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trans-axolotl · 4 months ago

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my gendered experience growing up as an intersex person was overwhelmingly defined by my responses and resistance to everything that got me labeled as a failure: failure to quickly get a gender assigned at birth, failure to go through a normal puberty and grow up into a woman, failure at meeting the standards for "complete womanhood" because of my intersex sex traits, and yet simultaneously failing to ever be acknowledged as a "real man" and being treated as a threat when I expressed I wanted to transition.

before i realized i was a man and came out as trans, the ways that girlhood was denied to me was very often humiliating and painful. locker rooms filled with other girls were a frequent source of shame. there were many big and small ways that i was told that my intersex body made me insufficient, incomplete, broken. i was forced onto estrogen, forced into shaving my body hair, and was constantly being told to change myself to better fit this mystical idea of a "normal woman." and even though I ultimately ended up becoming a man, the denial of girlhood was painful.

but i think that these things would have been even more difficult to navigate as an intersex girl if on top of everything I already said, i was having to cope with the denial of my girlhood while i was forced into boys locker rooms. if my doctors were forcing me onto testosterone hrt and refusing to even discuss estrogen, if all my legal paperwork had "M" on it and was a logistical nightmare to change, if every support group for my intersex variation labeled it as a "men's support group," if the LGBTQ community spaces i tried to join were misogynistic towards me often to the point of exile, if my self determination as an intersex girl was denied in most spaces of my life, and on and on and on. while listing all these things out i also don't want to make it seem like it's all about suffering and pain--so much of transition for me has been about joy in my self determination and how much it feels like a reclamation of autonomy to decide what I want my body and self to be like--i know this is an experience i share with so many of my trans intersex friends.

as an person who was AFAB, although there were many ways that trying to grow up as an intersex girl were a painful, logistical nightmare, many times and places that i was excluded from woman's spaces, etc. however, there was a simultaneous affirmation that i was right to strive for that in the first place. which is logic rooted in some fucked up compulsory dyadism, but also which would have made some things slightly easier or even possible at all if i had wanted to embrace being an intersex girl within this fucked up system.

pretty much every time i've seen people on tumblr talking about "afab transfems" in an intersex context, people seem happy to collapse these experiences and act like there's no meaningful distinction or point in distinguishing between different types of intersex embodiment. it seems incredibly extractive, to be perfectly honest with you--taking terms already used by a community to make meaning of their experiences and to expand and dilute that term enough that it means something pretty different than the original.

it's making me think about the concept of epistemic injustice, which is a term coined by Miranda Fricker to describe oppression related to knowledge, communication, and making meaning of the world. There's two subtypes of epistemic injustice: testimonial injustice and hermeneutical injustice. Testimonial injustice refers to the dynamic where marginalized people are labeled as not credible, excluded from conversations, and their testimony and knowledge is labeled as unreliable, even when they're the ones who are experts and have first hand experience of what people are talking about. (this is why i probably won't make this post rebloggable--i've noticed this pattern on tumblr many times where trans men speaking about transmisogyny get lots of notes and are given a lot of grace, where trans women are silenced, attacked for not having perfect wording, and otherwise delegitimized.)

the second type is called hermeneutical injustice. it describes how marginalized people are denied the right to make sense of the experiences in their own lives. this can look like preventing people from building community, terminology, a political understanding of themselves, and the interpretive resources needed to process how you live in the world.

this is a form of injustice that I think almost all intersex people are very familiar with--we are denied community and interpretive resources to the point that we're told we don't even exist, that intersex isn't a real word, and so many more examples that leave us isolated and with very few options for understanding what we're collectively experiencing. as an intersex person i really intimately understand how frustrating, confusing, and painful it is to not have words for your experiences, your identity, your life.

so it makes me really sad and pissed off when it seems like intersex people seem to be replicating this exact same type of epistemic injustice towards transfems and specifically towards intersex transfems. pretty much every time recently i see people talking about "afab transfems" they're doing so in a way that seems to deny that trans women even have the right to make sense of their own experiences in the world. there seems to be this mindset that these political frameworks, these interpretive resources that transfems have built up are just up for grabs for anyone. and then on top of that has come with it a lot of cruel, hateful language and direct attacks towards many intersex transfems who are facing so much harassment right now.

an important value to me is this idea of reciprocity as a foundation for solidarity. to me reciprocity means that we're prioritizing the ways we care for each other, we're thinking about how we can uplift each other, and we're watching out for extractive or exploitative patterns where one group is constantly expected to be in "solidarity" with another group without getting the same respect and care back toward them. i think that there could be so many ways that intersex people of all genders could share our overlapping experiences and actually be in true, meaningful solidarity with each other, but i barely ever actually see that happen on tumblr. and that pisses me off, because i do think that there's so much we have in common that we could celebrate and support each other with. i feel so much kinship with so, so many of my trans intersex friends, and ways where i see our lives converge. but i don't think that can happen in an environment where there's no acknowledgment of the ways that our experiences will sometimes (often) differ from each other, and the ways that we have unique needs.

another frustration i've had based on this most recent couple months of transmisogynistic intersex posting on tumblr is how intersex people have been mostly ignoring intersex community resources and devaluing the existing intersex terminology that people created to try to meet our needs. so much of what i've seen people describing on tumblr seems to really line up with the term ipsogender. Ipsogender is a term coined by an intersex sociologist Cary Gabriel Costello, and is used to describe intersex people whose gender matches the gender they were medically assigned at birth, but who might not feel like cis or trans fits them, might experience dysphoria, and who might feel like they've ended up transitioning medically or socially in some ways. this is a word that exists that an intersex person put time into coining because they wanted other intersex people to feel seen, embraced, and have ways of understanding themselves and communicating to others, and that's something that's super meaningful to me! and yet, i've rarely seen anyone reference it, and also seen multiple people making fun of it in other spaces online.

there's also intergender, which is another intersex specific gender term used to describe when your gender is inseparable from your intersex traits, and that your intersex identity is intertwined with your gender identity in some way. some people just identify as intergender, others use it as an adjective and exist as an intergender man or woman. intersex terminology like this is really important to me, especially because we're so often denied the right to make sense of our own experiences.

i think ultimately what i wanted to say with this post is just that when i think about intersex community, some of the most important values of intersex community for me are solidarity, care for each other, and affirming our right to define our own existence. and i don't think that can happen in a community where people are acting in extractive ways, harassing and attacking their fellow community members, and being dismissive of the realities of other intersex people's lives.

#personal #actuallyintersex #intersex #actually intersex #transmisogyny tw #this post is not going to be rebloggable for now but if any intersex mutuals want to reblog it i might turn reblogs on #this just feels like an intersex conversation in a way i would prefer not to do with an audience of spectators.#also a tangent: i do understand that agab is not a body descriptor. i think that agabs are a form of curative violence perpetuated onto us #this is something i've been consistent about expressing for years. if you go back to old posts you'll see that there's many times i've said #over the years that agab is messy. that i know people who were assigned one gender at birth and another gender as a toddler #who identify as cis and trans and a million other things. i understand that and im not interested in denying their existence #so. don't take this as a universal statement from me about every single instance of “amab transman” or “afab transfem.” but rather in the #context of the current dynamic i'm seeing on tumblr of widespread transmisogynistic harassment #that i think much of the way people are talking about this is exploitative and harmful #also i've made many posts before talking about how like. many things would change and become intelligble in a less compulsorly dyadic world #but we aren't there yet. and so there are many terms that are still meaningful and relevant for us right now #and as always: i am one intersex person with one perspective i like to hear from other intersex people including intersex people #who think differently from me

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uncanny-tranny · 1 year ago

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I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage...#...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them...#...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent...#...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us...#...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long...#...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL #the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate #be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough #recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage'#i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself #and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was #i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want #don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please #and just... give yourself space

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morganbritton132 · 1 year ago

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Eddie filming a tiktok before one of the soccer meets (maybe like day long blitz tournament) in a cheerleader outfit. Phone set up before he came downstairs, catching Steve scrolling on his phone, filling his water, checking the time and reminding Eddie they had to leave. And Eddie’s like, pretending it’s normal while Steve is just blinking at him.

He threatened to do it, and they all assumed he had forgotten but no, Eddie’s middle names are ‘committed to the bit’ (family name)

I think it’s infinitely funnier if Steve doesn’t notice that he’s wearing a cheerleading uniform for like, a while.

Eddie sets the camera up in the kitchen since Steve spends the majority of his time before a game in there pacing, and then he just stands there in the middle of the room. And waits. And Steve does not notice. It’s like:

Eddie: *standing in the middle of the kitchen in a red and gold cheerleading uniform*

Steve: *walks pass to double check the schedule on the fridge to make sure he has the time right*

Steve: *walks pass while putting on his jersey*

Steve: *walks pass to fill their cooler with drinks and sandwiches*

Steve: *walks pass to refill his water bottle*

Steve: *walks pass to triple check the schedule*

Steve: *walks pass looking at his phone*

Steve: *walks pass while texting Robin*

Steve: *walks pass to look at the schedule again*

Steve: *walks pass while reminding Eddie that they need to leave in fifteen minutes*

Steve: *stops right next to Eddie to read an article about Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner*

Eddie: Babe, do these shoes match my outfit?

Steve, looking away from his phone and directly at Eddie’s shoes: If you’re going to have your legs out then you need to put sunscreen on them because you… *finally notices*

Steve:

Eddie: 2,4,6,8 who do you appreciate?

Steve: …This outfit

#Comments on the stream include: people being like ‘yeah me too Steve’#and others being like ‘can’t believe I just witnessed my old math teacher get turned on’#i thought anout going angsty with it and saying that the uniform reminded #him too much of Chrissy but the prompt was too funny to do that #eddie munson tiktok saga #steve harrington #eddie munson

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be-it-so · 6 months ago

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Well, now I can with all certainty assure you that the Trojan War was just a family picnic gone terribly wrong.

It is so fun to make

Edit: The extended version!

And the Odysseus's branch

#all roads lead to Zeus #i will add more people here #once i figure out how to add here Zeus's siblings and ancestors without turning it unreadable i will be unstoppable #wait till i include every character from the illiad #and then all the fun will begin #the illiad #hector #Odysseus #paris #Menelaus #and others #greek mythology #trojan war #fucked up greek family tree

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sukibenders · 11 days ago

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The Arcane fandom, especially on TikTok is never beating the allegations because why, now, some fans act like it's too inconceivable to imagine that Ambessa was, not only, pregnant twice but gave birth twice as well? And their reasoning for this is "She looks like the type to get a man pregnant instead" or "She's too tough for that, I just can't see someone like her going through that." There are layers to these statements because, for one, just because someone, especially a woman, is a dominant force doesn't mean that they can't get/don't want to become pregnant (do you believe overtly dominant men can't be fathers?) It's also very weird because the undertones of misogyny and misogynoir and the overt masculinization of black women are there because, not only are they viewing pregnancy and giving birth, in general, to be viewed as something "weak" (even though it's grueling hours of labor that results in tearing the body apart, sometimes even death) but also attempts to strip Ambessa of her nuance. Yes, she is strong and very dominant, but she also deeply loved her children, who she birthed, and when one was taken away from her it changed her deeply. It's very gross to view a character like her in this way because it also reflects how you view dominant women in real life, pregnancy, and childbirth as a whole. Like how are you going to praise Arcane for having such a wide and diverse ensemble of female characters, but then have misogynistic takes like this? Make it make sense.

#arcane #ambessa medarda #arcane ambessa #anti arcane #anti arcane fandom #bc if i said the “she gets a man pregnant bc she's girlboss” also plays into misogynistic tropes bc it not only #devoids female characters of their nuances but also frames pregnancy as something “weak” or those who go thru it as “lesser than” but always #pressing the pregnancy in question on male characters who they either ignore (so they only view pregnancy for breeding and nothing else) or #infantilize (so you only view pregnancy as happening to someone who is submissive?) there's layers to this #and bringing it back to the masculinization of black women especially dark skin women people are already viewed as #existing outside the stereotypical lens of “femininity” and that in turn includes pregnancy and childbirth (which is viewed #thru a stereotypical lens as well) and bc people already don't view black women to fit the first box they definitely don't for the other #especially if she matches ambessa's body type &/or personality #even tho a big part of ambessa's character is literally her being a mom!#and don't get me started on how some of you view mother characters as anything outside of motherhood in general #(but a part of that is also bc the media doesn't give them much at times either but fandom still gets it's lashing too!)#like lets analyze: why do you think female characters who are “too tough” can't be pregnant as well? why do you think they can't be mothers?#why do you think they are “too tough” to give birth? is it bc u subconsciously view it as a weakness?#why do you think black women especially those like ambessa can't give birth & be mothers? is it bc you have biased views towards motherhood #where it's stereotypically “feminine” (yte) and black women don't fit that mold in your mind?#like i could go on!#(if i also said back to the girlboss & get men pregnant thing how a lot of it carries undertones of misogyny as well id be wrong but-)#some of yall did the same thing with mel & continue to do so when those pregnancy rumors were coming out #masc women can give and want to give birth while still being who they are (it literally happens in real life) so why people act surprised?#tw pregnancy mention #tw childbirth mention #fandom racism #fandom misogyny

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turtleblogatlast · 6 months ago

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“Haven’t You Noticed (I’m a Star)” from Steven Universe works so ridiculously well for Leo

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt headcanons #rottmnt leo #rise leo #listen it’s morning now and I haven’t slept so bear with me for the sudden unwarranted lyric analysis haha #a lotttt of the lyrics work so well for him #not even just the overall theme the words just work great #first lyric is literally ‘I can’t help it if I make a scene’ which is one to one with ‘Leo’s makin a scene’ from the rottmnt opening like-#‘I’m turning heads and I’m stopping traffic’ -> Leo has not made it a secret that he values his looks a LOT #-not just his looks but also his ability to get people’s attention #‘when I pose they scream when I joke they laugh’ -> I feel like this speaks for itself #-posing and joking for the crowd and himself #‘I’ve got them dazzled like a stage magician’ -> works both with Leo’s canonical love of magicians and his aptitude with tricks in general #‘well everybody needs a friend and I’ve got you and you and you’ -> I just think it’d be cute to imagine his friends here just as his bros #‘I got you and you and you’ = ‘my brainy guy my smashing guy and eats peanut butter with his fingers guy’#‘haven’t you noticed that I’m a star?’ -> Leo loves attention and especially loves when his feats and efforts are acknowledged #+ he loves glam rock and sci-fi and being a champ and - listen he has a LOT of star symbolism with him #‘haven’t you noticed I made it this far’ - Leo is well aware of how dangerous situations get and thinks himself only a part of a whole #-so hey it’s notable that he’s survived this long yeah?#‘now everyone can see me burning’ -> self-sacrificing with his family bearing witness + all his star and flame symbolism in general #+ how attention naturally goes to him - including bad attention where his mistakes are highlighted and burn bright #also even the limo lyric-#obviously this boy has never and will never own a limo but one of his main secondary colors IS pink so even that #okay that one is just a joke but he would #(on that note though I think the other colors the boys gravitate to outside THEIR color are fun to notice)#I don’t actually know too much about Steven universe beyond the songs and some eps but I like the music #and this just came to my tired mind so here you go anyone who’s interested #may draw something with these lyrics dunno yet #it’s a good song in any case even though it’s super short

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clown-friend-gt · 28 days ago

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My g/t hot take that no one asked for:

Anything above 30 feet is not a mini giant. Sure, in comparison to other giants in fiction, that's not that big, but think about encountering, say, a 40 ft giant in real life. That is huge. You are the size of, like, a barbie doll to them. That is not mini.

Also, in my opinion, the fun part about minigiants is the unique size dynamic. They can fit in your house, but will still be too big for it to feel normal. They can't carry you in one hand, but they can carry you around like a stuffed animal. Encountering one isn't as inherently dangerous as encountering a regular giant would be, but they still have the potential to be scary if they aren't careful (or if they're trying to be). The dynamic is a little different with minigiants, and a lot of that nuance begins to fade above 30 feet.

Again, this is just my opinion, but it comes from my experience of writing different size dynamics. I think a lot of people tend to classify minigiants based on how big they are in comparison to other giants, when we should be looking at how big they are in comparison to a human, which is where all the fun dynamics come in to play.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

#g/t community #g/t #giant/tiny #g/t concept #minigiant #mini giant #mini giantess #em honks #at some point this kind of turned into a minigiant appreciation post #which isnt a bad thing!#its just not what i set put to do lol #also i didn't want the post to get too long so i didnt include this but i think it needs to be said #i think the lower limit for minigiants should be around 8-9 feet #because thats when things like having to duck under doorframes and hitting ceilings comes into play #which are peak minigiant tropes #let me clarify that i mean IN FICTION #dont call irl people minigiants #also if you see this and you're thinking “em what the hell are you on about”#this is mainly in response to that one post that gives different classifications to tinies/giants based on size #it lists 10-40 feet as a minigiant which doesn't feel right to me #and ive seen other writers refer to their giants as minigiants seemingly based on that post #when by all accounts they shouldn't he #at least based on the other descriptions of said giants #no hate to the person who made that post!!!!#btw #i just have a lot of feelings on the matter #clearly #em YAPS

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babsvibes · 4 months ago

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@daddygrandpaandthebeaver asked about the results of my latest ask wave, so being me I made a presentation of it!

#babsbles #bob’s burgers #bobs burgers #fandom graph #asks #bobs burgers favorite episode presentation #thank you canva for all you do for society #there were a few other things I noticed like people who voted for multiple episodes tended to have them in the same season #I almost included slides for the rest of the episodes but it turned out to be too long #I hope y’all like the thing I spent a little too much time on!

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triptychofvoids · 2 months ago

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actually, since i just received an ask that read very much like a scam;

to my young trans followers, please be wary of people that are wanting to take advantage of you. be very careful of people asking you to dm them who may claim to offer you any sort of gender affirming care online. check for credibility, inform yourself and knowledgeable about hrt/other trans related care and do your research on these topics. block and report blogs that wish to take advantage of you and other trans people and stay safe!

#“certified pharmacist specializing in gender affirming surgery” and “dm me if you are interested in hrt”#<- immediate red flags #i know for many people myself included that ask reads immediately as a scam and warrants a delete but #sadly i know there are a lot of yonger trans people that might get hooked in by this sort of this #either because they are actively seeking hrt or #perhaps are not fully informed on the process to receive this sort of care #or for any other reason #just be careful and mindful!#this should be obvious but #pharmacists dont specialize in surgery #and while you will likely go to a pharmacist for medication and such #you should most likely be turning to an endocrinologist or primary care doctor for something like hrt #and other such discrepancies-#the doc is in #important #trangender

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michaeljoncarter · 6 months ago

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sorry, i'm still hung up on how bad the writing for sarevok was in bg3. it's not even just "he's so out of character!!" bad. that is just straight up not him. literally who is this man, what the hell is he talking about, and what has he done with the actual sarevok because nothing he says makes ANY sense like....

just as one example of how wild the contradictions/retcons are, this is how bg3 has him recount his resurrection in bg2 -

and this is (parts of) how it actually happened -

like??? it's so bad and weird and dumb and for WHAT???

#larian critical #jaheira HELP my idiot brother has some sort of dementia and he's down in some weird cave telling people we made him forget how to piss (?!)#idk it's just so weird how he absolutely did not need to be there #just make orin's dad some random like this literally does nothing for the plot. i do not understand why he's even included #ppl being like 'it's just fanservice!!' girl..... which fans are being serviced by this??#bcs people who know the og series hate it and people who don't have no idea who this random man is. literally for what !! WHO is this for !#what was the reasonnnnn !!!!!!!!!#replaying bg2 is just making me annoyed all over again rjgnkjfnv #no sarevok in bg3 girl that's koveras #idk.. i have Things To Say about this and other things broadly bc it has me thinking..... the wheels..... turning.... connecting dots #i'm gonna be annoying and make an actual thoughtful post about it soon probably sorry <3

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mikakuna · 10 months ago

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my problem is that i always end up emotionally invested in the angry abuse victim character-- the character who is always the "wrong" kind of victim. the one who lashes out and is violent, a complete juxtaposition to their sunshine/lawful good counterparts in the media.

i end up resonating too hard with these characters that i always end up on the shitty side of the fandom where people will see you as a bad person for enjoying representation of an angry victim.

#and then i get brain damage from people's horrible takes that involve real life accusations #why the fuck would i support the death penalty because a fictional character kills people #are you using your minds #what part of seperate fiction and reality do you not understand #you genuinely CANNOT be a part of a fandom if you don't understand that rule #or there's the people in the fandom who don't know shit about abuse victims so when they write stories including such characters #they depict them in such clearly ableist ways #and in the victim blaming sense!!#like fuck #when is it my turn to join a fandom and become a fan of a character who doesn't induce such anger from other fans #jason todd #red hood #batman

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quibbs126 · 3 months ago

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Honestly I want to see crossover material with the Transformers continuity, specifically how they’d interact with One

Because as it stands now with this one movie, it’s the continuity where the conflict is the most recent. In a crossover fic, the whole uprising was probably like, a week ago. There really isn’t even a war right now, considering the factions literally just formed and they haven’t had conflict yet outside of the initial banishment from Iacon. Optimus just started running the government and is probably still trying to deal with the whole breakup

Meanwhile Megatron is team baby of the Decepticons and the roles probably haven’t fully sunk in, at least with Starscream being the backstabbing second in command. Not to mention Megatron probably hasn’t fully gone off the deep end yet in TF One. He’s not doing great but he isn’t so far off from his initial ideals yet

Also while I have never finished Animated, I feel like that Optimus would be very concerned to hear about the war crimes Sentinel Prime caused, considering his Sentinel Prime is currently acting leader of Cybertron (as I’ve heard at least)

#the two Optimus and Megatrons are like the youngest versions we have #I’d like to see how people paint their interactions with their other counterparts #hell maybe for TFO Megatron you could make it a wake up call that “oh that’s how this is gonna turn out for me”#and so he and Optimus make up or something #but yeah I don’t know I think about this #give me some good crossover fics that include TF One #transformers #transformers one #optimus prime #megatron #random stuff #crossover

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feroluce · 8 months ago

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Belobog was my fave main quest but a lot of it is so. Contradictory. It's like they had multiple groups doing different shit and none of them checked in with each other for consistency. And you see this so much in Gepard's profile.

So in the main quest, they made him unfailingly, unquestionably loyal to Cocolia. Gepard's character arc is him learning to question authority etc etc. And this isn't even a bad thing; that's a story worth telling! It makes good conflict between him and Serval! And I love that we got Gepard as a boss battle and I get to see him all the time in SU!

But then you look at his character stories and it's like. The complete opposite.

According to his profile, Gepard has already HAD this awakening, long before the Astral Express, and he'd already decided Cocolia sucks. Even outside of his stories, there's a pretty damning readable between him and Pela.

He even disobeyed direct orders right in front of her- he has been disobeying orders for a while now!

So I've decided I'm marrying the two different sides of this into a 1.5k fic-ish thingy, because I think there's some fun potential there with Gepard not trusting Cocolia, but still having to pretend to be a good obedient little soldier.

Anyway. I love to think of it as like. Gepard knows Cocolia has sunk into her apathy. He can see it in her eyes every time he looks at her. She doesn't care. Not about him, not about Pela, not about all his soldiers on the frontlines giving their lives to protect the citizens. And that's... It makes him bristle a bit, but ok. Gepard can deal with this. Even if Cocolia no longer cares, as long as she does her job then it's fine. Having compassion behind an action doesn't matter as much as the action itself. If Cocolia's heart is no longer swayed, then he'll just have to care twice as hard to pick up the slack. He considers it part of his duty as a captain of the guard anyway. It's fine. Gepard can deal with it.

And then, Cocolia starts coming down to the restricted zone. Issuing direct orders.

And Gepard realizes he is in way over his head.

Because Cocolia orders him to stay back and issue commands from the ramparts, away from all his comrades, away from where he can protect them.

Gepard had thought nothing could be as bad as watching a fellow guard die right next to him. But the first time he watches someone struck by a killing blow, so far away, it hurts. Every defensive scar across his arms itches, his fingers curl in want of a weapon, the cold cannot numb his hands enough as they desperately ache for his shield. It hurts.

Gepard tries to find any reason to stay. Because surely... He knows Cocolia has lost her love for her people, but surely... She wouldn't...

One day, Cocolia orders for their gunners to advance 20 yards. There are no survivors. She almost looks like she smiles.

Gepard doesn't sleep that night.

Pela brings him the report at the end of the first month; and then the month after that, and the month after that. A significant uptick in losses, and all of it started on that first day Cocolia started overriding his authority and issuing her own orders. The ends of Gepard's pens have all been nearly chewed off. Pela outright calls Cocolia an idiot, and Gepard corrects her. Cocolia isn't an idiot. Gepard had known her through Serval, knew her through all her college years and then some, and he knows how intelligent she is. It's not that she's stupid, and it's not that she's inexperienced, it's nothing of the sort.

Cocolia knows exactly what she's doing.

She must, there's no way she could make such a horrible mess of things so badly by accident. And Pela, quick as a whip, sharp as a tack, always too smart for her own good, catches onto the meaning behind Gepard's correction without any further prompting. The tent goes deathly quiet, nothing but the wind howling outside.

"...She's trying to kill us," Pela whispers, her voice swiftly suffocated by the silence.

Gepard swallows. He can't bring himself to correct her this time. There is nothing he could say that he would actually mean.

His gaze drops, back down to his desk and the reports on it. The names aren't listed, just the numbers, but Gepard knows them, knew them, and there must be something wrong, something he's missing, because why, why would she-? What could this possibly accomplish-?

“Gepard! Focus!” Something snaps right under his nose, and Gepard startles, eyes instantly honing in on Pela's irritated face as she leans over his desk. She holds his gaze for a moment before she huffs and begins to pace, wedges a knuckle between her teeth and bites like Gepard hasn't seen her do since cadet school.

Pela angrily strides from one end of his tent to the other, words hissed between her grit teeth. “What are we going to do?” In the dim lighting, Gepard can just barely see the damp spot of blood weeping under her gloves. “We need a plan.”

“A plan?”

“Wh- Yes, a plan! Unless you want more people to die!” Pela rounds on him then, all the wrath of a blizzard, winds roaring and snow sharp enough to cut.

“We don't even know-”

“What does it matter?! She killed-!!” Pela cuts off with a garbled noise when Gepard leaps up from his desk, hastily shoves his hand over her mouth. The prosthetic, not the flesh one, because he knows better than to assume Pela won't seize the opportunity to leave teeth marks in his skin.

“You're right. I'm sorry, I'm sorry; you're right. But you need to keep quiet.” Pela quirks an eyebrow at him and Gepard can read the question in her face. “Because we both saw what she did to Serval,” he hisses.

It's amazing the snow plains haven't thawed out yet, the amount of heat Pela can put behind a glare. The mere mention of Serval, and the smoking ruins Cocolia had made of her life and career, have her bristling up like a riled cat. The sudden hot breath she takes fans fog across his metal skin, and Gepard wisely keeps it in place until Pela finally sighs and reaches up, taps her fingertips against the back of his hand.

The second she's free, Pela bats him away and then her knuckle is right back between her teeth again, Gepard leaning back against his desk with his arms crossed to watch her resume her pacing. “If we spread the word, she'll have us discharged and make sure we can't even touch the frontlines,” Pela's voice seethes like an open sore. Gepard nods but keeps his silence. He knows better than to get in her way.

“And if you and I are both out of the picture, Belobog is fucked.” A little harsher than how he would have put it, but there's no denying that they're both important to the city's survival. Pela has the restricted zone running as efficiently as ever, and Gepard had become the youngest captain on record for a reason. “We need to keep this tight under wraps, at least for now… It can't leak to anyone higher up the chain.” Another nod. “Serval might know other discontents…” Another n-

Gepard's head snaps up. “No.”

“No what?”

“No. We're not involving Serval in this.”

Somehow, even the same tone that leaves entire squadrons shaking in their boots has never worked on her. “You're not deciding that for her, Gepard.”

Pela hadn't seen the worst of it, though, back when his sister had just been banned from the Architects. Serval's pride hadn't allowed it. Pela wasn't the one to find her passed out bottle still in hand, hadn't been the one to wash the sick out of her hair or carry her to bed.

Serval still has trouble thinking clearly when it comes to Cocolia, still can't quite bring herself to be objective. And Gepard maybe doesn't want her to be purely objective- but he would worry a lot less if she thought twice before she acted more often.

“At least let me be the one to bring it up to her.”

“Whatever, fine,” Pela gestures affirmatively at him as she paces past, and Gepard sighs. Good, at least that's one thing he can help.

From there, it's a lot of hemming and hawing and frustration. Cocolia has them under her boot, and Gepard and Pela both know it. Even with the way she's been cracking down on freedoms lately, Cocolia is still, overall, liked by the people. It's unlikely anyone would believe them. They don't even have solid proof, because most people don't know Cocolia as well as they do and won't see the clues in the same light.

The Fragmentum has been ramping up in recent years, too. Everyone is struggling just to survive as is, they can't afford a fight on two fronts. Gepard is a damn good captain, one of the best for that matter. But they're at a massive disadvantage, his experience is narrowed to fighting a defensive battle against monsters, that's all he's ever done. That's all anyone there has ever done. He has no way of finding first-hand knowledge for taking the offensive against a human opponent, and if he goes at this blind, there's no way he'll get everyone out unscathed. He's going to lose people. He's going to lose a lot of people.

He'd never thought before that Cocolia would have it in her to have someone killed. And with this new knowledge, he has no guarantee she won't go after Serval or Lynx if she decides to retaliate.

Gepard has to remind himself to breathe when he realizes this.

Pela writes down every name the two of them can come up with. Lists and lists of names and groups and anyone they can think of who might be an ally in all of this. They memorize every bit of it, make their plans of who to talk to and when. Gepard watches the sparks reflect off Pela's glasses as they burn the evidence together.

Pela finally leaves, far too late to make it home, but says she wants to stay in the restricted zone anyway to investigate. Gepard watches her make her way in the direction of Dunn's tent, watches her back until she's out of his sight and squashes down the urge to follow and keep an eye on her. His tent feels empty.

In the morning, Gepard is up before the wake up bells. He drags himself out of bed, leads his soldiers through their morning training. The same people gravitate to each other everyday. Friend groups and training partners. There's an ongoing rivalry between a few squadrons that everyone bets on. Some of them have lockets around their necks, keepsakes, mementos. Some of them wear wedding rings.

Gepard is suddenly, painfully aware of something acidic clawing at the inside of his throat, of a heavy weight low in his chest that blooms, takes up room until it threatens to spread his ribs. His mouth tastes of bile and blood.

He rearranges the schedules. Puts himself down for every open patrol into the Fragmentum, makes sure he'll be on the frontlines every single time Cocolia visits.

He only hopes that it's enough.

#honkai star rail #gepard landau #hsr gepard #pelageya sergeyevna #hsr pela #hsr #smacking Gepard out of Hoyo's hands and running off with him skzjmdkd #tentatively Figuring Out how to write these two... It feels a little tricky starting out with extreme circumstances like this haha #I feel like a lot of people see Gepard as naive for trusting Cocolia so much but I don't think that's quite it. He's not stupid.#He's not even naive.#He's someone who has been groomed since birth by his own parents to be an obedient Guard and nothing outside of that role.#You are not immune to propaganda etc etc #But even then there are a lot of things like all the included screenshots where he. Doesn't actually seem to like/trust Cocolia much.#I think Serval was a really good influence on him as a kid. He might have turned out much much worse without her.#and even with how I've written him here. I don't think he's normally slow to act or one to stand aside and make other people lead.#it's just that this specifically was a pretty extreme circumstance for him.#and also he openly states elsewhere that Pela is overbearing and he tries not to interfere with her work whenever possible nskzhdjdjd #Pela too. I don't know that I normally see her as someone with a bad temper or quick to anger.#But again; extreme circumstances haha #Bc like. they both would have seen what happened to Serval when she stood up to Cocolia. they know damn well what's going to happen to them.#if they fuck this up and get caught then they're done.#and I mean. What are they supposed to do? they're two people against the highest authority of the entire nation.#regardless I do love Gepard agonizing over this in the future after Bronya takes over and everything has settled down #did he do the right thing? did he make the right choice? if he went vigilante how many soldiers would have died without his protection?#would Belobog have fallen completely? how many people died because he DIDN'T run away? was it actually enough?#I love characters forced between a rock and a hard place. no good options. pick your poison.#no winning- only weighing what you can and cannot bear to lose.#make your choice and decide whether you want to rot or to burn.

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winteriron-trash · 6 months ago

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rdj the (whitewashed) electric boogaloo

This is a reminder to everyone who's excited about RDJ's casting as Doctor Doom that this casting is whitewashing. Victor Von Doom is a Romani character and has been a Romani character since his introduction in the 1960s. (Fantastic Four Annual #2 [1964]) Not only that, but his Roma identity and the persecution he and his family faced due to it is integral to his character, it is what forms his identity. (Books of Doom by Ed Brubaker) Even if on the off chance this casting is meant to not be Victor but instead be some variant of Tony or whomever else becoming Doctor Doom, it is damaging to the character to rob him of that important cultural background. Doctor Doom does not exist without that history. Fans have been pushing hard to cast Doom as a Romani actor for years, especially since the MCU has whitewashed other Romani characters. (Wanda, Pietro, etc) This casting is not a celebration moment, it's fucking heartbreaking that the MCU repeatedly ignores the important and nuanced cultural backstories of characters.

I know I can't change anybody's mind on whether or not you want to be excited about RDJ's return to the MCU. But I do think at the very least you should be mad that the MCU is baiting us all and destroying nuanced and interesting characters for the sake of self-referential easter eggs and nostalgia bait. Because that's what it is. Feel how you'd like to feel about RDJ's return, but personally, this is soul-sucking. I had such a deep love for the MCU as a teenager, it was obviously something incredibly formative to me, especially Tony Stark. This isn't recreating what I fell in love with the MCU for. This is turning a well-planned and artistic storyline of adaptations into cheap cash grabs and fan service. Because, I think we're past the point of being able to call the MCU an adaptation of anything. They can use existing characters' names and powers, but to say they're being properly adapted is laughable.

This is not an adaptation of Doctor Doom. This is RDJ the Electric Boogaloo because Marvel's fear of losing the interest of dedicated MCU fans overrides their willingness to tell stories that are genuine to the characters. I don't know what there is to be excited about that. The MCU has lost its authenticity and aside from a few projects, feels heartless. Every movie is a copy of a copy. This announcement isn't something celebratory, it feels like a death knell of a cinematic universe that's so desperate to cling to relevancy it's resorting to nostalgia for a character/actor who hasn't even been dead for a decade. We're not getting anything new, we're just rinsing and repeating the same song and dance.

I get it. I love Tony Stark, his death destroyed me and I to this day, rue the ending he got in Endgame. It misunderstood his arc and it robbed him of a satisfying conclusion. But the solution to that isn't dragging the corpse out of the grave five years later to whitewash an existing character with rich and interesting nuance, just to forcibly tie his existence in the MCU to Tony. Whether he is a variant or not. Why would you want someone else's fave's legacy to be destroyed simply so your fave's legacy can go on? Hell, if we were really all so hellbent on the return of RDJ and/or Tony to the MCU, we have the multiverse for a reason. There were other ways to do it that didn't whitewash and ruin someone else. This just. Isn't something to be happy about.

#... we will not be addressing that i'm a dead blog #no one say a WORD about my inactivity for 4 years this isn't about that /lh #also if anyone tries to get smart about “romani isn't a race” i don't care and you can shut up.#it's an ethnic and cultural identity. and it should be portrayed correctly.#ESPECIALLY for a character like *victor von doom* of all people. like it is fundamental to him.#i would've included panels of the comics mentioned but most of them use the g-slur and i don't wish to encourage that here #like listen i don't think you need to be a comics fan to be an mcu fan. they're so divorced from each other atp #nor do i think the mcu owes complete comic accuracy. but i do think you should at *least* care when characters are whitewashed.#look. i really don't want this to be a debate on if rdj's return is good or not #i've been frankly baffled at how many old mutuals are excited but. whatever if you want him back i get it.#but it shouldn't be like this. not at the expense of a different character.#this whole thing made me realize i'm *far* more jaded and turned off to the mcu than most of you guys are.#which is fair you can still be an mcu fan. if it brings you joy i'm so happy for you #but how does this like. bring joy i don't get it.#this is soulless. it's uninspired. it's done purely for shock value.#i occasionally get asks to this blog about why i left and asking me to come back #and i get it. i *want* to come back.#but i don't *care* about the mcu anymore. this is not the franchise i fell in love with.#i don't recognize what once meant everything to me.#winteriron will always hold a special place in my heart (as will tony stark)#but like. i just don't have love for it. and it sucks that this bullshit from marvel actively kills the love i had.#this sours tony stark to me. i'm sorry but it does. because was it really worth this? is this what his legacy has become?#this does cheapen his legacy btw. like without question. it turns him into a cheap cameo reference. heart of the mcu my ass.#my fandom circles have *massively* changed #i'm now entirely surrounded by comics fans bc my primary fandom is dc comics. that's what i'm up to these days #and the difference was actually baffling to me. everyone i follow now is *pissed* about this. comics twitter is so mad.#and then i see ppl on here excited and i'm just genuinely surprised this is something you want. i don't get it.#i don't say that to be rude. i just don't get it. how is *this* actually something people *want*.#do i still care about marvel? eh.#i like winter soldier comics and i could give a comprehensive rec list. and i read some other characters i deeply enjoy.

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