#incorrect scarab archives quote

[hobbitfalls135]

East: *pointing at the broken coffee machine* So. Who broke it? I’m not mad, I just wanna know.

Cal: …I did. I broke it.

East: No. No you didn’t. Lazarus?

Lazarus: Don’t look at me. Look at Stewart.

Stewart: What?! I didn’t do it!

Lazarus: Huh, that’s weird. How’d you even know it was broken?

Stewart: Because it’s sitting right in front of us, and it’s broken.

Lazarus: Suspicious.

Stewart: No, it’s not!

Lewis: If it matters, probably not, but Hadley was the last one to use it.

Hadley: Liar! I don’t even drink that crap!

Lewis: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Hadley: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Lewis!

Cal: Okay, let’s not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, East.

East: No! Who broke it?

Stewart: East…Gilbert’s been awfully quiet.

Gilbert: REALLY?!

*Everyone starts arguing*

East: I broke it. It burned my hand, so I punched it. I predict 10 minutes from now they’ll be at each other’s throats with ear pain on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Good. Was getting rather chummy around here.

[thescarabarchives]

Hadley: Stewart, my old friend!

Stewart: I think you tried to kill me at some point.

Hadley: That was obviously just my way of getting to know you.

[epicincorrectreckonersquotes]

Regalia: What if there was a way to change your past?

David: And what if rainbows tasted like Skittles?

[ask-the-yj-family]

Jaime: *Has a song stuck in his head*

Scarab: Jaime Reyes! Make it stop Jaime Reyes! This is so annoying Jaime Reyes! Please! At the very least get something else stuck in your head Jaime Reyes!

[thescarabarchives]

The Squad is playing Minecraft together

Delbert: Ooh, a village! You know what that means!

Susan : Hostile takeover?

Hadley : Genocide?

Track : Steal everything!

Delbert: No, I meant-

Isabelle : I didn’t know we would fight the ender dragon this early! A village worth of beds isn’t enough!

Kenneth : WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING?!?!

Delbert: …I was going to say move into the village and become the mayors…

Isabelle : Ohhhh! That sounds like a better idea.

Kenneth : Agreed.

[thescarabarchives]

Gilbert: The scariest president had to be Rushmore because he had four heads.

Delbert: Yeah, it’s a good thing we captured him in that mountain, even if we have to live in fear of the spell wearing off.

Stewart : Do you two still believe in that legend? Come on, Rushmore was killed a hundred years ago! We’re safe now.

Cal: You people have clearly never taken a history lesson. His body was never found.

[thescarabarchives]

Cal: I’m the smartest, wisest person in this group.

Isabelle : Really? Then why is your hand stuck in a vending machine?

Cal: I paid for my Mars Bar, I’m getting my Mars Bar.

[thescarabarchives]

Kenneth : Uh, Susan ? Gilbert is in the pool and I don't think they're waterproof.

Susan : What?

Delbert: I think they meant, Gilbert is drowning.

Susan : WHAT?!

*Meanwhile*

Gilbert: *is drowning*

Stewart : OH MY GOD, GILBERT! KEEP SWIMMING!

Gilbert: I can't swim, dumbass— *sinks*

Stewart : GILBERT!

[thescarabarchives]

Isabelle: What happens if I press the gas and the brake at the same time?

Cal: The car takes a screenshot.

Gilbert: Please pull over. I’m driving now.

[thescarabarchives]

Delbert: Kenneth , you were so wasted last night.

Kenneth : I wasn't that drunk!

Delbert: ...You called a taxi home.

Kenneth : Yeah! It's called being responsible!

Delbert: The party was at your house.

Kenneth: …Crap.

[thescarabarchives]

I’m finally caught up! Expect more incorrect quotes.

[thescarabarchives]

Delbert: What doesn't kill me better start running, because now I'm fucking pissed.

[thescarabarchives]

Hadley: Pardon the intrusion, but- Delbert: On this moment or just my life in general?

[thescarabarchives]

Stewart: Look guys, I need help. Isabela: Love help? Delbert: Financial help? Hadley: Emotional help? Gilbert: Help moving a body? *Everybody looks at Gilbert* Gilbert: What?

[thescarabarchives]

Delbert: It’s time to turn this into a real business. Gilbert: What do you mean? Like, carry a briefcase, and wear a tie, and pay taxes? Stewart: Wait, have you not been paying your taxes? Isabela: I handle our accounting.