#meant to post this like a week ago more than a week ago like a few months ago but i forgor šŸ’€
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pomefioredove Ā· 3 days ago
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*ą©ˆāœ©ā€§ā‚ŠĖš requiem of a cringe
did something embarrassing last night and was like "I need to go crawl in a hole and die. OR I could write"
type of post: blurbs characters: cater, rook, jack, vil, idia, malleus additional info: romantic, reader is gender neutral (the term "damsel in distress" is used in vil's part, but it's meant to be teasing and not indicative of the reader's gender), reader is yuu, rook is rook
I. Talks Too Much
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It's not that you're trying to be annoying.
Your mouth simply moves faster than your mind, and before you know it, you've been talking for twenty uninterrupted minutes about... well... nothing.
You always notice that uncomfortable, irritated look on their face just after you're done. And then you keep rambling in an attempt to make it less awkward (it never does).
And now you're here, hiding in the hedge maze outside Heartslabyul, thinking about getting lost and never coming out of it.
Of course, if anyone were to find you now, it'd be him.
"Hey, hon~ you busy?"
"Please, not now, Cater," you mutter.
The boy stills, looking a little taken aback by how miserable you sound.
"Are you still upset about that thing at the Unbirthday Party? That was hours ago, babe! I bet no one even remembers,"
You physically cringe. The faces of your uncomfortable tablemates won't seem to leave your memory...
"I remember it," you murmur, burying your face in your hands. "I'm so annoying."
For once, Cater is quiet. A minute goes by, and you think he may have left, until you hear the grass crunching under his knees as he kneels down and pulls you into a hug.
"You are not annoying. And even if you were, it'd only make me like you more," he mutters, burying his face in the crook of your neck.
"Understand?"
Your surprise at his change in tone doesn't stop you from hugging back. "Understood,"
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You hadn't meant to say all of that.
You just spilled a potion you'd been working on for hours, and amidst your frustrated floor-scrubbing, you had vented about your entire week to your poor lab partner, a person you had been trying to impress all semester.
He had, gracefully, let you finish your rant, and then let you sit in it, just like the harmless potion now coating your knees as you cleaned up the floor.
Then, he awkwardly said: "That... sucks. I guess. I don't know what to say,"
There had probably never, in your whole life, been a person who looked more unhappy to be around you.
Afterwards, you found a nice spot in the woods behind campus to die.
You lie there, hoping nature would reclaim you before next alchemy class, when some purposefully loud rustling in the bushes catches your eye.
"Ah, Trickster! You really should not lie like that- a predator will take that as weakness, non? Are you injured?"
"Only my pride,"
"Talking about it will make you feel better," Rook says. It's more of a demand than a question.
You sigh. "I think I've done enough talking for... ever, actually,"
"Nonsense," he suddenly straddles your waist and pins your wrists to the earth. "I will not move until you tell me the problem, mon cœur."
You're like an animal in a snare. Once Rook has made up his mind, that's it. He will find out.
And so, with a sigh, you let him take the kill- that is, you tell him everything. Your whole, terrible week, the potion incident, the look on your lab partner's face...
When you're done, he's just. Smiling. "I see now. You are embarrassed,"
"Well... yes. You don't think that's embarrassing?"
He beams. "You are simply overflowing with beautiful emotion and passion for la vie! How could I ever find that embarrassing? You and I are not so different,"
In a weird way, that makes sense. Rook is never one to let shame hold him back from expressing his feelings.
He smiles at your pensive expression, and gives you a kiss on the head.
"Mais, next time you are upset, maybe you should come to me first, non?"
II. Clumsy
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Forgetful, scatterbrained, oblivious, dimwitted are all words you've become used to hearing.
As well as a few colorful swears.
You have two left feet, even when you're not dancing- you're used to walking into walls, tripping, and dropping things- it just sucks that you have an audience now.
The first years that had gathered around the mess you made- tripping over your own feet and spilling the papers you were meant to deliver to Ace and Deuce all over the floor- are watching with grins and phones out.
You pretend they're not there, even with their taunts and whistles and laughter.
"Hey! Loitering is a waste of time!" someone barks. Literally.
You look up to see Jack moving through the crowd, scolding the other first years for blocking the hall.
When he sees you in the eye of the storm, on your hands and knees picking up your spilled papers, something upset takes his usually-stoic demeanor.
"What's the matter with you?!" he snarls at the boys. "Didn't anyone teach you any manners?! It's rude to stare- and laugh!"
His ears are flattened against his head when he kneels down beside you to help, collecting the papers, and putting them in your hands.
"Come on, we'll be late if you keep 'sittin there,"
Jack pulls you to your feet and gives one final snarl to the other first years before walking you off.
"...Thanks,"
"Eh? Don't mention it," he says. "Leona woulda had my tail if I just walked by..."
You know there's more to it than that, but you don't push. You're just happy he's forgotten to take his hand out of yours.
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You can't handle being the center of attention.
For good reason, too- you're awkward, clumsy, and about the least graceful a person can get.
A true Ugly Duckling at a place like NRC. But Vil Schoenheit sees the swan in you. Perhaps that's why he's always been so patient and sweet.
It's a little distracting.
So much is obvious when he waves at you in the hall and, distracted by his smile, you walk right into a wall.
Though you can't see anything but stars after falling on your butt, the stares and snickers of everyone else are hard to miss.
Vil glares them away with a look that could kill twice over, and then stands over you as you lay on the floor.
"Come on," he says, holding out a hand. "I'll check you for concussion."
He brings you to Pomefiore and sits you down, shooing off a few curious underclassmen as he checks your pupils. "Do you feel nauseous?"
"Not really,"
"Then you'll be fine. Just a bump. You really should be more careful, though,"
You've heard that one before. Vil smiles at your dazed expression, and presses a cold compress against your head.
"This will help with the swelling,"
"Thanks," you mutter, still a little out of it. "You're my hero."
His eyebrows raise in true surprise, and then he chuckles. "And that makes you a damsel in distress?"
He doesn't give you a chance to respond before taking away the compress and kissing the red mark on your head.
"Don't think that being so cute is going to distract me. I'll make some time for lessons on poise this weekend,"
III. Unsociable
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You'd think that being quiet and staying out of people's ways would get them to leave you alone, but it really just attracts more attention.
And after a grueling period of your tablemates making you the butt of every joke ("wow, I didn't know you could even talk!" "are you quiet because you hate us? come onnn, you can tell me!") you were ready to bury yourself alive.
"I don't ever want to leave," You mumble into the bundle of sheets and blankets on Idia's unmade bed.
"You could stay, y'know," Idia says from his desk, mindlessly scrolling through some gaming forum. "I should blackmail Crowley into letting you stay down here at least half the year."
"Couldn't it be the whole?"
"Nah. You need like, sunlight and stuff,"
"And you don't?!"
Idia snickers. "I'm built different. You know that. I get all my nutrients from blue light... You could at least stay for the weekend, though,"
You roll your eyes.
"...And I'll leak those normies' data. I'm sure I could get into their browser histories and have that emailed to their parents,"
Hm. You genuinely consider it for a moment, but eventually decide to give mercy. You're basically a saint.
"I think I just wanna pretend like I don't exist right now,"
Idia nods in understanding and pushes his gaming chair over to the edge of the bed, before crawling in and wrapping himself around you.
"That can be done. Pancakes tomorrow?"
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Sure, there were people who talked to you, but you didn't talk back.
You just don't know how, you suppose. Every time you try, you end up saying the wrong thing, or are accidentally rude, or do something embarrassing.
You don't understand the references people make. You don't get social cues or hints. You have the social skills of an oyster.
Four months at Night Raven College, and you didn't have a single friend.
Well- except for him.
"How are you enjoying your tea?" Malleus asks, polite and curt as ever.
You take another sip- it's tangy, sweet, with a hint of bitterness. Some sort of Briar Valley blend that Malleus had imported just for you.
"I really like it,"
He smiles. "I'm pleased,"
One of the things you find so agreeable about Malleus is his simplicity. He often says exactly what he means; albeit, in a sort of 13th century Lord sort of way.
There's less stress with him. You don't have to pretend to be interesting, or outgoing, or cool. You can just be... you.
Because he likes you.
"You know," you say with a faint smile. "You're so nice to me. Sometimes I think that you're the only person I need. I could be happy with just you for the rest of my life."
You had meant that casually, but when you look back up from your cup, Malleus has this... look.
Wide-eyed, his lips pressed firmly together. There's even a dusting of color on his cheeks.
"Oh," you internally panic. Was that too much? Was that weird? Did you make things awkward again? Crap, you should have just acted normal, what's wrong with you?! "S-sorry, I-"
"Do you truly mean that?"
You go quiet, looking back at him with wide eyes. Your heart is pounding against your chest.
"...Yes,"
Malleus hums, his expression becoming more... pensive, and then...
He smiles. "I feel the same. Shall we go for a walk while the night is still young?"
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fading-event-608 Ā· 19 hours ago
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Itā€™s thanksgiving in us and black Friday tomorrow. I do not participate in either, and I hope you do not too. But if you do, I want to remind you that there havenā€™t been a safe day in Gaza for over a year. For this thanksgiving many in Gaza would be lucky to be warm or sated, and I'm not even going to talk about safety. Falastinā€™s family (and many more) will be thankful to have ANYTHING on the table today, and with the current rates of donations they will, and I promise Iā€™m not over exaggerating, freeze or starve to death.
Her family has endured more than 50 displacements now and has had many family members martyred since last October. They wanted to buy another tent and waterproof materials in September* but they didnā€™t get enough donations (they are forced to spend what they have on food) and now they are starving.Ā 
Last time the campaign met the daily goal of 500 USD was 22 days ago - a goal that was meant to be a stepping stone. And this week they didn't even raise 400 USD so far. If you are not familiar with prices in Gaza or Falastinā€™s campaign you may think that itā€™s a lot, but itā€™s very far from the truth. Prices in Gaza are still rising, aid is getting sparser (just like the world's attention to Palestine) and they need all the help they can get to feed 26 people. Even 1 or 5 dollars can help since it will push the campaign up in the algorithm on gofundme.
Donate via Gofundme (in SEK! check rates below please): LINK
$5 CAD = kr39 SEK $5 USD = kr55 SEK ā‚¬5 = kr57 SEK $10 CAD = kr78 SEK $10 USD = kr109 SEK ā‚¬10 = kr115 SEK $25 CAD = kr195 SEK $25 USD = kr274 SEK ā‚¬25 = kr289 SEK $50 CAD = kr390 SEK $50 USD = kr547 SEK ā‚¬50 = kr577 SEK $100 CAD = kr780 SEK $100 USD = kr1,094 SEK ā‚¬100 = kr1,155 SEK
Donate via PayPal (in USD): LINK
Incentives:
raffle for a hand-made Palestinian thob LINK (from 50 USD)
commissions from me (from 15 USD) - LINK for an example.
Please match/up my donation from 3 days ago if you can.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Vetting info: #282 in El-Shab-Hussein and Nabulsi's spreadsheet [here], #957 in the Butterfly Project spreadsheet [here]
Falastin's account - please visit and reblog.
*the post says 24 family members but on oct 6th this year Falstin's cousin was martyred and his 2 orphaned children are now in their care.
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auroracalisto Ā· 2 days ago
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secrets and scars
movie!fiyero x gn!reader, 847 words summary: the reader has been scarred for some time now. fiyero discovers them and does something rather... unexpected. a/n: idk what this is. but like... yeah. hope it makes sense. i was gonna queue this and save it for later but iā€™m gonna go ahead and post it. i have a few queued posts for jonathan bailey characters in the coming weeks so. iā€™ll try to feed you all for the holidays. ā™” tw: reader has scars? no direct mention of where they are but it could be triggering. slight reference to sexual content, reader is naked for a hot minute but nothing graphic happens. you'll understand when you read.
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Scars. They littered your body, an unfortunate reminder of the past you barely escaped. It was as if your body didn't want you to forget.
You wished you could.
You're lost in your thoughts in one of the many archways of Shiz University, staring out at the blue sky above. Your fingers itch to touch your scarsā€”to scratch, to peel them away. You didn't want the reminder of who you once were. You didn't want the reminder of what once happened to you.
In all of Oz, you'd give anything to be able to erase your scars.
Anything.
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It's a flurry of a nightā€”confusing all around, and then somehow, Fiyero ends up in your dorm, kissing you, touching you, and by the love of Oz, how is he so quick with your clothing?
But before you can stop him, panic-stricken, he sees them. Your scars.
He's silent, wide eyed as he looked at them, lips parted as his eyes flicker from each mark on your skin.
He licked his lips a bit nervously, glancing up at you.
"Youā€”areā€”" he stopped himself, seeing the panicked look on your face. "Oh, Y/n," he breathed out, moving to sit beside of you on your bed. He gently pressed a hand to the side of your face. "I'm sorry. I should have asked."
You slowly shook your head. "No. No, it's okay, I justā€”just didn't expect you to move so quickly. You, uhā€”"
"Surprised you, hm?" he softly asked. He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead before he found his voice once more. "I'm so sorry."
"Sorry? For what?"
He doesn't answer. Instead, his eyes fall to your scars, and you can tell he wants to ask you questionsā€”how you got them, what happened, how long ago it happened.
Instead, he says something that takes you by surprise (because of course he didā€”Fiyero was filled with surprises, was he not?).
"They are beautiful."
"What?"
"Your scars."
You're silent for a moment. "My... my scars? Are beautiful?"
He smiled softly at you, taking ahold of your hand. He looked into your eyes. "Yes. Your scars are beautiful," he softly said. "I won't ask you about them. You can tell me when you decide you are ready, if you ever are."
Your eyes soften as you admire him from your spot on the bed. You feel so exposedā€”naked to the man not only physically but also emotionally. It was an odd feeling. A... welcomed feeling.
"May I touch them?" Fiyero softly asked.
"My scars?" you questioned for what seemed the hundreth time in the past few minutes.
"Yes. Your scars."
"You want to touch them?"
Fiyero looked at you, an incredulous look on his face. "Yes, Y/n. You can say no, it's quite alright. My feelings will not be hurt if you say no."
You watched him, swallowing nervously. "You... you're so odd," you softly said.
He snorted softly, a smile embracing his features. He leaned forward and kissed your cheek.
"Only for you."
You gave a small nod in return, and watched as he moved down the bed, focusing on the part of your body with your scars. His eyes flicker up to yours and he pressed a soft kiss to the puckered skin.
"Only for you," he repeated.
You feel flustered more than anything, looking away from him and his beautiful brown eyes.
How odd, indeed.
"I... I don't like them," you softly said.
"You do not like your scars?" he softly asked, a finger gently brushing against one of them. "Did somethingā€”"
"ā€”I'll tell you. One day. Just..."
"Of course," he said. "I understand. But... Y/n, I meant what I said. They are beautiful."
You pursed your lips.
"They show how much strength you've had to survive, Y/n," he said, leaning forward and letting his lips connect with yours. "They're beautiful because they show me you've had to be brave. To be courageous in the face of such disaster. Your scars may be something you do not like, but do not wish them away."
You don't look at him, but you do not push him away.
"I do not know how you got them," he said, "and I am so sorry if what happened to you was... well, unsavory. But... they show such strength, Y/n."
"Strength is ridiculous and you know it," you muttered. You just want to rebuke his statement, as sweet as it may be.
He pecked your lips again.
"Perhaps that's not the best way to describe what it is, but I can't think of what would be better," he said. "This brain of mine doesn't want to work when the most beautiful person in all of Oz is letting me see their secrets."
Your heart pounded in your chest and you looked up at him, eyes softening.
"You are so odd," you repeated.
He snorted softly. "Yes. We've established this, Y/n. Thank you."
A smile quirked on your lips and you gently grabbed him by his shirt, pulling him in for another kiss.
"You're welcome."
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buckevantommy Ā· 2 days ago
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Bucktommy Fixit where they reconnect next year and become friends - albeit ones who mostly converse via text and only really see each other on calls or running into each other at a bar etc. They donā€™t actually make plans to hang out, they just keep in touch. But keeping in touch turns into daily text conversations about anything and everything which turns into post-shift phonecalls at least once a week.
Meanwhile: Buck is casually dating, maybe more than one person, because heā€™s not looking to settle down right now heā€™s just looking to have some fun and meet some interesting people. But he starts dating one guy a little more seriously, to the point he stops dating others.
Also: Tommyā€™s been seeing a therapist. And doing art therapy. And trying his damndest not to turn into a sad lonely old man. It was a new yearā€™s resolution kind of thing. Heā€™d dated casually but soon realised it was better to just meet his base needs and focus on platonic relationships - like new friends and old friends, acquaintances and coworkers, and what little family he still talks to.Ā 
Someone asks how Buckā€™s new boyfriend feels about Buck texting his ex-boyfriend so much (and Buck has mixed feelings about all of that: having an ex-boyfriend and a second boyfriend makes him giddy and conflicted all at once). He starts to wonder if he shouldnā€™t be texting Tommy so much now that heā€™s dating someone properly. But he doesnā€™t get the same want to text his boyfriend about his work day or random things in his life, and when they do text itā€™s brief and he doesnā€™t respond to Buckā€™s rambling trains of thought the same way Tommy does. He thinks itā€™s fine. Not everyone is a texter. And Tommy is his friend and people text their friends all the time while dating or being married.
But itā€™s different when itā€™s an ex. And Buck hasnā€™t told his current boyfriend that the friend heā€™s always texting with is an ex. Not that current boyfriend is aware of how much theyā€™re texting or how often they talk on the phone. And current boyfriend knows Buckā€™s ex is called Tommy. And Buck always just says ā€˜a friendā€™ whenever current boyfriend asks who pinged him. Never ā€˜justā€™ a friend; Tommy will never be that for Buck, despite everything.
Things come to a head late one night after/during a rough shift or after a fight with Buckā€™s current boyfriend. Buck calls Tommy and vents because Tommy always lets him vent and always listens to what he has to say, and then he broaches what they havenā€™t discussed since reconnecting months ago: does Tommy ever think about where theyā€™d be right now if they were still together?Buck has taken responsibility for his part in moving too fast, but he wants to know more about Tommyā€™s headspace now compared to when things ended between them. Itā€™s curiousity in that ā€˜what ifā€™ sense, but he also wants to know how Tommy is really doing, if heā€™s opening himself up to people, letting himself be happy, be loved.
Thereā€™d been a closure type of conversation not long after they reconnected, with Tommy apologizing and being sincerely happy for Buck and mentioning how heā€™s been working on himself a lot in the time since. And buck was happy for him but Tommy held back on details about what exactly he was doing and what that meant for him and his future relationships. He wanted Tommy to want to tell him, so he didnā€™t pry, but he liked the idea of being a friend Tommy could be open and honest with.
ā€œEvan..ā€
Tommy knows he hates when he calls him ā€˜Buckā€™, but he never actually switched back to ā€˜Evanā€™, instead just kind of omitted saying his name altogether. Buck wonders what heā€™s listed as on Tommyā€™s phone. On Buckā€™s phone Tommy is ā€˜TKā€™, and heā€™s told more than one white lie to more than one nosey person that it was a firefighter friend from Texas - gay but happily married. He does keep in touch with T.K., but thereā€™s periods between his letters on Buckā€™s contact list.
Tommy already said heā€™s sorry. Heā€™s already told Buck it wasnā€™t his fault, that he wouldā€™ve ended things eventually even if they took their time with every step and thatā€™s on him, itā€™s his issues and his life, not Buckā€™s.
ā€œI canā€™t think about that.ā€
ā€œI think about it all the time.ā€
Buck has a boyfriend and heā€™s happy, but he thinks about his ex-boyfriend slash current friend and what they couldā€™ve looked like today if Buck had found a way to make Tommy believe he wanted all of him. He tells himself itā€™s to know himself better, to be better prepared and try harder next time. But heā€™s kidding himself if he says itā€™s not because he still has feelings for Tommy.
ā€œYou have a boyfriend.ā€
ā€œYeah.ā€
ā€œI just want you to be happy.ā€
And.. he is. He is happy with current boyfriend. But he was happy with Tommy. And he canā€™t help wondering if he was happier with Tommy than he is right now, or if Tommy was right and his excitement and wonder about being in a queer relationship got muddled up with how he felt about Tommy. He still doesnā€™t know. He wishes he knew.Ā 
ā€œI was happy with you.ā€ Tommy sighs over the line but Buck doensā€™t let him cut things off. ā€œI know you think it was puppy love, and that I didnā€™t know you well enough, but.ā€ But. He knows Tommy better now. Tommy has opened up to him as a friend, sharing personal details about himself and his past - not everything Buck wants to know and he never could bring himself to ask, but heā€™s learned things about Tommy in these past few months that he wishes heā€™d known when they were dating. And he wants to know more. He wants to know it all.Ā 
ā€œBut?ā€
ā€œSometimes, it works backwards.ā€ Sometimes you get to know someone and fall for them, and then you learn dark things about their past or get a better look at their emotional baggage or they go through a rough time. And some people break up because itā€™s too much or not what they wanted. But some people simply care more, and become stronger together for it. Buck wanted the chance to know Tommy better, to be there with him through the bad times. He never got to find out how things wouldā€™ve gone but he thinks he knows his own heart well enough to know he wouldnā€™t have abandoned or rejected or hated or been fed up with Tommy because he has a past or heā€™s imperfect or life threw some crap at him.
Buck knows people are more than they seem. He wants to see them for everything they are, to be trusted with that, the same way he wants to be seen in return and wanted anyway.
ā€œWhat does?ā€
ā€œLove.ā€
Sometimes, you love someone more after you learn the bad stuff - or what they think is bad - not less.
Buck breathes in as Tommy remains quiet.
ā€œI didnā€™t have to know all of you to love you, Tommy. And whatever you think about how I wouldā€™ve reacted to the things you didnā€™t share with me, youā€™re wrong. I know I wouldā€™ve loved you anyway. And not out of pity, or some misguided infatuation, but because knowing you better means getting to love more of you, it means loving you better.ā€
Tommy doesnā€™t respond, and when thereā€™s a bleep from Buckā€™s phone he thinks Tommy hung up - except he didnā€™t: itā€™s a facetime request. Theyā€™ve done this a few times before but only for something on a call or because it was easier for Buck to show Tommy what he was talking about in realtime rather than try to send through photos and videos.
Tommy fills his screen looking soft around the edges, hair and clothes and face bed-rumpled. His face is drawn into something that threatens to break Buckā€™s heart again; it beats in aching memory and yearns in equal measure. Youā€™re good, he wants to say, you donā€™t deserve what you put on yourself.
ā€œTommy..ā€
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silveryinkystar Ā· 11 months ago
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Say hi, ___!
DIMENSION 20: BURROW'S END (2023)
[ID in alt text]
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skelefun-art Ā· 9 months ago
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ok back to our regularly scheduled jesterdoll posting
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revvethasmythh Ā· 8 months ago
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tbh Iā€™ll always be a little salty about the fact that thereā€™s like 10 flagged and obvious parallels that frame Birdie as being a more sympathetic version of Liliana. and yet
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greatgoddyke Ā· 2 years ago
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forgot to post these whoops
#bonk.txt#exocolonist spoilers#pmmm spoilers#<- for exactly one of these lmao#exocolonist#teenage exocolonist#i was a teenage exocolonist#the only one of these that is like actually finished is the sol šŸ¤ homura one n the other two arent getting finished cause i got a new phon#so i no longer have like the files for them lmao#nomi nomi was drawn like the day before halloween i drew them cause i originally was gonna draw dys to go with them#cause their friendship means the world to me i love that dys chose to start wearing those gamer gaulets to match with nomi nomi#but this was pretty much as far as i got i changed the lineart color to purple cause it looked better but i dont have a good image of that1#the 'your parents named you' one was actually the first fanart i ever drew the original sketch of it was made like on september 16th ithink#n i worked on n off again for a week on it before deciding i didnt like it n never touched it again wait forgot to tag#undescribed#anyway the sol šŸ¤ homura run was drawn on october 20th cause i realized that the way i was playing the game i always maxxed out hearts with#tammy first n just generally took her side on everything n went wait a second#genuinely meant to post these a while ago after i got my new phone but forgot to asfjhejdjdj#none of these are in the same style cause im not consistent n have trouble drawing characters that arent my ocs#if u look for more than a second at sol šŸ¤ homura you'll notice i forgot to draw homura's other arm n i never fixed it#bonk.png
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spoofyleaf Ā· 2 years ago
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To make it worse I hike in flip flops/ slides,, which apparently makes people very upset
Trail thatā€™s marked closed for the season bc snow, ice, and flood season: pls donā€™t enter, thereā€™s other trails tho :D
Me, gay and determined: no I want to watch the waterfalls go brr, if I slip and fall, so be it
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the-acid-pear Ā· 1 year ago
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Dissociation is probably the easiest state of mind for me to notice. When any other matter is modifying my brain it's impossible for me to be sure if I'm experiencing it or not, but for dissociation is SOOO easy because I can just say my legal name and not feel weird and that just solves it šŸ‘
#luly talks#meant to post this like a week ago more than a week ago like a few months ago but i forgor šŸ’€#anyway bc i was walking and i started wondering if i was dissociating (difficult moment) so i just sid that#i thought of three basic things about me: full name; age; nationality#sometimes gender too#see sometimes it's hard to be trans when you also dissociate but its very different for me#one thing is dysphoria because when dysphoric its like. i see what i am and it makes me unhappy#but when dissociating its straight up. i see what i am but this is not me#like its not wrong in a way that you can change its wrong as if you were looking on those funny mirrors#not that exaggerated but its that feeling yknow?#anyway reminding myself of basic bits of info like name nationality gender age can help ground me#and im gonna sound a bit insaner here GO AWAY āš ļø LAST CHANCE#sometimes its counterproductive in a way because i say that information but that information is wrong it feels wrong and it shakes me up#because like i said i am im possession of Symptoms but they're very blurry because the VILLAIN aka antipsychotics#which made irreversible damage so its like. i feel like lm kicking someone out. or even like we lost track of who is who#there's no direct communication there's nothing solid physical its like being on a dark room and you can't recognize anyone its FOGGY#you can see the outline but how far will that take you? you are guessing. and if one is dissociating it tends to mean ALL are dissociating#aAnyway that was enough speech about the brain goodbye i have to sexualize that puppet now#brain stuff
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fatehbaz Ā· 2 years ago
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Good question:
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In the United States, many jails and prisons can and will charge you money for every single night that you spend imprisoned, for the entire duration of your incarceration, as if you were being billed for staying at a hotel. Even if you are incarcerated for years. Adding up to tens of thousands of dollars. What happens when youā€™re released?
In response to this:
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So.
Youā€™re getting charged, like, ten dollars every time you even submit a request form to possibly be seen by a doctor or dentist.
Youā€™re getting charged maybe five dollars for ten minutes on the phone.
Any time a friend or family tries to send you like five dollars so that you can buy some toothpaste or lotion, or maybe a snack from the commissary since youā€™re diabetic and theĀ ā€œmealsā€ have left you malnourished, maybe half of that money gets taken as aĀ ā€œservice feeā€ by the corporate contractor that the prison uses to manage your pre-paid debit card. So youā€™re already losing money every day just by being there.
What happens if you canā€™t pay?
In some places, after serving just a couple of years for drugs charges, almost 20 years after being released, the state can still hunt you down for over $80,000 that you ā€œoweā€ as if it were a per-night room-and-board accommodations charge, like this recent highly-publicized case in Connecticut:
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Excerpt:
Two decades after her release from prison, [TB] feels she is still being punished. When her mother died two years ago, the state of Connecticut put a lien on the Stamford home she and her siblings inherited. It said she owed $83,762 to cover the cost of her 2 1/2 year imprisonment for drug crimes. [...] ā€œIā€™m about to be homeless,ā€ said [TB], 58, who in March [2022] became the lead plaintiff in a lawsuit challenging the state law that charges prisoners $249 a day for the cost of their incarceration. [...] All but two states have so-called ā€œpay-to-stayā€ laws that make prisoners pay for their time behind bars [...]. Critics say itā€™s an unfair second penalty that hinders rehabilitation by putting former inmates in debt for life. Efforts have been underway in some places to scale back or eliminate such policies. Two states ā€” Illinois and New Hampshire ā€” have repealed their laws since 2019. [...] Pay-to-stay laws were put into place in many areas during the tough-on-crime era of the 1980s and ā€™90s, said Brittany Friedman, an assistant professor of sociology at University of Southern California who is leading a study of the practice. [...] Connecticut used to collect prison debt by attaching an automatic lien to every inmate, claiming half of any financial windfall they might receive for up to 20 years after they are released from prison [...].
Text by: Pat Eaton-Robb. ā€œAt $249 per day, prison stays leave ex-inmates deep in debt.ā€ AP News / The Associated Press. 27 August 2022.
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Look at this:
To help her son, Cindy started depositing between $50 to $100 a week into Matthewā€™s account, money he could use to buy food from the prison commissary, such as packaged ramen noodles, cookies, or peanut butter and jelly to make sandwiches. Cindy said sending that money wasnā€™t necessarily an expense she could afford. ā€œNo one can,ā€ she said. So far in the past month, she estimates she sent Matthew close to $300. But in reality, he only received half of that amount. The balance goes straight to the prison to pay off the $1,000 in ā€œrentā€ that the prison charged Matthew for his prior incarceration. [...] A PA Post examination of six county budgets (Crawford, Dauphin, Lebanon, Lehigh, Venango and Indiana) showed that those countiesā€™ prisons have collected more than $15 million from inmates ā€” almost half is for daily room and board fees that are meant to cover at least a portion of the costs with housing and food. Prisoners who donā€™t work are still expected to pay. If they donā€™t, their bills are sent to collections agencies, which can report the debts to credit bureaus. [...] Between 2014 and 2017, the Indiana County Prison ā€” which has an average inmate population of 87 people ā€” collected nearly $3 million from its prisoners. In the past five years, Lebanonā€™s jail collected just over $2 million in housing and processing fees.
Text by: Joseph Darius Jaafari. ā€œPaying rent to your jailers: Inmates are billed millions of dollars for their stays in Pa. prisons.ā€ WHYY (PBS). 10 December 2019. Originally published at PA Post.
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Pay-to-stay, the practice of charging people to pay for their own jail or prison confinement, is being enforced unfairly by using criminal, civil and administrative law, according to a new Rutgers University-New Brunswick led study. The study [...] finds that charging pay-to-stay fees is triggered by criminal justice contact but possible due to the co-opting of civil and administrative institutions, like social service agencies and state treasuries that oversee benefits, which are outside the realm of criminal justice. ā€œA person can be charged $20 to $80 a day for their incarceration,ā€ said author Brittany Friedman, an assistant professor of sociology and a faculty affiliate of Rutgers' criminal justice program. ā€œThat per diem rate can lead to hundreds of thousands of dollars in fees when a person gets out of prison. To recoup fees, states use civil means such as lawsuits and wage garnishment against currently and formerly incarcerated people, and regularly use administrative means such as seizing employment pensions, tax refunds and public benefits to satisfy the debt.ā€ [...] Civil penalties are enacted on family members if the defendant cannot pay and in states such as Florida, Nevada and Idaho can occur even after the original defendant is deceased. [...]
Text by: Megan Schumann. ā€œStates Unfairly Burdening Incarcerated People With ā€œPay-to-Stayā€ Fees.ā€ Rutgers press release. 20 November 2020.
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So, to pay for your own imprisonment, states can:
-- hunt you down for decades (track you down 20 years later, charge you tens of thousands of dollars, and take your house away)
-- put a lien on your vehicle, house
-- garnish your paycheck/wages
-- seize your tax refund
-- send collections agencies after you
-- take your public assistance benefits
-- sue you in civil court
-- take money from your family even after youā€™re dead
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pucksandpower Ā· 1 year ago
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can i request charles leclerc x singer!reader when reader is basically taylor swift and their relationship is like her and travis kelce šŸ„¹šŸ„¹ also charles telling his fellow drivers but they dont believe him until THE taylor swift!reader is in the paddock kissing him
IF ITS NOT TOO MUCH HASSLE OFC
Charles Leclerc x pop star!Reader - Social Media AU
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kymillman
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Liked by charles_leclerc, y/nupdates, and 492,815 others
kymillman Y/N MAKES HER PADDOCK DEBUT
Miss Americana arrives at the Circuit of the Americas and receives no less fanfare than the drivers themselves. Y/N Y/L/N will be singing The Star-Spangled Banner before the race later today!
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leclercbae this was only posted two minutes ago and charles has already managed to like it? must be a new record even for him
enchantedtifosa the devil works hard but charles ā€œy/n y/l/nā€™s biggest fanā€ leclerc works harder šŸ«”
leclercupdates did anyone else see the video of charles spotting y/n walking into the paddock as he was exiting the ferrari motorhome?
f1girlie he turned around to go back inside so fast that the automatic door didnā€™t even have time to open and he slammed his forehead into the glass šŸ˜­
scuderialeclerc charles is trying (and failing miserably) to hide that heā€™s fangirling harder than anyone has ever fangirled before
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y/nupdates
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Liked by f1wagupdates, ferrarinews, and 683,294 others
y/nupdates Y/N Y/L/N attending the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix as a guest of Scuderia Ferrari today
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lightsoutleclerc crossover of the freaking year
fearlessferrari decade
tifositwilight century
leclercmidnights millennium
f1wagupdates how crazy would it be if the rumors are true and y/n really is at the race because sheā€™s dating charles?
mirrorballeclerc being delulu is the solulu but even my delulu has limits šŸ˜‚
f1wagupdates well it seems that my delulu is actually trululu
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f1wagupdates
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Liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername, and 1,085,793 others
f1wagupdates This week one year ago, Charles Leclerc attended The Eras Tour as a fan just like the rest of us. Today, Charles Leclerc proudly kissed Y/N Y/L/N after winning the Azerbaijan Grand Prix. King of our hearts and king of manifesting šŸ‘‘
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charles_leclerc what if i told you iā€™m a mastermind? and now youā€™re mine
yourusername what if i told you none of it was accidental? and the first night that you saw me i knew i wanted your body
charles_leclerc once upon a time, the planets and the fates and all the stars aligned
yourusername you and i ended up in the same room at the same time
f1wagupdates i have managed to run this account for five years without getting jealous but this might be my breaking point
tifositears god really saw how much pain ferrari was putting charles through and decided to make his biggest dream come true as an apology
formurrari he deserved it after 2023
charles_leclerc and i would suffer through another season of driving the SF-23 and every single horrible strategy call again if it meant getting to call y/n my own
yourusername i love you šŸ„¹
charles_leclerc i love you more ā¤ļø
yourusername i love you most šŸ«¶
charles_leclerc i love you mostest šŸ˜˜
landonorris OKAY WE GET IT
charles_leclerc be nice to me or iā€™ll tell y/n to take away your tickets to her next show
landonorris ā€¦ carry on
pierregasly also king of never shutting up about his girlfriend
charles_leclerc and proud of it
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likeumeanit9497 Ā· 5 months ago
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just like that | m.s. |
matt sturniolo x fem!reader
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based on this request :))
summary: after dating for four months without having sex, y/n finally decides that she's ready to take matt for a ride
warnings: smut; established relationship; unprotected p in v; oral (fem receiving); riding; mentions of questionable consent (NOT with matt dw); dirty talk; 18+
notes: damn i completely forgot about this im so sorry:/ i've just been so busy over the past week or so it completely went under the radar. def not my best work (i wrote it all today), but i wanted to get it up because i'm going on a trip through europe for 6 (SIX???!!?!?!) weeks and will probably not be able to post much when im there. anyways i hope u all enjoy!!
p.s. working on one more fic that i would LOVE to post before i leave tomorrow, if not it might be a while before im able to write again :/ it's gonna be a good one for the matt girlies though so keep ur eyes peeled ;)
ā”€ āŠ¹ āŠ± ā˜† āŠ° āŠ¹ ā”€
ā€œDo you want anything from the kitchen baby?ā€ Mattā€™s soft voice in my ear pulled me from the lull I was in, curled up beside him on the couch watching a movie. My drooping eyes fluttered open and I couldnā€™t help but smile once I came face-to-face with my beautiful boyfriend. The late-August sun was setting, and it shone through the living room windows in just the way that made Mattā€™s gorgeous blue eyes almost transparent; a harsh contrast to his dark eyelashes and tidy beard. He was looking at me with such unclouded care, the way he always did, and it never failed to make my heart flutter.
Matt and I had met on social media about six months ago, and started dating just two months after that. Our earliest conversations online had consisted of occasionally discussing our shared interest in pretty embarrassing hobbies ā€” playing Minecraft, journaling, and watching rom-coms to name a few ā€” but those occasional conversations evolved into staying up all night messaging each other, multiple-hour long Facetime calls, and eventually meeting at a restaurant for our first date.
Although it hadnā€™t been long since we started dating, Mattā€™s soul was one that I felt like Iā€™ve known all my life. Never before had I felt more at home around another person than I did once I met him, and his presence in my life gave it a new level of stability that didnā€™t exist before. I had dated a guy in high school for almost two years, but the quality in the time spent with Matt versus him was incomparable. I was sure that Matt was the person that I was meant to be with, and everyday he did something new to prove that to be true without even trying.
Another thing that I loved so much about Matt was that, even after months of dating, he hasnā€™t once pushed me to have sex with him. In one of our early conversations, I had told him that my ex had always made me feel bad when I would turn down sex with him. While him and IĀ didĀ have sex a few times during our relationship, I had since come to terms with the fact that I really was just doing it to make him happy. Once Matt got over his immediate anger for me, he had sat me down and told me that he could wait forever, but that he wonā€™t have sex with me unless I tell him Iā€™m ready.
That was months ago, and still, he has kept his promise. While we have done plenty of other things in bed, he has always made it a point to stop everything before it gets to the point of sex. At first, I felt riddled with guilt because I felt like IĀ shouldĀ want to have sex with my boyfriend ā€”especially one so kindhearted as Matt ā€” but over time that guilt has fizzled out from Mattā€™s reassuring words and actions. He never ever put me in situations that he knew had the potential to make me uncomfortable, and wouldnā€™t allow me to feel bad about it either.
Lately, though, I had been feeling slightly different. While before, I would squirm at the thought of anything more happening once Mattā€™s hand would slip out of my panties, now I feel a slight tightening in my stomach at the idea of more. And before, I would feel a certain level of nervousness as I felt the weight of his member in my hand, where now there is a flutter in my core at the thought of that same part of him filling me up.
Never before in my life had I felt any of these feelings, and I didnā€™t quite know what to do with them. I was afraid of the abundance of dirty thoughts that flooded my own head constantly, and I realized that I was ready for more, but only with Matt. I had been contemplating on telling him this for the past week, but as I watched him walk back over to me on the couch in nothing but baggy grey sweats ā€” the black ink of his tattoos hypnotizing me ā€” my body reacted in such a way that let me know that tonight was the night.
ā€œHere, I know you didnā€™t say you wanted anything but I grabbed you a water anyways. I havenā€™t seen you drink any yet today and you-ā€ I cut Mattā€™s rambling off by climbing on top of his lap as soon as he was back on the couch; wrapping my arms around his neck and planting a deep kiss to his pink lips. He responded with a soft hum against my lips before wrapping his own arms around the small of my back. I opened my mouth slightly before pressing it against his again and moving them in a slow but passionate rhythm. Matt quickly followed suit, slipping his tongue through my parted lips before using it to explore my mouth. I fluttered my eyes open for a brief moment and caught a glimpse of Mattā€™s most beautiful features up close ā€” lidded eyes, flushed cheeks, straight eyebrows ā€” and released a satisfied sigh against his mouth.
I ran my hands through his soft brown hair, tugging slightly at the ends and eliciting a soft gasp from him as I felt my body flood with arousal. His hands travelled up and down my back, his firm yet somehow delicate touch a comfort that eased my nerves. From my place on his lap, I could feel a growing hardness against my ass. This wasnā€™t uncommon, obviously, but in the past I usually pretended to ignore it pressing against me. This time however, I rolled my hips up and down, feeling it slide against my aching core. ā€œBaby.ā€ Mattā€™s voice was barely above a whisper against my lips, but the combination of shock and arousal was still evident in its tone as he grabbed firmly onto my forearms to hold me still.
I detached my mouth from his while still keeping our faces just centimetres apart. His breath was rapid, but so was mine as we stayed like that for a moment; wild eyed and equally uncertain. Finally, I repeated my action by grinding my hips against his clothed shaft; this time watching as his eyes rolled back slightly in pleasure. ā€œY/n, what are you doing?ā€ He mumbled, clearly wavering between making sure I was okay and wanting desperately for more. I continued grinding my hips against him, my mouth dropping open as I felt his shaft reach my nerves. ā€œI want you Matt.ā€ I whispered, and I watched as his eyes widened in shock; pupils dilated. ā€œWhat do you mean?ā€ He asked hesitantly, brushing his knuckles softly against my arms.
ā€œI mean, Iā€™m ready. Ready to have sex again.ā€ I blurted out, feeling my face immediately flush in equal parts nervousness and arousal as I waited for him to respond. His face was unreadable as he clearly tried to gauge whether or not I was serious. That was confirmed once he finally spoke. ā€œA-are you sure? I donā€™t want you to think just because Iā€™m hard we have to do anything, baby.ā€ I felt his dick twitch in between my legs as he spoke, and it shot electricity down my spine. ā€œI know Matt, but I really am sure.ā€ I responded, running my hands up and down his bare chest and leaving a trail of goosebumps in my path.
He continued to stare at me, his eyes travelling wildly across my face; clearly still in a state of uncertainty. I, on the other hand, was growing more and more frustrated by the moment as the heat continued to grow between my legs. ā€œGive me your hand.ā€ I stated, and he obliged; placing his much larger hand in my own. I guided his hand down to the waistband of my sweatpants, inside of the material, and finally slid it against my dripping wet core. Intaking a sharp breath from the contact, I watched his face as it immediately darkened once he felt my arousal coat his fingertips.
ā€œSee? I told you Iā€™m ready,ā€ I leaned forward slightly, bringing my lips to his exposed collarbone and kissing it wetly. ā€œSo please Matt, can you fuck me?ā€ The room stayed silent for a beat, the only sounds being our ragged breathing, and I felt fear begin to trickle down my spine; worried that Matt might reject me. Just as I was about to retract everything I had just said, Mattā€™s hand snaked to the back of my head, guiding it up from his chest before crashing his lips onto mine.
I deepened the kiss immediately, feeling a mutual level of desperation like a surge of electricity between our lips that had never been there before. Mattā€™s hands began traveling all across my writhing body ā€” taking his time on the curves of my ass ā€” before planting firmly on my hips where he helped them grind against his rock hard member. Breathy, almost silent moans fell from both of our lips as our bodies slid against each other, and the deep-rooted sensation was taunting.
Mattā€™s hands slithered from my hips up to the bottom of my t-shirt, where he toyed with the material for a moment before detaching his lips from mine. ā€œCan I take this off?ā€ He asked, glazed eyes staring longingly into my own. I nodded, and without a momentā€™s hesitation my vision was blocked for a brief second by Matt peeling the fabric over my head and tossing it to the side. Once my vision returned, my view was of Mattā€™s hungry eyes glued to my bare chest.
Matt had seen my tits countless times before throughout our relationship, but at this moment it was like he was seeing them for the very first time. Mouth slightly parted, his breathing was ragged as he brought both hands to my chest and cupped my tits delicately between them; pushing them together slightly and brushing a thumb along each nipple. I hissed at the feeling, and that seemed to pull him from his trance, as his eyes immediately shot up to mine. ā€œThis okay baby?ā€ He asked, and I nodded my head wildly.
A smirk toyed at the corners of his mouth before he attached it to my left nipple. I released short moans as he sucked and nibbled it gently, still pressing my core against his throbbing shaft. I felt myself falling deeper and deeper into a trance that I had never experienced before, and it was like my body and mind had completely separated as I mindlessly tugged desperately at the waistband of his sweats. Catching on to my gesture, Matt shifted slightly below me before using one of his hands to haphazardly pull his sweats down slightly; allowing his cock to spring up in between my legs.
I gasped at the sight before me, only now realizing its true size with it between my legs and feeling just a tinge of excited fear trying to figure out just how it was going to fit inside of me. Shaking the thought from my mind, I collected a pool of saliva in my mouth before spitting it in my hand and bringing it down to his shaft.
Running my thumb along his slit, I felt his whole body shudder below me from the contact. I began pumping my hand up and down his length; spending extra time twisting my wrist around his sensitive tip, and watched as his mouth went slack on my tits. ā€œMmm, keep doing it just like that baby.ā€ He muttered against my plump skin, and I continued to work his cock in my hand while simultaneously grinding my core against its base. Just knowing that I was making him feel good was makingĀ meĀ feel good, and my eyes rolled to the back of my head in pleasure.
After a few short moments, I felt Mattā€™s hands snake to the waist band of my own sweats. My eyes found his again, and I watched as they searched my face. ā€œYouā€™re sure you want this, Y/n?ā€ He asked, his voice gentle but laced with a huskiness that could only be explained as pure desire. I nodded desperately once again, feeling so pathetic but not capable of giving a shit. ā€œIā€™m sure baby, please.ā€ My voice had a slight whine to it, making my frantic need even more evident.
Planting a soft kiss to my lips, he grabbed firmly onto my sweats and began peeling them off of my body. I lifted my hips up slightly to assist him in this, and once I dropped them back down, I hissed from the feeling of my bare core against his cock. ā€œMatty, I need you right now.ā€ I practically cried out, leaning my body forward and planting nibbles and kisses along his exposed neck. The suspense was torturous, my body only just now recognizing how badly it was craving his.
His hands cupped my ass, and he used his grip to lift me just a couple inches off of him. I felt him spread me open slightly before dragging a finger once again against my aching folds. ā€œMmm, so wet for me baby.ā€ I released a breathy moan at the combination of his touch and words, and squirmed in his grasp. ā€œIā€™ll help you get it in, but I want you on top. That way you can take it as slow as you need to, okay?ā€ His voice softened as he spoke, and his hands massaged me gently causing me to physically relax. ā€œO-okay.ā€ I muttered, so turned on that I was willing to do just about anything he wanted me to.
Just then, he placed a soft kiss to my lips before I felt the very tip of his cock brush against my opening; causing me to gasp. ā€œShh, itā€™s okay baby. Iā€™ll go slow.ā€ He whispered in my ear, and I pressed my forehead into the crook of his neck in anticipation. Finally, I felt my walls begin to expand as he pressed the first few inches into me. Moaning at the sensation, I felt my whole body flush in immediate lust. As if they had a mind of their own, my hips subconsciously began lowering onto his shaft; taking more and more of him as I sunk down.
A moan fell from his lips as my walls enveloped him inch by inch, and I slowly lifted my head from his neck and straightened my body up to allow more of him to fill me up. Even though he was big and I hadnā€™t had a dick in me in a long time, my slick arousal allowed him to bottom out without causing me to feel any pain; only indescribable pleasure. Once every inch of him was in me, I stayed still for a moment looking down at him. His desire was plastered across every inch of his face, and it made him look impossibly beautiful. There was no fear in me in that moment, only want, and so I began riding him.
As soon as I propelled my body up and down his shaft just once, I felt a pit of arousal begin to grow in my stomach. Groaning in pleasure, I continued with my moments; holding onto his shoulders to keep my trembling body stable. ā€œMmm you feel so good baby.ā€ Matt moaned out, his eyes never leaving my pinched face. After a while, my body adjusted completely to his size and I was able to increase my speed. As I slid my walls up and down his shaft, Matt gripped onto my ass with all his might, using his hands to help me maintain my speed.
Moans fell from my lips as his cock ruthlessly hit my g-spot, and I felt my lower stomach build in pressure. ā€œFuck.ā€ I muttered under my breath, feeling my skin go flush from the heat of the moment. The room filled with the echo of our wet skin slapping against each other, adding to the erotic air around us. Prolonged strings of moans fell aimlessly from my lips, and as I came closer and closer to my impending climax I began struggling to maintain my movements.
Matt seemed to pick up on this, as he adjusted his hips and began pounding into me from below; his hands holding me in place where I just clung onto him for dear life. ā€œF-fuck Matty, like that. S-so good.ā€ I cried out, my voice choppy from his rapid movements. My brain melted into a pool of liquid as all I could think about was reaching my high that was just out of reach. ā€œYouā€™re taking me so good baby.ā€ Matt groaned out as he continued driving his length into me, staring deeply into my eyes with a fogged over expression.
ā€œI-I think Iā€™m gonna ā€” oh god, think Iā€™m g-gonna cum Matt.ā€ My eyes rolled to the back of my head and I dug my nails into his shoulder blades, struggling to give into this new overwhelming sensation bubbling up inside of me. At this, a guttural moan fell from his lips and he somehow increased the speed of his thrusts even more. ā€œWant you to cum around me baby, please.ā€ There was a desperate whine to his voice as he spoke through his shortness of breath, and it was enough for me to reach my climax. Legs shaking, I released a plethora of moans and curses as my body was hit with multiple waves of indescribable pleasure. ā€œGood girl, feels so good honey.ā€ Mattā€™s voice was soft in my ear, and it helped to bring me back to earth as my hurricane of an orgasm left my body in shambles.
I continued to bounce on Mattā€™s dick slowly as I attempted to regain what little composure I had before my orgasm stole it from me, but I quickly learned that all of my energy had been stripped away. My body was trembling uncontrollably, and my head was filled with a fog that made it difficult for me to stay upright. Matt caught on to this, as he planted his hands firmly on my hips, keeping me still, before reaching forward and kissing me deeply. ā€œYou tired, baby?ā€ He asked gently, rubbing circles on my sensitive skin. Sheepishly, I nodded, and Matt didnā€™t hesitate before guiding me off of his lap and helping me lay down on the couch.
As soon as my head hit the soft material, I felt my body immediately begin to relax again. I watched from my place on the couch as Matt began to slowly crawl over to me, before leaning above me. ā€œYou did so good baby,ā€ He brought his lips to my chest and began dropping soft kisses against my skin, ā€œNow,ā€ His mouth travelled from my chest down to my stomach, ā€œI want you to just lay here and relax,ā€ He continued to move his lips down my stomach to my hips, ā€œLet me make you feel good, okay?ā€ His face was now hovering above my swollen heat, and I couldnā€™t help but nod frantically, feeling a sudden need to have his mouth on me.
Matt situated his body so that he could lay down with his face still just above my core. He brought both of his hands to my folds and I flinched as he used his thumbs to spread them apart slightly; exposing my bundle of nerves to the air. My vision partially skewed by his hair flopping in front of his eyes, I watched in awe as he brought his mouth closer and closer to where I needed it the most; before immediately gasping in pleasure once I felt his warm tongue make contact with my clit.
Immediately, Matt got to work in swirling his tongue in expert circles on my overstimulated nerves. This sensation in combination with his rough beard against my inner thighs was so intense it was almost painful in the best way possible, and I was incapable of controlling the throaty moans that fell from my lips as I watched him devour me entirely. Matt then used his mouth to suck on my nerves, bringing forward yet another new sensation that drove me crazy. It felt so unbelievably good, my hands flew to his hair where I held firmly; doing everything in my power to keep him in place. ā€œOh yeah baby, please, just like that.ā€ I struggled to get the words out through my constant gasps of pleasure, but it was clear that they didnā€™t fall on deaf ears as Matt moaned in pleasured acknowledgement against my heat and kept his rhythm and pressure the exact same.
Feeling another orgasm begin to bear its teeth in my stomach, it was like my hips grew a mind of their own because as soon as Matt brought his hands under my ass to lift me slightly up on the couch; I began grinding my heat against his eager mouth. ā€œFuck.ā€ He moaned against my clit as he continued to greedily suck and lick my nerves. I squeezed my eyes shut as a whine escaped my lips from an approaching orgasm, the pleasure that his mouth was giving me was too much. ā€œS-stop baby.ā€ I said suddenly, to which he immediately detached his mouth from me and I watched as his eyes scanned my fucked out face. ā€œWhatā€™s wrong? You want to stop?ā€ He seemed so concerned, clearly worried that he had somehow crossed a boundary, and it caused my chest to flutter. ā€œN-no. Itā€™s just, I was gonna cum again.ā€ He raised a quizzical eyebrow, clearly confused by how that might be a problem. ā€œIā€¦I want to cum with you.ā€ I finally said, and watched as his facial expression changed from one of concern back to one filled with lust.
He smiled quickly before dragging his body up my own, planting occasional kisses along my body on his way. Once he reached my head, he immediately began kissing me passionately, slipping his tongue through my parted lips and allowing me to taste myself on his mouth. Pulling away, I noticed my arousal laced throughout his beard, and that along with his pink swollen lips fresh off of my heat was enough to make my head spin. Just then, I felt him line his shaft up with my entrance, and immediately gasped out when he slid it in completely. Before moving at all, Matt took a moment to gaze down at my destroyed face before grabbing my legs and wrapping them around his waist. He then leaned forward and propped himself on his forearms on either side of my head; slipping a hand through my hair and grabbing onto it gently.
After noticing my body relax, he finally began thrusting into me. Starting off slow and deep, he gradually increased his speed until he was pounding his inches deep into me at a rapid pace. Already being close to cumming, I struggled to get a grip on my thoughts as the pleasure of the moment pulled me deeper and deeper into a world of euphoria. ā€œYouā€™re so tight sweetheart.ā€ He muttered through his grunts, and I felt my eyes roll to the back of my head at his words. ā€œF-feels so good Matty.ā€ I managed to reply, tightening my legs around his waist as I tried everything I could to hold off my orgasm.
Mattā€™s hand snaked through my hair before he grabbed onto my cheek, brushing it gently with his thumb as he stared at me with a gaze so intense that it was almost intimidating. ā€œI-Iā€™m close Y/n.ā€ He nearly whispered, and I felt his pace begin to slow slightly as he began to be overtaken by his own orgasm. My eyebrows knitted together as I felt my walls began to break. ā€œM-me too.ā€ I replied, wrapping my hands tightly around his biceps to keep me grounded. ā€œAh fuck, Iā€™m cumming baby.ā€ His erotic words were followed by a string of animalistic grunts as he drove his cock in and out of me ā€” slow but hard ā€” and it was like my body was waiting to hear those words as my second orgasm immediately ran through me like a freight train.
My breathy moans harmonized with his deep ones, and I felt my walls contract around his shaft; milking his dick as it painted them white. My legs were wrapped so tightly around his waist, he was barely able to move them as we both rode the waves of our intense pleasure. As my orgasm continued to tear through me, my back arched off of the couch and my body trembled. From above me, Matt watched me writhe in bliss as his movements completely stopped. As I finally began coming down from my high, I felt his hand brush through my hair affectionately, and watched as his face turned up in a smile before he placed a deep kiss to my lips.
He gently pulled his cock out of me, causing me to wince from the raw pain, before laying beside me on the couch and pulling me into him. Face to face, we stared lovingly at each other for a moment; my mind still spinning from how good he had made me feel, and in that moment I was worried that my heart might explode. His blissed expression told me that he was feeling the same, and his hand delicately rubbing the small of my back confirmed it. ā€œAre you okay?ā€ He finally asked, minor concern visible on his beautiful face. ā€œIā€™m more than okay.ā€ I answered honestly with a chuckle, causing him to laugh in relief as well. ā€œI think I actually love sex.ā€ I continued, causing him to really laugh this time before planting a kiss on my sweat-beaded forehead. ā€œWell I think I actually loveĀ you.ā€
ā”€ āŠ¹ āŠ± ā˜† āŠ° āŠ¹ ā”€
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wileys-russo Ā· 27 days ago
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Alessia Russo, ā€œi missed hearing your voice..ā€, late night phone callĀ 
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kiss me through the phone II a.russo
you sighed tiredly in utter defeat as you tapped your phone for easily the tenth time in the half hour you'd be laying here staring at the back of your eyelids, leaning over and flicking your bedside lamp on.
there was no point in laying in complete darkness by yourself when you weren't sleeping anytime soon.
your girlfriend was away on camp and though normally you struggled a little to sleep without her since the two of you had moved in together and it became a comfort you took for granted, this week had been especially hard.
you'd recently gotten a promotion at work and though the salary bump and your own office and parking spot was much appreciated, the extra responsibilities of running your own team which included unpaid overtime to pick up the slack wasn't.
you loved what you were doing though and as much as alessia was concerned you were burning yourself out even she knew her pleas for you to do anything else were fruitless.
but it all meant come friday night and you were always utterly shattered, wishing for nothing more than to just curl up in your girlfriends arms with a glass of wine and some takeaway.
but it was friday night and you'd eaten cold leftovers alone, drank an entire bottle of white, started 3 movies grown bored and flicked to another, and now you lay here awake, only ten at night but exhausted, however almost too tired to sleep.
you doom scrolled your social media's for a while, smiling seeing alessia's face pop up on a lionesses post from today, sharing it to your story like the proud girlfriend you were.
all of your social media's were private bar your friends and family, the world knew you were with alessia but the two of you kept your relationship as much to yourselves as you could, and you loved that some aspects of it were only just for the two of you.
like right now where normally you'd be laid down together with limbs entangled, her head on your chest and your fingers raking through her freshly washed hair, likely watching a movie she'd picked though you knew she'd be asleep not even a half an hour in.
however it would appear that small share to your story had alerted someone to you being awake as within not even thirty seconds of it posting an incoming facetime call from your girlfriend popped up.
"hi baby." you smiled happily, clicking accept as a beat passed and the call connected, alessia's face now smiling right back at you. "you're up! why didn't you call me?" the blonde frowned and you chuckled at the small pout on her lips.
"because you said you were going to watch a movie with some of the girls babe, and you know how territorial ella gets about your little camp movie nights." you laughed as her pout deepened. "okay. but the movie finished an hour ago and we're both awake now so why weren't we talking?" she argued with a huff, eyebrows knitted together which was more adorable than intimidating despite the fact she was easily two heads taller than you.
"well russo if you'd like an answer to that would you like to check our messages to see who the last one to reply was?" you teased with a chuckle, alessia's eyes widening as she clicked out of the facetime to do just that.
"hey it was you! don't make me worry like that." her face popped back up now with a scowl. "yes because again you know how ella gets about her movie nights, do you remember when she used to lock our phones in the spare room in manchester?" you laughed pulling a face as alessia sighed.
"god don't remind me, she's just as bad here she sat on grace last night because she kept asking questions when we were trying to watch something." alessia grimaced at the memory as you grinned.
"so how was your evening with the girls baby? tell me about it." you requested, adjusting your position and resting your phone against the pillow which was normally alessia's, laying down a little more to get comfortable.
"mm well we actually had a games night instead, tooney lost the vote for a movie and she was not happy! you remember the rec room from when you last visited SGP for family day right?" alessia checked as you hummed with a small nod.
"so they split us up into teams and of course i got stuck with little miss ella can't take a loss toone." alessia rolled her eyes making you laugh as alessia rattled off the rest of her team and all their little quirks such as leah can't take a joke williamson, and beth can't take anything seriously mead.
"first up was blackjack. won it of course!" alessia paused to brush some imaginary dirt off her shoulders cockily as you chuckled, eyes starting to feel just a little more heavy, comforted by the familiar sound of your girlfriends voice, almost able to imagine she was right beside you in bed.
"ugh then we played twister...that got messy!" alessia whistled with a wince, recalling how half the girls had wound up in a crumpled heap on the floor, poor hempo and jess park crushed beneath them.
"hey baby you look shattered." alessia stopped her story as she paused to look at you, eyes half closed as they suddenly snapped back awake.
"i missed hearing your voice. please keep talking?" you requested softly as alessia melted, echoing that she missed you too as you moved to prop your head up on your hand.
"then we played jenga and beth got us disqualified for cheating!" alessia scoffed with a roll of her eyes. "what did she do?" you questioned with a tired smile, eyes drooping for a moment before you exhaled and shook your head to wake up a little.
"kicked the table 'subtly' and knocked the whole tower over, millie tackled her to the ground and smacked her round cause she was about to win." alesia laughed softly in amusement, though mostly at the fact you were half asleep than the story she was telling.
"well then we played darts." alessia again winced, peaking your curiosity despite your fast fading state, humming encouragingly to show you were still listening.
"maya accidentally hit grace with a dart, she threw one back and hit ella, ella tried to go after grace and stepped on a dart dropped by beth and well...it sort of became a free for all acupuncture session until the staff stepped in and shut everything down." alessia recounted grimacing and rubbing her arm where even she'd copped a few rogue pricks.
"sounds more like a girls trip than a work camp." you teased sleepily, slurring your words slightly making your girlfriend smile adoringly.
"baby go to sleep. you're beautiful and i love you very much but you are exhausted!" alessia spoke softly as your head suddenly dropped, your hand giving out as you perked up again.
"no no i just dozed off less honest, please keep talking. what's on your training agenda for tomorrow?" you sighed, firmly in denial despite your eyes still slotting closed again.
you hummed as alessia began to recount her schedule for her tomorrow, watching on with a soft lovesick smile as your breathing evened out and you eventually stopped responding all together, finally asleep.
"my gorgeous stubborn girl." alessia mumbled to herself with a playful roll of her eyes reaching out to hang up, finger hesitating by the screen.
dropping her hand she smiled, flicking off the lamp and moving her phone to the other pillow, settling into bed and kissing her fingers, pressing them against the screen as her own eyes slotted closed, the two of you falling asleep together despite being miles apart.
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yoonia Ā· 10 months ago
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A Christmas Fix ā€” 01 (m) | kth
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āŸ¶Ā Summary |Ā One-night stands are supposed to be nothing more than just. It shouldnā€™t have involved seeing those two red lines looking back at you weeks later without a name or a contact number linking you back to your mystery man. Nothing more but his face. The unforgettable face that would sometimes appear in your dreams at night. So unforgettable that you immediately recognise him the moment he walks into your family home at Christmas, hand-in-hand with your older stepsister.
With special collab prompt: "the holidays aren't so bad with you around."
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āŸ¶Ā Title | A Christmas Fix
āŸ¶Ā Pairings |Ā Taehyung x female reader
āŸ¶Ā Genre |Ā Secret Baby!au, Second Chance!au, Strangers to Lovers!au
āŸ¶Ā Ratings & Warnings |Ā +18 / M for Mature;Ā including: alcohol consumption, mentions of pregnancy, vomiting/morning sickness, surprise babies, miscommunication, profanities/swearing, minor body insecurities (implied), some family drama; involves multiple explicit sex scenes, including: sexual tension, one night stand, drunk sex (with clear consent), minor dom/sub dynamic, brat!reader, size kink, rough sex, light choking, restraint, hair pulling (M, F), protected & unprotected sex, fingering (F), oral sex (F), clit play, breast play, stripping, biting, minor hand job/groping, grinding, masturbation (M, F), dirty talk, implied pain kink, praise kink, body worship, marking, multiple orgasms (M, F), overstimulation.
āŸ¶Ā Word count |Ā 25,363 words (of 54,773 words)
āŸ¶Ā Story Notes | Part of the Jingle All the Way collaboration with @leahsfavefics, @kithtaehyung, @kpopfanfictrash, @cybrsan, and @sugaurora | Written in 2nd person POV (in case youā€™re new to my writing, I donā€™t use ā€˜y/nā€™ coding as all of my lead characters are considered as OCs) | Moodboard was done by me | Posted in: January 31st, 2024 by @yoonia
āŸ¶Ā Author Notes | I know that this is so late, but December has always been a rough month for me and this time it continued until January. I hope you can still enjoy this story regardless. Happy belated holidays and happy new year, my loves!
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āŸ¶ Jingle All the Way collab masterlist | A Christmas Fix: next chapter ā‡¢
āŸ¶ Main Masterlist | Taglist | Feedback | Mailbox | Ko-fi
āŸ¶ Read on AO3
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One month agoā€¦
You already had everything perfectly planned out when you first thought of this trip some long months ago.Ā 
Everything.Ā 
From your personal bucket list full of wonderful things that you wanted to experience during your time away and the places that you wanted to see, down to the smallest details that you could possibly think of to be able to enjoy every single moment of your secret getaway.
Just like the red dress that you had chosen to wear tonight. The dress you had meticulously picked and bought to wear on the trip as you went to celebrate your newfound freedom.Ā 
In your well-thought-out plan, you were supposed to have landed on the tropical island you were headed to by sundown. The warm tropical breeze should have been embracing you at the start of your trip instead of the cold, chilly wind flowing right outside these walls.Ā 
By this evening, you should have already settled in nicely in the comfort of your hotel room right by the beachside. The calming sound of the rushing waves outside your window was the sound that you should have been listening to while resting from your long flight.Ā 
You had pictured yourself embracing your freedom in a foreign land. To feel the soft sand slipping between your toes as you were playing chase with the rushing waves, and to find calmness that you could only get far away from the treacherous city where you came from.Ā 
The trip was meant to help you mend your soul. Perfectly planned out as an escape from reality and leave all of your past hurt behind before starting a new chapter of your life.Ā 
And yet, no matter how thoroughly you had it all planned out, somehow life simply found a way to mess it all up. Just like how it had always been. So perhaps you shouldnā€™t have been so surprised when it happened to you again, just when you thought that you had everything under control.Ā 
You should have seen the signs long before everything started crumbling down.
The sky that kept growing darker ever since you left the city. The constant turbulences happening during your first flight that made the trip feel intense. The unsettling feeling you met the moment you landed in this place for your transit. The constant announcements echoing through the airport about flights that were getting delayed and cancelled while you were getting no news about your transit flightā€™s departure.Ā 
You should have been prepared to face reality, keeping in mind that life hadnā€™t been so nice to you lately to let you slip away that easily. Yet your stubbornness prevailed. And after your most recent predicament, you needed this trip to happen. You needed to be right.Ā 
After all, you have made it all the way here. It would have been impossible for you to return home, wouldnā€™t it?
So you remained in denial and were so stubbornly holding onto hope that you would soon be taken away from this place towards your dream destination. Even when the world around you seemed to be falling apart.Ā 
But after long hours of waiting, you were finally forced to accept your fate, letting go of any hope you had left to escape this place when they officially cancelled the rest of todayā€™s flights due to unresolved weather issues. Including yours.
ā€œIā€™m sorry, but we really canā€™t promise you anything at this moment. There will be no flights until the storm passes and our pilots are cleared to fly again. Until then, we have nothing to tell you.ā€Ā 
The staffā€™s swift response to your inquiries about getting on the first flight available to take you to your destination only left you with a dead end. Even flying back home was no longer an option, only because that would only mean that you were admitting defeat.Ā 
And that was how you ended up here tonight, stranded right between the daunting city that you called home and the paradise that you wished to be in until an unforeseeable future. Your dream of enjoying the night in the comfort of the beachside hotel room overlooking the wide, clear ocean, had been replaced with the reality where you had to spend overnight at the airportā€™s transit hotel that the airline staff helped book for you.Ā 
You released a sigh as you leaned back against the elevator wall. Recounting the events again only brought back all the terrible mood you were having. And it didnā€™t help that the last message that your roommate sent you only reminded you of your setback.Ā 
From Skye: Just checking on you on your secret getaway. I hope youā€™re having a blast right now. I wish youā€™d tell me where youā€™re heading so I can have a good reason to be jealous. Be safe!
Another sigh came from your lips as you wonderedā€”
Now how am I supposed to answer her text?Ā 
Before you could find an answer, the elevator doors opened as it reached the lobby downstairs. You put away your phone as you stepped out, and immediately got lost in your thoughts. Your mind once again getting too loud as it keeps you company.Ā 
At first, you had no intention of hiding this trip from her. Yet all the circumstances leading to this weekend had made it hard for you to share anything to anyone.
You were planning to wait until you were finally there so you could surprise her with pictures from the beautiful beach or your comfortable hotel room. Showing her the pretty nighttime scene from the tropical island would have been a nice way to flaunt your secret getaway rather than boasting it when your fate had been filled with uncertainty.Ā 
But instead of having an evening walk down the beach, you were trudging across the lobby inside an airport hotel, accompanied by the sound of your heels clicking on the marble floors instead of having sand soiling your feet.Ā 
And the view outside the window that you got to see earlier had been nowhere close to the pretty beach with its white sand and rolling waves. Instead, you had a clear view of the dark night sky, painted with the raging storm and its blaring thunders so strong they almost caused the entire bedroom to shake. Neither showed any sign of calming down any time soon, leaving you with no other choice but to do what you could to enjoy your temporary stay.
And you were going to start doing so by having a quick drink to help you unwind for the night.Ā 
The red dress that you were wearing might seem a bit excessive for a nightcap, but for a short while, it helped you forget where you were. It felt almost as if you were walking in a dream as you strolled down the lower lobby in search of the hotel bar.Ā 
Entering the hotel bar, however, became another wake-up call.Ā 
The bar was quite large for a transit hotel, accommodating the patrons filling the place tonight. You had hoped that you could have a dance or two with a friendly stranger before retreating to your hotel room to rest, yet the closed-off lounge area had more space filled with box seats than the open dance floor. The seating area was the only place in the bar which was dimly lit, allowing the guests some privacy while they settled in with their drinks.Ā 
The small chandeliers glittering from the ceiling were far from the hanging lights that you pictured hanging in a beachside bar. Just like the one place you had seen pictures of while planning for your trip. The lights you were seeing here made the entire space beneath seem luxurious, spreading a soft golden glow over the wary faces trying to enjoy the night.Ā 
The pulsing bass that came out of the speakers was enough to drown the sound of the violent storm happening on the other side of these walls, further helping to create an illusion that you were in another place. That you were somewhere else instead of being stranded inside an airport hotel, together with all the strangers who seemed to be facing the same fate as you did.Ā 
You made your way towards the main bar, suddenly feeling hyperaware of your surroundings. Even without looking, you could feel peopleā€™s eyes following your movements. Yet you paid no heed to them. You were only here to quiet down the raging storm happening inside your head, after all.Ā 
A strong scent of old wood took over the bar area. Mixed in with the excessive scent of air fresheners and cleaners, it was enough to remind you that you were miles and miles away from the beautiful island where you had been so desperate to be.Ā 
Smoothing your palms down your red dress, you took one empty seat at the bar. You caught the bartenderā€™s eyes as he walked past, and within moments, a glass of strawberry daiquiri ended up in your hand.Ā 
This feels nice, you wondered to yourself as you sat back and tried to relax.
One sip of the sweet alcoholic drink was all that it took to refresh your mind. As the warmth from your drink ran smoothly through your body, any doubt and wariness you felt began to fade.Ā 
The next sip of the drink managed to ease your thoughts down a bit more. It helped push away the reminders of your troubles to the back of your mind. Finding calmness, you took another quick look at your surroundings.
The seating lounge seemed to be filled with guests more than the main bar was. Stranded travellers like yourself. At first glance, the nicely dressed men in suits made it seem like you were in a bar downtown. As if they were nothing more than a group of businessmen seeking leisure on a Friday night with drinks.Ā 
It only took you looking a few seats away from them for the illusion to shatter. Your eyes fell on a group of men and women wearing their summer clothing who were making a toast, acting as if they were at the peak of their vacation.Ā 
Looking at the scene made you realise that you werenā€™t the only one feeling miserable tonight. You wondered just how badly these people here needed to forget. How many of them here might be similar to you, stranded in an unexpected situation while trying to escape reality?Ā 
You raised your glass to hide your bitter smile. The smooth liquid continued to flow through your body and you slowly began to find some peace of mind. Before you knew it, you had finished your drink, though you werenā€™t exactly ready to return to your cold bedroom.Ā 
ā€œCan I order you another glass of drink?ā€Ā 
A deep voice invaded your senses after a long period of silence, and it was coming from your side. You had been far too deep in your reverie that you didnā€™t even realise that someone had taken the empty seat right beside you at the bar.Ā 
Curious to see this friendly stranger, you slowly turned around to look at him. And what you saw in him nearly took your breath away.Ā 
A tall, lean man was sitting there. His slick hair had a few curls at the end of each strands, and he had combed them back, leaving nothing more than a few stands framing his handsome face that looked almost as if it had been sculpted by the fine hands of masters in art. His sharp nose and jawline drew your attention, while his deep and soulful eyes that appeared like pools of rich mahogany drew you in, as if he was hiding a story behind his intense gaze. But it was his plump lips that formed into a smile which caught your eyes the most.
At your silence that stretched out while you were busy being captivated by him, he raised his eyebrows. It made you realise that he was waiting for your answer. An answer to a question that you had so obviously missed.Ā 
ā€œIā€™m sorry?ā€Ā 
He tilted his chin to point at your now empty glass. ā€œYou look like you could use another glass, and Iā€™d love to get one for you,ā€ he said with an amused tone of voice.Ā 
Once again, his deep, velvety voice hit you deeply. It resonated through your body, and a shudder ran down your spine. You refused to believe that he was able to cause this effect on you solely through his voice or his pretty smile.Ā 
But how else would you explain the reaction that was drawn from your body?Ā 
I donā€™t think Iā€™m that drunk already, you wondered.
It was probably the way he spoke to you which affected you so much. The way he was asking a question with pure confidence. As if he already knew your answer, and that it would be impossible for you to refuse his offer.Ā 
And he wasnā€™t completely wrong about it.Ā 
What remained from your sullen mood immediately shifted in his presence. And while you have no intention of turning him down, you decided that you were not going to make things easy for him.Ā 
ā€œAn interesting offer that seems like such a waste for me to refuse,ā€ you sweetly said to him, smiling as your eyes fell on his empty hands. ā€œBut how would a woman feel at ease to accept such an offer from a man who isnā€™t even holding a glass in his hand?ā€Ā 
He squinted his eyes at you, which only made his gaze feel more intense. ā€œAre you afraid that I might be planning to get you drunk?ā€Ā 
You softly laughed. ā€œNot sure if I should be so worried about that. Getting drunk tonight has always been my initial plan all along,ā€ you coyly said, hiding the fact that it was never your intention to get wild tonight. But his appearance intrigued you enough to change your mind about ending the night so soon. Ā 
The mysterious man remained oblivious to this as he laughed with you. His wide, almost boxy grin mesmerised you in an instant and you were once again left speechless.Ā 
He waved his hand to grab the bartenderā€™s attention.Ā It was nothing more but a simple gesture, yet you were somewhat drawn to it. To him. Ā 
While he greeted the bartender, you took the chance to have a better look at this man. You noticed that he was a bit different compared to the other men that you saw around you earlier.Ā 
Dressed in a black jacket over his plain white shirt, he didnā€™t seem as sophisticated as the stranded businessmen in their flashy suits sitting together at the barā€™s lounge. Yet he had a different level of confidence which was enough to make your cheeks feel warm.Ā 
In your eyes, he was alluring, almost as intensely as the dark storm happening outside. And you couldnā€™t resist being pulled towards him.Ā 
ā€œAnother glass of the same drink for the lady and a glass of grasshopper for me,ā€ he smoothly spoke as he ordered the drinks for you.
The bartender nodded and went to work, while you slid closer to him. His fresh-scented cologne immediately hit you, and your confidence nearly wavered that you almost slid back. But then he caught you with his gaze as he turned back to you, giving you the kind of attention which boosted every bit of ego you had.Ā 
ā€œSo you also prefer something light and sweet. How intriguing,ā€ you teased him, bringing back his alluring grin.Ā 
ā€œWhy do you think I came here to join you? It was obviously for the fruity drinks and to have someone to drink it together with,ā€ he joked.
You rolled your eyes at him and smiled. Before you got to say something in return, the bartender came back with his order. The man took a sip of his drink first before you took yours. Once again, the sweetness from your drink swirled through your body, chipping away at the tension that had been weighing you down ever since the dayā€™s saga began.Ā 
ā€œTo be honest, I also thought that you were looking a bit rough.ā€ His remark brought your attention back to him. The tease was gone from his voice. All that was left was a gentle concern that seemed genuine. ā€œAnd you looked like you needed a friend. Thatā€™s why I invited myself to join you.ā€Ā 
It makes you feel uneasy to think that you were being so transparent. So much so that a complete stranger like himself was able to see right through you.Ā 
ā€œYou think so? Wait until you hear how rough Iā€™m feeling inside as well,ā€Ā you bitterly said to him, drawing a soft smile to his face.Ā 
ā€œThat makes the two of us then,ā€ he said to you gently with his eyes on his glass of drink. There was a forlorn look in his eyes as he slowly twirled the glass, causing the liquid to swish around before he took another sip from it.Ā 
ā€œCare to share?ā€ you questioned him before you could stop yourself, only to pull yourself back. ā€œSorry, that sounds creepy. We just met and here I am, prying into someone elseā€™s business,ā€ you nervously laughed. Ā 
His gaze softened when he looked at you. Furthermore, he also seemed intrigued.Ā 
ā€œNo, not at all.ā€ His voice was calm, and it somehow helped to calm your nerves. ā€œI was just about to lend an ear in case you needed someone to vent to. I never expected that you would be a step ahead of me before I could make the offer.ā€Ā 
The comment he gave you made you feel warm inside.Ā 
ā€œMineā€™s a long story,ā€Ā you bitterly said to him as you raised your glass, almost giving in to the urge to take a hefty drink and finish it off when everything started coming back to you again.
The reason behind this trip, why you were stranded here on your own, while being far, far away from home, and all the drama that had gotten in the way when you had been so desperate to get away from everything.Ā 
Unsurprisingly, the man merely shrugged. ā€œIā€™ve got time to spare. My flight wonā€™t leave until tomorrow. And that is if theyā€™re allowed to fly out of here at all.ā€Ā 
You smiled at him. ā€œSame here. I guess weā€™re both stranded here all night, huh?ā€Ā 
He leaned in just then, invading your personal space and filling it with his presence. And you didnā€™t even mind it as you leaned into him, meeting him halfway to welcome him into your little safety bubble.Ā 
ā€œAnd I was worried that I might get stuck feeling lonely while being stranded in this place,ā€ he gently murmured, drawing a smile to your face. Ā 
ā€œI doubt that you would end up alone tonight,ā€ you teased him, simply because there was no possible way that someone as attractive as he was would be returning to his hotel bedroom alone.Ā 
His smile grew, yet the deep, dark look in his eyes shifted into something else. Something naughty and sinful. It made you feel a new sensation brewing inside even without him ever having to touch you.Ā 
ā€œIs that an invitation?ā€ he asked with his deep voice that came grazing at your skin.Ā 
Normally, you wouldnā€™t know what to say in return. It had been so long since you played this kind of game with someone. With anyone. But his presence and his words were drawing something out of you. A part of you that you never thought existed. And you surprised yourself when you played along, taunting danger head-on as you challenged this handsome stranger before youā€”Ā 
ā€œWould you like it to be?ā€Ā 
Something flashed in his eyes. It was dark and intense, and it was sucking you in. It brought a myriad of sensations that unexpectedly went straight down to your core.Ā 
In the deep silence that fell right after, the world around you faded. Even before you got to know his name, before you had the chance to share your story, you already knew the answer that he was about to give you as a response to your question.Ā 
And you also knew right then, that the sparks that came rising around you were something that you would never be able to easily forget, even if every bit of memory you had about him would fade over time.Ā 
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Presentā€¦
Why do I keep thinking about that night all over again?
You can only wonder, as you keep being reminded of that eventful night.Ā 
Weeks, nearly a month have gone by ever since, yet the memories seem to have been engraved deeply in your thoughts. And today, even though you havenā€™t really been thinking about it since, you suddenly find yourself having no trouble recounting everything that happened then.Ā 
Well, almost everything.Ā 
Some parts may seem blurry now. All due to the passing of time and the fact that you were partly inebriated at the time. But you can still recall some parts of the night that had clearly left a strong impression on youā€”the first encounter and the conversation you shared before alcohol took over, the instant attraction that you felt, but most of all, his entire presence.Ā 
And they all have been coming into your thoughts while you are sitting here in the corner of your bathroom. Alone. With your arms wrapped around your folded knees and your eyes closed. As if you are waiting for a miracle to happen.Ā 
You scoff at the thought.Ā 
Right. Miracles.Ā 
Years have long passed since you stopped believing that miracles do exist.Ā Life always has its way of blindsiding you with its twists and turns that miracles no longer seem to matter anymore.Ā 
Not for you, at least.Ā 
Your past experiences have only caused you to look at it with sceptical eyes, sometimes even with bitterness, knowing that life has never been on your side.Ā 
But here you are now, wishing, praying, holding onto hope that there would be a miracle to stop you from getting into a messy situation. One that you know you wouldnā€™t be able to handle on your own.Ā 
After all, the perfect season of miracles is right around the corner. So it wouldnā€™t be so wrong for you to have some faith in them again now, would it?Ā 
Your phone starts blaring with the sound of the alarm, snapping you out of it. Slowly, you rise on your wobbly feet. It feels as if your entire body has grown numb even before you get to face reality as it comes glaring back at you.Ā 
Clutching onto the edges of your bathroom counter, you try to hold yourself together, and immediately failing, as you look at the two thin white strips lying on the cold counter and feel your entire world tilting off of its axis.Ā 
All because of the two red lines that are clearly visible on each strip.
ā€œOh, fuck,ā€ you softly groan. Deep down, you had already predicted this. Yet you kept denying it, hoping that you would be wrong.
ā€œNo, no, noā€”ā€ you continue murmuring to yourself while wishing that you could somehow turn back time and change everything before things started going the wrong way.Ā 
Back to this morning, when your roommate caught youā€”once againā€”throwing up last nightā€™s dinner before handing you the unopened pregnancy test packs that she has been keeping safe in her room with the premise, ā€œJust in case.ā€Ā 
Or maybe you could return to last night when she pointed out your odd cravingsā€”like dipping apples into peanut butter and eating leftover mac and cheese straight from the fridge without warming it in the microwave firstā€”and joked about how you have been acting like a pregnant woman with your mood swings.Ā 
Better yet, you wish you could go back to that night, back to that many weeks ago, when you allowed yourself to fall for a strangerā€™s charm which led you to spend the night with him.Ā 
You close your eyes, once again murmuring to yourself, ā€œThis has got to be a dream.ā€Ā 
But the moment you open your eyes again, nothing has changed. You are still standing there with your hands holding tightly onto the edges of the bathroom counter. And the two pregnancy test kits that you used are still lying on top of the counter for your eyes to see.Ā 
A rapid sound of knocking on the bathroom door sends you jumping back.Ā 
ā€œHey, ______? Is everything okay?ā€ you hear your roommate, Skye, calling out for you. Her voice seems calm, yet when you recall hearing the sound of her footsteps moving back and forth outside of the door while you were taking the test, you know that she has been waiting just as anxiously as you were. ā€œSoā€”? What does it say?ā€Ā 
Still in shock, and quite stuck in denial, you open your mouth only to have no words coming out of you. Your brain feels a bit hazy as you walk up to the door and open it for her.Ā 
Skye takes one look at your face and her gaze softens. ā€œWhat did itā€”ā€ She shakes her head. ā€œOh, never mind, Iā€™m dying to know. Let me see it,ā€ she says as she brushes past you before you can say anything.Ā 
Hoping that there is a chance that reality can change within the next few seconds, you refuse to turn around and once again close your eyes while she suddenly grows quiet.
Maybe you were just imagining things. Maybe you werenā€™t even looking at the test properly. Maybeā€”
ā€œSo, uhmā€”ā€ you can hear Skyeā€™s voice trembling a little as she hesitantly asks you, ā€œTwo lines mean itā€™s positive, is that right?ā€Ā 
And just like that, every bit of hope you have in you flies out the window. ā€œI wish I could say that itā€™s the other way around,ā€ you softly murmur, feeling defeated.Ā 
And the feeling grows stronger when you hear her cursing under her breath,
ā€œWell, fuck.ā€
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ā€œWhat are you doing?ā€ you ask Skye as you gingerly take a seat on the sofa.Ā 
Once you both stepped away from the bathroom, she guided you to the living room while she sauntered away to the kitchen without a word. You can hear the noises she makes as she is busy rummaging through the counters. Yet you are too far away to see what she is up to.Ā 
ā€œHang on a minute. Stay there,ā€ she calls out without even looking.Ā 
ā€œOkay.ā€Ā 
Itā€™s not like you have any energy to go anywhere, after all. Your head is still spinning and you can barely feel your legs. It feels as if you are stuck in a bad dream and you just canā€™t get out of it.Ā 
It doesnā€™t take long before Skye returns to your side, carrying with her two clean tall glasses in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. It was the same bottle that you opened when you celebrated your promotion a couple of weeks ago after coming back from the trip.Ā 
Holy shit, you inwardly cry out. Your heartbeat rises as your hands find their way to your stomach.Ā 
ā€œOkay, letā€™s try to calm down,ā€ Skye says to you as she places both glasses on the table before you, although it seems to you more as if she is talking to herself instead of reassuring you while you are panicking inside.
A couple of weeks ago? Wouldnā€™t I have been already pregnant then?Ā 
These thoughts keep running through your head as you watch your roommate pouring wine into both glasses, just like the night she did the same when you first opened that same bottle.Ā 
Dear God, how much did I drink that night? You ask yourself with a grimace as you try to remember.Ā 
Wait, no. I didnā€™t drink anything, you remind yourself. Relief washes over you look back at the celebration night where you barely took a sip before Skye took the glass away from your hands.Ā 
Because you were already feeling sick that day.Ā 
You had been feeling nauseous for days, throwing up once in a while and mostly on the days when you were lacking sleep because of the workload you had to handle for the upcoming promotion. All you ever did was wet your lips with the wine after the celebratory toast. That was the only contact you made with the drink before Skye replaced it with a tall glass of alcohol-free smoothie that she made especially for your ā€˜upset stomachā€™.
Of course, how did I not see the signs? You wonder again as you remember the sickly feeling you had after vomiting each morning and feeling powerless for the rest of the day. It even got so bad that you had to skip work for a couple of days at the beginning of your ā€˜sicknessā€™.Ā 
If only you knew then.Ā 
Your eyes are still on the wine glasses as Skye places them side by side and puts away the bottle.Ā 
ā€œUhā€”I believe we both just saw the two lines appearing on the test packs.ā€Ā 
She lets out a light scoff and waves her hand at you. ā€œThey're both for me. Iā€™m going to need them while I process this,ā€ she says, shaking her head as she sits down to join you on the sofa. ā€œYou get to keep that smoothie.ā€Ā 
You follow her gaze and look down at the glass of smoothie that you left on the table during the whole fiasco with the pregnancy test. While you pick up your drink, Skye takes a hefty drink from one of the glasses of wine and sits back.Ā 
ā€œSoā€”youā€™re pregnant,ā€ she murmurs to herself. Her gaze flickers to your face for a brief moment and nods to herself before taking another drink.Ā 
Why does it seem like she is the one panicking?Ā 
She releases a sigh. Neither of you says anything for a moment. But you can tell when she grows more anxious by the minute. You donā€™t understand why, until she carefully asks you, ā€œAre you going to tell Han?ā€Ā 
Confused, you look at her with your brows furrowed and ask, ā€œWhy would I tell Han that Iā€™m pregnant?ā€Ā 
Skye looks genuinely confused, almost as much as you are, and you only realise the reason why when she asks you, ā€œIsnā€™t Hansol the father? You guys have been dating for a long time and I canā€™t remember ever seeing you with anyone else while youā€™re on a break.ā€Ā 
You wince, realising too late that you have yet to tell her the truth.
ā€œActuallyā€”weā€™re not on a break,ā€ you slowly admit with a low voice. Months have gone by, and even though it no longer hurts whenever you start thinking about your failed relationship or to mention your exā€™s name, you cannot help but still feel bitter about how it ended and you hate talking about it.Ā 
That is the reason why you havenā€™t said anything about it to anyone. Maybe you were just too embarrassed. After all, it isnā€™t so easy to admit that you may have been the reason why the four-year relationship fell into pieces.Ā 
ā€œI lied,ā€ you say with a burst of deep sigh, ā€œIt was over, done, finishedā€”ā€
ā€œSo you already broke up?ā€ she cuts you off with a calm voice.Ā 
You bite your bottom lip as you slowly nod your head. ā€œYeah,ā€ you whisper, suddenly feeling like your throat is tightening up. Not because you feel the sudden urge to cry. But only because this is all becoming too much to take at once. Ā 
ā€œAnd the baby?ā€ she carefully asks you. ā€œIt wasnā€™t Hanā€”ā€Ā 
ā€œThe baby isnā€™t his,ā€ you quickly answer before she even gets to question about it.Ā 
Itā€™s hard enough to hear his name being mentioned after a while. It feels harder to think that you might be carrying his baby.Ā 
But the moment those words come out of your lips, reality finally sinks in. Grabbing the glass of your drink, you take a hefty drink out of it. You wish there was some alcohol in this thing. Maybe it would have helped you think more clearly.Ā 
Thatā€™s right. It couldnā€™t have been his.
Sighing to yourself, you begin to do the math. ā€œWeā€™ve been broken up for months, so if the baby is his, Iā€™m sure I would be showing already by this time around,ā€ you say this while gently rubbing your palm over your stomach.Ā 
Now that your suspicions have been confirmed, the gesture feels almost natural to you that your hand simply moves before you realise it, though it helps confirm that nothing much has changed with your body.
It feels odd to think that there is a life existing inside you, yet you cannot really see it with just one look. This convinces you further that the baby couldnā€™t have been conceived while you were still dating your ex. Looking back to it now, once you remember when exactly the sickness and craving started, it would only make sense that the baby was conceived on that specific night.Ā 
ā€œSoā€”if Hansol isnā€™t the Dad, then who was it?ā€Ā 
Biting your lip, you turn to look at Skye. Of course, if there is anyone in this world that you can talk to about this, it would only be her. Just like how she would come to you first whenever she is in a bind, whether itā€™s about her relationships, about work, or even the smallest things like having a bad day where you end up sharing a tub of ice cream to feel better.Ā 
After all, she isnā€™t just a roommate, but also someone you have known the longest compared to the other friends youā€™ve made since moving into this city. You have known each other since college, since back in freshman year when both of you were nothing more but young kids from small towns being thrust into the big city.Ā 
Being put together in the same dorm room led you to become fast friends. After years of enduring the same hardship in college, the two of you remained so close that you even moved to this city together and continued to live in the same place to keep each other company.Ā 
You have gone through everything with her, and you have always been honest with each other. It should have been easy to tell her everything. If only you could find the right words to begin sharing your story.Ā 
ā€œI have no idea where to start.ā€Ā 
ā€œWell,ā€ Skye patiently says while twirling the glass of wine sheā€™s holding. You squint your eyes at her when you find it almost empty. So unfair. ā€œWhy donā€™t you start from the beginning?ā€Ā 
ā€œRight. From the beginning,ā€ you say this with a nod. ā€œDo you remember when I went away last month?ā€Ā 
She nods. ā€œYour secret getaway. Still jealous of that, by the way.ā€Ā 
You give her a small smile. ā€œYeah, wellā€”thereā€™s a reason why I insisted on going alone on that trip. I actually planned it as a surprise vacation for me and Hansol. The original idea was for us to have a romantic getaway for our fourth anniversary.ā€Ā 
Skye raises her eyebrows. ā€œWell, damn,ā€ she mutters. ā€œLet me guess. You broke up before it happened?ā€Ā 
You grimace as you recall what happened. ā€œClose enough,ā€ you answer with a bitter smile. ā€œIt was because of the trip that we got a huge fight in the first place.ā€Ā 
Skye tilts her head. ā€œIā€™m not following.ā€Ā 
Sighing, you drink your smoothie to cool down and swallow the bitter feeling you are suddenly getting. Recounting the break-up isnā€™t so much fun to do. Not even after this long.Ā 
ā€œI planned the entire thing on my own. Booked the flight and the hotel, and rearranged our schedules to fit each other so we could go on that exact date. But I never shared anything with him, except to confirm that it was a place that he also dreamt of going so we could both enjoy it together.ā€ You let out a defeated sigh. ā€œI wanted it to be a surprise. He used to love those in the past, so I figured it could be fun to celebrate our anniversary this way and get away from all the stress both of us had been getting.ā€Ā 
You stop talking for a moment to remember those days. Both you and Hansol had been so busy back then that you could barely spend time with each other.Ā 
It was the exact routine every day. Having long hours in the office and since you werenā€™t living together, you could only keep in contact with each other through texts and calls. By the time the two of you were able to see each other, all the stress had been piling up that you were almost always arguing and fighting instead of making up for all the time you missed while being apart.Ā 
ā€œWe were talking about moving in together but all of a sudden, we stopped discussing it and I could feel us growing further apart. I thought going away from all the stress for a while would help us get along and make up for all the fighting. Maybe we could have had a chance to talk things out and figure out what to fix.ā€Ā 
You stop with a soft sigh. ā€œWe were getting bored. With work, with life, and maybe we did get bored with each other but neither of us could open up about it, much less admit it. Not even to ourselves.ā€Ā 
Skye lets out a groan. ā€œThis is why I donā€™t do relationships,ā€ she mutters before finishing her drink. The first glass. With the second one waiting on the table.
You give her a scoff, but smile at her comment before continuing, ā€œHe found out about the trip by chance. I was still logged in on his laptop after I borrowed it to check on my work email while I was staying over on the weekend. He accidentally opened the booking details when he was checking his email, thinking it was his account. He suspected me of planning to go with someone else, but even after I told him that the trip was for both of us, he wasnā€™t having it.ā€Ā 
Skye leans forward when she hears this. ā€œWait, heā€™s pissed about a secret vacation?ā€ she asks, looking unhappy and confused at the same time. You canā€™t really blame her. Because that is exactly how you feel about your exā€™s reaction. ā€œWhy would he be? If it had been me, I wouldā€™ve been ecstatic about going.ā€Ā 
ā€œI wish I knew,ā€ you groan, feeling just as frustrated as you had been then. ā€œBut he wasnā€™t just refusing to go. He started blaming me. Saying something about me holding him back or something. He said he had no time for a trip when he needed to be there and work for his promotion.ā€Ā 
Thinking back to that day, remembering about the fight and the things you said to each other, you are reminded of the moment the fight left your body. Because you knew then that there was nothing left to fight over.Ā 
ā€œHe never even brought up the fact that it was the date of our anniversary. I donā€™t think he even knew or remembered it,ā€ you say with a bitter chuckle. ā€œHe broke it off, saying that he wanted to focus on his career and I would be keeping him behind. And I agreed because I knew that weā€™d wound up hurting each other if weā€™d stayed.ā€Ā 
ā€œI can understand that,ā€ Skye gently says. The two of you share a sad smile when your eyes meet. ā€œAnd you still went on that trip,ā€ she guesses, sounding proud. She lifts her glass to you and says, ā€œGood girl.ā€Ā 
You merely shrug. ā€œWhen I went to cancel the tickets for the trip, I thought it would be such a waste to throw everything away. So I decided that going solo would be a good idea and kept mine. Besides, I needed a moment to heal myself and get away from the city for a short while.ā€Ā 
She laughs, agreeing with you. Then, just as she is about to say something, she suddenly stops. A knowing look comes across her gaze and she slowly gasps. ā€œDonā€™t tell meā€”ā€ she says, ā€œYou met someone while you were there.ā€Ā 
You nod your head slowly and press your lips together. ā€œOnce again, youā€™re close. But thatā€™s not exactly what happened.ā€ Blowing out a deep breath, you slowly ask her, ā€œRemember when I told you that I got held up for a day in transit?ā€Ā 
ā€œYeah, I was so jealous of you that I still remember everything you told me about that trip,ā€ she lets out a dreamy sigh, then her gaze snaps back at you. ā€œBut, it seems to me that you havenā€™t told me everything about the trip.ā€Ā 
ā€œNo, I didnā€™t.ā€ You grimace. ā€œAnyway, thatā€™s when I met himā€”ā€Ā 
The memories return to you again as you share with your roommate about your encounter with the beautiful stranger. You remember vividly the way he spoke, the deep and gentle voice that he spoke to you with, and his captivating smile that made you swoon. Everything about him that made it hard for you to leave and say goodbye to him.Ā 
You recount the way you enjoyed each otherā€™s company that even after your terrible mood gradually became much better, and after you finished yet another drink, you simply couldnā€™t walk away and end the night with him so soon. You stayed longer, losing count of the time you spent with him and the drinks you had.Ā 
ā€œAnd then, one thing led to another, it just happened.ā€Ā 
Skyeā€™s eyes have grown so wide at this point, and her jaw has dropped in her surprise that she looks almost comical. ā€œYou hooked up with a stranger during your transit?ā€ she asks you. The moment you nod your head, she switches her empty glass with the other. ā€œI would drink to that.ā€Ā 
You laugh just as she takes a hefty drink as if celebrating on your behalf. ā€œWhy do you sound so proud of me?ā€Ā 
ā€œWell,ā€ she slowly starts, ā€œWeā€™ve known each other for so long. You have always been so put together, always followed the rules, and you are always so good at what you do. From school, to work, even the little things you have been doing on the side. But not when it comes to your sex life.ā€Ā 
You know that she is right about everything. But it doesnā€™t stop you from picking up a cushion and hitting her with it.Ā 
ā€œHey, you know Iā€™m right,ā€ she says while laughing and protecting the precious glass of wine. ā€œCome on, youā€™ve never had any casual relationships or random hookups, and every chance I could have gotten to hook you up with my guy friends was gone when Hansol came into the picture.ā€Ā 
Pouting, you pull the cushion back and hold it tightly in your arms. ā€œYeah, I guess youā€™re right,ā€ you admit with a sigh. ā€œHow do you get to know me so well?ā€Ā 
ā€œThatā€™s because I love you enough to pay attention,ā€ she smugly says while waving her glass around, sloshing the wine everywhere. ā€œWhy do you think Iā€™ve been so protective of you over the years?ā€Ā 
You roll your eyes and hit her with the cushion one last time, making her laugh, even though she is right. For as long as you have been friends with her, she has always been like an older sister to you. Not only for coming hard like a shield against the guys you ever introduced her to but also for the trivial things that not many people would pay much attention to.Ā 
Like reminding you to eat properly when you are stressed out or too busy with work and school.Ā 
You feel bad for relying on her so much over the years. But you also feel grateful about it. Just like how youā€™re feeling right now once you notice that youā€™re no longer feeling as stressed as you had earlier once youā€™re done dumping everything to her.Ā 
Skyeā€™s eyes turn back to you, landing on your covered belly as she curiously asks, ā€œAre you positively sure that Hansol wasnā€™t the father?ā€Ā 
You slowly nod your head. As much as you wish that you were wrong, you couldnā€™t have been mistaken about this.
ā€œWhat are the odds that it was a false positive?ā€ you suddenly question her, while she shrugs.Ā 
ā€œItā€™s possible,ā€ she says. ā€œBut we can get some more test kits and redo the test. Just in case. Or you could make an appointment with the doctor straight away to make sure.ā€Ā 
ā€œRight, the doctorā€”ā€ You let out a soft sigh and close your eyes briefly. It has been a while since youā€™ve seen your physician. The last time was beforeā€”
Oh, shit.Ā 
Your eyes snap open right then. How long ago has it been since youā€™ve gone to see your physician? The last time was when you went to your regular appointment for your birth control. But that felt so long ago.Ā 
Long before the trip.Ā 
After that appointment, and once the break-up happened, you simply threw yourself into work so much you completely forgot about everything else. And since you were newly single, getting your birth control was the last thing you had in mind at the time.Ā 
Fuck me, you inwardly groan without saying a thing to your roommate who is busy chattering about the doctor, making appointments, and offering to take you there herself. You know that she would lecture you about safe sex like a mother hen if you ever share this with her.
But waitā€¦he wore a condom, right? Yes, you are quite sure he did. The details are blurry when you try to remember, but you do remember protection being involved.Ā 
Groaning to yourself, you fall back on the sofa. Your head starts spinning again when you start worrying about other things. Once you start thinking of a problem that you may have to face, another one comes to mind.Ā 
ā€œWhat am I supposed to do with this baby?ā€ Ā 
Skye once again raises her eyebrows at you. ā€œI think the right question should be what do you want to do?ā€Ā she asks, while you can only shake your head.
ā€œI donā€™t know,ā€ you answer with a small voice. The only thing you can think of right now is how you are going to get through this holiday while being pregnant. You are supposed to be home for Christmas in two weeks, and knowing just how crazy your family truly is, you cannot imagine how they would react if they found out you are with a child.Ā 
You close your eyes and let out a sigh. ā€œAnd my family still have no idea that I broke up with Han.ā€Ā 
ā€œFor once, Iā€™m not jealous of your life,ā€ Skye says as she sips her wine. But she is ready for it when you fling the cushion back at her and avoid it without spilling her drink. ā€œDonā€™t worry. I think theyā€™ll catch on about your failed relationship as soon as you walk into your family home without that hunk by your side.ā€Ā 
Huffing, you hug the cushion in your arms and lean back. ā€œI guess if theyā€™re going to find out either way, I might as well just tell them the moment I got home.ā€Ā 
Besides, it might be even harder to hide the fact that you are pregnant. You might not be showing yet, but there is no possible way you could avoid the questions that may come if you are still feeling so sick right in front of your family, or if your cravings suddenly get out of hand.Ā 
Especially if Honey is there. Despite the early signs of dementia showing on her lately, your grandmother has always been so perceptive. And there is no telling what random things she may blurt out once she has some rum in her system.Ā 
With so many different things to think about, you almost forget one important matter that you should be thinking about when it comes to the baby. And just like always, Skye is there to remind you of it.Ā 
ā€œDo you remember his name?ā€Ā 
You turn to Skye with wide eyes, suddenly panicking inside. You can tell that she can see it on your face and is now sharing the same feeling when she suddenly knocks back the rest of her wine and groans, ā€œFuck, Iā€™m gonna need more.ā€Ā 
You watch her pour more wine into her glass, hastily drinking it right after, before turning to you again. ā€œYou didnā€™t get his name? At least tell me that you got his number before you went separate ways.ā€
You bite your lips. ā€œItā€™s Tae.ā€Ā 
ā€œTaeā€”what?ā€Ā 
You shake your head. ā€œThatā€™s it,ā€ you let out a frustrated sigh. ā€œThat was the only name he ever gave me.ā€Ā 
ā€œSeriously?ā€Ā 
Skye is freaking out, you can tell. But you close your eyes and rest your head back, shutting everything down as she starts ranting about how she was supposed to teach you better about hooking up with strangers and keeping yourself safe.Ā 
With her voice turning into white noise at the back of your mind, your memories return to you, taking you back to the eventful night.Ā 
You can almost feel yourself being back there againā€”back in the cold hotel bar with the scent of old wood and liquor lingering in the air; the murmuring sounds of people chatting and laughing, accompanied by the sound of glasses clinking together resonating through the space around you; back to his presence that felt so strong and intense you could barely feel anything else other than him as long as you had your attention fully on him.
ā€œWhatā€™s your name?ā€ You remember him asking you with his voice that grew more gentle and deeper the more he drank.Ā 
You leaned into him and giggled in response as if he just said something funny to you. ā€œDoes it really matter?ā€Ā 
His soft chuckle rumbled around you. The voice was so soft, yet you could hear it clearly because of how close you were leaning into him. ā€œIā€™m sure I remember being taught not to talk to strangers.ā€Ā 
ā€œAre you telling me that youā€™ve been a good boy for listening to what your Mom taught you?ā€ you teased him. It was obvious how tipsy you were at this point, which may have been the reason why you were growing more confident.Ā 
ā€œOh, Iā€™ve always been a good boy,ā€ he answered you while looking amused. He went silent right after. His gaze seemed far away just for a fleeting moment before he finally said, ā€œMy name is Tae.ā€Ā 
ā€œTae? Thatā€™s it?ā€ you asked, ā€œIs that a codename or something?ā€ You feigned a surprise gasp before you leaned into him further to whisper, ā€œAre you secretly a spy?ā€Ā 
You felt his chest rumbling when he softly laughed. ā€œSomething like that, yeah,ā€ he said, as he played along with your joke.Ā 
But the moment you leaned away from him, you were surprised when you got to see something in him that you couldnā€™t see before. His guard was down, allowing you to see the vulnerability that was buried deep under his suave and smooth talking.Ā 
For a brief moment, he looked broken. Just like you did.Ā 
And from the way he was hiding himself, not only under the short nickname but also from the way he was masking his emotions, you could tell that he was looking for an escape from reality. The same way you did that night.Ā 
So you simply smiled at him, choosing not to pry further to see beyond the mask and play along. Because at the same time, you wanted to hide your broken heart and become someone else to be able to forget everything. Just for one night.Ā 
ā€œThen you can call me Red. Itā€™s my special codename for tonight.ā€Ā 
His grin widened. You could almost see the relief washing over him through his warm gaze when he looked at you.
ā€œItā€™s a pleasure to meet you tonight,ā€ he said, still with his gentle voice that almost felt like sin licking on your skin when he called you, ā€œRed.ā€Ā 
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Two weeks laterā€¦
ā€œHere you go,ā€ your motherā€™s voice snaps you from whatever stupor you have been stuck in. When you open your eyes, a glass of ginger tea has manifested right before you.Ā 
ā€œDrink this,ā€ your Mom says as she points at the drink. ā€œIt should be good for your stomach.ā€Ā 
Your breath gets caught in your throat. Furrowing your brows, you keep your eyes on the drink instead of reaching for it. Thoughts of those past mornings when you and Skye spent searching through the internet to find a way to get rid of your morning sickness come through your mind.Ā 
Does she know? Did she figure it out already? Is it really that obvious?Ā 
You clench your hands and resist the urge to rub against your stomach. It has become a habit of yours to rub around your belly as if trying to feel the baby that is hiding inside whenever you feel agitated.
After getting the positive results through the home test kits, you had gone straight to the doctor only days before you left the city to have it checked, confirming that a baby is growing inside you. It still feels unbelievable to think about it, even after you saw it yourself with your own eyes.Ā 
ā€œItā€™s still really early, and we might not be seeing much yet, but thatā€™s your baby,ā€ the doctorā€™s voice echoes through your mind as you tighten your clenched hands, thinking back to the day you went to have an ultrasound and saw for the first time the growing fetus that was said to be viable to grow fully as a baby.Ā 
Just like how the baby inside you has been nothing more than a blob of mass floating inside your stomach in your mind, your belly itself has yet to change shape. Even if your full awareness of the babyā€™s presence has only been causing you to find small changes in your body that nobody else might be able to see.Ā 
But Mom has been pregnant before, so wouldnā€™t she be able to see it? Will that be possible?
ā€œGinger tea is good for nausea and will give you some energy boost. Your grandma always made it for me whenever I had a stomach ache. Iā€™m sure itā€™ll help get rid of your nausea and your upset stomach will turn better in no time.ā€ Your Mom stops talking and sighs. ā€œYou shouldā€™ve told me that you were sick. I wouldnā€™t have let you drive all the way home if I had known.ā€Ā 
Ah.Ā 
You breathe a sigh of relief. You should be thankful that she believed you when you told her about having an upset stomach from the long drive home from the city. It was the only thing that you could think of as an excuse when your Mom wondered why you hadnā€™t been eating well since you got back home and why you were feeling sick.
It makes you wonder why you have been feeling unwell since you got home. Just when you had purposely waited until you were well enough and had stopped throwing up when you planned for the drive.Ā 
Itā€™s almost as if the baby is deliberately making you sick to let everyone know about your secret.
ā€œThanks, Mom,ā€ you say to your Mom as you reach for the tea, hiding your relieved sigh as you gingerly drink in small sips.Ā 
You have lost count of how many times Skye has made you this drink specifically to stop you from vomiting in the morning before going to work. It has been helping a lot to ease your ā€˜sicknessā€™, and you are feeling it calming your stomach already as the drink warms your body.Ā 
You can feel your motherā€™s eyes on you, making you feel uneasy to be under her watchful gaze. ā€œI think it might be better if you get some rest and take things easy. But are you sure youā€™re okay?ā€ your Mom asks again, still worrying about you.Ā 
You continue drinking the ginger tea slowly while pressing down your guilt. You hate lying to your Mom the most, and now you are starting to regret driving home on your own. If the baby hadnā€™t been the one responsible for your current sickness, then perhaps driving the long distance has been the reason why your nausea is now coming back with a vengeance.
So much for trying to not draw any suspicions.Ā 
ā€œIā€™m fine, Mom. Really,ā€ you sigh as you place the glass down. ā€œThe tea is helping me already. Iā€™ll feel better soon, I promise.ā€Ā 
Your Mom says nothing for a moment, but the crease you see forming on her forehead says differently. ā€œIā€™m not just talking about you being sick. Maybe thereā€™s another reason why youā€™re feeling faint?ā€Ā 
You look up at her just then. The moment you catch the pitiful look she is giving you, you finally understand what she is trying to say.Ā 
Just as Skye predicted, it didnā€™t take long for your family to take notice of your solo arrival. In the past, Hansol would have joined you to visit your family for a day or two during the holidays before he would return to his family on Christmas day. So his absence was quite obvious from the get-go.Ā 
And with the big lie that you have to hide from everyone at home, you had to at least give them one honest truth the moment they started asking.Ā 
ā€œWe ended things a few months ago,ā€ you admitted to your family during the first dinner you had since you got home. By that time, you had already tried to avoid the questions for long enough. Nobody has brought up about it again since then.Ā 
Until now.Ā 
ā€œIf youā€™re talking about the breakup, thereā€™s nothing to worry about. Iā€™m okay, Mom. Itā€™s been months since it happened. Iā€™ve been trying to move on.ā€Ā 
In fact, you havenā€™t been thinking about your ex at all for a long time. Not until you brought it up to Skye and then again when your family started questioning. The only thing you have been worrying about lately is the baby growing inside you and finding a way to search for the father of the baby.Ā 
It was the one thing that you talked about with Skye before you left. While you are capable enough to raise the baby on your own, you decided it would be the best course of action to contact the father and let him know.
In Skyeā€™s own words, ā€œJust in case.ā€Ā 
Just in case the father would care enough to know that he has a son or a daughter coming into this world and wants to be in their life.Ā 
ā€œBut if we fail to find him or he wants nothing to do with the baby, then weā€™ll deal with it on our own. You just got your promotion, I got my good pay. We can raise the baby together. You and me, just like old times.ā€
Skyeā€™s words put a smile on your face. She always knows how to lift your spirit up whenever you feel like giving up, and those exact words have helped boost your confidence and made you believe that you could get through this.Ā 
But first, you just need to get through spending this holiday with your family.Ā 
ā€œI know you said that. But as your Mom, I canā€™t help but worry. I thought you were serious and weā€™ll be hearing some good news about you getting married this year.ā€Ā 
You resist the urge to roll your eyes. ā€œYeah, thatā€™s not going to happen. Sorry, Mom,ā€ you tease her with a bitter chuckle. You donā€™t bother to mention that the two of you had never once talked about marriage throughout your relationship.
Yet another sign that you overlooked. At least you never got to waste anymore time with him.
ā€œThings just didnā€™t work out between us. It happens when a couple grow into two different people in the course of their relationship. Which was exactly what happened to us. Hansol wanted to focus on his career, in return, I also got the chance to focus on mine.ā€Ā 
Just as you said the words, you realise that this is true for your case.Ā 
Hansol has always been career-driven, and it has been growing stronger lately for him with the constant rise he was experiencing in his current company. And breaking up with your long-time boyfriend has allowed you to turn your focus on your job. The recent promotion you gained was a testament to your hard work to show you that there might be a silver lining to everything that has happened.Ā 
ā€œI suppose youā€™re right,ā€ your Mom says with a smile. You are beginning to feel a bit relieved that she seems to understand. You are hoping that she would start talking about something else when she adds, ā€œI just feel sad that it didnā€™t work out for you. And we were all expecting to have Hansol joining us again this year. I guess itā€™s too late now to let your sister know about this since sheā€™s supposed to arrive today.ā€Ā 
Stepsister.Ā 
You lift your glass and slowly drink your tea to stop yourself from correcting her. For some reason, you feel a bit bitter having your mother mention her all so suddenly.Ā 
It isnā€™t that you hate your stepsister. Itā€™s hard to feel something so extreme when you barely had any relationship with her at all. Back when you were younger, your mother did try to get you two to get along and be friends.Ā 
To make her happy, you tried your best to act friendly, or at least to be cordial whenever she was around, even when the only thing she showed you over the years had been nothing but contempt.Ā 
But things changed after a drunken fit that she had last holiday season, when she got drunk and tried to make a move and openly flirted with your then-boyfriend. Even if nothing ever came out of it except for her own embarrassment, as Hansol openly rejected her and stayed away from her for the remaining time he was here, the incident still left a bad taste that made you feel bitter.Ā 
That was when you finally decided that you would stop trying to be nice.
You put down the glass and try to remain calm. Whatā€™s done is done. All you have to do is focus on getting through this holiday before going back to the city and start with your mission to search for the babyā€™s father.
ā€œWhat does Alia have to do with my break up?ā€ you ask your mother, hoping that she wouldnā€™t bring up the drama from last year.Ā 
ā€œOh, itā€™s nothing serious, really,ā€ your Mom answers with a soft chuckle, ā€œItā€™s just that Alia called home sometime last week, asking if she could bring someone over this Christmas. She said that sheā€™s been seeing someone new and since she was bringing him to meet her mother, she wondered if it would be okay if she could bring him along to meet us too.ā€Ā 
Your Mom sighs, looking a bit guilty when she adds, ā€œWe figured since you might bring Hansol with you, it would be okay if she has her new boyfriend along. Maybe the guys could get along and spend time together while you and Alia catch up.ā€Ā 
You try to imagine you and Alia catching up like old friends orā€”just like what your Mom has been wishing you to beā€”as sisters, and you almost shake your head.Ā 
Yeah, that seems unlikely, you bitterly wonder to yourself, yet you donā€™t have the heart to tell your mother that there is not much hope for you and Alia to be good friends.Ā 
ā€œI guess itā€™s a shame that Hansol isnā€™t here,ā€ you simply say to your mother while you inwardly wonder just what your stepsister is really up to this year.Ā 
ā€œYeah, itā€™s unfortunate,ā€ your mother says with a sigh. ā€œBut Iā€™m glad that at least both of you girls can make it home this year.ā€Ā 
ā€œMe too, Mom,ā€ you force a smile, silently hoping that you can start talking about something else. Something that doesnā€™t concern your bitter stepsister coming home or bringing up any dark thoughts about your ex. ā€œSo, what are we having for dinner? Want my help in the kitchen?ā€Ā 
Your question immediately puts everything into motion, drifting her attention away from your sappy story and the false hope of sisterhood that may never happen between you and your stepsister. Your Mom tries to stop you from helping out in the kitchen at first but finally gives in when you keep insisting.Ā 
At least, this way, you can keep your mind busy enough to stop it from thinking about unnecessary thoughts the way it often does when you are alone.Ā 
Things seem to be going on well enough at first, until your sickness returns and you have to give up trying.Ā 
ā€See, I told you that you should be resting until you feel better,ā€ your mother complains as she watches you bending over, keeping away from the stove and what is currently cooking on top of it which seems to be making you feel dizzy and sick.Ā 
After garlic, lemon-scented air freshener, and coconut milk, seems you are going to have to add raw chicken to the list of things that may trigger your nausea.
ā€œBut then Iā€™ll be bored like hell,ā€ you argue, ā€œIā€™m fine, Mom. Just let me take a quick break for a minute.ā€Ā 
Your mother looks as if she wants to say something, but the sound of a car coming into the driveway interrupts her. Both of you turn to look out towards the living room, just in time to see your stepfather, Cliff, turning in the corner of the hall and rushing towards the front door.Ā 
ā€œHoney, theyā€™re here!ā€ he calls out, and you urge your mother to join him.Ā 
ā€œGo, Mom. Iā€™ll finish things up and make sure nothing gets burned before I join you guys.ā€
Once your mother is out of the kitchen, you can no longer resist pressing your palm on your stomach.Ā 
ā€œSeriously, baby,ā€ you whisper to the non-existent bump under your sweater, ā€œPlease take it easy, will you? Iā€™m really struggling here, and youā€™re not making things easy for me. Trust me, it would be too soon for everyone to find out about you. At least wait until we can find a clue about your Dad, okay?ā€Ā 
As if the baby inside you is listening, even if it is still barely full-grown at this point, your body grows calmer and the nausea slowly wanes.Ā 
ā€œThank you, baby,ā€ you whisper to your stomach once again before finally focusing on the stove and the oven, deliberately taking your time with what you do just so you can have a reason not to join the dramatic reunion happening right this minute.Ā 
From this side of the kitchen, the front door isnā€™t completely visible. But you can hear everything as the door opens and your stepfather joyfully welcomes his daughter.Ā 
Hearing his voice makes you smile. You may have had a tumultuous relationship with your stepsister, but the same cannot be said with your stepfather. Cliff has always been a great role model, and your relationship with him has always been great from the start.Ā 
It makes you feel guilty when you think about the previous encounters where you and your stepsister simply gave each other cold shoulders or when you were met with altercations just because of how different the two of you are. But there is no helping it. Nothing has changed over the years no matter how hard you tried. Not even once you have become adults.Ā 
You canā€™t even remember how it first started. And frankly, you no longer care. Last yearā€™s incident was already enough to let you know that the sisterhood that your parents have been forcing you into was beyond saving.Ā 
The voices coming from the front door continue for a moment longer. This time, you get to hear your motherā€™s voice joining in the conversation and Aliaā€™s soft voice answering her questions. You make no effort to listen to what they are saying and tune out their voices, until your motherā€™s voice calls out to you.Ā 
ā€œ______, your sister is here. Come and say hi.ā€Ā 
Your motherā€™s words make you stop. Slowly, you turn down the heat on the stove and turn to make your way towards the front door to join the family reunion.Ā 
ā€œItā€™s stepsister,ā€ you mutter under your breath as you drag your feet, taking your sweet time while you try to compose yourself before having to face the unwanted guests.Ā 
As you turn around the corner, merely moments before the front door finally comes into view, you get to hear another voice speaking. The voice that you couldnā€™t clearly hear from the kitchen while you were tuning their conversation out.Ā 
ā€œIā€™m sorry for intruding. But thank you for having me here.ā€Ā 
That voice.Ā 
You immediately come to a halt. An uneasy feeling runs through your body when you realise that you recognise this voice and have grown to know it quite well.Ā 
There is no mistaking it. You may not have gotten his full name on the night you met, and his face has somewhat become a faint mirage in your dreams at night whenever you are taken back to the night of your hookup.
But you cannot say the same about his voice.Ā 
That deep and gentle voice will always be engraved in your memory. Even now, the only thing you would need to do is close your eyes and listen, and allow the voice to take you back to that specific night once more, where he used this voice to say sinful words that you could feel caressing your fragile heart while he was bringing you to the peak of pleasure.
And now you are hearing that voice here, at your home, idly chatting with your mother by the front door.Ā 
ā€œ_______, are you coming?ā€ your mother calls again, and you know that there is no avoiding it. You have to face reality, even if that means you must come face to face with the man who is responsible for placing you in this situation.
Tamping down the rush of nerves going through your body, you slowly march ahead. Bracing yourself as you turn around the corner and enter the living room where everyone is currently gathering in.
Your eyes fall on your stepsister first.Ā 
Alia has always looked so vibrant and beautiful, drawing all kinds of attention from everyone in the room whenever she is present. Yet when you look at her now, there seems to be a new kind of light emerging from her. Even her smile seems brighter as she chats along with your stepfather. Ā 
And you soon realise the reason why she is shining brightly today as you turn your gaze to look at the person standing beside her. To finally see him.Ā 
He looks just like how you remember him. Tall and lean, with his arms and chest filling up his sweater. He has his hair falling over a part of his face, just enough of a mess that seems as if he has been running his fingers through the wavy strands. As he converses with your mother, he shows his boxy grin that seems familiar to your eyes.Ā 
Too familiar.Ā 
Because it looks just the same as the wide grin that was teasing and flirting with you on one eventful night at the transit hotel weeks ago.Ā 
No. That canā€™t be.
The babyā€™s daddy is here. The man who you were planning to look for once you return to the city.Ā 
He is here, today, appearing at the front door of your parentsā€™ home together with your stepsister. His long fingers that had once entangled between the strands of your hair are now entwined with your stepsisterā€™s dainty fingers. And there is no mistaking the matching couple rings that are glowing under the sunlight coming from their entwined hands.Ā 
Before you get the chance to process what is happening, you hear him introducing himself to your stepfather, ā€œItā€™s good to see you, Sir. My name is Taehyung.ā€Ā 
No.Ā 
You stifle a gasp. It feels like you have been sucker-punched right in the chest that you can barely breathe.Ā 
Taehyung, you wonder. Tae?Ā 
All of a sudden, you feel as if the ground beneath your feet is tilting over, slowly taking you down with it. And since you seem to have lost the ability to move your feet, the only thing you can do to stop yourself from falling is to clench your hands tightly by your side. Tight enough to feel pain as your nails are sinking into your palms, convincing you that this is not a dream.Ā 
Yet you are still in denial as you watch the interaction happening right before your eyes. Because there is no way this is happening. There is no possible way that it is truly him.Ā 
Please. Please donā€™t let it be him.Ā 
It must have been your mind playing tricks on you. Because there is no way that he is here. Not as your stepsisterā€™s new boyfriend.Ā 
This must be a mistake. Yes, you are probably confused and all the thoughts of finding your baby daddy are messing up with your head, forcing you to believe that your stepsisterā€™s new boyfriend is your mysterious baby daddy. The fact that they have the same name must have been pure coincidence.Ā 
For once in your life, you donā€™t want to be right. You have to be wrong.Ā 
Please tell me that itā€™s not him.Ā 
Just then, as if life was listening to your prayers, as if life has yet to have enough of its games to play around with your heart, the man turns his gaze away from your parents. And those pretty eyes land on you.Ā 
As if there is a switch turned, the brightness in his gaze fades. His beautiful eyes are filled with recognition. It is so subtle that you are quite sure that nobody else around you notices it, but it is enough to let you know that your memories have been right all along.Ā 
Because those are the same eyes that you saw looking back at you with pure lust and sin while he was bringing you wanton pleasure, when you made love as if both of you had been under a spell, right on the very night that may have changed your fate forever.Ā 
Fuck.Ā 
Me.
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At one glance, this moment would seem like any other pre-holiday family dinner. It may seem picture perfect, evenā€”if you had been a stranger looking in.Ā 
There are still a couple of days left until Christmas Day, yet the festive mood has already filled the room. From the living room, all the way to the dining room, Christmas decorations are already plastered across the walls and hung from the ceiling. On the dining table, the delectable meal that your mother worked hard to prepareā€”with your poor assistanceā€”had been perfectly laid out.Ā 
With Aliaā€™s arrival today, the immediate family is now complete. Ever the charming daughter, Alia takes up the attention of everyone around her as she shares her storyā€”about how she has been travelling between different states and some neighbouring countries, changing jobs, finding new hobbies, and even planning to adopt a new pet.Ā 
Sitting at the head of the table, your stepfather is soaking it all in, enjoying the time he has with his daughter whom he rarely gets to see throughout the year. Your mother sits on his right, getting the front seat of their merry reunion. She would sometimes chime in, never failing to try to get you into joining their idle chat even when you are not feeling up to it.Ā 
Other times, you would have been able to easily play along. From making cordial comments and joining with all the light jokes shared by your family, or feigning interest in anything that Alia might be sharing at the tableā€”even when she rarely would share the same courtesy when you did the same.Ā 
Tonight, however, it feels like a struggle for you to focus on the conversation shared at the table, let alone pretend to be interested. Not when you are busy trying your best to calm your nerves.Ā 
You can't even embrace the same warm atmosphere that everyone seems to be sharing.Ā 
For you, the air around feels stifling and tense. It has been this way ever since you sat down right next to your mother for dinner. Because due to the seating arrangement, the special guest of the night is now sitting right across from you at the table.Ā 
Taehyung.Ā 
The last person that you had ever expected to see. Not here. Certainly not at your home or sharing the same space with your parents.Ā 
It seems surreal to meet him here like this. Even more so when he was introduced to your family as Aliaā€™s new boyfriend.
Judging from the way he reacted when he first saw you, you can tell that he never expected something like this could ever happen. You know that he has questions, perhaps just as much as you do, yet the situation that you found yourself in right now isnā€™t allowing you to even show any sign that the two of you know each other or to have met before today.Ā 
But there is something in the way he is looking at you that doesnā€™t sit right with you. Aside from the lingering shock you see each time your eyes accidentally meet each other, there is a look that shows a semblance of guilt, despair, and at the same time, filled with wonder.Ā 
Was it because he never expected to see you again after that night, much less to find out that you are somehow related to the woman that he is dating? Or was there something else going through his mind?Ā 
ā€œThis is Aliaā€™s sister, ______,ā€ was what your mother said when she first introduced you to him. At that point, you and Taehyung were stunned to silence, and for a brief moment, neither of you reacted.Ā 
Thinking about it now, you canā€™t even remember how you managed to join your family in the living room. The moment you saw Taehyung standing there, your legs nearly gave out. It was a wonder how you managed to stop yourself from falling or tripping as you walked over to them in a state of distraught.Ā 
ā€œHi, itā€™s good to see you,ā€ was all that you managed to croak out of once you snapped out of it. You didnā€™t even give him a chance to respond when you suddenly turned your attention to your stepsister, forcing a smile on your face when you greeted her, ā€œHey, Alia. Itā€™s good to see you. You seem well.ā€Ā 
You canā€™t even remember the expression that Alia gave you when she responded to you, ā€œUh yeah, thanks. You too.ā€Ā 
ā€œRight. Well, Iā€™ll let you guys settle in. I left the stove on, soā€”ā€Ā 
That was the last thing you said before you turned away and quickly left the room, practically running away from him to hide back in the kitchen. The last thing you heard as you walked away was your motherā€™s voice saying something about you being her assistant of the day in the kitchen while you were feeling unwell, as if excusing you for your unmannerly attitude.Ā 
By the time you got back in the kitchen, your hands were shaking, your heartbeat was racing so fast you could barely breathe. It took a long time for the shock to wane, and you had spent the rest of the day staying away from both of them, avoiding him entirely until you were finally called to join dinner.Ā 
And you are still avoiding him even now, keeping your head down as much as you can and resisting the urge to look his way. As if it isnā€™t hard enough for you to have him sitting right in front of you, you can feel the heat of his gaze constantly following you whenever you are not looking.
He doesnā€™t make it so obvious, and it doesnā€™t seem like anyone else has noticed it yet. Perhaps you are just too hyperaware of his presence that you caught on to it so easily.
You sneak a glance at your stepsister, wondering if Alia has taken notice of her boyfriendā€™s wandering gaze or where he has been directing his eyes. It takes you watching the conversation between her and your parents more closely to see it.Ā 
Because it turns out that she also has her own gaze wandering to questionable places at the same time that she isnā€™t paying much attention to her boyfriend.Ā 
Each time Alia turns to regard your mother or speak to her, her gaze flickers away briefly, ever so subtly landing on the seat to your right. At the seat that Hansol would usually occupy whenever he joined you during these holiday visits.Ā 
It is easy to catch it when you are seeing it from your angle. And it is easy to guess what is going through her head when she keeps doing it with a curious look written all over her face. An unspoken question seems to linger, while the incident from last year keeps flashing through your head when you picture Hansol being present beside you.Ā 
Even if nobody notices her intention, you doubt that anyone would question her about it, seeing that the seat that was supposed to be left empty has been taken by someone else.Ā 
While you are busy trying to make sense out of everything, your grandmother makes a disapproval noise with her tongue, grabbing your attention. ā€œAre you still feeling under the weather? Youā€™ve been drinking that boring thing the whole day,ā€ she says, referring to the glass of iced tea that you have just put down after taking a drink from it to cool down.Ā 
You turn to look at your dear grandmother, Honey, and smile at her. She probably hasnā€™t realised what a saving grace she has been for taking the unoccupied seat to your right the minute she came in for dinner.Ā 
And she is now helping you again by drawing your attention away from the source of your dismay. Immediately, you feel better the moment you are met with Honeyā€™s smile.Ā 
ā€œIā€™m feeling much better, actually. Iā€™m just being careful not to drink anything that might get me sick,ā€ you answer carefully, hoping to sound reasonable enough without making anyone question your ā€˜sicknessā€™ any further.Ā 
The more you lie to your family about it, the more guilty you feel. You donā€™t have much choice at the moment but to hide it just a bit longer.Ā 
At first, you couldnā€™t share the news with your parents simply because you were still clueless about how you were going to find the father of the baby with only limited information you had of him. But then things only got even more complicated for you to ever come clean when he walked through the front door of your parentsā€™ home.Ā 
What are the odds that the man you hooked up with turns out to be the man your stepsister is currently dating? And here you are now, stuck in the same room with them while hiding a secret which may change the course of everyoneā€™s entire life.
Yeah, miracles donā€™t exist. Not for me, at least.
Honey taps at your hand on the table as you grow silent, oblivious to the thoughts running through your head. ā€œYou know what you need?ā€ she asks, whispering in a conspiring tone that she barely keeps down so that everyone at the table can still hear her voice.Ā 
And she does it while looking at you with her wide, expecting eyes, with the barely concealed mischief written all over her face. It makes you smile, knowing where this is going. So you simply play along.Ā 
"No, Honey. What would that be?ā€Ā 
Her mischievous smile widens as she leans closer. ā€œA hint of rum. With a few drops into that boring tea of yours, youā€™ll feel better in no time,ā€ she says, lifting her hand and showing you a pinching gesture with her thumb and forefinger nearly touching each other, ā€œJust a pinch. Or better yet, just trade your whole glassā€”ā€Ā 
The sound of your Momā€™s frustrated sigh cuts her off. ā€œMom, I already told you, giving her alcohol isnā€™t going to make her feel better. Iā€™ve already given her some herbal tea, that should be enough until she can get a proper rest.ā€
ā€œOh, posh,ā€ Honey says, waving her hand at your mother. ā€œIgnore your Mom,ā€ Honey says just as you are about to respond. ā€œIā€™m telling you. Alcohol is best to cure your heartbreak,ā€ she adds, and you certainly have no arguments against that. Alcohol might be able to help you forget.Ā 
But, alasā€¦
But, wait a minute. You stop and look closely at Honey. What is she talking about?Ā 
ā€œWhat do you mean?ā€ you question her while tilting your head, wondering deep down if she had noticed something. Surely, she wouldnā€™t be able to tell the high tension rolling between you and Taehyung through dinner.Ā 
Nobody else could. But you also know that if there is anyone in your family who might be able to catch on with the tension rolling between the two of you, it would be Honey.Ā 
Once again, Honey reaches out and taps her dainty fingers on the back of your hand. ā€œIsnā€™t that why youā€™re feeling down, peaches? I know youā€™re still thinking about that good for nothingā€”ā€Ā 
Honey stops herself and bites down her smile before you can figure out what she is about to say. But you have heard enough to understand who she is referring to.Ā 
Relief washes over you when you realise that she was talking about your ex, Hansol. She must have thought that you have been stressing over the breakup and you have been feeling unwell because of it.
Honey leans in, this time lowering her voice just enough only for you to hear. ā€œYou mustā€™ve taken it from me. I also get a stomach bug when Iā€™m stressed out. Just like last summer when I lost a go-stop game against the ladies from the block,ā€ she says, before she continues blabbering about how she had made bets during the game and went all-in only to lose everything.Ā 
ā€œYou might think that theyā€™re nothing but small pennies used for gambling coins, but I spent a whole week collecting them. How am I supposed to replace all of them before the next game?ā€ she continues to complain, while you laugh at her.Ā 
Her story takes away the tension on your shoulders for a brief moment before she adds, ā€œAnd then you had to come here and watch these two being all lovey-dovey with each other.ā€Ā 
As Honey mentions the pair sitting across the table, waving her hand at them to make a point, your eyes are drawn towards them once more. And your gaze lands right on Aliaā€™s hand which is now resting on top of Taehyungā€™s.Ā 
Seeing this makes you feel tight in the chest. Bitterness fills your mouth which you can barely hide with a tight smile. Honey may not have been entirely correct with her assumptions, yet her comment still hits the mark somehow.Ā 
Not about Hansol, obviously, as he is the one to occupy your mind the least. Yet she wasnā€™t too far off when she talked about the new pair of lovers before you. Seeing them does make you uncomfortable, miserable even, but for entirely different reasons.Ā 
Looking away from their joined hands, your gaze meets Aliaā€™s. She is wearing an unreadable expression on her face as she listens in to Honeyā€™s words. And the strange look that she is giving you now is making you feel uneasy.
Just as you start wondering if Alia has noticed something, she instead asks you, ā€œYou guys broke up?ā€Ā 
She throws a quick glance at Honeyā€™s seat with a frown. For others, she might seem concerned, yet there is a look in her eyes which tells you that there is something more. ā€œI was wondering why I havenā€™t seen him around. He was with us last holiday.ā€Ā 
Her comment rubs you in the wrong way. You have no idea why she would care when your relationship has nothing to do with her. But you try to not let it bother you. ā€œYes, itā€™s been months now since we broke up. I only told Mom and Dad yesterday when I first got home.ā€Ā 
ā€œI see,ā€ she says. Her voice comes out so softly that it almost comes out as a murmur. She pulls her hand back and places it on her lap. ā€œThatā€™s too bad. Iā€™m sorry,ā€ she adds while offering a small smile. And for some reason, she also seems guilty.Ā 
Does she think it has something to do with what happened last year?Ā 
Her words remind you of something that she said to you last year, back on the morning you confronted her after her drunken blunder which happened the night before.Ā 
ā€œIā€™m sorry, I donā€™t know what I was thinking. I didnā€™t mean anything, I swear. Itā€™s just drunk talking.ā€Ā 
That incident shouldnā€™t be bothering you today. Yet it still makes you feel bitter when you think about it. The feeling only grows worse when you glance at Taehyung who is showing a sudden interest in this whole thing.Ā 
ā€œItā€™s fine. Sometimes things just donā€™t work out,ā€ you simply repeat the same thing you said to your mother earlier while biting back the real question that is hanging right at the tip of your tongue.Ā 
But whatā€™s in it to you?Ā 
No matter how curious you are to know what kind of scheme that is going through her pretty little head, you know itā€™s not worth all the drama that it might cause. You cannot even possibly imagine the drama that would unfold once this whole baby thing comes out.
God, just thinking about it is already making your stomach churn. Your lower abdomen suddenly feels hard and heavy. As if you have a full-size lead inside instead of a small, growing blob that is about to form into an actual living baby within a few weeks from now.Ā 
Thinking about the baby, your eyes find the man who is behind all of this. He has grown oddly quiet while you were conversing with your stepsister and is now staring at his food with a frown on his face.
ā€œSo tell me,ā€ you ask calmly while clenching your hands, doing your best to hide the trembles, ā€œHow did you two meet?ā€
This question immediately draws Taehyungā€™s attention. His eyes snap up, but the moment he looks at you, his face seems to grow pale and he becomes awfully nervous.
ā€œWe, uhā€”we used to work at the same company before Alia left to venture into other things,ā€ he says, almost stuttering. He also keeps stealing glances at Alia, as if begging her to help him out.Ā 
Huh, strange.
What is it about answering your simple question which makes him so nervous?Ā 
Or perhapsā€¦
Have they been seeing each other when the two of you hooked up?Ā 
Fuck.Ā 
The moment this thought crosses your mind, you suddenly feel sick. Your stomach grows heavier with anxiety. Meanwhile, Aliaā€™s smile seems to beam brighter.Ā 
ā€œWe didnā€™t work in the same division back then, but we would frequently meet during breaks and company hours. Had it been, what, a year after we last met?ā€ Alia turns to Taehyung, who stiffly nods his head. She grabs his hand once again and looks at him lovingly as she continues, ā€œWe met again last summer by chance while I was travelling and started talking since then.ā€Ā 
Last summer? But that was beforeā€”
Your head starts spinning. You grab your glass and take a couple of small sips of your tea to regain composure, yet the drink suddenly tastes bitter on your tongue.Ā 
Honeyā€™s voice barely registers in your brain when she responds with a hum. ā€œTravelling in the summer? That sounds like a charming way to meet a new lover,ā€ she says, lifting her mug to her lips as she continues marvelling at your stepsisterā€™s story. ā€œYou must have felt some sparks when you two met. I bet youā€™re still feeling it now, arenā€™t you?ā€
You have no idea what she has inside that ceramic mug, as she had been nursing the same drink since even before dinner started. You can bet money that she had more than a pinch of rum dropped inside that drink of hers, seeing how talkative she is becoming.Ā 
Oh, how you wish you could have a taste of it. Just a sip would have been good enough. Maybe it can also help to stop your hands from trembling.Ā 
ā€œAnd the ring?ā€ Honey asks again with a teasing tone as she points at their entwined hands. ā€œI noticed that you two are wearing matching rings. You canā€™t possibly be engaged already, can you?ā€Ā 
Almost choking on your drink, you slowly set your glass back down and pull your hands onto your lap, hiding them from prying eyes just in time as they begin to shake.
ā€œBut it wasnā€™t that different back in the day,ā€ Honey continues, ā€œI remember that Russā€”thatā€™s my dear late husband,ā€ she explains to Taehyung, ā€œhe bought me a cheap ring at the beginning of our relationship to show me and my parents that he was serious about courting me.ā€Ā 
On any other times that Honey would speak about your late grandfather, you would always enjoy listening to every word, admiring how she would always share her story with pure love in her voice and wonder glowing in her eyes.Ā 
But not this time.Ā 
Ever since she pointed out the ring and started talking about your grandfatherā€™s old promises, you start having trouble breathing. The more she speaks, the worse it gets, and now there is a ringing sound echoing in your ear that seems to be coming from different directions.Ā 
ā€œI still keep the ring with me, side by side with the wedding ring that doesnā€™t fit anymore on these wrinkly fingers of mine,ā€ Honey keeps gushing. She raises her hands and starts wiggling her fingers to show them off, while your whole body grows tense.Ā 
Alia shares a nervous laugh with Taehyung and waves her hand at Honey. ā€œOh, noā€¦itā€™s actually a part of a joke that weā€”ā€Ā 
You try to tune out the voices, the words that are being said, while clasping your hands tighter together on your lap, but the shaking doesnā€™t stop. Aliaā€™s voice fades in and out beyond the loud ringing in your head as she continues to tell her story about how they started dating and the ring came to be. With everything that is going on, added with your awareness over Taehyungā€™s intense gaze that doesnā€™t seem to waver, it becomes too overwhelming that you feel as if you are slowly being swallowed into the ground beneath you.Ā 
With a sharp gasp, you slowly push yourself out of your seat. ā€œExcuse me, I have toā€”ā€ your voice cracks as you speak. As you stand, you notice that everyone has their eyes on you, all curious to know what is happening with you.Ā 
ā€œ_______?ā€ you hear your mother calling you.
You can feel the blood draining from your face under all the unwanted attention, making you wish that you could just fade away right at that moment. But then your hand find its way to your stomach, and it almost feels like there is a touch of warmth forming under your palm. It helps you force a smile and gather yourself just enough to say, ā€œIā€™m sorry, but Iā€™m not feeling well, so Iā€™m going to step out early. I hope thatā€™s alright. You guys enjoy the rest of dinner.ā€Ā 
You donā€™t wait for anyoneā€™s response as you turn away, finding your escape merely moments before you get into a full-blown meltdown right in front of everyone.Ā 
Your legs are wobbly as you walk down the hall, yet you still manage to slip into the guest bathroom downstairs. With trembling hands, you lock the door behind you, shutting yourself from the world outside.Ā 
And that is when you fall apart, turning into a heaving mess as everything that you have been bottling up inside comes flooding out of you.Ā 
ā€œBreathe,ā€ you command yourself while you fight back against your nausea. Holding onto the bathroom counter, you keep yourself and try your best to focus on controlling your breath.Ā 
Take a slow, deep breath. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.Ā 
Little by little, all the tension, the trembling, and the tightness in your chest begin to wane. But once everything is gone, once you begin to find calmness, your emotions seize control of you.
The next thing you know, an unstoppable flow of tears comes running down your face and you start sobbing, crying in defeat.Ā 
ā€œShit. Fuck. What a mess,ā€ you curse between each sob, feeling absolutely helpless and alone. You close your eyes, hoping that you can clear your head by doing so. Yet your mind keeps going to dark places. Constantly wondering and questioning about all of this.Ā 
About him.Ā 
ā€œDid he ever mention anything that was related to his personal life that night?ā€ you cannot help but wonder out loud.Ā 
Only silence answers. Because you hold little to no recollection of the details from the conversation you shared with him that night. Whenever you try to remember, it always feels like there was a part of your memory that had gone missing.Ā 
You havenā€™t had the slightest clue of the things you shared with him at the bar once the drinks started coming more frequently. Which is a wonder, because you are completely sure that neither of you had gotten drunk enough to experience a blackout, much less lose a memory.
At least for you, the alcohol was just enough to burn through your nerves and help build your confidence to take the lead and openly show the attraction you had for him. Even if he did end up taking back control the moment the two of you finally gave in to temptation.Ā 
Your head starts pounding, aching the more you try to remember the missing details. Meanwhile, all the questions wonā€™t stop coming, making it harder for you to regain a peaceful mind.
Did he ever mention having a girlfriend, or at least give any hint that he was taken?Ā 
Was he wearing that ring on his finger when he was touching your skin under the dim light of his bedroom suite?Ā 
You shake your head and close your eyes again when you still remember nothing. The only thing that remains in your memory is the look you saw in his gaze that night. The pitiful look that seemed to mirror yours, making you believe that he was looking for the same thing you did that night.Ā 
An escape. A way to forget even if for a moment.Ā 
But what if that was all just another lie?Ā 
Your stomach churns. A sharp pain comes shooting through your body. It starts from your lower abdomen, causing you to almost double over.Ā 
Fuck. Now what?Ā 
Your hand instantly comes down to your stomach, pressing and rubbing gently against it until the uncomfortable ache ebbs under your touch.Ā 
Right, Iā€™m supposed to avoid any form of stress, you remind yourself as you recall what your doctor told you the last time you went to see her. Something about getting your blood tension rising when you are stressed, and that it wouldnā€™t be good for both you and the baby in the long run. Closing your eyes, you try to think of happy thoughts, all while keeping your palm pressed on your stomach.
To your surprise, rubbing your palm against the barely-there baby bump on your belly isnā€™t just helping you to soothe the pain away, but also to calm yourself down.Ā 
With a sigh, you gently wipe your tears and look down. ā€œIā€™m sorry for swearing so much, baby. I promise to stop doing it once youā€™ve grown big enough to start hearing things so you wonā€™t learn any of it too soon. But fuck, this is too much.ā€Ā 
It feels odd to speak like this to the living being growing inside you that is barely more than a piece of flesh. Yet speaking to your growing baby seems to help ease your anxiety a little.Ā 
Better yet, it helps make you feel less alone.Ā 
ā€œLetā€™s not think any bad thoughts. Letā€™s not assume that your Dad is an asshole, okay? Not until we get to hear the full story,ā€ you whisper to the tiny human growing inside you. The more you speak to it, the more it seems to be helping you to find some ease of mind.Ā 
But even if it turns out that he wasā€¦
ā€œThen I can deal with it later with my head held high,ā€ you murmur to yourself in a soft, yet reassuring tone of voice. And you repeat it again, and again, almost as if you are chanting a spell which would be able to give you a boost of confidence.Ā 
It may not immediately change the way you look at things, yet you can feel it slowly rising within you. It feels like a ray of light, the first spark of hope that you get to feel amid all the uncertainty which surrounds you.
Soon enough, the strong urge to cry no longer overcomes you. Even your hands have stopped shaking. All that you have left is exhaustion. It rolls through your body with a vengeance, and there is nothing that you want more right now other than to curl up like a ball on your bed and sleep it off.Ā 
You raise your head to look at yourself in the mirror, and instantly a bitter laugh escapes you at what you are seeing.
Because you look like a complete mess. Your life is slowly turning into shambles, and it seems to be mocking you through your own reflection that is now staring back at you.Ā 
ā€œJust exactly what I need,ā€ you whisper with a sigh.
I need to be stronger, if only for the sake of this little one in me, you tell yourself as you splash cold water at your face to wash away all the messā€”the drying tears, your swollen eyes, and the skin on your face which has yet to regain its normal colours.Ā 
It feels therapeutic to be washing everything off, leaving nothing more but your swollen eyes which you can explain as a part of your sickness. You may not be strong enough to take on the world, but at least now, you are prepared to face the reality that is waiting for you right outside of this door.Ā 
No matter how fucking messy it is.Ā 
Having this new revelation should be giving you a newfound credence that could push you forward. And yet there is none of that here. The only thing you are feeling now is the new bout of anxiety rolling up through your body, starting from your stomach as it churns painfully.
ā€œYeah, now I feel sick,ā€ you groan as you rush to the toilet bowl, seconds away before you start dumping the small amount of food you had during dinner into waste.Ā 
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It takes a bit longer than expected before you finally find the courage to step out of the bathroom.Ā 
Soft murmurs filter into the bathroom the moment you open the door. You can tell that the voices are coming from the living room, which means that the family has gathered there after dinner. It allows you to breathe a sigh of relief. At least this way you wouldnā€™t have to hide or make excuses if you have to bump into someone on your way to your bedroom.
Stepping out of the bathroom, you are relieved that nobody is around. Everyone should be in the living room, so you make haste, hoping to be able to escape before anyone notices.Ā 
But as you turn to the next hallway, someone is standing in your way. The light is dim, yet you can easily recognise him before you get any closer. Standing with his back leaning against the wall, he has his hands tucked into his pockets and his eyes looking absently into the distance.Ā 
As though he has been waiting for you.Ā 
Taehyung turns when he notices you coming. Before you can start to wonder what he is doing here, a smile grows on his face.
ā€œHey, is everything okay? Everyone was worried,ā€ he asks you, sounding genuinely concerned.Ā 
The calm tone of his voice might be a bit deceiving if only you are not looking into his eyes. His gaze keeps wavering as he speaks, as if he is unable to look at you for too long. The same guilt you saw earlier is still present in his eyes. And you hate seeing it there.Ā 
It only tells you that he has a secret that he is keeping from you. You have no idea how to feel about it. But if it has to do with his relationship with Alia, thenā€”
ā€œIā€™m fine, itā€™s justā€”ā€Ā 
Your cheeks grow warm the moment you speak, feeling embarrassed at how dry your voice sounds. ā€œItā€™s nothing. You heard my Mom, Iā€™ll be better in no time.ā€Ā 
You have so many things to say to him. So many questions that you would like to give him. But you are too tired to do anything. Much less to talk. As much as you can convince yourself that you are ready to face anything, now is not the right time to do it.Ā 
So you keep your mouth shut and try to walk past him instead. Only that he isnā€™t letting you go that easily.Ā 
ā€œYou know, it really is nice to see you again, Red.ā€Ā 
His voice sounds so subdued that you almost miss it. You come to a halt. Your heartbeat starts picking up again. If you ever needed confirmation that the sinful night you shared with him truly happened, and that he remembered any part of it, then this is it.Ā 
His comment which instantly brings you back to that fateful night. The nickname that he used to call you then.
You close your eyes, refusing to remember the way he managed to draw out a myriad of sensations with his voice alone. You refuse to be brought back there again. Not now, when your mind isnā€™t clear enough to be dealing with this. Taking a deep breath, you compose yourself just enough to face him.
Only to be met with his amused smile as he looks at you.Ā 
ā€œI was surprised to see you. I never would have thought that you could somehow be related to Alia.ā€ He lets out a chuckle. It sounds empty and a bit bitter, mirroring exactly how you are feeling right now.Ā 
Your chest feels tight, hating the way he is saying her name. Nor do you enjoy seeing the way his gaze changes when he does it. Annoyance fills your chest that you can barely speak, while he remains in his blissful ignorance as he continues talking,Ā 
ā€œFunny how life works, doesnā€™t it? I kept thinking about you after we met and wondered if we would ever see each other again. I regretted that I didnā€™t ask for your number before we parted ways. I didnā€™t even get to ask for your real name.ā€Ā 
The tightness in your chest grows tenfold.Ā 
You never admitted it beforeā€”not to yourself, and not even to Skye, when you first talked about himā€”yet there was some point between that night and the day you found out about the pregnancy that you spent your nights wondering if you would ever see him again.Ā 
If there had been one thing that you regretted about that night, it would be the decision you made to leave the next morning without asking for his real name or leaving any means of contact.Ā 
A night to escape from reality.Ā 
That was all it meant for you at the time. So when the morning came, it was time for you to return to reality. Your reality. Your real life. And you were too busy preparing yourself to face all the hurt, the bad memories, and the stressful life that had nothing to do with the desirable woman that he brought into his bed the night before to even consider exchanging contacts with him.Ā 
It didnā€™t matter if you were still riding the high of that nightā€™s self-gratification and wanton pleasure through the rest of your trip. The moment everything ended, you simply moved on from it. Putting everything about that night to the back of your mind as you returned to your normal life and quickly fell back into your normal routine.Ā 
Until weeks later, when life decided to fuck you over and you ended up with a baby growing inside you, and you had no way to find or contact him to inform him about it.Ā 
ā€œI guess it canā€™t be helped, given the circumstances.ā€ Your conviction quickly melts into dread once you are reminded of the current circumstances. ā€œItā€™s kinda too late now to talk about it and regret what didnā€™t happen, donā€™t you think? Seeing that youā€™re now dating my stepsister.ā€Ā 
Taehyung winces. For a brief moment, you almost believe you can see a glimpse of hurt flickering through his gaze. And for some reason, it only pisses you off.Ā 
So he doesnā€™t like being reminded of the fact that he is here for someone else?Ā 
ā€œLook, about Alia. I was hoping that we could talk. Maybe when all of this is done, or maybe after the holidays we canā€”ā€Ā 
He continues talking, but you arenā€™t hearing anything. The questions that flooded your brain earlier come flashing back. The ringing that pained you returns. Everything lasts for a few more seconds before your mind clears out, and only one question remains.Ā 
ā€œWere the two of you already dating when we slept together?ā€Ā 
He falls silent, taken aback.Ā 
ā€œNo!ā€ he immediately says, almost shouting. But he quickly reins himself before his voice would reach where everyone is and draw their attention. ā€œFuck, no. Is that why youā€™ve been sulking all through dinner?ā€ he asks you with a hiss. He seems offended and hurt at the same time. ā€œIā€™m not that kind of guy. Trust me.ā€Ā 
ā€œSulking?ā€ you let out an incredulous laugh. Is that how he saw it? When you were coming close to breaking apart right in front of everyone because of him?Ā 
ā€œHow am I supposed to trust you when I barely know you? How am I supposed to know that youā€™re telling the truth?ā€ you snap back at him with a hiss. ā€œJust because we fucked it doesnā€™t mean that Iā€™d magically know everything about you.ā€Ā 
Again, he winces at your question. As if your words come to him like a slap on his face. He takes a deep breath and speaks more calmly in response, ā€œLook, we should talk. Soon. I can explain everything. But not now, okay?ā€Ā 
As much as you hate to admit it, or to agree with him, you decide that he is right. There are a lot of things that you need to discuss with him, and now is not the right time to do it. Not when your emotions are all over the place and when he has his girlfriend keeping him in close sight most of the time.Ā 
ā€œI agree. We do need to talk,ā€ you finally agree, even though you know that both of you have different things in mind.Ā 
You have no idea what he intends to discuss with you. The only thing that matters to you is to talk about the baby that you conceived together. And hopefully, decide what will happen next.Ā 
ā€œI should go,ā€ you sigh, feeling exhausted and drained. ā€œI need to lie down. This is too much for me to process.ā€Ā 
You try to walk around him so you can continue on your way. Your head is pounding, and you have the dire need to rest in your comfortable bed, where you would be able to feel safe and hide away from all of this.Ā 
ā€œWait,ā€ Taehyung stops you before you can go too far.Ā 
ā€œWhat?ā€ you ask him, feeling exasperatedā€”both from the stress and from the way your body still tingles each time you hear his voice. You really need to get away from him.Ā 
ā€œNothing, itā€™s justā€¦ā€ he starts, suddenly looking nervous with what he is about to say. The sound of laughter echoes from the living room, making him glance over his shoulder briefly before speaking to you with a lowered voice, ā€œCan you do me a favour?ā€Ā 
You frown at him. ā€œWhat is it?ā€Ā 
He looks wary, and it makes you feel uneasy in the stomach as you wait for him to speak.Ā 
But what he says next makes you feel even worse. ā€œPlease donā€™t tell Alia that weā€™ve met before, more importantly that we hooked up that night.ā€Ā 
You say nothing at first. Even if you are well aware of the situation and where Aliaā€™s position in all of this, it still doesnā€™t stop the sharp pain you feel in your chest as he mentions her name, or to express his request.Ā 
Taehyung steps closer when you remain quiet. His voice comes as a desperate whisper when he pleads with you, ā€œPlease? Can you do this for me?ā€Ā 
You grit your teeth. ā€œFine, I wonā€™t,ā€ you finally say to him. But you refuse to give in that easily.
Taking a step closer to him, you point at him and demand him, ā€œBut you need to tell her.ā€Ā 
He clenches his jaw as he listens to your demands, but you ignore it and continue to talk. ā€œShe needs to knowā€”ā€ your voice nearly wavers, because you know what would happen once everything is revealed.Ā 
Telling your stepsister that you had slept with her boyfriend would not only be hard, but it would be ugly.Ā 
But it would be better than keeping it a secret for much longer. Because secrets donā€™t always remain hidden, no matter how hard you try to keep them in the shadows. And things would even get messier once the baby comes while she is still being kept in the dark.Ā 
Itā€™s better to bite the bullet as soon as possible, rather than waiting and living your life in uncertainty until the day comes.Ā 
ā€œIf you donā€™t, and we keep this a secret much longer, things might get messier if she somehow finds out on her own. The last thing Iā€™d ever want is to get into any drama. Not with her,ā€ you try to convince Taehyung, despite him looking like he would rather bolt and have nothing to do with any of this.Ā 
After all the drama that happened last year, the last thing you need is to get involved in another.Ā 
ā€œIā€™ll tell her myself if necessary.ā€ There is a bite in your voice when you are telling him all of this. To his credit, Taehyungā€”despite looking shell-shocked and corneredā€”seems to respect and understand your request.Ā 
He lowers his head and nods. ā€œGive me time. Iā€™llā€”ā€Ā 
You are surprised to see him looking defeated. It makes you wonder if there is something more about their relationship that you need to know before going further.Ā 
As Taehyung raises his head again, he seems more resolved. He looks straight into your eyes as he promises, ā€œIā€™ll tell her myself once I get the chance to. I promise. But weā€™re going to have that talk first, and soon.ā€Ā 
ā€œItā€™s a promise.ā€ You bite back the ache that suddenly pierces through your heart, seeing how he is so adamant about protecting his relationship with your stepsister. Trying not to look too deep into it and get yourself hurt further, you avoid looking into his gaze and start walking away from him.Ā 
ā€œGoodnight thenā€”ā€ you whisper to him as you turn away from him, biting back the sound of your defeat when you call his name, ā€œTae.ā€Ā 
The moment you are within the safety of your bedroom, your knees buckle. Thankfully, you still manage to close the door and lock it behind you, once again shutting yourself from everyone to give you some moment of peace.
Although it doesnā€™t stop him from entering your mind in the silence that follows.Ā 
As you lie down in your bed, curled up in a fetal position with your arms wrapped around yourself, your mind wanders back to the conversation you just had with Taehyung in the hallway.Ā 
You canā€™t help it. His words keep coming back to you, and you keep finding yourself dissecting everything he said. You close your eyes, and keep telling yourself to stop. The situation that you are dealing with right now already seems absurd enough for you to waste your energy trying to understand him.Ā 
You begin to wonder if things would have been better if you hadnā€™t come across each other again. Things would probably turn out differently. You may have to keep the babyā€™s existence a secret from him, and the truth about the father a secret from your family.Ā 
You may have to deal with everything yourself.Ā 
The possibility seems petrifying, but it still sounds a lot better than having to go against your stepsister. Better than causing your frail relationship to become even worse. This time, you know that this would be big enough to ruin any chance for you and your stepsister to have any kind of relationship at all.Ā 
He was right. Itā€™s funny how life works. If only it doesnā€™t have to be this hard to laugh it off.Ā 
Stop it.Ā 
Keeping your eyes closed, you let out a deep sigh and force yourself to think about something else. Anything. As long as you are not thinking about him. His face, his voice, the scent of his cologne, everything that belongs to him.Ā 
Your head starts swimming. No, everything about him now belongs to someone else.Ā 
Once again, you force yourself to start thinking of less stressful things. Like Skyeā€™s text message from this afternoon suggesting that you could run away with her to a secluded place somewhere in Europe so that the two of you could raise the baby together. Or the little stories that Honey shared about the cute new gardener now working at her apartment complexā€”the complex specifically built for elders like herselfā€”that she wanted to introduce to you the next time you come by to visit.
You regret forgetting to pick up the smoothie that your mother made for you while you were throwing up in the bathroom, all due to Taehyungā€™s distraction. You wonder if having the smoothie would be able to help you feel better. Picturing the drink being left attended in the kitchen, you can picture your grandmotherā€”the sweet little mischievous angel that she isā€”sneaking in a few drops of rum into the smoothie when your mother isnā€™t looking.Ā 
This thought makes you smile. It replaces every ugly thoughts that keep circling inside your mind and calms you down.Ā 
Your heartbeat is no longer beating like crazy. The more you fill your head with wonderful thoughts, the sooner the uneasy feeling in your stomach begins to wane.Ā 
And soon enough, you start drifting away to a restless sleep.Ā 
But just like how he invaded your home with his sudden appearance, Taehyung invades your sleep once your mind is left unguarded.Ā 
Speaking to him, albeit briefly, brings you back to that night. The moment you close your eyes, you start seeing everything from back then that you couldnā€™t remember in your waking hours. Even the smallest details that your conscious mind has forgotten. Everything comes crashing down on you as you toss and turn in your bed, unable to give in completely to a peaceful slumber as memories continue to flood your dreams.Ā 
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Six weeks agoā€¦
You opened your eyes and squinted.Ā 
The overhead lamp above your head was bright, and it was hurting your eyes. You could barely see a thing through your bleary eyes, until your gaze drifted further, looking into the dimly lit bedroom far across the foyer.Ā 
The room looked more spacious than yours, albeit a bit messy. The massive bed looked comfortable, and there were two lounge seats set up near the windows that looked more luxurious than the ones you had in your room.Ā 
ā€œYour bedroom seems a lot more cozy than mine.ā€Ā 
The words came out of your lips with a moan. The sound seemed foreign. Barely recognisable through your hazy mind. But there was a familiar sensation slowly rising in your body that hadnā€™t at all come from the alcoholic drinks you were having tonight.Ā 
ā€œHmmmā€¦You think so?ā€
A deep, sultry voice spoke as a pair of hot lips made their way down the side of your neck, tracing your skin with delicate kisses that made it even harder for you to think straight.Ā 
Shivers ran down your body. Heat rolled through your chest. And it almost seemed to you that your skin was becoming even more sensitive to the touch when even the most subtle caress of his fingers was able to light up your senses.Ā 
Right after the voice spoke to you, he suddenly switched and started kissing his way up. You blinked, and his face came into view just as he looked down at you. The beautiful face that captivated you when you first met him at the bar was presented right before your eyes.Ā 
So close. So tempting. And his eyes were so intense that you nearly lost your breath. He smiled and leaned down, capturing your lips with a kiss.Ā 
ā€œYou havenā€™t seen anything yet,ā€ he murmured against your lips, drawing another moan out of you which snapped you from your daze.Ā 
You sighed as you gave in to the chaste kiss he was giving you. ā€œItā€™s kind of hard to look around and see anything when you have me pinned to the door.ā€Ā 
He let out a soft chuckle and once again pressed his lips on yours. As if he was both pleased and amused that he got to put you in this position. When he pulled back, the look in his eyes softened.Ā 
ā€œIā€™m sorry, I couldnā€™t help myself. Itā€™s all your fault for teasing me all the way here while I couldnā€™t allow myself to touch you with so many eyes paying attention,ā€ he said without any hint of regret in his voice.Ā 
ā€œWell, forgive me because I wasnā€™t aware,ā€ you taunted him back, knowing fully well what you had done to tease him until he was on the verge of breaking apart even before you reached his hotel suite.Ā 
As much as you wanted to hold back, you were quite sure that you hadnā€™t gotten things wrong. You couldnā€™t have possibly mistaken the chemistry that kept sparking between you. And the way he kept openly staring at your body was enough to make his intention clear, as his eyes seemed more honest than the words he gave you.Ā 
But back at the bar, you had let him be the first one to make the move.Ā 
With his sturdy hands, he was the one who pulled your seat closer. By placing his arm on your backrest, it may have seemed as if he was marking his territory for anyone else at the hotel bar to see. Normally, something like this wouldā€™ve put you off. But there was something in the way he did it that made you feel otherwise, allowing you to give in and lean more into his warmth instead of pushing him away.Ā 
That was when you reciprocated his actions with your own. The light and subtle touches of your fingers on his arm drew soft shudders through his body. The accidental brushes that happened when you moved against his body pushed him into wrapping his arm around you, keeping you close before he finally pulled you out of the bar.Ā 
When you leaned close enough to whisper softly against his ear, you could feel goosebumps rising on his skin, his heartbeat escalating under your palm, and he could barely hold himself back from devouring your lips right there at the hotel lobby. Right where everyone could see you falling into pieces under your sinful desire.
By the time you were alone with him in the elevator, the tension between you just kept escalating until he finally snapped.Ā 
He nearly dragged you across the hallway leading to his bedroom suite in his rush to get you alone. The moment he pulled you in through the door, every bit of his composure simply left him. He barely gave you a chance to catch a single glance of the suite, as he immediately pushed your body against the door and kept you there.Ā 
Until this moment.Ā 
His eyes grew dark after listening to your answer. His breath is still ragged after the hot kiss that he gave you once he got you pinned between his hard body and the locked door behind you.Ā 
With his broad chest locking you in place, his hips pressing against your lower body, he left you with nowhere else to go. But this didnā€™t seem to be enough for him. Looking into his eyes, you could tell that he needed to see you become even more vulnerable. Almost as if he wanted to punish you for putting him on the edge.Ā 
And he did exactly that as he slipped one hand around your neck and pulled your hair, tilting your head back so that he could continue exploring the column of your throat with his sinful lips.Ā Instead of resisting it, you simply gave in. Arching your back to him further as he trailed kisses on your skin, your hands clutching on his jacket to hold on.Ā 
He used his other hand to explore the rest of your body. Starting from your waist, he continued to move further down to your hips. Tracing every curve, every dent along your body with his firm fingers pressing through your thin dress.Ā 
Just as he was about to reach the hem of your dress, he suddenly stopped and pulled back.Ā 
ā€œTell me again. Are you sure this is what you want?ā€ His voice was quiet when he asked you this. It sounded as though he was caught between convincing himself that this was happening while giving you an out for one last time before getting too deep.Ā 
But you had gone deep.Ā 
And you knew then that the moment you let everything happen, there was no going back from it. Everything about this was new to you; hooking up with a complete stranger while you were in the middle of nowhere, and knowing that once the night was over, both of you were going to move on with your lives.Ā 
It felt thrilling to think about it, and the liquid courage should help you in letting go of your inhibitions. Yet you couldnā€™t deny the fact that you are feeling slightly nervous about jumping fully into this.Ā 
When you failed to answer him, Tae leaned down, pressing a chaste kiss right below your ear and whispered, ā€œWell? Talk to me. Because there is no going back from this once we begin, and I wonā€™t let you go until you tell me what you want.ā€Ā 
The way his breath tickled your ear and caressed your skin broke you out of the walls you put up. Every flicker of doubt you felt immediately melted. You brushed against him, allowing him to feel every bit of heat coursing through your body before you answered with a whisper, ā€œYes. Iā€™ve never been so sure in my whole life.ā€Ā 
You could feel the way his breath was caught as you pressed your palm on his chest. Pressing against him, you raised yourself up and nipped his chin with your teeth.Ā 
ā€œThis is what I want.ā€Ā 
You werenā€™t completely sure if you ever got to finish your sentence when all of a sudden, his lips came crashing into yours, pressing firmly as he kissed you, barely concealing his desire for more.Ā 
The kiss unleashed your own desire. You opened your mouth for him in return, allowing him to devour you, to have a taste of your demands as he thoroughly kissed you until you were left breathless in his arms.Ā 
His hand began to move again just then. Tracing down your hips, he pressed the tips of his fingers harder into your flesh. He made it seem as if your dress had melted into your skin with the heat of his touch that you felt completely exposed to him. And he didnā€™t stop until he finally found the exposed skin of your thigh.Ā 
Your body quivered upon contact, and you could tell that he felt it too. He began stroking your skin, moving at a slow, agonising pace just to put you on the edge.Ā 
And he easily succeeded. Already, you could barely breathe, even when he was still far from touching any part of your body that needed him the most.Ā 
Overcame with need, your body started moving on instinct. As if his touches were controlling you as you lifted your thigh for him. His grip on your thigh tightened, helping you to keep your leg up and open yourself to him while his kiss became sloppy yet gentle as he released his hold on your hair.Ā 
He moved his other hand down, brushing against your covered breast with a brief contact and continued trailing down. You felt him pressing at your hips, before pulling the hem of your dress upward until your lower region was completely exposed. His hand continued its travel as it climbed up your inner thigh. So you opened your legs to give him better access. A move which he appreciated with a deep hum, before you felt his thumb brushing up just an inch away from your throbbing core.Ā 
ā€œShould we move this someplace else? Somewhere that would be more comfortable for us?ā€ he asked you with his lips hovering close to yours.Ā 
It took a moment for his words to sink in. Too lost in the sensation that you were made to feel, you felt as if you were drunk and high, not from the alcohol that was no longer running wildly through your veins, but from his entire presence alone.Ā 
All thoughts faded further as his thumb grazed across the front of your panties, finding your folds through the fabric before he pressed down, enough to give pressure on your covered clit. Sparks flew through your half-lidded eyes as pleasure came rushing through you in waves. You couldnā€™t stop the moan slipping out of your lips, nor the way your hips rocked into his touch to feel more.Ā 
ā€œSo responsive,ā€ he murmured against your neck before he planted a light kiss on your skin. ā€œI would have loved to watch and enjoy every reaction that you would give me, every sound you make, while I have you lie down on my bed and fuck you senseless.ā€Ā 
Your breath hitched and caught in your chest. Not only because of his words, but also from the way his thumb continued to rub against your covered clit. It felt sinful, yet so delectable the way he kept drawing more and more sparks and shuddering pleasure through your body.
After being deprived of such attention for quite some time, your body became more sensitive to every friction, every treatment he was giving you, and you simply wanted more.Ā 
ā€œThen take me there. Take me to your bed.ā€Ā 
As if you had flicked a switch in his brain, his expression changed. His gaze darkened as he captured your lips with unrestrained need, yet he was careful when he picked you up, pressing you against his chest when he turned and moved to take you away from the door.
You wrapped your arms and legs around him for balance, while your lips remained locked in a deep kiss.Ā You could feel his long stride as he began carrying you across the room. His kiss and his firm hold on your bottom cheeks were enough to draw your attention away from his clumsy footsteps, but not enough to deny you from sensing the changes happening around you.
The scent of his cologne grew thicker as he went deeper into the room, and you were getting more and more lost in him.Ā Drowned in his heat, his kiss, and the traces that he had left behind all over his bedroom, you felt him everywhere all at once that you felt like you were being put under a spell.Ā 
All so suddenly, you were pulled out of it when he broke away from the kiss. He laid you gently over the cold white sheets of his partly-made bed. Instead of joining you right away, he chose to pull back. His eyes seemed to glint in the dimly lit room as he took this moment to take you in.Ā 
ā€œBeautiful,ā€ he murmured softly, drawing heat back to your face.Ā 
He kept his eyes on you as he shrugged off his jacket and began peeling his shirt from his chest. Desire pulsed through your body as you watched every move he was making without ever drawing his attention away from you.Ā 
The more you watched him, the stronger the pull that you felt towards him. Once the need to touch him took over, you reached up and tugged on his pants, hoping that you could quickly shred them off of his body.Ā 
You barely grazed against his covered hard-on when he stopped you by catching your wrists. Like a disappointed teacher, he made a disapproval sound with his tongue.Ā 
ā€œPatience, Red,ā€ he teasingly said to you as he grabbed the hem of your dress and pulled it off of you with one swift move. You fell back to the bed with a gasp, shocked to see how easy it was for him to take over until you were left with nothing more but your lacy underthings.Ā 
The intensity you felt from his gaze made you want to wrap your arms around yourself and hide. But being half inebriated was making you slow in thoughts and movement that you couldnā€™t do anything but lay still. At the same time, you enjoyed the way he was looking at you, loving how he was losing himself to you the same way you did to him.Ā 
But it was the words that he said next that further brought out your wanton needs.
ā€œBe a good girl and stay still. I want you to stay just like this,ā€ he said with a murmur while his eyes ran down your body, ā€œI want you to lie on your back while you are screaming out my name.ā€Ā 
If only you hadnā€™t been so lost for words, perhaps you would have challenged him in return. Instead, by the time every piece of his clothing was gone, you felt like you had melted further into the sheets. The raw passion you saw in his gaze and the way he was tracing his fingertips on your skin had locked you completely in place, leaving you with no other option but to surrender as he took control.
He bent down, his lips came down to your neck. Planting his kisses on your skin, he kept your attention away from his hands as he snapped off your bra and went down to pull your panties down your hips. As he dragged your panties down your bare legs, he continued his kisses further down, not stopping until he reached your heaving chest.Ā 
You couldnā€™t even remember what happened to that flimsy piece of fabric that he took from you. Everything else faded as his tongue grazed across your chest, drawing a gasp out of your lips. His firm hands returned to your hips right then, holding you down while he captured your taut nipple between his teeth.Ā 
The feeling that coursed through you was heavenly. A shooting pain came with a flare as he bit down, yet it was quickly replaced with an overwhelming feeling of pleasure when he lapped the pain away with his sinful tongue.Ā 
ā€œTaeā€”ā€
His body quivered against yours at the sound of your voice. He pulled away with a grin, his eyes twinkling with amusement as he watched you arching your chest as if you were chasing him.Ā 
He ran his gaze down your body. Perusing you while silently admiring what he was seeing while he licked his lips. As if he was picturing the way you would taste.Ā 
ā€œTell me how badly you want this, Red,ā€ he taunted you with his hand reaching out to the nightstand. You vaguely saw him grabbing a condom while you were struggling to breathe. Your eyes fell on his exposed, throbbing cock, and words simply left you.Ā 
Seeing its impressive size and girth, your entire body erupted with a pulse. It started from deep inside your core, right where you wanted to feel him the most. Astonished, you failed to remember that he was still waiting for your answer with his eyes locked on your face.Ā 
And he made you struggle further to find words when he reached down, wrapping his long fingers around his cock and started giving himself slow, lazy strokes. You could see the bead of his pre-cum glistening under the dim lighting. It took everything in you to stop yourself from leaning forward and lapping him dry.Ā To have a taste, before you let him devour every drop of your essence.Ā 
ā€œRed? Talk to me,ā€ he spoke to you again with a curious tone in his voice.Ā 
He knew that he wasnā€™t getting any attention, as your eyes were locked only at one place that was not his face, and he seemed to be curious to know what was making you so lost in thoughts.Ā 
Instead of answering him, you continued to watch, completely transfixed by his actions, as he slowly spread his pre-cum along the length of his cock. You licked your lips, almost as if you could taste him. A barely concealed whimper slipped out of your lips when you watched him slowly roll the condom to cover himself from the tip of his cock and down to the base.Ā 
Seeing him covered with protection seemed to snap you back to the present. Even if your pulsing need still refused to tame down.Ā 
Resting back against the pillows, you dragged your eyes away from his impressive cock to his beautiful face.Ā 
ā€œI want you here. Inside me,ā€ you finally responded to his question. Placing your palms on the underside of your thighs, you parted your legs open, making him see the mess that had been building up right between your legs while you were enjoying the show he was giving you.Ā 
Now it was your turn to give him a show.Ā 
Reaching between your legs, you moved your fingers to find your folds. You bit back a gasp once the tips of your fingers were met with your wet arousal. It felt slick as you moved your fingers around, parting your nether lips so he could see your swollen clit, before you moved your fingers in circles, pressing at yourself the exact same way you wished he would.Ā 
ā€œPlease, fuck me, Tae. Fuck me good.ā€Ā 
His pupils dilated at the sound of your voice, at the pleading words you were giving him. You loved the way he was reacting to you just as much as he did with you, yet you decided to push his buttons further by adding, ā€œAnd then I want to hear you scream my name while you cum inside me.ā€Ā 
He raised his eyebrows. ā€œWhat a little brat,ā€ he said, chuckling. ā€œSo you like to play games, hmmm?ā€Ā 
You bit your bottom lip, holding back a moan that was threatening to come out when your touch inadvertently pushed against the source of your heat. ā€œOh, I do. Games are always fun.ā€Ā 
While he continued stroking his cock at a lazy pace, he used the other hand to grab your neck. His palm fit perfectly as he wrapped it around the column of your throat, putting pressure that was not enough to choke you, yet enough to show you who was in control.Ā 
ā€œThen letā€™s play,ā€ he groaned while he pressed you back down on the bed. ā€œBut this time, I make the rules.ā€Ā 
You felt the electrifying pleasure surging through your body as he brushed your hand away and lined himself against your entrance, shutting down the circuits inside your brain for a moment and stopping you from wiggling too much beneath him just to feel more friction.Ā 
A sharp moan was drawn from your lips as Tae slammed his full length deep inside you. The sensation that you felt from being filled by his width was so feral and explosive that you were sure you immediately experienced your orgasm right then and there.Ā 
Your body must have been shaking, which was a response that you failed to notice as you had your senses filled with the steady pulse of pleasure pressing across the girth of his cock. He must have noticed it when he came to a halt, giving you a chance to process everything and adjust to his presence inside you.
Nothing made sense to you beyond the pulsing pleasure that you felt from your hot pussy. Your senses were filled with the sound of your racing heartbeat, the soothing touch of his fingers on your skin, and the whispers of his voice calling you back to him.Ā 
He only managed to bring you back to the present by pressing gentle kisses on your lips, nose, and then on the rest of your face, stopping only after he kissed your lips again to draw your attention back to him.Ā 
Your legs were quivering when you opened your eyes to see him, yet you could already tell from the way the pulses that came right where you were joined started to settle, that your body had adjusted perfectly to his size.Ā 
But it didnā€™t mean that you would simply take it without sharing your thoughts.Ā 
ā€œYouā€™reā€”big,ā€ you complained with a soft moan when you felt him growing harder inside you. It didnā€™t stop you from rocking your hips, trying to feel more friction, while he merely chuckled at your words.Ā 
ā€œAnd itā€™s perfect for your tight pussy.ā€Ā 
His words drew a gasp from you. But he didnā€™t pay much attention to it, as he slowly began to move. He started with a slow pace, which was torturous and agonising, forcing you to feel the delectable way his girth was brushing against your pulsing walls.Ā 
Back and forth he went, going so deep you could almost feel him pressing up your stomach before pulling out until only the tip was buried inside you. He kept moving at the same pace, until you began to feel more desperate. Even your body was shaking with the need to feel more.Ā 
ā€œMoreā€”!ā€ you whispered with a strangled moan, ā€œgo faster.ā€Ā 
Hearing this, instead of doing what you were begging him to, Tae denied your plea by doing the opposite. With a wicked grin on his face, the fucker slowed down, bringing the pleasure that had been rising back down a notch.Ā 
You opened your mouth to protest against it, and he moved his hands down your hips, stopping at your thighs where he gave you a tight grip.Ā 
ā€œYou want more?ā€ he asked you, his voice almost seemed to grow deeper, and you could feel a tinge of danger when he spoke. The same danger you saw coming through his gaze as he slowly brought your legs up.Ā 
You expected him to stop once he got your legs up his shoulders. But he just kept going. And going. Until you were nearly folded with your legs almost pressed to your chest.
ā€œTaeā€”!ā€Ā 
It made you feel vulnerable, with nothing but your hands to use to hold on while he had full control of your body. He was still buried inside you, and this position allowed you to feel him more. As though you had grown tighter around him and he was growing bigger. His entire length and width made you feel full, as his cock was pressing tightly against your hot walls.Ā 
ā€œYou wanted more,ā€ he murmured as he began moving, rocking his hips slowly back and forth, going in and out of you, drawing more and more of that shuddering pleasure out of your body as he continued fucking you gently. ā€œIā€™m giving you more.ā€Ā 
He began increasing his pace. Going faster the more he heard you moaning in pleasure. ā€œLift your arms, Red. Bring them up and hold the pillows.ā€Ā 
It took a moment for his words to register in your head. Your hands had been clutching tightly on his forearms and it was a struggle to let go. And he waited, tormenting you by keeping his pace much too slow to your liking until you followed his command.Ā 
Your hands trembled as you unlatched them from his skin. You could barely feel your fingers as you dragged your hands up, as every part of your body grew more sensitive the more you opened your entire self to him. Keeping your eyes on him, you got lost in his intense gaze.Ā 
It was then when you finally came in contact with the soft pillows above your head, and your fingers easily sank into them, latching onto them as you did when you were holding onto his arms.
ā€œThatā€™s it. Good girl,ā€ he murmured gently, and you were pleasantly surprised to realise how much you loved hearing his praise. Warmth bloomed in your chest, and it easily made its way down right to your core. ā€œNow hold on tightly and donā€™t let go.ā€Ā 
And you did just that. Holding on tightly the way he wanted you to.Ā 
Only once he gained complete control of your body, once you fully submitted to him, he finally fulfilled your wish. He held firmly on your thighs to keep them folded and open for him, and he began ramming his cock deep inside you.Ā 
He was doing it faster. Harder. Sending you high in pleasure while all you could do was take his constant pounding. The only leverage you had to hold on was the tight hold you had on the pillows and the weight of his body that was pressing you down each time he pushed deeply inside you.Ā 
The anomalous sounds coming out of both of your lips kept bouncing off the walls. Followed by the sound of flesh clashing against flesh, the slick sounds that came from right where you were joined, and the creaking sound of the bed beneath you.Ā 
He kept going, relentless in his rough thrusts and his need to push you over the edge, until you could feel the rise of your orgasm coming in waves. The wanton pleasure that was hot and intense came rising inside you, growing rapidly with his deep thrusts until you finally succumbed to it, coming into your climax with a scream.Ā 
ā€œTae, Iā€™m coming,ā€ you cried out to him as you fell over the edge, though you werenā€™t completely sure if the words coming out of your lips were as coherent as you thought they would have been.Ā 
The sound of your pounding heartbeat seemed to drown everything away. Except that you could still hear the sound of his breathless grunts as they grew clearer, and the strangled moan that came out of him when he shouted, ā€œThatā€™s it, Red. Fuck, Iā€™m coming!ā€
With a sharp intake of breath, he came to his climax. You felt every pulse of his release as he came inside you, and the tremble in his chest that surged through him with his deep groan as he relished the pleasure. Even after his release, he kept moving, rocking slowly and steadily until the spasms of your orgasm slowly began to wane down.Ā 
He remained buried inside you when he gently released you from his hold. You could barely feel his lips pressing on your quivering thighs before he lowered them back on the mattress, yet his gentle fingers remained hot on your skin when he brushed up against you.Ā 
He reached up and gently pried your fingers away from the pillows before slipping his fingers between yours. The way your fingers were entwined together felt so intimate. So unlike anything that you had ever thought about what a one-night stand would entail.Ā 
Your body felt hot, and your muscles were lax, but there was a series of small spasms still going strong from deep inside you, coaxed by his incessant rocking. You should have been pushing him off of you, instead of embracing his weight as he lowered himself, covering your body with his own.Ā 
ā€œTaeā€”ā€ you whimpered against his lips as he kissed you. Holding your hands in his, he continued to rock his hips.Ā 
How he managed to remain so hard and stiff even after his climax was beyond you. He still felt thick as he moved. His cock brushed against your pulsing walls as he went in and out, awakening all sparks of pleasure that were supposed to have dwindled.Ā 
And with how sensitive your body was, it rose and peaked so quickly and you had no power to stop it.Ā 
ā€œTooā€¦muchā€¦ā€ you cried between the strangled moans coming out of your lips, right before he swallowed them with another kiss.Ā 
ā€œOne more,ā€ he groaned as he picked up his pace. ā€œJust do it one more time for me, Red.ā€Ā 
You were so sensitive it was beginning to hurt, but the pleasure was also maddening that you didnā€™t want to stop. This time, he wasnā€™t holding you down so strongly, allowing you to move beneath him. So you rocked back against him, pushing up each time he was thrusting into you. It only took a couple of more strokes before the coil in your core snapped, and you were sent to another climax.Ā 
And he joined you in your release, falling into a smaller climax of his own as you clenched tightly around him.Ā 
He came with a deep groan. His whole body quaked against you before he finally fell on top of you. While you were trying to control your breath, his lips came brushing your neck, kissing you gently to help soothe down the shudders running through your body.
ā€œFuckā€¦so perfect,ā€ he sighed between his kisses, his voice came in and out through your senses, and the sparks you felt rushing through your body started waning as you were slowly drifting away into the night, with his words echoing in your dreams,
ā€œYou are perfect.ā€Ā 
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Authorā€™s Note 2.0 | Thank you for reading so far. Any likes, kudos, comments, and feedbacks will be appreciated. The story continues in part 2.
āŸ¶ Jingle All the Way collab masterlist | A Christmas Fix: next chapter ā‡¢
Ā© All rights reserved. 2024 Yoonia ā€” Unauthorized use and/or duplication of these works, including reposting, translating and modification in any form, is strictly prohibited.Ā 
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dollfacefantasy Ā· 2 months ago
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FACE DOWN, DOLLED UP ā™”
pairing: light yagami x fem!reader
summary: over the past few months, you've reunited with your best friend from college. in the midst of your blossoming connection, he has a special role he wants you to play for him.
cw: nsfw (18+), smut, p in v, dollification, infidelity
a/n: i wasn't gonna post this till later but i got excited... i love him so bad. he is everything to me. all night. all day. no lube. no protection. i hope my fellow light bulbs enjoy šŸ™ and comments and reblogs mean the world to me <3
kinktober slot: day 11 - dollification
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"The goddess of the new world. The one I'll keep by my side as I rule. The only being I'll cherish in this reality. That will be you."
The words fell from between Light's lips with ease. To anyone else, they would sound like the absolute truth. After all, he said them with such conviction. But you knew better.
As much as you adore him, you would never call Light someone you trust.
You'd met him at university years ago and had been taken with his intelligence and blunt way of viewing the world. At that time in your life, you weren't sure of anything. You couldn't help but be drawn to someone so absolutely certain of everything.
It was a cult of personality, yet you were the only member. You longed for Light, craved his confidence, which then turned into just basking in his mere presence. You wanted him bad, but the timing just never seemed right between the two of you. He got a girlfriend, and you became swept up in your studies.
Now when he says these words telling you that you're special, you want to believe him. You want him to give you what you yearn for. You want for them to be real so badly, but you still can't fully give in to that hope. Why did he need you so much now when he let you slip away from him for years?
He called you a few months ago, asking to go to lunch. There'd been no reason to decline, so you met up with him the next week to 'catch up.' When you arrived at the small restaurant and took your seat across from him, he smiled at you like you'd just come from your shared lecture all those years ago. You fell into a conversation as if you were still best friends.
After that initial meeting, more followed. You kept seeing him even when he mentioned that he and Misa still lived together. In your head you reasoned that you and him were just friends. It was fine to hang out with your friend. But then your dates started to include lingering looks and fleeting touches. Then soft confessions and stolen kisses. You were no longer Light's friend, but you shamefully continued to come to him time after time.
I loved him first you told yourself.
You found out he was Kira when he confessed several weeks ago out of necessity. Too many people in your circles had died. You couldn't lie for him if you didn't know you should be. He didn't want you mentioning off-handedly that these deaths started happening not too long after your reconnection. Or that they only seemed to occur within days of you complaining about the victim bothering you.
At first, it scared you, finding out that Light had such power. But it also made sense. If anyone you knew could wield the force of death, it would be him.
As with everything else he did, you accepted it. Unlike your compliance with his infidelity, this wasn't your fault though. What was the other option? You didn't believe you meant more to Light than his crusade. Even though he killed for you, he was Kira before your lover. You would die before he lost his war.Ā 
He would take a life for your presumed benefit, but you didn't credit that fact to you being special. Your love didn't blind you to his arrogance. More than you, he loved to show off, craved the satisfaction that came with having ultimate power over someone. Or in his case, everyone.
That's why when he proclaimed you his goddess last week at one of your rendezvous, you were still hesitant to accept the words.Ā 
He lives with Misa. His speeches about having no love for her ring hollow when half of your bed remains empty each night. Why can't he just commit to you instead of trying to fill your head with ideas of divinity?
Tonight, you meet him in a hotel room. One he booked just for the two of you. It was a nice space. Not some cheap place rife with other affairs and unfaithful couplings. The elevator ride to your floor is smooth and quiet.Ā 
He's already inside when you arrive.
You see him sitting on the edge of the bed as you push the door open and enter silently. All the linens were still tucked in place. His eyes lift to meet yours.
"There you are," he says.Ā 
His voice comes out softer than usual. Not with affection necessarily. It almost sounds weary.
You pad over the smooth hotel carpet with caution. Light was never weary. Never showed vulnerability. No one was ever allowed to see weakness from him.
"Are you alright?" you ask, tone matching his in its lack of intensity.
Stopping between his legs, you bring your hand up to cup his cheek. Your thumb swipes back and forth across his smooth skin. His rich brown eyes linger on your features, a whirlpool of emotions storming within them.
"Yeah," he answers in contrast to what you see.
Curling his fingers around the dips in your waist, he sits you on his thigh and pulls you close on his lap. He noses the curve of your neck, kissing the flesh tenderly and breathing in the smell of you.
"I want to try something tonight. Will you let me?" he murmurs.
"What is it?" you ask, your own fingers stroking through his sandy locks.
The question puts a smile on his face and draws a quiet laugh from his lips. "Don't you trust me?"
You mirror the expression with your own mouth.Ā 
Do you trust him? Itā€™s a loaded question. One you would think deeply about if it were asked in another context. But here, you do what any person desperately seeking the approval of their lover would.
"Yeah."
"Exactly. So say yes, and let me show you," he says.
Staring into his eyes for a few seconds more, you contemplate the request. You had no clue what he was going to do. Why couldn't he just say it? What was there to hide? Maybe it's more of an embarrassment thing. You still don't know even after thinking it over, but you decide to agree anyway. After all, you said you trusted him.
"Ok," you whisper with a small bob of your head.
Upon seeing your little nod, his smile morphs into a grin.
"Good girl," he says and pecks the corner of your mouth.
He moves you off his lap and onto the bed before getting up. Walking to the chair by the window, he picks up a couple bags. They look like nice ones from luxurious stores, names of brands you'd never even heard of displayed across the sleek laminate exteriors. He sets them down at your feet.
"If I'm going to have you by my side as I rule, I want us to be united. I want you presented as if you were made in my image," he says, voice dropping and the words oozing out a bit cooler.
Your eyes watch him as he speaks. So wide and innocent. The ache for his affection visible within them even if you don't want it to be.
He drags two of his slender fingers down your cheek again. When they reach your jawline, he maneuvers your face around. His hand tilts it to different angles as if studying you.
"You're going to be perfect," he says quietly.
Bending down, he fishes the items from the bag and lays them out next to you on the bed. First a black dress made of sheer chiffon with velvet roses laying over obsidian satin. It's the prettiest thing that would ever be on your body in your life.
Next comes a matching pair of glossy pumps. He drops them next to the dress on the mattress before pulling you to your feet. He positions you in front of him looking down his gifts and rests his chin on your shoulder. You can feel his eyes on your face, scrutinizing each detail for a reaction.
"Are those for me?" you ask.
"Of course they are. Who else would they be for?" he responds as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.
You shrug, your own pupils scanning the items up and down. "They're nice," you continue slowly. This wasn't at all bad, and the pieces were beautiful. They just weren't what you had imagined.
"I want you looking your best when you're by my side," he whispers.
His hands drift down to your hips, and he turns you around. He brushes his nose against yours, coasting his lips by so that they just barely touch your own.
"Let me show you how good it'll feel. Be my little doll for the night," he whispers, his breath tickling your face.
It feels so good being this close. You nod and tilt your head to connect your mouths. He kisses back, palm sliding up to cup the back of your neck.
You get a few more soft smooches before he pulls back.
"Let's get you dressed up then."
He begins to remove the clothes you wore here. Your top is the first thing to hit the floor. It crumples in on itself next to your ankles. You're left bare, little chills erupting over your skin as the cool air hits you. He spins you around slowly and unclasps your bra, letting your breasts fall free.
His hands weave under your arms to come around and cup the mounds. They press into the flesh, absorbing their warmth and savoring the feeling of you. His precious reprieve. His sweetest escape.
Your nipples pebble from the cold and the heat of his hands hitting you all at once. Sighing, you tilt your head back and allow the tension in your shoulders to melt away for now. The same slender fingers that whip a pen around with ease tweak and pinch at the hardened buds until you're whimpering.
After he's satisfied his interest, he lets them go and then removes your bottoms. The button comes undone and the zipper follows. He slides the garment down your legs. To aid him, you step out of it and kick the bundle of cloth aside to sit with your shirt. The move earns you a light pinch to your hip.
"Dolls don't move," he whispers and nips at the skin of your neck, teasing a potential love bite, "They don't do anything on their own. You leave everything up to me."
The words send a chill down your spine. "Sorry, Light," you say softly.
"They don't talk either," he says and kisses up your neck, "They stay quiet and still. Just a good girl for me to play with."
You sink back into him upon hearing that because it's exactly what you want. All you desire is to be good for him. To be the thing he wants to play with. The one he uses to feel safe when everything else is one minute away from spiraling out of control.Ā 
He strips you of your own socks and shoes. You're only left in the dainty panties you arrived in, but he ends up taking those too. He drags them off your legs - you stand completely motionless this time, letting him lift each limb to free you of the underwear. After he shoves them in his pocket, it's time to dress you in your new attire.
He picks up the elegant black dress and steps you into it before shimmying the cloth up your body. Slipping each of your arms into the sleeves, he then zips up the back. The fabric clings to your curves, highlighting your figure in a flattering shape. He rakes his fingers up the dark material, feeling it move with his digits.
Next, he sits on the bed. Even now, Light wouldn't crouch or get on his knees for you. He perches on the edge of the mattress and pulls you onto his lap again. Taking one of your legs behind the knee, he bends it up so your foot rests on his thigh. He grabs one of the heels nearby and unfastens the buckle. Sliding your foot into the sole, he clasps in place again and then repeats the process with your other.
Finally, he stands you up and walks you over to the mirror. The feeling of his eyes moving over your body in the new dress and shoes is palpable. His hands stretch across your belly while he holds you there for his appraisal.
Looking at your own appearance, the image standing before your eyes pleases you. The dress fits perfectly, and the shoes gleam beneath them just right. You look like his. Feel like it too with the way his arms cage you against him.
"You look beautiful. Don't you think?" he says.
You wonder if this is a trick or if you're supposed to know how to answer without moving or speaking. But before you can dwell too much on this, he cups your jaw and squishes your cheeks. His hand propels your head up and down in a little nod.
"That's my girl," he praises, smile absolutely sinister across his face.
Even though you didn't do anything to earn that praise, it makes you swoon all the same. His. Maybe it wasn't just a feeling, maybe it was closer to being real. As long as you showed him that you could be good, that you could listen, he would see that you're the better fit for him.
He pulls a chair up in front of the reflective pane and sits down, perching you on his thigh once more. The side table sitting next to the mirror held another bag like the one your outfit came from. This one was much smaller but still chic looking.
Light reaches for it and fetches a few small items from within. On your lap he places a compact of powders, a tube of lip gloss, some mascara, and a few brushes.
"I want those to stay right where I put them. Knock them off, and I won't give you anything else," he warns.
You don't say or do anything, not even a nod. This pleases him, and he pecks your cheek.
Never did you think you'd see the day where Light did your make up. But here you sit in his lap, obediently calm as he brushed dark powder across your lids and coated your lashes in mascara. You open when he says open, close when he directs as much. You hold your position like a statue as he glosses over your lips and swipes away any excess with his thumb.
Watching you sit there without a move or a word has his cock stiffening up beneath you. You're following everything he says down to the letter, treating him with the respect he deserves. He can't get enough. If he wanted your head to be empty, it would be. You'd sit on his lap or at his feet or wherever he fucking asked because the only thing you need is him, and that's so clear now.
When he's all done, he guides your face back in the direction of your reflection. Your eyes meet the pair looking back at you and then cast on the other version of him. He's staring right back.
"I knew you'd be perfect," he says.
You can feel his semi beneath your thighs. Knowing he's feeling worked up has your body responding in kind. You're still bare down there since he didn't bother replacing your panties. You can feel your folds becoming a little damp, but you still don't move, not a single squirm or whine.
He keeps you there, staring at you, taking in what he had made with your body. His hands roam over your curves, digging into your plush flesh.
"Your hair is pretty enough. I won't have to do anything with it tonight," he praises.
He then boosts you to your feet. His body doesn't follow right away. He takes a moment to stay behind in the chair, admiring your ass and leaning forward to hold your hips between his palms.
"Just look at you," he says.
Now he stands. He walks around you, leaving you in front of the mirror by yourself. He goes back to the bed and sits at the end.
"Come over here," he commands.
You suppose since it's an order that it's ok to move. Your first step is hesitant as you find your footing in the tall heels. It only takes you a couple seconds to get used to them though. You manage to walk the rest of the way with ease.
His cock hardens further as he watches you obey without question. You come to him like a well-trained pet. Exactly what he wants.
When you come to a stop in front of him, he pauses and takes a moment to think. He wanted you now. The urge to undo all his work, nearly insatiable. He tries to pace himself though.
"Do you feel pretty?" he asks you.
You hesitate, but he gives you a nod to speak. "Yeah," you answer.
"Yeah? Can you see your place at my side?" he asks, eyes raking over every detail of your form.
"Yeah."
"That's where you belong, hm?"
"Yeah," you say. It almost comes out a whisper.
He chuckles lowly before waving at you. "Come here."
You take the few remaining steps and close the distance between you two. His arms wrap around your waist and twirl you so you fall back on the bed. He climbs on top, grinding his growing bulge against your hip.
"That is where you belong. And that's where I'll keep you for the rest of our days," he mutters.
He leans down and engulfs your mouth in a flurry of kisses. His hands float across the dress, groping and squeezing your body. He doesn't silence the little whimpers and squeaks that come from you right now. Instead, his mouth drifts to your neck, making good on those love bites he teased earlier.
"You won't have to worry about anything, pet. No thoughts in that little head except being good for me," he mutters.
When he pulls back, his eyes are blown with lust. They focus on you with intensity so passionate it's almost frightening. He grabs your chin and holds you in place as he seemingly inspects your appearance once more.
"Fuck, how could anyone not want to worship you when you look like this?" he mumbles.
He rises back onto his knees, pushing down his fly and pulling his cock out. His fingers rise to fiddle with his shirt's buttons before he shrugs it off too. He doesn't bother with his pants beyond pushing them down enough so they're not in the way. Once his cock is available, he strokes it a few times and lets it fill out all the way.
The sight is enough to have more slick collecting between your thighs, which is fortunate since Light isn't the most patient. On his best days, he was needy for you. On his worst, he was inconsiderate. Right now seems to be a mix of both.
Reaching out, he grabs your thighs and yanks you down the bed to him. Your dress bunches at your hips as it catches between your back and the sheets. It works out since he pushes it up the rest of the way.
Seeing you in the outfit he chose, the shoes he bought, with nothing underneath strokes his ego in a way he can't explain. You being exposed now, no barriers keeping you from him just makes it worse. It brings to mind visions of a future where he could have you whenever he wanted. You'd exist for him, easily accessible, his for the taking. And he'd take advantage of it every moment he could.
He slots his cock at your entrance, rocking forward at first and gathering some of your wetness on it. After seeing the glisten of you on his tip, he rotates himself so he's at the right spot to push in. Your tight hole accepts his shaft inch by inch, clamping around him from the first seconds.
You whine as he splits you open, now squirming beneath his body, unable to stay still.
"Feels too good? My little dolly can't hold herself together anymore?" he taunts breathily.
You shake your head in response, and he laughs. It only encourages him to shove more in.
He has you completely full moments later, hips flush against your center as deep as he can go. You don't get any time to adjust with Light. He wants to fuck now, so that's what you're doing. Along with no talking or moving, you're pretty sure dolls don't get a say on this matter either.
More needy sounds pour from your lips, but he still doesn't get on you for it. It drives his confidence through the roof seeing that someone as well-behaved as you couldn't manage anymore when he slid inside.
His hips push and pull, slamming in and out of your cunt with a steady rhythm. He lifts your legs to sit over his shoulders. The heels he bought and paid for and had fantasized about you in for weeks bobble by his head. He grits his teeth as the pure satisfaction from the thought flows through him.
"Everyone will worship you, and you'll worship me like the good girl you are," he moans more to himself than you as his hips speed up a bit.
You get so tight for him when he talks that he can't stop. Words just keep leaking out in an endless stream.
"Gonna fuck you like this everyday. Put you in new pretty outfits and then bend you over in 'em. Make sure you remember you're mine. Every inch of you, all for me," he grunts.
His thrusts get harder. You feel little tears pricking at your eyes from all the stimulation, but you can't cry. You can't ruin your makeup. Not when he'd been so careful with how he applied it. You sniffle and wipe at your waterline, but lucky for you, he doesn't seem to notice what you're trying to avoid.
"No one else can have you. No one else gets to know how good you feel or how obedient you are. You're the one for me, the one I'll keep," he mutters. The pleasure rushing throughout his body and fogging up his head makes half of it incoherent, but you eat it up anyways.
"Light!" you finally cry out and arch your back when his cock rams against the sweetest spot inside you, "I'm all yours. Swear. Don't want anybody else. Just you. Forever and ever and ever..."
You trail off as he fucks all the thoughts right out of your pretty little head. His body comes down on yours again, bending you in half and sliding against you as he works himself all the way inside over and over. You claw at the thin hotel bedding for some form of relief, but there's no escaping him.
Release builds in your tummy, your toes curl and your breaths become ragged. You know better than to finish without asking though.
"Can I cum, Light? Please, need it so so so bad," you beg, eyes still almost teary.
He looks down. A wave of lust crashes into him as he sees how your lip quivers and water rests at the edges of your eyes, waiting to spill.
"You have been so good for me," he says, wanting a bit more pleading out of you before he gives his permission.
"Mhm! Please. I'll keep being good. Just gotta cum cause you make me feel so good," you whine.
He grins and ruts forward particularly hard. "Go ahead then."
And you do. You cum so hard you feel like your body is gonna twist into knots. You squirm and mewl, noises coming out unfiltered and unrestrained. Your vision goes spotty, and all that's left is him. Him pummeling into you, panting above you, not stopping as you crest over the peak.
He grips onto you harder and keeps fucking you through it. His bangs fall across his eyes from all the movement. You're so warm and tight and wet as you release all over him that it only takes a few more strokes before he shoots his load inside you.
A needy moan seeps from his lips as he works it into you. He thrusts it deep inside, he didn't want any of it spilling out and making a mess on your new dress. At least not the first time the two of you did this.
After he finally pulls out, he lets your legs drop onto the bed. They bounce against the mattress that's too springy. Your chest puffs up and down from the exertion you just went through. After taking a few minutes to come down, you yawn and stretch, limbs sprawling outward to reach for him.
But you don't find him. You turn to see why that is and find his back facing you. He sits at the edge of the mattress hunched over - one of his hands clicks through his phone while the other runs through his sweaty hair. You're about to ask what's the matter, but he turns to you and answers that question himself.
"I have to go. There's a problem back at the apartment. Misa needs my help," he says and rises to his feet.
He straightens out his clothes and tries to make his hair look more presentable. You watch in disbelief. He wasn't even going to stay the night?
"But Light..." you say softly and sit up.
As if he can read your thoughts, he reaches out to pet your head.
"I'll see you again soon. It won't be like this for too much longer," he says. You can see the hesitation in his eyes before he makes his next move. He leans down and kisses your forehead. "Keep being good for me. My little doll."
Those are the last words he says before he leaves you there alone.
Flopping back on the bed, you stare at the ceiling in silence. You may have been dressed like a goddess in your expensive get up, but you'd never felt so cheap.
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