#in which tessa has too many ideas and needs to get them out

[imaginespazzi]

Part 4: Warning Bells

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9

I don't think I can do this again (do you remember it too?)

(In which a self-admittedly all over the place writer takes you on a bit of a rollercoaster)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Fluff, Angst, Pining (the usuals)

Words: 6.1K

TW: Swearing, Mentions of Divorce

A/N: Hi lovelies :) Guess who made a deadline again? I'm as shocked as y'all are but I do wanna just warn y'all that August is gonna be really busy for me so as much as I'm gonna try to stick to schedule, there's a pretty good chance I won't. I really appreciate y'alls feedback with live-reacts/long reviews and it's truly the motivating factor behind my writing so pretty please keep sending them. I did edit (as usual) but please let me know the most likely existent typos anyway. As always, let me know what you liked, disliked and what you wanna see next. Have a lovely rest of your week my loves <3

March 2033 

Here’s what Azzi has learned about motherhood: having kids means that there will come many times in your life, when you will look around you and wonder how the hell did I get here. It’s that thought that’s currently plaguing her as she finishes hanging up the WELCOME HOME banner on the living room wall in her ex-girlfriend’s new apartment. And when she’s talking about kids, she’s not talking about her five year old who’s currently sticking purple hearts on every surface she can find. No, she’s talking about her 6’5 teammate who she’d once “adopted” as a joke in college, but who’s basically become her surrogate child ever since they’d ended up on the same WNBA team. 

It had started as a casual conversation when Jana, as she often did, had shown up for an impromptu lunch. The topic of Paige was hard to avoid considering it was Stephie’s favorite subject, heightened by the fact that Paige was coming back soon and Stephie was far too excited to finally have her Miss Buecks back. Jana was more than happy to indulge the little girl in conversation about what Paige had been like at UConn. And if Azzi had lost herself in those memories for a moment, transported back in time to a world that had once been blooming with promise before wilting in a darkness she’d created herself, well, she’d done an excellent job not letting it show on her face. 

The real issue had started when Jana had casually let slip her idea of surprising Paige with a little welcome party. And as Stephie had started reciting all the different things they could do -because of course me and Mama will help you Aunty J, Azzi had glared at Jana, only to receive an innocent smile in return that told her everything she needed to know. She’d been set up. 

That’s how, instead of spending her Saturday curled up on her comfortable couch with a book in her hands, Azzi is here instead and in true fashion, she’s the only one actually getting anything done. Jana, who had just left about twenty minutes ago to pick Paige up, had invited some of the other girls on the team to come help out yet, something about more hands on deck. Those supposed helpful hands had spent the last hour blowing up and popping balloons and getting nothing else done.

“I can’t believe y’all have me decorating for the woman who cost me my first national championship,” Joyce laments, “I still have nightmares from that game.”

“You gotta let that hurt go Aunty Joy,” Stephie says impishly, mimicking what Jana would normally say whenever the infamous 2025 South Carolina vs UConn national championship got brought up. 

“Don’t sass me Miss Stephanie,” Joyce sticks out her tongue at the little girl, throwing a purple balloon at Stephie’s head, “hasn’t your Mama taught you that we don’t mock people’s pain.”

“Ignore her Steph,” Tessa says, bumping her former Gamecock teammate as she shares a devilish grin with Azzi’s daughter, “she’s just upset she only won one. Some of us have two.”

Joyce guffaws, throwing another balloon, this time aimed at Tessa, “dude we’re supposed to be on the same team. What would Coach Staley say to you teaming with UConn people of all things to bully me?”

“She’d thank me for making sure you didn’t get a big head,” Tessa snipes back. 

Whatever response Joyce has to that quip is cut short by the doorbell ringing and Azzi feels her heartbeat quicken as Stephie lets out a squeal, dropping everything to go answer it. Things had been different since the facetime call almost two weeks ago. They’d accidentally on purpose settled into a routine where Stephie would call Paige at exactly 7 p.m. and Paige would answer on the first ring, promising to stay on the phone till the little girl fell asleep. And it would’ve been fine if that’s all it was. But then Paige started staying on the phone till after Stephie fell asleep and suddenly it was like they were back to their teenage selves, talking about everything and nothing, trying to learn every page of each other’s story all over again. 

Azzi had missed so much about Paige in the last couple of years but there was nothing she’d missed more than just talking to her best friend. She’d missed the way Paige would tell a story, going off on a million tangents in between. She’d missed the way her eyes would light up when she got to a particularly exciting part of the story, specks of gold shimmering in the blue like sunlight hitting the ocean. She’d missed the way Paige’s hands would be flying animatedly all over the place, even when she was whispering. She’d missed the way the blonde would pause halfway through to observe if Azzi was still listening, making sure all of the attention was still on her. And she’d missed the way that when it was Azzi’s turn to speak, Paige would hang onto every word like it was gospel, intently listening like she’d never forgive herself if she couldn’t recite everything Azzi had just said from memory. She’d missed the way Paige would let her emotions freely flicker across her face, because whatever happened to Azzi, Paige felt it too. 

She’d missed and missed, convinced the pain would be the end of her, until she’d tricked her mind into forgetting. And now Azzi’s beginning to realize that remembering it all again, might just be the thing that kills her. 

“Nevermind,” Stephie walks back to the room, sulking slightly, “it’s just Aunty Liyah.”

“Oh thanks Stephie babe. That makes me feel so wonderful,” Aaliyah says, walking in behind Stephie with an offended expression on her face, “and here I thought bringing cupcakes would make me popular.”

“Tell me those are store-bought Chavez. I ain’t trusting them if you made them yourselves,” Joyce says, side-eyeing the cupcakes. 

“Trust me I would never waste my precious time baking for y’all ungrateful ass-”

“Aaliyah,” Azzi shoots her younger teammate a sharp look.

“-ungrateful people,” Aaliyah corrects sheepishly, “cupcakes because y’all clearly don’t appreciate me.”

“I pre-ciate you Aunty Liyah,” Stephie says innocently, trying to get a better look at the aforementioned cupcakes, “you got the pu-ple ones right? They have to be pu-ple for Miss Buecks.”

Aaliyah bends down to Stephie’s level to show her the box of sweet treats “the perfect purple cupcakes for your Miss Buecks. How come you never wanna do nice things like this for us Stephie?”

“Because Miss Buecks is special,” Stephie retorts matter-of-factly.

“Oh so we’re not special?” Tessa asks, raising an eyebrow at Stephie.

“‘Course you are but Miss Buecks is special-er.”

And while her teammates all pretend to dramatically gasp at that, shaking their heads at Stephie, Azzi feels like someone’s squeezing her heart, twisting and twisting but never fully breaking it. She wonders if that might hurt less.

It’s another 10 minutes later when the doorbell rings again and Azzi watches her daughter’s face break into an incandescent grin, filled with hope, as she rushes to open the door because it has to be Paige this time. Azzi follows after her, trying to keep her breathing under control as anticipation clings to her nerves. Azzi’s gotten so spectacularly good at lying to herself that she tells herself this next one with ease: there’s not a single part of her that’s eager to see Paige again. 

“SURPRISE,” Stephie screams, flinging the front door open with as much strength as she can muster. She doesn’t give Paige a chance to react before she’s throwing herself against the blonde’s legs, hugging her thighs. 

It takes a second for Paige to register what’s happening, but when she does, it’s Azzi she’s looking at. Everything seems to move in slow motion as they stare at each other, the reality of the moment suddenly settling in. Paige is here. In Oakland. They’re going to be teammates; they’re going to see each other almost every day. Just like they used to. Except nothing is like it used to be and as that bitter truth comes up like bile in Azzi’s throat, she has to force herself to look away. 

“Miss Buecks,” Stephie calls out, tugging at the hem of Paige’s white shirt to get her attention, “do you like my surprise?”

Paige tears her eyes away from Azzi, leaning down to pick Stephie up before peppering her faces with kisses and making the younger girl squeal in delight, “best surprise ever.”

And Azzi really, really, can’t watch this. Not when it makes her want to walk over and cocoon herself in with the two of them, makes her want to pretend that she’s living in another life, one where she hadn’t thrown away the chance of a happily ever after with the girl she’d fallen in love with at fourteen, 

“Oh yeah Stephie, your surprise. Take all the credit. Not like the rest of us did anything,” Joyce rolls her eyes goodnaturedly, before pulling Paige into a one-armed hug, “welcome to the Bay Area Bueckers.”

Tessa and Aaliyah are next, both sharing warm hugs with their new teammate. Once they’ve had their turn, all eyes seem to turn to Azzi expectantly and the brunette blanches under their gaze. Other than Jana, who suddenly seems pretty heavily interested in the doorframe, the rest of her teammates don’t know about her past with Paige. So it’s only natural they’d expect her to greet Paige with all the cordiality of an old friend. 

“Y’all good?” Joyce asks slowly, looking between the two of them, “do you want me to introduce y’all or?”

“Shut up,” Azzi murmurs before drawing in a deep breath and stepping towards Paige. She tries not to fixate on the way Paige’s jaw flexes when the blonde swallows, tries not to think about all the patterns she’d once carved against that little patch of skin because she knew it drove Paige insane. The thing is Azzi can’t even really remember the last time they hugged beyond a for-the-cameras one at a game. But as she wraps her arms around Paige, the older woman’s breath tickling against her ear as she grips Azzi’s waist, it doesn’t feel that much different from how it used to be. Paige’s arms are still safe and strong and Azzi still wants to melt into them. But what’s different is that Stephie’s in between them now, tiny hands securely fastened around both of their necks. And Azzi almost, almost gives into the feeling of belonging as she whispers two simple words that mean just a little too much.

“Welcome home.”

***

Seven pairs of eyes watch as the movers move box after box after box into Paige’s apartment, until there’s more cardboard than floor visible. The three non-UConn girlies are wide-eyed as they watch the pile grow endlessly. Meanwhile Jana is laughing while Azzi tries to hide a smile behind her hands as the realization that she’d have to unpack all of her stuff hits Paige in waves, and her expression grows more and more somber. Once the movers are finally done, it’s Stephie, whose hand is still firmly clasped in Paige’s, who breaks the silence. 

“You have a lot of things Miss Buecks,” the little girl crinkles her nose, as she points out the obvious, “do you really need all of this stuff.”

“Of course I do Stephie,” Paige says indignantly and Azzi scoffs, earning her a withering glare from the blond. 

“Aight well it was nice to meet you-” Joyce starts, slowly backing away from the mess until Jana blocks her way. 

“Oh no you don’t. I told y’all we were all gonna help her move in. Call it team bonding,” the Egyptian says, her voice vaguely threatening. 

“Most of the team isn’t even here,” Aaliyah points out cautiously. 

“That’s not the point,” Jana rebukes, “alright team listen up. Here’s how this is going to go-”

“Maybe Paige should take charge. It is her apartment,” Tessa says slowly. 

“If we put Paige in charge she’ll tell us all to go home and procrastinate doing anything until after the season,” Azzi says, a knowing smirk playing on her lips. 

Paige pouts, “hey! I’m not that bad.”

“Oh you absolutely are.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“O-kay,” Jana claps, breaking apart the bickering, “it’s good to see the two of you are apparently younger than Stephie,” she holds up a hands a both Paige and Azzi start to splutter in their defense, “now as I was saying before being rudely interrupted. We’re gonna split this up. Joyce and I are gonna do the living room. Aaliyah and Tessa, y’all are gonna fix the guest room. Which leaves,” Jana smiles, and it’s only because Azzi knows her so well that she can read the menacing sparkle behind it, “Paige and Azzi to tackle the master bedroom.”

They both open their mouths to protest but are quick to get cut off by an excited Stephie, “I’mma help Mama and Miss Buecks!”

“Of course you are, why would you ever help anybody else? Clearly you don’t love us anymore. Not since your precious Miss Buecks got here,” Joyce says dramatically and while Paige smirks and the rest of the girls pretend to act mock offended, Azzi uses the distraction to sidle up to Jana. 

“What the fuck are you playing at El-Alfy,” she hisses under hear breath.

Jana shrugs innocently, “the master bedroom is the hardest because Paige has so many fucking clothes so I’m letting y’all old heads do it. Some of us are below 30 ya know.”

“Cut the bullshit,” Azzi snaps. 

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about Fudd,” Jana says airily as she starts to unpack a box, leaving Azzi muttering curses under her breath. 

“Hey-”

Azzi spins around at the soft voice, only to find herself crashing against a solid body. It’s instinct, the way Paige’s hands immediately reach out to steady her and it’s instinct, the way Azzi’s hands grab at the lapels of the blond’s shirt. Goosebumps trails up her skin as Paige's breath, hot and heavy, fans across her face. They’re too close; way too close and yet the idea of stepping away feels like a sin. Azzi gulps as her thumb accidentally brushes Paige’s collarbone and the other woman shivers under her touch. She thinks she could probably get drunk off the feeling of knowing that she can still affect Paige like that. 

“You uh-” Paige swallows, fingers squeezing involuntarily against Azzi’s hip, “you don’t have to listen to Jana. I can- I can figure it out myself.”

“N-no,” Azzi stutters and she wonders if Paige feels a high from the way she still affects Azzi too, “there’s um- you have- uh- you have a lot of stuff. I can-,” she sucks in a deep breath, “I’ll help.”

“You sure?” there’s a vulnerable edge to Paige’s tone and any resolve Azzi could ever have melts immediately. 

“I want to help,” she says softly, letting a small smile slip onto her lips. 

The smile she gets in return is bright and sparkling, just like Paige herself and Azzi’s heart lurches, pleased to be the one receiving it, pleased to be the one who’d elicited it, “Good, cause I really wanted your help.”

Azzi shakes her head, trying to ignore the warning bells blazing in her head at the fact that they’re still holding each other, “why’d you pretend you didn’t?”

“I just wanted to hear you say it first,” Paige says, biting at her bottom lip. It leaves a light mark and Azzi finds herself wanting to soothe it over with her own tongue.

She thinks it might have been easier if it was just a little harder to fall back into Paige. It shouldn’t be so simple to fall back into late night conversations, so simple to fall back into easy teasing, so simple to fall back into feeling at peace in Paige’s arms. But it is. 

“Mama, Miss Buecks,” it’s Stephie who breaks their bubble but instead of jumping away from each other like they should, they step apart only enough to let the little girl into the space between them, so she can lace her hands through both of theirs, “are you ready?”

“Before you go Paige,” Tessa calls out, holding up a clear bag of corner guards and edge protectors, “what are we doing with these?”

Paige shuffles her feet nervously, “you um- you put them on the edge of like tables and stuff.”

“Bro but they’re for people who have children?” Joyce says, giving Paige a weird look, “you have a kid we don’t know about?”

Paige’s eyes flicker to Stephie for a brief second and Azzi freezes, a warm realization tickling up her spine. Butterflies erupt in her stomach, their wings fluttering to the beat of what’s mine could have been ours. 

“Of course not. I’m just super clumsy so precautions and all that,” the blond explains, shooting Jana a glare when the taller woman barely masks a giggle, “quit procrastinating by asking all these questions and get to work.”

“Has anyone ever told you the importance of first impressions? Because I’m telling you Bueckers, using your teammates as unpaid labor the first time you meet them is not it,” Aaliyah gives Paige a pointed look. 

“This wasn’t even my idea in the first place,” Paige defends. 

“True,” Tessa nods with a sickly sweet smile, “but you’re gonna pay for the pizza anyways.”

“I’m not pay-”

“PIZZA,” Stephie squeals, “Miss Buecks you’re gonna get us Pizza?”

“Yeah Miss Buecks,” Azzi smickers, crossing her arms as Paige’s stubborn retort dies on her lips, “you gonna get us pizza?”

Paige glares at her before she’s swinging Stephie up onto her lap again. And she really needs to stop doing things like that because it’s not remotely good for Azzi’s mental health to watch the way Stephie seems to fit perfectly in Paige’s arms, “of course I am Steph, what do you want?”

The two of them are lost in their own world discussing pizza toppings as Paige starts walking over to the master bedroom, until suddenly they're both turning around, looking at Azzi with identical expressions. And the brunette feels her heart tap out this could be my everything against her ribcage. 

“You coming Azzi?”

“Mama, are you coming?”

I’d go anywhere with the two of you, Azzi thinks as she nods her head, a light skip in her step as she moves to catch up with the two of them. 

“Of course I’m coming.”

***

Less than 10 minutes into trying to unpack, Azzi realizes that she’s the only one trying to unpack anything when she looks up from where she’s been folding t-shirts -trying and failing at not breathing in their familiar scent- to find Stephie decked in a colorful cardigan that goes all the way down to her toes, her feet clad in a pair of PB4’s that must be three times the size of her own shoes. A pair of Louis Vuitton sunglasses hide almost her entire face as she strikes pose after pose and Paige diligently takes pictures of her. 

“YES Stephie,” the blond indulges, “work it girl. There you go babe, hold that pose for me. You’re a natural in front of the camera.”

Stephie giggles and Azzi feels her heart constrict. Her favorite sound in the whole world has never sounded more like a signal for danger. 

“Ahem ahem,” she coughs, narrowing her eyes at the two people in front of her, “doesn’t look like y’all are unpacking to me.”

“Mama Miss Buecks has so many pretty clothes,” Stephie gushes, completely ignoring what her mother just said. 

“They’d look even prettier folded in her closet,” Azzi says pointedly. 

Stephie pouts, “you don’t think I look pretty?”

“You look really pretty in my clothes Stephie,” Paige cuts in, tapping the little girl on the nose before she turns her gaze towards Azzi, “just like your Mama used to.”

The silk material shirt slips out of Azzi’s hand as Paige’s words drizzle around her, like the rain after a drought. It takes every little bit of strength she can muster to force herself to ignore Paige’s words and pick up another shirt to fold even if she can’t stop the rouge tint that colors her face. There’s this part of her that’s been dormant for years but every little interaction with Paige threatens to awaken it and Azzi’s scared that if she lets that happen, she’ll never be able to put it to sleep again. 

“Just- just focus on unpacking,” Azzi mutters darkly. 

She spends the next hour or so, keeping her eyes downcast, her complete focus on the task at hand. Because if she looks up, if she lets herself see the way Stephie and Paige are folding clothes together while giggling about something, if she lets herself see the way Stephie climbs onto Paige’s back so the woman can give her a piggyback to the closet to deposit the folded clothes, she thinks she could fall in love with this moment, capture it behind her eyelids and let it live there forever. But this moment doesn’t belong to Azzi. Because Paige doesn’t belong to Azzi. Not anymore. 

Azzi’s taken away from her thoughts when she feels a tiny hand wrapping around her neck from behind, Stephie’s warm body pressing against her back and just like that, all the tension in her muscles seem to dissipate. 

“What’s up sweetheart,” she asks, turning her head to press her lips against her daughter’s temple. 

“Nothing Mama,” Stephie says sweetly, “just wanted to give you a hug.”

“Sure you’re not just trying to get out of helping Miss Buecks unpack?” Azzi asks slyly, pulling Stephie from behind her, so the little girl’s lying on her lap instead. She can feel Paige’s eyes focused on the two of them and even without looking, she thinks she knows what she’d find in them if she did. 

“Of course not Mama,” Stephie grins and then squeals as Azzi begins to tickle her. 

“I think you are,” Azzi sings-songs as she continues to poke at her daughter’s stomach, reveling in the way it makes the child laugh. 

“N-no Mama stop, stop,” Stephie manages to wrench herself out from Azzi’s grip, darting to hide behind Paige’s legs, “Miss Buecks save me.”

“There’s no saving you now Stephie-bear,” Azzi roars dramatically as she picks herself off the floor, smirking at her daughter as she wriggles her fingers menacingly. 

“You know what the best way to stop someone from tickling you is Stephie?” Paige says slowly, sending the little girl a conspiratorial wink.

“Don’t you dare-” 

“You tickle them back,” Paige yells and Stephie eyes widen with excitement, “did you know your Mama’s extremely ticklish?”

“Paige no,” Azzi starts moving back, hands held in surrender. 

“You started it.”

“Yeah Mama, you started it.”

“Paige. Stephie. Ple-” Azzi cuts herself off with squeal as two sets of hands start mercilessly prodding at her ribcage. She can’t get away, not when Paige has her securely wrapped from the back and Stephie’s pressed against her front, both of them laughing maniacally. They’re a mess of limbs that’s becoming harder and harder to tell apart as the three of them topple onto Paige’s bed. And Azzi thinks maybe she doesn’t want to escape it at all. She thinks she’d like to freeze them in this moment instead. Forever. 

“Pizza’s here,” someone yells from the living room and it’s Stephie who stops first, immediately jumping off the bed at the mention of food, leaving Paige and Azzi alone. On Paige’s bed. Barely an inch of distance between them as they try to catch their breath. It’s Azzi who sits up first, smoothening the wrinkles on her shirt. And just as she’s about to stand up fully, she feels a hand circling around her wrist. 

“It’s gonna be weird being alone tonight,” Paige confesses softly and Azzi feels her breath hitch.

“Didn’t you live alone in Dallas? At least after the divorce?” she tries to keep the bitterness out of her voice at the last word, a bitterness she knows she has absolutely no right to feel. 

Paige shrugs, her shoulders brushing against Azzi’s, “I did but I knew Dallas. I don’t know this place.”

“What exactly are you asking me?” Azzi asks even though she knows. 

“I’m not asking you anything. I don’t know if I have that right anymore” Paige says softly, letting go of Azzi’s wrist as she starts to walk towards the living room, turning her head back slightly once she gets to the door, “I’m just telling you I don’t wanna be alone tonight.”

***

Damn Paige Bueckers and her vulnerable eyes and her earnest tone because Azzi would, really, really like to be enjoying her slice of pizza right now. Instead everything tastes like ashes as Paige’s unsaid plea rings in her head. There are so many reasons why Azzi absolutely shouldn’t give in, why she should grab Stephie, get into her car, drive home and never look back. This involuntary dance the two of them are starting is far too familiar to what they’d done when they were teenagers and the vivid memories of the day the music stopped and they’re feet stopped moving still haunt Azzi every time she lets herself think of it for a little too long. And she shouldn’t push herself into this fire again, not when there’s Stephie to think about, but there’s a tiny little problem. She thinks she might be addicted to burning in Paige’s flames. 

So when the pizza’s done and the house is more or less in order, and her teammates are ready to leave, looking expectantly at Azzi, she finds herself leaping into lava, “um- I think Stephie and I are gonna stay for a little bit longer.”

“We are?” Stephie asks, a huge smile stretching the length of her face as she looks up at her mother. 

“Yeah. Um- Paige’s bedroom still um- still needs some work,” Azzi tries to justify her decision, ignoring the heat of the blond’s eyes that seem to be perpetually stuck staring at her. 

Joyce raises a perplexed eyebrow, “it looked done to me.”

Paige clears her throat, “there’s definitely uh- a couple more things that need to be handled.”

“It’s almost Stephie’s bedtime. I could stay and help-” Jana begins, eyeing the two of them suspiciously.

“No,” Paige says, a little louder than necessary, “I mean you’ve already done so much for me today Jana,” she manages a smirk, “let Azzi pull her weight a little bit too ya know.”

Janna narrows her eyes but doesn’t push it. It’s oddly domestic, standing side by side with Paige bidding goodbye to their teammates, Stephie in between them happily waving at the people that are leaving. The warning bells get louder and louder; Azzi continues to do nothing to stop them. 

“Mama, how long are we staying?” Stephie asks innocently. 

“We um-” Azzi chews at her lip, finally giving into the temptation to look at Paige, “we’re gonna stay with Miss Buecks tonight so she doesn’t feel alone.”

The shrill scream that escapes Stephie’s mouth could probably break glass as she turns herself around to grab at Paige’s waist, “Miss Buecks I’m gonna stay with you! We’re gonna have a sleep-over.”

Paige laughs, kneeling down so she’s face to face with the little girl, “yeah we are.”

“Are you scared to sleep alone too Miss Buecks?” Stephie asks cautiously, cupping Paige’s face with tiny hands. 

“Just a little bit,” Paige admits, leaning into Stephie’s touch. 

“Me too,” Stephie whispers shyly, “that’s why I sneak into Mama's bed and she gives me lots and lots and lots of cuddles. Mama’s cuddles are the best,” she turns to Azzi, “Mama will you give Miss Buecks cuddles tonight too?”

“I uh-” Azzi swallows, taken aback by the question, “I thought you didn’t like sharing Mama’s cuddles?”

“I don’t,” Stephie agrees, “but I’d be okay sharing them with Miss Buecks.”

***

Azzi had planned -a loose term because really she hadn’t planned on any of this- for her and Stephie to take the guest room. Paige had been ready to give up her own room on the grounds of politeness. And Stephie was insistent that she needed to sleep in between both Mama and Miss Buecks tonight because it’s a sleepover we all have to stay together. Obviously out of the three of them, only one of them was going their way and it didn’t take a genius to figure out who that would be.  That’s how they’d ended up here, dragging chairs and pillows and blankets into the middle of the living room to create a makeshift fort. 

Azzi’s putting on the finishing touches, stringing purple fairy lights Paige had produced out of nowhere, when Stephie emerges from Paige’s bedroom where she’d gone looking for something to wear in lieu of pajamas. 

“Mama look what I found,” Stephie beams, proudly pointing at the black t-shirt she’s found that covers her whole body, “it’s you and Miss Buecks when you were littler.”

It’s their SLAM cover t-shirt and Azzi feels tears prickling at her waterline as she’s met with the picture of a younger version of the two of them. Back when they’d been so hopeful and carefree, ready to take on the world as long as they could do it together. Back when they’d been 2 in a million.

“I can’t believe you still have this,” Azzi whispers, unable to stop herself from running her fingers across the version of who they used to be. She wonders what those girls would think of them now; those girls who’d laid and bed and pinky promised forever. She thinks they’d probably be appalled at the fact that Paige and Azzi had spent eight years barely speaking. She thinks maybe they’d hate her for what she’d done. She thinks maybe she hates herself a little bit for what she’s done to them. 

Paige is leaning against the wall, her voice quiet when she speaks, “I couldn’t let it go.”

And they both know she’s not talking about the shirt. 

“Can we watch a movie?” Stephie asks, diving into the fort and peering up at the two adults. 

Paige recovers first, “yeah- yeah of course Steph,” she looks at Azzi, “do you- do you want something else to sleep in?”

“I’m good,” Azzi says, trying to inconspicuously brush away a rebellious tear. The shirt she’s wearing feels itchy against her skin but she doesn’t think she could handle wearing something of Paige’s. She scooches into the fort, leaning back against one of the pillows and Stephie’s quick to curl into her and Azzi absentmindedly rubs her hands down her daughter’s back. Paige switches on the TV, letting Stephie dictate a movie choice before letting herself into the fort, laying down on Stephie’s other side. 

“Miss Buecks come cuddle,” Stephie demands from where her head is laying on Azzi’s chest. When Paige hesitates, the younger girl takes it upon herself to pull Paige’s arms over her, making the older woman lie on her side so she can drape her hands over Stephie's stomach, accidentally brushing against Azzi’s ribcage. Stephie lets out a satisfied sigh, lying back down against Azzi, crossing her arms so she can hold Paige’s hand with one and latch onto her mother with the other. 

“Perfect.”

And it is. The sound of Stephie’s chatter slowly fading away mixed with Paige’s quiet breathing is the perfect lullaby and Azzi finds herself drifting off into the best sleep she’s had in years. 

***

Sunlight peeks in through the window and Azzi groans at the interruption. Her whole body feels a little stiff, not used to sleeping on the floor like this. A quick glance at her phone tells her it’s 7 a.m. and Azzi’s just about to let herself fall back asleep when her eyes land on the two sleeping figures next to her. Stephie’s face is buried in Paige’s neck, one arm slung over her waist. Paige, mouth slightly ajar as she sleeps, has both hands fastened on the younger, holding her tightly against her chest like she’d fight the world if someone tried to steal her from her grip. They look happy, content, at peace. And Azzi can’t breathe. 

The warning bells in her head create a cacophonous commotion that she can no longer escape. It hits her like whiplash that she can’t do this. She doesn’t know what had gotten into her last night, why she’d agreed to this, to any of this. But she can’t do this. 

“Stephie,” Azzi whispers urgently, trying to pull her daughter out of Paige’s grasp, “Stephie wake up.”

“Az?” Paige asks groggily, stirring in her sleep, “what’s going on?”

“We need to go home,” Azzi says and she can’t bear to look at Paige. 

“What?” Paige is far more awake now as she glances at her phone, “it’s 7 am Azzi. What’s the rush?"

Azzi ignores her, still trying to wake Stephie up who groans, “Mama too early.”

“Steph-”

“Azzi,” Paige’s voice is firm as she wraps her hand around Azzi’s wrist, slipping Stephie off of her, “what is going on.”

Azzi grits her teeth, “nothing’s going on. We just need to go home.”

“Azzi-”

“We shouldn’t have stayed last night Paige,” Azzi bursts out and Paige freezes. 

“Come out of the fort Azzi,” the blond says, her voice eerily calm as she stands up. Azzi follows after her, heart beating rapidly against her chest as she tries to keep the tears at bay. 

“We need to go home,” the brunette repeats, struggling to breathe, “this was a mistake,” Paige flinches and Azzi feels a knife turn in her own hurt, “we can’t do this.”

“Do what Azzi?” Paige asks exasperatedly, still trying to keep her voice low for Stephie’s sake. 

“This,” Azzi all but shrieks, throwing her hands up, “it’s too much, too quick and Stephie- Stephie’s getting attached and I can’t- I can’t let that happen.”

“Why not?” Paige argues stubbornly. 

“Because these last two weeks she couldn’t fall asleep without you on the phone. Because you’re all she talks about sometimes. Because she’s gonna want you forever,” Azzi’s voice breaks, “and she can’t have you forever.”

“Az-”

“And you’re getting attached too. I see the way you look at her and it’s amazing but it’s not- it’s not sustainable Paige. For either of you. Because you’re gonna find someone soon,” the words taste sour on Azzi’s tongue, “and you’re not gonna have time for her and missing you is going to kill her and the guilt of that is going to hurt you. I’m trying to pro-”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Paige’s voice is hard now, eyes gleaming with fire, “you’re basing all of this on a hypothetical that might not even come true. You’re not protecting anybody. You’re projecting.”

Azzi reels back, “I am not projecting.”

“Yes you are,” Paige hisses, “you’re not scared of Stephie or me getting too attached. You’re scared of yourself getting too attached.”

“Mama? Miss Buecks,” Stephie’s tired eyes look warily between the two of them, “what’s going on?”

Azzi plasters a smile on her face as she picks up her little girl, trying to pretend that the truth in Paige’s words haven’t just made her feel hollow, “we’re going home Stephie.”

“I don’t wanna go home,” Stephie fights against Azzi’s grip, looking helplessly at Paige, “Miss Buecks I wanna stay. Can I please stay?”

“You have to listen to your Mama sweetheart” Paige says softly, heartbreak written over her face as she moves to press a kiss against Stephie’s knuckles, “but I’ll see you soon okay. I promise.”

“Miss Buecks,” Stephie whimpers and Azzi has never hated herself more as she rushes out of Paige’s new house, willing herself to not look back. She buckles Stephie in the back, pretending she doesn’t see the way Paige is watching them leave from the porch, like she’d do anything to stop it. And then she drives away. 

It isn’t until she’s safely in the confines over her own room, that Azzi finally lets the tears fall. And she consoles herself with the fact that it’s okay to crack her daughter's heart, to crack Paige’s heart, to crack her own heart, if that’s the only way she can stop their hearts from breaking altogether.

[bluginkgo]

On today's Ginkgo rambles, we have

what is going on with Tessa and why I find her very suspicious.

Spoilers, duh

The main thing that glares at me is how she interacts between the team and what she says. Or, more specifically, how inconsistent she is with the information she gives us. When we first see her, she says:

"Her [Cyn] last known act was siccing you lot on human exo-planets."

N: "But why?"

J: "That's what we're trying to figure out, bozo."

And-

"If she [Cyn] wants these labs. We burn them down!"

But later, she switches it up.

"When we get to the lab and find that list..."

Why was there a switch? She went from "we are burning this sh*t down!" To "I actually need the labs to get the list of drones that are infected."

So what gives?

The only thing I can see is J's presence. It's strange too isn't it? Tessa specifically told J to stay back and mind her ship. Illiciting this weird pause in the trio.

The entire time in N's memories/flashback, it's shown that J follows Tessa all over. Granted, N's memories are a bit of a shaky land to base anything off of. Many of the things that happened in N's memories did not actually happen in real life. More specifically, the gala massacre happened, yes. But N, V, Tessa, and J most likely did not fight eldrich Cyn like in Episode 5, Home. Given that we have nothing else, we can at least infer that J and Tessa are pretty close friends- specifically taking the scene when Tessa asks J to act as a "ripping royal stud." J, who we have seen to be very strict, showed concern for Tessa's hand injury (which is another thing I'll touch on).

With all this in mind, why would Tessa do that? They've been together ever since the first clip of then in episode 3, The Prommening. Why would Tessa forgo the extra security that J provides? Supposedly, Tessa knew that N and V have forgotten about her due to the CYN administration program. We see this from when Tessa first interacts with them,

"N! You remember- *cough cough*" It seems that she knew that N and V, to some degree, do not remember her or working for her as butler and maid. That detail would put her at a risk, wouldn't it? N and V are almost like strangers, not to mention Uzi bit her the second she got close enough. Having J with her would be safer for her. Instead, she tells J to mind her ship.

Now, there are a couple of things that I could think of.

1. J is a liability somehow. This is the more insane and unhinged idea, therefore has more holes. But basically, the thought is that the absolute solver somehow has a stronger hold on J and is using her to gather data on Tessa's movements. Tessa might have realized that the corrupted core with ths absolute solver in J is a liability to what Tessa is actually trying to do. Therefore, she says "we burn the labs!" When J is there, but when she's gone Tessa switches to her true goal which is "get the list." There is a glaring hole here tho. How would Tessa know that the corrupted cores in N and V do not have a strong hold on them? Maybe the hint to her was that N remembered her. But J hasn't shown signs that she doesn't remember Tessa either. But the counter to that could be that J views Tessa as a JcJenson technician, therefore Tessa is already supposed to have that level of respect/loyalty.

2. J is backup. This would make more sense. We can't have the entire gang going down into the labs, and not have someone as backup in case things go south. They'll need someone to either drag them out or finish the job of burning the labs down if the gang isn't successful.

3. Tessa herself is what's weird. J, N, and V are all acting like themselves, the only person that we've seen to have a change in their personality is Tessa. Maybe Tessa is posessed with something something, more unhinged idea rant. But you get the idea. Of course, no one can go through seeing your parents and friends killed, and then kinda causing the fall of the entire planet earth and come out with the same personality as you had originally. So maybe, she simply matured rapidly, and that gave her the more cold side we often see throughout Episode 6, Dead End.

I'm mostly very suspicious of Tessa because V was too. While the trio were making their way over to the elevator, V had one of her eyes/sensors on Tessa the entire time.

After V saw that Tessa was no longer trustworthy and that the sentinels did not listen to her, she stopped following along with Tessa. Just as many more people have mentioned, it's really sad how V's true personality and care only shone in the second half of episode 6. How protective V became of Uzi and N. Taking lead while walking down the corridor, and taking lead in fighting the sentinels.

Now as for this! Tessa's hand injury, or something at least being wrong with her hand. Liam would not include this just because. Something is wrong with her left hand, and we have to keep that in mind for some odd reason. I have a feeling that the injury will come up later in eps 7 and 8. Perhaps if the theory of this Tessa being the imposter, then the gang will have to figure it out by basing it off of Tessa's left hand injury. That, or maybe this Tessa is the real one, and the injury might cause a hiccup in the fight that is gonna go down in ep 7 or 8.

Of course, as per usual, I could simply be looking in too deep to this. Feel free to gut this! ^_^

[hugsandchaos]

Takes place in an AU that now, thanks to the lovely @leefl00f, has a name; Earthbound AU! Credit to @leefl00f for the ideas for both this scenario and the name of the AU!! Thank you so much!!

J picked up another chair and walked over to Tessa’s bed. The chair nearly covered her view, but she was able to see around it thanks to the dim lights of the few night lights decorated around her destination. One of the night lights was a rainbow, that did indeed give off multicolored light, and another was a soft yellow duckling. The third was shaped as a sun and gave off the most light. She stopped in front of the foot of the bed and glanced over at Tessa, who was pulling a folded blanket out from one of her drawers, one that was dark blue with yellow stars. She squinted her eyes slightly and hummed.”A little bit closer, please.” She said. J took a single step closer to the bed. Tessa smiled and nodded.”That’s perfect!” She said.

J smiled and set the chair down just as V came over with a second chair, which she placed to the opposite side of J’s chair while still at the foot of the bed.”Should we use books to hold the blanket down?” V suggested. Tessa finally got the blanket out and began unfolding it, but slowly incase she needed the blanket partly folded for when they use it as a roof for their fort.”That’s a great idea!” Tessa agreed. Once she decided to leave the blanket folded only once, Cyn grabbed one end of the blanket and Tessa moved her hands to hold the other. J and V moved out of the way as they both walked to the bed and chairs, setting one end of the blanket on the bed and the other end on the seat of the chairs. The corners and sides of the blanket slipped and fell off one of the chairs and nearly brought the rest down with it, but Cyn and Tessa still had their grips on it. V began walking towards the door to leave Tessa’s bedroom.”I’ll go to the library and see what I can find.” She said.

Cyn turned her head to V as she moved closer to the door.”Wait, I have an idea.” She said. V stopped and turned around. Knowing that she now had her attention, Cyn voiced her request.“Can you ask N if he wants to join?” She asked. J turned her head to Cyn with a look of slight surprise.

N wasn’t exactly rude or anything, but he was a very odd worker drone. The most obvious examples of this were his height, tail, and how his legs and arms were built compared to literally everyone else. Ever since his arrival, when James brought him into the manor after going out for a walk, N has also acted strangely, with an aura that seemed to follow him everywhere he went that said “Don’t get too close”. Cyn noticed J’s expression and immediately continued speaking to defend him.”He’s not so bad. He’s actually really nice!” She said. She looked back at V. Some who don’t know Cyn might not understand it since her expressions often look the same to newcomers, but V could tell it was a hopeful one.

Truth be told, they were all trying to get along with N, and Cyn had been spending a lot of her free time trying to bond with him. Even though it was a bit difficult since he was mainly nocturnal. Anyways, now that she thought about it, V agreed that this could be an opportunity for everyone to get to know him.“Sure, I’ll ask him.” She said. Cyn’s smile grew wider and her fangs were now visible.”Thank you.” She said. V smiled back and waved them bye as she left the room.

V walked down the dimly lit hallways and was fairly surprised, but also not surprised at the severe lack of other drones that would usually be moving through nearly every hall. It was rare for the manor to be so quiet and empty feeling, but that wasn’t saying it was terrible. Louisa and James had gone out to catch their flight for a business meeting that would last about a week, so many of the worker drones were taking the time off and were probably in bed by now. Of course, some of them still made sure to keep the place clean and tidy. After all, who likes a dirty space?

As she passed a window, she paused and took a moment to appreciate the last bit of light from the sun before it vanished from beneath the horizon. After that, V continued down the hall and took a left to enter the library. She turned on the light switch and the entire library immediately lit up. The red carpet split into three different directions — forward, left, and right. V knew where to find the bigger books and continued straight, passing under signs such as “ACTION”, “MYSTERY”, “THRILLER”, “HORROR”, and more. Once she reached the “HISTORY” sign, she took a right towards the many shelves. It was usually the history and literary books that were the biggest, so she’d definitely find some books heavy enough to hold the blanket in place nearby. If those two didn’t work, she’d move onto the biology section since she’s spotted a few very big books containing tons of information about prehistoric life there. Very quickly, however, V found the first of the four heavy books she’d need. The only problem was it might be a bit too high for her to reach and she didn’t see the ladder anywhere.

V reached her arms up, but it didn’t work. She stretched even higher and used one arm to grab the shelf the book was on, but the other could barely touch the book. Even when she stood onto her “toes” and slightly groaned from how much she was trying, she still couldn’t do anything more than grace her fingers across it in poor attempts to get a grip and pull it closer. Finally, she let herself stand normally again and let out a frustrated sigh as she began to turn around.”Where is the ladd—!!” V cut herself off with a startled yelp when she saw N standing next to her. N took a short step back away from her and looked surprised himself before quickly calming back down. V also calmed down and smiled, relieved that it was only him and not some intruder.”It’s just you, N. You came out of nowhere!” She said. N didn’t give her a verbal response and his expression didn’t really change. Instead, he simply took a step closer and reached up to the book she had been trying to grab. He didn’t have too much trouble as he pulled it off the shelf with one hand and offered it to her. She had to hold it with two hands since it was a little heavy.”Oh, thank you!” V said. N simply nodded and turned around to begin walking away.

V instantly remembered Cyn’s request and continued talking to stop him.”Oh, since you’re here, I have a question.” She said. N stopped and turned around.”We’re building a pillow fort and wanted to know if you wanted to join. I’m sure it’ll be fun!” She said. The odd drone looked at her confused, as if he didn’t understand what she just said. After a few seconds, she elaborated.“A pillow fort. You know, when you build something out of pillows and sometimes blankets?” She said.

N still looked confused, but nodded in agreement.”Great! We need three more books to hold the blankets down, so let’s go find some.” V said. As she started walking down the aisle to find three more, N turned back around and sprinted off. V was confused for a second, but assumed that he was just doing what she requested and was going to get another book. She smiled to herself as she continued slowly walking down the aisle of shelves, scanning them carefully for a book about as big as the one she held. She was happy to soon find another one at a shelf she could reach and picked it up, placing it on top of the one already in her arms. When she turned back, N was there again and holding two books that looked around the same size.”That was fast.” V commented. She walked past him and smiled.”Come on, let’s head to Tessa’s room.” She said.

N followed her out of the library and into the hallway. As they walked hall, V noticed how uneasy he appeared. His digital yellow eyes were slightly wide and remained fixated on what was ahead, as if he was expecting something to jump out. This was a small issue with many new drones who come into the manor; they’re sometimes scared and anxious. V certainly was. She remembered what it was like for her, and that made her determined to help N feel comfortable as well. She didn’t like the way he backed away and glared at her when they first met.

“Read any good books recently?” She asked to try to ease the tension. N briefly glanced at her, then at the floor, and then shook his head and looked forward. They took a turn towards Tessa’s bedroom.”Maybe I could recommend one for you if you want.” She offered. N waited a bit before nodding again.”Alright. After this, how about we go back to the library and see what you might like?” V asked. N once again nodded. For a split second, V thought she saw a small smile begin to creep its way onto his face, but it vanished before it had fully formed. Knowing this was a small step in a good direction, she smiled at him.”It’s a plan then.” She said.

V entered the room first and immediately noticed the change that had occurred while she was gone. There were two more chairs, the seats facing the opposite of the first two chairs and placed paralleled with the first ones. A second large blanket was draped over the backs of the chairs and remained in place, and was big enough to hang a few inches next to the seats of the second pair of chairs, and probably the first chairs as well. The height of the new addition looked twice of that of what V had seen before leaving. Before N entered the room, he paused just before the doorway, glancing between all four of them. V stopped walking when she noticed him freeze and turned to him.”What’s wrong?” She asked. N was silent for a bit before shaking his head and walking into the room with her, which was even more confusing. Still, V walked in and smiled as J, Cyn, and Tessa finally noticed them. Cyn’s smile seemed to grow bigger when she saw them come into the room.”How nice of you to join us, N!” Tessa said. N gave them a small wave in return. He glanced at the fort and his expression shifted to one of confusion. V walked over to the bed on the left side and placed one of the books on something.”You three added more to the fort while I was gone?” She asked.

“Yeah! That way, we have a bigger section for games and the smaller one can be for anyone who wants to just relax and enjoy a bit of quiet time!” Tessa explained, pointing at the different sections as she spoke. J picked up a pillow from Tessa’s bed and walked over to the entrance, where Cyn was sitting down.”As quiet as they can get, at least.” She bent down and handed it to Cyn, who turned around and crawled into the blanket fort with it. N walked silently past J and moved to the other side of the bed, watching and copying V’s actions with the books he had been carrying. Now the books held all four corners of the blanket on the bed and the seat of the first two chairs.”Thank you.” V said. N nodded and moved out of the way as J grabbed the last remaining pillow from the bed and handed it to Tessa, who took it and crawled inside as Cyn came out.”We’re almost done!” She cheered.”We just need a few more pillows.” She said.

“J and I will take care of that.” Cyn said. J nodded in agreement and they both left the room to go to one of the closest holding spare pillows and blankets down the hall. N looked at the fort again and glanced back at V.”Come on, let’s go see the inside!” She said before moving to the front of the fort and lifting the blanket slightly to get inside. N slowly walked to the front and looked down hesitantly. After a few seconds of inner debating, he crawled inside.

He sat next to the chair to his left, out of the way of the others and the entrance. The inside of the fort was... new to him. Inside, there was an odd glowing thing he believed was a “duck night light” illuminating the space and multiple pillows lining the edges of the walls, all similar, but still slightly different colors and patterns. The blanket hanging from that chair to the other to make a wall barely touched his back, so no one freaked out and thought he would accidentally cause it to fall down. Everything looked so... comfy? It felt almost unreal to him. Tessa clapped her hands and slightly startled N from his thoughts.”Once J and Cyn get back, we’re all going to play a game!” She said. V scooted next to N as Tessa crawled to the other section of the fort, which was surprisingly split into two by a third blanket, folded and hooked around the spaces between the chairs’ backs.”Have you really never seen a pillow fort?” V asked, trying to keep the worry from her tone. N shook his head and glanced at the plushies on the floor.”We never even had pillows. Or blankets.” He whispered. That wasn’t what V was expecting. Sure, some humans were bad enough to not allow their workers to have proper living space sometimes, but to go their whole life not having one or the other? N pointed at a nearby golden retriever plushie.”Or whatever those things are.” He added in a hushed tone.

“Those are plushies. They’re originally made for kids, but it’s not unheard of for adults to have them.” V explained. She picked it up and held it as if showing it to him, even though he’s already seen it.”They’re very soft.” She said. N slowly lifted his hand and touched it on the head, and once he did, he seemed to calm down a little and nodded in agreement. Before V could say anything else, Tessa came back with a cardboard box. She placed it in the middle of the fort.“This is an old board game called The Game Of Life, from the early 2000’s! Would you like to play?” Tessa asked. N shook his head. V was a little saddened that she had only gotten him to talk for a short bit, but at least she had finally heard his voice. She was happy about that. She smiled and set the plushie down.”I’ll play.” She said.

N turned his head to outside the fort just before the three of them heard the door open and close. He slowly lifted the blanket and saw J and Cyn returning with the last pillows needed for the fort.”Did we miss anything?” Cyn asked as she climbed inside, mumbling the word “crawl” to herself. V shook her head as J soon followed Cyn into the second section.”No, we were going to wait for you two.” She said.

“Do you two want to play The Game Of Life?” Tessa asked. Pretty soon, the two came back and took their seats; N and V on the left side of the fort, Tessa and Cyn on the right side, and J sitting in front of the entrance to the other section. Now that everyone was there, N would be lying if he said he wasn’t starting to feel a little claustrophobic since he still wasn’t entirely comfortable around them, but he still wanted to see what was so fun about it.”Yes!” Cyn replied. She already knew which character she’d pick.”Yeah, I’ll play.” J agreed. Tessa opened the box, and after setting the board out on the floor and everyone got their characters, the game started.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Again?!” J asked angrily. Cyn and Tessa both had their mouths covered and fought to surprise the urge to laugh at their friend’s dramatic reaction at landing on yet another tax space.”Why me?!” She asked. N looked slightly uncomfortable with her outbursts, but still stayed and said nothing. He could understand why she was upset, anyways. V, however, accidentally let a few giggles slip out. J glared at her.“Are you laughing at me?!” She asked.

“Snrk — No! No, I wasn’t laughing!” V said, smiling almost uncontrollably. J grabbed a pillow from right next to her and crawled outside of the fort, careful not to mess up the board.”Grab a pillow, V!” She said as she left. Tessa and Cyn looked at V.”Oh, you’re dead.” Tessa said. N’s eyes widened and he turned to V as she grabbed a nearby pillow.”Yeah, I know.” She said. Before she could leave, N reached an arm up in front of her and urged her to sit back down. V raised an eyebrow in confusion.”What are you doing?” She asked, but N didn’t move his arm or respond.”Can you please put your arm down so J and I can have our pillow fight?” She asked. N looked at her confused.

“Pillow fight. You know, you just hit each other with pillows, but not hard enough to do actual damage, just irritation.” V said. N stared at her for a few seconds before putting his arm down to let her go outside. V took the pillow and crawled outside, and N glanced over at Cyn and Tessa.”This happens sometimes, it’s harmless.” Cyn said, sensing N’s slight discomfort at the idea of an actual fight. Tessa, on the other hand, seemed oblivious to this as she grabbed a nearby pillow with a big smile of her face.”Have at thee!” She cried as she rushed out of the fort. Cyn looked at her slightly disappointed.”Some people are just a little competitive.” She said. They both soon heard grunting and the sound of pillows striking each other from outside the fort.

“Apologize!” J demanded. The following soft thud gave the impression that she just hit V with her pillow.

“I did!” V said.

“Apologize again!” J said.

“Surrender, villain!” Tessa chimed in, presumably going for J judging by the repetitive pillow strikes and J telling her to stop.

“Yeah, get her, Tessa! Ow! Wait, you’re supposed to be on my side!” V said.

“I’m on my own side, V!”

After a moment or two of pillow fighting, Cyn sighed and used her solver to pick up a pillow.”If you can’t beat them, join them.” She said. With that, she left the fort to also join the fight, leaving N to think.

He thought about what he’s done leading up to this point and what he should do next. These people have been surprisingly nice and understanding of something they didn’t even understand, even when he was very rude and lashed out at them for getting too close. He hadn’t been forced into any terrible training or sparring matches, but was instead often asked to do favors when he was awake, such as helping to put tables away for example. N wasn’t sure what exactly to think of everything happening, but it seemed to be safe. At least, compared to back at the facility. The only real threats seemed to be Louisa and the heat of this planet, and he could handle both of those problems. Listening to the others fight outside — the mixture of light thumps, giggles, and half hearted threats — N started to want to join them. It sounded a lot like wrestling or play fights, but on a softer level than even them. Slowly, he lifted the blanket to peek outside the fort.

J was using herself to shield Tessa from Cyn, who used the solver to pick up two pillows and throw them at the two. V was hiding under a desk and using her own pillow as a barrier, peeking out with a nervous, but also happy look. N let the blanket fall back down and looked at the pillows inside the fort. Should he join? How would he ask? And most importantly; how much strength should he use? The last thing he wanted was to accidentally ruin the fun by causing serious harm. N grabbed the pillow and peeked out again. J had grabbed one of the pulled Cyn threw and lightly smacked her with it.

Just enough to cause irritation.

N had made his decision, but he wasn’t going to strike just yet. He was going to do the same thing he’s been doing all along; watch and wait.

~~~~~~~~~~~

J stood in front of the other three proudly, holding her pillow at the fallen drones and human like a sword.”Anyone want to try facing me again?” She asked smugly. Cyn opened her mouth to say something, but then stopped when she noticed something. Behind J, N slowly crawled out of the pillow fort with a pillow in his hand. He noticed Cyn looking at him and put a finger up to his mouth with a small smile. Cyn nodded and looked back up at J.”I won’t.” She said, admitting defeat. Tessa shook her head and also noticed N creeping up behind the supposed winner, not making a single sound as he walked. She knew immediately what she had to do and played along.”No, I think you’ve beaten me this time.” She said. J glanced at V, who also caught on to what was happening. By now, N was almost right behind her.”You’ve beaten me, too.” She said, holding her hands up in surrender.

J let out a small laugh.”Looks like I win.” She said. N raised the pillow with one hand and tapped J on the shoulder. J hummed in confusion and calmly turned around, thinking someone had come in without her noticing. Instead, she saw N standing very close with a pillow in his other hand. Before she could lift her pillow up in defense, N had already hit her on the head with it. The whole thing caught her off guard and made her stumble a bit, but before she could recover, she tripped over Tessa’s foot and fell down on top of her. N’s face changed from slight mischief to surprise and leaned closer, looking pretty worried. Tessa soon started laughing and hugged J before she could get up, but that didn’t stop J from looking at him pretty surprised.”Where did you come from?!” She asked. N blinked and his shoulders shook a bit as he closed his eyes, like he was trying not to laugh. J fought in Tessa’s hold.”You dare laugh at me?! Tessa, let me go! This is war!” She said. Tessa couldn’t hold her for long, especially while laughing with V and Cyn, so J soon got out and picked up the pillow she had dropped during her fall.

She quickly started hitting N with the pillow repeatedly, but N appeared almost unbothered by it, simply trying to swat at her pillow and protect himself. He had stopped laughing, but still held back a smile the best he could. Despite it, though, the corners of his mouth twitched upwards multiple times. The entire time, the stinger on his tail would occasionally flick rapidly from side to side, almost like a dog wagging its tail. Soon enough, he dropped his pillow.”Ha! You’ve dropped your weapon! Admit defeat!” J shouted, holding her pillow up near his neck with both arms as if it was an actual weapon. N covered his mouth with one hand, definitely smiling now, and nodded. J gave him one last smack to the arm for good measure.”Good. Remember, I’m the pillow fight champion!” She declared. N nodded again and J set the pillow down.

V stood up and helped Cyn up.”Now that we’re done, how about we watch MLP?” She suggested. Tessa gasped and clapped her hands in excitement.”Yes!! I’ll go get it started! V, you go get the batteries!” She said, and before anyone could say more, she had sprinted out of the room to go find her father’s laptop. N raised an eyebrow and glanced between them.”I will explain it.” V said as she began to walk out of the room. N followed her.

As soon as they left, Cyn looked at J with a smile.”See? I told you he’s not that bad.” She said.

[sunskate]

Tbh - and I’m aware this opinion might get me shot in V/M fandom circles - I put as much blame on Tessa and Scott for Seasons as I do Marina. More, even. They were experienced senior athletes who knew what it took to win Olympic Gold and create an Olympic moment and were fully capable of taking ownership of their careers. Meryl and Charlie had done their prep work and had their Sochi music picked out for THREE YEARS. By their own admission they knew very early on in the choreography process that Seasons didn’t feel right and it’s on them that they didn’t take the initiative to find something else that did. They were past the age to need handholding and I thought implying Marina had ‘sabotaged’ them with the music choice they had gone along with was a tiny bit…childish. Which I suspect they thought so too once they got a bit of distance and perspective and it’s why they doubled down on Moulin Rouge in the face of opposition from Marie and Patrice.

that doesn't sound like it should be controversial - ultimately, they had the opportunity to say no or to find music they loved and didn't

Tessa and Scott had instability going on that DW didn't have, especially concerning her health. but they still had agency. i had assumed when they said Marina wasn't in their corner, they meant many kinds of support - did they say outright she didn't give them winning programs?

VM were used to the coaches being the law, they'd been given amazing programs year after year - it might have been hard to break out of that mindset suddenly in an Olympic season. but you're right, they were adults and experienced athletes. i've never thought VM had no responsibility. i'm just more puzzled by Marina choosing Seasons than by why they stayed with it. the idea that they had to do a Russian themed FD came from her, and i'm perplexed she landed on Glazunov, when there are so many other choices - Russia has fantastic ballet composers - they could have skated Tchaikovsky or Stravinsky or Prokofiev

[mcalhenwrites]

Close enough to 2024 to ramble about this year and the coming one. I have goals.

Writing goals are first and foremost. Those will be the main focus of the year. It's my life and my career after all. If I couldn't find time for writing, I really wouldn't care about the rest. I love writing too much to want to do anything else more than that. XD - Publish Geckos, Automata. If it sells, that'd be great. I'm beginning to think it won't. Publishing it anyway, never shutting up about it, gonna keep spamming it until my followers either interact or just leave. - Tweaking the ending of That's... Not a Cat. Polishing cover. Putting it out there as an ebook. - Rewriting Stargazers' Hill. The thing I said I wouldn't do, but I have ideas on how to fix it, and I badly want to stay with those stupid characters even longer. (I get way too attached. My worst traits as an author, maybe? Don't care, I do what I want. :P ) I can't predict the rest because I don't trust my muses, but I suppose I'm going to work on a bunch of other things, from dragon universe stories to other things I've started. New stories are springing up, and I need to water them~ Really excited about developing Hervey/Algernon, but I think that one needs to steep a bit. :) I'm going to also at least finish one crocheted dragon. Probably Willow. Or Tessa's human form. Will post with writing so you can't have crochet without my writing content attached, bc honestly fuck all the pain crochet brings me. :) (Though I do want to finish my KHUX stained glass blanket, which I probably won't post when I'm done, bc I don't post my non-writing-related crochet 99% of the time. I just tell people I don't crochet so they stop asking for free patterns/gifts/tutorials/etc. So yeah. Don't crochet around here, fuck that shit.) Anyway. :) Money isn't great, so I probably won't play too many games, but I will be playing MISSING LINK when it comes out since it's F2P mobage (which is... ugh, but my favorite part of KH lore has been on the mobile games of all things). And Fantasy Life i, I saved already for that. ;A; This year, I did play some great games! Mostly on my switch. To no one's surprise, RF4 Special is here. Favorite game of all time. Harvestella is a rare treat, highly recommend. :D

And onto reading goals... thinking 90 books for my 2024 goal! My books this year are at 130 currently, and probably won't get much higher if at all unless I finish my re-read of Chobits, but here's that list:

Some of these are re-reads, many are not. Quite a few indie books, quite a bit of manga/comics in there... I re-read Loveless after deleting that I read it on Goodreads due to the controversy, but I have thoughts about how it explores abuse and think it's a really intriguing series for that matter alone. (It also has beautiful art and is taboo as hell, but you can find the block button if you need it, can't you? <3 ) Many amazing reads this year, hoping to read more from several of these authors! And some I realllllly love and clearly will continue to read (Yuhki Kamatani, Rin Chupeco, Nghi Vo, etc.) This isn't including all I read on AO3. Which is quite a bit.

[steely-eyedmissileman]

Annihilation (2018)

i feel rewritten on a cellular level, which is ironic, given the plot of the film. i'd previously read the book (just the first one in the trilogy, which may have been a mistake), but the book didn't scare me or change me the way this film did. let's start with the laundry list of things in this film that set me up to like it, without commentary on their goodness: natalie portman, oscar isaac, tessa thompson, non-linear time, freaky alien stuff, colors, actors playing two different characters distinguished only by hairstyle, duplication, science, physics, etc. now here's the stuff i can say in a sentence or two: this film is visually stunning. the cinnamon topography is excellent. every shot has a reason to be there, every scene builds to the next. the score is unnerving, beautiful, terrifying. it tells you which emotion to feel, in ways that never feel overbearing. in terms of the technical aspects of filmmaking, annihilation has it.

so now let's talk about some interesting stuff. first, this movie has made me realize that i like horror movies (thrillers?). i'm a scaredy cat, and i don't think i could find a single person who knows me that wouldn't agree with that sentiment. but i liked being scared here. we don't have time to delve into the personal growth aspect of that, but i think it's fair to say that this movie scares you for a reason. the terror builds the plot. suffice it to say that this movie wouldn't work without the scariness. which is a deeply weird thing to say because, to make this movie not scary, you'd have to cut at least a quarter of it, probably more. the fear is the point, but without the fear, the emotional content gets lost. the value of the resolution depends on being afraid for lena. without lena's fear, the bit with the eyes at the end is incomprehensible. we're afraid, yes, but afraid for a reason. having said that, i don't like gore. there was too much of it.

moving on, let's talk about aliens. i don't think it will surprise many for me to say i like aliens. looking at the trappings of this blog displays an obsession with space, and that often translates to a fondness for aliens. there are types of aliens i like more though. the less like humans they are, the more i like them. if aliens are the problem in your story, it's a bit passe to frame them like the other side of a human conflict. in general, I'm a little bit over person vs person conflicts. anyone can write about fighting other people. it's a large portion of history. what interests me are person vs self and person vs nature. there's some person vs self here, but it's difficult to portray that in films, particularly in films with action set pieces, scary soundtracks, and other weird shit. person vs nature, though, that's something horror and scifi are both well-suited for. the idea of aliens as unstoppable force and immovable object is great. the aliens (alien?) in annihilation don't have nameable desires. they're just doing what they're doing. aliens gotta alien. life's gotta live. let's bypass entirely the question of whether this force is alive, in any sense of the word. more importantly, the aliens are not explicable in human terms. that's why humanity's quest to understand them is fundamentally doomed. humans are great at applying their own motivations to things, bad at accepting inexplicable or absent motivations. (see solaris by stanislaw lem, among many other works on this topic) the aliens here are not a character, so much as an expression of the callous juggernaut of nature.

now, story structure time! this is a mystery, and it does the thing that all good mysteries should do. it gives you information well before you need it and then prevents you from processing that information until it becomes relevant, at which point the revelation is both new and expected. you can't figure out what the shimmer is doing until tessa thompson (i've forgotten here character's name) tells you. however, you've seen the physical expression of this so many times that her words just give structure to thoughts you've thought for many minutes. mysteries that aren't mysteries. and yet, it's a mystery. we know that the shimmer is alien (the film told us in the first couple minutes) but none of the characters do. thus, the mystery the characters are experiencing and the mystery the viewers are experiencing are two different things. they both work, more or less.

but what interests me most about this film is the telos of it all. telos is a greek word that literally translates to end (according to google). ancient greek philosophers used it to describe the ultimate desire of an object (humans can have a variety of teloses, acorns have one: to grow into an oak tree). in literary criticism, teleological is used to talk about the extent to which a story is built to reach its own end. annihilation gives itself a telos within the first half hour of the movie: find out what's in the lighthouse. lighthouses, in themselves, have an implicit telos. the end of a lighthouse is the light at the top. the lighthouse is a structure that invites you to ascend, to discover its secrets by moving upward. the film points us upwards in another way. we know that this phenomenon is alien and it fell to earth. the answer to the characters' questions is undeniably upward. from above, the aliens fell. the characters must move inward to the lighthouse and then upwards.

now, those of you who remember the end of this film have a significant question here. no one goes up the lighthouse. we see the stairs, but lena never tries to climb them. instead, we reach the lighthouse and go downward. the film denies its own telos, contributing to the feeling of wrongness about the circumstances themselves. annihilation set up an ending point (particularly for those who have read the book) and then proceeded to deny the viewer the chance to reach that ending point. we will never know what was at the top of the lighthouse because that wasn't the point actually. the point was below. the point was within. lena and kane both confront their own mirrors. because the aliens weren't the goal of the story (they were a tool for the story to use to bring about its actual goal). the goal is that final scene, the reconciliation of kane and lena. it's a story about people dressed up in the trappings of aliens. that's good scifi, folks, a story about humans. if a story isn't about people, why write it? why watch it?

[mrsarnasdelicious]

Saphires and Darlings - I

Mommah needs an outlet for her Aemond obsession. This is rubbish, nothing to see here, carry on scrolling.

"We have been summoned, child." My 'Father' says. "To the Keep we go." I reply. I have grown tired of living at an inn. "To The Keep we go." He says.

To the King we go indeed.

Lead by a knight in white armour and a short grey bears, we are taken before Viserys Targaryen. Last Rider of Balerion the Black Dread and King of the Seven Kingdoms. "The Alchemist." The Knight announces loudly. The Throne is occupied by a very frail looking man. I can scarcely believe he is the king. He looks more like a beggar in King's clothes. He is missing an arm and his right eye is milky grey and blind.

"Nicholas, come to me." The King croaks. 'Father' obliges, sauntering to that awful monstrousity of a throne. He bows. "I am at your service, Your Grace." He purrs. It is evident the King has received Him before. The King knows Him, or at least who He pretends to be. I sorta feel left out now. He has been to see the King and I have just sat at an inn, writing my book.

"I know you are, Nicholas. You have been these past few weeks and I thank you for that. I want you close." The King says. "I am right here, Your Grace, not close enough?" The Crawling Chaos purrs. The King chuckles feebly. "That is not what I mean, Nicholas, you know that." Viserys waves a dismissive hand. The Crawling Chaos smiles joylessly. He tilted his head every so slightly. "Then what might you mean, Your Grace?" He asks. As though he does not understand. Of course he understands.

"I want you to take residence in the keep, so I may rely on you whenever I need you." The King says. 'Father' bows deeply. "It would be my honour, as it would greatly honour my daughter." He gestures for me to come forward. I oblige, walking to his side. He smiles down on me. That void meaningless smile. I don't know why so many people buy it.

The King gestures me over to him, as well. The Elder God nods, telling me to obey. I walk forward, to the foot of the throne. The King looks down on me. He rises laboriously and descends the steps, to better look upon me. "My Lady." He smiles kindly. "Please, Your Majesty, it is just Tessa." I mutter softly. He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles. "Wonderful to meet you, Tessa." He says. "It is an honour, Your Grace." I mutter. I have no idea how to act.

I don't know what Nyarlathotep has planned.

The Elder God gestures and I go back to him. "We would be honoured to reside at the keep, Your Majesty." He purred. The King smiles, rather oafishly. "I'll have accommodations made as soon as possible." He says. The Crawling Chaos bows.

He pulls he aside and we assimilate into the crowds, watching King Viserys hold court. It is not very special. He hears petitions and makes judgements, unless the petition is too large and has to be put to the council, which happens three times.

It takes five days for our living quarters to be arranged. Five more days at the dreaded inn.

But once we are settled, we are visited by the King and his family. The queen looks at The Elder God like he has brought a deadly disease to the city. And I get a look like I am not wearing any clothes. There are two princes and one princess. The Princess is mumbling to herself. I have heard she has dragon dreams, but this is another level of intense. Both princes give me an up and down. "Be polite, boys." The Queen scolds them right away.

"My Lady, I am Prince Aemond, it is a pleasure to meet you." The taller of two takes my hand and kisses my knuckles like he undoubtedly has been taught. "Please, I am no lady." I whisper. I flush a little. There is something about his voice. "You sure don't look it." The other Prince says. I roll my eyes at him. "Well bred, I see." I say sarcastically. The Queen gives me a look.

"You must forgive my daughter, she is very used to speaking out for herself. Such is the life of a baseborn woman with red hair." The Crawling Chaos says in a playful tone. The King laughs, effectively dismissing any protest The Queen may have had about me. "She should be taught manners." The oldest Prince says. I sit down by the hearth. "Wouldn't you just like to do that, Princeling." I purr. The younger son chuckles darkly. "His name is Aegon." Hisses the Queen. "Like the conquerer, I see." I smirk wickedly. Neither Aegon, nor the Queen seem very pleased with me. But The King has seated himself and seems to not have a single clue.

Gods, this is going to be a mess and a half.

"Dear child." Nyarlathotep's voice breaks my concentration and I put down my quill. "Yes Father." I look at him over my shoulder. "The King has made me an offer." He says. "Yes?" I ask, knowing he wants me to be brimming with curiosity before carrying on. Yet I can't really be fucked at the moment. I was having fun writing my little dragon stories, okay!

"The King has offered his son's hand in marriage." Says The Crawling Chaos. "You have to be fucking kidding me." I say. The Elder God shakes his head. "Wish that I was, my pretty, but the King seems either fond of me, or eager to be rid of his ocularly challenged son." He smirks wickedly. "The Prince Aemond.. I heard maids whisper he sleeps in his sister's bed more often than not." I say. The Elder God nods. "I see, it is a ploy to keep him away from his brother's wife." He murmurs. A chuckle tumbles from his lips.

"Well, I would hate to trap you in a loveless marriage." He cooes. "No you don't." I say dryly. "No I don't. I will set things in motion." He extended his hand to stroke my face. "Be good to him and give him sons." He whispers. I scoff and avoid those empty grey eyes. "You know very well I cannot choose that." I bristle. "His forebears could, I am sure you will find a way." The Elder God smirks. I roll my eyes and focus back on my papers. "Just let me know when you need me for dress fitting." I sigh. It is not like I will get to plan this wedding. And neither will my groom. "I shall, dear child." Nyarlathotep purrs, before taking his leave.

I stare blankly at my parchment, not sure how to feel about this prospect.

[carelessflower]

This is just Alec finding a family in laws and stuff that support him and shit. (My OC is back) takes two months after Malec in Europe, and its christmas day. Also James and Lucie Tessa children are younger here.

"Why cant your family be like mine?" Alec said outloud, he instantly regretted it as Magnus looked at him, they were both in Magnus's bed, under the covers. The snow was coming down fast from outside of his window.

"What do you mean?" Magnus questioned, yeah his family was not perfect, but looking at the Lightwoods they seem more sane then his, but Magnus only slept over at theirs for two days, while Alec has a key to the house, which his dad leant him. Magnus didnt understand.

"My father and I have a difficult relationship, he wants to know if im bringing over a girl or doesnt talk about my hobbies, my sibikings are okay, but they can be a handful, and our parents leave for work in Spain, letting me look after them for a long peirods of time. My mother is okay but she is also difficult to talk too." Alec was venting, letting all his emotions unload.

"It cant be t-"

"My father and mother were part of a hate group, my father is a homophobe. I look at you and your dad, and it seems better." Alec was stairing at the ceiling, he loved his family, but he wishes he would swap with anyone for one day.

"Well you know what happened to my mom. My dad on the hand, he is also difficult to have a conversation with, he makes me angry, or just sad, then again im not a great son. Alec, families come in different shapes and sizes, you find family in your friends, and loved ones, and you join new ones, my family like you, my dad gave you a key to his place, your own family loves you. Look at Clary, her dad is fucking Valentine." Magnus kissed his boyfriend forehead.

"True, thanks for listening." Alec kissed him back.

"Its what im here for." Magnus said, he got out of the bed, and put his Christmas sweater on.

"We need to go downstairs my family will be coming soon." Magnus stretched, as Alec grabbed his black shirt and pulled it over his head. He heard his boyfriend kiss his teeth. He looked up.

"Its Christmas Alexander, not a funeral." Magnus stated, he walked over to his walk in closet and pulled out a red and green shirt that has sequens sewed on, which read out. **be yourself, everyone else is taken.**

He threw the shirt at him, as Alec sighed, taking his top off and pulling the other shirt over. It was a bit tight, but he can manage.

They both walked down two flights of stairs, they walked into the kitchen, the smell of roasted meat and vegetables, and the heat of the ovens hit them.

"How many people are coming over." Magnus said, taking a bite out of the baked brownie.

"Fucking, all of them. Also put that brownie down Bane." Asmodeus said from the second kitchen, Alec chuckled, Magnus rolled his eyes, as he put the half bitten brownie down next to the other batch.

"Dont put it down next to the batch Magnus." His dad called out from the kitchen.

The doorbell rang, as Magnus and Alec walked out of the kitchen, he opened the door, and in walked Stanley, and his sister, Charlie. Alec noticed how Charlie's eyes were darker, and her hair had a tinge of pink dye in it. Behind them, stood a taller, slender, pale man, with black hair that was swept back, he was holding two suitecases.

"Stanley, Charlie." Magnus hugged them both, as Stanley hugged Alec.

It was two months ago, that they were in Europe. Alec's parents or sibilings still had no idea.

"Oh Stan, I was wondering if I can have your number." Alec asked, as Stan nodded, getting put his phone, and giving his number to Alec.

"You guys are early, hi Luci." Asmodeus said, as he hugged his older brother.

"The others are coming later I presume then." This Luci said, as he walked into the lounge. Alec heard the strong British accent that came from the man, his own children had softer accentsn

Alec, Magnus and his cousins went to the games room, which was through a hallway, and passed many rooms, until you got to the end. The door opened, four couches were in one corner, a beanbag next to it. There was a foosball, and a gaming console, and a snooker table.

"I heard you were moving out." Charlie said sitting down on the couch.

"Yeah I got us an appartment."

"You two are going to move in." Stanley smiled, as he went to the snooker table.

"Alec you play?" He called out.

"Yeah." Alec said, as he grabbed one of the cue sticks as they started to play. Magnus and Charlie watched, as the doorbell rang through the house, they heard conversation and laughter.

"So..your other dad is not coming?" Magnus said looking at Charlie.

"He wanted to come, to meet you, he hasnt seen you, just heard about you, but our dad said he needs to run a country. You know how it is." She looked sad, Magnus could sense that, he wrapped his arm around her, and he gave her a quick squeese.

"Its okay."

Alec was now beating Stanley, as Magnus chuckled.

"Okay let me play. Come on Charlie we can show them who can win." Magnus stood up, as Alec went on Stanley siden

"Its on." Alec said, as they started to play, Clary, Sebastian, and Johnathan walked in, followed by two other females.

"Hi Stan." Johnathan said, kissing his boyfriend. "Oh Alec your mother is here." He added, Alec nodded, putting the cue stick down, and went out to greet his mom, his sibilings were sittig on the couch, he went red, as all eyes were on him, there were a few people that he didnt know.

"Alexander its a pleasure meeting you." Jem said, hugging him.

"Alec can we play Uno." James said, pulling at his hand.

"Yeah, hello mom." Maryse hugged her son, as Alec picked up James.

" Come on then." He said, as he held Lucie hand as they walked to the gaming room.

"This is soo cool." Lucie aaid, running over to the ice hockey table.

"Who is winning." Alec said.

"Us." Charlie said, as Jace and Isabelle walked in, along with Simon. They were sitting on the couch talking.

"Hi Hannah, Ellyas didnt you see guys there." Alec said, as they sat down.

"Do you know what we are having." Simon whispered to Alec, some kids ran in, as they were now playign with the ice hockey table, James sat next to Alec, he got his Uno Cards out, as he handed them to Alec to shuffle.

"I think Chicken, some roasted vegetables, and other stuff." Alec said.

Stanley was now talking to Johnathan, while Magnus was playing with the little ones.

"Kids lunch." Someone called, James groaned, as Lucie dragged her brother away

They were all sitting down, Johnathan next to Stanley, Clary and Jace, Magnus and Alec, Izzy and Simon, and Charlie and Hannah and Ellyas were sitting next to each other.

"So are you guys gonna tell us the truth." Isabelle said looking at her brother.

"What?"

"You guys were in Europe two months ago." Jace stated.

"Um..yeah we were." Alec said

"Well thats unfair." Isabelle play slapped her brother's arm.

"Mom doesnt know." Alec stated, he had lied to his mom, about where he was.

"Look it doesnt matter." Magnus said.

A gasp came from Simon, as he was now looking at the door, a purple haired male stood there.

"Um..do you want to eat now or later."

"5 mins uncle Levi." Charlie stated , Levi nodded and walked back.

All eyes were now on Simon.

"You didnt tell me your uncle was Leviathan." Simon was shocked, his face was red.

"He is Simon fav youtuber, slash streamer."

"So thats the famous Leviathan." Jace said, smirking.

"I thought you knew." Magnus said.

"We should go out." Stanley stated to no one particular.

"In this weather." Sebastian said from behind, making the group jump.

"Forgot you were there Seb." Johnathan slapped his brother's arm away from his face.

"Why not. Come on." Stanley said, getting up and walking to the lounge, the rest followed.

ohhhh

[anarchic-miscellany]

Terrible Screenplay Idea: Party Hard

Chuck is getting married.

That means he has a bachelor party!

He, against his best wishes and judgement, goes to Las Vegas, accompanied by his future brother in law Alec, a quiet and meek nerdy geography teacher; his party animal coke fiend "legend" of a best friend Teddy; old recently divorced and super horny shithead friend Pete; and his darkly mysterious, cool, super rich maybe psychopathic new friend Boyd. It'll be a weekend of boys partying!

You've seen this before.

Boyd's hired a suite for them, as well as a quintet of strippers! Time for a night of perversion and debauchery!

But instead of "Very Bad Things" or "Rough Night" or any other number of dead stripper movies: something goes horribly south and there is a panic, and after the dust clears, it is the Stag Group who are wiped out to a man, leaving 5 bloody panicked strippers in the aftermath. Now we meet our true heroes of the piece: Amber (Jessica Rothe) is the brains of the crew, a girl trying to fund her way through college and have a good time, who is currently spinning a way out of this mess. Britney (Aubrey Plaza) is a single mother, attempting to provide for her kid the only way she knows how. She doesn't have time for this shit: from either the stags or the panicking girls worrying about "ethics" - she paid her babysitter until 2. Candy (Fiona Dourif) is getting too old for this. She doesn't get as many tips in the clubs anymore, and her experience counts for nothing. She RELISHES the chance to take the lead, and takes to the crime angle a bit TOO well... Dakota (Geraldine Viswanathan) is just out for a good time. She never signed on for this! But she takes to it well, and is keen to learn... Enid (Tessa Thompson) is new to this crew, having filled in for another person who dropped out. Whilst not super keen on the idea of crime, she is a much needed sane port in a storm.

What follows is a night of mayhem, panic, blood, carnage and high-octane lunacy as the strippers must hide the bodies, clean the blood, hide their involvement, and get home. Complicating matters are the fact that Alec and Chuck may not be as dead as they thought; there is a bag of drugs Boyd took which his dealer (Elliot Page) is on the rampage looking for; a nosy Concierge is periodically checking the room and looking for a tip (Masi Oka) and the girls' eccentric, foul-mouthed manager (Stephanie Tsu) is attempting to ensure she and her girls get paid... Then they bump into the Bachelorette party, when Dakota befriends the bride (Olivia Thirlby) on the casino floor.

[punemy-spotted]

Coming Soon: I Swear it is Sweet

There are stories, whispered in the wind and the burbling of brooks. Stories of women with scales like sunfire and voices sweeter than honey. Stories of ancient blessings if you are careful and fanged endings if you are not.

Forgotten stories.

But all stories were true, once.

Pairing: Soft-Dark!Robb Stark x Naiad!Reader

Warnings: Rape/Non-Con Elements; Dub Con, Mild Body Horror; Tessa’s Perpetual Disappointment With Game of Thrones; Absolute Disregard for Canon; Human/Animal Sacrifice; Possessive/Obsessive Characters; Soft-Dark!Robb Stark; Non-Consensual Transformation; It’s Game of Thrones

PLEASE REMEMBER THAT YOUR CONSUMPTION OF MEDIA IS YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITY AND IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE CONTENT THAT IS BEING PRESENTED, DO NOT READ IT.

Not beta-read, these sins belong to me and me alone.

All of my work is 18+ Only, Minors DO NOT INTERACT. I do not consent to my work being posted anywhere besides Tumblr or Ao3 and I post my work there myself. Do not copy, translate, or repost any of my content.

Notes: I blame and thank @brandycranby for encouraging me to write this. Yes this is a Game of Thrones AU in which the Starks sit on the Iron Throne in the wake of what is still going to be called Robert’s Rebellion because I’m Lazy. Robert Baratheon is Hand of the King and the rest of the the worldbuilding will come in the future.

Reader is also from Dorne, but like… not quite.

Preview below the cut!

It’s late, when you see him by the riverbank. Too late at night for men of sense to be out near muddy shores where an errant foot might lead to an uncomfortable end in a shallow pool of mud. The man before you, nervously affixed to the dim moonlight to guide his vision, is seemingly unaware of such conventional wisdom.

You watch him with cautious eyes, gleaming yellow in what little silver filters from above. Like the rest of his people, heart and mind occupied by more mundane fears, he does not notice you. Not at first, not even as he seeks you out.

Dark waters have been your home for longer than you can remember, longer than you have been here in these icy ones. Dim as the night is, the stars and watchful moon above are enough for you, enough to see the things mortal men rarely notice. The silver beam of moonlight a halo around a shadow-painted form, glad warm in furs. The furrow of a brow made heavy with though, memories of youthful play buried under new responsibility. You know your wolf to be… handsome, even when he was a pup, but those were memories of a tadpole, when others lived to remind you of the ways of men.

Are you here? His voice is as you remember it and different all at once, deepened with age and made innocent with hope, seeking and wishing all at once, as if he’d rather be disappointed and find you not at all, find you a rumor complained about in naught more than a hushed whisper and a cautionary bedtime story.

You could let that be. Could allow him to leave, leave thinking you a nothing, a myth and a dismissal, leave him to tell those who complained about your presence that you were no such thing.

You could.

You could punish him for the forgetting, leave his memories confused with the things your once and only friend left behind in the wake of the growing a princeling must do.

You could.

[tutuandscoot]

Here’s a fun little post I’ve been planning to do for a while:

So I, as I’m sure with many others, the first time seeing this lift: (or others like it) wondered how that can be possible without cutting his legs.

I was fascinated by it and wondered how they did it (for probably longer than I should’ve been) [there’s a great post somewhere that talks about the physics of it that I’ll link when I find it again]

(I do know how it’s possible to be done btw.. it’s because the blades have 2 edges- therefore distributing the weight across 2 points rather than one.)

Cleary I wasn’t the only one because there are several instances VM have been asked about it over the years.

Here: (2010 NBC fan questions)

Here: (2018 Olympics Q+A- filmed at oly summit in the summer)

Here: (2018 breakfast TV interview)

[I’m sure there have been other instances on camera and several others, but I feel like 3 is enough to state my point.]

So, what I love about all these instances is when ever he/they are asked if it hurts when she stands on him, he either says straight out ‘NO’, like just ‘no’ or as in the last one interrupts to say ‘no, it doesn’t’ or kind of dismissively nods along as T answers explains that he doesn’t wear padding (but never says wherever it hurts him or not).

Let me get to the point here. Whether it does hurt him or not, he never says ‘yes’, implies that it does. He doesn’t even say ‘yeh but I’m use to it’.

This is essentially me on my I ❤️ SM bullshit because he doesn’t want anyone to think that (if it does) Tessa is hurting him. Whether it does or it doesn’t is not important. That they do these types of lifts so much and she hasn’t slipped, she just ‘rocks it’ (I’m sure it’s possible she’s slipped at some point). But I just love how he dismisses the idea that it hurts or he could get injured because, it’s their jobs. It’s the choreography. His job is to lift and hers is to be lifted.

Compare that to another couple answering the same question (I think the way in which they answer is interesting too, just as a comparison):

(Isn’t it great how this already has the captions and I don’t have to waste time doing it myself!!)

That seemed like a pretty definitive ‘YES’…..

I’m not trying to say anything nasty with this- I just find it interesting. And I think it’s another… kinda ‘trademark’ of VM’s- it’s just how they are with each other. It’s part of that thing where they will never ever say a bad word about each other, they will never coach each other, they will never imply that one of them did something wrong- like if one makes a mistake the other is quick so say it was their fault. They are so so good at their respective jobs. Tessa knows not to slide, so she doesn’t slide. Scott knows to put her in the right spot so he knows she won’t slide, and it’s his job to stay on balance. If each of them is doing their job properly and it still hurts- then it doesn’t matter if it does, that’s just the job.

It also, I feel to me at least, it also goes along with not shaming the girl for having to be lifted. I only say that coz I’ve experienced it and it’s a terrible burden to have on you that as the partner being lifted you need to be light and strong and hold yourself, yet people still think you are “too heavy”. (And that’s sometimes when the unhealthy habits start). And we know for a fact Tessa experienced this body/weight shaming as well and Scott never let her think that- always dismissed anything anyone had to say on the subject as bullshit- and rightly so because it was none of their business. He is the only one her weight effects as he is her partner, and he’s the kind of parter that (I’m sure) would say ‘well then I need to be stronger or have better form- it’s not on her’. He recently said (and has said in the past) how she is the best partner in the world because she holds herself so well, she was taught to feel as thought she was doing the lift herself. If there is an issue technically with a lift, it means they both need to fix something, it’s not one persons fault. They approach it all as a team and everything one does affects the other. So maybe if they are both doing everything right, it doesn’t hurt. But if it does, he doesn’t let anyone think it does.

In summary.. Scott is a prince and we should clone his ass..

[lizzy-williams]

❝𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚠𝚋𝚎𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 & 𝚌𝚒𝚐𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚜❞

ღWarnings: SMUT (18+ please!), language, rough sex, unprotected sex (wrap before you tap), sexual situations.

ღMasterlist

ღRequest: Can you do the most dirty hard good sexy lovely spanking doggy position french kiss smut EVER please PLEASE with tom 🙂🪓

ღSummary: You’re been in a mood almost all week, Tom having to leave right on Valentine’s Day for filming. The day before he has to leave, you’re the meanest you’ve been, and Tom’s had about enough. 

ღA/n: ANON YOU DIRTY BEAN I LOVE YOU. This will be the first thing I’m posting since I came back, So I hope you guys enjoy, feel free to send in more requests. 

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍 in a mood the entire week. More specifically at your boyfriend, who chose a job that somehow, someway got him taken away right on Valentine’s Day. 

Even worse, this would be your 5th Valentine’s Day together, which you saw as a mile stone. You knew you were being irrational and a bit selfish, but you were too blinded by your anger to realize it. 

For the time being, you were giving Tom hell, inside and outside your small flat. On Monday, you and Tom went out for coffee, but of course, being the little minx you are, you teased him right then and there, in public, and you managed to turn Tom into a needy, whiny child with only a few touches.  

But when the two of you got home, you did a full 180, becoming completely distanced and untouchable, evading every advance Tom tried to make on you. You just kept all your attention on Tessa for a majority of that day. 

At first, Tom was clueless, the sudden distancing confusing the hell out of him, but it only escalated from there. 

On Tuesday, you had some things to do for work, and there you sat on the couch, typing away on your computer before Tom, still flustered and needy from yesterday, came waltzing into the living area and plopped down right next to you, resting his head on your shoulder. 

Yet you sat there, still typing away, acting as if Tom wasn’t there at all. Tom adjusted himself a few times, seeing if his movements gained any attention or reaction from you. Still. Nothing. 

Now he resulted to sighing loudly, and due to where his head was, it was right in your ear. It was erotic or teasing, it was just straight up annoying and childish. 

You finally pried your eyes away from the screen and turned to look at him, “Do you want something?” was all the response he was going to get, and even then it was a grumble. 

“I wanna cuddle.” 

He sounded so much like a kid, and in any other circumstance, you would tend to his request. But no. You were mad at him. 

“I’m working, Tom.”

That’s when Tom knew something was definitely wrong. No usual ‘bubba’ or ‘bub’. Not even honey. Just his first name. Not even his full first name. Just Tom. 

You felt him recoil and slip away into the other room. 

Tom: 0, You: 2

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Wednesday rolled around, and Tom was talking to Harrison on the phone. Once again, you had been giving him the bare minimum all day, but when you kissed him, it was long, passionate and lingering. And Tom was, to say the least, baffled. 

“I dunno, man, she’s been like this all week.” 

You happened to be in earshot, and slipped behind a doorframe, listening in on what Tom had to say. 

“No, I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong. I’ve even been making an effort to put the toilet seat down, and somehow she keeps being so distant. I even tried hugging her from behind this morning and she just brushed me off.”

That one was true. You were making yourself lunch when Tom, who woke up late as usual, came into the kitchen and wrapped his arms lovingly around your waist, but staying true to your previous attitude, you brushed him off, using the stove as an excuse. But instead of reassuring him, like you normally would have, you turned and gave him a purple and red hickey on his sweet spot before turning back around and acting as if nothing had happened at all. 

“No, it’s not that time of the month, she already had it. I kinda know these things.”

That was also true. Because you and Tom had such a frequent and vibrant sex life, he made it a personal mission to know when your period came so he could work around it and comfort you. All things aside, he truly was a good boyfriend. 

“Ohhhhh,” he made a sound of realization and it made you perk up a little, wondering if he truly understood why you were so evasive. 

Wait, did he?

The sound of his footsteps clamoring down the hall made you frantically look around for something to look busy with. 

“Darling?” he called out. 

“In here!” you called out, trying to sound unbothered. 

“Ah, Darling,” he seemed giddy, as if he had just solved the worlds biggest mystery, “I know why your angry at me.”

“Oh?” you questioned, as you kept fiddling with whatever you were doing, acting as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. 

“You were upset about the paparazzi pictures. The ones with Ciara.” 

“What?!” you seethed, now not caring about acting like you didn’t care. 

“Th-The other day, when I went out to lunch, you knew about it...?” he was terrified by the look in your eyes. 

He was being honest. He did say he was going out with the female co-star, and you were okay with it. You trusted him. But what you didn’t think about were the tabloids. The gossip sights that would no doubt leak into Twitter, causing an un-needed uprising in Hollanders and shippers. 

Immediately you pushed passed him and went straight for your phone, looking up news sight after news sight. 

Ciara Bravo and Tom Holland: New Hollywood Couple???

Tom & Ciara, A Valentine’s Day Miracle

Did Y/N and Tom SPLIT? Ciara and Tom Spotted!

At this point you couldn’t stand to be in the same room as Tom. Despite him and you understanding there was nothing going on, the outside world put pressure on the both of you, and you needed to breathe. 

Tom didn’t say a word when you got your coat and left with a ‘I’m going out. Don’t wait up.’

By time you got home, Tom slept on the couch, and you slept in the bed. 

˚｡⋆୨୧˚˚୨୧⋆｡˚

Tuesday was quiet, nothing happened. The two of you didn’t speak to each other, a day going by silently, but when you were going to bed, that’s when things got interesting. 

“It isn’t my fault.”

He stood in the bathroom as he spoke, and you were on the bed reading a book with Tessa at your side, sound asleep. 

You gave a small, unbothered sigh, “I know.”

Tom perked up, “What do you mean, ‘you know’?” he asked irritably. 

“I mean I know it isn’t your fault about the media. I don’t care, it’s fine.”

“Then why are you so mad at me?!” he was annoyed now, making you raise a brow. 

“You really don’t know?” you hissed, closing your book, not caring if you lost your page or not. 

“No, of course I don’t know!”

“You’re leaving me! On Valentines Day!” you snapped, standing up, Tessa’s ears going back. 

“Are you serious??? That’s it?” he questioned with wide eyes. 

You glared at him, giving him an expression that only meant one thing, slipping out of the room without a word. 

Needless to say, you slept on the couch that night .

˚｡⋆୨୧˚˚୨୧⋆｡˚

Friday. The day before Tom leaves. The day before Valentine’s day. 

And as always, you woke up before Tom, hearing Tessa scratch at the bedroom door from the inside. You walked down the hall, turning the bedroom door handle slowly and letting Tessa out the door, but not before catching a glimpse of your sleeping boyfriend in nothing but boxers, holding onto your pillow as he slept. 

Thats when the idea popped into your head. You were going to make a lovely Valentine’s day themed breakfast. For yourself.

If there was any way to get Tom back, it was with food, your food more specifically. 

You immediately got to work, prepping the veggies for the omelette, mixing the batter for waffles, and washing the strawberries, planning on using them for a garnish.

You worked for a good hour, almost everything done, the last thing being cutting the strawberries when you suddenly heard the bedroom door open. 

Tom walked out, his curly hair all a mess on top of his head, purposefully not wearing anything except for his Calvin’s, and you shamelessly checked him out, in hopes that would get him going. 

Before he got too close, you whipped back around and began slicing in the berries in front of you. Just like he did the many mornings ago, he let his arms wrap around you right before you felt him leave a small peck below your earlobe, and you had to bite back a smile. 

“Good morning, darling.”

Fuck. His morning voice. It was rough, deep, and gravely, making your stomach do summersaults and slick glisten between your legs. 

“Morning.” 

The sexual tension was palpable, so thick you could cut it with the knife in your hand. But you needed to stay strong. You were mad. You were still mad....

Right?

“Are those for me?” he questioned, motioning to the breakfast platter you had spread on the kitchen island, complete with a glass of OJ. 

You did a silent self-pat on the back. 

“Nope,” you smirked, before popping a strawberry in your mouth. 

His demeanor switched, “That’s it-”

You squeaked as he took the knife from your hands, throwing it into the sink before sweeping his hands across the counter, knocking the cutting board aside, roughly grabbing your hips and putting you on the counter. 

“I’ve just about had it with your attitude,” he growled, pulling his semi-hard-on out of his boxers before grabbing the back of your neck, pulling you into a messy, lustful kiss, his tongue diving in the instant that his lips touched yours, making you whimper out, trying you best to regain control of the situation but failing quickly. 

A sudden smack to your ass made you quit your pursuit of control, a whine finding it’s way out of your throat as you felt him smirk into the kiss. His tongue prodded around your mouth as you held onto him desperately. You wrapped your legs around his hips, pulling him closer, his member pressing right up against your clothed clit, daring him to do whatever he was going to do next. 

Suddenly, he picked you up off the counter, breaking the kiss and pushing you down to your knees, harshly, shoving his member against your cheek. 

“Suck. I’m not gonna ask nice again,” he grunted, and you knew that he would keep his word with this one. 

You hesitantly took him in your hands before stocking him slightly, sticking your tongue out and licking a strip from his base to his tip, before taking it in your mouth, using your tongue to tease the angry veins and ridges on the underside of his cock. 

“Oh - FUCK - you’re so fucking precious.” he hissed, his hand weaving in your hair before pulling you down on his cock, going so deep it touched the back of your throat, praying that your gag reflex was on your side. 

Suddenly he pulled you back, before pulling you all the way back onto him, tears welling up in your eyes as he repeated his movements, using your face and whispering obscenities into the air around you, harshly fucking your mouth. 

“My bratty girl, shit, you sound so much better choking on my cock,” he grunted, his pace suddenly faltering, cock twitching, signaling he was about to release. 

He looked down and his eyes widened as he caught sight of your hips moving slowly and gently. You were so cute like that, humping the air like a little bunny, Tom taking immense pride in the fact that he made you like this. 

Without another warning, you felt his cum fill the back of your throat, making you whine as you had no choice to swallow it all, knowing he wouldn’t take his cock out of your mouth until you did so. 

Tom watched tentatively for the bobbing of your throat. The one indication that you swallowed. You shivered slightly as you felt the salty substance make it’s way down your throat, and he finally, finally, pulled himself out, and you gasped for air. 

Tom admired your fucked out state, tears wetting your cheeks and your lips swollen, hair ruined from his grip. He could have you looking like that...

He used one hand to stroke and caress your cheek, the other smoothing out your hair the best he could before standing you back up, your eyes dazed as you looked at him with pleading eyes, your past angers forgotten as you were desperate for his touch. 

“Go to the bedroom, strip, lay down, ass up darling. Wait. You touch yourself and I’ll leave you there for the rest of the night, understand?” he hissed before you nodded, scampering off down the hall.

˚｡⋆୨୧˚˚୨୧⋆｡˚

 You waited on the bed as you were told, your back arched as you put your ass in the air, your head resting in your arms as you scowled slightly impatiently. It had been 5 minutes since Tom promised he’d be back, and yet there you were. 

You began to play with the sheets between you fingers as you sighed quietly to yourself. But your head propped up slightly when you heard the sound of the door swinging open, a now completely nude Tom stepping through, a small box in his hands. 

“I was going to wait until tomorrow, but now seems like a much more... fitting time,” his smile was devious as he opened the small box, pulling out a thick, bullet shaped piece of equipment. 

Right as he twisted the bottom, you heard it buzz softly, and the realization hit you like a ton a bricks: the realization that this was going to be a long night. He stalked around you like a predator trying to catch pray, and you felt the bed dip behind you, and you heard him let out a sigh of content as he looked at your completely wet pussy, courtesy of the events earlier in the kitchen. 

“Fuck, you look so pretty all wet like this for me... this is for me, right darling?” he kneaded your ass in his hands before you could answer, “Who am I kidding, of course it’s for me.”

You knew what was coming next, knowing how much Tom loved your ass, and jus as expected, you felt his tongue lick a long, rough lick from your clit to your rim, making you jolt forwards slightly. 

Soon enough you felt two of his fingers plunge inside of your pussy, making you moan sweetly into the open air of the bedroom. His movements made the coil inside you tighten and spark, your need for release becoming more and more apparent. 

But the sudden buzzing on your clit made you lose your mind, release coming sooner than expected, your cunt squeezing around Tom’s fingers like a vice as you moaned out, breathless as his pace never faltered, his speed, (if anything), increasing as your body shook. 

Even after your high was ridden out, he continued, making you gasp. 

“T-Tom, I can’t, I can’t I- AHHH!” your babbling was cut of by another sudden shock through your cunt, making you scream out in such quick pleasure. 

“Holy fuck, so wet-” Tom was in awe of your actions, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out what just happened. 

You just squirted. 

Tom wasted no time getting down there and sucking your clit harshly, his movements driving you crazy as you tried to collect your thoughts and make a complete sentence. 

He was so high on you, so drunk on your taste as he continued to taste and tease every part of your most sensitive place. 

“P-Please Tom,” you begged, shifting. 

Please what? Please keep going? Please stop?

“Please fuck me,” 

It was a soft whimper, oh so soft, but he heard it, and it drove him crazy. He sat up and positioned his newly hardened, throbbing member up to your entrance. Without a second thought, he pushed in the tip with ease. 

You silently thanked god for the slick of your cunt as he drove in farther, and to your surprise, he waited. Waited until you were ready. He knew that no matter how many times he fucked you, you would always be tighter than hell. So he waited. He always did. 

But as soon as you nodded, his demeanor flipped again like a light switch, drawing himself out and slamming himself back in. Soon enough he set a rough and punishing pace, throwing you back onto him like a rag-doll as your body went limp, letting him use you. 

You jerked when you felt him land a slap on your ass, knowing he enjoyed the way it move after he did so, before kneading the flesh, planning on repeating his actions. 

You were whimpering and keening at his movements and pants, the feeling of him pounding into you taking you over, and the only thing you could think about was him. 

Him, him, him.

Not the fact that he had to leave the following morning, or the fact that the tabloids were a nuisance. Just that fact that you were completely fucked out and it wasn’t even noon yet. 

“Shit, darling, so. Fucking. Good,” he grunted, punctuating his final words with harsh, long, hard thrusts, accompanied with slaps to your already sensative ass. 

His pace was faltering, dick twitching, his pants getting more frequent and louder. You knew he was getting close, the sight of you so out of it only spurring it on. 

“C-Cum for me, Tommy,” you whimpered, making his thrusts almost come to a full halt, “Cum inside me, please,”

Tom knew you were on the pill, and it was always for other reasons, and he usually pulled out, more as a personal preference to you. But now that you wanted him to claim you, so intimately and so passionately, his movements went from 0 to 100, before he felt himself snap. 

This of course made you plummet backwards off the cliff of ecstasy, the both of you coming together as a symphony of moans and whines and growls filled the air around you, your body feeling as if it were floating as your ears rang. 

˚｡⋆୨୧˚˚୨୧⋆｡˚

You both fucked like rabbits till noon, the both of you feeling drunk off each other’s touch, just not getting enough. You were both starved all week after all. And it took it’s toll. 

By time you two were done, your body was weak, your muscles completely spent and you heartbeat doing it’s best to settle down. You felt Tom’s arms help pull you up, laying you on your back and disappearing into the bathroom. 

When he came back, it was with a warm, wet washcloth, and be began slowly wiping up his mess, whispering praise and words of admiration while doing so. You found your eyes closing as you basked in the attention and after-glow of orgasm. He was completely in love with you, he couldn’t stop if he tried. 

Tossing the rag off the the side, you felt the area beside you dip before you were greeted with Tom’s arms, once again, finding home around your body, and you immediately leaned into his touch, laying your head softly on his chest as he played with your hair. 

The both of you enjoyed the silence. His other hand drifted up and down your arm, making goosebumps erupt in its wake, the space to think being larger than life. 

Finally, you spoke. 

“I’m sorry.” you muttered, holding him just a little bit closer. But Tom being Tom, you knew he would milk it as much as he could. 

“For?”

You sighed, embarrassed that you had to admit it out loud, “For being a bitch all week. I was just angry. It wasn’t fair to you. Ergo, I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted. But you’re buying me coffee on the way to the airport tomorrow morning,” he insisted. 

That’s when your senses finally took in the fact that it was still light outside. The clock on your bedside table read a shocking 12:23 pm, and you let a small smirk creep across your face at the Valentine’s Day sex you were truly going to be missing out on. 

Sure, it still made you sad that he was leaving. But knowing Tom, you knew he would do something special for you, no matter how far away you were. Besides, there was hours of Facetime sex to be had, and you couldn’t wait for that. 

“Do you want lunch?” you questioned quietly, your hand gently gliding up and down Tom’s abs, which always felt like you were touching marble stone. 

“Yeah. You’re buying though,” he contested, and you smirked. 

“Nope. I’m making. I was thinking tomato soup and grilled cheese,” 

You knew it was one of Tom’s favorites, one of the few things on this planet that Tom would die for, (besides you, of course).

“That would be lovely, darling.”

˚｡⋆୨୧˚˚୨୧⋆｡˚

“I’m gonna miss the fuck outta you,” you whined, standing at the gates, your doe eyes peering up at him as you held his hands. 

“I’ll be back before you know it, love, and you can text me and call me at the end of every day. I can even fly you out to visit if you want.”

Tom was doing his best to soften the blow of him leaving; it was hard on both of you, and it was supposed to be for 2 months. 8 weeks. 56 days. You hated it. 

“Love you,” you grumbled like a child, before hugging him with all your might, trying to remember this feeling to keep you company. 

“I love you most,” he challenged, making you pull back to rest your chin on his chest before leaning up and giving him a kiss, but it turned heated quickly. 

Before it could get any more hot and heavy (because the paparazzi are VULTURES), you pulled away. 

“I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you more,” you replied. 

Suddenly the lady on the overhead speakers began to talk, “All first class passengers on flight 32-B to Atlanta, Georgia, is now boarding.”

“That’s me,” he sighed. 

Tears pricked your eyes unexpectantly, and before Tom could see them, you gave him one last, rib crushing hug. 

He pulled back with a smile, waving a wordless goodbye, walking away, but not without giving you one last look, mouthing the words:

‘Happy Valentine’s Day’

THANK YOU FOR 1K!!!!! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU!!!

[riofann]

Mr. Rodrigo Chapter 2

Chapter 1

A deep sigh escaped from your mouth before you reached for your phone to turn off the alarm. The sentiments your sister shared yesterday still linger in your mind. She was right if your boss didn’t value you, it was time to move on to another company, not hers though. 

You drag your body out of bed and head to the bathroom to complete your daily morning routine. You drop down to the toilet and scratch your hair. There really has to be a reason you think to yourself. You had done everything damn near perfect. Maybe it was the comment of you and Rodrigo’s bickering at meetings during your annual evaluation, or maybe it was the time you had stopped short of calling one of the board members stupid for his idea which ultimately failed because he powered through it anyway, or it was indeed just a good old boys club no girls allowed. But that wasn’t fair, what was the point of calling you the ‘matriarch’ of the company although you were well into your late 20s if people of all ages were getting promoted but you. Each year you made sure you were compensated accurately and Mr. Bernard, although reluctant, would make sure you were because who would do what you have done? It would take 2 people maybe 3 for crying out loud!

“STOOOOPPPP” you fuss at yourself as you look in the mirror. “What is meant for you is meant for you! You don’t chase you attract! So chin up buttercup! (a phrase your dad and mom say to you when you get upset) You. Got. This!” You say the last phrase with conviction. Because you did! So what that Bill, (ugh Bill the one who barely knew how to convert PDF to Word Doc) got the promotion maybe next year it will be you because there still was an open slot for another Asst. Director of Marketing. 

You get dressed and head out the door because a minute late and there would be no parking. Yea you loved working at one of the largest marketing firms in the country, but the location for the headquarters, did it have to be smack dab in the chaos of DC? The commute alone to park and ride was a bitch considering you lived in Bethesda, MD your sister not too far away living in Arlington,VA with her fiance Lucas. Many days you had a backpack and purse. After the first month of working, you literally carried all of your office shoes to work and locked them up in one of the bottom cabinets. No sense in continuously carrying shoes in your backpack adding unnecessary weight. Your mind continuously wanders to yesterday and the statement Tessa made it was hard to fight the extreme disappointment you were feeling. You could go and ask Mr. Bernard what he thought but he would give you some other bullshit you had tried this once and he gave you an excuse that you had accepted at the moment but as you talked to Tessa you realized he just fed you lies to appease so you don’t leave and yet here you were 2 years later 2 promotion announcements later waiting for him to notice your potential. Leading a team of 20 was not easy, not with multiple personalities let alone learning curves, but yet somehow your team was the best across all departments and still no promotion. You sighed trying to look up at the ‘Oasis’ building. There were a few people on the rooftop taking in the morning view. You stepped inside  and walked towards the elevators like many others and asked for someone to hit 10. The building consisted of 2 major companies and 3 smaller ones, yours occupying the top 3 floors. 

You waltz into your office turning on the lamp you hated fluorescent lights and prepare for the day you had a meeting with your team, updates, new changes, and such. Thankfully it was Friday and all you needed to do was make it to 2:00PM and you were out of there ready for the weekend. 

Your phone lit up indicating a text from Jason. Jason, your new boyfriend of 3 months, he was nice but you had yet to introduce him to anyone, it had only been 3 months anyway but that was soon to change.

Jason: Ready to go to VA beach this weekend? I’m coming to pick you up at 8:00 make sure you are ready

Y/N: yes sir! I can't wait! 

This was the weekend you were going to introduce him to your sister and Lucas. You hoped she liked him just as much as you did. He was a good guy after all. 

As soon as 2:00PM reached you were on your way out. “Whoa running out of here!” you hear from your left

“Yes” you roll your eyes “I have plans Rodrigo”  

“I see well don’t let me stop you Y/L/N”

You nod “Thank you” glad he didn’t have a smart remark “have a good weekend!”  

“You do the same” he commented 

“Hey! Sorry I’m late” (5 minutes to be exact) 

“No problem, they got a place for us, we were just waiting for you.” There was a 15 minute policy at your favorite nail salon

“So what color are you getting?” she asked as she sifted through the many color samples 

“Uh I don’t know maybe french tip?” you shrug 

“Ugh you always get french tips!” she complained

“But it goes with everything!” you pointed out 

“Why don’t you get red?”

“Like you?”

Playfully rolling her eyes she says “Well I don’t only get red I get all colors” 

“I know”

“Come on big sis just get something new and different!” 

“Okay let me see” you agree reaching for the stack of color pallets 

“Ooh this color would look good on you” she points  

“Oh i don't know” unsure of her choice 

“It will, I promise!”  a crimson red was what she was pointing at. It should be noted that red was indeed Tessa’s favorite color.

“Okay” you say giving in,  after all if you didn’t like it you planned to get a redo 

A few minutes pass while the nail technicians get to work on your feet “So yesterday was interesting” Tessa comments leaning up making sure that she wasn’t going to be nicked again, she didn’t want to lose an entire toenail again due to infection 

“Tessa” you warn “I’m just saying, did you see how he looked at you yesterday?” she asks waggling her brows

“No” you shake your head slowly  “because he wasn’t looking at me”

“Y/N when have I ever been wrong?” 

You chuckle “You’re wrong most of the time” 

“I am not! Well not when it comes to relationships and you know that!” she points out 

“Rodrigo...” you start 

She corrects you “Christopher”

“Rodrigo” you insist  “does not like me do you know how often we argue?” 

“Lovers quarrel” she waves her hand dismissively “lets not get stuck on the semantics of it all” you blew out a puff of air “He was looking at you the entire time while we were at lunch” 

You scrunch your face “no he wasn’t” 

“I was sitting across from him sis I think I would know.  And  when I mentioned leaving he was really looking at you” she emphasized 

“Tessa you are reading into things” 

“I am not!” 

“You are” you respond 

“I am not! In fact when we were walking back to the building did you notice he switched sides ? He walked on the outside of the street near the road, in fact he walked that way both ways and he opened up the doors for us and he didn’t start eating until he confirmed our food was okay.” 

You release a frustrated sigh “Tessa”

“And..” 

You interject “Okay! I got it! Thank you” 

“I’m just saying Y/N” “Tessa look at me” you say motioning to your body 

She raises a brow “Okay?” 

“Remember his ex wife? The Model?” you say, pushing her memory to the picture she had found of him and his ex wife on Facebook “Ex! It doesn’t matter the title was plus she isn’t a model just slim” 

“Tessa I’m a whole lot of woman there is no way he is interested in me. Plus he is like a twig for crying out loud” 

“He isn’t a twig!”  she said before pulling up her phone and showing you one of his recent Facebook posts where he was in the gym “does a man that looks like this look like a twig to you?” she says showing the phone to me and the nail techs. 

The nail techs laugh, shaking their heads “he has some muscle strong man!” 

“See!” 

You cut her off “You just proved my point!” 

“Wha!... Uh!.. What!?” 

“Gym bros don’t like curvy women” you state in a matter of fact way 

“Noooo they do! Where have you been living under a rock?”

“Apparently! Anyway you are going to meant Jason this weekend” 

“Jason? Who is that? How come this is the first I am hearing of him?” “He is my boyfriend it’s kind of early into the relationship didn’t want to bring him around if I wasn’t sure” 

“Ooh, tell me about him!” 

You do a mental cartwheel glad to get her off the subject of Rodrigo “Well he works in law enforcement not a cop, drug enforcement detective, and he is in his mid 30s, he likes to do the usual guy stuff”

“Nice maybe him and Lucas will get along” she smiles at you 

“Yea I would like that.” you comment smiling back 

The next day approached rather quickly and just as promised you were ready by 8:00AM sharp but Jason was nowhere to be found you tried calling him but he wasn’t picking up, you sent texts that went unanswered as well. Your stomach dropped thinking you got stood up, only for 45 minutes later to meet a disgruntled Jason on the other side of the door.

“Hey!” you greet with a wide grin 

“Lets go!” he says grabbing your suitcase that was near the door not even looking at you “damn what you put in this thing?” “It’s just a few clothes I can carry it” you say reaching for it “No I got it!” It aura was tense and you couldn’t figure out why. You assessed his clothing; it didn't seem like he had showered. He had an aftershave and there were sweat stains on his shirt.

“Listen we don’t have to get there early you can come in and shower I can make you breakfast” you offer watching him briskly walk to the car 

“No let's go, get in the car” he orders while opening the door for you

You unenthusiastically get in the car and put on your seat belt. The drive there is drowned out by the loud radio you steal side glances at him not knowing why he was in such a sour mood. When you arrive at the beach you check into the hotel and settle in the room. Jason doesn’t say a word to you until you get a message from your sister saying they had arrived as well. 

“Oh Tessa is here, do you want to go meet her and her fiance Lucas?” “No”  he sighed “No just go ahead I have a headache. I will meet you all later.” 

“Okay Let me know if you need anything okay?” He grumbled something and pulled the cover over his head

“Heeyyyy!”  She greets you while looking around “where is Jason?”

“Hey Lucas” you greet giving him a hug 

“Oh uh he has a headache he will join us later” 

Your sister gives you a brief questioning look before agreeing. “Okay well I want to drink, so do you. We are gonna settle in and be back shortly”

Tessa and Lucas didn’t meet Jason till that evening, you had gone back to the room around 3:00PM, washed the sand and sweat off your body before you got ready for the night. 

“Hi, I'm Jason. Nice to meet you!”  Jason greeted Tessa and Lucas. “ I had headache sorry i couldn’t join you earlier” “It’s okay! Glad you are feeling better. It’s good to meet you!” 

“So where to?” he asked looking around “Oh we were going to the Calypso Bar” you answer 

“Oh nice! Well I’m ready” 

During your time at the bar Jason apologized for how he treated you this morning. He had charmed you enough for you to look at him with doe eyes. Besides the little incident when he came to pick you up you thought the weekend went great!

You don’t notice it but Tessa was looking between you and her bowl frequently, she didn’t know how to approach the conversation “Jason mentioned something to Lucas when we were at the beach” today you two were on the rooftop patio eating packed lunches 

“Oh what was it?” you asked looking up at her 

“That you could stand to lose a few pounds” she didn’t say it slowly but it processed in your head as if she did 

“Oh!”  you say “well” you respond quickly “I could, he is right’ “Y/N” the look she held on her face was that of worry 

“It’s not like that!” you put your hands up “I was thinking about doing it before your wedding, it’s 8 months away, so he is right but it is because I wanted to long time ago” 

“Okay but he still shouldn’t have said that he either accepts you for who you are or fuck off” 

“You’re right” you nod in agreement  “I will talk to him!” 

“Good.” she gives you the infamous serious look 

You break eye contact, “Did Lucas say anything else?” 

“No” she answers shaking her head 

“So what do you think of him?” you ask digging through your salad trying to find more chicken 

“He is sorta good looking not bad on the eyes, I kinda like him”

“Kinda?” 

“Well I don't like the comment he made but yes I kinda like him” 

“Okay maybe I can get him to work his way up to just liking him” you countered 

“Yea” she smiled at you even though she didn’t tell you the whole truth, fibbed a little, or a lot depending on perspective. Lucas in fact did not care for the guy and had raised concerns to Tessa about his behavior when you two walked towards the ocean, along with other minor things, things that other men picked up, and Tessa trusted and respected Lucas’s opinion. This got Jason on Tessa's pre-black list. 

Mr. Rodrigo Chapter 3

Please like and reblog only, don’t post and not give credit.

[jaykaycreates]

Behind Tessa’s design

Lost my tablet pen recently so i wont be able to draw till a new one arrives, so i had an idea to describe my design process behind my OCs, believe not, there WAS some thought put into their designs. This is Tessa for those that dont know

check the read below for more details!

Lets start with their race, Awoken. The reason I choose Awoken was because i think it best fit the role Young Wolf plays. Since forsaken, YW has been on that thin line between light and dark; gambit, weapons of sorrow, stasis etc. They have used powers related to either side of the conflict and i thought an Awoken would fit them. Since Awoken came about due to a singularity created by the power of light and darkness, it fits how YW is teetering the line between light and darkness. How about class? Titan. In universe many of the classes fit their stereotypical roles (not every guardian does obviously, but its seems to be a majority case). Warlocks are scholars and philosophers. Hunters are lone wolves and overconfident. Titans are defenders and muscle. So why now make my YW a warlock? well in the few scenes we ever get of YW of them we see they don’t have the knowledge you’d expect from warlocks, they are either confused or don’t say anything, it seems like ghost is the “brains” of the two, for lack of a better word. So why not make my YW a hunter?  We see YW act alone a lot which fits a hunters role, but there also a few scenes where you AND your fireteam will spawn in together.

plus its canon that YW has done all the raids with TEAMS, and considering how dangerous all the raids are, i doubt they’d team up with any old guardians for a dangerous situation, so they would need people they know and trust at the very least, like a fireteam. which hunters aren’t usually known for having. So why Titan? Titans are known as defenders of the last city, most of the well known guardians that are considered heros ARE titans! Saint-14, Zavala, Saladin, Sloan, and Shaxx are ones that come to mind. Our guardian is the most reliable and called upon guardian to date, the vanguard relies on us to fight the biggest threats. So i think having my YW be a titan like the past heroes fits perfectly.

Tessa’s personality I try to keep my YW as close to the personality of YW that we see in game, even though Bungie made it so the main character is open ended so people can make their own characters, they still gave YW a personality in lore and voice lines. YW is direct, quiet with a little bit of snark to them. In lore they are mostly just referred too and not talked with (except for hawkmoon lore) but everyone talks about them fondly, like they like the YW or atleast trusts them. Which shows that YW is trustworthy and kind to some degree. These aspects I made sure to keep for Tessa’s personality. I’ve also incorporated many well know player aspects into their personality as well. Example; may players experience FOMO when in comes to destiny content, which leads to them grinding to make sure to get the loot before it goes away. For Tessa, they “grind” by constantly volunteering for strikes and patrols because they are afraid of missing out on the next biggest threat and that they will be too late to stop it. While players grind for loot for better stats for builds, Tessa “grinds” for loot to help their fight for the harder battles to come. 

One aspect of their personality that is original is that they have anxiety issues. with how often everyone relies on them, they have this image of themselves being a “perfect hero” and because of this, they always push themselves to be better, be stronger, be the hero that everyone relies on. This has caused an issue where they are always harsh on their action, whenever they die and get rezzed or a plan fails, the take the full front of the blame.

It doesn’t help that an aspect of themselves is that look up to Saint-14 and took inspiration from Saints actions back in the day. So they are always trying to be as good as he was, which ironically, from the events of season of the Dawn, Saint is also inspired by Tessa, trying to be as good as them. Tessa’s armor look

this is an updated look as of WQ

Yes there was reasoning behind the armor i picked and shaders i choose, First and foremost when i was looking for armor that fit Saints helmet, i wanted something round, not with too much detail and knightlike. Theres sadly not that many options (and i also missed some armors during my hiatus from the game after forsaken) I didn’t want anything too sharp or angular because I wanted Tessa to be seen as friendly looking, but looked armored enough to block a tank shell. The armor i picked i think helped convey that idea. I wanted a knightly look because, at least in fiction, knights are honor bound protectors which would fit with Tessa have a shield to protect the city and using the claymore sword. Using Caydes mark was a given, considering Cayde is probably one of the few characters in game that was friends with YW or at least close aquiantinces. My color choice i wanted was White/silver, Gold/yellow, blue/light blue and Purple. Purple is because it relates to void and the other colors are often associated with the Traveler, which fits with Tessa’s goal to protect it by wearing colors aligned with it. (Plus i just like white, gold and purple combos) Why give YW a name? Why Tessa? The main reasoning i wanted to give them a name is just a way to distinguish them from other guardians,actually Tessa didn't have a name for years. They were okay with going by Guardian or whatever titles they were given, as long as they could help out; it didn't matter what they were called. Until, during forsaken, an awoken corsair recognized them and called them by their name; Tessa tried to ask more, but the Corsair refused to elaborate, and Tessa hasn't been able to find her again to ask further questions. Tessa has never considered themselves more than "the guardian," and hearing their possible real name tells them that they aren't just an evil force-stopping machine, that they were a person before. They now go by Tessa but only really by Nora and sometimes Joker; Nora wants to call them Tessa because it's more personal, and she wants to help Tessa relax and not have to be "the guardian" 24/7.

(Also Tessa is just a corruption of my main OCs name Artess so thats another reason lmao) I think ive covered all the major points, atleast all i can think of at the moment. If I ever think of anything else to add, i will, I hope you all enjoyed this deepdive into my creation of Tessa! Rest assured I will be doing posts for my other characters as well.

Reblogs are read and appreciated <3

deviantart instagram

[parkers-gal]

Tom x reader where reader wants to move out & live with Tom only (not with boys). Tom doesn’t want to move out, maybe Nikki has a talk with him

the one T.H.

➢ a / n | went a lil overboard, heh, but enjoy this ! sorry it took a lil while :,(

➢ wc | 2.5k <3

｡☆✼★━━ requests are closed ━━★✼☆｡

There’s too many dishes in the sink, you note. There’s so many, that they won’t all fit for one load in the dishwasher. It’s a pain, and you know nobody in this house has the patience to wait for two full loads to carry through, so you have to hand wash half of them and allow the whirring machine to do the other half.

If this were a romantic comedy, you’d have Tom standing next to you and you’d hold hands under the suds while you wash the dishes together and chat about your future. This isn’t a rom-com, though. In fact, you don’t even know where the boys are right now. You were certain they went into the den to play Call Of Duty — or whatever it is that they play — but then you thought they went into the backyard with Tessa, but now you’ve just given up on figuring their whereabouts.

Not that you’re angry at Tom for not helping, though. He did the laundry with you earlier, so you’re content with his keeping end of the deal. It’s the other four that you’re a bit fed up with. Sam had just recently joined the Holland-Osterfield-Barrett household of mates, and while you’re all the more happy to welcome him in, it also means more work. There’s a chore schedule, but sometimes someone has work in a town or a country away, and the gaps in the schedule are only ever left for you to fill.

It’s tough, considering you have your own job, but you’re content with the situation — for now. You have Tom, the love of your life, and you have the best people of your life - Harry, one of your closest confidants, and Harrison, one of your partners in crime.

There’s a lot of baggage that comes with being the only woman in a household of boys that practically grew up with each other. You love Tessa with all your heart, but it’s not like you can really gossip to her about your day.

You’re not too worried about everything, anyway. The second anniversary of your relationship with Tom is coming up; it’s only a few months away, and though you’ve been pondering the idea for awhile, you’re thinking of getting a place with Tom, on your own, without the nagging and intruding fellow in-laws (to-be, hopefully).

Six weeks, today marks, for how long you’ve been thinking about the idea, debating whether it’s valid enough to bring up to Tom, deciding when the best time to talk to him would be. He’s a hard man to navigate — getting a spot in his busy schedule is like fighting to the front of a One Direction mosh-pit. That makes it practically impossible.

But, you’re Y/N. You’re his sweetheart, his darling, his weakness. You’re the most important person in his life, and when you want to have a serious conversation with him, Tom’s all ears and eyes, attentive and caring, understanding and, hopefully, supportive.

You’re hoping it won’t take much convincing — he’s lived with these people all his life, and if it’s truly hard for him to decide, you’ll know what he really wants then.

Ringing out a few glass cups, you let them dry on a dish rack that sits on the countertop. The buzzing and whirring of the dishwasher alerts you that it’s still happily running, and you walk towards the glass sliding doors that lead to the patio and backyard. Peering out, you see all four housemates and Paddy, playing with a frisbee and wrestling with Tessa and messing around with a rugby ball on the trampoline. They look like kindergarteners on the playground, and you decide then to bring them some lemonade like a mother in summertime.

“Hope you’re all a bit thirsty,” you set the tray down with a warm smile. Sam shuts his book of poetry to smile up at you from his seat. He’s been reading for a good fifteen minutes, but you reckon he’ll hop on the trampoline when Harrison gets off. For now, he watches as the Irregulars star jumps happily with Tuwaine.

“Oh, sick,” Harry runs over with the frisbee still in his hands, reaching for a glass and taking a big gulp. Tessa’s at his feet, awaiting for the frisbee game to resume, and you pet her head for a moment before Tom runs over to you, hair matted to his forehead in sweat.

“You’re the best, love,” his hand finds the small of your back as he kisses your temple. You smile again, eyes shutting in bliss at the feeling of his lips, but his hand maneuvers you so he can reach for a glass without bumping into you.

One by one, they come over for refreshments, before picking up where they left off beforehand. Tom’s last to leave, wanting to talk to you before playing with his brothers again.

“Oh, I have to talk to you later,” you whisper, fingers tracing down his damp (sweaty) shirt with a giggle. Tom raises a brow, and you nod softly, “Just, when you have time. Now have fun,” you push him off, and though he’s still just as curious, he leaves you alone on the patio. Taking one last glance at the rowdy group of boys, you bring the tray of empty cups inside, sliding the door shut and sighing to yourself. More dishes to do.

——

Tom’s drying his hair with a purple bath towel when he comes out of the steamy bathroom. He sighs contentedly, before remembering your words from earlier. He brings it up, “What was it that you needed to talk to me about?”

He walks over to the dresser while you look up from your phone. You hum as Tom puts something away, and you shut the electronic device off, setting it on your nightstand and twisting to face his direction.

“I wanted to talk to you about… us, I guess.”

You see Tom’s movement slow, and he removes the towel from his damp curls, turning around hesitantly. You smile, waving him off, “Nothing bad, I promise.”

He lets out an inaudible “phew,” and nods. “Good.” You agree with a nod of your head, and he furthers on with the questions. “What is it, though? Is it something important?”

“I mean…” Tom places his towel on the rack before walking to the opposite side of the mattress “Sorta?” You offer, and you see the gears turn in his head. He sits down across from you, on the bed, and he smiles encouragingly, still a bit suspicious.

“Well, I’m all ears, darling.”

You smile at the familiar pet name, and with a final breath in, you admit what’s been in your head for the past few months. “I was thinking maybe we could… move out… without the boys.”

It’s dead quiet for a few beats while the words sink into his mind. You’re not sure how he’s going to react, but you watch to gauge his reaction.

His mouth opens, almost as if he’s about to say something, but then he closes it, as if he’d suddenly second guessed himself. For once, you truly can’t read him.

“I thought… I thought you liked living here?” he says softly, almost a bit saddened.

You sigh with your words, “I do! Really, I do, but…”

“But…?” He bites his lip.

“Well, I mean…” you exhale again, “We’ve been together for almost two years,” he’s still listening, “Don’t you think we should be a little more independent?”

“I mean, sure, if we were a normal couple.” He laughs at the joke, and while you do too, it’s not really genuine, but more forced for the awkward tension in the air. “I just thought you… y’know, enjoyed spending time with everyone.”

You nod understandingly. “I do, Tom. Really, I do. But… y’know, we’re not getting any younger. I just thought maybe it was time for us to get a place of our own.” It comes out as more of a suggestion, a question for him to respond to. You quietly bite your lip while Tom nods at the information he’s taking in.

He looks down at his fingers, before locking eyes with you. “Can I think about it?”

You shut your eyes softly while nodding. Tom blinks, before standing from the bed, giving you a kiss on the forehead and bidding farewell, heading downstairs for more quality time with his brothers.

——

It’s been a week since that conversation took place in your room. You didn’t think it’d go so… bad? You’re not sure if you should say that, because he didn’t exactly say “no,” he just didn’t seem enthusiastic about deciding at all.

It’s a quiet Saturday. You’re out bowling with a few of your friends, news of one of them getting engaged spreading like wildfire. She’s having a dinner party later, but for now, you’re keeping the meeting small, inviting your closest circle for the fun day at the bowling lanes.

Tom asked you if you wanted to reschedule the dinner with his family, but you insisted that arriving late would be fine. It’s only four o’clock — the Holland family likes to come for late lunch and spend the night playing games and drinking beer, until the clock strikes midnight and Paddy’s passing out in the backseat on the way back home.

At least now, only one Holland brother stays with the parents.

Somehow, someway, the conversation had shifted to you. Everyone’s gathered in the living room, scattered on sofas, couches, beanbags, armchairs, loveseats. Tom misses you at his side, but the conversation of how your work is going just reminds him of what you’d proposed a few days ago.

“How’re things with her in general, though?” Nikki, Tom’s mom, asks with a smile. The eyes shift towards Tom, and he can feel his face heating up.

“Yeah, how’re things with the lovebirds?” Harry teases.

Tom chuckles, anxiety bubbling in his stomach, twisting his. “Uh- they’re- they’re good, yeah,” he assures them, though shaky.

“You sure, there?” Harrison teases. “Did someone propose or something?”

“No, no,” Tom airily chuckles. “Nothing like that.” “Oh?” His dad picks up, “What, then?”

“She- uh…” he licks his lips out of habit. “She wants to move out. Find a place for us, she said.”

The tone in which Tom tells them lets them know that he’s a little less than enthusiastic about the whole ordeal. It’s something that raises a red flag for Nikki; it’s something that makes her brows furrow in confusion.

“Oh,” Sam breaks the silent. “I’m happy for you, bro,” he pats Tom’s shoulder.

Tom smiles, though it’s forced and a bit spaced out.

“What’re you gonna tell her?” Harry asks. “You want it too, right?”

Tom shrugs weakly. Nobody talks about his responses, his reactions. It’s all a bit unexpected, for Tom to not be on board with the next step of the relationship.

“I mean, I don’t know, really.” He confesses with a nervous laugh, running a hand through his curls. “I’d miss you all so much. I just… I don’t know, I guess I just thought she liked living here too, y’know.”

A collective number of “yeah’s” and “mhm’s” go around the room, and Tom nods nonchalantly before the conversation switches to something more exciting. For now, Nikki lets it go, just until she can get her eldest in a room by himself, and before you get home.

It’s when Tom’s getting snacks for the group that Nikki decides to offer her help in the kitchen. They’re just putting dinner in the oven and preparing appetizers, but still, any opportunity to talk to Tom.

“So,” Nikki smiles, and Tom giggles while she puts another slice of tomato on the dish they’re preparing. “Moving out, huh?”

Though her tone is teasing, Tom can’t help but get shivers. He nods, quieting down a bit. Nikki’s movements remain, but Tom stops working altogether. “I don’t want to move out.”

His mum turns to look at him, and she nods, almost as if anticipating the confession. “Why not?”

Tom clicks his tongue, looking down as if he’s ashamed of feeling this way. “I just like things the way they are right now. I know at some point, someone’s gonna move out and the clan’s gonna go our separate ways, but I don’t want to be the one to go first.”

At this, Nikki fully turns to talk to Tom, no longer making dinner. “Tom…” She wipes her hands on a kitchen towel, and Tom does the same. “You were the first to go, you know.”

His eyebrows pull together in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” she sighs, “Your career was first to take off. You ran out that door so fast, we couldn’t keep up.” Tom laughs, reminiscing to himself. “You’re going to keep growing,” she says softly. “You can’t stop that. You can’t stop everyone from growing apart. Sure, you might not grow apart, but you won’t always be this cute little boy band from your school days.”

“Not a boy band, mum,” Tom grumbles. The two of them share a knowing smile.

“You can’t blame yourself for growing, darling,” she steps closer, grabbing one of his hands just like he had grabbed hers the day he was first born. “You can’t expect to be the glue that holds this- this temporary situation together forever. You’re not a superhero,” the two of them laugh again, but then Tom nods knowingly, and Nikki can see a faint batch of tears spring in his eye sockets.

“No, I know, mum.” He sniffles. “I guess… I don’t know, i’ve just always been afraid of never being there when everything changes. I always come back and everyone’s a different person, just…” he searches for the words, “with the same faces.”

She nods, turning back to her dinner dish. Tom keeps his eyes trained on his hands, which are planted on the countertop.

“She loves you a lot, you know.” Nikki says after a few beats. “She just wants a bit of privacy, a bit of your relationship without your annoying brothers.”

“Annoying is right,” Tom teases. They laugh again. “Yeah, I guess I just never thought of that.” Nikki hums, and the kitchen grows silent for a few moments. “Thank you, mum.”

“For what?”

“Being there.” Tom replies. “You never gave up on me, and now… I don’t know. It means a lot to me that you’re helping me with something so important to me.”

Nikki’s eyes soften, and both of them tear up. She nods, this time breaking the silence again. “I know how much you love her,” She says quietly. “One day, she’ll be yours for forever. She’s the one — I can see it in both of your eyes.”

Tom sucks in a breath and wipes his eyes. “I know she’s the one, too.” He adds in another tomato to the dish. “She’s always been it for me.”

[cassandraclare]

I'm sorry to hear that your hard work was leaked but I was curious about what happened. I hope the person faced consequences because that was a very selfish thing to do leaking your work like that :(

I haven’t taken action against the person who leaked the book. I know who they are, since they uploaded the page I signed for them, and I was able to match that against my records. 

I haven’t refrained from taking action because I feel sympathy for them. I don’t. It’s beyond shitty behavior to receive an early, signed book as a gift, and to then leak the entire book online. It’s a shit thing to do to the authors and an equally shit thing to do to other fans. However, I don’t want to put myself (and Wes) through the exhausting, grim and expensive process of legal repercussions. It doesn’t mean what this person did isn’t horrible, and it doesn’t mean they haven’t cost the entire fandom any chance of there ever being an early contest giveaway like that again. They did. There never will be. There will be no ARCs of Chain of Iron, either, and you can thank them for that, too. 

Part of what makes piracy such an issue for authors goes far beyond the individual assholes who upload and distribute and translate stolen books. It’s that the whole system is set up to make it incredibly difficult for us to do anything about it. Publishers do little to nothing to prevent piracy, and authors shoulder the entire burden of searching out and reporting illegal copies of their books. And even then, we’re dependent on whether or not the reported website feels like complying with copyright laws or not. Twitter is incredibly slow to respond, Tumblr is about fifty-fifty on bothering at all. They’re legally required to take action, but they also know that the effort of doing something about it if they do not falls on exhausted, overburdened artists who often can’t afford to follow up with a lawyer’s letter.

And like, I get being broke and wanting to read books; there were a lot of books I had to pass up reading when I was broke (I will be forever grateful to the library system of New York and Brooklyn, which is how I read books at all from about 2001-2004.) I was broke enough that I slept on a bare mattress because I couldn’t afford sheets, but I’m pretty sure if I broke into Bed, Bath and Beyond and stole a bunch of fitted percale bedding I wouldn’t have encountered much sympathy if I got caught. 

I talked about this on Twitter before, and I’ll say it again here though I know it will make very little difference: pirating books doesn’t just hurt the author of those books. It hurts everyone at the publishing company, where the margin of profit is razor-thin (and yes, publishers should do more to protect themselves against piracy; I agree there); it hurts bookstores, especially indie bookstores (I remember doing an event at a store that told me, sadly, that they were likely going to have to close because people “came into the store, looked at the books, took notes, then went home and pirated them.”) It hurts libraries, who rely on circulation for funding, and the shutting down of libraries hurts people who actually can’t afford books.

Now, I know is no way to talk people out of piracy; the internet has normalized it, and besides, people will generally do the cheaper, easier thing — you can’t talk people into not doing something they want to do by telling them it’s wrong, in my experience. They’ll find ways to justify it, whether it be that they can’t afford the book or it isn’t yet available in their language or that they find the author “problematic” and this is the way they’ve chosen to punish them. 

The reason I put “problematic” in quotes is because yes, of course you can read and enjoy work that has problematic elements. Pretty much everything has some element that’s going to be found problematic by someone — which is exactly why deciding that it’s morally excusable to steal from people you think are creating flawed work is more than problematic. Holding creators accountable for their work means critiquing that work, not stealing it.

I listen to a lot of political podcasts, and some of them review work by extreme right-wing politicians etc. who have written books that the podcasters find morally despicable but wish to, or need to, review and discuss. Since they don’t wish to give money to the authors, they buy second-hand copies or take the book out of the library. They certainly don’t steal, translate and distribute copies of the books because they genuinely do not like them and do not want more people reading them. That’s what it looks like when you have an actual moral problem with a book or author. 

However, running multiple fan accounts for a book series, naming your internet identity after characters from that book series, and talking endlessly about “your favorite parts” and how this is “your favorite book” entirely invalidates any argument that you’re doing this because you think the books are bad, evil, etc. If you claim a book is actively homophobic or racist but are so desperate to read it that you’ll steal it, so excited about it that you’ll share that stolen copy, so obsessed that you’ll illegally translate a whole book and provide that stolen translation to as many people as possible, and so dedicated to the fandom that you’ll name yourself after the characters in the books and write poetry about them, I have to tell you: the last thing that looks like is that you actually find the books problematic, regardless of what you say to the contrary. It looks like you like them but don’t want to pay for them, because in fact, that’s the case. (Either that or it looks like you’re really into racist, homophobic books, and making sure as many people read them as possible, which is your problem.)

One of the issues I have with piracy is that it teaches you to hate creators. You have to hate them, because you’re doing a fucking awful thing to them and you have to justify it. This results in lying about creators — about their process, their translations, their research — as if somehow, even if they were bad researchers, that would justify widespread theft. (It doesn’t.) Those who steal books wind up in a headspace where they are obsessed with the content of the books, and entirely unwilling to accept the reality that those books were created by a real person that they’re really harming. It encourages the mentality that I didn’t create Jem or Magnus or Will or Cordelia: they came from some kind of sparkly outerspace planet and I was just lucky enough to get to write down their adventures. It invalidates the hard work creators put into what they create, and in fact, erases their very existence. The internet attitude toward creators is already incredibly toxic (especially if they’re women, LGBT+ and/or BIPOC) and the feeling of entitlement to free content, and vicious hatred toward those who aren’t providing it (even though a lot of creators, me included, provide a great deal of free content) contributes to that. Genuinely, if you’re stealing someone’s work, the least you could do is not also be an asshole about them. (Or pretend you’re Robin Hood. He stole from the rich who had taken property and goods from the poor, and returned that stolen wealth. He didn’t steal from artists and independent bookstores and use that stealing to benefit himself and his friends. The idea is actually kind of funny.) 

 I understand there is a pressure to be up to date on the books that are being released so as to participate in fandom, and I do get that. Unfortunately, piracy has real consequences that stretch beyond just hurting me and Wes. Because LGBT+ books are pirated at such an incredible rate, and we’ve definitely seen that with TEC, I am left wondering if there will ever be an actual Spanish translation of TEC, or whether the publisher will decide not to bother because it’s already been so thoroughly pirated in Spanish. I have to wonder if there will even be a third book of TEC at all, or whether publishers will feel it isn’t worth doing. And I have to wonder why the people who create this situation so often have usernames that include Jem or Magnus or Alec or Cordelia or Julian or Tessa. What an incredible misunderstanding of those characters, to imagine a world in which Will Herondale or Magnus Bane or James Carstairs would approve of stealing books and harming writers. And why name yourself after a character who absolutely couldn’t stand you? I don’t know. I don’t get it, any more than I get hating someone who provided you with something you claim is your favorite book. 

That was a much longer answer than you were probably expecting or hoping for, and I know I’ll get yelled at quite thoroughly for writing it. Writers always do, when we engage with the issue of piracy. I know most of you reading this acquire your books honestly; most of you are not like this at all. But like most things on the internet, a small amount of people really do have the power to make things pretty rotten for everyone else.