#in which i just fucking lose my mind and go fucking apeshit

[ju-nebugg]

moments from trb that make me lose my mind (pt. 2)

- “once your balls drop, that beard’ll come in great. like a fucking rug. you eat soup, it’ll filter out the potatoes. terrier style. do you have hair on your legs? i’ve never noticed.” ronan lynch i love you so much

- ronan panicking and letting the mask slip when gansey was staring down that wasp

- ronan being jealous that gansey was leaving henrietta with adam and saying “do you not want me to come” and gansey responding with “i would take all of you anywhere with me”

- “the sky as blue as death above him” like WHAT

- “i didn’t realize that ‘midget’ was the adam parrish type” ronan your yearning is showing

- gansey’s smile being “complicated” when he notices adam and blue holding hands

- “…blue’s dress had gotten hitched up and gansey could see a long, slender triangle of her thigh. adam’s hand was braced a few inches away on the seat, knuckles pale with his hatred of flying. there was nothing particularly intimate about the way they sat, but something about the scene made gansey feel strange, like he’d heard an unpleasant statement and later forgotten everything about the words but the way they had made him feel.” (long quote i know but holy fucking shit)

- obligatory “i’m always straight.” “oh, man, that’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told.”

- gansey doing his little indie film main character scream to god in a field

- gansey pointing at people. so much pointing. what a dork. i love him so much

- also his vocabulary. what a NERD <333333

- ronan pissing all over the state of virginia

- gansey calling blue “the table everyone wants at starbucks”

- “i just fed chainsaw but she’ll need it again.” “this,” gansey replied, “is precisely why i didn’t want to have a baby with you.”

- adam’s immediate thought when holding blue’s hand is to worry about crushing her fingers :(

- ronan forgetting to be “cool or surly” when translating cabeswater’s latin, and apologizing over and over again good lord and gansey only responding with “it’s okay, you’re doing really well”

- the whole “coincidence because it wasn’t” trend

- gansey being SO NERVOUS to ask blue to hang out at the church, and then sounding “fourteen shades brighter” when she accepts

- gansey’s arms being super fucking ripped from rowing and blue Noticing

- “aquamarine is a wonderful color, and i won’t be made to feel bad for wearing it”

- “gansey’s voice, when he replied, was a little rough. ‘well, if you killed adam, i’d be quite upset.’”

- “on the inside, he sort of wished he looked more like the camaro. which was to say, more like adam.”

- gansey planning out his “cunning thing to say to blue when he saw her next”

- ronan walking in on adam and blue flirting and immediately shoving chainsaw in their faces. hm.

- “no matter how hard he tried, he kept becoming a gansey”

- “out of the blue?” “i’d prefer if you didn’t use that expression.”

- BUTTERNUT

- blue being reluctantly attracted to gansey’s glasses

- ronan trying so hard to give adam an excuse not to go home, and then going absolutely apeshit when adam gets hurt

- neeve’s voice sounding like a “computerized voicemail menu” (can you tell i’m in love with maggie’s descriptors)

- “gansey was just a guy with a lot of stuff and a hole inside him that chewed away more of his heart every year.” oh god

- ronan carrying all of adam’s possessions into monmouth on his back

- gansey saying things like “excelsior” and “yee haw” for no one but himself

- gansey being miserable and blue liking him better that way

- ‘“crushed and broken,” gansey said. “just the way women like ‘em.”’ correct!

- “cabeswater was just as literal as ronan was” HMMMMMMMMM CURIOUS

- ronan writing “remembered” on the red mustang and walking away without a word shut UPPPPPP

- ganseys first question after adam sacrifices himself being “was i so awful?”

- “they didn’t even have the authority to choose an alcoholic beverage. they couldn’t be deciding who deserved to live or die.”

(pt. 1)

as soon as i can stumble my way to a bookstore, dream thieves will be annotated to hell and back. expect more yelling very soon <3

[kissitbttr]

i love the frat boys so imagine them taking care of muñeca whenever mig isn’t there (which is like never but let’s imagine)

“y/n !! what do you want for breakfast?”

“that’s not her name! it’s muñeca, glen!”

“do you want o’hara to kill you, man?!”

“yeah, well?! he isn’t here!”

dear lord it’s only 8 in the morning and she swears her head is about to explode,

miguel had to clock in at work early than usual, leaving his girlfriend at the house. as much as he hates the idea of it, he’s got no choice. not just the fact that he didn’t get the chance to have a lazy morning with her but also the fact that he’s leaving her with the boys, too.

he loves them but they could be a real pain in the ass and a major flirt, except for beck.

“just call me if one of them tries to do something with you, cariño— i love you”

it’s what he said before leaving,

not even an hour after he’s gone that his frat brothers are making her lose her mind with all the noise,

she sighs as she massages her temple, sitting on the counter with a cup of coffee between hands. one that is made by glen, surprisingly tasting a bit better that what her boyfriend usually makes,

“guys! i’ll eat anything i swear—just please shut. up” she groans softly, pulling the hems of miguel’s thick knitted sweater that clings onto her body, protecting her from chilly morning air,

carlos shakes his head, arms crossed. “that is not an answer! what. do you. want. to. eat!”

“carlos! i swear to fucking—“

“banana bread maybe, or muffins? what does miguel usually get for you anyway? ah! matcha, isn’t it!” glen interrupts with a smile,

“oooh, how about a nice BLT? you know there’s a rookie here who knows how to make a mean BLT sandwich and you could hire him for the rest of your day to be your slave! just until miguel comes back” carlos suggests, ready to call whoever his name is

“oh my god, don’t say that word” she responds, taking another sip. “you are banned from using that”

“what, ‘hire’?” carlos looks genuinely confused,

she heaves out a heavy sigh, it’s like talking with children. “no. the S word” her eyes dart between the other guys who are looking like they’re ready to serve her with whatever it is she desires.

did miguel put them up to this?

“guys guys come on, she’s big enough to handle shit on her own” beck tells them, popping himself a canned of black coffee and she secretly thanks him for being the most logical one. “but just in case you want a croissant or something just let me know”

“i’ll pick something up from the bakery, just let me borrow your keys” she replies and getting ready to stand up, earning a collective of no’s and hands holding out to stop her. “you all realize that i’m not five?!” she’s getting a tad bit irritated,

“gotcha but!” carlos holds his point finger up, “we’re all instructed to take care of you—“

“no we didn’t?”

“chang, you’re ruining it, shut the fuck up” carlos glares at his asian frat brother who’s hands are up as if to show defense. “anyways—we are instructed to take care of you and if miguel finds out that we’re doing a terrible job at it, all of us are dead. literally”

“i think you’re just exaggerating, carlos” she tries to smile despite wanting to kill him. “he’s not capable of killing anyone”

“didn’t he get into a fight with two guys for staring at your ass and talking about how they’d use you at the same time?” glen chimes in, leaning forward on the kitchen table,

“that doesn’t count, it was not a fight, it was a slaughter. o’hara went apeshit” beck chuckles, taking a seat beside her,

“okay well that happened nearly months ago” she points out at the specific memory, one where she had to stop miguel from going overboard. she’d hate it if her boyfriend went to jail for what happened, “it’s all in the past”

“yeah well those two men are still on his black list” beck shrugs, “you know how serious he gets when it comes to you, kid”

she sighs for what it feels like a hundredth time that morning. “okay you know what, if it gets you all to be quiet, especially you carlos” she throws a soft glare at the man who’s wearing an innocent smile, standing tippy toes. “then just—can i please have that BLT sandwich? i am starving”

carlos claps his hands, “absolutely, you gorgeous human being! oi, rookie! get down here! muñeca needs breakfast!” he calls out the boy from downstairs,

“holy—carlos! why did i just tell you?!” beck snaps, narrowing his eyes at his frat brother,

“oh, my bad—i mean, mrs. o’hara needs breakfast!”

[wordy-little-witch]

Imagine how absolutely feral the Roger's would get if Buggy came out as transfem or nonbinary or just preferred "feminine" clothes.

They're pirates, why the fuck would they comply to stupid gender roles when they can FIGHT and DRINK and be FREE?

Buggy goes "hey I think I might be kind of a girl" and the crew would just go "omg queen!" Admittedly, many would probably try bullying (affection attempted), but Buggy would take it the wrong way which sends Shanks into a frenzy which then sends Roger into a Frenzy² bc now BOTH of his kids are sad.

Someone (enemy pirate/marine/whatever) makes a snide remark about Buggy? Roger's going apeshit. And then he goes out, buys the gaudiest, ugliest dress known to man, and wears it to go kick that person's ass again just to prove a point. He's dumb but he has the spirit.

Rayleigh would just roll with the punches there. Oh, you're a girl? Maybe? Cool. Need your own room, or are you okay still sharing with Shanks? Keep sharing? Ah, alright. No, I don't mind. What? No, why would I care, Bug, I helped you learn how to tie your shoes, why would I care if you learn to tie a skirt- oh my god are you crying-

Buggy and gender have a weird relationship. It feels performative, but the more commonly considered feminine performances just feel better on her skin. So yeah. She slips gender on like a comfy jacket and rolls with it.

Shanks, depending on your preferred Shuggy interpretation, is going absolutely feral.

Platonic: he already was ready to throw hands to protect his little brother, only now it's a little SISTER and that Awakens Something In Him. Not much has changed, admittedly, he's just dumb and losing his marbles because that's his best friend, his partner in crime, she's always been pretty even before he knew she was a she, but now the crew is mentioning "fighting off the suitors" for her, and Shanks is overthinking everything. ((It doesn't help that he's pretty sure one of Whitebeard's youngest sons has been hitting on her, so now he has to plot a murder....))

Romantic: he already loved her, already thought her smile was the sweetest, brightest hing on the Seas, and now she's freer than he's ever seen her, her smiles easier, her face just GLOWING, and he is down so freaking bad. Shanks is not naturally prone to jealousy, but for Buggy? He loses all sense of calm and collected. He always has. But this new side of her, this vulnerable and authentic angle he sees now, he's just- by the Seas, he loves her. That's his person, his friend, his better half. Buggy is everything to him, and he's fighting against the curling, bubbling heat in his tummy whenever boys or girls look at her, whenever she flushes under someone's attention. He's frothing and struggling, but he's happy, too, so happy she's free and herself. He just wishes she was hos - or at least that he was hers.

[grimalkinmessor]

Hi! This is your dn secret santa. Reading through your list, I'm looking to make Terraito or Birthdaymassacre for your gift~ Do you have anything specific you wanna see for either one of those pairs?

!!!! Hello!! :D

And I have a few ideas, but I'm not sure what you'd be comfortable making 🤔

With Birthdaymassacre I like it because they fit really well together, but in a way that canon tells you to shoot dead in your backyard, you know? Beyond being obsessed with Naomi because she's so headstrong, so committed, such a good detective (wonder where that complex came from)—someone he can clash against on equal ground. He spent so long chasing L's shadow and trying to pull A up out of the ground, both too obsessed and too far ahead of everyone else at Wammy's to relate to them and too far behind L to ever catch up, and spending his "rivalry" with A falling in love with her and trying to keep her from spiraling out completely; he's never had a true, honest rival to go against and I think it's something that Wammy's has always made him crave. He also wants to kiss her really bad but as his experience with A taught him that doesn't have to be a bad thing ;3

I prefer a BB that doesn't look exactly like L—tons of makeup instead of plastic surgery or spontaneous twins I suppose—because despite Beyond's complex I like it to be really clear that he's his own person. Him and Naomi both actually; her separation from Raye is very important to me! Through violent means (B) if necessary ^w^ Naomi discovering her penchant for darkness and domination through Beyond when before she kept trying to fit into the mold of Perfect Submissive Housewife is something that can be so so special 🙏

For Terraito I'm partial to human(ish) Ryuk, but that's not a requirement. I like it when he and Light are so tangled up with each other that it's difficult to separate them even if neither of them are particularly sappy or romantic about it. Ryuk being Light's malotype is my favorite thing in the world 🥰 Everything wrong with Light that he hides away comes out shamelessly in Ryuk, and Light both resents and clings to him for it, while Ryuk is so so obsessed with Light, so fascinated and intrigued by him, and he very much wants to make him worse. Don't You Just Wanna Go Apeshit?™ Anything where Ryuk is egging Light on, turning him into a deviant but only through Light's own unearthed desires—THAT'S the shit. And Ryuk becoming like a second limb, a symbiotic parasite, clinging to Light because he's such a good source of entertainment, because Ryuk is shameless in how much he wants Light but is also so laissez-faire about it that it's not romantic at all, that's also really really nice ❤️‍🔥

I have some more concrete ideas, but if this is enough for you to come up with some of your own, go for it! I'll put these under the cut bc they're a bit long and have some troublesome subject matters ✨

I really like the idea of an L-wins AU with L not wanting to kill Light if he wins because they've become friends, so he tries to go the route of just erasing Light's memories of the Death Note again, but there's a few problems with that. Light's seen the Death Note now when he wasn't the owner of it or using it, and he also was very involved in the Kira case and knows or suspects that he was Kira at some point, both of which are dangerous points of information to leave him with. So he asks Ryuk if there's a way to erase everything, as in everything of the past year or so, and Ryuk says that only the King can do something like that.

When Ryuk refuses to go talk to the King for him, even when L tries to convince and bribe him, L goes above his head and does it anyway. Light loses a huge chunk of his memories, and Ryuk is sent back to the Shinigami realm. L goes on about his life without looking back—but he's left one very mind-fucked college kid and a pissed off Shinigami behind.

Ryuk breaks a fuckton of rules, gets himself a human body, gets a bounty put on his head by the other Shinigami, and immediately goes to find Light—who at this point is now just drifting aimlessly through life, wildly bemused as to why he feels like he's lost all hope in both himself and humanity, why his father won't look him in the eye anymore, why he's being forced to change majors and shoved away from police work, why he has so many nightmares of things he's never seen and people he's never met, why it feels like he achieved his dreams and found fulfillment only to have them ripped away from him, why he feels so different now—the boy is going through it fr. His character hasn't changed, he's just got a big gaping hole in his mind now that's eating away at him slowly, driving him to purposelessness and apathy (not helped by the people around him acting weird as fuck). He's on the verge of almost Committing™ when Ryuk finds him and swoops in like a fucked-up, corruptive punk savior.

Cue Ryuk showing Light all the things he used to love doing, i.e. drawing blood and being a terrible terrible egoistic human being >:3 Ryuk's both pleased and irritated to have to be drawing Light back out of his shell again, especially when he's so damaged now (Siri play Damaged by In This Moment—), but now that he's in a human body he can feel much, much stronger affection so he doesn't truly mind 💕 He has to be cryptic with it, but he tells Light what happened to him and now they're BOTH pissed at L. Light finds himself again through murder, and essentially runs off to be evil with Ryuk because his life is "ruined" now anyway. It isn't, but that's the tragedy of it, isn't it? You don't really come back from being a killer, even if you don't remember doing it :') It'd include a lot of L-bashing just because he'd be the antagonist here, with the nature of it being him lobotomizing Light and then leaving him to rot (even if he did it with somewhat good intentions), so if that's not your thing you don't have to go for this 🫶

My Bdaymass idea is a little more controversial, so again to reiterate these are NOT my MUST HAVE requests and you can pretend you never saw these if you'd like. But I enjoy the headcanon that BB is younger than Naomi, if not by a significant margin, but I like the idea of exacerbating it a little so I can have a freshly married Naomi and Raye foster him out of Wammy's :D Chaos ensues.

Naomi's on the fence about kids—she hasn't quit her job yet but now she's tied down to Raye and he really, really is pushing her to be a stay at home mom, so they compromise and agree to foster a kid first to see if Naomi will change her mind about having kids. (Spoiler, she will not).

Wammy's fosters every kid out at least once, so they can get a feel for the real world, and some of the ones not involved in the L program end up enjoying it and don't come back. Beyond's never been fostered out because he's so high in the rankings, but with A freshly dead they think he might need a "break" so they ship him off with the first couple that comes in, which happens to be Naomi and Raye! A little fifteen/sixteen year old angsty, angry Beyond is now trapped in a house with Naomi and Raye, Raye of which whom irritates him because he keeps trying to use his Authority™ with Beyond and Naomi of which he begins to adore because while she's awkward with him and avoids him at first, she's also very gentle with him and can relate him a lot more than either of them expected. You see where this is going.

Raye has an "accident" and is violently shunted out of the picture. Whoops. Bee's not sorry. Also he kissed your wife and she likes him better than you.

Beyond, when his time is up, decides he doesn't wanna go back in the orphan mill and fights tooth and nail kicking and screaming to be left with Naomi, but of course, it doesn't work. Naomi also tries to fight for custody of him, but again. It's Wammy's. She gets crushed, and Beyond gets yoinked back into the orphan mill—but not for very long ;3 A few months later, when she's moved back to the states, she finds Beyond knocking on her window. Covered in blood 😘

These are more fic prompts than anything, but then again I don't remember what I clicked on the form so that may be all I asked for 😅 Either way, go nuts. Whatever you make will be lovely, even if you don't use either of these! I'm very excited to see what you come up with!!!

[project-sekai-facts]

I wanted to share my thoughts on what the next focus events could be for arc enders, while also asking you what you think is going to happen if you haven’t already

L/n: I’m honestly at a loss as to what the next event has in store for us. I definitely think it’s an Ichika focus (though I’ve seen people speculate it’s Shiho), but I’m not sure what they could do. Maybe enter a recording label to increase their audience? (Haven’t read Get Over It. yet so maybe I’m missing a part of the puzzle)

VBS: most likely a Toya event, I want to see him get mad. Like full blown anger from him. He was absolutely livid in Light Up the Fire as seen from his card, so I just want him to absolutely go apeshit. Worst part is that he doesn’t have the best relationship with adult figures so the parallels with his father are there. Maybe they’ll also try to reunite with Kotaro etc? VBS has a lot on its plate after the truth bomb regarding Nagi, that’s for sure

WxS: I mean. I’m pretty sure we all know it’s indirectly confirmed to be a Rui event. And this one is most definitely addressing the disbanding of the unit. Since he’s the one most worried about it, I think it makes sense he started the arc with Farewell at the Curtain Call and now gets to end it with a conclusion that will affect the group one way or another

N25: also somewhat obvious we’re getting a Mafuyu event from the teaser, this one is surely going to address what’s on all of our minds: is she going to run away? Our Escape for Survival has definitely set me on edge so I can’t wait to see how the story plays out

Oh yeah I’ve been thinking so hard about the arc enders the past few weeks so here goes nothing

L/n: They actually got signed at the end of Get Over It. It was right at the end of chapter 8 though, so I reckon the event will be taking the first steps as pros, especially considering this was their main goal up until this point. Like how at the end of Re-tie Friendship MMJ decided to change course, and then STEP by STEP was about them actually leaving.

VBS: Toya definitely. You can work it out by MV distribution. I think this will be a getting the band back together sort of story, considering that all the side characters left in LUTF and BAD DOGS interact with the side characters more. In his last event, Toya became good friends with Souma, and considering how Taiga crushed Arata’s ambition using Souma, I wouldn’t be surprised if those two were in it a lot. I hope Kotaro gets a good resolution too after his breakdown in LUTF.

WxS: Okay I have actually spoken about this one but I’ll do it again because I’m very invested in the current WxS arc. I originally thought this would be an Emu event mainly because WxS really needs to shuffle their event order but considering we now know it will be an arc ender no way it’s not Rui. At the end of Canary in a Quagmire he says that he thinks he’s worked out a way for them to all pursue their dreams together, which. The fact that Tsukasa and Nene want to go abroad and Emu wants to stay home already kinda messes with that concept sorry Rui. WxS is very special to him because he’s never had close friends before and doesn’t want to lose it (he literally refers to it as his home in Island Panic) and I think this event will be a bittersweet slaps in the face of reality that they can’t just stay together forever. 👍 also I really want him to spill that Asahi invited him to join ArcLand (aw yeah conflict)

N25: The fucking puppet from her first event man. The puppet triggered Mafuyu in Captive Marionette because she saw herself in it - everything in her life was puppeteered by her mother. And the curtain closing? I’m not sure if she’ll actually run away, but I think she’s going to confront her mother herself. I think Mafuyu is finally more ready to confront that her mother is the problem and is controlling her every move and I want to see her at least try to break free of it.

[formulatrash]

for the 30s ask meme: 8, 13, 28, 48, 50 pls!

ty anon!!!

What cleaning product do you swear by?

hmm. tricky. I don't actually, uhm, clean very much? like not in a particularly bad way just I don't have much TO clean oh wait hang on no it's stuff for the kitchen; the basic Dettol antibacterial spray and washing up liquid. almost everything can be cleaned with hot water and washing up liquid a lot easier than anything else and it's the tool you use that matters more than the chemicals. yes you DO need a wire scrubber and a green scrubber and a soft sponge and a microfibre cloth and you need to keep them clean and dry when you're not using them because they all have different roles!!!! I will one day lose my marbles seeing my flatmate scrub at everything with the same squeegee thing.

Which filter are you most likely to go "eh, it's probably fine" when you find out you need to change it?

technically it's one at work that costs £150 to replace so I just dismiss the alert every time it comes up but at home it's probably something stupid I can't even think of. I was always meticulous about car filters because car girl and also you can avoid so many repair costs with this one weird trick. everything else tho fuck knows eh it probably still works.

Be honest, do you like all of the pictures of their babies that your friends send you?

none of my friends actually have babies currently because I'm the end of your 30s where people have either done it or given up but I didn't use to mind the baby updates. I get that having made an entire new human is quite exciting, like I send a lot of photos of my cat and I definitely didn't spend nine months cooking him up inside me.

If you could build your home from scratch, what outrageous feature would you want to build into it?

Fizzy water tap. if I was rich it'd be the first thing I installed. maybe a full soda stream so I could drink pepsi cherry max at home as well as work. legitimately nothing more aspirational I'd go apeshit if I had one.

Pro or anti throw pillows?

generally I am a bit of a bloke so I don't object to them but I also wouldn't ever think to buy them. the cat has a yellow fluffy pillow he likes that we fight over because it's good to prop my back on when we're watching the F1. yes I am aware I am one pet Instagram account away from being certifiable millennial cringe.

[crowscrafts707]

I don't make a lot of posts on here but can I just say-what in the fresh mother of fuck happened to fandoms lately??? Like I mind my business and it's in one ear and out the other, but it seems like people are going absolutely apeshit these days,,, what happened to headcanons? Tf happened to people seeing something they don't like and simply just "huh well ill move on with my life cuz I don't like this character/that person's version and not interact"

Now if you share smth about a character it's like kids freak out and send a witchhunt after you. What happened to fun??? Does anyone remember that?? Having 100s of AUs for everything because if it didn't happen in canon you could just...write/draw whatever you wanted???

I keep seeing people getting attacked over LGBTQIA+ headcanons and people threatening them cuz "tHaTs nOt cAnOn FuCk yOu" and it's atrocious. Yall know the block button is there for a reason??

The internet is your Oyster and yall keep eating the buffet food that yall actively DONT LIKE. curate it how you want. The more hate comments that you send the more you're gonna see that content broski, just choose the not interested option, block, and move on, it's truly not that serious

Also don't freak out over someone else's opinion on a character? Let people enjoy themselves.

Idk maybe I'm just old school and frankly don't care that much about character takes, but making posts about how a character can ONLY be this way and then they lose their mind and start threatening and sending hate when someone else thinks differently.

Like they're fictional bro, they can be anything. Turn them into fucking Shrek if you want to, you have the power, and it's not that serious. So long as it's not an ethnic stereotype, some type of erasure, or that line of shit, who cares.

Make your headcanons, do your fanfics and fanart. And if you see something you don't like-just don't interact???

I wonder if people actually enjoy media sometimes or if they're just using it as an excuse to troll and spread hate. Like do you ever take the stick from out of your man or are you chronically online sitting in your desk chair. Is it fused with your asscrack, have you never felt joy since you shoved the stick up there? Were you born a bitter bitch or did someone else's headcanon character come into your house and hold you hostage?

Long winded rant thing but yeah people need to chill. Another note I'd like to add, cuz this is sort of related to posts I've seen-i saw someone say that 1 character can be trans because he's like...macho masc and shit, but then character 2 can't because character 2 doesn't make masculinity his whole personality and is "too soft" basically. They make character 2 cis, agender, transfem, literally everything else but oh no don't ever make character 2 trans because hEs nOt mAn eNoUgH basically.

which is WILD to me, that's some serious deep rooted gender roles you're projecting brother, but sure. Thing is tho, I blocked and moved on and now it's in one ear and out the other, which I think is smth a lot of people need to do now instead of sending hate threats over FICTIONAL THINGS

Anyways thanks for coming to my tedtalk have a great day

[get-out-of-there-mcginnis]

If I say offhandedly “I’m stupid” it’s not a giant issue (it’s not like I only say bad things about myself); but if my dad overhears it, he’ll make a whole issue about it and give me a thirty-minute pep talk (mostly venting about his life and saying “you’re just like me and if I can do it, you can do it”), which ends up actually triggering me (when I wasn’t even mad before) because how dare HE make assumptions about me and tell me what to do, when he did [x], [y], and [z]; I’m going to do the polar OPPOSITE of what he wants (one can imagine what that is). So lo and behold, here I am with the task completed. Actually I’m kind of proud of myself because it’s not life-threatening this time.

I’m convinced I do it solely for the purpose of triggering myself at this point… also because I don’t like him and want to get a reaction. Maybe it’s because of all the positivity at work, too… I even hate saying the words “trigger” and “coping mechanism” because they reek of positivity and I hate it. I feel like if you say something even remotely bad about yourself, people dogpile you to try to censor what you said, when you may not have even meant it in the first place.

Or I just want a knockdown-dragout fight… I constantly crave a justifiable reason to go apeshit on someone. Not that I want bad things to happen in the world (nor am I dangerously bloodthirsty); but I would really like some of the chaos already happening to happen around ME so I can fucking do something. Like when the neighbor’s dog got out and I helped get her back home by using my raw wits. I liked that. I would also like to beat the shit out of a kidnapper. Run full speed. Hit and kick. Save a baby. You know? I need some violent (but wholesome) physical action or I will lose my mind.

[softschofield]

i’m so perpetually frustrated with the audience members who criticise 1917 for having “no backstory or development for the characters”

like, yes, it’s subtle. because they’re friends and friends don’t talk to each other like “oh, yes, remember all these details of my life i’m conveniently and clearly reiterating for an omniscient third party?” but fuck dude, if you pay attention and know basic facts about war or do your goddam research, there is SO MUCH DETAIL TO THEIR BACKSTORIES

like, just from one TINY DETAIL, you get so much: schofield’s wounded stripe on the left sleeve of his uniform. to get a wounded stripe in world war 1, you had to be officially listed in dispatches as being a CASUALTY, not just having been in a field hospital, meaning the wound was BAD. but, wait, what kind of wound could be so well-hidden and subtle? it could be a gunshot wound or trenchfoot, but there were also two categories that could earn a soldier the wounded stripe: gas, or shellshock. it’s therefore entirely possible that he was suffering from trauma rather than a physical wound before he met blake. given that 60,000 rounds of field artillery and 45,000 rounds of heavy artillery were fired in the first DAY of fighting, and one german described the experience of the shelling as “the earth shook, the sky seemed like a boiling cauldron [...] the ability to think logically, and the feeling of gravity, both seemed to have been removed”, shellshock is a very plausible diagnosis.

so, we know he fought in the somme, and we know which battle he fought, meaning he had been at the front for at the very LEAST 7 months. SEVEN MONTHS. that is a LONG time to be in the trenches, and it is a STAGGERING amount of time to have withstood the horror and still come out of it soft, gentle, and compassionate - think on THAT when y’all say schofield is a flat character. think about what kind of a person could kill and see people killed and live in the constant, crushing, claustrophobic terror and boredom and nothing of the trenches for most likely LONGER than that and stay kind and quiet. NEED i say any the fuck more, NEXT

just from that, we then know that blake did NOT fight in the somme, meaning he arrived at the front some time after november 1916. and, judging by his excited and fearful reaction to the front line trench before a predicted push, there’s the distinct possibility he had never seen a battle, meaning his arrival can be placed after the 18th of december 1916 and that he was still deeply innocent.

if he arrived in december and the film begins on the 6th of april, that ALSO means that they had known each other at the most for just over 3 months, very possibly less, and that they had formed a very close bond in that time.

which brings me to my next point: where are their other friends? all the other soldiers are shown to have close-knit groups, so where are theirs? why is it only them? why are they even friends in the first place? why is blake, a new recruit who had only just arrived, already the same rank as a veteran who had been there for very possibly up to or more than a year? why is a veteran hanging around with a chattery, bushy-tailed, never-seen-battle replacement? why isn’t he hanging out with his own cohort of soldiers who has been there the same amount of time as him and could much more easily relate to his trauma and exhaustion? WHY is a middle-class-sounding guy even hanging around with a lower-class farmboy in the first place?

the most plausible answer? all of schofield’s friends he went through training with are dead - probably in the somme - and he’s purposefully isolated himself to grieve with his survivor’s guilt. he was most likely wounded, lonely, and agonisingly depressed for months until a cheerful replacement arrived at the front and befriended him. and THAT’S where schofield’s fanatic devotion to him comes from, and THAT’S what “he saved my life” means, more than in the literal sense - he was lost, and broken, and numb, and blake saved him.

furthermore, because boy have i got more, blake’s backstory, in case someone out there has seen this film and still wants to hit me with that fucking “we know nothing about these characters”: we know he has an older brother, we know he has a female dog called myrtle, we know they live with their mum in a farm in the countryside with a cherry orchard, and we know his father isn’t in the picture and that he most likely hasn’t been for a long, long time, judging by blake’s lack of bitterness and daddy issues, his closeness with his mother, and the fact he isn’t in blake’s family photo. we know, from interviews, that he enlisted as soon as he came of age because his brother was an officer and he idolised him, and we know he was barely this side of 18.

another thing? the story about wilko. blake knows stories about men schofield has almost certainly known for far longer - but he didn’t interact and wasn’t told, and blake did, and he was more familiar with all of them and had stories to tell that schofield would have known if he’d been sitting in the same circle when the gossip was told. how’s THAT for subtle characterisation, chumps.

and if you just think about it, there’s so much depth to blake’s overly trusting nature - because he’s still naive, he’s still innocent, he’s still young. schofield tucks the things most special or necessary away in his inside pocket, where’s it most safe, because he’s learned lessons the hard way; blake puts them carelessly in his trouser pockets where they could fall out. schofield keeps his rifle with him even as he’s going to fetch water for the german pilot; blake discards his rifle and leaves himself vulnerable. if you just LOOK, it’s all there!

FURTHERMORE, we know schofield is in his early 20s and older than blake. we know he has a much more refined accent, and we know from interviews that he’s from cookham, berkshire. we know he has two daughters and a wife (or a sister and nieces, it’s open to interpretation, go to town), we know he suffers from shellshock, we know he most likely couldn’t face going home on his last leave and instead stayed in france and gave his medal away to a french captain, we know the subject of home is deeply triggering for him, we know he refuses to talk about his daughters, we know that his family haunts him as much as he longs for it, and we know that he didn’t receive any mail from his wife - interesting, considering blake received a letter just telling him his dog was having puppies.

and don’t even get me started on the “lack of character development”. watch me scream here about that.

also, some more backstory because now i’m on a fucking roll: lance corporals were typically the second-in-commands or heads of sections, of which there were 4 within each platoon, each comprising 12 soldiers, it's likely blake and schofield were in command of different sections in the same platoon. where does that come into play? well, scho seemed to slip very easily into a position of authority when the convoy got stuck in the mud, didn’t he? MOVING ON.

more? i have more. another little tidbit: lieutenant leslie asks schofield and blake if they are his relief, and then asks when the fuck they’re getting there when they say they aren’t. he and his men are exhausted and it was said by another soldier that “they had been blown to hell a few nights ago” - they’ve clearly been at the front a long time, which, again, is interesting, considering front line soldiers were typically rotated back into reserve after 8 days. clearly, it’s been a lot longer than that, meaning order and routine have completely broken down and a new type of despair, hopelessness, and mess has taken root. there, more backstory again. 

“oh, it’s just a shitty saving private ryan” “oh, it’s definitely no all quiet on the western front”. FIRST OF ALL, it fucking IS all quiet on the western front, have you literally even read it? baumer goes to such lengths to hardly ever use the word enemy because he doesn’t view the soldiers in the other trenches as bad, just as other innocents swept up in a war that no one should be fighting. he spends a whole chapter sobbing over the only man he’s ever killed in close combat. it’s a hundred times slower than 1917 and it hasn’t even GOT a plot. what the FUCK are you talking about?

oh, and it’s just saving private ryan? show me WHERE. a bunch of soldiers have to go into enemy territory to rescue a soldier because all his brothers have been killed in action and his family wants him home. two soldiers are sent into enemy territory with a letter to stop an attack. i am LITERALLY struggling to think of any more similarities than that and even THOSE are fucking reaching.

also, it’s literally a different war. who are you and why are you saying these things to me i am BEGGING you to please use your fucking head for just a few seconds and actually THINK

“it was so convenient that the river just happened to take him to the devons” ??? “the river. it goes there” did you just entirely miss everything lauri told him? the river quite literally flows exactly past where he is supposed to go, that’s the entire POINT, that’s WHY he jumped into it, because he KNEW it would take him there, oh my GOD

“if the convoy was going exactly where he needed to go, why didn’t erinmore tell him to meet it?” i know it might be a shocking concept, but even a general may not have known exactly the route a convoy of trucks was going to take, especially in the confused wasteland the germans had left behind in their retreat. in fact, he might not have known about the convoy at all if they were coming from a different sector of the front - WHICH, guess what, THEY WERE. captain smith mentioned they crossed no man’s land just outside bapaume, which was much further south, in the old somme battlefields. scho and blake’s trench was somewhere near boyelles, 11km north of bapaume. 

“it’s unbelievable that scho would just sit quietly and relax in the convoy truck, and then get out to give orders and take command, after what he’d just been through - and, plus, he would have gotten to écoust quicker if he’d just walked” there’s this thing called trauma. shock. dissociating. compartmentalisation. just shutting down in the face of too much grief when you don’t have the time nor capacity to let yourself feel it, acknowledge it, register it. in the script, scho is said to “almost disappear into the noise of the men.” and, honestly, the emotional illusion of regaining a scrap of control over a situation he was utterly out of control of would have been enough to prompt him to get out and give orders - but as it is that wasn’t the only thing driving him: he was desperate, and an NCO, and he needed to go. AND “he would have gotten there quicker if he’d walked”?? ???????? first of all, he didn’t know that? second of all, scho said it would take them nine hours AT THE MOST to get there and, given the fact they weren’t attacking until dawn and it was most likely morning when he and blake set off, he wasn’t in a TERRIBLE rush. THIRD of all, it was a direct order from a captain. FOURTH OF ALL, do you really think he felt like walking all that way when a truck was RIGHT THERE?

“there are too many coincidences” films are built on coincidences. they are conveniently put with a character who will end up being their soulmate at the end of it all. they conveniently uncover information that would take people in real life months to find. coincidences drive stories - one of the greatest tools of screenwriting? “don’t write what would happen, write what could happen.” what could happen is that scho finds a teenage girl and an orphaned baby sheltering in a ruined town - in a war. what could happen is that a convoy of trucks heading north towards the battle of arras logically uses the road running alongside a farmhouse. what could happen is that scho jumps into a river that he knows runs east. i just don’t understand what you’re trying to say

“oooohh for soldiers on a life-or-death mission to save one of their brothers, they sure do take their time to sight-see” they’ve seen absolutely fucking nothing but the walls of a trench and the reserve camp for months. also, it’s pretty much just common sense to clear out a building before you turn your back on it and keep walking. also, they had 8 hours, scho ended up getting there in under two hours, and blake is allowed to feel more than one emotion at a time and to be excited about exploring new places, ESPECIALLY when it’s almost certain that neither he nor schofield had ever even been out of england. war or not, the french countryside was still beautiful and blake is allowed to appreciate that. next question 

“how was there a milk pail full of milk if there was no one around to milk the cow” german soldiers were stationed in the farmhouse before they got the order to move out. “they’re not long gone.” they left an hour before hand, someone probably milked the cow before they knew they were leaving. you don’t have to read the script to have a functioning braincell 

“unbelievable that they weren’t killed by the tripwire explosion” it detonated in the tunnels, not in the bunker. they wanted to collapse the escape routes first and foremost. please, i am begging you, use your head

“why did they pull an enemy out of the plane” basic human decency. i cannot believe i have to explain this concept. soldiers in the first world war were especially conscious of the humanity of the men in the other trench. you say blake had no character and then get mad when he’s shown to be so kind and selfless that he’ll burn himself rescuing a german. i don’t know what you want from me, get out of my kitchen 

“schofield was an idiot for stopping to interact with lauri and the baby” he was concussed. he knew there was somewhere he had to be but he didn’t remember what or where until he heard the church bells. also, for people who criticise the “lack of character development and backstory”, ya hate to see character building moments. it clearly wasn’t the first time he’s recited that poem to a baby. make the connection dipshits 

“the germans shot like fucking stormtroopers, how did they not hit him?” point one: one of them was blind drunk. when muller is ranting while scho is strangling baumer, he says that maybe they should head back and that maybe they won’t realise they’ve been missing. the implication? either they’ve gone AWOL, or they’re stragglers from the retreat back to the new line. either way, at least one, and very possibly all of them are off their fucking faces, considering the one by the burning church tripped over his own goddamn feet chasing scho. point two: not in a thousand years would they have expected a lone english soldier to just pop up out of nowhere in ecoust. it was so unexpected that you really can’t blame them for being flustered and confused.

“how the FUCK did the letter survive the river in one piece?” he put it in his tin. there’s literally an entire 30 seconds of the convoy scene just devoted to showing scho tucking it in there. i don’t understand how i have to say this

“it’s too gruesome” aside from the hand in the corpse and the dead horses, where? where? also, it’s the first world war. i can’t believe what i’m hearing. who are you people

“it’s not exciting enough, it’s slow, it’s dull” IT’S SUPPOSED TO SHOW THE CONSEQUENCES AND AFTERMATH OF WAR INSTED OF THE SHALLOW EXCITEMENT OF IT YOU DUNCE

in conclusion, suck my ASS anyone who says they didn’t have backstory or development or that there are ~raging plot holes~. FUCK

anyone who doesn’t want the actual soft and only good person in the world William Schofield to live a happy life in peace just isn’t valid and that’s all i’ll ever say on the matter you fucking degenerate scum rotten tomato reviewers

[leatherbookmarking]

the problem with hikago and sg simply Not talking to his high school friends anymore is that on one hand i want to say bullshit and have pleasant thoughts about kids trying to keep in touch against busy schedules and shitty phones. the texts! the calls! e-mails! maybe even letters! that’s a whole bunch of GOOD STUFF esp with the written things because obviously you can say more when you’re not actually saying it,

on the other, there’s something painfully realistic about friendships -- even those that inspire episode titles -- just... falling apart. for stupid reasons. for lack of time. simply because. “drifted apart”. the other day i read a fic about jiang xueming going through boxes with all her old stuff, childhood treasures and little letters to sg and just, realizing that she’s not the closest person to him anymore, that those times ended and won’t come back, and i just? this is so sad. this is so real. augh.

no honestly watch hikago it’s gooddddddd

[spywitch]

we all laugh at those “one day I’m just gonna go apeshit” posts but I’m deadass

[inkytsuki]

I played new Vegas for a few hours with the tritanopia color correction on (cause tritanomoly is big afterthought) and I don't have a headache????????? Like did I see the color yellow?? No!!! But girl....everything was so soft and not harsh on my eyes. I COULD SEE SHIT IN THE DARK AREAS WITHOUT HAVING TO PUT ON A RESHADE PRESET. There are so many colors of blue I've never seen???????? And SO MANY COOL TONED GREENS!!!!!! like I'm actually crying a Lil bit rn about this.

Tomorrow???? I'm gonna look at blue greens which I can only see one color of in varying values.

[matan4il]

Kinnporsche 107 sex scene meta

Me: I am not going to fall down yet another hyperfixation rabbit hole, I am not.

My brain: Yes, but have you considered Kinnporsche’s bathroom sex scene at the end of ep 107?

(Below: going feral over why this is one of the best sex scenes ever)

This sex scene as a turning point

This scene tells a whole story, which is why it’s so emotionally evocative. It’s Kinn and Porsche’s turning point. Before it, they’ve done so many things together, they’ve felt attracted to the other man, they’ve felt anger, they’ve kissed, they’ve argued, they’ve fucked, and so often, they’ve pretended with each other. It isn’t easy for them to openly show what they feel and be vulnerable like that. Even after Kinn took a bullet for Porsche (!) at the end of 106, they still have moments when they pretend. Porsche tries to walk out of Kinn’s hospitalization room in the side story as if he didn’t nearly lose his damn mind at Khun making a joke about his brother’s condition, while Kinn in 107 tells Vegas he can do whatever he wants to with Porsche as if he won’t go apeshit crazy when he’ll think that’s happening... And this pretending takes place even after it’s already become so clear that they matter a lot to each other (for example, Porsche is staying as Kinn’s bodyguard despite them both knowing how much he hates certain inevitable parts of mafia life, and Kinn’s wishing for the first time in his life for the minor family’s success just so Porsche would return safely to him). They both have trust issues, and being that vulnerable with someone through honesty about their feelings and wants, it’s still just too damn much for them.

But not after this sex scene. They’ll still have their trials and issues, but this scene is what marks the end of them pretending to care less about each other than they do. Everything that will follow, even when there will be stuff that they keep from the other one, will still be so much more honest in terms of how they feel about each other and wanting to be together.

Which is why this scene is built as an emotional journey, signalling the change from the primal phase they were in during the first part of the season, to a new, deeper relationship in the second part. It’s why the scene starts with conflicted sex (which they’ve had before) and transitions into sweet, even joyful lovemaking (which they will have again afterwards). This scene encompasses a summary of their journey, while also being one of the most pivotal points in it. It is a mini reflection of the whole play. It’s brilliance.

That transition is why it has to start with anger, with a sense of betrayal (Kinn’s when he sees Porsche with Vegas, Porsche’s when he realizes Kinn blames him for Vegas’ unwanted advances), then passes through regret to reach the point where they both choose each other, not because they’re unaware of their points of conflict, but with a new understanding that they care enough about each other to be able to surpass them.

Defiant anger is built into what allowed them to happen in the first place. A part of why Kinn falls for Porsche to begin with is the fact that this man does NOT accept any of Kinn’s bullshit. We see it in 101 already. Porsche has the audacity to insist on getting paid for his help to the point of deciding he’s taking Kinn’s watch, the one right next to Kinn’s infamous mafia family ring (we have a clear shot of both in the same frame), and even as Kinn shows interest, Porsche doesn’t want to give him a phone number, and barely even gives him a first name (which Kinn will quickly discover is not the real one anyway). To truly emphasize how completely out of the ordinary this experience is for Kinn, right after Porsche rides away, we see a car pulling up next to Kinn and a stream of bodyguards pours out of it and bows in perfect sync to our mafia prince. This serves to highlight right away just how unique Porsche is and why Kinn HAS to take note of him.

So it’s no wonder that Porsche’s first time confessing his love to Kinn plays out along these lines. It’s not a sweet and docile confession. It’s a storm powered by Porsche’s anger. Which may not sound very romantic, except consider Kinn for a second. At the point where Porsche first meets him, he trusts no one. He’s guarded and closed, and surrounded by people who bow to his every wish. And he’s been deeply wounded by a man he did have feelings for. IDK if he was in love with Tawan, but Kinn felt enough for him that even after Tawan’s betrayal,  Kinn kept Tawan’s picture in his bedroom. We only get a small glimpse at what Kinn and Tawan’s relationship was like, whether it was fake from the start or if at first Tawan did feel something for Kinn, but the lying and manipulating had to have started back then, and in the present we see Tawan doing that by being extra available and seemingly very sweet and docile for Kinn. It must have been a very convincing act at the time, yet Kinn managed to realize that it was a lie, that while Tawan claimed to love him, his ex never did. 

So imagine how meaningful it was to Kinn that Porsche is nothing like Tawan. That he doesn’t try to appease and be subservient. That he stands up to Kinn, and gets angry, and shouts, and pushes Kinn away. The manipulative Tawan probably never did any of those things, he surely didn’t want to risk what he had with Kinn. Which is why it matters so much that Porsche’s first love confession is so angry and ready to call it quits. Because the tragedy of what Tawan did is that Kinn has trouble believing in soft love confessions. But Porsche getting angry, Porsche calling Kinn shitty in the very same sentence in which he admits his love? That’s honest. That Kinn can believe. And all of the softness we’re going to see between them after 107 is made possible because of that very HONEST anger. In that moment, Kinn can feel that Porsche is telling him the truth, which is why Kinn himself can apologize, because he really does grasp in that moment that he was wrong, that Porsche wouldn’t play with and manipulate him the way Tawan did.

And the second Kinn realizes his mistake, he apologizes right away. I wanna point out how this also connects to 101. We don’t know why Porsche is so insistent on getting 50,000 baht from Kinn until later on, when we meet Uncle Thee and realize Porsche needs the money to cover up this man’s debts. Despite everything that Thee puts Porsche and Porchay through, he never truly apologizes, he never sees how deeply his actions hurt these two orphaned brothers, or feels any genuine remorse for that, never mind attempt to compensate the two for what they’d gone through because of him. Worse, at first he actually spins things around in such a way that Porsche actually ends up apologizing himself to Thee, even though Porsche did nothing wrong. He just wanted to see to his brother’s education, which is valid and right, and a much better use of the money than covering Thee’s debts. Even when he does eventually apologize, it’s clear that his apology is of the “I’m sorry I got caught, still need you to bail me out of this” variety.

So once again, just think about how different it is for Porsche, seeing Kinn realize that he had mistaken Porsche’s intents with Vegas, that he had spoken too harshly, and witnessing how Kinn actually cares enough that he's ready and willing to do whatever it takes to fix things. He sincerely apologizes and then proceeds to show Porsche that he knows he got it wrong, that unlike the hurtful things he said, he actually adores Porsche, and that Kinn will expresses that by physically worshipping him. By taking the time and making Porsche feel good and profoundly appreciated. There is no evasion of responsibility or manipulation on Kinn’s side. And for a man as proud and stubborn as him (characteristics Porsche is already aware of by 107), admitting he was wrong and apologizing is no small thing. Porsche must know this because at the end of the day, he chooses not to walk away from Kinn.

We all know he could. Sure, Kinn’s strong, can fight and has a gun, but we’ve seen Porsche able to fight off even people with guns who seem stronger than him. We’ve even seen him and Kinn face off in 101, and Porsche being completely undaunted by the gun Kinn was carrying, being ferocious enough that he managed to get himself out of there despite Kinn’s skills, his gun, or his bodyguards’ weapons all pointed at Porsche. So if he managed to get out of that one, he could def get out of that bathroom if he wanted to.

But he doesn’t get out. He doesn’t want to, because on some level, he can feel the change in Kinn, the realization he was wrong, the regret, the willingness to make it up to Porsche. It’s their turning point. And maybe my most fave part about an entire scene full of beauty and emotion perfectly captured, is the way Porsche physically turns around towards Kinn. It’s their turning point, literally.

This isn’t just some bathroom quickie. This is the beginning of Kinn and Porsche being on the same page, trusting each other, because they finally grasp that there is real love there. The foundation for everything we’re going to see them building together in the second half of the season.

At the end of the day, this trust is going to be so crucial for them. It’s what they both are missing at the start of the show. Kinn, as a mafia prince, trusts no one, especially not after Tawan’s betrayal. But Porsche is really suspicious of people as well. Like Kinn he has a small circle of people around him that he cares about and trusts, mostly family, but not a lot beyond that. When he meets women at Yuk’s bar, he’s not interested in anything other than sex. That requires too much of him, including trust. And when Kinn wants his phone number and his name, Porsche doesn’t trust him with either. As much as we can understand Kinn’s lack of trust in terms of the mafia world he was born into, Porsche has a somewhat similar experience in terms of the world being an untrustworthy place. He lost both his parents at a young age, the people who should be there to protect him most of all. And then he had one parental figure in his life, Thee. But that man kept amassing debts, which Porsche had to regularly pay off, risking him, his brother, Porchay’s education, their house... In 103, Porsche explicitly talks about the violence and brutality he has experienced at the hands of debt collectors, even Porchay was used to it enough that we saw him in 101 taking care of Thee’s bruises without batting an eye. Add to this that Porsche has also been involved in street fighting, a world in which we saw the “ring master” cheating Porsche out of some of the money he was owed. So trust is a crucial element that neither of them get to have beyond a very small circle of immediate family and a couple of lifelong friends. 

That’s why the real test for their love is trust. Where love confessions and the realization those feelings are mutual, those are often the climax of a love story, for Kinnporsche that happens to a great degree in the 107 sex scene. Porsche admits to loving Kinn, while Kinn shows his love through his apology, and the sex being so consensual and equal-footed, that’s in a sense them coming together and realizing they’re on the same page. But that’s not enough, because the real question is, is what they feel for each other enough to build the trust they both lack and desperately need?

In the second half of the season, they’re going to come across two huge tests of trust. And not just any tests, these are going to be grounded in a shift in reality, the kind that makes people doubt themselves, let alone others.

Kinn’s test is gonna come first, when Tawan shows up, “back from the dead”. Just think about how mind boggling that had to be for Kinn. Porsche didn’t know Tawan, he wasn’t there when Tawan was shot, and he was so certain the guy was dead that he was convinced he was being haunted by his boyfriend’s dead ex. So just imagine how much Kinn’s sense of reality must have been challenged when he was there and convinced he killed Tawan himself... It’s not simple to still have faith in yourself or in your new boyfriend after being so deeply betrayed by your ex and when things you thought you knew for a fact get challenged. And yet, we’ll come to find out Kinn did, that he never lost his trust in Porsche, not even when it looked like he did. Kinn’s real challenge wasn’t in whether or not to believe Porsche over the “resurrected” Tawan. It was in trusting him enough to let him go when Porsche escaped imprisonment in 110.

Yes, we’ve seen Kinn letting Porsche go at the end of 106, which was an incredibly important step for him. But it’s one thing to do that when they never got to be together as a couple, when Kinn never got to experience how happy they could be sharing their lives, and when he thought he was letting Porsche go in favor of pursuing his dream of opening a bar on the beach, getting away from the darkness of the mafia world. It’s a different thing to know how happy they can both be if Porsche doesn’t go, and that if he does, they may never get that. Because by now, Porsche is tangled too deeply in the webs of this dark world, if he leaves, it’s not in order to pursue freedom and lifelong dreams. It’s to get away from Kinn. And all along, Kinn knows it can all be resolved so easily if Porsche just stays and hears the explanation regarding Tawan. But Kinn understands that if he insists, if when Porsche is asking for Kinn’s trust he won’t get it, it may be over in any case. Letting him go at this point must have been hard enough considering how at the end of 105 we saw Kinn still being that man who insists on getting everything and everyone he wants. He had to really struggle not to express himself in that way. So just imagine how hard it had to be, how much trust it actually took for Kinn to let Porsche go at that moment, especially when he probably knew Vegas, the man Kinn already suspected of being behind Tawan’s betrayal, was most likely the guy behind breaking Porsche out of that prison cell. 

Then it’s Porsche’s turn to have his trust tested. And if Kinn experienced a revelation that would put a dent in his sense of reality, this is even more true for Porsche. His parents dying in an accident is one of the most forming experiences of his life, and then he first discovers that’s not how they were killed, then later he finds out his mom is still alive, though in a sense she’s still out of his reach. Everything he knew collapses. His own memories turn out to be untrustworthy. We see him physically experience discomfort as he struggles with that. Thee was supposedly his uncle, the man who raised him and Porchay since they were little and orphaned, but he turns out to be some stranger inserted into their lives, while a man Porsche thought was a stranger turns out to be his uncle through adoption. All of that together, it’s so destabilizing, but remember Porsche had trust issues to begin with. So to now find out all of this, to know he can’t even trust his own mind... How does one even handle something like that? It could make anyone fall apart. Yet, before the end of 114, we get the answer. Porsche isn’t okay, his trust in Korn has been shaken up seemingly for good, yet there he is, choosing to put his trust in Kinn. Eventually even pledging Porsche’s own life to him.

Kinn himself, in a sense, is tested during that final battle, too. He has been raised his whole life to believe that only those who are loyal to Korn can be trusted. Even after all of the lies and manipulations, Kinn is still extremely loyal to his father, we never even see him getting to express any upset over Korn faking his death and all the turmoil, death and destruction that brought about. Kinn's whole identity has always revolved around being his father’s son, to the degree that he still asks for Porsche to declare his loyalty to the main family, meaning to Korn, at the big battle. And he doesn’t get what he’s asking for. Porsche refuses to pledge his allegiance to this mafia family. Yet despite that, he states he is loyal to Kinn. And that is maybe the first thing Kinn has ever had that is truly his, not something he got thanks to being a mafia prince. Porsche’s love and trust is actually something Kinn has earned despite his family. That’s not something Kinn is supposed to want or accept. Yet Kinn trusts Porsche, so that Porsche is loyal to him, despite not being loyal to the family or Korn? That’s good enough. That’s another small trust test they pass.

I can’t say enough about how powerful I think that is, which is why I also believe no matter what’s gonna come their way if we ever see a season 2, Kinnporsche can overcome it. Korn is still a very dubious figure, these love birds are still deep within the brutal mafia world, so challenges are bound to rise sooner or later. But they love and trust each other, so I feel no doubt they will come out on the other side of such challenges stronger than ever.

Yeah, basically the epicness of Kinnporsche’s love story is their trust and the way it manages to hold on and help them win even in the face of a reality bent out of shape. No matter what, by the end of 114, they know they can trust each other. And the moment when we first really see them committing to this trust, when they’re in sync for the first time and choose this trust (choose to trust the other man’s love confession and apologetic expression of love) is during this brilliant sex scene. There’s a reason I’m never gonna be over that scene, and it’s not just how hot it is. Which, for the record, is VERY.

This sex scene as a dance

It’s not just the idea behind the scene that’s powerful, or the meaning of it, its power is also in the way it was filmed. It is a dance. We can feel its rhythm. Half a step forward, one step back, sideways glide, turn and coming back together for the big, climactic jump.

When Kinn barges in there and kicks Vegas out, you can see Porsche is happy about it. Not only did Kinn just stop Vegas from continuing with those unwanted sexual advances, he was also damn sexy while doing it. Porsche is smiling at Kinn (the same hooded smile he had when they were on the balcony earlier in the ep, flirtingly discussing using Kinn’s “other gun”). 

You can tell that Kinn’s anger takes Porsche by surprise, see the joy draining out of him. In fact, this is so not what he expected that at first he doesn’t even know how to react to it, he just searches Kinn’s face for answers. Porsche knows he did nothing wrong, so how is he even in a situation to have to defend himself? It’s only when Kinn keeps pushing and even gives him a small slap that Porsche is moved into action. He gives Kinn a shove that mirrors the slap. It’s an expression of Porsche’s anger, but also puts them back on equal ground. He’s making it clear he will not be pushed around.

Porsche protests that he didn’t do anything, to which Kinn responds with a bitter, cynical smile, a physical sign of his hardship in believing this. And then trust comes up explicitly. That’s what was truly jarring for Porsche, not the slap, but realizing that Kinn still doesn’t trust him. “Shoot me already,” he says, because in this very ep he heard (from Vegas, who omitted Tawan’s betrayal) that Kinn’s paranoia led to him killing ex. That’s a freaking scary thought, to know the guy you’re into might kill you, because he’s done it before. But Porsche didn’t run away, instead he was still smiling when Kinn first leaned over him after getting Vegas out of that bathroom. He doesn’t run away now either. No, instead he challenges Kinn to shoot him. For a second, it’s as if he demands, “You will love me, and with that trust me for real, or I will die right here.”

But then he adds, “Just like how you shot your ex.” There. If the shove balanced off Kinn’s slap, it’s these words that balance his hurtful accusation. This is exactly when we see Kinn’s bitter smile slips off, just as Porsche’s genuine one disappeared earlier. These words hurt him so much, Kinn leans in closer, ready to hand out the real blow with deliberation. But it’s not a physical one, it’s the accusation that Porsche is sluttier than he thought.

And it lands. That was crossing the line. Which is ironic, because before Kinn came along, based on everything we see in 101 and hear Porsche tell Yuk in 108, Porsche was a bit of a slut (affectionate). He flirted with the women at the bar, if they were interested he slept with them right there at his work place, he never went on dates, we saw him going from zero to hot and heavy sex in no time, he showed no interest in seeing these women again, and had zero attachment to anyone. He was perfectly happy that way. Obviously, he had every right to be. But Kinn is clearly different for Porsche. Kinn was someone he was attracted to and grew emotionally attached to even before they first kissed. He felt enough that after they had sex, despite the murky circumstances, Porsche couldn’t get Kinn out of his head, he couldn’t sleep with someone else despite trying to, instead he kept flashing back to the way Kinn touched him, evidently wanting that over anything else he’s ever experienced with any of those other women. Kinn ruined Porsche by getting under his skin. Which is why this accusation is so deeply devastating. It completely erases Porsche’s love and how it affected him. If Kinn can’t see that, how can he possibly be convinced that he’s wrong?

So Porsche slaps Kinn, bigger this time, and angrily states he should have never loved such a shitty guy. This is his angry love confession and it comes from a wound, from a place of hopelessness. It’s so hurt and so raw, Kinn doesn’t doubt it. He can’t. But in that very moment, Porsche already turns to leave. He’s had it. This is their dance, perfect synched opposite movements. Porsche is ready to walk out precisely when Kinn realizes that he really does have this man’s love. That he can trust it. He’s ready to fight for it by making amends exactly when Porsche is ready to give up on it.

So Kinn has to stop him from leaving, but Porsche is in no place to hear him out. The result is they’re backed up against the wall. Kinn is so desperate to apologize and make things right. Porsche is physically surrounded by him. But something shifts in that moment. It doesn’t change completely, Porsche is still angry and hurt. But he’s also looking into Kinn’s eyes, and he sees there something that’s enough to stop from Porsche from fully trying to walk out. Like I mentioned, he could have fought Kinn, he could have gotten out of that bathroom. He chooses to let Kinn back him into the wall. Porsche is still upset, he turns his own back and raises his shoulders like another wall between them, but he’s not completely closed off. He doesn’t talk, but he’s there. He can hear whatever Kinn has to say.

What does he say? He just experienced sincere anger, indicating sincere love, and now he’s awash with sincere guilt. He’s searching for the right words, he’s straining, you can see it in the way the vein in his temple stands out, he’s hovering his lips, his breath, over Porsche’s skin. Then he finally settles for something that isn’t an explanation, and it isn’t some grand speech. It’s an honest apology. And he echoes it with every following adoring gesture ghosting over the nape of the man he loves.

And Porsche? He knows it doesn’t have to be some grand speech. He’s familiar with the actual rarity of an honest apology and a willingness to work to make things right. He lets Kinn kiss his nape. Just think about how vulnerable that area is. How sensitive. How many physical sensations can be evoked there. Porsche chooses to allow it. His head started out down, in a self-protective angle, but now it’s rising slightly. We still can’t quite see him, but the expression on his face is more visible than a moment ago. 

All along, the camera dances with them too, moving from a greater focus on Kinn (he was the center of the frame in the moment when he backed Porsche into the wall), to both of them, to them with their reflections in the mirror, then backing away from the reflections to being once more just them.

This is so important. Reflections in art are where people meet themselves, where they can reflect back on who they are, what they want, where their true self or happiness lies and how they can get there. Kinn has to look all of his doubts and shed them for his apology to be real. Porsche has to make a decision on whether he can trust Kinn enough to forgive him. But while reflections are an opening for insight and self-inspection, they’re also dangerous in art. Those who look at their reflections and fail to find the right insight, to act on it, to find their way from that reflection to their true self, might get caught in the unreal reflection. The horror genre is especially notorious for this (mirrors, doppelgangers, etc). So it matters that the camera pans over to the mirror, to give them that ability to form their insights, but then withdraws from their reflections back to Kinn and Porsche. And when does the camera start its movement back? Precisely when Kinn says he’s sorry. Precisely when the camera’s angle does lower, catches a better glimpse of Porsche’s eyes. They’re being honest. They could make it.

It’s then that Porsche begins to turn towards Kinn. Hesitantly. But this is a part of their dance. Porsche turns as the camera moves back from the mirror, turns as Kinn moves with him and backs away a bit to give him space, turns as there’s now just enough space for the background light to flood in from behind, take up the space between them and break into a thin, faint rainbow at the edge.

They just look at each other. This is so fragile. Kinn is apologizing, Porsche is willing to give it a chance, but this is still so uncertain. They clearly have the power to hurt each other deeply. That’s a reason to walk away. But they have that power because they love each other so much. That’s a reason to stay. They look at one another, and they see all that. They have to decide whether they want this with all of the risks attached.

And Kinn does. He raises his hand to grasp the hair at the back of Porsche’s neck, like a signal of what he’s about to do. That’s time for Porsche to stop this if he doesn’t want it to happen. He doesn’t. Kinn’s got implicit permission, and he dives into it, into making things better by worshipping Porsche, by making him feel good. It’s still hesitant and cautious. He doesn’t dare kiss Porsche on the lips. He’s not worthy yet. He knows what that kind of kissing means, it’s why he avoided it with everyone else after Tawan. Everyone but Porsche. Yet now, Kinn is denying himself that, and instead he starts kissing Porsche everywhere else. Who doesn’t stop it. So Kinn keeps going, and going, and eventually he circles back, works his way up, physically, to kissing Porsche on the mouth. Once again, he’s allowed to. Porsche had closed his eyes when Kinn started kissing him, starting his surrender to how it made him feel. And now, he actively joins the kiss, opens his mouth for it. And Kinn practically devours Porsche at this point. This is where you can really feel the desperation he’s been reigning in since the second Porsche was ready to walk away from them.

But the kiss is stopped. Porsche pushes Kinn away, holds him by his neck at a small distance, and examines him. They’ve kissed and had sex and flirted in no uncertain terms before, but this will be the first time Porsche really chooses this. He looks at Kinn with the full understanding of what it means if he doesn’t stop them now. Kinn gives him a small nod, and Porsche’s hands are letting go of his throat, allowing the distance between them to dissipate, rising up to cup Kinn’s face, while his own go down to undo Porsche’s pants. It’s a dance. Synchronized timing, opposite motions, one final direction they’re both moving in. They’re finally moving with each other in perfect harmony.

Kinn pulls down Porsche’s pants like a revelatory act, feeling up his hips with so much reverie. The camera travels up and down their bodies to show us all that, in a similar manner to how Kinn’s hands were roaming over Porsche’s skin. There’s so much adoration in the gaze, as much as there is in the touch, and that’s amplified when the camera focuses back on their faces, intently focused on each other.

Kinn starts jerking Porsche off. They start moaning loudly, their bodies tense and stretch, and Porsche’s hand joins Kinn down there. The intensity on their faces makes way for something more. Porsche’s delight. He’s relishing this. This sex and this man that he chose. Their hands start stroking at exactly the same time, and Kinn grabs Porsche’s hair tightly while repeating his name. It’s the first time we see this mafia prince, whose lives and the lives of his men have always depended on him being fully in control, start to unravel. After Tawan, Kinn didn’t intend on ever loving again, and now he gets to, and this time, it’s the real thing, with someone who’s honest with him, and loves him right back. That’s so intense, no wonder he’s not quite in control.

Which is exactly when Porsche steps up, takes charge as they both start smiling at each other, basking in how good this is. Porsche even stops for a second, licks his hand, and brings it back down to bring them both to completion.

Because this is their dance: the sex in this scene, just like their relationship overall, starts out with Kinn being the active one, the initiator, the one in control, but soon Porsche joins him, at first with trepidation, but then with more and more enthusiasm, with more commitment and passion poured into it, eventually matching Kinn, and even taking control himself, bringing them back to an equal footing. The initial choice is Kinn’s and the final one is Porsche’s, just like in the show overall. It matters so much that the sex itself is implied to be an act of mutual masturbation, it’s maybe the most “egalitarian” of sex acts that two men can have.

And when it’s over, they don’t let go of each other. Skin against clothes, we see them holding on and kissing. Hugging, and burying their faces in the crook of each other’s neck. That must have been the first time they felt that this is truly theirs. That they can have this. A joy and togetherness and love and fulfilment neither one of them was even hoping for. This was the big jump, the real leap of faith, and they took it together, completely in sync. All of the trust we’ll see later that will get them through everything, that will get them to the moment where they have their symbolic “wedding,” letting us know their commitment to each other doesn’t fall short of any heteronormative marriage, we’d have none of that if it weren’t for this perfect moment.

Thank you so much to the wonderful @nattaphum​​ for her permission to add the beauty of her gifs (which everyone should check out) to this post, and help put this meta together. Cris, you’re a gift to your fandom, so this is kind of a belated bday gift to you. Buon compleanno! xoxox

[kaunisbaby]

🔥BLIND CHANNEL+LOST SOCIETY GIG REPORT SOMEONE ACTUALLY ASKED FOR🔥

(please bear in mind that i was running on 1.30 hours of sleep and a full week of extremely severe anxiety before this damn night)

my friend and i took the train at 8 in the morning but since we're in italy we arrived two hours behind schedule 👍🏻 we got to the venue at around four i think?? where we met the lovely @maryonacross-mp3 and @braindeadfern hiii babes i love you 😭😭💕💕💕💕💕💕

so. the meet and greet. i was very nervous about it. i didn't have any questions prepared and no gifts because i had been so sure i couldn't have uttered a single word. turns out the guys are not intimidating at all, i felt so at ease during the whole thing! a girl asked joonas what he had for lunch (no we italians will never not be outraged by the fact they had sushi the last time they were here. we're a food based culture im sorry) and he said pasta with tomato so i guess he's forgiven 🙄🙄 some other questions were if they knew some italian musicians apart from måneskin and they said eros ramazzotti (🤨 unexpected) and laura pausini (joel said the first and aleksi the latter, which is vital information if you ask me). also a girl asked olli to sign her bass and i think it was super cool, i wonder where she put it during the show though 😅

the most fun part was where some fans made them play a game they prepared. basically the band (we were tight on time so only joonas, aleksi and olli participated) had to pick a card with an italian tongue twister written on it and the one who read it correctly would win a prize (the prize being the cake in santeri's stories!). olli won with the best pronunciation 😅 aleksi had the longest one and for some reason he thought we read double L like in spanish 😂😂 this part was exhilarating honestly

during the group photo i asked aleksi for a hug 🥺🥺 he's so damn sweet, even the way he says "sure" when you ask him for a picture or a hug is super soft. the hug felt amazing 🥺 god im in love

i would've asked joel for one too but he was far away from me and i felt like i was taking too much time, since many other fans were still in line!

now on to showtime: i ended up first row in the center. i tend to try and not go apeshit with support bands generally (my body is starting to rebel against my reckless singing/dancing/headbanging/jumping) but lost society were just so fucking good i couldn't restrain myself. samy was standing right opposite of me and we locked eyes often. i was singing at the top of my lungs and he seemed pleased with it, so much so that at some point he held his microphone to my face as if to make me sing but i was like DUDE WHAT 😂😂

blind channel were fuckin amazing, but if you're reading this then you probably already know 😌 i had the time of my life!! let myself lose all control!! some highlights would be locking eyes with joel and him widening his eyes at how enthusiastically i was singing 🥰 and getting to hold both joel's and niko's hands during/after dark side!!

(also very personal but autopsy felt just as cathartic as i thought it would)

then!! my friends and i decided to stay at the venue to eat and drink something (the venue had a bar outside) just minding our own business (i was telling them about the m&g 👀) and then we saw the band get out 👀👀👀

we and some other fans gathered around them by the bus, joel was talking to fans with a glass of white wine in hand 😂 i asked him for a picture and he was extremely sweet 🥺 then i turn around and suddenly niko is opposite of me like 😳😳 hi hello, and we took a picture together as well 🥰 then my friend drags me over to aleksi and she tells him "here she is, im sure you remember her" (she meant the hug from the m&g i had been screaming about 😅) and like it was only slightly embarrassing because he was actually so cute about it, and we got another picture 🥰🥰🥰

and this is it i guess 😅 it was an amazing experience and i loved every second i spent in the proximity of/inside the venue. im extremely happy about how everything went, the guys were amazing in every sense of the word and im still vibrating 💕💕💕

[spinjitsuburst]

How Many seasons Evil Jay theories we have to create to any writer to make it happend for real

We have

Snake Evil (cause why not)

Nindroid (cyborg) Jay

Chen recruit

Pirate with family issues

Overlord-Jay

Ice emperor minion

Purple Lightning corr

Jay was Unagami

Or mister i lost my wife so i’ll lost my self LMAO

But only received twice a Brain washed magic that corrupted the rest of the Team as well, for them not even represent a menace in the plot.

OMG YES TO A L L OF THIS

Snake Jay but Evil is such a vibe tbh

CYBORG JAY I LOVE ROBOTS I LOVE NINDROIDS I LOVE CYBORGS AAAAAAAAAA please i love this so much

Chen recruit verrrrrry interesting :D normally I see Kai in this position but a Jay one would be fun (esp since he's always so tied to snakes)

PIRATE WITH FAMILY ISSEUSEUGSG YEAH that's just season 6 canon /j

Overlord Jay ooooh :O tbh the Overlord is an under-utilized villain by the fandom i think more people should have fucked up Overlord possession AUs

ICE EMPEROR MINION YES tbh the fic Ice Emperor and Earth Dragon kinda ruined my brain chemistry if I don't consume a new form of "Ice Emperor corrupts one of the ninja" concepts like every month I lose my mind, I love the Ice Emperor

Funny story about the purple lightning thing, I wanna storyboard that section of Seabound where Jay goes apeshit on Kalmaar but he gets struck by the purple lightning and gets extremely OP and proceeds to KICK KALMAAR'S ASS. Having it CORRUPT Jay tho hmmm,,,,,,,

JAY AS UNAGAMI CORRECT NO COMMENTARY NEEDED

literally i - okay okay okay okay i fully. before we got any crystalized info at all before we got the name and the poster and all that. i FULLY thought season 16 was gonna be jay being desperate and heartbroken and going to nadakhan to wish nya back and that would be the plot i was SO SURE. they set up the teapot for so long and i was like THIS IS IT THIS IS WHERE IT'S GONNA COME INTO PLAY. and then. that did not happen HGJKFDSHJGHDFHGDFSKJGF

as for the last one i'm assuming that happens in crystalized which i've only seen half of LMAOOOOO i'm too scared to watch the rest of it

[dear-ao3]

the lore of dear-ao3

yes. my ao3 blog has lore. no i did not do this on purpose. i just work here.

who am i? you might be asking. a very good question. i am saph, your mod. the one and only mod. i run this blog in all of my tired college triple major glory, and by run i mean that i usually forget this blog exists until i click on my inbox. its the middle child of my blogs.

but that is besides the point. this is a post about the lore.

all was peaceful up until the night of february 4th, 2021. i was minding my own business, going through my inbox after i had let the tags stack up for a few days when i came across this lovely tag:

and i said haha, that passes vibe check, it can get posted. so i slapped on these tags:

and posted it. said post is here if you would like to look at it

and then the asks started rolling on. people agreeing with me that montana wasnt real. people began asking me my opinions on other states. in a fit of why the fuck not i posted as many as possible before i hit my post limit for the day (a feat that i had never and will not ever reach again). after the monstrosity of a night, people decided that i should keep posting state discourse at a one per day rate on account of the fact that i still had so much of it in my ask box. i agreed. we all found a new normal.

and then. less than two weeks later. disaster struck.

the morning of february 12 was just like any other. i dragged myself out of bed at 7:30 after a sad 5 hours of sleep, at some watery oatmeal, threw my hair in a ponytail and logged into my west african technique class because it was still covid times and i was taking classes from my bedroom. i finished class 2 hours later and flopped down on the floor with my 32 ounce hydroflask and my laptop to scroll through my tumblr inbox and find a good state discourse for that day. this was the ask i chose to answer on that fateful day:

no one, not even the writers of the gods of november 5 could not predicted what would happen next. people went apeshit, they couldn't fucking even. isn't delaware that thing that holds food? isn't delaware that song by the plain white tees? isn't delaware that ship that exploded the internet?

my poor head nearly exploded.

within 24 hours the post had over 70k notes. a week later it was featured on the hellsite hall of fame blog. someone made a delaware post blog. we still truly haven't recovered from the ripples that are still emanating from this monstrosity of an infinity stone that is the delaware post.

surely saph, you might be saying, surely that is all? surely that is all you have had to endure?? to which i say nay nay!! there is more, my dear reader!!

i was getting tired of my ask box being flooded with state discourse so i asked people to send in their favorite fanfic stories. they were all pretty standard as far as fanfic stories go, writing smut in the back of religion class, turning in johnlock fanfic to a professor, even writing fanfic about professors....the usual. and then. i got this ask:

which is, yes, a little unique but i have definitely seen weirder.

and oh, the weirder definitely came my friends. it came in the form of this anon a few hours later:

people were losing their minds over the gosh darned telletubbie saga!! people started asking people they knew names owen if they had this elusive crumpled fanfic sitting in their backpacks, but alas owen was never found and after that night, anon was never heard from again. i fear tinkie winkie may have gotten to them first.

and thus, all went back to normal, or, as normal as normal can ever be on this unholy blog that is dear-ao3. until. dc.

people did not know that dc is not a state!! you might be thinking, saph!! how on earth is that possible? to which i say, i have no idea!! dc literally stands for district of columbia, and a district is not a state!!

so what started out as good natured memery eventually accumulated into me explaining to my thousands of followers that dc is 1. not a state and 2. that it should be. oh and sam wilson. he was in there too. i don't quite remember why.

but avast!! this sudden explanation of the fact that dc was not a state resulted in someone coining the term professor saph. which someone else pointed out was just me getting upset that people didnt know how to use google to learn basic geography. that may in fact be true.

seriously. please learn how to use google. its right there.

and no!! that was not the end either! then people started getting adventurous. coming into my askbox and asking me about birds and hats and cheesecake. trying to ruin the small semblance of order that this blog has!!

but i would like the record to show that the cheesecake anon was very polite about the misunderstanding and is welcome back at any time. we are actually engaged (after i turned down all of the people who proposed to me in my inbox). although no one knows when the wedding might be. but they have a blog, @cheesecakeanon

the same kindness, my dear tumblr users of the court, is not extended to the bee movie anon who decided to inbox me the entire gosh darn bee movie.

but then someone thought that it would be nice to create the states of ao3 (i don't know either okay, like i said at the top, i just work here. and im not even paid). the states, which would be led by none other than angstexas:

and people thought this was the funniest thing ever grace their dash boards. they began sending in other states like flufforida and no nut new jersey and many others that i haven't posted yet because they make my eyes bleed!!

it was at this point that i decided that i had had enough state discourse. i was going to solve it and i was going to solve it once and for all!! but which states would be the only ones that exist? who would get the honor?

well the answer was simple. it lay in the only people that this blog stans: shane madej, hailing from the corn state of illinois; sam wilson, representing the bayou state of louisiana, and b dylan hollis of the who-the-fuck-even-knows-whats-out-there state of wyoming. these would be the only three states to exist.

and so i made a map.

now certainly, certainly this must be where the lore ends! but no!! there was one more key piece!! and for that we needed to return to professor saph.

as the beginning of may rolled around along with it came the tears of high school students salty enough to be the sole supplier of the morton salt company. thats right, ap season. and i, a war torn ap test veteran myself, decided to give them my resources. and thus the state discourse went from memes to genuine knowledge once again as i handed out dbq pointers and study videos left and right.

and then i moved on from professor saph because chaos is my truest form. one fateful evening i received this ask:

and naturally, i had to try it. but i had no tictacs or orange juice. so i had to call in the big guns, @thewitcherbog discord server. and @geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde (with the help of their husband) was more than happy to offer their services. according to them, it did taste like worm orange juice. the more you know.

and then at some point i called ben barnes basic and forgettable. so forgettable that i even forgot that i made that post. but aparently i did.

it was just after the fourth of july and i was feeling chaotic. so i opened my chaos cookbook and consulted the things that i could cook up. state discourse? been there done that. telletubbie fanfiction? no thank you. oh! what about tomato soup cake?

thats right. i harnessed the power of b dylan hollis himself and made a tomato soup cake.

people were impressed. they were shocked. they wanted more. but alas. saph the chef has been retired ever since. legend has it that she may return one day.

oh and its probably worth stating that exactly on the 6 month anniversary of the delaware post it became a world heritage post. seriously its highly unfortunate that all this tumblr clout gets me nothing in life cause it would be fun to put on a resume.

all was quiet on the western front of my blog as i returned to college in person. well except for that one time when i was accused of being homophobic because im not gay. i was swamped once again with work and my triple major duties once again, barely paying this blog so much as a glance during my insufferable journalism class.

once arriving at school i had hinted several times about a designer axe story at the beginning of the school year. however, the statute of limitations for this story expires in may of 2023 so all you greedy buggers will have to wait.

but in lieu of me sharing that story you all started wanting other stories. and so i shared the great black wallpaper story from junior year of high school.

does it make sense? no. did it have a point? also no. did it need to be included in the lore? definitely not. but now i have made all of you think about it again, so youre welcome.

hey its my blog lore and i can do with it what i want

and then. on the morning of september 25th 2021 i was reminded of the utter fury and rage that i hold for the absolute monstrosity of a title that is high school musical the musical the series.

because honestly. the mouse has made some absolutely batshit stupid decisions in its genetically altered, entirely too long life, but the decision to title a show high school musical the musical the series definitely tops that list so much so that its on a whole different list. and thankfully you all agreed with me otherwise i would have been throwing more than hands.

despicable titles were not the only thing that i wanted to throw hands with at college. one fateful night during my history class i decided to eat a bag of jellybeans. and low and behold the bag had no less than NINE BLACK LICORICE JELLY BEANS. it was outrageous. true blasphemy. a heresy at its finest. half of tumblr was outraged on my behalf. half of tumblr was outraged that i hated black licorice jelly beans. i still have yet to forgive that half.

and then i told the wide world of tumblr that i have a boyfriend. a himbo if you will. named brad. my loyal followers acted like very concerned and protective parents at first, but soon the himbo passed the test and people quickly became very invested in him and his taylor swift listening journey. i think a few of them plotted to steal him from me, but alas he is my himbo. not theirs. he would give me his kidney, not them.

and yes, the tags are still here, but does anyone read them anymore? the world may never know. the state discourse is to dear-ao3 as the hot daga is to buzzfeed unsolved. one day, it will become too powerful for its own good.

until the next update, your tired mod,

saph