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muletia · 8 months ago

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[tfp] obsessed!optimus prime x human!reader

summary: you had to go on a business trip. optimus doesn't take it too well

cw: obsessed!optimus, hardcore pinning, angst, i wanted to practice writing dialogues and it shows lmao

word count: 1800

an: i want you guys to know that i am reading EVERY reblog and comment from you swirling my hair and kicking my legs like a schoolgirl

you are so real for that anon

When you, out of your own free will, expressed the desire to join him on patrol, Optimus was overjoyed. You rarely got the chance to be together, just the two of you, always consumed by work or saving the world. And although Optimus wouldn’t dare ask you outright to accompany him on patrols (because the last thing he wanted was to make you feel uncomfortable), he deeply longed to spend more time with you alone. He knew he was feeding only his own illusions, fueling the machinery of madness, but by this point, he couldn’t stop. Not when you sat comfortably on his seat, gazing at the views outside the window, visibly content with your outing together.

He wanted so badly for this to be your everyday reality. Maybe then he could finally find some relief from his fixation, maybe you would even save him.

"Hey," you started, and his entire attention focused on you. "Actually, I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a while."

Oh.

Did your feelings match his? Did you feel affection for him as well? Had you noticed his suffering? Or maybe you wanted to reject him, once and for all, to make him understand that his passion was an illusion, that no matter how much he wanted it, the two of you could never be together — too incompatible, too different. That he had developed this coping mechanism, exhausted by the war.

But before Optimus could spiral further, you crushed his hopes.

"The company I work for is sending me on a business trip," you sighed, clearly dissatisfied with the news. "It’s supposed to take two weeks, but you never really know with these trips, especially since they’re sending me across the continent."

"I understand," he replied, his tone not betraying the turmoil within. "What does this business trip involve?"

"Oh, shoot, sorry! I should have explained that right away," you laughed casually as if you hadn’t just delivered news that shattered his spark. "Business trip is assigned by an employer for training sessions, conferences, exhibitions, and other boring stuff. Kind of like a mission, but without explosions, action, or danger."

It was good to hear that you’d be safe, though you would truly be safest only at the base, under his watchful optics.

Pessimistic, ugly thoughts churned in his processor. Of all the things he expected to hear from you, this wasn’t one of them. Suddenly, he feared being alone, feared his own dreams. Because he knew you wouldn’t be there to comfort him after a nightmare, and nothing else could bring him peace.

"I am sorry to hear we will not see each other for two weeks," he said, "but I am confident you will do exceptionally well on this assignment. You are dependable, unyielding. You can handle anything."

"Oh, thank you," you answered, a bit flustered. You hadn’t expected a compliment. "It just makes me sad to leave Jasper. I don’t say it often enough, but I have a wonderful time with all of you. With you."

"Likewise, [Name]. When are you leaving?"

"The day after tomorrow. Tomorrow after work, I’ll say goodbye to everyone else."

So soon. Too soon. He’d hoped you wouldn’t leave until next week, to at least give him time to mentally prepare for the separation, but you denied him that luxury. Not that any amount of time would have prepared him for this.

Slowly, subtly enough that you wouldn’t notice the change, he reduced his speed, prolonging your shared drive.

"I’m not sure I’ll have time to write," you warned. "Unfortunately, they’ve given me a really tight schedule. But! If I can, I’ll write to the kids. Oh, and expect some souvenirs — I’ll bring something back for you all."

"You do not need to spend your valuable time searching for trinkets. But if you insist, I will cherish anything you bring me."

"Aw, don’t worry—it’ll be no trouble." You waved your hand dismissively. "You do so much for me, for the kids, for the whole Earth without asking for anything in return. You deserve something nice."

"I do not protect your planet for glory or offerings."

"I know, I know. That’s very noble. And amazing. So many years, sticking firmly to your values."

He eagerly soaked up your praise, allowing himself, if only for a brief moment, to forget the world around him, to forget his duties, unfulfilled promises, fallen brothers and sisters. He’d never describe himself as 'amazing', nor did he believe the praise his own kind gave him about his greatness. But for you, he could believe it. If only for a moment, a few seconds, so that you’d leave on your mission thinking warmly of your time together and of him.

"Thank you, [Name]. Please know that I value your words tremendously."

"Oh," you blushed, "that’s nice to hear."

Embarrassed, you quickly changed the subject, unaware that Optimus was watching you closely, curious about your reaction. For now, he pushed thoughts of your departure to the back of his processor, wanting to fully enjoy your presence. You recommended songs from the country genre, one of his favorite discoveries on Earth, which he promised to listen to later. He knew well that this would lead to more daydreaming, imagining a future that would never be. Because no matter how hard he tried, his tomorrow would not be entwined with yours. His desires would forever remain mere fantasies born out of desperation, longing, and sorrow.

A week had passed since you left. In the lives of the Autobots, not much had changed because of your absence; they went on with their chaotic schedule. The kids, however, missed you. No more evenings spent helping them with their homework, working on your reports, playing games, or simply chatting. The worst part was that no one really knew what was going on with you. You rarely messaged, didn’t have time to talk, and when you did, it was just to say, "I’m alive, it’s boring, I’ll message you on Thursday." Life continued, despite how much Miko wished she could play games with you instead of doing her homework.

Everyone managed to adapt to your absence.

With one exception.

At first glance, it seemed like Optimus, the bot with whom you shared the closest bond, hadn’t been affected by such a drastic change. Nothing in his behavior indicated any longing. He didn’t express his opinion on the matter, didn’t ask, didn’t demand. As always, he buried his feelings deep within, playing the role of a diligent leader, hiding from everyone the nightmares running through his processor, now even more intense because of your absence.

He was withering, quietly and alone.

Until now, he had been content simply watching you. He had established a routine, unhealthy as it was, that kept him going. He knew that most of the time when he returned from patrol or a mission, you would be at the base. Even if you came every other or every third day, Optimus knew that eventually, you would show up. It gave him a sense of stability amidst the chaos surrounding him. But now? Maybe two weeks wasn’t a big challenge for you, but he was done after one.

Now, he wanted to be more than a passive observer. He craved physical contact, to hold you close, to feel your heartbeat against his metal. He wanted to know you were alive, to feel your pulse under his digit, to listen to its rhythm, to understand how your chest moved against his metal. He wanted to feel, taste, touch, enter.

He kept glancing at the spot on the couch where you usually sat with your laptop on your lap or spent time with the kids as if hoping that if he looked just one more time, you would materialize there. That everything would return to normal, that he wouldn’t suffer so much, that you would give him the daily dose of antidote he needed to function without plunging deeper into despair. But no matter how many times he looked, you weren’t there, and wouldn’t be for another week.

At some point, however, someone noticed their leader’s miserable mood.

"I can’t quite figure out what kind of bond you have with that woman," Ratchet said, pausing his work to look at Optimus. Before his friend could answer, he continued, "But she’ll be back soon. And whatever she’s doing, she’ll do it well. She’s tough."

"Thank you, old friend. I have no doubt in her abilities. But I would feel better if she were stationed closer to the base in case of a Decepticon attack."

"Mm-hmm," the medic scoffed. "Sure, that’s all it’s about."

Optimus had no response to that. He wasn’t surprised that Ratchet noticed his infatuation, but he would prefer that his friend not delve into the details of their relationship. At least, not yet. Not while Optimus himself was a wreck.

"Hey, hey! [Name] messaged!" Miko yelled.

The Autobot leader immediately approached the platform, finally abandoning his conversation with Ratchet, aware that it would only spark more suspicions. But he didn’t care anymore, not in such an important moment.

He stood directly behind Miko, with Bumblebee and Bulkhead beside him, equally curious to know what you had been up to over the past week.

"She sent photos, too! Look!"

Miko turned to show the messages to the others but paused when she noticed Optimus’s helm close to her.

“Whoa,” she whispered, surprised that out of all the bots, he was the one standing the closest. She swallowed, but her confidence quickly returned.

Holding her phone firmly, she displayed a close-up selfie of you. You were smiling, though the bags under your eyes betrayed that you were sleep-deprived, probably exhausted.

Optimus felt the accumulated stress, pain, and longing of the past week slowly dissipate. Everything was fine with you. You were alive, pushing forward with a smile on your face, happy to simply exist. Admiring your photo didn’t compare to seeing you in person, but it let him vent a little easier, granting him a brief respite from worry, gnawing at him from within. It was enough. For now. For a moment.

“She sends her regards to everyone,” Miko went on, “Oh, and she also asked Ratchet to take a break and mentioned she already bought a gift for Optimus and can’t wait to come back. Hey, I want a present, too!”

Optimus couldn't be certain if another week apart wouldn’t inflict even more damage on his processor and spark, or if longing would eventually consume him entirely. But he knew he was already lost, that you held sway over every aspect of his life. He was wrapped around your finger, tethered by a leash you didn’t even realize existed. And he didn’t mind one bit.

#transformers #transformers x reader #optimus prime x reader #optimus x reader #tfp #obsessed!optimus

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thanatika · 3 months ago

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I want to know about comphet dankovsky

the people clamor for comphet dankovsky. well alright.

this might be a little long and disjointed, but i'll try to explain my full thought process. it'll be long and very off-topic.

as a tl;dr, the basic #1 reason i have this headcanon: it fits very well with how seriously repressed dankovsky seems to be, especially in P1, and especially when it comes to love:

of course, it's not just love — he also acts deeply uncomfortable whenever the topic of mental illness comes up, or whenever someone cries in front of him. but this just goes to show that emotional repression and denial seem to be standard coping techniques that he falls back on. (this is reinforced by the quarantine DLC, where apparently one of the devs has said that the bodies of bandits he kills disappearing is meant to represent him dissociating and repressing it.)

this coping mechanism is also lampshaded in the changeling route, where the npc bachelor makes an impressive discovery — he figures out that he's a doll all on his own, and then decides that this is the lesson to derive from it:

"the essence of my discovery", indeed. it's a little unclear what he means by "deny yourself" — deny his true nature as a mere toy, and the corresponding mental breakdown that would understandably accompany that? or maybe it's to deny his own self fulfillment of what he actually wishes to pursue. clara's next conversation with him is their last one, in the cathedral, and even right at the end, he's still conflicted by his own desire to preserve the town (which is supported by his own route, where he's given dialogue options that imply an intention to save it even on day 12):

which, notably, he connects to allying with the haruspex, an option he immediately discounts because "the only thing artemy wants" is related to his love interest, aglaya. (honestly, the way dankovsky talks about artemy in relation to aglaya at the end of all three routes is really easy to read as some kind of incredibly jilted unrequited love triangle. but that would make this post twice as long, so anyway.) clara's exchange with dankovsky in the cathedral ends with this:

test failed! but why is this the wrong answer? and why does clara interrupt him to guess what he's going to say? well, it's actually a little meta moment, a reference to the fact that clara is imbued with more awareness than the other player characters, to the point of having some knowledge of previous routes. the player-as-changeling predicts that he's driven by love, because the player-as-bachelor can admit exactly this to artemy, during their cathedral conversation in the bachelor route:

aside from the loaded daniil-artemy-aglaya dynamic, it stands out to me that the only way dankovsky can bring himself to admit aloud to being "driven by love" is if the player controlling him prompts him to. he won't do it on his own. he won't be a great talker right now, especially on this topic.

though to be fair, he does say "i love the polyhedron" to clara, which has some significance as well. dankovsky sympathizes with the polyhedron, makes an emphatic defense for it being "worthy of love". his affinity for it is more obviously connected to the fact that he sees it as something that defies the laws of inevitability, as something similar to his own work, as he explains to the inquisitor: "I feel slightly envious. Like me, its creator has tried to break through to where men are not allowed. But, unlike me, he succeeded." and therefore, a miracle worth preserving. but the polyhedron itself is a product of love — peter's love for nina — and is spoken about in terms of love by peter himself:

the polyhedron loves, but it's a doomed, unrequited love, incompatible with life. dankovsky's dialogue options about the polyhedron by the end game are a mixed bag: sometimes he talks about it in these romantic terms, sometimes he's much more practical in his defense of it, hyping up its antiseptic properties. probably it's a way of allowing the player to choose what they think, but it may also serve to emphasize dankovsky's hesitance to express this emotional aspect of his sympathy for it. but it does seem like the doomed nature of the polyhedron is a major point of sympathy to him. the same goes for the utopians in general, according to the letter he sends to the haruspex declaring his allegience:

which gets to the topic of how the concept of dankovsky and compulsory heterosexuality relates to the utopians.

for that, i first have to point out something that i don't really see people talk about ever: the way that sexuality in general is moralized by the three different factions in the game.

the utopians are the most obvious about this: they're kind of debauched, aren't they? at least by socially conservative standards which place procreative heterosexuality and traditional gender roles as the ideal. all of the canonical lgbt characters fell under the utopian banner at some point: bisexuals andrey and eva, lesbian yulia. even beyond sexuality in those terms, you can see non-normative sexuality in things like eva's polyamory, the somewhat inverted gender roles of victor and nina's relationship (which is said to have been a common topic of gossip among the townsfolk), the fact that maria seems intent to either follow her mother's path as a non-traditional wife or to forgo a marriage partner altogether, the uncomfortably enmeshed dynamic between andrey and peter, simon and georgiy's lack of heirs. the utopians have been stated in developer interviews to be a (not particularly sympathetic) metaphor for social revolutionary movements, which often incorporated progressive thinking in terms of sexuality and gender. so i think that's where this comes from, although it does also feel a bit "sexual deviance as a signifier of immorality". the classic gay disney villain trope.

and the humbles feel even more like they're playing into that trope. in addition to yulia, their ranks include aspity and bad grief — who i would be tempted to include in the list of canonical lgbt characters, considering aspity's comments about women's bodies and the suggestive comments that bad grief can make towards both the bachelor and the haruspex. it's also worth noting that the only thing separating the humbles from the utopians, at least as far as the humbles are concerned, is that the humbles are repenting sinners while the utopians are ultimately unrepentant. alexander and katerina saburov also fail to live up to heteronormative standards, because their union is non-procreative, but at least they have the decency to be wringing their hands over this. and this view of utopians as unsaved humbles is why clara spends half of her quests trying and failing to convert various utopians to the cult of humility.

with all of that going on with the other two factions, the termites are starkly different in comparison. the termites are a faction of children, so there's not much about actual sexuality, thank god, but their whole deal is shockingly heteronormative nonetheless. the termites, at the end of the game, are preoccupied with setting up traditional arranged marriages with each other under the guidance of capella:

(note to patho2 heads: this is classic where "artemy adopts sticky and murky in particular" isn't really a thing. still weird with how much younger murky is, but khan and capella do have the same age gap in classic. so i think this is all meant to be read as a childish playacting of the sorts of political arranged marriages that were once more commonplace, or it's just the problematic game being problematic.)

overall, they seem rather unenthusiastic about these future marriages. capella refers to her future engagement with khan as "the saddest" thing she has to do and "self-abnegation", while sticky is more casually disappointed by his future options. artemy is also the only healer to have an implied love interest reward tied to choosing his ending — you could argue the same for dankovsky and maria, but this is disproven by word of god and the bachelor's absence from his own ending cinematic — a heterosexual love interest, of course. because this is a big part of what the termite ending represents: it's framed as "new beginnings", but "new beginning" is really just a return to tradition. to the perpetuation of normative social values, the lack of any scary social upheaval. the Law. just look at how the inquisitor, the biggest proponent of the termite ending aside from capella, describes how the Law relates to self-discovery:

"an attempt to cognize oneself is a provocation" is interesting phrasing when compared with dankovsky's "self-denial is the meaning here" discovery from the same route. i used the sloppy 2005 translation because it includes a whole additional sentence that was cut from the remaster, so i'll also share the 2005 version of that self-denial exchange. rather than say "It's only fitting that you should reject" your nature, clara's retort to him was originally more explicit in putting a religious morality on human nature, and his in particular:

but i'm getting sidetracked. the main point i have in breaking down how sexuality is moralized between the different factions is to point out that for one, dankovsky's affinity with the utopians allies him with a group that is portrayed as debauched by conservative standards of sexuality, which to me has always been an indicator in headcanoning him as gay, secondary to, you know. things that he says. but the fact that he never fully joins the utopians is part of why he seems so repressed to me.

the fact that he doesn't appear in his own ending cinematic (it's more like maria's ending cinematic, really) has been confirmed to be intentional, and even on the last day of the game, his dialogue options towards his bound imply a certain amount of discomfort with them. the one exception might be peter, but dankovsky's final conversation with peter has two ending options: to say that the utopians and their future town are doomed to fail, or to support peter's vision but express regret that the cost of supporting him is bringing "a gang of criminals and scoundrels" into power.

part of dankovsky's schism with the utopians, imo, is that they go "too far" — they're "too weird" for him, is what was said when someone asked in a forum why he doesn't appear in the utopian ending, iirc. and there's something to be said for how the utopians are portrayed overall as very personally liberated, egoist, a bit hedonistic in some cases... and then dankovsky, who appears very buttoned down and whose dialogue options at times lean more towards agreement with alexander saburov than with the kains on the issue of town management — very law and order. it's an interesting contradiction to his character overall: someone who's so invested in breaking natural laws, in breaking laws of inevitability, but who still makes emphatic statements about enforcing law and order in the town, who still seems invested in performing and projecting a certain kind of social respectability.

the bachelor route day 2 conversation with andrey about "unnatural orifices" is one of the best encapsulations of this imo, so i'll break the whole conversation down to try and explain.

the conversation starts off with andrey offering booze to dankovsky, and calling him a "prisoner of science" — the first of what will become an ongoing pattern throughout the game in which dankovsky's scientific "rationality" is referenced as something that limits him, either by leaving him cold and heartless or by skewing his mindset so that he can't see beyond his institutional academic perspective.

dankovsky turns the conversation to what he wants to complain about — the town's local traditions inconveniencing his work — but andrey takes it as an opportunity to start talking about the "intimacy" of making holes in bodies, including in a sexual context. andrey as a character likes to be provocative, dankovsky's options are various levels of discomfort, disinterest, and dismissiveness. (if there's one thing you can't accuse him of, it's "locker room talk" — he responds with similar discomfort when peter tries to gossip to him about katerina sleeping with taxidermy, or tries to tell him about the sexualized naked women he hallucinates when aglaya visits his loft).

he tries to dismiss andrey's crude line of thinking, which is criticized as an appeal to capital social mores. and then andrey starts talking about unnatural holes.

don't get me wrong, this conversation is about murder — and, by way of metaphor, the polyhedron, which was created by puncturing an unnatural hole in the body of the earth. but andrey beginning the conversation by talking about sex, combined with their university acquaintanceship alluded to in their first conversation (getting in bar fights together and everything) leads me to read a secondary double entendre into this conversation. not to mention andrey's canonically implied bisexuality, some of which is likely inspired by the character taking inspiration from benvenuto cellini, a bisexual renaissance-era sculptor who was repeatedly prosecuted for sodomy. dankovsky accuses andrey of "creating unnatural holes in bodies", which has been linked to dissection, murder, and sex from the start of the conversation.

andrey makes a vague reference to the fact that he did possibly kill someone with a pencil — the earth, via his insane architectural designs — but it's "just a theory". phew. then he swiftly changes the subject before dankovsky can ask too many questions, and ends the conversation by making another invitation for dankovsky to join him in drinking and debauchery. "no need to restrict ourselves", etc.

i'll note that an invitation to drink together is levied again at dankovsky a little later by eva, and in that case is explicitly implied to be an invitation to sleep together. in both instances, dankovsky wants nothing to do with it. his first option is to tell andrey to go right ahead and drink alone — enjoy your liver damage, buddy, couldn't be me. his second option is to accept the drink... but not in public. either way, being told to "open up everything that's supposed to lie hidden under wraps" is dankovsky's cue to leave the conversation.

a reach? yes, but that's how i interpret the subtext of these conversations as they relate to dankovsky's repression and his view of the utopians.

honestly, i've made the case for him being homosexual and repressed here more than i've made the case for him to be engaging in compulsory heterosexuality. so i'll end by pointing out that while i've typically seen people headcanon a character as comphet to explain a canonical "hetero" relationship or attraction they express, there isn't much like that going on with dankovsky to talk about, at least in classic.

sure, he has some dialogue options with women in classic that are flirtatious, but it never seems like the dialogue is leaning the player more towards picking those options than not picking them — there are just as many options to express disinterest in women being attracted to him, and sometimes they're the only response options, which makes me more inclined to view those as "canonical". so, really my headcanon comes more from this view of him as rather repressed, and specifically that messy contradiction of his character in desiring to move past societal restrictions while also never fully letting go of his own, the fact that he seems to feel the need to "prove himself" by society's standards. and, well, his practicality. his study of thanatology seems to have left his reputation in the capital somewhat smeared, likely due to the connotations with necromancy and violating the natural order. i could see him attempting to salvage his reputation somewhat by trying to prove that he's totally a perfectly normal guy who can be in socially normative relationships, and not just some weird academic radical.

pathologic 2 and marble nest don't say much for or against this, aside from dankovsky's "I never even told her how I felt…" voiceline, which is likely about eva. but we don't know enough about the context or their relationship, and will likely have to wait until pathologic 3 to find out.

though, i will say that the quarantine DLC had an exchange that i'm taking as ammunition for this headcanon:

guy who invents a hypothetical wife just for a hypothetical scenario where he has to give up that wife. and then is immediately told by his close female colleague that """given the way he lives""" he'll never have a wife... okay.

okay that's it. congrats if you made it this far into my rambling haha.

#asks #anonymous #sighs. sorry tumblr #pathologic #patho meta #mine

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mercurymusing · 2 years ago

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3. Sometimes things just don't work with certain combinations of people! Maybe when you're on your own a junk table with a bowl to drop mail and keys in will work great, because you can keep on top of your own stuff without worrying about losing other people's stuff! Maybe a filing rack for mail works better when you live with roommates! Maybe it's actually worth it to do up a grocery list every week and sort your fridge and cabinets, when you know nobody will mess it up! Maybe meal kits are a better idea, when you have a shared kitchen and need some help with planning! Maybe you'll realize you're living with someone that doesn't mind doing all the dishes, as long as they get to do it their way and you do the cooking!

Different living situations may call for different ways of doing things, even if you've been taught or discovered ways that have worked in the past. It can be frustrating, but it's okay. Stay humble, stay excited, stay flexible.

For any followers of mine still living with parents, guardians, family, or even just with roommates and who've never lived alone and/or fully on your own terms (whether ye be 16 or 60), I have TWO pieces of wisdom for you for when you eventually do:

You WILL discover that you were wrong about some shit you felt pretty strongly about before. Maybe you never realized how often your mom ACTUALLY cleans the bathroom and it turns out she asked for help really rarely. Maybe, much as it grates to admit, putting $50 into a different savings account every paycheck really IS the ONLY way to save any fucking money. Maybe that big rolling trashcan you resented your roommate putting in the kitchen, and got in that big fight about, really WAS super convenient and now you have to buy one for yourself after they move out and take it with them. Maybe blanching vegetables so they retain their color when cooked actually DOES enhance a meal, pretty food slaps actually, and the reason you didn't think it was worth the effort is because you were depressed.

You WILL also discover new shit that works SO much better for you than everything you'd been taught. Maybe you'll discover that dropping trash off at a recycling center at your convenience works way better for your brain than getting it picked up on a set day. Maybe you'll realize you don't actually hate tofu, you just hate how your family cooks tofu. Maybe you'll love being able to walk around the house naked whenever you want. Maybe you'll find you thrive in a space with giant framed nude photography, or taxidermy animals, or fandom themed Everything. Maybe you'll realize that keeping the thermostat set like 5 degrees colder (or hotter) than is typical makes you sleep better than you ever have before in your whole life.

The point of this wisdom is: Stay humble, but also, stay excited. There's no point pretending you weren't wrong about shit you were wrong about, just eat the crow and move on. But also, there's so much to look forward to about your own space-- even more than you could ever imagine when you don't have it yet.

#living in a house of diagnosed and undiagnosed adhd is hell when nobody respects your coping mechanisms and systems #and you're also incompatible with the messy organic solutions they've developed over time

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epiphainie · 7 months ago

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i think one aspect of buck's characterization that people don't talk about much is that he will bury his head in the sand. he avoided acknowledging that abby wasn't coming back for an entire season. he avoided acknowledging his and taylor's incompatibility for just as long. his entire coping mechanism with his lifelong feeling that he wasn't wanted was to seek out momentary bursts of being wanted in one night stands. his immediate reaction to eddie leaving for texas is to pretend he feels all fine with it. buck is not really a guy who will intentionally disrupt the status quo when pretending there's nothing wrong is right there, that's his way of self-preservation. what i'm saying is buck not dealing with the realization that he's queer when he's nominally happy and having the time of his life with tommy is pretty in character. buck not questioning tommy's past or asking questions that could potentially lead to some damaging of this happy bubble is also in character. it's not the only writing choice that can be in character, there's no one true answer to characterization, but it's also not ooc

#i kinda think this is smth buck needs to get over and this way of treading is why his relationships never reach the status of “serious”#im not saying this as an expectation from the show btw just my character meta that works for my fics etc.#mimi.txt #bucktommy #911

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zvtara-was-never-canon · 1 month ago

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https://www.tumblr.com/teaandcrowns/784888323271540736/i-think-there-is-a-lot-of-merit-to-the-point-of?source=share

I'm interested to know what do you think about this?

The irony of Zutarians pretending people act like ZUKO is an "imperfect" victim while Aang is the "pure" one when half the shitty, shallow readings of the story, including zutara nonsense, consist of downplaying, or full on erazing, all the bad things Zuko did and all the ugly signs of trauma and bad coping mechanisms he showed during the show, while acting like Aang is the devil for going "I'm literally 12 and didn't sign up to be your unpaid executioner, please stop ignoring my objections to murdering a man just because I'm being FORCED to be the chosen one."

Now, let me be clear, I fully believe that Bryke's opinion that Zuko and Katara would be a "dark" ship and that people who like it are doomed to only have bad, toxic relationships is bullshit... but let's not act like Zuko wasn't one of their favorite characters, that they put the most care into writing, from day one.

And let's not erase the fact that Zutarians act like Zuko was being oh so supportive and "accepting the real Katara" in The Southern Raiders, when in the actual episode he literally only wants to help her get revenge because she hates his guts and he feels entitled to her forgiveness and friendship, and doesn't take a second to think about the psychological consequences this will have on her. It's only near the end of the episode that he's actually empathizing with Katara, and thus understanding why she chose not to kill Yon Rah after all.

AND let's not pretend that this episode, that was approved by Bryke, didn't do something incredibly gross by going "Oh, Katara is not mad at Zuko for, ya know, supporting genocide and joining Azula, thus helping the Fire Nation essentially win the war, dooming the whole world and leading to Katara's best friend dying right before her eyes, she's UNFAIRLY angry at him due to PROJECTION of a different trauma just because he's from the Fire Nation."

Once again, I don't agree that Zutara would be inherently toxic, just incompatible. But considering this bullshit they approved of? If Bryke had made it canon they ABSOLUTELY would have made it a deeply toxic relationship that would NEVER be acknowledged as such due to their obvious bias of "Everything is okay when Zuko does it."

And that's the criticism people throw at zutarians. They write this ship as a super unhealthy, toxic dynamic, and not only try to pass it off as secretly healthy and empowering instead of just embracing the chaos, but also try to use "They both lost their moms! (nevermind that Zuko's mother is alive" or "Zuko was going with her on this murder mission that would have absolutely messed them both up for life, just so he could get what he wanted" as proof of true love instead of codependency and, yes, trauma bonding.

Zutarians need to get over their bullshit "This is the empowering, feminist, mature ship" complex and just admit "This is unhealthy, but it's fun to write/read and I like exploring that dynamic." No need for demonizing Aang, or pretending the fandom and writers don't put Zuko up on a pedestal, and especially no need of going "If you talk shit about Zutara tropes, you're the kind of person that hates survivors and is biased against sex workers"

(Seriously, where the fuck did that comparison even come from?)

#anti zutara

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anistarrose · 7 months ago

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random thought but I don't think Lup and Barry taking their sweet time to get together is necessarily inherently indicative of repressed feelings or emotional constipation. with respect to emotional constipation in particular, I don't think that's an inherently wrong or out-of-left-field interpretation — for example, it's certainly not out of character for Lup to have trouble vocalizing feelings to her loved ones, and this is by her own admission — but to me personally, I never really interpreted it as a major factor in the timeline of her relationship with Barry.

or maybe, it would be more accurate to say: specifically in canon, I don't think it's implied that some unhealthy denial of feelings, or lack of communication in a seriously unhealthy and repressed way, is a significant reason Lup and Barry take a long time to properly get together. I don't think it's implied that anything like that was a defining feature or otherwise major theme of their relationship, particularly their relationship between the development of mutual feelings and the "talk" at Legato. because seeing the way that Griffin's monologue talks about their relationship developing, during that period:

"This new love, it wasn’t their focus during the journey. Barry worked tirelessly to understand each world you traveled to, to understand the Hunger and figure out a way to defeat it. Lup grew furiously in arcane power, studying the mystical secrets of the planes, hoping to master whatever spell would break your team out of their desperate retreat. But there were moments between those studies, meals shared in secret, just the two of them under the guise of their work, sightseeing trips for two across these doomed worlds. (...) Looking back, this performance is where that love that Barry and Lup cultivated quietly and cautiously over the last half century truly bloomed."

first, Barry and Lup are depicted with very understandable reasons to prioritize other missions, and other personal growth. it's not impossible to read this as a sign of repression, and in fact, I'd be shocked if neither of them ever threw themself into their work as a maladaptive coping mechanism for something, relationship-related or not — but staying focused on matters of life, death, and the multiverse's continued existence hardly needs repression or emotional constipation as a motivation or impetus.

moreover, I would argue Griffin's monologue doesn't actually frame Lup and Barry's priorities here as an unhealthy work-life balance. Griffin, as narrator, doesn't take a morose or otherwise negative tone when he discusses Barry and Lup's studies — there's even this laugh in his voice as he describes Lup growing "furiously" in power, one that seems meant to lead the audience to a sense of joy and pride. and if Griffin meant to convey these priorities as unhealthy, I think he also would use much different language to describe the time Lup and Barry still spent together — but in fact, their budding relationship is not framed as an incompatibility with their work; it's framed as something that occurs alongside their work, and in addition to it.

and this approach Lup and Barry have to spending time with each other, growing closer? it's described as a love that they "cultivate, quietly and cautiously." it's very specifically active, not passive. they're not running away from each other — they're also not rushing ahead, they're still "cautious," but they're importantly choosing to spend time together. it's something that they mutually want. they are, by and large, for the majority of the time pre-relationship, not avoidant of each other. they are willing to act on their feelings, in a way that's short of entering a relationship — but acting on them, meaningfully, nonetheless.

and could poor communication play a role in this? of course. but what if the main, driving factors in the time they take to get together are actually just... both of them being comfortable taking a long time to get together? comfortable balancing the time they spend with each other with their research to stop the Hunger? comfortable, more comfortable than the alternative would make them, with cultivating their love slowly, not officially confessing or dating until they're ready?

after all, as Taako reminds Barry, and Barry presumably takes to heart — the whole crew, they have all the time in the world. Taako tells Barry that he and Lup don't have to panic, don't have to rush — so naturally, Barry and Lup use the time they have. and they're not necessarily champions of talking about their feelings, but taking their time isn't framed as inherently unhealthy, either. given that they're depicted as cautious, and as nervous — on the beach cycle, before getting Taako's advice, in Barry's case, and in Legato, right before the duet, in Lup's case? the ability to take as much time as they need might even be freeing to them.

anyways. I've enjoyed, and to some extent, even written fics and other fanworks where Lup and Barry's pining bleeds over into angst, brought about by an inability to talk about their emotions. again, I don't think that's inherently out of character. but part of the reason I don't think it's OOC is because — at least in non-AUs — there's 30 years between Lup and Barry's feelings becoming unambiguously mutual (the robot cycle, where Lup "knew"), and the two of them getting together (Legato).

30 years is enough time for a lot of variation, in relationships and in people. a lot of bumps that don't define the relationship in entirety, over all of that timespan.

so. I just don't think Lup and Barry spend those whole 30 years angsting because of miscommunication and emotional constipation, that's what I'm saying. all I'm saying, really. I took a truly ridiculous amount of time to say that, in hindsight. but I'll do anything for a reason to think about Blupjeans.

#taz #taz balance #taz balance spoilers #blupjeans #lup taaco #barry bluejeans #taz meta #long post #basically just like. as an aro give me all the characters with unconventional relationships with romantic love #gimme all the characters who are only interested in romantic relationships under certain circumstances #whether they're written or interpreted as aro or not. i want to hoard them all like a dragon

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terrifying-acceptance · 23 days ago

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gOD THE CONFLICT BETWEEN RAGATHA AND JAX IS SO WELL DONE I'M SCREAMING

(spoilers for tadc episode 5 under cut)

so (IN MY OPINION) Jax's whole deal is that he wants control/autonomy. That's why he was so freaked out when he discovered that his tail was missing, or when Caine turned him vegan, it was a loss of his control over his situation.

So, when he's placed in a forever nightmare circus where the threat of going insane and abstracting is always looming and his (maybe only) friend was killed? And there's nothing he can do about it? He sees there's a HUGE loss of control on his end of the situation! And what does he do? He creates situations where he does have control.

THAT'S WHY HE'S SUCH AN ASSHOLE!! He hates having no autonomy in situations, so he intentionally creates conflict so he can have control over other people's situations and reactions instead of addressing the issue that's bothering him. He doesn't have any control over himself or his surroundings so he tries to have control over the people around him, by being a dick.

All of that is super interesting on its own and the fact that Gooseworx was able to tell the audience (me) that in a single episode is even more impressive, but let's talk about RAGATHA (again this is all MY OPINION)

Ragatha's manner of dealing with problems is significantly different from Jax's. Growing up in a (presumably) abusive household, she was probably at the tail end of conflict and learned that the only way to keep herself safe was to stop conflict entirely. That's where she gets her coping mechanism from: APPEASEMENT

Do you ever agree with someone after a long argument just so you'll stop fighting? That's appeasement! Ragatha tries to stop conflict by appealing to whoever else is in the conflict until the subject is dropped.

In episode 5, Jax says that her niceness feels insincere, which is partially true. I'm sure that Ragatha is a genuinely nice person, but appeasement is fundamentally insincere. It's all about putting aside your true emotions for the "sake of others" (even though it can actually harm the other people in the long run). It's just masking true problems in favor of "peace"

(can you tell i've had my run in with people who use appeasement liberally irl?)

In the circus, there is basically constant conflict between the "players", who want their freedom even if some have given up on it, and Caine, who wants them to go on his adventures through any means necessary. That is a conflict that appeasement cannot even pretend to mask, so Ragatha tries to clear up smaller conflicts. She helps individually with smaller issues, like cheering up Gangle instead of actually attempting to make Jax stop bullying her.

And so we arrive at the conflict between Jax and Ragatha, which is the best part! Because these 2 styles of coping mechanism are fundamentally incompatible.

Jax creates conflict and Ragatha shuts down conflict. Jax makes people expose their true anger towards him as a ploy for the control he's missing and Ragatha refuses to show any of her true emotions out of fear of punishment. Jax wants autonomy over Ragatha and Ragatha cannot give it to him. Ragatha wants Jax to just be nice and not stir the pot and Jax refuses to give up what little autonomy he has. Push and pull. Unstoppable force verse immovable object. It's AMAZING.

i love this show so much and these 2's dynamic is the HIGHLIGHT of an already amazing show :DD

#i might do some more analysis on this show if y'all want #am i crazy for pulling this all from like one episode? probably #will i do it again? yes #if this gets enough notes i'll do conflict analysis on the other characters #tadc #the amazing digital circus #tadc jax #tadc ragatha #rye-mbles

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elitesheepi · 4 months ago

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No one really cares about Encanto anymore so it’s basically free real estate.

So here’s me HCing tf out of Mariano since he’s such a blank slate character

Mariano didn’t want to get married to Isa either, he was just much better at convincing himself that he did compared to her. Mariano is clearly a good guy, wants to make his mother proud, and the reality is, he’s been picked to marry a Madrigal. Cant imagine that’s an easy invite that he can just turn down, especially if it’s the eldest (grand)daughter.

While he likes Isabela’s company and this odd relationship they’ve made, he doesn’t truly like her. Mariano likes the idea of her, and he can convince himself that he loves her, but maybe in the back of his mind—he knows it ain’t that deep. Their interests are far too different, they personality incompatible is obvious to anyone watching them without rose-tinted lenses. Heck, their future plans aren’t even aligned. He wants kids (maybe not 5 but he still wants them) and she… doesn’t. They’re a couple built on expectations and they both know it, but neither are in a position where they can say it. He can’t disappoint his mama by tossing away the betrothal. He’s her only son, after all.

Isabela and Mariano are basically two coins of the same coping mechanism, but while she’s facing the reality of it and going through with it anyways, Mariano is trying to class half full it in hopes that he can find a bit of happiness in their future marriage.

Now him and Dolores, however? He’s never met someone as well read and eager to indulge in the arts as him. Many times they’ve run into each other in the town library, and many times he found himself indulging in long conversations with her about the novelist of the week.

They can’t hang out often because rumors of course—the fiance hanging out with the cousin, scandalous—but often he’ll wish their talks could last longer that a few minutes. Often he wishes that—he set to marry Isabela, no need for fantasies of what if. Of what if Dolores.

#I don’t subscribe to the himbo mariano idea tbh it’s boring #sheep talks #encanto #mariano guzman #dolores madrigal #isabela madrigal #doloriano

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luvranton · 7 months ago

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CONTINUATION OF MY LAST POST

i wrote allat to say. i really like to imagine the way they’d fall apart is heavily because of incompatibility and slowly drifting apart, both due to lack of communication and fear and the belief that they can ‘fix things’, even without talking about them (yes i’ve been in a wlw situationship before how’d you know? /lh)

like. they keep getting up to their usual freaky shit, but it slowly turns into a coping mechanism for both of them instead of an intimate pastime. they both take out their mental turmoil through physical intimacy instead of talking about it.

gradually, neither of them feel the same flame for their intimacy anymore. they used to feel that spark, that fervent flame in their heart whenever they’d lock eyes during. but as it spiralled further, they began to feel more and more apathetic towards their intimacy. it feels more like an obligation— an escape, and a thread tying their crumbling relationship together precariously.

…thinking

#this is so self indulgent #but i want it so bad #PLEASSSEEEEE #redacted asmr #redacted audio #redacted porter #redacted treasure #jax’s musings

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inseparabiles · 5 months ago

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A Thousand Stars

Relationships: Emperor Caracalla/Praetorian Prefect Tegula, Emperor Caracalla & Emperor Geta

Rating: Explicit

Chapters: 1/1

Words: 11 739

Warnings: Dubcon, self-harm, unhealthy coping mechanisms

Tags: Explicit sexual content, age difference, power dynamics, hurt with a side of comfort, and Geta should probably be elevated into sainthood.

Summary:

Caracalla needed something which would keep him tied up until night, and then awake like poison in his veins through the dark. Something that would make him feel as broken as he needed to be, in ways that proved that he was incompatible, but he had no rules to break anymore: no one was keeping track or holding him accountable for anything.

Boredom, yes. A sour taste in the back of his mouth when he sat on his throne, eyes vacant, ears deaf. He could have ordered a slave to bleed for him if he’d wanted to, but it had been a while since he’d last felt that quicken his breath and his pulse. He could order the killing of a chicken, or a street dog; what was it to him, or anybody? Their bodies bled, but it meant nothing. There was no point to it. No one would miss them, or know that they were gone.

Who around him still meant something, to him or anybody else?

Or, a story about wanting to feel something, and choosing to go looking for it in the worst places possible.

( AO3 )

#gladiator #gladiator 2 #gladiator ii #emperor caracalla #emperor geta #gladiator fic #scribbles #original content

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shehatescoffee · 4 months ago

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omg all your wips sound incredible!!!

Heirloom Pain, the Hunger Games AU, and the Hercules one are definitely my favorite ones, though. Is there anything you'd like to share about any of those? 👀

thank you!! that's so sweet!! and yes of course!

Heirloom Pain: (name inspired by the song of the same title) would be looking at the complexities and nuances of gojo & megumi's relationship in moments between canon/precanon. anyone who knows me knows i love me some dadjo, but their canon relationship is obviously much more complicated than that. i'd wanna explore how gojo's trauma from toji & geto, his (frankly unhealthy) view on sorcery and his own role as a weapon, and his tendency to cope with humor impact his ability to connect with megumi, who has his own trauma that i think is super incompatible with gojo's in regards to the coping mechanisms and belief systems they've cultivated. i'd like to write about how i imagine gojo raising megumi, and how he would try his best but the aforementioned issues would really make things difficult and he might end up passing on his own issues unintentionally (hence the title, and if you've listened to the song you know what i mean also). there would prob be crumbs of stsg and itfs as well, since i cant help but want to explore the parallels there as well!!

hercules au: basically the disney hercules movie but jjk. yuuji as hercules, megumi as megara, gojo as zeus, sukuna as hades, nanami as phil, etcetc. nothing super originaly i just love the movie lmao

And I wake every night (crying "set me free"): (title from Abbey by Mitski) this hunger games AU would basically be megumi as katniss (likely feat. ftm trans megumi), yuuji as peeta. the first book/movie would be followed pretty closely, and then some deviation to mirror canon and fit the rest of the cast a bit better for the second and third books. gojo would be haymitch, of course. kamo as gale, tsumiki as prim, nanami as effie (tho it would basically be a personality switch between effie and haymitch for nanami and gojo), sukuna or kenjaku as pres snow (tbd), the rest of the cast as other victors and various other characters.

here's a snippet of the itfs hunger games AU, just for you as a thank you for asking!

Hunger Games AU Snippet:

“It’ll be okay. Your name’s only in there once,” he murmurs, gently petting her carefully styled hair. It should be seven, but there’s a stipulation for the chronically ill. It wouldn’t be any fun to see someone enter the arena and immediately keel over, after all. Megumi’s own name is in quite a few more times than once, but nowhere close to Kamo’s forty two. They’ll both be fine.

She sighs, rich brown eyes fluttering shut as she pulls Megumi’s hands up to her cheek. She unfolds them, cups them around her face and nuzzles into his palms with a soft exhale. “I’m alright, I’m alright. Just tired.” A shaky smile makes its way onto her face. She’s always been more concerned with comforting Megumi, even when at her lowest. His hands involuntarily tighten around her jaw, but he releases her just as quickly. There’s a thin film of sweat on her forehead despite it being much cooler inside than out.

He forces a smile onto his own face. It feels awkward and unnatural, but her shoulders relax just a little bit which is reward enough. With a pat on her knees, he stands and hands her his folded up handkerchief.

“For you.”

She shakes her head, always reluctant to accept Megumi spending money on her, but takes the handkerchief when offered. She unfolds it slowly, revealing the pin. It shines under the light streaming in through the window in a way it hadn’t when Megumi picked it out in the smoky darkness of the Hob. He smiles at the soft gasp she lets out, fingers tracing the curves and edges of the metal. She looks up at him, eyes watery. “It’s a mockingjay.”

He shrugs. He’s got no idea about birds other than how to hunt them.

He helps her pin it beneath her collar, where it won’t be seen and confiscated by peacekeepers, and then they’re off.

They never really walk hand in hand anymore, except for on days like today.

#ask game #tag game #wip game #fanfic writing #itafushi fanfic #itafushi #jjk fanfic #jjk #ask phlarry

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