#in my incoherent ramble lmao

[warning-heckboop]

We're not so different, you and I

Judged by the inexplicable magics at our cores

Or by how we strayed from the paths laid out for us

To live our own lives, and tell our own tales

I can only hope now that yours

Leads to a happier end than mine

((Wolf belongs to @bunnieswithknives))

[chuluoyi]

aaaa i’m squealing >< my popular guy college crush is now in the same community group as me and apparently he’s noticed me all these years🥹

[derrygirlstrash]

Not to start shit, if you know me you know I'm a "ship and let ship" kinda gal and saying this I truly have no problem with James/Orla as a ship it harms no one and plenty of people like it, I like people having fun... that said...

I have never understood the common argument that James/Erin as a ship makes no sense and James/Orla should have been the ship instead. Often one of the arguments is that James/Erin wasn't set up while James/Orla was and I'm sorry... what? James/Erin have at least one ship heavy episode each season as well as plenty of background moments and several significant moments in Erin's Diary.

Even if you ignore all the background moments of the two holding hands, being inside each others personal space, the times where they're clearly matching and whatnot. There is at LEAST the implication that Erin would ignore her supposed crush for James, that she cares what he thinks, that Erin is James's type, that they're aligned in creative values and match each others energies, that Erin thinks he's handsome, that James thinks she's beautiful, that she can't imagine her life without him, etc.

James/Orla have some touchy moments... that's kinda all they have as far as romantic coding and I don't see how those two hugging in the Season 2 finale is somehow more significant than what setup James/Erin have throughout all the seasons.

Honestly, while I can see Orla liking James - you could build a case for it and convince me even though I see Orla as ace/aro in my own personal headcanons... no one has ever been able to give me a convincing argument for James liking Orla back. It kinda feels like you have to ignore that he never has a reason to fancy Orla back and just project onto him that.

Which, again, go off if that's your bag I think their friendship is fun and I could see making a ship out of it, but the common argument is that the SHOW makes a better case for James/Orla and like, no? No it really doesn't? It's just not main girl/main boy and some people really don't like that trope or Erin as a main and I think that if you say the show didn't set up James/Erin well and you argue the show would have been better with James/Orla based on what's in the show, you just might not like Erin very much?

I've also never been able to make sense of the argument that James/Erin is somehow the trope that 'guys and girls can't just be friends' like, is that not also James/Orla? Y'know, besides that Orla isn't a girl. They do use she/her during the show time period though and some people who argue this think Orla is a girl, they just think they're not THE girl. So somehow it's better even though it's the same thing.

Basically what I'm saying is that shipping is fun and we all oughta do it. Every ship besides the obvious ones is potentially fun and I'm down for it, but there is one ship the show was setting up and we all know what that ship was and I think it would be better if we all were honest about it.

PS: "James was gay the whole time!" Truthers, if you made it through this post somehow I'd like to offer a compromise: James Maguire is the most bisexual coded male character in media history we can all win here.

[dazais-guardian-angel]

I'm finding it difficult to reconcile the fact that what I've always wanted and envisioned for Nikolai and his relationship with Fyodor based on fanworks and the very very little canon information we've had to go off of so far, will very likely be very different from what we actually get.

While I understand the appeal of Fyodor taking over Nikolai's body via his blood ability, and the inherent, romantic, ironic tragedy of that — for Nikolai, the person who yearned for freedom, to meet an end by having his soul eternally trapped in the body of the person he loved the most, while Fyodor lives on in his body, never truly knowing how much he was adored by him — I would just hate the idea of that happening now? It just feels far, far too soon for Nikolai to be dead, for his character to no longer have a role or a purpose; his mind and behavior is so utterly fascinating in all its bizarre contradictions, there's so much more to explore and discover with him, he's one of BSD's most complex characters, or at least he's set up to be, and I really hope Asagiri wouldn't throw him away this soon without doing anything more with him.

I never really thought that Nikolai would be the one to end Fyodor for good, way down the line (that can only ever be Dazai's job, to me, since he's his foil), but I always imagined he'd at least have some kind of role in attempting to kill him, since that's his ultimate wish. I imagined that it would be ugly, frenzied, unhinged, desperate, Nikolai finally being forced to acknowledge the horrible truth that's always been buried within his subconscious but he's never wanted to accept: that going against all human reason and killing someone he cares so deeply for will not, in fact, simply make those feelings go away, and will instead make them unable to ignore in his despair. The realization that he'll always be chained to human emotions, to love, no matter how much he thinks he can be free of them. And then, the ensuing breakdown from that. Yes, it's extremely fanficky lmao, but that kind of drama makes sense to me for him and them. It's interesting.

There was also the angst angle of Fyodor being immortal, and Nikolai's agenda perhaps stemming from wanting to save him from that, and being able to finally free him from it in the same way he himself wants to be freed. Killing being the ultimate expression of love, not too dissimilar to Mushitarou killing Yokomizo, both putting on an act of being hateful/vengeful/hostile towards the other in order to cope with the fact that deep down they can't bear the thought of them being gone.

But then we got Fyodor's "death" here, and Nikolai's reaction to it was so unbelievably underwhelming and calm that it made me question everything I thought I knew about Asagiri's writing skills him, and what the story is going for with him. And combined with this revelation now that Fyodor is (unsurprisingly!) immortal, but specifically in the way that he can be killed but supposedly resurrects endlessly (which I really like in of itself, don't get me wrong)... it makes me question what exactly Nikolai knows, or will know, and it somewhat destroys the potential angst we could get with them in the end, or at least drastically changes it.

If Nikolai already knows Fyodor can't be killed, that means we'll never get a moment where he tries to kill him and then has to face the fact that he did the deed and it didn't make him feel freed, and he instantly regrets it. It also means we'd never get a moment where he tries to kill him and then discovers he can't truly die, and the ensuing insanity that would occur from that. It also makes me even question the legitimacy of his reaction to Fyodor's "death" here... was it so damn apathetic and lukewarm because he already knows it wasn't permanent? I mean, I'd like an explanation for it feeling so ooc, it would make me feel better about that, but I can't deny that it would be disappointing to have yet another part of this arc that was just an act and not genuine feelings....

Now, that isn't to say that it's impossible to do anything interesting with Nikolai already knowing the truth. He could be wishing to try to attain free will through the illogical pursuit of an impossible task: in this case, killing Fyodor. There's a beautiful, tragic paradox in him wishing to attempt something to gain his freedom that he and we know is impossible, especially if subconsciously he takes solace in the fact that he'd be able to kill Fyodor without actually losing him for good. If Nikolai doesn't already know, assuming he's not dead he's likely going to find out the truth soon when he next sees Fyodor alive and kicking — I can't imagine a way he wouldn't find out. In that case, we wouldn't get the aforementioned scenario where he tries to kill him and discovers it's futile, which is the most juicy to me I won't lie, but I am still fascinated by the idea of how Nikolai will respond just seeing him suddenly alive again and having to process this after having just mourned him. It's interesting to imagine how he might respond to and treat Fyodor after at last knowing how it truly felt to lose him, and realizing how much he didn't want that, and then suddenly having him back. It might cause him to finally understand that his desire for freedom is unobtainable, and cause him to spiral, and fundamentally change their relationship going forward. An eventual tragic end for him such as Fyodor taking over his body would not feel out of place to me in that case, perhaps, but still not until we've had more time to see Nikolai reflect and see his possible change in perspectives.

I don't know, I'm just rambling at this point lmao. I know very well that so much of my expectations and desires for Nikolai and Fyolai are built up from fan content over the years just because there's been nothing else to work with, and that it's unfair to judge what Asagiri decides to do with him/them based on preconceived notions. Whatever he does could still be interesting in the end, even if it's not what I initially wanted or expected, and being open to being surprised is always a good thing. At the end of the day we still know barely anything about Nikolai, so it's not completely fair for me to judge something as ooc for a character we still know so little about.

But... it's because we know so little about him and have gotten so little of him, that at the very least, I'm gonna be really upset if he does die here from being possessed by Fyodor like people are worrying about. I really don't think he will, because I'm pretty confident the helicopter pilot is the one Fyodor swapped with/resurrected in the body of as per soup's theory, and again I'm not saying it wouldn't be fitting eventually... but I really don't want it to happen now. :/ I just think Nikolai still has so much potential as a character and so much more we need to see of him before his likely inevitable and tragic demise (however it happens), so whatever Asagiri decides to do with him I just really, really hope we don't lose him so prematurely; it would honestly be such a tremendous waste imo.

[sage-the-unwise]

ok so here's my running list of reasons that rain world is so alluring to the queer/trans demographic:

creatures

protags with the o.o face

supercomputers

scrunkly scrimblo men

sad women

a group of characters who would live in a queer housing collective in portland

??? (eldritch monstrosities)

aliens

existential nightmare

pit full of mysterious liquid

[unjorts]

i am absolutely gnawing at the bars of my enclosure rn. on my cr c3 catch-up and i just finished ep 91 and 92 im LOSING IT !!!! that was so good but also ?? ???? crown keepers ???? my beloveds ?????? hello ?????????

if (key word: if) the crown keepers survive this i hope they meet with the bells hells :) i just think they're neat :)

idk fearne meeting morrighan who has a past intertwined/linked to morrigan the fatesticher ? i wanna get into /that/ fun little plot point. and the hells meeting opal ?? dorym reunion ?? better yet, the chetney-dorian reunion ?? ugh i can't wait,, it's gonna be a mess. i love these two adventuring parties with my entire heart. doomed-by-the-narrative groups are so ,, mwah. chefs kiss.

anyway speaking of doomed-by-the-narrative,, god that whole scene with fcg's sacrifice actually kinda fucked me up a lil. like,, i was already spoiled by twt notifs (through no one's fault but my own i completely forgot to mute them lmao) but BOY OH BOY DID IT NOT LESSEN THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT AT ALL. if anything it made the entire catch-up worse /pos

(the part in the shattered teeth where they were talking to jirana :( they were gonna have another therapy session :( AND FRIDA OH GOD :(((( love letters :( )

and you're telling me i have to wait?? until friday???? criminal offense, honestly. (i know they say thursday but ahaha asian moment)

[chibishortdeath]

This Bloodlines timeline document has some names of characters that are never actually ever seen in a game, so I decided to give some designs and ideas to them :3. I know that it’s mostly defunct material (even for Bloodlines itself considering it still has Bolt Ericsson, who was scrapped from the final release on it), but I’m just gonna take bits of it that I like anyway lol.

So this is my take on Cyncia, Christopher’s wife. Maybe when Christopher is off fighting Dracula, she’s at home beating the hell out of bats and skeletons trying to get into the house hmmm. Or idk maybe she should get to come with the second time hmmmm >:). Anyway, the embroidery details on her clothes are all scribbley cause I couldn’t decide on patterns, but just imagine that it’s actually nice embroidery oof (TwT ). The first image is kinda like a talking sprite pose now that I’m looking at it. Sadly there’s not too much to say about her because she uh kinda only exists in development limbo so uh yeah :’(.

There’s also the other two kids! It’s such a cool concept of a Belmont having siblings, I wish they address that concept more often :O. In my interpretation I have Gerhart as the oldest, Soleil in the middle, and Amanda as the youngest. The text says that Gerhart “strangely died” so I was thinking about the concept that he died at 15 not long after the Vampire Killer was passed down to him, making Soleil the next in line. I think that’d add a lot to how Soleil was possessed, he would be feeling awful about taking his brother’s place and possessions in other games tend to have the character have some kind of emotional weakness that was an opening for something to get to them, if that makes sense. But yeah, again, sadly not too much to say about the two themselves since they don’t appear anywhere.

If ever we get some really nice Christoper games remake (1. I am aware Rebirth exists 2. Konami will never cause they’re cowards), I really really wanna see these three end up in it. Cause as of now it’s just sad seeing them be names in an unused developer document when they have really good potential. It’d be cool to see that part of the series get fleshed out more in general because, as much as I LOVE the Christopher games, they are barely written ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡. Which is a shame because Christopher seemed to be planned to be something a lot bigger than that, ya know? There was a weird time he and Trevor were almost the same person in development, but the name Christopher is used as the name of the ancestor Simon looked up to and I feel like he and his story should’ve been way more important, ya know??? Like it does get used as foreshadowing for Richter and Maxim and other characters that get possessed later but mannnnnnnn. Justice for Christopher, and also justice for Cyncia too.

Asdfghjkll maybe make her playable in a Belmont’s Revenge remake that’d be so cool I wanna have my Murder Dad and Murder Mom tag team. Also that fits the themes of “he went at it alone and things went wrong but it went right the second time cause he wasn’t alone” and aaaaaaaaaaa do you see my vision

[cj-the-random-artist]

Solo Skizz!!  And Camel Bubbles!!

(And an assortment of other doodles ahem)

Skizz doodle because sometimes ya just feel like drawing Skizz, ya know??  Let’s be honest Skizz needs more appreciation.  He’s amazin.

Also, have this assortment of other doodles!!  Which I wasn’t going to post without a big doodle cuz I don’t normally do that.  So.  Doodles!!

That said I hope y’all are having a good day and that you enjoy this assortment of random arts and that good things happen for you today <3

[townofcrosshollow]

One of the characters from my Apocalypse World game, and a possible love interest for one of the PCs 👀 (read: it's totally happening)

[potetosaradas]

guys... guys.. am i out of writers block hell???????

[ansy-tea]

Y'all ever stopped listening to your favorite bands for about 2 years for reasons you don't even know yourself. Maybe it's because you're busy. Maybe it's because you thought you've acquired new tastes. You really don't know. But then suddenly you listened to one song of theirs again and now you're sobbing over how good the songwriting was? And now that you're not a dumb High Schooler without much experience you understand the lyrics even more?

Anyways that's me with Fall Out Boy right now lmao. It's high time I listen to their new album later.

[diospore]

Y'know I think a funny thing to do would be if the series ended with Izuku suddenly snapping awake and finding himself still on the battlefield of the first war

(when he was unconscious and AFO+Shigaraki tried to take OFA, unless maybe there's a different point he'd be unconscious and vulnerable to mental attack)

and it turned out everything was an illusion by AFO in an attempt to get him to give up OFA that had worked at first but OFA returned to Izuku the instant he realized (permission rescinded before it could fully take).

And then it's revealed "yeah get pranked lol there's a sequel it's not over yet"

And everyone claps 👏 shfjgkshjft

[meateater-rabbit]

it ain't great, but >_<

@ghosttcryptids

[deus-ex-mona]

emotional support creatures

[silverselfshippingchaos]

i love my husband he's so silly goofy!!

[nothingmatters-everythingmatters]

Hello! Lesbian from the last ask about qprs again! Your ramblings were delightful as expected, it definetely gave me something to think about (as someone who has also identified with aroace for a while before adopting my current "label"). If you're still okay with answering questions, I'd like to know more about your thoughts on the aroace spectrum itself? I remember there being some discourse in the community about whether or not gray area aroaces were valid or not (or something like that... I don't care enough now to remember lol). But just generally, what do you think of the concept of an aroace spectrum? (also can I be 🪼anon pls? I'm pretty sure I'll keep visiting your inbox in the future sorryyyy)

hi again :0 !! honored to get a named anon and I did not know there was a jellyfish emoji so that was also fun to learn lmao, and do not worry I love having stuff in my inbox it's like a little writing prompt for me sometimes and I really love that!

onto the actual question in the ask (which I am also very happy to answer genuinely I enjoy yapping far too much so this is very self indulgent)

it is also very long... I hope you enjoy more long paragraphs !!

similar to how I feel about qprs, I think a lot of the labeling and identification that comes from the concept of the aroace spectrum is just unnecessary and puts far too much focus on the idea of labeling yourself anyways. I mean, does it exist? yeah, it exists since you could define many things as a spectrum if you want to. and clearly, there are people who have such experiences that can be labeled on the spectrum, micro-labels do have some point of origin. but what it always comes down to for me is: does it matter? does it change anything to have a label versus not having one? does it actually help to have a label?

because, on the one hand, I totally get wanting to know that your experiences aren't isolated, that there are others who feel similarly. especially since we live in a world that has such a deluge of media that reinforces a very slim view of what the human experience looks like, and that there are a lot of traditionalist societal norms in the US that dictate the "normative" way to think about sexuality and romance, if you deviate from that norm, it can be incredibly isolating. that's why I do get why there is always so much passion (especially among younger generations) to defend these labels and communities, because in a way people just want to feel seen and understood. that's pretty universal, I think.

however, on the other hand, I think using a spectrum that spawns a new identification label promotes the "being seen" aspect more than the "being understood" part, and at least to me, the understanding is much more valuable when it comes to the function of a label.

a label that allows people to understand you, which can foster community--think "lesbian" as a label, it allows for same-sex attracted women to identify themselves and find each other to share experiences, advice, and advocate for general rights and protections.

a label that allows people to just be seen could be an identifier, sure. but if you just label yourself as "gray ace" or "on the ace spectrum", considering that it is a spectrum and thus could mean pretty different things for different people, it just lets people know this is what you call yourself and you probably think it's interesting enough to keep mentioning. plus, a majority of this kind of niche identification happens online anyway (what would be the point of a aspec bar, y'know. that's just a bar. or what legal protections do gray aces need? everyone has the right to not have sex with people they don't want to, that kind of stuff is in fact protected by the law, which is great) and calling yourself anything on the internet is explicitly about being seen a certain way and not questioned on it. so, the label becomes more of a vanity. maybe a conversation starter. more cynically, maybe a ticket into feeling special and asserting yourself in a larger, trendy community that has been slowly growing in a marketable demographic. (I really wanted to go on a tangent about the "do aromatic/aspec identities belong in the lgbtq community" discourse but then I realized I don't even really believe in the concept of "lgbtq community" so. uh. maybe a ramble for another day.)

(tangent I will go on: one very petty thing that pushed me to question the identification of aroace was that I noticed people who were identified as aroace or on the ace spectrum talked about it so much even though there wasn't much to say outside of niche fandom opinions. I found that a bit irksome, and became more self conscious if I was talking about it too much myself because if I found it annoying, I definitely didn't want to behave like that lol, especially because it's basically a conversational dead end to mention. for definitionally embodying the lack of something honestly aroaces do love to talk about that. I say this as I type another 500 words or something though lmao)

honestly, I think the label of asexual is pretty functional by itself, it's a lack of sexual attraction, which is pretty self explanatory and important to communicate to others. It's unique enough to have it's own community struggles to share (dating while ace, not relating to peers) it's just when you get to stuff like demisexual or throw in the split attraction model then it's actually way faster to just say "I don't really consider that until I have an emotional connection with someone" or "I don't see myself with that person/most people/whatever distinction romantically" or "I care more about personality" or just not talking about it unless relevant in conversation, which most people already do when it comes to their preferences and details of their relationship boundaries.

this is already so long and I feel like I've gone slightly off topic but I am just gonna sandwich this last thing I've been thinking about regarding micro-labels, especially aroace related ones. sometimes, to me, it feels like there's too much possibility for them to become excuses. like, if I say I'm aromantic, I might just be justifying my own fear of intimacy and opening up to people, and no one can push me on this because it's "valid" and if you push back that would be the equivalent of "telling a gay person they're not gay". which it obviously isn't. If I say I'm "fictosexual" I might just not talk to a lot of people in real life and am very obsessed with fandom culture, or I might just have a celebrity crush and very little real relationship experience, which I definitely won't gain if I just label myself as some flavor of aroace and commit to justifying my adherence to a comfort zone. (the aromantic one is based on my actual experience, the fictosexual one is not but I can definitely see how a much younger version of myself might latch on to that. concerning!)

I personally also used the "safety" of the aroace label of not needing to come out as a crutch to ensure I wouldn't have to think about telling my parents at all (it's much easier to tell your parents that you don't feel like dating anyone than to tell them you want to date a woman). it just became another way I could repress things without having to come to terms with the fact that it was repression. sometimes I blame myself for this, sometimes I don't. it is actually pretty bleak sometimes to be same sex attracted, and I have had many sleepless nights where I truly feel the weight of what I have to do to simply find the love and support heterosexuals have easily. it's all tangled up with my self-hatred, and led to me dealing with a lot of anger and dysphoria over "not having it as easy" as men. obviously all that is pretty toxic, and only when I was able to come to terms with being same-sex attracted could I start tackling these things head on. I do think if I kept believing in the aroace spectrum and community wholeheartedly, some of my problems would have gotten worse. repression is not really a good technique, who knew?

all in all, I think if you start to think about all of it too much, it begins to unravel. asexual is maybe the only "useful" label but the rest of it falls apart in meaning and purpose to me. and the more nuanced stuff, like the concept of a split attraction model, is interesting academically and in discussion, but I feel like introducing to the clumsy hands of twitter, tumblr, tiktok (and other social media sites that don't start with t) as a way to determine identities on par with lgb ones is. probably not super productive.

apologies in advance for the unhinged use of prepositions and conjunctions on this one, I had way too much random shit to say and too little energy to actually properly draft and edit it, feel free to ask for further clarification or elaboration! big big thanks again anon I shall look forward to you in my inbox once more :D