#andihateit

[lolainblue]

I used to think I had it all Somehow I fell back into habits that tear me apart I never got to say I'm sorry But I can't sleep alone tonight If it's good for me and it's good for you If I die tonight then I'll make it up to you

You're the only thing that gets me high And I hate it and I hate it You're the only thing that gets me high And I hate it and I hate itI'm tangled up in my own image But I hate who's staring back at me

If it's the truth I seek It's the truth you'll serve If my soul is weak Then I'll make it up to youYou're the only thing that gets me high And I hate it and I hate it You're the only thing that gets me high And I hate it and I hate it

Woah oh oh oh Woah oh oh oh Woah oh oh oh Woah oh oh oh

I'm just a user I'm just a user I'm just a user 'cause I used you up to my end If you could see me now I wear a beggar's crown If I could turn back time I wouldn't change a fuckin' thing

God, erase me I don't deserve the life you give I don't deserve the life you give

God, I can't change at all I don't deserve the life you give I don't deserve the life you give

You're the only thing that gets me high And I hate it and I hate it You're the only thing that gets me high And I hate it and I hate it

[mizzieonyoutube]

Yet another unrealistic standard for women. #thismannequinis9feettall #andihateit #yetanotherunrealisticexpectation

[odette-and-odile]

Bath bomb time. Because literally the only time in my whole day where all my extremities are fully warm is when I am sitting in a container of hot water like a weird, needy tropical fish. #bathbomb #winterishere #andihateit #willieverhavewarmtoesagain #nothingisordinary #colorsplash #visualsoflife

[movies2music83]

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A post shared by Larissa Jean (@spookypigeon23)

Though I'm more like Johnny, I can at least say I look like Ponyboy with my bleached hair. I'll just say I killed a Soc and had to disguise myself so I couldn't get caught 😂💛 #StayGold #ItsLikeBeingInAHalloweenCostumeYouCantGetOutOf #AndIHateIt

[thatkjbell]

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A post shared by KJ Bell (@thatkjbell)

Day Whatever-this-is #30daysofhonesty #writing #messedmeup #ifeelvulnerable #andihateit

[samihaha]

.

[unfaithfulgay]

7/18/16

Three things that made today terrible:

Fearing for my life/safety a few times while loading *the heaviest* walls into the theatre today.

More fucking weird and uncomfortable conversations with my mom.

Wondering if now is about the time I start developing a personality disorder.

Three things that made today amazing:

Feeling competent with tools most of the time today at work; joking around with some of the cast and feeling connected

Talking with my mentor about Grapes of Wrath and the ramifications of emphasizing systemic wrongs at the expense of individual ones.

A new friend invited me to hang out over dinner, and another (older) friend paid for us.  [Have I mentioned that the people at my church are amazing?]

Lesson of the day:

Keep...going, I guess?  If you haven’t screwed everything up by this point, you probably can’t.

[andihateit]

almost 1 year since.

And I still can’t shake the feeling I get when I’m around your phone or I see you messaging someone especially if it’s a girl. 

[urrlynoteasytocomeupwith]

I can't get you out of my mind. [imagine general thoughts of compassion,warmth,endearment,and slight attachment of a lady that I admire] It's driving me insane. I know this is weird that i think about you almost everyday....and then when i realize that, i start to doubt myself and put myself down. i start to think im not good enough, that i'll never BE good enough. I realize my situation in life, my idiotic mental level, my low maturity level, my inability to focus on fucking anything, my inability to converse like a normal fucking person, on top of that, i just look in the mirror and im disgusted by what i see. It's hard to accept myself. i can go to the gym everyday for #gains, in hopes of achieving a decent looking body. I can stay up into the wee hours of the night studying my ass off to get good grades and transfer to a decent university, and graduate with a decent degree. but its never, ever gonna be good enough. I feel like a bird that repeatedly flys into the same sliding glass door, trying its hardest to reach whatever a bird would eat. That bird is too stupid to realize it cant, its literally not strong enough to break through that glass door and survive. I'm much like that bird, I can't reach what I see through that glass. These days I wish wasn't alive, knowing full well that some people would kill to be in my position. At 21 years old, im so fucking done with life and im not even living fully on my own and i have to live for like another 60-70 years? this is fucking bullshit. this concludes my outpour of my feelings.

[airwick]

I wish I could start over. Redo it all... do it right, make it right and keep it right.

[unfaithfulgay]

7/15/16

Three things that made today terrible:

Another late delivery from Lowe’s meant that I left work two-and-a-half hours later than we were promised.  >.<  So much for catching up on all the things today.

Not hearing anything from the boy I’ve been talking to but also feeling weird about carrying another “normal conversation” with him because there’s something I need to tell him soon and in person so I’m just waiting...

Weird itchy-twitchy things are happening to my body right now and I hate it.

Three things that made today amazing:

As I was leaving work I realized that the parking lot faces this gorgeous little body of water.  As I stood there in total awe, a yellow swallowtail butterfly fluttered by like in a movie, and then a big white bird flew across the water.

Re-watching The Reichenbach Fall

A ripe mango and dark chocolate (Endangered Species Chocolate, the chimpanzee)

Lesson of the Day:

Don’t stop writing about your feelings!  I know you’re busy, but seriously, you have to do it.

[ltuhuraa]

I'd like to think that I can block out shit that people talk about me. Or ignore any negative comments. But sometimes that shit really does get to you. That, and rejection from specific people that I care about. Make me feel really unattractive.

[wantedsilence]

When you’re really attracted to someone (and vice versa) but the guy is halfway across the world right now and LDR are really hard to maintain