#incredible how I shouldnt have been drawing this at all

[itscherryterry-again]

And I said: I do not want to be great, I want to be loved.

– Sue Zhao

[ganondoodle]

So your took rewrite. I have a very important question regarding the Zonai. From what I hear they're supposed to be the dragon tribe I think? And that theory with Dinraal,Farosh, and Naydra. People were making theories about them being originally Zonai. Would those 3 have a important role in the rewrite??? I'm curious because I would love to see how you draw them and implement them into the lore. Also I love your demise and hylia! Love your work too so ye that's my question, apologies if I worded this wrong or seemed rude. I am not good with words ^^;;

so, with no intention to sound mean, this is a little awkward for me to answer bc i ... loathe the idea of the three dragons having been of sonau origin

i talked about it in a few rants before but i loved the dragons before bc they were something unexplained and ethereal, spirits older than time that yet still circling the skies unknown if they ever had a purpose, or if they even had to have one, just a part of this world, a mystery i loved bc it was unsolved (personally i liked the idea of them being like the last stage of evolution for the dragons from skyward sword but again thats just me) whenever i saw them i stood there and watched in awe, one of my most favorite things from botw ... or were ..

see it might have to do a little with me not liking the canon sonau at all bc of how they were handled, a big point of that being how they felt artificially shoved into every part of this hyrules history so nothing was there that hadnt been done better or touched by the sonau before already; i get that making that connection between the sonau and the dragons is very obvious and can be interesting for some but i personally hate it bc it just destroys that sense of awe i used to feel when i saw them .. they are a mystery that shouldnt ever been 'solved' or even considered as soemthing TO solve, their mystery being unsolved is what made it GOOD to me

i now have to actually work to still seem them as i once did instead of just some sonau dude eating a god damn stone, again i dont mean this to sound mean about it but i just .... it takes it all away what i once felt about them, oh ... it was just some sonau guy .. its them again .. it wasnt an ethereal ever wandering spirit of never known origins it was just some sonau guys .... oh .... oh ...no ... (good morning i am very brave and when the dragons are revealed to not have been unknown always there spirits ever wandering the world from the beginning of time which was one of my favorite aspects of botw but instead have been just some sonau dudes eating a stone destroying my feeling of awe and respect to them forever i wont cry about it ..)

so .... the dragons (Eldra, Farodra, Naydra for me as im using their german names) do play a role in my rewrite .. but not as people or having anythign revealed about them, im keeping them as i once saw them, as spirits that have always been there (they play a role to repair the mastersword as a reference to how it was forged in skyward sword)

(and the reason the stones cause someone to transform into a dragon was bc those creatures are the most magical beings to exist and the stones are made of an insane amount of spirit energy and if that all gets released all at once there is no way for it to go other than explode or if consumed to twist whatever organism is trying to take it in into a draconic form)

the sonau in my rewrite are not dragon people, tho they do worship them as they are incredibly spiritual, but an underground dwelling species (loosely based on bats and monkeys, with somethign of a deep sea vibe to them) who only appeared on the surface after their population was already beyond saving (the reason for it being that they mined the stones for their tech to such a degree it killed the land they needed to live and as they dug deeper and more intensely for more stones, now more for pure survival than anything else, they both found more of the engima stones AND the remnant of the past that warned of ganondorf, which then prompted them to breach the surface and establish contact with the ones that dwell there; they never did that before bc its hard to get there and they considered themselves to be above any other species spiritually and didnt want to messed up their structures of society - something that changed as they stood on the brink of extinction and had found the warning which then made rauru break their old rule of not breaching the surface)

(i will say that i can get behind the idea that the big skeletons you find in the underground having been of sonau that ate an enigma stone and that is how they knew it doing that for sure, it otherwise just having been part of their belief system as dragons are the most spiritual of all aside from gods)

(... i dont want to think about the reverse possibility tho .. the orignal dragons being dead and the sonau replacing them.. i dont like that even if it made sense ,,,,, ... yet another thing they replaced ... stop that ..)

im sorry if this sounds mean or dismissive but i just ... dont like the all dragons having been sonau theory at all and im kinda glad they dont seem to plan any DLC bc i was afraid it would outright confirm it, which would suck .. at least like this there is still some denialability about it (like all the clothing and dragon themed stuff being used purely for worship on their own)

thank you for otherwise liking my work tho!! i hope this isnt too disappointing for you to hear, in the end the rewrite is primarily a way for me to cope with what i dont like and implement the ideas i have had to fix it for me :C

[terraliensvent]

Vibez got banned from Terras for telling the mods they shouldn’t be posting art of characters who are related to BDSM (talking about smile demons, of course)

Couldn’t access the original work Tycho posted bc I’m not in the server anymore but here’s the compiled screens https://imgur.com/a/RWCH5KZ

yeah this is fucking crazy

first of all, CW for sexual/suggestive themes, BDSM, latex, smile demons, the links provided in this post show receipts of the claims made here and thus have NSFW/BDSM imagery. this is your warning.

link provided

my own imgur link with more screenshots (includes everything linked here and more so dont just rely on the images linked in the text body tyyy)

so, somewhat recently a few terra staff have been getting pretty invested with smile demons, including xil, florian, keldeosknight, and tycho (xil is apparently even on staff in smile demons!)

smile demons has a huge and sordid history, there's a PSA on them somewhere that i dont feel like digging for, as well as accusations they dont take reports of harassment seriously

as for actually verifiable stuff, smile demons have pretty sexual connotations in general, even down to the original MYO art featuring leather gear and several smile demons having leather and BDSM features (in imgur gallery), as well as one of the species fucking mascots having some pretty big sexual themes!

so this is all fine and dandy until tonight, when xil posts an emoji of their smile demon that has BDSM themes and Tycho shortly after posts a drawing of that smile demon. notably, a minor originally replied to xil's emoticon knowing the character by name

public enemy #1 vibez takes issue with this and DMs Tycho, taking issue with the fact that smile demons are allowed to be freely posted yet reference images are deemed too unsavory

this leads to a back and forth where tycho sends vibez to talk to xil directly about it, and xil tries to argue that leather fetish gear totally isnt sexual guys and smile demons are perfectly fine to talk/post about in terra server despite all the fetish shit heavily associated with it (seriously, check the imgur and look at this whole argument its completely idiotic)

something i find especially funny to note, xil says in the back and forth that they "dont use the masked version" and "dont use it anywhere, its just on her th," however, they have linked the character's toyhouse profile in the lounge (with a minor even replying to them in this screenshot!) and within this toyhouse profile, NONE OF THE IMAGES ARE MATURE LOCKED

another fun side note is that florian (at age 17) commissioned another minor (age 16) to draw the BDSM demon, including the masked version as a reference. im not gonna paint this like a grooming thing because thats incredibly stupid, but i will say that this just really goes to show how unsafe this species is for minors that theyre able to participate with a species and own characters that heavily feature these themes.

so after vibez' chat with xil, tycho says that actually vibez was harrassing xil and boom. thats the straw that broke the camel's back and allowed them to swiftly smack them with a ban. feel however you wanna feel about vibez, but i think its a bit crazy for them to get banned for rightfully pointing out that smile demons shouldnt be posted in terras. even vibez admits they were pretty aggro about things lately

and i think thats where the story ends for now, moral of it all is stay the fuck away from smile demons and that terra staff continue to be incredibly irresponsible with their community, especially around minors.

[sm0kebreaks]

So like. As amazing at the tma has been about fat acceptance and love and has been absolutely vital to a lot of my self acceptance as a fat trans man, because this fandom actually talks about fat people (as opposed to other fandoms where fat characters and hcs are nonexistent), it means it’s also exposed me to the most and worst fatphobia of any fandom. I genuinely don’t even gaf about the actual discourse discussed in this fandom, it’s generally the people who negatively react to discourse of ppl complaining about fatphobia. The initial problems are usually ignorable to me, but it ends up bringing up peoples voices that make it incredibly clear what their true thoughts about fat ppl are. Idrk why I thought I should share this with you, ig just seeing if you have similar experiences.

I struggle here because i don't like to feel like i am attacking other artists. i'm a hater and i love to complain but i know i have my own short comings. but when it comes to the fatphobia in this fandom im always left not knowing how to talk about things because people will come to me and tell me why my complaint about someone thinning out a fat character is wrong or bad.

do keep in mind i dont really engage with the tma fandom as much i feel very much on the outskirts so this is jsut what i feel like i see on my end and i'm sure theres way more going on i simply dont know

in recent months we have had a newer influx of artists in the fandom who have come in with their own interpretations of the characters which is all fine and good. its jarring sometimes when we become so used to these formless characters looking a certain way that when new people enter the fandom with different ideas it feels wrong and like an attack.

the biggest issue has been people drawing a thinner martin. and while of course everyones welcome to their own interpretation and martin expressing that he's not exactly the smallest guy has multiple ways to be interpreted it is extremely frustrating to see people take that as giving him the most bare minimum extra weight. especially when having a fat character as desirable and as a love interest and such a Fun character is so far and few between

i could go on and on about how each time a popular artist posts a thin martin it gives everyone who looks up to them the excuse to do the same and it's why it's become such a prevalent thing lately. i don't think popular artists should have to worry about being good role models or anything in a fandom i think if youre making art you should do it for fun but it sucks to see when someone becomes so influential and are creating a problem. i deleted like three paragraphs on this alone so i'm going to move on.

i think what i see in the fandom most in regards to fatphobia is a skill issue. people don't know how to draw fat characters. but it also feels like people are barely trying. the artist i have in mind who i would consider to draw skinny martins DOES add a bit of roundness to him. i can aknowledge theyre doing SOMETHING. but you can't come to me and tell me that i can't criticize their art because culturally that's fat to them... like sure it could be. but it's also definitely a limitation of their art style and ability and instead of defending them and patting them on the back for doing good enough shouldnt we encourage people to grow and improve? what an amazing asset to be able to draw people of all size and variety. thats an AMAZING abillity to have in youre tool belt. i wish i had more resources for drawing bodyfat but unfortunately i do not. i have learned from looking at people and luckily having a lot of large loved ones in my life i've learned from as well as you know.. my own body to learn from. and learning to draw bodyfat and drawing characters i love with it has done wonders for my body dysmorphia.

i went on a rambling tangent and idk how coherent all of that is but the end point is that fatphobia sucks it has no place in this or any fandom and we need to practice our skills instead of erasing something that has made this fandom so wonderful to me.

here's some resources

[roseworth]

tbf to my knowledge they've never confirmed they are in a romantic relationship probably because of just how much weird rpf there already is of them when they weren't being open about it which must have been incredibly uncomfortable even if u were trying to not reveal aspects of your personal life or struggling w ur sexuality (i was guilty of it i was in the phan trenches in 2015 when i was 10)

youre right that they've never outright confirmed it however. to me it feels so weird that people are so insistent on saying that they may not be in a relationship because ?? they have consistently lived together for like 15 years and they designed & bought a house together. at the very least dan has said that they were together in 2009 so as much as id love to believe that they are in a batshit sitcom scenario of buying a house with your ex boyfriend. i dont think its much of a stretch to say that theyre together and the extent that people go to to say that the relationship isnt Confirmed is really confusing to me. historians will call them roommates

anyways. yeah i was in the trenches in 2015 too so i get it bc i definitely saw and sometimes participated in the invasive stuff so i completely understand the drawing back and saying that we shouldnt say anything until it was Confirmed, especially with dan talking in his coming out video about how much it stressed him out when people would speculate on his sexuality because he was not ready to deal with it. so i feel like theres a bit of overcorrection nowadays bc people are realizing how terrible it was in 2015 so its like ppl want to make up for that by never making any assumptions about them

but also ,,, i feel like today they are so much more comfortable with it and dont really have a problem with the "speculation" yk,, just because they've pretty much revealed it now. i still watch their videos (YES im cringe. i dont care. fuck you) and theres so clearly been a shift where they dont bother hiding it anymore and even though they havent sat down and explicitly said "we're in a relationship" they still are pretty much open about it and allude to the fact that theyre together without straight out saying it

anyways. all this to say that yeah they havent confirmed it but also they are in a relationship and i dont see a reason to dance around the subject as long as youre not being weird about it

[cmiyczine]

I, personally, really appreciate the time you're taking to write emails. I think that's an incredibly kind thing to do, and coming from someone who doesn't think they necessarily hold their own against other great artists here on tumblr, it's actually very encouraging. Knowing that someone has taken the time to look at my work no matter what is the kind of thing that will motivate me to apply to similar zines in the future, even if I don't necessarily assume I'm technically 'good' enough for them. So thank you. For taking the time. It's genuinely a very nice thing to do.

While I also respect anon's point about time management, the key is that you've been very transparent so far. You reply to asks and communicate to everyone following you; and I think that also speaks to your character.

Thank you very much for your message. This is exactly the reason why I want the emails to be personalized. The technical proficiency of the artists that have applied varies wildly, but I want everyone to understand one crucial thing. It does not matter. Art isnt better because you know how to render light more realistically than someone else. Art is about the meaning you inbue in it. Stickmen drawings can have a stronger impact than a professional painting because the artist has put their soul in it, and it reaches us and transforms us. Some of my favourite pictures were drawn by people who only draw as a hobby. This is my policy in art and it will never change. As long as you take a pencil, you are an artist. You might think your art is ugly because you dontk know how to draw back muscles, but somebody can reach tears because they get the meaning of your drawing on a level so profound even you didnt expect it. All artists are equal, there is no stupid ass hierarchy, every art is valuable, from stickmen drawing to paintings that took years to finish. If you are a beginner artist, do NOT give up because you think you arent good enoigh. Because guess what ? to someone on this earth, you might be good enough, you might even be an already fantastic artist. You have stories to tell that are completely unique, and you should tell them. People who say that everything has already been said are STUPID. Because the way you express it is what makes it singular and intriguing.

This is what AI tech bros will never understand. This is why Ai images have no future. The soul of the artist is felt in every trait, each stroke is deliberate for the sake of a specific emotion to invoke, and is absolutely unique, no matter how many people have done this before, because you have done this in your name, and in your own way, which will forever remain singular and personal. Your art has value, wether it is a doodle youre making during a telephone call or a very technical commission. There is no hierarchy in art, there is no artist that is better than someone else. There are only artists who have found a voice so unique that it resonate with more people than yours might. And it shouldnt deter you from drawing and telling the stories you want to tell. Elephants have painted. Monkeys and dogs have painted, People without arms or feet have painted. Anyone can do it.

In the 13th century, a kid name Onfim In what is now Novgorod, Russia drew sketches on his homework on bark tree that has been preserved to this day. Today, people have some his art tattoed on their bodies. People share it still, people still laugh at the way Onfim has stylized the human figure.

You can be someone's Onfim.

[pumpkin-spice-whump]

yellow! its me again!! its much earlier now than the last time i messaged here😗 (though it is still admittedly late🤡) i think i am going to sleep soon but i wanted to tell you that i had begun reading your story for Kensington!

i am currently at Bonfire (i think that was the name? im sorry if i butchered or mistaken it for other fics i have been reading😖) and like your stories for Jesse, Kensington's story is also incredibly painful to read😭

i think its the fact that unlike Jesse, Kesi has (arguably) even less dignity as his status as an ouright slave rather than at least a pet or boxboy coupled by the fact he also has (definitively? at least in my interpretation) much much less external reason/s to continue struggling and living (i guess there is Miss Ashley🥺 but Jesse at least got to spend so much more time with the three sweet Bakeman daughters)(i dont want to spoil much to not ruin the others' experience)

i know the two squishy whumpees arent exact copies of each other but i still find it so deliciously heartwrenching that Jesse is much more submissive mostly in part because of the bbu brainwashing or mind/memory wiping (i think this is common in bbu whump so i think its okey for me to mention it explicitly?) while Kensi who (i understand/interpret) was born and raised and lived his whole life as a slave is much more stubborn and defiant.

again i apologize if im missing or misinterpreting something also i know i cant or at least maybe shouldnt draw direct parallels between the two because theyre from two similar but still different worldbuildings with their own set of messed up rules and hiarchies.🤸‍♂️💔

again again it is late and i hope to fix my sleep schedule soon so i can read your works and message you when my braincells can organize my brain goop into something more coherent. i really hope you understand that all this word vomit is laced with love🤕💗

-💌

When i tell you that yesterday and today's asks both made my crappy days instantly better --

First of all thank you so much for reading both of my boys' stories and I'm so glad you like them

Yes, Jesse is extremely submissive in part because of the brainwashing WRU does, but also because Joshua was like that too. His dad passing away when he was younger gave him pretty severe OCD and anxiety that made Josh an unassuming, nervous boy, so his already quiet disposition was only worsened when coupled with the torture he had to face. One thing that always stuck with him though is his protectiveness over those he cares about. WRU did not give that to him, that was just Jesse.

Kensington's story takes place in a different universe where they do have a slavery system where slaves are born and raised that way. I like that you mentioned that Kensi is more stubborn and jaded, because that was not how I meant for him to turn out originally! I meant for him to be more submissive like Jesse, but the more I wrote the angrier Kensington got until I really came to a head in his story (can't wait for you to read the next few parts!)

Never apologize for analyzing my characters! I live for it, and I actually appreciate you drawing parallels between these two. They may be from different worlds, but they both come from me and I enjoy seeing them compared to one another actually! We're to a point in both stories that I have been very excited to come to and this gave me the motivation to keep writing!

(Sorry if my response doesn't make sense or isn't what you were looking for!)

[officialrickshades]

I AM VERY INTERESTED IN YOUR CAMPAIGN CHARACTER, PLEASE TELL ME MORE

ME? MY LITTLE GUY? I LOOK UP WITH BIG OL EYES...

(before we start off- i want to clarify his epithet is Thief)

he is one of the characters thats incredibly hard for me to play due to how different his reactions to certain situations would be from mine, but because of that it makes me want to study him LIKE A BUG. honestly i should draw him more soon but hes weirdly hard for me to draw for literally no reason (i think its how inconsistent his outfit is?)

the most basic parts of his character is, he plays himself off someone whos very lax and uncaring. hes a master criminal! he doesnt need anybody, he’s just in it for himself, yeah? and most people he meets? they play along with that! so why should he even try to be anything other than that. really, everyone should see stuff like this coming from him! hes not a good person and he know that.

to get into the MEAT of him though- (SORRY ABOUT THE WALL OF TEXT IM BONKERS ABOUT HIM)

i point at Ori, EMOTIONALLY STUNTED MAN WITH SELF IMAGE PROBLEMS AND TRUST ISSUES SO BAD HE SELF SABOTAGES AND TAKES OTHERS DOWN WITH HIM. AND ALSO RUNS FROM TOUGH SITUATIONS VERY QUICKLY.

look i have so much brain rot about him at times, that i will just, put his playlist right here. i love him. i want to throw him off a bridge. i look at him and all the things he does wrong and i want to THROTTLE HIM. I WANT TO SHAKE HIM UNTIL HE MAKES BETTER CHOICES. thankfully he is getting on his Character Arc and slowly learning that he can care and be cared for. though he is in a transition stage for his character and its GOING TO BE A WHILE UNTIL THE NEXT SESSION......

hes coming to terms right now, with the fact that people have ACTUALLY placed trust in him, and... hes scared. hes scared because theres a part of that actually doesn’t want to disappoint them, but he feels like hes going to no matter how hard he tries. him trying to leave shouldve been proof enough, but still she... she trusts him. part of him cant help but want to trust her to. to... try harder to. even if he knows he shouldnt either.

also he has performance anxiety, specifically in the form of stage fright.

(the picture is a /j)

IF YOU READ THIS FAR MY GOD, THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO ME GO ABSOLUTELY BATSHIT OVER MY STUPID LITTLE MAN

[sorcererslittledragon]

The silly weaknesses vampires have arent arbitrary but based on some fairly significant underlying logic. Now, a lot of this hasnt really been well explored in modern vampire media, and it also ignores a truly massive textual body of lore, primarily drawing from Bram Stoker's Dracula. So lets examine some of that here and figure out how modern day changes some things.

Note. There are many versions of vampire myths across the planet. I am most familiar with the european variants and while i am not a true expert. I am the next best thing. Autistic with a special interest in vampires.

Vampires have no reflection. Historically this is because mirrors were often made of silver which was considered a "pure" metal (also, something to do with that purity interacting with the soulless nature of vampires but ill get into that later), as such we can infer that (at least) one of three possibilities is true.

First. That the "purity" being refered to is theological. This is supported by vampires being unable to enter hallowed ground and their aversion to crucifixes.

Second. That the "purity" being refered to is chemical. There isn't anywhere near as much support for this (i cant actually recall any), but it does have some very fun implications that i'll get to later.

Third. Both are true.

Now for where the fun begins.

If it is theological purity then all religious centers, cemetaries, and ritual spaces innately keep them out. So to will religious and ritual objects. Icons, holy symbols, consecrated tools. Of significance is that there are way more religions than just christianity so we can absolutely explore the imteractions there.

Many pagan beliefs holds that not only are their shrines holy places, many natural locations are held as equally holy. How will your vampires cope with seemingly innocuous locations being effectively hallow. Do they still keep them out? Or do your vampires simply avoid such places out of fear or to avoid harm? Do they keep a mental catalogue of all such sites to ensure they dont accidentally destroy themselves? Or do they keep to cities in an effort to avoid having to worry about it?

Judaism will probably some very fascinating interactions here. Now. Let me preface that i am not Jewish and as such i cannot speak in depth here. Jewblr, please pipe in here with what you know would be relevant. I really want to hear from you.

Theres also a lot of fun to be had with christian theology. Did you know that theologically speaking, in an emergency, any christian can perform the rite of consecration (for rpg nerds this is the spell Bless)? This is strongly advised not to do even in an emergency, but i think vampires would constitute being granted a dispensation for having done that. So in otherwords you can turn any object into a vampire repellant or bane if you are christian.

Bear in mind that according to lore it is the strength of the faith in such things that grant them this power so a particularly faithful person will be able to use these to incredible effect, possibly allowing even the simple presentation of a holy symbol to destory one. While a sufficiently faithless individual might theoretically strip such things of that power with their mere presence. Have fun with that.

If it is chemical purity? Well to start. They shouldnt be visible via any sort of tech. Our ability to chemically purify matter so greatly outstrips that of the pre-industrial world that i doubt there is a single material we do not have the ability to purify entire orders of magnitudes above what we were able to do previously. This means that vampires should be completely invisible to tech.

Anyway im tired now. Thank you so much ADHD (sarcasm). Thats all food for thought. Please, explore the historic roots of vampirism across the globe and extrapolate how those interact with modern society. Its fun and an excellent exercise in critical reading and critical thinking skills.

Wouldn't it be entirely possible, even likely, that with all the silly weaknesses vampires and stuff were supposed to have, they'd also turn out to be weak to any number of things that have only been invented more recently? Like who's to say vampires aren't also repelled by the smell of play-doh or driven insane by MIDI music? We've invented so much shit in just the last century there'd be NO predicting this. For all we know they burn to ash if they look at Luigi.

[aidanh]

Oh boy! We're doin a sequel🤣 im gonna start this off with the "heavy" stuff plaguing my mind and then get into the school update. Well first and foremost i deleted that awful bird app, or as elon muskrat wants it to be called "X" its genuinly one of the most hateful and toxic things. I dont for the life of me understand how someone can be so horrid over screens as if there isnt a person on the other end, we are always taught to "treat someone how you wanna be treated" but a screen changes that? A screen makes you feel like you should hurt others? For what? Does it make them feel good? Being mean? I dont understand why just because someone is different, someone likes something you dont, why someone who loves someone of the same gender, why does any of that matter? Why do people care so much about something that physically doesnt affect them? And why do people activly try to prevent it? I know so many incredible people who are different to me in so many ways but isnt the beauty of life finding those people? You get to see their experiences, how they see the world and how theyve lived, if theyre artists you physically get to see these things, to hear those things through song or books, through drawings and paintings, photography. We are all different, we all see everything different, we all experience things different, how is that not so cool? Why in this day in age are we still so closed minded to people being different from us, if we all were the same life would be so boring and dull, its all the unique people that make this world give colour and life, why are we discouraging that? If ypu cant tell, it bothers me alot. I will always stand with the LGBTQ+ community, trans rights will always be human rights. Being true to who you are shouldnt make you any less human just because some closed minded people say so, i refuse to be part of the group moving backwards in that direction.

Anyways. School update, ive gotten to try out a bunch of new mediums! Ive done some stuff with acrylics, inks, watercolour markers, coloured pencil, pen, carving with lino and making prints with it, clay, sewing (actually learned how to sow and its so relaxing??) and fabrics so much cool stuff, ive been drawing basically daily this whole time which is so nice! After not having time or being able to i feel like im falling in love with art again and I'm finding myself wanting to draw more and more each day, i feel like im improving abit too! Which is the first time in a while🤣 im enjoying it! I know im not even close to being the best but im getting somewhere! I know comparison is the thief of joy and i need to get better at actually understanding that but we will get there!! I will leave this post here, if you someone read this entire thing, thank you for listening to my ramblings🤣 hopefully the next update wont be in another 40 days🤣

[frosnpls]

cw rhory (and suicide) talk again and general mental health talk

following on from that post yesterday i do definitely need therapy because as much as i convince myself ive healed (and to be fair i have, his death may have been traumatic but its incredible how quickly you realise you were being abused when youre... not being abused anymore) i do sometimes miss him and i hate it. ill see things like accounts from others who've lost people to suicide and it triggers that deep emptiness i felt when he first died despite the fact that he essentially ruined the first few years of my adult life

part of me wishes id never even met him but then i dont know if i would be as close to the friends i have now without him having been there (most of them anyway, if we pretend he didnt have one my best friends blocked because he would get jealous of how much fun i had speaking to her) and i also think he would have. died a lot sooner if i hadnt met him. his brother in law once told me it seemed like id afforded them two more years with him alive and i think it was meant to be grateful but in a way it was just upsetting because it made me feel guilty for all the times i had wished i didn't know him. it felt like i couldnt even afford a theoretical past version of myself that release. i know ultimately his death wasn't my fault and in fact i actively prevented it for a long time but it always always feels like i should have done something else. i feel like i shouldve told his brother that he was actively suicidal again but id come to his brother about it so many times that i think he just didnt think anything of it anymore.

and like despite how much i suffered through everything i dealt with with him i. do miss how we were sometimes. not him specifically, but the relationship we had when it was good. sometimes it upsets me that i cant even remember most of the positive times despite there being so many of them for the first two years we knew each other. sometimes i catch a glimpse of the tattoo on my arm when im getting out of the shower. the tattoo of one of his drawings, one of the only ones i managed to save when he deleted every single message he'd ever sent me. and sometimes it makes me feel like shit because i have this constant reminder of the boy who abused me emblazoned on my body, and nobody's first tattoo at the age of 21 should be a memorial to their boyfriend who killed himself, and it just makes me feel like shit because under everything else i really did love him and thats why i never walked away. thats why i didnt give up on him even when i started realising how damaging it all was for me. i loved him so much and i fucking hate saying it because logically i shouldnt have. its. a lot and its so complicated and nobody but me ever, ever saw it because he masked it around other people or would just dm me instead of saying anything out loud, and i could only tell people very nervously in private and i never had a way of proving it.

i think the hardest part is that my aocial circle now is almost exactly the same as it was when he was in it. all of our friends mourned that loss just the same. some of them know about the abuse now, but most of them don't, and the grief they will occasionally express (though never directly around me, which i appreciate) is so plain and easily explained and i almost feel jealous that i can't grieve the way they can. without any of the complicating factors. and that sounds so horrible but i wish my feelings about him were just SIMPLE.

i have a floater in my left eye. when i was with him, i developed stress stims. i would bash my hand against my head or bash my head against the corner of my desk. floaters are caused by head trauma. im consistently reminded of what that time was like every time i move my left eye in the right lighting.

i remember one particularly bad night where i cried for four hours straight because he just refused to talk to me like a normal person, blamed me for everything that was happening between us and told me to leave him alone and never speak to him again. i knew if i agreed to that he would kill himself as soon as he could. i knew i was the only thing keeping him alive, and that he resented me for that. i used to get acne on my nose and sleeve burns on my eyelids from crying so often and for so long each time.

it was fucking horrendous and i can't even vent to anyone because most of them grieved his death too. we don't even say his name - if he comes up it's always "you know" or "someone else, you know who i mean". so i think i... should really do a proper therapist hunt.

[softness-and-shattering]

Also, as a trans person who didnt know I was trans till after mt first puberty: puberty isnt supposed ferl awful and terrible in almost every way. Ive been surprised my second go-round (HRT transition is basically just the other puberty), surprised that some things I like and enjoy and feel good about.

Turns out it wasnt just that periods are inconvenient and gross, and being sexualised is super uncomfortable even if its via enforced modesty which doesnt stop regular being sexualised, and sexism absolutely fucking sucks and also being a teen and pre-teen is incredibly frustrating and difficult on its own. Plus being a fat teen girl is a whole extension to that. I was also INCREDIBLY dysphoric before I even knew or understood what being trans is. I has zero frame of reference for my misery and I thought it was normal because everyone complains about periods and growing pains and pimples and cramps. I thought no one likes puberty at all. You just get through it. And I was so so wrong.

Yes periods suck and everyone complains about them,; and your body changing on you and feeling new things and moving differently and growing, its kinda unsettling. People looking at you differently as your figure develops is uncomfortable, especially when they start making rules about how to express yourself. Its a weird time for everyone, not a child anymore and not yet an adult, you know youre an individual from your parents and friends but you dont know yet who you are, people make fun of teens being full of angst and of course you are, its years of being in-between big changes of all kinds without much experience yet to have confidence that it'll be okay. You have a LOT going on.

But. If your periods are super heavy, or painful, or youre not sure, if you feel like absolute shit, if you feel like youre dying or you want to die, go to the dr and use all of your stubborness, draw on your anger to fuel your persistence, and keep going until you get answers. You deserve answers. You deserve healthcare. You deserve to want to live.

And you can also ask yourself, is this dysphoria? Do I hate (not just) the changes, do I hate that im being told that Im a woman becoming a woman a young woman. Do I maybe. Not want to be a woman? Not want to be a potential mother? How does it feel to image being a dad? How does it feel to picture going through the other puberty, growing some stubble, voice dropping further, getting a little stronger, hairier? Or maybe neither. Maybe you want an adult body without secondary sexual characteristics, how does that feel to picture?

You dont have to know. Its just another possibility to consider. Because its not all horrible terrible miserable for everybody. It shouldnt be for you, and if it is, you gotta work out why so you can get on with living your life vibrantly and joyously.

So many people who get periods are like “Ugh it sucks that having a menstrual cycle makes you almost die every month” like no that’s not normal you need to go to the doctor

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. you know whats also bad about the red eyes? not only do they look awful on persephone's pink color, they're not even a unique feature? like we've seen hades' eyes go red, we've seen eros' eyes go red, and ares' eyes are ALWAYS red, so even this idea its her "unique queenly trait" doesnt even hold up?? because we've seen it on other characters before?like at least the blue glowing eyes looked unique and even gave her a possessed, otherworldly look, something with the red eyes just dont have.

2. The faces in the latest ep (not fastpass).... Ew

3. I saw someone praise lore olympus art, specifically the ones where Apollo is playing his lyre and Daphne is covering her ears while her hair is split in two (yuck! Bad decision looks awful) so we can see Apollo, the one where she transforms into her hibernation state (weird perspective, chin and neck, I think, also what the hell was that supposed to be?) and the last one before cutting to Thanatos (which, I admit looks a little better that the other but I still got distracted Apollo's arm among other things).

Now, Rachel is a professional artist like 15-25 years older than me (I dunno her age) drawing one of the most liked webtoons.

I feel like I'm nitpicking or being too harsh or crazy because I think it is a little terrible and this person thinks it's amazing and I know art is subjective and all but like the difference of opinion is jarring. I am by no means a professional and my art leaves a lot to be desired and I guess I don't have incredibly high standards (or do I? I'm second guessing). Is it really that good?

Because I know that Smythe commits more than a few anatomy atrocities. I wanted to redraw a few panels two years ago and I noticed a few things that Don't Work Like That.

4. ok but that other anon is right. we shouldnt have to go off old tumblr asks or random tweets to understand what's going on and who the characters are. rachel doesnt realize you have to actually write whats going on, not putting the readers on a scavenger hunt trying to figure out what they're even reading.

5. im honestly surprised LO hasnt ruined more mother figures at this point. maybe maia will be next and depicted as neglectful and hermes is only the way he is because hes acting out to be noticed by her, maybe dione will slut shame aphrodite, who knows, the possibilities are endless when its about ruining every mother figure to prop persephone and hera up and to avoid giving the characters actual personalities that isnt dependent on mommy/daddy issues.

6. I hate the clothing choice for Daphne in run for your life. It felt like she was drawn in a sexualized manner when she shouldn’t have been because she was running away from a r*pist. Like she almost had a nip slip, we almost got her ass, it was like Rachel was trying to fit her butt and chest in a lot of the frames like some video game with the token woman character. Like if a different dress was choosen or how she made Daphne tie the dress, I just feel like Rachel can’t draw outside of pinup sexy that well. Like sexy is fine for sexy scenes but running away from a r*pist is not sexy. (I probably sounded really lame, but the way Rachel presents the story in a feminist way but can only draw one way in not even the same style is annoying)

7. Things I think would have been better for the story instead of focusing so much on HXP

-Expanding on Minthe’s and Hades beginning of their relationship (he couldn’t of fallen for her since she didn’t laugh at him and when she yelled at him said it’s not your fault but you have the hat I think that would have added to his character more to see him more than a 40 year old who hits on barely legal)

-Leto’s kidnapping of Demeter. Both we/are close with Hera, and probably know or each other or may have been friends. Like I wanna know how Leto kidnapped her but also how are they interacting since they probably know each other and Demeter probably had Hera’s back when Hera ended their friendship.

-Ares return to Aphrodite. We don’t get to see much of her character but we know this is something she’s wanted, but they way it was handled was so flat, We assume Aphrodite told Ares that his gf slept with his father to save their son but we don’t actual read any words between the couple. And then they’re living together. I wanna see how they actually interact and stay together like their better moments. Like how well did he settle in, did they talk about how long he left for or is he mad like come on that’s something interesting but I feel like RS can’t write outside of HXP

-the deal with Echo. Why do people think Echo could possibly be Hera’s gf if she’s her assistant. Yeah they do dirty work together BUT I didn’t get a wiff or sexual tension or anything. Was it that she was there with the doctor? It just seems like Hera is that CEO trope who has the assistant always by her now.

-a little more of Pysche and Aphrodite friendship. Like Pysche says Aphrodite is lonely (and we can assume a part of that is Ares) but also because she “doesn’t have many friends” so why not a solo scene of just the two of them being actual friends. Like what did Aphrodite say when she brought back a purple nymph that was gonna help them with their work.

-Hermes not talking about Persephone. I feel like that 99% of what his character is and then just a little bit of himbo. 

-Maybe Thantos and Minthe started flirting/hooking up. We’re they friends first or flirts first? Was it after Hades and Minthe got into a fight or something else? What did Thantos like about Minthe and what does she like about him? Why did she stay with Hades with Thantos was there (it’s not like she wanted to be queen of the underworld) How did Thantoas and Thetis meet and become friends? Idk if I was seeing two guys and one of them actually liked my friend I might consider leaving Hades for him. But again hades did have the power to control everything in Minthe’s life (job, home, everything) I do like Daphne and Thantos But I feel like the transition could have been better if we knew more, but again RS can only focus on one thing and that’s HXP.

------FP Spoiler/Mention------

8. FP SPOILERS— I’m done. I’m really done. We called it. We FKN called it. They got married behind the readers back, Demeter didn’t respond to the question as she actively avoided it and time was up, Apollo is somehow involved in the trial- THIS WHOLE THING IS A MESS AND IM TIRED OF HOPING THAT IT GETS BETTER. Four FKN years of this??? I’m done with this Webtoon even though I’m FKN stuck in it. I’m so FKN done.

9. Fast Pass spoiler (kinda) OH MY GOD, I JUST REALIZED THE POMEGRANATE PIN IS JUST PASTED ON EVERY FRAME, NOT EVEN RE DRAWN FOR PERSPECTIVE, NO, JUST COPIED AND PASTED, REGARDLESS THE OUTFIT ANGLE AND LIGHTING, IT'S HILARIOUS!!!I mean, I knew the art was decaying, but this just made me laugh out loud of how bad it looked.

10. persephone’s pomegranate pin just looks like a giant fly that landed on her and won’t leave LMAO

[seijorhi]

hello, im always on the hunt for new funky fresh yandere!suga content! i really enjoyed the post you made for him, it's exactly up my alley! would it be possible to request a gender neutral reader finding out just how much suga's been stalking them after they left him? by stumbling on something they shouldnt see (could be a dark room, or a journal, whatever youd like) and have him walk in on them then?

Suga will always be my first Haikyuu love, so of course!

Sugawara Koushi x Reader

TW stalking

Red Handed

When you were a little kid, your mom told you a story.

It was about a handsome man with a blue beard, the woman who married him despite the warning signs, and a locked cellar that was never supposed to be opened. You were too young to hear it, but as horrifying as it was - it stuck with you. 

Curiosity can be a dangerous thing.

But sometimes… sometimes you just can’t help yourself.

In your defence it wasn’t so much a wilful breaking of trust so much as it was an honest mistake. Sort of.

It’s not the first time you’ve found yourself pouring over textbooks and hastily scrawled notes with Suga, but it is the first time it’s been just the two of you - and the first time it’s been at his place instead of yours. 

“I give up,” you moan, letting your head fall flat against your notebook. “I’m gonna fail this stupid exam, drop out of school and have to resort to finding some rich, attractive guy to marry and support me instead.”

You’ve been at it for hours, the two of you spread out on his couch, a mountain of snacks between the two of you. You have to give Suga credit for that - the man knows how to keep you motivated to stay but this, this was beyond your limit. It’s never a good sign when you reread the same sentence five times and still have no idea what it says.

A soft laugh sounds and there’s a hand rubbing soothingly at your back, “Aw c’mon, don’t be so dramatic. You got me, right?”

You lift your head slightly to find him smiling at you with that same fond exasperation, and almost without meaning to you find your frown softening. It’s true. Suga’s pretty much your lifeline at this point - not to mention the reason you’re actually doing pretty well in most of your classes this semester. 

God only knew where he found the patience.

“What, you gonna marry me when they kick me out in disgrace?” you ask with a wry half grin, pushing yourself away from your notes. “Take care of my freeloading ass?”

Suga doesn’t say anything for a moment. You brace yourself for the lecture and/or pep-talk he’s given you a thousand and one times before, but when you glance up at him again, the look on his face isn’t the one you’re expecting.

He’s still smiling, but there’s something… odd about it. 

It’s just a flash, a flicker of something fleeting in his eyes-

You blink, and whatever it is- was - it’s gone and Suga’s looking at you with the same expression he always wears whenever you start bemoaning your future and the possibility of failing. 

Huh… your eyebrows draw together, the faintest hint of unease teasing at your gut. Just for a moment - a split second - you could have sworn that… 

But no, you’re just tired. Your brain is absolutely fried after hours studying, whatever you thought you saw, you must have imagined. Because Suga’s your friend. A good friend, maybe the best one you’ve ever had. Still… you really shouldn’t tease him like that.

“Hey, you know I’m kidding, right?” you ask, nudging his shoulder playfully. “Anyway, I think I’m done. I can’t look at these stupid notes anymore - they’re making even less sense than when we started.”

Suga sighs, rolling his neck and flipping the cover of the textbook shut. “Well I suppose it is getting late. Are you hungry? I can order some take out if you want-”

You shake your head before he can finish, “Nah, can’t tonight. I have a date,” you say, shooting him a wink. “Next time though? When everyone’s free. I feel a little guilty stealing all of your time for a one on one session as it is.”

Suga stills for a moment, glancing up to find you smiling sheepishly back at him. “Oh, a date? With that guy from class?” he asks, busying himself in tidying up the notes spread out across the coffee table. 

That guy from class. Yeah, the one you haven’t been able to shut up about for weeks. That one.

“Yeah. Nothing crazy, just dinner and a movie - still, I think it’ll be fun, y’know?” You were trying for a blasé tone, but somehow you think the slight dusting of pink on your cheeks kind of ruins it a little bit.

So maybe you were a little excited about it - it wasn’t a crime was it?

Suga gives a non-committal hum, but doesn’t say any more on the topic. Together it doesn’t take the two of you long to clean up, gather your notes and stash the snacks back away for the next study session. 

You still have enough time to dart home, have a shower and get ready, but- “Hey, before I go, is it okay if I use your bathroom?” you ask a little shyly. You guys have been friends for months, and you definitely don’t want to come across as rude, but you can’t deny there’s still something slightly embarrassing at having to ask permission.

“Yeah, of course. Down the hallway, last door on the right.”

 You nod, thanking him quietly.  

It’s a simple mistake. At the end of the hallway, there are two identical doors, both closed over.

Last door on the… left? That’s what he said, right?

You twist the doorknob, easing the door open and within a split second you know that you’ve got the wrong door because this is definitely not a bathroom, but…

Curiosity pushes you forward. 

It’s Suga’s bedroom. Your feet move like they have a mind of their own, drawing you in further into his room. You’ve never been to his place before, and you’ve definitely never been in his bedroom before, but you can’t deny that you’re curious. Surprisingly it’s not the mess that you’re expecting - the double bed neatly made and aside from a sweater tossed haphazardly across the back of a chair and a pair of jeans that hadn’t quite made it into the laundry hamper, there’s no dirty clothes littering the floor. 

You know it’s rude to pry. You know that, but in that moment you can’t seem to help yourself. Suga won’t mind, really, and it was an honest mistake.

There’s an acoustic guitar in the corner (does he play it, you wonder) and a volleyball covered in signatures sitting on one of the shelves above his desk. Even now, you know that he loves the sport with his whole heart. You’ve never been to a game before, but part of you thinks you’d like to, Suga always makes it sound so exciting. You find a smile creeping across your face as you wander over to have a closer look - there’s photo’s everywhere, in frames, pinned to a cork board on the wall - him with his family, with his friends, even one of the two of you together… and is that a medal?

You’re startled out of your thoughts by your phone vibrating in your pocket.

It should have been a wake up call, a sign from the universe to snap out of whatever nosy spell you’d managed to find yourself under and get out of Sugawara’s bedroom before he comes in to find you blatantly invading his privacy. It should have been - except instead you reach for your phone and fumble. 

You’re incredibly thankful for the carpeted floor because you can only watch in horror as your phone clatters to the ground and bounces (bounces!) under his bed.

“Shit!” you curse under your breath, dropping to your knees and resting your cheek against the mattress as you reach blindly into the dark space.

It takes a second of fumbling before your hand lands on something. It’s not your phone, you can tell that much right off the bat - it’s bigger, a box of some kind. 

You should have left it. 

Really, Sugawara’s a young, healthy guy like any other - you have an inkling of what could be inside the box. And it’s not like you want to see whatever spank bank material your friend has stashed away, you don’t, but…

But there’s a voice in your head that ignores all of that. A voice that whispers so delightfully, so eagerly, for you to just open it.

Open it, it whispers as you slide it out and set it down on the bed, settling yourself down beside it.

Open it, it whispers as you run your fingers along the wooden lid, sanded smooth except for the intricate carving in the centre. It’s strangely beautiful you think - not exactly the kind of box you can imagine filling with something so lewd.

Maybe it’s not what you think… maybe Suga has something else stashed away in this pretty little box. What else could it be? What does a guy like Sugawara Koushi have hidden away under his bed?

Open it, it whispers as your fingers find the edge and you slowly slide it open.

You immediately wish you hadn’t.

It’s you.

The photo’s a little blurry, taken from a distance and zoomed in, but it’s definitely you, lying in your bed, head thrown back with your eyes closed, bottom lip caught between your teeth-

The sheets obscure the rest, but from the flush on your cheeks and the arm disappearing between your spread legs, it’s obvious what you’re doing. 

There’s more. You with your friends, laughing. You out with your ex, maybe a month or so before you’d broken up. You in your bedroom again, a white fluffy towel wrapped around you, your hair still wet from the shower.

You walking home from class, taken from behind.

You in your favourite cafe, sitting by the window with a steaming mug in hand, staring out with a soft smile.

You tucked up on the couch, eating dinner with the TV playing in the background.

You.

You.

You.

Every single photograph was of you, and every single one of them taken without your knowledge. Pictures of you from last year, long before you ever met Suga. How long has he been-

You can’t even bring yourself to finish the thought. You feel sick, violated, your hands trembling as you flick through the images. You don’t want to see any more, but you can’t seem to stop yourself. You at the park with your friends, walking their dogs and chatting aimlessly. You bending over to pick up something, the shot framing your ass in a way that seems almost… lewd.

When did he take these? H-how had you never noticed?

Oh god, some of these are from outside your home.

Your stomach churns, you might actually vomit… 

“Got lost, baby?”

You jump at the sudden interruption, quickly snapping the lid shut and shoving the little box of horrors away from you like it’s poison, hurried excuses already on the tip of your tongue - but it’s too late for that.

One look at Sugawara, standing framed in the doorway, watching you with an eerily calm expression upon his face and you know that it doesn’t matter what you say. There’s no denying what you’ve seen. 

No coming back from it. 

His eyes drift to the box, the incriminating pictures spilled across his sheets and he sighs. “You know, I wanted to make this special for you. I wanted to do this right.” His hazel eyes flicker back to you as he steps inside his bedroom and shuts the door behind him. The soft click has never sounded so deafening. So final. “But you just couldn’t help yourself, could you? You just couldn’t keep your nose out of where it doesn’t belong.”

Your heart thumps painfully against your ribs, the sound so loud that you’re sure he has to be able to hear it too. It’s not nausea that seeps through your veins, keeping you frozen in place, but fear. Suga’s always been such a gentle presence in your life but there’s no trace of that person left as he closes the distance between the two of you. 

It’s all been a lie, a carefully crafted facade designed to pull you in. Do you even know him at all?

“S-suga, what-”

“Shh,” he murmurs, placing a finger across your lips, a soft, delicate smile playing across his features. “Didn’t your parents ever tell you that curiosity killed the cat?” He pauses for a moment, watching with wicked delight as your face pales and you jerk away from his touch with a strangled gasp. “It’s okay, baby, there’s no need to look so worried. Don’t you know I’d forgive you anything?”

His lips crash against yours before you can even think to reply. 

[majimemegoro]

I love seeing people who also love Mirei, I feel like she doesn't get talked about enough. What are some of your headcanons about her life pre y5, including her relationship with Majima? What do you think she'd be doing if she was still alive?

youre opening a can of worms as bottomless as the orphanage yard, anon. i have SO many headcanons about her life and her relationship with majima. I have a WIP about it (based on one specific facet of the relationship). I also have a Mirei Lives WIP. Finally my Magnum Opus, a novel-length AU WIP (nearing completion), also features Mirei as a main character in some parts.

SO on the one hand I have lots of brain material, but on the other hand I’m reluctant about sharing too much in case it reduces the impact of the creative stuff I have in the works. So I’ll just throw some general thoughts at you, and then a little excerpt :)

DISCLAIMER: IM NOT MAKING ANY STATEMENTS ABOUT ETHICS  IN WHAT FOLLOWS. THE TL;DR OF MY TAKE ON THAT IS: IT WAS A MESSED UP SITUATION, BUT MAJIMA BEARS THE BLAME FOR MARRYING A PERSON SO MUCH YOUNGER.

I think that their relationship was very much one of infatuation - in the 90s theyre both attractive traumatized young people (MIREI YOUNGER THAN MAJMA, OBVIOUSLY) and theyre attracted to each other and each of them can barely see a future, for different reasons, so they dont think about the consequences of getting together. They focus on, like, the exoticism of dating a yakuza, the thrill of dating an idol. They focus on how attracted they are. They try to ignore all of the ways that things could go wrong, the ways that things ARE wrong. Majima ignores the age gap. Mirei ignores majimas terrible habits and destructive behavior.

I think they have similar struggles: Majima is dealing with Shimano, and Mirei is dealing with an abusive manager. Both are coping with incredibly high-stress jobs, and feeling both trapped by and complicit in meaningless and destructive structures that cause them to act in ways they otherwise wouldn’t want to. Both of them are totally, utterly alone, and craving human connection. These commonalities draw them together, but theyre also such terrible commonalities. The shared trauma that helps them understand one another also contributes to Majima and Mirei’s relationship being very unhealthy, because neither of them copes very well. They just don’t have the skills. Having a secret relationship only exacerbates the tensions.

I think they really love each other, truly and deeply, but that the relationship is founded on sex. I think that they fight a lot and are probably mean and horrible to each other a lot. I think that they shouldnt have been married, but I understand why they were. I think if they had met at a better time (one where Majima had some basic support system; one where mirei was no longer working as an idol, and was more mature and firm in her own resolve) the relationship really could have stood a chance. As it went, though, I see their relationship as more of a car crash, more of a these violent delights have violent ends, more of a burning, beautiful, terrible dream. It wasnt gonna work. But dag, if it isnt fascinating to think about.

[theunconcernedembalmer]

what’s the issue with elisop? is it just bc you hc aesop as ace? im so concerned by seeing ppl adamantly opposed to mlm/wlw ships but im also genuinely curious about why you dislike it and other lgbt ships so much lol

hmm. that is a strong accusation, n i find it just a bit odd. are you new here? or perhaps you are taking personal offense at my dislike towards a favourite ship of yours and using the lgbt argument as moral high ground?

whatever the case may be, i thank you for asking. if u r truly looking for an answer, its below the cut n it is very very long. mind u these are all my personal opinions n i am in no way policing how others enjoy ships. just in case this wasnt clear; i dont wish to start discourse on this blog, especially since my takes are probably... unpopular.

firstly i would like to address the “disliking lgbt ships” bit, because this has very strong implications in itself. i have nothing against lgbt ships. i enjoy them, even. if the two characters have chemistry between each other, i ship it. however, the moment characterization is broken for the sake of romance, i lose interest. this is generally my stance on ships in general, n this applies for both straight n lgbt ships. 

the ships themselves are fine. however, i do have issues with the ship dynamics, so ill let u in on that.

i want to touch on mlm ships in particular; i believe u are familiar with the top/bottom dynamic that is rampant in these kinds of ships? (i wont deny that this dynamic can be found in other types of ships, but for arguments sake i will be focusing on gay ships because i feel that this occurs more commonly here) its such a popular dynamic that is prone to stripping the personality from one if not both characters, only for them to be reduced to being dominant/submissive. for a character to be pigeonholed into a stereotypical category based on... preferred sexual positions? its just downright insulting, never mind the larger more problematic implications of it. top/bottom is not indicative of someones personality, by the way. flattening multi dimensional characters into these stereotypes is so so so insulting.

unfortunately this is The Most Popular portrayal of just about any gay ship around. ive seen it being used everywhere in so many fandoms n it just about becomes apparent to me that ppl come to stories looking for a Ship. not the stories, nor the characters, just a ship. while id like to say theres nothing wrong with that, keep in mind not everyone is just looking for 2 characters that look pretty next to each other. if i ship something, i see interesting n meaningful interactions between 2 characters, which is so often not the case once u bring in the top/bottom dynamic. why is it so popular? because somehow this is what ppl like from a gay ship n hence it sells. ppl want the drama, characterizations be damned. ppl want to see the big kiss that happens in the end, n maybe the sexy parts that come after. characterizations be damned.

so u can say im a little wary of gay ships when they cross my feed. hell, as a joseph aesop shipper i see this trope everywhere n im pretty disappointed as well. small tangent but i feel like this is the reason why zh0ngli n ch1lde is so popular in g3nshin. i try to see the appeal, i really do, but after a long while of analyzing their respective characters i dont think they have as much chemistry as ppl think they do. dont even get me started on how incredibly ooc they make either of these very interesting n unique characters in ship portrayals. all because of the top/bottom dynamic that ppl want to see. i say this for that particular ship, but this is pretty much the case for a lot of ships out there, n the latter part is painfully true even when the 2 characters do have potential between each other. ill say it again im disgusted by the blatant disrespect to the characterizations if all ppl ever want is 2 pretty puppets to mush lips together. cos thats what theyre essentially reduced to this way.

n its so obvious to see when an artist subscribes to this rhetoric, because u can so clearly see it in the way they draw their characters. the “top” generally has sharper features to go with their “dominating personality”, while the “bottom” has disturbingly softer, feminine, dare i say sometimes child like features “to submit”. n thats where the uwu soft gay trope comes from, i believe. which, in case u still dont know, i hate with a burning passion.

so again for ppl with impaired reading comprehension, im fine with ships, including lgbt ones, but the moment u break characterization for the sake of the ship, im not that okay with it. u want to do it for a short crack comic? fine. but if thats the only way ur portraying the 2 characters then im immediately wary of ur content. ill still look at it cos usually the art is really good, but im very very wary. so im not “adamantly opposed”, just very critical of how the ships are being portrayed. if other ppl want to enjoy their ships like that, sure. just dont expect me to join in on something i dont agree on.

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now id like to address not shipping “because i hc aesop as ace”. for ppl who are new to the blog (hello there), im an ace in a romantic relationship, so thats definitely not the reason i dont ship elisop. its more of being in a relationship has largely shaped my views towards romance as a whole. even before i met my boyfriend, i hated the romance genre in stories n media. most of it comes off as incredibly forced, especially those love triangles they seem to love putting into teen novels. thats one reason why i stopped reading when i was younger, but i digress.

did i partake in shipping when i was younger? i did. for a gay ship too (if anyone really wants to know, its kurotsukki from haikyuu. at least this was one that i can remember, i was mostly working on my 20 odd ocs for the longest time). i also used to write little short romance ficlets that i never posted anywhere cos i hated (n still do hate) my writing. but writing romance when u dont have experience was really just a way of projecting n probably a way of coping for myself, not that i knew at that time. but after i actually started a relationship with my boyfriend (whom i love n cherish a lot thank u very much), i began to see how much all these have skewed my views towards romance n have actually done some harm to our relationship. the bullshit that the general media feeds u constantly doesnt help in the slightest either.

quick topic shift to elisop in particular (about time, right?). i already stated that i only ship characters if i sense chemistry between the two personalities, n if u have seen the part where i dont ship elisop then u must have seen how agonized i am over not being able to have a concrete personality for eli. that is the main problem i have with elisop: eli does not feel like a solid character to me. n that is a huge problem, because if he doesnt have any defining characteristics besides being mild n nice, then he can be whoever i want him to be. (i have done this in my exorcist comics, i will admit this. n the fact that i can just do that... it really does not sit well with me personally.)

n that is dangerous.

back to young me doing lil ship things. i think its also pretty safe to say when u really do ship 2 characters, chances are u kinda really relate very very hard to at least one of them. that very quickly can turn into projecting, n shipping therefore is not “exploring the relationship between 2 characters” n it becomes “my preferred dating simulator 101″. of course this isnt always the case, but at least it was for me, n subconsciously it might be for lots of ppl too. n since this is ur mental playground, u call the shots, n there is no consequences if u slightly (or even entirely) alter one or both personalities to fit ur desired narrative. n u wouldnt even notice or know, cos ur blind to ur own biasness.

we bring our perceived notions into real life, im sure u know that. so when ur partner does not become that perfect knight in shining armour, or when they get upset at things that u do (which is a very normal thing by the way), n u think (very subconsciously), That isnt what my otp would do, something is wrong here (nothing is wrong, actually its just ur skewed perception of a stable romantic relationship). why wouldnt ur otp do this? because u are both halves of ur otps, there is no hidden secrets between them (apart from the pining part but thats irrelevant), n again they have been altered to fit ur preferred narrative. 

a real relationship requires a lot of communication between parties, because newsflash, liking someone doesnt mean that u have to like every single thing they do, they will make mistakes n it will hurt u, n guess what, the reverse is also true. if u do go with absoutely anything that they would do with 0 objections whatsoever, ur not crushing on someone, ur idolizing them, n that power imbalance is detrimental to a relationship. these things are not obvious to ppl, especially when the whole climate is hell bent on getting into romantic relationships by a certain age or some bullshit. communication is key n is pretty much the only way to solve relationship issues, because the other person has a lot that u r not seeing n vice versa. as similar as 2 ppl can be, i doubt u can have 100% the same thoughts on all things. i dont make the rules.

so in ur mental playground u focus on the fluffy parts, maybe there is communication, but rarely is there any meaningful conflict. thats unrealistic, n if u bring that mindset to an actual relationship, thats not going to end well. i say meaningful conflict, because yes, generally u shouldnt have conflicts with ur significant other. but inevitably when ur with each other for long enough, u will realize that there are habits that u must change in order to be with the other person. habits that are harmful to the other person directly, or harmful habits towards yourself that indirectly harm the other person. these are meaningful in a sense that if left alone, it will manifest into larger problems that will harm u, the other person n the relationship as a whole. its meaningful to the relationship.

all these is made even worse if ur neurodivergent. maladaptive coping practices, self sabotaging behaviours, inherent disabilities. all these must be adjusted n addressed. im so incredibly thankful for my boyfriend for being incredibly patient with me when working all these out, n it has not been easy for me to work on myself n all my problems, n im still not done working on them. this aspect is often not explored in romance in general (or properly), n there is a very good chance i would have still been stuck in the unhealthy mindset of “this isnt like my otp, maybe we’re not meant to be”. because loving someone is a choice. no one is made for each other, it is a conscious choice made between 2 ppl to make things work. this is how arranged marriages work, i am told, n i do see the appeal, not that it actually does appeal to me culturally.

special mention to the kurotsukki ship, cos from there i found a very, very good fic that explored their relationship before n after getting together, n it actually showed aspects of this problem in the incredibly slow burn of (at that time) 20+ chapters. it was just one fic (n a very good one at that, i believe it was called Leviticus), but it had a lesson i never thought i needed to learn, n learn it i did, with a lot of help from my dear. 

this is also probably the reason why i dont really want to delve too much into romance now. i know its a lot of work, n everything (mostly) that the media feeds u is really false advertising, but ppl eat that shit up n so it remains one of the most popular genres to date. im just very wary that if i do start on a romantic story, i want to be able to show it in a way like that fic did, the truths of relationships, because i dont want to make something that sells, i want to make something that meaningful to me, if a little indulgent. n that also includes being very careful in how the respective characterizations will change in a relationship. almost too careful now that i think about it, but its not something that i mind. i was never one for romance from the start, n now im very careful about shipping because of what happened to me persoanlly.

okay enough about me, lets talk about aesop. in any au u put the character in, the essence of the character must remain despite the change in environment. so lets say we have ur typical modern au. dead mom, check. shitty mentor doing illegal stuff? also check. autistic boy with social anxiety? we’re good to go. all these have implications on aesop as a character, n while ppl are aware of this, again the way they go about portraying it can go, in my personal opinion, very wrong. ppl who immediately woobify aesop completely because he has autism annoy me. ppl who reduce him to uwu soft boi cos he has social anxiety do not know how the disorder really works n as someone who has that i hate it to the core. ppl who do all these for the sake of ship have lost my respect. its insulting.

remember the top/bottom dynamic? not that elisop is completely free from that (even if i dont know much about eli, to put him in either one of those stereotypes feels very insulting to his character. i wont even say anything about doing it to aesop its so upsetting), but its not entirely made up of either. but now i want to introduce another trope i am very wary of, which is “i can fix him”. im sure u guys have seen the meme going around poking fun at this trope (for those who havent, its along the lines of “u can fix him? well i can be his worst nightmare”) n no doubt yall would have seen it n gotten sick of it in some forced hetero romantic bullshit. we have one damsel in distress with a saviour that solves all their problems just by existing n being romo with each other.

remember “my preferred dating simulator 101″? this is not mutually exclusive n from my point of view this is dangerously close to this trope. lets be real, if it was actually a thing that all ur deep rooted trauma magically disappears if someone were to waltz into ur life, we would want it. definitely. no painfully dissecting ur own problems n constantly facing them head on. real life states that this is not the case, but it will not stop us from dreaming. n so this trope is born n lives n will go on.

(finally) pulling aesop n eli into this, at least in my mind, u have one severely traumatized boy with lots of issues n u have this. nice mild guy who can be anything u want him to be. i hope u can see where im going with this, n thats the direction i see some elisop heading towards (i dont read a lot of elisop to be fair). if u came from my eli character talk, i mentioned that it is incredibly one sided. this is exactly what im talking about.

putting it all together in case u havent already, aesop is the damsel in distress, whose problems magically disappear because of elis godly kindness n little to no work on improving himself, n they lived happily n gayly ever after.

can u tell how much that does not appeal to me. 

never mind the butchering of character that inevitably happens somewhere somehow, the unrealistically perfect themes n implications of this trope makes me so viscerally uncomfortable. this is, of course, due to personal reasons, n i definitely see the appeal of this dynamic because i would probably have been interested in this once upon a time as well. but as i am now, with everything i have explained up there n everything i have been through, i would politely rather not.

n its difficult to think of another dynamic, because of how little i know about eli apart from him being this saint, which easily makes him a candidate for being aesops trauma panacea. never mind aesop rarely, if ever, does anything for eli as a character in return, n its so damaging to buy into this rhetoric, where a person like this who would solve all ur issues no strings attached exists somewhere in the world. they really dont. a relationship has to be mutually benefitting, or it will be draining n disastrous. maybe u say, Oh its nice to imagine it once in a while. n yeah, i agree, except once in a while is a little difficult to keep track of n that is sort of what happened to me. id rather stay as far away as possible from this kind of unrealistic fantasy, i just got this shit sorted out with myself n my boyfriend.

i have some other reasons, but theyre more personally problematic, so i wont go into them here. but this is mostly n generally why i do not ship elisop romantically. if u do, u do u, and have fun, but again dont expect me to join u. thank u for coming to my ted talk, this took a lot longer than expected.