#instant pest control

[instantpestcontrol]

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[fikesservices]

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[cmweller]

Challenge #04207-K189: Little Discoveries, Large Impact

The apprentice mage welcomed only enough gold, and the charm, to allow them to travel to where Wraithvine asked them to come to set up their little shop. They only accepted enough coin to survive on, wanting little else. After all, this was meant to help others, not to be rich. Helping others made them happy.

https://peakd.com/fiction/@internutter/challenge-04112-k094-data-for-the-experiments -- Anon Guest

Wraithvine was right. Aelinor would definitely have enough data for their experiments. The time it took for the charms to wear out with heavy use. The materials that worked the best. The tools that worked the best.

...and why Artificers always kept either an Elf or a Hellkin in their workshops. And the kinds of people who could be just as useful.

Those with magic in their blood and bones could push their innate magic into solid things. And in the swamp's workshop, in the stilt houses of Muddihollo, there were more than a few Wudzgaad and Trolls wandering about. Neither of whom were terribly keen on what Humans called 'civilisation'.

[Check the source for the rest of the story]

[internutter]

Challenge #03984-J332: Early Access

A young mage just learning her magic makes a set of lovely gifts for Wraithvine, Gikka, Lilbit, and their traveling companions. What are they? A special bracelet, or for Lilbit a collar, that scares away all biting insects, fleas, mites, and other such vermin. A great thing for traveling near waterways in warm months when the mosquitoes were getting bad. -- Anon Guest

"It's not much, but it's the best I can do in gratitude," they young mage presented a set of leather straps with brass buckles and softly glowing runes. "Thank you. Thank you for everything."

The gratitude was familiar, and the gifts Wraithvine received were generally received with grace. If ze didn't need them, ze passed them on to the next person who did. What was rare was the fact that Wraithvine had never seen the likes of these trinkets before. They were obviously handmade, and slightly rushed. Just as obviously, the young Wizard Aelinor had done her best.

Wraithvine plucked one from the handful for closer examination. It was an otherwise ordinary leather strap. Made to adjust to any size from the thickest bicep to the thinnest wrist. The runework had been imbued during the carving, and enforced with threads of silver.

[Check the source for the rest of the story]

[instant-pest-solutions]

If you're looking for termite control services in Ipswich, we recommend checking out Instant Pest Solutions. They offer comprehensive termite control and prevention services and have been providing quality pest control in the area for many years. Their team of experienced technicians are knowledgeable and fully certified, so you can rest assured that any work they do is completed to the highest standards.

[localcanadiancreature62]

More of these mfs. More Perfect Plan/Perfect World au stuff.

Plot - So basically,Ford willingly gave out the equation to Bill by word of mouth while the triangle abided by his word regarding him promising that Stan and the twins remain unharmed if he got what he wanted. Ford then added that he agreed on joining Bill and his Henchmaniacs in wreaking havoc on the world with Global Weirdmaggedon,which overjoyed the isosceles as his genius finally agrees with him for once throughout their aggressive push and pull dynamic despite him not knowing the real reason why Ford joined him (he plans on getting closer to Bill and gaining his favor as he used the triangle's favoritism of him to be spared from the various atrocities that his former muse is going to commit while he tries to come up with a way to kill Bill with a sneak attack without him knowing). Stan and the twins got to escape the town with their lives intact while bringing everyone else with them as Dipper and Stan don't trust Ford anymore ever since he decided to choose Bill over them,not knowing the truth about his decision,they left along with the rest of the zodiac wheel members as they knew that Bill would shatter the town without a single inch of concern. Ford then spends five months as Bill's plus one in the end of the world,watching the triangle escape the town with the lack of a barrier keeping him inside as he conquered every country in the world as every world leader began to worship him and change their nations to be in his image in order to appease the isosceles.

Bill razed said nations daily while putting them back together just to rinse and repeat the next day,he also erased all consequences via his newfound time abilities after destroying Time Baby. Six months later,Bill has totally taken control of the entire world as he not only got the world's leaders to agree with his demands but he also literally has eyes everywhere while having clones of himself manage every corner of the world so that he knows EXACTLY what's going on. The triangle has started a worldwide tyranny and Ford just has to sit back and watch lest his plan of destroying Bill in secret gets ruined.

Bill and the Henchmaniacs enjoy their newfound iron grip on Dimension 46'/ as they finally get to have a home that isn't actively rotting or empty meanwhile Bill is just glad to have a giant human playground all to himself. Although being on top and having everything you want can get a bit boring,so Bill decides to "liberate" Dimension 46'/ like he planned as he burnt it to the ground similarly to what he did with Euclydia. Ford didn't like that. He was fucking traumatized as he watched the isosceles destroy his entire dimension,thus making him lose his family his friends and his home,he watched from the Nightmare Realm using a crystal ball that Bill gave him so he could see the whole thing. Ford basically had a mental breakdown as he attempted to kill Bill for causing him such a devastating loss,fruitlessly blasting his laser gun at the near godly triangle whom he knew could destroy him in an instant with his ability to control space matter and time itself but he didn't care as he needed to get rid of the pest that ruined his life.

Bill instantly regretted his decision to raze the man's dimension,as he thought that Ford would be fine with it since he went along with everything else and this made him realize that his genius won't join him in ruling the universe anymore after he destroyed the guy's dimension (plus he doesn't want Ford to be unhappy) like he planned (as his plan was basically "Conquer the world,destroy the world,and then rule the multiverse with Fordsy by my side"). So Bill stopped time before Ford could kill him and then he ended up fixing his horrible mistake by creating a whole dream world for his genius with Fidds Stan the twins and everyone still alive but as non sentient copies that agree with the researcher's every word.

"You fucking MONSTER. HOW DARE YOU DESTROY EVERYTHING I EVER HAD?!. WHEN I STAYED BY YOUR SIDE AND AGREED TO ALL OF YOUR DEMANDS THROUGHOUT THESE FEW MONTHS?!. I WILL DESTROY YOU UNTIL THERE'S NOTHING LEFT OF YOUR DAMNED GEOMETRIC BODY!." Ford exclaims as he then tries to lunge at the triangle,with sheer anger and hatred in his eyes as Bill then telekinetically stops him from tackling him. "I thought that you chose me over your dumb family,Fordsy. Turns out i was wrong. I kept them alive for as long as i could,but they had to go along with EVERYTHING ELSE." Bill remarks as he laughs maniacally,appearing to not regret his horrible mistake as he watched the man growl at him with pure rage in his expression.

"Once you release me,i will tear you limb from limb. Molecule from molecule. I will build a machine that'll give you the most EXCRUCIATING PAIN POSSIBLE. And i will NEVER choose you,i never did. I only did because i was planning on destroying you from the start,i should've killed you earlier before playing along with your game though before you could do THIS to me." Ford replied as he glared at the triangle while explaining the truth about his plan regarding why he joined his so called muse despite being hesitant at first. Bill then realizes that Ford will never consciously choose him,unless he did something about that. He then came up with an idea,to fix everything both for him and his genius.

"*sigh*. No one will ever choose me. Unless i make them." Bill says as he then telekinetically pulls Ford closer to him and then he touches the man's forehead,making the man flinch and squirm but he then stops struggling once Bill gets ahold of his memories which he starts to nitpick until he replaced all of them with more positive less traumatizing ones while erasing his memory of their prior argument a few seconds ago. Ford becomes more peaceful and less pissy as he then asks his husband about what they're doing in an empty void (what Dimension 46'/ became after Bill destroyed everything),becoming a bit disoriented from the mind fuckery. Bill then tells him to wait in the Nightmare Realm as he nudges him toward a portal that leads to the decaying dimension while he creates a surprise for his genius.

This is the beginning of Bill's Perfect World for Ford. Then a week later,Bill and Ford enjoy their new lives in Ford's new condo/company building that consists of his new anomaly research facility called the Oregon Institute of Oddology as Bill continues on destroying and conquering worlds while he enjoys his spot as the multiverse's eternal ruler which he acquired in only a short time due to his current power level with him being able to control space matter and time. This brings us to now,to Ford's perfect life with his isosceles partner.

[lilacliquors]

kinktober day two: edging

pairing: soldier boy x reader

word count: 425

notes: im so tired from work but here's day two! plus i'm on my period early so that knocked me on my ass today but the show must go on, even thought it's shorter —

he’d never felt so helpless before, and he wasn’t sure how to handle it. he was at your mercy, and it took every bit of restraint he had not to pounce on you, pinning you beneath him before pounding into you mercilessly. but he had made a bet with you, and he wasn’t going to give in. 

you’d been edging him for hours now, seeing just how long he could last, and to his credit, he was doing a lot better than you had expected. because you knew who and what he was.

everyone knew soldier boy was a sex fiend, a sex pest, a pervert, you name it. but he didn’t care, he never gave a single fuck. but he was used to the instant gratification, knowing that he was going to get off when he wanted to, not when someone else made the decision for him. so when you made the challenge, betting him a free fuck in whatever position the winner wanted, that he couldn’t handle the lack of control. and now he wasn’t sure if he regretted this decision. but he was never one to back down from a challenge.

“how — oh, shit — how much longer?” he growled.

“mm, not sure. however long i feel like,” you replied, your voice laced with mock uncertainty. you had him right where you wanted him, and you knew he was getting frustrated. you could see the fire in his eyes, and you swore you saw him twitch, just eager to pounce on you. but he was determined now, he was going to see this through. he was lucky that the v gave him enhanced stamina, but he was getting antsy, and he was about to tear a hole in the sheets.

“you’ve had your fun, now fucking —” he arched slightly as you squeezed his aching cock, his breath catching in his throat. all you did was smirk and squeeze again, and he groaned quietly.

“the more you keep begging, the longer this’ll take. and if it goes on just a little bit longer, this bet is mine for the taking,” you said, and he threw his head back.

“you’re gonna regret this … when we’re done here, and i get my hands on you …”

“ah, ah, ah, be a good boy for me and take it, like a real man,” you purred, then laughed as he grabbed the nearest pillow and pressed it over his face, huffing and groaning into it as he bucked his hips.

he was in for a long night.

[fangirlingpuggle]

XS AU/fic prompt where Omi going back in time to stop Chase from turning evil goes completely wrong as Hannibal notices Omi.

What if Hannibal was watching Chase before so he'd definitely have watched him Guan and Dashi fight Wuya. So he'd have noticed the small new warrior who mysteriously appeared and that he and Chase were instantly close.

And then when he's making Chase his offer and as he's leaving sees the little warrior listening in and watches him as he steals and seals away the Lao Mang Lone hearing about preventing Chase from turning to the Heylin side.

Instead of getting rid of the pest and getting the Lao Mang Lone back Hannibal decides to make the best of this situation.

He has access to more Lao Mang Lone and perhaps he can get 2 dragons with one scheme, after all they're both clearly emotionally compromised.

It's easy enough to switch more Lao Mang Lone and when Chase drinks the soup and transforms Omi sees and is horrified and scared and 'he thought he fixed this he saved Chase, he saved him how?' Dragon Chase goes into a rampage but when he sees Omi doesn't attack him, he's the only one he doesn't.

Omi can't fight against him Chase is completely feral and in a state Omi has never seen before and he is scared and sad and so confused. He can't fail he can't leave Chase like this.

Hannibal then takes advantage after all Omi wants to help Chase right? How else will he be able to stand up to him? How else will Omi be able to protect him or have the power to save anyone else? I f he believes there's still in good chase surely there still be good in him and he can save Chase and himself right? and all Hannibal has to do is point out Omi knows where another Lao Mang Lone is.

In the state he's in Omi only thinks about saving Chase, stopping all of this. He doesn't fully understand what it will do to him and in all the chaos Dojo can't reach him in time.

After when he gets his senses back Chase is horrified to see what happened to Omi, and in that instant is planning Hannibal death, he will do everything to protect Omi.

Omi doesn't remember much of the next hundred or so years only flashes he's still a child and the effect the Lao Mang Lone has on him is far harder to control so it takes him far longer to fully gain control and think for himself. By the time he does Chase has already sealed Hannibal away (In this AU he may have even killed him or put him some where far worse than the yin-yang world after what he did to Omi).

[just-a-sleepy-idiot]

Hmm... Death comforting a gender neutral Reader who is one of his brothers' child (though brain keeps imagining the child of Pest, you can do whichever feels best. Also doesn't need to be a child reader, them being an adult works)? Perhaps during the apocalypse/nearing its end and Reader is worried about their family's safety should the Winchesters not succeed? Perhaps their worry causes problems with power control?

I finally finally completed this request! I hope you like it my dude <3 I appreciate you and your support a lot

SPN Death Drabble: Comforting the child of Pest because they’re worried for their family

The Horsemen of the Apocalypse were upon the world, and with them so did you rise up to wander the earth once again with them. You weren’t known to the Bible or other writings of the church, you were the only mortal connection that existed to them because you were the child to one of them. 

Your father was none other than Pest, the Horseman who kept on appearing on earth in a steady rhythm. But he would always bear the name of the disease he first created, the one that nearly wiped out the European population in Medieval times. 

The Winchesters slowly came to understand than everything in the Bible might as well be true and exist as Angels and Demons kept on interviewing in their lives. But the Horsemen.. they were something so foreign, something so hard to grasp that they wouldn’t have believed them to be true. And yet.. Lucifer started to summon them one by one. 

Your father was among them, and you were finally reunited with him after the long slumber all of them have been put in. 

And with them appearing again so did your powers. The power than you had inhibited from your father when you were born to a normal woman. That way you both held the power within you that had the world succumb to illness as well as the ability for immunity to said diseases. 

Lucifer had the Horsemen emerge again, but they were not free. The Devil expected them to follow suit with his hatred of Humanity, but with that he gravely misunderstood their nature. They all contributed to the Apocalypse, to Humanities demise, but they were just as natural and inherent to the world as any other Entity. Just because something caused grief didn’t mean it was bad by nature. But your powers scared you nonetheless, the thought that your family would be endangered in this unnaturally triggered process of destruction, puppeteered by Lucifer, made you feel overwhelmed with yourself and your powers.

You had never actually met your him until then, the oldest of them all. Older than god himself and all that came after. Yet the moment he came into the nearly empty Cafe you were sat in as the Storm outside swelled dangerously, sweeping across the streets and knocking over people, cars and streetsigns- the moment you saw him you felt a familiarity in your soul. A blossoming, instant trust.

The Barista dropped to the floor, glass shattered. He picked up a Cup of Coffee from the table of a Customer that was now dead as well, walking around to take a seat across from you. „Y/n.“ You weren’t sure if it was a greeting or a statement. „We didn’t have an addition to the family since World war one. You may be able to guess which one of my brothers fathered a child during that time.“ He leaned his cane against the table, his movements fluent and composed as he took a sip of the coffee.

„Uncle..“ you breathed. A part of you was nervous, the human part most likely, and yet- „I don’t know why, but I‘m very glad you are here.“ Death looked on calm as he always did, but his eyes softened at your words. It was rare, only creatures in agony welcomed his presence and service to the world. But you genuinely meant what you were saying.

„I felt that your energy is disrupted.“ He said. You lowered your head, it was true. „I‘m scared about my family, I don’t know what will happen. My powers seem to malfunction too now, when I‘m anxious I keep casting out disease! I try to keep it down, I tried in so many ways but once I slip for just a moment it gets worse and worse. It feels like I‘m playing into what Lucifer wants, and not who we are. What if my father, what if all of you…“ you felt a knot in your throat and blinked at the tears that welled up inside of you. „What if there is nothing I can do and.. in the end I‘m all left alone?“ You admitted to him, to which he responded with a knowing nod. „I see.“ You both looked out into the storm for a moment, rain started drumming against the window.

„We are forces of nature, and nature isn‘t only nurture towards this world but also destruction. You don‘t need to expect yourself to be fully in control at all times, because look at us all now. Imbalance is part of existence at times, but we will eventually claim our autonomy back. Neither humanity nor yourself can deny any part of who you are, and if you don’t trust yourself to let yourself be whatever you naturally occur to be.. it only causes more loss of control.„ You looked up at him, his dark eyes had authority yet they also offered clarity and the kind of calm that only the finality and eventuality of life could offer. „Nothing is inherently good or bad, those are simply judgements, but not a reflection of who you really are.“ Tears rolled down your cheeks, you nodded and sniffed. He was right.. „And.. what if the Winchesters fail?“

Death reached out to you and closed his slender hands over yours, „None of us are are truly a puppet of Lucifer, and as long as there is life there is us. He may have us spellbound right now, but he is just an angel. He has limits, and none can control nature forever.“ You squeezed his hands, you couldn‘t help yourself from the tears anymore. You were shaking quietly, and lowered your head to the table. It was so overwhelming, and until now you had no one to talk to about this because your father was out of reach. Lucifer send him someplace you didn‘t know, famine and war as well.

Everyone was gone but.. Death had found you. Not only did he know where you were, he approached you too to.. help. He was looking out for you. One of his hands came up to put the hair that was veiling your face behind your ears. „I promise it will eventually come together again. We are scattered now, but it is only a matter of time until we are fully restored and free again. Until then.. you can come with me. And I will find your father.“ You looked up again, gasping quietly as your tears subsided. „You.. thank you, Uncle.“ A slight notion of a smile settled on his face at the name, Death huffed quietly and nodded. „Let us go now.“

[vacancy-virtues]

Please write about vampire Villian and a hero with a neck biting kink

Greetings Anon!

'Tis the season for some neck biting

I hope you enjoy and Happy Halloween!

XXX

#4- "Killing Without Consequence"

Hovels of houses, now barren of any life, stood as more of a headstone for the families who once resided there. They were almost tombs, except in a tomb, one would expect to find a body. Once inhabited and now desolate, Hero could only see a few homes with a fire in the hearth through slotted blinds of the windows.

Hero was told not of an illness wreaking havoc in the Southern town, but rather something more devastating. People were taken in their sleep and not by the merciful hands of death- never to be seen or heard from again. It was an all too familiar plight Hero heard from a handful of groveling townsfolk. While many would see the matter as the end of days, Hero saw it more of a matter of pest control.

There was a vampire nearby.

It only took a visit to the local bar and a skeptical look from the bartender before Hero was able to get the general area of the creatures residence. Miles out on the outskirts of end of town was a dilapidated shed nestled within the tree line. Despite the surrounding greenery, it seemed as though the very life was siphoned out of the foliage in the yard, leaving an abundance of deadened, dry grass and sickly trees within the fence line. The rotted door barely hung on its hinges as Hero slowly walked through the doorway, and was greeted with an affront to the nose of an overwhelming stench of bitter almonds and iron.

"My, not even a knock, or a nervous 'Hello?'" A voice casually cooed from in silence.

"I don't think I would have been invited in." Hero said cautiously, whipping around to find the source of what they heard.

The windows were boarded up, and various bits of cloth hung from the jagged boards. In the dark of the house, it was hard to make out any of the surroundings with the dim light from the doorway. Heros stomach turned as their eyes adjusted- they realized why the fabric looked so odd to them and why it stunk so badly.

"You're... using their clothes as curtains?" Hero hissed in clear disgust, a hand finding a way to their hip to take hold of their knife.

"Well, it's important to use everything from your kills, isn't that what you hunters say?"

The door behind them slammed, and Hero found themselves plunged in darkness. All they had to go off of was the cool and collected voice of the true hunter in the room with them. Their eyes strained in the dark, holding onto the faintest movement in the shadows when they could. Despite having done this so long, Hero still found the chase itself both utterly thrilling and utterly terrifying.

"But... you're not quite like other hunters, are you?" A floorboard creaked behind Hero, causing them to back up considerably in the other direction.

"No, because I fully intend on succeeding in killing you."

Everything happened in an instant. Hero swung immediately behind them. However, their momentum was halted upon the feel of an icy hand gripping their wrist. After years of experience with this sort, it was surprising the Vampire didn't shatter their wrist right then and there. Instead, they wrenched Heros wrist behind them, twisting their body so they were facing away from their captor, their other arm held tight at their side. The feel of their hands ran a chill so deep, Heros veins felt like they were being frosted from the inside out. Nails dug into the skin, puncturing the flesh like a ripened summer peach to let sweet juices flow.

"Mmm... so did the others, but that isn't what sets you apart, dear Hero."

"You-" The grip tightened, causing Heros jaw to set tightly. Their struggle persisted, much to the Vampires amusement. "Get on with your little speech so I can kill you."

The sudden closeness of the Vampire sent a chill down Heros spine as their breath snaked its way under their collar. No vampire before had ever gotten this close to them, and Hero wasn't about to let that change tonight. With a hammering heart in their chest, Hero shot their head back in a poor attempt of a headbutt. The footing was all wrong, and the grip on them didn't help with moment. The Vampire moved a hand to Heros shoulder, and guided their backwards momentum passed them and into one of the boarded up windows with a loud crash.

"I've lived many, many years... and I know what killing out of fear smells like. The many 'brave and fearless' hunters who come confidently clambering into my wake all absolutely wreak of it. Frankly, I think it even taints the blood. Makes it pungent and sour." The broken window permitted a bit of moonlight to stream in and illuminate the incoming figure.

Hero quickly got to their feet, using a nearby table as leverage off the floor. Before they could ready their knife properly, the Vampire had them pinned again in a instant. The Vampires nails threatened to dig into the established wounds. In the dim light, the well-defined features of their face seemed more belonging to that of a marble statue, and the texture of their skin was more akin to a porcelain doll.

"And I don't smell a drop of it on you." The Vampire raised Heros arm, and a long, forked tongue lapped over a stream of blood. "Or taste it."

"I am not some piece of food for you to play with." Hero snapped which only prompted the Vampire to yank their arm harshly.

There was a low chuckle as he proximity between them closed. With one arm holding Heros steadily, keeping the stake in a constant push back strain and the other bracing their wrist against the tables edge, it was almost too easy for the Vampire to find themselves back in that forbidden territory of Heros by their neck.

"Not that you would mind it if you had the choice, no?" They questioned, a slight purr in their voice as they lingered by their ear.

All Hero knew was this trade. Killing vampires in this day and age had become apart of the daily struggles in the world they lived in. No one had a choice in either killing, or getting killed. They could only survive. It was almost as if the Vampire could hear the Heros perplexity at the statement when Hero could feel a cold hand trailing up their arm, a smooth hum resonating through chest.

"What.. what do you mean.." Hero unsteadily said.

"You kill because you enjoy it... You enjoy the thrill of a good hunt, and the possibility of dying is what fuels it more so..." As they spoke, they made sure to sustain every pause, and draw out their words to keep Hero hooked. "Tell me I'm wrong, Hero."

This time, Heros words failed them, only giving them a shake of their head. They lodged in their throat, and they were sure the Vampire could hear the quickening beat of their heart against their rib cage. A sound, which Hero would assume, would be a delicious sound to the Vampires elegantly pointed ears. Hero didn't deny the claims, and merely held their breath as they felt their head lower closer to their neck.

"And you enjoy this..." Despite not really needing to breath, the Vampire sighed against Heros neck, causing their eyes to flutter in time with the familiar shiver for a second. "Do you not, Hero?"

Sharp fangs only barely hooked the skin. It was tender enough to make Hero writhe beneath the Vampires touch, yet not enough to draw blood. Every word, Hero could feel on their skin. There was no heartbeat to be felt under their palms, and no way to tell if they were as flushed as Hero was.

Hero was pissed off. Not for the fact they'd been captured and humiliated so easily for the first time in years, but for the fact the Vampire was right. Many vampires before were either too cocky and got themselves killed, others too far gone it would have been more similar to hunting a wild animal. Because of this grueling and gory life, it wasn't wise to make connections with people. Death was often a kinder mercy than living through the grief of losing someone, and Hero didn't want to pursue that kind of life.

"I saw how you looked at me," The vampire said, cold lips cooling the heated skin below them. "Why not lean into the thrill of it all? Have no fear of dying, and all the adrenaline of truly being alive. To give into the satisfaction of killing without consequence."

There was a haze coming over Hero with the words and sensations, and despite it, it almost sounded like the Vampires suggestion was more similar to a plea. From what they could tell about the norms most vampires held, they were leaders of minions, or near hermits who only come out to feed when they need to. It seemed odd to Hero for a vampire to want to turn someone else... just for the sake of it.

"Many say its a lonely life..." The Vampire placed a soft, lingering kiss on their jugular, before moving back up to their ear. "But it doesn't have to be."

"I ought to kill you for this..."

"You still can, but for what? Giving you an option? Or pointing out what you really enjoy?"

It wasn't until Hero felt two hands about their body, one resting on their arm and the other no longer pushing the knife in defense. The point sat just on the Vampires chest and the other hand rested just on their bicep. They didn't recall when they stopped pushing the knife towards the other, and they didn't find themselves driving it in now.

"I.."

With another, cursed chuckle, the Vampire let go, leaving Hero to stagger against the table. They took a step back, and wore a satisfied grin at the state they left the other in, gasping, fevered and flustered. They smoothed out their shirt before gesturing to the door. It took Hero a moment to catch up and process what all just happened, before the Vampires voice pierced the silence again.

"You have a day to think about it: a choice in the matter. Visit me sooner if you decide, otherwise I will kill you just like the any other human if we cross paths again. Though, I hope it not be the case."

Before Hero could question any further, they staggered out the door, patting their neck for holes or puncture wounds. Their arm hurt, sure, but they weren't drained. As they left, the Vampire watched. With a soft chuckle, he pulled a folded up piece of paper from the pocket of a sweater hanging by the window, and unfolded it to read a news article of a notable vampire hunter on the rise.

"Funny, the picture really didn't do them justice."

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey again Sex Witch!

Thank you so much for your help! I’m the gay guy from the other day whose ask re: sexual attraction you’d answered. You really got to the heart of the matter, and I truly appreciate that.

This might sound silly but… Are you sure it’s really not weird, gross or… otherwise wrong of me to just randomly initiate a conversation with someone in a bar like that? I’m sorry - even if the worst that could happen in theory is just a few awkward seconds, a part of me still thinks that an unsolicited “hey I like your necklace” Is too… forward. lol even if there’s a guy in a jockstrap gyrating two yards away.

Again, sorry for the weird asks. And thank you for all your help!!!

hello again, anon! I'm very glad to hear that I could tap into something resonant for you. doing this kind of work without being able to have a proper one-on-one convo means I sometimes I sometimes have to guess at exactly what the best advice for someone will be, but luckily I've been doing this long enough that I've gotten to be a pretty good guesser :)

I'm 100% certain that it's not weird, and certainly not gross, to approach someone that way, as long as what you're saying is appropriate for the context. for instance, I'd broadly advise against walking up to someone who's, say, sitting in a coffee shop minding their own business and opening with "you have a gorgeous mouth, I want to see my dick in it." there are absolutely people out there that it would work on, sure, but you shouldn't assume that, because the potential to guess wrong and become an instant sex pest are wayyyy too high.

but even that's not wrong in every setting! that guy gyrating in a jockstrap probably wouldn't mind someone being a bit sexually forward; indeed, there's a very good chance that he's doing what he's doing specifically to encourage that.

but there's also a HUGE world of other, much less risque ways to open up a conversation. let's talk about your example with a necklace, and complimenting details about someone's appearance in general:

"hey, I really like [aspect of person's appearance.]" many people (wisely) recommend sticking to things that people pick and have control over - for instance, makeup, piercings, jewelry, tattoos, hairstyles, and clothing, rather than focusing on specific facial features or body parts. there are also a lot of ways to take that one further if you want to go for a more substantial conversation, including the following:

"I like that tattoo/piercing, did you get that done around here?" or "I like that [article of clothing], where did you get it?" gives them the option to provide as much or as little information as they like, potentially tell personal stories you can respond to, etc.

alternatively, if there's an identifiable common interest in their outfit: "hey, is that [thing] a reference to [whatever]? I love [whatever]!" great, now you can talk about d&d/comics/a movie/a band/an anime/literally whatever for as long as you want as a way to get to know each other

or, alternatively: "hey, that looks really cool. is it from something?" again, gives them plenty of options about how much they want to respond, which you can play off accordingly, and honestly? letting people explain a thing to you can be VERY fun, not to mention people LOOOOOVE having an excuse to talk about shit they like.

also, hey, if someone is just wearing an outfit that's really fun overall? something that they clearly took effort putting together to look nice? man, they WANT you to compliment that. they want you to compliment that so bad.

"but Makenzie how do you know?" because I dress like a loud-ass fruit 7 days a week. and I'm not doing specifically because I want people to compliment me, duh, I'm doing it because it's fun, but it's nice when people say something kind about my outfit! it's nice to be noticed! the other day I wore a pair of bright pink overalls and a student passing by me stopped to say that seeing them made her happy because pink is her favorite color! that's a great interaction, nothing unpleasant about it! I've also recently dyed my hair a shade of yellow that can be best described as "highlighter," and a LOT of people have been stopping me wherever I go to let me know how much they like it. that's nice! feels good! I also wear a lot of huge earrings, especially when I'm working at events where I get to meet prospective students for the university where I work, because it gives nervous teenagers something easy to start a conversation with! they say "I like your lego mermaid Batman earrings" and I say "thank you, I wear them so gay people will talk to me!" and then they get to say "whoa, I'M gay!" and then we're off to the races.

obviously it's presumptuous to assume people are dressing to be alluring to you specifically, but there are also very few people in the world who will be upset at being told that their hair looks nice and their outfit is cool and you think their tattoos are awesome.

people are also generally pretty stoked to hear something like "you're a really good dancer!" or "that food/drink looks good, what did you order?" or "sorry, but did I hear you talking about x? I love x! what did you think of xyz?"

statistically most people love to think that they have good taste and hate being the one to make a first move, so if you do both of those things you're already off to a GREAT start.

also, another fun reminder: even if complimenting that necklace doesn't lead to a romantic or sexual connection every time, it does serve as good practice for talking to people and makes you someone who gives compliments easily - and hopefully someone who's good at receiving them back, because many people love to repay a compliment immediately in kind! and it's never bad to be known as somebody who's generous with saying nice things :)

just give it a try; I promise you'll like it once you see how warmly people can respond to even casual praise!

[allycat319]

Unlikely Affection Chapter 10: Night Terrors, Explosions, and The Double Pinky Confession**

My eyes flew open and I looked around the unfamiliar room, attempting to get my bearings. The only light was from a candle on the opposite side of the bed, where I finally noticed a very panicked-looking Severus, sitting up in the bed beside me.

“Oh Severus, I'm so sorry that I woke you up. I was hoping I wouldn't have a night terror tonight.” He stroked my hand and pulled me close to him.

“Shhh, It is alright Darling, What was the dream?” I nuzzled into the space between his neck and shoulder, relishing in the safe feeling being with him provided me.

“Every so often, I dream of my parents' death. I wasn't there, but I read the file in my grandfather's private study... Sometimes I see his face in my dreams…the man that killed them…Sometimes I dream that he is coming to kill me.” I whispered and he held me tighter.

“Dolohov?” Severus asked and I nodded

“Did you know him?” I asked and I could feel Severus go rigid at my question.

“It is late, we can continue this conversation in the morning if you wish.” He kissed me on the forehead and I understood that maybe that conversation would be a bit much when I still needed to go back to sleep and continue to talk about the man that killed my parents."

“I'm not so sure sleep will come to me quickly.” I smiled weakly and began to slide back to my side of the bed, but Severus stopped me and pulled me back to his chest.

“I have an idea that might lull you to sleep…Turn over so your back is facing me.”

I giggled, “Are you going to make me sit through one of your lessons?”

He growled and tickled my side, “Turn over you little pest.”

I screeched at his tickling but complied, he pulled me so my back was resting against his front. Once I had settled he kissed the top of my head and began stroking my hair gently.

After about thirty minutes of him petting my hair, I was fast asleep and when I woke the next morning, Severus was cuddled against me with his legs tucked up under my rear and his arm draped around me protectively.

I enjoyed basking in this relaxing morning with him since school would resume tomorrow and with the second task only a week away he would gradually become more stressed due to the focus of the students diminishing with all of the excitement.

“Good Morning, Little Star.” I heard his deep voice rumble behind me.

“Good Morning.” I sighed, content with walking in his arms.

“What are you thinking about?” He mumbled into my hair, tugging me closer to him.

“Just a funny memory.” I smiled

“And what would that be?”

“I remembered my first year, Edwin, and I thought you were a vampire because you were always lurking in the halls late at night.” I felt him chuckle against me. “There was actually a rumor going around, all of the first years were convinced of it.”

“Your fear of me seems to have diminished.” He huffed.

“I was pretty scared of being your assistant.” I crossed my arms over my chest, he just smirked at me and raised an eyebrow.

“Not you…The courageous Gryffindor.” His tone was mocking and I stuck out my tongue at him, moving so I was an arms distance from him and turning to face him.

“It is a very well-known fact that Gryffindor is your least favorite house. However, Gryffindor House does not require our head of house to show us favoritism to get house points…Unlike Slytherin.”

He was on top of me in an instant, nose pressed against mine and my arms pinned over my head.

“Careful Little Star, You will want to control that tongue of yours while you are a prisoner in the vampire's lair.” Severus leaned in and placed a gentle bite on my neck and I groaned.

He wasted no time unpinning my arms and removing my knickers from my body. Pushing the shirt I was wearing up so my breasts were exposed. I moaned when his mouth attached to my nipple, sucking and tugging on the bud before moving to the next one.

“I’m afraid I do not have the time required to take my time with you, but I cannot allow you to leave this room without having my way with you.” His words were dripping with sex and I groaned.

As he spoke to me he was stroking his hard member up and down my wet slit, gathering lubrication.

When he finally entered me my hands gripped his back so hard through his nightshirt that he was definitely going to have red marks from my nails.

He fucked into me so hard and fast, I knew I wasn't going to last and I knew he was in the same way when his thrust became sloppy and his breathing was ragged against my ear.

“Please don't stop sir,” I begged and he growled, grabbing my hips in his hands and squeezing them roughly.

“I am dangerously close Little Star…”

He didn't have the chance to finish whatever he was going to say before his cum spilled into me, driving me over the cliff and into pure ecstasy.

***Friday Potions Class***

It was the day before the second task and we were brewing calming draught for the first time in potions. Unfortunately, my mind was otherwise occupied with Severus and the fact we had not had a moment's peace since school resumed and somehow, Edwin managed to put ten drops of glumbubble fluid into our potion, instead of the recommended four. Which caused our cauldron to explode sending me flying backward hitting the door to the classroom and Edwin across the room, landing at the feet of George Weasley who helped him up with a laugh before running over to check on me. As my vision faded I heard the faint sound of Severus yelling and Edwin asking if I was alright. I did not have the time to respond before my vision went completely black.

When I woke, I was in the hospital wing and Edwin was gripping my hand tightly while Madam Pomfrey tended to the gash on my head from the impact of the door.

“Rora, I'm so sorry, I lost count of the drops and–” I shushed him and squeezed his hand.

“I’m alive and thankfully in one piece.” I smiled and sat up against the pillows. “I am assuming since you’re here with me, Snape dismissed class.”

Edwin nodded. “Once he called me every name in the book and demanded I get my head checked because ‘Even though there is not much there, your death would be more paperwork than I am willing to do’.” Edwin did a horrible impersonation of Severus when he quoted him and I laughed.

I kept my promise to Severus and had yet to tell Edwin about our relationship so the fact that Edwin hadn't asked why Snape blew up was shocking but welcome considering I did not feel like explaining everything while my head was throbbing.

“Scootch over, my head is killing me too.” Edwin nudged me and crawled into the cot beside me, I laid my bandaged head on his shoulder. We giggled and talked as we lay in the cot for over an hour and then Severus marched into the hospital wing, robes bellowing behind him.

“Glad to see you have forgiven Finley of his stupidity, Miss Astrill.” Severus spoke dryly, shooting Edwin a look at made him tighten his grip on my hand.

“Everyone makes mistakes, Sir.” I smiled and Severus rolled his eyes.

“Once Madam Pomfrey dismisses you, you will come straight to my office. Near-death will not excuse you from your duties.” He sneered turning on his heel and walking out of the room. I knew he wanted me to come to his office so he could make sure I was alright and hiding his concern with bitterness was normal for him.

When Severus was completely out of earshot Edwin spoke up. “He expects you to grade papers after a head injury?” Edwin was angry and I felt bad for letting him think Severus really didn't care about me, so I made the decision to tell him the truth.

“No, he wants to make sure I’m alright. He just won't say it in front of you.” Edwin turned and looked at me, his expression went from anger to confusion.

“Why will he not say it in front of me? He is your teacher, he can be concerned for a student– Wait.” He looked shocked and shook his head. “He is just your teacher? Right?” He whispered

I shrugged “Sure. Among other things.” His jaw dropped and I reached over and placed my hand under his chin, closing his mouth. “This is a double pinky confession, Edwin. Come on.” I held up both of my pinky fingers for him to take.

A double pinky confession was something Edwin and I had made up when we were young, it was like an unbreakable vow in our friendship, minus the death if you break it. There was no magic involved, simply a promise that a secret would stay between us.

Edwin, still wide-eyed moved so he was sitting cross-legged across from me on the cot. He wrapped his pinky fingers around mine and nodded “Okay, confess.”

I explained everything to him, the yule ball, that night in the dungeons, and Christmas break…all of it. By the time I was done explaining everything he looked as if he had seen a demiguise tapdancing on my head.

“Are you putting me on?” He spoke in disbelief and I shook my head just as Madam Pomfrey walked into the room. Telling both of us that we were free to go and just to look after ourselves. When the healer walked out of the room I stood up and grabbed Edwin’s arm. “Come on, he needs to know that you know.”

“This is not a good idea.” He hissed when we arrived at Severus’ office door. “He already hates me, this will make it worse.”

“No, it won’t, stop being such a chicken.” I knocked on the office door and heard Severus’ deep voice telling us to enter on the other side.

He was already standing in the center of the room and when I walked in he enveloped me into his arms, not taking a second to notice that Edwin was standing in the doorway.

“You gave me quite the fright, Little Star.” He spoke into my hair, kissing the top of my head gently.

Edwin cleared his throat awkwardly and Severus stepped away from me so quickly that my head spun.

“Before you panic, he knows,” I said quickly before Severus had the time to get his wand out to obliviate Edwin.

“He figured it out or you told him, Miss Astrill?” Severus sounded angry and Edwin stepped in and closed the door.

“I figured it out, Sir.” Edwin tried to lie but it wasn’t convincing and Severus glared at me.

“Finley, you struggle to remember how to tuck in your shirt. How am I expected to believe you figured all of this out on your own? He gestured between us and moved to sit at his desk, rubbing his temples.

“He was going to figure it out eventually Severus. How do you expect me to sneak around to see you without him knowing…we are always together–.” I stopped speaking when he held up his hand.

“I do not possess the mental agility to be the only adult in this situation at the present moment. Go back to your dormitory and wait for dinner…now.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and stood firm. “You said you didn't mind him knowing and now you change your mind?” Edwin was moving slowly to the door while Severus and I argued, waiting for the moment he would be able to escape the awkward moment.

Severus stood from his desk and braced his hands on the hardwood until his fingers turned paler than usual. “I…Said…Out.” He spoke firmly through his teeth.

“Yes Professor,” I growled, turning and pulling Edwin out of the office by his jumper.

We said nothing to each other as we walked to the common room. I plopped down on the red couch and Edwin joined me in staring at the fireplace until it was time to leave and head to the Great Hall for dinner.

Before we entered the large doors, Edwin pulled me aside “He is probably just overly worried about the whole situation…He has a lot to lose, just try and think about it like that.” I agreed and we entered the hall for dinner, wondering if Severus would join or if he would be sulking in the dark dungeons for the evening.

I did feel pretty horrible for how we left things, and this was our first fight as a…whatever we are. I just hoped he would not stay angry with me for long and we would be able to work everything out, or maybe he would just end things now to save his career and I couldn’t blame him if he did.

[bonefall]

wait, i vaguely remember you saying something about poppyfrost being a patron of gardening?

Yes, I had forgotten to mention her! She will one day be a Patron of Gardening. The Garden was initially her idea, and she is the one who made it what it is today.

Before Poppyfrost, things were rarely planted. Only some hardy types of mint for pest control, and wall plants. Herb gardens were unheard of, spice and medicine was just foraged for. An apprentice would learn about every fox-length of their territory from friends, family, mentors, and where plants and mushrooms had been known to sprout.

But the lake is a new land, and no one knows it as well as the old Forest. Generations of knowledge were gone in an instant.

When Poppyfrost was young, she overheard Leafpool talking about it to Cinderkit once, while telling her about their aunt Cinderpelt. How she wished she had her mentor around to help her look. She became fascinated with that idea, leading her to ponder how plants really work in general.

Funfact: the verb for Cultivating in Clanmew comes from Poppyfrost + Sprouting. She didn't coin it, Jayfeather did. She would never have taken credit for it otherwise.

[cmweller]

Challenge #04112-K094: Data for the Experiments

They enter a swampy area where biting bugs are a real nuisance. The bridges keep people out of the waters, so people can stay dry, at least, but ergh, all the BUGS!! But this is a good test for the enchanted repellants, they were asked to test them after all.

https://peakd.com/fiction/@internutter/challenge-03984-j332-early-access -- Anon Guest

It was fascinating to watch, and Wraithvine watched it intensely. Biting bugs and midges approached hir and hir party, and veered away once they got too close. It was if they had an aura two inches from their skins that repelled the insect plague surrounding them.

Even Lilbit benefitted, never needing to scratch at a flea. Other animals that came into contact with her had a fountain of fleas and tics pouring off their bodies. Other animals, and people, soon noticed.

Those who eked out an existence there didn't care that the bands were experiments by a student. They didn't care that nobody knew how long the charms would last, including the maker themself. They just wanted to know how to order some. They scrambled to send gold, orders, and a courier to the prentice Artificer who had created the prototypes.

[Check the source for the rest of the story]

[captainkurosolaire]

Unsheathe, Heart

Abscission cascaded cherry-blossoms dropping onto piles; translating change, twinkles of stars; wishes of hope shot through enchanted lavender-night skies. A resonator soul was undergoing, these stories. An unlikely-dark figure cloaked of shadow, clutched a helpless flower remaining stalwart in fetal position, blows suffering in defense. Ire disappoint encompass the feature of an Eastern Handler. His Blade served dysfunctional, flawed, it wouldn't slice in the direction appointed any-longer. All because of a woman who interfered with its cruel-temperament.

Another violent penalty-kick unleashed to punish insubordination, sending the compromised once-formidable, Death-Dealer on his back, only further fury surfaced from the Don, revelation's showed leather-gloves clasping delicately a Sakurasou willing to give life for it, forsake steel to wield that?!!' Intolerable... Blasphemy! Jewelry digit's of wealth, reached and grasped a hilt-blade, time for execution...

Unconfined-steel slid outside its cover. The Esteemed One, uttered his grievances, "I your Maker, failed. As-such, I'll dismantle that worthless dishonored stain you've come to become!!!" Plunging an attempted horizontal strike for impaling the prone, Seeker. Sole-boots of the feline, still managing his fight intersected pausing the steel-between feet, preventing his death for a momentarily-time, only glancing strands of raven-locks befell; rolling off dexterously his shoulders, to a kip-up. Spitting a loose tooth towards his aggressor. Golden-star-orbs enclosed-in those of Ancient heritage... Truesight, reigned. The Don's relentless attack followed, but this pest continued dodges until they reached a wall. In a quick-turn of his movement, he'd stuff the flower's stem between his mouth, romantically; death in life were one-of-body. Then springboard-kick off the wall, landing behind his enemy. A deathly-slash vertically attempted to cleave cat-folk's head from shoulder, those pesky-eyes, foresaw! Rozan the Star, felt sharpness ache throughout himself but his trained-experience plunged it down, utilizing that ability, gravely could-be costly. He tucked and leaped a headbutt to the jaw of his Handler came, in that disruption. Honzo knew too well, danger of being too close against this level-of-assassin. Wind of death on his nape, he leapt back fearfully. The Lion Shadow revealed his intentions to have these motion's play-out, controlling the battle. Fetching with agility his discarded Uchigatana. Both men knew the next strike; would be the other's fatal departure. ...There's a moment, An Instance... When a depleted, beaten-spirit can utilize a legendary stance... If the conditions are met, dire. Divergence of soul's twisted corridors are realigned. Selected individual's who acquire this of our Realm... Historically analog throughout fabled-legends. God-slayers, Proven mythical rulers, They. Slice. Destiny. This Flower... This Breathe... Her... Broke-throughout his remaining conscious, into a singular flush.. Serenity.

Both took sword-stance. Eyes closed, feet prepared their flight.

[Limit-Break] <"Thousand Shadow-Petals; Sing!"> Written to soul-engraving Hingashi lettering, fate was slashed. The opposing men, were now across each in an instant. As if Light itself, sound, was erased. The Sun Shadow dropped to a knee seemingly defeated. Yet drew his sword-back to embroidered scabbard. Don Honzo, Manufacturer of Black Miracles hues watered, "Ninety-Eight Shadows will hear this..." "...Peace was just a w-wish." Coherently was allowed to say his omen-prophecy, before a thousand-miniature slices, cuts, revealed from the invisible, rupturing through his body in a torrent. A magnificent brutal-display, slain by grim-petals. True Power is when weak and strong; kiss. Wielding the magenta flower betwixt fingers. Time to report this contract, fulfilled.

[Prev:Chapter]: I Blade - Choose ~ ♪"If We Being Real"♪

[blindbatalex]

on cookies and retirement

“Hi honey, I’m home,” Brad called as the door shut behind him. Patrice’s retirement had been an adjustment for them both but he would be lying if he said a part of him did not enjoy having a househusband to come to. And especially when the house smelled divinely of freshly baked cookies, as it did today.

Patrice seemed to have other ideas. He came gliding through the hallway and before Brad had managed to take his coat off, he was being shoved against the wall, Patrice catching his mouth in a hungry kiss.

Oh, hello to me, Brad thought, pulling Patrice closer, sinking into the warmth of his familiar, gorgeous body.

“Hi,” Patrice murmured when they broke for air, his breath hot against Brad’s face. Brad let out a giddy laugh, smiling as he traced a line over Patrice’s cheek with his thumb.

Sometimes not seeing the man you love for five hours can feel like an eternity, and Brad was eager to drink his fill.

Right now, however, he was also eager to get his hands on those tantalizing cookies.

He slipped away from Patrice’s arms, to head deeper into the hallway, towards the kitchen.

“You've been baking?”

The answer was apparently yeah — some sort of aphrodisiac: in an instant Patrice was there again, wrapping his arms around Brad’s middle and nuzzling his neck with his nose. The feather light kisses he pressed onto the crook of Brad’s neck would have driven even a stronger man insane, so Brad turned around to kiss him properly again, and gave his pert ass a squeeze.

On the other hand, cookies.

“Just one cookie,” he breathed out as he drew away, already a bit lightheaded, “and then I'm yours to do with as you please.”

Patrice did not want to let him go, the grip he had on Brad’s wrist ironclad. It sent a jolt of pleasure through Brad’s body—he loved it when Patrice took complete control like this.

Which made him not want to yield—not just yet.

He shook his head, using his skills as a pest extraordinaire to free himself from Patrice’s grasp.

“Cookies first, baby.”

Pleasure delay, cookies—the same thing, really—and besides, he really wanted a taste.

Something flashed across Patrice’s handsome face, gone almost as quickly but not quickly enough for Brad to miss it.

“I haven't been baking.”

Huh.

“And the house just happens to smell like cinnamon and paradise?”

“I…bought a scented candle.”

No, Brad was right. Patrice may have been playing it cool but he was a big fat liar.

Somehow, about baking cookies.

Brad spent another second gazing into the depths of his husband's pretty brown eyes, his well kissed mouth, and then he turned around and sprinted to the kitchen.

“Oh, come on,” Patrice yelled after him, mask dropped, and judging by the sound of it, also running. But one of them was the captain of an NHL team and the other was a bona fide pensioner, so Brad won the race to the dot.

Sure enough, the oven door was open and there on the counter, buried under a pile of hastily thrown tea towels, was a tray.

Brad had just finished taking in the scene in front of him when Patrice caught up and quickly threw himself in between Brad and the counter—as if the counter, the tray, was an opponent Brad pissed off to protect him from.

“You are unbelievable,” Brad huffed. The manipulative bitch, using Brad’s undying hunger for him for evil ends.

He could dart around Patrice, probably, unmask the cookies but…there was something on Patrice’s face—anguish was too strong a word for it, but it was something—to make him pause.

Instead, he touched Patrice’s elbow, letting a bit of a whine slip into his voice.

“Could I have a cookie if I said please?”

Patrice sighed and his whole body seemed to deflate with the breath leaving his lungs.

“I’d rather you kept what respect you have for me.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “It’s bad.”

This silly man.

Brad tightened his grip on Patrice’s elbow, stroked his arm. Gazed into the depths of his eyes and gave him his brightest, warmest smile.

“Do you think there is anything in this world that could make me love you less? Let alone a batch of failed cookies? Do you think that little of me?”

Patrice glared back, bereft of a retort against the monumental truth of Brad’s words. Though he did huff—

“You are going to laugh.”

“I swear I won’t.”

Patrice regarded him for another moment, wary and suspicious.

How bad were these things? Taste, yeah, it could go quite sideways, but Patrice didn’t even want him looking at them and how badly can an oven humanly fuck up the appearance of a batch of cookies? Especially when you considered that one time they were cooped up at Brad’s place in a blizzard. They weren't dating yet and a venture to make a box mix to pass the time had resulted in a unified and burnt sheet of cookie, singular.

“Fine. But if you laugh—”

“I won't,” Brad reassured him, approaching the counter as Patrice stepped aside. He lifted the tea towel (and then three more tea towels) his mouth watering from the smell and his insides burning with curiosity until–

Brad bit down hard on his lip, desperately fighting to smother the cackle that wanted to rise from his chest.

On the tray, on top of a baking sheet, lay six flat, vaguely circular shapes. They had eyes (and even little noses) made of M&Ms and gazed upon anyone who dared look upon their wretched forms with eternal scorn.

He turned to Patrice.

“Bergy, these are–”

“An abomination against God himself?”

Patrice was actually upset about this. Brad could tell from the shape of his frown, the disappointed, angry glint in his eyes, like he'd lost them a playoff game via a bad turnover.

He placed his hands on Patrice’s hips. Retirement was still hard some days.

He smiled with all he got.

“They are my brethren and I love them. Funky little kings.”

“You don't have to be nice,” Patrice grumbled half-heartedly.

But the thing was—Brad wasn't, really. It took guts to know when to listen to your body and step away, even while still at the top of your game, and it took guts to try something completely new and fail.

And these guys—they weren't a failure. They were flat and haunted, sure, but they filled Brad’s chest with such delight and joy. And besides, they were made by the love of his life, no doubt as a surprise for him. They were badly disfigured rats of love.

And Brad was going to make sure Patrice got that — loud and clear and without the shadow of a doubt.

A/N: inspired by this post which I saw on my dash on the train ride home and it sent me into a writing frenzy