#in this way though many people make the mistake of using too much of one to actually improve overall from neglecting the other
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thisisntmyrightera Ā· 2 days ago
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Together - CHO HYUN-JU x Fem Reader Part 3
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Summary: Reader is scammed and abandoned by her boyfriend, leaving her alone in South Korea to her fate, so in desperate search of a solution to return to her home country she decides to join the squid games to get money, within the game she meets a couple of people who become her friends and could possibly be something more.
Warning: Violence, homophobia mention of attempted rape and sexist language
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ā—»ā—‹ā–³ Hyun-Ju POV ā–³ā—‹ā—»
The lights had barely gone out when Y/N had fallen asleep using one of her arms as a pillow and even though I was lying on my side, the space she used was still tiny, I could cover her with my arms and make her disappear without any problem.
The strands of her hair fell carefully and perfectly arranged around her head, some on her face where her long eyelashes adorned her cheeks, it was so strange to see and even more difficult to understand.
Previously, before I began with my identity recognition, my appearance attracted too many girls, many of them interested in my position and the economic benefits that this could bring to their lives, but I never felt attracted to them, they were all the same and empty.
But then why did I feel like this now? She could be my little sister, the fragile and sweet girl that I could take care of but my heart didn't feel that way, my stomach turned when she took my hand with fear, taking care that the bond didn't break so she wouldn't get lost from my side, my heart beat a thousand times faster when her eyes narrowed every time she smiled, my head spun every time she told me those words of encouragement making me see that I never made a mistake and that being who I am is no problem, she was the reason now for wanting to get out of this game and it didn't matter if I won the money or not, she was the best thing I had ever won.
Aren't you sleepy?ā€¦- she whispered making me jump slightly but I remained silent looking at her - don't pretend you're asleepā€¦ I can feel your gaze I'm sorry, I'm not sleepy yet..- I smiled at nothing feeling embarrassed for being discovered You should rest, tomorrow we will need strength to continue playing - her eyes barely opened illuminated with the warm light of the piggy bank - what are you thinking so much about? Thinking? What do you mean? - I looked at her curiously trying to pretend that everything was fine If you can't sleep, it's because your head is busy, what's wrong? - Damn, how did she know me so well? Just 3 days were enough for her to read me like the palm of her hand I was thinkingā€¦ thatā€¦ that this would be the last game we could play and then we would vote to withdraw from the competition - I smiled barely arranging a lock of her hair that covered her eyes I see, I was thinking the same thing, I don't want to be here anymore, when I get out I'll look for a job, no matter how bad the pay is, I just want to get out and go home - she sighed tiredly
If you don't mind telling me, now I would like to know why you decided to come to these games, what's your story?
Wellā€¦ -she sighed deeply biting the inside of her lip a little and with another sigh she looked at me again- a year ago I met a guy online, he fell in love with me and he promised me that we would have a long and happy relationship, we went out for a couple of months just through messages and calls and one day he proposed to come to Korea to meet him and if everything went well I would stay with him to live and we would start a family, soā€¦ I quit my job and bought a ticket to come hereā€¦ I met him and everything was going well but a couple of months later heā€¦ took all my money and disappeared, he barely paid the last month's rent and luckily they didn't throw me out butā€¦ -her gaze lowered sadly feeling ashamed- it was a stupid thing, I should never have trusted someone I didn't know
Men are disgustingā€¦ well.. you.. you understand - she laughed a little wiping her wet eyes - then you need the money for?..
To go back home, buy a plane ticket and go back to my country, I'm not welcome here and people have let me know in many possible ways, I just want to go with my family and start over what I left behind
Ohā€¦ - my heart felt like it was breaking into a thousand pieces, a part of me thought that by leaving this game she and I could get to know each other a little more, but she just wanted to run away from here, like I wanted and never hear from anyone else again - thenā€¦ you'll leave
Yes I think so, but don't worry, once we get out we'll continue being friends and when I have a job I'll pay for all the necessary trips to visit you in Thailand - her eyes narrowed with the smile that formed on her lips, it was so comforting but at the same time so painful to hear that.
I didn't understand why it hurt, I had never felt that feeling of pain and abandonment in that sense, the sense of being in love with her.
Is something wrong? - Her small hand slowly touched my cheek making me focus my attention back on her just shaking my head smiling a little
Everything is fine, it's just thatā€¦ I will miss my best friend as long as she doesn't come to visit meā€¦ - I lied and lied again when I told her I was sleepy and we had to sleep, I spent the night awake, watching her sleep once sleep overcame her again
The next morning, at the sound of the loudspeaker, everyone got up, as if so many hours had passed without even feeling the passage of time.
She barely woke up and jumped out of bed as if she had regained all the energy she had lost in the previous days, put on her shoes and almost ran down to greet Jun-Hee and ask her if she had slept well and if her baby had moved during the night. Y/N had barely found out that 222 was pregnant she kept asking her questions, excitedly showing that she couldn't wait for her turn.
Her authentic happiness made me feel much worse, it made me feel selfish, I wanted her for myself but I couldn't give her anything she wanted, I wouldn't give her the happy life, nor the family she dreamed of, it was a martyrdom and I only thought that I had made the worst decision to be the way I am now.
That is your punishment - the shaman laughed leaning on the bedposts - for following the wrong path that the gods wrote for you, now you will suffer, you love her but you will not have her
I don't know what you are talking about ma'am - I looked at her closing my sweater and arranging my hair with my fingers
Oh no? We are not stupid, we all know what you think when you look at her, how much you want to kiss her and show her that you love her but you don't, because you know that she doesn't like people like you, she only talks to you out of pity and she will never like you - the woman laughed, knowing that she had broken the last thing that was left in a piece inside me, she knew my secret and could use it against me to make me weak at any moment
Shut your mouth you damn bitch, you only know how to say shit, why don't you pray to the gods to give you a new brain uh? Get out of here - Geum-Ja confronted her pushing her away with her hands making the shaman go away laughing while I sat on the steps with my insides destroyed - girl, don't listen to her, that woman attacks where she knows she will truly destroy, don't give her that pleasure
She's rightā€¦ - I looked at her sadly while she sat next to me brushing my hair with her fingers
Is she right? About we all know you have feelings for that girl? Of course she's right, but she'll never be right in stating what she feels or doesn't feel for you and we won't know until she tells you, maybe she sees you as an older sister or maybe as her best friendā€¦ -she smiled at me taking my hand- or maybe, deep inside, where no one knows her secrets, she feels for you the same as you do for her and it doesn't matter if you think you're not enough for her, when you're the right person for someone, all dreams come true
Do you believe in that? - I looked at her again feeling my lungs fill with air once again with her loving motherly smile
Of course, it doesn't matter what you were before or what you are now or if you are both girls, if love is sincere then love can do everything and I know you will fight to save yourself but especially her and I promise you that once we leave you two will go to my house and we will eat the best kimchi you have ever tasted, do you understand? - She laughed patting my back making me smile
''Players, it's time for a new game, please line up and leave in order following the masked soldiers''
Hyun-Ju, let's go - Y/N called me making me look at her quickly while she smiled
Go with her, I'll go with my son - Geum-Ja patted me again standing up as we both went down
Don't leave my side okay? - I looked at her as she nodded smiling and stood in front of me in the line of players
ā—»ā—‹ā–³ā—»ā—‹ā–³ā—»ā—‹ā–³ā—»ā—‹ā–³ā—»ā—‹ā–³ā—»ā—‹ā–³ā—»ā—‹ā–³ā—»ā—‹ā–³
The instructions had been clear and one thing was clear to me, I should not separate myself from Y/N at any time, she would be my priority in this game and no matter how many players there were, she would be the one who would always be by my side.
The platform spun to that traumatizing childhood song, everyone silently looking at each other
''10'' - The speaker spoke making us freeze
There are 4 of us, we need 6 more - Yong-Sik shouted desperately pulling his hair
Y/N! Here, there are 5 of us - Dae-Ho shouted pulling Y/N's arm making her look at him
There are 4 of us - I pulled her other arm bringing her back to me looking at him annoyed - Run to a room I'll look for one more
No Hyun-Ju I won't leave, let's go together - Y/N looked at me scared shaking her head
Don't worry, run! - I took her hand giving it to Dae-Ho making him pull her while I screamed looking for person 10 taking whoever the first person I saw was pulling her into the room
''10..9..8..7.''.- the speaker spoke making me nervous when I was able to enter the room and close the door almost fainting without oxygen in my lungs and the countdown reached zero we all looked at each other, the shots could be heard leaving us stunned as we caught our breath
Everyone is alive thanks to me! - the shaman shouted looking at us one by one - ahā€¦ I see why I'm here, to save your little friend's life - she laughed pointing at me
Don't start you damn crazy - Geum-Ja looked at her annoyed
As soon as the lock was removed and the door opened, everything was a bloodbath, we all walked in fear looking around confused when I felt a warm hand take mine.
You said we wouldn't separateā€¦ don't do that again - Y/N looked at me with her wet eyes
I'm sorry..- I smiled barely squeezing her hand walking slowly together so as not to slip with the blood on the floor
Again the song began to play and the platform turned again, this time with fewer players on it
''4'' - the speaker rang as soon as the song stopped making us look at each other
Run! Run now - I squeezed her hand pulling her as Geum-Ja and Yong-Sik followed us into the room and I closed the door leaning my back against it so no one could open it
This is so tiringā€¦ it's torture - Yong-Sik sat on the floor with his head in his hands desperate
Are you okay? - I looked at Y/N who was breathing heavily looking at the floor
Yes.. - she barely answered catching her breath
Again the lock opened letting us out, there was more blood and fewer people, the floor was sticky making our steps difficult until we reached the platform, once again the game began, the lights came on and the song played loudly
''3'' - the speaker announced making us look at each other again
What do we do? - Y/N looked at me scared
Come with me, we're doing in pairs and we'll look for someone - I grabbed her hand tightly, running screaming looking for someone, being pushed by Yong-Sik into the room
What are you doing here? Where's your mother? - I looked at him scared as he caught his breath
What?ā€¦what are you talking about? - he looked at me adjusting his misplaced glasses
The teams are 3 Yong-Sik, where did you leave your mother? - Y/N looked at him screaming upset
What? I understood 4, damn it - Yong-Sik tried to leave stumbling and throwing his glasses on the floor
This time Y/N let go of my hand and left quickly, grabbing Geum-Ja by the clothes skillfully by the back pulling her into the room with such force making her almost fall when she hit the wall and then she takes the door and closing it, now she was outside
Noā€¦Y/N NO, COME IN! - she looked at me through the gap in the door, her bright eyes looked at mine for the last time and then she ran - no, please no - the sound of the lock on the door rang and no matter how hard I pulled on it, it was impossible to open it
'' 10..9..8..7 ''
NO, NOT LIKE THIS, NOT HER - I looked at Geum-Ja pulling on my hair, my knees became weak making me fall on the floor as my tears fell
''6ā€¦5ā€¦4ā€¦3''
PLEASE DON'T KILL HER, DON'T SEPARATE HER FROM ME!..
''2ā€¦1ā€¦''
ā—»ā—‹ā–³ā—»ā—‹ā–³ā—»ā—‹ā–³ā—»ā—‹ā–³ā—»ā—‹ā–³ā—»ā—‹ā–³ā—»ā—‹ā–³ā—»ā—‹ā–³
Can you guess what would happen in the next episode? Can you guess who have a crush with Y/N? Let me read you! :3
Thanks for reading, I'll be back soon!
Tag List!
@kuureii @sann1e @sunflowers-are-heaven @bridellashiper @etta-huracan @cupiid1 @alianacelinecolux @juliexz @duchcess
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floraisunwell Ā· 1 day ago
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Promise | s.r
who? post-prison!reid x ex gf reader (she's a nurse)
category: angst (bold move ig)
summary: Spencer left you 5 months ago without a word for undisclosed reasons but he comes teary eyed to your door after seeing a girl that looks a little too much like you.
based on (very loosely lol): promise by laufey. the fic does not follow the events of the song at all but i love the "if it weren't for the sight of a boy who looked just like you standing out on Melrose avenue" part right at the end so it's all on that line.
word count: 1.6k
a/n: my first fic ahhhhhhh, i'm so nervous and happy rn, this is my baby and ik there's a lot of space for improvement but i'm proud of my writing, this comunnity is full of amazing people and if it wasn't such a lovely space i would have never posted this. shoutout to @lilacsandlavenderhaze for being the first to hear my idea and telling me i should go ahead and write it; @spencersbabymama for telling me to cut the bullshit and self deprecation and post this; and to @esote-rika for being my first readerrrr. love y'all <3
dividers by @aquazero
English is not my first language pls tell me about any spelling and grammatical mistakes. enjoyy!
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The air was cold and crisp, a light drizzle could be felt dampening the streets ā€“ a scene typical for this time of the year in Washington. Spencer had gone out with the team to get some drinks after a hard but successful case, he was happy, of course, the fact that they had caught the killer pleased him but everything inside the building felt overwhelming: the voices, and the drunk conversations, all the limbs touching a little too much, the overly loud music. He was out of it and to be honest he had been out of it for quite some time now, actually some months, everyone noticed how the breakup made him feel.
Funny, because he was the one to leave.
After you came back from a long shift at the hospital excited to cuddle with the love of your life (or so you thought) but the only remnant of him you found was a sticky note placed on the cover of a book you were reading at the time:
"I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore"
That was all he said before destroying everything you two had built over 3 years, 3 years of love, pain, and learning, 3 years of giving everything for each other, destroyed in less than 24 hours like nothing.
He hadn't been the same for a long time, thoughā€”not since prison. You didn't blame him; you tried to understand him, give him space, time, and everything one could need to heal. He was not the same, of course. You weren't expecting the same Spencer to come back, sure, but you also were not expecting whoever he had become: some cold and distant version of the person you used to know.
Your relationship with Spencer is divided into two eras: Before Millburn and After Millburn.
Before Millburn, you guys were somewhat happy. Both of you were overworked and stressed but happy. You would tell him about your work, and he would tell you about his. In the rare times, he got a day off work, he would hug you whenever he could, like he was making sure you wouldn't slip away.
After Millburn, you didn't talk much, not unless it was necessary, he didn't hug you a lot anymore, in fact, the last time he hugged you was when you went to pick him up at the correctional facility, all the emotions running high, you remember thinking he looked and smelled different, you didn't know he would be so different when you wrapped him in your arms, placed a kiss on his shoulder and whispered that everything would be fine. But everything was not fine. It was all so not fine and everyone around you two could tell. Yet you could have never imagined that Spencer, the man who made the hopeless romantic in you thrive would leave in such a disheartening way.
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Back at Oā€™Keeffeā€™s, the team was still at it. The count of how many rounds of drinks Rossi had paid long lost, Emily and JJ leaning suspiciously close to each other, Rossi nursing some unnecessarily extravagant drink, Garcia and Morgan somewhere on the dance floor and Hotch nowhere to be seen. Spencer had gone outside, hoping the sensory overload would ease with the fresh air, it did slightly but the agglomerate of people was no better than the one inside, so many people, reeking of alcohol, walking like zombies, and saying nonsensical things. As he was standing near the entrance, hands stuffed into his pockets, the soft rain dampening his hair, Spencer let his mind wander and it ended up where it always does: him contemplating if leaving was the right decision.
He was so deep in this thought that didn't even notice the man approaching until it happened- a hard shoulder bump that took him away from his thoughts.
"Sorry dude" the man muttered not even caring to glance back as he moved past. Spencer blinked, shocked as he watched the man move swiftly toward a small group of people nearby. A group that included you.
His heart jumped to his mouth. No - not you. But she looked like you, uncannily so. She even acted like you, the way she threw her back when she laughed or how she scrunched her nose in an attempt to put her sliding glasses in place - he could've sworn it was you.
For a fraction of a minute, he actually thought it was you. His breath caught in his throat and he took a step forward before reality sank in and he retreated. It wasn't you; it was never you.
But as he watched her wrapping her arms around the man's neck, as his hands almost automatically moved to her waist, and they both smiled like idiots in love. He couldn't help but feel like he had been stabbed and the knife was being twisted inside him. Was this some type of fucked up joke by the universe? "This could be you, bad thing you lost her" The thing is, he didn't lose you- he gave up on you which was worse because maybe if he had stayed, and tried a little harder, you would still be together.
He staggered back a few steps, and if he hadn't reached the wall, he would've fallen considering he already felt his knees buckle as all the bottled-up emotions from the past five months came crashing onto him; he was overwhelmed by his own feelings, eyes blurry with tears as a lump formed in his throat and the weight on his chest got heavier.
Blindly, almost unconsciously, he reached for his phone in the inside pocket of his jacket. His thumb hovered above your name in the contacts list. The message he typed was brief:
"Are you home?"
He didn't get a reply, he wasn't waiting for one. The moment he hit send his legs were already moving, practically running towards the street to hail a cab. He gave the driver your address, and it came out of his mouth easily, as if he had never stopped saying it.
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You were in the shower when his message came through, you didn't pay the loud notification much attention, not even caring to glance at the device when you heard the familiar ding. You prioritized the small occasions you got to take care of yourself when your job is to take care of others.
Now freshly showered and in the kitchen making tea- the next step on your little routine- you hear a knock on the door, a distinct knock, a knock you could never forget, not even a billion years from now. Your heart stopped for a moment, heartbeat pounding in your ears, you didn't quite register you were moving towards the door until it was open and he was standing there, his brown eyes open wide once he registered your presence, reacting as though you opening the door was the last thing he expected. You just stood there for a few seconds, staring at each other until Spencer wrapped you in his arms like he used to, his nostrils flooding with the smell of your shampoo and body wash, smells he recognized all too well, smells that felt like home.
You pushed him away, shattering the brief feeling of happiness he had started to feel.
"What are you doing here?" You asked almost a little too loud in an attempt to hide the hurt in your voice
"I miss you" he replied eyes searching for yours.
You stood there, arms folded, trying to hide how weak those words made you feel. He had no right to miss you, not after leaving the way he did.
Why should I care? You thought to yourself. He made it clear that he didnā€™t care about you, but you cared, you cared so deeply that it made your heart ache.
You were not going to let him in.
"You can't just stop talking to me and then come here like nothing happened, Spence." You couldn't help using the nickname, your voice falsely steady, trying to hide the pain.
"I know, I just-can I come in?" No reply "Please"
You hesitated, gripping the door handle tighter as a tornado of emotions swirled on your chest. Anger. Hurt. Loneliness. You wanted to slam the door in his face, make him feel a small fraction of what you felt over the past 5 months. But buried beneath all these harsh feelings, there was something softer, something you felt ashamed to acknowledge: the echo of all the nights you stayed up worrying about him and what could happen in his work, all the mornings you woke up without the smell of coffee lingering through the apartment.
You let him in.
You tried to convince yourself that letting him in was about answers- you deserved an explanation, some sort of closure at least. But as you stepped aside and watched him walk past you knew that wasnā€™t the whole truth.
Because no matter how much heā€™d hurt you, part of you still longed for the man he used to be.
ā€œThis doesnā€™t change anything.ā€ You muttered, as much to yourself as to him. He gave a slight nod in reply, eyes watering. Damn him and his big brown eyes.
 As you were turning around after closing the door behind you, he captured you in a hug again and you couldn't help but wrap your arms around him too.
ā˜…
Somehow, he ended up asleep in your bed and as you gaze at his peaceful resting face, your mind tells you to wake him up, tell him to go home and never come back, tell him that he doesn't get to leave and reappear whenever it suits him, tell him that he can fuck off for breaking your heart like that. Yet, you don't do any of that, because your heart tells you not to.
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tysm for reading, likes and reblogs are always deeply appreciated
@angellic4l it's finally here bestieee!
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geneviveleocardius Ā· 3 days ago
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ā€˜till death do us part;
how resident evil men react when youā€™re beyond saving
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leon s. kennedy
leon is emotionally driven, and his guilt would prevent him from letting you go, even if you were completely lost. heā€™s the type to keep you alive, convinced he could find a cure someday, no matter how hopeless it might seem.
veredict: leon keeps you, no matter the cost.
ā€œi canā€™t lose you. i wonā€™t. iā€™ll figure it out, just stay with me.ā€
chris redfield
chris is a hardened soldier whoā€™s been through hell and understands the cost of letting emotions dictate his actions. if you were beyond saving, heā€™d take the burden of ending your suffering, even if it destroyed him emotionally.
veredict: chris kills you, out of love and duty.
ā€œiā€™m sorryā€¦ iā€™ll never forget you.ā€
ethan winters
ethan is defined by his stubborn love and refusal to let go of the people he cares about. even if you were entirely lost, heā€™d keep you, believing you were still in there somewhere. heā€™d risk everything for the smallest chance of saving you.
verdict: ethan keeps you, no matter how dangerous or hopeless.
ā€œweā€™ve been through too much for me to give up now.ā€
albert wesker
weskerā€™s love is calculating, but itā€™s still love in his own way. if you were infected, heā€™d see it as a failure on his part to protect you, though heā€™d never admit it outright. instead, heā€™d channel his guilt into trying to ā€œsaveā€ youā€”not by curing you, but by enhancing you to survive the infection. even if you were completely lost, wesker would refuse to kill you, keeping you by his side and rationalizing your condition as an evolution rather than a tragedy.
verdict: wesker keeps you, convinced he can ā€œperfectā€ you.
ā€œyouā€™re not lostā€”youā€™re becoming something greater. iā€™ll ensure you remain by my side, no matter the cost.ā€
carlos oliveira
carlos is compassionate but pragmatic enough to know when thereā€™s no hope. if keeping you meant youā€™d suffer or become a danger, heā€™d take the painful step of ending your life himself. however, heā€™d struggle to forgive himself for it.
verdict: carlos kills you, but it destroys him.
ā€œiā€™ll make it quickā€¦ i love you too much to let you go on like this.ā€
jake muller
jakeā€™s cynicism and survival instincts would make him willing to let go if you became a threat. however, his emotional connection to you might push him to keep you, especially if you werenā€™t actively dangerous. heā€™d rationalize it as being able to protect and fix you, even if it was reckless.
verdict: jake keeps you, though he knows itā€™s risky.
ā€œiā€™ve dealt with worse. youā€™re not going anywhere.ā€
luis serra
luis is a deeply empathetic and guilt-ridden man, shaped by his past mistakes. if you were infected, heā€™d blame himself and obsessively try to save you, using his scientific expertise to search for a cure. however, if it became clear that you were beyond saving, heā€™d struggle immensely with the idea of letting you go. his sentimental nature might push him to keep you around, clinging to the hope that he could eventually fix things, even if it was dangerous.
verdict: luis keeps you, driven by guilt and love.
ā€œiā€™ve made too many mistakes in my lifeā€¦ i wonā€™t let losing you be another one. iā€™ll find a way, cariƱo. i promise.ā€
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lemotmo Ā· 2 days ago
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People are once again going off about Ryan being homophobic. Even when Buddie gets together, I know this unfounded claim will continue šŸ™„
Yeah, I have seen a couple of people posting about it and the discourse around it. It seems to be mostly contained over on Twitter though. Or I have really curated my Tumblr well, because I haven't seen anything like it yet. I'm not sure which one it is.
It's a laughable accusation really when you think of it. Ryan is the one who coined the Buddie name for the ship. How many times does he have to say in an interview that he wouldn't mind the story going into the Buddie direction? How many times does he have to say that it's important to support your loved ones when they come out to you, like Eddie supported Buck when he came out? The man talked about reading Buddie fanfiction and watching Buddie edits for crying out loud. He even reposted some Buddie stuff on his Instagram.
Anyway, I have accepted that some people will never give up making the guy into some kind of villian. Mind you, he isn't a saint, but neither are any of the other actors. They're all just people, like us. We've all made some dumb mistakes in life we wish we hadn't. But that's all a part of the journey of life.
Obviously I don't know the guy. None of us do. What we know about him is all very superficial stuff, but that's okay. I like Ryan and I'd love to get the chance to chat with him one day, but I admit that I'm mostly here for Eddie Diaz and what he has going on in his life. So I'm mainly invested in Ryan's bts or 911 interviews. I'm not as invested in anything he does outside of 911.
Look, it comes down to this: if people can't look past other people's mistakes after they have done everything in their power to apologize and show them they are trying to do better? If they can't move on after they have clearly been forgiven by the people that actually know them and love them best in life? Then that's on them.
So I don't care anymore. I just block the instigators that spread nonsense like that and move on. There is nothing to be gained by engaging these people. They already have their mind made up and nothing I or anyone can say will change their opinion of Ryan. I refuse to add fuel to the discourse. It only makes the discourse more widespread and problematic.
So let's all agree to do just that: ignore, block and move on. It will make everyone's fandom experience a lot more fun, I can guarantee you that.
I'm pretty sure that is exactly what Ryan does as well by the way. Him and Oliver are very similar in that regard. They just do what makes them happy, don't share too much about themselves and live their lives, ignoring all the social media shit. Combine that with a job they both seem to love? Yeah--
Good for them.
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more-than-a-princess Ā· 2 days ago
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Ah, he seemed to misunderstand, Sonia thought as she smiled. An honest mistake, but one she should probably explain before he met the rest of the family. They likely wouldn't find it quite as amusing as she did. "The bias against America is primarily due to the fact that your country rejected monarchy," She replied with a shake of her head. "Not necessarily safety: despite America's deep love of firearms, every able-bodied and able-minded Novosonian is trained how to operate them for military duty, so they are less fearful of Americans in that regard. Your right-wing conservatives are much more vocal than ours, though, but I imagine some of the restrictions on royalty that trickle down to the rest of the aristocracy might please people with those values anyway."
But she seemed to misunderstand as well, and while Wylan's was an easy mistake to make, hers wasn't. Sonia knew, to some degree, what his life's work entailed and that he didn't likely take holidays off for fun: he likely couldn't afford to, for the very same reason she guessed was behind her staff's own worries. Safety concerns. Sonia briefly wondered how many people were currently out for his blood, if they could identify him and track him down, and she shivered. At least she could write it off as the weather's responsibility.
"Sorry, I should have realized you would be traveling there for...erm, work," Sonia apologized. She hadn't meant to stress that particular word but it just slipped out, a casual admittance of her worries for him. About so many things: keeping him alive was only one of them. It would be a test to see who was more risky to his health: his past employers or enemies, or her own family.
Thankfully he changed the subject to something else, anything else. "Rock climbing walls? Like in The Princess Diaries?" She piped up before turning pink in embarrassment. "It is not my usual film choice but, when my floormates heard during my first year of Uni that I hadn't seen those films, they insisted that needed to be rectified. As an actual princess with a certain disdain for the Disneyfied versions, they were not too terrible." The second one in particular was resonant: a Royal Council's obsession with finding the crown princess a husband as God forbid she try to reign alone.
A topic a little too close to home, and therefore Sonia would do what she always did during times of anxiety: briefly chew at her mouth before diverting the conversation elsewhere.
"Well, if it is anything like the film then I trust you," She assured him, "But as I remember last night with some amount of clarity, watching my ass means you will have to give my thighs a respite. It may prove too taxing to keep both areas of my body in your sights at the same time."
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If he was going to start with banter, she'd be sure to have the last word. At least, that was her intention by purposely reminding him of what her ass was attached to. "I am not sure that the Galeries Lafayette sells pet and pet care items," She admitted as they began to descend the stairs back into the department store proper. "Barring something from Louis Vuitton or Gucci. Does a luxury designer leash and collar have the same effect?" In short, nothing cheap.
Then again, nothing in the grand department store composed of three different buildings in one was cheap. Something Wylan would have to get used to. Something Sonia quietly hoped he never did. They re-entered the men's building and while he entrusted her to pick out something she wanted to see him in, what Sonia really wanted for him was for him to not lose himself in it all. The wealth. The pomp. The familial pressure to acclimate and perform in the manner of tradition he hadn't been indoctrinated into since the day of his birth, like the other peers he would soon be surrounded by. They'd have a leg up on him in every possible way, save two.
The ability to take a life, and the ability to keep her heart.
"You'll need a good coat, especially for the current season," She began. Perhaps best to start with outerwear and work her way in. Or under, she thought briefly as she blushed at the idea of picking out undergarments for him. Hopefully he could handle that himself. "Truth be told, I am often just given clothes to wear and do not often have the luxury to choose anything I wish. And um...I am rather more used to undressing men rather than dressing them. So this is a first for me, really: But I shall do my best. Even though I would love you even if you just wearing a paper bag, Wylan."
Something that could be interpreted as another challenge, Sonia thought as she guessed at his sizes, pulling out a deep gray wool overcoat, two blazers, three pairs of trousers and a pair of jeans, five button down shirts, and two pullover sweaters. Besides the gray, she'd mostly chosen shades of dark blue, navy, and green: they coordinated with or matched his eyes, as well as the usual colors the family wore. Accessories, shoes, sportswear, and sleepwear were whole other categories that needed their own focus and devotion.
"Perhaps try these on for the sizing and feel," She suggested once several workers arranged them all in a dressing room. "I should've asked, I suppose, if wool irritates you. I think you might appreciate it, alongside the cotton and silk blends, for this part of the world at this time of year. I cannot imagine that Las Vegas is conducive to cold winters at all.
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"Too much of a security risk? With how you guys talk about America I thought that'd be a bigger deal. I think a social media guy just rented out space, you gotta have more power than him." A strange circumstance, almost jarring enough to brush past the slew of questions she'd thrown at him all the while disregarding his totally cool attempt at a flirt. "And no, I didn't climb the pyramids or go in them or any of that. It was a... different kind of trip. Don't even worry about it. Besides my point anyway." Hand flickers in the air. The whole tangent a dizzying one. But then, this was Sonia, wasn't it?
His arms cross gently with the coffee, considering the other alternatives. Considering actually climbing the Great Pyramid. Or just a pyramid. There was one in Vegas. Much less plausible of course. Zero blind spots and they had helicopters all over the damn place. Better to just see it. Alas.
"So. Failing that critical building block of upbringing. We start you on rock climbing walls. That's safe. Good for working out. I help you learn. Spend the day watching your ass while holding your rope. Practice for plenty of other things, right?" As the double entendre built up in his once-honest banter, he couldn't help but smile deeper. She seemed intent on seeing him make a fool of himself, he was intent on seeing her embrace some of the fool in herself.
Nobody else was going to do that, after all. Or not productively. Maybe one of the cousins? She seemed to take them far less seriously than he- however.
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"Heheheh. This will be your turn to hold the rope, though. Taking me clothes shopping. See what all you want me to wear. Oh. Careful we don't pass a shop with pet stuff." Otherwise he will add a leash and collar to the basket. And Sonia will not survive the conversation about the 'pet' they're buying it for. One last swig of his drink before he finds somewhere to drop it, pulling Sonia by the hand with the ever present grin before descending back into the shopping area. A final glance to the tower before they dropped.
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dozing-marshmallow Ā· 2 days ago
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HENRY HOTLINE X OPTIMISTIC! READER ONE SHOT
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ā€œOh hello Henry!ā€ you waved,ā€œIā€™m doing some origami, would you like to join me?ā€
ā€œNo.ā€ yet he still watched over your hands,ā€œWhat is this anyway?ā€
ā€œOh! Itā€™s the art of paper folding that originated in Japan and there are so many shapes you can do!ā€ you explained, putting down the one you were working on to proudly hold up a few that youā€™ve done recently,ā€œThis one is a star, and I made this duck and these rabbits a couple of days ago.ā€ you showcased, now going back to work on the current one, though on the next step, it came out irreversibly wrong.
ā€œAh, looks like I messed up a step there. I guess Iā€™ll have to restart.ā€ you admitted, scrunching up the paper and discarding it in the bin.
ā€œToo bad you wonā€™t have that option next season.ā€ Henry was very encouraging.
ā€œI know, thatā€™s why Iā€™m going to try make all the mistakes I can.ā€ you agreed, grabbing a new piece of A4 paper,ā€œThough every time I do these things, I always think this is the one.ā€œ
ā€œSo you purposely set yourself up for such high standards? It must be so devastating when things take a turn away from them.ā€ he assumed pessimistically.
ā€œNot at all. Life goes on and so do I.ā€ you folded diagonal triangles on each side of the paper and unfolded so the dents were perpendicular.
ā€œNot for long.ā€
ā€œAnd thatā€™s what makes it more important!ā€ you chirped, folding smaller triangles,ā€œI really thought being in here would crush my spirits. Iā€™m not happy about having grown used to seeing dead people on display, but I guess thatā€™s all part of the motivation. The inflated possibility of death facing me everyday, it...it forces you to acknowledge the delicacy of life. You think youā€™ll be here long, but no, anything can happen.ā€ more triangles in the centre,ā€œWe take for granted even being able to feel.ā€
In his disagreement, Henry prompted you,ā€œAnd what if the feeling was agonising?ā€
You repeated the steps on the other side of the paper, not taking your eyes off,ā€Every day is a day worth making to. If we really had everything we wanted by the snap of our fingers, would the point of living really exist?ā€
ā€œYou sound like a cartoon.ā€ Henry sneered, grabbing one of the rabbit origami you made and squeezed it in his fist,ā€œAnd I hate cartoons.ā€
You saw what he did, but werenā€™t offended. You could always make another,ā€œThatā€™s okay too. We canā€™t please everyone, can we?ā€
Henry stuttered at your response,ā€œHow do you find it in you to still be so untroubled?ā€
You thought for a moment. The minds of human beings were inclined to stay in the bad, mysteriously needing more good to cancel out one bad,ā€œI might have trained myself to. No matter my failures, rejection, I...just think oh well. Thatā€™s that. Itā€™s not in my control to worry about. My responsibility is to focus and move on, do better next time. Even if things donā€™t improve immediately, the fact I take action, is still progress. If I give up now, Iā€™ll truly guarantee nothing.ā€
ā€œThe only thing youā€™ve guaranteed is death.ā€ sneering, the ruined work in his hand now descended back to the table.
A chuckle falls under your breath,ā€œIt may seem that way. Focusing and mourning about mistakes, failures of the past, wonā€™t do anything for me. Yeah, a lot of the past influences my present, but it doesnā€™t mean itā€™ll influence my future.ā€ you hummed thoughtfully up to him,ā€œThereā€™s this saying that goes, the temptation to give up is usually right before success.ā€
ā€œThen Iā€™m assuming you either never had the strong temptation...ā€ he began, now looking into your eyes,ā€œOr youā€™re simply in the rare unusual.ā€
ā€œWhoā€™s to say? How much do your dreams mean to you if you gave up at a few setbacks?ā€ you asked, smiling at your progress, adjusting the shape,ā€œWoohoo! Thatā€™s the second box done!ā€
Henry paused,ā€œI forgot we were discussing this filth.ā€
You frowned,ā€œYouā€™re free to go, you know.ā€ 
ā€œI am, but itā€™s been so long since I could talk to a contestant, let alone a winner, and  they like doing this.ā€ he pointed a sharp finger at the table like it really was unbelievable.
You grabbed the other paper box,ā€œAnd so what? I could believe the sky is purple and the moon really is made of cheese, does it do anything to you? Does it hurt you or anyone else?ā€
His wired neck yanked his head back,ā€œIt hurts to watch.ā€
You put the ends of the long rectangular paper through the gaps on top of both of the boxes,ā€œThen that just means you havenā€™t learnt to appreciate having fun for yourself. When you do, you would find that comments like that donā€™t mean much.ā€ you replied, rotating the origami from all angles before throwing a fist of victory in the air,ā€œThere! I finally finished. You can have this one, Henry.ā€
He caught it when you tossed it and he examined it.
ā€œFrom what Iā€™ve heard, origami is typically given as a gift of healing and hope since a plain piece of paper can transform into something beautiful.ā€ you grabbed a new piece of paper, planning on recreating the rabbit one,ā€At this rate, Iā€™m not sure if Iā€™ll see the day where I reach that, but Iā€™m happy I got to do something.ā€ you grabbed a new piece of paper, planning on recreating the rabbit one,ā€œYou can destroy that one if you want,ā€ yet he shoved it in his interior pocket.
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sugudoe Ā· 4 months ago
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ā˜•ļøāŒ‡ ā—œ OFFICE HOURS ā—ž ā €ā €ā €
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ā•°ā €boss!nanami x secretary!reader where . . . nanami kento canā€™t let people know the reality that he, under no circumstances, belongs to them. in fact, is quite the contrarie. everyone in this job is a puppet willingly letting him pull the strings. you more than anyone. after committing the bizarre mistake of telling nanami your true intentions with him, your boss is more than eager to comply your desires and just maybe, forget he first input of no belongings.
cw. too much swearing, fingering with others present (not caught), fem!reader, reader keeps daydreaming w. nanami, slightly age gap but non-important all legal, public sex, overstimulation, they both keep failing to hide, possessiveness, love bites, he slap her thigh once, bit of blood because of self lip biting 4.9k words, english is not my first language.
an. hi, hello, i want everyone to know iā€™m this man wife. this is, in fact, our love story, i used to serve his coffee, now iā€™m serving my pussā€” anyways, enjoy it. FYI nanami smells like either tom ford tobacco vanille or byredo bibliothĆØque.
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There are certain events in the workplace ā”€ā”€ a sequence, if you may ā”€ā”€ that serves as a warning to everyone that Mr. Nanami Kento has arrived.
Not many months ago, you were clueless to the symphony of presentation he had, even before stepping into the room. Now, though, itā€™s engraved in your mind. Much like he is. It is, also, a dirty secret to have that you eagerly wait for it, everyday.
Halting the tack-tack of your fingers on the keyboard, your ears pick the first signal ā”€ā”€ rushed footsteps. All opening space so he can pass without the need to raise his eyes, hidden by sunglasses, from his cellphone. The second is the whispers and swooning. Some, more brave than others, compliment him out loud. Always about his peculiar ties, and always he smiles back. Lastly, when Nanami is in your sight of view, he is accompanied by his signature scent that greets you before he even does.
The most raw way to describe his smell is by saying that you wish you could crack him open, and lay inside of him forever. Itā€™s comfortable and addicting and it makes you want to kiss him until it can permanently fixates on you.
In more proper synonyms, Nanami Kento smells like caramel, wood and a bit smokey. He is hot to the touch, one can admit. You donā€™t fall far from these thoughts, but sometimes, when you are not eye-fucking your boss, you think he smells like a cozy cabin in the woods.
Perfect place to fuck him, though.
Is easy to imagine such a thing. You can picture him with thick sweat covering his body, like a second layer, as he comes inside with a hatchet and wood for the fireplace. And you can, also easily, imagine yourself on your knees sucking him so good, as way to thank him for keeping you warm.
Itā€™s a Kento effect. Everywhere he passes, people tend to have a heat stroke. You are no better than the others. Probably worse. He, however, does not need to know that. Nanamiā€™s plate is already filled to the brims with people gazing him as a snack, he doesnā€™t need his personal assistant to do the same.
Not in front of him, anyways.
So, when he comes near your table, and stop to take whatever you have for him (work related, honey, even when you wish it was your pussy), you present the calls he need to answer with a compliment for his shoes and a black coffee with pretzels.
He adores you.
You want to fuck him senseless.
A perfect imperfect balance of clashing feelings. His are professional, yours are not even close. He only steps over the boundaries when itā€™s to call you ā€œDarlingā€ and you only do so in your head, when you think of laying on his table and letting him feast on your dripping cunt.
He is gentle and caring.
You wouldnā€™t mind chanting his name loud enough for everyone to understand whatā€™s happening.
He departs ways and you share a trembling sigh with your inner turmoil of emotions. He makes you have a constant fever. In fact, with him, everything is constant. You want to fuck him everyday, you touch yourself with his voice in your mind guiding you. He gets pretty out of character in your alone mind, though.
Real Nanami is a sweetheart. Your Nanami would make you cry while on his cock.
ā€œā”€ā”€ and the meeting room needs to be ready by eleven, you can do all that, darling?ā€ He asks. He asks! He is talking with you.
ā€œI, uh, Iā€™m sorry, Mr. Kento,ā€ You stutter before shifting your attention from your computer screen to his charming understandable smile. ā€œcould you repeat, please?ā€
ā€œSure, darling.ā€
You need to put extra neurons to work when eyeing his pink lips moving gracefully. Is it the same shade as his cock? Oh, you hoped so. That would be your favorite color, would paint your nails, your hair, anything.
ā€œGot it now?ā€ Nanami curls his lips as he question you. You canā€™t lie to him, so you sign that No, you did not payed attention. He chuckles and comes closer, resting both hands in fist on your table, letting himself down so he can be face to face with you. ā€œI need you to order mine, yours and the lunch for the usual gentleman I talk about the finances, ā”€ā”€ you have that noted, right?ā€ You nod, and he proceeds. ā€œThen, I want you to decorate the meeting room, the way you always do.ā€ You nod again, and he moves back. You want to whine. ā€œGood girl.ā€
Pause.
Thatā€™s new. Itā€™s like achieving a new item in a game. A new level. Thatā€™s a prize, the greatest form of enlightenment one could have. You feel warm in your chest and cheeks, but dare not to sway your eyes from his twinkling ones. You wonder if he knows what you are thinking, or if he knows the power he has over you ā”€ā”€ over everyone.
Thatā€™s Nanami Kento. The man with a dazzling aura, it touches all in proximity, no one survives him. If he wants, you are his. Hooked like a worm, willingly ready to be devoured by a fish, and the thing is no one knows if Nanami is said fish or the fisherman.
The secret about his success is not only the sweet talk he does, but the way he can easily take it away. And no one wants to be away from his warmth. Youā€™ve seen it before, how he controls people ā”€ā”€ some more powerful than your mind can comprehend, they all are puppets for him to pull the strings. He touches and praises them when they do what he wants, but Nanami grows cold and absent when they donā€™t.
Everyone wants to be loved by him, so everything this enterprise does, it revolves around Nanami.
He can be a scary man when he wants, and youā€™ve heard the tales, from time to time. With you, fortunately, he is just your nice boss. And a part of you wish he would cradle you into his arms and play with you like a marionete. His doll. Yeah, you want to be his fucking doll.
Tempted to ruin this lunch and be ravished by his famine, you shake your deranged thoughts and focus on ordering the food. Also asking for red velvet cookies for you and Mr. Gojo, the owner of this whole enterprise.
A cocky young man, that likes to devour your physique whenever you come inside the room. He is rich and beautiful and his name is always on the newspaper with gossip mostly involved. You could fall for him, could fuck him, but he is not Nanami.
He doesnā€™t boss you around gently, nor he makes you crave his scent on lonely nights. He makes you shy, but not timid and horny. In fact, you donā€™t even think about Satoru Gojo unless you are balancing his persona with Nanamiā€™s. Thatā€™s sad for him.
You keep doing that ā”€ā”€ the thoughts, the sexual dreams ā”€ā”€ while preparing the meeting room with a charming decoration. Black glasses, black plates, all with golden details. Satoru Gojo himself payed for it, not that he knows or care. You commented once, Nanami liked, and moved his toys in favor of buying the expensive kitchen utensils you wanted. He even made sure to get some for your own house.
The last part is closing the thick black curtains around the room, for privacy. Someone comes inside the second you step back from the last tapestry, and when you turn, Nanami is there.
ā€œHowā€™s everything?ā€ His fingers press on the table, moving swiftly with him, closer to you. ā€œYouā€™ve got cookies?ā€ There is amusement in his question.
ā€œMr. Gojoā€™s secretary, Suguru, told me he was craving something sweet.ā€ You turn back to the table behind you, stacking the sweet in a small mountain. ā€œHe always gets fussy if he doesnā€™t get his daily large intake of sugar.ā€
You grabbed one, knowing that half of it was rightfully yours, and twisted on your heels. Nanami scared you in two sequential situations after that. The first being his looming presence right in front of you, piercing gaze on you, shifting between your eyes. He was searching for something in it, so, you tried the hardest you could to give him something back. Eyes that said ā€œplease, fuck me.ā€
Maybe it worked. The next thing he did, that scared you, was bending down and biting your cookie. Eyes never leaving yours. You gulped, he smirked.
ā€œPlease, fuck me.ā€
He chocked.
See, your eyes were supposed to be the one speaking for you, but Nanami also has this super power that no one can lie to him. He wants something, he gets it delivered in a silver plate. He knows everyoneā€™s secret, and yours were never safe, just happened to be hidden in a line of things that werenā€™t priority for him. Not until now, at least. He wanted to know what you were hiding, and you gave it to him.
ā€œI ā”€ā”€ā€ The words are struck behind your teeth. Nanami eagerly waits for them. ā€œIā€™m so sorry.ā€
And with that, you leave him.
In a perfect world, he would have grabbed you by the wrists and fucked you against Satoruā€™s side of the table. But itā€™s not, because he lets you go. He has to let you go, even if you know thatā€™s not the end of it. He will get you later, and like a little kid in science class, he will dissect everything you said. Therefore, during the thirty minutes of freedom you are granted in the bathroom, before the meeting starts, you try and fail and try and fail to conceal your thoughts into a perfect lie.
It doesnā€™t work. Not even a bit. Because Nanami knows you like the back of his hand, as much as he knows everyone that works with him. He knows when you lie and when you are truthful, and thanks to that, your work relationship had always been good ā”€ā”€ youā€™ve never lied to him to stroke his ego. You were too busy wanting to stroke something else. Nanami let you slide your nasty comments about others, and he would share them, granting you some of their secrets.
He was a gossiper. He knew everything. You knew right there that lying would never work with him, so you just avoided to let him reach that horny part of yours that burned for him. Give him something else to sink his attention into. Your neck, you wanted, but rather you would feed him with gossips from your college classes, or what you got from Suguru Geto, your friend and Satoruā€™s assistant.
Now, you had already run out of distractions. Maybe that was his plan all along. If the world is correct, and it all falls down to Nanamiā€™s desires, then maybe he was just waiting for you to crumble and admit. You had never been subtle with your eyes, anyway. Thatā€™s why he had been so fascinated about it, staring from time to time, trying to catch a glimpse of your true self, like a wishing star in a starry night.
The stars have gone dark, burned and busted away, when you come back to the meeting room and sit down on your designed chair, by his side. Nanami is focusing at you, again, like he needs more of your secrets at this moment. You have never gave him something so largue before, he is addicted.
But you, stubborn, appalled, stoic and all, think your plate of pasta is the most interesting thing in this whole world. You donā€™t eat much, because your throat is filled with all the words and screams you want to let out. You fear if you so much breathe loud, it will all come flooding this room.
ā€œAre you annotating all of this in your head?ā€ Nanami whispers in your ear, referring to the meeting now in progress. You sign no, and he sighs. ā€œYour mind is far away, today.ā€
ā€œSorry.ā€
ā€œWhat should I do with you?ā€
Someone coughs. An old man, standing by the edge of the table. He wants Nanamiā€™s eyes on him, the praise, the goodness. Kento grants him half a smile, and that is not enough. Never will be. Everyone always wants more.
The lights are turned off when the projector is brought by Suguru, he comes and goes quickly, not before stealing a cookie from Satoru. Thatā€™s the first smile you present since the incident, and Nanami is back at staring at you with an intensity your heart fears but your pussy drips for. Are you scared? Petrified. And still, you are fucking horny.
He knows your secret, he is devoting his eyes to you, no matter what anyone else wants. He, in this moment, wants you. It might be because he needs to know what you meant, it might be because you are stroking his ego, finally. Or, you dare wonder, he is debating throwing you on that table and fucking you. Old men and Satoru aside, you wouldnā€™t mind. At all.
You take courage to look at him, and instantly you stare at his lips first, before his eyes. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me. You go back at eyeing the projector. He does the same a long beat later. An even longer one, he slowly puts his hand on your exposed thigh, skirt raised since you set down.
You try to not fail in your stoic face, but you do so anyway. Because, for fuckā€™s sake, Nanami Kento has his hands on your thigh, his thumb in circular movements. Your lips instinctively curl up, he snorts by your side before going back to his serious demeanor.
You thought he would just keep his hands there, as if testing the water but deciding to stay near the shore. Thatā€™s not his case, though. Nanami loves to go to the beach, to swim far away beyond the waves, he likes to get damped. His hand move closer, and you open your legs absentmindedly. He wants, you give. As much as you have wanted, and now he is giving you.
When his hands are pressing against your lacy underwear, you hear a little ā€œFuckā€ coming from his mouth. Youā€™re soaking wet.
Itā€™s hard to keep your breathing pattern steady when he is near you. Even more harder when he has one finger slowly penetrating you. For the outsider viewer, everything is normal, and the two of you are just concentrated on the projector screen. The truth is you have no idea whatā€™s going on, and maybe neither does him. You want to moan, and tug his hair until he groans. And you want him to replace his finger with his cock. You stare at the annotation book, empty of your handwriting, and use the opportunity of your head down to hang your mouth open and close your eyes.
Nanami shifts his eyes to you, and he drowns himself into your fucked gaze, even more so when he puts another finger. He canā€™t linger much, or others will notice, so he decides to keep his movements fluid and calm, and to stare at you from time to time.
He can multitask. Of-fucking-course. He asks questions, answers, he acts as if he is one hundred percent into whatever is going on. The reality is different. The truth is all about his curling fingers pressing themselves in a place inside you that will forever mark his presence there. Like a secret plaything only for him, no one, not even you, will ever reach that. Itā€™s like he is signing it with either his name only or a ā€œNanami was here.ā€
You want him to stay, forever. Stay inside you, slow pacing, curling, sensitive.
He canā€™t, because what feels like hours later, turns into minutes. Everyone is raising up to leave, and he moves out of you so fast, you clench around nothing ā”€ā”€ had you been quicker, grabbed his fingers, they all would know. You donā€™t give a fuck, you want them too know.
ā€œGo to my office.ā€ He whispers before going the opposite direction of the exit, and staying back to talk with the others. You walk without a goodbye, creating an excuse when Satoru wants some of your time.
Inside his office, you feel like breathing for the first time. Itā€™s confusing, like your lungs are new and not fully connected to your esophagus, so it comes up weird ā”€ā”€ in a mixture of laugh and relief, salted with a ā€œwhat the actual fuckā€.
You want to stop and think of whatā€™s happening or whatā€™s to happen, but you never had the chance. Itā€™s a second later, and you are being pressed against his, now, locked door. His arms holding your hips, his head resting on your neck, sulking your scent much like you do with his.
ā€œYou meant it, right?ā€ He asks, bringing his face up to yours. ā€œYou want me to fuck you. Please, darling, say you do, because I need to fuck you now, or Iā€™ll go crazy.ā€
ā€œYes, please, please.ā€ Midway through your desperate nod, Nanami lunged at you, catching your lips in his and conducting the rhythm, the strength.
He was so, so good. In all ways. His slow fingers had your legs shaking and his eager kiss has your mind fogged. All that he does seems to be professional, but you know deep down, this effect is all because is made by him. Just his presence alone could have you hot and bothered, but to actually be touched by him, itā€™s like adding the fire to your gasoline self.
You had always been meant to be burned by Nanami.
He hoist you up against the door, for a quick second his hands kept clawing your thighs, until he walked you both to his desk. He let you down on it, and at the same time, his kisses moved to your neck and shoulder. You could feel the scrape of his teeth, tempted to mark you with a significant bite ā”€ā”€ tell them Iā€™m yours, you thought.
He groaned against your flustered skin, because he knew he couldnā€™t do that. Mark you, thatā€™s it. Fuck you? Oh, that he can, that he will do.
ā€œI need you to be really quiet for me.ā€ His hands are quick on his belt, dropping it with a thud against the floor. He raises your skirt to your waist, Nanami grumbled under his breath with the sight of your underwear. He had touched the elaborate details earlier, but to see it was another story. White, see through, a pink ribbon on the top. ā€œIā€™m going to rip it.ā€
ā€œNo, youā€™re not!ā€ Raising your leg, you pushed him away. Eyes still hypnotized by your clothed cunt. You removed the piece with a satisfied smirk. It had been months since you started to wear those type of under-wears, hoping one day this situation would come.
No one wants to fuck their sexy boss with grannyā€™s pants.
The cold table coming in contact with your intimacy made you moan a bit, and Nanamiā€™s attention was back on you. There you were, beautifully waiting for him. Fuck-me eyes, pleading mouth, hands gripping the edge of the desk. You were at his mercy, had been for a while now. And he? Well, Nanami was yours now, thatā€™s what matter.
One of his fingers, the same one he had penetrated you earlier, came back inside you. Smearing itself with your wetness. His other hand gripped your hips, bringing you closer, and making him go deeper. There, right fucking there. He curled, and thrusted, and another two more out of nowhere.
Cruelty was not on the way he was ravishing your cunt, but the biting of your teeth on your hand. You have to be quiet, follow his orders, but Nanami seemed to want to make you scream. Let everyone know that he is fucking you. Nearly fucking you.
Combining this movements with the ones of earlier, you feel your insides getting tighter. He senses as well, and raises his peace once more. But, again, your legs push him away. Nanami doesnā€™t like that, he comes back quick, wet fingers anxious to reclaim their place inside you, but you sign no, and he halts. Thatā€™s it. The man that controls everyone, and he is at your mercy.
ā€œI want to cum on your cock.ā€ Maybe is the sweet and diabolical way you say, or the tilting of your head with a charming smile. What matters is, he complies right away. His pants fall, he takes off his blazer, and not a second later you are presented with what youā€™ve been craving for months.
Like a pregnant lady, you almost cry and fall on your knees, finally having your desire attended. He doesnā€™t want that either, instead Nanami takes a condom from his wallet. Before he puts it, his waiting fingers touch your cunt again, grabbing a bit of your liquid and smearing it on himself. You nearly ask him to throw the condom away.
Is a sinful sight. All of this. You on the desk, legs wide open. He in front of you, adjusting himself on the condom. Both groaning when he, fucking finally, align with your entrance, and slowly gets in. He is largue, and thick, and preparation might have been necessary had you not been daydreaming of this moments months ago.
Had he not been himself, that man that makes you drip with just a ā€œgood morningā€, this might have hurt. Instead, itā€™s exhilarating to be parted by his cock. The condom does not stop you from feeling his veins tickling your walls, or his tip finally setting near your cervix. That was fucking new. Pleasant and scary, and fucking welcome as well.
ā€œSay it again,ā€ He asks, hands on both your hips and eyes looking over yours. Waiting for the stars to fall over the two of you. ā€œtell me to fuck you.ā€
ā€œFuck mā”€ā”€ā€ He doesnā€™t wait for you to end before he removes himself, and going back with a gushing sound. You nearly scream out of pleasure, but in the last second, you bite your lips strong enough to draw some blood. ā€œMmh, you fucking a-asshole.ā€ He snorts at that, before slapping your thigh.
Seems that Nanami can do all the noises he wants. He groans against your skin, head hanging low to stare at the way you pussy suck his dick in and out. You have always been a good girl ā”€ā”€ his good girl. Taking all the he gave you. Mostly work related, and now his cock. You truly were made just for him.
ā€œYou feel so fucking good, baby.ā€ A moan scapes your hands, and he doesnā€™t bother spanking your leg again. He called you baby, and youā€™re strangling his dick perfectly. You can shout at this point, he is pussy fucked.
Removing your hands from your mouth, you decide to do something much better than guarding your pleasure. Instead, you open his button-up blue shirt. A dream come through, is what this day will be remembered as. Specially now, where he lets you do as you pleases, and you have the sight of his pecks ā”€ā”€ bronzed from a beach trip he took last week, and glistening with sweat for your recent activities. You moaned again, before going for it, and marking him.
Nanami allowed you to do so. He only cared about holding your hips and raise your lower body, so he could make you meet his thrusts halfway. He didnā€™t hold a care in the world about his groaning getting louder, or the burning on his neck and chest caused by your eager mouth and teeth. Fuck that. Fuck everyone. The only thing he truly wanted was to be inside of you forever. To be planted in this moment of his life, on loop, being marked by you, having his cock milked out by your dripping cunt. Thatā€™s what his life was made for.
Nanami Kento had this aura that made everyone scramble for him and his left-overs, as a way to keep close. To say they have something that once was his. Because everyone knew that Nanami was no oneā€™s property. This moment, this fuck, this pussy proved that statement to be contraire ā”€ā”€ he was yours. From the first day he saw you and specially one hour ago, when he had eaten your cookie and you told him to fuck you. He knew right then that he would shift the whole balance of the world to give you what you want.
And if thatā€™s his aching cock, fucking be it. Itā€™s yours. Youā€™re taking it so good, and barely paying attention to it. He keeps bruising your cervix, and you respond with little whimpers and more bites. He quicken his peace, you close your legs around his waist, as if giving him more opening.
A perfect synchrony.
ā€œWanā€™ to cum.ā€ You mumble just right after he senses your wall get tight.
ā€œCā€™mon, baby, ugh, cum fā€™me.ā€
ā€œMmh, fuck, ngha.ā€
You do right after, going limp on his arms, he slow his thrusting with a snort and laying you down on the desk. He shuffles something by your dazed-self side, before he brings a black sharpie near your cleavage. He kisses and licks and sucks on it, before opening the pen with his mouth, and signing a straight line.
ā€œHow many more can you give me, pretty?ā€ You donā€™t answer in words, but with more quiet whimpers, when his thrusts go back to pounding you in a maniac pace. He holds your neck down, leaning to kiss you through your beautiful moans.
Youā€™re sensitive, he knows. Because you keep closing more and more around his length, trying to make him cum, unknown to you that it only makes you closer to coming again. You hit your head on the desk when trying to follow his departed lips, Nanami has your neck again on his mouth, tasting your sweat and lotion, and all you can give him. Itā€™s only when he bites it slightly, you release yourself once more.
ā€œMmph, fuck, fuck, argh.ā€
Nanami keeps jerking his hips onto yours, not even having cum once. He takes pleasure in yours, you can see. With a proud smirk, he grabs the sharpie once more, but this time, he makes a diagonal line that touches the top of the first.
ā€œMhmā”€ā”€!ā€
ā€œYeah, yeah, I know, baby. Just a bit more.ā€ He cooed at you, sweet tone diverging from his animalistic movements.
Youā€™re not complaining, not even regretting. So you keep yourself down and let Nanami control both of yours fun. He is ruthless in his pace and fantastic with his kisses, he doesnā€™t mind your moaning anymore, or the fact that everyone on your floor already knows. What can they do? Stop you? Nanami will rip everyone apart and just return to your pussy. Threaten him? No one would dare. He is still their sweetheart, their most sacred prize, beautiful and shinning to look at. Never to have.
ā€œIā€™m, ugh, Iā€™m yours.ā€ He grunts.
This time, you sense a shift in his thrusts. So methodical now sloppy, and his cock kept twitching inside of you, sending more waves of pleasure to your core. Yes, fucking finally, he was near.
ā€œAll fucking mā”€ā”€mine.ā€ You agreed with his words, grabbing the back of his neck and slamming your lips together. ā€œIā€™m yours, always had been.ā€
Nanami canā€™t even control himself anymore. He groans and pants as he releases himself inside you. With a mist of swearing and praises you could barely decipher. After all, his own release had triggered yours.
When you both had come back from the high, Nanami raised himself from your chest, and kissed you, tongues intertwining, teeth clashing and biting. When he parted, leaving you breathless, he had then pen in his hand again. It touched your skin, once more, connecting from the bottom of his last line, going up straight.
Itā€™s a ā€œNā€.
ā€œYou think we can spell my name?ā€ He asks, leaving your inside to throw his condom out. He opens a drawer, where a box with more is presented.
ā€œThat would be more 17 fucks.ā€ You support your weight on your elbows while counting.
ā€œItā€™s that a no?ā€
You canā€™t help the laugh that bubbles up your throat, before beckoning him closer. He does right away, kissing you hungrily once more. As if he is trying to record forever the taste of your mouth. He has your hair in his fists, pushing it back so he can go back to your, now, heavily marked neck.
ā€œLetā€™s see how far can we go.ā€ You indulge into his crazy erotic idea.
Nanami smiles triumphantly. He removes himself from your body, but doesnā€™t put condoms, instead, he falls on his knees, diving straight for your pussy.
Hours later, the sun beginning to set on the horizon, you leave his locked office with a smug smirk and timid eyes. Both accompanied by messy hair, flushed cheeks, marked neck andā€¦ ā€œNanaā€ written on your chest.
ā€œWeā€™ll finish this later.ā€ He comes behind you, closing his shirt, but letting the top buttons opened enough to catch a glimpse of your love marks on his chest. Specially the one with ā€œMineā€ marked in it.
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rosesnbooks Ā· 6 months ago
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Astrology observations #5šŸ–¤
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šŸŒœI wrote these for fun, based on how i see these placements. i'm not a professional! hope you enjoy thesešŸŒ›
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ā­cancer placements allow themselves to feel their emotions. they may get annoyed by the intensity or the amount of them, but they process them fully, and this makes it easier for them to move on. random thought but writing letters to people they like may be something they do or did as kids haha. they're very romantic
ā­some aries venuses have obsessive tendencies when they have a crush, and they get frustrated a lot if they think they can't/shouldn't pursue them. they enjoy the tension, but they don't want it to last too long because they dislike not being in control, and having feelings for someone leaves them feeling too vulnerable. that's why they try to move on if they can, but it takes work. when they do find someone, they become really clingy but they still need freedom when it suits them
ā­mars in libra avoid conflicts and try to be reasonable about everything, but if they think you crossed a line, you'll see why aries is their sister sign pretty soon. once they tell you off, you'll never see them the same way, so underrestimate them at your cost
ā­having stelliums can be interesting. it for sure puts a lot of emphasis on the influence of that house on your life, and i found that it can be both positive and negative since they face lots of challenges related to their house but also many blessings. those who have stelliums kind of embody multiple characteristics simultaneously
ā­sun in the 11th people glow when they are with their closest friends. they also tend to dream big and care a lot about the world. their friends usually help them in their future goals. they feel a bit different than people in their hometown/country, mostly because they cannot be tied down to a single culture because they enjoy different things, which usually makes them quite open-minded and tolerant. they can be picky about the people they let in super close though
ā­mars in the 6th can procrastinate a lot actually, but they get things done. may get sudden waves of high energy and get things done rapidly and extensively. they expect a lot from themselves regarding their ambitions and aspirations. they try to improve themselves in any way most of the time, but they should also accept their current state if they want to evolve and love themselves. they need to watch out for their moral perfectionism too. it's okay to make mistakes as long as you apologise and strive to change for the better
ā­i've found that virgo mercuries can be really direct, even if they are shy or don't talk much around strangers or acquaintances, they have their moments. super funny too
ā­north node in cancer struggle with accepting their vulnerable side. they hate feeling like things and people can evoke strong emotions in them. they want to be more detached, but those that work on themselves find it very rewarding once they embrace their strong emotions. they can also be really reliable, practical, and thoughtful
ā­fire+water combinations in birth charts-i am sending you a hug. i know exactly how difficult it is to keep all those emotions under check, and that you need a lot of understanding and rest to function. use those emotions and passions well hun, you are strong and capable. you have a lot of empathy and wonder inside of you
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ā­capricorn sun/mercury have a dry way of texting. their humor is difficult to read via text and they simply are not fans of texting, and it shows lol
ā­aries mercuries are not always available online and they may come and go when they're online, but they'll answer all of your messages one by one with lots of enthusiasm. they also like to send memes and joke around a lot
ā­virgo mercuries are not fans of texting and they can answer you after a couple of days or so even if they really like you. similarly to aries, they'll make sure they answer everything and they also pay attention to every detail you mention. very sweet really. their humor shines brighter in person
ā­taurus moon are very capable. they may prefer rest over anything else, but their patience and dedication to the things they need to do is really cool. they are calm most of the time so it's nice to be around them, just don't disrespect them and everyone will thrive
ā­taurus venus men can be really possessive. even if you like such behavior, some can go to extremes and try to control how you feel, think, and behave. they have a specific image of an ideal partner and they want you to fulfill it
ā­libra venus tend to care about how they look and present themselves so they put lots of effort into that. they also have standards when it comes to beauty and some expect others to dress and look well, whether they know them or not
ā­women with venus in aquarius-you may be attracted to men who are mysterious and act like they're special. just be careful because there are so many toxic ones out there who want a relationship but not truly, because they don't want to dedicate themselves to you and maybe plan on using you
ā­pisces moon can feel like they're drowning in their own emotions sometimes because they cannot control them easily and they tend to give in. if they like to portray themselves as a martyr these emotions can get out of hand because they let those emotions lead them which influences their mental health and relationships. those who are developed process these emotions and try to figure them out and let them pass. they can learn a lot about themselves and others this way. creative outlets can be of help to process this
ā­leo moon need to watch out for hurting people when their ego is hurt because they can lash out and make lots of damage. take a second to think whether it's worth it or not, since there is no point in trying to "win" in a fight with someone you love
ā­pisces mars can be too forgiving, especially to those they care about. don't let people walk over you dear, no matter who they are. nobody deserves that kind of treatment
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thank you for reading!šŸ¤i also offer paid astrology readings, so check out my blog for more info
Ā©rosesnbooks
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heartandbow Ā· 4 days ago
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Midnight Blue
BUCKY BARNES X FEM!READER SMUT
summary: Bucky hated you in many different ways, and tonight was no exception. tw; smut, choking, dom!bucky.
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Despite Bucky's reputation of being big, bad, and dangerous, there is yet to be a time he ever scared you. Even now, where he was in the very building somewhere to kill you, you knew his only weakness ā€” he couldn't sneak around.
It's not surprising when you think about it. With his death stare and metallic arms, anybody would spot him coming from a mile away. You just have to make sure you're faster than him, which happened to be your specialty. Being a thief for the last few years taught you everything there is to know about blending in with the shadows.
Which was a shame, you thought, because I look nice today.
You did look nice. You were currently in a gala for some valiant cause or other, hosted by some rich businessman you hadn't bothered to catch the name of. You had on your midnight blue gown, embedded with pearls that reflected off the champagne glasses and Rolex watches.
"Excuse me," one of the attendees said, tapping your shoulder. "Are you Miss Malley?"
"No," you smiled broadly, knowing the guy was about to hit on you any second.
"Oh, my mistake." He had a sheepish grin. "I'm Shane. Can I buy you a drink?"
"The drinks are free," you said, grinning right back.
"I know."
"Aren't you busy trying to find Miss Malley?"
"Who?" The smile hadn't worn off.
This particularly uninteresting conversation was cut short by sudden silence at the gala. The foolish sack of a man had diverted your attention just enough that you saw a metallic death stare at the end of the gala ā€” a stare that seemed just for your particular demise.
Don't panic, you thought, staring right back. He wouldn't dare hurt you with this many people present. Even then, he was making his way towards you. You moved away, silent as a ghost.
With each turn of crowd, you realized you might quite possibly be stuck. Bucky had brought in reinforcement ranging from Natasha Romanoff to Captain America, all of them in regal formal attire and in different corners. No one except Bucky had spotted you, possibly because he was the only person who actually had a personal vendetta against you.
Get out, your brain said clearly. Get out before they bring you to Stark. You had enough beef with that man to last for a lifetime.
You grimaced, then looked for the exit. Not the one that the attendees use, no, that would be too easy. You headed for the staff exit, the one behind the kitchen.
---------------
Half an hour later, you were walking through the dark alley, your heels clinking against the pavement. You were exhausted from all the walk, but you were used to this dance by now. Move until the target is off your back. That's how it's always been.
You wondered if you'd ever get tired of the steps.
Someone whistled. You turned to see a man around his late 40s, clearly drunk out of his mind.
"How much for the night, sweetie?"
You squinted. He looked harmless enough. You kept on walking, ignoring his continuous calls behind your back.
"Don't be like that! What, I'm not young enough for you? I thought your kind took money from anyone with a dick!"
You had half a mind to punch him in the face with the hidden knife.
No, walk on. Last thing you need is a corpse on the street.
A second passed, then two. The man's immediate silence ticked off your senses. You turned around to see him on the floor, unconscious. Somehow, it did not look like it was the alcohol that took him out.
You were almost impressed when a knife appeared at your throat from behind.
"You're getting better at sneaking around," you said proudly. "You didn't have to knock him out though. Chap was not laying a hand on me."
"Shut the fuck up." Bucky's raspy voice sent a jolt of adrenaline down your spine. His anger was controlled, but you still could hear it.
"Your wish." You stepped on his shoes. He let out a pang of hurt, not expecting your heels to feel that sharp.
One moment of distraction, that's what cost him. You whipped your gun and faced him, smile on your face.
"How did you find me?" you asked, genuinely curious.
"That hardly matters." He put his hand out, grabbing the gun, or trying to anyways. You stepped out of the way just in time and he grunted.
"You need to loosen up. Like the night we did the Catherbury mission, remember?"
That only seemed to rile him up more. You didn't think he even cared that much about the fact that you were in Avengers a good deal of time before you sneaked into Stark's office, got his card, stole a great deal of gadgets and sold them off the black market. You didn't think he even cared you were the biggest thief in the city, one that fooled even the avengers.
His vendatta against you was personal, because he considered you his friend. The cold, cruel Bucky was duped for the world to see.
"I really think we should sit down and talk," you said, the gun still held high. "Everything I did was business Bucky, stop taking it so personally."
Bucky's face showed just a tinge of hurt, but then he hurled ā€” no weapons, no hesitation. Just full-on pounced on you, and your back hit the wall.
"If everything wasn't so fucking personal, shoot me," he practically spat out those words.
You realized you hadn't even thought of using the gun that lay hanging lifeless from your hands. You tried to grip it, but Bucky pushed his hand on top of it, bending the metal seamlessly in a way it was upside down. You let it go and tried to move.
Bucky clapped his hands on the wall on either side of your head. His eyes were smeared with charcoal and he smelt like musky cologne.
"Where's your disappearing act now?" he whispered, making you feel all sorts of things.
"Let me go," you said, gritting your teeth. God, he was standing too close.
He bent his head down and brought his lips near your ears.
"You've no clue how long I wanted to have you like this," he said, making your heart skip a beat. "Unescapable, vulnerable, scared."
"I'm not scared."
"You should be." He put his hand ā€” the non-metallic one ā€” over your throat. His touch was gentle, but the message was clear; he could kill you in a touch.
Though it didn't help that you liked it a little too much.
"How did you find me?" you asked again, calmly.
"Shane is my friend. He put a GPS tracker on you. I knew you'd run so all I had to do was wait."
You were impressed yet again.
"How did Shane find me? I was blending in the crowd well."
Bucky's eyes shone brighter. "You weren't going to blend in with a dress that beautiful," he stopped, removing his hand. It was as if he just realized how close he actually was to you. His eyes slid down to your lips just a second. His hands started lowering from the wall to your waist.
Then his lips were on yours, and you could have sworn he put all his anger into it. One kiss and he was prying your lips open, making out with you in that dark alley with a knocked out man five feet away.
"James," you whined between kisses, pulling him closer. The moans did things to his brain. He slid his hands through the slit of your dress, grabbing your thigh with a force that had you unnerved.
"Can Iā€”"
"Yes."
He closed your mouth with his other hand. "No, listen to me first. I want you to mean it. Completely. Because I don't know the things I'll do to you when you say yes."
In response, you took his hand from your thighs and slid them higher, right into your panties. You pressed your body against his and you could feel him being hard.
"I hate you," he said curtly, then picked you up with effortless strength. Two minutes and you were in a secluded part of the alley, and he was setting you down on an old bench. He bent down, keeping eye contact with you all the while.
"You're so fucking beautiful," he whispered, placing a kiss on your neck. You moaned, but didn't move. He dragged your lips from your collarbones to the edge of your neckline, and pulled the dress down.
Without waiting a beat, he took off your bra and kissed your nipples.
"Bucky," you whined, and all he did was bite down harder. He let his hand drag down and pushed two fingers right into your pussy. The pain was immediate and pleasurable. His pace was slow and you started grinding on his fingers for more friction.
"Shush," he said, taking off his fingers and setting you up straight. "Do you want me to fuck you, Y/N?"
"Yes," you said, moving in for a kiss. He turned his head away.
"Beg."
"Fuck me Bucky, please." You moved your hand to his pants, and he looked like he might lose all control. A few seconds of unbuckling and he took you in his arms, pressing you down to the bench and spread your legs wide.
You were wet already, and the sight of his big, hard cock hadn't helped. You were dripping down your panties.
"Beg," he said again, taking off your panties and throwing them away.
"Please fuck me, James, fuckā€”" you gasped when he thrust his dick in you. A moment of holding onto his hand and he was fucking you like you were his. He leaned over and bit down on your neck. A kiss and a few sucking and you knew that was going to leave a mark.
You didn't care. You were being dicked out of your soul and you were taking every second of it.
Then it stopped. He pulled away from you, his dick still hard. You were confused to see that big smile on his face, even more so when he started zipping his pants.
"You left me three months ago," he said, straightening his hair. He leaned down to kiss your forehead. "Next time you think of me, I want you to think of me fucking you like you're my bitch. How having my hands on your throat was enough to make you wet."
Revenge. That's what it was?
"You wanted to fuck me to make me regret lying to you?" you asked breathlessly, feeling ashamed that it already worked.
Bucky smiled. "I wanted to fuck you for a whole lot reasons Y/N, but I also want you to knock on my door and apologize, preferably on your knees and begging. On all fours. I'd sacrifice the rest of the night to see that."
He pulled you up and put the dress on tidily. "Goodbye. And, you really do look beautiful."
Motherfucker, you thought to yourself as he left.
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kofi
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uranometrias Ā· 9 months ago
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āœ®źœœ : ā› long time coming : aaron hotchner x fem! reader
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pairing: aaron hotchner x bau! reader
summary: after getting hurt out in the field, you're on leave for a month. coming back felt long overdue, that is until your plans with the team lead you to a situation that feels a bit too close for comfort after such a traumatic time. what's worse, your feelings you've harbored for your boss have no choice but to come to light when he makes the odd choice to address you as 'agent' rather than your name after one month of being apart, and years and years of back and forth will-they-wont-they.
content warnings: making out. allusions to sexual assault + r4pe (but only in the context of the case). reader has slight signs of PTSD. anxiety/panic attacks. reader runs into a few pushy men while out at the club. drinking / drunk confessions. reader has a crush on her boss, it is also implied that reader finds derek attractive, and he reciprocates these feelings. hotch is very good at calming reader down. no usage of y/n. reader is described as having shoulder length hair (can be read as a wig/weave) angry/disappointed hotch! reader has been hiding her anxiety / nightmares / memory issues from the team. mentions of vomiting. kissing. mentions of elle & the events of the fisher king. no distinct timeline, but can be read as s7 with the iconic team (hotch, emily, derek, jj, penelope, rossi, & spencer)
"Okay, I didn't know we were going all out. I would've prepared better." you smile shyly as Jennifer pulls you into a tight hug. When Penelope had called you early that morning with an excited decree that you'd been cleared to return to work you hadn't been sure how to feel. You hadn't bothered to ask how Garcia of all people was privy to information you hadn't received from your bosses yet, there was no getting a straight answer when it came to the Technical Analyst.
It had been her idea for the entire team to get together. You'd been out of the office for a full month, and in that time you'd tried your hand at maintaining your bonds with the rest of the group. It of course wasn't the same, but you knew that you'd needed the time. The last time you'd joined them on a case things had gone horribly wrong. You shudder at the thought, you had been doing so good at forgetting about it all, but seeing them again made it all come back.
The unsub had been your run-of-the-mill anger excitation rapist, a creep that had been using an elaborate ruse to entice and entrap women. It had been Emily's idea for the two of you to go undercover, the unsub had been killing two women every week, women who in many ways were polar opposites of one another, a trait that you and Emily shared. Long story short, in the midst of your plan to lure and trap the Unsub, you'd been separated from Emily and cornered.
Youā€™d been carted off by the creep who kept you stuck for three hours before the team used his mistake to find you. By then though, the damage had been done. You remember the look on Rossi's face when he and Hotch came busting in, and found you looking bruised up with a bloody face, and a gun barrel to the side of your head. You'd never seen Hotch quite as scared, at least not since everything with Foyet nearly three years ago when he lost Haley and almost Jack.
You'd been too out-of-sorts to hear the way they'd tried to reason with the Unsub. And you hadn't realized your abdomen was losing blood until a gunshot rang out, bullets whizzing past your head as the unsub curled into himself before falling to the ground. You didn't know much, you thought maybe your eardrums had exploded with the way they were ringing, and you'd half expected to smack your head against the ground and end up with an annoying concussion.
Instead, you'd been met with the sight of your boss. He'd yelled something you weren't privy to, mouth moving as he seemingly forced the rest of the team out of their stupor long enough to get a medic inside to look you over. It was like you said, the details were fuzzy, but nothing had managed to wipe Hotch's worried expression as he fussed over your safety, out of your mind. However, if you were honest with yourself for one measly second, that was nothing new.
Nothing seemed to fill up your mind the way your boss did, and it was stupid, and deplorable all things considered. But it's not like it had even been something you'd asked for. It just happened one day. You shake these thoughts of your near paralyzing emotions away, pulling yourself back to the present as you took in JJ, who despite her perceived candor looked great. "Oh come on Jaige." you huff, and you appraise her more openly. "You look amazing, as usual."
She grins, albeit shyly, and she's waiting, maybe for your approval maybe for something else. She's trying to be discreet as she sweeps your for obvious reminders of what happened, and you feel nervous. Most of your injuries had healed up well enough, and the scratches that littered your face had been covered in a smattering of makeup. You felt comfortable in your pretty girl cocoon, all done up with a bright smile on your face that was surprisingly believable.
"Can I hug you?" she asks, and you can tell she's been holding it in, waiting to ask. You nod your head, a quiet chuckle escaping you as the blonde seems to scoop you into her arms. She's careful not to squeeze too tight, but the love is felt all the same. "God, it's been so weird without you around." she hums, and while the rest of the team is already huddled inside, probably in a booth Penelope picked, you're so happy she's the one here telling you this now.
"Now you know how we all felt when they sent you to the Pentagon." you whisper back, and you hear her bemused giggle as she steps back, and she takes you in again. Your red minidress was a stark contrast to the usual business-casual attire you wore everyday to work. Your hair was curled, pinned back with a gold claw clip, hair just barely ghosting over the divots of your collarbones. You'd opted for a shorter do' following everything with the unsub.
"Never leave us again." she pleads, and you feel this warmth blossoming in your chest at the way she's staring at you, almost like she really means it. You'd joined the team back when Elle and Gideon had still been around. At one point you'd been the rookie, the new girl nobody knew what to expect from. JJ had been right there beside you, even back then. She had been sweet, assertive, your first real friend on the team. She'd welcomed you before anyone else.
In time of course, things had changed, JJ had a husband, kids, a hoard of other units that were plotting on her skills at all times, but she was still JJ. Still that same first friend that helped you to see the Behavioral Analysis Unit was the only place for you. "I'll do my best." you promise, and she grins. She links arms with you before you both head inside the bar. There was music playing, some alternative indie song that wasn't half bad.
"Here's the girl of the hour now." Emily exclaims, and it's clear they've already started tossing back shots. JJ's head is instantly shaking in mortification. So it was going to be one of those nights. Penelope meets you both, pulling JJ from your arms and leaning forward to kiss her on the cheek sweetly, before she's turning to you. She's got tears already brimming in her eyes, and you can't help but giggle at the dramatics of it all.
"I'm so happy to see you." she squeals, and you find yourself hugging back despite the sting of your abdomen. "You look so beautiful." she adds a second afterwards. "What are you looking to get lucky?" she asks, as she uses her hands to push you away slightly, hands resting gently on both of your shoulders. You feel your face growing hot at the implication, and you see the way she's looking at your facial expressions for a signal of your lies. Curse her proximity to profilers.
"I just wanted to look nice." you reply and Penelope lets you off the hook. She leads you to the table, and you're just in time to hear the group finish up their hellos to JJ. She's sitting next to Morgan, who's bright-eyed as he looks up at you. You find yourself fussing with your hair, playing it cool as you press your lips together, re-smearing your lipstick as you waved your hand.
You weren't sure why you felt like the new kid all over again.
"It's good to see you, pretty girl." he croons, and you grin. Morgan was flirty, had been since you met him, and if you weren't so disastrously into Hotch, you think he'd be all on your mind. Well, you know... more than he was. There had been times where you'd been partnered together, and it almost felt like the tension was going to cut you in half. Sexual tension aside though, Derek was your friend.
They all were, and despite what your mind tried to tell you as you sobbed yourself through nightmares during your break from work, they were genuinely happy to see you. "I'm glad you're okay." your eyes flit over to the youngest member of the team. Spence is looking relieved as he too looks up at you with eyes full of relief. He's next to Emily, and she's already downing another drink. She'd be complaining about a migraine the next day, you could hear her now.
"Thanks, Spence." you coo, and you offer him a wink as your eyes fall on the only present member of the team that hadn't addressed you. Rossi had made a point to send his hellos, but due to a previous standing appointment, he wouldn't be joining tonight. You couldn't hold it against him, Rossi was scoping the prairie for wife number four. He offers you a faint smile, the group instantly falling into chatter.
"H-Hey Hotch." you mumble, and he's closest to you, sitting on the outside of the booth as the rest of the team tried their hardest to pretend they weren't expecting this. He doesn't say anything for a moment, instead he takes you in. He wasn't blind, he'd seen you before, you'd always been beautiful, but there was something about you done up like this. Red dress, red lip, bold makeup, and heels that showed off your legs, and accented your model-esque posture.
It was obvious that you were still a bit nervous about being out and about, and you were out of practice with being around the team. He imagined after a bit though you'd be back to yourself. You, and the rest of the girls would be falling into a rhythm in no time. He stands to his feet, much taller than you, as you take a small step back to give him space. "It's good to see you up and about, Agent." and his voice is low, clearly as a courtesy to the bustling of conversation behind you.
"Agent?" you repeat, and the word is so foreign. It makes you take another step back, the bottoms of your Louboutin's clacking against the ground. You looked a bit hurt, but you played it off quickly. "Come on, Hotch. I think we're a little past those formalities." you chuckle awkwardly, and you find yourself looking towards the bar. Yeah, you were definitely going to need a drink. He seems to curse under his breath, but you're not sure if that's due to you, or some internal conflict you weren't privy to. You don't wait to figure it out either.
He doesn't have the opportunity to reply to your correction, because you're looking to Emily, JJ, and Garcia. "Wanna get some shots?" you ask, and you sidestep Aaron, making sure you don't look his way again, as the girls immediately exclaim their agreements. Penelope's sliding out of the booth first, Emily and JJ following her example as they head straight towards the bar. JJ's shooting you a knowing glance as she looks between Hotch and yourself.
"You coming boys?" you extend the invite to Derek and Spencer, who are quick to nod along, both men trailing after the others as they head to the counter to order more drinks. You prepare to follow after them, ready for the welcome respite from your mind swimming in circles.
"I didn't mean to offend you." you stop short, spinning on your heel to meet the gaze of your Unit Chief.
"Well you did." you reply, and your voice is small. "I've known you for almost seven years, and here you are treating me like a stranger." you mumble, and you find yourself tugging at your dress. "I mean, I know it's been a while, but geez Hotch, it's still me." you say and he winces. You're not sure what the last month has been like for the others, but you know what they've been like for you. Torturous. It's been Hell.
"I know." he says, and your eyebrow raises, unmoved by his words. "And again, I didn't mean to offend you." he promises, and he clenches and unclenches his fists by his side. "After everything that happened, I guess I just assumed you'd prefer a more professional approach." he mutters, and you scoff quietly. Classic Aaron Hotchner, running away from interpersonal conflict with his tail tucked between his legs. "You don't even seem comfortable with us tonight."
You blink. Okay well he had a point there, but you were trying.
"It's not that I'm not comfortable." you mutter, and you look over your shoulder at the rest of the team. "I guess I just didn't expect to feel so out of place being out and about." you shrug your shoulders bashfully. "Everyone's normal, everything seems the same." you continue, and you notice the way that Hotch's lips have pressed into a hard line. "And it's like no time has passed at all for anyone else, but for me it's like I never moved." you blink, shivering at the thought.
Hotch's eyebrows furrow inwardly as he takes in your words. "I still feel like I'm-" you trail off, feeling a wide lump growing in your throat. "It's like I never left." you course correct, eyes shutting briefly, lashes brushing against your cheekbones. "Like no matter how much time passes, it still feels like I'm there with him and I'm-"
"I understand." he cuts you off, you think maybe to salvage your pride or to keep you from having a panic attack at the thought. "And you're certain you're ready to come back to work? You know you can take all the time you need." he reminds you, and you are immediately nodding your head as you wave a tired hand his way.
"I can't stay cooped up in my house anymore." you mumble. "It's becoming counterproductive." you huff. "I'm ready." you add a second later. "Apart from this awkwardness, I'm also perfectly fine." and it's a lie, you'd been having nightmares every night. Restless, sleepless evenings full of dread, and jump scares of your own creation. "I mean, I'm here aren't I?" you offer a tight smile as you reach out and tap Hotch's shoulders twice, a tense little conversation ender.
You don't want to stay huddled up with him anymore, not while he was looking at you like he was trying to see into your soul. You turn on your heel, dress swishing side to side as you head for the group. You find yourself in between Emily and Penelope, the blonde to your left immediately sliding a drink in front of you. You down it in a second, the intense burn as the alcohol rested in your chest was a welcome reprieve from the anguish and anxiety you'd been feeling.
You forget about Hotch, and all your heavy feelings by the time you're on your third drink. Your heels feel much too heavy under your feet as you stumble into Emily, the brunette chuckling vibrantly as you hang off each other, the music playing overhead lulling you into a false sense of security. It was nice being like this again after so long, laughing at the dramatic banter between Derek and Penelope. You wondered if they'd remain purely platonic forever.
Trading gossip back and forth with Emily and JJ was always a treat, especially as Spencer tried to keep up with eyes wide as saucers while Emily finally cracked the secrets of her coveted Sin-To-Win weekends. You weren't sure what was funnier, the peeks into Emily's life outside the unit, or the horrified looks that crossed Spence's face with every new tidbit of knowledge he learned about his coworkers. You found your eyes flickering over to Hotch again.
He was stoic as ever, but looser than he would be in the office. He seemed to enjoy being a quiet observer much more than he preferred to be in the mix. He leisurely swirled his glass of scotch, and you felt that familiar buzz of warmth in your chest when you managed to catch him smiling as he quietly passed conversation back and forth with a newly drunk Penelope, and Derek, who looked exasperated.
"Are you just gonna stare at him all night?" you jump a bit, turning to face Emily with surprise swirling in your irises. "If you keep it up, he's gonna catch you." she adds a second afterwards and you tense, head nodding as you scold yourself. You peel away from the bar, drink clutched in your hand. You had to get away from the bar for a second, maybe the cluttered dance floor would be the best distraction.
"Sorry." you mutter, and Emily offers a airy laugh. "He's just usually so serious." you lean into Emily, who nods along. She'd met Hotch after you, but still she'd managed to become so close to him it was almost surreal. She seemed to always know what he was thinking, they were in sync. Unlike you, who seemed to always be on the other end of a hard stare from the man. For a while you just began to assume he hated your guts. Or better put, he was indifferent to your existence.
That was why his look, that look he'd given you as he cradled your head while he waited for backup had been burned into your skull. All that went out of the window the second he'd labeled you 'Agent' though. God, how stupid were you? Emily's amusement makes your eyes roll. "Can I be honest?" she asks, and you nod. Penelope and JJ have migrated to the dance floor, JJ grabbing the good doctor and bringing him along with them. He looks incredibly uncomfortable.
"Sure, Em. If you think it will help." you reply audibly.
"I haven't seen him this relaxed since everything went down." she admits, and you're surprised. As if somehow your presence had been enough to set the stone-serious man at ease. "The first few days after your accident he was a mess." she adds, and she's got a surprising about of stability to her tone to be as inebriated as she was. She lowers her voice some as she leans into you, "He showed up late." she mutters this like it's some sworn secret just meant for the both of you.
"I'm sure Strauss was just riding him about another mishap in the unit." you try, and Emily looks unconvinced and unimpressed with you. "He's our boss, it's kind of his job to worry about us." you finish.
"Yeah, I guess so." Emily concedes, and she looks like she's done talking about it, so you find yourself relaxing. "Still. I've never seen him go that hard against an unsub, maybe you're not the only person that's feeling something." she leaves you with that, trying to keep from tipping as she marched towards the group. You chuckle quietly to yourself, ignoring Emily's words as you focus on finishing your drink. It seemed you'd inadvertently been trying to be alone all along.
You felt some of the tension melt from your shoulders now that you were standing at the bar, away from those prying eyes you couldn't lie to. There's this sound of heavy footsteps, and then the clearing of a throat, as you turn to be met with the sight of a man. He looked to be about your age, cheeks and nose covered in a little smattering of freckles. He's got a head full of shaggy hair that hangs in his face. He takes a quick step, sliding up against the bar beside you.
Way too close.
"Hey." he mumbles, and you appraise him boredly. It's not like he was ugly or anything, but despite Penelope's words you were not looking to get lucky tonight.
"Hi." you offer a dry greeting, shuffling your weight from one foot to the other as the bar seemingly became a beacon for thirsty men. Just as you were politely stepping away from the freckled man, you found yourself bumping into another man who'd slithered up to the bar, your ass pressing against his crotch as his hands wound around your waist. A sleazy chuckle escapes the man's mouth as you gasp. "I'm so sorry." you exclaim, and you're quick to peel away.
You feel trapped though, there were at least four guys, they all seemed to be friends, they all seemed to be in kahoots.
There's a third and fourth man joining the fray, they all looked to be about the same age, height, and weight class. This was probably their routine: approach and overwhelm whatever drunk girl they might have happened upon. It looked like you were tonight's target. "Hey, what's the rush?" the guy closest to you drawls, and you wonder where all your years of training have gone. His arm raises, and it feels like he might hit you so you flinch way too violently.
"Stick around, we'll order the next round." the next demands, and his breath smells like booze. It stinks, and it's hot as it puffs across your face. You almost break your heels backing away from them, suddenly feeling self conscious a`nd way too vulnerable in your short dress.
"No, it's alright, really." you try, and you stumble again. "My friends are right over there." and you point in their general vicinity. "Have a great night though." you offer politely, and you're trying to make your grand escape. One guy, a shaggy blonde haired man is quick to grab you by your forearm, and it's like you're back to that day. Your bureau appointed therapist had been talking to you about your anxiety, how a range of things could become triggers and transport you mentally.
"That wasn't a question. Stay a while." You're stuck, absolutely frozen in place as your entire body tenses up. Some Special Agent you were, the bureau would be so disappointed in you. Your team would be so disappointed in you. All it took to turn you into a pile of nothing was a bit of confrontation. You could remember a stronger version of you, that girl would've had these men on their knees for even thinking of laying hands on you. God, you missed that girl.
His grip on your arm tightens, fingers digging into you harshly as you find yourself surrounded on every side.
"L-Let me go." you huff under your breath, and you crane your neck. You spot JJ, the blonde's eyes locked on yours as the reality of what's going on forces her to sober up. "I just-" and you jerk away, stumbling back completely. You're surprised you don't scream as your glass drops to the ground shattering as glass sprays in every which direction. You feel like your ankle's twisted as you fall back on your ass. You expect to feel the embarrassing thud that came with smacking your ass on the hard floor of a bar, but it never comes.
Instead you feel cocooned by a familiar scent. Strong arms are looped around you, but you suppose your lack of disgust at the action is just a testament of your comfortability. "Are you alright?" it's mumbled against your ear, and the low tone of his voice makes you shiver. All you can really offer is a tight nod as Aaron's guiding you behind him. You don't get to see Hotch in action, not when JJ, Penelope, and Emily are flocking you like Charlie's Angels.
You feel the first signs of the need to barf pricking at you, and you know that you need to get some air. You needed to breathe.
"God, are you okay?" Penelope asks, and you're not sure if you are being dramatic. I mean, it wasn't like they'd done anything really. Now you were gonna look like the freak that ruined a fun night.
"I'm sorry." you chirp, and you miss the way Jennifer and Emily share a hard glance. It's not until you're feeling brisk air whipping around your face that you realize they've taken you outside, and you haven't stopped apologizing. I'm so sorry. Penelope's got wide eyes, quickly brimming with tears as you find yourself crumbling to the ground. Your hand's quick to clutch around your chest as you try to inhale. The dramatics of it all made you even more nauseous.
You should've stayed at home.
"Hey, hey, hey..." Emily's cooing, and it seems being out like this has sliced through her tipsy stupor. She's focused just like she would be on any regular sort of day. "I need you to breathe." she instructs, and JJ's crouching down in front of you, brown eyebrows draw inwardly as she takes in your clearly frantic state. Every puff of air that escapes you is tight and sounds like it hurts. You can just barely hear the sound of a commotion taking place inside.
You do hear JJ's quiet exclamation of "I'll stay with her, go check on Hotch and Derek!" before Penelope and Emily are heading back into the packed building. She calls your name, and it takes a while for you to regain your voice. She's devoid of pity, which you appreciate. JJ knew more than anyone how much you hated being seen as a burden, or someone to be sorry for. Pride was a killer. "Can you try and take a deep breath for me?" and it's then you realize your choppy little intakes of air weren't doing you any favors.
It takes a great deal of effort for your vision to be less blurry. Your ears were full of cotton, and your head was swimming. You feel bile again in the back of your throat, and you jerk away from JJ's reach. You feel like you're suffocating, transported away from the random bar in the middle of Virginia, and back to a place you'd fought so hard to escape. You were certain you'd remember that unsub forever. His evil eyes, the way he tried to use your entrails like paint.
You remember how Elle had changed after she'd been attacked by Garner. How she had changed so much that she had no choice but to step away from the Unit. Would that be your life? You didn't want that life, but it was clear you needed something, you needed help. You couldn't focus on anything else, but what had happened. You'd ruined a night out because the act of being cornered was enough to transport you back.
JJ's still peering at you as if she's waiting for you to start panicking, and maybe you were. "I'm sorry." you huff again, and JJ's shaking her head at you.
There's a deep frown etched into her face as she sighs herself. "Stop apologizing." she insists, and your lashes are wet with unshed tears. "You didn't do anything wrong. Those assholes should've never put their hands on you." she proceeds. "You know that don't you?" she continues, and you don't know how to respond, so you don't. JJ reads you like an open book, and she smacks her teeth. "Well now you do." she says this firmly. "And I'm sure Hotch and Morgan are teaching them that lesson right now." you tense up again.
"I didn't mean to ruin the-" JJ's offering you a hard glare that shuts you up. Another bad habit you'd picked up since the incident. You were working on it, trying not to blame yourself for things you didn't cause. "I'm sorry." and this time it's not because of tonight. "I was so nervous about tonight.-" you take in a hiccupped breath. "I just wanted to prove that I could bounce back." you explain, and it's the first insight you've allowed anyone. "I figured if I pretend everything's normal, soon enough it would be, but it's too much." you huff.
"And that's okay." she promises. "What you went through isn't something anyone's expecting you to forget about in a month, alright? It's gonna take time, and there will be days where it'll hurt a lot more, and there will be days where you're feeling like your old self again." she promises. "What you need to understand is that we-" she pauses as you take it in. "are your family." she finishes, and your lips start to twitch, you're not sure if you'll smile or cry.
"I know-" you proceed, and she holds a hand up in front of you.
"Let me finish." she pleads, and you inhale before nodding. "I don't- none of us want a repeat of what happened with Elle." she says quietly. "None of us want to show up to the unit one day and see your badge and gun sitting on your desk." JJ sighs. "So if you ever start feeling anxious, or terrible, or just like you're back... there." and you wince at the mention. "I want you to call me, call one of us. Don't deal with this alone, alright? Not when you don't have to."
JJ hugs you before you have time to respond, but her words sink deep and make you feel warm inside. "Thanks, Jaige." you mumble against her hair. She squeezes you tighter, and you believe it's to make up for her shyer hug earlier.
"You're welcome." she mumbles back, and then she's pulling back. You don't have much respite, Penelope practically tackling you in a hug of her own. You hadn't even realized the rest of the team has left the bar, you were sure the mood of the night was much lower.
"I'm so glad you're okay!" Penelope exhales, and you do too, breathing fine again, save for a few hiccups that escaped you every so often. She lets you go after a beat, and you're quick to take a small step back, suddenly feeling anxious once more.
"Yeah, I'm fine now." your eyes meet Derek and Emily's. "Thank you." and you're chuckling quietly as Derek pulls you into his side. He plants a kiss on the top of your head, and you warm inwardly. Spencer does hug you, and it's a shock. One of those hugs that you never take for granted, because it could be a while before you get another. Once he's pulled away you find yourself still hovering, listening quietly as they all decide the night's not over.
You respectfully bow out, you'd had enough for one day. It's then you notice that Hotch is all by himself. You quietly excuse yourself, but you find that they're not really listening now that you were safer. "Are you alright?" you ask, and your voice is very quiet. Hotch looks up from his phone as if he's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. You take in his face, and it's clear he's been in some sort of scuffle. Most notable due to the fact he's got blood smeared under his nose.
"I should be asking you that." he retorts, and your eyebrows furrow in.
"Y-You already did." you remind him, eyes darting away. "Why are you over here by yourself?" you shoot off a round of questions, the wind whipping around, and making you crave the comfort of your bed. You maintain a respectful balance, you weren't in any rush to be all up in someone's space.
"I think I've had enough of crowds for the night." he retorts. You don't realize until it's happened though, your hand reaching up to swipe at the blood that's slowly drying on his upper lip.
"Get into a bar fight?" you ask, and you hold your breath for the answer. Hotch looks down at you, and there's this unreadable expression on his face. You realize that this is nothing new. Hotch had never been easy to read, he was one of the greatest profilers you'd ever met, one of the greatest people. But he'd always been an enigma. His emotions were an Alcatraz all on their own.
"You should see the other guy." the classic rebuttal to a question like yours. It doesn't make you smile, mostly because he's not smiling either. "Are you okay?" and he's got you by your wrist, eyes zoned in on the harsh mark the guy from the bar had left behind. "He never should've touched you." his voice lowers, and there's an annoyance attached to his tone. "I'm so sorry." you find yourself huffing.
"You shouldn't have fought him." you say matter-of-factly. Your fists fold up at your sides, your lips pulling down into a frown. "It'll give everyone the wrong idea." you say, and you wrench your hand away from his grasp.
"Everyone?" he repeats, and he looks confused, classic Hotch.
"Me." you correct, "I'll get the wrong idea." you whisper. "I might actually think you like me." you admit quietly.
"We wouldn't want that." he replies, and his tone is far from mocking. You hate that it makes you crack a smile. You hate that he's always the one that manages to get that reaction out of you.
"Hey, are you two coming? We're all heading to Mo's." Emily calls, and you snort at the fact that their alcohol riddled mind had caused them to forget you'd already declined. You take a step away from Hotch, and you hate that you stumble. You were hating a lot of things tonight. Maybe you weren't as sober as you'd thought.
Aaron looks to you as if he's waiting to see your answer before giving his own, and maybe he was. The second you're politely explaining that you're ready to head home, Aaron is offering to drive you. Derek is whistling, Emily and JJ offering you smug little smirks. Penelope is trying to keep herself secured to Earth. "He's gonna take her home." he whispers to no one in particular, and it's a horrid attempt.
"We all heard, babygirl." Derek replies to her, and you find yourself a bit stuck. The thought of spending the eighteen minute car ride with your boss make you want to scream, but you'd taken a cab. Your own car was parked in the driveway of your place. And he doesn't look like he' taking any goodbyes either way. Rounds of goodbye and see you laters are soon offered. "Take care of our girl, Hotch." Derek calls, and you hear Spencer as he starts to rant about Derek's turn-of-phrase.
Our girl. Hotch finds that the words repeat in his head like an obnoxious echo. "Why are you doing this?" you question quietly. "If you're just trying to make up for the whole Agent thing, there's no need." you proceed, and you take a small step back.
"I'm not trying to make up for that." he replies quickly. "But, you're drunk, and you've been through a lot tonight." he reminds you as if you're ditsy or something. "It wouldn't be smart to leave you by yourself." he continues, and he inhales deeply. He watches the way you watch him, like you're unsure, like you're suspicious. "That isn't a testament of whether or not I think you can handle yourself... and neither was fighting that man at the bar." he promises, and you blink.
"No?" you ask, and your tongue feels extra dry. Like you've licked a stripe of sandpaper.
"No." he reaffirms. "You mean a lot to the team. We wouldn't be the same without you." he says this bit like he means it, and you can't find any trace of a lie residing in his face. He does mean it.
"Thank you, Sir." you reply under your breath, exhaling the word. The chill of the night finally gets to you, and you shiver.
"Can I take you home?" he asks, and you know you're reading into it more than you should. You know what he means, what he's really asking, but delusion was healthy every now and again, right?
"Y-Yeah." your head nods, voice wavering slightly as you take hold of the bottom of your dress. "Yes." you say more firmly.
"Okay." you stand there for a few moments more, passing charged glances back and forth. "You never answered my question earlier." is what he says to break the moment. "About how you were doing..." he proceeds. "I've asked you twice, and both times you-"
"Deflected?" you offer, and his head nods. "I guess I'm just scared you'll see right through whatever my answer is." you admit, and you cross your arms, shifting your weight from one foot to the other. "Emily and JJ will at least humor me." you explain. "Penelope won't ask... mostly because she's scared of the answer." you chuckle awkwardly. "Derek and Spence, well I guess they're like you too... but you're here, and they're not... so here we are."
Hotch appraises you for a second, but he doesn't say much else. You're grateful for that, but equal parts annoyed that he wasn't leaping to tell you that you were harder to read than you thought. No such luck. Still, you're surprised when Hotch grabs you by your arm, much gentler than earlier, and he's slowing his stride to be in step with yours. You don't realize you've leaned fully into his side until you feel him tense up. He doesn't say anything though.
A win is a win.
You didn't know much about the inner workings of Aaron Hotchner's mind, but you did know that if he was uncomfortable with your proximity, he would have said so. The walk back to Hotch's car is silent. At least outwardly, inside you were panicking. He opens the passenger side for you, and you imagine a world where this was normal. Where it didn't take you being hit on by sleazy men at a bar to be having these moments with Hotch. But it was impossible.
"Did it hurt?" you ask, once the car is moving. He's adjusted the temperature, a soothing warm pooling from the vents. You're surprised at how quickly he drives, you'd half expected him to be one of those slow as molasses drivers. Hotch looks over at you incredulously, his eyebrows raise, but he doesn't look agitated nor annoyed with you breaking the silence again.
"You'll have to be more specific." he replies, and you hum. You pause for a second, trying to find the right words. At the last second you decide saying it straight would be just as good as anything else.
"Punching that guy?" you ask, and Hotch's lips quirk upwards, he was amused with you. In truth, he had no idea what he was thinking. As soon as the girls had ushered you away, he'd found himself swinging before he could think of the repercussions. All he knew was that you'd sounded scared, you'd sounded unlike yourself in a way that made him angry. Everyone saw how you had changed, the elephant in the room was hard to ignore. But you were trying, he could give you that.
"No." he mumbles, and that likely has a lot to do with the fact that he hasn't come down. He's still on edge, still watching you like you might at any moment start spiraling. "Besides, it was worth it." and he says this a bit under his breath, you hear it all the same. "I doubt he'll try it again." he admits, and you feel liberated. It was nice to have someone fighting for you, fighting the fights you weren't capable of.
"Thanks, Hotch." you hum, and it triggers a yawn.
"Back to Hotch?" he asks, and you look over at him confused. You kick your feet back and forth, careful not to dig your heels into the plush of the car's floor.
"Would you prefer I call you sir?" you ask, and he is tapping on the brake, the car slowly peeling to a stop as you come up on a red light.
"No." he answers sternly. "It's not like you." he admits, and the light is turning green again. He steps lightly on the gas, the car surging forward "Especially if you're only calling me Sir, as payback for me calling you Agent." he says, and even though you had tried your hand at pretending the greeting hadn't bothered you, it was obvious he had read right through you.
"Why'd you do that?" you question and your tone is a lot more clipped than you had intended.
"So it did offend you?" he retorts, and you feel anger flaring up. You swallow this feeling, hands balling up by your side.
"Hotch." you snap, and he smirks fully, eyes back on the road. "Can you be serious, please?" you ask, and you probably sound pitiful.
"The last month I've just been..." he trails off momentarily, and you wonder if he's emotional, or just being dramatic. "I should have known better." he expresses. "I should've been there to make sure that what happened didn't." he says, and you tense up. "He never should have gotten the chance to get close enough to cart you off." he completes his thought, and you're shocked. You never would have guessed Hotch blames himself for what happened to you.
"That wasn't your fault." you promise, and you mean it. You'd never once thought of blaming Hotch for what went down. "You were confident in the plan, you were putting your faith in the team."
"There is a very thin line between confidence and arrogance." He rebuttals instantly. "We got cocky, and you suffered because of it." he looks so destroyed as he says this. "And then you showed up tonight, and tried to pretend everything was fine." he notes as you remain silent. "It just reminded me that we're too close." he tightens his grip on the steering wheel. "The longer you stay in the unit, the more you become numb to the things we see. You start to ignore the signs that you're not alright." he says, and you'd never thought of it that way.
"Hotch..." you exhale.
"I called you Agent to set up a boundary, or at least I tried." he says this like he's beating himself up. "But then I saw the way it hurt you." and he looks ashamed. "And I never want to be someone who does that to you." you're warring with your heart then. "So I wont do it again." he promises, and he looks to you briefly. "I'll call you by your name, I won't deflect." he adds as your mouth drops open just briefly.
"But, it's not right for someone your age to be so closed off. It's not right for you to pretend to be okay just to keep up with the people around you. If you weren't up to being out, you should've stayed home, our opinions don't outweigh your safety." he lectures you. "They never will." he adds a second after, and he's so sure as he says this. He's slowing down, coming up on your place.
Your leg is shaking slightly, that pesky feeling of anxiety creeping back up on you. "We're here." he says under his breath as if you weren't aware. You don't budge, you can't. You have so much to say, but where do you start. Hotch has shut his car off, almost like he too has a lot sitting on the tip of his tongue.
"I just wanted to prove I could handle it." you admit, and you're crying. "I didn't want to be another Gideon or Elle... or Spence." you cringe at the memories. "I didn't want you guys to handle with me with kid gloves. I didn't want you to see me as the girl who needs the kid gloves." you express honestly, and now your tears are falling in quick precession. "I'm sorry..." you swipe at your face. "I don't know why I'm crying, this is so stupid." you hiss at yourself.
"No, it isn't." the response earns him a surprised glance. "It's good... this is good." Hotch is quick to use a hand to swipe at your tears. He hates the sight of them, but loves what they mean. Your heart's still soft, pliable. You haven't fully succumb to the horrors of the job. "Consider this me atoning." he prompts. "You have my ear, say whatever you need to say." he looks over at you again, and seems to mentally backtrack. "If it'll help you." he adds.
You sniffle audibly, hands clenching and unclenching as the car suddenly feels much too hot. "It's not your fault, okay?" you repeat, and you say it with more certainty. "I just need you to know that." you sniffle again, but your tears keep falling, even as you try to blink them away. "Hotch, you're our leader for a reason, and you were there to save me that night, and you were here to save me tonight." you remind him. "I don't want you to pull back, not when I'm finally making some progress with cracking that hard exterior of yours."
Hotch's lips quirk at your words, and he looks down at his lap. "I've never meant to pull back from you." the inflection with the last words sticks. "I thought I was doing right by you... pulling the band aid off before you got in too deep." he says. "But that was wrong of me, I can admit to that. I'm sorry." and his apologies are like kisses. They wash over you, and force you to believe him.
"Don't apologize to me." you plead, "Just promise not to leave me behind, treat me like an outsider again." you continue as his head nods, and you can trust that he's listening.
"I can do that." he promises.
That seems to be the key to unlocking the dam of your emotions. You choke on the feelings, a quiet sob escaping you as you clasp a hand over your mouth. How dramatic, and pathetic, and God awful were all these feelings. But they'd been years in the making, right?
"Are you alright?." he asks under his breath, worry palpable.
"Do you know that the only thing that kept me from losing it that day was you?" you ask, and your boldness won't leave you, clearly it was now or never. "You told me to 'keep breathing'... you said it over and over and over, and I listened." you explain, and he remembers the day too well. "Even though everything hurt like hell, and there was so much blood." you reminisce. "And I don't know, maybe I'm just crazy, but there was this look." you exhale sadly. "This look you had on your face that made me think... 'maybe it's not just me'"
It isn't. He knows that instantly. You've plagued his mind so severely for so long that he can just barely remember a time where you weren't one of the only things he thought about, worried about, cared about. But he had his post to think about, he was the Unit Chief, your boss, your superior. What would the team think? What would Strauss think? Did it matter? In the grand scheme of things, did those worries outweigh his need, his innate desire to see you safe and protected from harm? Absolutely not. So what was the real problem?
"Hotch..." you inhale deeply, voice cracking distractingly as he gives you his full attention. Something you'd dreamed of, wanted more than anything since the first time you'd ever laid eyes on him. "Aaron." you correct, and you breathe again. "I've been thinking of how to say this... i've been rehearsing it over and over again, because I wanted to get it right, and I just knew tonight would be the night I'd have to have the balls to either say it or let it go forever." you admit.
"Say it..." and he's rushing you, but you suppose that's deserved. You were still stalling, dragging this out way more than you needed to.
"I'm in love with you." and it was out there, and you couldn't take it back. You stare him down, worried about his reaction, about how he would respond. "And it took me getting hurt, and being sent home, away from the team for me to realize." you inhale shakily. "I kept having these-these dreams about that night. All these different scenarios about how things could've turned out different, how I could've died had one thing been out of place." you process.
"You're the reason I'm still here, you're the reason why this team can function, and you're the reason why I- why I came tonight even though my anxiety told me it wasn't safe. Because, somehow I knew that as long as you were here... I'd be okay, and I am." you say, and it's a lot, too much maybe. His reaction is hard to read at first, face just as stoic as most times, but his eyes.... his eyes hold the truth. They melt, pools of warm honey dancing in the darkness residing there.
"And it's inappropriate... and wrong... and silly... but- I couldn't go another day without you knowing, without you hearing from me." you explain. "When you came up to the bar tonight I just... I've never felt this way before... lucky, protected, safe.... and-and I'm not asking for anything from you... I'm not expecting something in return, I just wanted to get it out there... I think we both know it's been a long time coming..." and your words are being swallowed as Aaron leans forward. The middle console is a bridge, a roadblock.
It doesn't deter him though, not from using a hand to gently cup your face, mouth slotting against yours as if it belonged there. You're dizzy, shocked, surprised, but you don't let this mess you up. You can't possibly allow anything to mess up this moment. Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two... the seconds tick by with neither of you moving to break the kiss, hands and tongues and breaths fanning over one another as you get acquainted in the most perfect way.
Still, life dealt lots, and yours consisted of a need for oxygen. It's the only reason why you break apart with heady gasps, eyes dilated and fogged with emotions much too heavy to really explain. "Oh, you can't do that." you explain, and Hotch's bemused, eyebrows raising upwards, as his thumb brushes over your cheekbones.
"I can't?" he asks, and he sounds so much lighter now.
"No, you can't. I'll get the wrong idea, you know." you explain, and he smiles brazenly at your callback to earlier. "I'll actually believe you're in love with me or something." you say, and Hotch is slow as he leans back in, a peck being placed right on your lips as your eyelashes flutter, and your heart beats out of control.
"We can't have that, can we?" he's following your lead with the callback, and your cheek presses into his palm.
"I don't know." you answer, and your voice is faint. "I'm scared this'll be a dream." you proceed as Hotch's eyes scan over your frantic face. "I'll wake up and find out that this was all in my head, and the only memories I get to hold on to are from that night." Hotch's lips purse, head shaking in denial as you inhale shakily.
"No, not this time. an ambitious remark. "This time it's real." he promises. "This time I'm here with you to make sure that all those things you felt that night, and earlier by the bar, are how you keep feeling about me." he answers truly. "I'm here to love you back for as long as you'll have me. Is it alright for me to feel that way?" he asks, and your hand jumps up to keep his squished in place against your face.
"You can feel however you want." you reply, and he laughs, a full blown chuckle escaping him as his face seems to light up like a thousand suns. His eyes glisten, twinkling as he looks down at you, like everything was right in the world. And to him it was. Nothing and nobody could hurt you here.
"Good. Then I choose whatever this between you and I leads to, I choose the feelings that come with that." You smile grows to an almost blinding brightness as you reach across the console to hug him, and pull him into your arms. He's quick as he presses a peck to the top of your head, eyes still dancing over you as if he was seeing you for the first time. And maybe he was, that part wasn't your business, all you knew was that loving Aaron was easy, it could be.
A long time coming, but a wait well worth it. Lucky you.
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sarahreesbrennan Ā· 11 months ago
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Are all the themes in ā€œin other landsā€ supposed to be a commentary on something? Or do you just like writing sex scenes between minors, age gaps, and reverse misogyny?
Genuine question.
Ohhh, my dear anon, I don't believe this is a genuine question.
But it does bring up something I've been meaning to talk about. So I'll take the bait.
Firstly. Yes, my work contains a commentary on the world around us. I wonder what I could be doing with the child soldiers being sexually active in their teens (people hook up right after battles), and the age gap relationship ending in the younger one being too mature for the elder. What could I possibly have been attempting when I said 'how absurd gender roles are, when projected onto people we haven't been accustomed by our own society to see that way'? I wasn't being subtle, that's for sure.
Secondly. Yes I do enjoy writing! I think I should, it's my life's work. Am I titillated by my own writing, no - though I think it's fine to be. The sex scenes of In Other Lands aren't especially titillating, to be honest. It is interesting to me how often people sneer at women for writing romance and sex scenes, having 'book boyfriends,' insinuating women writers fancy their own characters. Women having too much immoral fun! Whereas men clearly write about sex for high literary purposes.
ā€¦ I have to say from my experience of women and men's writing, I haven't found that to be true.
Iā€™m not in this to have an internet argument. Mostly people use bad faith takes to poke at others from the other side of a screen for kicks. But I do know some truly internalise the attitude that writing certain things is wrong, that anyone who makes mistakes must be shunned as impure, and that is a deeply Victorian and restrictive attitude that guarantees unhappiness.
I've become increasingly troubled by the very binary and extreme ways of thinking I see arising on the internet. They come naturally from people being in echo chambers, becoming hostile to differing opinions, and the age-old conundrum of wanting to be good, fearing you aren't, and making the futile effort to be free of sin. It makes me think of Tennyson, who when travelling through Ireland at the time of the Great Famine, said nobody should talk about the 'Irish distress' to him and insisted the window shades of his carriage be shut as he went from castle to castle. So he wouldn't see the bodies. But that didn't make the bodies cease to be.
In Les Mis, Victor Hugo explores why someone might steal, what that means about them and their circumstances, and who they might be - and explores why someone else is made terribly unhappy, and endangers others, through their own too rigid adherence to judgement and condemnation without pity. The story understands both Jean Valjean the thief and Javert the policeman. Javertā€™s way of thinking is the one that inevitably leads to tragedy.
Depiction isn't endorsement. Depiction is discussion.
Many of my loved ones have had widely varying relationships to and experience of sex (including 'none'). They've felt all different types of ways about it. If writing about them is not permissible, I close them out. I'd much rather a dialogue be open than closed.
I do understand the urge to write what seems right to others. I've been brain-poisoned that way myself. I used to worry so much about my female characters doing the wrong things, because then they'd be justly hated! Then I noted which of my writer friends had people love their female characters the most - and it was the one who wrote their female characters as screwing up massively, making rash and sometimes wrong decisions. Who wrote them as people. Because that's what people do. That's what feels true to readers.
I want my characters to feel true to readers. I want my characters to react in messy ways to imperfect situations. I love fantasy, I love wild action and I love deep thought, and I want to engage. That's what In Other Lands is about. That's even more what Long Live Evil is about. That sexy lady who sashays in to have sexy sex with the hero - what is her deal? Someone who tricks and lies to others - why are they doing that, how did they get so skilled at it? What makes one person cruelly judgemental, and another ignore all boundaries? What makes Carmen Maria Machado describe ā€˜fictional queer villainsā€™ as ā€˜by far the most interesting charactersā€™? What irritates people about women having a great time? What attracts us to power, to fiction, and to transgression?
I donā€™t know the answers to all those questions, but I know I want to explore them. And I know one more thing.
If the moral thing to do is shut people out and shut people up? Count me among the villains.
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tealvenetianmask Ā· 3 months ago
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A lot of the discourse on The Full Moon/Apology Tour has revolved around the pedestals that our boys put each other on. But I think the pedestal Stolas has Blitz on in particular often gets misunderstood.
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I've seen a lot of takes that says that Stolas can't really love Blitz. He just loves the idea of Blitz . . . the one he's built up in his head based on romance novels and rom-coms and soap operas.
I think the reality is more complicated, and that even though, yes, Stolas idealizes Blitz, he also very much loves Blitz for his true self.
Let's look at some times when Stolas saw "the real Blitz," as his quirky, resilient, innovative, low-class self, and very much loved that person, and not just the knight in shining armor version of him.
The Circus.
Some have used this moment to say that Stolas idealized Blitz as a fantasy of what it must be like to be free.
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And . . . yes. BUT ALSO. He only falls more in love (in a kid-crush kind of way) when he sees Blitz mess up on stage, get booed by the crowd, and make a joke that's clever but quite dark and niche. Creatively, to work his way through a difficult situation. There is SO MUCH in this short minute that reveals to us AND TO STOLAS who Blitz really is.
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Seeing Stars
Oh boy. Let's make a list. I'm too tired to make this exhaustive, but in this episode, Stolas sees Blitz
Being careless in a way that puts Octavia in danger
Using an absolutely stupid costume to disguise himself
Getting terrible stage fright
Going way off script in the sitcom in (again) a way that's niche humor and does not appeal to most of the audience
LITERALLY HAVING A BREAK FROM REALITY AND SHOOTING UP THE TV STUDIO
Okay, so when Via is in danger, Stolas is unambiguously peeved by the mistake, but he forgives Blitz because Blitz puts in effort to find Via and make it right.
And in the rest of these instances, Stolas EITHER affirmatively likes the cringy and silly side of Blitz's personality:
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Or without the slightest hesitation, when Blitz shows a real weakness, focuses not on disappointment that this man is not his perfect soap opera hero, but puts that aside and tries to help Blitz get out of trouble.
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There's also this moment in Western Energy where Stolas is absolutely unbothered by Blitz's atrocious spelling and is genuinely just happy to think for a moment that Blitz cares. I feel like someone COULD twist this to be about Stolas having blinders on about what's right in front of him, but I don't think so. I think he's fine with Blitz not having all the same strengths that his society clearly values, and just wants to be loved back by this person who he has genuine feelings for.
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So what doesn't Stolas know about Blitz before The Full Moon/Apology Tour? He doesn't know that Blitz hates himself. He doesn't know that Blitz pushes away people he cares about. He knows that Blitz has walls up but doesn't know why. You can fall for someone without knowing their deepest darkest hurts-- you can even love them. But you do need to know these things to have a deeper relationship with the person.
His focus on romantic media is a problem because it forms his expectations about relationships, not necessarily because it blinds him to who Blitz is. He wants to be rescued. He wants to be chased after. He doesn't understand that good relationships take a lot of work . . . and he'll need to learn that.
But he doesn't just love Blitz for these ideas. He loves Blitz for being Blitz.
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This, like many of these essays, was inspired by a conversation with @akirathedramaqueen.
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perfctvelvet Ā· 7 months ago
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can you do sabrina carpenter!!
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Happy Fucking New Year; Sabrina Carpenter/Fem!Reader
Content: 2nd POV. Strangers, alcohol mention, semi-public (hooking-up in the bathroom of some rich person's house), making out, oral sex
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No one wanted to be alone this New Years and you were no exception. The only problem was that your friend, the one who happens to the social butterfly brought you to a party where you don't know anyone here besides her. Everyone was dressed to the nines; shimmering dresses with make up to match and expensive suits. Having a friend who works in PR was an unexpected perk in her life, but having a friend who works in PR means when you're out they're always in networking mode. Coming here, to some random person's mega-mansion, was thrilling at first but the shine was beginning to dull immediately.
You had lost your friend somewhere in the fray of the fancy just less than an hour before midnight. Many people were here with partners, spouses, and lovers, and to you it seemed like you and your friend were the only single ones. You didn't let it get to you because you had her, but now she was gone. All you had was your too-small purse and a vodka soda you weren't a big fan of.
Just as the night couldn't get more painful, someone bumps into you. There was no love lost for the beverage that you spilled but now it was all over your dress. You may have been feeling alone, but your dress was the only thing you had. You got it one random day in the summer at the encouragement of your friend that she will give you a reason to wear it. You felt confident walking out of the car tonight and into the party. That was only two hours ago and oh how everything seemed to cave in.
"Fuck! I'm so, so sorry!"
This woman who bumped into you sounded sincere in her apologies. At first you thought you were being mocked, but the way she tried to wipe off your dress before it could stain seemed too real.
"I-It's okay."
You couldn't even bring yourself to look at her. Instead you were looking around you at the people who were beginning to look at the commotion. You were hoping to lock eyes with your friend so she could rescue you, but she was still nowhere to be found.
"Ugh! C'mon!"
Before you could register what was going on, you were being dragged away by the woman who ruined your dress. You were too relieved by being saved from the embarrassment to make a fuss. She lead you to one of the many guests bathroom in the house. She was bold, shutting the door behind you two and almost forcing you to sit on the counter. She grabbed one of the fancy, embroidered towels and wets it to continue her efforts to save your dress. Even though you appreciated her eagerness to fix her mistake, you can't help but be enamored and a little amused by the situation.
"It was just a vodka soda. Don't worry, it's not going to stain my dress."
It seems as if your voice is what gets to her. She slowly stops frantically wiping off the parts of your dress that is covered in vodka and looks up at you. She's stunning, so much so that you begin to lose your confidence.
"I hope I didn't take you away from whoever you cam here with." She finally puts the towel down and you get to hear her voice in a more relaxed state.
"No, no, I just came with a friend, but I lost her somewhere so I was just kind of by myself." You felt like a loser saying that out loud, but something lights up in the stranger's eyes at your confession.
"Glad I'm not the only one here feeling a little dejected."
"What do you mean?"
She points to the spot next to you, gesturing if she could sit beside you. There was plenty of space on the counter and she didn't have to ask, but you made space for her anyway.
"What was supposed to be a girls' night New Years Eve get together turned into us coming here, and just like you I have no clue where my friends with."
It wouldn't be shocking to either of them if their friends found someone gorgeous and well-off to talk to, but you were sure your friend was more concerned with making connections than the imminent countdown to the new year. You empathized with this woman, but still couldn't get over the shock that someone who looks like her was feeling the same loneliness tonight.
"I guess that's a common theme tonight. It's never really happened before so I think that's why it stings so much. I'm Y/n by the way."
"Sabrina," she sticks her hand out for you to take which you do. You two shake hands for a few seconds before breaking away. You felt like you had made a new friend tonight and you were a little proud of yourself. You were never the most sociable one in the room, so it's fitting that your main way of meeting new people is through an embarrassing moment.
"You said you came here with a friend? Just one? Are they a friend or a friend."
"Just a friend. We were roommates one year in college and I reached out to her when I moved out here to LA. She's always been primed for this kind of life, not me, so I needed her to guide me through the upsides and downs of living here."
"There are a lot of ups, like being invited to some rich ass dude's New Years Eve party. The downs would be the perpetual loneliness that seems like a requirement."
"I take it you've been in LA for years?"
"Almost two decades now. Feels like it's been a life time."
"Do you like it? I've only been here for two years and I'm still figuring out how I feel about it."
"Well, like you said, it has it's ups and downs. Some times there are more downs than ups, and vice versa. I would say right now that sitting in the bathroom of a boring party with a pretty girl who is being kind to me after I fucked up her dress is one of the ups."
You break eye contact with her to spare yourself the embarrassment. You feel a heat creep up your neck and beat you right in the face. You never learned how to take a compliment without completely crumbling. You already found Sabrina to be interesting and pretty, but now your heart was starting to beat out of your chest.
"And I hope this doesn't sound weird, but I'm kind of glad I literally ran into you. I saw you earlier in the party and I couldn't stop staring at you. I hope I don't sound like a creep."
"No, not at all! I'm just shocked to say the least."
What snapped you out of your shock was the sound of people cheering and getting rowdy outside of the bathroom. At first you feared someone was going to come in, ruining your solace. But then Sabrina checks her phone and sees that it's almost midnight.
"Two more minutes then it's 2024. I'll be honest, Y/n, I didn't expect to spend my last minutes of 2023 like this. I sort of feel like a klutz."
"Don't be sorry. Like I said my dress is fine, just a little sticky, but one wash it'll be alright."
The both of you end up getting distracted by the rowdiness outside the door. You were half tempted to get up and join them just to watch everyone ring in the New Year together, but you stay put. You notice how Sabrina isn't budging and you get the impression that she wants to stay with you in her last moments of 2023. Soon the start the countdown.
"10...9...8...7..."
In just a few seconds you feel fingers weave through yours and Sabrina grabbing your face. You let her control your body, turning your head to face her.
"6...5...4..."
It takes just seconds for your heart to flutter with an emotion you haven't felt in a long time.
"3...2...1...Happy New Year!"
Sabrina's lips meet yours on the very first syllable of "happy." For the first time in years you genuinely felt the meaning.
At first it felt innocent, just two lonely souls filling the void together, but Sabrina didn't want to pull away. She kissed you deeper, harder. The lust was radiating off of her and it was overwhelming. The last way you expected to bring in the new year was a bathroom hook-up, but surprisingly you weren't turned off to the idea. No one has ever come on this strong to you before and being in LA you were beginning to think you were a love repellant. This kiss left your breathless and starving for more. You grab onto Sabrina, unintentionally laying one hand on her breast in the process. Neither of you seemed to care as your tongues bumped against each other's. It was becoming a little sloppy, with Sabrina taking you there, but you enjoyed it. There is a hint of lemon on her tongue and you wondered why type of drinks a girl like Sabrina would drink. She was bold, yet refreshing.
Sabrina pulls away, panting and her lipstick smudged. She's looks a little messy now but she smiles regardless. She's so happy that you're receptive to her touch and that you seemed to enjoy the kiss too.
"Was that too much?" She wipes the edges of her mouth.
"I think we're beyond the point of worrying about what's too much now."
You're the one to lean in this time. You continue what Sabrina started, the blonde leaning into this time until she wraps her arms around your neck. You were at the point of no return and you wouldn't dare turn back. You wanted more; you wanted her.
"Do you think you can be quiet?" You ask her between kisses?
She hums affirmatively against your lips before you break the kiss. She moans breathlessly when your lips land on her neck. So much for being quiet because her moan fills the room. Of course the party outside still raged on as being in a whole new year put a new life into the party. The sound of the bass of the music thumped against the walls, but nothing could overtake the sound of Sabrina's sweet moans. You finally get between her legs, your knees pressed into the soft rug. She places her legs on your shoulders and you come face to face with her pussy. It didn't surprise you, but seeing her without panties made your face grow hot.
"I hope you don't mind, I left them at home," she says with a salacious tone.
You didn't mind at all, you were happy to have easier access to her wet pussy. You can't go another minute without it seeing what she tastes like. Sabrina whines when your face disappears between her legs under her dress. She pulls it up and catches the very moment your tongue meets her dripping sex. She moans so loud that she has to put her own hand over her mouth. You lick and lick and lick and somehow she's able to keep herself from screaming out in pleasure. It was like you knew her body and knew what buttons to press. She feels a rush run through her and she's on cloud nine. Never has a stranger made her so happy and feels so good. She moves her hand from her mouth and promises herself she'll be good and keep as quiet as possible. She knuckles turn white as she grips the edge of the counter.
"Oh Y/n that feels so fucking good," she whines. "I've been thinking about this all night."
The thought of someone being so turned on by you that they fantasized about it after seeing you once was astounding. You were shocked to have that power over someone, especially over someone so beautiful. You felt lucky, lucky to be invited here (the party and between Sabrina's legs). You pull away from her pussy and rub her clit.
"Did you want me so bad that you spilled a drink on me?"
Sabrina doesn't answer, just moans as she throws her head back in pleasure. You stop rubbing her clit to insert a finger into her pussy. When she feels your tongue back on her clit paired with the finger inside of her she almost cums. But she wants to savor the taste, feel this forever. She thinks she's strong enough to hold herself back, but your fingers are stronger than her will. You insert another one into her and her walls wrap warmly and tightly around the two. Your hitting the spot that makes her legs shake. Sabrina desperately wants to cry out loud, but she wouldn't dare risk getting caught and letting the moment end. She's so so close, tettering on that blissful edge. You kiss her inner thigh not once, or twice, but a few times. It makes her legs shake. She forgets about trying to hold back when she feels the 5th kiss pressed to her thigh.
She fears that you might get turned off by how hard she cums, but you enjoy it very much. She closes her eyes, bites her lip, and tosses her head back in ecstasy. A tear runs down her rosy cheek too. Her make-up is probably too fucked up for saving, but no one is going to care, so neither does she.
"Earth to Sabrina...you here with me?" You tease her. You're not sure if she likes that, but she just let you eat her out and finger, a little teasing is harmless in comparison.
She opens her eyes a few seconds later and a sweet, relaxed smile forms on her face.
"People are probably looking for us," you say to her when she finally looks down at you.
"Let them look."
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henley-reeves Ā· 11 months ago
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People have said many times how Fourteenth Doctor is so much more open with feelings and emotions than Ten. But it is especially huge when it comes to Donna specifically. Ten was so reserved and held back so much when it came to expressing feelings and voicing them, that his companions never fully understood how much they meant to him. Ten was very flawed and very HUMAN and while he had so much love in him, he was equally afraid to express it, show it unabashedly. Did Donna ever truly understand how much he loved her? Did he ever tell her how much she meant to him on screen? When Ten knew he was losing Donna, and she was about to disappear in front of him, he knew this was his last moment with her, and the best he could do while she was conscious is hold her at armā€™s length and tell her ā€œWe had the best of timesā€. You could see he was dying inside and this moment is killing him but he NEVER SHOWS it to her. While itā€™s all in his eyes, Ten still doesnā€™t tell her anything that would have an emotional weight or reveal the whole depth of his feelings.
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Ten kept all his feelings bottled so deep inside, that when they finally started to bleed out, he made the worst mistakes possible. It ended up killing him. And the breaking point was losing Donna. He carried so much guilt over the way he lost her and the way he let her, his best friend in the whole wide universe, down, that it echoed over to the next regenerations, in Elevenā€™s guilt and Twelveā€™s face. That scene in the TARDIS in ā€œLetā€™s Kill Hitlerā€ where Eleven is poisoned, and the TARDIS is showing him images of former companions when Eleven asks ā€œGive me guiltā€. The TARDIS shows him Martha first, and there is so much to be guilty about when it comes to Martha, and then Eleven asks for ā€œalso guiltā€, and the TARDIS shows him Donna, and when Eleven asks for ā€œmore guiltā€, the image doesnā€™t change. It is still Donna, TARDIS is showing Eleven the best friend who got let down so hard by the Doctor. And the Doctor still carries that guilt and regret and heartbreak with him, because he loved his best friend and her attachment to him almost got her killed and hurt her in the worst way possible. ā€œStand too close, and people get burntā€, just like Martha said.
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Fourteen though. He is a completely different person. He doesnā€™t just love Donna, he ADORES her, he is here FOR HER, this face is here BECAUSE OF HER. He tells a complete stranger he just met that he loves his best friend Donna, and repeats it twice.
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When Donna honestly asks who would care about her 'cause she thinks she is just no one, Fourteen angrily  cries ā€œI DO!ā€  because thatā€™s his brilliant and amazing best friend who after all these years still thinks so little of herself and he hadnā€™t been there to remind her of that, and it is all his fault that she doesnā€™t remember how fantastic and special and extraordinary she has always been and how many times her brilliance saved worlds and lives, including the Doctorā€™s.
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Fourteen is crying and screaming and breaking down, when he thinks Donna is about to die in front of him, all because he is so afraid of losing her again. Fourteen cradles Donnaā€™s body and cries when he thinks he had lost her and tells the Meepā€™s soldiers to kill him, because he doesnā€™t care anymore, because someone he loves so dearly is dead in his arms, and it is all his fault.
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When Donna gets her memories back, Fourteen almost immediately confesses how losing her KILLED HIM and how he remembers every second with her. He tearfully confesses that he has missed her for all those years they were apart, itā€™s been millions of years they spent apart for the Doctor. All those years the Doctor needed Donna who would make him laugh again, Donna who would keep him grounded, Donna who would call him spaceman and silently hug him when he needed it the most, Donna who would understand and be there and be his touchstone and anchor and guiding light.
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Fourteen knows that she canā€™t stay with him forever like she used to want to, but he still gives her both of his hearts and tells her how much he cherishes their time together. He offers her coffee just the way she likes it, he remembers such small details about her after literally thousands, millions of years! And he shows it to her. Fourteen is so full of love and he is not afraid to show it, he is rushing to love, to express it before Donna is gone from his life again. And he is trying to make up for all those years as Ten when he couldnā€™t say these things to Donna, and she never knew just how much she meant to him. Donna never knew that she was his soulmate, that her presence made such an impact and her absence led to Tenā€™s death and that he died saving her grandad.
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Fourteen kisses Donnaā€™s hands and hair and hugs her like she is the most precious thing he knows. His hugs are also different from Tenā€™s. Fourteen wraps himself around Donna and holds her tight, this is how he shows his affection. He wants Donna to hear, know AND feel how much he cares. Because he already knows what itā€™s like to lose her and he wants her to know in case he has to let her go forever again.
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When there is a threat of the world ending and his wonderful selfless Donna once again stresses that it is not about her, the Doctor solemnly replies that it really is. Because here right now in mortal danger he is willing to put her first and thinks of her wellbeing before anything else, because Donna Noble means the world to him.
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Fourteen loves Donna so much, that he is willing to stay with her forever, staying still is not so bad when itā€™s with her. Fourteen is so tired and weary and bruised and exhausted but when he looks into Donnaā€™s eyes, he doesnā€™t feel so tired anymore.
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Fourteen got Tenā€™s face because he needed rest, but also maybe, just maybe, because Ten didnā€™t want to go so badly that he broke through and got the chance to come back so he could have another chance, to have a life and be with his best friend again and come home. Fourteen was born out of love that Ten had for Donna. And that love (and the TARDIS) brought him right to Donnaā€™s doorstep, so he can hear her call him spaceman again and have the best of times for as long as they live and have a laugh with his family in their shared garden and find out what itā€™s like to be happy. Fourteen gives his love so openly and freely and he gets to receive it too, he gets to bask in it and revel in it. He finally gets the reward Ten was dreaming about.
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lanadelreyscokewhor3 Ā· 2 months ago
Text
AGORA HILLS- JOSH WASHINGTON
pairing: bestfriend!josh x onlyfans!reader
word count: idkk sorry i wrote this in one sitting in the app
summary: the whole group thinks you're an innocent angel, but josh found your little secret account on onlyfans a few weeks earlier. little do you know, he wants to be a feature.
warning: IMPLIED SMUT (like they basically do it oki), fingering, praise, dumbifaction, swearing, petnames, size kink, manhandling, mocking/ teasing, filmed sexual activity
not spell checked im sorry if theres any mistakes!
"boy, you're the one, you're the only man/ me and you on my OnlyFans/ holy cow, you're the holy trin'/ hold me down when a hole need dick"- doja cat, agora hills
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josh felt like a complete and total pervert.
he couldn't help but let his gaze linger as he stared at you from across the room. he was undressing you with his eyes, leaving every trace of you vulnerable, despite your clothes still being on, trying to ignore him and focus on the rest of the group.
it was late in the night, everyone sitting around the fire in the lodge, warming themselves before bed. drinks had been passed around, some blunts smoked here and there.
but he was high off of the info he had about you. and you didn't even know- and it was killing him.
josh's attraction had been bubbling up for quite some time, and he couldn't help but think you wanted him too. a sweet, innocent, naive girl, too scared to hurt a fly- you often became flustered at his comments and flirty remarks. with you- he wasn't even trying to be funny, or witty.
he was so fucking truthful when he always whistled at you, giving your hip a gentle pat as he'd put his arm around you from behind. pipsqueak was your name, because he was so much bigger then you.
everyone was.
but as sexual secrets were being passed around, and you claimed you had none, everyone teasing you- he knew that wasn't true. he was scrolling only fans as one did on a late friday night after smoking- and he had stumbled across something that made his heart drop, his dick get even harder.
it was you- though you didnt show your face, he could tell just from your body it was you. the body he fantasized over for so many nights, here- in front of him.
and just his luck, you were letting people join for free on this one night. it was fate. clicking on yoru profile, he skimmed through all your content, few things- as it looked like you had started not too long ago.
he couldn't help but touch himself as he stared at your naked mirror selfies, or little skirts, and if he was lucky- a video of you touching yourself with your skirt hiked up.
the skirt you wore now was the same on in that video. he watched as you hid your face in embrassment at everyones teasing, and couldnt help but let his lips curl up into a smirk.
"fine, if you havent done anything, do you at least like someone?" you murmered somethin lowly, turning your head towards the fire.
"what was that pipsqueak?" he taunted, his long leg reaching over to nudge your leg. "do i have to?"
"yes bitch! we all spilled, you gotta give us something here."
you took a breath, eyes catching his for a split second. "i like josh."
"ayooo i knew it!" mike grinned cheekly, looking over at josh. "we all knew that." jess teased, nudging your arm.
"don't hold that over my head please." you begged at josh and he winked. "everything is over your head baby." he teased and you groaned.
"alright. well just cause i said that, i deserve a hot shower before bed. goodnight gang." you stood up, giving the group a little salute before turning in the wrong direction.
"wrong direction pips." josh called, making the others laugh. he had to come and direct you, turning you the other way, his hand rubbing little circles on your back, fingers slipping under your shirt.
he was warm and you couldnt help but lean into him as he waved goodnight to the group, throwing them a wink as he guided you down the hall to your room.
"so you like me, hm?"
"that was a drunk thought." you sputtered out as he guided you futher from the group.
"you've had two drinks and a puff of my blunt. you're sober baby."
"whatever.." you mumbled under your breath, making him chuckle. you bit your lip as his hand slip to rest on your hip, fingers stretching down to brush the curve of your ass.
god you wanted him. it was fucking killing you, and him. his cock strained against his jeans, and he wasnt sure how much longer he could wait.
it was like a leash had snapped, when you had admitted to having a crush on him, and even that you wanted to fuck him. he had all the conformation he needed.
"you stumbled into the empty bedroom and he turned the lock, walking over to you- making you stumble back and hit the edge of the bed.
"so you wanna fuck me? is that it?"
"dont taunt me." you moaned softly, fingers gripping the sheets subtly.
"im not trying to taunt you baby, you know i just joke. but you really want me to fuck you? i thought you were miss innocent?" he toyed, leaning down enough to make you go down on your elbows. he bit his lip, eyes tracing your cleavage through your top. your breath went shallow.
"i am joshy i swear."
"really miss pornstar?" you froze.
"i'm not a pornstar joshy dont be silly." his eyebrow cocked, and he leaned close enough you were pratically smuthered by his large frame, tounge darting out to lap at your neck.
"is that so misskittycat?" you moaned as he nipped your neck, teeth biting the skin playfully.
"i dont know what your talking about.."
"you touch yourself so pretty baby. ya know i touched myself to that? it was so much better then in my head. such a pretty pussy." he hummed.
"maybe you can show me how you touch yourself so i can, yeah?"
at this point, you were putty. you couldnt hold up the innocent act any longer. youd do anythng he'd ask, and do it happily.
"i think about you when i do it." you confessed, and he chuckled deeply.
"yeah? you wanna say that to the camera sweetheart?" you turned, seeing an old camcorder opened on the dresser.
"wh-"
"dont worry, its not on. just had it here from a few trips ago. did you want me to turn it on?"
your eyes widdened. "d-did you want to?"
"i asked you the question pips." he smiled as he placed his large hands on your hips, fingers brushing your skin and making you dizzy/
"w-we could film ah- content if you want.."
"yeah?" his voice dropped, and you felt yourself swoon as he kissed you gently, slipping his tounge in your mouth faster then you could think. "yeah" you moaned out as he moved his hands down to push your legs open.
he broke the kiss, reaching over with ease to click the camera on, and you watched as the little red light started to blink. "we're rolling honey. but its just you and me okay? just focus- hey- focus on me okay?" he gripped your chin and guided your gaze back to him. you dumbly nodded, leaning into his touch.
"is this okay?" he asked softly, guiding your hand down to touch your soaked panties. you nodded.
"why dont you show me how you touch yourself baby? so i do it just how you like." you felt heat rise in your cheeks, limbs tingely as you dipped your hands down your panties.
"cmon show the camera baby." he manhandled you, picking you up with ease to turn you around, tugging your panties to the side. you shamelessly dipped your finger inside, moaning softly as you curled it.
"oh yeah like that?" he teased, finger darting up to rub your clit. you squrimed at the pressure he applied, rubbing slow gentle circles. "y-yes fuck joshy"
"oh dont get shy on me now." he laughed, taking your finger out to replace it with his own. you let out a gasp, a look of surprise on your face at the larger sensation, his fingers reaching spots you didnt even know fingers could reach.
"oh i know baby, its so much bigger then yours hm?" his fingers curled and you bowed, letting out a loud moan as you squirmed again. his dirty talk had your head going empty like static on an old tv.
"yeah baby im gonna take such good care of you."
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oriistar Ā· 1 year ago
Note
How about headcanons for how Wyll, Halsin, Gale, and Astarion would react to his shy gn crush confessing to him?
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Reactions To A Shy Reader Confessing
Wyll, Halsin, Gale, Astarion x GN Reader
(separately)
Warnings: None, all fluff!
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Wyll:
First of all, I'll just start by saying Wyll is such a sweetheart. Like actually such a cutie.
He's definitely a romantic! So if you get all flustered trying to confess your feelings for him? He'd be smitten with you.
Wyll is definitely the kind of guy to lay out his feelings outright.
He doesn't see a reason to hide them so honestly he'd probably end up confessing to you first if you're too shy!
But if you are the one to approach him? He's floored.
Watching you stumble over words or even try to just beat around the bush instead of outright telling him how you feel, he thinks it's adorable.
The way he's looking at you doesn't make it any easier either.
He's got this awestruck look on his face as soon as he realizes you're trying to confess.
Literally looks like he's just been shot with Cupid's strongest arrow it's so cute.
So as you're trying to confess he's just staring at you with eyes full of so much love and although its sweet, its also kind of intimidating for someone as shy as you!
How are you supposed to focus on choking out your confession when he's looking at you like that?
You can't for real, giving up midway through or he's gonna have to take over and let you know he feels the same way.
Although he'd love to hear you make it through the whole confession, he's very understanding of how nerve-wracking it can be!
Don't worry, he loves you so much already he'll just help you coax out your feelings later into your relationship because he is DEFINITELY asking you to be his partner right then and there.
Halsin:
Halsin is pretty old.
He's open about the fact that he's had many past lovers and committed partners.
He can smell your feelings for him a mile away. (Probably literally, the fuckin animal)
He's absolutely no stranger to confessions and he's probably so used to people approaching him to say they're attracted to him in some way.
So when you finally work up the nerve to confess your feelings for him, he watches you with a very amused look.
Of course he would never make fun of you! But he can't help but find it entertaining to watch you be so shy about it.
Despite all of his experience though he definitely gets butterflies in his stomach when you start with your (very rehearsed) confession.
He likes you a lot, adores everything about you, so when you're flustered and stumbling over your words he can't help but think about how precious it is.
Halsin is a very big man with very protective instincts. If it seems like your nerves are working you up an awful lot through this, he's definitely the type to scoop you into a hug and reassure you that you're not making a fool of yourself.
Although the hug would probably fluster you so much more than the initial confession.
He's patient too, so he won't cut you off or save you from what you're trying to say.
He'll stand there patiently with his arms crossed and smile lovingly at you while you clumsily say it.
He finds it very endearing, over all absolutely in love with all of your awkwardness.
He's also silent through the whole thing which, if you struggle to look him in the face while confessing, you might mistake his silence for rejection or expect him to have a disappointed look on his face.
Definitely doesn't help that now he's accidentally making you think the worst.
But don't worry, he'll give you the best bear cuddles of your life after he lets you know he feels just the same way of course.
Gale:
Ugh the love of my life!!!
Gale gets a lot of bad rep but he's such a gentleman, I love him.
I wouldn't say that Gale is shy like you but he's definitely a little hesitant to admit his feelings at first.
He's very much an 'all or nothing' kind of guy so if he's planning on confessing to you then it'll be properly planned out.
Honestly a little bummed out if you approach him first but only because he had this whole speech and stuff planned for when he finally decided to go all in LOL.
Absolutely overjoyed that you feel the same way though!
He's got a lot of self confidence issues (when I catch you Mystra šŸ‘Š)
So seeing you all shy and nervous to tell HIM that you LIKE him? He's on cloud 9.
Might feed his ego just the slightest bit.
He's just shocked that you like him, let alone like him enough to be nervous to tell him.
He'll listen to your entire confession and commit it all to memory, no matter how many times you get sidetracked due to your nerves.
He doesn't care, he's just too thrilled that you actually like him the poor man.
I wouldn't say that Gale doesn't have any game, he says that he's had lovers other than Mystra so that must mean that he pulls at least a little bit.
He's definitely awkward about relationships at the start though.
He doesn't know if it's too much too soon or if he's not being forward enough with his wants. Definitely an adjustment for him.
I feel like his sheer excitement definitely has him pulling you into a tight hug, which he'll apologize for after since he didn't ask permission first.
He'd definitely want to spend the rest of the day with you after and will pout like a puppy whenever you have to go, poor thing.
Astarion:
We all know that Astarion is a little shit.
Right out of the gate he's teasing you relentlessly.
Due to his own trauma, he'll think you're trying to hook up with him before he thinks you're just confessing your feelings.
Definitely flirtatious about it and very much trying to make you even more of a nervous wreck than you already are.
Probably asks you if fucking vampires is some kind of kink of yours, which you'll scramble to deny and it'll totally make him smirk all smug and shit.
When he realizes you're actually just telling him that you genuinely like him, his attitude changes.
Astarion is very familiar with being used but to have someone like him for him? He doesn't really know what to say.
He's embarrassed and his face is already flushing red as he hears you out.
His heart is absolutely swelling with affection though.
He's liked you for quite awhile but would never dare to tell you in fear of rejection or the fact that you might just want a sexual relationship with him.
He'd probably get pretty shy about telling you he feels the same way too.
He thinks it's so sweet watching you stumble over your words.
I honestly feel like he might end up on the verge of tears, his eyes always look so wet in game when he's saying something genuinely affectionate to Tav.
He's not fully comfortable with casual physical touch but he might gently hold your hand after it all and run his thumb over your knuckles.
Generally very soft with you for the rest of the day but don't think his sass is all gone.
After your initial confession he'll probably ask you if you're actually sure that you love someone like him šŸ˜­
If you're lucky and your nearly fumbled confession touches his heart deeply enough, he might apologize for how he teased you when you first tried to tell him how you feel.
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All of my writing is original work created by me. Please do not repost, translate, or alter them in any way.
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