#in which i use my blog as a blog

[thesleepiestselkie]

I'm kicking myself for changing majors in college. I dropped what I knew I was good at and enjoyed (communications) for a passion project I couldn't follow through with (a bookstore?? en esta economía?? bruh).

I don't do shit with my ancient Greek, even though I have a book of poetry waiting for me to translate it sitting on my shelf right next to the Middle Liddell. Maybe I should do it just to upkeep the skill, but I'm not actually sure if it'd be fulfilling to do in any way at this point.

I feel like i could be a good writer, but when I had a chance to actually learn the skills, I put in the absolute minimum effort it took to maintain the pretense that I was a good student. This unfortunately is a skill I had already refined immediately following freshman year of high school.

My homeschooled 14-year-old ass decided to just not do any of my required schoolwork for a year. When anyone asked I either lied or found a way to pull off something showy at the last second to make it seem like I was actually paying attention. Then at the end of the year, my mom (shockingly, somehow) asked me for all of my work to review and grade.

Sometimes when you're homeschooled and your mom's a tradwife, your dad's a Navy chaplain, and you spend a solid half of your waking hours in church for a religion that actively wishes you harm, you develop some... bad coping mechanisms. It truly did not help that I learned when I was maybe six or so that "being independent" meant that nobody was looking at me, so the more independence I could convince my parents to give me, the less I would fear retribution for existing.

I'm like half-diagnosed ADHD (my psych agrees and is helping me use off-label meds to try to treat some of it, but I can't afford an actual diagnosis) and self-diagnosed autistic, and I feel a hell of a fucking lot safer when I feel like nobody's watching me and potentially either watching me for Mannerisms or judging me for how bad I am at skills everyone's supposed to have learned somehow .(Maybe they teach them in school but I wouldn't fucking know! LOL!) This sucks in and of itself because I'm very drawn to hobbies like YouTube and Twitch but those inherently involve Being Perceived.

I just get so.... Chidi Anagonye about everything. I have to say the most accurate and simultaneously the most empathetic version of what I mean every time (hi, abandoned communications degree). It absolutely keeps me from pursuing both my hobbies and my actual skills that I want to be working with, and I have no idea how to power through it. It feels like an impassable wall sometimes that stops me from connecting with people or getting a job that would be actually fulfilling instead of just occasionally satisfying.

Gah. Like. Fuck. Clearly it's a disability, but I'm already on anxiety meds, and in general I'm not working myself into a tizzy nearly as often as I used to, but I'm just at a dead stop with no momentum creatively because I need feedback to get better, but if anyone ever notices that I'm bad at anything I want to be swallowed by the earth instantly. So I don't know what the fuck my deal is but I would really like it to sort itself out. I know I'm like a ball of trauma or whatever but it should not be so hard to get the fuck over myself and make something.

[bonetrousledbones]

fuck it since my birthday is in like one day i'm gonna use my birthday wish to tell y'all to look at the shit going on in southern Appalachia right now after Hurricane Helene. look at it and talk about it and spread resources about it like wildfire because nobody else fucking is and it feels like we're on our own out here.

there are people who are stranded in hazardous areas that are still safer than trying to leave by driving on the increasingly hazardous roads. i'm personally going into my third day without electricity at this point, and haven't been able to get any gas for a generator to even keep our fridge working. there are very few places with power or running water, and cell service has just barely been restored in the last hour. ground crews are working hard to repair things, but there are many, many areas that are entirely inaccessible that may not receive these fixes for several more days if not weeks. i'm afraid my own neighborhood might become one of those areas if repairs don't get to us soon, and since we're much more rural i have a difficult time trying to be optimistic about it.

we're very far inland. i guarantee you damn near everybody here was expecting a little more rain and wind like we usually get during hurricane season, if they even heard about the hurricane beforehand in the first place since most people only got about a twelve hour notice before landfall- after several major areas had already been flooded. our terrain protects us from most major weather events- most locals have never encountered a single tornado or legitimate tornado warning in our entire lives. nobody i've talked to or heard from about it seems to have had any idea that it would be this bad. everybody's wishing that they took it more seriously, but we've never, ever had to before. i've seen people comparing it to Hurricane Katrina and honestly i'm not sure if that's all too inaccurate. today while looking for a single working gas station i drove by a military helicopter parked in front of the elementary school i went to when i was little.

please for the love of god, talk about us. talk about the good memories you had here or the beauty of our mountains, and talk about how devastated we are as we watch historic structures, buildings, and entire towns get wiped from the face of the earth like they were never even there. stop dismissing us as uneducated hicks and rednecks and hilllbillies and fucking help us.

r/Asheville resource/updates megathread (Asheville is the largest city in western North Carolina)

How to set up disaster roaming for cell service

WLOS Live updates

Duke Energy power outage map

WNC Landslide Map

Hotels accepting locals

Emergency shelter locations

I live in western North Carolina so all of my own resources are centered around that. If anybody from the other impacted areas has additional sources they'd like to add, please don't hesitate to do so.

[divorcedwife]

a burden you can't put down

[vynnyal]

I've been having a delightful time stumbling over my emojis being used in random servers, so here's more

[math-memes]

[gummi-ships]

Kingdom Hearts 2 - Bulky Vendor

[nedlittle]

apropos of nothing, here are some gay historical fiction novels that engage with historical queerness in thoughtful, complex, and interesting ways (organized chronologically)

hild by nicola griffith ↪ early 7th century england

a tip for the hangman by alison epstein ↪ 1585-1593 england

confessions of the fox by jordy rosenberg ↪ 1702-1724* england

the confessions of frannie langton by sara collins ↪ 1812-1826 jamaica to england

patience and sarah by isabel miller ↪ 1816 america

devotion by hannah kent ↪ 1830s prussia to australia

the sweetness of water by nathan harris ↪ 1865 america

whiskey when we're dry by john larison ↪ 1885 america

the city of palaces by michael nava ↪ 1897-1913 mexico

tipping the velvet by sarah waters ↪ 1890s england

at swim, two boys by jamie o'neill ↪ 1915-1916 ireland

the gods of tango by caro de robertis ↪ 1913-1920s argentina

uncommon charm by emily bergslien and kat weaver ↪ 1920s america

the book of salt by monique truong ↪ 1930s vietnam to paris

the amazing adventures of kavalier and clay by michael chabon ↪ 1939-1954 america and beyond

the flight portfolio by julie orringer ↪ 1940 france

the savage kind by john copenhaver ↪ 1940s america

a thin bright line by lucy jane bledsoe ↪ 1950s america

*this one has a framing device and footnotes from the present day but the bulk of the story is set in the early 1700s

[unlimitedbutchworks]

sometimes i get so frustrated about how many transmisogynistic users get reblogged despite their reliable-to-the-point-of-predictability episodes of vitriolic hostility against transfems or absolute lack of care in spreading hearsay about us that i think of making a big blocklist or callout, but its a foolish idea because callouts are only for making a spectacle and Other of someone in order to reinforce norms in the in group. transmisogyny callouts never spread to a large audience for this reason; as a rhetorical tool, they are not for enacting justice.

and even if they could, i stop myself, because they're a stupid way of trying to stop bigotry in the first place. we should be striving to be able to recognize bigoted rhetoric and challenge it ourselves, to stand with the marginalized in our communities, rather than making the victims have to point out The Bad Ones over and over since you can't see. and clearly, you can't see! because i cant hardly scroll this website and see an acquaintance reblog a post without recognizing op as either an open transmisogynistic themself, or a useful idiot for transmisogynists and spreading their callouts. (many of which included private pictures and nudes for "evidence" towards their evil kinks; to make this clear, revenge porn with a coat of progressive paint.)

but time and time again, nobody sees the problem when it happens to trans women. its all a pretense to voice preconceptions of disgust to trans women. they dont really believe that making shitty posts is equivalent to actual sexual abuse, just like they dont actually believe that wearing thigh highs is pedophile-coded, its all just excuses to hate trans women like they want to. for them, its just finding excuses to put in the keywords that turn peoples brains off and play into their bias. oh, sure, i cyberstalked literal years into her private nsfw blog to dig up that nude and match it with a selfie from her main and i put both in the callout im spreading around, but why would that be bad? dont you know she calls her girlfriend mommy in private sometimes? look, i did mental gymnastics to equate this consensual roleplay to real world harm, its totally pedo-incest coded! look, i said shes into raceplay apropos of nothing just to get people pissed at her, but you're not gonna check, right? why would spreading that and her nudes- sorry i mean evidence of her crimes to more strangers and exposing her to transphobes be bad? how can it be sexual harassment when the woman person really really deserves it i promise?

[shittyutmv]

does ink still stink

i don't think we can fix him i think it's permanent ink by comyet dream by jokublog

[moomoomooing]

[frilledskirts]

been missing this series so i doodled my favs idk

[godhelpmeimdescendingintomadness]

[lurking-loaf]

Surprise! They wanted to bring you this pumpkin and when I say they bring you I mean sun makes a cute pose as moon carries all the weight

Awww! Thanks for the pumpkin! I am sending Sun and Moon back to you with something we quickly put together over here.

Hopefully Sun will be a little more helpful on the return trip.

[crimsonconstl]

Halloween time I guess

An alt greyscale version (my fav) and some coraline pidge + classic werewolf Keith & vamp Lance

[markscherz]

Do you have a favourite rain toad? I love them. They're so round and look grumpy even though they aren't.

Did you know that there are arboreal rainfrogs‽

[src]

Meet the genus Callulina, from the rainforests of Tanzania and Kenya

[src]

Who said you had to be lithe to take to the trees?

[src]

You may not like it, but this is what Peak Performance looks like.

[lelelego]

had a dream and drew it :o)