#inherently awful is not the way to handle it

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

"If you ship these characters together at all you've fundamentally misunderstood the plot of the story"

Bro I get this if like. It's a case where people genuinely are misunderstanding the story

But like bro you know shipping is inherently neutral and doesn't necessarily tell you anything about how someone interprets a piece of media, right?

You know that people who ship something don't always want the thing to be canon, right?

You know that people shipping something doesn't change canon

Right?

[rinmemesuoka]

*has been slamming through webtoons for three weeks voice* the villainess isekai fantasy of fixing your dad

[prismaticutie]

Okay I haven't gotten into CSM cuz I'm lazy as fawk and have a hard time getting into manga/anime but I am vaguely aware of it and the themes of it and can I just say. The way people are reacting to the new chapter is exactly how people react to real life victims of sexual assault. See lrb

[ohnohelpitsagain]

so, not to be insane about it on main again but a bard’s lament is one of my favorite episodes and i really think it’s gonna happen this season so i’m just gonna get into it again.

so, i like things that are emotional and messy and difficult because they can be incredibly human. and a bard’s lament is one of these things! however, i also think there’s, a lot of times, a sort of inherent misunderstanding about what is actually happening there. and to be fair, i think it’s totally natural to misunderstand on instinct and that’s kind of the point.

it’s easy to get caught up in what scanlan’s saying because sam delivers it all so well, but i think what gets missed a lot is why scanlan is actually saying it.

i think most people’s instinct is to say “oh it was vox machina’s fault for being bad friends, they reacted poorly” and “oh it was scanlan’s fault for only ever lying or joking when they questioned him” but the thing about situations like this is that both things can absolutely be true. no one won in a bard’s lament because no one ever wins in a situation like that.

scanlan was in a situation where he says most of what he says because he’s in an absolutely awful place mentally. everything has been building up and has lead to this exact moment and it was a perfect storm of across the board miscommunication and emotions and confusion. he says things that he knows will hurt the others because he’s angry and embarrassed and deeply depressed and the safe thing for him to do in that moment, in his head, is to push everyone away.

and yeah, vox machina react somewhat poorly to his outburst but at the same time why wouldn’t they! they were terrified they were going to lose their friend and now they also feel extraordinarily shitty and guilty and they’re faced with a reaction that none of them have the tools to handle. depression is an extraordinarily powerful and immensely illogical force sometimes, so yeah! scanlan said stuff about situations that he was interpreting in the WORST possible way and yeah the group didn’t know where to put that. so it’s not really about them not knowing his mother’s name. and it’s not even fully about the pudding or the prank. it’s about how it, to him, reiterates what he feels about himself. that he’s embarrassing and useless and no one really cares about him. BUT THAT’S WHAT MAKES IT SUCH AN INSANE PIECE OF RP!

because logically, of course they care about scanlan even if they aren’t perfect at showing it. there are MULTITUDES of examples of that! but scanlan doesn’t care about scanlan right then. and not much can get through that level of self loathing in that moment.

[existingtm]

I think one of the reasons I'm absolutely insane about Jun Mochizuki's work is because she's the only person I've seen do a perfect execution of the "abused becomes the abuser" trope.

All of the characters in Pandora Heart and Vanitas no Carte are incredibly morally complex. They're heart wrenching, relatable, endearing, aggravating, and endlessly flawed.

MochiJun puts us in the uncomfortable position of confronting that victims can be perpetrators, that those who are hurt can hurt others, that sometimes, people you love are bad, and sometimes you love bad people.

Abuse is never justified; it's handled by different characters in a variety of ways. It's repressed, reciprocated, passed on, and stopped. MochiJun shows victims become awful people, not inherently because they were abused, but because of who they are as people and how that shapes the way they deal with abuse.

She shows victims as the complex people they are beyond victimhood. There are characters who are just and kind after facing abuse, and ones who are twisted and cruel. Most delightfully, she brings us characters who are both.

The heroes of her stories choose love, gentleness, compassion, and mercy. She shows that our choices matter, that our relationships are integral to who we are.

I think of how some of the characters, in spite of these forgiving traits, are not required to forgive their abusers in order to be seen as virtuous figures. They're allowed to stand their ground, even if it's violent to do so.

I think of how, at the same time, some characters are loved despite being abusive, because a tender character sees more in them than evil. Because abuse comes from people, and people are endlessly complex.

I think of how the heroes of the story tear themselves apart for the violence they inflict, and are shown the most painful love in return. How that love often comes in the form of calling them out on their bullshit.

I love the love in Pandora Hearts and in Vanitas no Carte because it's painfully human in the face of horrors beyond mortal comprehension.

I love the flaws in the characters because they're painfully human despite some of these characters' otherworldly natures.

Jun Mochizuki doesn't show us the abused becoming abusers to give us the idea that abuse is an unstoppable cycle, but rather to show that it is stoppable. To show that people have a choice in who they become. And that's one of the most wonderful and terrible things about people.

[your-highnessmarvel]

Clean Shaven

Requested by @the-kestrels-feather : Hi lovely! I saw your requests were open and thought I'd send one in! Can I get a fluffy Bucky x Reader where Reader shaves him? I'm a firm believer in the inherent intimacy of shaving someone and I have a need 😅 gender neutral!Reader would be preferred, but if you can't/aren't comfortable doing that then Fem!Reader is fine too! Thank you in advance 💕💕

AN: Aw this was the cutest thing ever! I had to do some research because I've never shaved a man before and i was told it was hella specific but turns out - it's not???

Warnings: none, mentions of blood

*gif not mine

MASTERLIST

"Sit still, will you?"

Bucky looked up at you, smiling from under his brows. "You're holding a razor blade to my neck, y/n," he said. "And you expect me not to move a little?"

You snorted, pressing more shaving cream onto his face, covering his mouth. "You're a hundred-year-old super spy, trained for decades to sustain any type of torture," you answered, dipping the razor into the warm water that filled the sink. "And you can't handle a little razor nick?"

Bucky, unable to open his mouth or he'd swallow shaving cream, just rolled his eyes, grumbling behind his closed lips.

"What's that, grumpy?" you asked sarcastically, inching your ear closer to his mouth.

Quickly, he inched closer until a swath of thick shaving cream transferred onto your ear and you squealed, rearing back. "Oh, you!"

You could see the smile in his eyes, even though the bottom half of his face and neck were slathered in white. He got that crinkle beside his baby blues, that unique look that told you he was just messing around.

And, oh, it had taken you so much time to see that look for the first time, back when you started dating.

"Do you want a shave or not?" you asked, wiping the cream from your hair, from your ear.

Bucky chuckled quietly and nodded.

"For the last time, stand still!"

You approached again, one hand poised on his metal shoulder, the other holding the razor and shaving his cheek and jaw with sharp precision.

This close to him, you could smell his cologne and that unique scent that was his alone.

"You smell so good," you mumbled, shaving around his mouth then dumping the razor into the sink water. You felt Bucky give you a slight tap on the bum and you giggled. "Let me finish shaving you, Buck," you chuckled, lifting his chin to get the underside, sliding along his adam's apple with a crooked grimace on your skin.

"Scared to draw some blood?" he asked, eyes cast to the ceiling, exposed mouth in a slight smile.

You gave him a look even though he couldn't see. "What makes you think I'm scared of blood?"

"That one time Tony got a paper cut and you had to leave the room."

You stood, hands on hips. "That was a really bad paper cut!"

Bucky chuckled, ducking his chin to his chest, shoulder jostling up and down.

You dumped the shaving-cream-full razor into the sink with an exaggerated sigh. "Don't move just yet, I haven't done the left side of your face."

You went to his left side, carefully shaving from his side burns down to his jaw, hearing the low scrape of the blade along his skin. It was satisfying, shaving him, watching the clean, smooth skin appear below the white cream.

You loved his stubble, but a clean shaven Bucky had a special place in your heart.

"You're cute when you're concentrated," Bucky mumbled, staring up at you with dazed eyes as you cleaned the blade.

Returning for the last stripe of white, you kissed the tip of his nose. "You're cute all the time," you answered in a high tone, shaving that last bit and standing back with a smile.

Bucky stood, admiring himself in the mirror. As he pulled a towel to wash his face, he looked at you in the mirror. "Making me look handsome, y/n," he said, winking when you caught his eye. You watched him clean the rest of the shaving cream left and apply his aftershave, loving the way he stretched out his neck, exposing his adam's apple.

You especially loved that tic he did; raising his brows, jutting his lower lip.

He helped you clean up, storing the blade and the shaving cream. Then he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you onto the counter, sitting you so you were eye-to-eye with him.

"Thank you, my love," he murmured, snuggling your neck, pulling you into a tight, warm hug.

[commsroom]

this is a sensitive topic for me, so i really hate that i have to make this post, but unfortunately it keeps becoming relevant: stop infantilizing hera, and stop making excuses for it.

"well, she's literally four years old" she's been fully conscious with an adult mind for most of that, awake for most of that, and in multiple places at once for most of that. do you think that is comparable to a child's life experience, or is it maybe representative of something else?

i assume you understand why it would be wrong to call lovelace "literally two" because the fact that she is a clone is textually representative of the trauma she's been through. i also assume you understand why hera occasionally making flippant or frustrated comments about her own struggles living as an AI is different from the text telling you who she is or how you should regard her. it's science fiction, and it's a show that uses science fiction concepts in ways that resonate with real ones. the ultimate fact of the matter is that hera could've been in a lab for 30 years, or for 200 years, in a different setting, and be written the exact same way: as a sheltered, isolated adult woman without real life experiences.

hera is not a child or teenager in a natural stage of development. she is an adult who never went through the usual stages of development or life milestones, who has adult friendships and responsibilities, but who feels she is permanently ill-equipped to handle her life because no one ever taught her how, or gave her the space to make mistakes. if you don't understand why this distinction is important in discussing her trauma, that there are real, adult people who feel the same way, people who feel they've only been alive for four years, women who were never girls... then i really don't know what to say to you.

and i guess i have to say it: it's inherently infantilizing to say her peers see her the same way they see an actual child, or to say she needs them to be parental figures, especially eiffel of all people. "adult women have parents too" not ones that are 30 year old men! and parents have responsibilities to children, even adult children, that are different from the responsibilities two unrelated adults who care about each other have. it fundamentally reframes hera's most equal relationship in a way that diminishes her autonomy within it. (and if you're arguing it's all equal anyway, then what does it add? why don't you consider friendship as important?)

i know some people will dismiss that point because i view eiffel and hera romantically, but i've never argued you have to. if you want to go down that road, it says some pretty awful things about the couple of writers and actors who also view it romantically if you think she was meant to be viewed as a child, much less comparable to his child. you're inventing problems that don't canonically exist.

i just don't understand why you would make it about eiffel at all - and eiffel does not have the right to be a parent; the only thing that will heal his relationship with his real actual child is in relation to his real actual child - instead of discussing what a disabled, isolated, traumatized adult might be able to offer a disabled, traumatized kid. isn't the whole point of hera not being like pryce about breaking cycles? why make her a passive figure in her own story when her entire story arc is about taking control of her life?

there's no utility to this line of thought that doesn't further demean and alienate her, while implying she isn't ready to be a fully autonomous adult person. i don't think most people mean to be ableist, but hera is canonically a disabled woman, and i don't like where that line of thought leads. and yes, she's just a fictional character and can't be hurt by it, but everyone brings some real-world biases to how they engage with fiction. she's written as a marginalized adult person, and her womanhood is textually tied to defense of her personhood and autonomy (as well as a parallel to lovelace, also a marginalized woman.) to paraphrase minkowski - "you are going to show [that woman] some goddamned respect."

[bloomeng]

I'm a little nervous to talk about this because the internet is truly the place where nuance goes to die but fuck it I'm going to do it anyway.

So misogyny in fan spaces. There's so much that can be said here, but I want to focus on a trend I've seen in fanfiction for years. This isn't a call out to anyone in particular or a fic that I read recently, it's just something I want to talk about.

There's a range in which I see misogyny displayed in fanfiction. The most subtle version is when a fic has a large cast, but despite this, the female characters just float in the background as accessories. Writing big casts is difficult and I understand that (it's part of the reason I tend not to like big casts) but despite this all the female characters will remain less developed than their male counterparts. The other version is they will exist only to advise or prop up a male character, which isn't to say that a female character can't play that role in a story. On an individual level, it's not an issue, but when it's the only role over and over it becomes an issue. My solution to handling big casts is to break them off at times into pairs/smaller groups and allow everyone to have their moment. It doesn't need to be perfectly balanced but even small moments could go a long way.

The next step up is literally ignoring them altogether. I understand not every character is going to feature in every story. Time and place and all that jazz. But it's telling when they're so clearly written out of a story for the sake of not addressing them. If we can cram in all these male character cameos we can do the same for the women. Personally I feel writing is stronger if you only include characters for a purpose beyond them just being there (and it would be two birds with one stone bc that would automatically allows for more depth), but this is fanfic that I'm discussing, where fan service rules everything.

The third trend and arguably the most egregious I refer to as the “Sakura Effect.” The Sakura Effect is when an author will include either a pre-existing female character or an original female character for the sole person of villainizing her to extreme proportions. It’s scary to me because as much as media can be misogynistic this is so much worse in my opinion. As fans I would hope we would be better but then I see characters flattened or created simply to be awful. And yet “no one” sees the issue in that.

I’ve seen authors go far as to say apologize in the notes about mischaracterizing female characters for the sake of the conflict. Like we’re so close to recognizing the issue yet so far. Also for some reason it’s socially acceptable to add character bashing tags to fics?? I see this the most with Naruto fics, but to this day I will never understand why people feel the need to establish how much they hate a female character in a fic that doesn’t even touch on them. Or they warn people that they made her evil bc they hate her??? Like ok so we’re recognizing the problem and doubling down. Cool.

I once saw someone create a female character for a fic who was described as ugly and with a ton of acne and a bunch of people called the author out for the description and its subsequent streotypes. The author responded by basically being like I hear you but I don’t care. But I was also concerned that no one else in the comments was concerned that the character was female as well.

I see this trend with people to make these super creepy stalker female characters as conflict for their mlm ships and it’s just like…. do we not see the inherent issue in this. We complain about the treatment of women in the source material and then we (fan culture) turn around and make arguably more offensive characters.

This is a fairly ranty non-nuance, doesn’t even touch on intersectionality, look at misogyny in fanfiction but that’s all I have the capacity to discuss today.

[redux-iterum]

So I’m curious about Goldenflower’s reaction! We’ve seen how aggressively she reacts when kits or young cats are put in danger (ie. Fireheart being left out alone). So I was surprised she allowed the ceremony to proceed. Is Bluestar’s failing mental health the reason why she didn’t react more strongly and shut that shit with Aspen/Ash/Cloud down? Also where do the clans draw the line in regards to someone like Bluestar when they’re not stable enough to really be held accountable, but they are putting other clanmates in danger through their actions?

There's a couple things going into this, so bear with me.

This whole situation is extremely difficult for everyone in a position of power, let alone the average warrior. Ideally - that is, how the Clans imagine stuff like this to go in stories - the leader can be disobeyed and disregarded by their followers, no questions asked, the instant they fuck up or do something dangerous. The matriarch has all the power over kits, the deputy can step in as the proper head of the Clan, the elders will be looked to and the seers have all of StarClan to give out judgements and commands. This is a sort of checks-and-balances type of society! It's going to be so easy to handle if it ever does happen!

Realistically, though, Clans are hardwired to obey their leaders above everyone else. It's why Brokenstar got away with everything for so long, it's why Tigerclaw would have been so much more dangerous if he'd gotten there, and it's what's allowing Bluestar to keep her position even though her mind is visibly failing. Leaders aren't untouchable, theoretically, but it is so very hard for a Clan to look at the cat who's so important to their society that they have an entirely unique suffix just to denote their rank and tell themselves "I refuse to honor them and do as they say", even if they have a good reason, or several. Even at this point, ThunderClan will obey their leader over their matriarch, and the matriarch will be forced to go along with this, not knowing what else can be legally done.

To disobey says so much about the warrior and the Clan as a whole: they made a mistake placing such massive responsibilities on this cat's shoulders, they have nowhere to put the demoted cat that will go smoothly, they're threatening the unity and structure of the Clan by shaking the very foundation of what they've grown up and lived with. It's so hard for a cat, let alone a warrior, to adjust to severe changes like that, especially ones that imply something at fault within themselves - which, inherently, following a bad leader for any length of time will shine a light on. Sometimes it's easier to keep silent - or, at the most, mutter complaints to your friend while doing nothing.

There's another aspect of this botched apprentice ceremony: the apprentices themselves. Changing from a kit to an apprentice is such an important, valuable, special thing for everyone; it's the biggest change in your life so far and it marks you as ready to serve your Clan and grow up to be someone great. To go through with the ceremony and then rip away that gift from cats so young and new to the world is a particularly cruel sort of disappointment, bordering on punishment in the eyes of that kit. Can you imagine being a grade schooler, about to enter middle school, and then being told you have to go back to kindergarten because someone else fucked up your paperwork? How awful would that be?

Speckletail made about as good of a call as she could in that moment, taking the apprentices' ages, their mentors and the Clans' culture into account. Let them be apprentices until they prove they're not ready, and if they aren't, they can go back to being a kit. This sort of solves the problem in a way - the apprentices will be eager to prove they can keep their -paw's and will work hard to do so, and if they fall behind...well, maybe they can just stay in camp for another month and then come right back to training with some experience already! It's not ideal, but it's the best Speckletail could do.

As for the final question... did you know that it was believed that planting an elder tree by your door would keep the devil away?

[the-rat-eatery]

Something that I think is so great about She-Ra is that it portrays selfishness as a good thing. So many stories about “chosen ones” and “saving the world” are presented as acts of selflessness; it’s the sacrifices that bring the world to peace. She-Ra isn’t like that. It isn’t without its sacrifices, we think of Angella and Mara and Shadow Weaver- but they aren’t the focus. Catra becomes more selfless over the course of the fifth season, but that’s just character development- not the thing that saves the world. 

Adora is a martyr. Obviously. The classic way for the story to handle this is to have her die in the finale- a death tragic but necessary. If she were to die there would no doubt be statues built in her honor, if she had died in the initial seasons then that death would surely be something that was presented as honorable- something to be avenged and be in awe of. But her inherent heroism, her selflessness, is repeatedly shown to be a bad thing for Adora- the person. Sure, the longevity of Adora’s She-Ra might have been expanded if she had given her life for the cause, the stories told in her wake more grand, a punchier ending to the tale, but Adora herself would have felt no benefit- she would have been a corpse. It is Catra, and Catra’s selfishness, that saves her. 

Catra is interesting in that way. We see her arc climax with an act of selflessness- her saving Glimmer in exchange for what she thought would be her life. But it ends with her being selfish, choosing to confess to Adora in the end, desperately asking her to stay- the only thing she ever wanted from her. It is want that saves them both in the end, want is an entirely selfish act. 

Adora’s selflessness is questioned throughout the fifth season by Catra, something that is taken as a given by everyone else in the rebellion. They were all expected to lay down their lives for the rebellion, but Adora was on the front lines. This isn’t even questioned by Bow and Glimmer, who stood back when Adora (without any discussion) was unanimously decided to be the one to take the failsafe. Yes, they didn’t know the repercussions then, but Adora was still the leader, and she was the one expected to take the responsibility. Catra’s selfishness, her not wanting to let Adora go is what brought Shadow Weaver’s deception to light. She wants, and that saves the person she is wanting. Want is lifesaving, want is a good thing. 

I like this because selfishness is good, actually. Selfishness is the thing love thrives on, it’s why living isn’t surviving. 

Selflessness is giving up what we want for someone else’s good. This is good in measure, I’m not saying that everyone should take everything that they want all the time- the world would be chaos. But selflessness can go too far, and we see this in She-Ra. Selflessness can wrap back over into selfishness when you’ve got too much of it- barreling over with giving and giving yourself to other people in a feeble attempt to avoid dealing with your own problems. But the selfishness of She-Ra is the selfishness that is required of love. It is confession. It is, instead of accepting death for the sake of all, fighting for the life you want. Wanting is such a human thing. Not even a human thing, it’s just a life thing. And that same wanting is chastised by the media. We aren’t supposed to want, especially if we’re gay; and if we do then the honorable, right thing to do is to give it up for the good of other people. She-Ra shows us the opposite. Selfishness saves the world and wanting is good. 

[sinnersandoverlords]

I originally did not want to engage in any of this nonsense because I honestly believe that taking sides in a toxic relationship where both parties have repeatedly used each other for their own gain and have a lot of ongoing misunderstandings and miscommunication is pretty stupid. 

So I am gonna preface this with saying that I am neither „Team Blitz“ nor „Team Stolas“ and I do not hate any of them. Both Blitz and Stolas are inherently good people with flaws and issues due to their trauma, and that impacts all of their relationships. I think the narrative has been very clear on that, so idk where people get the idea from that one is the victim and one is the abuser in this situation.

They both are not innocent. Painting one as the abuser and one as the victim is disingenuous as they have both done objectively morally questionable shit.

But recently I have seen people shitting on Stolas so much and painting him as this awful abuser, even going so far as to call him the abusive party and the show adressing any faults Blitz has in this relationship as „victim blaming“.

Bruh.

So I really felt the need to adress this.

First of all:

„Sexual harassment“ – Please do look at the context of S2 ep 1. We are precisely told why Stolas acts the way he does. He believes that Blitz is into him behaving like a kinky bottom, and that Blitz wants him that way. That is why he acts the way he does.

Does that make it right?

No, but it is a matter of miscommunication rather than Stolas purposefully overstepping boundaries.

Once the Ozzie’s ep happens and Blitz confronts him about „Stolas only wanting him for sex“, his approach changes and he tones his aggressive flirting down a lot, as well as any pet names etc.

Yes, Stolas did things wrong.

He actively tried to mend things and do better.

Idk why people ignore that or call context and character development we have been given as „retcon“.

Then I have also seen some awful takes recently on how Stolas expected a relationship from Blitz and tried to manipulate him by offering him the Asmodean crystal.

Dude.

Are we watching the same show, guys?

He gave him that Asmodean crystal WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING in return precisely because he wanted to form a relationship free of any obligations/transactions where Blitz could make a choice to be with him or not.

The power imbalance. Yeah, the power imbalance with the whole Grimoire situation and also just in general have always been a problem, but that is what Stolas tried to better by giving Blitz the Asmodean crystal so that their relationship would not involve the livelihood of Blitz in any shape or form anymore.

Also I am a bit annoyed by people ignoring that the whole relationship started because Blitz tried to manipulate Stolas to steal from him. Doesn’t make the transactional relationship ok, but Blitz never started out as a completely innocent party in this whole deal either.

Could have Stolas communicated his reasoning to Blitz better and asked him if he even wanted the crystal in the first place? Sure, I am not saying that Stolas handled everything 100% perfectly.

But some people here go out of their way so much to paint Stolas as this malicious sexual abuser, ignoring context, how both parties share blame on the situation derailing like that due to miscommunication and misunderstandings.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[secretlythatsme]

honestly i'm not sure how it would even work? but there are multiple paths you could take with this and they all suck for danny lol

maybe he gets de-aged first and his parents think it's a ghost ploy to get them to care about him or something, get mad, and proceed with experimenting on him. maybe the vivisection happens while he's still a teen but while trying to get away he somehow de-ages? could be magic could be time could be whatever honestly but he still has the cut as a kid. maybe the trauma and pain from the vivisection is too much and his core destablizes and makes him younger to try to save him? no idea!!! and that's just how it happens! that's not even mentioning whether he has memories or access to his powers!!! there's so many possibilities and i'm so sad i can't find a fic like this :(

but anyway, i'd love to see how the batfam would react to this because you know they're taking care of this clearly abused kid who got dissected!! i feel like this au would be even more interesting if it's one where there's a clear disconnect between amity park and the rest of the world so they can't even figure out what happened to him or who did it. it would drive them crazy to not know!! to feel completely in the dark and not be able to help this kid!!

and then the slow realization that they cannot leave this kid with someone else and danny is definitely going to be a new family member. but also just them thinking that he already went through something so awful that adding him to the family could end up making things worse. wanting to protect him and keep him close but also wanting to Protect him and keep him far, far away from them so he can't be influenced or fall into vigilantism and go through more trauma. so good...

i feel like i see so many vivisection and de-aged danny fics in the dc x dp fandom but surprisingly i've never seen the two concepts mixed? i'm sure someone's had to have done that before but idk i thought i'd see more of it. that's like Prime batpham angst

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being semi-close to someone a lot younger than me?

This is something I've been worried about for a while, but it's become more prominent lately after me seeing several people say it's inherently creepy for an adult (or even just way older person) to be interacting with a child. And I really don't want to be like that, I don't want to hurt a kid ever, especially since I know what it's like to be groomed myself.

So I (18F) have known this kid (13) for about 3 years now. They reached out to me online because of similar interests- mainly in games and in YouTube channels, and we bonded a lot over that. They didn't have their age in their bio so I didn't immediately know their age, but I did find out a few months in.

Over the course of when we've known each other I've been as careful as I can to be age appropriate. I never bring up anything sexual for obvious reasons (the only time it ever came up was them asking what a sexual term meant, which made me very uncomfortable and I tried to change the subject... to which they started repeatedly inappropriately using the word. They ended up looking up the definition and where horrified. Even that conversation makes me feel wrong).

I also make sure to not put any of my personal issues on them. I couldn't always hide when I was upset- both because for the first year of us knowing each other I had unmedicated ADHD that made my mood swing a lot, and for the past 2 1/2 years or so I've been in a very toxic relationship that I still don't know how to get out of and quite frankly, am scared to get out of because I don't know how they'll react if I do actually leave them. Do to this, there's been times they could tell something was off and would ask me what's wrong. I avoided telling them as much as possible, just giving them something vague and reminding them that it's not their responsibility to help me, because they would always try to help cheer me up, and even that didn't feel right because they're a kid. They should be focusing on themself, not me. The worst of this though, is there was a time I was struggling heavilly with suicidal thoughts. I was planning to attempt, and sent out a vague "goodbye" type message, trying not to make it too obvious what was happening. They caught on though. They weren't the one who helped me calm down from that but I still know how awful it is to be sitting there, scared you're going to loose someone important to you. Especially for a kid. I've apologized for that happening many times, and it hasn't repeated, but every time they just go "It's fine, you were a struggling kid too back then" as if that makes that okay. It doesn't feel right.

Throughout the 3 years we've known each other, I've also tried to help out where I can with several issues they've had. Which was pretty much just me giving advice for how to handle difficult situations where I felt I could, and offering comfort and reassurance where I couldn't. Among other things, I helped them recognize several instances where other people they met online where intentionally trying to groom them. I explained to them that it wasn't normal for someone my age to want to be with them/find them attractive, because there where several instances of them telling me of 15/16 year olds getting with them. That no responsible person my age would be doing that to them, and that it wasn't okay for them to do that.

Because of the help I've given them, I notice they look up to me quite a lot. They have told me they see me as a role model and "the best person they know" (I can guarantee I'm not, and have tried to get them to not see me that highly because that seems unhealthy). They even see me as a sort of parental figure, including calling me parental-like names. That by itself I don't mind too much, I know they had a terrible home-life and didn't feel they could actually look up to their real life parents. So if I am giving them something I think every child deserves to have (a parental role model they can look up to), I'm glad. I just worry I'm not as good a role model for that as they think I am, and that I'm a creep, just like the ones I have gotten away from them in the past. I do care about them a lot, and do see them in that sort of familial way, and I want to protect them and help them have a better life, because I know they have struggled a lot and if I am able to help them, I want to. But I'm worried I'm causing the same harm that has been caused to me, and that others have tried to/have caused to them in the past without even realizing what I'm doing wrong. I don't want to be like those creepy assholes.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[fantasylover145]

Eddie is a terrible partner that is the plain hard truth!! He is a wonderful human being, a loving father and a fantastic friend and firefighter but he is genuinely a terrible partner. He treated Shannon like shit when they were married, I know he was young & terrified & they both made horrible mistakes in that marriage. But even when she came back into his life & when "they were working on things" he never asked a single personal question about her or asked about how she was handling her grief or how her mother was doing if she was even still alive (because they never fucking mentioned it and we can only assume she's fucking dead). Shannon was only a "wife" and a "mother" to Eddie, she left to get her identity back, to be a fucking person again as well as to take care of her sick mother but when she got back with him it was never really about her at all. Eddie doesn't get to know these women from what we can tell. Even now Eddie isn't remembering the woman she actually was but idealising a version of her he made up in his head. Of course, he is wondering about all the "what ifs" and what could of been, he loved her deeply but he isn't treating Shannon and her memory with the respect she deserves because he is ignoring the person she actually was when she died. Moreover, with Ana he was grieving Shannon & dealing with his PTSD from being shot so it is understandable he made mistakes, but he still strung Ana along for months and months. And with Marisol, he barely knew anything about her, had her move in after hardly months of dating, allowed her to be waaay to involved in his son's life and allowed them to be alone together multiple times in a single week and then cheated on her. We didn't see him apologise and even afterwards hardly even actually saw him feel guilty for how he treated these women not only Marisol but Ana too. Eddie keeps fast-tracking his relationships only to backtrack when they get "too serious".

It isn't just that he isn't falling in love with these women, because yes you can have relationships with people and a little while down the line realise you aren't or can't fall in love with them, even if you are attracted to them. It's how he is purposely allowing them into a mother/wife role in his life way way too quickly, never truly being in it and allowing his son to get attached. Ultimately, by Eddie following these inherently sexist traditional values that his parents cultivated he gets to the point where these women are hardly even people anymore to him but props in his life.  Like even Lena who he didn't even get with, their entire friendship was about him. So so many of the relationships he has with women outside of the 118 are entirely about him, his relationship with his wife was about him, his friendship with Lena was about him, Marisol, Ana, even Pepa and Abuela were only important in the show when it was centred around him. The writers need to be fucking better.

Buck has been a terrible partner it's not just Eddie, he was pretty awful to Taylor not only when he cheated on her and moved her in and essentially trapped her. But he wasn't in the right headspace at all to be in a relationship so it was a definitely unbalanced relationship. Most of that relationship was about him not about both of them like it should be. Taylor immediately became a side character when they got together and was there for sex or to comfort him, even though there was one ep about Buck supporting her and about her past, they lost so much chemistry because she wasn't really a person anymore at some parts of season 5. Buck has shown misogynistic tendencies as well especially in season 1 and I don't mean him sleeping around because there is nothing inherently sexist about it, but his comments about Valentines Day and stuff like that were. Buck also never actually takes the time to evaluate what he wants in a partner and just goes to the next available person even though I think he genuinely likes and wants to be with them, the writers treat all his love interests like they are disposable. Take how Lucy was treated as soon as she served her purpose to "stir drama" they threw her away as if she was nothing, he didn't apologise to Lucy about kissing her when he was in a relationship or anything too. Lucy also had ten years of experience as a firefighter and even though I can understand Buck's insecurity and desire to prove himself, he still comes across as a bitter sexist asshole a little bit when he was talking about how he should be Interim Captain not her even though she is waay more qualified. I can understand not wanting an outsider to be Interim Captain but to suggest he was better was just ridiculous.

Even Bobby has had his misogynistic moments with how he treats Athena sometimes and his comments. Like how when Athena went back to work after she was attacked which was HER choice, he instead of talking to her and communicating decided to sympathise with a drunk driver who purposely got on the road and almost killed her own child and then kept it a secret from his wife. I don't think Bobby thinks he can control Athena or her decisions but throwing that in her face as if that was in anyway equal and acting as if he should have a say is fucking stupid, when he could of had a conversation with her but instead decided to be petty and tried to belittle her and make her feel bad about a decision SHE MADE ABOUT HER OWN LIFE. Bobby has also made small comments here and there which can also be seen as sexist even when it might not be his intention.

But the difference between Eddie and how he treats women compared to Bobby and Buck is that Buck and Bobby have actually managed to have healthy romantic relationships with women and treat them like human beings, whereas so far Eddie has not.

I think out of literally all the male main characters only Chim has not shown much if any misogynistic tendencies. The way the writers write these male characters is misogynistic even with them having incredible relationships with female characters and showing love and support with them. They treat almost all the women in Eddie's life as if they are not even human, but caretakers. And then with Buck while his relationships with women have been much much better, showcases their personalities a lot more and they are actually three dimensional human beings much more than Eddie's love interests, they are still incredibly disposable. Even if Buck doesn't see them as such, he just moves from the relationship to relationship. That's not to say that Eddie is somehow a worse person than Buck and Bobby that's just to say that Eddie needs to cultivate relationships with women in his romantic life that are more balanced and aren't entirely about him and his son. If the writers do not make Eddie queer, how he approaches the women in his life outside of the 118 and in his romantic life is something he needs to focus on. Eddie definitely is still unlearning all the bullshit he grew up with, which does take a lot of time. But even if they get Eddie into a relationship with Buck and say he is gay that does not excuse his behaviour and it would somehow almost give him an excuse to have no self reflection on how he has treated the women in his life. Especially when Josh basically said that Tommy treating Abby like shit and even now continuing to make shitty comments about her is excusable because Buck doesn't understand what it was like for him. I'm not trying to say I am not sympathetic to fellow queer people who suffered from comphet and were in straight relationships at all. But you don't get an excuse to be a shitty person to other people, it may be an explanation but it doesn't excuse it. But especially with Tommy and how he currently thinks and talks about the woman he was engaged to. Also, Buck has been there for Eddie way way more than Eddie has been there for Buck, so while I don't think Eddie would ever treat Buck as if he is not a human being just a caretaker, I do feel like the relationship had been vastly unequal in terms of emotional labour in just their friendship. Therefore, if they do get together even though Eddie would be a much better partner, I still feel like he would have to unlearn the toxic views he grew up with. Otherwise Eddie is just going to continue with the same patterns. It's also so funny how Eddie treats Buck and Shannon in such similar ways.

Furthermore, when the love interests are actually fucking people, fans may actually fucking ship the main characters with them who knew?! Eddie doesn't have to be "fixed" or "perfect" to be in a relationship, he doesn't have to get over his grief or trauma but he needs to learn how to be an actual fucking partner and treat his girlfriend's/partners like people with thoughts and feelings.

All of your favourite characters are subject to criticism and 3/4 of the main male characters are or have been misogynistic. Just because you fucking love them doesn't mean that they are infallible. The actors and writers have done incredible jobs with building and developing these characters but that means that unfortunately these characters have traits that we don't want to admit are there. I know these are fictional characters but the way these characters treat women is a reflection of how men are in the real world. Women are not only there to serve men and are not disposable.

[happy-beeeps]

Hi love! Could I request a Rex X reader where reader can’t sleep so he stays and talks with her?

Hi lovie!!! Tysm for the request! It makes me so happy to answer these especially when they're about Rex. I actually struggle with insomnia so this is like a very real occurrence for me, so I hope you love it!! Also the way i'm posting this at night aw it's like a bedtime story this has so many layers

Bed Time

pairing: Rex x jedi!reader

Summary: You have a hard time finding sleep, so Rex finds you instead

Warnings: None, this is tooth rotting fluff for my sleepy girlies (gn)

WC: 1.2k

* * *

You’re a monster when you’re low on sleep, according to everyone in the Jedi Council and most of the GAR. For being a Jedi, you’d think you’d be well equipped to handle low sleep, but to you, sleep is currency. There’s a running gag of all the places you’ve dozed off when trying to catch up on lost hours (the current favorites being Master Yoda’s council chair, at Kix’s med station, and inside the youngling’s training room.) You’re bristle and groggy when you’re low on energy, and everyone jokes of the time Anakin had proposed one of his haphazard “plans,” and you had looked at him, eyes sullen, and placed a hand over his mouth. “I’m going to need you to stop talking.” You grumbled.

He got over it. Eventually.

This lack of sleep is how you find yourself here, padding through the jungles of Felucia in nothing but your sleep shorts and tunic. When sleep struggles to find you, you’ve found it best to seek a quiet spot away from your bed and do something, anything, to calm your mind. Meditate, read, once you have even scrubbed the entirety of the 501st’s gear. So now, you settle on a quiet spot overlooking a valley, out of sight from where you’ve all made camp, but not too far that you’re in any inherent danger. It’s hard to focus here, the air is thick and soupy and you swear if you swung your arms down fast enough you’d catch water droplets on them. Still, the quiet hum of wildlife around you allows you to ground yourself in the moment, to pretend you’re not at war. It’s calm, peaceful even. Of course, until the peace is corrupted by the crunch of footfall, and you spin around to face the intruder, though your gaze softens as it lands on him.

Rex walks in through the bushes, holding a canteen and a scrap of fabric in one hand, and his bucket in another. He’s dressed only on the bottom, opting to just wear his blacks across his broad chest. “Fancy seeing you here,” he smirks, then moves to settle next to you, offering you the canteen of crisp water.

You graciously accept it, drinking as much as you can muster in one breath, hoping to replace everything you’ve just sweated out. “Gods, you’re perfect.”

“You know, some might even say I was made for you.”

You roll your eyes at the quip, sending your shoulders gently into his. He takes the movement as an invitation to open his arm, and you happily settle your weight on his chest, your head resting in the crook of his neck.

“What are you doing here,” he murmurs against your hair, and you make a movement that resembles a shrug.

“Dunno. Couldn’t sleep, I guess.”

He laughs, and you can feel the rumble down your spine, “Right, so we’ll be paying for that in the morning.”

You look up at his smirk and stick out your tongue at him, and he responds by pressing a warm kiss on the back of your cheek near your ear, swinging his arms around you to hold you firmly across your chest. “How can I make it better?”

“Master Yoda would say by leaving me alone,” you joke, and you know he gets your jest, as he only holds you tighter. “Can we just talk? I don’t know why I’m so unsettled right now.”

“Of course, about what?”

You shrug again and nudge your feet outwards, kicking Rex’s helmet as you move. “What are your marks for again? Tell me about them.”

“Those?” he gestures his head towards the helmet, “For missions I’ve successfully completed. Course, I’ve had to start counting by fives.”

Your eyes land on the newest cluster scrawled on his forehead and you count seven dashes. 35 battles won. You don’t know why that fact impresses you, considering you’ve been at probably half of them at least, not to mention the other missions you’ve completed. Then again, everything Rex does impresses you.

“You ever think about what you’d do without it all, the war, the missions? When it’s all over?”

He hums, pulling you in closer, “Nah, not much use in it. I’m not meant to know anything but war.”

You swat at his chest, “Don’t say that, you know I don’t like it." There’s a blissful silence that falls around the two of you after that. Not quite enough for you to get sleepy, but enough for you to melt into his arms a little bit more, to meditate a touch and use his breathing as an anchor. After a few minutes of this, you start up again. “I know what I’d do.”

“Oh really, General? I’m all ears.”

“First, I think I’d rescue this one dashingly handsome clone captain I worked with, if he’d have me,”

“He would, always, but go on,” and he trails kisses up and down the back of your neck, wherever he can reach.

“Then I think I’d settle on a system somewhere warm, with a beach maybe.”

“Like Naboo?”

“Sure, we can go to Naboo. Then, I think I’d be a teacher.”

“Like a Jedi Master?”

“Yeah, I guess. I’d teach all the kids in our town and then I’d come home to my captain.”

“I’m sure he’d be very happy to see you.” And he is. Rex pulls your chin in for a kiss, not fueled by lust or urgency, but a slow, easy kiss that’s meant to put you at ease. “Do you mean it?” he asks, eyes searching yours for any deception.

You yawn. “When it comes to you, always.”

He grips you tighter, and sleep threatens to overtake you now. “Mesh’la,” he murmurs, running his fingers up and down the sides of your arms, sprouting chill bumps in his wake. “Put this on.” And he passes you the black fabric resting beside him.

You unfurl it and open it to reveal one of his black undershirts. “Rex,”

“I just washed it, it’s clean. It’s designed to wick sweat so it’ll keep you cool,” he nuzzles his head in the crook of your neck now, “sides, it’ll be like I’m sleeping with ‘ya.”

“Won’t that look suspicious? What if Anakin says something-”

“I can guarantee you that he won’t.”

You do as you're told, and settle into the warmth of his chest once more, surrounded by him and his scent. You must drift off in a matter of minutes, and Rex scoops you up carefully, holding you with both arms and carefully bending down to pick up your lightsaber. He walks the short distance back to camp, and meets a smirking General Skywalker at the flap of your tent. The Jedi puts his hand up before Rex can say anything, “Whatcha got there?” he smirks, opening the flap for Rex to place you at your bedroll, you still fast asleep. He ducks back out to face Anakin, who just gives him a knowing look before placing a hand on his shoulder. “Goodnight, you two.”

Rex rolls his eyes but grins at his General, before turning back to face your tent. “Goodnight cyarika.” He murmurs, the sound quick and fleeting, floating away on the warm, Felucian air.

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

there’s no topic that’s inherently bad to write about. there’s no subject it’s inherently bad to analyse and create art or analysis or whatever around. i hate how poor handling of topics have made people assume including them at all is somehow taboo but like. you can write about the most awful of things as long as you actually try and don’t just shove it in for shock value. but like when people are like “it’s Immoral and Weird to write about abuse/bigotry/grooming/ect At All” it’s just like. bro telling victims to shut up about what happened to them isn’t helping. and that’s what you’re doing if you decide creating any media about traumatic content means you’re inherently like. it’s so frustrating to see that people’s response to traumatic situations being treated in insensitive ways was to completely stop communicating about them- which is, y’know, what media is, it’s a way to communicate- bc like it’s so clear people see the issue about people being assholes to victims is bc it makes them think about uncomfortable things and not bc they actually want to help us.