#instead of writing the whole fic i'm posting this because i have no control over my thoughts about my baby boy

[daenysx]

grumpy x sunshine with aemond, you try to wake him up with bunch of kisses on his neck but he doesn't wanna leave the bed just for once so he makes your job as hard as he can just to get more kisses

[za-vandal]

Self indulgent, Pre-release Mr Reca thoughts (and hopefully prayers for me, because this man makes me salivate.)

Nsfw don't like don't read

This is filthy as hell.

Pet play, dacryphilia, and probably a few more I hadn't think of yet, this is a wild ride

I wanna make this man whimper so hard you have no fucking idea, this man makes me feral. I want to see him on the floor like a dog for me just augghhhhhhhhhh

Anyways.

Mr Reca with pet play. You saw the trailer, you will see the vision. Crazy director man who probably has a thing for controlling things because of his personality (maybe) or profession? Sign me the fuck up. I want to see this twink with a collar and leash. I want to fuck him hard and make him whimper and call him a pathetic little puppy. I want to make him wear a tail plug.

Or, alternatively, make him hump my shoe while he wears some fluffy dog ears. I see him as a dog boy, I have no idea why, but he gives possessive dog boy vibes. Bear with me here. Make him a custom collar or thigh straps with your name on it. I mean he already has them in his daily outfit, it would just make sense y'know?

Mr Reca with dacryphilia because I like my men crying and in pain. That thing about men whimpering and whining being hot is my whole personality when I'm reading fics, that is my vanilla, let's go. I want to see this pretty man crying while I suck him dry, I want to kiss his tears away while I prevent him from coming over and over. And by gods above I want to see this man full on bawling after all the overstim. Kiss away the tears because I'm soft like that.

Mr Reca but we tie him up with his straps. Why does one man need that many straps anyways? Or hell, his jacket thing works too, that shit def looks hot if he wore it without a shirt underneath like the back is 80% open, it covers nothing but it's giving everything fr. Y'all think we can hang him up with just his straps? Fuck him hard while he's up?

Mr Reca but we def filming, I shit you not that is the thing that started this post. Use his phone, your phone, do it on a private Livestream for yourself, use his freaking cameras, do it on set let's goooooooooo. I wanna watch him write his scripts as we fuck, let him sit on your dick if you can, if not cockwarm him instead. We winning no matter what. Make that man struggle and whimper, we ✨love✨ whimpering men in this house. If he feels generous maybe he'll let us wrap him up with his film tape of him being fucked and takes pictures with it. He probably won't though, but he'll probably keep them~♡ I wanna see him drool on camera so I can zoom in on his face and take pictures of it.

Mr Reca and a breeding kink???? A height difference and size kink??? I can see this going both ways. I feel like it's less breeding kink, and more he likes the feeling of cum. How to explain this? No clue. But I just think he would. Let him suck you off or eat you out, get his face wet~

For the size/height kink I think it goes both ways. I think he doesn't really care if you're smaller than him or bigger than him, he just likes it y'know? Maybe you're smaller than him but you can fuck his brains out. Maybe you're tall enough you can lift him up and fuck him against the wall without his feet touching the floor. ✨Just difference in general✨ baby. Bonus points too if you're big, I feel like he'll enjoy getting squished. Doesn't matter if you're masc or femme leaning and/or presenting, he likes getting squished.

And I hadn't really started on the real size kink idea yet, damn. Okay, size kink when he sees his stomach having a bulge as you fuck him. We love a skinny twink. I think he would see it and his mind would just go blank, like, "what the fuck, you're that big" kinda thing. Strap on or not, I think the surprise factor of seeing it is something he likes.

Mr Reca with mirrors. Listen. Trust me. Mirrors. I just love watching this unhinged man get his mind fogged by pleasure. This is a thing I love. I wanna see his face and watch him cry and watch him struggle. We've seen how deranged this man is in the trailer, now let's fuck him up literally so we can see his face more. Do it against those big, wall length mirrors you see in dancing studios if he's working on a musical or something. Do it in one of his trailers while he's out filming on set, bonus if it's not even room and we just press him against a random ahh mirror in a random trailer for costume and makeup.

I blame the unhinged energy today on my exams.

Hope you enjoyed? Well, technically I wrote this for myself but, sure. Posting this for funsies.

[fandomfluffandfuck]

Does the serum make Steve…. louder? Like his lung capacity is obviously more than the average. Did his vocal cords get super soldier-ed too?

Of course, that would mean that Bucky would have to gag him when they have sex. Especially the marathon, sweaty, desperate, edging, kind of sex where Steve just loses all control over his volume because he can’t even hear how loud he’s being over the the sound of his own blood pumping straight to his cock.

They have all kinds of gags so Bucky can control how loud he wants Steve to be since Steve can’t. Maybe even one that looks like the Winter Soldier mask.

Holy shit, I love this idea.

Even if lung capacity and/or vocal chord strength doesn't equate to volume in any meaningful way, my answer to this ask is fucking YES.

YES.

Yes, simply for the fact that I fucking love vocal partners. Major knee-buckling, weak spot for me. So, there's no way I can resist a louder Steve post-serum. Louder and more sensitive, which is just... irresistible 😮‍💨😮‍💨

This got out of hand, I'm supposed to be doing homework, not writing filth on Tumblr, lmao

And the mention of gags alongside the vocal-nature of this makes me think of this fic:

"Day 18: Leather/Latex" by hannahrhen

Anyway--

I can not get my mind off of vocal top Steve. There's 🤌🏻something about him🤌🏻

Imagine him, on top of Bucky, pressing him into the mattress with all his strength--back muscles rippling, so slim to so broad from his hips to his shoulders that it looks impossible, making your eyes almost roll back, just staring, his ass round and biteable, his thighs flexing, his dick putting in work, carving out space for himself inside Bucky.

Steve's shaking and sweating as his hips thrust, his movements so well practiced--fluid, but deep and hard, too. It's intense as fuck. Just how Bucky likes it. Feels so good.

And, God, the rhythm is more than enough to leave Steve's blonde hair hanging over his forehead, mused and sex-ruffled. He's glowing sweat, misted like a fucking Greek God, but so, so much better than pale, white marble he's pink and feverish, his heart pulsing wildly in his chest all the way down to his devastatingly hard dick.

His heart racing and racing as he pants with his mouth open, groaning lowly when Bucky clenches down on his thick cock hard, it makes Steve insane, so tight, he can't believe he fits inside his little hole, whimpering when Bucky tells him faster, faster, oh, ah, ah, ah, yes!, moaning right in Bucky's ear when Steve stops pinning his wrists to the bed, shifting to grab his shoulders and really pound him instead, and Bucky's hands grab at him greedily, wanting to feel his muscles work as he fucks him, pulling him down. He fucks him good and hard, using all his bulk to make Bucky fucking take it.

When he moans like that in his ear, making him crazy with want, Bucky might try to tilt his head to the side, panting just as hard, breath humid and thick, gasping for just a little oxygen between their mouths, begging for a sloppy, filthy kiss but Steve can't lock lips. He can't stop making sounds. The best he can do is moan right into his mouth.

It's so hot. The sounds.

The noises.

Gasping. Whining. Moaning. Panting. Groaning.

All these obscene sounds that mix intoxicatingly with the harsh, wet sound of their bodies colliding. Steve is fucking him hard. And it feels so good. It lights Bucky up--he's only dry kindling and Steve is a match, the friction between them lights them both. Flames lapping at their skin. Soon enough, it's hot enough to crackle and spread, and they're taking down the whole forest. Ignited. Unable to stop. Not when Steve sounds like that. Not when he moves like that, making Bucky see nothing but white-hot sparks.

Pleasured so good, Bucky can bite his tongue, groaning softly and panting and swearing under his labored breath as Steve lays into him like he wants him dead, pounding his prostate until he feels like he might burst, all this pleasure rushing like painful, aching, glorious, intense static through his veins. Steve can't bite his tongue, though.

Steve can't shut his fucking mouth.

Bucky loves it. He's so loud. When it's not mind meltingly hot to hear every hit of pleasure that he takes, it's hilarious because it's so goddamn inconvenient. As much as Bucky might want to bitch and moan about it, complaining that they'll never be able to have a quickie in some closet or bathroom or back of the car because they'll be found out immediately with Steve wailing like that... the moment he starts to feel irritated, he'll twitch or clench or grab, and Steve will just let out the most guttural, wanting sound at the perfect moment, leaving Bucky snickering. Combing a hand through his hair, cooing at his big, dumb, fucked-out face. Mouth-open moaning.

Yeah, Bucky's best guy is loud.

So, even when Bucky manages to reach up, muscles trembling as he goes boneless on Steve's dick, to jam a few fingers between his gaping, swollen lips... Steve's hardly muffled. He's distracted, sure, licking, tonguing, and slurping around his fingers as if they're his dick, but he's moaning too. He's moaning more. That part of Bucky's body in his mouth. How could it not be good? How could it not make his lungs punch out a sound of desire? Lust thick inside him.

Guh.

He's hot and wet and drooling around Bucky's fingers and not any fucking quieter. He might be louder, Jesus Christ.

Naturally, then, it escalates.

If fingers won't do it, what will? How can Bucky get Steve to a reasonable goddamn volume when they fuck? What about Bucky's underwear, literally ripped off of his body in impatience and now an otherwise useless scrap of fabric, stuffed into his mouth? What about Steve's own underwear? There's no difference, really, Bucky just wants it. How about the bottom hem of Steve's sweatshirt, pushed up and shoved between his teeth, giving Bucky an eye-crossing view of his clenching belly and bouncing tits as he fucks him? A ball gag? Bit gags (again, because Bucky wants it, Steve wants it, there's no reason why it would keep Steve's volume down when a ball doesn't, no matter how fat the intrusion is)? A scarf tied around the back of his head? A panel gag? A thick belt doubled over and pushed between drool-glistening lips? A strip of shiny tape slapped over his full, plush lips that leaves a red mark around his mouth like smeared lipstick when they're done, and Bucky tears it off of him? An inflatable gag that Bucky can pump more and more until Steve is whimpering about the fullness and stretch while he's pumping Bucky full?

What will it fucking take? And why is it so hot, the length they have to go to just to make sure that nobody interrupts them with how loose Steve's lips are. All whiny and needy, despite how Steve fucks like a champ. He sounds like he should be the one getting pounded into the mattress (or couch, or wall, or shoulder wall, or... yeah.)

What will it fucking take?

A muzzle?

Bucky jokes. It's a half serious suggestion while they have lazy, post-mission sex that is absolutely better than the sex anyone else is having when they're not exhausted and at the top of their game, thank you very much. Their uniforms are half on, on the way to getting suspicious stains, half revealing dirty, bruised skin--just enough to whip it out and to take it.

Steve is hesitant at first, considering their history with muzzles. He doesn't know if he could stand to do it. Especially if it's a full muzzle that covers the bottom of his face like what the soldier wore. But, later, when they're toweling off after their post-lazy-sex, lazy-shower-sex... the moment Bucky gives him that lazy, charming grin, popping his dimples, and drawls richly about the pleasure of taking the power back, feeling the reins in his own hands, calling the shots...

Oh, God.

Steve's stiff in his jeans immediately, and he needs to, at least, try. For Bucky's sake. Sure, Steve, Bucky's sake. It doesn't have to do with any kind of selfish need to see Bucky's eyes lit with fire, as he dangles a muzzle in front of his face, taunting him. Steve kneeling. Poised to crawl on his hands and knees toward the other man above him. Low enough he could kiss Bucky's feet. He could use his tongue to clean his boots, humming at the taste, knowing exactly where he's been by the grit on his teeth and tongue. Savoring it. Everything he's done for him. The hell he's walked through to get to him. Above him, Bucky's reclined on the edge of their bed, one hand behind him, leaning, all casual and powerful, alluring with his thighs spread wide, setting the muzzle in his lap before curling his finger smoothly. Wordlessly beckoning Steve over so he can shut him up and they can have fun without the neighbor's calling the cops... again.

Those sure, knowing fingers tilting Steve's head up with a mean grip on his chin and slipping the rigid leather onto his face, making sure he can't open his mouth to moan like hell when he's given the privilege of fucking Bucky.

Those fingers.

Those fingers that Steve's going to watch, silenced and muzzled, as they stretch and pry his tight, wet flesh open, preparing himself for Steve's cock. Propped up on his knees in front of Steve, his belly and chest to the bed, hips up, thighs invitingly wide, showing him where he's so tight and aching, but... not yet.

Steve can't touch yet.

And he can't beg to touch. Muzzled.

He can only swallow back sounds and stare desperately, longingly, saliva flooding his mouth.

While they're at it--Steve muzzled like a big, obedient puppy, so good and big as he slides into Bucky after he's stretched, squirming on his back, his thighs still wide open to give Steve a teasing glimpse of his wet hole--Bucky adds a collar for good measure.

A collar.

The strip of thick, dark leather around his throat is complete with a leash, so Bucky can pull it tight, keeping his big, hulking puppy close with the taut, short stretch of leather between their heated bodies.

His fist. Steve's neck. Connected. Joined as one.

He owns him.

It's not like Steve could go anywhere with Bucky's thick, powerful thighs clenched around his trim waist anyway. He's trapped. Entangled in Bucky's heat. All tight and hot and wet inside. And his voice is just as restricting as the leash around his throat--cutting off his air, pulled at just the right moment to slice his muffled moans in half when he pulls at his leash--and orders him to hold back. D-don't cum. Not yet. I'm, 'm not done fuh-fucking done with you yet. Make me cum again. J-just, ngh, just one more. 'M not done yet. Then you can have your treat, okay, boy? That sound good, huh, pup? Mmm, mmm-hmm, yeah, yeah, just like that, gimme it like th-that.

Steve whines, pathetically muffled. It's barely a sound at all, so softened, but at the same time, it's so saturated with want that it's dripping.

How did we get to puppy play? What?

[bagelrites]

^^^ It has come to my attention that whatever I post next (this post) will be my 5,000th post, so I've decided to make it a special one!

Did you know that I started this blog, it was originally named OfDemonsAndDruids, because all I intended to really post about was my fanfic series by the same name? And if you did know that, congrats! And thanks for sticking around, that's so cool :)

And for the rest of you! you will now be indoctrinated by the epic ODAD lore (which plagues my drain to this day, even after writing 176k words about it.)

George is the crown prince of the Mushroom Kingdom, a secluded but prosperous country which boasts powerful druid magic and control over the Lichens, a strange yet formidable species which bonds with humans when their true name is spoken. George, as the prince, is given a Lichen to bond with when he's sixteen, and the Lichen will serve as his guard, protector, and servant for the rest of his life.

Dream is that Lichen, though his real name isn't Dream. Dream is the "code" by which he goes so no one other than George can speak his true name. He has been trained his whole life to serve the royal family and to protect George with his superhuman powers of speed, strength, and stamina. He wears a mask, as do all Lichens, because their most powerful skill is that of control. When a Lichen looks at someone with their bare eyes, they can completely control that person (and yes, he can see through the mask. It's magic.)

Sapnap is, well, just some guy! He lives in a village north of the Mushroom Kingdom, but longs to leave home and go on an adventure. Maybe someday his dreams can be fulfilled...

Bad is a full-blooded demon, or at least he appears to be, when he wears his enchanted cloak which casts a shadow over his face. He's worked for years building a reputation as the best bounty hunter in the Nether, and works with his team of white wolves to hunt down his bounties.

Skeppy is an imp, a species closely related to demons, though they're about half the size and have wings instead of horns and a fuzzy tail. They're also shapeshifters, and don't follow the code of order that demons do. Instead, they're led only by chaos and a drive for trickery. Skeppy and Bad have been friends for a long time, though that friendship mostly consists of Skeppy teasing and trolling Bad, and sometimes his pranks go too far...

I've just barely scratched the surface about these guys (like this literally doesn't even get into the main plot) so if you're curious, give it a read!

Symbiosis is the main fic in the series, and follows George through the events of a war between the Demons and the Mushroom Kingdom. It's 100k words and very plotty, and focuses on DNF and the four muffinteer's freindship.

Maladaptation is the companion fic to Symbiosis, which follows Bad and Skeppy through the same events, but showing a very different perspective. It's 70k and just as plotty, but focuses on Skephalo (as well as Quackity and Skeppy's friendship - I started writing it over a year ago...)

And Devotion is a short follow-up to Symbiosis, which is basically just a nsfw DNF one shot that shows a bit of Dream's POV on his relationship with George.

While it's been almost a year since I've worked on this series, I want to say that I'm not done with it and I do plan on writing more in 2024, because I've been having some serious brainworms about these guys. But regardless, I hope you enjoyed learning about my complicated fantasy AU, or if you've read Symbiosis, that you enjoyed this walk down memory lane.

With that said, happy 5,000 posts to this blog! Here's to 5,000 more 🥳🎉

[hawkinasock]

TELL US ABOUT YOUR OTHER AUS (IF ABLE AND WILLING AND YOU WANT TO) ‼️‼️‼️

Tread carefully, Anon... Once I start yapping, I can't stop (jokes on you tho, I love yapping. Let's go)

I assume you mean aus for HSR specifically? I've got a lot more for genshin, but to stop myself from going on massive tangents, I'll just stick to HSR. I'll keep them all as summaries and go into more depth if there's any interest. Ok here we go:

Chimera Yanqing has kinda become my whole thing now, but I've never actually mentioned the other characters that I've also made chimera forms for. Namely Jing Yuan.

He doesn't really have any lore...? Unlike Yanqing, I was too focused on making him look pretty, which is easy because it's Jing Yuan. I'll make an update if I add anything more to his lore, cause I'd hate to just leave him unfinished forever. I do have a chimera Yunli au too, which I'll also save for another time. (Also keep in mind that he has wayyyy more fur than what I've shown. It just would've made his actual form unclear. He is very, very fluffy, canonically)

Mara-struck Yanqing (aka How the general ate the cabbage). Made a whole fic for this one, the plot is in the pudding, and by pudding I mean my ao3 lol. Instead of deflecting Jingliu's ult, Yanqing is instead killed and mara-stricken, and everything falls apart from there. Keeping it vague since it's still in progress. As of writing this, I'm three chapters in, so check it out if you're interested <3

Band au. I actually forgot about this one until I went through my list. Basically, It's a modern au where the high cloud quintet were a huge band back in ye olden days of the mid 1980s until their downfall, where the lead singer (Baiheng) is killed in an accident, triggering a series of unfortunate fates for 3 of the 4 remaining members. Jing Yuan is the only member still working in the industry and adopted Yanqing roughly 20 years after the the HCQ's fallout. One day, though, after years of no contact, Blade comes back into Jing Yuan's life, seeking refuge from law enforcement, and it all tumbles out of control from there after Jing Yuan accepts. The rest of the story would follow a very suspicious Yanqing wondering what the deal is with his dad's weird new boyfriend, and eventually reuniting the 4 remaining members (getting the band back together, as Phineas would say). There is SO much lore for this one, but it would take up this entire post to explain, so I'll probably just make it into its own post (with designs ofc). Tbh I haven't done as much work on this one as the others simply because I just don't know that much about music? Zel does though, so if I ever come back to it, I can go to him as a consultant.

Kind of an odd one, but I'm including it since it sorta counts, and I've become pretty fond of it over time. Mom Lumine au(s) Xiaother being Yanqing's dads is one of my favorite little crack aus. This au is the brainchild of imagining Yanqing as Lumine's child instead, but me as the author not enjoying xiaolumi as much. Thus, this was born. There's not really a story? Just a bunch of loosely put together concepts with multiple potential narratives that I find fun. Most of the time I default Childe as Yanqing's bio dad. In a weird way, it makes sense in my head? Yanqing resembles Lumine and uses a sword, and has that same go-getting, battle-hungry attitude as Childe, with all the knock-outs to boot. I mainly imagine chilumi as this interstellar crime duo; the Bonnie and Clyde of space, if you will. Because, honestly, if Yanqing's parents are ever to be revealed, would it not be the funniest thing for them to turn out to be criminals? I think it's hilarious, because Yanqing himself would be mortified.

Guardian Blade/Stellaron Hunter Yanqing au. These names are kinda lazy cause I usually don't make official titles for them unless their a fic, which this one happens to be. Here, Yanqing is an abomination of abundance, and as my interpretation usually goes, the only person who knows about this is Jing Yuan. Him and one other - blade, who was confided in the secret shortly after Jing Yuan had taken baby Yanqing in. Jing Yuan made Blade promise that, should the truth ever be uncovered and Jing Yuan punished, Blade is to take Yanqing and protect him. And years down the line, when the truth does finally reveal itself, Blade fulfills his promise. Theoretically, Yanqing would then join the stellaron hunters, albeit unenthusiastically. I haven't actually made any plans for that concept outside of a single one-shot. I still need to finish the actual fic first lmao.

Mara-struck Jing Yuan au. Probably the least original one I have to offer, because there's nothing particularly unique about it aside from one little twist I added that I think differentiates it, and that's that Yanqing doesn't actually kill Jing Yuan, or vice versa. Instead, Jing Yuan, in his current state, attacks everyone and everything except for Yanqing, and actually goes out of his way to keep Yanqing away from danger. The way I rationalize this (and this is me stretching the mara lore a LOT) is that Yanqing is so important to Jing Yuan that he creates a sort of blind spot to the mara when present; he is both innately precious and harbors only positive memories in Jing Yuan's mind, so in a way, he retroactively contradicts the way mara-struck!Jing Yuan would normally perceive him, seeing Yanqing as something to protect rather than attack (i hope that made any sense </3). This would probably never actually happen in canon. I just really like the idea of Jing Yuan's love for his son being so strong that it stays with him even after he's gone mad and can no longer remember what Yanqing means to him.

Progenitor au. Saved this one for last because it's been occupying my entire brain for the past few days. It's based on Dillongoo's Progenitor Albedo series, and by based, I mean it's just the same au, same universe and everything, but HSR. I won't go into the details because I'm planning to make it its own dedicated post as well, but I think its safe to say its becoming my favorite au out of all of these. I already have some designs and original lore cooked up, so hopefully I can post about it soon.

I think that's all of them? Debatable if some of these even count as aus, but who cares. I hope you enjoyed my rambles and found my ideas interesting enough to read through. I'm hoping to eventually give them some more life and make actual content with them.

Till next time <3

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

Bang

First posted: October 4, 2019

Focuses on: Jason Todd & Damian Wayne

Favorite bookmark: "No spoilers, but if OP doesnt write a sequel I will literally die."

Second favorite bookmark: "The noises that came from me when I reached the end of that countdown were, um, violent. 😭"

Tier: Middle of the pack

This is my “behind the scenes” series where I indulge myself horribly by annotating my fics. Link to the fic itself above. Thoughts below the cut.

I am so friggin' proud of this fic, I can't lie. It's such a powerful little one-shot, and I'm pleased with how I did it, and I'm pleased with the reaction it received. Gold star, me.

There was a bomb in the school. And the rec center. The Grove Street bank. The post office on Utica. The Nockaphee Building. The newly opened inner city hospital.

Once again, my dreaded foe, logistics. I knew what I wanted the crux of the story to be with Jason and Damian, so then I had to backtrack and figure out the scenario that best fit. Not one bomb but multiple, to scatter the family around (because there are so dang MANY and they're always RIGHT THERE in the city), and where a villain might be most inclined to stash them. I know where I got the names for the bank and the post office, but no idea for the Nockaphee Building. Google shrugs at me.

Bombs all over Gotham, embedded in the spines of community spaces and corporate structures like ticking tumors.

This inversion still tickles me.

Batman and Black Bat had bypassed evacuation to head straight to the source. Stop the bomber, stop the bomb. The rest of them were merely backup, protection in case the caped pair failed. Their job was evacuation. Get everyone out and keep them away. Every time they were given a new location, a segment of the core broke off until their forces were scattered wide across the city.

Again, friggin logistics. I duck and dodge plot as much as I can, because I don't care, there is so little actual plot to my fics. But I am as careful as I can be about seeding in realistic barriers into my story. I don't want to stop the whole story to say "Well, you see, they couldn't do XYZ because" or handwave away the most obvious solution to the problem at hand. I want it to make sense why each person is doing what they're doing (or not doing.)

Jason wasn’t normally a keep-tabs person, but explosions made him nervous.

Again, weaving plausible explanations and justifications in a way that also tells a little bit more about what relations are like between Jason and the fam right now.

The one moment of potential disaster—the bomb tucked into the belly of the rec center had malfunctioned and gone off on its own—had resulted only in property damage and no loss of life. The bomb maker hadn’t even set them all to run independently but instead had retained control via a mechanism that turned deliberate detonation into an all-or-nothing deal. All Batman had to do was incapacitate the bomb maker and turn off the controls.

Ugh, this bit of seeding was so tricky. A lot of partially started mental dead ends before I figured out these two pieces: setting up the rec center and the all-or-nothing bomb.

Jason wasn’t fluent in all of them—and had done his best to forget most of them—but he knew that a “hrnn,” unlike a “hnn” or a “mm,” was not a good sign.

This was plucked directly from the group chat. Certain members have a habit of reacting with typed out grunts like Bruce, so I've had time to appreciate the nuance.

Normally, it would be Nightwing’s job to nudge Batman into using his big boy words, but Officer Grayson had been on duty when the emergency alarm rang.

More logistical justification loaded and ready to go.

Jason leaped to the next building and ducked down, pressing his back against the low retention wall.

I don't know, I just like this. If this were a visual medium like a movie, you'd be able to see Jason deliberately blocking out the world so he can focus on whatever horrible thing is about to happen.

Okay. Okay. He was expecting worse. Jason scowled.

The double okay is a very me thing. There are two different tones involved but that's hard to invoke in writing.

Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable. This was why Jason refused to be affiliated with these people. They were all idiots. “I didn’t want Batman to worry.” Yeah, because Batman wasn’t a grown adult who couldn’t handle his own crap. Obviously. So the little gremlin had lied about where he was, concealed an injury, and now was calling Hood like his own personal Uber. And Jason was going to let him, because he was also an idiot, apparently. “You’re a brat, you know that?” Jason growled as he hauled himself to his feet again. “Fine. Fine! Where are you?”

I personally l o v e this because right now Jason doesn't actually know what's going on, he just thinks he does, so you get to see his reaction to the assumed situation of "The baby of the family did something stupid and got hurt so I get to be mad about that but obviously I'm still going to help and then I'm probably going to make his life miserable for worrying me retroactively."

“The shelving units fell on me. I extricated myself, but something is blocking the doors. I can’t—I am—I made it to the supply closet.”

Damian is being amazingly patient through all this, if you think about it. But I guess he doesn't want to have to say it all out loud yet, so maybe he's just procrastinating. Once Jason understands, then it's real.

“I wanted to know if it hurt.”

That was my cornerstone line, right there. That's the whole reason I wrote the fic. I wanted someone to say this to Jason, because they needed to know. Please picture me dabbing.

This wasn’t happening. He’d just seen the kid a couple hours ago. They’d nodded while passing to their own teams. He’d left a movie about a dog on Jason’s windowsill last week.

It's such a little piece, but I wanted to hint at the utter disorientation of traumatic tragedy, how quickly the day can change and the swooping sensation a person might feel amid that change. Also, even as Jason has spent this entire fic being like "We don't talk!" I did want to seed in that they still interact. Damian trades movies he likes with Jason. He knows where Jason's safe house is. Jaosn is upset that he's about to die.

I would go back and change all those contractions, though. And having two different he pronouns back to back without tying them to a proper noun is just bad form.

Jason couldn’t lie, not even to a little kid.

This appears to be a tiny bit of Ronan Lynch seeping into Jason. Huh. @audreycritter are you seeing this

It had hurt to the point beyond pain, like every cell, every molecule, every atom had been lit up like a Christmas tree.

That "like a Christmas tree" is from something and for the life of me I can't remember what.

Don’t say please to me. Don’t say thank you. Don’t say things that you only say because you think you’re about to die.

I write this kind of thought pattern a lot to exemplify stress and grief. I don't know how I feel about this realization.

“No.” No matter how Jason tried, it was impossible to miss the tears in the boy’s voice now. “It would kill him, having to listen. And he’ll be so angry. I cannot—I-I cannot die knowing he’s angry with me. Please don’t call Richard.”

This was where my throat started to hurt. I don't remember where exactly I started to actually cry while writing.

“You understand. You can tell them. Tell them I-I’m sorry. And that I was brave?”

It was definitely by here, though.

Jason cleared the stairwell, slowing only slightly to duck under the sagging ceiling and pick his way through the debris-strewn hallway.

Oh hey. I don't use any details here but rereading reminded me that I based the rec center on parts of a real place so that I could visualize what Jason would have to get through to get to Damian. Totally forgot.

Ten seconds. Jason lunged at the barrier, roaring as he tore aside mountains with his hands. Nine.

I think building in the countdown itself helped with the tension. It definitely helped with the writing. Generally speaking, the length of sentences should match the pacing of the action itself. For tense writing, you really want short, snappy sentences, but I am a wordy bird who loves long multi-part sentences. See: this paragraph. So hacking up the action into short sentences bracketed by a single digit countdown really helped with the vibe.

“Jason?” Damian gasped over the earpiece. “I don’t want it to hurt. I don’t want it to hurt.”

That would be me. Dying is scary, but the pain before it is scarier.

Jason threw himself into the closet and shut the door.

Sometimes a lack of closure is fun, actually.

Funny story: I didn't actually consider that readers would think I set the bomb off and killed them both. I was new, hadn't done any sad-ending fics before, and also it's comics. Even when characters die, they come back in a few months, so it doesn't really count.

So my notifications start blowing up in the middle of a football game and I had to figure out if I wanted to continue the story...

[bihanzo-advocate]

Ughhh I'm so fucking sluggish and down nowadays but BiHanzo's one of my hyperfixations that keep me going. Kinda pathetic I know, but I don't really care anymore.

Anyway, I got a lot of messy ideas/prompts/headcanons for fics of these two which I WISH I could make my own but I don't have the writing skills to execute it. Mainly focused on MK9 BiHanzo and I kinda made up my own AUs where they aren't grandmasters of their clans yet, the other where they just turned into grandmasters but have a secret affair while their clans are still enemies, then the other one where one misunderstanding leads to another and BAM these are just one BIG mess. Incoming messy ramblings and thoughts of them.

Some NSFW stuff:

Hanzo sneaking into Lin Kuei quarters late at night to meet his esteemed rival and secret fuck buddy in his bedroom. Bi-Han is surprised at how bold he is and tries to reason with Hanzo that they shouldn't because they're at risk of getting caught. Hanzo is too horny to care and just makes Bi-Han control and muffle his voice as much as he can. It gets very hot and heated. Hanzo putting his hand over Bi-Han's mouth while pressing his body down on him. Wherever Bi-Han held on for support, ice started to form on the surface showing how much he was trying to control himself. The room gets steamy from how rough and crazed their sex is.

I'd love to read about Bi-Han being tied up in Hanzo's chains and getting fucked senseless or getting pounded against a tree in the woods. They got the whole tree shaking for sure, leaves falling, branches tweaking- Yeah, I'll stop there.

Modern AU, Hanzo seeing a drunk and weak Bi-Han for the first time at a late night bar and he just gets his mind blown away from the sight. He gets a whole new perspective of Bi-Han and wants to know more about him. It seemed that Hanzo had way more tolerance and discipline than Bi-Han when it came to alcohol. The poor cold bastard was way too drunk to see or care that he's basically opening up to his sworn enemy and rival. Hanzo tries to stifle his laugh but shuts up very soon once he realizes it must have taken a lot for Bi-Han to get to this point where he starts dumping about all he has been through. I CAN ADD A LOT MORE TO THIS BUT I'LL SAVE IT FOR ANOTHER POST AND ANOTHER TIME. They don't fuck until they come to a conclusion about their relationship.

The hate sex is strong but it's also extremely satisfying for the two of them. I'm really into Bi-Han being a bottom here lol... after all he is SUB-Zero. Him being a dominant sub works too.

Pining/fluff/some angst:

Them always bumping into each other while on missions, tournaments, etc. They hated each other at first but slowly become fond of one another as time passes. Instead of fighting, they start conversing and notice that they are somehow similar, beginning to respect the other more...

Hanzo makes the first moves (holding hands, small touches, hugging, showing affecfion) and he doesn't mind doing it until Bi-Han is comfortable.

Bi-Han longing to be closer to Hanzo but he tries to suppress his feelings as much as he can, he then projects his "anger" and "hatred" for Hanzo so that he can hide the truth. He doesn't have internalized homophobia, it's just his circumstances that make it forbidden for him to have personal ties and fall for the enemy. His loyalty to his clan and the desire of his heart are constantly at battle. It slowly begins to rip him apart. He does a good job hiding what he really feels because Hanzo can't see through this facade. The cryomancer became all bark but no bite because he didn't want to hurt his secret love anymore. Bi-Han finally confesses his love before almost getting killed by Hanzo because he'd been tormented enough. He only wished to die by his love's hand at that point. But Hanzo is taken aback and shaken by the whole thing... then it goes on from there.

These two make me sick sometimes. I just need more gritty stuff between them. But that's it for now, will add more when I get ideas.

[y-rhywbeth2]

Assorted thoughts about Astarion's epilogue that I have only seen in video because patch 4 broke my save files and I have to replay the whole thing to get there.

From what I've seen everyone's good endings seem a little... overly good and free of consequence? But at the same time I haven't seen everything with my own eyes and everyone deserves to be happy, so whatever. If I want angst, there's fic.

Sooo... is it that unromanced Astarion disappeared after the scene at the docks and nobody could find him, or did you assholes just not try? I will be generous and assume the former.

Stop stabbing the table you little gremlin. ...although I'd probably enjoy doing that, if I could get away with it.

I still hate that outfit with the ruff.

Not surprised Larian is doubling down on the "no cure" angle. I don't really care if Astarion remains a vampire or if he goes the cure route, so long as he's happy - although I do think in his shoes I'd look for some way to day-walk anyway, on practical grounds alone.

Hiding a knife behind his back while asking an unromanced Durge if they're showing any signs of being under Bhaal's control... I adore a pragmatic bastard.

---"I could've told you that [you can kill people in a socially acceptable manner]" ---"You realise I don't actually pay attention when you talk, right?" ^This is why I both love him with all my soul and also want to push him off a roof.^

Delighted and validated by Astarion feeding by taking jobs as a bounty hunter or something like that. That was 100% what Vel was suggesting to him post game. Like "Hey, have you considered bounty hunting? if my memories of killing people for fun and profit, and the last month or two of everyone suddenly celebrating instead of getting mad when I murder has taught me anything; if you eat the people the majority want dead, you can have all the blood and money you can get your teeth into and nobody will have a problem with it."

And then there's Ascended Astarion... who I will put under a read more to save space and for those who'd like to avoid the uglier side of endings.

So I don't think Larian read the supplement Van RIchten's Guide to Vampires (it's from 1992, but as far as I know it's also still the most comprehensive write up of D&D vampire lore, and some of it still looks to apply here (or at least, it can).)

But the first thing I thought of, watching him constantly turn into a bat, is that it reminded me of the vampire psychological development stages. Stage one is where a vampire is drunk on their shiny new powers and just will not stop showing them off. (Stage two is the "find out" stage of the fuck around process, where the vampire discovers they're not as invincible as they believed and descends into full blown, paranoid monstrosity.)

Then "I will be watching." "I/We need to eavesdrop on everybody."... Oh, the paranoia. How's that thing where the curse of vampirism is twisting the trauma and fear going for you, my dude?

"I'll never forget the time we spent together, though. And I know you'll never forget about me. Until next time, darling." ...might be his expression or the datamined epilogues where he still wants his ex, but that feels like a threat to me? Might just be a jab after being dumped...

And, oh yeah, we're definitely looking at vampire bride/groom tier stuff here: Just sit on the decorative pedestal I built for you and look pretty until I'm in the mood to take you down and play with you. Stop complaining about how you're bored and want freedom!

The PC isn't weak by any measure, they could become a rival.. AA isn't my ending of choice, but I am morbidly fascinated with the concept of Tav and Astarion as toxic vampire divorcees: Two angry, powerful "lovers to enemies" vampire lords "sharing" territory; passing the centuries obsessing over each other; fighting each other; sometimes maybe hate-fucking, and generally making their bad relationship everyone's problem.

[allbluedepths]

This was originally part of the ship bingo post, but it spiraled out of control and became a very large pile of thoughts. So instead, the Wings of the Emperor AU is getting its own ship dynamics post for Shanks, Mihawk, and Benn because it's sorta its own thing, and I'm having a hell of a time trying to figure out how to even tag for it because none of their relationships fit in neat boxes very well.

(Wings of the Emperor AU is my early Red Hair Pirates era AU where Mihawk chooses to not become a Warlord and ends up not joining, but semi-sailing with the Red Hair Pirates. It mostly focuses on Mihawk's early dueling years with Shanks, his interactions with the Red Hair Pirates, and eventually getting swept up into their sailing shenanigans. TL;DR: I had the thought of "who would Mihawk be if forced to answer the question of 'who am I beyond just being a swordsman'" and it all spiraled from there.

For the record, some of the earlier posts aren’t 100% accurate anymore — big one being that I traded the “Mihawk was almost Shanks’ first mate” bit for something else — but this is an indulgent ship post, not me correcting my own lore post LOL.)

So, here’s a pile of thoughts to get my brain in gear to actually write more of the fic itself, haha. : )

This AU is… complicated? I'd say it's endgame Mihawk/Shanks/Benn triad in a very non-traditional relationships way. For example, by the time Mihawk semi-joins them and turns down the Warlord position, even Shanks and Mihawk don't have a concrete romantic relationship, and theirs is still the closest to that, haha. I guess it's best classified as:

Shanks and Mihawk: close relationship bordering on romantic; there's mutual interest, but their definitions of romantic also don't match "standard" definitions of romance, so it doesn't always read as that to others. Rivals/partners with a romantic flair?? Since Mihawk turning down the Warlord position and choosing to join them comes with a good chunk of other upheaval, there's a conscious decision to not really label anything, but they're on the same page of being mutually interested.

Shanks and Benn: hellooooo complex intertwined captain-first mate relationships. The fun duality of being both incredibly simple and incredibly complex. I'm team "many working captain-first mate relationships basically become life partnerships", and they're probably the prime example of that. Inconveniently for tagging purposes, it's smack dab in the middle of "&" and "/" relationships for AO3, so… eh, the vibes are vague. The details past the fact that they're basically each other's most trusted person stop mattering at a certain point.

Benn and Mihawk: Complicated, haha. By far the side of the triad with the most development to be had; right now, it's more like they're separate sides of a V polycule, rather than a triad, but the foundation's there. An odd, unexpected friendship turned an even more unexpected camaraderie as the years go by and Mihawk's around more and more. Absolutely no one outside of them (and occasionally Shanks) can really parse out what's going on here. Again, just over the line of what I'd tag as "&", and develops veeeeeery slowly over the years in its own undefined way.

…That ended up as a whole ass wall of words, haha. Shorter summary if you're looking for general relationship shifts:

Mihawk sails with the Red Hair Pirates (~6 years after the RHP start): only Shanks/Mihawk are semi/almost-romantic

Sailing time until Dawn Island: Shanks/Mihawk slowly get their shit together; Shanks/Benn inch toward maybe another realization or two, Benn/Mihawk "two introvert cats" bond starts really kicking in

Post-Dawn Island: Shanks/Benn get their shit together (thank you, realizations about mortality)

The decade-ish between Dawn Island and current canon: It's a polycule between an Emperor, an Emperor's first mate, and the World's Greatest Swordsman. Who cares if it makes sense to anyone else; it works for them, lol.

If you read this far, thank you, and I hope you enjoyed an unexpectedly long analysis drop for an AU I haven't posted for in a while and mostly exists in my brain right now, haha!

[crystalkitty1220]

You underestimate me, CK. I only have more questions now.

What was Nevin doing to try to save Drew? Is he okay after some of his branches got crushed in the fight? Will he ever manage to come back or is Nevin just deep in denial?

Overall I really like your au, and I’m happy to see you again too! Your monthly posts are always nice.

I don't know what warnings to do this time so I'm just gonna say that if you couldn't read the fic thing, do not proceed. Also because spoilers ig.

First I'd like to reiterate that the second part of that fic thing was very experimental. So nothing about that is certain whatsoever and I was mostly just going for vibes for it, to test out the potential bad ending that I really want to make work somehow. So I can give you some hypothetical answers, but unless I can successfully make most of the other events in that ending not horribly out-of-character, that ending might not even be real. The entire bad ending is based on this one bit of animation I have in my head and am very slowly drawing out. I'm hoping if I can show how cool it looks I won't have to justify the character actions /hj. I also just do not have any ideas for another ending so I am desperately trying to make 'twist' villain Isaac Beamer somehow work. That's most of the reason that I'm focusing so hard on curses and such right now; getting the essentials done will make writing the story a little easier. Maybe when I finally have a curse for Dez (I'm accepting suggestions; Echos and I have nothing), I'll magically have a whole new ending thought up.

Anyway, hypothetically, Drew's probably fine after the fight. It was painful, yeah, but the branches will grow back.

Now I'll move onto the things centered around the first half, since that one's a little more final.

Drew probably can't come back? I mean, it could be cool if there's some kind of ritual to move his consciousness somewhere else, but his body's irreparable.

You didn't ask but I'll also add that he and the branches can be killed, via burning or something like that, but Nevin's not likely to let that happen.

Nevin is very deep in denial, and for the most part doesn't have any ideas other than praying and such. He refuses to move on from Drew's loss for a few reasons. First of all, of course, Drew's his twin brother. Secondly, ever since the incident, his life has basically entirely centered around it. The incident is what made him turn to religion (and just so he can keep the extra bit of trauma, in place of his step-mom we'll say the first couple churches weren't exactly kind about his curse - or his being gay, for that matter), and religion is obviously why he thinks the branches are a miracle keeping Drew alive. The incident is why he became homeschooled and rarely left his house for so much of his life, and started hyper-focusing on Drew instead of making connections or getting hobbies. Speaking of hobbies, his curse in general also made it difficult to start any of those. Most of his life has just been getting control of his powers, religious stuff, thinking about Drew, repeat (though Grandma Jovel was eventually successful in getting him interested in cooking and spoken poetry). So he can't fathom the idea of letting Drew go.

When he meets Chris, Nevin gets really excited about the possibility that Chris or Charlie could communicate with Drew, and from there they could work something out. So Nevin starts hanging around Chris, invites him over, and you've seen the rest. Info-dumping about Drew was basically Nevin trying to get Chris to see why this is so important. He could just say "he's my baby brother and i love him and you should love him too", but in true writer fashion, he takes the "show, don't tell" route.

So, yeah, that's basically the closest thing Nevin has had to a plan. I mean, now that I brought up the idea of there being some sort of demonic ritual to transfer souls or whatever, it could be cool to have Nevin go against his morals and try demony stuff, but then I'd have to add so many more eggpire fansongs onto my curse!ibvs playlist. I've already got five, I don't think I should go any deeper.

[ehh-is-the-name]

Pulling all this from me notes app yesterday:

Cobs and Mephone4 really are one in the same and I hate that ii16 ep proves it. Mephone uses the show as a form as escapism and Cobs ended up doing the same. They were always in cahoots. Like father like son and all but this is a lot to take in. The fact that MePhone slightly did what Cobs did to him. He created sentient beings with his purposes in mind, sure not to colonize a place, but still with a purpose in mind. He shaped the contestants into what he wanted them to be to have fun but still. Just because the method and purposes were different both Cobs and Mephone made sentient beings for their own purposes, and now they use them both for entertainment. This makes Mephone even worse than he already is- and as a Mephone apologist it's already pretty fuckin' hard. Like this just makes things so much fucking worse. Damn... Guess him and Airy are more alike than I first thought. Ahhh it's like ONE all over again but the opposite. Instead of context making him better it's making him worse- step the fuck back augh.... I might just pull a post-ONE 18 fan move and just ignore the finale. Every single fanfic that tried to be as canon accurate as they could is now fiery fanon. Which is still good, but Maaannn. Can't have shit in the OSC these days. Twists at every corner and not the good kind. I say that but I probably wouldn't be mad if I wasn't drowning in "fanon I consider canon" juice. Wait is that why the contestants could see the gemories? Since they weren't real to begin with?

Hope y'all know that I cried like twice between writing that on the 7th and now, and now I'm fucking sick because my immune system can't handle my waterworks-

"Drowning in 'fanon I consider canon' juice" is an understatement. To all ii fic writers our there, keep your headcanons please- I'm begging! Don't let the canon kill you, you're right to me </3 And man, this whole thing has me dying for real. To pull lines from Taco Tirade, I've lost more than I've gained, but I also know that feeling double crossed is part of dealing with a loss. When they said we weren't ready, they could never prepared me for that bombshell.

I've got so many questions.... Does Mepad know? I mean from the way he begins to care about the contestants and Toilet makes me think not and other scenes, but I can't be sure of anything anymore. Is Mephone kinda a dad but not? Are the contestants fully controlled by Mephone or is it a situation like Cobs and Mephone, where the creator gives free will only for things to go awry? I think it's the second one (I'm groveling to the OSC overlords that it's the second one.)

Once Mephone got his memory back he knew just how behind everything Cobs was because he himself knew the extent of the show... Side tangent, Mephone is a great actor then, grade A top of the line. Probably gets it from his dad, given the theatrical performance we saw- But no really, Mephone IS smart, a lot smarter than he gives himself credit for honestly. Even if I don't believe he was puppeteering the contestants, he still made a diverse cast of characters and subtlely brought them together and tore them apart all without him hinting to the audience that he knew he made them. Sure the hints came along the way, but not directly from Mephone. Or at least I don't think so, please feel free to prove me wrong about that- I seriously don't know anything about this show anymore.

acutally going through the stages of grief because of a parody iphone- wtf is living. Am I even real?

[cheesybadgers]

There is going to be a wider point to this very specific rambling, but let's just start off by saying I live for a Steve corruption arc, particularly in relation to Carrillo. I still wish so badly we'd got more of those two without Javi in season 2, because can we just remember that despite all of his moral righteousness re: the helicopter incident, Steve specifically went looking for more violence after Javi told him Carrillo shot and murdered a kid? Like, his whole "Stop icing me out" thing was never about him condemning Carrillo. He saw how traumatised Javi was in the aftermath and instead of confronting Carrillo about that, he...spat the dummy because he wasn't invited to play (I'm not letting Javi off the hook either, because both he and Steve got over their outrage by the next episode, but that's a whole other post about the way the writers set up the flawed concept of morality in the entire show).

Something I wanted to tap into in the All In universe was Steve embracing that side of his character, especially in relation to Carrillo. And yeah, I may have added a lot of kinky sex into those fics lol, but I did also include a lot of character study as well (my favourite combination). And when I find some more creative energy from down the back of the sofa, I would like to re-visit those themes one day, especially because I don't think many people have.

So, anyway...meanwhile, I'm currently re-watching season 3 of a certain firefighter show and I've got to the episodes where Eddie starts illegal fighting as a way to (badly) cope with his grief. And oh man, the potential re: the whole fighting arc in fics. The way it could all be tied in with his repression, his need for control, his relationship with his sexuality and masculinity (hello violence as a metaphor for homoeroticism, my beloved), maybe the fighting tipping over into something else with one of his opponents which eventually leads him to a certain best friend and a journey to healing (but only after all the angst and him having his hot mess era, obvs). But I just haven't really been able to find existing fics exactly along those lines? Admittedly, there are almost 30K fics to filter through on AO3 and I've only scratched the surface, but I really thought more people would have leaned into these ideas (and maybe they have but I've just not found them yet).

But something I notice quite often in fandom, not just these specific ones (although I do know not all of them are like this), is even when the source material and the characters go dark and fucked up, thus opening the door for so much fic potential, the majority of the fandom don't want to go there lol.

I'm not even criticising really as people can and will write what they want, but it's just funny to me that my brain latches on to the more fucked up elements of a character's arc and goes 'Yes I'd like to read more about that, please' 😂

[got-into-worm-by-mistake]

“That’s her choice.”  Tattletale repeated herself. “No!  That’s- that’s not her.  That’s the change I made doing the talking, or the aftermath of it.  Even if I removed all the neural connections that have been made since, there’s so much more in the emotional cocktails and hormonal balances.  She’s channeling it into anger instead of… instead of love.” Love.  The implications were so fucked up.  It was the sort of thing Heartbreaker did. She hugged her arms against her body.  There were tears in her eyes. “You need to fix her mind now.  For you, not for her.  Maybe she’ll forgive you at a later date, when she’s thinking clearly again,” Tattletale said.  “Maybe then she can approach you, you two can start interacting again, you rebuild that trust over months or years, and you can finish healing her body when she gives you her permission.” “Or I can fix her now, undo what I did and then walk away forever, because I don’t deserve forgiveness and she shouldn’t have to live like this because- because a wrong I committed fucked with her focus or made her too aggressive or-”

Tattletale isn't wrong here, not even close, and Amy absolutely should fix Vicky's mind now, but Amy's also not wrong that it's not quite that simple.

Amy has fallen into the trap her whole life has built for her, the idea that she's a monster, is only capable of being a monster and that's what she is and always will be, and she's now starting to commit to that path.

Now, even allowing for that, it shouldn't be hard for her to fix Vicky's mind and then keep healing her and then unparalyze her and just leave then. But Amy's mind is shot - as she said, she needs rest, I doubt the girl has had anything resembling good sleep either lately, and realistically she has ever right to fear she might get things wrong given how she got here in the first place.

The question continues to be not 'did she do wrong' (because she did, obviously, and will do worse), it continues to be 'what does what she did, and the mental state she was in, say about her more broadly'.

Very few people actually act like Amy did nothing wrong. Even before Wildbow 'revealed' his 'original meaning' of later scenes. People, acting on some of Wildbow's various errant words of god that he has long since decided to ignore, did sometimes believe Amy's moral culpability was more reduced than it (officially) is because of the Aura, or Broadcast or that more of this stuff was accidental or driven by Shaper messing with her mind, etc, but very few people actually said Amy did nothing wrong here unironically.

Almost all those "Woobie Amy" fics and notions that Wildbow supposedly saw that made him decide to be so damn spiteful in Ward have situations such that Amy doesn't do what she does here. The number of fics where Amy mind-controls Vicky, let alone actually wretches her or rapes her, that treat her sympathetically or like she's not some horrifying monster/villain/etc was almost certain and is almost certainly miniscule.

So it's hardly 'apologia' or 'whitewashing' her to write a story where she doesn't do this. I've hardly read every old Worm fic or Worm thread but I'm all but certain it was more just Wildbow fundamentally not understanding his own fandom, and certainly not understanding fanfiction. I already have proof from his own reddit posts he fundamentally doesn't understand fanfiction, so...

I just don't get people, and I sure as fuck don't get Wildbow or his Cult.

[milktearosethorn]

Oooh if you read MHA what did you think of the ending ?

Oh man.......... Where do I even start....

For context, I've adored MHA since season 1 of the anime first dropped. It was probably my main fandom for at least five years. The first fic I ever posted to AO3 was an MHA fic. I obsessively kept up with weekly manga leaks, and even helped translate the raw Japanese for friends in discord servers.

It was never a perfectly written manga, and I was fine with that. The writing was on the wall since the Overhaul Arc, where cracks started showing with character bloat, constant sidelining and awful treatment of female characters, and out of control power creep. I think the manga could've been a lot better if Horikoshi wasn't crushed by the brutality of the publishing demands of Shounen Jump. But I thought at its core, the story had a wonderful heart, and that was what kept me in love with it.

I fell out of MHA in around 2021 with the Deku vs Lady Nagant fight, because when she blew up from the AFO failsafe I pretty much rage quit over the fact that every time a woman got to do or be something cool, Horikoshi found a way to rip it away from us. I wasn't really feeling the story anymore, so my love for the manga became overshadowed with my frustration and I decided to move on for awhile (and then my friends got me into DSMP lol). Also the fandom was toxic AF and that was not helping. For instance, I have some criticisms of the overall writing of the Todoroki family plot, but some people chose to interpret every manga panel and line of dialogue in the worst faith imaginable, threw a fit over it every week, and it was just exhausting. The LOV were some of my favorite characters too, but that section of the fandom was a cesspool of negativity sometimes. (Of course, other portions of the fandom had their own issues too, but I wasn't around to see all of it).

I still kept tabs on the story to this day, and while I thought the final arc was heading into a rushed mess, I loved the thematic direction that the story was going in. That Midoriya, Uraraka, and Shouto were going to be better heroes than all that came before them by saving the villains.

Then, uh, we got the most depressing endings imaginable.

I could forgive the flaws of the ending and walk away from the story happy if it hadn't lost its heart along the way. It's just baffling to me that a series that began with the Deku saying "This is the story of how I became the greatest hero" ends with him failing to save the person who needed it the most. Shigaraki is the saddest character in the manga and Deku, our protagonist, who back in the Sports Festival Arc would break all his fingers twice over just to get through to a friend, had to kill him instead of saving him. It's bleak. It's a tragedy. And it makes no sense that we are experiencing this tragedy in the same chapter where somehow Edgeshot of all people survived by becoming a sentient worm on a string. Where Hawks's solution to fix a hero system that enabled domestic abusers to flourish and used assassins to 'keep the peace' is to hand out participation trophies. Like????? Meanwhile 17-year old Toga has to die of blood loss even though Gran Torino gets disemboweled on a monthly basis and Best Jeanist has no lungs. There's also the whole issue of how the story seemed to show that having a clear #1 hero and that responsibility being on one man's shoulders (All Might) was a bad thing. But then the power scaling got so out of control that the same burden was placed on Deku's shoulders 😭😭. I'm just baffled lol. It's so odd that we are flip-flopping between a bleak tragedy/cautionary tale and a cartoonishly simplistic way of looking at the world. Idek, but no matter what I wish the best for Horikoshi's health because I think it's clear that this manga took a huge toll on him.

[spumonibones]

I've noticed that yandere corrupted Venti pics are aplenty, but ...

I think a corrupted yandere Xiao fic has potential

Oh very much so, especially with the karmic debt, and the theory that Abyssal Corruption actually enhances your negative ambitions!! (Good stuff for twisting love from afar into an obsession that results in abandoning his post) I can probably type up at least af fic idea for it! Unfortunately at the moment I'm not at a point I could write a fic like that - still looking over my shoulder thanks to some personal experiences. These two have been a sort of "safe, comfort" ship since. But! I'm pretty sure I saw some fic summaries with that! When I find them, I'll send those your way! :]

As for a fic idea... Hmm. I know there's a popular Time Loop theory for Genshin. But, I'm not a big fan of it? Far too often those storylines get fumbled hard, and it would feel too much like a cop-out to escape the growing retcons instead of accepting that the story has changed since the game's start. (Which is pretty normal for games of this nature) Ah. Sorry. Anyway. There could be a parallel timeline. Maybe in that one, the Sinner from the Abyss acted sooner, and Teyvat has been coated in Abyssal energy? Oh, Xiao's beta design would work well for an Abyss-infected variation! (More under cut because WOW this got long??)

If his Barbatos died trying to stop the Sinner, it would be motivation to find ways of different times in which Barbatos still lives. Given the Monstadt story prologue, we know that Venti can get "poisoned" from Abyssal energy. If our... Let's call him, "Void Xiao," to mitigate confusion. As players we're taught to associate the Abyss Realm with the Abyss Order, though we've learned in Fontaine these don't always go hand in hand. Another term for the Abyss Realm is the Void Realm, so it'll function for these needs.

I looked up the definition of yandere, and included it for anyone that may need it! (I actually like this because it notes that this incorrectly tries to attribute these actions to mental illness. Individuals with mental illness are significantly more likely to be victims! When looking at "real life" examples of yandere attitudes, it's often individuals with no respect for the boundaries of others, and a sense of entitlement. No one owes anyone else their time or affection - always place firm boundaries, and if you ever feel unsafe do what you must to get out of the situation to be safe!!)

Back to the story idea! Hmm. Maybe VoidXiao got access to Forbidden Knowledge and that's how he jumped timelines...? If the Sinner took over Teyvat, the Heavenly Principles/Primordial One wouldn't be there to enforce the Laws they created. The whole world would be infected with Forbidden Knowledge and Void energy, and access would be easy. Don't quote me, but I'm pretty sure the game describes karmic debt to be different from Abyssal Corruption? But it (karmic debt) does sound similar to Forbidden Knowledge in its affects.

And if we go that karmic debt and Forbidden Knowledge ARE connected, he might even just have access to it as the Abyssal Corruption enhances that ambition to possess, and in a way protects him from succumbing to karmic debt to instead control it? Hmm. Might be bit of a stretch, but there's potential, maybe?

But, it would allow for a corrupted yandere Xiao! Though I feel like someone already wrote this...? Ah, if this is a fic summary I read and am just regurgitating, please let know the fic! 😭 I'll link it and delete my text if this is the case!

I'm sorry if this isn't a good request fulfillment orz

I think the first thing Void Xiao would do, is try to kill the main timeline Xiao and dump him in the Chasm where no one can find the body. Xiao could get saved by the Black Serpent knights, of whom are on a loop of protecting people and with the Abyssal Corruption on our Xiao, might mistake him for a dying hilichurl. The Fatui underground could then further help him identifying what they believe is an injured person and as we learn from them while in there, they aren't inherently bad people. I think they would genuinely try to help him, even with their limited resources.

Anyway, Void Xiao would split his attentions between capturing the time he lost with Barbatos, never being close enough to risk hurting Venti with the Abyssal energy (in Monstadt prologue, we get confirmation it "poisons" Venti when he gets hurt by it when the Traveler+Paimon interrupt him attempting to heal Dvalin). But also that distance is so Venti *can't* identify that Void Xiao is compromised. Lots of bittersweet moments, with Venti happy that what he thinks is his Xiao finally wants to spend time with him. Void Xiao savoring each visit, the painful reminder it could be so easily taken away again, that this was something he once refused and now sees was for silly reasons.

The other would be him trying to empower Venti by gathering more believers. I know there's general agreement that Venti is much stronger than he let's on, and I won't get into that discussion too much. But in this story, if however strong he is wasn't enough to survive the Sinner, Void Xiao would see fit to give him more strength to maybe stand a better chance when the time comes in this world. (Perhaps there was never a Traveler in his timeline, and that's why the Sinner acted sooner?)

I can see him rescuing people from old habits, telling them that Barbaros sent him to save them. Venti would notice more people going to the church, worshiping the statue. Would get a bit confused, why are people getting more into... That? All the while, Void Xiao is feeling jealous. He understands WHY everyone wants to fawn over Venti when he sings, when he plays music. But do they have to get so close? And Monstadt citizens start getting hurt, going missing. Venti recognizes the pattern, and while he investigates Void Xiao goes with, pretending he doesn't know who did it either. All while adoring how "kind" Venti is, even to worry about his "stalkers" (none on the citizens ever were).

Our Xiao has strength to call for help, and Zhongli comes. Gives him the adeptal drink to help stave off the mix of karmic debt and Abyssal Corruption threatening to consume him, too. His only resistance is that he SAW what he becomes if he let it, and that if he doesn't resist Venti WILL get hurt and he'll be helping to hurt him instead of warning him. Once strong enough, he struggles towards Monstadt, hoping he isn't too late.

Back over, Venti is noticing the trend and speaks with Dilic, well aware the man has also been following closely. They make a plan. Diluc pretends to be tipsy and be "too friendly" with Venti, and Venti "leaves." On Diluc's way back to the Dawn Winery, he gets attacked and is READY.

Except he's face to face with a demon. Diluc struggles in the fight, recognize the Abyssal energy his opponent is using. Venti shows up to help (he was tailing Diluc with enough distance), and is horrified to see the state Void Xiao is in, that HE'S the one that had been hurting people. Void Xiao holds Diluc hostage, telling Venti that he's doing what he has to. Doesn't Venti enjoy time with him, too? Doesn't Venti want to be with him? Venti asks him to let Diluc go. Diluc is one of his children, and was just pretending because Venti asked him to so he could find the culprit. He tries to reach out to the last goodness on Void Xiao, not wanting to hurt him but also trying to save Diluc.

Diluc is not blinded by the love that Venti is. He can very well see that Void Xiao is ready to kill Diluc once Venti isn't there to force the corrupted one to save face. He uses his Delusion (in Canon he has the one that killed his father), and the Pyro distracts/hurts Void Xiao enough he can put some distance. Venti helps hold off Void Xiao, and tells Diluc to run. Diluc doesn't want to leave, but Venti goes Full Barbatos and gives that look parents give to their kids to know they can either willingly go to their room or get carried to it. So Diluc runs, but back to Monstadt for backup.

Void Xiao, now terrified he's going to lose Venti again, shifts to more desperate measures. If Venti is corrupted, maybe he'll be safe? Maybe he'll understand? Too far deep into the affects of the Abyssal Corruption to realize this would kill Venti. So Void Xiao pleads - please? Won't Venti hold his hand while he succumbs to karmic debt? Playing on that kindness Venti has. And why would Venti refuse? Warped as Void Xiao is, he still thinks this is his Xiao! Yes, he'll get poisoned, but he'll just go to Windrise again to get cleansed.

Except Void Xiao grabs him, claws in and bites down so Venti can't get away without hang to literally rip the other off. The energy immediately starts trying to seep in, Venti struggling to get away, trying to find how to do so without hurting Void Xiao too much. Void Xiao is whispering it'll be okay, giving the soft kisses he always wanted to give but until then couldn't.

And then Xiao shows up, cutting clean off both Void Xiao's arms to save Venti. It's slow-mo. Venti turning, eyes widening to see his Xiao there, full of exhaustion but there. Xiao glaring at Void Xiao through his mask, more angry that he was killing Venti with cruelty while whispering how much he loved him. Void Xiao, who's eyes never leave Venti even as the corruption forms monstrous arms so he can "save" himself and Venti "from" this timeline's Xiao.

Diluc arrives with Jean, Kaeya, Rosaria, and Lisa (Jean knew, Kaeya and Lisa figured it out, and Rosaria learned about it while tailing Venti when doing her own investigation of the injured/missing citizens). Xiao orders them to get Venti to Windrise, as their best option is Barbatos not dying? But Void Xiao tries to prevent that, and it becomes a battle to not get infected themselves, and getting Venti who's getting weaker to the tree.

It's difficult and long, but they do get to Windrise. Venti gets stronger, Void Xiao gets weaker. And at the end, the last of the Abyssal Corruption leaving a dying Void Xiao, Venti holds him. Gives him those last moments that he never got. Afterwards, he checks on his children, on his Xiao. Everyone is hurt, but not tainted. Before Xiao leaves Venti tells him, "he told me that he regretted never spending time with me, and then it was too late." And then he asks, "Are you the same?" Hopeful that maybe, maybe all that time he spent with Void Xiao wasn't just the influence of Abyssal Corruption. That this isn't one-sided on Venti's part in this time.

"...I would like that." Xiao admits. Because his biggest regret in the Chasm, where he thought he might die... Was that he never spent time with Venti. Never got to be the reason the other smiled, and all this time... Now? He's learning Venti felt the same.

And so they do.

[encasedinobsidian]

Thoughts on writing - June 16 

I don’t expect anyone to read this, but I meant for this tumblr to be specifically for my writing after all, so I figure this is the place to put these thoughts, and anyone is welcome to read them if interested. I’m just reflecting on myself as a writer, how I relate to this hobby, and about feeling discouraged/lacking in meaning, and trying to figure out where to go with it when there are no clear paths ahead. 

I feel like I vent to my friends often but never really try to articulate my thoughts the way I do when I actually write, so maybe writing about writing will help me sort it out for myself. 

I never meant for writing to become much of anything at all. I started writing a fanfic, thought it was funny, and my intention was to post it and move on like I always move on from any other hobby, following the same pattern of interest → hyperfixation → creating something → getting bored → discovering something new. I had no experience with writing or fandom, and it was thanks to a tiktok on my FYP that I even discovered Pedro boy fanfic in the first place, though I found it insanely weird at first. My eventual amusement obviously turned into something much more significant, and I’ve found a lot of personal healing through writing, discovered different sides of myself, developed the ability to sustain the attention needed to read a full length book, etc. I guess the difficulty is knowing where to go with it. 

It’s funny - I frequently find myself thinking this sucks, why am I doing this, nothing interesting will come of this, my brain is empty, fuck this, about writing. And I say those things but then I write anyway. I say I’m done with it and thanks for the past 15 months, I’m out, and then a few hours later I’m on my doc coming up with something. I can’t really stop at this point, it’s like my internal monologue got a physical manifestation and now it’s something I just do. At any given time, I can open my docs and add something to some story, regardless of where I am. It’s like a reflex at this point, and I have no control over it. I put my hands on the keyboard and things just come out one way or another. 

I frequently feel like I’ve reached the end of my own ability, though, or the end of what I’m capable of creating. I was never an avid reader, so there’s a foundational understanding of storytelling that I largely feel like I don’t have. I’ve read more in 2024 than I have in my whole life, actually finishing books instead of reading the first quarter over and over, so I essentially feel a bit dumb or lacking in knowledge about what makes a story interesting. I really, truly have no idea what I’m doing, I don’t know any conventions I’m supposed to follow. I pretty much know the concept of “showing not telling” and that’s it. I also know the typical series buildup of the angst peaking, conflict, resolution, which I'm now trying not to do so I don't repeat myself too much across series. I’ve also read a lot of things (both books and fics) that I very much enjoy but that don’t match my inner voice at all really, and ended up feeling less than as a writer because certain styles of writing don’t come naturally to me. Reading American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis was the first time I read something and thought, wow, this actually reads very naturally to me, especially after a year of feeling like my inner voice is wrong or oversimplified or dumbed down. 

And even though we all write for ourselves, we are all affected by our audience. I’ve been sort of brutal in unintentionally cutting down my own audience by moving platforms and no longer writing the things that gained me my following in the first place, and I guess I’ve done it as part of my constant, neverending, extreme need for authenticity of some sort, and a hatred for being boxed in or expected to do things I don’t want to do. Truthfully, I don’t know what my audience wants from me, and even if I knew, I probably wouldn’t be able to cater to it. If I put out a poll and asked what people wanted to see from me, the overwhelming majority would likely say Joel Miller with no real specifics on what type of story they’d want to see, or they’d want my rendition of something they’re already familiar with. And there’s nothing wrong with that at all, I’m very flattered by everyone enjoying my takes on that man, but I guess I’m in this place where I’ve spent so much goddamn time on writing and I need to figure out who I am as a writer completely outside of that. 

One of my writing colleagues said that I’m very mercurial, and I’d never thought much about that word at all despite how well it describes how I’ve been my entire life. I can never seen to make up my mind on things, and I’m frequently changing, removing stuff, my writing style changes as I deepen my understanding of the story, my characters etc, as I take more things into consideration and expand my own view. 

To put it in Patrick Bateman terms: this reflection…. Has meant…. Nothing. And it’s true - there is no real meaning to it, cause it’s me sitting here at 6pm, looking out my window and trying to find meaning and direction in a hobby that is a completely open landscape, and where it seems like publishing is the only real goal one can have. Either that or internet success. I don’t know, I’m not sure where I’m going with any of it and who will want to read it. I guess I have a fear that everyone who has ever followed me only wants me around as yet another source of endless Joel fic and that nobody really has an interest in my writing for what it is, or for the writer I am. I don’t try to be like anyone else - everyone sees things differently, and my fics are just a representation of how all these different scenarios look in my mind. My hope is that the people who enjoy my writing regardless of characters enjoy my writing because they enjoy my POV, or enjoy the attention paid to the things I emphasize. 

Maybe I’ll come up with something more concise next time, but this has been my writing journal entry for now !!