#instead of expecting One Show made by Eight People to have or be Everything

[divinesouldariax]

the thing about The Characters is that everything other people get out of them is fine and cool, and the most important thing about any story is that people are having fun with it. HOWEVER my interpretation of The Characters and their relationships and themes is always correct.

[cowgurrrl]

Sweet Jane

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader (plus platonic Ellie Williams x fem!reader)

Author’s note: this actually ripped my heart out and made me realize why I don’t write angst

Summary: “If I have children, I hope they live quiet lives. No fires for them. No sickness. No breaking news stories. I hope they die of old age, far from the pages of history books.” - oh, to live unremarkably by Trista Mateer [2.3k]

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, talks of child loss (reader has lost a child) teen pregnancy, tumultuous parent/child relationships, references to a sexual relationship but nothing explicit, reader is a badass because I said so, ANGST

The second you saw her, you knew this was a possibility. You knew it would happen at one point but watched your tongue. You thought it would happen in the middle of a firefight or trying to survive a horde of Infected or some other dangerous situation where you couldn't stop the words from tumbling out of your mouth. It doesn't. It happens on a sunny autumn day while walking away from the ravaged Kansas City. She was trying to show off or prove something to Joel when she tried to run forward without warning. It came out as a gasp as you grabbed her backpack and yanked her back before her foot could slip off the ledge of a cliff. Your heart pounded as you gripped her like you were waiting for her to start falling again. She mumbled a quick sorry before you let her go. She didn't try to run forward again after that.

She waits longer than you expected to ask about it. After you set up camp for the night and cook whatever Joel decided, Ellie looks at you and asks, "who's Jane?" Joel's brows furrow at the question, and your chest tightens. “You called me Jane earlier."

"Jane's my daughter." You catch yourself using the present tense, and grief trickles down your spine like an unpleasant cold shower. Saying that she was your daughter sounds wrong. It's been years now, but you can't make yourself switch. She's still your daughter, even if she's gone. You're still her mom. You'll always be her mom.

"Oh," she gapes, and you nod. You can feel Joel's eyes on you, but you don't look at him. If you do, the words will tumble out of your mouth before you can stop them. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You didn't know." You say, shrugging as if she gave you the wrong directions instead of asking about your kid. She doesn't push the subject anymore, and you eat silently until Ellie crawls into her sleeping bag and falls asleep. 

Cicadas' chirps and the fire's crackling fill the space between Joel and you. The stars twinkle as the clouds move in the night sky. It's peaceful. Or it would be, at least, if Joel hadn't been fiddling with his gun for the past twenty minutes. The metal clicking is almost enough to drive you crazy, and you shoot him a look. He freezes and meets your eyes before letting his hands drop.

"Sorry," he says, and you chuckle. He props the gun up next to him and glances around to make sure nothing's decided to sneak close to you. 

"I think we're safe," You say.

"For now."

"Joel Miller, ever the optimist."

"It ain't about being optimistic. It's about being smart."

"Right," you shake your head and look at Ellie sleeping in the corner. Her chest rises and falls steadily as she dreams secret dreams. You smile when she snuggles deeper into her sleeping bag and scrunches her nose. "You think she'll be okay?" You ask, meeting his eyes. 

"Kids seem to handle these things better." 

"Sam was her friend."

"I know." He says. Images of shaky guns, Ellie's screams, and the silence that followed Henry's body hitting the floor replay in your mind in slow motion. You're trying to figure out where it went wrong, when the universe pulled yet another rug out from under you. When you put the two kids to bed, everything was fine, and not even eight hours later, Sam and Henry were dead. How many people will you bury before you get to the Fireflies? 

"I'm tired," you admit softly. You can tell by the faraway look in his eyes that he's in his own head, turning things over to look for new details. He's looking for something he missed. "What're you thinking about?" You ask, snapping him out of it, and he shifts uncomfortably.

"You never told me you had a daughter." He finally says, and you nod. You look down at your bootlaces and untie them, so you don't have to look at him.

"It never came up." 

"Her name was Jane?" He phrases it like he wasn't listening the first time, but you know he's trying to get you to open up about her.

"Jane Eloise," saying her full name scratches at an unhealed wound deep in your stomach. You think about all the times you shouted those names across the apartment to her. You were always late for school, late for a birthday party, and late for appointments. You're almost positive she would've been late to her own birth if you hadn't been induced. Rushing was the way you lived your life for that decade. You would give anything to be running late with her again. "If I talk about her, I'm gonna cry." You warn.

"That's okay." His voice is so soft, and he's looking at you with those big eyes, and something shifts. You haven't talked about her in years, but something in Joel's demeanor makes you feel safe enough to unlock the door in your brain, holding all her memories.

"I had her when I was sixteen. I was pregnant throughout my sophomore year of high school and had a toddler by the time I went to college. I still don't know how, but I graduated. I was gonna go to med school and start a brand new life, just the two of us. I spent so fucking long studying, but it didn't matter."

"How come I didn't know all this?"

"We agreed to keep our pasts to ourselves when we started," you hesitate—started seeing each other as stress relief and nothing else? Started lying to Tess so you could fuck in alleys in between deals? Started pretending like it meant nothing? "I never thought you'd want to know more than you had to."

"I want to know now," He says like it's the easiest thing in the world. "Did her dad stay around to help you?"

"No, he left the second he got the chance. It was probably for the better, anyway. He was an asshole. I still don't know if he's alive or if he even knows what happened. I don't know if I care enough to find out."

"How old was she when she…" he trails off, the last word dying on his tongue. You swallow around the lump in your throat and take a shaky breath.

"Ten."

"I'm sorry." He says, and you nod. You never knew how to respond to people when they told you they were sorry your kid was dead. You still don't. Nobody tells you about this part in parenting classes.

"We got out on Outbreak Day. Somehow, I kept her alive until I could get her to the QZ nearby. I smuggled there for a few years and made enough money to feed and clothe her. That's better than most people were able to do. I would pick her up from school and walk her home most days but I had a deal with one of my neighbors, Mrs. Carmichael, that if I couldn't pick her up from school, she would. She picked her up a few times, and nothing went wrong. So, when I got caught up in a deal outside the walls one day, I thought it was safe to finish it and be home by dinner," you say, regret washing over you all at once. "Then, Fireflies started dropping bombs. I heard the explosions all the way out there, and I ran back, but it didn't matter. They were both gone."

"When I told my mom I was pregnant, she was furious. She told me that a mother's love is nothing compared to a mother's fury. At least, that was her excuse when she threw me out, but I didn't know if I believed her until that day. After Jane died, I ripped the entire city apart, looking for every single Firefly that had orders to drop bombs that day, and I killed all of them without batting an eye, and it still didn't bring her back. I still woke up every morning and listened for her breathing or the sound of her making cereal in the kitchen. I waited for her to come home every day for years," tears fall from your eyes, and you quickly wipe them away. Joel is clinging to your every word. "I couldn't stay there. My daughter and everyone who could've been responsible for her death was dead, so I came to Boston. Met you and Tess, and that was it."

"That's why you wanted to kill Marlene when we got Ellie." He says, connecting the dots, and you nod.

"I wanted to drop a fucking bomb on her head for what she did. I don't care if that makes me cruel. She killed my kid and called her collateral. Made it seem like she was a part of the cause and not a fucking child just trying to get home from school."

"I get it," he says. You open your mouth to say something about how he could never understand, how nobody ever could, but he beats you to it. "My… Sarah was fourteen," He stumbles over his words. "I wanted to kill the guy who shot her. I didn't care that he was following orders on that day, I wanted him to suffer, but he was already dead." 

Joel had a daughter, not much older than yours, and you never talked about either of them. He's one of the only people in the world who can see your pain, the black hole Jane left in you, and show you his matching one. Joel must've been young when he had his daughter, too. Twenty-two, at the very least. How could you have never talked about this?

"What was Sarah like?"

"She was a spitfire and just about the funniest person I've ever known. Smart as hell, too. She was always readin' and telling me everything she learned in school. I never understood half of it, but she loved it," He says, and it's your turn to cling to his every word. His eyes light up as he talks about her. You see now what a good dad he must've been. "Still don't know where she got it from."

"Well, I'd say she got it from her dad. You're smarter than you give yourself credit for." You say, but he shakes his head, refusing the compliment.

"What about Jane? What was she like?" He asks, and you think for a moment. You remember her big brown eyes; how they widened when she was excited about something or glazed over with tears when she was afraid. You remember how her laugh could fill a room. You remember cradling her in your arms when she came into the world and when you found her.

"She was the most beautiful person I've ever met. When she was born, all the nurses would take turns coming into my room to look at her. They couldn't stop telling me how cute she was, and I agreed with them. She was perfect," you smile, remembering how many pictures you took of her tiny face. You had been terrified your entire pregnancy, but the second you saw her, you knew you were meant to be her mom. You felt completely at peace with her, even as young and unprepared as you were. 

"She was quiet and curious, but she also had moments where she was loud and careless like kids usually are. I never understood what people meant when they said having kids gave them a whole new idea of what love could be until I had her. She was the best thing that ever happened to me." You say. Joel watches you wipe more tears away before putting his hand on your knee and squeezing. He doesn't say anything, but the look in his eyes tells you everything.

"I wonder if they would've been friends. Our daughters." He thinks aloud.

"I like to think so."

"Me too," he says. He clears his throat, probably trying to bury any emotions this conversation brought up. "She would've loved you."

"You think?" You ask, and he nods. 

"You two would've been thick as thieves. Probably conspire against me or somethin'."

"And that's different from now, how?" He laughs at that, and you smile. You put your hand over his and let your thumb trace the contours of his knuckles. Those bruised, scarred, terrifying mountains that have killed and beaten soften under your touch. 

You don't say much else for the rest of the night. You just hold his hand and stay awake to protect the girl not much older than your daughters were. The fear, cautious optimism, and sadness that came along with Ellie, that you thought you were alone in feeling doesn't feel as heavy anymore. The black hole Jane left will never be filled, and you will miss her for the rest of your life, but Joel opening up and showing you his similar wound makes you feel less alone. 

It makes you wonder if your girls are together somewhere far from all the pain and bloodshed. You wonder if they've secretly conspired to make you two find each other. You wonder what they would think of each other, of the people their parents turned into, of Ellie. It's nice to think they're together, playing silly games while waiting for you. 

Not yet, sweet Jane, you think as you look at the stars, and maybe it's a mind trick or exhaustion, but you swear a star winks back at you. Not yet, Mommy, she seems to agree. 

💫

💫

[nocturnesmoon]

I had a dream about this and thought you'd like it 😭 It basically boils down into your current vampire!reader fics but instead of a vampire, reader was like. this spider hybrid thing?? I was v confused 🫡

-😎

Eight legged dreams

Monster AU Masterlist: TF141 x Spider-Hybrid!GN!Reader A/N: I really wanna know what kinda weird dreams you be having 😭 I don't know what the spider hybrid looked like in your dream, but I think I'd be terrified, anyways this is a bit short but enjoy.

-The 141 gets a new, unexpected addition to the team-

Nobody is really surprised to find that people would end up experimenting with the concept of monsters. Ever since they recruited a few in the military, leash on tight, it was only a matter of time before some twisted minds picked up on the idea of creating monsters on their own.

The existence of mythical creatures has long been proven, though a lot are concealed and extinct, what if it would be possible to resurrect them, or create entirely new ones? The thought was quickly experimented with, the study of how monsters formed, made way for the ideas of monster hybrids that didn't exist naturally.

When the 141 was first assigned such a hybrid, they were sceptical. Promptly they thought they didn't need one, they did excellent work without the external help, but it quickly became a matter of not having a choice.

It didn't matter to the higher ups whether they used this hybrid on missions or not, the 141 was to record the movements of this hybrid, and at the end of the experiment they would each give an individual report of the experience.

If the hybrid became violent or disobedient, each one of them had full authority to eliminate them.

Simple right?

That's what they had all thought before they found out what a menace it could be. They had expected something simple, a wolf hybrid, or a reptile hybrid like they had heard about, but no what they got was arguably worse.

From the moment you stepped off the truck that brought you to them, they knew something was off. Sure, they hadn't been told what kind of hybrid you were, but this was unexpected even with that in mind.

Your entire physique didn't carry the same as a human would, fat, skin and muscle distribution was completely wrong compared to that of a normal human. You were adorned by another set of eyes right under your natural ones, just as well you had 2 extra sets of arms. It looked wrong on you, like you came from some eldritch abomination. They even wondered if it might hurt to have a form like that, but you seemed relaxed as can be.

Your form started to make a lot more sense when Price finally got his hands on your files, and care instructions. He wanted to chew your handlers out for not giving him the instructions sooner, but they left in a hurry like state, all too eager to get rid of you.

Apparently, you were a type of spider hybrid. It wasn't totally certain what your abilities were, there wasn't a whole lot of guidance from your previous handlers, and it only left Price all the more nervous.

Despite their apprehension about you, you were nice and accommodative. You listened to their orders and request and at first glance you seemed normal, not taking into account of how different you looked.

It didn't take long before they started finding out about your various quirks, showing more and more of yourself very quickly. You seemed to get attached to them a lot faster than they got warmed up to you.

Gaz was the first one to figure out that you had the ability to climb any surface and stick to it. It didn't really come as a surprise once he really thought about it, but the jump scare he got from it is one he isn't likely to forget.

He was just about to go to bed, changed into pyjamas and everything, lights turned off. Just as he was about to get under the covers he sees a glint in the corner of his bedroom ceiling, he slowly goes closer, finding it hard to see when his eyes aren't adjusted to the darkness. The second you get into view, his eyes widen a fraction, the real jump scare coming when you with a very menacing voice say, "Hello Kyle," he screams for you to get out, which you do with a pout. Days later he still doesn't know how you learned his real name, seemingly no one told you, you just found out.

Another thing they figured out quickly was your eating habits, they found you to be very picky about what you ingested. Most of the time you only ate meat in small quantities, and you always seemed to hoard it in your room, wrapped up in tiny cocoons for safe keeping. Seemingly you refused to eat anything other than meat, but despite being picky you were open to try a lot of things, normally ending up hating it, but you tried it.

It started to result in you biting everything, no matter what it would be. Sometimes it seemed like you didn't fully understand what was edible and what was not. Their biggest shock came from you starting to nibble on them. It became a fixation of yours, and despite them always swatting you away, you kept going at it. Price has too many bite marks shaped perfectly from your teeth.

Soap was sceptic about your appearance first, intrigued but sceptic. He quickly warmed up to it, however, when he realized how useful it could be to have 6 arms, or useful to him that you had them. He started using you as a sort of coat rack, getting you to hold things for him while he's working. If he was practising his skills at disarming a bomb, he'd get you to hold his tools, if he was writing reports, he'd get you to hold the next ones ready, so it all went smoother. He even got you to hold his art supplies for him whenever he wanted to draw in his downtime.

You didn't really mind it, wanting to follow him around anyway, and this way you would be useful to him. You even learnt a few things watching him work, and watching him paint was oddly relaxing. He didn't even mind when you asked him to explain what he was doing, he could get very passionate once you got him started.

Price and Ghost were more interested in your abilities in the field. You were fast, agile, and dexterous, with a patience that's unmatched. You even beat Ghost when it came to sitting still, he held the record to be the best sniper on the team, having the patience of a mountain, yet when it was put to the test, you managed to beat his time by a lot.

Price always keeps a close eye on you, not wanting to admit that he's slightly afraid of you. Even though over time they've got it documented what your abilities included, you keep surprising them. He once saw you playing with a cat, seemingly having a lot of fun, until the cat got annoyed and bit you. The cat managed to draw blood...it died from poison 10 minutes later. He's always been extra wary of you after that, making sure not to touch your wounds directly if you got injured in battle.

Once you start integrating yourself into their group, their acceptance of you becoming easier and easier to get, you also start some gift giving adventures. It was mostly Ghost at first, but occasionally you'd bring the rest things as well. The problem was that the things you brought him were...dead insects...dead animals...things that in your mind were excellent gifts because you were helping with keeping him fed, right?

He did really not view it like that, and when he found a dead rabbit, wrapped up nice and tight in a cocoon, placed neatly on his desk, he snapped at you. In the middle of his yelling you ran, to where they never found out, you became like a ghost, though the subtle hints that you were still around were there.

You kept out of sight for a few days, despite how much they tried to call you forth. Ghost always had this eerie feeling that when he turns you would be sitting creepily on the ceiling in the corner, but you're never in view. He even started feeling a little guilty for snapping at you, but he really did not like to dispose of dead animals every other day.

When you finally came back, it wasn't without a peace offering, and when you stood in front of him, holding out a little cocoon for him, he could only sigh. He accepted it reluctantly but found that there were no dead animals inside it, instead there were little trinkets that you had found. Mostly things he couldn't use, but there was one thing that stood out to him, a mask of his that he could've sworn he lost, yet you had somehow found it.

When he seemed a lot happier with this kind of gift, then you did too, your mood drastically improved, and you kept bringing him more. Though he still could find it to be an annoyance when it was a bunch of junk, it was better than dead insects, and when you looked so happy afterwards, who was he to complain.

Even if you were different, nearing the end of the experiment, none of them could deny that they had come to love your little quirks. Your presence had come to be expected around base, your helpful manner, your mischievous behaviour, adding something to their work life that they've come to quite enjoy.

And when you came running, half in tears, begging them to not send you back to your old handlers...well...it only took one glance between each other to have the quiet collective agreement, that they were going to do anything, to keep you right here with them.

[dodger-chan]

Look we all have to write the steddie flirting through DnD scene don't we?

Consider this a Christmas gift if you celebrate and something to do while everything's closed if you don't.

“How touchable are my boobs in this?”

“I think I’m falling in love with Eddie.” Steve replied. He had not meant to say that. He’d been helping Robin pick out clothes for her date with Vickie that night, and the thought had just hit him. Steve tried again. “Your boobs look great. Vickie will definitely want to slip her hands under that shirt.”

“Perfect.” Robin threw herself down on her bed next to Steve. “Let's go back a few seconds. Why do you think you’re falling for Eddie?”

“I stole one of Dustin’s old DnD manuals and I’ve been looking through it to figure out how their nerd game works. I bought my own copy of Sacred Heart. And I'm trying to read The Hobbit for the third time.”

He was forty-eight pages in, the farthest he’d made it yet. He might make it through the whole book this time, now that he’d decided he could skip the songs. 

“Oh, it’s like when you studied for the SATs with Nancy!”

“Even though I’d already taken the exam. Exactly.” Steve sighed. “It’s been going on for weeks. How did I not notice until now?”

“Because you’ve spent most of your life purposefully ignoring it when you liked a guy.” Robin ruffled his hair. “Hey, at least finding him hot isn’t news, right?”

“Yay for small victories, I guess.” Steve fixed the mess Robin had made. “But what do I do about it?”

----------

A part of Steve had wanted to show up in his rattiest t-shirt and jeans, to do his best to blend in with the rest of the club. But it wasn’t like the other guys didn’t know who he was. And Steve wanted to find out if Eddie might like him, not some nerd that looked like him. So Steve wore a polo shirt and his best jeans. The only way he could have looked less like he belonged was if he’d pulled his letterman out from the back of his closet.

“Are you playing with us Harrington?” Eddie asked when Steve sat down at the table.

“Um, is that okay? Bobbie had a thing come up and she asked me to sub in for her.” Robin’s thing had been a second date with Vickie. At his house, so the girls could kiss without worrying about getting caught. Steve needing to spend four hours in the Wheeler basement gave them plenty of alone time, too. “I might need some help with the math, but Robs gave me a character sheet and some basic instructions.”

Eddie and his friends exchanged looks. Steve really hoped they weren’t going to tell him to get lost.

“Steve? You’re playing?” Dustin practically threw himself down the stairs when he saw Steve. “How did we finally convince you? Was it Robin? Where is she?”

“Robin’s busy. I’m her sub. If Munson’s cool with it?”

Faced with Dustin’s pleading eyes, Eddie didn’t stand a chance.

----------

Steve mostly kept quiet at first, observing how Eddie ran the game, what strategies the kids preferred to use. Mostly he let them make the decisions and when they were in combat he hit the biggest enemy with his morningstar until it stopped moving.

It felt kind of familiar, but way less painful.

After a little while, Steve thought he had the hang of it enough to try Robin’s plan.

“Wait a second,” he stopped Mike before they attacked the mysterious cloaked figure. “Isn’t everybody’s health kind of low?”

“We don’t have time to rest and heal, Steve.” Mike was being weirdly patient with him. “The enemy has already seen us.”

“Yeah, but I could try charming him instead of fighting. Robin said her character was supposed to be charming.” She’d had this long explanation about charisma that Steve hadn’t followed but she’d summed it up as flirt with the NPCs. “If I flirt with him, maybe he’ll let us by without a fight.”

“He’s a guy, Steve,” Dustin pointed out. “Robin’s character is also a guy.”

“Gay people exist.” One of the older Hellfire members, Steve thought his name was Gareth, spoke up. He hadn’t expected any of Eddie’s friends to help him out with this. The three of them had their eyes on Eddie.

Eddie wasn’t saying anything.

“He’s seduced at least one girl in every town we’ve passed through,” Lucas explained. “Usually two or three.”

“It’s kind of a running joke,” Will added.

“He could like both.” Steve said it with a casualness he did not feel. “Some people do.”

“Buckley’s not going to be upset you made her character a little gay?” Eddie asked him.

“Nah, she won’t mind.”

“Then roll for seduction.”

Right as he rolled, another of Eddie’s friends - Steve had missed his name during introductions - bumped into the table. The dice fell onto the floor and one rolled under the sofa.

This was apparently a catastrophe.

“We won’t be able to get the die without moving it! We’ll never know what you rolled!” Dustin whined.

“Couldn’t I just roll it again?” This was, for some reason, the worst question he could have asked, as it sparked a lecture on the sacred and inviolable nature of the dice rolls.

“Have him role play it,” Jeff suggested. Eddie shot his friend a dirty look.

Steve briefly wondered if Robin had been talking with the older members of Hellfire, but that didn’t seem likely. They wouldn’t have any reason to help him out. 

“I don’t mind.”

“If that’s what you want.” Eddie shrugged. “Show us you can be as charming as your character.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m exactly as charming as Sir Dingus des Cheveux.” Steve wasn’t sure if he should be flattered or disturbed by how much Robin’s character was based on him. Though it certainly made playing him easier. “Tell me what I see.”

“I already did. Cloaked figure, no obvious weapon.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’d notice if I was looking for a fight. Can I see his hair? His face? His eyes?”

“Um, his hood is up, so no.” Right. Eddie was going to make this difficult.

“Okay so I step forward and I stand, uh, shit. It’s hard to describe.” Steve could be just as difficult. “Can we act it out?”

“Act it out?”

“I mean the NPCs are all you, right? So if you could stand in for this guy?” A lot of flirting was physical and, for Steve, automatic. He didn’t know exactly what he was doing until he was doing it. 

“Do it, Eddie.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve always wanted to see The Hair at work.”

Eddie’s friends egged him on. Lucas nodded along with them. Dustin had grabbed a blank sheet of paper and seemed prepared to take notes. Will seemed somewhere between uncomfortable and fascinated. Only Mike looked unhappy about it, but that was just how Mike was. 

Date a guy’s sister for a year and not even saving his life could make him smile at you.

Eddie rose from his seat.

“Okay, Harrington. Charm me.”

Steve stepped forward, until he was almost close enough to touch Eddie.

“Hi,” he said, tilting his head to one side. He smiled a slightly goofy smile that he knew invited teasing. “What’s a nice boy like you doing in a dungeon like this?”

Eddie burst out laughing.

“Seriously? That’s what you’re starting with?”

“Is that you or the character laughing?” Steve asked.

“Both.”

“You have a beautiful laugh.” Steve spoke in character. Eddie stopped laughing, surprised. “I bet your face is just as lovely.”

“He pushes his hood back to reveal the face of a drow. The face is not lovely, but scarred. One particularly nasty scar on his right cheek creates the illusion of a smile. He says, You lose.”

“I don't know about that.” Steve stepped a little closer and lifted his hand. “May I?”

Eddie nodded.

Steve pushed Eddie's hair away from his face, lightly brushing Eddie's scars. Taking care that the back of his thumb caressed the most prominent one, the one that tugged down the corner of Eddie's lip and gave his smile a permanent look of irony.

“You have the most expressive eyes I've ever seen,” Steve murmured. Eddie pulled back.

Shit. That wasn't in character. Steve tried again.

“I think I won, but I wouldn’t want to contradict anyone with such enchanting eyes.” He dropped the smile but kept the teasing tone. “What do I lose?”

“Your life,” Eddie replied, but his heart clearly wasn't in it.

“You don't want to kill me.” Steve’s smile widened. He'd won this round as soon as Eddie had laughed. “If you’re having trouble thinking up a forfeit, can I suggest a kiss?”

“Okay, okay,” Eddie said with another laugh. “You have successfully seduced the drow. He does not attack your party, or summon reinforcements. Your one night stand allows for a long rest. Because the drow is a cleric of Loviatar, you only recover half your health.”

“Worth it.” He winked at Eddie before sitting back down at the table. “Sir Dingus had an excellent time. Is there a fantasy version of asking for a guy’s number? In case I have to sub in for Rob again?”

He didn’t want to saddle Robin’s character with a boyfriend when Robin had been using him to flirt with girls, but he didn’t want to leave Eddie with the impression that Steve moved on from people as quickly as Sir Dingus did.

“The life of an adventurer is hardly conducive to long term relationships.” That did not answer Steve’s question. “But, he tells you his name is Ghauntel Kenduis and should he see you again, he will remember yours.”

--------

Dungeons and Dragons was not the worst way to spend an afternoon. The combat was kind of boring, and the bickering over what the party was going to do next made Steve sympathize with the guys who’d stuffed nerds into lockers. 

Okay, DnD was not his thing at all and the only thing he really enjoyed about it was getting to flirt with Eddie.

Steve slid his hand over the scars on Eddie's neck. Slowly, carefully, he brought their lips together for a kiss.

Well, Eddie’s characters, which wasn’t exactly the same thing. And after that first time, he hadn’t had to do nearly as much roleplaying. But it was still fun.

“You kept breaking character,” Eddie commented when the game was finished for the day. 

“What do you mean?” The kids had, unsurprisingly, vanished upstairs as soon as it was time to clean up. A little more surprising was that the rest of Hellfire had also cleared out, leaving Steve and Eddie alone.

“When you would flirt. You kept losing the characters. You’ve never played before, so flirting with me instead of my NPCs would be an easy mistake to make. Or…” Eddie trailed off. “Nah, you’re just bad at the game.”

“I mean, I am. And breaking character wasn’t something I tried to do on purpose.” Steve stepped close to Eddie again. Close enough to reach out and touch him. “But I kept doing it because I wanted to flirt with you.”

“Why?” Eddie asked. “I'm a freak and kind of an asshole a lot of the time. And I’m not exactly a pretty face these days.”

“Well, it turns out that weird and passionate nerds are kinda my type.” And Steve was sick of dating girls who weren't his type. “May I?”

Wordlessly, Eddie nodded.

Again, Steve pushed Eddie's hair back, tucking it behind his ear. Eddie leaned into Steve's touch.

“You really do have the most expressive eyes. I wish you didn't feel like you have to hide them.” 

[icallhimjoey]

To Have And To Scold

♥ ♥  Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your best friends are getting married, and who else can they ask to be their best man and maid of honour but you and Joe? It’s just that… you don’t really get along all that well, do you? At least, that’s what you think.

CW / disclaimer: sort of enemies to sort of lovers, slooow burn, language, drinking, mention of vomitting, rpf, fem!reader, eventual smut

Author’s note: we get drunk in this one! and, little side note: Mark's not the worst. Stupid, sure. But we love him still.

Wordcount: 4.6K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five - part six - part seven - part eight - part nine - part ten - epilogue

Something was wrong.

The wedding shower looked great - people were chatting, drinking, laughing. Mark and Poppy were stood near the entrance to greet everyone who came in, to receive gifts, to welcome family and friends. Sometimes excited raised voices alerted everyone in the room when someone who said they wouldn't be able to make it walked in through the doors. There was hugging and there were smiles and Joe was happy, because Poppy seemed happy.

Joe found the best venue. The perfect place for a wedding shower. Not extremely formal, not too wedding-y. But nice.

Still. Something was off. It started with you showing up way later than Joe thought you would've.

Drunk.

Joe saw you enter from where he was stood by the bar. He'd been chatting to a colleague of Mark who had recognised him, and immediately had all sorts of questions. About being an actor. About the industry. About the people Joe worked with. All things Joe didn't mind talking about, but this was bad timing.

You'd just walked in, with half-lidded eyes and a dopey smile, and you were quick to sling both your arms around Poppy. You let your body fall into her fully, and Joe saw Poppy stumble back at the surprise of having to unexpectedly carry your full bodyweight. You slurred some things into her ear, things that made her look at her fiancé with a worried glint in her eyes.

Looking at the two of you hug, Joe realised he could still feel you in his arms if he thought about it long enough. The way you just... fit him so perfectly. Had relaxed into his hold so readily. You'd only sobbed maybe twice before your breathing had steadied. He fixed it. Sort of had to, Joe thought. He'd asked you a question that he hadn't expected such an emotional answer to, and he'd regretted asking it the second he saw you well up.

He'd done that. Was responsible for that. Felt awful for it, too.

How could Joe not have hugged you?

It had been such a short, quick thing. Effective, though. You'd stopped crying just as fast as you'd started. The moment had been so small, but definitely special.

To Joe, at least.

But Joe knew he was on thin ice. Joe remembered your shared moment in vivid colours, but he also remembered the fact that Poppy breaking it up by her loud knock on the window had made him feel like he'd been caught cheating.

Ever since then, he'd been riddled with conflicted feelings.

Needed to make sure he kept distance. That he wasn't going to fuck it all up.

So he made sure that this party was perfect. Perfect venue, perfect bar staff, perfect DJ and perfect guest list. Even the lighting! Brightly coloured lights, all pinks and peaches, no blue tones to be detected. Joe had thought of everything to please Poppy. To make sure she was pleased with him.

Joe saw how you squeezed Poppy until it hurt her, and then you didn't greet Mark at all. Instead, you beelined it straight to the bar where you ordered two gin and tonics.

Even though fucking gorgeous, Joe could see how you were staining this beautiful affair. A big dollop of ketchup on a pristine white shirt, and this party wasn't allowed any stains.

Why the fuck were you drunk already?

From a distance, Joe saw Mark clench his jaw as Poppy touched his arm. She seemed to tell him to calm down, or, something along those lines at least. To not pay you any mind, perhaps.

But you just necked a full glass and seemed ready to throw back the second one too.

This had disaster written all over it.

Joe had to step in.

Do something.

Mark's mother found you, and you greeted her warmly. She'd been talking to Poppy's mother, and since you were greeting and hugging already anyway, you also leant in to embrace her.

You and Poppy's mother had never hugged before, ever.

Joe saw from her face that it was a little unexpected. You really squeezed her properly before you let go and found the straw in your drink with your tongue.

Classy.

Where you'd just seconds earlier greeted the two mum's like they were your own, now, it was like they didn't even exist to you. You stood and looked across the room, eyes roaming, your mind somewhere else entirely.

"Excuse me," Joe said to Mark's colleague who was still talking to him, and he made his way over to you.

"Hey,"

"There he is," you slurred through narrow eyes, all exaggerated suspicion, and one of your hands wrapped around his forearm by ways of greeting. Nails dug in harshly, and your teeth did the same to your bottom lip as you frowned.

"What's going on, are you all right?"

None of this was normal. Not that the two of you ever were or had been, but, you were fucking plastered.

You had a hard time keeping your eyes straight, and there was something vengeful about you, Joe thought.

You shrugged, spat, "Ask Mark," before spotting Mark's brother over Joe's shoulder and quickly stepping around him to make your way over.

There was no hug for Mark's brother, but just a sloppy high five, followed by lots of giggles and spilt gin and tonic. You were barely able to keep your balance, and when Joe checked on Poppy and Mark, he saw they were watching you as well.

In fact, Joe took a scan of the whole room, and from almost all directions you had eyes on you.

You looked good, still. Banging body in a banging dress. You still smelled lovely, your perfume lingered, and you didn't have a hair out of place. Skin all dewey, all healthy looking... it did something to Joe.

You looked fucking amazing if you asked him.

But you swayed on your feet. Laughed loudly. Fell into the people you were talking to. Held onto them for balance. It was so clear that you were well past the point of being just a little tipsy.

Jesus Christ, was Joe going to have to ask you to leave?

Joe and Poppy made eye-contact, and she beckoned him with a nod of her head.

"She's pissed," Poppy said the second Joe stepped into earshot. Yea, no shit you were pissed.

"I'll go tell the bar staff to only give her mocktails," Joe said, already thinking of solutions, of how to keep the peace.

"No, she'll notice," Mark grumbled, and rubbed his face. He seemed annoyed.

"So go apologise," Poppy said, and Mark was quick to react, "I have! I have apologised! Like, seventeen times!"

Joe had no idea what was going on, but he used context clues. It sounded like Mark had fucked up one way or another.

"Make it eighteen," Poppy hissed and pointed in your direction.

Joe could see people around trying to piece together what was going on. A hushed conversation between the three of them, Poppy's extended arm pointed your way - this wasn't difficult to understand. They were figuring something out, and so, nobody interfered.

Mark sighed.

"She's too far gone, it's of no use now. Saying sorry won't do anything. It'll just kick things off again. I honestly didn't think she'd come tonight,"

"Mark, this is our wedding shower, of course she's here. Listen, I'm not going to let–"

"Don't put this on me!"

"I'm not, but, she's your best man!"

Mark and Poppy started bickering a little too loud for Joe's comfort.

"I'll," Joe spoke up loudly, shutting the two of them up instantly. "I'll take care of this,"

"No-" Mark started, one hand up to stop Joe, but Poppy shot him a glare and said, "Let him," and all Mark could do was sigh and let his hand ball into a fist that bumped Joe on the shoulder.

A look was shared between the two men. Joe thought it meant, good luck, but Mark wasn't really sure what he meant. He didn't know what he could've said that would've helped Joe before he turned and made his way back over to you.

Joe politely interrupted the conversation you were having. Mark's brother immediately helped out and diverted your attention to Joe.

"Come," Joe said into your ear, "Let's go sit somewhere,"

Compliant, you immediately followed, much to Joe's surprise. He wasn't going to let you notice that, though.

Joe lead you to seats near the short end of the bar, furthest away from the entrance. It was a little tucked away, but pretty much still out in the open. Mark and Poppy would have had to move just by a few steps to see around the bar, to see the two of you.

You fell into a seat. Nearly missed it. Joe had to reach and grab you by the arm to make sure you didn't topple over.

"Mark says he's sorry," Joe started, but said it all casually like it wasn't a huge deal, and it made you scoff at him.

"Mark can go suck a thousand dicks,"

Joe couldn't help but stifle a laugh as he signed for water to bar staff.

"I'm sure he could,"

"No, he fucking can't," you immediately argued, your face all scrunched up. "He wouldn't know what to even DO with a thousand dicks."

"Mmh, well, I don't..." Joe raised a shoulder. "A thousand is a lot of dicks, to be fair,"

Joe got handed two glasses of water, and held one out to you.

"Drink this,"

"Fuck off," you refused, but didn't put a lot of effort in when Joe forced the glass into your hands.

"Drink it." Joe said sternly.

So, you did. When you wanted to lower the glass after one small sip, Joe didn't let you. Using two fingers pressed to the bottom of the glass, he made sure you downed the full thing.

You gasped for air when you slammed the empty glass down.

"You're– dick," you grumbled.

"I– .... my dick?"

You thought it was stupid how Joe was humouring you. Like you were a toddler.

"Why are we talking about my penis?" Joe's brow was set in a deep frown, but the corners of his mouth gave away the smile underneath.

You sloppily shrugged, all annoyed.

"It's probably pretty, isn't it? You know, in dick terms,"

You got all angry again, but now it was all aimed at Joe instead of at Mark. Which was good, Joe thought.

"Golden boy Joseph," you started, speaking into the room louder than Joe cared for. "Posh little squeaky-clean Joey, with his beautiful pretty penis, ugh, you're the worst,"

Even your facial expressions were slow and messy.

"That's all right," Joe just said. It made you cover your face with both your hands, elbows up on the table, and you groaned loudly.

"You're not the worst, Mark's the worst,"

Oh. Back to Mark.

"And apparently I'm the worst for wanting a plus one,"

You slung your arms about.

"I don't even want to bring anyone!" you defended, "I just asked why I didn't get one because he'd been all vague about it, and he still hasn't fucking said why,"

You nearly hit the empty glass in front of you.

"Careful," Joe warned, sliding it away from you, just in case.

"But obviously I'm awful for even bringing it up,"

Joe saw you look around, in search of Mark, he assumed. You got up a little from your seat, and leant heavily on the small table.

Unable to find him, you opted to just shout, "I'm clearly the worst friend," loudly into the room.

With a warm palm to your shoulder, Joe pushed you to sit back down and as you fell into your chair, your head bobbled.

You looked like you could use some sleep.

Or, some food.

You sighed deeply, clearly annoyed at... everything. Mark, mostly.

Looking at you, there was an overwhelming feeling to protect within Joe. To shield, even if he was unaware of what, exactly.

He just... he needed to make sure you were safe, and he'd use the excuse of Mark keeping tabs on him again if he needed to. It was an easy cover-up. Even if the two of you were fighting, you knew Mark would still need to make sure you were all right. But the way Joe was prepared to throw his own flesh and blood in between you and whatever could do you harm felt new. 

He could’ve never seen it coming.

You were strong. Held the strength of thousands. Were stubborn and didn’t let people mess with you. You could be harsh, and sharp, and if Joe said something wrong, you would always make him feel that he did. Would just get up and leave without feeling bad about it. 

But now Joe understood it was all coping. It was how you’d been shaped. By the years. By others. And Joe wanted to undo it. To fix it. Keep you safe.

From where he was sat, he made eye-contact with Poppy's mother. She looked a little worried, but Joe just smiled. Gave her a little wave. Signaled it was all good, even though he really wasn't sure if it was. 

De-escalate. Take deep breaths. They always helped.

Joe kept looking around. Seeing if he could find Mark after not finding him in the spot he'd been in before. He either needed to get the two of you together, or needed to keep you as far apart as possible at this party. He wasn’t sure which one was better right now. But he needed to at least know of Mark’s whereabouts so that he could decide what was best later. 

A loud gulp of air next to him made Joe turn to look at you.

You were crying. Holding it in, doing deep breaths to not let any audible sobs out, but your mascara was leaving dark tear stains all the way down to your chin.

“Fuck," Joe muttered, and was quick. Looked for napkins, checked tables and the bar surface, but there were none. He then patted his pockets, and immediately screwed up his face - did Joe think he was carrying a handkerchief? Had he ever done that in his life? 

Without anything else around, he then just used his forearm and pressed the inside of it over your cheek, getting the left side of your face. 

You immediately grabbed hold of it, and turned Joe’s arm in your hands to show him what he’d done. 

Black and brown make-up stains on his white sleeve.

“I’ll have it dry cleaned,” he said, twisting his arm out of your grip, “Close your eyes,” and then, he got the other cheek. 

You couldn’t help but laugh. Of course Joe didn’t wash his own shirts. 

"I think I need to leave," you then hiccuped, eyes still closed, Joe now softly wiping the fabric of his shirt against your face. He used the hem to get real close under your eyes, letting fresh tears disappear into the cotton.

"Nah, just need to sober up," Joe said, all casual. Like you hadn't just made an awful entrance and were very clearly ruining your best friend's wedding shower.

"Here." Joe then said, and pushed the second glass of water towards you a little. You'd assumed before that that was Joe's glass, but noticed it was still full and realised he'd gotten both glasses for you to drink. 

"They want you here. You're the best man after all,"

"I'm not so sure anymore," you said after downing more water. "He said some dumb shit, about how I always think everyone's in love with me," you winced, "Knows right where to fucking stab me,"

"Joe!"

Poppy called for him, and when Joe looked, he saw she was smiling. Happily chatting away in a group of girls, some of them bridesmaids, and she beckoned him to come over.

"All right, finish that. I'll be right back, okay? Don't move." Joe said to you before he dashed off.

You watched him walk away before your eyes landed on the glass in front of you.

Water was stupid. Tasted of nothing but your own saliva.

Water could go and fuck itself, like Mark could go fuck himself.

Water could go suck a million dicks, for all you cared.

You wanted more gin.

Mark sucked. And gin didn't.

Poppy pulled Joe into conversation. The girls said Joe's suit had to match their bridesmaids dresses, since he was part of their group. Joe agreed, politely smiled, said he'd wear whatever shade of pink he had to. Poppy swore he looked good in anything, and Joe jokingly agreed that he did.

People were laughing. Having fun. Some started dancing, and Joe thought to himself that this wedding shower was fun. Poppy was smiling, and so he was happy too.

Joe didn't forget about you, but in the crowd, being amongst people, he got swallowed up into conversation for a little bit. Into jokes. Into chats with friends and family, and people were interested in him. Wanted to know all sorts of things, asked him questions, wanted to tell him things.

When Joe eventually made his way back over after a little bit, you were gone, and your table held five glasses - one still with some water in. Four empty. Three with straws in.

Shit.

You'd not listened at all; hadn't finished the water, and you'd clearly moved.

The venue wasn't huge, but it was fairly packed. Looking around, it was impossible to quickly spot you.

He spotted Mark, though.

"Hey,"

"She's vomming," Mark said,

"Toilets?"

"Toilets."

Joe nodded, but didn't walk off yet.

"Do I... should we put her in a cab?"

Mark sighed and found his phone to check the time. The party had been going for a bit already, and Joe could tell he was annoyed.

"Where's Pop?"

"Mingling,"

"Okay, good. That's good."

A silence fell where Mark seemed to think about what would be the best course of action.

"We didn't give plus ones to people we know aren't seeing anyone," Mark then suddenly said, answering a question Joe didn't ask.

"That's why we didn't–"

"Yea man, no worries," Joe quickly replied. He needed Mark to know it wasn't an issue for him at all. Joe didn't want to be the cause of more drama, just wanted to make sure the rest of the night ran as smoothly as it could. Needed to, for Poppy.

"My mum's with her now, but–"

"I'll go, I'll take her outside and get her into a cab." Joe interjected, feeling like he should be the one to handle this. He was the maid of honour who had organised the wedding shower, after all.

"You and Poppy can stay," Joe pointedly said. Then he took Mark by both the shoulders, shook him firmly and pressed, "Celebrate. It's your wedding shower."

Mark turned to see Poppy laughing loudly. Good. Mark cared about a lot of things, but right now, the most important thing was for Poppy to enjoy herself tonight.

Joe found you in the ladies. Mark's mother was stood by the sinks with you, doing her best to wash and wipe the vomit from your hair.

You were a full mess of a girl.

"I'm taking over," Joe said, smiling politely.

"Are you taking her home?"

Joe had told Mark he'd just throw you into a taxi, but his mother made him commit to bringing you all the way to your doorstep.

"Of course," Joe had no other choice.

"Darling," Mark's mother turned back to you and grabbed hold of your face with both hands. A wide grin spread across it as your eyes remained closed. "You're going to get home, eat something, and go to sleep,"

The mere thought of food made you shudder.

"Nothing crazy, just some bread or something, carbs," she quickly added.

When Mark's mother turned to look at Joe again, Joe took it as his sign to take over.

"Come on, we're leaving. Let's go,"

Joe held out an arm, which was meant to just guide you. Get you in front of him so he could maybe hover both hands close to your shoulders to make sure you didn't bump into anything on your way out. Instead, you took hold of it and curled into it, and suddenly Joe had his arm around your neck as you leant into his side and he had to focus all his energy into keeping a straight face.

Getting you outside was easy. Getting rid of the blush on his cheeks wasn't. The fresh air made you push yourself into Joe more, and it made Joe mentally have to count to ten.

Joe was shielding and, fuck, it felt amazing, but he knew he was overstepping. There was no way in hell Joe was going to let people - let you be able to accuse him of taking advantage of a situation. Nothing he was going to do could lead to accusations, Joe needed to make sure of it. Nothing.

Deep breaths. They always helped.

And Joe had to take more deep breaths when a taxi stopped in front the two of you, and you didn't really make any moves to get in by your own accord.

Joe had to use his arms, his hands, his fingers, to manoeuvre you into the backseat and get you into a seatbelt.

"Where to, mate?"

And that's when Joe realised he didn't know your address.

He knew whereabouts you lived - he had walked you home that one time, remember? But what the fuck was your address?

"Um," Joe squeezed his eyes shut for a second.

What the fuck was your address?!

He could contact Poppy, or Mark, but the second he thought of either of them receiving a text or a call from him, he knew how that would make their mood drop. Joe didn't want to be a bother. Couldn't let you be more of a bother than you already had been.

"Just..." Joe looked at you. You were already asleep.

Then, he gave is own address to the cab driver and slid across the seat to get into his own seatbelt.

All right.

This was fine.

Joe had bread. He could give you some bread, have you sleep on his sofa, make sure you were actually okay, and, Joe checked his phone for the time, there'd still be enough time to make it back to the party.

Yes.

This was going to be fine.

You were going to be fine.

But Joe looked over, and you had your head slumped forward and were hanging into every turn and it looked painful.

Protect. Keep you safe.

Joe sighed, undid his seatbelt, got into the seat next to you, buckled up again, and used careful hands to push you into him. Give you something to rest your head on.

And you fucking snuggled.

Deep breaths, Joe. It wasn't that far to go still.

Joe took deep breaths for the rest of the trip, and then Joe took deep breaths as he held you up by slinging one of your arms around his neck as he got you into his house.

More deep breaths when he let you fall back onto his sofa and he saw your dress had ridden up.

More deep breaths as he went to the kitchen to get you bread like Mark's mother had said, and water too. A paracetamol sounded like a good plan as well.

More deep breaths when Joe stepped back into his living room to find an empty sofa.

Footsteps on his stairs.

Fuck.

Joe called for you, followed where the noise came from, and saw you disappear onto the landing.

Fucking fuck. Shit.

With the bread, water, all of it in hand, Joe quickly toed his shoes off and rushed up the stairs after you. Picked up the handbag you'd dropped halfway. He heard the rustling of his duvet and knew he was too late.

Tonight Joe was going to be the one to sleep on the sofa.

Joe wasn't prepared for the sight of you in his bed, your feet still in heels that stuck out on the side. It made him feel too many things at once, your face pressed into his pillow, on his side of the bed. He didn't even care that he'd just witnessed someone washing vomit from your hair.

He placed the water, food and medicine down on his bedside table and knelt down to take your shoes off for you.

Joe was touching the skin of your ankles with his fingertips and he felt his face heat up. Your little hums did not help in the slightest, and even though Joe loved them, none of this felt right.

Joe was overstepping.

With your shoes removed, you slid both legs under the covers and moved to get more comfortable.

"All right," Joe whispered, leaning a little closer to catch sight of your face. "There's some dry bread here on the side, some water, a tablet if you need it, your bag's here, on the floor, and–"

"Mmmhm, 's just a nap," you interrupted and reached a hand up that found Joe's cheek to pat.

It burnt his skin, and he wanted to smile. To allow himself to enjoy your touch, but he couldn't.

Joe reached to draw the covers over your more, tuck you in a little before he'd head out again, and it was the worst thing he could've ever done. Because your hand found his arm and suddenly, you were holding onto Joe's shirt and pried your eyes open to look at your own make-up stains.

"Go, have a nap," Joe cooed, trying to create distance, and fully expected you to close your eyes. You were drunk, so you'd probably fall asleep fast.

Instead, Joe felt his heart skip several beats when you softly said, "Nap with me."

Inhale. Hold.

Hold.

Hold.

Joe couldn't fuck things up any more than he already had, but you were in his bed, on his side of it, and you just asked him to get in as well and, what the fuck?! Joe was just a man. One with insides that churned at the sight of you, even now, all drunk. All soft. And the pillows looked cool, and clean, and inviting. And you asked him to nap with you.  

Exhale.

Joe thought of Poppy.

Thought of Mark.

Thought of how you and Mark met. How you became friends.

Thought of how everything that had happened tonight had lead him to this exact moment.

There was no way Joe was going to go back to the party, still. He should. Probably should, you know, for Poppy. Really didn't want to, though.

He wanted to get into bed with you.

He shouldn't. Really shouldn't. But fuck, he really wanted to. And he could, maybe, if he kept his clothes on. Right? That would be okay, wouldn't it?

Joe took too long. Hovered in the space above you for too long. So you decided for him by also grabbing hold of Joe's arm with your other hand and turning over, essentially encasing yourself into his arm like you'd done earlier when Joe'd lead you outside.

And then you scooted over, further into the bed. Made space behind you, and didn't let go of Joe, pulling him in.

Yea, Joe wasn't going to go back to the party.

Gently, Joe laid down behind you, hoped and prayed you didn't notice- didn't feel the effect it all had had on him below his belt.

"I love a good nap," you whispered, all breathy and gentle, and like you'd done in the cab, you snuggled. Joe had to bite his bottom lip not to let any noise escape him.

Deep breaths.

You were in Joe's bed, in Joe's arms, and you were safe.

Joe got to keep you safe, and suddenly, it all felt right like nothing had been more right ever before.

Rest now, Joe told himself. She's not going anywhere.

---

The Taglisted: 

@ghostinthebackofyourhead @dirtyeddietini @jasminearondottir @josephquinned @cancankiki @sidthedollface2 @dylanmunson @munsonsgirl71 @thefemininemystiquee @alana4610 @emmamooney @thatonefan-girl @paola-carter @figmentofquinn @haylaansmi @thewondernanazombie @munsonmunster @kellysimagines @mybffjoe @chaoticgood-munson @sherrylyn628 @bdpst-massacre @05secondsofsexgods @lovelyblueness @adoreyouusugar @nadixq @prozacandnicotine @munsonswhore86 @alwayslindie @breddiemunson @eddie-joe-munson @ali-in-w0nderland @pepperstories @phyllosilicate-s  @thebellenouvelle @luvrsbian @joesquinns @choke-me-eddie @alizztor @jnnyrd @did-it-work @capricornrisingsstuff @quinnsbower @frogers @kennedy-brooke @daleyeahson @eddielives1986 @harringtonfan4 @sadbitchfangirl

(taglist currently full, sorry)

[jqmalikhsgib]

stars

nine

yn adjust the camera making sure it didn’t show her baby bump. she is about to do an interview discussing the album and fenty beauty. she didn’t need to world to see her bump just yet.

“rihanna! it’s so great to have you on the show!”

yn smiles. “it’s great to be here!” she states honestly. yn is really excited to discuss more about the album and she’s really excited to discus more about fenty beauty. she’s been working on her cosmetic line for a few years now! wanting everything to be absolutely perfect.

yn is now onto making her last name into an even bigger brand. she’s now getting into the fashion world and making sexy lingerie, bras, a few t-shirt designs, even making men boxers and everything you could think of. yn is ready for this new era in her life!

this just means she gets to be home more with her babies and her husband. she’d still travel here and there, but she’d be able to work from home instead of moving around too much.

aaron’s excited about that. he’d expressed he’s going to be putting in less hours as well! with derek and david willing to help out with more paperwork, he figured he could take advantage of that so he could get home to his family as soon as possible.

“so, we saw you’re currently married. congratulations are in order!”

“thank you!”

“how’s married life treating you? from our end you look absolutely stunning!”

yn blushes. “yeah, it’s been great! my husband and i got married two months back. we’re really enjoying married life. although if you talk to my mother she’d say we were already married. just made it official in the court of law.” yn giggles.

“mothers are always speeding up the process. id like to think mine just wanted me and my husband to give her grandchildren right after the wedding.”

yn laugh.

“how’s the album coming along? we hear this one’s gonna be the last for awhile.”

“yeah, im in the process of doing other projects. it just came down to wanting to spend as much time with the people i love, you know? ill get back into my music eventually. for now i think the fans will enjoy other plans i have!”

“like fenty beauty, correct?”

“yeah!”

“how long have you been working on your cosmetics line?”

“for about two years! i wanted it to be perfect and inclusive! so many different skin tones out there, you know? i have family members with darker complexions than mine. a lot of times they couldn’t find the right foundation or concealer. i wanted to make sure that everyone feels included. not left in the dust!”

“i understand that completely. took me awhile to find one that matches my skin tone even slightly. what else can we expect from fenty beauty?”

“it won’t just be makeup, it’ll also lead to having a better skin care routine. i just got a few family members into taking better care of their skin. you wouldn’t believe what most of them said they use for their skin.” yn shivers.

“well, i for one am really excited about fenty beauty and about this next album. when can we expect another single? and do you have a date for when the album is released?”

“the next single is out the twenty-second and the album will be released the eight of next month! along with a few other surprises!” yn winks into the camera.

“you heard it here first, folks! rihanna album will be released february eight! that was rihanna. thank you for your time, ri.”

“thank you for having me.” yn waves before shutting her laptop. she turns over and spots aaron staring at her. “what?” she blushed.

“just—you’re so fucking beautiful.” aaron kisses her shoulder.

“baby,”

“i mean it.”

yn leans over and aaron kisses her passionately. “how much time we got?” aaron groans.

yn turns to look at the clock. jessica currently has jack. she took him to the park to give yn alone time for the interview.

“twenty minutes.”

aaron smirks. “that’s enough time!”

[janners]

Green Eyes

Neteyam (17) x Human!reader (18)

warnings : childhood friends to lovers, fluff..?, slowburn ish, angsty angst, death, mental health, illness

word count : 18.7k

a/n: Another angst one after posting my fluff fic HAHA I live to write angsty shit. Originally it was going to be around like 10k but obviously that didn’t happen so it took longer than expected. The beginning is mostly about you but then it does reach Neteyam content after a bit since it's slowburnish.

_

Throughout Neteyams life, he was like his mother. Not wanting to interact with anything Skypeople related. Despite his dislike for Skypeople, there were distant memories of a certain young girl that always seemed to be stuck in the back of his mind. Most nights filled with frustration and confusion as to who you were. Sometimes dreams would show him his younger self with a faceless girl running around the village playing and picking flowers in the forest. He kept this to himself, not sure if anyone would be able to help him with this mystery.

During the passing days, Neteyam always sees his brother and sister going in the direction of the lab to see their tawtute friends. He never understood why they were so fond of the certain people they met with. Always talking highly of them when coming back from their mini adventure. Especially when Kiri talks about a girl who she is fond of most. The talk of the girl had gotten his attention from time to time wondering if it was possible that she could be the girl he has memories about. But the thought disappears in doubt, not knowing if the girl really exists.

_

When the war was over, two small children remained on Pandora with a couple scientists while the rest of the humans went back to Earth. One boy named Spider and an older girl named Y/n. Spider was the child who was quite chaotic, while you were quite the same but just a little toned down. You had a very adventurous spirit when you were younger, always curious about everything and wandering off on your own. You had also met a few Na’vi kids that you came close with before you became sick.

10 years ago

“PLEASE NORM. I want to explore the forest pleeeasse”

Being eight years old, you wanted nothing more than to explore the large forest. Everyday you would ask Norm or Max at least once hoping they would say yes. Though you’ve gotten no each and every attempt. You tried staying on your best behaviour the past couple weeks anticipating that they would say yes at some point. When you asked today, Norm didn’t have his usual straight face when he was about to reject your wants. Instead there was a small smile that made its way on his lips.

“I was just about to talk to you about that. I was wondering if you wanted to accompany me to the Omatikaya clan?”

Your eyes glimmered in excitement, going into the forest was one thing but the clan? That was even better than you could’ve imagined. Jumping up and down eager to get going, you kept pushing and pulling Norm in different directions as he was collecting things to bring with him. As he finished packing his essential things, he held your hand walking to the door. He grabbed a smaller mask and crouched down to secure it one you face. He told you to wait here while he went to link with his Avatar. After a couple minutes the door opens revealing a very tall Norm. You shield your face with your arm from the bright light as you step outside for the first time. Lowering your arm slowly, your mouth gaped open seeing the forest in person.

The green looked more vibrant compared to the window view and the flora was gorgeous. Your small hand is still in the grasp of Norms large blue hand while walking down a certain path towards the village. Lifting your head up, you see syaksyuk swinging from tree to tree as some peer down at your figures in curiosity. Continuing along the path you also spot a few yerik grazing on the grass and small plants around them. Getting closer and closer you hear sounds of chatter. Norm greeted a warrior who was at the village borders before entering the village. You lean closer into Norm, not used to the stares from the clan members. You reach a large tent, much larger than the others. Walking in you spot a family, you quickly noticed Jake who waved to the both of you. Jake comes to visit the lab every once in a while to check on everyone. Everytime he came, you would be ready to give him a new trinket you made.

You waved back with a shy smile as you still hid behind Norm. Norm stepped to the side and pushed his hand gently against your back to introduce yourself to the rest. Jake quickly told the kids to greet you as well. You look to Norm to make sure it was okay to go ahead, he gave you a curt nod telling that it was okay. As he walked away to talk with Jake and Neytiri, the tall kids walked to you with caution. They walk circles around you, studying your strange features and the device on your face. Two of them approached and grabbed your hands observing them before comparing them to their own hands. Their eyes held amazement as they were the same. The third child only watched from a distance, still wary of your presence. They started talking in Na’vi, you couldn’t understand all of it but picked up a few words from it. Norm started teaching not too long ago, but you were a quick learner.

The two were asking their mother a question, something along the lines of “forest…take her?”

Neytiri looked at you with sceptical eyes as she still wasn’t very fond of Norm either, but seeing as you were much smaller compared to them she thought it would be okay just once. She gave them a brief nod, they squealed in excitement as they held your hands dragging you out of the tent.

Not really sure what to do, you just went along. It seemed as though they were taking you to the forest but a different area. Trailing behind you was the other child, he kept a close eye on you not sure if you were harmless to them. As he watched your movements, he also caught the glimpse of wonder in your eyes. Coming to a stop, you look around observing your surroundings. It was a small clear area that was surrounded by large trees and plants. Right in the middle was a pond with small fish swimming around. Your smile at them showing all your teeth while your eyes were wide with curiosity. The smaller boy talked in broken English, mixed with some simple Na’vi words.

“My tstxo is Lo’ak and this Kiri.”

He then pointed towards his older brother. “Tsmukan, Neteyam”

You smile in delight knowing all their names, you then try your newly learned N’avi to introduce yourself. You point to yourself.

“Oe y/n”

Neteyam tilted his head by the odd Na’vi attempt. He turned to Lo’ak speaking fluently.

“fo nìNa'vi plltxe nìfya'o a hek” (They speak Na’vi strangely)

Confused by what he said, you turn to Lo’ak to see if he might translate. But he was looking at his brother as if he was dumb.

“po poltxe nìlaw letam natawtute” (She spoke clearly enough as Skyperson)

Neteyam stuck his tongue out at him while Lo’ak mocked him back. A small giggle left your mouth watching the funny scene. Kiri had come closer to you, saying in broken english that you spoke decent Na’vi for a tawtute. You took it as a compliment as you were working hard to become fluent someday. After introducing yourselves, Lo’ak suggested that they all play tag, something he learned from his father. You agree in joy, never having the chance to play tag with this many before. Normally you only really play with Spider, he’s probably bored at the lab right now. Lo’ak was it, he started counting down from 10 to give everyone a head start. You followed Neteyam as you weren’t familiar with the forest. You all heard Lo’ak yell his heart out ready to capture you all. Hours passed as you all continued playing, Lo’ak captured you multiple times since you were much slower compared to them all.

Eventually the day had to come to an end. Norm and Jake called for all of you to come back to the village to say goodbye. You all had bonded quite well for the first time meeting. Jake and Norm watched as they all looked a little sad to be parting ways. They give each other a look before they sigh in unison. Jake bent down to meet their eye levels,

“How do you feel if Y/n visits 3 days a week?”

All four of them yelled yes multiple times. Jake gave Norm a look of confirmation, Norm looked at you for a second seeing you give him puppy dog eyes. He exhaled through his nose while pursing his lips while giving both you and Jake a nod. You threw your hands up in exhilaration. You give each of the sully kids a hug before heading back to the lab. Reaching the edge of the village line, you look back once more, giving the biggest wave with both hands to the Sullys. Reaching the lab, you went to Spider’s room to tell him everything about the outside world. He wasn’t quite old enough yet to go out so telling him would cheer him up about you going. As days pass, you continue visiting the Sullys to play and hangout. The one day you went out, you felt a bit tired before heading outside. You waved it off thinking it would go away. As you walked towards the spot you guys claimed, the journey had you heaving. You weren’t sure why you were having such trouble breathing. You ignored it once more thinking it wasn’t a huge deal. Stepping into the area, you see Lo’ak, Kiri, and Neteyam talking as they wait for you.

Greeting them with a scare, they tackled you into a hug. Laughing in joy, you completely forgot about the pain residing in your body. All of you decided to play tag once again, never getting sick of the game. Neteyam was it this time. Giving you all a head start, you guys sprint away not wanting to get caught. As you were running the pain returned but doubled, you fell to your knees coughing violently. Hands digging into the Earth, gasping for air as you kept coughing. One last hard cough came from your trembling body. Tears of pain were running down your flushed cheeks. You look down slightly to the glass of your mask. Red liquid drips from right in front of your mouth. Blood? Panic set into your system from the sight of your blood. Your vision begins to blur as you struggle to breathe. From a distance you hear yelling, you weren’t sure who. Just before you could think of who it may be, you went unconscious.

_

You’re 18 now. That day you first passed out was the last time you ever went outside. You were bedridden for a while before being able to walk around again. The tests that Norm ran never helped. It seemed that your immune system was too weak for the Pandora atmosphere causing you to develop a deadly disease. It wasn’t contagious much to everyone's relief but you being the only one having it had them numb. A mere 8 year old getting an unknown disease.

Since that day, the only rule that was set against you was, “No going outside” which made you upset. Everyday you look out your window, gazing at the forest with sorrow in your eyes. Though instead of moping around all day, at age 12 you started watching a woman's logs. Her name was Grace, the way she talked about Pandora and everything about it made you want to continue her studies. Norm continued to help you with Na’vi speaking, while you started studying more about the life of Pandora and the science behind it. It wasn’t until about you were 14 that Lo’ak and Kiri started coming to the lab. When you saw them for the first time in years, you ran into their arms with zero hesitation. They even started bringing their younger sister along, and she was a very energetic child. Spider was also old enough to go out himself and join the Sully kids. You were envious of him, but you didn’t let it ruin your sibling relationship with him. Everyday when he returned, he would tell you everything he saw and did. Even told you about new plants and flora he discovered to add into your studies.

The one thing you always wondered was why Neteyam never came by. Lo’ak told you that he began training a lot due to being the eldest. Although you understood, you missed him. When you first met him you knew he was wary of you, but a close bond formed after he knew you were good. You were the closest with him before you had your problem appear. But after 10 years of not seeing him, he eventually became a distant memory to sometimes look back on. Lo’ak and Kiri continued to grow, as well as you. Unfortunately your condition grew with you, being more sick than you usually were.

_

Waking up was difficult these days, all you wanted to do was stay in bed and gaze out the window. The only thing keeping you going is the work you dedicated yourself to. Getting up, you slip on your slippers heading to your work space. Your hair was like a nest, bags under your eyes, back hunched over. You grab your lab coat and throw it over your shoulder while grabbing coffee. You walk to Norm and give him a quick good morning before settling into your chair. Just as you relaxed, the sound of large footsteps echoed. You spun your chair to face the sound. Kiri, Tuk, and Lo’ak came in waving towards you. As you wave back, you spin back around to start your studies. Kiri appeared beside your desk peering down onto your work.

“You should take a break, you know. I don’t want you getting more sick from overworking yourself”

You lift your head to meet Kiris face. Giving her a gentle smile, you lift up one of your pages showing it to her. Your voice was raspy from it being constantly sore due to coughing and heaving throughout the days.

“I wish I could but this work isn’t going to help itself. Plus working keeps me at ease, you should know that Kiri”

Chuckling softly as you watch her expression go from concern to a really? look. Just as you were about to ask something, Tuk tugged on your arm. You bring your other arm up to pat her head.

“Hey Tuk how’ve you been?”

Tuk had a wide smile displayed on her face.

“I’ve been good! How about you lefpom?”

Lefpom, a nickname she gave you because you always seemed happy around her. Your hand touched hers as you answered that you’ve been good as well. You tell her to go find Spider and scare him with Lo’ak. She nods while having a cheeky grin plastered on her face. As she went out of earshot you turned back to Kiri with a tired look. A minute of silence before you started to talk again quietly.

“It’s been getting worse Kiri…”

Kiri was the only one who knew about your worsening condition, not even Norm. You could tell by her face that she was upset. Throughout the tough years, Kiri really was the only one you could trust with these details. If Lo’ak found out or Norm, you would not hear the end of it.

“What happened in your study for this condition? I thought you were getting close?”

There was a small strain in her voice as she spoke. You could only sigh while you hang your head low.

“I gave up on that months ago. Nothing worked Kiri, it’s all a waste.”

You hand rubbing your forehead in exhaustion, you push the papers towards Kiri. All of them had big red X’s across them indicating each failed attempt. Kiri knelt down to reach your level, she gently put her head against your arm. You rest your head on top of hers to comfort her. You whisper softly.

“It’ll be fine. I’m still here and alive, that’s all that matters as of right now.”

You tried hard to suppress your tears, not wanting Lo’ak and Tuk see you in such a vulnerable state. You hear footsteps nearing once more, you quickly wipe the loose tears and give Kiri one last hug before they all head out leaving you behind once more. You wave them all off telling them to be careful, while Lo’ak remarks “yes mother” in the most sarcastic tone. Rolling your eyes, you say bye nice and loud as you shut the door. You slowly bring your hand back in your lap looking through the window as you watch them disappear in the forest. You wish you could join them, but going outside would be too risky in your current condition. Huffing in frustration, you wander around the lab a bit to get your mind going and distracted. Going into a specific room, you slowly approach the floating Avatar, which was Graces. Right behind hers was yours. You drag your feet to reach your Avatar. It was only last year that Norm surprised you with it, but not once have you used it. Afraid that you’d get used to it too much to the point you’d forget that you have this life sucking disease. Afraid that you would get too attached, and then ending up dead within only a few short years.

Hand gently touches the glass as you study the face of your Avatar. You were too focused not noticing Norm enter the room. He watched as a dull look washes over your face when studying your Avatar. Norm gifted the Avatar to you so that you would be able to go out again. But you were too worried about your condition and decided against it even though you were grateful for the Avatar.  He could only feel horrible for not being able to figure out this disease, he knew how much you wanted to experience the forest once more. He knocked on the side of the wall to grab your attention. Snapping out of your daydreaming, you turn your head seeing Norm leaning against the doorframe.

“I made some food, come eat”

You nod, glancing back once more to your floating Avatar before following after Norm.

_

Kiri, Lo’ak, Tuk and Spider all walk towards the village. Kiri thought long and hard about how she could possibly help you. She knows you said not to tell anyone, but the idea of telling her grandmother could really assist you. Lo’ak noticed Kiri’s furrowed expression, and slightly bumped her with his hip to snap her out of her deep thinking. Kiri blinked, turning her head to Lo’ak with a questionable look.

“You’ve looked like that since we left the lab. Did something happen?”

“No nothing, just some things running through my mind.”

Lo’ak looked unsure with her reply but carried on. They reached the village, Tuk ran around straight away joining her friends. Spider stayed by Lo’aks side as they head to the training grounds to fuck around with the weapons. As for Kiri, she went to the healing tent to talk with her grandmother. She opened the flap seeing Mo’at sitting grinding herbs. She takes a seat infront of her waiting till Mo’at speaks first.

“Kiri, is there something you need?”

Kiri shifts a little closer, leaning forward talking in a lowered voice.

“Is there a possible way you could join me at the lab at some point tomorrow?”

Mo’ats movements stop, lifting her head with a strange expression taking over her face.

“Why should I step foot there?”

She hesitated with her next words, trying to word it properly. Still unsure if she wanted to reveal your current situation to someone. Kiri pondered for a minute before blurting out what she needed to say.

“I have a friend who has an unknown disease and her condition is worsening by the day. I’m not sure if you remember her, her name is y/n?”

Mo’at eyes widened at the name. It has been a while since she last saw you, a mere child. She knew you were a good child, and hearing an unknown disease being uncovered made her worried.

“Is she not able to come to the village, she did when she was a child?”

“The disease is the reason why she cannot come out here. Her system is too weak for the environment here” Kiri sighed

Mo’at was deciding if going would benefit both. She did not want a disease to grab a clan member and not know how to treat it. Nor did she want you to suffer. After thinking for a little while, she decided to join Kiri on her next trip to the lab, which happens to be tomorrow. Kiri thanked her, grateful that you might finally get the help you need. One thing neither of them noticed was the presence of a certain older brother lurking outside of the tent.

Neteyam had gotten hurt at the shooting range due to Lo’aks antics with Spider. The arrow had grazed his arm causing a bit of blood to drip down his arm. He wasn’t sure why he put up with Lo’aks skxawng ass. Trudging to the tent to get paste for the cut, he paused hearing chatter going on inside. Normally he doesn’t eavesdrop but Kiri’s voice caught his attention. Ears picking up the words, disease, friend, y/n…? That name felt familiar to him, he just couldn’t remember from where. He leans in closer hearing his grandmother saying that she will accompany Kiri to the lab. He never expected her to step on tawtute grounds, it must be serious if she was leaving the village to see a mere human.  Waiting another minute to see if the conversation was over before entering the tent. Giving a small greeting to Mo’at, he goes to sit in front of Kiri showing his cut. Kiri mumbled Lo’ak? and he could only nod with a huff.

He contemplates on bringing up their topic from earlier, wanting to come along on the trip out of curiosity. Fiddling with his fingers he decided to just say what he wanted to say.

“Can I accompany you both to the lab?”

Both Kiri and Mo’at paused looking up at Neteyam in unison. They make eye contact before looking at Neteyam once more. Kiri spoke up first.

“Why”

“I was curious about who you were talking about, this y/n girl. It sounds familiar.”

Her brows furrowed and eyes squinted at Neteyams words. He didn’t remember you? She thought it was odd seeing as you two were the closest when you were younger. Though it made sense a little bit knowing you haven’t seen each other in years. She looked to Mo’at to see if she cared. She only tilted her head making the decision for Kiri to decide. Pursing her lips, she said okay as she patched the rest of his cut up. Kiri wasn’t fully sure if his presence would be a good idea considering how long it’s been since you last saw him, but it could be good too. Neteyam gave her a quick thanks, standing up to exit the tent.

Neteyam was in deep thought as he headed back to the family tent. He didn’t know why the name y/n sounded so familiar. Lately due to his intense training, it’s like he can’t remember much from his childhood and it was frustrating. One thing that frustrated him most was the constant appearance of a girl in his mind.

_

You didn’t get a wink of sleep, the pain in your body kept you up all night. You roll to lay on your back, staring at the ceiling with a tired expression. Ever since this disease surfaced you always had pessimistic thoughts. Not having much hope in curing whatever you had, accepting the chance of possible death. There were still times you coughed up blood, mostly on days you hurt most. Those days were like hell, it felt as if your skin was on fire, lungs constricted, barely being able to move your own body. It would last for hours until it finally settled. Sighing, you sit up, groaning in ache as you stretch your limbs slightly. Walking over to your cabinet, you open it to reveal a variety of painkillers and cold patches. Grabbing the strongest one, you pop two in your mouth and washing it down with your day old water. Then grabbing a few cold patches and placing it on the back of your neck, multiple areas on your back, and your shoulders.

You drag your body to Grace's old working area, you turn on her logs to watch through again for the thousandth time. You could never get bored of her logs, you could watch them forever if you could. Minutes pass before a knock catches your attention, you turn to see Kiri with a nervous smile. You give her a confused look, normally she’d come right up and greet you. Kiri claps her hands together, she avoids eye contact with you as she speaks in a quiet tone.

“I know you told me not to tell anyone but I had an idea about asking my grandmother to see if she could figure out what your condition was-”

You interrupted her with a sharp whisper.

“What?!”

“I know! I know! But I just had to, she is Tsahik and she is better than these machines.”

Burying your face in your hands as you groan softly. You pinch the bridge of your nose not knowing how to react to this situation right now. You asked if anyone else knew, but telling from her face you couldn’t help but sigh.

“I swear I only told her but apparently Neteyam overheard our talking”

“Neteyam…? He’s here?” Eyes blown wide. You haven’t heard that name in forever. Kiri slowly nods her head a little worried about how you’d react. But instead she got a worried expression.

“I’m not sure about this Kiri. What if it turns out to be worse than I thought it was. What if-” Your voice cracked. “What if we can’t get rid of it? What do we do then? Plus I’m not sure I really want Neteyam seeing me like this for the first time in years”

Kiri finally walks over to you, grabbing you by the shoulders.

“I’m sure it’ll be okay, my grandmother will help you I promise. As for Neteyam, I don’t think you should be worrying too much about him right now” Giving you a small smile.

Taking in a deep breath before exhaling, you give her a small nod. Her smile widens, she helps you up from the chair, making sure you stand properly. You appreciate her efforts in helping you, you felt lucky to have someone like her in your life. You stop her for a second to turn off the computer, she glanced at what you were doing before you shut it off. You started walking out of the room, heading towards where the other two Na’vi were waiting.

“You were watching my moms logs again?”

“Never get tired of em, you should know that” You give her a small bump with your hip teasingly.

Finally entering the room, you were nervous. You saw the backs of two familiar Na’vi. The first to turn was Mo’at, who gave you a concerned look as she took in your appearance. Then there was Neteyam, his face looked stunned yet confused. Did he not remember you? Turning back to Mo’at, you give her a small greeting.

“It’s been a while Tsahik”

She gave you a curt nod while waving her hand to signal you to come over. Mo’at glances at Kiri and Neteyam, telling them to wait in the other room as she studies your current state. Kiri gave you one last look of encouragement before dragging Neteyam with her as he tried hard to study your features. Something about you felt familiar to him, it was on the tip of his tongue.

You watch as they leave, turning back to Mo’at to start her observations. She sat you down on one of the near chairs, looking around your body to spot any abnormalities. After that she started doing some Tsahik practices on you to determine your health and damage that had been done. Mo’at had a concentrated face that did not falter throughout the practices. After a long hour or so, Mo’at stood up straight, huffing air out her nose. Another concerned look falls over her face, that makes you feel nauseous. Mo’at looks straight into your eyes, talking to you with a gentle voice.

“This sickness has done much permanent damage. I cannot do much about the current damage. I can give you herbs and medicine to help slow the process down of the disease but it’s possible that, that is all I can do for you. Your life span may be much shorter than expected.”

The world froze as those words left her lips. You had gone completely numb not knowing how to react to that news. You knew that this would’ve been a possibility but never did you think you would hear it. Body still in shock, Mo’at sighed and gave you a soft touch to your shoulder before leaving to the other room to give you some time. Knees slowly bending, your hand on the chair for support as your legs make contact with the cold floor. Your back hunches over as you try to process the words you received from Mo’at. A small drop of liquid crashes into the floor. Your hand comes up to your face feeling something wet on your cheeks. Tears. You were numb yet tears were running down your face. The painkillers had slightly worn off, the pain in your body slowly returning. I’m really going to die aren’t I? You chuckle bitterly at the thought before you finally start breaking down. Hand over your mouth to suppress your cries and heavy breathing. The other hand gripping your shirt tightly while hitting it against your chest. What about Norm? The Sullys? Spider? Graces studies? Your thoughts scrambling through your mind as you sob on the hard floor.

As you were crying, in the other room Kiri was worried deeply about how you were doing. She wasn’t sure if she should ask her grandmother about what happened as she walked in. Mo’at did not mention a single thing from the situation. Neteyam was still in deep thought wondering who you were and why you were so important to his siblings. Mo’at happened to notice an unfamiliar Avatar near Graces.

“Kiri, whose Avatar is that?”

Kiri stopped her pacing, ears perking at the mention of an Avatar. That had also caught Neteyams attention.

“It’s y/n’s”

A long silence filled the room. Mo’at felt perplexed about your Avatar, not knowing why she hasn’t seen you use it. Kiri saw her expression, but thought it was best to not say anything. Turning to Neteyam, Kiri saw him still in deep thought about you. She walked up to him and gave him a small tap on the shoulder pulling him from his thoughts. She tilts her head to the corner of the room wanting to talk with him. Kiri sat in the corner as Neteyam took the spot next to her. She twists her head to face him.

“Do you really not remember who y/n is?”

He could only sigh as he shook his head.

“Hm, remember when we were younger, there was a little girl who came to the village with Norm? That girl was y/n, one of our closest friends when we were children. Though, I understand your frustration, we didn’t see her until about 4 years ago. While you haven’t seen her in like 10 years. When we first saw her it was shocking to see her again.”

The moment Kiri mentioned a young girl who came to the village years back, gears started turning in his head. You must’ve been the girl he’s been seeing in his dreams and in his memories. He started thinking a little harder, more memories started flooding in, your face isn’t blurred anymore. Although you were just kids, you still looked like you.

“It really was her”

Kiri gave him a small smile while humming. She looks at the door hoping you would come out soon.

“The first time I see her in forever, and she’s sick.”

She rubs his back as her lips tightened. “It isn’t your fault, you’ve been busy with training. Especially since dad won’t give you a break”

The corner of her lips slightly raised. They sat in silence for a little longer until a creaking sound emerged. They all looked up at you, you had a smile on your face.

“Sorry for taking so long. I just had to gather my thoughts together.”

Your voice is quiet and raspy. Eyes with light red hues from the raw tears that were shed. Kiri had stood up swiftly, striding towards and giving you a crushing hug. You slowly wrap your hands around her, giving her a tight squeeze as if it was the last time you were going to hug her. Exhaling a long breath of air as your head rested on Kiri’s chest.

Neteyam could tell something was wrong as you and Kiri shared a long embrace. He noticed the slight falter in your expression when Kiri hugged you and the redness around your eyes and nose. Staying put in his spot, waiting until the quiet moment to end. Mo’at could only look at you with curious eyes when you entered with a smile moulding your face. A long minute passed before you pulled away from the hug. You look at Kiri, eyes forming into crescents as you give her a reassuring look. You didn’t want to lie to her, but it was best if you kept your permanent condition to yourself. You grab her hand gently.

“I am okay… Tsahik said that’d it’d all be okay. There are herbs that she can give me to help me through this horrible disease.”

Mo’at turned to you, eyes widening slightly to your words. Kiri looked at you with relief washing over her face then to exuberance. She grabbed your shoulders asking if you were absolutely serious, you could only nod your head with a half smile. Neteyam watched as Kiri looked overjoyed at the news. He too felt relieved but felt as if something was off with you. He would’ve thought that you would be just as joyous as Kiri but you only seem to give half the energy. But he didn’t look too into it especially since he hasn’t talked to you in 10 years and both of you changed a lot. Kiri waved him over to join in the happyfest of your healing. He felt a little awkward about joining in, he wasn’t sure if you were comfortable with him coming near you. Neteyam walks stiffly to your figures giving you both delicate pats on the shoulders. His eyes land on you, staring a bit longer than he should have. Studying your features, your cheekbones more visible, dark bags under your eyes, a paler complexion overall. Your head turned to meet his gaze. His focused face faltered into an awkward smile, not really knowing how to face you properly. Giving an awkward smile back, you gave him a small wave with your free hand.

_

The three of them eventually left you by yourself once again. Walking over to your room, you reach your bed and fall back onto the mattress. A long sigh left your lips, you moved to lay on your side to face the window. Gazing out, watching the wind blow through the plants, a small thought popped into your head. You said to yourself that you’d avoid using your Avatar but after hearing the news, maybe it was time to test it out. Kind of like a fuck it thought. Watching the outside world, eyes slowly closing shut, drowsiness finally catching up with you despite your pain. Your eyes opened once more, instead of your room being in your line of vision it was the forest. Looking around you were confused. It wasn’t until you finally breathed in, noticing that you didn’t have a mask. No pain was present either, just you and the forest completely healthy.

Taking small steps into the forest, admiring the plants all around you and the smaller animals. Minutes pass as you continue to appreciate the environment, before stumbling upon a small open area surrounded by the trees. A smaller tree that looked similar to a willow tree that used to be seen on Earth in the books you’ve read on Earth plants. It had beautiful green and brown colourations all over.  Slowly approaching the tree, you duck under the hanging leaves to reach the trunk of the tree. There was a soft patch of grass surrounding the base, you crouched down to sit comfortably against the wood. Relaxing your back as it made contact with the rough bark, hands wisping through the grass feeling the softness. You took a long breath in through your nose, closing your eyes as you exhaled. So this is what it felt like when I was younger.

Though you didn’t understand why you were here, you took the chance to soak up everything you can. Time passes as you stay in a peaceful state under the leaves. There was a sudden twinge in your chest, throat feeling dry. Next thing you knew you couldn’t breathe, gripping the grass in panic. Your eyes opened to find yourself in your room once more accompanied with a strong coughing fit. Hands grasping your sheets as you keep coughing. The last cough finally came out, liquid dripping down your chin. Sheets stained in splatters of bright red. Eyes moistening, hands releasing the sheets as your cheeks became wet. Crying for the second time today, it felt much worse this time. Frustration building up in your system as you wept, the urge to scream as if it would get rid of all your problems. And you did. The screaming led to you throwing your pillows across the room. Hitting objects, making things fall and clatter against the hard ground. You got up striding towards your small desk filled with info about plants. Grabbing them all with a tight fist, crumbling them in your grasp. You throw them all over the place, ripping a few as hot tears flushed your face. It felt long, in reality your breakdown lasted only a few short minutes. Sitting on the floor on your knees, chest rising up and down at a fast pace as you try to calm yourself. Dried up tears staining your cheeks, nose stuffy, dried blood on your lips and chin.

_

Early in the morning Norm went into the linking pod to start his day. He did his things in his Avatar form throughout the day. Went to the village to discuss some matters to Jake, came back to the lab area to finish any other chores. One thing he did notice though was three figures leaving the lab. He noticed Mo’at the most, not knowing why she came all the way here. It took him some time to realise what it may be about. He didn’t worry too much, especially seeing Kiri’s face which seemed to radiate happiness. Going on with his day, he couldn’t help but feel a hint of worry. Possible parent instincts? Who knew, but Norm just felt something was off. Another hour passed while the feeling was biting at him, he gave in and went to the Avatars tent to unlink. Unlinking, he lifted the pod lid, stretching his stiff limbs. Just as he steps out, he hears objects crashing in the direction of your room.

Norm ran towards your room, worried that something bad may have happened to you. Just as he reached your door, the clattering sounds went silent. Opening the door in a hurry, his eyes shifted all over. There were blood splatters on your bed and some on the floor. Papers and your belongings scattered everywhere. Some glass that had been shattered from a few of your things hitting each other. Eyes finally landing on the small figure on the cold floor. Face apathetic, dried blood staining your lower face, red eyes. Rushing to your body, not caring if your things were the way. Crouching down, grabbing your shoulders gently as he examines your face and body. A small sense of relief came as he noticed you weren’t hurt on the outside but extremely worried about the blood that came from inside. Without saying a word, he brought your body into his, embracing you into a warm hug. At times like these, you felt as if you were a child again. The hug made you breakdown once more, burying your face deeper into his chest. Norm had always felt like a parental figure to you. Him hugging you in times like these was something you really needed.

He continued keeping you in his hold, gently caressing the back of your head. Your crying never settled, tears constantly flowing down your face. All the years of pent up emotions, all coming out today. Norm couldn’t help but shed tears himself, seeing you in such a state made his heart hurt. An hour passed, both still stuck in the embrace. Sobs turned into sniffles and heavy breathing. Norm spoke in the softest tone he could.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

In return he got a head shake against his chest. His lips pursed while releasing a sigh. He rubs your back as he rests his head on top of yours.

“How about I get some food ready for you. Does that sound good? Get you cleaned up too?”

Feeling a light nod, he pulls away looking at your face. His expression is full of sombre as he looks at your fallen look. Helping you stand up, he assists you to the bathroom before leaving to cook some food.  You look into the mirror, a reflection of a person you don’t recognise. Tired eyes, sunken cheeks, pale skin, looking down to your hands, small cuts decorating them from the papers and glass. A quiet sigh left your body, slowly taking off your clothes and turning the shower on. Waiting for steam to be visible in the bathroom before touching the water. As the water cascaded down your body, the blood and tears were slowly disappearing. You sat down on the shower floor, letting the water hit against your skin, basking in the heat of the water. The steam made it a little hard to breathe but the steam was calming as well. The steam was like a safety blanket covering your frame. You lift your head to face the water, letting it gently hit your face. All you did was stay in the water, feeling too weak to use the products to fully clean yourself.

Minutes passed before you turned the shower off. Stepping out, the room filled with foggy steam. You grab the towel to wrap yourself in. Peeking out the door you see a pile of neatly folded clothes on the floor in front of the door. Norm must’ve finished the food and cleaned your room a bit. Grabbing the clothes, you take your time getting changed. You looked around your room, there were still bits and pieces on the ground but the majority had been put away. Dragging your feet to where Norm was, you see him patiently waiting for you to arrive. Your steps alerted him and he looked up to see you all cleaned up. He waves you over to sit and eat the bland looking eggs and toast on the plate. Feet pattering as you walk to the chair, pulling it out and taking a seat. You peer down at the plate, gently grasping the fork sitting beside it. Slowly eating the food in front of you, Norm had thoughts running through his head. He knew that your breakdown had something to do with your condition. The only thing that confused him was the look on Kiri’s face. If she was so happy after leaving then why were you acting the complete opposite. As you finished eating, Norm quickly gathered the plate and fork, putting them away in the sink before sitting back in front of you. His hand was gently placed on top of yours to show his support.

“I know earlier you said you didn’t want to talk about it, but I’m here to talk to, okay? Don’t hesitate to tell me anything.”

“I know…”

Finally talking, your voice hoarse and quiet from today's events. You both stand, Norm pulling you into another hug as he pats your head. The rest of the day you spent in bed, looking out the window. Taking pills ahead of time, the pain was at ease for now. It had started raining, the soothing taps against the glass slowly pulled you to sleep.

_

You had woken up to pain once more, but this time it didn’t bother you as much since you had a mission. Waking up earlier than Norm, you quietly wait for his presence so you could ask him a very important question. The nerves in your system couldn’t settle, overpowering the pain in your chest. Minutes passed before you heard footsteps nearing, turning your head you see a tired Norm. His eyes widened a bit as he saw you up and early.

“y/n? Whatcha doing up early? You’re usually not up at this time”

Unconsciously picking at your skin, you avert your eyes not ready for how he’ll react.

“I was uh, I was thinking it was time to take my… Avatar out…”

His brows furrowed but quickly changed into an excited expression. He strides towards your small figure, grabbing your shoulders gently and dragging you to the linking pods. Your first initial reaction was pure confusion, your face was all scrunched up. But then your eyes were wide open like saucers seeing the linking pods come into your view of vision. Norm turns you around to face you once more.

“Are you absolutely sure about this?”

Giving him a firm nod, he guides you to one of the pods. You watch as other people start getting things prepared, a few a little surprised at your sudden appearance in this room. Norm quickly set up one of the pods for you to lay in. As he was setting up he gave you some tips for when you end up linking to your Avatar. Seconds passed before Norm was dragging you again. He patted the open pod, you hopped on, swinging your legs up with you.

“Just remember to relax, and keep a clear mind.”

You give him a crooked smile as you nod your head briefly. Slowly lying down, Norm brought down the top, before closing it completely he gave you one last smile and thumbs up. As it closes, you close your eyes trying to make your mind go blank. In a second, your eyes opened once more, bright lights blinding you. Muffled sounds coming from around you. The first thing you really noticed was the lack of pain present. Adjusting to the light, you see scientists surrounding you. They were checking your hearing and your eyes. They asked if you were feeling okay, replying with a curt nod. Minutes passed as they continued to test your motor functions. All you could focus on was how light your entire body felt. For once your body feels relaxed and not tense 24/7. They gave you a change of clothes, a simple tank top and some shorts. Getting changed, you were beyond excited but also nauseous. It would be the first time going outside in forever. These thoughts completely made you forget about your other body.

You walked to the door that led to the outside world. Your hand reached for the latch but you hesitated. Worried that something bad would happen just like when you were younger. You took a deep breath in before exhaling from your nose. Gripping the handle, you open the door wide open. Bright lights blinded your eyes once more, but quickly adjusted just to see the vibrant outdoors. A wide smile graced your face, not believing that this moment finally came. Your eyes moved everywhere trying to take in the entire view. Then your eyes landed on an Avatar Norm who was walking towards you with some weird looking fruit in his hand. As he got closer he tossed you the fruit, catching off guard as you barely caught it.

You bite into the juicy fruit, a wave of new flavours hit you making you eat more of the fruit. Norm was chuckled at your reaction to the fruit. He pats your shoulder, tilting his head as he wants to show you more of the place. As you walk around, Norm shows you the different areas for the Avatars. The terrain was rough, especially when you opted out of shoes. You wanted the full experience of this body, something you weren’t able to do inside. Norm came to a full stop, making you bump into his back. You step back rubbing your nose, just as you were about to tell Norm off your voice got stuck in your throat. The forest was right in front of you. The vibrant green from the trees and plants once again in front of you after all these years. You couldn’t take your eyes off of the forest. Norm waved his hand by your face, snapping you out of your trance.

“Huh? What did you say?”

Norm only chuckled. “I was asking if you wanted to take a walk in the forest for old time sake?”

Your eyes glimmered in eagerness, quickly grabbing Norms arms dragging him in the dense forest. Not once did your eyes falter, a constant smile on your face to the point your cheeks were sore but that didn’t stop you. It felt like the exact moment you first went out 10 years ago. The flora looked even more beautiful than it did years ago, not to mention the softness from the grass and dirt connecting with your feet every step. Norm struggled to keep up with you. Jogging, trying to keep up with your quick steps.

“Wait up! You’re going way too fast, there was something I needed to show you.”

Your ears perk at Norms statement. He could only chuckle at your childish demeanour. He walks ahead of you, waving his hand to tell you to follow him. As you followed it felt like deja vu. Looking around in curiosity, spotting animals wandering the forest. Except this time you were much taller… and blue. Minutes passed, every minute of asking what it was Norm wanted to show you. He kept saying it was a surprise, which made you groan impatiently. As more time passed as you walked, another blue figure came into view, except they were wearing pieces of clothing extremely different from yours. Immediately you recognized them as an Omatikaya warrior. Your head quickly whipped around to face Norm. He could only give you a small smirk as he shrugged his shoulders. Your new tail whips back and forth in anticipation as you finally enter the village. The smile on your face widened even more, if that was even possible. Clan members looked at you with curiosity, normally they only see Norm come into the village but you were completely new. Everything felt so familiar to you, but there were many new additions in the village that had you interested. Walking a certain path, you knew where you were walking to… Jake’s family tent. The large tent looked exactly how it did all those years ago. You weren’t able to see Jake since the day you fell ill, this made you nervous to see him again. He was like an uncle to you. Reaching the front of the tent, Norm told you to wait as he entered. As you wait, you hear a small voice come from behind you.

“Excuse me? Who are you?”

You recognise that voice anywhere. You turn to face a certain someone.

“Tuk?”

Tuk looked a little puzzled for a moment, studying your features and hearing your voice. It clicked in her head. A gasped left your mouth and eyes big, she dropped her toy running towards you frame. She jumped in your arms as she shouted in glee.

“Y/N! Is that really you? You look like me!”

A hearty laugh came out, hugging her back as you spun her around.

“It is Tuk, it’s me!”

Just as you were spinning Tuk, Jake, Norm, and Neytiri came out. Jake thought Norm was lying about you being here, but that changed after seeing you interacting with his youngest daughter. Neytiri was just as shocked. She didn’t mind you as much as Spider. You heard them from behind you, you gently put Tuk down giving a greeting to both of them.

“Kaltxì, Jake, Neytiri”

Jake grinned walking over to you with open arms. Neytiri only watched with a small simile shaping her lips. Jake engulfed you in a big hug before pulling you back by your shoulders. He let out a small chuckle since you were now like him in a sense.

“Who knew, I actually get to see you in blue.”

You scoff jokingly as you punch his shoulder.

“That’s all you say after not seeing me in years? Well at least I can say that you look older grandpa”

He rolled his eyes before putting you in a headlock and giving you a noogie. Norm laughed at you being teased by Jake, Neytiri was chuckling softly watching the scene unfold. From a distance away, four bodies were walking closer. The three being the other sully kids and the last being Spider. They were conversing with each other, not noticing the figure in their father’s embrace. Neteyam looked away from them for a second before noticing an unfamiliar member near his father. It wasn’t until Jake saw them, waving at them to come over. The moment you turned around, Neteyam felt as if the world stopped for a second. He didn’t notice who you were until Kiri whispered your name in question. His head spun to face Kiri hearing your name spill from her lips, his face filled with shock but a good shock. Lo’ak swore under his breath, he finally got to see his friend outside except this time you're like him. Spider was the same, seeing you outside with a smile on your face made him happy. The three ran towards your figure, tackling you to the ground, hugging you tight and shouting with happiness.

Neteyam was still frozen in place. He was trying to process how you looked. You had beautiful markings covering your arm, legs, and face. Eyes, a vibrant yellow mixed with lines of green. Your small fangs peaking out as you shared smiles with his siblings. His ears and tail twitching unconsciously as he studied your new features. Jake had shouted at him to come over, quickly making him blink out of his daze. Light purple hues reached his cheeks when his father called him, not sure if he had caught him staring. Slowly approaching your figure that had been tackled to the ground. Watching as Tuk jumped into the pile as well, a small amused huff left his mouth. Kiri and Lo’ak finally got off you, pulling you up with them off the ground. The adults all watched with bright smiles on their faces before they started conversing with each other back in the tent. Neteyam finally joined you all, but he still felt a little awkward since you haven’t had the chance to talk to each other much. But he started staring at you again, drifting off into dreamland as you talked with Kiri. Lo’ak noticed the lack of speech coming from his brother, noticing that he was looking at you. He had a knowing smirk, elbowing Neteyam in the ribs which caused Neteyam to smack his arm.

Jake and Norm had come back out with soft smiles wanting to tell you something. You tilt your head in question as Norm lays a hand on your back. He looks at you for a second before returning his attention back to Jake. Jake spoke in a strong tone, but was also gentle.

“Would you like to learn our ways? I know you enjoy learning about everything and maybe you would like to experience it as well.”

Eyes blinking slowly a few times as you turn to Norm with a stricken expression. Both Norm and Jake let out lively laughs seeing your reaction. You let out a meek really? to Norm and he nodded briefly. Hands bursting in the air in celebration as you laugh in joy. Before you could run to hug Kiri and Lo’ak who were also excited about the news, Jake's voice stopped you.

“Neteyam will be the one to teach you everything you need to know”

Neteyam immediately whipped his head in the direction of his father. He quickly mentioned his training but Jake said that it would be okay. Neteyam was nervous to say the least, especially since it was you. As for your reaction, you didn’t know how to react so you just sent Neteyam a small smile. He quickly avoided your gaze, not sure how to feel about this situation. Your smile fell seeing how he looked away, concerned that you may have made him feel uncomfortable.

After everything had been set in place, Kiri and Lo’ak had taken you on a mini tour around the village. Showing you some new additions, the whole time your eyes were eager to see everything. As for Neteyam, he was trailing behind just like he did years ago when he was wary of you for the first time. For some reason, he couldn’t stop looking at you. Now that you looked like them, his interest in you peaked once more. It was interesting to him, how much your Avatar looked like you. Only difference between you and them is the lack of skills and knowledge of the people. He was kind of excited to be able to teach you but unsure at the same time. He still wasn’t sure how to talk with you, and it made it more difficult when he couldn’t speak English as well as his siblings.

They started walking into the forest after showing you around the village while Spider had gone back to the lab to do some chores that he promised Max. Both Lo’ak and Kiri were leading you to a specific spot that they said was special. You were breathing a bit heavily due to your Avatar not being used to all the fast movements. Your stamina definitely needed some improvement. Neteyam was still lagging behind, making sure everyone was in his view.  Tuk was jumping around, playing with some plants along the way. Lo’ak came to a stop causing you to crash into his back. You thought, why does this keep happening? You rub your nose once again, punching Lo’aks back for stopping.

“Why’d you stop”

He could roll his eyes as you punched your shoulder in return. That led to you slapping each other's arms and hands repeatedly. Which then led to Kiri slapping the back of your heads. Despite being older than the both of them, you finally got the chance to really feel childish. You and Lo’ak always had a sibling relationship, the one where you're always bickering and fighting each other but in a good way. Lo’ak blew a raspberry at you, you mocked him back before Kiri once again slapped the back of your heads. Neteyam could only laugh at his actions while Tuk tried joining in. Kiri finally spoke up.

“If you skxawngs are done fighting, y/n would’ve noticed where we are right now”

Your ears lifted, finally studying the area around you. It all looked familiar until something clicked. The small area, surrounded by the plants and trees, the small pond. This was where you guys officially met each other. It honestly all felt like a dream. You quickly remember a singular tree where you guys carved into it. Running over to the tree, you spot the carvings, your initials. The other four walked over, watching as you delicately traced over the initials. You turn to them with a downturn grin, reminiscing the old times. What caught your eye even more was the small plus between yours and Neteyams initials. Cheeks heating up for a second, remembering that younger you harboured feelings for the older sully brother. Although those feelings were from years ago, it was still buried deep within you. Neteyam noticed as well, ears turning purple. Lo’ak noticed once more, snickering at them both with how oblivious they were. Tuk then yelled that she was bored. As if your minds were the same, you, Kiri, and Lo’ak shared a look. Neteyam and Tuk were clueless to what you guys were thinking. Lo’ak ran to Neteyam, tapping his shoulder running off while yelling you’re it. He was completely caught off guard, watching as all of you scattered from his proximity. Even Tuk ran away screaming in excitement. It took him a minute to process what just happened before dashing off to grab you guys. He first went after Tuk, knowing she was going to be the easiest to catch. Only a minute later he grabbed her. Tuk pouted as he led her back to the pond before running off again to catch you guys. Since the three of you were hiding it took Neteyam a little while to find one of you. Finding Lo’ak first, they both went out on a full on sprint. Lo’ak desperately running for his life, not sure if he was laughing or screaming or both.

You could hear his screams in the distance, trying to muffle your chuckles from escaping your lips. The screaming stopped, but then screaming was heard again but this time from Kiri. You could hear her yell cuss words as Neteyam was closing in on her. It fell silent once more. You kept your breathing short and quiet, as you heard soft footsteps coming towards you. Hiding in a bush, you see legs appearing right in front of you which makes you hold your breath. Neteyam had a feeling you were somewhere near, standing still to hear any sudden movements. Right at that moment he heard a subtle crunch of leaves in front of him. He squats down swiftly, eyes meeting yours. You stood up fast and started running like a bunny being chased. Neteyam followed after you, a look of amusement and determination on his face. You were much faster than he expected you to be. You might’ve been faster than Lo’ak somehow and he was fast. Only disadvantage you had was your stamina. Running for a minute straight with Neteyam hot on your tail, you started slowing down due to being tired. Neteyam sped up jumping, tackling you to the ground. A small yelp sound coming from your mouth as you made contact with the ground.

You were huffing for air, not used to running so much. Breathing heavily as you meet the gaze of Neteyams eyes that look green in this lighting. Neteyam talked quietly.

“I caught you”

Exuberant laughter slipped out as Neteyam talked. You haven’t felt this alive in forever. Neteyam joining in your laughter finally loosening up around you. The laughter died down, both looking at each other, then realising that Neteyam was on top of you from tackling you. Both of you had purple hues surfacing on your cheeks as the both of you separated in a hurry. He let out a quick apology as both of you pat the dirt off yourselves. You wave him off saying that it was alright trying to cool your cheeks. The walk back was a little awkward, especially since you ran quite the distance from the pond. Walking side by side both of you spoke at the same time, quickly apologising to each other in flustered states. You talk first seeing that he we​nt silent once more.

“How um, how is training? I bet you’re busy a lot.”

Neteyam fiddled with his fingers behind his back as he gave you a small glance then returned his gaze to the ground.

“Yes, very busy. Training good but very tiring”

You smile softly hearing his broken english. Over the years you were kept inside, the Na’vi language was one of the main things you studied. You appreciated the effort Neteyam had when communicating with you. You jog forward just a bit, walking backwards in front of him.

“Plltxe na’vi” (speak na’vi)

He looked at you with a stunned expression. Feeling the awkwardness fading away as he started feeling more open to talk to you normally like old times. He gave you a toothy smile as his voice gave off a teasing tone.

“Ngeyä lì'upam hek nì'it mi” (Your pronunciation is a bit strange still)

A deadpan face took over your features as you rolled your eyes before it was replaced with an amused look.  Reaching the pond, you started skipping towards the three who were waiting for you guys. Neteyam watched as you skipped away, a content grin on his face. Lo’ak groaned as he spotted you and Neteyam coming out of the forest.

“Finally! You took forever, we were bored waiting on you.”

You stick your tongue out while pulling your lower eyelid down.

“Calm down, it was only a couple minutes. Plus I was getting chased.”

Looking back pointing to his brother who was trailing behind you. Kiri chuckled under her breath seeing you and Lo’ak banter with each other. Neteyam joined Kiri in laughing, happy that he finally rekindled his friendship with you although there were still ways to go. All of you talked for a while and played a few more rounds of tag before the eclipse. Travelling back to the village meeting up with Norm and Jake once more. They told you your Avatar body can stay within the village because of the training you’ll be starting early in the morning. With that, Jake guides you to a small tent for you to stay in. Hugging Norm one last time before you left for the lab knowing it's dangerous to be wandering around at night. Saying your goodnights to everyone, you settle in your tent, laying down comfortably on your mat. You didn’t want to close your eyes. If you did, you’d return to your dying body which you absolutely hated. But you knew it was for the best. Closing your eyes takes in deep breaths before your consciousness is returned to your original body. Immediately pain took over your body. You felt another coughing fit rising in your chest. Pushing open the pod as fast as you could, you fell out but ignoring those around you. Running to a bathroom nearby letting out your coughs over the sink. All the coughing made it difficult to get air in your system, struggling to breathe.

Blood. The crimson colour of the liquid staining the white sink and your white lab coat. Your body finally decided to stop your coughing leaving you heaving for air. You take steps back before your back hits the wall, sliding down as you make contact with the tiled floor. You were so happy and lively a minute ago, now you were in pain and coughing blood on the floor. Just as your body settled, knocking came from the door.

“Y/n? Are you okay? Max told me he saw you running in a rush after unlinking.”

You stayed quiet for a minute not really sure if you had the strength to talk. You heard him repeat your name one more time. Whispering, voice terribly hoarse and strained.

“I’m okay Norm… just another small coughing fit”

Hearing him sigh, you knew he knew that this wasn’t just a “small” fit.

“Do you want me to wait here for you?”

His voice was delicate, as if he was talking to a small fragile child. You could only let out a small no, not wanting Norm to see the state you were in right now. Norm could only rest his forehead on the door, worried for you. He let out a quiet okay, hesitating to walk away from the door. Hearing the steps fading your head falls back against the wall wishing that this could all just end.

_

It had been a couple days since your first linking to your Avatar. The first couple days of training was mostly building up your stamina which was also accompanied by Lo’ak much to Neteyams debate. But also every day after unlinking, the coughing became more frequent. Mo’at had given you some remedies to help slow down the process of your condition but it still didn’t help with the aching and discomfort. Today, you were slightly excited, you moved on from building stamina to using a weapon. Not only that, Lo’ak couldn’t join because Jake knew Lo’ak would distract the both of you. That made Lo’ak annoyed because he wanted to teach you too.

You and Neteyam were walking together to the practice range for the bow and arrows. The first time being alone since the first day of being in your Avatar. The walk was silent but this time it was rather a comfortable silence than an awkward one. Even though the time spent with him was also with Lo’ak, the both of you had gotten closer, only speaking Na’vi when you were with him. There were stolen glances from time to time and teasing nudges. Neteyam felt like he was more free when he was around you. Reaching the range, Neteyam grabbed a practice bow for you to use. He gently passed it into your hands as he grabbed his own bow. Your tail is swishing around in anticipation.

“Now, this is one of our main weapons we use for both hunting and fighting. I will teach you the proper stance and draw back. Also how to aim for your target. Maybe later this week if you improve, we can go hunting.”

You were nervous to say the least. Neteyam demonstrated first, having a strong stance. Arms pulled back as he drawed the arrow, focusing on the target in front of him. As he let go, the arrow swiftly flew through the air perfectly hitting the middle of the target. Your face said it all, completely captivated. He slowly brought his bow back down, turning to face you with a proud look on his face. He waves you over, finally your turn to attempt to shoot an arrow. He let you try by yourself first, and it went terribly. He studied your horrible posture and stance, the way your arms were weirdly positioned in the air. Lastly, how weak your core looked. When you released the arrow, it didn’t reach all the way to the target. You hiss in embarrassment as you look at the arrow on the ground. Neteyam tried to suppress his laugh as you failed miserably. You gave him a glare, shutting him up immediately.

He made his way over to you grinning from ear to ear. He stands beside you, showing you how to stand. You copied him, but you still had some flaws in your stance. So he took on the more physical approach but looked for you permission first. Giving him a firm nod, he started with your arms. His hands caressed them gently as he positioned them in the proper angle as you drew the arrow back. His light touches had your cheeks heating up and your stomach churning. He then went to fix your legs, tapping them to give you a wider stance and making sure your feet are facing the proper directions. You still weren’t able to control your tail very well, so it was wagging in nervousness. When he got your stomach, your breath had hitched ever so slightly. He was too distracted with giving you the perfect stance to notice your nervous frame. His fingers brushed over your stomach as he said to tighten your core and to stand tall. He stepped back to see his work and gave a content nod to himself. He gave you the thumbs up to shoot, but you were still trying to cool down from his light touches. Your arms faltered a bit before shooting so he stopped you quickly. You turn your head to look at him, he is standing right in front of you. He adjusted your arms once more but stayed in close proximity to you to make sure you stayed standing in the stance. You couldn’t help but stare at him, he looked ethereal in the warm light of the sun. Neteyam distracted again trying to help with your aiming but then also met your eyes. Both of you had heat rising to your cheeks as both of you were entranced in each other's glimmering eyes. Neteyam was first to break the contact, quickly speaking with a soft tone to tell you to release the arrow.

From a distance, Jake wanted to check in just to see how you were doing. He stopped his steps seeing his oldest son guiding you. He felt deja vu wash over him seeing the scene. Remembering when Neytiri was the one guiding him for the first time. He saw the way both of you looked at each other. A smile reached his lips, chuckling softly seeing his son so relaxed in your presence. He watched as you shouted with joy after hitting the target and his son joining in with the cheering. Jake thought it was best not to interrupt the special moment the both of you were sharing.

_

Weeks passed. Each day that passes the weaker you feel. You were definitely improving a lot with your Avatar but your other body was the only thing that was dragging it down. There were times the pain got so great that there was physical pressure you felt through your Avatar. Those times you had to unlink to calm your real body down. Not only that, the blood and coughing situation had gotten extremely worse. You coughed up blood at least 2-3 times a day, the pain increasing each time. It hurt to talk and to eat, this led to you being malnourished. Norm had fought with you to eat and take better care of your body. Everytime the argument starts, it ends with you breaking down and Norm losing the fight. Your real body didn’t feel real anymore. Guilt also filled your system, every passing day that was spent with Neteyam only made your feelings for him grow. The past days you and Neteyam shared deep conversations and shared gentle touches. Lo’ak and Kiri can see how you guys looked at each other and constantly teased Neteyam about it. Even Neytiri saw how her son looked at you, vise versa. Although you were an Avatar, Neytiri had accepted you as a clan member which was huge.

When you woke up today, you felt worse than normal. Instead of looking into it, you ignored it, taking it as your normal pain. You quickly take the herbal medicine Mo’at had given you and trudged to the linking room. Halfway there you felt faint, using the wall as a support but you still proceeded to the linking pods. Norm had noticed your figure slowly approaching the room. He was extremely worried for your well being. He even tried to force you to eat but you kept refusing. There wasn’t much he could do at this point but to just let you do what you wanted.

You reached the pod, struggling to open it with your weak arms. Your arms shook as you lifted yourself up to lay down in the pod. Closing the lid, you took in a shaky breath as you transferred your consciousness to your Avatar. Waking up in your tent, you saw Neteyam patiently waiting outside for you. A smile made its way to your lips as you quietly walked up behind him. Just before you could scare him, he turned rapidly while shouting. That scared the shit out of you. Your mouth agape with a stunned expression. Neteyam burst out laughing, tears collecting on his waterline. You jokingly pushed him.

“NETEYAM! How’d you know I was coming up behind you?”

He tried calming down from his laughing fit, taking in deep breaths.

“You aren’t exactly the best at sneaking up on something quite yet. I could probably hear you footsteps from a mile away”

You could only laugh with him as both of you continued nudging each other. Neteyam looked at you, admiring your laugh and your smile. You noticed his silence, meeting his gaze. You looked to the ground with purple hues appearing on your cheeks. His smile widened seeing your reaction. An idea popped in his head.

“Shall we take a walk instead of training today?”

Your head perked up in interest, giving him a shy nod. You both made your ways to the village border. Taking steps into the forest, the sunlight making lines through the pants. Conversations flowed smoothly between you two, hands brushing against each other as you walked. The direction Neteyam took you was relatively new to you. But then again the forest was huge and anywhere would be new to you. Sharing laughs and teasing punches, you felt like you were on cloud nine. Just as you passed another clearing, something caught your attention in the corner of your eye. It was a tree that resembled the one in your dream. Your sudden stop made Neteyam tilt his head at you. He followed your gaze landing on the small tree in the middle of the clearing. He watched as you walked towards the tree, your face seemingly confused. You were confused about how this tree was the exact one from your dream. But seeing it in person, it was even more magnificent. A scoff of joy as you delicately touch the leaves.

Neteyam couldn’t take his eyes off you. In his eyes you looked so spiritual when you looked at the tree with such care. He stepped into the clearing, approaching you with a soft smile. You tilt your head toward the ground as you sit under the tree. Patting the spot next to you, Neteyam crouched down taking the spot. Calming silence took over, enjoying each other's company. You were busy studying the environment around you, eventually resting your head on Neteyams shoulder. This made Neteyams body tense up, not used to this type of contact. He glanced down seeing you fiddle with the fallen leaves and the grass. Relaxing his shoulders, he hesitated for a second before resting his head on top of yours. Even taking another step forward by wrapping his tail around your waist. Both of you found solace with each other.

An hour passed like it was nothing. Neteyam felt like he was dreaming. Normally he didn’t focus much on other females in the clan but you were special to him. Your head was now resting on his chest, listening to his rhythmic heart beats. His chest hummed as he spoke with a gentle tone.

“I am glad that I got to train you instead of someone else”

He felt your cheeks rising, which made him smile too. But what he said next had you pause.

“How are my grandmother's remedies? I never got the chance to ask you about your healing.”

You stilled, ears folding down as guilt washed over you. You separate yourself from Neteyam as you look down ashamed. Neteyam tilts his head wondering why you looked so down. He grabbed your hands pulling them into his lap.

“What’s wrong? Did I say something?”

You gripped his hands gently, finally looking up with a pained smile on your face.

“No no, you didn’t say anything bad…”

He brought one of his hands up to your cheek, delicately caressing it.

“What is wrong then?”

Your eyes moistened, breathing becoming uneven. Your voice was quiet and vulnerable.

“I… I lied to you Neteyam”

His face furrowed, confusion overtaking his emotions. He moved to sit right in front of you, hand still on your cheek.  

“What do you mean?”

You grab his wrist, bringing it down from your cheek. The tears heavily gather in your eyes, voice shaky, nervous about how he would react. You weren’t sure if you should lie again. Opting to tell the truth you avoid his gaze as you let out a shaky breath.

“I’m not healing Neteyam…”

Neteyam froze in place. There was a ringing in his ears that wouldn’t go away. His eyes studied your face to see if you were joking or not but you weren’t. He removed his hand from your grip. The way he looked at you shattered your heart. Neteyam wasn’t sure if he should yell or not talk at all. Instead he whispered under his breath.

“Why”

You tried grabbing his hands again but he avoided your touch. You were stumbling over your words as you tried saying that it was for the best but this made Neteyam even more angry.

“WHY!”

His yelling made you flinch. You were speechless, never have you seen Neteyam act like this. Tears were now freely falling down your cheeks as you tried explaining but it was hard to to get words out from your hard breathing. He felt betrayed, betrayed that you would do this to yourself and him. Betrayed that you would even lie to everyone in his family, especially Kiri. You desperately tried to explain, but the words coming out weren’t good enough for him. He stood up, a dark expression overshadowing his face.

“Neteyam please, lying to you was the only choice I had”

His nose flared. “What about the choice of just telling me at the very start? THAT WAS A CHOICE! We could’ve worked through this together! Instead you chose to hide like a coward and hide the pain. You are selfish, just like all the other Skypeople.”

Neteyam’s voice was strained, not wanting to talk more as tears were now threatening his eyes. But his anger was too much, more words just spilled out.

“You bring shame to the clan and to me. To think that I was falling for you. You will always be an evil skyperson at heart.”

His words cut you and it stung terribly. You tried reaching out, but in return he stepped back. Your chest burned in dejection. You knew you were in the wrong but it was too late. Your body entered a panic mode, your breathing turned to wheezing. Every breath felt like fire in your lungs. Neteyam still stood in front of you, upset and depressed from your lie.

“Neteyam please, please don’t leave it like this”

You stood up taking small steps towards him. But every step you took forward, he stepped back. The next step you took, your body went limp. Eyes closing as your body hits the ground. Neteyams eyes widened in shock. All his anger dispersed, replaced with shock and worry. He got onto his knees immediately, grabbing your shoulders and shaking you.

“Y/n? Y/n? Hey wake up, you can’t just pass out like that.”

He lightly tapped your face, trying to wake you up.

“Stop joking around y/n”

He started to panic. Salty liquid running down his face as you weren’t waking up. Neteyam picked up, carrying you in bridal style. He ran through the forest in a hurry, yelling as he saw the village in his line of blurry vision. The yelling caught Jake's attention, his eyes found Neteyam running with your body in his grasp. Jake ran in Neteyams direction seeing that you were unconscious. Reaching Neteyam, he saw that he had tears running down his face.

“What happened?” Jake's voice stern but filled with concern.

“We-we were arguing but then she uh she suddenly collapsed. I’m so sorry it was my fault sir.”

Neteyam was sobbing uncontrollably as he got out his choked up words. This made something click in Jake's head. You must’ve been unlinked for some reason. He ushers Neteyam to the healing tent. Telling him to place your body down on one of the mats. Mo’at saw this and once she saw your body she knew. She got to work right away making sure your Avatar body didn’t sustain any injuries. Jake told Neteyam to follow him as Mo’at worked on your Avatar body.

Entering the family tent, Kiri was the only one there. She was caught off guard seeing both Neteyam and Jake in distress. Jake had gathered some things to bring with him before setting off to the lab. Kiri tried asking what was going on but both of them left in a hurry. Running through the dense forest, a million thoughts ran through his mind. He remembered what he had said to you and regrets it deeply.

_

When you collapsed, it turned out that Norm was the one to unlink you. The panic attack you had with your Avatar had a large effect on your actual body. Your vitals were spiking as you started to cough up a dangerous amount of blood. The coughing did not slow down until you fell unconscious. Opening the pod, Norm was met with a scene that made his blood run cold. Your unconscious body, blood covering your lower jaw and the top of your shirt. He picked you up, yelling to everyone to get a bed set up with ivs and medicine prepared.

As machines were being attached to your body, a door slammed open to reveal Jake and Neteyam. Norm raced to Jake, pulling him to talk about what the hell happened. Norm was in such a distressed state that Jake had to calm him down. Neteyam stood only still, seeing your body in the white bed. His eyes trailed the machines that were hooked up onto your body. What had him shakened up the most was how sick you look. The last time he saw your human body you were pale and thin but seeing it again, it was like it doubled. Your top was stained in your blood, you were so pale that he could see your veins so clearly. Not only that, your face was so sunken, and your arms so small that it could snap in half if you weren’t careful. He fell to his knees, tears gathering in his eyes again. His knees shifted closer to your body, carefully touching your hand that was hanging off the edge. A hand covering his mouth suppressing his cries as he watches your chest rise up and down slowly.

Norm and Jake were discussing the possibilities. They were interrupted by Neteyams appearance. Jake saw how red his son's eyes were, he pulled him into a tight hug knowing his relationship with you. The hug stopped short when Neteyam mumbled something about you. He pulled away asking Neteyam what he said. He replied in a quavering voice that you were dying. Norms' eyes widened, followed by asking Neteyam what he meant by that.

“She told me that she lied. Lied about grandmother having a cure for her…disease”

The last word coming out strained. Norm fell back into a chair behind him as Jake was trying to process the new information.

_

Days passed, you were still unconscious. Neteyam never left your side, he slept and watched over you every second of the passing days. His family grew worried as he started neglecting his own health. Neytiri understood Neteyam the most. She knew how much he cherished you just as much as she cherished Jake. Tuk was held back at home, Jake didn’t want his youngest daughter seeing your current state. But he couldn’t hold back Kiri and Lo’ak. When they saw your unconscious figure, Lo’ak went numb as Kiri cried. Spider was absolutely devastated when he heard you collapsed. Although you both didn’t hang out as much since the start of your training, he loved you so much as an older sister. Three times a day, one of them dropped food off for Neteyam as he never left the lab. Most of the time he didn’t touch the food and just left it to go cold. Every night he whispers his regrets and sheds warm tears hoping that you would just wake up.

On a certain day, he finally went outside but went directly to the tree of voices. Making tsaheylu, he asked for Eywas help. Wishing to help you recover and for you to wake up. He stayed at the tree for hours, repeating his wishes to Eywa. When he thought that it was enough, he sighed as he stood up and walked away from the tree of voices. As he walked back to the lab, he saw Kiri, Lo’ak and Spider waiting outside. He gave them a look of question. Lo’ak spoke up saying that you had woken up. He made a beeline to the door until Kiri stopped him. She told him that grandmother told them to wait as she examined you. He huffed in frustration, wanting to see you now but knew better than to go against his grandmother's wishes. Minutes passed as Neteyam grew more impatient. But once he heard the door creak open he whipped his head to see what it was. Mo’at stepped out with Jake, giving the children a nod to go on in. Neteyam strides past them both, needing to see you.

His breath hitched seeing you awake and smiling at his appearance.

“Hey”

Your voice was raspy and low. Giving all your strength to give him a bright smile. Neteyam broke down as he ran to you, basically jumping in your arms. A yelp left your mouth as he embraced you tight. His tears soaked your shirt, you rubbed his back trying to comfort him.

“I dont think it’s a good idea to be crushing a sick person”

His eyes shot open, quickly getting off you. He wipes his tears as he apologises. You could only give him a teasing smile. But that smile fell as you needed to discuss something serious with Neteyam. You weakly grab his hands, making him look at you.

“Neteyam, there’s something we have to talk about.”

Telling by your tone, he knew it was going to be serious. You continued talking, as you were talking it was as if Neteyam had gone deaf. The words leaving your mouth had him shocked.

“... I asked Mo’at for a consciousness transfer.”

“No”

His voice is serious and deep. Your grip tightened on his hand.

“Neteyam, this is the only way for me to live longer.”

“no , it’s too risky. I can’t let you go through with this.”

You sat up, fully facing him.

“I understand the risks but I'm dying Neteyam and it's not going to change. This is the best I can do.”

“If it doesn’t work then you will die”

“I’m dying either way Neteyam and it’s a risk I'm willing to take” Tears are now building up in your eyes. “Mo’at already approved of the idea, I’m not going to back out now”

He felt the anger come back into his system. Instead of saying a word to you, he stormed out of the lab radiating with displeasure. You tried yelling for him, but your voice was too weak and strained. Spider, Kiri, and Lo’ak watched as he slammed the door open witnessing his heated demeanour. They gave each other looks trying to figure out what had happened. Lo’ak got up to go after Neteyam while Kiri and Spider went inside to see you. Kiri saw you curled up in a ball, crying. She rushed over to you, bringing you into an embrace. Spider only felt upset, seeing you cry made him rush after Neteyam. Kiri tried calming you down, her heart hurt for you seeing you in so much pain. She waited till your breathing slowed so she could ask what had happened. You had told her in short breaths about your consciousness transfer and how it led Neteyam to disagree with you. Kiri knew the risks of this but she knew you would rather risk it than continue living in pain until you eventually passed. She rubbed your back, hoping Lo’ak could change Neteyams mind about the whole thing.

Lo’ak had finally caught up to his brother, grabbing his arm to turn him around. Neteyam ripped his grip off his arm. Lo’ak stared at him in puzzlement.

“What the hell are you so mad about?”

Those words made Neteyam feel worse, pushing Lo’ak back not wanting to talk to anyone. Lo’ak tried grabbing him again since he kept turning away from him. Which led to him being shoved even harder. Neteyams tone was low and hoarse.

“Back off.”

Lo’ak decided to push back, annoyed at his brother. This set Neteyam off. Pushing Lo’ak to the ground yelling in his face.

“I said BACK OFF.”

“THEN TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED” He got off the ground, shoving his face in his, irritation moulding his features. Neteyam stayed silent for a moment, whispering under his breath.

“Y/n is going to do a consciousness transfer…”

Lo’ak wasn’t surprised. His lack of reaction made Neteyam confused. Why isn’t he mad? Why does he look like he already knew? In fact Lo’ak knew a day like this would come. You and him had a conversation about the transfer, and he reacted a bit like Neteyam when you first brought it up. The only difference was that he didn’t know about the lie until now. But he came to terms with the idea because he wanted you to have a better life. He saw how happy you were when you were in the forest, with the people. After hearing about you lying about being healed, that only made him want you to do the transfer more. He didn’t want you to be in pain for the rest of the time you have left. He knew Neteyam felt that way too but he was in a stage of denial and Lo’ak could see that. You were right, if you were dying either way, Lo’ak rather it be through the eye of Eywa. Passing without having to deal with pain or continue living in pain. And if the transfer worked, you could finally live the life you deserved.

“I know”

Those words leaving Lo’aks lips had Neteyam baffled. His face scrunched up coming closer to Lo’ak, asking what he meant by “he knew '' in a threatening tone. Lo’ak told him that he had a hunch ever since you first talked to him about the possibility of a transfer. You had even told him to not mention it to anyone else. Neteyam couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He ignored Lo’aks yelling as he ran away, wanting to be alone. Spider finally caught up to Lo’ak but he didn’t see Neteyam.

_

Two days passed since you revealed your wish to do the transfer. Neteyam never came by once since then and you were disheartened by that. Kiri and Lo’ak would be the only ones that came by and even Jake. They kept saying that Neteyam refused to leave the tent when you asked if he was coming. You were also growing weaker as more time passed after you woke up. Your coughing was still harsh but not as bad as the one that made you go unconscious. That was what you thought at least but Kiri thought it was all the same and it severely concerned her. The only thing you were concerned about was Neteyam. Today no one was here and it was just you. The transfer was to be done tomorrow but you had an itch. The urge to step outside in your current body.

You slip off the bed, holding on to the rails for support as your legs are weak. Walking weakly to your room to grab fresh clothes. You sat on your bed and took a minute to yourself to just study around you. Hand gently touch your blanket and drag it across. Eyes moving to your desk, spotting a picture with your and the others when you were younger. You remember how Norm had trouble taking the picture due you guys running around constantly. A faint smile made its way to your lips, but faded away because this may be your last time ever seeing it. The pain in your chest grew too great and you knew that you wouldn’t last much longer. You thought that you came into terms with death but in reality, you hoped that the transfer would work. You were just a scared kid who went through too much at a young age. Your eyes moistened at the possibility of not seeing anyone anymore. Norm, Kiri, Lo’ak, Spider, Tuk, Jake, even Neytiri. Neytiri had grown quite fond of you over the time you were training with Neteyam. The one person you would miss most of all is Neteyam but now he wasn’t even speaking with you or wanting to see you. Tears streaming down your eyes as you bring the picture close to your chest. Holding it tight not wanting it to disappear from your sight.

You eventually stood back up with the picture still in your hands. Wobbly walking over to the door, grabbing a mask. You look down at the mask, bringing it up to your face and securing it around your head. Your body was tired but you had to go outside. Pushing the door open, warm air floods through the door. You admire the scenery before you, never getting used to the forest's beauty. Your breaths were short, mind hazy and skin feeling tingling. Walking with a calm demeanour towards the forest. The other Avatars looked at you with odd looks as you passed them. It seemed like you alerted them, one of them running to get in contact with Norm. Your steps grew faster as you got closer to the lush trees. The others yelled and ran to get you back but they immediately lost you as your body disappeared in their view once you entered the forest. Your bare feet dig into the dirt with every step you take forward. The sun glimmered through the leaves and plants. Eyes fluttering closed every now and then wanting to memorise the flora and animals you see.

Your body wandered the forest for minutes before you stumbled upon the same tree. Standing in place as you just stare at the tree. Recalling what happened the last time you were here. A frown made its place on your face, the place where you and Neteyam fought. But also the place where you found peace within each other. Taking a hesitant step into the clearing, feet connecting with the soft grass. Hands reaching for the leaves that hang down from the willow like tree. Its leaves were turning orange and yellow. In ways it was similar to you, wilting away as time closed in. Taking a seat under the dying tree, legs laid out flat, picture laying in your lap. A deep breath entering your lungs, it started to ache but you were used to it. All you did was sit and stare at the nature around you. Neither did you realise the liquid dripping down your cheeks. Your breathing shallowed, the hazy feeling taking over your senses. Eyes drifting off into darkness as the grip on the picture loosened.

_

Everyone was in a panic. When Norm got the alert of you leaving the lab and just disappearing he jumped yelling for Jake who was nearby. Norm ran to the tent, Jake stood up quickly seeing the distress on his friend's face.

“She’s gone, she disappeared into the forest”

Those words caught Neteyams attention as he was hiding away in the corner of the tent. Disappeared? In your human body? Jake called a search party, shouting to search the forest for a small female human. Neteyam remembered the last time you were out in your human body, the reason you had caught this horrid disease. He got up swiftly, grabbing his knife in case anything went wrong. His body was in both panic and hunting mode. Lo’ak, Spider and Kiri quickly join in the search, scared for their friend.

Running through the forest, they searched relentlessly for you but time passed and they grew more anxious. Neteyam had this gnawing feeling, regretting not seeing you for two whole days. He knew your body wasn’t adaptive to the pandora atmosphere and every passing minute felt like a needle was stabbing his chest. He was upset with you, yes but he held you dearly to his heart. If he thought the last time he saw you was during the fight you guys had, he would never forgive himself. Even thinking about that made tears well in his eyes as he was searching for you desperately. But as he was running, a specific place popped into his head. The tree. The one place that you and him shared, the place you both shared the most intimate moment but also a bad moment. He dug his feet in the ground, forcing him to stop and turn directions. Racing towards the area where you might be, hoping you would be there. His heart was beating like crazy as he got closer. Bursting through the plants, his eyes landed on your small figure laying against the tree. A feeling of relief washed over him but quickly disappeared seeing your eyes closed. He ran to your body, kneeling down and putting his ear against your chest. He released the breath he was holding after hearing your heart beating. The only thing he was concerned about was how little your chest was rising.

Quickly picking you up in his arms, dropping the picture in your lap in the process. The glass from the frame shattered on the grass as Neteyam ran back to the village. The leaves from the tree, wilting faster and falling onto the ground. Reaching the village, he started yelling to grab his father's attention. Jake spotted him with your small frame in his arms. He took you out of his arms, running to Mo’at. Mo’at rushed them to put you on one of the mats. Neteyam was breathing heavily, tears were now flowing down his face seeing you not wake up. He kept asking if you would be okay but Mo’at ignored him, focusing on your body. Jake went out to call back the search party, making Kiri and Lo’ak rush in seeing your frail body not awake. Spider made it back too and fell to his knees seeing your unconscious state. Jake and Norm pacing outside while Neytiri was comforting the crying Tuk. Mo’at stood up abruptly facing everyone.

“We must get her to the Spirit tree at once”

Neteyam's eyes widened, would the fight be the last thing you guys shared? Jake told Neteyam to grab your body as he went to grab your Avatar. Neytiri went to gather the clan to the Spirit tree instantly. Kiri and Lo’ak helped Mo’at and their mother as both Jake, Neteyam, and Norm raced to the tree. Neteyam's tears never stopped, he was torn and hurt that this could be the last time he would ever see you. The glowing tree was seen from a distance, legs carrying him faster. Clans members catching up to them, gathering around the tree. Neteyam gently placed your body under the tree, supporting your head before gently removing his hand. He looked at your face, you looked so calm. His eyes widened as he saw your eyes twitch. His eyes were the first thing you saw as you opened your eyes. His eyes were beautiful, a green shade in this lighting. It was like looking at an angel. His tears dropped on to your mask as you brought your hand up to his cheek. He leaned into your touch, his hand going over yours.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

His sobs made you tear up as he kept apologising over and over again. You kept forgiving him over and over, trying to reassure him that it was okay but it didn’t stop him. The family gave them a bit of time as they still waited for the rest of the clan to gather at the tree. Neytiri and Jake saw so many similarities with them and you guys. The way you caressed his son's face brought memories back to when the war was finally over.

You kept trying to reassure him but he didn’t listen. Your gentle smile graced your lips as both your hands weakly grabbed his hands for him to stop. One hand went up to wipe his tears away as he gently gripped your hands tighter.

“There’s no need to cry”

He shook his head, “no, everything is my fault. I never should have ran away. It was immature of me to not talk about it. You only wanted what was best for all of us. Instead I got mad and left you alone.”

Your lips pursed as you brought your hand down to lay on top of his.

“It wasn’t your fault. You had every right to be mad. Although when you left it hurt me, I don’t want our last conversation to be fighting. I-”

A stinging sensation entered your lungs. Coughing erupted from your mouth but this time there was no blood. The lack of blood shocked Neteyam, not sure if that was a bad sign. Before he could get up to grab Mo’at your hand stopped him. You shook your head at him, telling him not yet. He kneeled back down with concern washing over his tight features. You caress his face as you let out shaky words.

“Neteyam, there is something important I have to tell you before the transfer starts. Ever since we were children I was always the closest to you. You somehow took my heart away from a young age. I don’t think I’ve ever stopped loving you but after the long years apart it was buried. But more recently those feelings resurfaced and grew stronger the longer I spent my time with you. The way you talk, laugh, and just exist makes my body feel so light. Your eyes are one of the most beautiful features I love about you. The way it can look different in different lights. The green shades are especially my favourite. They remind me of the forest of Pandora, and all the flora around it. Seeing you everyday was the highlight of my days, and training with our teasing banter was one of the best highlights. I seriously love you Neteyam, for the longest time I've loved you. Nga yawne lu oer ma tìyawn. Oel ngati kameie.”

Tears streamed down his face even more from those last few words. He brought your hands into his chest as he let out quiet words of his own.

“Nga yawne lu oer ma yawntutsyìp fìtxan nìtxan. Oel ngati kameie.”

Both of you shed tears together. His forehead leaning on to your mask. Once he pulled back, the expression on your face was sad once more.

“When this ceremony starts, please be prepared for the worst. There is a chance I will not make it back through the eye of Eywa. But I love you so much, please remember that. I will always be with you no matter where I am.”

This only made him cry harder but he nodded faintly as he understands the risks of this transfer. You told him to prepare for the worse but he knew he would never be fully prepared. But he stayed strong for you. Mo’at taps his shoulder indicating that everyone is here and the ceremony will have to start. He didn’t let go of your hand until he fully stood up, giving you one last look before sitting beside his siblings. Mo’at started the chant as the rest of the clan slowly joined. You close your eyes letting yourself fall still. The ground pulsing with its bioluminescent light in rhythmic beats with the clan. The roots make their way to the back of your neck along with your Avatar. A white tunnel taking over your vision. Minutes passed as the chant was still going strong. The family hopes only good results will come after the transfers end. Neteyam begging Eywa to give you a second life. Mo’at then went silent causing everyone else to go silent as well. Neteyam got up in a hurry to your body. His heart stopped seeing only your human body twitching. It didn’t work. He carefully took the mask off your face, a smile present on your lips as you talked softly.

“I saw her Neteyam. Beautiful.”

Your mouth opened once more but the lights in your eyes faded before you could talk once more. The last you saw was his deep green eyes. The pain fled your body, becoming relaxed as you took your last breath. Jake could only watch as it felt like Grace's death all over again. Neteyam sat there, numbness overtook his emotions. The sounds of Kiri and Tuks' cries sounded muffled. There was a ringing sound travelling through his ears. His hands were holding on to your cold ones as he stared into your blank eyes. Wet tears slipped out from his eyes, collecting on the tip of his chin. The droplets falling on to your cheeks. Neytiri bent down, bringing his head into her shoulder. Louds sobs broke out, burying his face deeper into his mothers embrace.

_

Your body was washed and decorated with traditional Na’vi clothing. Your Avatar has the same done to it. Neteyam had been numb ever since his breakdown in his mothers arms. He took off his armband, wrapping it around your upper arm. He brought everyone to the willow tree. Making a hole at the base, dropping flowers to make a bed. Kiri had braided a single braid with her beads, Lo’ak tied your hair with one of his bands. Tuk laid a wooden sun that you carved for her a while back. They placed your fragile body onto the bed of flowers. Placing your Avatar right beside you. An atokirina' laying in Neteyam’s hand as you let it flow down onto your body. The clan surrounds the tree, singing and chanting for the fallen member. Neteyam could only look down to your peaceful face as the singing in the background drowned his sorrows.

_

As days passed, he would come back to the tree and sit under it. He retrieved the fallen picture that he found before digging the hole. The picture broke his heart all over again. When weeks passed, the tree found life once more. It felt as if you were there with him whenever he visited the tree with the picture in hand. He would always shed tears but today he smiled as he looked at the flourishing tree. He set his forehead against the bark as he whispered.

“Oe nga lomtu ma yawntutsyìp” (I miss you darling)

[the-starry-seas]

So this whole BOBF AU started because I saw a meme on reddit and proceeded to take it seriously

So Boba of course has all those problems about being a clone, and of course all those problems about his dad being dead. Being a Fett just means having issues in general, right? I mean we've all seen Jango.

Boba is doing his perfectly normal daimyo thing when the Hutt twins show up with their tribute. Instead of a rancor - in this AU, the rancor was left behind by the former daimyo that Boba shot - the Hutt twins have a clone. Specifically, they have a clone made from Boba's DNA, rather than Jango's. They specify this when they drop him off.

Boba understands this as the implied threat it is. Someone who has his DNA without him realising it... nope, he has to dig into that and kill whoever is responsible.

He also has an extremely traumatised eight-year-old. The new kid's designation is 'Clone Experiment Prime'. Which is a little long for a name so they (Boba, Fennec, Din) call him Prime. They also start trying to figure out where Prime came from.

Eventually they figure everything out, destroy the facility, destroy the remaining DNA sample, and then go and kill the Hutt twins. It's a win for everyone involved! Well, everyone in the Fett clan.

And then Boba has to go back to Tatooine and deal with Prime. He does not want to be a father. He does not want to deal with a kid. He does ask if maybe Din wants to adopt Prime. Din essentially says "What's wrong with you? Get your shit together and step up for your new kid."

Meanwhile Prime is well aware that Boba does not want him around. Sure, Boba hasn't said anything where Prime can hear, but Boba's default way of dealing with new things is to be closed off and aloof, and that's not exactly reassuring. Prime's general takeaway from all this is I wasn't good enough for the scientists, so it's no wonder I'm not good enough for my father.

Besides, Boba has Fennec and Din, and Din has Grogu, so it doesn't seem like any of them have any need for Prime. Fennec and Din pay attention to him, sure, but they don't exactly seem to care. They don't ever tell him that he's wanted.

So the tiny, scared, angry clone who's never known love a day in his life... runs. He was abandoned in the science facility, so he thinks he knows how to survive on his own. Turns out that things are much more dangerous on Tatooine than one might expect.

It's not long before Boba realises that Prime is missing, and he then assumes that Prime was kidnapped. He promptly starts asking around in the criminal underworld. By which I mean he shoots a bunch of people and makes a bunch of threats, because he's Boba Fucking Fett and he's pissed off.

When a crew of lowlifes run across Prime, they recognise him as the daimyo's missing kid, and figure there's a great reward in it for them if they bring him back to the palace. Prime does not want to go back to the palace. This is completely irrelevant to the lowlifes, who drag him off, quite literally kicking and screaming.

Boba is not impressed with the way they're treating Prime, and promptly commits more violence.

This does not endear him any to Prime, who's well aware that Boba doesn't like him, and figures he's going to be next because of all the trouble he's caused. His attempt at running for his life is thwarted by Boba catching him.

Boba is not prepared for Prime to break down crying, or for Prime to swear he'll leave and never come back, if only Boba won't hurt him.

Boba reluctantly decides that if he's going to be anything like his father before him... he's gonna have to adopt the kid.

This starts an extremely tense father-son relationship, which Boba proceeds to mess up multiple times, because he has no idea what he's doing. And because he doesn't really want to be a dad in the first place, but he knows that if Prime does run off on his own, he's just going to become another target as soon as anyone figures out his connection to Boba. (Also Boba has daddy issues and abandonment issues, and something something healing your inner child, but in this case it's a child clone of you.)

Upon being treated with kindness for the first time in his life, Prime becomes the sort of clingy that is generally reserved for baby koalas. Boba is hardly the best dad, or even a good dad, really. But he cares about what happens to Prime, and ensures that nobody has a chance to hurt him, and gets him a good education and a pet massiff and a coat that protects him from the sand and a bed that's soft. Prime thinks that Boba's pretty great.

He also starts panicking extremely when he starts thinking that he's a girl, because Boba always calls him 'son' and 'boy' and 'him', and there will surely be some problems in the family if Prime is suddenly none of those things.

Once again, having been forced to be self-sufficient at a young age due to neglect, Prime's solution to all this is to run away, because if nobody knows where she is, they won't be able to hurt her.

Once again, Boba thinks that someone's kidnapped Prime and kills people about it, because if anybody's laid a hand on his kid, they're going to regret it.

Fortunately nobody else finds Prime this time around. Possibly because they're all aware that Boba's on the warpath, and they don't want to get in the middle of that. Or maybe it's just because she's gotten better at hiding, and also has a massiff with her who looks ready to rip the face off of anyone who looks at her wrong.

Boba finds her a few days later and is not pleased with any part of this situation. (He's also been scared shitless by the idea that slavers got their hands on his kid, but god forbid he feel a normal human emotion, so he's covering all that up with rage.)

Anyway, Boba and Prime end up in a screaming match in the street, because Boba thinks Prime is absolutely bonkers for running away from home again, and because of the aforementioned rage cover.

He's also stunned speechless when Prime finally shrieks at him that she ran away from home because she's a girl and he wants a son.

In the most exasperated and baffled tone known to man, he tells her that he doesn't care if he has a daughter or a son, he just wants her to be safe. (And in that moment, maybe, he's the most like his father that he ever will be.)

Prime is also stunned speechless by this, because she genuinely thought that Boba would discard her the second she no longer lived up to his expectations. That's what the scientists did, and it's the only frame of reference she has, for failure.

Upon realising that he's not like the scientists, she immediately starts crying. Boba immediately starts panicking, because he thinks she's been hurt. He somehow panics even more when she flings herself at him and hugs him, because he has no idea what to do about any of this. Eventually he picks her up and carries her home.

Boba has exactly zero idea how to support his daughter in her social transition. She can do whatever she wants, obviously. But it seemed to be a pretty big problem, so he feels like he has to say something. So he tells her that he'll do whatever she wants, if it will help, and asks if maybe she can talk to him if there's any problems, instead of running away again. (He's over thirty so like. His knees. Please have mercy on his knees. He can't keep running around like that.)

Prime decides that she wants a new name, because being called Prime always went hand in hand with being called a boy. Also it reminds her of the lab she was raised and then abandoned in, and she doesn't really like that. She asks if Boba will help her look for a new one, and Boba is internally actually kinda excited by this because it seems like a gesture of trust from her.

She decides to change her name to Prim, short for Primrose. Boba has some questions about that, because wasn't the point of changing her name... well, to be different than before? But he doesn't ask, because he doesn't want another runaway episode, and also she seems really happy with it. Anything to make his daughter happy.

(Being eight years old, Prim does not have the vocabulary to explain why she changed her name so slightly. It's about claiming what once signified her lack of autonomy, and making it part of her identity once she's allowed to have one. Prim is a similar word to Prime. That's the point. She's so similar to what she once was - when she was a scared, abandoned boy in an old lab, certain of nothing but a father's uncaringness - and there's barely any differences right now. But they are there. And they mean everything to her.)

Boba asks her about the flower she named herself after. She shows him pictures and gushes about how pretty they are, and asks if maybe, some day, when she's older, they can go on a trip to see some in person?

He says he'll think about it. He surprises her a week later with a huge flowerpot full of pink and yellow primroses in full bloom.

She tells him that he's the best dad a girl could ever have. And in that one simple sentence, is contained everything she ever wanted.

[murillo-enthusiast]

When Jean-de-Dieu Met The Pretty Lady

—·—·—

All of this, the young eight-year-old Jean-de-Dieu had decided, was a dream.

He didn't usually have very exciting dreams like this one. This dream was more like one of those knights-and-fairies stories that people talked about sometimes, and it even had a wedding - but instead of being a wedding between a cursed snake prince and a woman, it was a wedding between a man and a man. Weird, but maybe Gascons just did stuff like that.

The wedding was weird. Everything was weird, but the wedding was just silly. All the water disappeared and was replaced with weak wine. Jean-de-Dieu didn't like the taste of it, but he made himself drink it anyway. And there was also a pink horse with wings, which was interesting but Jean-de-Dieu didn't want to get too close in case it bit him.

But, anyway.

From what Jean-de-Dieu had gathered, everyone here was a soldier. He hadn't really seen so many soldiers before- sometimes they passed through the village, but the amount of soldiers here was more than the amount of people in his village.

These soldiers were expecting this leader, this "Marshal Soult", to be here. But for some reason, Jean-de-Dieu was here instead.

Maybe he was meant to be this leader. He tried to give the soldiers a few orders, but they laughed and rubbed his hair, which was really annoying.

At least the giant had been happy to follow his orders, and the giant had been a grand steed. The presence of the giant was definitely proof that he was in a dream.

The red man was also very nice to him, though he was scary when he had the wings and the light and when he made the entire dream into barrels. The red man seemed like he both didn't want anything to do with Jean-de-Dieu but also like he had to be there. Which wasn't Jean-de-Dieu's fault, he thought.

Now that he knew this was all a dream, he felt better about his parents not being here. Of course he'd see them when he woke up.

He thought he saw his dad, but the man was dressed in a uniform that was far too nice, and it turned out to be some kind of uncle that he hadn't met before. Uncle Pierre, just like Jean-de-Dieu's younger brother. This was a little suspicious, but Uncle Pierre sounded like family and knew family things and if this was a dream, an extra dream uncle was acceptable.

There were these soldiers who kept staying close to him, dressed in bright yellow and sky blue; Jean-de-Dieu liked that combination of colours. For some reason, one of these soldiers was a woman, who kept telling Jean-de-Dieu jokes that were actually a little funny. Another one of those soldiers had beast ears for some reason and kept trying to ask Jean-de-Dieu if he was okay and if he needed anything, which was annoying, but Jean-de-Dieu felt like if the other soldiers weren't around, he could probably order this one to do anything he wanted.

The Gascon one who had helped talk to him at first was pretty busy, but he showed Jean-de-Dieu a lot of interesting maps and talked about the plants around the area, which went over Jean-de-Dieu's head but was kinda fun.

And then there was the sensible one who actually seemed like he knew what he was doing, and it was this one who was following Jean-de-Dieu when he met the lady.

The dream was acting like a dream, and the barrels and the toys were fading away. In their place was the village, with some new buildings and some buildings gone… and a chateau.

Some of the soldiers had laughed when Jean-de-Dieu asked them about the chateau. "It's a pavillon," they said, and refused to elaborate.

There was an argument over whether he should be allowed to go to the chateau, and during that argument, Jean-de-Dieu slipped away.

He thought he made a good escape.

He was getting close to the chateau when he saw the door open, revealing the prettiest lady that he had ever seen. She was dressed in white, her necklace was very shiny, and when she saw Jean-de-Dieu, she smiled very warmly.

Her French was strangely and strongly accented, a little like that red man's. Jean-de-Dieu was having trouble working out what she was saying, but he was pretty sure she was asking who he was and where his parents were.

But before he could answer, the sensible soldier who had silently and creepily followed him responded.

"Madame la Maréchale, this… is young Jean-de-Dieu. He is eight years of age and does not recall anything."

"Oh!" said the lady. She said something, which was probably her name- Louis or Luise or Luisa. And then- "Would you like to come in… Jean?"

She was so pretty, Jean-de-Dieu didn't even correct her on his name.

The chateau was so big and full of so many pretty paintings, and apparently it was called Soultberg. It belonged to the leader that everyone was expecting to be here, too.

This Marshal Soult must be so rich and powerful to have so many soldiers, this nice house and this pretty lady.

No wonder this was a dream. It would be nice to have these things, but Jean-de-Dieu wasn't a stupid kid.

He'd wake up, and he'd go learn French and writing from his uncle, and he'd one day learn how to do what his dad does, and he'd take over his dad's work, because that was what he'd do.

But now he was wondering...

What would it be like to be a soldier..?

—·—·—

(... next? )

[xiyao-feels]

On the topic of WWX's privilege vs JGY's, there's this exchange with WQ after he's killed Jin Zixuan that always stands out to me:

He could neither shout nor move, rasping, “Why are you going to Koi Tower? I wasn’t the one who cursed him with Hundred Holes at all…”

Wen Qing, “But they have set their minds that it was you.”

Wei WuXian tried his best to think of ways to deal with this. Suddenly, he thought of something, “Then find the real person who set the curse! Jin ZiXun’s definitely gone to experts of cursing. The most common way to deal with these curses is to hit them back, let the effects rebound back to the one who placed the curse. Even if not all of the power could be rebounded, a large portion can. We can just look for someone who has the same curse marks on them!”

Wen Qing, “There’s no use.”

Wei WuXian, “Why not?”

Wen Qing, “There are so many people—where could we look for them? Set up a checkpoint on every street of every city and make everyone take off their clothes so that we can check?”

Wei WuXian protested, “Why not?”

Wen Qing, “Who’d be willing to set up these checkpoints for you? And for how long do you intend to search? We could perhaps find them after eight or ten years, but would those people be willing to wait?”

Wei WuXian, “But there are no rebounded curse marks on me!”

Wen Qing, “During today’s incident, did they ask you?”

Wei WuXian, “No.”

Wen Qing, “That’s right. They didn’t ask. They straight-up prepared to kill you. Do you understand now? They don’t need any proof. They don’t need you to find the truth either. Whether or not you have curse marks on your body doesn’t matter at all. You’re the YiLing Patriarch, the King of the Demonic Path. You specialize in dark curses, so it wouldn’t even be strange if you didn’t have curse marks on you. On top of that, you didn’t have to do it yourself. You could’ve gotten Wen-dogs, your slaves, to do it for you. It’s you no matter what. You won’t be able to deny it.”

(ER 77)

At this point WWX still feels on some level like he can defend himself with reason—not just from one person, but from the mob. He expects that something like finding the actual person who set the curse can be done, and while I don't think he's really thinking through how much work that would be, it suggests that he's not used to having to think through how much effort it would take, to prove himself innocent. Intuitively, he expects to be given the benefit of the doubt, not by everyone but by enough people; intuitively, he expects a situation where at least someone in authority is on his side.

And he's wrong, of course, as he realizes here, and as he learns even more deeply at Nightless City. But I think the fact that he has to learn it speaks a lot to what his experience of the world was, until this point.

And the thing about JGY is, he'd never have made this mistake, because he's never had the things that WWX did! He's never been given the benefit of the doubt, he knows not to expect support from any authority. Tbh we see him surviving only because he doesn't make this mistake: what do you think would have happened to him, if he'd turned himself in at Langya, if he'd tried to argue with NMJ after Sun Palace instead of fleeing?

There are a lot of scenes showing just how different their circumstances are, but this moment says a lot to me. Even now, even after everything that's happened, WWX still expects things to play out as though he's a favoured member of the Jiang sect; and he doesn't realize just how different things are for someone who's really outside the system.

[owlseeyoulaterpal]

Like Real People Do, Chapter Eleven

Gale Dekarios x Named! Tav x Astarion Ancunín

Chapter Synopsis: Seraphina stumbles in her faith while events at Moonrise Towers lead Astarion to finally get something off his chest.

Chapter One. Chapter Two. Chapter Three. Chapter Four. Chapter Four and a Half. Chapter Five. Chapter Six. Chapter Seven. Chapter Eight. Chapter Nine. Chapter Nine and a Half. Chapter Ten.

Read on ao3.

Word Count: 5.3k

Notes: Time to make way for the angst.

Learn more about my Tav, Seraphina.

Chapter Eleven: Tell me where your love lies

Tell me where your love lies Waste the day and spend the night Underneath the sunrise Show me where your love lies

Seraphina was silent as Astarion exchanged words with Vadan. The words, harsh and insulting from Astarion and passive-aggressive from Vadan, floated in and out of her ears. Astarion took her hand and led her into the inn. If he was speaking to her, she didn’t process any of it. She was underwater – everything was muffled and murky. He didn’t lead her back to the table where their companions were now playing a card game with a few Harpers. Instead, Astarion walked her upstairs.

The vampire pulled a brass key from his pocket and unlocked a room. He shut the door behind Seraphina and, with two quick fire bolts, Astarion lit candles in the room. It was when his hands settled on her hips and pushed her against the door that some of the fog lifted.

“I’m not too fond of another elf taking you away like that,” Astarion whispered, pressing his body against hers. 

“Astarion, I have to get back downstairs – ” 

“Hush,” he continued. Astarion leaned forward and kissed Seraphina hungrily. Her body responded. She allowed him to kiss and nip down her jaw and neck, his hands working at the clips holding her armor together. She tangled her fingers in his hair, desperate to hold on to something. His fangs grazed her neck before they pressed lightly in one spot and he paused, asking permission. She nodded and she waited for the expected pain, but none came, as Astarion instead slowly grazed his fangs down her neck.

“You don’t seem to be that present,” Astarion whispered, one hand squeezing her ass and the other holding her jaw. “Is your former lover on your mind?”

“I didn’t take you for the jealous type, Astarion.”

“What is there to be jealous of? A barbaric oaf who thought he could just waltz up for a hug after how he left you?” Astarion scoffed. “Or the wizard who thinks asking if you’ve read any naughty books is adequate seduction?”

“You have incredibly stiff competition. Don’t act so sure,” she replied, forcing a smile.

“And yet you’re right here with me, beautiful,” he grinned, kissing her again before lowering his lips back to her neck. “May I?”

Seraphina nodded. When she felt the pain of his bite, she returned to her thoughts, grateful she didn’t have to continue faking happiness for just a few moments.

What did she truly want for her life? It seemed ridiculous to think about when death or transformation into a mind flayer hung over her head, but only entertaining the possibility of survival was keeping her sane. Her current path had led to her to the hells and put her at risk of becoming a mind flayer. If she had acquiesced to Vadan’s request to end her trial and stop adventuring, right now she would be comfortable in a home with a warm hearth, blissfully unaware of the Absolute until her husband arrived home with stories of his recent conflicts.

If she survived this and passed her trial, she would spend most of her time on the road, risking her life, fulfilling Tymora’s divine commands for centuries. If she survived and ended her trial…what would that life, a life exiled from her family and her temple, look like? All she really knew about herself was that she liked traveling and helping people. It would be a life without designated purpose or direction. A real life where she made her own decisions and chased her own whims. She’d be alive.

It could be a life where she wasn’t at risk of death all the time. A life where lovers didn’t run because it was dangerous to love her. In the time since Vadan, she had fumbled through flings and people who were seemingly incapable of loving or entirely unwilling to love her. She obviously had no idea what she was doing, as Vadan had often told her when they traveled together. He knew what was best for her. She had no idea what her purpose was.

Maybe she should leave this room and go back to Vadan. Apologize and reconcile their relationship. She could end her trial. After confronting the cult at Moonrise, the tadpole would be gone if she was lucky, and they could go to the Gate and be married. She didn’t know what she wanted, and he had everything planned out. It would be wiser to follow Vadan rather than continue fumbling through the fog as she had in pursuit of some destiny that had been planned for her long before she was born. 

She’d been a foolish puppet, blind to every possibility that wasn’t the future Tymora, her family, and her temple decided for her, and now death was her only reward.

A snap.

“Seraphina.”

Seraphina’s eyes focused on Astarion’s hand in front of her face as he snapped again. Their armor was scattered on the ground, the vampire having nearly completely disrobed her while she got lost in her thoughts. She couldn’t make out his expression. He seemed just as irritated as he seemed concerned, her blood staining his lips. He had become impossible to read lately. Had she ever been able to read him? As she looked into his crimson eyes, sadness hit her in a wave, and Seraphina frowned. Astarion was just another soul that she had attempted to flood with kindness and sympathy, hoping that he would love her, when the reality was that he only wanted her body. He only wanted her body while she was desperately holding out her heart.

And then there was Gale. Gale who was charming, erudite, compassionate, and supportive. When she looked at her life, there was no one like him in its archive until she stopped at that unstable sigil near the nautiloid. She felt a sense of peace and confidence with him that she had previously only associated with her faith in Tymora. Gale had become important to her in a way that few other traveling companions had before. How lucky the world was to have him, and yet he was resolute in doing what was necessary to gain his goddess’ forgiveness, which meant his death was imminent.

“You don’t want this,” Astarion said, furrowing his eyebrows.

“I…I…” she stammered. She gulped. “Can you just hold me?”

Astarion froze for a moment. She watched his eyes dart to look at the door behind her, as if he wanted to run. His eyes flicked back to her, and a silence stretched on. Seraphina held her breath. Were they finally going to say it? Was he going to call whatever this was between them something and declare that he wanted her for more than her blood and stolen moments in their tents or in the forest? Or was he afraid of this? Was he afraid of her too?

“Come lay down, darling,” he murmured, squeezing her waist. No. They weren’t going to talk about it. She silently followed him over to the bed. The mattress was barely big enough for both of them, creaky, and slightly damp. Astarion rested his head against the pillows and awkwardly held open his arms. She laid on top of him, pressing her forehead against his bare chest and wrapping her arms around his stiff torso. She felt his arms slowly wrap around her.

She breathed in his scent of bergamot and brandy, the smell that had soothed her heart over the last few weeks. After a few minutes, she felt Astarion relax beneath her, his hands beginning to rub over her back and arm. She hummed, some of her dread ebbing away. She would’ve liked to stay like this forever.

“What’s on your mind, love?” Astarion asked.

“Do you care?” Seraphina replied.

“Strangely, yes.”

“I fucked up everything in my life in order to end up here.”

“You’re just now realizing that? You’re not special for that,” Astarion responded. “Darling, something went wrong for every single one of us in our little band of freaks.”

“What’s your plan after this?”

Astarion’s hands paused, stopping on Seraphina’s lower back and wrist.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

She shifted, resting her chin on his chest to look at him. He was genuinely baffled.

“What’s your plan after we destroy the Absolute and we’re free?” Seraphina asked.

“You may be free after we get these parasites out, but I won’t. I’ll only be free if I kill Cazador,” Astarion replied, his nose crinkling when he said the vampire lord’s name.

“And I’m going to help you do that. But what comes next? What do you want?”

Astarion’s mouth opened and closed again. His lips twitched.

“I…I haven’t ever been able to consider that,” he murmured.

Seraphina’s heart broke for him. She removed one of her hands from around him and gently pushed a few hairs behind his ear. His eyes closed briefly.

“I hope we’ll all have time to figure out what we want after this,” she whispered. 

“Hmm. You truly are a little optimistic fool, aren’t you?” Astarion hummed as he guided Seraphina’s cheek to his chest.

“One of us has to be,” she replied.

“Well, I am hopeful for something…”

“Go on.”

“But it may require some help from a devil.”

x x x

Raphael happened to be right downstairs. Seraphina tried to shake away memories of the last time a devil took a worrying amount of interest in the party that she traveled with while Astarion laid out his request for a deal. After a talk, where Raphael seemed far too eager to find a method of payment, Seraphina parted ways with Astarion, resuming her duties as the leader of the party. She paid the innkeeper for dinner for her people, accompanied Karlach to get her second upgrade from the smith Dammon, led Halsin to an unconscious man named Art, traded to get potions and new equipment for everyone, and finally sat down for a drink with Jaheira. 

Seraphina wasn’t pleased with being drugged with a truth herb when she had intended to be honest with the High Harper, but she understood the druid’s actions. Seraphina took the party with her to meet the cleric Isobel and receive the blessing that would protect them from the harsh land and any sense of calm was immediately shattered.

The attempted abduction of Isobel by Absolutists made it clear that the party had to infiltrate Moonrise immediately. After briefly meeting the infamous Ketheric Thorm, they all scouted out the tower, taking notes about the floorplan and guard posts and formations.

“Oh gods,” Astarion gagged, gaping at a strange doorway that was filled with a purple-pink fleshy membrane. “All of them deserve a grisly death for this alone.”

“Well, with the offal on the walls and the ghoulish lighting, I think they’ve certainly achieved the macabre ambience they were going for,” Gale added.

“I bet you won’t stick your hand in it,” Karlach snickered.

“You’re more than welcome to do the honors of such a task, my friend,” Astarion replied.

“Is anyone putting down gold for touching it?” Seraphina said mischievously as she reached out towards a closed door. 

“Can you not see that this monstrosity resembles the flesh on the ghaik ship? Don’t touch it,” Lae’zel hissed.

“It’s bad enough to have the one tadpole,” Shadowheart grumbled.

“Or in Astarion’s case…five,” Wyll commented.

“Still alive and tentacle free. Any of you are welcome to try it the next time we split open a True Soul’s skull,” Astarion replied.

As most of her companions wandered into the kitchen, Seraphina continued through the door next to her, carefully peeking her head through. It was yet another dimly lit room, but this one vaguely smelled of herbs, blood, and smoke. At tables against the wall stood a drow woman with braids across the side of her head. The tables were covered in various bottles, pieces of parchment, and alchemy tools.

The drow’s head whipped up at the sound of the door opening and she grinned, waving in Seraphina. As she stepped in, she heard a light flurry of steps and felt a pinch on her backside. She looked only to see Astarion behind her.

“Hey!” she squeaked, swatting his hand.

“It’s dangerous to wander off by yourself,” he shrugged with a smirk.

They both walked over closer to the drow.

“Araj Oblodra, trader in blood and the sanguineous arts. It is a pleasure to stand before a True Soul. And your pale companion,” Araj smiled deviously at Astarion, who recoiled. “I’d like to offer my services, if you’re willing?”

“Why are you interested in my pale friend?” Seraphina asked.

“Please,” Araj scoffed. “You think someone in my line of work wouldn’t recognize a vampire spawn when they see one? I assume he belongs to you?”

Seraphina looked at her with disgust.

“Your assumption would be wrong. Astarion is his own person.”

“I’m sure he really believes that. How utterly adorable,” Araj laughed mockingly before fixing her condescending gaze on Astarion.

“Astarion, I’ve dreamt of being bitten by a vampire since I was a young girl. I’ve longed to dance on the edge between life and death. I’ll even compensate you – a potion of legendary power that forever increases the strength of the one who consumes it.”

“I will have to decline,” Astarion replied right away.

“Excuse me? This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and you’re squandering it.”

“I gave you my answer,” Astarion growled, his fists clenched.

“Can’t you talk some sense into your obstinate charge?” Araj turned to Seraphina.

“He said no, so the matter can be dropped. I think we’ll be going now,” Seraphina said evenly, glaring at the drow. She and Astarion swiftly exited the room. Anger remained on Astarion’s face, his eyebrows furrowed, his nose crinkled, and his mouth twisted into a scowl.

“Are you alright?” Seraphina asked. “I think we have enough info that we can head out – ”

“Why wouldn’t I be fine?” Astarion snapped.

Seraphina blinked. 

“A-after what just happened, I was just trying to make sure you felt okay,” she stammered. She straightened and looked him in the eye before she whispered. “I’m not your enemy, Astarion.”

Astarion’s face softened and then he immediately frowned. 

“I’m fine,” he murmured. “I’ll see you later, darling.”

Astarion walked away and Seraphina considered going after him, but it was obvious he needed his space. She wandered out towards the front room, her short stature making it easy for her to weave through the crowd of brainwashed fanatics.

“Praise the Absolute,” a few cultists said as she walked past.

A cold shiver trailed its way down Seraphina’s spine and fear settled in her bones as one of the men, wearing a dark cloak with the hood flipped up, continued smiling directly at her. He stood near a table with various equipment, potions, and weapons.

Alright, he’s just eager to make a sale she thought. She walked over to him, pulling out her pouch of gold as she touched the fabric of a robe.

“You might want to hide that little pendant of yours.”

Seraphina looked up from the robe in bewilderment. This close to him, she could see what he hid under his hood – black antlers peeked out from the very edges of the fabric. Rage began to flow in her veins.

“Your vile goddess won’t be able to protect you from being struck down at my hand,” Seraphina hissed, lightning sparking at her fingers as she prepared to shock the man.

“That wouldn’t be a very smart move, Tymoran. At least not before you hear the message I bring.”

Gods dammit. The less attention they drew while in the lair of the Absolute, the better. She lowered her hand, and she tucked her Tymoran necklace under her armor.

“I have no interest – ” 

“You intend to kill the General, yes?” the man cut her off.

Seraphina clenched her jaw. Both of their eyes quickly darted around the room, scanning. No one seemed to be paying attention to them.

“The only person listening is your lover. The vampire, yes?” the man said. Seraphina gulped. Her skin crawled knowing that the Black Fingers probably knew quite a lot about her party. She chose to ignore the comment as she watched, out of the corner of her eye, said vampire idly walking nearby in her orbit.

“Why do my intentions matter to Beshaba?”

“The Absolute is a threat that she intends to see eliminated. You seem like an asset in that endeavor.”

“Get to the point.”

“Your goddess continues to test you even while you risk your neck to defeat a cult that could destroy Faerûn. Why continue trusting in Tymora’s fickle luck when you, as a bringer of misfortune, could ensure the ensure the end of this crisis?”

Seraphina gawked at him.

“Beshaba is a fool if she thinks I would follow her,” she spat.

“Accept Beshaba’s boon and you will be able to save yourself. Or her misfortune can befall you and someone else will take your place.”

“No,” Seraphina hissed.

“My ship departs for Baldur’s Gate in 17 hours. I will be at the docks if you see reason,” the man said. 

Seraphina quickly walked away, her legs unstable and her entire body coated in sweat. She tried to even her breathing as her surroundings blurred around her. In the distance, she could see the deep purple of Gale’s robes. She stumbled closer and grasped his arm.

“Seraphina?” Gale said. Concern washed over his face, and he grabbed her upper arms, helping her to stand. Shadowheart turned and her eyes widened at Seraphina.

“Gods, what happened to you?” she asked.

“Could you try and give the others a little encouragement to get back to the inn faster? We’ll be right behind you,” Gale said to Shadowheart.

The half-elf looked to Seraphina, who nodded.

“Alright. But I don’t want to lose sight of either of you,” Shadowheart replied. She walked towards the front of the group. “You know, I overheard the innkeeper say he might cut dinner off early tonight.”

“What? No way he’d actually do that!” Karlach said.

“Then let’s pick up the pace a little, shall we?” Shadowheart said.

As the others began to walk a bit faster, exiting the doors of Moonrise, Seraphina saw Astarion, towards the back of the group, staring at her. His crimson eyes were as big as dinner plates. His eyes flicked towards Gale, but the wizard’s gaze was focused on the tiefling. Something crossed Astarion’s face, a slight frown pulling at the edges of his lips, but Seraphina didn’t have time to decipher it before the vampire whipped around and caught up with the others. She would endure his questioning about what he overheard later.

“Take a deep breath in,” Gale said softly. Seraphina complied.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

“Hold it.”

One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

“Exhale for me.”

One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Seraphina could feel her heart slowly reducing its thunderous beating. Gale grabbed her hand and squeezed.

“Tell me. What do you see?”

At first, she looked at her surroundings and looking at the darkness, only slightly dispelled by the silvery protective aura that surrounded their bodies, only made the void in her stomach become larger and more consuming. She turned to look at Gale instead. His gentle smile. The lines that surrounded his attractive face. His gray hairs, signs of stress more than they were aging. His gorgeous, welcoming eyes.

“The biggest, brownest, most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen,” Seraphina gushed.

Gale chuckled.

“Most beautiful? I can only assume that you haven’t looked in a mirror in quite some time,” he replied, smiling before his face became serious. “What happened? Did that trader say something to you?”

She looked ahead towards their party. Did she want to burden him with this?

“He…he was a member of the Black Fingers.”

Gale’s face twisted in anger, and he opened his mouth to speak.

“We can’t go do anything to him. Not in front of all those cultists,” she said quickly.

“Did he threaten you?”

“No,” she replied. “He had a message from Beshaba.”

x x x

“Make your move.”

“I will if you could hold your tongue for just a moment.”

“I thought you were supposed to win tonight, Gale.”

“Yes, and I will. You are surely wise enough to understand that victory takes time.”

“Mhmm. Your steps towards victory just seem to be making you sweat.”

“I think you are more likely to be the cause of that.”

“Seraphina? Do you have a moment?”

The tiefling and the wizard looked up from the game of lanceboard that they were playing cross-legged on the ground in front of Gale’s tent. Astarion stood over them, his fingers tapping on his leg. Gale gave her a small smile, though she could see the disappointment in his eyes.

“I think I have a long moment while Gale figures out how he’s going to save this game,” Seraphina grinned. “I’ll be back,” she said to Gale, standing.

Gale nodded at her as she followed Astarion into his tent. He wasn’t moving with his typical swagger and confidence. He seemed stiff and wilted as he kneeled and gestured for her to do the same. She sat and looked at him expectantly.

“I want to thank you,” Astarion said. Seraphina quirked an eyebrow.

“You’re welcome?” Seraphina replied quizzically. 

“For what you said while I was in front of that vile drow. I spent two hundred years using my body to lure pretty things back for my Master. You could have asked me to throw myself at her, what I wanted be damned. But you didn’t. And I’m grateful.”

“Are you getting sentimental on me?” Seraphina smirked.

“Oh, don’t look at me at like that. I’m as surprised as you are,” Astarion laughed. “It’s just…it would have been so easy to bite her. To just go along with what I was being told to do. A moment of disgust to force myself through. And then I could have carried on, just like before.”

Seraphina shook her head.

“Your life is your own, Astarion. You make your own decisions now.”

“The entire reason for my existence was to seduce anything with a pulse. And every instinct I have tells me that nothing’s changed,” Astarion frowned. “That I’m still just a means to an end. You made me see I never stopped thinking like I was still his slave, even in freedom. But I’m more than that. More than a thing to be used.”

Seraphina twisted her lips as she considered Astarion’s words. 

“If you feel that way about sex, why sleep with me? Did you think you’d get something from it?”

Astarion paused. He lifted one hand and gently grabbed the back of Seraphina’s neck, pulling her into a kiss. Even with the familiarity of his mouth, this kiss felt…different. His tongue moved slowly, greedily, as if he was trying to memorize how her mouth felt. His fingers wandered into her hair and pulled, tilting her head back and making her open up more for him. Seraphina’s hands went to Astarion’s shoulders, gripping and dragging him closer. His passion made all the breath leave her body.

She felt ready to say it. She wanted to tell him the words that had danced on the edge of her tongue for the last few days. I love you. Despite and because of everything, I love you. He pulled away and she thought he was ready too. A goofy smile made her lips curve up.

Astarion smiled back at her, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Gods, you’re beautiful,” he breathed.

“All that nearly distracted me from what I asked you,” she replied.

Astarion’s tongue darted out to lick his lips and Seraphina felt his hand tremble on her neck.

“I slept with you because I needed protection. People don’t trust vampires – perhaps understandably – so I needed to get someone on my side. And seducing you was easy, frankly,” Astarion said, huffing out a laugh with a gentle smile. “Imagine how stupid I felt when I started to genuinely feel something for you.”

Seraphina’s smile dropped. 

“Trust me, I was not happy about it. You were a complication in my plan that I didn’t see coming. And yet…” Astarion continued. Seraphina’s blood pumped violently in her ears. Astarion’s hand went from her neck to her cheek, and she snatched away from his touch.

She pored over her memories from the moment she met the vampire. The first night after the nautiloid when she offered to continue traveling together and he told her he didn’t want her to run off from him. The subtle and overt flirting that started in private and that soon bled over to often happening in front of the others in their party. All the times he’d held her and kissed her. His rare, but tooth-achingly sweet words of affection that made her insides warm and her heart flutter. All of it a farce.

“Astarion…you were manipulating me while I was — Is this conversation just another part of your plan?” Seraphina’s voice cracked.

Astarion’s face crumpled.

“It may have started with dishonest intentions, but that’s not what it is now. That’s not how it has been for some time,” Astarion replied, his tone urgent. “I didn’t want to, but I care for you now, and I want you to know the truth. You deserve that.”

“Is there anything else you’re hiding?”

Astarion hesitated, his eyes flickering to the corner of the tent. His gaze returned to her.

“We…have met before,” Astarion started. “One night a few years ago in the Blushing Mermaid.”

Seraphina’s eyes narrowed, searching her brain for the memory. No. Surely, she would remember meeting him. Surely. And yet…

There it was – a foggy half-forgotten memory. In her mind’s eye, among the many drunken nights she had spent at the Blushing Mermaid, there was that one night with the handsome, white-haired stranger that split a bottle of Suzailian Sweet with her. The stranger whose hot kisses and honeyed words nearly led her away from her companions that night. Rose, her halfling companion, had asked about him and Seraphina remembered saying he was a good kisser, but it was weird how cold his skin was.

Astarion would’ve only been in that tavern trying to seduce her for one reason.

“You were going to take me back to him,” she murmured.

“Yes.”

Bile rose up in Seraphina’s throat. 

“What is this between us to you now if not something dishonest? What do you want now?” Seraphina demanded.

“I…I’m not sure. I have no idea what I’m doing,” Astarion said, his voice cracked, and her anger dulled for a fraction of second as Astarion’s sudden vulnerability struck her.

“I want us…to be something real,” he whispered. Her entire body burned. She felt violently ill as she looked at the man that she had desired to share her soul with. Maybe she still did have that desire. But how could he be trusted? 

“I…I don’t know if I can forgive you,” she uttered, her chest tight, her breathing short as if she was wearing thousands of pounds of armor. 

“Seraphina – ”

“Gods, I fell in love with you,” she sobbed, her entire body shaking. “Whatever this was is over.”

“I – yes, alright. I can understand,” Astarion replied, deflating instantly, his red eyes glistening. “Perhaps that’s for the best for both of us. If you want me to leave camp – ”

“No,” she said quickly. “I…I’m sorry. I…I have to go,” she choked out. Seraphina ran from Astarion’s tent as if she was fleeing a fire.

Why am I apologizing? What do I even have to apologize for?

As she made a beeline towards her own tent, Wyll stood over Gale’s shoulder, offering his lanceboard advice.

“Seraphina, glad that you could return to our – ” Gale’s smile dropped when he saw Seraphina’s face up close. “Are you alright?”

“We need to get some rest. We have a long walk to get to the mausoleum,” she said shortly, zooming past the two men to dive into her tent. As soon as she entered, it was as if the gate flew open. Her tears flowed and her cries racked her body. She blubbered through a scroll of silence before curling into a ball, her knees tucked to her chest. She sobbed and screamed until her head ached and her throat was raw. She was almost glad that Astarion didn’t fight her on her decision. If he had, her resolve might’ve disintegrated to ash. 

Seraphina couldn’t deny that she wanted a real relationship with Astarion. She thought all those sweet moments like that first night in the forest, their late-night conversations, the first time he kissed her – she thought all of it was building towards something beautiful. But now, looking at the beginning, it all felt…tainted.

But what if she went back and told him everything that her heart had yearned to say for weeks? What if she said ‘yes’ to a real relationship with him? Astarion had spent two hundred horrible years not knowing what it felt like to be loved. She wanted to give that to him and experience the true, genuine Astarion. Seraphina’s stomach flipped. She didn’t know if she would ever forget how Astarion had deceived her for so long. 

And then one thought snuck in unbidden: Gale would never do this to me. He had made his feelings clear at that party after they defended the Grove. He was honest…at least she thought he was. She had also thought Astarion was being honest like the fool that she was. 

She cried until her face and eyes stung and she felt weak. Hours later, she crawled out of her tent and looked around the camp, silent and dark. Without thinking, her feet carried her to the purple tent that had flickers of candlelight peeking out between the flaps.

“Gale?” she whispered with a frail voice.

“Come in!”

She stepped inside, carefully dodging a pile of books that had fallen over into the entrance. Gale lounged against a pile of pillows, a brown, well-used book in his hand. His welcoming gaze made her want to throw herself at him so he could hold her all night.

“I’m sorry for interrupting your reading,” the tiefling whispered, her tail twitching as it tried to wrap around her leg.

“Oh, there’s no need to apologize. You are far more interesting than the journals of this Balthazar fellow,” Gale said.

Seraphina quirked an eyebrow,

“I doubt that,” she smirked, trying to let her mood shift. “I’m curious myself what he’s been up to.”

“I would’ve asked you to join, but it seemed like you needed to be alone,” he replied.

Gale examined her face, his narrowed eyes very briefly darting down to the puffy bite marks on her neck, and his nostrils flared as his eyebrows furrowed.

“Did Astarion hurt you?” he asked. 

Seraphina sighed, her breath shaking. 

“It’s complicated,” she responded. “Yes, but it’s nothing that can’t be remedied.”

Gale frowned, but he gave her a sad, knowing look.

“It is quite upsetting to witness someone break a heart like yours,” he murmured.

Seraphina thought of Mystra.

“I feel the same way about you,” she said, crawling further into the tent to sit next to him. “And then for that same person to demand something horrific of you…it is a shame indeed.”

“Let’s not discuss that for now. How about we start from the beginning?” Gale flipped to the start of the journal.

Seraphina sighed. She leaned her head against Gale’s shoulder, and she let his rumbling voice, vibrating from his chest and through her own body, lull her into tranquility. In the back of her mind, she thought of the assassin who was waiting at the docks. Even considering the offer that his goddess extended was blasphemy. Serving Beshaba would be an upheaval of everything that she had been taught and believed in her entire life. And yet the safety of being able to direct misfortune upon her enemies, and away from herself and the people she loved, called to her.

[bathsaltsmcgee]

My thoughts on HH and some other stuff, too

Wow, y'all. Just... just Wow.

Okay, first off, I just wanted to say that I am absolutely blown away by the sheer amount and scope of all the attention that I've gotten this past week or so regarding my story BtM. I was truly not expecting that, and for my readership to explode exponentially since the last time I posted, it's amazing to me the number of followers I've gained, the people who've stopped by to say hello, the messages, the comments, the subscriptions and favorites, the everything else, and I just wanted to say thank you.

Reading everyone's reactions and seeing them get so excited and hyped up about something that I truly care about really makes writing worth it.

So, I'm thrilled that everyone's having so much fun. :D I know I am!

Anyway, I've had a couple people reach out to me, requesting my thoughts regarding the first season of Hazbin Hotel, and I thought to myself, 'Oh, why not?'

So, here we are.

Overall, I greatly enjoyed it. The animation was crisp and pretty to look at, the songs were absolute bops, as was the background soundtrack, the overarching narrative was interesting, and the characters, barring a few notable exceptions here and there- *cough* icky moth man who needs squished flat with a metal cleat and the world's first grandiose malignant narcissist- were quite enjoyable.

They were all well written, of course, but, good Lord, some of them were just truly heinous people.

I think, out of that of all of the new characters to which we were introduced in the series that didn't hold speaking roles in the pilot, I think my favorite was a tie between Rosie and Emily. Rosie was exactly who I hoped she'd be, Dolly Levi with a dash of Mary Poppins- she even gave out her business card to that one cannibal lady like Dolly did all the time in 'Hello Dolly'- and Emily was such an adorable little bean. We need more of both those ladies in the future.

The biggest surprise out of the whole show for me, though, was finding out that the hotel actually worked. I genuinely was not expecting that, and I suspect that the exercises that Charlie was making everyone do didn't really do that much, but the situations in which the characters found themselves and how they chose to react to those situations because of their experiences at the hotel were what really clinched it in the end.

I'm very proud of Pen, though. Good for you, man. Goin' out like a champ and getting into Heaven by total accident. Well done.

Mind you, I did have a few gripes here and there, such as the rushed nature of the pacing, but I doubt that I'm alone in that particular camp. The pacing of the overarching narrative was a bit rushed for my taste, and when I'm watching a show, I would prefer not to feel at the end of it like I was in the middle of a caffeine bender.

If I'm going to do that, I'll drink two pots of coffee, follow it up with a latte, and see where it goes from there.

It was almost like deciding to make soup, but not adding any water to the condensed can, so it ended up way too thick and not nearly as smooth as it could've been, had the water been included.

Had they taken the same amount of plot and spread it out over twelve episodes, instead of just eight, it would've been a bit more evenly balanced, and we might have gotten more character moments and interactions to really sell the growing bonds between the main cast, which would've made the other narrative points that much more powerful, such as Pen's noble sacrifice.

However, the number of episodes was probably down to studio constraints and the bigwigs decision to keep the series compressed because money, so I won't hold that against the production team.

That's just business. It happens. No big deal.

So, all in all, it was a fun little romp. Alastor is still my favorite character, because he's just so interesting and multifaceted, and by the end of the season, I had far more questions about him than I did answers.

This is a good thing, though.

I'd be disappointed if he were too easy a character to read.

There's a lot going on there with him, and his morality is too grey and muddled with far too many unknown factors to make a definitive take on him just yet. I still think that my initial understanding of him is on the right track, such as his MO, but I am curious to see where this goes in the official narrative.

So, yes, I will be staying tuned for the next season.

However... just curious here.

Are we really going to have to wait another two years for the next season?!

Because I heard a rumor circulating that that was the case, and I'm kind of hoping that's not accurate.

[kevinsreviewcatalogue]

Review: Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022)

 Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022)

Rated PG for action/violence, rude humor/language, and some scary moments

<Originally posted at https://kevinsreviewcatalogue.blogspot.com/2023/12/review-puss-in-boots-last-wish-2022.html>

Score: 5 out of 5

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish is a movie I missed last year, which made it kind of annoying to hear so many people praising it to the heavens as one of the best animated films in years, not least of all because I'm the kind of guy who does not like spoilers. Flying down to Florida just in time to share a house with three little kids over Christmas break gave me the perfect opportunity to check it out, and the only thing I'm disappointed about is not seeing it sooner. It doesn't reinvent the wheel or have any pretensions of being a particularly revelatory movie, but it's still an outstandingly well-put-together one in everything from the animation to the characters to the humor to the mayhem. Putting it side-by-side with Shrek, the film that put DreamWorks Animation in the spotlight and which this one is a sequel to a spinoff of, shows just how much the studio has evolved in the twenty-plus years since then, going from mischievous, Looney Tunes-esque pop culture spoofs with barbs aimed directly at Disney to a kind of family-friendly, character-driven adventure comedy that's clearly inspired by the Mouse but still has enough unique style and dramatic edge to stand out. I don't really have much to add to the conversation on this one except to say that it's easily one of the best films that DreamWorks has ever made, especially given what I thought of the movie they released just eight months before this, and one that I expect to stick around as a classic just like Shrek itself.

Set in a fantasy/fairy-tale version of Spain, our eponymous protagonist is an intelligent cat who has exploited his nine lives to become an adventurer who doesn't fear death... at least, not until he loses his eighth life thanks to his carelessness fighting a monster attacking a town. Suddenly, he no longer feels so invincible, especially once he encounters a mysterious wolf bounty hunter who seeks to claim his ninth and final life after watching him squander his previous eight. Going into retirement in an elderly cat lady's home after burying his sword and gear, Puss is dragged back to the world of adventure when Goldilocks, the thuggish leader of the Three Bears Crime Family (guess who her "enforcers" are), seeks to hire him to find the Wishing Star, a magical rock that would grant one wish to whoever discovers it -- and she won't take no for an answer. Puss decides that this star is his key to regaining his nine lives, and with help from an old flame named Kitty Softpaws, he sets out to find it himself, staying one step ahead of Goldilocks, the evil businessman "Big" Jack Horner who wants it for his own ends, and of course, the Wolf.

The look of the film is one of the most immediately striking things about it. While it's not the first film to use cel shading to make computer animation emulate the look of hand-drawn animation while being distinct from both (Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse and The Mitchells vs. the Machines did something similar recently), it's going for a different set of influences than those films, its look instead resembling a mix of the fairy tale artwork that the Shrek movies have always spoofed and anime in the action scenes. The settings feel lifted almost from a highly stylized painting or storybook, while the action looks downright sublime, the film's characters doing battle, chasing one another, and facing various treacherous foes on their quest for the Wishing Star in all manner of awesome ways. Even as cats, Puss and Kitty came across as credible and cool adventure heroes, especially with Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek Pinault leaning heavily into their live-action screen personas, Banderas playing Puss as a riff on Zorro where the only real "parody" element comes from his species and Hayek playing Kitty as the cool femme fatale who has history with the hero that they'll inevitably have to settle. Florence Pugh was hilarious doing her best gender-flipped Ray Winstone impression as Goldilocks, especially with the real Winstone himself voicing one of the three bears (alongside Olivia Colman and Samson Kayo), while John Mulaney made Horner into an absolute bastard who I couldn't wait to see get his well-deserved comeuppance. At first glance, with three separate groups of characters all racing for the Wishing Star, this film can feel sprawling, and yet it always manages to tie these three stories together in a way that feels organic.

The key to doing this was the Wolf. From the moment we're introduced to him, he's presented as a metaphorical representation of death itself, an impossibly skilled fighter who trounces and nearly kills Puss in their first encounter and who is seemingly unstoppable from that point onward, every meeting he has with Puss feeling like it could be their last. The film's comedy stops dead cold whenever the whistling announcing his arrival starts up, Wagner Moura's performance lending him an almost demonic menace without going over-the-top into cackling supervillainy. He is one of the best villains I've seen in any animated film in a long while, a no-nonsense monster whose evil combines the most terrifying elements of an unstoppable force of nature and somebody who hates you personally, the closest thing that a family film could come to an outright slasher movie villain. There have been many jokes made about this film having one of the most realistic depictions of a panic attack in any animated film, but watching it, it was no joke: I understood immediately how this guy completely disarmed Puss' suave, arrogant demeanor and left him a trembling wreck running for his life. The Wolf wasn't just scary, he was a perfect villain for Puss, a representation of how his wasted life is finally catching up with him, and watching Puss reach a place where he can finally confront the Wolf and turn the tables on him was immeasurably satisfying.

From this, we get a fairly simple moral that largely boils down to a celebration of living life to the fullest rather than either wasting it on hedonism or remaining stuck in an idealized past. It's nothing revolutionary, but not only is it exactly the kind of thing that the fairy tales this movie is sending up have long embraced, it's well-told enough that I fully bought into it. If the original Shrek was a deconstructive parody of fairy tales that sent up their moral messages while offering a few of its own, then this film serves largely as a more faithful, straightforward throwback to them, amped up with a swashbuckling action/adventure plot and some jokes for the parents but otherwise falling squarely within the modern, post-Kung Fu Panda DreamWorks wheelhouse.

The Bottom Line

It's a very straightforward movie once you get past the stylish animation, but hardly to a fault, as it's still a riotous, heartfelt, and just plain awesome ride that delivers exactly where it counts and doesn't overstay its welcome. Easily one of the best family films of the last ten years.

[theghostpinesmusic]

Alright, so with an afternoon off from "real" writing, I wanted to take the opportunity to get back in the saddle writing about some of the live music that I've enjoyed lately.

The obvious starting point is Phish's four-night run at Las Vegas's Sphere. With a reputation as a band that always goes above and beyond when it comes to production and as only the second act ever to play this crazy new venue, I always fully expected Phish to use the technology in the Sphere to blow people's minds. I was just hoping they'd webcast it. And they did! Both, I mean! Blow people's minds and webcast it! My mind was destroyed! Completely! Clearly!

Exclamation! Points!

To be totally honest, as a guy who is on sabbatical and who has a bit of disposable income, I seriously thought about buy tickets for these shows when they went on sale. Vegas is literally my least favorite place on Earth, but it's a day's drive away and I guessed that these shows would be worth making the effort. But, when the tickets went on sale, the only point of reference I had for what the Sphere was like was video of U2 playing there and (no shade to U2, an all-time great rock band) they made it look sort of basic and gimmicky. I was also worried that, as a person with a history of finicky but malevolent-when-triggered motion sickness, I might spend over a thousand dollars to see this run only to then spend half of each night in the venue bathroom while everything spun endlessly around me. So I didn't buy tickets at first, and then the secondary market was...insane. So I did not buy tickets later, either.

Now, having watched the webcasts of the run, I mostly regret my decision. But, you know, life goes on.

As amazing and unique as these shows looked and sounded on my average-TV-and-soundbar setup at home, I can't imagine how astounding the sound and visuals were in person, paired with the fact that Phish also played four of their best shows I've heard possibly ever in a row while there.

So, obviously, I was always going to share some of the highlights on here.

Despite my long intro, though, this first share is going to get only very brief commentary. That's because, while it is one of my favorite examples of trippy visuals from the entire run, it is also an eight-minute version of "Carini."

"Carini" is loud, aggressive, crowd-pleasing (for the aforementioned reasons), and, often, jammed out to hell (or heaven, depending on the night) and back. This version is not really "jammed out," though, as much as it just features the band extending the song for a few minutes instrumentally by getting louder and louder before things end.

So, that's it. Instead of my usual 5,000 words of commentary, that's my summation of the music played during this version of "Carini."

Don't get me wrong, it's really good. Played as it was as an end to the first ever Phish set at the Sphere, and on the tails of a fantastic version of "Life Saving Gun," it was the ideal call in this situation, so no complaints from me. But I'm sharing more as a visual example of how awesome the band's production was throughout this run. And how awesome the drone footage makes the Sphere look (in my experience, the first time the band has ever used such dramatic, moving drone footage to document a show). But, you know, you can also enjoy the eight minutes of insanely loud "Carini" if you'd like. I won't stop you.

[wxldhxrt]

Ambrosia's Bloody Melody...

No words could have truly prepared Greyson for what drinking the ambrosia would feel like. They had told him it would hurt, eight hours of torturous pain and hallucinations to be exact and while he thought he could compartmentalise that in his head, the reality was more than he ever could have been prepared for. Arriving at camp he hadn’t been sure what to think or expect, just that apparently he was the son of a god and was destined for more. 

All those years, feeling like an outsider almost made sense, why he’d found people so messy and animals so simple. It was because he truly hadn’t fit in his own skin, not yet anyway. The clarity had been a weight lifted off his shoulders, even if another weight like the fate of the world was added. 

After drinking from the chalice in the temple, the world had gone quiet. The pain had been subtle at first, like a burning under his skin that grew and grew as if someone were fanning the flames. Grey hadn’t known when or how he’d ended up outside, deep in the forests around camp, just that one minute he’d looked up at the marble statue of his father, a father he didn’t know and the next he was surrounded by thick trees, the rich mossy earth beneath his knees instead of the cold stone ground of the temple. 

The pain only got worse, an ache deep in his very bones, muscles and skin aflame with pure white-hot agony. Was he screaming? Greyson didn’t know, he couldn’t hear his own voice over the pulsing of his blood pounding in his ears. Time had little meaning, it could have been five minutes or five years worth of pain, he didn’t know. 

Grey didn’t even realise he was in a hallucination until they came hot and fast, flashing before his eyes. His childhood, growing up poor, feeling the need to fight to defend himself from a world against him. Bullies, teachers, his own stepbrother….The very worst moments of his life played on repeat, showing him every time he’d fucked up. Then his mother, beautiful and whole before the cancer took her, shrivelled her down and eroded away everything she’d been. Greyson struggling to balance school, work and caring for her, his stepfather blaming him because he was different, wasn’t perfect like Liam, because he never fit in anywhere. The day he’d been kicked out for good, not even being able to say goodbye…

He wasn't sure if what he was seeing was even all memories, they all mixed together with the faces of his past, moments in time that seemed surreal and yet felt like they were happening to him all over again. Whether it was his mother's agony from her sickness, being unable to help her or the abuse from his so called family, insults hurled at him alongside fists. Then Adam, the man who'd promised to be his saviour, who'd pulled him from the gutter and given him luxury but at a price.

The emotional pain of those memories and reliving them felt almost worse than the physical pain his body was suffering until it suddenly all seemed to stop. When he finally blinked clear eyes, Greyson saw he was still deep in the woods, surrounded only by the serene silence of nature. Slowly he rose to his knees from where he’d collapsed to the ground sometime during the whole ordeal, wiping muddy hands on his jeans. Had he survived? Was it over? Did he even know his way back to camp....

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

It was early 2022 when I got to the Josh sitcom on my list of things to watch. I watched all three seasons in a few days, and it was exactly what I’d expected it to be: an extremely sitcom-y sitcom. A weirdly sitcom-y sitcom, in this day and age (or even the day and age when it was made, which was 2015-2017). It had all the sitcom tropes. It had sitcom plots where everything resets at the end. It had formulaic jokes and scripts. It was mildly amusing. It was quite endearing in the way that most things Josh Widdicombe does are. It had three main actors who were not particularly great at acting, but weren’t (usually) comically terrible at it. It was incredibly average. Sometimes it was funny. Josh Widdicombe sure did write a sitcom. It seemed like he watched every sitcom in existence (which, according to the way he talks about himself, he has in fact done) and distilled all the little bits of their essence into eighteen episodes. I had a good time while watching it.

I did have a really long, detailed post going at the time, which I updated about eight times as I watched new episodes, in which I kept track of all the cameos in it. I think that ended up being my favourite part of the show – seeing all the comedians who’d just wander in for an episode. It started with Mike Wozniak in episode 1, with a full beard, and seeing that when I wasn’t expecting him to be in the show at all was quite a shock. So I made a post about how weird that was. And then I updated it when the second episode started with James Acaster just sitting on Josh’s couch.

It kept going from there. Every episode had at least one new stand-up comedian in its lineup, sometimes two or three. I was going to find my old post and link to it, but as I’ve recently said I often cringe at the thought of things I might have said more than five seconds ago, so let’s not do that (I’m pretty sure I spelled Elis’ name as Ellis every time I wrote it, I figured out about halfway through 2022 that his name only had one L and realized I’d been spelling it wrong for ages).

So instead of going back to my post where I had screenshots of all these guest stars, I’ll just go to IMDB so I can list them: Mike Wozniak, James Acaster, Tom Allen, Cariad Lloyd, Jennifer Fucking Saunders (playing a character who was the mother of the main character who was played by her real-life daughter), both other guys from Three Bean Salad (Henry Paker and Benjamin Partridge, whom I didn’t recognize at the time but now do off IMDB), both people from Lazy Susan (Celeste Dring and Freya Parker, whom I also did not recognize at the time), Miles Jupp, Lolly Adefope, Felicity Ward, Mike Bubbins, Suzi Ruffell, Romesh Ranganathan, Ellie Taylor, Celia Pacquola. That’s not counting the comedians in the main cast (Josh Widdicombe, Elis James, Beattie Edmondson, Jack Dee) – those are all people who turned up for one episode each, except for Wozniak in two and Saunders in three. That is a lot of cameos from comedians to pack into 18 episodes.

This makes it extra funny to me as I listen to the John Robins and Elis James radio shows from that time, and listen to John Robins continually notice the same thing. Before the show started airing he got in some run-of-the-mill jabs about Elis swanning off to be a successful TV actor while John can’t even get verified on Twitter, but after it started airing, the complaints quickly turned to the more specific issue of why they have cast every fucking comedian in Britain in at least one role except for John Robins. A complaint that’s funnier to me because I have seen the show and can confirm that it is true. I even made a whole long post about it at the time, explaining that I’d stopped looking at the show’s IMDB page while watching because I considered IMDB to be a spoiler, since the most fun part of the show was trying to guess which comedian would suddenly turn up next. It did not, at the time, occur to me to wonder what it would be like to watch this as the one comedian in Britain who didn't get a cameo role despite being in a double act with one of the three main actors.

I have enjoyed listening to John Robins get increasingly petty and annoyed about this on the radio, and I was going to cut out some examples, but then I went on YouTube and found that someone else has already done it for me. Has helpfully collated clips of all the chats about the Josh Widdicombe sitcom to happen across several years of radio episodes.

I haven't actually heard everything in this YouTube video yet. I'm currently on episode 120, in mid-2016. I skimmed the video and found that I think the most recent clip I've heard from that video is about halfway through it, when they've just started filming season 2 and John keeps asking if he'll have a cameo in it and Elis tries to deflect with an extended joke about how John can only have a role if he's okay with doing naked fencing, and John plays along for a minute or so before saying, okay, but seriously, have you seen the entire script and do I get a role? And Elis says I have and you don't and then they immediately cut, which is great comic timing on the podcast editor's part. I'm quite pleased that that clip is only halfway through the YouTube video, suggesting that there is plenty more awkward chat along these lines coming up in episodes I haven't heard yet.