#ineededtovent

[lurid-madness]

I feel like I have nowhere else to vent and I know nobody I know personally follows me on here so here I go, let me vent

My mom has never really shown me much affection or told me she loved me very much and for a while that never really bothered me because I didn’t know any different. She’s also never uplifting, or encouraging, we don’t share our feelings and I so desperately want to be able to do that. She’s always putting me down and criticizing every little thing I do and I don’k know I just can’t take it’s anymore. I’ve been crying in my room trying to get my final done that’s due tomorrowa I’m in so much emotional pain. My parents went away for the weekend to go camping and i stayed home. I’ve been wanting to dye my hair for a while now but she’s never let me . I’m 18 and I told her I wanted to dye my hair and she was so mad and told me how bad it would look and how bleaching and dyeing my hair at home would turn out horrible and that’s just a mom thing to say but my dad told her she should just let me do it. So they left and I did it. It’s hot pink a little purple and I love it. Over the weekend walking around town with my friend and going to work I felt so pretty and amazing in my new hair . So the day my mom was coming home I texted her like hey I did dye my hair I just wanted to prepare you and she asked for a picture to “prepare herself some more” and I sent it and she hated it . And that brought my mood down quite a bit and I laid in my room feeling drained until she came home when I bolted up excited to see her again and happy she was home and also excited to show her my hair in person hoping she would see what everyone else saw and loved. (I’ve been getting compliments left and right all weekend) but she looked at me and said she hated it she said I looked like a drug addict and I looked ugly . I tried to joke and brush it off in the moment but that hurt so bad. I felt so good before. And hearing that from your mom hurts so bad . She kept looking at me with this face that showed how genuinely she disliked It it wasn’t just because she was upset if dyed it I could tell she meant every word she said. So I was sad and my dad came home a little while after her in his own car and he didn’t like it much either but he’s always been warmer with me so he hugged my the second he saw me and told me I looked Chinese (?) which makes no sense I’m Mexican af and I only dyed my hair hot pink ? Idk but I could tell he wasn’t too upset it’s my hair he said . I went to my room feeling really sad and emotional , this whole situation just broke me, it was like the straw that broke the camels back almost I tried to not cry so she but I ended up tearing up . I posted in Instagram how I my parents hated it and i was sad and I received so many kind messages telling me how much they loved my hair and how it looked so good on me to not let my moms worked get to me. But it’s my mom you know? Isn’t your mom supposed to be uplifting and always tell you you’re beautiful no matter what? It hurt . But recently I’ve just been so down about how she treats me, she’s so negative a rude . She’s always said I don’t deserve respect because I’m her daughter and she’s my mom, she’s so overprotective but it just feels like she doesn’t trust me with anything . She’s always calling out every single mistake I make and getting so mad Over the smallest things and putting me down about them. But she never says anything if I do something good, or says she’s proud of me or anything positive . She scares me . She’s always scared me. I don’t know what to do, should I talk to her ? I really want to but I’m so scared of her and I feel like she won’t understand and just get mad at me. I don’t think I’ll be able to take it if she disregards my emotions. ADVICE IS WELCOME if you actually read this please help me. I feel like I just need somebody to understand me and I need comfort. I’ve never gotten it from anybody else and I really need some love right now . Thank you.

[darkandthedivine]

Have you ever just needed to hex someone...

Have you ever had someone do or say something to you and it just hurt you in such a deep or childish way that you couldn’t deal with it. Like you can’t talk to them about it because you don’t know if they’ll understand why you’re hurt, you hardly understand why you hurt yourself. But you do. And you just kinda want to hex them because it seems like the only way you can release some of your pain and frustration and sadness. But you won’t. Because you care about this person. You don’t want to see them suffer misfortune or pain. Or well you won’t. While at the time you may, out of some childish spite, want them to feel how you do. To understand you need time. You know that later, once the pain and frustration fades, you’re not going to want them to hurt. So even though now you may really just want to curse or hex them. You don’t. You just have to wait until your feelings fade. And you’re okay again. Until things return to normal.

[whysoadventurous]

It's been almost four months since my dad passed away. I want to talk to him so badly, hug him and cry on his shoulder. For the past couple of days I begged him to give me a sign or something. Would he be mad if I ended it all? I struggled with that thought for a few days. When he was dying I promised him I would do anything to carry on. But I am tired now. I am tired of constant pain, anxiety and loneliness. I have never felt more alone. Would he be dissapointed if I gave up?

Tonight I dreamed about him for the first time since his death. I remember feeling calm and safe. He said to me: Give yourself a little bit more time. Just wait. You have to push through this and you see it will all be good.

I don't know if it was just my mind playing games. Or was it real? Was it really him answering my questions and trying to give me comfort? I don't know. But he was the greatest man in my life. And I should listen to him even if it wasn't real. So I will try to give myself a little bit more time. To try to push through this. And maybe things will be as he said they would. I miss him so much.

[taylorsimpsonbart]

Like I'm asking you a serious question , and I'm expecting an answer because I know I'm not perfect. Constructive criticism it's called. I don't want to pull up on someone , thinking I'm good when I got a booger on my nose and I was walking with you from time. You know ? Serious questions deserves serious answers. I'm not one to say I'm perfect cuz trust me , one comment from you and I watch how I step because if you see it , someone else already seen it or will see it but couldn't/can't tell me, so I TRUST you who is the closest person to me , to educate me & keep me in check. Stop playing the fool at all times and ignoring my questions when I ask what you mean by what you say. Shits bugging.

[itskikilove]

I am so sick and tiiiiired of these so called "friendships" I get myself into. Like I'm the one they come to when they need a shoulder to cry on, to vent and tell their problems too. But when it's time to do anything else I DON'T EXIST. I am tired. It feels like I'm only on their mind when I'm in their face. God I wish I could have friends who are like minded. Who share the same interest as me. WHO ACTUALLY GIVE AF IF I'M AROUND OR NOT. I know I'm not a terrible friend because I go above and beyonnnd. But no one has ever done the same. Maybe I'm better off by myself. This shit is getting old. I am tired of feeling unappreciated.

#ineededtovent

[tricksterconfessional-blog]

I hate my body

155 pounds and all I can think about is shedding calories I intake. I look at my fitbit after every exercise, after every day and look at the calories I’ve burned with pride. Like that’ll some how help me. Like these numbers give me comfort in that I’m not gaining weight...but then I look in the mirror and I continue this self hatred of my body. Little voices whisper that the exercise isn’t helping...that I’m getting bigger. Little voices then urge that I should eat less. Starve myself...because that’s when I feel happy. I feel happy when I only eat one meal a day with less than 1200 calories. But then stress and depression and anxiety beg me to eat for comfort. Then I struggle and repeat. Count calories. Cut my intake. Exercise more. Lose it. Lose it all.

[something-to-forget]

Actually talked one of my close friends as of recent into going to rehab. I can't really talk about this anywhere else because it's personal but I'm so proud of him. Seeing him hurting himself and his loved ones reminded me too much of myself and something about it told me I needed to help him. I'm glad I was a part of this moment and I can only hope he sticks through with it.

[metal-teacup]

I hate this.

the feeling of heartbreak is awful. I want to throw up, cry, and break everything in sight, even if it's something I loved. I have never felt this much pain.

[elvampiro9878]

I just want to be able to pay my bills, why is that so hard? I feel like such a failure and I hate it. Hopefully I’ll have a second job soon and things will get better but right now it’s just so hard. I’m not trying to to do anything special,just get out of debt.

#personal #ineededtovent

[kaijukankles]

I’ve gleaned the beauty and solace of other worlds far more more appealing than my own. Through the lacing of fingers or a shoulder shared, I’ve been transported far from the disarray of my head and the solitude of my heart. Blooming colors from boisterous laughter and emotional subterfuge from secrets shared in confidence breathe hues into the grey skies that are me. Too beautiful, too temporary. The doors to these worlds slam shut before I can get a foot in. Unfair. Maybes and apathy and sudden disinterest. Unfair. Touched by color, but not awash in it like everyone else. UNFAIR. I feel less grey and more black and it’s exhausting. I want comfort and touch not vitriol and fury.

[tiberiusradke]

Why do I have to be so damn insecure!? I mean I have friends and family that love me to death but every time I'm told that I'm actually funny, that fun to be around and that I'm good looking my brain just refuses to believe them! What the hell is wrong with me?!

[uhohitscat]

The nominations for superlatives were today and I realized…

I don't stand out I'm never noted for good things I do I don't look like all the pretty girls I never think like how I'm expected to The positive side of me says maybe it's because I'll be successful or famous one day The negative side refutes and says if there was anything about me that'd lead to those things it would've be noted by now There's nothing even special about me I don't fit in I don't belong I may as well not even exist

[littlemissdefjam]

I rarely cry because if I start, I’m not sure if I’ll ever stop. I hold so much inside because I don’t know how to even begin saying how I feel. It feels like something has died inside of me and it is rotting away, spreading throughout my whole body. I don’t know what reality is anymore. A complete mental shutdown has taken place and I feel like a zombie on a daily basis. I don’t know how to love someone properly. I’m losing the ability to function or do even the smallest of tasks. I have to motivate myself to even leave my bed in the morning or brush my teeth. I don’t know what I enjoy doing or what my interests are. I don’t feel passionate about anything and I feel much of nothing about almost everything.  Whatever it is that is wrong with me, it has stripped me of all of who I am and left nothing but a confused and lonely boy who just wants to feel loved and like everything is going to be okay. I feel scared for my future. I don’t know how I am going to find a job and be responsible for myself when most social situations I find myself in result in me feeling extremely anxious and wanting more than anything to be where I am comfortable. My parents do not help me financially nor emotionally and I am in desperate need of support and guidance. I don’t know how to do this alone. I don’t have the energy or strength to face this by myself. I sometimes consider taking my own life as the only way out of the situation I am in now but I love life, despite all of the things that are wrong with mine at the moment. I wish I could do more to take myself out of the environment I have no choice but to live in now but I can’t. I feel trapped and time is ticking and I am petrified of missing out on opportunities that only come around the once. I need help.

[damnshelby]

I am a 20 year old how works her ass off and gets nothing!! I am struggling to make ends meet. Living off pay check to pay check! I know there is more to life than this!! How is anyone suppose to make there life something better if they can't make it every month ? Idk where I'm going with thing but the paying system for jobs needs to change ugh..

[adventuresofmidnight]

I just don't understand . It needs to stop like yester year . All those years of English class and you still can't get this simple thing right . I'm begging you just stop the madness

[andihateit]

misery business v2.

So one day, I was hanging out with IQ and he told me something as part of an observation he made about SD. This observation was about how when he’s hanging out with SD and their other close friend, he gets the feeling that there’s something still between them. That they’re flirting and just pretty fucking much their flirting seems like there’s something more. And like you know, this sucks because I don’t want to control the people he hangs out with and I can’t fucking control the way he is with other people but dude. What the fuck. I don’t know how true it is. I’ve never hung around them and I don’t want to quite fucking frankly. But that is so unsettling and that makes me feel so damn insecure. I have so many options as to how I should feel. Either feel the way that I feel, tell him about how I feel and monitor him like a fucking prison guard to make sure he doesn’t flirt or talk to girls in whatever way he does or I can try to feel better about myself and be confident and trust in that there’s nothing going on because just because they’re flirting, doesn’t mean that there is something going on between them and doesn’t mean that he likes me any less and is trying to get back with her or whatever the fuck fuck FUCK. I DONT KNOW FUCK. FUCK. LIKE THIS REALLY FUCKING SUCKS. HAVING TO THINK THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND IS TALKING TO GIRLS THE WAY HE TALKS TO THEM IN A NON-PLATONIC WAY. Like does that make me fucking crazy?! The fact that his excuse is that he’s a broken person and that he’s not perfect and he doesn’t know how to change that aspect of him like NO. Like how the fuck do you talk to guys? If you’re asking me how you can attempt to change this aspect of you, however the fuck you talk to guys, transfer that over to how you talk to girls. I’m sure the way you talk to guys isn’t flirtatious. 

This ridiculous, irrational, anxiety-ridden paranoia is so damn fucking hard to shake and it’s been since New Year’s. Every fucking notification I see or hear from your phone my heart just drops. Because I don’t know if one of those messages is you fucking talking to a girl again the way you did on New Year’s Eve. And tomorrow you’re going to her graduation and I don’t care if you do. I actually hope that you have fun. And it’s just like fuck. I wish IQ never told me that. Because now I’m sitting here thinking, why the fuck is it so hard for you to be platonic with girls? Maybe I’m being too extreme but when the fuck did I ever drunk text another person before you or even anyone beside you for that fucking matter or when did I ever fucking tell another guy that I’ve always thought he was fucking hot and that I’d pretty go over to him in a heartbeat if I had the fucking chance? And I hope that after this graduation and the so-called “dinner” that you’ll be able to tell me everything that happened and I don’t care if the details are mundane or harmless but just that you don’t purposefully omit shit from the night. Because it’s so damn fucking hard to trust you now and I want to trust you completely but now I just can’t stop thinking about how much of a potential scumbag you are. And I fucking hate it. 

10/5/15 10:41pm