#instead of going through the whole kickstarter song and dance

[antisocialxconstruct]

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[duchesstopaz]

*Trigger Warnings: Descriptions of su*c*d*l ideations, hospitalizations, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse, guilt, bipolar depression, anxiety.* Sunday, May 28th, 2023 Part 4

12:06pm

My resolve sparked the shift. The shift from watching my pieces scatter from me sporadically to gluing them back together. By the time I landed, I knew there were expectations for me, whether they were from you or my friends, or even myself. Everything was still moving too fast, I really couldn’t keep up, but all I could think about was that I had to and that you two were there to help me.

But only half of that was true.

After I landed and we went to Langone (hospital), I think both of our expectations broke and we didn’t know what to do. I was in an unfamiliar place (New York City) with a deadline of January 1st to move out. I was losing myself throughout that entire time, and instead of finding hope, I found rejection immediately. Langone was the destination in my mind that would turn the tides. I would be able to heal and receive the treatment that I needed to kickstart the right kind of growth. I was ready to let go of my control of myself and release my inhibitions in the hope of something great… for me. 

But instead, I was rejected and I walked away with a packet of every out-patient facility in the NYC area.

Everything was too much. I was broken and was fighting myself to not to want to give up, for you and everyone else, and I decided to keep saving face and see it through. Then maybe, it would be for me too.

After Langone, you were upset, it was nowhere near the plan of me staying in the hospital for 2 weeks. I think that’s when I shied away from you and confided in Gem. I was upset too that Langone didn’t work out, but I was so tired, too tired, of trying to lift off the ground and take flight. I needed time to gain more energy, to repair my mask that was so close to completely breaking. Because if I wasn’t okay enough to manage, then all of your efforts and money would have been wasted. So, I did just that. I rested for almost a week, and felt strings lifting me to dance a song I didn’t know.

You guys did your best to pour into me. By telling me to journal again, to eat, drink water, to get outside. Despite all that was on each of your plates, you made sure I knew that you were there for me. But, how you specifically did it took much longer to understand.

I felt like I was an intruder in your home. A parasite taking what you had for a gain I had not identified or knew existed. I was trying to be so careful; not to do something wrong, to upset you, to make you question if bringing me there was a mistake…

You asked me to wash the dishes, I started washing them almost every time, so you wouldn’t have to ask again. You got upset that second week that I didn’t take out the trash and recycling on time, I made sure to take them out by the end of each day. You told me to clean the bathroom on the weekends, I put time aside to clean it on Sundays. You told me y’all like to spot clean throughout the week, as soon as I saw cat litter on the hallway floor, I was sweeping and moping the whole house.

You told me that I was irresponsible with money, that it was a slap to the face, even though it wasn’t with your money. I stopped buying things that was just for me, bought groceries for the household, and occasionally bought a coffee.

You told me that you expected me to go back to school in January, then when I said that I didn’t want to, you only said okay. I started looking at colleges and scholarships and made a list.

You told me that you didn’t have the space for me to regularly let you know the progress I was making, even though I was putting in all this effort for you, for you to keep seeing me alive and well. I stopped talking because there was nothing left of me to pull from and share.

Part 1 -- Part 2 -- Part 3 -- Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

[sleephyjhs]

You’re sleep deprived (REACTION)

[ requested / masterlist ]

KSJ

Your head followed Jin’s shoulders as they bounced up and down. Using his shoulders as a pillow wasn’t unusual for you. He had just told his 1000th dad joke of the evening; any other night you wouldnt have found them as funny as you did.

As his laughing slowed, he looked over to see you struggling to stop, “You never laugh this much at my jokes, what’s wrong?”

Between deep breathes, you struggled to say, “Nothing.. I can’t breathe.. I think I’m overtired.”

“You must be if you’re laughing this hard,” he couldn’t help but become endeared at your beaming, yet sleepless face, “how about we get you to bed? It’s looking late.”

“Hmm okay!” You giggled, wrapping your arms around your boyfriend’s broad shoulders. He hoisted you into his arms with no diffculty and hurriedly carried you up the stairs.

Without hesitation, after he’d tucked you into your bed, Jin wrapped your figure in thick blankets to shield you from the cold, and left you to sleep. Not of course, without leaving a warm kiss on your forehead.

MYG

You’d spent most of your morning relaxing in Yoongi’s studio at the company. He’d been working on a new song and was desperate to get your opinion on it. Just a few final tweaks and it would be done.

The night before, you’d received close to no sleep at all. Coming to the end of your first trimester of pregnancy meant your constant sickness was starting to fade away. But not quick enough.

Not being the type to disturb someone else, you suffered in the bathroom with your sickness until the morning. Now, your lack of sleep was finally catching up to you.

As Yoongi played you his new song, you couldn’t help but flutter your eyes. They ached just by being open, “Honey? Are you tired? Didn’t you sleep well last night?”

You weren’t surprised he didn’t hear you the night before, but of course, he could sleep through an apocalypse, “No, I was so sick.”

“Lay down there. Catch some sleep now.”

“No, you’re working on music and I’m just in the way. I’ll go sleep in the lounge or somewhere.” You argued, standing slowly to avoid inducing more sickness.

“Thank god for headphones then. Please, just stay. There’s blankets and pillows there. Let me know if you need anything,” knowing Yoongi was always prepared reassured you for the coming months. His presence was comfort enough.

JHS

Whenever you had a spare few hours between work shifts, you’d join Hoseok in the dance studio. It’s how you met, and so you’d often use dance to reconnect with one another after a long day.

However today, you were more exhausted than usual. Before you, you watched Hobi’s blurred figure compromise different movements as he counted out the beats. Your eyes couldn’t help but fall to the floor as your heavy eyelids covered them.

“Does that look okay?” He asked, but you couldn’t reply. You heard his question, but an answer didn’t occur to you until a few seconds later.

“Huh? Sorry..” was all you could mumble. With effort, you raised your head to look at Hoseok in the eye, and of course, he was clearly concerned about you.

“You look so tired, would you like to call it a night and get home?” You could barely manage to nod at his prompt, “Come on, jagi.”

He linked his arm in yours, gathered your coats and bags and lead you out from the company building and into the car park. To you, the short trip took what seemed like several weeks.

Hoseok cranked up the heating and handed you a blanket he kept in the boot of his car, “It’s always busy this time of night, maybe get some sleep on the way home? I’ll drive smoothly, I promise.”

KNJ

You followed Namjoon closely as he toured the bookstore. Equally, the pair of you both loved books, but you’d simply couldn’t find the energy to search for your next big read.

Namjoon read different blurbs to you and made his judging comments on each of them. Usually, his witty analogies of different plots and summaries made you giggle but in that moment, you’d have way preferred a bed to a book.

“You usually pick up at least a couple of books. What’s up, do you just not feel like reading?” Namjoon asked you halfway through your widest yawn that afternoon.

“Reading would make me even more tired but I don’t think that’s possible.” You muttered, linking your arm with his and resting your head on his shoulders, “I’m okay though, take your time.”

Although you couldn’t see, Namjoon’s eyes thinned as he smiled at your drowsy slur. His cheeks folded into dimples as he thought about how to help you.

He glanced at the selection of books he carried in his right arm, “We’ll get these and go, okay? You need rest so that’s what I’ll get you.”

PJM

Once a week, you and Jimin liked to take the time to cook together. Neither of you were particularly gourmet level, however your skills put together always made for an interesting meal.

Today, Jimin was in charge. He had found a new recipe to try and so to make sure things ran as smoothly as they could, you split the workload equally.

Midway through stirring together some kind of mixture, you began to feel a rare drowsiness filter through you. It was hardly mid-afternoon, surely you weren’t already exhausted?

“Go lay down, honey,” The slowing of your stirring must have told Jimin something wasn’t right. Any other day you would have known your unresponsive state would worry him, “I’ll wake you when it’s ready.”

“No it’s okay, I’m okay. There’s so much to do, you can’t do it alone.” You insisted, using the very last of your willpower to finish the stirring.

“Look, you’re virtually finished. I promise you, I can finish this. Let me surprise you, for once?” The joking pout he formed was easily enough to convince you. Jimin knew too well your soft spot for casual aegyo.

KTH

This was your first time flying privately with Taehyung and the boys. Their latest tour kickstarted in Brazil, and as you had never been before, Taehyung convinced his management to allow you to join them.

The whole crew of staff and members flooded the private waiting lounge and inevitably caused a gentle bustle of chat and laughter. You tried hard to focus on what Tae was telling you; the last you could remember he was explaining the concept of his new favourite album.

You hated coming across as though you were uninterested, but in reality, you were just exhausted. By knowing him a few years, you knew Taehyung didn’t like to be ignored when talking about something he loved, and so trying to regain attention was your main priority.

“Are you listening?” Taehyung whispered into your empty ear (the other filled with the melodies of obscure music). His soothing, deeper voice certainly didn’t help your drowsy state of mind.

“I’m trying, I really am. I’m just exhausted Tae, that’s all.” You worried that your apology would sound like a lazy excuse, but instead, his covered arm slipped around your shoulders and pulled you into his chest.

“We won’t leave you here, I promise. Take a quick nap, and then you can get some good rest on the way there. Sound good?”

His raspy voice still sounded better than the music he played you, “Sounds good.”

JJK

If there’s one thing you knew for certain about Jungkook, it’s that he hates to lose. Which was unfortunate for him, as you also hated to lose. Playing video games was dangerous for you two, as you were both as competitive as the other.

Despite this, you, without fail, managed to hook him up to a different games console in his spare him and thrash him at any game he liked. Most of the time, he chose Mario Kart, as he considered himself to be the better driver.

After several rounds and several losses from both of you, you decided to hold a tie breaker match. It would hardly be 3 minutes; it couldn’t possibly impact the exhaustion you already felt.

What you’d failed to tell Jungkook was that your longer shifts this week were finally beginning to catch up with you. It would hurt you to turn down his end-of-week gaming tournament.

“Y/N, did you hear me?” He placed his hand above your knee in hopes to gain you attention a different way, “Would you like to call it a tie this time?”

“What? No, no. It’s okay, let’s go.” It wasn’t okay, another minute really would be pushing you but you were still determined to beat him nonetheless.

You unintentionally zoned out again, and to break your daze, Jungkook swept a blankets around you and plumped the pillows on your other side, “I promise you we’ll rematch when you wake up. I also promise that I won’t let you win.”

( i changed your request a lil as i found it a bit difficult to vary in plots, but i hope this is still okay! )

[realbeeing]

ancestral trauma & healing

I’ve recently come to understand what it means to honor my ancestors. I had heard mystics and shamans talk about how we can either relate to our ancestors in an unhealthy way— by holding onto their pain and perpetuating it unconsciously— or in a healthy way, by doing our best to work through the dysfunctions they passed on to us, starting to identify the pain as not solely our own but part of a chain of experience from which now another decision can be made. Breaking the cycle, in other words. 

Lately I started to feel a lot about my Jewish heritage, especially because I got a DNA test where it was confirmed I am pretty much of three-quarters Ashkenazi Jewish descent. I already knew my father’s family and maternal grandmother’s family came from that tribe so it was not a huge surprise, but with the company I bought the test from, they reveal not just that you are of Ashkenazi descent but what that particular descent really means: usually being one-half to two-thirds Arab genetics with the other part Southern European genetics, often Italian. In my case, I learned I had about a third Arab and Near-East origins and another third Italian. (My levels were lower because I have one non-Jewish, Irish grandparent).

Going through my results brought to light a new realization for me about the story of my ancestors. The Jewish people had moved around a lot: from the Middle East, to the Roman Empire, to the German kingdom and then further into Eastern Europe. And then many of them left Europe entirely to come to the United States or to Israel, havens for the Jewish population. For some reason I had never really thought about what it took for my ancestors— really just my great grandparents — to come all the way to America  It was not like they just decided one day to to travel to a new continent for a vacation. Nowadays it’s hard to understand the scope of such travel before the time of cheap and abundant flights and a more globalized culture. I can’t imagine what it was like to uproot yourself from your homeland and go to a place where your familiar language wasn’t spoken, where the culture was totally different. No, they must have come here out of necessity. My family has kept scant records though so I can only speculate. 

I have read a lot about anti-semitism recently and the pogroms that occurred in Eastern Europe, where my ancestors were living. The Jews were always on the run, a persecuted people, for whatever reason that is still mysterious to me. Were we victims? Were we perpetuating this cycle ourselves from a victim complex? I wasn’t there to know. 

Jews have learned to make a home in many places. I feel that in myself in my need to travel and the desire I’ve had since being a child of running away, being a nomad, going to an unknown land. Yet what is my enjoyment was their serious task. In my youthful seeking phase I contacted a bunch of different eclectic religious paths, settling into the Hare Krishna way for a couple of years in Peru as well as going into strange rabbit holes about all sorts of new age topics such as aliens and lost civilizations. In this period, I hardly thought about Judaism at all, nor my ancestors. I was convinced the body is just a phantasm, that we are soul first and thus that my true ancestry was first cosmic and that any earthly ties were not a subject for any earnest consideration. Growing up on North American native land, spending time on Andean land, going deep into Vedic religion— I was a mix of many influences and those related to blood seemed like the least relevant. 

In my Krishna commune, we called our group “family” and I think genuinely felt that way about each other. It was not genetics that connected us but a spiritual purpose and a belief we were all headed to the same lofty quarters of heaven. I remember learning one Hebrew song after hearing tons of Vedic chants and seeing a Star of David in my mind’s eye during a sweat lodge, but other than that my ethnic-spiritual past seemed far away.  

Meanwhile it wasn’t until a couple of years after leaving that group when I began to do a lot of deeper healing than that which had been supposedly dealt with in my religion, when I thought all my burdens had been lit on fire by god. In a way it was true: I received a spiritual communion which rooted itself so deeply in my consciousness that I can never go back to who I was before that experience. But still there was quite a deep wound to address, namely a traumatic childhood based on being abused by a parent. A parent who was abused by their own parent. And so on: a chain not of spiritual transmission but of shit. They were not the ancestors how I would have liked to imagine them: old sages or native chiefs whispering wise words in my ear. I did not want to admit the reality of the situation for a long time because of my chronic conditioning to downplay serious events in my life, brushing them aside because I never thought they were important enough—  which was an idea I had been brandished with by my abuser. Also it went against the image I had of myself as this spiritually liberated person. It wasn’t necessarily that this image was a complete illusion, which is a tempting conclusion to make when we receive a humbling from life. It would be easier to dismiss the entire past— but nothing can be so black and white. My ancestors are not all good or all evil. My initial spiritual experimentation did yield some truly healing moments. That was real for the time being. I could find meaning as a “galactic” citizen. But then eventually I did have to come down to earth. Another layer of the spiral had to unfold. A death had to take place. 

At first I resisted it and I saw my life stagnate a lot. Besides the fact that I was forcibly stranded in a rural country not my own due to the worldwide pandemic, I was stuck creatively, mentally and socially. I was isolating myself both physically and in way of ideas. I slowly started to become more interested in conspiracy theories, especially since world events have gotten so crazy which has sparked a whole tidal wave of increased paranoid thinking among everyone. Forget my ancestors being persecuted-- I was being persecuted just for being alive! The essential message of love—which was the lesson of all my valuable spiritual trips— was sometimes forgotten and the adrenaline rush of fear or excitement at some impending catastrophic event became almost a hobby and stood in for giving my time and energy to more creative and nourishing endeavors. It took a location move and I think my Saturn return to really kickstart a new cycle for myself, one where I do want to look at the pain I have been carrying and see how this pain is both mine and is not. The suffering in my genetic line is both something I can transcend out of and something I am inexplicably bound to and responsible for addressing. 

In the recognition of pain comes the power needed to finally confront it head on. I thought I had already sufficiently looked into my past and done the emotional purging work— but it was a whole new step for me to acknowledge the abuse as well as to acknowledge that I had some degree of trauma from what I went through. What followed from taking this step was not only more self-love and psychological balance but also a razing of my mental inventory: I was not exactly who I thought I was. This clearing made space for new inspiration and motivation, for the courage to create beauty where I could. To make jewelry, paint, dance, run, sing. Things I had forgotten and filled instead with trivial information. That was okay then, and I am okay now too. It is not some before/after scenario: that paradigm of healing is over. Like I said, healing is a spiral which unfurls at its own pace. I am exactly where I need to be. And from this vantage point, I can better hear what my ancestors are speaking to me, and I listen— while also telling them, I’m going to do things a bit differently now. We are going to do things different. 

[d-criss-news]

Darren Criss acts as playwright when he writes songs. He’s far more confident, and certainly more vulnerable, when he allows himself to play the part. In such a way, songwriting opens up a whole new world that pulses with untapped potential. So much of what he has accomplished in 15 years resides in his willingness to expose himself to what his imagination and intuition have in store. He steps into a playwright’s shoes with considerable ease (just look at his resume), and always one to put on plenty of bravado, especially during our Zoom face-to-face, it’s the natural order of things.

“As I get older and write more and more songs, I really recognize that I’ve always preferred to write for another context other than my own,” Criss tells American Songwriter. He speaks with a cool intensity, gesturing emphatically to accentuate a sentence, and when you let him go, he’s like the Energizer Bunny 一 “I can tell by just how quiet you already are that you’re fucked,” he jokes at the start of our video chat. But he remains just as engaged and focused when listening.

He soaks in the world, taking astute notes about behavior and emotional traits he can later use in song. His storytelling, though, arrives already in character, fully formed portraits he can then relay to the world. It’s not that he can’t be vulnerable, like such greats as Randy Newman, Tom Waits, and Rufus Wainwright, who have all embroidered their work with deeply personal observations, it just doesn’t feel as comfortable. “I’ve always really admired the great songwriters of the world who are extremely introspective and can put their heart and soul on the chopping block,” he muses. “That’s a vulnerability that I think is so majestic. I’ve never had access to it. I’m not mad about it. It’s just good to know what your deal is.”

Criss’ strengths lie in his ability to braid his own experiences, as charmed as they might be, into wild, goofy fantasies. In the case of his new series “Royalties,” now streaming on Quibi, he walks a fine line between pointed commentary on the music industry, from menial songwriting sessions to constantly chasing down the next smash, and oddball comedy that is unequivocally fun. Plotted with long-standing friends and collaborators Matt and Nick Lang, co-founders of Team StarKid, created during their University of Michigan days (circa 2009), the show’s conceptual nucleus dates back more than a decade.

If “Royalties” (starring Criss and Kether Donohue) feels familiar, that’s because it is. The 10-episode show ─ boasting a smorgasbord of delightful guest stars, including Mark Hammill, Georgia King, Julianna Hough, Sabrina Carpenter, and Lil Rel Howery ─ captures the very essence of a little known web series called “Little White Lie.” Mid-summer 2009, Team StarKid uploaded the shoddy, low budget production onto YouTube, and its scrappy tale of amateur musicians seeking fame and fortune quickly found its audience, coming on the heels of “A Very Potter Musical,” co-written with and starring Criss. Little did the trio know, those initial endeavors laid the groundwork for a lifetime of creative genius.

“It’s a full circle moment,” says Criss, 33, zooming from his Los Angeles home, which he shares with his wife Mia. He’s fresh-faced and zestful in talking about the new project. 11 years separate the two series, but their connective thematic tissues remain striking. “Royalties” is far more polished, the obvious natural progression in so much time, and where “Little White Lie” soaked in soapy melodrama, the former analyzes the ins and outs of the music world through more thoughtful writing, better defined (and performed) characters, and hookier original tunes.

“Royalties” follows Sara (Donohue) and Pierce (Criss), two struggling songwriters in Los Angeles, through various career exploits and pursuits. The pilot, titled “Just That Good,” features an outlandish performance from Rufus Wainwright as a major player in dance-pop music, kickstarting the absurdity of Criss’ perfectly-heightened reality. As our two main characters stumble their way between songwriting sessions, finally uncovering hit single potential while eating a hot dog, Criss offers a glimpse into the oft-unappreciated art of songwriting.

In his own songwriting career ─ from 2010’s self-released Human EP and a deal with Columbia Records (with whom a project never materialized) to 2017’s Homework EP and Computer Games’ debut, Lost Boys Life, (a collaboration with his brother Chuck) ─ he’s learned a thing or two about the process. Something about sitting in a room with someone you’ve never met before always rang a little funny to him.

“You meet a stranger, and you have to be creative, vulnerable, and open. It’s speed-dating, essentially. It’s a different episode every time you pull it off or not. All the big songwriters will tell you all these crazy war stories. Everyone has a wacky story from songwriting,” he says. “I slowly realized I may ─ I can’t flatter myself, there are tons of creative people who are songwriters ─ have prerequisites to just put the two together [TV and music]. I’ve worked enough in television as an actor and creator. I can connect the dots. I had dual citizenship where I felt like it was really time for me to go forth with this show.”

But a packed professional life pushed the idea to the backburner.

Between six seasons of “Glee” (playing Blaine Anderson, a Warbler and lover to Chris Colfer’s Kurt Hummel), starring in “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” on Broadway, and creating Elsie Fest, a one-day outdoor festival celebrating songs of the stage and screen, he never had the time. “I was lucky enough to be busy,” he says. “As Team StarKid’s star was continuing to rise with me being separate from it, I was trying to think of a way to get involved again with songwriting.”

At one point, “Glee” had officially wrapped and his Broadway run was finished. It appeared “Royalties” may finally get its day in the sun. “I went to Chicago for a work pilgrimage with the Langs. We had a few days, and we put all our ideas on the map: every musical, feature film, show, graphic novel, and animated series we’ve ever thought of,” he says. “A lot of them were from the Langs; they were just things I was interested in as a producer or actor. We looked at all of them and made a top three.”

“Royalties” obviously made the cut.

Fast forward several years, Gail Berman’s SideCar, a production company under FOX Entertainment, was looking to produce a music show. Those early conversations, beginning at an otherwise random LA party, showed great promise in airlifting the concept from novel idea to discernible reality. Things quickly stalled, however, as they often do in Hollywood, but Criss had at least spoken his dreams into the universe.

“I finally had an outlet to put it into gear. It wasn’t until two to three years after that that things really locked in. We eventually made shorts and made a pilot presentation. We showed it to people, and it wasn’t until Quibi started making their presence known that making something seemed really appealing,” he says. “As a creator, they’re very creator-centric. They’re not a studio. They’re a platform. They are licensing IP much like when a label licenses an indie band’s album after the fact.”

Quibi has drawn severe ire over the last few months, perhaps because there is a “Wild Westness” to it, Criss says. “I think that makes some people nervous. Being my first foray into something of this kind, Quibi felt like a natural partner for us. If this had been a network or cable show, we would’ve molded it to be whatever it was.”

Format-wise, “Royalties” works best as bite-sized vignettes, charming hijinks through the boardroom and beyond, and serves as a direct response to a sea of music shows, from “Nashville” and “Empire” to “Smash.” “Those shows were bigger, more melodramatic looks at the inside base of our world. I’ve always been a goofball, and I just wanted to take the piss out of it,” he says. “This show isn’t about songwriting. It’s about songwriters… but a very wacky look at them.”

“30 Rock,” a scripted comedy loosely based around “Saturday Night Live,” in which the focus predominantly resides around the characters, rather than the business itself, was also on his mind. “It’s about the interconnectivity of the people and characters. As much of the insider knowledge that I wanted to put into our show, at the end of the day, you just want to make a fun, funny show that’s relatable to people who know nothing about songwriting and who shouldn’t have to know anything.”

Throughout 10 episodes, Criss culls the “musicality, fun, and humor” of Fountains of Wayne’s Adam Schlesinger and Max Martin, two of his biggest songwriting heroes, and covers as many genres as possible, from K-Pop to rap-caviar and classic country. While zip-lining between formats, the songs fully rely on a sturdy storytelling foundation ─ only then can Criss drape the music around the characters and their respective trajectories. “I wanted to do something where I could use all the muscles I like to flex at once, instead of compartmentalizing them,” he says. “I really love writing songs for a narrative, not necessarily for myself. I thrive a little more when I have parameters, characters, and a story to tell.”

Bonnie McKee, one of today’s greatest pop architects, takes centerstage, too, with an episode called “Kick Your Shoes Off,” in which she plays a bizarro version of herself. “She has her own story, and I’ve always been fascinated by it,” says Criss, who took her out to lunch one day to tell her about it. Initially, the singer-songwriter, known for penning hits for Katy Perry, Taio Cruz, and Britney Spears, would anchor the entire show, but it soon became apparent she would simply star in her own gloriously zany episode.

In one of the show’s standout scenes, Pierce and Sara sit in on a label meeting with McKee’s character and are tasked with writing a future hit. But they quickly learn how many cooks are in the kitchen at any given moment. Everyone from senior level executives to publicists and contracted consultants have an opinion about the artist’s music. One individual urges her to experiment, while another begs not to alienate her loyal fanbase, and then a third advises her to chronicle the entire history of music itself ─ all within three minutes or so. It’s absurd, and that’s the point. “Everyone’s been in that meeting, whether you’re in marketing or any creative discussion that has to be made on a corporate level by committee. It’s the inevitable, comedic contradictions and dissociations from not only rationality but feasibility.”

Criss also draws upon his own major label days, having signed with Sony/Columbia right off the set of “Glee,” as well as second-hand accounts from close friends. “There are so many artists, particularly young artists, who famously get chewed up and spat out by the label system,” he says. “There’s a lot of sour tastes in a lot of people’s mouths from being ‘mistreated’ by a label. I have a lot of friends who’ve had very unfortunate experiences.”

“I was really lucky. I didn’t have that. I have nothing but wonderful things to say,” he quickly adds.“It wasn’t a full-on drop or anything. I was acting, and I was spreading myself really thin. It’s a record label’s job to make product, and I was doing it piecemeal here and there. I would shoot a season [of ‘Glee’] and then do a play. I was doing too many things. I didn’t have it in me at the time to do music. I had written a few songs I thought were… fine.”

Both Criss and the label came to the same conclusion: perhaps this professional relationship just wasn’t a good fit. They parted ways, and he harbors no ill-will. In fact, he remains close friends with many folks from that time. So, it seems, a show like “Royalties” satisfies his deep hunger to make music and write songs ─ and do it totally on his own terms.

“I still say I want to put out music, and fans have been very vocal about that. I feel very fortunate they’re still interested at all,” he says. “That passion for making music really does come out in stuff like [this show].”

“Royalties” is Darren Criss at his most playful, daring, and offbeat. It’s the culmination of everything he has tirelessly worked toward over the last decade and a half. Under pressure with a limited filming schedule, he hits on all cylinders with a soundtrack, released on Republic Records, that sticks in the brain like all good pop music should do. And it would not have been the same had he, alongside Matt and Nick Lang, not formed Team StarKid 11 years ago.

Truth be told, it all began with a “Little White Lie.”

[pccrunfortunatesouls]

|| Get to know SEBASTIAN “SKIP SPARKYPANTS” SEGURA who’s TWENTY-TWO years old and works as a POPSTAR in town. He is from NEW JERSEY and is often times mistaken for DIEGO TINOCO while others say he reminds them of SKIP SPARKYPANTS from THE FAIRLY ODDPARENTS. ||

Skip has been an attention seeker for as long as he can remember. Being the middle of five children, he was always the forgotten child and he felt like he had to work really hard to be noticed. He was always the king of running into the room shouting “hey mom, look at this!” and showing her a flip or a new dance moved he learned. And she always came back with a half-hearted “that’s nice sweetie”, only half watching and never giving the enthusiasm that Skip was looking for. It only pushed him to be louder and more obnoxious in his quest for getting attention.

He was always the kid in class that was getting in trouble for causing a disruption. You know the one I’m talking about. Since he wasn’t getting the attention he wanted at home, he decided he would get it from his classmates instead. He started out by making little jokes in class, usually at the teacher’s expense, that would make whoever was sitting next to him laugh. Then he started escalating it to physical comedy, one time disrupting the class for a whole twenty minutes because he thought it would be funny to stick his head through the hole in the back of the classroom chair and it got stuck. Even if people were laughing at him, he was getting attention the attention he wanted and he was starting to get addicted to it.

The first time he ever got attention from his peers where people were cheering him along rather than laughing at him was when he performed at the ninth grade talent show. He got up on stage and performed Shiny Teeth and Me, and the crowed absolutely loved it. Everyone was screaming and clapping, asking him to perform another song, and afterwards lots of people came up to him telling him how great he was. That’s how he got the idea to start his YouTube channel.

His YouTube channel was slow going at first, uploading a Chip Skylark cover every month or so and getting a couple thousand views. He was happy with even that, thinking that he was really doing something here. But over time his number of followers started to grow until he was uploading a cover at least once a week to appease the hundreds of thousands of people that were tuning in. And much to his surprise, almost all of the comments were good. People were loving him. For the first time ever, Skip was thinking he might try to make music his career and even had plans to apply to NYU for performing arts when he graduated high school. And then one day when he was eighteen, Chip tweeted out some fan covers, Skip’s cover of Icky Vicky among them, and his whole life changed.

Overnight, Skip’s video had over a million views and he could hardly believe what was happening. Chip Skylark noticing him would have been enough for him, because as much as he didn’t talk about it, Chip was his absolute idol. Watching a latino pop star get such commercial success meant everything to him, and Skip wanted nothing more than to be just like him. He even brushed his teeth religiously, just so if he ever met Chip the man would be impressed with his own shiny teeth. He was obsessed. And now here Chip is, being the absolute angel that he is and kickstarting Skip’s career, because only a week after Chip tweeted his cover, Skip got a call from a talent scout.

The talent scout made all sorts of big promises to Skip about how he was going to be the biggest international pop star in the world, even bigger than Chip, and he jumped at it without a second thought. He didn’t even consult his parents or take the time to thoroughly read the entire contract; he just withdrew his acceptance from NYU, signed the contract, and was ready to get into the studio. Skip was born to be a star, and finally other people were realizing it. Everything he wanted was coming true.

It wasn’t long before Skip learned that he probably should have read the fine print of his contract, because his record label practically owned him. Skip didn’t have any creative say in any of the music he was making, didn’t even have any say on the outfits he was wearing. Which is exactly how he became Skip Sparkypants. One day while he was in a fitting for his first show, a rep from the label came in with the ugliest pair of sparkly red pants that Skip had ever seen in his life. He was no stranger to wearing ridiculous clothes, doing it all the time when he was in high school to get attention from the girls he liked, but he had really thought this was going to be a time to reinvent himself. To go on stage looking cool. He tried to protest, told his manager that under no circumstances would he go on that stage looking like a disco ball, but he quickly learned that he had no say, that this was going to be his thing. It was his way of competing with Chip Skylark. Chip had his shiny teeth, and apparently Skip had his sparkly pants.

While he was originally deeply upset about his lack of creative control, as soon as Skip got his first taste of fame he didn’t care anymore. It turns out that his fans really loved the sparkly pants, so what was he protesting for? It wasn’t long before the fame was completely starting to get to Skip’s head. He’d never received this kind of attention before, never been loved and adored, and it turned him into kind of an asshole. He had high demands, got snappy and impatient with everyone that worked with him, and was just overall a dick. He even started getting so full of himself that he would request things like only red m&ms in his dressing room, because red m&ms were the best, just like him.

As soon as he started developing an attitude, his team put him through extensive media training to make sure he didn’t ruin his image. He was being billed as a sweet, caring, fun guy, a total heartthrob, and his team wasn’t willing to risk losing that image. And he got incredibly good at it. While he’s a dick behind closed doors, throwing around demands, and even somethings throwing tantrums like a petulant child, in front of his fans and the media, he’s the best. Girls want to be with him, guys want to be him, and both his music and his image are skyrocketing.

His rivalry with Chip started out slowly. The first time they met, Skip was so excited to meet his idol, the man that kickstarted his career, and it broke his heart to learn that Chip truthfully had absolutely no idea who he was. And Skip really got his feelings hurt about it. Rather than just waiting until Chip learned who he was, Skip started becoming a little bit of a dick to Chip every time they saw each other. Eventually Chip started being rude right back, and over the years it’s started to grow and take a life of it’s own. Now they absolutely loathe each other and everyone knows it.

It wasn’t that Skip wasn’t a famous pop star, because he was. He was still selling out his concerts, but his venues were just a bit smaller than the ones Chip was playing it. He was still doing numbers on the charts, but he kept charting lower than Chip. He was still chased down by mobs of fans that passed him on the street, but those mobs were just a bit smaller and screamed just a little quieter than the ones that chased after Chip. When he was first discovered, the scout promised that he would be an even bigger star than Chip, and Skip just can’t let that go. Too busy focusing on being better than Chip, he hardly takes the time to enjoy his own success.

The Incident, as he likes to call it, happened so quickly that he barely remembers it. After having one (or five) too many drinks at his place, he was on the way to the club with his friends when a fan stopped him to ask for a photo. He was so excited until she called him Chip, and then something in him snapped. Maybe it was the alcohol, or perhaps it was the years of boiling resentment for the other star, but Skip just exploded. How dare she confuse him for that shiny teethed little bitch? He started screaming it at the top of his lungs, ranting about everything that’s wrong with Chip Skylark. Don’t you know who I am? he remembers yelling, not paying any attention to the fact that everyone around them had started taking out their phones to film his meltdown. He only shut up when his friends physically dragged him away, and even then he went with a bit of kicking and screaming.

After an agonizing day curled up on his couch under a weighted blanket, watching the video being circulated all over Twitter and Instagram, Skip pulled out the old notes app to post an apology to his account. Saying that he made a mistake and didn’t mean what he said, and he was very sorry to any of his fans that he hurt. He was going to try to be better. Skip posted it with all the confidence in the world, sure that it would be enough to get his fans back on his side, but all the negative comments just kept coming. His fans were disappointed, wanting to know what happened to the fun loving Sparkypants the knew and love. Suddenly they were questioning him, they couldn’t trust him anymore, and Skip’s team knew they had to take some sort of action.

Skip originally had no real intentions of becoming a better person while he’s in Corona, even though that’s very much his team’s intentions. They want him to take a long, hard look at himself and work to improve, but he doesn’t want to do that. What he wants is a long vacation on a beautiful island, and the chance to fuck with Chip Skylark. Everyone has heard the rumours that he’s having a hard time finishing his album, and he thinks this is his opportunity to finally get the one up on him.

Though many fans seem to be under the impression that Skip’s real name is Skip Sparkypants, it definitely is not. His real name is Sebastian Segura, but Skip is a nickname given to him by his family from the time he was born, and it just kind of stuck. And Sparkypants… well, everyone’s seen the man’s pants.

While he’s gotten out of the habit of cooking ever since becoming famous, because he has a chef to do that for him now, he’s always been a really good cook. Growing up he was always expected to make dinner for the family at least once a week, and those skills aren’t something that just leave you, even if you don’t use them anymore. His favourite first date move is to invite his date over to cook enchiladas because he thinks it makes him look humble.

The man is loud. Just… so very loud. Even with international love and success, he’s never gotten over his need for attention and will do anything he can to make sure he gets it. Usually that involves telling stories or jokes loudly and obnoxiously so everyone can hear. If he’s in the same area as you, you’ll know it.

Deep down, when he really tries to access his emotions, Skip is incredibly insecure and just doesn’t think he’s good enough. It’s why he’s so loud and obnoxious all the time. He thinks that if he puts on a front and appears confident, everyone will believe him. So far it’s working pretty well.

He has a pet hamster named Cornelius that he absolutely adores. Thinks he’s the cutest little guy in the world. If he’s not posting pictures on Instagram of himself or promoting his music, it’s pictures of little Corny.

[404fmdminjung]

self para — reflections

summary: a self-reflection into the psyche of seo minjung. (i got inspired — it’s trash don’t read it). warnings: analogies to suicide tw wc: 1468 

“아빠는 그냥... 네가 행복했으면 좋겠어.” (i just want you to be happy).

it’s the first time she hears those words from her father when she’s twenty-five — not a child, nor does she feel like an adult. (in hindsight, she doesn’t believe him).

in person, her hand cups the aged japanese whiskey (her father’s favorite). lets the pain from gripping onto something cold wash redness over her fragile fingers. she grimaces, clenches it harder — her hand shakes, just like her whole body rumbles from the exhaustion of thoughts and the tear that streamlines down her face.

ugly sobs and in comes the cataclysmic effect of short breaths, heavy chests. she lets go of the glass. lets herself reel in, savor the pang in her chest. it’s no longer freeing, no. it feels like a weight settled heavy, unwavering in the face of the short words.

“난 아빠 한테 죄야.” (to you, i’m only ever a burden). it comes out in muffled sobs and a voice too broken, incoherent.

happiness — she doesn’t know where happiness stems from.

—

she flits from one corner to another, her mind in a blanked out grey haze. it blackens out, darker and darker till it all hits — a blacked out mind, and her heart now hides behind coy smiles and rose-tinted words.

when she’s eight, she learns how to deal the cards to a game. 

one fold over and a pretty grin, teeth exposed. inside her eyes bring in the contest for warm conversation and false camaraderie. the type of laughter that frees her chest, and becomes enticing for the poor souls around. here, they feed into it with their hungry hands, reaching deep for the taste of seo minjung.

the voices rattle off the same backhanded sweet nothings that jar her heart more than they offer a billowing sense of an escape — pretty girl, funny girl. draws beautiful pictures of blossoming magnolias, never the lilies. jitae’s daughter, second in the top of her class (my son’s got first).

she learns skepticism early on.

how pearl lined teeth becomes masks for the piranhas of the vast sea, and how easy they are to bite before they entice her in with the bait singing the songs to her praise. (seo minjung never bites. never has, never will).

her mind crafts the boundaries for a make believe world. it’s her and the lonely willow tree in a distasteful breeze. palms behind her back, the branches are enough to cast their shadow — an ablation of the sunshine, she’s never craved it anyways. it’s her taste of permanency inside the four walls of her imagination with her legs crossed and eyes closed. ignorance is bliss, and she’ll only ever be blissfully lonely. 

—

then, she turns ten — she learns the backhanded rush of perfectionism.

it comes when her painting’s on display in tandem with the high marks of class. “she’s bound to the ivys at this rate.” they tell her. 

her lips curve into a smirk, and her father tells her: 넌 진짜 무서운 애야. (you’re a scary child).

when her hearts in play to the weeping willow, she doesn’t learn how to decipher his words nor the narrowed eyebrows that fidget when she stares right into it. what he means is straight, dead-on: nobody knows what your smile is ever thinking or what you’re hiding behind your head.

she learns to play a game with her own parents by age twelve.

it’s when perfection embodies itself in rose-tinted words, circular in motion and weaved in pastels. she lures them into a game one by one, fingers lightly entangled on heartstrings, floating to the rhythm of her bleeding heart. they don’t know, but she knows — they fall like pieces of pawns, and she maneuvers it bit by bit till it all topples. checkmate, she wins. her mother cries.

—

thirteen comes when she’s on the verge of youth in rebellion.

it comes in glimpses of edged words, poised to attack and the isolation that comes in hours inside her room. it’s here she juxtaposes the pieces scattered around to form the willow tree — she’s lonely, but she never admits it. the noose around her neck becomes tighter with the expectations that grow by the day — a sister bound for the hollow mold laid out for her. and she’s still, the lonely girl settled underneath the willow, sketching away.

it’s habitual when the ribbons of golden hues peek through the curtain, and lodge themselves against her bed. knees against her chest, she steadies herself in shallow holds — one two three. 

eyes swollen in heavy steps, she makes one by one into the corridor of their dogok-dong apartment (the second apartment in the past twelve years, the fourth move). she passes the first room, her brother’s asleep — the second, and her sister’s already made a home somewhere in a boarding school far off. vacancy, and she’s never felt more whole. 

it’s when she shuffles in lazy steps, she’s greeted — “일찍 일어났네.” (you woke up early)

“잠이 안 와.. 피곤하네.” (i couldn’t sleep — i’m tired.)

“네가 그러는거니까 할 말이 없네. 다시 들어가서 자라.. 3시간 뒤에 학원가야지.” (since you do this to yourself, i have nothing to say. go back and sleep, you have hakwon in three hours). 

“나 학원 안 갈래. 이제 내 일에 신경 쓰지마” (i don’t want to go to hakwon, stop caring about what i do.)

“알아서해" (do as you please).

(but she knows, it’s the kickstart to an implosion ready to happen when her father dims down, subdues himself to the nighttime curse where her mother becomes relegated to a casualty, wounded by the war of words.)

she takes it by stride, one by one. confident steps inside a dead-beat silence kitchen, so quiet that only the stream of water shatters it. there’s no exchange of eyes, just the smirk that rests on her head: fuck this.

—

fifteen comes when she’s helpless.

a sister already on the verge of the ivies and a brother following in the footsteps. an outcast, it’s spoken inside her head as she clutches the sketchbook tighter in hopes for an escape.

she doesn’t draw the magnolias today, nor does she dip into the vibrancy of lilies. instead comes the outlines of the willows, grey. withering. dead.

boston’s cold, but enough that she cracks a window. lets the breeze singe the tip of her nose, enough for the red sheet to occur. dead of night, her father calls her down with her mother evidently too tired in her subtle shakes of her head.

“넌 야망이 없어. 어쩔수없다. 아빠는 그래도 이거라도 추천할게.. 네가 알아들을지는 모르겠지만.” (you have no ambition, nothing we can do with you. still, i’ll recommend this whether you listen or not)

there’s silence that ticks when the cracks of the wooden chair creak as she slips into it. her gaze averted, she pays more attention to the white walls which feel eerie, and never like home.

“연예인 해라. 넌 그거 밖에 안 된다.” (become a celebrity, you only have that going for you.)

seo minjung pulls together another grin, shakes her head. doesn’t say a word into the radio silence that feeds into the thickness in the air — she’s never listened to a word he says, only ever drumming to the hums of her own push. 

but for once, the weeping willow roots itself in seoul. bound, and never willing to let go.

— 

twenty-two comes with remorse.

the limelight on stage, and public eyes hungrier and more ravenous than the talks when she was eight. this time, they’re louder — starved for attention as they dig their nails into her flesh. piece by piece, they tear her apart till nothing’s left but the barren smile she learned when she was ten.

her father’s face no longer looks like it had three years past. his eyes wearier, the effects of time strangling him whole. grey hairs form faster, she notices he starts to get his hair dyed. (her heart cracks, just a notch). and when she sees her mom in her frail hands and wistful smile — her heart shatters, and the replay of past choices come to broad daylight.

before she swims, she voices — “i can, i’m the best swimmer.” 

but the bristles of the tree in her makeshift reflect honesty: “you don’t know how to swim.”

so, she jumps in head first, eyes casted to the rest of the faces. her body moves, wades through — catches up. and when she looks back, she’s come to realize: she swims.

yet, the continuation ceases and the dance of harp strings wedge themselves deep inside her mind. 

she jumps from sea to land only to gasp for air when she’s drowning ten feet under.

[unpack-my-heart]

IT Fandom Prompt Week 2019 - Day 2

I wrote a silly little meet-ridiculous for day 2 of the It Fandom Prompt Week! (College AU / Coffee Shop AU / Roommates AU)

Read it on AO3 or posted below the cut.

Preview:

“This isn’t my room”

“It is not”

“You aren’t … in my room”

“Nope”

“I’m in your room”

“Yup”

[OR: Eddie Kaspbrak has a really bad day]

@constantreaderfool

By all accounts, Eddie Kaspbrak had had the worst day possible. No day could possibly have gone as badly as today had gone.

To start with, his alarm hadn’t gone off.

6:45 ….

6:53 …

7:08 …

7:31 …

8:04 …

“SHIT!”

After launching himself out of bed with all the strength of a river salmon propelling itself upstream, he’d promptly slipped on the hoodie he’d discarded last night, and landed on his knee awkwardly. A dark red mark almost immediately bloomed on his right knee, and Eddie cursed knowing that it’d become an ugly, mottled yellow in a few days.

Hopping on his left foot and cursing past-Eddie for being such a slob and not putting his clothes away properly, Eddie scrambled around trying to find his safety goggles and steel-toe capped boots for today’s lab. They were doing … something … with six-cylinder piston engines, and despite racking his brains, Eddie couldn’t remember what. Maybe Bev would know.

To: Miss Marsh:

What r we doing today?

From: Miss Marsh:

Dunno, didn’t look at the schedule

To: Miss Marsh:

You bring dishonour on yourself and dishonour on your cow

To: Miss Marsh:

Love you too. See you in a bit x

Bev did not know.

One shoe on, one shoe lodged under the wardrobe, and Eddie still couldn’t find his goggles.

Two shoes on, the fundamental principles of aeronautical engineering lodged firmly in his backpack.

Safety goggles, still missing.

8:45 …

8:58 …

9:02 …

“SHIT!”

Eddie had never been late before. Ever. Never ever ever.

Saftey goggles be damned, Eddie sprinted out of his dorm room, slamming the door behind him, and charged off down the hallway.

Three minutes later, and puffing like a train, Eddie careened straight into his door, scrabbling in his pocket for his keys.

Locking the door this time, Eddie sprinted off to his lab.

– x –

If the morning had gone chaotically, the lab had been even worse.

The professor had berated Eddie for not bringing his safety goggles, and threatened to refuse to let him participate in the practical until Eddie had begged and promised to never let it happen again. Relenting, the professor let Eddie borrow his own safety goggles, and made Eddie promise on pain of death he wouldn’t break them.

Eddie broke them.

He’d been leaning over the engine, screwdriver held between his teeth as he wrestled with a particularly resistant bolt, when the glasses had slipped off his face and smashed on the concrete floor, splintering into four uneven pieces.

Shit.

Shit!

Panicking, Eddie picked up the pieces of safety goggle.

“Beverly”

“Hang on”

“Beverly Marsh!”

“Edward Kaspbrak! Hold yer damn horses, I just gotta –“

A loud pop echoed throughout the classroom.

“Fuck yeah!”

“Language, Miss Marsh!” came an angry voice from the front of the lab.

“Sorry, Professor.”

Beverly placed the severed bit of engine on the bench, and turned to Eddie, who was pitifully cradling the bits of goggle in his hands.

“Beverly,” Eddie moaned, “He’s going to eat me for lunch”

“Eh, I think you’re more snack sized”

“Not helping, asshole”

“Do you want me to tell him I broke them?”

“No”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know”

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, Eddie didn’t have to do anything.

Without warning, water started to rain down from the ceiling, and piercing shrieks echoed around the room.

“FUCK!”

– X –

The class shuffled outside, drenched through. Waiting for them outside were members of the college maintenance team with guilty looks plastered on their faces.

“Sorry about this, guys. The sprinkler system had been malfunctioning in here for the past few days and we really thought we’d fixed it”

Luckily, the professor stormed off to the head of maintenance’s office, presumably to complain about the sprinkler malfunction potentially ruining the engines, but unluckily, Eddie was now soaked.

The students shuffled back into their lab to collect their abandoned possessions, and Eddie’s textbook was almost entirely ruined. The pages had turned to a mulchy soup, the ink running wildly on the page, rendering the text unreadable. Bev patted Eddie sympathetically on the shoulder as he yowled in pain.

“You can share mine”

– X –

Seeing as the lab was Eddie’s only class of the day, and he was now soaked through to his bones, he decided to go home and shower. Working on autopilot, Eddie beeped into the building, and started trudging up the stairs to the third floor. When he’d reached his door, he shoved it open and –

“DANCE THIS MESS AROUND, ‘ROUND, ‘ROUN– WHAT THE FUCK”

There was a naked man in Eddie’s bedroom.

Only, this wasn’t Eddie’s bedroom.

The walls were covered in posters of bands Eddie’s dad had listened to, the bed wasn’t made, the duvet was black instead of white, there were dirty plates scattered on the floor, and most importantly, there was a naked stranger standing in the middle of the room with comically large headphones on his head, a scandalised expression painted on his face.

“Can I help you?” naked-stranger asked, hands now covering his crotch.

“This isn’t 302”

“It is not”

“This isn’t my room”

“It is not”

“You aren’t … in my room”

“Nope”

“I’m in your room”

“Yup”

“Why am I still talking”

“Now that, I can’t tell ya, short-stack”

“I can’t – I can’t move”

“Too awe-struck?”

“What?”

“Y’know. Surveying the goods. Checking out the merchandise. Other synonyms that mean the same thing, checking me out?”

“Uh”

“That isn’t a no”

At that, Eddie’s brain seemed to kickstart, and he turned on his heel and sprinted down the corridor, naked-stranger’s laugh following him as he ran.

– X –

Three days later and Eddie had almost, almost, stopped thinking about the naked-stranger incident every five seconds. It was now more like every hour or two.

The thing that annoyed Eddie the most about the whole thing was that the naked-stranger was the most attractive person he’d seen for years. Years.

Eddie had been telling Stan about the naked-stranger at work, apron’s tied around their waists and faux-smiles plastered on their faces as they made complicated iced drinks for grumpy students.

“He was … kinda beautiful”

“Really?” Stan asked, pumping caramel syrup into a plastic cup.

“Yeah, he was singing this stupid B-52s song and leaping around like an excitable frog, but he had this hair and … well he also had really nice arms and he was tall and –“

“Was he?”

“Yeah, and he really couldn’t sing for shit but … I could tell that he was probably really funny”

“Funny, you say?”

“Yeah! He called me short-stack though which was fucki– really annoying, but … I could get over that for his arms”

Eddie, who was facing away from the counter cleaning spilt syrup off of a mug by hand because they had hit their mid-afternoon lull, looked up at Stan for the first time since he’d started talking.  

Stan was staring straight past Eddie, trying and failing to not laugh.

Eddie turned around.

“Hello, short-stack”

Naked-stranger was standing directly behind him, leaning on the counter, and beaming. “

“What the fuck” Eddie hissed under his breath, and promptly dropped the mug on the floor.

“So you like my arms do you, sunshine?”

“I can’t breathe”

Stan and naked-stranger were cackling, and Eddie couldn’t breathe.

“Did you know – how did you know it was him?” Eddie directed at Stan, pissily.

“I’ve known Richie for years, and he told me that some short and adorable guy ran into his room a few days ago. I didn’t think much of it until you started talking about running into some tall naked guys room so I texted Richie to let him know that I’d found you”

“So you’re both taking the piss out of me, then”

“No!” naked-stranger – Richie – insisted, trying to reach Eddie’s arm.

Eddie swatted him away, and ripped his apron off, letting it flutter sadly to the floor.

“I’m taking my break”

– X –

Eddie was leaning against the back wall of the coffee shop when Richie appeared.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“You’re an asshole”

“Hmm… kinda regret spending a penny on that, gotta be honest”

“What do you want?”

“Your number” Richie replied breezily, leaning on his side against the wall, looking at Eddie hopefully.

“Why would I give you that?”

“You like my arms”

“I don’t – I – fuck”

“Maybe after a few dates, Eds. I don’t put out that easily”

“I guess you do have nice arms”

“See! I knew these puppies would help me out one day,” Richie affirmed, flexing his biceps.

“So you promise this isn’t all a big joke? That you aren’t gonna stand me up or tell all your friends that you’re planning on tricking the –“

“Hey, ssh. It’s not a joke. When you burst into my room like that, I gotta be honest, I was a little bit surprised but when I heard that the most attractive guy I’ve seen around these here parts still has the hots for me after seeing me in all my naked glory, I couldn’t not do anything about it”

“Who’s the other guy that saw you naked?”

Richie rolled his eyes and shifted on the wall, bumping his shoulder against Eddie’s.

“You gonna gimme your digits then, or what?”

“Maybe”

Eddie pushed himself off the wall, and brushed his hands on his jeans.

“Ask Stan to text you my number”

“Oh, Eddie Spaghetti, you won’t regret this. I’ll wine and dine you real good”

“I’m already regretting it”

[elysiumwaits]

Ely’s Ever-Changing Playlist - Sat. Aug 31st

You can find the playlist on Spotify right here. The Ever-Changing Playlist is best listened to on Shuffle Mode. I plan on updating this playlist every Saturday, and rotating songs out and in with new releases and whatever’s caught my fancy this week.

Feel free to send me music you like, I’m always open to new songs to listen to and I like literally every genre except death metal and polka. (I’m also not a big fan of musical theater, tbh). But like seriously, fuck polka.

This first playlist is a pretty eclectic mix of new releases and not-so-new releases, in a variety of genres. Probably a little heavy on the rock, to be honest, but that’s the mood I’m in this week. You’ll get whiplash, though, ‘cause there’s some good country and pop on here too.

Song list and comments are under the cut!

Scrawny by Wallows - I love self-deprecating but somehow still kind of cocky rock (like Polaroid by Imagine Dragons). They also have that bedroom rock kind of vibe that I love. Plus I love the line “I’m a scrawny motherfucker with a cool hairstyle” and hardcore relate to the line “I say the wrong shit at the right time.”

Wild Roses by Of Monsters and Men - I honestly didn’t know how to feel about the new album for a couple of weeks. They’ve definitely gone for a more pop vibe to their songs - Alligator was catchy but it seems like a lot of the songs on their Fever Dream album just don’t have the same lyrical depth as songs like King and Lionheart or Wolves Without Teeth or Little Talks. It’s a good song - catchy, like I said - but honestly I was hoping for better when I heard a new album was coming out.

Blame It On my Youth by Blink-182 - This may actually be my most highly-anticipated release this year. For one thing, Blame It On My Youth actually sounds like Blink-182, like you could follow it with All the Small Things and there’d be no real musical shift. Which is honestly amazing, considering how much they’ve been through as a band, and of course, the lineup changes. Hoppus still sounds like Hoppus, though, and the music is still that glorious “fuck you, watch this” guitar that kickstarted the whole early 2000s guitar rock (you wouldn’t have FOB without Blink-182, and you can tell in the early FOB albums). I love to see Nine come out on September 20th - Blink-182 is a legendary band in the punk genre and hearing this song felt like coming home. “I was bored to death, so I started a band/ Cut my teeth on the Safety Dance, my attention span never stood a chance.”

Love All Night (Work All Day) by Yola - You know those gentle 70s rock/soul songs? Vaguely influenced by country, definitely influenced by R&B, leave you with a feeling of home and comfort while also kind of inspiring you to go out and work on some social change? It’s definitely got a Memphis rock vibe, but it also really made me want to listen to The Temptations and Creedence Clearwater Revival. The best part about it is that this album came out this year.

Circles by Post Malone - I’m actually a huge Post Malone fan, because I’m a huge Fleetwood Mac fan. You might be wondering how those two things add up. Post Malone cites one of his major influences to be Stevie Nicks, and in fact his vocal (when he sings, instead of rapping) draws a lot from Stevie’s unique vibrato and slurring of the words. Circles captures this beautifully, but if you really want the best that Post Malone has to offer (in the singing department, I’ll fight people over how good Wow. is), you really need to check out his remix and mashup of Fleetwood Mac’s Dreams from his August 26th mixtape. Check it out here. The unfortunate thing is that it can only be found on Youtube or the mixtape app DatPiff.

Drive by The Cars - So this is on the list because Tim McGraw put out a cover, and I usually like Tim McGraw, but Drive is not a song you can make a country cover out of. You can’t do it. Listen to this one instead of the Tim McGraw version, and if you’re really wanting a Tim McGraw fix, Neon Church is good.

Refugee by Melissa Etheridge - Speaking of covers, this is my girl Melissa’s cover of Tom Petty and the Heartbreaker’s Refugee, and frankly, I like it more. She goes hard, is the thing, sings every word like she fuckin’ well means it. That’s the thing about Melissa Etheridge, she is passionate about her music. This cover was released on her greatest hits album in 2005 - fun fact, this album included four new songs total, including I Run for Life, written for others, like Melissa, who have gone through breast cancer. It’s a damn good album, I had to recently buy a new hard copy because I wore the first CD out.

Mornin’s Gonna Come by Brent Cobb - I actually don’t know why this hit the Apple playlists this week, considering it was released on the album Providence Canyon back in 2018. It’s a pretty southern-rock style song, despite the country label, and sounds like a party song right up until you’re listening to the lyrics. Turns out it’s about the fact that everything done in the dark will eventually come to light, whether that’s a hangover or something deeper.

Soon You’ll Get Better by Taylor Swift feat. Dixie Chicks - Okay, listen. I love this song. Hearing Natalie come in on the vocals in the background for the first time since 2006 made me bawl. The Dixie Chicks were the main music of my childhood, I grew up with Wide Open Spaces and Fly. Add in the poignant lyrics about watching someone struggle through illness - Taylor opens up in an article that it’s about her parents’ battles with cancer, but we all take something away from music we listen to and it made me cry because I relate to it from a mental and chronic illness standpoint. 

60 & Punk by Death Cab for Cutie - So, Death Cab actually has a new EP coming out and the new single on it Kids in 99 is pretty good, but I’m still stuck on their album Thank You for Today. I don’t know if it was my stint in the Pacific Northwest that kickstarted my Death Cab love, or if I’m just naturally drawn to their music, but I would argue that Thank You for Today may be their best album. 60 & Punk is sad, honestly, about watching your heroes grow old and give into the world around them. But it’s good.

Reaper Man by Mother Mother - Mother Mother is one of my favorite bands, and Reaper Man is right up there in my self-deprecating-but-cocky genre. Released in 2014, and a staple on my playlists since. 

Head Above Water by Avril Lavigne feat. Travis Clark (of We The Kings) - Okay, raise your hand if you can still sing Complicated or Sk8er Boi from memory, because I sure as hell can. I can also do Check Yes Juliet from memory, because I grabbed it off the free iTunes download back in the day before it ever blew up - I’m a hipster. Anyway, Avril’s surfaced with a frankly marvelous album about growing up, getting divorced, and dealing with the devastating effects of Lyme disease. This is a bonus single - you can find her solo version on the album also titled Head Above Water. 

Hollow by Barns Courtney - There’s really no deep meaning to this one for me, I just really love Barns Courtney and haven’t found something they’ve put out that I didn’t like yet. Catchy and rock and pop, this song makes me want to dance.

Summer Girl by Haim - Everyone I knew back in 2013, in my little pocket of rural America, turned their noses up at Haim. I was like, “Oh my god, they’re amazing!” and my coworkers are like “Why does she sing like that?” It was weird to me because The Wire was named one of the best songs of the year, hit charts all over the place - weird. Anyway, Summer Girl has a super lowkey acoustic vibe, and I love it.

Far From Born Again by Alex Cameron - So Alex Cameron is pretty hit or miss for me - I either hate what he puts out, or I obsess over it. Far From Born Again is an obsess-song, because it’s honest-to-god the best sex worker song I’ve ever heard. Every time a “positive” sex worker song comes out, it’s always something like Porn Star Dancing or Shakin’ Hands or Pay Me. The worker is always over-sexualized and vilified in some way or another, and frankly, it’s exhausting. I like Far From Born Again because it’s super realistic to my experiences - lines like “It ain’t your goddamn business if she does it for pay” and “pays bills while you all still text jerks” and “she’s a woman earning more than a man” - puts the focus where it should be. She’s not some over-sexed nympho doing it for the thrill of it, it’s a job that she’s good at. 

Don’t Call It Love by Quiet Riot - So, literally everyone has heard Cum On Feel the Noize or Metal Health. It’s interesting to see Quiet Riot pop on charts again, especially considering that they haven’t had a founding member of the band in the lineup since 2010. That said, the members currently do include Banali and Wright, who were in the band at the height of Quiet Riot’s success in the mid 80s. Current vocals are done by James Durbin, as the vocalist Kevin DuBrow passed in 2007. Quiet Riot as we know it was revived mostly to celebrate the memory of DuBrow, actually, and on the insistence of DuBrow’s mother.

Last Day Under the Sun by Volbeat - I just really fuckin’ love Volbeat. That unique mix of hard rock and rockabilly, mixed with my frankly inappropriate feelings for Michael Poulson’s voice, gets me every time. I was drawn in by Lola Montez and here we are today.

All Apologies - Live & Loud by Nirvana - So this live album was actually released in 2013, and just popped up on my feed because it was just put onto Apple Music, which is where I get all my music from. You can also watch the whole concert for free, which I can’t bring myself to do yet. Nirvana is my favorite band of all time - literally of all time - and All Apologies has the ability to bring me to tears. I actually have “All in All is All We Are” tattooed on my back. Vinyl is coming out, concert is up, go live your grunge baby dreams with me.

Black Hole Sun (Live from The Artists’ Den) by Soundgarden - So this is a recent release of their 2013 Artist’s Den concert. It’s a bittersweet release for the band, who decided earlier this year to disband after the death of Chris Cornell, following their only concert without him. They chose to release the live album because they remember how much fun Chris had that night, according to a Spin article. Of the major original Seattle grunge bands, that means that only a few remain - Alice in Chains lost Layne Staley, Nirvana lost Kurt Cobain, and Soundgarden lost Chris Cornell. Pearl Jam is still going strong, though. (Technically Alice in Chains is still active, but DuVall has nothing on Staley). 

Can You Feel It? by White Eskimo - Okay, so following all that rock trivia, I was absolutely floored when I found out that White Eskimo had recent music... because I only know them as the band that Harry Styles was in before One Direction. Anyway, it’s a pretty catchy pop-punk song, I dig it. I love that the first actual info I found about them, with current news, was on the Harry Styles wiki. 

Lullaby by Kalie Shorr - Here’s that whiplash again, how about some country? Brand new country, even. I have a bone to pick with country lately about how it all sounds like pop with exaggerated accents and how that pisses me off, but I like the acoustic vibe Kalie Shorr has going on. It’s that good old country song about loving someone you shouldn’t and then letting them go. She honestly reminds me a lot of Sunny Sweeney.

Tennessee Whiskey (Live from City Winery Nashville) by Sara Evans and Olivia Barker - This is a classic country song, written for a half-drunk slow dance with your sweetie at the dive bar (which is honestly the best way to hear it, not gonna lie). The best version is the without a doubt Chris Stapleton’s cover, and this cover is a cover of that cover, but if you want to go back, it was originally recorded by country great David Allan Coe - of “You Never Even Called Me By My Name” fame if you do the bar circuit like I do. It was also recorded by George Jones in the 80s, and then a bunch of other people. There’s a reason Sara Evans is a modern country great.

The Chain (from The Kitchen) by the Highwomen - I got a lot of bones to pick with the Highwomen - I don’t like them and I’m not afraid to say it. I think it comes from the fact that The Highwaymen was created by the pioneers of outlaw country, who were pretty much on the outskirts of country music due to their lifestyles and other factors. The Highwomen have good sound and good writing, but they’re all pretty mainstream, and they should have chosen a different name. Anyway. This is a good country cover. 

The Daughters by Little Big Town - I like this song because it tackles a lot of issues still prevalent in societies in country and rural areas, primarily feminism. A lot of people don’t realize that out here in the sticks, the gender norms are alive and well - if you don’t have a kid by 21 and you’re a girl, you’re out of the norm and you’re gonna die alone. You get a lot of women who get married young, then spend their lives cooking and cleaning and never thinking about anything more because this is all they know, this is what their mothers did. The song goes over the delicate balance a woman plays down here - you have to be strong but not too strong, and you have to “know your place.”

The Louvre by Lorde - I wasn’t a fan of Lorde’s second album at first, because I was very much stuck in the sound of the first. It’s growing on me. 

Remember the Name by Ed Sheeran, Eminem, and 50 Cent - So I’m a big fan of Ed Sheeran, and my mom loves Eminem and 50 Cent. I like some Eminem, and some 50 Cent, but overall I’m not a fan of rap. What I like about this song is that it sounds like an early Eminem a la “The Real Slim Shady” so it’s catchy and easy for my audio processing issues to follow. I also just dig cocky songs.

20 Something by SZA - I started listening to SZA when my brother sent me the DJ Khaled song Just Us that featured her vocal. I love her voice and lyrics, and also the fact that my little bro relates so much to a lot of her music that it sometimes makes him cry (apparently Just Us made him cry). 20 Something is my favorite off her debut album - I mean, everyone I know is a 20-something right now, and the lyrics hit home.

[real-fakedoors]

You must have gotten this question a lot but... how did you get the idea for star-crossed? And how’d you develop the world? I was really inspired by how you detailed your story to create such an amazing image for us readers of the world; especially when it got down to politics, the watches, characterizations and the planets-turned-countries. I’m currently writing (or trying to write) a book of my own, and I’ve been struggling with how to incorporate those kind of details. Do you have any advice?

hello & thank you for the ask! what a wonderful question, and an even more glowing compliment!! my heart is so full :,)

it’s a mixture of a few things, and I’m happy to break it down further if you’d like, but allow me to lay out my basic approach to writing in general & this fic specifically. I’ll try to address each question the best I can!

1. Ideas born from ideas

Music - I’m one of those people who draw on other sources of inspiration – especially music. All three of my most popular stories were at least first thought of by songs. (star-crossed was inspired by Constellations by The Oh Hellos).

Reference material/research - I’ve tried to be as explicit as possible in star-crossed when I describe/utilize the design of another creator for the basis of my work (like all of Lance’s pretty outfits), but in general, having reference material is the MOST IMPORTANT thing. I’ve done a ton of research on medieval culture, cuisine, buildings, and courts. A good example of this is from Chapter 16: The Prisoner’s Dilemma, I had no freakin’ idea how to describe a battlement, or what that even was – hence me googling “what is the top of a castle wall called” > they’re called battlements, got it! > google image, battelments 

There, I found this:

and from that, I wrote this:

Quietly, they climbed until the highest reaches opened around them, a large plane of dark stone, stained by ombre rust to near-black on opposing ends of the terrace. A very small amount of snow had gathered, but most of it had blown away in the wind –  some small catches had gathered in pockets of shade, where the perimeter wall was buttressed by columns of scaffolding that each came to a point. They were massive structures, like stone arrows pointing towards the heavens; vaguely, Lance remembered one of his mother’s stories about a fletcher’s workshop for the gods; the sweep magnificence of the architecture, certainly lent itself to a sense of the divine and otherworldly greatness.

Linear plot - In terms of figuring out what I want to accomplish in the story, and in the chapters, I quite literally depend on my notes. I tend to get over-eager and want to do a lot in one chapter, so I force myself to map things out in accordance to time rather than events, and that helps me maintain something of a regular pace.

There are a few things I knew I had to have happen in the story, and some of it filled in naturally as I began writing. Here’s a picture of my office from the week I began writing star-crossed.

(the text on the sticky notes doesn’t really matter; but pink are plot points and yellow are narrative themes)

If you squint – an example – Tuesday was supposed to be the day of the bombing, originally. All of the tension and build up and worries about the murder plot were never actually going to happen, as it was going to be wrong-place/wrong-time as a bomb went off in the city. Lance was always intended to get caught up in it instead of Keith as the target, but that obviously didn’t end up happening.

Why? As I wrote the beginning chapters, I had to remind myself that Keith is the Prince of Marmora, of which their expertise is spy networks and information. It didn’t seem feasible to me that such a large scale attack could occur in Marmora without the Blade knowing about it, which is why the attention ended up shifting towards the ball specifically.

Prompts - I am also of the belief that there is no reason to reinvent the wheel. There are wonderful, wonderful authors and writers out there who generate material specifically designed to help writers kickstart ideas; I collected a huge Google Doc of these when I first started star-crossed just to keep my head in accordance with the right themes. Rarely do I use a prompt word-for-word because they never really fit exactly what I’m writing, but the tone of the language often helps me in moments when I’m stuck. Here’s a sampling (and I am sorry, I didn’t think to mark the original blogs I took these from:

“The world was in flames. People were in need of laughter.”

“The world was in flames” helped me to derive some of the terrible disaster that came on the third night of the ball. I just really like that visual, so much orange and red light, and the unbearable heat.

“You can feel the world blooming and withering around you while you’re in prison.”

This sort of… live-and-die, questioning mortality thing, while in “prison” helped me to build Lance’s internal monologue while he was in the cellar.

“If I ignored destiny, so can you.”

Because Klance.

“I was waiting for a chance to ask you to dance with me, but you were gone.”

A knife-twist of how, though this was loosely inspired by the premise of Cinderella, Keith only got to ask Lance to dance twice over the course of three days – in part because Lance was always gone or with someone else, but also because Keith was equally tied up in the expectation that he was to dance with anyone who asked him.

The watches - That was my hope of tying in the paladin’s bayard. It was theoretically impossible to have a magical weapon appear in the hands of four teenagers and an adult without it raising many conspicuous questions, so I needed something a little more subtle. There’s still some… [redacted] about time that has to [redacted] before [redacted] can [redacted], so I can’t say much more than that. :,)

Pomp, Circumstance & Politics (oh my!) - okay, sorry, I couldn’t resist. heh. but, yeah, I don’t know if I can point to one specific thing in particular that gave rise to the political quagmire of this story. It’s definitely been inspired by an array of existing media – Downton Abbey certainly helped shape the “upper class” vs. “lower class” treatment. I also really enjoy historical readings. fiction or nonfiction, pertaining to wars: Ken Burn’s Vietnam War, for instance, helped remind me of the massive impact the decisions of few can have on the many. Whether or not you support a war, or a policy in Marmora’s case, can have devastating after-effects for the people beneath you. Keith and Krolia happen to be very conscious of this. But even so, there will always be a level of detachment from their view of the “many” (in which Lance, Hunk and Pidge fall), and this is never so apparent as when things are told from Lance’s POV. He’s just another person. He’s just one person. One of the hundred of thousands that would be effected by the daily decisions of Keith or Krolia, and it is that constant tension between “big picture” and “small picture” that I try to draw out in the on-going struggles had by the characters.

2. For me, the character’s are the world. 

That’s not me being poetic or anything – let me explain.

Imagine this: Suppose there is a person who has been devoid of all of their senses, all of their life – no touch, no smell, no hearing – nothing. Then suppose, one day, they are shaken from this catatonic state for the first time. Their senses now free, how would they experience this scene I am writing? What is so prevailing to the senses that it demands to be included in the narrative?

That is how I write my my worlds, at least descriptively. I try to pick out a few key things someone wouldn’t be able to help but notice.

This is great for characterization, too, because I can tweak the premise of the “feelingless individual” to suit how I imagine my characters. 

Keith, for example, from star-crossed – a few things I keep in mind when writing him: he is constantly frustrated by his inability to act on his impulses, so when he does it is extra satisfying. He’s keenly aware of the mannerism of others because of his upbringing in the court – if they have a weapon on their hip, for instance, is something he would notice in a heartbeat.

There were certain ticks to look for in a person trying to get too close: the ways their eyes moved, where their hands sat, what sort of clothing they wore. Was it something trim and fitted to make for an easy escape, or something bulky with a dozen pockets to hide any manner of weapon? Were those chemical burns on their hands from working with unstable materials? Did they look restless, liked they’d been up all night debating with themselves to go through with such a monumental act?

Maybe it was just learned paranoia, but these were the small enough traits that most people wouldn’t notice.

Keith, however, was trained to notice.

Lance, on the other hand, is a little more indulgent but easily overwhelmed; he has been restricted his whole life, so he indulges often and easily, but that puts him in a vulnerable position that can (and has) left him open to being hurt by the world around him. He’s one who is going to notice the weather, the quality of the air, because those were things that held meaning to him when he lived in the mountains – he’s one to fixate on his own mistakes, because he’s used to them being pointed out to him.

Lotor wanted to take off his mask so it was one less thing getting in the way, an obstruction to peeling back Lance’s sense of self, his ideas and interests and beliefs balled up in and thrown in a bin, along with his name and his past, so that he could be some fucked up little prize for the guy’s own enjoyment.

The fucking betrayal of his own body, too. The flushed cheeks, the friction of his hips over Lotor’s… ugh. It wasn’t —  he didn’t want it, it didn’t feel good, but the physical sensation was demanding and his body literally could not do anything but respond, and the memory of that alone was enough to have him clutching his head between his knees, legs drawn up to his chest.

Why was this so confusing? It shouldn’t be, and that only made Lance more frustrated. Lotor was a selfish asshole who tried to use his title to his advantage and force Lance to do things he didn’t want to do. Lance had even succeeded in pushing him away and standing up for himself, but the triumph was bittersweet.

This mindset was especially critical when writing Chapter 14: Twenty-Six Hours, because it was the first time we delved into the consciousnesses of the other characters! (I’m just really happy with the way that one turned out *sob*)

Also, a note on villany: I really dislike one dimensional villains. I prefer when my evil comes with a healthy dose of “fuck I sort of agree with that… to an extent?”

Which is why writing Lotor’s big monologue in Chapter 16: The Prisoner’s Dileema was such a challenge. I had to make his treatment of Lance seem, in some fucked up version of reality, justifiable. Because really, Lotor is a product of circumstance; he was raised with his beliefs of the poor and especially of someone of Lance’s “status,” and was acting in such a way that reflected that up-bringing. Now, Keith was raised in similar circumstances and isn’t a huge piece of shit, so there’s no excuse for Lotor’s behavior – but it’s at least logical. You can imagine buying an ox that’s for sale at the market, and then using said ox to plow your fields; we don’t see that as cruel or as mistreatment. Lotor sees Lance as little more than that, and so, in giving him lots of attention and “validation” (something that we know canon-Lotor was unfortunately lacking), it stands to reason that he was in fact trying to be kind to Lance, to treat him with a warped sense of respect.

…okay, that’s all for now! I really hope this helps and wasn’t too long-winded, like everything I do. you’ve effectively made my morning, anon, and I hope you have a wonderful day. my best wishes and luck to you while writing you story! 

[adastreia-12]

tag frankenstein

I was tagged by @darkside-cookies thanks dear, i decided to do the ones that weren’t repeated and also english cause i’m me

nickname: i’m pretty partial to nicknames, have a bunch of them, don’t really care which one people use to call me but the most common one is Ele with like. the accent on the second e. sounds like elè. i use my full name tho.

gender: female 

astrological sign: saggitarius baby

height: 1,60

hogwarts house: hufflepuff *peace sign*

favourite animal: felines in general, love me some cats

number of blankets: i don’t do blankets, i do quilts. all year long. during the winter it’s not enough and I add a wool blanket, during the summer i just blast my AC to achieve proper conditions so I can keep my quilt

dream trip: save up, go backpacking around the world for a year, ideally with my boyfriend (and that’s why we call it a dream people)

where i’m from: greece

when i created this blog: 2016, not long after vld came out

why i created this blog: i had a personal blog when voltron came out summer 2016 so i made this one as voltron blog, it worked for the first few seasons, then i liked my dashboard here more and stopped using the old one, made this one my personal when i stopped being into voltron

time: 13:10

favourite band/artist: i’m going through a kpop phase and really loving ATEEZ these days

song stuck in my head: Joji- SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK

last movie i saw: uuhh... i don’t remember actually, i’ve been binging series instead. last series i watched was mr. iglesias on netflix, check it out it’s nice wholesome comedy about a teacher who believes in his students and does everything in his power to help them succeed

last thing i googled: quilt μετάφραση cause my bilingual ass needed to be sure quilt meant the greek equivalent

other blogs: @sing-to-me-muse is my writeblr that is more of an archive rn since i,,, don’t write that much (soon to change hopefully) and a bookblr that i haven’t kickstarted yet but have created and it’s on hold for now

do i get asks?: nope, just from one (1) friend tho i wouldn’t mind more

why this username?: haa well the thing is this username is kinda a result of my fucked up reading skills and the need for a permanent name across platforms. so yeah, my previous username was hagane-no-shiro (god that was a goddamn smart username, i still mourn it sometimes) while i was a voltron blog but after some time i wanted to make it a personal blog and was brainstorming for a username when i talked with my uncle who’s a gamer and he told me that he uses the name proteus across his online gaming accounts to stay consistent and i was like aha, this is what i need and i went on a list of female ancient greek names. one of them was adrasteia and i liked it the most. however, i read it as adastreia instead, and ended up liking the misread version better so i went with that. 12 is my favorite number so when the username adastreia alone wasn’t available i slapped a 12 at the end and voila. adastreia-12

(sidenote: apparently adastreia is one of the canon versions of this name which is cute, there is also a band called that, and adastreia was a nymph so that’s cool)

following: 250

average amount of sleep: about 6 hours. i don’t sleep well.

lucky number: don’t have one

what am I wearing: black pants, purple t-shirt

dream job: professional author, or you know, a formless blob in the great abyss that is not concerned with earthly bullshit

instruments i play: does coming to contact with a guitar for 2 years and a piano for a semester count

eye colour: hazel

hair colour: dark brown at the roots and sides, various shades of pink after a certain point, mostly a cold, pastel pink rn

aesthetic: i’ve answered this aesthetic thing before with a whole ass paragraph listing things so this time i want you to picture this: a quiet beach with no one else other than yourself, the sky is grey with clouds decorating it, there is a pleasant but strong wind blowing on you as you sit on the rocks near the sea with shorts and a hoodie on. you are not cold, you are not hot. the waves are crashing rhythmically on the sand and your favorite songs are playing without headphones so you can listen to both at the same time. you are alone. you are calm. you are a child of nature and she has welcomed you back in her arms. the world and its depravity cannot reach you now.

languages i speak: greek, english, veeeery basic italian

most iconic song: ac/dc either back in black or highway to hell, yes that is cliche but it is also the hill i will die on like mf braveheart.

random fact: remember that quilt I use year long? yeah my mom took it away from me for the summer and hid it and i will not forgive her that.

Music tag! Write 10 songs you’re obsessed with and tag 10 people to do the same 

Joji- SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK

ATEEZ- Illusion

Blackbear- idfc

Treasure Planet OST- I’m Still Here (Jim’s Theme)

Moana OST- I Am Moana

K.A.R.D.- Rumor

The Neighborhood- Daddy Issues

Sara Skinner- Bring Home the Glory

Ruelle- Madness

The Unlikely Candidates- Novocaine

Bonus songs: The Unlikely Candidates- Violence & Bastille- Blame

I don’t know enough people to tag tbh, that haven’t been tagged that is so whoever feels like doing this by all means go ahead

[oh-god-theres-6]

In a party/concert/live concert the sound is so loud!! Matsuno and s/o were having a good time, but then Totoko was getting too close to him. Awfully close. It was annoying them! They tried to tell something but the music was too loud!! Suddenly the music stop; just in time, when s/o pulls Matsuno away from Totoko and yells out loud. "LEAVE MY BOYFRIEND ALONE!!! HE'S MINE!!!" Every body looks at them. s/o is embarashed. Matsuno's reaction?

hope it wasn’t P!ATD or Urie is gonna bully you.Oso: Thank god this is the guy that’s relatively able to handle stressful situations. He stays shocked for maybe a few seconds before he chuckles and looks over at his s/o just mouthing, “You wanna get out of here?” Outside he wouldn’t really confront them about the outburst, just offer to take them to get a drink and let the night finish off on a quieter note. He’s still smiling, surprisingly, and he makes a passing comment on the fresh air. He also doesn’t hide that, as Totoko peeks out of the exit, he pulls his s/o closer by the hip, just to make that extra little point as they walk toward a nearby bar for a more entertaining night, and a much less crowded one as well.

Kara: Shock could not even begin to describe what he feels, it’s a feeling of dread for the awkwardness that has fallen over the social and confusion for why his lovely angel would scream so violently at Totoko. That aside, he’s far more than just impressed at the whole situation, no this boy is so fucking flattered that you would do this just for him of all people. It take him a second to hush his overactive mind and calm down. Eventually he tries to lead you away with smiles and soft coos about how much he loves you and how you are his and he is yours. Even when you’re out of the crowd he continues these soft words, hoping they’ll help you in some way.

Choro: Help him please dear god this boy is not doing well. For one he has frozen up and can no longer really hear anything that’s going on as he has gone back into his primal state of breathing and blinking being all he can handle. It would take him a bit to fully come around to his senses but his first instinct after everything is to get him and his S/O out of there before anything more happened. So that’s what he’d do, he’d take them by the hand and get them out of there. He wouldn’t talk about it or ask about it, but part of him is kinda impressed about what just happened, and you can see it in the shy smile he shares once you two are out of sight.

Ichi: Help, help. Ichi.exe has stopped working and he doesn’t know how to think. He’s not even the biggest fan of concerts and he didn’t at all plan to have Totoko show up and yet he had a rather pissed s/o, an also pissed Totoko, and a large crowd waiting for a response he wasn’t sure he could muster to give. Why was the world so cruel? He would be panicking and it would be very obvious but he’d find the courage to slip through the crowd, grabbing his s/o’s wrist so they could follow him. He wouldn’t say anything and make sure they got home pretty quick. As for the fight, he only hopes his s/o can understand where the calm touch of his fingers to theirs is coming from, and if not, he makes sure that on the walk home he tells them he loves them. There’s enough understanding there that both parties understand what it means.

Jyushi: “Hah…What?” Jyushi mirrors the shocked, awed, and outright confused stares of the audience members around him. His gaze shoots between his s/o and Totoko a few times and he looks up to the stage just kind of waiting for the next song to play but now the band members are starting to make a few jokes. Does he leave? No! This concert was meant to be fun! Instead, he takes the better decision, pushing through the crowd with his s/o held close behind until they’re so close to the stage he could touch it if he held his arms out enough. An excited stare up to the stage seemed to kickstart the next song and in the sea of noise and dancing bodies, he made sure to get his s/o pumped up for the concert. As for the interruption, he didn’t really know how to deal with it straight off, but he’d make sure to give his s/o all of his attention that night, which is easier when Totoko is left behind in the crowd.

Totty: His first reaction is to immediately shush his s/o, not for their outburst, but for the attention, it called on him. Being the spin doctor he is, he most likely tries to find an easy way out of the situation, which is most likely turning the situation in Totoko and trying to find an area of the room where no one is staring anymore. He paid good money for this so like hell he’s leaving. He will, however, suddenly change from socially mortified to flattered and coy as soon as him and his s/o are more isolated. He asks them exactly how territorial they plan to be over him and he will not stop teasing them for the entire night, sometimes playfully pointing out other people and asking if his s/o would yell at them for looking at him. It’s less to make fun of them and more to boost his ego. Don’t boost it. Please.

[flyba3]

What's your name?

A/N: OHHHHH IM SO HAPPY…this is my first request, and S/O to Melaninstoryteller cause she’s sooo dope and she pitched me this request :3) luv u <3

Request / Summary: Can you write a fic about Christian Yu walking Lori, and he lets go of her leash. Then Y/N finds her, and she starts talking to Christian.

Genre: fluff

Pairing: Christian Yu x Y/N

Word Count: 1037

Of all days you can’t find your keys, it’s today. This week you promised yourself that you would get back on track with your ‘healthy lifestyle’ goals, and you wanted to kickstart your week with a jog. Today you’re especially pumped to go on a jog because the weather’s nice. Usually, the weather in Gangnam starts to hit the warmer temps of fall around this time which is perfect for you, but more importantly; you just got this dope ass workout apparel from Victoria’s Secret! Today, you decided to sport a pair of marble print hot shorts, a fleece v-back sweatshirt, and a white pair of Nike Roshe Ones. Every once in awhile, you would get distracted from looking for keys because you were to busy looking in the mirror. You were distracted because that outfit made you look extra thick, but since you were single; you were the only one who could appreciate the thickness.

“Shit, they were right here the whole time,” you say aloud when you find your keys lying on the counter behind your purse.

After a good 10 minute walk to the park, you decide to get your workout playlist ready for when you start to pick up the pace. This playlist consisted of a nice mixture of Korean and American artist, but DPR Live, one of your favorite artists, played a heavy presence in this mix. The park was relatively empty today, but there were still a few sightings of couples picnicking, ajusshi’s feeding fish at the pond, and cute small families playing together. Other than that, there were rarely any distractions. Once you hit the mile mark, you noticed that you’ve been jogging for about 15 minutes. Now, was about time for a water break and a quick stretching session. But before you could find a clear and open grassy area to do stretches, your favorite song came on, “Please” by DPR Live, so you had to take a moment to have a mini dance session. While you were in the middle of rapping the 2nd verse, you felt a soft and furry creature rub against your leg. As you looked down, you prayed it wasn’t a squirrel that rubbed against you, but you were pleased to be greeted by a Mini Pinscher laying on the grass looking up a you.

As you smiled back at the Mini Pin, you bent down to read her name tag, “Lori… you’re too cute to be left alone, and your owner must be crazy to leave you alone“.

You looked around to see if you noticed anyone nearby, but no one seemed to be looking for anything. Instead of looking for her owner, you decided to stay there for awhile and play together because you figured her owner would eventually show up calling her name. While you were in the middle of scratching Lori’s belly, you noticed her ears start to twitch as if something caught her attention.

“Loriiiiiii,” you heard a deep voice with an aussie accent yell.

When you turned around you saw a tall heavily tatted man wearing a black graphic t-shirt and a pair of gray Nike shorts with a man bun on his head. Your first impression of the man made your cheeks heat up because you suddenly felt overwhelmingly aware of how your ass looked. As you stood up, Lori started yapping aggressively in a cute manner which caught the man’s attention. Once he spotted the two of you, he rushed over and picked up Lori; then he greeted you.

“Lori, why did you run away from me?” You saw the man hug her tightly as he stood next to you. His arms appeared to be well built, and his tattoos seemed to intensify the effect they had on you. Suddenly, you felt slightly envious of Lori because of the care he seemed to show her as he embraced her.

“But it looks like you’ve found a pretty lady. A lady so pretty that I must take on a date.”

“And what might be the name of this mystery man who wants to take me on a date?”

You ask in a slightly flirtatious tone.

“Christian… but you can call me Ian. And maybe later you’ll call me your boyfriend.” He responds in an equally flirtatious tone, reaching in his pocket for his phone.

“Well, Ian you can call me Y/N, but what if I told you I already had someone to call mine?” Of course you wouldn’t reject his offer, but you just couldn’t pass up the offer of messing with him a bit. To you, this guy seemed to good to be true with his looks and all, so by now you’ve dubbed him a fuck boy.

“I guess I’d ask Lori why she would steal this pretty lady from me. My guess is that it’s because you two get along well, and my guess for that would be that you have a dog of your own at home.” Christian says as he runs his hand through his hair.

“Unfortunately, I don’t have a dog of my own. But lucky for you, I wouldn’t mind bringing Lori home. You, on the other hand, are another issue, and I guess it could be solved if I go on a date or two with you.” The amount of confidence you showed made you so proud of yourself, and you could tell it had an affect on Ian by the way he was biting his lip.

After a few more minutes of talking and exchanging contact info, you and Ian decided on a date at the zoo. Ian offered to walk you home, and on you way back you two did a bit of small talk. While you were chatting Christian tried to sweet talk you.

“You know I could buy you any animal you want.” He said as you two approached the front door to your condo. He looked at you in a relax manner, yet he still seem to anticipate what you would say next.

“Why would I want them if I got you?” You told Ian as you pecked him on his lips after unlocking your door and gently shutting it in his face.    

[saegusakin]

Here’s my RockStar/Roquill/Pocket playlist! I use this playlist for inspiration a lot~

I’ve got my reasons for picking each song under the cut.

1. i’m not in love by 10cc straight from the movie, obviously. fits the mood at first - they’re unsure of each other, and almost in denial in a sense. this is more quill feeling denial, honestly - very soft denial of ‘nah, couldn’t happen’ 

2. i won’t say i’m in love from hercules now in comparison, here’s rocket’s denial. over the top, loud, bombastic screaming of ‘i don’t fall in love’ followed by quietly admitting to himself that maybe it’s okay to fall for someone - that someone being quill - but only admits it to himself in private. plus, god, is it fun to imagine groot as the muses and rocket as meg. 

3. the chain by fleetwood mac straight from the movies once more. this song is really about a struggling relationship and that’s how quill and rocket’s relationship is in the second movie. looking at the second movie from a shipping perspective, it’s kickstarted by rocket stealing the batteries - which he doesn’t need, it’s repeatedly said he doesn’t need them. he did it so quill would pay attention to him instead of gamora. he was jealous. hence the struggle. but they make it through.

4. troublemaker by olly murs & flo rida ‘troublemaker’ is probably one of the best words you can use to describe rocket. and with all the shit he gets everyone else into? oh yeah. this fits. but quill is definitely getting attached to him anyway, even with all the shenanigans he causes.

5. sleeping with a friend by neon trees do i have to explain this one? look at the title. but i can imagine this is more ‘quill’s first thoughts when starting this whole thing with rocket’: he’s not sure what it entirely is, they’re friends, but they’re clearly something else. ‘and if it was all up to me - i’d be no trouble. hell, we’re in trouble!’ and even if he’s really getting attached to rocket despite himself, he has no idea how rocket can and will feel, so he’s ‘if my heart’s gonna break before the night ends’

6. collar full by panic! at the disco in contrast, here’s rocket’s feelings on the situation at that point - he’s the one who ultimately fell first and fell hardest, and now that it’s requited he’s just clutching to it as much as he can and lingering in the feeling - ‘before the world catches up, because there’s always time for second guesses, i don’t wanna know, if you’re gonna be the death of me, that’s how i wanna go.’ he’s not sure how long it’ll last either but god is he relishing in it.

7. take me to church (cover) by postmodern jukebox rocket’s feelings again. it’s pure and simple truth that rocker really doesn’t like himself, so in a relationship he really does see his partner as the world. (not that quill won’t constantly tell him otherwise, no, bad, he’s no better than him. stop it.) of course, quill’s greatest goal is for him to eventually get rocket to love himself too but that’s a long-term one. the words ‘only then i am human’ particularly strike a chord because that’s a major shame point for rocket.

8. fooled around and fell in love by elvin bishop once more from the movies. this is more of a ‘they finally ease into the relationship’ song. i know it was used for the canon ship in the movies but shhh. stealing it. it’s a nice song that can show them accepting their feelings despite never really intending to have any in the first place - or expect it at all.

9. you’re the only one by maria mena OKAY THIS SONG. this song is the de facto ‘rocket’s feelings for quill’ song. try to find me a better one. i’ll wait. you can’t. every line pretty much fits - the one that hits the hardest sums rocket up entirely: there’s a part of me that likes to bring you down just to keep you around, because the day you realize how amazing you are, you’re gonna leave me. that’s his worst fear, that’s his walls crashing down entirely, that’s the ‘i never want to let you go’ moment of it all being out in the open and ugh. it’s so cute. slay me with this song and roquill. slay me.

10. come and get your love by redbone another from the movies. quill’s anthem, honestly - this is the song that best represents him, and it’s a return to form. he’s with rocket, he’s happy, everything’s okay! everything’s normal! 

11. finesse by bruno mars quill’s confidence gets the better of him sometimes, even when rocket doesn’t expect it. quill completely falling for someone most likely means ‘yep, i’m great, he’s great, there’s nothing to be ashamed of bc we’re the best couple in the whole world and that’s not gonna change anytime soon’. 

12. moves like jagger by maroon 5 and christina aguilera predictably, this is quill’s confidence showing itself again....only for rocket to immediately match it. which is ultimately something that drives them closer together. he’s got the moves like jagger, okay? rocket you’re stuck with the girl part, sorry, but that means blatant hitting on quill which is A+++

13. shut up and dance by walk the moon see above, really. another song about quill, dancing, and rocket joining in. there are two types of people, people who dance, and people who don’t, and whoops, they’re both dancers.

14. classic by mkto ‘baby, you’re so classic’ is probably one of the highest compliments in the peter quill flirtation handbook, and yep, rocket is slowly becoming part of his life, joining the things he loves,they both know each other so well by this point

15. shut up and drive by rihanna ok. i’m gonna be entirely honest. this is the ‘quill has successfully fired up his rocket....if you get what i mean’ song. this is it. this is the one. reeeeeed rocket~ moving on.

16. style by taylor swift okay maybe not quite yet we move on. more a sign that they definitely do still have their disagreements, but they know each and every time it’s going to end up with them together again - they never go out of style. i don’t take the ‘you’ve been out and about with some other girl’ line as cheating in this song obvs XD more of a shady reference to gamora....and then lylla in turn. ye. shh. it’s a good relationship.

17. can’t take my eyes off you by frankie valli there was a tumblr post where it was said ‘imagine your otp slow-dancing to this song together’ and whoops, i roquill’d, now it’s not gonna stop. this is totally a song that quill would use on a quiet, romantic night to just be close to his partner and rocket will call him a huge dork for it but at the end of the day he’s still going along with it and smiling softly and thinking that he’s a huge dork, yeah, but he’s his dork, he wouldn’t have it any other way

18. good together by the runaway club this is a lot of quill and rocket’s relationship: ‘don’t do this.’ ‘i’m gonna do it anyway.’ ‘i kinda knew you were gonna.’ ‘that’s why we’re together.’ ‘yep, i’m the only one guaranteed to always put up with your shit.’ ‘damn straight.’ ‘we’re not straight.’ ‘shut up.’ (also: ‘that’s fine!’ ‘fine!’ ‘i love you!’ ‘i love you too!’ ‘that’s the first time we’ve said that!’ ‘yes it is!’ ‘i’m gonna kiss you!’ ‘well, you better!’ that’s them. that’s exactly them.)

19. for him. by troye sivan and allday another really good song for them. ‘ad we take jokes way too far. and sometimes living’s too hard. we’re like two halves of one heart. we are, we are, we are.’ there’s a good amount of fitting lyrics and i like the mental image of rocket getting a burst of confidence and going ‘we can get married tonight if you really wanna, if you break my heart, it’d be an honor’, quill adores those bursts of confidence

20. son of a preacher man by aretha franklin another song about how surprised rocket is that he fell for quill, and that he’s pretty much the only guy he’d ever fall for. it’s a classic.

the rest are mostly love classics, but a lot were based on meaning~

[justsoyoudonthaveto]

We’re not over the royal wedding yet, are we? Because Hallmark has re-run the new Duchess’s other movie, and of course, we need to watch When Sparks Fly, with her as Amy Peterson (we’ve already established that that name sucks – I’m looking at you, Little Women – and still not forgiving my parents for saddling me with it as a middle name) and some guy. It’s Fourth of July, and Amy’s got a boyfriend Hank, and a job opportunity at a paper in Chicago, and it’s her dream job, guys, so she has to take it and move away, and ___ decides to pocket the ugly engagement ring and she goes her way, he goes his way, and bam, we’ve moved ahead 7 years.

Amy is working at the paper, and the circulation is down, people! Whaddya got, Ace Reporter Amy? Her answer, as it’s almost Fourth of July, is to do an article about the people who set off fireworks…and oddly enough, her parents do that for a living. And apparently that’s good enough for her editor, who warns her that she’s lost her “spark” (ugh, how many times are we gonna hear that?) and she needs to get it back because he needs more from her. She gets to go home on the company dime, which is great planning on her part! She also works with atrocious people, who spend all their time on their phone, and oddly enough, she doesn’t realize that they don’t like her very much.

Amy has a boyfriend who likes fancy restaurants, but she’s just all about pizza and beer. And her apartment is so small that she keeps her shoes in her oven. She has a friend from back home named Sammy, who FaceTimes her with news (and a big engagement ring that isn’t the ugly one from her former boyfriend) but Amy peaces out before getting to hear or notices her friend wearing a ring. It’s also a huge deal that she is wearing makeup and a dress for this date, so she probably is that mythical beautiful girl who looks amazing in a baseball cap.

told you!

She has to meet her pretentious boyfriend Phil at the French restaurant. He’s way too old for her (I think he’s Betty’s dad on Riverdale) and he’s already ordered for her. Ugh. Gross. She is already apologizing for not liking his high-falutin’ ways, and that’s not good.

Apparently her best friend Sammy is engaged…to HANK! And the wedding is next week, because Sammy has always wanted a Fourth of July wedding. Why is that a thing? That’s not a thing. But it’s not weird that your best friend is marrying your ex-boyfriend, right? Where you are the maid of honor? And of course Amy has to see old photos of her and Hank as she’s packing to go home to this wedding, and the pensive piano music tells us that she’s not ok with her best friend marrying her ex-boyfriend.

Apparently Sammy is an interior designer, but because she’s the foil for Amy, of course she’s horrible. Her business isn’t doing great, because she thinks a neon orange, green, and yellow office chair is appropriate. And she’s gone through 2 wedding planners already, maybe because they don’t share her vision for red, white, and blue table runners.

Oh, Hank has a Sassy Friend! They are both small-town lawyers, and Sassy Friend already is laying down the what the what with Hank – Why are you marrying Sammy? Why aren’t you marrying Amy? You tell him, Sassy Friend/Best Man! (Sammy didn’t tell her fiance Hank that his ex-girlfriend that he almost proposed to is in the wedding party. Something tells me that she’s WAAAAAY too insecure).

I think Amy’s parents live in the Kent house from Smallville. At least the exterior.

I think if I was in Sammy’s wedding I would smack her in the face 12 times. She’s now roped Amy into helping her plan her own wedding. My question – is what is the timeframe for this article, how many days are there until this wedding that Sammy is still working through wedding planners, and Amy has her article for July 4? This time conundrum is going to drive me insane – at least, as insane as this silly movie is able.

Sammy’s dad is so enabling to his daughter – probably because her mom is dead. He pretends to love the neon monstrosity that is that desk chair. Sammy and Hank and Amy have to go wedding cake tasting, and she steamrolls over everyone’s votes on Red Velvet in favor of her own white chocolate needs. And her cake is a red, white, and blue nightmare.

What? Another person of color in this small town? How did that creep by the Hallmark brass? Sylvia is a news reporter on air, and I’m sure we’ll meet her again she’s Chekhov’s gun – it was too random of a thing not to happen. Amy’s Dad’s Fireworks Business is Not Doing Well. Will He Be Able To Save the Town’s Fireworks Display? Next at 11!

At bridal dress shopping, there are two bridesmaids in royal blue, Amy’s in red, and Sammy has a red, white and blue dress. I have never met someone who likes 4th of July as much as this made up girl does, and I think the writer did this so we would all hate her. Because I hate her. She’s cuckoo bananas.

Sammy just ordered blue roses for her wedding flowers. True story, that was an actual conversation I had with my husband when we were wedding planning.  We had hot pink instead. (I won.) No one is stopping this trainwreck even though Hank is having a ton of second and third and fourth thoughts about marrying this crazy girl. He also just asked Amy to help him plan the rehearsal dinner and Amy is not strong because even though she said no, she ends up doing it anyway. Way to stand your ground, Amy. But at least it gives Hank and Amy time to get lost on country roads and re-establish their connection. They get to reminisce at their favorite BBQ joint.

Other two unnamed bridesmaids plant seeds in Sammy’s head that Amy and Hank still have feelings for each other. Because duh. But they do get to plan the rehearsal dinner at the BBQ joint. Because nothing says love more than ribs. BBQ owner thinks that it’s weird that Hank is marrying Amy’s best friend and finally says it out loud.

This is her “I hate my life” face

Amy ends up confessing how much she doesn’t like her job and her life in Chicago. Confessing it to Hank. She’s feeling the effects of the BBQ.

Amy’s dad just said he was a Luddite because he doesn’t want to tweet. They both think that they don’t need a website, and we wonder why their business is failing.

Bridal Shower! Fourth of July themed, of course. They make dresses out of toilet paper. Thank the good Lord we didn’t do that at my shower.

Sammy is way insecure she has to full on make out with Hank in front of a humiliated toilet-paper dressed Amy. Because SAMMY SUCKS!

But after this whole debacle, Amy realizes she still has feelings for Hank. Again. Duh. She asks her mom for advice, and her mom says basically, well, it sucks, but what can you do? And just then, Phil shows up! At least Amy got out of the toilet paper. She can barely bring herself to hug him. It’s revolting.

The tuxedos have red, white, and blue bow ties. Sassy Friend is SO NOT HAPPY. See that face? That’s not a happy face! (Oh, and they have matching cumberbunds. If we haven’t said it yet, Hank, run, run, run, as fast as you can!)

Town Catastrophe – Water Main Break on Main Street. The Peterson family has been summoned to City Hall – to be told that the town can’t afford to pay them for the fireworks, and Ma and Pa Peterson are out a bunch of money, and their business is about to go way, way under. Is this when we get that random news reporter out of her package and get her to run a tv segment about family fireworks companies where everyone still has all their fingers and toes?

I think Phil is going to run away with Sammy. He’s super weird around her, and it’s just gross. But he takes care of Sammy long enough for Hank and Amy to exchange longing glances at each other. BBQ man offers her a shoulder to cry on but she has to show a stiff upper lip. But it doesn’t stop her from dancing with the groom-to-be to their “song.” OH MAN – Hank just dropped the “I was gonna propose to you” history on Amy right there on the dance floor. And then Sammy has to interrupt being the insecure person she is, and there is Phil to pick up the pieces, but the funny thing about dancing next to people instead of with them – you can still see them over your partner’s shoulder, and Amy has to run away.

Hank – WTF – why are you chasing after Amy when you are marrying the crazy girl? It’s toast time – and the groom isn’t there – no one can find Hank at the BBQ joint. AND AMY JUST CONFESSES SHE’S IN LOVE WITH HANK AND SAMMY OVERHEARD!!!!! AND SAMMY FREAKS OUT AND SAYS THE WEDDING IS OFF, and that IT’S ALL AMY’S FAULT. Now No One will help Amy’s parents fireworks business, Sammy. Way to be all selfish.

So in order to calm Sammy down, Amy and Hank drive around in Hank’s truck? How is that helping anyone? They find Sammy looking at patriotic china in a shop window. That’s where I go when I have the sad times. Amy looks on as they hug, and she heads off to walk through the deserted streets of Lakeside in her high heels and her sad face.

A HA! Sylvia the News Caster is there and interviews Amy about the Kickstarter campaign. CALLED IT, Chekhov’s gun indeed.

Amy gets to break up with Phil, so good for her. He does it kind of passive-aggressively, by saying that he knew she wasn’t ‘the one.’ But at least we don’t have to see him again.

Huzzah! They raised enough money for the fireworks! Crisis averted and Amy’s got a great ending for her article. Oh, did you forget she was writing one, too?

Sammy has realized she’s crazy, but she plays the “my mom’s not here to tell me what to do” card and I feel that’s a cop-out. But Amy and Sammy are on their way back to being friends. They share a cupcake, so you know it’s all fine.

Last montage of putting all the fireworks together. Hank shows up and asks Amy to ‘walk with’ him. He confesses that he’s still in love with her, and she confesses that she’s moving out of Chicago and back home to podunk town on a lake. Who cares about medical benefits when you have small town glamour?

Amy’s wedding cake has been repurposed as the dessert for the town party, and Amy encourages Sammy to be a party planner. God help all the hapless clients who hire her.

Amy’s article makes the front page at The Chicago Post, and is now working for the family business. Maybe they have dental.

Night falls, and Sparks Fly over Lakeside as the fireworks go off and Amy and Hank are happy. And what do you think, Phil shows up in an Uncle Sam hat, and hits on Sammy. Who saw that coming? Hands Up!

Whoa, twist, just a day before he was going to marry someone else, Hank proposes to Amy, and she says yes. It’s done in front of a badly done green screen to showcase more of the fireworks and we’re done. THANK GOD.

So this movie was super — not good. They wrote Sammy so crazy so you had to hate her, and Hank was such a nothing guy – you had no reason to wonder why he thought marrying Sammy was a good idea. Meghan Markle – you married WAY UP than this guy.

So, this recap is a full month before the Fourth of July, but I’m glad to close the chapter on Meghan Markle movies. She’s not bad as an actress, but I think her new role will be better, and I’m sure she’ll be happier married to Harry than to Hank the small town lawyer who really doesn’t understand what it means to not date your ex’s best friend.

Anyway – there are a ton of June Weddings movies waiting for me, and I’ll get to them as soon as I can, you know, just so you don’t have to.

                So much went on - the most atrociously planned wedding ever, fireworks, and people playing swap their fiances. All this, plus it's Fourth of July! I watched Sparks Fly, just so you don't have to. We're not over the royal wedding yet, are we? Because Hallmark has re-run the new Duchess's other movie, and of course, we need to watch 

[utopians]

Are you bored or something? It cost 0 dollars not to bother people about what they ship. It has nothing to do with you, so get a hobby

American Psycho

(musical)From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

American Psycho: The Musical

American Psycho is a musical with music and lyrics by Duncan Sheik and a book by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa. It is based on the controversial 1991 novel American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis,[1] which also inspired a 2000 film of the same name, which starred Christian Bale. Set in Manhattan during the Wall Street boom of the late 1980s, American Psycho is about the daily life of Patrick Bateman, a wealthy young investment banker who is also a serial killer.

The musical received its world premiere at London’s Almeida Theatre in 2013, directed by Rupert Goold and starred Doctor Who actor Matt Smith. A Broadway production began preview performances on 24 March 2016, at the Gerald Schoenfeld Theatre, directed by Goold and starring Benjamin Walker as Patrick Bateman.

Contents

1Background

2Plot

3Production history

4Musical numbers

5Principal roles and cast members

6Critical reception

7Awards and nominations

8References

9External links

4.1London

4.2Broadway

Background[edit]

The basis of the musical is the 1991 novel American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis.[2][3] In 2008, producers David Johnson, Jesse Singer, Nate Bolotin and Aaron Ray purchased the stage rights[4] and were developing a musical adaptation of the novel to appear on Broadway.[5] In 2010, it was revealed that the project had rounded out the key elements. Duncan Sheik, who won a Grammy and two Tony Awards for writing the songs in the Broadway hit Spring Awakening, and playwright Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa had completed the first act.[6][7] A workshop took place in Manhattan in 2011, with Benjamin Walker playing the lead role of Patrick Bateman.[8] In April 2012, it was announced that London theatre company Headlong would stage the musical’s world premiere[9] during their 2012-13 season.[10] At the same time a Kickstarter campaign was launched to raise $150,000,[11] to allow them to have a live orchestra and extend the rehearsal period for the production to seven weeks.[12]

Plot[edit]

From the 2016 Broadway production

Act I

Patrick Bateman is a 26-year-old investment banker living in New York City at the end of the 1980s. As the show begins, Bateman documents his morning routine, which involves fastidious grooming, tanning and carefully selecting a designer suit, before travelling to Wall Street (“Opening (Morning Routine)”/“Selling Out”). He arrives at Pierce & Pierce, the elite bank for which he works, and is greeted by his doting secretary, Jean (“Everybody Wants to Rule the World”). He anxiously enquires about the Fisher account, an exclusive account that is highly sought after by Patrick and his colleagues. Later, Patrick has lunch with his coworkers, Tim Price, Craig McDermott, Luis Carruthers and David Van Patten. They exchange fashion tips and critique restaurants before another colleague, Paul Owen, enters. Patrick learns that Owen has secured the Fisher account as well as reservations at Dorsia, New York’s most exclusive new restaurant. Absurdly jealous, Patrick attempts to save face by showing everyone his new business card, which leads Owen to show his (“Cards”). Owen mistakes Patrick as Marcus Halberstam, another coworker of Bateman’s. Patrick then invites him to his birthday dinner, thrown by his girlfriend Evelyn Williams and Courtney Lawrence, her best friend and Luis Carruthers’ girlfriend. Patrick calls Evelyn, telling her about Owen coming to the party. Evelyn hates the idea of having an odd number at her table, so Patrick also invites Jean to appease her (“You Are What You Wear”).

Patrick and Price arrive at Evelyn’s townhouse late, which irritates Evelyn. Over dinner, the party blandly pontificate about social and political issues, such as homelessness, gentrification and the Sri Lankan Civil War. Patrick makes a scene by butchering his birthday cake with a huge knife he is carrying. After dinner, Patrick and Price go to a club, where they dance and snort cocaine (“True Faith”/“Killing Time”). Suddenly overcome with despair and an awareness of the hollowness of his existence, Patrick leaves the club and angrily vows to never go clubbing again (“In The Air Tonight”). Patrick meets a homeless man on the street, offering him money before taunting him and killing him.

At the gym, Patrick’s coworkers work out and comment on the physiques of their female instructors (“Hardbody”). Meanwhile, it is revealed that Patrick is having an affair with Courtney. After having sex, Courtney decides to end the affair, telling a dismissive Patrick that they are betraying their respective partners. He meets his friends at the gym and attempts to strangle Luis in the steamroom. Luis interprets Patrick’s actions as a sexual advance and begs him to continue; disgusted, Patrick flees. During the intermission of a showing of Les Misérables, Evelyn broaches the subject of marriage with Patrick, who is not convinced by the prospect (“If We Get Married”).

Patrick heads to the Meatpacking District and picks up a prostitute named Christine, introducing himself to her as Paul Owen. He hires another prostitute named Sabrina and pays the two to engage in violent, sadistic sex with one another and with him (“Not A Common Man”). On Christmas Eve, Patrick waxes lyrical about Les Misérables to Jean and the two discuss their plans for the holidays. Patrick escorts his mother to Evelyn’s Christmas party, where he binges on drugs and alcohol (“Mistletoe Alert”). He runs into Paul Owen at the party and invites him back to his apartment. The two dance to “Hip to be Square”. Patrick spikes Owen’s drink, puts on a raincoat and begins a long one-sided analysis of the artistic and commercial merits of the band Huey Lewis and the News. After stating that “the world is better off with some people gone” (implying, at once, both himself and Owen), Patrick beheads Owen with an ax.

Act II

Patrick takes Owen’s body to an apartment he owns anonymously and dissolves it in a bathtub with a bag of lime. Afterwards, he lets himself into Paul’s apartment and stages his disappearance by resetting his voicemail and packing many of his possessions into a suitcase (“Clean”). Months pass, during which Patrick murders several people (“Killing Spree”). One afternoon, Patrick’s mother arrives on Wall Street expecting to have lunch with her son; Patrick, who has totally forgotten about the appointment, panics and begs Jean to dismiss her. Jean convinces Patrick to attend the lunch and offers to join the pair. Much to Jean’s delight, Mrs. Bateman tells her stories about Patrick as a child, when he was apparently much more carefree (“Nice Thought”). Back at Pierce & Pierce, Detective Donald Kimball calls on Patrick to question him about Owen’s disappearance. Uneasy, Patrick tries his hardest to evade questioning and asks Kimball to keep him updated about the manhunt. Keen to disentangle himself from New York, Patrick calls Evelyn and suggests a holiday, and so the two take a short break in the Hamptons. The idyllic setting cannot heal Patrick’s psyche, however; while Evelyn flourishes amid garden parties and Pilates classes, Patrick’s grasp on reality loosens further (“At The End of An Island”/“Hardbody Hamptons”). He promises Evelyn that if they return to New York he will marry her. On his return, he appropriates Paul Owen’s apartment as a place to host and kill more victims, beginning with Sabrina and Christine (“I Am Back”).

Luis runs into Patrick at a Barneys store and begs Patrick to run away with him. Patrick responds aggressively, assaulting and hissing at Luis. With his appetite for murder now totally unchecked, Patrick targets Jean, offering to take her to dinner at a restaurant of her choice. His sense of inferiority is piqued once again when she suggests Dorsia, where he is still unable to get reservations. Patrick gives Jean the rest of the day off and she wonders about her feelings for Patrick (“A Girl Before”). At Patrick’s apartment that night, the pair discuss her hopes and aspirations. As he is preparing to murder her, Jean tells Patrick that she is in love with him; her confession causes him great distress and he implores her to leave. He leaves a long voicemail for Kimball confessing to the murder of Paul Owen and countless other people (“Clean (Reprise)”).

The next morning, Jean apologises to Patrick for what happened the night before. He forgives her and tells her that he will be recommending her for a junior executive program through a company scheme. Tim Price unexpectedly arrives at Patrick’s office, having been AWOL from Pierce & Pierce since Bateman’s birthday. Patrick asks him where he’s been; Price responds by saying that he’s been in New York the whole time, but their paths haven’t crossed. He also asks Patrick about Paul Owen’s disappearance.

Patrick and Evelyn have their engagement party at Tunnel nightclub (“Don’t You Want Me”). Patrick is noticeably ill at ease and is desperate to go to dinner. Price says he is able to get reservations at Dorsia, which impresses the guests. Patrick sees Kimball at the bar and approaches him, asking him about the voicemail confession. Kimball breaks into laughter, stating that he found Patrick’s ‘joke’ “hilarious”, despite Bateman’s protestations that the confessions were genuine. Kimball tells Patrick that his narrative of what happened to Owen is impossible, as Owen is in fact in London; Kimball allegedly had dinner with him there twice. The next day, Patrick goes to Paul Owen’s apartment, expecting it to be full of decomposing bodies and cordoned off by the police. Instead, he finds the apartment vacant and in pristine condition; the real estate agent, Mrs Wolfe, deflects all of Patrick’s questions about Paul Owen and the bodies that were left in the apartment, before asking him to leave and never return. He marries Evelyn and resigns himself to a pointless existence in which the punishment and notoriety that he craves will forever be denied him. (“This Is Not An Exit”).

Production history[edit]

American Psycho began previews on 3 December 2013,[13] at the Almeida Theatre, London,[14] before holding its official opening night on 12 December,[15] with booking initially until 25 January,[16] but later extended[17] by a week to 1 February 2014, when it closed.[18] The show has a book by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa[19] with music and lyrics by Duncan Sheik[20] and is directed by Rupert Goold,[21] with choreography by Lynne Page, set design by Es Devlin, lighting design by Jon Clark, costume design by Katrina Lindsay, video by Finn Ross, musical direction by David Shrubsole and sound by Paul Arditti.[22] Tickets for the world premiere production sold out.[23] Notable casting for the show included Matt Smith as Patrick Bateman, Susannah Fielding as Evelyn Williams, Jonathan Bailey as Tim Price, Ben Aldridge as Paul Owen and Lucie Jones as Victoria.[24][25] A typical London performance ran 2hrs 40mins, including one interval of 20 mins.[26]

Following its premiere production a workshop of the musical was held in January 2015 in New York City.[27] On 23 July 2015, it was announced that the musical would open on Broadway on 21 March 2016, following previews from 19 February at a yet unknown Shubert theater.[28] Lead casting would include Benjamin Walker in the lead role of Patrick Bateman,[29] reprising his role from the 2011 workshop.[8] On 30 September 2015, it was announced that the musical would open at the Gerald Schoenfeld Theatre, and would begin previews over a month later than originally planned,[30] on 24 March 2016.[31] On November 9, 2015, it was announced that Tony Award winner Alice Ripley would join the cast as Patrick Bateman’s mother and Mrs. Wolfe, along with Tony Award nominee Jennifer Damianoas Jean, and Heléne Yorke as Evelyn Williams. Damiano previously worked with Sheik in the original production of Spring Awakening on Broadway, as well as with co-starring opposite Ripley as Mother and Daughter in the original production of Next to Normal.

On 26 May 2016, a closing date of 5 June 2016 was announced for the Broadway production, after 27 previews and 54 regular performances.[32]

Musical numbers[edit]

Sheik’s music features an original electronic score, with extracts from 1980s songs in-between.[33] The London cast album was released in March 2016.[34]

London[

edit

]Act I

[35]

“Clean”

“Everybody Wants to Rule the World”

“Cards”

“You Are What You Wear”

“Oh Sri Lanka”

“True Faith”

“Killing Time”

“In the Air Tonight”

“Hardbody”

“If We Get Married”

“Not A Common Man”

“Mistletoe Alert”

“Hip to Be Square”

Act II

[35]

“Clean” (reprise)

“Killer Wolf”

“A Nice Thought”

“End of An Island”

“I Am Back”

“Don’t You Want Me”

“A Girl Before”

“This Is Not an Exit”

Broadway[

edit

]Act I

[36]

“Opening (Morning Routine)” - Patrick Bateman

“Selling Out” - Bateman and Company

“Everybody Wants To Rule The World” - Jean and Company

“Cards” - Paul Owen, Bateman, Timothy Price, David Van Patten, Craig McDermott, and Luis Carruthers

“You Are What You Wear” - Evelyn Williams, Courtney Lawrence, and Women

“True Faith” - Vanden and Company

“Killing Time” - Bateman and Price

“In The Air Tonight��� - Women Soloists and Company

“Hardbody” - Hardbody Trainer, McDermott, Van Patten, Carruthers and Men

“You Are What You Wear” (reprise)

“If We Get Married” - Evelyn, Bateman, Jean

“Not A Common Man” - Bateman

“Mistletoe Alert” - Evelyn, Bateman, and Company

“Hip To Be Square” - Bateman and Paul

Act II

[36]

“Killing Spree” - Bateman

“Nice Thought” - Mrs. Bateman, Jean, and Women

“At The End Of An Island” - Evelyn, Bateman, and Company

“I Am Back” - Bateman and Company

“You Are What You Wear” (reprise)

“A Girl Before” - Jean

“Clean” - Company

“Don’t You Want Me” - Paul, Price, and Company

“This Is Not An Exit” - Bateman and Company

Principal roles and cast members[edit]

Original London

Off Broadway Lab

Original Broadway

Patrick Bateman

Matt Smith

Benjamin Walker

Paul Owen

Ben Aldridge

Roe HartrampfDrew Moerlein

VandenN/AN/AKrystina Alabado

Craig McDermott / ATM /

Tom Cruise

Charlie AnsonDrew GehlingAlex Michael Stoll

Tim Price

Jonathan Bailey

Theo Stockman

Courtney Lawrence

Katie Brayben

Heléne Yorke

Morgan Weed

JeanCassandra Compton

Jennifer Damiano

Sabrina / Video Store ClerkHolly Dale SpencerAngel Reda

Ericka Hunter

Evelyn Williams

Susannah Fielding

Zosia Mamet

Heléne Yorke

Detective Donald KimballSimon GregorJeb BrownKeith Randolph Smith

Christine / Hardbody Waitress / Hardbody TrainerHolly JamesSydney MortonHolly James

Victoria / Hardbody Bartender

Lucie Jones

Krystina AlabadoAnna Eilinsfeld

Sean Bateman / Security Guard / Dorsia HostTom KayNick BaileyJason Hite

Patrick’s Mother / Mrs Wolfe / SvetlanaGillian Kirkpatrick

Isabel Keating

Alice Ripley

David Van PattenEugene McCoyWallace SmithDave Thomas Brown

Luis Carruthers

Hugh Skinner

Wesley Taylor

Jordan Dean

Critical reception[edit]

The London production of American Psycho received mixed to positive reviews from critics.[41][42]