#incorrectgodfather

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Vito Corleone

Carmela Corleone

Sonny Corelone

Fredo Corleone

Micheal Corleone

Connie Corleone

Tom Hagen

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Sonny: I stopped a murder today.

Vito: Great! How did you do that?

Sonny: Self-control.

Vito: ...

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Michael: Tom is German-Irish, which means he’s not Italian, so he’s really not a part of our family. Also, he’s an orphan so he’s really not a part of his family.

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After Fredo has his lunch stolen.

Tom: Okay, look you wanna hold onto your food? You gotta scare people off. I learned that living on the street.

Fredo: Really?! So, what would you say Tom? Stuff like uh, "Keep your mitts off my grub?"

Sonny: Say Fredo, when you picture Tom living on the street, is he surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?

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Clemenza: Now, believe me boys, you do not want to attract bears into your tent.

Michael: I don’t think there are a lot of bears at Coney Island, Clemenza.

Fredo: I don’t know, I did see a cheetah on the beach once.

Michael: That was a greyhound Fredo.

Fredo: I know what I saw.

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Sonny to Tom: You consider me a sexy man, right?

Tom: I don't know to answer that question.

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At a furniture store

Tom: “No, no, we’re not together. We’re not a couple — we’re definitely not a couple.” Saleswoman: “Oh, sorry.” Sonny: “Wow, you, uh, you seem pretty insulted by that. What, I’m not good enough for you?” Tom: “We’re not gonna have this conversation. Again.”

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Johnny:  Halloween is stupid. Dressing up, pretending to be someone you’re not.”

Don Corleone: You’re an actor????

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At a meeting of the 5 families…

4 families to Don Corleone: Who owns the Irishman?

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Apollonia: “When you’re a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that.” 

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Tom (after finding out his credit card was stolen): “Still… it’s just such reckless spending.” Michael: “I think when someone steals your credit card, they’ve kind of already thrown caution to the wind.” Sonny: “Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.” Tom: “That was me.”

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Kay: Why wouldn’t someone just call the police?

The Corleones: Because that’s not how things work around here, Kay!

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Michael: Whenever I’m about to do something I think ‘would Sonny do that?’, and if he would, I do not do that thing.

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Tom: “Hello? Did you not read F. Scott Fitzgerald in high school?” Sonny: “No, I had sex in high school.”

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Tom to the Corleones: When I was growing up, I didn’t have a normal mom and dad, or a regular family like everybody else, and I always knew that something was missing. But now I’m standing here today, knowing that I have everything I’m ever gonna need… You are my family.

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Sonny: “It’s never taken me a week to get over a relationship.” Connie: “It’s never taken you more than a shower to get over a relationship.”