#in which both them have a fucking breakdown and also me. i have a breakdown too
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THIS WILL BE THE LAST TROLLS POST I EVER MAKE.
First off, thank you to those of you that continued to show all the work I make love. Thank you for caring for my work other than Trolls.
Now, onto this post and my final statements about this fandom.
I joined the fandom late, I’d always technically been a part of it but never interacted until about a year or so ago through this site. Immediately I got interaction and a good amount of followers, a lot of people enjoying my work and wanting more.
That “wanting more” slowly became harassment as I got messages every day from a select few people commanding me to continue writing or making fanart. This slowly started to seep into me but was NOT the nail in the coffin. Even as i got handfuls of asks commanding more.
The nail was how the fandom handles abuse and abusers. I am a punk person, to those of you that know my Tiktok i post a LOT of punk content and have gained so much interaction. I am well known in a lot of communities and am even trying to advocate for the people that cant. It is BASE LINE respect to “always believe the victim”. Base line. Yet as soon as a very POPULAR and HIGHLY FOLLOWED creator who is being accused of abuse posts content back showing very explicit conversations and mental breakdowns to embarrass you into silence everyone FLOCKS to them. I had so many friends in this fandom, and as soon as i was publicly HUMILIATED by him for speaking out, i was being blocked. Some of the people i used to make fanart for and support are now people i look at with fear and disgust. This includes my fans, people who BETRAYED me and did not stand with me. Didnt QUESTION why all of a sudden I deleted everything?
Let me lay things out for you all, FINALLY. Since im fucking PISSED. He BLACKMAILED ME INTO SILENCE. He got his boyfriend to THREATEN ME. And when all was said and done as i was choking on my sobs? He kept the post UP. His post with THOUSANDS of views and comments saying disgusting things about me. Because no one gave a FUCK about the fact that me and my friend both came out about horrors when it came to him and his new boyfriend.
I am so disgusted and disappointed as to how my fans reacted to this all, i had even gotten a dm PRAISING ME for going back into silence. That broke my fucking heart.
Why am i bringing this up now? Because a multitude of his art for Fliff had had messages for me. Which NO ONE but me and my fiance knew about. Dictator barb? Message. Floyd saying insults to riff? Message. Are you all that illiterate to context of someones character? Did the INCEST HE PUT ON HIS TWITTER NOT SAY ANYTHING??? JD and his BROTHER having a threesome, completely naked said NOTHING? And when someone pointed it out he said he didnt give a shit.
No one gave a FUCK. I have so much dirt on one of his friends i used to ADORE that i will never utter even though he also fucking abandoned me because he knew him longer and believed i was the wailing banshee.
So overall, trolls fandom, get your FUCKING ACT STRAIGHT. About victims. And about context.
I am a HUMAN BEING. My callout was not something to laugh at and silence just because you like the PORN he draws.
He’s once again posting after i was able to get him to fuck off from this fandom for almost a year. The relief i felt for that year was bliss. And now? I can barely fucking breathe. Once again i feel trapped.
So FUCK YOU ALL.
Have a fucking ANGRY and HURT tw of self harm under this sentence.
Good riddance, Trolls fandom. This is the last i will utter a word about the fandom or my experience. I am so disappointed.
#trolls band together#trolls world tour#trolls movie#dreamworks trolls#trolls#dw trolls#trolls 3#fliff trolls#riff trolls#barb and floyd being best buds#trolls with paws#trolls drawing#trolls with tails#trolls art#SoundCloud
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可待的意思是 请你 等等我。 (please wait for me.)
#posts made by me for me myself and i only#keep scrolling! just me having a mental breakdown! nothing to see here!#me hearing lwx say 可待的意思是请你等等我 for the 7378414828th time: *bursts into fucking tears*#my posts#hlht#lhl#ok. serious thoughts time. it's always lowkey funny to me that it's genuinely believed#(like in xcp's eulogy for him)#that xdq cares more about his people than anything#it's not that i think he doesn't care? he's actually kind and good and feels for his people but?#he cares in a detached and distant way exactly in the manner he can from within the palace walls#...which is reminiscent of huahua in the last episode going yeah he's a good emperor (really?)#and i'll give up my only chance to survive in exchange for the peace of the world#(he says. but it's also for xiaobao - like. every political move xdq makes it's mixed with personal stake)#he does things *for* the good ever since he has been the lxy who built sigumen#but is it really *out of* goodness or he's just trying to live up to the ideal xia#his self-imposed isolation as the top of wulin is as iron-clad as the palace walls of confucian social roles that hold xdq in#the way that hlht is all about the social world and lhl is all about the world outside of that which xdq dreamt about#then at the end of the day they both go back to the water bodies where they wish to be released into... bye#and they leave behind loved ones who will go see the world for them#xdq is so much less cruel to them than huahua is tbh#at least xdq had aggressively fought for them and to be with them#both stories are like. what happens to someone AFTER they're at the top and was born into/for that role?#do you know what fucked up things that does to someone?#ok bye FOR LEGAL PURPOSES THIS POST IS FOR MYSELF and whoever wants to read ONLY
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oh btw i get even more why brennan (like me) clocked sophomore year fabian as fucked up and sad even if some of the other pcs were like "what are you talking about dude" . it's because the basic core theses of fabian and leiland eftbk as characters are actually pretty similar
#AND matt mercer was like 'yes absolutely. my character has so many issues' meanwhile b4 lou could even say anything siobhan/adaine#went 'fabian isnt depressed his life rules.'#which like. 1) deeply incorrect statement. 2) fairly in character for adaine to say. 3) unfortunately this caused#a pretty big shift in tone w regards to how seriously fabian's arc ended up being executed#2.5) i could write a whole other post on how point 2 could be a super interesting thing to explore w adaine#she starts off so aware of there being no love from her parents towards her. so she sees love between a parent and a child#and cant conceptualize their relationship being ultimately harmful. like she learned long ago that there was no point seeking approval from#her parents meanwhile fabian made it his whole entire life's goal to do just that thing. both of them are fucked up in opposite directions.#crunchy concept yet very unexplored. and i'm not expecting this to happen in a potential s3 im just throwing ideas around like basebal#d20#eftbk#fantasy high#sorry wrote all those tags then forgot to elaborate on how fabian and leiland are similar anyway it's this whole idea of#having this unhealthy dependency on the approval of someone you admire to the ends of the earth despite them being#fully and clearly a toxic influence on you. The whole illusion of inflated self worth howthat all crumbles when you Realize how fragile you#whole entire worldview was. and THEN you have an embarrassing breakdown in front of ur friends#and this is SO terrifying because you have really tried your best to look really cool and put-together in front of them#it's the 'getting knocked down SO hard and having to build yourself up by recognizing the love from your friends#+finding something completely different from the person you hinged your entire being on in order to find your way to the surface' of it all#also galfast/whitclaw are surprisingly similar narrative wise it's so funny to me. th storytelling series of nat 1s against an op enemy </3#i think it WAS easier to execute leiland's character arc in the way it was bc a) he was played to be so CLEARLY insecure from minute 1#and b) it is very easy to condemn ripoff sauron and say 'yeah this guy sucked and we're glad that leiland and maggie are free from him'#meanwhile for fabian. a) he has convinced himself that nothing is wrong with him even though there so clearly is#and b) you have to acknowledge that bill loved his son so deeply yet was such a bad influence on him#it's such a bittersweet-bitter complexity and i imagine it would be super hard to pull off esp when bill and fabian's dynamic is#played as fairly comedic most of the time. in this vein of 'this evil guy is so evil but he cares about his son this hard and it's funny'#and also just the fact this kind of bitter complicated parent-child dynamic is very rarely portrayed and pulled off well.#WHY the fuck are these tags so long if you read all this i'm so sorry
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going fucking insane over one of my wips because it's for a really small subgroup of a really small fandom of a really small fandom of a really big fandom that everyone fucking hates because people are cancelled like every other week and basically i cant talk about it with anyone without needing to explain like 60 pages worth of story that I wrote PLUS no one wants to talk about me because it's one of the cringiest ships in existence that sounds HORRENDOUSLY heteronormative on paper and like half the fandom calls them siblings even though they have been confirmed multiple times not to be and the other half is like oh the girl would never be in love with the guy because she's in love with the player!! as if being in love with her ideal of the player is healthy for her all and can't change or she can't fall out of love with someone whose interactions were limited to basically just looking at her, clicking through her text and DELETING HER
yeah so is about monipai as in monika from ddlc and senpai from friday fucking night funkin (i know. im sorry) im so down horrendous im on like seventeen doses of copium and counting and there's 11 total monipai works on ao3
one of them is mine and the other ones are either written by a 10 year old (because it's fucking fnf, what sane adult would write unironic fnf fanfiction) or unfinished (because fnf fics get no traction and unless you're fucking insane like me and have 60 pages of pure brainrot there is NOTHING keeping you going for such a nonexistent audience) and oh my god why am i here
the other fandoms ive been in recently are vashwood and shizaya and those are great!! those are normal!! vashwood has been getting boatloads of content that i cant stop looking at/reading and im getting fun ideas for aus and there's so many people in the community rn to interact with
and shizaya is a bit of struggle because the fandom is smaller but there's so much older content to go through/reread that it's fine and my posts about them get some traction and in some places you can actually talk to people who have been in the fandom from the beginning of time and overall it's a good fun time
AND THEN THERE'S MONIPAI. the ONE straight (bi4bi according to me and im always right) ship in fnf that no one likes because they're "sibling coded" for some god forsaken reason (and im usually all for sibling headcanons/prefer them over romantic ones but NOT THIS ONE SENPAI LITERALLY CONFESSED HIS LOVE FOR HER IN THE MOD) and it'll only make sense to people who like DDTO enough to not forget about it after playing like 19832529 other mods and even THEN like half of them ship it in the really cringe heteronormative way that dudebros ship them like GOD FUCKING HELL GET ME OUT OF HERE
ive never been madder about anything ive shipped ever. i LOVE getting comments on my fic and im surprised ive gotten any at all but holy shit
you know that one person who made like 3000 fics for their honeyworks throuple. honey i feel you cuz what the fuck is this
and with my usual ships i can send them to my friends who know what to expect and be like ok so these are the gayasses you're obsessed with this week but with this one. like the very premise is so ridiculous id be laughed out of their dms but this is literally like the most in-depth and serious ive gotten about any of my fanfiction plots ever (there's like themes and callbacks and motifs and everything, thats how you know it's bad). this is probably better written than my book drafts and it makes me SO MAD
ive even considered like. what if i just made them my ocs, since i've developed them so much and the plot is entirely my own creation. that might even be easier but the fic is so heavily based off of canon content that it just wouldntd make SENSE how am i supposed to rewrite all that canon lore when i take them out of it. i cant. im stuck tying them to ddtoverse
back to what i was originally talking about: basically i got this really nice comment on ao3 on my monipai fic and i was smiling really hard and spinning in my chair and i was inspired to try and write again so i update my. oh it's 71 pages. 71 page document to try and update chapter 3 and i end up going to my other ideas and workshopping them and suddenly ive penned down ideas for 4 DIFFERENT CLIMAXES?????????? AND THEY ALL HAVE THEIR PROS AND CONS AND THEY ALL BASICALLY LEAD TO THE SAME ENDNIG AND I DONT KNOW WHICH ONE TO CHOOSE AND I CANT ASK ANYONE BECAUSE IF THEY'RE INTERESTED ENOUGH TO READ IT I WANT THEM TO READ THE FIC AS IT'S BEING UPDATED BUT NO ONE'S INTERESTED ANYWAY
and trying to ask about which one i should choose while removing all incriminating details (read: monika and senpai's names) is so hard because there's SO much i have to explain as backstory and no one even responds to it anyway so there's no point :sob:
anyway i love monipai and specifically my version of monipai and it's legitmately ruining my life how's your day going
#soro rants#soro rambles#long post#cannot emphasize how much you probably dont want to read this post LMFAO this is literally a mental breakdown#i dont even fucking know dude i CANT TALK ABOUT THEM WITH ANYONE#the only other ship i have that comes close to this level of obscurity is n and colress from pokemon#which might be worse tbf because of the age gap that 10 year old me did not comprehend (i thought they were both 20-ish)#(they are not both ~20ish.) so there's like an actual moral reason to not ship them.#but like. there's only so much i can write about that and ive already published most of it. my brainrot isn't this bad for them#tachigin is also obscure but like. there's a discord server for it with like 7 people and a decently sized ao3 collection#why am i only into straight ships that no one ships wtf#why couldnt i have fixated on like. bf x gf thatd be so much fucking easier cuz literally every mod has them#but noOOO it has to be the fucking obscure ones that even the most heteronormative of dudebros are like 'why would you even consider that'#hell even tabi/agoti has more of a following than this like dawg#ddlc#fnf#monipai#ddlc monika#fnf senpai#btw if that person who commented today reads this: hi i love you#god i try to never rant like this because it's unprofessional and i never read anyone else's rants but like im LOSING IT#i usually keep it in the tags which is really easy to skip over or just dont say it at all guhhh#people who write nothing but rarepairs/oc stuff i have NOTHING but respect for you i snap like a twig at the lack of an audience#please teach me your ways how do you cope. maybe ill start brainstorming with chatgpt#not feeding it prompts to write fanfiction with of course because only whores do that
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forgive me my ignorance (<-not sarcastic, this really is an area i know very little about), but my perspective as a consumer (for car insurance specifically), is this: my big issue is that insurance is REQUIRED to register and drive a car (at least in all the states I've lived in) and driving a car is basically required to have and hold a job.
to be fair, the second thing is more of the problem, but notwithstanding major legislation to expand public transportation which has yet to materialize, the situation is that i have to be able to drive to make enough money to live in a home, and the car insurance company can basically name their price (notably this issue is part of what is so heinous about medical insurance also)
and to be fair to insurance companies, even if they were trying to be good and give the best possible prices to their customers, they are at the whims of the larger markets -- the prices on medical bills (ballooned by medical supply companies and pharma companies basically extorting them), the prices of car parts, the price of gasoline to transport those car parts, probably lots of other market stuff I don't know because like I said i do not know much about this. so there is a bunch of risk the insurance company has to take as well. it is in their interest to act like a company, a money-making entity.
notably, as a profit-seeking entity, they then also find themselves relying on statistics as per @cobrilee's tags, and relying on those kinds of statistics ends up reinforcing institutionalized prejudice. you want redlining? this is how you get redlining.
in the process of writing this post, i looked up the official reason why car insurance is mandatory in 48 out of 50 states. the given reason? public safety.
specifically the idea that if you are hit by a car at no fault of your own, that you should not be expected to pay your medical bills. and i basically agree! that is an assumption that seems fair to buy into as part of living together in a cooperative society. (i will note that who "you" is can really determine who gets to be "at fault" buuuuut we cannot disentangle all of society's prejudices in one go so moving on)
but you know what? if it's for public safety, why is it being handled by entities that are necessarily driven by profit?
the fact is that having and driving a car is basically a requirement to be a working (usamerican) adult, but that it is regulated like it is a luxury item and it is really frustrating. if insurance is mandatory for public safety, it should be a matter of public safety handled by the government. it should be unconcerned with profit!
and if the government had to start really shouldering those costs, i think they might just see that public transportation is much cheaper, more efficient, and all around better than the 1 Car Per USAmerican (Mandatory) system we currently have. and we could have a competent public transportation system. and i would cry tears of joy.
The most frustrating part of working in insurance is knowing why people's insurance premiums are increasing so dramatically but not being able to explain it without sounding like you're defending a bunch of giant megacorporations
#but then again the car corporations (+ associated) have had a full century to build up lobbying money so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i wouldn't hold my breath#k.txt#also i am VERY aware than there are people in poverty who are working adults without cars--#they suffer greatly for it!! to the point of it being on par with homelessness!!#in fact ppl will have to choose between housing costs vs car costs & become homeless while living in the car bc it's THAT MUCH OF A BARRIER#anyway i have NO idea how any of this goes for homeowners insurance (insert *housing crisis* gif here) & only minimal knowledge for medical#so this may be very insular to car insurance specifically#but i expect that the conflict between ''public necessity'' and ''provided by profit-seeking entity ONLY'' is seen in both those areas too#this kind of reminds of the whole fight to make wifi a utility (which is should be treated as!!! esp for rural areas!!)#also i focused on the bigger picture here but in a smaller picture way as well#i drive a shitbox car that is not worth the insurance i am forced to pay on it and it drives me CRAZY#and i don't blame the insurance company for not wanting to insure me for cheap-- my shitbox car is liable to breakdown anytime!#that makes me statistically prone to crashes! i get it!#but if they don't want to insure me. and i don't want them to insure me. why the fuck do i need insurance?#public safety? okay. make a public institution & take the costs out of my taxes! (take it out of the wealthy's taxes actually)#anyway sorry for writing so damn much it's a disease#OH YEAH also obligatory ''it's all capitalism''/''fuck capitalism'' but like. i wanted to break it down more#esp since ''fuck capitalism'' like ''it's reagan's fault'' have become memes/catchphrases instead of meaningful accusatory statements#AND. note that i said ''it should be nationalized'' AND ''it should be unconcerned with profit''.#both parts are important and w/o the latter it doesn't really matter if car insurance were to be nationalized#like. wow yay i can be fucked over by the us gov't instead of private corporations. my favorite.
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#delete later#every week is the same as the last. i need it to change. please#and not in a worse way again. i need it to change for the positive. please.#im going to be in my hometown in a week. i dont want to. but i need to. i dont wantttt to. i wont have a living situation sorted and#they're going to be weird about it and i don't have the ability to field that stuff positively bc all my positive thinking is going into#not having a breakdown so its gonna fucking suck. and im sngry and feel guilty im not moving closer but i caaaaaant without#things getting way worse mentally but i feel terrible about it bc i feel like i dont have an excuse for living so far away now#even though i dont NEED an excuse but i wish i had one. and im not allowed to die which is fucking annoying but its still working#as a coping mechanism so thats fine. im also. really upset that the insect thing ive been looking forward to for months i cant do.#it feels like a real kick in the face for wanting something. it was like my one thing to be excited for when everything felt#like it was falling apart abd then things fell nore apart and instead of insect joy im going to visit family and bask in that pool of grief#so. that's great. its just shit. and the only emotion i currently have access to is frustration and a bit of grief so thats also#not ideal. and im both dissociating so much and am painfully present which is a fun combo. shit just sucks abd theres no way out#currently. so i gotta go through it but im bad at that so im just miserable. might try to figure out a way to get the weoghted blanket#to hometown bc going without it is going to fuckinh suvk big time#i also need to have a hard conversation with someone who is way more into me than im into them rn. idk whether its bc i cant#access emotions rn or a genuine thing so im gonna have to communicate this bc otherwise it feels like im leading her on abd thats#shit. see thats one thing that is solidly in my court. like thats a my fault thing. everything else is just a shit situation#god life sucks sometimes. my mum always said things come in threes. i think im up to like thing five at this point
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toddler - Matt Sturniolo
summary: having 2 toddlers isn't the easiest, espically when you're currently pissed at your husband matt after an argument. one night you get pushed to the point of a breakdown when the kids won't behave and matt's there to help you.
contains: dad!matt, fluff, slightly suggestive , crying, slight mental breakdown, comforting, angst?
a/n: this was loosely based off of how daddy matt was in today's vid.
----———--------------..••°°°°••..------------————
7:38pm
matt and i had an argument last night leaving me in tears, he’s been in his bedroom this whole day leaving me to deal with our two twins which are both 3 and a half.
i attempt to cook up something that somewhat resembles a dinner for our girls but the only thing occupying my mind is the events of what happened last night.
yesterday
“why is this house always so fucking messy!” matt’s voice booms throughout the living room as he abruptly stands up
“shit, i don’t know maybe because you got me pregnant at 18 and i’m the only one who does anything for the kids our this house!” i raise my voice back at him
matt lets out a shocked laugh “sorry that some people have fucking jobs and don’t lay on their ass with the kids all day and call it tiring?”
“lay on my ass? i clean, i cook, i take the girls to daycare and i bring them home, i do everything”
“if everything includes not having a fucking job and using up my money that i earn then sure, you do a whole lot” matt says with a slight attitude.
“all you fucking do is act like you have it hard when you don’t! get a fucking grip” he yells
the whole room goes silent, i erupt into tears and walk out of the room to our spare bedroom
“and always fucking crying.” i hear him scoff, only making my state worse.
—
my thoughts are cut off by a wail coming from behind me, my head spins back to see millie with a fistful of claire’s hair, yanking.
i instantly drop the wooden spoon into the pot before speed walking towards the twins
“stop it!” i yell, grabbing millie from under her arms and staring into her eyes angrily “go find daddy, not acceptable millie.” i raise my voice, placing her down.
she folds her arms with a huff, stomping her little legs down the corridor to matt and i’s shared room.
“you’re okay claire” i coo, fixing her pigtail which sits on the very top of her head
i pick her up and place her down on the couch with one of her stuffed animals before making my way back towards the kitchen.
i turn down the heat on the stovetop slightly with an exhausted sigh
suddenly i hear small giggles coming from behind me followed by the backs of my knees being pushed
“fuck!” i yell, stumbling over and grabbing the handle to the pot, spilling boiling spaghetti onto the floor, also splashing up onto my sweater.
millie goes silent before sprinting in the other direction with claire
as of things couldn’t get any worse right now i hear matt’s voice start something
“what are you actually fucking doin-“ he cuts himself off when he sees the state i’m in
i burst into sobs, matt looks down at me with concern painted across his face
“hey- shh sh you’re okay, you’re okay.” he says frantically, walking over to me and kneeling on the floor
“matt i can’t do this the kids aren’t behaving and i can’t fucking make them something they’ll like-“ i start, saying in between shaking breaths
he carefully picks me up from under my arms before switching his grip to the back of my thighs, i bury my face into his shoulders and feel matt take in panicked breaths
he speed walks us down into our bedroom at the end of the corridor, “are you hurt sweetheart?” he says, placing me down on the bed and peeling my sweatshirt off of me
“did the hot water soak through? shit.” matt says trying to stay calm.
“no-“ i sniff, rubbing my eyes. matt yanks his sweatshirt off his body and lays it across me like a blanket.
“stay right here okay? i’m gonna sort the kids out then put them to bed, then i’ll come back to talk, try get some sleep for me gorgeous.”
matt presses a kiss to my nose before rushing out of the room, leaving the door open behind him.
i have a clear view of kitchen from where i’m laying so i see matt walk into the kitchen before kneeling down
“c’mere.” he demands, sticking out his arms. millie and claire toddle over to him with a guilty expression across their face.
“tell me what’s happened.” matt says sternly, maintaining eye contact with both of them.
millie bursts into tears almost immediately as she looks at matt
matt runs his hand up and down her arm as he waits for a response
“we- we pushed mommy and she fell and spilt hot water on her and hurt her” she sniffs
“a-and.. and you’re mad at me” she continues.
“do i look mad sweetheart?” matt says softly, claire shrugs along with millie
“i’m really really sad that you weren’t behaving for mommy, and i know you know better than that right?” matt speaks
millie nods, wiping her nose with the backs of her hand
“and now i’m gonna ask you to go clean up the spill with claire and then we’re gonna go say sorry to mom okay?” he says gently, pressing two kisses to the girls forehead
they nod in unison before going into the kitchen, matt hands them the paper towels and they instantly drop down to there knees and attempt to clean the mess.
matt watches while biting his nails “why do you think you made mommy cry though?” he says, claire looks up at him with a heaped pile of paper towels in her hands
“because we were naughty.” claire sighs, matt nods while gathering the piles of drenched paper towels and throwing them away.
“what i’m ‘gonna ask you to do is sit down at the kitchen table and think about how you will say sorry to mommy tomorrow while i make you dinner okay girls?”
claire and millie run over to the dining table, more than hungry and tired now.
matt sorts through the pantry before settling on mac and cheese which i wasn’t even sure we had.
after a good 10 minutes matt brings over the two small bowls to the twins, who have been silent ever since they sat down.
“you have to eat all of this okay?” matt says while placing the bowls down. claire and millie nod
—-
8:56pm
matt finishes up the last dishes in the sink before walking over to the girls “you alright?” he asks softy before picking both of them up, one in each arm.
matt walks down the corridor, flashing me a quick smile as both the girls bury their head in his shoulders.
“they’re very tired” he mouths to me with a small laugh while walking into their shared bedroom.
i hear the door shut followed by matt walking into our bedroom. “you feeing better gorgeous?” he asks calmly as he flops down in bed beside me.
“thank you for doing that.” i sigh, rubbing my eyes with my palms.
“don’t thank me? i’m their dad and i realise that after yesterday’s.. argument that you’re right and i do need to start caring more.” matt looks over at me.
“you don’t have to just say that” i whisper
“i’m not just saying that, i actually mean it.” matt responds with an unreadable expression
“the shit you said last night..” i start, my voice wobbling “i’m gonna find it hard to forget, because i know that in that moment you meant it.”
matt goes silent,
“and i know that you’re busy but i try, so hard to make you and the girls happy, meaning that i don’t have free time to work because everything i do is for you?” i keep going, several tears now rolling down my cheeks
“so you saying that you should help our more around the house and pretending like everything’s perfect between us isn’t gonna fix shit.”
i physically can’t keep speaking unless i want to start sobbing so i stop, taking in a shaky breath.
matt doesn’t say anything back, instead sitting up and grabbing me and pulling me into a deathly tight hug.
the few tears that fell dampen the shoulder of his shirt as he rubs my back.
“i don’t even know how to apologise.” matt says, his voice trembling.
“please- don’t cry.” he whispers, “i’m just really tired” i squeeze out
“i know i’ve been a shit.. person for the past year or so and trust me, you and the girls are on my mind every single minute of every day and- and there’s no excuse for what i said yesterday except for the fact i wasn’t thinking straight.”
matt rambles
“i shouldn’t have yelled, or said anything. i know, i know you have it way harder than me, and i’m not just saying that it’s true.”
“you don’t have to forgive me at all today, tomorrow or in general for this but i love you and i’m so sorry.”
matt finishes by pulling away to look at my face, which he cups in both his hands.
“thank you.” is the only thing i reply with, somewhat shocked by that 2 minute long tangent.
matt lays back down on the matress, pulling me towards him. i lay my head down on his chest with a deep breath in, instantly falling asleep
————
9:56am the next day
the morning sun burns into the side of my face as i roll over in bed,
my eyebrows knit together when i realise matt’s not next to me like normal.
i sit up in bed, wiping my eyes as i attempt to run my fingers through my tangled hair.
i stumble out of bed towards the door of our bedroom, gripping the handle lazily and swinging it open.
the whole house is perfectly clean “what the fuck..” i mumble to myself as i walk into the living room where my eyes lay on my favourite sight
my 3 favourite people, matt claire and millie are sat on the sofa, matt’s in the middle and the girls are cuddled up to his side while matt holds open a picture book which he stops reading when i walk in.
“good morning pretty” matt smiles stupidly, i grow a small smile on my face.
“i think that someone has something to say to mom?” matt says, looking down at each of the girls.
they run up to me and wrap their arms around each of my legs “were really sorry” claire says, i bend down to their height and give them a smile
millie follows up with a “and i’m sorry for hurting you a- and i love you a lot!” she says with a cute smile.
“it’s okay sweetheart, i love you.” i grin, wrapping my arms around them before standing back up.
“and i’m gonna make it up to you tonight” matt says quietly while walking over to me
“matthew bernard! you horny mother fucker” i whisper.
————
@luanetaluenta @sturnsssbow @mattfangirl @luvr4miya @luvtay111 @lolasturniolo @freshloveforthefit @ruedowney @lovingchrissposts @333michelle @h3arts4harry @sonicmacks @jamiesturniolo @chrisstopherfilmed @itzdarling @sturniolo-simp4life @daddyslilchickenfingers2 @recklessmatt @ev3rgreenxtrees @lovergirl4387 @certifiednatelover @solarsturniolo @mattsenthusiast @yomamaslays4lyfe @peachmels @alinaa131 @pepsiluvr0209
#sturniolo#matt sturniolo#chris sturniolo#nick sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo x reader#sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x reader#sturniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo angst#matt sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo fluff#matt sturniolo imagine#matt sturniolo smut
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Astrology observations - Part 3 (use whole signs)
🎀 For a lot of people with moon in 7th house, their mother had a huge impact on their personality (in a good or bad way). They'll either admire her a lot and try to be more like her or, do their best to not be like her. Their mother usually has a lot of say in who they marry. If the ascendant lord is not strong, then these people completely change after marriage and start to behave in a way in which their spouse would like them to.
🐈⬛Saturn in 9th house people can be really good when it comes to their career, they end up getting promoted earlier than others, but I've noticed that they prefer to work alone. It's like, they create something, but they would like someone else to market and sell it since communication is not their strong suit. Can be very introverted, not the best at taking initiatives, are very prone to undermining themselves.
🎀 moon in 11th house people have a really good relationship with their kids (unless it's debilitated). It doesn't matter if you're a guy or a girl, it's the same for both. They're the parents who have a very "chill" relationship with their kids, their kids trust them a lot, treat them as a friend. All my friends who have a great and healthy relationship with their parents, 85% of those parents had moon in 11th.
🐈⬛ Mars in 5th house people have such an "interesting" dating life; love triangles, friends with benefits, they've (or will) experienced it all. The people to say "it's complicated" when you ask them about their love life. But I've also seen that these people are very accepting of other people's dating preferences, this is one of the things that I really admire about them, this can result in them having a very diverse group of friends.
🎀 Jupiter aspecting ascendant/midheaven is one of the best placements that you could possibly have. I was going through celebrities' charts and I noticed that the ones who were exceptionally popular or rich had this like 90% of the time. With opposition and square it can indicate that people hate you at first, but then some info comes out and suddenly everyone loves you, but you gotta go through the hate first. Conjunction can go either way depending on the sign.
🐈⬛ Saturn in 4th house women have my full respect, like, these people go through so much shit in their life and yet they're so hardworking and never give up. Their mother was probably their worst enemy growing up. If you know someone who has this, give them a hug, they're carrying so much burden, and yet they never show it. You'll never hear these people complaining about life, have a very, "it's okay, problems come and go, you can't be sad all the time" mentality.
🎀 Sun in 1st house people make me so angry, I don't get along with them. They have such a shitty personality, and always wanna fight for absolutely no reason. Start a beef out of nowhere, but they are so fucking good at their job, that's actually what makes me hate them more. My class representative has this, and she's such a bitch, but she's so responsible, it breaks my fucking heart, can't even complain 😔
🐈⬛ Mercury in 11th house people have unmatched Rizz, will charm the pants off you (unless it's debilitated). I'm so jealous of people who have this. I know people with this, who are not conventionally attractive but their charm is what makes people like them. I never knew what it meant to be attracted to someone's personality until I met someone who had this. (I know this sounds like a backhanded compliment, but it's really not)
🎀 I have never in my life met a moon in 8th house person who was like....okay. these people will have a mental breakdown almost every week. Can't take criticism AT ALL. I have seen that people with this have a tendency to date whoever they see once they break up, just to show their ex how "wanted" they are, and it's not healthy because a lot of their hook ups have bad intentions. Have a habit of playing the victim "everyone bullies me 🥺" "I have the hardest life" and blah blah. On a positive note, they can handle fame really well because of their ability to manipulate people, once you get in their trap and start liking them, you'll never be able to hate them.
🐈⬛ I never see people talking about how smart Venus in 3rd house people are. I'm always so amazed by the way they carry conversations. A lot of women who have won beauty paegents have this because of how nice their answers were. A lot of young politicians have this as well. Their juniors often look up to them.
© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024
#moon in 7th house#saturn in 9th house#moon in 11th house#mars in 5th house#saturn in 4th house#sun in 1st house#Mercury in 11th house#moon in 8th house#Venus in 3rd house#astrology observations#astrology#astroblr#astrology community#astrology content#astro notes
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So far no new updates for the friend drama except he tweeted something about being a bad person (it was right after I tweeted something mundane so I assume it was about being mad at me still) and his bf replied that he wasn’t a bad person which is hilarious to me ngl
#I’m most likely not gonna message first like he’s gonna have to ask for an apology by saying what I did that hurt him#but also it just doesn’t seem like he even wants to fix it anyway and last time I messaged first when he was in that mood he just kept#responding really angrily which we both know just makes me go more into my shell so I couldn’t even talk about why I was hurt and it became#me just continuously saying sorry and hoping he’d forgive me and that absolutely sucked#that time I was hurt because I was explaining why even though a person is a pos you shouldn’t bully them like a regular non influential#person who just happened to be kind of a dick to his bf the two of them kept priv qrting the person and people who defended the person to#the point where the whole fandom they were a part of blocked both of them and when I happened to log on I was like ‘idk what just happened#I’m just sticking with my friends’ so someone on the other side told me what was going on and I denounced that behavior because just it rubs#me the wrong way I don’t like any type of bullying because I was bullied until I got out of school lol so I explain to my friends Why it’s#kinda fucked up and I thought they were listening and understanding or at least trying to and then my friend immediately does it again so I#just tweeted how I didn’t wanna be friends with someone like that because I was frustrated and hurt and uncomfortable and then had a#breakdown because I had Deja vu and so it all felt unavoidable and I deactivated for a little bit which also pissed him off lol#but yeah so I apologized first that time because he started tweeting again how I never apologize first I must not want this friendship etc#at least that time I knew what I did wrong like I should’ve been more considerate with how I went about saying that made me uncomfortable#although my therapist says I was in the right there but idk maybe if it was someone else I would’ve been#oh also they both still do it lmao but I haven’t dared say anything about it#it just idk like the most that person had done was like not quite ghosting but something similar#and the other people just were friends with them and all they knew was their friend was being bullied until their acc was priv#it was fucked up and I don’t blame the fandom for taking the other person’s side#don’t just harass people because they weren’t a good friend to you#and I don’t mean toxic even I mean they just became really distant and uninterested almost like they were trying to end the friendship in a#more organic way I guess idk I’m not them but from everything I saw and heard that’s what it looked like
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She favorites recipes on Instagram.
It’s a little embarrassing how Carmen knows- that when she’s at his place watching him sketch dishes she can’t taste, he’s also paying attention to what’s on her phone. And it’s usually kistchy things- dresses and outfits with legwarmers, pop-culture breakdowns he doesn’t have time to understand, and yes, occassionally, recipes.
Carmen adores her company. It’s a private truth, one that they boht know and yet he can’t admit under her gaze. She’s a friend of Richie’s which is endlessly fucking confusing. Both because of how incredible she is, and because it is truly insane to imagine Richie with friends.
Carmen supposes they’re friends too, now. It doesn’t feel quite right, the way she scribbles notes for him in the mornings and has slept over quite often. She’s busy, has her own life and her own career and he’s lucky for the time he spends with her. He doesn’t really have time to date her the way he’d like to, with dinner dates and late night drives down Lake Shore, watching the sunrise over the lake on mornings where time feels like no object.
He’s clearly given this some thought.
Anyhow, it doesn’t matter now. Now, she’s slept over. He’s got a full-size, which felt like a good enough excuse to share the bed, even though every time they do he still ends wrapped around her like a vice, like roots of a tree, raveled in a way that seems inpenetrable.
She’s sipping on an energy drink- he’s offered her the coffee that he’s imported, and prepared with care, but she’d obviously thought it was too bitter. And now he keeps energy drinks in the house when she stays over. She’s popped in one of her wired earbuds, and the light washes over her like a halo. She’s got a bonafide glow while she sits on his counter, scrolling through recipes.
“That looks good,” he hears himself say, a little outside of himself, as she stops scrolling. It’s a pasta dish, and she’s favorited it. It looks more complex than it is, really, but he’s not sure he’s a good source.
“Hmm? Oh yeah, I had it once when I was in Paris. It was fucking insane, Carmen, it’s so good. I’m always looking for a place to get it. I don’t really think there’s a place in Chicago where you can get it, actually.”
“It was seasonal actually,” he says back, her eyes fixed to his now, “Ever used to make it every fall. Easier to source the pine nuts.”
She looks so, so fond of him that Carmen could entertain the idea of leaning over the counter and kissing her. It’s incredibly tempting, the hint of a smile playing at the corners of her mouth, endeared by his knowledge. He feels guilty, how he plays with the pencil, knowing she’s stared appreciatively at his hands. He enjoys being pretty to her, leaning into the fantasy that he could be more than her weird fuck-up friend of a friend that’s too chicken-shit to ask her out. How odd is it, that he knows what it’s like to wake up to the smell of her shampoo, but has no idea how she likes to be kissed?
He’s so bad at this he’s failed before he’s even started.
He can cook, though.
Cooking is methodical, and so he does it. it’s an easy love language, for him. he dices the parsely and the other fresh herbs, sautes them wirh precision, uses some of the nice butter from work- it’s a marvel, at the end of it, fragrant and warm, waiting for her arrival.
When she does make her arrival, just on time for him, he plates the dish before she comes in.
“Oooh,” she preens, raking her eyes up and down him. He feels perciebed, but in a way that he’d like to be. Look at me, he thinks. What a pleasure to be seen by her. “Is this all for me?”
“Yeah, yeah,” he stammers out, “Thought I’d thank you for all your help. Late nights you’ve been staying up with me, talking through the menu and all- thought I could make you something.”
When she tastes it, it’s careful and adoring, and he’s good at this.
“Yes chef,” she says teasingly, “Oh my god, Carmen, this is so sweet. You didn’t have to do that. I like being here.”
He wants to kiss her again, doesn’t know why he’s not letting himself. She meets him halfway, though, kissing the corner of his mouth that only a fool would imply has plausible platonic deniability.
“Thanks, Carm.”
“Anytime.”
He’ll kiss her properly next time.
#carmen berzatto#carmy berzatto#carmen berzatto fluff#carmy berzatto fluff#carmen berzatto fic#carmen berzatto x reader#carmy berzatto x reader#carmy x reader#carmen berzatto x You#carmy berzatto imagine#carmen berzatto imagine#the bear#the bear x reader
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I want to beat Jean Vicquemare with a baseball bat.
#the way i feel about this character. you wouldnt get it#i genuinely dislike him I hate how he treats harry he has so much less depth than the fandom insists he does#hes a clinically depressed cishet male.#and yet. and YET#harryjean.#tbh I think if not for the dynamic i wouldnt care at all which makes sense really#atlas shrugged#‘oughh jean is justified in being verbally abusive to harry because harry is a horrible person oughh’#just say you hate addicts and go#‘they’re mutually toxic’ yes but not in the way you mean it. one of them is hurtful the others bc he is sick. the other is an asshole.#i have SO many thoughts abt the precinct keeping harry a cop when they know full well he’s sick#and then they all have the gall to blame him for his breakdown#when everything about harry fits the medical description of severe addiction. you know. THE NEUROLOGICAL ILLNESS#fucing. throws phone at wall#addiction is not a MORAL FAILURE you fucking idiot Jean I fucking hate you.#ofc Jean’s feelings of angers are understandable + depression is also an Illness that has an obvious impact on how one acts#like yeah theyre both mentally ill#but harry. oh harry.#‘you told me to FUCK OFF and I got so sick of you!!! i was cramping your STULE—‘ you petty idiot. you are talking to an addict.#an addict who you all except to do cop things.#i just.#=_=
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List of random dialogue prompts (pt. 2)
“If you felt want and longing the way I did — the way I still do — I promise you’d be driven fucking mad.”
“I wanted the thrill of the chase more than I wanted you.”
“You really couldn’t have been any more obvious.” “That’s because I didn’t have anything to hide. I was being obvious, because I needed you to know, without a doubt, that I love you.”
“This is literally the worst moment for me to be saying this but considering how we could die at any second, I need to get this off my chest before I become buried six feet under, without a chance to say any of this to you: I love you. I’ve loved you since we were kids. I’ve loved you every second of my life; from the moment when I knew what loving someone really meant.”
“I kinda knew I lost all feelings for you when I realised I didn’t want to communicate with you about the problems that were happening between us. I became complaisant.”
“Loving you is as easy as overthinking everything.”
“It’s… easy with you. Nice. I don’t have to be someone else to impress you, because I know you love me for me.”
“There are parts of me I’d never thought I’d show to anyone else, but then… You came along, and for some reason, you made me want to be honest with you; bare my soul to you.”
“So what in the hell are we? I’m not doing this unless we’re on the same page.”
“Please don’t tell me we’re nothing to you… That I mean nothing after everything’s that happened.”
“You’re my emotional support human, and I love you so, so much.”
“If you ever need me, I’ll be right here. Just as I’ve always been.”
“I’d let you break my heart, if it means I’d get to have you for even a day.”
“You make me feel like dancing in the pouring rain wouldn’t be such a bad thing.”
“You’re astoundingly unhealthy for me, but do I care? No, because I wouldn’t have fallen if I cared, especially when I’m someone who’s usually so careful with whom I give my heart to.”
“…I didn’t drunk call you. It wasn’t a drunk call. I called you, perfectly sober.”
“You’re someone I want to tell things to.”
“What’s more important to me is that I’m your last love.”
“This… This hurts me more than it hurts you.”
“Falling in love wasn’t on the agenda.” “Do you mean falling in love with me out of all people wasn’t on the agenda?”
“I don’t know, I guess I’m kind of in love?”
“…I want all of you. On top, under, whatever — I don’t care, I just want you.”
“Maybe I can help you forget about them.”
“It’s easier to pretend I’m still in love with them, than leave them in that state.” “You know you basically lying to them about your feelings is gonna hurt them more in the long run, right?”
“Why does it have to be them? Why can’t it be me?”
“I’ll give you two seconds to take that back.”
“You gotta work for it, love.”
“We can pretend that didn’t happen.” “I’m sorry, but I’m not as good of an actor as you are.”
“I don’t know how to… I’ve never done this before.” “Then follow my lead, okay?”
“I’m someone who falls in love easily, but I’m also someone who can’t get over someone as easily.”
“I want to make this work, because I don’t— I don’t want to— I can’t lose you.”
“You make me want to be a better version of myself.”
“I don’t wanna mess this up with you.” “You won’t. I promise, you won’t, so just… Do whatever. I trust you.”
“Why are you smiling at your phone?” “…I was looking at the mail app, and uh… Received some good news?”
“Because love isn’t linear. You know that, right?”
“I’m not doing this for you — I’m doing this for myself.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be that person for you.”
“I’m here to stay. At least until you want me gone, which I hope is never.”
“Chasing you is like chasing the rainbow… It’s impossible. You’re always slipping away no matter how fast I run after you.”
“Don’t give me that it’s not you, it’s me bullcrap. It’s us both. We’re both at fault for this relationship breakdown.”
“God, I just like you so, so much.”
“I think I need to get over you for me to feel better again.”
“You and your stupid smile… Stop that.”
“I just need you in me somehow, please—”
“I really hope you realised they were flirting with you.” “…They were?”
“I’ve caught feelings for you, and I know you don’t like me back that way so I just… Wanted to tell you, before I decide to let you go.”
“I’ll be here to pick up the broken pieces if that’s what you want me to do, but I’ll leave if you’re not ready for that… For something more with me.”
“I love you, but I… I don’t think I see a future with you.”
“Give me a week. A week, and I’ll be back to normal. A week, and I’ll… I’ll be over you. Just a week and you’ll have the old me back. It’s that easy, I promise.”
“I kinda wanna give myself a concussion so I can forget about you and not think about you twenty-four-seven.”
(pt. 1) | (pt. 3)
#i wrote this in january lmfao#long post#dialogue prompts#otp prompts#fluff prompts#angst prompts#smut prompts#prompts#romantic prompts#romance prompts#suggestive prompts
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I love how transparent you are about what its like to be a self published author in this day and age, and i was just wondering if there was a difference on your side between amazon ebook/paperback and audible - and also if Scribd is any better, because i use it as an alternative to amazon whenever possible (and whenever the library doesnt own a copy of whatever im looking for) is it functionally all the same? What is best for you?
Thank you!
I actually did a huge long post a while back when I got the audiobooks produced and uploaded to various platforms. I included Scribd in the breakdown after people falsely claim that Scrib is better for authors than Amazon/Libraries.
A lot of people were not happy when I burst that particular bubble by showing that Scribd paid me 97 cents out of the 19.99 price tag. Which is less than what Audible paid me.
Now, obviously, Scribd is different because it's a subscription service, and you’re paying for access to multiple things with that subscription. But saying it is better than libraries is just false because I also showed the numbers for that, and my income from libraries was several times higher than both Scribd and Amazon combined (for audio), which is why authors are always begging people to request their work in libraries.
Libraries pay us better and are usually free. Not always. I know it depends heavily on the country, but for most of my English-speaking audience, that is the case.
Now, this is not to say people shouldn’t use services like Scribd. If Scribd is what you can afford and it gives you access to things your library can’t fantastic. Please continue to access our work through that legal option. I would much rather earn 97 cents than zero.
But uh, yeah, Amazon pays me more than Scrib for digital stuff and I really don’t like when people who aren’t on the author side spread misinformation and frame it as some more “gotcha.”
The sad truth is Most retailers pay us the same or within the same royalty range. The difference I earn between Kobo vs Kindle is literal pennies with Amazon coming out on top. I make my work available on multiple platforms to give people options, but unless you’re buying directly from my personal storefront, it's all roughly the same.
I do actually earn more from Amazon paperbacks than I do any other retailers (for self-pub, paperbacks are a flat rate regardless of how much a retailer is charging), but the difference is about ten cents, so I always tell people to buy from wherever is best for them.
I like bookshop.org because they give some of the profit on their end to indie bookstores. Same with libro.fm for audio.
Audiobooks are just a whole fucking nightmare. Audible sets your price point for you and takes 80% of your royalties. And because Audible does that, I have to then use that price tag on all other platforms or risk being fucked by the algorithm gods. Other audio retailers take about 60-70% in royalties, most of them veering toward 70%.
As we say in radical acceptance therapy, it is what it is—fucking end-stage monopoly driven capitalism.
Now, speaking personally, when it comes to digital media, I earn the most royalties from my Payhip store where I keep 90% of my income.
That's the best place for me.
It's also why it's worth looking up an author you like to see if they have their own storefront. It doesn't help our sales rankings or put us on any bestseller lists, but frankly after launch week, who cares. I’ll take being able to feed me and my dog.
I hope that helps!
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hi bb 🥹
could you do like a deep comfort with Billie? where reader is feeling really anxious and we’re just sitting in the bed and she just helps talk out our troubles and thoughts and just holds us and is physically intimate with us (fluffy) to help us calm down <3
New Chapter
Billie Eilish x female reader !
A/n: I saw this tiktok and ugh I just needed to write something like it. Hope you enjoy nonnie ! (Ok so embarrassing update. Sad update LMAO but I forgot Ms billie can't get us pregnant -i just didn't think the idea through- so I'm making it a bit creative and I'm praying you enjoy, just try not to think of it as legitimate and focus on the comfort okur :D) - also sorry if it's short 😔 - also kinda went way off your request :( I hope you like this tho nonnie
Summary: you're always an anxious mess, so once you find out this news you have a complete breakdown.
Warnings: angstyish, comfort, suggestive mentions ??? Anxiety attack, I think that's it !
Masterlist
Uh oh. Was all you thought this morning when you felt ill. You had so much work to get done you did not need to get a cold or the flu ontop of that. Then it hit you on what it could be. Surely not though.
Rewind to a few weeks ago. You and Billie had just had a date night and you wanted to try something new, per her suggestion. Slightly drunk you both decide to use the ejaculating dildo. But last time which wasn't that long ago, you were trying for a baby. You had been finding anonymous donors for a while and she finally found one. You ended up forgetting about it, so you thought nothing could happen because I mean, it was old. Surely nothing could attach to anything right?
Wrong. This feeling was getting worse as the morning went on. Billie was over at Finneas' working on some music related things. So she wasn't there. You had bought pregnancy tests like a month ago when you and Billie came up with the random idea. You were ready then, kind of. Now? Fuck no. Your job had been getting worse and you were honestly thinking of quitting. But you couldn't do that. Even if Billie insisted that it'd be ok, she could pay for the both of you she says. But you said she shouldn't ever have to do that.
Working was your everything even if this job was the putz, you've always loved working. You procrastinate looking at this stupid test. The whole baby thing was merely a thought you guys weren't 100% on it. Atleast you weren't. A human growing inside you, that's so much to think about. Children are a huge responsibility. Your head soon feels light, trying to calm your nerves. "Don't be stupid, this is just nothing. Turn it over." You try and convince yourself. Your hand trembles as you do, fully expecting 'not pregnant'
Wrong again. Your eyes widen tremendously. "Fuck, no no-" You accidentally drop it starting to freak out. Your chest feeling extra heavy. And just in time to freak out more, the front door opens. "Hey baby! I'm back." Baby.. Baby. Ones growing inside you. Your mind races. Shit, fuck. Your freakout continues. Your breathing becoming labored. Trying to calm down as your heart rate picks up. Pointless. "Y/n?" You try desperately to think of something, how on earth do you even explain this to her. 'Oh hey, yeah I'm pregnant.' Not to mention how scared you were.
You didn't want this not now, and you honestly weren't sure if you ever would. That's probably just the anxiety talking, but all you could think about was how scary this all was. Scared wasn't even the right word for how you were feeling. And the pain in your heart was telling you that. She comes into the bathroom looking at you with worry. "What's going on-?" Then she saw your teary eyes, panic flooding her. "Hey, hey. What's up?" She grabs your face gently. "Talk to me, please." But she stops herself realizing you were about to have a panic attack.
"Ok, look at me, I'm right here." Her hands grab yours going to put it on her heart like she always does, but you retract them. Shoving them in your hair. "I cant do this." You say breathing heavy. Still stuck on what you had just read on that stupid stick. It's all you could think about right now. "Do what babe?" That worried her more. What on earth were you talking about. "This can't be real- I have to be dreaming." You then say clutching your beating heart, shaking your head in disbelief. She grabs your face again, never harsh. "What. Is going on." Her thumb swipes your tear stained cheeks.
In attempt to calm you, and it worked for a moment. How do you even tell her. "I-.." You began but tear up again. You couldn't find the words at first, buy you try so hard. "I'm pregnant." You decide to just blur out, ripping of the bandaid, the stuck. Sticky. Bandaid. She gives you a confused look. "Babe-" She doesn't believe you, you wish you didn't believe you. "You do realize-" But you turn around before she could finish, grabbing the test and putting it in her hands. She widens her eyes, seeing it. Even more confused than she was before. Then her brain clicks. "The dildo.." you hear her mumble.
You're pacing, but she grabs you. "Hey, it's ok. I promise this will be all o-" "No. I can't do this, I don't think I ever could. This is so scary and." You stop feeling your chest heave. "Baby." She then says. "Yeah, ones growing in me. A human, I can't do that." She grabs you again, spotting how another attack was coming on, her hands grabbing yours and instinctively putting them on her heart. One of your coping mechanisms. "Look at me, we can do this I promise." You sob. "It was old how'd it even-" She brings you into her. Wrapping her arms around you. "I don't know my love... I don't know." But that's all you needed to stay calm, her warmth was incredibly comforting. Her voice calming every nerve inside you.
Just like it always did. You wrap your arms tightly around her. Burying your head into her chest. Lettung the initial shock die down. Heart going back to normal after awhile. Her hand gently caresses your hair, kissing the crown of it. "I'm here, which will be the main thing and we will get through this together no matter what." Her soothing touches and voice was all you needed. That's what helped in the end. You kinda wished you had done it when she was home, knowing that if she had been, you could've potentially avoided a anxiety attack. Still holding you close as you did so, letting you know that all of this would be ok. "What if I suck, what if it hurts-"
But she stops you, really not wanting you to think about this right now. "Hey, don't worry about that right now ok?" She pulls you back getting you to look at her. "I know you're scared. Fuck, I am too. But we got this." Her finger moves a loose strand out of your face, holding it once again. "You're good with kids, so good with kids. I'm just worried that I won't be good with it." Her head shakes. "You'll be amazing. You've got so much love in you, I know once it's here you'll be the best. Mother. Mark my words." You smile at her brightly. Everything she was saying soothing every worry. You were so glad to have someone like that in your life.
"I love you." She then says, making you cry out of happiness this time.
"I love you more. I'm so glad out of anyone in this world, you're the one I'm doing it with."
"And that's never changing."
Lil note, since I felt like I didn't get your request like you wanted and it's kinda bugging me (a lil mad at myself) I'll do a little blurb of a small idea that I got !
#billie eilish#billie elish icons#billie ellish lyrics#billie#billie eilish x reader#billie eilish fanfiction#billie elish moodboard#billie eilish x you#billie eilish fluff#billie eilish angst#billie eilish comfort#billie eilish x y/n
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I really like your stories, especially about the Creator otter. It would be great if when the truth is known, they take the Creator otter to the "true creator" and when he tries to hurt the otter, the attack returns on its own or something happens. to prevent him from harming the beautiful otter and so it is known that he is the true creator, I imagine he would have many more pamperings than before
The Otter Chronicles Pt.3
⋘ Previous Part » ♡︎
૮꒰˶ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ˶꒱ა Pairings : GN! Otter Reader x Fontaine
૮꒰ྀི∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ྀིა W.K. : 2.2k
໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১ Tags/CW&TW : Angst, some fluff, many mental breakdowns
໒꒰ྀི˶˙Ⱉ˙˶꒱ྀིა Author’s note : I. Am. So. Sorry. You have been waiting for months for this but I didn’t know how to continue and then I got writers block and UGH-
But I’m here now :). And your gonna get your wish :3
Future note, this will probably be split up into at least one more chapter because I know for a fact I won’t be able to write all the idea, plus, I have an idea on how to finish it!!~~
As you snoozed peacefully, the quiet seemed to seep into the room, suffocating everyone within it.
“So… the otter sat on your lap… sleeping… that’s the creator?” Finally, Wriothesley broke the silence that had consumed the room, making Furina jump and you chitter under your breath, snuggling into her stomach.
“Do we have any proof?- I mean, besides what happened with the Primordial Sea-“ “Do you need more evidence?” Neuvillette interrupted. His face was stern and cold, hands gripping at his pants.
“Well… it’d be nice to at least know for certain?” Wirothesley sighed out, a hand pressing to his forehead. He leans forward in his seat and took a breath before speaking again. “I mean, genuinely, can’t you see where I’m coming from? Sure, you might trust your gut or whatever magical power you’re keeping from us, but this is a little hard to believe for a guy like me. I mean, who knows! Maybe it was coincidence the Primordial Sea went back into the lock!! Because I’ve personally never seen a creature besides a human jump in there, have you? Maybe it’s all just one big joke I just-“ He stopped, huffing, hands shaking.
“I… we gave our everything… to the Creator. And now I’m finding out it was all a lie? If it’s true, and they really are THE Creator… then I’ve just been lying to myself?? That everything I’ve went through, every trial I’ve faced, every man I’ve stared down as we sent him to his death, every challenged I’ve faced… that i convinced myself that I would get through for them… that it was just a test to prove my worth… my loyalty… would it be for nothing..? I’ve…” The man stood up, chair knocking back behind him as he rose, tears staining his cheeks. Neuvillette also stood, putting a hand in front of Furina. Chlorinde simply sat with hands drawn to her lap.
“I’ve devoted my LIFE to them!! I’ve given my EVERYTHING to THEM!! I thought… I THOUGHT… I THOUGHT THAT THEY WOULD SAVE ME FROM THIS DAMNNATION OF SOULS GRIPPPING TO MY CHEST, CRYING OUT THAT I COULDNT SAVE THEM!! MY SIBLINGS, MEN I KNEW COULDNT HAVE BEEN GUILTY AND AND- YOU WANT TO SAY ITS ALL BEEN FOR NOTHING?!?” “CALM YOURSELF WIROTHESLEY!-“ “NO! BECAUSE THIS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS!”
A shouting match began between the two men, Chlorinde jumped up and wrapped herself around a now shaking Furina who was about to cry again, holding your form close to her chest. As the men screamed at each other - and teacups started being thrown - you finally stirred, opening bleary eyes at the scene unveiling before you.
Why were people screaming..? What… You looked up to see Furina shaking and silently sobbing over you, Chlorinde hushing her and whispering into her ear, though you couldn’t hear what she was saying. Wriggling around enough to face the shouting, your eyes widened at the sight of Neuvillette and Wirothesley screeching at each other, both Visions glowing wildly at the emotions of their wielders.
It was getting to a point where your ears were starting to hurt, so you leapt of Futuna’s lap, which led to her and Chlorinde whipping their heads to you, and ran over to the shouting men. You didn’t know what had come over you, seeing them both fight - something you never thought you would’ve witnessed honestly - and ran between them paws raised. Both paused for only a second, before Wirothesley started arguing again and Neuvillette followed. You tried to chitter and call over both of them, not getting anywhere with their raised voices.
You took a deep breath, focusing. This had been something you wanted to try since the beginning but just never had the time nor the energy to do so. But if there ever was a time, now was it. Your brows furrowed as you focused on any and all water in the current room, imagining the water following your command, as though alive and you its master. You grunted, catching Furina’s attention as she called for you to come back.
Cups suddenly started shaking in the room, only the Archon and Dualist taking note. It also didn’t help that the entire building was surrounded by water, though luckily you were able to mostly focus your attention on the small bits of water in the room. Neither Wriothesley or Neuvillette stopped to look at you as you raised your little paws to your head, the shouting mixed with your focus bringing on a headache.
Finally, it came to a close when Wriothesley shouted at the top of his lungs; teacups shattered and liquid swirled around the room, tea and water and otherwise swimming around the room like a raging typhoon, slamming into walls and knocking over objects. Finally the Duke and Sovereign stopped looking just as shocked as the Duelist and Archon. You pressed your paws forward, all the liquid slamming onto the arguing duo, pushing them into wall on opposite sides of the room.
Neuvillette looked remorseful while Wriothesley was shocked, eyes as wide as possible and jaw slacked. After a moment of silence you dropped your paws, allowing the two to fall to the floor drenched and standing in puddles.
“Holy… Holy Shit. They are the…” Wriothesley looked towards Neuvillette who nodded. Wriothesley fell to his knees, hands gripping at his hair and tears filling his eyes.
“All my life… was a lie?” You rushed to his side before he could spiral, rapidly chittering and crying, wishing you could speak so you could comfort him. In fear of another argument you began to cry. You sniffled and placed paws on his arm, practically begging him not to fall down that dark hole of spiraling thoughts.
Suddenly, you felt a hand on your head. Fingers gently carded through your fur, and you looked up, meeting Wriothesley’s eyes. They were still teary, filled with grief and sorrow, but there was something behind it, something bright.
“Mm… don’t cry little guy. I didn’t mean to uh… scare you?” His smile was shaky at best. You whined and climbed into his lap, paws pressed to his cheeks and small kitten-licks to the tears he evidently didn’t know about, rubbing away any others you couldn’t get. His eyes widened, quickly trying to rub away any stray tears he caught.
The others watched the scene, not daring to speak. Eventually Wriothesley picked you up to stare at you. All his life had been spent worshiping one person, they fell from the sky one day, and he figured that’d be it. He got live in the generation that saw the return of their blessed Creator. Never to have them look him in the eye or anything.
But here you were. An otter. And you had already done so much more for him than the Creator had in such a short amount of time.
It would take a while, he figured, till his mind really did say that you were, in fact, the real and true Creator, till his mind could finally let go of the notion that he’d never get to see them because here you were, in his arms, caring for him.
“… Y’know… you’re a pretty cute little otter.” Everyone’s eyes snapped over to him when he spoke, more tears falling from his eyes. You squirmed around, desperately trying to get close enough to wipe them but were caught off-guard when instead Wriothesley wiped tears out of your eyes.
You cried, squirming in his arms to wrap your own around his neck. Everyone was silent as this happened, watching as his arms gently curled around you, slowly breaking down.
Neuvillette turned away, ashamed that he had lost his cool, and watched as Furina got up from the couch and walked over to you and Wriothesley. She couched down and sat beside you both, laying a head on Wriothesley’s shoulder.
You chirped quietly into the mana chest, letting him silently sob into you.
Only the sound of moving water disrupted the calm.
૮꒰づ˶• ༝ •˶꒱づ ˚ʚ ꒰⁐⁐⁐⁐୨🍯🧁🥥୧⁐⁐⁐⁐꒱ ɞ˚
That meeting was weeks ago, and now your little group was coming up with a plan to bring this news to light before all the other nations.
It had been well established to them that creatures of Teyvat, from small bugs to the largest beast, would all listen to you under any and all circumstances.
Like now.
While they all spoke under the moonlight inside Wriothesley’s office - one of the most secretive places in all of Fontaine - you swam just outside the walls in a raft of otters, all in all just having a fun time until the inevitable.
The rebellion.
Naturally everyone in the room was pissed, especially since it had been years at this point that that false ‘Creator’ had sat on a throne that was rightfully yours. They could see the effect your presence had on Fontiane.
The sun shone brighter, the water seemed clearer, less Meka broke down, flower bloomed easier, crime even dropped. It was great.
Everyone and everything seemed and felt happier.
Much happier than with that fucking liar.
A map of the large, floating Sanctuary and Shrine that was supposed to house the Creator was laid out across a table, specific entry point circled in red.
“Next week marks the beginning of the *Creator’s Walk. Defenses will grow as this week passes but the first day of the walk, there will be no Acolytes.” Neuvillette broke the silence by pointing towards the circles on the map.
“But they’ll still be in the perimeter. I should know, I was apart of the last Creator’s Walk.” Chlorinde spoke up, adjusting her hat. “I can’t think of any entrance we may have left ungraded, even if from a distance.”
They were silent as they thought. The Creator’s walk was a Month Long holiday where the Creator would walk nation to nation - by themselves - in order to hand out blessings, push back monsters for a following month of no attacks and to retrace their original path between Nations, a show that they were all still connected.
The quiet was broken by the sounds of you chittering, the door opening and revealing you wrapped in a Melusine themed towel, Sigewinne trailing right behind you.
“Thank you Sigewinne for returning them to us, now if you would mind-“ Neuvillette started but was interrupted by the Melusine, “You’re talking about the plan right?” Everyone stared at her while you took it upon yourself to climb into Furina’s lap.
“How did-“ “Uh, duh. I’ve known all along? I would’ve figured you’d have guessed that by now, especially with all the other Melusine and Meka treating them so great? Come on Monsieur Neuvillette, you’re smarter than that!” The sentence was ended with a giggle as she skipped over to the still shocked older man.
Neuvillette shook himself from the sudden stupor, sighing and nodded, before his eyes lit up.
“That’s right. We have all the Meka of Fontaine on our side. They’d do anything for ma moitié. How in Archons name did we forget we have an entire army on our side?” Everyone stared at Neuvillette sheepishly, shrugs and mutters filling the room. Neuvillette sighs and hangs his head, but quickly rebounds.
“Well in that case, most Nations haven’t fought our Meka-“ “But they have fought Ruin Guards.” Chlorinde spoke again. Neuvillette bit his cheek, she had a point. While Meka were different, it wouldn’t take to much the Acolytes to find weaknesses due to said Ruin Guards.
Silence again.
“The Local Legends and beasts alike could be of use. I mean, I doubt anyone’s fought giant crabs before.” Furina mentioned, though most of her attention was on you, drying you off and petting you.
“That is true, Lady Furina.” Wriothesley agreed. Eyes drew back to the map, taking in every spot on the thing.
“There!” Sigewinne was the one to point to a point on the map, near the back to the left of the large estate.
“What’s the spot?” She asked, Wriothesley took one look and responded.
“That’s a window to their wine cellar. Pretty unused but still guarded, why?” Sigewinne looked up with a grin.
“Because it’s closest to a body of water.” Chlorinde looked closely at the spot, and her eyes widened a bit.
“She has a point, and on top of that, while it is still guarded it’s much more lax, especially considering it’s not to far from where the ‘Creator’ will be leaving but far enough where anyone would doubt an entry. On the other hand, it could only appear that way.”
“That’s where Meka and monsters could come in.” Wriothesley started. “When we’re protecting the place we more expect other people than monsters considering they’re all scared of the place.”
The plan started to come together, more pieces being added and who should go first and so on and so forth. Furina was too busy playing with you to really care, but looked up with a confused expression.
“When are we going to tell the others? Vision users, I mean. And… how?” Everyone looked towards her.
“…Fuck.” And a new can of worms now needed to be opened.
໒꒰ྀི˶˙Ⱉ˙˶꒱ྀིა Author’s note : IM SO FUCKING SORRY I CANT DO IT!! I swear I will be keeping this idea in mind tho because I now have a plan to map out all of the creator stories I swear it I’m just tired omg I’m sorry but I hope this suffices for now-
… This is so disappointing I’m sorry-
#genshin impact sagau#sagau x reader#sagau#x reader#x gn reader#gn y/n#x gn y/n#yandere x reader#yandere x you#Otter!Creator#asks <3#anon <3
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Manjiro with a lover, who is a successful entrepreneur.
TAGS: SFW && gender neutral y/n.
manjiro loves staying in your office while you're working away on your laptop.
if you need help with advertising a product you are selling but you don't have enough funds for that, you best believe that manjiro got your back. he'd advertise your product legally and illegally he doesn't care, as long as you make profit.
he loves spending on you. he doesn't think of money as something significant, it's just something that comes along as he is a part of the yakuza. spending on you is his way of making use of it, otherwise he would barely take much out of his bank account.
he dislikes it when you don't pay much attention to him while working, but he won't immediately ask for your attention until he's sure you won't use the excuse of working to get him to behave.
“you've been working for 6 hours, babe.” he would whine and sit on your desk, tipping your laptop cover even lower so you pay attention to him.
“you kept track of my working hours?”
“mm, you could say that.” he would then move your laptop aside so he could wrap his arms around you while sitting on your lap.
your office is like his hangout spot where he falls asleep to the sounds of your fingers against the keyboard or where he sprawls onto the couch to read magazines, or sometimes he just lovingly stares at you with his hand against his cheek. you are more than certain that he has no idea how piercing his gaze is and how it makes you fidget in your seat.
izana tends to drop by here and there to drag manjiro away from you. he isn't too fond of you for ‘stealing manjiro away from him’ and often vies for his younger brother's attention and skills.
he thinks it's ideal that both of you are night owls, with him being an insomniac and you always making sure to burn the midnight oil. late work nights with you always seem more intimate for you two, even with unspoken words.
manjiro would invite you as a plus-one to events with izana where networking is inevitably bound to happen to expand your business and brand. he would ensure that you are dressed in the finest attire to make the best first impression. it is also an excuse for him to watch you prance around in different dresses as you ask him for your opinion.
“you look so hot.” he'd gush for the umpteenth time, not caring about the exasperation on your face.
“you're not helping.”
“can i help it if you look good in everything, baby?”
he'd notice your dissatisfaction and offer to buy all the dresses you had put on and forcefully get his brother to choose for you.
“sorry y/n, izana-nii’s better with all this fashion stuff.”
he follows you on business trips whenever he has the time, and extends them for 2 more days.
“manjiro fucking sano. let go of me, i…we have a flight back to tokyo.”
“oh no we don't. we're staying for two more days, baby! don't worry i’ve got it covered, let's go to the beach in miami. i wanna tan my skin like those blonde foreigners.”
don't even bother complaining or arguing with him because he will totally ignore you, take your suitcase from your hand and put it somewhere in the hotel room before pulling you to bed.
.
.
BONUS; BONTEN MIKEY HCS.
he finds it convenient when you work late hours at night and you are not there to witness his mental breakdowns. he isn't fully comfortable with being vulnerable with you. he thinks he's doing you a favour by shielding you from that weak side of himself.
however, he despises when you pay little attention to him when he comes over to visit (which is rare as he is the face and leader of the most powerful crime syndicate in japan) and it seems like you prefer your laptop over him but would act clingy only when you two are alone. he won't say anything, won't bother you but his body language would let you know that he wants attention.
you would hold his hand and type away with the other one (even if it is a bit inconvenient, there isn't anything you wouldn't do for your babyboy).
he loves it when you look put-together and modest in your suit or your long pencil skirt with your hair tied back in a bun or a slick-back. no matter how feminine or masculine you appear, he looks at you with a tender expression hidden under his brooding visage.
manjiro would hook you up with people that would have your business skyrocketing. you converse with them about market potential, growth strategies and all that jazz, while mikey watches you like a hawk or gets sanzu to do that if he has to leave the venue for whatever reason.
#tokyo revengers#tokrev x reader#manjiro sano x reader#mikey x reader#tokyo revengers smut#tokyo revengers headcanons#tokyorev hcs#tokyorev headcanons#tokyo revengers mikey#tokyo revengers manjiro sano#manjiro sano smut#tokyo revengers x reader#tokyo revengers sub#tokyorev x you#tokyo revengers x you#manjiro sano x you#anime x reader#anime#tokyo rev x y/n#tokyo revengers x y/n#manjiro x y/n#bonten mikey#bonten mikey headcanons#bonten#bonten x you#bonten x y/n#bonten mikey x you#bonten mikey x y/n#bonten tokyo revengers
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