#in the end my lack of interest on that regard is just the tone lol

[aldbooks]

An Elucien Oneshot

This was actually a draft I almost used for a prompt request. You can find the one I actually wrote here. For some reason, I never wrote a true beginning to this, just a description then began mid scene lol Figured I'd just leave it as is. - a sprinkle of Gwynriel at the end

Despite Rhysand’s order to stay away, Azriel continues to pursue Elain in secret. Or, at least, it was a secret until Lucien dropped by unexpectedly. 

Elain’s face paled at the sight of her mate, pressing herself against the wall in an attempt to put space between her and the Shadowsinger who did not bother to step away from her, very clearly staking his claim. 

Lucien’s nostrils flared, his eyes closing briefly though his face remained otherwise unchanged, wearing the same insolently bored expression. 

He turned to Rhysand, his tone flat as he said “you seem to have very interesting views regarding mates in your court Rhysand. Or perhaps the rules only apply in regards to your own mate?”

He glanced coldly at the pair before striding away, ignoring the petrified look on Elain’s face. 

After rounding the corner, he heard Rhysand hiss angrily to his Spymaster “I’ll deal with you later.”

Lucien sighed when Rhysand appeared beside him in a swirl of darkness, leading him into his study. 

“Lucien-“ he said as soon as the door shut behind them but Lucien held up a hand to stop him. 

“Don’t worry High Lord. I have no intention of starting a war over her. If she wants him, she can have him. I only wish she’d had the courtesy to inform me of her decision herself.”

Rhysand winced, telling Lucien all he needed to know about how long this affair had been going on. “And that Azriel might have had the decency to wait until she’d rejected the bond before moving in on another male's territory,” he continued coldly. 

Rhysand’s expression was dark but Lucien got the impression his anger was not directed towards him. 

Before the High Lord could say anything, the door burst open again. The Spymaster stood in a cloud of shadow, Elain cowering in the hall behind him. 

Lucien sighed at the theatrics, suddenly weary. “Calm yourself Shadowsinger. I was just informing your High Lord I have no intention of causing trouble. I wish you both well.”

“I challenge you to a Blood Duel.“ 

Lucien rolled his eyes at the Shadowsinger’s pronouncement as darkness flooded the room. 

“Azriel” Rhysand warned, but he was ignored. 

“Accept it,” Azriel commanded, to which Lucien merely laughed. 

“There’s no need. I told you already, I have no intention of fighting you-“

“Because you know I’d win.”

Lucien stilled, the fire in his veins simmering just below a boil. “You are very arrogant, Illyrian.”

“And you are a coward,” he sneered. 

“It is not cowardice to avoid a very unnecessary fight. If I could give her to you, I would.” He hated to speak about Elain as though she were his property but it seemed to be the only language this male understood. “As it is, that decision is in her hands. But I wash my hands of it all, I will not stand in your way. If she wants you, bless you both.”

He turned to Rhysand who was glaring death at his brother. Yet, he had allowed him to speak and Lucien was tired of the utter lack of respect. “If you’ll excuse me,” he said, unable to entirely shed his politeness though he felt like tearing both males to shreds. “I will take my leave. If you need me, Rhysand, you know where to find me.”

“High Lord,” Azriel corrected coldly. 

“Not mine,” Lucien responded, equally as cold, brushing past him into the hall. 

“Enough!” Rhysand roared. 

But Lucien was done with the lot of them. He did not look at his mate who reached out as he passed. He did not acknowledge Feyre as she callled after him from the stairs. He ignored the viper who sneered at him from the doorway and Cassian’s confused frown. 

He couldn’t hear or see anything beyond the roar in his ears and the exhaustion threatening to overtake him. As soon as he stepped over the boundary in the yard, he was gone. 

—-

"Sit down." The High Lord's command was deadly soft and laced with enough power to shake the walls of the River House. There was a soft thud as Azriel fell into a chair, shadows rippling around him.

Elain, coward that she was, could do little more than remain standing in the hall, shaking like a leaf as Feyre, came hurrying down the hall, followed by Nesta and Cassian. Her younger sister rushed past her into the study as her elder sister and her mate flanked her protectively.

"What happened?" Feyre asked, rubbing soothing strokes over her mate's shoulders. Darkness rippled around him, spilling into the hall and licking at her ankles.

Rhsyand rested his forehead against his steepled fingers, attempting to restore some of his equilibrium before he spoke while Azriel sat insolently across the room.

"It would seem, my dear, that your sister and my brother have been carrying on an affair for some time without our knowledge."

Elain flushed as her sister's gaze darted to her and then Azriel. "What?"

"And Lucien just found out," Rhysand finished.

Feyre stiffened, as did Cassian. Nesta's grip on her shoulders tightened.

Rhysand reclined in his chair looking deceptively calm though endless night still filled the room and his violet eyes burned like stars as he stared down his brother. Azriel, to his credit, did not falter.

"He very graciously chose not to start any trouble despite Azriel's insistence on a Blood Duel that would have caused irreparable damage to our already tenable relationship with Autumn."

Beside her, Cassian sucked in a sharp breath. Feyre paled and Rhys patted her hand. "Don't worry. A duel can only be called by an Autumn Court male. Lucien could have accepted Azriel's challenged but he did not-"

There was a muffled snarl from Azriel and Elain realized that the reason he had yet to speak was because he'd been magically gagged. She shivered at the cold look Rhysand gave him. 

"You have said quite enough."

"No," Feyre said, as cold as a queen. "I want to hear what he has to say."

Rhys flicked a hand and the magic holding Azriel disappeared. He sat up in his chair, wings and siphons flaring. "He doesn't deserve her."

"That is not for you to decide," Rhysand seethed.

"She doesn't want him!"

"You do not speak for her, Azriel. You are nothing to her but a jealous lover."

Elain winced as Azriel bristled. "She doesn't-"

"Has she told you that?" Feyre asked, glancing at Elain who was too terrified to move, even to shake her head.

No. She had never said so. She wasn't even sure if it was true. She didn't know what to think about the bond, had been avoiding it for so long she didn't even know how to approach it.

Guilt churned in her stomach as she remembered the look Lucien had given them both when he found them. She had expected him to rage. To snarl and roar and pound his chest. But he had merely looked blankly at her, even as pain flashed in his eyes and turned away from her.

He spoke coldly without an ounce of feeling as he declared he would not fight Azriel for her, that he would 'give her to him, if he could', as though she were nothing but an object to be bought or traded. But she'd felt the pounding of his heart, and the disgust he buried through the bond. She'd heard the words he hadn't said when he declared it was not up to him. 

All the talk she'd heard, from all of her family and friends about the possessiveness and territoriality of fae males but he had been willing to accept her choice. Had been willing to give her her freedom, while probably begging for his own in silence. 

"I would've beaten him," came Azriel's sullen reply. You are very arrogant, Lucien had said. He was right. 

"That is not what I asked you," Feyre replied.

"And what do you imagine would have happened after you'd killed him?" Rhysand snarled. Elain jerked at the words and his gaze once again swung to her. "Oh yes, dear sister. Did you know that was what you had asked of him? To kill your mate?"

"Rhysand-" Feyre reprimanded her mate when Elain cringed.

"No," he said, glaring at her. "Enough. I've had enough. No one seems to respect the consequences of their actions around here anymore. Perhaps that's my fault. I've been too lax, not wanting to interfere, but now your sister's actions have endangered my people-"

"But Lucien didn't-"

"It doesn't matter. He could have. Still could, if he changes his mind."

"But Elain-"

"Is not a child." 

She flinched. 

"She is young, I will grant her. She has only been fae for a few years, she does not fully appreciate the gravity of what happened today. But she was old enough to marry another man before she was turned, and she is old enough to accept responsibility for her own affairs without hiding behind others."

Nesta stiffened, her hold on Elain becoming almost painfully tight. Cassian, she could tell without looking, agreed with Rhysand. Knew Nesta could tell too. The tension between the pair was suffocating.

"They were both out of line today-" Azriel opened his mouth, intending to argue, but Rhysand silenced him with a look. "If Elain did not want Lucien to be her mate, she should have told him so. And neither should have been galavanting around my house where anyone could see them."

Feyre pursed her lips, but reluctantly nodded, conceding to her mate. She shot Elain an apologetic look. Rhysand sighed, rubbing his temples. "Despite my earlier assessment of him, I like Lucien. He's a good male, intelligent, well mannered, if a bit stiff. I don't like that he now has reason to hate this court with all the secrets he holds."

Tension rippled through them all as the High Lord's words settled. Lucien was a courtier and an emissary. He held secrets from all courts, she knew. A dangerous male if he had the mind for it and one who was often underestimated.

And now, a bitter one as well.

"I need to try and speak with him and hope that he will not betray us in retaliation despite his promise not to start a war." He glanced at Elain, then his mate. "Take your sister to the townhouse, or wherever she wants to go. And you-" he glared at Azriel. "I don't care where you go so long as it's away from both her and me until I decide what to do with you."

Azriel seethed, his shadows swelling ominously around him. Rhysand's darkness rose in answer and a moment later, both had vanished. 

---

Lucien snarled when he felt Rhysand's presence, having entered the apartment without invitation. "You have an appalling lack of manners in this court," he said, downing the liquid in his glass and pouring another. 

Rhysand brushed at his sleeve, seemingly unbothered but he could see the way the darkness around him rippled. The shadow of wings flickering briefly behind him.

"I apologize for the afternoon's unpleasantness."

Lucien chuffed, turning away from the High Lord. "I'll not go back on my word if that's what you're concerned about," he spat. "I'll even accept one of your bloody bargains if it'll make you feel better."

He felt Rhysand tense behind him. Knew he was tempted to accept it but was, as always, eager not to appear the dictator that every other High Lord was. He was, in many ways, far better than most, Lucien could admit. But he certainly had his faults. His relentless protection of the Night Court's secrets being one of them. Not that he entirely blamed him for it. Not after seeing Velaris for the first time. He could understand the desire to protect something like that.

He turned, holding out his hand. "Go on."

Rhysand sighed, holding his hand out as well, their palms hovering inches apart. "Do you swear not to take any action or speak any word that would put the safety of this court and it's people at risk?"

"Yes." Rhysand moved to clasp his hand, but Lucien pulled back. "In return, I expect that no one of your court will attempt to harm me, and that I will be free to go and not expected to answer your every call. You are not my High Lord, Rhysand. I have no court. Not anymore. And you can no longer hold my mate over my head."

He sighed again, the sound much heavier as some of his cavalier bravado slipped away. "Of course," he said quietly. 

Lucien studied him for a minute before nodding curtly and taking his hand.

"I won't keep you from Feyre either," he said as the magic took hold, trickling over his arm. He knew that when he next looked, there would be a new tattoo somewhere on his bicep, marking their bargain. "You are free to visit Night as you wish. I only ask that you give me ample warning so that I can make sure certain persons are not around."

Lucien nodded again though he had no intention of visiting again anytime soon once he left this gods forsaken court. He was sure Rhysand could sense that and for a moment was almost sorry for the connections he would be severing here.

But these people had never been his friends. Feyre might have once, but it had become increasingly apparent that they had drifted apart once she chose the Night Court. It didn't matter anymore whether she knew about what had been happening with Elain and Azriel. He remembered how they had tried to keep him from her when he first came here. The way they carefully watched every move he made as if he were some criminal, while the Spymaster moved in behind him, stealing any affection his mate might have had for him. 

No, it was time for a clean break. To start over. Again...

Lucien turned his back on the High Lord once again, staring out the window overlooking the city street below. He felt... heavy. Exhausted to his core. He just wanted to be alone, but he could hear Rhysand hesitating behind him.

"Out with it?" he asked irritably, fully aware that in other circumstances, he likely would have been punished for such insolence. He couldn't bring himself to care.

"There is- one last thing I should share before you go. I'm not sure when you might learn about it otherwise. My only warning is that you should think carefully about the consequences before you act on it, but I will not otherwise advise you what you should do. I'll leave that up to you..."

Despite himself, his curiosity was piqued. Lucien peered at him over his shoulder, expectantly. To his surprise, the High Lord appeared extremely uncomfortable.

"You might want to sit down."

---

  "Maybe he won't come?" Feyre said, fidgeting nervously beside Rhysand as they waited in the arena outside the Forest House. 

"He has to," Rhysand said, glaring coldly down at Azriel who was stretching in the ring. "A Blood Duel summons can't be ignored."

"Why the hell would he do this?" Mor asked on her other side, looking distinctly uncomfortable to be back in Autumn.

"Because he's a hard headed fool," Rhys growled softly. Cassian stood on his other side, arms folded over his chest and head shaking as they waited.

Against Rhysand's wishes and express orders, Azriel had continued to pursue Elain, which Feyre found out about after the fact. She'd seen the interest between the two of them but hadn't realized it had moved beyond that until Lucien had decided to leave the Night Court indefinitely.

Rhys had been furious with Azriel for ignoring his order and grateful Lucien had forgone the right to challenge, potentially causing an internal conflict none of them needed. Until the summons arrived and they learned Azriel had gone behind their backs to Beron and called the Duel himself, unsatisfied that Lucien had merely walked away and that his bond with Elain was still intact.

No one had told Elain, which Feyre had disagreed with at first until she remembered that a Blood Duel meant one of them would die and thought perhaps it would be better to wait until they knew the outcome. Or- as she still hoped- they might be able to prevent it all together.

Azriel and many of the others seemed sure of how this fight would end, even if they didn't like it, or the potential implications of it. Feyre wasn't convinced. Once, perhaps, she had thought Lucien was no match for any other member of the Night Court, but with the more she learned and observed about the Autumn Court, the place where Lucien had been raised, she wasn't so sure anymore.

A soft breeze stirred her hair and she turned, to see Elain's horrified face behind her. Feyre started, staring at her sisters. "How did you-"

"Elain," was all Nesta said, a bit wide eyed. She stared at her middle sister. Had Elain just winnowed? More than once it had been suggested that Elain was more powerful than any of them knew, but she'd never shown any interest in her powers, and they hadn't even been sure if she still had any after the cauldron had been unmade and remade. Now was not the time to ask however.

Azriel's eyes had flown to Elain, sensing her presence as his shadows swirled around him. She stared back at him, shaking her head and opening her mouth to argue when the crackling of firewood filled the arena as Lucien appeared and her eyes were drawn to him. Elain stared at him with an expression Feyre couldn't make out. It seemed half agony, half awe.

"Lucien," Feyre lurched forward a step, but Rhys held her back as her former friend turned a cold look in her direction. In all of their directions. He didn't even look at Elain. His gaze settled on Rhysand, his hand brushing over his arm in meaningful gesture. Rhysand's face tightened and she remembered the tattoo that had appeared on his arm after he'd gone to see Lucien. He'd been vague on the details of their bargain, only seemed comforted that whatever it had been meant there was nothing left to worry about... clearly that was no longer the case.

It had been painful enough when Lcien had left, agreeing to let Elain go. She knew that a part of him blamed her for allowing this thing between Azriel and her sister to happen in the first place, while he'd been relegated to the sidelines. To him, she knew, they had purposely kept him from Elain while allowing Azriel to move in on what most fae would likely consider his territory. And yet he had walked away. He'd let her go with barely an argument, but a whole lot of hurt.

And now Azriel had forced his hand. Forced him to fight to the death for a female he'd already given up on. She may not have been the one to call it, but she was High Lady and Azriel represented their court. It was enough. She wasn't sure their friendship would ever recover, even if he did survive. She wasn't even sure it was something Elain would recover from. She wanted to throttle Azriel for it.

"About time you joined us, boy," Beron sneered. "And just in time. I knew you were a coward, but you didn't need to prove it so publicly." His brothers snickered, but Lucien paid them no mind. His eyes held Feyre's and the hurt and accusation in them made her sick. She had allowed this to happen. At least, that's how it felt. No matter their history, forcing him to come back here, under these circumstances- forcing him not only to fight for his life, but subjecting him to his family's cruelty again- it was a betrayal.

A roar sounded from the other end of the arena. They'd all been surprised when Tamlin arrived, pacing restlessly in his beast form and snarling at anyone who got too close. She supposed some part of him still held some affection for Lucien, despite how terribly he'd treated him.

Lucien finally broke her stare to glance at his old friend, something soft flickering in his gaze for a moment before it hardened once more, landing on Azriel. "I'm not sure why you're doing this, Azriel," he said quietly. "You've already won."

"Because she's still not free," Azriel snarled.

"The power to free herself has always been in her hands," Lucien said. Elain flinched. "I gave you what you wanted. What was in my power to give. If you wanted her freedom there were less gruesome ways to get it."

Azriel opened his mouth to speak, but Lucien cut him off. "Do you imagine she will thank you for it?" Elain stiffened and Azriel snarled again.

"You dare speak for her?"

"I would never deign to imagine I know her mind, though you seem to have no problem with such presumptions." Lucien said calmly. "I only know what I have seen. And that is a female who despises violence. And yet, you believe she wants this? Did you ask her? Was this her idea, or yours? Is this really what you want her to see?"

"She will not suffer long," Azriel said, siphons flaring. Feyre was surprised the weapons had been allowed. But she supposed that, short of suppressing both of their magic, it would have been far more dangerous to take them from him and risk an explosion of that killing power in his veins.

Beron and his sons watched this exchange with darkly amused expressions. All except for Eris, who's pale face was not smiling as he watched their mother where she sat beside Beron, gripping her seat so tightly Feyre could see her knuckles whiten. 

"There has to be a way to stop this," Elain said, turning a pleading expression on Rhys. 

His answering frown was full of anger and sympathy. "Azriel went over my head. Once the magic is invoked, there's nothing to be done until it's over. Only the challenger can call it off, and Beron has no intention of letting an opportunity like this go. Either Azriel dies and the Night Court is weakened, or Lucien does and he has an excuse to go to war with us. Either way, he wins."

Elain paled. She swallowed hard, her gaze swinging back to the arena, but it wasn't Azriel she looked to, but her mate.

"Perhaps not," Lucien said softly, in response to Azriel's taunt that he would win the match easily. "But if you imagine I will lay down my life so easily for this," he sneered, laying a hand over his chest where she knew he felt the bond tugging. "I regret to inform you you're not as smart as you think." One of Lucien's brothers laughed. She wasn't sure which.

Beron raised a fist to signal the fight was about to begin. Azriel palmed two daggers, siphons flaring as his shadows flared behind him. "I warn you, I won't pull my punches."

Fire spread down Lucien's arms, slowly engulfing his entire body. It didn't burn his clothes, but she could feel the heat from here, saw the way Azriel flinched from it, gripping his daggers tighter. That power continued growing until Lucien's entire being was glowing, his eyes blazing and his hair dancing on a phantom wind. For the first time, perhaps ever, Azriel seemed to second guess himself.

"I hadn't planned to either." Power rode Lucien's voice, thundering through the arena, joined by a ferocious growl from Tamlin.

The grin Beron wore was the most hideous thing she'd ever seen. The way he delighted in the chaos, the bloodlust as he brought his fist down. Rhys tensed beside her, his attention not entirely on the fight as Azriel's shadows flared higher, ready to strike. But Lucien did nothing. Just stood there, wreathed with power- and waiting.

He would not strike first, she realized. He hadn't wanted this fight, so he would make Azriel take the first shot. Azriel seemed to realize this too, his confidence faltering a little bit more. Elain quivered in Nesta's arms beside her, and Feyre moved closer, wrapping her arms around them both. She could barely stand to watch.

Before anything happened however, blinding light filled the arena. And then Helion stood between Lucien and Azriel. Both males startled enough that Azriel's shadows and Lucien's flames both guttered. But while Azriel glared at the new arrival in confusion, Lucien seemed to hold his breath. So did Rhys.

"What are you doing here?" Beron snarled, leaping from his chair and prowling to the edge of the little balcony he sat on to sneer at Helion. Behind him, Feyre saw Eris inch towards his mother, trying not to draw attention.

"You have no grounds for this duel, Vanserra," Helion's voice boomed through the arena while everyone stared in shock and confusion. Eris had finally reached his mother and was pulling her away from the dais, towards the back of the balcony. His brothers cast strange looks in his direction, but didn't move to stop him, closing ranks around them to shield them from view.

"What business is it of yours, Spellcleaver," Beron growled, challenge in his eyes.

Helion's gaze did not falter from Beron, but the second Eris and his mother disappeared, he repeated. "You have no grounds for this duel Vanserra, because Lucien is not your son." A shocked gasp rippled through the crowd as Beron's face twisted in fury. "He's mine."

Azriel gaped, hands slack at his sides. Lucien only tensed further, his power rising again. He knows. She glanced at Rhysand who looked- relieved.

Power rippled from Beron across the arena before a low, menacing chuckle left him, a hateful glare falling on Lucien. "I see you are not surprised boy. You had to have suspected. Why do you think I was so glad to be rid of you? Disgrace that you are." Lucien's brothers stared at each other, dumbfounded. 

"Did you think I did not know?" he snarled, glaring at Helion. "My - wife tried hard to convince me otherwise. Was all too willing to submit to me to save your worthless bastard, but I should've put him down like the dog he is the minute he was born."

Helion's growl ripped through the arena, a pulsating glow emanating from him as Lucien stepped closer behind him, staring down the man who raised him. Elain whimpered, clinging tightly to both Nesta and Feyre, the sound briefly drawing her mate's attention. Azriel, it seemed, was beyond noticing, too busy staring at the High Lords that were oozing power, slowly backing away.

"Either way, he is still a son of Autumn. The challenge stands," Beron declared.

The smirk Helion gave him could only be described as devious. "That might be true, if he were anyone else's son. But he is my heir, and therefore, not a member of this court at all. So, again, you have no grounds for this challenge until some other Autumn male has a legitimate grievance. Which, given that he has not resided here in over two hundred years, I doubt."

"He is responsible for the death of two of my sons," Beron snarled.

"Do you challenge him yourself then?"

"Yes," Beron said with a manic grin. Lucien's power shuddered and swelled angrily. Helion only smirked, which was the first warning Feyre got. A slight nudge in Tamlin's direction was all it took for the High Lord of Spring to make his way to the side of the arena closest to Lucien and leap lightly into the pit.

Both Rhys and Feyre discreetly shielded the rest of the onlookers. The arena's wards were not equipped to withstand the dueling magics of two High Lords.

"Then I accept that challenge, on his behalf." Another gasp rippled through the space as magic clicked into place with a pop. 

That, she suddenly realized, was what had been missing before. Rhys had said the Blood Duel was a magic unto itself. Once it was invoked, it could not be undone, but the situation before with Azriel and Lucien had not seemed so certain. It was, she realized, because Helion had been right. The challenge had not been legitimate.

"No!" Lucien cried out, lurching forward.

"Step out of the ring, son," Helion ordered, keeping his gaze on Beron who prowled forward, leaping into the arena. Fire and sunlight bathed them both in a display of power so great Feyre felt stifled, even through the shield she'd erected. 

"Now." 

Lucien stepped forward again and Helion threw out a hand in his direction, blasting him back- into Tamlin's waiting maw. He snatched the back of Lucien's tunic, hauling him over the railing into the stands, and behind Feyre's shield, just as Helion and Beron met in a clash of power that shook the stone walls. 

Lucien roared, slamming into her shield as he watched the two men battle it out. The fight didn't last longer than ten minutes, but it was brutal. Both men were bloodied and broken by the time Beron took a wild shot that left him open long enough for Helion to conjure a knife, plunging it into his heart.

Beron's fire sputtered and died as the life left him and he collapsed to the sand covered floor. Silence rang through the arena for a long moment. The only sounds to be heard were Helion's ragged breaths, and Elain's quiet sniffles. 

Feyre glanced around at those gathered to witness. Shock was the prevailing emotion. Though a slow ripple of relief began to move through the Autumn Court, beginning with Beron's sons. Lucien appeared as though he were about to shatter. 

Rhys' shoulders slumped in quiet relief, muttering something under his breath as he looked across the arena to where Eris had returned, standing amongst his brothers, and brimming with power. The power of a High Lord. "It's over," he whispered.

Helion turned in his direction, nodding subtly and Feyre realized that had been Rhys' plan all along. He never intended to let the duel go on as Azriel intended, but he hadn't mentioned it because his plan hinged entirely on Helion. 

Elain collapsed, causing several people to lunge towards her. Rhys cut Azriel off with a quiet snarl, winnowing him out of the arena and leaving Feyre to represent their court. She was grateful to miss that conversation. She was not entirely confident Azriel would survive. 

---

Rhysand dumped Azriel in the training ring, landing hard beside him. He wasn't sure he'd ever been so angry at his brother in his life.

He had made a bargain with Lucien that no one from his court would harm him and his brother's idiocy had nearly had catastrophic consequences. As soon as he'd learned what Azriel had done, he'd gone straight to Helion in a dangerous, desperate bid to save them all. Luckily, it had worked.

He still hadn't decided on a fitting punishment yet, too much of his energy the last 24 hours had been spent trying to prevent the duel from happening at all and he was still too angry to think properly. He pulled back his fist as Azriel got to his feet, intending to work through his anger the way they usually did- with their bodies but, to both of their surprise, they weren't alone. 

Before Azriel could fully gain his footing, he was tackled to the ground by a ball of coppery red fury. Rhys stood back, watching in amazement, as Gwyneth wrestled with Azriel- who was still too startled to realize who he was fighting- taking the upper hand as she sat on his chest and punched him square in the face. 

"You idiot!" she screamed in his face, taking hold of the front of his leathers and shaking him hard. "What is the matter with you?!"

"Gwyn?" Azriel blinked up at her as blood poured down his face. 

"Do you have a death wish, you arrogant bastard?"

The shocked look on his face was almost comical, but Rhysand didn't dare laugh. Instead, he crossed his arms over his chest, and watched as the young priestess scolded the Spymaster like a child. Azriel stared at her, wide eyed as she continued yelling at him for his decided lack of critical thinking and poor decision making. He had to wipe a hand over his mouth to suppress a grin, his earlier anger nearly forgotten.

"Well?!" she demanded. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I'm- sorry?" Azriel was entirely bewildered, an expression Rhys had never seen on him before.

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing too, idiot. Elain, for starters, and Lucien, not to mention your High Lord!" she slung a hand in Rhys' direction and he straightened, surprised. He hadn't realized she knew he was there, so focused on her task she'd been. 

Azriel's mouth opened and closed, at a loss. The priestess sneered in disgust, releasing her hold on him and climbing to her feet. With a flick of her fiery hair over her shoulder, she turned on her heel and stormed away, pausing briefly to bow to Rhysand which only made him more delighted by the whole thing. When she left, he heard her muttering under her breath. "Stupid, territorial fae males, and their stupid egos..."

As his brother sat up on his elbows, watching her go with a supremely confused look, Rhysand lost the battle with his laughter. The Shadowsinger flinched. "What just happened?"

"I think," Rhysand said, once he caught his breath. "You just met your match."

Azriel shook his head, still staring at the entrance Gwyneth had disappeared through. There was a slightly awed edge to his expression that made Rhysand swallow another laugh. Because he'd seen what had swirled between the two of them. The presence perhaps neither was aware of yet. For a moment, he considered the irony that Azriel had just dodged a fight for someone else's mate while his had been right under his nose all along...

---

I was going to add this to my angst collection, but I kinda feel like this might deserve a title of it's own. What do you think? Maybe one day too I'll expand on it and add in what happened with Elain and Lucien after the fight... we'll see.

[kittytamasings]

oh also, do you have any kanae headcanons you haven't posted about before?

I HAVE SO MANY. Allow me to list them off...

This is in part supported by text and the Visual Fanbook so it's not FULL headcanon but it supports my headcanon. True Kanae is very much cold and sadistic, not regarding humans as much more than trash, but we can see in the way she has a change of heart as she reaches her demise; there's absolutely a softer side lurking beneath that sadistic exterior and I like to imagine she's akin to a grumpy cat of sorts. Prone to bristling and wanting not much to do with others... but then next thing you know, she sighs in resignation as she lets you occupy the same space as her. I always imagine being in her presence and it deeply irking her, but deep down finding a comfort in my more straightforward and honest nature. Try as she might to deny it, she'd definitely feel that particular tug of "Fuck, I guess I care a little..." in the corners of her heart that she tries so hard to keep hidden. Or maybe isn't fully aware of yet. She absolutely grew up emotionally stunted due to a lack of proper love and care from either parent in her childhood, and my heart aches to imagine how if she had been properly regarded with warmth as a child, she could be much closer to the Kanae we see for so much of the game.

I admit for this one I don't have text to fully support it besides a gut feel, but I think Kanae isn't straight. She's definitely some flavor of into girls, I just can't figure out to what degree. The Visual Fanbook sheds a tiny bit of insight here: she gives no shits really about Keisuke, all her thoughts are aimed at Nemu. It's giving very toxic yuri and I'm here for it lol, but I just get this vibe that if a girl were interested in Kanae she wouldn't necessarily be grossed out by it. She'd perhaps even be delighted to have a new potential pet on her hands. Also her chemistry with Rika and the scene where Rika pees in the bucket while Kanae encourages her throughout it is just... it feels so yuri to me...

Kanae would give killer aftercare. She's cold and distant most times, or downright cruel depending on the moment, but I can absolutely see Kanae to be the type to rest her labcoat around her shivering pet if they needed warmth, or even just hold them to her and stroke their hair or along their body as she'd praise in lulling tones how well they took what she gave to them--even, or perhaps especially, if they really, truly didn't like it. She may not fully come at it with the same soothing energy as pre-true end Kanae, but I feel like she'd definitely help do her best to bring her subject back to reality (before royally messing them up all over again lol).

She absolutely has a ribbon collection and will match her ribbon to her outfit depending on the occasion, doubly so if it's a special occasion. I admit this is based on the CLOCKUP Vocal Collection album artwork.

I could go on and on so please do let me know if you want to hear more!

[single-malt-scotch]

hrmmm hrmm thinking about minecraft and roleplaying and d&d.

i mentioned it before i think in a post but i DO love roleplay actually, i love roleplaying overall- my lack of appeal w recent rp in things like hermitcraft more so comes from the fact theyre aimed at being family friendly/for kids (and that they dont really make "characters" to separate from themselves) buut also i kinda wonder how much any folk doing this stuff thinks of their role as a 'dm' of sorts. this isnt to say everyone needs to take such a organized role, but as the interest in minecraft SMP storytelling increases, i do wonder more if anyone would tackle this with more organization, bc I often feel like it lacks that and it's why I don't hold interest in it.

honestly i cannot deny that i would looove to be in charge of story telling in a setting like a minecraft server. if i had people to play with id get so into the idea of directing a general story. but thats the one thing i realize- many SMPs that i see that are popular dont have much direction in this regard, and theres many times where story pops up and fizzles out with no ending because... there was no goal in mind.

RPing is complicated while it is improv, in setting like D&D and other group settings, its likely someone is in charge of the overall direction. or its what would be recommended, because without proper planning for the long term, you lose the plot unless everyone involved is capable of winging it very very well.

personally id love to see someone tackle an SMP with the same intention as tackling a normal D&D campaign... not to say they need dice roles or NPCs planned out but, i think theres a big lack of management in some SMPs that reach for very ambitious ideas and that can often be their downfall/what causes stories to stay unfinished or forgotten.

not everyone needs to make an SMP like that, im just saying id enjoy seeing someone use minecraft as a D&D sandbox tbh. and i think of LOM because i think thats what Rob kinda went for before deciding minecraft wasnt the platform he wanted. he went on to DM multiple campaigns of D&D with his friends and they were all very well done-- if hed done it in minecraft too i wouldnt been all over it still! funny enough the only other thing that came to mind while writing this was Shadow of Israphel which felt very D&D-ish with the fact there were NPCs, but it was also heavily scripted- still, it hits a lot of the marks when it comes to storytelling in minecraft.

its hard to draw the line though, since RPing can get quite intense on a certain scale. i wouldnt want to see heavily scripted super serious plot all the time. but i do feel like one issue i have had is seeing improv RP from random players can really deviate the tone across the server and videos. Like, to see some people engaging in the Hermitcraft s8 plot while some are just... not at all? kinda awkward. it feels like im watching someone put on a crazy LARP constume while other people are just sitting in casual wear minding their own business. and i have to decide one of those doesnt exist - and i feel like the same is kinda happening with hermitcraft s9 too now with ren being king and all. its also why i completely ignore some players on the Life series bc i was immediately slapped with them putting on a roleplay-ish persona that just did not feel along side the people i watched. even some bits in the middle of videos i skipped past just to not see it lol.

so yeah idk what im saying here other than.... RP is cool, love it! would love to see more RP focused SMP where perhaps... 1) everyone was actually into it so it didnt feel awkward between different tones of playing 2) there was more organization, perhaps treated more like D&D dming, in order to not lose plot lines when they do happen. it would be great too, as it would help keep everyone tied together, having a proper dm figure would help so no one gets left out tbh. 3) i also just hate the family friendly vibes sorry thats what im missing most.

and admittedly i loved dming a 20-30 member RP when i did it on discord. kinda wanna run a rp focused smp now, whoops

[lordeasriel]

What don’t you like about the tv show version of Marisa

Well, it's not Marisa, for one thing. It's a very crude and poor attempt at bringing her on-screen. Talking about what I dislike about her means this gets intrinsic with the show's greatest flaws, because they are a big part of what is wrong with her portrayal.

First issue I have is that she is a very washed down version of what Marisa is. She's soft, purposeless other than "Lyra is my daughter" and overall she is a dull character. Had Book! Lyra ever met her, she would have found Show!Marisa boring.

Marisa's lack of purpose is deeply tied with many narrative problems, such as shallow worldbuilding (the non-women scholar bullshit from season 2, for one, and the lack of daemons) and even with Boreal, they played it very safe and boring. When Marisa deals with him in the books, she is power-playing and very strongly too; he isn't a nobody. In the show is very meh, Boreal is almost on even grounds with her, which makes her scheming silly and uninterested. Worse than that, she whines and cries so much in front of him (in episode 5, season 2 specifically, and this is where I left the show and I do not intend to come back lol) that it makes no sense. Marisa's vulnerability is only seen in specific moments of the book — with Asriel at the bridge, then later at the abyss, once with Lyra in the caves. There is a reason why she is vulnerable in those instances, and only then. Making her open herself to Boreal is utter garbage, plain and simple.

Second issue I have is how they set the tone for her to be a scorned mother. The show plays, again and again, the "I've always wanted you Lyra but--" card. They make it seem like Asriel stole Lyra from Marisa's throbbing chest and disappeared into the night, and oh! how desperately she has looked for her beloved child. Honestly! All the fucking books, even TBOD, show how she didn't want Lyra then and when she finally did, it was out of self interest and vanity. Only later, in TAS, is when she finally warms up to Lyra. They erased her character development for the sake of some motherly tears and I loathe it.

This pair's with Sami's latest post which just proves what I've been saying since season one: they took a great, leading character female character and they made it all about motherhood. It's insulting. Marisa is so much more than a mother. She never wanted to be a mother.

Third issue is the "She is bad because of how oppressed she has been" issue. Northern Lights, chapter four - Lyra dines with the women and the master and you have a whole discussion on female scholars and how Lyra felt pity for them and so on and how Mrs. Coulter was very different. Like, anyone who had actually bothered reading the novels could tell you that Lyra's world is a patriarchal world, but the women still find their way around, as they have since forever in our world.

Now for the show, this pisses me off on many levels, but my main issue is with how they try, so hard, to have Marisa say - and this is important, it's never shown, it's only ever said by her - how men get the better end of the deal, how she had to work so hard to get where she was and blah blah blah. Honestly, this is very true for the show; they bothered very little to write meaningful women into it, the one change I would have appreciated very much, but as in regards to the truth of the character, it's just nonsense. This whole shenanigan could have been fixed with Hannah Relf's presence, because she alone would prove that Marisa's cruelty and malice are innate traits, not a byproduct of her world being sexist. It makes no sense.

If you're looking for more insight into that, I recommend Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss which is an analysis of episode 5, season 2 and this patriarchy business on the show. It's very good and insightful and more reasonable than I will ever be discussing the show lol

There's no excuse for Marisa's poorly written character. It's a waste of Ruth Wilson's acting and a damn shame for a studio that so often claimed to have learned from the movie's mistakes (which they, very very obviously did not as Marisa from the show and the movie are very, very similar). That's why I've only stuck with books since season 2, because while Philman sometimes does stuff I don't entirely agree with, he has a great grasp on the woman he wrote, which is why I leave you with Madame Delamare's own words about Marisa, something the show writers failed utterly to understand and therefore could never truly bring her to screen:

"Delicately and subtly," she mocked "Marisa would know how to show some force. Some character. She was all the man you'll never be."

[shjapologist]

please introduce yuor blorbos to us

kyaa okay so one thing about me is that i love whzn theres a guy who lacks common sense . i'll introduce them by order of current real estate taken in my brain

lets start w lu bixing my good friend lu bixing from can ci pin

hes a scientist hes a gangster hes a genius hes a teacher he exclusively goes by the YOLO principle and if he stops for 2 seconds to think about the cost of his life he will start spiralling immediately

this is a man who has invested 1000 points in charisma and intelligence and 0 on wisdom. a man who will inject himself w a supersoldier chip just to see what it does. a man who gets himself out of shit by talking as fast as possible and is so convincing he sets off chains of events that end up sparking revolutions

introduced as showy flirty love interest, IS the showy flirty love interest but has the advantage of being insane so hes not boring abt it. guy who makes spreadsheets in his mind about how the commander has to be in love with him now definitely. hes gathered the data. hes using the scientific method. no way around it. frankly incredible

a very genuine and straightforward guy :) hes also so vaain it's def a charm point. very aware that he has terrible terrible taste in men as well but cannot stop himself from being down catastrophic for the biggest bastard in the galaxy. this is only one of the many times he acknowledges it :

hes such a charming character ive never insta stanned like this in my life. occupying every one of my spare thoughts these past few days i cant stop thinking about him and his happy childhood <- said in the most wretched tone

and. lastly. he is the FUUNNIEESSTTTT

on to blorbo number two sung hyunjae from sclass

very recently dethroned from number one. another thing abt me is that i like men who are huge cunts 😔

in his cringe toxic murderbasement ml era for the first hundred chapters of the novel terrible vibes hes got you booing and throwing tomatoes And Then His Birthday Happens and youre never the same person you once were

the bzst way to describe the character developpement this guy went through is a pic of him bllack and blue all bones shattered at the bottom of the stairs w a giant arrow pointing down like "WHAT LOVE DOES TO A MF" HEEEEESSS so special. to me. with his dumbass bloody fork

hes a guy that values his agency over anything else he loves being himself he loves living as the guy who is sung hyunjae so im a big fan of how its always at a certain level of danger. lol. his pre-regression self is so miserable and pathetic everything in that regard went terribly wrong for him his intro is one of my fav arcs :)

anyways he actually has the potential to be a genuinely nurturing presence but its so rare for it to be pertinent to his personal agenda you wouldnt Know. but then You Do Know. bc he gets drop kicked into being a real boy through escalating psychosexual games and being offered a reaching hand time and time again by the only person who ripped through the script and called him a huge bitch. you also see him tip over from standard selfishness into the kim dokja register and that is a terrible thing to happen when theres a han with abandonment issues around.

rly enjoyed seeing him turn into a fucking auntie who knits hot pink ensembles in his spare time and discovers the mundane wonders of the world and maybe the indignity of human emotion who knows(LMFAO) so anyways yes tje power of love saved him znd now hes malewife stepdad supreme half of the shit he does makes my face clip through my bones from embarrassment he has to be the most annoying fictional man ive ever seen. (through tears) youre old and decrepit grow up already bitch!!!

and so sorry im about to make you look at truly heinous images but a very very fucking funny thing that happened in the sclass webtoon is that they called on a guest artist to render his scenes in the most shoujo like way possible. NEVER recovering rom this

numberthree . yan suizhi from first class lawyer...

genius lawyer is thought to have died, is instead shoved in the body of a random guy . so the first thing he does is join up the internship program organised by the college he used to teach at to investigate his own murder. the problem is that he is complete PANTS at pretending he is not a genius lawyer so his mentor is inventing new stages of grief to go through daily

he's the impenetrable cheerful facade type. a very good bald faced liar.. once you defrost him you find out hes living his life to the fullest to cope with how deeply lonely he is :) heres a part that rendered my brain to mush

i miss you yan suizhi i need to catch up to lawyer novel sometime for real.

blorbo number four always a constant little buzz in the back of my mind YOO JOONGHYUK(allof them)

i dont think i need to wax much poetic about him. the only time traveler progamer eldest daughter grill boss . i think this should go in a museum

ok thats all the main ones i think . there's a crouching blorbo in lin jingshu from can ci pin as well but i havent seen quite enough of her yet for her to properly latch onto my brain. airing out the deep evil inside of her now that society is collapsing. crazy

thank you for listening <3 :)

[greensaplinggrace]

So you mentioned in another post that you have some strong thoughts on Baghra, especially about how the story frames her as one of the good guys. I would love to hear about it.

@youremotionallystablefriend: I would love to hear you rant about Baghra if you feel like it (and haven’t already)! Personally I don’t think she gets enough constructive critique in the fandom for being the one that brought Aleks up and for the way she treated her pupils and especially Alina :/

Anon: Hello! I love your thoughts on the grisha books. I'm actually interested to hear your take on Baghra

@misku-nimfa: If you are up for it, I would love to read your thoughts on Baghra or your full critique of society in the Grishaverse. Your analysis is really well structured and interesting! ^.^

Anon: Hi! I saw your recent post and was wondering if you'd share more of your thoughts on Baghra?

---

Hello everyone! I was honestly very surprised to see so many people interested in my thoughts on Baghra? I'll share what I can, but please know that this is by no means a full breakdown of her character! It’s just some Thoughts I’ve had, and they’re mostly centered around show Baghra because that’s how I was first introduced to her character. Although IMO book Baghra might actually be even worse.

I’d like to preface this by saying that many of my issues with the treatment of Baghra as a character in fandom come from the wild double standard there seems to be regarding her and the Darkling. Darkling Antis and a vast majority of the people in this fandom who don’t like his character have a disturbing habit of absolutely ripping into the Darkling for all of his faults and then turning around and treating Baghra as some sort of pristine mother figure for the exact same shit.

They’ll talk about how badass she is, how strong she is, how they sympathize with her past (although they’ll continue to dehumanize the Darkling and refuse to sympathize with his own past) and sympathize with the fact that she has to deal with the Darkling (who’s always referred to as a monster she must corral or control, as if he is inhumane and beastly. These particular comments always take on the very distinct tone of victim blaming as well). They’ll laud her for all of these “powerful girlboss” moments as if they aren’t carbon copies of the Darkling’s own behavior - as if they aren’t things Baghra herself taught him. Which is why this is the wildest double standard of all to me, because every horrible action they praise Baghra for is something she taught the Darkling, and something they cannot stand to see in him as well.

It’s as if there’s a disconnect between their consumption of the literature when it comes to the two characters, and I’m of the opinion that it’s largely because Baghra is a woman and a mother and therefore infantilized in the fandom quite a bit. In fact, Bardugo herself often infantilizes many of her female characters in her writing. This is mostly through the process of excusing their terrible deeds, not allowing them to do anything remotely dark, or brushing any morally grey actions under the rug without ever touching upon them. Which puts me in the strange position of knowing I’m supposed to sympathize with Baghra for having to deal with the monster she’s created, and instead feeling resentful of the fact that this bitter woman is held up as this wise old strict teacher instead of the abusive mentor/mother she should have been.

Now, here’s what I said to make so many of you send me asks:

Last note, in reference to your first line, and also probably a pretty unpopular opinion. I do not like Baghra. And it legit has nothing to do with the Darkling or with Alina, I just don't like her "I'm going to hit you and berate you and emotionally abuse you and manipulate you and act like the good guy at the end of it" vibe she's got going on. At least Aleksander is acknowledged as the villain within the narrative. Idk wtf Baghra is on but it's absolutely wild to me that people aren't more critical of her actions. Which is, rather fortunately for you, another rant I will save for another post if anybody ever wants to hear it lol. (but like kudos to Baghra's actress. I loved the character as a character, I just don't like the way she's framed as a good guy. Weird. Uncomfortable. She literally set bees on the kids she was teaching).

This basically summarizes most of my thoughts on Baghra as a character and how she’s portrayed. I touched on it a bit above, but the way she’s able to get away with so much and not suffer under heavier critique is honestly baffling to me. There should be a lot more criticism of her out there in the fandom. This is the woman who abused her students and neglected her son. Although to be honest I don’t even know how to quite describe the emotionally neglectful yet unhealthily codependent bond she fostered in him from a young age. IMO, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander is creepy, and I know she has a history that makes it more understandable, but it’s still incredibly disconcerting to witness.

But let’s get back on track! First of all, her students. Whom she physically, emotionally, and mentally abuses. She’s derisive, she’s insulting, she’s belittling. She works hard to strip them of any self confidence they may have. She uses pain as a means of triggering powers. And the strict teacher excuse doesn’t fly. The “it’s only a training method!” excuse is even worse. This is literal abuse she’s heaping on her students and it’s wretched.

The first thing she does to Alina when they first meet is insult her. Then she hits her. Then she kicks her out.

Second time they interact is a montage. Baghra hits Alina multiple times. She shames her. And then when Alina actually calls a light she tells her it’s not nearly enough, effectively wiping the smile off of her face and every sign of self confidence that had been building. Then we see the door to Baghra’s hut shut in Alina’s face. So now she has been bruised, battered, berated, stripped of all self confidence, and then banished again. As training methods go, this is not only entirely ineffective, but it’s also just abusive.

Then we get this interaction between Alina and her friends:

Marie: One time, Baghra released a hive of bees on me. Nadia: Worst part is, it worked. Marie: It really did. I could summon at will after that.

Which is fucking horrifying and not talked about nearly enough. That goes beyond hitting your students. Baghra used a fear tactic on a young girl to activate her powers. She literally tortured Marie to make her powers work.

Alina throughout this conversation is looking very disheartened. She’s lacking in any self confidence and the comment about the bees has clearly affected her. For someone who’s first words to Alina were “Everyone believes that you are the one. Come back when you believe it too,”  Baghra doesn’t exactly seem keen on Alina actually believing she’s the one. If she did, she wouldn’t be stripping her of every positive emotion associated with sun summoning.

Let’s not forget that Baghra demeans Alina multiple times for her status as an orphan. How she utilizes what she knows of Alina’s emotional weaknesses to provoke her and discourage her and make her angry.

And then Baghra drugs her without consent. To take advantage of any information Alina gives her in that state. To use the way Alina reacts for her own ends.

Because why else would she say this?:

Alina: We planned to run away together. Baghra: You had plans. Perhaps he never did, because where is he now?

Which is, strangely enough, the same sense of isolation and separation from Mal and her past that Aleksander is attempting to foster. Weird how mother and son are both using the same manipulation tactics.

In fact, why does Baghra never tell Alina about the letters until she’s already engaged with Aleksander? Baghra must have known he was taking them. Alina talks about it enough. Baghra must have known he was isolating her from Mal. How could she not, when it’s revealed later that she has spies in the Little Palace collecting information on him? How could she not, when she knows he’s the villain from the beginning - when she knows he’s manipulating Alina?

Baghra knows, and yet she keeps the same lies Aleksander does and furthermore uses that information to make Alina feel even more isolated and weak. Baghra literally just piggy-backs on Aleksander’s manipulation and then exacerbates it. She wants Alina to feel no attachments to her past because she wants to use Alina as well. But for some reason, because this manipulation and treatment of Alina as some sort of tool is done by the woman who opposes the Darkling, it’s suddenly okay. As if it still isn’t the same terrible shit but with a different perpetrator. I mean damn, at least Aleksander feels something for Alina. Baghra’s just cold.

So, point by point. Baghra mentions how Mal doesn’t care for Alina, she mentions Alina’s failings constantly, she mentions Alina being an orphan, she constantly hits her, she guilts Alina about orphans dying, she works to instill a sense of isolation from her friends and her family.

And when Alina finally comes to Baghra, having decided to abandon her attachments to her past and her attachments to Mal, the words that ring in her head are Baghra's words - “needing anyone else is weak.”  Which is honestly just a horrible sentiment in general, but an even worse one when considering how hard these people are working to detach Alina from anybody who can help her or give her an outside perspective.

Strangely, it’s also similar to this line:

The problem with wanting, is that it makes us weak.

...which is spoken by Baghra’s son. You know, the Darkling? Our big bad villain? The one Baghra raised?

Which gives me the impression that Baghra’s teaching methods with her students are really not that far off from the teaching methods she used on him as he was growing up. It’s a horrifying thought, and leads into my problems with her relationship with Aleksander.

First of all, show wise. What the fuck.

Aleksander: They’re punishing us for being Grisha. Baghra: Punishing you. You made him afraid. Now he wants you to fear him. Aleksander: I won a war for him. Baghra: And in doing so, started a war on us.

I get that she’s trying to convey how the king feels here, but it still feels incredibly victim blamey from a narrative standpoint. It isn’t Aleksander’s fault the king fears him when he used his powers under the King’s banner to help him win a war. Aleksander trusted this man who betrayed him and then betrayed his people, and we get a line from his mother, entirely unsympathetic, talking about how it’s his fault all of these people are dying.

Baghra: Where’s the girl, your healer? Aleksander: Dead. She died because of me. Baghra: She died because they always do. They’re not as strong as you and me.

Baghra’s use of the term ‘girl’ and ‘healer' here instead of Luda is pretty telling. She either doesn’t like Luda or doesn’t care for her. Either way, this is the woman her son loves, and Baghra talks about her so dispassionately. Then he comments on Luda’s death and there’s no reaction except to say that they always do.

Like, her son is literally broken up over here. Grieving. Desperate. Run ragged. Caged and hunted. Feeling guilty as hell. Mind running through a million different ways he could possibly save all of these people. And Baghra offers him nothing except a paltry “people die, get over it, we’re better than that, she didn’t matter anyway.”

Honestly, how is Aleksander even still functioning at this point? He has no support system and he’s working against a king and his army to protect a group of civilians he could easily abandon to save himself. The sheer amount of responsibility and mental strain keeping track of a group alone entails is already monstrous, but adding in every other factor? The recent death of Luda, the fact that they’re cornered and they’ve been hunted down while fleeing across the land, the fact that he was just a couple hours ago forced to his knees and entirely at these men’s mercy, begging for Luda’s life. And here his mother is, if anything a negative support system. Offering no other ideas, telling him to give up hope, not even offering the barest smidgeon of emotional support as he grieves, putting everything on his shoulders.

It pisses me the fuck off.

Aleksander: You’re the one who taught me how to kill, mother. Their blood is on your hands as much as mine.  Baghra: I taught you so you could protect yourself. Not them.

Once more, Baghra highlights how he needs to protect himself. How he should abandon the people he’s protecting. How he shouldn't help others and only ever himself. Once more, she says it’s my way or the high way. There’s zero effort to work with him. Zero effort to sympathize or compromise. She’s constantly pushing him to take the one option she knows he won’t take. The hell did she think was going to happen?

Also, Baghra taught him how to kill. Not necessarily great parenting, but understandable given the circumstances of his upbringing. But the level to which she takes it is honestly concerning. Like, look no further than this woman to see where Aleksander got it from lol.

Baghra also forbids him from using Merzost. Which is great and all, she gets to claim the moral high ground. But she doesn’t offer a single alternative except to flee and let everybody die. There was legitimately no other option to Merzost except for torture and death. If there was, Baghra sure as hell didn’t help Aleksander come up with one. Aleksander, who - by the way - is in no fit emotional state to be making any kind of decision right now.

So anyways, that’s just my tv show grief regarding Baghra, and it’s not even really all of it. I don’t want to make this an hour long read though lmao. But I’ll go over a few other things.

First of all, Baghra’s whole “We’re the only two that matter. We have to do whatever we can to protect ourselves,” mentality is one that she actively touts to Aleksander on a regular basis when he’s incredibly young. It’s honestly a wonder he grows up to care about other people at all. But the mentality itself is something Aleksander still heavily internalized in regards to protecting himself and those he deems worthy at any cost.

There’s a moment in the books when Aleksander is attacked and nearly drowned by some kids who wanted his bones (one of which was a close friend of his). He uses the cut in self defense and then blames the nearby Otkazat’sya village. Baghra knows he’s lying, and yet she allows an entire village to get slaughtered for harming him. This is a disproportionately violent act that Baghra approves of, and Aleksander as a kid is definitely internalizing that mindset.

Also, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander has always been weirdly possessive and controlling. Especially when it comes to the people he loves. Her actions often come across as her trying to isolate him in order to keep him by her side, even when the relationships he has are clearly intimate. Which... is especially strange for a mother to be doing to her son.

She was also an extremely emotionally neglectful mother. Based on the show and what I gathered from her actions there, I’m actually half convinced she was physically abusive as well, in that “I think I’m being a stern, good parent figure when in reality I’m actually harming my child” kind of way. She fosters codependence with her son and then refuses to provide for any of his emotional needs. She drives it into his head that everybody dies, that he’ll always be alone, that love is useless and power is everything. She denies him the opportunity to be soft and works to harden him at a young age. She tells him he must never allow people to touch him, except she doesn’t work to supplement those physical needs in any way. She essentially abuses him.

Honestly, I could go on. But in reality the simple fact is that I just don’t like her. I think she’s a hypocrite. I think she’s abusive. I think she’s a terrible mentor and an even worse mother. And I think the fandom and the books are willing to brush aside so many of her faults simply because she opposes the Darkling.

I’m sorry if this isn’t what you guys were looking for! It sounds like a lot of you wanted a more of a sophisticated breakdown, but my thoughts on Baghra come with a heap of emotional baggage lol. It feels weird to say this now, but I actually do like the character as a character, I just,,, don’t like her in every other aspect. My feelings on Baghra are just a bit personal, to be honest. But hopefully this was at least comprehensible??

[yumgrapejuice]

An analysis on Ranboo’s lore playlist

okay y’all first of all, ranboo has a killer taste, i love him, and second, i couldn’t resist. i’m an analyst by nature. am i looking too deep into some things? did ranboo maybe choose some songs purely for the vibe? perhaps. do i care? no. let me have my fun.

I’m gonna drop my own analysis/interpretation based on these songs but feel free do use this yourself if you want!! And also feel free to disagree/correct me on anything!! I’m not a professional musical analyst lol and I did take some inspiration from already existing interpretations for the more lyrical songs.

here’s the playlist btw

“Introduction to the Snow”—introduction to the album. Fitting for the playlist’s beginning, seeing the tone. It’s mostly referencing (self-imposed) isolation.

“Dream Sweet in Sea Major”—this Miracle Music’s whole album is about dreams and reality, how they clash, loneliness and the wish to be close to someone, yet still remaining isolated. Very whimsical, metaphorical, melodic, and it has this vibe as if on the edge of consciousness. I’d say it fits quite well with c!Ranboo’s general vibe. This song in particular deals with sleepwalking(ha)/being in a dreamlike state, the line between what’s real and what’s not blurred.

“The Mind Electric”—oh this one fits Ranboo extremely well. First part is in reverse, the second in normal (mirroring), and it can get quite unsettling. Like you’re not sure what’s happening with the instrumentals, many different voices. Again, very metaphorical, but to put it shortly, the protagonist is being judged for a crime they’ve committed and, in their defence, they say: “Father, your honor, may I explain, my brain has claimed its glory over me; I’ve a good heart albeit insane”. They get “condemned to the infirmary” for that, where electric shock is used on them as a form of “therapy”. As a result, the protagonist loses grip on reality and themselves and truly does go insane. They beg for mercy and sympathy, but there’s no one to help them. “Someone help me; Understand what's going on inside my mind; Doctor I can't tell if I'm not me”—need I say more, really?

“Live and Let Die”—the phrase “live and let die” means to live your life how you wish and let others live how they wish without interfering. At first, you live by the phrase “live and let live”, meaning you have your ideals and you try to change the lives of others according to them, but as life progresses, you stop caring as much/try to distance yourself from others’ business.

“Turn the Lights Off”—dreams and nightmares. Mildly foreboding yet energetic. The actual meaning is about growing up (transition from childhood to adulthood), but we can take some other interpretations that’d fit with Ranboo’s character better. This Tally Hall’s album deals with differences, black and white, and how there shouldn’t be a divide between them. In this song, there are some noteworthy lines that I’d like to mention:

- “Bend the nightmare, you control it; Artful dodger, easy does it”—lucid dreaming, you have to be careful with it so as to not lose control.

- “Shut the closet, get under the covers”—you’re afraid of something and instead of facing it and seeing whether there even is something to be afraid of, you hide.

- “Turn the lights off”—confront your fears. It can also mean that in the dark, there’s no differences between people, going back to the album’s meaning.

- “And everybody wants to get evil tonight; But all good devils masquerade under the light”—this could mean that everyone has a darker part of themselves but those who actually indulge in their dark tendencies do so in plain sight by pretending to be someone else.

“Ruler of Everything”—the main theme here is time and how it’s the “ruler of everything”; time doesn’t matter about where it goes, and it will never stop. The second verse is most interesting to me—there are two singers, man and time, but for the sake of interpretation let’s just see it as two voices. One is obsessed about being liked, fitting in, constantly asking for reaffirmation (“Do you like how I walk? Do you like how I talk?”), while the second criticizes the first (“You practice your mannerisms into the wall”). They argue—”I’ve been you, I know you, your facade is scam; You know you’re making me cry, this is the way that I am”. The second is calling out the first for not being honest to himself. Tone is lighthearted but with an edge of unease.

“Merry-Go-Round of Life”—from Howl’s Moving Castle soundtrack. The title’s self-explanatory, I’d say.

“Killer Queen”—this one’s a harder one to interpret in regards to Ranboo lol. The song is about, based on an interview with Mercury, a high class woman that likes to indulge in her various desires (mostly sexual). I would doubt that’s what Ranboo was going for, so! Perhaps about a person that has no regards for their reputation and instead does whatever they feel like it? They have a certain image but still act however they like. Yeah, not too sure about this one :’) But that’s what I’ll go with for my later analysis.

“Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked”—quite straightforward. A person that performs bad deeds has reasons for them. Not excuses, but explanations, and you can sympathize with it. We all do “bad” things for one reason or the other, and, in the end, we’re all just trying to get by. Once again, plays into the theme of there not being a clear distinction between good and bad.

“The Bidding”—another harder one to interpret. On the surface, it’s about an auction where men are trying to sell themselves to women. They all present themselves in different images, and it’s remarked that the women care less about the date and more about the prospect of it, the pretty words. The date, actually, ends up being disappointing. Could be about expectations. Some men outright admit they’re assholes so whoever chooses them should know that. People can tell you what their intentions are from the start so if you end up hurt, you have no one else to blame but yourself.

“A Mask of My Own Face”—another interesting one! Unusual instruments, strong beat. They’re singing about how they have a desire to pretend to be someone else while secretly still being themselves. “I’d rob my own apartment and I wouldn’t give a damn; I’d blame it on the person that nobody knows I am”—implying they have no regard for their own livelihood and are just out to have some fun. Plus, that no one would be aware it’s all an act. “I'd wear it on Thanksgiving and I'd laugh in the parade; At all the people hissing, knowing I'm the one they hate”—they take delight in the idea of upsetting others and them not knowing it’s actually the singer that they should be hissing. “And at the big finale I would tear my face away; And smile as they grip their own and try to do the same”—everyone wears masks, and this person implies that their mask and their true self is not different from each other while others’ are.

“Stardust Crusaders”—soundtrack from Jojo. Action-packed? idk never seen it sorry lol

“I Can’t Decide”—oh, this one’s a doozy! One of the ones that do not fit c!Ranboo at all, but that’s what makes it interesting. A classic, the singer is out to have fun, very lighthearted and yet they’re singing about murder. The protagonist here is clearly mentally unwell and they’re indecisive whether they should let their enemy/toy/(up to interpretation) live or not. Some curious lines:

- “It’s not easy having yourself a good time”—in the context of the song, that “good time” implies something wicked.

- “I’m not a gangster tonight, don’t wanna be the bad guy, I’m just a loner, baby, and now you’ve got in my way”—they don’t view themselves as “bad”, however, the next two lines are paradoxal—the singer says they’re alone and yet decide to “mess around” with whoever comes up in their life.

- “No wonder why my heart feels dead inside, it’s hard and cold and petrified”—signifying lack of empathy.

- “It’s a bitch convincing people to like you”—they don’t actually want to do that and see it as a bother.

“Stranded Lullaby”—back to Miracle Musical, back to the theme of isolation. Super lyrical, super musical. They talk about how their memories float around aimlessly in their head, a sea, and may sometimes get lost. The protagonist, a sailor, is losing touch with reality and can’t tell apart what’s a dream anymore and what’s not. They question what they’re going through and why.

“Hidden In The Sand”—a song about longing, in my eyes. The protagonist sings about how “you” love things and how he wishes to love the same things, in the end admitting that “all I’ve wanted was you”. They don’t wish to be separated, they wish to have someone in their life that they could love.

“Now I’m Here”—euphoric. They sing about how they’re alive again, thanks to one specific person. I’m not gonna go too much into this one (partly because it’s a more difficult one for me again, partly because it’s Queen and I don’t wanna uhh talk nonsense on accident lol), but what I got from it is that when one one else saw them, someone did, and they made them “live again”, and now as a result the protagonist is devoted to them.

“&”—really highlights Tally Hall’s album’s theme of black and white and that there shouldn’t be a divide. The repetition of comparing opposites is present throughout the entire song (Weak & Strong & Wet & Dry…) and it’s heavily implied we should “say goodnight” to this mindset. But people love to choose sides, put things into good or bad categories. By the line “They took a lesson from their fathers” it’s implied that people don’t develop this mindset by themselves and are rather influenced by others around them. The whole album is titled “Good & Evil” and Tally Hall examines and criticizes this idea. If we keep dividing people into good and bad, eventually, we’ll all destroy ourselves.

“I’m Gonna Win”—a song about someone who’s struggling to get by. “Sometimes it can seem like a merciless dream”—life can get really hard and the protagonist wonders “what’s really worthwhile”. In the chorus, whoever, they declare that they’re “gonna win” no matter what. They might get “bloody and bruised” but they won’t give up until they “won’t be abused” and until they’re “laughing alone”. No matter how hard life/others kick them down, they’ll keep going. By the lines “It’s hard to be charming and smart and disarming; It’s hard to pretend you’re the best; It’s hard to fulfill everyone’s expectations; It’s hard to keep up with the rest” it’s implied that they find it tiresome to keep up appearances and be liked. It’s challenging to always fit everyone’s expectations, but they’ll continue doing whatever they have to to “win”.

if ranboo ever adds more songs to his playlist, i may add them here too :) 

[twoidiotwriters1]

The believer (Din Djarin x Fem! Reader)

Resquest by: Me, lol. -Val

Words: 3, 343

A/N: Based on episode 15

"I mean it, Cara. You said you needed my help for important things. Being the commissioner of the new republic must be something better than just moving boxes” I complain leaving some on the ground. I walk to her desk.

“We are only relocating some files. Thanks for your help." She mocks. I roll my eyes. "We’re  almost done. Besides, you've already helped me enough by catching the bad guys. Who imprisoned all those thieves? " She tries to try fix it.

"I did" I say through my teeth. "Whatever. But do you promise this is the last one? "

"I promise. You'll see. Soon you’ll be with your Mandalorian. Although ” she frowns and gets up from her chair. “I just got a message from him. He says he will come today "

"What?"

She shrugs her shoulders.

“Maybe he can't wait any longer to see you. But I really need you to finish this "

I sigh. Why would Din come early? We agreed that I would return until Cara no longer needed me or… in case of emergencies.

"Well, where do I put this?" I try to lift another box, but it is heavier.

"Hey! No, we said only light things and you know it " she says, taking the box from me

"Whatever," I go back inside the office to look for more boxes.

**

After a couple of hours, I close the store’s door. I stretch my body and walk back to Cara's office.

Upon arrival, my heart races to see the armor that I already missed too much.

"Din!" I run up to him and throw myself into his arms. I put my arms  around his neck and he holds me by my waist.

“I'll leave you alone. I'll prepare everything,"  says Cara leaving.

I frown and pull away from him.

"Prepare?” I look straight into the visor of the Mandalorian. “What's going on? I thought you would come later "

"I'm also happy to see you," he jokes 

I smile.

"I'm sorry I didn't have a better welcome, but you didn't give me time," I say sarcastically.

"I don't think that matters now," he says changing his tone.

"Din, what is the problem?"

Din sighs and shifts uncomfortably.

"Something happened, I uh- sorry"

"Are you okay? Where’s the child? "

"They have the kid"

"What? Who?"

"Sorry, cyar'ika. It all happened so fast, I couldn't - I couldn't protect him enough ” says Mando, moving away a bit.

"Hey" I took his hand stopping him. "Listen. I'm sure that whatever happened, it wasn't your fault "

"You don’t know"

"Then, tell me"

"Moff Gideon. He kidnapped the child"

My body tenses remembering very well that monster. I clench my teeth.

"Where is he?"

"That's why I came, I need Cara's help." He sighs. "And from Mayfeld"

"Mayfeld? The idiot who tried to catch us in prison? "

"The same"

"Why the-? No, forget it. You'll tell me at the Razor Crest ”I walk towards the exit, but he stops me by taking my arm.

"The Crest no longer exists," he whispers. I frown and sigh at his tone of defeat. I take his hand and force him to follow the path.

“C’mon, we must not waste any more time. Nobody messes with my family "

**

"I don't like your new friend," I complain, sitting next to Din. "He's grumpier than you when we first met"

Din laughs at my pout.

"He's not that bad. He has been a great help"

"That doesn't take away the grumpiness"

"I don't find the charm in you either, princess," says Boba Fett. passing in front of us to open the cargo door. I grunt at the sight. Din puts a hand on my leg.

"Hold on, Cyar’ika."

We both got up to follow Boba along with his partner Fennec Shand. The four of us go out when Cara returns with Mayfeld.

Din steps forward while the others guard him closely and confronts the prisoner.

"Mayfeld"

"Hello, Mando. How long ” he answers, nervous. He looks behind Din and smiles slightly. "Hi gorgeous. It's nice to see you again "

I roll my eyes.

After explaining a bit about his value in knowing the Imperial protocols. We all went back to Boba's ship.

Mayfeld indicates the new course to Morak, where he must infiltrate an imperial database to find out the location of Gideon.

The new mission is to infiltrate to a secret mine, get to the refinery and get the information. A good plan, but after several years of being with the Mandalorian, I know it didn’t always turn out the way we expect. And the fact that they refine rhydonium, an explosive material, is not a good sign.

**

"I don't understand how he can be in a suit like this all the time," I complain, fixing the my  stormtrooper uniform.

"This one really sucks," Mayfeld continues, adjusting his boot.

Two guards to drive the truck with rhydonium and one to check the levels of the material, we replaced them as soon as they crossed a tunnel, it sounded like a good idea. But I can already smell the perspiration of whoever wore my suit.

Din walks towards us also wearing his black suit and helmet. He leaves his armor to Cara.

"Are you okay?" he asks me.

"The faster we do this, soon I will take this off"

"That interests me," I raise my eyebrow and smile. He tilts his helmet making me laugh.

The three of us get on the truck and the mission begins. We pass the tunnel and continue along the path in the middle of the forest.

Mayfeld tries to make conversation with us, but his attempts are in vain. Everything is going well, until an intercepted conversation warns us of certain complications with another truck ahead, and then we hear an explosion not far from us.

"You must continue" says Din "As long as you drive carefully and slowly, the Rhydonium will not explode"

"Good to know" answers Mayfeld.

"It's stable" I announce.

A knock to the side of the truck breaks the silence.

"Pirates. They are trying to destroy the Rhydonium ”says Mando.

We both go out on the roof of the truck and try to get rid of the pirates, but it gets harder and harder when more arrive. While we fight, Mayfeld makes sure the material levels don't overheat.

Every movement I make, makes my heart race, maybe I already have some experience fighting and Din has always helped me to defend myself, but this time it's different and I have to be more careful.

Our only salvation comes when we approach the empire mine. The whole army helps us against pirates.

I sigh in relief.

"Are you okay?" Mando asks. I nod. We both went back inside the truck.

Upon arriving safely at the mine, many people congratulate us on a great job. Of course, being the only ones who could pass an explosive for several kilometers with some pirates as an obstacle, should be cause for celebration.

We walked among the people, some soldiers, stormtroopers and other workers. Mayfeld tells us that a database may be in the dining room, so we keep pretending to know where we are.

When we get to one, Mayfeld steps forward.

"Good luck," Din tells him.

"Ugh, I can't take it anymore" I complain taking off my helmet. I straighten my hair as best I can and sigh. "Surely your beskar helmet is better than this, but I couldn't wear one all the time."

"You get used to it" says Mando.

"I can't go in," says Mayfeld, turning back.

"Why not?"

"There is Valin Hess"

"Who?" I ask.

"He was my boss" Oh no.

"Would he recognize you?"

"I do not know. I was just a field agent, but I won't risk it ” he says trying to leave, but Mando stops him.

"Make it quick so we can go"

Mayfeld denies.

"I can’t  do it, I’m sorry"

"No, I can’t. If we don't get those coordinates, we will lose the child "

"I’ll do it. Give me the data stick ”I tell them.

"Yeah, I don't think it's a good idea either," Mayfeld answers. "You have already attracted attention being a participant in the truck mission, if they see a woman in the database it will be more suspicious"

"That makes no sense"

“Maybe, but look around you. Any boss is a man, imagine what they would do without seeing you trying to enter the system "

“Give me the data stick,” Din interrupts. Mayfeld and I watch it.

"It won't work," says the bald man. "In order to access the network, the terminal has to scan your face"

I shake my head.

"There must be another way"

"Give it to me" Din repeats, taking away his memory

"No, wait" I try to take his arm, but he takes off and walks towards the terminal. "This will end badly"

"Since when has something gone well?" Mayfeld answers next to me.

My body trembles from nerves. Din must be desperate to even think about showing his face.

Mayfeld and I watch him from the entrance. Din walks to the terminal, presses some buttons, waits a second and as soon as I see his hands go to his helmet, I turn suddenly.

"Have you ever seen him without the helmet?" He asks. 

"No, I haven't"

He nods.

“And how do you…? You know. ” I frown at him. "What? Haven't you had sex yet? "

"That is none of your business"

"Hey, it was just a question" he defends himself. "Oh no" he says looking towards the dining room

"What?"

"We have a problem. Hess is talking to him

"Shit"

"I'll take care of it," he says nervously.

Mayfeld comes in to help Din, while my back is still turn on him. What am I supposed to do? I look around for an answer. Which comes when I see a crew member talking with other soldiers. She holds a datapad and the others sign on it.

It could work.

**

“We just call him Brown Eyes. Isn't that right, officer? " is what I hear when I get closer. Completely avoiding Din's face.

"Sir" I interrupt them. Hess turns to see me. "I need you to sign some documents regarding the delivery of the Rhydonium." Hess raises an eyebrow looking me up and down. I extend the datapad to him.

"Are you also part of that delivery, Lieutenant?" points to my uniform.

"Yes sir. They asked me to file the delivery, given the circumstances. Lack of staff ”I know the other two men are staring at me, but there is one look that makes me more nervous.

Hess nods.

"You are the only transport that delivered cargo today" he announces. “Let's have a drink. You too, Miss. We can celebrate," He smiles. " Brown eyes."

I sigh. The three of us follow Hess without saying anything. My eyes are fixed on the floor, but the problem widens when I get to the small table, Mayfeld and Hess are at my sides, leaving Din in front.

I use all my willpower not to look at his face, but I know he is watching me and it only makes it harder. I want to hit him, but that would force me to see his face. Dammit.

“You don't have to be so tense, Lieutenant. You can relax, we are in confidence ”says Hess offering a glass of alcohol. I smile taking the glass. "It’s  really surprising to see a woman on such a dangerous mission"

"It's part of the job, Sir"

“A good soldier, we need more troopers like that. Although, the women here are not as pretty as you. ” I clench my teeth. "Surely your companions agree with me" out of the corner of my eye I notice Din's hand clenched into a fist. "We can celebrate that too, can't we, boys?"

Din lowers his hand whipping his glass in a quick movement, causing the three of us to freak out and… it was just a reflection. My eyes connect with his. That alone was enough to make me lose focus.

Hess wants to ask about Din's behavior, but Mayfeld cuts him off.

"Shall we toast Operation Cinder?" He starts, but I can't hear the rest.

I observe every detail of Din's face. His facial hair, more than a shadow, his brown hair disheveled by the helmet, his profile, jaw, nose, lips and his brown eyes. I can't look away. 

Ever since I've known him, I've imagined what he might look like. He had only told me the color of his eyes and hair. I had touched his face with my hands, but I had never thought he to be… like this. Stars, he’s gorgeous. My cheeks are flushing like they never have before and he tries not to  smile. Son of a bitch. He knows my anxiety is about him. I feel like a silly teenager and the worst part is that I can't help it. To think that this handsome man is… mine. Stupid hormones.

After a few minutes, I shake my head and finally return to the conversation, which has become somewhat more tense. Mayfeld seems to argue and claim something about a past mission and Hess only apologizes for the flaws in that.

From one moment to the next, Mayfeld shoots Hess with his blaster. I turn to him and he seems surprised too, but it doesn't take long for those in the dining room to try something. I pull my blaster out of my stolen uniform and fire in self-defense.

The three of us were silent for a few minutes. Mayfeld has the helmet on Din.

“You did what you had to. We never saw your face ” he says looking at the wall. I follow suit until Mando hides his face again.

"Sorry" I whisper loud enough for him to hear me.

"Security in the common area" say some soldiers approaching. We shoot at them while looking for another way out.

Mayfeld climbs on the fence behind us, under the vents.

"Over here" He tells us.

Din follows him. I keep shooting until I see an opportunity to turn. Din extends his arm to me and helps me up. Both men manage to kick a vent. We leave the building to walk on the ledge until we reach a staircase that leads to the roof.

Thanks to Fennec and Cara who helped us by observing everything from a distance, we were able to return to Boba's ship safely. 

**

"We should talk about what happened," says Din, sitting next to me. It feels better to see him in beskar armor again.

After Mayfeld destroyed  mine and we set him free, the ship ride has a new direction. Fennec and Cara help Boba, although maybe they just want to leave us alone.

‘You must tell him. You're lucky I couldn't do anything to prevent you from going in the truck without suspicion.'

Cara's words echo in my head. But I ignore them, this is not the time. Din must focus on getting the baby back.

“We don't have to. Mayfeld said so. We never saw your face "

"Cyar’ika" takes my hand. "I don't regret doing it" I raise my head looking at his visor.

“It was necessary, I know. Everything is for the child, I understand it ” I grimace. “I know how much your creed means. I don't want you to feel bad about something that wasn't your fault. you had no choice "

"Listen to me" his hands go to my cheeks. “I could make any excuse for what happened, but I don't care that you saw my face. I could tell that you tried to look away and you don't know how much that meant to me ” he sighs.

"It was inevitable" I blush

He laughs. “You and the child are the most important thing and I would do anything to protect you. Regardless of my belief "

He leaves my face and now his hands travel to his helmet.

"Wow, wait, Din-"

"I want to do it"

He slowly takes it off and again I’m surprised to find his brown eyes. I settle in to see him. I touch his cheek and he closes his eyes, bowing to my touch.

“You’re part of my clan, my family. No more secrets, Cyar’ika "

"How could I be so lucky to have found you?"

“The lucky one is me. You never knew what my face was like and still you stayed by my side "

“It wasn't easy” I joke “But I know when a man is worth it. I don't regret staying by your side. And now less when seeing how incredibly hot you are, Brown Eyes "we both laughed

I move closer and press his forehead against mine, closing my eyes.

"I could see how you were blushing, Cyar’ika."

"Don't get too cocky"

**

‘He wants the permission of both’

'All right, pal. It’s time to go. Don’t be afraid ’

‘I love you too, my Little bean. We will see each other again, I promise. '

‘May de force be with you’

**

I stand in front of the door. After the emotional goodbyes, Din wanted to be alone for a few minutes. That happened two hours ago. I know my time is running out. This may not improve the situation, but I can't keep putting it off.

I push the button and the door opens. I enter the room and it closes again.

Din is sitting in his cot, his back to me, without his helmet.

“I know you don't want to talk and I don't know what to tell you that can help” I sigh “But you must know something. I have to tell you, Din "

I sit on the shore.

"It's not a good time"

"I can't keep waiting for that moment" he sighs and turns.

I lick my lips and fidget. He notices my movements, frowns.

"Are you okay? You're hurt?"

"No, I, uh. I'm good"

"What do you want to talk about?"

“Something happened when I was in Nevarro with Cara. Well, it happened a lot before, but I found out when I was there "He comes over and takes my hand" I know it's not the best scenario to tell you, but maybe I can take away your pain about the child- "

"Grogu"

"What?"

"His real name is Grogu" I smile nodding.

“Grogu will always be important to both of us, I am not trying to replace him in any way, it was never my intention. Although” I grimace “ I don't think I thought about this until it happened, but ”

"Cyar’ika"

"Yeah, right. I- uh. Din, I'm pregnant "

You never know what your partner's reaction to this news would be like and I, without a doubt never imagined being able to see this.

"We're going to have a baby?" He whispers. "Yours and mine?"

"Yes" I answer, unsure.

He shakes his head and frowns.

“But, you were in danger, the truck, with Gideon. Is the baby okay? Are you both? " he says quickly making me laugh.

"We are fine, Din"

"But-"

I take his face.

"We are both fine" that seems to reassure him. He's silent for a few seconds.

"Are you sure?" I nod. Little by little he assimilates the news again, now he smiles. He lets out a little laugh. "A clan of four"

My eyes water, I laugh too.

"A family"

"Allit"

We get closer at the same time. My lips collide with his in a tender kiss. Tears run down my cheeks. Din grabs me by the waist to get me closer to him, causing me to end up in his lap.

"Aliit ori'shya tal'din" he whispers near my lips. Family is more than a bloodline. "I love you, Cyar’ika"

"I love you too"

[hamliet]

when does a relationship become queerbaiting? theres a book that i really like and the 2 male leads characters have a lot of storylines and arcs where they get closer and i think some of the tropes used can be similar to the typical romantic tropes, neither of them end up with anyone at the end of the story since its more about found family and the long journey the whole cast goes through. they even get shipped by another character as a running gag. personally i always saw it as being open to interpretation but recently the revised edition of the original novel came out and there were several lines those 2 characters had about each other that were kinda toned down, i didnt think much of it but i saw a post about how it was clearly baiting and the author was being homophobic for toning it down. i didnt think it counted as baiting since as far as i know, the novel was never advertised as anything with romance and the author never pretended they were gonna end up together. i am definitely a little weirded out by the decision to change those specific lines but a lot of the story stayed the same, including a lot about their relationship so idk what to think.

i guess im more confused on if it counts as baiting, or even substext??

Sooooo I am not the best person to ask about this, because I’m a cis woman who has thus far in life only been attracted in a romantic sense to cis men. I can talk a bit about baiting as a general concept in fiction, but you should definitely take it with some grains of salt. 

Baiting, for me, is like deliberately playing up an aspect writers have no intention on delivering on. Usually this is done for ratings, to tease fans, fanservice, etc, but without payoff, it is just bad writing. Red herrings are good in writing, but only can be successfully used if the actual result is more satisfying than the herring. This applies to writing in general, not just to romantic ships. However, when the baiting involves historically underrepresented groups for no reason other than to get fans to spend money consuming the story, I think we can all agree that becomes something more grotesque than just bad writing: it’s insensitive, socially irresponsible, frankly hurtful. 

Some common examples are Bridgerton which has a gay character, who is extremely minor, yet they played up this character in advertising. Also, Rizzoli and Isles I think actually had its producers mention deliberately playing up the lesbian subtext to hook the audience without ever intending on following through. 

That said, context also matters. Like, there are aspects of the culture of the work’s author, the target audience, and such that come into play here also (so like, romantic tropes differ by culture. For example, enemies to lovers is common in Asian stories but less in the west, and the “girl who pursues a guy” is extremely common in Japanese shonen in particular, while it is very much a cringe trope that almost never results in romance in American fiction. So if a writer reads, say, tropes that are common in America into a Japanese work and says it’s baiting, that’s quite possibly not the intent even if it may have been the experience of the reader. So even if there was no intent, there can still be hurt, and that hurt can be real, if that makes sense. 

The definition of what constitutes ‘baiting’ varies. I do think that, in true Tumblr fashion, the term gets thrown around a lot and loses its intended meaning, or is so rigidly defined that creators can meet the letter of the “not a bait” requirement while ignoring the spirit of it.

To start with the latter: regarding something hitting the letter of what most wouldn’t consider baiting yet not really the spirit, let’s look at The Rise of Skywalker. This movie had a genuine lesbian kiss in it... between two characters we’d never seen more than a glimpse of while others are celebrating around them. Since it has a kiss, it’s not baiting, right? Well... the director deliberately said in the lead-up to the film that he included it because he “wanted LGBT people to see themselves in the film.” If “see yourselves in the film” is like a nanosecond of background, then, like... idk. Baiting or not, it feels icky, and I know some people consider it baiting and some don’t even if they don’t like, love that representation. But I think this is more queerbaiting than like, Nobara and Maki, who don’t have explicit romantic coding. 

Going back to the former, in terms of ‘queerbaiting’ losing its intended meaning... I think there are a lot of really poorly written romantic ships out there, often het, while a lot of same-gender relationships are really well written regardless of whether there’s romantic coding within the text. The main emotional energy in stories with 90% male characters (as frankly many if not most stories are, great job world) is probably between two men. There’s just so much more potential with well-written characters who share a lot of screen time, so of course people are going to ship them. In my opinion, this does not inherently make it baiting, but it certainly creates an environment that lends itself to baiting even if the writers aren’t intending to do this. 

Like, you could say the main emotional energy in BNHA is Bakugou and Deku. However, Bakudeku is 100% not queerbaiting. It’ll never be canon romantically (I don’t even ship it lol). There has been nothing to imply romance between them even if the main emotional message can be seen in their development. Deku/Ochaco is likely to be canon, but there is a significant lack of genuine emotional energy between them (the story’s plots and themes don’t coalesce around their relationship), so it’s probably going to feel forced. In contrast, Naruto/Sasuke had an actual kiss in canon, which while played for laughs is a lot more direct romantic coding than anything between Bakugou/Deku. I actually don’t think the majority of Narusasu is baiting, but I definitely think that one moment in chapter like 3 was really poor fanservice for yaoi fans, and has not aged well at all. 

It is also the case that fans can confuse headcanons with what is actually in the text, and that just never ends well. For example, Clover and Qrow’s ship in RWBY: a lot of people read Clover as gay, which led to “bury your gays” outrage when he died. A member of the crew stated explicitly they had never intended for Clover to be a love interest for Qrow, and truthfully here was nothing strictly romantic in their relationship--nothing like a kiss or a declaration of love or a parallel to another romantic couple. Hence, I don’t personally consider it queerbaiting or bury your gays, but a lot of fans felt that it was and their pain is legitimate even if I think textually the argument isn’t there. The one thing I do think is true about this in particular is that there was also no strict platonic coding, which encourages headcanons. Clear writing, yo. It can help. 

Note the word “can” not “will,” because strict platonic coding doesn’t always fix things, either. In what was probably a reaction to the outrage over Clover’s death, you had extremely blatant platonic coding of Ruby and Penny’s relationship this season leading up to Penny’s death. Ruby refers to Penny as “our friend” three different times, wherein “friend” sends a platonic message and “our” sends an even stronger message that it’s not about the two of them despite the fact that their friendship is one of the sweetest and most interesting in the show. A lingering Ruby-Penny hug then is followed by a lingering Penny-Weiss hug, then Yang, then Blake, etc. The writers went out of their way to hit people over the head with “platonic” and yet they have still gotten accusations of bury your gays and queerbaiting because people will see what they want to see in a story. 

Seeing what you want to see in a story also isn’t inherently bad. People who are underrepresented are going to have to read themselves into stories because Lord knows writers ain’t incorporating them well enough if at all. It’s why “Mary Sues” are common in fanfiction, which is primarily written by people who are not straight white men: because where the hell else are we to see ourselves in fiction? So essentially the macrocosm of culture creates this problem, both in terms of baiting and the misuse of the term, and the only fix is a shit ton more good representation.

[plasticnightmaredoll]

So, the "Justice League" finally got its own movie, eh? Oh, that thing from 2017 was just trash. It's gone. We don't need to look at it anymore.

But in all seriousness, it's great people called out for the Zack Snyder cut of the movie and actually got it! And, yes, it is a vast improvement over the Joss Whedon cut.

Now, my feelings about the DCEU have been pretty divided:

I actually did enjoy "Man of Steel" and found Superman to be relatable and likable for once (I'm not a Superman fan and don't come for me)

"Wonder Woman" was very entertaining and easily the best entry for me in the movie series so far.

"Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice" was a hot mess. Lots of good ideas but it was executed poorly. It felt kind of cheesy at times, especially that whole "Save Martha" thing. Jesse Eisenburg is not a convincing Lex Luthor. Ben Affleck is not a good actor and is a terrible Batman/Bruce Wayne. He's not as bad as George Clooney, but he's not much better either.

"Wonder Woman 1984" was a massive glow-down. Poor quality writing, Maxwell Lord was a weak villain, Cheetah was laughable, and the ending was so goddamn corny! Not to mention, it took ages for anything interesting to happen, and what was the deal with Steve Trevor possessing another dude's body? I mean...what?

Haven't seen "Suicide Squad" in its entirety but I do know and have seen enough to decide that it's a huge misstep. Haven't seen "Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn)" either but I have some interest in it so perhaps someday.

Haven't watched "Aquaman" but probably will eventually but I'm just not very motivated to see it. I like Jason Mamoa as Aquaman/Arthur Curry, but...I don't know. The trailers didn't really grab my attention.

The 2017 Joss Whedon version of "Justice League" was terrible -- worse than "Batman v Superman," worse than "Wonder Woman 1984." I thought the movie moved too quickly, lacked proper character development, and had some bad CGI (I mean, Mustache Gate, am I right?)

Onto the Synder Cut for "Justice League!" Spoilers ahead, of course:

These are really a collection of thoughts, opinions, and observations I had while watching the movie. I have only seen the 2017 film once and honestly don't want to watch it ever again, not even to "refresh my memory" of some details.

Steppenwolf

Steppenwolf was such a pitiful villain in the Whedon Cut. The CGI for him was terrible, and he looked like some weird dude in armor. His personality and motives were paper thin as well. He was a throw-away, token villain, and the only things memorable about him was his name and voice.

In the Snyder Cut, not only was Steppenwolf's CGI much more refined, his character design was imposing. His armor seemed to be alive, too, always shifting slightly, this way and that, which was an impressive sight. His motives, while nothing too deep or extraordinary, gave him a little more depth: he pissed off Darkseid and had to make up for it, and was clearly afraid of what could happen to him if he failed.

The name and voice obviously were still memorable but combined with the other improvements to his character, they were icing on the cake.

That being said, I don't think Steppenwolf is as intriguing or even remotely sympathetic as Loki and Thanos in the MCU.

Darkseid

Was Darkseid even mentioned in the Whedon cut? I can't remember and I don't want to watch that shitty movie again just to find out. However, I don't recall Darkseid making an appearance or even being spoken of in the 2017 version. Now, I haven't read DC (or Marvel) comics, so I don't know a lot about the guy, but he is supposedly one of the more iconic villains.

His motives are pretty simple, though: command and conquer. There isn't a lot of depth so far in the movies but he does pose a much larger threat than Steppenwolf did. You could tell Steppenwolf was intimidated by Darkseid, who was about as cold and menacing as they come. He's a complete villain in that regard, having no emotions and only seeking power for himself.

He looked great in the Snyder Cut. He was actually really fucking scary-looking. He made the beefcake Steppenwolf look like a puppy.

I'm glad that Darkseid made an appearance, even if he didn't fight the Justice League. It alludes to a much broader story, as well as foreshadows an epic boss fight down the line -- assuming the Snyder Cut is popular enough to convince the studios to make a direct sequel and not just abandon things in favor of some sort of soft reboot.

Superman/Clark Kent/Henry Cavill/Mustache Gate

Let's get this out of the way: Henry Cavill is hot af.

Ok, now that we got that out of the way, hooray for Snyder for getting rid of those nasty reshoot scenes involving Henry's CGI'd mouth! Can't say I missed them, you know? I mean, in the 2017 Whedon Cut, you could always spot reshoot scenes based on whether or not Henry's mouth looked normal and totally strange.

I think the 2017 movie had Superman grab Batman by the neck and ask, "Tell me: Do you bleed?" I'm relieved that was removed from the Synder Cut because it added too much of an evil tone to Superman, and we could clearly tell he was most upset with Batman upon being revived.

One massive problem with the 2017 movie was that it made every member of the Justice League look like bumbling idiots without Superman's help. It was downright embarrassing and unrealistic. I mean, you're telling me that Wonder Woman, a goddess, can't take on Steppenwolf? Or Victor Stone, a cyborg with incredible abilities? Making Superman key to winning isn't the problem, it's how it was done in the 2017 movie. He's already OP but that shouldn't mean his comrades have to be useless in comparison.

Superman was allowed to be OP in the Snyder Cut without making his team look incompetent. Like in the Avengers movies, everyone in the Justice League had a purpose and all of them worked together to defeat Steppenwolf. Superman obviously was key to winning, but, again, it wasn't like he was the only capable one during the battle.

I did like the black suit. It's kind of ominous but also very cool at the same time. But is it also foreshadowing something? I don't know...I haven't read the comics so I really don't have any idea lol.

Batman/Bruce Wayne/Batfleck

One glaring issue I still have is Ben Affleck is a mediocre actor at best and he's a terrible Bruce Wayne/Batman. I mean, they couldn't have found anyone else? Someone with, like, good acting abilities?

Martian Manhunter

This whole time -- THIS WHOLE GOTDAMM TIME -- Martian Manhunter was hiding in plain sight! General Swanwick, who I remember from "Man of Steel," IS Martian Manhunter. I didn't see that coming. I mean, I knew Martian Manhunter would appear in the Snyder Cut but I didn't know he'd have an alternate identity, let alone that of an existing character in the DCEU.

As much as I did like seeing him, I am glad he didn't play a big part because the movie already has plenty of characters as is, and introducing yet another one could have slowed things down and taken away from developing the plot.

The Runtime/Pacing

I mentioned already that the Whedon Cut felt rushed and needed much more time to develop its characters and plot. While I had doubts about whether or not making "Justice League" four hours long would be a good idea, it turns out that it was just what the story needed.

Character development was actually existent, and Cyborg/Victor Stone received a detailed backstory, and Flash/Barry Allen got some extra tidbits added to his character's story/background as well.

I actually thought Victor was a fascinating (if a bit tragic) character in the Whedon cut and was disappointed that he just sort of, like, popped up and fought alongside the other Justice League members with the tiniest amount of depth.

Despite an epic 4-hour runtime, it didn't feel slow, nor did it feel like any scenes were "filler." Every scene had a purpose and kept the story moving at a steady, comprehensible pace. It felt more like a 2.5-3 hour movie, honestly, which is a feat since pacing can often be one of a film's biggest issues ("Avengers: Endgame" also accomplished this feat with its 3-hour runtime feeling more like 2-2.5 hours but with no negative side effects of that). Breaking the movie into chapters, including an epilogue was a tad strange because it's not a very common thing, but I think it helped break up the epic 4 hours into separate, manageable but still cohesive pieces. Also, they helped easily transition from one portion to the next smoothly without any awkward cuts.

The Flash/Barry Allen/Ezra Miller

Barry still amused me in the Whedon Cut. He brought some good-natured humor and charm to the movie, preventing it from being too brooding and intense.

I think Ezra is a talented actor and does well in the Barry Allen role but he is, unfortunately, a problematic person. I mean, if he gets recast, he gets recast but hopefully, they pick someone else who has some acting abilities worth noting (i.e. Not a Ben Affleck type of actor)

The Final Battle

It was a huge improvement over the 2017 cut, as everyone was key to winning the final battle, not just Superman. It is meant to be a team of costumed heroes defeating a villain, not just one OP member of the team outdoing everyone else.

That being said, I felt that the final battle was a little bit anti-climatic. I don't know what it was but I just thought that it would be longer? I expected more to happen? More fighting? Not sure how to describe it, but I do feel like it wasn't as impressive as it could have been.

The Epilogue

A dystopian future involving an evil Superman and Joker somehow working WITH Batman was just...crazy. I mean, evil Superman, I can believe, but Joker and Batman working together (even reluctantly) is quite a sight.

Based on what I've been reading, this nightmare Bruce has could be setting up not one but two sequels for "Justice League." I would like to see how things will play out even if things get kind of dark. I'm getting the impression that Darkseid will kill Lois Lane, thus breaking Superman emotionally and making him compliant. That is unless Bruce intervenes in this timeline and prevents that from happening...but at the expense of his own life. Oh dear...

I definitely enjoyed the Zack Snyder version of "Justice League," and would definitely watch it again and again and again. I already have forgotten the majority of the Whedon Cut, and after seeing Synder's version, I think the 2017 movie will be rendered null and void. I hope it is just expelled from the DCEU canon entirely. That, and we get the "Justice League" sequels, preferably from Zack Snyder (Say what you want but I think he is a pretty good director for the most part and seems to really care about this work).

I honestly want to see a fight between the Justice League and Darkseid because I think that's what we're trying to build up to, and seeing as how Darkseid is one of the legendary villains in the DC comics, I would be extremely disappointed if this doesn't come to pass.

Also, as much as I like Batman/Bruce Wayne, seeing him sacrifice himself to save the team, including Lois and thus Superman's sanity, would be something else. It would bring everyone even closer together, for one, and I think that the negativity shared between Batman and Superman in the past would be completely forgiven. I'm not saying there isn't forgiveness now, but dying to save Superman's wife would change everything....if that makes sense? Does it make sense? I'm terrible at explaining my thoughts sometimes.

[thinkingisadangerouspastime]

What your opinion on the Agni Kai was better then aang’s fight with ozai

I want to first say that “better” is a completely subjective statement. Both the final Agni Kai and Aang’s battle with Ozai have huge importance thematically, but are also demonstrative of different aspects of A:tLA, so comparing them in an attempt to determine the “better” battle is really an injustice to the show imo. That said, the final Agni Kai is certainly the more popular of the two big battles, and honestly I can break down its popularity into three main points. People tend to favor the final Agni Kai because:

They see the final Agni Kai as the reason Z.utara should have been canon (no, this is not the same as seeing the battle as crucial to Z.utara’s development; I mean they full-on think that the final Agni Kai matters largely if not entirely because of the brief ‘Z.utara’ moment.)

They recognize the significance of the Agni Kai being framed as a tragedy (specifically regarding Azula).

Their lack of understanding regarding Aang’s arc (or, to be kinder, their personal disinterest in Aang) prevents them from fully appreciating his battle with Ozai.

There are a few other reasons the final Agni Kai tends to be favored (e.g. it’s a much faster-paced battle action-wise; Aang’s battle with Ozai is over twice as long and because of how the show was structured is broken up into several sections and thus feels even longer), but I think those are the main three. So let’s take them one at a time!

First, I have to start with the obvious:

People favor the final Agni Kai because they interpret it as their holy grail of why Z.utara should have been canon.

Firstly, I am not getting into the K@taang vs Z.utara ship wars. I don’t have the time or the energy lmao. But there is a huge difference between shipping Z.utara based on the content provided in the show (because y’all know I love me some Zut@raang) compared to somehow thinking that Zuko and Katara were both ready to be and should have gotten together at the end of the series. In short, Z.utara would not have worked in canon based on where the series stood by the finale, and that’s okay! That fact does not negate the appeal of Z.utara nor does it mean Z.utara shippers should not be allowed to interpret the final Agni Kai as involving Z.utara content (they absolutely can and should! we love to see that!). But the final Agni Kai was not some secret sign that Z.utara was meant to be canon, and people who interpret it as such are sorely missing the point of the battle.

Here are a few metas discussing the final Agni Kai in regards to Z.utara’s importance within canon A:tLA, if you’d like to read some analysis going more in-depth than I intend to. My thoughts regarding Z.utara and the final Agni Kai are pretty simple:

Zuko catching/attempting to redirect the lightning aimed at Katara was not because he was in love with her. For him to sacrifice himself because he was “in love with her” would entirely undermine his redemption arc, which is learning to earn forgiveness and accept unconditional love from his family (both Iroh and the Gaang), not because of romantic interest. (Again, this does not mean someone shouldn’t ship Z.utara; if that’s what you’re taking away from this post, then you might as well stop reading, because I assure you that’s not even close to the point here.)

Katara is set up as Azula’s primary foil (e.g. by and large her relationship in canon with Zuko is aimed as a surrogate sibling); her saving Zuko parallels Azula’s attempts on his life (though her most important moment as Azula’s foil is arguably bringing Aang back to life after Azula kills him, but that’s a subject for another time lol), and Zuko catching the lightning for Katara demonstrates him saving the sister he can save versus Azula, the sister he cannot save (hence her breakdown at the end of the battle while Katara walks away largely unharmed; Zuko’s decision is also a direct parallel to him siding with Azula in “Crossroads of Destiny”, having first chosen the sister who harms him over Katara, the sister who ultimately heals him).

The significance of Zuko catching/attempting to redirect the lightning aimed at Katara is not because it was Katara he was saving; the viewer sees Zuko’s decision and recognizes that he would have done so for anyone. Anyone in the Gaang, plus Mai and Iroh, and possibly even Ty Lee (hell, he’d probably have taken the bolt for Appa and Momo). Zuko’s redemption arc is sealed by his selflessness, his willingness to sacrifice himself for the sake of someone else. While the moment is especially powerful because of Katara’s position as a foil to Azula, it is not the Z.utara holy grail I’ve seen it portrayed to be.

To be honest, the interpretation of the Agni Kai as some big Z.utara moment is both superficial and a massive disservice to Azula and the completion of her arc, which is the focal point of most if not all of the battle, and also entirely undermines the power of Zuko’s redemption (as I discussed). So moving on to the next point!

People favor the final Agni Kai because they recognize its importance to Azula and how the key element of the battle’s emotional weight is its framing as a tragic, heartbreaking moment.

I rewatched both the final Agni Kai and Aang’s battle with Ozai before I wrote this, and I had to try so hard to not cry at the end when Azula breaks down, sobbing openly for the first time in the entire series. It is a powerful, devastating moment, and it is so heartbreaking because of how fitting it is for her. Does she deserve redemption? Absolutely. But in the context of the series and how A:tLA played out, rock bottom is where Azula needs to be, and the audience recognizing that fact is what makes the scene so painful to watch (and also why you can’t take your eyes off the screen). For me, the power of the Agni Kai never came from Zuko’s sacrifice (although I understand why that part resonates with some people more); instead, it was always about Azula’s downfall, her descent, the straw the broke the camel’s back - whatever you want to call it. I’ll try to keep the essence of my feelings towards Azula and the Agni Kai and why this battle is preferred short:

Azula is a much more established antagonist than Ozai. We know from the beginning the Fire Lord is the big bad, but his presence in the show is relegated largely to flashbacks and to the second half of the final season. Azula is introduced in Book Two (technically she appears twice, I believe, in Book One, but she has no lines so I’m not counting those moments lol) and becomes the key antagonist throughout the final two books. The viewers admire her intelligence and strategic capabilities, appreciate her wit and ability to turn a person’s words around on them, and even feel sympathy and pity for her when her difficult relationship with her mother is revealed (in “The Beach”) and when Ozai’s conditional love is demonstrated to apply to her, too (“Sozin’s Comet Part 1: The Phoenix King”). Thus, the final Agni Kai has multitudes more emotional potency in terms of the antagonist, as Azula is more pitiable and developed than Ozai, so it’s understandable that feeling a greater connection to Azula might result in someone preferring the final Agni Kai over Aang’s battle with Ozai. (That said, I will be discussing more about the significance of Ozai as a character later.)

The tone of the Agni Kai is that of tragedy (verus the more action/intense battle of Aang vs Ozai). While the debate of drama vs action is largely related to personal preference, I think it’s worth noting that no other battle in A:tLA (that I can think of) has the slow, drawn-out, orchestral music that is present in the final Agni Kai. The viewers realize this battle may be about power on the surface, but in reality it is a painful, devastating moment about a family irreparably torn apart (at least in terms of the series run). For me, that has always been the captivating factor of the Agni Kai. The viewers mourn for Azula, who has lost herself. Yes, she did so partially in her quest for power, but more importantly in her search for love, as she did not have a support system in her life like her brother (Zuko always had Iroh), and the audience grieves for her. Her mother both feared her and was disgusted by her; her father loved no one (including her) and only valued her for what she could provide to him; she hurt her brother and her best friends to the point where they were forced to turn away from her; and her uncle, as far as what is shown, never extended a hand to her. Azula is a victim of abuse (though this does not excuse any of her actions; in fact, her role in A:tLA as a victim who was abandoned and lashes out before breaking down on the inside is just as important as Zuko’s role as a victim who was given support and was able to heal). Thus, to me, the power of the final Agni Kai is all from the tragic tone (hence why Azula’s heartbreaking end brings me close to tears every time).

Bonus: The way Katara takes out Azula is incredibly clever and badass. (I don’t think I need to expand this one. We all love narrative foils!)

For some people, they prefer the final Agni Kai because of the emotional weight of the conclusion of Azula’s arc; that weight combined with the conclusion of Zuko’s redemption, in my opinion, are pretty valid reasons to deem the final Agni Kai their favorite battle of the series. That said, there is one other important factor to consider in the question of the final Agni Kai vs Aang’s battle with Ozai:

People prefer the final Agni Kai because they blatantly misunderstand and/or misinterpret Aang’s arc of reconciling his being both the Avatar and the last airbender, thus preventing them from fully understanding and appreciating the weight of his battle with Ozai.

This point is more complex than the two I discussed previously, so I’m going to break this one down further to help simplify it. Let’s start with the most obvious thing:

“The lion turtle and energybending were cop-outs!”

I cringe whenever I see this; imagine admitting to the entire fandom how blind you were to the extensive foreshadowing about the lion turtle and energybending. Downright embarrassing. There are so many metas out there explaining how the lion turtle and energybending were not cop-outs and how A:tLA did foreshadow their influence (some people need to admit they just didn’t watch the show tbh). I’ll try to provide a quick summary:

Chiblocking demonstrated how chi/energy and bending were intrinsically linked from Day. One. Moreover, it did so numerous times; trying to claim that blatant foreshadowing is not there is… well, kind of embarrassing.

The lion turtle was foreshadowed in “The Library” (and moreover the lion turtle only appeared after Aang called out to the Spirit World; his meditation was an appropriate attempt to seek help from those wiser than him to resolve his dilemma, and thus his plea was answered).

If you’re gonna argue the lion turtle/energybending were convenient cop-outs, you better also critique how Suki conveniently was at the Boiling Rock/the ferry, Pakku conveniently had been arranged to marry Katara’s grandmother, Toph conveniently inventing metalbending, every other time a spirit showed up conveniently, etc. etc. etc. Don’t cherry-pick, hypocrites.

The lion turtle/energybending were not necessarily predictable, no, but they also were not meant to be. You’re not supposed to guess every detail of every finale of every show. So yes, the lion turtle/energybending were foreshadowed, and this foreshadowing done so in a way where after they were revealed it was intended to be an “oh my god, how did I not see that connection before?!” moment. (At least, so it was for me.)

Dismissing the lion turtle and energybending as a cop-out is an age-old, boring misinterpretation of Aang’s battle with Ozai, and by and large I think most of the fandom is tired of hearing it. Thus, if people don’t understand the lion turtle/energybending and their roles in the A:tLA finale, then they’re less likely to appreciate Aang’s battle with Ozai and therefore would prefer the final Agni Kai. Next common argument:

“Aang was able to re-enter the Avatar state because of a rock? Really? Another cop-out!”

Again, if you’re gonna criticize the rock, at least criticize every other plot device used in A:tLA. I mean come on. Some people will really just cherry-pick instances solely with Aang. How very convenient for them, huh?

But the fact of the matter is that the pointy rock is actually pretty important! No, it didn’t necessarily have to be a rock that allowed Aang to enter the Avatar state again, but it was necessary that the Avatar state was unblocked for him by a physical trigger. The Avatar state was removed from Aang by Azula’s lightning striking him (after he’d done the spiritual work to control it, too!), which is a physical block, thus requiring something to physically unblock it. By the end of Book Two, Aang is able to enter the Avatar state of his own accord (he successfully unlocked his chakras, after all) and had Azula not struck him in the back and killed him, he presumably would have been able to do so throughout Book Three. Did that physical item have to be a rock? Again, not necessarily, lmao, but where he and Ozai were fighting, well, there certainly were a lot of rocks, so it’s not like it didn’t make sense. (There’s a meta here that touches a bit on the necessity of the Aang needing the Avatar state physically unblocked, too.)

“Ozai was a stereotypical, boring villain! He was barely given any screen time!”

This isn’t entirely untrue. Everything viewers are told about Ozai is from other characters in the narrative; mostly Zuko, but also Azula and I’d argue Iroh, too. Ozai certainly was the big bad of the series, and little is provided regarding his personality beyond being power-hungry, racist, xenophobic, and abusive. But… that’s kind of the point. Ozai is written to have zero redeemable qualities. There is supposed to be zero sympathy for him. Hell, there’s arguably even zero reason for him to live on (which actually makes Aang’s decision to spare his life all the more powerful, but that’s for later). There’s one line in particular that really defines Ozai’s character to me:

“You’re [Aang is] weak, just like the rest of your people [the Air Nomads]! They did not deserve to exist in this world… in my [Ozai’s] world!”

Ozai is the epitome of fascism, imperialism, and a superiority complex if there ever was one in a cartoon. His words remind the audience that maybe he didn’t initiate the Air Nomad Genocide, but he continues to seek the same goal - obliteration of anyone he deems inferior (which is, well, every nation except his own). Aang’s battle with Ozai is literally a fight against fascism, and that’s a hell of a powerful metaphor. So while I understand leaning towards the Agni Kai in terms of familiarity with the antagonist (aka Azula), I do think some people gloss over Ozai too quickly. Yes, everyone knows that Ozai is a genocidal dictator, but I don’t think the implication of that position - especially what it means to Aang - really sinks in for everyone.

And now for the big one:

“Aang should have killed Ozai!”

If you are reading this and for some godforsaken reason think Aang should have killed Ozai, I beg of you: read these metas and analyses about Aang and his arc explaining exactly why that’s the wrong take. This point has been argued a million times over and the fact of the matter is that Aang choosing to spare Ozai’s life and thus uphold his beliefs as an Air Nomad is the ultimate triumph (a direct parallel to the Air Nomads being forced to fight back against the firebenders during Sozin’s attack and were thus not able to uphold their beliefs - the ultimate sacrifice). Furthermore, Aang choosing to spare Ozai’s life but take his bending is arguably a fate worse than death for Ozai. Ozai now lacks all of his power/prestige, will be forced to watch the son he despises rebuild his country, and any lingering supporters he may have can’t argue “oh well the Avatar had no reason to kill him!” because Aang didn’t kill him. He chose mercy. He proved himself better and stronger than Ozai could ever hope to be.

Furthermore, Aang staying true to his beliefs as an airbender is central to his character. The core belief of the Air Nomads was that all life was sacred (such was why they were all vegetarians). If he had killed Ozai, if he had been forced to betray his spiritual beliefs, then he would have completed the genocide of the Air Nomads that Sozin started a hundred years ago. Ozai’s death at Aang’s hands = the death of the airbenders’ culture. Full stop. How could he be expected to bring balance to the four nations if only three remained? Maybe this is just me, but the message of Aang being an airbender (the last airbender) and finding another way (e.g. energybending) to defeat Ozai in order to uphold the beliefs of his people is a much more powerful message than him having to kill Ozai (especially because no one else understood how important Aang’s spirituality was to him [not even the Gaang!]; Aang did what was right, even when the world insisted he was wrong).

(Sidenote: The previous Avatars did not tell Aang to kill Ozai. That’s right - not even Kyoshi. I believe she gave him this advice: “Only justice will bring peace.” Great news! Aang did exactly that. Why are some people still so pressed about it??)

Furthermore, if someone calls Aang’s beliefs and his decision not to kill Ozai childish (we’ve all seen those posts), I’m giving you permission to deck them, because so much of the roots of the Air Nomads’ spirituality is rooted in Buddhism, and like,, we know westerners struggle to comprehend any narrative that isn’t our own, but the dismissal of Aang’s beliefs without making the connection that they’re also dismissing the beliefs of many, many real people? Yeah, please sock those assholes in the jaw. Give them the finger. Glare at them. Whatever works for you. Those are the people with the most superficial opinions on A:tLA, and to be honest, it really shows. Please: make an effort to understand the eastern narratives at work within A:tLA. If you don’t, there are so many things you will miss out on, and you’ll also just look like a prick.

For me, Aang’s battle with Ozai is so powerful (and my favorite) because of the ending and its importance to Aang:

“I’m not gonna end it like this.”

Aang chooses mercy by taking Ozai’s bending instead of killing him.

Aang chooses to uphold the beliefs of his people and guarantee the Air Nomads live on in him.

Aang proves his soul is unbendable.

Aang enters and controls the Avatar of his own accord (not induced by trauma or a spirit).

Aang reconciles his being the Avatar with being the last airbender.

Aang is finally at peace with himself and the world around him.

In short, if a person doesn’t understand Aang and his character, then the significance of his final battle with Ozai will largely be lost, and thus it makes sense that they would gravitate more to the Agni Kai (which is arguably a less nuanced battle, as Azula’s position as a victim of abuse and Zuko’s tale of redemption are not exclusive to either western or eastern narratives, while Aang’s arc is largely more eastern in nature and thus something less familiar to western audiences).

I have no doubt that my personal bias influences my admiration of the final battle with Ozai, as Aang is my favorite character and his narrative is easily the most powerful to me (he is the sole survivor of genocide who still chooses to seek kindness in life instead of revenge), but regardless I’d argue the sheer thematic weight of Aang’s battle with Ozai outweighs that of the Agni Kai any day (although, to be fair, they are presenting different subjects, so take my feelings there with a grain of salt).

The Agni Kai is a tragedy. It is devastating. It makes you cry. Aang’s battle with Ozai is a triumph. It is hope. It makes you take a deep breath and look to tomorrow with a brave smile. And that is why it is the battle that concludes the series.

TL;DR - Both are fantastic battles in their own merit, but Aang’s battle with Ozai is underappreciated because of the fandom’s incomplete grasp on Aang’s arc and character while the final Agni Kai is often appreciated/hyped up for the wrong (*cough* shipping *cough*) reasons.

[pebblysand]

[the thoughts on canon-compliance you did not ask for.]

last night between 2 and 3 in the morning (look, i couldn’t sleep, got up to write, then got caught up, okay? don’t judge me for my terrible sleeping patterns please) i had a super interesting discussion with a few people on the hinny discord channel about the definition of canon-compliant-ness. i think this is fascinating because to be honest, before getting into the hp fandom, i didn’t even think this was something one could disagree about. to me there was what was canon, and what wasn’t. a very black-and-white sort of system. i’m finding that it’s not.

through the discussions that i’ve had both on my fics and other people’s fics, it seems that i can narrow down - in the hp fandom - three elements of canon.

i. the events of the books/films

now, as a general disclaimer, you can obviously argue about whether the films are ‘canon.’ you can also argue whether cursed child is canon. there’s a lot of elements which differ between those and lots of opinions about how to look at them. personally, i tend to ignore cursed child. as to the books v. films, i pick and choose what suits my story more. generally, that’ll be the books. but for instance, i’m writing a harry&hermione friendship one shot right now, and there are a lot of movie-isms in that story because that is an aspect that was more explored in the films. however, for the purposes of this post, i’m mainly considering the source material to be the seven books. nothing more or less.

having said that, to me personally, that’s what ‘canon’ is: the events of the story and the characters that gravitate around those events, as described in the source material. things like: tom riddle killing lily and james, or harry, ron and hermione rescuing the philosopher’s stone. anything departing from that is, de facto, an ‘au.’ the whole world of what-if scenarios: what if Harry was sorted into slytherin, what if dudley was a wizard, all of those, to me, are aus.

generally, both as a reader and a writer, those are not scenarios i’m particularly drawn to. my default answer to those what-if scenarios is: ‘well, if harry is sorted into slytherin, there’s no story.’ or at the very least, there’s no story as i know it, and if there’s no story as i know it, then i’d rather read/write original fiction. it’s obviously a very personal preference and there are exceptions to this preference. i loved the changeling [1] for instance, and love the self-aware style of dirgewithoutmusic’s aus [2]. but as a general rule, that is not my preferred genre.

now, aside from the what-if scenarios, there’s also the question of filling in the gaps of the story itself. like, i find it interesting that we only make tsunamis [3] is labelled as ‘canon-compliant’ because i get the feeling that a lot of people would disagree that a fic in which hermione is harry’s first kiss is canon compliant. but, by exploiting the silence sometimes left by the author and turning it to your advantage, are you writing an au? is a negative space canon? is silence canon?

again, as a matter of personal opinion, i would not push my definition of canon-compliance as including blank spaces. to me, as long as it does not contradict the letter of the text, adding in events to the books to suit your story (i’ll address character in point ii) does not make your fic an au. to give another example that was brought up to me regarding my own work, i don’t believe that the events described in chapter nine of castles [4] are au because they exist in a blank space of the books. the fact that harry didn’t notice the 1:1s between ginny and amycus doesn’t mean they didn’t happen, it just means that they’re not in the positive space described by the books.

ii. the characters/characterisation

(as a quick vocab note, please note that below, i’m using the terms ��ooc’ to mean that the characterisation of a character in a fic is not canon-compliant. they’re synonyms to me.)

now, while the above was pretty straight forward, i believe that this is where i perhaps differ from the masses in my interpretation of what “canon-compliance” means. more i discuss with people, the more i realise that i don’t really think there’s a real ‘canon’ characterisation. or at least not in the big things. like, yeah, it’s canon that harry likes treacle tart, because that’s a fact. but anything that is down to psychology or perspective of the character is, to me, generally up for grabs.

as a human, i believe that there’s things that people do, events that they go through, that condition them to act a certain way. while there is a core to every human being, i personally believe that in life, anyone would basically be capable of doing anything, given the right circumstances. i’ve recently - rightfully - been told my writing is all about the power of choice in our life, the reasons why we make those choices and the people those choices lead us to be. for example, do i think i might murder someone tomorrow? probably not. do i think i might be capable of murdering someone in wartime? perhaps? i don’t know, that’s not the world i live in and my life choices have not lead me to find out the answer to that. however, my point is: to me, good ‘characterisation’ is down to the circumstances and choices outlined in any work of fiction. hence, good characterisation is essentially, to me, equal to good writing.

i often say that good writing could make me believe anything and i mean it. i don’t tend to gravitate towards these fics because these ships are not my personal taste but i genuinely believe that good writing could make me believe in drarry or rarry if it tried. it’s funny because over the course of the discussion yesterday on discord, this was brought up ‘well, no one tags drarry as canon compliant,’ and i’m kind of like, i don’t know whether or not they do because i don’t read it but if they did and none of it contradicted the events as detailed in the books, perhaps it could be? like, that would take really good writing (imo), but good writing has - on occasion - made me believe in dramione a couple of times, so why not? in ‘til the sirens come calling [5], good writing made me 100% believe that harry and hermione would have an affair together. in we only make tsunamis [3], it makes me believe that they had this quiet little relationship building throughout hogwarts that we never knew about.

now, though, i suppose the question isn’t: do i believe it? the question is: is it canon? and, i think that’s where i differ from most people because to me, it is. to take ‘til the sirens come calling [5] as an example, i believe the fic is an au because hermione marries victor krum in the end. that’s going against the hard fact presented by the epilogue, and thus makes it an au. but i don’t believe the concept of a harmony affair is inherently au, because nothing is inherently au, character-wise. it’s about how you write it. how those people get to that place. that’s what makes canon-compliantness, in my opinion.

for example, for that fic, truth be told, we don’t know what those nineteen years include per canon, so they could very much include an h/hr affair. and whilst i don’t believe that the characters as they are in the books would have an affair together, i believe that the characters as they are presented in the fic, with the events and hardships that they go through, definitely would. good writing, to me, is - in part - recognising that characters are moving on a spectrum and that whilst their decisions/actions might not make sense in book-verse, they make sense in fic-verse. good writing is convincingly moving your characters from book-verse to fic-verse, and it not feeling ‘off.’

if it does feel off, that is bad writing to me, and that is also ooc-ness/non-canon compliant. it means that for whatever reason, the writer has not successfully transitioned and explained said transition through the events outlined in the story. with the right prose, you could make me believe draco decided to take on a career as a ballerina dancer after the war, and it would still be ‘canon-compliant’ to me. on the other hand, i have read fics (i won’t name them because that would be shit and also i don’t keep track of my ‘bad’ reads) where harry, ginny, hermione, or ron all act according to book canon and yet, their motivations felt off to me and completely ooc because the writing didn’t successfully lure me in. specifically, there was a lack of character evolution that i found uninteresting. i read mostly post-war stuff because i want to see my characters grow up [6].

as a last, additional note on characters, i also think that the characters in a story only exist within the prism of how we view them. this means that to me, locking my own understanding of a character's personality as 'canon' is particularly difficult because my understanding of a character is unique. i believe there are as many harry-s or ginny-s or hermione-s as there are readers. so i think saying someone's interpretation of a character isn't canon-compliant is odd because i don't actually believe there's any wrong or right answer. as i said, do i believe it likely that draco would become a professional ballerina? no. but if that works within your understanding of his character as described in the books, who am i to say that is or isn't canon compliant? i'll admit, the idea makes me sort of lol though.

iii. tone

lastly, i’ve come to find (in potter particularly) that canon-compliance might include tone. as in: hp is a story that is a) written in a certain style and b) written for children/young adults.

regarding style at a), this is honestly the main reason why it took me 15 years to write potter fic, despite the fact that i’ve been a fan for even longer than that. i genuinely thought you had to write like jkr. and i, well, don’t write like jkr. i love the books, but i don’t even particularly like her style. i like: camus, and sorj chalandon, and sally rooney, and dirgewithoutmusic and copper_dust [7]. i have zero ambition to write like jkr and don’t particularly want to read stuff that is written like her stuff either. it’s a style that imo works for her, but it doesn’t work for me as written by other people. i don’t particularly think you need to stick to her style to be canon-compliant.

which brings me onto my actual point: b) hp is a story written for children. young adults perhaps, for the later books. it sometimes explores dark themes but the writing style, the tone, etc. is lighthearted enough that it appeals to a younger audience. there’s snogging but there’s no sex, there’s violence but the torture is mostly off-screen, etc. issues like sexual assault, substance abuse, etc. aren’t explicitely brought up in the books, although they would one hundred percent fit in a book about a war that wasn’t necessarily aimed at children. the question is whether this setting and tone is part of what we call ‘canon-compliance.’

honestly, i don’t know. i didn’t think so until it was brought up to me that castles might be a dark!au and i was like: maybe? like, if you want it to be? i know what i like to read in fanfic: i love the exploration of serious themes that were not explored in the books, or explored differently due to the fact that they were written for children. one thing i will say and insist on is that i don’t think castles is all dark. i actually make a point of having lighthearted moments in each and every chapter, even just a notch, because i am attached to the fact that life as a concept is a mixture of good and bad, and you could laugh at the funeral of someone you loved, again in the right circumstances. but yeah, to me the post-war world is dark. so if tone is part of canon-compliance, then yeah in that way castles (as well as most of the stuff i read, to be honest), is a dark!au.

as a last side note, i’m not sure what that means for my other, lighter stuff though. like are the wolf’s just a puppy [8] or slipped [9] more canon-compliant than castles? i never thought about it in those terms but perhaps? it really opens up a world of questions in my mind and i don’t really have the answers to them.

conclusion:

so in sum, as a reader, what i mean as ‘canon compliant’ is basically a) the events as described in the source material and b) the characterisation of characters as they are at the start of the fic. if character evolution is sufficiently justified and well-written in the following thousands of words that the fic has, then said characterisation can still be canon-compliant, even if the characters act different than they would have in the source material itself. i’m a fan of good writing and good writing can make me buy into literally anything. it takes me places that i've never been before and convinces me that those places are the ones i should be in.

as a writer, i hope that regardless of 'compliance,' whatever i write at least makes ‘sense’ to people within the universe, even if they don’t consider it canon-compliant, per se. i feel like i can’t really be the judge of that. from the discussions we had last night, i feel like there are as many versions of what is and isn't canon-compliant as there are people.

.

.

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[1] the changeling by annerb

[2] the boy with a scar series by dirgewithoutmusic

[3] we only make tsunamis by disOrdely

[4] castles by yours truly

[5] ‘til the sirens come calling by vexmybones

[6] as a side note and to take my own stuff as an another example, i totally agree that harry in castles isn’t harry in the books. i don’t think there’s much debate to be had in that assertion. i wrote him like this frankly because every other fic i’d read didn’t. they often had him sort of continue to be perfectly himself after the war, which i felt wasn’t speaking to me on a deeper level. imo, i think the war’s done a lot of scarring and the fic is about him growing into a new version of himself. so, to me, if i get a comment that says ‘i don’t think harry would act this way but i really love your writing’ it’s somewhat flattering but also confusing because i don’t really understand how one can enjoy the writing but not the characterisation. to me, they’re so intrinsically linked. what the comment tells me is: i think you did a very poor job at explaining character evolution and justifying character x’s [harry’s] choices but i still like your writing, somehow? i suppose that’s nice, but it doesn’t particularly compute in my brain. like, if the character feels off, it means the writing feels off and thus, why are you still reading? i appreciate all and every comment that i get but it doesn’t mean they always make sense in my own brain. if i’m honest, these comments often send me into an ocean of self-doubt about how shit my writing must be.

[7] copper_dust’s work and profile.

[8] the wolf’s just a puppy (and the door’s double locked), again by yours truly

[9] slipped (and said something sort of like your name), same.

[nightswithkookmin]

Hi I just want to ask something. Do you think Jungkook has been always like/love Jimin the way he is before or just when he started to glow up. I'm just asking this bc you know Jungkook has been always rank Jimin last on looks or said he look different without makeup before. I know he didn't meant harm to Jimin but do you think Jimin has been trying to look good and go on extreme diet to be loved by Jungkook or Jungkook has been always trying to hide his feelings for him but act tough

Huh?...

What an interesting question....

For a moment there I thought I had already discussed this in my blog posts? Chileee.

Now you'd have to specify which period in time you consider a glow up point for Jimin. Do you mean the period of 2014/15 when he was starving himself, passing out on stage and bleeding through his nose to stay anorexic? *Side eyeing you.

To me, Jimin's 'glow up' coincided with their debut in 2013. Those fine abs, sculpted muscles yet soft toned feminized features- sorry Jimin, you weren't fooling no one.

This was also the period I noticed JK showing overt signs of sexual and emotional attraction towards Jimin. Jimin just seemed oblivious to it. And he would begin his own whipped journey around 2015/16 in my opinion.

Personally, I believe JK fell first for Jimin and 'turned' him- turned for lack of a better word. I don't buy into this whole Jimin fell first JK fell harder rhetoric.

But I think JK's interest in Jimin began long before this period. I don't think Jk had fully grasped the concept of his own sexuality much less to have come to terms with it in any time before 2012- before Jimin arrived in Bangtan- ok maybe he had a vague idea of it, but I do believe Jimin was his sexual and romantic awakening.

Jk and Jimin have two very distinct and opposite idol personas. I keep saying this.

Since we don't know them in person, I think it's safe to assume every aspect of them we experience on screen is a persona.

That persona is a facade, a curated wall on which they project bits and pieces of their true self and often put up a performance of this identity for our consumption.

In Jk's persona, he likes to retract and conceal aspects of his true personality and censor himself a lot while JM likes to amplify and exaggerate his true personality and put up a performance of it.

As I've said, it's mainly due to their backgrounds. JK was given a lot of leeway in his upbringing which he feels puts him at a disadvantage because he ends up exposing himself too much. Thus he likes to retract and hold himself back.

Jimin coming from a conservative background with many rules and what not revels in the new found freedom Idol life gives him so often he doesn't hold back as much as JK does. But that doesn't mean that who they really are in real life.

So often you'd hear people say Jimin looks more serious in person than he does on camera while JK is said to be more expressive than he usually is on camera.

But here is the thing, concealing his feelings is not JK's nature it's his choice. And this is very important to note. He chooses not to do certain things on camera while Jimin chooses to do certain things on camera.

So when JK is not showing his feelings for Jimin it's not because he can't show those feelings, it's more like he doesn't want to show those feelings.

Thus when people say he wasn't showing his feelings for Jimin because he was shy I raise my brows- Shy my ass. Lol

Was he acting tough then? Hmmmm. He likes to act tough no two ways about that. I've said he has a good poker face between him and Jimin. If you are not careful you might think he doesn't like Jimin. But trust me, that man is whipped on god.

But I don't think that's what he was doing in those early dynamics.

I think he was hesitant in pursuing Jimin openly at the time because he wasn't sure about Jimin's sexual orientation much less whether or not Jimin reciprocated the feelings he had for him.

And you could tell not knowing these about Jimin terrified JK a lot, hence his hesitation.

But later when he was certain of both he became more confident in the way he expressed himself and his feelings for Jimin.

Prior to this you could see him fishing and testing the waters with Jimin, slowly pushing Jimin's boundaries- a gentle touch here, a lingering stare there.

He would often pay attention to the things Jimin would say but especially about his romantic and sexual preferences. Like when Tae said he felt Jimin liked men and when Jimin was asked about why he liked JK and JK seemed like he wanted to know.

Then he went through that phase where he seemed obsessed with Jimin's reaction to when other guys sexualised him and expressed interest in him. He seemed very attentive to these little details in a way that seemed to me as if he was fishing for confirmation that Jimin actually liked men and liked him- in a nonplatonic manner.

I feel Jimin noticed these things too in JK but was mostly fascinated by it. So often he would go out of his way to express his sexuality, exaggerate it and perform it as if to let JK know he was ok with JK liking him in that kind of way. Often, you'd see him egging JK on to touch him where JK seemed hesitant, reassuring JK- I think y'all know the bit I'm talking about. I feel JM wanted JK to feel comfortable expressing his interest in him- he ain't slick.

I've said Jimin's persona is a performance. I can see how to JK that could be very confusing. Hell, half of the fandom still read Jimin wrong to this day. Is he gay, bi, straight, a woman, a man, bigender- it's a lot of questions. Legitimate questions.

And I think for JK, seeing Jimin behave like the rest of BTS with the skinship towards him was equally confusing. So often he would shy away from it. Jk was going through puberty, everything was heightened for him.

It's also important to consider the possibility that, if JK was LGBTQ plus that he was going to hide it and not come out to his bandmates for as long as he worked with them- because it's none of their business first and foremost but also because it would have affected their attitudes towards him.

I mean look at the fear and panic with which they greet Jikook when Jikook breath anywhere near eachother in public spaces- not to call them out or anything but I don't think if they were straight that they were going to treat them same. I mean Taejin is as wild as Jikook but.... sigh.

So then going on to catch feelings for one of such said band mates who gives off queer vibes, he had better be sure about him before coming out to him and confessing to him lest he risked his career and friendship with him.

If Jimin wasn't LGBTQ plus it would have been cruel of him to act the way he does with JK honestly. For instance Joking about marriage knowing full well the fight LGBTG plus couple have to put up to have this basic human right- of course JK would yeet himself out of that conversation. I'm talking about that Jikook Vlive and all the time JK has squeezed his face disgruntledly when Jimin has asked him to have his kids- like why Jimin!

Jimin I feel because he is Bi whatever doesn't take this gay business seriously at all. If you've ever dated a bisexual you'd know the feeling. He is my bias and I love him but God he frustrates me for Jk honestly.

What annoys me most is I know how deep he is into JK. Like I've never seen a man so in love with another man in my entire queer life! Like shut up whippidy whipped ass we saw your face at Manila. You like that man. You like him.

Let JK put up a front and you'll see this tactless homegirl descending into that space we all hate so much and embarrassing himself left right left clinging on to JK seeking validation and reassurance- like can you be serious in your life for once Park Jimin. 😒

Anywho, I went off on a tangent there. Sorry.

But yes, this is another aspect of their dynamic I feel most people get twisted. Jimin enjoys JK's expressions of interest in him- however way he does it. Jk enjoys it too when Jimin shows him he wants him. Remember magic shop? Show me, I'll show you? And that line JK sang to Jimin that made Jimin nervous on Live with VMin? Yea...

They love each other and they love when the other is showing and expressing their love. Hell, isn't that why they are constantly trying to find creative ways to communicate their love? 5/8, love letters punctuated with sorries? Chileee.

Could Jimin's look be a contributing factor to JK liking him? Let me put it this way. People are attracted to people for a plethora of reasons, physical appearance being one of them.

Looks attract people, emotional connection binds them and make them stay. I have said this time and again JK is attracted to all of Jimin-looks, everything. When asked which part of of Jimin he liked most he put all of Jimin as the answer.

With regards to JM's weight, I think the tears he shed on stage during the performance of I Need You says it all. Jimin was killing himself and it was killing JK. Jimin wasn't doing all that out of self love much less for the love of JK.

He was doing all that because he wanted to be an Idol in every sense of the word. He was killing himself for his career. A career JK was once willing to walk away from and JM advised him to stay.

Jk defies the dictates of his career with the piercings and tattoos and gay pubs- the emphasis is mine. Y'all think he is about to be demanding of his life partner to look like what now? Chileee.

And when JK was starving himself and losing weight who was it that brought him down that ledge? Jimin. If it was a positive thing I thing he would have encouraged him.

Jk allegedly called Jimin his Mochi in that infamous graduation night track video. Did you see his reaction to when James Corden called Jimin Mochi? Baby fat cheeked Jimin was cute not ugly. And even if you think he was, JK still found that attractive. Jimin could be looking like my Aunt Becky and Jk would still fuck him.

Have you seen JK freeze frame to take snapshot photos of Jimin? It's almost always pictures of Jimin looking like the wicked witch of the west. He loves him some park Jimin memes. Loves that man to death.

How many times have he said Jimin looks beautiful without makeup? Remember the Vlive Jimin didn't want to be on camera because he didn't have makeup on? What did JK say?

Jk isn't a shallow person you know. He really isn't. He doesn't strike me as the kind at all. Questions like these presupposes that JK is a vain shallow person who only likes people for their looks. Don't get me wrong, it's a valid question, one that I'm happy to discuss but it also exposes the biases against JK and indirectly, Jimin.

Do you feel JK is shallow? I find a lot of people do and it breaks my heart.

Have you heard any of his songs? His GCFs?

He barely idolizes his subject matter's looks and appearances. You gave me the best of you, so I'll give you the best of me. What I found in you is real. That's doesn't sound shallow to me.

They work in a highly competitive and highly vainglorious environment. I think they know more than anything the dangers of vanity- it's fleeting. They put themselves through so much to appease the vanity matrics, to subject people they love through the same.

I've talked about how because JM comes from a demanding home and work environment that acceptance is one key aspect of his love language. He wants a person who loves him for who he is and accepts him without placing expectations on him.

If JK was this shallow JM wouldn't honestly have found him attractive much less love him to begin with. He wouldn't have found fulfillment and nourishment from JK. He loves JK because JK's values and upbringing makes him the perfect person for him to trust himself fully to.

Besides, for JK to be only attracted to JM because he glowed up, he himself must have been a ten from the onset which he wasn't let's be honest- no shade to him but he wasn't exactly packing now was he?

BTS are pretty but they've all undergone hefty transformations throughout the years, magic foreheads and all. So if you wonder if Jimin's glow up contributes to JK liking him, then you'd have to wonder if Jk glowing up also contributed to Jimin finding him attractive- it's a vicious cycle.

As for JK ranking Jimin last... did he ever rank himself first? No. He ranked Jimin last and himself second to last consistently. If he found Jimin unattractive he certainly found himself as equally unattractive only one step above Jimin.

I honestly think he was just teasing Jimin. He loves teasing Jimin because it's how he flirts with him. It's just the masculine energy in him I guess. V does this too when he flirts with Jimin. He teases him about his pinky, his Mochi cheeks and his glow up- Iland anyone?

Why y'all think JK looked away sharp when JM dropped to the floor?? He recognized what V was doing- don't mind me. I'm trolling. Lol. But deadass.

Jimin teases JK too by acting like he is available most times. It's the feminine energy in him. Girls like to tease their crush by amplifying their sex appeal. What better way to amp up your sex appeal than by having other people show interest in you? Jimin is a tease. Bless him.

Besides, when JK ranked Jimin first in looks he ranked himself last. I hope y'all don't think it's because he has low self esteem?

He ranked himself and Jimin last because he wanted to humble himself and by extension Jimin because he sees himself as Jimin's equal and as such recognizes their place as the youngest within the group. As he has explained, as the youngest, he places everyone else above him.

I honestly don't think Jungkook had always been interested in Jimin. But somewhere along the line while he came to terms with his own sexuality he began developing feelings for Jimin. His glow up had nothing to do with it. In my opinion.

I think Jimin caught him off guard? It's that red string serendipity destiny voodoo working its magic that orchestrating their love. In my opinion.

I don't think either of Jikook went searching for this love thingy either as I keep saying. It wasn't planned, it wasn't foreseen, it just happened to both of them but at a different pace.

I hope this helps?

Signed,

GOLDY

[scintillatingshortgirl19]

Loki Episode 5 Response Pt. 2 - The Positive

On to the positive post! I really did enjoy this episode overall, so here’s the stuff I liked/loved:

Hair flip! Only one this time (I believe?), and from a distance (it's when he first stands up in the Void) but glad to see we're keeping with the pattern.

I LOVED Classic Loki and Kid Loki! I had more or less zero expectations regarding them - didn't expect to like them or dislike them - so I was pleasantly surprised to have pretty strong positive feelings for both of them! Both had emotional stories and Classic Loki's sacrifice at the end was really well done. It was interesting how even though he was dressed so ridiculously, I almost found myself forgetting about that? Or at least not really noticing, because the character was so good and the narrative never used the outfit for comedy. I also have a lot of feelings about Kid Loki and Classic Loki's dynamic, thanks to this meta.

And obviously Gator Loki is glorious and I stan him for all eternity.

I have...a lot of feels about Loki calling the other Lokis monsters. Can I articulate said feels? Not really, but just know I have a LOT of them. I also just like his face in this shot - very lost, very sad, (very good lighting), 10/10.

MOBIUS YESSSSS. Loved him showing up in the car, and - "You should be careful jumping into a stranger's car like that" - lmao he is such a DAD

I know the TVA is obviously being framed as the bad guys now, but I appreciate the continued verbal acknowledgement with what Sylvie said about annihilating realities and orphaning little girls, and Mobuis' apology to her. And also, his statement about thinking the ends justified the means - even from episode one, Mobius stuck me as someone who was brainwashed and stuck in an ends-justify-the-means mentality/echo chamber, and who would do the right thing once he got out of it (which is why I found myself liking him even at the beginning, despite some of his actions early in the series) so it was nice to have that confirmed. And this just now occurred to me, but I'm wondering if my sympathy for Mobius early on has something to do with my conservative Christian upbringing and eventual complete belief change, and maybe I relate to Mobius on some level? I wasn't part of a cult like the TVA, and it was stuff like homophobia instead of murder, but still...huh, I might have to think more on that one lol.

I'm actually feeling moderately ok with the romance - better about it than last episode, for sure. I'd still much, much rather it be platonic...but they're just so cute, is the thing. Whether in a romantic or platonic context, I'm always a sucker for the trope of two emotionally closed off characters being soft with each other. And they're both just so awkward but really sweet at the same time, and neither of them are very skilled at this friend thing but they're really trying, and it's cute. I was terrified they were going to kiss (as many of us were lol) but the story really didn't go too hard on the romance this episode - it caught me off guard in episode 4 and seemed so out of the blue and sudden, but now they’ve slowed it down and just kind of focused on the general bond between the two (with some romantic undertones as well, though I think even those could potentially be read as platonic). So yeah it still depends on how they handle a next episode, but at this point I'm pretty ok with it, and it's starting to feel slightly more earned. Do I wish all that awkwardness and cuteness was centered around being friends instead of potential romantic partners? Hell yes I do. But the two of them are still cute together regardless of whether it's romantic or platonic - and I guess it is actually centered around friendship either way, because the romance is at least starting with a friendship foundation? Even if they do go full romance with it (likely) they're at least also friends - and that's something a lot of couples lack so that's definitely refreshing. So I guess my tl;dr on the romance is: I wish Loki's heart-eyes were platonic heart-eyes but either way the heart-eyes are pretty damn adorable.

LOKI WITH A BLANKET. Listen, do you - do you know - do you have any idea - how long and how desperately I've wanted to see Loki wrapped up in a blanket? A thing I once thought would only ever be in fanfic?? Yet here it is, right before my eyes, on my very own screen???? I'll never be over it. I cannot stand how cute he is. LOOK.

Although I must say, I am with Sylvie here - Loki should up his blanket-conjuring game just a little and conjure something fluffier next time. (Also @thelightofthingshopedfor posted some good meta on it being green.)

I loved the “burn it [the TVA] to the ground” and “thanks for the spark” lines. AND THE HUG!!! Talk about things I've been wanting to see for a very, very long time. Loki tearing up was great, always love that, and just...yeah. No words, only feels. 

I liked that Loki was taking charge more in this episode and actually had a plan. While I didn't love that Sylvie ended up having the better plan, Loki definitely had more of a purpose in this episode than in the others. Besides, it was really beautiful at the end when they enchanted Alioth together (I’m proud!!), and it's possible Slyvie saying "we're the same" was meant to contradict Loki's line near the beginning about how Sylvie's different than all the other Loki's? I couldn't tell if that was intentional or not, but I think it was? 

Anyway, I loved this episode overall! In a lot of ways I liked the tone and comedic moments better, I am extremely proud of my son, and I’m excited/terrified for the final episode. 

@delyth88​ @thelightofthingshopedfor​ @iamanartichoke​

[elliewan]

I'm curious about some of your WIP names, what can you tell us about RM_Aquarium and GlK_Trava_y_doma? ALSO, do I spy a merman AU for Ace/Thermite (AT_Merman_Exploring)? 😄

Haha thank you for your interest :DDD

Sooo RM_Aquarium is in fact a several months old Rook/Montagne wip. It’s an Aquarium/Aquariologist AU based on a true story. I’m a huge fan of aquariums (tho I’m still not sure if it’s really ethical…) and I’ve seen a very interesting documentary about an aquarium, and decided to use this story as a fanfic background plot :)

The fic is 30% written, the other 70% being bullet points or rough unpunctuated paragraphs, but I needed to go back to the Trocadéro Aquarium in Paris for some parts and… long story short, Covid is still there haha. Also, I’ve a bit ended my Rook/Montagne cycle lately, so it’s not easy to find the spark again, but I’m still confident it’ll see the light some day because the base is quite sturdy and entertaining to write, perhaps it’ll be a bit different or with another ship, though it’s a very “French” story xD

What I can say for now, is that Rook is an aquariologist from Saint-Malo’s Aquarium who moves to Paris, to work at the Trocadéro Aquarium (both are real aquariums) where Montagne, and a good amount of other European operators work, such as Lion, Doc, Twitch, Jackal (he’s a jellyfish specialist haha) etc. The fic’s main themes are aquariums (lol), the city of Paris, age difference, sea life beauty and Water. It’s quite romantic/rosy haha

There’s no extract I can share because it’s either too linked to the context, or too spoilery haha

GlK_Trava_y_doma is my Glazkan Space AU that doesn’t let me write it! XD The plot is there, the research is done, structure is good. It’s inspired a lot from the Salyut-7 rescue mission and the STS-103, in a modern setting. It’s also more “serious” regarding homophobia, toxic masculinity, Russian and Soviet human spaceflight history etc. but it’s more for the background than to create angsty events. There’ll be enough stressful situations xD It’s also one of the rare fics where I think I’m happy with Fuze’s way of talking and acting. He’s not part of the cosmonaut crew, but he’s a spaceflight specialist and engineer who’ll be their capcom, and he has a unique friendship with Kapkan.

+ Trava y doma will probably remain as a title, because the song fits in many parts.

Here’s an extract from the beginning (roughly translated):

Shuhrat nodded, and remained silent for a few moments, just smoking and puffing the smoke skywards. Watching the buildings of the complex from their forbidden stairs and the people moving below. Moving equipment, crates, tourists visiting the Star City. He took one last drag and finally said:

"I have a bad feeling. I think something happened up there."

"On the ISS?” Maxim asked with a frown. "I didn't hear anything about it, and they can’t hide stuff like that even here.”

"I'm not talking about the ISS," Shuhrat replied as he crushed his cigarette and put its butt in his portable ashtray, before lighting a second one, "I'm talking about higher up."

“There’s no human spaceflight higher up.”

“That’s the thing.”

 And aaaaah this AT_Merman_Exploring XD It’s 70% written but I’m still unhappy somehow. Though it’s meant to be light-hearted Fluff and Humor, I think the tone is too light-hearted and it’s a bit weird and lacking some beats at the moment. I think I need to put a tiny bit of angst here and there to add more rhythm and spices. I also need to do more research on some disabilities that are depicted in the story, and that I’m not familiar enough with. I have found very good resources from disabled queer influencers though, so it should be ok 😊

The plot basically is: Ace is a YouTuber/streamer who lives peacefully alone in his home until ofc he finds an injured unconscious stranger on his doorstep. And now he has to live with a grumpy merman Thermite as a roommate x)

So yeah, I think that pretty much sums it up haha I hope it was enticing :’D Thank you for asking ❤️

[firespirited]

Chopstick curler from aliexpress.com/item/33044199384.html arrived, it has temperature control and is compatible with eu voltages. I've tested it once and me-proofed it = covered it with foam to protect from falls as it doesn't feel super sturdy like my curling irons which have been dropped quite a few times. It's 9mm wide, I couldn't find smaller with low temps and I need the lower temps for saran and nylons. I did 130°C 20 second curls on sarcelle's kiwi hair because I'm a bit wobbly today - it made 20mm wide curls. The built in system is made to go straight to 180°C so you have to press down multiple times and wait for it to stabilise around 120° before touching saran. It won't stay close to 100°C (boiling) as it's built to do 4 different temperatures: around 115-120, around 135, 180 and 200. Next test will be finding out if it can handle saran without accidentally going too high and melting it. will keep you posted. They do farenheit version for us voltages, they’re cheaper too. the keywords are 9mm hair iron.

readmore for longpost

So today i watched Daniel Shloss’ X and got gut punched quite a bit at the end there. Hannah Gadsby Nanette levels of oh lol then oof @.@ (Her second show Douglas is non stop hilarity from beginning to end, very quotable too. I know use “to pufferfish” quite a bit)

Sorry for the lack of reblogs, tumblr goes nope on desktop and goes yep on mobile but then “woopsie oopsie we might have to try that later uwu”. I prefer the first at least it’s honest.

Internet’s still borked, repairs promised by sunday but did a bunch of searching and the rot goes deep. The copper wiring is degrading and they “forgot” to do maintenance because there was going to be a big fiber optic infrastructure: everybody connected by 2020 project which would have made the copper cables obsolete, as far as I can tell they took the fiber project money and then stuff only happened in the big cities. Our region is particularly affected, our officials are having to harrang the company and last month they managed to get 600+ downed phone poles and their snapped cables back up in our small departement by getting the prime minister involved. I’m sure Orange will ask for more tax money when it’s actually time to put down fiber cables in 5-10 years: public interest and lots of employment and bla de bla. I wish governments did backsies, like “we’ll float your bank but it’s just a loan and we will come collect as soon as you’re safe, you can pay in installments if that works better for you but there’ll be interest, you understand of course”

Regarding the curler, something unusual but not entirely surprising happened : i put on the tight anti heat glove and about 10-20 seconds later was flooded with relief. I'm not good at recognising dull pain due to being in constant pain but apparently a tight glove makes my hands hurt a lot less. I need to shop around for the right pair, maybe try several or a combo for this autumn and winter. So that was an interesting find, bit of an eye opener.

Things would be great if they turn out to be not too much work: I treated myself to LitDH Midge looks like her hands are stained and her hair damaged but fingers crossed she’s not too badly wonked and a Violet Willow cheerleader head to replace wave1 who’s very grey toned in the face and just doesn’t spark with me. They’re just dolls. no big deal. but it would be nice to have pleasant surprises rather than unpleasant ones for a change.

Things I’d really, really like to work out just right: That cutie Jade is potentially, maybe, we’re still don’t have enough info, sis’s new dog adoptee. I'm not exactly in a state to do extra walks or training but sis needs her, she needs something, anything. She's been in a deep depression for a while. I personally think she needs a puppy to take all her attention and bond to her. But the right puppy is not easy to find, with adult dogs at least you know their temperament and Jade (8 yo griffon) is apparently very chill and sweet. I'd love for sis to also get her creative and consuming media mojo back. Right now she's so worn down but still trying to be upbeat and it’s heartbreaking because i’ve been there and it’s horrid but all you can do is be supportive and hope it passes sooner rather than later. I’d love for a clear sign that this is *the* right or wrong pet for her.