#instead of going through the whole kickstarter song and dance

[antisocialxconstruct]

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[sleephyjhs]

You’re sleep deprived (REACTION)

[ requested / masterlist ]

KSJ

Your head followed Jin’s shoulders as they bounced up and down. Using his shoulders as a pillow wasn’t unusual for you. He had just told his 1000th dad joke of the evening; any other night you wouldnt have found them as funny as you did.

As his laughing slowed, he looked over to see you struggling to stop, “You never laugh this much at my jokes, what’s wrong?”

Between deep breathes, you struggled to say, “Nothing.. I can’t breathe.. I think I’m overtired.”

“You must be if you’re laughing this hard,” he couldn’t help but become endeared at your beaming, yet sleepless face, “how about we get you to bed? It’s looking late.”

“Hmm okay!” You giggled, wrapping your arms around your boyfriend’s broad shoulders. He hoisted you into his arms with no diffculty and hurriedly carried you up the stairs.

Without hesitation, after he’d tucked you into your bed, Jin wrapped your figure in thick blankets to shield you from the cold, and left you to sleep. Not of course, without leaving a warm kiss on your forehead.

MYG

You’d spent most of your morning relaxing in Yoongi’s studio at the company. He’d been working on a new song and was desperate to get your opinion on it. Just a few final tweaks and it would be done.

The night before, you’d received close to no sleep at all. Coming to the end of your first trimester of pregnancy meant your constant sickness was starting to fade away. But not quick enough.

Not being the type to disturb someone else, you suffered in the bathroom with your sickness until the morning. Now, your lack of sleep was finally catching up to you.

As Yoongi played you his new song, you couldn’t help but flutter your eyes. They ached just by being open, “Honey? Are you tired? Didn’t you sleep well last night?”

You weren’t surprised he didn’t hear you the night before, but of course, he could sleep through an apocalypse, “No, I was so sick.”

“Lay down there. Catch some sleep now.”

“No, you’re working on music and I’m just in the way. I’ll go sleep in the lounge or somewhere.” You argued, standing slowly to avoid inducing more sickness.

“Thank god for headphones then. Please, just stay. There’s blankets and pillows there. Let me know if you need anything,” knowing Yoongi was always prepared reassured you for the coming months. His presence was comfort enough.

JHS

Whenever you had a spare few hours between work shifts, you’d join Hoseok in the dance studio. It’s how you met, and so you’d often use dance to reconnect with one another after a long day.

However today, you were more exhausted than usual. Before you, you watched Hobi’s blurred figure compromise different movements as he counted out the beats. Your eyes couldn’t help but fall to the floor as your heavy eyelids covered them.

“Does that look okay?” He asked, but you couldn’t reply. You heard his question, but an answer didn’t occur to you until a few seconds later.

“Huh? Sorry..” was all you could mumble. With effort, you raised your head to look at Hoseok in the eye, and of course, he was clearly concerned about you.

“You look so tired, would you like to call it a night and get home?” You could barely manage to nod at his prompt, “Come on, jagi.”

He linked his arm in yours, gathered your coats and bags and lead you out from the company building and into the car park. To you, the short trip took what seemed like several weeks.

Hoseok cranked up the heating and handed you a blanket he kept in the boot of his car, “It’s always busy this time of night, maybe get some sleep on the way home? I’ll drive smoothly, I promise.”

KNJ

You followed Namjoon closely as he toured the bookstore. Equally, the pair of you both loved books, but you’d simply couldn’t find the energy to search for your next big read.

Namjoon read different blurbs to you and made his judging comments on each of them. Usually, his witty analogies of different plots and summaries made you giggle but in that moment, you’d have way preferred a bed to a book.

“You usually pick up at least a couple of books. What’s up, do you just not feel like reading?” Namjoon asked you halfway through your widest yawn that afternoon.

“Reading would make me even more tired but I don’t think that’s possible.” You muttered, linking your arm with his and resting your head on his shoulders, “I’m okay though, take your time.”

Although you couldn’t see, Namjoon’s eyes thinned as he smiled at your drowsy slur. His cheeks folded into dimples as he thought about how to help you.

He glanced at the selection of books he carried in his right arm, “We’ll get these and go, okay? You need rest so that’s what I’ll get you.”

PJM

Once a week, you and Jimin liked to take the time to cook together. Neither of you were particularly gourmet level, however your skills put together always made for an interesting meal.

Today, Jimin was in charge. He had found a new recipe to try and so to make sure things ran as smoothly as they could, you split the workload equally.

Midway through stirring together some kind of mixture, you began to feel a rare drowsiness filter through you. It was hardly mid-afternoon, surely you weren’t already exhausted?

“Go lay down, honey,” The slowing of your stirring must have told Jimin something wasn’t right. Any other day you would have known your unresponsive state would worry him, “I’ll wake you when it’s ready.”

“No it’s okay, I’m okay. There’s so much to do, you can’t do it alone.” You insisted, using the very last of your willpower to finish the stirring.

“Look, you’re virtually finished. I promise you, I can finish this. Let me surprise you, for once?” The joking pout he formed was easily enough to convince you. Jimin knew too well your soft spot for casual aegyo.

KTH

This was your first time flying privately with Taehyung and the boys. Their latest tour kickstarted in Brazil, and as you had never been before, Taehyung convinced his management to allow you to join them.

The whole crew of staff and members flooded the private waiting lounge and inevitably caused a gentle bustle of chat and laughter. You tried hard to focus on what Tae was telling you; the last you could remember he was explaining the concept of his new favourite album.

You hated coming across as though you were uninterested, but in reality, you were just exhausted. By knowing him a few years, you knew Taehyung didn’t like to be ignored when talking about something he loved, and so trying to regain attention was your main priority.

“Are you listening?” Taehyung whispered into your empty ear (the other filled with the melodies of obscure music). His soothing, deeper voice certainly didn’t help your drowsy state of mind.

“I’m trying, I really am. I’m just exhausted Tae, that’s all.” You worried that your apology would sound like a lazy excuse, but instead, his covered arm slipped around your shoulders and pulled you into his chest.

“We won’t leave you here, I promise. Take a quick nap, and then you can get some good rest on the way there. Sound good?”

His raspy voice still sounded better than the music he played you, “Sounds good.”

JJK

If there’s one thing you knew for certain about Jungkook, it’s that he hates to lose. Which was unfortunate for him, as you also hated to lose. Playing video games was dangerous for you two, as you were both as competitive as the other.

Despite this, you, without fail, managed to hook him up to a different games console in his spare him and thrash him at any game he liked. Most of the time, he chose Mario Kart, as he considered himself to be the better driver.

After several rounds and several losses from both of you, you decided to hold a tie breaker match. It would hardly be 3 minutes; it couldn’t possibly impact the exhaustion you already felt.

What you’d failed to tell Jungkook was that your longer shifts this week were finally beginning to catch up with you. It would hurt you to turn down his end-of-week gaming tournament.

“Y/N, did you hear me?” He placed his hand above your knee in hopes to gain you attention a different way, “Would you like to call it a tie this time?”

“What? No, no. It’s okay, let’s go.” It wasn’t okay, another minute really would be pushing you but you were still determined to beat him nonetheless.

You unintentionally zoned out again, and to break your daze, Jungkook swept a blankets around you and plumped the pillows on your other side, “I promise you we’ll rematch when you wake up. I also promise that I won’t let you win.”

( i changed your request a lil as i found it a bit difficult to vary in plots, but i hope this is still okay! )

[realbeeing]

ancestral trauma & healing

I’ve recently come to understand what it means to honor my ancestors. I had heard mystics and shamans talk about how we can either relate to our ancestors in an unhealthy way— by holding onto their pain and perpetuating it unconsciously— or in a healthy way, by doing our best to work through the dysfunctions they passed on to us, starting to identify the pain as not solely our own but part of a chain of experience from which now another decision can be made. Breaking the cycle, in other words. 

Lately I started to feel a lot about my Jewish heritage, especially because I got a DNA test where it was confirmed I am pretty much of three-quarters Ashkenazi Jewish descent. I already knew my father’s family and maternal grandmother’s family came from that tribe so it was not a huge surprise, but with the company I bought the test from, they reveal not just that you are of Ashkenazi descent but what that particular descent really means: usually being one-half to two-thirds Arab genetics with the other part Southern European genetics, often Italian. In my case, I learned I had about a third Arab and Near-East origins and another third Italian. (My levels were lower because I have one non-Jewish, Irish grandparent).

Going through my results brought to light a new realization for me about the story of my ancestors. The Jewish people had moved around a lot: from the Middle East, to the Roman Empire, to the German kingdom and then further into Eastern Europe. And then many of them left Europe entirely to come to the United States or to Israel, havens for the Jewish population. For some reason I had never really thought about what it took for my ancestors— really just my great grandparents — to come all the way to America  It was not like they just decided one day to to travel to a new continent for a vacation. Nowadays it’s hard to understand the scope of such travel before the time of cheap and abundant flights and a more globalized culture. I can’t imagine what it was like to uproot yourself from your homeland and go to a place where your familiar language wasn’t spoken, where the culture was totally different. No, they must have come here out of necessity. My family has kept scant records though so I can only speculate. 

I have read a lot about anti-semitism recently and the pogroms that occurred in Eastern Europe, where my ancestors were living. The Jews were always on the run, a persecuted people, for whatever reason that is still mysterious to me. Were we victims? Were we perpetuating this cycle ourselves from a victim complex? I wasn’t there to know. 

Jews have learned to make a home in many places. I feel that in myself in my need to travel and the desire I’ve had since being a child of running away, being a nomad, going to an unknown land. Yet what is my enjoyment was their serious task. In my youthful seeking phase I contacted a bunch of different eclectic religious paths, settling into the Hare Krishna way for a couple of years in Peru as well as going into strange rabbit holes about all sorts of new age topics such as aliens and lost civilizations. In this period, I hardly thought about Judaism at all, nor my ancestors. I was convinced the body is just a phantasm, that we are soul first and thus that my true ancestry was first cosmic and that any earthly ties were not a subject for any earnest consideration. Growing up on North American native land, spending time on Andean land, going deep into Vedic religion— I was a mix of many influences and those related to blood seemed like the least relevant. 

In my Krishna commune, we called our group “family” and I think genuinely felt that way about each other. It was not genetics that connected us but a spiritual purpose and a belief we were all headed to the same lofty quarters of heaven. I remember learning one Hebrew song after hearing tons of Vedic chants and seeing a Star of David in my mind’s eye during a sweat lodge, but other than that my ethnic-spiritual past seemed far away.  

Meanwhile it wasn’t until a couple of years after leaving that group when I began to do a lot of deeper healing than that which had been supposedly dealt with in my religion, when I thought all my burdens had been lit on fire by god. In a way it was true: I received a spiritual communion which rooted itself so deeply in my consciousness that I can never go back to who I was before that experience. But still there was quite a deep wound to address, namely a traumatic childhood based on being abused by a parent. A parent who was abused by their own parent. And so on: a chain not of spiritual transmission but of shit. They were not the ancestors how I would have liked to imagine them: old sages or native chiefs whispering wise words in my ear. I did not want to admit the reality of the situation for a long time because of my chronic conditioning to downplay serious events in my life, brushing them aside because I never thought they were important enough—  which was an idea I had been brandished with by my abuser. Also it went against the image I had of myself as this spiritually liberated person. It wasn’t necessarily that this image was a complete illusion, which is a tempting conclusion to make when we receive a humbling from life. It would be easier to dismiss the entire past— but nothing can be so black and white. My ancestors are not all good or all evil. My initial spiritual experimentation did yield some truly healing moments. That was real for the time being. I could find meaning as a “galactic” citizen. But then eventually I did have to come down to earth. Another layer of the spiral had to unfold. A death had to take place. 

At first I resisted it and I saw my life stagnate a lot. Besides the fact that I was forcibly stranded in a rural country not my own due to the worldwide pandemic, I was stuck creatively, mentally and socially. I was isolating myself both physically and in way of ideas. I slowly started to become more interested in conspiracy theories, especially since world events have gotten so crazy which has sparked a whole tidal wave of increased paranoid thinking among everyone. Forget my ancestors being persecuted-- I was being persecuted just for being alive! The essential message of love—which was the lesson of all my valuable spiritual trips— was sometimes forgotten and the adrenaline rush of fear or excitement at some impending catastrophic event became almost a hobby and stood in for giving my time and energy to more creative and nourishing endeavors. It took a location move and I think my Saturn return to really kickstart a new cycle for myself, one where I do want to look at the pain I have been carrying and see how this pain is both mine and is not. The suffering in my genetic line is both something I can transcend out of and something I am inexplicably bound to and responsible for addressing. 

In the recognition of pain comes the power needed to finally confront it head on. I thought I had already sufficiently looked into my past and done the emotional purging work— but it was a whole new step for me to acknowledge the abuse as well as to acknowledge that I had some degree of trauma from what I went through. What followed from taking this step was not only more self-love and psychological balance but also a razing of my mental inventory: I was not exactly who I thought I was. This clearing made space for new inspiration and motivation, for the courage to create beauty where I could. To make jewelry, paint, dance, run, sing. Things I had forgotten and filled instead with trivial information. That was okay then, and I am okay now too. It is not some before/after scenario: that paradigm of healing is over. Like I said, healing is a spiral which unfurls at its own pace. I am exactly where I need to be. And from this vantage point, I can better hear what my ancestors are speaking to me, and I listen— while also telling them, I’m going to do things a bit differently now. We are going to do things different. 

[d-criss-news]

Darren Criss acts as playwright when he writes songs. He’s far more confident, and certainly more vulnerable, when he allows himself to play the part. In such a way, songwriting opens up a whole new world that pulses with untapped potential. So much of what he has accomplished in 15 years resides in his willingness to expose himself to what his imagination and intuition have in store. He steps into a playwright’s shoes with considerable ease (just look at his resume), and always one to put on plenty of bravado, especially during our Zoom face-to-face, it’s the natural order of things.

“As I get older and write more and more songs, I really recognize that I’ve always preferred to write for another context other than my own,” Criss tells American Songwriter. He speaks with a cool intensity, gesturing emphatically to accentuate a sentence, and when you let him go, he’s like the Energizer Bunny 一 “I can tell by just how quiet you already are that you’re fucked,” he jokes at the start of our video chat. But he remains just as engaged and focused when listening.

He soaks in the world, taking astute notes about behavior and emotional traits he can later use in song. His storytelling, though, arrives already in character, fully formed portraits he can then relay to the world. It’s not that he can’t be vulnerable, like such greats as Randy Newman, Tom Waits, and Rufus Wainwright, who have all embroidered their work with deeply personal observations, it just doesn’t feel as comfortable. “I’ve always really admired the great songwriters of the world who are extremely introspective and can put their heart and soul on the chopping block,” he muses. “That’s a vulnerability that I think is so majestic. I’ve never had access to it. I’m not mad about it. It’s just good to know what your deal is.”

Criss’ strengths lie in his ability to braid his own experiences, as charmed as they might be, into wild, goofy fantasies. In the case of his new series “Royalties,” now streaming on Quibi, he walks a fine line between pointed commentary on the music industry, from menial songwriting sessions to constantly chasing down the next smash, and oddball comedy that is unequivocally fun. Plotted with long-standing friends and collaborators Matt and Nick Lang, co-founders of Team StarKid, created during their University of Michigan days (circa 2009), the show’s conceptual nucleus dates back more than a decade.

If “Royalties” (starring Criss and Kether Donohue) feels familiar, that’s because it is. The 10-episode show ─ boasting a smorgasbord of delightful guest stars, including Mark Hammill, Georgia King, Julianna Hough, Sabrina Carpenter, and Lil Rel Howery ─ captures the very essence of a little known web series called “Little White Lie.” Mid-summer 2009, Team StarKid uploaded the shoddy, low budget production onto YouTube, and its scrappy tale of amateur musicians seeking fame and fortune quickly found its audience, coming on the heels of “A Very Potter Musical,” co-written with and starring Criss. Little did the trio know, those initial endeavors laid the groundwork for a lifetime of creative genius.

“It’s a full circle moment,” says Criss, 33, zooming from his Los Angeles home, which he shares with his wife Mia. He’s fresh-faced and zestful in talking about the new project. 11 years separate the two series, but their connective thematic tissues remain striking. “Royalties” is far more polished, the obvious natural progression in so much time, and where “Little White Lie” soaked in soapy melodrama, the former analyzes the ins and outs of the music world through more thoughtful writing, better defined (and performed) characters, and hookier original tunes.

“Royalties” follows Sara (Donohue) and Pierce (Criss), two struggling songwriters in Los Angeles, through various career exploits and pursuits. The pilot, titled “Just That Good,” features an outlandish performance from Rufus Wainwright as a major player in dance-pop music, kickstarting the absurdity of Criss’ perfectly-heightened reality. As our two main characters stumble their way between songwriting sessions, finally uncovering hit single potential while eating a hot dog, Criss offers a glimpse into the oft-unappreciated art of songwriting.

In his own songwriting career ─ from 2010’s self-released Human EP and a deal with Columbia Records (with whom a project never materialized) to 2017’s Homework EP and Computer Games’ debut, Lost Boys Life, (a collaboration with his brother Chuck) ─ he’s learned a thing or two about the process. Something about sitting in a room with someone you’ve never met before always rang a little funny to him.

“You meet a stranger, and you have to be creative, vulnerable, and open. It’s speed-dating, essentially. It’s a different episode every time you pull it off or not. All the big songwriters will tell you all these crazy war stories. Everyone has a wacky story from songwriting,” he says. “I slowly realized I may ─ I can’t flatter myself, there are tons of creative people who are songwriters ─ have prerequisites to just put the two together [TV and music]. I’ve worked enough in television as an actor and creator. I can connect the dots. I had dual citizenship where I felt like it was really time for me to go forth with this show.”

But a packed professional life pushed the idea to the backburner.

Between six seasons of “Glee” (playing Blaine Anderson, a Warbler and lover to Chris Colfer’s Kurt Hummel), starring in “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” on Broadway, and creating Elsie Fest, a one-day outdoor festival celebrating songs of the stage and screen, he never had the time. “I was lucky enough to be busy,” he says. “As Team StarKid’s star was continuing to rise with me being separate from it, I was trying to think of a way to get involved again with songwriting.”

At one point, “Glee” had officially wrapped and his Broadway run was finished. It appeared “Royalties” may finally get its day in the sun. “I went to Chicago for a work pilgrimage with the Langs. We had a few days, and we put all our ideas on the map: every musical, feature film, show, graphic novel, and animated series we’ve ever thought of,” he says. “A lot of them were from the Langs; they were just things I was interested in as a producer or actor. We looked at all of them and made a top three.”

“Royalties” obviously made the cut.

Fast forward several years, Gail Berman’s SideCar, a production company under FOX Entertainment, was looking to produce a music show. Those early conversations, beginning at an otherwise random LA party, showed great promise in airlifting the concept from novel idea to discernible reality. Things quickly stalled, however, as they often do in Hollywood, but Criss had at least spoken his dreams into the universe.

“I finally had an outlet to put it into gear. It wasn’t until two to three years after that that things really locked in. We eventually made shorts and made a pilot presentation. We showed it to people, and it wasn’t until Quibi started making their presence known that making something seemed really appealing,” he says. “As a creator, they’re very creator-centric. They’re not a studio. They’re a platform. They are licensing IP much like when a label licenses an indie band’s album after the fact.”

Quibi has drawn severe ire over the last few months, perhaps because there is a “Wild Westness” to it, Criss says. “I think that makes some people nervous. Being my first foray into something of this kind, Quibi felt like a natural partner for us. If this had been a network or cable show, we would’ve molded it to be whatever it was.”

Format-wise, “Royalties” works best as bite-sized vignettes, charming hijinks through the boardroom and beyond, and serves as a direct response to a sea of music shows, from “Nashville” and “Empire” to “Smash.” “Those shows were bigger, more melodramatic looks at the inside base of our world. I’ve always been a goofball, and I just wanted to take the piss out of it,” he says. “This show isn’t about songwriting. It’s about songwriters… but a very wacky look at them.”

“30 Rock,” a scripted comedy loosely based around “Saturday Night Live,” in which the focus predominantly resides around the characters, rather than the business itself, was also on his mind. “It’s about the interconnectivity of the people and characters. As much of the insider knowledge that I wanted to put into our show, at the end of the day, you just want to make a fun, funny show that’s relatable to people who know nothing about songwriting and who shouldn’t have to know anything.”

Throughout 10 episodes, Criss culls the “musicality, fun, and humor” of Fountains of Wayne’s Adam Schlesinger and Max Martin, two of his biggest songwriting heroes, and covers as many genres as possible, from K-Pop to rap-caviar and classic country. While zip-lining between formats, the songs fully rely on a sturdy storytelling foundation ─ only then can Criss drape the music around the characters and their respective trajectories. “I wanted to do something where I could use all the muscles I like to flex at once, instead of compartmentalizing them,” he says. “I really love writing songs for a narrative, not necessarily for myself. I thrive a little more when I have parameters, characters, and a story to tell.”

Bonnie McKee, one of today’s greatest pop architects, takes centerstage, too, with an episode called “Kick Your Shoes Off,” in which she plays a bizarro version of herself. “She has her own story, and I’ve always been fascinated by it,” says Criss, who took her out to lunch one day to tell her about it. Initially, the singer-songwriter, known for penning hits for Katy Perry, Taio Cruz, and Britney Spears, would anchor the entire show, but it soon became apparent she would simply star in her own gloriously zany episode.

In one of the show’s standout scenes, Pierce and Sara sit in on a label meeting with McKee’s character and are tasked with writing a future hit. But they quickly learn how many cooks are in the kitchen at any given moment. Everyone from senior level executives to publicists and contracted consultants have an opinion about the artist’s music. One individual urges her to experiment, while another begs not to alienate her loyal fanbase, and then a third advises her to chronicle the entire history of music itself ─ all within three minutes or so. It’s absurd, and that’s the point. “Everyone’s been in that meeting, whether you’re in marketing or any creative discussion that has to be made on a corporate level by committee. It’s the inevitable, comedic contradictions and dissociations from not only rationality but feasibility.”

Criss also draws upon his own major label days, having signed with Sony/Columbia right off the set of “Glee,” as well as second-hand accounts from close friends. “There are so many artists, particularly young artists, who famously get chewed up and spat out by the label system,” he says. “There’s a lot of sour tastes in a lot of people’s mouths from being ‘mistreated’ by a label. I have a lot of friends who’ve had very unfortunate experiences.”

“I was really lucky. I didn’t have that. I have nothing but wonderful things to say,” he quickly adds.“It wasn’t a full-on drop or anything. I was acting, and I was spreading myself really thin. It’s a record label’s job to make product, and I was doing it piecemeal here and there. I would shoot a season [of ‘Glee’] and then do a play. I was doing too many things. I didn’t have it in me at the time to do music. I had written a few songs I thought were… fine.”

Both Criss and the label came to the same conclusion: perhaps this professional relationship just wasn’t a good fit. They parted ways, and he harbors no ill-will. In fact, he remains close friends with many folks from that time. So, it seems, a show like “Royalties” satisfies his deep hunger to make music and write songs ─ and do it totally on his own terms.

“I still say I want to put out music, and fans have been very vocal about that. I feel very fortunate they’re still interested at all,” he says. “That passion for making music really does come out in stuff like [this show].”

“Royalties” is Darren Criss at his most playful, daring, and offbeat. It’s the culmination of everything he has tirelessly worked toward over the last decade and a half. Under pressure with a limited filming schedule, he hits on all cylinders with a soundtrack, released on Republic Records, that sticks in the brain like all good pop music should do. And it would not have been the same had he, alongside Matt and Nick Lang, not formed Team StarKid 11 years ago.

Truth be told, it all began with a “Little White Lie.”

[pccrunfortunatesouls]

|| Get to know SEBASTIAN “SKIP SPARKYPANTS” SEGURA who’s TWENTY-TWO years old and works as a POPSTAR in town. He is from NEW JERSEY and is often times mistaken for DIEGO TINOCO while others say he reminds them of SKIP SPARKYPANTS from THE FAIRLY ODDPARENTS. ||

Skip has been an attention seeker for as long as he can remember. Being the middle of five children, he was always the forgotten child and he felt like he had to work really hard to be noticed. He was always the king of running into the room shouting “hey mom, look at this!” and showing her a flip or a new dance moved he learned. And she always came back with a half-hearted “that’s nice sweetie”, only half watching and never giving the enthusiasm that Skip was looking for. It only pushed him to be louder and more obnoxious in his quest for getting attention.

He was always the kid in class that was getting in trouble for causing a disruption. You know the one I’m talking about. Since he wasn’t getting the attention he wanted at home, he decided he would get it from his classmates instead. He started out by making little jokes in class, usually at the teacher’s expense, that would make whoever was sitting next to him laugh. Then he started escalating it to physical comedy, one time disrupting the class for a whole twenty minutes because he thought it would be funny to stick his head through the hole in the back of the classroom chair and it got stuck. Even if people were laughing at him, he was getting attention the attention he wanted and he was starting to get addicted to it.

The first time he ever got attention from his peers where people were cheering him along rather than laughing at him was when he performed at the ninth grade talent show. He got up on stage and performed Shiny Teeth and Me, and the crowed absolutely loved it. Everyone was screaming and clapping, asking him to perform another song, and afterwards lots of people came up to him telling him how great he was. That’s how he got the idea to start his YouTube channel.

His YouTube channel was slow going at first, uploading a Chip Skylark cover every month or so and getting a couple thousand views. He was happy with even that, thinking that he was really doing something here. But over time his number of followers started to grow until he was uploading a cover at least once a week to appease the hundreds of thousands of people that were tuning in. And much to his surprise, almost all of the comments were good. People were loving him. For the first time ever, Skip was thinking he might try to make music his career and even had plans to apply to NYU for performing arts when he graduated high school. And then one day when he was eighteen, Chip tweeted out some fan covers, Skip’s cover of Icky Vicky among them, and his whole life changed.

Overnight, Skip’s video had over a million views and he could hardly believe what was happening. Chip Skylark noticing him would have been enough for him, because as much as he didn’t talk about it, Chip was his absolute idol. Watching a latino pop star get such commercial success meant everything to him, and Skip wanted nothing more than to be just like him. He even brushed his teeth religiously, just so if he ever met Chip the man would be impressed with his own shiny teeth. He was obsessed. And now here Chip is, being the absolute angel that he is and kickstarting Skip’s career, because only a week after Chip tweeted his cover, Skip got a call from a talent scout.

The talent scout made all sorts of big promises to Skip about how he was going to be the biggest international pop star in the world, even bigger than Chip, and he jumped at it without a second thought. He didn’t even consult his parents or take the time to thoroughly read the entire contract; he just withdrew his acceptance from NYU, signed the contract, and was ready to get into the studio. Skip was born to be a star, and finally other people were realizing it. Everything he wanted was coming true.

It wasn’t long before Skip learned that he probably should have read the fine print of his contract, because his record label practically owned him. Skip didn’t have any creative say in any of the music he was making, didn’t even have any say on the outfits he was wearing. Which is exactly how he became Skip Sparkypants. One day while he was in a fitting for his first show, a rep from the label came in with the ugliest pair of sparkly red pants that Skip had ever seen in his life. He was no stranger to wearing ridiculous clothes, doing it all the time when he was in high school to get attention from the girls he liked, but he had really thought this was going to be a time to reinvent himself. To go on stage looking cool. He tried to protest, told his manager that under no circumstances would he go on that stage looking like a disco ball, but he quickly learned that he had no say, that this was going to be his thing. It was his way of competing with Chip Skylark. Chip had his shiny teeth, and apparently Skip had his sparkly pants.

While he was originally deeply upset about his lack of creative control, as soon as Skip got his first taste of fame he didn’t care anymore. It turns out that his fans really loved the sparkly pants, so what was he protesting for? It wasn’t long before the fame was completely starting to get to Skip’s head. He’d never received this kind of attention before, never been loved and adored, and it turned him into kind of an asshole. He had high demands, got snappy and impatient with everyone that worked with him, and was just overall a dick. He even started getting so full of himself that he would request things like only red m&ms in his dressing room, because red m&ms were the best, just like him.

As soon as he started developing an attitude, his team put him through extensive media training to make sure he didn’t ruin his image. He was being billed as a sweet, caring, fun guy, a total heartthrob, and his team wasn’t willing to risk losing that image. And he got incredibly good at it. While he’s a dick behind closed doors, throwing around demands, and even somethings throwing tantrums like a petulant child, in front of his fans and the media, he’s the best. Girls want to be with him, guys want to be him, and both his music and his image are skyrocketing.

His rivalry with Chip started out slowly. The first time they met, Skip was so excited to meet his idol, the man that kickstarted his career, and it broke his heart to learn that Chip truthfully had absolutely no idea who he was. And Skip really got his feelings hurt about it. Rather than just waiting until Chip learned who he was, Skip started becoming a little bit of a dick to Chip every time they saw each other. Eventually Chip started being rude right back, and over the years it’s started to grow and take a life of it’s own. Now they absolutely loathe each other and everyone knows it.

It wasn’t that Skip wasn’t a famous pop star, because he was. He was still selling out his concerts, but his venues were just a bit smaller than the ones Chip was playing it. He was still doing numbers on the charts, but he kept charting lower than Chip. He was still chased down by mobs of fans that passed him on the street, but those mobs were just a bit smaller and screamed just a little quieter than the ones that chased after Chip. When he was first discovered, the scout promised that he would be an even bigger star than Chip, and Skip just can’t let that go. Too busy focusing on being better than Chip, he hardly takes the time to enjoy his own success.

The Incident, as he likes to call it, happened so quickly that he barely remembers it. After having one (or five) too many drinks at his place, he was on the way to the club with his friends when a fan stopped him to ask for a photo. He was so excited until she called him Chip, and then something in him snapped. Maybe it was the alcohol, or perhaps it was the years of boiling resentment for the other star, but Skip just exploded. How dare she confuse him for that shiny teethed little bitch? He started screaming it at the top of his lungs, ranting about everything that’s wrong with Chip Skylark. Don’t you know who I am? he remembers yelling, not paying any attention to the fact that everyone around them had started taking out their phones to film his meltdown. He only shut up when his friends physically dragged him away, and even then he went with a bit of kicking and screaming.

After an agonizing day curled up on his couch under a weighted blanket, watching the video being circulated all over Twitter and Instagram, Skip pulled out the old notes app to post an apology to his account. Saying that he made a mistake and didn’t mean what he said, and he was very sorry to any of his fans that he hurt. He was going to try to be better. Skip posted it with all the confidence in the world, sure that it would be enough to get his fans back on his side, but all the negative comments just kept coming. His fans were disappointed, wanting to know what happened to the fun loving Sparkypants the knew and love. Suddenly they were questioning him, they couldn’t trust him anymore, and Skip’s team knew they had to take some sort of action.

Skip originally had no real intentions of becoming a better person while he’s in Corona, even though that’s very much his team’s intentions. They want him to take a long, hard look at himself and work to improve, but he doesn’t want to do that. What he wants is a long vacation on a beautiful island, and the chance to fuck with Chip Skylark. Everyone has heard the rumours that he’s having a hard time finishing his album, and he thinks this is his opportunity to finally get the one up on him.

Though many fans seem to be under the impression that Skip’s real name is Skip Sparkypants, it definitely is not. His real name is Sebastian Segura, but Skip is a nickname given to him by his family from the time he was born, and it just kind of stuck. And Sparkypants… well, everyone’s seen the man’s pants.

While he’s gotten out of the habit of cooking ever since becoming famous, because he has a chef to do that for him now, he’s always been a really good cook. Growing up he was always expected to make dinner for the family at least once a week, and those skills aren’t something that just leave you, even if you don’t use them anymore. His favourite first date move is to invite his date over to cook enchiladas because he thinks it makes him look humble.

The man is loud. Just… so very loud. Even with international love and success, he’s never gotten over his need for attention and will do anything he can to make sure he gets it. Usually that involves telling stories or jokes loudly and obnoxiously so everyone can hear. If he’s in the same area as you, you’ll know it.

Deep down, when he really tries to access his emotions, Skip is incredibly insecure and just doesn’t think he’s good enough. It’s why he’s so loud and obnoxious all the time. He thinks that if he puts on a front and appears confident, everyone will believe him. So far it’s working pretty well.

He has a pet hamster named Cornelius that he absolutely adores. Thinks he’s the cutest little guy in the world. If he’s not posting pictures on Instagram of himself or promoting his music, it’s pictures of little Corny.

[unpack-my-heart]

IT Fandom Prompt Week 2019 - Day 2

I wrote a silly little meet-ridiculous for day 2 of the It Fandom Prompt Week! (College AU / Coffee Shop AU / Roommates AU)

Read it on AO3 or posted below the cut.

Preview:

“This isn’t my room”

“It is not”

“You aren’t … in my room”

“Nope”

“I’m in your room”

“Yup”

[OR: Eddie Kaspbrak has a really bad day]

@constantreaderfool

By all accounts, Eddie Kaspbrak had had the worst day possible. No day could possibly have gone as badly as today had gone.

To start with, his alarm hadn’t gone off.

6:45 ….

6:53 …

7:08 …

7:31 …

8:04 …

“SHIT!”

After launching himself out of bed with all the strength of a river salmon propelling itself upstream, he’d promptly slipped on the hoodie he’d discarded last night, and landed on his knee awkwardly. A dark red mark almost immediately bloomed on his right knee, and Eddie cursed knowing that it’d become an ugly, mottled yellow in a few days.

Hopping on his left foot and cursing past-Eddie for being such a slob and not putting his clothes away properly, Eddie scrambled around trying to find his safety goggles and steel-toe capped boots for today’s lab. They were doing … something … with six-cylinder piston engines, and despite racking his brains, Eddie couldn’t remember what. Maybe Bev would know.

To: Miss Marsh:

What r we doing today?

From: Miss Marsh:

Dunno, didn’t look at the schedule

To: Miss Marsh:

You bring dishonour on yourself and dishonour on your cow

To: Miss Marsh:

Love you too. See you in a bit x

Bev did not know.

One shoe on, one shoe lodged under the wardrobe, and Eddie still couldn’t find his goggles.

Two shoes on, the fundamental principles of aeronautical engineering lodged firmly in his backpack.

Safety goggles, still missing.

8:45 …

8:58 …

9:02 …

“SHIT!”

Eddie had never been late before. Ever. Never ever ever.

Saftey goggles be damned, Eddie sprinted out of his dorm room, slamming the door behind him, and charged off down the hallway.

Three minutes later, and puffing like a train, Eddie careened straight into his door, scrabbling in his pocket for his keys.

Locking the door this time, Eddie sprinted off to his lab.

– x –

If the morning had gone chaotically, the lab had been even worse.

The professor had berated Eddie for not bringing his safety goggles, and threatened to refuse to let him participate in the practical until Eddie had begged and promised to never let it happen again. Relenting, the professor let Eddie borrow his own safety goggles, and made Eddie promise on pain of death he wouldn’t break them.

Eddie broke them.

He’d been leaning over the engine, screwdriver held between his teeth as he wrestled with a particularly resistant bolt, when the glasses had slipped off his face and smashed on the concrete floor, splintering into four uneven pieces.

Shit.

Shit!

Panicking, Eddie picked up the pieces of safety goggle.

“Beverly”

“Hang on”

“Beverly Marsh!”

“Edward Kaspbrak! Hold yer damn horses, I just gotta –“

A loud pop echoed throughout the classroom.

“Fuck yeah!”

“Language, Miss Marsh!” came an angry voice from the front of the lab.

“Sorry, Professor.”

Beverly placed the severed bit of engine on the bench, and turned to Eddie, who was pitifully cradling the bits of goggle in his hands.

“Beverly,” Eddie moaned, “He’s going to eat me for lunch”

“Eh, I think you’re more snack sized”

“Not helping, asshole”

“Do you want me to tell him I broke them?”

“No”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know”

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, Eddie didn’t have to do anything.

Without warning, water started to rain down from the ceiling, and piercing shrieks echoed around the room.

“FUCK!”

– X –

The class shuffled outside, drenched through. Waiting for them outside were members of the college maintenance team with guilty looks plastered on their faces.

“Sorry about this, guys. The sprinkler system had been malfunctioning in here for the past few days and we really thought we’d fixed it”

Luckily, the professor stormed off to the head of maintenance’s office, presumably to complain about the sprinkler malfunction potentially ruining the engines, but unluckily, Eddie was now soaked.

The students shuffled back into their lab to collect their abandoned possessions, and Eddie’s textbook was almost entirely ruined. The pages had turned to a mulchy soup, the ink running wildly on the page, rendering the text unreadable. Bev patted Eddie sympathetically on the shoulder as he yowled in pain.

“You can share mine”

– X –

Seeing as the lab was Eddie’s only class of the day, and he was now soaked through to his bones, he decided to go home and shower. Working on autopilot, Eddie beeped into the building, and started trudging up the stairs to the third floor. When he’d reached his door, he shoved it open and –

“DANCE THIS MESS AROUND, ‘ROUND, ‘ROUN– WHAT THE FUCK”

There was a naked man in Eddie’s bedroom.

Only, this wasn’t Eddie’s bedroom.

The walls were covered in posters of bands Eddie’s dad had listened to, the bed wasn’t made, the duvet was black instead of white, there were dirty plates scattered on the floor, and most importantly, there was a naked stranger standing in the middle of the room with comically large headphones on his head, a scandalised expression painted on his face.

“Can I help you?” naked-stranger asked, hands now covering his crotch.

“This isn’t 302”

“It is not”

“This isn’t my room”

“It is not”

“You aren’t … in my room”

“Nope”

“I’m in your room”

“Yup”

“Why am I still talking”

“Now that, I can’t tell ya, short-stack”

“I can’t – I can’t move”

“Too awe-struck?”

“What?”

“Y’know. Surveying the goods. Checking out the merchandise. Other synonyms that mean the same thing, checking me out?”

“Uh”

“That isn’t a no”

At that, Eddie’s brain seemed to kickstart, and he turned on his heel and sprinted down the corridor, naked-stranger’s laugh following him as he ran.

– X –

Three days later and Eddie had almost, almost, stopped thinking about the naked-stranger incident every five seconds. It was now more like every hour or two.

The thing that annoyed Eddie the most about the whole thing was that the naked-stranger was the most attractive person he’d seen for years. Years.

Eddie had been telling Stan about the naked-stranger at work, apron’s tied around their waists and faux-smiles plastered on their faces as they made complicated iced drinks for grumpy students.

“He was … kinda beautiful”

“Really?” Stan asked, pumping caramel syrup into a plastic cup.

“Yeah, he was singing this stupid B-52s song and leaping around like an excitable frog, but he had this hair and … well he also had really nice arms and he was tall and –“

“Was he?”

“Yeah, and he really couldn’t sing for shit but … I could tell that he was probably really funny”

“Funny, you say?”

“Yeah! He called me short-stack though which was fucki– really annoying, but … I could get over that for his arms”

Eddie, who was facing away from the counter cleaning spilt syrup off of a mug by hand because they had hit their mid-afternoon lull, looked up at Stan for the first time since he’d started talking.  

Stan was staring straight past Eddie, trying and failing to not laugh.

Eddie turned around.

“Hello, short-stack”

Naked-stranger was standing directly behind him, leaning on the counter, and beaming. “

“What the fuck” Eddie hissed under his breath, and promptly dropped the mug on the floor.

“So you like my arms do you, sunshine?”

“I can’t breathe”

Stan and naked-stranger were cackling, and Eddie couldn’t breathe.

“Did you know – how did you know it was him?” Eddie directed at Stan, pissily.

“I’ve known Richie for years, and he told me that some short and adorable guy ran into his room a few days ago. I didn’t think much of it until you started talking about running into some tall naked guys room so I texted Richie to let him know that I’d found you”

“So you’re both taking the piss out of me, then”

“No!” naked-stranger – Richie – insisted, trying to reach Eddie’s arm.

Eddie swatted him away, and ripped his apron off, letting it flutter sadly to the floor.

“I’m taking my break”

– X –

Eddie was leaning against the back wall of the coffee shop when Richie appeared.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“You’re an asshole”

“Hmm… kinda regret spending a penny on that, gotta be honest”

“What do you want?”

“Your number” Richie replied breezily, leaning on his side against the wall, looking at Eddie hopefully.

“Why would I give you that?”

“You like my arms”

“I don’t – I – fuck”

“Maybe after a few dates, Eds. I don’t put out that easily”

“I guess you do have nice arms”

“See! I knew these puppies would help me out one day,” Richie affirmed, flexing his biceps.

“So you promise this isn’t all a big joke? That you aren’t gonna stand me up or tell all your friends that you’re planning on tricking the –“

“Hey, ssh. It’s not a joke. When you burst into my room like that, I gotta be honest, I was a little bit surprised but when I heard that the most attractive guy I’ve seen around these here parts still has the hots for me after seeing me in all my naked glory, I couldn’t not do anything about it”

“Who’s the other guy that saw you naked?”

Richie rolled his eyes and shifted on the wall, bumping his shoulder against Eddie’s.

“You gonna gimme your digits then, or what?”

“Maybe”

Eddie pushed himself off the wall, and brushed his hands on his jeans.

“Ask Stan to text you my number”

“Oh, Eddie Spaghetti, you won’t regret this. I’ll wine and dine you real good”

“I’m already regretting it”

[elysiumwaits]

Ely’s Ever-Changing Playlist - Sat. Aug 31st

You can find the playlist on Spotify right here. The Ever-Changing Playlist is best listened to on Shuffle Mode. I plan on updating this playlist every Saturday, and rotating songs out and in with new releases and whatever’s caught my fancy this week.

Feel free to send me music you like, I’m always open to new songs to listen to and I like literally every genre except death metal and polka. (I’m also not a big fan of musical theater, tbh). But like seriously, fuck polka.

This first playlist is a pretty eclectic mix of new releases and not-so-new releases, in a variety of genres. Probably a little heavy on the rock, to be honest, but that’s the mood I’m in this week. You’ll get whiplash, though, ‘cause there’s some good country and pop on here too.

Song list and comments are under the cut!

Scrawny by Wallows - I love self-deprecating but somehow still kind of cocky rock (like Polaroid by Imagine Dragons). They also have that bedroom rock kind of vibe that I love. Plus I love the line “I’m a scrawny motherfucker with a cool hairstyle” and hardcore relate to the line “I say the wrong shit at the right time.”

Wild Roses by Of Monsters and Men - I honestly didn’t know how to feel about the new album for a couple of weeks. They’ve definitely gone for a more pop vibe to their songs - Alligator was catchy but it seems like a lot of the songs on their Fever Dream album just don’t have the same lyrical depth as songs like King and Lionheart or Wolves Without Teeth or Little Talks. It’s a good song - catchy, like I said - but honestly I was hoping for better when I heard a new album was coming out.

Blame It On my Youth by Blink-182 - This may actually be my most highly-anticipated release this year. For one thing, Blame It On My Youth actually sounds like Blink-182, like you could follow it with All the Small Things and there’d be no real musical shift. Which is honestly amazing, considering how much they’ve been through as a band, and of course, the lineup changes. Hoppus still sounds like Hoppus, though, and the music is still that glorious “fuck you, watch this” guitar that kickstarted the whole early 2000s guitar rock (you wouldn’t have FOB without Blink-182, and you can tell in the early FOB albums). I love to see Nine come out on September 20th - Blink-182 is a legendary band in the punk genre and hearing this song felt like coming home. “I was bored to death, so I started a band/ Cut my teeth on the Safety Dance, my attention span never stood a chance.”

Love All Night (Work All Day) by Yola - You know those gentle 70s rock/soul songs? Vaguely influenced by country, definitely influenced by R&B, leave you with a feeling of home and comfort while also kind of inspiring you to go out and work on some social change? It’s definitely got a Memphis rock vibe, but it also really made me want to listen to The Temptations and Creedence Clearwater Revival. The best part about it is that this album came out this year.

Circles by Post Malone - I’m actually a huge Post Malone fan, because I’m a huge Fleetwood Mac fan. You might be wondering how those two things add up. Post Malone cites one of his major influences to be Stevie Nicks, and in fact his vocal (when he sings, instead of rapping) draws a lot from Stevie’s unique vibrato and slurring of the words. Circles captures this beautifully, but if you really want the best that Post Malone has to offer (in the singing department, I’ll fight people over how good Wow. is), you really need to check out his remix and mashup of Fleetwood Mac’s Dreams from his August 26th mixtape. Check it out here. The unfortunate thing is that it can only be found on Youtube or the mixtape app DatPiff.

Drive by The Cars - So this is on the list because Tim McGraw put out a cover, and I usually like Tim McGraw, but Drive is not a song you can make a country cover out of. You can’t do it. Listen to this one instead of the Tim McGraw version, and if you’re really wanting a Tim McGraw fix, Neon Church is good.

Refugee by Melissa Etheridge - Speaking of covers, this is my girl Melissa’s cover of Tom Petty and the Heartbreaker’s Refugee, and frankly, I like it more. She goes hard, is the thing, sings every word like she fuckin’ well means it. That’s the thing about Melissa Etheridge, she is passionate about her music. This cover was released on her greatest hits album in 2005 - fun fact, this album included four new songs total, including I Run for Life, written for others, like Melissa, who have gone through breast cancer. It’s a damn good album, I had to recently buy a new hard copy because I wore the first CD out.

Mornin’s Gonna Come by Brent Cobb - I actually don’t know why this hit the Apple playlists this week, considering it was released on the album Providence Canyon back in 2018. It’s a pretty southern-rock style song, despite the country label, and sounds like a party song right up until you’re listening to the lyrics. Turns out it’s about the fact that everything done in the dark will eventually come to light, whether that’s a hangover or something deeper.

Soon You’ll Get Better by Taylor Swift feat. Dixie Chicks - Okay, listen. I love this song. Hearing Natalie come in on the vocals in the background for the first time since 2006 made me bawl. The Dixie Chicks were the main music of my childhood, I grew up with Wide Open Spaces and Fly. Add in the poignant lyrics about watching someone struggle through illness - Taylor opens up in an article that it’s about her parents’ battles with cancer, but we all take something away from music we listen to and it made me cry because I relate to it from a mental and chronic illness standpoint. 

60 & Punk by Death Cab for Cutie - So, Death Cab actually has a new EP coming out and the new single on it Kids in 99 is pretty good, but I’m still stuck on their album Thank You for Today. I don’t know if it was my stint in the Pacific Northwest that kickstarted my Death Cab love, or if I’m just naturally drawn to their music, but I would argue that Thank You for Today may be their best album. 60 & Punk is sad, honestly, about watching your heroes grow old and give into the world around them. But it’s good.

Reaper Man by Mother Mother - Mother Mother is one of my favorite bands, and Reaper Man is right up there in my self-deprecating-but-cocky genre. Released in 2014, and a staple on my playlists since. 

Head Above Water by Avril Lavigne feat. Travis Clark (of We The Kings) - Okay, raise your hand if you can still sing Complicated or Sk8er Boi from memory, because I sure as hell can. I can also do Check Yes Juliet from memory, because I grabbed it off the free iTunes download back in the day before it ever blew up - I’m a hipster. Anyway, Avril’s surfaced with a frankly marvelous album about growing up, getting divorced, and dealing with the devastating effects of Lyme disease. This is a bonus single - you can find her solo version on the album also titled Head Above Water. 

Hollow by Barns Courtney - There’s really no deep meaning to this one for me, I just really love Barns Courtney and haven’t found something they’ve put out that I didn’t like yet. Catchy and rock and pop, this song makes me want to dance.

Summer Girl by Haim - Everyone I knew back in 2013, in my little pocket of rural America, turned their noses up at Haim. I was like, “Oh my god, they’re amazing!” and my coworkers are like “Why does she sing like that?” It was weird to me because The Wire was named one of the best songs of the year, hit charts all over the place - weird. Anyway, Summer Girl has a super lowkey acoustic vibe, and I love it.

Far From Born Again by Alex Cameron - So Alex Cameron is pretty hit or miss for me - I either hate what he puts out, or I obsess over it. Far From Born Again is an obsess-song, because it’s honest-to-god the best sex worker song I’ve ever heard. Every time a “positive” sex worker song comes out, it’s always something like Porn Star Dancing or Shakin’ Hands or Pay Me. The worker is always over-sexualized and vilified in some way or another, and frankly, it’s exhausting. I like Far From Born Again because it’s super realistic to my experiences - lines like “It ain’t your goddamn business if she does it for pay” and “pays bills while you all still text jerks” and “she’s a woman earning more than a man” - puts the focus where it should be. She’s not some over-sexed nympho doing it for the thrill of it, it’s a job that she’s good at. 

Don’t Call It Love by Quiet Riot - So, literally everyone has heard Cum On Feel the Noize or Metal Health. It’s interesting to see Quiet Riot pop on charts again, especially considering that they haven’t had a founding member of the band in the lineup since 2010. That said, the members currently do include Banali and Wright, who were in the band at the height of Quiet Riot’s success in the mid 80s. Current vocals are done by James Durbin, as the vocalist Kevin DuBrow passed in 2007. Quiet Riot as we know it was revived mostly to celebrate the memory of DuBrow, actually, and on the insistence of DuBrow’s mother.

Last Day Under the Sun by Volbeat - I just really fuckin’ love Volbeat. That unique mix of hard rock and rockabilly, mixed with my frankly inappropriate feelings for Michael Poulson’s voice, gets me every time. I was drawn in by Lola Montez and here we are today.

All Apologies - Live & Loud by Nirvana - So this live album was actually released in 2013, and just popped up on my feed because it was just put onto Apple Music, which is where I get all my music from. You can also watch the whole concert for free, which I can’t bring myself to do yet. Nirvana is my favorite band of all time - literally of all time - and All Apologies has the ability to bring me to tears. I actually have “All in All is All We Are” tattooed on my back. Vinyl is coming out, concert is up, go live your grunge baby dreams with me.

Black Hole Sun (Live from The Artists’ Den) by Soundgarden - So this is a recent release of their 2013 Artist’s Den concert. It’s a bittersweet release for the band, who decided earlier this year to disband after the death of Chris Cornell, following their only concert without him. They chose to release the live album because they remember how much fun Chris had that night, according to a Spin article. Of the major original Seattle grunge bands, that means that only a few remain - Alice in Chains lost Layne Staley, Nirvana lost Kurt Cobain, and Soundgarden lost Chris Cornell. Pearl Jam is still going strong, though. (Technically Alice in Chains is still active, but DuVall has nothing on Staley). 

Can You Feel It? by White Eskimo - Okay, so following all that rock trivia, I was absolutely floored when I found out that White Eskimo had recent music... because I only know them as the band that Harry Styles was in before One Direction. Anyway, it’s a pretty catchy pop-punk song, I dig it. I love that the first actual info I found about them, with current news, was on the Harry Styles wiki. 

Lullaby by Kalie Shorr - Here’s that whiplash again, how about some country? Brand new country, even. I have a bone to pick with country lately about how it all sounds like pop with exaggerated accents and how that pisses me off, but I like the acoustic vibe Kalie Shorr has going on. It’s that good old country song about loving someone you shouldn’t and then letting them go. She honestly reminds me a lot of Sunny Sweeney.

Tennessee Whiskey (Live from City Winery Nashville) by Sara Evans and Olivia Barker - This is a classic country song, written for a half-drunk slow dance with your sweetie at the dive bar (which is honestly the best way to hear it, not gonna lie). The best version is the without a doubt Chris Stapleton’s cover, and this cover is a cover of that cover, but if you want to go back, it was originally recorded by country great David Allan Coe - of “You Never Even Called Me By My Name” fame if you do the bar circuit like I do. It was also recorded by George Jones in the 80s, and then a bunch of other people. There’s a reason Sara Evans is a modern country great.

The Chain (from The Kitchen) by the Highwomen - I got a lot of bones to pick with the Highwomen - I don’t like them and I’m not afraid to say it. I think it comes from the fact that The Highwaymen was created by the pioneers of outlaw country, who were pretty much on the outskirts of country music due to their lifestyles and other factors. The Highwomen have good sound and good writing, but they’re all pretty mainstream, and they should have chosen a different name. Anyway. This is a good country cover. 

The Daughters by Little Big Town - I like this song because it tackles a lot of issues still prevalent in societies in country and rural areas, primarily feminism. A lot of people don’t realize that out here in the sticks, the gender norms are alive and well - if you don’t have a kid by 21 and you’re a girl, you’re out of the norm and you’re gonna die alone. You get a lot of women who get married young, then spend their lives cooking and cleaning and never thinking about anything more because this is all they know, this is what their mothers did. The song goes over the delicate balance a woman plays down here - you have to be strong but not too strong, and you have to “know your place.”

The Louvre by Lorde - I wasn’t a fan of Lorde’s second album at first, because I was very much stuck in the sound of the first. It’s growing on me. 

Remember the Name by Ed Sheeran, Eminem, and 50 Cent - So I’m a big fan of Ed Sheeran, and my mom loves Eminem and 50 Cent. I like some Eminem, and some 50 Cent, but overall I’m not a fan of rap. What I like about this song is that it sounds like an early Eminem a la “The Real Slim Shady” so it’s catchy and easy for my audio processing issues to follow. I also just dig cocky songs.

20 Something by SZA - I started listening to SZA when my brother sent me the DJ Khaled song Just Us that featured her vocal. I love her voice and lyrics, and also the fact that my little bro relates so much to a lot of her music that it sometimes makes him cry (apparently Just Us made him cry). 20 Something is my favorite off her debut album - I mean, everyone I know is a 20-something right now, and the lyrics hit home.

[real-fakedoors]

You must have gotten this question a lot but... how did you get the idea for star-crossed? And how’d you develop the world? I was really inspired by how you detailed your story to create such an amazing image for us readers of the world; especially when it got down to politics, the watches, characterizations and the planets-turned-countries. I’m currently writing (or trying to write) a book of my own, and I’ve been struggling with how to incorporate those kind of details. Do you have any advice?

hello & thank you for the ask! what a wonderful question, and an even more glowing compliment!! my heart is so full :,)

it’s a mixture of a few things, and I’m happy to break it down further if you’d like, but allow me to lay out my basic approach to writing in general & this fic specifically. I’ll try to address each question the best I can!

1. Ideas born from ideas

Music - I’m one of those people who draw on other sources of inspiration – especially music. All three of my most popular stories were at least first thought of by songs. (star-crossed was inspired by Constellations by The Oh Hellos).

Reference material/research - I’ve tried to be as explicit as possible in star-crossed when I describe/utilize the design of another creator for the basis of my work (like all of Lance’s pretty outfits), but in general, having reference material is the MOST IMPORTANT thing. I’ve done a ton of research on medieval culture, cuisine, buildings, and courts. A good example of this is from Chapter 16: The Prisoner’s Dilemma, I had no freakin’ idea how to describe a battlement, or what that even was – hence me googling “what is the top of a castle wall called” > they’re called battlements, got it! > google image, battelments 

There, I found this:

and from that, I wrote this:

Quietly, they climbed until the highest reaches opened around them, a large plane of dark stone, stained by ombre rust to near-black on opposing ends of the terrace. A very small amount of snow had gathered, but most of it had blown away in the wind –  some small catches had gathered in pockets of shade, where the perimeter wall was buttressed by columns of scaffolding that each came to a point. They were massive structures, like stone arrows pointing towards the heavens; vaguely, Lance remembered one of his mother’s stories about a fletcher’s workshop for the gods; the sweep magnificence of the architecture, certainly lent itself to a sense of the divine and otherworldly greatness.

Linear plot - In terms of figuring out what I want to accomplish in the story, and in the chapters, I quite literally depend on my notes. I tend to get over-eager and want to do a lot in one chapter, so I force myself to map things out in accordance to time rather than events, and that helps me maintain something of a regular pace.

There are a few things I knew I had to have happen in the story, and some of it filled in naturally as I began writing. Here’s a picture of my office from the week I began writing star-crossed.

(the text on the sticky notes doesn’t really matter; but pink are plot points and yellow are narrative themes)

If you squint – an example – Tuesday was supposed to be the day of the bombing, originally. All of the tension and build up and worries about the murder plot were never actually going to happen, as it was going to be wrong-place/wrong-time as a bomb went off in the city. Lance was always intended to get caught up in it instead of Keith as the target, but that obviously didn’t end up happening.

Why? As I wrote the beginning chapters, I had to remind myself that Keith is the Prince of Marmora, of which their expertise is spy networks and information. It didn’t seem feasible to me that such a large scale attack could occur in Marmora without the Blade knowing about it, which is why the attention ended up shifting towards the ball specifically.

Prompts - I am also of the belief that there is no reason to reinvent the wheel. There are wonderful, wonderful authors and writers out there who generate material specifically designed to help writers kickstart ideas; I collected a huge Google Doc of these when I first started star-crossed just to keep my head in accordance with the right themes. Rarely do I use a prompt word-for-word because they never really fit exactly what I’m writing, but the tone of the language often helps me in moments when I’m stuck. Here’s a sampling (and I am sorry, I didn’t think to mark the original blogs I took these from:

“The world was in flames. People were in need of laughter.”

“The world was in flames” helped me to derive some of the terrible disaster that came on the third night of the ball. I just really like that visual, so much orange and red light, and the unbearable heat.

“You can feel the world blooming and withering around you while you’re in prison.”

This sort of… live-and-die, questioning mortality thing, while in “prison” helped me to build Lance’s internal monologue while he was in the cellar.

“If I ignored destiny, so can you.”

Because Klance.

“I was waiting for a chance to ask you to dance with me, but you were gone.”

A knife-twist of how, though this was loosely inspired by the premise of Cinderella, Keith only got to ask Lance to dance twice over the course of three days – in part because Lance was always gone or with someone else, but also because Keith was equally tied up in the expectation that he was to dance with anyone who asked him.

The watches - That was my hope of tying in the paladin’s bayard. It was theoretically impossible to have a magical weapon appear in the hands of four teenagers and an adult without it raising many conspicuous questions, so I needed something a little more subtle. There’s still some… [redacted] about time that has to [redacted] before [redacted] can [redacted], so I can’t say much more than that. :,)

Pomp, Circumstance & Politics (oh my!) - okay, sorry, I couldn’t resist. heh. but, yeah, I don’t know if I can point to one specific thing in particular that gave rise to the political quagmire of this story. It’s definitely been inspired by an array of existing media – Downton Abbey certainly helped shape the “upper class” vs. “lower class” treatment. I also really enjoy historical readings. fiction or nonfiction, pertaining to wars: Ken Burn’s Vietnam War, for instance, helped remind me of the massive impact the decisions of few can have on the many. Whether or not you support a war, or a policy in Marmora’s case, can have devastating after-effects for the people beneath you. Keith and Krolia happen to be very conscious of this. But even so, there will always be a level of detachment from their view of the “many” (in which Lance, Hunk and Pidge fall), and this is never so apparent as when things are told from Lance’s POV. He’s just another person. He’s just one person. One of the hundred of thousands that would be effected by the daily decisions of Keith or Krolia, and it is that constant tension between “big picture” and “small picture” that I try to draw out in the on-going struggles had by the characters.

2. For me, the character’s are the world. 

That’s not me being poetic or anything – let me explain.

Imagine this: Suppose there is a person who has been devoid of all of their senses, all of their life – no touch, no smell, no hearing – nothing. Then suppose, one day, they are shaken from this catatonic state for the first time. Their senses now free, how would they experience this scene I am writing? What is so prevailing to the senses that it demands to be included in the narrative?

That is how I write my my worlds, at least descriptively. I try to pick out a few key things someone wouldn’t be able to help but notice.

This is great for characterization, too, because I can tweak the premise of the “feelingless individual” to suit how I imagine my characters. 

Keith, for example, from star-crossed – a few things I keep in mind when writing him: he is constantly frustrated by his inability to act on his impulses, so when he does it is extra satisfying. He’s keenly aware of the mannerism of others because of his upbringing in the court – if they have a weapon on their hip, for instance, is something he would notice in a heartbeat.

There were certain ticks to look for in a person trying to get too close: the ways their eyes moved, where their hands sat, what sort of clothing they wore. Was it something trim and fitted to make for an easy escape, or something bulky with a dozen pockets to hide any manner of weapon? Were those chemical burns on their hands from working with unstable materials? Did they look restless, liked they’d been up all night debating with themselves to go through with such a monumental act?

Maybe it was just learned paranoia, but these were the small enough traits that most people wouldn’t notice.

Keith, however, was trained to notice.

Lance, on the other hand, is a little more indulgent but easily overwhelmed; he has been restricted his whole life, so he indulges often and easily, but that puts him in a vulnerable position that can (and has) left him open to being hurt by the world around him. He’s one who is going to notice the weather, the quality of the air, because those were things that held meaning to him when he lived in the mountains – he’s one to fixate on his own mistakes, because he’s used to them being pointed out to him.

Lotor wanted to take off his mask so it was one less thing getting in the way, an obstruction to peeling back Lance’s sense of self, his ideas and interests and beliefs balled up in and thrown in a bin, along with his name and his past, so that he could be some fucked up little prize for the guy’s own enjoyment.

The fucking betrayal of his own body, too. The flushed cheeks, the friction of his hips over Lotor’s… ugh. It wasn’t —  he didn’t want it, it didn’t feel good, but the physical sensation was demanding and his body literally could not do anything but respond, and the memory of that alone was enough to have him clutching his head between his knees, legs drawn up to his chest.

Why was this so confusing? It shouldn’t be, and that only made Lance more frustrated. Lotor was a selfish asshole who tried to use his title to his advantage and force Lance to do things he didn’t want to do. Lance had even succeeded in pushing him away and standing up for himself, but the triumph was bittersweet.

This mindset was especially critical when writing Chapter 14: Twenty-Six Hours, because it was the first time we delved into the consciousnesses of the other characters! (I’m just really happy with the way that one turned out *sob*)

Also, a note on villany: I really dislike one dimensional villains. I prefer when my evil comes with a healthy dose of “fuck I sort of agree with that… to an extent?”

Which is why writing Lotor’s big monologue in Chapter 16: The Prisoner’s Dileema was such a challenge. I had to make his treatment of Lance seem, in some fucked up version of reality, justifiable. Because really, Lotor is a product of circumstance; he was raised with his beliefs of the poor and especially of someone of Lance’s “status,” and was acting in such a way that reflected that up-bringing. Now, Keith was raised in similar circumstances and isn’t a huge piece of shit, so there’s no excuse for Lotor’s behavior – but it’s at least logical. You can imagine buying an ox that’s for sale at the market, and then using said ox to plow your fields; we don’t see that as cruel or as mistreatment. Lotor sees Lance as little more than that, and so, in giving him lots of attention and “validation” (something that we know canon-Lotor was unfortunately lacking), it stands to reason that he was in fact trying to be kind to Lance, to treat him with a warped sense of respect.

…okay, that’s all for now! I really hope this helps and wasn’t too long-winded, like everything I do. you’ve effectively made my morning, anon, and I hope you have a wonderful day. my best wishes and luck to you while writing you story! 

[adastreia-12]

tag frankenstein

I was tagged by @darkside-cookies thanks dear, i decided to do the ones that weren’t repeated and also english cause i’m me

nickname: i’m pretty partial to nicknames, have a bunch of them, don’t really care which one people use to call me but the most common one is Ele with like. the accent on the second e. sounds like elè. i use my full name tho.

gender: female 

astrological sign: saggitarius baby

height: 1,60

hogwarts house: hufflepuff *peace sign*

favourite animal: felines in general, love me some cats

number of blankets: i don’t do blankets, i do quilts. all year long. during the winter it’s not enough and I add a wool blanket, during the summer i just blast my AC to achieve proper conditions so I can keep my quilt

dream trip: save up, go backpacking around the world for a year, ideally with my boyfriend (and that’s why we call it a dream people)

where i’m from: greece

when i created this blog: 2016, not long after vld came out

why i created this blog: i had a personal blog when voltron came out summer 2016 so i made this one as voltron blog, it worked for the first few seasons, then i liked my dashboard here more and stopped using the old one, made this one my personal when i stopped being into voltron

time: 13:10

favourite band/artist: i’m going through a kpop phase and really loving ATEEZ these days

song stuck in my head: Joji- SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK

last movie i saw: uuhh... i don’t remember actually, i’ve been binging series instead. last series i watched was mr. iglesias on netflix, check it out it’s nice wholesome comedy about a teacher who believes in his students and does everything in his power to help them succeed

last thing i googled: quilt μετάφραση cause my bilingual ass needed to be sure quilt meant the greek equivalent

other blogs: @sing-to-me-muse is my writeblr that is more of an archive rn since i,,, don’t write that much (soon to change hopefully) and a bookblr that i haven’t kickstarted yet but have created and it’s on hold for now

do i get asks?: nope, just from one (1) friend tho i wouldn’t mind more

why this username?: haa well the thing is this username is kinda a result of my fucked up reading skills and the need for a permanent name across platforms. so yeah, my previous username was hagane-no-shiro (god that was a goddamn smart username, i still mourn it sometimes) while i was a voltron blog but after some time i wanted to make it a personal blog and was brainstorming for a username when i talked with my uncle who’s a gamer and he told me that he uses the name proteus across his online gaming accounts to stay consistent and i was like aha, this is what i need and i went on a list of female ancient greek names. one of them was adrasteia and i liked it the most. however, i read it as adastreia instead, and ended up liking the misread version better so i went with that. 12 is my favorite number so when the username adastreia alone wasn’t available i slapped a 12 at the end and voila. adastreia-12

(sidenote: apparently adastreia is one of the canon versions of this name which is cute, there is also a band called that, and adastreia was a nymph so that’s cool)

following: 250

average amount of sleep: about 6 hours. i don’t sleep well.

lucky number: don’t have one

what am I wearing: black pants, purple t-shirt

dream job: professional author, or you know, a formless blob in the great abyss that is not concerned with earthly bullshit

instruments i play: does coming to contact with a guitar for 2 years and a piano for a semester count

eye colour: hazel

hair colour: dark brown at the roots and sides, various shades of pink after a certain point, mostly a cold, pastel pink rn

aesthetic: i’ve answered this aesthetic thing before with a whole ass paragraph listing things so this time i want you to picture this: a quiet beach with no one else other than yourself, the sky is grey with clouds decorating it, there is a pleasant but strong wind blowing on you as you sit on the rocks near the sea with shorts and a hoodie on. you are not cold, you are not hot. the waves are crashing rhythmically on the sand and your favorite songs are playing without headphones so you can listen to both at the same time. you are alone. you are calm. you are a child of nature and she has welcomed you back in her arms. the world and its depravity cannot reach you now.

languages i speak: greek, english, veeeery basic italian

most iconic song: ac/dc either back in black or highway to hell, yes that is cliche but it is also the hill i will die on like mf braveheart.

random fact: remember that quilt I use year long? yeah my mom took it away from me for the summer and hid it and i will not forgive her that.

Music tag! Write 10 songs you’re obsessed with and tag 10 people to do the same 

Joji- SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK

ATEEZ- Illusion

Blackbear- idfc

Treasure Planet OST- I’m Still Here (Jim’s Theme)

Moana OST- I Am Moana

K.A.R.D.- Rumor

The Neighborhood- Daddy Issues

Sara Skinner- Bring Home the Glory

Ruelle- Madness

The Unlikely Candidates- Novocaine

Bonus songs: The Unlikely Candidates- Violence & Bastille- Blame

I don’t know enough people to tag tbh, that haven’t been tagged that is so whoever feels like doing this by all means go ahead

[oh-god-theres-6]

In a party/concert/live concert the sound is so loud!! Matsuno and s/o were having a good time, but then Totoko was getting too close to him. Awfully close. It was annoying them! They tried to tell something but the music was too loud!! Suddenly the music stop; just in time, when s/o pulls Matsuno away from Totoko and yells out loud. "LEAVE MY BOYFRIEND ALONE!!! HE'S MINE!!!" Every body looks at them. s/o is embarashed. Matsuno's reaction?

hope it wasn’t P!ATD or Urie is gonna bully you.Oso: Thank god this is the guy that’s relatively able to handle stressful situations. He stays shocked for maybe a few seconds before he chuckles and looks over at his s/o just mouthing, “You wanna get out of here?” Outside he wouldn’t really confront them about the outburst, just offer to take them to get a drink and let the night finish off on a quieter note. He’s still smiling, surprisingly, and he makes a passing comment on the fresh air. He also doesn’t hide that, as Totoko peeks out of the exit, he pulls his s/o closer by the hip, just to make that extra little point as they walk toward a nearby bar for a more entertaining night, and a much less crowded one as well.

Kara: Shock could not even begin to describe what he feels, it’s a feeling of dread for the awkwardness that has fallen over the social and confusion for why his lovely angel would scream so violently at Totoko. That aside, he’s far more than just impressed at the whole situation, no this boy is so fucking flattered that you would do this just for him of all people. It take him a second to hush his overactive mind and calm down. Eventually he tries to lead you away with smiles and soft coos about how much he loves you and how you are his and he is yours. Even when you’re out of the crowd he continues these soft words, hoping they’ll help you in some way.

Choro: Help him please dear god this boy is not doing well. For one he has frozen up and can no longer really hear anything that’s going on as he has gone back into his primal state of breathing and blinking being all he can handle. It would take him a bit to fully come around to his senses but his first instinct after everything is to get him and his S/O out of there before anything more happened. So that’s what he’d do, he’d take them by the hand and get them out of there. He wouldn’t talk about it or ask about it, but part of him is kinda impressed about what just happened, and you can see it in the shy smile he shares once you two are out of sight.

Ichi: Help, help. Ichi.exe has stopped working and he doesn’t know how to think. He’s not even the biggest fan of concerts and he didn’t at all plan to have Totoko show up and yet he had a rather pissed s/o, an also pissed Totoko, and a large crowd waiting for a response he wasn’t sure he could muster to give. Why was the world so cruel? He would be panicking and it would be very obvious but he’d find the courage to slip through the crowd, grabbing his s/o’s wrist so they could follow him. He wouldn’t say anything and make sure they got home pretty quick. As for the fight, he only hopes his s/o can understand where the calm touch of his fingers to theirs is coming from, and if not, he makes sure that on the walk home he tells them he loves them. There’s enough understanding there that both parties understand what it means.

Jyushi: “Hah…What?” Jyushi mirrors the shocked, awed, and outright confused stares of the audience members around him. His gaze shoots between his s/o and Totoko a few times and he looks up to the stage just kind of waiting for the next song to play but now the band members are starting to make a few jokes. Does he leave? No! This concert was meant to be fun! Instead, he takes the better decision, pushing through the crowd with his s/o held close behind until they’re so close to the stage he could touch it if he held his arms out enough. An excited stare up to the stage seemed to kickstart the next song and in the sea of noise and dancing bodies, he made sure to get his s/o pumped up for the concert. As for the interruption, he didn’t really know how to deal with it straight off, but he’d make sure to give his s/o all of his attention that night, which is easier when Totoko is left behind in the crowd.

Totty: His first reaction is to immediately shush his s/o, not for their outburst, but for the attention, it called on him. Being the spin doctor he is, he most likely tries to find an easy way out of the situation, which is most likely turning the situation in Totoko and trying to find an area of the room where no one is staring anymore. He paid good money for this so like hell he’s leaving. He will, however, suddenly change from socially mortified to flattered and coy as soon as him and his s/o are more isolated. He asks them exactly how territorial they plan to be over him and he will not stop teasing them for the entire night, sometimes playfully pointing out other people and asking if his s/o would yell at them for looking at him. It’s less to make fun of them and more to boost his ego. Don’t boost it. Please.

[flyba3]

What's your name?

A/N: OHHHHH IM SO HAPPY…this is my first request, and S/O to Melaninstoryteller cause she’s sooo dope and she pitched me this request :3) luv u <3

Request / Summary: Can you write a fic about Christian Yu walking Lori, and he lets go of her leash. Then Y/N finds her, and she starts talking to Christian.

Genre: fluff

Pairing: Christian Yu x Y/N

Word Count: 1037

Of all days you can’t find your keys, it’s today. This week you promised yourself that you would get back on track with your ‘healthy lifestyle’ goals, and you wanted to kickstart your week with a jog. Today you’re especially pumped to go on a jog because the weather’s nice. Usually, the weather in Gangnam starts to hit the warmer temps of fall around this time which is perfect for you, but more importantly; you just got this dope ass workout apparel from Victoria’s Secret! Today, you decided to sport a pair of marble print hot shorts, a fleece v-back sweatshirt, and a white pair of Nike Roshe Ones. Every once in awhile, you would get distracted from looking for keys because you were to busy looking in the mirror. You were distracted because that outfit made you look extra thick, but since you were single; you were the only one who could appreciate the thickness.

“Shit, they were right here the whole time,” you say aloud when you find your keys lying on the counter behind your purse.

After a good 10 minute walk to the park, you decide to get your workout playlist ready for when you start to pick up the pace. This playlist consisted of a nice mixture of Korean and American artist, but DPR Live, one of your favorite artists, played a heavy presence in this mix. The park was relatively empty today, but there were still a few sightings of couples picnicking, ajusshi’s feeding fish at the pond, and cute small families playing together. Other than that, there were rarely any distractions. Once you hit the mile mark, you noticed that you’ve been jogging for about 15 minutes. Now, was about time for a water break and a quick stretching session. But before you could find a clear and open grassy area to do stretches, your favorite song came on, “Please” by DPR Live, so you had to take a moment to have a mini dance session. While you were in the middle of rapping the 2nd verse, you felt a soft and furry creature rub against your leg. As you looked down, you prayed it wasn’t a squirrel that rubbed against you, but you were pleased to be greeted by a Mini Pinscher laying on the grass looking up a you.

As you smiled back at the Mini Pin, you bent down to read her name tag, “Lori… you’re too cute to be left alone, and your owner must be crazy to leave you alone“.

You looked around to see if you noticed anyone nearby, but no one seemed to be looking for anything. Instead of looking for her owner, you decided to stay there for awhile and play together because you figured her owner would eventually show up calling her name. While you were in the middle of scratching Lori’s belly, you noticed her ears start to twitch as if something caught her attention.

“Loriiiiiii,” you heard a deep voice with an aussie accent yell.

When you turned around you saw a tall heavily tatted man wearing a black graphic t-shirt and a pair of gray Nike shorts with a man bun on his head. Your first impression of the man made your cheeks heat up because you suddenly felt overwhelmingly aware of how your ass looked. As you stood up, Lori started yapping aggressively in a cute manner which caught the man’s attention. Once he spotted the two of you, he rushed over and picked up Lori; then he greeted you.

“Lori, why did you run away from me?” You saw the man hug her tightly as he stood next to you. His arms appeared to be well built, and his tattoos seemed to intensify the effect they had on you. Suddenly, you felt slightly envious of Lori because of the care he seemed to show her as he embraced her.

“But it looks like you’ve found a pretty lady. A lady so pretty that I must take on a date.”

“And what might be the name of this mystery man who wants to take me on a date?”

You ask in a slightly flirtatious tone.

“Christian… but you can call me Ian. And maybe later you’ll call me your boyfriend.” He responds in an equally flirtatious tone, reaching in his pocket for his phone.

“Well, Ian you can call me Y/N, but what if I told you I already had someone to call mine?” Of course you wouldn’t reject his offer, but you just couldn’t pass up the offer of messing with him a bit. To you, this guy seemed to good to be true with his looks and all, so by now you’ve dubbed him a fuck boy.

“I guess I’d ask Lori why she would steal this pretty lady from me. My guess is that it’s because you two get along well, and my guess for that would be that you have a dog of your own at home.” Christian says as he runs his hand through his hair.

“Unfortunately, I don’t have a dog of my own. But lucky for you, I wouldn’t mind bringing Lori home. You, on the other hand, are another issue, and I guess it could be solved if I go on a date or two with you.” The amount of confidence you showed made you so proud of yourself, and you could tell it had an affect on Ian by the way he was biting his lip.

After a few more minutes of talking and exchanging contact info, you and Ian decided on a date at the zoo. Ian offered to walk you home, and on you way back you two did a bit of small talk. While you were chatting Christian tried to sweet talk you.

“You know I could buy you any animal you want.” He said as you two approached the front door to your condo. He looked at you in a relax manner, yet he still seem to anticipate what you would say next.

“Why would I want them if I got you?” You told Ian as you pecked him on his lips after unlocking your door and gently shutting it in his face.    

[saegusakin]

Here’s my RockStar/Roquill/Pocket playlist! I use this playlist for inspiration a lot~

I’ve got my reasons for picking each song under the cut.

1. i’m not in love by 10cc straight from the movie, obviously. fits the mood at first - they’re unsure of each other, and almost in denial in a sense. this is more quill feeling denial, honestly - very soft denial of ‘nah, couldn’t happen’ 

2. i won’t say i’m in love from hercules now in comparison, here’s rocket’s denial. over the top, loud, bombastic screaming of ‘i don’t fall in love’ followed by quietly admitting to himself that maybe it’s okay to fall for someone - that someone being quill - but only admits it to himself in private. plus, god, is it fun to imagine groot as the muses and rocket as meg. 

3. the chain by fleetwood mac straight from the movies once more. this song is really about a struggling relationship and that’s how quill and rocket’s relationship is in the second movie. looking at the second movie from a shipping perspective, it’s kickstarted by rocket stealing the batteries - which he doesn’t need, it’s repeatedly said he doesn’t need them. he did it so quill would pay attention to him instead of gamora. he was jealous. hence the struggle. but they make it through.

4. troublemaker by olly murs & flo rida ‘troublemaker’ is probably one of the best words you can use to describe rocket. and with all the shit he gets everyone else into? oh yeah. this fits. but quill is definitely getting attached to him anyway, even with all the shenanigans he causes.

5. sleeping with a friend by neon trees do i have to explain this one? look at the title. but i can imagine this is more ‘quill’s first thoughts when starting this whole thing with rocket’: he’s not sure what it entirely is, they’re friends, but they’re clearly something else. ‘and if it was all up to me - i’d be no trouble. hell, we’re in trouble!’ and even if he’s really getting attached to rocket despite himself, he has no idea how rocket can and will feel, so he’s ‘if my heart’s gonna break before the night ends’

6. collar full by panic! at the disco in contrast, here’s rocket’s feelings on the situation at that point - he’s the one who ultimately fell first and fell hardest, and now that it’s requited he’s just clutching to it as much as he can and lingering in the feeling - ‘before the world catches up, because there’s always time for second guesses, i don’t wanna know, if you’re gonna be the death of me, that’s how i wanna go.’ he’s not sure how long it’ll last either but god is he relishing in it.

7. take me to church (cover) by postmodern jukebox rocket’s feelings again. it’s pure and simple truth that rocker really doesn’t like himself, so in a relationship he really does see his partner as the world. (not that quill won’t constantly tell him otherwise, no, bad, he’s no better than him. stop it.) of course, quill’s greatest goal is for him to eventually get rocket to love himself too but that’s a long-term one. the words ‘only then i am human’ particularly strike a chord because that’s a major shame point for rocket.

8. fooled around and fell in love by elvin bishop once more from the movies. this is more of a ‘they finally ease into the relationship’ song. i know it was used for the canon ship in the movies but shhh. stealing it. it’s a nice song that can show them accepting their feelings despite never really intending to have any in the first place - or expect it at all.

9. you’re the only one by maria mena OKAY THIS SONG. this song is the de facto ‘rocket’s feelings for quill’ song. try to find me a better one. i’ll wait. you can’t. every line pretty much fits - the one that hits the hardest sums rocket up entirely: there’s a part of me that likes to bring you down just to keep you around, because the day you realize how amazing you are, you’re gonna leave me. that’s his worst fear, that’s his walls crashing down entirely, that’s the ‘i never want to let you go’ moment of it all being out in the open and ugh. it’s so cute. slay me with this song and roquill. slay me.

10. come and get your love by redbone another from the movies. quill’s anthem, honestly - this is the song that best represents him, and it’s a return to form. he’s with rocket, he’s happy, everything’s okay! everything’s normal! 

11. finesse by bruno mars quill’s confidence gets the better of him sometimes, even when rocket doesn’t expect it. quill completely falling for someone most likely means ‘yep, i’m great, he’s great, there’s nothing to be ashamed of bc we’re the best couple in the whole world and that’s not gonna change anytime soon’. 

12. moves like jagger by maroon 5 and christina aguilera predictably, this is quill’s confidence showing itself again....only for rocket to immediately match it. which is ultimately something that drives them closer together. he’s got the moves like jagger, okay? rocket you’re stuck with the girl part, sorry, but that means blatant hitting on quill which is A+++

13. shut up and dance by walk the moon see above, really. another song about quill, dancing, and rocket joining in. there are two types of people, people who dance, and people who don’t, and whoops, they’re both dancers.

14. classic by mkto ‘baby, you’re so classic’ is probably one of the highest compliments in the peter quill flirtation handbook, and yep, rocket is slowly becoming part of his life, joining the things he loves,they both know each other so well by this point

15. shut up and drive by rihanna ok. i’m gonna be entirely honest. this is the ‘quill has successfully fired up his rocket....if you get what i mean’ song. this is it. this is the one. reeeeeed rocket~ moving on.

16. style by taylor swift okay maybe not quite yet we move on. more a sign that they definitely do still have their disagreements, but they know each and every time it’s going to end up with them together again - they never go out of style. i don’t take the ‘you’ve been out and about with some other girl’ line as cheating in this song obvs XD more of a shady reference to gamora....and then lylla in turn. ye. shh. it’s a good relationship.

17. can’t take my eyes off you by frankie valli there was a tumblr post where it was said ‘imagine your otp slow-dancing to this song together’ and whoops, i roquill’d, now it’s not gonna stop. this is totally a song that quill would use on a quiet, romantic night to just be close to his partner and rocket will call him a huge dork for it but at the end of the day he’s still going along with it and smiling softly and thinking that he’s a huge dork, yeah, but he’s his dork, he wouldn’t have it any other way

18. good together by the runaway club this is a lot of quill and rocket’s relationship: ‘don’t do this.’ ‘i’m gonna do it anyway.’ ‘i kinda knew you were gonna.’ ‘that’s why we’re together.’ ‘yep, i’m the only one guaranteed to always put up with your shit.’ ‘damn straight.’ ‘we’re not straight.’ ‘shut up.’ (also: ‘that’s fine!’ ‘fine!’ ‘i love you!’ ‘i love you too!’ ‘that’s the first time we’ve said that!’ ‘yes it is!’ ‘i’m gonna kiss you!’ ‘well, you better!’ that’s them. that’s exactly them.)

19. for him. by troye sivan and allday another really good song for them. ‘ad we take jokes way too far. and sometimes living’s too hard. we’re like two halves of one heart. we are, we are, we are.’ there’s a good amount of fitting lyrics and i like the mental image of rocket getting a burst of confidence and going ‘we can get married tonight if you really wanna, if you break my heart, it’d be an honor’, quill adores those bursts of confidence

20. son of a preacher man by aretha franklin another song about how surprised rocket is that he fell for quill, and that he’s pretty much the only guy he’d ever fall for. it’s a classic.

the rest are mostly love classics, but a lot were based on meaning~

[utopians]

Are you bored or something? It cost 0 dollars not to bother people about what they ship. It has nothing to do with you, so get a hobby

American Psycho

(musical)From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

American Psycho: The Musical

American Psycho is a musical with music and lyrics by Duncan Sheik and a book by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa. It is based on the controversial 1991 novel American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis,[1] which also inspired a 2000 film of the same name, which starred Christian Bale. Set in Manhattan during the Wall Street boom of the late 1980s, American Psycho is about the daily life of Patrick Bateman, a wealthy young investment banker who is also a serial killer.

The musical received its world premiere at London’s Almeida Theatre in 2013, directed by Rupert Goold and starred Doctor Who actor Matt Smith. A Broadway production began preview performances on 24 March 2016, at the Gerald Schoenfeld Theatre, directed by Goold and starring Benjamin Walker as Patrick Bateman.

Contents

1Background

2Plot

3Production history

4Musical numbers

5Principal roles and cast members

6Critical reception

7Awards and nominations

8References

9External links

4.1London

4.2Broadway

Background[edit]

The basis of the musical is the 1991 novel American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis.[2][3] In 2008, producers David Johnson, Jesse Singer, Nate Bolotin and Aaron Ray purchased the stage rights[4] and were developing a musical adaptation of the novel to appear on Broadway.[5] In 2010, it was revealed that the project had rounded out the key elements. Duncan Sheik, who won a Grammy and two Tony Awards for writing the songs in the Broadway hit Spring Awakening, and playwright Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa had completed the first act.[6][7] A workshop took place in Manhattan in 2011, with Benjamin Walker playing the lead role of Patrick Bateman.[8] In April 2012, it was announced that London theatre company Headlong would stage the musical’s world premiere[9] during their 2012-13 season.[10] At the same time a Kickstarter campaign was launched to raise $150,000,[11] to allow them to have a live orchestra and extend the rehearsal period for the production to seven weeks.[12]

Plot[edit]

From the 2016 Broadway production

Act I

Patrick Bateman is a 26-year-old investment banker living in New York City at the end of the 1980s. As the show begins, Bateman documents his morning routine, which involves fastidious grooming, tanning and carefully selecting a designer suit, before travelling to Wall Street (“Opening (Morning Routine)”/“Selling Out”). He arrives at Pierce & Pierce, the elite bank for which he works, and is greeted by his doting secretary, Jean (“Everybody Wants to Rule the World”). He anxiously enquires about the Fisher account, an exclusive account that is highly sought after by Patrick and his colleagues. Later, Patrick has lunch with his coworkers, Tim Price, Craig McDermott, Luis Carruthers and David Van Patten. They exchange fashion tips and critique restaurants before another colleague, Paul Owen, enters. Patrick learns that Owen has secured the Fisher account as well as reservations at Dorsia, New York’s most exclusive new restaurant. Absurdly jealous, Patrick attempts to save face by showing everyone his new business card, which leads Owen to show his (“Cards”). Owen mistakes Patrick as Marcus Halberstam, another coworker of Bateman’s. Patrick then invites him to his birthday dinner, thrown by his girlfriend Evelyn Williams and Courtney Lawrence, her best friend and Luis Carruthers’ girlfriend. Patrick calls Evelyn, telling her about Owen coming to the party. Evelyn hates the idea of having an odd number at her table, so Patrick also invites Jean to appease her (“You Are What You Wear”).

Patrick and Price arrive at Evelyn’s townhouse late, which irritates Evelyn. Over dinner, the party blandly pontificate about social and political issues, such as homelessness, gentrification and the Sri Lankan Civil War. Patrick makes a scene by butchering his birthday cake with a huge knife he is carrying. After dinner, Patrick and Price go to a club, where they dance and snort cocaine (“True Faith”/“Killing Time”). Suddenly overcome with despair and an awareness of the hollowness of his existence, Patrick leaves the club and angrily vows to never go clubbing again (“In The Air Tonight”). Patrick meets a homeless man on the street, offering him money before taunting him and killing him.

At the gym, Patrick’s coworkers work out and comment on the physiques of their female instructors (“Hardbody”). Meanwhile, it is revealed that Patrick is having an affair with Courtney. After having sex, Courtney decides to end the affair, telling a dismissive Patrick that they are betraying their respective partners. He meets his friends at the gym and attempts to strangle Luis in the steamroom. Luis interprets Patrick’s actions as a sexual advance and begs him to continue; disgusted, Patrick flees. During the intermission of a showing of Les Misérables, Evelyn broaches the subject of marriage with Patrick, who is not convinced by the prospect (“If We Get Married”).

Patrick heads to the Meatpacking District and picks up a prostitute named Christine, introducing himself to her as Paul Owen. He hires another prostitute named Sabrina and pays the two to engage in violent, sadistic sex with one another and with him (“Not A Common Man”). On Christmas Eve, Patrick waxes lyrical about Les Misérables to Jean and the two discuss their plans for the holidays. Patrick escorts his mother to Evelyn’s Christmas party, where he binges on drugs and alcohol (“Mistletoe Alert”). He runs into Paul Owen at the party and invites him back to his apartment. The two dance to “Hip to be Square”. Patrick spikes Owen’s drink, puts on a raincoat and begins a long one-sided analysis of the artistic and commercial merits of the band Huey Lewis and the News. After stating that “the world is better off with some people gone” (implying, at once, both himself and Owen), Patrick beheads Owen with an ax.

Act II

Patrick takes Owen’s body to an apartment he owns anonymously and dissolves it in a bathtub with a bag of lime. Afterwards, he lets himself into Paul’s apartment and stages his disappearance by resetting his voicemail and packing many of his possessions into a suitcase (“Clean”). Months pass, during which Patrick murders several people (“Killing Spree”). One afternoon, Patrick’s mother arrives on Wall Street expecting to have lunch with her son; Patrick, who has totally forgotten about the appointment, panics and begs Jean to dismiss her. Jean convinces Patrick to attend the lunch and offers to join the pair. Much to Jean’s delight, Mrs. Bateman tells her stories about Patrick as a child, when he was apparently much more carefree (“Nice Thought”). Back at Pierce & Pierce, Detective Donald Kimball calls on Patrick to question him about Owen’s disappearance. Uneasy, Patrick tries his hardest to evade questioning and asks Kimball to keep him updated about the manhunt. Keen to disentangle himself from New York, Patrick calls Evelyn and suggests a holiday, and so the two take a short break in the Hamptons. The idyllic setting cannot heal Patrick’s psyche, however; while Evelyn flourishes amid garden parties and Pilates classes, Patrick’s grasp on reality loosens further (“At The End of An Island”/“Hardbody Hamptons”). He promises Evelyn that if they return to New York he will marry her. On his return, he appropriates Paul Owen’s apartment as a place to host and kill more victims, beginning with Sabrina and Christine (“I Am Back”).

Luis runs into Patrick at a Barneys store and begs Patrick to run away with him. Patrick responds aggressively, assaulting and hissing at Luis. With his appetite for murder now totally unchecked, Patrick targets Jean, offering to take her to dinner at a restaurant of her choice. His sense of inferiority is piqued once again when she suggests Dorsia, where he is still unable to get reservations. Patrick gives Jean the rest of the day off and she wonders about her feelings for Patrick (“A Girl Before”). At Patrick’s apartment that night, the pair discuss her hopes and aspirations. As he is preparing to murder her, Jean tells Patrick that she is in love with him; her confession causes him great distress and he implores her to leave. He leaves a long voicemail for Kimball confessing to the murder of Paul Owen and countless other people (“Clean (Reprise)”).

The next morning, Jean apologises to Patrick for what happened the night before. He forgives her and tells her that he will be recommending her for a junior executive program through a company scheme. Tim Price unexpectedly arrives at Patrick’s office, having been AWOL from Pierce & Pierce since Bateman’s birthday. Patrick asks him where he’s been; Price responds by saying that he’s been in New York the whole time, but their paths haven’t crossed. He also asks Patrick about Paul Owen’s disappearance.

Patrick and Evelyn have their engagement party at Tunnel nightclub (“Don’t You Want Me”). Patrick is noticeably ill at ease and is desperate to go to dinner. Price says he is able to get reservations at Dorsia, which impresses the guests. Patrick sees Kimball at the bar and approaches him, asking him about the voicemail confession. Kimball breaks into laughter, stating that he found Patrick’s ‘joke’ “hilarious”, despite Bateman’s protestations that the confessions were genuine. Kimball tells Patrick that his narrative of what happened to Owen is impossible, as Owen is in fact in London; Kimball allegedly had dinner with him there twice. The next day, Patrick goes to Paul Owen’s apartment, expecting it to be full of decomposing bodies and cordoned off by the police. Instead, he finds the apartment vacant and in pristine condition; the real estate agent, Mrs Wolfe, deflects all of Patrick’s questions about Paul Owen and the bodies that were left in the apartment, before asking him to leave and never return. He marries Evelyn and resigns himself to a pointless existence in which the punishment and notoriety that he craves will forever be denied him. (“This Is Not An Exit”).

Production history[edit]

American Psycho began previews on 3 December 2013,[13] at the Almeida Theatre, London,[14] before holding its official opening night on 12 December,[15] with booking initially until 25 January,[16] but later extended[17] by a week to 1 February 2014, when it closed.[18] The show has a book by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa[19] with music and lyrics by Duncan Sheik[20] and is directed by Rupert Goold,[21] with choreography by Lynne Page, set design by Es Devlin, lighting design by Jon Clark, costume design by Katrina Lindsay, video by Finn Ross, musical direction by David Shrubsole and sound by Paul Arditti.[22] Tickets for the world premiere production sold out.[23] Notable casting for the show included Matt Smith as Patrick Bateman, Susannah Fielding as Evelyn Williams, Jonathan Bailey as Tim Price, Ben Aldridge as Paul Owen and Lucie Jones as Victoria.[24][25] A typical London performance ran 2hrs 40mins, including one interval of 20 mins.[26]

Following its premiere production a workshop of the musical was held in January 2015 in New York City.[27] On 23 July 2015, it was announced that the musical would open on Broadway on 21 March 2016, following previews from 19 February at a yet unknown Shubert theater.[28] Lead casting would include Benjamin Walker in the lead role of Patrick Bateman,[29] reprising his role from the 2011 workshop.[8] On 30 September 2015, it was announced that the musical would open at the Gerald Schoenfeld Theatre, and would begin previews over a month later than originally planned,[30] on 24 March 2016.[31] On November 9, 2015, it was announced that Tony Award winner Alice Ripley would join the cast as Patrick Bateman’s mother and Mrs. Wolfe, along with Tony Award nominee Jennifer Damianoas Jean, and Heléne Yorke as Evelyn Williams. Damiano previously worked with Sheik in the original production of Spring Awakening on Broadway, as well as with co-starring opposite Ripley as Mother and Daughter in the original production of Next to Normal.

On 26 May 2016, a closing date of 5 June 2016 was announced for the Broadway production, after 27 previews and 54 regular performances.[32]

Musical numbers[edit]

Sheik’s music features an original electronic score, with extracts from 1980s songs in-between.[33] The London cast album was released in March 2016.[34]

London[

edit

]Act I

[35]

“Clean”

“Everybody Wants to Rule the World”

“Cards”

“You Are What You Wear”

“Oh Sri Lanka”

“True Faith”

“Killing Time”

“In the Air Tonight”

“Hardbody”

“If We Get Married”

“Not A Common Man”

“Mistletoe Alert”

“Hip to Be Square”

Act II

[35]

“Clean” (reprise)

“Killer Wolf”

“A Nice Thought”

“End of An Island”

“I Am Back”

“Don’t You Want Me”

“A Girl Before”

“This Is Not an Exit”

Broadway[

edit

]Act I

[36]

“Opening (Morning Routine)” - Patrick Bateman

“Selling Out” - Bateman and Company

“Everybody Wants To Rule The World” - Jean and Company

“Cards” - Paul Owen, Bateman, Timothy Price, David Van Patten, Craig McDermott, and Luis Carruthers

“You Are What You Wear” - Evelyn Williams, Courtney Lawrence, and Women

“True Faith” - Vanden and Company

“Killing Time” - Bateman and Price

“In The Air Tonight” - Women Soloists and Company

“Hardbody” - Hardbody Trainer, McDermott, Van Patten, Carruthers and Men

“You Are What You Wear” (reprise)

“If We Get Married” - Evelyn, Bateman, Jean

“Not A Common Man” - Bateman

“Mistletoe Alert” - Evelyn, Bateman, and Company

“Hip To Be Square” - Bateman and Paul

Act II

[36]

“Killing Spree” - Bateman

“Nice Thought” - Mrs. Bateman, Jean, and Women

“At The End Of An Island” - Evelyn, Bateman, and Company

“I Am Back” - Bateman and Company

“You Are What You Wear” (reprise)

“A Girl Before” - Jean

“Clean” - Company

“Don’t You Want Me” - Paul, Price, and Company

“This Is Not An Exit” - Bateman and Company

Principal roles and cast members[edit]

Original London

Off Broadway Lab

Original Broadway

Patrick Bateman

Matt Smith

Benjamin Walker

Paul Owen

Ben Aldridge

Roe HartrampfDrew Moerlein

VandenN/AN/AKrystina Alabado

Craig McDermott / ATM /

Tom Cruise

Charlie AnsonDrew GehlingAlex Michael Stoll

Tim Price

Jonathan Bailey

Theo Stockman

Courtney Lawrence

Katie Brayben

Heléne Yorke

Morgan Weed

JeanCassandra Compton

Jennifer Damiano

Sabrina / Video Store ClerkHolly Dale SpencerAngel Reda

Ericka Hunter

Evelyn Williams

Susannah Fielding

Zosia Mamet

Heléne Yorke

Detective Donald KimballSimon GregorJeb BrownKeith Randolph Smith

Christine / Hardbody Waitress / Hardbody TrainerHolly JamesSydney MortonHolly James

Victoria / Hardbody Bartender

Lucie Jones

Krystina AlabadoAnna Eilinsfeld

Sean Bateman / Security Guard / Dorsia HostTom KayNick BaileyJason Hite

Patrick’s Mother / Mrs Wolfe / SvetlanaGillian Kirkpatrick

Isabel Keating

Alice Ripley

David Van PattenEugene McCoyWallace SmithDave Thomas Brown

Luis Carruthers

Hugh Skinner

Wesley Taylor

Jordan Dean

Critical reception[edit]

The London production of American Psycho received mixed to positive reviews from critics.[41][42]

[cjkendricksmusicblog]

MONDAY MOTIVATIONS

​What's good, good people!?! Get ready for another jam-packed, introspective, insightful edition of CJKENDRICKS MUSIC NEWS!!

 This week... It's crunch time for the Kickstarter campaign! I've got just under two weeks to go and I'm letting you in on my last ditch efforts for success. I'm heavy into promotion for the July performance at Vinyl in Atlanta! Discount tickets are available and the show rehearsals begin this week!! Listen to 89.3FM in Atlanta for singles from FAME vs INFAMY!!! And there's much much more....

​CRUNCHTIME for KICKSTARTER!!!

With less than two weeks left to go in the campaign, I'm exhausting all communication efforts I've learned and accessed over the last few months. I'll be sending personal Facebook messages and emails, texting and tweeting friends and fans, and making use of services like GreenInbox, Ninja Outreach, ReverbNation's Fanreach and more to get the word out. I'm asking for any help you all can provide! Let's make this happen. I've crafted an audio sample that will be added to all outgoing messages and posted with the next Kickstarter update. Take a listen below.... 

https://soundcloud.com/cjkendricksmusic/kickstarter-campaign-audio-sampler

AND please support my Kickstarter campaign!!!

​JULY SHOW - CJ performing LIVE in ATLANTA

I'm so hella stoked to be returning to the Vinyl stage soon, and I've got two treats for you guys to celebrate!!! First, all tickets purchased on or before June 30th receive a free download of FAME vs INFAMY.... PLUS ... all Kickstarter backers receive FREE TICKETS to the show (pending a successful campaign). Discount tickets are available online using promo code CJ971. Advanced ticket sales not only save you guys money, but it also helps me earn a little extra cash as well as other perks such as a longer performance time, the chance to choose my position in the show line-up and so much more. So COME ON, and "meet me on the dance floor". Hurry and get your tickets now!! Discount code expires June 30th and Kickstarter campaign ends July 7th. 

3 Ways to get your tickets:

- $10 - Direct from the artist or artist's team 

- $12 + fees - Online at www.aftonshows.com/cjkendricksmusic

- $15 - At the Door  (DOES NOT HELP THE ARTIST!!! THESE TICKETS ONLY BENEFIT THE PROMOTOR & VENUE)

​CJ on the Radio!!!

SHOW U OFF, COME ON and SUMMERTIME SWEETHEART will hit the indie airwaves soon. I visited WRFG 89.3 in Atlanta last week and had a great chat with the station manager!! I've submitted singles from FAME vs INFAMY for airplay, so tune in to 89.3's SOUL RHAPSODY weekday mornings from 10am til noon, ROCKERS INTERNATIONAL Saturday afternoons at 2pm, and BEATZ and LYRICS Saturday nights at 10pm!!! This is the station that helped get iconic Atlanta artists like OutKast and TLC their start, and I'm so honored and humbled to be working with them. Streaming worldwide at www.wrfg.org

​MOTOWN MONDAY RETURNS TONIGHT on YouTube!!!

I took time off last week to rest my vocals, but today I'm back with a Marvin Gaye triple feature! This week's episode of Motown Monday starts off with an acapella rendition of Trouble Man. It will also feature the usual karaoke performance, but will close with a music video cover of Let's Get It On!!! It debuts today exclusively on YouTube, don't miss it!!! And be sure to check out my INSTAGRAM this week for all new rounds of "GUESS THAT SONG" for your chance to win free music downloads, concert tickets and exclusive merchandise!!

​SELF DISCOVERY: Part 2 - Epiphany incites Transition

 I took a little time off from this blog and my YouTube series to rest, rejuvenate, relax, and reminisce. There're so many things in the world that I have yet to speak on as an artist because I've been careful in crafting my brand, and mindful of the persona I'm creating and how it may be perceived in the court of public opinion. But today, I have to break my silence. I feel the need to let fans and supporters know the more real, human side of me, and how recent events in the world have affected my path, my view and my vision of the future.

 I've been working on my music for years without any real direction. It's been one of the most frustrating, emotionally draining, mentally exhausting things to deal with. But I've finally figured out why I've been chasing my proverbial tail... I've been allowing my ego to dictate my actions. I've allowed ego to masquerade as intellect, forcing intelligence to become a type of overly analytical anxiety. In short, I forgot myself, I forgot my place in the universe, I forgot my purpose as a vessel for creation and knowledge to pass through. Now, I have a team behind me and supporters in the wings waiting to see when it all pops off. Now I have a direction, a goal, and a plan to reach it. But, I also have room to grow, and room to expand and adapt my plan as needed to the shifting environment that is America. 

In recent meditations, I've discovered what my vices are and started to slowly mediate them. Procrastination is probably the worst of them all as it feeds into my OCD and fear of succeeding. I admittedly fear success because of the changes that come along with it. Not the obvious ones, but the subtle changes one fails to notice until they have already taken place. And perhaps there is even a fear of the way success will change my family dynamics as well. But now that I am aware of these things, and the ways in which I've distracted myself from dealing with them, I can effectively heal some old wounds that have been blocking my progression. I can face the very things that have been hindering my full potential as an artist, and more importantly as a person. 

Recent events in our seemingly divided country have impacted my meditations and given me an understanding as to what my future as an artist may hold. I have a responsibility as a musician to connect with my audience. I also have a responsibility as a black man in America to breach the hearts and minds of others, not to end racism... but to fully educate those that are either (willingly or unwillingly) blind to it on the truths, dangers and impacts of the various types of racism that plagues the black American in today's society.

​SHOW U OFF: the Remixes

JULY 22, 2017 Exclusively on ReverbNation - In conjunction with my live performance, the moment I hit the stage... 3 Remixes of SHOW U OFF will be available for download and streaming exclusively on my ReverbNation page before it is available on SoundCloud, iTunes, Amazon and Spotify!!

 CJ joins MUSICAL.LY and FUNIMATE!!

I recently hit up these new apps to connect with more fans! I'm still getting the hang of them, but look for some posts very soon across my social media accounts!!

​BLACK IN AMERICA: After the Verdict - the Philander Castile case -

​I have intentionally avoided blogging about anything racial, religious or political, because I believe music is meant to heal. Music is meant to bring us together, not drive us further apart... and since I'm am a musician first and everything else second, and this is my blog primarily to chronicle my musical career and adventures... well its obvious to see why I've shied away from such topics. But being a black man in America just got a little harder and a whole lot more discouraging. If you've been sleeping under a rock or you're one of those people blind to the fact that racism still exists on multiple levels in this country, then you might have missed the significance of the officers acquittal in the Philando Castile manslaughter case. Outside of the obvious (a law-abiding citizen loses his life senselessly while complying with law enforcement), what makes this worse is the injustice of the officer being charged with manslaughter instead of first degree murder. I'm sure you have all seen the videos either in news footage or from the original Facebook Live post from his girlfriend present at the scene, so I'll spare you and myself the rehashing of the gory details. The videos show clearly what happened, yet a jury of Mr. Castille's "peers" did not see enough evidence to find the officer guilty of any wrongdoing. Someone lost their life, yet the officer was acquitted of all charges. There is something wrong with that statement. The system is clearly broken and I implore you all to find out just how broken it is, and how long it has been this way. Here is a lecture by John Bracey from a few years back that a friend recently shared with me through Facebook...

​Now, growing up poor in inner city America, I was taught (like any other black kid in my generation and the ones before with halfway decent parents...) that in order to succeed I have to be twice as smart, twice as good and work twice as hard. What my parents meant by that, what is implied to all black Americans is that we have to be at least twice as good as any white person to get the same things as that person in life. Black people are conveniently both persons and product within the framework of American society. And as we all know (or should know to some degree), product is expendable. So, does that mean my life is expendable at the hands of law enforcement?!? If so, where is my motivation to be a good person, to take pride in my country, to treat my fellow American as my brother? Take note of the fact that I have to think... every time I decide to get in my car and leave my house... is today the day that someone kills me? I've become numb to most subtle racisms because I'm from the South. But now, I don't wonder if I'll be called the N word or something else. I don't wonder if I'll be passed over for a job promotion, or skipped in line at the restaurant or bar. I don't even wonder anymore if I'm going to get a ticket at a traffic stop due to racial profiling. No... now I wonder if I'm going to die at the hands of a police officer today... because I live in the suburbs, look like a rapper (apparently), and listen to loud music. Now I wonder if my daughter will have to see her daddy shot down and laying lifeless in front of her while she's strapped tightly in her car seat. 

Until next time... 

 - CJ -

[toddmichaelrogers]

Letter to You

All in due time

I am obsessed with the concept of time. When I read an article about light moving across time and space to reach us from distant galaxies, and how...what we are viewing in those distances may have already passed into death thousands of years ago, it gets my dick “Super Mario 2 (Japanese Version) hard”.

I think about equations of time v.s growth on a nearly daily basis. I am obsessed about it.

Some may feel possessed

I myself obsess about it

My youngest brother was born twenty-two years ago. His name is Ben. This week, he came for a surprise visit by telling me he would be here and then allowing me to forget. The added bonus was we got to celebrate his birthday together. That night, I drove him and his friends and Kelsie around (they may all be kids to me, but Kelsie’s been my brother’s partner for longer than I’ve known my own). We spent the night at a false speakeasy, and a giant championship pool hall, empty but for a few of us. As the night ended I drove the kids up to a hill called love circle, where a year ago I had imagined killing myself (I had a concussion, it’s cool).

In the car Michael, this kid I had not seen in a decade, popped in a song that maybbbbe three people in the world might have known. It’s a B-Side which could only be known to someone such as myself, someone who cares entirely too much for a half-forgotten Scottish 1980s group. 

“Is this fucking Big Country?” I asked. And then both parties continued asking in astonished voices if the other if they enjoyed the same band, until Michael ripped his shirt open to reveal a 1986 tour tee. “What the fuck?!” I screamed. And then preceded to tell him that Spell Saga was inspired by this band’s music; there was no need to explain what Spell Saga was to the kids in the car, they had seen the card game and its stacks of packages sitting in my living room.

The game has continued to haunt me. The rest of the packages will be sent out sometime in the next 30 days, and the manufacturer will be paid up for services rendered in the next week. That is about 1500 days since I decided to pursue the project, and over 800 days since the Kickstarter worked and we knew it was going to go to print. 

Sometimes people write very frustrated messages online wondering where their packages are, but the comments that mean the most to me are the ones where people are nice hahaha. No, I shouldn’t laugh, it’s haunting. Trying to do something right and trying to handle your own mistakes in public is about as nerve-wracking and humiliating as anything since 7th grade.

In the meantime I’ve taken all those worries and embarrassments and pushed them into the next Spell Saga release (Deck 1.5 The Under Sky) which may or may not work, we’re about to find out in March. The concept and design are so ridiculous and in depth that I’ve been forced to finish the entire thing before playing it at all--something I have not done since Spell Saga 4.0 was finished to show at Gen Con back in 2011. The whole thing could be rendered nearly pointless if the game isn’t fun to play--but then again, how can you know? Countless hours of Photoshopping and weird little doodles for an unknowable outcome. If that isn’t the official theme of Spell Saga, or indeed, everything I make, then I don’t know what is.

Speaking of time, games, and 7th grade (and as was mentioned in previous correspondence) this Autumn, after twenty years of waiting, I will be releasing a card game I started making in 7th grade. The illustrator is my friend Weshoyot, who just sent me the final pieces this past week. This is after we began working on it together 9 years ago! My god, I know this blog has a sort of theme running through it but even that takes me aback, (it also takes me a-straight-back, to 2009, when I was getting married to my first wife, designing EPIOCH instead of planning a wedding, and about to start work on both The Novel & Spell Saga...what a fucked up year…)

The novel I started still continues, and work goes well, actually. Yes it’s been 8 years, but after forcing a second draft on New Years day of 2016 I have now arrived, one year later, into new territory. Most of last year was spent agonizing through a muck of the same few chapters. It was almost nerve wracking to pick it back up, after a month’s rest, and knock-out another two new chapters without a hint of friction.

I was talking to my brother while he was in town (we always have the same talk and he hates it, but I always push it) “why aren’t you making things” I ask him every visit. I know he wants to. And I can’t speak for him, or rather, I won’t but I think there’s this perfectionist thing that hits in varying degrees. (I’m speaking more about myself then him, right now) I’ve read that  perfectionism is linked to depression, and alcoholism--this idea that things need to be a certain way, or they aren’t worth it--when really, that’s not true at all. 

Things just need to be as good as you can make them at the time, and then finished. I spent most of last year stuck on the same songs, and the same chapters, unsure of how to move forward, yet sure they had to be brilliant or cool.

But, I’m not either of those things. I don’t know how many passes I think will bleach the uncoolness out of something, but it doesn’t work. There’s something to be said for taking one’s time--and of course putting something away and rewriting it is definitely in everyone’s best interest...but still, finishing things as best you can is important.

I was talking with Meagen the other day about this, about how we as human beings tend to think if something is not hard or time consuming that it must not be good--that a novel should take ten years and not, say two. See? I even wrote the word “one” there and had to erase it. A novel? In a year? How drab.

We as artists don’t believe in ourselves, and pretend that putting time into a project will make it that much more special--or even better, waiting forever to start it...Fuck the fuck outta that. Make it and be embarrassed and move on. Just make it as best you can.

I am afraid of many things, including the new chapters I just wrote, because they happened quickly. But that is how art appears! It boils up like feelings because that’s what art really is. The craft is in getting past yourself to sit down and start the thing past your own fears. The craft is in making it sound good. the craft is in finishing it. I hope my brother starts making things, and I hope I start making things quicker.

The last day he was in town, I put on the pants I bought when I was 22. They were my favorite pants to write in for years, lasting through a full marriage and into a new one. A pair of 2005 women’s jeans so old the crotch is ripped out (my dick hangs like a cotton bulge). I looked at myself in the mirror, decided against them, and picked out another pair of pants for the evening. It was President’s Day, and my band EFFORTS was about to play our first show.

I had spent three weeks wanting to vomit every time I thought about it. But the date on the flyer appeared and with it, our last practice before loading our gear. By the end of practice I was too hungry to be nervous, and Zach, Geoffrey and I arrived at the venue to drink.

Meagen appeared, worried about a friend of ours. We stood in a parking lot across the venue and I tried to console here, it had been a rough couple of days for the both of us.

Last week was Valentine’s. I spent the night before the holiday of hearts holding our dog, Ellie, as her heart began to fail. It had been three years since the doctor told us she would die any day, and now it seemed the curse had come to claim her. I whispered nice things into her ears as she melted across my chest, and then we both feel asleep. 

I dreamed she could talk, and she told me she was hurting. And then she transformed between a young girl and grown women, back and forth again as Meagen and I held her. At the end of the dream she told me to look up at the ceiling to see what death looked like for dogs; it was a dance of shadows and light that made no scientific sense, but I understood all the same. When I awoke Ellie was staring at me, alive and well, he heart has since settled to normal.

So Meagen and I were already wound up when some really bad shit went down for a friend. I tried to console Meagen across the street, minutes before the soundcheck. I was already hot in my leather jacket, but I kept it on because the homemade arm band was tied around my right limb. The arm bands were an idea I had floated by Zach months ago and, black for mourning, with our logo, the crucibolt emblazoned upon it. I had sat down sometime between my dog trying to die and the show to make the both wraps at home using ribbon, velcro patches and iron-on sheets cut carefully and branded by my wife’s straightening iron. (i. have. never. been. cool.)

Meagen asked if I was nervous, and I said yes. Then, we walked into the venue to smoke and drink some more, Geoffrey and I both having quit tobacco except for rare occasions and the first-show-ever exception.

I waited 32 years to perform music--it still feels like a daydream that was never actually supposed to happen, but at the same time, if I’m being honest, events were always leading to this. It feels like I pulled off a miracle that was always going to happen.

On stage we were surrounded by a dimly lit room, filled with lots of people we knew. I didn’t know what to do so Zach instructed me from his drum kit on what to say to the sound guy. Then we launched into our newest song, “6 pack, nice abs!(stinence)” and I immediately heard my own vocals for the first time ever. It was an awful shock. But that feeling was overwhelmed by the rush of sound screaming out from behind me as I stared down at what my fingers were doing and sang as well as I could.

It was Zach’s idea to start with “6 pack”. I had spent two years planning for this moment, certain (god-damn-it, certain!) that when I got to play this shit live, the band (whoever that would be, there was no band, barely any songs, a pipe dream), we would start the show with the opening track of the album “everyone will leave and you”, but two hours before the show Zach said we needed to open with  6 pack, it, and it was agreed. Plans are just plans, sometimes real shit needs to happen.

Here’s a video of it.

We got through the first pre-chorus, and then I was almost smiling as we launched into the second verse

Some may feel possessed

I myself obsess about it

By the end of the song I was already sweating from the stage lights and the leather jacket; and the way I was screamed, stooped with the guitar strap across my shoulder, I felt myself nearly black out several times, a moment that would continue throughout the show.

It occurred to me afterward the opening lyrics were written while driving down the very same street the bar was on, near-as-exact to a year ago as I drove to buy airplane bottle liquor while texting my Father in an AA meeting.

Dad’s on his way to a meeting

I’m on my way to the store

And there I was, holding the guitar I grew up pretending to play, the cherry-red-heavy my Father let me borrow as he left for California, a son who had never written a song, asking someone he didn’t know very well for a guitar they never used anymore. 

He used to write little songs

He don’t write nothin’ no more

Then, the song ended and I heard people yelling and applauding. without looking up, Zach clicked us into the next one and we slammed through another two minute punk song about feelings (the boys and I recently decided to call our genre mid-punk, as we are so damn old compared to ‘dem kids’). It was during this one my head started to get away from me, that I began to realize I was, somehow on a stage and not in my imagination, and I had to grip the guitar pick tighter and focus on what I was doing. That is how insane it felt. And then, at some point during the set, stage lights started to jump and bounce everywhere and the surreality lifted into some sort of mega-dise of everything I had ever wanted.

My favorite part of the entire show was turning to Zach & Geoff between songs and laughing before we launched into whatever was next. Here was the set list, lest we ever forget:

6 pack, nice abs!(stinence)

everyone will leave and you

may you absorb all evil

the bridge song

better off without you

I saw a pale horse

west coast

ash to dust

word waster

vera

Everything ended with me singing a song I had written about a time 5 years ago when Meagen and a friend--the very same one I was consoling her about--were playing Super Mario 2 (Japanese version).

I’ll never be as happy as I was

On those Winter nights

After the show ended, Ben walked up on stage to give me a hug and congratulate me. “I can’t believe you just watched me play a show!” I shouted. I hope he noticed how perfect it was not, as I sure did.

It is so important to just go for things, and fuck up, and not be perfect, and then try over, and over, and over again. When it comes to art, you can do anything you want (if you’re meant to do it). And why would you want to do it, why would you dream about it everyday, if that dream wasn’t meant for you?

Work hard. Fuck up. Fix it. Let go. And finish.

That’s my plan, over and over again, and somehow, it looks like it’s starting to work. If you’re waiting for a package, I hope you have it by the time you read this. And if you’re ever in Nashville, I hope you can see EFFORTS play a show.

-mE.

[jaketheaudiophile]

Best Albums of 2016

So first off, holy crap: I started this blog over 5 years ago. 

I’m sorry that I haven’t really kept it up other than the general “best of (insert year) activities. Maybe 2017 will be the year that I revamp this old thing? Depends on time and such. 

Either way, here are my top 15 albums of 2016. Feel free to send me your favorite releases of the year as well. And, as always, this is just my opinion.

HONORABLE MENTION

Car Seat Headrest: “Teens of Denial”

(released May 20 on Matador Records)

I kept hearing a lot of good things about this release so I picked it up with no prior knowledge of the band. It’s certainly a very good record, but I feel it is a bit overlong and meandering to really garner my adoration. Some songs drag on a bit too long and there are odd production choices, like songs featuring with 4 minutes of noise or a refrain being repeated into oblivion. Also, vocalist/songwriter Will Toledo’s vocal delivery is super mellow and laid-back, which isn’t always the most awe-inspiring or memorable despite his brilliant and shockingly honest lyrics. Regardless, the good songs shine pretty brightly (particularly “Drunk Drivers / Killer Whales” and “Destroyed by Hippie Powers”) and it’s certainly worthy of the high praise I’ve seen it receive this year.

#15

Look Mexico: “Uniola”

(released June 24 on Tiny Engines)

Look Mexico is what I call a “Principle Band”. This means that every time they put out a record, I’ll buy it on principle even though I’m not the biggest fan of them as a whole. They’ve always been a quality indie/math rock group, but albums as a whole just don’t grab my full attention like other similar artists’ do. Their latest still avoids my full embrace, but it’s still a pretty solid record. I’ve always loved their use of recorded speeches or dialogue to use as fodder over musical passages, which is done expertly in “My Superman Seat-Grab Barrel Roll? I’m Still Working On It” and “That Was The Flame Thrower. Use the Rockets”. Furthermore, the production on this album is dynamite, particularly on the drums and guitar effects, and it’s always fun to see what Vin Diesel quotes they use for their song titles.

#14

You Blew It!: “Abendrot”

(released November 11 on Triple Crown Records)

For the months leading up to this record’s release, every bit of press stated it would be the big change in form or style for these Florida emo kids. Rather than the heart on the sleeve emo throwback the band has become known for, the band promised the album to be darker, moodier and more mature. What that ended up meaning was that it contained a general melancholy hanging over it like a blanket thrown over a lampshade. In a lot of ways, the album feels unfinished, with some songs being nothing more than vocalist Tanner Jones and keyboard noises. What’s really puzzling is the best songs on the album, namely “Hue” and “Canary” are the YBI! of old with quality layered guitars and hooks. I still very much enjoy this release, but the massive shifts in style that were promised were poorly executed.

#13

Little Tybee: “(self-titled)”

(self released by the band and Kickstarter on June 3)

After a successful Kickstarter campaign and various versions of most of these songs floating around the internet in concerts or promotional / studio videos, Atlanta’s Little Tybee finally released their fourth, self-titled record to much appreciation. What’s most impressive about this release to me is the ample space each musician has to show off their incredible skills: Previous albums were basically vehicles to display 8-string wunderkind guitarist Josh Martin (to no complaints from me; the dude is fucking amazing), whereas all 6 Tybee-ers are given turns in the spotlight and shine brilliantly on this release, particularly drummer Pat Brooks. The album gets a bit thin and noodly at 54 minutes, and some moments or directions that songs go are either forced or odd. Also, I do love vocalist Brock Scott’s lyrics and melodies, and his more-or-less constant falsetto vocals are generally very pleasant, but there are moments where they get very grating on recordings (particularly in “More Like Jason”). Otherwise, this is varied, musically ambitious release, and brought the band a whole bunch of well-deserved attention.

#12

Animals As Leaders: “The Madness of Many”

(released on November 11 on Sumerian Records)

Fans of Animals As Leaders know what they’re getting with each of the band’s releases: A myriad of crazy guitar leads, complicated song arrangements, and killer drum rhythms. The slight curveball of this year’s release was the two mainly acoustic-lead songs that concluded the album, “The Brain Dance” and “Aperophobia”, which were fun variations. Otherwise, it’s more of the same old, sweet same old from these dudes. Probably the most “for fans only” release of the year, but those fans were pretty damn happy.

#11

Enemies: “Valuables”

(released on December 9 on Topshelf Records)

Enemies was one of the 3 bands I listened to the most in 2016. I frequently put their entire catalog on shuffle to have as background music while I worked, drove or exercised. Because of this, I was incredibly sad upon learning that this very-recently-released album would be the band’s final recording. After playing a show in their native Ireland on December 18, Enemies officially called it quits. I am also sad to admit that this is probably my least favorite album in the band’s career. It’s a bit more experimental than previous tight-knit instrumental rock-laden records; a greater emphasis is placed on electronic noises and layered vocals than the tight arrangements or brilliant riffs of previous releases. It’s clear there were some creative differences going on among the band members, which may explain why they’ve decided to put this band to rest. It’s a slightly disappointing wrap on the band’s career, but was still a welcome release and a reminder of how brilliant these gents were.

#10

Explosions in the Sky: “The Wilderness”

(released on April 1 on Temporary Residence Ltd)

I was initially very underwhelmed by this record. Explosions in the Sky have long been the standard bearers for emotional instrumental rock music, but this album seemed more subdued and reserved than any of their previous releases. However, it’s an album that grows on you through repeat plays and concentration. There’s not the soaring dynamics or swells from older records, but the arrangements and moods generated in these near-simplified songs are beautiful in a much different way. It’s definitely not the best EitS record, but anything they do is still certainly worthy of admiration.

#9

Somos: “First Day Back”

(released on February 19 on Hopeless Records)

Somos’ first record, 2014’s “Temple of Plenty”, was a near-perfect pop-punk record. Because of that, this year’s release by these Boston gentlemen was perhaps my most anticipated album of this year. They definitely lived up to that hype with more of the same contagious songwriting and hooks with a much more glossy, clean production. However, what knocks the album down a few pegs for me is the fact that there are 4 short interlude-like tracks which are not much more than vocalist Michael Fiorentino singing a half-verse over either a simple guitar part or random noise. The 4 songs kind of fit together on their own, but are otherwise forgettable and skippable when listening to the album as a whole. Still, though, this is a solid second album for a band with a hell of a bright future.

#8

Every Time I Die: “Low Teens”

(released on September 23 by Epitaph Records)

Every Time I Die is a confusing yet awesome band for me. Throughout their career, I find that I enjoy every other one of their albums. As such, because I adored 2014’s “From Parts Unknown”, I figured this release would be underwhelming, but ETID finally bucked this weird, personal trend with this brutal, brilliant album. Vocalist Keith Buckley pulled a majority of his lyrical inspiration from sitting in a hospital waiting room while his wife nearly died giving birth to their child, and that frenetic, hopeless, breakneck fear is present throughout every song (“Petal”, “1977”). When the band slows down, though, on songs like “Two Summers” and “It Remembers”, nothing is lost, which is even more impressive. All in all, it’s a welcome reminder of why these guys have been mainstays in heavy music for two decades and can’t slow down.

#7

Touche Amore: “Stage Four”

(released on September 16 on Epitaph Records)

This record was by far the hardest to rank on this list for me. This is a beautifully constructed, heartbreakingly honest, tremendously sad, and incredibly hard to listen to album. The album centers around vocalist Jeremy Bolm’s mother, who passed away after a long battle with cancer. His lyrics are his reactions to his sadness from this, the fact that he feels like he wasn’t there for her in her final days, his reconciling with having accept that his life will never be the same, and how he reconciles with why he has to rely on religion, memories and other placebos to fill the void she left in his world. Bolm has always been a particularly brilliant lyricist, and as such, his words cut immediately to the heart as he bares his sadness for all to see. Adding even more to this is his vocal style, which truly emphasizes his depression and grief with his throaty yelps and cries. However, Bolm also employs traditional vocal melodies throughout the record, which are a first for the band and somehow even more haunting and heavy than his normal delivery. Adding to all of this are the usual sublime performances by the band, who seem to dip into 90s-era rock riffs to create memorable hooks and passages, which is even more impressive considering most of the songs barely hit the 2 minute mark.

So, with all of these kind words and respect for this record, why is this ranked at 7 instead of, say, 1 or 2 for me? There are two main reasons for this. The first is that I truly dislike the album’s final song, “Skyscraper”. The band decided to feature a four minute meandering album closer with repetitive, blank lyrics, and vocals by guest vocalist Julian Baker that are, frankly, awful. It seems like an odd choice and I find myself always turning off the album before its conclusion instead of playing it in its entirety. I felt I couldn’t in good conscious rate this album above any other album I loved as a whole, which was the case for all 6 of the albums ranked ahead of this one. The second reason is a bit more personal, but still relevant: Since the album is so damn sad and taxing to the emotions, I find I’m rarely in the mood to put it on casually or repeatedly as it truly does affect my mood for the rest of the day. This is actually both a positive and negative affect; it’s stunning that a group could put something together that would always affect me so strongly, but it also works against it that it's so successfully, if that makes sense. All said, this is a gargantuan album and one that cements Touche Amore as one of my favorite artists.

#6

Into It. Over It.: “Standards”

(released on March 11 on Triple Crown Records)

I utterly, completely trust and admire Evan Weiss. I’ve admired basically every release and/or project he’s worked on, and still geek out every time I see him at shows or around Chicago. For his 3rd record under the Into It. Over It. moniker, Weiss decided to hole himself up in a cabin with drummer Joshua Sparks to devote themselves to the album writing process. They emerged with another solid emo record, but one that feels more mature and well rounded than previous releases. There are some odd production choices here and there (such as the bizarre drums in the verses in “Bible Black” and the meandering chords in the bridge in “Adult Contempt”) but other than that not a moment really feels wasted throughout. What was most surprising to me were the inclusion of 2 slower, mainly acoustic tracks right in the middle of the record (“Your Lasting Image” and “Old Lace & Ivory”), and how they didn’t take away from the mood of the record as a whole. Josh Sparks also considerable killed it throughout the record, particularly on “No EQ” and the aforementioned “Adult Contempt”. All in all, I will continue to throw my love and money at Evan Weiss until proven otherwise.

#5

Direct Hit!: “Wasted Mind”

(released on June 24 on Fat Wreck Chords)

I became extremely obsessed with two pop-punk bands from Wisconsin this year. The first, Masked Intruder, were a group whose catalog I frequently put on shuffle and who released my favorite EP of this year. The second, Direct Hit!, took a bit longer to germinate, but then seeped into my brain like a disease. Largely an album about drug taking, partying and the lack of memories, “Wasted Mind” is like the soundtrack to the most fucked-up Disney movie adaptation of “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”. The songs are memorable and infinitely catchy, but what really stands out to me are the oddball orchestral instrumentation that the band adds to their sound, including bell and chime embellishments and saxophone solos. This album knows exactly what it is: A raucous, irrelevant celebration of the nights we can’t remember anything about except how much fun was had.

#4

TTNG: “Disappointment Island”

(released July 8 on Sargent House)

The fine gentlemen who got me into Direct Hit! (and several other amazing bands), David Tony Moore, told me earlier this year that “Wasted Mind” was his album of the year mainly because of the fact that he always found himself in the mood to have it on in the background no matter what he was doing. Rather than try to put on something random or nostalgic, DTM generally always ended up putting on the record while cooking, cleaning, etc (much to the eventual dismay of his wife Sheila) because he just always wanted to hear it. That sentiment completely applies to the latest opus from these British math rock veterans to me. This may be a bit expected as I’ve been a tad biased towards them since their formation, but it wasn’t something I was expecting at all upon hearing the album. This is by far the band’s most subdued record, with guitarist extraordinaire Tim Collis sharing the spotlight a bit with the band as a whole. Whereas their latest release, 2013’s “13.0.0.0.0” was largely a vehicle to introduce new bassist/guitarist/vocalist Henry Tremain, this record is more a combined group effort that really emphasizes Tremain’s skills as a vocalist. It’s an album that seems bright and fun at first, but rewards the listener with complex, subtle brilliance in arrangement, riffs, vocals and moods. All in all, a surprisingly infectious listen.

#3

The Hotelier: “Goodness”

(released on May 27 on Tiny Engines)

This album is like walking through the woods on a crisp summer day. You’re looking through trees as leaves crinkle beneath your feet as you come to a clearing. You scan across the meadow as you see rays of sunshine poke through the clouds and emphasize bits of grass and prairie as deer and other animals scatter away from your presence. Maybe a flower blooms, or a the sun warms you up, but you’re left with a general sense of peace and calm. Leaving behind the more schizophrenic genre-swapping of their last record, 2014’s “Home Like NoPlace is There”, The Hotelier focused solely on a gripping, stripped down emo sound and the results are extraordinary. I was sort of lukewarm on this at first, but man did it spread its roots and make itself essential to me as the year went on. Simple, earnest, heartfelt and true.

#2

Tiny Moving Parts: “Celebrate”

(released on May 20 on Triple Crown Records)

I’ve been a fan of this family band for a few years now, but have only liked songs as opposed to albums so far throughout their career. That changes exponentially with this release: This album is streamlined awesome from start to finish, and vocalist / guitarist Dylan Mathteison has created one of the better guitar albums ever in the process. His riffs are technical  (“Good Enough”, the bridge in “Headache”), creative (the delay-choked intro to “Breathe Deep”) and downright joy-inducing (“Birdhouse”) throughout, and his backing band of his cousins more than hold up their share of the load. The album clocks in at just under 35 minutes, ensuring that not a single minute is wasted. In summary, the album is perfectly titled; completely infectious, memorable and, well, celebratory.

#1

Weezer: “[self-titled (The White Album)]”

(released on April 1 on Atlantic Records)

The fact that this album came out on April Fool’s Day sort of encapsulates just how surprised I was upon hearing it. As one of the many millions of kids who discovered Weezer in junior high and still have the words (and guitar parts) to the Blue Album and “Pinkerton” memorized, I was stunned at how much of a throwback to those sounds and songs this record was considering it is well over 20 years later. Rivers Cuomo somehow sounds more mature and equally creative at the same time, as his years of songwriting have given him a sort of elder statesmen status while simultaneously he sounds simplistically approaching emotions and ideas that his life presents him. Maybe it’s the fact that this album caught me completely off guard and then lived in my head for months, or perhaps it’s because I’m immensely happy a band from my youth proved they are still one of the best bands in the world, but I can’t think of any album I’d be able to list as my album of the year.