#in reality hed be a bit bigger i believe

[moriipoda]

everybody look at my clay figure mratyn i made yonks ago

[denkilightning]

Uh hey, no pressure but do you have any tips for writing c!george? I'm trying but he just isn't right? In my story and i don't want to mischaricterise him -💛

a bit of a disclaimer: i am actually no the authority on cgeorge since i am not ccgeorge and all the things ill say are based off my opinions. if you dont wanna do sth the way i say it simply dont <33

about mischaracterisation: honestly dont worry. it doesnt matter whether hes in character or out of character because things like that are rather subjective, and what matters is an interesting characterisation. it doesnt have to completely align with canon c george because canon c george is incredibly fucking hard to grasp, mainly because whether he doesnt care or cares about everything is decided like its a russian roulette, same with his grip on reality.

but if you wanna stick to canon i reccomend watching and analysing his behaviour in the presidental debates stream (on quackitys vod channel), 'quackity and jschlatt win the lmanberg election', the november 16th stream (building a house), the george lore stream (not the 'doing george lore' one but the one that was george streaming, with dreamxd), the friendsgiving stream (mainly karls pov, but there are few others) and the 'is dream smp over' stream. they give you a lot of insight on what cgeorge used to be like vs what he is like now.

the biggest thing about cgeorge is how completely independent he used to be and you can see the decline from doing whatever the hell he wants (like running for vice of the nation he wanted destroyed) to being the wreck of a person after his entire family fell apart that cgeorge is now.

for that i also reccomend the lmanberg independence war vids from punzs pov, theyre great base for cgeorges characterisation

other than that few little things that can translate into bigger things depends on what context you write in:

cgeorge actually likes ckarl. like They Live Together and once they were implied to be married where in the same sentence ckarl told csapnap to live in a different house

cgeorge is probably autistic with adhd. at the very least he is very ND coded (using the word coded lightly) imo

whether cgeorge cares about sth happenning is completely up to luck. its like a game of russian roulette and i dont think even cgeorge knows when or why he cares about certain things

cgeorge is the epitome of choosing the people over things. even tho hed complain a lot about not being stacked (believeing not wearing armour is 'being naked' per cdreams words) he doesnt care about material things unless they have emotional meaning to them. a characteristic cgeorge shares with ccgeorge, where hed let sams armour and things burn, but started frantically insisting on saving him once he learnt nikis christmas gifts would also get destroyed

the point of cgeorges character at the moment of the story were in is that if given a chance hed destroy his own very home he helped create. and he definitely doesn't feel safe in his own head or like a person anymore. big derealization and depersonalization issues

other than that i reccomend making him sharper and more contrasting than he is in canon. more aggressive, a bit more vicious, only putting csapnap over everything (remember that its csapnap who was invited to the red banquet but it was cgeorge who actually went), more protective of his own people while not minding murdering them (a trend we see in the ogs, i.e hunters + cpunz). let him be enthusiastic about picking flowers and baking bread as well as killing ans breaking people's bones.

also let him be smart and know things. personally id recommend transforming ccgeorges 'knows a fuckton and loves to talk about technicalities of things like youtube and stuff' trait to cgeorges 'knows a fuckton and loves to talk about technicalities of like torture and assassination and shit'. also science. theres no fucking way cgeorge is not a science nerd so keep that in mind.

it's rly rly important how much cgeorge loves nature. youll see it in the way he got mad at cdream killing the dogs in the early days, or how theyd keep foxes in the house even tho he couldnt tame them, and how while sarcastically praising lmanberg he stood at the crater reclaimed by nature and went 'it actually is pretty nice'.

also!! his trauma response is fawning. thats also important to keep in mind. it really matters wyen it comes to his relationship with cdream

and when it comes to my personally liked quirks about his characterization, i like to think cgeorge and jinx from arcane are very similar. rly smart, rly deadly, rly needing therapy. oh and blue coded <33

but yeah sry if this is very rambly and inconcise, if you have any more specific questions you can always ask or dm me <33 good like with writing your story!!

[shhh-no-ones-home]

December 2 - loki laufeyson

title: ice princess

++++

prompt: First time ice skating together

request from: n/a

tag list: @cynic-spirit

++++

i looked to the road a little nervous as i pulled into the parking lot of the ice rink. i still cant believe he talked me into this. damn his silver tongue, making think it would be no big deal. of course it would be a big deal, i couldnt even balance when i walked, skating would be a nightmare. i shook my head of my thoughts as i turned the car off and stared at the ground ahead of us.

"you coming?"

he asked, making me look to the passenger seat. i hadnt even realized hed gotten out already. i nodded, sighing before getting out too.

"come dear, itll be fun."

he said, taking my hand and walking with me inside. i looked around at the people getting their skates as he talked to the woman behind the desk. i didnt come back to reality until his hand was in mine again and he was practically dragging me to the side of the rink, skates in hand.

"ready?"

he asked, handing me mine and him moving to put his own on. i shrugged.

"as ill ever be."

i said barely audible as i sat beside him. when we were both ready he helped me stand, walking backwards with my hands in his.

"I'm not so sure about this."

I said skeptically as he led me out to the rink

"Don't be worried my dear. It's easy."

He said, holding my hands tighter in his own. I sent him a scared look as he stepped back into the ice.

"We used to do this all the time as children, youll love it."

He said, sliding backwards as I wobbled, taking baby steps on the ice.

"Mother would make ice patches for us in the back garden of the palace for the holidays so we could understand what it was like for the earth folk this time of year."

He said with a fondness in his voice. I looked from the ice to his face and he had a reminiscent smile across his lips. It almost made me understand him a bit better.

"Do you miss her?"

I asked as we picked up the pace a little bit, a few children zipping past us and scaring me. i closed my eyes for a second, gripping onto him.

"its alright darling"

he said, His smile got bigger for a second as he nodded before dropping back to the way it was. i looked over to the kids and scowled. when i returned my gaze to him he was staring at me fondly and my expression softened, remembering what we were talking about.

"I'm sure she would've loved this."

I said and he squeezed my hands.

"I'm sure she would've loved you."

He said and my eyes went wide.

"Even though I'm not like you?"

I asked and he nodded. we had talked about this before, the immortal thing that is.

"Even someone who will bend and break and fall so quickly."

He said, letting go of one of my hands. I stumbled a little bit as he slid to the side of me, guiding me forward.

"Loki I don't think I like this."

I said a little worried as he picked up the pace.

"You're doing great darling."

He said smoothly, pulling me along with him. I shook my head.

"dont let me go."

i said, my voice shaky as more kids zipped past us.

"i wont let you go."

i sent him a look and he tilted his head towards me.

"i promise."

i moved to lace our fingers together, wobbling again and putting my arms out to the side of me. i groaned a little bit, making him laugh as we got closer to the gate we had entered in. i looked to him and frowned.

"i dont think this is for me."

i said, sliding to the gate. he slowed down, stopping and looking at me with a sadness to him.

"you go take a couple laps, ill be here when you're done."

i stepped onto the carpet, breathing easily.

"one lap and then we can go see the lights, yeah?"

he asked and i smiled widely, nodding.

"you sure?"

i asked and he cracked a smile back.

"im positive."

i nodded once, letting his hand go and watching him speed away from me. i wobbled back to the bench, falling into it and slipping my skates off. when i looked up again he was back, falling down onto the seat next to me.

"did you have fun?"

i asked and he nodded, kissing my cheek quickly.

"i did."

i hooked my arm in his as we stood up to return the skates.

"im glad to hear that."

he handed the skates over and lead us to the front door, the sun was already beginning to go down.

"ready to see our version of magic?"

i asked and he laughed, both of us getting back in the car.

"more than you know."

he said softly, taking my hand in his after i had pulled out of the parking space. maybe this outing wouldnt be a loss after all.

[kisshim-killhim]

Sanders Sides Steven Universe AU

*So I've lost interest in this au, but if anyone really wants me to I might make some content for it. In the meantime, enjoy the info for this au. If you wanna make content for it all i ask is that you credit and tag me so I can see what you amazing people create!♡

Thomas Human/Gem

Remy Human

Logan Peridot(Blue)

Roman Ruby(Yellow)

Patton Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz(Pink?)

Virgil Yellow Diamond(Yellow?)

Remus Spinel(Yellow)

Pearl Deceit(Yellow)

Pearl Picani(Yellow)

(Kunzite) Remus/Deceit fusion

(Sphalerite)Augustus Remus/Roman fusion

Thomas Sanders is the half gem son of Pink Diamond, Posing as a Rose Quartz, and a nonbinary human(based on my personal hc that gems can have kids with either gender since theyre virtually genderless, so whether this human was born male or female they could still make a child together).

Remy was the nonbinary human who fell in love with Patton. Shortly after arriving to earth, they met at a rock show(no pun intended), fell in love, and eventually created Thomas.

Homeworld:

Logan** was Peridot Facet-9I5X Cut-3BH serving Blue Diamond. He fixes machinery for his diamond. He is very stoic and is mainly focused on carrying out orders, no more or less. He was Blue's Peridot for a long time, and often spoke with Yellow Diamond(Virgil)'s Pearl(Deceit) when Pink(Patton) was around, as then Blue was closer to her people and the gems she ruled, and the Diamonds werent as strict with whether or not one gem was allowed to see the other. He would even call the Pearl his friend. But after Pink left, the last time Logan saw him, he found that the Pearl's gem was severely cracked, to the point of still leaving damage on part of his face to the present day(much like Volleyball in the cannon of Steven Universe). Logan falls in love with Pink(Patton) at a ball and is later reporting to Pink about important information regarding the rebellion for his Diamond when Pink tries to fake his own shattering. Logan sees Pink transforming into a Rose Quartz and after a breif concersation with Pink, he decides to take the blame for Pink Diamonds' shattering(therefore the rest of the Rose Quartz' would be unbubbled and they would think that the shatterer had already left so no one would be bubbled or shattered, since all that was held responsible would be know to have left homeworld already)and left with Patton(Pink Diamond) to completely to join the Crystal Gems.

Roman* was a Ruby serving Yellow Diamond as a personal bodyguard. He is a dedicated bodygaurd for Virgil, his Diamond, and will protect him at all costs. He doesnt care how hes treated or what happens to him, all he cares about is his Diamond and his safety. If his Diamond is angry, sad, worried, etc., he will happily offer for him to take his anger out on the Ruby. Roman is loyal and dedicated to protecting his Diamond no matter what.

Virgil* is a Yellow Diamond. He mostly lead and directed the colonization of other planets. He believed he deserves a bigger purpose, but often complained to his Ruby about how he hates to be in charge, contractory. Hes confusing and a bit tempered at times, but a respected Diamond who no one dared to question, even if his logic is sometimes unwise.

Patton(?) is a happy, optimistic Rose Quartz who was thought to have served Pink Diamond proudly. But in reality, he was Pink Diamond. He wished to see more of the world, to explore Earth freely and not be burdened by his duties, so he made it so him as a Diamond was thought to have been shattered by a Peridot gone rouge, and he left to be away from the other Diamonds' corrupted views, and taking Yellow's old Spinel and Pearl with him.

Remus* was a Spinel Yellow ordered to be made because she was curious as to why Pink wanted one. Though when the Spinel began making ideas and such, Yellow disliked him, and bluntly called him defective before leaving him in her garden never to return. She called it a mercy, as she did not shatter him.

Deceit** was Yellow Diamond's pearl. He carried out orders to the letter and at one point was very close with one of Blue Diamond's Peridots. When Pink left, his gem was severely damaged by Yellow Diamond. He wanted to still serve his Diamond, but even when his gem was healed by Shell, the damage to his physical form remained. And as it goes, he was declared flawed and, by default, useless. He was banished to the garden, as Virgil(Yellow Diamond) couldnt bring himself to shatter the Pearl. In the garden he met and eventually befriended an odd, kind of crazy Spinel who told him stories of a curious and mean Diamond who cast him away, and a sad, yet loyal and brave Ruby he once called 'brother'. Deceit decided he liked this Spinel, and they spent much time together wondering when their Diamond would return for them... he never did return. But eventually, a kind Rose Quartz(Pink/Patton) saved them from their fate and offered they join the resistance against Diamonds' rule. The two were very bitter towards the Diamonds and therefore agreed to join the rebellion.

Chrysoberyl is a fusion of Remus the Spinel and Deceit the Pearl.

Emilie Picani* was the Pearl to replace Deceit after Yellow(Virgil) cast him out to the garden.

Creativitwins: A Ruby was created right next to Yellow Diamonds first Spinel, as they were ordered ot be created around the same time, and for the few minutes they spoke they became friends, and later considered themselves brothers once they got to know eachother. The Ruby found ways to visit the Spinel, and the two became close. But eventually the Ruby got caught. He was torn apart from the Spinel, not to see him again until thousands of years later. They were saved from shattering, as they fused to create ____.

They his until the other gems decides they werent worth the trouble. They left them alone in the garden for a couple thousand years as punishment, and spare the Ruby so he could serve him instead, becoming his private body gayrd. He made it clear he would punish the Ruby for his crimes himself, which is what he blames Deciet's cracked gem on later when Pink leaves.

(They each have their own names apart from their gems because they believe it sets them further from homeworld's corrupted nature. It makes them more special. Some see their gems name as a *mere title, and some view it like a **deadname that they would take offense to using.)

The crystal gems:

When Patton arrived on earth, he brought Deceit the Pearl, Remus the Spinel and Logan the Peridot with him. Eventually Yellow Diamond(Virgil) sent his personal Ruby down to earth, as he had a lot of trust in his abilities, and trusted he could stop the rebellion and get Pink back. He had an army of Rubies with him, but when Roman faced the Crystal Gems, all but Roman were bubbled. Realizing what Ruby he was, Logan and Remus helped stop the battle(possibly with a fusion), and Roman eventually agreed to join the crystal gems after a lot of convincing and being forced to stay on earth. Eventually he has a sort of Peridot moment where he calls Yellow Diamond(Virgil) some insult to officially join the Crystal Gems. Yellow is confused as to why his personal Ruby, the most loyal Ruby hes ever had, would betray him, and he personally comes down to earth to stop the rebellion. But when he finds that Pink no longer exists, only being Steven now, and the gems catch him offgaurd and are able to poof him. When they unpoof him, they make sure theyre in a safe environment on another planet where everyone is safe in case Yellow attacks them again. Seeing what hes done to the corrupted gems when he thought hed helped them, Virgil eventually decides he can learn to set aside his ways as a Diamond and join the rebellion, not to overthrow his fellow diamonds, but to help them see what he saw. At first he thinks that hes gonna betray them eventually, thinking of it as an option if he ever wants to opt out of being on earth, but after returning to homeworld, he decides Earth is really his home.

Roman and Logan learn to see Virgil as an equal onstead of someoen they give everything for.

Remus and Deceit learn to(somewhat) forgive Virgil and move forward and let go of their anger and bitterness toward sthe Diamonds.

Virgil learns to let go of all this power he had and sees others as equals and individuals rather than subjects with a set purpose.

Remy learns that hes part of the group(add in some big thing he helped with) and is just as important as the gems.

White and Blue Diamond take over homeworld.

Thomas is the son of the gem Patton(who gave up his physical form to create Thomas much later) and Remy, and nonbinary human that fell in love with Patton at a rock show.

[candyclan]

Coming out letter to my mom. (FTM) At the start of my transition, I wanted to go by a name that started with an “A”because my birthname did. All the rest of it is basically the same.

THE TRUTH:

I didn’t scream “I am a boy” at my parents. Honestly, my mother (specifically) controlled a lot of what I did, who I hung out with, and what I wore as a child. I believe she has/had an idea about what she wanted out of a daughter since I was born, and really just lived through me. I think she eventually had to give me room to make my own decisions, later in life. I didn’t come out until I was 16, although I had spent 6 months prior to even coming out thinking about my gender identity. I was extremely sheltered. I want you guys to know that I didn’t know what being transgender was until I was a freshman in high school and met my best friend (who is STILL MY BEST FRIEND TODAY) who identified as Non-binary gender fluid. I had never really met someone AFAB that lived to be anything other than female. With that came the knowledge that sometimes, men don’t necessarily have to have penises and I can wear whatever I’m comfortable with. I used to be religious in middle school (raised Christian) but I never found god. It never made sense to me how so many people can put their faith in other people’s ideas of what god is (the Bible) but not listen when their real CHILD comes to them and tells them that they feel uncomfortable in their gender identity. I also came out as bisexual in middle school, after meeting a girl I had a fancy for. To which my mother sobbed and cried and asked how she had failed as a parent. I remember loving pink, it was my favorite color. Pink, purple, blue. My top 3. Now it’s blue, pink, purple but basically the same. I had a pink room, loved hello kitty, let my mom curl my hair with little curlers at night so I could wake up and be somebody different the next day. My brother played with carebears and my Barbie dolls more than I did as a child. I remember a toy gun and handcuffs. I was fairly experimental as a child, I did: Girl Scouts, swimming, piano, soccer, ballet, cheerleading, and more honestly. I always got “boy” toys at McDonald’s (I mean cmon they��re cooler) I just was kinda everywhere. I feel like that’s easier for someone AFAB to be. My brother was harassed by my family for liking girly things but I was never shown that I couldn’t like stereotypical “boy things” by extended family. My mother however in the line at McDonalds I could never forget, turned and looked at me (baseball cap backwards tank top and shorts)and said “So, what?” “Are you batting for the other team” implying that because of the clothes I liked to wear I would be a lesbian. My mother (like I said, kinda controlling and extremely narcissistic) when I was allowed to cut my hair super short for the first time I was 16. Afterwards she has said things like: “but you’re so pretty how could you have cut your hair” “you looked so nice with long hair” I never felt akin to femininity. I was actually VERY uncomfortable with it. I hated being the “weaker” gender. I never wanted my nails painted. It was torture. I acted like makeup and and nail polish was torture, the hairbrush was my enemy. I used to just put my hair up in a low ponytail every day as I got older. I knew she’d never let me cut it all off. Basically, other than wanting to grow up strong and tough and not liking to be treated like a female, I was female. There were parts of being female I didn’t really have a problem with, and honestly that’s why I didn’t come out for so long. I wasn’t in a house or raised by people I knew would accept anything other than me being their “little girl” I was a daddies girl. So between my lack of understanding of where my feelings towards my gender roles were coming from, being encouraged by my family to be girly, not being exposed to gender diversity (or anything queer), and my controlling mother, I remained in the dark about who I was.

TRIGGER WARNING:::(abuse)::::: I was never close with my mother, and actually hated her growing up. To this day she is the most judge mental, self-centered woman I know. My father was funny, charismatic, and lost his shit sometimes. I like to say, 90% of the time he was amazing. We made jokes and could literally finish each other’s sentences. But honestly my father, 10% of the time was abusive. Most of my abuse in my life was covert (narcissistic abuse from my mother) and verbal/emotional/barely physical abuse from my father. He’s 6”3’ 350 lbs and very loud and scary, especially to a young child. He punched a hole in my wall, he threw a remote at a wall and shattered it to pieces, he threatened to kill my dog with a baseball bat in front of me. Which I swear to god he would have done if I wasn’t holding my dog, protecting him. These moments were few and far between, but they were riddled with insults and almost always left me with less than I started with. My father did spank my brother and I, and one time he clapped my brother so well that he left a purple hand mark on his butt. My mother told my father she’d take us away if that happened again. My father never left marks. He never had to, he was so big and would just get up in my face and scream at me. He made me feel helpless. Because he was invading my space I felt physically threatened, and he never actually had to touch me and leave bruises because that threat was already implied by invading my space. I was so young, but I always knew my family wasn’t right. Finally at 16, I stood up to my father for the first time. I didn’t care if he was bigger than me, I didn’t care if I would lose, I was willing to fight for me. Anyway, long story short the police were called because we were screaming at each other in front of his apartment building. I’m not going to say I didn’t fuck up as a teenager, but I never deserved the pressure and the abuse he was dishing out and had dished out my whole life. I knew that. I cut him out of my life just after turning 16, by then I had been questioning my identity. It became easier after leaving my father to fall into who I was. My father is FAIRLY religious and my mother claims to be but she never talks about god, she never prays, and now that my father and her are divorced I don’t think she’s been inside a church since. Losing my father was a lot, despite his abuse he and I were really close and had really similar personalities. The reality of abuse isn’t “well, now I see them as an abuser so now none of that good stuff is left it’s all tainted” I had to struggle with losing someone very important in my life at a young age, for myself.

Arguments against me being trans:

My family has been a bit divided in responding to me coming out. By now, it’s been about 4 years.

My mother and her side of the family are in denial. They don’t understand how I can’t be a “lesbian that just likes boy things”. They don’t use my name or pronouns.

My father, what little communication I have with him now, is bewildered. He and I had a discussion this past Christmas where I brought up what his abuse did to me mentally and he apologized but then tried to say “well what about your part in all of this” and said that I was hanging out with crazy depressed people, cutting myself, doing drugs, (I was smoking weed and I’ve tried acid like once piss off) and was sneaking out. Yeah. I did do all of that BUT GUESS WHAT. IM 20. I go where I wanna go. I fuck who I wanna fuck. I smoke what I want and guess what? It’s not any different from when I was 16 except now I don’t have parents up my ass telling me what to do. His argument basically was that I need to own up to what I did too and that fucking angered me. You don’t apologize and then go “well what about you” that’s not an apology. That’s deflection and honestly I don’t think I need to apologize because my parents were super controlling. I was just trying to do what I wanted and they didn’t like it. He and I have talked about me being trans and he pretty much thinks I’m certifiable. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

My brother: Ethan, my brother and I have always been close. He’s 17 now, and he had a different reaction to me being trans. Of all of my family he was the most receptive to my pleas of gender dysphoria and he suffers with anxiety so he gets stuff. But alas, after asking him if he’d call me by my name and pronouns (after 4 years of being out) he thinks that I am the one that has an issue with society. I told him I was starting T soon and he said: “Hrt won’t lessen all the things that come with being transgender. If you feel like doing hormones is the best for you then do it, but from a logical standpoint I think there just needs to be more thickening of skin” he claimes that if I try hard enough I could be fine living as female. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

None of my family supports me. None of my family understands. And none of them ever will. I have been out for four fucking years. I can’t tell you how frustrating family rejection can be. I have cried so much at the idea of not having a supportive family. I feel like I was ripped away from a beautiful life somewhere and thrust into this mess.

Honestly though, it doesn’t matter, the world keeps spinning and I keep finding people who love and accept me for who I truly am. I have made peace with my family’s lack of acceptance. It’s made me stronger and more compassionate towards others. Made me want to be better than them. I am actually going to start hormones soon, and on top of other fears I have, will be cutting my family out of my life. I can’t be 25 with a full beard and getting misgendered by my family. I can’t do it. They may feel like I’m going too far, that I don’t have to do this, but I do. I’m not doing this because I didn’t get too much attention as a kid or my mom favored my brother over me, I’m not doing this because it’s cool, I’m not doing this because I’m bored, I’m not doing this because I hate myself or anyone else. This is AFFIRMATION. Sometimes, cutting people who can’t see you for who your really are out of your life is affirming too.

Guys, girls, people, keep your head up. Things get better, I know. I thought life was never going to get better so I know that’s what it can feel like. But it does. Never ever let someone control your life or who you are. You’re beautiful/handsome/amazing! You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and to love who you are. I am getting there, we all are.

Love,

Tanner M.

[plusultrachaos]

i sometimes wish id never been born at all

prompt: dan, one day, wishes hed never been born. he is then visited by a "ghost" (another youtuber) who shows dan everybodys lives if he was never born. dan doesnt believe that anything is worse off until they show phils life which is simply a gravestone.

A/N: i did change somethings from the prompt. i also envisioned the prompt as something similar to the Scrooge.

word count: 2113

genre: angst and if you squint fluff

tw: there are mentions and a viewing of two suicides (the viewing is against dans will  and is only on one of two suicides) there are mentions of depression and bullying. if this is something that could trigger, harm, or cause you pain of any kind, i recommend not reading this oneshot.

________________

its one of dans bad days. its one of the bad days where hes trying to be social, at least talk to phil some, maybe a bit of action on social media, before his inevitable departure from society and hopefully his own exsistance for a little while.

while hes browsing on said social media, he feels phil leaning toward him and picking something from under dans eye, pulling his hand away to reveal a small, thick eyelash.

"howd you even notice that, phil?" his voice was soft, fond, and holding no surprise at phils ability to notice the little details.

"make a wish and i might tell you." phil wore a teasing smile as he failed to wink, the corners of his mouth crinkling, showing the smile wrinkles that had developed as the years of their friendship passed.

'i wish i were never born' was the wish dan had made, he wanted to go hide away, hide the wish hed made in his brain to echo there for hours. everybodys lives would be better, easier, if he hadnt been born in the first place, all the haters wouldnt have to hate him in the first place. phil would probably be further in life. his family wouldnt have him as a disappointment.

"i have to go to my room." he looked at phil, whos face was still in  sort of close proximity to his own face. he didnt say why, or what he was going to do once in there, but phil knew him well enough to understand why the younger man had been quiet the entirety of him being up and out of his room, why he hadnt laughed at a single funny thing that phil had shown him.

"okay. remember to drink water and come out of there when you need food, okay?" phils eyes held the usual, useless, concern that dan knew phil didnt actually feel. dan wasnt worth the concern and he definitely did not deserve the concern or a friend like phil at all.

he nodded, knowing that if phil didnt actually see dan out of the room to get food or water, hed personally bring the food and drink to dan. dan got up and numbly left the lounge for his room. he left his laptop there, knowing he wouldnt need it the next few days or so.

he collapsed on his bed, his thoughts going on about him being worthless and a disappointment, along with other degrading things. he turned his phone off, setting it on his nightstand. he curled up into a ball and became even more numb to the world. when he fell asleep? dan wouldnt have been able to tell you.

when dan woke up, it felt weird. it felt like what his lucid dreams used to feel like when  hed been a kid. he also didnt feel as he did when he assumed hed fallen asleep, furthuring the feeling of this being weird and unusual. well, those things, and the youtube god himself, pewdiepie, or felix as hed told dan and phil to call him when theyd met up in the past, standing at the end of dans bed.

"felix? why are you in my room?" he was slightly creeped out. he only ever really saw felix at youtube events anymore, and even then, it wasnt much.

"i know who this felix person is, but i am not him. i am the ghost of youtubers past." felix, or rather the ghost, said, the voice was eerily similar to felix' and it creeped dan out further. "recently, youve wished for something along the lines of never being born at all, am i correct to say this?"

"yeah, but hold up, why in bloody hell are you in my -me and phils- flat? howd you even get in?" dan looked confused, he was staying as far as he possibly could be from felix, or the ghost or whatever the fuck it was, which meant he was huddled against the headboard of his bed. "what has my stupid eyelash wish have got to do with any of this?"

"daniel, im here to show you how your friends and family would have really been if you hadnt been born. you see, your thoughts after the wish, about everybody being better off without you, were mostly wrong. your family, that thought, was the only one that was partially correct. yes, if they didnt have you as their son, all of the things that you think they think of you would disappear, but they would have still had two children. your grandma wouldve been just as close with them as she was to you." then suddenly, at the end of the ghosts words, dans room transformed, his fairylights  and comfortable bed morphing into something else. all dan could do was watch.

his surroundings had changed into a huge decorated and lit up christmas tree with wrapped gifts underneath. there were two children, a teenaged girl and a younger boy, perhaps a toddler, pulling at a christmas cracker. when the young boy ended up getting the bigger end of the game, the older sister said "happy christmas!" with fondness that made dans heart ache. the siblings looked close, and happy. happier than dan and his younger brother had been at those ages.  it made dan long for that kind of relationship with the lad. it also brought a bitter taste and thoughts to dan. the girl, for obvious reasons, wasnt dan. their mannerisms very  different, her smile lacking a dimple.

"yazzy, go help your mum in the kitchen." an old woman, that dan immediately recognized as his (or rather not his) grandma, walked in to the room. he hadnt visited the kind, aging woman in years, and seeing this made him feel guilty.

he turned to the ghost, tears forming and wetting his eyes. "can we leave? i already knew i was insignificant in their lives." he said this, his voice small as he looked away from the scene playing out before him. the ghost nodded and then they were in a different location once again.

it was his friend, louises current home. but it was empty, no baby toys or anything in the flat hed gotten used to being busy.

"louises success mightve been all her, but you helped in the process, being there when she needed a friend. she didnt have darcy because she never met her partner." the ghost said this with a grim look. dan looked around, sad eyes gazing everywhere. it was then he realized he hadnt rung up louise in weeks.

"fuck..." was dans whispered response to the situation.

the location faded again, taking them to a park. pj sat on the bench in front of dan and the ghost. he was talking to people that dan didnt recognize. "pj and chris never became a couple because you werent there to help them realize their feelings for each other." dan looked down at the ghosts words. they stung, knowing his friends hadnt gotten together just because dan hadnt been born.

" and chris? what would his fate have been if id never been around?" the ghost pointed at a man walking behind them, talking on the phone. he didnt spare pj a single look.

"without your constant encouragement, he dropped youtube. he got an office job and quickly climbed the ranks." the words sounded sad.

the location changed yet again, to a sight he never wanted to see again. they were in an unfamiliar bedroom, it was dark and there was an even darker silhouette hanging from a ceiling fan. dan feared the worst. the sight of it made dan want to curl into a ball. there was pounding on the closed door.

dan watched in silence, mouth open in a silent cry as the parents of the silhouette opened the door. the mother fell into the fathers arms, crying loudly. the father was frozen, terror shining in his eyes as he took in the sight of the cold and lifeless body. the  room faded into a plain, white room that had no soothing qualities to dan.

"that was ben. in a world with you in it, he would have found the courage to come out as a transmale and gay. without you, he never learned of his parents acceptance. he wouldve committed suicide if not for your videos." the ghost said this softly, its eyes sad. "this is the sad reality of the fans. some are not in good situations and so they turn to youtube for an escape. without your videos, a lot of fans dont have that escape." dans face grew even more sad as he realized that had been the same reality that he had faced before becoming a youtuber.

"and phil? what would have happened to him?" this question had been on his mind the entire time they had been in this weird dreamland. the ghosts already sad face saddened even more and the scenery changed once again.

dan looked confused as his eyes wondered around the area. they were in a graveyard in the middle of the day. except dan couldnt see any services being held that phil wouldve attended.

"where is he? why are we in a graveyard?" his questions were frantic as he continued searching for the wonderous blue-yellow-green eyes and the dyed black hair of his best friend. then his gaze landed on the gravestone of the grave they were in front of. he dropped to his knees, his face blank as he read the stone.

Here lies

Philip Michael Lester

January 30th, 1987-June 22nd, 2012

He was loved dearly by fans, friends, and family.

"phil didnt have a number one fan to skype him to take his mind off his problems, to correct him when he thought of how weird he was and how weird everybody was bound to think of him."

"unique. phil is unique, not weird." dan corrected without hesitation.

"that is what i mean when i say that. he didnt have somebody to do that when youtube comments started telling him he was weird. he didnt have someone to be an iconic duo with. he killed himself when it all got to be too much." the ghost went quiet after telling that to dan, most likely letting the man grieve his best friend.

dan had started sobbing loudly. "n...no no no. take me home, this cant be real, this is not real." he whimpered, his eyes were screwed shut as he sobbed over the possibility of his optimistic, cheery best friend taking his life. he missed the transformation of the landscape, still sobbing loudly by the time hed been back in the comfort of his bedroom.

the ghost was no longer there and there was loud knocking. and to dans relief, phil called out his name with concern that dan was now certain was genuine. phil came in, rushing to the side of the monochrome bed to take the brown haired crying man into his arms. he knew better than to ask what was wrong right away, so he just held him.

"phil, promise me you wont believe people when they say hateful things toward you?" he asked this in a panicked rush, his words stuttered as he looked with terrified eyes at phil.

" i promise." phil held dan close, the sound of his heartbeat tethering dan to reality.

"i had a dream." dan proceeded to tell phil about what hed wished and then about the dream he had afterward. when he was done, phil held him. dan was still crying, but it had subsided a lot with the knowledge of phil being alive. "im sorry, phil. i know i shouldnt have wished for something so morbid and sad, but it was before an episode and i cant control my thoughts during those." he cuddled to phils chest, sniffling.

" dan, you know i love you. you know im always going to be here to support and comfort you." phils voice was soft and supportive, deep unlike what the viewers usually heard. "you dont have to apologize at all for the way your brain works, just like i dont. im glad you realized that that wasnt real, but i dont want you thinking that i wouldve been better off without you because i wouldnt be as far as i am today if i didnt have you by my side. dont ever tell yourself otherwise." he smiled his amazing smile that was saved just for dan.

dan leaned into phils chest, breathing in the comforting scent.   he sighed as he realized that life would be better with him and phil still alive.

____________________

i did end up mentioning dans family, but i only did briefly dont hate me.

[apsbicepstraining]

Here’s a conclude: how do footballers do what the hell is do? | Gregg Bakowski

It is not often a footballer expands on what goes through their thoughts when they play at the highest level but when they do it is fascinating

The concerning the relationship between footballers and the media is frequently a extremely naive one. Before a coincide a actor is asked what their hopes are for the challenge onward. Their explanation invariably has them looking forward to the game while perhaps including a bit deflection when steered towards a topic who are able to to be translated into controversy. In post-match interrogations actors are asked how they feel about the result and perhaps something they did in the accord. Through shortfall of age, tirednes or media practice, we often memorize little beyond what feeling a actor is knowing at that moment. This is often no flaw of the footballer or even the interviewer. Thoughtfulness is not provide support to football. Consequently, it is rare to truly understand how a participate does what they do.

What are they envisioning when they are moving their own bodies in a way that enables them to open up cavity where a millisecond ago there appeared to be none? We take for granted, whether sat high up in the digests or when watching on television, how quickly a footballer is able to calculate gesture and day. Our perspective is a false one. The predicament of what they are doing is skewed by interval. When a truly remarkable purpose is scored, such as Mesut zils elegant winner against Ludogorets, it is often is complemented by exaggeration or cliches. When deeper thought is given to how a piece of footballing splendour is crafted, the players take on it is usually overlooked, perhaps because were not used to hearing anything from them that tells us something new. Even after reading a 75,000 -word autobiography we can be left wondering, beyond fitness, proficiency or tactical comprehension, what it is that a actor contains that gives them an advantage over others. Relationships, defies, achievements and altercations help build narrative within their life story , not introspection. “Theres” exclusions of course, such as Andrea Pirlos I Think Hence I Play, which intentionally plays up to Pirlos reputation as a cerebral midfield maestro.

On the subject of delivering he paints a picture of a playing realm that isnt so much a fraught mass of moving limbs and testosterone but a series of shapeshifting breaches of which it is his enterprise to thread the ball through.

Ive understood that there is a secret: I see video games in a different way. Its a question of viewpoints, of having a wide field of regard. Being able to see the bigger portrait. Your classic midfielder examines downfield and ensure the sends. Ill focus instead on the space between me and them where I can work the ball through. Its more an issue of geometry than tactics. Andrea Pirlo

Dennis Bergkamp, one of video games great thinkers, has alluded to exhaustive modern-day coaching as one of the reasons participates dont use their own the terms of reference of insight enough. They dont have to think for themselves any more, he told Amy Lawrence. It is all done for them. Its a problem. If they get a new statu, they look to someone as if to say, What do I have to do now? And while Bergkamp was talking specific about the ability to think critically in the midst of video games, his comments pass us a clue as to the lack of faith footballers have in their own ability to self-reflect.

Throughout his more youthful years, Wayne Rooney was pigeon-holed as an instinctive street-footballer, fearless and reliant on playing off the cuff. Hed have been the last being you would have picked to give careful consideration to how it is that he has been capable of doing things on a tar which go beyond the vast majority of other professionals. But in a uncover interrogation with David Winner he explained that he relies heavily on visualisation to prepare for parallels and his thoughts as moves develop can often move into the future. Winner “ve opened” that rarest of things: a opening to the in-game footballers mind and gave us a fascinating glimpse of how the cogs move.

I go and ask the kit man what emblazon were wearing if its red-faced surface, grey abruptlies, grey socks or pitch-black socks. Then I lie in bed the darknes before video games and visualise myself tallying points or doing well. Youre trying to put yourself in that minute and trying to prepare yourself, to have a remembering before video games. I dont know if youd call it visualising or dreaming, but Ive always done it, my whole life. When I was younger, I used to visualise myself tallying wonder objectives, substance like that. From 30 gardens out, dribbling through units. You used to visualise yourself doing all that, and when youre playing professionally, you realise its important for your cooking. Its like when you play snooker, youre always remembering three or four hits down the line. With football, its like that. Youve got to think three or four moves where the ball is going to come to down the line. And the very best footballers, theyre able to see that before much more quickly than a lot of other footballers you need to know where everyone is on the tone. You need to see everything. Wayne Rooney

Did Wayne Rooney visualise this goal against Manchester City or just anticipate the cross quicker than anybody else did? Image: Matthew Peters/ Man Utd via Getty Images

I once tried to razz this profundity of thought out of Alan Shearer when asking how he tallied a aim that he considered to be his greatest but, even after knocking on the door in as numerous new and interesting rooms as I could muster, he wouldnt let me in: That volley was one in a hundred I belief, he said. Its an answer that could have been given by thousands of other footballers who perhaps dont understand that what they are able to do and the rush at which they do it is extraordinary.

In the same room that pilots construe “the worlds” in slow-motion, the very best footballers are often spoken about as having this hyper-developed gumption when it comes to digesting multiple flows. Anyone who previously played with or against a former or current professional who has taken a step down to play an amateur activity, can see this first-hand. A musician such as Jan Molby, even when bellying out of his shirt and years past retirement, can run a game without moving. This is all part of the prowes of understanding space. Xavi, while has become a much more energetic proponent of this ship, stirred football sound like a manic competition of Tetris in a brilliant interview with Sid Lowe in 2011.

Think promptly, look for seats. Thats what I do: look for openings. All date. Im ever appearing. All daytime, the working day. Here? No. There? No. Public who havent played dont always realise how hard that is. Space, space, opening. Its like being on the PlayStation. I believe shit, the defenders here, play it there. I visualize the opening and pass. Thats what I do. Xavi

With socks down round his ankles and his play seemingly shortfall the gloss of other upper-echelon participates, Thomas Mller can give off the intuition of has become a forward who plays in the moment, never stopping for long enough to consider what it is that has induced him so effective. But in fact the opposite is true. In a piece for Eight by Eight magazine by Uli Hesse, the Bayern Munich player addrest astutely about the significance he targets on timing. And although he clearly checks his persona as being different to a metronomic passer such as Xavi or Pirlo, he considers his near-perfect punctuality in the six-yard casket as being a product of his ability to calculate intervals in a razor-sharp fad. In reality, he has thought about his role on the football lurch to such an extent that he has invented a refer for it.

Im an translator of opening. Every good, successful actor, specially an attacking actor, has a well-developed feel of seat and occasion. Its not a phenomenon you exclusively find in two or three people on ground. Every great striker knows its all about the timing between members of the public who plays the pass and the person making a run into the right zone. Its good-for-nothing new when you make a pass, you dont ever do it for yourself. Often you do it to open the door for a team-mate. Thomas Mller

So it would appear that some of the very best footballers, when made to feel comfy and requested the right queries, view their visual to better understand seat and experience as being vital components in putting them at the top of their profession. But what about one of the best, a participate who moved all over the pitch in the unhurried way of someone who had “ve been there” and done it a thousand times before, even at a relatively young age. In the fascinating documentary, Zidane: A 21 st Century Portrait, the Real Madrid legend and World Cup winner conjures an image of himself as an ethereal attendance on the football pitching with psychic powers.

Zinedine Zidane knew exactly what was going to happen.

I can imagine that I can sounds the ticking of a watch I recollect playing in another place, at another time, when something amazing happened. Person overtook the ball to me, and before even touching it, I knew exactly what was going to happen. I knew I was going to score. Zinedine Zidane

There are millions of words written and spoken about football and footballers every day. Some good. Some bad. On subjects of tactics, feelings, hopes and reveries, were well gratified for. So when one of video games enormous, such as Zidane, lets us into his head mid-match even for exactly a few moments it puts out. Well done to those reporters who get us there. And kudos to the footballers who take the time to think.

The post Here’s a conclude: how do footballers do what the hell is do? | Gregg Bakowski appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2z3Syg0 via IFTTT

[sleeplesssecrets]

ive been thinking about writing here for several nights in a row and i just havent, so im going to sit down and dedicate a little bit of time to this blog for a minute. i miss having the strong desire to blog on here rarely, instead of having a weak desire to do it more often. i dont know if that makes sense. today i went out with my friend to go ice skating which is so much harder than people make it look. im really bad at it like i knew i would be. i have little to no athletic abilities to begin with, and i am pigeon toed. i cant roller blade and i learned to ride a bike when i was 9 which is a lot older than a lot of people. she was very supportive of me but shes not an amazing teacher so i kind of suffered but had fun anyways. she really believes in me for some reason and went out of her way to buy me a used pair of ice skates. she has ridiculous pipe dreams for me. she thinks im going to be good at it before my next birthday. she has no idea how horrible i am at things. im so bad at things. yesterday my fiance and i went to whole foods with my sister and her husband and sampled wines ?? it was more than samples tho. i was sufficiently drunk by the third “sample”. according to my friend, im a lightweight tho so. i dont want to build up a tolerance tho. i find it hilarious it takes little to nothing for me to feel drunk. i used to, and still dont, fully understand people who love getting drunk and seem like they brag about it. but i get it now i think? it’s so much fun haha. theres a loud large fly in my house annoying me. loud large bugs that fly are a pet peeve of mine. if i were granted one wish i would wish the earth had an ecosystem that didnt rely heavily on bugs. i hate bugs. except for bees. bees are good and pure. anyways i took this personality test a youtuber suggested and it fucking read me. it’s called the enneagram and i did it with my mom, it read her too. i want everyone in the world to take it honestly so i can read them haha. the only person so far it wasnt as accurate as it was for me was my fiance. tanner rarely fits into categories tho, which is why i thought hed be a nine like me, but hes a two. but im not convinced. at first i didnt want to be a nine but im ok with it now. some places call the nine the mediator which i hate. i hate being pinned as someone who doesnt take a side. mediator is a bad word for what i actually do. im not vocal about my stance, and i dont mediate, i crawl back into the shadows of “debates” (poorly executed arguments imo) and dont speak up. im a hypocrite because i do call myself a feminist and an ally, but im not a very good ally. you cant rely on me to open other people up to feminist ideas because unless it’s a big important issue, i avoid conflict. it’s really hard for me to speak up about feminism because everyone else seems too argumentative and fight-y. im more flight-y. run away. avoid. nevermind. ignore. block. it’s integral to my mental health, is an excuse of mine when i dont speak up, or when i choose bliss (ignorance) on a given subject. anyways im obsessed with this personality test. i want to know all of the types and type people without making them do a test. you know when you meet someone and they immediately remind you of someone else? it’s like they have the same type maybe. and thats what i wanna know. the enneagram is big for me. bigger than astrology which i love and used to live by. i still believe in the stars tho. this week im ovulating, which is suckish but always fun. hormones are fun. if i could be hormonal without the pain all the time, i would. it affects my sexuality not just in my libido, but my attraction to genders. my bi-ness fluctuates and this week is a women week. we were watching the trailers before a movie the other day and every actress i recognized, my body physically responded to my attraction to those people. anyways i dont get out a lot so it doesnt take much of the outside world to make me happy. tanner hates even going on walks especially if he finds them pointless, he’d rather be at home chillin. which is something i used to bother him about very very much but i stopped because i realized that is one thing about him that i can’t budge him on. so when im riding passenger in a mostly quite car with people i love watching the sunset over the highway we’re on, im really living. it’s weird but cars for me can be really good places for my mind. i can almost clear my mind and focus on my breathing when im in a car riding in silence. on the ride home today, watching the sunset on the highway in the quiet van with my friend driving, i told her i was sorry for being so quiet. i told her i was focusing on my breathing, which was true, but she probably thought i meant because of my asthma. i had a close one today so she knows i have problems with it every now and again. by that time tho, i was actually feeling better so i was using that glorious time in the car to breathe all the way into my lungs and breathe all the way out. it’s a pattern of breathing i only do when i have just recently used my inhaler, or right before i am totally awake. and when i can breathe like that, i can almost dissociate on purpose and peel myself off of the vinyl of reality like a sticker. when i finally got used to having sleep paralysis, i stopped hallucinating sounds and shadows, and began lucid dreaming in those minutes before falling asleep again. i can be awake and aware in my head and vividly exist on what feels like a foggy plane separating myself and the physical place im in. anyways i normally dont talk about this because i like having it as my own little fun secret with myself but no one reads this blog and it has lots of other dumb secrets on it so they all kind of drown each other out in the white noise of a space on the internet dedicated to me talking almost exclusively to myself. i get attached to things and i never want the good things or the good people in my life to end and i have an insecurity that my relationships aren’t real and im in constant need of validation of friendship from certain people and when i start feeling like i want to stop typing i get sad that something i spend nearly an hour working on is just going to be another post on this blog. and because i hate revisiting the past i probably wont read it again for a long while. so im going to click post and stuff this dull razor into the disposal slot in my wall for later people to find a pile of other dull razors just like it, aging poorly together. 

[apsbicepstraining]

Here’s a conclude: how do footballers do what the hell is do? | Gregg Bakowski

It is not often a footballer expands on what goes through their thoughts when they play at the highest level but when they do it is fascinating

The concerning the relationship between footballers and the media is frequently a extremely naive one. Before a coincide a actor is asked what their hopes are for the challenge onward. Their explanation invariably has them looking forward to the game while perhaps including a bit deflection when steered towards a topic who are able to to be translated into controversy. In post-match interrogations actors are asked how they feel about the result and perhaps something they did in the accord. Through shortfall of age, tirednes or media practice, we often memorize little beyond what feeling a actor is knowing at that moment. This is often no flaw of the footballer or even the interviewer. Thoughtfulness is not provide support to football. Consequently, it is rare to truly understand how a participate does what they do.

What are they envisioning when they are moving their own bodies in a way that enables them to open up cavity where a millisecond ago there appeared to be none? We take for granted, whether sat high up in the digests or when watching on television, how quickly a footballer is able to calculate gesture and day. Our perspective is a false one. The predicament of what they are doing is skewed by interval. When a truly remarkable purpose is scored, such as Mesut zils elegant winner against Ludogorets, it is often is complemented by exaggeration or cliches. When deeper thought is given to how a piece of footballing splendour is crafted, the players take on it is usually overlooked, perhaps because were not used to hearing anything from them that tells us something new. Even after reading a 75,000 -word autobiography we can be left wondering, beyond fitness, proficiency or tactical comprehension, what it is that a actor contains that gives them an advantage over others. Relationships, defies, achievements and altercations help build narrative within their life story , not introspection. “Theres” exclusions of course, such as Andrea Pirlos I Think Hence I Play, which intentionally plays up to Pirlos reputation as a cerebral midfield maestro.

On the subject of delivering he paints a picture of a playing realm that isnt so much a fraught mass of moving limbs and testosterone but a series of shapeshifting breaches of which it is his enterprise to thread the ball through.

Ive understood that there is a secret: I see video games in a different way. Its a question of viewpoints, of having a wide field of regard. Being able to see the bigger portrait. Your classic midfielder examines downfield and ensure the sends. Ill focus instead on the space between me and them where I can work the ball through. Its more an issue of geometry than tactics. Andrea Pirlo

Dennis Bergkamp, one of video games great thinkers, has alluded to exhaustive modern-day coaching as one of the reasons participates dont use their own the terms of reference of insight enough. They dont have to think for themselves any more, he told Amy Lawrence. It is all done for them. Its a problem. If they get a new statu, they look to someone as if to say, What do I have to do now? And while Bergkamp was talking specific about the ability to think critically in the midst of video games, his comments pass us a clue as to the lack of faith footballers have in their own ability to self-reflect.

Throughout his more youthful years, Wayne Rooney was pigeon-holed as an instinctive street-footballer, fearless and reliant on playing off the cuff. Hed have been the last being you would have picked to give careful consideration to how it is that he has been capable of doing things on a tar which go beyond the vast majority of other professionals. But in a uncover interrogation with David Winner he explained that he relies heavily on visualisation to prepare for parallels and his thoughts as moves develop can often move into the future. Winner “ve opened” that rarest of things: a opening to the in-game footballers mind and gave us a fascinating glimpse of how the cogs move.

I go and ask the kit man what emblazon were wearing if its red-faced surface, grey abruptlies, grey socks or pitch-black socks. Then I lie in bed the darknes before video games and visualise myself tallying points or doing well. Youre trying to put yourself in that minute and trying to prepare yourself, to have a remembering before video games. I dont know if youd call it visualising or dreaming, but Ive always done it, my whole life. When I was younger, I used to visualise myself tallying wonder objectives, substance like that. From 30 gardens out, dribbling through units. You used to visualise yourself doing all that, and when youre playing professionally, you realise its important for your cooking. Its like when you play snooker, youre always remembering three or four hits down the line. With football, its like that. Youve got to think three or four moves where the ball is going to come to down the line. And the very best footballers, theyre able to see that before much more quickly than a lot of other footballers you need to know where everyone is on the tone. You need to see everything. Wayne Rooney

Did Wayne Rooney visualise this goal against Manchester City or just anticipate the cross quicker than anybody else did? Image: Matthew Peters/ Man Utd via Getty Images

I once tried to razz this profundity of thought out of Alan Shearer when asking how he tallied a aim that he considered to be his greatest but, even after knocking on the door in as numerous new and interesting rooms as I could muster, he wouldnt let me in: That volley was one in a hundred I belief, he said. Its an answer that could have been given by thousands of other footballers who perhaps dont understand that what they are able to do and the rush at which they do it is extraordinary.

In the same room that pilots construe “the worlds” in slow-motion, the very best footballers are often spoken about as having this hyper-developed gumption when it comes to digesting multiple flows. Anyone who previously played with or against a former or current professional who has taken a step down to play an amateur activity, can see this first-hand. A musician such as Jan Molby, even when bellying out of his shirt and years past retirement, can run a game without moving. This is all part of the prowes of understanding space. Xavi, while has become a much more energetic proponent of this ship, stirred football sound like a manic competition of Tetris in a brilliant interview with Sid Lowe in 2011.

Think promptly, look for seats. Thats what I do: look for openings. All date. Im ever appearing. All daytime, the working day. Here? No. There? No. Public who havent played dont always realise how hard that is. Space, space, opening. Its like being on the PlayStation. I believe shit, the defenders here, play it there. I visualize the opening and pass. Thats what I do. Xavi

With socks down round his ankles and his play seemingly shortfall the gloss of other upper-echelon participates, Thomas Mller can give off the intuition of has become a forward who plays in the moment, never stopping for long enough to consider what it is that has induced him so effective. But in fact the opposite is true. In a piece for Eight by Eight magazine by Uli Hesse, the Bayern Munich player addrest astutely about the significance he targets on timing. And although he clearly checks his persona as being different to a metronomic passer such as Xavi or Pirlo, he considers his near-perfect punctuality in the six-yard casket as being a product of his ability to calculate intervals in a razor-sharp fad. In reality, he has thought about his role on the football lurch to such an extent that he has invented a refer for it.

Im an translator of opening. Every good, successful actor, specially an attacking actor, has a well-developed feel of seat and occasion. Its not a phenomenon you exclusively find in two or three people on ground. Every great striker knows its all about the timing between members of the public who plays the pass and the person making a run into the right zone. Its good-for-nothing new when you make a pass, you dont ever do it for yourself. Often you do it to open the door for a team-mate. Thomas Mller

So it would appear that some of the very best footballers, when made to feel comfy and requested the right queries, view their visual to better understand seat and experience as being vital components in putting them at the top of their profession. But what about one of the best, a participate who moved all over the pitch in the unhurried way of someone who had “ve been there” and done it a thousand times before, even at a relatively young age. In the fascinating documentary, Zidane: A 21 st Century Portrait, the Real Madrid legend and World Cup winner conjures an image of himself as an ethereal attendance on the football pitching with psychic powers.

Zinedine Zidane knew exactly what was going to happen.

I can imagine that I can sounds the ticking of a watch I recollect playing in another place, at another time, when something amazing happened. Person overtook the ball to me, and before even touching it, I knew exactly what was going to happen. I knew I was going to score. Zinedine Zidane

There are millions of words written and spoken about football and footballers every day. Some good. Some bad. On subjects of tactics, feelings, hopes and reveries, were well gratified for. So when one of video games enormous, such as Zidane, lets us into his head mid-match even for exactly a few moments it puts out. Well done to those reporters who get us there. And kudos to the footballers who take the time to think.

The post Here’s a conclude: how do footballers do what the hell is do? | Gregg Bakowski appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2z3Syg0 via IFTTT

[apsbicepstraining]

Here’s a conclude: how do footballers do what the hell is do? | Gregg Bakowski

It is not often a footballer expands on what goes through their thoughts when they play at the highest level but when they do it is fascinating

The concerning the relationship between footballers and the media is frequently a extremely naive one. Before a coincide a actor is asked what their hopes are for the challenge onward. Their explanation invariably has them looking forward to the game while perhaps including a bit deflection when steered towards a topic who are able to to be translated into controversy. In post-match interrogations actors are asked how they feel about the result and perhaps something they did in the accord. Through shortfall of age, tirednes or media practice, we often memorize little beyond what feeling a actor is knowing at that moment. This is often no flaw of the footballer or even the interviewer. Thoughtfulness is not provide support to football. Consequently, it is rare to truly understand how a participate does what they do.

What are they envisioning when they are moving their own bodies in a way that enables them to open up cavity where a millisecond ago there appeared to be none? We take for granted, whether sat high up in the digests or when watching on television, how quickly a footballer is able to calculate gesture and day. Our perspective is a false one. The predicament of what they are doing is skewed by interval. When a truly remarkable purpose is scored, such as Mesut zils elegant winner against Ludogorets, it is often is complemented by exaggeration or cliches. When deeper thought is given to how a piece of footballing splendour is crafted, the players take on it is usually overlooked, perhaps because were not used to hearing anything from them that tells us something new. Even after reading a 75,000 -word autobiography we can be left wondering, beyond fitness, proficiency or tactical comprehension, what it is that a actor contains that gives them an advantage over others. Relationships, defies, achievements and altercations help build narrative within their life story , not introspection. “Theres” exclusions of course, such as Andrea Pirlos I Think Hence I Play, which intentionally plays up to Pirlos reputation as a cerebral midfield maestro.

On the subject of delivering he paints a picture of a playing realm that isnt so much a fraught mass of moving limbs and testosterone but a series of shapeshifting breaches of which it is his enterprise to thread the ball through.

Ive understood that there is a secret: I see video games in a different way. Its a question of viewpoints, of having a wide field of regard. Being able to see the bigger portrait. Your classic midfielder examines downfield and ensure the sends. Ill focus instead on the space between me and them where I can work the ball through. Its more an issue of geometry than tactics. Andrea Pirlo

Dennis Bergkamp, one of video games great thinkers, has alluded to exhaustive modern-day coaching as one of the reasons participates dont use their own the terms of reference of insight enough. They dont have to think for themselves any more, he told Amy Lawrence. It is all done for them. Its a problem. If they get a new statu, they look to someone as if to say, What do I have to do now? And while Bergkamp was talking specific about the ability to think critically in the midst of video games, his comments pass us a clue as to the lack of faith footballers have in their own ability to self-reflect.

Throughout his more youthful years, Wayne Rooney was pigeon-holed as an instinctive street-footballer, fearless and reliant on playing off the cuff. Hed have been the last being you would have picked to give careful consideration to how it is that he has been capable of doing things on a tar which go beyond the vast majority of other professionals. But in a uncover interrogation with David Winner he explained that he relies heavily on visualisation to prepare for parallels and his thoughts as moves develop can often move into the future. Winner “ve opened” that rarest of things: a opening to the in-game footballers mind and gave us a fascinating glimpse of how the cogs move.

I go and ask the kit man what emblazon were wearing if its red-faced surface, grey abruptlies, grey socks or pitch-black socks. Then I lie in bed the darknes before video games and visualise myself tallying points or doing well. Youre trying to put yourself in that minute and trying to prepare yourself, to have a remembering before video games. I dont know if youd call it visualising or dreaming, but Ive always done it, my whole life. When I was younger, I used to visualise myself tallying wonder objectives, substance like that. From 30 gardens out, dribbling through units. You used to visualise yourself doing all that, and when youre playing professionally, you realise its important for your cooking. Its like when you play snooker, youre always remembering three or four hits down the line. With football, its like that. Youve got to think three or four moves where the ball is going to come to down the line. And the very best footballers, theyre able to see that before much more quickly than a lot of other footballers you need to know where everyone is on the tone. You need to see everything. Wayne Rooney

Did Wayne Rooney visualise this goal against Manchester City or just anticipate the cross quicker than anybody else did? Image: Matthew Peters/ Man Utd via Getty Images

I once tried to razz this profundity of thought out of Alan Shearer when asking how he tallied a aim that he considered to be his greatest but, even after knocking on the door in as numerous new and interesting rooms as I could muster, he wouldnt let me in: That volley was one in a hundred I belief, he said. Its an answer that could have been given by thousands of other footballers who perhaps dont understand that what they are able to do and the rush at which they do it is extraordinary.

In the same room that pilots construe “the worlds” in slow-motion, the very best footballers are often spoken about as having this hyper-developed gumption when it comes to digesting multiple flows. Anyone who previously played with or against a former or current professional who has taken a step down to play an amateur activity, can see this first-hand. A musician such as Jan Molby, even when bellying out of his shirt and years past retirement, can run a game without moving. This is all part of the prowes of understanding space. Xavi, while has become a much more energetic proponent of this ship, stirred football sound like a manic competition of Tetris in a brilliant interview with Sid Lowe in 2011.

Think promptly, look for seats. Thats what I do: look for openings. All date. Im ever appearing. All daytime, the working day. Here? No. There? No. Public who havent played dont always realise how hard that is. Space, space, opening. Its like being on the PlayStation. I believe shit, the defenders here, play it there. I visualize the opening and pass. Thats what I do. Xavi

With socks down round his ankles and his play seemingly shortfall the gloss of other upper-echelon participates, Thomas Mller can give off the intuition of has become a forward who plays in the moment, never stopping for long enough to consider what it is that has induced him so effective. But in fact the opposite is true. In a piece for Eight by Eight magazine by Uli Hesse, the Bayern Munich player addrest astutely about the significance he targets on timing. And although he clearly checks his persona as being different to a metronomic passer such as Xavi or Pirlo, he considers his near-perfect punctuality in the six-yard casket as being a product of his ability to calculate intervals in a razor-sharp fad. In reality, he has thought about his role on the football lurch to such an extent that he has invented a refer for it.

Im an translator of opening. Every good, successful actor, specially an attacking actor, has a well-developed feel of seat and occasion. Its not a phenomenon you exclusively find in two or three people on ground. Every great striker knows its all about the timing between members of the public who plays the pass and the person making a run into the right zone. Its good-for-nothing new when you make a pass, you dont ever do it for yourself. Often you do it to open the door for a team-mate. Thomas Mller

So it would appear that some of the very best footballers, when made to feel comfy and requested the right queries, view their visual to better understand seat and experience as being vital components in putting them at the top of their profession. But what about one of the best, a participate who moved all over the pitch in the unhurried way of someone who had “ve been there” and done it a thousand times before, even at a relatively young age. In the fascinating documentary, Zidane: A 21 st Century Portrait, the Real Madrid legend and World Cup winner conjures an image of himself as an ethereal attendance on the football pitching with psychic powers.

Zinedine Zidane knew exactly what was going to happen.

I can imagine that I can sounds the ticking of a watch I recollect playing in another place, at another time, when something amazing happened. Person overtook the ball to me, and before even touching it, I knew exactly what was going to happen. I knew I was going to score. Zinedine Zidane

There are millions of words written and spoken about football and footballers every day. Some good. Some bad. On subjects of tactics, feelings, hopes and reveries, were well gratified for. So when one of video games enormous, such as Zidane, lets us into his head mid-match even for exactly a few moments it puts out. Well done to those reporters who get us there. And kudos to the footballers who take the time to think.

The post Here’s a conclude: how do footballers do what the hell is do? | Gregg Bakowski appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2z3Syg0 via IFTTT