#in search of non-toxic pain relief

[helenwhiteart-blog]

Possible salicylate sensitivity through topical exposures I hadn't even thought of

This is a topic I’ve danced around but largely avoided for ages as it was almost too much to consider I might be sensitive to salicylates on top of my oxalate and gluten sensitivities (amongst others) but when you are prone to MCAS (which is often likely when you have EDS…) you have to eventually leave no stone unturned, especially when strong symptoms arise out of the blue. In my own case, I’ve…

[yaraelin23]

Why Regular Visits to a Hygieniste Dentaire Geneve Are Essential for Healthy Teeth

Introduction

When it comes to dental care, many people are seeking more natural and holistic approaches that consider the entire body. In Geneva, there are options for those looking for a dentiste holistique Geneva, as well as professionals for urgent dental needs, hygienic dental care, and specialized treatments like the appareil dentaire Herbst. This article will guide you through these services, what they entail, and why they might be the right choice for you.

Understanding Holistic Dentistry

What is a Dentiste Holistique?

A holistic dentist in Geneva emphasizes aspects beyond mere dental health. Holistic dentistry is founded on the premise that oral health is interrelated with overall wellness. Instead of merely treating symptoms, a holistic dentist will aim to uncover underlying issues that could be affecting your mouth and body. These professionals often integrate natural remedies, non-toxic materials, and alternative therapies into their practice.

Benefits of Visiting a Dentist Holistique Geneva

Non-toxic materials: Holistic dentists typically avoid using mercury in fillings and other toxic substances that can affect overall health.

Preventative care focuses on preventing problems before they arise through proper nutrition, oral care, and lifestyle changes.

Whole-body connection: Treatment options are based on the idea that oral health can impact other body parts, such as digestion or the immune system.

If you're searching for a more natural, integrated approach to dental care, a dentist holistique Geneva, might be the perfect fit.

Importance of Dental Hygiene

The Role of a Hygienist Dentaire

Oral hygiene is necessary to keep one's teeth and gums healthy. A dental hygieniste dentaire geneve is a crucial expert in preventative dental care. Professionals in this field are responsible for cleaning patients' teeth, removing plaque, and educating patients on practicing oral hygiene correctly.

What to Expect from a Hygienist Dentaire Geneve

A visit to a hygienist dentaire geneve typically includes:

Teeth cleaning: Removing plaque and tartar from the surface of your teeth to prevent cavities and gum disease.

Fluoride treatment: This can help to strengthen enamel and prevent tooth decay.

Oral health education: You will obtain guidance on optimal dental hygiene at home, encompassing appropriate brushing and flossing methodologies. You'll

Regular visits to a dental hygienist in Geneva are among the most effective methods to maintain the long-term health of your teeth and gums.

Dentiste Urgence in Geneva

What Constitutes a Dental Emergency?

Occasionally, dentiste urgence emerge that necessitate prompt intervention. For example, a sudden toothache, chipped tooth, or an abscess could be signs that you need to see a dentist immediately. Dental emergencies are situations that can't wait for a regular appointment and may require urgent intervention to alleviate pain or prevent further damage.

Finding a Dentist Urgence in Geneva

Knowing how to locate a dentist urgently in your area is essential in a dental emergency. Many dental clinics in Geneva offer emergency services and can accommodate you even after hours. Typical treatments provided by a dentist urgency include:

Pain relief: Addressing toothaches or other painful issues.

Emergency repairs: Fixing chipped or broken teeth.

Infection treatment: Managing abscesses or other oral infections.

Knowing where to go for a dental degree ensures you receive the necessary care as soon as possible, preventing further complications.

Specialized Treatment with the Appareil Dentaire Herbst

What is an Appareil Dentaire Herbst?

The appareil dentaire Herbst is an orthodontic device used to correct bite problems, specifically Class II malocclusion. This syndrome arises when the maxilla is positioned excessively anterior to the mandible. The appareil dentaire Herbst guides the lower jaw forward, helping to realign the bite over time.

Benefits of the Appareil Dentaire Herbst

Non-invasive correction: Unlike surgery, the appareil dentaire Herbst offers a non-invasive way to correct bite issues.

Improved function: Correcting malocclusion can improve chewing, speaking, and breathing.

Aesthetic benefits: It can also enhance facial symmetry and appearance.

What to Expect with the Appareil Dentaire Herbst

Wearing the appareil dentaire Herbst requires regular check-ups with your orthodontist to ensure the device works as intended. The appliance is usually worn for about 12 months, but this can vary depending on the severity of the bite problem. You may experience some discomfort during treatment, but this typically subsides as you get used to the device.

The Appareil Dentaire Herbst can be a life-changing treatment for those suffering from bite issues, improving both function and appearance without more invasive procedures.

Conclusion

Whether you're looking for a dentist holistic Geneva, a hygienist dentaire geneve, or a dentist urgent, Geneva offers a variety of dental care options tailored to your specific needs. Holistic dentistry provides a whole-body approach to oral health, while dental hygienists ensure your teeth stay clean and healthy. In dental emergencies, having access to a dentist's urgency is critical for timely intervention. Lastly, the appareil dentaire herbst offers a non-surgical solution for those with bite issues to correct malocclusion.

Taking care of your dental health is about maintaining a beautiful smile and ensuring your overall well-being. Regular visits to dental professionals, proper hygiene, and timely intervention during emergencies will help you keep your teeth and gums in the best possible condition.

[techtired]

IV Hydration Therapy: Is It the Best Cure for Hangovers?

We've all been there. The pounding headache, the queasy stomach, the overwhelming fatigue – the dreaded hangover. For centuries, people have searched for the perfect remedy to combat the aftermath of a night of overindulgence. From greasy breakfasts to the hair of the dog, everyone seems to have their go-to cure. But a new contender has entered the ring in recent years: IV hydration therapy. This trendy treatment has been making waves in cities across the country, including right here in Baltimore. But is it the miracle cure it's cracked up to be? Let's dive in and explore the world of IV therapy and its potential as a hangover remedy. The Science Behind Hangovers Before we can understand how IV hydration therapy might help, we need to know what's happening in our bodies when we're hungover. Contrary to popular belief, a hangover isn't just dehydration – although that's certainly part of it. When we drink alcohol, our bodies go through a complex series of reactions. Alcohol is a diuretic, which means it makes us urinate more frequently, leading to dehydration. It also interferes with our sleep patterns, disrupts gut bacteria, and causes inflammation. But perhaps the biggest culprit in hangover symptoms is a toxic compound called acetaldehyde. When our livers break down alcohol, acetaldehyde is produced as a byproduct. This substance is more toxic than alcohol itself and is responsible for many of the unpleasant symptoms we associate with hangovers. Our bodies eventually convert acetaldehyde into harmless acetate, but this process takes time – hence the prolonged misery of a hangover. Understanding these mechanisms is crucial when considering potential remedies. Any effective hangover cure needs to address dehydration, sleep disruption, inflammation, and the buildup of toxins in the system. What is IV Hydration Therapy? So, what exactly is IV hydration therapy? It delivers fluids, vitamins, and other nutrients directly into your bloodstream via an intravenous drip. This technique bypasses your digestive system, allowing for rapid absorption of the nutrients. The idea is that by quickly replenishing fluids and essential vitamins, you can alleviate hangover symptoms faster than you would through oral intake alone. IV therapy isn't new in the medical world – it's been used in hospitals for decades to treat dehydration, malnutrition, and other conditions. What is new is its application as an elective treatment for hangovers and other non-emergency situations. Clinics offering IV therapy have popped up in cities nationwide, often marketing themselves as quick fixes for everything from jet lag to flu symptoms. In Baltimore, several clinics offer IV hydration therapy, including some specializing in hangover relief. These treatments typically take 30-45 minutes and can be customized with different "cocktails" of vitamins and minerals, depending on your needs. The Potential Benefits of IV Therapy for Hangovers Proponents of IV therapy for hangovers argue that it offers several key benefits. First and foremost is rapid rehydration. When you're hungover, drinking water or sports drinks can help, but it takes time for your body to absorb the fluids through your digestive system. With IV therapy, hydration is almost immediate. Secondly, IV treatments can quickly replenish essential vitamins and minerals that may have been depleted by alcohol consumption. Many IV cocktails include B vitamins, crucial in metabolism and brain function, and vitamin C and other antioxidants to combat inflammation. Some IV treatments also include anti-nausea medications and pain relievers, which can provide quick relief from some of the most uncomfortable hangover symptoms. And because the nutrients are delivered directly to your bloodstream, you don't have to worry about upsetting an already queasy stomach by swallowing pills. Anecdotally, many people who've tried IV therapy for hangovers report feeling better within hours, if not minutes, of receiving treatment. They describe feeling more energized, less nauseous, and more able to face the day ahead. The Skeptics' Perspective However, not everyone is convinced that IV hydration therapy is the hangover cure we've all been waiting for. Some medical professionals argue that while IV therapy can certainly help with rehydration, its other benefits may be overstated. For one thing, there's limited scientific research specifically on IV therapy for hangovers. Most of the evidence for its effectiveness is anecdotal. Critics argue that the perceived benefits could be mainly due to the placebo effect – if you believe a treatment will work, you're more likely to feel better after receiving it. There's also the question of necessity. For most healthy individuals, oral hydration and over-the-counter pain relievers are usually sufficient to treat a hangover. Some doctors worry that the widespread use of IV therapy for non-emergency situations could lead to unnecessary medical interventions and potential complications. Finally, there's the cost to consider. IV hydration treatments can be expensive, costing upwards of $100 per session. This might seem like a steep price for hangover relief for many people. The Middle Ground: A Balanced Approach So, where does the truth lie? As with many things in medicine, the answer isn't black and white. IV hydration therapy can certainly be effective for rapidly rehydrating the body and replacing lost nutrients. It might be a worthwhile option for severe hangovers or situations where quick recovery is essential. However, it's important to remember that IV therapy is not a magic bullet. It can't undo the damage caused by excessive alcohol consumption, and it's not a substitute for responsible drinking habits. The best cure for a hangover is still prevention – drinking in moderation, staying hydrated while consuming alcohol, and getting plenty of rest. For those who do choose to try IV therapy, it's crucial to seek treatment from reputable providers. For instance, at Green Relief Health in Baltimore, licensed medical professionals carefully supervise all IV treatments. This ensures the treatment's effectiveness and the patient's safety. The Importance of Professional Administration If you're considering IV hydration therapy for hangover relief or any other reason, it's essential to choose a reputable provider. While generally safe when administered correctly, IV therapy carries some risks. These can include infection at the injection site, vein irritation, and, in rare cases, more severe complications. That's why seeking treatment from licensed medical professionals with IV administration experience is crucial. Dr. Lauren Nawrocki, a respected physician in the field, emphasizes the importance of proper technique and sterile conditions. "IV therapy can be a useful tool," she notes, "but it's not something to be taken lightly. It's a medical procedure that requires skill and expertise to perform safely." When choosing a provider, don't be afraid to ask questions about their qualifications, experience, and safety protocols. A reputable clinic should be happy to provide this information and address any concerns you might have. The Bigger Picture: Alcohol and Health While we're on the topic of hangovers and their remedies, it's worth taking a moment to consider the bigger picture of alcohol consumption and health. Hangovers, after all, are our bodies' way of telling us we've had too much to drink. Regular heavy drinking can lead to a host of health problems, including liver disease, heart problems, and an increased risk of certain cancers. It can also contribute to mental health issues and affect personal relationships. No amount of IV therapy can undo these long-term effects. If you find yourself frequently seeking hangover cures, it might be worth examining your drinking habits. Are there healthier ways to socialize or de-stress? Could you benefit from cutting back on alcohol consumption? These are essential questions to consider for your overall health and well-being. The Future of Hangover Treatment As our understanding of the physiological mechanisms behind hangovers continues to grow, so does the potential for more targeted treatments. Researchers are exploring various approaches, from medications that speed up the breakdown of acetaldehyde to supplements that support liver function. IV therapy itself is likely to evolve as well. More personalized treatments may be based on individual nutritional needs and specific hangover symptoms. There's also potential for combining IV therapy with other treatments, such as oxygen therapy or even stem cell treatments, though these applications are still in the early stages of research. However, it's important to remember that no matter how advanced our hangover cures become, they're no substitute for responsible drinking habits. The best way to avoid a hangover will always be to drink in moderation – or not at all. Conclusion: A Tool, Not a Solution So, is IV hydration therapy the best cure for hangovers? As with many things in medicine, "it depends." For some people, in some situations, IV therapy can provide quick relief from hangover symptoms and help them get back on their feet faster. It's a tool that can be part of an effective hangover recovery strategy when used appropriately and administered by professionals. However, it's not a magic solution, and it's certainly not a free pass to drink irresponsibly. The best approach to hangovers is still prevention – drinking in moderation, staying hydrated, and giving your body time to rest and recover. If you do find yourself with a hangover and are considering IV therapy, weigh the potential benefits against the cost and any possible risks. And most importantly, listen to your body. If your hangovers are severe or frequent, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship with alcohol. Remember, health is about more than just treating symptoms – it's about making choices that support your overall well-being in the long term. Whether that involves IV therapy, traditional hangover remedies, or simply cutting back on alcohol, the best choice is the one that works for you and supports your health goals. Cheers to that! Read the full article

[jonathankais]

Top 5 benefits of chiropractic care for auto accident victims

Majority of auto accident victims have doubts and concerns about their recovery. Some like to go with treatment options that promise faster recovery. While for some the key priority is quick reduction in the chronic pain. Some like to be mobile and functional as soon as possible, while some are concerned about the effects of surgeries and pain-relievers on their body.

All these concerned as best answered with auto injury chiropractic care. It is reported that accident survivors who were treated by chiropractors are 75% less likely to develop chronic pain conditions. Moreover, you can experience an average 60% improvement in your mobility within six weeks by visiting an auto accident chiropractor Jacksonville. 

The gentle approach of chiropractic care allows your body to heal itself naturally. Hence, it is considered a highly promising approach to recovery after an auto injury. Let’s find out the key reasons that chiropractic care has become the best-suited treatment choice for auto injuries.

Looking for natural pain relief? Ask for chiropractic auto injury treatment near me

Chiropractors are highly preferred over toxic pain medications. The approach is natural, and drug-free. Auto injury victims get precise adjustments for injuries such as whiplash, strained muscles or misaligned joints. 

Chiropractic care focuses on addressing the root cause of the pain, providing long-term relief without the need for medications or invasive procedures.

A holistic approach to get your entire body heal from auto injuries

Chiropractors look at the body as a whole. They don’t just treat the symptoms; they assess the entire musculoskeletal system to identify underlying issues. This holistic approach ensures that all aspects of the injury are addressed, promoting comprehensive healing. By restoring proper alignment and function, chiropractors facilitate the body’s natural healing process.

Want to recover within a few weeks? Search for a chiropractic auto accident doctor near me 

Recovery process after an auto injury can be slow in conventional treatment. But with chiropractic adjustments, you get your spine and joints realigned which helps in faster recovery. 

Chiropractors improve blood circulation and nerve function. This enhanced circulation delivers vital nutrients to the injured area, accelerating the body’s natural healing mechanisms. Consequently, patients often experience faster recovery times and reduced downtime.

Why go for dreadful surgeries? Choose chiropractic auto injury clinic near me

Chiropractic care is non-invasive, meaning it doesn’t involve surgeries or medications with potential side effects. For auto injury victims who prefer natural, non-surgical approaches, chiropractic care is an ideal choice. It’s gentle yet highly effective, allowing patients to avoid the risks and recovery time associated with invasive medical procedures.

Personalized Care and Rehabilitation

Chiropractors provide personalized treatment plans tailored to each patient’s specific injuries and needs. They often combine chiropractic adjustments with rehabilitation exercises and lifestyle advice. This comprehensive approach not only addresses the immediate pain but also focuses on strengthening and stabilizing the affected area. Personalized care ensures that patients receive targeted, effective treatment, promoting a full recovery.

Conclusion

Choosing chiropractic care after an auto injury means you are choosing a natural approach to recovery. Chiropractors relieve pain and also help you to regain your strength after an auto accident. So make the wise choice and schedule an appointment for auto injury chiropractic care. You can also connect with the licensed chiropractors at Jacksonville Chiropractic and Acupuncture Centre. It is the best place to seek auto injury treatment in FL.

[praglechiropracticblog]

How does chiropractic care work onchronic pain

In clinical terms, chronic pain is defined as a condition that lasts for more than three months. You might get surprised but there are millions of people around the world suffering from chronic pain. Millions are struggling to treat their conditions with harmful over-the-counter pain relievers. However, it is not recommended as the safest remedy to get better. Ideally, you can find relief through the alternative medicine approach of chiropractic care.

A Tallahassee chiropractor can help you get rid of chronic pain in a side effect free and drug free method. In today’s post, we will discuss what exactly is chiropractor massage therapy and how it helps in chronic pain treatment.

What is chiropractic care?

Chiropractic adjustments are considered an alternative medicine approach. It involves the diagnosis and treatment of musculoskeletal conditions, especially conditions that affect spinal health.

Chiropractors use various techniques to manipulate the spine, joints as well as soft tissues

Scheduling an appointment at a chiropractic Tallahassee clinic can be helpful in:

Pain reduction

Inflammation reduction

Joint mobility improvement

How do chiropractic techniques help in chronic pain?

The chiropractic techniques are called spinal manipulation and spinal adjustments. These techniques are implemented by an experienced professional who carefully applies controlled force to restore the spinal alignment.

The controlled force is applied to alleviate the pain. Along with spinal manipulation, chiropractors can also suggest massage therapy and stretching exercises. These techniques are highly effective in the treatment of the following conditions:

Lower back pain

Upper back pain

Neck pain

Osteoarthritis

Auto injury pain

What are the benefits of chiropractic care for chronic pain?

Chiropractic adjustments are done by a professional using just hands. No drugs or needles are involved in the treatment process. Hence, it is a highly popular treatment choice among people looking for a non-invasive and drug free solution to treat chronic pain.

You don’t even require to take pain medications during the treatment sessions because chiropractic adjustments are very gentle and there are no sideeffects of the treatment. Mild soreness at the sight of the manipulation can be expected but the pain might subside on its own within a couple of hours.

Moreover, chiropractic care is best suited for chronic pain because the approach offers long-term relief from pain. Over the counter pain medications only work on the symptoms of pain but a chiropractor can perform thorough assessments to develop a personalized treatment plan and can work on the root cause of the pain. It is great to improve your overall health and wellness without the risk of side effects.

Conclusion

Conventional pain treatments are toxic and harmful in the long-term. On the other hand, chiropractic care is a popular non-invasive and side effect free alternative medicine approach. The effective techniques can be helpful for the manipulation of the spine, joints as well as soft tissues. If you are suffering from severe discomfort in the neck, back or spine, it is highly recommended to search for “Massage and Chiropractor near Me”. Ideally, you can schedule an appointment at Pragle Chiropractic and Massage Therapy Clinic to get safe and effective chronic pain treatment.

[vertanvertan]

Hidden Answers To Best Cbd Oil Revealed

If you've ever dealt with discomfort, you already know precisely how laborious it usually is to locate relief. Thank goodness, there's an easy all natural solution which works thinking about: CBD oil. It's an absolute more and more popular health and fitness item that could certainly help your sleeping, scale down emotional tension, and reduce pain and discomfort. Any time you’re prepared start employing CBD, it’s vital that you go with a high-quality branding that makes use of healthy compounds. You must also pick out product that have been evaluated through third parties to confirm love, many, and also sexual strength. You’ll like to examine user reviews if ever the brand name is known for a solid track record amongst established people. Finally, i suggest you obtain a manufacturer who offers many goods, among them oils, capsules, along with tinctures. The most effective way taking CBD for pain is via a good tincture or vape pen. A lot of these tinctures are formulated together with intense CBD extractions who have been combined with a insurance company oil. This valuable means typically the CBD is definitely immersed quickly and effectively as a result of physique.

Additionally, it is essential to be sure that the CBD is definitely obtained from a strain about ganja which in turn doesn’t involve THC, since this may well boost up your hazard meant for negative side result similar to paranoia. The particular best cbd oils pertaining to ache have mixture terpenes, that can help with the help of relaxing all of the the actual plus curing strain. CBDfx a great choice for any one needing to stop power inflammation and pain having a best cbd oil supplements filled with a normal functioning quantity having to do with CBG. This will assist you to further improve all around affect simply by advancing this “entourage effect” which experts claim CBD sports your system. Another benefit from the tincture is that it gives you 18 distinct terpenes, that assist because of the anti-inflammatory, pain-relieving strengths that CBD possesses. Additionally, it is actually combined utilizing turmeric, which might be highly effective antioxidants which secure the body's immune system. Folks that should try to fully understand best cbd oil of 2022, they'll visit here.

That tincture is proven to work well with regards to arthritis together with muscle pain, that being said it’s a good option for anyone who is attempting to employ CBD for their own discomfort. Electronic cigarettes includes a wholesome medication dosage relating to hemp seed oil, which probably boosts the effectiveness in the tincture. Also, on top of that features a balanced quantity involved with omega-3 and also omega-6 fatty acids, which offer other health rewards. This amazing tincture is constucted from a very high power of CBD and it's appropriate for people who find themselves seeking to simplicity her or his persistent anguish which includes a biological, non-toxic cure which will won’t motive unfavourable unwanted side effects. In choosing the most suitable CBD for pain, you should always search for a supplier employs a perfect top quality almond, because this is inside your find the benefits of your respective cannabinoid. It's adviseable to obtain a business enterprise applies high-quality removing quick boost cannabinoids’ therapeutic capabilities. Then finally, you should examine for a corporation to provide a warranty to their product or service, because this is a warranty construct y stand behind her or his products. People who have prospects comprehend best cbd hemp oil and also other specifics can seem like liberated to go here.

[rejuvenatecbdgummies33]

Rejuvenate CBD Gummies Review: Refresh Your Mind With CBD

Are you too often plagued by stress, anxiety, and/or muscle tension? A person find it difficult to receive a good night's snooze? Maybe you just fined yourself aching when you wake on. Regardless of the issue at hand, you can find relief in the form of Rejuvenate CBD Gummies 300mg! This is an organic formula in a yummy chewable form. You do not have to worry about a hard-to-swallow pill, or paying prescription costs. It's all throughout this bottle, an once-per-day gummy that's going to heal, restore, and yes, rejuvenate you. They're built upon pure, concentrated CBD, or cannabidiol. This substance is emerging as essentially the most sought-after pain relief named agent. But, don't think for a second indicates it's going to be costly for you.

Rejuvenate CBD Gummies are usually designed to dramatically ease your mind and body alike. You'll find everyday living to be a more enjoyable experience than before. But, should you be reading this now, changes are that you see a little about Cbd. After all, you probably searched CBD to discover a this page. Therefore, mess CBD is a part the hemp plant, this this plant is which are used to make marijuana. What most people don't realize, though, is this : CBD is not marijuana. It's a part of it, yes, but not the part that causes people to suffer from addiction. Nor does it have any potential to cause hallucinations. You won't acquire a high from using this formula. What you will get, though, is feelings of ease and pleasure that's worlds away from what marijuana can offer. Plus, it's 100% legal!

Rejuvenate Hemp Gummies: How do They Work?

When we first observed this brand, we conducted a little research of our own. What we've found is the fact , Rejuvenate CBD Gummies Ingredients are likely the most efficient CBD relief product available. There are a couple of reasons for this. The first, in actual fact the heavy distillment of CBD extract that's found here. You might a bit surpised to hear this, or even not, but most companies dilute their CBD articles or blog posts. Now, what they use to fill the void is usually non-toxic. But, it's not going to help your body in any significant way. That means you're paying their price for no reason, save for the small number of CBD actually contained. When you chew Rejuvenate Gummies, however, every last ounce is true, unadulterated CBD.

This leads to the opposite major distinction we found, is the absence of THC. To explain why this is significant, let's go back to what we said about marijuana. As we said, CBD is not the substance responsible for your drug's illicit effects. For that, you're going to wish THC, a sister substance that coexists in the hemp plant. All of marijuana's narcotic properties originate from this substance, also because tetrahydrocannabinol. Because of 2 cannabinoids' coexistence, separating them completely is very very challenging. Unlike Rejuvenate CBD Oil, the majority of CBD products on the contain trace quantities of THC. If you want just a taste of the items actual marijuana can do for you, you'll in order to be pick one of these up. Here, you're not getting any of that addictive, frankly harmful, material!

[cherienymphe]

Twice Mine (Stucky x Reader)

WARNINGS: DUB-CON, mentions of NON-CON, vampire!Stucky, jealous!Stucky, violence, toxic relationships, murder, animal cruelty, bloodplay

➥ this is the much anticipated final part to Twice Bitten and Twice Burned

     I had a lot of fun with this series, and I hope you guys enjoy!

➥ divider by @firefly-graphics​

     ➥ Italics = things that have already happened

      ➥ Non italics = present day​

summary: King Steve has the reputation of the kindest king in all the land. How sad it is that such a man always seems to be burying a wife, leaving him lonely and searching for another. Seeing how Queen Margaret’s death affected you, the king hopes to raise your spirits by marrying you off to the handsome Duke, James Barnes, unbeknownst to you, sealing your fate.

~

The large living room was alight with the glow of the fire, the flames the only source of light in the entire room. The mansion was quiet, as it tended to be, but for the past week or so, it was a different kind of quiet. A heavy silence that was almost suffocating had descended over the place. You barely turned your head to the side, swallowing down a sigh.

You felt him before you heard him, a strong concern that didn’t belong to you taking up residence in your heart beside your own. You pressed your hand to your chest, the weight within it increasing as the sound of his footsteps reached your ears. His large hands soon found a place on your shoulders, fingers kneading into your bare flesh in what was meant to be a calming gesture. You hadn’t been calm in days.

“Come to bed,” he murmured, voice gravelly, still riddled with sleep.

You shook your head, eyes focused on the flames.

“I can’t sleep.”

He sighed, an exasperated sound as his fingers danced along your throat.

“You can’t sleep...you can’t eat…”

You swallowed, heart sinking at the knowledge that you’d been found out.

“...I’m fine,” you told him.

“Remember what happened the last time you went so long without feeding…”

His words made your eyes cloud over, the memory so fresh in your mind you would’ve thought it happened yesterday instead of centuries ago. 

“...it nearly broke you,” he whispered. “I don’t want to see you like that again.”

You didn’t respond, eyes instead falling to the floor as his grip tightened.

“Y/N.”

You shook your head.

“He was supposed to be back days ago,” you murmured, throat tight. “We haven’t heard from him in days.”

He exhaled, leaning down to press his lips to the top of your head, breathing you in.

“Can you still feel him? Focus...just like I taught you...”

You could. It was faint, and you had to search deep within yourself, but you could still feel him there within your chest. A light warmth that had been there since you’d first woken up into this new life.

“I can.”

“Then he’s alright…”

“Then why hasn’t he called? Or let us know that he’s okay?” you wondered, standing now as frustration colored your tone.

“It’s not the first time, doll. He will be fine, he always is, but you won’t be if you don’t drink something…”

The dull burn in your throat became all the more prominent as he reminded you of your thirst. A thirst that you hadn’t satiated in days. You turned, reluctantly lifting your eyes to meet the blue of his.

“I don’t think I can...not without…”

You trailed off, recalling the last and only time you had practically starved yourself. The lack of control you’d had… A small sigh reached your ears, and you watched as he nodded, stepping closer until his chest grazed yours.

“Drink from me for now...and then we’ll go hunting tomorrow.”

His hand was on your wrist, pulling you with him as he stepped back. He sank into the armchair, and you straddled him, fingers pressing into his shoulders as you made yourself comfortable. He gazed up at you like you had his heart in your hands, and the corner of your mouth lifted ever so slightly. 

“Anywhere you want,” he breathed.

Brushing your tongue over your bottom lip, you leaned in and sank your teeth into his throat. His hips lifted up into yours, hands curled around your waist as a low groan escaped you. Your eyes rolled as your body welcomed his blood into your system, coursing through your veins to give you much needed strength.

A hungry moan bubbled in your throat, and Steve sighed.

Someone was yelling. Even through the jumbled haze that was your mind, you could recognize that much. It was also hard to breathe. Did you even need to breathe now? Probably not, but surely you did if the way you were clutching your chest and gasping for breath was anything to go by. Could vampires have panic attacks? Could vampires go into shock?

“You killed her!”

You had heard someone scream that only moments ago, and yet here they were again. There was so much yelling, so much chaos, and through it all, the voice became clear. Both voices became clear. It was James...and Steve…

The thought of the blond made your lips curl, and you shakily pulled yourself to your feet. You glanced down at your dress, taking note of the faded blood. Your blood. You had tried to kill yourself, you remembered that now...and James had found you… Both James and Steve had found you. Then Steve had killed you. 

The memories were coming back so fast. You could hardly make sense of it all, and it took some time before you remembered your awakening...James...Steve… Mary Jane. Your lips parted as you eyed the fresh blood on your dress...your hands… It did not take long for your eyes to find Mary Jane’s still body just at the foot of the bed.

“No...no, no,” you mumbled, falling to your knees once again at her side.

Had you done this? You could not recall. There were blanks in your mind, but if you thought hard enough, you could conjure the uncontrollable thirst that had taken over you. You could remember the way James had attempted to stop you, the way Steve had laughed as you brutally drank from your maid. You could hear yourself scream, grief and rage hitting you all at once just before laying waste to the room.

You glanced up, eyes widening at the torn bedding and broken furniture. There were feathers everywhere. A soft sob left you as you cradled the lifeless girl in your arms. James and Steve were still arguing, fighting even, and you squeezed your eyes shut. This all felt like a bad dream. A nightmare...fueled by the vampire in the next room.

Had you been filled with less rage, you would have marveled at how quickly you moved. You found yourself in the receiving chamber, pinning Steve to the wall before you even realized what had happened. He merely chuckled, sharp teeth winking at you, blue eyes filled with mirth at your crisis.

“You did this to me,” you screamed, hitting at him. “You did this-!”

You cut yourself off with a sob just as James wrapped his arms around you, pulling you away from the other man. He shushed you, trying so hard to calm you, but you were inconsolable. The reality of the situation, your new reality, was finally starting to sink in, and you thought that the weight in your chest would crush you.

If it was not for James’ hold, you would have fallen to the floor. You had the hardest time breathing, setting your vision straight, and you shook so violently in his arms. You could feel him pressing kisses into your hair, still damp from what had transpired only hours ago.

“Go.”

That single word broke through, and it took you a moment to realize that he was not speaking to you. He was speaking to Steve. It seemed that both you and Steve came to the realization at the same time.

“Surely you are joking…”

“I mean it, Steve. You should not be here...not right now…”

“James-.”

Steve swallowed his words as you escaped and dug your nails into his throat, and while your attack did not last long, Steve easily fending you off, you were satisfied with the blood you had drawn. You fell to the floor but made no move to stand, hands pressed into the rug as you keeled over with another sob.

“You killed her, Steve.”

“Really? Because she seems to be alive and well from where I am standing,” the king sneered. “I have the marks to prove it.”

“You threw her off of the balcony!”

There was so much venom in James’ voice, and the silence that followed was thick. 

“She would have left us. Both you and I know that she would have tried again, and she would have succeeded! Is that what you would have wanted?”

You heard the wall shake.

“She did not deserve that,” James spat. “She deserved better. She deserved a painless death and a peaceful transition.”

Your nails scraped along the fabric of the rug as you recalled the pain of your body slamming into the stones below. The fear that had been enough to paralyze you once you realized what Steve had done.

“Now I must undo what you have done. I have to make this right for her...and I cannot do that with you around. You need to stay away from her for a while.”

You slowly lifted your head at James’ words, eyes taking in the scene before you. James had his hand at Steve’s throat, and you were surprised to find Steve’s cold gaze on you instead of James. He stared at you with such hatred, such contempt, and to your shock, you evenly stared back at him with the same look.

“You’re in trouble, you know that right?”

Steve’s quiet words reached where you stood all the way at the top of the stairs. You heard James sigh, and your relief at his safe return was unfortunately overshadowed by the fact that he’d gone an entire week with no call, no text, no nothing to let you know that he was okay.

He finally stepped out of the foyer and into the living room, Steve just behind him, and he at least had the gall to look sheepish. You wrapped your arms around yourself, far from cold, but just a force of habit whenever you felt particularly pouty. James threw you a small smile to which you did not return.

“I’m home, my love.”

You didn’t respond, and his smile faltered.

“You look radiant…”

Again, you ignored his words as you finally made your way down the stairs, the bottom of your dress kissing your feet. His face fell when you brushed past him and instead made your way to Steve.

“Steve, I’m thirsty,” you said with a frown, and the blond bit back a smirk.

“You just ate yesterday,” he reminded you.

“Well, I want to go again,” you argued.

You huffed when he gripped your shoulders, forcing you to face James. The dark-haired man resembled a kicked puppy, and you looked away. Steve leaned down to brush his lips against your ear.

“Cut him some slack, doll. You know how demanding business can be,” he told you.

He briefly squeezed your shoulders before leaving you altogether, and you reluctantly met James’ eye. His shoulders fell, and he took a step towards you.

“The deal didn’t go as smoothly as we thought it would. Would you believe me if I told you that doing business with humans is easier than with our own kind?”

Again, you didn’t respond. At least, not right away, and you simply raised an eyebrow at him.

“Do phones not work in Romania?”

He closed his eyes, releasing a sigh.

“I was worried-.”

“I was fine.”

“...and how was I to know that?”

He tilted his head at you, pressing the palm of his hand to your chest where your heart would beat if it could. That warmth was more prominent now that he was near, and you could feel his remorse for his lack of communication with you while he was away. His blue eyes were soft as he gazed at you.

“This is how you know,” he said.

“That’s...not the point, James,” you sighed, turning away. “I get anxious. You know that…”

He wrapped his arms around you from behind, pulling you into his chest.

“I know.”

“I don’t like it when we’re not all together. I hate when you go on these business trips by yourself,” you told him, turning in his hold. “Poor Steve has to put in twice the work just so I won’t miss you.”

James smirked, eyes glinting with mischief.

“Somehow, he manages to power through it, I’m sure,” he sarcastically replied.

You leaned in, brushing your lips along his chin, satisfied when James released a shaky breath.

“Are you coming hunting with us? I feel like it’s been so long with the three of us…”

His eyes narrowed ever so slightly, pink lips curving even more as he drank you in.

“Didn’t Steve say you just went hunting…?”

“...so?” you wondered, raising an eyebrow.

James chuckled, lips brushing yours as he spoke.

“You can’t get everything you want, my love.”

“You say that...and yet I always do,” you wondered, spinning away.

“We’ve talked about this, Y/N. We have to be careful,” he argued, halting your movements with a hand on your wrist. “This is a rather small town, and we stand out enough as it is.”

You didn’t respond, and he continued.

“Remember the last small town and your appetite?” he probed.

“It’s not my fault their community was filled with abusive and rapist scum. Besides, wasn’t that when I was snapping Steve’s neck every other week or so? I had to fully take out my frustrations on someone.”

He pulled you closer.

“You like it here, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“...and you want to stay for a long time, right?”

“...yes,” you reluctantly replied. “...but I’m thirsty, so…”

You ran your eyes along his frame.

“Somehow, some way, I’m drinking someone’s blood tonight.”

The scream that you let out was gut-wrenching, and you were thankful that you were deep in the woods. Far away from the village and the kingdom. The only light came from that of the moon as it hung in the sky, and for once, you wished that you were bathed in darkness instead. You did not want to see the consequences of your actions, see what you had done.

You were reminded of that first night in your new life. You could hardly breathe and hardly make sense of what was happening. Like before, the memories came to you quickly, filling in the holes that had been missing from the last day or so.

The thought of drinking blood, harming another, even if it did not cost them their life, was enough to disgust you. You had had enough, and had refused to drink for days. James had warned you. Oh God, he had warned you. You thought yourself above this life. You thought that your heart was too good for this life and that your will would overpower your nature. You were wrong, and the lifeless body in your arms was proof of that. 

The boy was young, so young. He had long passed the precipice of childhood, but had yet to reach that of a man, and now he never would. You did not even remember smelling him, nor snatching him away, but when you closed your eyes, you could see it. You could see how unaware he had been as he poked through bushes to find some berries to pick. You could see the way you zeroed in on him. You could see the monster that you had become.

Another loud sob escaped your trembling lips as you rocked him in your arms, wishing and hoping that he would wake up. That it would all be a nightmare, he would wake up, and prove that you were not the monster you now thought yourself to be.

You felt him before you saw him, and when you reluctantly lifted your head, you were surprised to come face to face with Steve...not James.

“I killed him,” you sobbed.

Steve sighed, frowning at you as he approached. You had not seen him in months, only in passing really, and you had forgotten just how much you hated him. However, in this moment, you did not wish to be alone. You wished for someone to reassure you that you were not some crazed beast. Anything to stop the pain.

“Yes, well… James told me of the grand conclusion you came to, thinking yourself above your nature,” he scoffed, and you frowned.

He shook his head at you.

“Honestly, Y/N. What did you think would transpire?”

There it was again, that rage, and your lip curled.

“This is your fault. All of this is your fault!”

You were standing now, and Steve tilted his head at you.

“You did this to me. I am like this because of you...because of what you forced onto me.”

Steve took a step towards you, something in his eyes that you could not place.

“What is done, is done. This,” he pointed to the lifeless body at your feet. “...happened because of you, because you refused to accept your new reality. This happened because you tried to go against nature, your nature.”

His words filled you with an anger that you could hardly fathom, and before you knew it, your hands were on his head and then he was at your feet, neck twisted at an odd angle. You blinked, eyes widening as you realized what you had done, and you stumbled back. You hated Steve, God knows you did, but James would be far from happy about this. 

As if you summoned him up, he was suddenly there, and you jumped at the sight. Your wide eyes met his just before he took in the mess you left behind, and he sighed when his eyes landed onto the boy.

“Oh, Y/N,” he breathed, sounding sad.

“I…”

You glanced at Steve’s still form.

“Steve...he...I…”

You did not know how to tell him that you had killed his best friend, but James merely glanced at Steve before chuckling.

“I assure you, Steve is fine.”

You frowned, and he elaborated.

“You did not kill him...not permanently, at least,” he explained. “You just snapped his neck. It is something like a temporary death for us. He will be alright. It is rather painful though, but...even I must admit that he had it coming.”

“He will be angry with me,” you murmured. “...but he always seems to be angry with me. He blames me for your...separation.”

“Steve has no one to blame but himself, my love” he said, kneeling beside the nameless boy.

“You...were right, James,” you whispered, choked up.

He looked to you, eyes heavy with a myriad of emotions you could not even begin to name. Regret being the most evident one.

“I thought that I could fight it. I thought that I could make myself be something that I am not. Steve was right when he said that I did not want to accept my new reality, and I hate admitting that.”

“I will help you through this-.”

“No.”

He blinked at you, standing now as he worriedly eyed you.

“I cannot do this,” you confessed.

“Y/N-.”

“I am sorry. I am...so sorry,” you whispered, leaving him there in the blink of an eye.

Your fingers tangled in Steve’s hair as he swirled his tongue in and out of you. His lips couldn’t get enough, and he pressed his fingers into your thighs, holding you down. James was far on the other side of the room, face torn between hunger and disappointment. Despite the fact that he was safe and sound, you were still miffed about his lack of communication.

“You can look...but you can’t touch.”

That was what you’d told him, and even though it was obvious how much he wanted to protest, he obeyed. Now he stood as still as a statue, hands balled into fists, face taut as he fought to prevent himself from tasting you as Steve was currently doing. 

Your chest was pointed towards the ceiling, mouth parted as moans climbed out of your throat. Steve was ravenous between your legs, groans escaping here and there to send vibrations through you, making you clench around his tongue.

“Steve,” you moaned, eyes rolling.

That was what you both loved and hated about Steve. He could remain between your thighs for days on end if you allowed him to. Your voice caught when he pushed you over the edge, chest heaving and stomach tightening while the blond greedily lapped at you, refusing to waste a single drop. You could hear James swallow as Steve crawled up your spent frame, blue eyes narrowing like that of a feline.

He pulled you into his lap, bare chest pressed to yours, arms wrapped around your waist. You threw your own around his neck, nose brushing his as you let out a happy sigh. 

“I think I’ve tortured James enough, don’t you?”

You grinned at him, and Steve returned it, leaning up. You pulled back, smile widening as you evaded his kiss.

“I don’t know, doll. I think he could stand some more,” he purred.

The mischief in his eyes matched your own, and you both turned to leer at James, your cheek pressed against Steve’s. You offered your hand to James, and it was impressive how fast he moved, taking your hand and pressing his lips to yours. You moaned into the kiss while Steve trailed his own lips to your neck.

Your teeth scraped along James’ mouth, drawing blood, and your body buzzed at the taste. A low moan crawled from James’ lips as you leaned down to sink your teeth into his throat, his hand coming up to twist into your hair. You pulled away with a sigh, Steve’s mouth seeking out your own, eager to taste James on your tongue. You could hear the dark-haired man swiftly undressing, pressing his chest to your back in no time, eager to make his absence up to you.

“You need to come back.”

You froze, eyes focused on Steve as he stood in the tiny cottage you had taken up residence in, making the space look that much smaller. You swallowed as you eyed him, recalling the last time you saw him in which you had snapped his neck. That was the last time you saw James too. That was months ago. Your emotions must have been all over your face because Steve simply smirked.

“Relax. I am not here to snap your neck as you did mine,” he assured you, stepping further into the place.

He looked as regal as he always did, blond hair neatly pushed out of his face.

“Nor would you be in the right to. If anything, you had it coming from the moment you killed me,” you hissed.

He narrowed his eyes at you, and you continued before he could speak.

“Why are you here? How did you find me?” you demanded, genuine confusion coloring your tone.

“Do not be daft, sweet Y/N. We have known of your whereabouts this entire time. If it were not for James, I would have dragged you back to the castle long ago, but he insisted that you needed time,” he explained.

“...and yet here you are.”

Steve’s jaw ticked, and he neared you.

“Yes. Here I am, because you need to come back,” he repeated.

“Why?” you scoffed. “...so you can torture me some more? Make my life as miserable as your heart?”

“He is not the same,” Steve suddenly said, making you swallow your words. “He needs you.”

The thought of James sullen and wasting himself away was enough to make your heart clench, but you simply folded your arms over your chest, glancing away.

“I am happy here,” you told him.

“Really? Happy here to feed on the squirrels and the deer like some beast of the wild?” he sneered.

“What is it to you?”

He was on you in a flash, fingers pressing into your jaw so harshly you could have sworn you heard it crack. His nose brushed against yours as he glared into your eyes, an untamable fire behind his own. 

“It means something to me because I wish to see him happy. As much as I despise your very presence...he is not himself whilst you are gone,” Steve told you.

You scoffed.

“Are you no longer enough for him? Funny, because whenever I was around, all he seemed to do was put you first-.”

You cut yourself off with a gasp as he slammed you into the wall, the small house shaking from the force. Your eyes watered and your lips trembled as you glared at the man before you, the man who had killed you.

“I am giving you one week. One week to do what you must. Drink from all the animals you like, tear through every tree while imagining my face on them, get whatever you must out of your system,” he began.

You looked away, and he pressed his lips to your cheek.

“If you have not returned in a week, if you run, I will find you...and I will drag you back...but not before reminding you of just how cruel I can be,” he purred.

You pushed against him, and he merely moved to catch your wrists, slamming them into the wall. Steve's forehead was pressed to yours, and you could not meet his eye.

“You may not be as weak as you once were,” he started, forcing his knee between your legs. “...but you will never be strong enough to fend me off. I have no problem reminding you of that.”

He brushed his lips over your trembling ones, and then he was gone, ruining your peace once again. You cried for the first time in weeks that night. You had no doubt that if you ran, Steve would find you. You did not know how they even found you to begin with, but it was scary to think that they knew where you were this entire time without your knowledge. What else were they capable of? 

As much as you did not want to, it was exactly one week later that you found yourself returning to the castle. It was late in the night, all of the servants and any other guests fast asleep, when you walked through the doors. James was there before you hardly got a foot inside, and you were in his arms before you knew it.

“I have missed you,” he sighed, squeezing you to him.

He breathed you in, and you found yourself doing the same, reluctant to admit that you missed him too. For a moment, you were reminded of a time where you felt safe in his arms, and you wondered if you would ever feel that again. When soft footsteps reached your ears, you looked up, Steve’s eyes meeting yours as he stood behind James, practically bathed in darkness. It was then that you realized the answer was no. You would probably never feel that again. Not while Steve was around.

Contrary to what you had thought, the time that followed was far from miserable. Steve still kept a safe distance, and James did his best to teach you about your new life. Whenever you did see Steve though, it was cordial...polite...but tense. There was something unspoken in the air that you were reluctant to give attention to. It stewed for the longest time until James was the one to finally bring attention to it.

“We need to talk, my love,” he said to you one evening.

You had frowned a bit, but eventually closed your book, giving him your full attention. You could not read his face, and that worried you.

“It is about Steve,” he began.

You swallowed, straightening.

“What about Steve…?”

At this point, it had been two years since your death that was somehow both literal and metaphorical, and you had not come any closer to softening your heart towards the king. You hardly saw him, hardly spoke to him as he continued to do as James asked and gave you the space to make your transition into this life much smoother.

James sighed, reaching up to brush his thumb along your cheek.

“It is meant to be the three of us…”

You looked away, heart sinking as you realized what this was about.

“That is how I envisioned our future, and I hope that we can get back to that some day.”

“James…”

“I am not rushing you. Believe me, there is still much anger in my heart towards him for what he did, and I know that my anger cannot ever compare to yours. I only wish to remind you that this is what I hope for us some day.”

You did not respond, and he continued. 

“I am bringing this up because I have spoken with Steve...and he will be doing his best to make amends. I want you to expect that…”

Yours eyes met his, and he left you with a small smile. You soon found out that Steve’s version of making amends was to buy you things you had never asked for.

“It is all the rage in France,” Steve huffed as you turned your nose up at the gaudy necklace.

“Well, I am sure they will appreciate having it returned to them,” you snidely commented

Fed up, he threw the necklace to the ground, pointing a finger at you.

“You are being unnecessarily difficult,” he hissed.

Your eyes widened and your lips parted as you stared at him as if he had grown a second head before your very eyes.

“This...,” you picked up the other jewels he had brought. “...means nothing. All of this means nothing!”

You threw them at him, taking great satisfaction in the offended look he wore.

“You killed me!”

Two years worth of anger and hurt had been stewing. Your fingers trembled and your body vibrated and your eyes burned as you stared at the blond man before you. Your murderer.

“You taunted me and made my life hell for years! And then...and then you tossed me...off of a balcony,” you shakily gasped. “...and you think that your money will atone for that?”

Steve said nothing, face taut as your words hit him square on.

“You think these meaningless things will undo what you have done? How on earth did you manage to keep the throne all these years with nothing between those ears of yours?”

He was quick in invading your space, and his chest heaved with barely contained anger as you glared at him.

“You will watch how you speak to me.”

“Or what? You shall kill me? Again?”

He said nothing, and his nostrils flared.

“James will end your pitiful existence the minute that you do,” you spat.

The words had just barely left your mouth when his hand found your throat. Having anticipated this because Steve was nothing if not predictable, you grabbed the bejeweled dagger he had tried to gift you, plunging it straight into his chest. You felt no disgust when he coughed, blood flying past his lips and onto your face. You could only feel satisfaction as you watched the pain register on his features.

Your gratification did not last long as you watched him swallow down the ache, a troubling laugh escaping his bloody lips. His wide eyes took you in with something you could not name, but if you did not know any better, you would think it was pride. He chuckled again, his hand coming up to cover your own that still held the knife in his chest. He leaned in, with difficulty, and brushed his blood-stained lips over your own.

“Word of advice...a piece of wood is what you desire.”

He tightened his grip on your hand, and you winced, gaze never parting from his.

“Also...you might want to aim a bit higher next time,” he said through clenched teeth just before ripping it out.

You gasped as he snatched it from your fingers, quickly fisting his other hand into your hair, pressing the blade to your throat. You just felt a trickle of blood when James came bursting into the room. He was quick to pull Steve away, pinning the king to the wall.

“Have you lost your mind?”

Steve merely chuckled, a smirk on his pink lips.

“We were just having some fun. Right, Y/N?”

He looked to you, and you merely huffed, brushing past them both, ignoring James as he called for you. You did not see a future in which you would ever forgive Steve for what he did, what he put you through, but you could not accept one in which the two of you were constantly at each other’s throats. Something had to give.

Is this what you had come to? Is this who you were now? The thought was enough to make you sick, but surely it was the only way? Right…? Steve did not stir, and his body was warm beneath yours as you tightened your hands around the stake. The entire time that you whittled it, you kept wondering to yourself if this was what you really wanted to do? Could you even do this?

You pressed the end of it to his chest and swallowed. Would James hate you? He would be mad, that was for sure. That was to be expected even, but surely he could grow past this right? If your heart was able to beat, you were positive that it would be threatening to leap from your chest this very moment. Why were you scared? Why were you nervous? Steve deserved this...a thousand times over.

You were having doubts, and you did not want to admit that. You had stewed over this for months. Months of arguing and fighting. How many times had you drawn blood from him and vice versa? How many more? You jumped, startled when a hand closed around both of yours, and you lifted your gaze to meet the unflinching one of Steve. It suddenly occurred to you that he may have been awake this entire time.

You sharply inhaled, but he simply smiled, pink lips curving upwards ever so slightly.

“Do it,” he urged.

Your eyes widened, and you almost listened to him, but you faltered.

“Go on...do it…”

His blue eyes glinted with something unknown, and his teeth winked at you as he grinned.

“...why?” you suddenly wondered. “Why do you want me to?”

He tilted his head at you.

“You must learn to survive this life one way or another…”

You frowned, heart sinking at that. 

“I… James…”

Steve hummed, nodding.

“Yes. He will be quite angry. I daresay he might even kill you,” he told you.

Your eyes widened at that, chest clenching.

“...the same he would do to me should I ever take you away from him.”

Your shoulders dropped at that, and you blinked.

“He loves us both...and he does not intend to live the rest of his days without either one of us by his side. I may not like this, but I have come to accept it.”

You glanced away, his words taking up residence within you.

“...but if you cannot accept this, then by all means...drive that stake through my heart. Truly become what you are and take what you must. That is how you survive this life…”

There was that phrase again. You did not like it, did not like the way it made you feel, and with a disgusted gasp, you dropped the stake. You held your hands up and away from Steve, chest heaving as you shook your head.

“No...no. That is...not how I wish to survive this life,” you told him.

You chanced a glance at him, finding that his eyes had darkened considerably. With a growl, the stake was in his hand, and he had flipped you, hovering over you as you trembled beneath him.

“Then you are weak!”

“Fine!”

He had not expected that response, and he looked taken aback. His fair hair brushed his forehead, thin shirt hanging off of his shoulder as he frowned at you.

“Fine...then I am weak. Call me whatever you like, Steve, but that is not me...and it shall never be me.”

You could feel the tip of the stake pressing into you through the fabric of your gown, and you swallowed, eyes boring into his.

“If you wish to drive that stake through my heart, to take what you want, then you may do so, but that is not who I am,” you quietly said. “I am not you.”

As much as you wished you could be, you were not like Steve. God knows that you hated him, and a part of you even hated James too, but killing Steve would hurt James, and you could not do that. You would not be able to live with yourself. Steve stared at you for a long time, and for a moment you thought that he would, but all too soon, you heard the piece of wood clatter to the floor. He remained hovering over you, hand on your neck now, and you swallowed as a shudder passed through you. His chambers were quiet as you simply stared at one another, and you thought to yourself how horrible it was that someone so demented could be so beautiful. Life was most cruel.

“I hate you,” you suddenly whispered.

Your words did not affect him, but you repeated them anyway.

“I hate you so much. I do not think you can ever imagine just how much I truly hate you, Steve,” you mumbled, tears kissing your eyes.

The king leaned down, nose brushing along yours as he hummed. Your lashes fluttered, hating the way heat swirled in your gut with his movements.

“I shall never forgive you.”

“It is not your forgiveness I seek,” he said.

He settled in between your legs, forcing them around his waist as his lips pressed against your neck.

“Then what do you seek from me…?”

His sharp teeth grazed your throat, and you curled your hands into fists, nails pressing into your palms. Your world was suddenly spinning, and you found yourself on top of Steve yet again. One of his hands pressed into your waist, holding you to him while you laid your palms on his chest. Even in the dark, the blue of his eyes appeared darker. Just as you were about to move to get off of him, he sat up, pressing his chest to yours.

“I-.”

Your words died on your tongue when he pressed his thumb to your mouth, scraping it over your teeth, and your eyes rolled when his blood fell onto your tongue.

“Show me how much you hate me,” he purred, leaning in to sink his own teeth into the skin just above your breast, piercing it through the fabric of your gown.

You had your way with Steve that night, hips moving over his as you sought out your climax again and again. You bit him, scratched him, left marks on every piece of flesh you could get your hands on, and he welcomed it all. Steve enjoyed a bit of pain, you realized, and you were shocked to find out just how much you enjoyed giving it to him. 

By the time you were done, the sun peaking through the window, the sheets were stained with blood. Steve was fast asleep, breathing faint, and you were leaving his chambers, feeling a bit shameful in your bloody gown from the night before. You were surprised to find James awaiting you when you entered the corridor, and you jumped a bit, pressing a hand to your chest.

You were unsure of what to say. For some reason, you thought James would be mad, but then you remembered that this is what he wanted. You frowned as he approached you, leaning in to press his lips to yours, tasting Steve’s blood on them. He did not completely pull away, and you felt the corner of his mouth lift.

“Good girl,” he whispered.

You reared back, eyeing him and the small smirk on his lips, and you suddenly wondered just how coincidental your night with Steve was...or if outside forces had come into play.

You glided through the sea of bodies, the flashing lights doing little to obstruct your vision. The club was otherwise dark, everyone around you too preoccupied with drugs or alcohol or the person next to them. Steve and James were currently knocked out at home, and while vampire blood quelled the thirst, it wasn’t what your body lived on. Venturing out for a few hours wouldn’t hurt anyone...or so you intended.

Unimpressed with the slim pickings before you, you exited the club. It was a nice summer night, but it would be much nicer if you could find something quick to eat. You heard the footsteps behind you as you made your way to your car parked on the side of the street, but you didn’t think much of it. At least, not until a warm hand wrapped around your wrist. You spun, eyes wide and confused.

The man before you had a fair complexion, hair dark and eyes darker. His facial hair was tasteful, jawline sharp, and under different circumstances, you might have found him attractive, but he wreaked of malicious intentions. You only discovered what those intentions were when he pushed against you. You allowed him to, looking at him like he had a death wish as he pinned you to your car.

“I saw you inside the club,” he said.

“...and?” you wondered, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Just a bit surprised to see a girl like you all alone… Dressed like that, you must be looking for something,” he grinned.

You scoffed, pushing against him.

“Get lost, creep.”

He snatched your hand, applying what you were sure he thought was painful pressure. You glowered at him as he pressed himself more firmly against you, and you could feel him hot and hard beneath his jeans.

“I really hate teases like you, you know,” he sneered. “You come out dressed like whores, knowing exactly what you look like, what kind of attention you’re looking for, and then when you get it… You get all surprised on us.”

You tilted your head at him, eyes narrowing.

“Nobody plays hard to get anymore. We see right through it.”

You pressed your lips together, mind whirling as you looked away. With a smirk, you leaned up and pressed your lips to his. He groaned into your mouth, tight grip still on your hand. When you pulled back, you licked your lips, brushing your nose against his.

“You caught me,” you chuckled. “Wanna come back to my place? I’ll drive.”

He grinned at you with a nod, taking a step back. By the time you got behind the wheel, he was already seated. He whistled at the interior of the car, and you threw him a sly smile as you started it.

“This yours?”

“It’s my ex’s,” you told him with a shrug.

It wasn’t a lie. James had been your ex at the time, angry with him for something you could hardly recall. The not-so-breakup breakup lasting a few months before Steve intervened. You just didn’t mention that you and said ex were happily back together.

The would be rapist talked the entire way as you sped down the road to upstate New York. If he took note of the long commute, he didn’t comment on it. Then again, why would he? He was far too preoccupied with getting laid. When you pulled up in front of the large and isolated mansion, you noticed the way his eyes briefly widened. The corner of your lips lifted just a bit as you took note of the way his heart skipped a beat.

The house was quiet, lighting dim when you entered, and you wondered if they were still asleep. You hoped not. You knew they had to be hungry. Before you could think more on it, the man behind you, Brock was what he called himself, wrapped his arms around you, pulling you against him. You didn’t react as he pressed kisses to your neck, your hungry eyes looking around for any sign of Steve or James instead.

“This is a nice place, kind of big for one woman.” he commented.

Footsteps reached your ears, far too soft for him to notice, and you bit your lip, fighting a smile.

“I agree,” you breathed, spinning around to cover his lips with your own.

His hands were tight on your waist, lips hungry and tongue searching, and the only reason disgust didn’t fill you was because you knew this would be worth it in only a matter of seconds.

“Doll…?”

You pulled away, ignoring the look on Brock’s face as you turned to grin at Steve. Your hands were on the raven-haired man’s face, your own visage practically glowing.

“Stevie,” you coolly responded.

You didn’t miss the way his eyes darkened as he took in the way the strange man held you, and your stomach flipped. You skipped towards him, hanging onto his arm as he continued to stare at the other man, a thousand ways to kill him running through his head, no doubt.

“What is the meaning of this?” he quietly demanded.

“What the fuck is going on?”

You ignored Brock, pouting at the blond man.

“He thought he could make me do whatever he wanted, Steve,” you whispered.

His head snapped towards you, jaw clenching as he ran his eyes over you. He knew that you were more than capable of taking care of yourself, but it was a habit he had no intentions of breaking.

“...so...I thought I’d bring him home…”

A smirk danced along his lips.

“Is that so?” he wondered, slowly turning to face the other man who was seconds away from leaving.

Too quickly for his eye to see, Steve was upon him, a hand digging into his shoulder. Brock barely had time to make any kind of noise before your husband was brutally tearing into his throat. You quietly approached them as Steve greedily drank from the skeevy man. He was dead by the time you reached them, and Steve lifted his head towards you, face stained, blood crawling down his neck.

He growled before smashing his lips against yours. You were reluctant to admit that the dead scum tasted better than you thought he would, but fear always did make the blood taste sweeter. You heard his body drop to the ground as Steve pressed his hands into your neck, tongue tasting the inside of your mouth while yours tasted the blood on his. You only pulled away when you heard a sigh, and you both turned to face James at the bottom of the stairs.

“What have I said about in the house?”

He sounded exasperated, but didn’t look particularly upset. You had the distinct feeling that he heard everything, and the reluctant smile that found its way onto his lips confirmed that. He beckoned you over, and you complied.

“Still mad at me?” he wondered, pinching your chin.

“No,” you said, shaking your head.

He pecked your lips.

“Good. I’ll help you get rid of that, Steve...and my love?”

He had brushed past you, and you turned to look at him expectantly.

“Yes…?”

“Never in the house,” he lightly scolded.

You returned his scowl with a grin.

The shard broke off deep into his neck, and Steve hissed, reaching to dig it out just as you plunged the other half into his chest.

“Fucking hell!”

Your palm connected with his cheek just before he shoved himself away from you, and you were determined to follow when strong familiar arms wrapped around you from behind, pinning your arms at your side.

“Let go of me,” you cried.

“Y/N-.”

“Let. Go. Of. Me!”

James did not listen, and instead you found yourself pinned to the wall, his arms preventing you from moving. You glared past his shoulder, trying in vain to kill Steve with your vision alone. The blond winced as he tore the broken glass from his neck, blood soaking into his shirt.

“He killed him,” you spat, lips trembling as the pain in your chest flared with the reminder of what Steve had done.

The man in question snapped his head up, eyes dark with anger and jealousy while his lip curled over his teeth.

“And I would happily do it again,” he sneered.

“He was my friend!”

“He coveted you,” Steve hissed, face only a hair’s width away from your own now. “You would think that after 400 plus years on this God forsaken earth, you would realize that.”

You frantically shook your head.

“No. Not everyone is like you, Steve. Not everyone has the worst intentions,” you screamed. 

Steve simply rolled his eyes, turning away as he removed his shirt. You looked to James for help, anything to back you up, but he did not look the least bit remorseful about what Steve had done. He sighed, and you frowned.

“I gave Steve the okay,” he quietly confessed. 

Your eyes widened, and you stumbled back out of his now loose hold. You stared at him in confusion, fighting to understand what he was telling you.

“W-what? You...you told him to kill Clint?” 

James did not respond, and you swallowed, a sharp pain traveling through your chest.

“...why?” you softly asked. “He was my friend. He made me laugh, he listened to me…”

You ignored Steve’s scoff, and James reached out to brush his thumb over your chin.

“We cannot get attached to humans.”

“You did,” you threw at him. “Or have you forgotten how I ended up in this situation to begin with?”

Anger briefly flashed over his features, and you tilted your head at him.

“That was different-.”

“How so? Was it different because you can do whatever you want while I cannot? Or is it different because you felt threatened by him?”

James pressed his chest to yours, staring you down with a look you had never been on the receiving end of before. You shuddered, and he took another step forward, forcing you back.

“Threatened by a mere human who we snuffed out like it was nothing?”

“I enjoyed being around him. I enjoyed learning about the ever changing world. He reminded me of a life that Steve so cruelly ripped away from me, and you hated it,” you whispered.

James’ silence spoke volumes.

“Admit it. You were terrified that I would...what...turn him? Then run off into the sunset, leaving the two of you behind?”

Now it was your turn to scoff.

“How quickly you forget that I am nothing like you...and that I could never do to someone else what you have done to me,” you snidely told him.

James sharply inhaled, straightening to his full height.

“You are ours, and it will remain that way until the end of time.”

You looked down, but James’ hand on your chin forced you to hold his uncharacteristically cold gaze.

“...and Steve and I will kill whomever we see fit to ensure nothing disrupts that.”

You snatched your face out of his grip, tears in your eyes.

“He did not taste half bad. You should have drank from him when you had the chance,” Steve chuckled.

Only a moment later, your hands were on his face, and he collapsed at your feet. Anger coursed through you as you stared down at him, wishing you had the strength and callousness to drive a stake through his heart. James heaved a sigh from behind you, and you felt him approach.

“You cannot keep doing that every time he upsets you, my love.”

You turned to face him, frown deepening when he placed his hand on your cheek. You copied him, placing your other hand on his other cheek, before breaking his neck with a grimace. You scoffed, shaking your head at them both before storming out of the room.

The storm raged around you as you stared down into the overgrown grass. Centuries upon centuries had passed, and while it was certainly not as grand as it had once been, the basic structure of the castle remained. You had no doubt that in the years to come, it would be a tourist attraction. Nothing else from the building mattered much. The only thing that was of some importance, the balcony, remained, and that was all that you cared about.

You pressed your hand to your lips as you looked around, feeling like it was only yesterday that you had been here. If you thought hard enough, you could recall the early days of your marriage, filled with innocence and naivety. You could even recall the respect and admiration you’d had for Steve then, back when he was a king. Your relationship with the blond was much more complicated these days than you cared to admit.

And if you really relaxed, really thought hard enough, you could see her smile. You could see the way her hair caught the sun, looking almost red at times. You could hear her laugh at some jest that was far too inappropriate for a woman to make back then. If you thought hard enough, you could see...her.

You didn’t realize that you had closed your eyes until they snapped open at the familiar warmth in your chest that was growing by the minute. You hadn’t intended to bond with Steve that night, it sort of just happened, and the damage had been done. At least he had taught you how to feel his presence deep within your chest, a warmth that was always there but had not realized was James...and now Steve too. It was how James always found you every time you took off. You didn’t like that he’d hidden that from you…

You didn’t need to turn around to know that he was there. You could feel him like he was touching you instead of way on the other side of the room. He didn’t say anything, and you got the feeling that James had grown worried, had told him to come find you. After all, it had been a few months since you last saw them. It was how you coped when you couldn’t stand to look at their faces. You could feel Steve’s surprise at finding you here.

“Why did you kill her?” you suddenly wondered, voice quiet.

The rain was loud, words drowned out even more as you were on the balcony, but you knew that he heard you all the same.

“I loved her...and you took her away from me. Why?”

“...because I couldn’t control her,” he eventually responded, equally low voice reaching your ears.

Steve didn’t sound boastful, he didn’t even sound satisfied with himself. In fact, the vampire behind you almost sounded regretful. 

“...and me?”

You blinked, tears skipping down your face as you finally turned to face him. Your eyes met his, and his jaw clenched as he took note of the way your own shined.

“Why did you kill me?”

Steve didn’t answer, and you stumbled towards him.

“Why, Steve? You...you threw me off of that balcony. You took my life into your hands, and you just crushed it! Like it was nothing… You killed me.”

“I know-.”

“You killed me!”

You shoved him, and he let you. He swallowed, reaching for you. It was always so fresh in your mind. Your fear, the cruel smirk on his face, his heartlessness...and then the pain. The way he laughed when you had killed your maid. Mary Jane. So many had died as the result of his own selfish desires...

“I know, I know.”

“You killed me, Steve,” you cried, hitting his chest, his shoulders, his face.

He merely blinked as you slapped him again. You could feel his own regret and his own despair and it made you angrier. It was centuries too late.

“You killed me, you killed me, you killed me,” you repeatedly sobbed, shoving him and shaking him over and over again. “Why?”

You fisted your hands into his shirt, yanking him.

“Why did you kill me, Steve? Why...why did you do that to me?” you shakily mumbled, lips trembling.

Steve pressed his hand into the back of your head, the other at the small of your back, and you fought against him.

“You were going to leave us,” he reluctantly said. “You were going to leave me…”

You didn’t meet his eyes as he pressed his forehead to yours.

“My feelings then may have been just as complicated as they are now, but I only knew that I couldn't let you leave,” he confessed.

You shook your head, a sob caught in your throat.

“You would have tried again...and you would have succeeded,” he breathed.

He was right. You both knew that he was right, and you would have tried again. After all, at the time, you thought it was your only way to get away from him. Steve’s lips sought out yours, and you turned your head away. His regret threatened to suffocate you.

“I’m sorry,” he exhaled.

You shook your head again, turning away every time he reached for your face.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he whispered, lips finding yours.

Your back hit the wall, and you could feel his own lips trembling against yours. Your salty tears mixed in with the kiss, and you cried harder at your despair, his regret, and your inability to change the past.

“Forgive me,” he pleaded into your mouth.

“No,” you whispered back.

His lips traveled to your jaw and then your neck before kissing the fabric of your dress as Steve fell to his knees, begging for your forgiveness every step of the way.

“Forgive me, forgive me,” he chanted.

Your hands tangled in his hair as he fiercely kissed your stomach, pressing his face into your dress as he continued to beg for your forgiveness. You never thought you’d see the day where Steve would be on his knees, begging you to forgive him. After all, once upon a time, he’d told you that your forgiveness was not what he sought...and once upon a time, you said you’d never give it.

As your fingers tightened in his hair, you thought to yourself that perhaps you could forgive him. You could feel his remorse, feel how what he’d done had been eating at him. It had been doing so for quite some time, but you’d always tried to ignore it. You never thought a day would come where you’d even consider forgiving him for making your life hell, killing Peggy...killing you, but as his pleas reached your ears, you were tempted to give in. Maybe you would forgive him some day…

In one quick movement, you’d snapped Steve’s neck, and he heavily fell at your feet. You stood against the wall, trembling and crying. Your fingers shook, and in all the years you’d done that whenever Steve made you incredibly angry, for the first time ever, it did not bring you joy. 

Maybe you would forgive Steve someday...but today was not that day.

Your watchful eyes followed the children as they ran across the street. Despite their ratty clothing and dirty faces, bright smiles adorned their lips as they laughed and played with one another. The owner of the orphanage, a kind and homely woman, ushered them along. You caught her eye and she waved. You returned it with a smile, James and Steve hardly paying you mind as they conversed about their investments. 

You had more money than you could ever dream of, so you donated to the orphanage often. The children who always lived there always looked their best now, but you could see that these kids were new. You watched the way they played amongst each other, running around Ms. Jane, their giggles reaching your ears as she fought to settle them down.

“My love?”

You were pulled from the scene at the sound of James’ voice. His brows were furrowed, and he looked concerned.

“Are you alright…?”

You nodded at him.

“Of course.”

It wasn’t entirely a lie, but it wasn’t entirely true either. You were certain that James could feel that, and that was probably why his face briefly pinched before it smoothed out. He reached past Steve to brush a finger over your cheek, a small smile on his lips just before he turned away. You quickly glanced at the children again before tightening your hold on Steve’s arm.

“Steve…”

You glanced to him just as he turned to look at you, raising an eyebrow.

“Can vampires procreate?”

You didn’t like to ask James these things. He had a habit of withholding information from you or even just downright sugarcoating things. You could feel his eyes on you, and you ignored his gaze as you waited for Steve to answer. He threw you a strained smile.

“No...but we sure love to try,” he joked, and you reluctantly chuckled.

You looked away from him, and he brushed a finger over the back of your hand.

“Why do you ask?”

Your eyes strayed to the laughing children again, and you shrugged.

“Just curious, I guess…”

You could feel their concern, but you ignored it, and days later, the conversation was forgotten altogether. But every now and then, you thought about those children, about where they lived. Despite the fact that you’d put a lot of money into the place, they still deserved a proper home. 

Steve and James were gone when you left. It was late, and they were meeting with shady businessmen, no doubt. Times were different. It was the 1910’s, an age of cars and alcohol and money, and every man wanted to do business with the elusive Steve Rogers and James Barnes. You smirked to yourself, thinking on how everyone thought them to be descendants of royal blood, unaware that they were indeed the original royal blood everyone thought them to be related to.

The night was cold, not that you could tell, but the frost on the windows and the shivers from the men that you passed told you so. You ignored the strange looks they gave you, a woman such as yourself out so late by your lonesome? That was one thing that hadn’t changed in the years to come. The orphanage was in a better part of town, away from the seedy bar and brothel, no predatory and violent men around to disturb the peace of the children.

You could hear a horse and carriage far off in the distance as you stared up at the building. All of the windows were covered with curtains, and when you listened closely, you could hear the calm and even heartbeats of all the children inside. All except one. You frowned when the door opened and a little boy stood in the open doorway with an empty pail. His eyes widened at the sight of you before a smile eventually graced his lips.

“H-hello,” he hesitantly stuttered. 

You stared at him for a long while, blinking at him before eventually squatting to meet him at eye level. He couldn’t have been any older than seven.

“Hi,” you breathed. “What are you doing up so late?”

If he was frightened by your sharp teeth, he did not show it. His heart didn’t even stutter. He held up the bucket with a shrug.

“I wanted to get some water for in the morning, so that Ms. Jane wouldn’t have to,” he told you.

You let out a light laugh.

“That is so sweet. What is your name?”

“Billy…”

You quietly repeated it to yourself, and you stared at him, your heart already making your next decision for you before your mind could catch up. You slowly stood, extending your hand towards him with an inviting smile.

“Are you hungry, Billy?”

You got the feeling that he was going to protest, but his stomach told on him before he got the chance.

“Yes, ma’am,” he said with a nod, looking sheepish.

Your smile widened, and your heart soared when he stumbled towards you, placing his smaller hand in yours. As you walked him back to the house, he told you of how Ms. Jane did the best she could with the donations, but the orphanage was filling up with more and more kids each year. He was fairly new, only having been there for all of three months. He marveled at your mansion, brown eyes alight with wonder.

He was well behaved, waiting patiently while you fixed him something to eat. You were happy that he was comfortable with you, talking your ear off the entire time. You made sure to fix him a hearty soup, filled with vegetables and plenty of meat. He didn’t seem to mind as you studied him, far too engrossed in the food before him. 

You hadn’t realized how much time had passed.

“Y/N.”

Startled, you turned, looking up to find James and Steve standing in the entryway to the living room. Billy and you were on the floor, the fire lit to keep him warm, and you hurriedly stood. James hardly ever called you by your name, and you did not need to look within yourself to know that he was angry. It was written all over his face.

“Is that your name?” Billy asked you.

You turned to him with a strained smile and nod.

“You stay right here, okay?”

You ruffled his hair, and he smiled at you with an obedient nod. You swallowed as you turned to approach James and Steve, not missing the way James’ eyes never left you. You could feel their worry, and that confused you.

“What have you done?” James demanded, and you flinched at his tone.

“I…”

You gestured to Billy.

“There are so many children in the orphanage, so I-.”

“So you brought him here? To a house full of vampires?”

He talked to you like you were stupid, and you looked to Steve for help, but his own face was pinched with worry, blue eyes flickering between you and the boy.

“We can raise him,” you quietly said. “He’ll never have to want for anything-.”

“No,” James snapped.

“James-.”

“You could have killed him. Exposed all of us,” he argued. “What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that he could be ours,” you weakly replied, hating the way your voice trembled.

James’ eyes softened, shoulders sagging as he heaved a sigh. You looked to Steve, the blond the more open minded of the two, eyes pleading as you reached for him.

“Steve…? Tell him, Steve,” you said, pushing yourself against him. “Let me keep him.”

Steve’s eyes landed on James, the dark-haired man almost daring Steve to say something.

“Let’s just think about it-.”

“Absolutely not. We’ll be lucky if no one has already noticed his absence…”

“No,” you breathed. “James, no.”

“I’m taking him back. Now,” he hissed, brushing past you.

“No,” you cried, standing in his way. “I hardly ask you for anything.”

James’ eyes widened at your uncharacteristic behavior, and you clutched his shirt.

“...and I should. I should ask you for the world. I deserve it! I can take care of him, James.”

Your voice was small, and James gave you a regretful look before glancing away.

“Let me have this one thing,” you softly begged.

James was quiet, so was Steve, and the only sound was that of Billy finishing his food. James clenched his jaw, nostrils flaring before finally speaking.

“Steve.”

You fought in Steve’s hold as he grabbed you, holding you back as James approached Billy. You screamed as he stared into the boy’s eyes, Billy falling asleep only moments later, James catching him with ease.

“Fuck you, James,” you spat as he passed you. “Fuck you!”

You could feel the pain that your words caused, but you didn’t care. You turned to press your face into Steve’s chest as the door slammed shut, collapsing in his arms. He tightened his arms around you, shushing you as sobs wracked your frame.

“You could have killed him.”

“I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t have done that-.”

“You don’t know that,” he said. “You’re still fairly young. You could have easily killed him, and then what?”

You shoved yourself away from Steve, wrapping your arms around yourself as you sniffed.

“You did this to me,” you mumbled.

It was an old argument. You and Steve were in a far better place than what you used to be, but you were still so far from where you could be. You looked to him, eyes hard and lip curling over your teeth.

“I wanted kids. I always wanted kids, and you took that away from me…”

Steve sighed, looking down.

“I want to blame you...but the truth is...a part of me hates James too,” you confessed.

“Y/N-.”

“...because the truth is...that life was gone the moment James decided that I was to be his.”

Steve reached for you, but you stepped away. Your eyes briefly fluttered close, a soft scoff escaping your lips.

“It’s not fair,” you whispered, shaking your head. “It’s not fair.”

You flurried past him, slamming your shoulder into his as you passed by.

Steve’s hold was almost bruising on your hips, his own pushing up into yours over and over again with every thrust. You dug your nails into his chest, head thrown back to accommodate for James, his lips tasting the skin of your neck and shoulder. Your lashes fluttered as you clenched around Steve, and James’ nails pressed into your skin.

“I don’t like that he touched you,” he murmured against your skin.

You sighed when Steve wrapped his lips around a hardened bud.

“It was a means to an end…”

James hummed, Steve far too preoccupied with the way his cock slid in and out of you.

“...and if I had to seduce some other woman as a means to an end?” he wondered.

His tone was teasing, and you all knew he wasn’t serious, but you froze anyway, turning your head to stare into his eyes. Your own hardened considerably, and James chuckled at the fire in your eyes.

“A bit of a double standard, no?”

“James,” Steve dragged out, frustrated that you’d stopped moving. “Why must you choose now of all times to upset her?”

“It was a simple question,” the dark-haired man said with a shrug.

“The day you seduce someone else, a means to an end or not, is the day I finally drive a stake through your heart,” you calmly told him.

James smirked, brushing his lips over yours.

“Come now, my love. I was only teasing…”

With a devious smile of your own, you twisted your hand into his hair, thankful that he’d never cut it too short, before forcing him onto his back beside Steve. You dragged your nails along his chest, drawing blood and taking great satisfaction in the way he’d hissed. You moved your hips over Steve’s as you leaned over to glide your tongue over his skin, James moaning at the feel. Your teeth ached, the desire to sink your teeth into him strong. Your lips moved against his heaving chest as you spoke.

“I don’t joke about what’s mine.”

.

~

tags:  @mcudarklibrary @harryspet @xoxabs88xox @darkficreposter @opheliadawnwalker3 @honeychicanawrites @honeychicana @nickyl316h @captainchrisstan @sebabestianstan101 @readermia @villanellevi @lokislastlove @notyourtypicalrose @coconutqueen21 @hurricanerin @buckybarnesplumwhore @quaksonhehe @nerdygirl8203 @patzammit @mandiiblanche @cocoamoonmalfoy @mrsdeanwinchester19 @ahoemine @9daykrisr​

[spiderling-space]

Hey so this thought has been on my mind for like ages and I think that you'd be able to write a headcanon about it in a wonderful way, so I'm presenting this idea to you hehe ( I love ur blog so so so much btw!)

So let's say that whatever miracles of seven happened, that Yuu overblots. Being constantly pushed around by other students by being magicless, solving the idiot trio's problems, trying to survive overblots and dealing with Crowley's neglectful ass cheeks sure is not easy. With all the piled and bottled up negative emotions, Yuu like the previous boys, overblots. Yuu wasn't that hard to defeat cuz you know, they're magicless, but the twst boys did struggle and Yuu's quite the challenge too. So what if, after Yuu's overblot, they had a full on mental breakdown. Not like crying mental breakdown, they're full on SCREAMING, their voice are cracking too, and very painful to hear. They started to unconsciously harm themselves so they have to be tied down to prevent to hurt themselves further. How would the dormleaders react to that?

(Sorry for my English and if I ever break a rule, it's OK if you decide to not do this too. Btw I got this idea when I watch ATLA aka Aang the last airbender, for reference of the breakdown of Yuu just search "Azula's breakdown" that practically how their breakdown looked like :D)

I cant write headcanons because you basically wrote everything. I will just make comments and additions to this. first I mention the background, secondly Azula’s breakdown so non ATLA watchers can understand a little and lastly, MC having breakdown like Azula. For the record, I could write about ATLA for pages since it is something I love since 2005. LOL This became a bit meta xd

You can join the discord server here 😉🤣

Firstly, the back ground:

I was 7 years old when ATLA started airing. I’d be excited to get back home to watch ATLA after school. Azula’s breakdown was awful back then when I first watch it as a kid. And of course, when they aired the episodes again and again. I rewatched again because I remembered the show being dope when I was in 12th grade which was stress relief while studying for university exams, and then I rewatched last year and even founded a Zutara server. Now I’m getting back to the point. In the last two rewatching, I saw Azula in a different light and her breakdown at the end of the show was understandable. I can recommend some ATLA meta that you might like. 

Secondly, Azula’s breakdown: 

Azula lost everything. In the flashbacks, you saw she was getting along with Zuko, laughing and playing tag until Ozai’s influence on her grew while Ursa showed more affection towards Zuko since Ozai basically hated Zuko. These two triggered each other and it grew like snowball effect which came to the point that Ozai-Azula and Ursa-Zuko. She didn’t get love from Ozai, she was just a puppet, someone to empower him more, not his daughter meanwhile to Ursa, she was a monster. Azula was 8 years old  Ursa disappeared. Imagine how this would affect the child. After this, she had estranged brother that she was jealous of because of Ursa’s love, a father who manipulated her, and an uncle who was too in pain to do anything and he was more focused on Zuko. She only had Mai and Ty Lee as “friends” but it was toxic and Azula used fear to control them. After Zuko got banished, Mai and Ty Lee went to their own places, leaving Azula alone with Ozai. Just when Zuko got back, she was being like the last times, cruel teasing, Mai and Ty Lee with her. Later, Zuko went away and probably got lectured by Ozai for her lie. Mai and Ty Lee stood against her. In the end, she had no one. Ozai didn’t want her with him either because he only wants power. Being alone drew her to the edge. In the Royal Hair Washing, the girl sje fired had her face. Her self hatred was palpable. She started to reflect this via Ursa, the mother who thought her as monster and didn’t love her like she did Zuko. I believe she would have had breakdown if she actually killed Zuko. At the end, she couldn’t handle it anymore. Being all alone, not being loved, self hatred and finally failing at something which is something she knows Ozai would never tolerate like he did with Zuko. This 14-year-old wouldn’t be able to handle it anymore and had breakdown.

Now last section, MC having breakdown like Azula’s:

Let’s see the things MC went through:

Stripped away from home

Doesn’t have much memory of it

Is thrusted into a world so foreign to them, where everything is foreign to them. There is no familiar thing that can make them recall home or feel at home

Is forced to study things that they have no prior info where the others have prior info and they are expected to ace the tests. This puts on pressure on regular students, can’t imagine the pressure they would feel since they barely understand the magic.

Is treated like trash by everyone at least once. From the first moment they came to Twisted Wonderland, they were like dirtbag. Dire gave them a house where they could get Hepatitis A to C, tetanus, hypothermia and any other disease. They have lived in that state for months and the house barely got fixed by the end of exams. They got belittled or used by almost all characters at least once. Examples: Vil calling them nobody; Azul trying to take the only thing they have from them, the dorm; Riddle calling them uneducated because not having magical parents; Leona acting like they are a toy in E2; Jamil literally manipulating their choice; sometimes NPC characters talked; Cater making them do his work etc.

They are given more than a person should handle. They are not certificated psychologist, they aren’t superhuman, they don’t have super healing... They are just human but has to fight enemies than can easily kill them if it were not the magic users around them. They are given the task of dealing with the emotional breakdown of the other people.

All of these are building up more and more. Maybe they started to get along with people after the belittlement and being used but every new character does this. At one point, it will be too much and they will think “they are only nice to me because I did a favor to them. If not for that, they wouldn’t be nice to me” which would lead to self doubt. When one starts doubting themselves, everything else starts to go down. Also, new characters treating them that way adds salt to the wound.

MC isn’t a professional psychologist. They can’t handle other people’s issues without taking a toll at themselves. They don’t even catch a break between everything.

Dire is deliberately keeping them away from home as they all do the errands he say. To him, what MC wants doesn’t matter much. The game doesn’t show but if MC has family and friends or pets, you can’t tell me that they wouldn’t miss them once or see, hug them or know their state, alive-dead, healthy-sick etc. 

Lastly not being invincible. The end of Episode 5 shows this well. They couldn’t stand against Grim who isn’t as powerful as the other overblot characters. They are mortal who can get hurt easily.

Now all these build up meanwhile we don’t see an MC centered chapter, how they are etc. It’s all about the others. Maybe there were a few chapters asking if MC is okay after everything but it feels like it is in the second plan. 

Everything that I mentioned can lead to a breakdown like Azula’s. Everything is just too much to handle and they don’t talk with a professional about it. When they finally let out everything, it feels much better, screaming out their lungs, lashing out like all of them did. They are finally letting out all of their emotions, crying and screaming; yet still feels better than bottling everything up. They think maybe that’s how overblot characters felt.

All in all, everyone in NRC needs a counselor.

[sanjoongie]

Love Sick

βPairings: Chanhee(new) x Me 

βGenre: non-idol au, pure smut, ex bf! Chanhee 

βWord count: 1,371

βWarnings: pain kink, praise kink, female penetration, love making, clit rubbing, Chanhee is a bit of a sadist, I'm a masochist, m and f orgasm

βRated: 18+, smut and angst

βSummary~ Chanhee and I broke up because Chanhee can’t help but avoid his emotions. But when he comes to me needing relief, I can’t say no to him

βAuthor’s note: absolutely influenced and lyrics taken from TXT’s lovesong

It was one of his nights that his shields had crumbled. Chanhee was on his knees, between my legs and hugging my waist. He clung to my sweater, tears streaming down his face, his lower teeth showing as he sobbed into my chest.

"Say you love me, please!"

I pat Chanhee's head awkwardly. Of course I loved him. But we were broken up and for good reason. "I can't, you know that."

"No, I need just someone to be in love with me right now, you don't understand!" He persisted.

"Chanhee…"

"I promised I'd love you until the end of the world," Chanhee hiccupped, his raging subsiding.

"You did your best, sweetheart," I assured him.

"No I didn't," Chanhee shook his head, "I did my best to push you away. I didn't like how close to my heart you were getting."

I sighed. "There was a time when you let yourself be happy though."

Chanhee lifted his head, eyes welling with tears but they were also dark and full of an emotion I couldn't read. "That's because I was love-sick. All I could focus on was putting everything into us."

"Why does that scare you so much?" I genuinely wanted to know.

"I don't think it's healthy for me to love you the way I do." Chanhee sat himself up, hands bracing himself on my thighs.

"You're just scared to trust in someone fully. I would always catch you when you stumbled and you still doubted me." I brushed his fringe gently out of his eyes.

"I'm a fool," Chanhee declared, gathering my hands within his own.

"You always have been," I said with a bittersweet smile.

"You know I love you though, right?" Chanhee brought my hands to his mouth, kissing the backs of them with affection.

"Of course," I agree readily. I don't know how to end this situation.

"Let me show you how much I love you." Chanhee’s eyes got hooded and he got that thigh-clenching reaction he could get out of me.

"No," I said softly.

"I told you your new hair looks pretty, right?" Chanhee ran his hair through my newly shortened locks.

"Yes, you did, and although I appreciate that, this is not happening."

"Why not?" Chanhee couldn't help but pout.

"Because, we are broken up," I reminded him softly.

"You're single, I'm single, there's no harm in this," Chanhee persisted. "And," he paused to purr, "I know everyone of your kinks and ticks."

"Chanhee, even if you could promise me the best lay in months--"

Suddenly my back was on the couch and Chanhee was hovering over me. "If I'm so addicting, use me like a drug," he smirked before dipping down for a kiss. His lips were light but lingering. It made me shiver from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.

I couldn't stop my hands from digging into his hair, nails scraping against his scalp, causing him to moan into my mouth. He deepened the kiss at that moment, tongue searching for my own and I battled him for dominance.

Soon, we were clawing off our clothes or pulling them out of the way. My shirt and bralette were pushed over my boobs so Chanhee could lathe at my nipples. His delicate fingers made half moons into my thighs as he rubbed himself against my clothed core, driving himself mad.

"Wait, stop, this is madness, Chanhee," I gasped.

"I want all of you," he groaned, eyes rolling into the back of his head with pleasure.

"This is so fucking toxic," I cursed. I reached down between us and pushed my underwear to the side. "Hurry up before I change my mind."

The both of us whined together as he slid right in. He pushed his forehead to mine, our noses brushing each other as he sat full hilt inside of me. "Say you love me," he asked again.

I meant to scold him, I really did, but the tears were back and he was smiling happily through them. I knew I couldn't be the reason that he felt like no one loved him today. I couldn't hurt him that deep. "I love you, you stubborn boy."

He laughed through his tears, brushed them away and started to move inside of me. He leaned down to kiss my eyes, my nose, my cheeks, my lips, moving down my jaw to my neck and then my collarbones. Chanhee was making love to my body in many ways.

I grabbed Chanhee’s face to get him to focus on me. "But you better start loving yourself, otherwise my love will mean nothing."

Chanhee couldn't hold my gaze. I let go of his head and he fell into the crook of my neck. "If you love me, it must be worth a shot," he admitted out loud.

"Now, please go faster," I urged him, rocking my hip upwards to meet his.

Chanhee bit his lip, looking naughty while peering up through his fringe. He stuck his tongue out flat, drew the pad of his thumb down his tongue and then grinded it down on my sensitive clit. The sensation was almost too much for me. My spine bowed and my legs locked behind his waist. “Tell me how much you need me,” He rasped.

“God, Chanhee!” I cried out.

The sadist in him bid him to drive in and out of me, slowly and at a torturous pace. In contrast, his thumb was merciless against my clit. The different treatments were driving me insane with need and desire. “You’re the only one who can do this to me,” I started to gasp, “You push and pull me and it drives me up the wall but I still want more.” I grabbed the back of Chanhee’s neck, lifting my upper body close to his so that we were a breath away from kissing. He cried out, scrunching his nose and panting with the effort it took to be pacing himself. “I need you so fucking badly, Choi Chanhee.”

Chanhee reacted like I had just plunged his heart back into his chest. He rocked back visibly and then he let loose. He started rolling his body against mine, watching as he plunged his cock into me again and again. I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore, I needed to just let my orgasm take me away. Chanhee took this opportunity to smash his lips down on mine, groaning in between breaths. “Just a little bit more,” He started to chant before I came and his was soon to follow. Mine ripped through me, not sure if it came from the stimulation on my clit or from Chanhee fucking me. Chanhee whined through his. His hips stopped rocking and the pressure on my clit was removed.

I let go of the back of his neck with a painful groan and went back to lying on my back. “Why am I such a loser in this game?”

“What game?” Chanhee wondered.

I cracked my eyes open. Chanhee was covered in sweat and tears. I couldn’t tell what had wet his hair down but he was blinking desperately to get his hair out of his eyes. He looked debauched and glorious. Was he the fool, or was it me, the one denying myself when clearly all he wanted was me, he had even said it this time.

“The game of love, silly,” I said, bopping his nose.

Chanhee lowered his eyes again, uncertain after the passion had drained away. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done this to you. Again.”

“Sweetheart,” I pushed his hair out of his eyes for him, “Why don’t you stay the night?

That stopped Chanhee’s self-destruction mode in its tracks. “What?”

“Clearly something’s upset you. I don’t know what you needed to run away from or why you thought it was good to come to me, but you’re here now. Why don’t you rest? You know I still have some of your sweaters. You can--”

I didn’t get to finish the rest of my peace offering. Chanhee hugged me tightly. His tears were coming again but I didn’t acknowledge them this time. These were happy tears. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

[blackrosesandwhump]

Whump Prompts Collection

Tag me if any of these inspire you! I'd love to read the result. :)

Asphyxia/suffocation:

Whumpee joins an exploration mission that’s being sent into a place where the air is toxic, so he has to wear some kind of breathing gear; the environment and discomfort cause him to lose his mind and rip the gear off, exposing him to the toxic air and damaging the equipment. The others on the mission have to make an awful decision on who to save.

Denied air, then forced to exercise: muzzle your whumpee or otherwise reduce their breathing ability, then force them to exert themselves. For example, whumper could tape whumpee’s mouth shut, then make them run laps until they pass out. Or force them to wear something that reduces their oxygen intake, then do rigorous chores. Imagine a whumpee on their knees, scrubbing the floor as they struggle to breathe, then passing out on the damp floor amid the cleaning supplies. Such a pretty sight for the whumper to behold…

An airless chamber: whumper has a specialized room that’s been sealed to be airtight, perfect for particularly stubborn whumpees, or even just whumpees that are fun to torture. A couple of minutes in that room, and they emerge weak, gasping, willing to submit just so they don’t have to suffer the horror of suffocation again. And then there’s that one whumpee, the one that won’t break no matter how many times they’re shut in that room. Because it’s not what happens to them that will destroy them, but what happens to the people they love…

Claustrophobia:

Whumpee is tossed into a coffin with their crossed arms bound to their chest and their ankles fastened together, then left there for hours in silence. Claustrophobia sets in and whumpee panics and cries out.

Whumpee is confined to a tiny closet and forgotten while whumper is attacked. Whumpee is discovered by the attackers much much later, completely traumatized.

A is injured and needs to have a brain scan. They start to panic at the idea of being enclosed in such a tight space. The only person who can help calm them down is B, and B is not allowed in the room for whatever reason. Then A sees B through the glass and B’s smile and thumbs-up is enough to help them feel better.

Whumpee is forced to wear an iron mask as punishment. The mask can only be unlocked and removed by someone else, so they’re stuck for an entire day (or however long) unable to speak around the bit in their mouth and also short of breath.

Whumper knows about whumpee’s dislike of anything touching his face and forces whumpee to wear a mask that completely hides his face whenever he’s in whumper’s presence. Eventually the mask becomes part of whumpee’s identity.

Curses/magic:

Hero is given the gift of a scarf. What he doesn’t know is that it’s actually a gift from the Villain. He also doesn’t know it’s been cursed and will strangle him when the time comes. It won’t kill him, though—it will keep him just alive enough for Villain to interrogate him.

Hero is chained up in a dungeon. His chains are cursed so that every struggle causes more chains to coil around him. Villain enters the dungeon to find him completely wrapped in chains: around his neck, across his mouth, restricting his chest. Villain is amused and decides to leave Hero like that for a while longer.

Hero’s weapon is cursed so that every use weakens him for a period of time. The more he uses it, the more it weakens him each time and the harder it is for him to recover. Eventually his body begins to fail from how much he’s wielded it, but he won’t rest because he’s too fixated on using his weapon to its fullest potential.

Miscellaneous:

Whumper knows that whumpee is deathly afraid of buzzing insects, so he slathers whumpee in something sticky and sweet and ties him up so he can’t wipe it off. Then he leaves whumpee outside to be tormented by insects until he’s hoarse from screaming.

Whumper ties whumpee up, but not too painfully and not to torture them; no, this time whumper is going to draw all over whumpee’s skin, to let them know who they belong to now. They’ll be whumper’s canvas, whether they like it or not.

Whumper is given a drug that induces hallucinations and is bound to a chair and left in an empty room for hours…whumper returns to find whumpee bloodied from straining to escape and delirious with fear.

Whumper knows that the rescuers are on their way, so he slices whumpee up just enough to cause him lots of pain, then rolls him up in a rug and dumps him in a corner where the rescuers won’t think to look. Whumpee’s only hope is to make enough noise that they investigate.

Alternately, whumper binds whumpee up and gags him so he can’t move or cry out, then tosses him in a corner as above, so that whumpee can only listen as his rescuers pass by without even knowing he’s right there.

Whumpee has been kept underground for as long as he can remember. He’s never seen sunlight, only fire. The earthquake nearly kills him, but he manages to survive. The sunlight on the surface sends searing pain through his entire body, starting with his eyes. He’s blinded, crippled with agony from the overwhelming light. A human voice breaks through the pain: “We finally found you. Welcome to the surface, whumpee!”

Non-human whumpees:

A fae whumpee is exposed to rain that’s been tainted with iron from an iron factory. The water burns his skin like acid. The whumpee has his chemical burns covered with bandages, but the bandages can’t take away the pain…

Sunlight equals torture. Whumpee knows this all too well. After all, he’s a vampire. But whumper has tied him up in a place where the sunlight is intermittent. Every few minutes, the torture stops and his skin can heal a little…but then the sunlight hits him again, and it’s excruciating.

Whumpee squirms as the sun blazes down on them, panicking because they’ll suffocate as soon as the water in the fountain dries up. They need water to breathe. All merfolk do. But whumpee is chained up and can’t escape. Whumper laughs as whumpee tries to get free. “My little fish out of water. I’ll let you go…as soon as you let me harvest your scales.”

Aerosolized poison for inhuman creatures: poison your whumpees with aerosolized versions of the substances that most afflict them. For example, whumper (maybe a hunter in this case) traps the werewolf whumpee in a chamber rigged with canisters of aerosolized wolfsbane. Or whumper could poison a fae whumpee with an iron-based gas. (Not sure how that would work. Just thinking on the spot here.) Imagine the inhuman whumpee trying to survive by wearing breathing protection, then having it ripped off when whumper attacks them.

Weather/environment:

One of whumpee’s regular tasks is to take care of the garden, which they don’t mind, as it allows them to spend hours outside, away from whumper. They dread rainy days because it means they’re stuck in the house with whumper and can’t escape outside. It’s been storming for days and whumper is in a particularly nasty mood, which means that whumpee is about to suffer even more, and they’re already not in good shape…

Caretaker is desperately searching for whumpee in the rain, but whumpee is nowhere to be found. The rain is getting worse and worse and caretaker is about to give up…but then they spot something in the grass. It’s a leg. No, a whole body. Whumpee’s body. Whumpee is unresponsive, their eyes glazed, their skin ashen. Caretaker sees that they’ve just about drowned from exposure to the downpour, and it might be too late…but caretaker is going to save whumpee, no matter what.

Whumpee is locked up in a tower that’s crumbling into ruin. Whenever it rains, the roof leaks and puddles of water form on the floor. They can’t escape the damp and are left to try to protect themselves with whatever they can find in the tower. After a bad storm, whumper comes to get them, only to find that whumpee has gotten dangerously sick from the cold and wet and needs help. But whumper refuses to call a doctor…

Usually prisoners are kept in the dark. This time, whumpee is kept outside in a wooden cage. Their only relief from the sun comes at night…but night is when whumper lets them out to torture them. And every time whumpee is thrown back in the cage, they can’t escape from the heat and light. A cold cloth on their bruises would be heavenly. But they can only dream about it as they wait for nightfall…

Whumpee is barefoot and lost in a pine forest. Cold and exhausted, they can only stumble forward in the dimming light, feet scratched and bleeding from stepping on countless pine needles. And whumpee has nothing except the shirt on their back to bandage their feet…

While hiking alone, whumpee slips and falls down a small cliff, gashing their side on a sharp rock. Exhausted and bleeding, whumpee can only lie in the gathering darkness and hope someone comes looking for them. To distract themselves, they start reciting all the song lyrics they can remember. As they’re slipping into unconsciousness, they hear a strange echo of the song they’re humming. It’s caretaker, blasting the song as they search for whumpee in the dark.

A thunderstorm hits when whumpee doesn’t expect it, when they’re out on a walk to clear their head and don’t have shelter. Lost in the driving rain and hail, whumpee has no choice but to shelter in the first place they find: an abandoned shed. The next morning, caretaker finds their bruised and soaked body in the one place they hoped whumpee would never find.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep 8 (part 1)

“ I hate myself, so much, so intensely, so completely, I wish I just go away, disappear for good, & yet in the end, I always protect myself, instead of taking responsibility, I run away every damn time, like now, I’m too scared to even look at your face”. The real kyo under the layers of trauma.

This quotation is why this ep is not abt romance. Instead it is abt: Extreme self-loath, faulty coping mechanism, self-awareness & inability to make correct decisions due to suicidal thoughts & non-existent self-worth.  

This is a guy who’s literally seen death TWICE at the age of 4 & 15 (his mom & kyoko), is trying to avoid the THIRD (tohru’s) & is questioning why the FOURTH isnt happening (his own death).

-The layers of a broken self: Excellent writing:

I applaud the writer for choosing fitting methods to portray her characters’ own trauma. Yuki “ prince” mask & tohru’s “i’m okay” mask were fitting to hide their trauma & uncover the real personalities. However, since kyo would be the character to hide secrets & carry guilt, the viewers need to feel he’s hiding sth w/o knowing what it is. It was done cleverly to (a) tie the plot together, (b) build kyo’s character, (c) fit the climax, (d) suit his trauma of severe guilt & self-loath. Some of the things he does can fit two genuine layers: Both layers are true:

His initial refusal to open up to tohru in early se01. (Surface layer): he doesn't know how to interact with ppl who accept him as he confessed to shigure, (Deeper layer): he avoided tohru cuz he knew her!

He initially refused to join leisure activities & trips: hot spring & kyoto trip (Surface layer): he didn’t want to go with yuki (Deeper layer) he didnt want to spend time with tohru as he was unconsciously feeling that he’s stealing from her.

It killed him to see her true lonely self behind her fake mask & approached her with advice. se1, ep5 (grandpa house), se1, ep23 (sick tohru), se2, ep 8 (hiro’s remarks) & other instances.  (Surface layer): he was noticing her issues, & genuinely wanted to help her cuz he’s kind (Deeper layer) he was falling in love w/her & unconsciously wanted her to be happy with HIM.

There were times when there was ONE layer, such as: kyoko’s 1st grave visit. He was so off, rigid, unresponsive, & completely shut down. Everybody read him. Yuki, tohru, Arisa & hana. they just don’t know why he behaving like that. his trauma manifested itself deeply that he apologized to tohru in her sleep cuz he was “ too scared to even look at your face”.

- Kyo’s trauma takes physical shape: (Clutching his heart: PAIN, clutching his stomach : DISGUST) :

While confessing to tohru, kyo’s features spoke volumes. You can see disrepair, guilt, broken soul, sadness & surrender. His body reflected his emotions:

wide eyes (disbelief), Cat eyes (utter fear)

trembling body (overwhelmed with toxic emotions)

clutching his fists (anger at self) , opening fists (surrender to darkness)

hand covering face (shame), Hand around neck as he finished confessing abt kyoko & yuki (desire for death: the final judgement)

The most focused physical appearance was his fist clutching his heart: he was in so much pain as he narrated how he loved kyoko & found a friend in her, desired to make her happy, to find tohru for her, how his his mom withered away out of fear of him & how pitiful & sad he felt towards tohru for loving someone like him. It broke his heart to see them all suffer after knowing him. All the love he felt for them squeezed his heart tight, he wanted to pull it & rip it away. Above all, he was sad to loose them all. Sad he can’t be wit them.

Then he clutched his stomach: representing the pure disgust he felt at himself. As he realized that there is no escape from being responsible for their death, as he admitted he illogically blamed yuki, his disgust with himself boiled in his stomach. What kind of disgusting horrible person does that? blame someone illogically? I’m horrible, hateful & utterly undeserving to be forgiven. Being disgusted with one’s own self! oof! it was so well-done with animation!

-Tying Mature Themes with Child Trauma:

Through kyo’s story, there were different mature themes that excellently dictate his behavior, mentality & emotional well-being: Excellent writing!

(1) The desperate need for self-worth: To be good for once!

by constantly destroying his self-worth thro contempt (the sohmas), rejection (his mom), hate (his father), pity (kazuma/ kagura, initially), kyo searched for an outlet to be a worthy human. Someone who deserves to be loved for who he is. He found that in kyoko. It is brilliant that kyo didn’t look for a mom in kyoko. He called her “ old hag”, she told him unflattering facts abt herself “ neglecting her daughter”. she was his first real friend. He found comfort being with her. He wanted to return the intimate feeling he felt deep down, kyo is so hung up on giving as much as taking as it contradicts the notion of pity. The opportunity came! Helping her find her daughter! being someone who does good! Return the daughter & feel worthy of being a true friend, a man (aka a person). “ i’ll help her, I’ll protect her for sure! it’s a man’s promise” The promise in its core is abt kyo wanting to be a person. Not a monster, or a cat. A true real boy. Away from all the toxic past emotions. Being a man: means being a big boy (person) with good achievements! All this shattered when a better boy beats him to it. The boy who was always praised, loved & respected! kyo’s self-worth diminished greatly & all the toxic emotions came back!

(2) The downfall of faulty coping mechanism: Creating a Bad Guy:

I stated before that one of my fave scenes of kyo was in se02, ep23 when kyo lashed out at yuki on the stairs upon seeing the hat & how yuki felt nothing but pity towards kyo as he was stuck in the past while yuki moved on. Brilliant scene that explains why one moved on & the other didn;t. Yuki’s faulty coping mechanism was being withdrawn & shutting himself. This coping mechanism didnt make him feel better at all!!! Also, he doesn’t have regrets nor sins, he dealt with his faulty coping mechanism with tohru’s help & the school council & healed gradually. Forever loving the writer for writing the distinction between kyo & yuki logically without painting any as monster in reality. Kyo couldn’t do as yuki for the following reasons: ( remember the old theme of everybody heals on their own pace? love it )

(a) He was addicted to shifting the blame as it made him feel better abt himself!! he shifted his thoughts from “ I wanna go away for good” “ mom, why didn’t you kill me instead” to “ it’s not my fault at all, it’s yuki” No match between the two feelings! one leads to suicide, the other leads to feeling like a mere victim. The two feelings are wrong tho & He knows that! he isn’t ready to stop the drug. He can’t face himself. “ the bad guy, if he isn’t as awful as you think, who you’re left to blame”.

(b) nothing around him can make him feel better. Tohru? but she’s kyoko’s daughter! she’s a lonely orphan, carrying her mommy’s pic taking to it! why? cuz you didn't save her! Loving tohru? is good & I wish we can run away far & be together always! wake up! why would she wanna be with a disgusting monster like you?!! You dont deserve her! you who caused his mom to die, caused her mom to die, blamed an innocent guy! Yuki? yeah, look at yuki, you can never be like him, watch as his true kindness gets noticed by tohru, the school & everybody!! he’s everything you cant be!! he should be with tohru! not you!! Master kazuma? poor guy! you brought him nothing but misery! you see his sad smile, don’t you? he’s disappoint in you. Kagura? she pities you!

(b) Kyo can’t fix his mistakes. kyo watched as yuki got back with his brother, befriended haru again, goes back to the sohma estate for the holidays. he feels he cant have similar reweds as he cant bring the things he needed. his mom, kyoko, his bio dad’s affection, kazuma’s pride in him, tohru’s love & his own satisfaction at himself. kyo just hates kyo “so much, so intensely, so completely”

(c) his fault coping mechanism mirrors his dad’s. Kids pick up toxic habits from parents all the time. Even his suicidal thoughts mirrors his mom’s! brilliant writing!

3- running away from responsibilities: perfectly constructed theme!

Who didn’t? I’m guilty! ugh! one of the best themes in furuba hands down! Any other writer would have made kyo do it once, or twice & have him face it in climax & then deal with it. but NOT takaya-san! She excellently took her time with kyo repeating this exact mistakes over & over to better portray the theme & take it out from the boundaries of story-telling to realistic depiction & logical gradual progression:

kyo ran away from being accused of killing his mom (he’s completely innocent & isn’t responsible for his birth’s deformity/curse nor his mom’s suicide)

kyo ran away from accepting kyoko’s words that yuki isnt bad & most importantly that kyo is good. He had found relief in blaming yuki, now you wanna tell me I should look into myself? I’m bad! i dont wanna look. your words are weird “ no bad or good”  Everybody says otherwise, the sohmas, dad & mom! kyo angrily ran away (completely guilty but excused as child would be).

kyo ran away from facing kyoko’s body & wanted to punish himself with death. Depression took over him as “ master tried to get me to keep living”. (completely guilty in his own eyes, if only he tried to safe her, even if he transformed, Even if she still died regardless!!! he hates himself for choosing the disgusting kyo over the kind kyoko)

kyo ran away from telling tohru the truth upon seeing her, pretended not to know her, slowly dying each time she smiles, slowly falling in love & wishing for a chance with her, a chance he believes doesn't deserve.

Kyo ran away in se01, ep14 when remembering the accident as shigure  triggered him. Tohru consoled him & he lost the chance to come clean.

kyo is running away now. Unable to face her “ too scared to even look at your face”. “ I cant forgive me! I dont want you to fogive me either”

So, after running away the first time, kyo should’ve learned better, right? now in the climax, he shouldn’t  have run away? Yes, he should. cuz simply, he isnt ready. We dont learn from our mistakes cuz someone told us. we learn when we fix the core issue. A guy who thinks he deserves a chance in life would stand tall, confess his sins, argues, talks, tells the story unbiased,  then waits for verdict. kyo thinks he doesn’t deserve to be alive, thus, tells the story with server bias towards judging himself as unworthy. HE decided the verdict & didnt wait for tohru: “ I cant forgive ME! I dont want you to forgive me either” That’s why toru’s words fall flat. “ why cant you see the truth: I love you” he can’t tohru!! cuz right now it is NOT abt love. It is abt trauma!

4- Sever guilt & desire for disappearance (death):

As adults our mistakes loom over us & we’re constantly reminded of the “ what if I had acted differently”. This ties with kyo witnessing his mom’s horrible death at 4 years old. Death in itself is scary. A loved ones death is devastating. Watching it unfold in shocking unprepared way is destructive. kyo was destroyed. Not enough: he gotta carry the guilt as his dad & the sohma hammer the accusations. He gets another chance & loves another person. Only to watch the blood splash reach his shoes. “Guilty” whispers the past. “Guilty” confirms the present. He stands in front of the most precious person to him. Now what? If tohru forgives you, the pain goes away???? You wouldn’t repeat the ultimate mistake of killing her, would you? you ominous creature. Her mom warned you. The nightmare stands hovering over kyo’s head, waiting to come true. IT WILL COME TRUE!!! OMG!!!

if Akito does it. It wouldn’t be kyo’s fault, right?  If the car hit kyoko, it’s not my fault, right? if my mom did it herself, it wouldn’t be my fault, right?

But if only kyo didnt ran away, tohru would be alive. If only I pulled kyoko, she wouldn’t have died. If only I wasn’t born, mom wouldn't have killed herself.

The “ if only “ that killed kyo’s mom as she lamented “ if only I gave birth to the rat” will eventually destroy kyo! ugh!!! AMAZING WRITING!!!

5- The Right Time to Heal (self-desire or outside help?):

When yuki was trapped in Akito’s room, haru visited to help. did yuki accept it? NO. yuki didnt even remember much of it. Why? cuz it wasn’t the right time & yuki was too deep into darkness to notice, to accept & to change. It wasnt until he was out, in co-ed school, rebelling against akito, when tohru came, he accepted her, then it lead him to accept School Council & haru. Tohru had Arisa & hana, but never went to them in her darkest moment, hiding she was living in a tent, they were hurt & confronted her, still she kept hiding her fears, sadness & darkest thoughts, interfering in Arisa’s life to provide help, but never allowing them to interfere, until kyo came & broke her mask, she started to complain, talk, show true emotions & want things! She opened up to Isuzu, too. Arisa & hana weren’t the right ppl at the right time for tohru to heal. Kyo had kazuma to teach him better, kyoko to make him notice his mistakes, tohru to love him unconditionally, the right ppl, but all that was in the wrong time cuz he’s in his darkest moment now like yuki was, unable to see or accept. Healing requires self-desire & outside help, but it gotta be in the right moment, when you can see beyond the abyss & into the faint light of dawn. That’s when words will reach the heart. Kyo need to fall so hard, in order to stand up again. Today, he unloaded his burden, threw up the disgust he felt towards himself, spewed all the hate against the real bad guy: himself! Kyo is kyo’s bad guy, has always been. He needs to let go of hating himself & accept the kind gentle kyo that kyoko & tohru saw ~

Side Notes:

This ep is why furuba wins & deserves 20 years of recognition among manga-readers! this story is real! it is NO sweet fairy tale of two lovers. It is abt one’s self & desire to live. All of them struggle with  this particular desire: kyo, tohru, yuki & the rest.

kid kyo was looking for young tohru all night! T_T

this ep of kyo confessing/ narrating his past , reminded me of yuki’s 3 eps of him confessing/ narrating his past!!! ugh! I wish tohru had that! ahhhh.

The 4 months in the mountains weren’t training!!!!! they were depression & suicidal thoughts! ouch!!

Perspectives are what dictate our feelings: Through yuki’s eyes, kyo was so happy with a loving father, friends around him & a house outside the sohmas. Thus, yuki envied him & wished to die not knowing kyo was living in trauma & feeling utter contempt & self-loath. Through kyo’s eyes, yuki was so happy with a living loving family, friends around him & a house with respect. Thus, kyo envied him & wished to die Not knowing that yuki was suffering abuse & neglect!

I love the pacing of this ep!!! It gives room to feel pain & understand the situation!!! I didn’t feel the headache of the bullet train!! THANK GOD!!! SO SATISFIED!!! I was invested all the time!

kyoko’s “ I’ll never forgive you” really destroyed kyo & went beyond it to destroy her own daughter! AAAAAAHHHH ~ T_T

I have some issues with the “ I forgot” part. It makes no sense that they make him forget the accident only to do the cheap cliff hanger in ep 6, then lazily weave it into his confession to tohru in ep. 8. He always remembered the accident. Apologized to tohru in her sleep in se01. ep14 for that exact accident, Then in se02, ep 9. It was ALWAYS in his mind! ALWAYS. Sorry Mr. Director. very lame try. lol.

The only thing I didn’t like is the music! very weird choices throughout the ep! especially at the end. Why a happy music over kyo’s “ I’m disappointed in you? lol!! its sad & tragic?! weird!!!!

I will talk abt Tohru will be in part 2. (her choice, kyo’s answer to her & the need to let go of her mom, the sohmas & of... kyo.

[fruitblushe]

Baby, You’re dangerous (I’m Loving it) - Chapter one

Penny gets stuck in an abusive relationship. she tries validating Harry's actions, but when it becomes too much she finally breaks and calls the one person she hadn't talked to in years.

Tony Stark. ___________________

 Title from 'Toxic' by Britney Spears, notes at the bottom

Trigger warnings: Non-graphic sexual assault, Abuse  ___________________

Words: 1749 Characters: 9496 Characters excluding spaces: 7777 ____________________

Cross posted on Ao3

Penny sat on the couch of her and Harry's penthouse. It was late- just around 7 PM- but she was used to him not warning her about late nights and causing her to worry. She hated it when he came home smelling of booze and perfume. It assaulted her nose when he tried kissing her (not like she could push him away; she learned that the hard way). Swiping her tongue over her chapped lips, Penny looked around, gaze settling on the Manhattan skyline. Sighing, Penny uncurled herself, untangling herself from her sheets. 

Standing up slowly, she walked towards the window, stretching her aching joints. She rested her forehead against the cold glass, tears brimming at her eyes. She took a shaky breath, trying to prevent a panic attack.

The sound of the door being thrust open made Penny's head turn, almost giving herself whiplash.

Trying to calm her now racing heart, she started to squeeze her hands into tight fists. Her sharp nails broke the skin, grounding her as heavy footfalls grew closer and closer. “Hello, dear”. The words were kind but the tone was cold and detached as always.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and looked up at him, trying to convince herself that this Harry Osborn was the same Harry she fell in love with all those years ago. She thought about his beautiful blue eyes and soft words, trying and failing to look normal. He never liked it when she acted out or showed emotions unless they were happy for him or he caused them. It made her stomach twist, the fact that he liked being in control so much. (Shows just how much you know about a person). Ever since he took over Oscorp, he started drinking. It never bothered her too much. She definitely doesn't cry every time she smells the alcohol on him, knowing he’ll force himself on her at some point.

“Hi, Harry” she replies quietly, her gaze returning to the ground. “Are you hungry?” Penny never knew if he wanted food or if he needed a fix.

“No, I would like a drink though,” he asks (read: demands). She nods, quickly walking to the kitchen and opening the fridge, her eyes searching it for a Mike’s Hard Lemonade. Finding the drink, Penny opens it with a pop, her jaw clenching. She walks over to Harry who was now seated in his business slacks and a button-up, looking like the Harry she loved (if it wasn't for his eyes burning with lust and not love). His eyes followed her ass, his lips pursed.

When she handed him the drink, his fingers squeezed hers for a moment, making her breath catch in her throat and the tears reappear.

“Go take a shower and get into bed”, Harry demanded, nodding towards the bedroom door. She murmured a hushed "yes sir", and began turning and walking towards their bedroom. Silently opening the door, she avoided looking at all the expensive decor, quickly grabbing her phone and

hurrying to the bathroom. She turned the shower on, making it seem like she was showering, and clicked the power button on her phone. Penny went to contacts and entered Tony’s number, but instead of clicking the call button she just stared at it. She’d done this a few times- either looking at her aunt's or Tony's number- but had never worked up the courage to call. They probably hated her anyway. Can’t blame them though, she hates herself too. She clicked her phone off, sobs bubbling in her throat.

After putting her phone on the sink, she tore her clothes off and stepped into the shower. The simmering water turned her skin red and irritated right away, but she could barely feel it with all her focus being on trying to breathe properly while shaking with sobs. Sliding down the tile wall, Penny covers her mouth with her hand, black spots dancing in her vision from the lack of oxygen.

She really was trying to calm down, honest, but she just couldn't get her breathing under control and she just wanted someone to hold her again with love and care, not roughness. It hurt, god it hurt so bad to think about her old life.

Looking around quickly, she bit her now fisted hand, focusing on the pain of it. The hot water  grounded her, allowing her to calm herself enough to finish showering. 

Stepping out of the shower into the steamy room, Penny walked over to the sink only to realize she forgot her clothes. Starting to panic once again, she wrapped a towel tightly around herself. She really did not want to go out there naked. Using her super-hearing, she listened, breathing a sigh of relief when she heard the TV in the living room turn on. Penny opened the door and quietly ran to her dresser, pulling out the needed items quickly and slipping them on. After she finished, she walked over to their bed and slipped in under the duvet, even though she knew she wouldn't be sleeping. 

***

She didn’t know how long she had laid there, unmoving. Her guess would be an hour or two, definitely enough time for Harry to get dangerously intoxicated, considering he was stumbling into their room.

Her breath caught in her throat as he got closer. She curled up even tighter, mentally preparing herself. Do what he says, submit, it’ll end sooner, her brain supplied as her husband undressed, his eyes burning with lust eyes roaming her body as if she were already undressed like he could see right through her clothes.

Harry growled, “Clothes off, now”. It was demanding, harsh, not sounding like he was drunk off his ass at all.

Penny jumped out of bed, shaking so hard she could barely grab the waist of her silk bottoms as she pulled them down. Penny looked at Harry’s face before looking away, for all she saw was lips stretched into an evil grin, his pupils blown wide, his blue irises barely visible. 

Once Penny was undressed, she covered herself as best she could, but Harry did not like that at all. He demanded she moves her arms which she (albeit hesitantly) complied with. All she could focus on, however, was his eyes. They reminded her of how a tiger would look at its prey, his smile more like a snarl as he stared at her chest.

She gulped as he walked closer to her, his hands roaming her body as she tried detaching from reality. 

For the next hour, (minutes? She couldn't tell), all she felt was hot pain and filthy words being spoken in her ear. Tears were streaming down her face leaving salty tracks in their wake. She breathed in and out, repeating the mantra: Inhale, exhale, keep going, Penny.

No matter how badly she wanted to push him off, Penny knew she deserved it so she focused on the way the silk sheets on her bareback, the way her hair plastered to her face with the sweat that lies there in drops, the clock on the wall that for some reason doesn't work right, anything but what was happening to her. She held in her sobs as Harry licked and sucked on her body till it was red.

*** 

Penny stared at the wall, her body sore and red from the abuse it endured (again). The warm body of the man who did it was beside her, his skin on hers. He slept peacefully while she didn't even close her eyes (because Penny knew if she closed her eyes she’d have flashbacks and nightmares, anything her mind could conjure up to torture her).

She only let herself sleep once her eyes couldn't stay open anymore.

***

The next morning (well, afternoon), Penny got up, her enhanced healing having already healed her tears and raw skin. She looked brand new, just the way Harry liked.

Flipping the egg more forcefully then necessary, Penny inhaled a shaky breath. Her arms wrapping around her abdomen trying to comfort herself tears springing to her eyes but she refused to let them burn, trying to keep control, it was the only thing she had left. Control. Of herself and her emotions, because Harry controls everything else and it’s fine really she’s lived like this for years. and Harry loved her, she knew that he was just a little rough but it was fine, she loved him and he loved her. That was all that mattered. 

The smoke alarm is what brought her out of her head. Penny freezes for a second before jumping into action taking the now incinerated egg off of the stove fanning the smoke away from her, scrunching her nose up in disgust when the smoke entered her lungs. Grabbing the pan she runs over to the sink the water immediately stopping the egg from burning further. Taking a deep breath Penny runs a hand through her hair. a laugh bubbling in her throat, she didn’t know why she was laughing, but it felt nice. Giggling to herself Penny rubs her eyes with her palm swiping her tongue over her lips. She walks over to the couch a ghost of a smile adorning her lips as she thinks of the memories she’s had with Harry on that very seat. watching movies, making love, and just sitting in silence together. That’s why she stays wishing, hoping that Harry comes back and is the same man she used to know. The same man she fell in love with.

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Penny bites the inside of her lip pulling out her phone from her pocket Tony springing to her mind, why? She doesn’t know. He hates her anyway and has his own family with an actual biological daughter, not just some orphan from queens he decides to scoop up and then drop again, well she shouldn’t say that he’s done so much she’s the one who left.

Clicking contacts she goes to the keypad the buttons taunting her, she could call him, it would be so easy. So so easy to and talk to Tony but she couldn’t she wouldn’t. Throwing her phone on the couch Penny clenches her jaw looking up at the clock that adorned the wall, it read 1:24 PM, which means Harry wouldn’t be home for another five (5) or so hours. 

Penny wraps her arms around herself again, loneliness creeping in as it did so often. 

Will she ever be able to escape?

**Yes yes scene break hi**

The brunette decides to go out, go shopping or just walk anything but stay cooped up, so with a final deep breath Penny slipped on her shoes and coat grabbing her keys and phone exiting the penthouse and locking the door entering the elevator that was only a few steps away clicking the bottom floor.

***

When the elevator finally opened (It was probably only a few seconds, but time didn’t register with her) Penny steps out hesitantly, will Harry get mad? Too late now, anyway, nodding at the receptionist Penny walks out of the building the cold November air hitting her like a brick wall causing her to wrap her coat tighter around herself deciding to go to her favourite cafe. Well was her favourite before she started dating Harry, making the walk to the shop wasn’t too difficult it was cold but it wasn’t freezing, but the warm air of the coffee shop was comforting, like a hug.

Slowly shuffling to the counter, each step feeling as if she was more and more detached from reality. Her ears felt as if they were filled with cotton and when she arrived at the counter she couldn’t register what words were coming out of her mouth it was like she was in a bubble, her brain filled with fog all she could think about was- nothing she wasn’t thinking it was just blissful emptiness she watched as a ha- her hand picked up the coffee that was slid over to her. it was hot but she couldn’t feel it. her senses were heightened yet it didn’t burn it was amazing she could just exist without the emotions and obstacles.

Bringing it to her mouth she takes a drink it wasn’t hot it didn’t even have flavour as if she was drinking water but without the water.

She watched herself sit on a chair at a one-seat table in a corner by the front windows. She felt as though time had stopped and it was just her existing no Harry, no problems just her.

**Scene break hihi**

Penny doesn’t know how she got home but she just was there as if she just appeared, not knowing how she got on her couch or in pyjamas it was almost concerning but it was mostly nice not having to live most her day. Startling when her phone vibrates in her pocket. Pulling it out Penny clicked it on a message from Harry on the lock screen

Husbando: Wont be home 2night order whatever 

She purses her lips imagining everything he could be doing, suddenly feeling self-conscious Penny curls up tighter. Setting her phone down beside her.

What could she do?

Not like she had a life anyway.

_________________________

Half of this was written at 3 AM 

Love it? Hate it? Commenttt I’m a sl*t for validationnn

[lost-tanuki-whump]

Post-operation

Content warning: brief instance of self-harm (bite), swearing and screaming in pain, medical whump. Cast: The Disaster Five. Situated somewhere in Leo’s backstory.  Word count: 950.

* * *

"It hurts, it fucking hurts!"

"I know, Leonida. I just asked the nurse to up the dosage for the pain medicine."

"Make it go faster- gh!"

Long fingers curled into the crisp white hospital bedsheets, knuckles going white from the strain. Leonida had just woken up seconds ago and she'd instantly started writhing and screaming for them to make it stop.

"I'm sorry, I can't make it go faster." Doctor Whittler reached down to settle a cool, dry palm over her subject's arm, wary in case the other woman tried to grip her hand. She kept her demeanor calm and collected like always. "If it makes you feel any better to know this, the operation was a success and we'll soon be on our way to-"

"Do something!" Leonida yelled at her, and Doctor Whittler retrieved her hand just in time before she grabbed it. Leonida's arm uselessly landed atop the bed and she let out a short cry when the impact jostled her elbow.

"It'll get better soon," firmly promised Doctor Whittler.

"Fuck!" loudly cursed Leonida on a waver, and Doctor Whittler watched in sympathy as tears fell from her red face. There was a brief and tense silence during which Leonida's limbs didn't stop shaking, locked up with agony, and then she managed through gritted teeth: "When?"

"A few minutes at most."

Leonida turned her head and screamed in her pillow. The parts of her arms and legs that was exposed where her scrubs didn't reach were a burning red, the aftereffects of infusing her bones with an alloy that was toxic to several types of cells of the human body, especially to skin cells. It wouldn't last, if they'd timed the interventions right then Leonida's skin wouldn't be a matter of concern anymore in a matter of a few days. As long as her organic nerve endings remained she'd keep feeling pain, but the morphine would lessen it to some degree if they found the right dosage. Doctor Whittler leaned in and cleared the wild frizzy strands of honey blond hair from the side of Leonida's sweaty face before laying a cool hand against her cheek to call her attention.

"Leonida."

Hazy brown eyes opened to look at her, a drop of sweat trickled down the furrowed brow. Doctor Whittler quickly pulled her hand back to her just in case.

"You are doing incredibly well. You're very courageous, please hold onto that courage."

"Fa ancora un male cane," Leonida answered in a voice that was both angry and plaintive. Even her gaze was conflicted, Doctor Whittler couldn't tell if her subject wanted to kill her or plead for her help. Leonida grunted and punched the bed, the sound devolving in a choked sob. "Cazzo, fa male!"

"Leonida, I know this is difficult, but please try and stay still or you'll only hurt yourself more."

"Questo pezzo di schifo è fottuto! Vai a farti fottere, donna!" suddenly raged Leonida, teeth bared and glinting in the stale white overhanging light. She was looking at Doctor Whittler but her gaze was rapidly growing unfocused. "Non avrei mai dovuto accettare di farlo!"

"Leonida, you are speaking in Italian. I would like you to talk to me in English so that I can understand."

She thumped her head against the pillow and pulled at the sheets, which didn’t offer any resistance and ripped. "Fa male, cazzo, Dio- fa male! Cazzo, ti ucciderò, puttana!"

"Okay, Leonida," calmly said Doctor Whittler. She'd expected her subject to grow delirious under the pain. "I understand that it hurts, we just have to be patient a little while longer for the medicine to act."

Leonida screamed again, a wail of agony that ripped out of her throat and broke off in frantic sobs, and then she started crying: "Jay! Jay!"

Doctor Whittler's lips tightened in a compassionate line and she looked away to see if the drip was flowing correctly, but the nurse was already checking and it didn't look like they could do anything to speed things up. It would start acting any moment now.

"Junie!" Leonida screamed louder.

"Leonida," Doctor Whittler said to try and attract her attention again. "We are in the facility, remember? Jay can't come here. You'll see each other once this is over, all right?"

Leonida's face twisted even further and she screwed her eyes shut, ceasing her search for her partner. Her hand stopped scrabbling at the mattress and flew up, and she bit down on her fingers so hard that it instantly drew blood.

"Leonida," urgently said Doctor Whittler, and she pried her hand away from her mouth. "Leonida, it's okay, you're going to feel better in a few seconds."

Leonida's chest heaved on desperate pants and gasps and her fingers curled up into shaking fists, and there was nothing Doctor Whittler could do but watch her sob and wail. It took another full minute before the painkillers started taking action.

"Very good, Leonida," Doctor Whittler murmured next to her the whole while. "You're doing very good."

The wild, pained noises Leonida was making gradually died down into tired, hitched breaths and her body finally relaxed after what felt like an eternity. She likely hadn't gone limp because of the pain relief being complete and blissful, but rather because she was exhausted. Doctor Whittler cautiously settled her hand on Leonida's sweaty forehead to ground her and asked: "Leonida? Can you tell me how you're feeling?"

Leonida' eyes fluttered open and she groaned: "Like... absolute fucking shit, Doc."

Doctor Whittler smiled lightly. "You can sleep, if you'd like. If you're able to."

"Yeah." Leonida closed her eyes again and mumbled: "Sorry for cussing you out."

"No hard feelings, Leonida. None at all."

[sciencespies]

Deadly Spiders Evolved Venom to Safely Search for Love

https://sciencespies.com/news/deadly-spiders-evolved-venom-to-safely-search-for-love/

Deadly Spiders Evolved Venom to Safely Search for Love

The venomous bite of the funnel-web spider can kill in hours if left untreated. But why the insect-eating Australian arachnid’s venom evolved to become deadly to humans, which are neither predator nor prey of the spiders, was something of a mystery. Now, a new paper suggests that these spiders developed their potent venom to defend themselves against would-be predators while on the hunt for love, reports the Economist.

Australia’s funnel-web spiders are a group of around 40 species that spend most of their time lurking in burrows framed by their signature funnel-shaped webs. In particular, the Sydney funnel-web (Atrax robustus) is often called the deadliest spider on Earth, explained Shannon Verhagen for Australian Biographic in 2017. The 13 deaths attributed to funnel-webs are all chalked up to males of the Sydney species, but the deaths came to an abrupt halt once an effective antivenom was developed in 1981.

In the waning days of the massive fires that ravaged Australia, heavy rains in January of this year brought relief from the flames as well as a series of warnings from wildlife officials that conditions had grown ripe for a massive emergence of funnel web spiders. That’s because funnel-webs like things moist and the male funnel webs were already due to embark on their annual search for mates, which typically occurs between January and April.

The problem, as far as Homo sapiens are concerned, is that the neurotoxic venom of the male funnel-webs wandering the countryside is five times more toxic than the female’s, explains Jessie Szalay for Live Science.

The venom, which contains peptides called delta-hexatoxins, causes searing pain, convulsions, difficulty breathing and increased blood pressure in people, reports Hannah Osborne for Newsweek. Puzzlingly the venom is painful, but not deadly to non-primate vertebrates such as dogs, mice and birds.

For Inverse, Nina Pullano writes that the new study, published this week in the journal the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, sequenced RNA from the venom glands of ten species of funnel-web spiders to figure out when and why the delta-hexatoxins evolved to such extremes in males.

“These toxins had originally evolved to kill insects such as cockroaches and flies,” says Bryan Fry, a venom researcher at the University of Queensland who led the study, in a statement. Fry explains that when male funnel-webs become sexually mature they embark on a dangerous journey to find a mate, during which time they seldom feed but are in considerable danger of being eaten themselves by vertebrates including rodents, birds and lizards. “The data shows that natural selection put the necessary pressure on to switch an insect-specific venom into a vertebrate-specific defensive venom,” says Fry. “And, unluckily for us, we’re a vertebrate species which copped it in the process.”

In the study, Fry and his co-authors say that the fact that the spiders’ neurotoxins are merely painful to non-primates and deadly to us and our close relatives is just an unfortunate evolutionary accident.

The study may offer improved understanding of how funnel-web spider venom attacks the human body, which could improve anti-venoms. In the Conversation, the researchers write that they’re also examining the insect-specific venom of the female funnel-webs in hopes of deriving improved insecticides.

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[caliwoodcannabis]

CBD Edibles and the Benefits

CBD Edibles is strictly non-psychotropic including its long-lasting behavior. It can provide relief from day-to-day stress and mild pains also. It also works for reducing migraine or if suffering from anxiety. CBD Edibles are food or drink items infused with CBD that one can ingest directly i.e., to ingest them there is no need to fire them up like cigarettes. At the same time, Edibles high in CBD are known for their working therapeutic effects.

Types of CBD edibles 

There are two common types of CBD Edibles :

Balanced CBD/THC Edibles: Also referred to as marijuana edibles, with an almost equivalent amount of THC and CBD in them. Since the availability of THC in these edibles relay some of the cannabis high.

CBD-dominant Edibles: CBD-dominant edibles refer to the edibles that contain too less or a non-measurable amount of THC, causing by which does not lead to any kind of intoxication.

Various aspects regarding CBD Edibles

Consumption: CBD Edibles can be consumed directly just like candy.

Dosage: In CBD Edibles, the quantity you will be having is pre-specified.

Effect: CBD Edibles went through the liver and then the digestive system before it reaches the bloodstream, and the procedure hardly takes an hour.

Benefits of CBD Edibles

Following are the numerous benefits of CBD Edibles :

Long-lasting relief: As the term, itself refers, CBD Edibles provide long-lasting relief although showing its genuine effect it might take some time (say from 30 min - 2hr approximately).

Non-Psychotropic: Although it's a cannabis compound, CBD Edibles never cause a psychotropic high.

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Online availability: One of the great benefits of CBD Products is that they are even available online, so one can access them in their comfort.

Easy to dose: In the case of inhaling CBD through the smoke you can’t determine what amount has been taken. Nowadays there comes pre-dosed servings for CBD edibles which allow you to calculate what amount you have consumed and can figure out how much you need to satisfy your desires.

Well tolerated with low side effects: Even though CBD shows some side effects if the doses are high. Also, there seem situations that show that high doses of CBD products may enhance the effects of pharmaceutical medications. But also a fact that even if it’s a high dose it shows the minimum side effects.

Being a General remedy: CBD-driven pharmaceutical drugs are been successfully used in some treatments, although you don’t have to be in a serious condition to be treated with CBD remedy. It can also be helpful for people with milder and first-aid-related ailments.

Conclusion Since now you have already gone through all points regarding CBD edibles and their benefits too. While looking for the CBD edible you can even search for Cannabis Stores in Toronto, for which you can rely on CALIWOOD CANNABIS for better results.