#in my defense i really thought he was like 27 when i first started the show

[zukkaoru]

[ID: two screencaps of Kunikida Doppo from Bungou Stray Dogs, shown from the shoulders up. in the first, he leans in, facing right, looking back towards the viewer and frowning/pouting. in the second, he is shown from above and is angry. /End ID.]

sometimes. i remember that he's only 22. and then i die

[snowysosturn]

Speeding Car - Matt Sturniolo Part 15

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29

Pairing : y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary : After six years with your boyfriend Alex, you start to mentally check out. At a UCLA party, Alex reconnects with his childhood friend Emily, who proposes a double date with her boyfriend Matt. Your attraction to Matt grows as he pays you the first real attention you've had in years, sparking a complicated emotional journey.

Warnings : MDNI, arguments, tension, angst, toxic relationship, thoughts of cheating, cheating (dont fucking do this)

Like it was instinct, Matt disconnected his phone from the car, “I’ve got to take this” He muttered, before getting out and leaving.

The door closed with a thud, and Nick turned to me with a raised eyebrow. “Woah, who shoved a pole up his ass?”

I managed a weak smile, but my mind was elsewhere. Through the window, I watched Matt pacing while he talked to Emily, his body language tense and agitated. The time difference between here and Barcelona hit me, it was 9 AM there, which meant Emily was probably starting her day or ending it, jet lag provided. The realization made my stomach twist. While Matt was dealing with Emily, I suddenly remembered that I hadn’t heard from Alex yet either.

That thought sent a jolt through me, a sobering reminder of the reality of our situation. Both Matt and I were in relationships. The chemistry between us, the fact we’d almost kissed twice, it wasn’t just complicated, it was wrong.

When Matt finally got back into the car, I couldn’t help but glance his way, trying to read his expression, but his face was an unreadable mask. He looked tense, and I had to bite back the urge to ask him what they’d talked about.

Chris, of course, had no such hesitation. “So, what was that about?”

Matt sighed, clearly irritated, and ran a hand through his hair. “She said she just got to her hotel in Barcelona. She landed an hour ago, and she was already giving out about me not contacting her.” His voice took on a defensive edge. “Like, honestly, what does she want me to do? She was literally in the fucking air on a flight where she has no wifi. How am I supposed to contact her?”

Chris chuckled softly, but Matt wasn’t in the mood to joke. “Not to shit talk her, but seriously. What does she expect me to do?” He shook his head, frustration clear in every word.

The rest of the drive to my apartment felt awkward, a tension building from multiple places. Between Matt’s frustration with Emily, the unresolved moment between us at the beach, and my own tangled thoughts, the air in the car seemed thick with unspoken emotions.

When we finally pulled up to my apartment building, I was eager to escape the suffocating atmosphere. “I had a great night guys, thanks for the ride Matt..” I said, offering everyone a small smile as I unbuckled my seatbelt and reached for the door handle.

But before I could step out, Matt unfastened his seatbelt and got out too. “I’ll walk you to the door” he said, leaving no room for argument.

We walked side by side, the night air cool against my skin, a stark contrast to the heat of the car. The silence between us was heavy, but not uncomfortable, more like we were both lost in our own thoughts. Finally as we approached my door, I broke the silence. “Is everything okay with Emily?”

Matt shrugged, his gaze focused ahead. “Yeah it’s fine. She just.. gets worked up over stuff sometimes.”

I nodded, understanding more than he probably realized. “Well I haven’t heard from Alex yet today,” I admitted “But honestly, at this point, I don’t even really care.”

Matt stopped walking, turning to face me. We stood in front of each other, and I could feel the weight of his gaze. There was nothing that could happen between us with everyone still in the car watching, but the pull was undeniable. I could feel the unspoken words hanging in the air between us, the unsaid truths that neither of us were ready to confront.

“What are you doing over the next few days?” Matt asked, his tone casual, but there was something more behind the question.

“Im working tomorrow, back to normal shifts.. Thank god.” I replied, a small smile tugging at the corner of my lips. “I’ve a few days off after though.”

“Do you want to hang out sometime?” he asked, the hope in his eyes barely concealed.

I hesitated for a moment, but then nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

He smiled, and for a second, the tension from the car seemed to melt away, replaced by something lighter, something that felt a lot like excitement. We stood there for a moment longer, neither of us wanting to end the moment, but aware that it had to end nonetheless.

“Alright, I’ll text you" he said, taking a small step back.

“Sounds good” I replied, turning to unlock my door.

As I walked inside, I couldn’t help but glance back at him. He gave me one last smile before heading back to the car, and I closed the door behind me, my heart racing with anticipation for whatever the next few days would bring.

Matt’s POV

Walking off the beach back to the car felt like I was leaving something important behind, something unfinished. My mind was still buzzing from the moments Y/n and I had shared again, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d been on the verge of something real with her..something I wasn’t sure how to handle but knew I wanted.

As soon as I got back into the driver’s seat, my phone buzzed. It was Emily, her name lighting up the dashboard like a flashlight in the dark car. I disconnected my phone from the car immediately and the car fell into an uneasy silence.

“I’ve got to take this” I muttered, as I got out of the car, slighting banging the door behind me.

As I stepped out of the car, the cool evening air of the beach hit me, but it did little to calm the anxiety bubbling up inside. I glanced back at the group, still chatting and laughing in the car and then down at my phone, where Emily's name was flashing. I knew this call was going to be rough, but I took a deep breath and answered anyway.

"Hey, Em" I greeted, trying to sound casual.

"Don't 'Hey, Em' me, Matt," she snapped immediately, her tone sharp and accusatory. "Why the hell haven't you contacted me? I've been on a flight for hours, and you couldn't even send a text?"

I felt frustration rise up inside me. I loved Emily, but sometimes, she made everything feel like a test I was failing. "Emily, you were in the air. How am I supposed to contact you? You've been flying across the Atlantic. What do you want me to do?"

"That's not the point!" she hissed. "You didn't even try. You could've sent something before I got on the plane. It's like you don't even care."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to keep my cool. "You know I care. But come on, Em, be realistic. You just landed in Barcelona, one of the most beautiful cities in the world, and you're picking a fight with me over this?"

Then there was a pause, I thought that would be the end of that until I heard her take a deep breath in. "Where are you right now, Matt? What are you doing?"

I hesitated for a split second, glancing back at Y/n and the others in the car. "I'm just out with the group. We're at the beach, nothing crazy."

Emily's voice dropped to a dangerous whisper. "Is Y/n there?"

My heart skipped a beat, but I forced my voice to stay steady. Lie. "No, she’s not. Why would she be? It’s just me, Nick, Chris, Nate and Madi"

"Good.." Emily said, her voice dripping with venom. "Because if she was, I swear Matt I’ll make her life hell. She has no business being around you guys. She’s Alex’s girlfriend, Matt. It’s completely inappropriate."

Anger flared up inside me. I knew Emily could be possessive, but this was too much. "Emily, you’re being ridiculous. Y/n’s a friend. And even if she was here, she’s not doing anything wrong. She’s Alex’s girlfriend, yes, but she’s also one of Nick’s good friends now too. We’re just hanging out as a group, nothing more."

"Don’t you dare defend her to me, Matt," Emily warned. 

I clenched my jaw, feeling cornered. "Emily, this is stupid. You’re in Spain, for fuck sake. Why are we even having this conversation? I’m with friends, you’re on the other side of the world, and you’re turning this into a fight over nothing."

"It’s not nothing, Matt. It’s about respect. I’m warning you. Don’t push me on this."

I closed my eyes, the weight of exhaustion and frustration bearing down on me. "Emily, I’m not pushing you. I’m just trying to live my life. We can talk about this when you’re back, but right now, I just want to enjoy my evening with my friends. Can you please just relax?"

There was a tense silence before Emily finally sighed. "Fine. But this isn’t over, Matt. Not by a long shot."

"Yeah, I figured," I muttered under my breath, then louder, "We’ll talk later, okay? Enjoy Barcelona."

"Whatever," Emily replied coldly. "I’ll talk to you later."

I ended the call, a mix of anger and guilt churning in my stomach. I knew I’d lied to her about Y/n being here, but admitting the truth would’ve only blown everything up. As I paced outside the car, trying to shake off the conversation, Emily's words hung over me like a dark cloud.

When I finally walked back to the group waiting in the car, I couldn't even force a smile, but inside, I couldn’t stop wondering how much longer I could keep this up, balancing between what Emily wanted and what I was starting to realize I wanted for myself.

As I sat back into the car, Chris, never one to let things slide, shot me a look. “So, what was that about?”

I sighed, trying to push down the frustration that had been building in me. “She said she just got to her hotel in Barcelona. She landed an hour ago, and she was already giving out about me not contacting her.” My voice taking on a defensive edge.  “Like, honestly, what does she want me to do? She was literally in the fucking air on a flight where she has no wifi. How am I supposed to contact her?”

Chris chuckled softly, but I could tell he didn’t get it, didn’t understand the kind of pressure I was under with her sometimes. “Not to shit talk her, but honestly, what does she expect me to do?”

No one responded, and the awkward tension lingered as I pulled the car away from the curb and started the drive to Y/n’s apartment. My mind wasn’t even on the road, it was stuck between the frustration of dealing with Emily’s expectations and the nagging thoughts of Y/n sitting so close, yet so far away in the backseat.

When we arrived, Y/n was quick to say her goodbyes, as if she was eager to escape the car's tension. But something in me wasn’t ready to let her go just yet. Without really thinking about it, I unbuckled my seatbelt and stepped out of the car. “I’ll walk you to the door,” I said, already moving toward her.

As we walked together, the night air did little to cool the frustration still simmering under my skin. But being near her, even in silence, was calming in its own way. I knew I shouldn’t feel this way, not when I had Emily, but I couldn’t help it. There was just something about Y/n that made everything feel right, even when it wasn’t.

“Is everything okay with Emily?” Y/n’s voice broke the silence, her concern genuine.

I shrugged, trying to play it off like it was no big deal. “Yeah it’s fine. She just.. gets worked up over stuff sometimes.”

I didn’t tell her how Emily had asked where I was, what I was doing, and who I was with. I didn’t mention that I’d purposely left out the fact that Y/n was here with us, knowing it would only cause unnecessary drama. Emily had a way of turning small things into big issues, and the last thing I wanted was grief over something that wasn’t even a problem yet. Especially when I wanted to keep hanging out with Y/n, to get to know her better without the complications.

Y/n nodded, seeming to understand more than I’d said. “I haven’t heard from Alex yet today” she admitted quietly. “But honestly, at this point, I don’t even really care.”

We stopped walking, and I turned to face her. The moment felt heavy, like we were on the edge of something we couldn’t take back. I wanted to tell her how much I enjoyed her company, how being around her made everything else fade into the background. But instead, I asked, “What are you doing over the next few days?”

“Im working tomorrow, back to normal shifts, thank god.” she said with a small smile, and I could see a spark of curiosity in her eyes. “I’m off for a few days after though.”

“Do you want to hang out sometime?” I asked, trying to keep my tone casual, but knowing full well that this wasn’t casual for me.

She hesitated for a second, and I held my breath, but then she nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Relief washed over me, and I smiled, feeling lighter than I had all night. “Alright, I’ll text you.”

She turned to unlock her door, and as she stepped inside, she glanced back at me, returning my smile before disappearing into her apartment.

As I walked back to the car, the frustration from Emily’s call was still there, simmering under the surface, but it was muted now by the anticipation of seeing Y/n soon. I climbed back into the car, but before I could start the engine, my phone buzzed again, a text message from Emily, reminding me she was still very much a part of my life, whether I wanted to think about it or not.

I ignored the message and started driving. I couldn’t deal with Emily right now. My mind was too full of Y/n, the way she looked at me, the way she made me feel, like I was finally doing something right.

The drive to her apartment had felt awkward, but now it was filled with something else. A sense of possibility, a chance to explore whatever this was between us. As long as Emily didn't find out.

Y/n’s POV

The morning sun spilled through the blinds into my bedroom as I dragged myself out of bed, feeling the weight of the last night settling in my chest. I couldn’t stop replaying the whole night in my head. Wishing it was something I could do over and over again. It was all that consumed my thoughts on my drive to work.

Arriving at work, I headed straight to the staff room to put my things away. My phone buzzed, and I glanced down to see a message from Alex.

“Hey, sorry I didn’t text sooner. I slept the whole first day away. Jet lag hit me hard. Have you heard anything from the board yet?”

I hesitated, my thumb hovering over the screen. Alex always relied on me to check his emails, he said it overwhelmed him too much, but today, the thought of logging in overwhelmed me that bit more. Still, I couldn’t avoid it. I owed him that much.

Opening his email, I saw the awaited message from the board sitting in his inbox. My heart pounded as I clicked on it. The words on the screen felt like a punch to the gut:

“Dear Mr.Jenkins,

After further investigation, we have decided to extend Alex's suspension by an additional six weeks. Furthermore, his captaincy has been permanently revoked.

Regretfully,

UCLA Bruins Board of Management.”

I stared at the email, my mind racing. I felt awful for Alex, this was his dream, his life, but I knew telling him now, while he was thousands of miles away, it would ruin his trip. Maybe it was best to wait until he was home. I didn’t want to be the one to deliver the final blow to his happiness.

The staff room door creaked open behind me, snapping me out of my thoughts. I turned to see Jess walking in, her face lighting up when she saw me.

"Y/N! It’s been ages!" she exclaimed, pulling me into a quick hug. But when she pulled back, her smile faltered. "Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost."

I took a deep breath, the words spilling out before I could stop them. “Yeah, I just read an email from the Bruins management, they’ve suspended Alex for another six weeks and took his captaincy away, all over the stupid fight.. I don’t know if I should tell him or not, he's in Barcelona at the minute.. What a stupid decision the fight wasn’t even his fault.” I said, running my hands down my face. Jess listened intently, her expression softening with concern, but she also stood looking at me as if I had 10 heads.

"I think you’re right to wait.." she said gently. "But the fight.. did he ever tell you how it started?"

I frowned, shaking my head. "He just said one of the boys was acting up, it was a stupid fight nothing more."

Jess sighed, looking uncomfortable. "Oh.. Look I didn’t want to be the one to tell you this but I was there that night. I still decided to go out to that new club, remember? I just went out with some other friends, I didn’t see the whole thing, but I heard enough. The fight started because Alex and Emily were holding hands. His teammate Jay called Alex out, you know reminding him he has a girlfriend and Alex got defensive and lost it. Jay was defending you, Y/n."

The words hit me like a freight train. Alex and Emily? Holding hands? My mind spun as Jess continued.

"I wanted to tell you that night.." She admitted, guilt lacing her voice. "I even sent you a message, but I deleted it. I thought Alex should be the one to tell you."

I felt sick to my stomach. To some people, holding hands might not be cheating, but to me, it absolutely was. It was a betrayal, a violation of trust, a mark of disrespect and a line crossed. And the worst part was, deep down, I was surprised. I knew the relationship was fading away, not from my own doing, but I never expected him to do anything like that. I couldn’t deny to myself that I’d been feeling something for Matt, but nothing had actually happened between us. And plus, those thoughts wouldn’t have crossed my mind if I’d been treated right in the first place.

"I can’t believe this" I muttered, more to myself than to Jess. But even as the shock settled in, there was a strange sense of relief. This was it - my way out. I knew then that I was going to break up with Alex when he came home. There was no going back.

Jess bit her lip, hesitating before speaking again. "Y/n, there’s more.. I overheard something else that night. Emily was in the bathroom, talking to some girl she seemed friendly with. She was telling her how she likes her boyfriend.. Matthew? for his money and what he can give her.. but she also wants Alex and that she needs you out of the way so she can have both.."

I felt like I was going to vomit. The betrayal was deeper than I could have imagined. Emily had been playing both sides, using Alex and Matt for her own gain. Did she think she could seriously have both at the same time? Somehow, knowing this didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. Maybe because, deep down, I’d already accepted that things were over between Alex and me.

The rest of my shift passed in a blur, the weight of betrayal pressing down on me with every step. But it was a strange kind of numbness, as if I’d already grieved the loss of this relationship long before today. By the time I clocked out, I’d made up my mind. I wasn’t going to tell Alex about the board’s decision. He didn’t deserve my sympathy anymore.

As I left work, I finally responded to his message. "Aw jet lag sucks. Nope, nothing."

When I got home, Jess texted to say she’d come over later to hang out, which I appreciated. I needed the company. The hours sat on my couch passed by in a flash, my thoughts consumed by all that was revealed to me today, I couldn’t believe how fake Emily is either. Surely Matt should know this information too? Is it my place to say? We both are involved in this now? After a while, I sat up and grabbed my phone to try to find something on UberEats, my appetite was gradually starting to come back, when there was suddenly a knock on the door. “Perfect timing” I thought to myself, hopefully Jess hasn’t eaten yet and we can both order something together. I walked to the front door, unlocking the safety latch but when I opened it, my heart skipped a beat.

It wasn’t Jess, it was Matt.

“Hey sorry for just appearing.. Are you free for the night?”

a/n: everybody say thaaaank youuuu jessss!!!

taglist : @muwapsturniolo @anitahunt @sturnfannn @jayde510 @chrissfavhoe @babyalliah-777 @v33angel @urmom69lol @willowrites @ribread03 @2muchofaslvt @sturnsaver @sleepysturniolo @jcsturniolo11 @jessie-essie @hoeforchrizz @mynbbys @sturniolopanini @mattsturnxoxo @delicatechrry @t77te @sturnsyaper69 @hotdismylife @maggot3647 @ivysturnss @noplaceissafeanymore @mattssgf @yourfavsturniologirl @maethem0nth @sillyponygrl @mattyblover07 @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @dominicfikeenthusiast @mattsfavbigtitties @ncm9696 @chrisstvrns @schlutt4matty @chrissolos @ilusa

[darkst4lker]

taste // thranduil.

thranduil oropherion x fem!reader

plot: two weeks and a half ago, thranduil and (y/n) had a messy break up. now, he appears at your friend arwen's birthday party with his ex girlfriend by his side and you decide that if he wants to play that game, you would play it too.

tw: (mdni) modern!au, it's mainly lovers to enemies to lovers but there will be mentions of smut, angst, thranduil behaves like an asshole, misogyny, use of drugs and and alcohol, good ending (?, i changed a lot of things from the lore!!, everyone is like 20-27 here but legolas wasn't even born yet here. YES there's a moment where starts playing lover you should've come over by jeff buckley!!. low caps on purpose.

notes: english is NOT my first language. i'm sorry if there's any mistake. also this is the first time i publish something i write here!!

“(y/n)” tauriel spoke. you and her were helping arwen to decorate her house for her birthday party that same night, yet you were visibly sad for your break up with thranduil. “(y/n), are you okay?”

you weren't okay.

it was the middle of winter. arwen's living room was one of the most comfortables and warm places on earth, in fact all of her house was like that. it was one of the places where you felt more safe than anywhere in the world but today her house felt deadly cold to you.

maybe the problem wasn't arwen's home itself but the fact that your soul was freezing since the day thranduil's deadly words stabbed your heart like a poisoned knife.

“i don't love you anymore, (y/n).”

fucker. you had spent two years together.

in fact, you and thranduil never fought, never argued, never insulted each other while you were together. yet, the day he left you like that, completely out of the blue, you insulted him so much he probably thought that all his family line would be cursed forever.

he said horrible things too, it wasn't just you. but you may had gone too far when you threw an antique vase that belonged to his family for years through the window of his apartment.

in your defense, he was the last person you thought that would leave you.

of course arwen's house felt cold, the whole world felt cold actually. how could anything feel good in this earth when you weren't in thranduil's arms?

you took a deep breath.

it took you a moment to answer to tauriel's question because the vestiges of the last discussion you had with thranduil were fresh in your mind like if it had happened a second ago. you tried to dismiss the storm of memories flooding your mind and you looked at tauriel.

“yeah, im sorry i went blank for a minute.” you answered while hanging up some balloons in the wall. you tried to fake a smile but your tired eyes revealed your sorrows.

“that's it. im tired of seeing her like this, im going to kill him” aragorn said, leaving his spot next to arwen in the kitchen where they were preparing all the food for the party to get his coat, but arwen stopped him right away.

“stop, you're not helping her. we need to stay here by her side.” arwen came out of the kitchen, after aragorn. her calm voice sent chills down your spine.

aragorn crossed his arms and left his coat alone while he sat in a chair facing you.

you sat on the sofa and arwen sat besides you. the decorations were ready and now you didn't had anything else to distract you from the heartbreak im your chest.

“everything is going to be okay, sweetie. i'm sorry you'll have to see him tonight, bard insisted a lot for me to invite him.” arwen words comforted you and then she hugged you softly. aragorn looked annoyed while he leant against the wall and tauriel stood beside him. “sooner or later he will realize what he's missing.”

“better be sooner because i can't believe he hurted (y/n) like this when a month ago he was talking about fucking marrying her.” aragorn said clearly angry. “i know he's my friend and all but... i can't believe that he really did that.”

“well love can be like that sometimes, i guess.” you answered, trying to keep yourself together. “it comes and it goes.”

“yeah right, but is never just like that (y/n).” tauriel voice was calm but she did seem irritated. “i don't understand why on earth he would do that. it doesn't even makes sense.”

“it doesn't matter if it makes sense or not, guys.” you were clearly about to cry but you held it. “what is done is done and we can't go back in time, and neither can thranduil. i will survive this shit.” everyone tried to smile at you while you spoke but you didn't sounded as convinced as you wanted.

yet, you were true. you couldn't go back in time and in fact, the hours passed swiftly and now the night welcomed the birthday party everyone was waiting for.

you got showered and prepared directly in arwen's home. you had brought your outfit and now your body was inside a stunning and tight scarlet dress.

the black heels that you were in made your outfit more mysterious and in your neck there was a lovely silver necklace with a ruby pendant that arwen had let you borrow for the night.

with a little bit of perfume and red lipstick on, you left arwen's room and joined tauriel's side on the party. there wasn't much people yet, a couple university friends from years ago, the boy tauriel always spoke about: kili and his brother fili, gimli, aragorn of course and like five more people.

it wasn't full yet but arwen's home was quite big so the amount of people wasn't going to be a problem.

thranduil by the other hand, he surely was going to be one.

tauriel and you talked for a while, spending time together before she went to dance with her almost-boyfriend, kili.

you really liked kili for your friend, he seemed like a sweet guy. you really hoped they would end up being together and you wished in the deepest places of your heart that he didn't ended up breaking your friend heart.

like certain person did to you.

you drank a little from the bottle of wine aragorn gave you before rushing to dance with arwen and more people started to appear.

the fear of seeing thranduil that night was disappearing by every sip you gave to the wine and soon you even thought that maybe he wasn't even going to come.

a couple hours later, the house was full of people everywhere, it was 11pm, the party had just started hours ago and when you thought you were free from certain blonde, you saw probably the worst thing you could see with alcohol in your system.

thranduil entered the party with a beautiful blonde girl by his side. they both had their hands enterwined and the girl was giggling while they talked. you instantly felt a rush of rage invade your whole body to the point you believed that your brain was on the verge of exploding.

thranduil had a formal black shirt, leaving two buttons unbottoned and revealing his neck, a little sigh escaped from your lips at the heavenlt sight.

and there it was her.

she looked like a goddes pulled out from a fairytale, making your insecurities corrode your guts like a sickness. the tears threatened to fall off your eyes as you watched their entrance from the another side of the room, and the worst was that you recognized her from old pictures thranduil had in his house. that was his ex girlfriend, now actual (you supposed).

when you thought the horror was over, thranduil looked at you from the distance like if he had some kind of radar attached to him that warned him about everytime you looked at his direction.

his ocean blue eyes met yours. it felt like a boat crashing in the middle of a sea infested with mermaids.

his stare was as intoxicating and addictive as always were. the feelings accumulated in your throat like stones and you got scared for a moment before breaking eye contact with him. it lasted just a second, but it felt like a lifetime passed while your eyes met his.

then you quickly took a sip of your bottle of wine, trying to not give him the pleasure of seeing you rush to the bathroom to cry. for what it felt like hours, you had to see him dance with his new girl and you imagined that you were the one dancing with him, kissing him, touching him.

it was unbelieveable. he literally had replaced you.

how could he? why would he?

those questions pierced your heart like swords, like his words did days ago.

“it was just a pause, a distraction. i needed someone to heal what my past relatonship had broken in me and i already did. you served me well and i will always be grateful.”

you 'served him well'? really? what the fuck does he thinks he is? a king?

his words had melted in your ears like a rotten peach. the sweetness of his low voice mixed with a hint of gall flooding every sentence he said.

you understood now what he meant when he said he healed.

by the other hand, thranduil was breathing heavily.

his hands were on his new girlfriend's waist and sometimes he planted soft kisses on her face. yet, he couldn't fully enjoy anything of it. thranduil regretted all his actions, and much more, how he couldn't save your relationship.

he felt like an idiot. all of his thoughts were on you, every kiss he gave her, every look, every loving gesture, he desired it all went to you instead.

thranduil was deeply conflicted, though. even if he knew how wrong he were when you two broke up, he also was quite offended with the things you said.

it felt like a torture, probably the most horrible one on earth and the weight of his actions were killing him more slowly that he would ever wanted to.

thranduil didn't told you his real motives for leaving you, he thought it would only make it worse for both of you. but after leaving, all of his actions felt meaningless now that he didn't had you.

he was proud, and stubborn though. and watching how you left your seat in wich you were obviously staring at him to sit next to bard made his heart ache terribly.

in your mind, bard seemed like an obvious solution: he was hot, he was your friend and long before you started going out with thranduil he and you had spent a couple of nights together. bard obviously recieved your presence with open arms.

"(y/n), sweetheart." bard calm voice welcomed you as you approached the couch where he was drinking a beer. you noticed he had a blunt on the other hand. "you look beautiful as always."

"hi, bard. long time no-see" you took the seat next to him, everyone were dancing and the fact that he was also a very close friend of thranduil made the whole idea of making out with him so much better.

there was a brief moment of silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable. the music was peaceful now, tempting every couple to slow dance.

"do yo want some?" he offered you the pot, and you took it while nodding.

as you smoke, bard looks at you with his classic lovely and reassuring smile, only this time he seemed quite drunk and clearly high.

you were a little drunk yourself too.

"i think i needed that, thank you." you give him back the blunt, and he leaves it in the ashtray. after, he looks at you with curiousity.

"are you-" he started to say but you interrupt him.

"yes i am in fact okay, thank you for asking though." the question had you completely exhausted. you rolled your eyes and stared at him right at his, starting to feel the mix of pot and the alcohol making you a little dizzy. "i came to see if we could make out for a while, i don't care if it's your fault he is here, i don't care about him, i don't care about anything. please, help me forget everything for a second like in the old times. please." your voice sounded a little desperate but the truth it was that you were.

the pain in your heart was begging and pleading to be released, to be cured even if it was for a brief moment. it felt like a bomb ticking on your chest that could explode at any moment and bard seemed to notice it.

a soft smile appeared on his face as he spoke. "you do seem to care, sweetie." the nickname made your heart ache a little, all his nicknames did. thranduil used to call you loving names all the time but the last time you two spoke he called you plainly by your name.

you asked yourself if he also was calling her those sweet names too.

your mouth opened to answer bard but the words didn't came out as the heart ache was ripping apart your body from the insides. bard saw your change of expression, knowing you needed help to get the words out of your chest. you did care after all.

bard puffed, trying not to sound melancholic and grabbed your hand softly. “im sorry, love. i know why you're asking me this and you can be sure i understand it, but thranduil made me promise i wouldn't touch you and i don't want to be in the middle of this break up.” as always, he was a pacifist. bard put his hand on your shoulder and pulled you into a hug. your sight started to get blurry from tears. “it will pass.”

his words echoed in your mind calming every part of you like a balm.

“it will pass.”

you spent what it felt like hours in bard's arms, cying silently. he held you, proving that even if he was thranduil's friend, he was still your friend also. it was a beautiful gesture, and made your soul heal for a while.

yet, an specific sentence of his words lingered in your mind leaving a poison trail on your thoughts: “thranduil made me promise i wouldn't touch you.” why on earth thranduil would care if you fucked bard? what was his problem?

after a moment, you broke the hug and faced bard a little bit ashamed by the way you tried to approach him at first and how you broke down instantly at him reading your feelings like a book. after wiping your tears, you looked at him. your face was swollen from crying but your expression tried to remain calm.

“im sorry i tried to-...” you started, but he cutted you off.

“it doesn't matter, love. it's okay.” bard said, giving you a reassuring stroke on your hand.

a sigh escaped from your lips and then you felt hungry, as you hadn't eat anything in the whole night.

“i will go to the kitchen to get something to eat, i'll be back in a sec.” your voice was trembling at every word but bard smiled at you and nodded, giving you a soft pat on the head before you stood up.

he surely knew how to treat a heartbroken person.

the way to the kitchen was silent, at least for you. the music was still loud but your head was even louder.

your hands placed themselves on the refrigerator door and the familiar soft cold wind welcomed you.

arwen never cared if you took food from her fridge, so you guessed that she probably wouldn't mind if you took an apple. then you closed it, not wanting to be tempted to eat something more and empty the whole refrigerator, leaving your friend having to buy more things tomorrow.

as you ate the apple you remembered how thranduil had cooked you an apple cake one time. it was probably one of the few times he ever baked anything sweet yet the cake resulted to be absolutely perfect.

then you cursed yourself, if you wanted to forget why did he keep coming back in every single little thing you did?

it was like every detail of him was craved deeply onto your heart with no intention of leaving you soon and it hurted more than you could stand.

“you must be (y/n)” a sweet voice called you from behind, and when you turned you saw her.

it was probably one of the most beautiful women you'd ever seen. blue eyes, blonde hair and soft lips.

you fully understood why thranduil would ever leave you for her. she was surely beautiful like if she were some kind of angel.

“yes, i am.” the words left your mouth with shyness. she had a smirk on her face, and looked at you while your teeth catched another bite from the apple.

“it's surely nice to meet you.” she answered, but her voice was almost cynical. there was a weird tone of passive aggressiveness behind it but you were probably too high to catch up.

then it became so obvious you couldn't avoid it.

“thran spoke a lot about you.” she continued, getting closer to you. “but i'm sure that he will soon stop.” then she walked some more steps to your direction and you placed the apple on the counter, swallowing hard.

you didn't realized that you probably had a sad look on your face until she spoke again.

“oh, don't put on that face.” she said, chuckling. there was a mocking subtone on her words. “thran will forget you quickly.” her words felt like a sting through your chest. “you surely don't seem as beautiful nor interesting as everyone said, and i will clearly erase you from his heart.”

you were about to answer, but then you saw thranduil appear behind her like if he were searching for her, and it was too much for you to handle. it was too humilliating to see him watching how his girlfriend completely destroyed you.

your steps were fast as you left the kitchen clearly at the verge of tears. the bathroom was the first door you saw as you almost ran out of the room.

the door felt heavy against your hands but it was nothing you couldn't handle. the first instinct you had was sit on the floor, knees against your chest and finally letting it all out.

you didn't cared if anyone heard you. the heartbreak was a weight in your chest that you needed to purge the fastest way possible, even if thranduil mocked you with his girlfriend outside, even of everyone only felt pity for you, even if the world ended tomorrow.

the pain needed to come out.

and as you finally gave yourself permission to cry, the bathroom door started to open.

you almost didn't noticed, as the sounds were minimum but what you did noticed was the cologne thranduil always wore.

your stare didn't raised to face him, and he closed the door.

“what on earth are you doing?” his voice sounded like a dagger through your heart, and then you looked at him from the ground.

“i didn't asked you to come here.” your answer was harsh. “you're clearly having a lot of fun with all of this.”

“i don't care about what you think, (y/n).” you felt like your name was cursed on his lips. thranduil's voice was serious. “i asked you a question.”

you got angry instantly. how dared he to even ask something like that?

as you stood up to face him properly, your face swollen from tears and by looking him in the eyes you noticed he was probably high too. yet the weed nor the alcohol were clouding his senses that much.

his eyes were like an ocean, and you were drowning in it. quickly and deeply.

“i don't know what on earth do you want me to answer. i literally don't know.” you said, clearly irritated with his attitude and your voice trembling with fury. “what the fuck do you want me to say?”

“don't talk to me like that” he answered harshly. memories of your last fight came to you like a storm. “i asked you why are you crying in the bathroom like a pathetic little girl” thranduil said. “you were clearly capable of defending yourself two weeks ago”

instantly, you understood he was talking about the fight.

“and you were the same imbecile you're being now.” the answered came from your lips almost drowning you in venom and thranduil's expression became more cold than before if that was even possible. “it didn't occur to you, that maybe and just maybe, i don't want to fight for a man like you in the middle of my friend birthday party?”

“a man like me?” he sounded almost offended, and took a step closer to you, his head over yours and his serious eyes looking down at you. “you were dying for a man like me not even a month ago”

and you were still dying for him.

as thranduil was much taller than you, after the break up you discovered that arguing with him was one of the most intimidating things you'd ever done.

yet you faced him with bravery, not letting him ruin the last pieces you had from your broken heart.

“well i don't want to anymore.” you said and he got more closer, his chest almost touching yours.

“and what kind of man do you want then? you want a man like bard?” thranduil asked and he sounded annoyed, his face was stoic but the subtone of his words betrayed his feelings.

he sounded jealous, and he clearly was.

“and what is your problem if i do?” you bited back, pushing his buttons. “maybe he'll treat me way much better than you, in fact, i'm pretty sure he wouldn't replace or use me « to heal » in the first place.” you avoided his eyes while you spoke, not wanting your look to give away the fact that you didn't wanted to be with anyone else than thranduil.

thranduil let out an irritated puff, then his hand went straight to your face, grabbing it tightly, forcing you to look at him.

“then go date him, (y/n).” he said, his voice becoming rough. “that's really what you want?” thranduil asked.

you didn't answered, as you became nervous. yet your hands went to his chest, trying to push him out but it was useless.

thranduil was visibly angry and an irritated chuckle left his lips.

“but i don't think you want that, do you love?” he said, not really expecting you to say anything, cause he already knew the answer. “actually, if i remember correctly, less than a month ago you were in my bed whimpering for me.”

thranduil calling you « love » again made your heart skip a beat as the rest of his words burned your skin like a wildfire.

“why are you throwing a tantrum, thranduil?” you asked, annoyed. he was completely delusional if he thought you wouldn't fire back. “isn't your new girlfriend enough for you that you have to come looking for me like a little puppy?” every word you said felt like if you were digging your own grave, but you didn't cared at all. thranduil's grip on your face became harder.

the next thing that happened was probably the last thing you expected.

thranduil kissed you fiercely, like a unleashed beast. it was agressive, but you played along.

it was like drinking from an oasis in the middle of the dessert, and you answered him with the same obsessive hunger. you broke the kiss briefly to push him almost violently against the bathroom door, and then you were the one to attack his mouth to shut him up before he could say anything.

a slow song started to sound loudly in the house, making the contact more passionate.

« maybe i'm too young, to keep good love from going wrong »

thranduil went from kissing you like an animal to kiss you tenderly, his hand releasing your face to caress your head. he subtely guided you to the floor, where he sat with his back against the door and you placed yourself in his lap, straddling him.

minutes passed, his lips tasted like if you were drinking napalm making your loins burn, and your blood rushed quickly to your cheeks. both of his hands placed themselves on your hips, pulling you closer as his tongue asked you permission to enter your mouth.

« so 'll wait for you, love, and I'll burn. will I ever see your sweet return? »

you open your mouth and let him do as he please, and thranduil takes the opportunity, introducing his tongue. then, the kiss abandoned its sweet nature to become an agressive fight between the both of you, again. your hands move to his hair, making it messy.

thranduil wastes no time and one of his hands moves to your neck, making a little bit of pressure, while kissing you.

the kiss is broken up by the need to take a little bit of air, and you both look at eachother in the eyes, his hand not leaving its place.

« it's never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter »

“i hate you” you say agitated, your lips swollen from the past interaction.

he chuckled, breathing heavily. “i hate you too.”

« it's never over, she is the tear that hangs inside my soul forever »

and then he pulled you to kiss you again, roughly. his left hand went under your dress, caressing your thigh and the other made presure on your neck and made you sigh in between the kiss. thranduil smiled as you kept kissing eachother hungrily, now moving his hand closer to the sweet spot between your legs.

you made sure to kiss him hard, and bited his lip with delicacy as he moved your underwear to the side, thinking that if you were lucky, his girlfriend would taste you too when she kissed him.

thranduil touched you freely, like he still loved you. you whined against his mouth, and he broke the kiss.

“you still want to go out with bard?” he asked, releasing your neck to make you look at him by grabbing your chin. his other hand was between your legs, playing with you and making you sigh again.

« lover, you should've come over, 'cause it's not too late »

there was a brief silence as you tried to hold yourself together to give him an answer.

“n-no.” you said. “do you love her?” the sudden question came from your lips in an agitated whimper as you looked him in the eyes. for some reason you felt he almost rewarded you by moving his hand faster against you, making you gasp.

“no.” thranduil finally asnwered only for you to kiss him again. you grabbed both sides of his face, and his right hand caressed your hair softly.

and then your little make out session was terribly interrupted by loud and violent knocks on the door. you both stood up quickly, like children being caught doing a mischief.

he made you a sign to keep quiet and spoke.

“yes?” thranduil said, calmly.

“babe, is that you?” you rolled your eyes at the sound of his girlfriend's voice. thranduil noticed and a little mischievous smile appeared on his lips.

“yes, it's me. give me five minutes.” he answered, his voice was too calm for the events that unfolded just moments before.

thranduil then pressed you against the wall, next to the door so the door could cover your presence while he went out. you wondered if his new girlfriend was really that stupid to not notice her, but you quickly thought that if thranduil was doing this he probably believed too that she was indeed stupid.

you admired how he always knew how to manage all the situations, but something in your chest ached when he gave you another kiss before whispering a soft « i love you » and opening the door, leaving you shocked.

he loved you. thranduil really loved you.

“im here, love.” thranduil said to her, covering your presence with the door and showing his girlfriend that no one was in the bathroom with him. at least to her eyes.

“the party is ending, thran. we should go.” she said. oh you loathed her, and a part of you hated thranduil for leaving you for her. you wanted him to say no, to stay with you, but he didn't.

“okay. let's go.” he answered, and exited the bathroom, leaving you alone but forgetting to turn off the light.

you walked to the mirror, saw your messy make up, the frustrated look on your face after being interrupted and your lips subtly swollen from the kisses and you laughed.

you fucking laughed.

you laughed because, no matter what she could say or do to compete with you, you've already won. he didn't loved her, he was yours. and you hoped; no, you knew, that everytime she kissed him, she would have to taste you too.

and to think you didn't intended to fight over him on the first place, but now the game was on.

I REALLY HOPE YOU LIKED THIS!! it was super hard for me to finish this, and i plan to do a part 2 so stay tuned <3

[meetinginsamarra]

mayprompts2024, #27 jealousy

Chapters 1 to 3 here on AO3

If you like the tattoo AU give it some love on my AO3, please. It would mean a lot to me. TYSM!

+++++

White Pony Tattoo - Part Seven (jealousy)

When both of them had calmed down from all the laughter, Sherlock clapped his hands on his thighs and leant forward in his chair.

“Let’s talk about your cover-up.”

“Please, do.” John fixed all of his attention on Sherlock.

“First of all, whose idea was it to get a tattoo?”

“Oh, that was me. I wanted something of her to last. Something to show how serious it was for me, our marriage. You know, til death do us part, kind of.”

Sherlock hummed but was clearly not impressed by this reason.

“And whose idea was it to put her face on a Virgin Mary image? She has not actually been a virgin when you’ve met, right?”

“Well, no.” John blushed. “It was her idea. Because, you know, her first name was Mary and she thought it was a great...” John trailed off, sighing then looking at Sherlock who thankfully kept his mouth shut but was slowly turning his head in an unmistakable “no”.

Defensively, John added, “It wasn’t, in hindsight, okay?”

“It’s never been right from the start.”

John rolled his eyes. “You just needed to say it out loud, didn’t you?”

“She proposed that you tattoo her face on your arm to make a statement. A clear mark that you’ve been taken, by her. She wanted that the other women and men,” Sherlock winked knowingly at John who merely snorted, “become jealous of her. Look at my prize! It’s mine and mine alone! Possessive behaviour at its best.”

Again, in hindsight, that makes so much sense. John thought ruefully.

Sherlock continued, ignoring the distressed expression on John’s face.

“At least, your tattooist has done quite a good job, technically. No blurring, no wonky lines, no blotchy shading. Good placement of the design, too. Matching the natural contours of your upper arm. Which makes a cover-up much easier.”

“Good. I really want to get rid of this.”

Sherlock stood up. “Come on, John. I’ll explain my process to you.” He opened the purple curtain, holding it open for John to pass through into the room behind.

It housed the actual tattoo studio. The first thing John noticed was that everything in this room was high-end.

The recliner seat for the clients, the worktable with Sherlock’s tools, shelves with bottles of ink, needles and at least five different tattoo guns. Everything was also clinically clean. One corner of the room was occupied by a tiny but professional photo studio, including spotlights and an expensive looking camera on a tripod. There was another worktable with a state-of-the-art computer setup.

“Take off your jumper and stand in front of the camera. This is a special camera with a 3D software. It’ll scan your arm and every line of the tattoo in high-res and send the data to an image generating software on my computer. This way, I can design the perfect phoenix for you, one that will match and cover or even use the lines you already have without any optical distortion.”

“Wow, that’s, Jesus, that is quite elaborate.” John gaped. “All this for a cover-up?”

“No, it’s what I do with all of my clients. It’s the only way to achieve the perfection I desire.”

“Brilliant.” John looked at Sherlock, full of awe. “Extraordinary.”

Sherlock blinked. “Really?”

“Of course, all the effort you put into this!”

Sherlock ruffled his curls, obviously abashed. He turned his head to hide the pinkish blush that had started to spread on his sharp cheekbones and mumbled something unintelligible while he rummaged uselessly around in a drawer.

But John had already seen it.

For all of his aggressive seductive behaviour, could it be that he gets shy when someone genuinely praises and appreciates his process? John mused. A bit ‘all bark but no bite’ under this self-assured demeanour and abrasive personality? I’d really like to to have a photo of this blushing Sherlock, it’s adorable.

The next ten minutes went by in silence, only interrupted when Sherlock told John how to turn and place his arm in front of the camera.

“How long will it take until you’ve got the final design?”

“At least a week. The next days are packed with clients. Also, there’s something else to my process, about creating the perfect ink which takes some time as well.”

John was struck by another question. One that John had not yet thought to ask which might possibly come across as pretty stupid now.

“Erm, we haven’t talked about what you charge for all of this.” Can I even afford this? Him?

“Oh, silly me!” Sherlock exclaimed theatrically. “I forgot to mention that you have to sign a contract in blood and sell your soul.”

“Dork!” John playfully punched Sherlock against the shoulder. “Don’t pull my leg.”

“Ah, don’t look so frightened, John. You can afford my services. I charge my clients depending on their wealth, you know? I helped a disfigured young man for the price of a bottle of ink and I had a rich investment banker pay me 600 pounds an hour. I’m not going to rob you blind.”

“Ta.” Relief flooded John, then he remembered Sherlock’s last remark. “What’s that about the ink?”

“Yes, right.” Sherlock’s voice got excited. “Do you want to see something really special? A secret?”

“Oh, God, yes.”

++++++

tagging some people @totallysilvergirl @peageetibbs @lisbeth-kk  @raina-at  @calaisreno

[batsplat]

hi batsplat this is marquezian.. as our resident casey scholar i was wondering if you have casey race recs !!

boy do I ever have recs! here's a (hopefully) fairly comprehensive list, drawing from more or less all the stages of his grand prix career and featuring races notable for a bunch of different reasons

casey is quite defensive of the 'boring' racing of the alien era (in particular the 2010-12 years)... but it is a shame his time in motogp overlapped so heavily with the 800cc era, which did lead to some tough watches for fans of 'overtakes' and 'close racing' and 'unpredictability'. so a lot of these race picks aren't necessarily reflective of how casey racked up the majority of his wins, plus presumably don't always match up with what his own picks would be. but well, whatever! I threw in a few of the ones I know casey likes

warning: the race descriptions generally spoil the results of the races. since this list is pretty long, I've put an asterisk next to the races I'd particularly recommend, and double asterisk next to my personal faves

my tldr spoiler-free top five faves list is catalunya 2007, donington park 2007, laguna seca 2008, sachsenring 2010, and laguna seca 2011. my five next-off most notable/fun races are assen 2004, turkey 2006, qatar 2007, phillip island 2009 and silverstone 2011

and here's the actual list, in chronological order:

sachsenring 2003: first podium in grand prix racing! big disclaimer: the recordings of the 2003 125cc races you can find on the videopass are poor quality and don't feature any commentary, so not the easiest to watch. this race is also not great to follow on the colour front: the three main protagonists are *squints at notes* casey (yellow bike, number 27), perugini (mostly black and white but with a few greenish highlights, 7) and de angelis (mostly green, 15). but well it's a really tight fight that goes until the last corner, good fun... casey's talked about how nervous the track made him so he wasn't racing his opponents hard enough at the end. which is kinda sweet and revealing

brazil 2003: another tight battle, this time with jorge (green/red, 48) and de angelis, another time he doesn't QUITE make it. jorge's first ever victory! y'know the one where he overtakes everyone on the outside and starts the whole x-fuera thing

valencia 2003: first win! 125cc/moto3 racing being reliably good fun is a time-honoured tradition and it can even make that middling karting track exciting to watch. it's a good fight - quite helpfully, casey's nicely visible yellow bike contrasts well with the blue bike (hector barbera, number 80) and the red bike (sic, 58) (at some point steve jenker, 17, shows up on a black and white bike). that being said... the bloody video on the motogp website cuts off around two and a half laps to the end, which is a shame because those laps were (apparently) filled with drama. very close finish, not helped by the spark plug of casey's bike breaking RIGHT before the end, which is a very casey thing to happen to him. he thought he was screwed but ended up being saved by barbera running wide trying to overtake him in the last corner. here's a cute lil feature with casey discussing the race that you can probably just watch instead of the race. also ofc him saying how good it felt to beat the spanish at their home circuit (clip here), king of spite

^look at him in evil gross luminous yellow

**assen 2004: I'll admit, this race is one of my faves in large part because of the terrorism jorge does on casey on the last lap, which casey was NOT happy about. (in a funny coincidence, the same event features jorge's future teammate doing some last lap terrorism on gibernau that gibernau is also decidedly not thrilled about.) featured in the autobiography - he really wasn't a fan of jorge at the time - and when he's being sulky in the interview they have in the post-race broadcast. but another great fight and, with my apologies to casey, the last lap is fantastic. excitingly includes commentary!!

jerez 2006: casey's first motogp race! you don't reallyyyy see enough of him on the broadcast for it to be completely worth it, but it's still a proper good ride. he starts in fifteenth, makes a great start and then gets a lil lucky at the first corner when toni elias attempts to murder barrels into valentino and opens up a gap for casey. gets all the way up to fourth and finishes sixth!! also ofc a starring performance by dani at the front of the race

qatar 2006: second race of the season. after the first race, casey had been ill with a bad fever, plus there'd been a fuck up with the flights that meant he only got to the lusail circuit ten minutes before the first session. he topped the first practise session and qualified on pole, even though he was still recovering from illness and was massively sleep-deprived. his first battle with valentino, eventually drops a few places but still <3 also features some fun vale/nicky hayden battles

*turkey 2006: the third race of the season (look he front-loaded his good races that year) and my girl's first premier class podium!! but... bit of a heartbreaker as he did come VERY very very close to winning. also he said apparently he was pleased with his podium but when he got to parc fermé his team was acting disappointed he didn't win :( still a fantastic race, the highlight of casey's troubled rookie campaign. (casey was fast from the get-go in the premier class, but was dealing with major tyre issues that the team around him didn't do a good job at helping him with. by the end of the season, he ended up acquiring a somewhat unfair reputation for being a crasher, with the lovely nickname 'rolling stoner'. still, for young talent it's generally the peaks that matter most and you could really see his ability shine through here)

*qatar 2007: obviously of Great Narrative Significance, casey's first race with ducati and when he announced his arrival at the top of the sport by getting his first premier class win. good solid fun casey/vale fight, though it does feature the classic 'ducati blasts past everyone down that very long lusail straight' syndrome. people were kinda mean about that - which in turn made casey very irritable, arguing that if your bike is a nightmare to ride everywhere else then it's an accomplishment to be close enough to blast past down the straight. unfortunately I do agree a lil bit with the naysayers in terms of the actual racing, but still a pretty good fight

^the last year it was a day race

**catalunya 2007: probably my personal favourite? (of the ones casey won, anyway.) just something about a great battle at that track - obviously valentino had about a million, but this was really the only race-long one that he lost. important in the context of the 2007 title campaign - even though it was only a ten-point swing - because it showed casey wasn't just about horsepower dominance. fantastic riding from both of them

**donington park 2007: my fave of his wet weather performances because he actually has to work his way through the field. he started fifth but was outside of the top ten early on after an uncharacteristically poor start. fun race with plenty of good shake-ups of the order

(he sealed the title in motegi and won his home race for the first time that year, but since he finished sixth in the former and won the latter by a few lightyears, they don't make the cut)

*qatar 2008: more fun than qatar 2007!! imo!! obviously it's also jorge's first race and he's on pole and dani's a bit injured and those two have their whole thing™️ going on... and vale has just switched tyre suppliers and is trying to prove he's not washed and casey is starting his title defence... so a big significant race for all four of them, and unlike many races in that era has a fair few twists and turns and almost all of them actually get to fight each other a bit. okay eventually it settles down and gets dull but until then it's fun (and there's also some very late excitement involving dovi/vale)

**laguna seca 2008: I feel a wee bit bad for including this one and casey would throw something at me, but well it obviously belongs on here. ignoring casey's complaints for a minute about vale's aggression, it really is a fantastic battle - and vale only goes as far as he does because casey's so good! (also unsure whether casey would appreciate this line of reasoning.) probably the one everyone's most likely to have already watched, and for good reason since it slaps. sorry casey

estoril 2009: only for sentimental reasons, after the first few laps it gets boring fast. still, it's casey's first race back after the mystery illness-induced break, he immediately has a cute lil battle with vale (which he wins, slay) and... okay then it's basically a procession but it's also nice and sweet when it's over and he's on the podium and he's shown everyone he's still got it. maybe skip like. 20 laps

**phillip island 2009: casey's first win in only his second race back!!! warning that it's a little light on actual overtaking but it's still tense and close most of the way through and casey's so great to watch on this circuit. (he's literally too good at it for most of his races there to be all that interesting, this is probably the best one.) plus it's another one included partly for sentimental reasons. here's my pitch:

sepang 2009: so he's been slandered for months, he's been written off, ducati have been fucking him over, he comes back and immediately gets a podium finish and wins the next race... what does he do after that? win again obviously! another neat little wet performance (partly helped by vale having a bit of a shocker off the line lmao, though he seals the title that day with a p3 finish)

valencia 2009: if you want to see the pole sitter crash on the warm up lap and dani almost miss the start in confusion

**sachsenring 2010: vale's first race back after the broken leg. usually that's the time when everyone would pretend to be nice to each other... but all three of vale, jorge and casey had gone to efforts during vale's absence to make things worse <3 anyway cracking race including a good fun spite-fuelled battle between casey and vale for the last podium spot, one of their better scraps with a dramatic ending - after which both of them are charmingly bitchy about each other to the media (see below). shame it was basically their last notable battle in the dry (I didn't include either jerez 2011 or le mans 2012 on this list because I wouldn't really recommend them as good casey races, but they do more or less conclude casey and vale's on-track story. and the latter is also the last podium they share, plus it's the race right after casey announced his retirement. fave presser moment)

^😭😭😭😭😭 you guys are AWFUL oh my god. people always talk about laguna 2008 but the vibes got way more rancid post-2009 when their actual on-track rivalry was basically over

motegi 2010: this one's kinda marginal on whether it qualifies for this list. casey was really proud of this win and felt his 2010 wins were particularly impressive given how much he had to override a bike that was objectively shit by this point.... BUT in practise once he shakes off dovi, it's quite a dominant win and the real fun is watching valentino experiment with whether he can make jorge lorenzo the first person ever to die of rage alone while riding a motorcycle

*silverstone 2011: one of the truly great wet weather performances. this is a personal taste thing - I don't mind dominance as much in the wet because it's just cool sometimes seeing somebody drop a masterclass on the field in those conditions. but obviously not necessarily the most exciting victory fight once he hits the front after like. a lap. still, good battles going on behind him

^a fan of british tracks, not a fan of the british

*sachsenring 2011: great three-way battle with jorge and dani, with the lead exchanged several times - also plenty of other good battles down the order. not one casey emerges victorious from, but definitely one of the best races that season

**laguna seca 2011: okay look corkscrew this corkscrew that but there's an argument to be made that casey makes a pass in this that's better than anything marc and vale can DREAM of. well no I won't go that far - but it's still an incredible overtake, insane thing to do at a blind corner, and casey just looks fantastic riding on that circuit. in his autobiography he says something along the lines of 'oh it looked scary on tv but I knew I'd make it'. which. okay casey!! not gonna say more than that, one of those where you'll know it when you see it. one of the best races of his career and also a key race in that year's title fight

phillip island 2011: marginal inclusion, but it's sweet he sealed the title on his 26th birthday by winning his home race (even though he mainly sealed it there because jorge lost half a finger and couldn't start the race). conditions got treacherous when the rain showed up but well casey stayed on the bike, just about

*jerez 2012: casey's first and last win at jerez! this is the one that casey called his greatest career win at the time and... sure, fair enough, especially given he had a weirdly bad record at the track. he didn't enjoy the experience much because of his arm pump issues, which makes the performance all the more impressive. fun first few laps in particular, after that it's maybe a bit more tension than actual action. still a proper good race

estoril 2012: another win he's very proud of... another one that's maybe even more skewed towards tension than actual action, but still an unmistakably impressive performance given jorge's strong record there and casey's physical issues. that and jerez completed his set as they'd been the races he hadn't won yet, which made him feel more certain of his choice to retire

phillip island 2012: listen it's his last win and it sealed the title (for jorge), so was at least somewhat exciting. but also according to his autobiography, casey deliberately rode slower for a bit before expanding the gap again just to keep his focus up, which I think gives you a sense of how easy he found winning there

^his penultimate race and sixth consecutive victory at phillip island. he also finished on the podium in his last ever race at valencia

[poseidons-lovechild]

Do you think Hannibal was in love with Alana and Bedelia? The same way he was in love with Will? Or how do you see Hannibal's relationship with Alana and Bedelia compared to his intense love for Will?

okay, buckle up, this is gonna be a wild ride. [that escalated a bit, short answer: here.]

First of all, I want to say that I am not sure how Hannibal would define love. I think for him it is mostly about being understood and seen.

Second, I think that Sorbet is really telling about his three main relationships. It contains the first session we see between him and Bedelia, we see the beginnings of his and Alana’s romantic relationship and we see Will missing his session and Hannibal coming to see Will, their conversation where Will gives such an accurate assessment of the Ripper’s motivation.

Third, since Hannibal is so manipulative his relationships are often written in a way, where we often see what he wants us to see and then later, it is revealed that it was a whole other thing entirely. In my opinion that makes it hard to assess his relationships.

alana bloom

In my opinion he neither loved nor was in love with Alana – she was an esteemed colleague. He carefully flirted with her and entered a relationship with her as means to an end, a future alibi, because she was someone Jack would trust. It was built on manipulation – even if Hannibal expressed regret for that and offered her an out.

“I was hoping you and I wouldn’t have to say good-bye. Nothing seen nor said. You may have found that rude.” “[…] I was so blind.” “In your defense, I worked very hard to blind you. You can stay blind. You can hide from this. Walk away, I’ll make no plans to call on you. But if you stay, I will kill you. Be blind, Alana. Don’t be brave.” Mizumono, 00:29:37-00:30:27.

It is mentioned, they worked together in what I think was a mentor-mentee relationship. This previous platonic relationship, their history, is what he constructed their romantic one on.

“You had me examining PhD candidates that week.” “And I’m grateful you were examining PhD students and not the Ripper. You realize those candidates thought we were having an affair. Why didn’t we?” Sorbet, 00:25:50-00:25:58.

I think for Hannibal it is important that people see him, that someone understands him. Alana did not and could never – “while being able to understand Hannibal's philosophies, [she] is unable to accept or digest them.” (cf. tayasui-mono in her post)

“Could I ever have understood you?” “No.” Digestivo, 00:26:32-00:26:40.

[honorable mentions]

that weird ass kaleidoscope sex scene

the theremin rizz

bedelia du maurier

I do believe that he was in love with Bedelia once upon a time, at the starting point of the series I would say he loves her but is not in love with her anymore.

In Sorbet, Alana mentions an affair he had while she was working with him. I always interpreted that this affair was with Bedelia.

“You were already having an affair.” Sorbet, 00:26:05-00:26:07.

In my opinion, Bedelia is one of two people, who get to know Hannibal under the person suit. Alone by her knowledge that there is a person suit she knows him better than most. The best scene for that is the first session we see in Sorbet.

She sees small glimpses of him. When she mentions the existence of his human veil/person suit as well as the loneliness that surely must come with it, we see a small smile flash over Hannibal’s face, acknowledging her knowledge of him. More so she knows that she knows him.

“I see enough of you to see the truth of you. And I like you.” Sorbet, 00:18:18-00:18:22.

Not only does she confront him with the fact of his dishonesty, with the existence of his human veil/person suit, but she also distances herself from him being his friend; they are colleagues and in a doctor-patient relationship. She gives clear boundaries, BUT crosses them in the same scene by drinking a glass wine with ‘her patient’.

Bedelia is morally ambiguous, we never know whether she is scared or complicit – or a little bit of both. Or if she even knows.

“Important to get across was the degree to which she is aroused by what is happening. Why on earth is she there? I mean, I know she is titillated by him. But the fact that she got on the plane and went to Italy with him implies that there is something deeper between them. This is the first time he commits a murder in front of her. It was important to see the degree to which she is on the one hand completely terrified. And on the other hand, there’s a part of her that is definitely turned on by and enraptured by the danger and him.” Gillian Anderson in ‘Gillian Anderson Rewatches The X-Files, Sex Education, Scoop & More’ for Vanity Fair.

I believe also that if Italy had been the first time she ever was directly confronted with Hannibal’s violence - while acting like or rather being his wife mind you – she would not have been so torn about it.

Something that I also don’t want to skip is the fact that she killed before and that she liked it – at least that's how I would interpret the orgasm-like camera work in that particular scene. Therefore I would say that Hannibal likes to play with that darker side of her – to provoke her.

“Observe or participate?” “What?” “Are you, in this very moment, observing or participating?” “Observing.” “You say you’re observing, but this…this is participation, Bedelia.” Antipasto, 00:37:25-00:37:53.

In the end though, Italy happens while Hannibal is already and still very much in love with Will and he is literally talking to his ‘wife’ about his boyfriend.

“Was it nice to see him?” “It was nice…among other things .He knew where to look for me.” “You knew where he would look for you.” "He said he forgave me." “Forgiveness is too great and difficult for one person. It requires two: the betrayer and the betrayed. Which one are you?” “I’m vague on those details.” "Betrayal and forgiveness are best seen as something akin to falling in love." "You cannot control with respect to whom you fall in love." Secondo, 00:00:53-00:01:57.

After all that there is no way Bedelia didn't feel used. She knew she was filling the gaps Will left in Hannibal's life while understanding that although they are similar she could never replace him in any manner.

I don't understand how people interpret her as annoyed or as if she "just didn't want to die". There was surely understanding and love between Hannibal and her, yet not like between Will and Hannibal.

And YES, they fucked.

[honorable mentions]

the dancing scene (and the whole antipasto episode just for their chemistry): “Bellissima.” “Grazie.”

the dinner scene: “My husband has a very sophisticated palate. He is very particular about how I taste.” “Is it that kind of party?” “It’s not that kind of party.”

will graham

Hannibal’s relationship with Will I always find hard to define as it is written in a way that is not so much based on romantic or sexual attraction but rather mutual understanding – ‘seeing each other’. (Which, let’s be honest, is probably due to NBC being homophobic.)

Because of his ‚gift‘, his heightened empathy, Will can assess the Ripper in a way that no one else can. In Sorbet, he does so in Hannibal’s presence and Hannibal finally finds someone who really sees him.

“Displaying one’s enemies after death has its appeal in many cultures.” “This aren’t the Ripper’s enemies, these are pests he’s swatted.” “Their reward for their cruelty.” “Oh, he doesn’t have a problem with cruelty. Their reward is for undignified behavior. These dissections are to disgrace them. It’s…it’s a public shaming.” “Takes their organs away because, in his mind, they don’t deserve them.” “In some way.” Sorbet, 00:34:44-00:35:21.

In each other they find someone that understands and reciprocates.

“They are identically different, Hannibal and Will.” Digestivo, 00:03:59-00:04:02.

With his Achilles/Patroclus reference in regards to their relationship Hannibal practically confesses that he is indifferent to anyone but Will in his life. (How Will misses the point of this reference is completely inexplicable to me. After this he still had the audacity to ask, “Is Hannibal in love with me?” YES, YOU STUPID MAN!)

"Achilles lamenting the death of Patroclus. Whenever he's mentioned in the Iliad, Patroclus seems to be defined by his empathy." "He became Achilles on the field of war. He died for him there, wearing his armor." "He did. Hiding and revealing identity is a constant theme throughout the Greek epics." "As are battle-tested friendships." "Achilles wished all Greeks would die, so that he and Patroclus could conquer Troy alone. Took divine intervention to bring them down." Tome-wan, 00:40:22-00:41:07.

In the end, Will and Hannibal are so incredibly complex, they are written so that they literally defy definition und do not fit into a mold. I could not even say that Hannibal feels intense love for Will. I’m not even sure that Hannibal is able to feel love at all - same with Will - or rather how they feel love.

But they see each other for what they are.

"Time did reverse. The teacup that I shattered there did come together. A place was made for Abigail in your world... You understand? A place was made for all of us, together. I wanted to surprise you. And you... you wanted to surprise me. I let you know me. See me. I gave you a rare gift. But you didn't want it." “Didn’t I?” Mizumono, 00:36:15-00:37:18.

 [honorable mentions]

the baby trap: "Who knows Abigail better than you and I? Or burden she bears. We are her fathers now. We have to serve her better than Garrett Jacob Hobbs."

the ogling: “Are you feeling paternal, Will?”

conclusion

Hannibal did not love Alana. She was an esteemed colleague but in the end, she was a means to an end. She was there to give him an alibi. He manipulated her.

Hannibal surely once was in love with Bedelia, maybe even loves her still but is not IN love with her anymore. I would say he took her to Italy for the love that once was there – for old time’s sake.

Will is ‘Blackbeard’s last wife’. He and Hannibal just have an unprecedented understanding for each other. Hannibal wanted a future with Will.

So, no, Hannibal was not in love with Alana and Bedelia, or at least not in the same way he was with Will.

[I want to note here that both Bedelia and Will often behave in a way that Hannibal would consider rude and he turns a blind eye to it. All this to say, if it had ended with Bedelia, Will and Hannibal as a throuple, Hannibal wouldn’t have had a peaceful day in his life ever again.]

[fryday]

Ok you don’t need to post this if you don’t want cause I don’t want to start any more discourse, but I think you’re totally fine with the phouse analysis. Dan and Phil have publicly shared all this knowing that people will analyze it, which to me means they don’t really care.

I also just checked the transcript of BIG and I didn’t find anything he said about floorplan analysis or anything like that. He did say “don’t invade my privacy, you creepy stalkers” but he wasn’t talking about floorplans at all, as he never mentioned anything to do with that. He was more talking about people trying to expose that he wasn’t straight which uhhhh… He also said he knows most people wanted what’s best for him and didn’t have malicious intent and that his defensive messages were to contain the speculations about his sexuality until he was ready to deal with it. (This was all around 25:00-27:00 btw) There were definitely instances of people who went too far back then (going to their actual apartment, approaching their family members, etc) but just analyzing their floorplan isn’t one of them.

Anyway I don’t think you were creepy at all, I think you’re totally fine! Like I said you don’t have to post this but I just didn’t want you to feel bad or guilty when you didn’t do anything wrong!

ok hello it's the next day and i have (a) energy, (b) much more perspective. firstly thank you to everyone who wrote to me about this (both here and in the notes) for being lovely people; i did not expect such an outpouring of support about this thing, not to mention actual fact-checking from the first anon (!! you went through the transcript!!) so really thank you for this. i assure you i didn't feel too bad about it all really, because i know making mistakes is inevitable and it's just about how you deal with it and then move on, but all your responses definitely helped give me the perspective i have today — which is that, yeah, maybe it wasn't really a big deal after all.

long explanation: i wasn't digging into private info dnp themselves hadn't personally shared, and also - almost all the information i got was from very well-known and loved moments from well-known and loved videos on their channels. 😭 e.g. the cat tile, the closet features, etc. i think it paints a more dramatic & "creepy" picture of me if you imagined me scouring the archives or something for one mention of a word here and a reflection of a room feature there - when in reality it was just me reading people saying "it can't be the phedroom" and thinking to myself "really?? but i remember seeing this in dan's instastory. and didn't phil say that in dan is leaving me?". all very obvious things that i'm 100% certain other people would have thought of without me.

ANYWAY. that being said, i understand different people have different levels of comfort with this kind of thing, and i just really don't have an interest in stirring/engaging with drama anywhere in life, let alone my fandom happy place. the post is gone now. i admit my decision to delete it was a panic decision, but in the end of the day it did upset someone, and now it's done anyway, so i'm going to leave it at that.

i don't want to make this a big deal or anything, so let's let it go after this. thanks! <3

[mariacallous]

On the night of January 13, 2020, a Kemerovo man named Vladislav Kanyus brutally murdered his 23-year-old ex-girlfriend, Vera Pekhteleva. For hours, neighbors listened to Pekhteleva scream in agony and repeatedly called the police, but by the time officers arrived, she was dead. Kanyus was sentenced to 17 years in prison, while the officers on duty were convicted of criminal negligence and sentenced to probation. But earlier this month, Pekhteleva’s mother learned that her daughter’s killer had been recruited from prison to fight in the war in Ukraine — and was subsequently pardoned by Vladimir Putin. The independent journalists’ cooperative Bereg spoke with Vera Pekhteleva’s mother, Oksana Pekhteleva. With their permission, Meduza has translated the interview into English.

This June, human rights activists and the media started reporting that Vladislav Kanyus may have been released early. When and how did you learn about this?

I found out through social networks; it was all sent to me by friends of friends since I don’t believe in using social media. At first, we [the Pekhtelev family] thought it was fake. [The fact that he was released in April] was kept from us; they didn’t tell us.

In one document [that we received in response to a request to] the Defense Ministry, they said that [Kanyus] wasn’t listed in their ranks — this was, if I’m not mistaken, on July 17 of this year. A little later, another document came, stating that he’d agreed to participate in military operations and had joined the ranks [of the Russian army]. The third document we received said that his criminal record had been expunged. The date of the pardon was April 27, and we only learned about it two days ago.

How did your family react when it was confirmed that Kanyus has been pardoned?

I found out from my ex-husband, my child’s father. The prosecutor’s office sent a response to his complaint and, of course, he forwarded it to me. We were in shock, both Yevgeny Pekhtelev and I. We’re still dismayed. How could this happen?

I’m anxious, it’s very hard for me now. There’s a tremendous siege of journalists, and I don’t like it very much. I would really like the [press] to spread our misfortune as widely as possible but to leave out any statements and comments about our government. I’m so exposed right now that tomorrow they could easily charge me for my negative attitude towards my homeland. I’m not going to comment [on this issue].

When messages started appearing last year about prisoners being recruited to participate in the war, did you think that Kanyus could be among them?

Initially, the thought didn't even cross my mind. I was raised in the Soviet Union; my father is an officer, a lieutenant colonel in the armed forces, a military veteran. I grew up in an educated family; we were always taught to respect the country where we live. And, naturally, we believed we couldn’t be betrayed.

There was information — perhaps in the media — that criminals convicted of particularly serious crimes weren’t taken to war. At least, that’s what they told us Russian citizens. I believed it until I was faced with… I don’t know what to call it.

And I’m not alone — believe me, there are at least hundreds of mothers like me. We live in different corners of our vast homeland. Some are afraid [to go public], some don’t want to, some have given up, and some, because of the statute of limitations, no longer have the physical, yes, and emotional strength.

I’m a very strong woman and a strong person. I understand that this is tilting at windmills, that it will lead to nothing. I feel it. No one will hear us, no one will help us. Absolutely all state media are silent — because they’re not allowed [to write about us], no one has given them the green light. And the so-called armchair commentators will be divided into two groups again. [One side will write,] “I’m sick of this, how much can you [keep thinking about this crime],” and the other half will say that something needs to be done, some effort needs to be made [to put the criminal back in prison].

I believe that the news will resonate with people, but things will stay where they are because we’ve already been through the Supreme Court. And the president’s office has already given us an answer: he pardoned the murderer, the torturer, the monster.

Human rights activist Alena Popova, citing you, wrote that Kanyus was sent to the front even before the cassation [high court appeal] process was complete. How did the hearing go in the end?

It was like a video conference: the murderer didn’t attend the court session, but he signed a document stating that he didn’t object to the proceedings taking place without his presence. Everything went smoothly: we were declined on all counts, politely dismissed — and that was the end of the court session.

I wouldn’t even be surprised if [Kanyus] gets awarded a medal. That would be the most egregious slap in the face — both for me and for hundreds of thousands of women, of families with good kids who are supposed to fulfill their duty of dying [in the war]. And these scoundrels, these leeches, [choosing to go from prison to the front] just to avoid punishment, will walk next to us on our land and also secretly beat, kill, and rape. I just don’t understand who let them get weapons in their hands.

Did you speak with Kanyus during the court proceedings? Did he or his family try to contact you during the trial or after the sentence?

I don’t even want to waste time discussing the family of my child’s murderer — that’s the first thing. Secondly, no one, in fact, gave us the right to talk to him. And how do you imagine this: the mother of a murdered child conversing with the devil? Why would I need him, when I couldn’t even stand to look at him! We communicated through our proxies — a lawyer from his side, a lawyer from our side, nothing more. I don’t want to talk about that scum, that monster. He’s inhuman. I don’t want to and I won’t. I’ll say one thing: that scum is free, and my child has been in the grave for three years.

What do you plan to do next? Will you seek Kanyus’s imprisonment again? And do your lawyers believe this is possible?

I have faith that this is possible — hope, as they say, dies last. But I’m a realist. I’m a pretty educated person, and I keep track of what’s going on in the world. If they decide now to demonstratively send this maniac and pervert back to prison, imagine what the fallout will be. We’re showing mercy and granting freedom to all [inmates] for participating in military service with one hand, and meanwhile, with the other hand, we’re pushing people back into prison who, believe me, do not want to be there. I don’t think it’s politically necessary or appropriate.

We simply found ourselves in this situation through our own misfortune. If it weren’t for the war, [Kanyus] wouldn’t have gone anywhere — he would still be in prison right now. But I have faith. There’s such a thing as divine retribution — the only thing I want is for it to catch up with him. And I don’t care how it happens.

[indira-korr]

Hiiiii, how about 9, 27, 43, 57 for Red?

Hiiiii friend 🙋 Thank you for the ask. I was planning to get a better feel for Red, and this is perfect, because I can't answer all these off the top of my head. Time to start thinking.

Here is the OC ask game

[9] What is their love language? 

As expected, I did some overthinking on this one. When I hear love language, I have to think of these joke posts about something like “Clone XY is so emotionally repressed, grumbled insults are his love language. Lol” and so on. In that sense, beating the crap out of someone who was mean to Fawkes would be Red's love language. But that's just so very superficial and not really true either. I wanted to look at it more closely, and it turns out, Love languages are a real thing that people know about with different categories 😅 Ooos, I guess I missed that. I thought it was just about how someone shows their affection and love, but apparently it's the other way around and more about what they like to receive.

Then I took an online quiz for Red (and also Fawkes cause I was curious)

Red notices Fawkes' seeming dislike for physical contact and refrains at first, but quickly realizes, that it's different with people he really trusts. So there's definitely more hugging and touching even before they get together. Red appreciates that.

[27] Do they have any scars, how did they get them and how do they feel about them? 

I think Red has quite a few scars, considering he's an almost first gen clone and gets into a lot of physical altercations (I actually listed his “rap sheet” in a previous post). I just haven't exactly decided where most of them are exactly. Scattered on his body somewhere I guess. He sees most of them as natural wear and tear, not unlike scratches on his armor. 

But the only definitive scar he has is the one on his left eyebrow.

In Part Two - En Route I mention its origin. Here's a snippet

Red had met Patch a few months ago, when he’d almost lost his left eye after a near hit by a grenade. The shock wave had shattered Red's T-Visor and shards of it had buried themselves in his face. Patch’s quick and steady hands were the reason he only had a scar on his eyebrow instead of a gaping hole for an eye—well, that and the bacta patches the medic had swiped from the medbay and kept hidden for emergencies. Whenever possible, Red would get him a few of the unused medical supplies after each mission for his secret stash, instead of returning all of it to medical storage. With this emergency supply, Patch had been able to save more than a few troopers from certain death or permanent disability, who would otherwise have been declared hopeless causes and sent back to be decommissioned. 

Unlike the other scars, this one is a reminder that blindly following orders isn't always in the best interest of his fellow clones or the Republic. He is loyal to the Republic, but sometimes feels that his superiors may not always make the best decisions to win this war. Remember that part where the Kaminoan's modified the regs to be less defiant and headstrong than Jango? Guess what's affected by Red's mutations. 😬🤷

[43] Do they enjoy flirting or being flirted with? 

Oh, absolutely not. He tries to hide it and to be casual in his initial rejections, but any kind advances make him extremely uncomfortable. He's never really processed and come to terms with being sexually abused as a cadet. And anyone who won't take No for an answer is immediately and violently dealt with. A lot of his aggressive behavior and image of being a badass is a defense mechanism. He still is a badass, but he also needs that reputation to feel in control. Have I mentioned yet that he really needs therapy? 

I guess, after he's been with Fawkes for a while and starts being more comfortable, he'll feel less threatened and can be a bit more relaxed.

[57] What was the most stupid or dangerous thing they have ever done? 

Wow, where do I even start? 😅 He's done so many things that could result in immediate death (mostly by decommissioning 🫣). May I direct your attention to his “rap sheet” again. And then there's the dangerous missions he goes on. He once used an escape pod that was burning up in a planet's atmosphere to gain stealthy access (with a winged jet pack) to a station over Bespin, only to blow up the repulsors to have it crash and be crushed in the planet’s lower atmosphere. And without having a planned means of escape. That dude is crazy. 

I posted some artwork and a fun little comic page for that mission almost two years ago. 

But I wouldn't consider any of this stupid. The stupidest thing might be teaming up with another cadet for some breaking and entering into the quarters of a Kaminoan to take a dump on their pillow. In their defense, the longneck in question once said that Red’s batch had been ‘an embarrassing display of imperfection that should have been completely eradicated'. I mean… that's just rude. 

But yeah, it was a stupid thing to risk being caught for. It was after his training sergeant mysteriously disappeared 🫣, and Red felt a bit too bold. In his defense, the other cadet (who'll become ARC Trooper Blaze, a total macho poser) totally egged him on. Such a bad influence 😅

[the-furthest-city-light]

Writing Patterns Tag Game

Rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there’s a pattern!

I was tagged for this by @sciencemyfiction and it looks super fun! I am going to cheat a little bit tho and post only from my One Piece fics as I haven't published anything else since 2018 and I think the writing sample will be more representative of my current styl

Flotsam and Jetsam

"When Big Mom's crew arrives on Zou, Sanji's first thought is, Damn, we didn't fuck 'em up enough before?"

Here I am cheating AGAIN because this line is actually from chapter 2 of Flotsam and Jetsam, "Instead of the Cross, the Albatross," but IN MY DEFENSE it's the only chapter of that fic that was meant to be its own standalone fic. The rest of those chapters are just things I didn't want to consign forever to the desolation of my scrapped file.

2. Found in the Crack of Your Palm

"'Oi, Luffy,' Zoro calls.  He punctuates his bid for Luffy’s attention by toeing his hip with his heavy boot."

3. New Seas Ahead (chapter 1)

“Oh come on.  Please?”

4. spill your wine

"Zoro’s had a shower and a nap and three platefuls of food before the scent of his new captain really hits him."

5. Same Song, Different Verse

"The first time Zoro sees Monkey D. Lucy, the sky is a hard, clear blue and the earth is packed dense beneath his feet."

6. New Seas Ahead (chapter 28)

"How is she doing that though?”

“It’s a mystery, Usopp.”

“She’s like a human trash compactor…”

7. New Seas Ahead (chapter 27)

"The oniwabanshu should have an easier time following them in the snow, but they don’t see another attack after Hakumai."

8. New Seas Ahead (chapter 26)

"When he wakes up, Zoro’s surprisingly not feeling like complete shit."

9. New Seas Ahead (chapter 25)

"Tama turns out to be fine, which is a relief.  And she eats the oshiruko well when they convince her to actually accept it."

10. New Seas Ahead (chapter 24)

"Are we there yet?"

I was actually super nervous to do this because hooks and opening lines are not my strong suit as a writer. My thoughts about the above are pretty much what I already knew. I have a tendency to set the place of any given scene before anything else. It's present even at the start of fics/scenes where the lines aren't explicitly about the sense of place or setting, and I usually accomplish this by calling reference to some time or place that the reader, as a One Piece fan, will undoubtedly be very familiar with and will instantly be able to recall the wheres and whens of the given scene.

In part this is intentional because in the Fair Winds and Following seas series specifically I jump over or outright skip certain events and catching the reader up to where we are now as efficiently as possible is important. HOWEVER, I definitely have a tendency to over-rely on this strategy, which is something I'm definitely thinking about and considering as I've been writing some original fiction!

Alternatively, four of the above entries begin with outright dialogue which is, funnily enough, my least favorite way to start a scene. I usually do it for the sake of a joke and to set the tone and sometimes place which all of the above entries are with the exception of "Found in the Crack of Your Palm." Also Usopp is the one speaking in both 3 and 6. Probably because I try to include his dialogue wherever possible in Fair Winds because I struggle to insert him into the plot and he's good at setting a mood.

I do think the "best" of these opening lines are from "Same Song, Different Verse," and also "spill your wine." Both of them do the thing where I'm establishing place but they also manage to tie in some important sensory information which becomes thematic as their respective fics go on. Food for thought.

Thanks for tagging me, Dev! I'm tagging @faggotzoro, @acewithapaintbrush, @thricepiercedpirate, @thychesters and @zaharya!

[arl3kinka]

Hello :D do you have any p1 Dude headcanons?

hi hi.

oh boy, I thought I had a few, but after I sat down to write them just realized I might have a bit too much more than what I’ve expected, haha.

POSTAL 1 DUDE; headcanons

first of all! some headcanons make reference of how he was before the first game, so trying to apply them to the guy who’s terrified, sitting on the floor while hugging his gun would be pretty useless

also, if instead of a hyphen there’s a star it’s to address DID in Dude (I don’t have DID myself and I’m not close to somebody who has DID, all I know is from research I’ve done myself, so if there’s something wrong please tell me.

if you’re not into the DID idea just ignore the stars.

anyway, here we go:

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— Before what happened in 1997 I think he was still a disaster, but a bit more functional.

I’m not gonna dig a lot into how he was while growing up, but he’s an only child that comes from a christian yet dysfunctional family, so after he finally had enough saved money and the legal age he moved to another city (not Paradise) to start again and never looked back, probably with a bit of help coming from Uncle Dave, the only family member that cared about him.

★ P2’s been with him since he was a kid/pre-teen. P1 doesn’t really knows who or what P2 is and at first is pretty much afraid, thinking he’s a demon of some kind. But after a while and seeing how he stands up for him (when he’s unable to defend himself, make friends, etc) and he’s not really trying to harm him he relaxes for a bit.

— He’s always been pretty much a loner, but not to the point to isolate himself completely. He had a tiny group of friends who were also as “weird” as he was who were also into the alternative/goth subculture. Those were probably the best years of his life.

But still, following the last point, I also think he’s one of those people that when they feel bad they isolate themselves for some time and then come back like nothing happened. It usually worked, until it didn’t.

— I have no idea of where I readed I don’t know if it was the Wiki, TV Tropes, in a reddit comment or somewhere else but I think that during the development of “Postal” the Postal Dude was around 27 years old. I don’t know if it’s true, but I’ll go with that.

And, to add some more flavor, I don’t remember if it was Tumblr or Reddit, but somebody had the headcanon that the 14 of November, the day the first game begins, it’s also the Postal Dude’s birthday.

I can’t remember who had such a good idea but I love it way too much, I love angst with all my heart so now it’s my headcanon too.

(if I see the original headcanon again I’ll give credits to the person)

— [ tw // mentions of drugs ] Definitely smokes both cigarettes and weed, but the last one just from time to time. Has tried acid or mushrooms but rather stick to weed.

He hasn’t done crack or anything too heavy, not before 1997.

— He has little to no idea of how to cook. He can do some basic stuff to survive, and he has tried following a recipe in the past, but it’s definitely not his best . Not like he enjoys it either.

— His body: pretty tall. He has a bit of a complex with his height, finding clothes of his size can be complicated and it’s a bit awkward too.

His body is a bit built (he does some work out because of the idea that somebody can attack him at any moment is enough to make him try to learn some self defense alone in his room). Compared to P2 he's has more corporal mass, but not as much as P3 would have. He's an in between. Not skinny but not fat either.

He’s also pretty pale. Not because he can’t get tanned or anything, but because he would rather go out when the sun is already setting or during night or, in general, prefers to stay at his house.

In general he’s one of those people you see on the street and catch your attention: it’s not always that you see a really tall guy with long ginger hair.

— He doesn’t cut his hair because he likes how it looks on him but also because he’s too lazy (and anxious) to go to a hairdresser. He sometimes cuts it himself, and since he has no idea there have been times it ends up disastrous, but since I think his hair is a bit wavy it doesn’t look really bad.

He also doesn’t maintains it really well, he only uses shampoo and, maybe, one of those 3 in one bottles and that’s all. If it’s really cold he dries it with the hairdryer, but rarely does so.

— His handwriting is HORRIBLE. Not like if it’s like hieroglyphics, you can read it, but it’s just really ugly (the diary/war journal entries is how he writes, but since he was pretty stressed and scared it’s a bit more agitated). Also makes too much pressure, not to the point of ripping of the paper but you can feel it on the other face of the sheet surface if you brush it with your hand.

Likes to write for himself, it’s therapeutic and the best way to cope, the less harmful to himself too.

— Following the last point he also likes to make some doodles, especially when bored. Nothing too serious though, the typical thing you do when you’re in class bored and you only have a pen in hand and a paper. You’ll see plenty of them that decorate his notes and diaries. They’re a bit chaotic, his traces being a bit messy.

— If he was accepted in RWS he might have some knowledge about the videogame industry or related. Not sure of what, probably graduated in some studies about it. Maybe a programmer? I dunno.

— Definitely neurodivergent. Either autistic or ADHD. Or both.

His main interests being weapons, movies and videogames. Predilect genres? Terror and horror. He’s not much of a reader though.

On a side note, easily overwhelmed with people he’s not close with touching him (or in general, he’s not opposed to it but would rather if the other person asked for permission) and large crowds, and the main reason he wears he started wearing sunglasses it’s because sensitivity to bright lights.

Still, he’s undiagnosed so he has no clue why he’s like that and why can’t he be normal, sometimes thinking he’s a bit dramatic. His group of friends also had other neurodivergent people who he could rely on so he didn’t feel that bad after all.

— He hated going to clubs for that same reason, even the more alt ones. Too much noise and people. He probably went there because of his friends and enjoyed it for a little while, but would’ve rather been doing anything else.

★ P2 liked it more than him, so when they made plans with their friends he was the one who was in control most part of the time.

— He’s the kind of person that I think would listen to pretty much everything, but definitely his favorite genre is hard rock and metal and its sub-genres: goth metal, black metal, grunge, industrial, you name it. Maybe nu metal it’s not really his thing.

Still, he jams pretty much everything so you could catch him singing a Spicegirls song and he would deny it with his life.

★ It’s in fact P2 who prefers nu metal and wouldn’t care what he’s listening to. Would probably tease P1 about it though.

P2: “You’re listening to Madonna? I thought you didn’t liked pop”

P1: “...shut it”

p2: “Whatever you say edgelord… "LIKE A VIRGIN JUST, LIKE THE VERY FIRST TIME- ♪"”

— He’s bisexual, but still in the closet and pretty deep in there. He has done a few things with other guys but nothing too serious or further than making out probably. Partly because he has some internalized homophobia from the family he comes from (in himself! would never judge or care is one of his close ones was in the queer community) and because generally he sucks at dating.

★ Again, P2 is more open about it than him, and probably the one who had those interactions with other guys, but since P1 was not really uncomfortable with the subject he never went too far.

P2 tried to talk to him about it, but P1 just refuses.

— Also, how did I forgot to mention this? Religious trauma.

Now, he has a weird relationship with his christianity and beliefs, his morals, and how he views himself since he was teached to be a good christian, and he kinda wants to be good at the eyes of God, but at the same time he’s into too many stuff his parents told him they were satanic and bad. He has mixed emotions about it, it’s like he wants to let it go, but he’s unable to do so.

To him the cross he carries around his neck is not for the aesthetic, but he’s not because he’s a good christian either. And when he’s feeling at his worst? It’s like a dog collar, reminding him how all the trauma his family beliefs have harmed him, but at the same time he cannot let it go for some reason. It’s like an abusive relationship both with himself and with his religion, if he even believes in it. It’s complicated to understand? He’s just as confused as you are.

Maybe the problem it’s not the religion itself, maybe it was his family and now because of them he can’t really feel comfortable praying (even if he sometimes finds himself doing so on the nights of rough days) or having a normal relationship with his christianity. Whatever it is, he’s traumatized.

★ And P2 doesn't helps either. He just does not cares about it and when he sees P1 having a breakdown about it, knowing how hard the subject is for him, just prefers to not to get involved, because, anyways, what can he do to help him? He just does not know either, it’s something he has to resolve himself. He cannot help him in everything.

P1 sometimes has called P2 a demon during his attacks, and even if he just ignores it it’s true that it can get annoying after all the times he has tried to help him, and every time they had a fight about it P1 ended up worse, so P2 decided to not get involved any more time for that too.

— I think he’s both shy and introverted, but don’t misinterpret me; not shy in a cute bean who gets all nervous and blushy. No. More in the staring at the person like if he was a deer in front of the lights of a car type of shyness, trying not to get too nervous, and after a few seconds he responds to whatever that person said or asked, hoping it wasn’t too cringy or awkward. He usually gets like that when he’s interested in a person (doesn’t matter if it’s platonic or romantic) and doesn’t want them to get weirded out by him

More introverted than shy, that’s for sure.

— If he’s having a good day his neutral face just looks tired, in his worst I doubt anybody would be able to get to see him because in those days he locks himself in his house and refuses to go out, but if it’s the case (probably the clerk of a shop because he ran out of food) it’s a mix of anger and fear (mainly due paranoia and hallucinations, trying to put and angry face to make the others don’t bother him).

— He could be INFJ (Ni Fe Ti Se) or INTJ (Ni Te Fi Se). If that was the case I think it would be due to Se grip.

I could go more into details because I really enjoy MBTI and see how its functions work on fictional characters.

★ Not the same as P2 of course, but that's a story for another day.

— Pretty much stoic, but on the inside? A mess of emotions he does not know how to untangle correctly. He can get emotional when he’s alone, but that’s a part nobody would ever see of him. He’s not going to let anybody see him in such a vulnerable and weak state.

— Now, returning to the main point. I could really go into details of what or why I think it could have happened for him to literally go postal, but I think the main point is that he moved to Paradise trying to escape from his life. And you may ask “but you said those were the happiest years of his life!” yep, completely, but there can be a few things that alone could have been bad but tolerable, but too many of them make them unbearable: maybe he distanced himself from his friends, had to move somewhere cheaper because of money, his mental health going downhill, etc.

The thing is, he moved to Paradise, and it was probably his worst mistake.

Uncle Dave lived there, that’s why he chose that city, but even with that he had almost no contact with him besides the first few days? He was on his own, alone again.

— Ironically, I think he actually worked for a post office. It’s the only job he could find.

— Both his physical and mental state got way worse. He’s never been a really healthy person, but still tried to take care of himself at least a bit. Going out only when heavily necessary and, after a while, not even going to work anymore. That's when he really ran out of money and got the terrifying letter: he got evicted of his “safe place”. Was his house even a safe place at this point? He couldn’t feel safe anywhere anymore.

He could have called Uncle Dave, but at this point? He was just so disconnected with reality he didn’t know what to do.

★ P2 saw him fall and had no idea of what to do at this point. He was tired of trying to help him so he just ignored. P1 felt so bad that, even if he find P2 annoying at times it was the last thing he needed, the last familiar thing he had disappeared hurts him to the core.

— [ tw // mentions of self-harm ] Even if writing in his journal really helped him to calm down during bad days it doesn’t mean he didn’t do other more harmful things to himself when he was at his worst. Before moving to Paradise he handled it better, he was able to tone it down pretty much since he moved from his parent’s house, but after everything got so overwhelming again? He doesn’t know any better. And the worst part of it? Finds it both comforting and thinks that he deserves all this suffering. For everything. For moving away from his parents, maybe they were right after all. For being a bad christian, God, if he hasn’t done it already, would probably turn his back the day he has to pass Heaven's gates. For after being so happy and having friends and thinking he was getting better and how he throwed all out the windows. It’s all his fault, and he knows it, but he can’t bring himself to do anything, not even therapy, and cannot call his friends. Nothing. The world’s still going on without him. He just feels like when he was a kid, but worse.

★ And here’s where he appears: the Other Dude (to me not the same as P3). He’s shows him his most intrusive thoughts, those who make him feel sick. OD slowly persuaded him to do horrible things not to himself, but the others. He’s twisted and manipulated everything, every little hope he had. P1 confused P2 with OD at this point, and was the one who made P1 get out of his house after a really long time, but with a gun in his hand, ready to kill everybody who made him feel so miserable and worthless. At this point he’s just gone.

At first, ironically, P2 tried to get in the middle of it, a bit confused of what or who OD was. Why he was so similar to himself? How long has he been there? But even OD persuaded him at some point.

Both P1 and P2 were tired of the way they were living and feeling. So why not change it?

I’m not sure who’s the one who got out of the house ready to cause a massacre, if P1, P2 or OD, but the thing is they all agreed at some point.

— I know this is going to be a bit weird, but I don’t think the whole game stages are real? It sounds weird, but let me explain: you really think a guy who has been locked inside his house for so long, having horrible hallucinations, almost no sleep (and if he had any, probably full of nightmares), not taking care of himself is really going to go too far? It does not matter how many weapons he may carry, it’s practically impossible.

Maybe the first 2 or 3 stages, but not much more before the police/militars/whoever it was got him at some point. The others only happened in his head, his mind going ahead of him, overthinking, and lately, his guilt getting over him.

By this I’m not saying he’s less of a horrible person, he did what he did and it’s sickening, it does not matter how bad he was feeling, killing people who have nothing to do with you and your problems is not the answer. Even if they were the cause, it’s not the solution.

— Leaving aside that all the “Postal” games are usually a parodies of real life and black humor (asides from the first game and “Postal Redux”) and taking it for something more serious, I don’t think “Postal Dude” it’s the name of the Postal Dude.

It was a nickname given both by the survivors of the massacre and the media.

— Also, after what he did he was everywhere. In the newspapers, in the TV, in the radio. That’s how Uncle Dave and the group of friends he had back in the city he lived before found out. But how could he? He was such a nice, quiet guy… he wouldn’t hurt a fly!

His group of friends, who since he moved without saying anything, didn’t pick up their calls and in general ignored them and decided it was for the best to just let it be.

Uncle Dave, on the other side he was worried. What the hell happened during all those years they were separated? It couldn’t be something he decided overnight, there had to be something more, right?

— He got his hair shaved at the asylum. After that he didn’t had it that long in his whole life.

— He got locked in the asylum, and being locked in there, alone again with his thoughts, it was dead of him. Metaphorically speaking.

★ P1 went dormant, refusing to think of what he has done, or at least accepted to do. He couldn't take all that blame, it was impossible. Every time he remembers it he wants to puke. He now really want to be dead. There’s no way he can redeem himself from that, God definitely has abandoned him. OD also disappeared. He just provoked all of this and now what? He accomplished what he wanted, where is he? He bring out the worst part of P1, was he trying to corrupt him and breaking him was not in the plan or was the plan breaking him from the start?

Whatever it was left P2 alone, also feeling guilty of what he has done. He does not feel as bad as P1 but he also cannot feel happy as OD probably feels. What they’ve done it’s horrible, but how OD manipulated them to do it? Even worse. Even for P2 whose morality is more gray-ish than P1s.

He hates it, he’s locked in there with the hallucinations and barely speaks to P1 because he’s completely broken and refuses to do so. Now it’s the other way around. He’s growing resentful to him too for that, they’re both cupid, can he at least make him some company? Like he did when P1 was a child too? It’s unfair.

He has something clear though: if OD ever shows his ass again he will NOT let get on him like he did. And even if he’s annoyed at P1, not even him.

— After some time Uncle Dave brings himself to visit him. At first it was so grim. Dude felt so horrible for his actions he couldn’t bring himself to even look at him, but after some more visits, therapy and meds he started to light up a really tiny bit. It was something.

★ It was not really him, P1 was pretty much not wanting to know anything from the external world, it was P2 who decided to take the lead. P1 didn’t wanted to live anymore? Fine, he would take his chance then. To live the life he never could since he’s always been on P1 mind, rarely being the one in control.

Maybe he was pretending, or maybe he genuinely wanted to get better, but the thing was: he wanted to get out of there, if there was a chance to do so, he would try it. At first do what the workers said, and if that didn’t work he would escape. He does not care. He wants to try to live.

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okay I got a bit too carried away- I’m sorry-

hope you liked them! I’m not really skilled nor do I have practice when it comes to creating headcanons about characters even if I have a few ideas.

I’m thinking about posting a few more in a future,, but school work is killing me-

[silver-tooth-the-panther]

Half-Demon! Tanjiro AU

Chapter 14:

Doctor’s Notes

Warnings: Discussions of mental health, child abuse, and mental breakdowns

Word Count: 3167

11/27/1923 - First Thoughts

Tomorrow, I will start my therapy sessions with the demons, well now "half-demons." Through careful planning, I've decided to interview Rui first. Reason being that he's a child demon. I don't really hold much animosity towards him since he was probably manipulated by the former king, Muzan Kibutsuji.

In all honesty, I'm not too eager for these sessions. It's not that I think they'll attack me. If they do, I've got my sword always on my hip, so I'll always be ready. No, that's not why. In reality, I just don't believe that they can change. They've eaten humans, so they've tasted blood before. I have no doubt that they'll be hunting for every opportunity to taste blood again. I can understand why Nezuko would be considered redeemed, but these other demons..I don't know.

The only reason why I agreed to this is because I know Tanjiro needs all the help he needs right now. He's stressed out and my disapproval will only make it worse. There are so many odds against him..I just feel like he could use a break. Besides, maybe some good could come out of this. That's what she would've wanted...

Anyways, tomorrow is going to be an interesting day. I'll keep logging in this journal after every session. For now though, I need to get some rest. Let's hope for the best.

Shinobu Kocho

11/28/1923 - My First Session With Rui

When the spider demon walked into my office today, he looked petrified. I immediately crouched down and asked him why. He said that he thought he was going to be scrutinized or even killed. I didn't know that I scared him that badly. Luckily with some quick reassurance, we were able to continue the session.

The first thing I noticed about the pup was that he looked like he was never satisfied with how things were. Specifically, his kimono. Rui constantly adjusted it, even though it fit him just fine. He also adjusted the soft pad I had him sit on. When I asked him why he did what he did, he told me that "it just didn't feel right." He said that he knew that everything was neat, but something told him that it didn't fit right. This was the first piece of his puzzle.

Next, we took a trip down memory lane. I asked him about his life as a human. This was simple enough. He told me that he had two loving parents, but an incredibly weak body. It was so weak that taking a few steps would exhaust him. That's why Muzan came to him. In a way, I can understand why he would accept his offer. As a doctor, I know that he would've only lasted a few more years if he wasn't converted.

Then, he started to grow upset. Rui told me that his parents tried to kill him because of what he was doing to others - eating people - but they were also going to kill themselves to join him. He didn't realize that and killed them in self defense. It all became clear.

Rui wanted to create a family so he could have a loving relationship once more. I unfortunately can relate to that. Wanting your family back after a terrible accident..One thing threw me off though. Rui was incredibly peculiar about the roles of the family. He even went as far as to plan our roles for the siblings, despite not having any siblings himself. Not to mention, the way he described his parents made it seem like they fit in the traditional roles.

When I asked him about this, he said that "If the family didn't work that way, everything would turn to ruin." He seems like he didn't want everything to fall apart again. As I observed him, I noticed that he felt like terrible things would happen if he didn't do something in a specific way every single time. He told me that he always counted to thirty seconds when he's washing his hands. Rui also told me that if things were organized chaotically, the day would be disastrous.

Furthermore, I can tell that all this change is stressing him out. He interchangeably grasps his hands together, showing that he's clearly nervous and upset. I know that a part of the stress was being interviewed by a Hashira, but the other problem was definitely the changes. As of recently though, there has been a discovery in this field that these traits perfectly fit.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or OCD seems to be what the pup has. His past of having a feeble body makes it worse. With all the pieces I had, I tried to give him some advice. Since his anxiety seems to be incredibly high, I told him that he should try to rest in the small meadow outside the Infinity Castle. The light from the sun will help to soothe him and going or even playing outside might give him the confidence he needs.

Another thing that was necessary to be aware of were his intrusive thoughts. I told him to be aware of the meanings he's assigning to these thoughts. Rui seems to know that these thoughts are distracting, which is a step forward. So, I told him that he needs to disconnect the meaning behind the thoughts. That's the first step to stopping the compulsions.

Looking back on this, I forgot that Rui was a half-demon when we were talking about his OCD. He talked to me like a human child, not a bloodthirsty monster. The pup was genuinely afraid and somber. Nothing about him showed that he was faking his emotions. For the first session, it surprisingly went well. I know that the others won't be easy, but I do hope that they decide to come in.

Shinobu Kocho

11/30/1923 - The Shabana Siblings

Today, two demon siblings came in upon Tanjiro's request. They were the two Uppermost Six demons, Daki and Gyutaro Shabana. I had asked Uzui about them before this session. Despite of what happened at the Entertainment District, he seemed rather nonchalant about them. He did say that they did have a high temper, so I kept my sword at the ready.

What I got were two calm, yet protective siblings. I guess Tanjiro had worked his magic on them. He must've warmed them slightly, enough to have them discuss their pasts. Speaking of which...

I did not expect the Entertainment District to be that hellish. Tengen has told me before that the place was one of the worst places imaginable, but I didn't grasp the full picture until now. Their story was horrific and it was hard not to feel sympathy for them. Everyone left or beat them....strangers, colleagues, even their parents. All they had was each other.

Once again, I felt myself relating to my patients. I even imagined myself in their shoes. What if my sister and I had been abandoned by everyone? What if we were shunned by everyone who should've shown us kindness? What if the only being that showed us grace..was a demon? Would we end up the same? Was this how Kanao felt?

I didn't expect to feel this way, but I still had a job to fulfill. When they finished their narrative, I asked them how they felt now. Gyutaro seemed to be more at ease with himself. He even said that he made friends with a demon named Kerido. From the look of it though, he seems to feel a stronger affection towards the demon.

Daki, on the other hand, seems to be unsure of who she is. I would say that she was immature for her age, but she was converted at thirteen, so it made sense. I will say though, she has my type of humor. A few chuckles came from me when she started teasing her brother. Very unprofessional, I know. I just couldn't help myself.

After their session, they did seem to be at ease. Maybe having someone to talk to made them feel better. I wish I could do the same...Once again, another strange, calm session. I know it won't be like this forever, so I'm still prepared. Tanjiro telepathically spoke to me a few hours after the session, which felt odd. He told me that the Hantengu clones would be coming in the next few days. I'm not really sure what to expect, but I'm prepared for whatever is in store.

Shinobu Kocho

12/05/1923 - The Hantengu Clones

They all arrived at once, which overwhelmed me at first. Luckily, I was able to organize it rather quickly. I decided to interview them from who I suspected to be the easiest to the most difficult. So, Karaku, the clone of pleasure, was the best choice.

One thing I should add is that I actually had Mitsuri's help with these sessions. She discovered her Blood Demon Art yesterday and we both thought it would be rather useful. Basically, she can create a mist from her heart-shaped marks that soothes everyone who's around her. With no surprise, she came to me and offered her help. I am glad that I'm not the only one who's willing to help with this project.

Karaku wasn't really difficult to work with. He had a rather relaxed personality, which was nice. There was a strange oddity about his past though. He didn't remember hardly anything about his childhood, nor about the crimes that Hantengu had committed during his human life. He vaguely remembered stealing, I guess it gave him some pleasure. Most of his memories come from his teen years and his demon years. This just struck me as odd when we talked.

Another oddity that came up was that Karaku wasn't just his particular emotion. He had a whole personality! Karaku is a very relaxed, laid back, and oddly flirty character, but he's also lazy, slightly whiny, and prideful. I was expecting him to just represent his emotion and that was it, but I got more than I expected. So, I kept my eyes open while having the sessions with the other clones.

Urogi, the clone of joy, was up next. He was surprisingly sweet and, not so surprisingly, hyper. While we were talking, the bird demon couldn't sit still. He rocked back and forth at times and messed with the objects surrounding him at other times. To most people, this may seem like he doesn't care about what your saying. I, on the other hand, beg to differ. Reason being is because when I confronted him about it, he looked rather upset and disappointed in himself. He apologized profusely for it. Clearly, he's been scolded for it before.

Now for what he may have? I do have an idea. A while ago, I remember reading a paper that was written by a British pediatrician in 1902. There, he described an occurrence in certain children that resulted in difficulty focusing, forgetfulness, and hyperactivity. Despite this, the children were still shown to be intelligent. Therefore in my mind, he should not be treated unfairly for his behavior.

Similar to Karaku, he doesn't remember anything from Hantengu's childhood. Instead, Urogi remembers games he played with his friends during his teen years. However, most of his memories are of his demon life. As I expected, Urogi never took any of the fights he had to deal with seriously. He just wanted to play games and have fun. I can understand that.

Along with that, Urogi also mentioned that there has been tension amongst his "brothers", which is how he refers to the clones. When I questioned him, Urogi said that the transformation into Zohakuten is extremely painful, both physically and mentally. During that time, all the clones are flooded with terrible hatred and vague memories of people's wrath.

He told me that Sekido was the one who initiated the transformation. However, Urogi said he understood why Sekido did it, but he wished that they could talk about it. I hope that I can help them with their tension. None of us want them to be torn apart.... It reminds me of someone.

Anyway, I managed to cheer him up by the end-which wasn't hard-and he left with a wide smile on his face. Now I didn't need to have Mitsuri use her abilities for the first two clones, but..we did have to use it for the next clone. Aizetsu, the clone of sorrow, walked in with an emotionally tired expression. I'll be honest. The first time I saw him, I did feel rather sympathetic for him.

This session brought so many pieces to the puzzle. Unlike the other clones, he remembered Hantengu's childhood. Aizetsu spoke softly as he told me the many horror stories from his childhood.

To say that I was sickening would be an understatement. According to Aizetsu, Hentengu lived in a single parent household. That parent being his cruel father. He was an alcoholic, short-tempered man who frequently beat his son whenever he didn't get his way. Hantengu's father threw away any toy that annoyed him and often kept him locked up inside for weeks as "punishment". Dragging his son by the hair, Hantengu's father often convicted him that he was narcissistic for forgetting simple things or didn't do things his way.

Aizetsu trembled as he spoke of fear and sorrow. He remembered craving love and he never received it. His mother was never there, his father was abusive, and he never had any friends. Hantengu feared for his life for he was too weak at the time to do anything about it. That was when Aizetsu broke.

He began to sob into his hands as he recalled all the pain he went through. I immediately tried to soothe him with breathing tactics. This did virtually nothing as he only sobbed harder. Backup was needed. Mitsuri released the mist from her marks. I held his hands as he breathed in the mist.

Just like how Mitsuri described it, Aizetsu was slowly soothed. He wiped away his tears as his breathing slowly regained normality. As his therapist, I had to help him. With a soft voice, I told him that he doesn't have to worry anymore. No one will hurt him here. He was safe.

Aizetsu smiled at me as he listened. He told me that he was never really a fighter. Whenever they were called for battle, he never wanted to actually hurt anyone. Honestly, I can see that. The way he acts is incredibly gentle and soft. I wasn't surprised by any of this news. However, he did confirm what Urogi was saying, except he felt the pain on a much larger scale.

I'm not going to lie. I was rather tense as I called Sekido, the clone of anger, into the office. I was apprehensive from the very beginning, but the fact that Zohakuten causes so much pain on his brothers makes me distrustful of him. However, I'm his therapist, so I have to be open minded.

The session started out calmly enough. He answered my basic questions with no attitude or ill-temper. Then..I asked him about his past. That's when his temper began to rise. Sekido cursed about his father. White Aizetsu's memories were more in the moment, Sekido's memories were the vengeful aftermath. He spoke with pure hate for that man. I can't say I blame him..

When Hentengu grew into his early teen years, he began resisting against his father's beatings. Sekido came to tear this man apart. That was his first murder. This might sound cruel to say, but I would've done the same. This is where things took an even darker turn.

Sekido was the only clone that remembered the murders. He told me that he needed to kill those people to protect Hantengu. They made him feel weak. They made him feel used. However, this was when he lost his temper.

He rose up from his seat and roared with fury. Sekido vented about how much pain he and his brothers went through and cursed us for trying to kill them. One line in particular stuck with me. "How dare you assume that we're monsters when you don't even bother to understand why we are the way we are?!" This not only applies to us, but it also applied to his father as well.

Mitsuri released her mist to quickly calm him down. With the mist and some affirmation, Sekido calmed down and we resumed the session. He apologized for losing his temper and explained that he's been apprehensive from the very beginning. With all this information, I've come to a shocking revelation.

The clones are Hantengu's different personalities. They each have selective memories and they seemed to be formed for certain purposes. Urogi and Karaku were meant to help Hantengu be happy with no guilt or fear behind his eyes. Aizetsu internalizes all the guilt and suffering that his father inflicted on him. Sekido was the source of protection and a defense mechanism.

This man was deeply wounded as a child. I'm not trying to excuse what he did, but he really was unaware of his actions until it was too late. It really was his hands that killed those people. With the selective memory, I can understand why Sekido killed them. He thought that they were trying to attack him and his brothers. In that way, I can understand him..I can relate to him.

Shinobu Kocho

12/06/1923 - Final Thoughts For Now

I don't know what to feel anymore. In all honesty, I expected to roll my eyes at their stories. I thought they would prove themselves to be the monsters I thought they were. What I found though were stories more human than I could ever imagine. I found myself relating to them, which scared me at first. However, I have come to acknowledge the truth of the situation.

We demon slayers were hurt by demons. Therefore, we hurt them. Demons, on the other hand, were hurt by humans. Thus, they hurt us. This isn't a battle between good and evil-as I originally thought-but it was a civil war between two groups of broken people. Every few of the beings in that war were good or evil. We were all broken, attacking each other in the name of revenge.

I thought...that extermination was the only solution-especially after Kanae died-but I can't say the same after listening to the demon's tales. I know that I might sound crazy. I know that I might get hurt later, but I genuinely believe now that this is the best way to go. There are some that I'm still skeptical of, but I will keep a open mind.I will continue these sessions and see how the half-demons grow over time. This war has to end and I believe that this is the best way to end it.

Shinobu Kocho

Author's Note: Yes, this is written in first person. I thought that this would be more impactful for Shinobu's character development. I did do research for this, so I hope that this is accurate representation! Sorry for not updating, I've been constantly sick. I do hope you enjoy this though!

[thistaleisabloodyone]

Watching the CL26 bowling video where they had a large number of LDH groups bowl against each other. No subtitles, Vibes Only. DEEP and Doberman Infinity are there, but I admittedly know them less - I have heard of SWAY and Kazuki from Doberman Infinity and that's - basically it. I apologize to them, they all look to be lovely men.

But I'm mainly here for our Jr. Exile boys - THE RAMPAGE sent 6 mbrs - Likiya, Hokuto, YamaSho, Ryu, Shogo, and Kaisei. Fanta sent four - Sekai, Sota and both Natsukis. Ryoga from Psychic Fever and Masa from BBZ are hosting, so they aren't playing, but the other 6 boys from each group are.

(our beautiful hosts)

This is a longass liveblog. I apologize. It's more than 3k words. In my defense, the video is an hour and a half long. It starts after Doberman Infinity and DEEP went in the first round of the first game because I felt the need to liveblog when RMPG started. Whoops 😅

I tried to reread and add in, like, emojis and shit where I thought they were needed, because I wrote this in notepad. But this is all meant in good humor and good fun.

First round of play happens - Ryu goes up for RMPG and I'm like "You've got this, buddy. You've got this, I believe in you." And he rolls two gutterballs in a row, so RMPG scores 0 for the first round. Oh, buddy, I am so sorry. He looks SO pained. Admittedly, RMPG loses basically every time they're competing against other groups, so, at this point, I think they're expecting it.

(oh, baby. it's okay. You did your best.)

This is unfortunately followed by Sota scoring a goddamn strike because that boy IS a prodigy, his own objections be damned. 😂

BBZ sends up Riki, who scores a 9 and then rolls a gutterball, much to his own disappointment. However, still doing better than RMPG!

(poor Sota 😂)

PsyFe sends up Tsurugi, who is seems to be jokingly beefing with Sota, our beloved baby boy prodigy. Tsurugi gets 7 on the first throw and 2 on the second.

DEEP's Keisei got a 3 on the first round, then DEEP's Taka comes up and scores a spare, for 18 points at Round 2.

(I don't know him very well, but he just looks very stylish to me.)

(I am not sure what's happening here, but 'onii-chan' and 'otouto' was said a few times? Genuinely confused.)

Doberman Infinity got 9 in the first round and the man sent up for the second round has - something? Going on with Tsurugi, mayhaps a older brother/younger brother vibe. He scores a 5 and then a 3, giving Doberman Infinity a score of 17 total at the end of Round 2.

RMPG sends up - Hokuto. The pained noise I made. Oh, buddies. Oh, no. I love Hokuto, Hokuto's not the clutch player for physical games in most scenarios. I am hoping I will be proven wrong. I have low expectations, the bar is not hard to beat, buddy. Please. He said he's gonna get a strike, I am in pain.

(he is far more confident than I am.)

Holy shit, he got 4! I will take 4! And then a gutterball. RMPG is losing. RMPG has already lost. Across two rounds, RMPG has 4 points.

Hori Natsuki is up for Fanta, and he gets 9. He also looks really good in that light purple. He misses the last pin, but considering Fanta is rocking a goddamn 28, Fanta is still doing pretty damn good.

(I stand by Hori Natsuki looking good in this purple)

Miku's up for BBZ. I am still not used to blond Miku. Oh, gutterball.

(Oh, Miku, buddy, I'm sorry.)

And another one, but still doing better than RMPG! BBZ has 9 points in round 2.

Kokoro's up for PsyFe. C'mon, buddy. C'mon. I believe in you. Gutterball again. Oh, god, oh no. C'mon. C'mon, Kokoro, I love you, you got this. 6 pins! PsyFe has 15 points at the second round.

Standings at the end of the second round:

DEEP: 18

Doberman Infinity: 17

RMPG: 4

Fanta: 28

BBZ: 9

PsyFe: 15

Round 3

DEEP's round 3, Yuichiro, the third gentleman, rolls a 5, then 4. DEEP has 27 points in Round 3, still hanging behind Fanta, but doing pretty good considering.

Doberman Infinity sends up Kazuki, one of the 2 members I actually have heard of (again, I'm sorry). Gutterball, RIP Kazuki. Second ball gets 6, Doberman Infinity finishes Round 3 with 23 points. Still doing better than RMPG.

RMPG sends up Shogo. … Fuck. Physical challenges - do not - necessarily - become Shogo super well, from other videos I've watched. They were older videos, so - hopefully - please - let him have gotten better.

(He looks pained.)

Oh, thank god, he got 6. He got a fucking spare! Shogo! My boy! My boyyyy! Well done! RMPG is no longer absolutely miserably behind. At the end of Round 3, they have 23 points.

SawaNatsu is up for Fanta and gets a 4. He gets a spare! Fanta is the Team to Beat, my god. They are doing really well. They end Round 3 with 47 points. … 47 points. Jesus Christ.

BBZ sends up Yoshi. He also looks nervous. He gets 8, then a gutterball. BBZ has 17 points at the end of Round 3.

PsyFe sends up Weesa. C'mon, buddy. He nearly falls over when throwing the ball, but scores a 9. He nearly falls again on second throw and misses, but PsyFe has 24 now.

Standings at the end of the third round:

DEEP: 27

Doberman Infinity: 23

RMPG: 23

Fanta: 47

BBZ: 17

PsyFe: 24

Round 4

Keisei, DEEP's first gentleman, is back up and he gets a gutterball on his first throw. RIP, sir. And a second gutterball. RIP, sir. DEEP has 27 points in Round 4.

(the face of a man in pain.)

SWAY is up for Doberman Infinity. My god, he gets a strike. So Doberman Infinity is doing well. Congrats, sir. Doberman Infinity has 42 points at Round 4.

Kaisei is up for RMPG. First throw 9, that is the best of any RMPG member so far.

(he is going to succeed or die trying because that's how Kaisei rolls.)

And he gets a goddamn spare! Kaisei, you ABSOLUTE MIRACLE WORKER of a man. Oh, my god. Kaisei, thank you. It will not be an absolutely miserable loss for RMPG. RMPG has 43 points at Round 4.

Sekai goes for FANTA and gets 9 on his first throw. Is FANTA gonna do a massacre? Not quite, his second throw misses, but they still have 56 points in Round 4.

BBZ sends up Ryusei. He gets 4, then 5. BBZ ends Round 4 at 26 points. We have found something BBZ is bad at, I'm impressed.

Ren goes for PsyFe. First throw gets 6, then he gets a spare! Well done, Ren! PsyFe has 44 points in Round 4.

Standings at the end of the fourth round:

DEEP: 27

Doberman Infinity: 42

RMPG: 43

Fanta: 56

BBZ: 26

PsyFe: 44

Round 5

Taka, DEEP's second gentleman, is back up. And he gets a strike! We know who DEEP's strongest bowler is, he's gotten a spare and a strike. DEEP has 47 points in Round 5.

Doberman Infinity's 5th gentleman rolls a gutterball. But he gets 9 on the next roll. Doberman Infinity now has 51 points.

Please, YamaSho, please. Please be good at this. Please. He gets a fucking strike! Buddy! Hell yeah! What a comeback! RMPG finishes Round 5 with a score of 60.

(Not only is he good at bowling, he also looks very good in this video, in my opinion)

Sota's up for Fanta again. First throw is 8, and then he gets a spare. Fanta, damn, you boys are really fucking good at bowling. They have 73 points at the end of Round 5. Hmm, I wonder who's winning.

Rikiya is up for BBZ. First throw is a 7.

(Ryuta looks - vaguely concerned - as Rikiya goes up for his second throw.)

Rikiya gets 1 more pin, BBZ has 34 points in Round 5.

PsyFe sends Jimmy, who gets a goddamn strike! Damn, boy! We love a king. PsyFe ends Round 5 with 57 points.

There were 3 strikes and a spare in Round 5, holy shit. That is the best round so far. RIP, BBZ, I think the first time I've ever seen them in the bottom in a competition, this is unusual.

Standings at the end of the fifth round:

DEEP: 47

Doberman Infinity: 51

RMPG: 60

Fanta: 73

BBZ: 34

PsyFe: 57

Round 6, the final round

Yuichiro is up again, for a fucking strike. Two strikes in a row, well done, DEEP! It looks like DEEP's final score is 57? I think.

I am discovering I have NO IDEA how strikes and spares are scored.

Doberman Infinity is obviously sending SWAY back up, since he's their best one. First throw is a 9, and he unfortunately misses the 2nd throw, but Doberman Infinity finishes Round 6 with a score of 60 and they are definitely not in the bottom. Well done, sir.

Likiya is up for RMPG and, once again, I am praying. Please. Please be good at this. Please. He gets a 1. Ah, shit. Oh, no. But they can't be worse than BBZ at this point.

(after he threw the one, he turned back to the crowd and said "Mecha mecha pressure!" 😂)

Second throw gets a 6. RMPG finishes with 67 points. Thank god, they're not the worst team for once.

FANTA sends up Natsuki again, he gets 7. So they have at least an 80, so, like. Hmm. I wonder. I wonder who's winning. Odds of getting a spare seem low, since two pins are on one side and the third pin is on the opposite side. He rolls a 2. Fanta has 82.

Ryuta's last one up for BBZ. They are Fucked. He got 4 pins after it looked like it was going to be a gutterball. He's jokingly crying into his arm as he goes to get the ball for his second throw, which nets him - one pin. BBZ has 39 points and Ryuta is once again jokingly crying into his arm.

(so that, mayhaps, didn't go as well as he would've liked 😂)

Ryushin's up for PsyFe. C'mon, buddy. Ah, shit, gutterball. Early gutterball, too. He gets 3 on his second throw and PsyFe ends at 60, tied with Doberman Infinity.

There's another hour left of this, so I assume there's more games of bowling ahead. Game 1's rankings are:

Fanta

RMPG - WE LOVE A COMEBACK, MY GOD, BOYS, YOU DID IT, HOLY SHIT, HOW DID YOU RECOVER SO FUCKING HARD, MY BOYS. Ahem, sorry.

Tied between PsyFe and Doberman Infinity

DEEP

BBZ

Game 2! Not sure if there's a rules change of some variety, there's a lot of text on the screen, I'm very confused. It feels like a rules change? I don't know how you change the rules of bowling?

Doberman Infinity seems to be up first. Is it seeing how long your ball rolls for? There's a timer going. But they were REALLY distressed when it went into the gutter. I am Very Confused.

YamaSho is going for RMPG. His ball is faster than the Doberman Infinity gentleman's, but it is going straight down the aisle. He scores a strike, because YamaSho is, apparently, good at this game. Damn, sir. I don't know if the strike matters? I hope it does.

(our bowling king - and look at Kaisei's cute smile in the background!)

SawaNatsu is going for FANTA. It ends up in the gutter as well.

Miku is up for BBZ. And it's in the gutter. I still have no idea what's happening, but gutterball seems to be Bad. The Doberman Infinity gentleman seems to be - consoling them? Every time.

Kokoro is going for PsyFe. Nope, that's a gutterball, too. So we're at 4/5 gutterballs. So he gets a handshake from the Doberman Infinity gentleman.

Taka, DEEP's best player, is going for them now. Notably, he's doing the same thing YamaSho did, but his ball swerved and ended up in the gutter riiiiight at the end. So YamaSho's the only one who didn't end up in the gutter.

Doberman Infinity is sending up Kazuki for attempt 2. His ball went fast, but he got a strike and it didn't go in the goddamn gutter. Well done, sir.

RMPG sends up Kaisei for try 2. Goddamnit, his ball ended up in the gutter in seconds. But, hey, YamaSho still did well round 1.

Sekai rolls a gutterball for Fanta, RIP. Ryusei's ball also ends up in the gutter. Weesa ends up in the gutter, too. And Keisei, DEEP's worst player, is up, oh, poor DEEP, poor man, honestly. I believe in you, sir - oh, no. So. Once again, only one ball didn't end up in the gutter.

RMPG wins this game, whatever that means. I think it's because YamaSho's ball took the longest to roll - his was, like, 7 seconds, whereas Kazuki's was, like, 3.5 or something? But, hey, not last place! And Doberman Infinity gets 2nd place, because, well, they're the only other team to succeed. And because everyone else failed, they get 0 points. Ouch. BBZ already only had 10.

Game 3 is - Bingo bowling? How does that work? My god, I wish I could know what the rules are. I think they have to roll specific numbers in order to make a bingo?

Before bingo bowling starts, we get a recap of the positions.

RMPG, with 110pts. My boys, my comeback kings. They will probably somehow figure out a way to lose, because that tends to happen, but for one beautiful, beautiful moment, they are in first place.

Doberman Infinity, with 90pts.

Fanta, with 60pts.

PsyFe, 40pts.

DEEP, 20pts.

BBZ, 10pts.

(all of the bingo cards are identical and look like this for reference)

YamaSho is going first for RMPG for Bingo Bowling. And he gets a gutterball, damnit. Second throw, gets a 7.

Sota is going for Fanta. He gets a 7. It looks like he's asked if he wants to go again, maybe? And says no.

BBZ sends up Ryusei, he gets a 6. Ryusei also seems to be asked if he wants to go again and, again, says no.

Tsurugi is going for PsyFe. He gets a 1 and keeps it.

DEEP sends up Yuichiro. He also gets a 1 and they also decide to keep it.

Doberman Infinity's man gets a 7 and keeps it.

Hokuto's going for RMPG. He gets a 7 and is throwing again and gets a gutterball. Buddy. RMPG only has a 7.

Hori Natsuki is going for Fanta and it sounds like he's aiming for 5, but gets a gutterball instead. He gets a 3 on second throw. So Fanta is one 5 away from a Bingo.

Riki goes for BBZ. He's aiming for 9. He gets 8, but is throwing again in an attempt to get that 9. And misses.

Jimmy's up for PsyFe. He gets a 2 and PsyFe keeps it, because it's right next to their 1 from last round.

DEEP's Keisei, poor man, is up again and gutterballs it. He gets a strike on his second throw! Holy shit, sir, congratulations, but I don't know if that's a good thing? They didn't get a number on the bingo.

Doberman Infinity is sending up the gentleman who seems to have a brotherly dynamic with Tsurugi and he throws a strike. Aaand the strike is apparently a bad thing, they didn't get a number on the bingo definitively.

Ryu's up for RMPG, please, buddy. He gets a 6 and there seems to be a strong debate over whether or not he's doing a second throw. I think he's doing a second throw. They end up getting an 8, so they now have 7 and 8 on the board and only need 9 for a bingo.

SawaNatsu's going for Fanta, they just need a five. But he gets a strike. It's definitely a 0, RIP.

Rikiya's going for BBZ. He gets a 9, so they have 6, 8 and 9 - they only need a 7 or a 3 to win.

Ren's up for PsyFe. They just need a 3 to win. First throw is a 2, they're trying again. He ends up getting a 7 instead. So they just need a 3 or a 4.

Taka is up for DEEP, good luck, sir. He gets a strike. Ouch. He looks so pained.

(pictured: the aftermath of one of the most painful strikes on record)

Doberman Infinity sends up SWAY. They're aiming for 5. They get a gutterball first try. Second throw, and a gutterball the second time. Ouch.

RMPG sends up Shogo. He wants a 9. First throw is a 5, I think, and they take it. So now they need either a 2 or a 9 for a win.

Fanta sends up Sekai. Gutterball throw 1. Strike throw 2. RIP, Fanta.

Ryuta's up for BBZ. He's aiming for a 3. They get a 7 instead, getting them the first bingo! Congrats, BBZ, maybe we'll have new comeback kings.

Ryushin's up for PsyFe. Gutterball throw 1. 4 on throw 2. Apparently they are now tied with BBZ for first place because they got bingo.

I think we are starting over on a new bingo to determine second place. DEEP got an 8 on their first throw, Kazuki got a 6 for Doberman Infinity.

For RMPG, Kaisei does a first throw and gets 4 and he's trying a second to see if he can knock down one pin to get a 5 instead and he does!

(pictured: a king)

Sota throws for Fanta - throw 1 gutterball. Throw 2, 9.

Yoshi's up for BBZ - I am really confused? - and gets a gutterball on throw 1. Throw 2, strike. RIP.

Weesa's up for PsyFe. 1 on throw 1 and they're taking it.

DEEP gets a 9, so now they have an 8 and a 9. They just need a 7 for bingo.

Doberman Infinity also gets a 9, so they have a 6 and a 9, they just need a 3.

Likiya's up for RMPG. Please, buddy, please. They get a 4, but I think they've having him throw again. Please. No spare. He gets a 9 with the second throw, so they have a 5 and a 9 and just need a 1.

Hori Natsuki's up for Fanta. Gutterball, then 6. They have a 9 and a 6 and just need a 3.

BBZ sends Miku. He gets an 8. They keep it.

Kokoro for PsyFe. He gets a 1 again and he's going for a second throw, which gets nothing. So they sit at just a 1.

Taka is up again for DEEP. He gets a 7, which is what they need for bingo.

I have No Idea what's happening, it looks like the other groups are still finishing their round? And they might be able to get a bingo. Doberman Infinity gets a 5 and keeps it.

Kaisei's up for RMPG, c'mon, buddy, just - just get a 1. Just get 1. Gutterball on throw 1, he was so close. I can't watch throw 2, but he gets a 2. Shit.

Fanta sends SawaNatsu. They need a 3. Can he roll a 3? Everyone is crowding to watch, it's honestly getting impressive how many people are behind Fanta's booth. First throw is a gutterball. Second throw is a gutterball. RIP, SawaNatsu.

I think maybe my boys won the whole competition? Maybe? It sounds like they may have won it. Hokuto's talking and I think he's thanking Kaisei.

(The hosts asked Likiya a question and I would just like to say, I think he looks good in this video)

They did win it! We cut to another shot where the 6 RMPG boys are all in their 16 tour gear and it looks like they're getting their gift cards. Yay! They didn't lose miserably for once! Ha!

(They won! For once! And they look good here, too.)

But we seem to be cutting back to the bowling alley for another game? They're explaining a lot of rules. It seems to be timed, but not for any specific team. I am not sure what the rules are, but it seems like you're okay as long as you knock down some pins. Ohhh, I think you might need to knock down at least the specified number of pins and now Masa's rolling for BBZ and he does get the 8 required pins. Oh, god, is PsyFe swapping Ryoga in when they need at least 9 pins? God. Brutal. Ouch. But homeboy gets a fucking strike! Ryoga, Ryoga, Ryoga!

Ah, shit, DEEP needs to get a strike and it's our gentleman who hasn't been bowling super well. He gets 8 pins, but not a strike. Ouch.

And we're starting over again from 1. C'mon, Kazuki. He does it. Hokuto, buddy, you just need 2, oh, thank fuck, he gets it. SawaNatsu, gets a strike, so he gets the required 3. Rikiya also gets a strike, so the required 4 have been knocked down. Tsurugi gets 8, which means they met the at least 5 requirement. Taka is up, he gets 8 and so they've met the at least 6. SWAY's up, he needs 7, but only gets 4.

Starting over from 1 again. Ryu's going for RMPG, he does it. We need a 2 from Sekai, we get a gutterball. RIP.

Starting over from 1. Ryuta needs a 1, we get success. Kokoro handles 2. We need a 3, DEEP's player just misses it.

Starting over from 1. Doberman Infinity gets 1. We need 2, Shogo succeeds. Need 3, Sota succeeds. Need 4, Yoshi fails.

Again, we restart. Need 1, Weesa succeeds. Need 2, DEEP's Keisei succeeds, yay. Need 3, Doberman Infinity does it. Need 4, Likiya succeeds. Just barely, but he does! Need 5, we get a gutterball from Hori Natsuki.

Restart. Need 1, Miku gutterballs it.

Restart. Need 1, Ren succeeds. Need 2, Taka succeeds. Need 3, Doberman Infinity's player succeeds. Need 4, Kaisei succeeds. Need 5, SawaNatsu succeeds. Need 6, Riki gets a strike and succeeds. Need 7, Ryushin gutterballs it.

Restart. Need 1, DEEP's Yuichiro succeeds. Need 2, SWAY succeeds. Need 3, YamaSho succeeds. Need 4, Sekai succeeds. Need 5, Ryusei succeeds. Need 6, Jimmy fails.

Restart. Need 1, DEEP succeeds. Keisei got a strike, yay. Need 2, Kazuki succeeds. Need 3, Hokuto gets a goddamn strike! Need 4, Sota fails.

Restart. 1, Rikiya gets a strike, success. 2, Tsurugi succeeds. 3, DEEP succeeds. 4, Doberman Infinity succeeds with a strike. 5, Ryu gutterballs.

Restart. 1, Hori Natsuki succeeds. 2, Ryuta succeeds. 3, Kokoro fails.

Restart. 1, DEEP success. 2, Doberman Infinity gutterballs.

Restart. 1, Shogo success. 2, SawaNatsu gutterballs.

Restart. 1, Yoshi success by the skin of his teeth. 2, Weesa success. 3, DEEP success. 4, Doberman Infinity fail.

Restart. 1, Likiya success. 2, Sekai success. 3, Miku success. 4, Ren success. 5, DEEP success. 6, SWAY success. 7, Kaisei success. 8, Sota fail.

They apparently had 15 minutes to see if they'd succeed and unfortunately they did not. But, damn. Points for tenacity, they restarted 15 times, which means they attempted it 16 times.

And that is unfortunately the end of what I can understand by vibes alone. There seems to be some amount of speeches, but this concludes the bowling. I hope, if you read it all, that it amused you at least slightly.

[calamityfracturegaster]

A Book That Was Found

I found a book the other day in an AU called "GuiltedTale" it seems to be some sort of journal, and it's covered in a light layer of Non monster-dust, though the name on the cover seems to be scratched off. I find its contents interesting so I will share it with you:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 5 - It's been nearly a week since I first fell down, my head is still healing. Dr. ______ has recommended that I write my thoughts down as it could help me and gave me this dairy. I still don't know what I think about him though. His knowledge about my body is very disturbing, but enough about him. I met the best person in the world 4 days ago, his name is Asriel Dreemurr, when I first fell, he helped me up and brought me to his parents. The King and Queen of all Monsters! My head was very bloodied from the impact luckily the queen bandaged it very good and applied some healing magic, though since I'm a human it didn't heal fully, and she gave me a yummy pie. The king is very kind.

Day 7 - Me and Asriel have been playing a lot. He is really fun to play with. What's funny is Asriel and I share the same Birthday. His favorite color is yellow, but just like me he's also fond of green. Though I prefer red.

Day 8 - It has become time for me to leave as my head has fully healed. According to them a monster cannot pass through the barrier, but I can. I believe it was time to say goodbye. Asriel started tearing up, but Asgore was as well.

Day 9 - It didn't work. Upon touching the barrier, I was sent flying backwards into Asgore, luckily, he is a fluffy as a marshmallow. It turns out that it takes at least a Human soul and a Monster soul to cross the barrier. But then again, I don't think I ever want to be on the surface again. I fell for a reason, that I'm not comfortable sharing why, but I'm glad for some reason. Maybe it's because I get to spend more time with Asriel. I mean he really gets me most of the time.

Day 16 - ITS OFFICIAL! I WAS ADOPTED BY THE KING AND QUEEN! ASRIEL IS NOW MY BROTHER! I'M SO HAPPY! I was also introduced to the best food ever: Chocolate! It is so good; I think I accidentally ate the entire box of chocolate me and Asriel were going to share. Luckily Asriel said he was more of a strawberry person.

Month 2, Day 20 - I started school today. Luckily me and Asriel were able to be put in the same classes. Most of the kids were really curious about me, though some were shy and others... not so nice.

[DAD IF YOU ARE READING THIS DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER OR YOU'LL SPOIL THE SUPPRISE!] Month 3, Day 5 - Dad's Birthday is in a week. I've been using the knitting lessons Mom gave me to make him a sweater I'm planning on making it say "Mr. Dad Guy". Azzy is planting some flowers for him with Mom. Me and Azzy are going to bake a pie for him on his birthday. Mom has been teaching me how to cook!

Month 3, Day 11 - It was Dad's birthday today. He really loved our gifts even shedding a few tears after seeing my sweater. However, the pie we baked him wasn't good for him. He got really sick, though he says he'll be fine and says it was good. It turns out flour doesn't mean flowers. I couldn't help but laugh, I don't know why, why am I laughing at someone's Misery. Asriel was really confused when I laughed

Month 4 Day 26 - Now this is getting personal. The monsters picking on me have turned to picking on Azzy after not getting a response from me. I've told Asriel to stick up to them, but he says they aren't bothering him. I tried telling a teacher but one of them tripped me.

Month 4 Day 27 - I'm getting tired of them; they jumped Asriel the other day giving him some sort of black eye, but Azzy didn't even try to fight back. He just healed it enough that it wasn't noticeable. I asked Dad for lessons in self-defense, He was really shocked but he agreed to it once I told him why, he just said not to tell mom.

Month 4 Day 28-31 - Some sort of flu is going around in school, so I've been the only one besides a few others that have gone to school. Training with Dad has been tough but I'm getting the hang of it, he's been teaching me mostly unarmed combat with occasionally improvised weapons.

Month 5 Day 6 - I was suspended for beating up the bullies. I don't regret it, mostly. I only had to punch two of them once, and the last one twice. Before I was suspended a Ghost came up to me and thanked me for teaching those bullies a lesson as they and their cousin Napstablook. I forgot their name I think it was Happstablook, apparently Ghosts age really slowly, and they are 20 years old!

Month 5 Day 8 - Asriel came home with a book about monster history. I was disgusted at what I saw, though it didn't surprise me. Humans slaughtering monsters in a one-sided war, it just boils my blood. Dad taught me how to wield a trident and spear

Month 5 Day 11 - Mom and Dad say it's for the best I don't return to school, instead Dr. ______ would be teaching me. I saw the light leave moms eyes as it really seemed she wanted to teach me. Apparently, Dr. ______ is the last of his kind, a skeleton, after the Monster-Human War and is really good friends with Mom and Dad.

Month 5 Day 20 - The underground is getting too crowded Dad says so we are currently in the process of moving to the new capital city of New Home, gosh dad is bad with names. Dr. ______ is a surprisingly good teacher. He created the CORE, a massive glowing orb that provides power to the entire underground. Apparently, it stands for Center Of Renewable Energy, definitely better at coming up with names than Dad.

Month 8 Day 25 - I haven't been writing as I lost my Dairy during the move until now, but I just had my First GIFTMAS! Azzy got a gardening kit, I got a big box of chocolates, Mom got some pots and pans, Dad got... socks... I have no Idea why. Mom and Dad also won the nose nuzzling contest, sometimes their affection makes me sick. Dad said he had a Suprise for me I'll continue this entry after. I GOT A COOL SWORD! Well, a training one but it was nice.

Month 9 Day 7 - My training sword's blade broke so it's basically a knife now, but for some reason I feel much more comfortable with it. Also, I finally landed a hit on him! Asriel's new flower garden is doing quite well, turns out he tried planting a bunch of different flowers but seems like the buttercups were the only ones to grow.

Month 9 Day 8 - Asriel asked me the other day why I fill my cups to the rim, I told him why not. Though I don't honestly know why

Month 12 Day 2 - It's our birthday were turning 10! Asriel invited his friends including the 3 bullies, turns out I taught them a lesson after all. There were two cakes a chocolate one and a strawberry one. There were quite a lot of gifts for Asriel! I got 3, surprisingly a third one, sharing one with Asriel. I got this cool Jacket that matches my shirt from Happstablook and Napstablook though I didn't see Napstablook at the party. I got a cool Cooking Knife from Asriel and a headband with horns on it; I got him a video camera he looked like he really liked those movies people make. Mom and dad got me, and Asriel matching custom made soul lockets, however they engraved the names on the wrong ones with the monster soul one having my name on it and the human soul one with Asriel's name.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unfortunately, a lot of pages are torn out, blank, and unreadable however I found pages that look like they fit in the end at the True Lab next to a bunch of video tapes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Year 3 Month X Day X - I can't remember his name... it started with a G. I looked at my previous pages of my Dairy, but his name is just Dr. then blank. Everyone just seem to forget he exists; they are staring at me like I'm insane, all they seem to remember is there was an old royal scientist, but he disappeared. Dad is currently trying to find a replacement to help maintain the CORE.

Year 3 Month X Day X - They found corrupted footage of him, the parts of him are cut out of the video somehow but he fell into the CORE. He was really good at teaching math. I still can't remember his name. After this accident Dad said everyone is extremely sad as not only is it the extinction of an entire species of monster, but the loss of a brilliant man slowing our technological progress.

Year 4 - Mom, Dad if you are reading this, I'm sorry. But thank you for everything you've done for me. This is my attempt at getting your kind to the surface as a thanks. Everyone I saw in the underground seems really depressed. I ate a bunch of buttercups and got sick on purpose, so Asriel could absorb my soul and collect the 6 other souls needed to break the barrier. If you miss me, you can always watch Asriel's tapes to hear my voice again. Thank you for being my family. I LOVE YOU ALL! Stay Determined!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is the last of what I have been able to Scavenge. I have returned the book and its pages to the family without contact. The teenage Frisk of that universe looked really shocked to find it outside their door, they even called over their Asgore without the Toriel getting mad. Still... I can't remember why GuiltedTale sounds familiar, I think I know someone from there.

[procrastinatorimagines]

I posted 181 times in 2022

That's 29 more posts than 2021!

181 posts created (100%)

0 posts reblogged (0%)

I tagged 181 of my posts in 2022

#imagine - 99 posts

#imagines - 99 posts

#one chicago - 47 posts

#one shot - 40 posts

#chicago pd - 27 posts

#chicago pd imagine - 27 posts

#chicago pd imagines - 26 posts

#jay halstead imagine - 25 posts

#jay halstead imagines - 25 posts

#jay halstead - 25 posts

Longest Tag: 37 characters

#star trek strange new worlds one shot

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Roommates

Fandom: Chicago Fire

Series: One Shot

Pairing/s: Kelly Severide x Reader

Warning/s: none

Word Count: 575

Request: request: roommates to lovers trope with kelly severide

It started off innocent enough, you'd needed somewhere to live, Kelly had needed a roommate to make rent, it made sense.

But, slowly, it developed into more. So slowly you hadn't realised until you were in too deep, with glances at one another in a towel, or in gym clothes, or late nights spent having dinner, curling up closer than necessary for wine and a move, with conversation so natural you may as well have been together for years.

It was there, in the air whenever you were alone, but neither of you had put it into words yet, so much so that you were starting to feel that it was one sided, or all in your head, or both.

So when Sylvie told you she had someone in mind to set you up with, you figured, why not, you couldn't wait around to see what might happen with Kelly forever, right?

Kelly was coming out of his room as you were slipping on your heels, pausing in his tracks when he saw you, jaw clenching. "Little dressed up for Molly's aren't you?" He asked, tone deeper than he intended.

You smile at him, "I have a date actually, I won't be able to make it tonight," you explain as casually as possible.

"You, er, didn't mention you had a date," he tried to play it off, but he was definitely jealous.

"I didn't?" You said as you rose, "sorry, I thought I had." Now that definitely gets a rise out of him, but he heads to the cupboards in the kitchen so you don't see it show on his face, not that he was looking for anything in particular in there.

"Who is this guy anyway?" He asked, levelling his tone.

"Friend of Sylvie's," you replied, slipping in your earrings as Kelly turned back to face you and take in the full extent of your outfit, his eyes wandering unsubtly.

"That's what you're wearing for a first date?" He asked, equal parts annoyed and protective.

"What's wrong with it?" You asked, defensiveness creeping into his voice. What right did he have to ask that? You'd waited long enough for him to make a move and he hadn't, could he really blame you for moving on with your life?

"It's... a little much," he answered, though you new full well he had no problem with the outfit, or how it looked on you, and that was in fact the problem.

You rolled your eyes as he stopped there, not saying anything more, not saying what you want him to.

"I should head to Molly's," he said finally, heading for the door.

"Yeah you should," you snapped back a little harsher than intended and he leaves, slamming the door shut behind him.

With a frustrated sigh you gave up on the second earring, letting it scatter across the counter as you rested your hands on the edges and close your eyes.

You only opened them when you heard the door open again, with Kelly standing at the entrance, a look in his face you can't place.

"I don't want you to go on the date," he told you with conviction as you sagged with relief, tension you didn't even realise you were holding releasing.

"I don't want to go on the date," you admitted.

Without another word you both closed the gap, meeting in the middle and kissing like you were finally coming up for air.

322 notes - Posted May 21, 2022

#4

Jealousy

Fandom: Chicago Fire / Chicago PD

Series: One Shot

Pairing/s: Jay Halstead x Reader, Kelly Severide x Reader

Warning/s: none

Word Count: 629

Request: request : dating jay halstead but severide is your ex and jay gets jealous

Some people think it's weird to be friends with your ex, but you disagreed. Some exes, such, but people like Kelly Severide? Nah, you didn't see it.

You and Kelly had dated years ago and separated amicably, and you'd been good friends ever since. He talked to you about Stella, you talked to him about Jay, to you it was normal. It sometimes bothered Jay though, when you and Kelly would have in jokes or conversations about your history and past, not that he'd tell you that.

It's not like you could forget everything about each other when you split, and Jat knew it was irrational, he trusted you, so he tried not to let it show, but it did bug him.

Like in Molly's after a very long shift, you were both sat with Kelly and Cruz as Cruz discussed the tattoo he was thinking of getting in memory of Otis, his friend, and his son.

"I think it's a great idea," you told him with a sincere smile, putting your hand on the arm he had resting on the table as Jay nodded his agreement.

"You have something similar, for your old college friend that passed," Kelly mentioned casually, gesturing with his beer to where you were sat. You nodded and the conversation carried on, with Cruz asking how you settled on the image, but Jay wasn't really paying attention.

It was so little, it shouldn't have bothered him, but he'd had a long day, so he excused himself from the booth at Molly's about getting an early one before next shift and headed out.

Kelly and Cruz didn't give it a second thought after they bid goodnight, but you couldn't help watch Jay as he left, a troubled look on your face before you excused yourself too and went after him.

"Jay!" You called after him when you exited the bar, noticing him from behind instantly. He stopped in his tracks, not turning but letting you catch up with him.

"Hey, what's up?" You asked, a hand on his forearm as you walked around him so that you were face to face.

"Nothing," he tried unconvincingly, knowing you weren't buying it either.

You tilted your head at him, a look on your face that told him as much without uttering a word. You faced off for a few seconds before he relented and sighed, eyes moving from yours.

"I just..." he tried to find the right words to explain without coming off douchey, "sometimes it just gets to me a little, seeing you and Kelly together," he admitted.

You laughed at the absurdity but he winced, looking a little hurt. Shaking your head you stopped.

"Baby, there's nothing between me and Kelly anymore," you told him, "we realised we were better off as friends, and we have been ever since, there's nothing for you to be jealous of."

"I know, I know, I do," Jay insisted, "it's just, I didn't know that, what he said about your tattoo, and I guess it just stung a little that he did."

You nodded but didn't say anything, so he continued. "I'm not trying to be one of those guys who tells you who you should be friends with and gets super jealous..." He explained, feeling like an idiot for even bringing it up, it's why he never had before.

"You can't control your feelings Jay, and I'd rather you tell me than let it fester," you said, putting a hand to his cheek, "but there really is nothing to worry about."

"I know," he told you genuinely, leaning in to rest his forehead against yours.

"I love you," you told him forcefully, making sure he knew it.

"I know," he chuckled, kissing you softly, "I love you too."

375 notes - Posted May 24, 2022

#3

Close Call

Fandom: Chicago Med

Series: One Shot

Pairing/s: Connor Rhodes x Reader

Warning/s: stabbing

Word Count: 656

Summary: Losing a patient during surgery and Connor taking care of you after you get stabbed by a grieving family member

You hadn’t seen it coming, turning away to give a grieving family some space after you’d just delivered the news of their son’s passing as you felt a hand grip your shoulder and something suddenly pinch your side.

There was a scream as you turned, the brother of your patient behind you as his mother yelled for help, the father leaping up as he stepped away, a bloody knife in his hand.

You looked at your side, your white shirt and coat already pooling with blood.

“What did you do!?” His mother screamed as the father rushed to the door, calling for anyone to help.

“That’s for my brother,” he told you, hand already shaking, clearly unsure of the weight of what he had just done.

You wanted to say something, to apologise maybe, but you collapsed, doctors and nurses rushing in as security pulled your assailant away and on to the ground.

Then... nothing.

-

“Y/N?” You heard the voice, gentle and full of concern, but it was far away, like you were underwater trying to break to the surface. “Y/N, oh Y/N, please wake up."

Eventually, the voice got a little clearer, forcing your heavy eye lids open to face the blinding light of the room, the left side of your body aching in a way you’d never experienced before.

You felt pressure on your hand as you woke up, a blurry figure leaning over you as you blinked, trying to focus on him. “There you are...” He breathed, relief washing over him. Connor.

He looked like he hadn’t slept, his clothes creased and his hair stuck down on one side, probably from where he’d been resting his head, you realised, eyes flicking to the coffee cups and blanket around the chair to the side of your bed.

"Connor-" you tried to talk but your throat was like sandpaper. He noticed and grabbed the cup from the bedside table, gently putting the straw to your lips as you shifted into the best sitting position you were able.

"Easy does it," Connor said, helping you sit and pulling the drink back when you coughed.

"Better?" He asked, rubbing your leg.

"Define better," you managed, throat still sore but your voice returning. He looked worried as your hand went to your side, remembering what had happened just before you lost consciousness.

Trying to push the thought away, you asked: "how long have I been out?"

"A few days," Connor said, a shadow crossing his face, "there were complications in surgery, you had to go back in twice, the last 24 hours have been crucial..." his voice caught in his throat and you took his hand.

"Don't tell me you counted me out?" You tried to joke, but he could hear the fear in your voice as you took in what he had said.

"Never," he promised, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze.

"So, what now?" You asked, looking to where your chart hung at the end of the bed, desperate to check your condition.

"Now, you rest and recover," he told you, following your eyes, "and you let your doctors do what they do best, you're off the clock on this one."

"But-" you began but the look on Connor's face made you pause. "It was bad, wasn't it?"

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400 notes - Posted February 7, 2022

#2

We'll Make It Down The Aisle

Fandom: Chicago PD

Series: Adding it to THIS series because I can

Part 1 // Part 2

Pairing/s: Jay Halstead x Reader

Warning/s:

Word Count: 967

Summary: After 10 years of being friends and more, Jay and the reader are finally tying the knot, but a medical emergency throws a spanner in the works

Looking at yourself in the mirror one last time before heading to the limo, you could barely believe this was happening. Smoothing down your dress lightly, taking it all in, you couldn't help but smile.

When you'd met Jay he'd been uncover, working for a shady mobster named Arthur and shaking down Molly's for cash, you couldn't quite believe that you were about to walk down the aisle to him.

After years of friendship, consulting on a number of cases with Intelligence as a psychiatrist, a few new death experiences, and wasted time denying your feelings for each other, you were finally doing it.

The wedding was no expenses spared, especially thanks to Voight's donation - you'd been smart enough not to ask where that money had come from.

So there you were, climbing carefully into your carriage, well, limo, with your Maid of Honour, Sylvie, and bridesmaids: Stella, Kim and Maggie. It was perfect.

"Ready?" Sylvie asked, looking at you with the biggest grin you'd ever seen as Stella pulled the door shut.

You nodded, "without a doubt." She knocked on the separating window and the limo began to move, taking you to the only place you wanted to be, with Jay.

"Oh I bet he's going to look good," Stella nudged you playfully.

"Of course he will, he's a Halstead," Maggie added and you all laughed.

You conversation didn't last long, however, your laughter being cut short by a loud crash from outside and the breaks of the limo were slammed on, throwing you all forward into each other as you screeched to a halt.

"What was that?" Kim asked, rolling down the closest tinted window as you all leaned forward to see what looked like the aftermath of a traffic collision.

A truck had hit... "Is that a school bus?" Sylvie asked, eyes wide and you swallowed hard, commotion already starting to form around the accident.

You all exchanged a knowing look and sprang into action, pulling open the door as you all ran to the scene, hoisting up your skirt as you did.

"Y/N, what about the wedding?" Stella asked as you reached the crash, the crowd already doing a double take at the 5 glamorously dressed women racing towards them, your heels clicking on the concrete.

"It'll have to wait," you replied, surveying the scene. The others did the same, each having their own specialty in the field.

"I'll take triage, tell Med we have a mass-casualty situation," Maggie declared, noticing the walking wounded and a number of injured pedestrians spread along the street.

"I'm with you," Sylvie added and you all nodded.

"I'm on crowd control, I'll call it in," Kim said, already working to direct some of the crowd away so you could work.

You and Stella glanced at one another, "I guess that means we're going in."

You nodded, face grim but focused. Psychiatrist or not, you worked in the E.D, and you'd had plenty of extra field training; you were as good as any paramedic.

You both made your way to the bus. The truck was on its side but the bus was still upright, a dangerously tilted lamppost stopping it in its tracks, a giant dent in the side where the impact occurred.

People were trapped, and injured, so you and Stella got to work trying to pry the doors open.

See the full post

430 notes - Posted February 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Undercover

Fandom: Chicago PD

Series: One Shot

Pairing/s: Jay Halstead x Reader

Warning/s: none

Word Count: 898

Summary: Imagine... meeting Jay when your Unit teams up with Intelligence for an undercover assignment

You'd been undercover for just four months as a barmaid. Your narcotics unit had been gathering intel on a new gang moving into the area who were lacing their product with fentanyl and working out of this seedy dive bar in Canaryville.

Being new players meant going under had been easier than usual - they needed actual staff the run the front of this place while they did business in the back, so you'd applied for the position and basically been hired on the spot.

About a month ago the Intelligence Unit had joined the operation. Their new drug had landed a few DOA's at their feet in the form of turf disputes, and your Sergeant had known Voight for years, so you'd teamed up to take these guys down.

You'd never met Detective Halstead, but when Jay had walked into the bar and used your Unit's code phrase in conversation, you'd known he was your new contact. Jay had set himself up as player interested in helped your new 'boss', who went by Murdock, get his product on the street faster.

He'd come to the bar a few times, getting flirty with you behind the counter to pass information with code. It was how you'd been able to tell him about a party coming up at Murdock's new pad to celebrate a recent influx of sales, and Jay had been able to score and invite.

So there you were, half playing lookout, half serving the fanciest hors d'oeurvres a drug dealing gangster could come up with in a cocktail dress they felt more like a second skin as Jay attempted to plant a bug in Murdock's study.

Out the corner of your eye you spotted Murdock rounding the corner, your eyes widening in panic. The study was a radio dead zone, you had no way of warning Jay in advance.

"We have a problem," you whispered into your earpiece, your partner Callie and Adam Ruzek on the other end in an unmarked van down the road.

"How bad?" Adam's voice crackled over the comms.

"Jay's cover is about to be blown," you informed them, eyeing Murdock as casually as you could.

Adam swore over the other end of the line.

"Should we move in?" Callie asked.

"Not yet," you advised.

Think Y/N, Murdock hadn't spotted you as you slipped around the corner. You could make it to the study before him... but then what? He'd see you and Jay in the corridor and it would be over for both of you.

Unless... "Give me 5, if you don't hear from me, move in then," you told them, not giving them a chance to reply as you made your move.

You placed your tray on the nearest surface and made your way to the study, slipping in just as Murdock rounded the corridor, he hadn't seen you.

"Y/N?" Jay whispered, surprised to see you as he knelt by Murdock's desk, just finishing planting the bug. "You can't be in here."

"Murdock will be in here any second," you told him, looking around the room for anywhere to escape, or hide. You hadn't thought there would be, all intelligence told you the room was impenetrable. But that hadn't been your plan anyway.

"Even more reason for you not to have come in here," Jay said, worry lacing his voice as he stood fast, wishing he'd had a weapon. Everyone had been searched upon entry, you were defenceless, and you had no way to defend yourselves.

"Follow my lead," you told him hurriedly as a shadow darked the doorway behind you.

Jay looked confused, glancing between you and the door as the handle began to turn. He had no choice but to nod slightly.

Here goes everything, you thought, grabbing his tie and pulling him in for a kiss, pivoting yourselves so that you were backed up again the desk.

Jay's eyes widened, not quite processing what was happening as the door opened and Murdock walked in.

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573 notes - Posted March 17, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[mypunkpansexualtwin]

the bg3 ask, any 4 odd numbers you wanna do for your tav. :) <3

You're the best, and you're getting more Maya (partly because she's reclaimed the little throne in my brain, partly because she's the only one I've finished Act 1 with.)

Anyone else wants to shoot some my way or reblog it for themselves, here's a link!

5) Do you remember the first humanoid enemy your Character killed? Was it the first person they've ever killed, in your opinion? Would they have been bothered by it?

The group of de-coma-tized and very angry for it cultists on the nautiloid where you find Shadowheart would be the first ones in-game. As far as the first person Maya ever killed? Ha. No. I've got her backstory hammered out now and even if she wasn't a Dark Urge character, she's still a vengeance paladin. She's definitely done some killing in her time. That said, with the memory loss and capacity for guilt having been restored to her, yeah she felt a little bad for having to kill a bunch of mind-controlled people who got pissed off when she pushed a button she couldn't read.

17) What does your Character think of Withers?

Not the first friendly undead in her merry little band of misfits, and at least he bites less than Astarion. Was definitely expecting some kind of Mysterious Magical Benefactor like in a fairy tale after he made a point of "we will meet again at the fated time" or whatever. Definitely didn't expect to find him bumming around in camp like everyone else three hours later. Frustrated after the Alfira thing, but that's on whatever the fuck is going on with her head, not on him. Has a half-joking theory on who he actually is. That seems a lot less jokey as time has gone on in act 3.

27) Who ended up in your Character's most used party?

Shadowheart, because Maya's a vengeance paladin, not a devotion paladin. She can heal, but she's better as a backup. Shadowheart's pulled their asses out of the fire more times than she can count. Karlach is in second place because it's nice to have someone who can dish out significant amounts of damage that can also tank while Maya patches herself up after picking and holding a fight with everything in a half mile radius. Also because Gay. Third slot had pretty much an equal rotation between everyone else, usually with Astarion or Gale because range. When Karlach wasn't in the group, it was Lae'zel for the same reasons, just marginally less Gay.

31) Does your Character have new or old phobias or superstitions that affect their story?

Again, the amnesia has definitely been a factor as far as old phobias, but dealing with the Duergar down in the Underdark sets her teeth on edge when they start swinging those whipping canes around. The sound of them makes her jump and the Urge rears its head pretty hard, almost defensively, when that happens. Siccing herself on them is about the only time she didn't feel bad indulging it. Speaking of Just Dark Urge Things, she's got a new paranoia about lingering too hard on impulsive or intrusive thoughts, or really even falling asleep at this point. When she has to sleep, it's under the influence of an ungodly amount of alcohol just to make sure that she either stays down or is too impaired to be a danger to anyone if she has another, different flavor of blackout. She was also too scared to pet Scratch or Baby for days after zoning out and punting a squirrel so hard it exploded. (And by she I mean me. There was no warning on that cutscene, I saved every time I interacted with them pretty much all the way through the rest of act 1 and into the start of act 3.)