#in my defense it is SO incredibly specific of an item to mention

[ratcontrolledracecar]

not to have spn brainrot on main but why does this feel like a reference steve yockey and jeremy carver i need answers

[cooliofango]

SEBASTIAN SOLACE FLUFF you walk into his shop looking like death, at first he acts snarky as usual, but he feels bad. you were never flashing him with flash beacons or pissing him off. he gives you a med kit for free, and lets you stay to rest. he lets you sleep cradled against his tail, and doesnt want to admit it but he enjoys it.

Not So Expendable

Pairing: Sebastian Solace x GN!Reader

Word Count: 1.2k

Synopsis: Reader has had a bad run and needs to catch a break.

A/N: NERVOUS!!! 😂 I want this to be a good start to the Pressure fandom so I hope I did well! Thank you for requesting to help me get started! (And so quickly too!) I hope I’ve portrayed Sebastian well! If anyone who reads this has any positive constructive criticism feel free to share!

TW: Mention of injury, slightly graphic but nothing incredibly gory!

The familiar sound of someone pulling themselves through the vents pulled Sebastian’s attention towards it, the soft light blue glow of his three eyes settling on the rather ragged figure of the expendable making their runs for today. They breathed heavily through parted lips, a bloodied hand returning to their side to return to applying pressure to the deep red soaked material of their suit-- the right side, he noted.

“Oh my!” A baiting tone left his lips, sharp, pearly white teeth visible as he smirked down at them. “Aren’t you a sight to see?” A deep chuckle filled the air that quickly began to fill with the thick smell of iron. He’s seen wounds similar to the ones this expendable had on numerous occasions. This early in the run, they usually stem from a very specific monster here in the Hadal Blacksite. “I thought you would be smart enough to avoid such simple trickery. They’re only Good People, after all.” The emphasis on the monster’s name was spoken condescendingly, humming in amusement at his own play of words.

There was no response from the expendable. Their hand only pressed more firmly on their wound, limping towards him without so much as a glance in his direction. They only seemed focused on the items draped along the length of his tail. Sebastian frowned in slight annoyance, an emotion that showed vibrantly in his tone, “Fine, fine! Straight to business are we? And here I thought we had something special.”

That line was said tauntingly, though his frown softened. The expendable before him was definitely different from the others he has come across- special is quite the stretch, though, no? The first time you came with a group was a memory that stood out to him in that moment of reminiscence. A large and rowdy group of eight came in to purchase what they wished, with a rather infuriating kid thinking it was a good idea to use the flash beacon right there in the room with him. The sudden bright light stung his eyes harshly. He was about to lash out at the kid, a hand raised to rub the stinging sensation away. But a certain expendable’s voice beat him to it.

“Come on! Is that really necessary? You’re wasting the uses on it anyways!”

While it wasn’t necessarily a direct defense for him, there have been many other occasions where you would put your little group in line whenever you went out as a team. Likewise, you would remain courteous when interacting with him when you would make runs alone as well- no matter how much he would try to tease and annoy you.

A slight tug against his tail brought him back to reality, watching as your face went from relief as you placed a hand on the medkit settled dead center of all of the wares he had up for offer, to a heavy sense of worry as your hand moved to grab the price tag set above it. “Something not to your liking?” Though his tone still held a bit of mockery, it waned into something a little softer.

The expendable quickly shrugged off their bag, struggling for a moment to pull the zipper open with their free hand before digging through its contents frantically. Their face grew paler as an empty flashlight and old keycards toppled out the sides of the open bag. A few files were tossed onto the ground, as well as a couple of DNA samples- but they weren’t even half of what the medkit cost.

Sebastian cringed at the sight, an unpleasant feeling bubbling in the pit of his stomach. Sympathy? His jaw locked in place at the thought. No way. Sympathy for an expendable who will only be sent back once again when they’re on the brink of death, only to be healed to be good as new for the sole purpose of doing all again until the people of UrbanShade were satisfied? Absolutely not, was what he decided. It was nothing more than a slightly sick sense of pity.

The expendable in question dropped onto the ground, seemingly too weak to keep themselves up anymore. Their chest rose and fell with each heavy and shaken breath they took, leaning against an empty spot on his tail.

God, they looked pathetic..

Sebastian scoffed irritably, that same awful feeling that started within the pit of his stomach now crawling up his spine. They looked pathetic. He ripped the medkit off of its hook, tossing it in the expendable’s direction. It clattered loudly when the plastic box made contact with the stone floors, only stopping when it had hit the expendable’s leg and bounced off of it, landing it a few inches away from them.

Tired eyes moved quickly to the box and then to him, leaving only a second to wonder before it was hastily scooped up into their hands. Their hands shook from how weak their body was, and their hands slipped from how bloodied they were- but they managed to open it with an audible pop. The gauze wrap was in their hands in mere minutes, struggling to unzip the scuba suit they wore in order to make their most life threatening wound more accessible.

It was then that Sebastian was able to get a clearer view of the wound you so desperately were trying to keep from draining the expendable completely of their energy. He’s unable to tell if the wound was as deep as it looked, or if the wound was just large, causing the blood loss to make it appear deeper than it really was. It was definitely way worse than the smaller cuts littering their arms- most of which have already healed on their own- as well as the large bruise on the left side of their jaw.

Relief caused Sebastian’s shoulders to relax momentarily, his shoulders dropping with each second he watched the expendable patch themselves up to the best of their abilities. He scoffed at himself upon realization. He shouldn’t be feeling that way towards an expendable. He shouldn’t have helped them to begin with! He keeps telling himself this. And yet, here the both of you are.

The gentle pressure against his tail pulled him from his thoughts once more. The expendable rested against his tail again, eyes fallen shut and breathing more evened out than before. They looked far more relaxed than they were mere moments ago. They appeared almost too relaxed.

“Hey, now! Who said you could get some shut eye?” He initially began to tease, moving his tail to start wrapping around the expendable’s body with the intent on lifting them up to wake them. But he stops himself. His tail is wrapped completely around them, but it hadn’t tightened enough to safely lift them up without the risk of dropping them. The relaxed state, in comparison to moments earlier, eased his nerves. Much to his own dismay. A feeling of defeat washed over him, sighing to himself in slight annoyance as he crossed two of his three arms across his chest.

“Very well..” His voice was soft as to not awaken them, watching over them carefully as the room rumbled with the passing of an Angler just outside the room.

[tleeaves]

you mentioned you're exploring neurodivergence: characters you relate to in a way that migghhhht be related to neurodivergence and why you relate to them and i'll do my thing that i do with the characters

Thank you so much for this ask, lovely <3 so, yes, I am exploring neurodivergence, specifically along the lines of ADHD and CPTSD, but if I've learned anything while learning about neurodivergence, it's that certain aspects of disorders can overlap or even be mistaken for something else. Eventually, I intend to consult a professional. In the meantime, I make do. And I do have characters I relate to, in ways that might be related to neurodivergence.

We'll mostly deal with TSC characters. So, this is sort of combined, but James Herondale and Matthew Fairchild. I don't self-identify with them the way I do more with Cordelia, but I relate to things about them that just aren't quite present in her that are important to me. It's a bit difficult to talk about all the ways in which I relate to both James and Matthew without sharing some incredibly vulnerable stuff that I generally just don't like to talk about, but I'll try and pick out the things that might be related to neurodivergence.

This is... so so so tricky, actually. I mean, how do I even pin-point traits and things? How do I do this without sounding way too random and vague and end up just talking about things that might have nothing to do with the topic at hand? Matthew's mannerisms feel like mine, theatrical, flourishing hand gestures to accompany speech, being able to switch topics quickly, feeling like my creativity is stifled, way too focused on my physical appearance though I personally do my best to hide it, my reasoning for keeping fit is half about self-defense and protecting my siblings and friends and half about looking good which always makes me think of the way Matthew would treat training, I love finding and wearing unique clothing items that may or may not cost way too much and so it's lucky I just find these treasures in thrift stores, I also have a tendency to Smile my way through social circles (there's a running joke that I can approach absolutely anyone and strike up a conversation. Anyone), I flirt with everyone because I like the thrill of it and it allows a sort of distance from vulnerability in a way I can't exactly explain, this guy has depression and I have depression, I am often the comedian of the group or at least the entertainer (my failed dates and weird social encounters make for exciting conversations), and because of that... I don't know. Matthew feels like he's almost always acting. The world is his stage. And I feel like that all the time. I don't even know who I'm performing for half the time. It gets a bit exhausting in some ways. I struggle to always be an entertainer, to be social, to respond to conversations properly and not get way too hurt over little comments people make that they probably don't realise were taken the wrong way. I am a massive overthinker and the only times I can escape that are in entirely different environments where I basically have permission to have no outside obligations and relax or when I have the rare alcoholic drink that forces my body and mind to lose tension. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), my health doesn't allow me to drink often if at all these days.

So, I get broody, and that reminds me of both Matthew and James. I can be a very deep brooder. Silent, stone-faced, almost apathetic. That reminds me more of James. I'm a passionate person with a temper that I've spent years getting under control, but it means I need a lot of outlets for all that emotion. Getting too stuck in my own head makes me restless and I have to move and push myself physically to make myself too exhausted to be so deep in my thoughts. It's interesting, to me, that I workout for defense and aesthetics, but that it's also a crutch at this point for letting out pent up energies. If I don't, I go into weird, fairly brief episodes of extra excitable and sort of reckless behaviour (more like reduced inhibition), which can be worsened at night compared to if it happens during the day. If you hadn't clued in yet: it was after I analysed James in the post I have pinned on my blog that I realised how much his night on the town in TMH reminded me of myself, which is why I couldn't think of a reason for a while of it being a symptom of anything but him being himself just as I know that's how I can act. His cause for that episode may be different to mine, but I definitely felt some similarities there. Even James' performance-like behaviour called to me, his Chesire grin, the absolute mischief--as much as I am charmed (it's James Herondale after all), I also have this feeling of "that's me! I get that!" And yet I can't even name or explain it.

Which in turn makes me think of Will Herondale. I very rarely talk about this because a) one of my friends is in love with him and I don't need her associating me with him or vice versa, b) an ex of mine has expressed an affinity with Will which makes me feel like I can't have it either since we relate to him in fairly different ways, c) everyone would just roll their eyes at me. Oh, and, you know, it's weird because he's the father of my fictional crush 😭 Anyway. There's something about Will growing up in the countryside of Wales (I come from the countryside of Victoria where I spent just over half my life so far on a farm) and caring so deeply for his sisters, being connected to his culture and missing parts of it, being loyal to Jem and, eventually, Tessa to a point it's almost self-destructive and yet feeling like he's stumbling in the dark when it comes to getting people to like him and to being a good friend to people, being a little shit in general, spinning tales (I've done this since I could even talk, to the point where I used to fabricate so many lies as a kid, simply because I could, and because so many other kids had experiences and things that I never did and I tried to lie about it to make up for it), and I just... in the weirdest way, I relate deeply to Will. I'm not even as attached to him as I am many other characters, but he's who I think of first most of the time when it comes to his rather silly behaviour, his excitability (after finding out the curse was not real), his solitary walks, going to rare bookstores and knowing a bunch of classics, having a tendency toward poetry but only for certain people and rather privately, the messiness of his room even. My best friend jokes that my room (whenever she sees it) is actually Jace Herondale's room because it's "monk-like and bare", but she doesn't see it when I have a burn out period and I'm too exhausted to even put clothes away or cups of tea, or do anything about my piles of books or pens and papers everywhere. I leave jewellery out too. It feels like a dragon's den, which is what I think of Will's room. I rarely make my bed properly. There's nothing necessarily stopping me, and in fact I feel happier and better when everything is neat and clean and organised, but I just can't bring myself to do anything for certain periods of time.

There's also Jem, but he and I understand each other on a chronic illness level, which to me has always been a separate sort of mental framework. But while he makes music to sort through his feelings, I listen to music to help me focus (I space out and my thoughts derail and I'm rather time blind and hours will pass unproductively and music (or urgency/deadlines) so far is the only thing that gets me honed in on an activity/work). That's also a little in connection to other things though where music is my crutch. I tend to dissociate from reality and it's an alarming and distressing feeling. I've never seen it done in fiction quite like how I experience it, so I tend to just write it myself (you can see bits of it with Lila in WBITHOM, such as outside The Devil Tavern going after Matthew and in the dark ballroom scene the night of the Institute dinner with the Lightwoods). I've reached out to others who experience it and even did research, and I actually cried with relief because I thought I was going crazy and losing my grip on everything, but I'm not alone and there is every chance I can end these episodes. Music helps me focus and sort of tie me to reality/myself/the present moment, so that I don't "slip", because when I do I forget myself and my surroundings and started wondering where I am and how I got there and who I am and why I'm here--it's like an existential crisis except you've forgotten literally everything and you're stunned and everything looks weird and the people are familiar yet unfamiliar and all the sounds are kind of loud but also muffled. This is often a dissociation that can occur due to trauma, though also unknown reasons and triggers, and sleep deprivation is thought to either cause or worsen it in some instances (and I have not had enough sleep in some time, let me tell you).

Edit: also, for the derealisation/depersonalisation above, I do relate to Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games who uses this technique where she mentally goes through a checklist of things that identify herself and reality, i.e. My name is [full name], I am 19, I live in Australia, I am half-Greek, I have such and such sisters and so and so brothers, I am here right now with my family/friends, we are doing [activity], I was born [birth date] etc. Recalling these facts and things helps reel everything in, but I am still left rather fragile feeling afterward.

So, there's kind of a lot going on in this noggin of mine. I don't fully understand a lot of it. Life can be scary and frustrating and downright exhausting. But I'm determined one day to finally seek some help. As I mentioned earlier, I do what I can on my own and with friends. Anyway, that's me on the nature of, well, me. Feels weird to talk about myself this way, even if it was tied with characters. Sorry for the wait, by the way, this was really tricky to try and write (and then I kept forgetting, whoops).

[trans-clown-catgirl]

pokemon community hot take; i don't think Ghetsis and Colress had a power imbalance or that their relationship was abusive at all. more detail underneath the Read More because this came out longer than i had anticipated.

i don't think the abusive dynamic many people portray is exactly accurate, i get that ghetsis IS abusive and a total piece of shit, undeniably, but i don't think Colress was subject to that. i think that yes he was taken advantage of, yes he was manipulated, but i think to a degree, Colress knew that. after you beat him in the postgame, Colress tells you that he hated Ghetsis from the very beginning- ''For one thing, I detested Ghetsis from the start!", he makes it very clear that the only reason he cooperated was for his own benefit, to further his own research. the idea that Ghetsis abused Colress holds no ground in my personal opinion, Colress shows a lot of autonomy and ability to act on his own, namely, he sabotages Neo Team Plasma by giving you a device specifically intented to remove the Crustle barricade at Seaside Cave guarding the Plasma Frigate. you can't just say that it was on accident, because it would be a cosmically impossible coincidence for him to give you not only a device meant to energize Pokemon, after he had already shown you it can be used to move Crustle, but also have it break after a single use. if he wanted you to just have a silly little device to energize pokemon for your own personal use, why would he not just give you the colress machine he used back at Castelia City? he ALLOWED you to go into the Plasma Frigate and intervene, he willingly sabotaged them with seemingly no hesitation, and his confidence never once falters during the whole ordeal, not from the moment to met him to the moment you battle him.

it's also worth noting- Colress is an exceptionally strong trainer, much better than Ghetsis. he's shown to have a lot of battle experience, and his postgame team is incredibly competent, possessing Pokemon with full item builds, an eviolite Magneton, a pseudo legendary in Metagross, the single best Rotom form in Rotom-Wash, and a Magnezone which is a Pokemon with a LOT of amazing traits, and one he uses in your third battle with him, at the Frigate.

you could say it's just this good because it's a postgame team, because it's simple game design, but in his Frigate battle he still has a Metang, the eviolite Magneton, Magnezone, and an Air Balloon Klinklang (which is unusually clever item usage for an NPC, getting rid of Steel's Ground weakness). he's a smart, competent trainer, as opposed to Ghetsis who is incredibly impulsive and driven by anger. not to mention, Colress knows how to operate the Frigate in detail, which Ghetsis is never shown to do. so by all means, if facing aggression from Ghetsis, Colress can put him in his place and remind him he holds no power over him, that their relationship is one of mutual benefit, and that he's not going to be ordered around, he's not subject to Ghetsis' whims. he's a better trainer so his pokemon are more than apt enough at providing self defense, he's smarter than Ghetsis, he knows the inner functionings of the very ship they're on better than Ghetsis does, and overall he holds every advantage possible he could against Ghetsis. and his lack of hesitation to sabotage Ghetsis, how openly he states his hatred for that man, the way he later intervenes in the Rainbow Rocket episode of USUM simply out of sheer hatred for Ghetsis more than any affiliation to the Aether Foundation, even going so far as to steal the Master Ball that Ghetsis had stored away after his defeat at the end of BW2, despite knowing damn well the Shadow Triad still follows Ghetsis and acts in his steed, Colress was never powerless against Ghetsis.

he didn't just grow a backbone later, he's always been like this. he's not a victim, he was just as guilty of the things that happened in BW2 as Ghetsis was. he's morally gray, that's the point of his character- being a Chaotic Neutral who can be either a great asset or great threat depending on who makes the most compelling argument to him as to how he should go about things, how to conduct his research. Ghetsis convinced him one way, then the player convinced him the other way, and he's stayed on that path since, purely because no one has really made a good enough argument for him to do anything as reprehensible as the things he did in BW2. he's not iron-clad, obviously! in USUM, he develops the N-Solarizer and N-Lunarizer, used to fuse Solgaleo and Lunala, with no concern as to how ethical the procedure may be, even stating he has experience with Pokemon fusion, showing that if he does regret what he did, it's clearly not to a strong emotional level. he wasn't forced to do what he did, there wasn't a power imbalance, and while i do respect the narrative weight of how some people portray his relationship with Ghetsis, i think that as far as the game goes, it's very unsupported and it shouldn't be stated as fact, like some people say it is.

tl;dr: Colress is not a victim, and i personally think people who argue as such completely miss the point of his morally gray nature and ability to be swayed into doing horrible things by anyone who makes a compelling enough argument and gives him the resources he needs. Ghetsis is still a scumbag, he still absolutely abused N and did horrible things, he has victims, but Colress is NOT one of them.

[idiacide]

Match-up info from 📖! Fine with either a match-up with a student or staff, whoever fits best with me. They/them pronouns please! I'd like to think I'm rather laidback and chill, generally try to be polite and amicable on first meeting. Though I definitely can be reserved if I don't click well with someone right off the bat. Though, if we have a shared interest/passion or I can sense the person is really kind, I can definitely open up a lot more easier and can get animated, loud, and excitable.

I try to be a good ear and shoulder to cry on if say my partner has something weighing on them. But if they need advice, I won't be afraid to have a firm tone with them if they need to hear the truth. Of course the support would be overflowing cuz nobody wants to see their partner sad. Definitely can say my love language is affection through physical touch and spending quality time.

Some bad qualities I do have are that I can get rather defensive if someone points out a flaw or I did something wrong. I REALLY cannot let go of grudges if someone has hurt me and I do have a bad habit of not mentioning it cuz I'm too proud to go crawling to the other person to admit I was hurt. (Trying hard to fix this though hrhgrgh) DEFINITELY can get sharp-tongued and raise my voice if someone gets an attitude with me. But at the end of the day, will try to mend anything and clear the air cuz I'd rather be happy than overthink on festering negativity.

Finally, some interests/hobbies include writing, illustrating, animals/wildlife, handcrafts (sewing, crocheting, building minatures, etc), video or tabletop games, collecting merch or interesting lil knick knacks, animated shows, and webcomics.

Sorry if this was so much info, just wanted to give as much foundation as I could, aaaaaaaa.

First paid matchup lets fucking goooo. If you yourself would be interested in a matchup+meetcute, feel free to send me 10 dollars on ko-fi and dm me to work on the specifics.

After having read this over few times, I match you with Jade Leech

-Laidback and chill is a break and a half for Jade, who is used to having to deal with MUCH stronger personalities all day long. It would be the politeness more than anything which drew his attention. Most people tend to treat him as though he’s always up to something. Which, to be fair: he usually is. But still, it’s at least a little frustrating to be held at arm’s length before you’ve even had the chance to say anything. As time goes on he comes to appreciate your general easy-going nature. While he enjoys a bit of chaos in his life, it’s nice to be around someone who neither judges nor worsens circumstances around them.

-Its rare he’ll take advantage of your listening ear, as he prefers to handle matters that trouble him on his own. Still, having the option available to him is honestly refreshing. Floyd tends to be too caught up in his own whirlpool of emotions to really notice what’s going on with his twin. Additionally, he appreciates being able to come to you when he wants an honest assessment. Jade values truth in his partners, and hates people who dance around the facts just to ingratiate themselves. Though he’s not the touchiest person in the world, he’s eager to provide if it helps you relax.

-Again, Jade’s used to dealing with a great deal of stubbornness. There’s a part of him that can even find it endearing. He’s an incredibly patient man, and even gets a little kick sometimes out of encouraging your grudges into a vengeance cycle.Your enemies are his enemies, after all~  However, like you, he tells the truth to the people he values. He’s very careful and tactful, but manages to help you keep certain things in perspective and not go overboard too often.

-As for hobbies, while you share a mutual interest in nature, Jade’s also quite willing to learn about your other fascinations. Handcrafts and your curious collection of items in particular are very readily compelling to him, and he’ll happily listen to you explain the lore behind each of them. As long as you’re willing to repay the favor with his mushrooms.

Meetcute: 

You rocked back on your heels, fidgeting a little with the straps of your pack. The sunlight is just beginning to peak out over the horizon, and you have to keep bouncing from leg to leg to keep warm. Your breath comes out in cloudy spirals. 

Where was everyone? You were fairly certain those fliers had mentioned meeting in the courtyard outside the Hall of Mirrors. 

You hadn’t exactly been searching hard for extracurriculars, but the posted notice for the Mountain Lover’s Club had drawn your eye. You’d always loved animals, and since arriving in this strange world you couldn’t shake a lingering curiosity about the types of magical creatures that might be out there. The poster had promised an early morning hike, free for all prospective members to join. No paperwork required.

Leading to you, standing out here in the cold. Alone.

You were beginning to contemplate cutting your losses and heading back to Ramshackle to warm up when a voice startled you out of your drifting thoughts.

“I must admit, I honestly didn’t expect anyone else to be here.”

You jerked around like you’d been caught. A VERY tall young man with choppy teal hair was emerging from one of the many passageways. Like you, he was dressed for the outdoors, with sturdy clothes and a slightly worn backpack resting comfortably on his shoulder. He seemed almost amused by your presence, mismatched eyes gleaming through the dim light. 

You scrounged desperately around your still growing list of names and faces. It was early days yet, but you had the sneaking suspicion this one had a twin.... “You’re....Jade, right?” God you hope you nailed that one, switching the names somehow felt ruder than just not knowing altogether. He rewards you with a smiling nod as he comes to stand in front of you though, filling you with relief.

“And you’re the prefect of Ramshackle dorm. I’ve heard much about you.”

“Yeah, well....” You shifted a little bit from foot to foot, slightly embarrassed by the notoriety. Isekai into one school orientation... “You said you weren’t expecting anyone?”

“A club involving this much physical exertion with this little glory isn’t exactly popular among students here.” It doesn’t sound like that fact particularly bothers him. You catch a glimpse of sharp teeth as he talks. “We have a few other nominal members, but I’m typically the only one participating in activities like this.”

“Well....that makes this a little awkward, then.” You say, trying to joke off the dawning realization that you’d just signed the two of you up for multiple potential hours of one on one time.

“Is it?” He tilts his head, almost curiously. “I’m not sure....I’ve never minded the privacy, I mainly make the posters for Crowley’s benefit.”

Despite yourself, you feel the faintest twinge of irritation. Sure, it was one thing to joke about it, but did he seriously mean to imply he didn’t want you here? Ordinarily you might not assume so, but with how rude everyone at this school habitually is...”Should I go then?”

His eyes widen, almost in surprise. “Oh, no, you misunderstand. I didn’t mean it as a bad thing. A novelty, rather.” He checks his watch, humming faintly. “Shall we go?”

“Uh...” Stranger. In the woods. For hours. Well, why not. “Sure.”

He smiles again, this time giving you a full view of those sharky teeth of his. You follow him into the hall of mirror, up the stairs towards the world mirror.

“Can I ask what your interest is with this activity?” He said, glancing back at you as you follow him up the stairs. “I’d have thought you’d be more focused on trying to find your footing in the new environment.”

Again, you still weren’t sure how much he meant to sound passive aggressive. Something about the tone read more like genuine curiosity to you, though. “It’s....all been a little overwhelming, honestly.” You admitted. “But...I always liked nature back home. I don’t quite have the tools to engage in a lot of my other hobbies here, but I figure mountains can’t be too terribly different between worlds, right? Besides, there might be some interesting animals to look at. Does that make sense?”

His expression doesn’t change much. But you swear there’s something that flickers, just a little, behind his eyes. “It does. Truly.” The two of you finally arrive at the mirror. Jade pulls his magic pen from his pocket, tapping the glass and watching the ripples carefully. “I’ve always found it relaxing, as well as educational?”

“Educational?”

He grins. “There’s such a broad variety of mushrooms to study here on land...”

In the end, the hours weren’t anywhere near as awkward as you might’ve dreaded. Jade was an easy enough conversationalist, but never seemed to mind the quiet when you ran out of words. More than that, he was a surprising fount of information. You guess it only made sense for what you assumed was the club president? But he usually had some interesting tidbits on the variety of fauna you spotted, as well as a few handy guides on the place which could help fill in the gaps.

“You really do your research.” You say, squinting hard at a few sketches of birds to see what best resembled the one echoing every last word you said. Research, research, research.

“As I said, I’m usually alone up here. Being well-researched is a basic precaution.” Caution, caution caution. He chuckles, turning to you. “Though it is rather gratifying to have someone to say this all out loud to, I’ll admit.”

Out of courtesy, you ask him a few questions about the mushrooms he gathers as you go. You’re not expecting much, necessarily, but the wealth of information is surprisingly engaging, as well as the clear passion he has for the subject.

All told....you wouldn’t mind making it more of a regular thing. Nor, judging by the surprised look on his face when you asked him about formal applications, would he. 

[fisherrprince]

do you have more thoughts on keyblade fighting that you need to put somewhere, because i have two hands ready to catch Should The Need Arise

anon: hey I heard you mention you’d analysed the combat styles in KH and what you said in the tags was already alluding to really neat stuff, but I for one would love to hear more of what you came up with!! so if you ever wanted to share any of your analysis then the floor is yours

aHAH, MY EXCUSE!!

Okay, so first some words on “standardized wielding styles”. These are styles shared by Terra, Aqua, Vanitas, Riku, and Xehanort and every other scala and daybreak kid. I will make the argument that the red style is the fanciest standard style, while the purple is seen often to make it easier on the little chibi sprites. BUT, I cannot discredit Eraqus, who uses the purple variant in bbs, nor can I discredit half of the Foretellers (Gula and Ava, at least, use this. Invi and Aced use the first type). So, two standard styles. For simplicity, let’s say one for primary offense, one for primary defense. The standard offensive style really wasn’t popular before Scala-era society.

check this difference out, specifically between ava invi and gula:

then between eraqus, hermod, and xehanort, and eraqus and terra.

These two were likely popularized and standardized for education in Scala ad Caelum for their predominant lack of obvious weak spots.

After this, we have unique styles. Those include Sora Kairi and Xion’s (similar to standard defense, but more mobile at the expense of form — Kairi takes after Sora but less confident, she hasn’t been hit that heavily yet), Ven’s (backhand, heavy range and mobility), Roxas’ (modified for two keyblades, but takes after Sora), and Axel’s (taught himself, comfortable with chakrams).

So! Let’s go.

.

Standard (offensive)

All styles have sub-variations, of a sense. Different wielders can choose where their keyblade points, and how they hold it exactly, based on what makes them most comfortable. Terra and Aqua point theirs downward, while Vanitas and Riku hold theirs above their head. What is recognizeable to this style is a hand for the sword, and a hand for guarding/blocking/items/magic.

It’s incredibly efficient. With only one hand on the weapon, you not only free up a hand for other things, but increase your range of movement with said weapon. Test it out yourself! The keyblade hand is always your dominant hand, held behind you for increased power when attacking (since you lose a significant amount of it by choosing not to grip with both hands). This style also decreases the speed of the defense you have, but with that increased mobility and swing power, along with a hand free to brace against the keyblade (defense strength up!), it makes up for it. Many people who use this also have strong barrier spells — both a testament to their preference for coverage and an acknowledgement that any directional block will take a little longer and be weaker if they try it with one hand.

The pointy end, though. What difference does it actually make, the height it’s at?

I think it’s half a matter of attack style preference and half intention. Riku, Vanitas, and Xehanort stab quite a bit. Aqua and Terra slice more. Not that they don’t do both, but it’s the first instinct. Aqua and Terra are also likely taught to hold their keyblade neutrally, in a safe position, until someone starts attacking. It’s polite! Eraqus also holds his one-handed, neutrally, until he gets into position. Riku and Vanitas learned to fight assuming everyone was out to fight them. Invi and Aced may like this style because of range (i hc she’s blind and strikes very very quickly, and he’s already very powerful with just the one arm and wants better motion).

and on character specifics: Terra often switches to two-handed, to copy his dad and add extra power to his hits without always sacrificing the empty hand. Vanitas likely was forced to relearn how to fight, as instead of solely being trained to be better at withstanding, he was constantly being made to better his own attacks. The moves Xehanort uses would best be replicated in the same style. Vanitas is wild for holding the massive spiky x-blade like that.

Now, what‘s good on this style does not correlate to what’s bad in the other. The two standard styles simply have different ways of dealing with each con they create or taking advantage of each pro.

(Here’s an interesting side note — Gula uses standard defensive, but in this instance, swaps. One hand… likely to display confidence! Wrong move, but hey. He got cocky. He’s also doing it wrong, and swaps back to two-handed to take Aced’s attack.)

.

Standard (defensive)

The main detriment of this style is the lack of ease of long range movement. Hold a wrapping paper tube out in front of you with both hands, then run. It goes to the side, or tucks in to your stomach, right? Dodge. Your legs will get in the way unless you know where to move that sword. It requires, interestingly, a little more discipline. You’d think Aqua would like that, but no, she wants movement and practicality, and she loves magic, and remember that you must take a hand off this style to grab a potion. You’d think young Eraqus wouldn’t, but remember that he’s a fancy royal lad.

The main draw, though, is tankiness, readiness, and power. You don’t need to move as much if nothing dares hit you! Ava and Gula might be attracted to this style because they’re not as physically strong, but want protection in close-quarters fighting. Using this style when your muscles aren’t as big but you still want to Hit Things Good, or when you want to be a boy you can’t knock over with a pail of water (horse stance rules), is probably solid advice.

Traditionally, this is a lot less like fencing, and a lot more like a samurai sword or kendo. Your blade is held in front of you, giving you very easy access to blocks and frontal attack/defense. In losing some twirly spinniness, you gain power and minimize your opponent’s ability to parry and block.

you gotta dodge master Eraqus so mcuh

All styles will swap between one and two hands for different moves. Eraqus, notably, swaps to a stance very similar to Xehanort when channeling a metric ton of magic.

Both of these styles require a degree of upper body/core strength, as does all swordfighting. I would be interested to see someone whose keyblade style relies on leg strength.

.

Sora, Xion, and Kairi

please look at the difference between the foretellers’ or eraqus’ two-handed grip and Sora’s. Do this with your shoulders and a top-heavy object.

They’re both in a hard stance, but hon. What are you, a gremlin? Anyways, a traditionally taught master would have… better form, even if it’s harder to learn at first. It’s habitual. Sora nearly crouches, and holds his keyblade back-pointed with two hands, which makes it easier for him to dodge roll, push off his feet quickly, and pull off those spinning combos he loves. It‘s really gonna hurt his muscles, in the future, though, since he’s doing a squat for like…. hours. Pulling on those shoulderblades and neck. Xion, too. Replicas had better have correct muscle dynamics. Kairi is brand new, so… maybe Aqua can teach her how to hold a sword so it doesnt hurt you.

Okay, now look at the grip itself. Held in front versus held to the side-back. They’re really attempting to combine both standard styles subconsciously, giving themselves more attack power while really wanting to keep that hard defensive parry, wanting to prevent all attacks to the front while also wanting mobility. It’s working for them really well, they fight like an anime character, and manage to get the best of both, with a minor sacrifice of length range that they don’t care about. We’re flexible and full of magic, baby! Holding the blade like this makes it pretty easy to let go with one hand without sacrificing that crouched defense position.

Now, Sora, specifically, is very adaptive. He’s had two keyblades, claws, guns, yo-yos, and a giant shield, to name a couple. He retains a bit of that alert crouch no matter where he goes, but Sora knows how he wants to attack and how to balance that with the most effective way to use his current weapon. He’s a smart kid! Sora has the most ridiculous shotlocks, which are also probably due to not always wanting to go standard for it. He also prefers to keep his focus on the enemy, which is evident in his reprisals and lack of very many effective “escape” moves.

Xion is very similar to Sora, but she does have some moves that are all movement. She switches to one handed for strikes a lot — using two for defending, one for smacking. In her data battle I’d swear some of those heavy hits are claymore-like. But anyways, since we’re magic, Xion cares not for the laws of exhaustion, and will ping about as a ball of light everywhere. Short range? Up in your business. Mid-range? In your business with one hand. Long range? Throws a boomerang. Hit her? No you dont. Ball of light. She’s above you and wants to bash your head in. (Vanitas also does this! A lot. It’s an easy way to catch someone off-guard. I’ll argue that the soras are very tough and strong, but not tanky. they want to avoid being hit a lot)

Another interesting note about Kairi. I say “unconfident” not because she doesn’t hit hard, but because her stance is also often tilted back, ready to dodge. It’s two handed, but almost all her moves are one. She does love spinning and throwing the thing! It looks like she’s been taking notes from the wielders she knows. It would be easy to teach her a standard style, I think. See here, she lets go on the strike, and by trying to do both, actually ends up with an advantage (being confusing) and disadvantage (losing both the power of two handed and versatility of one handed).

A counter to Sora and Xion is difficult to pin down. Time? Probably. Lack of heating pads. Something that takes all their attention is about the only way to get a sneak attack in, and then you have to hit hard. A counter to Kairi would be anyone who can knock her off balance. She needs a sturdier stance. .

Roxas

Roxas is interesting. He takes after Sora for the one blade. Wielding two, however, nets him a totally different way of fighting. Roxas’ clavicle muscles n… deltoids and stuff must be Ironclad. Also, two handed means you are very fast and sharp all the time. He has the advantage of standard defense (horse stance), and the advantage of offense (range of one sword, but twice).

Roxas generally attacks in two ways — simultaneous hits, and follow-up hits. Either he hits with both at once, or hits hard with the first one, and adds the second one as a bonus smack. He can attack by hitting in opposite directions with the two, like a drum, but that will be a little awkward and leave him prone to being tangled. That established, the follow-up hit method means he spins a bunch. As do we all.

Roxas gets a little complicated because we are not in the real world. We have magic and turning into light and physics that let you become a circular saw. So, typically, disadvantages would include: being unable to let go of a weapon to grab something or use an item, having just a very big silhouette to attack on, having difficulty with close-range attacks because Oathkeeper and Oblivion are kinda long, and convenience. Roxas gets to dodge #1 (keyblades can be unsummoned) and #4 (keyblades can be unsummoned). Speaking of dodging, he also gets to skirt the difficulty of dodging and rolling with two swords because he turns into a beam of light. But he can’t dodge how difficult it is to use two swords effectively — he needs to concentrate on fighting, and nothing else, or he risks messing up. He has to be very, very coordinated, and undistracted. Luckily he’s pretty good at making his opponents shut up, most of the time. Blocking is another thing — theoretically his blocks could be strong, but Roxas has no real brace: crossing your blades and taking a hefty stab might smack one of them back into your face. He mostly uses reversals and dodges, because of this.

The takeaway to this is Roxas is built for speed and power, and he is very strong. He’s a mid- to far- range fighter who if you’re not careful can snap you in half if you’re too close (be SO careful of that cross blade scissor).

A perfect counter to Roxas would be a tank that can grapple, and also be very distracting. If you can take hits, be talkative, and get close enough to stop his blades, you have a chance.

.

Ventus

This is a bizarre choice, my guy, but I get it.

Backhanded weapons are very impractical for a lot of... attacking, mainly in mid-range combat, and Ven likes to either fight very close or throw the keyblade like a boomerang (and hey, backhand gives it a good whip for throwing). His attacks aren’t meant to one hit KO, but they do come with a bit of power to them, especially on the backslash. Like holding a knife for gouging. It’s for very close defense — pretty good when Wayward Wind and Missing Ache have hooks.

Backhand also, while retaining that empty hand for potions and guarding, gives you an extreme coverage boost. By which I mean Ven’s sword hand now has a nearly 270 degree sweep of “I see you, don’t touch me”, very quickly, based on just flicking his wrist. It sacrifices a ton of strength/sturdiness, but you don’t need that if you’re dodging. You also don’t really need to block, which is slower, but relatively sturdy when Ven does it, as he blocks with mostly the chunky hilt between crossed arms. He sacrifices (again) a bit of strength for coverage — an attack would hurt his arms, not his chest, if he were hit head-on.

His attacks often have him flip the blade around in his hand, too. Quick swaps between standard moves and backhand ones. Basically, Ventus is built for moving, protecting himself, and quick attacks that wear down the enemy, not outclass it. Likely because he’s good at fighting, but everyone he’s fought hits harder than he can! It doesn’t matter how he holds it, getting hit will hurt. So he just. Doesn’t. He’s not a buff little guy — but he is a persistent one. Ven very likely made this up on his own, in Daybreak, and it was too hard to fix his whole style, but it was enough to correct most of his form so he doesn’t hurt himself too much. He is going to have to really stretch that shoulder and wrist (maybe get a brace), though. At least his neck is ok. … not sure about his knees tho dang boy that crouch

A perfect counter to Ven would be someone big and fast, who hits hard mid-range. He’s already been sparring with Terra, though, so when in doubt, try scruffing him?

.

Axel

Theres not a ton to say about him — he‘s not a swordfighter. He uses his keyblade like it’s a frisbee. Because that’s what he’s used to! His neutral is behind his back on his shoulder, which is terrible for readiness, but okay for chucking the thing. It’s good it has a sort of… ripstik like… boomerang quality.

Axel’s fighting style is completely made up, like most of the self-taught wielders’. His strengths lie in some of the benefits of standard offensive style (one-handed), and some of the same coverage stuff as Ven, having a cocked wrist most of the time so no one can sneak up around him without risking getting whacked very quickly, and having an interesting range due to the pointy end being basically on a spinny swivel wherever his hand moves. He’s not going to be good at close-range and he knows it — his attacks are mostly distance. And the guy has ZERO defense, combined with zero coverage when idle, so it’s for the better.

Distance-wise, though, he rocks. Treating the blade like it’s a flaming throwing weapon means his idle is actually great for sudden flick-tossing and attention-guiding for sneakier attacks, and his stance itself (…nonexistent) serves a different purpose: bait. Basically a big "come hit me". Fun, when you have a lot of fire magic and two friends who are beasts and love to take advantage of a distracted enemy — distance on the blade, proximity on the burning.

A perfect counter to Axel would be someone pinging around very close <—> very far and circling him incessantly. Like, data Xion could wreck him, as he has to wait for the boomerang to come back -- he no longer has two spinny wheels. Also someone with water magic.

.

SO! In conclusion! Having a teacher who teaches you correct sword usage rather than instinct may detract from overspecific styles that benefit you most but leave weak spots, but your muscles and your oversights will thank you. Everyone is glad we have the power of the Mouse and anime on our side.

Keep in mind again that I have done cursory research, and have had minimal actual sword instruction, I am not an expert and this is all for fun anyways :]

[dourpeep]

Hey do you have any tips for people who play genshin that are new? Like when It comes to Lvling characters and stuff?

OHOHOHO MY TIME HAS COME--

This is a little long because I get carried away and went over a lot, but!!

I think the overall most important thing is that...don't tire yourself out. But onto the good stuff-

Since you're new, when you're travelling around pick up whatever grabbable items you can get because it's better to have excess than panic later because you don't know where to get the stuff you need (guilty as charged, but now I hoard kdfaieh).

Make sure to mark down places on the map! I personally have all the crystal mining spots marked! I also mark down good hunting areas for meat and specific NPCs (namely, the four gliding minigame NPCs in Liyue). Sometimes I'll also keep tab on a specific mob that spawns somewhere (i.e. juvenile geovishaps) or specific character ascension material (like the sea ganoderma for Kazuha).

Run domains (weapon ascension/talent) + Ley Lines! While it's good to run bosses in the beginning, due to a lack of resources, it's important to make sure you give these attention as well! They're vital to leveling up your characters. If you're only working on a few peeps, Sundays are your best friend for domains because you can pick and choose what you want to do. But yeah, make sure to do those ley lines because you will run out of mora and character exp books fast.

Complete the story quests (optional, and a given lol) :D This is mainly because there's a few handy features that you can get from doing each area's reputation rank. For example, you can unlock the recipe for condensed resin once you get Liyue to rank 3, I believe? Don't worry about rushing through though! The quests are long and chock-full of story so enjoy them :DD

Artifacts! In the beginning, don't worry about running artifact domains as much, the ones that you get running around adventuring + from the adventure rank and journal are pretty good as is. Not to mention, it isn't until about rank 35 that you reliably get 4* and 5* artifacts...then it's suffering.

Don't be afraid to use foods. Something I've realized is that there's a lot of people who are against using the buffing foods (attack, defense, elemental res or dmg) just because it's not a flex?? But use what you can use, y'know? If you need to eat an adeptus temptation for that food buff, go right ahead! It's there for a reason and there's no need to limit yourself since playing is all about having fun

This one isn't as necessary, especially if you're going to be playing casually, but team comps are important too. While I personally do like making mine half-catering to my favorite characters, it doesn't hurt to make sure you have a few options when it comes to weapon or elemental types. Like Xinyan is a really great physical dps and she as a claymore user she's fantastic with breaking geo shields...but anything that has an elemental shield is incredibly difficult to knock out on her own. That's why I also have Qiqi who can apply cryo (though she's not the best cryo applicator) and Xiao who can swirl (used in tandem with Xinyan's pyro or Qiqi's cryo, I'm somewhat able to break most elemental shields down).

Don't be fooled by the meta/best in slot stuff. Yes, it's nice to have a character that is known to be incredible, but for the most part, I've noticed a lot of these stuff include limited banner 5* characters and weapons or p2p stuff. For the longest time, my team was made up of all 4* (and one Qiqi) and I was kicking ass! But for example, the 4* you get in the beginning make up a fantastic team.

Amber is great for her charge attack! She can easily hit 3k+ charge attack damage without really being built and takes down cryo shields like no other! She's also great against electro enemies because of that.

Kaeya is great because his skill and burst have short cooldowns and apply consistent cryo. I had him built as a support/dps in tandem with an electro character.

Lisa! I personally don't like using catalyst because I'm impatient, but hoooo boy does she pack a punch. Catalysts are fantastic because they always apply their element to enemies (very reliable dmg).

Traveler is also really good because they're pretty flexible. I prefer the anemo traveler because I love swirl reactions, but you can easily build them for their element damage or for physical damage. Also you get their character ascension stuff easily with adventure rank which doesn't hurt.

You can also get Barbara who's great for hydro application + healing for free in the beginning and you can get guaranteed Noelle from the starting banner. Noelle is particularly good because you can also build her to fill any niche. She has a shield, healing, and she hits hard because she's a claymore user!

Oh!! Going back to talents! Depending on what you're looking to build, you can only level up what's necessary. Like, for example, if you're building Kaeya for his cryo application, just focus on leveling up his skill and burst since talents are pretty costly! No need to build on auto attacks if you're just going to switch to him real fast, apply cryo, then switch back after all!

I think that's about it for now, but lemme know if there's anything else you'd like to know :DDD

[inkandpen22]

Otherworldly Kings and Queens (2/?)

Pairing: Peter Pevensie x Female!Reader / Prince Caspian x Female!Reader  

Warning: mild mentions of violence 

Word Count: 1.8k

Part Summary: Y/N and the Pevensies search the surrounding cliffs and they start to piece together what happened since the Pevensies leaved. Then, someone is nearly attacked... 

A/N: As requested, I’m releasing one more part today! In the next part Y/N meets Caspian!!!! Get hyped! 

Masterlist

After our antics on the beach, the five of us hike up the cliffs after Edmund spotted some old runes he mentioned not remembering. Peter holds my hand the entire way. One, because when does he not frankly? Two, because I don't keep my eyes ahead of us as I'm too distracted by everything around me. I've never seen any place Narnia! There's so much untouched land, for as far as the eye can see! I've lived in London my whole life. There's constant noise and good luck finding a patch of grass that isn't a park. I had only ever been to the ocean a handful of times and it never looked like this one. The water is so clear and crystal blue! Also, I swear I saw an actual mermaid tail flick up through the surface at one point.

"So you really don't remember these?" I question, referring to the runes. 

"Not from what I can recall," Edmund pants ahead.

Once we finally reach the ancient-looking stone structures, we all start to wonder about the place individually to figure out where we landed. Peter and I, however, remain together and stroll about. Trees and bushes of various kinds have grown over the rubble. It's must've been centuries, perhaps even thousand of years, since this place was inhabited.

As Peter climbs to the tallest point to get a better look, I pick a bright red apple from its branch and toss it to Lucy with a giggle. I stroll over to the edge of the platform that overlooks the western coast. Scattered bits of green covered land streak the horizon. Whoever lived here was lucky, they had the most incredible view! The sunsets must be unparalleled.

"I wonder who lived here?" Lucy questions beside me.

"I think we did..."

I glance over my shoulder and Susan holds up something in her hand. I narrow my eyes at the shiny object and I go over to join her.

"Hey, that's mine!" Edmund announces as he takes the thing from Susan. "From my chess set!"

"What chess set?" Peter interlocks his hand with mine once he reaches us.

"Well I didn't exactly have a solid gold chess set in Finchley did I?" Edmund sasses, examining the piece.

"It can't be!" Lucy runs off, shocker.

The four of us follow the youngest swiftly to catch up. It annoyed me when she would run off in London and I know that city like the back of my hand. If she continues to run off in a foreign land... okay, so I don't know what I'm going to do, but I sure won't be happy about it!

Lucy takes Peter's hand and starts to escort him up a platform. I slip my from his, which earns me a subtle glare of annoyance. I snicker as Lucy aligns Peter in a specific place. She sets each of her siblings in a spot, clearly onto something. 

 "Imagine walls," she instructs. "And pillars there!" She points before stopping in her own place on the far side. "And glass roof!"

I observe the four siblings lined up a few feet above me on the platform. I start to see what I think Lucy is envisioning. The pile of rock behind each of them, they're remnants of thrones! I look to Peter and he's starting to process it too.

"Cair Paravel," he concludes with a solemn expression.

We continue searching the once glorious palace that Peter vividly described to me countless times this past year. Peter is understandably crossed and has grown quiet. All I can do is continue holding his hand and rub my free one on his arm comfortingly. I hate not being of more use in figuring out what happened here. In my defense, I've never been to Narnia before.

Edmund jogs ahead and kneels beside a boulder. "Catapults," he mutters.

"What?" Peter finally breaks his silence.

"This didn't just happen," Edmund determines. "Cair Paravel was attacked."

After a moment, Peter marches off with a stern expression. Silently, he takes me along with him on his march without slowing down. Lucy and the others follow, just as confused as me. Clearly, Peter knows where he's going and is on a mission to get there. I would ask him where exactly our destination is, but I prefer to keep my head.

Abruptly, he stops in front of a tower-like structure. He releases my hand and starts to remove brush from the building. Edmund helps him press against the stone which eventually shifts to reveal a worn wooden door with a lion engraved on the handle. Peter picks up a rock and starts to go at the wood panels. The door breaks and gives way to expose a dark stairwell leading down. I glance over at Lucy and Susan who simply watch their brothers act. Evidently, they must remember this place too.

Peter rips the bottom of his shirt and starts wrapping it around a stick he’d picked up. "Don't suppose you have any matches, do you?" He checks with his brother.

Ed starts to dig through his bag. "No, but would this help?" He reveals his torch.

The girls and I giggle. Of course this would happen.

"You might've mentioned that a bit sooner!" Peter laughs.

Ed starts leading the way down the stairs. Peter gestures for his sisters to go then holds out his hand to me. He follows behind me down the grumbled stairs. I'm really trusting these four not to get me killed, aren't I? The three ahead of Peter and I and hurry around inside. 

Sunlight pours in from skylights and my eyes land on four golden trunks are line up perfectly in a half circle.

"I can't believe it," Peter expresses as he appears by my side. "It's all still here!"

The three younger Pevensies start to search through their old trunks while Peter and I examine the dusty treasures that have been knocked around from the attack. Peter picks up what appears to be shield and blows away the dirt that hides the giant lion face on it.

"Was it your's?" I ask over his shoulder

He hums, holding it out for me to see better. "Many years ago..."

My eyes flicker up from the shield and land on a marble statue ahead. The figure appears so familiar, yet how would that be possible?

"Wait," I step forward to study the face better. "Is this you?" I point.

"Yes," Peter laughs, placing a hand on my lower back gently. "Again, many years ago. I was older then."

I shake my head in awe, "yeah, no kidding."

"Here Y/N!"

I turn my attention to Susan and she tosses me a royal blue velvet gown. "You can borrow it," she grins. "It'll help you blend in."

I hold up medieval style dress in front of me. The only time I ever imagined myself wearing something like this was for Halloween.

"Take this too," Peter hands me a dagger from his trunk.

"Why would I need a weapon?" I frown. 

"Not every creature in Narnia is necessarily in favor of us," Edmund snickers, glancing between his siblings.

Peter rests his chin on my shoulder as I examine the red leather handled dagger in my hands. "It's alright," Peter comforts with a whisper in my ear. "I'll keep you safe... promise."

"I could I at least have a real weapon?" I request, laughing lightly. "If I'm going to be in real life threatening situation, I prefer to have a weapon that doesn't require me to be mere feet from my opposer!” 

Peter snickers, collecting items to change into. 

"I might as well kiss my life goodbye,” I add under my breath. 

"I got this katana as a gift from the Emperor of the Eastern Desert Lands," Edmund offers.

"What's that?" I've never heard of it before.

Ed removes the sword from its sheath with a whoosh as I cross the chamber to him. Its curved, thin, long, blade would be perfect. I graze my finger tips across the shining blade, in awe of it.

"I did research on it when we returned to our world. It's native to Japan, amongst the Samurai," he explains, placing the sleek black and gold handle in my hand.

"Hey! Hey!" Peter appears at my side in a blink. "Careful!"

"I got it! I got it! Don't get your knickers in a twist," I tease. I turn hold the sword up right to admire the blade closer.

"You could get hurt with that." Peter still worries.

"I could get hurt by someone attacking me too," I sass, lowering the weapon to address my friend. 

His eyes meet mine, filled with annoyance. He wants me to simply agree with him all the time. 

I smile, "wouldn't you prefer I have a sturdy way of defending myself?"  

"I think your words and wit would be enough to frighten them," he smirks.

"You charm me,” I blush. 

"Always do," he winks, taking the katana from me before someone gets hurt. "You can get it back when we leave. After that, I want it in its sheath unless absolutely necessary! I mean it, Y/N!"

I watch him slip the blade back into its leather casing cautiously. I place my hand over his to gain his attention. 

"You may be the King of Narnia, but you forget I'm not one of your subjects," I mock playfully.

"You're right," he agrees surprisingly. Gently, he picks up my hand and places a kiss to the back of it. Then, his features turns serious. "But while you're here your safety is my responsibility."

I roll my eyes, I hate how he patronizes me. One would think I'm one of his little sisters too with how protective he can get. Actually, he's less overbearing toward his siblings, even Lucy and she's significantly younger than me! With my luck something bad will happen, I will be away from Peter, and then what? I will be left with the dagger toy he gave me. As soon as I get that sword in my hands, I'm not giving it back. I'm just going to have to prove my capability to Peter.

___________________________________

Okay, so Edmund was right, some creatures don't like us! A black bear quite literally attacked Lucy! Fully charged at her and was going to eat her as a midday snack! That was until the DLF shot it with his arrow. DLF as in “Dear Little Friend.” His real name is Trumpkin, he’s the dwarf we saved from some Telmarines. Telmarines are apparently from another land in this world. They're human like us, but not friendly! I repeat not friendly!

Peter quickly grabs his little sister and pulls her to safety by me. I take her into my arms and comfort her as she cries. 

"I thought you said the animals could talk?!" I scream at Peter, rightfully distraught. 

"They can! I mean... they could..." Peter stammers, evidently just as lost as me.

“We... we just killed an innocent bear!” I stumble over my words. “We took an innocent animals life!”

“Innocent?! He was going to kill Lucy!” Edmund justifies it. 

“Y/N’s right!” Susan defends. “It clearly didn’t know any better!”  

“It was probably hungry!” Trumpkin shouts over all of us arguing. 

“Great! That makes me feel so much better!” I shout at the dwarf. 

"You've been away for a while... ” Trumpkin grumbles bitterly. 

He pulls his dagger and stabs the bear. I cover Lucy’s eyes so she doesn’t see the horrid sight. Peter notices me grimace and guides my face to hide in his chest. 

Was the stabbing really necessary?! It’s dead! 

“I think you'll find Narnia is a more savage place than you remember,” Trumpkin adds. 

"Oh lovely!" I sarcastically remark. "Looking forward to it!"

"Just stay close to me," Peter instructs, keeping one arm around me and the other around Lucy. 

"Don't have to ask me twice," I mutter, utterly afraid. 

Narnia is supposed to be this fairytale lovely land! There are pixies and stuff here! Where are the dancing trees?! Where are the people made of flowers?! I envisioned Neverland and I got a fence-less zoo! 

_______________________

Tags:  @hyperactiveravenclaw @rangergranger11​ @blackbirddaredevil23​

Masterlist

[zevexsii]

i love your blog! i started playing idv recently and i'm in love with your writing! know that you have an avid supporter of your blog 🥰 and i would like to see more of Andrew’s little things because i need my boy’s stuff😔

awww! thank you nonnie!

i have some more ideas for andrew, i know this bit plays heavily on his behavior and what goes on in his head, but i think those are important things to start out with, i’m sorry if those parts are dense and/or hard to read.

misc. andrew kreiss headcanons || cut for length

andrew is... a lot to unpack (loving). he’s an asocial, anxious, coarse man, with an inferiority complex complemented by years of intense religious trauma, with a side order of mommy and (lack of?) daddy issues. 

most of his interactions with survivors and hunters alike are very tense and rocky, andrew’s emotions being an unpredictable swing between bending over backward to prove his usefulness or snapping when required to respond in an overly aggressive manner. 

considering the time range that the manor survivors are from, andrew would probably receive some disparaging comments and microaggressions due to his albinism- the manor is already an unsafe place. The expected response from its inhabitants is even more triggering for andrew’s poor self-esteem. 

any sort of friendship or half-honest relationship is incredibly rare, and will only happen by circumstance, or if you approach andrew in just the right way, even platonically. especially platonically. andrew is deeply immersed in the narrative of his own monstrosity, maintaining and constantly feeding into the belief that he is positively unlovable and any kindness shown to him is an attempt to use him or some subconscious pity response. pity is the last thing that andrew kreiss wants from people. 

not only are those infantilizing words blatantly insulting, but andrew’s inferiority complex is tipped off by nearly anything, so even kind statements can be perceived as disparaging jabs or send andrew into a guilt-ridden spiral, thinking that he’s tricked the other party into seeing him as something other than himself. 

now for a little break from the psychoanalyzing lmao

andrew is super illiterate. he was never given any formal education, though his mother did her best to teach him the basics of the alphabet before she passed away. since he worked closely with the church and the bible would’ve been one of the most readily available pieces of literature, it’s expected that he knows a plethora of bible verses, but they’re mainly memorized. 

poor guy has really bad blood circulation, so he’s cold all of the time- another reason for the cassock and patched-up coat he’s always wearing. this isn’t due to his albinism, mainly just because of how tall he is. i headcanon that he’s at least 188cm when his shoulders are hunched, which is pretty much always, and stands at a whopping 195cm when he straightens out. 

now, as for his interactions with the people he trusts the most (still, there’s barely any trust there), andrew is flaky at best. it’s not his fault; his primary defense mechanisms include obscene amounts of self-isolation and some behavior that could be low-key considered emotional manipulation; mainly unintentional guilt-tripping. in particularly overwhelming situations, andrew tends to mutter to himself about any assortment of topics, always in a low, frantic tone, whether he’s discussing his own unworthiness or cursing out someone else. 

contrasting heavily with the media he’s been exposed to, andrew curses quite a lot. he’s not super bad about it, but it’s part of his image that he has to maintain for his own perceived sense of safety. however, if you use the “lord’s” name in vain around him, you’re going to get at least an eye roll or a nasty look shot your way. andrew doesn’t go out of his way to fight or correct people he disagrees with, but he definitely finds ways to passive-aggressively make his opinions known. 

andrew quite enjoys gardening, specifically orchids and irises. back at Lutz Graveyard, he had his own little plot outside of the cemetery walls. 

i headcanon that andrew’s family is german, so, adding a german accent and the occasional foreign phrase, he’d be relatively difficult to understand if you’re not paying attention. not to mention andrew’s mumbl-y speech patterns.

andrew has a surprising sweet tooth! although, he does hold indulging himself in such activities to be a bit of a shameful activity. he favors raspberry pastries or any time of glazed item- cake doughnuts are his weakness. also a big fan of hard candies! he still has some vague memories of sharing small caramels with his mother as a young boy; hence, he keeps it as one of his nostalgic favorites. 

really likes art. he’s always been around artistic depictions of his faith, and, lacking the vocabulary to express himself otherwise, andrew picked up whatever he could and scribbled things out. small pieces of smudged paper (andrew is left-handed), ripped and torn around the edges, can be found around seldom-visited corners of the manor, scrawled over with graphite and ink.  

also tagging @rintares because of their andrew fixation /pos

[monsterywriting]

Thenerius - pt 4

masterlist

word count: 7,146

AN: slight warning for mentions of animal death/general farm stuff. i tried not to write anything too graphic, but i realize what may seem pg for me may not be for everyone! i think i made up for it in the end, though :)

When you arrived back home from Alfore, you made a beeline to your room, leaving Thenerius to unload what you bought. From your desk, you grab a few blank sheets of paper from your stack and a pen, writing out a list of chores for Thenerius to do with detailed instructions underneath each numbered task.

By the time you finished and returned back outside to meet Thenerius, you’d filled out two of the papers front and back.

“Do you know how to read?” You ask as you hold out the papers for him to take.

“Of course,” he scoffs as he does, scanning the pages.

You blink at his unexpected reaction, attempting to alleviate his defensiveness, “No shame if you couldn’t. Some of the wealthiest people in the capital couldn’t. That’s what they hired so many scribes for.”

“Well, I said I can,” Thenerius not quite snapped, but he was clearly getting more wound up from you pushing the subject. You realized too late that your response came across as skeptic.

“All right. I put the faster jobs first and the longer ones last,” you say instead, opting to smooth over the topic entirely, “Don’t worry about finishing all of it today, I just wrote what I could think of. I’ll be back.”

“Wait, you’re leaving again so soon?” Thenerius looked up from the list at you, his eyebrows furrowing.

“I have to go to The Deep,” you reply, “It will be fast, just returning something and coming back.”

“What about the rabbits?” He asked, following you into the barn. You had nearly forgotten, the four creatures sitting quietly in their cage sitting in the barn.

“Clear out one of the empty stables and put them in there. All they need is hay and clean water for now,” you worry your bottom lip before continuing, “I don’t… normally leave so often when I’m not working.”

You’re not sure where the need to explain yourself comes from, nor why you feel placated when Thenerius seemingly accepts it.

You clear your throat, taking Horse by his reins and walking out the barn, “Then you can get started on that list.”

Horse makes it immediately clear he isn’t happy to be ridden again so soon - testing your commands to move and only going forward when you press your heels into his belly - but you know he’ll calm down once you reach The Deep and bribe him with a sack full of oats.

You enter The Deep in record time through the side door near the stables that lead directly into the kitchens. There was no one in there besides the new girl, who jumped and nearly collided into the large pot she stood in front of when she turned around to see you standing there, collecting herself and whispering a near inaudible ‘hello’.

She was painfully shy and as quiet as a mouse, and you couldn’t remember her name despite knowing you’d been introduced before. She couldn’t meet your gaze directly, something you knew not to take personally as she avoided everyone’s. You couldn’t help but wonder what she would do once the tavern got busy and all available hands were needed taking and serving orders.

“I need to find Lenora,” you interrupt her rambled apologies, having no patience waiting for the girl to form a sentence, “Is she in her room?”

“Uh—actually, Mr. Thistle is looking for you,” she said, shrinking back when you blinked at her - as though you were a ticking bomb waiting to blow. It dawned on you that this was not her normal aversion to social situations, realizing everyone already knew you spat with Lenora earlier. Great.

“I understand,” you say as gently as you can, “but I need to speak with Lenora, first.”

You emphasize speak, and after a moment’s hesitation, the girl nodded, looking around before whispering, “Mr. Thistle is working at the bar right now. You have to go back around to the main entrance.”

You nod your appreciation, stepping back out and going back around the building to the entrance to the inn portion, passing the main desk with a nod to the person working and climbing up the stairs. You knock softly on Lenora’s door, not wanting to draw the attention of Mr. Thistle, who had full view of you standing on the balcony if he were to look up.

As soon as you hear the door unlock, you push your way in and close it behind you, pausing once you see Lenora’s tear-streaked face. You had been until that point rehearsing what you would say, only planning on saying your piece and then leaving. Now, however, the words eluded you, seeming simultaneously too far and too little. When you finally managed to push them out, it was with a much less certain execution than you had imagined.

“I brought back your coins,” you fish the coin purse out of your bodice and force it into Lenora’s hands, “If you were meaning to trick me into taking them, you shouldn’t have used the embroidered one I gave you.”

Lenora turned over the small bag, her mouth falling open in a small ‘o’ once she saw the leaping frog, her thumb running over the vibrantly colored thread.

“Thenerius told me you thought I was… troubled. In the mind,” you continue awkwardly, going off script, the impromptu speech bursting forth now that you were in front of your friend, “I- I understand your concern. It doesn’t excuse what you did - it was incredibly stupid - but I understand it.”

“You’re right,” Lenora sniffled, tears gathering anew in her already red eyes, “I know I don’t deserve to ask for your forgiveness, but I just didn’t know how to get through to you—so I made a decision. A bad one, that only brought you trouble.

“I heard you speaking with Mr. Thistle that day. How you needed more shifts and- and gold. I knew you wouldn’t any of out help so I thought… Thenerius would be the best bet to help.”

“I’m not… as angry,” you finally admit, taking a long pause to take in the information and form an opinion. It’s true. You know firsthand that worry and desperation can drive a person to take drastic measures, and though you can’t forgive Lenora entirely just yet, you can’t fault her in trying to help.

“Has Thenerius come back to the inn already? I’m sorry I didn’t think matters through-”

“No,” you shake your head, wording the next sentence out of your mouth very carefully, “Actually, he’s staying with us for now. He agreed to work for room and board.”

“What?!” Lenora exclaimed, her recalcitrance forgotten for the moment with the potential gossip, “Tell me everything! Have you slept together yet?”

“Not telling,” you smile coyly, trying your best to come across as though you’re hiding the most passionate night of your life, the full details of which filled with debauchery just waiting for a listening ear, “That’s your punishment.”

You leave Lenora there, her pleas for mercy and just a yes or no falling on deaf ears. Rather than head back out the main entrance, however, you go to the stairs leading down into the tavern, Mr. Thistle immediately noticing you from the bar and watching your descent closely.

“I thought I told you I didn’t want to see you until your next shift,” he said as soon as you reached the bar counter, wasting no time getting straight to the point with his usual bluntness, “What happened between you and Lenora?”

“Personal matters, boss,” you reply with a glance at the lone customer sitting on the far end of the bar, “Sorry it happened at work. It won’t happen again.”

A blatant lie. A week couldn’t pass without someone getting annoyed at someone else at work and starting fights - most much more eventful and public than your and Lenora’s brief exchange of words.

Mr. Thistle looked up at the balcony, then at you, “I take it that means everything has already been settled. I don’t suppose you would be willing to tell me what exactly it was about, then?”

“Nope,” you answer cheerfully, “Now, it’s my day off and you very specifically said you did not want to see me for a whole week, so I’ll leave you to it.”

You could hear Mr. Thistle mutter something about how you all always closed ranks on him once you headed towards the kitchen, but he waved you off nonetheless.

“Wait!” You stopped at the sudden call of your name, just about to step outside, turning to see Lenora and the other girl holding a wrapped cylinder. Food.

You accept the gift with a nod, stepping out into the courtyard with a vastly improved state of mind and a considerable weight off your shoulders, ready to return home and finally eat.

When you do return once again for hopefully the final time that week, Thenerius was hammering away on the barn roof.

You hop off of Horse, looking up at the tiefling in disbelief. Replacing the old shingles had been the seventh or eighth item on your list and you hadn’t been gone long. You couldn’t believe Thenerius could have finished every task before that one in the time it took you to go to The Deep and back.

When he noticed your arrival, Thenerius made his way down the ladder to meet you leading Horse into the barn, still carrying the meal Lenora had packed for you. He was drenched in sweat and had shred his outer layers despite the frigid air, the sun beating down thanks to the cloudless sky.

“You’ve already finished the first page?” You called out once he was within hearing range, hopping off the last rung of the ladder and onto solid ground.

“First page?” He echoes questioningly, your stomach sinking until he lets out a sharp bark of laughter at your reaction.

“Don’t scare me like that!” You let out the breath you had held, looking out at the rest of the homestead, “You mended the fences?”

“Yes.”

“Cleaned out the chicken litter?”

“Did that first.”

“Then took it to the compost?”

“If you’d like, you can go through the list yourself to check,” Thenerius offered, his shoulders shaking as he laughed.

“No. No, that’s fine,” you reply, embarrassed by your own micromanaging before remembering the food and holding it up, “I brought lunch. Go rinse off in the river or something while I reheat this.”

The house is much warmer than outside, your mother or Thenerius apparently taking advantage of the new firewood.

Thenerius enters the house just as you’re setting down the plates, looking like an illustration from a strip in a newspaper you remember seeing once - a man who fell into a freezing lake and becomes an icicle.

You peer out the window, barely noticing how dark it suddenly was, clouds obscuring the sun and the tops of the trees bowing to the wind - certainly making the trek back from the river miserable.

“Go sit in front of the fire, quickly,” you wince half with pity, grabbing one of his folded blankets and throwing it around the tiefling’s shoulders as soon as he was seated in the warm glow of the fire, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it would get cloudy.”

“How the hell can anyone get in that water?” Thenerius gritted out through chattering teeth, shivering uncontrollably now that he was beginning to thaw out, “I think my stones are still inside my body…”

“The water feels quite nice in the summer,” your mother suddenly appears behind you, both you and Thenerius twisting around to stare at her slack-jawed. Her response to the former made it clear she had heard the latter comment.

You can’t contain your laughter, doubling over when you turn and see Thenerius’ mortified expression - and your mother’s amusement with the situation only fueled your own. It gave you the perfect excuse to not see how he watches you, his embarrassed grimace fading into a soft smile at your mirth while your mother watches the entire interaction with an unreadable expression.

You know she immediately catches on to the significance of Thenerius’ meaningful look, the entire reason for his sudden appearance into your lives undoubtedly obvious to her now.

“Everybody go sit,” you are still slightly winded by your outburst but considerably subdued as you walk over to your chair and plop down, taking a sip from your ale - a generous addition to the peace offering from Lenora.

The smell of the warm stew was heavenly for your senses - beef tips, carrot and potatoes all cooked in bone broth - making your mouth water at the sight. Cows were rare in these parts, Mr. Thistle the only owner of a herd for miles. Beef was the primary dish of The Deep, Mr. Thistle also offering deliveries during the holidays for those who had the gold to spend on it.

“Did Lenora make this?” Your mother breathed in deeply, both her and Thenerius clearly having the same reaction to the food as you did.

You shake your head, wasting no time taking a spoonful in your mouth, “The new girl. Applied to be a barmaid, but truthfully, her talents are as a cook.”

“The quiet one?” Your mother smiled knowingly, “I must agree she’s much better than you or I, though you’ve been making some improvements.”

You roll your eyes at the teasing jab, mirroring her smile as you chuckled. You weren’t a bad cook, but you were no chef, your own cooking style having only a goal of ‘edible’, “I helped in part, at least - harvesting the meat.”

“You slaughtered the animal?” Thenerius interjects - no judgement in his tone but definitely curiosity.

“Of course,” you laugh, nearly choking on your ale in the process, “Where do you think all the meat you’ve been eating comes from? A grocer?”

The conversation continues easily, your bellies filling with seconds and then thirds with ale still left over. You notice that Thenerius stops drinking long before your mother or you. It’s because he isn’t in the company of his crew, you try to tell yourself, but you can’t help the feeling of guilt that gnaws at you saying otherwise - that he was able to stop now that you weren’t continuously serving him.

“I’ll wash the dishes,” your mother grunts, gathering the empty plates before you can even think about getting up. You’re all too happy to let her, glad to see her so invigorated for the first time in a long while. You yourself feel your eyelids begin to grow heavy, the sheer amount of food you consumed beckoning for you to take a nap.

“I should keep working on the list, too,” Thenerius said, beginning to rise.

You place your hand on the crook of his elbow to stop him, “You’ve been up since before dawn and you’ve gotten plenty done today. You shouldn’t overwork yourself now.”

“I’ve had harder jobs. I can handle some farm work,” Thenerius snorted, dismissing your advice and standing without so much as a grunt as though to prove his point, “I’m a pirate, remember?.”

You shrug, too sleepy to seriously argue with his pride. Farm work was definitely different to manning a boat with the wind and current doing most of the work. And he also had an entire crew to rely on - here it was just him and you. The first day you worked on the homestead after so many years, you hadn’t been able to get out of bed the next day. However, you decide as Thenerius leaves to finish the shingles, it was no skin off your back if he woke up sore the next day. Either way, he was still going to work - he had to help you castrate the goats, along with all the other daily chores and whatever you wouldn’t get to on the list today.

You grab two woven baskets from the kitchen and go outside soon after Thenerius leaves, wishing the sun was still out as you walk to the vegetable garden downhill behind the pasture, a buffer between the animals’ waste and the river when it rained.

The rest of your very short afternoon is spent there, meticulously going down each row on your hands and knees pulling out the seemingly endless weeds that grew in your absence, tossing them onto the grass. Once you were confident that you got every last sprout, you began to harvest some of the tubers, yielding a good amount of carrots, potatoes and even a few onions.

Once the sun kissed the treetops and you were engulfed in the shadow of the barn from where you worked in the garden, you began the long process of drawing a bath, hauling bucket after bucket to the house. The sun sets by the time you finish, the water steaming invitingly. Your mother goes first, and you enter right after her.

You relax in the hot water, perfectly contented with your day and more at ease than you had been in a long time, something you couldn’t have imagined when Thenerius first showed up at your home and upended your quiet existence. You look up at the heavens, still able to make out the vast array of stars even through the steam rising to the sky. You watch in quiet awe for a while, only absentmindedly attending to actually bathing.

You only just stepped out the bathroom when Thenerius finally returns, your mother nearly done with dinner.

He seemed in high spirits, nowhere near as fatigued as you had been on your first day. You would never admit that you were wrong to Thenerius, but you definitely weren’t complaining if it meant he would be able to work the next day.

You go  to sleep early, eating while Thenerius was bathing and fast asleep by the time he gets out, tired after all the running around and the emotional mountains and valleys you endured with Lenora.

You don’t dream that night, waking suddenly with the sun still well below the horizon and the rooster not yet crowing his song. You get up anyways, actually feeling well-rested and not nearly as dreadful as you normally did after your days off, having done admittedly little hard labor yourself that day.

After changing into clean day clothes, you trudge into the kitchen to make coffee, Thenerius still snoring in his cot as you pass. He sleeps through the rooster’s first crow, and you let him rest until the morning fog receded from the field and the sky brightened from a dim gray to silver just before the sun broke the horizon.

When you finally do rouse him - first whispering his name and then shaking his shoulder - Thenerius startles, a pained groan leaving him before any coherent word. You hide your smirk, knowing now was not the time for an ‘I told you so’ no matter how deserved, simply waiting patiently for Thenerius to stretch his back, four distinct pops his reward.

“Have some coffee, then meet me in the barn,” you say quietly, waiting to leave until Thenerius nods in acknowledgement, with obvious difficulty.

It was freezing outside, the temperature having dropped significantly overnight, but you forgo your new fur coat, not wanting to get blood on it. You get the hardest part of the entire process done first - separating the three male kids from the herd. You let them out of their stable and into the larger barn area, the group going straight to the far door out of habit. Instead of releasing them immediately out to pasture, you picked out and carried each boy one by one into the empty stall next to the rabbits before letting the rest out and shutting the door behind them. The kids weren’t happy, bleating loudly and standing on their hind legs at the stall door to try to see where their mothers had gone, but the rabbits seemed unperturbed by their temporary neighbors as they continued nibbling their hay.

Thenerius trudges slowly in as you’re putting the loudest two month old in the tipping table, bags like bruises under his eyes.

“You’ll be helping me castrate the boys today,” you announce, handing Thenerius a pump bottle of brown liquid, “This is antiseptic. Your job is to spray them with it afterwards.”

Thenerius glances as the cleaned and sharpened knife in your hand and then at the goat on the table, appearing confused, “You mean-?”

You waste no time, not wanting to keep the kid restricted and stressed longer than necessary, rubbing a numbing paste on the area before making the first incision.

Thenerius is pale as he sprays the final goat, all blood drained from his face as you right the table and release him to waddle back to the large stable to join the other two. You wipe your hands the best you can on your skirt before handing Thenerius the bucket with the discarded testes to give to the chickens. He looks shellshocked, no doubt empathizing with the emasculated goats, even if his pain was an entirely different sort.

“I’ll give you the list of daily chores you’ll be needing to do from now on, then you can get started on whatever you didn’t finish on the list yesterday,” you said, not at all reveling in Thenerius’ stricken look, knowing he couldn’t argue with you after you had so specifically warned him about the very pain he was currently experiencing.

Before anything else, you check to make sure the goats had plenty of hay to feed on since they wouldn’t be out grazing for a while. After washing the blood from your hands and knife, you spend the morning fencing off the area on the side of the barn where the rabbits were kept, the temporary housing working out so well you decided to make it permanent rather than make a hutch from scratch. You would simply cut out a door in the side of the barn that could be opened to let them out to graze in the miniature pasture in the spring. You dug out holes for the fence posts, your plan to eventually make a fence of chickenwire high enough none of the rabbits would be able to jump over it.

Once you were done plotting out the fence, you began the tedious process of tilling the soil inside the fenced area, careful to keep the chunks of pure sod undisturbed. In the newly bare patches, you planted the leftover winter pea seeds from the main pasture.

By the time noon came and went, you had largely forgotten about Thenerius, lost in your work and only catching fleeting glimpses of him in your periphery; a colorful phantom standing out amongst the washed out wood and bluestem grass even more so than he did in the homely atmosphere of the tavern. He flitted around the property, first in the chicken coop, then in the pasture and, finally, nowhere.

You don’t realize how much time had elapsed since you last saw hide or hair of him until you took a quick reprieve to get your mother’s tablets ready with a glass of water. It suddenly struck you that you hadn’t seen him pass by the kitchen window at all in the time you’d been standing there, and when you peer out more closely, the only movement you could see was the animals lazily grazing in the pasture. His horse was still grazing with all the rest, so he hadn’t taken off. You try to think of the last time you saw him, but the brief flashes all blended together.

You left the tablets and water on the nightstand next to the bed where your mother rested and went out to milk the goats, mostly filling two pails and then going into the barn - only intending to pasteurize it and having no other motive besides perhaps making sure you didn’t accidentally kill your farmhand on his second day.

Thenerius was standing in the center of what appeared to be a wood scrap pile, staring down incredibly exasperated at his list. You caught a glimpse of a sketch you recognized immediately, having forgotten you’d asked Thenerius to build a rabbit hutch.

Unsure how to say nevermind when he was already working on it - and clearly frustrated with it - you instead walk in with the two pails and interrupt his concentration, “Come help me with this, Thenerius.”

He drops everything to take the pales from you, and you suspect it had less to do with his desire to help you than being able to take a break from building. You let him, grabbing the bottoms of the pails so they wouldn’t jostle as much during the transfer.

“The pasteurizer is over there,” you point, ignoring the giant pile and walking to the small metal contraption. Lifting the lid, you take out the funnel and seven metal bottles from the wire cage inside the main chamber, setting them down on the floor and sticking the funnel into the first bottle. You gestured for Thenerius to pour, moving through each bottle until both pails were emptied.

You place the filled bottles back into their wire slots and pointing at the pails, “Go wash those out and bring back water.”

“But the hutch-” Thenerius trailed off, looking at the unfinished scraps of wood.

“It’s fine, this needs to be done first,” you assure him, motioning for him to go.

Once he leaves, you go to the pile and grab small pieces of wood, sticking them in the chamber underneath the pasteurizer along with some hay. When Thenerius returns, you take the pails and begin filling the main chamber, stopping once the bottles were almost submerged and striking a match to light the hay.

You step back from the soon to be hot metal once you place the lid back on, keeping a close eye on the thermometer.

“You don’t have to make the hutch anymore. I’m just going to keep them in the stall,” you finally admit as you wait.

Despite still working as hard as he did the day before, it was evident that Thenerius was in pain, taking care not to move too much and antsy as he stood behind you.

“You can sit, you know. This is going to take a while.”

“I’m afraid if I sit I won’t be able to get back up,” Thenerius replies, his grim expression unchanging even when you burst into laughter.

“Suit yourself, then. You could always end the day early. Honestly, you’ve done more these past two days than I would be able to do in a month.”

Even your rare praise isn’t able to convince Thenerius, who resolutely denies your offer to rest. Deciding to get dinner started as the sun lowered in the sky, you instruct Thenerius when and how to close the bottom chamber and where the mitts were to take out the wire cage so he could bring the milk to you in the kitchen.

Later that evening, Thenerius all but collapsed into the chair next to you, favoring one leg where one of the goats rammed into his side when he was herding them back into the barn. Earlier, you had considered asking him to also draw the bath, but seeing how ravenously he ate his cold dinner, you were glad you had taken pity on him and done it yourself, your mother already out the bath.

“Go wash up,” you prod his leg with the side of your foot, careful not to hit it too hard.

Groaning, Thenerius painstakingly rose back to his feet and you could have sworn you heard him utter a few curses under his breath as he shed his boots and jacket at the door before trudging to the bathroom.

You enter a few minutes later unannounced, Thenerius immediately splashing down chin-deep into the water in an attempt to hide himself, stammering nonsense at your sudden appearance.

“Calm down, I just brought you some magnesium sulfate and scented oils,” you interrupt sternly, setting your supplies down and sitting on the edge of the tub directly behind Thenerius, who had turned away from you.

You pour a generous amount of the salt into the bath, enough that the water becomes opaque. However, before you add the oil, you hesitate, noticing Thenerius’ back is still streaked with dirt too stubborn to be rinsed away. You tell yourself to just pour in the oil anyways, or even just leaving it there to do himself

“Lean forward,” you find yourself saying instead, grabbing a clean washcloth and dunking it in the water, “You missed your back.”

“You don’t have to-”

“I don’t want to have to clean up dirt after you.” The words come out a bit harsher than you mean them to be, but you succeed in getting Thenerius to comply with your command, his chest submerged under the steaming water and exposing his back.

Scars of all kinds were scattered all over his skin, some paper-thin lines of lavender with the passage of time while others were a deep red wine - old burns and bullet holes. You lathered the bar soap into the washcloth, but your attention kept returning to the raised and puckered skin the width of your forefinger, ten overlapping stripes horizontal across the expanse of his back. The remnants of a particularly brutal lashing.

“You’ve never told me the story behind these,” you murmur, pressing the sudsy cloth against his shoulder blade at the very edge of the topmost scar, the ridge much more pronounced than the others; likely the first. You feel the phantom pain in your back, easily picturing the painful healing process. Thenerius had always bragged to you about his scars, but you never saw these particular ones - never even been shown his back, for that matter.

“I was young when I got them. Stupid,” Thenerius said, the bitterness in his voice melting into a soft sigh as you rubbed small circles around his shoulder blades.

Thenerius thankfully made no comment as you purposefully moved the cloth down his back, at first only to remove the dirt, but soon losing sight of your mission and working out the knots of his muscles, every so often splashing warm water up to rinse it. You loosened the tension in one area before moving on to the next, continuing long after all the dirt was washed away. He could not, however, hide the small sounds that escaped whenever you brushed against a particularly sensitive spot.

Your feel increasingly embarrassed with every hiss and grunt, but you continue on, guiltily enjoying every noise elicited by your hand, seeing just the back of his head leaving you only able to envision how he reacted - eyes screwed shut, lips falling open ever so slightly. Your imagination ran wild when your knuckles brushed against his side and he moaned.

It had been out of pain, the flesh bruised from goat horns, but your face burns and you swallow thickly nonetheless. You quickly finish, stopping right where his back meets the water and quickly turned to wring out the washcloth and drop it in the basin. Unable to meet Thenerius’ eyes just yet, you smell each bottle of oil, using your feigned deliberation as an excuse to keep your back to him.

Finally grabbing the first bottle after smelling each twice. It was citrusy, with the faintest hint of some herb, you think.

“Soak with this for a bit. It’ll help with the soreness,” you clear your throat, handing over the bottle. Thenerius had been falling asleep with your ministrations, but now snapped awake with the cold glass making contact with his palm.

“I shouldn’t- you still need to bathe and the water will be cold,” Thenerius begins to argue, rising from the water the slightest bit without realizing it, but you act quickly, pressing your hands down on his shoulders to keep him submerged.

“If you don’t, you won’t even be able to get up tomorrow,” the gentleness in your voice feels foreign, but it is sincere, “I know a lot about these things. Trust me, it can get a whole lot worse.”

Thenerius immediately relaxed under your touch, leaning his head back onto the rim of the tub and the points of his horns stopping on either side of your head, fortunately his eyes closed so he could not see you staring wide-eyed down at him. It took all your willpower to keep your palms rooted in their spot, your fingers itching to move lower. It would be a simple thing, to just… glide your hands down his chest, over his stomach - resting your chin on his shoulder - and wrapping a fist around his—

You are brought abruptly back into reality when Thenerius’ soft snores reach you, extracting your hands like a burn and quickly pouring the oil into the water. Once the bottle is empty, you quietly abscond.

It’s nearly half an hour before Thenerius finally exits, apologizing profusely. You had been pacing in the living room clutching your night clothes, avoiding every creaky floorboard with well-practiced coordination. As soon as he steps out of your way, you brush past the tiefling and shut the door.

The water is frigid, which you’re glad for, intent on freezing the molten heat that had grown in your core. You don’t know what’s come over you. Dangerous ideas consumed you the entire time you waited, impulses made all the more tempting with the knowledge that Thenerius wanted you; your mind twisted the memory of his confession into words of desire and his innocent noises into pleasured moans.

You scrubbed the dried sweat and grime off of you with just a little too much vigor, your attempt at grounding your beating heart. As soon as you’re finished, you pulled the plug and scrambled out the tub, quickly toweling off and getting dressed.

When you exit, Thenerius is seated on his cot, holding a steaming mug. You had been planning on going straight into the bedroom, but upon hearing the bathroom door open, your mother came from the kitchen, immediately seeing you and holding up a mug for you. Your stomach dropped. You had assumed she’d been asleep as she’d gone into the bedroom immediately after getting out the bath, and now wondered how long she’d actually been awake - if she had noticed the time you spent alone in the bathroom with Thenerius.

Out of habit, you take the mug, the smell of hot cocoa spiked with ale drifting lazily to your nose. You thought she would also drink with you. Instead, she walked straight past you towards the bedroom.

“You’re going to bed already?” Your voice is tight in panic at the thought of being left alone with Thenerius, the source of your temporary madness.

“I’m getting old,” she smiled, misinterpreting your question for concern for her health, her voice lowering to just above a whisper as she brought her lips close to your ear, “and I’m not one to stand in the way of young people’s affairs.”

Your gaze bores into the back of Thenerius’ head. Against your better judgement, you carry your mug to the cot, sitting on the very edge to keep your distance.

Blowing on your drink, you take small sips to avoid burning your tongue. Between the hot drink and the crackling fireplace in front of you, you almost forget your own awkwardness, the coziness only possible with the inhospitable winter outside lulling you into a sense of security.

“I was missing out on a lot with this drink,” Thenerius suddenly broke the silence, mirroring your own careful sips.

You temper your reaction, maintaining a smile you pray conveys a completely normal, neutral interest in the conversation, “You’ve never had hot cocoa before?”

“Never had a need. We usually stick to where it’s warm,” Thenerius said and your smile falters slightly at the implication, sobering slightly from your runaway thoughts.

“Why didn’t you leave with the others?”

The abrupt question hangs in the air between you, the pause stretching without Thenerius reacting to the point you wondered if you didn’t actually ask it.

Just as you are about to ask again, Thenerius spoke, slowly but not uncertainly, as though taking a moment to choose each word, an admission that took you entirely by surprise, “I was going to. After your rejection.”

“Why didn’t you?” You sound almost breathless, never before having considered the possibility that your extreme reaction to his proposal would have actually discouraged him. You have assumed that he had arrived with the goal of winning you over. You tried to think of some other possible motive, but you just drew blanks.

“I told you that your friend at the bar asked me to go to you,” he said, waiting until you nodded in acknowledgement before continuing, “At first, I thought she had seen- us. And I got… angry. I was embarrassed and it seemed like she was simply having fun. Then she told me she was worried about you, but that you refused her and everyone else’s offers help. I tried telling her I was the last person you wanted to see, much less accept help from, but she was persistent. Said you were just prickly around the edges, as it were.”

You grimace - a fair assessment, to be sure, but an unpleasant one to be so finely put a point on - but remain silent, digesting the new perspective. You feel dense, not having once considered Thenerius’ feelings about what had transpired between you. You also feel slightly disappointed that it was not his own passion that drove him to seek you out, though you know you have no right to feel hurt, now more than ever.

You down the rest of your cocoa, unsure if the heat or the ale is what burns down your throat, or your own disappointment. Already you could feel your face warm, the sweetness of the drink having hidden the strength of the alcohol.

“I’m sorry.” You’re unsure of what else to say, afraid to elaborate lest you drudge up every negative feeling over what happened.

He only nods, taking a sip from his drink and keeping his gaze fixed on the fire.

“I’ve always wanted to ask this,” blood was rushing through your ears as the ale settled heavily in your belly, making you just a bit bolder, “Why me? I mean—I know Paloma was leaving and she was the one to introduce us, but you seemed- I thought you were in love with her…”

You try to seem nonchalant as Thenerius chuckles, then deliberates, not sure your ego could take another blow tonight and also as if the question was a completely normal thing to ask platonically during a heart to heart with the man who proposed to you only four days ago. Tova have mercy. Had it really only been that long?

“I didn’t love her,” Thenerius finally put you out of your misery after a long stretch of silence, and you cursed the blooming hope in your chest, “She told me she was quitting. And why—she was in love. What was between us was not… it wasn’t the same. I didn’t know that at the time, I was just selfish, thought of her as mine even though I didn’t consider myself hers.”

You frown slightly, wanting desperately to pay attention to what Thenerius was sharing - obviously a very delicate and sensitive subject - but you can’t help the illogical wave of jealousy rising within you. He hadn’t known you then, only seeing for a few weeks out of the year after that. You shouldn’t have finished off your drink, too all over the place and unable to get a handle on your own emotions.

“I didn’t understand her then,” Thenerius continued, oblivious to your inner turmoil, “How she described the love she felt - to do things for someone else’s sake, rather than one’s own. And to forsake everything, be unwilling to trade anything for that love.”

It was evident Thenerius was no longer talking about Paloma, but of his own feelings for you. However, he had yet to answer your question and you’re unsure if you trust yourself to elaborate, opting instead to repeat it.

“So why me?”

“I’m not sure,” Thenerius admits sheepishly, “I began talking to you. It was the longest I ever talked to anyone that wasn’t on my crew—and about something that wasn’t about anything in particular. And I saw you interacting with others - the tavern owner, the other workers - when you thought no one was paying attention. You seemed so… carefree. Or just free. You didn’t have to worry about making it to the next port, or if you’d be paid. And when we moved on, I couldn’t think of anyone else, be with anyone else.”

You glance over at Thenerius, feeling incredibly warm, like the heat was rolling off your cheeks in waves. The alcohol had given you a buzz - not enough to be entirely gone, but enough to give you the excuse to throw caution to the wind as you observed Thenerius unabashedly.

His downturned eyes made his eyelashes brush against his cheeks, the strong slope of his nose casting an uneven shadow across his face where it veered slightly from an old break. But your eyes were most drawn to his lips - plump, slightly chapped after the hot shower and the corners tugged down into a frown that you wanted desperately to alleviate.

“What about now?” Your voice doesn’t sound like your own, and Thenerius seems just as surprised by your question as you do. He doesn’t, however, seem to grasp your implication, if his self-deprecating snort was anything to go by, his next words making your momentarily-fragile heart break for him.

“I completely misunderstood your intentions. I told myself I saw no difference in how you interacted with me and your true friends. And I’m all the more the fool, because I know these things but it has done nothing to curb my useless pining.”

Your countless worries and responsibilities seemed to melt away in that moment, your rational mind telling you a thousand and one reasons not to do what you were about to do holding no power over you. You live in a place where it gets cold, you cannot go with him. But all you could see was Thenerius in front of you, present - a concept you could never before focus on. It was always thinking of the future; what needed to be done, paid for, taken or given.

In the present, you reach out your hand to Thenerius’ cheek furthest from you, turning his gaze from the fire to you. You lean forward, slotting your lips against his softly, but without hesitation.

part 5

[shiversdownyerspine]

9. Closer

Just gonna sliiiiide this over here.

You are finishing up the last of the scramble on your plate, fighting off the lingering fuzzy embrace of sleep with the help of your coffee. So the suspense wouldn't kill you, you had asked Axel if their coming questions had to do with your ability. After all, the three hadn't asked all that much about it.

Axel confirms, and you ruminate over the approaching task, how best to handle it...but are distracted when Oscar and Otto return.

The younger brothers look scratched up and dirtied, but overall in good condition. Although it was kind of difficult to tell who looked worse...maybe Otto. Poor man was still in his long johns. 

Grinning, you tease, "You two alright? Both of you look like you dove headfirst into the blackberry brambles."

Axel snorts. You're not far from the truth.

He subtly signals the two with a pointed dip of his head in warning; their feet are filthy and they are about to track a mess into your kitchen. Sheepish, the younger brothers share a look and head back outside, probably to make good use of your garden hose. 

Not wanting to put it off any longer, you ask for a change in scenery for this interrogation once you are dressed. In the garden, specifically. Axel regards you curiously, but agrees to your request.

You wander over to the sink to rinse your dishes when he taunts, "Thinking of running? We will catch you. No contest."

You blink, "No no, no running. I'm just...eager? To get started? Or maybe to get finished..."

Throwing a look over your shoulder, you return the taunt, "But if I did run, and I made it into the forest? I think I could surprise you."

Indeed, you are a good deal faster and more reactive while in your Phase. At least when you're prepared. It certainly helps having nearly all of your senses improved, but playing hide and seek with three trained assassins? It would be difficult to say the least...but in your forest and lake? Your second home? 

You would have an advantage, even being technically untrained. Perhaps you could give them a run for their money...at least for a little while longer than if you had tried in the tight spaces of your cottage.

Speculation and theorizing is cut short when the lone man in your kitchen says quite matter-of-factly, "Otto caught you."

Pride ruffled, you can't help but bristle, "Okay. That? Was a series of unfortunate events. And in my defense? I didn't have anything to run from, nothing was threatening me. It was just a spider bite."

The eldest doesn't reply, just quirks an amused eyebrow at the memory of you, perturbed and fluffed, wrapped up in his puzzled brother's arms. It was...an interesting day, no doubt.

You fiddle with your wet plate, frowning.

"I was distracted with my lack of gloves, that I had let something so simple slip my notice. Dug my own grave in a matter of seconds. Then I heard the door, and there was Otto and...I froze. He lunged and I couldn't move."

Axel contemplates for a moment, "You wanted to run. Not attack."

He says as a statement what should have been a question, never one to be all that subtle with his demands. You feel your stomach drop a little; given the pieces of your revealed history, maybe he was now beginning to reconsider the threat you could have posed to Otto. To all of them.

Acknowledging his concern was easy, but explaining yourself was going to be a bit complicated.  

"I..I think I have an answer for that? But it's something I'd like to address with all of you. I'm going to get dressed first, I've been in pajamas for far too long."

You know he could simply repeat what you said to his siblings, but it was the principle of the thing. That and you really wanted to take a quick moment to yourself before this all goes down. He doesn't stop you.

Toweling your hands dry, you head for the couch to gather up your sleeping kittens and make your way to your bedroom. Axel returns his attention to his brothers who were currently fussing over the hose; Oscar was currently trying to convince Otto to look inside and see what was blocking the water, all the while he held a section kinked in his hand, waiting for the right moment.

The eldest sibling shakes his head.

Butternut and Pumpkin are curled at opposite ends of your bed; one buried in the pillows at the headboard, the other stretched out dramatically at the end. Both chirp a greeting as you open your door and step inside.

Thing 1 and 2 in hand, you deposit the wiggly babies into their 'room'. The two look at you with what you can imagine is disapproval, breaking your heart as they toddle towards the bathroom door with noisy complaint.

"Don't worry, you'll be let out again soon."

Their litter box training had been going swimmingly. Maybe it was about time to expand their territory? You think it'd go rather well, you'd just have to keep an eye out. Make sure they don't try to leave any little surprises for you and develop a nasty habit from it.

You swear their incessant meowing is growing louder. You sigh, shaking your head.

"The book was spot on when it called this breed talkative."

Taking advantage of the lingering warmth of your sleep with Otto, you decide upon a floral tunic dress with leggings instead of your usual chunky sweater and jeans. It's rare that you can wear a lighter ensemble like this, you'll have to find some way to thank Otto.

He does seem to really enjoy your baking, so maybe something in that vein.

As you dress you find your thoughts sombering as the previous conversation slowly ties you into a knot. You try to reassure yourself and soothe your nerves; you wouldn't have lashed out for no reason, wouldn't have killed them in cold blood. You have control. Besides, you're not a violent person. Surely they know that?

That fateful morning, if Otto had reacted with violence towards you, you would have defended yourself to the best of your ability and removed yourself from the situation once the opportunity presented itself. There had to have been a way around him, around his brothers, right? 

If Axel had decided you were too much of an unknown threat and had shot, you would have feigned death until you could slip outside and decide on the next step. You're fairly confident you could play dead and pretend well enough, despite the pain. The blue-clad man wouldn't have just emptied his entire clip into you, right? 

If you were being realistic, you were only considering the best case scenarios for you and the brothers if things had played out a bit...differently. Because if you thought too long about the worst outcome, your heart would squeeze unbearably tight in your chest and your eyes would water uncontrollably. 

You didn't want to think about what you would have done if the three had subjected you to too much injury and triggered your second Phase.

There was no denying it, you were incredibly fond of the three.

Maybe even a bit...smitten? 

At the errant thought you slap your burning cheeks with your palms, fighting against the helpless fluttering sensation of the heated butterflies in your stomach. Not the time. 

...Wait, does that mean there will be a time?

Focus.

Focus, focus, focus.

With a steadying breath, you head back out into the kitchen. There's something you need to grab first.

"One last thing..."

Axel watches curiously as you pop open a kitchen drawer and rummage around its contents for an item you have stashed away.

"Here we go."

You find what you are looking for wrapped in a familiar kitchen towel; an old paring knife, kept clean and disinfected. You unwrap it a bit, just to check on the condition of the blade as the light glints off the metal.

A minor laceration from this would be just what you needed to keep you in your Phase long enough to hopefully answer all their questions.

You weren't sure you could count primarily on verbally explaining all the aspects of your ability. Some things you had nothing to compare with, not to mention how tongue-tied you were before. You're not all that confident when talking about your ability, as discussing it is still incredibly new to you. Demonstration could be a good approach, all things considered.

As you turn from the counter, a rough hand grips your wrist and pulls your arm up, leaving you to sway unsteadily nearly on tip toe. In your personal space, you can feel the warmth of him without needing to touch. It feels like if you could steal a speck of body heat from one of these men, you'd never feel the cold again.

Axel stares you down, lips pulled into a tight scowl, frowning with familiar furrowed brow.

Oh. 

Probably not a good idea to bring out a knife without context, especially around an assassin. Maybe next time explain first.

"...Sooo...um. I can't...will my ability to activate. I-it's a defense mechanism, remember? It needs something to trigger it."

His face is worryingly expressionless as he looks to the knife in your hand. With deft fingers, he plucks the tool from your grasp, leaving you with the empty towel as he slips it into his pocket without a word.

Did he seriously just...

"...Really?"

The audacity.

Radiating cool smugness, Axel strolls to the screen door and looks pointedly at you. Waiting.

You don't budge.

Turning your attention to your knife block set, you hum, "You know I could just grab one of these, right?"

You assess the assortment, paying less attention to the man now stalking back to you.

"Although I'd much rather these be used for cooking, but what choice do I have? Apparently you have your heart set on being a mother hen-"

Your tirade is cut short as Axel's hands grip your waist to turn you to face him. He bends, curls an arm around your legs, and hoists you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Dumbfounded and indignant, your lips part for some sort of reprimand to leave your tongue. But you stumble over the words.

With an arm across the backs of your thighs to lock your legs in place and keep you steady, he walks completely unburdened once more to the screen door. You brace your hands on his back, feeling muscle shift underneath the material of his white Henley with each step. Well, needless to say, you can't really think of a retort at the moment. Hopefully your dress isn't riding up too much.

You can't help but wonder; is it just your imagination, or are the brothers getting a bit more...grabby with you? But more importantly, you cannot let this man have the last 'word'.

Fighting down the butterflies that have returned with a vengeance, you grumble, "Don't complain if I can't give you all some clear answers without my knife."

The large palm loosely holding your thigh gives a squeeze, followed by Axel throwing a comment over his shoulder to you, "We'll see."

Well now. Axel is honest to god mother-henning you. This was...unexpected? Infuriating? Kind of sweet?

...Oh yes. They're most definitely getting more grabby with you.

[painted-crow]

Secondary Toast Revolving Door, Part 1

I guess I should start with a little about me, since that’s easier than making you pick through previous asks for information and some of you guys are new here. This one’s going to be heavily personal, so you can skip it if you want.

I’m a double Bird. My Bird primary system is heavily Badger influenced, and I also use Lion to support it by telling me when I should investigate something more closely. If we can dip into primary territory for a moment, I guess you can say I understand the world through systems that model things around me. But not all of those systems are things I’ve consciously examined, or fully investigated.

My understanding of how historical people dressed is pretty limited, for example, because I haven’t studied it in depth to get all the information—but I consciously understand what I do know about it. You could say this system piece is tiny but clear; I could expand it if I chose to find out more.

My understanding of how someone I’m not close to thinks might have more data to work with, but I haven’t consciously processed it; that’s the kind of thing where my Lion primary model will tell me to look closer if that person starts acting weird. This system piece might be described as huge but fuzzy; I could clarify it if I sat down and thought about it. I probably have more of these than I realize, but Lion basically takes care of monitoring those. I don’t have to investigate everything.

But some of my systems are both large and fairly clear, because I’ve taken the time both to gather data on them and to examine it. My understanding of myself is… well, I won’t say it’s terribly clear, because I’m in my early twenties and I’m still constantly getting new information, plus someone keeps changing the environment and mucking with my data (that would be me). But I have to examine it, because my brain is like a notoriously buggy piece of software and I’m the poor schmuck saddled with tech support duties.

Basically, the reason I’m good at playing therapist with other people is that I’m constantly doing exactly that thing with myself. (This probably makes me a very annoying patient for actual therapists.)

About that buggy brain, then.

I have major depression. That was professionally diagnosed when I was a teenager and it’s probably genetic. I take medication for it, when I remember to. It especially flares up in the winter or when I’m under stress. I probably have some kind of anxiety disorder too.

I’m almost certainly autistic, which I’ve never brought up with a professional—the first person to figure it out was the system I’m now best friends with, because they’re autistic and they knew I was within two weeks of talking to me. It took me two years to catch up with them and figure it out myself.

In my defense, I thought executive dysfunction, sensory overwhelm, dissociation, and hyperempathy were like… secret menu items for depression, because those only really bug me during depressive episodes. My current theory is that they’re related to autistic burnout instead.

I mask a lot, subconsciously—it’s actually really hard to turn that off normally—and I just can’t do that as much when depressed. If I do, my tolerance for everything else goes way down and I’ll go into overwhelm and start having shutdowns and dissociating. I recover pretty quickly (hours, not days), but if you’ve never spent 15 minutes standing in a Walmart aisle trying to decide whether you want a jar of peanut butter, but you can’t make decisions because you can’t access your emotions and you don’t really feel like you’re “here” but you kind of just want to go home… well, be glad I guess.

Of course, I have other autistic traits that show up when I’m not under stress, but they’re seldom associated with autism because most people don’t know what autis are like when we’re actually happy. Like, hyperlexia? That’s not even an “official” word, the auti community just uses it because “official” literature hasn’t caught up. I taught myself to read at age three (according to my mom; she says I was reading news headlines and stuff, not just books I’d memorized) and wrote a 35k word novella when I was ten, with no external prompting. My audio processing used to be terrible, but I routinely tested at college age reading levels as a kid.

I also might have ADHD? If so, it’s also mostly just noticeable if I’m under stress, and then it’s hard to tell if that’s the issue or if it’s just autism/depression again.

You might be getting a clearer picture of how my secondary and its model end up burnt so often!

(Resisting a very strong urge to cut stuff from this post.)

In short, I was a Gifted Kid. I spent a lot of my teen years biting off more than I could chew, honestly. I felt that I should be able to do more, and I wanted to be taken seriously, but I had basically no idea how to take care of myself because my needs are different from everyone else’s. I’m still figuring those out.

I’m kind of like an orchid plant: incredibly picky about conditions, wants a different “soil” and watering schedule, gets stressed if stuff changes too quickly, but when everything is just right and it does bloom, it goes all out.

I’m not kidding when I say that I have odd needs. One of them is the need for creative work, which seems to be hardwired into me. When I say that art or writing keeps me sane, I often hear back “oh yeah! I’ve heard that can be very therapeutic,” which is an innocuous reply, but it’s always bugged me, and I think I’ve figured out why.

First, because that’s not the reason I make things… I just… have to. Second, I can’t “make up” not doing creative work with some other kind of therapy. Third and most importantly, I’d much rather think of “artist” as my ground state, and depression as a condition that happens when my needs aren’t being met, rather than thinking of depression as the default that I’m just using art to escape from. That seems to me a healthier way of thinking, and probably a more accurate one, but I’m probably the only one who can see that distinction.

If life gets in the way and I can’t make space for creative work, it will actively make my depression worse. I know this because, multiple times, I’ve been unable to pinpoint why I’m feeling shitty, and then I go back to my easel or my writing or (ukulele, cooking, even just taking care of houseplants) and realize I haven’t done anything creative in like a month and thaaaat’s the problem.

I crack open a bottle of gesso to prep some canvases and it smells like… well, I don’t think you can get high off gesso? But it’s not like when you’re out of it on painkillers or cold medicine or whatever. It’s incredibly grounding, like the world snaps back into focus but it’s also oddly euphoric. Or I write ten thousand words in a couple days and it just… I don’t know what that does. I’ve never run across a word for it.

The writer of Smile at Strangers (a really good memoir centered around women, anxiety, and karate) describes a similar feeling in relation to her martial arts practice.

It’s also a bit like when all the snow melts after winter and you step outside and there’s the smell of wet soil under sunlight and I’m not sure if this fully translates for people who don’t have seasonal depression. Sorry.

Dammit, I want to paint… I haven’t had space to set up for like eight months. I’ve been nose-deep in writing projects since last summer for a reason, but right now my friggin Ravenclaw secondary is off angsting about something because of Life Stress Bullshit, and I don’t have the focus to work on any of my writing projects. Apart from this one. But it’s not really what I want in terms of creative work.

*velociraptor screech*

Oh, yeah. I guess I could mention this is why my nickname is Paint. Not sure if that was obvious before. The header image (which is more visible in the app for some reason) is one of my paintings. It’s a tiny one and it’s not one of my favorites, but I had the photo on my phone and the colors work well enough for what I needed.

(restrains self from negging my own painting ability)

This is starting to get into spoiler territory for what burned Ravenclaw secondary looks like, huh? It’s peaced out for a couple weeks at this point. I’m trying to write about what made it take off, but my ability to think of words and form a coherent sentence kinda flew out the window when I approached it directly.

Let’s just say that around the start of the month, someone I was talking to online (if you’re reading this, it’s definitely not you) kindaaaa hit a nasty depression trigger of mine. Not their fault—it’s very specific to me, and I struggle to explain why I can’t really talk about it. Basically, I spent years studying programming and web design, and due to several different but related issues during that experience, it’s now a trigger for me. I very much want it not to be, but trying to train that out of myself has induced more than one panic attack and I’m stuck between giving up on it or figuring out a way to go back to it that doesn’t totally shut my brain down.

That paragraph took forever to write, by the way.

I think I have to end this here. I… am going to go take out the trash, and water my plants, and make my bed, and file some paperwork, and maybe I’ll even mix up some bread dough or do some laundry. Spoiler alert for what it looks like when my Hufflepuff model takes over, I guess.

Oh. And I should maybe probably eat something. I almost forgot about that... again.

[worm-man-gaming]

My top 10 list for who I WANT as DLC in Smash

We’re reaching the end of an era. Smash Ultimate’s DLC is going to end eventually, with four more characters to be announced. They could release some kind of ‘Echo Pack’ in the future, which I would be hyped about (They didn’t really do much with the echo fighter mechanic), But I have a feeling that after this, there won’t be any more. So I wanted to post my list of who I, specifically, would like to see in the game.

This is not based off of likelihood, as some of these characters probably don’t even have a chance of making it in. I just think they would be neat.

Full list under the cut, counting up from #10

- Papyrus (UNDERTALE)

Okay, so hear me out.

We got the Sans mii skin, and that was by far one of the most popular mii skins since Geno, probably. People were more excited for the Sans mii skin than Terry Bogard and maybe even Banjo. They probably made a lot more money than expected from it. So why not try it again? 

And while Sans is the popular character, he definitely is not a fighter. He’s a lazy, laid back character that just wants to have fun, but he’s far too weak to go into an all-out battle without risking his own safety. 

HOWEVER!

Sans’s brother, Papyrus, is the polar opposite. He’s dedicated, hardworking, and can take quite a few hits. He’s got plenty of moveset opportunity. And it would be another indie rep, which is really really good for someone like me, who wants to go into game design. 

Another thing: When we got the Cuphead mii skin, we also got Cuphead Spirits. They could have easily done that with Undertale, there’s enough characters. So maybe they’re saving it for a DLC Spirit board? I don’t know, just a theory.

He would be primarily a ground-based fighter, with projectiles that could crawl across the stage like that one sparky item. He could also use his blue attack, which could be good for an easy spike on airborne characters. And, who knows, maybe for his final smash we could finally see his special attack.

I really enjoy Undertale, and seeing Sans as a mii skin made me super happy. Getting a whole fighter from the series would be even cooler. 

- Paper Mario (Super Paper Mario)

Nintendo, we’ve got three whole Links in this game, but only two Marios? Preposterous!

With that being said, Super Paper Mario was one of my favorite Wii games (Although I didn’t play it until very recently) And it’s a very popular series. He’s essentially his own character separate from Mario at this point. The games have so much lore put into them, and we already have a Paper Mario Stage in the game, so maybe we could get Dimentio’s dimension, or the Origami Palace or something.

He’s been in enough games and done enough crazy things to earn a pretty diverse kit for himself. He could use Pixils, the 1000-Fold arms, or even summon Paper Bowser, Peach and Luigi for some attacks. 

I think he would be super fun to play. I’m terrible at vanilla Mario, but I think Paper Mario would be a good fit for the game AND be a super good-feeling character. However, this comes from a G&W main, so take from that what you will.

- King Boo (Luigi’s Mansion)

I 👏 want 👏 more 👏 villains 👏 in 👏 Smash! 👏 

King Boo is a staple of the Luigi’s Mansion series as well as being an enemy for Mario in some games like Sunshine. He’s the Big Bad Evil Guy for Luigi. 

And I DEFINITELY want him in this game. 

It’s not so much the character himself, although King Boo is really good, I want him in for his kit. Think about it. A large character but with floaty jumps like Jigglypuff and an aerial based moveset AND a teleport? He’d be ruthless. And really fun. And that’s what I’m looking for in a character.

- BOTW Zelda (Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity)

Yes, I know. “But Worm, the Zelda we have now is annoying and awful, and you say you want ANOTHER one?!?!?” Well, you’re half right.

Yes, Zelda is known for her darkness-sealing powers in BOTW, BUT, in the recent Age of Calamity game, her moveset for almost have the game revolves around the Sheikah Slate. She uses it creatively, hopping around on ice and whirling metal slabs around with a magnet. And I think that would be a SUPER cool moveset for Smash Bros. 

And who knows, maybe they would call back to older games and allow her to switch to using her powers, like Zelda used to change into Sheik. 

She would be very technical, with her attacks being powerful but with some startup, almost similar to Snake of all characters. And for her final smash she could use a Weak Point Smash or they could bring back Bow of Light (Which was MUCH more fair than the current one, by the way). She’d be fun, and that’s what I want.

- Maxwell (Scribblenauts)

Maxwell is from Scribblenauts, a game where you have to solve puzzles by writing words in a notebook and those words coming to life. So he’s work in the same way in Smash, although much more randomized. 

For his neutral special, maybe he could write a random item and it shows up in his hand. That would be funny AND cool, and it’s possible (because Peach does the same thing with Turnips!). He could use projectiles but also have plenty of close range options, and for a Final Smash he could use the Meteor, which in the game clears the screen of living things. Brutal! He also uses Adjectives on both his creations AND himself, so maybe for some moves he could effect the other opponent with a poison or freeze effect.

Would he be banned in competitive play? Yes. Would he still be fun? Definitely!

- Jibanyan (Yo-Kai Watch)

I may be in the minority here, but I REALLY liked Yo-Kai Watch as a game. It may seem like a cheap Pokemon ripoff, but the gameplay is nothing like it at all. You’re given a map to explore and various objectives within the map, and the battle system is really creative and fun. It’s actually the inspiration for some of my own games. Yo-Kai watch deserved more credit than it got.

Jibanyan is the poster boy for the series (and also has the saddest backstory of any cat-based character ever), and mainly attacks with both his paws and fire attacks. He could have fire-based moves and would almost play similar to Pichu. His final smash could be Paws of Fury, his soultimate move, that would hit like Donkey Kong’s final smash as a flurry of blows. 

This series is really well made and thought out, and it deserves more than it got. So please put my boy in Smash, I’m begging you.

- Specter Knight (Shovel Knight: Specter of Torment)

Okay, yes. I know Shovel Knight is the main character of this series. But again, hear me out.

Specter Knight is either the first or second boss you encounter in the main Shovel Knight game, and he’s already got some moveset potential from that alone. However, he also had his own story mode, Specter of Torment, ad let me say, that is a phenomenal game. I’d go so far as to say it’s better than the main Shovel Knight game itself. His controls are quick and easy to pick up. And he has a whole bunch of special abilities you can get as the game progresses, such as a boomerang or even a shadow clone. 

His smash moveset would pull most of the specials from the unlockable items he can get, leaving room for an incredible spacing game as well as a good aerial defense, as Specter Knight can both float and do a Dash Slash through enemies for some extra air time. 

Shovel Knight is the main character, but Specter Knight obviously has the most soul put into him (Pun not intended). And, again, he’d be fun to control. 

- Master Hand / Fighter Hand (Super Smash Bros. Series)

This is mostly me just being mad at the game for giving us a playable Master Hand, but only once. We couldn’t have even gotten a Master Mode in extras, huh? 

Yes, yes, I know Master Hand is the staple boss character for Smash Bros. He’s been in every game, for crying out loud! I’m honestly surprised it took them this long to give us a playable Master Hand. But this leads into my idea:

A new hand, made specifically to fight in Smash Bros, called Fighter Hand.

Yes, it’s cheesy. Yes, it’s stupid. But hey, it would be fun.

He would have scaled-down versions of Master Hand’s moves, with mainly projectile-based specials and tilts. He would be floaty, although introducing a flying character would be interesting to see how they balance it. For a final smash, maybe they could bring back Master Core from Smash 4 for a Giga Bowser-esque punch.

- The Knight (Hollow Knight)

Hollow Knight is an Indie Game that I never finished (I’m working on it, okay?) that’s kind of like Metroid in the way it’s played. It's also a very popular game, and I like bugs, so they get the number two spot because I like him.

And the special Soul moves you unlock translate well into Specials. Platformers always translate well into Smash, so he would work very well in the game. I don’t know what their moveset would be (as I haven’t finished the game yet), but I know they would be a small, fast character that mainly uses their nail to attack like a sword.

And my most wanted character in Super Smash Brothers: Ultimate is...

- Beatrix LeBeau (Slime Rancher)

Okay, look. I’m aware this has zero chance of happening. Slime Rancher was never the most popular game, and Nintendo has never mentioned it ever. But it’s one of my favorite games, and I just think Beatrix would be an incredible character in Smash Bros. 

She would use her jetpack to recover, she would shoot plorts as projectiles, use he vacpac to suck up both fighters and projectiles, and maybe shoot a boom slime as an explosive and unpredictable bouncing hazard. Her smash attacks and aerials would use the various slimes you can vacuum up and feed in the game, like the Rad Slime and Rock Slimes. She would be really good offstage and onstage with her weakness being her speed. 

She could bring a LOT to this series, and it would be another inspirational indie rep. And, hey, Minecraft Steve got in. Who knows at this point.

Anyway, there’s my list. Feel free to argue with me or explain why Geno should be on my list (I will not care) in the comments or reblogs, this list is not changing unless I play some new game that I feel should be represented. 

[aspidities]

I have a ball python that refuses to eat dead prey. I've tried frozen, thawed, someone even recommended I boil it, nothing has worked. A few feedings ago the mouse was able to hurt her, a big bite into her neck that bled. Now I'm worried next time might actually be life-threatening and I still can't get her to eat dead prey.

Lots of things wrong here. You should never ‘boil’ thawed prey, ew wtf, I don’t recommend that at all. I leave the frozen prey out in a bucket for about an hour at room temp and then warm it up with hot NOT boiling water before offering it.

But prey preparation is the least of the issue here. I’d like to gently remind you of the points I made in the corn snake post, just a day or so ago:

1) if a snake’s species-specific desired temperature ranges for hot and cold are not correct or correctly regulated, it will not eat

2) snakes can go months and even years without eating so it is not a concern that requires forcing them or trying to make them eat a live prey item

You have a ball python. They’re notorious for not eating for long periods because they’re a species that lives in termite mounds in Africa and rarely encounters prey. They’re made to not eat, in fact—look at the fat reserves on the body. If it’s a male, this is actually incredibly common during winter, as well, as males do not eat while in breeding season. So it’s fine! Don’t force your animal into a dangerous confrontation with a fully armed and toothed rodent because you have a human perception of when is healthy to eat!

Instead, check your environment. Ball pythons need a warm spot of around 90-95f, with a cool zone in the 73-75f range, and should ideally be housed in a cage around 3-4’ or more, with lots of hiding opportunities. They should have a heating device regulated by a thermostat, and you should be checking those temps daily when you go to clean the cage or check the water dish. Offer a humid hide as well, and be sure the humidity is reading 60-80% inside. Again, this is a fossorial (burrowing) species that lives inside of a giant mound of dirt in the wild, so don’t make the cage too barren or they will be stressed. Give them lots of hiding opportunities and areas to feel secure—fake plants, branches, etc.

If all of those options are met, and you’re double sure your temps are right, then just wait it out. The snake will eat when it’s ready to eat. Get a bag of appropriately sized (ball pythons should be eating rats, not mice, and the correct size of prey is determined by the size of the snake, check out MJ Python’s sizing guide on youtube) frozen rats and thaw one once a month using the method I described above to offer it. DO NOT BOIL IT. If the snake won’t eat, okay fine, you can re-freeze the rat one more time to try again next month, or if not, throw it away. Just keep those temps correct and the snake will eat in time. Like I mentioned before, this is a species that is known for this behavior and a quick google search of ‘my ball python isn’t eating’ will reaffirm that right quick.

I would also recommend doing some general care research while you’re at it, since getting a better idea of what your snake needs will help you to avoid trying all kinds of crazy shit in the future. Your snake is probably fine but stop trying to force it to eat live prey! It’s exceedingly dangerous and one day could end in your snake’s death—believe it or not, a scared, sharp-toothed little mammal can skeletonize a snake if the snake just resorts to its defense of curling into a ball. You’ve seen and been told by your snake that this is not the way. Get the habitat correct, and then try again, with a more well-researched approach this time. Good luck!

[americangodstalk]

The mystery of the seven Chinese deities

So... if you know me, you know I obsessively search for the real-life references in the Old Gods of American Gods (the novel).

Before the battle at Rock City, there is the mention of seven Chinese entities belonging to the Old Gods

A Toyota Previa pulled over by the side of the road, and seven Chinese men and women got out of it. They looked, above all, clean, and they wore the kind of dark suits that, in some countries, are worn by minor government officials. One of them carried a clipboard, and he checked the inventory as they unloaded large golf bags from the back of the car: the bags contained ornate swords with lacquer handles, and carved sticks, and mirrors. The weapons were distributed, checked off, signed for.

Now, the reference to them being “minor government officials” clearly indicates that they have some sort of divine status - indeed, the gods of China were thought of as a gigantic supernatural bureaucracy. “God” or “goddess” was basically a job to hold, hence why often people use the term “immortal” rather than god when the entity is rather someone who obtained eternal life without obtaining a true bureaucratic title. Anyway.

The exact identity of this group left me puzzled for a very long time... and it still does. The fact Neil Gaiman takes the effort to write the number “seven” must have some meaning. Except if of course, theory 1 is correct, and theory 1 is...

1) I am thinking too much about this. He just randomly put together a group of random Chinese deities, and chose seven cause he liked the number.

Which could work... Except for the fact they are only one of the two groups of Old Gods whose number is mentionned. The other are “four Mexicans”, and guess what? The number four has a mythological meaning for the Aztec gods - the four Quetzalcoatls. So I am pretty sure seven is a clear reference here.

Now...unfortunately my knowledge of the Chinese mythology (which has an incredible number of gods and figures since religions and traditions are numerous and ancient) is quite limited. So far I could only gather some little theories here and there:

2) The Seven Lucky Gods. When you type “seven China gods” in Google this is the first name that will pop up. Except that the seven lucky gods are a Japanese group of entities, which should invalidate the claim... though, for its defense, most of the lucky gods are foreign exports. Only one (Ebisu) is native to Japan. Of the six others, three come from Chinese Taoism, and the three remaining, while also coming from China, have roots back into India’s Hinduism.  Though it would be really a stretch for something that is a little off-hand reference, so I doubt it is truly it. 

3) The Eight Immortals, or Ba Xian. They are very famous Chinese figures in folklore and popular culture, and as their name says, are immortals. They also fit the idea of male and female entities forming together one group. However, you can see the big flaw here - there are eight of them. Here it is seven. Some may say Neil Gaiman made a mistake. Possibly. But we should also consider that the Eight Immortals have specific items associated with them - and the items brought by these seven gods are not particularly associated with them.

3) The Seven Immortals. I had to dig a bit around to find this, which is not as well known as the other options. The term “Seven Immortals” can be used to refer to the seven disciples of Wang Chongyang, the Taoist founder of the Quanzhen school. They had one woman among their ranks, true. But only one - and here Gaiman refers “women” in plural. Again, one might think of a mistake on the part of the author, who might have thought there were more women. Or maybe I missed the fact that there was a second woman among the seven.

After that, I honestly run dry. There is a reference to the “Seven Stars” of the Big Dipper constellation, but in mythological facts, Chinese people considered that they were only the seven visible stars of the constellation - alongside two naked ones, they formed indeed minor deities, the Nine Kings son of Doumu, but again, they were all men and nine. Too much.

... 

So yeah, currently I am at lost here. Neil Gaiman clearly wanted to signify something here, since we have visibly seven minor gods. However my poor knowledge of the Chinese pantheon limits me. If any of you has any kind of knowledge about Chinese culture, religion, mythology, or of who those seven might be, please don’t hesitate to manifest yourself. 

[blazehedgehog]

What do you think about Epic's Fortnite war with Apple and Google?

For those who aren’t aware: the other night, Epic launched a new system to pay them directly for Fortnite currency. Normally, what happens is that for every transaction that goes through a digital storefront, a percentage of that goes back to the people who own and operate the storefront. By paying Epic directly, you sidestep that percentage entirely, and to celebrate this, Epic lowered the price of Fortnite’s digital currency, vbucks. Whereas it used to be roughly $10 = 1000 vbucks, it was dropped to $8. This made Apple (and later Google) angry, because they are no longer getting their cut. In response, they removed Fortnite from the iOS and Android app stores, which in turn caused Epic to file a lawsuit with them over unfair practices.

It’s a very complicated situation.

I don’t think it’s controversial to say Apple sucks. They make products that exist more as a status symbol than anything else, and they frequently do incredibly stupid things to their hardware just for the sake of maintaining a sense of “artistic merit.” That’s not to say Apple products are unusable or poorly made, but they are for a very specific type of person, most of which have lots of money to afford them and are very concerned how they project their social class.

So I’d love for someone to take Apple down a peg or two. They deserve it. Google isn’t exactly innocent, either. Consider that Google used to have a message on their company page about how they will “do no evil” with their technology and power which they eventually removed because... well, y’know. They could probably also stand a bit of humbling.

At the same time, the way Epic is going about this grosses me out. They are clearly spinning this in favor of making themselves look like the innocent little guys, and they are shoring up their defenses by doing everything they can to get the consumers on their side.

Obviously, the first is lowering the price of Fortnite currency. That’s already going to engender themselves a lot of favor in their user base, but it didn’t stop there. Anyone who bought anything in Fortnite in the last few weeks -- be it currency or even real-money items -- got an extra bonus 1000 vbucks in their account today. On top of that, Epic gave away a cosmetic in Fortnite for free, and finally added a long requested skin from Save the World to Battle Royale. On top of more than a year of Epic giving away free games every month.

Where this feels incredibly calculated is that Epic also already had a whole CGI trailer ready to strike back at Apple.

All of this -- the price drop, the kickbacks for recent purchases, the free cosmetic, the video -- all of it was a tactical maneuver by Epic. Nothing about this is innocent or a happy accident.

Months likely went in to preparing for this. It's a bid for power. Not from a small indie company, but from Epic Games, a gigantic corporation that's been around since 1991. They made Unreal, Gears of War, they licensed engine technology to hundreds of developers, they've even sold tech to Disney that's been used in stuff like The Mandalorian. They own 20 international subcompanies and have over 1000 employees. They are big and wealthy, and they want more.

Epic wants you to be able to say, “They gave me all this free stuff, they’re on my side!” But are they? Or are they just on the side where they get more of your money? This is the same game they’re playing with Valve -- Epic’s deal is that they think Valve’s 30% cut for selling software on Steam is unfair. They’ve been loud about this. I’d have to look it up to be sure, but I believe Epic’s cut for their game store (EGS) is 17%.

It’s their way of putting the screws on Valve. Tim Sweeny is out there saying they’d release Fortnite on Steam if Valve would only lower their cut to 17%, but he’s saying that in full knowledge that will probably never happen. Corporations do not make these numbers up arbitrarily. Valve likely has operating costs that depend on that 30% from Steam. Tim Sweeny knows this. He’s a billionaire that runs a very large, very successful company.

When he’s out there publicly challenging Valve to lower their cut, he’s actually telling developers to come to EGS because their rates are better, because that will give Epic a more powerful marketplace. Epic is burning tons and tons and tons of money giving things away for free because they want to rattle some cages, drag these guys down to their level, and beat them at their own game. Spend big now to entrench themselves in the long run. It's what Microsoft did with the Xbox (not necessarily give things away for free, but burn endless money to dig in and establish the brand).

I think it’s fair to be uncomfortable about that. Epic is desperately trying to prove to everyone that they’re “the good guys” -- but it’s that “the lady doth protest too much” saying, you know? If you’re too desperate to prove any point, does that indicate genuine sincerity? Or is that desperation proof that there are other motives at play here?

Those motives, if they exist, are something Epic will no doubt try very hard to conceal. From where I sit, I’ll admit, I don’t know if Epic is necessarily doing anything visibly wrong. It would truly be a better world if Valve, Google, and Apple all lowered their rates and paid higher earnings out to small developers.

It's also worth mentioning that even though Epic's cut is only 17%, it's also much more of a walled garden where only the big names get released. For better or worse, 90% of the games being released on Steam are not eligible for release on Epic's store. They COULD open up EGS so more indies could benefit from those improved rates, but that's not part of their plans for the current version of their "good guy" narrative. They want you to focus on what the OTHER guys are doing wrong. It's about pressuring THEM.

It's just... Epic is being so strategic with this, so calculated, so loud about it, that something about it all feels extremely suspicious. There is a slower, more long term game being set up here, I can feel it in my bones, and I don’t like it.