#innkeeper dream

[crimson-and-clover-1717]

Ed & Agency: Poison into Positivity

In response to these posts by @ourfag here and @piratecaptainscaptainpirates here which are spot on, but broke my soul nonetheless, I want to look at how Stede and Ed interact in the final scene, and Stede demonstrates what healthy companionship looks like.

For me, it’s so important that the show finishes with an attempt at the Innkeeper dream because (other than Stede) this is the only want Ed has ever been shown to have which is truly his and which comes from a healthy place. It’s born of his own internal locus, not a trauma response, not coerced, and not an act of avoidance. Ed lacks assurance in speaking about the realisation of his ambition, but it’s significant how Stede confidence-builds subtly throughout this exchange, supporting Ed’s agency, and gently counteracting any negative talk. The difference in how Stede interacts which Ed compared with Ed’s father / Izzy / Jack / Hornigold / Pop-Pop… is startling and reassuring.

I’ve tried to traffic-light the speech with my interpretation of the emotion or tone. (It’s subjective, so cool if you read it differently).

positive neutral negative

S: So, we’re innkeepers then?

E: I thought we might give it a go, unless…you’re having second thoughts

S: I’m not, no.

E: It’s a bit of a shithole, I know S: It’s a fixer-upper. Good bones

E: Come on…Let’s try and find something to eat. Maybe there’s a feral animal or something we can cook up for dinner S: I love that idea. Place just needs a little elbow grease.

E: Jesus, what is that smell?

(my subtitles say Bonnet inhales and I find this ridiculously positive)

S: Smells of the future…to me

E: Yeah, love that

S: Me too… but we should actually find out what’s making that smell

E: Urgh! Fuck that’s strong!

S: Maybe we just air it out a bit

Ed often makes a neutral comment and then loses confidence, following with negative ideas. Stede offers positive or calm neutral responses, and Ed returns to neutral, or once to positive. And each time Ed falters, Stede subverts and mirrors back an alternative take:

It’s a bit of a shithole / It’s a fixer-upper

What’s that smell? / Smells of the future

Fuck, that’s strong / Maybe we just air it out a bit

Stede’s practical without being negative. He gently reframes Ed’s pessimistic thoughts without removing his agency. -It’s Ed’s dream, and they’re going to do it together

-It’s Ed deciding on how to acquire food, and they’re going to do it together.

It’s not that Stede will never have an opinion. But he won’t have one for the sake of it if Ed’s way is fine. We also know that if Ed wants Stede to take control, he damn well will. And knowing Stede can and will catch him if he falls, will help Ed continue to develop his confidence and self-esteem in making decisions and demonstrating agency. There is no perform for me or plan, plan, plan. And although it might be difficult, if Ed ‘fails’, it doesn’t have the same life or death high-stakes as piracy or with an Angry White Guy. Ed’s safe to fail with Stede.

Stede’s instinctive and intuitive understanding of how to handle Ed’s soul still leaves me astonished.

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

pspspsps come getcha bread

(this was the most photogenic loaf to come out of the set of four)

[araindropshallfall]

I haven’t read David’s fanfic but I heard Ed and Stede got out of customer service cheers to that

[milfbrainrot]

screaming moiraine looks almost entirely naked when lanfear's straddle choking her?!?? i think i can vaguely see some pathetic little bra piece but lanfear rly saw her and suiane's divorce and went haha i know what you are (mine)

[inkdrinkerworld]

Inn Love

cw: friends to lovers, cowboy!james, innkeeper!reader, pet names, fluff, scene setting really

wc: 2.6k

“Please Jamie? I just need a couple pounds of butter.” You bat your eyes at him, all sweet and innocent but James knows you.

“If I give you what I have left I won’t have any to sell in the market this weekend.” He’s trying to stand firm. He really really is.

For all your sweetness and innocence, you’re like a viper to James’ strength of will.

“I’ll pay you more than the market.” You’ll definitely try, but James can never charge you full price.

“I’m sorry, darling. Go to Malloy, he sells butter too.”

You wrinkle your nose. “No one sells butter that’s as good as yours, Jamie.” You’re trying as hard as you can, James seems unmoved. So you up the ante. “I’ll bring you one of the pound cakes on top of payment.”

James falters a bit then. You bake the best in the entire town. At your inn, The Secret Garden, that’s one of the best reviews after the impeccable mattresses. You also know James has the softest, sweetest spot for pound cake- especially the blood orange pound cake you make.

He groans and you squeal, your boots clicking on the cobble. James gestures for you to come into his house.

“You’re so fucking evil.” he mumbles, reaching into his second fridge and handing you three pounds of butter. You take a quick peek and find his fridge stocked with pre packaged butter wrapped pretty in parchment, cheese in there too. There’s even milk. James is the best damn dairy farmer this town has ever seen and it’s a wonder how he ever has enough butter.

“You are an angel, James Potter.” you wrap your arms around his neck, and James’ hands automatically wrap around your back.

He’s big and warm, smells like leather and blood oranges and for all his muscles James is surprisingly soft.

James can’t fight the smile on his lips when you let go of him. You really are sweet. “You’re lucky I made more butter today.”

You gasp, not at all surprised. “You playing hard ball with me, Jamie?”

He nods, setting his hat on the counter. “Maybe I wanted a pound cake for free.” he teases but James would never take anything from you without paying you no matter how much you try to get him to. He doesn’t really care that you’re friends, he’s paying you for everything.

“You’re losing angel status, Potter. I gotta go, gotta bake for breakfast tomorrow and for the market this weekend.”

“See ya’, darling.”

James spots you while you’re closing up your booth at the market and hands off the empty crates he was hauling to his friends, Sirius and Remus.

He jogs over to you, and places his hands on your shoulders. You startle and almost swing a punch at him but he catches your fist.

“Okay Rocky,” he chuckles when you put your hand to your chest, breathing heavily like you’d just run a mile.

“You scared me, James! How don’t you make noise when you walk?”

James rolls his eyes, taking your crates from you. You move to packing bags.

“I make lots of noise, you’re just in your head.” He says, you shrug with a smile.

“Did they buy all of your butter?” you ask as you start walking towards your truck, James close behind.

“And the milk and the cheese.” You roll your eyes at his cocky tone.

You know James better than most here. You went to school together, you used to ranch with him when you were younger and when his mom and dad still owned the ranch.

Then you’d both had to grow up, you going to business school and James having to take over the ranch after his mom and dad had gotten sick.

You’d come back for the funeral and been there when James couldn’t get out of bed to deal with the ranch and all the shit that came with that and stayed till he got better and could do it himself.

Then James helped you with the construction of The Secret Garden, your inn that became your baby.

All this to say is, you know James Potter and he’s not as cocky as he pretends to be.

Sure he’s any woman’s dream. With his inky curls always peeking out under his hat, his muscle tees that show off tan, muscled arms, his pretty brown eyes that remind you so much of browned butter and his fucking dimples.

But James is a sweetheart.

“I told you about that tone, Jamie. Makes you sound too sure of yourself.”

James only chuckles, placing the crates in your tray and the rest of your stuff.

“I’m sorry weren’t you telling me the other day that my butter’s the best?”

You wave him off, laughing as you open the back door.

“Do I give you your loaf now or at family dinner tonight?”

James smiles, this is the one routine you and James still have from when you were kids. You go over on Sunday night for family dinner and then you go to the inn and try to get to sleep before your three am alarm.

“I just spent all day in the hot sun and you’re gonna deprive me? You’re cruel, darling.”

You laugh, handing him the loaf and then reaching in your cooler for a bottle of water. “Here Jamie.”

James’ mouth is already stained pink with the icing from your cake. Crumbs clinging to his shirt and chin.

“James! Have some dignity.” your words are broken up with your laugh, James smiles when you hand him the open water bottle.

“Thanks, darling.” Half the loaf cake is gone, and James guzzles the water like he’s been dying of thirst the whole day.

You watch James drink, aware that you’ve been staring a little longer than necessary and James knows it too because he winks at you.

“What are we having for dinner, James?”

James smiles, “Beef, you wanted that last time when we had chicken.”

You smile, giddy as ever. If it’s one thing James can do is roast beef; it’s always tender and perfect.

“Do you need me to come over early and do the potatoes? With the rosemary and thyme?” James nods, breaking off another little bite of the cake.

“Meet me there in an hour? I know you gotta do dinner at the inn.”

You shake your head, “I got Mary doing dinner tonight, and I wanna check on Snowglobe.”

James’ hand falls over his heart, a look of mock offense on his face. “Do you not believe me when I tell you he’s okay?”

You roll your eyes, “Can’t I want to take my best boy for a little leg stretch?”

James grumbles, “Best boy? Snowglobe took two years to train when we were kids.”

You smile as you remember all the days you’d sleep in James’ room complaining about how Snowglobe hated you and would never warm up to you.

“And now he’s the best horse a girl could have.You’re just jealous Jamie.”

He says nothing, just takes his loaf cake and presses a kiss to your forehead.

“I’ll follow behind you. Try not to drive like you’re on a race track, yeah?” You nod, getting into your truck and letting James close the door for you.

You don’t listen to James’ words and speed towards his ranch, foot to the pedal even as you swing into the grocery for chocolate for dessert- lest you and James pass away without a sweet treat after dinner.

At his place, in the Big House, you and James work side by side prepping dinner. He seasons the beef, you season the potatoes and put them to roast and then start on a chocolate cake.

It’s not a fancy one, but it’s occasion enough for a chocolate cake.

“How long till everything is finished?” Sirius asks, hat on his chest as he walks in holding a six pack.

“About an hour.” You and James say at the same time. Remus rolls his eyes as he steps in behind his boyfriend.

“I got your fruit, you didn’t stop by.” He holds out three bowls of cut fruit and you smile.

“Thanks Rem, I swear everyone came for bread today! I sold out of it so fast I really contemplated going back to the inn and baking more.”

The boys hum, smiling when James opens a beer and slides it to you. You take it with a nod and a smile. Quickly, you uncover the bowl of watermelon, taking a few pieces and smiling at the sweetness.

“It’s cos it’s fucking amazing bread. Lasts the whole fucking week too.” A compliment from Sirius is always genuine- as long as you’d known him, about two years, you can count on one hand how many sweet words the man says.

Conversation lulls, James talks about his plans for the week, Sirius talks about how there’s too many people trying to build big condos in your town- he’s in real estate and Remus talks of how much simpler life had gotten since he’d started raising chickens again.

You shoot out of your seat, James watches you curiously. You pull the cake from the oven and turn to all three of them stern as can be, “Those potatoes have ten minutes. I’m going to see my horse, do not let them burn.”

You rush out of the Big House without another word, boots clicking against the wooden floors and then crunching on the gravel path as you make your way to the stables.

“Snowglobe, baby.” You call, passing each stall till you find your baby’s.

Snowglobe is an old boy, almost twenty four, but he’s always been perfect. He’s all white, a pretty shiny sort of white on his coat that makes him look like fresh fallen snow. Hence his name.

He raises his head as he sees you, tail flicking as you reach a hand into his stall.

“I missed you, old boy.” You kiss his nose, stepping into the stall and getting a brush. You’re sure the farm hands James hired keep him well groomed, but he likes a bit of pampering and he deserves it too.

You brush through his mane, talking to him and sneaking a couple apples to him.

There’s a knock on the stable doors and you startle, you hear James’ deep chuckle before you see him. “Dinner’s ready,”

You kiss Snowglobe on his nose again. “I’ll come by tomorrow and we’ll go riding, baby.”

James rolls his eyes when Snowglobe puts his face on your shoulder, stopping you from moving.

You grin wide, “I promise, old boy. We’ll go riding all evening.”

Snowglobe seems pleased because he lifts his head and lets you go.

“He’s as clingy as you are,” James says as you walk out beside him.

“He’s not clingy! He’s the best and I don’t come see him nearly enough.”

James scoffs, “The four times a week you ride him up and down the ranch isn’t enough?” He bumps your hips with his.

You shrug your shoulders with a smile, “He likes the exercise and your boys still saddle him. He doesn’t like it.”

James is well aware, Snowglobe tosses saddles off him if he’s feeling particularly annoyed with the weight of them some days.

James pushes open the door to the Big House. You walk past him, taking your seat on the table and groaning.

“This is gonna be fucking great.” Sirius laughs at your swear, and loads up your plate- roast potatoes, roast beef and salad.

By the time you’re all finished dinner, you and James have had two slices of cake each and you’re both sprawled on his sofa.

Remus is laying on Sirius with his hat on his stomach and Sirius’ is pulled low on his face.

“I gotta get going,” you say, breaking the silence. Your words are groggy, sleep close in your reaches the longer you lay beside James.

James sits up, “What time is your alarm?”

“Three thirty.”

James tries pulling you down beside him, but you don’t budge. “I’ll drop you back in the morning.”

You huff, a little amused. “What time do you usually wake up, James?”

“Four. I gotta check the fences though, so three thirty ain’t bad.”

There’s no use arguing with him, and you don’t really want to. He stretches out on the sofa,

Sirius and Remus are out cold, James doesn’t even move them. He just throws a blanket over them.

“C’mon, the guest room is always ready for you.” James sounds just as tired as you feel, his eyes look a little glassy too.

“Thanks Jamie,” you push open the door and smell the lavender spray you use at night strong as if you’d just sprayed it.

“Course darling, your blanket’s there too. Come get me when your alarm goes off, yeah?” James kisses your forehead, you smile.

“Yeah Jamie. Go get some sleep.”

You climb under your blankets, grinning when you smell the linen detergent James uses. Sleep comes quick, your eyes heavier than they’ve been all day now that you’re laying down.

-

Someone is shaking your shoulder and you don’t like it.

“Stop,” you groan, pushing the hand off you and pulling your blanket over your head.

“Darling it’s nearly three thirty. Come get some coffee.”

You groan, twisting in protest under the covers. “No. I’ll be down at three thirty.”

James rolls his eyes. “Don’t make me use advanced waking up tactics.”

Your head pops out of the covers, hair a little messed up. “You are not tugging this cover off me James. I swear to god.”

James smiles, “You’re so pleasant in the morning. C’mon, we’ll have coffee and one of those breakfast sandwiches and I’ll drop you off.”

The grumble you let out makes James laugh some more.

“Give me five minutes.” James nods, leaving the room and letting you go about your morning routine.

You find James pulling two sandwiches from his oven, setting yours on a plate and biting into his immediately.

“Thanks Jamie, where’s my coffee?”

James tilts his head to the pot, your favourite cup sitting right beside it.

“Your creamer’s in the fridge.”

You frown, “Where did you get sugar free creme brûlée creamer in the middle of summer?”

James shrugs, “Not telling. But it’s there.” James takes a sip of his own coffee, black with just a touch of sugar. “It’s turkey in the sandwich too.”

You smile, fixing your cup and then shuffling towards James to kiss his cheek.

“You’re cute, thank you Jamie.”

His cheeks redden without meaning too. “Eat so we can go darling. You got scones to bake and what is it today? Eggs and bacon with toasted sourdough?”

You nod, biting into your sandwich. “Yeah and I gotta do cookies today, want me to bring any over?”

James frowns, “Today?” You nod, taking the last bite of your sandwich and finishing off your coffee.

“Taking Snowglobe out after I finish up dinner at the inn.”

James rolls his eyes playfully. Since the moment Snowglobe stopped fighting you, the pair of you had been inseparable. “Yeah, you can bring a couple. Make sure and eat lunch.”

“Left overs?” Your eyes are wide and hopeful as you look at James. He feels his chest constrict a little.

He opens the fridge and pulls out a bowl, “Got everything here for you.”

“Angel status has been restored Jamie,” James grins, dimples poking out. Truly, he’d never been worried, you’re never actually upset with him ever. Angel status is always applied, but he can’t deny the way it makes him feel when you tell him that it is.

“You’re so gracious!” James bows, making you giggle and slap his shoulder. “Ready?” He asks as he rights himself. James opens the fridge again, pulling out the bowls of fruit Remus had brought over and setting them on your lunch.

“Ready, Jamie.”

[lovebunnie]

ed playing innkeeper with dream-hornigold like

[fortheloveofwonderland]

Rumoured Nights | S.R

This was written for the lovely and wonderful @foxy-eva milestone celebration. Congratulations love! 💕 I used the prompt - “someone has to unexpectedly share hotel room with their favourite coworker - who apparently really likes to cuddle.”

Set during 5.21 Exit Wounds - this ep just lends itself perfectly for a one bed fic.

Summary - a case in a small town in Alaska forces you and your favourite coworker into sharing a room and a bed. And according to Morgan, Spencer likes to cuddle.

Pairing - Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

Category - smut NSFW Minors DNI

Warnings - one bed trope, friends to lovers, sex dream, cuddly Spencer, swearing, making out, Spencer is touch starved, canon compliant death, meddling BAU team, interruptions, fingering, handjobs, penetrative, protected sex.

WC - 7.5k (don’t ask me how, she’s wordy)

“I’m not sleeping with Reid.” 

The comment was probably meant inoffensively, an off the cuff remark to make his coworkers laugh but instead only caused the youngest member of the team to blush furiously. 

Spencer Reid shrunk down in the armchair, attempting to hide his embarrassment from the eyes of his fellow team members who now all looked upon him. 

As far as he was aware, Morgan had never told the team what happened the one and only time they’d shared a room during a case. The confused looks being sent his way went to further that, thank god. 

It happened a few years back when they’d been on a case in a town equally as small as Franklin, Alaska where they found themselves now. Like tonight, the BNB was small and they’d had to double up. 

And Morgan had woken in the morning to find Spencer’s arms wrapped around him like he was the genius’s oversized teddy bear, and one of Spencer’s legs draped across him. 

Morgan had pushed the younger man off of him and apparently Spencer hadn’t even so much as stirred. It wasn’t even until a while later Morgan had filled him in on what he’d subconsciously done in his sleep. 

It was perfectly innocent. There was no more to it other than the fact that Spencer was painfully touch starved. He didn’t allow himself to dwell on how long exactly it had been since he’d had another warm body to share his bed with, but if he did he would be able to recite how long it had been down to the minute. 

It was an involuntary reaction. His subconscious must have gravitated him towards the body in his bed and held them without thought to who it was. In his unconscious mind, it didn’t matter who it was, just that he needed the comfort of holding somebody. 

He was glad Morgan hadn’t woken him because he would have been a hundred times more embarrassed if he had to remember his inappropriate middle of the night cuddle. 

While he relented to his own mortification, the rest of the team silently paired off. Garcia was quick to place her hand on Morgan’s arm, nabbing him as her roomie before anyone else had the chance.

Hotch and Rossi exchanged a look of understanding and JJ smiled at Emily, the brunette nodding back at the blonde in response. 

Spencer felt his stomach coiling into thick knots as he let his eyes glance across the room and land on you who had also noticed the non-verbal agreements taking place. You met his gaze and offered him a meek half-smile.

“Guess you’re with me, Doc.” You got to your feet, grabbing your bag off the floor. 

You tried to hide the look of sheer delight from your eyes, tried to pretend that this wasn’t the best outcome to you. There had always been something about Spencer that you found magnetic, his brain intrigued you and he wasn’t at all hard on the eyes. 

Through five years of working together you had kept your little crush underwraps, your poker face was second to none. 

So you had to play it cool. You couldn’t show how utterly thrilled you were that the chips had fallen in your favour. 

One by one the rest of the team stood with their bags and collected their room keys from the kindly innkeeper and headed towards the staircase. 

You hung back for Spencer while he procured the key and with an awkward smile he followed you to the stairs.

“Good luck, mama.” Morgan smirked at you, clapping a hand down on your shoulder as you went to pass him by. “Pretty boy here is a secret cuddler.” 

“Morgan!” Spencer’s voice pitched, around five octaves higher than his usual cadence. 

“She’s gonna find out sooner or later, kid.” Morgan winked at the younger man, causing Spencer to turn beet red again. 

You shook your head with a soft laugh, averting your eyes away from Derek and towards the bottom step.

“Uh, thanks for the heads up. Goodnight.” You started up the stairs, hearing Spencer following behind you. 

You met him at the door to your room and stood aside so he could unlock it. Like the gentleman he was, he held it open for you to enter first. 

It was you who first noticed the initial problem. When Spencer sidled up next to you a moment later he saw it too. 

One bed. There was only one freaking bed. 

“I’ll sleep on the floor.” He was quick to speak, dumping his go-bag on the dresser. 

“You’ll put your back out.” You rolled your eyes. 

“I’m not Rossi.” He scoffed, indignantly. “I’ll be fine.” 

“Spencer, your knee still hasn’t properly healed. I cannot in good conscience let you sleep on the floor.” 

“I’m fine,” he waved a dismissive hand. “I’ve been walking without my cane for months.” 

“With a limp.” You clucked. “If it makes you uncomfortable to share a bed, let me sleep on the floor, please?” 

“It is statistically improbable that I will let you sleep on the floor, Y/N.” He folded his arms across his chest in defiance. 

“Fine,” you shrugged. “It’s one night, Spence. We can share a bed can’t we?” 

For the third time in ten minutes, Spencer’s cheeks burned bright red with his embarrassment. 

“I, uh, you see…” he swallowed. “Morgan wasn’t lying about the cuddling thing. We had to share a bed once on a case and apparently I cuddled up to him in my sleep.” 

A smile tugged at your lips and you felt a little guilty given how mortified he looked. But honestly you thought it was incredibly adorable and plenty endearing.

Spencer was known for having an aversion to touch, always citing how many germs could be passed in a single handshake and how it was actually safer to kiss. So the thought of him hugging anyone made you smile, even if it was when he was asleep. 

“I just so happen to not totally hate that idea.” You tried to encourage him, not wanting him to be embarrassed. 

“Y-you don’t?” He stuttered with a frown. 

“It’s cute.” You smiled.

“I think the word you’re looking for is pathetic.” He sighed. “Who knows it might have just been a one off anyway. If you’re lucky, I’ll leave you alone.” 

Lucky? Some luck that would be. 

You hid your expression from him, the one that desperately loved the idea of him snuggling up to you in his sleep. You pushed it down, simply offering him a nod. 

You just might be disappointed if he didn’t cuddle you.

***

The two of you took turns in the bathroom, brushing your teeth and changing into your respective pyjamas. Usually you slept nude, or at the very least just in your panties, but thankfully you kept a pair of shorts and a tank top in your go-bag in case you ever found yourself in this position.

You were already in bed scrolling on your phone when Spencer stepped out of the bathroom. He wore a set of dark green flannel pyjama pants and a matching long sleeved top, buttoned right up to his neck. You smiled in amusement at him as he padded across the room.

“Why does it not surprise me one little bit that Doctor Spencer Reid even sleeps in a button down?” You giggled a little as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

“I get cold easily.” He shrugged, his back now to you. “And we are in Alaska.” 

You didn’t reply, simply watched him as he slid his legs under the sheets, his mismatched socks still adorned on his feet, and laid his long, messy hair on the pillow. He kept his back to you and he reached out and switched off the lamp.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” He whispered, tucking one hand beneath his pillow. 

“Goodnight, Spence.” You smiled to yourself as you closed your eyes.

***

It was still dark out when you stirred in your sleep, eyes fluttering slightly as you pulled the duvet further up to your chin. You would have fallen straight back to sleep if it hadn’t been for the sensation of something heavily draped over your ribcage. 

You were on your back, the ceiling staring back at you when you opened your eyes. It was then you realised there was something hard between your head and the pillow. 

You looked to your side and blinked against the darkness, trying to adjust your vision. A messy head of hair was next to you on your pillow, so close you could feel the soft breath coming from parted lips tickling your face.

It was then you pieced together that the thing that was under your head and across your torso were one in the same: Spencer’s arms. One was tucked beneath you, holding you close to him while the other cautiously rested over you, just below your breasts. 

His right leg was bent at the knee, slung over your bare thighs. His whole body was pressed up against your side and it was then you registered that something hard was digging into your left hip…

Oh, your eyes widened. Oh. 

You looked back at the ceiling, body going rigid in Spencer’s arms. It certainly did not take someone with a genius level IQ to figure out what it was. 

You tried to ignore it, willed yourself to go back to sleep and put it behind you. Maybe you were still asleep, perhaps this was just a really vivid dream. In the morning you would pretend it never happened, not wanting to embarrass the poor man. 

But then the situation somehow grew even more awkward, if that were possible. Spencer nuzzled closer to you in his sleep, his face buried against your neck. His breathing started to grow frantic and his hold on you tightened. 

And then he moaned. 

Your stomach tightened at the delicious sound, equally trying to commit it to memory and forget it at the same time. But then it happened again, the sound deeper this time. There was no denying it was a moan of pleasure. 

The third time he made the sound it was followed by the whimpered utterance of the word fuck. 

And when his hips started to gesticulate, grinding his hardness against your hip, you had to do something. 

“Spence?” You hissed, wriggling in his arms. “Spencer, wake up!” 

His eyes shot open suddenly and he huffed out a breath. His eyes were hooded with his sleep, his plump lips parted in confusion. 

For a few moments he just laid there, not registering his position or the bulge in his pyjama pants. He simply stared blankly at you. 

“What happened?” He groaned sleepily. “Another body?” 

“No….no. Not work.” You swallowed. “I uh, I don’t really know how to say this so I’m just gonna say it…I think you were having a sex dream.” 

His eyes got really wide, really fast. As your words registered with him he also realised he was holding you, snuggled tightly against you. And at the same moment he also realised the part of his anatomy that had woken up long before his brain had. 

And it was pressing right against your side. 

He scrambled away from you suddenly, drawing all of his limbs close to his torso and burying his face into the pillow. 

“Fuck,” he mumbled against the cushion. “Fuck, I am so unbelievably sorry. I’m going to…” 

He trailed off and quickly rolled to the edge of the bed but you were faster and you managed to grab his arm before he made it out. 

“Spence, it’s fine. These things happen. Let’s just go back to sleep and forget it ever happened.” You gently guided him back to the mattress and he flopped onto his back. 

“This is somehow more humiliating than when I cuddled Morgan. At least then I didn’t have a, uh…yeah.” He shook his head, not willing to finish that sentence. 

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, Spencer. You were dreaming, and apparently it was a very good dream.” You couldn’t help but laugh, trying to cast light on the situation and make him feel less uncomfortable.

It had the opposite effect.

“I really don’t see how this is funny. I’m lonely ok? I’m so painfully lonely that the only kind of physical contact I can get with a woman is in my sleep.” He blurted out, his brain not quite awake enough to stop the words coming out of his mouth. 

The room fell silent. Spencer stared at the ceiling, you stared at the side of Spencer’s face. 

It wasn’t exactly a surprise to hear. Spencer never talked about dating or anything of the sort and although Morgan had speculated he just kept his exploits quiet, you were never so sure. 

Spencer was awkward and shy and had a hard time talking to anyone he didn’t know unless it was in statistics and facts. 

So it didn’t surprise you to find this out, but it did surprise you that Spencer was offering that information out to you. 

“I, uh…” you croaked. 

“It’s ok, you don’t have to say anything. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable. I’m sorry that I had a sex dream about you but in my defence I can’t control my-”

“Hold up,” you cut him off, leaning up on your elbow so you could look at him properly. “Did you say you were dreaming about me?” 

His cheeks turned impossibly redder and he buried his face further into the pillow. 

“I assumed you knew that part. I thought you said…'' he wracked his brain.

No, you didn’t tell him he’d said your name. He’d added that part, assumed that you knew who he’d been dreaming about. Fuck. 

“You were dreaming about me.” You croaked, staring at what little of his face wasn’t covered by the pillow. 

“Y-yes.” He whispered. “As if the situation wasn’t already awkward enough. I can just go and sleep in the bathtub or something. The lobby even.” 

“Spence,” you gave his hair a gentle tug, trying to get him to look at you. 

Reluctantly he lifted his head and his eyes were wide and guilt ridden, his bottom lip cushioned between his teeth. 

“Yes?” 

“Do you…have you…” you couldn’t seem to finish that trail of thought. 

“Yes.” He clearly knew what you were trying to say. “It has happened before. More times than I care to admit right at this present moment.” 

“Oh.” You swallowed thickly. 

“So bathtub or lobby? How bad is this situation exactly? Does the bathroom put enough space between us or do I seriously need to leave the room entirely?” 

“My preference would be that you don’t go anywhere.” You confessed, causing Spencer to frown. “I mean, unless it’s closer to me.” 

“I…I’m not sure I understand.” 

“Sure you do.” You smiled, shuffling closer to him when he wouldn’t move. “The real thing will be so much better than even your wildest dreams, Spence.” 

An air of confidence washing over you, you finally got the chance to do something you’d been imagining for years and pressed your lips against his. 

He whimpered at the contact, momentarily dumbfounded by what was happening. But he soon managed to snap himself out of it and quickly took hold of your face and parted your lips with his tongue. 

As he deepened the kiss he rolled himself on top of you, already straining at the front of his flannel pants again. This time he was happy to roll his hips against you, really allowing you to feel him. 

You gasped into his mouth and he swallowed the sound down into his lungs. He held your face with care but the kiss was all frantic tongues and the clashing of teeth. 

It was years worth of pent up sexual tension for which neither of you had ever realised the other felt too, all spilling forth against the others lips. 

You wrapped your arms around his waist, fingertips brushing beneath the hem of his pyjama shirt, he moaned into the kiss when your hands glided over his back, across his shoulder blades and back down his spine. 

His own hands wandered at the same time his tongue hungrily explored every crevice of your mouth. His touch was featherlight down your biceps and forearms before falling towards your torso and following your lead, under the hem of your shirt. 

His finger brushed delicately over the sides of your ribs, up and down and up and down the skin, his fingertips making a mental note of how every dip and curve felt beneath them. 

His teeth grazed against your bottom lip before nibbling on it lightly and then pulling away. He sat back and looked down at you, your hands dislodging from under his shirt.

His pupils were blown out wide and his lips were puffy and red. His chest heaved his haggard breaths while he fought for air. 

You smiled up at him, reaching for the top button of his pyjama shirt. He let your deft fingers do their work, popping each button in turn and moving lower and lower down his abdomen. 

When the final button was undone he shucked the material off his shoulders and tossed it aside. His long curls hung around his face, framing him perfectly and you didn’t think anyone had ever looked as delicious as he did right now. 

His own hands brushed under your tank top again, palm flush against your stomach for a moment or two before he hooked his fingers in the fabric and started drawing it upwards. 

He let out a feral moan as he peeled the top away to reveal your bare breasts beneath. You helped him get it over your head and it soon joined Spencer’s shirt on the floor. 

He was open mouth staring at you, not even trying to hide it. You rolled your eyes with a soft chuckle, reaching for him and pulling him close.

“What’s the matter, Doc?” You spoke as you kissed him again. “Never seen a pair of tits before?” 

“None that magnificent, that's for certain.” He mumbled in reply. 

“Flattery will get you everywhere Doctor Reid.” Your hands moved to cup his clothed ass. 

“Fuck,” he hummed, rolling his hips against you. “Keep calling me Doctor Reid and it’ll be over before it begins.”

You laughed at the insinuation, wrapping your arms around him and expertly managing to flip you both over so his back was to the mattress and you were straddling his hips. 

His hair splayed out against the pillow and from this angle you were able to get a good look at what the good doctor was hiding in his pants. 

You involuntarily hissed at the sight and his eyes never left your chest. His hands were pawing at your hips, cloying at the fabric of your shorts. 

You raised your eyes to his face and waited for him to meet your gaze. When he did you made a show of grinding down against his lap, his mouth falling open as a moan erupted from his lungs. 

The friction caused by his pants rubbing against him was nice in a way but he would much rather a different kind of friction. 

He reached for your neck, pulling you closer so your bare chests crashed together and he kissed you deeply. 

You continued to grind against him, feeling his hard member between your legs and wishing for fewer clothes to be in the way. 

But before you could think about helping him undress further, Spencer’s hungry fingers were trailing up your thigh and grazing beneath the leg of your shorts. 

His hand wove higher, he could feel the heat emanating from your core. His fingertips lightly brushed against your pubic bone and you whined into his mouth. 

“Is that what you want?” He spoke against your lips, his other hand gripping the back of your neck tightly. 

“P-please…” you whimpered, nibbling on his lip and trying to move yourself closer to his waiting fingers.

Spencer chuckled almost darkly, brushing his fingers over the same spot. 

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited for this?” He whispered as your lips latched against his neck, sucking deep marks in his flesh. 

“About as long as I have. Please Spencer, please for the love of god!” 

The way you moaned so desperately for him made his head spin, no one had ever reacted like this for him. 

He inched his fingers nearer to where you wanted them, but as he was about to give you everything you’d been waiting for, an ear piercing scream reverberated in the room. 

You fell back as Spencer sat up, ears pricked and waiting in silence that now shrouded the room. Seconds passed that felt like hours until you both heard it again. 

“Help! Somebody please help!” 

“Is that…?” Spencer’s chest heaved in panic. 

“Penelope!” 

The two of you were suddenly out of bed and on your feet, scampering around to dress as quickly as possible. You threw a pair of jeans over your shorts, foregoing your tank top and tossing on a sweater instead before your coat. 

Spencer grabbed his pyjama shirt and fought with the buttons whilst stuffing his feet inside his converse. He grabbed his jacket and scarf on his way to the door, before quickly doubling back and picking up his revolver. 

You got your firearm as well, toeing on your boots as they two of you quickly dashed from the room. In the corridor you saw Morgan ahead of you, running towards the stairs. 

“You heard it too?” You asked as you ran to catch him. 

“You bet your ass I did.” Morgan hurried down the stairs with you in hot pursuit. “Pretty boy, wake the others. Y/N and I will check it out.” 

Spencer nodded though no one was looking at him. He fell back, his hand holding the gun dropping to his side as he made his way back to the other rooms.

His head was still spinning, dizzy with the lust from previous moments ago. Maybe this was a sign to him not to cross that line with his friend. The line was blurred, sure, but not yet so much as it couldn’t be rectified. 

All he could hope was that he hadn’t destroyed your friendship to the point of no return. 

You followed Morgan hurriedly towards the front door of the inn, guns pointed in front of you. You could still feel an electric current pulsing through your veins from Spencer’s touch, your lips still tingled from his kiss. 

You pushed it aside as a blast of frigid air hit you when Morgan opened the door and the two of you descended the front steps. 

“Help! Someone help!” Cried Penelope off in the distance. 

Morgan’s head whipped around almost three hundred and sixty degrees, eyes taking in the dark landscape to find what he was looking for. 

“Over there!” He barked, nodding his head towards two silhouettes in the trees. 

He quickened his pace, so did you. 

You found Garcia on her knees on the ground over the dead body of a man. She had tears streaming down her cheeks, her mouth hung open.

“I…and he…and then…”

“It’s ok baby girl,” Morgan crouched down next to her, stuffing his gun in the back of his jeans and helping her to her feet. 

You tucked your own gun away, leaning over the body and placing your index and middle finger to the side of his neck. 

No pulse. You didn’t think it needed to be spoken out loud. 

Garcia was sobbing, head buried against Morgan’s strong chest while he held her. The sound of crunching leaves alerted you to your company and you spun around to see the rest of the team running your way. 

Hotch and Rossi still wore their usual daytime attire but JJ and Emily wore sweats under large coats. Spencer looked an absolute picture in his pyjamas, coat and scarf hanging limply from his neck. 

He briefly made eye contact with you, but you broke it swiftly, glancing over at your boss who looked even more annoyed than usual. 

“Get her inside.” Hotch spoke to Morgan. “Someone call the sheriff.” 

Emily pulled her cell phone out and stepped away to make the call. 

“He knew we were staying here. This was a big risk.” Rossi huffed, glancing at the faces around him and lingering a little longer on Spencer. “Kid, why do you look so flustered?”

Spencer’s eyes widened and you saw him swallow thickly. You looked away, focused on the body on the floor. 

“I…” he squeaked, rolling his lip between his teeth. “I’m fine.” 

And if anyone noticed his voice was several octaves higher than usual, they kindly didn’t say anything. 

***

Over an hour later you all trudged back inside from the cold. The coroner had taken the body away and you would continue your investigation in the morning. 

Penelope was fraught, never having seen a dead body in real life let alone having to witness someone die. Morgan tried to keep her calm but even he couldn’t bring her back from this spiral.

When she stormed upstairs you all watched her go. Morgan looked over at you, his eyes asking you questions before his words did. 

“Can you…?” 

“Yeah.” You nodded. 

You moved past the others towards the stairs, you hadn’t so much as looked at Spencer in the last hour. He tried to make eye contact with you as you walked by but you kept your gaze forward.

Once you were up the stairs, Morgan sidled up to Spencer who was still watching you walk away. 

“You gonna tell me why you’ve been looking like a lost puppy for the last hour?” He cocked an eyebrow at the younger man. 

“What? I’m not! I’m…tired. I was sleeping when I heard Garcia.” Spencer averted his gaze.

“I hope that isn’t true.” Morgan scoffed. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Spencer frowned looking back at him. 

“It means,” JJ stepped forward, an amused smile on her lips. “We’ve all spent the last five years trying to get you and Y/N to see what the rest of us can see.”

“And what’s that?” He turned to JJ. 

“Oh please.” Emily chuckled. “You think we don’t notice the tension between the two of you? Morgan’s been single handedly trying to get the two of you to bone for years.” 

Spencer’s cheeks instantly turned red and he felt his chest tighten with his embarrassment. 

“I…I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He turned his back on them and headed for the stairs.

“Go get her lover boy.” Morgan called after him and they all fell about laughing while Spencer shrunk away. 

He was at least glad you hadn’t been privy to that. But he didn’t relish the idea of seeing you right now, that would surely be one awkward encounter. 

***

You found Penelope pacing the length of her and Derek’s room, muttering under her breath frantically. 

You cautiously entered, not wanting to startle her. 

“I watched him die.” She spoke when she saw you. “I watched him take his last breath, Y/N.” 

“I know.” You nodded slowly, coming close to your friend and placing your hands on her shoulders. “I can’t imagine how scary that was for you.” 

“I just…” she whined a little. “When I was shot, all I could think was that if I die the last face I’m ever going to see is the man who killed me. I didn’t want that for him.” 

“You’re too good for this world, Penny.” You squeezed her shoulders. 

“I don’t know how I’m ever going to sleep again.” She pulled free of your hold and started pacing again. “Tell me something, anything. Something to distract me.” 

“Uh…” you scratched the back of your head. “You did everything you could to help him?” 

“No, not that. Not about this.” She quickened her pace, arms flailing about as she walked. 

“Uh…I’m pretty sure after tonight you can get Morgan to spoon you. All you need to do is tell him how scared you were.” You tried again. 

“As delicious as that sounds, I don’t think Kevin would be too pleased about that.” She was a blur of colour, like a rainbow flying through the sky. “Please Y/N, I need to think of something other than this horrible night.”

Goddamnit. 

You had the exact thing she was looking for, the perfect piece of information to take her mind off of this. 

Goddamnit, here goes nothing. 

“I almost slept with Spencer tonight.” You blurted out before you could change your mind. 

As expected she immediately stopped pacing, halting in her tracks and glaring wide eyed at you. Her mouth hung open like she wanted to speak but couldn’t find the right words.

You rolled your lip between your teeth, awkwardly waiting for her to say something. Slowly she stepped closer to you, eyebrows raising towards her hairline. 

“You…and boy wonder?” 

“Yes.” 

“It’s about time!” She slapped your bicep and you growled at the impact. “Wait…did you say almost?” 

“Yeah, we didn’t quite get that far.” You rubbed your arm from her assault.

“Why not?” She sounded incredulous. 

“Because…the screaming? The cries for help?” You huffed. 

“I…I ruined your first time with Reid?” She gasped. “No, no that won’t do. You are going to march back to your room and resume all previous activities. Right now.”

“I don’t think that’s gonna happen.” You shook your head. 

“Why?”

“It was a dumb idea, Pen. We’re friends, we work together.” You sighed deeply.

“Friends who are utterly infatuated with one another and have been for the past five years.” She clucked. 

“Guess my poker face isn’t as good as I thought it was.” 

“It is not. You make heart eyes at him every time he walks into a room. And he’s just as bad!” Garcia sounded exasperated. “Go to him. Finish what you started. For the love of all things pink and sparkly.” 

“Penny, I love you but it’s not gonna happen.” You shrugged. “I’m not ruining one of my closest friendships for one night of passion.” 

“Ok…I do not like thinking of boy genius and the word passion in the same sentence.” She pulled a face. “That’s like thinking of my brother…gross.” 

You couldn’t help but laugh at the way her body shuddered at the thought. You were pleased at least you had managed to get her to calm down. 

“You gonna be ok if I go?” You smiled at her. 

“Morgan will probably be up soon, I’m sure he can protect me.” She smiled back. “Just let him down gently ok? Reid is fragile.” 

You rolled your eyes, backing away to the door. 

“Goodnight, Penelope.” You blew her a kiss as you opened the door and stepped out into the corridor. 

Across the hall your own door loomed. Your chest tightened as you pushed forward, hoping Spencer may already be asleep so as to avoid an awkward conversation. 

But you knew he wouldn’t be and that was confirmed when you entered your room and found him sitting on the edge of the bed as if waiting for you. 

He looked up from where he’d been staring at his lap when he heard the door close. He pushed himself to his feet, his jaw set tightly. 

“I don’t want to ruin our friendship.” He blurted out suddenly. 

“Me either.” You agreed, stepping closer to him as you got out of your jacket. 

You unsheathed your firearm and laid it on the dresser next to Spencer’s. 

“But uh…” he frowned, fighting an internal battle with his own thoughts. “Friendships are overrated right? I have plenty of friends…”

“Way too many friends.” You smiled and nodded as he reached for you, large hands cupping your face. 

“I don’t want to be your friend.” He whispered and then proceeded to crash your lips together. 

You immediately parted your lips and his tongue slid inside of your mouth while he pulled you back to the bed. You both fell to the mattress, you on top of him while never breaking the kiss. 

He didn’t want to waste a second, didn’t want to risk being pulled away from you again and so his hands quickly found the hem of your sweater and helped you out of it. 

You got his buttons undone and he guided you with a hand on your back, down to the mattress. He slipped the garment off of his shoulders and rolled himself on top of you, kissing you again. 

His hands wandered down your torso to the button of your jeans. His lips trailed to your neck and brushed along your collarbones. 

They moved lower, down to your right breast where he placed kisses on the swell of it before moving on and taking your hard nipple in his mouth. 

You moaned and bucked your hips to meet his erection in his pyjama pants. He popped the button on your jeans and you helped him shimmy them down your legs. 

When his lips moved to your neglected breast, you reached out and blindly groped him through his pants. He grinded against your hand, moaning around your nipple. 

His large hand glided back across the plains of your stomach before inching lower. His fingertips brushed over the waistband of your panties before disappearing beneath the fabric. 

His index finger located your clit and pressed firmly against it, another moan erupting from your chest. He pulled back from your nipple and looked down at you with a sinful smirk. 

He started rubbing deft circles between your legs, his nimble finger a thing of magic. Wanting to return the favour, your own hand slipped inside of his pants and you grasped the base of his cock in your hand. 

He moaned deeply, his finger working more frantically as you started to stroke him. He met your gaze, his lips parted and soft moans escaping between them. 

“F-fuck.” He stuttered, moving his finger from your clit and running it through your folds, collecting your arousal on his digit. 

His middle finger joined his index and pressed against your entrance. You increased your movement on his shaft as he pushed them slowly inside of you. 

“Jesus Christ.” You muttered as you clenched around him. “Jesus fucking Christ.” 

“Why the fuck have we never done this before?” He whined, pushing his fingers as deeply inside of you as he possibly could.

You whimpered, bucking your hips against him as he moved in and out of you hurriedly and your strokes of his member were becoming frantic. 

His head was already leaking with pre-cum and you swiped your thumb through it causing an animalistic growl to leave Spencer’s mouth. 

It was too much and not enough all at once. You needed more, you needed everything. 

His fingers slammed into you roughly, the sounds of your slickness filling the room. You twisted your fist as it moved up and down his cock and he was snapping his hips back and forth, practically fucking your hand. 

“Fuck…I don’t suppose you have a condom?” You panted, desperate to feel more of him. 

“Uh, embarrassingly yes I do.” He nodded, his cheeks flushing a little. 

“Why is that embarrassing?” You slowed your pace and Spencer slowly removed his fingers from inside of you. 

“It seems…presumptuous? It wasn’t like…I didn’t think…it’s not like that I swear. It’s, uh, a long story.” He stood up, locating his wallet on the dresser and unsheathing the small golden foil packet from inside. 

“I believe you, Doc.” You smiled at him as you shimmed out of your panties. 

Spencer’s mouth fell open at the sight of you laid bare for him. His hands started to tremble as he moved them to the waistband of his flannel pants. 

He wouldn’t look at you as he pulled them over his hips, down his legs and kicked them off of his feet. 

When he did look back at you, you were staring right at his crotch. 

Your chest heaved with frantic breaths and you were rolling your lip between your teeth. 

“Good god, Reid.” You smirked. “I need you like yesterday.” 

He shuddered at the desperation in your voice and shakily ripped the condom wrapper over. He moved closer to the bed again, holding the base of his shaft in one hand and rolling the rubber over his tip with the other. 

You spread your legs for him, welcoming him between them and wrapping them around his waist. He leant on his hands either side of your head, the veins in his arms pulsing as he held his weight above you. 

He eyed your face, an almost delicate smile on his lips and you weren’t sure what it meant. 

“What is it?” You asked him, reaching up to tuck his long hair behind his ears. 

“You’re sure about this?” He asked softly. 

“Very. Aren’t you?” 

“I’ve wanted this for so long.” He breathed. “But I really don’t want things to change between us.”

“Spence,” you brushed your knuckles across his cheek. “Things have already changed between us. But not in a bad way.” 

Linking your hands at the base of his neck you drew him close for a kiss. He moaned into your lips and you felt him finally pressing between your legs. 

He held his shaft again and guided him where he needed to be, his blunt head penetrating you, stretching you to accommodate him. 

He slowly sank into you, a long and shaky breath leaving his lungs. Inch by inch he ebbed deeper, your walls fluttering against him as your body made room for him. 

When he bottomed out he stilled, glancing between your bodies at where he was now sheathed inside of you. The look on his face was pure bliss, as though nothing in the world had ever felt this good to him. 

He lowered himself onto his forearms as he drew his hips backwards painfully slowly. But then he surprised you by roughly thrusting back into you. 

After that there was no holding him back, like a man possessed he started fucking you hard and fast into the mattress. 

He pounded against your cervix with each thrust, kissing you with a newfound ferocity. The room was encompassed by the sound of skin slapping against skin and your moans which were being swallowed by the other's mouth. 

He already knew he wouldn’t last long, but that was ok. He didn’t plan on this being the only time he fucked you tonight. 

It was completely unexpected, out of the blue for the mild mannered doctor to be such a stallion. But it was electrifying, dizzying, the way in which he pounded into you like his life depended on it yet kissed with such gentle passion.

Resting all of his weight on one arm, his other hand manoeuvred between your sweat slicked bodies and his finger pressed deftly against your clit again. 

He started rubbing intricate circles on your bud, hips still snapping back and forth, stretching your walls around his length. 

He had a few beads of sweat trickling down his forehead which was scrunched up much like his nose was. 

His chest was flushed beet red and his left arm which was holding him up shook with the exertion. 

Your legs tightened around his waist, walls clenching around his cock. A combination of his rough thrusts and ministrations on your clit we’re bringing you rapidly spiralling towards your orgasm. 

You assumed by the look in his face that he was close too and by the way in which he started to lose his rhythm a little, his thrusts becoming a little frantic. 

You drew him in for another kiss. It was slightly messy, teeth clashing together and tongues fighting their way into the other's mouth. 

He moaned deeply against your lips, his finger now rubbing against you rampantly.

“I’m s-so close.” He mumbled. “Can’t…don’t think I can…”

“Me too.” You agreed as you felt the tightening in the pit of your stomach. “Don’t stop. So close, don’t stop!” 

And he didn’t. 

The pressure was building and between his cock burying deep inside of you and his finger never letting up on your clit, you teetered on the brink. 

And then as if a volcano erupted, you reached your peak, moaning into Spencer’s mouth as your body convulsed beneath him. 

He felt you clenching around him as you came, causing a pressure to shoot through his member. He thrust deep one last time and whimpered as he felt the come shooting from his head in ropes, filling the condom. 

His hips continued to buck lazily as if he simply couldn’t get enough of this feeling. His hand fell from its spot between your legs and he collapsed on top of you, panting and sweat slicked. 

You could feel his heavy breaths as his chest moved against yours, could feel his heart erratically beating at his rib cage. 

He nuzzled his face into your neck, his breath fanning across your skin. His hips were still rolling, grinding against you not ready to stop despite how worn out he was. 

You stroked his cheek and moved your head so you could kiss him sleepily. He mumbled something incoherent against your lips. 

Eventually his movements stilled briefly before he cautiously pulled out of you. He rolled onto his back and peeled the condom from his softening member, tying a knot in the end and tossing it lazily in the general direction of the trash can. 

He shuffled a little, his arm finding his way beneath your head how you’d found it when you woke up in the night. 

You curled into him, resting your head on his chest and listening to the still slightly erratic beating of his heart. 

“I never like being friends anyway.” He mumbled, making you giggle. 

“Me either.” You slung your arm around his waist. “Whatever this is, it’s so much better.” 

He placed a kiss of agreement in your hair and snuggled closer to you as his eyes fluttered closed. 

He decided, as he drifted off to sleep, being a secret sleep cuddler maybe wasn’t so bad after all. 

***

Down the hall, Morgan flopped on the armchair in his and Penelope’s room, eyeing the blonde as she stared at her laptop screen. 

“What a night huh?” He ran his hand over his head. 

“Yah huh.” She nodded, bouncing a little in the bed as she did so. 

“You seem oddly chipper. Y/N manage to take your mind off of things?” He cocked an eyebrow at her. 

“Something like that.” A small smirk played at the corner of her mouth.

Derek sat up straight, scrutinising her curiously. 

“Spill.”

“What?” Her eyes snapped away from the screen and over at Morgan. The guilt was written all over her face. 

“You think I don’t know when you’re hiding something, baby girl? Spill.” He sat forward, leaning his elbows on his thighs. 

Penelope huffed out a breath, chewing on her bottom lip. 

“Promise not to tell anyone?”

“I promise.” He frowned. 

“I think…I think Y/N  and Spencer might be…you know.” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. 

Morgan’s eyes widened as he stared at her. 

“No way.”

“Yes way. Apparently they almost and then, you know, everything happened. But I’m hoping that they picked up where they left off.” She was grinning from ear to ear and it must have been contagious because a smile broke out on Morgan’s face too. 

“My man.” He smiled brightly, a glint of something in his eyes. 

“What was that?”

“What was what?”

“I too know when you’re hiding something Derek. Now you spill.” Garcia eyed him up, Morgan’s smile only grew. 

“I’m just happy is all,” he beamed in amusement. “And I’m really glad I made up that story about him cuddling up to me in his sleep now.” 

“You did what?” Garcia gasped, wide eyed. 

“It started as a prank, just to wind him up a bit, embarrass him. And I thought if I brought it up tonight it would put ideas in his subconscious. Guess it worked.” Derek looked exceedingly pleased with himself. 

“Derek Morgan, you are evil! Pure evil.” Penelope cackled, shaking her head at her chocolate thunder and his mischievous ways. 

“I was just giving him a nudge in the right direction, he needs all the help he can get.” He grinned happily, pushing himself up and sighing wistfully. 

“True, I love Reid and Y/N but they are so oblivious sometimes.” Garcia shut her laptop screen and laid back against the pillows. 

Her eyes closed and as such she didn’t see the playful look spread to his eyes as his smile somehow grew, encompassing his entire face. 

“And with any luck,” Morgan shuffled to the bed made up on the floor. “Pretty boy still had that condom I gave him.” 

[avcdgrdn]

── .✦ [ FIC ]: can i really stay here? [ part five ]

[ part one ] & [ part two ] & [ part three ] & [ part four ]

mullet stanley pines x innkeeper reader

tags: fluff, sfw, a bit of suggestive talk

word count: 2029

˙✧˖° ༘ ⋆｡˚

the serene atmosphere of your sunlit bedroom was suddenly disturbed as you jolted up in bed with a gasp.

heart racing and head spinning, you sat there, stunned.

was it … just a dream?

your brow furrowed as you looked up and around the familiar space. there was your bookshelf, your desk, your chair … oh.

you rubbed your eyes to do a double take at your chair. sure enough, atop it laid the two-piece outfit you had worn out with stanley last night.

slowly, a wide grin spread across your face. as you began to get out of bed and prepare yourself for the day, memories came back to you one by one.

let’s see, then … when we got back here, we had that conversation in the car. i remember being really sleepy, and kind of stumbling into the inn.

you wandered into your bathroom, splashing your face with cold water.

then, we parted ways. he practically skipped away to his room.

the faucet ran as you laughed softly to yourself. a certain warmth filled your chest, spreading throughout your body: an uncontrollable joy.

who would’ve guessed? me, in love … i’m so happy.

suddenly, everything was peaches, unicorns, and rainbows. you felt as if the butterflies in your stomach were throwing a wild dance party, and all the world was invited. ecstatic, you danced around your room, putting on day clothes and taking extra care as you groomed yourself. yes, this called for three extra spritzes of your favorite fragrance. absolutely, it required your nicest jewelry. after all, you were on a serotonin high, and you never wanted to come down—the person that you love loves you back!

as you made your way out into the hallway, a part of you was tempted to slide down the staircase like mary poppins, but you quickly decided against it as you recalled your lack of magical gravity-altering powers. instead, you settled for a regular-paced descent, walking down both sets of stairs until you came out into the lobby.

you waved to one of your employees at the front desk. “good morning!”

“ah, good morning, boss. you sound cheery today. did something good happen?”

“wellll, yeahhh, you could say that …” you beamed, covering your mouth like a child with an innocent secret.

the worker laughed, shaking his head. “i won’t pry, although i do have a guess as to what it is. you’re all set to take your shift, by the way.” he walked out from the desk, and you took his place, watching as he disappeared to go on break.

just then, a hand touched your shoulder.

“boo.”

you jumped, whipping around to the source of the voice. a smug stanley stood beside you, laughing at the reaction he’d managed from you.

“haha! hey, don’t be scared, toots. ‘s just me.” he winked, giving you a small squeeze before letting his arm fall down to his side. “ya look cute t’day.”

“you look pretty nice yourself.” you hummed, giving him a quick once-over. that earned a small blush from stan, who stammered as he attempted to think of a comeback.

“oh—oh yeah? well you—uh … ahh, i got nothin’.” he grinned sheepishly, pleasantly surprised at the way you were matching his energy.

at that moment, the little entrance bell rung as the front door swung open. a new guest had entered the building. recognizing this, stan took his cue to back away and let you do your job.

the stranger approached the front desk, and you offered him a smile. “welcome to the inn! just a room for one today?”

the stranger, who appeared to be tall and blond, stared at you with piercing blue eyes. “yes … that was the plan. but i must say, you’re a charming little doll. you might just make it a room for two.”

you were taken aback. “sir—”

“hey, can you blame me? i’m in town for a tour, and i’m awfully bored … why don’t you humor me?”

*SLAM*

stanley’s rough hand hit the desk surface with force as he positioned himself between the stranger and yourself.

“you got a problem?”

his threatening words rumbled lowly, striking through the air like thunder.

“what’s it to you, lowlife raccoon? do you really think you’re scaring anyone with that attitude?”

the bulkier man growled, his eye twitching. “you wanna take this outside, punk?”

“yes, let’s. i’d hate for your little crush here to watch you get hurt.”

immediately, alarm bells went off in your head. “wait, what—”

stan began to walk towards the back door with the troublemaker. shooting a glance back at you, he mouthed ‘don’t worry’ before closing the door behind him. of course, that only made you worry twice as much.

a part of you longed to follow them and make sure nothing bad happened, but you knew that you couldn’t just abandon the desk during your shift. an anxious breath escaped from your lips as you craned your neck to try and see if you could catch a glance of them through the window.

mere seconds later, there was a distant crash. you startled, quickly running over to the back door and opening it to look for the two men. much to your relief, stanley came walking back over to you from around the corner, completely unscathed.

“guy ran off all scared after i knocked his tooth out. said sumthin’ about his ‘career being ruined’. tch, what a wuss.” he rolled his eyes, sliding his arm around your waist and walking you back towards the front desk. “sorry he said that stuff to ya. i took care of it, though, yeah?”

you flushed a shade of red at his arm around you and his close proximity. “y–yes. thank you, stan.”

the brunet puffed up with pride. “anytime, angel. if somebody tries anything like that again, y’ come get me. i’ll take care of you.”

looking this way and that, he leaned in and planted a soft kiss on your cheek before grabbing his car keys and walking towards the front door. “i gotta thing to do. see ya later, gator.”

you stood frozen in place, processing what had just happened. explosions were going off in your brain, and stan chuckled to himself as he left the inn.

some time passed, and it was finally your lunch break. you’d been thoroughly distracted all morning by the way stanley had been acting towards you.

he’s so … clingy. ugh, i miss him already.

his hair is so pretty … and his eyes … and that stubble …

you were slowly being pulled into daydream land—but the rumbling of your stomach snapped you out of it.

“urgh. time to eat.” you mumbled to yourself, making your way to your room. there were some leftovers in the fridge that were practically calling your name.

after retrieving the box of food and a clean fork, you turned around to return to the lobby, but stopped in your tracks upon seeing someone standing in the doorway.

“heya, toots!” stan beamed, his hands shoved into his jacket pockets. “yer never gonna believe what just happened.”

this was the most excited and happy you’d ever seen him. intrigued, you set down your leftovers on the table, giving him your full attention. “what is it?”

“i just landed a security guard gig for the theater down the street. they figured out i could throw a punch or two, an’ offered to pay me full-time to keep troublemakers away from their shows!”

your eyes widened as you realized what this meant. “then … that means …”

“i can stick around n’ actually have a chance at making the green i need!” grinning, he threw his arms around you. “i’ll stop takin’ up space here, n’ get a place for us—i mean, me—i mean—”

you laughed, squeezing him tightly and resting your head on his shoulder. “stan, i am so proud of you!”

hearing those words did something inside of him. his whole body tensed, then relaxed, overwhelmed with emotion. “you … you are?”

“of course! i love you too much to feel any other way, y’know.”

tears stung at his vision, and he hastily rubbed them away with his sleeve. “... heh, thank you.”

stepping back to look him in the eye, you rested both hands on top of his shoulders. “when you first got here … i could tell how unhappy you were. i hated seeing you like that.” you moved one hand to brush some hair out of his face. “and now look at you. you’ve come so far.”

stan melted into your touch, leaning his face into the palm of your hand without thinking. “yeah, i … i guess i have come a ways, huh?” he sighed, a tender smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “honestly, you were the one who caused it. ‘f it weren’t for all your help, i … i’d prob’ly be in an even darker place than i was before.” turning his head, he kissed the inside of your palm. “thank you.”

you blushed, your whole body warm with happiness, gratitude, and excitement. “well, i couldn’t just ignore you.” you pulled him into another embrace, unable to wipe the smile off your face. “stanley, you’ve captivated me, mind, heart, and soul.”

he hummed lowly, pushing your hair back to press another kiss to your forehead. “you did the same thing to me. i … just can’t stop thinkin’ about you.” he pulled his head back to gaze at you lovingly. “... ‘bout how lucky i got to find you.. my angel.”

“i love you.”

“heh– not more than i do, toots.”

“no proof.”

you were just inches away from a second-ever kiss when a knock on the door rudely interrupted, causing the two of you to jump away from each other and stare as it began to open.

“oh sh–” stan slapped his hand over his mouth, diving behind the sofa to hide. all you could do was stand there as normally as you possibly could, pretending like nothing important had been previously happening.

“uh … was there someone else in here, too?”

it was your coworker from earlier that day.

“NOPE! nobody. just me. why would you think that?”

he narrowed his eyes. “right … you know it’s your property, it’s okay if there was someone.” shaking his head, he remembered his initial purpose. “anyway, i just wanted to come find you to see if you wanted to go out to lunch with me and liz.”

“oh. well, uh …”

“... it would also be a nice opportunity to tell us about any … juicy secrets?”

you snickered, shaking your head fondly. “well, fine. i’ll tag along, then—with a plus one.”

“I KNEW IT! —i mean, uh, cool, good deal. we’re meeting in the lobby in ten.”

“i’ll be there.” you waved goodbye as he shut the door, and stan reappeared from behind the couch. the two of you simply exchanged looks, and started laughing.

so, you had a lovely lunch outing with two of your co-workers and a rather nervous stanley. he was surprisingly shy for the intimidating big-guy persona that he gave off, which was adorable. it didn’t take long for him to earn the approval of the others—they were both moved to tears after listening to his life story. jeff, the male of the two, kept complaining about how it wasn’t fair that you had such a good man just suddenly show up on your doorstep, whereas liz warned stan that if he ever hurt you he would have to deal with her. all in all, the whole group had a great time.

presently, you were sorting through a mail delivery that had come for the inn, making different piles for guests and employees who had received letters and other packages.

it was just then that something caught your eye.

it was a postcard … addressed to stan.

huh … i wonder what this could be about?

you stifled your curiosities and stopped yourself from reading his mail, and instead chose to slip it underneath his door.

oh, well. i’m sure it’s nothing important.

… right?

end

author's note:

*holds stanley so gently in the palm of my hand*

love this guy ... what a guy

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[sharkgirldick]

A knight and a squire

Duty and loyalty are everything to a knight. I am sworn to no lord, no kingdom, only the people. Where the evil prey upon those who cannot defend themselves, I arrive with sword in hand. I am no legend, nor even a local hero. I would prefer if the lands never learn my name, no stories or songs written of my battles. I do what must be done, because it must be done.

Yet, still, I find myself with a squire. She is like I am, resolute in her desire to fulfil her duty. She is much like I was as well, unsure of her place in the world and just what justice and honor mean to her. She had come of age only the year before I came to her village to kill a beast that was plaguing their livestock. In the months since then, she had become a welcome companion on the lonely roads of the kingdom.

The night was cold, a perfect chill, our breath steaming away from us as we sparred. Her form had improved immensely in the last few weeks, though her footwork was still stiff. To punctuate that, I went in for a simple overhead swing, stepping slightly to the side to indicate what I planned to do. She brought her blade up to block, but stood in place. I weaved to the side, twisting my blade past her simple guard, baring the tip against her throat.

"Pay attention to more than just an enemy's blade. Watch where they move, and move with them." She looked at me for a moment, then I pulled my sword away from her. Cold steel no longer near her flushed skin, she nodded.

Later, our daily drills and sparring complete, we stat by the fire, a simply stew cooking over a pot.

"Sir?"

"We aren't strangers any longer, Grace. Just call me Valeria."

"M-Miss Valeria?" It would have to do. She was much too formal, even when we spoke in private like this.

"Yes?"

"Were you a knight of the Order?"

"No. I trained under a paladin for a time, but I was to be sworn to the realm when my training was complete."

"But you have told me you did not take an oath."

"In a way. On the day I was to be sworn, I instead made my own vow, and became an Errant. That has been my life for the past six years."

"So…" She hesitated, and I watched her from the corner of my eyes as I stirred the stew. "So you are allowed to take a spouse?"

I had to stifle a laugh. "Afraid you will never lay with someone, is that it?"

"No! I, just… I was curious if you had ever thought of marrying and starting a family."

"I have had my share of bed companions, especially on cold nights like we find ourselves in. I don't think I'll ever settle down anywhere, and a spouse… Maybe if they were also a knight and took to traveling with me. But many knights also dream of retirement." She lingered on that for a moment. "Allow me to respond in kind with my own question." She looked a bit startled, but nodded. "When you dream of someone in bed with you, do you think of a man or a woman? Or perhaps someone who is neither?"

Her cheeks, already red from the cold, turned even more crimson.

Looking away into the dark of the woods, she said "A woman."

"How many young ladies did you get the chance to romance before you left your village? I believe the innkeeper's girl seemed somewhat keen on you. At least, she was rather disappointed when you left with me."

She worked her mouth a bit, face still incredibly flushed, then, in a small voice. "No one. You are the only woman I have spent any time alone with." She looked up at me, and I turned my attention from the pot to her. In the moment that our eyes locked, I understood.

A little mischief crept into me, alongside a sly grin creeping onto my face. I moved the pot from the fire, satisfied with it. It wouldn't take too long to cool in this weather.

I moved closer to Grace, watching her intently now. "You are my student." I said, plainly. A nod from her. "Then… Would you like me to instruct you in love as well?"

"I…"

I pushed on before she could protest. "It wouldn't sit well with me if you didn't have the skills to woo a woman who catches your eye, even more so if you were completely in the dark once you could lay with her. In a way I've taken the opportunity for you to learn that on your own." I leaned in closer to her, the pale fog of our breath mingling together now.

"Sir, I wouldn't be-"

"Valeria."

"V-Valeria…" The little bit of confidence she had to properly argue withered away as she said my name. "Miss Valeria, I couldn't. You are… We are… I."

Slowly, gently, I cupped her face with my hand, and her words completely petered out. "Grace. The food will get too cold, soon. We only have a few moments. Would you like to kiss me?"

Her eyes went wide, her cheek as warm as the fire beside us against my hand. Taking a steadying breath, she nodded.

I leaned in, eyes closing, and I stole away my squire's first kiss. She was awkward, both from lack of experience and nerves, but she was warm, and I can't deny that I could feel my body react from almost a full year without this kind of intimacy.

I broke the kiss and leaned back, my hand sliding away from her face. She simply sat there, swaying, with her eyes closed. Unceremoniously, I stood and gathered our bowls and spoons, giving both of us a generous portion of our dinner, then set the pot aside to clean. I handed her our meal, then sat. We ate in a comfortable silence.

I promised her I would add romance and intimacy to her lessons, much to her embarrassment. I would have to cultivate her even more, my burden to my squire only growing.

Of course, all I could do was fulfil that obligation. After all, duty and loyalty are everything to a knight.

[eclipsedechoesofmywords]

Hi hi if you're still doing requests and are up for it, I'd love to request something for Kaz Brekker. Comfort in Chaos was so good.

I have a few ideas and I'm not picky at all so literally anything Kaz would be wonderful!!

If you want specifics maybe like some sort of emotional hurt/comfort? Or an only one bed situation? Idk I'm bad at this haha

"Where We Are Safe"

[Kaz Brekker x fem!reader]

Masterlist

Summary: After a long day of battle and being separated from friends, Kaz and you seek refuge for the night. With their plans ruined and only a decrepit inn available, they find themselves sharing a bed in a cramped room

Warnings: hurt/comfort, only one-bed trope, fluff

Word Count: 1k words

A/N: Hello love! Thank you for the kind words about Comfort in Chaos! I wasn't quite sure how to feel about it because I didn't know if it stayed true to Kaz's character or not- if you want to share those ideas for other reqs do go ahead! Anyway...enjoy!

Kaz had been adamant about securing a safe place for the night, but when the landlord of the only good inn in town recognized him, he knew they had to leave. What did you expect from Kaz Brekker?

The rain poured down outside as you both ducked into an alley, catching your breath.

"Of all the places…" you muttered, shaking off the chill.

Kaz’s jaw clenched. "We’ll find somewhere else. Just keep your voice down."

You rolled your eyes but stayed quiet. With each passing moment, the chill seeped deeper, exhaustion pressing down on your shoulders. It had been a long day of dealing with enemies and you had been separated from Jesper and Inej in fervour of battle.

After a few more tense turns through the streets, Kaz finally stopped in front of a decrepit building. The sign above the door swung lazily, reading "The Cracked Pot."

"Really?" you ask him.

"Do you have any better ideas? Because I would love to hear them," he retorts.

You grumble, having had no plans in what looked like a dumpster.

It was a dumpster. As you entered, the scent of damp wood and stale beer enveloped you. The innkeeper eyed you both warily but handed over a key with a dismissive grunt.

Kaz led the way up the creaking stairs. The room was small, the single bed taking up most of the space, with a rickety chair in the corner. 

"Oh, you have to be kidding," you groan as you look around the room.

"There’s only one bed," he observed, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"I do have eyes, Brekker," you mutter.

Kaz leaned against the wall, arms crossed, a smirk dancing on his lips. "Looks like we’re going to have to share. You’ll survive."

"Share?" You raised an eyebrow. "Oh, you have got to be kidding."

"What do you want the chair then?" He nodded towards it, the legs wobbling ominously.

You pout. "Why can't you take the chair?"

"Because I’d rather not wake up with a crick in my neck," you replied.

He watched as you considered his words. Finally, you sighed. "Fine. We’ll share the bed. But don’t think I’m going to cuddle or anything."

He chuckled, the sound low and teasing. "Wouldn’t dream of it."

As you two settled onto the bed, you tried to shake off the weariness that clung to you. 

The patter of the rain outside created a strange comfort.

"Why are you so tense?" you asked, propping themselves up on one elbow.

"I’m always tense," he replied, glancing toward the window. "It’s part of the job."

"But you don’t have to be all the time," you pressed. "We’re safe for now."

Kaz turns to you."Safe? In this dump? We’ve barely escaped death more than once today."

"Kaz, it’s okay to let your guard down sometime. You don’t always have to be Dirty Hands."

Kaz’s gaze flickered. "You think I don’t want to? You think it’s that easy?"

You sigh. "I know it’s not. But you can’t carry all that weight alone, Kaz. You don’t have to be the infamous Kaz Brekker every second of the day."

He shifted slightly, the tension in his body still palpable. "That’s who I am. This life... it doesn’t allow for softness."

You moved closer, the small bed forcing you to close the distance between you. "And I’m not asking you to change. Just... let me in a little. I’m here, and I want to help carry that weight."

Kaz's jaw tightened. "You don’t understand," he finally said, his voice a low rasp. "Letting people in only leads to pain."

"I know that better than most," you replied softly. "But I’d rather share the pain than face it alone. You don’t have to be strong all the time."

For a moment, silence enveloped the room, broken only by the rain tapping against the window. Kaz’s expression softened, though the hardness in his eyes lingered. "I’m not used to this," he admitted, almost reluctantly.

"Then let me help you get used to it," you urged gently. "We’re a team, remember?"

He shifted again, looking away. "What if I let you in and you regret it?"

"I can deal with that," you said.

Kaz finally met your gaze. "You really mean that?"

"We’re a team, remember?"

He inhaled deeply, and you could see the tension start to ease from his shoulders. "You get some rest. I'll keep watch."

"Keep watch?"

"Yes. If anything happens, I’ll be the first to react. Just… try to get some sleep."

You couldn’t help but smile softly. "You really think I’m going to fall asleep while you’re brooding in the corner?"

He smirked. "You’d be surprised how well you can sleep when you feel safe."

"Safe? Here?" You gestured to the peeling wallpaper and the threadbare bedspread.

Kaz’s gaze softened. "With me, yes. You’re safer than you think."

You settled back against the pillows, the weight of the day pressing down on you, but his words lingered in the air like a warm promise. "Okay, but you better wake me if anything happens."

"I will," he said, voice steady.

As you closed your eyes, the rhythm of the rain became a lullaby, lulling you into a fragile peace. 

You felt the bed shift slightly as Kaz moved, positioning himself near the edge, ever vigilant. You were aware of him, the constant presence that had become your anchor in the storm.

Sleep tugged at you, but you couldn’t shake the worry. "Kaz?" you murmured, opening one eye.

"What?" His voice was low, as if he were trying not to disturb the fragile quiet of the room.

"Thank you. For… everything."

He paused, the weight of your words settling between you. "You don’t have to thank me."

"I want to," you insisted. "You’ve always had my back. Even when you think you’re alone in this."

Kaz was silent for a moment, the tension in the room shifting once more. "I’m not used to being… appreciated," he admitted quietly.

"Then get used to it. You deserve it," you replied.

He glanced at you. "It’s hard to believe that sometimes."

"Believe it," you whispered, feeling sleep tugging at your consciousness again.

He didn’t answer, but you sensed something shift in the air—something warm, something that felt like hope. You let your eyes close.

When you finally drifted off, the world outside faded away, leaving only the sound of rain and the quiet certainty that you were not alone.

Kaz may have been a shadow in the night, but you knew he was there, keeping watch, ready to fight.

[babykittenteach]

Frankly, a way too sweet and peaceful a drawing for But the Dream is Strong, an omegaverse innkeeper fic the result of a writing fugue state, but that's how things go sometimes.

I just think Ed should get to be content.

[asneakyfox]

i've seen this from a couple different people but i really think it's a misread to think the character arc of gentlebeard in the djenks holiday special is actually that ed is just being lazy and doesn't want to do hard stuff and he needs to be managed. i mean, he could probably help stede out more, but that doesn't look to me like the core of the actual problem at all?

it seems to me like what's going on is that stede is determined to Not Run Away. "i'm not changing my life again." stede abandoned his first marriage, and then he abandoned ed, and then he abandoned his first marriage AGAIN, and then he abandoned piracy, and now! now he's supposed to have things figured out! now he's not going to be a guy who runs anymore! now is when he shows that he can commit to things! he's committed to his life with ed and part of his life with ed is being innkeepers so THE INN HAS TO SUCCEED AT ALL COSTS.

he cannot admit even inside his own mind that he just fucking hates innkeeping, because that would mean admitting failure. innkeeping was ed's dream! how could he be selfish enough to give up on ed's dream? he's gotten his brain into a state where the success of the inn equals the success of his relationship with ed, and he's gotten so obsessed with that he's not paying attention to their actual relationship. and at the same time he's miserable so it comes out as frustration with ed because it can't be that he doesn't like innkeeping and he's working so hard he can't do any more so surely it must be that ed's the one who needs to be more committed?

(plus what would he do instead? he doesn't want to go back to piracy because he doesn't want to die anymore, or see ed die, and what other options are there? if he admits he hates the inn then he'd have to admit he doesn't actually KNOW what he wants to do and that would be terrible because maybe the problem is him, maybe he'll always feel like this wherever he goes, maybe he just doesn't know how to be happy)

what he needs to say is "i want to be with you but i don't want to be innkeepers, can we figure out something else?" but he cannot say that, he can't even think that, and it comes out as "why aren't you helping with cakes more?" it's not about the cakes.

[crimson-and-clover-1717]

The Erasing of Ed’s Personhood (again).

Some interpretations of Stede and Izzy during the Rhys and Con Q&A at SFROP didn’t sit well with me.

There’s sexual frisson between Stede and Izzy in the candle scene

What canon shows: That Stede flatters Izzy into mentoring him in a similar way Ed uses flattery in 104 when telling Izzy he could be the Captain of the Revenge. It’s knowing your audience and what motivates them. But this isn’t flirting on Stede’s part. It’s emotionally intelligent leadership.

This alleged sexual frisson takes place immediately after Stede has found Ed, the love of his life, whom he has been desperately trying to find for months. For whom he has willingly given everything up. Stede cannot see another man for Ed. Stede’s whole love and sexual awakening is built around Ed. He’s Ed-emotional, Ed-sexual.

And we’re meant to believe the moment Stede is out of Ed’s presence - Ed, who has massive trust issues - that there’s a mutual homoerotic moment between Stede and Izzy, because Izzy has his shirt off and Stede says some dubiously flattering things? It’s reductive towards Ed and mocking of his character. It’s actually an incredibly cruel interpretation. It isn’t the show. It. just. isn’t. the. show.

Izzy is a good mentor to Stede

What canon shows: Stede ‘being the captain’ by asking Izzy to mentor him. Stede is putting into practice ‘keep your friends close and enemies closer’ by trying to give Izzy a role. The devil makes work for idle Izzy Hands, so keep him busy. But punching someone in the stomach, yelling at them, and telling them they have such a total lack of skills you don’t know how they’re still alive… when they rescued your sorry ass two nights previous!…does not a mentor make. And Stede doesn’t learn anything useful really. I mean at least he learned something that saved his life with Ed even if it was through flirting. The fact Stede also seems to enjoy some of Izzy’s approval doesn’t make Izzy a good mentor either. It makes Stede someone who is still wrestling with his identity, and reconciling differing aspects of his masculinity. Stede’s parental trauma causes him to attach too much significance to it.

That Stede and Izzy caused Ed’s decline and have equal responsibility for fixing the man they both love (this one boiled my piss).

What canon shows: Ed is devastated by Stede not turning up at the dock. Ed then processes some of this in a reasonably healthy way — curling up under blankets, eating marmalade, writing doggerel, talking to a friend, crying, showing pain publicly, exploring shared feelings, making a plan to feel better through art (singing), and tidying up his room. Ed is attempting to put into practice Stede’s philosophy: beauty, aestheticism, art as therapy, open emotions, talking it through.

We can’t know what would’ve happened next because the narrative doesn’t bend that way, but without Izzy’s intervention, what Ed doesn’t do is fall into the Kraken spiral. Ed is pretty much forced to a shuddering emotional halt, mid-catharsis - that in itself causes further trauma. Many therapists will tell you that stopping emotional work suddenly can be worse than never beginning at all. On top of that suppression, Ed now fears harm might be done to him should he appear weak. To say Stede and Izzy are equally responsible for Ed’s Kraken spiral is just not true.

Second, Ed isn’t an object to be fixed. Ed isn’t something to be moulded or unfolded. Ed isn’t the exotic plaything of two white men. Ed isn’t a toy or cipher or prize to be won between a bourgeois hero and some proletariat antagonist. Ed really just needs to be left the fuck alone so he can develop some self-actualisation. Let him try his innkeeper dream and fail. Let him see the world doesn’t end when he does. I truly believe Stede is the only individual who can give Ed the room and psychological safety to explore a range of human emotion and identities, as well as providing that soft place to fall when Ed inevitably needs it. And it isn’t even that Ed needs to fix himself. He just needs to be allowed to breathe and be and exist in all his human messiness, judgment-free, fear-free.

That Stede’s crying as Izzy dies shows how much he has grown to care about Izzy, that there is mutual respect, and Stede is left devastated.

What canon shows: That Stede CRIES! He cries all of the time. And I have championed this over and over. He cries in 13/18 episodes. He makes it safe for others to cry. Crying is Stede’s superpower. It helps him process emotions healthily. Stede, I believe, is crying when Izzy dies for the following reasons:

Because he’s Stede

Because he’s the Captain and he didn’t get everyone out alive (doesn’t matter the great Israel Hands can’t check a pocket for weapons).

Because Ed is devastated, and Stede loves Ed

Because Stede isn’t a colossal prick. He says ‘poor bugger’ towards Chauncey moments after escaping execution. Stede’s an empath. Stede understands the pity of it all. Stede can see the intrinsic value in most people, even Izzy. That doesn’t tell me anything about Izzy, but everything about Stede. And it doesn’t make Izzy special to Stede. It makes humans special to Stede.

Why these misinterpretations upset me so much is what it does to the validity of Ed’s characterisation. The idea there’s a sexual ‘knowing’ behind Ed’s back between the two white guys which they choose not to act upon because they decide to work together to objectify and ‘fix Ed’ instead. The idea that Izzy is a better mentor and influence than Ed. The objectification of Ed as a thing to be fixed then won. The appropriation of Ed’s emotional confusion over Izzy’s death being overlaid onto Stede also. Because Ed can’t have his own unique character arc in anything it seems. I just want Ed’s characterisation and personhood to stop being erased.

I’m still sleep-deprived so I hope this makes sense. It’s taken me a while to process.

[londonspirit]

David Jenkins Bluesky Fic (?)

(Is it really a fic when it comes from the creator of the show himself???)

As much as I love having him do this all (especially over such a long time), I need this as a text document (hope you don't mind, Sir @davidjenks [if so, let me know and I take it down])

I also edited it a little for easier reading.

1775. An editor comes into work on Christmas eve to find a manuscript on his desk. The title: A HISTORY OF PYRATES by Charles Johnson. (We have no budget so we’ll say the editor is played by Michael Stuhlbarg).

He thumbs through the draft: a scene where a silly fancy pirate robs a fern from some fishermen. Another where he crosses blades in the moonlight with the legendary Blackbeard. Another where they pine for each other from a great distance.

He thumbs further, grudgingly interested. These two pirates settle down with each other. The start a B and B. Huh. The editor is interested now. He reads the last third of the manuscript in detail.

Open on a beach. Nancy Sinatra’s “You Only Live Twice” plays (the track from the movie, this is important. It has the best intro and for some reason is only sporadically available on Spotify). We use the classic James Bond opening iris to find a now established inn on a beautiful stretch of beach.

White linen flows beautifully as it’s laid out on a table. Laid by co-innkeeper Ed, with great satisfaction. He lays out glassware. Perfect. Flowers. Perfect. He is content in this working meditation. He is precise in his adjustments to create beauty

Over the following: “You only live twice or so it seems. Once for your life and once for your dreams.”

Meanwhile, a cluster of frustrated guests attempt to check in with a flustered Stede. The inn has become quite popular. A well-heeled family has hired it out to host a wedding banquet.

They’re dicks. Very demanding. This is a Christmas event and they want everything to be perfect. Stede’s overwhelmed and put upon at the front desk, Ed’s nowhere to be found. (Song: “You drift through the years and life seems tame.”) The year is 1719, two years after the events of the second season.

The inn has become a bit of a bougie destination. A kitschy remnant of the bygone golden age of piracy run by two eccentrics who were apparently involved somehow.

Stede assures the guest of honor that their stay will be smooth. They’ve rented out the entire inn after all. The guest asks him if the rumors of his pirate days were true. Stede says they’re largely embellished. A marketing hook that has worked to attract attention.

---

First mate Jimenez (Jim to a lucky few) barks orders to the crew. New faces (tbd) in addition to old (Archie, Fang, The Swede, Lucius, Black Pete, Roach). Jim very much resembles Izzy in style with them own unique flair.

We see the ship has been rechristened “Izzy’s Revenge.”

Jim reports to the Captain’s quarters. They are approaching the English fleet, as instructed. “Yeah, well, great, fantastic,” says Captain Frenchie. “Initiate plan A.”

The English fleet looks at the approaching ship. Surely it can’t be pirates. No pirate captain is dumb enough to approach warships. They spy a white flag on the ship. The bridge appears to be on fire. The occupants seem to be merchants in distress.

Once aboard an English ship, Black Pete confirms they were indeed attacked by pirates. A Christmas Day attack no less. Clearly these pirates were godless and had no regard for a holy day. Lucius says they were bringing food and clothing to the poor on behalf of a Dutch merchant.

Tired and building a crib. Goodnight and merry Christmas Eve you beautiful bastards.

To be continued… *

The rest of the English fleet is dispatched to find and destroy the “pirate attackers.” The captain of the English fleet consoles our crew. Prince Richard has mostly cleared the seas of piracy. He’s parlayed the destruction of the Republic of Pirates into becoming Governor of nearby New York.

Jim says they’re huge fans of Prince Ricky. The captain tells them they’re headed to his Christmas festivity in New York City. Frenchie feigns surprise at this. He’d love to meet the Prince Governor. The captain laughs. His Highness doesn’t make a habit of granting average merchants an audience.

Roach holds a knife to the captain’s throat. Perhaps he’ll make an exception for these merchants. Captain Frenchie explains the survivors of the Republic of Pirates Massacre would like to send the Prince a Christmas gift. Pirates haven’t been abolished. “We’ve just become more cautious.”

The English captain laughs. No matter what they do, these pirates are dead. Smoke appears in the horizon. The rest of the English fleet burns in the distance. They’ve been ambushed by the other survivors. Five other pirate crews who’ve been biding their time since Ricky’s attack.

Jim invites the captain and crew to join or die. “You silly puta bitches. We can’t be wiped out. We have too much work to do.” Roach releases a carrier pigeon. The mainland should be alerted, the plan is in motion.

---

Meanwhile at the Inn, Ed regales guests about Stede’s murder of Captain Badminton and Admiral Badminton. He’s rewritten it to enhance Stede’s cunning and ruthlessness. The guests hang on every word. Why did he murder both brothers? Ed supposes he did it for love.

Stede interrupts and calls Ed aside. Can he please help make up some of the rooms? Stede is drowning. They’re at full capacity. Ed bristles at this. He’s really more of a “front of the house guy,,” they’ve talked about this. Stede says that’s not a thing. This is basically a two man operation.

Ed says Stede’s being melodramatic. That’s why they hired Applejack, an amiable drifter who helps with odd chores around the inn (again, as our budget is unlimited, Applejack is played by Kevin Bacon).

A guest asks for an extra room key. Stede calls for Applejack, who runs to the front desk to help the guest. Stede says he wishes he had ten more just like him. Ed mutters “I bet.” Stede asks what that’s supposed to mean? Ed says Stede gets nervous whenever Applejack is around. For some reason.

Stede denies this, but it’s clear he has an affinity for this handsome drifter turned handyman/bellman/bar back/chambermaid.

Stede: “Applejack’s a good man and a solid employee.” Still, even with the help, the inn has become a management feat. It’s been two years since they discovered the place and renovated it, and a little over a year since it opened to customers. Ed and Stede never dreamed it would catch on so quickly.

Ed: “People like that we were pirates mate. It’s one of the main things that draws a crowd.” Ed sees it as his job to tell stories of their buccaneering past even if he stops short of telling everyone he was the legendary Blackbeard.

For Stede’s part, he’d just as soon leave that life behind. He’d quit just as he was making a name for himself, which had been his lifelong dream. Better alive as Ed and Stede than dead as “Gentlebeard” as the couple were starting to be known in pirate lore.

How much time can one spend as a lawless brigand before their ticket gets punched? Their brush with Ned Lowe followed by the untimely death of Izzy Hands soured Stede’s romantic notion of piracy. Less and less in love with death, he was increasingly scared of losing whatever life he and Ed shared.

Ed bristles at the mention of Izzy. He clearly feels Izzy’s death was his fault. And he was always worried that he’d pay for the horrible things he did to one of the only two people on earth who truly loved him unconditionally. Some not small part of him still feels cursed by the loss of Izzy.

Stede tells Ed it’s better if they just let the past be and make this work. He thought the inn was their ultimate reward. They haven’t even gotten to build the bait shop addition yet. Ed: “Bait shop?” Stede: “Yes. Remember?” Ed: Why in the hell would we have a bait shop?” Stede: “You don’t remember?” Ed: “I said something about a bait shop? Must’ve been loaded, mate.”

Stede tells Ed it doesn’t matter. What matters is they have a full inn, an event to plan, and Ed needs to do more than obsess about linens (Ed loves the linen management aspect of innkeeping) and tell tall tales of their criminal past to guests. Ed doesn’t know who any of these people are. What if someone is looking for them? No more “front of house/back of house” bullshit. They both need to do everything to make this place a success. Applejack can only help so much, he’s drunk half the time.

Ed, chastened, says he’ll do what he can. Stede says he better. He’s not changing his life a third time, this place needs to work. He marches off to deal with a wedding cake delivery. The icing is melting in the hot Caribbean sun.

Ed decides to take a smoke break. He puffs his pipe outside, talking to someone off camera. “I don’t know, mate. Thought this was the thing. And I do love aspects of it. Flower arrangement. Linens. We spent a fortune on the linens, but god they’re lovely. But it seems like we’re almost… roommates. Coworkers definitely. We built the place together and that was fun. But the whole customer service aspect. And you know, I don’t think he even loves it? Spends half his time muttering in his sleep about The Revenge.”

Reverse to find Ed is talking to “Izzy.” Or his grave at least. Ed’s cordoned it off with a white picket fence and keeps it well. “I guess you’re right. I have a hard time just being content.” Ed explains that he does want the place to succeed, but he wants to do it with his partner.

He didn’t want the stress of the thing and the daily drudgery to pull them apart. The whole point of the thing is they could do it together without getting murdered. It was the ultimate retirement plan.

“Pff. You didn’t even know what retirement was ya twat.” Izzy’s voice, clear as day. Ed looks up quickly. No one is there.

---

Meanwhile, a pigeon flies through the rain

Over the sea

To land

To a city. New York City. It lands at a humble soup kiosk at what is now probably Doyers Street in southern Manhattan (aka Doyers Street Angle, great dim sum here in the year 2025 btw)

Auntie, serving several customers, spots the note on the bird’s leg before shooing it away. She scoops it up and opens a trap door in the kiosk’s floor.

A ladder goes deep down into the ground. Sounds can be heard. Party sounds. Bar sounds. Gambling sounds.

The colonies have been good to Jackie and Zheng, now business partners in the largest underground gambling den and speakeasy in history

The note is passed through the packed club. Wee John Feeney performs a Christmas number as fabulous his alter ego, Bloody Nellie Blaye

The note finds its way to The Swede. He can’t read but Auntie wouldn’t be hand delivering it if it weren’t important

Jackie opens the note at her table. It reads: “Today.” She passes it to Oluwande who puts it in Zheng’s hands at the roulette wheel.

---

Meanwhile, Governor Prince Ricky prepares his Christmas address to a wealthy audience. He reviews his remarks and wants to make more of a point of eradicating piracy globally. “It really was quite easy. Even China’s “greatest pirate” turned out to be no more than an easy mark.

---

Back on the Revenge. Jim plays with the ring around their kerchief, left to them by Izzy. They look at the ring from time to time. Silver and emerald. The emerald seems to grow brighter when the sea is choppy and the clouds set in.

They spot a simple, worn engraving inside the band of the ring: Teddy

No reference to Teddy among Izzy’s spartan belongings. Frenchie was given his scope and dagger, Roach his boots (though they didn’t fit), but the prize for Jim was kerchief and ring. Sometimes, oftentimes, they’d wear just that for Archie.

“Wonder if that was his father?” Lucius inspects the ring with Jim. “Maybe he was mateyed,” surmises Black Pete. Oh that poor bastard. The Izzy they knew was a lot of things but would have been a handful as a spouse. “Maybe Teddy’s why he became a handful.”

Roach “It’s Ed. Teddy’s another form of Edward. Or sometimes Tedward.” Fang shakes his head: “Captain never went by Ted. He’d rather be called shithead.” Jim catches a look in Fang’s eye: “You knew Izzy longer than any of us.” Fang nods. He knew Izzy longer than Blackbeard. Jim: “Who’s Teddy?” Fang: “I’ll never say. No one’s business but Izzy’s.”

Before they can press further, Captain Frenchie stands at the bridge. “Merry Christmas everyone. Welcome to the harbor of New York. Costumes on, we’ve some shit to wreck.” The Revenge indeed is closing in on New York’s harbor.

---

Stede has a cake emergency on his hands. Buttercream and hot sun don’t mix. At least, not without considerable effort. Applejack fans the wedding cake as Stede tries to remold it into something passing for elegant

Applejack tells Stede he’s doing a good job. Stede is literally sweating it: “Thanks Applejack. We really need this. They booked the entire inn out of nowhere. If this event works there’ll be others.” Applejack: “Do you like this? Running an inn?” Stede: “Of course.” But the moment he says it, he realizes he might not. Applejack: “Ed seems to love it.” Stede: “Really? What tells you that?” Applejack notes how Ed handles the linens, arranges the fine glassware. He’s quite adept at it. Stede: “If inconsistent. Interest isn’t Ed’s problem.” “Maintaining interest. That’s his issue.” Applejack: “And what’s yours?” Stede: “I get myself into jams.”

As Stede and Applejack attempt to right the cake, start Blondie’s Out in the Streets: “Oooooh”

Blackbeard wistfully studies Stede from the bar as he wraps silverware in napkins: “He don’t hang around with the gang no more. He don’t do the wild things that he did before.”

Ed thinks about Stede’s crazy pirate days. Sword fighting, treasure hunting, lighting dudes ablaze. Blondie: “He used to act bad, used to but he quit it. It makes me so sad. ‘Cause I know that he did it for me. And I can see. His heart, his heart is out in the street.”

Stede thinks he catches Ed glancing at him, but Ed appears to be just wrapping silverware. He watches his fingers work delicately: “He don’t comb his hair like he did before. He don’t wear those dirty old black boots no more.”

Stede looks at Ed’s lips, pursed in concentration: “But he’s not the same. There’s something about his kisses.” (Flash to Ed and Stede kissing passionately aboard the Revenge… … then flash to Ed snoring, asleep in the in, while Stede lies awake next to him much like his days with Mary) “I know there’s something missing inside. Something died. His heart. His heart is out in the streets.”

Ed and Stede make eye contact from across the room. Blondie suddenly stops. Ed: “What?” Stede: “What?” Ed: “Nothing. Just finishing place settings.” Stede: “Well hurry up this cake is fucked.” Ed: “Looks like you and Applejack have it in hand.”

Applejack: “Actually, could you get in here for me? I’m kinda making a hash outta this.” Ed thinks about it, then: “Nah mate you’ve got it. This silvers not gonna wrap itself.” Applejack says he’ll take over silverware duty. Ed comes over to help with the cake.

Stede and Ed manage to steady it, buttercream on their fingers. Stede: “Whoop.” Ed: “Thing’s a bleeding liability.” Stede: “Let’s get this thing over with. Maybe no more large functions.” Ed: “At least none with massive fragile desserts. Icing’s not bad though.” Stede: “Might give you the shits.” Stede: “The Carribean’s not known to be kind to cream based thingies.” Ed: “You did alright tho.” Stede smudges icing on Ed’s beard: “Ha.” Ed returns fire: “Don’t escalate this Bonnet.” Stede: “Don’t trifle then.”

They’re interrupted by a throat clearing. The groom’s mother, Hypatia, a wealthy, eccentric old crone glares at them. “If you’ve finished your flirtation?” Stede: “Oh. Yes ma’am. Just making sure this hasn’t spoiled.”

Hypatia looks unenthused. This inn wasn’t her choice for the function but she intends this to go off without a hitch. Stede notices that he hasn’t yet seen the bride or the groom. Hypatia insists they’ll be there. Most of the family has already checked in.

The family and friends have indeed checked in. They are an odd looking bunch. Moneyed, but eccentric moneyed. Some even look a little grizzled. Ed surmises most wealthy people look this way. Stede knows better. But who else is booking a wedding at a small inn in the Caribbean?

Stede says their money was good and they paid in advance for the entire place. So fine. Hypatia insists Ed and Stede be there for the ceremony, which starts in hours. Ed wonders why she wants both of them to be there. Rich people. They want the world he guesses.

Again, Stede is doubtful about their status. Their “uncle” just lit a match on his own stubble.

---

Governor Prince Ricky rehearses his Christmas speech as a crowd forms outside. He’s wearing a festive nose, shiny brass. Ricky’s speech is sober, anti-crime, anti-deviance. He’s become an abolitionist of all manner of social behavior since his attack on the Republic of Pirates

He orders his long suffering valet to fetch him a glass of water before his speech. His throat is scratchy. The valet retrieves a glass from the kitchen. On his way we see that almost all of Ricky’s house staff has been replaced. Roach, Olu, Wee John, even Zheng bide their time disguised as help

Outside the Governor’s mansion, among the crowd, a new small faction arrives. Jim dressed as a priest (their now preferred disguise), Frenchie as an elderly man, Black Pete and Lucius as roast chestnut sellers. Archie as beggar. All are armed and awaiting Ricky’s entrance.

---

Meanwhile at the inn, the guests mingle. Ed scans the room, and mutters to Applejack. “These rich wankers are exhausting. Can’t wait to get this over with.” Applejack nods. Yeah the Inn business must be hard. All of these people with all of these demands. He asks Ed if he misses the sea.

Ed shrugs. Sometimes. His leathers were feeling pretty heavy there for a while. He didn’t mind trading them for the crisp white linen suit he’s wearing now. Applejack: “Blackbeard in a linen suit. Who’d have guessed.” Ed becomes cagey. “Blackbeard? Where’d you get that?”

Applejack: “C’mon, it’s obvious. You have the hair, the same tattoos, it’s obvious.” Ed: “Dunno what you’re on about mate. You flatter me. I never rose above scallawag. Mine was a short career, that’s how I survived.” Applejack: “My mistake. Over active imagination I guess.”

Ed excuses himself to find a flustered Stede. The ceremony is about to start. Ed: “Well that’s good isn’t it?” Stede: “I haven’t seen a groom. Have you? Or a bride.” Ed: “S’bad luck though, seeing the bride isn’t it?” Stede: “I don’t even know who the bride and groom’s parents are. Isn’t that odd?”

The priest speaks up. A sober grey haired man with a glass eye, he’s massive in size. Almost a giant. Clears his throat: “If we might get started?” Stede looks around. Started? How? Ed notices everyone looking at them. Every guest. Their eyes are hard.

Priest: “We are here to witness the union of Stede Bonnet, aka the Gentleman Pirate and his partner in all things, Edward Teach. Aka Black Beard.” Ed (quietly): “Ffffuck” Stede: “Wh-what is um happening?” Every guest presents a weapon, a knife or gun. The Priest: “An admirer sends his regards. And regrets. For missing this special day.”

---

Meanwhile, Governor Prince Ricky finishes his glass of water and readies himself to walk out on stage. He strides out to greet the packed crowd, who cheer their tough on piracy Governor Prince. Jim handles a throwing knife. Frenchie plays with a pistol, at his side.

A long barreled rifle has Governor Prince Ricky in its sights. Spanish Jackie holds it, aiming carefully at Ricky’s forehead.

Ricky welcomes the crowd, and clears his scratchy throat. He takes out cards for his speech, but the first one seems to have been replaced. It simply reads: “Feeling ill?”

Ricky turns white. He looks over to find his valet staring at him from the wings. He flips another to another card: “It won’t be long now.” Ricky grabs his throat. He’s choking.

The crew members of the Revenge exchange confused looks. Jackie, to herself: “The fuck?” Ricky falls to the ground foaming at the mouth and shaking. The crowd panics.

One of the last things Ricky sees as he dies is his valet turning to leave. He flashes on the glass of water he just drank. We see another flash of the Valet poisoning it before handing to to Ricky.

Jim tries to get to the stage. “No no no it was supposed to be us!” Archie pulls them away. “It doesn’t matter who did it does it? The job is done.” Jim: “It matters.” But it’s too late. Authorities are surrounding the body. Even a symbolic strike would be suicide.

---

Ed and Stede are surrounded by fifty armed guests. Ed: “What the fuck is this?” Priest: “Recompense. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.” An old woman slashes Stede. Her husband fires at Ed and misses. Stede punches the woman in the face. Ed kicks her husband in the chest, and pulls Stede out of the room.

Breathing heavily, blood running down Stede’s face, a fire poker jammed through the handles of the doors to the communal room. Stede: “Who slashes someone at a wedding?” Ed: “A fucking dead woman. You alright?” Stede: “I mean… no. But yeah.” The doors lurch. They’re coming down.

“You guys are the fucking coolest. Gentlebeard.” Stede and Ed turn to find Applejack. Stede: “What in the hell is happening?!” Applejack: “Are you or are you not Gentlebeard?” Ed/Stede: “Yes fine fuck whatever.” Applejack: “Knew it.” Applejack throws each of them a sword, and draws two pistols.

Applejack fires through the doors at the next big push. Ed: “Mate, are these folks with you or what?” Applejack: “Tell you later. We probably gotta kill the lot of them.” Stede: “What?!” The doors lurch open. Ed, Stede and Applejack do hand to hand combat with some forty remaining guests.

Reprise of you only live twice as Stede, Blackbeard and Applejack lay waste to a room full of hired killers. “You only live twice or so it seems. One life for yourself and one for your dreams.” It’s an ugly fight. Stede and Blackbeard end up slashed and punctured. Applejack as well.

“You drift through the years, and life seems tame. ‘Til one dream appears and love is its name.” Blackbeard grabs a lantern and smashes it, lighting several of their assailants, and the inn, ablaze. “This dream is for you, so pay the price. Make one dream come true, you only live twice.”

Ed and Stede run while Applejack covers them. They crash through the window onto the beach. Several assailants follow but Ed and Stede manage to lose them. “And love is a stranger, who’ll beckon you on. Don’t think of the danger or the stranger is gone.”

Applejack snipes the assailants from the porch with a rifle. Ed and Stede make their way to a nearby cave. They are chewed up, stabbed up, slashed, a bit burnt. But alive. Stede: “Well what in the fucking hell was that?!l” Ed: “Someone has it in for us.”

---

Guards swarm Ricky’s still twitching body. The valet is nowhere to be seen. One of the cards reads: The crew of Stede Bonnet’s Revenge did this.

---

Stede and Ed collect themselves and think of who might wish them dead. Ed: “Long list mate.” Stede: “Not for me. But those who wish me dead must really mean it.” Applejack happens upon the cave: “You guys that was nuts.” He hands over a bloodied envelope. It reads: “Stede Bonnet”

Applejack: “Someone left this on the front desk.” Stede opens it and reads. His eyebrows raise. A husky voice: “Dearest Bonnet. You don’t know my. But I know you. Oh do I know you.”

CUT TO:

A fancy writing desk. Military and naval trophies adorn the walls. An elderly hand writes the letter: “You have taken so very much from me and mine. So now I will take all from you and yours.” We scan the walls and pass a portrait. Captain Nigel Badminton, in better times (aka alive).

We pass a portrait of Admiral Chauncey Badminton. We pass many portraits of the other members of the Badminton family, all played by Rory Kinnear, men, women, and children, old and otherwise.

“We are a proud family Stede Bonnet…” We land on the letter writer. A verrrry elderly Sir Thomas Badminton. He is joined by his wife, Lady Eunice Badminton (both Rory). “And we will ride your kind directly into hell. After take everyone you love.” Eunice: “Advise him we’re taking his lover first.” Sir Thomas: “Yes dear.”

Back at the cave, Stede reads: “By now your crew will be hunted for the murder of a high official.” (In New York City, our crew slinks around trying to avoid detection).

CUT TO

A stained glass window. A familiar voice, it’s Mary Bonnet, arranging flowers in her Barbados home: “We know where your abandoned family lives. Where your children sleep.”

The cave. Stede looks up at Ed, ashen: “Mary. The kids.” Ed: “Guess we’d better get going then.” Stede: “This isn’t your fight. It’s not your family.” Ed: “Your fight is my fight. Your family is my family.”

Applejack: “You guys are the fucking best.” Stede and Ed turn to him. Stede: “Who exactly are you?” Ed: “Seriously mate, what the fuck?” Applejack: “I know I know, I’ll tell you on the way.” Applejack: “You were good to a friend of mine. So I’m gonna be good to you.” Ed: “Who?” Applejack: “You buried him on that beach. Let’s get going.” Stede: “At least tell us your name. It can’t be Applejack.” Applejack: “Theodore. Or Ted. No one’s called me either in ages.” Ed: “Thanks Ted.” Applejack: “All good mate. I’ll be outside.”

As Applejack leaves, Ed and Stede regard each other. Stede: “Can we trust him?” Ed: “Dunno. If not we’ll knife him quick.” Reprise of Out in the Streets: “He grew up on the sidewalk Streetlight shinin' above He grew up with no-one to love He grew up on the sidewalk.”

Wide of Stede and Ed walking off with Applejack: “He grew up running free He grew up and then he met me” The inn burns, bodies litter the beach. We pan to Izzy’s grave. A seagull lands on it. Blackout

---

We hear waves and gulls. And hollow sounding wind.

A different beach. All looks grey and washed out. A gull lands, walks apace. The gull’s tracks in the wet sand seem to morph into something other than webbed flippers. They eventually become imprints of human feet.

A naked man with long white hair walks the beach. It’s Nathaniel Buttons. But his eyes are icy blue now, his hair white as snow. He has no use for clothes.

He comes upon a figure lying in the sand. Two feet. Two legs. A torso, dressed in black.

The figure sits up with a start and a gasp. It’s Izzy Hands.

Buttons: “Dunna try t’talk. Yer in th’ gravy basket ol’ friend. Doggie heaven.” Izzy does try to talk, but it’s a useless rasp. Buttons: “Shh shh shh. We’ve much to discuss, luv.”

+++

Back where we started, many, many years later. The editor looks at the manuscript, pages scattered on the desk. Thoughtfully: “This is some wild shit.”

End of Christmas (Valentine’s?) special episode ?￰ﾟﾏﾴ‍☠️?￰ﾟﾚﾬ

[yuriisclumsy]

I'm so excited that more people started taking cale request!!!✧\(>o<)ﾉ✧

Anyway hiii! Can I have an enemy to lovers with cale henituse and fem.reader idk something cliche like a dance scene or one gets protective of the other or maybe a cute "oh shit I'm actually in love moment"

Sorry I'm bursting with ideas rn.~

Love's Dance

Part 1 (You are here) | Part 2 | Part 3

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝: 2,729

Authors note: You ask, and I shall deliver. PS. why did you give me such a good idea? like, I'm at 5k word for the overall thing, and I am not even done yet... (send help)

The streets of Roan Kingdom's Capital were bustling like usual. The vendors selling their goods, children running around carelessly, mothers screaming at them to not get dirty, and the usual underground activity Arm did. 

I strolled through these streets, thinking of nothing and relaxing ‘til I get another mission. 

“That reminds me…Arm has been quiet as of late. Sigh…they are up to no good…” I spoke to no one in particular, walking back to the Quiet Isle lodge. 

Quiet Isle is an inn in an area a little off the center of the Capital. I stayed there for the past three weeks after finishing my last mission. The price to stay is cheap, while still being comfortable. It has comfortable rooms, a clear view, free breakfast, and most importantly, it wasn’t noisy at all! Bonus points for the innkeepers, as they have been nothing but sweethearts.  

All-in-all, a good Inn if you’re looking to get your coins worth. 

I went through the inn’s doors, a sweet aroma of lavender hitting my nostrils as I neared the front desk.  

The Innkeepers were an old couple, and the misses genuinely enjoyed the smell of lavender. That is why, as you walk through the inn, you’ll be met with an influx of light purples from the flowers. 

Reaching the desk, I was greeted by a senior woman whose smile could cure all kinds of child injuries. 

“Oh! Why if it is the youth I’m all too familiar with!” The old granny said, delighted to see me. 

 “Greetings, Granny Fes,” I vowed curtly with a small smile. “Have there been any new guests at the inn?” I asked as she extended her hand to give me a piece of candy. 

Receiving the small candy, I offered a small ‘thank you.’ She said a quick ‘You’re welcome!’ before responding to my question. “Yes, yes! I welcomed a few new guests shortly after you left this morning for a stroll!” she excitedly told me. 

“Two of the five I welcomed are a couple expecting a child! Isn't that exciting? Ouu, to be young again…” 

“Oh, please. I say you are still quite young!” I say to get her head out of that cloud. 

“Fufufu, you are too kind [Name].” Granny Fes pinched my cheek as she got a bit flustered. “I believe one day you’ll meet a handsome young man that is suited just for you.” She added. 

I blushed a little, “Oh no, I don’t think that will happen…” I pause for a second. “Do you really think I’ll get lucky enough to have that...?” I asked, not believing I would get someone special to spend my days with. 

“Don’t give me that!” Granny Fes yelled, as if scolding one of her own. “You are beautiful! Which man wouldn't dream of having a wife such as yourself!?” 

All I could do was smile in response. This is how I want things to always go. Living in a peaceful area, sharing memories with people I meet along the way, even starting a family. Arm is nowhere near that picture. And it will never be. 

But alas. Good things always end. 

“Ah! That reminds me. [Name],” she called my name and handed me an envelope, “You received mail from a young lad. He said it was urgent.”  

Looking at the envelope as Granny Fes left to continue her job, I had an ominous feeling, yet I couldn’t pinpoint what it was.  

I turned it around only to see Arm’s seal stamped on it. Arm only sends letters if it is an important mission, and based on the color of the seal, it is of utmost importance.  

I am already not liking this I thought, refusing to open the letter. Maybe if I were to pretend its existence was nothing but a useless paper, it would disappear. But alas, I needed to open the envelope. With worry present in my face I opened it with the seal. Inside was a letter addressing Agent White Gold.  

That code name. It is the thing I despised most in this world. 

To Agent White Gold, 

Play time is up, White Gold. You have been assigned a mission in the Henituse Territory. We have discovered the traces of the leader of the organization known as ‘True Arm.’ Your mission is to go there and find out who the leader of the organization is, dead or alive. It is your choice which one you pick.  

A carriage will come to pick you up at sunrise, so don’t miss it.  

Once you arrive at your destination one of our men will greet you and guide you to your resting location and hand you an envelope. Inside, you will find descriptions of the one we are looking for, alongside a list of individuals that we found to match the description of our target. 

Remember, Agent, we are counting on your success. 

Don’t disappoint us, 

Arm 

Dammit… The moment I receive some peace after working for them like a slave…! I angrily store the letter to shreds, as if it were them instead of the letter. All I wanted was to disappear from the eyes of those bastards. They took me from my home, changed me to fit in an identity they made…they just can’t leave me alone, can they? 

 

I wanted to say no. To be able to run away to a far corner of the world so they would never be able to find me. But it is impossible. No one leaves. Rather, they die. Dying was the only way out. 

Yet, I want to live. 

I looked at Granny Fes as she talked with a few guests that were checking out. At that moment I knew that if I tried to escape, they would get everyone I was surrounded by. She doesn't deserve that. Neither does her husband, or her children and grandchildren. 

It is best I comply. 

“Sigh…Once you're in, there is no escaping their grasp…”  

The sky was tainted in hues of blues, purples, and oranges. The sun was rising from the nap it took, and fully ready to greet us. 

A carriage arrived early at the Quiet Isle Inn. Inside stood Granny Fes and Gramps Liy right next to me. Their eyes expressed sadness when looking at me. 

“Why so sad?” I asked the couple. 

“Oh, it’s just…it’s just that we’re both sad you’re leaving so soon.” Granny Fes confessed. Her husband, a bit more stubborn, only scuffed. Granny Fes elbowed him hard with a smile still shooting at me, gaining a small scowl from Gramps Liy. 

“AGHEM,” he raised one hand to fake a cough, “I guess you will be missed.” 

I laugh at his antics. Deep down he cares, he just has an unconventional way of expressing his feelings. 

“I’ll miss the two of you.” I looked at them with a small hinge of sadness but kept a smile to reassure them. I looked outside to see the coachman wave his hand signaling that he was ready for departure. “It seems I must go,” I turned to them, “see you later?” 

“Yes, yes. Goodbye little lady.” Gramps Liy ‘shud’ me to the carriage as he and his wife stared at me opening the door of the carriage. 

“Farewell, sweetheart. Make sure to take good care of yourself. And remember to look out for good lads while you’re traveling!” Granny Fes nagged me like I was about to never come back. Although, she was right about that. I don’t think I will be able to come back if I want to protect them. 

I laughed and said a small ‘I will!’ as I climbed into the carriage. Closing the door the carriage started moving. I waved to the couple one last time before I could not see them anymore. 

Sighting, I took out the map I packed. Looking at my destination, it was a few days from the capital. “This is going to be a loong trip…” I commented, making myself comfortable for the journey ahead. 

I hope I get this mission done quickly, so I can get another vacation from Arm. I looked up at the ceiling. I mean…how hard could it be to find this ‘leader’ anyways? 

… 

An old butler walks dutifully around the state halls. In hand, he holds a tray with a fancy tea set with a steel dome keeping the food inside warm; its aroma could be smelled by the passing housekeepers with wet laundry. 

The butler knocked at a door, he did not have to wait long, as he got an immediate response from the person inside. Opening the door he says his greetings. 

“Good morning, young master. I brought breakfast along with your favorite drink.” He says as he places down the tray on the table close to the window. 

“Ah, thank you, Ron.” A male voice thanked the butler. 

“It is my pleasure, young master Cale.” The butler, Ron, bowed. 

The man, who is now identified as Cale, sat down on the table to enjoy his breakfast. 

“Young master, if I may…” Ron waited for permission to continue speaking. 

“*Sight* Just spit it out.” Cale said in an uninterested voice. This is another one of his tangents. Drinking the lemonade that Ron made as he thinks of Ron’s earlier endeavors. 

Ron smiled, “I have detected Arm activity within the city.” 

“PFF–” spilling all the lemonade on the cup, he looked at Ron with widened eyes.

What is Arm doing here?! They have more pressing issues to deal with! Like, figuring out who Real Arm is! Cale’s thought went haywire.

 

Ron took his handkerchief out and gave it to Cale to use. 

“What do you mean there is Arm activity in the city? Is it more bombs?” He asked while using the cloth given to him to clean the mess he made. 

He shook his head, “no, at least not yet. I have seen them snoop around the city for information. It would seem we left them a small lead.” 

“Not good…” 

“If you’d prefer, young master, I could go rabbit hunting.” 

Looking at Ron with a drop of sweat evident in his forehead, he reluctantly answered. “...do whatever you want.”  

“Hehe. Then I will take my leave.” He bowed before leaving the room without making a sound. 

Scary old man. He looked outside pouring more lemonade in his cup. It’s not a good sign if Arm is here. I need to prepare in case they strike. 

… 

“Hey, wake up! We’re almost there!” 

“WHAT? HUH–huh?” I got up from my seat at lightning speed, looking around in a daze. As I scoot closer to the window, I see the giant walls looming overhead. On top of one of the towers built in the wall was a flag. It was the Henituse’s family crest imprinted on it.  

I’m already in the Henituse territory! 

Getting closer at the entrance door of the city, the carriage stopped, as they had to do a check before letting anyone in. 

“Execute me, m’lady. May I have your identification paper?” A soldier asked me. 

Security check? When I traveled to other places, they didn’t ask for my identification but the coachman’s. 

I handed him the paper without complaint, receiving it right after he checked that everything was good. The other soldiers gave him a thumbs up after checking the carriage and the coachman. Without further interruption they let us through, wishing us a happy stay. 

“That was…something.” 

The coach man dropped me off at a tavern near the city square. Going upstairs to the second floor of the establishment, I sat down at a table near the edge of the balcony. Waiting for the man that was supposed to give me the information mentioned in the letter I looked out into the streets, I could see the liveliness of the people.  

They were too lively in my opinion. 

Hearing footsteps approaching my table I diverted my attention to them. I was greeted with a man wearing a hat with fancy clothing. 

“Hello, m’lady,” the man greeted by taking his hat off and vowing curtly. 

Didn’t know Arm also had rich allies. I thought, seeing the man's mannerisms. 

“Good evening,” I vowed slightly, “are you the one mentioned in the letter?” 

“Eager now, are we?” He sat down in front of me with a smug smile. He placed his hat down before taking out an envelope. He slid it across the table. As I grabbed it, I took out its content.  

It was a list of suspects. They all had red hair and were male. And that was it. No underground activities, no records, nothing. 

“That’s…it?”  

This is the only information they managed to find…seriously? I thought. Was someone able to sneak past Arm’s noses? How is that even possible? 

“Unfortunately, it is.” 

“Ha...!” I laughed at the absurdity of the situation. I looked up at the man after reviewing the list of suspects.  

“This is the only description we managed to find,” the smile on his face dropped into a frown, “only at the low cost of our scouts: a single spy was able to escape long enough to hide a piece of paper in a tree trunk…” he said. 

“....” I looked down at the list.  

To be able to kill all of our scouts…this is no meek foe. Just thinking of how strong they are sends shivers down my spine…  

“I have arranged a small room at an Inn close by here. I have left some equipment at your disposal. The location is on one of the papers in the envelope.” The man stood up and put his hat on, adjusting his suit a little before looking at me.  

“If you need anything else, I left a card at your place with instructions as to how you can contact me. Remember I’m at your service m’lady, Tata! ~” 

“I will keep that in mind.” 

Watching as he disappeared behind the doors of the second floor, I decided to order something to eat before heading to my fixed place. 

…

 

“…a festival?” Cale looked at the flier given to him. 

“That’s right,” Count Deruth, Cale’s father, said nonchalantly, “the festival will brighten the people's moods, as well as show that we are financially good.” 

Politics…. 

! 

“Wait, here it says the ‘Henituse’s’ are attending…I don’t have to attend…right?” 

Deruth raised an eyebrow in question. “You don’t have to go.” 

“...” 

I must go. *Sight* My well-deserved rest has been postponed once again… can’t I catch a break for once? 

“On that note, I have reserved a spot on the city square where we will be presiding during the time,” he said as Cale gave him back the paper.  

“You don’t have to talk–or better said–you don’t have to even move. Just sitting there is enough.” 

Cale smiled at this I don’t have to move? Seems perfect to me! 

“I’ll be attending in that case.” 

“The festival will start in a few days. Be ready.” 

Cale exited his father’s study, walking back to his room. 

I need to tell Ron about this. It’ll be no surprise if Arm takes advantage of the festival. There stands a man with black hair waiting outside Cale’s room for him to come. 

“!” 

“Young master Cale!” The man runs towards him with puppy-like energy. 

“Choi Han, is there something you need?” Cale asked. 

“I heard from Ron that there have been suspicious activities happening in the city. So, I came to ask for permission to investigate.” Hans explained. 

Cale hummed. Strange. Usually, you would do these types of things without letting me know. Perhaps he thinks this is a bit dangerous and if he doesn't return, we know where to look? 

“You can do as you please, no need to ask for my permission.” 

“I see…thank you young master,” Han vowed, “I will report back immediately once I find anything!” As he said that, he began to leave. 

“Oh, and, Choi Han?” Cale spoke before he could fully leave. 

“Yes, Cale?” 

“If you find anything, make sure to report first. Don’t go around making havoc, got it?” Cale instructed. 

“...yes” he responded with a bit of thinking, knowing it was the best decision. 

Let’s see what they have in store for us. Cale entered his room, he’ll laze around until the festival actually begins. What a bother… 

… 

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