#instead of going straight back to *sighs* a miserable existence but At College

[stalactites]

work in progress time ❗️❗️❗️

[myherowritings]

Maybe It’s Fate

— After discovering the mememate you fell in love with was your ex-boyfriend who broke your heart, you find yourself alone in a bar with a dead phone in a poor attempt to cope. The person who helps you at 3 a.m. is the last person you want to see.

pairing: shinsou hitoshi x f!reader word count: 10,531 genre: modern au, social media au

a/n: hihi welcome to part 25 of toya ! ;) the smau is rated 17+ so keep that in mind because it applies to this part too. it’s a bit thicc so i hope it’s able to keep your attention! skksffsd plspls chat with me and let me know what u think once u read! i’m looking forward to the convos ^-^ [edit: THIS IS NOT THE FINAL PART LOLOL]

Of all the dumb decisions you’ve made in your life, this by far had to be the dumbest of them all.

You were angry and hurt and wanted nothing more than to drown your feelings with overplayed EDM music and cheap booze that reminded you too much of the trash college parties you used to frequent. And while going out to get drunk was no where near your stupidest decision, going out alone with the full intention of returning home with someone else was. 

“Is everything okay?” you heard an unfamiliar voice beside you call.

Wishing you had brought more than an empty can of pepper spray, you cautiously turned to face him. You wanted to call a cab or take the train home, but you knew walking alone in the streets in your current condition might just be more stupid than staying at the club. Besides, your phone died right after you sent Kaminari your location. 

In other words-- You were truly fucked.

Not that you would let anyone know that, of course.

“Everything’s just fine,” you replied, trying to sound polite but disinterested. “Thanks.” 

He kept his distance but sat down at the barstool next to you. “Are you sure? You’re a pretty lady alone at the bar and you’re staring at your drink like it just insulted your favorite grandmother.” 

Immediately, the tears of stress and frustration flooded your eyes but you kept them from falling. Your bottom lip quivered and you blamed all the alcohol in your system for your seemingly uncontrollable emotions.

 “Am I that transparent?” You sniffled, downing the rest of your drink as you turned towards him.

“Ah-- Wait!” he cried with wide eyes, waving his hands in front of him as you chugged what was in your glass. “Are you sure you should keep drinking? Where are your friends?”

You studied him curiously. He seemed nice and trustworthy, but you couldn’t help but be skeptical of his intentions.

“They’re...around,” you answered, unwilling to admit you were here alone to a random stranger. “And I’m okay! Just here hating men, but what’s new?” 

He nodded solemnly. “Understandable. Men suck. Carry on.”

That earned a grin from you.

As the last gulp of vodka settled in your stomach and made its way to your head, you instinctively checked your phone in your pocket only to find it still dead. 

Damn. And here you were hoping it would’ve miraculously charged through sheer willpower. 

Drumming your fingertips against the empty glass, you let your gaze roam around the perimeter of the nightclub, blinking furiously in confusion when you thought you had spotted a head of all-too-familiar purple hair near the entrance.

“What the…” you trailed off. You could have sworn you just saw Shinsou, but the next second you opened your eyes, he was gone.

Great, you thought to yourself miserably. First he snuck his way into your heart and now you were imagining his presence too? 

“You’re really had too much to drink, haven’t you, Y/N?” you chided yourself, head spinning as you instantly regretted the last few gulps.

The guy next to you glanced over in concern, drinking a glass of what you assumed to be respect women juice. 

“Can I order you some water?” he fretted. “Or maybe a cab?” 

You shook your head to decline but stopped abruptly when your temples started to throb at the sudden motion. 

“S’okay,” you slurred. “I just thought I saw--” 

“Y/N!” 

You froze in your seat.

That voice… It was faint and almost like it wasn’t real, but you knew that voice. 

There was no way. 

“Good grief, I’m losing it now, huh?” you asked your bar acquaintance with furrowed brows. 

He shrugged, not knowing how to reply.

“Y/N, thank god,” the voice said frantically, sounding closer this time. “You’re safe!”

Ever so slowly, you turned around in your seat, eyes squeezed shut.

Even hearing his voice amidst the blaring of music was enough to make your heart twist in pain. It was the same deep timbre you remembered from high school and you haven’t heard it since then. You hated just how much you had missed the familiar sound. It was like a hug of comfort telling you everything was okay and a stab in the gut all at once.

“Y/N,” he said again, almost a whisper this time.

You finally found the courage to open your eyes, but refused to meet his gaze. Instead, you developed a deep interest in the laces of his shoes, reluctant to look up. 

“Shinsou…” The name left a bitter taste on your tongue and you wished you had another drink to wash it down with. Your voice hardened. “What are you doing here?” 

He winced at your harsh tone but stood unrelenting. “Your friends are worried sick about you. Kaminari was so concerned he even messaged me-- Something I imagine he never wanted to do.”

Your lower lip jutted out in guilt as your stare stayed set on the intricacies of the tiled flooring. 

“Why have you not checked your phone?” asked Shinsou in exasperation. “Kaminari was trying to tell you I was going to pick you up.” 

“I’m sorry,” you said softly. “My phone died after I sent Denki my location.”

“Died? Did you not charge it before you left? Y/N how could you be so irresponsible--!” 

“Is everything okay here?” your unnamed acquaintance said from his seat on the bar. He glanced carefully between you and Hitoshi. 

You nodded, sparing him a wry smile. “I’m fine. Thank you, though.” 

Shinsou bit the inside of his cheek as he eyed the stranger who sat next to you. “Who’s this?” 

“None of your damn business.” 

Annoyed by Shinsou’s chiding, you bristled when he frowned at you. He had no right to sound concerned or jealous-- No right to pretend he cared!

Not when he did what he did.

“I know I was being stupid and I’ll call my friends when I get home,” you said, not bothering to hide your irritation. “But you can’t just come here and talk to me like everything is normal! Why are you even here?” 

Pushing yourself out of your chair, you stood up and finally looked Hitoshi in the eye, glaring at him. You wobbled on your own two feet and felt the goosebumps on your bare thighs and arms, briefly wishing you had brought a coat with you.

Great, another thing Toshi can call you irresponsible for, you thought crossly, a mixture of hurt and anger in your face as you stared up at him. 

“Why are you here?” you repeated as you paced away from the bar--turning back only to give your bar friend a wave goodbye that he returned with a confused look. You headed for the exist of the nightclub as briskly as your legs could carry you in your uncomfortable heels. “How did you know where to find me?” 

Shinsou trailed not too far behind you and you begrudgingly admitted to yourself that you felt a warmth near your back from his presence. “Kaminari told me you were alone at a nightclub and this one happened to be only ten minutes from my house.”

You pouted. Small fucking world. Fate must’ve been getting a kick out of this.

“Your friends were worried-- So was I.” You rolled your eyes, but he continued. “And since I was the closest to this place I offered to pick you up.”

Reaching the side doors, you stopped by the stone wall of the building and squinted at him. “You offered and they just let you?”

That did not sound like the friends you knew. You were expecting a full Shinsou beat down from Bakugou alone. 

Hitoshi scratched the back of his neck and, in your tipsy stupor, you felt comforted by the familiar habit of his. You swallowed, balling your hands into fists to snap your mind out of it.

It shouldn’t matter how many memories of the past were flooding you-- You were mad at him for lying and you had every right to be.

“Maybe offered is too loose of a word,” he admitted after a moment’s silence, having the decency to appear sheepish. “But we were worried and I knew I could get to you in half the time any of your friends could.”

Sure, it was a logical reason. But that didn’t mean you had to like it. “I would rather have waited double the time if that meant I didn’t have to see you again.” 

You stared Hitoshi straight in the eyes as you said that as you tried to ignore the trembling of your lower lip. He flinched at the words, looking hurt. But another part of him looked like he accepted it. 

“I know I’m the last person you want to see right now--”

“Mhmm,” you hummed just to be petty.

“--but we had no way of knowing if you were safe. Especially when you stopped replying to anyone! This was the quickest way.” 

Folding your arms across your chest you stubbornly held his gaze. “Well, I’m safe. So you can leave now.” 

Shinsou pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Please. I know you hate me and you have every right to--”

“I don’t hate you,” you muttered under your breath. As much as you wish you did, you don’t think you could ever really hate him.

He blinked slowly and you could have sworn you saw a shimmer of hope in his expression. You tore your gaze away, studying the small fissures and cracks on the otherwise smooth pavement. 

“Oh,” he breathed almost imperceptibly. “Thank you.” 

You pretended not to hear him.

“Regardless of whether you hate me or not, I know you don’t want to see me--and I apologize for showing up so suddenly--but will you please let me bring you home safely?” Hitoshi pleaded. “Or to your friend’s house if you don’t want to be alone.”

With your lips squeezed shut, you rubbed the goosebumps off your upper arm. It was cold and your head was spinning and you had no clue what to say to him. 

Silently, Shinsou took off his outer coat and gently draped it over your shoulders, fastening the top button near the collar so it wouldn’t fall off your frame. You looked at him in surprise, unshed tears stinging the back of your eyes as you recalled all the times he’d given you his jacket while you were dating.

There were more times that you cared to admit where you conveniently “forgot” your jacket or wore too little layers on a cold day just so Hitoshi could give you his and you’d be enveloped in his scent.

And that’s exactly what was happening now. Shinsou’s coat surrounded your body like a warm hug and your nose was filled with a scent exactly like the one you remembered from when you were dating. He smelled like a sweet sandalwood with a mixture of fresh jasmine. He smelled like a field of flowers you’d find after a long trek through a woodsy forest. He smelled like home.

But he wasn’t.

In actuality, you haven’t been this close to Shinsou since your break up.

It had been years since you had seen him or talked to him or even been close enough to catch a trace of his scent. And now he was flooding every one of your senses with no care of the repercussions.

Your head was light.

You missed him. You cared for him. You never stopped loving him.

And now old wounds that never fully healed had been ripped open all at once.

“You were shivering,” Hitoshi stated quietly. “So I gave you my--”

He stopped short when he heard a sniffle coming from your direction, eyes growing wide as your buried your face in the palms of your shaking hands.

Through the cracks between your fingers, you saw Shinsou reach out to cup your face, stopping himself before he could touch you and withdrawing as if he had been burned. As stupid as it was, you wanted nothing more than to feel his touch against your skin and you found yourself involuntarily taking a half-step closer to him.

Your silent tears feel even faster. 

“Are you crying?”

Despite the droplets of water blurring your eyes, you managed to glare up at him for his dumb question. 

He grimaced. “Sorry. I’m...sorry.” 

Although you were the one crying, you still noticed the pained look on Shinsou’s face. He seemed just as conflicted as you were, his fingernails digging into the palms of his hands so hard his knuckles appeared white. 

When he opened his mouth to speak his voice sounded choked, but still gentle. “Are you okay, Y/N?” 

“Just peachy,” you murmured, barely moving your lips. The two of you stood there in awkward silence, nothing but the sounds of your labored breaths filling the air until you blurted, “Actually, you know what--? No. I’m not!”

Shinsou opened his mouth to speak but no noise came out. That was just fine by you, though. You had plenty of things you wanted to say, regardless of his response.

“I’m angry at you! And confused. And sad. And hurt! I don’t know if I want to yell at you or ignore you or run right back into your arms--” Your voice cracked and you squeezed your eyes shut, trying to slow your sharp breathing. 

You hugged yourself around your waist, painfully aware of how comforting his jacket felt around your body. A part of you wished you could just tear the coat off your shoulders, throw it onto a puddle on the floor, give Shinsou the middle finger, and turn away without looking back.

But you couldn’t. 

Instead, you let your tears continue to fall as you glowered at Hitoshi’s shoes. 

“I am so mad at you,” you managed, hands clutching the fabric at your sides. “You lied to me, Hitoshi. You lied to me and you didn’t trust me and you left!” 

The hurt from your past which you never wanted to accept mixed with anger from the present, both fueling your surge in emotions.

“And now you’re here--in front of me--acting like everything is okay?!” you shouted in exasperation. Your face was burning despite the chilling breeze outside. “Do you even care about me? Have you ever even cared about me?” 

He gritted his teeth, hurt that you would even ask that. “Of course. Of course I care about you, Y/N! Even through all these years I’ve never stopped caring about you.”

“Funny way of showing it.” 

His laugh was humorless. “I’m a fuck up. I know.” 

Your gaze softened just the slightest bit. “Hey-- I didn’t say that.” 

Shinsou shrugged. “Regardless, I did fuck up with you. And I’m so sorry for that.” 

“For which time?” By now, the tears flowing out of your eyes slowed, the remnants dried by the biting wind. You gave him a wry smile, unamused. 

“Both times,” he answered without hesitation. “I hurt you when I broke up with you for no damn reason and I lied when I told you I didn’t love you. That was the biggest lie of my life-- I still loved you. So much. But I jumped to conclusions and didn’t give you the change to explain. I owe you so much more than an apology but it’s the least I can give you right now.” 

You rolled your lower lip between your teeth, hating yourself for wanting to accept his apology and jump into his arms. He gave no excuses for what he did and his words were genuine. That much you knew for certain.

Slowly, he inched towards you. 

“I really am sorry, Y/N.” He paused. “You didn’t deserve any of that.”

You stayed silent, holding your breath as the pad of his thumb brushed against your damp cheek. Shinsou wiped away your flood of tears with a touch so gentle, it felt like a feather on your face.

His thumb lingered on your cheekbone, his fingertips lightly grazing your jaw, and you found yourself ever so slightly leaning into his palm. The tension in your muscles loosened and if you closed your eyes, you could almost pretend you were back with the Shinsou you loved in high school-- As if he never left and nothing had ever changed. 

Just for a moment, you tricked yourself into being truly happy. You tricked yourself into thinking that maybe you and Hitoshi could still be in love. 

You wanted to capture this second and replay it on an infinite loop, but just like all moments, this too had to come to an end. 

As you opened your eyes, Hitoshi reluctantly brought his hand back to his side.

“Sorry,” he said, voice hoarse. “You were crying and I just wanted to--” He shook his head, cutting himself off before his voice cracked. “I’m sorry.” 

It sounded like his apology was meant for more than just wiping some tears off your face. 

You nodded almost imperceptibly, the anger in your gaze diffused by hurt and longing. “I know.”

As the minutes passed, neither one of you made a move to step away from the other-- Your bodies mere inches apart and so close, yet never quite touching.

Suddenly, Hitoshi cleared his throat.

“Er-- If you’ll let me, I think I should bring you home now,” he said, forcibly shaking himself out of his daze and pulling his phone out. “It’s almost four in the morning.” 

Blinking, you rubbed your eyes. Not that he mentioned the time, you realized just how tired you were. You wanted to take a bubble bath, change into fluffy pajamas, and sleep until the following night. 

“Do you have to go to your flower shop tomorrow?”  

“Hmm?” You were startled. You had almost forgotten that the man in front of you was the same person you considered your “mememate.” As much as you hated to admit it, he probably knew more about you than some of your closest friends. 

Biting your lip, you snapped yourself out of it.

“Oh-- Right. My flower shop.” 

He nodded.

“No, I don’t have work tomorrow,” you answered finally. “I may not have made the smartest decisions tonight, but I’m not that irresponsible.” 

A shadow of a smile graced his face. “Of course not.” 

Fishing his keys from his pocket, Shinsou walked to the parking lot of the nightclub, looking over his shoulder to check if you were following.

When his gaze met yours you immediately stuck your tongue out at him haughtily so he knew you were only following him as a last resort and you needed to get home-- Not because you wanted to. 

You caught a glimpse of his grin before he turned around, and you managed to stop yourself before one spread to your lips as well. 

Stopping at a black car with tinted windows, Hitoshi unlocked it with his keys, opening the door of the passenger seat and waiting for you to safely enter. 

“I can open a door myself,” you murmured, sliding into the seat securely before he gently shut it close. 

“I know,” you heard his amused voice call through the window.

It felt like there was one, singular butterfly fluttering around in your stomach and causing mayhem, and you batted it away before Hitoshi could come in and see the grin on your face. 

“Did I just see you just hit yourself in the gut?” he asked when he entered through the driver’s side. 

“No.” 

“Okay.”

Subtly, you rubbed your tummy in a soft, circular motion. You hadn’t meant to punch the butterfly that hard. 

“Didn’t hit yourself, huh?” 

You flushed. “Oh, hush.” 

With a snort, Hitoshi turned the engine of his car on and you let your eyes explore the interior. It was sleek and clean, smelling like a mixture of sandalwood and new car. 

Reaching behind the gear level, he pulled out a white cord and handed it to you. You stared at the object in his hands.

“For you,” he said, with a raised brow. “You should charge your phone and let your friends know you’re on your way home.” 

Wordlessly, you accepted it from him. Careful not to let your fingers brush against his in fear of the spark it might cause.

“I messaged Kaminari earlier to let him know you were safe. But he probably wants to hear it from you.”

You nodded as you plugged your dead phone in. “Thanks.” 

He hummed, putting the car on drive and backing out of the parking spot, stopping before he reached the main street. 

“Do you know how to get home from here?” he asked. As you shook your head, Hitoshi handed you his fully charged phone that was opened on the navigation app. “You can search for your address.”

“Got it.” The air between you was almost suffocatingly awkward as you typed in where you lived, each click of the keyboard ringing into the stillness of the night. After finding turning the directions on, you handed the phone back to him. “Thanks.”

Shaking his head, he waved you off. “You don’t need to keep thanking me, Y/N. This is the least I could do.”

Averting your gaze, you twiddled your thumbs in your lap, unsure what to say. You had so much you wanted to tell him--so much you wanted to ask--but when it came to it, you froze. 

Just then, your phone made a sound from its spot near the gear shift, buzzing and lighting up as it finally turned on. A plethora of notifications filled your screen and you found yourself feeling guilty for making your friends worry like that.

Five missed calls for Kaminari, three missed calls from Todoroki, and nine missed calls from Bakugou. You gulped. You were definitely going to get your ears talked off by those three once they got a hold of you. 

But amidst the calls and texts of worry from your friends, you also noticed a handful of messages from Hitoshi. He sent you texts asking if you were okay and telling you not to worry because he was on his way to get you. There was a lump in your throat when he saw the messages were still from your mememate-- You never did get around to changing his contact name.

From the corner of your eye you saw Hitoshi glancing down at your phone screen, a look of regret apparent on his face. When he caught you staring, he directed his attention back on the road, clearing his throat as he followed the directions on the navigation system.

To think only a week ago, things were so different between the two of you. 

You thought he was a random stranger you connected with through the power of memes, never having a clue that he was your ex this whole time. You found yourself opening up and sharing your private feelings with him despite the promise you made yourself to always guard your heart. 

Even anonymously, Hitoshi climbed over your walls and found his way to the inner workings of your life. Even anonymously, he made everything feel like it was okay. 

But a part of you was scared--so scared--that it was all in your head and he was only playing you this whole time. And at this point, you were just too afraid to ask.

“Are you crying again?”

“What?!” you yelped in alarm, wiping at your slightly damp face with the sleeves of his coat. “No, you asshole!” You glared at him, a few loose tears still gathered by the corners of your eyes. You refused to let them fall through the use of sheer willpower. “The air conditioning is just blasting into my eyes.”

“The air conditioner is off.”

You blinked. “Well that makes sense. It’s so hot in here I’m just sweating through my eyes.” 

He pressed his lips together to keep from smiling. “Right.”

The lighthearted mood didn’t last very long, however, when your phone buzzed once more and the notifications from earlier tonight appeared on your lockscreen. 

“I really made everyone worry, huh?” You sighed, leaning back against the headrest and shutting your eyes, the effects of the alcohol long since worn off. “I can’t believe I did something like this.” 

He signaled a left turn and waited until he was at the red light before continuing. “I’m sorry for causing this.” 

You stared at him in confusion. “What do you mean? Causing this?”

“Yeah. If I had just told you who I was the moment I found out, this wouldn’t have happened. You wouldn’t have been scared and alone at a random nightclub and your friends wouldn’t have been in near panic for hours. Hell-- If I hadn’t run away like that all those years ago none of this would have happened.” His fingers tightened around the steering wheel so hard it left indents on the leather. “You wouldn’t have felt all the pain and heartbreak and--”

His voice grew hoarse as it broke off, as if something was tightening around his throat. Holding your breath, you gazed at him in concern.

You were angry at Hitoshi and thought he had a lot of explaining to do-- Sure. But...for him to blame himself for everything that happened? That was more weight than anyone should bear on their own. 

Surprising both him and yourself, you firmly placed your hand on top of his as he gripped the steering wheel. His hands were cold and rough from the wind, and you were certain yours weren’t much better. But still, you held him. And still, it felt right. 

“Not everything is your fault, Toshi,” you said quietly, his old nickname slipping out of your mouth before you could stop it, like it was natural for you to call him that.

His eyes widened and a flush filled your cheeks. 

You coughed to relieve the tension in your neck. “I just mean… You don’t need to blame yourself for everything. You messed up and there’s no denying that, but this isn’t all your fault. I mean it.” 

Your eyes met before he tore his gaze away to focus on driving. Quickly, you retracted your hand from on top of Shinsou’s, cradling it against your stomach as you felt the burn from his skin linger on yours.

“Thank you.” His voice was solemn and grateful, as if he needed to hear those words at least once in his life. “You’re too caring, you know? Your heart is too good.” 

You let out a breath of laughter, brushing his compliment off. “Yours is too. It’s just been through some shit. And maybe didn’t make the best decisions.”

“It most definitely didn’t.”

Though neither of you were looking at each other, there was a shared sense of happiness between the two of you--regardless of how brief it may have been. There was a small smile playing on your face as you bit your lip to keep it from growing wider. 

You hadn’t fully forgiven Hitoshi, he still had some explaining to do, but you felt a sense of calmness when you realized that maybe forgiveness would be possible.

Before you knew it, you heard the navigator say, “Your destination is on the right,” as Hitoshi pulled up at the curb in front of your building.

“We’re here,” he announced slowly, one hand on the gear level as if he wasn’t sure what to do next. 

There was an awkward silence as you unplugged your phone from his car charger. It wasn’t that you wanted to spend more time with him exactly (that was definitely not the case), but rather you had more questions to ask. And what better time to figure out those questions than at four in the morning? 

“You’ve been driving for a while…” you trailed off, hoping he caught the hint without too much embarrassment on your part. “Do you want to use the restroom before you drive back home?”

Hitoshi scratched the back of his neck. “No, I’m good. I wasn’t out for that long.”

“O-Oh,” you stuttered, a sudden feeling of nerves settling in your stomach. Not those damned butterflies again. “Well, how about… Maybe you want a glass of water or a cup of tea?” 

He gave you a curious look but set his car to park and turned off the engine nonetheless. “Sure…? Some water would be nice.”

You let out a sigh of relief you didn’t know you were holding, pulling your keys out of your pocket and unbuckling your seatbelt. Before you could open the car door for yourself, Hitoshi was already on the passenger’s side ready to open it for you. 

“I know how to open a door,” you muttered with a roll of your eye, but felt a faint flush litter your cheeks nonetheless. You hopped out of your seat, accepting the hand he offered to stead you. “But...thank you.” 

“No worries.” 

For someone you were still mad at, he was making it damn hard for you to stay petty. 

Despite the light throbbing in your head, both from drinking too much alcohol and from staying up too late, you were able to lead him inside your living room with no complications--only struggling with unlocking the door just a little. 

“Welcome to my house,” you said, flapping your arms around and fidgeting in place. You slid off your shoes and placed them at the doorway and Hitoshi followed suit. “You can, uh, sit on the couch while I get you water. Or you can follow me into the kitchen…?”

Your eyes scanned the floors and furniture of your apartment. You liked maintaining your living space clean and clutter-free, so it wasn’t too much of a mess. Still, you weren’t expecting any guests and it wasn’t as nice as it could have been…

You shook your head, giving your face a light slap when you thought no one was looking. You shouldn’t be bothered. It was just Hitoshi here. Someone you most definitely no longer cared about. 

Or so you kept telling yourself.

He followed behind you, grabbing at his neck and glancing between your walls and you, unsure what to look at in this new environment. After all, it wasn’t everyday you picked up your ex that you haven’t seen for four years at a bar only to be invited into their house.

“I can go with you to the kitchen,” he answered with uncertainty.

“G-Great!” 

You grimaced. When did you become Tony the Tiger all of a sudden? 

As you grabbed two glasses from the cupboard, you filled them up with ice and water, setting one next to Shinsou on the countertop. 

He accepted it. “Thank you.” 

You nodded and there was an awkward silence, both of you taking long sips from your glass, not knowing where to go from here. You knew you wanted to talk to him, but what were you going to ask exactly? What was the right way to go about this situation?

Next to you, Hitoshi looked like he was having some inner struggles of his own. His fingers flexed and unflexed around the cool glass, both avoiding your gaze and looking at you at the same time.

Biting your lip, you turned to look at him. As uncomfortable as it was, there was no better time to ask than now.

“Can we talk--?”

“We should talk--”

You both started and stopped at the same time.

There was a beat of elongated silence before the two of you laughed. Shaking your head, you buried your face in your hands, peering at him between your fingers. 

“This is silly,” you cried in embarrassment. “Why are we so awkward?” 

Hitoshi shrugged as a flustered laugh escaped his own lips. “Because this is weird. This is a strange situation we’re in and no one would ever expect something like this to happen.”

“Exactly!” 

“But,” he continued, almost hesitantly, “I’m kind of glad it did, though.” 

Your own laughter quieted down as the mood became more serious. You drank another gulp of water to quench your suddenly parched throat. 

“Can we talk in the living room?” you asked, heading towards the hallway when Hitoshi nodded. You figured if you were going to have an uncomfortable conversation, you may as well try to find some comfort in your warm and plush sofa.

You sat down at the edge near the armrest and he took a seat not too far from you. There was less than a cushion space separating the two of you and if you were to move a few inches, your thighs would be touching. 

Tearing your gaze away from your legs, you looked up to face Hitoshi. “You don’t have to answer, but… There have been some questions on my mind lately.” 

He nodded, as if expecting you to say that. “Ask away. It’s the least I could do.”

You curled your legs and hugged your knees to your chest, peering at him through your lashes. 

“Okay,” you said somewhat unsurely. Confrontation was never easy. “Why didn’t you tell me you knew who I was? How long were you planning on keeping it from me?”

Hitoshi ran a hand through his hair, tufts of purple sticking out in random patterns. Somehow, it suited him.

“I found out a day or so before you confessed to liking...your mememate,” he admitted. He had told you this through text when you asked, but hearing it a second time didn’t make it hurt any less. “I was going to tell you that day, too. But then you told me you liked me and I didn’t know how to break it to you then.”

You looked away, embarrassed at the reminder of the night you poured your heart out to him. He knew you were his ex the whole time and still didn’t stop you? You scoffed, “Well, you could’ve stopped me before I humiliated myself like that.”

“Humiliate-- How?”

“What do you mean how?” You glared. “I totally embarrassed myself that night by saying how much I liked you--my ex!--only to have you basically reject me on the spot!” 

“I didn’t reject you.”

“I told you that you were the first person I liked since...well you,” you said, rubbing your temples to ease your own confusion. “And you never said it back. Not that you needed to. It’s totally fine that you don’t. It’s just that… I don’t even know. I just wish I never said anything.”

He placed the glass he was holding onto a coaster on your coffee table, shaking his head.

“I’m sorry,” said Hitoshi. “But that’s not it at all. I wasn’t trying to reject you. I would’ve told you I liked you back-- I wanted to, I swear.” 

Your head snapped to his. He wanted to tell you? As in he started liking you too? Even when he didn’t know who you were?

With a wistful smile, he continued, “But it wasn’t fair to you. Not when I knew who you were and you didn’t know who I was. You didn’t deserve that bullshit.” 

You stretched your legs out so they were dangling off the couch, folding one carefully over the other as you crossed your arms. “Then you should’ve just told me the truth about who you were.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” He hung his head. “And if I did, you never would’ve told me your feelings.”

“Exactly,” you huffed. “They’d be safe and locked away in my heart until they disappeared.” 

He was silent as you turned his body towards yours, resting his arm on the back cushions of the sofa.

“Is that really what you want, though?” he asked. “You’re so kind and beautiful and you deserve to open your heart to someone and be happy with them.” A flush rose to your cheeks at his sudden words of kindness but you shook it away. “I never knew I hurt you so badly that you were scared to love again-- And I’ll hate myself everyday for that.” 

“Hitoshi…” Your gaze softened. You wanted to reach out and smooth down his hair but you couldn’t. 

He hurt you, yes. But to hate himself and never forgive himself for it? You thought that was far too extreme. 

“When you broke up with me,” you started slowly, unsure how to go about this, “you said that our relationship was nothing more than some cheap dates and sex.” He winced, holding his stomach as if he felt nauseous. “If you’re so regretful now, why did you ever say something like that? Did I really mean nothing to you?” 

“No-- Of course you meant something to me. Y/N, you were everything to me. And it’s ridiculous of me to say this now but I never wanted to hurt you like that,” Hitoshi said, his eyes squeezed shut. “But I did and I’m so sorry. I thought if I told you those mean things you would find it easier to just hate me and move on. Be with Kaminari or someone who could make you happy.” 

You glared at him with both sadness and anger, nails digging into your palms. “I was happy. With you. Is that so hard to believe?”

“A little.”

Taken aback, you stared at him. You weren’t sure what response you were expecting, but it certainly wasn’t that. 

“But not because of anything you did,” he rushed before you could get the wrong idea. “I just thought you were a good person who truly deserved something better than what I could give. You should be with someone who wasn’t anxious and insecure and messed up.” 

You were unsure if you wanted to smack Hitoshi or give him a hug, so you sat there stock-still.

“Even when I saw you with Kaminari, a part of me thought it would be better off that way,” he admitted, a scornful look on his face as he scoffed at himself. “But that wasn’t my call to make, was it? And how I went about it was wrong and dishonest. I’m really sorry.” 

He tugged at a loose thread on the sofa while staring at you in earnest. There were so many things to say and not enough time in the night to say it. 

“You’re right. It wasn’t your call,” you said, furrowing your brows. “I wish you would’ve told me you were feeling this way all those years ago. I loved you--regardless of what you may have thought. And what you said really hurt me.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I fucked up and hurt you more deeply than I could’ve ever imagined. You felt like you couldn’t have feelings for anyone for all those years because of what I did, and if I could take it all back, I would.” 

His hand trembled slightly as he reached out to cup your face, pulling away harshly before he could touch you. 

“You deserve to find love, Y/N. Even if it’s not with me because I know I have no right to anyone’s heart after what I did--”

“Hey, don’t say that!” you interrupted, a wrinkle forming as you scrunched up your nose. You frowned at him. “You deserve to find love again, too. You may have messed up a few times, and I’m not going to pretend like I wasn’t hurt, but I still care about you. A lot. And just because you made some really bad decisions doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to ever be happy.” 

He looked down at his lap, hands curled into fists by his side. You had the sinking suspicion he didn’t believe you.

Swallowing your pride, you inched closer to him, lightly lifting his chin so he stared at you face-to-face. The dark purple of his eyes stormed as a conflicted expression overcame him and you wanted to run a finger over his brow and brush the insecurities away.

Quietly, you whispered, “You’re so worthy of love, Hitoshi. And it makes me so sad that you still haven’t realized it.” 

You felt a piece of your heart chip as he pulled away from you, gritting his teeth as he hung his head. When he spoke, his voice sounded choked, as if he was holding back tears.

“You’ve shown me too much kindness,” he said, words shakey. “Even after I assumed you cheated and broke up with you in the cruelest way possible--” 

His voice cracked and he couldn’t speak. With his gaze avoiding yours he pushed himself off the couch.

“God, I’m sorry,” Hitoshi muttered, his face a look of self-disdain. “I shouldn’t even be here in your life right now. I should just--”

Your hand grabbed the one he used to shove himself off your sofa, holding his fingers tight in between yours. With your head bowed, you called, “Don’t leave again. Not yet.”

He froze in his spot, one leg immobile in front of the other in the direction of the door. Desperately, you tugged at his arm so he looked back at you. Your eyes pleaded with him. This wasn’t the end. It couldn’t be the end until you received your closure and Hitoshi received his. 

“You know that night we played Truth or Drink?” you asked, breaking the silence. 

He stared back at you curiously, slowly sitting down as you patted the seat next to you. Cautiously, he nodded in response.

That night was a pivotal time in bonding with your mememate and it was the closest you had felt with anyone besides your best friends.

Continuing, you said, “You told me about your dad cheating on your mom. And then seeing me and Denki the next day after I lied about who I was with.” 

There was no accusatory tone in your voice, and you stated it as if you were recalling the facts. But still, Hitoshi winced. 

“Yeah, shit.” He placed his palm over his forehead, rubbing at his temple as he grimaced. “I really just jumped to conclusions like that and it was unfair to you. I’m so sorry.”

You didn’t reply to his apology, but gave him a small smile. “That night, I told you I thought your response was understandable. It made sense that you were mistrustful at the time. Especially after just finding out about your parents-- People I know you looked up to. Even in regards to love.” 

Hitoshi wore a guarded expression, but still listened keenly to what you had to say. 

“Toshi… My opinion on that doesn’t change just because I now know it was me you were talking about.” 

“Y/N--”

“Don’t get me wrong,” you clarified, not wanting to sound too lenient. “I’m still hurt that you couldn’t trust me. I wish you confronted me so we could’ve cleared up the misunderstanding. I wish you hadn’t stood me up on our anniversary date. But most importantly… I wish I could have been there for you when you found out about your parents.” 

Hitoshi sat there in silence, mouth opening but unable to form the sentences he wanted. 

You gave him a look of regret, one hand still not letting go of his even as he stayed seated beside you. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.”

“It’s not your fault. At all.”

As you shook your head, he faltered. “Still, you went to America, alone, and never told anyone what was wrong. You kept all these feelings to yourself this whole time and I hate that so much.” 

“I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone. I don’t deserve to--”

Your fingers twitched. How many times was he going to beat himself while he was already down? 

“Stop saying that!” you snapped, unable to contain your emotions. “You are not a burden. And you deserve so much more than you think you do.” 

His eyes widened at your outburst and his lips parted slightly. 

“It’s good you know what you did was wrong-- You can’t pretend lying and making assumptions was okay because it’s not. But you know it’s not! And you acknowledge that and it seems like you regret it.” Your voice took on a desperate tone as you tried to get Hitoshi to see his mistakes as something separate from his worth as a whole. “You’ve made mistakes, but you can grow from them. Fucking up doesn’t mean you’re undeserving of love and happiness. You don’t have to take all the blame onto yourself.” 

“How can I not take the blame?” he asked, his frustration at himself matching yours. “If I had been a better boyfriend, I would have trusted you more. If I had been a better person, I wouldn’t have lied to you. And maybe if I had been a better son, my parents--”

As if your body had a mind of its own, you threw your arms around him in a hug before he could finish his sentence. You heard a sharp inhale come from him as he sat, rigid.

“Don’t,” you whispered, breathing harshly as you held him tight. “Please, Toshi. Don’t say that. If no one ever told you this, please listen to me then. It’s not your fault. Your parents divorcing has nothing to do with your worth. Don’t blame yourself for the issues they had.” 

His shoulders were still tense despite the shudder of tears you felt.

“You don’t need to blame yourself for everything. Hold yourself accountable, yes. Always strive to be a better person, yes. But don’t think it’s all your fault,” you pleaded. “You don’t have to handle everything on your own. You can lean on someone, Toshi.” You gently stroked the hair on the back of his head. “You can lean on me.” 

At your words, you felt him visibly relax, his body free of the tension as you held him close. 

Suddenly, his arms wrapped around you as he returned your embrace, his strong hands firmly gripping your waist as if he never wanted to let you go. You found yourself loosening up at his touch and you placed your head in his chest. 

Peering up at him through your lashes, you said, “I don’t know if you need to hear this, but I need to say it.” 

His thumb stroked the length of your spine as you continued. 

“I forgive you, Hitoshi. For everything.” He stopped moving as he looked at you in surprise. You simply smiled at him. “Your apologies were genuine and so is your regret. I know you’re a good person and I forgive you, so please stop blaming yourself now.” 

“Thank you, Y/N. So much.” He pulled away ever so slightly, feelings of guilt still flooding him. “But I feel like I still don’t deserve it though--”

A noise of protest bubbled up at your throat. “I swear to god, if I hear the d-word come out of your mouth again, I’ll make you shut up.” After a moment’s pause, you tried to hide your laughter. “Heh. D-word.”

“Oh my god,” he said, his amusement escaping him. With his arms still around your waist, he challenged, “How would you make me shut up?”

You wiggled your eyebrows. “Wouldn’t you like to know.” 

Hitoshi laughed a genuine laugh that you haven’t heard in years. The deep rumble had a smile of your own forming on your lips. 

But the mood turned serious when you gazed into his eyes again.

“Really, though…” you said, squeezing the fabric at his sides. “I’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way for so long without telling anyone. I hope you know you can always talk to me.” 

He tilted his head back, staring at your ceiling as you caught sight of his Adam’s apple. “Why are you being so nice to me after how much I hurt you?”

“Because I care about you,” you answered simply. “And I know you still care about me. You wouldn’t be this hung up over everything if you didn’t.” 

There was a sort of smugness in you as you teased him and he let out a breath of laughter. 

“Hah. I do. I care about you. And I’ve missed you so much.” 

You didn’t think it was possible, but he hugged you even closer to him. Your arms released their embrace on Hitoshi as you brought them to your sides. He looked down at you with a strange expression.

“I’ve missed you, too,” you admitted, squeezing your eyes shut as if it pained you. “You’re the first and only person I’ve ever loved and I miss you more than you could ever know.” 

Your head was bowed at his chest as you tried to steady your trembling hands by grasping the fabric at the front of his shirt.

“Why did you never call me? Why didn’t you tell me you were moving to another continent? Toshi, I loved you so much--” Your voice broke off as the tears you were holding in escaped you. “Why did you leave me?” 

His fingers were laced in your hair, holding you tight. He wanted nothing more than to soothe your tears and hated himself for being the cause of them. “I’m an insecure idiot who fucked up the best thing that ever happened to him.” 

Through the blur of tears, you saw the wistful look on his face. The best thing? you thought to yourself, touched. 

“No amount of apologizing is going to fix anything,” he said, accepting it as a fact, “but I am so sorry. And I want you to know I’m grateful the person who AirDropped me that day was you.”

He lifted your chin and wiped your tears away with the pad of his thumb. Your knees were touching his thighs as you sat down with your legs folded under you, facing him. Letting go of the grip you had on his shirt, you unballed your fists and instead rested your palms on his chest.

You grinned at the audacity of it all. “I still can’t believe that happened. But I’m glad it did, too.”

“Must be a small world.”

“Or maybe it’s fate.” Your hand found his as you interlocked pinkies with him bashfully. 

Hitoshi looked down at your interlaced fingers and a light dusting of pink colored his cheeks. A sense of enjoyment filled you as he continued to blush, a teasing grin playing on your face. 

Before you lost any courage you had, you pressed your lips against the corner of his mouth-- Not quite a kiss but most definitely an invitation for one.

The red on his cheeks died down as his eyes darkened in color, removing his hand from your waist to cup your jaw. Hitoshi’s palm was warm and soft against you and you leaned into his caress.

“Do you feel like you got the closure you needed?” he asked, his voice a whisper as he leaned close to you. 

“Yes.” You nodded, painfully aware of your close proximity. If you were to lift your head up any more, your lips would brush against his. “Do you?”

“Yes.” 

His forehead was pressed against yours and your heart was being so hard, you were certain Hitoshi could hear it from his spot in front of you.

After a moment’s silence, you said, “Now what?” 

He shrugged, eyes shut. “That’s up to you to decide. I’m happy with doing whatever will make you happiest. And if that means leaving you alone and letting you close this chapter, then I--”

You yelped, silencing him with a gentle shove on the chest.

“Are you crazy?” you asked incredulously. “You think I would ever let you go again?” There was frustration in your voice as you resisted the temptation to kiss the stupidity out of him. “I… I mean, unless that’s what you want?” 

“Y/N…” Now he was the one with the tone of disbelief, like he couldn’t wrap his mind around what you had just said. “I’d want to stay with you. For as long as you’d let me.”

“O-Oh?” Your eyes widened in shock, but soon settled into an ecstatic smile. “Fate must have done us a favor with all this AirDrop stuff, huh? I fell for you all those years ago as Shinsou, and I fell for you again without even knowing who you were. There’s no way I’d throw that chance away.” 

Tired of waiting for him to make the first move, you brought your hands to the back of his neck, and lifted your head up to meet his. You spotted an amused look on his face, but it didn’t last very long when your lips finally pressed against his with a contented sigh.

His movements were gentle and slow, like he was afraid if he kissed you any harder he would find this was only an illusion that would shatter. But it wasn’t. It was real and it was genuine and you wanted to prove it to him. 

You broke away from his touch to pepper chaste kisses on his jawline, starting at the lobe of his ear and making your way down to the sensitive part of his throat you knew would drive him crazy, your hot breath blowing against his neck as a guttural sound escaped him.

“Eager, are we?” he asked hoarsely, his chin lifted. 

You grinned mischievously against him.

“As much as I appreciate the gesture,” said Hitoshi, gently pushing you away with a roguish glint in his eyes, “you don’t always have to keep giving. You should be spoiled for a change.”

You squealed when his hands trailed down your sides to cup the undersides of your thighs, lifting you up as you sat down on his lap. His hands unclasped the button that fastened his coat on you and brushed the collar aside, exposing the supple skin on your upper chest.

“You should be spoiled,” he breathed in between each kiss he planted on your decolletage, “every day of your life.”

Your face burned at the implication of his words, the skin his mouth had touched feeling like they were searing hot. Though his jacket had fallen off your shoulders, you were still overwhelmed by his scent, the woodsy citrus filling your senses as you sighed his name and you still couldn’t get enough. He was more intoxicating than any vodka you had consumed earlier that night. 

Growing impatient at his teasing, you squirmed on his lap, causing him to hiss in response. 

You giggled at his expression and stuck your tongue out at him. “Just kiss me already.”

Tossing his inhibitions to the side, he obliged. 

When your lips met again, this time it wasn’t uncertain and gentle. Each move Hitoshi made was firm and deliberate and if you weren’t already sitting down, your knees would have gone weak and given in.

His teeth grazed your lower lip and he kissed you harder, and your hands found themselves tangled underneath the hem of his shirt. The skin on your arms filled with goosebumps as he mimicked your motions, his fingers toying with the clasp of your bra as his name escaped your lips once more in a strangled moan.

Before it could go any further, however, Hitoshi removed his hands from the band of your undergarments and slowly pulled away from your kiss. 

His face was flushed with beads of sweat falling down the side and his breathing was labored. You were certain you weren’t any better as you rested your forehead against his to steady yourself. 

“Why’d you stop?” you asked with a strained voice, giving him your best pleading eyes.

“It’s late and you need some rest, baby.” He pressed a soft kiss to your nose with a smile. “I don’t want to stop--believe me,” he promised, his hands squeezing your thighs that still straddled his lap, “but I also don’t want you to rush into anything you might regret.” 

You pouted, not wanting him to stop, but also feeling grateful he wanted to make sure you weren’t going to do anything you would regret the next day.

“Damn you for being such a gentleman,” you grumbled. 

He ran the tip of his tongue against his lower lip. It was plump and red and it took all your willpower not to kiss it again.

“Only sometimes, princess,” he said when he noticed how your gaze zeroed in on his mouth. “But for now, you should get ready for bed. The sun is almost rising already.” 

Hitoshi made a move to get up and you slowly unwrapped your legs from his hips, standing up shakily. He placed his hands on your hips to help you steady yourself, but that just made the weakness worse. 

Still holding you, he stood up from the couch and looked down at you, resting his chin on the top of your head as you hugged him. 

“You’re leaving?” you whimpered, a pout on your face. 

“Sadly,” he sighed. “I have work tomorrow. Well, in a few hours I suppose. But if you need me to stay I--”

“Oh, my god!” you cried, jumping away from him. “You have work? And yet you still came for me and let me keep you this whole time?! Toshi!” 

You folded your arms across your chest as you scolded him, but he just ruffled your hair playfully. 

“It was the least I could do,” said Hitoshi. “And I’m used to running on little to no sleep. It’s fine, don’t worry about me.” 

“It’s not fine! If you don’t get enough sleep this week I will smother you until you pass out.” You glared at him, holding his face between your hands and examining his tired eyes. Your gaze softened when you saw how sleepy he looked and thought about how well he hid it from everyone. You sighed. “And I think you’re a lot more selfless and caring than you give yourself credit for.” 

You kissed the apples of his cheeks and smoothed his brows. 

“Thank you for tonight,” you said. “You should get going.”

“No, you’re the one I should be thanking,” he replied, giving you one last embrace before getting ready to head towards the door. 

Both of your legs felt like lead, neither of you wanting to leave the other after years of being apart. With a smile, he moved towards the door. 

In silence, you examined him for the first time in four years. He was taller than before-- Bulkier, too. It looked like he worked out since he was in college, his plain shirt stretching against his pectoral muscles. 

But still, he was the same Shinsou Hitoshi you had always loved. 

You glanced at his bared arms and your eyes widened. “Oh, wait--! Your coat!” 

It had fallen off your shoulders and onto the floor during the heat of the moment, and you picked it up and brought it to him. As you held it out, his hands wrapped your outstretched ones around the fabric of his sweater. 

“No, it’s okay,” he said with a shake of his head and a small grin on his lips. “You should keep it. It suits you.”

You raised an eyebrow at him in warning, but hugged the coat to your body nonetheless. “I hope you know this means I’m never giving it back to you now.” 

Hitoshi laughed. “I figured.”

He was about to grab the door knob when you blurted, “O-Or maybe I could give it back to you! If we were to, I don’t know, meet up for some food this week?” 

Turning back in surprise, he was met with a look of utter embarrassment on your face. Your cheeks felt like they were on fire. 

You bit your lip, unsure what had just come over you when you asked him on a date but also not regretting it for a moment. 

“Only if you want,” you murmured, suddenly feeling more bashful. 

Taking the hint, Hitoshi looked at you with a mix of wonder and amusement. “Sure. I’ll get some food with you just to have my coat back.” 

You gasped, cheeks burning. “You know what? Never mind, I’m keeping this--!”

“I’m kidding,” he laughed, tone still teasing. “The jacket is just a bonus. What I’d really be there for is...the food.”

You buried your head in your hands and sighed. “I-- Why do I have to like you?” 

He shrugged, feeling just as lost as you were. “Because feelings are strange.” 

“They are,” you agreed. “But they’re worth it. And so are you.”

Hitoshi smiled as you gave him a gentle kiss goodnight. 

“Have a safe drive home, Toshi.”

“Thank you. Go get some sleep now, kitten. We can talk when you wake up.” 

You nodded feverishly, almost bouncing in anticipation at the thought of talking to him again. “I’m going to sleep right now so I wake up faster and get to talk to you sooner.”

A chuckle of surprise left his lips before he could stop himself. “You’re such a dork, you know? But I love that about you.”

Your face heated at the sound of the l-word as the two of you stared at each other, both in shock that the night happened and even happier that it did. 

“I… I should go now,” he said in a daze. He didn’t want to leave and you didn’t want him to, but you knew he had work soon. 

You nodded, waving at him as he left your house. “See you soon, Hitoshi.”

When the door closed shut behind him, you slumped a little. Tired and exhausted yet wishing you could see him soon. Though it might have been foolish, you couldn’t help but wish he was feeling the same.

Grabbing your phone on the coffee table, you unlocked it to check the time. You were about to shut it off and put it in your pocket when a notification bubble popped up on your screen.

“AirDrop: mememate would like to share a note,” it read, and a grin spread across your lips as you eagerly pressed accept. 

The notepad application immediately opened up on your phone and you read the small message on the off-white display.

mememate: can’t wait for our date, y/n. p.s. i really really like you.

Letting out a surprised cry of joy, you held your phone to your chest, hugging it along with Hitoshi’s jacket he had left you. 

From the other side of the door, Hitoshi had heard your scream and responded with a laugh of his own. A feeling of warmth in his heart as he placed his phone in his pocket and headed for his car. Thank goodness for AirDrop. 

Your heart was pounding and your lips were still pulsing from the way he kissed you. Even as you got ready for bed and drifted off into a restful sleep, the silly smile never fell from your face. 

You were grateful he came to get you at the nightclub, and you were grateful he was the recipient of your memes that day at the amusement park. 

He made mistakes in the past and you were no saint either, but you had an opportunity to heal those wounds and be with Hitoshi again. 

And you just couldn’t wait for your next date together. 

a/n: AHHH THAT WAS A LOT,, pls let me know what you think! i know some readers never want to forgive shinsou at all and that’s okay, but i do think y/n forgives him and still really cares about him [and maybe l-words him? o.o] so i hope u support it 🥺 ilysm and thank you for reading! lmk ur thoughts !! xx 

[realcube]

jealous haikyuu!! boys

summary: the haikyuu!! boys getting jealous over you talking to a boy but as it turns out, that boy is in fact your relative 

characters: third year gym squad (lev, hinata, bokuto, kuroo, tsukishima & akaashi)

thank you to anon for this sweet request! 💖

(y/n) = your name

(b/n) = brother’s name

tw// sexual references, swearing

Lev Haiba 

he was already in a sour mood from practise bc kenma, kuroo & yaku had all ganged up on him so he was getting beat left, right & centre 

so he was feeling extra confrontational when he laid eyes on you laughing and chatting with some other guy, in the spot where you usually stand and wait for him after practise 

he was so mad >:( 

like he just had a shitty day at school and now some punk was trying to flirt with you- and you didn’t seem to be uncomfortable either 

DOES HIS SUFFERING KNOW NO END?! 😩😭

grrr like he had spent 90% of the day looking forward to seeing you and now you were talking to some other guy like he didn’t even exist :( 

a part of him knew that he was being overdramatic but the other part of him was like ‘all feelings are valid, lev. 💕💖💗’

like he literally worked so hard to be the best boyfriend possible and this guy thought he could just swoop in and steal your heart??? without even letting you braid his hair yet??? 

yeah, lev had spent too much money on cat keychains to lose you this far into the game 

also he loves you pls don’t leave him rn (y/n) 😭

so he marched up to you with a frown, grabbing your hand and placing a kiss on the back just like he usually does as a greeting, ‘hi, babe.’ he murmured.

your attention immediately shifted onto your boyfriend and you automatically pouted upon seeing his glum expression, ‘hiya. are you okay, hun? rough day at scho--’

he held your hand by his lips and muttered from behind your knuckles, ‘who’s this?’ he inquired, vaguely gesturing to your brother

‘oh, lev! this is my brother! i don’t think y’all have met yet.’

lev blinked rapidly at what you just said, ‘brother? like- male sibling.’

you nodded while simultaneously quirking an eyebrow at his need for clarification at the simplest piece of information, ‘yes. my male sibling.’

lev let out a heavy sigh of relief as his lips curled into a smile, softening his grip on your hand, allowing you to pull it away, ‘ah, okay.’

then he turned to your brother and stuck out his hand, ‘nice to mee-- you don’t look anything like (y/n).’ he chirped, all trances of sadness leaving his face - it was kinda creepy how quickly he was able to do that 

model tingz

your brother shrugged, ‘yeah.’ he hastily took lev’s hand, giving it a firm shake before turning on his heels, ‘i should really get going now, bye!’ he called out before rushing off, quite intimidated by the fact you had a skyscraper for a boyfriend 

lev turned to you, a warm smile now gracing his features

‘uh, where did all your gloom go? you looked miserable just a few seconds ago!’ you inquired, playfully poking his cheek

lev shrugged, poking your forehead in retaliation, ‘i don’t know. i’m here with you now so i guess i don’t have a reason to be sad.’ he said nonchalantly, forgetting the fact he had gotten the results for his midterms today and he had failed maths horribly

but who need maths when you’re a model yk?

Shōyō Hinata

bruh- hinata didn’t even notice you were talking to someone UIEFGBVFE

once practise was over he literally just ran up and threw himself at you 

he has selective vision, he only sees the things he wants to see and rn, all he wants to see you under the moonlight 🥺

so he wraps you in a hug and peppers your face in kisses just like he usually does when he greets you after practise

then he noticed that there was some guy standing next to you, aggressively tapping your shoulder to request your attention even though hinata was clearly trying to tell you about his day at practise 

he unintentionally scowled at the boy before cocking his head to the side and asking, ‘who are you?’ 

although this tone of voice didn’t seem too nasty; given the context - accompanied by the sour look on his face - the question seemed to have threatening undertones

you’re brother blinked rapidly before uttering, ‘i’m (b/n).’

he continued to stare daggers at the guy, ‘what do you want from (y/n)?’

‘the maths homework answers.’ your brother chuckled, continuing to playfully poke your shoulder until hinata swatted his hand away

‘she doesn’t owe you an--’

you were extremely confused as to why hinata took up such a serious demeanour but then you realised that he had never met your brother before, so hinata probably thought there was just some creepy harassing you for the homework answers

although you were charmed by your boyfriend’s attempts to be ‘scary’ for you, you still felt the need to intervene

‘oh, shōyō. that’s my brother, by the way.’ you hummed, awkwardly rubbing the back of your neck

both your brother and your boyfriend slowly turned their heads to look at you, sharing the same dumbfounded look

‘your brother?!’ hinata exclaimed while your brother now looked rather offended, ‘you didn’t tell your boyfriend about me- rude!’

to be fair, your one year anniversary with shōyō was approaching so you feel foolish about not telling him about your brother sooner- it’s just that it never really crossed your mind

‘i’m fucking leaving.’ (b/n) spat, turning on his heels; trying to make it seem like he was storming out because he was upset that you hadn’t mentioned him to your boyfriend but in reality, he was just getting tired of prying at you for the homework answers

‘i’m fucking leaving too!’ hinata hissed, imitating your brother’s actions until he got the gate of the school, then he turned back around and shuffled back over to you 

he pulled you into a hug, resting his chin on your shoulder and squeezing your waist tight as he whispered into your ear, ‘do you have any other secret siblings that you want to tell me about?’

you giggled, pressing a gentle kiss onto his collarbone ‘i don’t think so.’ 

Kōtarō Bokuto

mans thought you were leaving him 🥺

like why would you talk to another guy when you had a cool ace bf already? (˘･_･˘)

in bokuto’s mind, that could only mean one thing;

YOU WERE GOING TO LEAVE HIM FOR AN EVEN COOLER ACE BOYFRIEND!! ヽ(*。>Д<)o゜

and the fact your brother was wearing a jersey didn’t help either

like, he doesn’t often get jealous when you talk to other guys but this one was wearing a JERSEY FFS!!! that meant he must be cool >:(((

also, you were laughing!

yeah, you sometimes laugh when you talk to akaashi or boys in your class but this time it was different 

the guy looked familiar but bokuto couldn’t put a finger on who he was - but he knew that the guy wasn’t from Fukurōdani as the colors of his jersey were a fruity teal and white - and this made him feel even more uneasy

bokuto knew what he had to do

he had to win you back by being thE COOLEST ACE BOYFRIEND!!

he ran a hand through his hair to it was extra spiky before swaggering up to you; chin up, back straight and chest puffed out

‘sup, doll.’ he said with a wink, forcing his voice to deepen

you sighed, upon hearing this unusual nickname, it didn’t take you long to figure out what was going on

bokuto didn’t even let you reply as he dropped to one knee and gently took you hand - making both you and your brother’s breath hitch in unison, thinking that you were about to witness a proposal and knowing bokuto, that didn’t seem completely impossible

however, instead of pulling out a ring; he pressed a tender kiss against you knuckles before pulling the pair of earbuds you had left at his house yesterday, out of his pocket and lowering his head as he held them out for you

‘i humbly offer these to thee.’

‘how did you go from a pimp to prince in 3 seconds?’ you inquired, snatching your earbuds from him while shooting him a disapproving look 

(b/n) couldn’t help but snicker at your boyfriends little performance, ‘i see he’s not changed a bit.’

bokuto hummed, looking over to meet eyes with your brother 

(b/n) smiled shot him a warm smile, ‘hi, bokut--’

‘do i know you?’

you instinctively gasped while your brother just laughed, ‘i’m (b/n); (y/n)’s brother. we met once after one of your games, remember?’

bokuto did not remember - at all - but he trusted that it did happen as that’d explain why he seemed so familiar

to avoid appearing any more ignorant, bokuto just nodded in agreement, ‘oh, yeah! it’s all coming back to me now.’ he chuckled awkwardly while getting up from his knee, ‘you just look so different with your jersey on, man.’

you rolled your eyes at how poor bokuto’s lying skills were but perhaps you should be more disappointed in your brother as he actually fell for it 

‘oh, for real?’ (b/n) asked, looking down at his chest while wondering if jersey really did the trick

needless to say, bokuto never forgot your brother’s face ever again lmao

Tetsurō Kuroo

upon exiting the building (after practise) and seeing you conversing with some guy by the school gates, he wasted no time in ripping his shirt off and parading over to you 

he mentally reassured himself that he had no need to be jealous bc there was no way you’d leave his fine-ass for some average guy that made you laugh by the school gate-- WAIT YOU WERE LAUGHING!?!? ◉_◉

 i mean, kuroo had made you laugh before- but you were just being so nice to this guy who he’d never seen around the school before which stressed him

plus, the guy looked like he was in college so kuroo was extremely worried that you might leave him for an older guy bc he had heard from yaku that some ppl like older men 😭😭

he could not let this happen ✋

his shirt now served as a scarf hanging around his neck as he strutted up to you, placing his hand on your shoulder to grab your attention

he wasn’t sure whether to go for the intimidation tactic or perhaps redirect your attention off of the guy and back onto your dearest boyfriend; so he went with both

‘(y/n)?’ he spoke, lowering his voice so it was more raspy - like his morning voice which he knew you were obsessed with

although kuroo is not ‘chemistry nerd’ smart, he definitely knows how to play his cards right IEFBERGLIEABVR

you hummed in response, swiftly turning to look at him before letting out a cackle upon seeing your half-naked boyfriend standing behind you

‘hey! don’t laugh at me!’ kuroo whined, his mask of confidence quickly shattering

‘put your shirt back on, tetsurō!’ you panted through guffaws, clutching your chest to prevent your heart from beating out of your chest 

honestly, it was quite hot but ofc you’d never admit that so you just had to hide your desire behind laughs

while you were laughing, kuroo turned to look at your brother, trying to form a glare but it looked more like a squint tbh

‘and you are?’

(b/n) wore a stunned look at how quickly your boyfriend’s attitude changed, temporarily unable to think up a reaction but then blurted out, ‘(b/n). you?’

(b/n) cocked his head to the side while backing up slightly, ready to make a run for it as soon as kuroo replied

kuroo didn’t intimidate (b/n), per se, it’s just that (b/n) wanted to get as far away from this interaction as possible as it generally made him feel uneasy

‘i’m (y/n)’s boyfriend.’ he said lowly with a menacing smile

‘cool.’ (b/n) voice cracked as he adjusted the strap of his bag before launching off into the horizon on his heels

a smug expression was plastered on his face as he gazed proudly at his work - he had managed to scare off an upperclassman with sheer manliness

by now, your laughing fit had died down and your lips formed a frown as you watched your brother bolt over to his car, hop in and drive away - presumably, back to your home

‘hey.’ you moaned, watching until his car turned a corner and left your vision, ‘he was my ride home!’

kuroo’s soul almost left his body upon hearing you say that, ‘you shouldn’t be getting in cars with crusty, older men anyway!’

you rolled your eyes, ‘he’s my brother, dumbass!’

IEHFBEVJEAU kuroo shut tf up immediately 😶

 ‘oops- my bad.’ he snickered before jogging out the school gates, ‘have fun walking, babe!’ he threw up a piece sign before disappearing round a corner in a similar way that your brother did 

Kei Tsukishima

tsukishima had just finished practise, he walked out the gym to notice that you were talking to some guy next to the vending machine

he literally almost had a heart-attack bc he thought it was kageyama 

but no

IT WAS WORSE

tsukishima never really got jealous when you talked to other guys bc he knew they really had nothing in comparison to him lol

i mean, tsukishima knew he was a catch: he’s lanky, bitchy, tall, rude, emotionally-distant, tall, untrusting, tall, insecure, surly, a horrible cook- did i mention he’s tall?

ok so maybe he wasn’t as much of a catch as he originally thought but the fact he is tall is really the thing that’s holding together his façade of arrogance

so imagine his shock when he sees you happily chatting away to a guy that’s 6″4 !!!!!!

for clarification, tsukishima is 6″2

tsukishima passed away on the spot 💀⚰

he had already logged onto Instagram and removed the ‘Taken 🔒’ out of his bio 

there’s no way he’s gonna be able to win you back now  ✌😔

he’s had his time has your tall bf- it’s time to resign

BUT HE WASN’T GONNA GIVE UP THAT EASILY

not before he indulged in some bitchery ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

he practised the scene 10 times in his head before executing it, starting by striding up to you and slipping an arm round your waist, pulling you against his chest

his eyes held a penetrating stare on your brother from above the edge of his glasses, he snickered mockingly as his index finger pushed the frames further up the bridge of his nose

honestly, tsukki tried his best to hide it but he was genuinely quite nervous not only bc he actually had to look up slightly to hold eye contact with the guy - which is something he’s obviously not used to - but also due to the fact he simply could not come up with a good insult for this guy; even though he was usually quite good at spotting people’s insecurities ‘:(

hence, all he could to was produce a deriding chuckle which was aimed towards the guy in hopes that it was make him feel half as insecure as tsukishima was feeling rn

‘what’s so funny?’ you asked, clueless to your boyfriend having an internal breakout while standing right beside you 

tsukishima rolled his eyes, realising that the guy seemed unfazed by his dirty looks so it seemed as thought tsukki would have to crack up the pettiness

‘who’s this chump, (y/n)?’ tsukishima leaned in to semi-whisper in your ear, but loud enough so your brother could still hear 

‘tsukki!’ you gasped at your boyfriend’s choice of words before scolding him further, ‘that’s my brother- he’s a 3rd year!’

tsukishima paled

he bowed to the point where he was basically a right angle ‘m-, uh, my apologies, sir. i ha-, um, i had no idea you were related to (y/n).’

he was sO EMBARASSED AAAAAAAAAAA

your brother reassured him it was fine but tsukki was apologising for another 5 minutes after that 

he promised himself never to get jealous again after that (ಥ _ ಥ) it only leads to trouble 

no matter how tall the guy is either- 

he swore that if he ever saw a 9″ guy talking to you and it upset him, he’d just close his eyes 😑

he probably should’ve promised to stop running his mouth too bc that’d probably result in a lot less trouble but- baby steps, y’all LMAO

Keiji Akaashi

i can’t really imagine akaashi as the type to get jealous tbh

and if he does, he deals with it pretty well

like if sees you talking with a guy in a way that bothers him, he’s definitely not confrontational enough to deal with it right there so he’d wait until y’all are alone at home or sumn 

but you had been acting especially distant lately 

so when he spots you hanging with some random guy next to the water fountain, he kinda snaps 

he stalked up to you so he could take your hand in his own, asking if he could borrow just a moment of you time so he could talk to you 

you accept, of course, wondering what this could possibly be about 

he explains how he’s been feeling and you feel quite bad tbh

you weren’t aware that you were detaching yourself from him but you had to blame your schoolwork tbh

once you expressed how schoolwork along with the stress of your job had really been getting you down lately so you asked you brother for assistance, he immediately pulled you into a hug

the last thing he wanted was or it to seem like he was desperate for your attention bc although it was nice, he respected how you had to prioritize other things/people

in fact, he only brought this issue up bc it was beginning to eat him from the inside out - his insecurities telling him that you had lost interest in him and like anyone else, he desired a bit of comfort

you reassured him that you hadn’t ‘lost interest’ in him and you separation as well as you current closeness with you brother was all to do with your workload and hopefully, sometime in the near future, you’ll be able to sit down, relax and just watch a movie with akaashi

that was all fair and lovely but there was still one thing that continued to bother him

‘who’s that guy you were talking to?’ he inquired, gesturing to your brother who was awkwardly standing alone by the fountain

‘my brother.’

‘oh-’

[that-sarcastic-writer]

Once upon a time in NYU- MGG AU

Fandom: MGG, Criminal Minds

Pairing: College!Matthew X College!Reader

Summary: you couldn't stand Matthew, and he couldn't stand you. But you couldn't say the same when you were in his bed

Warnings: alternative universe, enemies to lovers relationship, cursing duh, hair pulling, fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, bad writing basically

WC: 6.1k 

A/N: so I saw I think it was @eideticmemory​ write an enemies to lovers college fic and like a light just went on in my head, and I really wanted to that because I've always wanted to, but also give it my own twist and touch of course, so I guess this my attempt at writing a multi-chapter Matthew fic. Will I succeed? Probably not. But it's a good excuse to write smut after a year so we'll see. ALSO HUGE TW I understand posting this now might be a bit of a bad timing. So if you think that reading this will trigger you in any way, just go ahead and skip this one. I dont want to trigger anyone in any way, I just want to entertain you guys and myself in the process so yeah, read at your own risk and please please stay safe. And this is going to be a bit long so strap in yall and enjoy the poorly written sin. 

Andddd huge huge thanks to my friend Kara (idk if shes reading this but yeah) for helping me edit this, she helped me make this so much better for you guys and she literally so amazing for actually spending the time to help me. So yeah, 

You know when something bad happens, you’re always told to see the bright side of things? That maybe that unfortunate event isn’t as bad as you feel it is? Yeah, well, that doesn’t always apply, and it certainly didn’t when I found out I was partnered with the one person I was hoping I wouldn’t get paired with for my end of the semester film project. 

Seriously, out of the nearly hundred students that were enrolled in my film class, I had to get paired up with him, him out of all people, literally the one person I was praying wouldn't get paired up with. Not only because I was forced to work with someone, because honestly all I wanted was to work alone, I had to get paired with Matthew fucking Gubler.

You know when people say God has his favourites? Yeah, well I certainly wasn't one of them.

Now, I didn’t necessarily hate Matthew Gubler. I didn't hate him for no reason, I didn't just wake up one day and decided I was just going to hate Matthew. There was a time where I actually liked him, I liked him more than I'd like to admit, deep down I still did. And I knew he liked me too, he did then at least. And we were good together, it was fun, we had a fun first couple of dates. To this day, they were the nicest dates I ever had, because he knew just how to make them special. I mean, when a guy takes you to the Neue Galerie here in New York and have nice long walk through Central Park, a walk filled with laughter and bliss, it has to be special, and in a weird way, he was special too. 

And as much as I wanted more than just two or three dates, I would've been perfectly fine if he had told me what he wanted from the start. If he had suddenly changed his mind about me, I would've accepted it, and I would've been able to live a happy life as his friend if that's what he wanted.

But he didn't, and instead I found out he had other interests. And I didn't hear it from him, I heard it from my friend. She didn't even need to tell me who it was, because the minute she told me where he took her, I knew. He took her to the same place he took me not even two weeks later and then acted like I was nothing the next time he saw me. And my god did that fucking hurt. It hurt me in a way I had never been hurt before, because I thought he was different, I was hoping he was. And convincing myself that I hated him was much easier than facing the fact that it hurt. And I never addressed it ever again, not that Matthew cared enough to actually talk about us, or, whatever we were. So instead we just made each other's existence miserable.

No, what I felt for Matthew wasn't hate, it was just the strong need to stay ten feet away from him so I wouldn't shove a five foot pole up his ass. That's how I felt about Matthew Gubler.

And now, here I was, aggressively shoving my laptop and notebook into my bag so I could leave the auditorium as quickly as possible, or at least quick enough to avoid Matthew, because knowing how he was, he would come straight to me to rub our partnership in my face. And I was right, because the minute we were dismissed, I spotted his lanky frame starting to come down from the top rows where he usually sat, and he was headed my way.

Screaming a big nope in my head, I strapped my bag over my shoulder and headed straight for the exit. I knew I couldn't avoid him forever, especially now but, I just needed a minute to mentally prepare myself to deal with him, a minute and probably a bottle of booze. But I didn't get either because the minute I was out those doors, I heard the unmistakable sound of his voice calling my name. 

Great.

"Y/N! Y/N wait!" I heard Matthew call out, followed my rushed footsteps coming from behind me.

"Hey, partner, I'm glad I caught you before you left. You weren't trying to run away from me were you?" He teased, throwing one of his particularly long arms over my shoulder.

If I had rolled my eyes any harder they probably would've gotten stuck there. I groaned, grabbing a hold of his arm and unwrapping it not so subtly before dropping it beside him, "first of all, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't touch me,  and second of all, just please go away, Matthew. I have a class I have to get to." I muttered, walking slightly faster and keeping my gaze forward, refusing to even look at him.

If there was something I've learned about Matthew in the two long years I've known him is that he usually goes away on his own if I don't give him the attention he wanted. I was hoping this was one of those times, because I was not in the mood to deal with him right now.

But alas, he didn't, he walked faster, staying beside me the whole time. "But I wasn't even doing anything. I was just saying hi." He defended, and I could just hear the smile on his face even when I wasn't even looking at him. 

I rolled my eyes harder, letting out a small breath through my lips, "what do you want Matthew?"

"When can we meet up? I already have an idea for our project and I think you're going to love it."

I chuckled sarcastically, finding his words actually hilarious, "If you came up with it I seriously doubt it." I sighed heavily, digging my teeth into my bottom lip before speaking, "tonight after I finish my shift, I guess. The quicker we can start, the quicker we can get it over with, soo..."

"Great. It's a date then, see you tonight, sweetheart." He hummed, ghosting his lips over my ear, his lips smacking loudly as he pretended to kiss it before he quickly took off in the other direction before I could even say anything.

This fucking guy.

~~~~~~~~~~

"I seriously do not understand how you fucking dated this guy, he's so obnoxious and annoying, how could anyone want to date someone like that." I complained to my friend and roommate Liz. I met her for a quick lunch break before my afternoon class and I just had to let her know how unhappy I was about my partnership with Matthew. She was amused to say the least.

"You make it sound like we dated for years, we dated for a few months, but he's not even that bad." she argued.

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest and leaned back into my seat with an unamused expression, just waiting for Liz to bury herself further up Matthew's ass. I always had the feeling she still had feelings for him, as much as she insisted it was just a meaningless relationship. And as much as they were just friends now, I just knew she wanted more with him. But it wasn't really my place to question that, not that it mattered to me anyway.

"He's a pretty cool and fun guy to be around, you just never gave him a chance. You've hated him ever since you met him for absolutely no reason, you never gave yourself the chance to get to know him better." Liz insisted, she always did. She always insisted Matthew was such a great guy I never gave the change to get to know. 

I had let out a heavy sigh in annoyance of her defense of Matthew before responding, "yeah well, it doesn't really matter since I'm being forced to anyway. And he's coming over tonight to start our project. Can't fucking wait."

I could've sworn I saw Liz's expression change into a mixture of surprise and something I could've easily confused with jealousy. She pursed her lips together and her eyes darted everywhere, like she was avoiding making any kind of eye contact with me.

But, it couldn't be jealousy? What even is there to be jealous of? Her and the whole world knew how I felt about Matthew, her out of all people knew it better than anyone.

"Oh, he is? Well, I'm not really going to be home tonight, I would've given you company so it wouldn't be so awkward with him." She frowned, she sounded disappointed, angry even. She looked uncomfortable, like she was deeply bothered by something, by something I said.

It was weird, I wasn't exactly sure what to say, I wasn't really sure why my news seemed to bother her as much as it did. It's not like I was going to sleep with Matthew while she was away or something. It didn't really matter though, I didn't have time to answer. Thank God.

"I'm sorry Liz but I have to go, I have class in like ten minutes." I excused myself, eating whatever was left on my plate in a matter of seconds before I stood up from my seat and gathered my belongings, "I'll see you later and wish me luck." I said quickly before taking off, not giving her the chance to respond.

~~~~~~~~~~

Usually, I pray for shifts to be over as soon as possible, for it to be slow so I can go home early. Today though, today I prayed for just the opposite. I was hoping the end of my shift wouldn't come, and when it did, that it would be too late and I would be able to cancel my meet up with Matthew.

But like I said, I wasn't one of God's favourites. And today out of all days, it was the slowest it has ever been and my shift ended rather quickly, quicker than I had hoped.

Groaning loudly at the evening that awaited me, I walked down the long halls of my floor, standing outside of my dorm room, dreading my evening already.

Figuring I should just get it over with, I went to get the key on the lock of my door, but noticed it was already unlocked. Liz probably forgot to lock the door, again. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head at my stupid roommate before turning the knob, opening the door. And my jaw dropped the minute I stepped into the room, not believing what my eyes saw.

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

"Matthew, what the fuck are you doing in my dorm and in my bed!? How did you even get in here?" I nearly screamed at the tall brunette that was carelessly laying on my bed with what I figured was one of my books in his hand.

Matthew turned his head towards me, a carefree and calm look plastered all over his face before his eyes went back to the pages in front of him., "oh, well, Liz let me in before she went to work. I hope you don't mind." He responded nonchalantly, continuing to flick through the pages of the book he had in his hand.

I stared at him with absolute disbelief and a loud scoff left my lips as I slightly pitched the bridge of my nose, trying not to throw the nearest object at his face, "yes, I do mind, in fact. You can't just come into somebody's dorm, lie on their bed and go through their stuff. Seriously dude, what is wrong with you?"

I just couldn't believe this guy. He just knew how to get on my nerves without even doing anything. 

Matthew, of course, couldn't have cared any less about whatever I was saying. And it wasn't that he wasn't listening, because he was, he had that stupid smile on his face that proved he was in fact listening to every word I was saying. He just didn't care, or he did, but he just liked getting on my nerves. He loved pushing every single one of my buttons until I snapped. And I had no idea why. I had no idea why he liked annoying me so much.

I exhaled heavily through my nose, closing my eyes slightly as I ran a hand through my hair exasperatedly, "I just can't fucking deal with you. I can't." I huffed, dropping my bag from my shoulder and walked to the opposite side of my room, facing away from him, not even wanting to look at his face.

"Tell me something, sweetheart," Matthew spoke, curiosity and a slight bit of amusement lingering on his words.

"What."

"Why do you hate me so much? You've hated me ever since I dated Liz back in our first year of college and I never truly understood why," he questioned with genuine curiosity, but there was also a certain playfulness in his voice. I opened my mouth to answer, still not facing him, and I was so ready to tell him off, god knows I've been wanting to but he cut me off. "Is it because I never slept with you?"

My eyes instantly widened at his words, a clearly offended scoff leaving my lips as I turned around to face him, "what? No, of course not, I—" my words got caught in my throat when I saw his tall frame towering over me, my eyes getting stuck on his chest before they traveled up to his face, and he was close. Extremely close. I swallowed thickly, feeling slightly cornered by his significantly taller frame so I stepped back, trying to create some kind of distance between us, but he simply followed me. "I, uhm, that's not why I don't like you, Matthew. I don't like you because you're an insensitive asshole and—"

"Oh, I know why you hate me," he cut me off again, slowly running his tongue to wet his perfectly pink lips. "You hate me because I dated Liz and not you."

His proclamation made my eyes grow even wider and my mouth hung open as I stammered for words. I wanted to disagree, I truly wanted to tell him that he was wrong. But honestly, he wasn't altogether wrong. I couldn't say some of my resentment didn't come from a deep rooted feeling of rejection. Because while most of that resentment came from that place of genuine hurt, my resentment was fueled by frustration and a shameless sense of envy.

But it was just easier to convince myself that I hated him than to admit that I still liked him and that it hurt me that he chose my friend over me.

But of course, I would never admit to that, especially not to him.

Avoiding eye contact, I looked down and shook my head, running my tongue to wet my suddenly dry lips, "of-of course not. Why—why would I care about your dating life? You can fuck whoever you want, I don't care." I wish I sounded more confident when I said that. But my stuttering words and my unsteady legs gave him exactly what he wanted.

And the bastard actually chuckled. He fucking chuckled.

"But you do, you do care. You care because you haven't stopped thinking about us and me since our first year." He grinned, digging his teeth into his perfect lips as he brought a hand to cup my face, lifting it so I had no other choice but to look at him.

And I was fucking gone.

It was like, all of that anger, frustration and hatred just vanished and instead turned into longing want. Want for him to just take me and do whatever he pleases with me. I was practically nothing in his hands, and I was nothing waiting for him to make me something. Waiting for him to make me his.

And that absolutely delighted the bastard. He found amusement in having the power I never allowed him to have. But right now, I just couldn't fight it.

I always knew that if I ever found myself alone and in this situation with Matthew Gubler, I would lose, no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise.

And he knew that too.

"That's it, isn't? You want me to fuck you like I fucked your friend." He smirked, almost like he was proud to say it. And he stared, his usually soft amber eyes now brown and darkened with want.

Who the fuck was this guy and where did Matthew go? Matthew Gubler was the most awkward and disgraceful guy when it came to women. The poor guy couldn't even flirt his way out of a wet paper bag. And yet, somehow, here he was, with this new found confidence and the ability to turn me into a shaking and stuttering mess. Who fucking knew.

Once again, I stammered for words, I truly wanted to tell him otherwise. I wanted to scream in his face and push him away, but I couldn't. Not that I wanted to.

He took my lack of response as the answer he was looking for and brought his other hand to my waist, backing me up against the nearest wall, caging me between the hard surface behind me and his body, which right now, seemed so much bigger than mine.

My breathing instantly skyrocketed as I felt the same hand that was on my waist sneak its way past the ends of my dress and up my bare thighs, ones that shook like an earthquake as the pads of his fingers slowly rubbed the tense skin. Like he was testing the waters. Testing how well my body reacted to his touch.

And it wasn't subtle. At all.

"W-what—what are you doing?" I almost squealed, my voice practically betraying me.

"Oh? Well, I'm just giving you what you wanted. I'm giving you what you've been wanting for years." He stated so casually, like he had no idea what he was doing to me. And just as casually, he slowly ran a finger over the thin cotton fabric of my underwear, touching me, but definitely not in the way I needed to be touched.

I wished my body didn't betray me like it did though. I couldn't even hold back the breathy moan that escaped my lips when his fingers made contact with the thin material. But Matthew certainly loved the response I gave him.

"Because this is what you've been wanting, isn't it? You've been thinking about how my fingers would feel buried inside your little cunt. Or how good you would feel around my cock." He taunted, it was almost cynical just how easily those filthy words rolled off his usually reserved tongue. "I'm not gonna lie, I've thought about it too, you have no idea how many times I've thought about having your filthy mouth wrapped around me. Or how pretty you would look begging me for more." 

I opened my mouth to speak but my words instantly got caught in my throat when the sneaky bastard pulled the fabric to the side and dipped his fingers into the soaking mess that was my core.

And if there were any rational thoughts still hanging in my head, all of those just went straight out the window when another moan erupted from my throat and my head fell back into the wall behind me.

"See just how much easier things are when you just shut the fuck up and stop fighting so much?" He almost whispered, his lips ghosting over the skin on my neck as a lithe finger gathered my wetness and spread it over my clit.

Despite being a complete whimpering mess at that point, I managed to spit out a surprisingly harsh, "fuck you." 

It was a pretty convincing retort. One that didn't exactly have the effect I hoped for though.

I could feel him smirk into my neck as his lips left wet and sloppy kisses into the skin before he pulled back, just so he could see the look of utter want and frustration on my face.

"Hm, sorry sweetheart, I can't do that. I'm too busy trying to fuck you instead."

I swear to god, he was the biggest asshole I have ever met in my entire fucking life. But he was an asshole who immediately slipped two of his sinfully long fingers into my dripping core. I instantly choked on my own breath as he began working his fingers around the muscles, stroking the digits inside me at an agonizingly slow pace.

"Because that's what you want don't you sweetheart? You want to me to fuck you into that mattress until you can't keep your eyes open?" He continued, his filthy words making me pant like I ran for fucking miles. "I do too, trust me I do. And I will, I promise. But I want to make up for all of the lost time. Don't you?"

I wasn't even paying attention to whatever filthy proclamations were coming out of Matthew's mouth, with my eyes nearly closed, my mouth slightly open and my mind only focusing on his fingers working diligently inside me, how could I?

But Matthew was expecting an answer this time. Because I could feel his darkened eyes glare into my face and his fingers immediately stilled inside me. Earning a loud whine from me.

"I asked you a question, answer me."

It took me a minute to remember his question before I quickly nodded, "yes! Yes! Is that what you wanted to hear?" I nearly screamed at his face, my hands coming to clutch his shirt, needing something to relieve some tension.

"I want to hear you say it. Say it, tell me you want me." He demanded, his eyes locking with mine as he waited for what he wanted to hear.

He wanted me to beg, he wanted me to give up that control I never allowed him to have. And was I going to?

Absolutely.

I needed to.

"I want you, Matthew, I want you to take me and fuck me into that mattress until I can't walk straight. Please."

I guess that was the answer Matthew had been looking for because his fingers immediately began to work diligently inside me again, stroking the digits until he had me whimpering and begging for release.

It wasn't long before my head started to spin and stars began to blur my vision. Words were no longer an option at that point, nothing would come out, not even Matthew's name. All I could manage to let out were pathetic, strangled moans. But he could tell I was close, or I figured that much because his fingers only worked faster around my tightening walls, determined to finish me.

"C'mon sweetheart, come for me." he encouraged through gritted teeth as his fingers were anything but still inside me and his palm applied a crushing pressure into my front. And even when my eyes were half closed and my mind had turned into dust, I could see the look of utter determination on his face, his eyebrows were furrowed as his teeth dug into his perfectly plump lips. It was like his only focus was on driving me over the edge. And he succeeded.

The second his fingers curled, I was fucking gone. My orgasm hit me like a tidal wave. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as I cried out his name like a praise, my body nearly spasming against the wall. But his fingers didn't stop until my whole body shook to the point where my legs no longer supported my weight and I practically slid into the wall as I tried to catch my breath.

It was almost dizzying just how quickly Matthew withdrew his fingers from me and hoisted me up on his slim torso. He wasted absolutely no time in striding over to my bed across the room. My whole body collided with my bed so quickly and forcefully it knocked the air out of my chest.

Matthew was practically ripping away his clothes before I could even sit up or catch my breath. Like he had this urgency to do what I've been avoiding for the past two years. Like he needed to do it, right now, like something would happen before he got the chance to.

"Matthew—"

"Shut up, I've heard enough shit from you for the past two years, and I'm fucking tired of it." He almost growled, his usually soft voice coming out so low and dark it actually stroked fear in my heart. It was scary just how quickly his demeanor changed.

Matthew didn't really waste much time in discarding his clothes, he was down to only his boxers and was on top of me before I could even blink. He brought a hand to my chest and he pushed me down until my back was flat on the bed, but his hand stayed there, pinning me there as he hovered over me, trapping my significantly smaller body under his own.

He wasted no time in grabbing a hold of my dress and pulling it over my head. And I could've sworn I saw pure awe and infatuation flash through his eyes as they shamelessly eyed over my newly exposed skin. Come to think of it though, this was the first time I was this naked in front of him, and even then, I wasn't fully naked. Not yet anyway.

After a good minute, his eyes flickered back up to meet with mine, his previous look of awe quickly replaced by this feral look of want and pure desire. And I couldn't say it didn't excite me to see it.

He brought a hand to my face, running his smooth fingers over my face with a surprising amount of delicacy before he deep rooted them into my hair and slightly tilted my head back before he brought his face into mine, our lips crashing into a deep fervent kiss. I didn't realize we have never actually kissed. No wonder there was so much desperation and hunger within that kiss. We've been wanting this ever since we met, and ironically, I wanted it more.

His mouth was harsh and fervent against mine, his tongue wasting no time before it quickly slipped between my lips without much of a warning. His tongue explored every inch of my mouth and took as much control as he wanted to as he brought one of his hands to discard my brassiere, he struggled a bit at first but he managed to unhook it and discarded the flimsy material along with the rest of forgotten clothes. He pulled back to capture the image of my newly exposed skin. And he wasn't subtle, at all.

I almost felt intimidated under his deep and penetrating gaze as he shamelessly ogled my exposed body. I was completely exposed to him, completely vulnerable and right now, he could do whatever the fuck he wanted with me. And that scared me, it scared me just how quickly he took control over me after years of fighting against it.

With a hard swallow and a bob of his Adam's apple, Matthew slowly licked his lips, scraping his teeth against his slightly swollen bottom lip in a way that almost made me roll my eyes back into my head. But I didn't, instead I just locked eyes with him as he brought his face down and wrapped his lips around one of my breasts and his tongue swirled around the sensitive bud almost expertly, using one of his hands to toy with the other.

"O-oh fuck." I couldn't help but helplessly moan into the air as my hands found their way into his mop of brown curls. This reaction certainly delighted the bastard above me because I could feel his eyes burning into my face and his lips curving into a smirk around me before he slowly pulled back, latching on to my nipple as he pulled off it.

"You have a very filthy mouth, jeez." He tisked, slightly shaking his head disaprovingly but still had that fucking smirk of his.

Clearly, I wasn't amused, in the slightest, so his stupid comment earned him a nice and concise, "fuck you." 

But then again, it didn't have the effect I hoped for.

"Mhm, yeah, you're about to." He retorted one last time before bringing his face back up to mine, capturing me in a heated and messy kiss that only worked as distraction from the journey Matthew's hands took down south. I was only brought back to reality when I felt my underwear being ripped away and the cool air hitting me. And he was quick to pull down his own boxers and allowed his length to spring free. And I couldn't even play off the fact that I had to stare, my mouth slightly hanging open at the sight of him.

"You're so cute when you stare." He taunted, his words being fairly tame in contrast to his very dark and not innocent tone. The sound of his voice made me flicker my eyes to meet his face. Big mistake, because the borderline devious smirk on his face didn't help, at all. And it certainly didn't help when he positioned himself between my legs, rubbing himself on my already dripping heat.

"You do have condoms here, right?" He asked, but I wasn't paying attention, with him rubbing himself on my slick, I couldn't really pay much attention to anything. "I could just fuck you bareback, I'm clean, so I don't care. But it's up to you." He spoke again, slightly teasing my entrance with the tip of his length, hoping to actually get my attention, and I actually listened this time.

Biting my lip, I mentally cursed at my lack of sexual activity because it just so happened that I had no condoms. Matthew gave me an expectant look, not to pressure me, but just waiting impatiently. I knew if I told him to stop he would without a second thought, but he would just leave. I wasn't going to make that mistake twice.

"I'm clean too, just," I chewed on my bottom lip, already shuddering with anticipation as I hooked my legs around his slim torso, pulling him closer, "just take me, please just fucking take me already."

I didn't have to say it twice.

Without a second thought, he propped himself up on his arms and pressed his face against mine as he slammed into me in one swift motion. A strangled moan erupted from my throat as he buried himself to the hilt, stretching me open at once. And fuck, the feeling of him inside me was intoxicating, addicting even, I don't think I've ever felt like this before.

This was so fucking wrong. So wrong, so wrong to be fucking the guy my friend dated, so wrong to be fucking the guy I swore to everyone I hated. It was just wrong. So why the hell did it feel so right? It was so perfectly right the way our bodies felt together, like they simply belonged there, buried deeply within one another. I never wanted to stop feeling like this.

It was almost dizzying just how good he felt. And with the quick and fervent pace he set for himself right from the start, I knew I probably wouldn't last long. With my eyes rolled into my head, my open mouth and my body sprawled out on the bed as I tried to find something to hold on to, he probably had one hell of a view. And he enjoyed it too, because his thrusts only became harsher.

"Fuck, sweetheart, you're so fucking beautiful," he cursed through gritted teeth, his hands holding my hips down with a vice like grip, making sure I couldn't move. And it wasn't for lack of trying. My body shook and shuddered like a fucking earthquake around him but he simply held me down as he continued.

"You feel so good too. I can't believe you made me wait two fucking years for this. Fuck." He nearly shouted, slamming into me with an insane amount of force and clenched his eyes shut, almost as if the thought made him angry, "two fucking years to take what was mine."

His. He called me his.

Fuck, I wish those filthy words didn't have such a strong effect on me, but boy did they make a number on me. I couldn't even hold back the guttural cry that erupted from my chest as I nodded feverishly, not really realizing what I was nodding to. 

"Yes! Fuck yes, Matthew, I'm yours!" I almost screamed, saying whatever incoherent thoughts flashed through my mind, letting the whole floor know just how much fun I was having and with whom. And with my mind and thoughts being too clouded by the feeling of him, I didn't even think about what those words entailed.

But it didn't matter because they served their purpose regardless. I wasn't expecting just how much the words actually affected him, because his hips began to falter, his thrusts becoming longer but impossibly deeper. And I could see how concentrated he was, with sweat forming on his forehead, his teeth digging into his bottom lip and his breath was hard and short, like this was a task he was determined to finish. He was determined to ruin me.

Letting out a guttural and nearly animalistic groan, Matthew grabbed a hold of my hips and raised them so that each thrust would make him bottom out inside of me, knowing just how close we both were to our release. "Yeah, that's right, sweetheart, let the whole floor know who's making you feel this good," he growled as he gave one last final but brutal thrust, digging his fingers into my hips so tight I just knew I would have bruises tomorrow as he held me down on him, "let the whole floor know you're mine."

And just like that, my orgasm crashed into me, Matthew's harsh words of ownership sending me into a euphoric state of pleasure, my lips chanting his name like a mantra and my walls tightening around him as he came deeply into me, my own name rolling off his tongue in a quiet praise. And the utter and absolute look of ecstasy on his face made up for the bruises I would have to hide for the next few days and for the two years we've made each other's life a living hell. Because right now, seeing that look of being completely fucked, I just wanted nothing more than to just stay like this.

The second we were no longer blinded by our highs, he fell forward, nearly crushing me under his weight as he struggled to get himself up. Yeah he looked fucked alright. Despite knowing damn well he could've easily rolled off me, he didn't, he simply rested his head on my chest and closed his eyes like he was just going to sleep there. A small smile made its way to my lips at the sight of his tousled brown curls on my chest, ignoring all logic, I ran my fingers through the messy locks, and they were in fact as soft as they always looked. 

Realizing just how bad this was for me, and just how vulnerable I actually looked, I smacked his forehead, successfully earning a glare from him once he lifted his head, looking dead at me with his now soft amber eyes.

"You're crushing me, you ass, get off." I breathed out and rolled my eyes, being too exhausted to try and get him off myself. And knowing just how easily he corrupted me, I didn't need another thing to make this harder.

"Okay, okay, jeez." Matthew rolled his eyes, letting his head back into my chest exhaustively and groaned tiredly into my chest before he gathered just enough strength to roll off me and collapsed beside me, his reddened and sweaty chest still rising and falling unevenly as he was still trying to steady his breathing. And I was trying, too. And we just stared, we stared at each other, saying nothing. There was nothing to be said. It was better that way.

After a long long while of silently staring at each other, he brought a hand to my face and rested it there, his thumb mindlessly rubbing over the warm skin of my cheek and he smiled, he simply smiled. And it felt good, it felt comforting, sweet even, it was a funny contrast after what he just did to me.

"So.. About our project.."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag list:

Matthew Gray Gubler

All- @aberrant-annie @marauder-exe @vquezada84 @boiled-onionrings @writeronkeyboard @l0ve-0f-my-life @mariaramz @soederberg

OUaT in NYU-

So I'm starting a tag list for this fic because it will be a mini series so let me know if you'd like to be added to the once upon in NYU tag list

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

frENEMIES {Quarterback AU}

Summary: When his brother forces him to go on a double date with him and with a girl that absolutely hates Grayson, he’s forced to realize that their mutual disdain might have been caused by his own actions.

Warnings: swearing, a lot of banter

Word Count: 2.5 k

A/N - this is sort of a version of This Is War (Ethan frat/soulmate fic), but there are no soulmates here. It’s probably bad since I stress wrote it instead of studying, but it’s also kind of fun? I guess I’m a sucker for enemies trope. Also, I am writing Fix me finale, but it will take me a while because I am back in college for the next month and a half or so and I have back to back exams every 2 or 3 days. Hope you guys understand and I hope you like this one as well. 

*                                    *                                        *

Ethan never thought he'd have to beg his brother to accompany a beautiful woman on a date, but he still found himself in front of his arm-crossed twin and his defiant glare.

„No. Not happening.“ Grayson is adamant, refusing to budge and most definitely not when it's her who they want him to go out with. Why can't they find someone else to be their double date?! He just didn't see the sanity in that decision.

„I'm asking as a brother!“ Ethan pulled his twin card, hoping to see change in Grayson who simply laughed in his face before turning his back on him, still stubbornly refusing to even consider it.

„Bruh, never gonna happen.“

Rolling his eyes, Ethan's annoyance grows as he's forced to walk in front of his brother who seems damn determined to fuck up his night even after he tried to bribe him with chores, cash, even his dear Smooth cat.

„She's Amina's best friend. I am begging you, please, don't make me call mom on you.“ And that's when he played the ultimate card – the mom card. There isn't a woman in the world as important to Grayson as his mother, but then again, there isn't a woman as capable of making him do things he'd never want to do.

„Seriously? Playing the mom card now? What are we, like 10? Plus, why would she even want me as a date?! She fucking hates me and I'm pretty sure she's mental. You're putting your favorite brother in the line of fire.“ Reasoning with Ethan had never been fruitful in the past, but even as he watches Ethan shrug his pleas off his shoulders, Grayson clings to some hope he'd manage to escape this whole ordeal. It's probably the only time he had ever regretted being a playboy instead of having a girlfriend...taken men can't be forced into dates with their worst enemy.

„Favorite? You're my only brother, Grayson. It does not make you necessarily a favorite.“ Ethan retorted with furrowed eyebrows before tossing a white, classy shirt at his brother's chest. „Now get ready and be nice tonight, okay?“

Nostrils flared as he inhales deeply, staring daggers at Ethan's back as he leaves the room, Grayson yells after him: „No promises!“

To say he spent the entire drive over to the restaurant sulking would be an understatement. The last thing, absolutely the last thing, Grayson wanted to do now is to spend a few hours around Y/N Y/L/N.

You know those girls that are always seemingly fun but will cut you down with just a look if you make a single misstep? The girls that may be smaller than guys but cause terror in them whenever they scowl?

Y/N Y/L/N is the queen B of the club Grayson is certain exists as some secret college society of women that learn how to make men's lives miserable.

Sure, she's on good terms with everyone else, but Grayson always found her to be rude and mean-spirited with him. Every time he tried to bridge the distance between them for not only his brother's relationship but his own inner peace, she nearly chewed his head off. 

In time, Grayson learned to avoid her and her mood-swings, but he still found himself getting out of the car on this particular night, finding Amina in front of the restaurant and he could easily recognize Y/N, even from behind. Perhaps he's spent too much time admiring her ass in the past, but she wasn't hard to recognize, besides, who else would be helping Amina fix her hijab?

For a moment there, he just stands there on the curb, watching her as the wind picks up and her hair flies to the side, revealing her face as she steps away from Amina and giggles, the sound carried through the wind and to his unsuspecting ears. He thought her laugh is almost...tolerable...cute even.

Shaking his head vehemently, Grayson felt Ethan's hand on his shoulder and his expecting gaze as well.

„Come on. It might rain soon and I'd rather not worry if Amina will freeze to death when her clothes get wet.“

Sighing, Grayson follows his brother reluctantly, his gaze unwavering and on his enemy. She may be clothed in a beautiful green dress with bare back, but Grayson still remembers she's a wolf in sheep's clothing.

„Hey.“ Ethan smiles sheepishly at his dear Amina, giving her a small wave as she looks down shyly and her cheeks turn a darker shade. Their relationship is pure in Grayson's eyes – they rarely ever touch and when they do it's by accident and yet they seem to be inseparable. In a moment of weakness, he wished for something as simple and pure as they have too.

„Ugh. Grayson fucking Dolan? Seriously Amina?“ Y/N all but growled at her best friend who was forced to look at her instead of Ethan who really captured all her attention moments ago. Frowning, Grayson clears his throat, hoping to speak but Y/N continues.

„I thought I was supposed to be here with you as the third wheel because your dad insisted! Why call...“ She turns to Grayson, gesticulating to his face with slight disgust on her face before she adds: „Him.“

„Excuse me?!“ Grayson exclaims, quite frankly offended by the way she looked at him like he's not worth the dirt off her cheap heels, but she just turns to him with the fakest, fed-up smile she could muster.

„You may be excused.“ Showing him down the road, hoping he'd leave, Y/N looked at the way his face quickly changed from insulted, to angry, to wicked.

„Oh, no. I'm staying. Now that I know you have been blindsided into spending a whole dinner with me, I'd love for a chance to make your meal a little spicy.“ Winking, Grayson opened the door. Waiting for them to enter, Ethan and Amina were fast but Y/N crossed her arms and tapped her foot against the pavement, her eyes narrowed at him with suspicion.

„Waiting for a formal invitations, princess?“ Grayson clicks his tongue as he gestures with a nod for her to get inside, nearly bursting out laughing when she flinches with the thunder echoing in the street.

„You're just waiting for me to walk in order to let the door slam in my face.“ She guesses, looking up at the sky nervously as lightning tears the sky open.

„Maybe, but you'll never know if you don't come in. Or you can test your luck with the thunderstorm.“ Shrugging as if saying he's alright with either or, Grayson raises his eyebrow in challenge and then it crosses his mind – this is the first time since he met her that he has the reigns and it feels really, really good.

Pensive, she looks back up at the sky before shrugging. „I'd rather brave the storm then, quarterback.“

However, as she states her choice, rain starts to drizzle and the lightning illuminates every line of her frustrated face and her pouted lips as she closes her eyes in anticipation of what's to come. Brave...but stupid.

„Come in. I won't slam the door in your face.“ Clearing his throat, he adds. „My mama taught me better, alright?“

„Fine, but if you do, I know who to complain to then. Don't underestimate me, quarterback. I can find her number if I want to!“ Eyes narrower with every step she takes, arms tense as she expects him to go back on his word, she manages to walk into the restaurant without a scratch on her and surprisingly no attempt to even frighten her.

Y/N headed straight for the table next to Ethan and Amina, the only one available with 'reserved' card on it. She sat opposite of Amina so she could pick up on any signal her best friend sends, but also because she had many signals she wanted to send her and a middle finger might be one of them.

Of all the men in the universe, hell, of all the women in the universe, those two chose the quarterback from hell? She never quite understood how he and Ethan could be twins and be so fundamentally different but after the first two years, she just stopped trying to understand it – understand him, at all.

„Alright. What do you want to order?“ Grayson picks up the menu – the only menu on the table and she rolls her eyes at him again. „Might wanna watch the eye-rolls. Don't want your eyes getting stuck like that, do you?“

Glancing at Amina who just mouthed 'Please', Y/N let out a violent huff in utter frustration, even more so when Grayson continued to hog the menu.

„Why are you here? Really? Did they blindside you too?“ Y/N questions, more curious about how calm he seemed when he found her in front of the restaurant than the menu he holds. She can't eat much now when her appetite is for vengeance alone.

„Nope, Ethan played the mom card. I wouldn't be here otherwise, trust me.“ He responds without even looking at her, his eyes still going over the menu and if she didn't know better, she'd think he's confused.

„You have something better to do on a Saturday night? A girl perhaps? Did I cockblock you, quarterback?“ Raising her eyebrows with amusement, she leans in and cocks her head slightly to the left, awaiting for his response.

„Don't flatter yourself. My plans were more important than a girl. I was supposed to run on the treadmill.“

Shaking her head, finding his answer peculiar and she couldn't help herself but question him further. Besides, she had no other form of entertainment but to make steam come out of his ears.

„Running? That's more important? What the hell?“ Flabbergasted, she draws in a shaky breath as she puts a hand on her chest in surprise and Grayson dignifies her with a curious glance.

„Who chooses to spend a Saturday night on a treadmill?“

Putting down the menu, Grayson presses his tongue against his left cheek to reel his usually loud self which was always amplified around her.

„Someone who makes good life choices. Try it sometimes.“ Snarky tone he used made her bite her lower lip, slowly releasing the soft flesh with a little less lipstick than before. Shame – Grayson quite liked the red shade on her lips.

„Oh, quarterback, you're so scandalous. For future reference, if you ever see me running you should run too because I only run for my life...maybe not even then.“ Smacking her lips, she slyly grabbed the menu from his hands and looked it over herself. She noticed Ethan nod at his brother before they exchanged a few words in their weird gibberish language Amina told her about, though she had caught them doing so a few times before too.

„So, you're really into football, huh“, Grayson asks so naively, noticing exactly when she raised her eyes from the menu and up to him with a boy-you-better-run look and he gulps, aware she'd soon say something that would fuck everything up.

„Football? It's literally the last thing on my list of interests...hell, it's not even on the list!“ She exclaims, noticing Grayson's jaw clench and his eyes harden and Ethan facepalmed immediately, all too familiar with what will happen.

„Football is life! What do you mean it's not on the list?“ Shushed by Amina, he presses his lips together but his eyes are wide and wild and Y/N can't help but chuckle.

„It's the dumbest sport there is. All you do is throw hands with men with over-sized pads and helmets. You get concussions for fame? Fuck that.“ Tossing the menu on the center of the table, Y/N leans back in her chair as she notices a vein prominently showing on Grayson's forehead and she can't help but enjoy the view. There is nothing she likes better than a pissed off Grayson. He's got everyone treating him like a deity, but she was never among them. Perhaps it's because he fucked up when they first met, but she tried time and time again to give him the benefit of the doubt and he always proved her opinion of him, while abominable, is very accurate.

„Dumbest sport? Do you know how hard I work to be the very best on that field? The theories and strategies I have to learn? The physical preparations?!“ Whisper shouting, Grayson leaned closer, his elbows resting on the table and his biceps swell up as he moves some of his weight onto his arms and the table under him.

„Oh, wow! You work so hard? A doctor works hard, Grayson. They save lives and they will never earn the money you will earn after college. You're learning how to run zig-zag across the field with a crummy ball in your hands without falling, while doctors, lawyers, teachers, cashiers and many REAL professions are so underfunded and underpaid and you think that's fair?“ Shaking her head, she raises her hands in mock surrender, watching a little bit of Grayson's ego chip away and he shakes his head too, looking away as he keeps his mouth shut.

„Why do you even hate me so much?“ Grayson mumbled sometime during dinner -  a very quiet dinner.

Looking up at him through her eyelashes, she wondered if he really doesn't know. Hell, she always knew why she hates him, but she never knew why he hates her.

„You really don't know?“ She nearly chuckles when he shrugs, oblivious as always.

„Why is that somehow worse than everything you did?“ Talking to herself more than him, she lets out a heavy sigh. Tucking her hair behind her ear, Y/N presses her lips together and Grayson can't help but notice the red lipstick is once again evenly spread across her lips.

She remembered the way they met, the way he treats the girls, the pranks he pulled that left her mortified, or the nickname he started that followed her for a whole semester and most of all, she couldn't forgive him for scaring off a guy she thought she'd be with for a very, very long time.

„You're so smart and sure of yourself, figure it out.“ But then again, she did have an appetite for vengeance and he had no idea how ready she was to satisfy it.

He was clueless until Monday morning, right after practice when he was left last in the locker-rooms after his self-imposed morning practice. He was clueless as he walked out of the shower, confused as to where his towel is. He was clueless when his steam-clad body felt the breeze of the mysteriously open window in the locker-room had made him shiver.

However, when he opened his locker, Grayson was no longer clueless: his clothes – gone, his jersey – gone, his phone, bag and towels gone.

Everything is gone, yet when he looks at the mirror, he finds the cause for the message left in a very familiar shade of red gave him more than just a clue – XOXO next to a clear mark of a particular pair of lips he was admiring on Saturday night.

„Y/N FUCKING Y/L/N!“

Tags: @mendesficsxbombay​ @beinscorpio​ @peacedolantwins​ @dolandolll​ 

PART 2

[jungcity]

love, eternal. | vi

genre: reincarnation!au, fallen angel!au

[supernatural!au-ish, angst, use of blunts and intoxicants, extra asshole jaehyun, smut, vulgar words]

pairing: jung jaehyun x reader

words: 10k

note: hello, loves!! here is chapter vi, sorry if it took a while for me to finish this one. i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it.

ps.: special thanks to @cherr-e for helping me edit the chapters of this series! i'd always remember your kindness!

part v

“Thou shall bear a love for one soul in a thousand faces,

And suffer as the face cease to exist but the soul, perpetually.”

Jaehyun was a soldier. But instead of a village, it was your heart that he’s pillaged after the war— leaving it empty and burning.

Catastrophic, he was. You should have seen it in his eyes, you should have heard it in his lips. But like the good, naïve girl that you are, you forgot about the devil once he’s touched your lips with his.

The shattering of your heart is as loud as the collision of coffee mugs against the floor, the only difference is that the mugs are heard but your heart isn’t. How cruel it is, to see something like this early in the morning. How tragic it is, to be hurt like this by someone who is as close as a stranger to you— or perhaps you to him.

You wanted to pick out all the littered shards of the mugs, close your hands around them just to feel their sharp edges on your palms and make it bleed. By doing so, Jaehyun would not bother to question if you ever cry. But you can’t move, your body feel listless.

“S-sorry. I’ll go get the cleaner.”

It’s appalling how have you mustered the strength to make your feet move even if your bones feels heavy. With trembling fingers, you dialed for the maintenance number, inhaling a deep breath before talking. You know you need to go to the comfort room, and perhaps in its white tiles and bright lights, you’ll find the silence your mind demands.

“Do not cry, do not fucking cry. For fuck’s sake, it’s eight-thirty a.m. in the morning, Y/N.” You repeated the sentences until you’re inside the comfort room. For the first time since you started working for Jaehyun, you thanked the emptiness of the floor. You do not have to worry yourself about someone walking in on you trying to collect your last bit of sanity.

The mirror was bright, reflecting even all the pores in your face. You look fucking miserable; eyes red from the tears that’s begging to come out, lips trembling from forcing yourself not to cry. But you will never cry. You are stronger than what you saw in Jaehyun’s office. I will not cry. It was hard to breathe, yes, but you inhaled air despite the burning pain in your throat and in your chest from trying your hardest not to fall apart.

What was that? You asked the reflection on the mirror. Were you that naïve? To even let your mind think that what transpired between you and Jaehyun could mean something? Could mean anything at all? Your trip to Paris felt like an ages ago. You should have known better then. You should have never held his hands, or you should have not let him tuck the strands of your hair behind your ear. You should have just looked away when he stared at you as if you were the moon on a clear night sky. Instead, you dared yourself stare at the halo in his eyes. Now, you’re burning because of your own folly.

“This is nothing. Act like you didn’t see anything,” For the last time, you take a deep breath. “Let’s get to work,” Then you walk back to your own table.

The cleaner inclined his head at you as a sign of greeting, he carries a mop and a pail of water. By the bluriness of the water you could tell that he’s done cleaning up the floors.

Now, what? Do I go inside and ask them if they need anything? I should make them coffee again, right?

You pushed your chair away, sighing as you’ve decided to continue your work. If there’s one thing Jung’s Fiscals have taught you, that is professionalism. Feelings are not needed in the work ethic. Sure, you could try to drown yourself from alcohol tonight but you need to keep your sanity intact today. You just need to get through this day.

It feels like the world is on your shoulders as you walk towards the door, your arms holding the tray again. This time, you’re certain it would not fall. When you successfully opened the door, you kept your head staring straight at the view outside. You whispered a silent thanks when you saw them promped on the sofa, not kissing or touching each other, with the girl giggling to whatever Jaehyun said on her ear.

“Good morning, Sir.” Just smile, Y/N. Smile like it’s your birthday. Your lips stretched into the widest smile it could make, hoping it’s enough to convince Jaehyun you weren’t affected by the little staunt he pulled on you. “Good morning, Miss…?” You turned your head to the woman, maintaing your smile as you did so.

She returned the smile, her pearlescent teeth flashing. “Call me Miss Mina.” Then she stretched out her hand to you, you didn’t have any choice but to shake hands with her. “Nice to meet you,” said she.

It’s your second time catching them on the ‘act’ (well you didn’t the first time, you just watched her gave Jaehyun a handjob) but there isn’t an ounce of embarrassment in her face as she smiles at you now. It also doesn’t seem like she remembers you from Jaehyun’s penthouse.

“Nice to meet you too, Miss Mina. I’m Y/N. Mr. Jung’s secretary.” The reality tastes bitter in your mouth. Perhaps it is why you’re hurting right now. You forgot your position in Jaehyun’s life, you forgot that you’re just his secretary and nothing more.

“How about dinner tonight, huh?” Jaehyun asked her by snaking his arms on her waist, trying to bite her ear. She giggles and tries to push him away, but she nodded her head nonetheless, telling your boss that it’s a good idea.

You felt the familiar tightening on your throat, causing you to swallow with the hopes to wash it away. Staring at them feels like staring at the sun, it hurt your eyes.

“Is there anything I could do for you, Sir? Miss?”

Jaehyun just brushed you off like a fly, “Go.” He said. He didn’t even look at you.

You settled the mugs on the small table, not daring to peek on what the both of them are currently doing. After what seems like forever, you finally departed the office, leaving them to continue their kissing.

Tons of e-mails were sent to Jaehyun’s inbox when you opened the mail. They were all about business; some from Johnny, from Taeyong, and from Hendery. You knew Hendery from Johnny’s party. His features are sharp, with a good sense of humor. It’s a shame that you didn’t had the chance to converse with him.

As you click everywhere in the mail, your phone vibrated on the table. A message from Yuta.

[Are you busy?]

[No, why?]

[Can I talk to you later?]

You shifted on your seat, pondering about his offer. It’s been weeks since you last talked to him and you know it’s time to sit and have a conversation with Yuta.

[Sure. Text me the loc.]

Jaehyun’s office door swung open the same moment you kept your phone. He had his arm on Mina’s shoulder.

“Cancel all my schedules for today,” He said.

You glanced at the alarm clock. It’s only ten-thirty in the morning and he’s got a meeting at twelve noon.

“Sir, what would I tell Mr. Kang about your meeting?”

Oh, for God’s sake Mina, couldn’t you keep your hands to yourself? Mina’s touching Jaehyun’s stomach, probably feeling the hard muscles on his abdomen. You blushed as you remembered the image of his body on the night you shared in London.

“Re-schedule it. Tell him I’ve got something more important to do.” At his last sentence, he looked at Mina— ready to devour the girl any time soon. The woman giggled underneath his stare. You wanted to retch.

“Alright, Sir. Take—”

But he’s already walking away. Not bothering to hear you.

—

You agreed to meet Yuta at your go-to fast-food chain when you were still in college, fifteen-minutes away from Jung’s Fiscals. College students could be seen eating as well as young couples. The restaurant gives the vibe of that of a resto style, that’s why it’s popular among teenagers. The couches were the only thing that’s changed after all these years, but the nostalgic feeling still lingers in the air once you stepped inside.

Yuta stood up from his seat the moment you locked eyes with him, waving his hand to you wearing his bright smile. You couldn’t stop but remember the times the both of you would have your dates in the fast-food chain with your silly young heart bouncing every time you see him waiting for you. How long has it been and how happy you were back then.

“Hi,” Yuta greeted.

You sat across from him, “Hi.”

There’s already food on the table when you arrived. It is the same food you always get every time you eat with him.

“The food’s still warm, I hope you don’t mind me ordering for you.” He softly tells you while pushing the food your way. You pick on it while waiting for him to say something.

“I know I was an asshole towards your boyfriend—” Oh, yes. Yuta thinks Jaehyun is your boyfriend. It made you feel even worse. “and I know I made a mistake. I just want to say sorry to you. And to him. But mostly to you, I know you were scared and shocked.” He stated. “I just want us… to reconcile. Be friends again. I know your heart belongs to someone else now, and it’s not my goal to interfere with your happiness, Y/N.” He sighed. “I miss you, as my friend.”

You bit your lips. Here you are again, being emotional as a baby. But you have to admit that you missed having Yuta as a friend. He was someone who you could lean on when life got tough on you back then. He was your wall, your strength, your one reason to keep moving. You knew all he wanted was to make you happy.

“I miss you, too.” You smiled despite of your trembling lips. He gave you a sweet smile while he held your hand on the table.

“Oh, before I forgot, here.” He brought a pamphlet on the table, offering it to you.

“I know it’s been ages since the three of us had gone to an adventure. I’ve already invited Soojin, she told me she’d say yes if you do.”

You stared at the pamphlet, reading the text printed out on the paper. Mountain hiking. Nature. Forest. Perfect for your current emotional state. It is exactly what you need, so without much of a thinking, you said yes.

—

“You know this night would get us looking wasted tomorrow, right?” Soojin asked as you picked up yet another bottle of soju.

You read the label on the drinks before nodding at her, “Relax. Trust me, it’s what we need.”

It’s what you need; ten shots of soju to drown your thoughts about Jaehyun. And about Mina. About everything else.

“What’s this? You’ll try to get yourself in a coma?” She shot up her brow, looking at the soju bottles on the push cart and to you.

“That’s why I invited you so we could get ourselves in a coma together,” You teased her.

Tonight, you invited Soojin to have a slumber party in your apartment with Yuqi. The emotions you’ve been bottling up since seeing Jaehyun with Mina needed to be released or else you’d die of suffocation. By your own experience of heartbreak and loss could you tell that soju is the bestest way to relieve yourself of the stress. Jaehyun does not have the rights to infiltrate your mind any longer and what’s best way to kick him out of your system than gulping down bottles of liquor, right?

It’s not normal of you to drink liquor on a Monday night, and if Soojin had noticed anything wrong about you, she didn’t ask. You’re not ready to face the problem yourself, either. Or maybe you will never face it.

“Anyways, Yuta told me you’ve accepted his apologies and that you’re willing to join us in the hiking,” Soojin starts as you walk outside the convenience store carrying snacks and soju bottles.

“Yes. I did. It’s time to revive the friendship and I think there’s nothing wrong in trying,” You shrugged.

Soojin nodded, “Yep. But…” She hesitates, you know exactly why. “…how about Jaehyun, though? Does Yuta know the truth?”

He doesn’t. Because you didn’t want to give him false hopes that both of you could work it out and be together again. “No. I didn’t tell him.” You frowned. “The last time we ate together, he told me he still loves me, that I should give him a chance.”

Soojin gaped at you, “You said no, of course. You wouldn’t introduce Jaehyun as your boyfriend if you’d agreed to give him a chance,”

You nodded at her. Soojin rolled her lips between her teeth, hesitant to ask you yet another question. “Do you fancy someone else now, though?” She finally asked.

Was it too obvious? The thought of Soojin noticing your affection towards Jaehyun gave you the creeps. It’s not like it isn’t true, but you aren’t ready to voice your feelings to someone else yet.

“I… I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to lie to me. I can see it in your eyes. I know you like… Jaehyun. I mean, Y/N, do you know that you’re the first secretary he took with him overseas?”

You stop in your tracks, completely focusing your attention to your best friend. She did the same.

“Yes. That’s right. Because his former secretaries couldn’t even make it to one month, except Maggie. Yet he didn’t even take Maggie to attend business with him overseas. I know it’s not that special… but it’s unusual of him to do that.” There’s a spark of hope that kindled in your chest by realizing what Soojin is trying to tell you. But you quickly smashed it, there’s no way Jung Jaehyun could have an affection towards you after the incident in his office.

“Are you saying he likes me?”

“Maybe…? I couldn’t tell yet, but there’s a possi—”

You cut her off, “Do you know that I saw him making out with another girl inside his office?”

Soojin gasped, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” You’re aware of the fact that it’s not right to tell what you’ve seen earlier to another people. It’s not right to gossip about the business of your boss. But Soojin is your best friend, you need to convince her that Jaehyun has no fondness towards you or else you’d believe her and that would definitely lead to your own destruction. You have to nail in your mind that Jaehyun would never like you. In that way, you’re saving yourself from the worse heartbreaks.

You walked back to your apartment talking about anything except for Jaehyun. It has cleared your mind somehow. As you talk with Soojin, you’ve prevented your mind to think about Jaehyun and Mina, or what could they possibly be doing in the moment. At least, you felt far away from them.

“Yuqi, you’re not allowed to drink.” You told your sister, tossing a juicebox her way.

“You’re such a kill joy,” she pouted. It’s her midterms week and you’re only allowing her to stay late to review her notes, not to drink with you. Soojin patted her back, frowning with her.

The night went on with the three of you laughing at some silly jokes you shared. Both Soojin and you reminiscing your embarrassing moments back in college. How Soojin literally drew a vagina, making your professor blushed in his seat while grading the canvas.

“I am fucking sleepy,” Soojin’s words were sluggish, proof that the soju has kicked in her system already.

You feel it too. You feel the warmth in your body, mind spinning from too much shots. Yuqi bid her goodnight five-minutes ago, leaving both you and Soojin on your own.

You were absolutely wrong to think that the liquor would make you forget Jaehyun. If anything, it just made your situation worse. Jaehyun’s memories flows within you like how the liquor flows in your veins— searing every part of your body.

How had everything came back to square one, you have no idea. All that you think of right now is the shame of hoping for something else after the night you spent with Jaehyun. Was it really a wishful thinking? But he made you feel special in those times, he made you feel like you were something out of the ordinary. Perhaps he does it to every girl he’s met and mingled with. Perhaps you weren’t really special. Perhaps he toyed with you and that was it— no explanations, no apologies, just utter heartbreak.

Why does this heartbreak feel different? Why do you feel like you are being hollowed inside out? Why do you feel like there’s a force trying to squeeze the air out of your lungs and the blood in your veins? God, why does it hurt so much?

“God, I love him.” You blurted out, your palms digging in your eyes while you let the tears flow down freely.

“What the heck are you talking about?” Soojin squinted her eyes at you.

“I love him! I love Jaehyun!” You cried. Soojin shifted beside you, bringing her arms around your body as you cried your heart out. “Why does it hurt so much? Why?” She’s lulling you now, her former drunk self thrown out because of your current situation. The pain, you couldn’t bear it. It feels like a sledgehammer to your heart.

“Sssh, Y/N. It’s okay. It’ll be okay,” she shushed.

“It will never be okay.” You whispered. The pain feels almost atavistic. It’s like a part of you is missing and never in a hundred years could it be found.

—

In this dream, you couldn’t feel anything; not the headache from being drunk nor the heartbreak from Jaehyun. Everything about this dream is like a fairytale, you know exactly where you are.

There are no crying voices, there are no prayers of sorrows, there are no kneeling families begging for Aurora to wake up. Only silence and the chirping of birds.

“You’re awake,” said the voice from the edge of the bed. She’s looking at you, with her body twisted sideways. Aurora.

You sat up on the lush bed, squinting and protecting your eyes from the burst of sunlight penetrating the room.  “Why am I here again? Aren’t you dead?” Right now, you need answers— from all these visions, from all these dreams. These aren’t just  simple images created by your mind; they are life.

“If I am dead, you are dead too. But we live, for eternity,” she says, facing you. She is ethereal. Soft. Pristine. Her every move is like the quiet waves of the ocean. It is unreal.

“What do you mean, eternity? I— I don’t understand. Why am I here? Why do I always see you in my dreams? Who really are you?” You bombarded her with questions, hoping that she’d quench every single one of it with answers.

“I am Aurora. You are here because it is your destiny. Soon, you will understand, once you are ready for it.” Her voice was like velvet in your ears, so smooth.

“Destiny? What destiny?”

You trace her lips with your eyes as she speaks the words, “Thou shall bear a love for one soul in a thousand faces— and suffer as the face cease to exist but the soul, perpetually.” She paused, then looked at you with smile on her lips. “That is your destiny.”

“What? Who told you that?” Because it is clear that the words are not from her, for it seems like it’s from someone— and she’s only memorizing the words to you.

“His name is Yuno.”

Yuno? Who is Yuno?

You gasped as you wake, your heart and head pounding. The clock tells you it’s five a.m. in the morning. Convenient. Now is the time to get up and face the world again— face Jaehyun again. You wonder what surprises he’s laid for you today.

It’s still dawn yet your body feels heavy already, preventing you to be productive and dynamic. The dream you had about Aurora sinking in your bones, making everything more difficult for you.

Yuno. The name sounds strange to you. You’ve never rolled its syllables on your tongue before. Destiny. You groaned at the thought. Here you are, thinking that you’re just a simple girl in a big city, yet your dreams tells you you’re more than what you believed you are. Is it true? What path does all these dreams lead to? Would it be worth it to jump and find answers?

Your intuition tells you there’s something out there for you— but you weren’t expecting something as complicated as this one. One step at a time, you told yourself. If you’re determined to find answers, you need to know who Aurora is. You need to find out if she still lives or she’s already dead like in your dreams. You need to have a point— point where to start.

“Thou shall bear a love for one soul… thousand faces… suffer… as the face cease to exist… but the soul… perpetually,” You chanted the words as you write them in your sketchbook. Understanding what it means would be a big step in your sleuthing.

Aurora said that the words are your destiny, and they were from a person named Yuno. But who is Yuno?

—

“Soojin, can I ask you something?”

The both of you are walking to the bus stop, looking bedraggled from the risky night you spent drinking and crying in each other’s shoulders. Soojin hugged you until you stopped crying yesterday night. She guided you on your bed, tucking you in before sleeping in Yuqi’s bedroom. Unfortunately for the both of you, your single bed wouldn’t be able to hold two bodies, that’s why she slept in Yuqi’s. But before she departed your room, she gave you a glass of water and kissed your forehead.

“Sure, what is it?” She said that while gliding her lipstick on her lips.

You’re certain that Aurora played a big part in Jaehyun’s life. You wouldn’t see him crying in the corner of Aurora’s bedroom as she laid dying on her bed if she was a nobody. Jaehyun crying, you would’ve considered it as a joke if it wasn’t for the fact that you saw it with your own eyes, despite that it happened in your dreams. Are they just your dreams, though? That, you will find out. You know they’re related with each other— no matter what his friends told you.

“In your two years of working in Jung’s Fiscals, have you ever seen Jaehyun with a girl?” You asked, “black hair, that falls up to her waist—” You motioned your hands to your waist and pointed your finger at your eyes, “and blue eyes! She’s pretty. Like a living princess.” Your eyes are widening now, eager for Soojin’s answer. But she only looked at you as if it’s her first time knowing you.

“There’s one girl who always visits him… and I know you’re familiar with her. She’s Chaelin. Apart from her and the other girl from yesterday… I don’t think I’ve seen him with the girl with blue eyes and black hair.” Soojin stated while she looked at you with knitted brows. “That’s an unusual appearance, you know. I’ve never met someone with the same facial features.” She added while fixing her hair.

“I told you she’s beautiful.” You told her. But you couldn’t stop the disappointment as it sips on your energy. On a spur of moment, Aurora feels so far away. The people who could help you refuses to say anything about her. Chaelin, Johnny, Taeyong. But why?

“Why are you asking, though? I know you like him, but you need not to murder his exes you know.”

“Shut up, bitch. I was just curious. To be honest, I always dream about the girl. Her name’s Aurora. And in my dreams, I always see Jaehyun. That’s a bit mysterious, don’t you think?” You tighten your hold around the strap of your bag, anticipating for your best friend’s answer. You know Soojin as a practical woman, but she might know something useful about your dreams. There’s no harm in trying. “I’d tell you that the setting of my dreams looked like it was made out of the eighteenth to nineteenth century.”

Soojin stopped fixing her bangs as she whirled towards you, “It feels old? That’s what you’re telling me?” You nodded as she pursed her lips like she’s remembering something. “My grandmother told me that sometimes, our dreams are doors to the life we had before. You’ve stated that you dream about odd and old things. There are a lot of reincarnation stories in the internet y’know. More of the times, it’s their dreams that tells them what they were before their life today. It’s honestly cool to have those kinds of visions…” Her voice was blurred out by your thoughts.

Past life. Reincarnation. Could it be possible that your dreams are doors to your life before? How? Now everything seems too convoluted for your brain to process. The voice of Aurora repeating in your mind: “That is your destiny.” What destiny, exactly?

—

“Sir, these are the files Laura sent me. She told me you need to sign these papers as soon as possible.” You laid the stack of piles on Jaehyun’s table while he currently scans a document and fiddling the pen with his fingers.

There wasn’t a making-out session to greet you good morning today, but Jaehyun still arrived earlier than you. He was rummaging through his files when you came into his office with a cup of coffee. Some were on the floors, some were on his desk. You could tell he was frustrated by how his brows were narrowed as if they’d become as one anytime soon.

“As soon as possible? Who the fuck tells the CEO that bullshit?” He flipped the pages of the document with enough force that the stapled edges of it were torn apart.

“Apparently, Laura did, Sir. You indeed need to sign the papers as soon as possible since you postponed your meeting with Mr. Kang yesterday,” You added, looking straight at the skyscrapers outside. You couldn’t afford to look at him and not break down here and there.

“Look at me when you talk to me.” It wasn’t a plea, it was a command. You have no other choice but to look at him— into those cruel dark brown eyes you want to forget. The moment you did, your lips slightly trembled.

He stood up from his seat, eyeing you as he did so. He leaned his weight on the edge of the table, arms crossed as he looked at you. “You’ve been ignoring me.”

Ignoring? What the hell is he talking about?

“Sir?” You asked him, incredulous by his audacity.

“You’ve been ignoring me. Why? Were you jealous about the incident you saw yesterday?”

You gulped down your irritation. Of course you were jealous. But you refuse to give him that satisfaction. “Why should I?” You cleared your throat then added, “Sir.” Like a soldier under the scrutinizing of the captain.

“Because you like me.” He stated, as a-matter-of-fact. Where is this conversation going? You couldn’t calculate his reason to state that sentence, but it made you shift on your position despite that. It was another thing to hear it from his lips.

“I don’t see the reason why it matters, Sir.”

“It matters to me, Y/N.”

“If you don’t have anything more to say, I’d better get working. Call me if you need anything, Sir. I’ll be right outside your office.” You flashed him your sweetest smile, ready to turn your back on him. But he swiftly caught your wrist. His look was almost apologetic. You didn’t even know why do you wait for him to say something. Minutes had gone by with the both of you just staring at each other, sharing a silence that shattered your already broken heart, levigating every bit of what’s left of it.

“Go.”

One word. You have no idea how could that one word hurt you even more. Perhaps because that one word held all possibilities that he could’ve taken but chose not to. The thought of hurting more than you already are baffles you. Just how much effect does Jaehyun holds against you? It’s frightening to think of it. His grip on you slackened. You walked away from him, but before you could open the door, you swear you heard him say the word ‘sorry’.

—

He’s certain you didn’t hear the words, he made sure of that. But as you tensed before opening the door made him realized that he was wrong. You heard it. He never felt so stupid as he did now.

Sorry. Sorry for what? For treating you like you didn’t matter to him? Sorry because you walked in on him devouring the lips of this unknown girl who seems too eager to have a piece of him? You could hide the pain in your eyes to the world, but not to him. He heard you entering his office and instead of pushing the girl away and give himself up to you, he chose to grab her waist and her breast like his life depended on it— he kissed her with enough hunger to make you recoil. And you did— with trembling hands that led to the coffee mugs crashing on the floor.

It wasn’t a simple shock of what you saw, it was also the shattering of your hopes, he saw it in your eyes. He wanted to run, hug you, beg for your forgiveness, but his feet wouldn’t move. It was locked up on the floors like how his promise to himself was locked up inside him; that is to keep you safe.

That night, he laid on his bed awake, no alcohols running in his blood. His thoughts were clear and they were all about you. How your lips trembled as you asked them if they still needed anything from you. You might have not realized that he saw the unshed tears behind your smiles, but he did. He felt sick to his stomach remembering how painful your smile was. He felt sick to know that it’s all because of him.

The pain was almost unbearable, if not for the thought that he’s hurting you for your own good. He closed his eyes then, remembering the words of the Almighty before He casted him out of heaven to fall into the abyss.

“Thou shall bear a love for one soul in a thousand faces— and suffer as the face cease to exist but the soul, perpetually.”

Do you belong to the faces? He didn’t want to know. He’d lose his mind if you were. The thought of you wasting away like Aurora made every fiber of his being to convulse in utter fury. It couldn’t be. You couldn’t be. Yet what power does he have against the will of his Creator? None. So he closed his eyes, letting the sleep to pull him under, forgetting all the troubles of his reality behind.

“Aurora?”

This is a dream. He knew it the moment he opened his eyes to a lake, surrounded by wildflowers and butterflies. At the edge of the lake’s mouth stood a woman he knows too well like the back of his hand.

“My love,” she called out, voice like the lullabies of the angel in the heavens. Black hair, blue eyes— it was indeed his lover. Jaehyun could feel his heart beating loudly against his chest with every step he takes towards the girl he loved for more than a century now.

“You’re alive,” He knows she’s not. But she feels so real that he’s afraid his realities might be slipping away from him. The woman smiled. She never changed one bit.

“I am always alive, my love.” She stretched out her hand to him, he took it gladly, placing it on his chest where his heart is located.

“Here. You are always alive.” He smiled. How unusual it was to feel his lips stretch into a smile, his skin feels tight and the feeling is unfamiliar.

“I know it belongs to someone else now, Yuno.”

How long has it been? How long has it been since he was called by that name? The name he cherished because it was his name when she was still alive. The name he buried together with her when she died.

“My heart belongs to you, always.” He kissed her palm, pressing it lightly to his cheek after.

“It was mine. Now it’s hers.”  She softly voiced.

“What do you mean, chérie?” His heart has been pounding in his chest now, mind blank from what Aurora tries to tell him.

“Have courage, my love. It is our destiny.”

Jaehyun woke, gasping. He stood up and ran his hand through his hair, the sweat on his forehead sopping its strands. What the fuck was that?

It’s been a while since he dreamt of Aurora. It wasn’t always pleasant. He always dreamt about her wasting body, the jutting bones and her frailty always occupies his vision. Her kneeling and sobbing parents around her deathbed, her little sister praying to God to wake her up. All the prayers and the cries that resulted to nothing; it all comes crashing down on him whenever he closes his eyes.

It is our destiny. She said the words again. He could hear her over and over in his mind, trying to convince him that no one could stand against the will of God. But he refused to believe it. He was never going to believe it. It was one thing to punish him, it is another thing to punish someone because of him. Yet Aurora unfailingly saw the punishment as her blessing. She was always a pious lady— never missing any mass, befriended all the priests, always praying whenever she went. She never once took it as a burden. If that is the will of God, who am I to refuse Him? She always told him. Not a trace of disbelief or horror in her pretty face. She embraced her destiny like how mothers embraces their newborn child.

Are you not happy that my soul would never die? She asked him once. How could he rejoice from that fact? How could he rejoice when the love of his life was destined to die, but her soul? How could he touch an intangible thing such as a person’s soul? How could he hold it? He wasn’t happy. It was Aurora that he wanted and he never wanted so much in his life before her.

What is a hundred years compared to your lifetime? He remembered her asking. It was too much. How could he wait for someone he could fall in love with after hundreds of years if it’s not going to be Aurora at the end of the century? Why does he need to fall in love over and over again just to be left broken in the end? It is your punishment, traitor. The voice inside him whispered with enough obloquy to make him wince.

It was foolish of him to expect that his retribution won’t kick him in his guts again. He was so careful— so careful not to fall in love a second time. He guarded his heart with glacial ice that no one could melt. He guarded it with the love he shared with Aurora. Yet you came and went crashing down on the ice. You came, slowly infiltrating the love he kept for Aurora only. His heart is as jagged as his soul, it is a rotten thing but it’s all that he could offer you. He’d willingly give it you if it weren’t for the odds.

—

The mountain of Sagada nestled in a valley at the upper end of the Malitep tributary some half kilometers in the Central Cordillera Mountains. The guides who are usually called as Kankanaey welcomed the three of you with warm smiles.

It’s more than half an hour since you arrived and registered at the Municipal Tourism office located in the municipal hall. Various groups of friends and families registered alongside the three of you. The Kankanaey introduced Sagada as a well-known place for recreational activities such as hiking, camping, exploring caves and waterfalls and joining tribal gatherings.

You personally feel elevated to travel the famous waterfalls and caves as well as the hanging coffins as introduced by the Kankanaey. It’s been awhile since you’ve done something such as hiking a mountain. You almost felt thankful for Yuta for inviting you in. Soojin couldn’t keep her DSLR since you started the hiking— you could only assume that she has so much images to keep as memories now.

Sagada Mountains did not disappoint. Your first destination was the Bokong waterfalls near the town center. The falling waters from it gave you the refreshment your mind deserves. Jaehyun still lingers in your mind; you wonder about his well-being, about what he’s doing, eating, whether he’s stressed-out and needed a hand. But you try not to dwell in those thoughts as you stepped in the beauty of the mountain. This adventure would be in vain if you fail to clear your mind from all the heartbreaks.

Yuta decided that you should stay for two nights and three days to appreciate the view of Sagada in the gloaming. Many mountain people have told you that the skies at the peak of the mountain stretched out like clouds of cotton as the sun rise. The view would be a spectacle to behold, it would be a shame not to witness it.

“… later,”

You heard Yuta whispered to nowhere as you trailed the rocky path of the mountain, tha hanging coffins visible in the distance. Who was he talking to? It was a whisper but you’re certain you heard him talked. Soojin and the others trails ahead of you, hands in her camera.

“You alright?” You asked Yuta with concern. The Kankanaey didn’t say anything about ghosts nor elementals roaming the mountains— did Yuta see one?

He was quick to blink and shook his head at you, like a dog shaking off the waters in its fur. “Yes, let’s go?” He laid out his palms to welcome you to the path. You shrugged your thoughts away and hurried to match Soojin’s strides.

Before going into your own guest house near the mountains, there was a tribal gathering you attended first. It was relaxing to familiarized yourself to different cultures other than yours, it reminded you of the life outside of work and responsibilities. You wished that you brought Yuqi with you, but her inability to do challenging abilities prohibited her in joining the mountain hike. Nevertheless, she promised to take her meds and she also invited her classmate to accompany her in the days that you’ll be gone.

“I need a shower,” Soojin declared as she laid down her duffel bag on the mattress. The both of you shares a room, leaving Yuta alone in the other bedroom across from yours.

You decided to cook something for dinner while Soojin cleans herself. Yuta offered to help you. The air between the two of you wasn’t as awkward as it was when he came back from Japan, it was bearable. He does not ask you about Jaehyun, which makes you wonder whether he’s already noticed the truth and decided to shrug it off. Or he observed your aloofness from the topic of relationship that’s why he doesn’t bug you about your ‘boyfriend’. Either way, you were thankful to not hear Jaehyun’s name being uttered by anyone. It’s nice to have this little vacation to yourself and with your friends.

After the dinner, you cleaned yourself and joined Yuta and Soojin as they drink in the veranda.

“The air’s so refreshing,” Soojin muttered as she took a swig on her own bottle. The air was cold, but it’s not unpleasant to the skin. It was a comfortable type of cold, like the splash of water on your face in the mornings of summer.

You sat beside Soojin, opening a bottle of your own. “I wish we could come back here,” You said, looking out at the view. Tiny lights were emitted by houses, like fireflies underneath the darkness of the forest.

“I personally liked the hanging coffins,” Yuta blurted out. The hanging coffins weren’t something you’ve seen before. They were literally coffins hanging on the side of the cliff. The Kankanaey told you it is the traditional way to bury the dead during the olden days. Unfortunately today, it is not used anymore. And based from the natives, a certain requirement should be met before someone would get buried that way; he or she must have been married and had children.

“Those gave me the creeps, but it was such an incredibly unusual way of burial.” Soojin commented.

“We should really go back here,” Yuta chuckled. “And hopefully we could bring Jaehyun with us.” He looked at you, his face unreadable by the dimness of the light.

Jaehyun. Just when you thought that nobody would chant his name today. You felt Soojin’s eyes as she waited for you to say something.

“I don’t think so,” You fake laughed. “He’s such a workaholic. I bet he does not fancy adventures as this one,” You added. Yuta only nodded at you, his mouth twisting in disappointment.

“That’s a shame. He must be boring then,”

Is he taunting me? You collected your thoughts by Yuta’s comment. Your mouth opened up to what? Defend Jaehyun? Thankfully, Soojin washed the tensed atmosphere away by clearing her throat.

“I’d like to swim in their famous waterfalls, tomorrow. Could we do that?” Soojin looked at the both of you with hopeful eyes.

“If we’re still here tomorrow,” Yuta commented as he mindlessly took a swig of his bottle.

“I thought we’d stay for three days?” You asked Yuta. He stared at you as if he was caught off guard by your question, then he chuckled; a trace of nervousness could be heard from his voice.

“Yeah… I forgot.”

Forgot? Staying for three days in Sagada was the only thing Yuta talked about on the way here. According to him, you’d enjoy the wonders of the mountains if your stay would be a bit longer than the usual. It’s unexpected of him to forget that when he was the one who literally planned all of this.

“Alright! I must ready my swimsuit then. Good night!” Soojin laid her empty bottle on the table with a thud, hurrying down the hallways to your shared bedroom.

“I think we should—” You stood up, but Yuta caught your wrist, demanding you to sit down. “What is it?” You asked.

“Can we go for a walk?” He sounds pleading, that you’d feel bad to say no. So you nodded your head and gave him an encouraging smile. Maybe he wasn’t yet sleepy and he needed to unwind.

You walked the rocky trail from your guest house to nowhere, the light of the moon your only guide in the darkness. Crickets could be heard, hiding in the trees. The surroundings was eerily silent saved for the ophidian whispers of the winds slapping against the trees.

“Do you know what a fairy circle is?” Yuta asked all of a sudden. You kicked a small stone in your way before looking at him.

“I don’t. Why?” In the darkness, you’re certain you heard his little huff of relief by your answer. “Is it something ghostly? You inquired, a small chuckle reverberating in your throat.

“No. But they say it could bring you luck once you stepped on it,”

“Really? What kinds of luck?”

“Good fortune, as I’ve read.” He shrugged then added, “I saw one earlier on the way here and I thought I should show you,”

You gasped, excited. “Really? Where?” By your question, Yuta halted on his tracks, his body now pointing towards something in the darkness.

“Here.” He trudged the distance, with you trailing behind him. The light of the moon illuminated something white in the distance. “The fairy circle,” He announced as he looked at the wild mushrooms in a form of a circle on the earth. The inside of the circle wasn’t big, just enough for your two feet to step on.

“Oh! This is so cool. We should try it!” You enthusiastically tug on Yuta’s shirt like a child begging for ice cream. Yuta doesn’t share the same excitement, he was looking at you bewildered.

“Are you sure?”

You nodded, “Yep. I mean, it looks harmless. And it’s probably just a myth. But you know I love to try these kinds of things.” You widened your eyes at him in amusement, “So, how should I do it? Do I step inside and close my palms together as if I’m wishing?” You chuckled, your blood rising jovially.

Yuta seemed to decide about something, then he closed his eyes as if to release some tension. Is he afraid? The thought made you chuckle. But then he opened his eyes and told you that you needed to step inside the circle and wish.

“Okay! I wish Soojin’s with us…” You frowned but stepped in the circle nonetheless. “I wish that—”

Everything seemed to swirl the moment you said the words. Yuta slowly becoming a blur beside you. You couldn’t stop but spin on the same spot, making your head hurt and your stomach to churn.

“Yuta!” You called out. There wasn’t an answer to your plea but little voices that seems to be laughing at you. What is happening? The sharp and painful stomping of your heart only adds to your anxiety. The world that you knew seems so far away— feels so far away as you spin and spin into nothingness. Into the bluriness of darkness.

You called out for Yuta, begging to be heard. But all seems to fade now— the copse of trees, the sound of the crickets, your voice as you shout for Yuta’s name— they were all gone and all that you could hear was the merriment of the little voices as you plunged into the abyss.

You fell with a thud; a cloud of dust rising all around you as you plummeted into the earth. Your clothes are dusty, you feel your bun loosing its grip on your hair. There was the sound of fire crackling, you opened your eyes.

Creatures loomed around you, their faces monstrous and unique. Some of them have blue skin, some of them has thorns, has spindly limbs, claws instead of fingers. Some of them looked as if they came from the deepest parts of the ocean, some looked half-human and half-animal. They were all dancing around the fire, around you. It took you a second to realized that they’re currently having a fête.

What cosplay world is this? You searched around for anything familiar. There was none. Your vision are full of singing and dancing creatures. The memory of you spinning after you stepped into the fairy ring comes rushing back like a splash of wave against the boulders of rock along the shore.

You stood up, legs trembling from the impact of your collision in the ground. The music slowly receded as a figure slowly emerges from behind the crowd, parting the creatures in her every step.

A woman. With a crown atop her head. She’s wearing an elaborative gown of a champagne color. Her cleavage proudly showing. Veins and twigs hugs her gown— with red flowers adoring the silk. The queen. When she spoke, everyone shushed as well as your heart. “My dearest fairies of this realm, I welcome you to the night that we have all been waiting for. Lay all your troubles behind, let us all dance and sing!” She raised her hands in the air, and the creatures around you all rejoiced.

You feel yourself getting smaller and smaller by their lack of concern towards you. But it was short-lived as the woman stared at you like you’re the most delicious meal she’s ever going to taste. “Oh, what an interesting creature,” Her voice was sultry as she continues to speak, “Welcome to the lands of the fairie, Y/N.”

Everyone shouts, different tones of voices— some were tiny, some sounded like they came from the darkest of the cave, some ethereal. But all of them, despite their varieties in tones, they still sent shivers down your spine. They are not human. They are nothing like you.

“Silence!”

The voice didn’t come from the queen. It came from behind you. Everyone seemed to shut their mouths as yet another figure emerged from the crowd. She wasn’t anything like the queen. The woman who appeared from the crowd holds a branch of tree as her walking stick. Her back has been bent because of old age and she’s wearing a simple brown hood— nothing special. There were no jewelries adorning her body. She reminded you a lot like the old woman in Snow White. And she’s walking straight towards you, eyes boring into yours.

You wanted to run, but where would you go? The shock absorbed all your strength. You couldn’t even scream as she stood in front of you. You fell on your butt to the ground, the old woman towering over you— while the heat of the fire felt so near against your back. No matter what you did, you couldn’t look away at her black irises— so stark against the burning fire behind you.

Her rough hands grasp your cheek, scanning your face for anything, for something. Then her eyes widened, real fear reflected in her orbs. She was scornful as she looked at the Queen, still grasping your cheek, her nails digging in your skin.

“You are a fool, girl.” She spat, eyes blazing with horror.

The Queen doesn’t seem to know what the old woman was trying to convey, she only looked bored. “Yuta, bring your aunt into her own chambers. She is ruining the night for everyone.” She rolled her eyes.

Yuta? He’s not the Yuta you know, right? A man with white hair emerges from behind the Queen. His ears are pointed, and he looks as if he’s shining. He’s beautiful. And he’s indeed Nakamoto Yuta. If you could sink further into the ground, you would. You couldn’t feel your knees, you couldn’t even stand. He’s looking at you apologetically; a silent sorry for what he did to you.

“Yuta,” You were surprised to hear your own voice, no matter how dry it sounded. He walked towards the old woman, not bothering to look at you.

“Yuta, wait!” You scrambled to your feet, but you couldn’t stand, so you crawled towards him— tugging on his clothes. Everything about him screams royalty that it feels wrong to touch him somehow. “Where am I? What is this?” You begged. But he held your hand and slowly pushed you away from him. “Just trust me, Y/N.” He said.

You stare at him, dumbfounded. How could you trust him when it was clear he’s the reason why you’re here? Before Yuta could drag the old woman away from the crowd, she said something to the Queen; shadow of fear was painted on her face as she heard the words.

“You have not realized it yet, but you already brought the wrath of the Fallen into your own kingdom.” Then she stomped far away from the fête, with Yuta trailing behind her.

—

Something is not right, Jaehyun thought. It’s already eight in the morning yet you still haven’t arrived. There’s still no sound of the door creaking open, there’s still no aroma of the coffee infiltrating the air around him. There’s still no trace of you.

Jaehyun massaged his temple, temper rising like the documents on his table. It’s unusual of you to be late. He wanted to calm down and let his mind relax for a bit, but the documents scattered on the floor stands as a proof of him failing to do so. You’re supposed to be back from your mountain hiking— the mere thought of it plus the fact that you spent your little vacation with that fae prince made his blood boil— but you’re still not around after three days. He’s lost count of the times he’d glanced on his phone for a text message. He’s lost count of the times he attempted to call your number just to ask whether you’re alright.

He stood up, hands on his waist. He needed to fucking breathe or else he’d lose it. Where the fuck are you, Y/N? Not seeing your face for three days almost drove him insane. Not to mention the fact that in those miserable days, you were with Yuta. If he could follow you just to make sure Yuta won’t lay a single finger on you, he absolutely would. But he knew it’s best to leave you alone to have your time to think, to heal.

The tall buildings outside of his own seems to blur by thoughts of you, he couldn’t think about anything else other than your well-being. Where are you, what are you doing, are you sick, do you need a break. Come fucking on, Y/N. Just one message. But it’s been three hours since he arrived in the building, still, there wasn’t a single message from you.

He doesn’t even know why is he so unnerved today. This day has been the worst of those three days without you. Perhaps because he’d expected to see your pretty face first thing in the morning, waiting for him patiently on your table.

He couldn’t do this. No. He feels like he might burst sooner or later if he’d make no move to know about your wellfare. So he dialed the front desk and requested for your friend, Soojin. She arrived moments later. And if she isn’t the human embodiment of mess, who is?

Jaehyun blinked at the sight of her. Soojin’s hair was tied in a neat bun, her lips red from a lipstick, but if you’d look closely, fatigue circles her eyes and there’s restlessness by the way that she carries herself. Her current appearance gave Jaehyun an ominous feeling.

“Good morning, Sir. You requested for me?” Even her voice sounded tired. Something is entirely wrong.

Jaehyun cleared his throat, careful not to push the woman in front of him since she looks like she’s about to cry. “Where is Y/N?”

At his question, Soojin covered her face with her hands and began sobbing her heart out. Jaehyun’s jaw twitched as his chest constricted by different thoughts of what possibly happened to you. The woman cried for a good three minutes before she gathered herself and answered. “I… we… don’t have any idea— one moment they were with me, then they were gone.”

“They?” He squinted his eyes.

“Yes. I… I went to sleep first. And I left them— Yuta and Y/N— then they’re gone the next day.”

The mention of Yuta’s name made Jaehyun curl his fingers closed. That bastard. He’s got a bad feeling about where they went— or worse, where Yuta took Y/N with him. He would applaud the audacity of that fae bastard if it wasn’t for the fact that every fiber of his being are being woken up by something he’s completely familiar with; fury.

“Can you write?” He asked Soojin, the girl nodded yes. She slumped on the seat in front of Jaehyun’s office table. “Write all the exact location of the places you went to.” He commanded. Soojin wrote it down without question. The list wasn’t long, which makes the tracing easier to accomplish. Jaehyun told Soojin to go home and get enough rest, since the girl badly needed it. She bowed and then left the office.

He wasted no time to dial Chaelin’s number, the piece of paper crumpled in between his fingers. “Dispatch someone to the location I’m going to send you,” He said as a greeting.

“What’s going on?” The woman inquired.

“Search all the premises. For anything. I need to make sure Yuta took Y/N to the Fairie lands.” He breathed, his patience thinning. He could go straight to the realm of the Fairies but there’s too much to risk— his every step and plan needs reckoning.

“Isn’t Yuta the fairie bastard you told me to take care of?”

“Yes.”

Chaelin groaned, “That faerie prince won’t listen to me. He stated that he doesn’t care whether it’s Lucifer’s line he’s crossing as long as he’d be together with Y/N, forever.”

Jaehyun’s grip on the phone tightened. In his long life of living in the Earth, this is the first time a mere faerie prince neglected him. “Let’s see how far his impudence would take him once I destroy their kingdom.”

—

“We mustn’t let him enter the Fairie realms alone,” Chaelin leaned on the table in Doyoung’s library as she finished informing them about what Jaehyun told him on the phone. She already sent him a picture the fairy ring that was found by Lucas and Jeno near the guest house they had stayed in.

Jaehyun’s response was unpleasant; the call was muffled by cursing and threats that she needed to cut off before Jaehyun could lose his temper completely. The mere fact that a fairie prince dared cross Jaehyun doesn’t really surprised Chaelin— there were kings back then who tried Jaehyun, and all their kingdoms crumbled to dust before their eyes— what baffles her right now is the way how he reacted by your disappearance. For all the years that she’s known Jaehyun, she’s never seen him so disoriented. He always laid out plans in pristine order. He always carries himself neatly even during a war. But right now, it’s different. He’s different because of you.

“Why? It’s not like he’s gonna get himself killed.” Taeyong shrugged as he slumped on the sofa near Chaelin, staring at the ceiling as if to stretch his neck.

Chaelin breathed a sigh of frustration. It seems like she’s the only one who’s actually afraid about Jaehyun’s threat. “Yes. He won’t. But he’s gonna get every fairie annihilated in a blink,”

“That would be beneficial for us, don’t you think?” Taeyong let out a groan, stretching his limbs as he tries to close his eyes.

“Can you hear yourself right now Taeyong? The destruction of the Fairies would disturb the balance of Netherworld.” Doyoung chided in. And it seems like the three of them were the only people who’s actually interested to the discussion.

“Since when did they consider themselves as netherworlders?” Taeyong opened his one eye, the red of his irises gleaming on the bright lights provided both by artificial lightings and moonlight.

Chaelin massaged her temple, the discussion suddenly felt like boulders of rocks on her back. “They don’t. But it’s a fact they’re one of us.” She sighed, “and what do you think Jaehyun would do once he’s in there? Shake hands with the Queen?”

“I think… he would call upon the horsemen.” Kun commented, a vampire in Taeyong’s clan. Fucking finally, Chaelin whispered. Someone other than her seemed to listen.

“I don’t know guys, but I don’t think Jaehyun is that impulsive?” Taeil looked at each of them, brows shot up to his forehead. He’s also a warlock like Doyoung.

Then Xiaojun, a vampire under Taeyong’s clan chimed in, “Yeah. I mean, it’s not like it’s Aurora who’s kidnapped by the Fae. It’s Y/N. She’s another topic. And I don’t think Jaehyun would risk wrecking havoc in the Fairie realms to get her back.”

“I would.” Jaehyun said, entering the library with a bud of cigarette pressed between his lips. With his hair disheveled and his tie hanging loosely on his neck, he pinned them down with a stare. “So you fuckers better decide now, or else I’ll go there alone. And I’m telling you it’s not going to be pleasant.” He crashed his cigarette against the table, scorching the wood as he did so. Chaelin believed the ember wasn’t because of the cigarette only— it also came from Jaehyun’s fingers.

“I won’t risk my changelings, Jaehyun.” Taeyong said, still slumped into the sofa like sloth.

Jaehyun whirled on him, “What the fuck are they here for then? They need to grow some balls, Taeyong.”

It wasn’t normal of Jaehyun to talk the younger ones down. Chaelin realized the fact of you alone and helpless in the Fairie realms ignited something inside Jaehyun which resulted to his attitude towards them.

“Jaehyun, we’re aware that you’re frustrated. But we won’t achieve nothing if you keep being a dick.” Chaelin stated, careful with her tones.

Jaehyun spun around, “And some of us need to fucking check if they have one.” Then stopped at Taeyong’s direction.

Taeyong sprung up from his seat and seethed, “Watch it.” He told Jaehyun. And they both stared each other down.

“Don’t you dare look at me that way, Taeyong.” Jaehyun sounded like he’s talking to a child. His ancient glory towering over Taeyong. Chaelin sighed from the sight.

“While the two of you are bickering about your masculinity, the Fae could be doing nasty fairie stuff with Y/N.” Doyoung sounded tired, “We need to plan! If Taeyong doesn’t want his changelings involved, let him! For fuck’s sake Jaehyun, you alone could get Y/N back. What more if we’re with you? We don’t have to bring everyone.”

Taeyong was the first one to break the tensed atmosphere by sighing and clapping Jaehyun at his back. The latter ran a hand through his hair, a dispirited sigh leaving his lips.

“When do we leave?” Ten, a warlock, emerges from behind the stacks of books. Chaelin didn’t know he was with them all along.

“At dawn.” They aren’t words, they are an order. A command from Lucifer.

[nymphigeon]

Roses Have Thorns

♡ Pairing; Jungkook x Reader

♡ Genre; Angst, Fluff, Fantasy!AU, Supernatural!AU, S2L, Student!Jungkook, Wizard!Jungkook, Angel!Reader, Demon!Reader, Student!Reader

♡ Warnings (for this chapter); Swearing, mentions of stabbing, an attack

♡ Rating; NC-17

♡ Words; 2893

♡ Summary; A girl forced to live in fear because of her own power. Even though she isn’t supposed to exist, she wants to live. She’ll just make sure that she breaks herself over and over until there is nothing left of her. He, of course, won’t let her.

Series masterlist

 Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three

Chapter Two

“Haeun? Is this yours?” You ask as you walk into your mansion’s private library. In the middle of the library stands a long table with chairs all round. Only one of the chairs is taken. “I found this glass looking thing in my room, but I can’t remember having anything like it.” You open the palm of your hand to show the item mentioned.

Haeun doesn’t look up from her book, but somehow still knows what you’re talking about. “It’s a regeneration crystal. As long as you keep it on you the crystal will heal all wounds until it’s drained of power. After that you can keep it as a pretty rock or throw it out if you wish. A gift from one of mother’s clients. We all have one.”

Despite spending her time reading a book, she couldn’t have looked more bored. You can’t read the title on the cover with the way she’s holding it, but if you had to guess it’s probably something college related.

“Why would they gift regeneration crystals? They’re crazy expensive and it’s not like one of us gets stabbed every day.” You look at the tiny crystal in your hand with a puzzled look. For the longest time these crystals were thought to be a myth. Something someone thought of while writing their newest fantasy thriller.

Everyone claiming they had one got called crazy and eventually, nobody spoke of them anymore. Too scared to be criticized by a large number of people, these owners of the regeneration crystals got silenced.

It wasn’t until a group of researches accidentally stumbled upon a small warehouse filled with the crystals that the supposed myth was proven to be reality. A few powerful witches had been creating them, hoping to be able to distribute them among those joining the military.

Back then the crystals weren’t nearly as powerful or small as they are now, but as a myth proven true all the tabloids were filled with the news. Obviously the researches saw money in the crystals, and instead of giving them to those that needed them for free like the witches wanted, they sold them off to those with power.

Needles to say the creators were angry and stopped producing them. Some say they still created the crystals in secret, giving them off to the ones they trusted as soon as they were done so nobody could selfishly steal them, though this was never confirmed.

It wasn’t until a few years later that researches found another type of witches who were able to make them. These individuals had a completely different mindset compared to the original inventors, and decided to team up with the researchers, creating the crystals to sell them.

Sadly, both types of witches that were able to produce these see-through stones slowly died out, leaving just a handful all over the world. The crystals got rarer by the day, prices skyrocketing. If you’re lucky you’ll meet a nice witch sometime during your life who will create you a free crystal. If not, you must be ready to pay a fortune.

“Should you really be talking though? If anything you need it the most out of us all.” She closes her book after placing a bookmark in between pages. “Nobody is trying to harm me Haeun.”

Your older sister never seemed to particularly like you, and you’ve never been able to find out why. Out of your three siblings, all older than you, she’s the only one who seems to hold a grudge against you. By now it’s almost an everyday occurrence, wondering why she was the only one that had to stay home besides yourself, while the others moved out when they finished high school.

“Because you’ve been protected by a stuck-up entitled brat your whole life.” She glares at you and pushes her chair back to stand up, clearly not wanting to be in the same room as you. “You’re lucky you’re mom’s child. She’s probably the only person who would go through such great lengths to make sure you’re safe.”

Being the youngest child, you’ve always sought for the validation of your older siblings. That worked two times, or more specific, it worked for the two twins in the household. Your 24 year old brother and sister adore you, always calling to make sure everything is okay back home. Haeun though, can’t seem to hold that same energy.

“You truly speak like a fully-fledged demon.” You do not wish to fight with her, still, you also can’t just let her get away with her words. Perhaps this is your own way of trying to show her that she hurt you.

“I’d like to remind you that your own mother and like half of your family tree is full-demon.” She seems to think your distress is amusing, happily replying to your insults. “You’re the only one whose personality matches one as well.”

Somewhere you were hoping she’d comfort you, apologizing for her words. “If I’m so bad then why is nobody hunting me down? Why am I not the one being protected?” You can’t do anything but look at the ground and stand there, not knowing what to say.

Haeun, noticing your lack of answer, walks up to you so she can deliver her following words right in your face. “You know, criminals aren’t supposed to be protected.” Walking past you, she gets to the exit of the room.

“I didn’t do anything.” Once again you’re trying to hold back tears. Why do you have to be such a cry baby? “Keep telling yourself that. Hopefully it’ll come true one day.” Is it her mission to make you feel as miserable as she possibly can?

“Is it so wrong to just want to feel safe?” You whisper, but her sensitive ears still hear you. “In your case, of course it is.” With that she walks out, letting the door fall closed behind her. With her she takes the little confidence you managed to build up for yourself.

The loud thud of something – or rather a bunch of things – falling wakes Jungkook up. Complete silence follows the sound, almost as if it was never even there. The still tired boy groans, rolls over, and gets ready to fall back asleep. It’s Saturday, waking up at any time before 1 pm is way too early according to him.

Just for a second Jungkook debates whether he should go check if everything is okay, but quickly dismisses the thought. Nobody is screaming out it pain, so it should be fine. Except if said person fucked up so bad that whatever fell instantly killed them.

Jungkook sighs and accepts the fact that he might be a teensy bit worried. He yawns, not caring to block his mouth, and sits up in bed. There’s not much his eyes have to adjust to, as the room is still completely dark thanks to his blackout curtains hanging in front of the windows. The curtains were hell for his basically empty bank account back when he bought them, but damn do they do a good job at keeping the light out.

He can’t tell what time it is, but his droopy eyes tell him it’s definitely nowhere near noon yet. Getting out of bed, Jungkook puts some socks on his bare feet. It’s no secret that their laminate flooring is almost always freezing in the mornings. There was even a time when Namjoon was sure some evil spell had been casted on their floor, doing his best to get rid of it. Needless to say, that didn’t go very well. Turns out no evil spell was on the floor, their bitchy apartment just loses heat really fast.

When Jungkook walks out of his room he calls out for the only other person living there. “Namjoon?” He squints at the light coming through the living room windows. Both Namjoon and Jungkook have their own room, so there was no need to get any curtains for the living room. It would just have been a waste of money, although Jungkook is thinking of buying some for his poor eyes.

Nobody answers his call. Did these things just fall on their own then? Jungkook is quite sure he doesn’t live with a pair of ghosts, so he shuffles a bit further into the room and calls out again. “Is everything okay? Where are you?” He raises the volume of his voice a bit, hoping that it will help.

He can’t help but lightly cringe at the way he sounds, having forgotten he only woke up a few minutes ago and his voice is still laced with sleep. “I’m here Jungkook.” This time Namjoon responds to the call from the kitchen.

Jungkook walks over to the kitchen to check on the current situation. “What happened? I heard something falling and-“ Abruptly stopping his speech, Jungkook’s eyes widen as soon as he reaches the doorway.

The kitchen floor is an absolute mess. Food laying everywhere on top of what seems to be a dozen of broken eggs, with Namjoon’s form desperately trying to clean at the side. “Wha- How did you…” It takes him a moment before he can manage to form a proper sentence, not sure if what he’s seeing is real.

“Why is there food all over the floor?!” Jungkook nearly screams in shock. Luckily none of his snacks ended up on the floor, having no need to be refrigerated. They are still safely tucked away somewhere in one of the cupboards.

“I wanted to take something out of the fridge without moving the rest in front of it, but as you see, it kind of failed..” Namjoon looks guilty. Not only did he throw hard earned money on the floor, he also woke his roommate up in the process. Two things he likes to avoid.

Jungkook internally face palms, but doesn’t show it on his face. “This is what you get for being lazy.” Although he probably shouldn’t be saying that, as he is usually the lazy one. Jungkook bends down to get a towel from one of the lower cupboards. Initially he was going straight back to sleep after seeing what happened, but he’d feel bad if he just left Namjoon alone here.

“No worries, I’ll help you.” He smiles at his friend, trying to somehow comfort him. “Thank you.” Namjoon scratches the back of his head out of embarrassment, before audible sighing. “I’ll go get the mop.” He lets Jungkook know before walking out. This was not how Jungkook imagined he would be spending his Saturday morning, but at least nobody got hurt.

“Eleanor.” She didn’t need to turn around to know who was standing behind her. Having heard his voice for years now, the sound is most familiar to her. Comforting, soft, caring.

“It’s getting cold, so I brought you a jacket.” Elenora smiles and takes the jacket her husband offers her. “Thank you.”

The temperature dropping hadn’t been on her mind, too deep in her own thoughts. She’s thankful for the garment, instantly feeling a lot warmer.

“What do you think of the flowers?” Elenora asks Minho right after he sits down next to her. “I planted them before my sister brought the kids over, since Juwon likes them.” A small smile is plastered on her face at the thought of her excited nephew.

“They’re pretty, I like them.” He feels her eyes on him and looks down to meet her gaze. Having been caught, Elenora quickly turns her head in the opposite direction. They have been married for quite a few years, but sometimes she still acts like a high school student having a crush.

“I’m glad.”

Silence follows. Minho wasn’t planning on staying outside with her, but now that he’s here he might as well enjoy the fresh air. Besides, something feels off, a pull keeping him next to her.

“Am I a bad person?” The silence get cut by an unexpected question. “Eleanor-” “I’m making sure that someone who shouldn’t have power, keeps her crown. At this point I’m just spreading propaganda.”

She sighs and rests her head in her hands, covering her face. “I’m trying to keep someone safe by helping those with ill intentions. Does that make me a bad person?” She isn’t necessarily looking for an answer, she knows there is none.

“I agreed to it. If that makes you a bad person then I’m one too.” Scooting closer, Minho takes her hands from her face, squeezing lightly. “Angels can’t be bad, that’s exactly what they’re known for, what gives them their name.” She lets out a sad sounding chuckle. Despite everything, she can find a little enjoyment in the statement.

“There’s a first for everything.” He smiles at her, stroking the back of her hands. “No one is ever 100% good, but I’d like to think you are.” They say love makes you blind, and maybe she is, but she doesn’t really care.

“Then you are too.” No hesitation in his voice. She isn’t sure what makes him say that, but she’ll believe his words for now.

“We’ll figure out a way to satisfy everyone eventually. It just takes time of course. I trust the story won’t end badly.” He isn’t sure how to comfort her or how to give her an answer. All he can do now is support her. “I do hope so.” She lays her head on his shoulder, hoping that perhaps all her problems will disappear if she just forgets about them.

Jungkook usually loves the fact that the stores in town are open until late. He can’t even count the amount of times he went out at night to restock the snack he ate during the day, thanking the Lord for the gift of convenience stores.

Right now though, he hates it. Had the stores been closed by now, Namjoon wouldn’t have pushed him out the door to do the weekly grocery shopping, and Jungkook could have still been playing the new game he bought a week ago to which he ended up getting addicted to.

Well he wasn’t really forced out of the door, more like Namjoon convinced him to go. Damn him for having an important appointment with his project partner. Who wants to do school work during the weekend anyway?

“I should have everything now.” He murmurs while peering into the plastic bag dangling from his arm, looking back and forth between its contents and the shopping list to make sure he didn’t forget anything.

Jungkook probably bought more ramen than needed, but as long as he didn’t forget anything it should be fine. Even though it’s Jungkook who does most of the cooking in the house, Namjoon isn’t scared to scold him whenever he forgets something. Ridiculous, It isn’t even his fault the fridge ended up empty.

Realizing he still needs one of the vegetables, he turns around, walking back to the store he just came from with sighs and curses leaving his mouth. All he wants to do is go home and just get this done. There is nothing likable about eggplants anyway, when will he ever use them to cook?

Luckily for him, he won’t need to go back after all. Though, giving your life for not having to get an eggplant may seem a bit much. Not that he really has a choice in the unfair trade anyway.

Jungkook’s steps are fast, arriving at the grocery store as soon as possible is the only thing on his mind. It’s not until the clock strikes 9 pm exactly that he is forced to stop, an incredible heat closing in on his spot.

Someone somewhere screams. People everywhere start running in opposite directions, blindly clashing into each other. A few trip and fall, crawling to safety between the legs blocking their path. Others faint, their heads not being able to make sense of what’s happening.

Nobody minds them, forcefully stepping on the bodies of those on the ground. With the way people are moving it won’t be long before the entire street is empty. It’s complete chaos.

Jungkook, still standing where he stopped, looks up at the sky, searching for the cause of all this madness. He regrets it instantly, having probably been off better without knowing what was about to end him. Nothing could have ever prepared him for the sight.

About to set fire to everyone and everything, a massive blue fireball is raging his way. The bag he was holding falls to the ground, his eyes widening. It’s not hard to guess who the sender is. Luna is still after him.

It’s like time suddenly slows down substantially. The fireball is still so far away, yet also way too close. A memory of Namjoon chanting an extinguishing spell flashes through Jungkook’s mind, but is all too soon forgotten. Maybe if he had actually paid attention at that time he would be able to save himself now.

Frozen with fear, his feet refuse to move. He can’t do anything. Shivering all over, Jungkook crosses his arms in front of him as a way to shield himself. Maybe if he can’t see anything, it will cease to exist. And thus he closes his eyes as tightly as he can, waiting for the burning hot impact. He had long accepted his fate. It’s over for him.

[whatwouldyourbiasdo]

Finding Cinderella | Series | Chapter Four

Title: Finding Cinderella

Pairings: Donghae x reader,(Primary) Heechul x reader (Secondary), Kyuhyun x reader (Secondary)

Author’s Note: I have been planning this story for a while but have been battling many writers’ blocks in doing so. This story will mainly focus on Donghae and the reader but will have branching stories between Heechul, Kyuhyun and two secondary OC characters.

Sidenote: Yes, this series will include Kangin and Sungmin. This was originally started back when the two of them were still active members and in my heart they will always be members so I will include them wherever I see fit.

“Cheers!”

Both girls smiled as they clinked their shot glasses with a clear sound before pouring it down in one shot. After Eunmi finished work they met up by a little food and soju stall not far from her office there the two regularly met up if their planning allowed it for some much needed mindless fun.

“Ah… You have no idea how much I needed this!” Miya stretched her arms above her head with a soft groaning sound before reaching out for a piece of dukbokki. “I have been living on coffee and power bars for the last week!”

“That bad, huh?” Eunmi mused as she reached over for the bottle and poured in some more in both their glasses.

“Are you kidding?! I swear, they just decided to fit as much new stuff in the last week before exams and just expect you to catch up on time!” She slammed her fist onto the table as a growl escaped her lips, “It’s like they want us to fail!”

“Are you sure it’s not because you’ve been dozing off during lectures and now realize that the things they tried to teach you were actually kind of important?” The redhead snickered as she twirled the piece of dukbokki in front of her own face thoughtfully. Knowing her friend, especially from the brief time they spent together taking the same classes, her mind was usually everywhere except with the class.

“Yah!” The dark haired girl glared at her friend as she casually kicked her leg underneath the table. “You hush and be glad you don’t have to deal with that stress anymore!”

“Oh, like I’m living the lazy dream,” Eunmi scoffed, finally stuffing the piece of dukbokki in her mouth and chewing on it with a soft hum before continuing. “I have been on my feet running all over the place for the last couple of weeks trying to get stuff arranged for that party event.”

“At least at the end of it all you get to attend your own party!”

“You mean, I will get the honor of supervising the party,” A sigh escaped her lips as the realisation hit her hard. Sure, the party was meant for artists, celebrities, fans AND staff but since working for the company she couldn’t remember a single instance in which she was able to enjoy any event they organised. If she was even present, she was busy running around armed with a clipboard and her Bluetooth headset.

“Didn’t you say it was held on your day off, before?”

“Yes, but I think I’ll just not attend instead,” She pursed her lips thoughtfully, mindlessly poking a piece of food with her plastic fork. ”The moment they see me, they can’t help but ask me to do stuff.”

“So?” Miya’s brow shot up as her eyes focused on the piece of dukbokki her friend had been poking, reaching over with her own fork as she tried to push her friend’s away. “Just tell them no, it’s your day off and it’s your right to party hard with the idols!”

“And lose my job? No thanks!” She let out a soft laugh, quickly followed by a cringing whine as she sunk in her seat. “And I think it’s better if I don’t bump into any idols anymore… I make such a fool out of myself.”

“Hah!” Miya exclaimed proudly as she had succeeded in sticking her fork in the dukbokki and held it up in triumph, happily showing it into her mouth. “Anymore? Hold up, who did you bump and how did it feel?!”

“I don’t want to talk about it...”

“Ya~ah! As your best friend and wifey I have a right to know if I’m going to lose you to a famous hottie or not!” Miya protested as she once again stomped her hand onto the table, almost knocking over the glasses of soju in the process.

“Oh, now you’re my wifey again?” Eunmi stared at her skeptically, “But when I ask you to buy my coffee you suddenly don’t know I even exist!”

“Hey! I am a poor college kid, I barely have time to buy myself coffee, let alone buy yours too!”

“I was going to pay you back later that day!” Eunmi clicked her tongue. “And so you choose your own needs over your wifey? Aishhh, this is the person I married?”

“Yes, and until you tell me what guy I have to give you away to, you’re stuck with me!” She grinned proudly as she pointed her fork at Eunmi. “So, spill.”

Eunmi let out another groan as she recalled the moment in her head, the embarrassment rushing over her once again. “I… Ugh… I made a complete fool out of myself...”

“Yes, we’ve established that. What happened?”

“Well, I was asked to order some food for Super Junior by their manager as they were reviewing the entries for the invitation event...” Eunmi explained, so far in the story nothing weird had happened. “And when I came back for delivery, their manager slammed the door into me and I almost fell… come to think of it it might have been better if I did fall...”

“Yes, because falling on your butt with take out delivery scattered on the floor would be better than… what, exactly?”  Miya couldn’t quite follow how anything could be worse or more embarrassing than face planting in front of a group of world star idols, much less if food was involved.

“Instead I fell into… him...” She cringed as the moment replayed in her mind. Her skin tingling as she could once again feel his hands on her shoulders, the warmth of his chest supporting her tumble.

“Like… On top of him? Both asses down on the ground? Yours coincidentally but strategically placed on--”

“YAH!” Eunmi interrupted her friend loudly, which caused some of the other guests to stare their way, the redhead quickly sinking back into her seat. No, if the scenario her friend was implying had really happened she would have never been able to show her face anywhere ever again. She’d probably get fired, too. “Nothing like that, aish… I just… He caught me in my fall and then I just… zoned out.”

“Zoned out like zombie zoned out? Drool dripping down your chin zoned out?”

“Can you take this seriously, please?” Eunmi huffed, glaring at her friend across the table.

“Sorry, but you’re so vague… If you don’t fill in the blanks then I’m forced to let my imagination do so and well… The results may differ from reality.”

Finally, Miya shot up in her seat as Eunmi proceeded to punish her comment with a firm kick against the shin. With a pout curling her bottom lip, she rubbed the spot that got hit before reaching out for more food to ease the pain.

“It wasn’t even me bumping into him that was so embarrassing… It was…” She bit her lower lip as she thought back again. The way his eyes felt like they were staring straight into her soul, taking away all confidence and making her heart stop beating for the slightest of seconds. It was something she had never experienced before. A feeling she couldn’t quite place, like she wasn’t herself. “Aish… He must have thought I was such a nuisance to say the least… And how could I possibly have thought for even a second that he was complimenting me?! AISHHH!” She ran her hands through her hair in frustration as she started scolding herself for losing her composure.

“Please, like you’re the first person to get weak in the knees before him? He’s an idol, he’s used to it.” She laughed softly, shaking her head. “By the way, who is this he we’re speaking of here?”

“Yeah, but I work for the company. I’m the most reliable source they have, I can’t just get all uncomfortable just because some random guy stared at me...” She huffed, quickly downing her shot of soju as she needed something bitter to punish herself and get her mind out of the cloud of embarrassment and self-cringing she was in. “Lee Donghae is the he we are speaking of.”

“Oh! The fishboy!”

“He’s not a fish.”

“Isn’t that his nickname, though?” Miya frowned as she tried to recall what her friend had once rambled about. She wasn’t a big Super Junior fan herself, or at least not as big as Chanhee for example. She appreciated their musicality and found their appearances on stage or television rather amusing but she couldn’t exactly be placed in the ELF fandom just yet.

“I suppose...” Eunmi shrugged, a lot less interested in his nickname as she was in pouring herself another shot.

“And he complimented you?”

“Nah, he complimented the pizza and chicken...” Eunmi pursed her lips as she remembered how awkward she felt when he pointed that out himself. Of course he was talking about the food.

Miya stared at her friend before bursting out in laughter, so much so that she had to hold onto the table as to not fall off her chair. “Oh man!” She breathed in between laughter. “You got… food-zoned!”

“Yah! I did not get food-zoned!” she pouted as her friend kept laughing. “There is no such thing!”

“If there wasn’t then you guys just invented it!” She continued her laughing fit as Eunmi poured down her shot in frustration, a constant pout on her face. “What if he went back to his members and talked about you?” She wiped away the tears that rolled down her cheek from laughing as she leaned in, lowering her voice so slightly to resemble a man. “Ay, I just bumped into the weirdest chick ever. She stared at me all googly eyes and thought I complimented her on smelling nice when really… I was falling in love with chicken! How weird!” Another round of laughter rolled down her throat as leaned back, clutching her stomach as it was starting to hurt.

“Aishhh...” Eunmi felt even more miserable now that she mentioned it, sinking even lower in her seat If she were lucky, he had forgotten all about what happened or the way she looked at him back there. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

After finishing their food and the bottles of soju they ordered, the two friends parted ways.

Miya couldn’t help but stumble her way over to the nearest convenient store, drinking soju always made her hungry even if she drank it with a meal and she was in dire need of some delicious instant ramen. It also didn’t help that it was one of the few things she was still able to afford, being the poor college student that she was.

She had her hoodie pulled over her head to shield her from the cold, waddling slightly as the alcohol managed to throw her balance off just a tad. She wasn’t drunk, tipsy at best but the ability of walking in a straight line had long since disappeared.

Humming softly and with exaggerated steps, she turned the corner to enter the convenient store and found herself slamming into something, or rather someone. Her head collided with something hard, immediately snapping her out of her thoughts as she stumbled back and promptly landed on her butt, accompanied by the sound of cans dropping onto the cold hard floor.

“Aishh...” She muttered with her eyes pinched close as she tried to ignore the ringing in her ears after headbutting whatever it was she hit, rubbing the spot roughly as if to wipe the pain away. “Stupid lamp post”

“Yah, who are you calling a lamp post?!”

The rough voice hissing at her surprised her, as she finally opened her eyes. Her gaze was on the ground first, noticing the cans of beer, packed ramen and cat food scattered around on the floor as she then began to note the shadow cast down on the floor beside it. Following the shadow lead to a pair of black sneakers belonging to a black haired, averagely built young man. He wasn’t too big nor too small, he didn’t seem to be extremely muscular but he wasn’t scrawny either. His face was partially covered by his black mask but his dark glare shot daggers straight through her heart.

“Ah… I’m… Sorry...” She mumbled as she got up from the floor, collecting some of his groceries that had falling because of their collision.  

“Sorry?” He muttered back, his voice muffled behind his mask. “Aish… What is your head made off? Wood?” Rubbing his own head painfully, she could hear him groan ever so slightly.

“Yah... ” She began as she held out the groceries to him. “Your head is pretty hard too, I thought I bumped into a lamp post...”

“Do I look like a lamp post to you?” He hissed as he grabbed the groceries out of her hands in a hasty manner. He glared at her again before checking if everything he bought was still in order. “Watch where you’re going next time! Or don’t go on a stroll when you’re drunk!”

“Drunk? I’m not drunk! I am perfectly sober!” She protested, at first she felt sorry for bumping into him as she knew she was walking a bit too fast and reckless for it to feel like a simple nudge, but the way he was scolding her didn’t suit her at all. “You’re to blame too! Who walks out of a store without looking?!”

“Please, I could smell the soju from a mile away!” He replied with a soft scoff accompanying his words as Miya sneakily tried to smell her own breath to see if he was right. “Me? Who enters a store without politely waiting for all other people to exit?!”

“Aish!” She clicked her tongue as she averted her gaze, trying her best not to stomp his foot out of frustration. Typical guy behavior, always blaming it on someone else. “I hope my head left a bump!”

“This punk!” He growled. “Do you have any idea who you’re talking to?”

“Yeah,” She replied with full confidence. “A reckless brat, that’s who! Calling me drunk when you’re the one carrying beer! Aish!”

“At least I am old enough to drink!” He growled back. “You’re lucky I was in a good mood before this...” He seemed to be threatening her, the attitude with which he spoke didn’t help his case either.

Miya wanted to respond when another voice from across the street caught their attention.

“Hyung! Hurry! It’s cold!” Both pair of eyes gazed over to the person waving on the other side, he looked a tad smaller than the man she bumped into, the light too dim for her to get a good look at his face but his tone of voice sounded a lot friendlier than the stranger she was arguing with.

“You got lucky...punk!” He growled as he passed her, not helping himself as he nudged his shoulder against hers as he did.

Miya glared after him. “Yeah? Well…. L-lamp post!” She called after him, not being able to come up with a better insult at the moment. She hissed to herself as she turned around and stomped into the convenience store. “Aishh...”

“You look angry, Heechul hyung...” Donghae stared at the older male’s face as he casually draped his arm over his shoulders. “What happened? Did that girl reject you?”

“Please!” Heechul immediately bit back, still feeling irritated by his unfortunate encounter. “I wouldn’t give a person like her the time of day!”

“That bad, huh?” The younger male couldn’t help but chuckle as he lowered his arm, nudging him in the side. “Why did you give you that adorable nickname then? Lamp post hyung?”

“Aish, this punk… Are you asking to be punched?” He stopped, turning to glare at the younger male who couldn’t stop grinning as he dared to tease the almighty Heechul. Donghae was probably one of the only people who could nag and annoy him and get away with it, but that didn't mean he wouldn’t retaliate with some sort of  threat.

“You wouldn’t,” Donghae grinned proudly as he continued walking. “Lamp post hyung loves me too much!”

“Yah! Lee Donghae-yah!”

[hatsoffforkaede]

Saimatsu gift exchange

My gift is for @animercom so hopefully you like it!

I would have liked it to be a bit longer but with the hustle and bustle of Christmas I haven’t had much time for writing.

Also heads up I’m not the best at writing which is probably why I haven’t posted any fanfics on tumblr yet so don’t have too high expectations.

———————————————————————

As our once prison and temporary home collapsed we knew it was over. The killing game was finished and would never take another victim and for the first time in a what felt like forever I felt at peace. Kaede’s wish had been fulfilled and I oddly felt close to her.

After the killing game life continued which felt... wrong but I suppose that’s just how the world works, life goes on no matter what and before I knew it I was packed off to school again, only this time a regular college. As I walked through the gateway carrying my small suitcase filled with the few possessions I had as most had been lost in the wreckage of the killing game, I realised just how different the school was from the overgrown barren prison I had previously spent all my time. The campus was brimming with fresh faces and chirpy members of staff and older students touring newcomers and showing students to their accommodation. It was overwhelming and I was yet to see Maki or Himiko who were both supposed to be going here as well.

I walk over to a large table with a friendly looking woman standing behind it. She had long auburn hair tied into a ponytail with a white ribbon wearing a blue suit covered by a creamy white apron as well as a beaming smile.

“Um I-is this where we sign in and get our dorm keys?” God I need to get a grip and stop stuttering so much...

“Yes it is! Welcome, find your name on the form and sign it then I can give you your keys for your new home!” She replied in the most singsongy voice possible. Seriously it’s like this woman oozes joy.

“Sure... thanks” I reply trying my best to be polite and happy but failing miserably.

I look through the form listing all the names of the students joining this year and find my name and sign next to it. I hand back the form but just as I do a name stands out to me. A familiar name...

“W-wait!” I blurt out without thinking as the woman behind the desk hold the form in her grip. She looks at me confused.

“Eh? Is something wrong?” She asks tilting her head slightly still holding the form.

“O-oh um it’s nothing...” I must have been mistaken it would be impossible for there to be that name on the form...

She nods awkwardly and retrieves a key with a number on it and a map, I’m assuming of the campus. She hands them to me and I mumble a thank you and scurry away from the already uncomfortable situation.

I follow the map and eventually arrive at a block of dorms. I look at the number on the keys to see my dorm number...53...how ironic...

I walk into the building and climb up what felt like a never ending staircase and a quiet hallway, finally arriving at room 53. I put the key in the door and turn it, in acceptance it makes a click sound. I open the door only to be greeted by a loud scraping sound from behind, like someone pulling something heavy across the floor. I turn to see a grand piano being pushed from behind very slowly, clearly whoever was behind the piano was struggling to move it as a subtle panting could be heard.

Before I had time to process what was happening a voice from behind the piano called out.

“Um hey you! Could you lend me a hand? This piano is super heavy?” It was like a symphony was playing in my head. The voice was like the melody of a tune but no bands were playing, the voice was familiar and wrapped me in a cocoon of safety and tranquility.

I instantly recognised her, I mean how could I not, but she couldn’t be here, she can’t be here. My legs tremble as I walk over to the piano and lo and behold there she stood. Her blonde hair fell perfectly on her shoulders, her eyes still sparkled with ambition and optimism. Her cheeks tinged pink with life contrasting her Snow White skin.

No longer did she wear the uniform of an ultimate but instead a simple white long sleeved blouse and flowing pink pleated skirt that ended a few inches above her ankles.

My heart beat at what felt like a hundred miles per hour as all I could mutter was a breathless “Hi...”.

She stood up straight and dusted off her skirt smiling as she did. “Hi, thanks for stopping. You wouldn’t believe how many people I’ve passed that didn’t even bother to ask if I needed help!” ...she doesn’t recognise me..?

“Oh I forgot to introduce myself! I’m Kaede Akamatsu. I’m staying in dorm 58 so if you could it would be great if you could help me move this piano into my room.” ...This can’t be real.

I watched Kaede die right in front of me and now by some miracle she’s here at the exact same college as me and she only lives just down the hall from me. Not to mention the fact that she doesn’t recognise me at all.

“Um... this is the part where you introduce yourself...” Kaede mentions as she glances awkwardly to the side. I suddenly bounce back to reality, only now realising that I’ve probably been staring off into space for much longer than is considered appropriate.

“Oh ah sorry, my name is Shuichi Saihara...I guess we’re going to be neighbours...” I managed to stutter out.

Kaede smiled brightly just like she used to and nodded.

“So lets get to work!”

For the first time in forever me and Kaede worked together. It was a familiar and yet unfamiliar process. Kaede was the same and different at the same time, not a bad different thought just... different... I can’t really describe it.

We talked as we lugged the grand piano down the hall which turned into a much more time consuming task than I thought it would be. When she spoke she felt more... real.

Before she felt like a leader. Like the type of person everyone aspired to be but could never achieve. Now she felt like someone who could actually exist, a kind girl who had faults and goals that could be achieved by the average person. She was herself. The real Kaede Akamatsu not the artificial ‘protagonist’ archetype that Team Danganronpa created.

After I left her dorm once we had finished moving the piano it was 8pm, I went back to my own dorm only to realise I hadn’t started any of my unpacking, I groaned but managed to complete the task quickly, mostly due to the fact that I didn’t have many belongings in the first place.

Before I knew it I was so tired from the day I just collapsed on the bed and thought about the unbelievable scenario that had just occurred until my brain could no longer process and I fell into a deep sleep.

After that I found myself bumping into Kaede at every corner so it wasn’t long until we had grown even closer than we were in that horrible game. I tried to explain to her once or twice about how we had met before but it was to no avail but honestly as time went on I began to forget about the killing game and with the help of Kaede I began to truly move on with my life.

.

.

.

It has just turned winter and with Christmas coming up there was lots of work to do in the few weeks off we had to celebrate the festivities. I looked out the frosted windows of my dorm out into the cold streets, it’s not exactly the perfect day for getting Christmas presents but it’ll have to do.

I prepared a quick breakfast which merely consisted of cereal because despite living by myself for quite a while cooking was yet to be a skill of mine. Then I put on my coat, scarf and hat to try to stop me from freezing out in the cold morning air. I stepped out into the hallway and locked my door only to hear someone calling my name.

“Shuichi, good morning!” Kaede giggled as she ran up to me.

I smiled and replied “Morning Kaede, I was just going out to do some Christmas shopping.”

“Sounds fun! Mind if I join you? I was planning on baking some gingerbread to get in the festive spirit but I ran out of ingredients so I need to pop to the shops anyway” Kaede said adjusting her woolly hat. I’d never tell her but today in her winter coat she looked cuter than usual, not that she doesn’t always look cute but today I found myself blushing more than usual and it wasn’t because of the cold...

We walk out of the block of dorms and onto the campus. Kaede’s oddly quiet. She gazes off at the sun just peaking over the buildings breathing in the cold air.

“It’s a bit chilly today...” She says still avoiding eye contact.

“Chilly? It’s freezing Kaede!” I joke whilst staring at her features trying to figure out the reason for her sudden change in attitude.

Before I can interrogate her further her hand intertwines with mine.

“I forgot my gloves.” Kaede admits blushing looking me in the eyes rather intensely.

I chuckle and pull a pair of gloves that had been very blatantly stuffed into her pocket.

“You mean these gloves?”

Kaede puffs out her cheeks and does her classic puffy face.

“Hey that’s not fair! I was trying to be all smooth and romantic!”

I blush deeper and let out a small giggle as Kaede squeezes my hand a bit tighter as we continue to walk.

“Is it true?... y’know the stuff about the killing game that you mentioned before”

I looked to the floor thinking about Kaede’s question for a while and nod. Kaede thinks for a second humming as she thought.

“I know I don’t remember it but I believe you and I’m sorry I left you for so long, I promise I’ll make it up to you.” Kaede smiled brightly at me and I knew she was being genuine.

“Thanks it means a lot but it not fault you well uh... y’know... in the game.” I replied.

Kaede giggled quietly “I know but to make up for it I’m going to stick by your side for as long as you’ll let me!”

I was slightly taken aback. “What do you mean?”

Kaede grabs my hat and runs ahead out of the school gates laughing as she ran. “You’ll see! Now come catch me, we’ve got Christmas shopping to do!”

I smiled in content and sighed. As I ran after her I realised that it didn’t matter if she remembered the killing game or not because she was here with me and that’s where we both belonged and we’d both stay for as long as time allowed us.

[lilcutieana]

SAFE HAVEN 5 ( Hybrid Baby Bangtan/ ot7 )

Words: 4.3K Genre: Hybrid! BTS AU Rating: PG-13 Summary: Birthdays and Celebrations. The september babies deserve the world <3

Safe Haven ~ || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || Seven

═══════ ⋆★⋆ ════════

I’d spent most of life in silence. Neither pleasant nor comfortable. I used to be pretty sure they never existed until a few months back when I decided to adopt the seven hybrid kids who’d changed my life for the better. I used to think the world was a dark place and I just had to survive somehow until the inevitable happened— my death. Yes, I used to be pretty morbid and cynical. Sue me.

But now? I tried my best not to be. Because I knew how tiring it was to be and how it affected my life negatively. I’d lost contact with my parents, and honestly? I didn’t bother contacting them. Were they worth it? Yes. They were. But I wasn’t. Not until I got my shit together—somewhat.

Silence used to choke me up at night, or day, or during storms—when the silence became too loud to bear. It terrified me, but also comforted me at times. I liked being alone, I liked to not be bothered with. It gave me a sense of freedom.

But now? With a house full of kids?

Silence meant something was horribly suspicious or horribly wrong. The house was always lively, someone or the other talking, playing, reading or just even the sound of their tails whipping against something. But complete silence? Meant they had got into some kind of trouble.

Closing my eyes, I counted to ten, trying not to react in a bad way if something did happen. I’d had enough to deal with all day, anyway. From getting the felines vaccinated to dealing with a whole new wardrobe for Jungkook—the boy was growing too fast out of his own clothes—which was a good thing, but not so good for my bank balance and then I had to face the music when the legal agents called explaining how—I, wasn’t an appropriate guardian—me.

So what?

I was trying my best to be here. Sure, the kids couldn’t have the appropriate environment to live—the ideal utopia—but was it ever possible except maybe in theories? Every household has problems, and, I was quite sure—the alternative wouldn’t be as fun for them either.

Wish I could say all that to their face when they called, but unfortunately, all I could do was mutter—I’m sorry, I’ll try to do better—and hung up. And right now—I was seething inside, trying not to throw things against the wall.

I was hurt.

How could someone just assume my home isn’t a place to have kids when I try my best to stay with them, accommodate to their needs and teach them how to stay together and solve things together instead of making differences and learning prejudices? They chose me. I never forced them. Then why?

I was confused.

And I didn’t like feeling this way. The way my throat clogged up every time I tried to find ways to explain how I was the best choice. But was I really? To seven children? I didn’t even earn enough. School, college, medicine, grooming—raising one child takes a toll on people, and I had taken up seven. All on my own—without any help.

I wasn’t regretting anything. I knew we could make everything work out. But, wouldn’t that be unfair to them? The more I thought about it—the more rational they sounded. And I hated it. I hated feeling this way.

I was startled out of my cleaning spree when a pair of arms wrapped around my shoulders as I was sitting on the floor. Everything I’d been trying to hold back, rushed in all at once. The anger, the hurt, the frustration, and the helplessness. Choking back a sob, I turned around and held onto his shirt and he held me tighter.

I could tell just from his height and scent, he was Jin. The eldest and the most sensitive of all. He must have sensed my distress and came to check up on me. I failed even in trying not to show that I was weak and incapable. I truly am not worth enough.

Clutching on tighter to him, I tried so hard not to cry out loud, but the tears just wouldn’t stop flowing. I let my tears be soaked onto his shirt, and -- bless his soul, he never once complained-- all the while holding onto me and patting my back –albeit awkwardly.

“Y/N, we love you. You know that right?” He whispered by my ear and I laughed out loud. Never had I imagined him to say those words first thing while trying to comfort me.

Not his usual— ‘don’t cry’, ‘don’t be sad’. No.

Instead, he chose to tell me he loved me. Remind me again why we were together.

And of course, not because it was the one thing I needed to hear, no. I was right to assume something must have happened, and this was his way to apologize. I wonder how he became the scapegoat this time. Not much to wonder, he was bad at the rock, paper, scissors. The young ones knew just how to get their eldest to lose.

And yet, while I knew why he said that, my heart did a little dance inside. That’s right. Why was doubting myself in the first place? We loved each other. We cared for each other. We’d rather be miserable together than to prosper alone.

Wiping my eyes, I sniffed. “I love you too. So much.” Kissing his crown, I smiled when he cringed and scrunched up his nose. His tail spiked and ears pulled back. He never liked being treated like a kid. Though, along with Jimin, he most certainly loved being praised.

“Um… you see.” He started, scratching his neck, “We found your albums, and Jimin now wants one for all of us. To make new memories.”

“That’s a good idea! We have been taking so many pictures, I’ll print them out soon.” I smiled back at him. It really was a good idea to have some printed. Maybe I’ll decorate the living room with a huge poster of all of us together too.

“That’s not everything.” Jin frowned, biting his lips and swaying on the balls of his feet. “We tried looking for more albums, and Hobi found our medical reports.”

“Oh? What about them?” I asked tentatively. This wasn’t going to be good, was it? He screwed his eyes shut and opened them again, this time with a smile.

“All of them said--we were growing healthy. Thank you.” Heaving a sigh, I picked up the duster from the floor and got up on my feet again. Wobbling a bit, I held onto his shoulders to stand straight, my legs dead from sitting on them too long.

“Just that?” I asked then, suspicious. He wouldn’t have looked so nervous earlier just to mention a good news. Shaking his head, shoulders slumped in defeat, he looked back up at me with doe eyes.

“Jungkook and Namjoon’s birthdays are close. We were hoping to do something special. But you’re sad and angry and I don’t want you to feel bad for forgetting.”

Oh. It had really slipped my mind.

“Actually, you’re amazing, Jin!” I ruffled his hair and he averted his eyes, his human ears flushing a bright pink. “It’s Jungkook’s birthday tomorrow and Namjoon’s should be two weeks later.” Musing aloud, I leaned against the couch. “Do they know?”

Jin nodded, biting his lips. “Do I get a cake then? A strawberry one?” Jungkook whisper shouted from the door and immediately got shushed by the others. Jin sighed with his eyes closed, slapping his forehead.

“I forgot they followed me,” He looked up at me, his eyes wide-set and watery.

Oh.

They all saw me break down a few minutes before. I just hope they didn’t think they were the reason behind it. It was just me being weak. “It’s okay. We don’t keep secrets.”

“Yes, Jungkook!” I spoke a little louder, looking at their shadows hunched behind the door, “We will bake cakes and go for camping.”

And the silence was gone.

The whole house erupted in loud cheers, lively and happy once again. My heart was at ease, for now.

“Noona! Guess what?” Yoongi came bounding towards me, his ears perked up and eyes glowing. He must have found something really cute. Being very observant and quiet, he almost never spoke louder than any of us, and for him to scream like this, only meant two things— either he found something cute or something he wants to do.

“You found a cute squirrel by the window?” I asked, with both my hands balled under my chin, while I sat beside Jin. The other boys following close behind.

Shaking his head, he walked towards me and I looked at him confused. Usually, he never cuddled me unless it was bedtime. Guess it was too exciting to share from far away. Holding your wrists in his tiny hands, he gently removes them from under my chin and places them beside my lap, his very next target being my knees as they’re pulled apart making space for him on my lap.

Plopping down, he gets up again as he sat on his tail and maneuvers it around me, wrapping it halfway around my waist, he hums in approval. Leaning back, he smiles at me mischievously—two of his lower canines missing—he is the epitome of adorable. But I won’t admit to that—because then it will become a competition.

“I was napping before they woke me.” Glaring at Hoseok, he turned back to me, again with a bright smile. Weird. Yoongi loved his sleep. If any of them woke him—he shouldn’t be happy. Instead—he’d be grumpy and pouty.

“You want to sleep some more?” I asked tentatively, hoping it doesn’t offend him.

“No, Y/N. I had a beautiful dream! I was a rapper, you know?” He asked, shaking my forearm.

“Really? Was I there?”

“Yes! And everyone was there! Jin hyung sang so beautifully too. We all sang and danced and performed in this…” Opening his hands as far as they could reach, he looked at everyone in the eye, “Huge stadium, the crowds were screaming our names and dancing, and noona was on stage too. Cheering us from behind. And it was so… beautiful.” He finished, his eyes on the ceiling as if he was still reeling from the performance and the crowd.

I would be too. If I had a dream like that. Where I’m doing what I love. He liked singing, he liked the piano, and he also liked rapping along to artists on TV. I didn’t know he dreamt of performing live. If that was what he wanted… then that was what I’ll try to make happen.

“Really? What did I do?” Namjoon asked intrigued. “I’m good at memorizing. Must be related.”

“I think you were our team leader. You rapped so well…” Yoongi’s ears perked over his head just thinking about it. I was proud of them, all of them. Even if they didn’t know what they wanted to be—they weren’t afraid to try out new things.

“Me? Rap?” Namjoon asked confused, his head tilted sideways. “I do write poems though…” Just as he spoke aloud, his eyes widened and his ears went flat on top of his head. Immediately he covered his lips with both hands and looked at everyone looking back at him equally shocked. Well, he was always reading and writing things. It was fairly possible for him to actually write some creative things.

“That’s wonderful! Let me know if you need me to help with something.” I told him confidently, scratching along Yoongi’s ears. They were just so soft, and silky.

“So…. Anything else you remember from the dream?” I asked Yoongi, only to see him sound asleep once again on my lap—purring softly. Smiling to myself, I leaned back a bit, my back supported by the living room couch, making it more comfortable for him to sleep, resting his head on my chest. I had noticed, the boys liked to either listen to my heartbeat or sniff around my neck and wrists. It made them feel secure and happy. And, who was I to stop them, it made me double as happy knowing I was a source of comfort for them.

“About the birthdays— “I started, looking at everyone.” Come closer, I don’t want to speak too loud.” Patting the space beside me, I waited for them to form a circle around me. 

“Did you have any plans besides the cake?” I whispered, knowing all too well they could hear me loud and clear. Yoongi’s ears twitched under my chin and I immediately pulled my face away from him.

“Games!” Jungkook and Taehyung said at the same time, “Jinx!” Taehyung said next, making Jungkook scrunch his nose in confusion as the tiger pinched his shoulder right after.

“Racing games” Hoseok whisper-shouted, his eyes large and excited. “I saw people play outside this shop. It goes vroom, vroom…” He started making engine noises with his lips and I busted out laughing. He was just too adorable.

Yoongi jumped in my arms groaning. “What happened, again?” His voice somehow sounded deeper, and scratchy, his pupils blown wide and eyes swollen.

“I’m sorry, Seokie, TaeTae, Gukkie want to go to the arcade. Go sleep, I’ll wake you later for dinner, okay?” Nodding, he stood up, rubbing his left eye with his tiny fist. Bending down, he kissed my nose and with a little smile on his lips, walked to the stairs—leaving us all shocked.

“Well, seems hyung is growing up.” Jin mused from beside me, and I glared right back at him.

“He’s just happy today.” Biting my lips, I looked back at Jungkook, “Probably.”

“I want to go arcade too!” Jimin exclaimed, looking at Namjoon for confirmation.

“Sure” Both Joon and Jin replied, chuckling.

“What about you, Joonie? Your birthday is on Wednesday.” I asked, mentally counting the days. It was….right?

“I don’t like sour things or seafood.” He scrunched his nose up, his tail thumping behind him like a drum. “I want to go back to the woods. Roam around, feel the fresh air—I miss living in nature.” He lamented looking at his fingers on his lap.

He then realized where he was speaking, and looked up suddenly, his mouth half open, tail completely still, “I don’t mean we…”

“It’s okay Joonie, I need you all, to be honest with me, and each-other” I cut him off, smiling warmly and he nodded, his tail regaining its regular thumping—just faster. “So, how do you all feel about camping out in the woods? There should be a meteor shower around then too.” 

“Oh my God!” Namjoon exclaimed and stood up, holding onto his head with his jaw unhinged and eyes bulging out. “Really? Can we? Is it okay?”

As I nodded back, he screamed and ran towards me, tackling me onto the ground. “Y/N I don’t…” chocking up, he buried his face into my neck, breathing in and sniffled. “How can I ever repay you?”

Brushing his hair, I patted his head as he kept clinging onto me. “It’s okay, as long as you’re all happy, you’ve repaid me a thousand times over than what I can ever do for you.”

“Metor showah?” Jungkook asked right after, making everyone laugh at his innocence,“Do we wash the car?” making everyone laugh at his innocence. 

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

Standing right outside the mart, hands full of bags of different sizes and shapes, I stared at the list we all compiled in a hurry. A total hundred and fifty items—that wasn’t the goal, but it just turned out that way.

Jungkook had wanted to invite his tutor and so did Namjoon. Somehow, they’d bonded over the summer and with school starting soon—they’d wanted to spend their first birthday with the people the really admired. Along with a few kids they’d made friends with while living by themselves.

I’d invited a few of them—hoping they’d all get along in the little birthday party I’d set up.

“Noona, we forgot candles!” The tiger screeches, mentally counting important things. And, I realized, indeed—we had forgotten the little candles. All eleven of them—four for Jungkook and seven for Namjoon. How could I forget the most basic of things?

“Wait here. All of you. I’ll go get them real quick” Dropping the bags on the ground, I picked my handbag out of the mess and sprinted across the parking lot back into the mart entrance.

All packed, and buckled, I started driving back home. “Boys, do you think we forgot something?” I asked again—there was this nagging feeling in my heart that something was missing. Well, we can do without a few things in life. Not everything had to be perfect. Some things—were better heartfelt.

“Nope!” Yoongi exclaimed from the back, counting the white cars on the road.

“Aren’t we getting them presents?” Jin asked, his head resting on his palm supported at the window. And there it was—the thing I’d overlooked.

“We’d win them at the arcade tomorrow. How about it?” I asked, without looking back at them. Even though the traffic was the bare minimum, I didn’t want to take the risk.

“Sure. I’m good at winning.” Hoseok declared, his voice sounding proud and happy.

“About the cake. I think we have a lot of cake mix. Should we make more than one—since we have guests now too.”

“Yeah!” They all chorused together in perfect sync. When it came to food and games—the boys always had full energy. But when it came to cleaning—they looked at everyone else for help.

“Okay. How about I bake seven cupcakes and a big cake. And decorate the cake for cutting it in the evening and we all decorate a cupcake each? That could also be our little present to the boys. And handmade greeting cards?” I asked, the ideas streaming into my mind one after another.

I did buy them plenty of art supplies last month—surely they could make as much. Of course, I’d help in the process too. Not to mention it would keep them busy as I decorated the house.

I’d also reconciled with Somin last week, and she was invited. She did want to help the boys—her intentions were good – just her approach wasn’t. I knew that, and yet, seeing the boys—I just couldn’t help my protective instinct and immediately took offense.

But I was really happy that she accepted my apology and now even though we weren’t the best of friends—we somehow were working towards building our bond back up again. And that was okay. As long as we both tried our best.

As long as she respected my family—the boys—who were the most precious to me.

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

Waking up at four in the morning, wasn’t a good feeling. At all. I felt groggy and wanted to just go back to sleep and cuddle and the boys. Instead, I gave up the magnetic pull and made it to the shower, another pair of feet following me.

Whoever it was, needed to wait to pee—cause I needed to wake up and fast. The day was going to be a busy one. First off—breakfast in bed, a trip to the arcade, stopping by at their favorite coffee shop and coming back home to prepare for the party in the evening.

Oh…and bills. So many bills. It was the first of the month—and I liked them paid early—before I forgot and things got taken away. It did happen once before and surviving without water and electricity wasn’t a good experience. I swore I’d never go through it, ever again.

As I got out of the shower half an hour later—with just the robe and a towel wrapped around my head like a sheep, I looked around the hallway suspiciously.

I was pretty sure someone followed behind me. Then why did nobody knock?

The cakes….

We baked cakes and cupcakes last night and I didn’t allow them to taste the frosting or sprinkles one bit. A sugar high was not something I was looking forward to right before bed. It made the boys too energetic and a giggly mess.

Tiptoeing to the kitchen, I saw the lights on and internally rolled my eyes. If it was anyone other than Jungkook, they were really in for a major punishment.

“Oh! Noona.” Taehyung exclaimed loudly from the entrance, where he was keeping an eye on. “You showered so late—we got hungry and came here.”

“Who are you hiding?” I asked glaring at his sheepish figure, blushing a bright pink and chubby cheeks smiling bashfully. His eyes bulged out, tail swishing behind him slowly as he tried escaping from the situation.

“Oh! We weren’t hiding, Noona.” Jimin came from behind, a clear patch of icing on his left cheek and plump lips red with strawberry juice, holding onto Jungkook’s hand who was busy licking his fingers clean from frosting and rainbow sprinkles.

Sighing, I gave up on their punishment. They were just too cute together. I’ll just have them do more chores instead.

“Fine, fine. I’ll take your word for it.” I nodded, with my arms crossed over my chest. “Come to help me make breakfast then.”

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

“Seokie, bring two more sprite bottles for the lemonade here, please.” I called out to Hoseok as I stirred the half empty lemonade bowl.

“Right away, Y/N” He called out and ran, zig-zagging between his other friends he knew from before.

“Quick! Take it… it’s cold” Jin whisper shouted right behind me, making me drop the ladle onto the bowl in surprise. Turning around, I took the ice trays from his hands and watched amused as he shook them to warm them up. Dropping the ice into the bowl, I set aside the trays.

“Here,” Holding onto his palms, I brought them to my cheeks, effectively waking myself up and warming his hands at the same time. Wow… it felt so good.

Giggling, he leaned down and pecked my eye lids, smiling down on me. “You’re looking so pretty today, Y/N”

“Thank you.” Letting go of his hands, I brushed my fringe back and looked around the room at Jungkook and Jimin who were chasing each other wearing their party hats.

“They’re all so happy.” Jin whispered, looking at the kids fondly.

“They really are, and so am I.” Getting up, I looked back at him. “Don’t drink too much, you’ll have to pee frequently then.”

Laughing out loud, he pointed at Taehyung who was already skipping near the closed bathroom door, clutching at his groin. Poor boy.

Shrugging, I went to the kitchen to bring out the cakes. It was time. Everyone was here, playing games, having the time of their lives—but the boys were tired. And they needed to sleep early as school would start for Yoongi, Jin, Hoseok and Namjoon. The rest would start next year.

The morning was absolutely chaotic. We were being so loud and competitive—won so many things at the arcade, that we were finally kicked out. Though, admittedly, I don’t regret it one bit. It was so much fun. Then I got us nerf guns and chased the boys all around the park until the Sun was high up in the sky.

While hiding, Yoongi made friends with some stray cats and Jungkook was mesmerized by the many butterflies that hovered over the flowers.

Namjoon was curious about bubbles and I got us those huge hoops and a tub. We spent most of the afternoon making huge bubbles and popping them. It was a fun day.

Taehyung and Jimin took so many photos—that I’d lost count by now. They’d always sneak in pictures of me while taking pictures of the boys or their surroundings. I’d have to get them all printed and set neatly in an album. Jungkook’s Fourth Birthday.

And now, here we were—a full day eating and playing outside later. All exhausted, yet happiest we’ve ever been. Decorating the whole house and entertaining the guests.

“Let me help you carry the large cake.” Namjoon came in, looking all cute and handsome with the black and red jacket over white shirt and black jeans, hair slicked back and dimples out.

“Sure. Thanks, Joonie.” Holding onto one side and him supporting the other, we walked back sideways to the living room. Everyone was so quiet with the lights dimmed as they waited for the carrot cake in the shape of a heart. Don’t ask. It was Jungkook’s request last evening.

“Seokie, bring two more sprite bottles for the lemonade here, please.” I called out to Hoseok as I stirred the half empty lemonade bowl.

“Right away, Y/N” He called out and ran, zig-zagging between his other friends he knew from before.

“Quick! Take it… it’s cold” Jin whisper shouted right behind me, making me drop the ladle onto the bowl in surprise. Turning around, I took the ice trays from his hands and watched amused as he shook them to warm them up. Dropping the ice into the bowl, I set aside the trays.

“Here,” Holding onto his palms, I brought them to my cheeks, effectively waking myself up and warming his hands at the same time. Wow… it felt so good.

Giggling, he leaned down and pecked my eye lids, smiling down on me. “You’re looking so pretty today, Y/N”

“Thank you.” Letting go of his hands, I brushed my fringe back and looked around the room at Jungkook and Jimin who were chasing each other wearing their party hats.

“They’re all so happy.” Jin whispered, looking at the kids fondly.

“They really are, and so am I.” Getting up, I looked back at him. “Don’t drink too much, you’ll have to pee frequently then.”

Laughing out loud, he pointed at Taehyung who was already skipping near the closed bathroom door, clutching at his groin. Poor boy.

Shrugging, I went to the kitchen to bring out the cakes. It was time. Everyone was here, playing games, having the time of their lives—but the boys were tired. And they needed to sleep early as school would start for Yoongi, Jin, Hoseok and Namjoon. The rest would start next year.

The morning was absolutely chaotic. We were being so loud and competitive—won so many things at the arcade, which we were finally kicked out from. Though, admittedly, I don’t regret it one bit. It was so much fun. Then I got us nerf guns and chased the boys all around the park until the Sun was high up in the sky.

While hiding, Yoongi made friends with some stray cats and Jungkook was mesmerized by the many butterflies that hovered over the flowers.

Namjoon was curious about bubbles and I got us those huge hoops and a tub. We spent most of the afternoon making huge bubbles and popping them. It was a fun day.

Taehyung and Jimin took so many photos—that I’d lost count by now. They’d always sneak in pictures of me while taking pictures of the boys or their surroundings. I’d have to get them all printed and set neatly in an album. Jungkook’s Fourth Birthday.

And now, here we were—a full day eating and playing outside later. All exhausted, yet happiest we’ve ever been. Decorating the whole house and entertaining the guests.

“Let me help you carry the large cake.” Namjoon came in, looking all cute and handsome with the black and red jacket over white shirt and black jeans, hair slicked back and dimples out.

“Sure. Thanks, Joonie.” Holding onto one side and him supporting the other, we walked back sideways to the living room. Everyone was so quiet with the lights dimmed as they waited for the carrot cake in the shape of a heart. Don’t ask. It was Jungkook’s request last evening.

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday dear Jungkook,

Happy birthday to you !!

I almost cried when I saw him tear up, overwhelmed from all the attention and hide his face away by dragging his bunny ears over his eyes. Rushing forward, I prompted him to blow the candles.

“Make a wish! Make a wish!” Taehyung prompted from beside him, his hands opening and closing as he restrained himself from doing that instead.

Closing his eyes, Jungkook mumbled something and blew the candles all in one go. Well, there were only four of them—and smiled so big. I was so proud of him. Handing him the plastic knife, I watched as he made a thin slice and as I hoped—for him to feed Jin—as he was his favorite hyung. Instead, he ate the slice himself, making everyone chuckle. Well, it was expected, he loved the taste of it too much to share.

“Happy birthday Jungkook-ah” I ruffled his hair as he licked his lips, not missing even one drop of the strawberry icing we made together last night.

“Mmph”

Safe Haven ~ || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || Seven

 Tagged ~

@dreadity  @im-emo-motherfuckers @xanny91 @oyasumi7@blackmaylovesfries   @catkiecookie @noonaofkookie  @thenyousaidhello  @silveroccamy  @stargazingmoonchild  @where-karina-gets-lost

[freakandgeekuniverse]

Kims

September 1, 1989, first day back in hell…nope, not hell, just high school. Dear Diary, why is it that when I look at these kids I’ve known since kindergarten I can only see the assholes and bitches they grew into instead of the friends we all were?

Why are the weak to suffer through humiliation by the strong when in reality it is the strong ones who are weak?

Who allowed this to happen to us? Who allowed jackasses such as Hoseok Jung and Jeongguk Jeon to reign as lords of the school?

You guessed it…the Kims. They are the rulers of this school as if it were their own kingdom. They decide who’s hot and who’s not. Taehyung Kim, as leader of the pep squad, he’s known for his boxy smile despite his shady personality. Namjoon Kim, his façade of being the studious nerd has granted him an all-access pass to the secrets of Westerburg High. And above all, the one and only, Seokjin Kim, he is the mightiest dick. Like Kevlar, they are bulletproof to the bullshit.

God, I would kill to be one of them.

Anyway, I have to go to school now, so we’ll talk more after I’ve suffered another horrifying day at Westerburg.

                                               Sincerely yours,

                                                      Jimin Park

“Jimin, you’re gonna miss the bus,” Jimin’s mother called up the stairs to his room.

“Coming, Mother,” he sighed as he made his way down the steps. Clad in his usual oversized sweater with distressed jeans, he grabbed his overstuffed backpack and left the house. On his walk to the bus stop, he was tackled into a bear hug by his best friend since diapers, Taemin Lee.

“Hey, Mini Min. Ready for another year of torture at the hands of the Kims,” he asked.

“Who’s ever ready for them,” Jimin scoffed. “They shit on whoever they want with no regard to the people they demolish. Remember when they absolutely tore into that substitute creature last year?”

“That was brutal, but hey, at least we all agreed it was necessary. We don’t call him the Substitute Creature for nothing,” Taemin snickered just as the bus reached them.

As they entered the Carriage to Hell, slurs and insults were immediately thrown their way. Having been through this gauntlet three years already, most of the insults rolled right off like oil in a gulf. “One more year of this and it’s off to college for us,” Taemin remarked as they sat down.

“That’s if I don’t off myself before graduation.”

“Well, maybe the new kid we’re supposed to be getting will help curb your suicidal urges.”

***

Standing at the front gate, the two best friends stood side by side as students hurried to greet their friends after three long, depressing months of isolation. “Do you ever just wanna strike a match and watch it go up,” Jimin questioned as they walked up the front steps.

“Can’t say that I have, my little homicidal maniac,” Taemin denied, ruffling Jimin’s raven hair.

“I’m not that short,” Jimin rebuffed.

“Whatever you say,” Taemin chuckled before getting shoved by Varsity quarterback, Hoseok Jung.

“Watch it, Twink,” the jock hissed as if Taemin was truly the bane of his miserable existence.

“Ah, Hoseok Jung, how’s your third year of being a huge dick,” Jimin shouted after the hurried jock. Hoseok stopped to face the shorter with a scowl on his face.

“What’d you say about me, whore?”

Just as Jimin was about to tell the jerk off, Taemin stepped in to protect his friend. “Nothing. He said nothing, Hoseok.”

“That’s what I thought, nerd,” Hoseok sniffed before going inside the building.

Jimin was fuming as he smacked Taemin’s hand away from his mouth. “How could you just let them get away with this kind of stuff?”

“I remind myself that if I suffer now, I can only be happier later in life. The best revenge after all is to live your best life despite what they might say.”

“Ugh, you’re such a sap.”

“Who cares, we’re seniors now. We’ve survived this long, we can make it one last year.”

Jimin conceded with a roll of his eyes and a fond smile on his lips. They continued into the building, practically numb to the insults being thrown their way. Before either could speak again, Hoseok’s asshole best friend, Jeongguk, decided to plow through the two of them, causing Taemin to drop the books too big for his backpack.

“Hey,” Jimin called after the jock. “Pick that up right now.”

“Are you talking to me,” Jeongguk growled out.

“Yeah, I’m talking to you. What gives you the right to just push us like that? You’re a high school has-been waiting to happen. A future gas station attendant,” Jimin ranted.

Jeongguk hesitated for a moment before speaking, “…You have a zit, right there.”

Jimin took a moment to compose himself once more before he exploded on the other. “This is complete bullshit. I mean, why do they get to act all high and mighty when they’re dumber than a box of hair? Who says that we’re the bottom and they’re the top,” at Taemin’s slightly affronted expression, Jimin backtracked. “Sorry, poor choice of words.”

“No, I get it, but it could be worst. They could be the Kims.”

“Oh, please, I’d rather the Kims than Dumb and Dumber.”

The warning bell rang, cutting their conversation short. “I will see you tonight,” Taemin bade his farewell, walking in the direction of his homeroom. Jimin continued down the hallway, stopping when he heard the telltale signs of vomiting coming from the bathroom just ahead.

“Ugh, grow up, Joon. Bulimia is so ’87,” the unmistakable voice of Seokjin Kim sighed from the crack in the door.

“Maybe you should see a doctor, Joon,” Taehyung Kim soothed as he rubbed his best friend’s back.

“Yeah, Tae, maybe I should,” Namjoon Kim rasped, throat raw from the expulsion of stomach acid.

“Well,” a voice drawled out from the door to the boys’ bathroom, prompting Jimin to hide around the corner. “If it isn’t Jin and Tae,” the teacher was cut off by Namjoon hurling once more into the toilet, “and Joon. I don’t know if you heard over all the vomiting, but the bell’s already rung. You’re late.”

“Mr. Choi, Joon wasn’t feeling well. We were just helping him,” Jin explained in a saccharine tone.

“Not without a hall pass you’re not,” Mr. Choi smirked. And there it was, the blissful opening that Jimin had waited for since sixth grade. His chance to get into the most popular clique in Westerburg. Quickly, he scribbled up a forged pass to give to the teacher.

“Uh, actually, Mr. Choi, we’re all out on a hall pass. Yearbook,” Jimin lied clean through his teeth. Choi snatched the note out of the smaller’s hand, looking it over.

“Mm,” he hummed, “You’re all listed. Hurry up and get to where you need to go.” Mr. Choi all but shoved the forgery into Jimin’s chest, brushing past and leaving the quartet to themselves.

Snatching the note from the smaller’s hand, Jin took a closer look. “This is an amazing forgery. Who are you?”

Jimin opened his mouth to respond, but Namjoon beat him too it, “Jimin Park, not really well known, has one friend, doesn’t really do much in terms of extracurriculars. A nobody.”

“Uh, yeah, what he said. Basically, I crave a boon,” Jimin began fiddling with his fingers, a nervous tic of his. He was truly starting to regret this.

“What boon,” Jin clipped.

“Could you please let me sit at your table at lunch? Just once, please. You don’t even have to talk to me. It’s just, if people think you guys like me, hell, just tolerate me, they’ll leave me alone and by extension, Taemin,” after Jimin’s long explanation, Jin smirked deviously. “Oh, also, before you answer, I happen to also do report cards, permission slips, and absence notes…equivalent exchange,” Jimin chuckled softly at the end, hoping the Kims would agree to his terms.

“How good are you at prescription notes,” Taehyung asked, hand still rubbing the back of Namjoon.

“Shut up, Tae,” Jin commanded.

“Sorry, Jin.”

Jin gripped onto Jimin’s chin tightly as he examined the other’s face. Finding nothing obtrusive or immediate, he let the smaller go. “I mean, if you’re going to sit with us, you’ll have to look the part. It’s a good thing a greasy nobody like you has such a good bone structure.” Jimin’s eyes widened at the implications. He was actually going to do the impossible.

“And an almost symmetrical face,” Taehyung piped in. “If it weren’t for that tooth, I could take a meat cleaver straight down your skull and have matching halves. At least the crooked tooth gives you character.”

“Plus, you are slightly chubby, but I guess we can work with it,” Namjoon inputted. Ok, so maybe Jimin had a slight pudge, but it’s not his fault he’s attached to it. It hasn’t bothered him before, but he knew it was going to come up eventually.

“Hey, you know what,” Jin questioned his friends. “This could be the start of something beautiful. Add a bit of mascara, maybe a bit of blush on those cherub cheeks. Tae give me your lip gloss; Joon, let me see your pomade. Let’s make him hot.”

“Let’s make him gorgeous,” Tae squealed in excitement.

“Let’s make him beautiful,” Joon tagged on.

“Do you agree to our terms,” Jin asked. Jimin nodded so fast, he was pretty sure he got whiplash.

The following lunch, the Kims walked into the cafeteria in their usual triangle formation, not to showcase their power but to hide their newest addition.

“Hey, who’s that with Tae,” Hoseok asked Jungkook as they watched the quartet move through the cafeteria. “Looks like a fresh piece of ass.”

“I don’t know. Think it might be a new kid?”

“Nah. That title belongs to dark and broody over in the corner. Wait, Taemin the Twink is walking up to them.

Just as Hoseok observed, Taemin moved closer to the intimidating quartet. “Um, hi, Jin, I know you probably don’t know me, but, um, I was wondering if you had seen Jimin around? Last I heard from him, he said he was catching a ride with you.”

Jin smiled warmly at the blonde, reaching a hand up to tousle his hair. “Oh, Minnie,” he sang, “Your friend is looking for you.”

From behind Jin, Jimin stepped out sporting a new blue outfit. That wasn’t all that was new with Jimin. In fact, Jimin had been used as the Kims’ personal dress up toy and sported new accessories courtesy of the three. From his blue hairclip to his black Doc Martens. “Hey, Taemin. Sorry for canceling last night. I hope it’s okay that I sit with these guys today,” his innocent eyes looked up at his best friend for the past seventeen years, hoping the other would understand that he was doing it for them.

“Uh, yeah, sure. I’ll just, um, I’ll just go to the auditorium,” even though Taemin gave his approval, Jimin could see the hurt in his eyes. Not giving Jimin the chance to explain further, Taemin took his lunch to the auditorium in some hopes of escaping his rumors.

“Taemin,” Jimin whimpered out as he watched his best friend leave.

“Come on, Minnie. Lions don’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep,” Jin said, steering the smaller towards their table. A deep unsettling feeling began to burn within Jimin’s stomach. He had probably just made the biggest mistake of his life.

[rom-e-o]

Behave [Corrin/Jakob]

It started with a soft giggle. It was an inconspicuous and innocent enough sound. Everyone ignored it and moved on, figuring it was a fluke.

It was followed by a muffled snort, and then, a burst of laughter.

Both parents tried to keep it together and smother their smiles. Despite their efforts, they also failed miserably.

The artist stopped sketching and allowed the wand of charcoal to fall on the canvas. It bounced in defeat on the springy material before rolling onto the floor.

“With all due respect,” the young painter declared as he rubbed his temple in frustration, not even caring about the smudge of dark powder left behind on his furrowed brow, “Can all of you stop laughing for just a moment?”

The cordiality of his words betrayed the clear tone of annoyance in his voice.

The queen cleared her throat and straightened her dress.

“Sorry, sorry,” Corrin said, trying to not laugh again. She tapped her two sons on the shoulders sternly. “Boys, behave.”

Kana, on her left, nodded his head of wild hair in apparent agreement. The true test of his devotion was yet to come.

“Sorry, mother,” Dwyer, who was standing to her right, said. “Tell dad to stop sighing too. It’s too distracting.”

“You little liar,” Jakob replied with a little too much immediacy. While the exchange sounded bitter, both wore smirks that showcased the true teasing nature of the otherwise biting words.

“Boys,” Corrin repeated, a little more sternly the second time. “You as well, my love. All three of you, behave.”

“Sorry, mama.”

“Yes, mother.”

“Of course, my dear.”

It was difficult enough to pose for a royal portrait for hours. It was even harder to keep two children, one teen and the other a young boy, still for an extended period of time. The artist wasn’t even done sketching by the time the brothers started getting antsy. Kana started talking and Dwyer began teasing

Dwyer composed himself quickly, but Kana was harder to control. Trying to remain serious for too long was hard for him.

After a few seconds of trying to force a calm expression, another muffled giggle escaped Kana’s lips. As a result, Dwyer started to chuckle as well. The boy’s laughter was notoriously contagious. Even his family wasn’t immune to its charms.

The artist groaned audibly but kept sketching. It seemed he had given up trying to get the family to remain stoic.

Jakob sighed quietly before looking at his wife with a soft smile. “This will never end.”

“No, I suppose not,” she said with a hearty laugh. Her sanguine eyes lift to meet the disgruntled painter’s exhausted gaze. “Please, forgive us for our rudeness.”

Corrin and Jakob hadn’t been ones to insist on a royal painting. In fact, it had been Camilla who had commissioned an artist to travel all the way to Valla to paint the couple and their young children. It had been a belated wedding gift as well as a present honoring Corrin’s ascension as the Queen of Valla.

While Dwyer and Kana had both been exceptionally well-behaved at first, Dwyer had started to get obviously bored and Kana was getting more fidgety by the second.

Even Corrin had to admit that she was having a hard time staying still for such a long amount of time.

Jakob had paused the artist to stretch his arms more than once and Corrin found herself apologizing for yawning at least twice every five minutes. As the minutes dragged on, she’d also drifted closer to Jakob to lean onto his shoulder.

No wonder Kana and Dwyer were having such a hard time.

“We promise to pay to extra or your trouble,” Jakob barely managed to say. Most of the verbal complications stemmed from the fact that Kana had started poking Jakob’s sides in an attempt to get him to laugh. Not many people knew how tickling Jakob could be, but usually, Corrin was the only one to use the knowledge to her advantage. It seemed the young boy was already picking up some of his mother’s battle tactics and was taking every opportunity to elicit equal levels of joy from his father. It worked, and Jakob scooped up the boy in his arms with ease, making sure to tickle Kana’s sides as he lifted him. “You little rascal!”

The act made Kana roar with laughter.

Dwyer was visibly biting his lip to try and not laugh.

Despite her obvious delight in response to the adorable sight, Corrin still offered the artist yet another apologetic smile.

“Our apologies,” she said sympathetically. “My sister Camilla spoke highly of your skill, and here we are taking up your time. You have my sincerest apologies.”

“It’s fine,” the artist groaned. “Honestly, it’s not truly a hindrance to me. I can keep going, but it might not be the most…traditional portrait.”

Surprisingly, Corrin wasn’t the first to express an opinion at the initially outlandish idea.

“That’s not a bother for me,” Jakob replied with surprising promptness. “We’ll stay pay you extra for your troubles though, of course. You deserve to be compensated extra for all this, but I’m intrigued by the prospect of something less traditional.”

“Are you?” the artist asked, a little flicker of excitement returning to his eye. Perhaps it had been the first time a noble had proposed such an entertaining idea. “I wasn’t expecting such an admission, but truthfully, it sounds like an interesting endeavor. That is, as long as that’s what the Queen desires as well.”

On cue, Jakob averted his attention back to his wife yet again. “Well, what do you think? Shall we forgo this straight-backed, pursed-lipped nonsense?”

Corrin turned her head to meet Jakob’s face with a stunned expression. Mere moments later, surprise melted into pleasure as she asked him, “Do you mean that?”

His answer to her inquiry was threefold. First, he nodded softly before reaching out to her. Instead of cupping her cheek, like he usually did when he went to kiss her, his hand lifted to her hair. One lock was trying to bounce free from her tight updo.

With Jakob’s assistance, the wave bounced free from its binds and draped down her shoulder.

Then, he placed a chaste kiss on her lips that made Dwyer groan and Kana cover his eyes with squealing embarrassment.

“You’ll have to forgive my parents,” Dwyer told the artist with an exhausted, half-lidded stare. “They haven’t kissed for a couple hours, after all.”

Both parents were too distracted to be bothered by their son’s not-so-sarcastic comment.

Corrin smiled into the kiss and lifted a gloved hand to the base of his neck, keeping him close for a few more blissful moments.

When the kiss ended, her eyes were still a little dazed.

“You mean it?” she asked in a light whisper.

“I do,” Jakob replied, stealing her hand into his as squeezing it. “I still think we should pay the poor man extra but, truth be told, I don’t much care if our portrait is a traditional rendering. Both of our lives have revolved around changing tradition. Why should we now start bending to royal protocol?”

It didn’t take but a moment of musing for Corrin to enthusiastically bob her head in agreement.

“Won’t Aunt Camilla get mad?” Dwyer asked astutely.

The artist was the first to pipe up and answer.

“Lady Camilla gave me orders to paint the portrait however the Queen desired,” he said from behind his broad canvas. He’d already taken a cloth to rub out the existing charcoal outline.

Corrin mused for the matter for only a moment before nodding. She shifted her posture and leaned closer to her husband, who still held Kana securely in his arms. Her other arm drifted to Dwyer’s shoulder, pulling him close. The teen didn’t seem to object to being pulled closer if the small smile on his face was anything to go by.

“Shall I?” the artist asked.

One more kiss later, the Queen nodded her head in joyful affirmation.

--END--

I want to paint this portrait sooo bad. I used to do portraits in college, but never with paint. No matter what, I could never do the cutie fam-bam justice though.

Thanks for reading!

[sonnenfuchs]

⟶ that tuesday night | jjg | (m)

▹ pairing: jeongguk x reader ▹ genre: fluff, smut ▹ wordcount: 5k ▹ a/n: this is a dumb pwp i have no explanation for except the support of like seven different people that encouraged me to write it. enojy a somewhat college!au jeon.

↳ your best friend finds out how much you love horror, yet you are so goddamn easy to scare. it holds the promise of an entertaining night.

“So, part two tonight?”

He grins at you over the rim of his glass filled with white wine, the usual bunny grin with his nose crinkled and eyes shining that is so incredibly hard to resist. Or maybe, it’s just the wine that you yourself have already running through your system that makes you think that way. You just shrug at him.

“I mean, sure. Why not.” He grins even wider at that, ignoring the faintest trace of hesitation that is laced into your voice. You don’t even get to sigh at his eagerness before he is already turned towards his laptop, opening google to pull up a stream that is high quality enough for his liking.

Maybe it was a mistake telling your horror movie obsessed friend about your definitely there curiosity for all things horror, especially movies, after all you are an absolute nerd for all things film and Jeongguk knows that as well. But being the absolute scaredy cat you are, you never quite dared to venture into them on your own. More than delighted upon hearing those news, a mischievous grin spread over his face, proposing the suggestion that if you are to scared to watch them alone, who better to watch them with than Jeon Jeongguk himself?

After he promised that yes, you can hide behind his back, and yes, you can hold his hand if you need to, you agreed.

And before you knew it, you were laying in his bed, half clinging to his blanket as you watched “The Conjuring”. With lights turn fully up - you insisted on that, but that came with a con as well, because it only made it easier for him to laugh at you sinking further and further down the head of the bed until you were cowering under the safety shield that was his blanket the longer the movie went on.

After the credits had rolled, you had calmly collected yourself, saving as much grace and composure as you had left, but then he simply reminded you that you had to sleep on your own, and your miserable face just added to his amusement. Honestly, why did you even agree to watch a horror movie when you live on your goddamn own in an apartment complex where somewhat creepy noises were heard all night long. But at least he had the courtesy to walk you back home in the middle of the night, and he was polite enough not to mention that maybe, just maybe, you were walking closer to him than necessary.

Now, exactly a week later, you are here in his room again. Under the premise of alcohol and a good time he has lured you over only to once again propose another movie night full of horror.

Not that you mind, after all you admitted your desire for diving into those movies, and any excuse you could get to curl up in Jeongguks bed, letting his smell surround you, you would take. There’s just something very comforting about being in a place that is so private to him.

While he is setting up his laptop on a chair across from the bed so it serves as a movie screen, you crawl into his bed to once again claim his blanket as your safe haven. You are ready for another two hours of tension as you expect a jumpscare to pop up any second, praying that you wouldn’t embarrass yourself any further as you might just flinch and scream. But he interrupts your inner prep talk.

“Does it bother you if I change into sweats real quick?” He gestures down to his in tight jeans and button down clad body and you quickly shake your head, as he goes to rummage around in his wardrobe.

“Mind if I look? Or do you want me to look away?” You tease with a grin on your face as he pokes his tongue out to you. Shrugging of his button down, he searches for something more cosy. Settling on a simple white cotton shirt he pulls it out and turns to you.

“Not at all, please, go ahead and marvel at all these muscles. By the way, do you want to change into something comfier as well?” You look down at your skinny jeans, one of your fave pairs, and one of the few things in your wardrobe that make your nearly non existent ass look amazing, but there are definitely better things to wear for movie nights. Even impromptu ones. And so you nod at him, thankfully smiling as he throws you a pair of sweatpants.

Getting out of bed again, you shimmy out of your pants, when out of the corner of your eye you see him stop his movements and turn his head towards you. His voice sounds out once more, and it’s a mix of a teasing tone and something else you can’t quite make out. “Mind if I look?”

“Guk, please. You have seen me in bikinis before, where’s the difference.” You easily shrug him off, but the realization that you are in fact wearing a pair of black lace panties, which are without a doubt racier that your usual swim attire, does let a slight blush creep into your cheeks. The fact that you definitely can feel his gaze skim over your behind before he quickly turns away to shrug on his own clothes does not help. At all.

Dropping back down on the bed, he lays his body next to yours with a tired sigh, stretching out his limbs. You wonder what he’s doing, he hasn’t even started the movie yet, and yet here he is, and he is looking at you with an expecting look in his eyes, his teeth find purchase in his bottom lip, worrying the delicate skin.

“Why are you staring at me?” Drawing out the first word, you crook your head at him, poking him in the arm to make him spill. He swats your hand away before sighing again.

“You know how I was at that bar on friday?”

“Yeah,” you hum, cuddling deeper into his bed, fully surrounded by his scent that you have grown so familiar with. “You texted me since I promised to come out too. Sorry ‘bout flaking on that by the way.”

He shakes his head to dismiss your apology. After all this time he knows that if he texts you past ten pm, the chances of you actually attending anything that does require a dress code other than pyjamas are slim, if he does not even dare to say impossible.

“Don’t worry about it, that night was a mess anyway. Taehyung was having a rough night, and you know how we always have a drink together if one of us is in a really shitty mood? Yeah, that was why I texted you at like eleven. Had to cheer him up first, ya know?”

You nod as you watch him speak. His eyebrows are knitted, and you can tell he is mulling over something uncomfortable in his thoughts. So, you simply stay quiet until he resumes talking.

“Anyway, we run into some old acquaintances, and there is this one lady who I ended up talking to. She was nice and all, but like, we were only talking. And the next morning I woke up to her having spammed me with messages on facebook. Stuff like I miss you and can I see you again and even I love you. Can you believe that? Like, she’s nearly thirty aaand already has a kid!”

“Wait, what. For real?” You don’t know if you should laugh at his misery, but you definitely want to. It has something so surreal about it that it seems hilarious, yet you get why he is so creeped out and looks so uncomfortable just thinking back to it.

“Yes. For real. What 29 year old hits on a 20 year old and acts that way after meeting them in a bar once? It’s crazy. And now I am kind of scared to run into her again this week.” And, this is the moment you realize as to why he has been staring at you so expectantly. You are not sure you want to hear his idea. “So, I have been thinking that maybe, if she does appear again this week, you could… pretend to be my girlfriend?”

“Jeongguk, how much wine did you have to even think of this?”

“Enough. But like I’ll just tell her I found the love of my life this week, like a miracle, and I don’t know, maybe I’ll put my arm around you for a while so it seems more believable and once she fucks off we go back to whatever shitshow this friendship is.”

“... You do realize that a. I’m super busy this week as I have told you before and will not go near any place that could even tempt me to consume anything that might get me drunk and b. that is one hell of a dumb plan.”

Raising an eyebrow and crossing your arms as he looks at you with puppy eyes. You do get where he is coming from, but also you cannot believe that he is being serious. Well, yeah, maybe some of your friends are thinking that there is something going on between the two of you, with you constantly hang out and all and more often than not ditching the rest of the group to hang out on your own. But most of the time, you just end up playing Overwatch, instead. So, no, you are only friends, but you can see why the plan could work in his mind.

“Y/N, pleaaase. Help me out here.”

This time you sigh, placing a hand on each of his shoulder as you stare straight into his eyes. “Fine. If you meet her again, text me and I will respond with a confession of my undying love for you and how the stars have aligned in just the right position, allowing us to meet, so it can only be fate and has to be destined. But this is a one time thing.”

“Yes! Thank you!” He half screams, hugging you quickly before jumping out of bed to finally hit play on the movie that must have fully loaded by now. “Wait, lights on or off?”

“Well, we did have them on last time, but I guess we can try watching in the dark until I get too scared?”

“Deal.” He presses play, darkens the room and slides back into the space next to you, making himself comfy. “You know, I think this one is actually way scarier than the last one. I’m not sure, though.”

The dim light coming from the laptop screen is still enough to make out his features, the light reflects in his large eyes, and you can see him look at you as his knee nudges yours.

“What is this, a bad attempt to make me cuddle up to you?” You question his motives as you nudge him back, scooting closer to him and letting him put his arm around you as he admits to it laughing. Your head ends up resting on his chest and his hand finds a place to settle on your waist. It’s a perfect position, letting both of you see the screen and you feel safe. Protected. You can easily hide in his chest once the jumpscares begin.

But even as your heart starts beating faster and there are chills running down your spine at certain scenes, you are and will always be somewhat of a snarky asshole. Running your mouth you point out all the illogical things and stupid behaviour in the movie, even laughing at some things that should scare you. But hey, let’s be honest, a voice that should belong to some gruff looking six foot guy that has been chain smoking for the last fifty years coming out of an eleven year old girl just is so unfitting, it is hilarious to you. At one point Jeongguk even has to tell you to shut up and stop ruining one of his fave movies.

You simply shrug him off.

Yet, there are enough moments where your grip his arm, his biceps firm under your touch, and press closer to him as he soothingly runs his hand over your side and holds you tight against him by your shoulder, and you are incredibly grateful for that.

You barely realize how tangled up you ended, not until the credits start to roll and your thigh somehow is trapped, wedged in between his legs and his hand rests on your spine as it sneaked up underneath your shirt somewhere along the way. When he gets up to stop the movie, complaining about the creepy music that is playing, you feel cold without him next to you, and you nearly pull him back down.

At the same a yawn escapes you, and as you stretch out your lazy limbs, you feel how tired you actually are. You think about how you still have to gather your things and walk home through the dark and cold night and groan. It’s warm and comfy in his bed, and just the thought of leaving it seems like torture.

“How late is it, anyway?” You mumble, trying to find the motivation to get up, yet somehow only ending up hugging yourself tighter in the blanket.

“Nearly one am.”

“Jesus Christ.” You groan, and you do not quite believe that it’s already that late. “I’m too tired, can I just sleep here?”

He is already up and putting away his laptop when he turns around to look at you. Seeing you all curled up, stifling another yawn, he cannot help but smile at how cute you look. “Sure. But I don’t have a toothbrush you can use.”

“Eh, that’s fine. I’ll live if I don’t brush my teeth for once. Can I borrow a shirt though? My sweater is too warm to sleep in.”

So he throws you a shirt before he goes into the bathroom to wash up. Grabbing your phone, you check for new messages before turning it off so it doesn’t end up with a dead battery in the morning. Then you finally change into your borrowed pyjama. You quickly get rid of your sweater, and pull the shirt over your head before taking of your bra. That turns out to be a good decision as Jeongguk enters the room the exact moment you pull it out underneath your shirt, and you can see him try to look unbothered.

You ignore his reaction and lay back down.

He turns off the lights and crawls under the covers next to you, pulling you against his chest. “Is this okay?”

“Mhm, yeah.” You hum, making yourself comfortable in his hold as your heavy eyelids close. But sleep doesn’t come quickly. There is something about sleeping in someone’s arms that is too foreign for you, and it throws you off. But it seems to be the same for Jeongguk as you both try to stay still, yet shift around subtly.

And it doesn’t take too long for you to overheat, the duvet paired with his body heat too much. So you wriggle out of his grasp, explaining what is going on when he asks what’s wrong.

“I can open a window if you want.”

“No, it’s fine. I just need to…” You go trail off as you lift your hips to pull down the thick material of the sweatpants and take them off completely to throw them somewhere on the floor. “Get rid of those. Otherwise I’m gonna melt.”

He pulls you back against him after that, and with your legs now bare, it’s way easier to stay that way. But now you are painfully aware of how your bare ass is up against his crotch, and you hope he isn’t thinking the same as you, because as the both of you shift in your attempt to fall asleep, your behind is rubbing against him. And his heart is beating as fast as yours, you can hear it.

But he is your best friend, nothing more and you do not want anything more, but right now with his strong arms wrapped around you and his breath fanning over your neck, you cannot help but imagine how his lips would feel against yours, and how his dick would feel stretching you out as he pounds into you.

The more you think about it, the less sleepy you feel and the more vivid those images become.

You are not sure how long you are lying there awake, it feels like hours, and all you want to do is sleep. But then you turn from your side to your back, and Jeongguks hand slips up to the side of your neck, just shy of holding your jaw, and your breath gets caught in your throat.

His fingers reach up to turn your head towards him, and before you know it, his lips are on yours. You are frozen for a split second, but then you are kissing back as you press yourself closer to him, your hand pulling at his hair.

He easily rolls you over so you are straddling him, his hands tightly holding on to your waist, and he groans underneath you as your teeth tug at his bottom lip. Kissing with even more fervor now, one of his hands slip down to grip your ass and you grind your hips into him as a response. His tongue slips into your mouth and you let out the tiniest of noises that just spur him on to hear more.

Breaking the kiss, he tugs on your shirt and you immediately sit up and help him pull it over your head before diving back to let your mouth meet his again. But it doesn’t take long before he rolls you over again, this time he is being on top of you, yet he keeps your hips lifted off the mattress so he can pull down your underwear.

You kick it off the rest of the way, and the second it is out of the way he settles between your legs, putting his weight onto you as he kisses you breathless. He starts to move down your neck, indulging in the little broken moans you let out. He moves further and further until he is nibbling at the apex of your thigh and just the sight of his head between your legs is enough to make your heart beat faster.

He nibbles and licks at your skin until you get impatient and start wriggling in his hold, whining out of impatience. He silently chuckles at your reaction before finally complying with a broad stripe licked up on your center.

After that, he no longer holds back. You barely have time to catch your breath as he nibbles and sucks, his tongue toying with your clit in the most delightful of ways. You clutch his hair in overwhelming pleasure as you moan out his name again and again, trying to memorize the stunning visual of him eating you out in your mind to never ever forget this again.

And when you start to move around too much for his liking, as your hips start to jerk, he simply wraps his arms around you, his strong arms on top of your lower stomach as he pulls you down so you cannot go anywhere.

In the faint light of the moonshine filtering through the windows you can make out the veins in his forearms as he flexes his muscles to keep you from moving, and the way he is laying on his side, you can see his cock heavy and thick through the thin fabric of his boxers.

You wonder what it feels like in your hand.

But he does not let you reach down. Lifting your hips up, he pulls you against his mouth, wrapping his pink lips around your clit and your hands fly up to clutch the pillow underneath your head as to anchor yourself to this reality as pleasure tries to wash you away. You are barely holding on and he knows it as well.

So, with his fingers digging into your skin to keep you close, and his tongue dancing against you, he does not let you budge a single inch until you are writhing underneath him with gasps falling from your lips in ways that sound like faint resemblances of his name and your thighs are shaking around his head.

He lets go of you when he thinks of you boneless enough, and then moves back up until his face is hovering above yours again. You can tell he wants to kiss you again. “Do you want me to go wash my face?”

You barely let him finish his sentence before your lips are on his again. You can taste yourself, and it feels somewhat odd, but you do not mind it at all, and mostly you do not want to let him go, not yet. You want to kiss him crazy. And he kisses back just as madly with his hand cupping your face so you do not go anywhere.

“So, if we already have gotten to this point…” You ask in a spare second of catching your breath in which he is nosing along your jaw with a heaving chest. “Sex or nah?”

He just snorts at your words, placing a soft kiss on your collarbone. “I mean, I’m not saying no.”

“Well, neither am I. So what are you waiting for?”

He sits back to look down on you, and with his hair a disheveled mess and some of your remains still glistening on his chin, he has never looked better.

“Do we need a condom?”

“No, I’m on the pill. Plus, I do in fact know you are clean after that drama with your ex.” You pull him back down and he easily lets you.

“Ugh, don't remind me.” He groans before attaching his lips to side of your neck, kissing up and down until you are writhing underneath him once again and you feel him grinning against your skin.

Then he leans back again, pulling off his boxers and discarding them somewhere on the side before crawling back above you. You immediately part your legs so he can settle in between, and you prepare to feel him enter you when-

“Wait, erm, I…might have had a little too much to drink, it’s really difficult to get fully hard.” He whispers in the crook of your neck, and you cannot help but laugh.

“For real?”

He hum in affirmation, pinching your side when you continue to laugh at him, going back to teasing the sensitive skin of your neck. You push him a little to turn, both of you ending on your side, facing each other and you reach down beneath your bodies to take his cock into your hands. It’s warm and firm, and definitely thick, letting your core clench with excitement.

You jerk him slowly, and he groans into your mouth at the touch. It’s satisfying, hearing his reaction. Taking it one step further, you change the angle of your position again, guiding his member to your sex and sliding along it. It rubs against your already oversensitive clit as well and noises escape you with each thrust of his hips.

That seems to do the trick, as it doesn’t take long before he flips you over again, asking you if you are ready, and you can only nod furiously until he finally slides into you. There definitely is a stretch, but it feels all too delicious and you cannot help the moan of relief that leaves your lips when he is buried deeply inside of you.

With his weight propped onto his elbows on each side of you, he has all the leverage to move his hip and he wastes no time to start thrusting into you. Your ankles come to cross behind his back and the change of position immediately makes it all feel so much more intense and deeper.

As he starts to pick up speed, the moans spill over your lips more and more in staccato noises that bounce of the walls and spur him on. The bed rattles as it hits the wall with each movement, and at this point you are sure you have long woken up his flatmate. But facing an annoyed Taehyung in the morning is the last of your worries right now, as his sharp hipbones dig into your thighs and it is slowly but surely starting to hurt.

Yet you cannot be bothered to let him know as the current angle just feels all too delightful. If you could, you would never let this moment end, he feels heavenly inside of you, and with you clawing over his back, you are sure he knows how good he makes you feel.

But his own breath is labored and there are groans coming from him each time you tighten around him, so you know, it is not only you that is enjoying herself. He seems to get closer and closer to his own edge too, deep grunts breaking up the rhythm of his exhales here and there.

You press your heels into his lower back, bringing him even closer to you, and he suddenly picks up his speed. His thrusts turn erratic as he chases his high, and it presses all the air out of you, the feeling of him fucking you this hard is absolutely overwhelming.

All you can do is moan out his name.

And that is when the coil in his stomach snaps, he thrusts a couple more times before stilling as you feel him fill you up with his warm cum. His muscles lock up and you squeeze your walls around him, guiding him through his orgasm and milking all you can out of him.

It takes a couple of minutes before the tension in his body snaps and he collapses on top of you. You hold him dearly until he has caught his breath. His lips move over your collarbones, up your neck, along your jaw until he meets your mouth one last time, kissing you with all the passion he can still muster.

Then he finally rolls off of you, and stretches his limbs. Standing up he turns on the lights, and it blinds you for a second after having gotten used to the moonlight. But once your eyes have adjusted, you cannot help but look at him and smile. He returns the grin, running his hand through his hair to try and untangle the mess it has become.

Picking up his underwear, he also throws you the shirt you were wearing earlier, and you easily catch it and pull it over your head. After that you dig around the bed, look through the chaos of his sheets to spot the black lace of your panties. You find them easily enough, putting them back on, and as you move, you already can tell that you will be sore the next morning.

“Do I even wanna know how late it is? Yes, I do.” Jeongguk mumbles before fidgeting with his phone, letting out a groan once the display light up. “Fuck. It’s 4 am. Not like I have some important things to be at tomorrow morning. My project partners are going to kill me if I fuck up tomorrow.”

“Dude, I have morning classes as well. I’m so going to fall asleep in there.”

He just sighs and puts his phone back, cracking his neck before turning to you. “I’ll go clean myself up. Be right back.”

Standing up you nod at him to go, and the movement makes you feel his cum still inside of you, and it is such an unfamiliar and weird feeling, but there is something about it that makes you all giddy and flustered. “I think I’ll go pee real quick.”

And it’s only when you are sitting on the toilet, that what just happened hits you full force, and your blood rushed up into your cheeks, warming them up and tinting them a deep hue or pink as you rest your face into your hands. You just fucked your best friend. Why the fuck did you fuck your best friend?

But it is not like it feels like a huge fuck up, like your friendship has now somehow changed, or worse, is completely ruined. You have known Jeongguk too long for that, and your bond is too strong. Yet it is something you never once expected to happen. And now that it has, it is confusing you.

Your bare feet pad back into his room after washing your hands, and once in bed, he tugs you against his chest once more, holding you close enough that you can feel his chest move with each breath he takes.

“Honestly, Jeongguk, how did that just happen?”

His voice is muffled by the way he mumbles right into your hair, but you can still make it out clearly. “I don’t know, but I blame you.”

“Wait, what?” You want to turn around, poke him in the face for blaming it on you, or at least hit his chest or something, but he knows you too well, knows all your reaction and he just holds you down with his strength, not letting you move at all and you just give up. “What did I do?”

“Let’s just talk about his tomorrow, Y/N. We need to fucking sleep now.”

“We have like two hours, you know that right?”

He nudges you once, as if he was warning you, before pressing his face further into the crook of your neck. “And if you would be kind enough to shut the fuck up, I might actually get to sleep in those.”

And for once, you listen to him as he tells you to be quiet, because tiredness has settled deeply into your muscles and bones, and they are calling you to go get some rest, to let your body recover, and Jeongguks breathing has already become slow and stable, and it lures you into your dreams like a lullaby.

This time, you fall asleep in his hold, and even with the alarm going off way too soon, you can’t remember the last time you slept that well.

[stretchjournalemerson]

Pain Management

By Maura Grace Cowan

For decades, I have been told, Mema’s fingers smelled of nicotine, trailing the scent of a pack a day and a love that ate away at my grandfather until it swallowed him whole just five months after I was born. After that, an already vicious candy habit became a lifelong method of staying cigarette-free. She said that it kept her mouth busy and her head on straight.

We were alike in that way– her weakness was See’s Candies butterscotch lollipops, and I favored peppermints to focus. It was not uncommon, during the five years that she lived in our home, to find us next to each other in the living room, teeth clacking on our respective hard candies until I finished my work or she tired of the barrage of bad news.

Her other method of oral fixation was toothpicks, little orange slivers that she dropped as she hobbled from room to room. Truthfully, that was about all she left behind– plastic wrappers and wood chips, breadcrumbs that led me back through the years after she was gone.

I was home for Christmas during my freshman year of college when she passed, as suddenly as one can pass after almost a century of life. It was California dreary out, with a blank sky and a bad attitude. She was three thousand miles away by then, but the West Coast was mourning. That night, I popped a coffee-flavored See’s lollipop in my mouth. It was the last thing I would bite into for days.

My wisdom teeth were never wise enough to grow in the correct direction, and with my already small jaw, their removal was an inevitability. We had made the appointment the previous summer, hoping to control the problem before it started. The timing could not have been predicted. But I would have signed away a world of hurt down the line if I could have absolved myself of surgery on the morning after my grandmother’s death.

My orthodontist was a genial Scottish man in his fifties. I had met him just once before, for our consultation. He charmed me immediately by recognizing my name and its correct pronunciation– “Gaelic, o’course,” he had said cheerfully. Mema would have been smitten. She always loved accents– anything about people, really, cultures and language and history. She told me once that she had lived so many stories that she couldn’t help wanting to hear everyone else’s. This was what I was thinking about when he began to rattle off the medications he would prescribe me for the weeks after the operation.

“Oh, I don’t need the strong stuff,” I interjected. “I’ll be just fine with the Ibuprofen, I’ve got a lot of grit.”

He chuckled, handing me a stack of forms.

“I don’t doubt it, Maura. Let’s just see how you’re feeling afterwards, eh?”

I was the last of my friends from high school to get their wisdom teeth out. I had stayed the night with Amelia right after the surgery, brought ice cream for Tyler every day for a week. I knew that there would be no conversation or ‘seeing how I felt.’

I am not taking those pills.

I have never lived at extremes. Modesty and moderation were ingrained in me before I could pronounce either word, by my mother and Mema and their working-class sensibilities. And if nothing else, I have held myself to those principles. In high school, even on the rare occasions that I allowed myself to go out on weekends, it was a point of pride that I knew my limits. I was never the least sober in the room– often, I was the most by far. I never, ever, lost control.

The assistant was a young, lanky man– almost a boy, really, I noticed as he plunged the IV drip into my arm. I imagined babbling to him when I woke up, making a fool of myself, having to be carried out like I once carried my high school friend when she mixed Vicodin and vodka.

“Don’t give me too much,” I remember pleading. “Look at me. Promise me that I will walk out of here on my own.”

He must have listened, because when I came to, it was with a surprisingly clear head. At least, the part of my head that I could feel was clear. I spent the car ride home in silence, poking at the numbness, pushing down the tears that were welling up in my eyes.

Healing happened, slowly and awkwardly. A prescription of Hydrocodone sat on my dresser unopened; I refused everything but aspirin and a steady supply of vanilla pudding. Instead, I spent my days drifting between sleep and discomfort, but I suffered in silence. The whole house, after all, was suffering too.

Mema was not an affectionate woman– in the years that I knew her, she was not even particularly kind. She was stubborn and abrasive, with a Southern drawl turned scratchy with years of smoking and sighing and complaining.

She was also the strongest woman I have ever known.

After she quit smoking, she kept as far as possible from any sort of vices that would shorten her lifespan, replacing them instead with virtues… temperance, fortitude, and CNN. Even in her last years, when my parents begged her to have a glass of wine each night just to help her get to sleep, she refused. Her pain management was a strict combination of stubbornness and grit, and her health remained remarkable for her age.

But when you are close to one hundred years old, regardless of how healthy you are, on some level, every part of your body is begging you to just stop. To rest. Sometimes, it’s even in your own mind.

Once, I heard her ask my mother, “Why am I still here?”

“You know that we can’t get you back on a plane safely with all this oxygen, Mom.”

“No,” she sighed. “Why am I still here?”

But she accepted it. She held firm, and she stayed. Even when we ran out of money and resources and patience, when we had to fly her those three thousand miles to move back in with my auntie Beth, she stayed until she could not stay one second longer.

When I was seventeen, I once stood staring into her medicine cabinet on the precipice of explosion. I had my father’s gin and my mother’s anger in my stomach, and I knew what matches it would take to light that fuse. But I stayed, strong and composed, just as she did every day. I couldn’t do it for myself. So I did it for her.

I am not taking those pills.

I was, at the outset, correct about my ability to push through the discomfort. My constant fear of losing control had given me an acute awareness of how much I could handle, and I walked that line confidently. I did everything right, took the antibiotics and cleaned the surgical sites with a ritualistic reverence. All of my focus went towards the pain in my mouth. And the other pain, the ache that had settled into the bones of our house and deep into my chest, went untreated.

Until it couldn’t anymore.

I pushed myself too hard, I understand that now. I had convinced myself that I was out of the woods entirely, that I hadn’t felt any real soreness for days, that I was ready to shut the door behind a miserable week. That afternoon, I went hiking with my best friend, and we caught up over coffee and pre-Christmas peppermint bark. She tried to mention Mema, and I pointed out a hawk in the trees ahead.

By the evening, I was curled up in excruciating pain, convinced that the left side of my jaw was cracking and splintering as I laid with a bag of ice that did no real good. Taking Ibuprofen was like trying to stamp out a forest fire.

With gritted teeth and an apology, I cracked open the bottle of Hydrocodone.

That night was one of the worst of my life. I dreamed apocalyptic wastelands, bodies fetid and festering after the pestilence of the pandemic that had already defined that year. I saw my grandmother, sweating in and out of sleep– alive for a moment, but dying again and again. In the confusion and haze, for just a moment, I thought she might have been a god.

My fever dream ended as a weak winter sun began to stream through the window. I was drained, more exhausted than I had been the night before, but the ache had disappeared and my head was clear. I stripped the sheets and washed off the night, plugged in my headphones, hit shuffle perched on her old bare mattress.

And I was catching my breath/

Staring out an open window, catching my death/

And I couldn’t be sure/

I had a feeling so peculiar, that this pain would be for/

Evermore

I didn’t even notice I was crying until the drops hit my legs. I do not think I could have stopped myself if I tried. But I had run out of the desire to control.

Hey December, guess I’m feeling unmoored/

Can’t remember what I used to fight for

Everything, my grandmother and mother have insisted, exists in moderation. But what is moderation when we feel in extremes?

I rewind the tape, but all it does it pause/

On the very moment all was lost/

Sending signals to be double-crossed

We are made for vices, for cigarettes and coffee and chocolate cake. We are made to cling to any semblance of control, and then to watch again and again as it slips away, and then we are made to try again.

When the tears ran out and the last notes played, I pulled myself up and grabbed my keys. On my way out of the door, I caught a glimpse of something on the kitchen counter– a small glass bowl filled with See’s lollies. We had bought a box to send her for Christmas the day before she died.

This is what she left behind. Plastic wrappers, wood chips. A gap in the family and four gaps in my jaws. Ninety-nine years of stories and stubbornness and Southern sensibility. I carry the weight of her within me, her love and her loss. I manage our pain the way that she taught me, with control and composure. But I’m learning my own ways too.

And I couldn’t be sure/

I had a feeling so peculiar, this pain wouldn’t be for/

Evermore

My fist closed around a butterscotch.

[lynfraser09]

Grateful for Something

Title: Grateful For Something

Rating: T

Word Count: 10,226

Fandom: Dear Evan Hansen

Pairings/Characters: Evan Hansen / Connor Murphy

Summary: AU Canon-divergent. Another disastrous holiday and two lonely boys who find each other.

Notes: A belated Thanksgiving themed story.

OR READ ON A03

Connor flopped onto his bed so hard it made the bed frame shake and hit the wall with a loud thud. He waited a second and then forcefully reached up to shove at the head and as it hit the wall, it made another loud thud and scraped a bit of paint off the wall.

 He rolled on his side seething, shaking with the force of the rage building inside of him.

 He replayed the scene that had happened just a minute ago over and over in his head like a bad movie he couldn’t turn off.

 A fancy, bountiful meal his mother had worked literal days on. The dining room table set with the Good China and surrounded by aunts, uncles and cousins who only bothered to show up once a year.

 It wasn't really his fault - he had promised his pleading mother he would behave and he did or he tried to. He had kept quiet at the far end of the table, constantly keeping his eyes on his plate hoping to just be ignored.

 Then Uncle Ben, his father's brother of course, had to be the one to attempt conversation with him. To ask him about school: “fine” and plans for college. He had none and everyone knew it. Connor had a retort ready about how college was a waste of time and money when his cousin, Perfect Boy - almost definitely receiving a full ride to one of the top schools in the nation - Joe made an offhand comment about how he'd just be majoring in drug use.

 It had only escalated from there, ending with the horrified faces of his aunts and uncles, disappointment scrawled on the faces of his mother and Zoe, and a screaming match between him and Larry that the neighbors surely had heard.

 He was out of his seat before he could really hear Larry's demand for him to leave.

 He grabbed his pillow and shoved it over his head tightly. It wasn't long before the heat and lack of air started to suffocate him. He debated keeping it on but realized it wouldn't work. Instead he tossed his pillow across the room, it hit the desk and knocked several items to the floor in a clammer.

 Now hot, sweaty and irritated he stalked over to the window and threw it open.

 He let out a small gasp as a rush of cold air hit his dampened skin.

 He closed his eyes, his fists curled at his sides, his breathing sharp and shallow as he took in the fresh air.

 After a minute, and still feeling stifled in the ridiculous sweater his mom made him wear, he tore it off and threw it to the floor.

 He was now only in an undershirt and the cold, brisk air felt good against his skin.

 He glanced down, frowning at the various red marks on his arms. He tightened his hands into fists, his fingernails digging into his palm.

 He growled under his breath and searched his messy room until he found his desired hoodie.

 He roughly pulled it over his head and stalked back to the window. He had no interest in remaining in that house and knew he had to get out. The only question was his destination.

 He knew where he wanted to go, where his first thought always was to go after an incident like this. A far corner of the park where boys like him went and got so high they almost forgot they weren't wanted by the families.

 His body itched, ached, screamed for it - because it had been a surprisingly long time - and he had almost made up his mind when he spotted his phone sitting on his desk.

 He stared at it a long while and then walked over to grab it.

 He opened his contacts, his finger hovering over the one name that might have just been as miserable as he was.

 He remembered the conversation he had had with a few of his classmates the day before school let out for break.

 Alana had come over to ask everyone about their thanksgiving plans, after giving great detail about her own plans. Jared said it was only his parents and grandparents. Connor had rolled his eyes and grumbled about seeing his extended family and then all eyes had fallen on Evan.

 He shifted nervously and explained that his mother usually had to work on thanksgiving and that he would be alone. Alana expressed her sympathies, Jared cracked a joke about what he could do on his own but gave his friend a slightly sympathetic look behind it, and Connor, though he wished he could have been alone, had started to see that Evan became uncomfortable in social situations, and probably wouldn't have enjoyed a huge thanksgiving meal a la the Murphy's, but the constant lack of his mother’s presence sat heavy on him.

 Evan brushed it off with a shrug, saying it was no problem. Connor told him he would have invited him over to their dinner but didn't want to expose Evan to that kind of disaster. Evan had glanced at him kindly, sadly and thanked him for the thought anyway.

 Remembering that look on Evan's face he finally decided and opened a text.

 To: Evan

 Is your mom still at work?

 He sent the text and turned around to sit at the edge of his desk.

 His fingers drummed impatiently against the wood but really it was only a minute before his phone vibrated and lit up with a new message.

 From: Evan

 Yes

 Then, a few seconds later:

 From: Evan

WHY?

 SORRY

 Why?

 Evan, in his haste, often fat-fingered the keyboard and sent him capitalized text messages. Evan always followed it up with an apology and a correction but Connor found it amusing, almost endearing. It was an Evan Hansen quirk, one of his many, one that Evan probably berated himself for, but all together just made Evan, Evan.

 To: Evan

 I'm coming over

 He didn't wait for Evan’s response and slipped the phone into his pocket. He knew Evan was alone and if he didn't go to Evan he would go elsewhere.

 He pulled his hood over his head and slowly pulled open his door.

 He could ear the muted sounds of his family attempting to reconcile their family dinner and scoffed. Continue on as if everything normal, as if Connor didn't even exist, which was par for the course really.

 He continued to quietly sneak down the hall. Despite being tall, he was also thin and surprisingly stealthy and he had become an expert in slipping out right under his parents’ noses. He even had the added advantage of having the extra family over to provide distraction.

 He only held his breath for a moment as he passed the dining room. He thought he might have seen Zoe catch his eye as he darted past. It was day to day whether Zoe cared enough to rat him out but after a few more steps and no disturbance from the room, if she did see him, she didn't say anything.

 He was about to head straight for the door when he caught sight of something on the kitchen counter.

 He smirked to himself as he slunk into the kitchen, grabbed it, stuffed it under his hoodie and then continued towards the door.

 The front door was far enough from the dining room that they probably wouldn't have heard him anyway but Uncle Ben had just cracked a joke that had his aunt, cousin and Father laughing hysterically, allowing him to slip out the door completely undetected.

 He felt a light vibration in his pocket and knew Evan had finally responded to him. He ignored it and instead started off towards his house.

 The sun had been setting when he left and it was nearly dark by the time he reached Evan’s.

 With nearly frozen fingers he knocked on the door. He barely had to knock twice before the door swung open.

 The two boys stared at one another, Evan with slightly wide, inquisitive eyes.

 Connor inched his way towards the open door, already feeling the heat from within. “You gonna let me in or just let me freeze to death?”

 “Oh! Yeah, s-sorry…” he stepped aside and Connor stepped in through the door, nearly sighing in relief. He usually didn't mind the cold, prefered it actually but the temperature really had dropped as the sun disappeared and the cold bit at any exposed skin.

 He looked around the small entrance hallway, completely dim, with only a light in one of the far rooms.

 He lowered his hood and turned to Evan who had now closed the door. “See much, Hansen?”

 Evan blinked at him. “W-what?”

 “It's fucking dark ,dude.”

 “Oh.” Evan looked around, seemingly noticing it for the first time and then shrugged. “Well it's just me so...I don't need the lights I guess.”

 Connor preferred the darkness himself so he only nodded. Then he headed straight for the source of light and heard Evan following behind him.

 It turned out to be the living room where Evan had set himself up for the evening. The tv was on low playing some nature documentary, his laptop and phone were on the table, beside what looked like a barely touched frozen pizza and a blanket tossed haphazardly across the couch cushions, where Evan had obviously made himself comfortable for the night.

 Wordlessly, Connor entered the room and took immediately to the couch and plopped himself down onto it.

 He looked up to find Evan in the doorway, watching him curiously, fiddling nervously with the hem of his shirt. Another Evan Hansen quirk.

 “So, uh...what...what, uh happened? I mean… why are you here? Not that I don't want you…”

 “My family fucking sucks, that's what happened.” Connor snapped, cutting off his rambling. “But no surprises there, right?”

 Evan frowned and walked further into the room and then finally took a seat beside him on the couch.

 “They didn't want me there and I didn't want to be there so…” Connor shrugged and then threw his arm over the armrest. “Here I am.”

 Evan stared at him and then pressed his lips together. “S-sorry…”

 Connor lifted his brow. “You've got nothing to be sorry for.”

 His hands twitched on his lap. “No, I know, but thanksgiving is you know, a time for family or whatever so I'm just...sorry…”

 Connor huffed. “Well fuck thanksgiving and fuck family. It's a stupid holiday anyway.”

 Evan nodded slowly and glanced down at his hands. “Yeah...yeah it is.” He said quietly.

 The pitiful loneliness in his voice almost wish he had invited Evan over or better yet, ditched his family hours ago to hang out here instead.

 “I can see you really got into the holiday spirit too.” Connor motioned towards the pizza on the table. “Nothing like that good ol’ thanksgiving holiday frozen pizza.”

 That finally got the intended results and a small smile tugged at Evans lips. “Yeah, well I can't make a turkey and Mom doesn't have time so…” He flapped his hand in the direction of the pizza.

 “Turkey is lame.” Connor said and reached for a slice of the pizza, only then remembering the package he had slipped under his hoodie.

 “Hey, I brought us something…” He removed the bottle from under his hoodie and placed it on the table.

 Evan’s eyes widened as he leaned in toward it. “Is that….wine?”

 With a smug smirk, Connor snatched a slice of pizza and relaxed back on the couch. “Yep, snatched it before I left. My aunt brought it over...it's imported from Italy or some shit. Really expensive and really pretentious.”

 Evan eyed it warily, as if he had never seen a bottle of wine before in his life. He glanced up to Connor and flushed as Connor stared at him with an amused smirk.

 “I, ah, never have had wine before.” Evan admitted a little shyly and Connor snorted past a mouthful of food. He swallowed, then said, “No shit, Hansen.” He grinned, the first real smile all week.

 “You're about as clean as they come.” Evan’s brow shot up and they both suddenly remembered a dark night, just a few weeks ago, where Connor had a moment of weakness and so did Evan and they both confessed their little secrets - Evan had not fallen from the tree and the attempt on his life after the letter incident had not been Connor's first.

 That night in fact had been a turning point in their friendship where they were not only just barely friendly but found an understanding and kinship with one another. Neither had ever opened up to someone that way before, because no one else would get it, but they held each other as they cried out their frustrations and desperations and feelings of utter failure and loneliness and hopelessness.

 They didn't really speak about what had happened after that but they did become nearly inseparable, much to the confusion of everyone around them, Zoe and Jared in particular.

 Connor quickly clarified, “Substance abuse wise.”

 Evan’s brow furrowed and he straightened up almost defensively. “I mean...I’ve had alcohol. Jared had some, I don't...I don't remember what he said it was but, he made me try it...and it was...uh, cool?”

 Connor sniggered quietly at the way Evan’s nose scrunched up. “You don't have to pretend to like alcohol. If you don't like it, you don't like it…” He shrugged and took another bite of pizza.

 Evan’s shoulders relaxed. “It was pretty gross.” He admitted with a small smile and Connor smirked at him.

 “It's not my drug of choice either but I figured why the hell not. Especially if it will piss off Larry. Wine is okay, especially the fancy stuff, you might like it.”

 Evan glanced back at the bottle, his eyes narrowing as he scrutinized it, then coming to realize that it was only written in Italian.

 “O-okay, I'll try it.”

 Connor grinned and reached over and slapped Evan gently on the knee. “That's the spirit.”

 Evan jumped, tensing momentarily at the sudden contact but then gave a shaky smile.

 Connor shoved the rest of the pizza into his mouth and then hopped to his feet.

 “Do you know where your mom hides the bottle opener?” Connor asked after he swallowed and started to head off towards the kitchen.

 Evan followed him with his eyes and pointed towards the kitchen. “Yeah, it's uh.. in the drawer on the left, near the fridge.”

 Connor froze and turned slowly around, his eyebrow twitching up. “In an open drawer near the fridge?”

 Evan nodded and smiled a little sheepishly, understanding Connor’s look. “She uh, knows I don't drink so she doesn't have to hide it from me.”

 “Jesus.” Connor ran a hand through his hair. “To live in your house Hansen…” He muttered and then disappeared around the corner, heading towards the kitchen.

 He found the bottle opener exactly where Evan said it would be along with several bottles of wine and various other alcohols sitting freely atop the counter.

 Connor scoffed and shook his head. The urge to snatch one was strong but he resisted - Evan was his friend and Heidi seemed to at least tolerate him - he couldn’t piss off the one family that might actually like him. He ignored the bottles and rifled through the cabinets until he found two glasses and then returned to Evan.

 He returned to find Evan once again staring at the wine bottle, nervously running his hands together, his leg bouncing up and down.

 “What's wrong?”

 Evan helped and jumped, clearly not hearing his return. His hands flew apart and pressed down against the couch, his leg still bouncing as Connor approached with an inquisitive look.

 “N-nothing!” Evan protested.

 Connor gave him a skeptical look as he once again sat beside him on the couch. “You don't have to do this you know, it was just an idea…”

 Evan’s eyes widened and he shook his head fervently, now running his hands against his thighs. “N-no, I want to! It's fine!” His voice squeaked and Connor stared, unconvinced. Evan shot him a further still unconvincing smile smile but started nodding fervently. “It's fine, it's fine.”

 “Alright…” Connor set the two glasses down and then grabbed a hold of the bottle.

 Evan jumped again as the cork popped but smiled as Connor glanced over to him. It was still not quite genuine but Connor could see the hint of excitement in his eyes.

 Connor smirked to himself and grabbed one glass, filled it about halfway and handed it to Evan.

 Evan accepted it and sniffed at it curiously while Connor poured his own glass.

 His nose twitched at the aroma and Connor watched, enthralled and amused as Evan eased the glass to his lips and took a sip.

 Evan coughed a little as the alcohol went down his throat and he stared at the wine glass, contemplating as he licked his lips.

 “It's not too bad.” He decided, turning to Connor with a smile a moment later. “P-pretty good actually.”

 Connor smirked. “Well how about that...we found Evan’s poison.”

 He extended his own glass out towards Evan and Evan stared at it a moment before smiling again and reached up to clink against his.

 “To expensive stolen wine, new vices and fucking thanksgiving.”

 Connor then took a large sip of his own drink and settled back down against the couch.

 Evan took another sip, a little more greedily but not quite as large as Connor’s and slowly relaxed back himself.

 Connor could feel Evan’s eyes on him as he drank and finally lowered the glass down, narrowing his eyes slightly.

 Evan caught his gaze and quickly looked down at his own glass and started to twist it gently between his hands.

 His thumb traces circles along the glass and he looks into the swirling red liquid as Connor went for another slice of pizza.

 “Connor...do you, uh, want to...talk about what happened?”

 Connor froze, his hand on the crust of the pizza and a dark look crossed his features as he turned to Evan. “Why the hell would I want to do that?”

 Evan shrunk into himself and Connor cursed himself for snapping at him but really, did he really have to bring it up?

 “I-I don't know. Sorry, I just thought...well, my therapist says it helps to talk about it and... sorry I know that's stupid.”

 Connor stared at him silently and Evan began to shift uncomfortably in his seat. He took another sip of wine and laughed, bitterly, and shook his head. “Sorry…”

 Connor sighed and grabbed another slice of pizza before leaning back. “It's fine, Ev, I just don't want to talk about it.”

 Evan looked up, his fingers tapping nervously against his glass and then slowly relaxed as he nodded. “O-okay, yeah, I get it.”

 Connor continued to watch him quietly, slowly taking another bite of pizza. Evan shifted again under his intense stare but smiled softly.

 Swallowing the cold pizza suddenly became hard against the sudden lump in his throat and Connor frowned.

 He shifted his gaze ahead of him, staring at the wine bottle. The expensive wine bottle that seemed to mock him just by it's presence as a representation of everything everyone expected him to be, and everything he was not.

 “My cousin is in asshole.” He said suddenly, sharply and Evan looked over to him, silent but listening.

 He laughed bitterly. “I mean my whole family are assholes but he's an exceptionally large one. He spent the whole dinner bragging about himself, his beautiful girl, his fantastic grades, he's Fifth In His Class You Know,” he said with an exaggerated snooty accent that was so unexpected Evan snorted into his wine glass and despite himself, Connor had to smirk at his reaction.

 It soon faded and he waited for Evan to compose himself before continuing with a sigh.

 “He has the opportunity to go to any damn prestigious school he wants and everyone loves him and is so proud of him and you know whatever, it's fine, I'm used to his arrogance but then it came to me. And he basically said I would be nothing but a no good stoner for the rest of my life and, he's not wrong but…”

 “Yes he is.” Evan’s voice was so quiet he barely heard it over his own slowly burning rage and self hatred but Evan’s voice did cut through like warm fire and he stopped and turned to him.

 Evan stared at him seriously, inching closer.

 “He is wrong, Connor. You’re-you’re not...that's not all..." Evan paused, pressing his lips together, finding frustration in searching for his words, “You are so much more than that.”

 “Oh, really,” Connor scoffed, his face screwing up in self-loathing, “what am I?”

 Evan suddenly grew nervous, using one hand to fiddle with the ends of his shirt. “You're smart.” He said and Connor laughed out loud, only quieting at Evan’s serious frown. “I know you are, Connor. We-we may have really only known each other for a few months but

...we’ve been going to school together for...for years and I've seen you and you know things! Like, uh,...like remember just last week in the library, you knew the answer to a math question that even Jared couldn't get.”

 Connor’s brow furrowed and he frowned but said nothing. He did remember that and thought nothing of it. Well he thought Jared was an idiot but math had always come easy to him - he only failed classes because he didn’t do any of the work.

 “And I know you care...about things and people, even though you don't like to show it. I mean...you’re the only one who seems to give a crap about me. And I've seen your, uh...doodles on your work at school and you’re very talented and...well...they’re stupid, okay? Your family I mean! They're just stupid and wrong about you and I think you're great so…” Evan finally trailed off and looked down and he rubbed his hands against his jeans.

 Connor stared at him, his heart thudding painfully against his chest. That had to be one of the nicest things anyone had said to or about him in years.

 I think you’re great.

 Connor took a deep breath. Connor wasn't good with compliments. Giving or receiving. So he wasn't sure what the hell to do with that.

 “I'm not drunk enough for this shit.” He muttered as he reached for the bottle and poured himself another glass. He nearly downed the whole thing and then let out a breath as the alcohol burned pleasantly through his body. “Look can we...not do this?” He inclined his head toward Evan but didn’t dare look at him.

 Evan looked up, eyes wide and nodded quickly. “Yeah, yeah sure of course. I’m sorry... I just…I just wanted to...”

 “I know what you were trying to do...and….thanks but...I can’t.”

 “O-okay, we’ll just drop it.”

 “Thanks.”

 Evan nodded, watching Connor carefully. Connor sighed and pulled his knees up to his chest. It was a little awkward on Evan’s smaller sized couch but he was thin enough to manage to stay comfortable.

 He could feel Evan’s eyes on him and his jaw tensed but he kept his eyes ahead of him, trying not to focus on Evan but on the television.

 He stared blankly at the screen, his mind drifting.

 Connor furrorwed his brow as he finally focused on what was on screen - a camera panned almost dramatically across a large forest. “What the hell are you watching, Hansen?”

 Evan ducked his head but smiled abashedly, his face lighting up. “It's called uh, Call of the Forest and it's all about the forests all across the Northern Hemisphere and how they are preserved and how old they are, they are ancient you know?, and how, uh, basically trees and forests are the key to reversing climate change and are  ...what?”

 Connor knew he was smirking at him but he couldn't stop it if he wanted to. The wine was just starting to kick in and Evan was almost a different person when he was talking about trees - almost relaxed and carefree. Connor wished he was that passionate about something.

 Connor snorted a laugh, shaking his head. “You are such a dork, Ev.”

 Evan froze and Connor thought maybe he had gone too far - he tried not to insult Evan - and he didn't mean to come off insulting. It wasn't an insult, not in his mind. He didn't give a shit about trees and he’d rather do literally almost anything other than watch a documentary on them but he somehow didn’t mind watching Evan talking about it.

 Then Evan flushed, looked down and rubbed at his jeans. “Yeah, I know…”

 “Relax.” He leaned over and gave Evan a playful, gentle shove on the arm and Evan winced for a second before laughing nervously and Connor realized telling Evan to relax was like telling the sun not to set. “It’s fine - you’ve got an interest, maybe it is weird as all hell but its an interest. Though no offense dude, its not mine so…” He looked pointedly at the television.

 Evan looked up and nodded quickly. “We can change it...its fine...I, uh...don’t know…” He furrowed his brow and inched his way towards the edge of the couch, searching frantically on the table for the remote.

 He finally found it buried underneath some napkins and presented it to Connor with a nervous smile like it was some sort of priceless jewel.

 “Thanks…” Connor drawled, smirking as he slowly reached over to take it from him.

 He flicked through a couple of channels as Evan scooted back against the couch, cradling his glass of wine between his hands, his eyes intently focused on the quickly changing channels.

 Eventually Connor let out a frustrated sigh at finding nothing good to watch and he glared heavily at the football game playing on the screen.

 “You like sports?” He asked Evan and Evan shook his head.

 “N-no...not really.”

 “Me neither.” His eyes narrowed at the screen and they sat in silence for a few long moments.

   Finally, Connor turned to Evan.

 “You've got video games or something?”

 ---

 Fifteen minutes later, Connor was squatting on the couch cushion, propped up on the balls of his feet, with Evan on the floor, both fully invested in the one game Evan had managed to find.

 Evan didn't really have too many video games, it was mostly Jared who liked to play them and who brought them over and forced Evan to play them. He usually left with them but had left behind Mario Kart on his last visit.

 “Ah, shit, what the hell Hansen…” Connor growled as Evan overtook him and Evan grinned, his lips pursed, his brow furrowed in concentration. The wine and the fun of the game had started to relax him.

 Connor shifted his weight to his toes, leaning forward as he focused on catching up to Evan. He remained just on Evan’s trail but Evan ended up finishing the race.

 Connor sighed dramatically, falling back onto the couch while Evan grinned triumphantly, shooting Connor a look over his shoulder.

 “How the hell are you this good?” Connor asked, leaning in toward Evan. “I thought you didn't play.”

 Evan shrugged, still smiling. “I play. Well, I play this one. Jared left it here months ago and never asked for it back. I only play when I'm really bored and I'm home by myself a lot so I get really bored a lot…”

 Connor narrowed his eyes. “Fine.” He snatched up the controller. “Best two out of three?”

 Evan nodded, returning confidently to the screen. Connor scooted to the edge of the couch and they were off again.

 Rounds later, Connor had won a few but Evan remained reigning champion and Connor threw his controlled down in defeat “Fine, I give up! Tree Boy wins the game.”

 Evan smiled as Connor glared pathetically. “Don't be a sore loser.”

 Connor’s brow lifted at Evan’s sudden boldness. Evan only continued to grin at him, place the controller down and twisted around to face him.

 “You're the sore loser.” Connor muttered back, crossing his arms and hid a smirk as Evan chuckled.

 “I didn't lose.”

 Connor tossed a pillow, hitting Evan in the shoulder. “Shut up.”

 Evan grabbed the pillow and tucked it under his arms and to his chest, still smiling to himself.  

 “You want a rematch?”

 “And have you kick my ass again? No thanks. Let's just turn on the tv or something.”

 Evan nodded and grabbed the remote off the table before he crawled back up onto the couch, settling himself back in his corner.

 Evan turned off the game and turned on Netflix and after a little bit of arguing - well suggestions made from Evan and Connor groaning at nearly every one and Evan visibly wincing at some of Connor’s suggestions- they finally decided on some comedy movie that neither of them had seen.

 Before the movie started, Connor had gone rummaging throughout kitchen to look for more food and came back with a bowl of popcorn.

 They settled back onto the couch, a blanket spread across their laps with the popcorn bowl between them.

 Both had long since relaxed, the video game and the consumption of wine releasing most of the pent up tension, especially in Connor. The wine even seemed to help Evan relax a little bit more than usual.

 So as the movie started, they both relaxed into the couch and got lost in the script and the comedy. Connor was laughing for the first time in...he couldn't even remember when he had had a real laugh.

 At some point in the movie, Connor could feel Evans eyes practically burning a hole in his head. When he glanced his way he found Evan’s cheeks slightly flushed from the alcohol, and a happy, little relaxed smile on his lips. Connor raised an eyebrow at him and shifted in his seat, pulling his knee up to his chest under the blanket.

 “What?” he nearly snapped.

 “I’m really glad you’re here, Connor.”

 Both eyebrows shot into his hairline and Evan only continued to smile at him, a little more shyly.

 “And... I-I have to say, even if it's stupid, which, it is, of course, because it's me...but... it's thanksgiving and my mom always said to...to try and think of something you’re thankful for and I really never could because,” He shrugged, “What do I have to be thankful for?”

 Connor’s stomach dropped at the painful reminder of how alike he and Evan were in that way and he frowned and pulled his leg closer to his body.

 “But uh...I do now, I think because I’m thankful that you’re here so...yeah.”

 Connor stared at him silently and Evan quickly shot his gaze down to his lap, tapping his legs nervously, slowly starting to shake his head.

 “Damn Hansen….” Connor croaked out a few seconds later and Evan looked up slowly. “How much did you drink?”

 Evan flushed pink and laughed a little. “I didn’t...not that much…” He glanced at his nearly empty glass of wine which he had in fact abandoned after their video game match. “I mean it though, Connor. I was going to be alone, again, and then you showed up and I’ve had a lot of fun. More fun than I’ve had in ages so...thank you...for coming over.”

 Looking at Evan, seeing the light in his eyes, Connor could see that he did mean it. Deep down, Connor always thought maybe Evan was afraid of him, felt pressured to hang out with him when he didn’t really want to. In reality, Evan was the only one who seemed to truly like him, to genuinely want to be with him for no other reason than friendship.

 “Thanks for letting me in.” Connor said with a half shrug, trying not to let on how much it actually meant that someone wanted him to stay instead of always kicking him out or at the very least making it clear he was not wanted.

 Connor wasn't good with emotions. Except anger, that one he excelled at. No, it was the good emotions, the emotions that put a weird warm tingle in his belly that he didn't know what the hell to do with.

 He actually was grateful he had somewhere to go that wasn’t a cold park, where he would be free from judgement and could actually just be himself. No it was more than that, it was a relief. A near overwhelming relief once he thought about it. As if one ton of the two ton weight he constantly carried on his shoulders had been lifted.

 After a few moments of silence, desperate to break the sudden moment of vulnerability, he reached into the bowl between them, grabbed a piece of popcorn and flicked it at Evan’s forehead.

 Evan jumped and blinked quickly while Connor grinned and hid a laugh against his knee. He lifted his head a second later, “No more of that emotional shit, alright?”

 Evan’s face softened and he laughed. “Alright.” He agreed and seemed to debate with himself for a moment. Then he also picked up a piece of popcorn and tossed it at Connor, which landed in his hair.

 Connor’s eyes narrowed playfully as he picked the popcorn out of his hair and stared Evan down as he popped it into his mouth.

 Evan snickered quietly, his lips pressed together tightly. He then laughed aloud, shielding himself with the pillow as Connor reached into the bowl to grab a handful and threw it at him.

 Evan peeked out hesitantly from above the pillow and the sight made Connor laugh aloud. Unable to resist, he grinned mischievously and threw yet another handful at Evan.

 After a few more rounds of popcorn throwing, mostly from Connor as Evan hid strategically behind the pillow that sent most of the popcorn to the floor, they finally settled back to rewatch the movie.

 Evan mumbled something about having to rewind because they had missed so much of the movie and Connor blamed Evan for it with a smirk, whilst getting one more popcorn throw in.

 Once the movie had resumed playing, they both retreated to their separate corners of the couch to quietly continue the movie.

 Connor had slumped against the armrest, using his arm as a pillow while his long legs propped up on the table. Across from him, Evan had curled his legs up beside him, still cuddling the pillow to his chest as he rested his head back against the couch.

 It was the sudden slam of a car door a little while later that finally broke the tranquil peace the movie had put them into.

 “Mom’s home.” Evan muttered in acknowledgement, drowsy from the last remnants of the alcohol in his system and Connor grunted quietly.

 Then his eyes widened and he quickly shot up as Connor lazily lifted his head, his brow furrowing.

 “Oh shit, my mom’s home.” Evan squeaked and Connor sat up as panic quickly spread over the other boy’s face. His whole body tensed and his breathing started to become quick and labored as his eyes zeroed in on the wine bottle on the table.

 Connor reached over and placed his hand on Evan’s knee. “Hey, Ev, it's okay...I got this.” He moved quickly and snatched the bottle of wine off the table, shoved the cork back in the top, and shoved it between his legs and recovered his lap with the blanket.

 Evan let out another short wheeze of panic and Connor finished the job by grabbing the two glasses and shoving them to the floor beside the couch, out of any immediate site.

 He turned back to Evan who only seemed to grow worse and now trembled in his seat.

 “Shit...Ev, hey, look at me.” Connor leaned in towards him, trying to catch his attention and Evan looked to him, wide-eyed. “Breathe, Evan, come on...the wine’s gone, she won’t know.”

 Evan looked around quickly, surveying the scene of the living room before him, filled with half eaten pizzas and bits of popcorn but no clear evidence of any alcohol.

 He took in a shaky deep breath, held it for a few seconds and then let it out slowly.

 He jumped again, shooting back against the couch, trying to appear relaxed and casual as the keys jangled in the door and pushed open a few seconds later.

 “Evan, honey?” Heidi Hansen’s voice called into the house

 “In here.” Evan called out, his voice still shaky and he cleared his throat, shaking his head. Connor pushed himself back into his corner of the couch, trying to appear as casual as possible, something he was rather an expert at, while keeping an eye on Evan.

 “I know I’m late, honey and I’m sorry but I brought you some - oh…” She suddenly appeared in the doorway and froze as she caught sight of Connor sitting beside Evan on the couch.

 “H-Hi Mom.” Evan forced a small smile to his lips and glanced over his shoulder to Connor, then back to his mother. “You, uh - remember Connor Murphy?”

 Heidi blinked in surprise for another moment but then a slow smile spread across her lips. “Yes, yes of course. Hello Connor.”

 “Hey.” Connor greeted, curt but friendly enough.

 Heidi shifted her bag over her shoulder, her eyes scanning the room, taking in the mess, and the TV still on and playing the movie and her smile widened as she looked back the boys. “I didn’t know you were coming over. Of course you are always welcome here but it's thanksgiving, shouldn't you be with your family?”

 A dark look quickly flickered over Connor’s face but he quickly steeled his expression and shrugged. “My family dinner ended early. I knew Evan was alone today so I thought I’d keep him company.”

 A flicker of pain flashed across Heidi’s tired eyes but as Evan’s forced smile faded into a more genuine and soft smile she also smiled.

 “Well that was very thoughtful of you, Connor.”

 Connor’s face twitched and quickly shifted a look to Evan.

 His body was tense and he fiddled mercilessly with the blanket on his lap. A nervous behavior that would have given anyone else’s guilty conscience away but Heidi seemed to suspect nothing of her anxiety-ridden son.

  “Well,” Heidi took another look at the room, “I can see you found the pizza, that’s good...and the popcorn too apparently, but incase you boys are still hungry I brought home some turkey and all the fixings.” She lifted a large plastic bag. “There was a potluck at the hospital - lots of food so, if you want it…”

 “Thanks, Mom.” Evan said quickly. “We’re kind of full though…”

 “Okay.” Heidi said, still smiling awkwardly. “Well it will be in the kitchen if you want it. I’m just gonna go change...you guys enjoy your movie.”

 Heidi’s gaze lingered on them a moment longer and then she disappeared around the hall.

 Evan held his breath, waiting until her footsteps quieted and then let out a loud, heavy breath and glanced over to Connor. “Do you think she knows we were drinking?”

 Connor’s lips twitched. “She will if you say it any louder, dude.”

 Evan’s eyes widened and he sealed his lips tightly together.

 “It's fine, I don’t think she knows anything. You’re definitely not drunk, Hansen.”

 Evan frowned and a funny look crossed over his face. He slowly drew his knees up to his chest. “I think I'm gonna be sick.” He muttered and dropped his forehead to his knees.

 Connor raised his brow and very much doubted it. “If you puke I'm leaving.” He deadpanned.

 Evan groaned quietly. Then he spoke, his voice heavily muffled by his legs. “You have nowhere else to go.”

 Evan probably didn't mean it the way he said it but the cold, harsh reality hit Connor like the cold stab of winter air. “Ouch.”

 Evan slowly lifted his head, his eyes widening in horror. He did look a little pale and clammy. “Ohmygod. Connor, I am so sorry I didn't mean..”

 “You did and you're not wrong. I don't have anywhere else to go.” He turned away from Evan, staring blankly ahead to the TV that was still playing. His hair fell in front of his face and he didn't bother brushing it out of the way. “Fuck knows I don't want to go back to that house.”

 Evan was quiet but he could feel his eyes on him. The beginnings of rage once again began to squeeze around his heart until finally Evan said,

 “You could stay here.”

 Connor slowly turned back to him and Evan gave him a small smile, his cheek now resting on his knees. “For tonight, I mean.”

 Connor lifted a single brow. Was Evan really offering a sleepover?

 “Your mom would be cool with that?” He briefly wondered why he actually cared about that.

 Evan shrugged. “She won't mind...I don't think. Not if we don't wake her up or anything.”

 “Okay...cool. Thanks.” He tried to play it off casually but he couldn't deny the relief he felt of not having to go back to the scolding he would no doubt receive as soon as he walked in the door. He could at least delay it for another day and hopefully Larry would be too hungover to really yell.

 He felt a hard knot in the pit of his stomach at the reminder of the family he had left behind - and what they would do when they discovered he was gone.

 As far as they were concerned he was still in his room but his mom would probably come to check on him after everyone had left. It was always his mom - with a soft, sad, pleading voice asking if he was hungry and then following it up with a sigh.

 He sure as hell didn’t want them blowing up his phone all night with texts and calls demanding that he come home.

 For that reason alone, he groaned and pulled out his phone to text Zoe.

 To: Zoe

 I'm staying at Evan’s. Tell mom.

 Almost immediately he received the reply.

 From: Zoe

 So you did leave? Wtf Connor. They're gonna kill you.

 He scoffed and Evan glanced up at him, his brow furrowing curiously. Connor shook his head, dismissing him.

 To: Zoe

 Great. Let them.

 “Your mom?”

 Connor barked a laugh and shook his head. “No. Zoe.”

 “Oh.”

 Connor glanced sideways as Evan’s voice shot up. Evan was staring down at his knees but his cheeks were stained a light pink and Connor rolled his eyes.

 He had not forgotten Evan’s letter- he would never forget Evan’s letter- but the words about Zoe in particular had seared themselves rather unfortunately to his brain. Of course his only friend would have a weird crush on his sister.

 Fortunately, whether  he was smart enough not to, or just too shy, Evan never discussed his feelings for her in front of him.

 He did however flush red and became even more twitchy when Zoe met up with them at school. Zoe was friendly to him and Evan had become a little better at talking to her but it was still almost painfully awkward to watch.

 He shoved his phone back into his pocket and decided to ignore it for the rest of the night. It clanked noisily against the wine bottle that was still tucked in his lap. He hastily removed it and tucked it against the side of the couch next to the glasses.

 Then he threw himself roughly against the back of the couch, startling Evan and causing him to look over to him inquisitively.

 Connor ignored the look and instead focused on the tv to where the credits were rolling accompanied by some highly obnoxious rock music. “Movie’s over.”

 “Yeah.” Evan said quietly. Connor noticed he did not complain about them missing parts of the movie this time. Still, he clicked back a few scenes or two and Evan’s face lit up a in a small smile that made it worth it.

 They sat through the end of the movie, Evan slowly starting to relax again, his legs uncurling as he rested back.

 As soon as the end scene played and it flickered back to the obnoxious credits, Connor returned to the home menu and flipped through the other movie choices until he found another one that looked halfway decent. He made a low, questioning noise in the back of throat, half-heartedly asking Evan’s approval.

 Evan grunted noncommittally in reply and Connor shrugged and hit play before tossing the remote to the table.

 He frowned as he shifted his tall body around on the small couch trying to find a comfortable position. Eventually his legs ended up propped back up on the table as his body slumped into the couch, his shoulder and head rested against the armrest.

 Around halfway through the next movie, Connor felt Evan’s foot brush against his upper thigh and his chest tightened at the unexpected contact. Then Evan’s foot continued to travel back and gently tried to squeeze in the space between the couch and his ass.

 “What the fuck are you doing, Hansen?”

 At the lack of response or further movement from Evan, he frowned and lifted his head and glanced over to him.

 Evan was fast asleep, one leg stretched out while the other was curled up at the knee. His head lolled against the back of the couch, the pillow still tucked under his chin.

 If wine helped relax Evan, then sleep was even better judging by the smile on his face and the complete lack of tension in his body. Connor had never seen him like that, he wasn’t even sure Evan could fully relax.

 For that reason alone, he dare not wake him. Connor scoffed at himself and his sudden thoughtfulness - but he knew better than anyone sleep could be an escape. Sometimes it was plagued by nightmares but most of the time if he was asleep he didn’t hurt and it must have been that way for Evan too. He rested his head back against the arm of the couch, trying to gently shifted around Evan’s foot digging into his back without waking him.

 He continued to watch the movie, allowing himself for once to not dwell on his dark thoughts that hung over his life like a permanent raincloud, but to enjoy the stupid simplicity of a comedy, even allowing the occasional genuine chuckle or two.

 After a while, Connor felt the rumble of hunger in his stomach and remembered the food Heidi had said was in the kitchen.

 He lifted his head and threw another glance to Evan who was still sound asleep. Slowly and carefully so not to wake Evan he got to his feet. Evan’s foot twitched and then so did his face but he only snuggled further into the pillow. Connor covered his exposed foot with the blanket and shook his head and then headed for the kitchen.

 He froze in the doorway, his heart leaping to his throat as he saw Heidi sitting alone in the dim kitchen, pushing around her fork on her barely eaten plate.

 He was about to turn and leave, sacrificing his hunger for the avoidance of an awkward encounter with Evan’s mom, when Heidi lifted her head and noticed him.

 Her face softened at once when she saw him and she gave a small little smile. “Connor, hi. Are you hungry?”

 Connor stared at her silently for a moment but his momentary panic had ebbed at her welcoming gaze. He nodded and took a hesitant step into the kitchen.  

 It was so different than his own - small, a little messy and Heidi sitting with a smile, yet he still expected a reprimand, as always when he tried to sneak into the kitchen to grab a late dinner.  

 “Come in,” Heidi gave him an encouraging wave, “Please, help yourself.”

 He continued to walk inside, feeling abnormally tall and awkward in the small kitchen with Evan’s short mother, who, hunched over in her lonely chair, seemed even smaller.

 “Thanks.” He muttered as Heidi pushed a stack of two plates toward him as he approached the table.

 He silently grabbed the first plate and purposefully avoided Heidi’s gaze as he grabbed a fork and stuck it into the styrofoam container of turkey.

 “Would you make a plate for Evan too?” Heidi asked quietly and Connor tensed further. “I...I’m not sure how much he has eaten today but he usually... doesn't. He likes Turkey though.”

 “He’s asleep.” Connor said cooly.

 “Oh.”

 She said nothing more but Connor grabbed a few more pieces of turkey with his fork and placed it onto the other plate and Heidi let out a small audible sigh of relief.

 Connor felt a small ache in his chest. Maybe she wasn't around as much as Evan would have liked but at least she cared.

 The silence was almost painfully awkward. Connor could feel Heidi watching him and he quickly hurried through scooping the various sides onto his plate, desperate to escape.

 “Are you alright, Connor?”

 The question was so sudden and said with such gentle affection that Connor froze, his breath catching in his chest.

 No, he wasn't alright, he hadn't been alright in years. He forgot what alright felt like.  It was a stupid question to ask but Heidi asked it with such genuine concern that he avoided his usual snarky remark.

 He slowly lifted his head and his chest tightened at the way she was looking at him with genuine concern in her sad, gentle eyes.

 He kept his face stoic, blank. He could not allow himself to show emotion in front of Evan’s mom.

 “Fine.” He said shortly and Heidi pressed her brow together in a way that reminded him of Evan.

 She clearly did not believe him but didn’t push it further, only smiled, a small sad smile at the corner of her mouth, and nodded.

 Connor quickly turned back to his food and scooped one last spoonful of mashed potatoes onto Evan’s plate and then grabbed both plates and two forks.

 “Uh...thanks for the food.” He muttered quickly, hastily looking up to her to only briefly, awkwardly make eye contact, and then as she nodded in acknowledgement he turned and headed out of the room.

 “Connor?”

 He froze in the doorway and closed his eyes tightly, resisting a sigh - he had almost made it out of there. He turned halfway around to look over his shoulder to acknowledge her.

 She was smiling sadly. “I just wanted to thank you...for coming over and being here with Evan. I…” She sighed and closed her eyes and Connor tensed uncomfortably, suddenly itching to escape as Heidi became emotional. She shook her head slowly. “My shift ran later than I thought and I hate to leave him alone for too long. So I’m just glad that he has a friend. I didn’t really think he had friends - other than Jared.”

 Friend.

 A word that has been lost to Connor a long time ago. He couldn't even remember the last time he had a friend. All of his friends, before Evan, were not even friends but people who needed an escape just as badly as he did. Just a little bit of company while they all lost the world. They didn’t speak to each other when they weren’t high, except to plan a deal maybe.

 To Connor that had been friendship, because that was all he had known.

 Then there was Evan. Then there was understanding and acceptance. Then there was video games and stupid movies and popcorn fights. Then there was a tiny bit of light that was beginning to crack through the darkness.

 Frankly, Connor thought he was a horrible influence, a shitty friend and just an overall bad person, and that Evan deserved much better but he was too much of a selfish asshole to let him go. Fortunately for him, Evan was just as desperate for a friend, and for some reason actually seemed to like him.

 They were one hell of a pair, the two of them. An unlikely pair to everyone, including them but somehow it worked. Connor didn’t really care how or why - just that it did.

 Connor wasn’t sure what the hell to say to her - there were those pesky and confusing as all hell good emotions again.

 “Uh...yeah...no problem.” He eventually settled on, then before she could say anything else he muttered another thanks, holding up the plates and then turned on his heel and left the room.

 He walked quickly back to the living room, desperate to get as far away from that awkward situation as soon as possible.

 The dim lighting of the room, the silence from the couch where Evan still slept and the buzzing of the tv as the movie continued to play, gave him at least a little bit of comfort. The room, the scene had become familiar, his safe haven.

 He walked around to his side of the couch and was vaguely amused to find that Evan had not moved a single inch. If not for the gentle, rhythmic up and down of his chest, he could have almost been dead. Connor shook off the weird, uncomfortable tightening in his chest at the thought.

 Connor placed down Evan’s plate on the table, knowing it wouldn’t be touched despite Heidi’s hopes and then carefully settled back down onto his side of the couch with his own plate.

 He ate most of what was on the plate. He was more hungry than he realized, despite having eaten most of Evan’s pizza. The popcorn had mostly ended up on the floor and he had barely eaten at that disastrous meal at home. He didn’t have an appetite then - being forced to listen to Cousin Joe’s Greatness was nauseating.

 Fully satiated by the delicious, albeit slightly cold, meal, he slumped back against the couch to continue watching the movie.

 He made it through that one and half of another, only being distracted by Evan’s occasional snort in his sleep and Heidi moving around in the kitchen.

 His eyes finally growing heavy, he lifted his head to glance over to Evan. He had moved only slightly, his back flat against the couch cushions as he clutched the pillow tightly to his chest. There was the tiniest bit of room beside him and carefully so as not to kick Evan in the face, Connor moved to stretch out his legs across the couch in the space left.

 Connor Murphy was a great deal of things but graceful was not one of them.His attempts at moving slowly were not successful and he cursed under his breath as he ended up nudging Evan’s shoulder with his shin.

 Evan let out a small, sleepy groan, his whole body growing rigid. His brow furrowed, his lips pursing into a frown as he turned his head toward the disturbance.

 “Mom?” He mumbled and Connor discovered that Evan’s voice when thick with sleep was much deeper.

 “Not even close.”

 Evan blinked his eyes open in surprise, as if he had forgotten he was there. “Connor?”

 “Yeah. Bunch up.” Connor nudged him again. “Did anyone ever tell you you're a couch hog?”

 “No?” He scrunched up his face in drowsy confusion. “I never slept on the couch with another person.”

 He watched with groggy, squinted eyes as Connor shifted around trying to get comfortable.

 “Especially not one so...”

 “So what?” Connor prompted, giving him a look.

 “Tall? You're really tall.”

 Connor huffed. “No shit.”

 Evan grunted as Connor shifted and  kneed him again, this time in the side. Evan scooted up and shot him a vague look of irritation. “You did that on purpose.” He muttered.

 Connor smirked. “You were in the way.”

 “I’m always in the way.” Evan muttered under his breath and tightened his arms to his chest, attempt to make more room for Connor’s long legs. He grunted and groaned, making accompanying scrunchy faces until he finally fell back onto the couch and stopped moving with a hard sigh.

 “That can't be comfortable.” Connor noted as he observed Evan curled in on himself, packed like a sardine between him and the couch.

 “W-We’re two teenage boys trying to fit together on a small couch...what about that says it would be comfortable?”

 Connor shrugged. “I've slept in worse places.”

 Evan frowned and lifted his head but thankfully didn't ask. The last thing Connor wanted was to get into that conversation.

 “Loosen up a bit, Ev. Go back to sleep.”

 At that Evan yawned and once again attempted to shift his position on the couch. This time Evan was the one to elbow Connor in the shin and they both winced as bone met bone.

 “Sorry.” Evan muttered genuinely and Connor rolled his eyes.

 Finally, Evan turned partially onto his side, his back pressed against the back of the couch and his pillow now sandwiched between him and Connor’s leg to act as a cushion.

 His legs were stiff and awkward, stretched out beside Connor. Connor was partially propped up against the armrest, his height making it impossible to even attempt to squish fully onto the couch like Evan.

 He pulled his hood back over his head, acting as some kind of pillow and folded his arms tight across his chest.

 He had indeed slept in worse places and while it wasn’t the most comfortable place in the world, he wasn’t about to complain. At least it was warm.

 It had just gone quiet again and Connor had just closed his eyes when Evan started to wiggle beside him.

 Connor tensed and froze, waiting for him to settle down. He frowned as Evan’s hand started to move between them, his fingers twitching, searching for something.

 “Evan, what the hell.” He growled lowly, opening his eyes just a crack to peer at him.

 “Sorry, I just...I want to…” Evan’s hand flapped around some more until he finally grabbed a hold of the blanket that was trapped under them. With a force the nearly knocked Connor off the couch, forcing him to think quick and grab a hold of Evan’s leg just to keep himself up, Evan lifted the blanket.

 Connor swore and Evan froze, staring at him like a deer in headlights. Connor shot him a light glare and Evan winced as Connor’s fingers dug into his leg as he pulled himself back up.

 As Connor straightened himself up, finally releasing his vice grip on Evan’s leg, Evan slowly gave him a sheepish smile.

 Connor simply grunted and frowned at him, scrunching deeper against the couch and closing his eyes.

 Connor let out a slow, deep breath as Evan slowly began shifting again.

 He opened his eyes a moment later when he felt the warmth of the blanket fall over his lap. He watched as Evan settled himself back down, adjusted the pillow back against in the space between their bodies, and then fixed the blanket so it could cover them both as equally as possible.

 Then finally he settled with his hands on his lap over the blanket.

 “Are you done?” Connor asked dryly, the corners of his lips twitching up despite himself.

 “Yes.” Evan mumbled and gave one final wiggle. “Sorry.”

 “Don’t apologize.” Connor said with a soft sigh and closed his eyes as he settled back with a yawn. “Just don’t knock me off the fucking couch again.”

 “Okay. Sor…” He cut himself off and cleared his throat and they both fell into silence.

 “Goodnight.” Evan muttered so low it was like he barely said it at all but Connor had heard it.

 He grunted quietly and tightened his arms further to his chest. “‘Night, Hansen.”

 Within minutes Evan was asleep again but Connor did not find sleep so easily. His eyes were heavy and he could feel the edges of sleep trying to pull him in but he simply was not getting there as fast as he would like.

 He wasn’t sure how long he was there, just barely awake, hanging onto the edges of consciousness.

 He realized, as he lay there with the warmth and comfort of Evan pressed up beside him, that he had made the right decision in coming there tonight instead of acting on his destructive instincts. This friendship thing was actually a pretty good feeling. He didn’t really have a lot to be thankful for, his shitty life didn’t provide that for him, but with Evan he could at least now be grateful for something.

  ~~

“When you’re falling in a forest and when you hit the ground,

all you need is for somebody to find you.”

~~

[isthatbloodonhisshirt]

Illegal

Sterek A-Z Challenge: Illegal

Stiles had grown accustomed to hearing many sounds throughout his life living in Beacon Hills. He was used to the cars, and the screaming children. Screaming adults. Roaring. Howling. Agonized cries of terror. Evil cackling of murderous druids. Shuffling steps of the walking dead.

Okay, that took a wrong turn, but point was! Stiles was used to hearing many things living in Beacon Hills, and he was fairly familiar with most of them.

What he was not used to, was hearing a loud bang at his window that had him jerk into an upright position in bed, and then muttered cursing from outside.

Turning bleary eyes towards his window, he let out an annoyed sigh and rubbed at his face with one hand, throwing the covers off himself with the other.

“Scotty. I told you. Mountain Ash barrier is still up. If you need to talk to me, that’s what cell phones are for.” He reached the window and wrenched it open, leaning out so he could stare down at the pile of limbs on his front lawn, where the werewolf had fallen after his failed attempt at entering Stiles’ house. “Besides, if dad’s on the night shift, the doorbell works, too. You don’t need to—”

The words died in his throat when the face that looked up at him did not belong to Scott.

Derek Hale.

Derek Hale was standing in his front yard, looking constipated and angry, as per usual. His movements were slow and careful when he got to his feet, like he’d hurt himself falling off the roof, but he just straightened out his jacket and scowled up at Stiles.

His chest ached at the sight of him, at having Derek be here. Right here, in front of his house. Having attempted to climb in through his window, like he’d used to do back when things had been... different.

Back before he’d upped and left without a fucking word to anyone.

Stiles clenched his hands into fists against the sill, being sure not to disturb the line of powder that was currently stopping Derek from entering his house.

“That’s breaking and entering, you know,” he muttered, struggling to keep his voice steady, despite his heart slamming against his ribs like it was trying to escape his chest. “You ever hear of a door?”

Derek just stared up at him, still scowling, like it was Stiles’ fault he’d gotten hurt. Like it was Stiles’ fault he’d been gone so long that he’d started putting Mountain Ash around the house to keep it safe from unwanted guests!

Really?! How was it Derek was back all of five seconds and already Stiles had pissed him off just for existing?! Well, no. Not this time. This time, Stiles was going to be pissed at Derek. Oh yeah! This was a thing now! This was a thing that was happening!

“Come back during regular business hours, I’m closed for the night.”

Stiles slammed the window shut, hastily checking the Mountain Ash line to make sure he hadn’t displaced any.

He hadn’t.

Nodding, satisfied, he turned and headed back to bed, crawling under the covers and turning his back on his window just as he heard something shifting on his roof. Derek was still muttering curses under his breath, and Stiles could hear him trying to get the window open, but failing miserably because the Mountain Ash was too close to the sill.

“Stiles, let me in.”

“No, I’m sleeping,” he replied stubbornly, throwing the blanket over his head in an attempt to prove his point.

“Stiles.” Derek was using The Tone. The one that said, “I’m exasperated right now, and really wish you weren’t so stubborn, but using this tone usually makes you give up and do what I say so I’ll keep using it until you do as I say.”

Well not this time! Oh no! No sirree!

“Let me in, now.”

“Or what?” Stiles threw the blankets off himself and turned, glaring over his shoulder at Derek. “You’ll disappear on me again? Go right ahead! See if I care!”

He did care. A lot. But he was also determined to stay mad, so he just flipped Derek the bird and turned his back on him again, pulling the covers over his head once more.

During all the bullshit with the Beserkers and Kate and almost killing Scott and Derek becoming a wolf... during all that bullshit, Stiles knew things would change. After Derek hadn’t died, Stiles had kind of had a lapse in judgement and crushed him into a hug.

That had turned into making out somehow, which he tried not to think about because Scott had looked crossed between horrified and betrayed. Braeden had looked defeated, like she’d known she was a replacement for someone, and had finally realized Derek was into dicks, which she was severely lacking.

Or, Stiles thought she was severely lacking. He would be the first to admit he didn’t know what Braeden had in her pants. Maybe she had both a dick and a vagina, who knew?

Well, Derek, but he was getting off-track on why he was mad!

The making out had happened, and it had been great. So had the mind-blowing sex that had followed. If Stiles had known all this time that Derek had wanted to jump his bones, he would’ve been a lot more annoying until the other snapped and he finally got laid. Because damn. Just damn.

And then Stiles had woken up the next morning. Alone. Naked. In Derek’s loft.

To a note.

A fucking note.

All it said was he was leaving with Braeden. That was it. No heartfelt goodbye. No ‘thanks for everything.’ Not even any comment whatsoever on how he felt or what Stiles was meant to be thinking. No, just a fucking note that literally said:

Stiles. Going hunting with Braeden. Take care of Scott. Derek.

And Derek thought he could just fucking throw himself back through Stiles’ window like he’d been gone for two hours instead of sixteen fucking months?! Oh hell no! Stiles wasn’t taking that! No, he was not someone to fuck with.

Derek Hale was pretty, and amazing in bed, and his stubble was so fucking awesome and Stiles wanted to rub his hands all over it and—focus!—but none of that mattered! None of that amazing Derek Hale-ness was going to save him from being pointedly ignored!

Stiles was sleeping! This was what sleep looked like. Here and now. Sleeping. So much sleeping.

“Stiles, let me in. Now.”

“Sleeping!” See? Stiles knew what he was doing. Sleeping.

“We need to talk.”

“Go away before I throw wolfsbane at you and you fall off my roof again!”

“Stiles.” He was using The Tone again.

Stiles just shifted his pillow and curled it around his head so it would block out Derek’s low timbre that was doing way too many things to his body, what the fuck.

He stayed like that for a good twenty minutes, unable to sleep. It was hard resisting the urge to roll over and see if Derek was still there, but somehow, he managed. He just kept glaring at his wall, determined to be pissed and unwilling to speak to him.

Childish, perhaps, but when had Derek ever been known to speak to people? He just did that thing with his eyebrows, scowled, glared, injured and then disappeared for sixteen months. Because apparently that was what Derek Hale did. Like a giant werewolf asshole.

Stiles practically propelled out of bed, heart slamming in his chest, when his phone rang shrilly. It took his disoriented brain a few seconds to figure out what was going on, because it was bright out, his roof was devoid of any lurking werewolves, and he had no idea why his phone was ringing some random country tune instead of its usual default setting. He was betting on his dad. He had a terrible sense of humour.

“Hello?” Stiles asked, half his body lying on the floor, the other half on his bed. He must’ve fallen asleep somewhere between hating Derek and wanting to drag him into the bedroom for some sex.

Was it weird he still wanted to have sex with him? Probably not, Derek was a fine specimen, even a straight guy could admit that.

“I need to come over! My dad’s in town and my mom invited him for lunch.”

Stiles winced in disgust, grunted for Scott to just ring the bell when he got there, and then hung up. Rolling onto his back, legs still up on his bed and notebook digging into his lower back, Stiles scrubbed at his face for a few seconds before tilting his head back to stare at his window.

He couldn’t help but wonder if he’d dreamed it. After all, if Derek were back in town, wouldn’t people know about it? It wasn’t like Derek would arrive and immediately come see Stiles, so he had to have dreamt it.

Struggling to his feet, he shuffled over to his window and stared down at the Mountain Ash. It was disturbed, meaning he’d definitely opened his window, but Stiles often got hot in the middle of the night and opened it while still half-asleep. He’d probably imagined Derek, because it felt good to be mad at him every now and then.

Wandering into the bathroom, he relieved himself and brushed his teeth, heading downstairs to grab some food. Checking the time on the microwave, he found it was just past two in the afternoon, and he was glad he didn’t have classes. He’d have missed them. His dad wouldn’t have been happy to know he was paying for a college education Stiles wasn’t taking advantage of.

He was in the middle of pouring himself cereal when the doorbell rang so he wandered over to the door and opened it. Before he could even say or do anything, Scott was staring at him wide-eyed.

“It smells like Derek. Why does it smell like Derek? Is Derek here?!”

“What? No.” Stiles frowned, unsure if he was more or less annoyed at finding out it wasn’t a dream. “Apparently he’s back in town.” Stiles kicked at the line of Mountain Ash by the door, breaking the barrier so Scott could come in. He immediately put it back into place once he’d passed. Ever since the Leprechaun incident eight months ago, Stiles was very conscious of keeping his home safe.

“Did you guys talk?”

“About what?” Stiles demanded, moving back to the kitchen to grab his breakfast.

“About how he just left without saying anything.”

“No.”

He shook the box loudly to drown out Scott’s questions, and made a big show of not being able to hear him over the sound of his own chewing. Scott was a little slow on the uptake, but he eventually got the point and let it go, the two of them moving to play video games in the living room.

It was an awkward and uncomfortable day, because Scott was obviously upset about his dad and looking for a distraction, and Stiles would murder him if he brought up Derek one more time.

By dinner, they had officially remained silent for two hours, and when Scott left after nightfall, they’d only exchanged words to talk about their schedules the next day since they had a pack meeting but Stiles also had a midterm he definitely should’ve been studying for.

Waving his friend off after breaking the barrier, Stiles bent down to put the Mountain Ash back into place and then shut the door, locking it to keep out any unwanted human guests.

Rubbing the back of his head with a sigh, he turned off the lights downstairs and trudged up towards his bedroom, figuring he could shower and get a good night’s sleep so he was well rested for the exam he was about to fail.

Stripping off his shirt in the hallway, he pushed open his bedroom door, throwing the dirty item in the general vicinity of his hamper, and then flipped on the light.

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph!” he shouted, flailing so hard he tripped over his own feet and fell over backwards, landing hard on the carpeted floor half inside his room and half out of it. “What the fuck!”

Derek was sitting in his desk chair, looking particularly villainous with his fingers steepled together and his face set in its usual scowl.

“How did you get in here?! There’s a barrier!”

“I saw Scott come in. You’d have to let him out eventually.”

“So you just waited like a creepy creeper stalker wolf?” Stiles demanded, struggling to his feet because lying on the floor while talking to Derek was just weird. “You know that’s breaking and entering, right? That thing that’s against the law? You did that illegal thing to the sheriff’s house.”

“You didn’t mind before.”

“We were friends before,” he muttered, wishing he still had his shirt on. Since he didn’t, he just crossed his arms over his chest and scowled.

“We’re still friends.”

“No, we’re not,” Stiles snapped. “Friends don’t have mind-blowing sex with other friends and then leave the next morning without a word for sixteen months.”

Derek’s frown deepened. “I left a note.”

“Did you even read your note?!” Stiles demanded, forgetting he was meant to be covering himself up self-consciously and flailing his arms instead. “You told me to take care of Scott because you were going hunting with Braeden! The girl you were having sex with before me!”

“She’s a mercenary,” Derek insisted. “She knew where to find Kate.”

Stiles stared at him, wondering if it was possible for someone to be that stupid. He knew Derek was socially awkward, but really? Really?

“Is this actually happening?” Stiles motioned himself, then Derek. “Are you honestly not seeing what you did here? I’m confused.”

“I was coming back.”

“What am I, a mind-reader?” Stiles demanded. “You didn’t tell me that! You just left! Which is what you’re going to do now. I’m going to shower. Get out.” He stormed towards his window and broke the line of Mountain Ash, motioning for Derek to get his big werewolf butt out of his chair and back out the way he’d come. “Let’s go. Outside. Now.”

“Will you just talk to me?” Derek growled, making no move to stand from the chair.

“No! I don’t know you! You’re a thief! A thief who broke into my house! My dad’s the sheriff, get out before I call him to come arrest you!”

He got a real look for that one, but Derek didn’t seem concerned. Just to prove him wrong, Stiles fumbled for the phone in his pocket, pulling it out and getting ready to dial when he felt the item being wrenched from his hand and he was shoved backwards against the closest wall.

Well, at least some things never changed. Derek still liked pushing him around. Stiles shouldn’t have felt as relieved as he did for how easily things were falling back into a routine.

“Stiles! Just listen!” Derek snapped, eyes flashing blue and fangs elongating.

“I’m gonna scream like a girl. Don’t think I won’t. Mrs. Grueber next door has taken an interest in my well-being ever since the Chimera last month.”

Derek gave him a weird look but he waved the words away. The story was too long to explain, and he didn’t want to have to tell Derek about it.

“I had to find Kate,” Derek insisted. “I had to get rid of her before she hurt anyone else.”

“Like you hurt me?” Stiles demanded. “And the pack? When you just up and left without a word?”

“I was coming back!” Derek shouted. Had Stiles not already been used to this, he might’ve been scared. As it was, the barrier was broken and Scott was a good pet wolf. He would come running if something smelled off or if Lassie went to tell him about how Stiles fell down the well.

“You should’ve known I was coming back,” Derek insisted.

“How could I possibly know you were coming back?!” Stiles countered angrily.

“Because I told you I would do anything to keep you safe and that Kate was a threat I needed to handle so that you wouldn’t ever be put in that kind of danger again!”

Stiles opened his mouth to argue, then paused, a thought occurring to him. He did remember some post-coital snuggling wherein Derek had been half-asleep and probably exhausted beyond belief because he’d been playing with Stiles’ hair and mumbling things about keeping him safe and making sure no one ever came after him again.

He hadn’t thought about it much at the time, but looking back, maybe Derek hadn’t said anything in the note because he’d been mumbling about how much he cared about him and keeping him safe while they’d been snoozing after the mind-blowing sex.

He hated that his brain kept going back to that, but it really had been mind-blowing. Derek did this thing with his hips that Stiles didn’t even know was possible, and it was just so good and now he was thinking about it and—focus!

“You didn’t even text,” Stiles muttered. “We all thought you were dead.”

“My phone got smashed and I never ended up replacing it. I wasn’t planning on being gone this long.”

Stiles said nothing for a moment, then sighed. “Can you put me down?”

Derek stared at him, then seemed to realize he was pushing Stiles against the wall so hard that he’d actually been lifting him off the ground. He set him back down, releasing him and taking a step back, scowling once more.

“I just want to talk,” Derek muttered.

Stiles considered this request for a moment, eying him suspiciously before shrugging and wandering to the window. He put the Mountain Ash back into place and then headed out of his bedroom so he could go shower.

“Where are you going?” Derek followed behind him.

“Shower. Figure if I trap you here, you can’t run off on me again.” He paused at the bathroom doorway and turned to him, giving him a look. “Good luck escaping from this house, Derek. You’re gonna wish you’d stayed outside. Or have you forgotten how much I can talk?”

Derek just scowled, but Stiles grinned, feeling a little lighter for the first time since the night before when he’d seen the other’s grumpy face staring up at him from his lawn.

“Buckle up, sourwolf. We’re going to have a long night.”

Stiles slammed and locked the bathroom door, hoping Derek heard and smelled him jerking off in the shower. Derek was going to disappear on him for sixteen months? Stiles was going to make sure he regretted that decision.

He was nothing if not thorough.

END.