#instead because it's more fun than messaging my therapist

[starrydyke]

just discovered that rainer maria rilke was a man from the 1800s??? brb i'm rearranging my brain

[baenyth]

First Half of Miraculous Season 2 Done. Here's my thoughts:

The Collector: A pretty good start! They made the teens smart while still being dumb teens!

Despair Bear: Chloe needs a therapist, arguably moreso than a redemption arc and especially a downward villainous spiral. Also Dangit Grandpa

Prime Queen: Wow, this was a lot more chill than expected. Even Cat Noir was left aghast at what Nadja was doing, Nadja seemed to be pressuring Ladybug and Cat Noir more for views than anything else, and I'm not entirely sure Akuma personalities can be trusted.

Befana: Fun fact: This was the episode that got me into Miraculous in the first place because of how shocking it was. And then I discovered even more. In hindsight from watching the other episodes, it was relatively darker, but mostly because it's Marinette's friends and family that are getting G-rated killed instead of random civilians like every other episode.

Riposte: Kagami is here! I don't see too much chemistry with her and Adrien yet, but she's cool and I like her and feel like I could be friends in real life. Also this feels like a relatively uncommon trope, but I wish "X is blatantly a woman but no one notices" was spedran through by someone with brains.

Robustus: Pretty good, all things considered. From what I've heard about Miraculous lore, creating sapient or at the very least semi-sapient AI isn't that uncommon for weirdness hotspots, and I'm putting Max in the list of characters I think should have figured out Ladybug and Cat Noir's identity. (There's four now!)

Gigantitan: It turns out my favorite parts of Miraculous are the slice-of-life bits instead of the superhero bits the show is about! We got to see more of Marinette's friends! Alix! Mylene! Julie! The Eeby Deeby herself! Also it was really sweet to see Adrien's bodyguard calm down just by looking at the kid. Adrien's true daddy.

Dark Owl: No wonder these two aren't allowed to know eachothers' identities, considering how much of a loose tongue Marinette has!

Glaciator: Alright, it's finally time to talk about the sins of Marinette and Cat Noir, considering the fan content I osmosed before watching the series was heavy salt stuff, and I wanna see how much it holds up. So far Cat Noir has acted as if he's already dating Ladybug previously, and in this episode he got mad at Ladybug for not showing up at a date when she herself said she might not come due to having other plans. Isn't he supposed to be used to not-showing-up disappointment as Adrien due to his dad? Is it different because he's Cat Noir? Is this a breaking point? No matter, he eventually calms down and is ultimately the less bad member of the relationship. Marinette, meanwhile, doesn't have as many misdemeanors to her name but they're a lot worse. She stole Adrien's phone to get rid of an embarrassing message and got away with it too, what the hell, and also owns the schedule. Although I don't believe she stalked Adrien and made it herself due to how busy she is as both Marinette and Ladybug, that's just weird and wrong. I'm reluctant to call her a stalker, but her actions are still wrong. Ultimately, this relationship is going to need a lot of therapy and counseling to not crash and burn. What were we talking about again? Oh yeah. The ice cream episode. I think the ice cream guy can be wrong and he doesn't understand that.

Sapotis: Silly little fun episode, also it introduces the first new Miraculous holder! I'm honestly fine with it so far if it means more screentime for side characters. I honestly really like seeing Marinette's classmates. They're neat. Also I was this close to putting Alya on the list but she proves time and time again that she doesn't actually know Ladybug's identity.

Gorizilla: In this episode we are introduced to Adrien's deranged parasocial fanbase. I'm starting to understand some of his father's decisions at this point. This is what I was talking about with the schedule, by the way. These obsessive stalker creeps make Marinette look reasonable, and I wouldn't be surprised if the one guy who I'm pretty sure becomes Party Crasher discreetly stalked Adrien to get his schedule. Restraining orders need to be filed.

Captain Hardrock: One of the funniest episodes, up there with Dark Cupid. Also Luka is here! And he already has great chemistry with Marinette! And more Rosie and Julie content even if it's crumbs!

[ach-sss-no]

Things I do if i'm stuck on a WIP

I keep seeing memes about people fighting with their WIPs so maybe you could use some handy weapons?

Some of these are passed around pretty often, but they're in here again because I personally found them useful, as opposed to the common advice I see passed around that has never helped me whatsoever, also, you never know when it's someone's first time seeing something or when it might be worded in a way that makes it more understandable.

Some of these are more useful when you have some options for how to proceed with your story but can't decide on one, and won't be as helpful if you can see no way to proceed.

These are intended primarily for writing and many don't really have other applications I can think of, but some of these strategies should also work for any creative thing you're trying to do that is not progressing in the way you want it to.

Disclaimer: Sometimes none of these work. Good luck!

CRIPES, I'm Stuck

Complain

Tell someone (or pretend to tell someone) who does not know the inner workings of your story all about your story problem in as much detail as you can articulate. The more detail the better, including what events led up to this point and what you want to achieve going forward. Go all the way back to what the main premise is, even. When I do this I often end up figuring out the problem while I am describing it and never even send the message, which is why this can be an imaginary conversation if input from another human is not desired and/or available for whatever reason. You can also tell your problems to your cat, dog, tarantula, or Pokémon team! BONUS: Those things are all cheaper than a therapist!

Randomize

If you have multiple ideas for how to go forward and are paralyzed because you can see no greater or lesser value in any of them, great news! The machine can be trusted! (Disclaimer: The machine cannot be trusted) Go to random.org and use the list randomizer to scramble your potential plot options. Pick the one on top. If you realize you're unhappy with it, examine why. Whatever reason why you've decided you don't like that option after all will help guide you towards what you should be doing instead.

Got any kind of two option yes/no, pass/fail, success/disaster question? Flip a coin! This can be done digitally if you don't have coins lying around (I usually don't myself).

There is also the tried and true method of dice-rolling, which can also be done via app if you don't have dice of the desired type or you've lost yours.

Really stuck? Showrunner's challenge.

Iterate

This is both the least efficient one and the thing I do the most often. Writing a scene? Not sure how it should go? Just write different versions of it until something sticks.

Every time you feel unhappy with the scene, back up to the point that led to whatever you're not jiving with, cut it, and start over from there. I recommend saving all of your different versions so you can reconsider or do some horrific Frankenstein cut-and-paste later.

Like I said: horrendously inefficient. it doesn't have to be pretty... it just has to exist.

Play

Go do something else totally unrelated to writing. Just go do something else you enjoy. Just take a break. Your brain may actually fix your story problem when you ignore it and let it run in the background, and if it doesn't, you get a break. No downside! Chances are, you've heard that before. I'm telling you again because I so often fall prey to the 'but my break will be more satisfying if I fix the problem first' well, it's not getting fixed and I am not equipped to fix it right now or it would be fixed already, so it's break time now.

Work on another project that seems more fun to you at the moment. Battering your head against your current WIP because you think you "should" work on it instead of whatever shinier idea is in your head is probably not helping you progress on that project. Working on something else as a treat may jog your brain to unstuck you from your main idea, and if not, it will lead to a new creative product existing, and even if it never gets finished, you've tricked yourself into thinking art is fun again. No downside!

There's nothing wrong with adding [placeholderlmao] and going on to a part of the story you like better. In fact, knowing what happens later may help you fix the problem point (assuming you don't already know because you either don't work from an outline, or your story has diverged so wildly from the outline that it's not helpful anymore)

Edit

Depending on the length of your project and whether you have already declared parts of it off-limits this may not apply; but if you don't want to go forward right now, it may be a good time to go back and edit what you already have written. Sometimes when I do this I will see a stray idea I mentioned earlier that I can follow up on now, and that gives me a new path forward. I'll also sometimes discover that, while my current story problem is manifesting at my sticking point, the cause of it happened much earlier and needs to be addressed farther back in the story (and once that's done I'm not stuck anymore!) Just like pulling crabgrass out by the roots.

Did you have an outline that has stopped tracking with your story? Maybe you should go look at that outline and revise it to the new version, or at least remind yourself of what you thought was important to put in it. If nothing else, doing this should help you think differently about your story.

Steal

That's right! There are millions on billions of stories out there. Just like infinitely variable humans are built upon skeletons that look very similar, your story is uniquely yours, but its underlying structure probably follows a pattern that other stories with similar goals have used since human communication began. So go look up a story you enjoy that includes a similar scene to the one you're struggling with, and look at what it did to fix the problem you're having. Chances are, there's a way to map that onto your story while keeping your version unique, or at least you can get some helpful hints. Do expand beyond the medium you're working in. There's a lot that novels/movies/games/etc do differently, but basic story beats and interactions between characters are pretty consistent things across anything that's telling a story. If I'm looking for a model for a scene, I always look for something with a similar plot, theme or character dynamic that I thought was done well.

Alternately, do you know of a story that tried to do what you're doing and failed spectacularly? Go look closely at that and see why it's not working. Then ask yourself how those problems could have been avoided. The solution you arrive at may apply to your story as well, or at least lead in the right direction. Alternately-alternately: Do it wrong on purpose for the fun of it and fix it later (or don't fix it later)

Just have no ideas? Hang out with stories with the vibes you want until something clicks. When I was doing this fancomic, I watched The Emperor's New Groove a lot.

Well, there you go. If you think I missed something- which I absolutely did, because the creative process is very individual and there are some highly successful things I never, ever do and can't speak on because I am restricting myself to things I have personally done and found helpful-

-please add it on to this post, and make it longer and longer until no one is ever stuck on a WIP ever again (✿◡‿◡) because they are all too busy reading this infinitely long post to start any projects!

[mitamicah]

Just some transmasc news about this transmasc dude trying to get help with some transmasc things

TLDR; 

1) I still don’t know when I can start hrt and I might not know for months (which in turn means that I might still be declined or only get started on t in late 2024 or early 2025).

2) I’m thinking about going private with my top surgery and depending on how quickly my friends answer me about wanting to go to Sweden with me as moral support I might have my first consultation with the surgeon this year (way faster than expected)

Long story under the line

Let’s start with a bit of context:

I’m a 28 year old transmasc person seeking hormone replacement therapy and top surgery. (Top surgery is my top priority but HRT are a very close second and only seems more right for me every day). So far I’ve been persuing these two wishes through the public healthcare system with the focus rn being on starting testosterone.

Back in May I had my last therapy appointment about possibly starting t where I was told that my case would be taking up as the next available conference date (the meeting where they discuss my case) and that I’d know when that would be asap. That turned out to be August 9 and I’d get the verdict the day after August 10. If I got accepted I was told that there can go up to 8 months of pre-planning where I’d have to have blood taken, my body and hormone levels checked and all that fun stuff.

Now for top surgery  have been a bit more of a bumpy ride so far all because of my weight. I’ve never been that skinny and while most of my life I have had a sort of high BMI it has been in the normal range. Given that I’d been forgotten by the clinic there was a 4 month wait between my first and second appointment for a therapy session at the clinic. Around this time my grandmother died and I dealt with a lot of changes in my live that in retrospect was way too much for me to handle so I find myself calming my nerves by eating a bit more than usual. And so come february I now had a BMI around 29,5 where the cut off for top surgery at the GC was 27. I was told that I had to lose at least 5 kg to be offered surgery. Three months later after restricting my food intake (no more candy/cake and smaller portions mostly) I’d managed to lose 9 kg so my BMI was now under the cut off (but in the high end around 26). My therapist were thrilled yet still ended the session by saying that I probably had to lose weight again after starting testosterone since a known side effect is putting on weight.

Why am I telling you all this? Well, I want to give you an idea for what have been weighing (pun intended) on my mind. And taken into account that there’s probably 2 years since the GC would even as much as think about offering me surgery, being told over and over that even when I am doing something right it still might not be enough to get this life changing intervention is tough.

And so I’ve thought about going private with the top surgery. There is a private clinic not far from here (Sweden) that is well known for their good results with top surgery for transmasculine people. As a bonus they don’t have the same strict rules about your weight (I read that maybe they’d be careful if your BMI was over 34 but that’s still way higher than having 27 as your cut off).

Now all that context is out of the way what are my news:

HRT

On August 10 I had hoped to know whether or not I could start t. Instead I was told that one person in the personel was on vacation so the team couldn’t tell me whether I can start testosterone or not. Instead, I would get a message about a possible new conference as soon as they knew more. Me loving to have a bit of a time frame I asked how long the person’s holiday would be and I was told two weeks. On August 24 aka two weeks later I then started my inner clock trying to figure out how much time to give them so I wouldn’t seem impatient and needy. 

When around 9 days had passed since August 24 I grew very wary and vocal about said wariness. I for one made the mistake (?) of mentioning it at a trans meet up where everybody then jumped at me to call the clinic as soon as possible because the clinic had probably forgotten me by now and so my case would be as good as dropped. 

And so I called the clinic today to be told that they hadn’t forgotten me (luckily). The thing is they are very busy (which is fair, given the lack of ressources) and so there might not be time for another conference for me this year and if so they wont send me a message before next year. 

So yeah - in the worst case scenario the line will be dead between me and the genderclinic for MONTHS only for me to randomly get a message with a time for a conference sometime in 2024. 

Given the pre-planing for hormones I might not be able to start testosterone before late 2024 or maybe even early 2025 cutting it very close to my personal goal that is to start hormones before I turn 30 (for no reason other than having a time frame).

Top surgery

At the same trans meet up event where I was told to call the clinic today, we got talking about BMI restrictions for trans affirming care. It was everything from being declined therapy sessions (if you had a BMI over 30) down to being less than 1kg (2 pounds) over the cut off for top surgery. Honestly, hearing all these stories made me certain that I wanted to try reaching out to the Swedish private clinic about a possible first consultation.

Given I was already calling one clinic today I decided to book for the other as well. And here I got a pleasant surprise: I had heard that there are quite a waiting list for pre-op consultations and so I could look forward to wait 7 months or more. Well, when I went to book an appointment there were available appointment NEXT MONTH (only one tbf but there were three in November). So if I am quick enough I might get a consultation this very year. Mind you this wouldn’t nesecarily mean that I can get my top surgery this year (probably not tbh), but it is way more promising than not knowing if you’d even get to have an appointment for HRT (that everybody but one person had agreed I could get) within the year.

There’s off course a “but” here as well:

I kind of want to have company with me to Sweden since going alone seems a little scary even as a 28 year old. I had talked about possibly going with my friends (who are a lesbian couple) yet since I only now decided to actually act on my wishes for the surgery through the private clinic I haven’t spoken to them about going to Sweden this winter. And so I just send them a voice message with my question about whether or not they’d accompany me and hoping to hear from them soon so I can hopefully get one of the times available before the end of the year.

So that’s all the news I have - one goodish and one baddish - I guess everything needs to be in balance :’D

[lifeinahole27]

I promise I'm alive

Eventually, I'm gonna sit down and write out where I've been for the last six months. I owe a huge apology to @grimmswan for never finishing her Christmas fic, first and foremost. And mostly I just wanted to let everyone know I'm still around. Here's the Sparknotes:

Last June, I got passed over for a promotion to AGM at the hotel I was working at. I was promoted instead to "Front Office Manager" and finally got to move to a daytime schedule after we found a new auditor to replace me.

On September 1, I had to fire my first employee ever - that same auditor that I was so excited to replace me - and so that was a fun experience. It meant that I was back to splitting audit duties with the other guy.

We tried to get one of the other desk agents to learn audit. The first attempt did not go well. He was supposed to cover during the weekend of my brother's wedding when I was off work and I genuinely don't remember how we worked the schedule for that now, but I know it was tenuous for a minute.

That same guy that didn't do well on the audit quit via text message the week of Thanksgiving, when the General Manager was on vacation, essentially fucking the rest of us for the rest of the week. He was my best friend at the job. I have not spoken to him since.

At Christmastime, the AGM essentially yelled at me as if I was a child for correcting her on something that she was doing improperly. Her mindset was that she had been working (at another property) for 15 years so she knew how to do her job and there's more than 1 way to do something and I needed to accept that. (Fun sidenote: I had been at that property for almost 4 years and she was doing something wrong. That's the fun thing about different properties. What works at one may not work the same at another.)

After that incident, I was job hunting. I finally got to go to a Christmas luncheon at this hotel (I was always working audit in the years before, so I had never gone before) but I was so miserable the entire time I was there but did a great job acting.

I was forced to work until 12:30am on NYE because my manager was convinced it was going to be a busy day. As I had worked NYE twice before and J had worked it once, we knew it was not going to be busy enough for two people. But still I was forced to work the one day I hate working (thanks to SA memories) and that was the final straw for me.

On January 4, I got a call from the company I had applied to at the recommendation of one of my previous GMs from my old hotel. A few days later, I did a pre-interview/info session with the Talent Manager. Two days after that, I did my interview with a group of managers. And on January 10, I handed in my notice to the hotel.

January 30, I left the hotel at 7:15am, no longer employed by it.

On February 6, I flew out to Denver and spent a week with a BFF I made in the CS community. We had a writers' retreat while I housesat for my sister while she was on vacation. I flew home on February 13 and got my company issued computers set up.

I started the new employment on February 14. My entire upstairs is almost completely renovated after three months of working on it after 7 years of depression. I have quit smoking. I am slowly getting my writing mojo back. My GP and therapist are both astonished at how happy I am.

In the months since I left, I have fully realized that I was essentially being abused at my last job. I was just so driven by my goals there that I was willing to excuse all of the bullshit in hopes of making it in my career. I asked for my vacation time a couple months ago and no one guilt-tripped me because I'm going on vacation in June. I told them I would be happy to take my laptop and work while I'm there and they told me to not even think about it. To go have fun and enjoy my vacation.

I don't know what all of this means for my CS writing. I don't know if that will come back. I would like to. I would love to finish some projects that are half-written. I would love to do another year of cards and finish that not-so-secret santa fic for @grimmswan. I just have to be a little more patient with myself and see what happens.

Okay, that wasn't as short as I expected it to be, because I guess it was a lot. Anyway, hi everyone. This is the happiest I've been since 2015. I'm happy to be back. <3

[sweaterkittensahoy]

An interesting bit of my relationship with Sean:

Until I was 14, all my primary caretakers were--at minimum--narcissist to a point. My stepfather was definitely an abuser and a drunk, but I honestly don't recall enough of the man (he died when I was 12) to guess at the narcissism level, but looking back with the knowledge I have, definitely some traits. My mom, bio-dad, and stepmom? Narcissists. All of them. And that's based on my therapist recommending books about dealing with narcissists when I described them.

Sean's parents were married until he was 19 (fun fact: his mom told him she was going to divorce his dad the same weekend we had our first date). Sean's mom taught him that a couple arguing/fighting is healthy ("Sometimes you have to yell to get to a good conclusion."). Sean's mom taught him that going to couples's therapy is healthy.

Sean's dad, unfortunately, grew up the son of an intense alcoholic mother (gee, that's familiar) and has, at least, narcissistic tendencies. He does not go to therapy. He goes to group "therapy" at his church (not run by a professional).

Sean and I have very different experiences with our narcissistic parents. First, I've had more of them. Second, all of mine have been very, very loud.

Sean's dad's narcissism is much quieter. He doesn't shame Sean or rewrite history. Instead, he does things like call Sean when there MIGHT be a tsunami on the Oregon Coast so that SEAN will look up the information and report it to him rather than just look it up himself.

No joke: Sean's dad recently saw one of Sean's cousins on his mother's side talking about a health issue in the family. Was Sean's dad response to message the cousin (an adult) and get clarification?

No.

Sean's dad called Sean, explained he'd seen a facebook post, and asked what was happening.

Short answer: Someone in Sean's mom's family known to Sean's dad is having severe health issues.

Two days later, Sean got a sudden flurry of texts from his dad. It was all contact info for family on his side. Sean's aunt, the two uncles, and a few cousins. Sean stared at it and said, "Why is he sending me this?"

Here's the thing: My narcissism experience is much crazier. I've had my mom lie to my face about things that have happened. My bio-dad made me apologize to my stepmother literally directly after she'd hit me. More than once. My mom can give me an excuse to never visit me in my city and then turn around and talk about how many vacations she takes.

Sean's experience with his dad's narcissism is very funny to me because I truly believe his dad does not mean to do it. He simply has no idea how to communicate well.

I cannot stress enough, intent does not matter with a narcissist. It's not about whether they INTEND to hurt you or not. It's about if you feel shitty after. Because narcissists are particularly good at making you feel shitty while sounding nice. Sean's most common response to his dad's behavior is confusion.

Anyway, Sean's wondering what the fuck his dad is doing, and my brain clicks a few things together, and I said, "OH! He wants you to know who to contact if he drops dead!"

And Sean just stares at his phone for a moment, then sighs and go, "Yeah. Yeah, that's what that is."

Not gonna lie: I started giggling because my experience sees an amateur effort at getting Sean to ask a question.

Sean: "Really?"

Me: "Sorry. It's just...sorry."

Sean: "I'm just gonna say thanks."

Me: "An excellent decision."

It absolutely is. It acknowledges the effort and does not open the room to conversation.

It's an odd place to be, coming from several professional-level narcissists, to getting a genuine giggle out of Sean's dad's amateur efforts. I think part of what makes it funny instead of angering is that Sean is an only child, so his dad can't aim any secret shittiness in another direction.

I won't lie: It feels good that my shitty upbringing can be used towards giving guidance to someone I love who knows shit isn't perfect and that imperfect relationships have meaning and worth.

[nonclassyparty]

finally got around to reading starring role and … wow

like words can’t explain how much hurt i felt for all the main characters 😭 they really aired out their pain and trauma to everyone but a therapist 😭

somehow, san’s emails hurt me more than the actual angst of plot bc he finally found a gateway to therapy and STILL decided to go down the shitty emotional unavailable path instead like sannie my love pLS ((i have a disgustingly soft spot for characters that aren’t bad people and can actually be pretty respectful and lovable but are so inherently self destructive— ANYWAYS))

i’m glad y/n got her closure between san, mingi, and seonghwa in the end tho. i’m glad she forgave yeosang as well bc that trio is unmatched chaotic energy

this message has been sitting in my inbox since forever now, sorry for not responding earlier i had a crazy month lol but thank you very much for reading, i'm glad that you enjoyed it!

at first the emails were supposed to be a bonus chapter, i was supposed to write more of them to sort of show what san has been up to in the 2 years while yn was in paris but i gave up halfway since they started to feel a bit pointless. in the first version of the story, he was writing to yn in a notebook as a diary of some sort and would later on give it to her (in that version they end up together) but i realized that would totally clash with san's character so i quickly scrapped that. but while i was planning on writing the bonus chapter with the emails (its the final version of the story so they don't end up together), san was supposed to mention yn's old email address that he would write to and she had no idea what he's talking about so he'd feel real stupid despite knowing that the chances of her ever reading the emails were nonexistent.

i personally wouldn't say i have a soft spot for characters like san but i do try to make my characters as three dimensional as possible because they're simply more fun that way and ofc i wrote san, he's as real as he can be in my head when i wrote him so i would have an attachment to him regardless (which is why i was fighting for my life on here while readers were dragging san and me to hell and back lmfaooo i miss that so much. i need to write another series with a controversial character bc i truly had a sweet community here that would discuss each chapter and i loved to hear everyone's thoughts)

this response got so long but starring role era was super fun :)

[raincamp]

7 - 27 - 23

today has been... a lot. i have a lot to talk about because it really just keeps snowballing, ive had the worst fucking BPD episode today

so i wrote this this morning, expecting to get to actually have a session with my therapist today, since yk, i did finally make an appointment with her referral (for context if you didn't read my last posts, she basically said: no appts until i start addiction counseling bc she can't treat addiction) //

"i've been having the worst and most painful fucking week of my life only for everything to be entirely made up by my imagination, oh how i fucking hate paranoid ideation

as i'm writing this i have about an hour before my therapy appointment— which i was one hundred and ten percent sure was going to be rescheduled, and that i was going to be terminated, because apparently my therapist doesn't like me— and i'm having so many urges to like, hurt myself, or do something to prove that I've been in pain this week because now that i've realized it was all just paraoia my pain no longer feels valid, or justifiable, or even real because of my emotional impermanence making it literally impossible for me to relive the emotions i was experiencing even 5 hours ago.

im partly glad that i only blew up at her once, i think i would be so much more embarrassed had i not. not to say that im not entirely ashamed of my entire reaction to something as small as this, but i also feel like she would've been able to understand how much I've been struggling this week if i had. and since I can't wholly remember how it felt, if it exists in somebody else then it makes it more real. idk. i just want my pain to be validated by her so much."

i was fully ready for her to text me today and be like "oh chill you made an appt see you in an hour" but what i got instead was radio silence. so i checked my appointment portal only to see our standing appointments for the next 3 weeks cancelled.

believe me when i say, my heart fucking dropped, i mean like, it was on the fucking floor, i was hit so hard i couldnt breathe for several minutes.

so, yk, i text her begging for an appointment like the pathetic emotional parasite that i am, and all i get in response is a "we can reschedule once you've attended your intake appointment" so i was like, welp, that sucks bc my intake is next week on a Thursday, so now i have to go two weeks without therapy. absolutely triggered the fuck out of me, i was crying, SOBBING on my floor, it just hurt so fucking much. i felt like i was being ripped apart and sewn crudely back together again, over and over again, everytime i calmed down enough to breathe it would start over again, wave after wave of sadness and shame and abandonment and rage and grief and desperation. i just wanted to stop feeling so much PAIN.

and yk what i did, instead of hurting myself like i nornally would, i texted my therapist like i've been taught to in DBT. she's SUPPOSED to be there to help me when i need it. thats literally in her contract.

mid-sob i typed out a message that was more akin to me begging her to pull me out of a sea of misery and perform CPR on me than professionally asking for help, but i genuinely didnt know what to do, and i STILL don't, because distress tolerance only goes so far, ive been feeling like this, constantly, since our last session.

and she just responded with reminding me that she set the boundary a week ago and we talked about a referral 11 days ago, but she was available for an appointment in two weeks (meaning ANOTHER week without therapy, total: 3) . completely ignoring my plea for help. it felt like she was telling me "hey just a reminder, this is entirely a consequence of your own actions. have fun dealing with it yourself!!"

i have fucking BPD, the only way i KNOW how to deal with anything is by hurting either myself or the people around me. and im THIS close to self destructing and quitting therapy altogether.

i am so fucking pissed at her, idk how she can expect me to survive three weeks without stable treatment. especially after i was hospitalized last month for a suicide attempt?? she knows how much im suffering right now. is keeping a boundary really so important that she can't even help me when im hurting this much?

all i want right now is to scream at her, and im definitely going to, at the very least, be as much of an arse as i can over text, idk, i feel like i deserve to let myself be angry at her. its definitely justified, despite what i said before. theres clear evidence now that I wasn't being paranoid.

i just feel so abandoned by her, physically and emotionally, i feel like i have nobody, i feel like im back to where i was before i started treatment. its so frustrating, and painful. and the fact that this is due to an addiction that i dont have any control over is making me feel even worse.

im trying to figure out why she's doing this, like, she's shown shes competent, i genuinely cant understand how doing this is supposed to help me. how is putting me through this much pain going to help? its making me so unstable. and ik im going to relapse again at some point before i get to see her again.

im trying not to think about it anymore, because everytime i do i start crying again. its to the point where i have a killer headache and my eyes hurt so much from the amount of tears ive spilled.

i fucking hate this disorder so much. nobody but me would be this attached to their therapist. normal people would be able to cope with someone setting boundaries easily. this shouldnt be causing me to feel this way. its not fair. im so exhausted from having to hurt so much all the time, at this point its chronic, its become background noise, its my idle state, and im enraged about it.

i hope good omens season 2 lives up to my expectations.

- andrew

[adragonprinceswhore]

Self-rec time! What are your favorite five fics that you've written and why? After replying to this ask, feel free pass on to five other writers to spread the love. 💗

Thank you Miranda 💗💗

I've done this one before, and thought it'd be fun to switch it up! So I've included 5 works of mine I like and my favourite parts from each!✨

Rip It Up & Start Again

You recognise him from the meeting. He’d spent the hour looking bored, occasionally rolling his eyes at something he found stupid. When it was his turn to speak, he’d casually explained how his fondness of alcohol and sports cars had culminated one night outside of Rook’s Rest, where he crashed so violently his car caught fire, while he was trapped inside.  The sympathetic looks and ‘I’m sorry’-s he garnered didn’t seem to please him much, shrugging as the therapist commended him for his bravery in sharing such a traumatic aspect of his addiction.  “It was all over the news”, he’d said, hand mindlessly rubbing the raised skin of his neck, decorated with tattoos, “At least I’ve been able to hide some of the reminders”

The Way I Feel Under Your Command, Ch 2

This morning, however, Aemond has pulled his long, Valyrian hair back into a low bun, causing her gaze to shamefully flicker down to his sharp jaw and strong, masculine neck. There’s one delicate, blue-green vein running down the side of it, from his ear to his shoulder, and for some reason the sight of it makes her flustered. 

Colour My Mind, Bring Me Back, Ch 3

The irony of thirsting for the Iron Throne, for the title of King, for so long and now dispassionately seizing it, is not lost upon him.  He does not feel changed. He is still the same man; mind left in battle and with a broken wife by his side. Only now with the Conqueror's crown above his brow. A crown he’s worn before.  Aemond steals a glance at her. How many times had she told him he’s the one who deserves the crown. That he was a far better choice to rule the Seven Kingdoms, instead of his drunken brother. This was the unattainable fantasy they’d whispered into each other's ears late at night, shielded by the private comfort of the other’s embrace.  This was supposed to be a victorious occasion.  When he’d consulted Grand Maester Orwyle on his wife’s condition, the old man said “You have to teach her how to be herself again” The task feels impossible.  He did not construct her. How was he expected to put her back together? 

Rumours, ch 3

As you timidly hand him your homemade gift at the luxurious restaurant, you feel a storm of unease swirl within you, suddenly overcome with embarrassment that you couldn’t get him anything nicer.  Aemond’s eyes light up in a way you’d hardly seen before.  He turns the gift over in his hand, admiring the photo collage and reading the little message on the back.  Grabbing your hand, he looks into your eyes and says a quiet “thank you”, and the gravity and sincerity of his voice lets you know that he appreciates the simple gift more than he can put into words. 

Soft & Hard

Any sensible person would get out.  But you can’t.  Because he still smells the same. And it’s everywhere in the stuffy cab. And your heart hurts, a tear threatens to spill, because you’ve missed it all so much; his smell, his hair, his voice, his touch.  Him.

[unhallowedarts]

The thing is, I understand that he's in a tight spot with this series. In the beginning it was very edgelord and very doom and gloom, and that isn't what he wants to write anymore because he's grown and changed as a person.

But the way to fix that is not to artificially inject hope into the universe around the characters. The way to fix that is to let the characters grow and change also, so that their outlook on their universe can change. And for some reason he seems reluctant to do that. John has to start taking responsibility for his actions. Dave has to follow through with meds and therapy. Amy has to stop enabling their bullshit and trying to be their therapist. A character driven story about them addressing their own issues while fighting monsters would be a really good way to turn the story into something he's more comfortable writing.

Instead he doubles down. Dave just kinda floats through the story being sad, like I barely remember him having any agency at all. There's a whole essay about how John is super special just the way he is (this is the 10% of the soapbox that I didn't agree with, btw, but I don't want to get into all of that). And Amy rewrites the story so she can be everyone's therapist. And yet the universe around them becomes more positive. People on the street help them. Good things come their way when needed. Troubled kids can be saved with therapy and weed. Things are better not because our heroes have changed their outlook but because Pargin just wants to write about a warmer universe than before.

So here's my ultimatum: If Pargin is not comfortable really engaging with this universe, then he should stop writing it. There's nothing wrong with that. He's in a different place, he can work on different things. Like, say, Zoey!

Up at the top I said that this soapboxing was a problem in his last couple books. I meant this one and Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick. But I've changed my mind in the last couple hours. The soapboxing was equally present in Zoey. But it wasn't as much of a problem, because:

It's sci-fi. Soapboxing is a huge part of sci-fi as a genre, so it doesn't feel as unnatural. And especially if you've got some cyberpunk vibes, soapboxing about the Online World and disconnection and incels works.

He's built this world to tell these stories in. He's not trying to fit a new kind of story into a world he built with completely different stories in mind. So it feels much more natural.

This is just vibes but honestly it feels like he's having more fun with it. It feels like he's actually enjoying himself in the Zoey books, and I really haven't felt that with the JDATE books since Spiders.

So yeah, Mr. Pargin if you're reading my blog for some reason, well first of all that's very weird, but since you're here my message to you is: Stop trying to put the wrong soap in the wrong box. Maybe down the road you'll change and grow some more and you'll want to honestly engage with Undisclosed again, but until that happens let John & Co. have some well-deserved rest, and just have some fun in Tabula Ra$a for a while

ok six months later i’ve finally decided that i’m NOT going to post a full takedown of If This Book Exists You’re in the Wrong Universe. But I am gonna post my one big hashtag controversial opinion. Here it is:

Jason Pargin may be the one creator whose work actually has gotten worse because he got woke.

I’m certainly not saying I want him to go back to using the r-word on every page, and I want to emphasize that I agree with 90% of his opinions. But in his last couple books he has spent so much time on his soapbox that it makes the writing awkward, the pacing clunky, and the stories less absorbing. I think his goal is to tell stories that call out bad stuff going on in the world and offer a positive message about it. That’s a great goal. But the way he does it is like he’s smacking you in the head with a brick over and over. It makes the story not fun to read and it makes the message annoying even as someone who agrees with it.

The funny thing is, if he turned these ideas into nonfiction essays and published a book of them I would absolutely read it and enjoy it. It’s just the attempt to use those essays to build a fun horror-comedy book that isn’t working for him.

[krakenartificer]

So my therapist and I were talking today about ADHD brains, and what "executive function" means, and we discovered a really interesting thing about how my brain works. I don't know how much it will extend to other people, but I'm throwing it out there in case it's useful for anyone else.

Usually it takes me about 1.5 - 2 hours each morning, to go from "booting up my computer" to "actually starting on my first task".  This is true whether I work from home or work in the office, whether it's a coding day or a meeting day, whether I jump out of bed when the alarm goes off or if I'm very seriously giving consideration to sleeping under my desk while my computer boots.  I don't want it to take that long, but extensive experimentation has shown that it definitely does.

Today I decided to try an experiment.  Instead of my normal morning routine (where I check email, IMs, to-do list, and self-care list, and compile that into an enormous to-do list for the day, then sort that list in order of "if everything goes sideways and I get to only one thing, what thing will be the most painful if it happens tomorrow instead of today", and then set up multiple desktops on my macbook so that each task -- including "brush teeth" has its own desktop, and then put the desktops in the assigned priority-order), I decided I'd just jump right into my first task, and see if I could get myself a hyper-focused hour of work before someone came into the office to bug me.

It. Was. Terrible.

I mean, I got the task done, in record time. Then I checked Tumblr. Then I checked Facebook. Then I composed a summary of David Graeber's argument that the European Age of Exploitation cannot be understood without knowing why the Chinese decided to abandon paper money.  Then I replied to all my Facebook messages. Then I helped Jessica at work set up her code. There followed a relatively productive afternoon where I helped my boss sort out a personnel problem, set priorities for our department, contributed to one meeting, ran yet another meeting, got consensus on a project, and helped Jessica again -- but I didn't eat my midmorning snack until 1pm, I never did brush my teeth, and my knees are killing me because all through the second meeting my body was sending "This posture hurts! Change position! Get! Up!" signals, and I couldn't summon the focus to actually move from the floor to the couch. By the time my therapist called, my phone was on 3% and I couldn't find my bluetooth headphones. I'm still 400 calories under my target for the day, because I missed 900 calories during my workday and I couldn't figure out how to add more than 500 calories to my dinner.

So my therapist and I talked about this strange mix of symptoms: knocking out task after task of helping people at work, but unable to feed myself; incredibly highly effective code debugging, but also getting lost in Tumblr for an hour. I wasn't under-stimulated, but I also didn't get to pick what I focused on.  And he talked about how executive function isn't just one thing, which I knew, but mentioned specifically that one element of executive function is taking your own initiative, deciding your actions for yourself, rather than just reacting to stimuli.  And it hit me ---

I can't do that.  

I thrive in hyper-focused development environments, where I react to each compiler error by debugging the error ... but I break down when the compiler runs without error; I don't know what to do if I don't have the error-stimulus deciding my actions.

I thrive in high-multi-tasking environments like running a retail store at Christmas, where I do a task, and then look around and see which notification is the highest priority, and then do that task.  But I struggle in January and February, when all the customers are gone and I don't know what to do.

And today, I was entirely stimulus-driven.  Jessica asked for help, and I helped her. Kathy commented on Facebook, and I replied to her. Ryan asked about a report, and I explained it to him. Mark brought up something that reminded me of David Graeber, and I typed up a history essay.  Anything that didn't have a notification -- brushing my teeth, eating my snack, charging my phone -- didn't get done.

And that's when it hit me.  My usual morning routing isn't a waste of 2 hours.  It's setting up my environment so that I will be stimulated to do the things I want to do.

I have barely any initiative-decide-for-myself at all.  I get one (1) intitiativon each morning, and I have to spend it wisely.  And what I do with it, each day, is set up the stimuli I will experience throughout the day.

I finish a task and close that desktop: the next desktop pops up with a note that says "Meditate."

I finish meditating and close the desktop: the next desktop pops up with an email I need to reply to.

I finish that email and close that desktop: the next one pops up with a note that says "Order groceries."

I don't have any initiative left by that point, but I don't need to: I get the stimulus to do my work, maintain my health, connect with friends, and clean my house, and I'm too executive-dysfunction-deprived to do anything but respond to stimulus, and so I do all those things. This explains why I need to leave such specific directions to myself: not “write chapter 5″, but “Open C:/Documents/Writing/NovelTitle/Chapter5.doc”.  The first one isn’t a stimulus to action; the second one is. 

It's also why I have such a hard time with "leisure", and why my "randomized leisure activity" deck helped me so much; because by the time I get to the end of the day, and I'm out of spoons and I have earned a fun and relaxing evening.... I cannot -- by definition -- decide what would be fun and relaxing.

Like I say, I have no idea whether that will be any good for anyone else, but it prompted some interesting introspection, and I wanted to share. Now if you’ll excuse me, I still need to go brush my teeth

[funnierasafictive]

Welcome to the blog! Just a little corner for us to reblog posts that would hit different as a fictive. It doesn’t mean we’ll be reblogging random fanart, this is about general posts people make, that might make you go “jokes on you I AM that character” or “This already happens since they live in my brain”!

We don’t usually create DNI’s, but since this is going to be a very community-based blog, here’s some things to know before you go + other info/FAQ!

Also, here's our personal list of Palestinian Campaigns 🇵🇸

This blog is NOT welcome to syscourse. To be straightforward, this is a place welcome for all system types and origins. We can’t control who interacts from us, but if you do not like endogenic supporters, then this is your heads up!

We are not therapists or professionals! But we’re happy to answer small questions if it ever comes up! This blog is also run by one system, and it’s for fun and nothing serious! Expect inconsistent activity.

We are more likely to respond to asks than DM’s. You can still send us posts in a DM, but we just might not respond! We see all our messages though and what you send/recommend :-] If we don’t respond to your ask: I am very sorry! We must have forgotten and then it’s been too long that we feel awkward about getting back to it. We try to answer all our asks, though!

Our entire system will be reblogging to this blog so I don’t think we’ll tag who reblogs who since we only have one purpose here. But if we ever make posts or answer things we’ll probably mark who is who. Some of us have typing quirks!

If we don’t reblog something you tagged us in, it’s probably because we reblogged it from someone else and it’s currently in our queue, or we’ve already reblogged it in the past! If enough people tag us in something we’ve already reblogged before, we usually tag them as #reruns.

Another but less common reason is that the post probably feels too system-general for a very fictive-mood. Not that it can’t be applied to fictives; it just seems like a post that might better fit @/funnier-as-a-system.

While we know fictives, fictionkin, and DA’s, are not the same, everyone is still allowed to relate to and reblog the posts from this blog, of course. This blog is just fictive-first, especially since none of us have kins, and the people running this are fictives.

Lastly, when tagging us, consider if a post might be more suitable for @ funnier-as-a-system instead!

*Based on our understanding, we are not comfortable with the terms proshippers and proship. If you wish not to interact with us because of that, that is alright. If you want to still interact with us despite this, that is your choice. This information is not related to fictives in systems, and the relationships that can happen between them.

If you have tagged us in a post, Thank You! We might not say it every single time we reblog something, but we always think it.

[demadogs]

assign an older teen therapist to each younger teen

younger teens (el mike max will dutsin lucas)

older teens (nancy robin jonathan steve eddie argyle)

base it purely off comparability not cannonness

ooo this is fun!!

ok i did almost all of these and then went back up to your message and saw that you said base it off compatibility not cannonnes and i didnt do that at all i based it entirely on the trauma theyve been through and why this person could help them. my b. but for most of these i cant really imagine the kids accepting help from anyone else.

jonathan is a therapist to mike

i really love the idea of jonathan having a big brother moment to mike regarding his internalized homophobia. jonathan just knows exactly the right things to say to someone struggling with his sexuality and i think he could tell mike things that he really really needs to hear. will has jonathan but i think mike truly believes he has no one that he can talk to about it. hes not nearly as close to nancy as jonathan and will are and i think hes sure that will is straight and doesnt wanna talk to him about it because its too close to telling him his feelings. jonathan could pick up on his feelings the way he did with will and tell him that theres nothing wrong with him and that its ok. i just read a great fic about this. highly recommend.

steve is a therapist to max

this is inspired by the fact that max wrote a letter to steve. he was the only one of the older kids that she wrote to. i think she sees him as the big brother she wished billy could have been. hes protected her from her abuser. he lied when billy showed up to pick up max in s2 knowing that he was dangerous and tried to get him to leave and keep her and all the kids safe, and then he (tried) to beat him up when he got in. i think hes done things for her and the other kids that he doesnt think twice about but it makes her feel so safe and close to having a sibling relationship like letting them into free movies through the back door at the mall and giving her free ice cream and having dumbass moments that she bickers with him over (“is he- is he a vampire :0” “it was a metaphor -_-“). he wouldnt even need to have big serious talks with her, just his presence is therapeutic for her.

robin is a therapist for will

i think this reason is pretty self explanatory. im giving her to will instead of mike because i think will is a lot closer to the stage of self acceptance that robin is in than mike is so she’d be better for will. itd be so great for will to be around a happy confident queer person. they would make fun of straight people together (mostly steve) and have so much fun doing it.

nancy is a therapist to dustin

ok dustin is hard because i wanna say eddie but i think the biggest reason he needs therapy is because of eddies death so that cant really happen. hes always been relatively chill given everything hes been through but now hes in a completely different head space. a lot of them have experienced some kinda loss but this is the first time its happened to him. i think nancy, the only other person who lost their best friend, would be good for dustin and honestly good for nancy too. she still has a lot of trauma and guilt because of it and i think they both need someone who knows what its like. but nancy is years after her loss and dustin needs someone to tell him it gets better.

eddie is a therapist to el

this is a weird as hell pairing, i know. i was gonna give eddie to dustin but no can do and i really dont think argyle can do any good for her but i think it would be cool for her to be around someone like eddie. someone who completely embraces being a “freak” and would never let anybody tell him what to do, unlike el who as owens said has spent way too much of her life being told what to do. he could also be a great one for mike. i think he kinda was a bit because he inspired him to grow his hair out, wear cooler clothes that feel more him, and get back into dnd and stop pretending he grew out of it.

ok im gonna bend the rules a bit because i think lucas deserves way better than argyle (no offense argyle)

steve is also a therapist to lucas

this is inspired by the fact that no one showed up to his basketball game except for steve. he already graduated and he didnt really look pleased with his date and he couldnt sit with robin bc shes in band but he still went. i think its hard for anyone to be a therapist for lucas’ situation with max not knowing if she’ll wake up but steve might be a nice familiar presence and he was there when she first was tranced and i think he’d be comfortable talking to him about it.

and argyle is a therapist to erica

i think erica thinks shes above the concept of therapy. i say this because of the way she so confidentially said she doesnt have phobias and is alarmingly calm about the whole russian fiasco. all she cared about was getting back to tinas. she needs someone that wouldnt really treat like therapy at all which would be perfect for argyle because he’d be like “bro this mind fight is trippy and you were in that super bad dudes house are you good?” he wouldnt be good for anyone but her.

i spent an absurd amount of time on this.

[blushblushbear]

sweetie I run a blush blush blog, I don’t think anything is weird! You’re all good!

OKAY SO NIMH

firstly can we talk about like-- how Nimh canonically has a weak heart??? Cause I feel like that’s not talked about or mentioned much--- he’s only got a couple of lines-- but those lines are like--------------- SERIOUS

Nimh is actually my brother Fox’s favs and he like--- messaged me like OMG HE’S DYING AND WE’RE KILLING HIM?????????????????????

“HE’S TAKING ABOUT BORROWED TIME LIKE--- THIS MAN IS DYING AND WE’RE KILLING HIM BY MAKING HIM GO ON A COASTER 11GABILLION TIMES???????????????????????????????????????? WHAT”

And like

Yeah

Like

Nimh is actually p sad cause he’s probs not gonna live to be super super old???????? Maybe???? Idk

He def has dialouge that makes it like------ like he does mention a few times that he gets light headed and the way we make him feel like-- makes him need to sit down and take a breather???

But yeah, Nimh has a very weak heart and I would like to formally request that we don’t make him go on roller coasters anymore

But yeah like--- headcanons

Nimh’s probably got the most healthy and loving childhood out of all of the boys

His parents are legit the sweetest people

They’re also very chill

His family house is like--- all neat and tidy and warm and cozy, it’s very cottagecore up in there

It’s also a little old folks home-y but not in like a really gaudy way

There are def a lot of decor just chilling around tho

And pictures

SO MANY PICTURES

His parents are like the picture of a quant sweet quiet little suburian couple

But they’re also really like--- more down to earth and realistic than you’d expect???

Like--- they found out when Nimh was very young that he had a weak heart, and instead of like--- keeping that from him or never explaining why he can’t do certain things, they just like----- let him know

They were adamant that it’s Nimh’s body and Nimh’s life and he has a right to know what’s up 

They also never really like--- kept him from living his life as best he could????

Like there was never any “No, you can’t, you’re not allowed cause of your heart!”

It was always more “Well, sweetie, if it’s what you want, we can find a way to do it safely”

They let him have a lot of autonomy but also made sure he was aware of how to be safe and careful 

Tbh when Nimh was told at a young age about his weak heart he was actually pretty scared???

But his parents really helped him with it

They let him know that like--- yes, because of his condition he would have to be more careful than others, but it’s not a death sentence and none of this meant he’s not allowed to live his life

They legit had a moto “there’s a safe way to do anything!” 

They also raised Nimh with the moto “different strokes for different folks”

Cause legit they are also the most accepting people ever

So long as no one is getting hurt or being put in danger they are down for whatever

They have this picture of them on a road trip before they had Nimh, and they’re legit in a biker bar taking a big smiley group photo with their new friends 

A dude in a sweater vest and a lady in a cat sweater cheesing it up with a man who has pain tattoo’d on his knuckles and another one whose got a massive scar across his face

It was a fun trip

Nimh’s dad is a therapist and emotional counselor and Nimh’s mom is a grade school teacher 

So Nimh had just a really supportive loving home growing up

He def still talks to his parents on the daily

First best relationship with his folks, second best is Kelby

Def took you to meet his parents the moment things started getting serious

They a) had already heard a LOT about you, b) ADORE YOU

His family has regular family dinners, usually on sunday, and you are always welcomed

He also was really into books

Like legit-- him cashew and poe need to start a book club 

His canon job is a personal assistant and it’s to the head of a major publishing company

The company mostly does children’s books, though they also branch off into fantasy and young adult coming of age novels

Books always suited Nimh tbh

Not at a bookworm level like Cashew but p close

Even though he was given A LOT of freedom, he tended to prefer the calm and quiet

Less even for his heart and more just cause that’s how he is

He is a comfy boi

Soft boi

Cottagecore boi

He lives in a really cozy little apartment but he frequently visits and stays at his family home as well

NSFW but he’s sexually curious but a little timid in that area, solely due to how soft he is and how prone his heart is to going nuts in bad way when he gets too excited. Slow and steady wins the race for this rabbit folks

Fidgets like crazy when nervous 

Anytime he’s had to be in a full suit for something special he’s been nervous and also his tie is crumpled within the first hour cause he can’t stop fussing with it

He actually kind of loves sad/bittersweet movies

Big Fish is one of his favs. It’s just the right mix of whimsical and strange and heartwarming and sad for him

If anything sad/bad happens to an animal in any movie he cries for at least an hour

Marley and me mcfreaking WRECKED him

Lowkey a vegetarian

Like he’s not SET on being a vegetarian and it’s not for ideological or ethical reasons

He just really loves veggies

Healthy snacker

Can play the piano and a little bit of flute

Not stellar at either but he tries

Is def best friends with Cash and Poe

Him and Cashew are just bookworms together and Poe finds their optimism so quant, so naive, so young in it’s innocence (nevermind that he’s younger than the both of them)

THIS MAN'S SWEATER GAME IS ON POINT

Speaking of games, he actually really likes video games

Less in a here’s my battle station, let’s stomp some n00bs kinda way and more a I have an old cartridge era system in the living room that I play old school games on

Could he make a fortune selling that system and those games on the internet?? Yes.

Does he know that?? Not even a little bit.

Can type surprisingly fast and is an amazing note taker

Bit of a people pleaser too

He’s honestly the perfect assistant and can even get a little— cut throat isn’t the right word…. Sturn?? Serious?? Has a major back bone-y??? When it comes to work

The best assistant his boss ever had tbh

His boss is a lady in her 40’s who wears a lot of pastels and pearls and is p sweet but also very right to business

She does not mince words, very blunt

She’s rubbing off on him a bit, at least professionally 

In his personal life he’s still 10000000% a sweet baby angel

Idk what else there is to say about Nimh other than Fox wants to hug him cause he looks soft and probably smells like vanilla or caramel or something 

[marsbutterfly]

Hey ! How are you ? Can I request an imagine for Hanji x f!reader where they both get reincarnated in modern time ? They both died side by side during the rubbling and when they get reincarnated they both have memories of their past life (they were already lovers). Reader thought she was never going to see her girlfriend again but one day she finds her by chance.

Take care and have a nice day !

Note: Thank you so much for requesting this. I had fun writing it and the prompt was *chefs kiss* so I really hope you like it.

In Another Life

Summary: Reincarnation is the doctrine or belief that the soul reappears after death in another and different bodily form.

                               Wattpad Version! | AO3 Version!                                                      |◁ II ▷|

Cold sweat drips down your face as you bolt awake, digging your nails into the bedsheets. The same nightmare has been waking you up in the middle of the night since you were a child.

In your dream, you are a soldier who battles to save humanity in the fight against titans. Somehow, you always manage to kill the gigantic beings and return safely to the world inside the walls.

Always by your side is a brown-haired woman with glasses, her left eye is missing in most of the dreams. In all honesty, you have never seen anyone so beautiful before and, somehow, you remember her name.

Hanji Zoe.

One day, you stood by her side as the world you’ve once known was being left behind, turned into dust. She held your face in her hands as tears streamed down her cheeks, the feeling of her lips against yours is vivid and you can even smell the apple she had earlier.

The scream of your comrades echoes through the plane and into your brain but all you can focus on is the image of Hanji’s body catching on fire as the same flames burn down your back.

She hits the ground seconds before you do and somehow you manage to land by her side, hand touching hand as her lifeless body begins to cool down. You don’t have much time to think before a titan’s massive foot squishes your bodies at the exact same time.

That’s usually when you wake up, when your lungs and heart explode inside your chest due to the pressure of the step. When every blood vessel in your body gives in to the pressure and bursts inside you.

You grab your phone, only to realize your alarm was about to go off anyway. So instead of trying to go back to sleep, you simply push the covers aside and begin to drag yourself to the bathroom in hopes of getting your day started.

Not every dream you have is a nightmare. Some of them are about a life you don’t remember living: The combination of joy and fear after joining the Survey Corps, the warmth of Hanji’s naked body against yours, the delicious smell of freshly made apple pie coming from the kitchen in the middle of the night.

At nights where you don’t dream about that life, you miss it. You miss being around your friends, being able to move around the trees as if you were flying, you miss her. Her deep, brown eyes are all you can think about and time slips away from you.

Once your morning routine is completed, you decide to go for a run in the park behind your house. Since the sun has been out for less than an hour, it shouldn’t be too busy and you’ll be able to enjoy some quiet time.

As the armband slides up your skin, a chilling sensation travels down your spine and nearly every particle of hair in your body rises, even though you can’t understand why. So you simply shake your head and push the feeling down.

Carefully, you select your favorite playlist and check to make sure your laces are tied but before you can actually look, your phone rings loudly in your ear nearly giving you a heart attack.

Without a second thought, you decline the call without even checking to see who it is and you make your way outside.

The cold breeze welcomes you and the sweet smell of the food cart in front of your house hits your nose. Usually after a run, you reward yourself with one of their delicious crepes and that is enough motivation for you to finish your jog.

At this time, the park is the most peaceful place in the city. No crying babies in their strollers or loud business men walking around on their phone, there is only you and maybe three more people.

Your favorite song comes on and you feel the energy pumping through your veins with every beat. It’s the perfect weather for a run and you silently enjoy the calm that washes over your body.

Your mind wanders back to your nightmares and you start to remember the better part of it. The times Hanji would take you to a secret picnic after she became commander or the makeout sessions in the janitors closet.

In some ways, you could even feel her warm skin against yours, her kiss-swollen lips attached to you by a string of saliva. It nearly feels as if you had lived throughout all of it, but it couldn’t be possible.

You’re so deep into your thoughts that you don’t notice the stick on the floor and, when you do, it’s too late and you’re already halfway towards the ground so all you can do is protect your face from the concrete.

The impact itself isn’t too painful but the humiliation is what stings the most. If only you hadn’t gotten that call before leaving your house, you would’ve remembered to tie your shoelaces and therefore they wouldn’t have gotten stuck on the stick on the floor.

This isn’t the first time the woman in your dreams has caused you trouble. In a few of your memories, she would make too much noise when you sneak out and the Commander would eventually catch you.

Ever since you were young and these dreams first started, you’ve been going to a therapist after the other in hopes of understanding what all of this means and why is it happening to you but all came to the same result: inconclusive.

No matter how many doctors you see, no one can understand why you have such vivid dreams about a war nobody has ever heard anything about or creatures that have never once been proven to exist.

With your ass on the ground, you notice you used the word “memories” instead of dreams and for a second you feel as if all air has been sucked out of your lungs by a massive vacuum.

You shake your head, pushing those feelings deep down inside of you and getting on your knee, preparing to tie your laces when a familiar perfume rushes by you.

It’s faint and quick, probably carried by the wind but enough for you to snap your head backwards. A comforting feeling settles in your chest, warm and fuzzy if you could describe it. That’s exactly how the woman from your dreams smelled like.

You notice a brunette in a bright yellow sports bra turning around a bush not too far away, but you can’t see if she’s wearing glasses or if she only has one eye, like Hanji did.

“Y/N don’t be ridiculous!” You say to yourself, standing up and brushing away the dirt from your clothes, “Hanji is not a real person, she’s like an imaginary friend.”

Forgetting all about your fall, you decide to resume your run. The pain in your foot forces you to go a bit slower than you are used to but nothing too serious.

Once you are done running your laps around the park and begin to make your way back home, a few drops of rain begin to fall on your skin, forcing you to rush home.

As you are eagerly awaiting for the crepe you’ve been dreaming about for hours, the owner of the small cart has a sad expression on his face.

“I’m fresh out of batter. My husband just went to grab some more, it should take a little longer than 45 minutes, I am so sorry Y/N.” He says and you sigh, a compassionate smile on your lips and you nod.

“You will save me the first one you make when he’s back right?” You ask and the man eagerly nods.

“Of course. With banana, strawberry and chocolate, right?”

And you laugh, knowing that the only reason why he knows your order so well is because his crepes have been your breakfast each morning since you first moved into this apartment.

Once you are done with the conversation, you rush up the stairs and immediately into the shower. With a washcloth you gently brush the dirt out of your bruised knee, quietly hissing as the burning sensation takes over.

Even though you know you aren’t supposed to do so, you pour hydrogen peroxide on top of the wound and a scream leaves your throat at every step of the way.

“Today really isn’t my day.” You say to yourself as you begin to wash your hair. A few specs of dirt fall to the ground and a prolonged sigh escapes your lips. Everything just seems to be going wrong: rain, no crepe, fell during a run, what’s next? Waiting in line at the coffee shop for over an hour?

As you stand in line, you realize you should have kept your mouth shut. Even though you ordered online, the amount of people surrounding the pick up area was beyond ridiculous and you were definitely getting late for work.

Once your turn finally comes, you thank silently in hopes that you will be able to actually make it in time. So with your chest out and happiness on your face, you loudly say over the many other voices, “Order for Y/N!”

The guy behind the counter looks confused as he checks every cup individually and you watch over him as he does so. He shoots you a sadden and a little annoyed look and you realize that the “Order” button never got pushed.

Your eyes fill with tears of frustration but you brush them away and take your phone out, repeating your online order to the barista on the register and they write it down perfectly.

Your eyes are glued to your phone’s screen while you wait for a message from your boss but the same comforting sensation you felt this morning is back again. Maybe it’s the smell of coffee that reminded you of the trips to Marley or the crowds of different people around, much like eldians and marleyans.

“I have to get this shit out of my brain.” You say, shaking your head and focusing on typing out a message to your friend, complaining and hoping that you won’t get fired today. You worked too hard to get this job and if they let you go over some 20 minute wait, you’ll raise hell on Earth.

“Order for Y/N?” A familiar voice says but you can’t identify from where.

So you walk to the counter, finally putting your phone away and counting the coffees. Your eyes land on the barista’s hand, who carries your regular order. You reach for it and in a split of a second, your hands touch.

The world around you seems to stop and so does your breathing. When you look at her, you realize she is the part of you that has been missing all along. She’s a real person and not a dream. You look at her nametag, just making sure you aren’t going insane and there it is. “Hanji Zoe”

In that minimal touch, you are bombarded by the emotions of a lifetime ago. The first day you met, the first titan experiment you had done together, the first kiss, the first time you’ve had to kill a titan because she would always get too damn close to being eaten alive.

But you are also reminded of the last meal you both ate, the last nose rub, the last time her lips touched yours, the last hand holding, the last breath you both took before you woke up where you are now.

And just like that, feelings you didn’t know were possible for you to have emerged from deep within your chest as if a box that has been sitting deep inside the closet has now just been opened. It even seems like the world has just gotten a bit more colorful.

Tears shine in your eyes as the coffee you just waited so long for hits the ground. With a smile on your face, you wrap your arms around her neck and pull her over the counter. It doesn’t take her more than a second to seal your lips together.

Her breath tastes like the hot chocolate she had earlier that day but it still manages to awaken butterflies that laid dormant in your stomach throughout your entire life. It’s not until your phone rings in your pocket that you are brought back to reality.

“I’m so late for work!” You smile at her and rush out of the store, the container with the other cups in your left hand.

“Wait!!” A voice screams from just outside the coffee shop and you immediately turn around to see Hanji, her hat in her hand as she comes closer to you. “I knew something was missing my entire life and….”

“And now I realize it was you.” You two say in perfect unison and she nods.

“Why don’t we start over? This time, without any titans around.” She asks and you smile.

“Hey, I’m Y/N.” You say, extending your hand.

“I’m Hanji Zoe and I would love to take you on a date sometime.” Hanji meets you in the middle, shaking your hand.

“I really have to go.” You say and a frown appears on her face, you have to fight the will to quit your job and start a nice, little life in the woods with her. Something you’ve always talked about but sadly never got to have.

“I’ll wait for you right here then.” She says, letting go of your hand slowly and you immediately touch the back of her head and bring her in for a long kiss while still managing to keep the cups in your hand still.

This time it was not a goodbye kiss. It was simply the second first kiss you’ve ever had with Hanji and hopefully, it will not be the last.

[identityunfounded]

I get that things come up, but PLEASE don’t waste a service workers time…

I am a massage therapist at a day spa and I have a 45 minute commute to work. It takes about 30 minutes to set up my station and get my hot towels ready and my table warm and everything, plus time to use the restroom and wash my hands before my first session of the day.

So if I have a 1:30 I usually leave the house by 11:30 to give time to stop for coffee or snacks and to account for traffic. I’m usually early, but generally not more than 30 minutes at the most and 5 at the least (that was a stressful drive).

I didn’t have anyone for 1:30 when I went to be last night but by 10am this morning I did. So I finished up my house chores and left at 11, stopping at two stores on my way, and arrived about 12:30, thirty minutes before I want to clock in and start prepping.

Only when I arrive I get a text message from a coworker. The 1:30 I had, that JUST booked their session this morning, had cancelled. An hour before their appointment time.

So now I’m stuck here because the time and gas means I can’t go home. My shopping already done because I left early.

My next appointment is at 4pm.

I could have stayed home and played with my dogs, done more than just the BARE minimum of shopping, spent time with my husband who leaves at 6pm, long before I will be home, for a 12 hour shift.

Instead I get to sit in the parking lot of my work because I don’t have enough time to go do anything interesting.

So please. If you are going to make an appointment make SURE you are available. If this had been scheduled a week out or more I would understand. Things can come up. But to schedule the same day and cancel mere hours later? I feel like more thought could have been put into that action.

Here’s another fun fact. I don’t know if this is for every place, but at my day spa if I have someone no call no show on me, I get paid for my time. Not as much as if they had actually gotten their service, but it’s at least something.

But I’d they CALL in ADVANCE and CANCEL I don’t see a dime unless I’m already clocked in. If you’re the first one of my day and you cancel more than an hour before your start time, I won’t be clocked in.

I’m sure my spa isn’t the only one with a policy like this.

So, the fun fact, is that a late cancel or a no show will get you charged 50% of the service price either way. And it’s actually better for the therapist, at least in my specific case, if you no show.

Better yet, just don’t make a same day appointment. At all. Ever.

Disclaimer: this applies to my specific day spa and in some cases more broadly to other chain massage places. A massage therapist in private practice does NOT generally want you to no show, nor are they usually opposed to same day appointments if they are already in their office. But it really depends.

Personally, I absolutely hate same day appointments and walk ins in both private practice and at the spa. I do not want to sit and twiddle my thumbs for hours on the off chance someone might call and want a massage right now.

Make your appointments 24 hours in advance and be damn sure that you can actually show up.