#insane. is this thing on. can anyone here me. its so dark in here
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istherewifiinhell · 3 months ago
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... i have the stupidest post to make later oh my god
istherewifiinhell august 15, 2024
Bob Budiansky has said that he named Ratchet after the less-friendly medic Nurse Ratched from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
Ratchet_(G1)#Notes
Nurse Ratched (full name Mildred Ratched in the movie, also known as "Big Nurse") is a fictional character and the main antagonist of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, first featured in Ken Kesey's 1962 novel as well as the 1975 film adaptation. A cold, heartless tyrant, Nurse Ratched has become the stereotype of the nurse as a battleaxe.
Nurse_Ratched
Oddly, his handwritten notes refer to Ratchet as "her" and the Autobots' "go-to gal" for repairs. While this obviously was not the final direction the character took, it is an odd coincidence...
Ratchet_(G1)#Notes
Well, I remember bringing up that question early on with Hasbro, "are any of these female?" And then I think Hasbro's attitude was, "this is a boy toy. We don't wanna have, you know, girl robots." So, I said, "OK, just want to clarify that." Bob Budiansky, Rusting Carcass interview
Female_Transformer
[...] Her rough language and manners belies the stereotypes associated with her sex [...] She's more prone to giving her leader, Optimus Prime, a lot backtalk than the other autobots
Close-up of Bob Budiansky's original handwritten bio for Ratchet
A battle-axe is a derogatory traditional stereotype describing a woman characterized as aggressive, overbearing and forceful.
Battle-axe_(woman)
Agreed. I only hear Jeffrey Combs as Ratchet these days. He's the best Ratchet IMO" —Alex Milne, Twitter, 2016/04/03
Jeffrey_Combs#References
Louise Fletcher as Nurse Ratched in the 1975 film adaptation
Nurse_Ratched
Combs is also known for playing a variety of characters on multiple Star Trek TV series, most notably recurring Deep Space 9 villain Weyoun.
Jeffrey_Combs
Fletcher had a recurring role as the Bajoran religious leader Kai Winn Adami in the television series Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993–99).
Louise_Fletcher
WRONG FUCKING DS9 ACTOR YOU FUCKING DUNCES
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milolovesbmc · 1 month ago
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What if Doug and Kayleen Gpi were lesbians. Are you guys ready for this one yet. Am I too early
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lebrookestore · 1 year ago
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oh girl what the fuck
#so....i have investigated to the best of my abilities and i am still thoroughly lost so thats that#but what?? literally so much transpired ok so firstly soobin flipped seunghan off with his toes like what....#SEUNGHAN WAS KICKED OUT OF RIIZE FOR SMOKING..... R U KIDDING ME LMFAO THATS SO?????#PLEASE he was doing normal dumb teenager things u should see the people in my college and literally every other college here#why do people drag any sort of celebrity for making normal human decisions#like yes it isn't good for you no shit it isn't but im sure he's mentally sane enough to know that#people who smoke are AWARE of the fact its not good for them trust me i have friends who are well aware#the consequences are on every single pack like they know#bro got kicked out for something literally millions of other people do like what kpoppies are insane and sm is stupid#secondly....i don't even know how to address the made in abyss scandal like it seems so messy what even#let me be so clear here if this allegations are true then i am absolutely disgusted and cannot even fathom what the fuck is happening#like woozi taeyong everyone what#but from what i have seen... and PLEASE DO NOT MISTAKE THIS AS ME DEFENDING ANYONE I AM SIMPLY STATING WHAT I HAVE SEEN ON TWITTER DOT COM#the copy that taeyong had of that manga was the censored version#does this help no not really but i don't really know enough about this situation i will look into it as much as i can i just have no TIME#ive also seen that all of them have been cleared??? so thats also something we should take into consideration i suppose#and the manga/anime is advertised as gore/horror etc ofc this does not excuse its contents literally what the fuck is that author on#but i have to state how entirely hypocritical it is to judge someone based off the media they consume because i know damn well#that a lot of people consume very fucked up content like dark fiction is a thing have yall seen the ya novels nowadays#that does not make the person who consumes it condone it...bc its fiction#at the end of the day these are men i dont trust them as delusional as i may portray myself on this hellsite#also i saw a tweet ab someone on twitter saying bc taeyong reads beserk and that is also a manga with incredibly dark themes he must be#fucked up#firstly a lot of manga/anime have dark themes but thats not the point#a LOT of people around the world have read that manga (im literally not talking ab taeyong here i promise)#literally people i know have#they KNOW how fucked up it is they dont recommend it to anyone and literally say read it at your own risk its fucked up#it does not mean they directly condone the shit that goes on in the manga they have quite the opposite stance actually#(beserk is also the nunber 1 rated manga of all time i know this my ex doesn't shut up ab it and neither does one of my best friends)#anyway i dont know much about this yet so i will look into it more; had no idea what was happening until five mins ago but literally wtf ma
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scummrevisited · 6 months ago
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"two bodyguards drag me away" has been my fav way to finish insane sentences, its up there with "who said that", "can anyone hear me", "is this thing on" and "its so dark in here"
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the-acid-pear · 1 year ago
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Dissociation is probably the easiest state of mind for me to notice. When any other matter is modifying my brain it's impossible for me to be sure if I'm experiencing it or not, but for dissociation is SOOO easy because I can just say my legal name and not feel weird and that just solves it 👍
#luly talks#meant to post this like a week ago more than a week ago like a few months ago but i forgor 💀#anyway bc i was walking and i started wondering if i was dissociating (difficult moment) so i just sid that#i thought of three basic things about me: full name; age; nationality#sometimes gender too#see sometimes it's hard to be trans when you also dissociate but its very different for me#one thing is dysphoria because when dysphoric its like. i see what i am and it makes me unhappy#but when dissociating its straight up. i see what i am but this is not me#like its not wrong in a way that you can change its wrong as if you were looking on those funny mirrors#not that exaggerated but its that feeling yknow?#anyway reminding myself of basic bits of info like name nationality gender age can help ground me#and im gonna sound a bit insaner here GO AWAY ⚠️ LAST CHANCE#sometimes its counterproductive in a way because i say that information but that information is wrong it feels wrong and it shakes me up#because like i said i am im possession of Symptoms but they're very blurry because the VILLAIN aka antipsychotics#which made irreversible damage so its like. i feel like lm kicking someone out. or even like we lost track of who is who#there's no direct communication there's nothing solid physical its like being on a dark room and you can't recognize anyone its FOGGY#you can see the outline but how far will that take you? you are guessing. and if one is dissociating it tends to mean ALL are dissociating#aAnyway that was enough speech about the brain goodbye i have to sexualize that puppet now#brain stuff
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sleep-0-deprived · 1 month ago
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I literally am lovinggg your stories! Especially the yandere ones omg. I usually hate the yandere trope but yours is just so yummy. What about a yandere Logan, him being jealous over his “best friend” hanging around Scott a little too much🎀
Ambrosia (Yandere Logan x male reader) ~! ꒰ᐢ⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝ᐢ꒱⸒⸒
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WC:. 2.5k
Tags: jealous sex, gay sex, slight praising, Yandere themes dark content and gaslighting ect! Blow jobs (reader receiving) pet names, biting, mating press, Logan is a lil mean but with good intentions, anal creampies, little bit of cum eating, slight feminization, Logan obsessing over your scent, dirty talk(referring to readers hole as a cunt) <33
A/N o’m gosh! I love your page it’s designed so cute and I’m obsessed with your writing, specially Logan! I always see you in my notifs and I appreciate you’re likes sm ,I never see enough male reader posts on this man and I’m goin feral over here~ ໒꒰ྀི˃ ⤙ ˂ ꒱ྀིა
It was no surprise to anyone in the x mansion that you always cling to a man like Logan, you were anywhere he was, or the other way around and some people being storm and Scott always tried to warn you how unhealthy it was for the two of you but gosh if you weren’t just a naive man.
Logan would just murmur out “they don’t know a thing doll” while his hands massage your thighs keeping you to himself all hours of the night in his bedroom and that was just fine by you after all this was normal friend behavior right?….he just cares a lot is it!
In the current weeks though, Dr. Xavier had put you on more missions with Scott and occasionally Jean, and Logan was dead set that professor X was against him thinking he was trying to pry you away from him that they were trying to steal you away. Logan would be damned if any of them got to have you, after a long day with Scott you and Jean coming back from a mission you were approached by Logan. “Can you stay with me?…I’m having nightmares again and I really don’t wanna be alone..”
His head drained down to your neck looking over at Scott with narrowed eyes as he spoke in a gruff and mighty convincing tone to you having you all wrapped around his pretty claws practically humming you and massaging your crotch through your jeans getting you to his bedroom leaving a pissed off Scott looking right at you “he never listens to me dammit! I told him he needed to start getting more independence from Logan!” He yelled over at Jean in a hushed whisper
“we can’t make him learn, they are both as codependent as eachother and in a unstable way they are like the perfect storm” Jean just shook her head and turned on her heels heading down her own hallway to her room leaving Scott taking one last glance at Logan’s bedroom door shutting behind the two of you before he himself just headed off to his own room.
“Why are you spendin s’much time with Scott these day…? Do you not like being around me anymore angel?” He’d coo to you his hand reaching between your thighs gripping your cock kissing the back of your neck making you shiver. “Mh—no it’s not that Logan- never”
you’d just whine as he undoes your belt pushing you back down onto his best and slipping his thumbs under your waits band getting your boxers off you. “Of course you wouldn’t would you doll? You’re just a sweet boy” he murmurs gently stroking your inner thighs with your uniform shirt skin tight with the leather hugging each and every plump curve of you w/s waist.
“Yeah I promise Lo, I promise—“ you can’t help but for him like a puppy chasing its owner with your cock leaking a slick mess against the black leather of your shirt driving you insane feeling torn rim rubbing all against his bed sheets, “I know you mean well darlin, think you deserve a reward?”
He lets one of his claws break the skin on his knuckle and traced up your red cockhead. His face dipping clutching at your thighs with a sense of infatuation looking up at you like some god with his chocolate eyes never leaving yours when he pressed a wet kiss against your tip removing his hand off your thigh and holding it still taking one big lick up the side of it.
“Take me more, just a little more Logan, c’mon” you instinctively buck your hips on the bed arching your back just wanting to grip his head and make him deep through you, your brows inching together and the zipper of your shirt feeling to tight with your heated circumstances leaving you unzipping and stripping for him.
“Goddamn angel! you’re like sugar on my tongue doll” suddenly you were his ambrosia, he picked up his pace and took your cock fully into his mouth deepthroating letting his tongue slip licking at your balls while you sit on the edge of the bed reaching your hand down gripping his hair tightly while me massages your thighs with his claws poking out of him like some feral dog breathing in your scent nuzzling his face into your groin making you feel his shaggy beard.
“Lo, I’m getting there- oh fck~!” Your back arches instinctively leaving your pecs pressed upwards to the trailing having rapidly as a sweat line builds up on the arch of your back. “That’s it, just let go for me I’ve got you baby”
his hands gentle up on your thighs feeling your cock start to twitch on his tongue like it was doing laps desperate to explode feeling and rating your bitter ropes shooting him in the throat while he just reaches his work worn hand down to your balls cupping them making sure he milks you good when he looks up at you.
The sensation overwhelming you losing torn grip on his head feeling your cock fall flat when his mouth leaves you bare again, “shh, you did so great angel, so fucki’n perfect it’s pitiful” Logan grumbles and gets up off his knees gripping you up softly by his standards holding York hips letting his claws leave red marks as he slides you up further on the bed with his signature smirk showing off his pretty canines.
“Need you right now Lo….i need you so bad” a broken whisper floods your mouth looking up with a pout presented on your lips when his hand reached around his neck pulling off his war tags, undoing them and reaching down putting them over your head “here, I wanna see you clutching those while I stretch that cunt out” he murmurs right in your ear and leaves you no time to think.
His hands spreading or cheeks apart spitting right in your rim watching it wink at him “you’re all wet like a sopping pussy aint’cha angel” his thumb rubbing your rim pushing it in open making you squirm but his other hand holds your hips down into the bed leaving you a mess with your cock getting hard again and weeping lonesomely between your thighs “add another” you spoke unsatisfied ranting meow already after the sensation of something inside you felt good
“Of course doll, wanna please this greedy hole” his thumb gets replaced with his index finger going in knuckle deep and curling up before he adds a second finger and scissors you with his eyes sole set on your face. “Is this better than Scot? You let all guys get their fingers inside this lil cunt?” His breath halts crossing the line of pure and utter infatuation feeling his cum flavored breath against your rim kissing it as he fingers you.
“Course not Lo! Only let you stretch and touch this..only you” your back arching holding the bed sheets feeling his fingers curling deep enough to leave you breathless when his finger pads rub that bundle of nerves, “I think you’re ready for the real thing, think you’re ready sweetheart?” His voice softens up a little seeing that fragile line of weakness you were tight lining when you laid out and splayed out for him like some pretty doll— no, His pretty doll.
“Yeah, I’m all ready I’m ready Logan” your words slur out drunk off of arousal with a pearly bead of precum rolling down your shaft looking up at Logan biding back your own tears not wanting to wake anyone else in the X-mansion when his fingers slide out of your puckered rim and his other hand slips to your hip grabbing them and pulling you backwards to him.
“It’s gonna hurt for a bit, promise I’ll go as slow as you want it baby boy..” his hands grip his belt buckle and unbuckles it pulling down his pants and throwing them somewhere in his room leaving you batting your lashes at the large bulge in his jeans protruding begging to come out as you try to calm down clutching the name tags around your neck.
“Fuck Lo- c’mon please” your voice whispering his name out like it’s your only prayer trying to get his boxers down with his thighs before he pulls them down leaving his cock standing eager and tall against his stomach with a prominent vein going up the curved side nearly having your mouth water when he spreads your thighs apart opening you up and holding your legs to the mattress letting his cock nudge and nuzzle between your cheeks while he looks down at you clutching his Wolverine tags.
“Just stay nice and quiet, don’t want Jean to hear you moaning…not yet alt least” he hums starting to nudge his tip inside past the gummy rim of muscles watching how it stretches, how the light in your eyes go glossy, how your pupils go wide like a cat when he stretches you—he’s already about to come just from that stupid little look on your face, oh the things you do to him.
His head droops down like a hound shoving his face in your crook holding you down to the mattress with your thighs gripped and wide apart slowly bottoming out into you “dammit doll, it’s like she’s purrin, does this little cunt like getting stretched?”
He groans biting your Adam apple pinching the skin between his canines stripping you of little gasps while he stays mounted on you leaving your cock sandwiched between his hair covered abdomen while the head board creaks when he pulls out a little and shallowly slams back inside you making your hole go wide burning from the sensation leaving your hands shaking clutching onto his tags hanging on your neck like they were prayer beads.
“Right there Lo, c’mon little more oh!” Your jaw slacking up under him going wide eyed when his cock drags along your inner walls pulling nearly all the way out to his tip and shoving back inside leaving you out of breath. “Shh, stay quiet baby doll, doin so good so far- don’t wanna have Scott seeing you like this”
his voice comes out like a choked growl letting his claws come out a little again shredding his own bed sheets while he buried his face further into your neck nibbling and sucking on the bite marks taking in deep whiffs of your scent making you swear his cock was pulsing every time he took a breath in,
“Smells so good baby, such a sweet doll” his hips start circling around and shoving forwards between your thighs letting his spit make for lube with your cock stuck against your belly button covered in Logan’s saliva while you reach your free hand to the back of his hair letting his beard leave red marks on your s/c skin.
“Lo-gan t’much, can’t take it Lo” your voice strangely from your lips letting your eyes gloss over and roll back when his cock head presses bullying your prostate making your rim feel like fire around his cock when he stretches you over and over bordering a painful pleasure. “Don’t say that angel, my pretty boy can take it all can’t he?” His voice speaks pressing sloppy wet kisses against your neck watching your face and how your fingers trembled to clutch his tags.
“I’m tryin Lo, I really am~!” You squeak your feeling your thighs go numb from being gripped tight and shoved to the bed not feeling his thrusts let up once. Logan’s hips start to stutter a little leaving you feeling his cock piercing you and keeping you spread as he slips his hands further up your legs moving from your inner thighs moving under your knees and shoving them to your chest allowing him to reach a deeper angle inside you.
“I know you’re tryin, doing so fucking well, just lay there and spread wide f’or me darlin” he grunts letting you feel how rigid his breath is dampening his beard with his drool licking up your neck mounting you hard leaving you beneath him feeling his body weight with a small huff removing one hand off your legs keeping his left hand under your knees holding them to your chest before he reaches around and gives your cock a firm grasp at the base making you arch.
“Oh~ I’m close Lo- I’m— gon’Ah” your voice cracks in half breaking into shards when your glossy eyes finally spill over with tears of pleasure leaving your ears ringing clamping and twitching around his cock feeling your base shudder under the rough hand cumming all over your own thighs and chest laying fucked out “look at’cha squirting all over yourself angel”
he heaves making your feel every buck and jerk of his hips with his mouth slipping upwards biting at your bottom lobe fucking you into the headboard.“Where do you want it sweetheart? Want it in your tummy or that pretty little mouth of yours hm?..or maybe all over them pouty lips” Logan whispers in your ear leaving his hot breath cooling the drool on your neck making it harder to speak just letting go of his hair trying to point at your belly trying to urge him inside.
“Nuh-uh baby doll, good boys use their words don’t they” he mocks you a little letting go of your softening cock to grip your hip with one hand and holding your right knee up to your chest letting your other leg hoop around his hip and bring him closer. “I wan’it inside me Lo- please inside”
you plead over and over going breathless when you finally feel the pudgy cock head pulling against your prostate letting you know what came next, white streams spewing all through your body making your feel like a little furnace under him while his grip loosens and his muscles tense up holding you steady looking up at you kissing away the tears on your cheeks growing more and more insane over you, enjoying how your skin held its afterglow and how your curves felt beneath him.
“There, there baby, don’t cry, lemme hold you…not letting you go [name] I’m never gonna” your heart skipped at those words never understanding he really meant them, only thinking he was trying to be all sweet to you when his hands leave your body letting his claws pull out of the mattress they were buried in as he crawls from between your thighs pulling out nice and slow with a slick pop.
“Logan” you wanted to tell him you needed more and you really would’ve if the feeling of his chin on your shoulder blade and the arm snaking around your waist from behind didn’t shut you up. “I know sweetheart” the only words that left his lips as he pressed a kiss to Your sensitive skin leaving the air field with a mutual understanding lingering in the air while he holds a you like he’s about to have you ripped away, his embrace tight and firm but holding a world of comfort to your used up body.
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venus-haze · 5 months ago
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Stakeout (Billy Butcher x Reader)
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Summary: Ever since you started working with Butcher and The Boys again, life has been exciting, invigorating—and stressful. During a stakeout, Butcher mixes the personal with the professional to help you relieve some of the tension you’ve been carrying around.
Note: Female reader, but no other descriptors are used. Takes place vaguely in season 1. Do not interact if you're under 18, terf or radfem, or post thinspo/ED content.
Word count: 1.2k
Warnings: Sexually explicit content involving semi-public fingering, light degradation, and voyeurism (Butcher is insane. So is Homelander.)
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You hadn’t been on a stakeout in years when Butcher asked—demanded, really—that you come along with him to keep an eye on Vought Tower overnight. Something about letting Hughie get some sleep while you two tried to keep tabs on A-Train’s comings and goings. It was easy enough to see through his bullshit, but rather than call him on it, boredom from your day job and curiosity of what he had up his sleeve made you agree.
Butcher at least had the decency to pick up some snacks from a bodega near your apartment, mostly beef jerky and bags of chips. Kept the radio low on some classic rock station, the two of you sitting in near silence across the street from the tower for the better part of an hour. His car hadn’t changed much from the last time you were in it. Except for the new pine tree air freshener—though new was a stretch. It’d long since lost its scent, but the blue wasn’t as sun-bleached as the old one. Funny, the things you remember.
“This feels like a waste of time. Even if we were here to spy on A-Train, which you and I both know we’re not, there’s no way we’d be able to actually see him leave and come back,” you finally said. “And Homelander wouldn’t leave out of Vought’s front door unless he was doing some publicity to appeal to us plebeians.”
“You got a point.”
“So what’re we doing here?” 
“Y’think the cunt can see us?” he asked.
“Who? Homelander?”
“Yeah.”
“Isn’t the point of a stakeout that we’re not supposed to be seen?”
“S’why I’m asking, love.”
You sighed. “Unless he’s somewhere we can’t see him, then I guess not.”
“Perfect.”
He put his hand on your knee, his fingers inching their way up your pencil skirt. You didn’t have time to change out of your office clothes when Butcher picked you up at your apartment. Even though you were back with his crew, you hadn’t quit your day job just yet, working for some stupid startup that somehow landed a contract with Vought. Gave you some insight into what they were up to, at least made your presence in the tower the least suspicious of anyone else, able to say you were there for business.
You shifted in the passenger seat a bit. “Butcher, what’re you—“
“Tryin’ to help you relax,” he said, his fingers brushing your clit through your panties. “You’ve been tense as hell lately.”
You chewed on your bottom lip. He was right. Linking up with Butcher again after so many years gave you a renewed sense of purpose, but with that came the stress, the late nights, the close calls. In the comfort of his car, just the two of you where no one else could see, maybe you could let him take control for a while.
“How tense, Butcher?” you asked, leaning back in the seat. “Tell me.”
“Workin’ yourself too hard for a bunch of sorry pricks,” he said, his voice low and husky as he tugged at your panties. You lifted your hips so he could pull them to your knees. “Can’t have that when I need you now, yeah?”
You nodded breathlessly as he slid two fingers inside you, pumping them in and out slowly, his thumb rubbing circles on your clit. His gaze, dark and intense, always had a way of making you feel acutely aware of his attention on you, even when you weren't looking at him. Sometimes unnerving, but in cases like this, utterly exposed despite being fully clothed.
“Been a long time, huh? You miss this? You miss when I'd take care of your cunt?”
“Yes,” you moaned. “God, Butcher, keep going.”
“Thought of callin’ you a few times the past few years. You were always a good fuck,” he husked, his lips, his rough beard brushing across your neck and jaw. “Look at you now, people walking by, and you don’t give a damn who can see you, long as you get off, huh?”
“Butcher—“
“Bet if I’d taken my cock out instead, you’d have sucked me off. Take it all like the cockslut I know you are. You fuck anyone else the past few years? They know how to treat you? Know how to make you feel good?”
“Yes—No—I don’t know.”
“Fuckin’ hell, you’re pretty when you’re close. How close are you, love?”
“Fuck—I’m close. I’m so fucking close. Don’t stop. Please don’t stop,” you babbled, choking out a moan when he slipped a third finger inside you. “Keep going, just like that.”
He was pushing you, knew your limits better than anyone, and as much as you hated to admit it, you needed it. Hadn’t realized until then how long it’d been since you’d really been fucked until he curled his fingers inside you, and your brain felt like someone poured soda over it, your skin burning for more.
You didn’t care who saw, all you cared about was getting there, and you were so fucking close it made you screw your eyes shut and cry out in frustration. Jesus, no wonder you were willing to jump back in when Butcher showed up on your doorstep. Everyday was bland, the same old bullshit. There was plenty of bullshit when it came to Butcher and whatever harebrained schemes he came up with, but it was a hell of a lot more fun than typing up reports and sitting through meetings.
“C’mon, love. Put on a show. Let me hear ya.”
You opened your eyes, only to catch Butcher staring out the windshield. Following his gaze, you let out a panicked whine upon seeing a red glow honed in on you, long enough to be sure he was watching. You came on Butcher’s fingers with a perverse moan, pleasure coursing through you as you dug your fingers into the console. You threw your head back, your hips jerking upward as you rode out your orgasm on his hand. 
Butcher was relentless when he wanted to be, and you weakly tapped out, squeezing his muscular arm, whining a bit nevertheless when he pulled his hand away. Sparing another glance at the windshield, the red glow was gone. Homelander was gone.
You told yourself it was the surge of fear-fueled adrenaline that brought you over the edge, not exhilaration at being seen, being caught in such a vulnerable state by the most powerful supe in the world. Definitely not. But you kind of hated yourself for not feeling more humiliated, instead, as you obsessively replayed the scene in your head as Butcher drove down the street, you were thrilled by it. 
Still, he should’ve fucking warned you, given you some kind of heads up. You held your tongue until you were sure the sound of traffic would hide your voice from any superpowered hearing.
“You fucking prick!” you hissed, smacking his shoulder. “You banked on Homelander being enough of a pervert to watch us?”
“Killed two birds with one stone. You feel better now, yeah?”
“Yeah,” you reluctantly conceded.
“Attagirl.” He grinned. “I think I know where the cunt’s going.”
You balked. “I can’t look him in the eye after this.”
“You kind of already did.”
“Fuck you, Butcher.”
He glanced at you again, squeezing your thigh. “I’ll make it up to you later, love. Don’t you worry.”
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alwaysmicado · 25 days ago
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in my arms
2.1k | fwb!Joel Miller x f!reader | one-shot
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Warnings: fluff, Joel’s POV (first person) Summary: As Joel watches you sleep beside him for the first time, he realizes just how deeply he’s come to crave something more than just fleeting moments together. A/N: This one-shot has been sitting in my drafts for ages, and I could really use a bit of heartwarming fluff right now—so I figured it’s the perfect time to share. I really hope it’ll bring you some comfort, too. Can be read alone or within the fwb!Joel AU. Enjoy and let me know your thoughts! I love hearing from you! ♡
It’s been a while since anyone’s slept in my bed with me.
Hell, it’s been a long time since I let anyone close enough to even get that far. But you—well, you have a way of making everything feel different, even when you don’t know it. Even when you don’t mean to.
And tonight, after weeks of the same routine, of having you in my arms just for the space of a couple of hours and then watching you slip away again, you are still here.
Fast asleep in my bed.
I shift in the darkness, the mattress dipping just slightly beneath me as I turn onto my side to face you fully. The only light in the room comes from the full moon shining outside, its glow filtering through the slats of the blinds, casting faint lines of silver and shadow across your bare skin. 
You’re lying on your belly, one arm tucked under the one pillow in my bed—yeah, yeah, I know—while the other rests loosely against the sheets. Your breathing is slow and steady, your chest rising and falling in a rhythm that is starting to soothe something deep inside me I didn’t even realize was tense.
I can’t sleep.
Not because I’m not tired—God knows I am—but because the idea of closing my eyes and missing even a second of this, of you being here, feels like something I can’t bear.
It’s strange. I’m not used to feeling this way.
Most of the time, when we’ve been together, I’ll lie awake for a bit after you’ve left, letting the quiet of the house settle over me like a blanket, pretending I don’t mind the loneliness creeping back in. Pretending I don’t mind that you leave.
But tonight is different. Tonight, you stayed.
I didn’t expect it, honestly. After the way the night had gone, with you laughing and dancing and a few too many Tequila shots, I figured you’d brush me off like you always would when we were done—give me that soft smile, kiss me one last time, and then slip out into the night before I could say anything to stop you.
But when I asked if you were alright, if you wanted me to call you a cab, you surprised me. You said no.
“I think I, uh, might have had just a liiiittle too much to drink,” you mumbled, half-laughing as you tried to sit up, only to sway slightly and grab onto my arm for balance. “Maybe I should just…stay here. If that’s okay.”
Of course, it was okay. It was more than okay.
But the way you said it, so casual, like it wasn’t a big deal, like it didn’t send a rush of something sharp and warm straight to my chest, made me realize how much I’d been hoping for this. Hoping for you to stay, to let me have this one night, where it wasn’t just about the—albeit fantastic—sex we had. Where it was about something more, even if we never put a name to it.
So, here we are.
You didn’t say much after we settled in. Just curled up beneath the sheets, close enough that I can now feel the warmth of your body beside me, but not so close that it feels like you’re giving me more than you’re ready to. And that’s fine. I’ll take whatever you are willing to give.
The truth is, I’ve been wanting this for a while now. Maybe even since the first time I took you home, if I’m being honest with myself. There’s just something about you that has gotten under my skin from that very first time our eyes met, and no matter how much I try to keep things simple, I can’t help the way I feel. The way you make me feel.
You’re smart, funny, insanely gorgeous, and stubborn as hell sometimes—but you have this vulnerability about you, too. Like you’re always holding back, keeping a part of yourself just out of reach, and for some reason, I want to be the one to reach it.
Tonight, though…tonight, I have you right here. No walls, no goodbye, no running off into the night. Just you, asleep beside me, looking so damn peaceful it makes my chest ache.
I shift a little closer, gently, just enough so that I can see your face better in the low light. I have the sudden urge to trace the contours of your face with my fingers, to put a soft kiss on your lips.
My hand twitches at my side, but I don’t move. Don’t want to risk waking you, even though part of me wants you to wake up, to look at me with those tired eyes and give me that sleepy smile that always makes me feel like maybe, just maybe, I’m more than a temporary distraction to you.
I believe you when you say you like spending time with me. You make me feel it, too. When we’re together, you’re really here with me. But it’s just that, after every time, it ends. You always leave.
And I’m left wondering when, or if, you’ll come back to me.
I watch you for a long time. Longer than I should, probably. But I can’t help it. There’s something about the way you look when you’re asleep—so soft, so unguarded—that makes me feel like I’m seeing a part of you you don’t let anyone else see. Not even me.
I wonder what you’re dreaming about. If you’re thinking about anything at all, or if your mind is finally at peace, even for just a little while. I hope it’s the latter. You’ve had a stressful week you told me, and I hope you’re dreaming of something nice, something that makes you feel safe.
And I want to be that for you. I want to be the one who makes you feel safe. But I know better than to push my luck. You aren’t ready, and I’m not going to ask for more than you can or want to give.
Still, lying here beside you, feeling the warmth of your body so close to mine, I can’t help but imagine what it would be like if things were different. If this wasn’t just a one-time thing, but something we did every night. If you stayed, not because you were too drunk to leave, but because you wanted to.
Because you couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.
I can picture it so easily—waking up with you next to me, your sleepy voice mumbling something incoherent as you stretch and blink the sleep from your eyes.
I’d make you coffee, just the way you like it in the morning, and we’d sit at the kitchen table, talking about nothing and everything all at once. Maybe we’d bicker about something stupid, like which show to watch or who gets to choose the music while we cook dinner. And then, at the end of the day, we’d come back to this—this quiet, this closeness—and I’d fall asleep knowing you are right here in my arms.
But that’s not how things are.
I know that. I’m not delusional. I know that whatever this is between us, it isn’t something you’re ready to define. And maybe that’s fine. Maybe I can be okay with that, at least for now.
But damn, it’s hard not to want more.
Not because I want to hold you back or limit the way you explore the world and discover yourself—that’s the last thing I’d ever want for you. You’re young and bright, and the world’s wide open for you. It’s because of you—the way you make me feel when you’re with me. The way your smile lights up my world, the way you make everything feel like it matters. 
The way you make me believe I could be the man you deserve.
You shift in your sleep, your body turning slightly toward me, and I freeze for a second, thinking you’re waking up. But you don’t. You just let out a soft sigh, your hand twitching as it curls into the pillow, and then you settle again, your breathing evening out once more.
I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
God, I’ve got it bad.
I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt like this. The last time I’ve cared this much about someone, about something that wasn’t already a part of my life. I was used to keeping things simple, keeping my world small. It was easier that way. Less messy, less tiring. But you…you snuck in somehow, made a place for yourself without me even realizing it, and now that you are here, I don’t want to let you go.
I won’t tell you that, though. I’m not stupid. I know you aren’t ready to hear it, and the last thing I want to do is overstep and scare you off. I can wait. I can be patient.
But that doesn’t stop me from feeling it.
My eyes trace the curve of your cheek, the gentle slope of your lips, and my fingers itch to touch you. I know I shouldn’t. I know this is already more than you’ve given me before.
But It’s hard. It’s hard not to reach out and hold onto this moment, to hold onto you.
I let out a slow breath, trying to steady myself and my heartbeat, but my thoughts keep circling back to the same thing: What if this is the only time?
I reach out, finally letting my fingers brush lightly against your temple, tracing your soft skin, your cheek, your shoulder. You don’t stir, don’t even flinch, and for some reason, that makes my chest tighten even more. You trust me, even in your sleep. Trust me enough to let me be here with you, to see you like this, vulnerable and real.
And that…that means more to me than I could ever put into words.
I move closer, just enough so that our bodies are barely touching, and I let myself close my eyes for a moment, even though I know I won’t sleep. Not tonight. Not with you here, like this.
Instead, I just let myself feel it. The warmth of your skin, the soft rise and fall of your breathing, the steady beat of your heart just a few inches away from mine. It’s a quiet kind of intimacy, one I haven’t realized I’ve been missing for a long time.
Maybe tomorrow you’ll wake up and slip away again, back to the way things always are between us. Maybe you’ll put up your walls, tell yourself this didn’t mean anything more than any other night. And maybe I’ll let you, because I’m not ready to push for more, not yet.
For now, you’re here. You’re here. And that’s enough.
For now, that’s enough.
I open my eyes again, letting them drift back to your face. You’re still so peaceful, so soft in the moonlight, and I feel something swell in my chest that I haven’t felt in years. Something big, something real.
I lean in, just a little, pressing the softest kiss to your warm forehead, barely more than a whisper of touch. You don’t wake, don’t even stir, but the simple act makes something settle deep inside me. Like this is right. Like this is how it’s supposed to be.
I could stay like this all night, just watching you, soaking in the quiet comfort of you beside me. And maybe I would, if I didn’t feel the pull of sleep finally creeping up on me. My eyelids grow heavier with each passing second, and even though I try to fight it, I know I can’t stay awake forever.
You keep me on my toes, but I’m not thirty anymore. 
So, with one last look at you, one last moment of quietly letting myself feel everything I haven’t been ready to admit, I let my eyes close. My hand rests lightly against your waist, and I finally let sleep take me.
For the first time in a long time, I fall asleep feeling like I’m not alone. Like I don’t have to be. Like maybe, just maybe, this is the start of something more.
And that thought—you—is the last thing on my mind before I drift off.
– – –
Series Masterlist ♡ Joel Masterlist ♡ AO3
taglist: @cosmic006533-blog @ashleyfilm @theoraekenslover @moel-jiller
@dugiioh @eviestevie-14 @ghostofzion @joeldjarin @jupiter-soups
@koshkaj-blog @missladym @paleidiot @pattwtf @theoraekenslover
@pedritoferg @runningmom94 @serenadingtigers @sofiparallel @staywildflowahchild
@the-orange-tabby-cat @tuquoquebrute @witchofthedeepwoods @yassspose @rarachelchel
@am-3-thyst @joelinawrites @purpleprincess75
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borathae · 8 months ago
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↳ Full Art
"You run in on Yoongi touching himself in the shower and he begs you to punish him because of it. Hard."
Pairing: Yoongi x n.Reader
Genre: established relationship!AU, Smut
Warnings: sub!Yoongi, masochist!Yoongi, rough Dom!Reader, he is naked and wet, CBT, cock slapping, safe ball busting with a knee, leaky cocks, dirty talk, degradation, he wants to be called dirty/bad slut, hair pulling, subby boy tears, drool, praise, handjob, overstimulation, multiple orgasms (m.receiving), Yoongi has a kink for being manhandled, male masturbation in shower, nipple sucking, cuddly aftercare, he's just a cute lil masochist who wants his balls busted and get hugs after <3
Wordcount: 2.5k
a/n: okay so, I'm trying trying the new format. istfg besties, Patreon is so stressful I might actually cry. idk how to do it so I'll like it 😭 okay so, my idea is that i'll post the story and a very cropped art preview (as seen on the header) here on Tumblr and if anyone wants to check out the full art to the story, they have to go to my Patreon. Engagement as far as stories is concerened is very bad on Patreon *glares* and I really miss yelling about the stories with you guys. So for my own peace of mind, i'll keep the stories on Tumblr and give all my true connoisseurs something extra spicy to thirst over on Patreon hehe <3 thank you for being patient with me. I promise to keep drawing and improving and to feed y'all thirsty hoes (affectionately) as much as I can 💜 also lmao those are long a/n fjajsdf have fun besties sorry it took a lil longer today, i tried to figure out how i wanna do sexy art of the month from now on fajdjfs
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The bathroom is fogged up and smells heavily like Yoongi’s soap. Masculine, clean and expensive. You find yourself hazy because of it. What truly seals the state of you, however, is the view. Mirrors misted up, air milky from steam and right there in his expensive walk-in shower, Yoongi is having his throbbing cock in his tight fist. The water is turned off right now, but his body is still wet. His dark hair is slicked back, his silky skin is glistening and his head is tilted back in bliss as soft sighs slip past his pouty lips. 
You walked in on him touching himself. You really didn’t plan on doing so, but can’t seem to get yourself to leave. Or to stop staring for that matter.
He has a languid rhythm going. Slow, but clearly skilled. His long fingers are wrapped tightly around his veiny cock. His thumb is drawing circles on his flushed tip and pretty frenulum. He is sensitive there, likes it especially when someone is being gentle with it. His dark nipples are hard and the pale skin around them is flushed as if he had played with them moments before. Knowing Yoongi, he did. He is such a slut for nipple play. He is so fucking tender there. 
“Fuck”, Yoongi presses out breathily, gliding his left hand up his own torso as he fucks his cock slowly. 
He is tensing and relaxing his stomach, broadening his stance as his knees wobble. He furrows his brows, biting down on his lower lip as small mewls leave him repeatedly. His long fingers close around his own biceps, giving it a needy squeeze. Look at the marks he leaves, look at how he is tensing his muscles.
You find yourself gulping and taking heavy breaths at the view.
What made him so goddamn needy? 
One thing Yoongi rarely does, is to jerk off. He sees it as something useless because if he gets horny, he has you to take the burden off his shoulders. He also rarely gets horny without you in the first place, so there is that. So to have him so incredibly lost in masturbation is rare and therefore insanely addicting.
What made him so needy? Was it a memory? A fantasy? A picture or video? Was it nothing of that sorts and he merely touched his cock wrong as he cleaned himself? Did the water hit the right spot and trap him in the delicious sensation of its wet massage? 
What did it to him?
“___”, Yoongi moans loudly, leaking onto the floor.
Your stomach clenches. Holy fuck. You did it to him. You did. The thought of you, the memory of your touch and the image of you did it to him. You let out a small gasp at the realisation.
Yoongi startles at the sound and opens his eyes. He stops, tenses up. You freeze, holding your breath. The air between you and him is tense and electric. He blinks at you, mouthing your name quietly.
“I uhm”, you begin, clearing your throat loudly.
He drops his hand from his biceps, tightening his fingers around his cock. He can’t seem to leave his trance of shock. The only indicator that the view of you is turning him on, is his increasing breathing and how needily his long fingers still hold his cock.
“I uhm, sorry. I wasn’t staring, I mean, I was but I- sorry, I uhm, I’m gonna leave now”, you stutter and turn to leave.
“Help me.” 
You halt, wobbling slightly because he is making your knees buckle. You turn around, dancing your eyes over his body.
“Sorry?” 
“Help me. Please”, he begs and tugs at his cock weakly, biting down on his lower lip as he does. Look at the needy kitten eyes he is making at you. 
“Really?” you get out, feeling dizzy at the view. You want to ruin this man. You really do.
He nods his head, lowering his eyes at you. He is taunting you as much as he is begging you.
You do not bother to take off your clothes, he only has to nod his head twice and then you are already in the shower, eating him up with just your eyes. 
Yoongi cups your face and kisses you. He mewls needily as he does it, sucking on your lips and tongue more than he actually kisses you. It is so lazy, so slow and yet so intensely passionate. He is so lost in you, so entirely addicted to your taste that he is solely running on it. Whatever he fantasised about before really did it to him. You feel up his torso hungrily, moaning at the delicious taste of him.
He is shivering with each touch, chasing the feeling of you with wiggles of his hips which force his cock to grind against your clothed stomach. The fabric of your hoodie feels rough against his sensitive tip. He craves the silkiness of your skin like plants crave sunlight.
He breaks the kiss with a sigh of your name, resting his forehead against yours. 
“I was bad”, he breathes.
“You were?” you are kneading his waist, staring at his flushed face with hazy eyes.
“Yeah. Thought of you ‘til I got needy”, he rasps and mewls quietly, mouthing at the tip of your nose, “touched myself to you.”
“Fuck, Yoongi.”
“Punish me.” 
“Punish you?” 
“Please.”
You step back and pick up his cock so you could slap his tip. Gently for now, to test the waters. 
Yoongi moans loudly, squeezing your cheeks softly. His knees buckle slightly.
“Like this, mhm?” you ask, slapping him again. Soft. Careful. Get him used to it. Or needy for more. You are fine with both options as long as it ends in your boyfriend panting and needy.
He scrunches his face in pleasure, letting out a shaky “mh-hm” before he follows it up with a breathy, “don’t stop please.” 
“Fuck Yoongi, you’re driving me insane. You’re so hot.”
“I’m a bad slut”, he croaks.
“Yeah, the fucking worst. Bad slut, such a bad slut”, you growl, giving him harsh spanks. Now that you know he wants it, you are so happy to give it to him.
He takes each of your spanks with a blissed moan and a twitch of his cock. His pink tip got so much pinker ever since you started playing with him. His chest is flushed as well, looking so untouched.
You take his heavy cock between your fingers and pick up his favourite rhythm. Then you step closer to litter his chest with kisses. Wet and sloppy. You need to mark his skin as yours and taste him in the process.
Yoongi arches his back, dropping his head against the glass behind him. Your name slips past his lips, his hands grab your waist and squeeze. 
“You’re a bad slut, Yoongi love, but you’re such a pretty slut at that”, you rasp and take his left nipple between your teeth. You tug on it, making him moan. You suck on it, making him mewl. You lick it, making him sigh your name.
He is tender there. Just as you said.
And as you give him heaven with just your mouth, your hands are busy feeling him up. Your right hand fucks his cock like it deserves to be fucked, while your left hand feels up his waist and hips. He fits so perfectly between your fingers. It is like he is made to be touched by you and only you. His skin is so soft and warm, leaving behind wetness on your fingertips from the previous shower. His cock is twitching so cutely in your hold.
You lift your lips from his right nipple after worshiping it as well, tilting your head so you are looking at his pretty face. You cup his pink cheek.
“Look at me.”
Yoongi obeys, fluttering his lashes at you. He is breathing so heavily, gazing at you as if you were his fucking everything.
“You’re a pretty slut. You know that, don’t you?”
He nods his head, choking out a shy “yeah.”
“You do. Good. Don’t forget it, kitten”, you order and slow your hand around his tip. It sits between your fingers. You increase the pressure slightly and move your hand again. Just a little, just enough that he’s getting fucked so good.
Yoongi gasps, widening his eyes for just a second before rolling them back.
“No, no look at me.”
Yoongi obeys with a mewl of your name.
“That’s better. I wanna look at your pretty eyes.”
“I have to cum”, he moans.
“Cause you’re looking at me?”
He nods his head, leaking all over your palm, “can’t hold it…like…this.”
“God, you lovedrunk slut, you”, you tease, giving his favourite spot a good rub.
“Please”, he begs, “please, can I cum?”
“Mhhm, don’t know. Do you deserve it?”
“Please I, mghm, I’ll give you head later”, he bargains with the prettiest kitten eyes.
“Obviously, you’re gonna do that anyways. Do better, Yoongi slut”, you warn, slowing down dangerously.
“Please”, he begs louder and thrusts his hips into your fist. 
It earns him a harsh spank, “behave.”
“Fuck please. I-I’ll cockwarm you, promise I, I won’t move. Please.” 
“But Yoongi, where is the fun in that? I’ll do that anyways. You know that bad, dirty jerk off sluts get cockwarmed”, you coo as your skilled fingers torture his flushed tip. He is burning up, smearing his precum all over your digits. 
“I have to cum so bad”, he croaks and spills tears, “please can I cum? I’ll be so good please.” 
“Fine. You can cum”, you say calmly even if your hand is giving his cock such a good fuck. He didn’t convince you, you just simply have a better way to ruin him how he so clearly craves.
“___”, he moans and closes his eyes sensually. Moments later, his swollen cock releases all over your hand. His knees buckle, he finds support by grabbing your shoulders and arching his back. His moan is loud and drawn-out.
“Look at you”, you moan with him, speeding up your hand now that he is giving you such a good show, “good slut, cum for me. That’s my good slut.”
Yoongi is shaking and trembling in bliss, but soon begins shaking and trembling for other reasons. You aren’t slowing down. His balls are empty, his cock so overstimulated, but you aren’t slowing down. You jerk off his cock as if it has a debt to pay, giving him burning heaven in the process. 
He finally realises what he signed up for and that your sweet words were nothing but deception. He didn’t convince you. You aren’t done with him. One wasn’t enough. 
“Please, please, pl-please”, he begs, trying to flee you as much as chases you. 
“One more, kitten. Give me one more.” 
“I can’t. Oh god, I can’t”, he mewls and stumbles as he tries to flee.
You grab him and pin him against the glass harshly, knocking a weak gasp out of him. His knees buckle, his teary eyes gaze at you with all the devotion he can muster. He loves when you’re rough with him, when you show him that he is yours to manhandle.
“Give me more”, you growl, speeding up around his cock.
“No please”, Yoongi mewls and tries to wiggle away just so you can put him back in his place. He parts his legs, hoping that you take the silent hint.
You do. Of course you do. You lift your knee against his balls hard enough that it hurts. Yoongi folds into himself with a pained moan, grabbing your waist. He is already so fucking hard again, throbbing in your hand as if he never released before. 
“Stop fleeing me”, you growl and knee him again, twisting your hand around his burning tip at the same time. 
Yoongi sobs, burying his face in your shoulder. It hurts so much. He has never been so fucking high on pleasure before. It feels so good. Yoongi swears every second is the best second he ever experienced.
“Understood? You do not flee me”, you give his tender balls one last harsh nudge with your knee, then grab his hair to pull his head back. 
He coughs out a sob, spilling tears and drool all down his pretty face. He can barely even keep his eyes open, let alone stop them from crossing. 
He is so pretty. 
“What’s with that pretty face?” you challenge, pumping his overstimulated cock quickly as you grind your knee against his balls at the same time. 
“Yours”, he croaks.
“That’s right. Mine. My pretty slut.”
“You’re making me cum.” 
“See? I knew you could give me more. Don’t hold back, slut.”
“Knee. Please.” 
You knee him a fourth time. Yoongi wails up, folding into himself in both pain and pleasure before spilling all over your hoodie and his stomach. So his balls weren’t empty yet. Of course they weren’t. You are proving to him how much of a slut he actually is.
He melts into you, shaking on your knee as your name leaves him like his prayer of bliss.
“Good slut, give me everything. Such a good slut. That’s so much better, I knew one wasn’t enough. Your pretty balls are never empty after only one. That’s it. Good slut”, you talk him through it, holding him safely as your hand milks him dry.
Soon Yoongi slacks into you, grabbing your wrist to stop your movements.
“No more.”
You don’t listen just to tease him, giving his burning tip a tight massage. He trembles and writhes, squeezing your wrist.
“Stop.”
You are going to stop, but first you need to tease him just a little more. A few more squeezes and rubs, a little pump and tug.
“Please”, he begs breathily, wiggling his hips away from you.
“You’re so cute”, you coo and finally drop his ruined cock.
“Thank you”, he sighs and sinks into you, hugging you tightly as he recovers.
You hug him back, tracing his spine.
“How was that, mhm?” you ask him, speaking in a soft voice.
He nods his head slowly, humming. 
“Yeah? Was it good for you?” 
“Was perfect”, he lulls and purrs contently, “thank you. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Oh god, I need to lie down now”, he says and chuckles, “my balls are so fucking tender.”
“I can imagine. I kicked them really hard. Are you okay? Should I get something for the pain?”
He shakes his head, “you did it so right. Thank you so much.”
You smile, “that’s good to hear. You’re such a good boy.”
Yoongi nuzzles his nose against your neck and purrs softly, melting under your praise. You know exactly how to love him.
“I love you so much”, he mumbles.
“I love you too.”
“I actually wanna lie down though.”
You chuckle, “okay, okay let’s get you cleaned up and cozy. You’re gonna get back scratches in bed”, you say as you lead him to the shower head.
“And ear rubs.”
“And ear rubs. As my prince wishes”, you say and turn on the water to wash away the mess he left. Yes, you will change into different clothes, “how’s the temperature, love?”
“Good. Nice.”
“Yeah? Is it good how I’m touching you?” you ask as you clean his cock and balls with gentle fingers.
He nods his head, “hm.”
“Good. God, Yoongi love, you’re so handsome.” 
Yoongi blushes, lowering his eyes shyly. Yeah, you definitely know how to love him.
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erosia-rhodes · 4 months ago
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It took me 14 months to write my fic, but it only took 2 months to turn it into this:
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That’s right, y’all. I learned the art of bookbinding. This is the dark path fic writing can lead you down. I wanted a copy of my 220K-word monstrosity on my shelf, but paying to have it bound is illegal. (Damn you, intellectual property law!) When I learned I’d have to make it myself, I was like, are you fucking kidding me? No way. That is insane. Then 24 hours later I was like, okay, I guess I’m learning bookbinding? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Then I started to enjoy it! Rejecting a life of crime gave me a new hobby. And it does look nice sitting on the shelf next to the Scholomance series that inspired it.
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It really is gorgeous to me, mostly because I created the whole thing from concept to hardcase. I wrote the story, created the typeset, designed the cover, and bound it—all by myself! I feel a bit like Gwen Higgins creating that healing patch for El: tilling the soil, planting the linen seeds, spinning it into thread, and then weaving it into a patch. (Okay, I didn’t make the paper or the ink or the heat transfer vinyl, but we have to set boundaries somewhere.)
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It was rather exhausting though. I feel like I’ve completed a never-ending quest full of side missions that each required a different set of skills and required me to obtain a wide variety of obscure supplies. I also spent a bunch of money that I don’t really have, which makes this the most expensive book I’ve ever owned BY FAR, which is ridiculous because all the flaws in its construction undoubtedly decrease its value. It cost so much that I feel obligated to bind a whole bunch of more books to bring down the average cost per project. That, or I’ll have to eat all the supplies instead of buying groceries next month.
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I plan on writing a series of posts about how I made this thing, including all my trips to the hardware store, the fraudster on Amazon who sent me weird paper, and my newfound love for craft knives and bone folders. When I do, I’ll post the links down below.
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In the meantime, if anyone has an urge to bind a copy of my fic themselves, here are links to zip files of the signatures and the cover images: Spellbreaker signatures | Spellbreaker cover images
Oh, and here’s a link to the fic on AO3. Spellbreaker: A Scholomance Sequel by Erosia Rhodes. Enjoy!
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justheblueberry · 1 year ago
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handbinding of A Study in Scarlette by kittebasu
There are people who want to live forever, and then there is Shinichi, who just wants to live a little longer than this.
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this bind has been in my head since i first read the fic like, three years ago. i dreamed up so many ideas for it, for so long, and now it's finally done! the typeset was actually done in early 2022, back when i was still using google docs, but it went through a few iterations because i was just. so. fiddly. with every aspect of this book. it needed to be perfect (as close to perfect as i, an amateur bookbinder out of my depth, can get) and it had to be absolutely over the top, to reflect the insane amount of love and care that the author put into the fic itself.
the first time i read this fic, i barely knew what detective conan was, much less all of the intricate plot details; i was just along for the ride, but by the end i was completely invested. i went back and watched through the anime as well as a few movies (it took me six months) and then read the fic again. and then a few more times. kaishin and the world of dcmk has utterly gripped me. it's 100% this fic's fault and i love it so, so, much.
i went through a few iterations of visual designs and i'm really happy with the little details i managed to squeeze in.
the entire color scheme is based around red, because 1) it's a murder mystery, 2) for scarlette shinamoto (and the title of the fic as well as the original holmes novel it references), and 3) the irony of "lady red" actually being red. the secret fourth reason is that i think red/gold is a super sexy color combo.
i sewed the textblock with red thread to reference holmes' "scarlet thread of murder".
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another detail i love is the five yen coin bookmark, it was one of my first ideas and it turned out even better than i thought.
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i wanted the endpapers to evoke a sense of the white marbled floor of the ballroom, with the glow-in-the-dark kaitou kid caricature being the luminol on the floor, and the little pops of red looks like blood that's been mixed in. i lucked out in that the other side of the endpaper was like a lavender-purpley color, i like to think of it as a little wink wink nudge to the color of the actual Lady Red.
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the chapter pages got a few reworkings, but i'm happy with the illustrations i ended up doing for each of them. the chapter titles are one of my favorite things about the fic, each one has so much meaning packed into it and flows so beautifully, and i wanted to put as much care into making them pop as possible.
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the cover was a linocut carving i designed and carved, which i then printed onto the bookcloth, and ironed on htv on top.
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i also threw in a couple of my drawings of my favorite scenes.
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this is getting way too long, so i'll end it here. i'll have a separate post detailing the process every step of the way, if anyone wants to take a closer look. this fic is kind of directly responsible for getting me into fanbinding, so it's safe to say it altered the course of my life. i now spend way too much time (and money) looking at book stuff.
kittebasu, if, somehow, you see this and would like an author copy, i would be honored to make one and ship it to you; i would be overjoyed to gift you with any art i have the ability to make, because the fics you wrote have irreversibly altered my brain chemistry, and being able to give back in any capacity would be a dream. (thank you.)
a few postscripts:
i am not selling any copies of this fic. partially because i believe in the gift economy of fandom as well as firmly keeping fanbinding a hobby that will stay unmonetized, but also because it took me months (years, if we are counting when i first finished the typeset) to finish this and i do not have the strength.
however, if you are also a fan of this fic and would like a copy, i honestly, fervently, encourage you to give fanbinding a try! renegade publishing and its discord server are an absolutely wonderful and free resource. i knew nothing about bookbinding and had zero materials when i first started, but i've learned so much thanks to the lovely people there. if you're still apprehensive about getting started, i'd be willing to share my typeset of this fic as well as answer any questions about the making of this book if you DM me.
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johnwickb1tsch · 2 months ago
Text
🌻Small Town Girl🌻 ~ Part 2
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Tex Johnson thought he was just passing through…until he set his eyes on you. 
Part 2 of a little Tex x Reader fic for my beloved @treedaddymcpuffpuff. ILYSM!😘
Warnings: mentions of past spousal abuse, mentions of animal abuse, religious trauma...you know, the usual social problems of depressed rural america... I can say that because I live here. divider by saradika part 1
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2. 
You’re a heavy sleeper, but this takes the cake.
When you stagger into your kitchen and look out the window Tex’s Chevelle is parked half in your gravel driveway, half in your yard. And tethered to your fence post munching green grass to his heart’s content is a certain miniature equine who you’d tried to acquire with cold hard cash the night before.
Fuck.
You march outside in your threadbare nightgown and your bare feet, finding Tex asleep in the driver’s seat. How the hell did he even get this horse here with that car?
If he put Ziggy in the trunk you are going to murder him.
You pound on the window, and he wakes with a violent start. “Popsicles!”
“What?”
He looks around, before fixing on you, and seems to relax a hair. “Mornin’, darlin’.”
“What. The fuck. Did you do?”
“Uh…funny story…”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“What? Didn’t you want this horse?”
“Yeah, but…” You pull at your hair, feeling a migraine coming on already. “You have no idea what you’ve done.”
You turn in the dew-wet grass to go check on Ziggy. You hear Tex exiting the car behind you. “Don’t be mad, baby.”
“I’m not mad,” you answer sadly, running your fingers through the little horse’s coarse blond mane. “I’m scared.”
Ziggy nibbles at your fingers with his meaty lips, wanting the treats he associates you with. He was going to need a whole lot more than molasses cookies though. You could already tell how your day was going to go.
“Don’t be scared either, darlin’,” Tex says behind you.
“Easy for you to say. You realize this is the first place Dale is gonna come look? And he’ll probably bring Donnie too.”
Nevermind the restraining order you have. It won’t stop him. He’s friends with half the sheriff’s deputies anyway. The Barksdales are damn near untouchable. You learned that the oh so hard way.
“Honey, I’m not going to let them hurt you.” 
For the sake of the horse you keep your temper in check, moderating your voice when all you want to do is yell. “What are you going to do? Watch over me every minute of the day?” He lifts his brows like he likes that idea–you do too, which is batshit insane, because you don’t actually know a goddamn thing about this man.
“Hold on. How did you even know where I live?”
He shrugs. “Not hard to find out, if you know where to look.”
“Well that’s not creepy at all.”
You guess all he’d have to do is ask at the gas station–your family’s been here long enough that it’s basically common knowledge.
You stand there in your faded floral muumuu and your bare feet, toe to toe with this tall dark man and if you had any sense you would be afraid…but you’re not. You’re not because you just don’t think he’ll hurt you. You feel it in your bones and you haven’t had that certainty about any man in so long you can’t remember, and it’s driving you a little wild inside.
“I need my boots,” you sigh, and brush past him to go back to the house.
***
You put Ziggy in the farthest back stall of your barn, where he’ll be out of sight should anyone come looking. With a flake of hay and some grains in his bucket, he seems perfectly content, the sweet sound of him munching filling the old oak building. You lean on a rough sawn post and watch him with a storm in your heart, wondering how long its been since he’d been able to eat his fill.
There will be a price to pay for this little horse’s well being, and you decide whatever it is will be worth it, even if you are afraid. Tex’s presence might deter vengeance for a little while, but he won’t be here forever. You know he won’t, no matter how nice it is to think it, so you’d better be ready.
You were going to have to think on this.
But first, you were going to have to call the ferrier. Luckily you had a friend who wouldn’t rat you out to the Barksdales. Angela was tough as nails and didn’t kowtow to their bullshit. 
It occurs to you that maybe the best thing for Ziggy, and the best thing for you, might be to get this horse far away from here. You wouldn’t put it past Dale or Donnie or one of his other heartless relatives to sneak into your barn in the dead of night and do something awful. There wouldn’t be a whole lot you could do about it either.
You’ve had this horse for about 5 seconds, and the thought of giving him up already breaks your heart.
Tex has been standing silently beside you. You feel his eyes on you, but in what you suspect is a rare occurrence, he’s not running his mouth, giving you space to think. But when you give a heavy sigh he finally breaks. “Come on, darlin’, I thought this would make you happy. It kills me to see you sad.” He opens his arms to you, but you eye them warily. It’s too tempting by far. The way this man is dangerous to you, is that you could get too used to his company too quick.
“You want breakfast?” you deflect.
He nods, those dark eyes taking the measure of you, looking through you, you’re afraid, right into your soul. “Sure.” But he doesn’t move, still just looking at you. 
“What?” you grouse.
Your annoyance only makes him grin.
“Did I mention you’re the cutest little thing in a muumuu and muck boots this side of the Mississippi?”
You roll your eyes, not believing him for a minute. Your hair is still in its bird’s nest of a sleeping braid and you haven’t had your coffee yet. With hands on your hips you look him over too. He’s still wearing the same shirt as last night, and his eyes are a little bloodshot.
“Did you tie one on last night and steal that horse?”
He scrubs at the back of his neck, looking all the while like a guilty schoolboy. “Well…about that…”
This is the thing that finally breaks through your black mood, lifting your sorrow like a blanket. The thought of this man committing grand theft pony–dare you think it, for you–brings a small smile to your lips, and a whole lot of sunshine to your heart.
“Tell me in the house. I’m hungry.” When he doesn’t immediately budge you turn him by the shoulders and give him a shove. Without really thinking about it, you smack his ass for good measure. That tight little behind is round, and firm, and you bite your lip without meaning to, wishing it was something else.
He makes a show of jumping with surprise, smirking at you knowingly over his shoulder. “Watch it, baby girl, or I’mma get myself a handful next,” he warns you with a wicked glint in his eye that makes your insides churn. 
You don’t know what insane notion possesses you, when you stick out your tongue at him– and run. 
You're smarter than this. You know you don't run from a predator. You face them down and smack them on the nose. 
His laughter from right behind you makes an electric thrill zip from your heart to your toes. Dear Lord. No man should be this much fun. 
He really is like a drug, and you don’t know what you were thinking running from him, because you are not fast, and you are clumsy, but somehow it’s him behind you who lets out a surprised yell.
You turn to find Tex with his foot in a hole up to his calf. “Oh my god. Are you ok?”
“I’m fine.” He extricates himself, and you both peer down into a tunnel running under the aisle of your dirt floor barn. You look at the direction, and follow it to an unoccupied stall. Throwing open the door, you find mounds and mounds of freshly disturbed earth.
“Motherfucker. That groundhog is back.”
Tex looks at the impressive damage with eyebrows raised high. “Goddam. You sure it ain’t a bear? Or a rogue bulldozer?”
“Yes. I can’t deal with this now. Come on.” You take his hand, pulling him towards the house, and he happily follows.
You pause at the front door. “Umm…it’s going to be chaos for a minute. Fair warning.” Then you lead him into the fray.
Chichi is a tiny black and tan tornado at your feet, yipping and screaming. You shake a treat can and hand one to Tex. “Give this to him if you want to live.”
Raising an eyebrow, Tex complies, crouching down to the little dog’s level to offer the morsel. Chichi gobbles it and quiets down, switching to sniffing and licking as Tex scratches his side. His hand is almost as big as your dog, and it touches your heart, how sweet he is to the little creature. Satisfied, Chichi runs back to you for a snuggle.
“We good now?” you ask the little chihuahua. He licks you fervently, and you laugh, setting him back down on the floor. Your bulldog reacts in the exact opposite manner, not even getting out of her bed, only deigning to open one eye to regard your visitor. Your conure has joined in the cacophony, and will not quiet until you give him a piece of apple.
“I hope you like fresh eggs and bacon, it’s all I got.”
“Alright.” He seems amused by you, and the happy mayhem of your home, looking around with a sparkle in his eye. “Can I use your bathroom?”
“Sure.” You point him in the right direction and go to the kitchen, lighting a burner under your cast iron skillet. You busy yourself with frying bacon and cracking eggs and filling the kettle for coffee. You are so concentrated on your task that it takes you a moment to notice Tex leaning on the door jam–sans shirt.
You blink, and nearly put your hand in the hot pan. “You forget something?” you ask, trying like hell not to stare at the broad expanse of muscled torso before you. Jesus fucking christ, that’s not fair.
“My clean shirts are back at the motel,” he defends. 
His hair is slightly damp from washing up, looking unfairly edible.
He sidles closer, and you notice the top button of his jeans is undone. A long scar runs down the center of his abdomen, leading your eye to a dark patch of hair that disappears into his waistband. 
Evil. This man is pure evil–and you want to taste every inch of him.
“My eyes are up here, darlin’,” he says with a smirk. 
“You are a menace,” you grouse, holding up a spatula in defense as he just keeps getting closer. He smirks, looking down at the implement.
“You gonna spank me, sweetheart?”
“I would, but I’m afraid you’d like it.”
You are warm all over, and it has nothing to do with slaving over a hot stove.
“Can I help?”
Like he hasn’t helped enough.
“Sure. Pour that hot water into that carafe.”
He looks between the french press, the kettle, and you. “Ever heard of a Mr. Coffee?”
“We don’t tolerate weak coffee in this house.”
He grins at you, doing as he’s told. He even knows to stir it with a wooden spoon, which makes you think he was just pulling your leg.
While you are flipping bacon you feel him zero in behind you, the line of warmth from his body like a heat lamp at your back. “Smells wonderful,” he says, daring to touch your waist.
“It’s meat candy, what do you expect?” You’re not sure if you’re talking about the bacon, or him. 
“Hmm.” His chuckle is a low rumble behind you. You feel it reverberate in your bones. The tips of his fingers press into your sides as he grips fistfuls of your nightgown–and you–as he nuzzles your hair. The sound you make as you wiggle in his arms is almost cartoonish. He takes no mercy, laughing and holding you closer. The warm, solid line of his body behind you is divine, so wonderful you can hardly stand it.
“You are going to make me burn the bacon!” you screech in an attempt at self-defense.
“That’s alright, I’ll just eat you for breakfast,” he tells you in that low growl that makes your knees weak, ducking to nibble at your ear. It’s possible you give in for a few seconds, your head rocking back against his shoulder as he holds you. Why does it have to feel like you fit together so well? When his long fingers bunch in your skirt, pulling it up as his other hand reaches for your breast you think you might combust. In a panic you smack his hand with the spatula with a little scream, trying not to giggle. 
“Go sit down!”
With a wicked chuckle he skips out of reach before you can smack him again, collapsing into one of the old wooden kitchen chairs. His smoldering gaze meets yours, and you feel unsettled. 
This man. Lord save you.
Or not. Maybe…you don’t want to be saved.
“I don’t know how you do things in Texas, but here you don’t get to feel a girl up just because you rustled a horse for her.”
He grins, baring his teeth like he means to eat you.
“Sorry, darlin’, blame the muumuu.”
You try to keep a straight face, but in the end you fail utterly. 
“You gonna tell me how all this happened?”
“You sure you want to know?”
“No, but I should.”
“Hmm. Well, after the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met abandoned me at the fair–”
“Oh save it, Mr. L.A. stuntman.”
He grins but goes on, “I had to do something to nurse my broken heart. So I went to the aforementioned TJ’s by the creek…”
“Ok, this is starting to make sense.”
You start setting dishes of food and plates on the table. Eggs, bacon, toast, butter and jam, and of course, coffee. “And I only had one drink, because I’m a cautious sort of fellow…”
“Yes, that has been made glaringly apparent in the short time I've known you.”
He nods in agreement with a fey glint in his eye all the while. “And who walks in, but our friend Dale…”
“Oh god. You didn’t pick a fight with him, did you?”
“I did not. I went out to the parking lot, to find his horse trailer still full of petting zoo employees conveniently two cars away from mine.”
You cover your mouth, so he can’t see the absolutely feral grin forming on your lips. “You didn’t.”
“I so did. Let the goats out to disperse in the woods there, and wouldn’t you know Ziggy fit right in my passenger seat?”
You are picturing this big tough man in his muscle car peeling out down the road with that cute little horse as a co-pilot. That must be the point when you officially lose your sanity, because you crawl into his lap, planting a big kiss right on his mouth. He lets out a low moan of appreciation, cupping your rear end in his two big hands.
“Tex?”
“Yeah, darlin’?”
“You’re a goddamned hero.”
“I know! I’ve been trying to tell you,” he says with a grin, stealing another kiss.
You try to extricate yourself to go sit in the opposite chair, but he will not let you. You eat breakfast together, sitting in his lap, his big warm hand on your thigh while you giggle and feed each other morsels and talk, and you can’t help but feel like things might turn out afterall.
***
Tex is helping you do the dishes, or maybe distracting you from doing the dishes, because he keeps plying you with toe curling kisses, when the two of you watch a battered red Chevy pickup pull down your driveway.
“Shit,” you say, recognizing it immediately.
“Here we go. Later than I expected.”
You look up at him open mouthed, an involuntary fear response coursing through your veins, turning your limbs ice cold. “You expected?”
“It’s alright, darlin’. Stay inside.” He kisses your forehead, cradling your cheek with a sweet assurance that you want to believe in, more than anything. It would be too good to be true, to have a man who could really protect you. Someone you could just…depend on. You want it with every fiber of your being, and rather than get your shotgun and run out to the porch on bare feet, you stand there in the kitchen and watch Tex go out the door, pulling a white t-shirt down over a blocky black object tucked into the back of his jeans.
Oh Lord. 
Predictably, Dale is driving, and your blood turns to ice as your piece-of-shit ex spills out of the passenger seat. And even though you know the very Devil is standing there in your driveway, your first thought, as ever when seeing Donnie Barksdale, is damn he looks good. 
There really is something wrong with you. 
He’s wearing a flannel with the sleeves cut off and his usual trucker hat advertising some manner of farm implement (as if he’s ever worked that hard). As always, the sight of Donnie feels like a sharp knife shoved up between your ribs. No matter what he did to you, a part of you will always love that man, or at least, the boy he was when he was your friend, your first love, before he became so hell bent on destroying you. To this day, you do not understand what you ever did to that man, to make him turn on you so violently. You offered him all the love in your heart, and in turn he made you feel worthless. For a time, you actually believed it was true. Now you know better, but it’s been a long, hard road.
“Who the hell are you?” barks Donnie up at the self-assured man standing sentry on your front porch. 
“That’s not what you should be worryin’ about right now,” answers Tex, leaning on the post. 
“That a fact?” 
“Yep. The thing you should be worryin’ about is that you’re trespassin’.” 
Dale exits his truck, leaning on the dented hood. “That’s the fucker that hit me last night, Donnie.” 
Donnie nods, sizing Tex up. The thing about Donnie is…he doesn’t like to get into a fight he doesn’t know he’s going to win. And Tex is a helluva wildcard. It’s possible your no-good wife-beatin’ ex finally met his match. 
“He’s leaving out the bit about askin’ for it. Is beatin’ on y/n y/l/n just a universal pastime in this county for you boys when you run outta pigs to fuck, or what?” drawls Tex, picking at his fingernails. 
Donnie bristles at this, taking a step forward. “Motherfucker–” 
“That’s as far as you go, son,” warns Tex, producing the object from the back of his jeans. You knew it was a gun. You did not know it was that big of a gun. Donnie is wearing his usual inscrutable aviators, but Dale’s eyes go wide. 
“We’re just here to get my stolen horse, mister,” says Dale, holding his hands up. 
“Aww, you boys missin’ your lil’ pony? Better check the lost and found then. It ain’t here.” 
“We’ll have a look for ourselves,” spits Donnie, stepping towards the barn. 
Boom!
The report of the pistol is deafening, and the bullet sends up an explosion of gravel right in front of Donnie’s feet. The dogs and the bird go crazy, starting up and barking and screeching. Donnie jumps backwards three feet, his glasses falling off into the dirt. The expression of fear on his face is as rare as it is priceless. 
“You crazy asshole!”
You scoop up Chichi, trying to comfort him. The little dog trembles like a leaf in your arms. You murmur nonsense to it, but your eyes are glued to the confrontation outside, adrenaline rolling through your veins like flash flood water. You realize you’re shaking almost as badly as the dog. 
“Guilty. Ever seen a Desert Eagle? Shoots a big fuckin’ bullet. A .50 caliber round will explode your kneecap like an apple.” Tex whistles with appreciation, and you’re pretty sure Donnie goes pale. “Wanna test my aim today? I might miss and hit you in the balls.” 
You shouldn’t be enjoying this the way you are, but God did that man have it coming. 
 “We should call the Sheriff on you!” 
“Please do. This is a ‘stand your ground’ state. We can tell him about how you’re trespassing, and I’m pretty sure you ain’t supposed to be within 300 yards of that pretty little thing watchin’ us from the kitchen.” 
Donnie’s attention zeroes in on the window, and you sense it like a laser sight fixed upon you. You hate it, how just that hateful look makes you flinch. 
“Y/n!” Donnie calls. “Come out here!” 
“She don’t need to come out here,” says Tex. “She ain’t gonna save you.” 
Donnie seems actually surprised, when you do not obey him, staying put in your spot in the kitchen. 
When the two men just stand there in the driveway, frozen and speechless, Tex cocks the pistol for show. “You need another demonstration? Git!”
“This ain’t over, fucker!” spits Donnie, pointing menacingly–from a safe distance. 
“You better hope it is. Don’t come back, and if either one of you ever touches her again I’ll kill you. That’s a promise. Now get the fuck out of here!” 
Spoiling for a fight but clearly outgunned, the two men back towards the truck, slowly climbing in. “There you go. See ya, bronies!” 
Tex waves the pistol in their direction, and you hear Donnie yell at Dale, “Fuck! Drive! Drive!”
Dale peels out, leaving ruts in your gravel and a dust cloud as they go.
Tex stays on the porch watching until their truck is good and gone. When he finally makes it back into the house you are a teary-eyed little mess. When he sees you the flint in his eyes immediately softens. “Aw, don’t cry honey, c’mere.” You do, and with your head resting on the solid warm wall that is this man’s chest you start to lose it. 
“You actually did it.” 
“Course I did. I told you I would,” he says, stroking your hair as he holds you.
“But…you actually did it,” you say again, because you still cannot believe what just happened. No man has managed to stand up to Donnie Barksdale since your Grandpa, at 80 years old, who stood between you and Donnie in the very same spot on the porch, with the same 12 gauge you still keep behind the hutch, and threatened to cut your then-husband in half if he took another step closer. 
It was the last night Donnie beat on you, and broke your orbital bone, two of your teeth, and your arm. You’d escaped into the dark woods that night, and even though you are not stealthy or fast you managed by some miracle to make it through the brush and thorns and barbed wire fences the two miles to your grandparents’ farm house. It was the last straw, and you finally set the wheel in motion to divorce him the next day. 
You are not a pretty crier, but Tex lets you soak his shirt with tears and snot, holding you and murmuring sweet nonsense. “That’s right, honey, get it out. It’s ok.”
For once, it doesn’t sound like an empty placation. Donnie seemed genuinely scared of Tex, and Dale is an even bigger coward than Donnie. Maybe…they really will just leave you alone. 
Stranger things have happened. 
“I’m sorry,” you wheeze, trying to pull away to get a tissue. “I’m a mess.” 
But Tex pulls you back, not seeming to care one bit, and when his lips touch yours it really does seem like everything in the world has turned right. 
Amusingly, Chichi has been sandwiched between all this in your arms, and only just begins to put up a grumble of protest. “Oh hush, lil buddy,” says Tex, not unkindly, scratching the little dog under the chin. He does nearly the same thing to you, brushing your hair out of your eyes. “You alright?”
You nod and offer a watery smile, setting the dog down on the ground. It’s not what Chichi wants, but he’ll live. “Yes. Thank you.” 
If Donnie believed what Tex said…you do too. There is something dangerous about this man. A wildness that makes his threat feel like a promise. You guess that when the law fails you, what you truly need is an outlaw who keeps his word. Yet you truly believe he’s not a danger to you. You feel safe with him, and maybe that’s the biggest miracle of all. 
“As silly as this sounds after the morning we’ve had…I really do have to go to work.” 
“Alright. I’ll drive you.” A part of you wants to say it’s not necessary. But the other half of you? Just wants to bask in this new found feeling of security while it lasts. You can’t expect Tex to stick around forever to babysit you. But for right now…god, it feels good, to not have to carry this weight all on your own shoulders. 
You kiss him again, and it is warm, and sweet as sugar cookies fresh from the oven. You melt into him, and with his strong arms around your waist, then lower, it is very hard to get up the motivation to go clean up and put on your uniform. 
“Honey, you keep kissin’ me like that and we’re not goin’ anywhere.” 
It’s embarrassing, but you know the sound you make in answer is something like a cat in heat, your fingers curling in the soft cotton of his t-shirt. You feel his words inside you–in the rhythm of your heart, and the throb of your loins. It’s damn near unbearable, this sudden restlessness you feel inside.
You don’t have anyone else to depend on, so you always have to do the responsible thing. Go to work. Get the money. Pay the bills. No one escapes the bullshit death march of Capitalism, except the fuckers who are running the game.
And yet. Maybe…just this once…you could call in sick. 
You stand on tiptoe to kiss him again, grabbing fistfuls of the fluffy waves of his now dried hair. “Tex?” 
“Yeah, baby.” His voice is pure honey dripping golden in the sun. 
“Let’s go upstairs.” His big hands flex against the soft curves of your hips, grabbing fistfuls of nightgown like he’s thinking about tearing it off of you. Incredibly, he says nothing glib, just nods. But when he looks down at you for a long, heated moment–you think he could burn down the world, with the fire in that dark gaze. 
“Lead the way, darlin’.” 
You take his big, beautiful hands in yours, and pull him towards the stairs.
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sunlightmurdock · 9 months ago
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okay apocalypse dbf!jake will not let me go again so- I need the confession 🙏 I need the tear-stained first kiss after an attack, with too much adrenaline and too little care for the inappropriate age gap
EEK me either me either me either ! I’m so insane about him rn
And I feel like this particular attack would be a big one. Resources are running low and Jake won’t leave you up on that mountain by yourself, so he has no choice but to bring you with him. He has done what he can, preparing you for this.
It scares you, even when it’s just all pretend with him. He’s not as kind when he’s training you. Even as you’re crying and telling him to stop it, that you don’t want to, he’s yelling and insisting that you aim straight and breathe — that these things won’t stop no matter how much you cry, or scream, or beg.
He doesn’t mean to be cruel. It would be far more cruel to leave you unprepared, to let something happen to you.
This is a low stakes run, but you can feel that he’s unhappy having you here. It’s itching at you that maybe it’s because you couldn’t hit that target last time. He had tied a thick tree branch to a length of rope, pushed hard, and let it swing. Your first moving target. Not so much as a chip in the wood. You’ve got a pretty big knife, one that could tear muscle from bone— he won’t give you a gun.
You know he’s focused on protecting you, it’s an awful feeling to think that you may not be able to do the same for him, especially after all he has done for you so far.
It’s a gas station, back off of the road, early enough on that it hasn’t yet been completely raided. Heavy metal shutters cover the windows, but Jake makes quick work of the padlocks on the back door. The power has all gone out by now, it’s just the light from your flashlights to guide the way. Jake is two paces ahead, close enough to jump back and pull you behind him if he needs.
It’s eerily quiet. You’re stuck to him like a shadow as he surveys for danger, and ultimately decides that it’s okay.
Keep away from the doors and windows, stay where I can see you. Dejected and feeling more uselessly childish than you have in a long time, you sweep the shelves and take what you can while Jake does the same. Continually, he checks over top of the shelves to see if he can see the top of your head.
It’s going too well, it tricks you both into thinking that this is going to be easy. You’re focused, on your knees and rummaging through the medicines to take everything you could need. You don’t even notice the noise that you’re making. Jake doesn’t mind the rummaging sounds, it means he can hear where you are without needing to watch.
But then, so can the employee who took such care to fortify this place before he took swallowed back a cocktail and pills the second that he saw his home in flames and his undead mother staggering around on the news footage. He made himself comfortable before he passed. His shoes and his jacket are in the back room. His socks are almost silent against the linoleum as he staggers around the corner.
He’s tall, and skinny, and hadn’t hurt anyone in his entire life. But he’s close enough by the time you spot him that his height gives you no room to stand up. His eyes are wide and gorging, the sockets sullen and lifeless. You haven’t seen one of them so clean before, part of him still looks human. His lips are pulled back, animal, growling weakly as he reaches for you and tumbles forwards.
Jake hears the scream and he swears that he’s going to be too late. Even just across the floor of the gas station — it takes seconds for one of those things to get their jaws around you. He’s sick to his stomach, his gun pulled and the safety off, uncaring about if the sound draws attention for miles around.
He rounds the corner and spots the puddle of dark, thick blood first. His heart sinks to his stomach, until he realises that it isn’t yours. You push the corpse back, off of you. Your knife is plunged through the socket of its eye, it’s dead. You take one look at Jake, and crumble, tears pouring from your eyes as you stare at your blood soaked hands.
“Shh, I’m here. Shh, shh, shh. You’re okay,” Jake whispers, sinking to his knees and pulling you off of the floor, cradling you in his arms as he kisses the top of your head. “It’s alright, I’m right here. You’re safe, you’re okay.”
“I didn’t— I didn’t see it— it was —“
“I know, sweet girl,” Jake whispers, rubbing soothingly at your back. He presses his lips together and kisses softly at your temple. “You did so good. You did it. You’re alright now.”
Again, Jake kisses your temple softly, hugging you closer. His weight and his smell, his strong arms wrapped around you. All of it almost makes you forget where you are. Blinking back any more tears, you turn your head as he kisses at your temple again. This time, you’re looking at him as he pulls back.
Tears soaking your lashes and your cheeks, staring up at him. Jake’s throat feels thick, his mouth suddenly dry as your fingers press into his arms. You are okay, you did it. He’s here. You sit forwards first, and Jake’s met with the exact thing that he has been trying to stop himself from thinking about for these past few weeks. Your lips are just as soft as they look, and your hands pawing at his arms make him melt into you.
Before all of this, Jake tried so hard to fight it. You’re so much younger. Your father would have never approved. Now, he supposes — it doesn’t matter. What matters, is keeping you safe, and he’s so glad that you’re safe.
His hand grabs firmly at the nape of your neck as he presses closer, deepening his hold on you, kissing you firmly.
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luci-is-a-bitch-x3x · 1 year ago
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Obey me! Brothers with Demon behaviors (part 3??) :
You can find other parts here: part one, part two, part three (u are here), Part four
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Welcome! to another part of this adventure! The characters may not be how you imagine! I apologize for any poor jokes, bad spelling, and terrible grammar. Without further ado, please enjoy the content. ♡
Caution: May contain dark themes or imply towards dark themes. May contain nsfw or it may imply towards nsfw themes.
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☆☆Weather Behaviors☆☆
How does hot weather affect the brothers?
Even though demons can handle weather better than humans, we're talking about a group of man demon babies. The brothers and heat do not mix well. It puts all of them in a sour mood, more fighting takes place during hot seasons, the damage HoL takes during these seasons is insane. Its an all out brawl between the brothers when its hot, the only one safe is Mc, and that's if they don't get caught in the crossfire. Mc's job of keeping the brothers in check is so much harder when its hot in the Devildom, the brothers fighting isn't just confined to HoL like it sometimes is during cold weather. Instead the brothers will fight anywhere, HoL, R.A.D, a random street corner, it doesn't matter if the heat makes them angry enough a fight is breaking out no matter the place. During hot weather the brothers may avoid each other as much as possible, even the clingest of the brothers are not touching anyone other than Mc. Bonding between the brothers during hot seasons is rare but its not impossible. If they go to the beach or get ice cream together, they may bond a little. If they can cool down enough it it will be pretty chill, they'll all actually act like they like each other until they inevitably get hot again.
The brothers may do certain things to cool down that humans can't do. For example they may extend their wings if they have them so that the wind can blow against their wings, it helps cool them down as their wings are a sensitive part of their demon forms. If the brothers have tails depending on the tail they may try and block the sun or heat with their tail, trying to create a small amount of shade for themselves. Other ways they may cool down with their tails is by licking them, the saliva wets the fur and then the wettness gets cool under a breeze. Both of these ways do not work for Levi's tail, Levi's tail is similar to a snakes or a reptiles tail in general. This means that Levi would likely put his tail in places with shade, whether that means under a tree or whether he makes the burrow himself it does matter, as long as his tail is under shade he'll be cooler than he previously was. Other methods of cooling that Mc may find that all brothers do are things like: panting, humans pant occasionally but animals pant often, some animals can't sweat so panting is the next best method. The brothers can sweat, but i feel like some brothers just prefer the panting method when it comes to cooling down. Animals like dogs sweat through glands in their feet, the brothers may have specific places that sweat more than others. Some of the brothers may sweat more than others and some may rarely sweat at all, it really just depends on their demon forms and what animals their demon forms take after. Dogs some times sweat through their noses, which is why you'll occasionally find a pup with a wet nose. Now it might seem weird for a demon to have a wet nose but I can see it happening. Every demon is made to appear different in some way, so not all demons will sweat through their nose, however some will, its an interesting experience.
Places in the Devildom that have water are packed during hot seasons, demons flock to water just like animals. Even demons that you wouldnt think would swim can be found swimming if it gets to hot out. Demons may also do something similar to hibernating, they'd most likely call it "heat naps". If you're sleeping you're not making yourself hot by exercising, so some demons sleep more during hot seasons. These heat naps usually take place under a homemade burrow, just a bunch of pillows and blankets on top of them to try and keep themselves cool. All demons shed more during hot seasons, Mc almost thought the brothers were going balled the first time they experienced it. Demons hair grows and thickens during cold seasons, and when hot seasons come their hair just starts falling out. You know how cats shed? Imagine that but 100x worse, at least some cats have short hair, imagine getting one of these hairs in your mouth. During hot seasons Mc is constantly covered in the brothers hair, give the rollers that clean hair to Mc for christmas to save them some money during hot seasons.
₊ ⊹Affection Behaviors⊹ ₊
How do they behave when being affectionate:
The brothers or just demons in general have plenty ways of showing affection that may seem "animalistic" to Mc, purely because humans dont tend to show affect these ways, it may even sometimes remind Mc of how a pet would act. Some of the acts of affection are commonly done by all the brothers, while other acts are only done by one or two brothers. The brothers have different ways they like to show affection such as; Mammon, Levi, Satan, and Belphie may show or ask for affection by nuzzling their head against Mc. I can see the others doing this at some point, but these are the ones that do it the most. Asmo or Beel may randomly lick Mc to show their affection. The others may do this but its more of teasing manner when they do it. Lucifer shows his vulnerability to Mc, now that may not seem like affection but for this prideful demon it means he trusts and cares for Mc dearly. The other brothers do show valnerability to Mc, but its just different for Lucifer.
Some of the brothers behave almost like a pet dog sometimes. If Mc goes out they may come home to find one brother or multiple brothers waiting at the door for them. I don't see Satan and Lucifer doing this to often, but they will also occasionally be waiting at the door for Mc. Mc gets followed around by the brothers often, just like a dog follows its owner around. The brother doesn't even have to be talking or intereacting with Mc, but if Mc leaves the room then they'll leave the room too. Now again Satan and Lucifer won't be as bad about it as some of the brothers may be Mammon Belphie but the two will still do it sometimes. Imagine Mc gets up and leaves the room and every single brother follows behind them like a dog on a leash. Some of the brothers may even jump in excitement when they see Mc after a long time. Personally I could only see a couple doing this like Mammon, Asmo and maybe Levi. The others may shake in excitement, i can see Levi, Belphie, and Mammon doing this. The rest of the brothers would show their excitment differently so their excitment might not be that obvious. Imagine Mc comes back to HoL after being gone for awhile just to find one of the brothers waiting for them jumping or shaking in excitement before they tackle Mc to the ground. Mammon, Beel, and sometimes Levi like to have their belly rubbed, they'll roll over like a dog and everything. Beel and Mammon like to play, like either play fighting or playing catch. Mammon, Levi, Belphie, and Beel if he doesn't think he'll crush Mc will all sit on Mc's lap no matter how short or tall Mc is. Beel, Mammon, Levi and sometimes Belphie will lay their head on Mc's knee or hand in attempts to get Mc's attention.
Some of the brothers behave more like a pet cat, for example Belphie, Satan, and Lucifer all do the slow eye blink. If Asmo, Lucifer, Satan, or Belphie exposes their belly to Mc then their showing their trust and affection. Unlike the other brothers these 4 don't really like having their belly rubbed but Mc may occasionally get away with rubbing their belly. These 4 mostly just do it to show Mc that they trust them and are comfortable being vanurable around them. All the brothers make a purring sound but Lucifer, Satan, and Levi purr the most. Mammon, Satan, and Belphie will head butt Mc affectionately. Literally anywhere, on Mc's arm, Mc's forehead where ever it doesnt matter, just as long as they get Mc's attention. I can see all the brothers giving love bites but Belphie, Satan, Mammon, and Lucifer give them the most. Now I know some people probably don't think Lucifer would bite Mc randomly, but I can see him giving them when its just him and Mc alone. Satan, Belphie, Levi, and Asmo will rub noses with Mc. The other brothers have occasionally rubbed noses with Mc but those 4 do it the most. All the brothers will nuzzle their face against Mc, it doesn't matter where they will anywhere. Belphie, Satan, Asmo and sometimes Lucifer will "paw" at Mc when they want Mc's attention. Some wont say anything they'll just keep rapidly touching Mc's hand or arm until Mc pays attention to them. You know how cats will bring you something they killed? Well I can see this happening it's probably Beel, Mammon, or Belphie that does it. Now the other brothers may bring Mc a token, but they never brought Mc anything dead. The other three just didn't understand that humans don't do that. The brothers that bring regular tokens the most are: Mammon, Satan, Lucifer, and Asmo. Mammon learned his lesson like a smart boy and hasn't brought Mc anything dead since the first time.
The brothers are really bad about stealing things that smell like Mc so they can lay on them. All the brothers have done it at least once but the ones that are the worst about it are: Mammon, Belphie, and Levi. If Mc goes away to long they'll come back to everything that smelled like them being missing. Mc will have to go door to door to collect their belongings back, and some brothers may even fight Mc over keeping the items. All of the brothers are territorial over Mc in an affectionate way of "thats my human don't mess with them". If the brothers let Mc groom them then it means they trust them, this really matters for brothers like: Asmo and Lucifer. Those two really have to trust Mc to let Mc alter or mess with their apperance, even if Mc is just trying to help and clean them up.
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Thats all for now babes! I don't know how this got to where it is but I hope you enjoyed!! ♡ This is not proofread. Feel free to comment or reblog any thoughts or any add ons you have! Betcha didn't see another one of these coming! I did a little research for this one, so hopefully its good! Anyways I have more content coming soon so Stay Tuned! Stay Safe! & Stay Cool Shawty!
━☆*:・゚✧✧ ♡ ❀ ♡ ✧━
⟡˙⋆Masterlist⋆˙⟡
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yurinaa-world · 11 months ago
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hello, blade, jing yuan, dan heng and welt platonic with a teen!reader who is like sirin from honkai impact?
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Characters: Blade, Jing Yuan, Dan Heng, and Welt yang platonic! x Female Reader
Synopsis: reader that's like Sirin from honkai impact
Warnings: Fluff and spelling mistakes, a little dark blade's part
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𝐵𝓁𝒶𝒹𝑒
It fits the Stellorn Hunters theme and everything, but a little different, and he likes it. You’re like him, and he’s like you—brother and sister bonding at its finest. hating everyone, hoping everyone dies, killing people, and overall being insane in the head more than the others.
You deem him worth it since he’s such a loyal servant to you, and even better when he isn’t human, only a corrupted man under the flesh of his body; it’s the only thing he’ll ever be an unlucky man, but you, the chosen one, born to be special, unlike anyone, he’ll be grateful to spend a second in your presence.
𝒥𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝓊𝒶𝓃
Your ego is a bit too much for a little girl like yourself since you are just a child, but nonetheless, a child with power is too much for your own body to handle. You continue to fight him but get too frustrated when he doesn’t go down as easily as you thought he would. “I would let you beat me!” You’ve already lost the second you tried to attack him. You refuse! Refuse to end it here like this!
 
You can calm down; he isn’t going to execute you since you want to beat that badly, then become his student since you seem to have a lot of potential. You were never going to lower yourself to this level! For this sleaze!
Well, you could have your revenge faster..hm..maybe you could be. You aren’t going to even show any mercy, so he better be ready!
𝒟𝒶𝓃 𝐻𝑒𝓃𝑔
You have such an attitude; you can’t just say whatever you want! Why? because people hate it whenever you question their power, so you have to tip-toe around and sugarcoat everything. Just stop talking before you end everyone in jail because of your so-called 'truth'
March can’t deal with you, and not most on the express can’t have the patience of an angel, so it’s him, maybe Himko (a woman’s got power), and Mr. Yang (it’s him most of the time). Whenever he gets stuck with you, he just hopes that you don’t destroy someone by calling you a kid.
Il Dan Heng: He is a changed man who went through the lesson of self-reflection, and everything and a bonus can deal with you now. He has a lot of patience, and you listen to him now since he’s not some dumb insect human anymore, so he can be your presence.
𝒲𝑒𝓁𝓉 𝓎𝒶𝓃𝑔
War flashbacks here, folks, but he handles it very differently from a similar situation that happened when he was way younger: you hurting even though you look at him with a disgusted look wherever he puts the word ‘hurt’ and you in the same sentence. He’ll get to warm up to him, which helps with the fact that he’s the one spending the most time with you.
You get sort of close with him since he’s strong for an old man with brittle bones that could crack any minute. You need to start getting close to other people as well, or else how will you get any friends? But who needs friends when they’re humans?
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if you liked this, consider tipping me on ko-fi! it'd mean a lot
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nyxi-pixie · 3 months ago
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Hiiiii.
Sorry to bother you, I wanted to know if you had any fic recs? Your writing is so good and your tastes are immaculate, and I am starving for any kind of good content. Please?
its not possible to bother me love dw <3
NOW. i dont actually read all that much anymore bc i am horrendously picky but this does give me an excuse to hype up the few authors that have satisfied my unreasonably specific tastes 🤩.
so. a few bsd recs for you (except theyre 99% skk because im horribly predictable forever). everyone go read all of these and tell the authors how wonderful they are in the comments please <3
anything @booksandpaperss has ever written is genius work and everyone should read it. could talk abt all of their stuff for hours (and i have🤩 they put up w so much of me bothering them godbless). also our brains do some accidental crazy mind melding shit whenever either of us write fic so if you like any of my stuff you will like theirs. thats the rules. <3
like twin stars in the dark (we collide)- dead apple skk porn as a vehicle for 22skk analysis. makes me salivate i have read it so many times. they get 22skk better than anyone🙏
my lies are for you to keep (my love for you to lose) - the only take on beastskk that matters to me ever. you can actually see me losing my mind in the comment i wrote on this fic bc of how fucking insane every single line made me. theres SO much packed into this thing its fucking crazy i NEEEEED everyone to read it. thats all <3
till death, I'll give you my breath - dazai death timeloop. this fic terrifies me so much i await every update with my teeth chattering and my heart pulsing so rapidly i should be hospitalised. the first scene of chapter 2 genuinely had me on the verge of tears im unwell about it.
(elli also has some jjk stuff thats REALLYREALLY good and if ur into jjk u should check that out too.)
NOW. aside from being a propaganda machine for my fav writer ever. Heres some other stuff i love.
the second perspective by @wildflowerteas. murder mystery/detective noir stuff w some time fuckery. the au of all time. mashes aspects of beast, canon, and some extra special niko sauce into a mixing bowl and goes crazy w it. just Such a genuinely impressive piece of writing. i could talk abt the technical brilliance of it for hours but i will stop myself. you gotta commit to this thing because it WILL make u crazy. also i loveee the sskk. its like if we had the beast first meeting sskk forever. SOSO GOOD!!!!
did fate guide the gun or did you? by @kanetheo. i read this pretty soon after chapter 109 and it genuinely fried my brain for months. the writing style is beautiful (as for everything they write AUGHH!!!) and the angst is delectable. the way it intersperses more fun silly skk moments with just. complete misery. GOD. it just hits. ive reread it quite a few times and it never fails to make me go crazy. srsly cannot rec this enough.
the decomposition of dazai osamu by @hella1975 this shot several bullets through my brain and i still havent recovered. i keep thinking 'oh i should reread that' and then i dont bc some part of my brain still concerns itself w maintaining whats left of my sanity. BUT its crazy good and everyone should read it and suffer at least once. EVERYONE LOVES YOU OSAMU!!!! EVERYONE EATS YOU!!! line of all time lets all kill ourselves.
smoke held conversations by feralrookie - i havent reread this in a while but it does cool stuff with nlh and the skkisms are really good in this too. ppl often write teen chuuya as less intelligent than he actually is. hes very observant, esp of dazai, and this fic gave me that 🙏
i called your name til the fever broke by forest_raccoon - vampire chuuya. biting is involved. i blacked out reading it. enough said.
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