#insta is the only place where I have to deal with this bullshit and while i want to delete my ig

[miutonium]

I already mentioned this on my twitter before but thought I just wanna add it here lol so if any of you guys followed my art ig, you might notice that I closed off all of my replies, comments and dms and that's because I keep getting unwarranted dms but more importantly there is this one person on insta that i think is a bit....odd.

So there's this person that keeps following and then unfollowing me either hours or days later. Normally I won't notice this because I don't check on people's profile but the reason I remember this is because this person tried reaching to me before. Basically they said they were glad they found someone that likes professor and starts dumping to me about how they likes him ever since they were a kid and then they're married to Utonium.

First of all, yes, I am totally fine with sharing. But you have to agree with me that saying "Oh you like the fictional character that I liked? Thats so cool omg btw we are married before you know him" as if you are claiming that character first is weird. And second, I barely talk about my selfship, I only post my art. At least if you want to talk to me, don't open with something like "I'm Utonium's wife." Like ???? That is weird are you trying to assert dominance on me???

Anyway I didn't bother to reply to them and for the next few weeks they reply to my stories occassionally just to try and see if I will reply but of course I didn't reply so their last reply were "Hello?" And I don't get any dms from them anymore.

After that I keep seeing their acc following and unfollowing me and usually I will block immediately because it's always safe than sorry but whenever I want to do so their acc just gone so I didn't manage to do that so now the only way for me to keep myself safe is to just shut down all means of communication.

Anyway I am still okay with sharing just that I wish people have manners and try to talk to me normally instead of immediately trying to assert your ship to me lol I swear I am fine and if I'm nice enough I will literally draw the shared f/o and you for free because I want to but like if you creep me out, chances are I wont talk to you and probably block you lol

[alligatorjesie]

John Boyega did not make a mildly sexual joke to a friend. He said an outright sexual harassing comment about a MARRIED NOT TO HIM WOMAN who he says is his friend, a coworker on a movie Geared Towards Children, to one up some shit ass on fucking twitter of all fucking places.

An Alt-right sock puppet account at that:

Link to that full article here for anyone who is interested. It's a... well I won't call it a fun read because it's not but relevant to the bullshit people like you enjoy spewing.

Take his comment about laying pipe, which means To Have Sex With Someone, to the MARRIED WOMAN WHO HE SAYS IS HIS FRIEND and apply it to any woman in your place of work.

Does that feel weird to you?

Apply this 'laying pipe' comment to Jennifer who works the cash register, who is married with 2 kids and only smiles at you because she'll get fired if she doesn't. I think there's a phrase for what you're doing and why it's wrong, it's called Sexual Harassment.

I do not believe Daisy gave the OK for John to make a sexual comments about his characters fucking her character in a movie made for kids. This poor bitch was probably just at home with HER HUSBAND WHO IS NOT JOHN just minding her own shit.

I highly fucking doubt Daisy enjoyed dealing with that backlash fortunately for us she wasn't on the internet at that time I believe because those same Alt-Right shit-for-brains chassed her off the internet because she had the audacity to say guns should be controlled.

Oh what does this mean the reylos were not the reason Daisy left Insta? Oh fuck no. The very keystone of your personality has just crumbled, what will you do now? I guess you should try to not be an fucking asshole for a little while see how that goes for you?

No one in the reylo fandom is trying to erase Finn. We actually like Finn a lot as a character or else he wouldn't show up in so many reylo fanfictions.

For example; this is just a random sampling of all the fanfctions I have open in tabs right now and as you can see out of the 17 I have open, Finn is in over half of them.

Finn is in at least 10 out of 17 of these, and again these are at random. I don't pick fics with any intention, I just see some stupid smutty plot I might enjoy and go into it blind.

People who hate a character don't go through this amount of effort to have him in their fan fics.

You don't strike me as a creative but I can assure you writing is great effort and you wouldn't bank the effort unless you cared.

We love Finn. He's a great character with a lot of wasted potential but The Last Jedi is not where that potential was wasted.

We also understand that actors are not the people they play in movies so when The Actors do bad things like Sexually Harass their coworkers on twitter for fake internet points we can subjectively look at THE ACTOR and not mindlessly lick the fucking ground the person walks on.

John did a bad thing. Understanding he's human and has the capability of not being perfect is healthy. If it came out that Adam Driver did some shit like that I'll get on his ass about it too but we won't ever see that because Adam Driver does the smart thing and doesn't have social media.

Listen, you are the reason you can't avoid reylos.

I'm not kicking down your fucking door and demanding you throw reylo into your search engine every now and then to see what the fuck we're up to.

Not a single soul asked you to sit down and read Reylo Metas About The Ship Reylo on YOUR OWN FUCKING TIME.

The fact you hate reylo so much but know these metas existed says more about you than us.

Sexual imagery is not new in Star Wars For example the clitoris balcony in the ep2:

Those are clitoral hoods. They didn't even hide it.

Which is a good thing because Rian put a few of those into EP8 too.

Say what you will about our dumb metas but these are vaginal openings and They Are Not Subtle.

This animal just has her tits out and Luke milks them right there.

Like there is no question that milk comes from tits and these are tits. They showed Functioning Tits in a Star Wars movie.

Or Rian Johnson straight up saying the hand touching scene was the closest to a sex scene we'll ever get in a Star Wars movie:

We're just dumb fans enjoying our fandom, what the fuck is your excuse?

You are in control of what you see on this website and most others, if you dislike reylo so fucking much block the tag mate.

Go on about your own shit.

No one in this fandom wants to see you here that's for fucking sure. Let the door hit you on the ass on the way out won't you?

the fact that reylos still think people hate them over “ship discourse” when it’s actually because they were evil and racist as shit to john boyega and (as a lesser crime) were just annoying and hard to avoid between like. 2017 and 2019. like girl idc that you have trash tastes i care that you erased finn to make kylo ren a white version of him and then called john boyega a racial slur when he had the audacity to make a mildly sexual joke (meanwhile y’all were zooming in on daisy ridley’s completely flat stomach after she openly admitted to sw fans destroying her self esteem and speculating on some weird force baby. also throne room sex meta sorry for reminding you all of that.)

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

hi I’m here to review the Clementine comic. it’s not good.

Does this even need an introduction? You know why I’ve gathered you all here today. You know the comic exists, and you probably know that it’s not great and we’re all upset about it. 

Myself included. I am not okay. At all. 

Skybound could’ve literally spit in my face and I’d come out feeling better than I did reading this comic, because this comic is an insult to the original Telltale games and Clementine as a character. 

This comic is a fancy fanfic. Glorified fanfiction. It’s not canon, and Skybound and Tillie can pretend that it is, but it’s not. Bold of them to assume we’d just accept this from people who didn’t work on the original games and never wrote for Clementine before, and based on this comic alone, any chance of us taking it seriously is gone. 

I’m gonna go through every single page, every panel, of this comic and give you my review. So I guess if you’re worried about spoilers [though at this point why would you?] then be warned, spoilers for the entire comic ahead. 

I also wanna add that I have nothing against Tillie Walden. I know a lot of dingdongs are harassing her on insta over this comic and that’s not okay. You telling her how much you hate her isn’t going to change anything. If anything, you keep being assholes to her and she’s just gonna block everything out, even things simply critiquing her work in hopes that it helps her improve. 

You’re allowed to be upset about the comic and share your feelings about it, but don’t take it out on the actual human being like that. Besides, like I’ve said before, if Tillie wasn’t gonna make the comic, Skybound would’ve found someone else to do. This was coming no matter what because Skybound wants that coin. 

That being said, I’m not going to hold back my opinions on this comic. Skybound and Tillie made this comic, they put it out there and asked for money for it, therefore I’m allowed to explain why it’s garbage as well as ponder over the questionable intent and whether or not Tillie actually has played these games. Y’know, it’s like how I have nothing against Kent, but sometimes he says things I disagree with and well, y’know how it goes. 

Alright, this is gonna be long, so let’s go--

The first few shots we get are of the school, two people sleeping, and Clementine’s empty bed. Nothing super note-worthy, we have no idea who is sleeping in the beds, it’s just there to establish that it’s early and everyone’s still asleep. 

The drawing of the school looks fine? Not super accurate, but I can give it a pass since it’s a few years later, I assume. What I can’t give a pass is how you managed to already mess up on the first page of your comic. 

Because..... why are you implying that Clementine’s room is upstairs? First of all, seems kinda dumb to put Clem, who has only one leg and has to walk with crutches, upstairs. Also, if you’ve played TFS and paid any attention to where her room is actually located [the dorms] then you’d know there isn’t any stairs leading to their floor. It’s the side building next to the admin building, you walk through the door, go down the hall, take a left and their dorm is right there sooo..... 

Oh right, it’s probably done this way so that we can have such a suspenseful moment where Clementine is sneaking out while the others are asleep and her foot makes a creeeeeeakk that could wake everyone up, thwarting her plans of abandoning everyone quietly so she doesn’t have to deal with any consequences. 

Because yeah, Clementine is sneaking out with all of her supplies because apparently, she’s been planning an escape from this place for a while. 

And just look at how gosh darn happy she is about it. You can’t see or hear me, but know that I’m laughing. Don’t worry, I will talk about her abandoning everyone later.

But first, I have a gripe with Clementine's design in this comic. It doesn’t look like her. This art of her right here is the most accurate we get throughout all 12 pages, and it’s the best looking, too. 

Moving on, she slams the door shut while this walker changes faces and hair between panels, so that’s cool. I will say, I like the idea of the Ericson crew putting spikes on the door. That’s fun. 

Though Clementine slamming the door shut while trying to sneak out seems counter productive but it fits with the theme this comic has of inconsistency, so it works. 

Next we have Clementine going to what I believe is the fishing shack by the river, and she’s going through some things that she’s stashed away, telling us that she’s been planning this escape for a while. 

Oh good, she has a map. Well at least now she won’t get lost out there in the woods while she makes her escape... also that last panel with her profile.... why does it look so funny? Like this page of the comic doesn’t look too bad, but there is something off putting about her eye there and how she has zero expression. 

And it turns out that rustle was a walker, and Clementine is super inconvenienced by this and gives us our first piece of witty dialogue.

Yeah you dumb walker, can’t you see Clementine is busy running away from home and abandoning all of her loved ones without a single goodbye so she doesn’t have to witness the consequences of her selfish actions?? Gosh, so rude.

Just a heads up, the dialogue in this comic is stilted, emotionless, and bland. The words have no flow, no charm, and never feel like they should be coming out of Clementine’s mouth. Then again, the upcoming graphic novels this is tied to are for young adult/middle graders so I guess we have to dumb everything down so their baby brains can process it. 

.....Why does her face look like that? Also, interesting that she decided to move her ponytail to the other side of her head.... which is a thing that happens throughout this comic, her hair will randomly change sides. 

I believe it’s a metaphor for her changing and inconsistent personality. 

So yeah, Clementine is just making off with the supplies she gathered [I’m sure Ericson doesn’t need ‘em anyway] and she’s just so gosh darn annoyed at all these small inconveniences bothering her.... because it’s just too early for this. 

.....Again, why does her face look like that?

I’m sorry, like I get it, Tillie’s style is supposed to be purposely messy yet minimal but it doesn’t work. When you do a comic in a more messy style, usually it has charm and heart put into it. Effort goes into the messy look, and when things are minimal, that usually means more clean, yeah? So you put them together and just..... that is nothing resembling Clementine’s face. 

Can we just--

Look at canon Clementine’s face. Look at the way her eyebrows are shapes, how wide her eyes are with her eye lashes. The dirt on her skin, the lines-- there is so much personality in her features. It doesn’t matter if she’s wearing a neutral expression or she’s expressing anger or joy or sorrow or whatever. 

Now, is it fair to compare a model of Clem from the games to the Clem in this comic? Well, I assume that if Tillie is doing this comic, she would use references from the game to ensure that Clementine is recognizable, especially now that she’s no longer wearing her signature hat. 

So why does she look like this? Why do I look at these drawings of her face and see nothing but a pair of eyes, a nose, and a mouth? You might as well draw me a simple smiley face. And I get that it’s a comic, and it’s a lot of work to draw the same character over and over again and you gotta cut corners somewhere, but maybe put some effort into the close up shots of her face so that we can actually see it’s her? 

Other fan artists have made comics in their styles that shine bright with Clementine’s personality, so what happened here? 

Anyway, surprise..... it’s not a walker annoying Clementine. 

........Why does AJ look like that??? I’m sorry, I hate to do the same thing I just did but--

Just because you put Clementine’s hat on AJ that doesn’t automatically make it him. I just.... wow. This feels like there wasn’t a single reference involved, like if someone gave Tillie a basic description of AJ and she just did this. 

But appearances aside, what is AJ saying? He says that he knew it, that Clementine’s leaving and I cannot stand this dialogue. It’s unnatural. Again, I know you wanna dumb it down for all of us because I guess we dumb.... but this conversation does not feel natural. 

“I knew it. You’re leaving.” “AJ....” “I’m coming.”

Even if you changed it to, “I’m coming with you.” it would sound more natural. Hell, he doesn’t even question WHY she’s leaving, he just stands there like “I’m coming” like??? I’m sorry, have you ever heard a single word this murder baby has said? I assume you have because I assume you actually played TFS, right? Soooo.... what happened here?

.....whY DO THEIR FACES LOOK LIEK THAT KSAJDLKJAS:LKDJLKASJD:L--

So now we’re getting into it.... into the bullshit. 

Clementine tells AJ to go back to the school, and AJ says that she wasn’t even going to say goodbye..... and then more bad dialogue that sound unnatural when you try to fucking read it. 

First off.... AJ’s reaction to Clementine attempting to leave is barely anything. Again, I hate to keep questioning if you actually played TFS, but AJ would throw a fucking fit if he caught Clementine out here ALONE like this, attempting to leave. 

And then he says “Like last time? You were going to come back?” this sentence makes my brain hurt. I just.... “Like last time, right? You’re coming back?” UGH

Wow, I feel nothing. 

I’m sitting here watching these two imposters with fucked up faces who are supposed to be Clementine and AJ and I feel nothing. 

I’m not even going to comment on the faces anymore. You can see it. You know. 

So yeah... AJ tells her the #1 rule, and reminds her that she promised.

Y’know.... she promised that she would never leave him again? Remember? At the McCarroll ranch? That flashback that was in TFS? The one you would watch if you played the game? 

Why is she looking straight at me when she should be looking at AJ as she says this? Is this Clementine’s way of telling me she’s sorry for what a shitty direction this is taking? I wouldn’t know because her face isn’t doing anything. Just because you draw a couple of tears that doesn’t mean I’m feeling the emotional heartbreak you’re attempting to convey. 

I don’t have enough middle fingers for this.

Well, my hat’s off to you. Ya did it. Ya fucked up everything single part of Clementine’s character in the span of two pages, I’m almost impressed. 

First off, the baby thing is weird. Why is she calling him that? She’s never called him that, which you should know.

Second, she’s not happy and that’s why she’s leaving. Clementine isn’t happy, and AJ can’t make her happy. Ericson can’t make her happy. So she’s going to go out on the road to.... what, be unhappy by herself? 

I’m sorry, but apparently we need a few reminders here of who Clementine is, because this isn’t her. 

This is Clementine. 

Clementine fought for years to find a home, something she hasn’t had since she was an eight-year-old girl before the apocalypse. The motor-inn wasn’t a home, the cabin wasn’t home, the ski-lodge, Howe’s, Wellington, Richmond, Prescott, none of them were home. 

She struggled for years, dealing with trauma after trauma while out on the road. She went from group to group, watching people she cared about die and she was powerless to do anything about it. Whenever she let her guard down and become comfortable, it bit in her in the ass and left her heartbroken.

She was there when AJ was born. She grew close to Rebecca while she was pregnant, she let herself do that even after everything she went through with Christa. Clementine had a bond with AJ even before he was born, and after Rebecca died, she did what she could to keep him safe, despite play choice. 

She cried when she thought AJ died and when she found him in that car again. She swore to protect him, to raise him right and love him. All they had was each other. 

And when she joined the new frontier and AJ got sick, she risked everything to save him and she was devastated when they took him away from her. When she found out he was alive, she is willing to go as far as helping Lingard overdose [INJECTING HIM HERSELF IF SHE HAS TO] to figure out his location. She did shitty things to find him, she killed people at McCarroll Ranch to find him again. 

Clementine raised him and he is her family, do you understand that? She went to hell and back for him, she taught him how to protect himself, and even though she made mistakes she sacrificed everything for him. She promised him that they would have a home of their own one day, she talked about how much she wished for a world where she didn’t have to worry about fighting and killing and AJ could just be a happy kid. 

She fought for Ericson, she watched her friends die or become mutilated by someone from her past. She allowed herself to be vulnerable enough to pursue a romantic relationship with Louis or Violet because she felt safe with them, felt safe at Ericson because it’s their home now. 

And when Clementine was bit, she thought she was going to die but she still fought to make sure AJ would be safe and happy without her and it was heartbreaking. She’s dying and the only thing she cares about is AJ. Not herself, not what’s going to happen to her after she dies or turns... no, she tries to make AJ smile again, she makes sure he remembers the rules, and she tells him that she loves him. 

Then he cuts off her leg, and she survives. AJ saved her fucking life, and she got to wake up at home and live to see her family again. She got to push AJ on a tire swing, she got to eat a hot meal and laugh with her friends, she got to make plans with her lover/best friend for what’s next for Ericson, and she got to talk to AJ and tell him the truth... and she asked him if she did a good job, and he’s honest with her right back. 

Hell, she tells him to keep her hat. Her iconic hat. The one thing she has left of her father, possibly her more cherished item. She lets him keep it. 

The last time we see Clementine, she’s happy. She’s sitting on the steps by herself, staring at her family with such fondness in her eyes and a smile on her face because she finally did it. She finally found a home where she can breathe. She has a bed to sleep in, she has AJ with her, she has a boyfriend/girlfriend who loves her and who she loves back, she has friends she can rely on. 

Clementine smiles, and lets out a small laugh. 

She doesn’t have to run anymore. 

And now you have the balls to tell me that AJ and Ericson don’t make Clementine happy anymore. 

She abandons everything to go back out on the road again, and that’s proof enough for me that you don’t understand a damn thing about Clementine or her journey. 

“ I don't even know the person I'm talking about... It's like all we have in common is the same name.” 

....Anyway.

Wow, Clementine found a car and kept is stashed. How lazy and convenient for this bullshit plot. 

And this is the part where I have to tell this comic to fuck off. 

What, you think if you throw in an incredibly inaccurate flashback next to a current pair of hugging Clem and AJ that I’ll feel anything but anger? That flashback is a slap to the face. It’s snowing, but the only time we’ve seen snow is in S2 when AJ was a literal new born, so why is he that big? Is that supposed to be from ANF because that ALSO doesn’t look like that AJ, and that’s not the outfit Clementine had on... AND there was no snow. This is cheap and meaningless. 

Any fan of the series who has played through the games could tell you this. 

So.... AJ runs into the woods and then we get this garbage.

This comic is awful. It misses the point of everything TFS, and the rest of the series, stood for. There is no heart here. I feel no happiness in reading it, and I don’t detect any passion behind it. It’s a lifeless comic that retcons everything in order to throw AJ away and start fresh with a new adventure for Clementine that makes no sense because the cow isn’t profitable unless it’s milked. 

This isn’t canon, and it won’t ever be canon, and honestly? At this point, I have no faith in the graphic novel trilogy. It will take a lot to do a turn around from this, and I don’t even know if that’s possible. 

Again, to reiterate, I don’t have anything personal against Tillie Walden herself. She’s just doing her job, and from what I’ve seen of her as a person, she seems like a sweetheart. I don’t want anyone giving her shit because I think the comic isn’t good or that you agree with me. All of my anger is directed at the comic itself, her work, not specifically her.... and a little bit at Skybound, because they’re the reason this is even a thing in the first place. 

So yeah.... there ya have it. 

[canonicallysoulmates]

Last week Jensen was on Rosenbaum’s podcast, this week it’s Jared’s turn. Just like with Jensen’s I recommend checking Jared’s out it is for free on youtube, I will be linking to it at the end of this post, and I also recommend checking out his first appearance on Rosenbaum’s podcast. 

While Jensen’s appearance was recorded in the beginnings of the boys Vancouver quarantine, Jared’s was recorded a little more recently after the boys had resumed production and when they were starting on the final episode nonetheless if you are looking for information regarding Supernatural and/or the final epis you will not find them here, Jared actually didn’t talk much about the show. He did however open up about some topics including his arrest. 

Of course, they are two different people whose interviews were done at different moments in time and who got asked different questions but this had a very different feel from Jensen’s; while Jensen’s felt more interview like, this felt very much like a conversation between two friends who’ve known each other for years....the majority of the time. 

Here’s the thing, and some of y’all are not gonna like me for this....while the conversation had its deep moments and Jared opened up about some personal stuff it felt to me like a more open version of how he is in conventions. Which is not a bad thing! But it’s not like last time where he was, imo, a version of himself that only those in his circle might get to hear. There was some fuckery people, okay? There was some fuckery and we will be talking about it.

I am going to put a disclaimer here, just in case, that this post is not going to be G*nevieve friendly. Or friendly towards her and Jared’s “marriage”. 

Before we get into what Jared said and talked about, I do want to take a minute to acknowledge and say condolences to Rosenbaum and his family, one of his sisters recently passed away after being sick pretty much her whole life. 

I also wanna say real quickly that something that I really like, and I would say even respect, about Rosenbaum is how open he is about things and listening to the intro of this “episode” made me realize why it is that he gets his guests to open up so often; I think it’s because he himself is open about his struggles and his issues and he is free of judgement so if you confess to something stupid he’s not gonna judge you for it, he’s also willing to cut things out if his guests ask him too so his guests know they can talk to him and he will understand and not judge them and will respect their privacy and cut something out if they ask it of him so they can talk freely. 

Okay, after all that let’s get into what Jared said and talked about in the podcast. FYI, much like in the Jensen post, from here forth Rosenbaum will be referred to as MR for convenience. 

- The conversation starts on what I considered to be a funny note with Jared talking about his infrared sauna blanket which he travels with that is such a weird item to travel with I can’t with the white richness of it all but hey we all got our quirks 😂

- After that the conversation turns pretty serious and deep, he talked about Sadie and having to make the decision to put her to sleep. He was tearing up talking about it, and I’m not gonna lie I myself was crying - hell I’m tearing up as I’m writing this not just because I can’t handle seeing this man cry but because I know what he’s talking about, I know that pain, I know what he meant by Sadie looking at him like it was time for her to go, I know what it’s like to be in that room with a beloved pet as they’re taking their last breath...I have had to put two of my cats to sleep in the past and it’s the most difficult and heartbreaking decision one sometimes has to make as a pet owner. 😔

- Something I like about when MR and Jared talk to each other is that they have very similar personalities in some ways and they’re good friends so when they’re talking it very quickly turns into two friends talking to one another which means the conversation is all over the place. In a good way. They got into a conversation about living in the moment and how social media and cell phones can affect that; I, personally, found it fascinating. I love hearing them discuss their different POV’s about these types of topics. 

- And here’s where we get to the fake. I’m writing this post at an extremely late hour but I’m determined to get it up before I go to bed and I really wanna go to bed, so I’m gonna try to get through this as fast as possible so strap in cause there’s a lot of bullshit to quickly wade through in this section. 

Jared starts praising the fuck out of G like this man was going for it, he was really pilling it on nice and thick. So, there I am watching this with my eyes about to roll right out of my skull wondering what was up with all the fuckery cause there’s being civil and a gentleman and then there was this when a light bulb goes off above my head 💡: When this was filmed, he already knew she had been cast to play his wife on Walker, he probably figured out that by the time this aired either the news would have already been out or would be announced soon so he’s hyping her up in the only way he knows how which works anyways cause the character she’s playing is his wife and her likability is in part going to rely on people overlooking her bad acting and the nepotism to focus on her being married to Jared in real life cause people love when irl couples work together even more when they’re playing a couple. From what I’ve seen it makes people less likely to call out a lack of chemistry cause then they feel like they’re insulting the couple.

He hypes her up using the same script he and Jensen have used in the convention circuit for years when it comes to praising the wives complete with classics such as ‘i’m never home so i never knew she did so much’ and ‘i ask her what i can do and she tells me to take out the garbage’. Nothing new is added to the script, he doesn’t go into details about what makes her amazing or about “all she does” he just pretty much says over and over that she’s incredible and does so much, if he meant it and she really does “so much” why not go into detail? It’d be so easy of him to say something like ‘oh, she’s always making us healthy meals and trying out new recipes’ which can be backed up by her insta because during quarantine she did a bunch of insta stories about cooking and checking out recipe books like goddamn Jared if you’re gonna lay it thick at least put in the effort even I could hype her up better and I don’t even like her. 

It all comes off as very insincere, have y’all ever seen somebody talk about the person they love? You can tell in their voice, in their eyes, some even get a fond little smile. It’s actually quite cute to watch but there’s none of that here, even when he mentions G giving birth there’s no emotion there’s no sincerity, it’s like he’s saying all the right things but he doesn’t believe them. It reminds me off- have you ever had someone, maybe it’s a friend or a romantic partner or whatever just someone who you’re introducing to somebody else or a group of people and you really need them to like this person you’re introducing so you start to sell them meaning you just start singing their praises to an over the top extend as if you were a car dealer trying to boost up their merch? Yeah, it’s like that. 

I don’t believe for one second that she volunteered to go with him to Van so he wouldn’t be alone like Jared go to somebody else with that story 🙄

I did have to laugh at some parts cause he was laying it on thick as if I didn’t remember and know that he looked miserable in almost all the pics G posted of him from quarantine right from the beginning, and being all ‘she doesn’t have any time for herself’ well clearly she found some time cause she does her little yoga collabs, she’s had her little photo shoots, she’s done a bunch of sponsored ads, she did her clothing collab with Kohl’s, she started a book club clearly she has the fucking time to do things for herself and pursue hobbies. He also said with three kids he didn’t have time for himself which I found funny because I don’t know if y’all remember this but early on in the quarantine Jared and G did a livestream and in it he mentioned several times that he was using his time for phone calls and even way too seriously said he was handling cabin fever by hiding and letting G handle the kids so....

It’s also an interesting contrast between what Jensen said in his podcast appearance because while Jared tried to make it sound as if G had no time for herself and like that’d be impossible with three kids, Jensen pretty much said the opposite, he said that he and D would sometimes take the kids and entertain them so the other one could have some space to do their own thing, and even gave an example of settling the kids with a movie so the parents can have their own space at the same time. 

- Moving on from that fuckery, the rest of the conversation was very deep and interesting. He talked about going to therapy and once again mentions being afraid of fucking up his kids, but adds that he’s come to realize that no matter what he does he’s gonna fuck up his kids anyways cause that’s what every parent does even if they’re amazing. This is a statement that I very much agree with it doesn’t matter how amazing a parent is they’re gonna make mistakes and fuck you up. 

He talked about his anxiety and his depression and how he doesn’t like to say he suffers from it because it makes him sound like a victim he prefers to say he deals with anxiety. 

This is gonna sound so weird but I loved something Jared said about death, MR talked about his anxiety and he said that his psychologist told him anxiety is always in the backseat and a. that is so true I think pretty much anybody who suffers from anxiety can tell you that it’s always there but b. Jared mentioned that he head somebody talk about death the same way, that death is always in the passenger seat but they become a friend. I know for some this might sound concerning or macabre but personally I think this is the best way to think about death not as something to hate but as a friend who is always besides you and that doesn’t mean you’re in any rush to welcome its embrace but it does mean you don’t fear it. 

He said that now a days if he wakes up and doesn’t feel anxiety he’s like ‘what’s wrong?’ which honestly relatable af

And I am paraphrasing btw, this is the cliffnotes version of a very deep in-depth part of the conversation between him and MR starting when they’re talking about therapy the whole thing is very interesting I’m not doing it justice. 

- Towards the end of the podcast Jared opened up about his arrest. He said he has no real recollection of what happened, he doesn’t know if maybe he was drugged or just got black out drunk but he doesn’t remember the fight he just remembers up to the point of going to his friends bar. He has seen the security tapes of that night, saying he didn’t recognize himself due to the way he was acting. He thinks perhaps because he has been jumped before that maybe he acted on instinct to fight back. It is not something he is proud of and he doesn’t make excuses, he knows he fucked up. He also says he has not drank since then. 

I am very proud of him for opening up about this, and for either quitting or limiting his alcohol consumption - quite honestly I’m not sure if he has full on stopped drinking or if he is just limiting himself to only once in a blue moon cause I do know people, hell I am one of these people, I don’t drink 99% of the time but if it’s a special occasion or I’m just chilling with someone I know and they’re having a drink I might have one or a sip or two so technically I don’t drink so I don’t know if maybe that’s what he’s decided to do or if he’s quit alcohol forever, either way I’m very proud of him. I’m proud of him for opening up about this and for talking about his mental health and therapy.

With the exception of some fuckery he really did open up about some things and I highly recommend giving it a listen/watch because when it’s the real him talking it’s a very insightful conversation.

Inside of you | Jared Padalecki

[myhockeyworld87]

DM (Damaging Messages) - Tyler Seguin

Word Count: 1,159

Requested: Yes

Warnings: Language

When you first met Tyler he was all roses and champagne all the time. He did everything that he could to win you over and it totally worked. You were into him hook, line and sinker, no matter how many people told you he was a player. You just didn’t believe them. He was too sweet and attentive to be the guy that they talked about. Your standard answer was that he’d matured and put all that behind him, or so you thought.

 You were a year into the relationship when rumors started flying about that he was sending up his signature bat signal again every time he was on an away trip. When you’d ask him about it, he’d blow it off and tell you, that the view was too nice from the hotel room not to take a picture, or that it was the first snowfall. There was always an excuse and damn if you didn’t believe them.

 Weeks later you started getting DMs from people you didn’t know claiming that he was hooking up with them. They gave dates, times, and even places. It made you sick to your stomach. The first few you ignored, chalking it up to crazy fangirls, but when they kept coming in you had no choice but to ask him about them.

 “Ty, where did you go again last night?”

 “Over to Chubbs to watch the Predators game. Why?”

 “I thought you said it was Rads?” Actually, you knew he said Jamie’s but you wanted to see how he’d answer.

 “No babe it was Jamie’s, but you still didn’t tell me why?”

 “It’s just some random in my Insta telling me they slept with you last night again.” You’d had this discussion so many times and he always said the same thing.

 “Babe, I don’t know why you even open those. It’s all bullshit, just trying to break us up.” He took you in his arms then, the sweet caring Tyler that you knew coming out.

 “I know Ty. I’m sorry for not trusting you.” And so it went every couple of weeks when you would get another DM in. 

 Until the one night that he was on a particularly long home stretch. Tyler had said that the guys were going out. It didn’t really bother you that he was, but your friends decided it was the perfect time to see if there were any truth to these messages you kept getting. They decided the best plan was to just stake out Tyler’s place and wait to see where he went. The only thing was, he never left. Part of you was relieved because it meant that you were right to trust him. You tried to convince them to just leave but they insisted you wait a while longer. 

 It wasn’t long before a strange car pulled into the drive, a sexy blonde getting out and going to the door. Tyler opened it and pulled her into a passionate kiss. You could’ve thrown up right there, for you realized it was the same girl that had been messaging you. Lucky for you one of your friends snapped a pic of the two of them, so you could call him out on it when you were ready. They drove off and you all went back to your place where you drank yourself into oblivion. 

 When you finally woke up, hungover as hell, you noticed you had a bunch of missed calls from Tyler. They were all after three in the morning. There were a couple voicemails as well, saying that he just got home and he wanted you to come over. It disgusted you. You refused to call him back and turned your phone off so you wouldn’t have to deal with him. 

 After downing some water, along with some Tylenol, you took a shower and made yourself presentable. Then spent the rest of the day on the couch, bingeing sapping movies while you sat there crying eating a bag of chips. Some people preferred chocolate or ice cream at this time, but your go-to had always been something salty, maybe it reflected your mood. 

 It was late in the evening when you heard a knock on your door. You got up, hoping that it was one of your friends come back to commiserate with you. Unfortunately, it was Tyler. You choose not to answer the door and instead just stood there. “Come on (Y/N), answer the door. I could hear you on the other side.” Shit, why did your apartment have to be so loud at times? “I don’t know why you’re not answering my calls. Just let me in so we can talk about whatever it is.”

 “Go away, Tyler. I don’t want to see you.” 

 “Please babe, I just want to talk.” You really didn’t want to but decided it was better to just rip the bandaid off now than to wait. Unlocking the door, you let him inside. “Babe, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve been crying.” He went to take you in his arms and you deftly moved out of his reach. He looked as if you’d struck him instead of avoiding him altogether. “Jesus, (Y/N), what’s wrong?”

 “How long Ty? That’s all I want to know.”

 “How long for what?”

 “Don’t play fucking dumb with me. I know you’ve been fucking that girl that sent me those messages.” You walked over to the couch then, to grab your phone.

 “Babe, how many times do I have to tell you? That’s just some crazy fangirl that’s sending you those. It happens a lot to all of the guys.” It was just like Tyler to drag his teammates into this as well.

 “Don’t even try to lie you’re way out of this one Ty. I saw you with her.” You were so sick of the lies. “We’re done, Ty. I want you out of my apartment and out of my life.”

 “Babe you don’t know what you’re talking about. Why are you doing this to me?”

 “You did this to yourself!” You fairly spat the words at him, then scrolled through your phone to bring up the picture your friend had text you. “I even have proof.”

 He grabbed the phone and looked at the picture, a look of shock on his face. “It’s not what you think, babe. I can explain.”

 “Save it, Ty. I’m done being your doormat. I deserve so much better. Now get the fuck out of my life and don’t come back.” You grabbed your phone and headed straight to the door, opening it for him to leave. 

 “This isn’t over (Y/N).”

 He exited the apartment then, turning back to you one last time. “It’s over Ty. It was over the minute you cheated on me. I was just too blind to see it, but now…well, let’s just say I can see everything clearly.” With that, you slammed the door in his face. 

[felswritingfire]

Could we get nyarlthotep sfw/nsfw senarios? Maybe with a male reader if that's ok?

Bro, I have such a love/hate relationship and he’s one of the only characters I can say has enigma energy (also of course it’s alright if the reader is male, we stan Male Reader rights dammit)

Dating Nyarlathotep

SFW

Where do I even begin with this guy- 

When Nyarl has a thing for you, it is the most obvious yet not obvious thing in the world; he’ll crank up the teasing to a solid 20 and then glue himself to your side, running random touches along your spine or brushing his claws against your hip, and then all of a sudden he’s gone and it’s a whole week before he pops up again. And this continues for a good three months, progressively gets more touchy and the periods he’s gone get more sporadic, until either A) you get fed up and confront him about it or B) you begin to give him a taste of his own medicine (AKA avoid the asshole and keep him from touching you)

Which, either way, both scenarios play into Nyarl’s grubby little claws

The A) option would be one where he would lean against a wall/back of the chair while you go off on him. All the while having an infuriatingly easy going smile for you tearing into him; you don’t know if he’s listening and it is pissing you off. In actuality he is, but he doesn’t want you to know that, you’re cute when you’re mad, my guy. So, he’ll just sit there staring at you with half lidded eyes, letting you blow off some steam before he presses a finger against your lips and gives you some bedroom eyes and, it’s up to you whether or not you’re gonna have the do right then and there, but he knows he got you hook, line, and sinker

If the scenario is the B) option, he’ll amp his bullshit up so inconceivably high. He’ll begin to purposely leave risqué touches on your person: he’ll brush his hand against your lower back, maybe even hook his fingers in the back pockets of your pants just so he can drag you back against him, he’ll start resting his face in the crook of your neck (whether your standing or sitting for him to be able to do this) brushing his mouth just close enough to the shell of your ear for you to shiver- and if you’re trying to avoid all his touches to get back at him? Hoooo, boy, good luck;

He’ll get a little pissy at this because he wants to see your reaction (RIP you if you get flustered really easily). So, he’ll begin to corner you, or catch you in the most crowded places just so he has an excuse to press into you from behind. At these points, especially if you’re stuck in a very crowded place like, let’s say for example, a subway train (👀👀), he’ll press up against your back while slipping his hands over your thighs and up to your stomach before going back down to the dip of your hips and pressing you harder against him. And you bet your ass that any movement or- ahem- subtle pressure to your ass is just the sway of the train. He’ll chatter away like nothing too and it is bullshit. He’s an asshole in the fact that he’ll make you two stand like that until the ride is over

Once a relationship gets going between you two, you’re honestly surprised to find out how loyal he actually is- he’s uber loyal, but he doesn’t expect the same level of loyalty out of you? Like, just, he knows that you’ll find other people attractive and he understands you might… you know- want to pursue some sort of sexual interest with them (So, he doesn’t mean you’re a cheater, just that, people are hot and he’s leaving it open on your side)-

 Which is either super insulting or super sad to you, it’s up to you. He mentions a lot (in his own way) that he’s fine if you go off and have a one night stand with someone else, but he’ll get all serious all of a sudden and it is terrifying because he’ll suddenly hover two inches away from your face with that bitchy look he gets when he’s salty about something and straight up be like: “don’t make it a thing though.”

And he’ll go back to laughing and joking with you like nothing happened- What the fuck, Nyarl????? 

Please don’t “cheat” on him tho, it takes a lot for him to even care enough about someone to be a little less of an asshole to them let alone get into a relationship with them. So, he’s pretty attached to you

He doesn’t really believe in the concept of love, but after you two have been together for so long- you’re the closest thing that he’s getting to love, dude, and he kinda hates it???? It’s all fuzzy and he’s warm inside and if you get sad? And it’s his fault? Insta death. 

But he likes you too much to let you go, so, aw well, guess he can put up with it

Surprisingly, a possessive boy- he doesn’t like people talking to you for long periods of time and he’ll get salty if you seem like you’re having more fun with one of your friends then you do when you’re with him; just give him a lot of cuddles and smooches when you get home and he’ll forgive you immediately as he wraps you up in a big ol’ bear hug with his arms and his weird tail hand things will totally join in and wrap themselves around whatever they can grab, which is a really cute gesture that can become awkward really fast depending where they decide to grab

SPEAKING OF HIS WEIRD ASS TAIL HANDS- you’ll have to deal with them having semi-sentience and seeking you out whenever they can and witnessing Nyarl legitimately yell at them over it

It’s so surreal- and honestly, you’re with Nyarl, you should have accepted this by now but- to see him grab his tail in a choke hold and bring up the hands to his face as he tells them to knock it off and then one just reels back and slaps him across his snout, which instigates him slapping the hand back, and they start having an elementary school level slapping fight until one of them hit the other too hard and they’re making grabby hands for you because they got hurt-

And then you gotta kiss their boo-boos 

Also RIP your ass’ personal safety because those hands like to grab it and you’ve almost died a couple of times because they do it out of nowhere

Nyarl will kiss you spontaneously and out of nowhere. There is no preparing for his smooches they just come and go like the wind

Though he does give you a lot of pecks, his favorite types of kisses are french kisses because he likes it nasty 

Since he is passionate about his work you’ll have to remind him to eat and drink water and take breaks because he gets wrapped up in his work a lot- which he really appreciates and if you do the same thing, then you bet your ass that he’ll get you to take breaks because he refuses to let go of you as he hugs and showers you in kisses- at those times it’s soft Nyarl hours

He has no understandings of personal space so he’ll just… always be in your bubble and you have to really convince him to get out of it if you need some space

 If you two ever get in a fight, Nyarl is literally the worst person about it because, not only is he petty, but he’s also, well, Nyarl- so he’ll definitely come off as he’s not caring what’s made you upset by keeping that easy grin on his face and shooting off into crazy ass tangents, but that’s his way of trying to lighten the mood, which has mix results depending how important the topic is to you

He’ll get serious the more the argument drags on and how emotional you’re getting about it

Off of those topics, his ideal date is taking you to a club, but one that’s super fancy and has a VIP floor so you two can dance and be in each others presence and chat while feeling the bass of the music

When Nyarl gets jealous he becomes more sporadic than he already is. Which is a sight to behold because a majority of the time  he’ll somehow cause the conversation to steer back to the person and cause them to put their foot in their mouth. But if he ends up encountering that one person that can actually keep up with his mind games, he’s not above just warping their ass somewhere- which you’ve gotten mad at him before about, because oh my lord, Nyarl, you can’t just do that- 

Dating him means that you’re going to be listening to music 25/8, he likes all genres but when he’s at home, he prefers chill, atmospheric music like Lo-Fi

NSFW 

AMAB USED

(Dom Nyarlothotep)

Subs rejoice! For this man (hyena???) is a Switch leaning Dom! So, he’ll definitely be taking over when you both first have sex

He’s a tad aggressive about it since he’s super eager to get at it, so if it’s your first time, you’ll have to remind him to slow down- which he will, but you’ll have to remind him periodically

This is one of the times where he doesn’t get all pissy with his tails for just grabbing you- they like to grip at your thighs the most and if, he’s laying on top of you, they’ll be caressing your sides and fondling anything that they could get their hands on

He’ll also use them to keep your legs open if you get embarrassed and try to close them because this boy likes to S T A R E at your erection standing proud, he gets a weird trip from it, like yeah, he did that to you (but that’s if you’re in a place where you can be on your back without someone just walking in on you two)

He’s a mega tease, especially out in public, so he’ll drag you into an alleyway and push you against the wall and press his body hard against you (no matter if you’re taller or shorter than him) he’ll run his tongue over your neck and the shell of your ear, scraping his canines against the hollow of your neck as he grinds against your erection through your jeans. He’ll make sure you can hear the low groans he’s letting out as he rolls his hips, grabbing your ass in his hands to bring you flush against his hips. He’ll start whispering filthy words into your ear, riling you up as you grab against him and bite your lip to get from making noise

He’s really good at giving oral

If he gives you a blow job, you’re gonna be blissed out by the end of it. He has a long tongue so he’ll start just under the head of it, before he moves to cover the tip of it and lap at the slit with the tip of his tongue, then he’ll bring you into his mouth, mindful of his teeth, but he isn’t above scraping them against your shaft. He doesn’t really have a gag reflex so he has no problem taking you all the way into his throat while he bobs his head while he sucks you off. He’ll also utilize his hands and play with your balls while he sucks you off

When he gives a rim job HE GOES O F F

So, get ready to hold on fam, because you’re in for a ride. He’ll have you put your ass up while he’s nipping at the meat of your ass before he begins to use the flat of his tongue to lave long licks over your twitching hole; soon he’s pressing his tongue into you and groaning at the way you taste on his tongue

When he’s fingering you, he’s mindful of his claws, but he has a tendency to… scare you??? It’s not even that he means it (or so you hope) he just goes f a s t, so sometimes he’ll push against you and you’ll feel them brush a tad to close for comfort on the walls of your ass, but he’ll make you forget about it real quick because, you don’t know what type of fancy fingers this bitch has but he finds your prostate in a snap. And he’ll focus on it because he likes seeing how much of a mess you become when he does-

He’s also extremely thorough about his fingering, so expect to cum at least once from it 

When he’s finally going to press his dick into you, he’s really talkative, even if that talkative is just him whispering filth into your ear, and he’ll rub his tip against the rim of your asshole before he presses into you and sheathes in one thrust (hence why he stretches you so thoroughly)

He’s very vocal in general, a lot of low grunts and moans if your doing some good old exobistionism, but in the privacy and the comfort of your own home, you’d think that you were getting fucked by a porn star: loud moans, extremely talkative, cursing galore, groans, whimpers- the whole shabang

If you have a vocal kink RIP you, bro, because he uses it to his advantage

When he’s topping, his favorite positions are either: pressing your face to the wall while he has a death grip on your hips or doggy style. He has a bit of a dom/sub kink in him

He B I T E S. Really hard. So, if you need him to real it in, he’ll try, but no promises

I suggest a safe word in general tbh

Also, after he cums in you, and if you guys didn’t use protection, he likes to watch it dribble out of you and then clean up with his tongue, so, just watch out for that

(Sub Nyarlathotep)

It takes… a bit of convincing for Nyarl to be the sub

He likes the high he gets off of domming, but, since he likes you so much, he’ll let you top 

He’s a pretty big pillow princess tho, so he’ll definitely act like a brat

You know when I mentioned that he’s really loud as a dom? Well, he’s even louder as a sub

If you give him a blowjob he’ll be really vocal about it and it’s one of the few times that you’ll hear him stutter, especially if you deepthroat him. He will be in bliss, and pray you got a good grip on his hips because he’ll thrust into your throat if you don’t watch it

Nyarl is incredibly neutral on rim jobs but he won’t say no to one

He’ll probably be giggling the entire time as he presses against your mouth. He likes his taint being licked at though

Fingering Nyarl is a fun thing to do because he straight up will buck his hips so hard on your fingers that he’s basically fucking himself on them. He has no chill

He likes positions where he’s still on top despite being penetrated, so, think cowgirl/reverse cowgirl; he feels much more comfortable about being in control of the pace and how hard the sex is

When you do penetrate him, he’ll let out a long moan that turns into a growl and he might overwhelm you a bit as he just starts bouncing on you. But, you get to watch the concentrated face he makes as he works himself up and down on your shaft

He still bites as a sub

So, again, safe word

(After Sex)

Nyarl has a tendency to just know out after sex

So it’s kinda up to you to initiate aftercare, which he’ll find very sweet if you do and will probably tease you for it, but he won’t complain

He is all up for cuddles though, he likes being little spoon, and on the off chance he has enough energy to talk, he’ll have some pillow talk with you

He’ll probably just hum as you whisper to him, but he’ll put a few words in here and there

After sex Nyarl is just compleletly different to normal Nyarl because he got out a lot of that pent up energy he has. He’s actually really cute like this??? 

He adopts a whole baby enigma energy when he drifts to sleep in your arms

[teamsarawatshusband]

Word Of Honor - 1st watch insta thoughts - Episode 8

Here's my name overview, in case you're new to this:

Zhou Zi Shu = Baby Sushi, Baby Zi Shu/ Zhou Xu lord guy/alcoholic tanned tragic hero lord guy; Wen Ke Xing = Smirky Xing/Smirky fan guy/Kissy Xing Gu Xiang = Purple Girl/my Purple Love/my Purple Queen Chen Ling = the Kid Smirklord is my personal ship name for Zhou Zi Shu and Wen Ke Xing.

Also, here are the previous episodes.

And now on to episode 8:

Wow, the kid is introduced to 5 lakes final boss guy who instantly cops a feel. Then tells him that he's not good enough to carry on the family heritage, and then demands the glazed armor. Wow. That is so wrong on so many levels.

Honestly that guy is as much of an ass as a-hole-uncle Shen.

Uncle Zhao is the only nice guy left in the kid's family.

Yay, back to smirklord.

Baby Sushi is being nice to my Queen's fanboy. And Kissy Xing is watching like a hawk, lol.

LOL, fanboy keeps putting his foot in it. My Queen does NOT tolerate misogynism.

Heh, Kissy Xing and my Queen sticking their tongues out at each other like siblings. Why is Baby Sushi reacting like their mom, lol.

K, so my Queen and her fanboy leave to go to Yueyang home base.

And now Kissy Xing is sulking because Baby Sushi treated fanboy guy nicer than him.

Oooh, Baby Sushi calling Kissy Xing out on using my Purple Queen for his benefit. And Kissy Xing says she'll leave and hate him anyway. Aww. I don't want her to leave. I want them to all live together happily forever. (I know it won't happen, but that would be the dream though)

"The fiercest ghosts disguise themselves as humans" - it sounds like Kissy Xing is talking about himself - ghost gang boss and whatnot. But I think, deep down, he's actually talking about trying to weed out the bad seeds amongst mankind, even if he has to be a ghost himself to do so. I can't help believing that he truly truly is a good guy after all.

Back to the kid and... whoa, he's not even allowed to walk back to his room on his own. He's not a guest. He's a hostage. :(

At least TopTap girl is kinda nice to him, showing him around a bit and bringing him to the training ground.

Is he gonna crush on her? Or did he flinch because he simply doesn't like to be touched.

Also there's some really snotty bullies at the training ground. Gossiping about our kid's lack of skills right within earshot. And, I mean, I saw how they "hit" those sand sacks. They are ones to talk, pffff.

Oh, fanboy knows TopTap girl. Right, same sect and everything. Okay, okay. So he's getting my Queen into the sect to snoop around at her heart's desire. Cool.

Hmm, there's a 5 lakes monument, and boss guy wants the kid to worship it. Interesting.

Back to smirklord. Where Baby Sushi is trying to send Kissy Xing off. Aww, he looks devastated at first, but then just decides he won't leave, lol. Nice. Also calls out Baby Sushi following the kid around. And he doesn't even deny it.

Okay, so  Window of Heaven is nearby doing... stuff. Like sending off lanterns at daytime. No idea, tbh.

Oh, wow, my Purple Queen is a fast runner. Already back with the boys. And Kissy Xing has no secrets from Baby Sushi. (Or so it seems ;) )

He's calling the kid "the little idiot", and it's cute. He sounds like a dad already.

Ok, so my queen lets the guys in on the monument worshipping thing, and apparently that's a big deal, because Baby Sushi runs off and Kissy Xing follows and doesn't even let her finish.

What does that monument do???

K, so, it's a memorial of those 5 initial guys who formed a brotherly alliance, which then resulted in 5 sects who work together. And the leaders' names are carved into the monument. The kid might become one of them one day.

Why is 5 lakes final boss guy so nice all of a sudden? And did the kid just agree to let him decide who will be the next leader of his sect?

Oh, the pleated skirt soldiers of 5 lakes got overpowered by some masked guys and a pretty guy from Window of Heaven. Ooooooh, is he there to kidnap the kid?

How exactly does 5 lakes final boss guy plan on fighting a bunch of crossbow opponents with just his sword???

Oooooh, smirklord are watching from afar. They better get that kid out of there. AND KISSY XING JUST REFERRED TO BABY SUSHI AS HIS SOULMATE! Waaaaah. Also offering to die for him. Nice. But, please,... don't.

Whoooooaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!! Our two dads are heroes <3

Okay, so, the kid and 5 lakes final boss guy get to run back home with their pleated skirt soldiers. While the dads interrogate pretty Window of Heaven guy.

woooooh, did pretty guy just recognize Baby Sushi??? :o

Okay, wait, if they're on the same side and pretty guy is willing to do whatever Baby Sushi wants... why did he want him to let the kid go?

LOL, Kissy Xing was actually trying to behave decently and leave, but Baby Sushi completely disregarded his offer to be sent away. Awww

Okay, who is this Duan Peng Ju guy? Is he some 5 lakes boss? Why does he want the glazed armor? And how come, every time some mystery is solved, new questions keep popping up?

LOL, Kissy Xing completely ignores the offer to call pretty Window of Heaven guy by his real name. I feel that. He calls him little master. Cute.

Omg, so much is going on. I can't keep up with all the talking. So, the assumption is that the kid still has a piece of Glazed Armor somehow, and 5 lakes want to get if before the heroes conference.

Cut to some guy in blue.He looks faintly familiar, but I have no idea. Oh, he must be the thief. He's unloading tons of jewelry onto a table.

Huh, how does he have two pieces of glass now? Did Kissy Xing have a piece in his money pouch as well? Or is that from somebody else? And who just opened the door?????

Ooooh, romantic night out with smirklord. Yes! Gimme!

Kissy Xing wants to know the truth about Baby Sushi now. And Baby Sushi feels like he owes him a favor when all Kissy Xing wants is honesty.

Aww, Baby Sushi admits that he simply wanted to save the kid. And then he's turning the tables, interrogating Kissy Xing. Nice. Clever.

Oooh, Kissy Xing admits he showed up at the kid's place for a reason, not by coincidence.

They are so close they could kiss.

Just saying.

Yo, Baby Sushi doesn't want to be fed bullshit. He wants to know the truth because they're friends. And the way Kissy Xing's face falls at that for a second is priceless.

OMG, is he actually telling him to be more than friends? WHAT?

Now he LITERALLY called him his soulmate, waaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! He's so whipped. (how did this pass censorship?)

Ouch, somebody knocked out thief guy. Ah, no, poisoned him, they say. Anyway, he's done.

Wait, was the glass poisoned? No, that couldn't be, could it? Then it would still be there. And the door wouldn't have opened on its own.

LOL, Kissy Xing on the market street is like a kid in a candy store. And Baby Sushi is paying for everything, because he's a whipped sugar daddy. Even if he doesn't admit it to himself, lol.

Whoa, Kissy Xing with all the indecent offers. No shame. Wow. He literally said "Just let me spend your money" and "I'll listen to your command" -and it is NOT lost on Sugar Daddy Sushi, although he tells Kissy Xing to stay away. But, let's be real, that's not gonna happen.

There's a circus in town. hmm. OMG, they're on a date.

Sugar Daddy Sushi points out the zither of one of the musicians. What about it? Is it like the music assassin's? I don't get it. (also, side note, it’s not actually a Zither at all, which would be a Guqin, it’s a type of mandolin, which is a Liuqin, but... whatever, probably translation mistake)

Kissy Xing is SO enthralled in the show. He's really like a little kid. He's adorable.

Oh, so much is happening. Heads dropping from a box. It's the ghost gang!

Nice! I mean, scary, but also cool. Is this what Kissy Xing had planned?

Okay, so... this was the ghost gang putting Yueyang sect in their place. Showing them who's boss and who's got the upper hand. Got it.

Kissy Xing wants to go back to the kid. I'm with him. That's a good idea. Yeah.

Alright the entire Yueyang gang is now talking and lamenting this Junior Wei guy. I'm not sure if he was one of the ones who stood next to the box when the heads dropped, i.e. one of the suspects, or one of the actual heads. Probably a head, right? Was he the guy from celebrity deathmatch? Anyway, Yueyang is pissed and want revenge.

Okay, so Sugar Daddy Sushi and Kissy Xing are at the Youyang place, greeted by uncle Zhao and buttface Uncle Shen.  And nobody even bats an eye at Sugar Daddy Sushi having cleaned up so nicely. That's weird.

Ooooh, rude-guy uncle Shen accuses our boys of theft, because they left without a word right as the Glazed Armor piece was stolen.

At least uncle Zhao is nice and apologizes.

And now grumpy 5 lakes final boss guy shows up. And Kissy Xing asks him if... he recognizes Kissy Xing? Should he recognize him? I guess he should. Kissy Xing looks a bit disappointed when he says he doesn't know him. And Sugar Daddy Sushi seems to think so as well.

Okay, what? The kid's not feeling well and they can't see him? That sounds fishy.

Now they wanna know who Kissy Xing's dad was,and, while he says he's already dead and a nobody while alive, I don't believe it.

And now a corpse was found, right before they end the episode. And all without revealing whose corpse and where and why and how it died. Waaaaah!!!!!

What I learned in this episode: There's a whole lot of stuff going on behind the scenes. Mostly Kissy Xing scheming. And I have no idea what's coming. The kid NEEDS TO BE SAVED, omg. Get him out of there. Maybe Uncle Zhao as well, because he's nice, but I'm guessing he's gonna die at some point, because usually the nice guys die first.

Goals for future episodes: Same old, same old, find out how Kissy Xing and Sugar Daddy Sushi are connected. Also, understand the bigger picture, like find out what Window of Heaven is planning, also who’s who in the ghost gang and are they genuinely all on the same side (because it doesn’t feel like it). And, will I EVER make that mind map character chart thing???

[thefrillypirate]

I blew up on FB so I'm going to share it on here so some of y'all need to read it too.

I've come to resent the new age/neo-pagan/online witchcraft community. Those posts you keep sharing? "Signs you were born a Witch"?

Utter bullshit. I'm sorry, but I mean it. You aren't magically special, and also please stop contributing to the extensive cultural appropriation that is already rampant in the spiritual community.

I don't use the term "Witch" for myself except in humorous or ironic manners. I refer to myself solely as a practioner of "Granny Work", but that's for another post. However, I take the term extremely seriously as there are those who that is their proper title in many translations, and it deserves the courtesy or respect.

We are at a point in the world where people are exploring their spiritual standings and I am okay with that. But you don't have to be born ~•*magical*•~ or feel like you need to be "special" to explore and learn. I guarantee you are empathetic, but you are not an empath. Being an Empath can be a form of neurosis that you need medical attention to deal with. Why do I know this? The last empath i dealt with felt so strongly the need to help her make coworker while his wife was dealing with chemo treatments that she would have sex with him. Multiple times. Because it was the only way to "solve the problem he was suffering from." She would have panic attacks of this. I can promise you it wasnt some goddamn gift that she "had to use". Also, this stigmatizes neurodivergent people such as those on the autism spectrum who have no or little empathy.

I understand women want to feel good, important, powerful. But a lot of these "witchcraft" blogs and posts you are sharing about "pussy on the ground, head to the sky" are the same sites and books written by TERFS and place a stigma around male and non-binary practitioners. It's also just weird and sounds like a yeast infection ready to happen.

I myself am not Jewish, so I am speaking from a gentile, and ask if you have questions on the topic please ask someone of the Jewish Community, but please stop with you Lilith worshipping. Every Kabbalah practitioner and just general Jewish Practitioner I have met has issues with the cultural appropriation of their beliefs. It's a closed practice and unless you are jewish you will likely misuse, stereotype, or speak over actual practitioners by romanticizing important aspects of their practice. This also includes voodoo, hoodoo (yes they are different stop using them interchangeably), rootwork, Native American Practices, and other closed practices. Do your research. Don't just believe every freaking tumblr, pinterest screenshot, and shared facebook edit you see and decide to immediately incorporate it into your practice without some fact checking and research.

This isn't gatekeeping either, please don't read this as such. It took me YEARS of research and work to figure out my relationship with spirituality and a manner that makes me happy but is also respectful of others. Hell, I am still researching and learning even if over all I keep it private. What happens though is a see people on my feed getting drunk and posing on gravestones in Salem, or talking about being Lilith with their Boyfriend, or making jokes about dancing naked around a fire because their are an ~empath~ and it leads to stigmas and backlash to those who are actually trying to learn or practice. I see it here, and on pinterest, insta, even as screenshots from tumblr. I see native and generational practitioners being blocked, over-spoken, or outright chased from their practices because white girls who watched American Horror Story want to feel good. It doesn't help anyone.

If you want to learn, go ahead. If you just like the aesthetic, fine. But understand that people take these seriously, some practices have been around for only 70ish years like Wicca, and some practices are 100s of years of evolution due to forced circumstances like Voofoo brought over by Slaves, and some practices have not really changed for thousands of years like Native American spiritualism and Jewish Mysticism. Please be respectful, talk to practitioners if you want to learn even from an academic perspective. And don't be stupid.

[elizabethsharmon]

Now that s5 has ended what do you think about it? I remember seeing you be quite vocal about the season and then you just stopped and I was just wondering what your general opinion is. Did the fandom scare you away? :(

hey there! I kind of stopped being so loud about the show here cause at some point I just gave up about s5 and don’t worry, it would take a lot for fandom to scare me away and i’ll be back with my usual bullshit in 2 weeks with s6 clip by clip reactions ✌️ anyway, i was going through my archive while writing this to remind myself of what happened in each clip and what were mine and fandom’s reactions to it and somehow when I started writing this, it turned out I can’t stop and it got quite long so I'mputting it under read more:

So first of all may I just say that the trailer/firstclip was one of my favourite clips of all times. It was just SO GOOD and to meit was like a dream come true cause I was talking about dropping a clip andstarting a season on New Year since July AND THEY DID IT AND IT WAS E P I C,such a power move, I love it. Honestly everything worked there, the music wasamazing, it was so wonderful to see both squads partying together, it wasperfect, 11/10.

Then the season started and I absolutely loved thefirst two episodes, we really started to get into Arthur's head, to get to knowhim and his family, find out how insecure he is and how well he's hidingeverything from others, and Arthur and Alexia clips!!!! They worked so welltogether and were so cute and supportive, I said it back then that if they ruinthem I will never forgive them for that because what was the point of makingthem a couple in the first place?? I still don't understand that, I don't thinkI ever will... Fast forward to the first Wednesday of the season aka underwatermale gaze aka the moment I knew we're in for a ride and it won't be a goodone... When the clip started I was over the moon, I'm a swimming hoe myself andI loved that they used the pool for actual swimming, the cinematography wasbeautiful and I loved that they found a way to incorporate Lisa into the story.That was until Arthur dived and saw Noee... and sadly, this was the firstmoment I emotionally yeeted out from the season. Don't even get me started howwrong it was - 1. using the pool which is a sacred place in the show’smythology; 2. using piano music; 3. peak male gaze, objectifying Noee, andArthur staring at her even though HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND; they were setting it upas a love triangle from the beginning and after those 10+ weeks I still havethe same question about it as I had back then: why. It was also the first timefandom started to be hostile and the shipping war began, some people werecoming to my and my friends' inboxes, sending us anons to stop thinking theworse about Arthur, that love triangle will definitely not happen and thatDavid explained on his insta that they used the setting of pool in another waythan it was used in og s3... Well, jokes on you cause we were right. Anyway thatWednesday clip was to me the first red flag of the season, the first momentwhen some people started attacking others, when the fandom police started formingand suddenly you couldn't say anything because someone would jump on you andsend hate.

But I decided to let it slide, hoping that they reallywouldn't go there (spoiler alert: they did) and then we got Friday clips withelu housewarming (i'm still emo!!!) and Arthur losing his hearing permanently.It was absolutely heartbreaking to find out he lost hearing in his left ear 2years ago, it was a real game changer back then and suddenly everything changed- why he was looking at Alexia so intently, why he didn't cover his left ear atnye party, etc. I absolutely LOVED the way they handled the topic at thebeginning with Jerome explaining everything to Arthur and to us and I LOVED thepositive discourse it started within the fandom with deaf/hoh people teachingothers and explaining things without getting mad at silly questions - tbh to meit was one of the best parts of the first half of the season and I'm reallygrateful for it ❤️

Sunday clips with gang were one of my favourite in theseason, I think Arthur took us all by surprise when he went to elu's flat totell the guys that he can't hear and they were chaotic and supporting andamazing and wow, I really don't understand what the fuck happened and wherethey disappeared in the second half of the season. I loved that they hinted aturbex king Eliott and I kinda feel like that might come back in s6....... butanyway. The 7 amclips were absolutely one of the highlights of the season. They helped to buildsome sort of routine and Robin absolutely nailed them, I could feel howpowerless and more frustrated he was feeling AND I also felt betrayed that wedidn't get one on Thursday and Friday. Even though after the first pool clip Iwas dreading every single next clip there, I really liked that they were showingus that Arthur goes there every Wednesday, it really helped to get inside hishead and to understand him more and I kinda wish they hadn't stopped thatbecause it would be a really power move to keep showing that. Alexia in episode2 was just WOW, i can't believe there were people who were saying she andArthur don't have chemistry or that he should break up with her because she'snot supportive - well, she proved you all wrong. Too bad Arthur was too dumband self-absorbed to appreciate that.

BASILE/ARTHUR FRIENDSHIP. All their clips were solovely and heartwarming, I loved how different Basile was in Arthur's pov toBasile we knew at the beginning of s3; when he didn't want to leave Arthuruntil he said back that he loves him :'))) wholesome. I kinda wish we got tosee more of those two, they're definitely hanging out just the two of them andthat's what was lacking for me, those 3 or so clips of just the two of thembeing wholesome buddies were great but they were not enough.

The party clip on Thursday of ep2 was great, I lovedhow they're giving us little insights of deaf/hoh community and showing usArthur getting drawn to it. I wish that it wasn't overshadowed by love triangleand we got more of it, but I'll be back to it later...

Now, episode 3 and 4 were strong in the term of clipsbut those two weeks were incredibly boring when you were watching it in realtime. The breaks were too long, there were three clipless days each episodewith hardly any social media update and at times it made me forget about theshow completely. The bar clip in ep3 was great until they started sayingproblematic shit and tbh I was really starting to stress over Eliott then -first we got a hint that housewarming party was canceled because he wasn't feelingwell, now over a week later he's not feeling well again and Lucas' "he'smy boyfriend and i love him" was very cute and I loved it but it alsostarted to lead to misery porn and this dread didn't leave me until the end ofthe season and I'm still worried that it will play a part in s6 and it won't behandled well (disclaimer: this is not about the fact that they're talking aboutEliott's MI, it's about how Lucas started to act like a martyr and the way theystarted to show him acting almost like Lucille).

Episode 3 was also the time when I think it becameobvious that Arthur's short outburst of communication was gone and we'll haveto deal with next few weeks of miscommunication, sulking and hiding. Beginningof ep4 was another moment for me when I wanted to escape from this seasonbecause of the fandom police - they created as hostile atmosphere for the fanswatching in real time as druck stans did during s3, when you couldn't commentanything or say anything without other people jumping on you, calling you outand hating you, that for a moment again I was ready to give up on the show. Ireally wish I had done it.

As much as I liked stupid gang content in thecafeteria the whole clip was kinda odd and the 1,5 days break between the clipand laser tag was too much. I feel like the pacing in episode 4 really didn'twork in their favour and the clips could've been placed in another order sothat the breaks weren't so long. The laser tag was such a strong clip withbeautiful cinematography and colouring and it showed us Arthur's problems withsensory overload and again - I wish we could find out more about it because inthe end the clip was too short and cut abruptly only for Arthur to go to Noeeto see her dance in a scene that was pure male gaze, where the camera lingeredon her flat, bare stomach, a few times showing close up of her boobs. And yes.I am aware sing language is a bodily language. But the thing is that itcould've been shown differently, without so many objectifying shots, with Noeewearing different clothes, without Arthur staring at her with his jaw dropped.Arthur who - may i remind you - had a girlfriend at that time. I can watchgore, I can watch open surgeries, I can watch blood, and fight, and beating,and all that without the blink of the eye. i could barely watch the clip ofNoee dancing. I've never felt so sick after watching something in my life, Ihad to go offline for a few hours cause I was feeling so unwell. This was sucha fucked up scene to film in such a way, to objectify her, to use male gaze, touse piano music, slow motion, man looking at her in a predatory way, and thisscene was so wrong on so many levels itself but when you add to it the factthat Alexia NEVER got scenes like that and all her dancing scenes showed her basicallyas a quirky friend having fun at parties. And that's disgusting.

But let's move on to episode 5. I loved all the scenesin the asso, I loved that they showed Arthur actually going to LSF classes, Iloved how he confronted his father about it later. Though episode 5 was alsothe start of the boy squad becoming brainless idiots, lying to his friend,plotting behind his back, going to a concert without him. Episode of beautifulcinematography and skating scene that I watched trying not to think about thefact that Arthur is basically having a date with another girl while hisgirlfriend is studying for her bac, of an oblivious guy not wanting to stop itbefore it's too late and everyone's hearts will be broken.... I loved that hesnapped at the guys in the detention clip. I liked the following clip withAlexia, when they made her talk about her insecurities, showed us how strongshe is but also how fragile she is at the same time. But that Sunday of episode6 was the moment I ultimately realized I don't care any more about this season.It was already ruined for me. Alexia opening up, Alexia asking Arthur aboutNoee and him saying the worst ableist shit ever, Arthur breaking Noee'sheart... Those three clips made me realize that for me it's too late, thedamage is done, and I won't be able to enjoy this season for real. Alexia wasbound to get her heart broken, I was pitying Noee because it wasn't her fault aguy she had a crush on kept on leading her for weeks, and Arthur... I dislikedhim more and more and I just wanted it to be over.

I loved all clips with Laura and Melchior, the playfuldynamic in their interactions with Arthur was one of the best things of theseason and I can't stop but think that we could've had the same thing but withArthur, Noee, and Camille. Meanwhile Noee was reduced to manic pixie dreamgirl, a homewrecker, a plot device, and Camille was there only to translate(and later to be Mika's boyfriend). I really liked the clip with Noee andArthur reading her letter about cochlear implant, it was very informative andit was the kind of content I really wanted to see in this season. The onlything I hated about it - which was a recurring theme in clips with Noee... - isthat Arthur kept forgetting about Alexia and this was so unfair to her.

Now. The Valentine's Day. I loved the sourd datingclip, again, it was something that I wanted to see in the season and it was avery strong clip. But then the rest of the episode... I really wish it didn'texist. Jumping to the pool in clothes???? Arthur sharing his deepest trauma andNoee kissing him??? NOEE AND ARTHUR SHIPPERS JUMPING ON PEOPLE SAYING THAT SHEDID IT TO COMFORT HIM???? Sorry guys, I don't know about you but when myfriends are sharing something traumatizing to me I hug them or hold their hand,I don't kiss them with tongue. Also using a flashback??? It doesn’t go wellwith the show’s format, why was it even used???

Episode 8 was... Episode 8 was wild. And weird. Andstrange. And I don't really know what was the point of it. But despiteeverything crackfic farm au was at least entertaining and it was kind ofsomething we needed then after weeks of will they/won't they and hating Arthur.Whipped elu was everything, the fifi saga was hilarious and I rewatched itaround 50 times and it still makes me laugh - Maxence nailed it but ?? what wasthe point? they killed Eliott's bunny so that he would become vegetarian? Theywanted to traumatize him and cause him to have an episode that was cut in theend? (I really wouldn't be surprised, there are 2 clips missing from firstepisodes each, and probably more in the others). I really don't know what wasthe point. The 6h15 or sth clip was funny but if Lucas and Arthur hugging itout cause sorry bro / it's okay bro / bro / bro is what they're considering aproper apology then I'm sorry but it isn't. What's more, the pacing of thisepisode was incredibly off and the clips didn't add up and there wasn't anynatural flow to it - they should've madetwo clips on Sunday - with Arthur getting to the van and them arriving to thecountryside, two clips on Monday with 6 am and then Daphne and Basile, Fifitrilogy on Tuesday and then right after midnight on Wednesday Arthur and Alexiain the barn. Now, the cheating excusing convo... I was absolutelydisgusted by the boy squad and the fact that YANN who was cheated on in s1advised Arthur to not say anything... wow. Also I really don't like what Eliottsaid there, I understood it in that moment that he was mainly talking from aphilosophical pov that humans are never satisfied in general, but he was sayingthat during the cheating convo, right after he said that he cheated on his gfto get with his bf, he said it while Lucas was right there, knowing that he hasdeeply rooted abandonment issues and this is what made the situation worse. Ithink I'll talk more about the fandom reaction and team's comments later causethere will be a lot to unpack there so yeah, I'll leave it for now.

Because now let's move on to February 21, aka theFriday that changed everything. Can I just say that I have never seen a worseclip ever in my life? That wasn't skam. That was soap opera. And not even agood one. I can't even comprehend how they wrote THIS and thought it was good.I despise the choice of making Noee speak out loud with every fiber of mybeing. First they objectified her, reduced her to the plot device and 1/3 ofthe love triangle, and now they stripped her of her integrity for a guy who wasconstantly leading her on, who has a girlfiend. They made her so desperate tomake him stay with her that she lost a part of himself for him. And for who??For a guy who didn't give a fuck about her? Who constantly played with herfeelings? Who mocked her and her language and her culture and didn't do so onlywhen it was convenient for him? Honestly fuck him, fuck Arthur. And then A CARCRASHED INTO HIM LIKE ????????????? Someone please explain to me what was thepoint of that cause the only one I see was to provide a fandom with a greatfree entertainment.

Now, episodes 9 and 10 were overall much stronger thanthe past few weeks but it was already to late to salvage the season. We gotanother cheating apologists scene which was - again - absolutely disgusting,especially coming from Lucas - who gave Arthur the same advice he gave to Emma- and Yann - who was cheated on and knew from his own experience that stufflike that always come out in the end. It's like all their character developmentfrom previous seasons went down the drain. Arthur on the other hand seemed tohave a character regression with each passing week. I'm still appalled by whatLucas said - that Alex is their friend but Arthur is part of the gang. It wasdisgusting. And it was out of the character. And it was the worst possiblething that could've been said.

Coline's song was so beautiful and I was so happy thatArthur finally realized what he's lost, though I feel like all those intensestaring between Arthur and Noee was unnecessary again, it's like they couldn'tjust give us a break for one clip from them, it's like she was constantlystealing Alexia's moments, whether she was on screen at the time or not.

The clip with elu was sweet and gave us greatwholesome content, but it only confirmed that Lucas' abandonment issues woke upfrom their nap and I'm already dreading what they're planning to do with thatin s6, especially that according to the latest news Lucas is not very presentin the next season... The polyamory talk... It was odd. It felt force. Thebuildup to it wasn't done very well and what' more it was built on cheating.And that's doesn't bode well. It's also quite ridiculous how it took 1 minuteconversation with Lucas or even one sentence from him tbh for Arthur to go"oh yeah I'm poly. I think." and tell Noee that he loves her eventhough he spent the last couple of weeks denying that and pushing her away. IHATE that yet again they made her be so desperate and cry when he was tellingher this. That's not Noee they gave us in the first half of the season. Ireally liked the clip of Laura and Melchior and Arthur giving the presentationto the students but Arthur's grandiose speech to students and then to girls wasso strange, there wasn't any buildup to it, or more likely Arthur that we werehaving on screen from the end of ep 4 till the end of ep9 was gone and the oldArthur finally showed up. But nevertheless it was strange and not very fittingto the way how the story progressed.

NOW the last two clips - first was a little bit shortand I can't say I was a huge fan (though Eliott's kermit-like dance waseverything jdskjdkjjd) but the second clip was absolutely beautiful, we finallysaw Daphne talk, I'm still not sure what to think about Noee/Arthur (not reallya fan of how the story was resolved... or how it wasn't resolved), AND THEMURAL! LUCAS CRYING BECAUSE HE'S PROUD OF HIS BOYFRIEND! ELIOTT ONCE A YEARMAKING A MURAL OUT OF PURE LOVE! EVERYONE CRYING! ELIOTT NOT PAINTING HIMSELFBECAUSE HE DOESN'T CONSIDER HIMSELF PART OF THE SQUAD (although he is, I don'tknow why they don't understand it) and... Lola. But I guess I'll be back to itlater.

So now, I can't say I'm a fan of the season. I enjoyedsome of the clips, but overall it was a mess, love triangle and fandom and crewbehaviour ruined the season for me. I was absolutely disgusted but howprivileged fans acted on tumblr and on twitter. And yes. There are privilegedfans, fans who were shutting others up because they "don't want us to getour hopes up when we don't know what might happen", fans who were sayingthat "you don't know anything haha i can promise you don't know shit hahano i don't know anything and no i'm not jealous haha you just don't know buthaha tell me this oh how stupid you are", fans who were acting like afandom police all the freaking time, yelling at everyone to "wait and see!you don't know what will happen!". Well. We didn't. Because contrary to 5%of the "little ones-fans", the rest 95% is not privileged enough toget a special treatment, to be invited on set for filming, to know the detailsof the plot before the season airs, to know the bigger picture. It's not fair.If you really know everything then great, I'm happy for you, but let the otherswatch the show how they like, let them react to it clip by clip. Because mostof us don't know the bigger picture and don't know what will happen and how theissues will be resolved. And you are aware that the format of the show itselfencourages viewers to react to the events of the story as they resolve onscreen and through transmedia content, right? That's the essence of skam.Taking that away from the regular fans because you've been let in to some innercircle and know it all is absolutely disgusting. Don't interact with the fandomif you can't stand seeing people not agreeing with the writing choices,questioning what they watch and theorizing about what will happen. If you're soabove it, then just stick with the people like you, with those 5% or so ofknow-it-all and "enjoy" the show with them. Don't ruin the fun forothers. You're not better than anyone else. Don't act like it. Don't be ahypocrite. Don't act publicly as a fandom police, criticize everyone who sharesspoilers and call them out and write hateful posts, if you're doing the sameprivately, if you can't shut up when someone sends you a dm or a message offanon and suddenly you spill everything. Don't be fake. If you know stuff, thengreat, I don't know admit it and say that you want say anything or don't sayanything but then don't spread the spoilers and don't write cryptic comments inthe tags. It's not helping anyone and it's definitely not doing anything good.And to people on twitter currently posting what I guess they assume are vaguetweets about cast’s personal lives? Fuck you. You’re so loud, you know? Maybeyou think you’re talking in a special code only you and your friends can guessbut it’s so obvious and so disgusting, you really have no shame. Grow up andget a life.

Another thing that ruined the season for me was theway the crew was acting on twitter and instagram and I’m so so so disappointed by their behaviour,especially that I’ve always considered them as one of the most open-mindedteams who respect their fans and their opinions. Turns out they do that butonly when the reactions to the clips are positive. I mean, I kind of get it,obviously everyone wants to hear the praise, but you cannot ignore thenegative comments and fans’ concerns, especially that there were plenty of themthis season. And during social media age when it takes one click to see theliked posts or comments, it becomes obvious that the crew was only interacting (evenin such a passive way like liking comments or tweets) with fanswho were praising the show. All the negative comments and questions werebrushed off, saying that “the season will reveal its own truth” and that iffans will have any questions they will be answered after. Well, franklyspeaking, me and my friends have a list of questions that we’d love to get ananswer for:

- why was love triangle necessary?- why did they make Alexia and Arthur a couple in the first place if theywanted him to go after Noee?- why did Noee say she doesn't like talking out loud cause sign language is howshe communicates only to yell at Arthur to stop him from leaving, losing herintegrity for a guy who doesn't care about her?- car????????????????????????- cheating convos - why are they excusing it like that- treatment of Alexia & why did they include numerous comments about Alexia'sbody?- THE MALE GAZE - why did the camera focus so much on Noee's body, why was sheobjectified and why was she presented as a stark contrast to Alexia?- fifi?- p*trick and why the abuse was introduced so late in the plot and overshadowedimmediately by cheating and then followed by crackfic farm au?- why didn't we see any Arthur centered clips where he shows he likes art?- why did Arthur and space have no relevance in the season???- why are Lucas and Yann saying shit every time they open their mouths and whydid they forgot about everything that happened in s1?- the whole convo with the boy squad on valentine's day and how shitty theirreaction was - why?- why we didn't see any actual squad interactions on holidays and no realapologies?- why does the life of the characters always has to revolve around romanticrelationships?- why can't men and women be friends unless the man is gay?- what was the point of all the ship wars and skamlaserie photo withArthur/Alexia and Arthur/Noee *especially* after all the comments on twitterand on Instagram when fans were fighting already and it only made thingsescalate? Why not stop it, why pit fans against each other, why let it escalatelike that?- why draw parallels between elu and Arthur/Noee?- Why was Noee reduced to love interest and Camille to translator 90% of thetime and why don't give them similar dynamics with Arthur as Melchior and Laurahave?- how can Arthur see underwater?- Catherine - was she just a queerbait?- tuturo comment from the forum and Arthur's 'relationship' with 34 yo - whywasn’t it mentioned ever again?- how could noee not know arthur has a girlfriend since she was following himon instagram and he had photos with alexia there?- what happened with basile's birthday since they never celebrated them??- in samedi 11:04 (5x10) eliott says "i've got some croissants, do youwant me to heat them up?" which implies that he's already bought them andbrought them back to the flat BUT he's putting his jacket on as if he was aboutto leave and then he leaves and slams the door so what's the truth?

The crew completely invalidated the feelings andconcerns of the fans and what added fuel to the flame for me was thatskamlaserie post with Arthur/Noee/Alexia and caption that they can’t choosecause they love them both and… Honestly, who the hell works there. There’s beendrama for the whole week on twitter and under David’s posts on insta andinstead of finally end it, idk block the comments or just make a statement ORWHATEVER, they posted THAT on the official show’s account?? Why haven’t they stopped it? Why did they keep on pitting fans against each other up to the point that one twitter user started getting DEATH THREATS only because they translated some video??? Absolutely disgusting.@skamlaserie and @fr team: hate to break it to you but there's nothing wrong with being single andthere's plenty of teenagers who aren't in relationships in high school andthat's okay... maybe that's how Arthur should've started the season instead ofbecoming a cheater and leading on two girls at the same time just for the sakeof having unnecessary relationship drama which literally only created somepointless ship wars and put half of the fandom off watching the show... just saying.

Then, another things that rubbed me the wrong way werethe whole “canceling” discourse (that never really happened and I still standby what I said in the comments to this post so I’ll just direct you to it) and imposingthe one “right” interpretation on the fans - I specifically have the cheatingconvo from episode 8 in mind now. We all have a right to our owninterpretations of every scene, here many people saw it as Eliott’s commenthaving an effect on Lucas and his abandonment issues and started commenting onthat on twitter and David had to rush to explain that he hadn’t meant Lucas,that Eliott won’t cheat and that they won’t break up and will stay together.Well, the thing is that there’s such a concept as “the death of the author”which I suppose you can already guess from its name says that the author, theirbeliefs, backstory, opinions, etc. shouldn’t be taken into account wheninterpreting the text because writing (or in this case - a show) and creatorare separate entities and shouldn’t be correlated. First of all, thismetaphorical extinguishing of fire seemed pointless and like a mockery, seeinghow two episodes later it turned out people were right and Lucas really tookEliott’s comment personally and his insecurities and abandonment issues wereshowing up again; secondly, after that there were many comments from the crewabout how Elu will stay forever and never break up and maybe it’s just me but Ithink that was obvious, right? So why would they keep repeating that? Unless…something will happen in s6 that will make us doubt that and it’s a preemptive damagecontrol 🙃

So to sum up this monstrosity that I have no idea ifit even makes any sense BUT ANYWAY: I liked some of the things in s5 but overall Ireally really didn’t like it, some people in the fandom were incrediblyannoying and turned out to be fake and complete hypocrites, and the crew’s behaviour on socialmedia leaves a lot to be desired and I can only hope they will acknowledge anycriticism of s6 and won’t blatantly ignore fans’ criticism again. So that’d beit. If you read it till the end then you’re stronger than Sabrina giffingArthur getting hit by a car and I respect you for that cause even I haven’t reread it, have a nice quarantineand stay safe!

[ms-demeanor]

I appreciate your positivity posts a lot, but there are a couple things that make me instinctively angry when i see them One, it really frustrates me that i cannot be good at everything. I know it may sound kinda stupid, but i feel jealous when i see people learning skills i know I'll never master cause they arent a priority over other skills im already working on Two, when im angry/frustrated and i see positivity, it only makes me angrier None of this is your fault, just needed to vent a little

(This post requires a table of contents)

Frustration that you can’t be good at everything - A

Frustration with positivity - B

Do I contradict myself? Kinda but not really - C

Ah-ha, but I have fooled us all - D

A

That doesn’t sound stupid at all, it actually sounds exactly like the insta-rage that I get from being bad at something or from hearing “anybody can do X.”

I know that sounds contradictory, considering that I’ve been saying “anybody can learn artistic skills with practice,” but I’ll explain in a sec.

Okay so I’m learning guitar right? Like, with all the hand-pain and dyspraxia and all I’m still giving it a go and it’s taking forever and it’s really frustrating.

It’s more frustrating because I realized I had to do it alone - if I’m practicing around people or a person is sitting next to me while I’m trying to learn a skill or get the fretting of a particular chord down or (especially this one) trying to memorize a sequence of notes and movements it’s. It’s extremely not pretty. It’s apparently very upsetting for the people who are around me when that happens.

I get furious with myself and I get frustrated because goddamnit fucking children can do this thing and I’m an adult and it’s a simple fucking sequence of five movements and I’m just getting it wrong because I’m a useless idiot.

It takes about four minutes with a guitar teacher or jamming with a friend for me to devolve into “attempt sequence > fuck sequence up > apologize > try again but now while more mad at myself > fuck it up worse > apologize > forget beginning of sequence > try really hard not to start calling myself a fucking idiot in front of a friend who really shouldn’t have to handle this.”

And when I do that it feels terrible. It feels bad, feels like my skills have regressed, makes me want to put the instrument down and not pick it up again.

The thing is, I do this with every skill that I’m learning. You should see me when I’m trying to learn a new version of some kind of software. It’s terrible. I’m at my absolute worst and lowest when I’m trying to find the new place Adobe has hidden a menu or what the new command is to format something in Word.

But here’s the deal: I know what this is when I’m doing it. This is emotional dysregulation.

Basically finding out that I have ADHD changed my life and got me to really start examining a lot of my reactions to things and the behavior patterns I’ve lived with for most of my life.

I experience an impulse to be furious when people are more skilled than I am, I AM furious when I feel like my skills aren’t where I think they should be. But neither of those things are actually good for helping me learn to do the thing and I’d much rather learn to do the thing than be angry about not being good enough at it.

I spend a fair amount of time in therapy. I have worked on recognizing when I have the impulse to do something that is going to be unhelpful or reactive and attempting to approach that impulse with other options.

That’s not easy! And it doesn’t come naturally! My first response to a lot of things is still anger or frustration or despair.

But since I *know* that’s my first impulse and I’ve learned enough about my own behavior to understand that my first impulse is frequently the wrong course of action (grounded in panic or whatever) I’ve been working on accepting that my first reaction is typically negative and moving on more quickly to other, more helpful reactions.

(this has been really fantastic for increasing my feelings of agency and control over my own life; acting on your panic response all the time isn’t good for your long term stability)

You know you can’t be good at everything, you know that it takes a long time to acquire skills. That doesn’t make it any less frustrating that you don’t have the skills that you want to have. So it’s understandable that your first reaction to the skills positivity posts would be negative, and it’s understandable if you want to sit in that negativity for a little bit.

It’s also understandable to mourn the skills that you could have had. “If I hadn’t stopped practicing guitar in my teens I could be so much better now.” “If I hadn’t had to get a job with such a long commute I could be drawing daily and I’d be so much farther along.” “If I hadn’t been discouraged by my parents I’d have had so much more practice with music.” “If I hadn’t gotten injured I’d be such a good dancer right now.”

There’s a perfect you that lives in your head and they’ve had all the opportunities you missed and got to keep practicing when you couldn’t and have all the money you don’t and sleep you keep missing. I get wanting to be that person. I get wanting what they want.

But the you in your head isn’t real and it’s sad if you’re ignoring how wonderful the real you is because you’re not perfect in the same ways.

So if you can, I’d recommend trying to see if there’s a positive response you can practice remembering when you get frustrated about your skills.

(for me it’s honestly just saying “the next best time to plant a tree is today” and remembering that I’ve got a long time to learn to do all the things I want to do. It’s not a race, and if I can’t get to something now I can try later.)

You’re great. You’re great and you’re trying hard and if you wouldn’t yell at your friend for not learning a skill or being good at something you shouldn’t yell at yourself either.

B

So when I was like, 17, I wrote a bit of poetry that went like this:

I’m a casual cynicwho prays for optimistsbut it’s hard for me to be onewhen I’m talking with my fists.

I am a very, very negative, pessimistic person. Optimism and positivity irritate the hell out of me.

The frustrating thing about positivity is that it largely feels like criticism. It feels like “if you can’t do X, Y, or Z it’s because you choose not to.”

And I sure as fuck can’t blame people for being negative. I’m negative and the world is shitty and everything is difficult and expensive. I really, really don’t think that people are choosing not to do what they want to do.

So when you hear “you can do it!” it’s a very natural response to go “yeah, easy for you to say, you don’t have a million things preventing you from doing it.”

Part of this is that your brain is a filthy liar and it thinks that skills are easy to acquire. Your brain is going “if anyone can do it and I haven’t it’s because I’m lazy and I suck.”

I would like you to remind your brain that it is a filthy liar.

(I would also like to remind people that negativity that exists to the point that generic positivity posts upset you or make you angry is a symptom of depression)

But the other thing is that you probably DO have a million legitimate things that are keeping you from Doing The Thing and when you’re seeing someone else say “Do the thing!” you’re just seeing the shiny thing, not their million things that were in the way too.

Doing shit is HARD. It’s exhausting. It involves opportunity cost. If I want to make fanart I have do dedicate time to that that gets taken away from somewhere else and you know what sometimes it’s just better for me and more in line with my desires to re-read a 100k slow-burn than it is to make a drawing of the characters.

But it’s also really important to recognize which kinds of positivity actually contain criticism.

My initial statement in the Gru comic was “Talent is bullshit, nurture your skills with practice & make the content you want to see in the world.” This was in reaction to a simply-drawn comic that expressed that you need talent to make fanart and not everybody has talent.

A lot of people have seen that as criticism.

I am. Really, really not attempting to criticize people with these posts.

But also, yeah, being told “woah, hey, just calm down” when you’re already pissed isn’t going to make anyone’s afternoon any better. And there’s not much I can do about that (and I know you don’t want me to, you said you were just venting).

C

“You hate positivity and yet you make positivity posts, interesting.”

So the brand of positivity posts I hate are the “If I can do it anyone can!” posts and here’s why:

Not everyone can be on a Roller Derby team.

Breaking my back and having to quit roller derby made me reassess a lot of my attitudes about the world.

If you point to a specific activity and say “if I can do this anyone can do this” you are wrong. There are a lot of people who aren’t going to be able to do a thing. If you say “If I can lose the babyweight within three weeks of giving birth anyone can” there are a lot of people who can’t do that thing and there is a kind of implicit criticism there. “If I can get over my scoliosis and lift weights anyone can,” is kind of saying that the people with scoliosis who can’t lift weights just aren’t making an effort.

“If I can do this anyone can” is wrong. It ignores the fact that people are all in unique circumstances and have different limitations. No, not anyone can. Not everyone can be on a Roller Derby team.

But what I’m saying in my posts isn’t “anyone can draw” it is “if you practice a skill you will improve at it, so if you want to improve at drawing you need to practice.”

And I’ve been very clear in admitting that not everyone can do this, due to time constraints and low energy and physical limitations.

The one deviation I’ve made from that is to come pretty close to saying “anyone can do art” and again, I consider that a bit different because “art” is a very broad category and I do believe that pretty much anyone can create things that I would consider art, even if that art isn’t traditional visual media. And again, any of those kinds of art would also improve with practice.

D

The joke was on all of us all along, by the way. While I’m being pretty positive about the idea of practice and the fact that it will improve people’s performance at all skill levels there’s a secret:

That Gru post isn’t so much positive about practice as it is *incredibly* negative about the concept of talent.

Talent IS bullshit. There is a variable range of innate abilities that people can have that may jump-start a particular skill but proficiency in that skill is always going to be down to practice, not talent.

Talent was made up as a cover to explain the “brilliance” of people who had armies of laborers supporting them. I bet I’d be able to invent a lot of shit if I didn’t have to do laundry or worry about whether I was going to be able to afford both food and rent next month. Talent is a myth that pairs nicely with great man theory in that it is crap and I want people to understand that sucking at things for a long time is a part of not sucking at things eventually and also that you’re going to get a lot more done working with a group of motivated people than you are if you wait for one “talented genius” to change the world.

[morganaofcamelot]

Robin Hood BBC Commentary/Rant - Season 1, Episode 1 - “Will You Tolerate This?”

‘Tis the second time I’m watching the series. During my initial viewing, there were a lot of things I’ve missed, and frankly, I ignored. So I will take it step-by-step, focusing on the four main characters of the show - Robin, Marian, Guy & the Sheriff - as well as their interactions with the others. You must forgive my english, I am afraid, as it is not my first language and some things may get lost in the translation. I won’t go into much of a technical issues (camera angles, unneeded slow-mo’s, not period appropriate costumes etc, but I will mention some that caught my eye. And, expect memes and references thrown in there, cause if my life is a joke, then I will make jokes of others’ lives, too.

Fair warning: some slight cussing, I guess. Thirst over Guy of Gisborne, some distain for Marian. The usual. Enjoy, under the cut!

Oh, almost forgot! @maxkiki @antigonemorris

1.       Robin makes his heroic entrace, saving Allan A Dale. This first scene sets the tone of the series - Allan is poaching, the guardsmen are relentless and want to punish him, clever Robin has conjured a plan of smoke and mirrors. The guards actually believe that there are more than two people surrounding them. A plan that goes well, until Much opens his mouth. (I loved Much btw, but I think they sidelined him later on).

2.       Their escape and the business at the barn(?). Here, we get a better glimpse of the kind of man Robin is, the irresistible womanizer that he is, the dashing rogue! What we learn for Much is that he likes food. The daughter of the man that offered them food for labor, is taken straight out of a dance-pop music video (again, I will not go into detail, but I just had to say it, because it almost made me stop watching the first time). As Robin snogs the girl, Sarah, her father explains to Much (and us) that there’s a new sheriff in town and he is BAD. The father sees them, and goes to fight for his daughter’s honor, and Robin showcases his agility and finesse (the sword fight is silly, to say the least) and his love for flair and flirt.

3.       Locksley, at last. Sentimental Robin walks around the village, sees that the villagers are frightened. Dan Scarlett is the only one who isn’t afraid. He explains the situation even more – that Guy of Gisborne runs Robin’s estates, that he works for the sheriff, and that the punishments have been harsh for anyone stepping out of line.

4.       Fabulous Gisborne enters the scene. Nothing short of a diva, Guy of Gisborne rides into the village, inquiring about stolen flour. Now, this is where it gets interesting. Gisborne is “quiet menace” incarnate. He talks quietly, but threateningly all the same. He asks for the perpetrators, and when no one comes forth, he gives the order to take the one he had already caught back to Nottingham. This is where Robin steps in, there’s a hint that he and Gisborne know each other, but nothing more. When Robin reveals his identity, Gisborne takes it like a champ, even though he is humiliated in front of the peasants.

5.       The manor. Robin tells us that Much is a free man now. Gisborne enters the manor and welcomes Robin, saying that he ran the estate at the behest of the sheriff. Robin, for reasons unbeknownst to us, acts like a prick. Then Guy asks him about the Holy Land, and Robin replies the good old “oh, show me an argument that was ever settled with blood” and Gisborne calls him out on his bullshit, as he should. But Gisborne isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, and lets slip that he has seen Robin fight, and Robin wonders ‘where?’ Where, indeed, sir Guy? Don’t stress over it, we will learn about it somewhere further down the line. Gisborne informs Robin of the sheriff’s feast, and Robin decides to lord it over Guy, saying that he will demand the prisoners to be released. Guy says, ‘I don’t get paid enough to deal with your bullshit, take it to the sheriff’ and thus ends the confrontation.

6.       ��She’s still unmarried’. So. Robin tells Much that he will pay a visit to the old sheriff, Much wants to get some rest, although out of obligation and love towards Robin, he concedes. Robin offers the food of the feast his servants were preparing to the villagers of Locksley, to Much’s dismay. Now, Edward of Knighton, seems like a man that has lost his mind, he doesn’t recognize Robin and behold! Marian, with a bow and arrow and ringless fingers (as Robin will comment later), telling them to go to hell. Robin tries to work his charm on her – seemingly it doesn’t work. Then it’s the ‘bless you Robin for feeding us’ scene, which is kind of wholesome and cute and I don’t mind it.

7.       They’re taking the hobbits to Isengard They’re taking the sons to Nottingham.: Sorry, I couldn’t resist the joke. Remember Dan Scarlett? His sons have been arrested for stealing that flour Gisborne made a fuss about, and so they were taken to Nottingham, to await the sheriff’s judgement. Nottingham is a shitty place, by the looks of it. Robin promises he will plead their case.

8.       The BIG BAD. My boy Gisborne is pacing around the room, frustrated. The sheriff pulls a Shredder on us for a little while (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reference, because I got range) and laughs in his face because Gisborne didn’t force his claim on the manor, besides having 24 men and Robin only had Much. It’s safe to assume most of the peasants wouldn’t get involved in the fight. See, Guy is taking the high ground here. The sheriff assures him that the manor will be Gisborne’s by the end of the month. (Keith Allen is a scene stealer and he is phenomenal in this role, I love him.) The way he plays the next scene, which is the meeting of the lords of Nottinghamshire, is marvelous. He mocks them in their faces, and nobody bats an eye. Robin makes his entrance, Marian and her father are present, they exchange some ‘pleasantries’, and then Robin throws shade at the Pope (not present), and asks to abolish the taxation policies in favor of free market capitalist schemes (yes, I went there). The sheriff, being an old-fashioned chap, is pro-feudalism, and I imagine him that in modern-day, he would be a Brexit enthusiast/Trump supporter.

9.       The birds. The sheriff is upset and goes to his birds to find some peace. Oh, I thought, he loves animals, there’s a redeeming quality! Oops, he accidentally crushed a bird. Nevermind

10.   Marian & Robin creep me out, part I: Marian asks Robin to drop by her house after midnight, because the house is being ‘watched’. Robin goes into insta-flirting mode, hitting on her, which she likes, despite what she says. (and question: Robin was gone for five years (Marian tells us), the betrothal happened when Marian was sixteen, but people say she is supposed to be nineteen at the start of the series(!) Was Marian fourteen when she got betrothed to Robin, and Robin was like, twenty-five, I guess? Not creepy at all.)

11.   Honey, you’ve got a big storm coming: Robin interviews the flour thieves. We learn that the punishment is for them to hang. Allan A Dale lied to get an audience with Robin, only to learn that his lies would lead him to the hangman’s noose.

12.   The Sheriff owns Robin. Oh, the shade! The sheriff is a straight up savage, one of the original gangsta’s of medieval England. My boy Gisborne is in the back, doing what Gisborne does best; looking hot in leather. Marian walks in and smirking, my boy Gisborne steals her away.

13.   Grow up, Robin. Alright, next scene. (Obviously one of those shot into broad daylight, but made it look like nighttime) Robin and Much visit Knighton and Marian tells them to step in, because they will be seen. Robin decides to be a snarky, jealous bitch. Edward of Knighton explains how the new sheriff got in power, and begs him to play the long game, which we know that Robin won’t do, because Robin is, as Robin does. But he thinks on it.

14.   The hanging #1. Robin walks amongst the peasants, inconsolable. The sheriff and Gisborne come to the courtyard, and commence with the hanging. The sheriff has Much, to prevent Robin interfering with the punishment. A “clergyman” asks for the prisoners to be released and let join the Church. Robin smirks, which means it is his plan. The sheriff’s not buying it. The drum rolls…and the stools gets kicked. Robin goes into Avatar state and starts kicking butt, freeing the prisoners, whilst the whole castle watches and does nothing, before the prisoners are free. Silly battle ensues, Robin saves Much by throwing his sword. A bowman is aiming at Robin, but doesn’t fire. Marian does her ninja trick, saving Robin’s life. My boy Gisborne relishes the fact that the manor will now belong to him.

15.   The gang escapes and makes it into Sherwood where they are ambushed by Little John and his twenty men, who in later episodes disappear.

[universal-kitty]

   I plan to return to my favored coping method when I need “I’m not me” time- roleplaying- but before I did that.... I wanted to talk about what happened. Why I’ve been so depressed. Why I’ve been quiet. Because for the first and last time....... I don’t have to worry about what my stepdad thinks of me.

TW: transphobia, misgendering, mentions of a lot of -isms (sexism, racism; stepdad is an ASSHOLE), mentions of suicide and depression

   TL;DR: I finally told Marshal- my stepdad- about being nonbinary. Not only did he react the way I knew he would, but my mom largely defended him before all of this and even said my pronouns were “confusing” to her. I had been hoping to have support from her, so this broke my heart. I officially don’t live with them anymore, but I struggle to find a single place to be in, due to my boyfriend’s dad being uncomfortable with me being home without Cam (my bf).

   ....Alright, let’s get into a bit of a doozy of a story...

   It started with another fucking day of Marshal being on his bullshit. The day previous (13th), he made a comment about how “and that’s why women shouldn’t be cops,” because, while he and mom were watching a true crime show, a woman police officer brought up an acronym. Mom guessed it, was wrong, and Marshal brought that out there.

   Yikes.

   The day of, he was watching a kid’s movie with his daughters (the younger three; the movie was Hotel Transylvania) and he wanted to know if there was a derogatory term for Irish people. He was going with “potato eaters”, but wasn’t sure if that was right, or if there was anything worse he could be saying. (And he wanted to know so he could say it.) He tried to ask mom, citing a Jewish slur, but she said she didn’t know so he could shrug and go back to “potato eaters.”

   After they left to go to a birthday party, I overheard a video on his phone mention “...the hypocrisy of the left...” and decided maybe it was time I had enough.

   ....Except she defended him when I brought it up. “Oh, he’s half-Irish, so....” “We can’t change what he believes in. He was raised like that and the construction site reinforces his views. Even Google shows him more and more of that kind of thing.”

   I got understandably upset that my mom was defending him and didn’t understand why I’d be feeling unsafe around someone like that. I left to go back on the computer and talk to friends. Buuuut because I was in tears at that point, mom felt like it was time to pursue the issue.....by standing right next to me. The monitor was HUGE on the family computer. (My laptop wasn’t at the house due to it crashing the internet a lot.) So I felt even MORE cornered.

   In came a talk about MY GENDER turning into politics. How Republicans and Democrats don’t talk anymore, how the parties think of each other like family, and it just sucks, to her. I bring it back to the ACTUAL talking point..... Only to get the reaction I mentioned in the TL;DR: she thinks that singular “they” is weird and not viable for pronoun usage. No matter what I say or try to.

   My sobbing draws out Marshal from upstairs, who asks what’s going on. I decide to power through and talk about what’s been delayed for months, if not almost a full year... I’m nonbinary and want he/they pronouns.

   See, though... His mom had called him when I attempted “social suicide” on Facebook, coming out originally. Despite having explained myself and my gender/sexualities, miss grandma decided to tell this to Marshal as, “I think there’s something wrong with Rachel.”

   .....Which was then followed up with what I knew was coming: “I think there’s something wrong with you. I think you hate your body. You’re always going to be a beautiful girl to me.”

   Now, maybe it wasn’t a wise thing to scream. (Did feel good, though. Emotional turmoil calls for a good scream, even if I still wonder if I frightened our neighbors.) It was a less wise thing to hit myself... Though I also thought Marshal had left the room. He had not; instead hovering at the bottom of the stairs or on the stairs themselves, hovering over us.

   .....It’s an emotional situation, I do lash out in screams, and I’m not proud of it. But I do want to note that it’s hard to be autistic and talk about things like this when NOBODY ELSE is the mediator. (I talk about my dad a lot when it comes to this part. He took me being polyam very well, as though he didn’t understand it, he made sure to deescalate my panic and explain it more in-depth, so he could get a better idea of what it is I’m doing. Why it’s healthy, why it makes me happy... Stuff like that. Ending it with, “If it makes you happy, awesome.”)

   Mom? She....wasn’t doing much, at that point. Sitting in a chair and sobbing. Misgendering me- literally- behind my back. “She thinks you’re not accepting her.” (Because he isn’t? Duh?)

   Long story short of Marshal also trying to needle mom into saying something against him, as the only religious person in the room has decided he feels VERY attacked and wants to hear his wife say some shit, too..... Cam shows up to pick me up. I stumble out of the house in slip on shoes and a pair of ancient PE shorts.

   ....Went back later to pick up some stuff w/ him and a friend of ours in silence. Mom was still crying. She’d try to eventually use that against me to paint herself the victim and gaslight me into making ME feel awful for....... [checks notes] Wanting my gender to be respected.

   I made another semi-bad decision of making a FB post talking about my anger and mentioning LBGT+ suicides, because being perceived as only female was really putting a damper on my mood, on coming back every day (after hanging out with Cam) and dealing with depression. I was NOT happy in that house and it definitely was a rising factor in why I often felt hopeless and, well, depressed.

   I let my friends respond to family since I was gonna be out anyways and I also trust these people with my life. I very commonly mince my words or try to give some ground out of politeness, thus never really getting far when it comes to arguments. (Everyone always seems smarter than me and I end up feeling so stupid after....) Of course, that then resulted in my mom and Elo’s mom feeling targeted and attacked by my friends and boyfriend (who had EVEN MORE RIGHT to say shit), apparently the latter even going on to say this was a “family matter” and my friends (and boyfriend!!) had no place in it.

   ....Except I let them and the only negatives that came from that was my mom having to face facts that she WAS gaslighting me. Oh, and didn’t use my pronouns until AFTER a friend of mine called her out for it. But okay.

.:.

   At this point in time, I....definitely am bitter on how my mom has chosen to go about certain things- the gaslighting and a convo on Insta (that I have screenshotted) where she said “if you cut out all the people who have different opinions from you, you’re going to lose a lot of people”- but I’m not as mad at her as I used to be? (Or maybe it’s the gaslighting. I can’t tell anymore.) It just hurts a shitton to realize that the only reason I couldn’t talk this out with her.....was because of Marshal.

   She wanted to play both sides and that isn’t POSSIBLE when “both sides” are “choose between your LGBT+ child or the racist, sexist, transphobic breadwinner and father to 3 kids.” You know who she’d choose. And she did.

   (Also, consider that “different opinions” should REALLY mean “we agree on some things, disagree on others, but that open-mindedness keeps us close” and NOT “befriend a person who makes suicide jokes, thinks your gender is a fad/fake, and makes racist remarks, “but it’s just a joke, bro”.” Like?? Just me????)

   Definitely pissed at Marshal, though. That’s been a constant from day one of me realizing how garbage he is. Even a friend who defended my mom said fuck him, which really goes to show how awful the man is, without needing to know all of the other things he’s said before. (And he’s said a LOT.) And he’s also the reason that I’m not going back to the house. Why I’m going to try to be moving out.

   If it was just my mom, I’d consider it. I’d give it a month to think about things and what I want to do, where I want to go...but Marshal involved? No thanks. Never again. She thinks I’m going to “get a dose of reality” and come crawling back home? Nope. And if she keeps talking like that, none of my future kids are going to meet grandma. >:/

[acoolchickouthere13]

This is the text Taylor sent to Scott on Monday, November 19th at 8:57am:

Scott,

I hope this finds you well. Since communication ran dry on our negotiations, I’ve done what I told you I would do and gone out exploring other options. Owning my masters was very important to me, but I’ve since realized that there are things that mean even more to me in the bigger picture. I had a choice whether to bet on my past or to bet on the future and I think knowing me, you can guess which one I chose. I also saw a rare opportunity to effect positive change for a lot of other artists with the leverage I have right now. I know you believe in the same things I do and I’d like to think you would be proud of what I’ve negotiated for in my deal. I wanted to tell you first that I’ll be signing with Lucian. I honestly truly cherish everything you and I have built together and I plan on saying so in my announcement of the new deal. What we accomplished together will be a lasting legacy and a case study on excellent partnerships, and may it continue. I still view you as a partner and friend and I hope you feel the same. Sending you a hug and my most sincere gratitude. And SO much love, Taylor.

Taylor posts that she signed to new record label November 19, 2018. But I predict this was done sooner(late March-early May 2018)

Late March-early May 2018-taylor has hot pink nails in the new record label(UMG) insta post. She also has hot pink nails at very beginning of Miss Americana documentary in her NY apartment. I just assume that these events happen within the same week.

Heart eye tattoo makes another appearance ^

Goes back on Rep tour November 20, 2018 (Japan)- Reputation tour acoustic b stage song “I Know Places”

Reputation tour ends Nov. 21, 2018

she recorded as soon as she finished the Reputation Tour. At tour’s end, she channeled that positive energy into the studio, recording the new album in just under three months. But the fast pace won’t mean a short LP. Swift confirmed that her seventh record (she hasn’t announced a title yet; the working nickname among fans is TS7) will include more songs than any of her previous releases. “I try not to go into making an album with any expectation,” she says. “I started to write so much that I knew immediately it would probably be bigger.”

155 Franklin St. is already bought, but maybe not moved into until Grammy noms for 2018(61st Grammys) are announced(December 7, 2018) due to having time/scheduling. So I’m thinking she unpacked in late November/December 2018-red and green nails?

-chandelier(DBATC)

-fireplace (ciwyw)

-library/book cases

-describes as “handsome” in multiple articles(delicate)

Unpacking in NY: miss Americana documentary also here

“Says Little, ‘We did a week in New York; that week we did ‘The Man’ and ‘Me!,’ and ‘Only the Young’ was the last one that we did. That was one where I’d actually come in with a drumbeat, and she was like, ‘Oh, I was actually just playing around with chords that could go with that,’ and then the song just quickly moved from there.’”-(x)

💖The Man💖 - (swift, Joel little) “bad(IDSB, MAATHP)” Ioriginal lyrics: “they put a knife in me behind my back”- here

💖ME!💖? First verse and chorus (Swift, Joel little, Brendon Urie) “123”(so it goes, paper rings)

Original lyrics: “I know I said some bullshit on the phone.” Created with red and green nails, a white sweater, a dark brown velvet v neck, pantyhose, a ponytail, and short black buckle boots as pictured in the documentary(10:20)- here

burrito lunch with Joel

💖Only the Young💖 (swift, Joel little)

*in the documentary, she is eating burritos with Joel. She is wearing the pajamas she writes and records “only the young” in at the end of the film. This leads me to speculate “Only the Young” was written and recorded on the day they ate burritos. *nude, unpainted nails.

She said, while eating burritos, “I’m about to be 29.” While eating burritos, Joel is humming “ME!” While eating burritos, and playing “Me!” On piano towards the beginning of the film, her nails are painted red and green. This leads me to assume both songs are written december 2018.

^all those songs in that week created at Electric Lady studios

December 11, 2018 Taylor goes to London for Joe’s movie premiere

💖London Boy💖? - “Motown, american(KOMH)” “whiskey(gorgeous)” “rumours true”(New Romantics)” “west end” “queen(CIWYW)” “Stella McCartney(sport line with Karlie)—- Stella was probably played the track much later in June 2019. “It takes a really long time for Stella to get a collection that’s ready to be purchased, since she does all ethical clothing standards”( @ciiwy )

December 13, 2018=29, announces Netflix tour movie coming soon

Mid December 2018 lunch with abigail at Nashville home about Claire’s baby that was born December 7, 2018. Taylor says, “she’s gone for a month after this.” And I think she means filming for Cats-Taylor’s nails are glitter pink (MA doc 27:37)

[fanforthefics]

Bennguin Animal husbandry for the 5+ headcannons 8D

1) Tyler is the big city slicker sent to the country to lay low during his scandal. It’s not a big scandal, he’s only minorly famous for being rich and hot on Instagram, but like, maybe he said some shit and did some shit that got caught on camera and his mom told him, very nicely but in her most Disappointed tone, that it would probably be good if he lay low for a while, just until her latest deal goes through. Tyler doesn’t actually want to fuck things up, even if it’s bullshit how much of a fuss everyone’s making about some partying and some admittedly badly phrased tweets, so he goes. It’s not like they don’t have the internet everywhere, and the dogs will be there so that’s what’s important.

The town he goes to is a little town in the middle of nowhere, which is about as close as Tyler gets to figuring out the geography. His mom knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy, and then Tyler’s driving up to an honest to god ranch, through some pastures that are filled with cows.

Gerry pops his head up, barks out the window at one of them. The cow does not react. “Yeah, we’re not in Kansas anymore,” Tyler agrees. Or maybe the point is they are. Where did his mom even send him?

Where she sent him, he sees on the sign when he turns in the drive, is the Star Ranch. And who she sent him too, he sees, when he gets out of the car and rings the bell, the dogs tugging excitedly on the leashes to explore, is a big man about Tyler’s age, with eyes as big and brown as the cows, and who looks far more surprised to see Tyler than Tyler is to see him.

“Hi, I’m Tyler Seguin,” Tyler says.

“Yeah, I know,” the dude mumbles. He runs a hand through his hair, then straightens. Tyler can’t help but look. His shirt’s loose, but damn. “I’m Jamie Benn, my family owns the place. Come on in.” He steps aside, still looking awkward. This...doesn’t bode well. But Tyler can make it work, he figures. There have to be some views around here for some good Insta posts. And at least the dogs will be happy.

2) To say Jamie’s happy to have a...lodger, at the ranch, is an overstatement. He gets why, and the money they’re getting for Seguin’s room and board is plenty welcome--they’re a small operation and money’s always tight--but to say Jamie’s awkward with new people is an understatement. Jordie always gives him shit when he says that, says he just needs to work at it, but Jamie doesn’t see why he should. He’s fine with the cows, with the employees on the farm, and at the market where they sell, and Jenny and Jordie can handle all the rest of the marketing and sales.

But it’s not like he doesn’t want Seguin to fit in. And, as Jenny had said, when they were talking it over, Seguin’s got more Instagram followers than Jamie can conceive of, so anything he says about the farm will be great publicity. The east coast hipsters, she says, are a vast but untapped market.

So he tries. He greets Seguin’s dogs, who seem pretty great and make Jamie laugh as they all try to lick his face, then shows them around, to the room where Seguin’ll be staying, around the house, whatever. It’s getting late to go around the grounds, and Seguin-call-me-Tyler-no-seriously had a long drive today; he doesn’t want to press. Tyler doesn’t ask, thougn he does look around at everything curiously, like it’s all alien to him. Jamie guesses it might be, for a kid who grew up in the city. It’s all Jamie’s ever known.

Still, it’s a relief when Jordie comes back in, so he can take over the conversation. He has Tyler chattering over dinner, about his drive and the dogs and his home and the Canucks and whatever else comes to mind. It’s nice, to have the noise; it’s always quieter when Jenny’s away, and Jamie and Jordie spend too much time together to talk too much. Tyler doesn’t seem to have that problem; Jamie can see why he’s so popular online, in the city. He’s pretty clearly making an effort, but that doesn’t stop the magnetic charm from working.

It probably helps that he’s got that ridiculous body and that smile and those curls that are like an invitation for someone’s fingers to tangle in them, and he clearly knows all those things. He flirts with Jamie and Jordie indiscriminately, and when Spezza comes in from the barn to tell them that he’s heading home for the night, Tyler flirts with him too.

After dinner, they clean up, and chat a little longer, then, Jordie stretches to head upstairs. “Night, then,” He says. Tyler makes a shocked face.

“Already?”

Jamie snorts, and Jordie grins. “Sun’s down, city boy. And we wake up early here.”

“Oh.” Tyler still looks gobsmacked.

“You don’t have to,” Jamie says, taking pity on him and the horror on his face, and only laughing a little. “Though the cows might wake you up anyway.”

“No rooster?” Tyler asks, rallying impressively. Jordie chuckles, ruffles Jamie’s hair, then heads upstairs with another good night.

It’s silent, for a long, long moment. Tyler’s just watching him.

“He also has to call his girlfriend,” Jamie offers. “That’s why, um. It’s early even for us.”

“Thank god.” Tyler grins. Jamie nods, but he doesn’t have anything to say either, so he gets up to go to bed too, after telling Tyler where the TV is and how the remote works and that shit. Tyler waves him away, but. He looks kind of alone, in the big kitchen all by himself, and very out of place.

3) Tyler spends three days almost always in his room. Or at least, Jamie thinks so; he’s in his room except for meals when Jamie’s in the house, anyway, and he doesn’t see him much around the ranch, except for when he’s running with the dogs. When he’s not in his room, he’s wandering around the house or the yard, fidgeting like a dog who can smell the rain.

He’s not getting in the way or anything, but Jamie still only lasts until the fourth day before he knocks loud on Tyler’s door, as the sun rises outside.

It takes him a few minutes, but then the door opens, and Tyler’s sleepy face pokes out. “Is something on fire?” He asks, rubbing a hand over his face. Jamie swallows, because Tyler sleep-rumpled is a sight, but then,

“Get dressed,” he says. “You’re helping out today.”

“I’m what?” Tyler asks, blinking. Not like he’s refusing, just like he doesn’t get it.

“You’re going to learn how a farm works,” Jamie tells him. “Come on, milking waits for no man.”

Tyler blinks, then shuts the door.

Jamie mostly expects for that to be the end of it, but five minutes later Tyler’s got jeans and an old Leafs t-shirt on, and he’s scrubbing water off his face. “Okay,” he says, looking determined. “Let’s go.”

So they do. Jamie takes him around the farm with him, introduces him to the hands and shows him how things are done. Tyler’s green, but he’s not stupid, and he asks questions and he touches the animals with the right amount of gentle firmness, and Jamie’s not going to think about that.

They’re finishing off feeding the sick cows in the barn when Esa comes over, to talk with Jamie about the fence in the back pasture.

“You finish up here,” Jamie tells Tyler, wiping his hands off on his jeans. “I’l come back when I’m done.”

Tyler stares at him, like he’s never heard that before. “Just—finish up? With this?”

“You’ve got the hang of it.” He’s been good so far. “I’ll be right back.”

“Um, yeah.” Tyler gives him a little salute, which makes Jamie chuckle. When he comes back from dealing with Esa, the cows are all fed, and Tyler’s looking at him, a little nervous and a little proud.

“Looks good,” Jamie tells him, and Tyler grins. Jamie can’t look at that grin for long.

They finish up the day, then go back in to shower before dinner. Before they go inside, though, Tyler catches his arm.

“Hey. Thanks. For this. I know I slowed you down, but—“

Jamie shrugs. “Looked like you needed something to do. And training only speeds people up in the long run.”

Tyler smiles again, then glances away for a second. “I thought you didn’t like me,” he admits, with a twist to his lips.

“Why?” Jamie doesn’t get it. He doubts anyone ever dislikes Tyler who’s met him.

“Because you didn’t talk to me?” Tyler says, with a self-deprecating laugh. “And wouldn’t look me in the eye?”

“Nah, that’s just Chubbs,” Jordie says, coming out of the office to throw an arm around Jamie. “I told you, he takes a while to settle in. How was your first day at the office?” He asks Tyler, and Tyler lights up again, talking about it.

Jamie slips away to shower as he does. There’s only so much of Tyler’s grin that a man can take.

4) It all spirals quickly, after that.

Tyler would like to say that he isn’t to blame. He’s only human, and he’d like to see the person who could see Jamie Benn hand-feeding a calf and not fall for him hard and fast. Or see him pitching hay, his shirt sticking to his broad chest as he worked in the sun. Or see him with the other employees, leading everyone like he’s forgotten he’s supposed to be shy and awkward. Or see how excited he gets about organic farming and all the sustainable changes they’ve made to the farm (that he’s made, Jordie tells Tyler, as Jamie pretends he isn’t listening; apparently it’s been Jamie’s baby). Or watched a baseball game with him, seen him yell at the screen and get flushed and hyped about it. Or just—seen Jamie, who looked at Tyler and saw what he needed, who didn’t hesitate to trust him with the things he loved most. Not a lot of people have trusted Tyler, historically.

And Brownie can go suck it, if he thinks this is just that Tyler usually falls hard and fast. Jamie’s different. Jamie’s not one of the charming people back in the city, all flirting and hard edges and fast times and fun. Jamie’s. Different, is all Tyler can say, and if Brownie doesn’t believe him, whatever. Tyler knows what’s up.

And for a while, it’s just sort of fun, in a hopeless sort of way; Tyler watches Jamie and banters with him and Jamie warms up, slow and sure. It’s sort of nice, actually; Tyler feels like he earned every time Jamie laughs at him, every time Jamie rolls his eyes and flips him off when he tries to sneak a picture of him framed by the morning light. It makes him feel special, that Jamie trusts him with that. And it just feels good, to make Jamie smile.

It also feels good to see Jamie squirm, which is why Tyler asks, at the bar Jamie took him to to meet up with some of his friends to give Jordie the house for the evening for a date night with his girlfriend, “So he was a big shot in high school?”

The guy Jamie had introduced as Tyson but who had corrected Jamie that it was T-Beauty laughs, as Jamie rolls his eyes.

“Oh yeah, for sure,” Tyson says, grinning mischievously at Jamie. “Shoulda seen him. Baseball, hockey—this guy was the shit.”

“Fuck off,” Jamie retorts, but he’s blushing in the good way. “It was all a team effort.”

“Sure, mon capitan.” Tyson salutes. Tyler laughs as Jamie shoves him almost off the stool. “Wow, see if I give you a compliment next time!”

“You compliment everyone, they aren’t worth anything,” Jamie complains, and Tyson scoffs. Tyler watches. It’s nice to see this too, Jamie casual and comfortable and having fun. He’s a little flushed from his few beers, even though they’re kind of shitty beers, and his long legs are stretched out in front of him.

“Fine then. Should we talk about how despite being captain of two varsity teams, you still only just managed to ask Jess Rogers to prom, then?” Tyson asks, and Tyler leans forward.

“Yeah, I think we should.”

“I really think we shouldn’t,” Jamie says. He pushes up from the table. “Another round?”

“Yeah. Whatever their best whiskey is, though, I need some real alcohol,” Tyler tells him, and Jamie makes a face but goes. Tyler is, again, only human, so he watches a little. Jamie’s jeans are not doing him any favors, but it still manages to work.

He starts to dig more about high school Jamie, because that’s definitely a topic he wants to know more about, so he only looks back at the bar to see some guy chatting with Jamie, a guy a little shorter than Jamie wearing flannel and cowboy boots and standing just a little closer in Jamie’s space that Tyler’s seen Jamie be comfortable with before.

“Oh, hey, speak of the devil,” Tyson says, following Tyler’s gaze.

“What?”

“Jess Rogers.” Tyson nods towards the guy. Tyler’s heart thumps. And maybe his dick a little bit. Okay then. “He’s been trying to get back in Chubbs’ pants since high school, but he was kind of a dick. And not in the way Jamie likes.”

“So that’s what Jamie likes? Dicks?” Tyler tries to be casual, but that’s not something he’s particularly good at.

Tyson gives Tyler a look like he definitely failed at the casual. “The literal kind, sure. The metaphorical kind…I’ll leave the shovel talks to Jord, eh? He’s more intimidating than me.”

Tyler reaches out to pay Tyson’s arm. “Don’t sell yourself short,” He tells him, and Tyson laughs.

“I like him, can we keep him?” He asks Jamie, when Jamie gets back. He hands Tyler a drink, and Tyler takes it. When he takes a sip, he let some linger on his lips so he can lick them, keep eye contact with Jamie.

Jamie definitely watches his tongue. “Um, yeah,” he says, just a beat too late. “As long as he’s here.”

5) Subtlety is not Tyler’s game, and what he needs is just to see, so he doesn’t particularly try. He pushes hard into Jamie’s space, he flexes, he flirts hard, and it gets him what he wants—Jamie is definitely looking back. He didn’t notice before, didn’t think there was a reason to, but. He knows how people who want to fuck him look at him, and that’s definitely it.

Or. It’s it. But maybe it’s more? Tyler’s less certain about that look.

Anyway, one step at a time, and Tyler knows how to put his best foot forward, so he waits until they get back to the ranch, after he lets the dogs back in and Jamie feeds them both water. Then he steps forward until Jamie’s back is to the wall, and he could move if he wanted to but it’d take pushing past Tyler.

Jamie’s breath catches, and his eyes widen. “Ty?” He asks, a little quiet. Unsure. Like he thinks he might be reading this wrong.

“No harm no foul if I’m wrong,” Tyler says, and then he kisses Jamie. Jamie’s not surprised for long, and of course he kisses like Tyler thought he might, beneath all the aw shucks Canadian boy exterior—bossy and sure and steady. It’s not the best kiss Tyler’s ever had, probably, technically, but who cares about technicalities when Tyler can bite at Jamie’s lip and hear the noise he makes at that? When Tyler can pull back to see Jamie staring at him, still like he’s confused but also like he’s so, so pleased?

“Um. So. You want—” Jamie starts, and it sounds like it might take him a while, so Tyler takes over.

“Upstairs, Jameson. Unless you want your brother to catch us bare-assed on the couch.”

Jamie snorts, grins. “Wouldn’t be the first time,” he says, with that hint of a grin in his eyes, and Tyler laughs incredulously as he tugs Jamie upstairs.

6) Jamie’s days pass in a haze of Tyler. He gets his work done, of course, but—Tyler comes with him around the farm, helps out on his own tasks. Pushes him onto the hay of the barn to kiss him, like Jamie all sweaty really gets him going. Poses for selfies with cows and tries to coax Jamie into them. Works out in the yard when he knows Jamie’s working on accounts in the office with the window with a view. And then when they’re done for the day, it’s just—more Tyler, joking and teasing and snapping his pictures and bugging Jordie and waiting for Jordie to go to bed before pushing Jamie onto the couch and going to his knees.

Jamie’s not a virgin, he’s had sex before. He’s had boyfriends before, and they’ve had very satisfying sex lives. But Tyler’s—it’s pretty clear he’s done a lot of shit Jamie hasn’t thought of, and he’s happy to share the fruits of his experience with Jamie.

But it’s not just that. Tyler’s—he helps out with the calves, and he’s started trying to learn to ride a horse even though he’s laughably bad at it, and he sometimes grabs Jamie’s hand just to play with his fingers, casual and sweeter than Jamie had expected.

Jordie just laughs and rolls his eyes at them when he sees them, because if Jamie had been considering keeping it a secret, that chance was basically gone when he’d come down with a hickey on his neck and Tyler looking very smug. It’s…nice. Working on the farm, coming home to dinner with his brother and Tyler.

“He seems very nice,” Jenny agrees. She’s back in town for a few days, and had, like everyone else, been immediately charmed by Tyler. Now she’s sitting at a booth in the bar with Jamie, watching as Tyler dances with one of the girls there. Jamie would maybe be jealous, but Tyler keeps looking at Jamie, like he’s checking in, and also—Tyler’s really hot when he dances. He dances like he knows everyone’s watching and he loves it.

“He’s going to break your heart.” Jenny doesn’t say it like an accusation. She says it like a fact.

“Yeah.” Jamie’s not stupid. He knows what’s going to happen. Tyler’s a city boy, and he’s still got his Instagram and his twitter he updates all the time and all the friends who keep up blowing up his home and the way he laughs at their run down bar and complains about how there’s no good Chinese food and ordered better sheets online because theirs weren’t soft enough. Tyler’s bright as a star, and about as far away. Jamie knows that. Knows that once everything’s died down, Tyler’s going to go back to the city and forget all about this dull little town. “But it’s good while it lasts.”

Jenny shakes her head. “Jamie—“ she starts, all big sister, but then Tyler’s there, holding out his hands.

“Do you mind if I steal your brother?” he asks Jenny. “Someone said there was going to be a line dance and I need someone to show me how.”

“Oh I am not—“

“Take him,” Jenny says, laughing a little. She catches Jamie’s eye, shrugs. “He’s being modest, he’s good at them.”

“Of course he is, what isn’t he good at?” Tyler asks, and Jamie snorts and rolls his eyes but lets Tyler pull him to the dance floor. It is good, he thinks, Tyler’s hand in his. For as long as he can have it.  

7) Tyler doesn’t think about any of that—about the future, about what happens when he goes home. He just thinks about Jamie. He knows he’s playing out of his league here, because he’s a fuck up and Jamie’s—Jamie, steady and grown up and a business owner and all that, but Tyler knows what he’s good at, and he’s definitely got tricks in bed that Jamie’s not used to. Which works out well all around, because Jamie might not be used to them but he can read Tyler’s play like nobody’s business, and he’s learning fast. Tyler’s—worried is the wrong word, but…he’s not entirely sure how he’ll keep tricking Jamie into staying with him, when the sex stops being so novel. Normally Tyler’d buy him shit, or something, but the time Tyler had gotten Jamie some nicer sunglasses Jamie had thanked him, but given him an odd look, and he still wore his old ones.

But for now, Tyler’s…happy. Sure, the ranch is a little quiet, but he likes working with animals, and how he’s getting enough of a hang of the ranch that he actually feels like he’s being helpful sometimes, and hanging out at the bar even with its shitty beer and janky sound system, and he likes Jamie. He lies Jamie a lot.

“Yeah, you’ve said,” Brownie tells him, patient even though Tyler’s told him about Jamie’s thighs a hundred times, probably. Tyler loves his bro. “Are you sure, though? This place looks weird.”

“What do you mean?” Tyler asks, defensive. The ranch is fucking great.

“The pictures on the website make it look like it’s in the 40s, that’s all.” Tyler makes a face, and pulls out his laptop. Brownie’s not wrong.

“Has anyone redone your website in the past forever?” He asks Jamie, knocking on the office door. Jamie looks up from his computer, with the pinched expression he always gets when he’s been thinking about the accounts. Tyler doesn’t want to ask, because it’s none of his business, but he knows what everyone says about farms and how shitty the business is nowadays.

“Um, I don’t know. I think my dad got someone to make it a while ago? We haven’t had the money to hire someone.” Jamie flushes, like he always does when he as to admit to shit like that.

“Bro, you know that like, it’s all about marketing these days, right?” Tyler asks. “Do you even have social media?”

“I don’t know, I think Jenny does—“

“OH, wow, your twitter hasn’t been updated for literal years.” Tyler shakes his head. “Come on, you have adorable animals as your business, how is this nor working?”

“We’ve been busy trying to run a business,” Jamie snaps, that temper of his—slow to rise, but Jamie’s seen him blow up at some teenager who was throwing rocks at the cows—coming in.

“Yeah, right,” Tyler mutters. Obviously this is none of his business. “Clearly I know nothing about that.”

“Fuck, Ty—“ Jamie takes a breath, runs a hand over his face. “I didn’t—I just don’t know about shit like that, okay? Jordie made me shut down my twitter after I did some stupid drunk tweets.”

“Okay, I need to see those, first,” Tyler informs him. “And. Yeah. Okay. So you don’t mind if I take some photos of the calves?”

“No? I don’t see why—“

“Trust me,” Tyler tells him, patting his thigh, and Jamie looks up at him, no hesitation.

“Of course.”

Tyler swallows. It’s so easy. It makes Tyler feel like he deserves it. Like he wants to be the kind of guy who deserves it.

8) Then—Tyler’s mom calls, and says it’s time he can come home.

She calls Tyler, then Jamie separately, to finalize the payments. So Tyler’s already packing when Jamie knocks on his door. Jamie’s not surprised, that he’s getting out of here as fast as he can. He’s just.

Well, he knew what was going to happen, didn’t he?

“So your flight’s tomorrow?” He asks.

“Yeah, bright and early.” Tyler surveys his room. A lot of his shit’s moved to Jamie’s in the past few months, so there’s actually not too much here. “God, I can’t wait to see everyone. Brownie’s been texting me nonstop since I told him, we’ve got so much to catch up on.”

“Right.” Jamie swallows. “Good. I’m glad you get to go home.” He’s not going to be an asshole about this, he’s not.

“And mom got a new dog! She’s got to meet her nephews.”

“Yeah,” Jamie agrees, and Tyler turns to look at him. Jamie tries, he really does, but Tyler’s managed to get good at reading him, these past months. His hand comes up, rests on Jamie’s cheek.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“What’s up?” Jamie echoes. “I—fuck it, never mind.” He turns on his heel, to go downstairs, to go out with the animals who don’t leave him behind. Who are his, his land, his town.

“Jamie! Come on, what’s wrong?” Tyler follows him down the stairs. “Tell me.”

“It’s nothing,” Jamie says, tight. “Have fun in the city. Maybe think about us when you eat some ice cream, if you use real cream.”

“What?” Tyler’s arms cross over his chest. “Think about you?”

“If you have the time.”

“If I—what the hell?” Tyler demands. “Are you breaking up with me?” He throws it at Jamie, but Jamie’s known him well enough to hear what’s underneath it.

“It’s not—you’re leaving,” Jamie says. It’s obvious.

“Yeah, so? They’ve got things called phones now? And FaceTime?”  He’s getting paler, as Jamie shakes his head. “Are you honestly dumping me when you can’t get laid all the time anymore?”

“Don’t be a dick,” Jamie snaps. “I just don’t want to draw out you breaking my heart.”

“So you’re going to break mine now?” Tyler retorts. “Fuck you.”

Maybe this is easier,  Jamie thinks. Maybe it is easier like this.

“Fine,” he says, and takes a breath. Straightens. He’s fine here. He’ll be fine again. “Good luck, Ty. I mean it.”

Tyler glares, and Jamie goes outside.

9) He doesn’t see Tyler again before he leaves.

10) Tyler goes home, because fuck Jamie. Fuck Jamie and his ranch and his earnestness and his thinking Tyler would just forget about him. Tyler wishes he could forget about Jamie. He tries. Tyler goes out to a party the second night he’s back, after spending the first with his mom, pretending like she doesn’t see right through him. He goes out and dances and drinks and finds a guy and tells himself he is definitely going to hook up with him. He definitely is, and who cares who might have a camera, who might see and talk about wild, scandalous Tyler Seguin—

Except. Except he can’t help but see Jamie’s face, and of course, and fuck him. Fuck him for ruining this too. Fuck him for making Tyler think he doesn’t need this.

Tyler gets home by 1. He can’t help but notice his mom’s smile, the next morning.

So partying doesn’t work, so Tyler tries something else. It doesn’t take much research to find a shelter, which seems up his alley. And it’s—it is fun, because it’s playing with puppies, and that’s never work, but. It’s not the ranch. It doesn’t have the same feel to it. Tyler’s volunteering, sure, but he’s not—he’s not adding something a five year old couldn’t do. (There’s no Jamie, Tyler knows. That’s the difference. But Jamie hadn’t wanted him in the end, he’d figured out that Tyler wasn’t worth keeping without sex, and that’s. Not unexpected.).

Then Jenny shows up at his door.

“Hi,” he says, too confused not to let her in. Or maybe to resist her pushing her way in. “Yeah, come in.”

She makes it to the entranceway before she turns on him. It’s like a weird dream, having a Benn standing here, in his house. “I told him it was a bad idea,” she says, like they’d started the conversation already. “I told him it would fuck him up, but did he listen to his older, wiser sister? Of course not.”

“What—“

“My brother,” she says, stabbing a finger at him, “Has been miserable.”

It’s a weird mixture of feelings that evokes in Tyler; he never wants Jamie to be unhappy, but there’s a visceral satisfaction in it too. “So?” He manages to ask. “He broke up with me.”

She snorts. “You can’t break something with an end date.”

“We didn’t have an end date he didn’t put on it,” Tyler snaps. She rolls her eyes.

“Come on. Like you were ever planning to stay with him when you were done with us.”

“Of course I was,” Tyler retorts. She rolls her eyes again, all condescension.

“And what, show him off to your fancy city friends? Your hick boyfriend? Sure.” She shakes her head. “We all knew what it meant.”

“Yeah, I’d have introduced my boyfriend,” Tyler says, trying to keep calm. He would have. He—it’s weird enough having Jenny here, he thinks. It’s true. What would Jamie do here? At one of the parties, like last night? He would have. He would have. “What are you doing here, anyway?” He asks, because that’s—too much. “So Jamie’s miserable. I’m doing great.”

She snorts again. “Unlike my brother, I actually have an Instagram, Tyler. Tell me another one.”

“Well what do you want me to do?” He tries again. “If you’re so sure it’ll never work out.”

“I…” she sighs. “You left it on a bad note. I know Jamie feels especially bad about that.” Of course he told her. The Benns don’t keep secrets from each other. “Maybe if you talk…”

“Then he can call me.”

“I tried that. He thinks you’ve already forgot about him.” She shakes her head. “I think he’s just trying to keep it a clean break, for his own sake, but—it’s not really clean. Not like this.” She looks at him again, and she doesn’t have her brother’s eyes at all, but it’s still somehow close. “Look, if you’re actually happy, let it go and he’ll get over it, but—think about it. Maybe it’ll help you both.”

11) She leaves. Tyler thinks about it. About we all knew and breaking my heart and forgot about him. About the shelter and the ranch.

Then it’s a lot, so he goes on Instagram, because that’s easy. That he knows.

Except he scrolls through until he finds a picture he took, the one he managed to sneak of Jamie holding a calf, feeding a bottle. It’s gotten good pick up, and not all because of the guy.

Tyler can’t look away from the guy though, the way he’s holding the calf in his arms, the way his face is caught between laughing irritation at Tyler taking the picture and fondness at the cow. He thought even then that this was only a thing until Tyler left, Tyler thinks. He’d thought it was only for slice of time, and he’d still turned down Tyler’s gifts, still smiled at Tyler like he didn’t want anything else, anything more.

The next picture’s of the ranch too, the sign against a sunset. It’s gotten really good engagement, actually. And a comment, a ‘are they sustainably farmed? Link please!’

Which. Huh. Tyler turns that over. Thinks about it, too.

And makes a choice.

12) Jamie’s hot, and tired, and he needs a good shower after he’d spent the whole day dealing with a sick cow who they’d had to move into the barn. It’s hot, sweaty work, but it’s also the kind of physical work that Jamie’s good at, that keeps his head in the game and not anywhere else. Say, a city thousands of miles away. Where it has no business being.

He’s considering how to escape Jordie’s continued campaign to get him to go out to the bar that night, like hooking up with someone else could wash Tyler away, when he comes into the yard and—Tyler’s there.

Jamie blinks. He doesn’t think heart break causes hallucinations. But—the other options is Tyler is back here, sitting on the stoop in the ranch yard, wearing the jeans and sneakers like he was planning to work and not the designer stuff he had arrived in before. Looking at Jamie like he was a sight for sore eyes.

“Um. Tyler?” Jamie asks, and Tyler scrambles to his feet.

“Hi. Jamie.” Tyler grins, and it’s as big and overwhelming as it ever was.

“What are you doing?” Jamie asks. His heart’s beating loud in his ears. This is the hurt he wanted to avoid.

“Yeah. So. Here’s the thing. You need a marketing person.”

“Tyler—”

“There’s a whole untapped social media market out there, look. I posted a picture and I got like, a dozen requests for a link.” Tyler’s pulling out his phone, like he’s going to demonstrate it, that hint of nervous he’d have when he needed someone to tell him he was doing a good job. “You can really expand here, and—“

“Tyler,” Jamie interrupts again. He’s sure Tyler’s right, this is what Tyler’s good at, but. Jamie feels ripped open. “Why are you here?” He swallows. “I thought you were back home. Not thinking about” me “us.”

“Yeah, funny story.” Tyler’s smile isn’t very amused. “So this guy broke my heart.” Jamie really doesn’t want to hear this.

“Ty—“

“Turns out, he’s got this complex, see. Thinks that he’s forgettable. Like I could ever forget about him.” Tyler shakes his head, tsking his tongue, but he’s not looking away from Jamie.

“You went home.” Jamie knows that, even if Tyler’s back here, with the hot sun on their necks. “You went back to the city. This isn’t your home.”

Tyler takes a second, squaring his shoulders, like he’s gathering courage. Then, “But it could be,” he says, and he sounds—hopeful and trying not to hope at once, like he could be casual. “I—could help out on the ranch, and do the marketing, and—”

“You got bored here for three months,” Jamie cuts him off, before he can start to hope. This place is in Jamie’s bones and blood, but he gets it’s not for everyone. “You couldn’t get back to the city fast enough, I saw—”

“Because I missed people. But that’s what visiting is for.” Tyler swallows again. “I haven’t—I’ve never felt like I could actually be useful, until I came here. Until you trusted me with this. There’s nothing back h—back there, that feels like this. But I can help, and—“

“We can’t pay you.” Jamie feels like he’s throwing things at a wall, but he needs—he can’t. This is too much, too terrifying, too everything he wants.

Tyler smirks, suddenly. “You’ll be able to once I’m done.”

“Tyler,” Jamie says again, because it’s all he can say. “Are you sure?” If he wasn’t—Jamie knows that heartbreak would be so much worse.

Tyler nods, brilliant and bold and reckless. “Can I stay?”

Jamie’s officially done with words, so he grabs Tyler and kisses him instead, and Tyler kisses him back just as desperate, like he doesn’t notice the sweat or the heat or any of it. Like he’s coming home.

[alexandrasavior]

Alexandra Savior AMA !!

COMING IN HOT BITCHES!!!!

Hi Alex! How much of the instrumentation was figured out before heading into the studio? Did you just bring in bare minimum demos and then fleshed them out in the studio? Or did you have most of it prepared and just recorded it? I really loved the album by the way!

Thank you! It was different for each track. A lot of the songs I had full fleshed demos that my band and I had recorded in Portland, and Sam Cohen and I worked around those. Some of the tracks like "But You" I had some Garage band demos I made on my own that we worked around, and some of the tracks like "Soft Currents" were just raw iPhone recordings of me playing and singing, and Sam and I worked out together in the studio.

Your music has some really interesting chord progressions and melodic phrases. To what extent do you consciously apply music theory to your songwriting, and how much just comes naturally from ear and instinct?

To no extent :/ I am not super skilled in music theory, I just play around until it seems like it makes sense to me

You described your desire for Belladonna of Sadness to sound "murderous", and I thought that darkness and dangerous feeling really shone through. What adjectives would you powerfully ascribe to your sophomore album? What tonal differences were important to you while recording?

I like this question! hmmmmmm. “honest"

I'm pretty new to your music, but, everyday I can't stop myself from liking it more. My two current favorite songs are “The Phantom” and “Bad Disease”. I've seen that many people prefer other songs from the album, so that made me think. What is your personal favorite song from your new album? Thanks!

“But You”!

Hypothetical: You’re making a new album and need to assemble your dream band. Anyone dead/alive. Who are you choosing?

My best friend Emma, my boyfriend, Mel, and like my therapist

Is there anything that you do in terms of practice when it comes to vocals/guitar/songwriting to improve yourself? Interested to hear

Try to play everyday

I'd love to know if you've got any cool, hidden talents that you haven't shown in public. Also I badly want to know who's done the cover for both “Saving Grace” and “Crying All the Time”.

ME! I painted them

What are your tips for marketing your music and getting more people to stream/buy your music?

I am lucky because I have a team that guides me through social posts, and a publicist. But don't post pics of your butt

Your music and music videos have so many cinematic elements to them. Does an affinity for film influence your music? If so, do you have some favorite films you can mention?

yes! Bonnie and Clyde, Rosemary's Baby, Don't Look Now, Fargo, Daisies

I've seen a few people comparing your latest work with Lana del Rey's. Do you listen to her? Was she really an inspiration for the record?

I like Lana she's talented, I understand the comparison in some ways , people tend to compare things naturally. But, no she wasn't my personal inspiration in any conscious way

Did you make a conscious effort to distance yourself from the sound of Belladonna of Sadness with this new album?

No, I have gotten mixed feedback some people say its the exact same sound, some say it is different, I just created what came naturally to me and used sounds that I am personally drawn to.

If you were to try to make someone a fan of your music, but could only show them three of your songs, what songs would you show them?

oooooh! hmmmmm. “But You”, “Audeline”, “Crying All The Time”.

Excuse me Ms. Savior - I fell in love with your duet "We're Just Making It Worse" many moons ago. What can you tell us about that song?

Thanks! Well my homie Cameron Avery wrote that tune, he just asked me to sing on it and I was glad to!

What do you think was the biggest difference between writing The Archer and Belladonna of Sadness?

i was alone

What advice would you give to up and coming musicians in the LA scene? Any Dos or Don’ts? Thank you :)

Don’t be gross and creepy! Don't worry about that hipsta shit. Do be nice and make your own shit!

What is the most unusual thing that you do to help you write or to help you get some inspiration?

Stalk all my exes’ new gfs on insta and then eat an entire chocolate cake

Will we ever get to hear your version of “Miracle Aligner”?

probs not

When does the vinyl for The Archer ship? I am hoping to get one of you drawings with mine!

First batch tomorrow 1/17/2020. Second batch Tuesday 1/21/2020. Thank You!

I saw a clip from a concert you gave recently. It was you with a couple of bandmates singing something acapella. What's that song? Is it yours? It was gooorgeous. Any chance you're coming to Barcelona?

"The Oak and The Ash", an old celtic song. I will be playing Sala Nau May 13th!!!!!!!!

Can you talk about the differences in recording your first album while signed to a major label and this album while signed to a indie label? I know you’ve spoken about why you left Columbia, but I was wondering how your personal process differed this time around, especially with different resources and personnel?

Yeah it was a lot less pressure making this record, I had more say and more freedom of expression.

You said in an interview that you wrote the songs for The Archer on piano or guitar and brought them to the studio recorded on your phone. Would you ever consider releasing these as bonus tracks? 

I might ya! They’re probably a lot less interesting than you think

Do you have any tips on how to overcome writers block/find new ways to approach writing ? I've been struggling a bit lately... Have you been reading lately? If so, what books would you recommend ? :)

Just be kind to yourself, do what is natural, don't beat yourself up. I just re-read "My Year of Rest and Relaxation" by Otessa Moshfegh, now I am ready " Conversations With Friends" by Sally Rooney. I would recommend any Joan Didion, also I enjoy Salingers "Nine Stories"

This album feels a lot more personal than the first one. How would you say it compares in relation to how you expressed yourself as an artist?

I was very insecure while writing my first record, and I was co-writing so I used a lot of techniques to shelter my own opinions and feelings, in The Archer it was just me, so it was more of a journal entry than a big fancy record

Which artists did you grow up admiring, and inspired your style? Also, do you have any poetry recommendations, seeing how all your lyrics are poems in their own right?

hmmmm. ok Hilary Duff, Elvis, The White Stripes, Billie Holiday. Poetry: I don’t read much poetry but I like Rimbaud and Sylvia Plath

How did you feel when you found out “Risk” played on True Detective?

I cried

On Belladonna, what inspired the lyrics and melody for “Till You're Mine”? That song is always on repeat in my household.

Thanks! I would say my own insecurities and jealousy towards a specific woman in my life

Do you write the melodies as well as the lyrics or is it a collaborative effort?

For this record I wrote the melodies, lyrics, and chords for every song aside from "The Phantom" which was a collaboration with Sam Cohen.

What inspired you to make this new album?

I just make songs, and each song was inspired by something different, but mostly I needed to show people I WRITE MY SONGS

Do you have plans to sell more merch? I would really love to get my hands on signed stuff or one of your drawings/crafts.

yes workin' on merch now! <3

As a budding songwriter and musician myself is there any advice or wisdom you could pass on when it comes to making a career out of it?

I think writing as much as you can and trying to write honestly is important. I was lucky in a strange string of events that started my career, and every dream is different, but I suppose just keep writing and releasing your songs wherever you can

Often when I listen to music I tend to relate the song to places I've been to or places I'm at while listening. Is it the same for you when you write your songs? Do you think about a specific place for each song?

Yeah totally!

Would you ever be interested in collaborating with another artist on their record?

Yeah! Depends on who, I have always wanted to sing on a rap song.

Collab with Weyes Blood coming anytime soon?

i wish brah

Any tips on staying sane with dating apps?

don’t do dating apps

Romance is a topic which you touch upon in both of your albums. Do you have any words or phrases that have helped you through a difficult time, both in dealing with or exploring relationships past or present, if so what are they? What is your favorite set of lyrics ever, i.e. phrases etc.

"fuck hem he's a deck", "Kathy's Song" Simon and Garfunkel, "I Remember" Molly Drake

Do you use more real life experience or do you use more imagination/creativity when writing lyrics?

Depends how boring my personal life is at the time haha

What's your favorite Beatle, favorite Beatle album and favorite Beatle song?

Georgie boy <333333333

Are there any plans to record/release that “political song” with the violin that you played at Homiefest last year? For a third album maybe? Thanks, loved you since 2015 when I first heard that “Risk” demo for True Detective. The Archer is a masterpiece no bullshit.

maybe! lol

Where is the love for Chicago? How come we haven't had any shows yet?

Give me a break homie I don't plan this stuff! Would love to come to Chicago! It all depends on timing and $$$$

What was the most challenging song to write on this record?

maybe bad disease

Will there be more music videos?

I dont think so :/

I noticed for both of your releases, theres been a decent amount of time.. between when they were recorded and released. Have you found this frustrating more than anything or is it nice to have time to sit with the album?

Well, sometimes it is hard to move on and write more, with so much time between the final touches of the record and the actual release.... But, it ebs and flows and its out now so its no difference to me now

Who are some artists/bands that you personally enjoy listening to?

Jessica Pratt, The Jhamels, Molly Drake

You also seem like a prolific painter, who would you point to as inspiration/muse? My best guess would be Picasso.

Alice Neel 100%

When you feel like you’re stuck when you’re writing a song, what do you do to get around it?

I stop writing for a while, don't force it. Everyone's process is different so I try not to beat myself up too much about it

When Kevin Parker hit reddit someone asked him about if he can upload a new song and he did so... Can we hear a new song ?

If Kevin Parker jumped off a bridge WOULD YOU ?!

Who's your dream musical collab? If you were to make a soundtrack what director would you work with?

dream collab: Snoop Dogg, director: Quentin

Can you say a little bit about the creation of the album art? It's understated but there is definitely a mood there!

my dear friend Dana Trippe took the photos, and my dear friend Aaron Mitchell did the fonts

Noticed your music has a very “old horror movie/spaghetti western” vibe to them. Any films/soundtracks that inform your sound you’d recommend?

ooooh Anything Coen Brothers or Wes Anderson

How much was growing up in Portland an influence on your music?

I would say the rain had a lot to do with my melancholy, but also the music scene in Portland has always been very DIY and rock-based so “ guess that influenced me in some way.

What’s your favorite song of your’s lyrically and your favorite song to perform?

fave lyrically: Bad Disease, fave to perform: But You or Mystery Girl

The whole record was amazing but “Soft Currents” keyboards are really something else, are you planning to write more on the piano?

thank you! yes been writing a lot on the ole ivories

I love how a lot of your songs sound very cinematic - would you like to get into movie music in some capacity? Either scoring or soundtrack?

Awh hell yeuh

Is there a particular song that you're most proud of?

But YOu!

What would you say is your favorite guitar that you own and what is your dream guitar to own?

I am not much of a gear-head though I would love and old nylon string

Do you think that “Risk” will ever be made available on Spotify and Apple Music?

Unfortunately, because it was released on T-Bone Brunette's label, there was a legal situation that made me unable to release it separately. :/

Will you be making more of those amazingly weird embroidered underwear for your new tour? Obvs need some Savior swag on this tush.

I wish! I don’t have a sewing machine anymore but I will be selling my lil boxes online soon

Any chance for a show in Toronto? I'm a big fan, and I introduced my mom to your music and she absolutely loves you (her words) so I'd love to take her to one of your shows

hahah awh <3 None planned at the moment :(

What song on The Archer was a struggle to finish? Or were they all easy?

easy peasy lemon squeezy

Don't want to take away from your latest release (because it is an amazing album) but was there a reason you decided to not work with Alex Turner or James Ford for any of the new songs, writing or producing?

-__-

Since both your albums have been about relationships mostly, would you ever consider making a political song/album? What is your stance on that old debate?

I write what comes naturally to me

What should I name my snail stuffed animal?

gail

Why didn’t you get a proper promotional run from Columbia for Belladonna? It’s an amazing album but I just found out about you through The Archer (which is equally amazing).

I can't really say, but I don’t think I was ever gonna make the kind of $$$ Columbia wanted

Would you like to tour South America at some point in your career?

awh hell yeuh!

Is there any particular era/motive which inspires your music visuals (album covers, music videos)? All the best from Split, Croatia!

70s!

Based on your Spotify stats, what are the countries that listen to you the most?

IDK! France seems to be very supportive

Any artist that you like that you could recommend?

Jessica Pratt, Sudan Archives, Vagabon

What's your favorite thing to draw/paint?

women

Who is your favorite artist / what is your favorite album at the moment, and how would you say this impacted on how The Archer sounds? Also please come to the North of England 😂

I AM!!! CHECK MY TOUR SCHEDULE AND COME BB!! favorite album rn "The Colour Green" by Sibylle Baier

What’s playing in your head now?

the click clacking of a mac keyboard

How do you like your coffee?

a lil bit of almond milk

Will The Archer be getting a cd release?

no :(

That's all folks! Thank for all of the questions, and most of all thank you so much for listening to my songs, it is a dream come true <3 Come see me play at my upcoming shows ! Can't wait to see you there <33333 amour my homies

[littledreamybeth]

Just perfect

A/N: Hi beautiful darlings and Merry Christmas!! 🎄🎁🎁🎋Hope y’all enjoy this lovely day so far! Here is my gift for you! I’m not quite sure about it, feels like something is missing but I still hope you get the message! Your reactions will show if I succeeded or not! ❤❤❤ I’m not the best writer but I still hope that my stories give you some kind of comfort and entertain you!

Warnings: Hints of sexual intercourse at the end, body image issues (Do not read if you’re not comfortable with these)

Y/N didn’t like her body. It was far worse. She despised it.

There was nothing she could brag with nor she could be proud of.

The young woman unfortunately had a very toxic relationship with her mirror, which often let to heavy tears and hating herself even more. She couldn’t look at herself without being disgusted at what she saw. Herself…

She had a lot of things to criticize about. According to Y/N, she didn’t fit to the definition of beauty at all. Her breasts were too small, her hips were too wide, her butt was too big, and she had stretchmarks sprawled at some parts. She felt so unattractive and ugly in her own body that this feeling was reflected well through her choice of clothing. She barely wore something revealing or anything that accentuated her curves. She’d rather stick to oversized pullovers and lose pants.

When she walked on the streets, it was almost as if people judged her whenever they paid a glance at her. Evaluating her appearance.

The more confused she had been when one of the most famous artists in the world asked her out and confessed his love for her after months of dating. She knew Harry deserved better, so out of all models or female artists he could have been with, why did he choose her? She had nothing to offer anyways.

She didn’t look desirable or sexy. Many times had she considered undergoing surgery to fix her problem, however, would that be the solution to make her happy at the end? What if something went wrong and she would pay with her life? Was risking so much worth enough? Accidents happened during cosmetic surgeries even if they rarely occurred. Besides, what if she wasn’t satisfied with the result? What if, what if? So many doubts…

Also, she knew that Harry would be completely against the idea, so she didn’t try.

However, one day, she chose to share her concerns with him.

“Harry, am I desirable?” Y/N asked that evening when they were casually chilling on the couch. Harry almost chocked on his iced tea, his bewildered pupils meeting hers in confusion.

“What the hell?”

“I mean what do you like about me so much? I have practically nothing-“

“Don’t!” Harry interrupted her. “Don’t you dare to finish that sentence.”

Y/N stood still, playing with her fingers, not a little sound escaping her mouth. Harry stared at her somewhat disappointed.  

“Is it my past?” Harry questioned after a short moment of silence, it was the first thing that came into his mind and he kind of blamed himself for her discomfort. “Does my past make you feel self-conscious about yourself? The women I was with?” Inwardly, he really hoped the answer was no.

“I don’t think so… I just don’t love myself… Can’t love myself… Never have…”

“Why not?”

Y/N shrugged her shoulders. Tears started to pile in her eyes, a few of them falling down her cheeks. Wiping them away quickly, she continued. “There is nothing about me I can be proud of.” That broke Harry entirely. How could the woman he was deeply infatuated with not love herself?

He stood up, grabbing her hand tightly and dragged her with him.

“Where are we going?”

Her question was responded when she found herself in their shared bedroom.

“And what now?” She was waiting for his next move.

“Undress yourself,” Harry ordered determinedly.

“Excuse me?” Her eyes opened as wide as they could, her mouth almost dropping to the ground. She couldn’t believe her ears.

“You heard me quite well, pet. Either you take your clothes off or I’ll do it. Whatever suits you best, baby.”

Y/N scoffed, throwing her hands to the air. “You’re unbelievable.”

“Yeah, and you still love me to death. Now, off with your clothes! I’m not repeating myself.”

She wanted to protest, but Harry signaled her by crossing his arms that he wasn’t having any of her nagging, so she had to do what was ordered.

She peeled her shirt over her head, yet it wasn’t enough for Harry.

“Your bra goes off, too.”

“But-“

He shushed her by pressing his finger against her lips.

“No need to be ashamed, love. It’s nothing I haven’t already seen before.”

She removed his finger from her lips. “Yeah but it doesn’t mean I still get comfortable around you when I’m naked.”

“Well, I suppose it’s time we change that feeling, don’t we?”

Once every piece of clothing, except for her panties of course, was off her body, Harry grabbed his love by her shoulders and eyed her from top to bottom with prying eyes, wetting his lips shamelessly at the delicious sight in front of him. And that woman really dared to complain about her physique? Had she ever seen how appetizing she looked, whether it be naked or not? If it had been for Harry, he would always gladly take the advantage to show her how beautiful she was indeed, even if she didn’t fit to the beauty standards of nowadays’ society in her opinion. But todays’ society is heavily corrupted, forcing young women to believe the image of being skinny with a flat stomach and flawless skin defined true beauty. It has celebrities promoting flat tummy teas and pills that promise fast results. Bullshit!!! Manipulating young girls and women is all they do and get paid for it. Harry could burst into flames out of anger.

Despite claiming otherwise, he knew Y/N was comparing herself to the women he once used to date. He knew she asked herself why she wasn’t as attractive as them. He knew she went through her Instagram feed, wishing she looked like those Insta ‘models’ who consist of nothing more than plastic and heavily photoshopped pictures. They were just fooling everyone, why couldn’t she see?

Harry had never been the man to judge a person for their appearance. He wouldn’t want Y/N to look any different, that’s a fact. She was just perfect the way she was, and Harry loved her for it.

The cold air hitting her bare skin made Y/N shudder slightly.

After observing her, Harry led her to the body length mirror on the opposite side of their bed, placing her right in front of it while he positioned himself behind her.

Such a pretty face on a pretty neck, she yet had to discover it. He softly fondled her cheek.

“Now, I want you to pay a look at yourself,” he instructed, a trace of strictness lingering his voice. “I want you to see the beauty that I see every day.”

He tried to uncover her arms from her chest which she had kept hidden underneath them.

“Harry, no!”

“Love, I cannot help you if you’re not able to face yourself.”

“But they are too small…”

“What if your boobs are too small, huh?” Harry mumbled into her ear, cupping her breasts gently with his hands and squeezing them, which made her moan a little. “Look pet, they just fit perfectly into my hands. And they feel amazing and so soft.”

She finally looked up and a chuckle left her mouth when she gave him a slight clap on his shoulder. “You silly.”

“Hey, I’m trying to show you how beautiful your breasts are, and this is how you repay me? I’m offended.” Harry pursed his lips to a pout, looking like a little child, which made Y/N laugh even more.

“Besides, they’re going to grow anyways, filled with lots of milk to feed our future child.” He caressed her naked belly adoringly.

“Really? And what if I don’t want a baby?” Harry’s hands stopped immediately, his face reflected an expression of horror.

“Excuse me, miss? You can’t be serious!” He blinked. “I’m not Harry Styles if I don’t put a baby in that tummy of yours. You’ll see.”

“Aww… Don’t cry, baby,” Y/N cooed. Harry rolled his eyes at her, faking annoyance.

“What I simply want to say is; Just embrace your natural boobs, darling. Do you really want docs to stuff silicone in them? Some women don’t even have ones, so consider yourself as lucky, hmm?”

He may have a point though.

Harry shot a content smile when he saw her torn expression. He somewhat had her right where he wanted her to be.

“What next?” He found the next thing he adored about her.

“Ah yes, I love your nice little bum. It’s so squishy. Just the way I like it.” He let his hands glide up and down her bottom, pinching her cheeks without hurting her.

“Stop it, H.” Despite whining under his touch, she still adored the given attention.

“Make me. I know you like it, don’t you? Me rubbing your ass just like this?”

“What?! No, you perv. Get your hands off my booty now!”

She attempted to free herself by backing forward, however, Harry had her caged strongly in his arms, it was quite impossible.

“Nobody compares with your bum, my love. ‘s not big at all. Just perfect.”

He knew she used to complain about her bottom whenever they went shopping. It had always been a hard deal for her to find fitting jeans. But for Harry, they were still perfect.

“May I share something with you?” he inquired.

“Shoot.”

“You wanna know what I fell in love with the first time I saw you in that bar?”

It had been a Thursday’s evening. Y/N and her friends were gathered at the local bar around their block and it had been also one of the few nights in which she was dressed decently. She had worn a navy-blue dress and matching heels; her face was slightly covered with makeup and her hair was curled into locks. Harry, being also there, couldn’t tear his eyes away from the young woman who was chatting carelessly with her friends, only focusing on one thing the entire time. He couldn’t get it out of his for days after meeting her.

“Tell me,” she breathed, their faces only inches apart and his eyes spoke volumes. He tightened his grip around her waist.

“Your smile. Your wonderful, adorable and ravishing smile that gets every man down on his knees for you. Your smile makes you pretty and desirable. I have always loved you for yourself, nothing more. Your body is just a bonus.” He winked at her. A hint of red appeared on Y/N’s cheeks.

Harry eyed her from top to bottom once again.

“I just want to let you know that I love you so incredibly much. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve laid my eyes on whether your boobs might be small or your ass might be big, I don’t care. I love you for you and wouldn’t want to trade you for anyone else. I mean it Y/N.  I’d put my life on the line for you.”

“So, you say you would even love me even if I’d weigh hundred kilos?” Y/N raised her eyebrows at him, wondering what he might answer.

“Like I mentioned it before, I love you the way you are and yes, I would even if you’d weigh hundred kilos. At least, I had something to grab on.” Both exchanged a laughter and Y/N rested the back of her head against his shoulder.

“Thank you for making me feel better about myself, H.”

Harry pressed his lips against her forehead. “You don’t need to look like everybody else, m’love. You’re unique in your own way. Everybody is.” (!!!)

Then, he hummed a quite very familiar tune into her ear, followed by his deep voice that was filling the entire room.

“You never love yourself half as much as I love you…” He swayed their bodies to the song, constantly looking at her through the mirror, seeing her smile which made him smile automatically. Making her happy is all that he wanted.

“And you never treat yourself right darling, but I want you too…” His lips trailed from her shoulders to the crook of her neck… “If I let you know I’m here for you...” … up to her throat and he gently licked the spot underneath her ear whereas she flinched at the sudden wet contact of his tongue with her skin and let out a soft giggle.

“Maybe you’ll love yourself like I…”  His eyes fixed her lips but before sealing them to a kiss, he ended the song with “… love you”.

Y/N could feel butterflies erupting her stomach and her heart increasing its beat. She was always on cloud 9 each time they kissed.

“Don’t you ever hide from me, beautiful, did I make myself clear?”

Y/N nodded her head. “I will try my best.”

“Promise?” he urged her.

“Promise.”

“Good.”

Suddenly, she was hoisted up and slung over Harry’s shoulder, a squeal of surprise escaping her throat. She could feel all the blood flooding down to her head. Before she could even adjust to the position, she was already thrown gently onto their king-sized bed, the silky surface of their sheets feeling comfortable against the skin of her back. Her eyes met his lustful gaze and she watched him taking off his clothes and throwing them aside until he was completely naked. He approached her slowly yet seductively as if he wanted to make her beg for him the longer he took. He never tore his eyes away from her by the time his knees met the mattress and finally he was hovering over her body.

Connecting their lips again, he kissed her hungrily this time. The sweet taste of her tongue invaded his senses and Harry wanted nothing more to devour her until he had tasted her entirely. He backed away, discovering her flushed cheeks and red, bitten lips from their heated kiss. She looked just adorable. So pretty. A cheeky smirk decorated his features. He wasn’t even done with her yet. It was just the beginning of a night full of passion and devotion.

“And now, let me prove you that actions can speak louder than words.” Harry rasped while tearing her panties from her legs and then connecting their bodies like two fitting puzzles.

At that night, Y/N was learning to love herself a little bit more, with Harry’s help of course.

She was desirable indeed.