#in other news ive been thinking about them a lot again but unfortunately i seem to have lost the ability to draw

[iratusmus]

i know i mostly just make stupid joke posts about them but unironically fiona/scourge is such a fascinating relationship that could be so so very interesting but people just insist on joker/harley quinn-ifying them for reasons beyond my comprehension and call it the most interesting reading of the relationship and wow it really does just baffle me

[snekdood]

i worry a lot about some transfems and its not me trying to be like "im better than you" or some shit its bc some of them remind me of me when i was a kid and new into being considered a girl/woman and being really naive thinking people would treat me better than they would- like i knew people were gonna be shitty but i wasnt prepared for the sheer amount of dehumanization and being reduced to just a sex object... idk... I just want some of you out there to be careful...

[angel-kyo]

Pay it no mind

Part VIII

In which reader confesses their feelings to Gojo, but it seems these are not returned (maybe?).

Warnings: reader is on the receiving end of rejection (kinda), and the fact that I'm obsessed with unrequited love is a warning itself.

Previous: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII

----------------------

“Don’t tell me you’re scared, Suguru.” Satoru smirked at his friend, who rolled his eyes in response.

“As if I would lose to you.” Suguru passed him the ball. “Give it your best.”

Satoru was aiming for the hoop when Shoko arrived at the basketball court just in time to see him miss the shot.

Geto laughed at him. “Yeah, I'm terrified,” he said sarcastically. “If you need support, maybe Shoko can join your team.”

“Heck no,” the girl said with a light smirk on her face as she sat down on the floor.

“It’s still a tie, isn’t it?” Gojo retrieved the ball and passed it back to Suguru. He then looked at Shoko. “Where is [name]?”

She lifted her gaze to meet Gojo’s easy smile. “I think they went out.”

Satoru knew you had plans, but he had figured you would come and check on him and Suguru before leaving. That was what you always did after they returned from a mission in which you had not been included, and he would do the same for you in the rare occasions you were not sent with him.

“With that guy from the coffee shop?” Gojo turned to Suguru’s voice. He had left the ball on the floor and joined Shoko.

Shoko nodded and another smaller, even softer smile started forming on her lips. “I think so.”

Geto had meant no malice with his question, but with the number of times you had escaped the school grounds to go to the city, and how often you had mentioned your new friend and talked about the many things you had in common, he had finally picked up on what all of Shoko’s teasing was about. To him, it looked like you were excited about your new friend, the same way kids in elementary school would be ecstatic every time they met someone who matched their likes and energy.

“Again, huh?” Satoru picked up the ball Suguru had abandoned, and threw it again. This time it went right through the hoop. He did not chase after it.

Unfortunately, Satoru was still much like a child as well, and he did not seem so happy about being detached of his position as your closest and most exciting friend. He was used to being the one you would go out with, laugh the most with and tell all the news about the things you liked, even if he did not share the same interests. Thinking about you doing that with someone else... it just did not feel right.

“I don’t get what's so great about him, though.” Suguru noticed how his friend's mood had changed by his tone.

Shoko saw the ball Satoru had thrown bounce away.

“They have a lot in common, and he is actually nice,” she commented.

Ieiri was not trying to be mean. In fact, she felt a bit bad for Gojo. Since Ikeda had entered your social circle, you had been spending a significant part of your free time with him. You would still spend time with her here and there, so it had not really been enough for her to miss you, but she realized that, for Gojo, who was used to being around you most of the time, that was probably not enough.

He's used to the whole feast, and you are feeding him crumbles.

“It’s good they are having fun,” Suguru supported.

“Yeah, I guess,” Satoru mumbled.

What Satoru had really wanted to say was that the four of you would always have the most fun together. You had other friends, he knew that, but you had never seemed so... captivated by any of them. Could it be you were not having fun with him anymore?

Suguru’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “Are they...dating?”

The question had been directed to Shoko, but it was Satoru the one who froze in place. That possibility had not crossed his mind.

"I mean, how do you know you like someone like... you know... romantically?" Your voice echoed in his head.

Had you been talking about that guy?

Ieiri shrugged. “It’s not my place to say. Wouldn’t Gojo know?” Her look in Satoru’s direction indicated she was passing the question to him.

“They are not,” the white-haired boy replied too quickly.

Maybe he had answered what he wanted to believe, but you would have told him if that were the case, right? Because you would not hide that from him, right?

***

“Satoru, do you remember Ikeda?”

You had held it in for too long. Once you started talking, the words burst out faster than you could think them through. You told him everything about how you had reencountered with Haruki; the shampoo, the store, him living abroad, Osaka, Tokyo, the book he had lent you, everything.

In a strange way, it felt as if you were coming clean about an infidelity, which did not make any sense, so you ignored that thought.

I didn't do anything wrong. Not telling him things makes me feel guilty, that's all.

But what was stranger was that Gojo listened to you in complete silence.

“...So that’s what I wanted to tell you.” You held your breath.

Satoru's expression was the perfect definition of poker face, and you felt like he was going to call all your bets off any second.

However, his reaction shocked you.

“I see... Well, then are you ready to go? The movie will start soon.” He stood up, still looking at you.

“What?” Did he even listen? “I mean, y-yes, I’m ready, but…” He was already marching away from you.

“Hm?” He tilted his head.

Was he really not going to say anything? You had said all of that aloud, had you not? You blinked once, twice.

“Nothing... Let’s go.” You followed after him.

***

Satoru had been rather quiet on your way to the theater, and even quieter during the movie, which, while being socially expected from the public during any type of performance, was unusual on him. And now, he was barely looking your way, fully devoted to his ice cream.

You held your own ice cream to your lips and kept an eye on the man sitting next to you.

He said nothing; yet why do I feel like we are not okay?

Satoru looked at you. “Not hungry?”

“Too much popcorn, I guess. Do you want it?” You offered him your ice cream and he took it with the same smile he would always have when accepting anything you had not eaten.

More silence followed.

Once he finished, he placed his hands on the table.

“What did you think about the movie?” you asked, itching for conversation. Quiet Satoru was a scary Satoru.

“It was good,” he replied without looking at you. His eyes were scanning the few other customers at the ice cream shop; a family ordering at the counter, two young girls at the next table, and a couple sitting farther away.

He wondered if you two also looked like a couple. Probably not now, he thought, we are not even talking much. If anything, we look like a couple having a silent fight.

He knew he was being stiff in comparison to what he was always like around you, but he could not help it. It was not only that Ikeda Haruki had returned unexpectedly or that you and he had been seeing each other over the past weeks. What truly disturbed Gojo was that you had not mentioned a word about it until now.

He did not want to think of what kind of relationship you had with Ikeda now, but he had thought you told each other pretty much everything. If you were ‘seeing’ someone, in whatever way it was, what did it mean that you had kept it from him for so long?

***

“Doesn’t he have to work or something?” Satoru was glaring at Ikeda, who was at another table and whose hand was resting too close to yours.

Your classmates had gone to pick you up to have dinner together, but when Shoko saw you sitting at a table for two with Haruki, she had pushed the boys to a different table.

“We are the only people here and we told the other waiter we would not order anything, so…”

“But shouldn’t we be leaving?”

From his angle, Suguru could peek at Satoru’s eyes narrowing behind his shades.

Suguru checked the time on his cellphone. “There is no rush, and it would be rude to interrupt them.” He looked at you then back at Gojo.

As time progressed, he had noticed Satoru growing more and more irritated whenever Haruki was mentioned, not to say the ready-to-kill look on his face at the sight of the poor guy.

If asked about it, Satoru would only say that he did not trust your 'friend', who had appeared from nowhere, who was a non-sorcerer, and who was obviously 'a player'. You were aware of Satoru’s opinions on Ikeda, but you had always dismissed his comments as friendly concern. Geto had thought so too at first, remembering how Satoru had also been a bit territorial when you and he first started hanging out. However, Satoru had eased on him sooner rather than later.

On the contrary, Gojo's attitude towards Ikeda was not improving; in fact, it was getting worse. Suguru was no longer sure there were no deeper feelings involved.

“Shoko?” Satoru looked at her, convinced that she would be reasonable and give him the green light to go there and take you home.

“No,” was all she said without even taking her eyes off her cellphone.

“He is going to talk their ears off,” Gojo murmured.

Shoko thought Gojo was no different. Yaga often scolded him for talking too much in class, and half of those times, it was you the one he had been talking to. However, Satoru would probably be offended if she dared compare him to Haruki out of all people.

“I don’t think they mind,” she only commented, because it seemed true. She had heard you praise Haruki’s sense of humor and conversation a handful of times. He was lively and always had something nice to say, or so was your opinion.

The three of them saw you get up and rush to them. “His break is over. Sorry I made you wait.”

“It’s fine." Suguru smiled and everyone stood up. "Satoru is in a bit of a hurry to get that pizza, though.”

“Let’s go,” Satoru said, casually wrapping an arm around your shoulders as he looked in Haruki’s direction once more.

One day, after you returned to the dorms, Satoru had been waiting for you, saying he wanted to borrow something, and he also took the opportunity to ask if you were dating ‘the flirty waiter guy’.

“Don’t call him that," you had told him. "And no, it’s not like that. We are just friends.”

If he has such pure intentions as [name] believes, he won’t mind.

But when Gojo looked at him, Haruki was no longer wearing that sweet smile that he despised so much. Their eyes locked.

You turned your head to wave goodbye to Ikeda once more and Satoru saw the boy's defying expression swiftly transform into that of the innocent friend you praised so much.

I knew it.

Satoru had never wanted to pull you away from someone faster.

***

Yeah, I remember him all too well.

Satoru was laying on his bed in the comfort of his home. After your little outing to the movies and the ice cream shop, he had walked you home but made no excuse to stay at your place.

He had felt bad for cutting all your conversation attempts short, but he had not been himself; just as he had not meant to completely ignore everything you said about Haruki at your home, but he had, and he understood he made you both uncomfortable in the process.

Of course that threw you off. You had spoken for a while, briefing him on all the events that had taken place in the last weeks concerning the guy that was back in your life, as if you were reporting the details of a mission to Yaga, and Satoru had just dismissed it as if you had told him you had seen a bird outside.

He had listened to every word you said, but...

“You don’t get to decide who I hang out with,” you had told him a long time ago.

If he voiced his thoughts, would that open a crack between you two again?

He tossed and turned all night. Your bed was definitely more comfortable.

----------------------

Note: I just wanted to say thank you all for reading. I know I always say it, but I mean it, so I want you to know I do. <3

Next: Part IX

@mavs-stuff @witchbybirth @crookedlyaddictedone-blog @tqd4455 @maybe-a-bi-witch @mo0nforme @maliakealoha @zacatecanaaaa @blushhpeachh @astriarose @missesgojosatoru @ba-ks @sukunasleftkneecap

[sollucets]

beloveds @khaotunq, @pranink & @alexshenry tagged me to do:

every month of 2023! list your favorite/most popular gifset for each month.

i started making gifs in march this year, so january/february are off the table for this. it's funny that it hasn't even been a full year yet. it seems both somehow a lot longer and also like i remain some kind of photoshop baby at the same time. the images in this post will remain undescribed until i have some energy in my failing body, unfortunately

in any case:

march: midnight museum invades all 2 of my braincells. i download photoshop. the end is nigh

most popular: msp/eclipse pool parallel set

favorite: the bams i made for sof

(notes: it's hard to look back at these lmao. what is coloring and why don't i know her. why is everything so dark. who told me to use noise dithering and why did i ever think that was a good idea. anyway)

april: the eighth sense is airing! i meet many mutuals and friends. i figure out about the curves tool (thank god)

most popular: taehyung getting dunked on

(very deserved dunk; very bad set. the coloring of this scene was extremely questionable and i did nothing to fix it it looks so dull and gray. augh)

favorite: feet lining up / jihyun & jaewon on the beach

i really like this coloring actually. it's bright enough to actually see them, their skin doesn't look as weird, and i like the soft pink i made the beach. a win for baby photoshop user rowan

may: the purple is in full swing now

most popular: purple yok

first set to cross 1k! the purple is still very good but in hindsight there are things i now know i couldve done to help his skin. in any case. a banger. beloved

favorite: pink our skyy 2 hands set

[through tears] you're my space. also my first try at typography

june: i lose the will to gif some in the back half of this month, but i also learn to do a Lot of new things, like gradient maps & more complicated typography and transitions and such

most popular: puzzle piece hugs!

deserved! hard to gif and fun to look at

favorite: i think it might be the heartliming i made for vi now! but i still like khathadome from eden too.

july: i try giffing a few different shows. the only friends trailer comes out on the last day and i enter some kind of terrifying fugue state

most popular: sand and ray fighting / crying in the ofts trailer

do you guys remember the trailer 1080p? life was so good

favorite: nobody appreciates my ride enough

august: only friends airs, eclipse anniversary is concurrent, i lose my mind. i also learn to use the method of brightening that i still use & several other fundamental gif tricks

most popular: sandray car makeout

good for them! i start using significant grain on my ofts gifs from here on out and can never decide how i feel about that

favorite: orange/blue eclipse episode seven set

september: the madness continues

most popular: sand cooking for ray / special

ive giffed this scene three times and this is my least favorite coloring but what can you do. this is my third post to cross 1k

favorite: new rules set! i had mixed feelings when i posted it but it's really grown on me.

october: the madness is so much worse. only friends ends and i am left near-catatonic immediately, apparently. also, i learn to blend and use overlays and some other cool things. i join userdramas :'>

most popular: raysand afterglow. as it should be. cheek kissie

favorite: space girl!! show me the stars!!!

loved making this. purple and sparkly and gay. still super proud. that said other runner-up favorites in october are ray's o-face & the boyfriend shirt & akkaye's thumb thing collection

november: i am left cavernously empty after ofts ends and i fill the void with namtan

most popular: last twilight episode one porjai

she <3

favorite: gaipa userdramas set

again, i learned to use musescore for this set just so i could have those pretty notes. :')

december: i am punched in the face by seasonal depression. all is not well. i made just one gifset this month, but at least it was good? :')

and here we are today !! it was very fun to look over everything; thanks so much for playing and have a happy new year everyone

[incorrectgallaghergirlsquotes]

Hello, can you please write a fic about how Joe proposed to Rachel, and how Rachel answered him? Do you think he also told Zach? Or if not, can you include him like his reaction. Thank you!

Hi! Ask and you shall receive! Maybe just not in the time frame you expected lol First part is after Joe woke up but before the news about Matt got to them and the second while everyone is on the run in book 6.

There were a lot of sounds in that small, makeshift hospital room. The state the spy was in, even now, months after the initial incident, required more medical attention than the Gallagher Academy typically kept on hand. It didn't help that the rooms usual silence amplified everything else. The faint buzzing of the lights, the beeping of machines, his own breathing, and currently, the headmistresses breathing. As well as her pen scratching across some papers as she tried to work.

She had been in the room when he'd woken up. Although he wasn't sure she was aware he had woken up.

She certainly seemed surprised when he spoke.

Her head lifted immediately from the work and turned to face him. "Joe?" she asked, looking him over. "You awake?"

His eyes must have been more closed than he felt they were. Even worse, he realized that when he'd tried to speak it came out much more faint than he'd wanted.

Rachel stood up, moving closer to him until her face appeared over his. Concern was etched into her features. "Joe? Do you need anything?"

He mumbled the same thing as before, it barely coming out any more intelligible, unfortunately. Rachel's brow furrowed and she lowered her face even closer to his. Turning her head, she put her ear near his mouth to make sure she heard him.

"Marry me."

Rachel froze. She turned her head back, taking in his face. Joe was coming to more and more, fighting the drugs they'd been keeping him on. He still looked like he could fall back asleep at any moment, but he was still looking at her, watching her expectantly.

"Joe?" she asked, softly.

"Marry me," he repeated. Now that she knew what he'd said (what she thought he said) there was no mistaking it.

"Joe, you've never wanted to get married."

"I've never been this close to death before either," he said, letting his eyes follow the IV drip from the bag to his arm. His eyes started closing again. "And I couldn't live with myself if I didn't ask after all this."

Rachel realized she was smiling softly to herself. "Well. Ask me again after this then."

She was pretty sure he'd fallen back to sleep. But she also could have sworn she saw him nod.

Zach and Joe weren't unfamiliar with being fugitives. However, they were both unfamiliar with doing it with one of the Morgan women by their sides. It could be argued which of them had it worse, Zach with the additional Gallagher Girls or Joe without them. Still, they trusted one another and knew that sometimes spy work meant being out of contact for a while.

So Zach was a little surprised when one of his burner phones rang and Joe was on the other line. They usually reserved that kind of communicating for life and death situations. Which- well, it kind of was.

They spoke briefly, Joe getting what he needed Zach to know across to the younger man. Zach updated Joe on their end. They were about to end the call when Zach stopped him.

"What is it?" Joe asked.

"You ask her to marry you yet?"

There was a beat before Zach heard Joe inhale to respond. "Holy shit you did," Zach said.

"I did not," Joe said, swiftly. "Technically."

"What does that mean?"

"It means, I will tell you later, at a more appropriate time." Joe scolded.

Zach grinned. "But you will tell me?"

Joe rolled his eyes. "Of course."

[honeekyuu]

hey this is the shy anon from the other day that read through your ao3 and i just wanted to stop in and say to take your time and don’t let these anons get to you. i know you’ve been writing on your ao3 for a while now but your tumblr is literally brand new and i’m honestly at a loss for words that you’re already getting rude anons and people pressuring you to post more.

you seem like a really busy gal and i’d hate for demands like that to burn you out. you’re doing amazing and don’t let anybody be an asshole to you. post what you want when you want/can, i’ve seen far too many people give up on fandom because they feel like they have to constantly churn out content to the detriment of their creativity and passion. you’re so talented and based on the frequency with which you’ve been writing in the last few months it seems like you have a fire in your soul for haikyuu. i hate seeing it taken for granted and i just wanted to let you know you have support in doing whatever the fuck it is you want.

(feel no obligation to reply to this, just wanted to offer some support after seeing such atrocious fandom etiquette literal days into the life of this blog)

wow, i really dont know what to say--

i saw this as soon as you sent it in, but i was honestly super shocked that id gotten it, so ive just been sitting here thinking ab it.

it means probably more than you realize that you sent something so kind. i've been writing for a long long time now (both here on a different blog and on ao3), and it's true that i am very busy, because unfortunately being a phd student and running experiments and spending all my time running back and forth between my advisors and conferences and the lab means i have a schedule thats not really a schedule, and i can never really say when or what im going to be inspired enough to write, enough that i can pull myself out of daily burnout. i experience writing droughts often, sometimes lasting up to a year before i feel the urge to sit down with a doc again. and i have a LOT of half-written fics that have never seen the light of day, which i plan to get back to eventually but which, in reality, may never get finished.

ive gotten so much love and support over the years, and it's brought me back to writing every time. i love haikyuu with my soul, and i think about my fics almost every day because i feel a burning need to write them. if not for anyone else, then just for me.

but this blog is brand new, so, even though that anon i received definitely tops the list of unfriendly comments ive gotten over the many years of writing, i wanted to be as kind and accommodating as possible. because i dont want people to think im ungrateful and will ignore criticism, because no one likes those kinds of writers. but i am also a person, and writing is hard, so i think i will continue to do things my way.

my writing style is this, for anyone who'd like to know: i am erratic, and i dont have an upload schedule, because i cant realistically manage one. i have periods of inactivity, because life is hard, and i have periods of hyperactivity, because i love this fandom and the way that haikyuu makes me feel in a life that's full of terrible feelings. this may annoy some people, and i can understand that. but i cant force myself to write if im not in a place to write, and i cant force myself to stick to one fic at a time, because then it'll be clear that it's been forced.

im extremely annoying and unhinged and feral and i will talk about several different fics and smaus and text threads and headcanons all within the same breath. but i will always write what i love, so if you'd like to see work that is well-loved, feel free to stick around.

thank you very much to everyone whos been so kind in my inbox tonight, and i hope to see you all tomorrow <3

[iantimony]

tuesday!

listening: like everyone and their mother i listened to the new hozier songs this week. they're fine! i dont have any particularly strong feelings about them either way yet, i think i need to relisten to them a few times for it to really get processed, but they were good enough that i'll certainly listen again. i also went and relistened to wasteland, baby because of it and that album still slaps. also, this cherry wine cover:

is very good. i also relistened to the staves' album dead & born & grown because i realized i have windows facing west hehe. what else...my partner's citypop playlist was my music for driving home from the airport on sunday? i wont link that one i'm not sure if it's public or not. and then gym playlist this week was just one of the spotify-made mixes that kinda slams tbh, very early-00s to 10s metal/emo music lol

i've also gotten back into twilight mirage after a bajillion years. it's good! none of the characters really stick in my head besides tender sky and fourteen fifteen unfortunately but hopefully as i listen more they'll become more distinct entities in my head.

reading: i finished the birthday of the world while i was visiting my grandma for spring break!

"solitude": hmmm. this one was interesting. it left me with a lot of questions but i think that might have been the point. 6/10.

"old music and the slave woman": i think i might have benefited from more background, i was mostly able to piece together the factions but i definitely had to puzzle over it a bit. apparently there are a lot of links to stories in another collection, four ways to forgiveness, and i'm thinking that i might have wanted to read those first. 4/10.

"the birthday of the world": title story! felt very different from all the other stories in the book, probably because this one and the following novella are the only two set outside of the hainish universe. i liked it. no strong feelings in any particular direction, i don't think. 5/10.

"paradises lost": the novella! i LOVED this one. i dont know if i was somehow exposed to it as a kid, or i learned about generation ships as a story concept from somewhere else, but i often thought about writing a short story about what religion on a generation ship would look like and turns out what i was envisioning already exists. the concept of the cult of bliss felt very realistic and almost obvious in hindsight as something that was bound to happen. i know it's left open on purpose but i reallllly want to know what happened to the ship after it left. i really loved the themes of this one. 9/10.

watching: i watched an episode of the mystery show 'vera' with my grandma when i was visiting lol. it was cute! very kitschy, genre fodder! i liked it! i was very confused because the closing quip/shot seemed to be about the titular character...shoplifting a jacket or something???? like she asked her coworker if she looked any different and he was like ? and she was like ok great and the final shot is her sitting in her car seat and annoyedly ripping the tag off her jacket, so like, ???? not sure if that's a Thing that people know just from watching a lot of it but shrug.

making: iiiiii did not work on my knitting project at all LOL but i did make my neocities site! here she is! still very in progress but hey :D

misc: trip to visit grandma/s and family went fine! everyone is doing well. back to the grind this week.

oh so the gift from my SO: he likes metalworking and similar things so he made me this necklace!

it is, apparently, titanium with embedded sapphire ball bearings! the ball bearings glow in the dark after UV exposure and they're the prettiest shade of teal, it's also a very satisfying fidget texture-wise. he asked me a few months ago what my favorite constellation is and i went "......cassiopeia i guess?? why???" "oh no reason" this was the reason. it's very nice i love it so much

finally, ive started noting down my workout stuff on my dreamwidth page as well! i thought it could be cool to keep track of what weights i'm using over time, what exercises i like and don't like, etc. so that's on there tagged as gains. huzzah

[iridawn]

damn shes using this blog for lore dumps????

somethings ive touched upon only really briefly in my stories/the iridescent bonds continuity, but i havent had the full extent to explore (and likely won't EVER) is dawn's prior relationship, the one with hilda, the protag from gen 5.

while it isnt ever really important, it does kind of influence why she feels in certain ways during iridescent bonds. and, of course, being the Fool i am, ive already got a full idea of what that was like, and all that jazz. ive never really had an excuse to bring it up, and i dont think i ever will. which is fine, although i am a bit sad that character info won't really have a use

...so, here it is, if one is truly interested

Dawn and Hilda met at a Champion Summit about 1 year after Dawn became Champion, where she too was a somewhat fresh addition to the League. Dawn was about 16 or so, give or take, and Hilda was around 16-17 as well.

The two hit it off pretty well, as they were both pretty similar in a lot of ways. Both enjoyed battling a lot, both had dealt with a lot, and they had a few common interests, as well. Dawn appreciated how good she was, as well. They seemed to hit it off pretty well, so they exchanged contact info after the event, keeping up with one another as the months went by. Dawn was glad to make a new friend.

But, of course, those feelings turned into something a little more. She knew Hilda wasn't straight, so she mustered up her courage, and after a few months of them talking and maybe-sorta flirting, she asked Hilda out.

And she said yes!

A long distance relationship, sure, but the Pokemon world's a lot easier for that, so they found lots of time to visit one another, making trips to Unova or Sinnoh. For a while, things seemed great, and they were getting along well, and all that, for about a year of so.

...But Dawn felt like something was missing in it.

Not that Hilda was a bad girlfriend or anything, or that Dawn was a bad girlfriend - literally the farthest thing from. But, despite how close they had gotten, things still felt... distant, and they only seemed to grow moreso as time went on. Not that they were neglecting eachother or not showing care for the other, but just that things felt... off.

Hilda seemed like she always had something else on her mind, and while Dawn didn't mind, it worried her to an extent. Dawn, as well, felt as if she wasn't doing enough. But neither of them had been in a relationship before, so it makes sense things would be awkward.

It was about a year when Dawn brought this up to Hilda, being somewhat concerned about what was going on. "What are we," that kind of thing.

...And they were both honest with themselves - things weren't working out super hot.

Hilda was always busy, looking into leads to finding her best friend, N. He had disappeared years ago, and Hilda was desperate to find him again. Dawn respected this, of course, but it still felt unfortunate.

Dawn was often busy as well, training and practising for what it took to be a League champ, as she was very dedicated to being the best and keeping that title (especially after a rocky performance at the first Summit...), and while Hilda was doing this as well, Dawn's schedule often clashed with her own, which she seemed a little upset by.

Neither of them was in the wrong more than the other - they were both making mistakes. But this was okay, right?

"We can work things out, can't we?"

"...We could, but I need to be honest with myself."

Hilda needed to find N.

She loved Dawn, truly. And she didn't regret a single second of being with her. But, and she'd never say this to Dawn, N was who she was really longing for. He was her best friend, but he was also someone she deeply loved.

Hilda felt awful for it, but her relationship with Dawn felt like it was simply filling that hole in her heart for her, and that she wasn't really feeling it as much as she should. Dawn deserved better than something being meant to fill the gap.

She didn't say this to Dawn, but just stated that N was someone she needed to find. And, that, she was going to travel the world to find him. Dawn could follow if she wanted, but she figured that wouldn't be what she wanted.

Dawn, similarly not wanting to say it saying it, felt as if she had flung herself into this because she was lonely.

She's 16, going through hormones, and was touch starved. You make some rash decisions on romance when you do, it happens!

She also loved Hilda, but as time went on, it was clear it was just the both of them getting together to fill blank spaces in their hearts, and that things weren't working out as smooth as they could.

So, on good terms, they split apart. They both greatly appreciated eachother, and they were both grateful to leave on mutual terms. No bad blood, no bridges burned - they just realized that things weren't working out 100%.

And with Hilda taking her leave to go seek N out, Dawn was left alone once more.

And she felt awful about it.

Flinging herself into a relationship just to feel something, just because she was feeling lonely? Just because she couldn't control how bizarre the emotion of love felt? Dawn felt utterly ridiculous, and she didn't want to do something like this ever again. She was still lonely, but she had to be much more stern about it to herself. She had to put her foot down.

But the pain was still there. The pain that she messed things up, the pain that she felt like, in some capacity, that she had hurt Hilda. What could she have done differently? Would it even be a good idea? How did she know she wasn't going to just do this again the first second she got?

But she still wanted that affection, that closeness with someone. If she was this desperate for it, then would she ever find it in a meaningful way, or would her stupid, ridiculous brain force her to just fling herself into the first chance she got? (This is how she was thinking about it, fwiw)

Dawn beat herself up a lot after this. Lucas, being her best friend, comforted her a lot during these times, as did her mother. And it did help, really. But that fear of having this happen again, of fucking up her chances to find love by just flinging herself into the first relationship she found, really stung.

This, to her, felt like a wakeup call that she had to be more reserved with this kind of thing. She couldn't do this again - she didn't want to.

...Of course, a couple of months later (let's say half a year), Dawn gets flung into Hisui...

So it all works out!

(Basically, her last relationship left her with a lot of worries and fears, because of it basically being a fling. She needed to be way more reserved, to be more careful. Even when her heart yearned, she had to be smarter about it. She didn't want to hurt others, and she certainly didn't want to hurt herself.)

Hope this all didn't seem too mean! I love Hilda, but I just think this is an interesting idea, so this is what's stewed in my brainmind for almost a full dang year.

[salva]

do u find it harder to get into fandom now being an adult? clexa and supercorp were super easy to get into with them airing weekly with each creating a massive fandom and being a teenager / early twenties at their peaks. maybe because warrior nun was cancelled it’s hard to get into now? or maybe being an adult now? idk just been thinking about the past a lot… those past fandoms felt like a community but now they’re so fleeting in hindsight with no real connection

i have to agree with you on that last part, but also apply it to everything nowadays. To paraphrase Warhol, it seems like everything gets 15 minutes of fame and then goes out of fashion just as quickly, which is a real tragedy!

Its harder to be in fandom now for a lot of reasons, and i dont think being an adult is one, so much as the way that fandoms and being in a fandom has evolved from the earlier days to the way that it is now. But I still have a lot to say so phew buckle up because this is long so im gonna put it under the cut.

I also do find it a lot harder to get into fandom, and i think in part it has to do with being an adult, but also ive been 'doing fandom' for about a decade now (geez thats wild to think about lol) and ive been very uneasy and hesitant to engage in fandom the way that it is now. I've seen people being way too nasty and mean to each other, as well as to actors and other people in the media and I absolutely want no part in that! But it seems like those are the people that get the most engagement and it just goes on to encourage that kind of behavior amongst fandoms, that now its the unfortunate norm and i see new fandoms very quickly turn on each other. There is no more 'fandom etiquette' like there once was. Frankly it is way too exhausting and Ive mostly just turned to reblogging funny stuff I like and less fandom oriented which is real sad. I used to have different blogs that i regularly maintained for my main fandoms and around 2018/2019 it started feeling too much like a chore to be in a fandom that i stopped. But in the beginning, when i was really starting to get deeper into fandom was around 2013/2014, and 2013 - 2016 seemed to be imo the golden age of fandom. Everyone had a sense of community, artists and gifers and editors and authors and think piece bloggers were getting so much positive engagement, and it was very easy to fall into a group of people and feel welcome. I still talk to people that I connected with in a group chat for Carmilla! But now it really is a quick 'wham bam, thank you ma'am' sort of deal with show hype, and as someone who got really busy and had a whole lot of (good) life changes happen very quickly, i havent created anything for any fandom in a while, and I have felt a noticeable ostracizement / lack of interaction / friendly communication between me and people that contribute creatively. And I know Im not the only one. I understand though that, again with the new fandom style people close ranks pretty quickly and unless youre a loud (read: mean and/or annoying) voice in the community, people don't really want to have anything to do with you. Then theres the ease now of fans being able to engage with actors and media people and that has its own sets of problems (cough starting with lexa and jroth cough) and i think fans have developed more insane and extreme parasocial relationships with these people that I dont think existed before in the way that they do today. I think fans have a bigger feeling of entitlement towards actors/media people that rubs me in such a wrong way, and then using their platforms to call them ugly / bad actors / shame them for their partners / etc. which i think is so so childish but alas. Its also hard for creators to get engagement because people dont seem to reblog/retweet/share/credit them the way that they once did, and I think that also has to do with the lack of fan driven content, reducing fans interacting in fandoms with each other and resulting in the tapering off of hype and excitement and community that we once shared.

There's just unfortunately too many sad reasons that make it harder to find a sense of community within fandoms and I wish that I could take all the fans and shake them by the shoulders and teach them the proper fandom etiquette that i learned.

[books-and-cookies]

If you dont mind, i think i need some advice. I recently went out with my friend of nearly 15 years for their birthday. They also invited two of their friends they met at work a few years ago (ive met them before so no issue) and during the dinner, I realized halfway through it I was kinda an old childhood toy you kept around because its familiar. Every topic they went through I couldnt contribute to because I didnt work at their workplace, i dont drink alcohol and I dont play first person shooter games (or shooter games in general i enjoy puzzle games and such) and I didnt speak for 95% of the 1.5 hour get together, the one newer friend tried to bring me into conversations but then theyd jump to something new the moment i stopped talking. I realized that our friendship has kinda run its course. The things that were common interests to bring us together are no longer there anymore. I tried talking to them about books the other day and they quickly changed the subject. I try to mention writing - we both used to write and beta each others works - and i get crickets until a day later when they reply with something completely unrelated. Ive even tried with games, to connect that way but because I dont like the same types of games, that falls flat too. Im just torn. Like I said ive been friends with them for nearly 15 years. I dont Want to end the friendship, but i get left on read 9 times outta 10 while they do other things with newer friends. I get forgotten quite often. Even todays plans, I half expected the plans to be cancelled. Again. Should I just let the friendship dissolve? :/

Hey! Apologies for the delay, but i haven't been around much. :(

Unfortunately, it seems you've both grown up and grown apart and that's something that happens eventually. It takes a lot of effort to maintain a friendship for so long, and both parties need to be willing to put in the work and to me it seems your friend has already moved on.

I'd maybe talk to them about it? Share how you're feeling and see what they do. Or simply let it dissolve. Sometimes it's the healthier thing to do.

Sending hugs 🤗

[spacedlexi]

and what the more nuanced opinions about s*yloy?

censoring the ship name 💀 ive been trying to avoid all the post-burning shores drama that seems to be happening in the horizon fandom... ive seen some Nasty stuff getting thrown around and im not just talking about the usual gamer-homophobes (those im unfortunately used to by now)

i think overall theyre cute!! their relationship in this dlc is about how aloy is Truly evolving to accept people into her life on a Deep and Personal level. and i am NOT saying that she doesnt also care deeply for her current cast of friends (i think she might even have Feelings for some of them shes not letting herself be aware of (and im talking since ZD)). but its established in forbidden west that aloy has trouble connecting to people on that deep level, and she more often slips off into the night on her own than choosing to stick by them long term. she cares for them, she'll always help them, but something seems to keep scaring her off

the end of the dlc has aloy saying the idea of a home and tribe has always scared her since she grew up so disconnected from the nora. her development throughout FW (although i had issues with the writing and pacing of it) is about her putting down those walls and Truly letting people into her life. and seyka, being so similar to herself in so many ways yet having a positive relationship with her tribe, is kind of the perfect storm for this new aloy. her feelings are new and clumsy and she stumbles over herself. she doesnt always seem as cool and collected as she usually is and it sometimes seems to even throw her off. its cute!

i dont necessarily have any problem with Them. my problems more so were related to the execution of the writing and pacing of the dlc as a whole. and those problems stem back to the writing and pacing problems ive had since forbidden west... they just kinda got caught in the crossfire a bit (as did some of the FW companions when i first played through but have since warmed up to more). i went back and rewatched my friends stream of it and i found myself less frustrated than i was when we first went through it, but there were still a few moments here and there (between them and in the overarching plot in general) that just made me go 🤨 the execution was messy or weak or strange at times but again thats not just a dlc problem for me. i can at least appreciate the intention of what they were Trying to do with aloy and seyka. and as a plus they hit a number of tropes i really like

i think what bothered me more was the way guerrilla marketed her? its weird because they boasted about how "special and unique" she was when i feel she shares a lot of qualities that aloys other companions also have (down to c-cast characters like ikrie and nakoa). like.. i LIKE all of these characters for these similar qualities! it was just weirdly disrespectful to their own cast? i dont think that was their intention but it was... interesting

especially since i believe this experience with seyka is Massively important for aloy moving forward in regards to her relationships. aloy at the end of the dlc after her time with seyka is Completely Ready to accept what her idea of "home" is, and she realizes thats the connections shes made with the people around her. i really hope seyka gets to escape the dlc and join up with the cast in Horizon 3 (i was already disappointed when ikrie didnt make a reappearance). but since the dlc ended in flashpoints where you could accept or reject her, i Definitely believe this implementation will return in Horizon 3 with our cast of companions (not every aloy chose to kiss seyka so some aloys are returning to base single (but seemingly ready to mingle)). in the past when these flashpoints have come up (like with avad in both ZD and FW) aloy always seems resistant in some way even if you Do choose the heart option. but seyka is evidence that aloy really IS ready for that level of commitment post-BS. and since these are still choices tied to flashpoints, your aloy can do whatever she wants! the point is that regardless of any romance, shes ready to accept her friends as her Tribe

[dbfacets]

Facets: Chapter Ten

Summary: Evil is once again brewing in the Demon Realm.  This time, however, even the Grand Priest is concerned with how things develop, especially when it involves someone from his past...

Author Notes: ive said this about a few other chapters but this is one of my top fav chapters for sure!!!  got some beloved characters of mine in here :) enjoy!

--

Shot begins with a view of the Demon Realm.  There’s spiky rocks and shit like that idk.  Shot focuses on some commotion down below on the ground, where a group of demons are arguing over who’s going to rule next.

UNNAMED DEMON 1 I should be the one to wear the crown!  I’m more worthy than all of you combined!

UNNAMED DEMON 2 Get real!  I’m obviously the strongest!

UNNAMED DEMON 3 You’re both wrong!  I should be the new ruler!

While they’re all bickering, the camera focuses on ESTO peeking out from behind a rock formation.  He looks peeved.  He slinks behind the rock and growls to himself.

ESTO Petty fools…  Don’t they know none of them are worthy of ruling this place?  They hardly compare to King Taoreta…  Hell, even Taoreta pales in comparison to those that came before him.

Shot changes to show silhouettes of past demon rulers.

ESTO (off-screen) This realm used to be crawling with powerful demons, all worthy of being rulers in their own right.  If it weren’t for that damned Omni-King erasing them and their universes, they’d still be here to settle all of this and bring order to the Demon Realm…

Shot changes to show ESTO brooding angrily.

ESTO If only they could be brought back somehow…

He seems to get an idea suddenly, and he then grins wickedly.

Shot changes to show some shinjin planet.  There’s shinjin running around playing and having a good time, I guess waiting to be chosen to be Supreme Kais.  Shot focuses on one shinjin in particular--SUT.  They stop what they’re doing and look over to a tree, where ESTO is peeking out from behind it.  He waves them over.  They curiously look at him for a moment before heading over to meet him.

SUT Who are you?

ESTO I’m just someone looking for help.

SUT Really?  What do you need help with?

ESTO This may sound silly, but...I need help gathering the Super Dragon Balls.  I want to make a very important wish that will help a lot of people.  I don’t know the language of the gods, so I need someone who can make my wish for me.

SUT That does sound important…

They look over their shoulder for a moment before turning back to ESTO.

SUT I think I can help you.  I have really good sight, so I can definitely find them for you.  I’m also fluent in that language, too.

ESTO smiles, and there’s a hint of something sinister in it.

ESTO Thank you so much.

Cut to a shot of the Super Dragon Balls with the dragon being summoned.  SUT and ESTO are floating in front of them.  SUT turns to ESTO.

SUT Okay, what’s the wish?

ESTO grins. Shot changes to show the GRAND PRIEST standing somewhere in ZEN-OH’s palace.  He seems to hesitate as if he senses a disturbance, and he then summons his staff.  He looks into the ball at the end of his staff for a moment before looking shocked.  Cut back to ESTO and SUT.  The dragon disappears and the dragon balls disperse.  SUT looks at ESTO again.

SUT That was a pretty big wish!  I never thought anyone would do something like that.

ESTO Yes, well...it was an essential wish.  I thank you for helping me get it granted.  Unfortunately...that is all I need you for.

SUT looks at him questioningly, but then there’s a look of fear on their face when ESTO pulls out a dark energy sword.  Shot ends with him holding it up to slice.

Shot cuts to show the Demon Realm again.  Everyone’s still bickering.  It focuses on a demon named POI, who’s just kind of watching from the sidelines.  ESTO soon returns, and POI goes over to him.

POI Esto!  Where have you been?  Things have gotten crazy down here!

ESTO I was taking care of some important business.

POI Business?  What business?

ESTO grins.

ESTO Patience, Poi.  You’re about to find out.

The two of them look off into the distance, where a huge silhouette of a crowd of big demons is approaching.  Slowly, they come into view, and there’s a ton of nasty-looking demons of all shapes and sizes walking forward.  ESTO looks very pleased.  The big demons start to part, and a smaller demon woman walks through the path that’s been cleared.  It’s MAZAKA, and she looks badass. ESTO Your new leader has arrived.

POI Leader?  You can’t mean her!

The big new demons (two of which are KOKKUTA and CHOVE) grin evilly.  The previous demons start crowding around them.  POI hops down and runs to the front of the crowd to meet them.

POI You can’t just show up outta nowhere and claim the throne!  You have to wait in line like the rest of us!

MAZAKA So, you’re saying I have to clear you all out first before I can claim my throne?

POI Yeah!  All of us!

MAZAKA grins softly.

MAZAKA …  Very well.

She lifts a hand and holds it out before flicking her wrist upward.  Shot shows the silhouettes of POI and all the smaller demons getting straight up impaled by a bunch of spikes that come through the ground.  ESTO is just smirking at the scene.  MAZAKA and her underlings walk around the forest of impaled demons and approach ESTO.

ESTO It’s been too long, Mazaka.

MAZAKA Indeed, it has.  I assume you are the reason we have returned?

ESTO Yes.  I felt that it was time for you to--

MAZAKA suddenly grabs ESTO by the throat and chokes him.

MAZAKA It took you a millenia to resurrect me.  I dearly hope you don’t expect praise for this, do you?

ESTO N-no, Your Majesty, I wouldn’t dare…!

MAZAKA squints at him before releasing him, leaving him to rub his neck and cough.  She walks by him with her minions following.

MAZAKA Then tell the others that their ruler has come home.

ESTO is left behind to nervously watch her walk away.

Cut to the white space where the GRAND PRIEST has called for meetings with the other deities.  He teleports in on his podium as usual, but when he arrives, he takes on a look of surprise.  Shot changes to show various new gods standing around with the previous gods of the 8 universes, and they’re all looking at each other in confusion and shock.  The GRAND PRIEST rubs his chin.

GRAND PRIEST I...see.  It seems someone has resurrected the universes that had previously been erased after all this time.  But, who?  And...why?

Shot shows IVE standing with MOJA, POLI, and MARDUK.  They all look frightened.

GRAND PRIEST Alright, everyone…  I called you all here so that I may confirm these happenings with my own eyes.  Now that I have...I suppose you should all return to your respective universes until I call for you again.  I must speak with the Omni-King to decide what course of action we are to take.

The gods look at each other before starting to teleport away.  Eventually, GRAND PRIEST is left by himself to think.  Suddenly, the ground behind him starts to crack, and he looks back.  The crack grows larger, and smoke starts to come out of it.  It soon breaks open completely, and MAZAKA emerges from the smoke with a little grin.  GRAND PRIEST looks very displeased to see her.

MAZAKA …  You don’t look too happy to see me again, Priest.

GRAND PRIEST frowns.

GRAND PRIEST I was under the impression that you were erased with the rest of the demons from your universe.

MAZAKA starts approaching him with a little laugh.

MAZAKA Oh, I was.  Luckily, someone was thoughtful enough to bring me back, along with all of my friends.

GRAND PRIEST looks disgruntled.

MAZAKA Oh, don’t look so upset, Priest.  You act as though you never liked me at all...when we both know that isn’t true.

She gets closer to him until she’s in his personal space, and he looks away with a scowl.

MAZAKA Remember when you used to call me Maz?  You were always so cute, you know.

GRAND PRIEST That was before you decided to side with the Demon Realm and give up your status as a deity in favor of ruling over them.  Things have changed.

MAZAKA is still smiling, but there’s a wicked look in her eyes as he continues to speak.

GRAND PRIEST You and the rest of your ilk received the punishment you asked for when you tried to rebel against us.  It would do you well to remember that your actions have consequences.  Now, I suggest you go back to the Demon Realm before I am forced to take action.

MAZAKA …  And you wonder why I left in the first place.

MAZAKA finally backs up and waves her hand dismissively.

MAZAKA Very well, I will leave you.  But, don’t expect me to stay gone forever...Priest.

With that, she disappears back into the smoke, and the crack in the ground seals itself up.  GRAND PRIEST is left standing there uncomfortably.

Cut to MOJA pacing around while ROWHEA, IVE, and POLI watch.

MOJA I just don’t get it!  Where did they all come from?  The other universes were supposed to have been erased thousands of years ago!  Is it some kind of trick?

POLI I don’t believe it was a trick, Lord Moja; the Grand Priest seemed genuinely concerned with the situation.

MOJA I just don’t see why someone would go against Grand Zen-oh’s decision like that.  What are they planning?

IVE tilts his head.

IVE Why is it a bad thing…?  Isn’t it good that the other universes are back?

MOJA No!!  Zen-oh made the decision to erase them, and bringing them back is going directly against their word!  Someone must be plotting something serious to do something so stupid.

IVE looks disgruntled at this, but says nothing else.

Cut to the Demon Realm again.  MAZAKA is rallying the demons while ESTO, KOKKUTA, and CHOVE stand behind her.  They’re all standing on a rock formation that’s acting as a podium.

MAZAKA Fellow demons, thank you for your warm reception.  It is good to be back home.  I feel as though a celebration is in order, don’t you?  As it turns out...I have the perfect way to celebrate our return.

She gives an evil look.

MAZAKA It is time to wage war against the gods.  With our newfound numbers, we are more powerful than we’ve ever been.  It shall be easy to overrun the gods and take what is rightfully ours--the power to rule over the Mortal Realm.  They’ve looked down on us for far too long, have they not?  Don’t you agree it’s time we show them how powerful the Demon Realm really is?  Don’t you think it’s time we show them why they should fear us?

The crowd of demons goes wild, blowing fire and cheering and stuff like that.  MAZAKA’s subordinates all grin darkly.  MAZAKA turns her attention to a few demons at the front of the crowd.

MAZAKA I will be leading this effort, of course.  However, I have appointed a few trusted allies to aid me in order to make sure things run smoothly.  They are all Demon Lords of their respective universes.

Shot focuses on SHAZA.

MAZAKA Shaza, of Universe F.

Shot focuses on ABORA.

MAZAKA Abora, of Universe N.

Shot focuses on AKAL.

MAZAKA And finally, Akal, of Universe U. Shot shows the three Demon Lords standing together as MAZAKA speaks behind them.

MAZAKA These three are all very determined to get their revenge on the Omni-King for erasing them, which tells me they are motivated enough to be very reliable allies.  I trust that they will prove quite useful in the final battle.

MAZAKA seems to notice something off to the side.  She looks over to see SIRACHA just kind of floating there casually on his back, without a care in the world.

MAZAKA …  And who is that?

ESTO leans in.

ESTO That is Siracha, Your Majesty.  He’s one of the more recent Demon Gods to appear.  He hasn’t proven himself very trustworthy or useful for that matter; he’s quite unpredictable.  I would just ignore him.

MAZAKA A Demon God, you say?

MAZAKA watches SIRACHA for a moment, then grins.

MAZAKA …  You.  Siracha, correct?

SIRACHA looks over at her when he’s called, rolling over.

SIRACHA That’s me.

MAZAKA I hear you’re quite the interesting character.  A Demon God, even.  You seem like the type to enjoy a bit of fun.

SIRACHA I’d agree with you there.

MAZAKA You are also well-informed on the activities of the other gods, are you not?

SIRACHA I get around.

MAZAKA I see.  Then, would you be interested in being my informant?  I would just need you to keep me updated on what the gods are doing during this operation.  You will surely be rewarded for your efforts when this is over.

SIRACHA hums before rolling over again.

SIRACHA …  Sounds interesting.  I’m in.

MAZAKA grins evilly.

MAZAKA Good.

Shot cuts to MOJA’s castle.  MOJA and POLI are in the kitchen having a discussion.

MOJA This is still so bizarre to me.  Who in their right mind would want to gain Zen-oh’s attention in such a bad way?  Do they want the whole damn multiverse to get destroyed?

POLI I’m not sure.  What I do know, however, is that the Grand Priest believes that the Demon Realm plans to wage war on the gods now that their strongest leader has returned as well as a very large number of demons.

IVE can be seen eavesdropping from behind a wall.

MOJA Yikes.  That sounds about right, though.  He better talk to Zen-oh fast before things get out of hand.  At this rate, there really will be a war, and if that happens, it’s possible that the Mortal Realm will be affected, too.  It might even get destroyed as collateral damage.  I say Zen-oh needs to just nip this in the bud while there’s still time.

IVE seems concerned with this information, and he heads off down the hallway.  Cut to IVE finding ROWHEA.

ROWHEA Hey, dude, what’s up?  You look worried about something.

IVE I am.  Rowhea, I need you to cover for me for a little bit.  I have to go take care of something.  It’s really important.  Can you do that for me?

ROWHEA Uh, sure, no problem.  Don’t do anything too crazy, alright?

IVE nods.  Cut to IVE in his room holding a button similar to the one Zen-oh gave Goku to summon him.  He presses it, and a projection pops up from it.  ENLIL can be seen on the projection, and she soon notices IVE.

ENLIL Ive?  What’s wrong?

IVE This is going to sound stupid, but can you take me to Zen-oh’s place?  I really need to talk to them.

ENLIL …  You’re right, that does sound stupid.  You know what’ll happen if you say something wrong, right?

IVE I know…  I wouldn’t be doing this normally, but something awful is about to happen and this is the only way I know of stopping it.

ENLIL …  Okay.  I’ll be over in a sec to get you.  But if you mess this up, I’m not going to cover for you.

IVE Thanks, Enlil.

Cut to the two of them teleporting to the Omni-King’s place.  GRAND PRIEST is there to greet them.

GRAND PRIEST Oh, Universe X.  I was not expecting to see you today.  You’ve come at an unfortunate time, however; there are important things I must be tending to.

IVE steps forward.

IVE That’s actually why I came.  I know you’re thinking about having Zen-oh erase the universes again, and I don’t think that’s the right answer.

GRAND PRIEST’s expression falters.  ENLIL stiffens up.

GRAND PRIEST …  Ive, was it?  I appreciate your concern, and I have praised you for preventing the erasure of Universe A in the past, but I must warn you that there are some things that you would be wise to let those above you handle themselves.  What is happening does not concern those who are not considered gods.

IVE I’m training to become a god, doesn’t that amount for something?

GRAND PRIEST For this?  I must say no.  Please return to your universe at once.

ENLIL tugs on IVE’s arm.

ENLIL You tried, Ive.  Let’s just go.

IVE No, I know there’s a better solution than erasing whole universes.  Can’t I just talk to Zen-oh for a little while?

GRAND PRIEST looks peeved, now. GRAND PRIEST I will not ask you again, saiyan.

IVE shrinks back a little before hanging his head in defeat.  ENLIL holds his arm.

ENLIL We apologize for the disturbance.  Kai kai.

The two teleport away, leaving the GRAND PRIEST to frown.

Shot changes to show ENLIL and IVE in IVE’s room again.  They’re sitting down.

ENLIL I can’t believe you talked to the Grand Priest like that.  You’re so lucky he didn’t annihilate you on the spot.

IVE Why was he so adamant about getting rid of the universes again?  You’d think he’d be open to ideas that didn’t involve damaging the whole multiverse…

ENLIL Sometimes you should just not question people’s decisions.  They must know better than us.

IVE I seriously don’t think he knows what he’s doing.  The other universes shouldn’t have to suffer because of some war they don’t even know is happening.

ENLIL Well, what do you plan to do?  If war is going to break out between the Demon Realm and the gods, then Zen-oh is surely going to show up and end it before it even begins.

IVE thinks for a moment.

IVE …  Then I guess we’ll have to show up and meet them there and convince them not to erase the universes that way.

Cut back to the Demon Realm.  MAZAKA is rallying her forces.  She lifts her staff and casts a spell that opens a huge portal.  She then addresses her troops.

MAZAKA This portal is a gateway to the realm of the gods.  When we pass through, war shall begin.

The demons look like they’re about to go absolutely feral.  Cut to the other side of the portal, where all the gods are gathering behind GRAND PRIEST.  He looks serious as he observes the portal.  Shot shows MOJA, POLI, and MARDUK.  MARDUK leans over to MOJA.

MARDUK Where is Ive?  Shouldn’t he be here?

MOJA The Grand Priest specifically ordered me to leave him behind.

GRAND PRIEST …  They’re coming.

Shot shows MAZAKA’s shoe coming through the portal, and soon enough she fully emerges with a grin on her lips.  She and the GRAND PRIEST have a stare-off.

MAZAKA Hello, Priest.  It’s so nice of you to have gathered all of the gods here to welcome me.  It’s a shame that you and the rest of them will all be gone soon.

GRAND PRIEST You have one chance to turn back and call off your armies before you meet the same fate as before.

MAZAKA You mean Zen-oh?  Oh, Priest, you really think things will play out the same way they did last time?

As soon as she finishes speaking, KOKKUTA and CHOVE fly out of the portal on either side of her, heading directly towards GRAND PRIEST.  He scowls and lifts up his hands, stopping them with one big attack (they get obliterated). GRAND PRIEST You’re sorely mistaken if you believe I’d succumb to a few lowly goons.

MAZAKA Perhaps it’s not the goons that you should be worrying about.

GRAND PRIEST suddenly notices a huge spell circle underneath him.  Before he can react, the spell activates, and he’s caught in some sort of dark energy that freezes him in place.  The other gods look shocked, but they’re soon caught in the same energy.  GRAND PRIEST seems to be struggling.

GRAND PRIEST Even the angels…  They’re your children!

MAZAKA gets a sour look on her face, but she’s still smiling.

MAZAKA Oh, so now you decide to play the family card.  How sweet of you.  But, didn’t you say it yourself?  Things have changed.

Shot changes to show IVE and ENLIL watching all this from a crystal ball in his room.

ENLIL This is bad.  The Grand Priest can’t call Zen-oh to come take care of them before they can start the war.  Now there’s nothing in their way…

IVE That means Zen-oh isn’t going to show up…  I guess we have to go to them instead.

ENLIL Right.

Cut to the two of them arriving at Zen-oh’s palace again.  They fly up to the palace, and it cuts to them running down the hallway to the throne room.  Two guards stop them before they enter.

ZEN-OH Move, I can’t see who it is.

The guards move out of the way to reveal ZEN-OH standing there with a neutral look on their face.

ZEN-OH Oh, you’re that one guy from earlier.  Do you need something?

IVE Y-yes.  Grand Zen-oh, something very bad is about to happen.  Your Grand Priest can’t call for you, so I had to come instead to tell you that the Demon Realm is about to wage war on the gods.

ZEN-OH Mmm.  It’s because all those universes got revived, right?  That’s okay.  I can take care of it.

They lift up their hands to erase everything, but IVE steps forward with his hands out.

IVE W-wait, stop!

ZEN-OH What?

IVE You don’t have to erase all the universes to prevent it!

ZEN-OH What do you mean?

IVE Don’t you think it’d be unfair to all those living in those universes who aren’t even involved?  They just got brought back and they’d be disappearing again even though they have no control over what’s happening.  It would be...kinda mean, I think.

ZEN-OH Mean?

They lower their hands and think for a moment.

ZEN-OH …  Mmm…  Okay.  What should I do instead, then?

IVE There’s only a few people responsible for what’s happening.  If you get rid of them, the rest of the demons should be discouraged and call it off.

ZEN-OH Are you sure? …  Okay.  I’ll be right back.

Cut back to MAZAKA standing there grinning as the gods and GRAND PRIEST struggle to move.  Suddenly, ZEN-OH appears in front of her, and she’s startled.

MAZAKA W-what?!  How did you--?!

ZEN-OH lifts their hand and erases her, just like that.  The magic holding the gods and GRAND PRIEST disappears, and they all fall to their knees.  Cut to the Demon Realm, where ESTO and the three Demon Lords are also being erased.

UNNAMED DEMON SOLDIER Huh--?  Where’d they go?

SIRACHA can be seen hiding behind a rock.

SIRACHA Whoops.  Time to go.

He then disappears in a puff of smoke.  Cut to the portal closing up, and everyone’s confused.

UNNAMED DEMON SOLDIER What’s going on?  Aren’t we supposed to attack?

ZEN-OH appears before the armies in the Demon Realm, which scares everyone.

ZEN-OH Don’t pull this again or I’ll erase the entire Demon Realm.  Okay bye.

They disappear, leaving all the demons scared and speechless.  Cut to ZEN-OH reappearing with IVE and ENLIL.

ZEN-OH Okay, it’s done now.

They start to walk to their throne, but they stop and look at IVE for a second.

ZEN-OH You’re not a god, are you?

IVE N-no, not yet…

ZEN-OH You should be.

IVE blushes a little.  ENLIL places a hand on his shoulder.

ENLIL We should get you back home now.

IVE R-right.

Cut to later at MOJA’s place.  ROWHEA and IVE are just hanging out.  MOJA steps in after a moment.

MOJA Ive.

IVE Yes, Lord Moja?

MOJA It’s time.

Shot of IVE looking nervous, but somewhat excited.  Cut to MOJA, POLI, and IVE teleporting in to the white space where the gods gather.  All the other Gods of Destruction and their angels are there waiting on them.  GRAND PRIEST lowers to greet them.

GRAND PRIEST Ive.  Before we begin, I...owe you an apology.  My mind was clouded back then, and I realize it would have been a good idea to listen to you.  Once again, you made a good decision.

IVE smiles.  GRAND PRIEST claps his hands.

GRAND PRIEST Now, let us begin the ceremony.  Everyone, please gather ‘round.

The Gods of Destruction all gather around IVE and GRAND PRIEST in a circle.  God, I have to draw 26 gods, huh.  I have to draw the angels hanging back, too.  Anyway the gods begin to recite something in an ancient language that I’ll probably make up on the spot.  Some magical energy begins to surround IVE, and he starts to lift off the ground.  It fully envelops him for a moment as they continue chanting, and the GRAND PRIEST simply watches from above.  Soon, he is lowered back down, and the gods fall silent.  GRAND PRIEST holds his hands behind his back.

GRAND PRIEST Ive, you have now ascended to the ranks of the gods.  From this day forth, you will be known as the God of Destruction for Universe X.

IVE looks happily up at him, then turns to see MOJA smiling proudly and clapping along with the other gods.  Cut to them arriving back on MOJA’s planet.  ROWHEA runs up to them.

ROWHEA You’re back!  How was it?  How do you feel?

IVE It was great!  All the other gods were there for the ceremony.  It was really cool.  You would have liked it.

POLI and MOJA walk by them.

MOJA You two take a minute to celebrate while dinner gets prepared.

IVE and ROWHEA Okay!

MOJA looks over his shoulder at them before walking inside.  Cut to him walking into his chamber and going over to his nest bed thing, where he stands there and looks down.  He then sighs to himself.  Cut to IVE running into the kitchen, where POLI is cooking.

IVE Where’s Lord Moja?

POLI You should check his room.

IVE Okay.

IVE runs to MOJA’s room.

IVE Lord Moja?

He floats up to his nest bed and looks around curiously.  He then notices MOJA’s uniform resting in the nest.  MOJA is nowhere to be seen.  IVE gets closer and picks up the uniform, slowly realizing what’s happened.  He looks really sad suddenly.  POLI comes up behind him and places a hand on his shoulder.

IVE …  He...didn’t even say goodbye…

POLI You know him…  He was never one for sappy things.  But...he did want you to know he was very proud of you.  He knew you would become a great God of Destruction one day, and he was happy to know you proved him right.

IVE looks dejectedly at the uniform.  Cut to ROWHEA downstairs at the table already eating.  He sees IVE and POLI come in, and IVE is wearing the uniform instead of his usual bodysuit.

ROWHEA Hey, nice outfit!  You look like a real God of Destruction now!

He notices the look on IVE’s face.

ROWHEA …  Hey, why so blue?  Where’s Lord Moja?

IVE Lord Moja is...gone.

ROWHEA Huh?  Where’d he go?

POLI Otherworld.  There was no need for him to remain in this world any longer.  Ive is now in charge of his duties officially.

ROWHEA Oh, man…  I’m sorry, Ive…

IVE It’s...okay.  I think I expected this to happen.  He taught me everything he knew, so...I’ll be fine, I think.

POLI gives him a reassuring smile.  Cut to a shot of the sky outside of the castle.  IVE is sitting on a log looking over the forest surrounding it, and ROWHEA is there with him.  ROWHEA nudges him.

ROWHEA It’s pretty cool I get to be best friends with a god.

IVE Heh…  Yeah.

ROWHEA You’re gonna do great things, Ive.  I know it.  And Moja did, too.  I’m sure he left with confidence knowing you’d be here to take care of things for him.

IVE looks up at the sky.

ROWHEA This is the start of something really great.

Shot ends with a view of IVE and ROWHEA watching the sky together.

[silly-jaketato]

Y’all, I know this is a Kpop blog but I just want to talk about how genuinely mad I am about Ryan Murphy making ‘monsters: the Erik and Lyle menendez story’. When I’m not being obsessed with Kpop I really enjoy watching documentaries and learning about crime, justice, and other law stuff and I’ve seen so much about the menendez brothers in my life. So, over the years Ive gathered a lot of information about them and would categorize myself as in the know of a lot about them. For some of you that don’t know about the menendez case, I’ll give you a brief summary. Erik and Lyle were two college age kids (Erik was 18, Lyle was 21) who lived with their parents Jose, and kitty menendez. On august 20 1989 they went to their Beverly Hills home and brutally murdered their parents with shotguns. Now, looking at this, you would think, “holy shit. Get them in jail they wanted the money, no excuses.” And that was what the media thought too. But, they had so much more to their reasoning. They grew up being abused mentally, physically and sexually by their parents especially by Jose menendez their father who molested, raped and abused them in so many other ways. Erik was mainly a victim of their father with the sexual abuse, but Lyle also had been molested but not as severely as Erik. Their parents would often threaten them with death. From their mother saying she would poison the family from how unhappy she was, to their father telling Erik that if he ever told anyone about the rape and abuse in the household that he would kill him. On the night of the murders, Lyle and Erik had bought guns and two tickets to Batman as their alibi. They went to their home where there parents were laying on the couch and shot them with shotguns till they died. They fired their guns 16 times, and both of their parents were murdered. They came back to their parents house two hours later and called the police to report their parents death, and were not arrested until around march. (could’ve been a different time) The reason they claimed to do this was because, if they didn’t kill their parents, their parents would kill them. Because of the extensive abuse, they couldn’t tell what their parents were capable of doing, and murder was no different. They were scared for their lives and wanted the constant abuse to end. You might be thinking, why didn’t they just leave? They couldn’t. Their father had controlled their lives to the point where Erik was denied of leaving to go to a college of his choice and said he was going to study law at ucla and stay with them. Lyle had given up so much to stay with Erik so he wouldn’t be alone with the constant abuse. It appeared that Lyle had thought the rape had stopped with Erik like it had with him when he was younger, but it unfortunately had not, with Erik constantly dealing with being molested. They tried to tell people about the abuse but they weren’t helped. They had really tried everything and it seemed that this was the only solution.

So, basically you get the case from what I’ve explained (I’m not a writer sorry) and I truly recommend learning about it and supporting them. But moving on. If you’ve ever heard of dahmer and that whole mess of a tv series. but if you haven’t, it was based of the Jeffery dahmer case and used information about the victims that the victim’s families didn’t consent to being spread. And I’m pretty sure they didn’t ask the victims families at all if they were okay with the show being made, and some of the stuff was fabricated. (This is like a weird reenactment sort of tv show like monsters) So, people started to really dislike the director Ryan Murphy. Well, do I have some new for you! He was the same director for monsters and yet again fabricated information. In the long list of things that happened to the mènerez brothers, you’ll notice I really only had a few important points and then information about those points. So, you’ll notice I never said anything about the menendez brothers having a relationship or lying about the abuse. That is because IT NEVER HAPPENED. They did not have a relationship, and lie about the abuse, which is something the show says, but didn’t happen. This kind of put a pretty frame around a bad picture. In this show, they also kinda fetishizes the brothers relationship. Which is fucked up because it’s about two sexual assault survivors. And people who are uneducated about this case are taking this even further by saying stuff about the irl brothers that is inappropriate and gross. The extent of the incest was Lyle taking Erik to the forest and “fondling” with him. Which is what his dad was doing to him, so it was not in ‘that’ way but a response to trauma. So they never kissed or had sex. But the show just can’t seem to handle that and not fetishize it. Not only is that gross, but it proves how fucked up that show is. It was good until they started saying weird stuff. I really recommend watching documentaries with proof instead of whatever this series was meant to be. I think the menendez brothers need to be freed from prison, and that this show needs to be forgotten because of how disgusting it was. This doesn’t not mean these are bad actors, (I thought the actors were amazing) but to the director making money off of someone else’s trauma and crimes. He’s fine this before and I genuinely believe he will do it again, profiting of someone’s else’s story is terrible already but to make an entire ass tv series about it that shows lies is even more fucked up. The menendez brothers already went into so much pain and suffering and they don’t deserve to be profited off of. I’m pretty sure Erik menendez has said that it was a price of crap and I couldn’t help but understand him fully. Idk why but I thought I should just share my opinion.

[overlordchris]

More needless self reflection time.

The last 6 months have shown me that I really don’t care about a lot of things anymore.

Like, this as a whole sort of happened maybe 8ish years ago, I started to find it really hard to watch shows, finish video games, even read books, which up until that point was one of my favorite past times.

A common question on depression questionnaires is something along the lines of “have you lost interest or pleasure with things you used to enjoy”, which probably is a part of it, even though I can honestly say I’ve felt depressed since at least as far back as 12, that part of things never hit until a few years after I was in a relationship with my former partner.

In no way did it have anything to do with them, just to be clear, it just happened to coincide. Unfortunately.

I want to recapture my interests. Heck, I still have a longing for such things, it’s just that I can’t seem to get there whenever I try. I can only really describe it as with tv shows, there’s a growing uncomfortableness the more I watch, the more I’m invested, especially if it’s multiple episodes at a time. It’s sort of similar with games as well, though I think partly that’s more tied to them being great at getting my mind focused on something outside myself, so I dread them ending because once it ends, it will no longer be the mental relaxer it had been, opening the door for worse things to come back in.

Yes, it’s very nonsensical. Avoiding the game does the same thing with removing the mental relaxer, but at the very least, the gnawing anxiety isn’t there if I’m not constantly reminded as much. Out of site, out of mind. But of course, I still feel that longing curiosity to see it to the end.

Again, nonsensical.

But, as bad as it was/is, I’ve learned that what has kind of taken place is a desire to experience things, but with only with others.

Like Ive mentioned, I still have interest in a lot of things, but I for whatever reason don’t feel the motivation I guess to dive into most of them.

Movies are a great example. I like movies. I used to really like going to movie theaters and seeing all kinds of things, from small indie productions, to the mainstays we all know.

But, as much as I enjoy movies, over the years I’ve been less and less motivated to watch something, unless there’s someone else there with me.

Sure, there’s probably some social anxiety involved with say, going to a theater by myself, but more so I feel that it being a lonely experience is what really dissuades me. Not so much in the physical sense, but in the emotional ones.

The enjoyment I now find I get with doing most things is seeing the other person, or people in some cases (people I know and care about at least), enjoying the thing. It’s being able to share an experience that makes the experience itself worthwhile. Or maybe not worthwhile, but enough to get me motivated to actually do it? Maybe both?

Even as writing this I’m coming up with new theories. Like I just had the idea it’s maybe tied to me not wanting to let other people down? Honor my commitments? Thinking back to my recent failed relationship, when there were things I mentioned interest in, like movies I would have liked to go see, and my partner did not show any interest themselves, my motivation to try and see the movie would disappear. I still wanted to watch and experience the movie, it’s just, I’m pretty sure I wanted to share the experience.

Maybe it has something to do with acceptance? Like, if someone likes the same thing as me, and wants to experience something with me, it makes me feel like I matter to someone?

These are questions cause, I don’t know if I’m making actual self assessments, or just talking out of my ass. I can’t really trust my view on me cause I have a negative bias related to me. But, I’m gonna follow this a bit more.

I’ve always had a hard time fitting in with other people. It’s hard to describe, but generally my attempts at being intentionally social as a kid were very awkward. I always went I with a plan, and a goal. Maybe everyone does this and I was just bad at it? But when I meet someone, I’m actively studying them, what they’re saying, trying to find things out if maybe we have enough in common that I could then use that to convince them to have a good impression of me. Because I’m actively doing this in my head, I’m thinking and trying to listen at the same time, which causes me to miss some details when I am having a conversation. It also happens when it’s my turn to talk, where I try to think of what the best response would be, I sometimes stutter and/or flub my words because my mouth and voice cannot keep up with teleprompter style prepared response I’m trying express. Once the mistake has happened, my internal executive producer starts to scramble and try to formulate how to get back on track, fix the conversation, change it, all the while I’m still trying to finish getting through original response I had formulated.

Needless to say, I’m not good at conversation. Maybe people are able to detect that I’m more interested in trying to convince them I’m worthy of attention than just being friendly? Maybe it’s the fact I am terrible at turning my thoughts into words and I just come off as not actually knowing what I’m talking about (which is sometimes the case tbh)? Either/or, it’s something I’m very self aware that I’m not good with because my observation of others, which I do all the time (I’m a big eavesdropper) those conversations don’t feel as stiff or rehearsed.

Being so self aware, I’ve tried so so hard to try and make myself a better vocal communicator over the years. I’m definitely better than say 10 years ago, and I can’t tell you how bad it was back in my school days. Cringe.

That’s how I am with strangers, or people I don’t see often. In person, mind you. I think I’m pretty ok when I have the opportunity to write things out. Not great, but good enough.

With people I know, I still sort of do that analyzing and prepared responses, but the more comfortable I get with someone, the more excited I tend to get, you know? Like the fact they’ve come back to talk to me again (that’s not contractional or nefarious in nature) I tend to go off teleprompter script and shoot from the hip. But, in this case, I often become more… overbearing I think fits with what I’m thinking? I tend to talk a lot, get louder, I’m more animated with my gestures, I interrupt when tangentionala ideas or subjects come to mind, and often share with less of a filter on. This has often worn down those who maybe get passed the introduction phase, and as time moves on and I’m not able to reign things in properly, they end up leaving.

This entire conversational analysis tangent was to show that when I do find someone I like and start to feel comfortable with, it makes me feel accepted. Wanted even. I think ultimately that’s what I seek, feeling wanted, desired, important, accepted, all these different but similar meaning words in the different kinds of relationships they can apply to. Whereas I’ve seemed to have grown disinterested in a lot of things, when someone shows interest in me, it helps to motivate me to get up and get out there.

Is that codependency? I’ll have to look into that. I mean this all sort of feels like it’s a bad thing most ways you swing it. I could be considered a parasite of some sort, living off the joy and excitement of others? Parasites need hosts to survive because they cannot produce whatever necessary factor on their own. That’s kind of what I feel like I am.

I think why DnD has kept my interest when other things have fallen off is that it gives me that sort of accepted feeling. The people in the group all share a similar interest, and they keep allowing me to come back. That’s basically it. I’m pretty easy like that. I even went the next step and ran a few games for them because I was essentially wanting to share something of my own creation (the campaign specifically in this case), something I had put my “me-ness” into, and they continued to take part.

This isn’t to say I didn’t experience my manic phase with them. I had, and it did come close to me losing the group with how much I was pissing people off (not in a way you might think that typically comes of TTRPG horror stories, just more so with my high octane, low filter energy clashing with people just wanting to have a chill time). Thankfully I was able to reign myself back in enough that things were able to be smoothed over.

I’ve been a tad more distant with that group since, and hey, now that it’s been 6 months since my relationship ended, they’re still the only group of people still around. Everyone I knew I real life has ghosted me or were taken along with my ex. All that are left are the people I’m actively trying to keep at arms distance. I wish I could bond deeper with some of them, but I can’t. The more me someone gets, the less patient they become.

I’ve wanted to believe that I could find someone, or someones who I could feel comfortable enough to be effortlessly myself around, but I just can’t seem to. I don’t want to settle anymore, but because of that, I don’t want to even try anymore. I’m too much, I can’t change, and in some ways, I don’t even want to change. I want to just be me, with someone else who wants to be with just me.

Maybe there is someone out there who could vibe perfectly with me. But what are the odds I’d ever meet them? With the only case study to go off of being myself, slim to none.

[houseofwolvess]

hi ry!!!!!!! i am very curious; who are all these men you have been posting? are they in some kind of performance act or something? a band? feel free to ramble on if you so wish, i like hearing what you have to say about your interests :)

oh my god okay okay, im so sorry for who im about to become, talking about this makes me so unreasonably excited it's not even funny, i don't expect anyone to read any of this because jesus christ this is gonna get long.

to answer your question, though, they're all part of sleep token!! they're an anonymous four-piece band based outta london, and they've had me in a chokehold for like a month now with no end in sight :')

they've got a lot of interesting experimental music, lyrics and performances that make me want to fucking scream, and a lot of very homoerotic tension that. uh. really adds something to their vibes.

okay everything else beyond that is gonna have to go under a readmore, because i can't shut up now. forgive me y'all

so, to preface this: at this point in time, the band is more or less anonymous. they avoid associating their legal names with the band (although assholes have unfortunately spread them around), they don't show their bare faces if they can help it, and they're incredibly selective about when/how they use their actual voices to speak to the public. they use stage names in lieu of their actual names; vessel, ii, iii, and iv. they have a whole story and lots of lore behind the band that and i could ABSOLUTELY get into it but i have a feeling that's not what's wanted here so. holding off on that for now :')

anyways... the members! woo!! im way too excited to stop now. forgive me. you don't have to read any of this, im just talking because i don't know when i'll have the chance to do so again

to start. this guy is vessel :::)

he's the main vocalist, songwriter, and one of the two composers in the band. he also plays piano/keyboard though, and for their current studio recordings, he does a lot of the guitar, bass, and synthesizer parts, along with taking the role of co-producer. a very talented man :)

i just think he's a fascinating guy. very raw and emotional on stage in a way im not used to seeing; he puts everything he has into what he does, and WOW, it really shows.

moving on to the next guy, though: here's ii!

he's the drummer and one of the founding members, alongside vessel. he's also the only other composer for the band, and if i remember correctly, he occasionally does some of the songwriting as well!

he's an absolute fucking beast on the drums though, holy shit. watching him play is like watching someone conduct an orchestra (don't know if that makes sense but just trust me bro).

at the moment, ii is the only member of the band to have ever done a video interview on behalf of sleep token. he was still fully masked up, though, and they applied some really heavy filters over his voice to make him harder to identify. still, that's a very recent development and it's exciting to me :)

NOW... we have iii!

he's the band's live bassist! at the moment he doesn't really do much in the studio since he was *technically* a touring musician, but it really seems like he's gonna be a more permanent fixture in the band along with iv so i wouldn't be surprised if he gets a more active role in the future.

this guy's energy is contagious, and i don't think the band would be the same without him now. he's the only one who uses his regular voice when he's with the band, so he spends a lot of time yelling and screaming at the crowd because it riles them up. it's very entertaining lol.

also, unrelated, but he asked for his new mask to mirror iv's new mask because they're really close, which i think is very sweet :')

and finally... we have iv

he's the live guitarist and backup vocalist! mostly backup screams, because this motherfucker can WAIL. he's the newest addition to the band, taking the place of another guitarist who went by the same moniker.

he's in the same spot as iii is as far as his role in studio recordings goes, but he really seems like he's here to stay just like iii is.

i adore this guy though. he's just so.... AGH. a talented guitarist with powerful vocals. and he's hot (they all are) but i told myself i wasn't gonna talk about that in this post so shhhh.

---

and jesus fucking christ im gonna cut myself off now because this went on for too long. i could ABSOLUTELY keep going, there's still so much i haven't talked about yet, but i already feel bad enough for rambling for this long :')

idk if you've read this far ben, but THANK YOU for sending this!! i get really fucking anxious just Posting about the stuff i like with no context, but actually being asked to talk about it isn't something im used to and it's really nice. i love this band to a stupid degree rn and i'll take every chance i get to be weird over it

[kath-artic]

moar

since im on the topic i wanna play around in this space a little more

growing up i was a very private person. sure, my best friends knew about problems at home and my struggles with mental health, but i never talked to them about the things i cared about or the people i liked. love was such a valuable thing that to talk about it frivolously seemed sinful and just downright disrespectful to the concept. it had to be protected. this is unfortunately why i stayed in my first relationship for so long. i foolishly thought that i was somehow about infatuation and frivolous love. i thought id know it when i found it and that id never let it go, so i couldnt just admit id made a mistake. regardless, friendships to me were always about being too in the moment to care about anything else. friendship was about silent understanding and play. most of my high school friends were like this. we never talked about our lives outside of school save for one or two times, but we all knew we were all going through something so we'd all keep each other busy all night. we wouldnt leave the school until the janitors kicked us out and then we'd wander the town. every now and then someone would break down and cry and we'd sit there and hold each other, but talking about it hardly seemed necessary at that time. it wasnt until the dam broke for me at the end of my senior year that i started really opening up about stuff. that was my brief Therapy phase. i became obsessed with talking about the trauma id gone through and didnt know how to be someone outside of it for a while, but that was a horrible person to be for me. i feel bad for her and it was important that i was her for a time, but im glad im not anymore. she taught me how to be open, but every time i opened up i exploded and it never felt all that fulfilling. in fact, i found that me "trauma dumping" was just me trying to answer everyones questions before they started prying so theyd think i had nothing to hide. i was afraid of people knowing me at that time. what's more, the concept of meeting new people was exhausting at that time because to know me at that time was to know what id been through and it was hard having to go through it again and again.

leaving fixed me. ive said it before but it remains true. ive realized i love a blank slate and ive realized that knowing me is an innate quality some people do or dont possess in varying degrees. ive realized my story is mine and that i generally like being private because i really only like sharing when i think i'll be understood or when i think it's necessary to expose people to new possibilities. i like knowing lots of people, i like knowing them deeply and intimately, but not necessarily constantly. i dont want people to run dry by dumping all their is to know at my feet at once, which is why i think space is so necessary for me. old friends reaching out is such a joy because theyre a new person at this point! new friends are such a joy because they tend to feel as though theyre old friends! i just like for my circle to be full of as many people who are distinctly themselves as possible and i like to learn something. i know sometimes i have to be the teacher, but i vastly prefer equal exchanges. there are few people i never grow tired of, but they tend to also be the ones who think similarly and likewise go off on their own from time to time. we maintain a healthy distance even though we could just as easily talk forever and ever and never grow bored. i think thats the kind of relationship i can have only one of at a time and its something i reserve for romatic partners. a romantic partner is someone who is eternally interesting. someone i can be close to and still find more new things about. i still like to have space, but the closeness wouldnt make me squirm. we could talk forvever and ever and maybe we just will. idk. but there it is