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makeste · 4 years ago

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is it too late now to say sorry

anon I agree with almost all of this for the most part, but if you don’t mind I would like to come to Kacchan’s defense here a little bit. while he absolutely does need to apologize to Izuku, there are reasons why he hasn’t done so yet which boil down to a lot more than simply “he’s still a dick.”

anyway, so for my next trick, I will take the thesis statement of “Kacchan is afraid to apologize to Deku for both selfish and unselfish reasons, and Deku doesn’t realize how much he needs to hear the apology because he pays no attention to his own needs”, and somehow transform that into a 3500 word rant lol.

first of all, I’ve said this before, but on the topic of whether or not Katsuki actually needs to apologize to Deku at all, my answer is an emphatic “yes.” is it necessary in order for him to earn Deku’s forgiveness? no. in fact I’m pretty sure Deku has already forgiven him. because that kid doesn’t have a petty bone in his body (not that wanting an apology from your friend who basically turned on you and made your life miserable for ten years and told you to go kill yourself is in any way petty at all), and because he has staunchly held on to what he could of their relationship throughout that entire time, hoping that one day they could somehow be friends again. Kacchan never stopped being “Kacchan” to him. Deku never stopped caring about him. and that goes beyond him simply being a good person; there’s also just an attachment there, for lack of a better word, that he is simply unwilling to give up. their friendship is that important to him. Kacchan is that important to him.

but just because Katsuki is almost guaranteed forgiveness from Izuku doesn’t mean the apology isn’t still owed. putting aside that it’s really the least he could do, I think an apology is also necessary in order for their friendship to ever move past the level it’s currently stuck at, for one simple reason: Izuku doesn’t actually know that Katsuki cares.

more specifically, he doesn’t know that Katsuki actually cares about him. because Katsuki, for various reasons which I’ll get to momentarily, has done such a spectacular job of hiding this fact that he even fooled a lot of us for a very long time. before chapter 284 came along, there was hardly any evidence at all that Katsuki actually cared about Izuku as a person beyond just the requisite, bare minimum level of “well I don’t actually want you to die or anything, because I’m not a complete shithead.”

because he hides it. and he hides it on purpose, which is a mind-blowing revelation I’m still only just starting to wrap my head around. it’s an act. all of his continued hostility toward Izuku since the Endeavor internship arc -- and possibly going even further back than that; possibly going all the way back to their second Ground Beta fight -- has been an act. here he is, continuing to bitch at him at every turn and basically doing everything he can to remind Izuku that They Are Rivals And Nothing More, and he has played that role so perfectly that hardly anyone suspected what was actually going on.

he cares about Izuku. not just subconsciously on a level where he’s in denial about it, but to a fully conscious and aware degree. he’s dedicated himself to helping Izuku as his way of trying to make amends. that’s a decision he consciously made, something he’s given a lot of thought to. he worries about Izuku. he worries about his selflessness and his recklessness and that one day he’ll take it too far and it will go terribly wrong. he worries about One For All and All For One, and about the legacy his friend has inherited that’s so much bigger than him, and which he knows Izuku won’t hesitate to sacrifice himself for if it ever comes to that. he worries. he cares.

and Izuku does not know this. and he deserves to know this. and that’s why the apology is so important. not because it’s a magic sentence that will miraculously restore the ten years of friendship and trust that was lost between them, or heal the ten years of pain and misery that Izuku went through alone and friendless, because nothing can ever restore or heal that. as a gesture, an apology is nice, but it’s also fairly useless, at least on its own. it’s meaningless without action to support it, and rather pales in significance when held up against the LITERAL DECADE of misery that it’s trying to make up for.

but the reason it’s still so, so important in spite of all this is because Izuku doesn’t know that Katsuki cares about him. he doesn’t know that their friendship isn’t just one-sided. he does know that Katsuki is a good person, and that he has a good core beneath his prickly exterior. and he’s more adept than most people at seeing past Katsuki’s outer shell of bullshit and understanding what lies beneath. but he has a blind spot, and that blind spot is himself.

he hasn’t made the connection between “Kacchan is a good person who cares about other people and is trying to do the right thing” to “Kacchan cares about me.” because Kacchan has been diligent in making sure that every time Izuku does start to make that connection, that he shoots it back down and disproves it as vehemently as he can.

which, just to be clear, is actually a huge load of bull, as we now know. huh.

but anyway. the point is that Katsuki is still hiding this part of himself from Izuku. the fact that he actually cares. the fact that their friendship is reciprocated on a level that goes beyond just rivalry and shared secrets and a mutual admiration for All Might. Izuku doesn’t know yet how much Katsuki cares about him, and he deserves to know.

and that’s why the apology is important. not because the words themselves are important, but because he deserves to know that Katsuki is sorry. he deserves to know that Katsuki cares about him. he deserves to know that he’s valued, that Katsuki sees him as someone who has value. he deserves that. and that, more than anything else, is why the apology is needed, and why it’s important for him to actually hear those words. because Katsuki was spot on when he said that Izuku doesn’t see himself in the way that he should, and I think he needs this to help him understand a little better just how much value he actually has.

so that’s part one of my rant! and now we move on to part two, which can basically be summarized as “okay but then WHY has Katsuki not just FUCKING APOLOGIZED TO HIM ALREADY.” because yeah, though. at the end of the day, this is all on him. and he does care, and he is sorry. so then what is still holding him back??

and that... is complicated. and it basically boils down to four things.

1. it’s insufficient.

ten years. all the way back to when they were four years old and Izuku first learned that he didn’t have a quirk. ten years of Katsuki bullying him and distancing himself from him. ten years of pain and isolation and unhappiness that Izuku absolutely did not deserve.

and yes, it ultimately stemmed from a misunderstanding, but that doesn’t make it right in the least. there’s absolutely no justification for it. Katsuki knew that it was wrong and he acted like that nonetheless. and anyone who says that Izuku in any way brought it on himself, that it’s in any way his fault or that he invited it on himself by not leaving Katsuki alone -- you can miss me with that, tbh. he was a child and he was lonely and confused and didn’t understand why his best friend had suddenly turned his back on him. this was the most vulnerable period in his life, and the person who should have had his back ended up being the person who made it even worse for him instead. and even after Izuku grew out of the so-called stalking and actually did mind his own business, and just admired Katsuki from a distance -- that still wasn’t enough to appease Katsuki either. even just the mere mention of Izuku wanting to go to U.A. was enough to set him off worse than ever before. that was absolutely not Izuku’s fault in any way, and I’m positive that even Katsuki himself would agree. Katsuki was terrible. I can’t emphasize enough just how terrible he was.

so yeah. ten years of that. and now Katsuki finally realizes just how awful it was. and he’s sorry! and he regrets it, a lot, and he wants to atone for it.

but now here’s problem number one: when you put it up in comparison to ALL OF THAT, an apology just feels overwhelmingly inadequate. almost laughably so. and Katsuki may be a bit emotionally dense (although perhaps less so than we always thought), but he’s sharp enough to realize this much, at least. it’s almost pathetic to simply try saying “I’m sorry” after all of that, and expect it to mean anything at all. it’s not enough. it’s so much not enough that I imagine he must almost feel helpless just imagining it. the weight of everything he’s done is so much, and an apology isn’t enough to undo any of it. it’s not even close.

Katsuki isn’t someone who backs down from things easily, but the sheer scale of the mistakes he’s trying to grapple with now is enough to give just about anyone pause. how do you even begin to address something like that? how can you even begin to make up for it? and Katsuki isn’t stupid, and I have to imagine that everything he saw during that first week of interning with Endeavor only cemented this for him. an apology simply isn’t enough. not for something like this.

2. it’s unfamiliar.

reason number two! and this one is a bit selfish on his part, yeah. but Katsuki is still just a kid too. and his falling out with Izuku didn’t only have a negative impact on Izuku; it hurt Katsuki as well. he lost that friendship too. he thought Izuku was looking down on him, and I’m certain that hurt him a lot more than he ever let on. if you trust someone and care about them only to have them turn on you like that (even though he got it wrong and it was ultimately all just in his head) -- that hurts. it’s not a coincidence that he became closed off and mean afterwards, and that even now he’s resistant to letting other people get close to him. for all that it was more or less self-inflicted, it still had a huge impact.

but now he’s learned that Izuku was never looking down on him at all and that he had it wrong this whole time. and as a result, he’s gotten this chance now to try and rebuild the childhood friendship that he almost destroyed. and make no mistake, this is something he wants too. it’s not just Izuku who’s grateful to have this chance to have normal interactions with the other again. this is something both of them value, and Katsuki doesn’t want to ruin it this time.

so he’s picking up where he left off! only the thing is, this involves him reverting to a blueprint that hasn’t been updated since the two of them were four years old, lol. “normal” for them is him being a bossy little snot, and Izuku happily shrugging it off with all of his limitless nerdy enthusiasm as they go about their various misadventures together. it’s a script that hasn’t changed since they were children, and one they’re both still more than content to use, but it is an outdated script nonetheless. Katsuki is playing the role that Izuku expects him to play. and it’s not like he’s being dishonest or anything like that, because that’s still him; he’s still his same old short-tempered, argumentative self, and it’s not like his personality has done a complete 180 or anything like that.

but at the same time, there’s a calmer side to him now which he is deliberately keeping hidden from Izuku because it’s off-script for them. it’s unfamiliar ground. with Izuku, he’s always been this Kacchan:

and again, it’s not like he isn’t actually that person, especially when it comes to his old rival. but at the same time, there’s another side to him that he rarely if ever lets Izuku in particular see. Izuku never sees the quiet Kacchan who avoids other people’s eyes while he fiddles with his water bottle and calmly asks questions about the OFA successors. Izuku never sees the insightful Kacchan who opens up about his own regrets and weaknesses. there’s a level of emotional intimacy, for lack of a better term, that Katsuki has been unwilling to let them cross into. and if I had to guess why, my guess would be that it’s because Katsuki is afraid that changing up the formula now will lead to unfamiliar territory which may or may not end up completely upending their relationship just as it’s starting to grow into something actually solid again.

which brings me to reason #3!

3. he’s afraid.

Katsuki already experienced what it was like to fall out with Izuku. and again, for all that he was the cause of it, and that Izuku had it much, much worse, that doesn’t change the fact that it was a pretty terrible experience for him as well.

and look, we know Katsuki is afraid of losing Izuku. that’s confirmed canon now. he actually admitted that he was worried about Izuku, and that Izuku’s tendency to recklessly disregard his own wellbeing unsettled him and made him want to keep his distance. and he sacrificed himself to save Izuku’s life!! and did it automatically, unthinkingly, because the decision-making on his part was so fast it didn’t even register. that’s how much he cares. enough that his desire to protect Izuku now ranks higher than his own self-preservation.

and when something is that important to you, you will fight not to lose it. and Katsuki does not want to lose this. Izuku is important to him. by extension that means their friendship is important to him. and he wants to preserve that.

and the thing is, the apology is an obstacle to that. and he knows it. he knows he has to face it at some point, because he can’t atone without it. he has to take responsibility for what he did. he can’t keep running away from it forever.

but he also knows the potential consequences. he knows that apologies don’t always end in reconciliation. he knows falling-outs don’t always have a happy ending. he knows that forgiveness isn’t automatic, and that years of pain don’t just disappear just like that. and he recently got to see firsthand one possible way how it might all turn out.

he knows Izuku doesn’t have to forgive him. he knows Izuku might not forgive him. and he knows that he probably doesn’t deserve Izuku’s forgiveness, and that ultimately he does not have a say in the matter one way or the other. it’s Izuku’s choice, at the end of the day, and whatever he chooses Katsuki is going to have to accept it.

but you can know all of that, and accept the fact that you’re going to have to take responsibility, and yet still be afraid to face it. and yes, maybe it’s selfish of him to feel that way. but that selfishness is also human. it’s human to fear rejection, and it’s human to go through the various stages of trying to postpone having to face that. Katsuki is a brave kid, but he is just a kid, still. and this is going to be very hard for him to do. that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still have to be done. but I feel for him and I have a lot of empathy for the situation he’s currently in.

and there is also one last reason why I think he’s putting it off as well, and it just so happens that this reason actually isn’t selfish at all.

4. he doesn’t want false forgiveness.

and this one is ironically kind of at odds with reason #3! Katsuki fears the possibility of Izuku not forgiving him... but at the same time, I think that strangely enough, there’s also a part of him that fears being forgiven, just like that. easily and gladly and unconditionally, with the trademark selflessness that defines so many of Izuku’s other decisions.

“he just... deep down, he doesn’t take himself into account, y’know?”

Izuku rarely if ever takes himself into consideration, and Katsuki knows this. he’s selfless to a fault, and Katsuki knows this. and so if Katsuki were to come up to him and apologize, there’s the possibility that yes, Izuku might decide not forgive him. he might in fact be all “nah, you know what, fuck you,” as would certainly be within his rights.

but this is a very remote possibility, and we all know it. and Katsuki knows it too, I think. because that’s not who Izuku is. he puts other people’s welfare above his own, every time. and so if Katsuki were to break down and tell Izuku that he was sorry, and if he were to ask him for forgiveness, nine times out of ten that is something that Izuku grants instantly. this is the same kid who put his own life at risk to try and save Katsuki less than an hour after Katsuki told him to dive off a roof. Izuku’s instinct is to protect and save. and so if he sees that Katsuki is hurting; if he sees that Katsuki feels guilty for what he’s done and that it’s eating away at him in much the same way as when he was blaming himself for Kamino -- he is going to do what he always does. he is going to try and save him.

and he would do that even if it meant shoving down his own pain. he absolutely would. he would prioritize Katsuki’s feelings over his own. and if he did still feel any lingering resentment at how cruelly he was treated, he would still put it aside if need be. and he would forgive him.

in other words, the risk exists that Izuku might grant Katsuki forgiveness that he doesn’t actually feel. if Katsuki is granted Izuku’s forgiveness, he doesn’t have any way to actually tell for sure if it’s real. there would be that element of doubt there, that question of whether or not it’s really sincere. and something like that could ultimately poison their relationship, if things were allowed to play out that way. it would prevent them from being fully able to trust each other. ultimately, it might lead to them drifting apart again, and something like that might ultimately be even more painful than Izuku rejecting Katsuki’s apology outright. and there’s also an argument to be made that Izuku doesn’t deserve to be put on the spot like that, and forced to make that decision one way or the other when he might not be ready to yet. so there’s that to consider as well.

so yeah. four reasons why Katsuki has not apologized to Izuku yet. and they are good reasons, in my book. complicated reasons, too. but none of that changes the fact that at the end of the day this is still something he has to do. his current way of trying to atone through action is great, don’t get me wrong! and it’s necessary too for sure, because like I said, the apology just on its own is never going to be enough. he needs to commit to doing the right thing, and trying his best to make it right between them from here on out. and saving his life is certainly a decent start! but you still gotta say the words too eventually bro.

but there is just a ton of stuff at play here and I find it all fascinating tbh. they are just so, so bad at communicating with each other. and the thing is, they both actually want the same thing! but they want it so badly that ironically it’s almost holding them back right now, because they don’t want to put it at risk. but ultimately this is a leap of faith that Katsuki in particular is going to have to take sooner rather than later in order to finally restore that last bit of trust between the two of them.

so yeah. just two stupid teenage boys who fail at emotions, and who are probably overdue for another of their famous Get It All Out In The Open stupid shounen therapy battles lmao. round 3, featuring Deku’s new robot arms vs Katsuki and his shiny new “like father like son” All Might torso scar. sob.

#bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bakudeku #bakugou meta #deku meta #bnha meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #asks #anon asks

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itsthemoofacewriting · 3 years ago

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Take them, they’re yours

For Ray, the person who is very quickly becoming my partner in crime for all things SaNami related. We did a trade; I wrote this for them, and in return she drew this masterpiece from a scene in ‘amongst the trees’.

I also have to thank them their endless patience as I wrote this and teased them as the word count steadily went up and up. I’m so sorry this took so long.

Let’s play a game (points for those that thought of Saw), there’s a line in here that inspired my very rude SaNami piece I posted recently, can you find the line?

So, it’s been shown time and time again that Sanji has good kenbunshoku haki but not the full extent of it, so please excuse some of the artistic liberties I took.

Summary: If it was between his hands or Nami, it would be Nami, every time, without question. Every. Damn. Time. Rating: T

You can also find this on AO3 and FFN.

Enjoy!

It’d all gone so wrong so quickly.

“There he is! Vinsmoke!”

Instantly Sanji felt his mood flip like a switch, from content to enraged at the use of that name.

It’d been a wonderful day. Nami had agreed to come shopping with him and Chopper. Although he had a feeling Chopper had something to do with that more than him, but that was fine- he’d soak up any attention she gave him. They’d been shopping to do all the chores, such as food shopping and medical supplies, as well as some personal shopping for her. When they’d dropped everything back at the ship, Sanji had taken the bold step to suggest extending their trip out and invited them both to a café and, much to his relief, Nami had accepted.

But all of that came crashing to a halt as one man turned into two and then three, more and more men appearing from behind trees and shrubbery, creating a circle around them.

His eyes zeroed in on the guns some of them were equipped with.

“What the hell did you call me, shithead?” His voice threatening and all attention turned to him as he took a small step forward in front of Nami, Chopper the other side of her doing the same.

As he looked over the large group, he wondered how long they’d been following them and how they’d managed to go undetected.

It was their first day here and Luffy hadn’t even made a ruckus yet, so it was strange how they knew where they were but as he eyed his surroundings, from the large group to their location it started to make sense.

There was only three of them, him, Nami and Chopper, in a tight secluded spot, far away from their ship or the rest of the crew.

This wasn’t by chance.

This was planned.

It was an ambush.

And Sanji had let it happen. Something that could’ve been prevented, quite easily, if he’d been paying attention to his surroundings, instead of the gorgeous woman behind him.

His question was ignored as, what he presumed was the leader, took a step forward and called out, “Take him alive, we can get more money for him that way.”

They weren’t marines or CP9, they didn’t care if he was dead or alive. It looked like they bounty hunters and he knew what they were thinking; he was a prince; he came from wealth and power. Something these people would be able to attain through him.

But they clearly didn’t know anything. Didn’t know that his family would happily see him die before handing over money or technology for his life and it was why he hated that poster so much. There were assumptions that came with his birthname and no matter how notorious he became in his own right he’d never be able to escape them.

“Take the woman too,” one of them added.

And that very title had dragged Nami into his mess.

Again.

“Chopper, take Nami back to the ship.” He wasn’t sure if Chopper was depressed at being overlooked, he was too busy staring the leader down.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you,” Nami said firmly, tone suggesting there was no room for discussion.

He wondered if she was thinking about Capone’s back on Zou. She hadn’t wanted to leave him then either, but she hadn’t had a choice back then. Now she had a choice, and from her rigid posture and frown, it was clear she wouldn’t be moving. The irony was that they only needed Brook and it’d be a reunion.

“Call the others, we found them!”

At least they weren’t being taken lightly, but that still wasn’t good. It was hard to believe there were even more of them considering the size of the group already.

“Chopper, go to the ship, get whoever’s on board.” The words felt bitter coming from his mouth, but it was no secret they were vastly outnumbered and if they managed to get their grubby hands on Nami, he’d have no choice but to surrender instantly.

Chopper looked like he wanted to argue, stand his ground just like Nami had, but he must’ve done the math; knew they’d come out of this better if there were more of them.

“I’ll be back!” He called, changing into his walking point and sprung between the men with ease, dodging their attempts to stop him.

They didn’t follow after him though, so at least that was one less person to worry about.

“Nami-san, do you have your climatact?” They were back-to-back now, and he chanced a glance over his shoulder to look at her, she looked fierce and determined.

“Of course.” Her hand disappeared down the front of her dress and he quickly averted his gaze because he really didn’t need that sort of distraction right now. He had to be on his game, because as much as he trusted Nami’s strength, he was still responsible for her.

A tension settled over the tiny clearing with both parties hesitant to make the first move, sizing up the other with a critical gaze. It finally shattered when a branch in the woods snapped, and it had the effect of a gunshot through the quiet clearing.

They’d been outnumbered plenty of times before, so they sprung into action just like they had in the past.

A glance over at Nami as he spun to kick someone in the face, and she was more than holding her own. It was a hard trying not to become distracted by her as they fought. She moved with such grace, body in total coordination whilst she twirled the baton between her hands, timing meticulous as the climatact extended and retracted to do the most damage.

But ultimately that was the issue.

Whilst they may have done this in the past, they did it under very different circumstances. They weren’t contained in such a tight space, with only the two of them and the opposition desperate to get one of them to the floor as they were now.

They could only keep them at bay, push them away before someone else was on them trying to pin them down.

There was too many of them to be able to fully take them down without the risk of being overwhelmed.

A quick scan told him they needed to do crowd control and do it now. He couldn’t take off into the air like he normally would, it’d leave Nami on the ground by herself and a flurry of kicks would be reckless in a tight space. If he hit her, even by accident, he’d never be able to forgive himself.

There was no thought process as he flipped into a handstand, moving away from Nami, and spinning on his hands. He ignored the grit and sharp pieces from the floor digging into his hands and instead focused on the people before him. They’d be up after a while, the move not doing enough damage to keep them down, but it’d be enough to buy him and Nami time and stop them being swamped.

Ultimately, his only goal was keeping her safe and their grubby hands off of her.

And it seemed her goal was similar to his. He knew it wasn’t for the same reason as his, but it made him feel warm at least that she cared for him that much.

With their similar goals, they were doing well at containment, even as Sanji moved slightly further away hoping to do a bit more damage without the risk of hitting her.

But all of that came abruptly crashing down.

In the heat of battle, his haki was better, he could sense the people around him and just about anticipate their moves, which was handy, and it guided him on where he needed to be. Right now though, it was heavily focused on Nami so he could get a feel for how she was doing without having to take his eyes off his opponents. She was focused and slightly anxious, but that was to be expected and he couldn’t sense any panic, so he trusted she was alright.

However, the feeling that came next had ice settling over his heart. Someone close reeked of ill intentions, repugnant thoughts almost brimming over, and that was saying something considering the group were all bounty hunters. But this was different from the rest of them, this individual was backhanded, immoral, a mixture of utter glee and vile motive.

It was that combination he didn’t like.

For the first time since developing his haki, he could make out a shadowy outline and it was over as quickly as it came on but there was no forgetting it, it was like he’d had a front row seat to a horror show. It’d been a shadow of a woman being shot from behind, her figure falling in slow motion to a heaped pile on the floor.

Despite it just being a shadow, there was no mistaking it, the woman from his vision was Nami. He’d know her presence anywhere.

It made him feel sick, but he didn’t linger on the image, instead he sent a forceful kick to the man in front of him and did a U-turn, charging towards her before he could think about what he was doing.

The voice in the back of his mind was chanting that he would be too late, be too slow and would be picking her body up from the floor before he could do anything. The people around him were forgotten in his single-minded devotion to get to her, shoving them out the way as he pushed any doubt out of his mind.

By hook or by crook, he would get there in time.

It wasn’t the heroic, princely move that he wanted or ever envisioned doing, but desperate times called for desperate measures as he hurled himself at her, outstretched arms curling around her and knocking her off her feet. The distinct sound of a gun firing went off as they started to fall to the floor, but it was okay, because he’d made it in time.

He spun them just in time that he ended up taking the brunt and they skidded on the ground, Nami clutched to him. His arm hurt and his back burned, his jacket no doubt shredded but the woman scrambling to get off of him was all worth it.

She was out of his arms and at his side, looking down at him with a frown. “Sanji, what are you- are you bleeding?!”

Her frown was gone, in place panic and when he looked down, he was greeted with a bloody arm. It twinged when he moved it but from what he could see, it was a graze.

It at least explained why his arm hurt.

Luckily the chaos bought them some time as the bounty hunters argued amongst themselves about the use of the gun that almost damaged their pay-check.

Just a shame it wasn’t all of them that were distracted.

He pushed up on that arm, ignoring the pain that flared from the wound in distress, and kicked one of the men that got too close to Nami. He shucked off his ruined jacket and threw it at another group starting to get too close and it gave him and Nami the time to get back on their feet.

But it wasn’t working like it was before, no matter how much they both pushed back, it felt like all of a sudden, the tables had turned. Where they’d been holding them back before they were now overwhelmed, barely keeping up with the punches. The distance they’d been able to establish was gone as the men crowded in and it was relentless.

He was being reckless, he knew he was, as he threw himself around with very little regard for himself, but he’d be damned if what he saw came to life. He didn’t care what happened to himself and at the end of the day, what was a scratch or bruised rib if it meant a healthy Nami.

His recklessness soon cost him when he fell to the floor a second time, but not of his own free will this time. Someone had taken him by surprise with the end of their gun and as his brain rattled, he knew that hit held the intention of trying to knock him out.

His head throbbed at him, almost begging him to stay down, but if he went down, it would only be Nami left, and he couldn’t leave her. With that thought in mind, he swept out his leg, knocking the other man to the floor before he could get in a hit that actually did finish him. He fought through the way his vision blurred and how the world wouldn’t stop moving as he stood to his feet.

“Sanji-kun! Are you okay?” She grunted; voice strained as she pushed someone back with her climatact and swung it around to hit someone else, unable to spare a moment to really look at him.

Nami was doing the best she could to cover him whilst he recovered but the group were getting frustrated by him and Nami’s resilience, it was clear as day in the way their moves were turning desperate and more vicious by the second. The earlier words of taking him alive seemed to be slipping from their minds, which worried him because so far, their gun use has been severely limited but if that changed…

“As long as you are, I am,” he replied, getting to his feet and at this point it was pure adrenaline keeping him up.

“Then think about what you’re doing!” She barked, smacking someone around the head.

From there on, the fighting had shifted. It’d turned into a free for all and Sanji silently willed Chopper to reappear because he was aware of the ticking clock working against them now. If the rest of the bounty hunters group showed up, they’d be done for.

Now, Sanji knew the score amongst the seas, he knew pirates, marines, bounty hunters had no honour, it wasn’t something to be expected from others, regardless how he felt about it.

But when he caught a flash of silver glinting at him from the corner of his eye, he felt his blood heat. If he thought he was angry before this, it was nothing compared to the man raising his knife on an unsuspecting Nami and he was flipping onto his hands to get in between them.

It was his sloppiness that put himself in this position. A position where he hadn’t been quick enough to position himself and in a last-ditch attempt, he found himself catching the man’s arms before he could bring the knife down on Nami’s back.

For the first time since Enies Lobby, he’d been forced to fight with his hands.

He’d dealt with enough squirming ingredients in his lifetime to have a firm grip, but the last thing he’d expected was for the man’s arms to slip straight through his hands like butter, along with the knife.

He hissed and recoiled in pain as he felt it slowly slice through the skin, his hand throbbing at him. It felt like it’d happened in slow motion, and he didn’t need to look down to know it was bleeding- he could feel it.

He hadn’t for one second expected a devil fruit and that was on him.

The man smirked nastily, proud of getting the better of him and what he wouldn’t do to plant his foot in the man’s face, but Nami’s voice behind interrupted, “Sanji, duck.”

He did so without hesitation, dropping to the ground and watched as Nami’s climatact stabbed the man in the face before twirling it between her hands to knock down anyone close enough.

He felt proud watching the damage she did until she turned her gaze on him and that vanished because of the look on her face. For the first time, he couldn’t read it. She looked pale and for a split second he was worried she was hurt until he watched her eyes flick from his face to focus on his hands.

He’d only caught a quick look at his hands but that was bad enough.

He flipped onto his hands, burying his bloodied palm into the dirt, to kick the man trying to sneak up behind Nami. If he thought his arm hurt, it was nothing compared to the heat flaring angrily from his palm. Grit burying itself in all the cuts on his palms, large or small, but he ignored that in favour of flipping and throwing himself back into the fray.

He couldn’t let up for even a second.

Although he didn’t want to entertain the thought, he was tired, and he wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to last. Everything was working against him, his head still throbbed, his arm and hands both competing for which would burn stronger, and he couldn’t remember how it happened, but his ribs had begun to protest.

But he wouldn’t give until Nami was safe, that was why he wouldn’t entertain any thoughts of stopping. He couldn’t and wouldn’t until he could ensure her safety and that’s what kept him going.

It could have been a minute or an hour but the distant sound of ‘oni giri’ had relief flooding through him, for once happy to hear Marimo’s voice and his body gave up, right then and there. He slumped to the floor against his will; he was tired, his head was killing him, and his hands burned. From the cut to the dirt in the cut and everything in-between that’d made itself at home in the skin of his palms.

“Sanji-kun!” Nami’s distressed voice called out to him.

The last thing he saw was the stunning, unharmed, face of Nami, crouched over him, calling his name.

That was a good way to go down, in his opinion.

“Sanji!”

His head throbbed as he came to, and he groaned when he touched his forehead. Everything hurt. His head, hand, and arm. His hands. He tried to sit up, but his ribs protested, and he mentally added his body to the list.

An ambush. Just him and Nami. Someone trying to shoot her.

It all came flooding back and headache be damned, he opened his eyes to scan his surroundings. He instantly recognised Chopper’s medical room, so he could relax a bit but then his eyes caught the flash of orange beside him.

Nami.

She was facing away from him but from what he could glean she looked okay, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

The movement caught her attention and she turned to face him. She still looked fine, but he had to ask, “Are you hurt?”

“You’re seriously asking me that right now?” Her voice filled with disbelief.

He didn’t respond, continuing to stare up at her, waiting for her answer.

She shook her head. “I’m fine. How are you feeling?”

“As long as you’re fine, then I’m fine,” he parroted his earlier words, and it was true. The ache in his head worth it all to see her well. She didn’t look like she believed him and snorted, turning back around to grab more things.

As happy as he was that she was there, he’d been expecting Chopper flitting around him instead. “Where’s Chopper?”

“He’s dealing with the other idiots,” she said, sitting on the chair next to the bed.

“Chopper checked you over before going. You’ve got a minor concussion, we haven’t scrambled your brain yet.” Her lips curved up and she added, “Well, no more than normal.”

“Being around you scrambles my brain.”

“Which is normal,” she teased, grinning at him.

He laughed lightly but his ribs still protested angrily. He didn’t manage to smother the grimace in time and the smile slipped off her face as she turned to the side, gathering the supplies she’d need.

“We can deal with that later,” he said frowning, slowly sitting up and building momentum to get off the bed. “They put themselves out, the least I can do is make sure they’re fed.”

“You’re not leaving this bed!” Nami snapped, hand on his shoulder pushing him down.

He’d wanted to hear that from her mouth for as long as he’d known her, and he’d store that sentence away for later, but it was hard to be happy about it when her words were paired with the firm set of her mouth and furrowed eyebrows.

She was upset.

He’d upset her.

He laid back without any further resistance and the stiffness from her shoulders relaxed. He didn’t say anything else as she sat down on the chair next to the bed, her hands reaching for his.

“I haven’t seen you spin on your hands in ages,” Nami said, her thumb brushing over the pulse at his wrist to avoid any of the small injuries to his hand. “I can see why now.”

There were two bowels on the bed, and it wasn’t rocket science to realise what they were for. One was filled with water and the other empty bar a pair of tweezers.

She moved one of the bowels closer to them and cupped his hands. “Deep breath,” she told him and then dunked his hands into the bowel filled with water.

It stung, the water working its way into all of the cuts, but he didn’t complain. He wouldn’t, because she was safe, and this was the most she’d ever touched him, and it was so gentle. She held his hands in the water a second longer before lifting them out and onto a towel.

The, now murky, water filled bowel was moved onto the bedside table and the other bowel moved closer. She picked up the pair of tweezers with one hand and cupped one of his hands with the other. Her touch was delicate, and his hand went limp under her touch, letting her move it into the position she wanted.

With his palm facing the ceiling, she worked on getting all the various pieces lodged into his skin out. She was clinical in her movements, methodical as she moved over the skin, but she was gentle about it. She tried her best to do so without having to dig, but some of it was unavoidable.

For all her professionalism, once she’d pried a piece out the thumb from her free hand would rub a little circle into the side of his hand. He wasn’t sure if she was soothing herself or him, but it made him smile and goosebumps erupted over his arms.

With Nami focused on his hands, he had the luxury of looking over her face. Her face the picture of concentration, from the pinched lips to her furrowed eyebrows. Beneath the focus, she looked tired, but there wasn’t a single scratch on her face, and he was proud of that. Come tomorrow, she’d be back to her smiling self.

She moved onto the second hand, placing the first down onto the towel, and although she’d been doing it a while now, she was still just as doting and attentive to the other hand.

Brown eyes met his, finally acknowledging his staring and her hands stilled their work. “What?”

“My own personal nurse,” he joked, hoping to make her smile.

“Don’t imagine me as a nurse! We don’t need to add blood loss to the list of problems!” She scolded, lips pulling slightly at his antics but not what he’d been aiming for as they lapsed back into silence, and she continued with his other hand.

He hadn’t let himself look down at his hands before now, mainly because he didn’t need the distraction at the time but because it wouldn’t really make a difference how they looked. They looked like they’d been through the ringer though. Far worse than when he’d first learned to cook, where his fingers had been constantly burned or cuts had littered his fingers and palms from inexperience. Stains of dirt still remained in patches where it had resisted the first wash, and it clung to all the little openings from where anything sharp had been buried. All those openings were angry and red, some bleeding a little from where they’d been pulled about to get the bits of debris out.

Then there was the large cut spanning his left palm.

If the small cuts were angry, then that was furious, from the raw skin to the dried blood on his skin that would need a few more persuasive washes before coming out clean. It was long and deep, but he didn’t dare flex his hand to see just how deep it went into his palm. Thankfully it’d stopped bleeding but, in its place, it oozed instead.

That wouldn’t heal quickly.

But as he looked at his hands, he didn’t feel any strong emotion. He felt neutral. He wasn’t happy of course, but there wasn’t an ounce of regret. He’d do it again a million times over just to see Nami unharmed.

And he realised right then, if it was between his hands or Nami, it would be her every time. No questions asked, no hesitation.

It felt like it should be a huge earth-shattering moment, where the axis suddenly shifted, and all the pieces aligned into a moment of pure epiphany, because he’d said all his life how important and sacred his hands were. Yet it felt very matter of fact, like it just made sense and had never been any different. Sanji supposed, it never had been any different. Not for a long time at least.

“Look at your hands,” Nami mourned, face drawn and thumb focusing on cautiously tracing alongside the wound.

She’d said it so quietly he wondered if it was meant to be said to herself only. She was beautiful no matter what, but he hated that look on her face and he hated that he was the cause of it.

His uncut hand lightly gripped her hand. “I’d do it again.” He would, in a heartbeat. His gut flaring the exact same way it had just this morning.

“Don’t.” She looked at him sharply. “I don’t want you to.”

He knew what she wanted him to say, what she expected him to say because she’d known him for so long. But on this occasion-

“No.”

He’d never refused her before in all the time of knowing her. He’d always catered to her whims or discussed anything they’d disagreed on, coming to a mutual agreement before moving on. He’d never refused her so outright, so firmly and he would not budge on it. He refused to.

But as adamant as he felt about it, she looked just as equally defiant based on the tight expression she was giving him.

“Look at your hands,” she said sternly and held his hands up as if he’d see them clearer that way, “These are your dreams, your life, your everything. Don’t expect me to sit here and agree as you recklessly throw it away.”

Although he wasn’t shocked about his new revelation regarding his hands, it was still a revelation all the same and he found himself disagreeing with what she’d said. She was worth it all, it wasn’t reckless when it concerned her.

The next thought was at the tip of his tongue, threatening to bubble over past his lips but he hesitated. He knew what he was about to say would spook her, make her skittish and knew that his feelings for her weren’t returned- and that was okay, he just wanted to be around her, in whatever way he could.

Ultimately, he threw caution to the wind because when did he ever not give his all to everything he did?

“A life without you in it isn’t worth living.” And he meant it, with every fibre of his being. It’d be hollow without her smile, her laugh, her everything, brightening up his day. His dream of all blue was grey without the smart, caring and sassy navigator at his side, regardless of whether she returned his feelings.

“You’re being dramatic.” She didn’t sound sure; she didn’t look sure. He’d surprised her, he realised after a second, with such a sweeping statement. And it was warring with her anger over his refusal just seconds before.

“I’m not,” he said firmly, trying to get the message across.

“Don’t pretend you wouldn’t do it for anyone else in this crew.” She was deflecting.

She had him there though. The same gut instinct flared up. “You’re right.”

But the feeling was different. They were his family; he’d do anything for them but her. Her. Nami. The sun rose and set with her. She was the first thing he thought about and the last at the end of the day. Her happiness was his happiness.

“But it’s different with you,” he continued, adamant.

This was the last thing he’d expected when he’d woken up and perhaps now wasn’t the best time to be doing this. He still had a concussion, and they were currently mid disagreement (he wouldn’t call it an argument) but he didn’t want the moment to pass. He didn’t want to try again later, to try and regain the moment they were currently in.

“Don’t change the subject.” She wouldn’t make eye contact, but she was still holding his hands.

“I’m not, it’s all relevant,” he insisted, and it was. He needed her to see that. This wasn’t something he just did on a whim.

It was silent as they stared each other down, willing the other to give. Well, Nami was actually glaring at him, which he could understand but he wasn’t giving in on this. He just couldn’t, it went against everything he felt so strongly about, but it still made his stomach twist uncomfortably.

The door to the med bay creaked open, breaking the stalemate as Chopper poked his head through. He hesitated at the door when he picked up on the odd tension. Sanji was just about to ask for ten more minutes because they were nowhere near done but Nami stood, his hands falling from her grasp onto the bed.

“Nami-san,” Sanji called after her, a battered hand feebly stretched out.

“He’s all yours,” she said to Chopper as she passed him.

She didn’t look back as she left, the door closing behind her.

Nami wasn’t speaking to him.

She was also actively avoiding him since the med bay and that had been yesterday. He wasn’t sure if it was because of their disagreement (not argument) or because in a roundabout way he’d confessed and made her uncomfortable.

He may regret the timing of the confession, no matter how right it had felt, but he didn’t regret their disagreement, not then and not now, even as Nami quickly left the kitchen without looking at him.

It stung a bit though.

Her reaction confused him though, he was expected to be yelled at or hit instead of silence, but he’d give her the space she clearly wanted for the rest of the day and then smooth it over tomorrow. Who knows, maybe he’d get that reaction tomorrow. He just hated the tension between them and the confused looks he kept receiving from the rest of the crew.

For now, he was looking down at a bowel of hot water and a pile of dishes that needed washing up. Chopper hadn’t mentioned about getting his stiches wet, but he figured he could always get the dressing covering his stiches wrapped again afterwards. Someone else in the crew would do the dishes, he knew that, but they’d already bailed him out once and the stiches would be in for at least a week, he should be able to do this himself. Dinner hadn’t been too bad, the hand with stitches twinged slightly and his arm where a bullet had skimmed had protested when he lifted it above his head, but he was no whiner.

So he cracked on, picking up the first plate and sponge to wash it with.

“Put down the plate,” a steely voice said from behind him.

Nami stood in the doorway, a vision of loveliness as she glowered at him with her hands on her hips.

She strode in, pushing the door closed behind her. “I saw everyone come out of the kitchen and I knew what you were doing, you big idiot.”

She snatched the towel of his shoulder and threw it onto the counter next to them when she reached him, eyes fiery and although he was taller than her, he’d never felt smaller in front of her.

Shit, he wasn’t ready for this, he thought as his palms started to sweat. Sure, he’d planned on talking to her tomorrow, but that was tomorrow, he would have had time to think it through before then.

“Did you mean it?” She asked, her tone neutral now and that only made him feel more on edge, that any wrong answer would have him toppling off the deep end.

He didn’t know what part of their conversation yesterday she was referring to, but there was no part he’d take back, even if it did make her angrier.

“Every word,” he said with surety, jaw set and staring into her eyes, trying to match his words so she understood.

She sighed deeply and he was bracing himself because that couldn’t be good.

“I’m still upset about this.” Her fingers tentatively grazed his bandaged hand and if they didn’t break plates as quickly as he knew they did, he would have dropped it then and there just to take her hand.

Instead, he put the plate down on the side, resting the sponge on top and he was going to gather her in his arms to hug her because he hated that he’d upset her, but she took his hands, stopping him in his tracks.

It was quiet as she looked down at his hands, palms facing upward so his cuts and bandage was on full display. It was a much better sight than yesterday; the rawness had faded, and the gruesome display of his wound hidden behind white cloth.

He was jarred from his observations when she let go of one of his hands and instead used it to trace along the bandage, fingers light as it travelled along his hand, retracing the length of the cut and although it may be hidden by a bandage, it might as well have not been by how accurately her fingers moved along it.

“I’m angry that you’d throw this all away,” she said lightly, voice even and it didn’t match her words. Her fingers stopped their journey to cup his hand as if to make her point and he didn’t need her to explain what she meant.

He didn’t want to argue but the way he felt still hadn’t changed. “Nami-”

“I’m not finished talking!” She snapped and his mouth shut without another word.

“I’m angry that you don’t trust me.”

Oh God, no. That was never what this was about, and he hadn’t even contemplated how she might think that. He didn’t care whether she was done talking or not, he was ready to shut that down but then her next words stole the breath from his lungs.

“But mostly, I’m angry that after all this time you don’t value yourself. Everything we’ve been through, and you still throw yourself in as if it means nothing.” Her eyes seared into his and like a coward he turned to the floor, unable to bear the brunt of that look.

His previous life might be well behind him now, but he couldn’t just switch off all the things that’d been said to him in his youth. It made it hard to believe that someone could care about him, care about his life to that extent. But it wasn’t an excuse; he knew that, and he knew the people on this ship felt very differently about him but that didn’t stop the thoughts in his head sometimes.

Another reason came to mind, but it made his chest constrict painfully, like he couldn’t breathe, and he always desperately tried not to think about it for too long for that very reason. It was the death of his mother. It hurt, it ached, and it haunted him in the quiet moments when it was just him and his memories. How he’d been helpless, unable to do anything as he lost her, and he wouldn’t see it happen again. Didn’t want to see it happen again, not if he could help it. The thought of losing someone precious whilst he lived on would be unbearable to live through again.

Both tied so deeply into one another, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to pry them apart and let them go.

She gripped his hand, trying to get his attention from his thoughts and staring match with the floor but the best he could do was look at their joined hands.

“I don’t want to lose you,” she said it softly, but it was so loud in the quiet kitchen.

“And I don’t want to lose you,” he said earnestly, his free hand coming to rest on top of hers, to feel the warmth on her skin because his chest tightened at the thought of her not being around.

She considered him for a second and he wondered if this was the start of another disagreement before she delivered, “The way you feel about me getting hurt, why do you think it’s any different when it’s you?”

The way he felt about her…

Oh.

And just like that, the tables had turned. He looked at her face, scanning, searching for the answer to a question he hadn’t yet verbalised whereas she wouldn’t look at him, resolutely looking down at their joined hands.

Her bashfulness gave him the courage to ask.

“You mean…?”

He was met with silence but that didn’t dishearten him, his heart felt as if it was going to burst through his chest at any moment, as hope foolishly blossomed in his lungs because surely, she didn’t feel the exact same way as he did. Surely not. Not for him.

“You’re an idiot,” she said, frowning and his heart sunk.

“But I’m the idiot that wants you.”

He’d imagined this moment so many times, played this over and over in his daydreams but it didn’t hold a candle to the actual moment. He was speechless and his heart was doing summersaults from the roll coaster ride it had been on in the last minute. He still wondered if he was asleep, if he would wake up any second to the cruel reality it was in his imagination again.

“I expected more enthusiasm,” Nami said dryly, smirking and she was back to looking him in the eye.

“I just…” ‘didn’t expect it. Ever.’ Is what he wanted to say but she had, and he didn’t want to tar the moment with his insecurities. Although someone would need to pinch him later.

“I know you’re not going to give on your recklessness, it’s partially why I was so angry, but just so you know Black Leg Sanji this is a two-way street-” she leaned in, eyes alight with confidence- “and I’ll be fighting just as hard for you.

She wouldn’t need to, he’d make sure he was more than enough for the both of them, but her words made him smile, made him feel delirious and the nasty thoughts at the back of his mind were quiet for once.

But there was something he had to clear up first.

“Nami-san, I’ve never thought you were weak. Never thought you weren’t capable. You’ve proven time and time again you can protect yourself, but if I can prevent you getting hurt, I’m going to.”

She breathed heavily through her nose but smiled softly. “All I ask, is that you at least consider your hands when doing stupid things.”

“I’ll do my best.”

She laughed, short and sharp. “That’s the most I’m going to get from you, so stop messing around and kiss me already.”

He gaped at her like a fool, he’d expected so much more than this, more arguing, more talking, more back and forth. That internal dialogue came to a screeching halt when Nami, bored of his staring, grabbed the lapels of his jacket and brought him into a searing kiss.

Fireworks, sirens, alarms were all going off in his head as he scrambled to catch up, but she was persistent, lips coaxing and hands tightening on the lapels, urging him along. All of those noises faded away into bliss when he reciprocated in kind, seizing the moment he’d waited so long for.

For the first time since it’d been wrapped on his hand, he cursed the bandage that was denying him feeling the soft skin of her arm. That was pushed to the back of his mind when she pulled on his jacket, pressing them closer together and his hands moved to her back to diminish any space left between them. At least his fingers could enjoy the delicate skin of her back exposed from the halter top she wore.

They pulled apart, breathing heavily and he was trying his best to take in her face.

“What a poorly timed confession,” she teased, lips brushing against his as she spoke.

“I know.” He cringed, she deserved so much more than this.

“I expect you to make it up to me.” Her lips curved upward.

“For as long as you’ll let me.”

Her eyes crinkled and the teasing expression was gone, replaced with softness. “Good answer.”

The next kiss was slow, and he was ready for it this time as he put his all into it. Lips caressing, heads tilting to find the right angle and they soon found their rhythm. Daringly he brushed his tongue along the seam of her lips and their tongues brushed when she parted her lips. As much as he liked their first kiss, the second was his favourite as he got to take his time as he tasted her and listened to the little breathy noises she made.

He looked forward to having more favourites with her.

“Seeing as I can’t get my stitches wet, maybe you’ll help me in the shower,” he muttered when they pulled apart briefly.

She leaned up on her toes and he had expected her to kiss him again, she was so close he could almost taste her on his lips when she whispered, “Ask Zoro to wash your back.”

That threw cold water on the mood and the image that popped into his head was enough to make a nasty shiver slither down his spine. “That’s not funny, Nami-san.”

Nami laughed, eyes crinkling and face lighting up at the displeased look on his face and as horrified as he was with her suggestion, it was the look on her face he adored seeing.

“I’m sure something can be arranged,” she said once her giggling had resided.

He leaned down to kiss her again, but she took a step away, swiftly dodging arms that tried to drag her back in. When he went to follow her, his world went black as she threw the tea towel on his head.

“Come on, I’ll wash, you dry.”

Yeah, he regretted nothing. He’d do it a hundred times over again now and in the future, just so he could have this with her.

-----------------------------------

Listen, I just love the way Sanji feels about Nami, and I channelled all of that into this. He adores her, she’s the one for him, he’s her number one cheerleader. I HAVE SO MANY FEELS.

I have a head canon that Sanji stopped doing those kicking handstands because he’d get scratches and splinters in his hands afterwards and that defeated the purpose of fighting with his legs (even if I think they do look super cool!). I’m sure the manga will prove me wrong, but I can’t recall him doing it since pre time skip.

Just in case you didn’t read my other (filth) fic, Ray started a SaNami discord group, it’s a chill place to chat and share your love for this pairing. If you’d like to join, message me on here or Twitter and I’ll send you the link (Please make sure I can message you back!). Feel free to join, the more the merrier!

As always, please excuse any errors.

Thank you to Ray for this lovely trade and to everyone for reading.

#SaNami #SanNami #SaNa #namixsanji #opfanfic #opwriting #One Piece #Nami #Sanji

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navigatrixnarrations · 4 years ago

Text

Prequel: A Matter of Some Urgency

A possible prequel to @whenimaunicorn’s ongoing and amazing Heart of Admiration series, as inspired with conversations with her and a line from Luke Arnold’s Black Sails AU short in The Sunder City Spectacular.

Word count: 1527

Warnings: They’re pirates. They curse a lot.

Charles Vane notices her entrance. It would have been difficult not to. It's not rare to see women in the tavern, but they are typically working there in some capacity. They do not typically wear a pistol at the waist of their rather fitted sea coat, nor walk with the rolling gait of an experienced sailor, nor carry a navigator's backstaff. Her eyes fall on him, and Vane finds his own eyes following the almost arrogant swing of her hips as she approaches his table in an alcove at the rear of the room.

"Captain Vane?" Her voice is slightly husky, educated but not posh, not snooty.

He nods, and she continues. "I'm quartermaster of the Starling. I believe you're expecting me." When DeGroot told Vane that the quartermaster of a recently-arrived crew was seeking a word with him about a matter of some urgency, the bloody man had failed to mention that said quartermaster was a woman, and a damned comely one at that.

She removes the pistol and long knife from her belt and places them on the table in front of him, a sign that she has come in peace. He gestures for her to sit across from him and signals the barmaid to bring her a drink then gives her a hard look from beneath his brow. "What's this about?”

"A certain item of yours has come into my possession. I'm here to return it to you." She hands him a burlap sack containing his black. She had been appalled when a couple of the more rambunctious members of her crew came back to camp having stolen it from the Ranger. It wouldn't do for them, new to Nassau, to start their time here by making an enemy of the most notoriously violent captain on the island.

Vane looks inside the sack, not wanting to remove the flag and thus show anyone in the tavern that it had been stolen. Instead, he runs his hands over its fabric, ensuring that it's no worse for wear than it had been before it was stolen. Having satisfied himself that it hadn't been vandalized and noting that it had been folded with care, he turns that heavy gaze back to her. "What do they call you, quartermaster of the Starling?"

She meets his piercing stare with her own, unflinching. "They probably call me a lot of things when I can't hear them." Furious though he is that anyone had the fucking gall to not only steal from him but steal the very symbol of his hard-earned reputation at that, Vane has to force himself not to smile at her quip. She holds out a graceful, callused hand for a shake. "Hope Wickham."

"Why did your captain send you, Miss Wickham, instead of approaching me himself?"

She frowns, but doesn't rise to the bait. "He didn't send me," she says coolly. "He has no idea any of this happened. I'm meeting with you of my own accord and in my own capacity to try to protect my crew."

Vane takes a long pull on his ale, waiting for her to explain.

“I may be new to Nassau, but I'm by no means new to the account. Captain Fisher and the rest of the crew are used to doing things a certain way, and don't yet understand that Nassau has rather different understandings of acceptable behavior for those under the black than does Tortuga. On Tortuga, this would be seen as a prank by a new crew seeking to position itself and a score easily settled without much bloodshed. Unlike them, I know that is not the way of things here."

Vane narrows his eyes. "How do you know how we do things here?" And how, he wonders, did such a lovely little thing become a pirate in the first place? For her crew to have elected her quartermaster, she must be formidable…

"I apprenticed with Mr. DeGroot. We stay in touch." The corners of her mouth turn up in a wry smile, eyes alight in amusement at the absurdity of the situation. "I realize that he is nobody's first, second, or tenth choice for a tutor in etiquette, but," she gestures broadly, "we live in a world of wonders."

Vane finds himself smiling back at her, ever so slightly, struck as much by her candor and wit as by her appearance. "So you're a trained navigator, then?"

"I am."

Well. This is interesting indeed. But he can't let himself be distracted from the purpose of this meeting. The smile drops from his face, which returns to its customary scowl, and he hunches forward enough to give the impression of looming over her without getting up. "Members of your crew snuck onto my ship, stole my black, and they did it so badly that someone saw them getting away. So let me tell you what happens next.”

Hope doesn't quail from his ferocious growl, from his coiled posture that makes him appear to be a predator about to pounce. She meets his icy glare directly. "Who saw them?"

"My quartermaster and his matelotage." Did she just…did she just ignore his directive, his implied threats?

She tilts her head, considering. "Anyone else?"

Vane grunts and leans back in his chair. "No."

Hope nods to herself. "Can you trust their discretion?"

“With my life." Oh, he sees where she's taking this line of questioning. Barristers would do well to learn from her technique. "You're going to ask who else on my crew knows it was gone."

She shrugs as if to say you caught me. "Well, who else does?"

"Only them." She opens her mouth to speak but he cuts her off. "Regardless, you know I cannot let your crew's insult go unanswered. I’ve a reputation to maintain, a captaincy I do not intend to lose."

"Nor do I expect you to. However, by returning your black undamaged, along with compensation for the," she pauses and bites her lip, considering her next words, "inconvenience you've been put through by this unfortunate breach of propriety, I trust this need not be a killing offense." She takes a bulging coin purse from her coat pocket and pushes it across the table to him.

Vane opens it and quirks a scarred brow at the amount of coin within. "Is this from the Starling's collective savings?"

"No. It's my personal share from our last prize." Earners, then, and sure to be rivals of the Ranger. He had seen Captain Fisher at the warehouse a couple of times, and he couldn't say the man had impressed him. Perhaps their last prize was simply luck. How the fuck had Fisher convinced a woman like Hope -- like Miss Wickham, he mentally corrects himself -- to join his crew? One of the world’s wonders, he supposes.

He places both hands on the table and leans forward abruptly. Hope's large eyes widen slightly, not in alarm, Vane notes with approval, but in assessing the threat. His voice drops to a near-whisper. "My turn to ask the questions. Who else knows that your crew had my black?"

She leans forward as well, close enough that Vane catches the scent of the jasmine oil in her hair. "As far as I know, nobody." Her voice is equally low, matter-of-fact. "My crew hasn't bragged, because they didn't get a chance to parade your colors on the beach. I made certain of that. And they won't now, not after I've relieved them of it. The ones who took your black are young and foolish. I've revoked their shore privileges for the time being, until they can show they won’t be shitheads to other crews if they come into town."

Vane knows something about being young and foolish and making a mistake. Sometimes one's youthful foolishness isn't so easily atoned for, some damages can't be repaired…

"They know you're returning it to me?"

Most people would have been unable to meet his heavy gaze for this long. "Yes. If they don't like it, they can elect a new quartermaster. However, they agreed when I explained my reasoning as to why keeping it would not be in their best interests."

"And DeGroot. Does he know why you asked him to arrange a meeting?

"He didn't ask. I didn't tell." She gives a short laugh, eyes shining with mischief. “I let him think I'm here to ask you for a job, just to irritate him."

It would be so easy to accept her money then wreak bloody havoc in the Starling's camp as a warning, but Vane finds himself reluctant to end the meeting. It was masterful, the way she'd gotten to the core of the issue, convinced him of their common interest, and dissuaded him from violence, and it was brave of her to approach him alone. A man couldn't help admiring her for that. And a trained navigator, to boot -- she'd be an asset to any crew. Perhaps he would have to make her an offer at some point…

He pushes the purse back across the table to Hope. "Keep it. Buy the next round and we'll call it square."

#black sails #black sails imagine #charles vane #charles vane imagine #charles vane x oc #charles vane x ofc

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betweengenesisfrogs · 5 years ago

Text

The Triumph of the Marginalia

Marginalia, n.:

1 : notes or embellishments in the margins (as in a book)

2 : nonessential items

-Troll OED

Is it just me, or is Nepeta and Equius’s arc the most slept-upon piece of brilliance in all of Homestuck?

A brilliance, might I add, that culminates in possibly the most triumphant, fulfilling emotional moment in the entire work:

https://www.homestuck.com/story/7928

*stands back and beholds its majesty while from the background comes the sound of James Roach brutally murdering ska*

No, but actually, I mean this 100% unironically, and by the end of this post, I think you’ll agree with me.

By now, I think we all understand the Act 6 double metaphor: the series of temporal loops and universes that Lord English commands is paralleled with, and in fact totally identical to, the narrative of Homestuck. Our characters’ lives exist within this context. They struggle to escape it, and are defined both by it and by the rejection of it.

Enter Nepeta.

The metaphorical meaning of Nepeta in Homestuck is irrelevance, and that’s why she’s the most relevant character in any discussion.

Nepeta was one of the characters killed off during the Murderstuck arc. Hussie argued that she was perfect for this role. In fact, I believe he said something like “Nepeta is sweet, but if you look up the dictionary definition of ‘expendable character,’ you’ll see a picture of Nepeta playing with a ball of yarn and looking very cute.” She’s an endearing combination of shipper girl and apex predator, but not one of your Vriskas or Terezis in being a driver of the plot. Hussie, it seems, created her just to round out the troll cast. He described one of his purposes in Murderstuck as being to axe some of the less necessary trolls to reduce the scope of his character list.

Except that didn’t really happen, did it?

Like a cat with nine lives, Nepeta just keeps coming back.

Equius is another addition to the troll cast who gets pushed away from the main action. He was a character-writing challenge: how do you make someone who’s gross, uncomfortable, and racist kind of likable anyway? I’d argue Hussie succeeded, in large part because of Equius’s relationship with Nepeta. By the time you finish with Hivebent, you’ll probably have a little fondness for their moraillegiance. And if that doesn’t do it, the conversation that serves as their swansong in Equius: Seek the Highblood will tear your heartstrings to shreds.

Because Equius dies, tragically clownmurdered. There was, at the time, some stink over this from Equius fans. Would he have really let himself be killed so easily? Hussie countered: yes, and it was the most in-character thing he could have done. He died doing what he loved: being asphyxiated erotically and horrifically by a superior. Truly, there could be no more fitting end to his character than that.

And yet.

No sooner did Hussie complete his self-appointed story cleanup challenge than he immediately began to undo his own work. It’s almost as if, in declaring his intention to own those who preferred more characters to narrative economy, he immediately had to own himself??

By the time we get even a little way into Act 6, we’re deep in the dreambubble landscape, meeting dead characters left and right. And who should show up there but Equius and Nepeta? Equius attempting to get it on with a bunch of Aradias, who dump him. And Nepeta, living out her romantic dreams as a representative of a timeline where she got together with Karkat. They both appear as symbols of this deadness, this irrelevance. Except that that brings them back into the story, into the spotlight – the opposite of where they’re supposed to be!

Like many bits of commentary, Hussie continues to incorporate the metaphor Nepeta=Irrelevance into Homestuck. Karkat’s remark on their journey that he would love to meet “FIFTY FUCKING NEPETAS” and embark on “NEPETAQUEST” alludes to formspring remarks to the effect that, no, Homestuck was not going to have much time for the minor characters. Except it clearly did.

Why couldn’t the narrative let the meowrails go? Was it that despite the economy of Murderstuck, something was still incomplete? After all, one of Equius’s charms was that he appeared to be growing into a less repressed, kinder person. In Seek the Highblood, we see him letting his guard down enough to roleplay with Nepeta for a change. Their love for each other: wasn’t that ultimately what could redeem Equius in our eyes? So his dying and thus failing to protect her–isn’t that something that should be addressed?

You could imagine many a Nepeta and Equius fan saying this to Hussie back in 2011.

But Hussie was already saying it to himself.

The duo come roaring back into the story in the Trickster mode arc, mid Act 6, thanks to Gamzee’s ridiculous resurrections. True, Nepeta is still reduced as part of Fefeta, the character formed from killed-off girls who never speaks onscreen. But doesn’t using that fact as a running gag kind of draw our attention to it? Doesn’t the fact that Fefeta talks to Roxy constantly offscreen inform us that once we get outside the frame of the narrative, Nepeta has a rich inner life and countless stories to tell?

And it’s here that Equius gets something he never got in his original “arc:” the chance to apologize to Nepeta. You’d be forgiven for missing it since there’s so much else going on at the time, but he does, while fused with AR. Here’s what you’d miss, though: he’s grown as a person in the afterlife. He’s come to regret that moment of weakness, where his fetish kept him from protecting his moirail. Impossible as it seems, he’s continuing his character arc.

The scene ends with Fefeta exploding (she’s also, after all, dealing with Eridan), but it leaves us with a tantalizing question:

Will Nepeta forgive Equius? Is there even a plausible time and space in that story when she could respond to his words?

Do you see what’s happening here? Instead of being erased, Nepeta and Equius are starting to slip the bounds of the story that killed them. They leap in and out of the frame, half-mythical figures. Marginalized, they write their own stories in the margins. They exist in complete defiance of the original logic of Homestuck.

Lord English is an alt-Author figure, a dark, brutal reflection of narrative control and narrative necessity. His world, in which horrible choices are necessary, in which the alpha timeline is a ticking clock leading inexorably to his manifestation, is one that beats down people not deemed important enough by his narrative. Which makes it identical to the one we’re reading. Throw all the unnecessary characters in the trash. Kill them off, if it suits my purposes. The world doesn’t need Nepeta.

Which is precisely why it does. Because isn’t defying Lord English the entire point? Isn’t it what Homestuck reveals as truly heroic?

What might Nepeta be capable of?

Let’s talk about two other victims of English’s forces of marginalization. Davesprite might be the most quintessential example. He teaches us what the alpha timeline is and how it works, by going back to fix a doomed timeline and submitting to being doomed himself. Except he merges with a bird and avoids that fate. Okay, but he clearly gets killed off fighting Jack in Jade: Enter. Except he comes back and hangs out with Jadesprite. Okay, but he dies in the planetsplode in the Retcon. Nope, he comes back from that, too. Huh. He keeps slipping the fate decreed for him by – who else? Lord English.

But it’s a struggle, clearly. He’s caught up in various cycles of guilt and shame. Over being “not the real Dave.” Over his feeling that he has to be a hero in the sense Bro demanded he be. Hussie describes Davesprite as fitting the “way of the unbroken sword:” his experiences have led him to believe in being strong and capable at the expense of all else, in contrast with the other Dave, whose belief in Bros’ toxic ideas is beginning to slip – the “way of the broken sword.” And where did Bro get his toxic ideas from? At least in part, the whispering voice of the soul of Lord English.

Now we turn to Dirk. Like Dave, Dirk has a marginalized, “less important” splinter self but it’s more of a pressing concern. AR shows Dirk’s darker side: exhibiting manipulative tendencies that human Dirk is trying to move away from. He’s also a copy removed from humanity, who feels an understandable amount of disillusionment about being removed from physical existence and his own identity. But as much as Dirk may splinter, like his dumb anime sword, he never breaks. What this means in the symbolic language of Homestuck is that Dirk lives fully, instinctually, in the way of the sword. He believe in a world of hard choices, masculine heroism, and necessity. Ultimately, this, too, is part of what makes Bro so harmful to Dave. In AR and Davesprite, we have a strange parallel: two splinter selves, both of whom are enmeshed in the logic of LE.

Except AR, unlike Davesprite…kind of is LE.

What is Lord English composed of? Well, there’s Caliborn, the most unrepentant shithead of all time. There’s Gamzee, embodiment of horrifying clownery. And then there’s AR, a version of Dirk even more removed from the person he wants to be.

And…Equius?

Allow me a moment to get really indulgent and take a big puff on my Homestuck scholar’s pipe.

The metaphorical meaning of Equius in Homestuck is: sort of growing out of being a creepy racist.

Or maybe let’s say: the opportunity to do that. We said that Equius was on the verge of being redeemed (even had been, in the eyes of many readers). What does it mean to stick him in with Lord English’s souls? It means two things:

1) Equius is a product of his society, which was shaped by Doc Scratch, aka by Lord English, both of whom are kind of him, but Scratch picks up on his traits especially. This is a recognition of that fact: the part of him that sucks is, itself, Lord English in a dizzying loop.

2) Equius’s story is a tragedy. It is the story of a kid who started to escape his society’s tendencies, but was sucked back in by the evil force behind them.

Although…maybe that’s not the whole story.

Because both Equius and AR aren’t really that bad. AR’s pretty understandable, and by no means beyond the possibility of goodness. And the combination of the two? Honestly, pretty harmless. They counter each other’s worst tendencies by devolving into a weird goofball. In fact, AR even says he wants to do something heroic: to sacrifice himself for something really important. He does, kind of, mustering a last-ditch robohorse assault on Caliborn. But at the same time, this is the substance of his tragedy. A hero whose defeat of a great evil forces him to become the substance of that evil. Which could not be a more fitting summary of how these characters function in their story.

But maybe that’s still not the whole story.

Enter Davepeta.

At first glance, the creation of Davepeta seems like Hussie’s most batshit troll move yet. I feel pretty confident in saying that even those who predicted either of these characters returning didn’t see that one coming. However, a few pages of Davepeta’s presence reveals a fundamental truth:

Davepeta is fucking amazing.

In them, Davesprite’s depressive moods are buoyed up by Nepeta’s upbeat optimism. Nepeta’s reclusive shyness is balanced by Dave’s tendency toward brash banter. Both of them gain confidence from being the new person they are. They quickly let go of ideas inherited from the world that kept them from self-knowledge and happiness. Dave, his toxic masculinity; Nepeta, her fear.

A great point I’ve seen made is how much Jasprose and Davepeta resemble fantasy selves for Rose and Dave: indulgent, technicolor manifestations of people they could be if they let go of inhibitions and limitations. But I think Davepeta is the most unambiguously positive of the two.

The metaphorical meaning of Davepeta in Homestuck?

Growth.

Not giving a fuck about what the world thinks. The world, aka Lord English. Because Lord English could never have predicted that his machinations would also spawn a confident, powerful fusion of two beings he had discarded as totally irrelevant.

They’re also a multicolored non-binary furry, so that’s even more points in the pissing off shitheads column.

They are someone Lord English never conceived of, never could have conceived of, but which lay as potential within his domain all along.

And if Lord English is a reflection of the author, of what Hussie feels one has to destroy or sacrifice, than Davepeta is an indulgence existing in defiance of all that.

And this makes Davepeta the most powerful person of all.

They are the light at the end of the tunnel. They are the person you could be, if you could get past your mental shackles and just grow. It may not be possible to ever get there as a mortal human, may only be for a godlike sprite, but striving to be like them matters, is purpose and fulfilment enough.

And they love ARquius.

Nepeta believed in Equius, believed he could grow, and was growing. So as much as ARquius traps himself in a Lord English loop of his own making – grown, perhaps, out of Dirk’s belief that there should be a loop, that importance is admirable—Davepeta pulls from him, in his last scene, his finest qualities. His love.

Equius asks forgiveness again, and this time, Nepeta’s able to give it. Davepeta easily accepts ARquius’s apology, an apology which never could have existed within the confines of a normal narrative. A reconciliation that both of them fought for by defying their narrative, by existing outside it. By being not the trolls who lived and died, but their broader, conceptual selves, who exist beyond lifetimes. Beyond the comic page. And they consummate that reconciliation with that most cherished and loving of gestures:

A hug.

And even as this is Equius and Nepeta’s reconciliation, it’s also Dirk and Dave’s. Which, I should mention, is also taking place, simultaneously and circumstantially simultaneously, just below. It’s a more difficult one, certainly, especially as filtered through the splinters of Davesprite and AR. Here forgiveness is not quite the right word. But – knowledge, and recognition, and a kind of peace. It’s Davesprite’s chance to reunite with the part of his brother he loved, while also being a person who’s grown beyond him. And it’s AR’s chance to be loved.

Oh, sure, the art is ridiculous, the pose absurd. But that’s what makes it sublime.

I mean, what did you think that Sbahj comic was really about?

A boy distancing himself from his feelings through irony, never acknowledging that the story he’s telling is about two bros who desperately want to hug each other, but don’t know how.

Here’s the hug.

I want to dip into Epilogues territory for a moment, but it’s territory which is fairly well implied by Davepeta’s statements and role in Collide. The Meat Epilogue, I think, only illuminates what was already there.

Lord English is uniquely vulnerable to Davepeta.

And why shouldn’t he be? They, like so much else in Homestuck, are a consequence of his actions spiraling far beyond his control. But it’s more than that. Davepeta is finally able to lay the unbroken sword to rest by following the “prophecy” about Dave defeating Lord English. On the one hand, that’s kind of what happened. But it’s also completely different from what English intended, antithetical to his desires and goals. Which makes the victory all the sweeter. But at the end of the day, Davepeta doesn’t fight for the reasons Davesprite did. They’re free of that, now. Instead, they fight from a place of genuine compassion. Because Davesprite, like Dave, knows the true meaning of being a hero: caring about one’s friends.

But the most important thing about Davepeta is that they know Lord English, on a level that perhaps neither he nor they recognize. Both AR and Equius are in there, and both are capable of redemption. It’s only Gamzee and Caliborn who are truly beyond it.

How does Davepeta defeat Lord English?

With a hug.

They wrap their claws around him, and carry him into the sun like a piece of garbage. It’s an aggressive hold, but it’s also effectively an embrace.

And I have to wonder: in those final moments, did they sense a connection there? Did Equius and Dirk stir somewhere within Lord English? Did they give him a moment’s pause? Resist him? Make it just the tiniest bit easier for Davepeta to do their work?

If so, then that, too, is heroism.

At the very least, it’s circumstantially simultaneous with the hug we see in Act 6, and so it carries the same message:

Redemption.

Not for the shitheads, but for those who wanted to be better.

And if this isn’t enough, there’s a third reconciliation here, too: between author and reader, or to put it in other terms, author and character.

If Lord English is a shadow of the author, what part of the author can be redeemed? Maybe not the destructive, antagonistic urges. But the part that plans and designs and philosophizes as Dirk does. That part of Hussie wanted Davepeta to be there, to strike that final blow, and made it happen.

Because, when you get right down to it, as much as Hussie pretends to be antagonistic toward his readers and the characters they enjoy, it’s the fans, the shippers, the furries, those whose hearts go out to a cute, shy cat girl that he most celebrates.

Hussie fucking loves Nepeta.

Nepeta and Equius are, sneakily, the best characters in Homestuck, because they understand its fundamental message: that to succeed in Homestuck is to defy Homestuck. They defy everything it throws at them, and somehow, improbably, come out on top.

All of this is there on that page, a whole edifice of storytelling culminating in that singular, grand, supremely indulgent expression, a feast of looping leitmotif and color and imagery and meme and sound. It’s all there, if you know where to look.

Nepeta and Equius love each other, and that’s pretty fucking great.

See? I told you.

<> Ari

#nepeta #equius #davepeta #homestuck analysis #arquius #meowrails #davesprite #hal #trying to get out ahead of hussie's commentary for a change #happy 4/13 :33 #<3 #stay tuned #feast of homestuck 2020

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mueritos · 4 years ago

Note

I agree that having to make the choice we're being asked to make is abhorrent, and we definitely should be working towards dismantling our oppressive systems, but I guess my take is that until we can do so and build something better, we have a responsibility to try and mitigate the harm those systems can do while they still exist by acting as a counterweight to prevent the shitheads who support and benefit from them from digging us into an even deeper hole.

a very good point, but its still important to recognize that we cant’t change these systems with reform. There will be NO ONE that we can vote for any time soon that will cause this change. It’s best to start at local elections and try shaping things into better in smaller towns, cities, and counties, but we will NEVER see the change we desperately need with the political system that we have now, which is why we should value abolitionists, indigenous anarchists/grassroot activists, and Black liberation activists. You have a choice, participate in a system designed to kill and condemn, or refuse to participate in it and rally with those people who are disenfranchised by it and strengthen the movement. I will respect people regardless of their choice, but it’s naive to believe that the destruction of ICE, the school to prison pipeline, that drugs will become a public health issue, that decriminalization of marijuana will be nation-wide, that there will less and (even better) no funds to police, etc will happen through voting...at least, not any time soon. Why settle for less when you can ask for the most? they already have us all grappled in the claws of capitalism, we may as well fight for the destruction of it instead of just only making capitalism livable for those who politicians deem deserving of it.

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marril96 · 5 years ago

Text

The Distance Between Us

Chapter 3: Drama, Drama, Drama

Pairing: Rowena x reader

Summary: Your friends don’t take the news too well.

Editor: @cherrypierowena

The Biggerson's diner was packed as usual, tables crowded with high schoolers munching on fast food and slurping their beverages. Being relatively close to the school, it was a popular hangout for students before and after (and sometimes during) class. The food and drinks were cheap but tasty, the staff was nice, and they were very liberal at serving alcohol without asking for ID.

In other words, it was a high schooler's wet dream.

You weren't a fan of crowds, but this was one place where you tolerated them. Mostly because Biggerson's had booths for privacy, and everyone pretty much minded their own business and ate their cheap fries in silence. Even Lucifer Shurley. Sometimes.

Today, your gang had claimed a place near the door, by the wide glass windows letting sunlight light up the diner. They waved you over as soon as they saw you walk in, and you were quick to claim your seat. Beside Crowley, as usual. The two of you always sat together.

Across from you were Sam and Castiel, both of whom kept shooting you curious looks.

Crowley, on the other hand, acted like everything was cool. Normal. Wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and grinned at the waitresses who ignored him. The usual.

Your phone was full of messages, all wondering what the hell happened, what principal Shurley wanted from you, what you did to get yourself sent to his office. Demanding you respond and explain this novelty. Wishing you luck. Hoping for the best outcome of whatever the hell was happening.

Crowley had only sent one, though, telling you to stick it to the man.

Your friends, ladies and gentlemen!

"Where's Dean?" you asked. Usually, he and Sam were attached at the hip. Where one went, the other followed.

Sam frowned, having not expected the question. "Practice."

Right. Of course. Jock stuff.

You shot Castiel a pointed look. "Where were you at lunch?"

He blushed as if his cheeks were on fire. The corners of your lips quirked up. Figured it was something like that.

"Meg and I were, um, hanging out. In the bathroom," he replied awkwardly.

You snorted. "Hanging out. Right."

Meg Masters was Castiel's girlfriend. She dressed up in jeans and leather jackets, rode a bike, smoked like a chimney, and had no filter. What she thought, she told you to your face. A blessing and a curse.

She used to hang around Lucifer, but then she met his younger brother, fell in love, and ditched him. Turned out, Lucifer didn't approve. And Meg wasn't a big fan of ultimatum.

She'd made the right choice. Lucifer and Castiel may have been brothers, but they were polar opposites. Castiel was a good person. Kind. Sweet. A tad awkward. Certainly not a shithead like his older brother who would have been out of high school had he not failed two grades in a row.

Third time was the charm, you supposed.

"Moving the furniture," Crowley commented snidely.

Sam and you laughed. Moving the furniture was a euphemism Meg had once used for sex, and it stuck. It was too good — too specific — not to.

"There is no furniture in bathrooms," Castiel said, flustered.

"Toilets count as furniture," you said.

"And toilet paper," Crowley added.

Castiel rolled his eyes, while Sam kept laughing. He wasn't too big on banter with anyone other than Dean.

"You gonna tell us why the principal wanted to see you?" he asked.

"You guys are relentless," you said, grunting dramatically. You held up your phone. "It's gonna take me hours to get rid of all the messages and missed calls."

"We're your friends," he said. "It's our job to spam you."

Fair enough.

"You didn't spam him" — you pointed at Castiel — "when he was moving toilets in the bathroom with Meg."

"We weren't moving toilets," Castiel muttered under his breath.

"Because we suspected where he was," Sam said. "He wasn't in trouble." His eyes widened. "Were you in trouble?"

"I wasn't in trouble," you replied.

Well, you kind of were.

Trouble was relative.

"How did you even know where I was?"

"Charlie heard your name being called."

Of course she did.

Charlie Bradbury was Sam and Dean's friend. A good girl who rarely got in trouble — or rather, caused trouble in a way that wouldn't get her caught.

"You boys are so desperate," Crowley commented.

Sam frowned. "You messaged her, too!"

"Once." Crowley held up a finger. "I sent her one message. Encouraging her."

"Right."

He turned to you. "What did my sister do this time? Do I want to know?"

"Surprisingly, nothing."

Sighing, you told them everything, from beginning to end, leaving no detail to yourself. They listened intently. Grimaced when the tutoring offer came in. Even more so when the two of you agreed to it.

Sam didn't seem too bothered, though. As a matter of fact, he seemed to be quite supportive of the idea.

Crowley made up for it by being horrified and appalled for them both.

"You're a bloody fool!"

"Thanks, Crowley," you snarked. "I really appreciate the support."

"Why am I friends with you?"

You rolled your eyes. Such a drama king, he was. You loved him, but god, he could be annoying when he wanted to.

"Our entire friendship was a lie!" he continued, upping the drama. A true Shakespearean actor. Ready for the stage. "I've been deceived into thinking you were smart. Turns out you're a dumbass like Moose and Squirrel."

Sam, the aforementioned Moose, sent him his signature bitch face that was a threat and disappointment all in one.

"Are you done?" you asked.

"No, I'm not bloody done! It's Rowena. Rowena."

His face flushed red as his sister's hair as he ranted, cheeks rosy like ripe tomatoes.

"I did say I'd prefer Sam," you reminded him.

He stared at you. Blinked once, twice, three times. Went over your words, allowed then to sink in.

Then, in the whiniest tone a posh teenage gentleman like him could conjure up, he said, "Rowena."

"Jesus, Crowley!" you said, frustrated.

It was far from an ideal situation, but come on!

"One time mother made her help me with homework — and it was all wrong! Made a bloody mockery of me!"

You couldn't say you blamed her. You loved Crowley, you really did, but he was a drama king. No, a drama queen, with a gold crown adorned with shiny diamonds that screamed, loud and clear, drama, drama, drama.

One thing the MacLeod siblings had in common, you supposed. Aside from their loathing for each other.

"She's not that bad," Sam said, earning another eye-roll from Crowley. He paid it no mind. "You'll see. Give her a chance."

What other choice did you have? You were stuck with her for the entire semester.

Maybe there was some merit to Sam's words. Maybe Rowena wasn't that bad. The two of them weren't friends for nothing.

You chased the thought away with a mocking internal sigh. She was Rowena MacLeod. Her and not-that-bad didn't belong in the same sentence. Sam was the kind of person who saw — or rather believed in — the good in everyone. Just because he thought it was there didn't make it true.

Rowena MacLeod was a terrible person. She wasn't capable of good. Hell, you doubted she was even capable of emotions other than disdain. She loved no one but herself. Cared for nothing but her own gain.

And now you were stuck with her.

"Bollocks," Crowley said, shaking you from your thoughts.

You turned to the direction he was facing, sighing when you saw Rowena and Lucifer enter the diner and look around in search of free seats. She avoided your eyes, the scowl in them, the displeasure, instead exchanging a smile and a small nod with Sam. Just a normal, casual greeting between friends. Yeah, right!

A couple had just gotten up to leave, and she and Lucifer rushed to claim their table. Rowena scoffed at the dirty plates and half-empty cups left behind. Her face was scrunched up in a way that would have been cute on anyone other than her, nose turned up. The perfect picture of disgust.

"Speak of the devil," you said.

"I'd say there's two of them," Crowley remarked.

You had to laugh. "True that."

"I was hoping I wouldn't have to see him until later," Castiel said.

He and his brother didn't get along.

"What'd he do this time?" you asked. There was always something with Lucifer. The guy had a penchant for trouble.

"He wanted to borrow my car this morning. I said no, so he tried to steal it. It was a very unpleasant situation."

You should have been surprised, but you weren't. At all. You were quite used to Lucifer's antics.

"Then Gabriel called him a very ugly name, and they got into a fight."

Another non-surprise.

Nothing surprised you anymore when it came to the Shurley siblings. They were even weirder than the MacLeods.

"Hit bloody sibling lottery, didn't we, Feathers?" Crowley commented.

Meg called Castiel Clarence, a reference to an angel from a movie, so Crowley started calling him Feathers. Because he was Crowley and he loved to call people by the nicknames he gave them.

Castiel didn't seem to mind it, though it did take a while for him to realize why Crowley was calling him that. Though, to be fair, it had taken him a while to get Meg's reference, too. He was socially awkward and quite illiterate when it came to pop culture. Poor, innocent soul.

"Lucky us," Castiel said.

Lucky you, too, for joining their little unfortunate family.

You could handle Rowena. You totally could. And you would.

After all, it was just a few hours. A few measly, incredibly dull hours a few times this semester.

It wasn't like you had to live with her.

*****

Tags: @werewolfbarbie @oswinthestrange @songofthecagedmoose @apurdyfulmind @getthesalt-sam @metallihca @salembitchtrials @jay-eris @hellsmother @elizabeth-effie @victoriasagittariablack @rowenaswife @dropsofpetrichor @xfireandsin @liddell-alien @hotdiggitydammit @lae-lae @darkhumorsblog @gaysnakess @angel7376 @cherrypierowena @ruthieconnells @evil-regal-vampiress @collectorofsecretsandsouls @angel-e-v-a @melisandre02 @a-queen-and-her-throne

#rowena #rowena macleod #rowena x reader #spn #supernatural #sam winchester #castiel #crowley #fanfiction #my fics #high school au

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protezioni · 5 years ago

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ALSO ONE MORE THING LOL, headcanons on a crossover au horror movie night?

This ended up really long but I hope you love it!! It's also probably because it's headcanons which I really live for. BUT ALSO YES OF COURSE I LIVE FOR THE CROSSOVER AU AND ALSO FOR HALLOWEEN!! All Zeta characters belong to Emi, FOLLOW @zetacomic !! Miho also was made by @polar-stars !! Isao was made by @nightcrownsking!! Stan them

Movie Picking

-Zuro sets out a whole bunch of movies, ranging from mockumentary horror films to you wouldn't be able to sleep for a week horror films on the table.

-Shoya is set on watching JAWS series. He wants to see his family win. Zuro adds one movie to the list because it was his bro's request.

-Haru comes in, SHE PICKS A MOVIE. She doesn't realize she's scarier than the movie marathon that is coming, but well- her choice will be included. Or else she will be angry. No one wants her angry. Ayame approves on her choice and recommends a movie. Zuro places her recommendation away. Ayame was never best to pick one unless it was romance movies.

-TAI AND MAI SAY THEY WANT MURDER ON SCREEN. Their sugesstion? Accepted. There was a slasher horror, which did include murder. They would probably enjoy it that day.

-Izami tosses a few recommendations. He picks the one with the horror that pulls on the most heartstrings yet still scares the crap out of people. Suggestion accepted.

-Isao gives a movie. Immediately burned by Sepheir. She does not trust this man.

-So far they have one Jaws movie, a film Haru wanted, slasher horror and an angsty horror movie. Seems good enough. They will be watching from 6-3, but people can choose to sleep earlier (if they can after that).

Movie Preparation

-Ko spends SO MUCH. Chips, Sodas, Full blown Meals, Popcorn, Cotton Candy, Everything--- For EVERYONE. He splits them all evenly and everyone has their personal food and drink box.

-Makoto is SURPISED over how much things he bought without thinking... He shouldn't spend his money like this! But it was for Zygos and Protezioni... but still! That's carelessly using money!

-Makoto gives him a good talk

-Yuuki is lowkey anxious over the movie choices but Asuka ends up comforting him and calming him down. Tells him that Big Sis Asuka is always there! Yuuki calms down fairly well!

-Yuri is watching Shigure cry even before the movie starts. She's calling him a dumbass and tells him it hasn't started yet. Turns our Shigure was crying over something else and she facepalms.

-Romano is hugging his paperwork but Hide is trying to tell him to relax for once and let it go. He follows for once and believes in her words. She says it is best to let himself not do work since Halloween only happens once a year. He is very convinced.

-Ace is worried if the kids can handle it, but he prepares a comfort blanket in advanced in case any of them want to go under one later. There are 10 comfort blankets with stuffed toys under it. Tsukki helps in gathering pillows.

-The movie marathon starts.

Movie Watching

-Jaws was the first to come.

-All of Zygos turn their head to Shoya. Protezioni proceeds to do the same.

-"I wanted to see my fellow scalys."

"THIS DOESN'T FIT THE ATMOSPHERE, SHITHEAD"

"Jun, your temper is worse than your height"

"YOU PIECE OF SHIT"

-Eis tries to calm Junko down, Zuro laughs about the whole thing. Fortunato facepalms and tells them to calm the fuck down. Maemi knew this would happen. He is very tired. Kaito tries to stop them.

-Anyway Jaws was being watched by several other people. Kuro thoughts the sharks were dolphins. "Dudeeee, they're sharks? I thought sharks were bigger." "THOSE ARE WHALES, KURO"

-Kana is laughing her ass off at this moment, Ren makes a dramatic speech in the middle "Oh whale, oh shark, what is your true reflection-" Shima is so done with this shit. What's worse- the speech or the movie? Shinji talks about how different everyone's aura is because of one single movie.

-Tilear is too busy snickering over Team Omega to focus, she is enjoying. Izami is actually watching the movie. Asks Oliviero if his fang was close to a shark's. Oliviero said he was more of cub or something. Ko wants them to be quiet so he could watch the film. They don't become quiet.

-Haru is excited. She says she brought up the next movie! Everyone is wondering what she picked. It turns out to be a psychological horror! They did not expect this, but the movie was fine.

-Kaito SCREAMS when he sees something happens, he is seeking for hug. For comfort. He cannot handle this. Aki decides to hug him and comfort him. They go to the comfort blankets.

-Tsuyobi jumps off the couch when something happens, Mitsu is the one who takes care of a shaking Tsuyobi. Hoping he is is okay.

-Alderardo names everything wrong with the film because it's a psychological horror and not a lot of things makes sense. Haru yells at him to shut up. He shuts up. Tana is glad he was able to shut the fuck up. Wants to thank Haru for that.

-Masao feels like an undefeated entity because he didn't back out in the movie unlike Kaito. HE WAS THE SUPERIOR LEADER. THE BRAVER LEADER. THE--- Kaya tells him to stop being like that and just sit down and enjoy the movie. Masao ends up sitting down and watching the movie.

-Anzu is clinging to Hide, Hide allows her to cling to her. Eis is clinging to Ella, who looks around but awkwardly pats Eis's back. Team 2 is making a theory silently because they are the most observant team. ALL THEIR THEORIES WERE PROVEN RIGHT.

-Miho comes in out of nowhere, a smile on her face, a flashlight underneath her. "Tea?" EVERYONE THOUGHT SHE LOOKED LIKE A GHOST. Turns out Ami was holding the flashlight below her. She is now officially dubbed as the tea ghost. She looked like one of the characters.

-The next is the slasher film the Murder Twins chose. THEY BOTH BRING UP MURDER. Riichi looks interested, he brings up he learned some sneaky moves through this movie! A lot of people look at them and see them as a very dangerous group if they worked together.

-Yuuki does get anxious over some parts, but Asuka is there to comfort him. Yarohe ends up being his comfort teddy bear. Ko just silently watches the rest to see how they are doing.

-Bren and Tilear have a small discussion because there is a lot of things to talk about since there are weapons in it. Tilear asks Yuuki about a question about his gun and says he doesn't need to feel anxious because he'd be able to shoot the man with no problem. Asuka pats the back of Yuuki who is internally screaming because someone believes in his skill.

-Marmi ends up gathering notes and he sees how Riichi was able to use these notes for something. Celes predicts what's happens next, saying it was a common strategy that is found in horror films. Calls the cast dumb and she isn't surprised that they are dying.

-The strategists talk about something together and make the best plan to escape if they ever end up in a situation like that. Their plan is the best plan ever created and if they were in a horror movie, they will 10000000% survive. Celes, Hide, Maemi, Miho and Shinji were a group who'd never die in a horror film.

-Ami mentions things that could have happened and says she would be a better murderer than the main antagonist of the slasher film. The stealth experts agree with her. Kiyaru also brings that up and Team 2 all agree with her. Bernando says he would fight the antagonist and win. The whole team 4 agrees. Akira comments about how unrealistic it is and the cops are doing a horrible job, brings up both Zygos and Protezioni are way better than the cops. Says the cops are useless in the movie.

-The talk is about murder and how they survive. The movie was overall enjoyable though and it was a great slasher film. There were holes to it, but the Murder Twins loved the blood.

-Okay now was the horror film that had the most emotional scenes. Kaito goes out of the comfort blanket, and Izami gives a small warning that it gets pretty sad. Sepheir comments she knows the film and it does get pretty sad. Everyone knows it's seriously shit sad when Sepheir says that.

-The horror parts were scary as fuck. People jumped from their seats. Kaito wanted to hide again and he screamed again. He is not the best with horror movies. Ayame comments about how this was really disturbing and Hiyaro agrees with her comments. Junko says if she saw a face like that, she's stab the fucker.

-Okay but when the sad parts come? PEOPLE BEGIN CRYING. Kaito starts bawling his eyes out instead of screaming and the whole Zetas decided to comfort their leader. Anzu starts tearing up and Hide tries to cheer her up but yells at Izami for showing that movie. Izami yells back that he warns them. Shigure is crying so bad and Yuri awkwardly comforts him but he just cries even louder. Aki is crying and Allen is in panic. Rika is silently crying and Akira is just allowing her to lean on him.

-It ends up with people crying because of fear or because of sadness. Shoya laughs at some parts and no one knows why he laughs. "LOOK HE DIED" "It isnT FUNNY SHO" "IT WAS IN A STUPID WAY" "SHO"

-Mitsu cries and the whole Zeta is prepared to fight whoever made Mitsu cry. It turns out it was the film. It's just that emotional.

-Movie night ends after the whole roller coaster ride of emotions

-A lot end up sleeping in the living room. Reo and Namito were actually busy doing trick or treating and they slept early like the good kids they are! They wake up to this sight and wonder what happened! Good children through and through.

#ask #THIS IS HALLOWEEN #movie watching is also one of my faves to make hcs of okay ekcjdkcjkd

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hugogw · 5 years ago

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( CIS-MALE. HE/HIM ) you know SEBASTIAN ‘BASH’ GRAYSON, right? they’re TWENTY ONE and majoring in MUSIC COMPOSITION? still nothing? well, they look exactly like TIMOTHEE CHALAMET, so you can’t miss them. i’ve heard they’re really PASSIONATE, but super DESTRUCTIVE too… it makes perfect sense that they’re a VIRGO. anyways, if you see them, tell them they left their BINDER OF SHEET MUSIC in class and that i have it.

hi guys! i’m madison and i’m super excited to be apart of this group? i already love it and every one of you SM so please, do me the honor in plotting with me! like this if you’d like to plot with bash and i’ll message you!

TW: Abuse, Alcoholism

There he is, the Dean’s son and an actual legacy.

For as long as he could remember, it’s unfortunately always been him and his father. His mom died while giving birth to Bash and his Dad has never ever forgiven him for it.

His father is abusive and an alcoholic (that same gene he passed down to his son unfortunately) though he hides it well because…he’s the Dean of the school. Both physically, emotionally and verbally. Since he’s been dealing with it his entire life, he’s sort of accepted it as something that he deserves so he doesn’t really fight it. After all, if it weren’t for him his mother would still be alive. And his father isn’t hurting anyone other than him so Bash has never…really seen the problem. A complete victim’s mindset.

So due to this he thinks he’s a worthless piece of shit that won’t amount to anything and who doesn’t deserve love or happiness. As his father constantly reminds him, he’s just a burden on the world and all around him, feeding to the country’s overpopulation. He was the biggest mistake of his Dad’s life.

Again, he thinks he deserves it and he believes he needs his father. Dean Grayson has convinced him that he wouldn’t survive a minute in the world without him. Bash is just…delusional and as much as he hates his Dad, he grossly respects and values his opinion. After all he doesn’t know better and doesn’t know anything more.

His father shielded him from a normal childhood too. He was homeschooled and had very few school friends. It wasn’t until high school where he was suddenly thrust into the social scene and let’s just say he didn’t adjust well.

On the frequent occasions where his father beats him to where it’s visible, Bash will usually go to a bar and elicit a fight to get more flesh wounds apparent so that he has an alibi. So basically everyone at Somerset just thinks he’s a drunken troublemaker who gets into a shit ton of fights. Which like…isn’t wrong. He is drunk or high 99% of the time and he’s getting into fights.

At least when he gets hit, he feels something. Whereas he’s gotten so good at numbing and shoving down any sort of feelings. Shout out to liquor!

He’s always loved music, it’s his sole happy place and when his fingers are gracing that of a piano it’s like…he’s transported away from the bullshit. As lame as it sounds, he feels like his piano is his only and last connection to his Mom. She used to play and when he plays, he feels like he’s playing for her and to her like…spiritually. He can feel her when he’s writing, composing and playing. She gives him the music and he puts it to paper.

Also gay af.

ALSO DO NOT CALL HIM SEBASTIAN. it’s a massive fucking trigger for him! it’s what his dad always calls him before he’s about to beat the shit out of him. i mean you can but he won’t react great.

PERSONALITY WISE:

He’s a sarcastic asshole who tries to act all tough but who is severely craving human intimacy and companionship. When people start to get close and he starts to trust them, he panics, literal panic attacks that cause him to just snap and do everything he can to push that person FAR away and out of his life. He’s really smart but he doesn’t think so which means he doesn’t apply himself. Doesn’t really trust anyone. Will party and sometimes when he’s really high he’ll like…relax and cut loose and be real with people but then the next day he’ll deny it ever happened.

PLOTS:

In simple terms: FWB, Exes that he probably cheated on or pushed away, Hook ups, Friends, Study buddies, party buddies, smoking buddies, reckless shithead buddies etc.

MORE DETAILED PLOTS:

ROMANTIC/PHYSICAL:

[ current | fwb ] muse a and muse b met through mutual friends and quickly hit it off as friends. offhandedly one day, muse a mentioned something one day that muse b quickly turned sexual. they locked eyes and the next minute they were in a room, locked away, undressing each other. after exiting the room, the two agreed that it would never happen again…until a few days later, when it did. they keep saying they won’t come back for more.

[ current | just do it already ] muse a and muse b have been in love with each other for like, ever. neither of them are willing to admit it though, even to themselves. their friends are constantly joking about it and they both wave it off – but when one isn’t looking, anyone could see the adoration in the other’s face with ease.

[ past | dating ] muse a and muse b were the kind of people that immediately rejected each other, going to other people instead. then muse a found themselves in a room with their ex and pulled muse b aside to ask them to fake being their significant other for the night. over the next few hours, their fake date became a real one and soon things progressed into a relationship.

[ previous | friends…i guess? ] muse a and muse b were friends prior to their spontaneous hook-up and their world turned upside down. dazed, they decided to start dating that moment and to their credit, tried to make it work for a few weeks. muse a finally ( and nervously ) let out that they weren’t feeling it. to their relief, muse b admitted they were feeling the same. they decided to stay friends, but now have the added “i’ve seen you naked” awkwardness.

[ previous/current | on again, off again ] muse a and muse b love each other, but their relationship is toxic so they are constantly on and off. they always get along as friends, but the second they became lovers something always changes. they care a lot about each other, but something always goes awry.

[ your choice | hook up ] muse a recently broke up with their significant other, and in their post-breakup state got some revenge by hooking up with their ex’s best friend, muse b. neither expected the night to be so…memorable. your choice on what they do about it.

PLATONIC:

[ positive | two way street ] muse a and muse b frequent the same coffee shop and often made casual hellos to each other until the coffee shop raised their prices. muse a went to order their usual drink and lifted their eyes in surprise at the new price, hand helplessly prepared to hand over exact change. muse b quickly swooped in and saved the day, buying both of their coffees. next time they were both in the shop, muse a paid for muse b’s drink. they flip who pays each time as some sort of game now, but they’ve only had minor conversation as one or the other always seems to be in a rush.

[ positive | friends ] when muse a moved in, they didn’t expect to see muse b climbing up/standing on the fire escape right outside their living room window. they went to confront muse b and scared them, making both fear for the life of muse b for a moment. apologetic, muse a invited muse b in and the two connected almost immediately. ( muse b may or may not have explained their presence on the fire escape during this conversation // reason could have been that they knew who lived in muse a’s apartment before but didn’t know that they moved )

[ current | platonic or romantic ] *tw: alcohol. muse a and muse b met at a bar. throughout the night, muse b got more and more inebriated. being the good ( or bad ) samaritan they are, muse a decides to take muse b back to their house before they end up on the floor. when they arrive at muse a’s building/house, muse b ( loudly ) asks muse a how the heck ! muse a knew where they lived. turns out – they live a mere few floors/doors/houses away from each other.

[ current | platonic ] muse a is an extrovert – so much so that when muse b started moving in, they didn’t even wait for the moving truck to pull away before introducing themselves. in fact, muse a even started helping unload the truck without being asked. ( BONUS: muse b was super grateful for the help and their relationship is great // muse b is Grumpy™ and was annoyed that muse a started helping without asking and their relationship is tense. )

#somerintro

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imbumkyung · 5 years ago

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I Saw It In A Movie One Time (ch 5) - Ties

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

The next morning, Edward intended to arrange a meeting between his own family and Sam’s pack with the help of Bella. However, this method proved to be futile as Jacob refused to answer any of Bella’s calls. Bella could only assume that the reason was because Jacob was still hurt after being undermined by her choice to stay with Edward, no matter how much he tried to prove his love would be better for her while Edward was off in Italy. To be fair, he had only gone so far away because his love for Bella was greater than himself.Edward let out an exasperated sigh, “We can’t get to Sam,” he informed the coven, “Jacob won’t pick up any of Bella’s calls.”

“Sam was unavailable at the time I called him as well.” Carlisle said, disappointment seeping through his words, “We’ll figure something out when you all get back from school this afternoon,” Carlisle dismissed.

With a nod, the Cullens walked out, shrugging on their backpacks and grabbing keys for 3 different vehicles.

Upon returning home— All except for Edward, who was dropping off Bella to her dad— they gathered once again in the living room.

“Victoria’s coming. She’ll be here in four days,” Alice informed, “I had a vision about it earlier today. She was in the forest by the river,” she described, referring to the river that split the Cullen’s territory from the wolves

“Bella’s flying to Jacksonville,” Edward used his inhuman speed to come quickly and almost silently through the door, already caught up on the conversation through hearing their thoughts, “I’m going with her.”

The coven nodded, all understanding this was the only way to hide it from Bella.

“Have you heard from the pack at all?” Edward asked Carlisle. Rosalie’s face twisted with distaste at just the name and Emmett smirked upon seeing her expression.

“I haven’t been able to, no,” Carlisle replied. “Perhaps I can call her in for a check up on her cast. She left without her meds as well, and I’m not sure why.”

“I talked to her after she met with you,” Edward explained, “She’s been here since before the whole Italy thing happened. Before we all left Forks— she was already here.”

Everyone in the room was shocked, “I didn’t see her come,” Alice stated. That meant she’d already been here for half a year, and since before the summer after their junior year ever started.

“She wasn’t a concern back then, probably,” Emmett offered

“No, at prom, she saw me and thought I was a vampire. She knew, I just heard her thoughts very clearly. She knew my name.” Edwards eyebrows furrowed in frustration upon retrieving the memory. The question was: How did she know?

Rosalie was now concerned, “What else does she know?”

“She knew Victoria,” Edward said

It wasn’t new information, but hearing all of the information now was still shocking to the Cullens. How had they been found out? What other information is there? Who was she telling? Who told her?

Emmett shook his head, “We’ve gotta bring her in,” he said with an amused smirk.

“Are you nuts?” Rosalie asked, “We’re not dragging any more humans into this house,” Rosalie declared, arms crossed in front of her.

“I’m just saying,” Emmett raised his hands defensively, “It’d be cool to know how she knows all this. And I think we should be straight up honest with her about what needs to happen.”

“This is the most logical thing I’ve heard you say in decades,” Jasper teased.

“Shut up,” Emmett shot back with a playful smile.

“He might be right,” Esme contributed, “I think she might be more upset if she finds out we’re watching her behind her back,” she paused, “and I mean who knows— with all this knowledge, she might already know our plans”

“I doubt it,” Edward disagreed shaking his head, “if she knew that far ahead, she would have seen Victoria coming.”

“And we’re not dragging her into this,” he declared once again, “We can get the wolves involved if it keeps the treaty in tact, but that’s as far as I’ll go.”

“What is she to you?” Rosalie asked with a stiffened voice

Edward shrugged, a concentrated look on his face as if he was scouring his brain for an answer, “I don’t know. But knowing how exposed she is to our lifestyle is almost driving me insane”

Victoria ran as far as she could, shocked that wolves were a real thing and that they were in Forks. The events played over and over in her head. All Victoria wanted was human blood as she wasn’t searching for any new army recruits at the time, and luckily found a girl by herself in the forest. As fun as hunting the girl was, however, her entire world froze as her name was spoken from the lips for a human. A regular human. Needless to say, she was angry. Angry that she was in even more danger that her kind was exposed to a complete stranger, and this may cause to Volturi to get involved. She already knew she would be a concern upon creating an army and prepared herself for that punishment, but if Aro read her thoughts and found out that a human— a tiny frail little human— knew of her kind, it’s game over for her. Victoria planned to put an end to it, on the weekend when she knew the Cullens would be hunting because they weren’t being fake students in school, and she wasn’t concerned about running into the wolves. Now all she had to do was wait four more days.

As soon as Carlisle checked into his workplace at the hospital he dashed straight to his patient files and searching for Kaileia’s name and contact information. Upon doing so, he notified a secretary to reach out to her and inform her of the meds she forgot to pick up.

Over the phone, Kaileia agreed to pick up her medications before closing time at 3 p.m. Carlisle felt accomplished and called Edward to let him know she’d be at the hospital around 3.

As time came, she walked swiftly to the pharmacy, picked up her medications and was quickly trying to walk out as she had work in 30 minutes and had just that amount of time to be there. She felt his aura but cursed herself internally as she locked eyes with “Twitward”.

Had he not been so stoic in the moment, he would have laughed at her thought. To his surprise, she motioned for him to follow her outside and he obliged.

“If I asked you to stop following me and let this go, would you?” She asked sincerely.

He sighed shook his head, “there’s a lot at stake right now and my family and I are just concerned for your safety,” he explained, only making eye contact with her for that second part of the sentence.

Kai paused. Before she spoke, she reminded herself in her head to mask her real thoughts with louder less-risky ones. For example, she could be thinking, “don’t say you’re not from this planet,” but masked it with an, “AAAAHHHHHHHHHH”.

“I can hear you trying not to think,” Edward pointed out

She smiled to herself, “good. That means its working. Whats wrong with my safety?” She asked, knowing full well it was probably Victoria.

“It is,” he replied to her thought, “she’s not gonna stop. Alice had a vision and we think she’s searching for you.”

She froze, eyes unmoving. The last encounter she had with Victoria was the most fearful she ever experienced. It’s how she imagined an ant felt when it felt it would be squished by the effortless power of a finger.

“I doubt she’ll find me—”

“No, you don’t,” Edward interjected with a shake of his head, “you know what she’s capable of.”

Kaileia nodded, searching for the right question to ask.

“My family and I— we want to be able to stand watch for you. The disappearances of people in Seattle are from her, I’m sure of it. The others don’t think so, but I know it’s not accident,” he explained

“So why do you feel like you need to protect me and not those victims in Seattle?” She pressed. Edward inwardly grimaced at the word “victims” and felt ashamed.

“You know a lot of information,” He answered, “I— I’m just... intrigued by you somehow. And I know you hate us but—”

“Okay. I get it,” her hands went up defensively, “you want all the information I can give you and I understand that but,” she lowered her hands and fiddled them instead, her voice lowering, “if I keep talking to you, it could cause a life. Maybe more. Maybe all of them. That’s what I’m trying to avoid. I don’t hate you, Edward. I’m trying to protect us all.” She explained without hesitation. She realized, if she wanted them to leave her alone, she needed him to know the truth.

“Please— and I really mean it,” she implored to him, sincerity spilling through every word, “don’t get in contact with me again. If Victoria gets to me, so be it. Protect Bella and protect your family. Don’t worry about me.”

She walked away without another word and Edward was left almost as confused as before. He sighed inwardly, the only information he was able to gather was her name, Kaileia— “a very unique name” he thought— and her phone number. Though, it would be no use now as she forbid him from contacting her ever again. Edward walked into the hospital to inform Carlisle of their conversation.

“Life and death?” Rosalie questioned incredulously.

“She didn’t tell me anything else, just that she... knows everything. I mean, thats what I got from her explanation.”

Bella dropped her fork onto her plate and turned her palm upward questionably, “How is this even possible?”

“She’s a pixie I’m calling it,” Emmett announced

“Oh my God.” Jasper whispered to himself, almost tired of Emmett’s funny yet stupid ass comments.

Kai sped to work, not wanting to clock in late to an unforgiving manager. She sighed, out of all the days she chose to be late, it had to be when that shithead was working the same shift. There didn’t even need to be two people on a Thursday and she hoped he would clock out early like he did when he just didn’t feel like being at work sometimes.

The two hour shift went by quickly with nothing out of the ordinary happening. She clocked out thankful that the day went smoothly then drove home.

[Journal Entry]

June 2nd, 2006

Edward saw me at the hospital today. I told him that i couldn’t give him any information and the risks that came with it if I did. He gets it but i dont think they’ll leave me alone tho tbh. He thought i hated him and screaming in my head masked the thoughts. I hope no one finds this bc i mean yeah i hated him in the movies but ONLY because I was a 5tf grade girl on team jacob. He’s kinda the only wolf i know but i havent run into them and I dont plan to. I want a dog.

Despite it only being 6p.m., Kai was beat. For no reason really. She slept until noon but felt fatigued still. With that, she took a nap right on top of the journal she shut.

“Thank you for meeting with us,” Carlisle said to Jacob

Jacob said nothing, but offered Carlisle a nod. He was almost uncomfortable inside of the Cullen family’s transparent house, but was almost certain they wouldn’t do anything to him. Carlisle took this as a sign to continue, “There’s a girl that works on your reservation that Victoria’s hunting down,” he began, “Alice had a vision of her on your territory.”

Alice stepped forward, presenting her sketches to Jacob, “we think she works here,” she pointed to the left side of the paper, showing the convenience store, “But she lives on this street outside of the reservation.”

“I had a vision of Victoria running through here. She’ll be here on Saturday,” she informed him

Jacob nodded, “did you guys tell her she’s in trouble?”

“She already knew,” Carlisle said gently.

“She knows a lot,” Alice said

Jacob’s eyes met hers intently, “what do you mean ‘a lot’?” His brows furrowed

Alice began to explain, “Edward said she saw him at prom and already knew he was a vampire. Before he even talked to her, she knew he could read minds. She knew she was attacked by Victoria—”

“We saw her,” Jacob stated

“You did?” Carlisle asked him

Jacob nodded, “Yeah. We uh, we saw Victoria trying to eat her while she was in the woods. We tried catching her but she got away,” he drew in a breath, “I didn’t think it would go full circle into something like this.”

Carlisle nodded. It wasn’t anything that any of them were expecting— for some girl to show up with full knowledge of the supernatural that occurred in Forks.

Carlisle stood from his seat to level with Jacob, eye to eye, “We want to ask if you will watch over her. Alice will continue to update you if she has any other visions of Victoria hunting on your land,” he implored genuinely, “we want to protect the treaty.”

Jacob thought about it, though the decision wasn’t going to be up to him because Sam was the alpha. He was going to find out this information by either Jacob being honest, or his thoughts being read through the wolf telepathy.

“I’ll let Sam know and he’ll get back to you tomorrow morning. The treaty line at 8a.m.,” Jacob arranged the meeting for them.

“Thank you, I really appreciate what you’re doing,” Carlisle validated gently. Jacob nodded as he made his way out of the Cullen household.

It took no convincing at all for Sam to comply with Carlisle’s request. It was logical— protect the people on the reservation, eliminate the threat, maintain the treaty. The only problem was, they didn’t know exactly who the girl was. Her name was Kai, she knew a lot of information, she worked at the convenience store that was a ten minute walk from Emily’s house and she lived about twenty minutes from Bella’s. Sam prepared the pack to meet Carlisle in wolf form tomorrow at 8a.m. so they could all hear it from Carlisle himself.

———

Thank you so much for reading!! This was kind of a filler but it’s also kinda important to know how the cullens and the wolf pack feel about the situation imo

Tags: @sunflowerspectre @rosalies-hale @coffees-and-constellations

Critiques/comments/likes/reblogs all appreciated!

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pikaflute · 6 years ago

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Being wrong is hard work. We as people like to be right and correct all the time. Being wrong feels....well wrong. You feel ashamed for your mistakes and like total shit when you’re wrong. We strive to always be correct and right all the time, but you’re never going to be right all the time. Hell, even as I’m typing this I know I’ve been wrong and time to time I fuck up.

But see, I and many other people change frequently. I am not the same person i was when I started this blog back in 2014. I’m much more aware of the consequences of my actions as I’ve grown up and matured and am more aware of fuck ups I make. Changing and growing up is hard, and many people are stubborn and don’t want to do it. Taking accountability has to put them in this awkward confrontational spot that makes them actually take responsibility and they don’t want to do it.

With that in mind, I’m here to say shut the fuck up. So what? You’re wrong. Admit that you fucked up. Apologize. Take responsibility for what you did an become a better person.

The elephant in the room is obviously Gaud. This is not their first time up to the tumblr discourse bat, and while, yes, sending death threats is a little extreme, fans of Gaud seem to think that’s all that is happening. But it’s not. People just want accountability. They want Gaud to just apologize cleanly for lesbophobia and saying the nword while Gaud is not black.

But Gaud either refuses to apologize cleanly or just, dismisses all criticism as angry trolls who are TERFs (their fans did this more than Gaud themself did) or not really black ("Due to the details of call out culture, it’s difficult for me to ascertain if any of the criticism I’ve begun receiving is from actual black voices, or if (as I suspect) it is almost entirely from the group of trolls who have been targeting my blog over the last few months, and appropriating minority voices as an excuse. I am very ready to listen to feedback and criticism about the post in question, but from black voices specifically. If I was disrespectful, I want to fix that. But I’m damn tired of trolls speaking for (and erasing) minority voices as an excuse to harass people online.“).

The first apology regarding the lesbophobia was okay in theory. However, their tags say and I quote “#the only purpose of these dumbass shitposts is to make people laugh #while also feeling the need to check under the bed for monsters” which seems a little disingenuous, as if to say “i don’t know why everyone is so mad, these were just jokes”

No you may be wondering why I said in theory this apology was good. Well this reply popped up calling angry and upset lesbians abusive shitheads and Gaud basically agreeing with what they said. Yeah real fucking sorry huh. Not to mention basically pubically posting the urls of angry lesbians who were rightly felt mad at their lesbophobia as “hatemail”.

Their second more recent apology was even worse. If we’re not counting how they basically don’t believe many people criticizing them were not black they don’t even apologize for using it. They say “I chose not to censor the word when copying the quote b/c Sam purposely uses it as a powerful final note to her speech, and at the time I was concerned that censoring it would be dishonest, and catering to white discomfort.” This is excusing it, it’s not even an apology. They even start the post with “ I’ve been accused of using the N word.“ as if they don’t even know what the problem is. And they use it again in that “apology post! They basically learnt nothing!

This is also not addressing the female socialization comment they made which is transmisogynistic. Specifically in the tags of this post (now deleted) said “ #i’m nonbinary but i’ve been socialized and perceived female my whole life which means there is a huge overlap bt the female experience and my experiences.” Whether Gaud meant to or not, this in itself is transmisogynistic, as TERFs use it to say trans women are not real women since they have been “male socialized” instead of female socialized. I am not a trans woman myself, so my knowledge is pretty limited, however the callout I have linked in the bottom of this post does go into it in more detail in the transmisogynist section

So why did they delete the tags? Well, they made this post after deleting said tags. You may notice that isn’t apology, this is an attempt to garner sympathy. And before you say it, yes Gaud made an apology in the replies of the original post they made. But why only in the replies? Just posting a really shitty post that is like “well these meanies don’t like me because I can’t apologize correct!” just makes people like you even less.

Finally, in this post they admit they cannot take criticism. But this reply sucks. They say they’ve never learned how to process criticism from their parents/adults (ignoring the fact that responding to criticism depends on you specifically and also they literally just shifted the blame of them no being able to do as their parent’s fault what???). They also say they can’t reply correctly to criticism because of “angry scrutiny & criticism from anonymous internet users who may or may not already have decided I’m irredeemably”. Which is like...huh? You can’t reply to criticism because people don’t like you for the thing that they’re criticizing you for? What are they supposed to do then? Gaud also employed self-deprecation “Or I’m a shitty garbage person who should delete their blog." and specific tags such as “im sorry for bumming ya’ll out” which is more of a cry for sympathy than an actual apology.

In conclusion, Gaud needs to learn how to apologize and handle criticism. They need to realize that people who is criticizing them is not a hater out to get them, and have valid critiques. Sometimes people are going to be angry, but you can’t dismiss someone because they’re angry at you. As someone who is autistic as well, I understand that communication can be difficult but you need to take responsibility regardless. As I said earlier, just admit that you fucked up. These wishy washy and sympathy grabbing replies aren’t going to cut it.

Not everyone is going to like you Gaud. Not everyone is going to forgive you. And that’s okay! I think personally if you apologized without trying to make yourself seem like the person who’s been wronged more people would see that as a step in the right direction. It’s just so far, every attempt Gaud has made has not done that as I’ve explained.

And to Gaud’s fans, wanting Gaud to properly apologize is not callout culture. It’s wanting an adult to take responsibility for their actions.

Here’s a more in depth callout post for gaud to read at your leisure as well. TW: for rape, pedophilia, antisemitism, incest, anti black racism and lesbophobia.

#long post #gaud discourse #gaud #im tired.

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roryaikins · 6 years ago

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( cis-male ) haven’t seen SEBASTIAN ‘BASH’ LOCKWOOD around in a while. theBENJAMIN WADSWORTH lookalike has been known to be (+) INTUITIVE & (+) INSIGHTFUL, but HE can also be (-) RECLUSIVE & (-) WITHDRAWN. The 21 year old is aSOPHOMORE majoring in MUSIC COMPOSITION. I believe they’re living in WANDERERbut I popped by earlier and no one answered the door.

WHAM BAM. Like this if you’d like to plot with Bashie Poo.

TW: Abuse

There he is, the Dean’s son and an actual legacy from one of the Lockwood founders! Aka his grandpop.

For as long as he could remember, it’s unfortunately always been him and his father. His mom died while giving birth to Bash and his Dad has never ever forgiven him for it.

Their grandparents are never really around except for when they need Bash and his father for publicity but mainly they benefit off of the school’s wages and go on extravagant vacations and what nothing to do with the Lockwood boys.

His father is abusive though he hides it well because…he’s the Dean of the school. Both physically, emotionally and verbally. Since he’s been dealing with it his entire life, he’s sort of accepted it as something that he deserves so he doesn’t really fight it. After all, if it weren’t for him his mother would still be alive. And his father isn’t hurting anyone other than him so Bash has never…really seen the problem. A complete victim’s mindset.

Even though Sebastian is a MAN now, a whole 21 years, he hasn’t gravitated away from his Dad. Again, he thinks he deserves it and he believes he needs his father. Dean Lockwood has convinced him that he wouldn’t survive a minute in the world without him. Bash is just…delusional and as much as he hates his Dad, he grossly respects and values his opinion. After all he doesn’t know better and doesn’t know anything more.

His father shielded him from a normal childhood too. He was homeschooled and had very few school friends. It wasn’t until college where he was suddenly thrust into the social scene and let’s just say he hasn’t…adjusted well.

On the frequent occasions where his father beats him to where it’s visible, Bash will usually go to a bar and elicit a fight to get more flesh wounds apparent so that he has an alibi. So basically everyone at Lockwood just thinks he’s a drunken troublemaker who gets into a shit ton of fights. Which like…isn’t wrong. He is drunk or high 99% of the time and he’s getting into fights.

At least when he gets hit, he feels something. Whereas he’s gotten so good at numbing and shoving down any sort of feelings. Shout out to liquor!

Also gay af.

PERSONALITY WISE:

PLOTS:

In simple terms: FWB, Exes that he probably cheated on or pushed away, Hook ups, Friends, Study buddies, party buddies, smoking buddies, reckless shithead buddies etc.

MORE DETAILED PLOTS:

ROMANTIC/PHYSICAL:

PLATONIC:

#water:intro

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jercythesiscrying · 6 years ago

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Dumb Dumb | KageTsukki, G, 4k

NaNoWriMo Day 6: Songfic

Summary: Tobio may like Tsukishima, but that doesn’t mean he’s enjoying it.

A songfic based on Dumb Dumb (Japanese Version) by Red Velvet, which is an expanded version of a ficlet I wrote in this shuffle challenge. Main focus is on KageTsukki, but includes background poly-first years (specifically TsukkiYama and KageHinaYachi). Takes place when the first-years are second-years.

Read on Ao3

A/N: Exceptional hugs, kisses, and gratitude to @karasunovolleygays for the beta and ass-kicking (I hope I got all the epithets now???), shout-out to @omgrandomwords for throwing ideas at me, and general thank yous to Stream Team for always listening to me bitch. All other mistakes are my own.

Tobio finally notices, hilariously, at the Spring Interhigh when they’re arguing about the new quick they’ve been developing. Tsukishima had missed Tobio’s set, now furious that Tobio accused him for being at fault.

It’s late but here I am, sighing by myself Look what you’ve done, you’ve got my heart going crazy, oh

“I don’t need a pinpoint toss!” Tsukishima yells. “I’m not Hinata!”

Tobio is well aware of this fact, but he’s too proud to admit it, so he stands his ground, glaring at Tsukishima with a pout.

“Just –” Tsukishima growls, and Tobio notices his fists clenching at his side. “Just fucking toss it to me the way I keep telling you!”

“I know you keep telling me, because you won’t stop screaming in my ear about it!”

“Because it’s the only way you’d ever listen, genius!”

“Hey! Quit it!” Tobio whips his head around to see Tanaka-san yelling at them and stomping over. He tries pushing the two of them apart, but Tobio strains against his senpai’s palm, chest puffing out. He notices that Tsukishima does the same, and Tobio bares his teeth in a snarl.

Baby baby baby baby baby You play me play me play me play me play me

They always get like this: in each other’s faces if they ever want to make any progress. It’s different than when Tobio argues with Shouyou. With Shouyou, their bickering is more settled, now an almost comfortable banter about dumb things all the time. But with Tsukishima, Tobio is always on his toes, ready to push back at Tsukishima’s quick wit. Sometimes, their conversations can even be playful.

Unfortunately, in this case it means they’re chewing each other out in the middle of a match.

“I said quit it!”

The angry tone in Tanaka’s voice forces them to pause. That, and the vice-captain’s fists clenching into their uniforms.

“Keep it off the court or you’ll be benched for the rest of the season,” he warns in a low voice.

Tobio looks back at Tsukishima, who frowns at him before glaring away.

“Fine.”

They all reposition themselves on the court. Wakatani serves the ball, and Nishinoya easily receives it, volleying it to Tobio with precision. Tobio calculates the odds in the split second the ball soars in the air.

He frowns; he hates when Tsukishima’s right. He takes one look at the shithead, who answers with a nod.

Tobio sets the ball high, arching just behind the net. Tsukishima easily spikes the ball at an angle, and the crowd roars when the ref calls it as in.

“See?” Tsukishima says in a sweet, deeply sarcastic voice. “That wasn’t so bad now, was it?”

“Piss off.”

Tobio walks away, but while he does sneaks a glance at Tsukishima. He has a triumphant smirk plastered across his face, but instead of supreme annoyance Tobio feels a flicker of fondness.

He brushes off the blush creeping up his cheeks as exhaustion from the game.

Your sparkling gaze has me so dizzy My calm and collected intuition’s nowhere to be found, oh

Later that very game, Tobio notices it again. It’s a tight match against Wakutani, but Karasuno pulls through with a 28-26 win. They use the quick that Tobio begrudgingly agrees to, hollering with his senpai when it lands in Wakatani’s court for Karasuno’s winning point.

Tobio gives Tanaka-san a double high-five, then he looks at Tsukishima, who wears a pleased grin on his face, eyes alight with satisfaction.

“Yo,” Tobio says, offering a raised palm.

Tsukishima’s smile drops, but he lifts a hand to match Tobio’s.

Baby baby baby baby baby You crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy

Tobio hits Tsukishima’s hand with a satisfying smack! and when their sweaty palms meet Tobio feels an electrifying shock. He almost gasps, but manages to rein in it when their hands separate.

Tsukishima moves on to high-five Yamaguchi, leaving Tobio to stare at his open palm with confusion.

They’re all in the clubroom dressing back into their school uniforms, except Shouyou’s already finished changing and heading towards the door.

“I’m really sorry!” Shouyou whines. “Really, Tobio, we’ll go together next time, I promise!”

Standing in front of his cubby, Tobio rolls his eyes, waving his boyfriend away. “Yeah, sure, just go get your sister now.”

Shouyou gives him another distressed look but nods nonetheless. He pecks Tobio on the cheek before yelling goodbye to everyone and running out the clubroom. After Shouyou leaves, the other members begin to file out in groups, leaving Tobio and Tsukishima left to lock up as per the third year’s orders.

I’m like a mannequin Just looking at you turns me into a cringe-y mess

Tobio sneaks a peek at Tsukishima standing in front of his own cubby, clad only in his tank top and black uniform pants. He’s even taller than he was last year, his gangly frame now more toned with wiry muscle. When he lifts his arms to slip on his pullover, the tank top bares a strip of milky pale skin just above his hips. Tobio immediately averts his eyes back to his belongings.

They continue to change their clothes in silence. Tobio is normally fine with saying nothing, used to Shouyou’s loud voice filling the space so he and Hitoka don’t have to. For some reason though, he doesn’t like the silence between him and Tsukishima, and feels compelled to say something.

He purses his lips, considering his options. He tries to think of how Shouyou flirts with him, how Hitoka approaches him, if there’s any way he can possibly emulate them to extend some sort of olive branch. He comes up empty except for the one thing he hates doing: complimenting Tsukishima.

No one can stop me From dancing with awkward steps

“Y-you did good today,” he mumbles. He says it so softly he almost hopes that Tsukishima doesn’t hear him.

“What was that?”

Tobio closes his eyes, gently leaning his forehead against the cubby shelf in front of him. He clears his throat when he looks up to meet the other boy’s gaze.

“I said, ‘You did good today.’”

Sometimes, it’s difficult to tell what Tsukishima’s thinking, but now Tobio can see every emotion that passes through his face: shock, doubt, annoyance, the tiniest bit of joy, more shock.

Eventually it settles into its usual smirk. “Well,” Tsukishima croons, putting his hands on his hips, “the King himself is offering me a compliment. What, is it going to snow today too?”

Tobio glares at him, completely regretting everything. He turns back to his cubby with a huff.

“Whatever,” he grumbles. “Forget I said anything.”

Tsukishima chuckles. Tobio thinks he’s going to tease him more about being a “king” in that asshole-way he loves doing, but instead he’s met with silence. This time, Tobio doesn’t bother trying to fill it.

It’s not until the two of them exit the clubroom together, Tsukishima dutifully locking the door, that he whispers, “You too.”

He and Tsukishima are the only ones who show up in the library to study one afternoon. Normally all five of them would be together—often to tutor both him and Shouyou—but Yamaguchi apparently had to help Ennoshita-san with something, and Hitoka and Shouyou are nowhere to be found.

If Tobio had to guess, he thinks his partners are making out in some secluded, dusty corner; he has no idea if they’ll actually show up.

He doesn’t realize he sighs out loud at the thought until Tsukishima says, “What now?”

“Nothing,” he grumbles, scratching down random numbers onto his worksheet.

After a beat, Tsukishima says, “That’s wrong.”

Tobio glares up at him. “What?”

Tsukishima starts going off on a monotone rant about how he’s not going to give Tobio the answer, that Tobio should learn the material himself or else he’s not going to pass his classes again. Tobio hears none of it because he finds himself especially distracted by the way the sunlight filters through the library windows, casting Tsukishima in a partial glow. He looks back down at his homework, narrowing his eyes even more in hopes that his embarrassment doesn’t show.

I can’t help My stiff facial expressions Or the way I walk

When Tsukishima eventually finishes, Tobio huffs. “Whatever.”

Tsukishima rolls his eyes, dragging his chair closer to Tobio’s and coming into his space. Tobio, for some reason, is too stunned to stop it from happening.

“I am not going to do your homework,” Tsukishima says defiantly, “but if we’re the only two people showing up today you should at least get somethingthrough that thick skull of yours.”

Tobio can’t even bark out an annoyed reply because Tsukishima starts leaning over his worksheet. He’s so close that Tobio can feel the other boy’s body heat. He starts to write what looks like complete gibberish, none of which Tobio follows because his heart starts to race like he’s in the middle of a really good volleyball match.

Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb

It’s really weird, to say the least, feeling like this around Tsukishima. Tobio doesn’t know what to make of it so he just continues to glare at Tsukishima’s pencil dancing across his worksheet.

Then he starts to explain what he did, his voice low and somewhat soothing, and Tobio tries to relax because he really should be focusing on his homework.

Somehow, after a particularly calm and understandable explanation, Tobio begins making his way through his problem set.

The drum of my heart The giddy mood I’m in They’re already out of my control

An hour later, Tobio slams his pencil onto the table with a thunk!, raising his math sheet in the air like a trophy.

“I did it!” he says triumphantly, pushing out of his seat to stand up.

Somewhere in the distance, someone shushes him, and he blushes, taking a seat once more.

“Not yet,” Tsukishima deadpans and absolutely ruining his moment.

His hand reaches out for Tobio’s worksheet, and Tobio mumbles death threats under his breath before passing his homework to Tsukishima for corrections. He follows Tsukishima’s eyes rapidly running down the worksheet, and before long he looks up at him with a single brow raised.

“Well?”

Tsukishima hands his homework back. “Not bad, King, you finally did good for once.”

Tobio looks at him with a smug grin, chest puffing out with pride. He’s about to say something when Tsukishima cracks the tiniest of smiles.

Not a smirk either. An actual, genuine smile.

And it’s directed at Tobio.

Tobio’s brain wipes out for the rest of the tutoring session. He barely notices when Hitoka and Shouyou eventually show up dishevelled and unkempt, matching blushes on their cheeks, because he’s too busy thinking about the way Tsukishima smiled at him.

Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb...

The rest of his homework doesn’t get completed that afternoon.

Tobio twists his ankle funny during a practice match against Date Tech. It’s not bad enough to do any lasting damage, but he’s out for the remainder of the match. He’s left to pout on the bench with an icepack Hitoka hands him, their back up first-year setter subbed into the game. The kid’s not bad, Tobio knows, he just rather it’s him on the court making the plays.

He claps his hands twice, calling out Don’t mind! when the gigantic middle blocker (Aone-san, Tobio vaguely remembers) slams a spike in. The teams reset positions for Date Tech’s serve to some first-year Tobio doesn’t know the name of.

The serve messes up, hitting the top of the net, but Nishinoya-san manages to dive for the ball, saving it with his fingertips. The ball flies up at a weird angle towards Tanaka, leaving him no choice but to pass it poorly to Tsukishima.

I dream about romance movies But you have me on the edge of my seat, oh

Tobio expects Tsuksihima to bump the ball over the net, maybe hope that their opponent won’t try to pull any fast plays. Instead, he watches Tsukishima run up, sprinting towards the ball with what looks to be a hard swing. Tobio frowns, glaring at the court—it’s a shit pass (no offense to Tanaka-san), so he has no idea why Tsukishima would bother trying to spike the ball. Date Tech immediately backs up at Tsukishima’s run, calling out to watch for a hard receive.

What is this idiot doing? Tobio wonders.

Tsukishima jumps, arm swinging with rapid speed, only for his palm to lightly tap the volleyball.

“Feint!” someone shouts, but it’s too late. The libero misses the ball.

Baby baby baby baby baby You make me crazy crazy crazy crazy, yeah

“NICE KILL, TSUKISHIMA!” everyone around him begins to yell, and despite himself Tobio hollers the praise along with his teammates.

Tsukishima catches his eye at Tobio’s cheers, flashing the tiniest smile, and he blushes. Before he knows it, the game restarts, ball passed to Hinata for his serve.

Tobio repositions himself on the bench once the next play begins. He didn’t even notice that he got out of his seat.

I’m like a mannequin Just looking at you turns me into a cringe-y mess No one can stop me From dancing with awkward steps

It’s infuriating, really, how stupid Tobio feels.

Tsukishima is the most annoying person he knows. He might be even more annoying than Shouyou, which is terrifying on a whole different level.

You make me crazy Hold on a sec, I wasn’t expecting this Things have been happening so fast since the day I met you

Tsukishima makes him feel exceptionally stupid; he cannot go a day without provoking him somehow; and he literally looks down on him with every centimetre he has over Tobio.

Which is why Tobio is beyond frustrated with himself over his obviously growing crush. It’s the same way he felt—feels—about Shouyou, about Hitoka. He doesn’t know how he got into this ridiculous position, liking another one of his teammates.

You see right through me, ready to start at a moment’s notice Don’t know why I can’t read the vibe The border’s so unclear

“Oi, Your Highness,” Tsukishima calls after him, and Tobio’s heart flutters at Tsukishima’s voice. He hates this so much.

He takes a breath, looking over his shoulder to meet Tsukishima’s gaze. When their eyes meet, he can’t find any words to reply, somehow dumbstruck at how stupidly attractive Tsukishima looks when the light outside envelops him in a soft halo.

“Fine,” he snaps, pulling Tobio out of his thoughts, “don’t talk to me, but practice starts in five.” He leaves with the club door slamming shut behind him.

Tobio drops his head.

He doesn’t know how he’ll survive this.

I had my hopes up but you just keep teasing me Boy, you can’t feel me I’m here next to you hesitating at your smile And before I know it, I lose control

Practice goes by unbearably slow. Tobio is beyond relieved that he doesn’t make a fool out of himself by the time everyone breaks for free practice. He claims the net for himself so he can practice aiming while he sets.

Hitoka passes him a bunch of empty bottles when he asks for them, and after she sets them aside she leans up with her lips puckered. He meets her halfway and bends down for her to reach his cheek despite the fact he’s blushing hard. Receiving affection from both his partners is still weird for him, but it makes them happy, and he likes when they’re happy, so Tobio tries his best to let them dote on him.

“Thanks,” he mumbles, still flushed red.

Hitoka smiles at him in reply before walking away.

Tobio lines up the bottles by the net with practiced ease, and when he stands up he finds his girlfriend talking to Tsukishima at the sidelines. Hitoka easily catches his eyes and beams at him. Tsukishima just looks on with a straight face.

Then, it slowly morphs into his signature smirk.

Tobio wants to kiss the look right off his face.

That was when I went numb You’ll be my sweet love

His teammates continue to beam at him like twin suns illuminating a clear sky. Tobio turns away before he does something embarrassing like trip over the bottles he just lined up.

Shouyou and Yamaguchi are still in the baths, but Tsukishima is already in bed, fiddling with his phone with his headphones on.

Their sleeping mats are next to each other for training camp, and Tobio wants to die. He can easily ask Shouyou to switch places with him, but his idiot boyfriend is as bad as he is at picking up cues and will probably make a big scene asking why. Tobio can’t handle that tonight.

Never apart, whether we’re asleep or awake Walking a fine line between loving and hating you

He sucks up his anguish with a deep breath. He lies down, fluffing his pillow with a hard fist before tucking himself underneath his blanket. He pointedly turns his back to Tsukishima behind him when he pulls the covers up to his chin. Once he’s comfortable, he squeezes his eyes shut, trying to calm his racing heartbeat.

“Good night to you too, King,” Tsukishima says, but the pet name carries none of its usual malice or annoyance. He mumbles it so quietly that Tobio almost misses it.

I stand on my tiptoes with all my might But you treat me like a little kid again, oh

Almost. He smiles.

“Good night.”

I’m just like a robot Rigid because I need some oil My body won’t move It’s almost like I’ve forgotten how to breathe

Everyday, the five of them have lunch together. Tobio and Shouyou usually wait for Hitoka outside of her class, then the three of them meet Tsukishima and Yamaguchi in their class since they can push their desks together.

Tobio lets his partners know he’s running late, telling them not to wait and that he’ll meet up later. He checks the time on his phone, and when he realizes he doesn’t want to waste more time, he goes into a brisk walk down the hallway.

Unfortunately (or not), for some reason Tsukishima is there too.

He catches the unmistakable backside of an unfairly tall blond, ears covered by trademark white headphones.

Tobio knows he often doesn’t have time alone with Tsukishima, and because his crush is clearly here to stay, he sucks in a deep breath and catches up to him.

“Tsukishima!” he calls, jogging to his side.

Tsukishima turns to look at him with ever-judgemental eyes, but he pulls back his headphones, resting them on his neck.

“What do you want?”

Tobio frowns, glaring up at him. “I just wanted to walk next to you—is that illegal?”

Tsukishima rolls his eyes, not offering anything more. Tobio grunts, looking away. This was a stupid idea, he realizes.

“Well, what are you late for?” Tsukishima asks once they’re halfway to the classroom.

Tobio holds back a gasp, coolly answering, “Had to stay behind to talk to sensei.”

“About what?” Tsukishima furrows his brows at him. “You’re doing fine in your classes aren’t you? Or else all our tutoring is a waste.”

Tobio rolls his eyes. “I just had a question about the assignment, douchebag. I'm not failing.”

Tsukishima scoffs a laugh. “And isn’t that just a miracle?”

“Asshole.”

“Get better insults.”

“Maybe once you have better receives.”

“Shut up.”

They go back and forth in comfortable banter all the way to Tsukishima’s class, where their respective partners are waiting for them at their usual spot. Hitoka spots them first, waving them over.

“Tsukishima-kun! Tobio-kun!” she calls. “Over here!”

Tobio is a little sad to have their alone time end so soon. He slides into his seat with an internal sigh.

Usually, Shouyou and Hitoka like to sit next to each other; Tobio is fine sitting next to Yamaguchi opposite them; and Tsukishima takes the end seat at the short side of the tables. Today though, Tobio is pleasantly surprised when Tsukishima takes the seat next to him, making Yamaguchi scoot to the end where he normally sits.

I can’t help My stiff facial expressions Or the way I walk Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb

The other three give them knowing looks, but neither he nor Tsukishima say anything.

Tobio eats his bento with a blush on high on his cheeks.

Shouyou tells him to stop messing around with Tsukishima and ask him out already, so Tobio worries for almost a week trying to figure out how to confess to him.

Turns out it’s a waste because Yamaguchi and Tsukishima corner him after practice one day.

No one else is in the gym, aside from Hitoka and Shouyou discussing something at the entrance, and Tobio glares at his two teammates before him.

The drum of my heart The giddy mood I’m in They’re already out of my control Dumb dumb dumb dumb

“What?” he demands.

After a painful silence, Yamaguchi elbows Tsukishima in the side.

“Ow, Yamaguchi!”

“Not sorry, Tsukki,” he says. “Now tell Kageyama what you told me.”

Tsukishima glares at him. “You’re the worst boyfriend.”

“I am the best boyfriend,” Yamaguchi clarifies, “and you are avoiding the subject.”

The two of them return their attention back to Tobio with eerie coordination.

“You’re-you’re not that bad,” Tsukishima finally mutters, looking Tobio in the eyes. A blush blooms high on his cheeks.

Tobio frowns. What the hell is that supposed to mean?

“So?” He crosses his arms; he doesn’t have all day for this.

“He’s trying to say that he likes you,” Yamaguchi supplies with a grin.

Tobio’s stomach flips. “Oh.”

When he doesn’t add anything else, Tsukishima glares at him. “Is that all you’re going to say?”

“Well, yeah.” Tobio glares back. It’s not like Tsukishima said he liked him—Yamaguchi was the one to translate things for Tobio, so what could he possibly reply?

Tsukishima rolls his eyes. “Jeez, you suck at rejecting people.”

“And you suck at confessing.” He frowns, lip jutting out. “Besides, who said I was rejecting you?” He tilts his chin up defiantly, unfolding his arms to rest his hands on his hips.

Tsukishima rolls his eyes again. “Can you maybe not be a vague idiot?”

“Maybe you can learn to speak like a normal person.”

“That’s rich coming from you, Mr. I-Almost-Failed-English-Again.”

“Shut up, asshole!”

Tsukishima scoffs. “Maybe I should take my confession back.”

Tobio growls. “Was it even a confession? Yamaguchi was the one to say it for you.”

“Jeez, shut up and kiss already!”

Tobio doesn’t register Shouyou shouting because someone pushes him onto Tsukishima, and someone else pushes Tsukishima onto him, then they tumble into each other and their mouths meet in an awkward liplock.

Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Dumb dumb dumb dumb...

They both gasp, eyes wide at the kiss, and Tobio immediately pushes himself away.

“Shit, sorry, I –”

Tobio doesn’t finish his sentence because Tsukishima cuts him off with another kiss—more purposeful, even softer. This time, Tobio sinks into it, eyes fluttering closed.

They break apart when Shouyou yells, “Finally!”

Tobio whips around to scowl at him. “Dumbass! Did you push me onto him?”

Shouyou’s responding laughter when he runs away is all the answer Tobio needs. He’s about to pummel his boyfriend into next week when Tsukishima grabs his hand.

“So.”

“So?”

Tsukishima looks away from Tobio’s gaze to sheepishly stare at their joined hands. Tsukishima’s other hand scratches at his neck. It’s almost unbelievable how cute Tobio finds that.

“Are we dating or not?” he finally asks.

Tobio steps into his space, pressing his chest against Tsukishima’s. When the other boy finally looks at him he leans up to press their lips together.

“Yeah,” he whispers, “we’re dating.”

They break apart again because Yamaguchi starts cheering. Tsukishima doesn’t say a word before hunting down his freckled boyfriend, and Tobio smiles after them before sprinting away to teach his own idiot a lesson.

Baby, dumb I must be... oh!

#kagetsukki #kagetsuki #tsukikage #tsukkikage #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#hq!!#kagehinayachi #tsukkiyama #yamatsukki #kagehinatsukkiyamayachi #Karasuno #nanowrimo 2018 #week 2 #writing convention #songfic #slash #jercy's fic tag

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rennyispissed · 5 years ago

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Democrats need to learn to agree on something for once

Watching the news every day and I’m just so heartbroken to watch every democratic candidate take every moment they can to tear down their allies. To me, this is the exact reason why someone like Trump can win, and if they can’t figure this out then he will win again, and everyone loses.

The Republicans may be neo-nazi monsters bent on suppressing every other group and race in the world, but they are coordinated. The majority of them agree with each other, defend each other, and all have the same horrifically despotic goals, but fuck sakes it’s hard to get any one of them to cast stones at each other, and it makes their party easy to support for the people who want to. it’s easy for them to pick a candidate because they can all agree on one dude to take it. it’s easy for them to get the votes they need because they don’t spend all of their time bickering and fighting each other constantly. The democratic candidates on the other hand will settle for nothing less than absolute purity, and it’s going to fuck everyone. Oh that guy once said a thing 20 years again that today is racist. Oh that lady backed One bill that had some far reaching consequences that puts a minority at risk. oh that one said something that could be considered offensive to some groups if taken out of context 3 years ago. Oh that one was married to a guy that had an affair and even his wife doesn’t care anymore. No one wants to at the very fucking least just get someone who isn’t A FUCKING WHITE SUPREMACIST CORPORATE SHITHEAD OUT OF OFFICE with any level of compromise. Jesus christ how dumb does everyone have to be to not realize that the longer everyone decides to fight over not being 100% correct they will continue to lose to the coordinated efforts of the people that supress them this entire time?

LEARN TO COMPROMISE. JUST A LITTLE. LIKE HOLY FUCK. I like Bernie sanders but the constant torpedoeing between him and Hillary is what fucked everyone, and now we have 24 fucking candidates trying to compete against each other?! and every single time I find any of them in the news it’s because one of them is slinging shit at the other? good fucking god PICK ONE. ANY ONE.

Joe Biden once had to cooperate with rascists 20 fuckin years ago? WELL HE’S AT LEAST NOT ACTIVELY CALLING MINORITIES RAPISTS AND MURDERERS IN PUBLIC. Bernie Sanders is eccentric and pushing some kind of unbelievable goals? WELL AT LEAST THOSE GOALS HAVE YOUR INTEREST IN MIND INSTEAD OF ACTIVELY TAKING AWAY YOUR FREEDOM AND YOUR SAFETY. Kamala Harris has a spotty history on law enforcement and legal matters? WELL AT LEAST SHE’S NOT ACTIVELY INVOLVED IN MOB ACTIVITY AND COURTING KNOWN CRIMINALS. Holy Fuck. Why is this so hard? Figure out what’s most important, Get that fucker going. You can fight for further security at another time but right now you have to stop this insanity, and fighting each other for scraps is just going to destroy everyone.

#2020 #elections #democrats #democratic elections #kamala harris #bernie sanders #Joe Biden #wake the fuck up #would you rather imperfect peace #or complete and utter subjugation #all because you wanted all or nothing #and were too stubborn or stupid to compromise at the most important time.

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moonlightobrien · 6 years ago

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The Worst Day - Stallison {THG}

Word Count; 4184

Warnings: swearing, semi violence (I guess.)

Characters: allison argent/stiles stilinski.

Authors Note: ohmygod! i finally finally finished the first chapter, it took me the entire day to finish this chapter. One day, and 9 hours to be exact haha. This chapter/series is dedicated to @obrjens, @mischiefandi, and every stallison stans that are out there. I’m beyond happy that this is finally written and planned out. More chapters are coming, I don’t know when the next chapter will be since I am busy with work, and editing. But, I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and get some stallison feels while you are at it!

Allison’s POV

District 15.

The district of landscaping, where my people including my sister, my mom and I have to work our asses off to even get some food in our systems. Panem is divided into 15 districts, I’ve heard stories of District 13 being the ‘unknown district’ but I’ve never fully went in depth with these stories. Sometimes, I would cross over to District 14 to see different scenery instead of my own. But, today was a different day for me and the rest of the districts. It was hunger games day, the worst day of every year, where one tribute from each district is chosen to be in the hunger games until one is standing, hearing about the fallen tributes makes me sick to my stomach, my heart aches for the fallen tributes and their parents. No one deserves to be living like this, how can anyone live like this. Thinking about the hunger games, and how close the bell for the tributes to go to the Hall of Justice building terrifies me. Especially, for my family.

Caesar Fickerman, and the gamemaster himself Seneca Crane was doing a interview on how he was going to corrupt this year Hunger Games, and how this year is going to be different than the last games. “I think it’s our tradition, it comes out of a particularity painful part of our history,”

“Yes,” Caesar agreed. “But, it’s been a way we’ve been able to heal, at first it was a reminder of the rebellion, it was a price of the districts had to pay, but I think it has grown all from that, netting us all together.”

“This is your third year’s game, what defines your personal situation?”

“NO, NO,” Nicole screamed in horror, her body wrapped into my chest, and arms. “It’s okay, you were dreaming, you were dreaming,” I tried to calm her down, as I can feel her heart increase rapidly, “It was me,” Her soft cries breaks my heart, “I know, there are so many names in there, Nicole, they are not going to pick you.” Nicole whispers in my ear, which I already know what she wants me to do. Our father died in a mining accident, but when I was younger, he would sing me this song that stuck in my memory forever, I deeply deeply miss him. “Deep in the meadow, under the willow, a bed of grass as soft green pillow.” Nicole and I both sang in unison.

“You remember that song, you finish it for me. I have to go.”

“Where?” Nicole curiously asked, “I just have to go, but I will be back. Love you.” I walked downstairs, wrapping my jacket around my shoulders as I can hear the cat hissing at me that Nicole found, “I still cook you,” Then, I left. My legs starts to pick up some speed, as my amber eyes starts looking around the scenery, the people, how we have to live like we are slaves. Other districts thinks this is a paradise since we are the district of landscaping, but this is definitely not paradise. My body went under the barbed wire as my feet took me to my favorite place; the woods. The woods is the most peaceful place where I can escape my thoughts about the horrifying hunger games.

I grab my bow and arrow, searching for something eatable for my family to have for dinner. I spot a deer five miles away from me, I began to pull my arrow towards my cheek, aiming correctly to shoot until the deer figured out what I was about to do, and sprint away. My feet started to follow his movements really quickly, I start to ravel some leaves in my palms crunching them letting the crumbled leaves flow in the wind, as well as grabbing a small rock popping it off my bow making the deer flee, I start to follow the deer again, this time, I got a really good aim on it; I start to pull my arrow back. “What are you going to do with that when you kill it?” Shit, I missed. “Damn you, Kira. It’s not funny.” Kira and I have been best friends since childhood, our mothers knew each other back when things in Panem was normal. “What are you going to do with a 100 pound deer, Alls.” Kira laughed. “I was going to sell it to a Peacemaker, and at least get some money out of it, since this place can’t even afford a dime to get some food in our stomachs.” The thought of food made her stomach growl begging for something to eat. “I wouldn’t sell anything to those assholes, especially since the games are coming up,” I roll my eyes, but at the same time Kira is right about those peacekeepers being assholes, our president is a evil, cruel son of a bitch. “Like, you don’t sell to any peacekeepers,” My eyes scan to Kira’s bag seeing that she had her kitsune sword, instead of her bow and arrow that gave her for her 16th birthday, I wish that Panem was back to the way it was before, yet I realized that it was never normal, it was always the same. “No, not today, did I mentioned that the hunger games were today.” I chuckled, “Well, it was the first deer I saw in a year, at least I would’ve had something for dinner, but someone had to ruin my plans.”

“You’re welcome,” A smirk slowly started to appear on her face, she grabbed a rock throwing it in the air, birds started to scatter flying upward, I start to pull my arrow near my cheek realising my arrow quickly hitting one of the birds, and laughed. “Let’s go to our favorite spot,” Kira spoked, giving me a smile. Kira and I start walking towards our favorite spot where it was a view of the mountains, Kira spotted it when we were eight years old, sometimes I would go there at night just to clear my head from everything, mostly my thoughts; how my thoughts can take over me, making me terrified of what the outcomes will be. “What if they stopped watching? It’s disgusting, watching and rooting for our favorite tributes; I can only imagine what their parents feel, seeing their kids in that area. Absolutely, cruel.”

“They won’t, Kira. You know how our president is. A absolute shithead. Sometimes, I wonder if or when our lives will be back to ours, instead of being in the hands of someone who doesn’t give a fuck about us,” Kira can hear the anger in my voice, she knows how much I hate the Capital, how much I want to destroy everyone, and everything in that place including the President. “We could do it, you know? Take off in the mountains, go somewhere else where we don’t have to deal with any of this.”

“They’re catch us, cut off our tongues, make us sit on electric chairs, or worse. I can’t even think of worse. We wouldn’t even make it five miles from here.” Kira ignored that comment, she was always the hopeful one, which I’m glad that I have as a best friend, I need some hope in my life. “No, we will get five miles, I will go that way.” She points near the mountains view, my brain actually started to put that into consideration, but it was a long shot, very impossible. “I have Nicole, and you have your sisters.”

“They can come with us,” Kira replied. “Nicole in the woods?” I replied back with sarcasm in my voice. “You’re probably right, oh my god. I almost forget,” She pulls out a little loaf of bread, my stomach instantly begged for it, “Oh my god, is this real?” My fingers immediately grabs it, I put it up to my nostrils smelling that delicious flavor of yeast and dough, it smelled so good. “It better be, it cost me a squirrel.” I ripped off a piece for her, so we can both savor it; most of the time, it’s either hunting or no food for the day which is usually the case, those are the worst days; even the littlest bits of food is worth it. “Happy Hunger Games,” Kira mocked, “And, may the odds be in your favor,” We love mocking the Capital, at least it will give us some laughter; Panem is very depressing, so a little bit of laughter makes me somewhat happier than I was before. “How many times is your name been drawn?” I asked, praying to god that it is none. “35, I guess the odds are not in my favor,” I look at her with saddened eyes, Kira is like a sister to me, and the thought of her entering the area makes my heart drop into my stomach, I can’t bear to lose another person in my life. Especially, her. “I better get going, Nicole is waiting on me, and I have to get ready for the Reaping, see you there.”

“See you there.”

The Reaping; where all the tributes from their districts all sign in, and get lined up in front of the Hall of Justice to see if their name was drawn to be forced into the Hunger Games. Some of the kids that I went to school with died in that area, and some survived. More died than others survived. It devastates me seeing little kids like Nicole’s age go into something so real, and so dangerous without proper skill training, the anger I feel everytime I see our president, it boils me to the core, makes me feel like I am on fire, and it’s scorching high nonstop. Before, I go home, I decided to go over to the Black Market to trade off something for a bag of marbles, we don’t really have that many toys or items to keep us occupied, “Here you go, girl.” My eyes scan over to this golden pin that is so beautiful, “What’s this?” I questioned. “It’s a mockingjay pin,”

“How much?”

“You keep it,” Usually, I have to buy or sometimes, beg for items for my family, which sucks but I have to do it in order to survive, “Thank you,” Then, I left heading back home.

“Mom?” Nicole always felt like our mom didn’t pay enough attention to her, it was only me. She turns around facing Nicole, “Oh, look at you. You look beautiful, better tuck in that tail, little duck.” Nicole smiled at my complaint, but I know she still feels like a outcast ever since Dad died. “I fix something for you too,” My mother spoked, her voice was breaking; she is still grieving my father, “Okay,” I replied back with a smile towards Nicole, going upstairs to take a quick bath.

I start scrubbing my toes feeling the hot water on my skin making me warm since there were months where we didn’t get any heat, and we rely on blankets to keep us from frostbite. I lift the bucket dumping the water on my face, making me wake up; focused on what is about to happen. Preparing me for the consequences and the fear of everything that is about to come. I step out of the bath bucket, walking over to my room seeing a light blue dress on my bed. My fingers eagerly grabs the dress pulling it over my body, looking at myself in the mirror until my mother comes in, putting my hair into a long braid, “Now, you look beautiful too.”

“I wish I looked like you,” Nicole said from behind, my mom had this hurt look on her face, she knows that it kills her seeing Nicole being very insecure, “Aw, no. I wish I was like you, little duck.” Then, the most terrifying sound that rattles my ears was the bell, Nicole knew what that meant. “Hey, do I want to see what I got you today?” I show her a golden pin with a bird on it, it was absolutely gorgeous in her eyes, and she smiled brightly. “It’s a mockingjay pin to protect you, as long as you hold on to it, nothing bad will ever happened to you.” I instantly pull her into a hug, our bodies colliding into each other, I can feel tears welling up into my eyes, this is the last time I’m going to see her, I have no idea what is going to happen, but I have to be strong, I have to be brave, even though right now I am scared to death.

It’s time, all of the families hug their children for the last time if they ever going to see them again; all the girls and boys hold hands with their sisters and brothers heading over to Hall of Justice, Nicole, my mother, and I started to head over there until my sister startled with fear as she sees peacekeepers, and a line of girls and boys being signed in. I tried to calm her down, “It’s okay, Nicole. It’s time to sign in, they are just going to take a little bit of blood,”

“You didn’t say-”

“I know, it doesn’t hurt much.” I put my hand on her cheeks as I see the tears flowing down her face, she was so scared, I hate it when she is in pain or scared out of her mind, it makes my heart crumble, she doesn’t deserve this; she is only a child. “Go over to the little kids section, and I will meet you there alright.”

“Next, next.” Nicole finally budge giving the peacekeeper her finger, she startled out of the shock, placing her fingerprint on the paper as the peacekeeper sees that it was actually her on the screen with green letters highlighted. It was my turn, but I was more concerned about Nicole, it did stung a little, and then the peacekeeper left me through. My amber honey eyes started to look around for Nicole, but I couldn’t find her until I see Josh who was my long time childhood friend, we haven’t seen each other in forever until now. “You okay?” He mouthed.

I nodded.

“Welcome, welcome, welcome. Happy Hunger Games, and may the odds be ever in your favor, now before we began, we have a very special film brought to you all the way from the Capital.” Yeah, what a wonderful special film, thanks Capital. “War, terrible war.” Josh mouthed, I chuckled. “War, terrible war, with those orphan and motherless child. This was the uprising that brought us our land, the country that fed them, protected them. Then came the peace, hard fought, soley won; the people rose up from the ashes and a new era was born. The freedom has a cost, and the traitors were defeated. Peace, War as a nation, we would never know this treason again, and so it was decreed that each year, the various districts of Panem would offer up in tribute. One young man and woman to fight to the death,” Anger raising up in my bones, it was a wildfire inside of me, a monster that wanted to be uncaged from hearing the President’s voice, my eyes looked all around to see all the kids looking up at the screen from this cruel so called special film, “And, it peg you to honor, courage and sacrifice- the lone victor will bathe in riches, will serve as our reminder of our generosity, and our forgiveness. This is how we remember our past, this is how we safeguard our future.”

“I just love that,” She cheerly smiles, “Now, the time has come to select one courageous young man and woman for the honor of representing District 15 in the 78th Hunger Games, as usual, ladies first.” Effie goes over to the left bowl twirling her hand, grabbing the slip of paper, she starts unfolding it, “Nicole Argent,” She was so scared when she heard her name. No, no no. This is a nightmare, wake up, Allison. Wake up. “Where are you?” The kids start to make a pathway for her to come forward, she tucks in her little tail. “Well, come on up. Come on up.”

“Nicole, nicole.” The peacekeepers tried to hold me down, but I was fighting back; I’m not letting my sister enter the area, “No, I VOLUNTEER, I VOLUNTEER,” I pushed the peacekeepers away from me looking up straight at them, “I volunteer as tribute!” I shouted. I just couldn’t bear the thought of Nicole entering that area. “I believe we have a volunteer, um Mr.Mayor?” I immediately wrap my arms around Nicole’s body, “Nicole, you need to get out of here.”

“No! No! No!” She started shouting, “Go find Mom,” My voice was shaky, “No!”

“Nicole, go find Mom,” Tears started to flow down my eyes, “No!” She wouldn’t let go, but I had to do this, “I’m so sorry,” Josh came scooping Nicole into his arms, as I can hear the screams from Nicole, I wiped the tears away trying to be strong. “This isn’t me,” I spoked, confidently. The peacekeepers started to take me up to the stage, as my mind started to race, and my heart beating very fast as I realise that right now, my life is on my line, and if I die, it was for my district. “In mad of turn of events here on District 15, yes well, District 15 very first volunteer.”

I made it up towards the stage, I’m scared to death right now, my hands won’t stop shaking. My heart is beating really fast like I am having a panic attack, oxygen levels are increasing rapidly as the walls start to close in on me, like I can’t even breathe. I was drowning. “Come on, dear.”

“What’s your name?” She asked, pulling the microphone towards me, “Allison Argent.”

“I bet my hat that was your sister, wasn’t it?”

“Yes,” My voice sounded crushed, my life is now in their hands, and that’s the most terrifying thing ever. “Let’s give a big hand to our first volunteer, Allison Argent.” It was only silence until hands with three fingers started to rise up, which means togetherness. A tear flowed down my cheek seeing how strong our district really is. “And, now for the boys.” Effie walks over to the right bowl instantly grabbing a slip of paper for the boys section, she starts unfolding it. Don’t call Josh, please don’t say his name. “Stiles Stilinski.” My eyes instantly lit up remembering that name, the peacekeepers start to bring him up to the stage, “Here we are, our tributes from District 15, well go on you two shake hands.” I look at his golden amber eyes like mine remembering that day where it was the first feeding in months.

[ FLASHBACK }

I was starving so much, there was no food in days; my body was giving up on me slowly, it was raining outside, my back against the tree as I look over at the bakery where Stiles and his mom owned, he comes out about to feed the pigs, until his mother comes out giving him a slap on the face for disobeying her; she leaves as Stiles throws a piece of bread to the pig, then he looks at me, seeing how I was on the verge of dying because of how incredibly hungry I was. He then looks back to make sure his mother doesn’t see, then throws the burned loaf of bread out into the rain.

Then, Stiles and I hands intertwined with eachother as I felt a little spark between us, I brushed it off, I can’t think about my feelings right now; all I can think about is how I’m going to survive this year’s hunger games. “Happy Hunger Games, and may be the odds be ever in your favor.” Then, the peacekeepers took Stiles and I inside of the building, my eyes started to look around seeing everything fastly, until one of the peacekeeper places me into a room, I look back at Stiles until the peacekeeper shuts the door, and I wait for my family. I look out at the window, trying to come up with a way to survive, but every obstacle or possible outcome is to kill people, the other districts, which I can’t be. I can’t be a killer. What would Nicole think of me then. I won’t be the same person I am to her. How am I going to survive this. I start pacing back and forth until I hear footsteps coming towards the door, “You have three minutes,” Nicole instantly hugged me, crying her eyes out. “Ssh, you are going to be okay, I don’t have enough time. Nicole, listen to me, don’t take any extra money for food. That doesn't worth putting your name more times. Nicole, listen to me, Josh will bring you game, he stuck cheese from your goat.”

“Just try to win as best as you can,” Her voice was shaky, as tears went down her cheeks making my heart break into pieces. “Maybe, I can. I am smart you know?”

“You can hunt.”

“Exactly,” It was hard seeing her like this, but I will protect her with my life even if I have to risk my own life, “To protect you.” She hands me the mockingjay pin, I tried to fight back the tears, I can’t be weak. I have to be strong for Nicole. “Thank you.” I tug her into one last hug giving her a kiss on her forehead, I then look over at my mother walking towards her. “You can’t shut off again.”

“I won’t.” As much as I want to believe her, I can’t risk it. She is the only person for Nicole, and when she shut down, it was frustrating yet devastating seeing her like that. “No, you can’t. I won’t be here for her, and no matter what, you have to be there for her, you understand?”

“Don’t cry,” I instantly wrapped my arms around her neck pulling her into a hug since this is the last time we are going to see each other.Tears started to form in my eyes, stop crying Allison; this isn’t you. “Don’t cry, don’t.” My voice sounded like I was going to break, but I just can’t. “It’s time,” The peacekeepers started to pull Nicole away from me, “It’s okay, Nicole.” She wouldn’t let go of my side, “No!” but the Peacekeepers pulled her off of me, “I promise, Nicole.” Then, the door was slammed shut, I slowly walked up to it, giving it a tug to open it then close. I tried to open it again, but it wouldn’t shut until Josh and Kira comes in. They both pull me in for a group hug, I can hear the soft cries from Kira, I pull away from them. “I’m fine,” In reality, I wasn’t. “I know, listen to me; you are stronger than this, you are. Get to a bow.”

“They might not one,” I was so scared, this is actually happening to me. I’ve never thought that this will happen to me, but it is. “It doesn’t matter, Allison. They just want a good show, that’s all they want; if they don’t have one, you make one.” Kira added. “They’re not animals, we are actually talking about actual humans,”

“They are no different, Allison.” How can Josh say that, I can’t do this. I can’t actually kill these human beings, I’m not like this. “There are only 24 of us, only one survives.” I started to shake filled with panic, and fear in my eyes. “It’s going to be you, Alls.” Kira hugged me really quick until the peacekeepers came in; I quickly hugged them both then the peacekeepers finally took them away from me, shutting the door in front of me. Couple of minutes, the peacekeepers takes Stiles and I towards the truck, Effie started to talk to both of us- neither of us weren’t paying attention as my thoughts started to come together on how I’m going to kill these people, and once again; survive. I shouldn’t be thinking about how to kill these people, because I don’t know if I can; my fingers started to shake again. “Allison, are you okay?” Stiles looked over seeing my shaky hands, very concerned, Effie looks over at them as well, “Are you okay, dear?”

“I’m fine,” That’s what my outside is telling you, inside; I am absolutely terrified, and I don’t think I will ever stop being terrified. We got to the tributes train, as the door opens - my eyes were so shocked seeing all of these delicious foods in front of me. I’ve never seen so many delicious foods in front of me before. The three of us all walk in, and my eyes started to scan all around taking everything all at once. This is it.

It’s finally happening.

I’m in the hunger games.

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