#incorrect far cry 5

[trashboyo3891]

Joseph:here my family the deputies that tried to arrest me

John:Oh my god IT'S A WOMEN WITH TATTOOS-

Faith:Oh my god I get to show him my bliss flowers:333

Jacob seeing Pratt:I'mma marry this man and name him peaches

John, Joseph, and faith and Whitehorse and The Marshall: did we hear this shit correctly????

Pratt:Uhh help-

Jacob:nah that man is perfecely safe with me:)

[ms-rampage]

Paige: "Hey nice, what the hell is up with this crossbow shtick?."

Jess: "Its not a fucking crossbow! It's a bow and arrow, I'm not 12!."

Paige (laughs): "I love this chick, she's got rage issues."

Jess: "I don't have rage issues!."

Kate: "You know, psychologically speaking, vengeance rarely brings the catharsis we hope for."

Paige (nods): "Yeah."

[lulu2992]

Junior Deputy: I don’t get it, John! Do you want me dead or alive?! John Seed: Yes.

[221bfakerstreet]

[godlygivenanxiety]

Faith: Where’s John? Jacob: Doing stuff. Faith: I don’t like the sound of that. Where’s Danny? Jacob: Trying to stop John from doing the stuff. Faith: And Joseph? Jacob: Trying to stop Danny from stopping John from doing the stuff. Faith: I see. And what are you doing here, Jacob? Jacob: I’m supposed to stop you from stopping Joseph from stopping Danny from stopping John from doing the stuff.

[temyougood]

Levi to Joseph: "With all due respect, which is none"

[kharnthebetraye]

Joseph- "The Lord may have sent me to lead, but He sure didn't warn me about babysitting."

J/j/f- "Well, technically, you're the one who said you were our father, soooo... deal with it, Dad."

Joseph- "Deputy, I need your hel— …oh for the love of God, not again. Where did you wander off to THIS time?!"

Twenty minutes away

Hurk Jr- "Alright, bro, I say we flip a coin—winner gets to cut ‘em down!"

Sharky- "Nah, man! Rock-paper-scissors—best two outta three!"

Deputy, still hanging upside down: [Internal screaming]

[the-silent-judge]

Deputy: Sometimes, I feel something crawl over me at night...

Jacob: It's the consequences of your actions.

Joseph: The guilt that comes with your choices?

Faith: Past trauma-?

John: Oops, that's me! Sometimes, I sneak into your tent to cuddle!

Source!!

[unkownknowledge]

Joseph Seed: The trick is to not let people know how really weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

Jacob: Absolutely the fuck not, the trick is to immediately let people know how weird you are so you scare off the weak ones. The ones who stay because they like how weird you are? Those are the ones you want.

[incorrectpepperann]

Moose: Yes, I'm Pepper Ann's sister, and no, I don't want to know what she's been up to. It's called plausible deniability.

[trashboyo3891]

The deputy in the bunker with the seed siblings:okay guys what are we gonna eat

Jacob:I already see a meal

Joseph:no Jacob you're not eating the deputy

Faith:Ooh what about fruits?

John:PUSSY-

Joseph:John your grounded

John:YOU AIN'T MY DAD-

[incorrectwatamote]

Mrs. Kuroki: Yes, I'm Tomoko's mom, and no, I don't want to know what she's been up to. It's called plausible deniability.

[221bfakerstreet]

[godlygivenanxiety]

Jacob: Would you slap John- Danny: Yes Jacob: I didn't even finish! Danny: Sorry, continue Jacob: Would you slap John for 10 dollars? Danny: I would do it for free John: Rude…

[lulu2992]

I think the “funniest” part about the Far Cry Wiki’s (incorrect) conclusions that Faith Seed’s real name was Rachel Jessop and that her father was a doctor is that, even though not a single NPC in Far Cry 5 ever says the “nice lady” who owned the Jessop Conservatory and who had “a greenhouse full of orchids” was married or that a man ever lived in her house, the moment people heard “Dr. Jessop”, they immediately assumed the doctor in question couldn’t be the same person and had to be male :’)

[ep2nd]

Incorrect quotes, Empires superhero AU edition. From @pacificwaternymph, go check it out on Ao3 too!

--

Xornoth: I have an idea

Sausage: Does it involve fire?

Xornoth: No

Joey: Does it involve burning something down?

Xornoth: No

Scott: Let's hear it

Xornoth: ARSON

Scott: NO.

--

Lizzie, who is temporarily blind: I'm not trusting my well being in the hands of Fwhip!

Katherine: It's either them or Scott

Lizzie: ...

Lizzie: So what are you doing today, Fwhip?

Scott: Hey!

--

Sausage: In my defense-

Sausage: *punches Fwhip*

Pearl: What was that for?!

Sausage: A good defense is a good offense

Gem: That's not how it works

--

Jimmy: This is a safety pin.

*cuts off end*

Joel: It is now a danger pin.

--

Shubble: Operation no more distractions is a go!

*not even 10 seconds later*

Shubble: Oh, look! A butterfly!

~

Jimmy: Ladies, gentlemen, I want to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld!

Scott: A llama?

Jimmy: No.

Scott: A baby llama?

Jimmy: No!

Scott: A baby llama with a little hat on?

Jimmy: NO!

~

Pearl: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths.

Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.

~

Random Guy: *kicks Jimmy*

Jimmy: *starts crying*

Lizzy: *glares*

Random Guy: Awww what is this lil itsy baby child gonna do-

Lizzy: Your IP address is 157.134.166.42

Random Guy: Wha-

~

Sausage: Pearl, did you know you're my favorite sibling?

Pearl: *narrows eyes* Sausage what did you do no-

Gem: PEARL, SAUSAGE ATE ALL OF MY COOKIES.

~

Katherine: When Gem gets back, we're cleaning the building

The rest of the Alliance: *Looks at each other*

*5 hours later*

Katherine: Where's Gem?

Jimmy: Not back that's for sure

--

Jimmy: Two wrongs don’t make a right.

Scott: *sighs* That’s true…

Scott: But two negatives make a positive!!!

--

Pix, referring to Lizzy and Jimmy: Those guys are dorks.

Katherine: Yes, but they’re my dorks.

--

Pix: You know, people treat me like a god.

Shubble: How?

Pix: They ignore my existence unless they need something.