#in the meantime we use memes to cope

[callsignsnix]

[the loyal pin + tumblr posts part 3]

[visualnovelzombie]

Furry Visual Novel Book Club: Echo Week 11 SPOILERS

Hi everyone, here is the SPOILER discussion post for “Echo - Leo’s Thursday and Friday”

Links: Previous - Next - Original - Spoiler Free Version

Feel free to respond in reblogs/replies/or asks :D

We start Thursday with Chase and Leo driving down the road, the two finally learning what happened to Carl. The ram was in the crawlspace left to wander about without Chase spending the night with him. Chase and Leo discuss Chase’s project, the two chiding to each other the merit of college in the process.

RANT: If you think Leo is a hard-line Republican/Trumper and use this part ‘evidence’, you can’t fucking read. Even without Howly’s Trump statement re:Leo retraction, that’s a VERY fucking different thing in 2016 and has a LOT of context. This liberal thing is literally Leo lashing out at his own failings/fall to pressure from his father, as well as his irrational anger over Pueblo ‘stealing’ Chase from him. This is the second time Leo expressed interest in College in someway, and is regurgitating hate/ignorant speech as a coping mechanism. Please learn to read and not just fucking meme.

They plan to meet with TJ later to make up for bailing on him Tuesday, and discuss filming out the rail-yard in the meantime. The scene changes to the rail-yard, the track ‘Oldwinds’ playing, a rustic American Western piece.

Insane Posting: Okay add this to my Samuel x Chase ship folder, lets go people lets go!

Chase films the rail-yard while Leo fetches water bottles, until eventually the rustling of grass startles Chase.

Okay now this is interesting in a ‘meta’ lore sense. So this is obviously some kind of supernatural being. Something fucking with Chase. I don’t think there’s enough evidence to say what yet, even Socketman right here and right now doesn’t track to much. But more importantly it’s described as dragging, similar to the ‘slithering’. I think this gives more credence that the entity that chases after Carl and Chase in Carl’s route isn’t necessarily the entity that stalks Sam and Chase in the Murder Pitt. Maybe it’s just how some/all of the entities move on a physical space.

While trying to find the source of the sound, Leo arrives on the scene, scaring Chase.

Everyone bullies my poor otter boy... and that makes him kinnie

Come Over begins to play as Chase asks Leo how he made the dragging noise, to which Leo acts completely clueless to. Distracted by Chase’s stomach, the two end up flirting with each other, rubbing and admiring each other’s body.

Another reference to Route 65, the two sharing another moment together in this place that means... everything to them. They’re begging, end... and beginning of the end. Chase’s ‘Sunset Station’ if you will.

They kiss gently… at first. The sudden shock encouraging them to make out more fully. Before the two can continue, Kudzu shows up, catching the two in their PDA. The track changes to Neutral as the conversation shifts. The raccoon teases the pair but otherwise partakes in casual conversion with them afterwards. Leo thanks the raccoon for helping the two last night, the track Quiet playing as the conversation shifts. Kudzu warns Leo that Clint is being more violent and the pair should avoid him. Leo becomes more and more agitated at the insinuation that Clint threatened Chase.

Sidenote: AWOOGA. Thank you Howly, Based God, for including full muzzle wolf kisses in Latino Wolf simulator route. Truly a visionary ahead of his time.

Chase changes the conversation topic, inviting Kudzu to the park with the pair and TJ. The group pick up TJ off screen and on route to a park in Payton, we learn that Chase isn’t a good swimmer when compared to other otters. Closer to the park itself, Chase and TJ talk in the backseat, the lynx admitting to Chase that he felt like the trip was a mistake, and he felt like he shouldn’t have come. 

Chase very literally ignoring everyone for his and Leo’s sake again. Also more of the coldness Chase generally has towards TJ... more ‘evidence’ the Chase we see on that Route isn’t fully him IMO. This definitely calls into question how good of a friend Chase is, and if anything how Leo and Chase treat everyone else when they’re together is the most outright toxic and rude thing they do with each other that is probably harder to ‘fix’ than most things.

…Before the mood can shit to much the group arrives at the field, dividing the teams for a match of soccer.

TJ completely dominates the game and the group laugh about the imbalance in players. As the group prepare to leave, Chase and Kudzu have a moment to themselves to talk. Chase apologies for being racist and the conversation turns cold, with Kudzu hinting at something heavy happening to the him whilst in Payton.

The scene cuts to later, with Chase returning to the rail-yard for more footage.

Two important things here that are back to back. Chase literally goes out of his way to make the town look WORSE than it already his. His mind is so poisoned and made up about the place, that he’ll make sure everyone else feels the same way. Poising his own-well and all that.

As Leo’s motif/time of day is the setting sun, this is also a ‘foreshadow’ or hint towards what’s coming. No matter what happens with Leo... it has to end. They’re to far gone in their delusion and lack of communication to fix things. The Sun WILL set on the two... Bittersweet and all.

Clint wanders into the rail-yard while on a walk, eventually noticing Chase. He’s high on something and doesn’t remember the night before. Chase notices he has a gun in his pocket and tries to keep him calm..Clint talks to Chase, ignorant but not completely hateful… at least to being gay itself. and gives his perspective on Leo.

We get more of Leo’s anger and rage here. Leo took out his feelings, and continues to do so, by bullying those weaker than him. Clint not having a place to relax or be himself, with his home life dominated by his abusive father, and social life dominated by Leo... the ringtail ended up ‘worse’ arguably because of Leo. While child-selfishness and anger and Echo’s general ability to ramp up negative emotions, even outside of the Hysteria, is definitely call to ‘shield’ Leo, Chase and the audience is finally starting to learn that there’s an anger and darkness deeper down that we’ve been shown so far.

Clint seemingly threatens Chase with a gun, demanding to know why he’s out here. Chase calms him down by referencing his camera, and Clint tells Chase a story about someone dying the in 50’s hopping trains. Clint reveals his father would always tell him that story, and that sometimes he sees the man in it, even purposely coming to the rail-yard to see him at times. Clint walks off afterwards and Chase hurries back to Leo’s house.

When Chase arrives, Leo is eating a TV Dinner, having ‘cooked’ one for Chase as well. Chase asks Leo if the wolf ‘bullied’ Clint, and Leo almost admits to it… before the cheapness of the TV dinner causes the two to jokingly tease each other back and forth it with, the two man-handling each other on the couch as a result.

Insane Posting: Hi, my local goon cave called and they requested both of these go up on the wall, framed and blown up to 5x6 feet each... But more seriously Howly’s... ‘interest’ in Latino men (Looking at Leo and Devon) is on full blast here... and by god am I looking.

Two two fall asleep on the couch together, both exhausted from the day

Insane Posting: Chase’s musky ass didn’t shower and Leo was fucking smooshing him into that couch... Hot

Friday opens with the two at the library, Chase actually working on his project doing some research. Chase learns that the man in the story was real, and that he reported being saved by some creature.

HOWLY PLEASE. Literally learning the cost of staying with him like this. Not learning or changing, but literally dangling his legs into the abyss.

Leo bugs Chase to grab dinner and the two make plans on where to eat.

This is such a dark and twisted view into Leo. Up until now, beyond anger issues, he’s been relatively ‘okay’. But this is where thing turn manipulative and truly concerning. Not only for what he’s doing, but for outright lying to Chase. Leo’s a troubled man, and this turn to outright manipulation and control to get what he wants is dark and fascinating... It isn’t enough for me to ‘cancel’ him myself, or completely disavow the two (as highlighted later), but it’s definitely one of the very much actual ‘red flags’ Leo displays. This is where he’s at his lowest point in my opinion. There’s a difference between coddling and ignoring the situation he’s manipulating (Agreeing with Chase with the music, only pulling strings) to OUTRIGHT lying, bringing it up to put others down... to lessen them to Chase. One of the more intense things Leo does in the whole novel.

The two eat at a steakhouse, Leo insisting he buys, and on the way back they take a detour to Payton High, the pair’s old school. They reminiscence about school, Intimate begins to play. Chase mentions he would repeat high-school to fix mistakes, while Leo wants to relive it for its own sake. Chase learns that Leo is deeply tied to his past, upset he doesn’t feel the same anymore. 

This is their doomed fate I love so much. They share interests, mutual body attractiveness, displays of affection, and bond and find comfort in each other... but fundamentally they want or need different things. Echo bound them together, anchoring each other to the rocks of the craggy shore... And in that web of mistrusts and falsehoods and circumstance... love bloomed. Leo and Chase truly care for each other, they truly want each other to be happy, and both WANT to be happy with the other. But their rock, their flag in the sand, their Rubicon... IS Echo. It IS the game. It IS the point. The point isn’t that they’re toxic and abusive and hate each other deep down. It’s that they’ve built themselves up and torn themselves down on the idea of the past, both positive and negative. Of Echo, of the Town itself, of The Entity and the Player and of Sam, of the things that make up the ugly and good: together. It’s tied together fused forcibly and neither of them are able to TRULY dissect and separate themselves from it (Insert Micha in Brian’s trailer) from it. Sure Chase agrees to try Echo again... but only for Leo himself, not because he’s okay with the idea, or receptive to loving or even just living in the town. It’s all at a cost to himself, to his freedom, and to each other. The two can’t move on or find happiness when neither of them is truly willing to compromise... and that’s why they’ll be each other’s Sunset. That’s why they can’t work... because just like this town, they’re only moving in circles...

Chase comforts the wolf, the two embracing on the stadium stand.

This is where my main ‘defense’ of Leo comes from. He’s a troubled man but he’s willing to try and learn. He’s willing to make himself better, to make his partner happy. Deep down all he wants is TO love, to provide and be with someone who makes him happy. His motives are good... his actions aren’t the smartest.

Leo pours his heart out to Chase, begging him to stay. Chase is hesitant, not wanting to stay tied to the town. Leo tells Chase to try again after school, even if it’s just for awhile. So that they’ll know for sure.

And the crux of it all.. Leo wants closure. Three years ago Chase just didn’t break his heart, but left the wolf in state of chaos. He couldn’t move on, couldn’t accept the hand fate dealt him. Leo wants that chance. He truly believes that Chase and him CAN work, that the two deserve to TRY. Leo wants to give what’s in his heart to someone else... He doesn’t take the best actions, hell he probably doens’t know HOW to. But the wolf is trying... trying to fight for what he wants. The fact its wrong and sick makes it even more compelling...

Damn Chase... what else is going to STRIKE you.... But more seriously, the author is reminding/foreshadowing that ignoring everything comes at a cost...

The track Bittwerseet begins to play when Chase chooses Leo. 

...

The two embrace and kiss passionately on the stadium steps, the two feeling each other’s love.

The scene switches to the two on Leo’s bed, the two doing a bit more than ‘fooling around’. The scene cuts to afterwards, Leo singing in the shower with Chase on the bed. Leo’s phone wakes up the groggy otter and we’re met with a Choice…

And that’s where we’ll cut it for here. This part was EXTREMELY emotionally taxing (positive) so I wanted it to be a bit shorter, and this next part needed to be cut in half for the Spoiler Free version. Feel free to choose either option and read until the next choice (this screen):

Sidenote: I love this visual bug when fast forwarding to this screen LMAO.

For next Week, Spoiler will be in one post and you can read as normal, but Spoiler Free will be separated into two separate posts. I would recommend waiting until the end of the Route to read the ‘other’ side, but this changes will reconvene after the choice that leads to the next day.

Thank you again everyone, and especially listen to me rant about Leo Alvarez for forever ~

[itistimetodisappear]

Feeling very discouraged about US politics tonight. I really thought Bernie would be doing better than this. I'll show up to vote in November even if Biden wins, but I'm not going to like it, and I may have to stop looking at the news in the meantime as watching pundit types crowing disgusts me.

Yeah this is a mood. But its a mood i’m all too familiar with at this point. See, I’ve got duel UK/US citizenship and I can vote in both countries. Everytime vote results come in (which has been 5 times over the last four years for me) the world has moved further right. I am the biggest supporter of leftwing politics but If I get too invested, it would hurt too much to be constantly let down like that. So I have to detach myself from it all to cope honestly. 

At this point, the general public isn’t gonna accept that capitalism is going to kill us until it does. People in power don’t seem to care about natural disasters so I think some economic disaster is gonna have to happen, like a market crash. Either that or we wait until millennials/jen z become the core voter base. And by that time, it might be too late to stop things like climate change. We’re in a pickle that, if I think about too much, could be bad for me mentally. I’ll go to the polls to vote the most left-wing option every time. Still promote leftwing stuff. Still reblog bernie memes. But yeah that’s where i’m at rn

[setmeatopthepyre]

Mental Health Tips

So, I was looking through my mood tracker recently and realized there’s been a gradual but undeniable increase of good days and a decrease of bad days, and it hit me that yeah, I have been doing better and better. I’m not being hyperbolic when I say that getting my ADHD diagnosis in January was a life changer. There’s a (great) book on ADD called You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy? and that was exactly how I felt. Wait, all the things I’ve been struggling with, all the times I beat myself up over my lack of discipline or worried that I had a brain tumor because I’d forget things in seconds or thought I might be bipolar because I could go from the highest highs to extreme lows multiple times a day, that was all because of one thing? Amazing!

Anyway, realization is one thing. Then there was medication (also a life changer), and therapy, and look where we are now! Over the past year I’ve learned a few things that have had a huge positive impact on my mental health, and I thought they might be useful for others struggling with their mental health, whether it’s ADHD or something else.

You’re not the only one

Just to start off nice and cheesy, but it’s true. The reason it might feel like you’re the only one dealing with what you’re dealing with and struggling to do what seems so easy to others, is because mental health is still stigmatized and not something people generally talk about. But that doesn’t mean they don’t know it.

When I got my diagnosis, I talked about it a lot. Part of it was hyperfocus; it was something that was on my mind a lot so it became my one subject to fall back on. However, another part of it was knowing that if I’d known what ADHD really was earlier, my life would have been so much better so much sooner. At times I was sure I brought it up too much, but I’m glad I did. Being open about my mental health issues made people around me open up about theirs. Whether it’s people you know IRL or a tumblr page with mental health memes, that affirmation that other people have the same quirks and struggles as you do helps so much.

The bare minimum is better than nothing

Yes, it’s obvious. It’s still something I struggle with because there’s that little voice that goes ‘yes, but I should be able to do more’. Guess what? That there thought qualifies as not one, but two negative thinking patterns: should-statements and all-or-nothing thinking. Just because you think you should be able to do something doesn’t mean that’s the best choice for you, or realistic. Besides, who says you should? Society? Society knows nothing.

Thinking you should just be able to do all your dishes but getting overwhelmed at the prospect of doing so isn’t helpful. Washing a single dish, or even just rinsing one because that’s all you can manage? That’s still better than nothing.

That said, yes, strive for progress over perfection, but remember that progress is not the bare minimum. Sometimes, the bare minimum is maintaining the status quo, or even just making sure things get slightly less worse than they could have. And that is okay.

Remove steps & automate

Speaking of which: often it’s possible to make the absolute minimum easier. How? By removing obstacles, simplifying things so that they don’t take as many steps or spoons to complete. If your laundry basket is in the bathroom while you tend to undress in your bedroom, that’s where you move your laundry basket. Personally, even having a laundry basket with a lid on it is too many steps for me most of the time. If I can’t chuck my dirty clothes right in, they end up in a pile on the floor. Solution: my laundry basket is within throwing range and doesn’t have a lid.

It only has to work for you

Sure, society dictates that clean clothes go in a wardrobe or a dresser. That’s just the way it’s done. But guess what? When clean clothes start piling up all over my room because I can’t bring up the energy or focus or whatever to put them away, I break out boxes. One box for clean laundry. One box for clothing I’ve worn but isn’t dirty yet. And then the laundry basket goes right beside those boxes in my room, in plain sight. That’s my system until I feel better. If I’m feeling up for it, there’s an extra box so that I can divide my clean clothes up between ‘large’ (aka pants and shirts) and ‘small’ (underwear and socks) to make it easier on myself when I get dressed. Did my laundry? Clean clothes go in the clean clothes box. Wore something but it still smells okay and there’s no stains? Toss them at the ‘worn’ box.

Is it how “things are done” normally? No. Does it mean my clothes are even more crumpled than usual? Yes. However, it also means that there’s less clutter in my room, it’s easier to find something to wear, and there’s less risk of me just living in a pile of trash because my room’s a mess anyway.

Your idea of progress may be different from others. Your coping mechanisms might not work for other people. Your adaptive behaviours may not line up with societal expectations, and that’s fine! In fact, that’s more than fine, because they shouldn’t. They only have to work for you.

Remove forks

So the whole spoon theory is fairly well known in mental health circles, but reading about the Fork Theory was an eye-opener for me. It’s explained here, but because reading that article is another extra step (ooh, so meta), here’s the most important bit:

You know the phrase, “Stick a fork in me, I’m done,” right?

Well, Fork Theory is that one has a Fork Limit, that is, you can probably cope okay with one fork stuck in you, maybe two or three, but at some point you will lose your shit if one more fork happens.

A fork could range from being hungry or having to pee to getting a new bill or a new diagnosis of illness. There are lots of different sizes of forks, and volume vs. quantity means that the fork limit is not absolute. I might be able to deal with 20 tiny little escargot fork annoyances, such as a hangnail or slightly suboptimal pants, but not even one “you poked my trigger on purpose because you think it’s fun to see me melt down” pitchfork.

This is super relevant for neurodivergent folk. Like, you might be able to deal with your feet being cold or a tag, but not both. Hubby describes the situation as “It may seem weird that I just get up and leave the conversation to go to the bathroom, but you just dumped a new financial burden on me and I already had to pee, and going to the bathroom is the fork I can get rid of the fastest.”

It’s close to the whole ‘removing steps’ thing, but less about making a task easier and more about giving you space to deal with things.

What this means for me is that when I’m having a less than stellar day mentally, I pay extra attention to what clothes I put on in the morning. Nothing too tight, nothing even slightly scratchy. It may be a tiny fork in the morning, but if I’m in a socially difficult situation, it might be a tiny fork too many that will lead to me being overwhelmed or overstimulated. I need to make sure I’m as comfortable as absolutely possible, aka remove as many forks as I can. Sometimes this means shaving my legs even though I think it’s bullshit that I care about that, or wearing clothes that draw as little attention to me as possible. No, I don’t want to care about what others think, but the truth is that part of me does, and I can’t change that right that instant. What I can do is minimize the chance that I get overwhelmed on an already stressful day.

Forks don’t have to be annoyances. They can also be tasks you keep putting off or something you keep reminding yourself of. Sometimes having a self-care day for me means doing all the easy things I’ve been meaning to do for ages but haven’t gotten around to. Sometimes it’s writing down all the things that are buzzing around in my brain, just so that I can assure myself I don’t have to remember them anymore because they’re on paper now. Sometimes it’s turning off notifications for specific apps because seeing them pop up makes me feel guilty when I’m not in the right frame of mind to respond.

Sometimes removing a fork costs spoons, like when I’m at a restaurant with a friend and I know that sitting in a spot where people walk by behind me is a pretty big fork for me, but removing it means asking them if they mind switching spots. That’s when it helps to be open about what you’re dealing with, because most of my close friends know by now that I always prefer to sit with my back to a wall, and I don’t even have to ask.

Compromise and automate

Back to the should-thinking. Sometimes removing forks means throwing all the shoulds out the window because they just aren’t working right now, and you’ll get back to them later. As I mentioned earlier, I don’t think I should care about what other people think, but I’m not there yet, so sometimes making life easier for me means compromising on that and conforming to societal standards if I know I’m going to need everything I have to get through a day. Another example: I feel like I should buy whole vegetables and cut them myself and cook my own meals, because pre-cut and prepackaged things are often more expensive and just contribute to more plastic waste. Okay, cool, but that ideal version of me who has the time and energy to do that hasn’t shown up yet, and in the meantime I need to eat. Buying a pre-packaged meal with actual vegetables in it is still cheaper than ordering pizza because I can’t get myself to cook, and it’s still healthier than trying to fill up on crackers because I couldn’t deal with the social aspect of opening the door for the pizza delivery. 

Sometimes, in order to remove steps, you have to compromise. Sometimes, in order to remove another worry (aka fork), you have to automate. When I first started on meds, I would write down the time I took them, calculate when I’d need to take my next dose, and set an alarm. It made me procrastinate taking my next dose, because it was too many steps. There was an app that did all that for me, but I thought it was ridiculous to pay for an app that did exactly what I should be able to do myself. 

I bought the app. I tap one button and my phone sends me a notification when my next dose is due. I have my phone on silent/no vibrate all the time, because notifications are overwhelming to me, so I have an activity tracker watch that lets me reroute only specific notifications to my watch, and now my watch vibrates when I need to take my next dose. I know this isn’t an option for everyone because obviously those things cost money (and it just goes to show how life is so much easier for the rich because they can automate so much), but if there’s any way to turn something you have to do often into something that will do itself mostly on its own, it may be worth looking into. Yes, even when you think you should be able to do it yourself. 

Are you sure the thing you’re worrying about is a problem?

This may seem super simple and obvious, but I legit had to change the ‘worry flowchart’ my therapist gave me to have an extra first step: ‘Do I have proof the problem exists?’ Spoiler: most of the time the answer is no.

I’m running late, I’m not sure if I’m going to make my bus to work. I’m stressing out about what will happen if I’m late. Maybe my superiors will get angry at me. Maybe this will be one too many times. But guess what? I don’t know if I’ll miss the bus. I might still make it. Until I know for certain that I’m going to be late, there’s no use worrying about what might happen. Even if I end up being late, I don’t have any proof that my superiors will be angry with me. I don’t know yet if the problem even exists, so why act like it does?

Another example: I can beat myself up over the fact that people think I’m lazy because I need to take a break. I feel terrible. I don’t want them to think I’m lazy! I can’t relax even though I desperately need to take a break. I told my therapist, and he asked me for proof. Do I have irrefutable proof that people think I’m lazy? Of course not, that’s an assumption I make. Am I a mind reader? No, I just tend to assume the worst. Okay, so why am I worrying about it if I’m not even sure the problem actually exists? Right.

This is not a moral failing and it does not affect your worth

Building on that: even if people think I’m lazy (and I don’t have proof that’s true!), that doesn’t mean their opinion is fact. Their perception of me is not a moral failing on my part. My therapist made me provide proof for and against the hypotheses that I was lazy, and there was way more proof against that statement. At the time, I was in school four days a week, working three, and had two other projects on the side. If, for example, my parents thought I was lazy for having no energy to do chores on my one free day in two months, (again, I had no proof they even thought that), they would’ve simply been wrong. They could’ve thought it all they wanted, but it did not mean I was lazy.

A lot of symptoms of mental health issues can be perceived by others as negative character traits, and that’s one of the reasons it’s so difficult to discuss sometimes. The thing is: their perceptions and opinions do not actually reflect on you or in any way determine your worth. Your brain going about things differently than theirs is as much your fault as needing glasses is (it isn’t).

And last but not least:

Emotion comes first (and goes last)

That sounds nice and cryptic, right? What I mean is that knowing your immediate reaction to something is unnecessary and that things aren’t as bad as they seem is different from feeling it. Your knee-jerk reaction is going to be emotion. Likewise, it’ll take a while before your emotions catch up with where your brain is going when you reroute your thoughts away from negative places.

The RSD, or Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, that comes with ADHD means that sometimes I have extreme negative emotional reactions to situations. When someone responds a little less enthusiastically than what I’m used to, for example, or when friends talk about something they did without me (even if I wouldn’t have wanted to do that particular thing and they know that), or even when someone didn’t hear what I said, it can cause this void to just open up in my chest and swallow every sense of happiness I may have been feeling. It happens suddenly and drags me straight down to my lowest point.

Lately, in those moments, I’ve been able to check in with myself and analyze what it was that triggered this meltdown. Thanks mostly to therapy I can rationalize that things aren’t so bad, and I can claw my way out of that pit, but that always comes one step after that first instinctual emotional reaction. Likewise, knowing things are fine does not mean the negative emotions disappear straight away. They take some time to dissipate, and I’m a little more emotionally vulnerable for a bit while they do. Emotion happens first, and leaves last.

It can be disheartening. It can feel like progress isn’t being made, but that very realization is progress, even if you’re not feeling it yet. Emotions follow the path they know best, and if for you, like me, that path is automatically assuming the worst, you’re gonna feel the emotions associated with that for a while, even when you rationally know it’s all crap. The thing is, practice makes perfect, and redirecting your thoughts into a more positive direction will, eventually, make that path the easiest one to find. Your feelings may take a little while to figure it out, but they’ll find that path eventually.

I’m not saying I’m cured. I’m not saying I know everything. I have bad days and struggles and all that, but I have been doing better. 

I mentioned it briefly at the beginning of all of this, but I started tracking my mood in July. It’s just one general mood a day, which obviously doesn’t quite display the ups and downs I deal with, but I tried to log the average for the day. I started doing so because I sort of knew I was doing better and better but of course once you get used to something, it becomes the new normal and it’s hard to tell when progress happens, so I tracked it:

[phandomphightclub]

Phinal Round, First Place Match: @reallydumbdannyphantomaus vs. @heyheyitsstillgay

The ring was repaved. Vic and Tali were back in their seats. Tucker had finally gotten some decent food.

Finally, finally, everything was ready for the final battle.

“Bug versus Anri, huh?” Tucker asked.  “Is it too late to place bets?”

“Who would you bet for?” Danny asked in return.

“Probably Bug, honestly,” he said after taking a big bite from his burger.  “They might be a pain, but they’re apparently pretty good.  Not a ton of ghosts can get the whole duplication thing down.”

“I’d still vote for Anri,” Sam argued.  “They’ve got more raw power.  Plus it looks like they have more abilities than they let on.”

“Well, there’s only one way to find out who’s gonna win!”  Tali said brightly as the two ghosts once again entered the ring.

“Our phinal match here, pholks!  Winner gets all glory, honor, bragging rights, and a year’s supply of free Denny’s pancakes.”

“Really?”  Danny perked up at that.  The Denny’s might not have the greatest food, but their pancakes were pretty good.  And a year’s supply of free ones?  He might enter the tournament next time for that.

“Really!  So let’s get this phight started!  From the Observant’s Keep, a ghost who once tried to eat fake grass out of an escape room, we have Reallydumbdannyphantomaus!”

“That was one time!”  They shouted up at Tali, who just laughed.

“And their opponent from Nightmare Valley, a ghost with memes so dank they can’t be seen by the mortal eye, Heyheyitsstillgay!”

They waved to the crowd with a staff made entirely out of Danno faces.

“PHIGHT!”

Bug extended their PowerPoint staff like a lightsaber, red glow and all.  “Ready to finish this, binch?”

“I died ready.”

They two ghosts clashed over the freshly-paved center of the ring.  The Danno staff squealed each time it made contact with Bug’s PowerSaber.

“Is that, like, gonna burn your face too?”  Tucker asked Danny.  “Like some kind of voodoo or something?”

“Shut up, Tucker,” Sam said offhand, her entire attention glued to the fight.

Anri brought her Danno staff down in a heavy overhand blow, putting more of their extra-dense weight into the attack.  Bug blocked, using all four of their arms to hold up the PowerSaber.

“You… have strength, I’ll give you that,” Bug said through gritted teeth.  They couldn’t have blocked that attack if they’d used any of their energy on making duplicates; this was going to be tough.

“I’ve got more than that. I’ve been around longer than you can imagine,” They said, their face inches from Bug’s.  “My core is ancient and fueled by things you’ve only seen in your nightmares.”

“Your… core, huh?” Bug asked, getting an idea.  Twisting and diverting Anri’s staff, they slipped one hand free to punch them in the gut.  Anri grunted and gave Bug an opening to dart away.

“You’re not gonna break my core that easily,” Anri said, spinning her staff and coming back in swinging. Bug snapped theirs into two halves, blocking with one red-glowing half and striking Anri’s side with the other.

“I don’t plan on breaking it.”  Bug smirked. Then they plunged one half of the PowerSaber into Anri’s unprotected stomach.

Anri stopped for a moment, stunned at the wound – but then, as Danny knew would happen, the dark energy began coalescing around it.

“What’s Bug thinking?” He asked.  “They know Anri can’t be beat like that!”

“Why not?”  Sam asked.  That’s right, she and Tucker weren’t there for that match.

“They’ve got a special power.  Instead of being fueled by ectoplasm, the inside of their form is – well, just watch.”

The memes began to trickle from Anri’s stomach as they pulled out the Power Saber.

“You’re in for it now.” They grinned ominously.  But to their surprise, Bug grinned back and stabbed the half of the PowerSaber they had left into the ground.  The projector screen unfurled from it, casting blinding light onto Anri.

“That’s not going to—”

But blinding wasn’t what Bug had in mind.  The two halves of the saber created a link – one that siphoned the memes from Anri’s form and projected them onto the screen.

“What – no!”  Anri shouted, feeling their form begin to droop as it lost its power.  Bug folded two hands behind their back, using the other two to point to the presentation.

“And if you’ll look at this diagram, you’ll see the different types of memes that Anri contains broken down by type and percentage.  I would draw your attention to this slice of the pie chart, which depicts the percentage of bad Danno edits.  It’s unusually high in comparison to the other types of memes, though they are all equally impressive…”

“You can’t just – my memes – my PowerPoint slides – how can you take them from me!?”

Bug pointed to the half of the saber that Anri still held.  “You did that to yourself, my good binch.  You should’ve kept your hands to yourself.”

“NOOOOO!”

And with that last shout, Anri’s flesh prison deflated completely.  We won’t describe what that looked like, because we’re sure it’s already frightening enough, and probably wasn’t suitable for children to watch.  However, the Denny’s does not have insurance for psychic and/or emotional damage caused by exposure to any of the phights, so hopefully everyone could deal with it on their own, or had officially-licensed, non-Spectra therapists who could help them cope.

“Dude, are they gonna be okay?”  Tucker asked.

“Oh, Anri?”  Tali laughed.  “Don’t worry, they do that about once a century.  They’ll replace those memes with even worse ones and come back stronger than ever.  Kind of like molting, or something.  But in the meantime everyone can press F to pay respects.”

Danny looked down and saw a tiny button labeled F on the armrest of his chair.  He pressed it.

Tali blew her kazoo to the tune of Never Gonna Give You Up.  Every verse.  All three minutes and fifty-six seconds of it.  The crowd listened with their arms raised in a respectful dab.  Danny figured he might as well dab too, and eventually even Sam caught on to the mood and obliged.

When the song was over, Tali finally said the fated words.

“Heyheyitsstillgay is unable to battle!  Reallydumbdannyphantomaus wins!”

XXX

“Tucker!  Sam!  Wait!”  A voice called as Danny was about to fly them out of the Denny’s.

“Oh great.”  A resigned glare slid over Sam’s face as she turned to the ghost.  Of course, it had to be Bug.  The one ghost she’d wanted to see get their butt kicked, and it never even happened.

“What do you want?” Tucker grumbled.  “Come to make fun of us again?”

“No, well, actually…” Bug ruffled their blue hair with one hand, two others fidgeting in front of them. “I came to make up.  Here.”

With their last remaining hand, they held out three CDs, one for each of the friends.  Sam took hers with a critical glare.

“Exactly what you think?”  She read the title.  Bug’s signature was scrawled below it.

“It’s the song I wrote for the phinal.  As a friendship gift.”

“If I wanted some lame music, I would’ve gotten something signed by Ember.”

Danny elbowed her, and her she winced.  Okay, maybe it wasn’t fair to hold a grudge for something Bug said one time.  It wasn’t like they had to go out of the way to give them something.

“Sorry,” she muttered. “Thanks.”

“What song is it?” Tucker asked, a little more brightly. He’d never learned to hold a grudge like she did.

“You’ll see!”  They grinned.  “But if you want to know just how lame my music is before that, come watch the closing ceremonies of the Phight.”

“Closing ceremonies?” Danny asked.

“What, Tali didn’t tell you? She does forget a lot.  Anyway, we’re holding it out in the ring in a few minutes, if you’ve got time!  See ya!”

They flew back out of the Denny’s, leaving Danny, Tucker, and Sam confused.  They shared a glance, but figured they already knew what they’d be doing.

“So… who’s up for one last blast in the ghost zone?”

XXX

A few minutes later, the stadium was packed again, this time with ghosts holding candles over their heads. As Danny didn’t have a candle himself, he settled for lighting the tip of his finger and swaying it in time with the music that Bug began to sing.  Tali backed them up on kazoo, putting her soul into the tune’s melancholy air.

Oh Danno boy The phights, the phights are calling From den to den and through this portal side The show is on and all the blows are falling Tis you tis you must go and I must bide But bring ye back when Denny’s is reopened Or when the ring is hushed and in limbo It’s I’ll be here in sunshine or in shadow Oh Danno boy oh Danno boy I love you so.

Danny turned at the sound of sniffling.

“What?”  Tucker asked, drying his eyes on his beret.  “It’s a very emotional song!”

Sam sighed and patted his shoulder, to which he mumbled a thank you.

Then slowly and more orderly than they had after any of the phights, the ghosts began to filter away. Almost like they too were mourning the end of a tournament that they’d all enjoyed.  As they left, Danny pondered the lyrics.

“Does this mean… the Denny’s is closing?”

“Only physically,” Tali said, suddenly appearing beside him.  “But in our hearts, the Denny’s is forever.”

“I’m not sure if that was sappy or ominous,” Sam said.

“Both.”  Tali smiled.  “We’ll still be around, but we’ll be on the downlow until the next Phight.”

“When’s that?”  Tucker asked.

“Next year, probably. It’s a lot of work to run a Phight Club on nothing but a few pancakes and the money we conned out of Vlad.  But don’t worry, it’ll come sooner than you know it!”

And somehow, in spite of all the crazy things that had happened in the past month of watching the Phight, Danny looked forward to it.

[catchtheflames]

so since I’ve started therapy I’m probably going to be back here more often because memes are my coping mechanism I guess but too many people I know in real life are on instagram following me, as always tumblr is the best semi public sad space. here are some things that are happening/have happened:

- my boss told me today that my permanent contract has come through for me to sign next week. i don’t want to be in this role forever (it’s NDIS related, therefore extremely admin heavy and limited in what I can do for people) but as far as letting the new grad smell wear off and getting some experience this is a great opportunity for me, and I really believe in the org and their values. we have a new ceo and my boss has hinted at a more intensive social work role materialising over time so I’ll give it a couple of years and see what happens

- in the meantime my husband and I are going to use my permanent status to buy a house (he earns more than I do but looks worse to banks due to the nature of his work being so contractual and all over the shop). after that point I’ll reassess the job situation and maybe think about moving on to a role that I can really sink my teeth into

- to be honest my job has been pretty much wiping me out every week even though I’m only on 4 days, I feel like I’m just resurfacing now into thinking about doing things outside of work. still trying to figure out how much fatigue is normal and how much could be other heath stuff, I am convinced that something is not right and hasn’t been for years but not having much luck getting to the bottom of it.

- my brother in law and his fiance broke up which has had a greater impact on me than I would have thought (because I always expect things to not impact me at all pfft silly.) 

- they’ve been together for nearly as long as Isaac and I so it really is like loosing a sister, I love her so much and I’m worried about her, it was his decision and it sounds like it was out of the blue to her, even though there had been tension for years

- basically it’s the strange winter 

[caconymhypocrisy]

Private Journal Entry - Feb.2, 2021

I haven’t made a to-do list in quite some time. Life was always the same things: same girl, same routine, same job same, set of problems. Same lifestyle. And I think that was the issue: the lifestyle.

Yet I carry it with me. We would drink all the time together. That was a problem we were working on together. Now I drink alone. And now I don’t have anyone to help deal with it. Or I don’t have anyone to drink with. I’m not sure which is the better way to look at it.

So, the first thing on my list was to text my ex. (Not the one I just broke up with.) She was my (used to be close) friend [G]. She and I were very close through high school. I helped her through a breakup, and we shared the same small circle of friends. We dated for a few months after a few years of platonic friendship…

Then, we just kind of fell apart.

We stayed it touch. She moved away. But things were different.

It’s strange thinking about her. We haven’t talked in so long, partly because my last recent partner would have been jealous. In fact, that’s the only reason. Despite our strange short “romantic” relationship, we had been close friends. Good friends. Supportive and understanding. Listening. Whatever. I guess it’s just a quality I miss, something that my current “guy friends” can’t really help with.

Other shit on my list is just bull. Fix the breaks on the car, clean the closet, contact EDD, and organize clothes. Whatever else.

Some strange shit did happen today, speaking of clothes. I sent an email to my recent girl. I wasn’t sure it was a good idea. But through all this emotional turmoil I… have just been thinking about her a lot. Worried. I was concerned so I sent her a fucking email. Is that bad? I just wanted to know if she was ok.

She didn’t respond.

But also, I asked for some clothes back.

When I arrived home from work, her dad was dropping off a few bags of clothes. That was awkward as fuck. I tried to avoid him.

The ex, [G], from high school is awesome. The big reason we fell apart was because of my last girlfriend. Also, [G] holds my virgin card. I told the last girlfriend about that, and since then she was always jealous when I talked about her. But she was a HOMIE. [G] was my really close friend. I hope we can reconnect about that.

And now she moved on with her life, got her shit together, she’s become some sort of fitness coach or some shit. And I, in the meantime, have gained some weight, lost some muscles, and started writing dumb-ass posts to the internet where no one will even read it.

We used to drink together. We started drinking together. Shit, maybe I was a bad influence on her. Maybe she can help me. I need to reach out to her. I think she’s been clean for a while now... I can’t even remember the last time we talked.

Funny how this is now a part of my emotional tangent, part of my purging outlet – I sought the evaluation of strangers through an online platform, a place where the most mundane of embarrassments will make some front page of a meme account, and no one has looked at a single post.

I feel sad.

It’s interesting how ridicule or criticism can be preferable to ignorance. Even if someone hates you, at least they care enough about you to say it. To be left in the dark, ignored, that hurts worse. That’s how you know that she really doesn’t care.

Anyway, this was my way of dealing with it. And now, I feel melancholy. “Woe is me,” you dumb fuck. Stop talking to yourself and stop pretending strangers will be interested in anything you have to say.

Here’s something that hurt even worse: my friend said he saw her [the recent one] on a dating site -- the day after I broke up with her. I thought she was hurt. I thought we left things open. I did it directly, but politely, and I thought she was hurt. I thought there was still a chance for us; she wanted there to be a chance. I left it open. She cried. I cried. I just wanted some space, and maybe... But the day after? God, maybe she didn’t care.

Does anyone like Star Wars?

Through the years, depression occurs for most. Depressed early on, I learned to leave reality and explore the imaginary world of fantasy. Fuck reality.

This is not a healthy way to cope with things. I’m drunk, AND mad. But seriously, too much of my time is spent in worlds like LOTR and not enough in real life.

Now posts like these have become my means for escape from... 

I want to say some bottomless pit or some other creative and vivid description of words to describe this feeling that is ultimately... just a normal human emotion. 

I bet everyone experiences something like this in their lives. Loss and conflict.

And now I’m typing to no one on the internet about it. Wow. So sad.

So, I’m going to reach out to [G] tomorrow. (It’s on the to-do list.) Maybe she’ll have some constructive things to say. Maybe she’ll hear me, unlike these cold lighted words on this fucking computer that I’ve been staring at for the last 8 hours.

Be a better person, you dumb fucking fuck. God, posting self-depreciating shit on Tumblr now… fuck. Do something.

[jalilaloui]

How Humor Can Ease the Stress of COVID-19

Key Takeaways

Studies show that humor has the power to reduce fear and anxiety, resolve conflicts, and help weather disappointments. There are many ways to find humor and keep your spirits up during these challenging times. We've all heard the popular saying, "Laughter is the best medicine." But does that type of thinking apply to something as serious as a global pandemic? Most psychologists would say yes. Humor helps people take 

back their sense of power in a powerless situation and it helps them connect with others—two things we have lost during this pandemic. And although there is nothing particularly funny about what we're going through, science suggests that those funny memes, crazy TikTok videos, and snarky online quotes may be just what we need to ease the overwhelming fear, anxiety, and grief many of us are dealing with daily. Even loneliness has become as crushing as the pandemic itself threatening to overwhelm people every day. We need something to lighten the stress load we're all experiencing. And humor could be just what the doctor ordered.

How People Benefit From Laughing

The seriousness of COVID-19 is no laughing matter. People are dying every day, and those in the medical field are being stretched beyond what any person should have to bear. But, we all need to find a way to cope with the dangers and limitations we're facing or risk serious mental health consequences. For some, the answer may be laughter. Laughter activates important feel-good hormones in the brain while also reducing stress-related hormones like cortisol. Laughter also increases the number of antibody-producing cells we have working in our bodies. And, it enhances our T-cells, which are at the core of adaptive immunity and help tailor our immune response. All of this equates to a stronger immune system. Research also indicates that humor benefits both a person's physical and psychological state. Studies show that humor can provide pain relief, improve positive emotions, regulate stress, disengage from distress, and improve interpersonal communications. And, according to the Association of Applied and Therapeutic Humor, people experience a 39% reduction in stress just by anticipating humor. There also is a physical release that comes through laughter—it's a cleansing sort of feeling that impacts us both physically and emotionally. Most people feel really good after laughing. Many people report that they feel like a weight has been lifted. And, at a time when so much is weighing us down, it can be very therapeutic to engage in some good-natured humor. Strategies for Improving Your Psychological Well-Being During a Crisis Ways to Add Humor to Your Life Laughter is a free and easy stress management tool that can be used by just about anyone to lighten the mood and improve mental health. Here are some ways to add a little humor into your life during this challenging time.

Subscribe to Funny YouTube Channels

There's nothing funnier than watching goofy pet videos. Even videos of babies doing silly things can be entertaining. So, if you're feeling a little down and want a good laugh, just log onto YouTube and search "popular comedy" or "funny videos." You're bound to find something that will make you laugh. Or, you may want to subscribe to regular YouTubers that make a living making others laugh. Then, you will have a regular stream of funny videos ready to go in your inbox. If you're wondering what to look for, you might try Good Mythical Morning. You also could check out the Holderness Family, Kristin and Danny Adams, and or even Heather Land's "I Ain't Doin It." Bad Lip Reading of the NFL is usually good for a few laughs too. The options are endless.

Watch Comedians Online

Countless numbers of comedians are offering their comedy routines online. Even with social distancing measures in place, many are still putting out new material. All the regulars like Jimmy Fallon, Steven Colbert, and Jimmy Kimmel are producing regular material that is readily available. Simply do a quick search to find the latest material or watch some older versions. And let's not forget about the copious amounts of content available on Hulu, HBO, and Netflix. Just head over to the comedy section and laugh until your sides hurt.

Share Old Stories

Nothing's better than sharing stories about funnier times. Whether you're on Skype, Zoom, or FaceTime, it's fun to remember the old days and laugh about the silly things you did. Plus, sharing those old stories helps strengthen bonds and reminds you of how much you have to be thankful for. So, the next time you're talking with a friend or family member, share a "Remember when" story. It's sure to bring a smile to both your faces.

Tell Jokes

There's nothing better than "Dad jokes." They are so silly and cringe-worthy that they are bound to make you laugh. So, if you want to crack up your kids or make your co-workers giggle during the next Zoom meeting, do a quick search of Dad jokes and see what you can come up with. Or, maybe you could have a contest among your family members to see who can tell the best joke each night at dinner. A good pun is also always a solid way to make someone smile.

Play Games

If you're staying at home with family members, try playing a fun board game together. It doesn't take long for everyone to forget about the stresses of everyday life when you're engaged in a game of Loaded Questions. Even strategy games like Monopoly and Sequence can lighten a dull mood and bring a little laughter into your home. If you happen to be sequestered alone, try organizing an online game party. For instance, Jackbox Games offers a wide variety of digital platforms that people can purchase and download games to play remotely. Then, they can set up game parties with as many as eight people.

Laugh at Yourself

There are lots of things you're probably doing that if you stepped back and looked at them, you would find they are quite funny. Maybe it's the way your face mask makes your hair stick out on the sides. Or maybe it's the fact that you walked past your partner's Zoom meeting in your pajamas. Or, it could be the fact that you filmed a video for work without realizing that your giant cutout of Captain America is standing in the background. Everyone does silly things. The key is to laugh at yourselves a little bit. Because when you laugh, others take it as a cue to laugh as well.

Create or Watch TikTok Videos

TikTok is one of the most popular social media apps out there. And during this pandemic, people are taking to it in droves creating their funny takes on everything from staying at home to the toilet paper shortage. In the meantime, TikTok has created donation stickers that allow online creators to raise money for coronavirus relief efforts. And even those in the medical field are using the app to get important information to younger users. So, if you've got a few extra minutes and want a good laugh, download the app, and have fun.

What This Means For You

Humor is mankind's built-in coping mechanism that distracts us from the difficulty action we are living and allows us to release some built-up tension. It's a type of mental armor that allows us to manage the unmanageable. So, go ahead and laugh at those funny pet videos or turn on a rerun of America's Funniest Home Videos. A good, solid belly laugh may be exactly what you need to lighten the mood, relieve some stress, and feel better overal.

[artsy-alice]

TREMONTAINE Season 3, Episode 2 Reaction + Review

Episode 2 gives us a new outlook on Riverside and its denizens, seen through the interesting perspectives of two very different characters. There’s a siege - and what a fitting word, because this episode did succeed in delivering the feel of tension and confinement, while still having a very emotional focus.

Oh, and the Duchess continues to be delightfully cunning in her side of things, of course. 

Tremontaine S3 E2 is out NOW in the Serial Box website! New to the series? The pilot episode is available online for free!

I’m adjusting to extra hours at work and commute so my TremonTEAM stuff got delayed :\ Will finish up on this week’s challenge soon!

Rest of the reaction/review under the cut - spoilers abound.

BOY. You guys know I’m a sucker for found families, right? So daaaamn this episode made me feel for Riverside and its sense of community hard. And then on top of that, Reza. Reza is making me cry. Maybe I cried. A bit. Sssshhhh.

Okay, let’s get to it. Woo boy. This is just gonna be a long vent about my feels for Reza though???

.

REZA, the crazy rich dramatic magical unicorn long-haired swordsman prince boyfriend of ur dreams the Ambassador from Chartil.

So, okay, Reza spent this episode alternating between mourning-ex-boyfriend and murder-avenger. Because apparently some people??? Kill other people??? To cope??? (jfc is this my contribution to this fandom. memes?)

But man, memes aside, I wanted to bundle him up and tell him it’s fine, Vincent just decided to fake his death and run off to God-knows-where. Vincent is fine. Vincent is being... Vincent, just without a sword and so he’s probably a lot more broody, away from Riverside. Dammit, Vincent.

Reza’s grief and anguish really set the tone for the episode. Here was this man, who basically admitted he followed his old lover in this foreign land. He just lost that lover, and was told that the way the man died wasn’t even the way he must have wanted to go.

He chose to die, over me. He chose to die. Why hadn’t Vincent come to Ambassador House? Why hadn’t he come for a real doctor, or just for help and succor? Why hadn’t he— 

The thing is though, Vincent chose to ‘die’ because he lost his sword arm. Tess was the one who called the shots then, to have the arm removed so he could survive the blood poison. But like the others said when it was happening, Vincent would rather have died than live without his sword arm. Yes, maybe Vincent didn’t have a choice in the matter to even consider going to Ambassador house for help, but really - this is Vincent - if he had a choice then, would he have gone to Reza or at least instructed Tess and the others to bring him there for aid? I doubt it.

And then he started walking around Riverside and thought of the what-if’s.

He had never been free to join at Vincent’s side, not in Chartil. [...] Here, in the fiery night, men and women in every configuration of couple and trio danced together, shared wine and cakes, and ducked into alleys to kiss and make merry. If Vincent were alive, would Reza have been brave enough to do the same with him, in Riverside?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Vincent/Reza is my ship, okay. The first time I read about these two I already thought “Don’t get attached, they’ll end in tragedy and you know it” and whoops there it is there’s my heart on the floor broken and shattered haha. Leave me alone with my painful feels.

Okay, venting aside, I loved his interactions with the rest of the characters, namely Tess and the Riversiders. Gosh, I didn’t realize how interesting he and Tess together could be until it happened. The guy is properly moping around the place but still trailed after Tess and the other ladies like a big sad bodyguard.

He saw that they were indeed in trouble, and then decided he should do something, or at least stay and help, in this place Vincent called home. Him going back to military commander mode might do him some good after all. His suggestions might have been pointless so far but it’s good to keep occupied, right?

.

TESS, my queen + The Riversiders

AFJLAHASFGKA TESS THE HAND !!!!! TESSIE!!! BABY QUEEN!

The image of fierce Tess the Hand, “fat and beautiful” walking through the streets with purpose, drawing a knife from her thigh as she approached a corner? YES. ALL THE YESES. We need a movie or a series just so I can see this visualized because I loved that little scene so much.

She found Reza, was unfazed by the fact that she arrived to a murder scene, took him in, and her heart broke to keep the truth from him. She hates that Vincent was making her keep up with the lie, but she refused to break a promise. I love her.

Tess has properly risen to be somewhat like a leader figure in this community this season. Of course, Riverside claims it has no leader, but they do have people who are looked up to and respected more than the others, I guess.

And in this invasion of her home, Tess is simply unyielding. No, they are not giving up one of their own, no matter how much they might hate him too. No, they are not going to surrender. What should they do? SIEGE PARTY. They should fucking party and show those City folks that Riverside doesn’t give a fuck.

“But bring us together. Remind Riverside what we are. Show them bastards they can’t put us down. We’ll fire up all the hearts, play music in the streets, drink what we like. Screw them.”

YES, MADELINE. TELL ‘EM.

According to Reza’s analysis, they should give a fuck real soon, but not right now, the ladies said. Party first, apparently.

Reza asked that they explain how Riverside functioned, if there was no leader; the women stared at him. Did Riverside have no mayor or representative to the City?

No, Riverside did not.

It was anarchy, Reza had realized with dawning horror. 

Haha, oh Reza. Yes it is anarchy. But there’s some semblance of order there, I promise. Riverside is still a community and they didn’t even need a leader to organize the siege party. It’s one woman’s idea, a few others agreed, and they were able to get the word out and everyone contributed and they had their own little festival in the island. Instant potluck.

Riverside might be a dangerous, dreary place but damn the people know how to party.

.

DIANE and ESHA

*fans self* Can they. Stop this. Flirting. Oh gosh. I can’t.

Actually no, I can. Please proceed. Keep it up. These interactions are giving me life, clearing my skin, paying my bills, watering my crops, etc.

This episode, Diane gave Esha a little warning about Davenant possibly being on the hunt for her. Diane asked if she could protect herself, and Esha assured that yes, she does.

So-

PLEASE TELL ME WE’LL GET MORE ESHA+SWORDS???? If there is an Esha ship I love more than Dianesha, it’s Swordsesha.

PLEASE.

.

GREGORY, LORD DAVENANT

I only have this to say:

I want Diane to fuck him up.

Well. We all want Diane to fuck him up... and we all know Diane will fuck him up so. *shrugs* I’ll just wait. Let’s believe. #TeamDuchess is ride or die, guys.

Oh yeah, there’s also Florian and Rafe. Florian is really upset. Like, ‘I will fuck Rafe Fenton in all corners and surfaces of the City to forget my ex’ type of upset. Let’s see where he goes this season, I guess? Hey, at least my boy Rafe is getting some quality time for the meantime. I’m still more invested in the Rafe-and-The-School thing than with the Florian thing for now.

Up Next: Diane has a new paramour

OHHHH YEEEEAAAAAH GET IT GIRL

[bermudianabroad]

A timeline:

Started self isolating on the night of the 15th. In the bedroom while the Boy sleeps and works in the living room. We send memes to each other and talk across the apartment.

Maybe counter productively he needs to come into the bedroom to use the bathroom, but we keep up 2 meters of distance. Neither of us have had physical contact for 17 days.

There are underlying health issues to consider so we’re taking extra precautions. I’m the one going out for food and showering as soon as I get back. Maybe that’s paranoia, maybe it’s sensible. At this point who can really tell.

We lost internet for five days, curtailing our abilities to work from home. Both of us starting to get a little more restless without the click bait distractions and films. WFH is easier for him since he did it anyway- harder for me working with 7 year olds. School hasn’t been all that forth coming with what I’m actually meant to do.

Small joys in managing to find a pizza today, first time in a shop for three weeks. We were meant to be flying out to Bermuda on the 4th; first time home in 7 months, the Boy returning after 12 years. This trip was a long time coming and sadness doesn’t quite capture how I feel. Quietly resigning myself to the idea I might, we might, not be out there this year. Hopefully Christmas, at a push, but that’s the optimist in me.

I should be able to move around the apartment more freely come the 5th. I think maybe I did have a mild case since this loss of sense of smell as taste is so profound. I was only congested for a day so having it last for three weeks seems odd to me but then I’m not a doctor.

In the meantime, I hope you, whoever you are, are mananging to cope in this strange limbo we’ve found ourselves in.

[fieldnotesconfidential]

It’s The Little Things, And They Are Not Helping Either

What have you been up to since the Area 51 thing was such a let down?

👽Just kinda hanging out playing video games and moderating meme pages mostly.👽

Are you guys still going to resume control of the Earth when climate change and disease wipe out a majority of the human race and the others are shipped to Mars.

👽Oh, for sure! That is still 💯 percent the plan. It might happen sooner than later too.👽

*from the other room* I’m still going to give you another assignment in the meantime. People are really starting to step up about all that and recycle and stuff.

👽That’s cute.👽

What, are you afraid the human race will rise up and care enough? That they’ll save the planet, and foil your big plans?

👽That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Caring about the environment now is like chiming in with an apology and offer to help on a group project in college after it has already been turned in. There’s not a goddamn thing anyone can do at this point. *air quotes* “It’s in God’s hands now”.👽

You do not actually believe that, do you? Also, you went to college??

👽I’m being metaphorical. And sarcastic. And of course I went to college! What the fuck?👽

What was your major?

👽Early 19th century American Literature.👽

Figures.

*from the other room* Hahahahahaha! Something something something The Great Gatsby!

*rolling eyes at the other room* Apparently we didn’t all go to college.

*from the other room* Someone has to be in charge!

👽Right. Anyway, what have you been up to, Agent?👽

Oh I had to finally wrap up the case file on that unsanctioned group therapy that was being run out of a local bar and grill as a drug front for this major dealer that started at a local college then never left once no longer enrolled, simply to perpetuate the market. The ripple effect of that market influence is such a significant part of the local economy at this point that the entire operation has to keep going, however, we had to get a handle on the significant espionage that was involved. Anyway, I’m so happy to move on from that assignment. The main dealer and the select few personally involved were such nightmares to be around for even more than, oh, I’d say 90 minutes TOPS unless you got black out drunk or did whatever drugs they were pushing in order to cope with their extreme mental and personality disorders. I deserve an Oscar for being around all that and not murdering any of them. Seriously.

*from the other room* You have no weapon clearance so...

With my bare hands. If I had to have dealt with that case any longer I would have killed at least half a dozen people with my bare hands.

👽You seriously need a vacation.👽

Do you know of any vacation destinations you can recommend still untouched by the devistating destruction of our exponentially accelerating climate change decline?

👽Honestly, not really.👽

That’s what I thought.

*from the other room* You guys wanna know what I think?

👽I don’t really care.👽

No, but I know you’ll tell us anyway.

*from the other room* I think you guys should get back out into the field and back to work! NOW!

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

15 memes for when you're feeling sad as hell

Words aren't always sufficient when you're feeling low. Sometimes, humor can be the best medicine for a case of The Sads. 

We're all well aware of the internet's potential to be a little dumpster fire-adjacent at times. But at this point we can't just click away — many of us frequently use our social media spheres as tools for coping with everything from mental health struggles to the never-ending nonsense that is the political news cycle.

But even the most well-intentioned use of internet culture for mood lifting can be fraught with bad vibes. While there are tons of self-deprecating and depression-related memes circulating the net, we think you deserve something a bit more uplifting.

SEE ALSO: Zodiac meme Instagram will align the stars to make you feel seen

Wholesome memes aren't just heart-warming, they're helping to shape a better, more positive online space. So if you're feeling down, just know, these memes are here to surround you with a warm blanket of love and support. 

pic.twitter.com/4H7qBQ0pdG

— Wholesome Memes (@WholesomeMeme) March 22, 2019

Because sometimes, all you can really do is laugh. 

1. Houseplant positivity 

me: :) houseplant: 🌱 me: :) houseplant: 🌱 me: :) houseplant: 🌿 me: :D

— jonny sun (@jonnysun) February 19, 2019

It's hard to keep plant babies alive, it's true. But when they do flourish, so do our spirits. 

2. Bongo Cat

Watch this funky little internet sensation pat the drums to a number of songs, and feel your worries melt away. 

3. Your Friend Doge 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Your Friend Doge (@yourfrienddoge) on Mar 18, 2019 at 10:59am PDT

The Your Friend Doge account is full of a new, wholesome take on the old-school meme. 

4. The Boys on the Train 

View this post on Instagram

I don’t make the rules this is how it is #boys #boycomics #illustration #comics

A post shared by B. Mure (@b_mure) on Dec 1, 2017 at 11:32am PST

Bonus! The adorable follow up comic shows their summer wedding.

5. Pokémon Center reviews 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by @wholesomememes on Nov 30, 2017 at 2:05pm PST

They're shaped like a FRIEND. 

6. Uptown Girl Rock

A lot of people asked for a full version, so here it is! It goes off sync at some points but it gets the job done. pic.twitter.com/rqQDXvIC4H

— Stan Lewis (@StanLewis_) October 5, 2018

"Party Rock Anthem" by LMFAO just so happens to have the same beats per minute as a lot of songs, actually. This is simply a personal favorite. 

7. Land of Boggs

View this post on Instagram

Sharing is caring!

A post shared by The Land Of Boggs (@thelandofboggs) on Mar 15, 2019 at 7:15am PDT

This whole account is a gem of relatable feels. 

8. Strange Planet  

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Strange Planet (@nathanwpylestrangeplanet) on Feb 26, 2019 at 8:12am PST

A B S O R B. 

9. Really Nice Porn Man 

I’ve found it, the kinkiest thing on PornHub. pic.twitter.com/R8SF8IZS8u

— Ava Ex Machina (@silicondomme) January 31, 2019

Ryan Creamer, otherwise known as the Wholesome Pornhub Guy, has a channel full of hilarious and non-sexual "porn" videos. 

10. Thoughts of Dog

sometimes. the human presses their noggin against mine. to figure out what i’m thinking. so i just think really hard. about how much i love them. and hope they figure it out

— Thoughts of Dog (@dog_feelings) June 13, 2018

Seeing dogs on the internet is good. But you know what's even better? Dog thoughts that show our puppers love us too. 

11. No time for The Sads

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Seebangnow (@xibang) on Mar 22, 2019 at 10:57am PDT

It's simply not allowed. 

12. Kids Write Jokes 

Where do. You. Find. A. Clown doing a. Hedstand. On. A. Toilet '? In. New York.

— Kids Write Jokes (@KidsWriteJokes) March 20, 2019

Half of these kids should have a deal for a stand-up special on Netflix by now.. 

13. Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart's friendship 

Snoop and Martha are true friendship goals. 

14. Guy Fieri Go 

the gym leader of flavortown pic.twitter.com/GuSCWCsyP5

— Louie Zong (@everydaylouie) January 28, 2019

Guy Fieri already looks like a Pokémon character — all that's left is imaging him taking on Ash and Pikachu in the world's spiciest Pokémon battle. 

15. The Duality of Cat 

the duality of cat @orthoraccoony pic.twitter.com/WqZRTcDsqJ

— chuck 🐦❄️ (@charlubby) February 9, 2018

If Anfisa, the cat behind the Angry Cat No Banana meme, can learn to love bananas, you can make it through this tough time. 

Don't worry, these feelings will pass. But in the meantime, if we can offer you some memes in this trying time, we hope they can provide at least a little bit of relief. If not, there's always Cookie Monster's AMA. 

WATCH: Twitter turned this massive fried rice prank into a pretty great meme — All the Memes

[nappainanotherdimension]

(Nappa)’S RP PLOTTING CHEAT-SHEET

Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicy jumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted.

Be sure to tag the players whose characters YOU want more cues to interact with, and repost, don’t reblog! Feel free to add or remove sections as you see fit. Template here.

Mun name: Raxceni OOC Contact: I prefer keeping stuff here on tumblr via the messenger system or asks. If I’m not here to respond to either right away it probably means I’m busy. But I like to think I’m pretty good with communication. 

Who the heck is my muse anyway:

Nappa is a character from Dragonball Z. He’s one of the three surviving Saiyan warriors that worked as a mid-level soldier in Frieza’s Planet Trade Organization. (Some people call it the Frieza Force but...eh) He served Prince Vegeta as his partner and implied bodyguard. (At least until his untimely death on Earth, when Vegeta betrayed his trust by killing him instead of helping him after Goku broke his back.)

Points of interest:

Nappa is a giant of a man with a brawny body, and bald head. His prominent facial features include a hooked nose, a thin mustache. His chin, jawline, and mouth are big and wide. When he’s angry, or powered up, veins will appear around various parts of his head and body. 

What they’ve been up to recently:

This is verse-dependent. In some rps he’s hanging around Earth meeting new people. Or he’s in space meeting new people. Or getting arrested. Breaking out of prison with Raditz...really because of the various verses I have available, he’s doing all sorts of things! And I’m always up for making more verses for new situations and muses we meet.

In my Hell verse, Nappa’s been trying to cope with his situation, learn how to escape into the nicer parts of Otherworld, and/or how to get reincarnated. (Because reincarnation is a thing in DBZ!) This is also the default verse I use for asks directed to the muse.

One of my more progressive verses has been the Xenoverse verse where Nappa is granted a chance to leave Hell and train Time Patrollers. It’s a pretty sweet gig, even if he gets bored standing around for pupils to ask him for training.

Where to find them:

This is also verse-dependent. In the Hell verse he’s in DBZ’s version of Hell. In another verse he travels through the galaxy and sometimes wanders into other universes. There’s an AU where we became a good guy like Vegeta did, and hangs out on Earth. I’ve even got an Planet Vegeta AU going where he’s on the Saiyan’s home planet, one that was never taken over by Frieza. Nappa can even be found around Conton City as an instructor for Time Patrollers. (Thanks Xenoverse 2!)

Current plans:

I don’t have any major plans. I just like to see the way things go between my rp partners and I. I’m still a fairly new blog, only being active for almost 3 months now. But I’m always down to plot! If we don’t plot, I will play things by ear! 

Desired interactions:

I’m cool with any kinds of interactions. Nappa makes a lot of friends...oddly enough. Always down for roleplaying with just about any sort of muse, but I’d love to interact with fellow DBZ characters and other muses from Science Fiction! (Canon or OCS) I’m also OC, AU, and crossover friendly. 

I’m open to be friend or foe to your muse! Nappa can be a menacing villain, a playful jerk, or a reliable pal depending on the situation and the way your muse interacts with him. Just let me know by poking me with an ask; anon is on if you’re shy! Currently shipping is not something I’m going to be actively working on. However, if you are interested in shipping, I’d highly recommend you read the section on my rules page about shipping which will give you a basic idea of how I’d like to be approached about this topic. Even if I’m not keen on shipping right now, that can hopefully change in the future. In the meantime, our muses can bond as friends, and if chemistry naturally happens between them, we can talk about it. 

Offered interactions:

Nappa can be invading your muse’s planet, or visiting while he’s between assignments. Maybe he’s your hired muscle for a temporary assignment? (We can work out details) He can be your co-worker if your muse is also working for Frieza. You might see him around Toki Toki City (good for Xenoverse Time Patroler OCs) You can bump into him on Earth anytime after the Namek/Frieza saga.  Maybe your character’s arrested him? Or he’s captured you for his own assignment? >:3 If you have a Saiyan OC we can have our muses meet on Planet Vegeta? Before the blow up or in an AU? Seriously, I can come up with a lot on the fly. 

Current open post/s:

None atm most people let me know they wanna interact by contacting me first. I might make some in the future! But feel free to tag me in a starter, or send me one from my many reblogged starter posts! If you would like me to come up with a starter for you instead, just message me and we can work something out.

Anything else?:

Please check out my: Rules Page, and Verses Page Suggested Pages to Check Out: Reblogged Starter Memes, Reblogged Ask Memes 

Tagging: @mihoshi-kuramitsu, @ayekanaru @el-coyote @5kye @saiyanandproud and anyone else who might like to do this!   (Thanks for the tag @making-a-scene! This is a really helpful tag meme! I might reblog it and update it from time to time for promo purposes!)

[firebunnylover]

Hannah Watches LOSH - Fear Factory

Well, the last episode had a depressing ending. And this was the episode that was supposed to come out the week after as it is the fourth episode in production, but got mixed up with Phantoms. Looking back at what I said, that mix-up may have been intentional from Kids WB so that they woudn’t leave too many kids traumatized in a span of 7 days. I mean, Phantoms was also on the dark side, but not as much as this episode.

Quick warning as during the overall review I featured some screenshots from other things that feature zombies and bloody ghosts.

Fear Factory

Starting the episode off is a movie that the focal characters are watching, which is clearly based off on Alien. Although Bouncing Boy seems to be the only one really into it. I’m guessing that maybe because Superman had already seen the franchise and the others don’t have much interest in old films, or they are still trying to cope with what happened in the last episode. You know, the whole Alexis trying to murder them thing.

First question: how are the old films from our time preserved in the 31st century? Are they all purely digital now?

That popcorn bowl has some skills. To be tossed into the air and still gathering up all the popcorn upon landing I mean.

And gooey parts has to be equivalent to the gory parts.

Wow. Gotta suck the fun out of everything.

And just when the gory/gooey parts is about to get down, the screen switches to show a storm going on. Which they cannot warp out of or hang a… how is it spelled? U-ey? They see the space station in the eye. Brainy immediately gets suspicious given it’s old design. And then we get further warnings when Saturn Girl hears voices aboard when there are no life signs detected.

Bouncing Boy knows his horror tropes.

And of course the team fall victims to the tropes when they get scanned, go aboard, greeted by the Butler.

And walking down the halls comes one of my favorite bits.

Butler: He’ll be delighted to have you… for dinner.

Lightning Lad: Hear that? They’re serving food!

Bouncing Boy: And how much you want to bet that we’re the main course?

Brainy: -glares-

Bouncing Boy: What?

But seriously, couldn’t they have given the hall better lighting?

The hallway is too dark for the design of the place to stand out in a way that doesn’t make us strain our eyeballs. However, the gallery room is much better lit.

I would nope out of there if I saw those doors. Cool design, but nope.

… Guys. Again with the scene being too dark to make stuff out here. Can barely see the table edges vs the seats vs the floor vs the walls.

Do appreciate the portraits with eyes tho.

AGAIN I WOULD NOPE OUT.

Judging that the drones gave B5 food, I’m assuming Coluans in this universe can eat, but I doubt they possess taste buds humans do.

Will admit, design of the host Professor Plenarus (again, winging it with spelling) is pretty cool.

I WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT QUAVERMASS 12 AND THE CREATOR.

Brainy smiled at food. My heart.

So scanners can tell personal preference. What, do they do a mind probe?

EYEBALLS?! WITH VEINS?!

WELL NO WONDER THIS EPISODE GOT PUSHED BACK, IT CLEARLY HAD TO GET PASSED SENSORSHIP REGARDING THAT.

Oh damn. He’s good.

Okay, is this really the face of someone you would trust overnight? No.

But the team falls victim to the tropes again.

Right down to separate rooms. Even Bouncy falls victim.

Dude I would have demanded to have a shared room with someone else.

AGAIN WITH THE WHOLE DARK THING.

KITTY!

And then Bouncing Boy falls victims to the tropes he is well aware of. Kind of like Hamlet.

To be fair though, I would also go back for the cat. Always.

I would kinda like to know the plot of the movies he mentioned. If only for the sake of knowing. And Mars Needs Mummies (again, winging the names) and Vampire Empire seem the most interesting to me.

I’m guessing Saturn Girl always hears stuff of the high emotion range.

Would Bouncing Boy fit under the bed?

I don’t recall Xenomorphs having tentacles naturally. I do think that the 4th movie had some with tentacles tho.

After Bouncy disappears through a vortex, the place changes appearance. It turns into a movie set, or something similar.

After being unable to find their host, the remaining team are trapped and then have no choice but to go down. Back to the gallery, where they found Bouncy.

 As a painting. Leading to the conclusion that Quavermass 12 is not a regular ship.

Oh, well at least we know who’s next.

… That change in expression. Very nice.

Oh boy. His home.

I will once again withhold complain about lighting to look at the room.

Two bedrooms. Two beds, blue and pink.  The shelf practically filled with trophies. Something to keep in mind for future episodes

Brainy senses that a holographic simulator is in charge for the change in scenery, and states who is next on the menu.

When Superman tries to breach the walls with his heat vision, the ship basically goes “NO” and self repairs. And then pins down everyone except Lightning Lad, as we see his fear.

Ah yes, clown dolls. Classic.

Amazing how childhood nightmares stay with us.

Wait what is it-

OH 

OH ****

Okay, this is by far to Lightning Lad way more terrifying than the doll?!

Superman tries to save him from being sucked into the portal, but fails.

Realizing that the ship knows what scares them, the same way it knew what they wanted to eat, they go on further, Superman saying he will protect them.

Next scene is an amusement park with a roller coaster OF DEATH.

Saturn Girl is clearly way more scared than when she thought Timber Wolf was going to eat her in episode two.

And then we get this part afterwards.

Oh geeze. This is probably the last thing Superman needs after what happened with Alexis.

Not being afraid is next to impossible when the ship KNOWS what gets to you Brainy.

Oh geeze. Guess the ship likes to sort the victims chronologically.

SHIP TIME

(during this exchange the video for this episode had a wrong frame for the scene that was from a few seconds after. Not sure if it’s the source or not.)

Fighting demons. Something mentioned way off in the future. Will discuss that when it comes about tho. Focusing on this episode.

So this shows us a bit more of B5’s personality. He believes people should do their own battles by themselves with no help.

Yikes. No, B5. It’s important to have others help. Seriously, what led you to believe that you have to fight by yourself?

And then we Brainy’s projected incarnation of fear. Colu, and it’s people. Stating Brainy will return to them.

Our reveal of B5’s desire to be human.

So in comparison to B5, the Coluans we see are almost uniform in appearance. Their faces are the only way to distinguish them. The voices match each other as well, and the Coluan from the right is the one who starts and then is finished by the one in the center (not as obvious in gif form due to size). Perhaps it’s based on how B5 views the society back home? More of this at the end.

Decipher. Ok, that suggests that the scanners don’t see exactly what gets the fear to a maximum, but gets enough info to generate a scene that can provoke fear.

GDI NOT AGAIN

FUSION IS JUST A CHEAP TRICK TO MAKE WEAK COLUANS STRONGER

UH THAT GREEN LOOKS A BIT FAMILIAR?!

And here’s the bit that freaked me out when I first saw this episode.

THIS IS THE PART THAT SCARED ME WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. I WAS IN A LEGIT PANIC ON WHAT THEY MEANT BY ONE WITH US AGAIN. I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO HIM.

But thankfully Brainy breaks away and then destroys part of the illusion, revealing the basic part of the ship.

AND THEN THE SHOW PROCEEDS TO TRAUMATIZE ME MORE

BRAINY

BRAINY

SUPERMAN SUMMARIZES MY THOUGHTS

NO!!

Superman manages to break free from the net and then then gets hologram B5 who tells us what’s going on as he’s in the central processor.

Wait. Fear as an energy source.

Let’s recall the earlier bit of this episode.

Butler: He’ll be delighted to have you… for dinner.

Dinner. A meal. A way we get energy.

THE TEAM WAS TOLD THAT THEY WERE ON THE MENU FOR QUAVERMASS 12.

B5 then tells Superman that he is integrated with the system, unable to get out. And then he tells him to shut down the system.

However the host/butler tells Superman not to do it.

Oh god. Let’s recall what happened last episode.

He had hurt Alexis to save his friends. Brainy included. And now he’s confronted with destroying Brainy. Not. Okay.

But he proceeds to do as B5 said.

Even in holo-form, he can't catch a break.

Will admit, the chips do have a cool design. Not sure why they look like organs, but I like it.

Then Quavermass 12 makes one last attempt to get Superman to stop.

The music in this part is unnerving, perfect for a horror movie.

Still, Superman continues to follow through what seems to be B5′s last request.

Oh so those things have liquid inside. Nice.

And then another heart breaking moment.

OW

The storm is then confirmed to be linked to the ship as it stops.

“HEY! WE’RE BACK!!”

OH GOD WERE YOU GUYS CONSCIOUS IN THOSE PICTURES?!

Ho boy, so she can immediately pick up on the major emotions.

OW.

… Wow they are like not panicking or sad at all.

WAIT WE WENT THROUGH ALL THAT ANGUISH BECAUSE B5 OMITTED TO TELL US ABOUT WHAT THE BACKUP DISK WAS?!

PREACH.

Also Superman is biting his finger at the end. Nice touch.

When the Legion departs the rest-stop, Brainy goes to see Superman who’s in his room.

So Superman is understandably angry at B5 for not telling him earlier about the backup disc.

So the goal for B5 was to have Superman confront his fear of losing the ones he love. Just like what happened with Alexis.

In the meantime Bouncy is getting ready to play reality television. Horrifying, by far. But a thorough source of memes.

Last shot of this episode is a frame of the Kents with baby Clark. Aka Sputnik Baby.

Well, we see what Pa Kent looks/looked like. Still not sure if he’s dead or not.

So final thoughts on the episode overall.

So this to me is an important episode to understand the characters’ personality, and ties into some stuff later on. Not the best written in my opinion compared to other episodes, but it’s one of the most entertaining to watch. It’s good for the show’s main genre, action. But if the staff was aiming for horror, they got the campy feel of the not-that-bad horror films. I’d watch it, but there’s room for improvement.

Now, I can see a bit more significance since I’m able to see a relation to the previous episode, which helps with appreciation.

When I first watched the episode, I didn’t finish it all the way through because I had to turn on and off the TV whenever my parents came into the room. I eventually finished it online though. Can’t remember for certain what parts I saw the first time, but I stopped at the part when Brainy was downloaded into Quavermass 12. You can imagine how messed up I was afterwards.

So clearly my biggest problem is the art style related to the lighting.

Here, let me show you several shots from Gravity Falls, Coraline, Steven Universe, Pan’s Labirynth, and Crimson Peak. Not specifically in that order. Cuz I'm messy.

In the scenes that use darkness right, they show us what they want us to pay attention to. And the ones that don’t have as much darkness in comparison have visually appealing background that are designed and given a good color palette in a way that is still giving us the sense of horror.

The show didn’t do that in this episode. They still had some details lying around that would have been interesting and could have added to the atmosphere, but most of the time the darkness was too distracting. Or the shades the show used make it impossible to tell where something is or isn’t. Those are bad executions.

AND I STILL HAD TO KILL OVER HALF OF THE QUALITY FOR THE GIFS.

But enough of my rant on the visuals.

Disappointed we didn’t learn about the original creator or Quavermass 12 itself. I would have loved to know why someone thought making a ship that feeds of fear was a good idea.

While the villain designs were cool, I did find them a bit lacking. More in the character bit.

I do like how now I realize that Bouncing Boy was right that they were the main course for the master. Very good execution of foreshadowing.

As for the fears, I feel they did a good job of both typical fears that tend to occur for a lot of people and are easily understood and fears based on actual traumas. And that is what makes this episode so enjoyable.

Bouncing Boy is into horror movies, but is still scared of them. I appreciate particular things from the horror genre – Guillermo Del Toro’s films being on the list. But I absolutely cannot stand jump scares. So if I’m watching some horror thing and I know a jump scare is coming, I instantly cover my eyes just so I’m peaking between my fingers, and I mute the thing.

Saturn Girl’s fear is roller coaster. Those things are damn terrifying. I blacked out on one a few years ago. I don’t know if it was the motion or me passing out because of how terrified I was, but I was halfway through the ride when I came to again.

Superman is a mix of both traditional fears and trauma. He is afraid of losing those who he cares for. But he doesn’t admit/realize it until the end of the episode. Quavermass 12 tries to use this to guilt him into not shutting down the system. But hopefully knowing what it is he is afraid of, he can go addressing it in a safe manner.

We’re still not clear if Pa Kent is dead or not before the show started, but it’s most likely Alexis who made that fear start to rise to the surface, higher than ever. This is an example of good writing for Superman. He has these powers but he can’t use them effectively to save everyone.

Brainy’s fear is related to the society he is from, and can be interpreted as traditional and trauma fear, or either one. He seems to view Coluans as lacking individuality overall, and believes that they will force him to conform to their society again. And that they would ridicule him for wanting to be human.

To me, it’s a parallel to the fear of coming out to society in some way, and then being told to conform. And the forcibly becoming one with them, it kind of reminds me of conversion therapy. Downright terrifying. But again. That’s just me.

Let’s admit another thing though, that whole fear sequence for Brainy was another source of popular ideas that flew around when this show was airing. And we LOVED it.

As for trauma fear, those are purely Lightning Lad’s.

Lightning Lad… His fear stems from childhood. One being the usual monster under the bed, and the other one tying into his origin story.

Admit it, we all laughed at the fear of the clown then. But now most of us fear dolls, clowns, or a combo of both. So there.

We don’t know what Captain Howdy is, or how he came to be. And it’s not clear if Lightning Lad knows either. Which makes it more unnerving.

As for the second half, I was seriously freaked out by that. I had no idea what that thing was when I first saw it, because I hadn’t bothered to look Lightning Lad up on Wikipedia. This time watching the episode, I realized that moment was really the first time we saw Lightning Lad anything but angry or happy/cocky.

As for what I thought when I finally did look him up, I’ll save that for a future episode because it ties into the future plot. One reason why this is important.

But in terms of the ending, it’s what Superman probably needed after everything that happened, especially last time.

Still. I acknowledge it was probably a smart move for the studio to release this episode as the 6th rather than the 4th regarding the last episode, but I just wish we knew if it was intentional or not.

Characters in this episode:

Villains – I’m putting the host, butler, and Quavermass 12 as one because they are one technically. The host and butler had a cool design, and so did the chips. Quavermass 12’s motivation was survival. But due to a lack of knowing how it came to be, it does take away the ability to enjoy it for me. I like backstory.

Can Superman just have one nice day? Seriously this is the third episode in a row where the tone of the plot gets dark. But I’m proud of his realization at the end on what his fear is. Promising for future development. And seeing how much he cares for B5 is wonderful.

Brainiac 5 – my son I am worried about you. He wants to be human, but we don’t know if he can become one at this point. And then there’s the facing demons on his own bit, followed by withholding info. Both are concerning on his coping skills and how much he tells everyone important stuff about himself.

I relate to Bouncing Boy in this episode. I know most of the tropes, still get scared even though I know them, but I would still go after the cat. Plus, it’s nice to see he has an interest in old films.

With Saturn Girl, we see that she can just instantly pick up on strong feelings with her powers, intentionally and unintentionally. I first assumed in Timber Wolf she was able to hear people talking even when knocked out. Guess it extends to her powers as well.

This is the beginning of Lighting Lad’s character development. It’s not terribly obvious now, but when you go know everything that happens, it becomes obvious this episode was meant to be the fourth one. More on that in the next episode.

SPEAKING OF NEXT EPISODE!!!

I have no idea how long it will take me to get the review out because I have a busy week ahead, but given it’s one of my favorites, I am looking forward to doing it VERY MUCH.

The downside is that I have watched the episode several times. Anyone surprised by that?

So I am trying to shake it up by watching it 3 times: With two people who are in the fandom, one who isn’t, and by myself.

Prepare for insanity.

[circumswoop]

Football Night in America 2: Always Concealing a Secret Doubt

Football Night in America

Jamie Lauren Keiles tweeted “as writers, as we look for opportunities to act, what we can do in the meantime is keep clear personal records of what reality is like now”. I’ve had multiple discussions with friends about the disability of push notifications during the neverending news drip, how it makes us crave distance and how that alone, itself, is alienating, that distance cld ever be a destination. Like flying just for the miles. What we cannot afford to be, as writers or as friends, is distal, even when the body is in decay. Decay doesn’t always hurt, as any dentist looks forward to telling you. Is it hard to stay together? Is staying together a viable form of organization? I texted Ben, how will our data plans ever survive any of this. He texted back, I’m afraid if I unplug from the tl I’ll wake up like Neo naked in a tub of fluid. This was right after I discovered the Russians are flexing on Ukraine again. Delimitation is more than a meme, or maybe not.

What is reality like now. It was Super Bowl weekend in America. The movie star quarterback of the Vegas favorites, praised as a superager and hated for his great qualities, was said to “choke up” when a little kid asked him who his hero is. The vegas favorites were the Patriots, whose name is fake, as proven by the WE ARE ALL PATRIOTS tagline on their merch. The debate over what constitutes fake news, to the extent such a debate is even being had in a society that is essentially debateless, keeps glossing over the cusps of it: that fake news has the same exquisite definition as mansplaining. Mansplaining is not telling a woman something she may not already know, it’s telling her something she already, for sure, knows. Fake news is not news you may not believe or may disagree with, it’s news you generate with the intent to mislead. Both mansplaining and fake news have the same rottenness at core: not just raw self-interest, but the overcompensation of people who believe themselves to be ahead when they are utterly behind. Why do you need to harangue a woman into submission? Because if you don’t, who else will. Like, that’s what the supremacist Right, and the misogynists who operate it, have always cudgeled as truth: that whites, and men especially, are permanently Ahead and enforcement is solely up to You. You are ahead, and you must stay that way. Always look over your shoulder, bc someone is definitely gaining on you.

Trump’s identification with the Patriots is irritating, if only bc Brady and Belichick are the great erotic male literary collaboration of our time.They proved this in the Super Bowl by first not playing to their audience (falling embarrassingly behind) and then playing overtly to their haters (by exerting an ethic that never confuses extraordinary force with medium-term precision). Twitter instantly fell apart with exasperated threads comparing the alleged trauma of this Super Bowl outcome with that of the Election, which is the Super Bowl for fat people.

Carly was the only other one for the Patriots in my closed circle. We agreed Tom Brady is handsome in the Adonisian sense, and not in the red-skinned bro-with-squinty-eyes sense like most jocks. He cld model! she gushed. Wokeness will only get you so far when it comes to American sports, and you can’t just show up for the day and rep the minority city. Atlanta is a new American beauty capital but if its athletes are demonstrably less terrible than Boston’s or anywhere else’s, I’d need to have a look at those findings.

As an extremely shallow person, one of the things that bothers me most about the new regime is how wholly, defiantly unhealthy everyone in it is. From the purple of Sean Spicer’s undereyes to the puce of his pursed lips, from Steve Bannon’s terminal unshavenness to the wattle every last one of them has, Rex W. Tillerson (W. for Wattle) as particular offender, cld their bathrooms all have lighting this bad? Do they not have access to leafy vegetables? Or purified drinking water? Yes, in America commenting on someone’s overt lack of health is definitely shallow, just as the right to look and be unhealthy is a certified letter of aggression. These people will play politics with their own bodies, and repulse us by any means necessary. While there may be something nice about current highly-paid NFL players having fat guts, there is also no word to describe how spectacularly out-of-shape former athletes get. And there should be.

What else was going on? Conrad and Angelo and I went to DJ Spinn’s birthday party at Tokyo Beat and watched the footwork dancers corkscrew themselves into bright bonfires of joy. Watching street dancers is strangely purifying, like thrown birdseed on your day. The bone-breakers on the Red Line haven’t been as active lately, and I wonder why. Maybe they formed a union and are now protected from their dazzling impromptu hat-in-hand protests, their sudden cleansing of the filthiness of the trains. The union will ensure that the bone-breakers and all the other street dancers are guaranteed compensation and health insurance for scapulas they might tear too far. Meanwhile, footwork dancing looks like a first-rate Chris Brown dream, can you tell I have zero clue how to technically break down forms of dance? I put them on an Instagram story but didn’t want the flash to distract so you couldn’t really see much. Conrad ordered a drink. Angelo disappeared into the crowd. I kept watching, mesmerized from the waist down.

Ben and I and two girls from Orange County I met in the Lyft Line went to see some guy play funk and disco records in a warehouse at 4 am. Going out when you’re this wobbly and constantly waiting for some kind of drop feels like when the Wi-fi goes out, like how can we occupy ourselves rn?? A sort-of drawn curtains mentality takes over, and you hope nobody sees you having even the most circumstantial kind of fun, but it’s necessary? Drugs and alcohol suck but at least they don’t lie abt it. Then I got home, or at this point the timeline collapses, but I got home and my Wi-fi really had gone out. It was just me and the Criterion Collection, like Lena Dunham in bed sick with mono in some kind of Google witch hunt.

Ignorant is the Western way of life. Richard Burton says that in The Spy Who Came In From The Cold, from the outré black and white universe of 1965. Burton acts from a denomination of power that’s no good anymore, but his restless methodism always finds the enemy like some kind of software. Geopolitics and instincts actually going together is one of the great reliefs of the period spy movie, and now they couldn’t be farther apart. Money has always been the only thing anyone cared abt, and yet the only thing anyone cares abt anymore being money still feels like a plot twist.

In one of those talks with friends, where we practically examine each other’s nail beds for signs of Nazi flesh, she named kleptocracy, autocracy, and fascism and told me no ontological database would support all three being true at once. I said Trump, simply as electoral phenomenon, produced the first two as fluid states, knowing the third would take care of itself. Some people just want to rise so high they don’t have to hate anymore—they can get people to do it for them. Ignorance has never been so much the Western way of life as with these old white people who elevate the unread brief to a form of pulp art, who are nevertheless hilariously, decrepitly, skull-clutchingly in charge of reality again—reality as unclear personal record. Trump, unlike Tom Brady, only thinks he’s a superager. Only white supremacy cld ever explain it, and only a parody of rectitude could ever intervene, interfere, and interlope as much as he and his nightmare of whiteness are.

Remember when the Feed was just libs talking abt television? Yeah, I almost miss it. Most of the television I have watched in 2017 is Hannibal, that hot flash of homoerotic giallo that somehow lasted three seasons on an American network. In the same manner of the Trumps looking rich only to the most depraved poor people, the character of Hannibal Lecter, with his spread collars and foodism, looks tasteful only to the most depraved rich people.

At one point on it, Hannibal tells Will that fanatics are always concealing a secret doubt, which I found amusingly “topical” but not enough to actually tweet it. Skip the blind, or bland, poetics of replacing “fanatics” with “all people” and a very clever recipe for coping emerges: whatever the fanatic says, know that in his heart he is always calling it wrong. That’s living under autocracy.