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charminglatina · 5 years ago

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Riverdale Characters as That 70′s Show Characters. ⚡️

Eric Albert Forman is the main protagonist of That '70s Show. He is portrayed by Topher Grace. Eric was born on March 5, 1960 to Red Forman and Kitty Forman. Eric is the youngest child in a family of four, consisting of his strict, war-veteran father, Red, his doting mother with impending separation anxiety, Kitty, and his evil, promiscuous, troublesome older sister, Laurie Forman. He also becomes the foster brother to his best friend, Steven Hyde, after Hyde had been abandoned by his own mother. Eric is the front-man and ringleader of the circus, but is rarely respected. He is the one who comes up with the plans and schemes, often trying to break free of his "square goody-goody rep." But such plans often do backfire in one way or the other. He is often left holding the bag (his friends abandon him) and he is then ridiculed by them for getting in trouble. Eric is a nice guy at heart, who is geeky and somewhat clumsy. He is a smart-aleck teenager, with a lightning-fast wit and a sarcastic, deadpan sense of humor. He is also quite brave and somewhat scrappy. Eric is often picked on for his slight stature and is likened to "Opie" (for the character Opie Taylor, from The Andy Griffith Show), and Archie Bunker by his friends. Unfortunate nicknames include "Foreplay" (by Casey Kelso), "Foreskin" (by Donna), and "Zitty Stardust" (in reference to him being unable to take a zit-free yearbook photo). His girlfriend Donna is physically stronger than him (and everyone else in the group, really---except for Randy). However, when incensed enough, Eric will stand up to anyone, even his father, whom he tells off when Red handles Kitty's apparent pregnancy badly – Eric tells Red to be a man for her. He stands up to both of his parents in his insistence on marrying Donna, despite their repeated attempts to stop him. He threatens Casey Kelso with serious injury if he hurt Donna, and even defends his father by breaking another teen's nose, when the latter says that Red "should have been smart and planned ahead, like my dad". Eric also beats a Green Bay Packers fan up during a game, after he insults Eric for wearing a Chicago Bears jersey, which has Red proudly comment that his son has the "Forman Rage". The Forman Rage is the trait that all people of the Forman clan have. It causes people to have extreme feats of anger with the promise of hurting someone in the process. Red is most famously a proponent of losing his temper, yelling at people or threatening to shove his foot one way or another up someone's ass especially Eric's in particular. Eric has had many typical teen-age jobs over the series. He has worked at the fictional Fatso Burger, Price Mart, a dog food factory, and at the Holiday Hotel as a waiter. At the beginning of the series, Red vehemently opposed Eric's trying to get another job during the second season citing that it would interfere with his school work and make it harder for him to get into a good college far away, and Kitty supported Red by designating Eric's job as being her "precious baby boy". In season seven he was much ridiculed by his father when he took a year off from school and work to contemplate his future and enjoy being lazy. Eric enjoyed this being another one of many thorns in Red's side. Eric is a well-known fan of sci-fi, such as Star Trek and especially when it comes to Star Wars, which is cause for much ridicule at the hands of his exasperated family and friends. He is known to keep a collection of Star Wars models and figurines. Eric has a large collection of G.I. Joe figures and has stubbornly refused to give them up over the years. Red never liked then and referred to them as "those dolls" whenever they came up in conversation. From Red's comment that the G.I. Joes lost the "Dumpster War of 1979", which is one of the things he says to Eric when Kitty sends him a tape of them and his friends to Africa, it is safe to assume Red threw them out. Eric likes bands such as Led Zeppelin, KISS, Aerosmith, Pink Floyd, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Styx , and Rush. He is also a Beatles fan and has been known to liken his group of friends to them, accusing Jackie of "breaking up the band" with her romantic entanglements with Kelso and Hyde. It is also hinted that he is a Spider-Man fan, having Spider-Man bedsheets and a considerable amount of comic books, most of them bearing the Marvel Comics logo with the titular character on the covers, and when he fought a fan at the Packers game, he tells Red that he learned his moves from Spider-Man (coincidentally, Topher Grace starred in Spider-Man 3 in 2007). Eric is usually very supportive of his friends, even though it is usually not reciprocal. On several occasions when the gang found themselves in a predicament as the result of a prank gone awry or some other unforeseen circumstance, the rest of the group take off, leaving Eric to absorb the brunt of the trouble, after which the gang (particularly Hyde) hassle and tease Eric for getting into trouble (as in Stolen Car, Eric Gets Suspended, Eric's Hot Cousin and Rip This Joint). This has much to do with Eric's trusting nature and indicates that what he lacks in physical strength and courage, he more than makes up for in strength of character. Eric however, has been known to get his revenge on his backstabbing friends from time to time, such as when Kelso took the gang on a Dine and Dash without telling them, and eventually stranding Donna and Eric alone. They garnered revenge by making some "Special Brownies" which the group occasionally enjoyed, however in this case, Eric had made them with laxatives. This was a huge hindrance for Fez, whose girlfriend had arrived to make amends just as he ran for the bathroom. At times, however, Eric's friends will come to his aid when he is truly at the end of his rope. His less morally-inclined friends are quick to take advantage of this and also take it for granted, however Eric is also quick to stand up for himself to them and set things straight whenever he feels wronged by his friends' actions. Eric is the best friend and foster brother of rebel Steven Hyde. When Hyde's mother left town at the end of the first season, Eric tried to persuade his parents to do something about his best friend's living conditions and thus Hyde was invited to live with the Formans, which he does for most of the series. And when Red was quick to throw Hyde out after an arrest for possession, Eric actually attempts to come to his rescue. Eric's relationship with his parents centers around his trying to prove his maturity and independence to them. Eric's father Red is a well-known authoritarian and often refers to Eric as "dumbass" and "boy". He frequently threatens 'to put his foot in Eric's ass.' Red finds Eric lacking qualities he feels a grown man should possess including physical strength, sportsmanship, and interest in manly pursuits like hunting, fishing, etc. Oddly, Eric is in many ways a younger version of his father. Both display a dry sense of humor and tend to be the sanest people in their circle of friends. Eric's mother Kitty typically supports Eric against Red and often scolds Red for being too hard on Eric. However, she also does not consider Eric to be a man and often refers to him as her "precious baby boy." Eric appreciates his mom's support but her overblown displays of affection often leave him feeling embarrassed. At times, Kitty's love for Eric borders on Hitchcockian. His mother is often insecure about being replaced by Donna as the woman in Eric's life. Their rivalry is played up in many episodes (often comically, but sometimes to the point of it being a problem). In theory, she is okay with a sexual relationship between Donna and Eric, even pressing the two to discuss it with her, but in reality she goes into a depression after learning that Eric and Donna had sex and considers Donna a harlot who stole her baby boy away from her. Eric assured Kitty he would always need her because, "Dad's going to be riding my ass for the rest of my life!" When Eric tells his parents about his plan to teach in Africa for a year, his mother is less than thrilled. This is most notably, and comically presented when, the morning after his announcement, Kitty fixes everyone at the breakfast table a smiley-face breakfast with eggs and bacon and then hands Eric a plain pancake with, "nothing smiling up at you, nothing." Even with a couple days before his departure, Kitty reveals that she hid mailed notifications that Eric must receive certain vaccinations before his departure. Eric protests his mom's actions but she still tries to dissuade hims stating that the needles used for the vaccinations are really large and will hurt a lot. After Eric disobeys his parents' orders not to go forward with his marriage to Donna, Red finally deems Eric a man and offers his blessing while a devastated Kitty turns on Red for allowing her "precious baby boy" to get married. Eric's relationship with his older sister Laurie is based on mutual ridicule and compliment or more ridicule based on the execution and content of their mutual mockery. Eric continually rides his sister for being a whore while she chides him for being weak and less favored by their father. On several occasions, Eric and Laurie have tolerated each other and shown a brother-sister bond. When Eric saw his parents having sex, Laurie tried to comfort him, including hugging him and stroking his hand. In the middle of a fight between the two, Hyde tried to break it up, and the two teamed up on him, complimenting each others insults. Eric once even defended Laurie from Red. After discovering that Laurie moved out and was living with a man, Red started insulting her and pushing her away (now that he had to see her for what she was), to which Eric defended her saying that Red was being too hard on her. Laurie once told Eric and Donna to move away after they got married and even cried during her apology. Eric first had to taste the tear, and, deeming it legitimate, Eric replied "I have a sister!" and hugged her. She somewhat cleaned up her act, but then sunk back into her old patterns of screwing around. Eric seems to dislike Jackie the most out of the gang. This is especially noted when, in an early episode, Red says to Eric that Jackie is his favorite out of his friends, and Eric points out that she is not one of his friends. Jackie is generally demeaning towards Eric due to his effeminate qualities and physical weakness, and believes him to be unworthy of Donna (despite the fact that she does not think much of Donna either), leading to his dislike of her. In the episode "Time is on my Side", Eric is about to fall off the water tower, Jackie refuses to help him, saying "Eww, you touched Pee-tos". (Fez had early found Cheetos in the woods and said they felt damp and Kelso jumped to the conclusion that something peed on them.)However, as the series progresses, it is shown that they develop a tolerance for and eventually a friendship with each other. As early as season 2, after Jackie breaks up with Michael Kelso, Eric stands up to comfort her. Eric is the first person Jackie told when she suspected she was pregnant in the first season, and they have been known to occasionally help each other out. In the episode "Jackie's Cheese Squeeze," Eric admits that they are "friends," as long as they do not refer to each other as such in public, and in the season 7 finale, Jackie calls Eric from Chicago and admits that she is always cared for him and considers him a good friend. Throughout the series Eric had one steady girlfriend – Donna. They have been on and off throughout the series but for the most time they are together. Eric and Donna have been next door neighbors ever since they were children. When Donna first moved in and first met Eric, she punched him in the stomach for looking at her funny. It was at that moment that Eric fell madly in love with Donna. They later became the best of friends and hung out with each other all the time. Eric's love for Donna continued on and on, but he didn't admit his love for her until they were 16 in 1976, when Eric Forman takes his car out of town when explicitly told not to, and impresses Donna who decides to give him their first kiss. They don't start going out immediately, but take their relationship slowly, unsure how to show their interest in each other and getting advice from their friends on how to act now that their relationship has changed. When the gang goes to a disco, Eric doesn't dance with Donna, but later admits that he hates disco and went because he likes her, which is the first time he tells Donna how he feels about her. They go on to discover many firsts together, like making out at the drive-in and what it means to be exclusive as teenagers, when Eric kisses another girl.Meanwhile, Hyde is still competing for Donna's affections and they both give her Christmas gifts, while Donna in turn, give both the guys Christmas gifts, although she signals her interest in Eric by giving him the watch he wears for the remainder of the show, while she gives Hyde socks. They go on their first date on Valentine's Day and during the date, Donna unexpectedly becomes intoxicated, which only makes the experience more uncomfortable than it should have been, for Eric especially, as he wanted to give her his class ring. Despite Hyde showing up and professing his feelings for Donna one last time, Donna chooses Eric. Their relationship becomes very public when Bob accidentally finds out that Midge put Donna on the pill, then Kitty and Red find out, although Eric and Donna aren't sleeping together. They go to the prom together and consider sleeping together for the first time, but feel that the timing is off. Eric at times gets insecure about how the world views their relationship, as he himself has trouble seeing his own worth and value. This comes to the fore when a guy Eric hates hits on Donna, and when they go to a disco but only Donna is let in at first and Eric is the last to be let in. Eric is also continually insecure about Donna falling for Hyde, noticeably when Donna's parents start fighting and she suffers from it, confiding in Hyde instead of Eric.Eric and Donna's relationship gradually grows and Donna confesses to Eric that she loves him, only for him to respond that he loves cake. Eric gets his act together after many attempts and tells Donna that he loves her as well. After Donna's parents renew their vows, Donna expresses to Eric that he was the inspiration for her vows and they have sex for the first time. Eric believing he has brought Donna much disappointment by, "Being lame in the sack", is reassured by Donna that sex can only get better from their first time. Their relationship appears to only have become stronger, yet it gradually starts falling apart, when Donna becomes more serious about her work as a DJ at WFPP, which irritates Eric as Donna is very content focusing on her job. Eric feels that she isn't taking their relationship or him seriously, as she would blow off dates to work. Donna tries to make Eric see how important her job is to her, and that, regardless of all the rock stars she may encounter, she is mad at him for not trusting that she is faithful to him. A lot of their strain in this time stems from Eric's continued insecurity that he's never going to be 'good enough' for Donna or who she really wants to be with later in life. This was already evident when David Milbank hit on Donna and she berated Eric for not trusting her. Eric tries to hold on by giving her a promise ring and Donna returns it to him saying she can't make those kinds of promises, which breaks Eric's heart and he ends their relationship, breaking Donna's heart. Eric and Donna stay separated, but manage to figure out a way to stay friends. This is shown when Eric goes to pick up Donna to go to the prom, but stays with her while there are tornado warnings in their town. Donna develops a romantic interest in Casey Kelso (Kelso's older brother), which everyone but Eric (and later Michael) seems to approve of. When Casey and Donna break up, Donna runs to Eric to be consoled only for Eric to tell her he wasn't going to be a rebound for her. Distraught, Donna chooses to run away to California with Michael (who on the other hand is running away from Jackie). Eric realizes how much of a mistake he made after talking with his parents and leaves to find Donna, deciding to lay on her bed until she returns, only to find out later she ran away to California with Kelso. Eric goes to California at the end of summer to tell Donna how much he loves her and that he wants to be with her and they reconcile. Eric decided that he wanted something big for him and Donna and he decided to propose to her on the Water Tower. Their engagement was disapproved by many especially Eric's father Red, who felt Eric wasn't being wise. Eric took Red's cruel punishment and received his blessing for doing so. Eric and Donna decided to move to Madison to start their life together and want to do so but are held back after Red suffers a heart attack. Donna is still moving away to college, but stays until the last bus to spend Eric's 18th birthday with him. But she proves that she can't leave him because it is too much of an adjustment to her life. Donna and Eric go through premarital counseling because of their pregnancy scare and this is where they decide to stop having sex until they are married. Eric and Donna go through all the premarital events like wedding shopping and even Eric destroying Donna's wedding dress. As the day approaches, Eric begins to have second thoughts after a dream he has. When it was time for the wedding rehearsal, Eric was a no show only to leave Donna in anger. He comes back to explain his cold feet and Donna explains her cold feet as well.Donna and Eric remain together even after their called off wedding. In the end of Season 7, Eric moves to Africa to teach kids in order to pursue his dream of helping people. In almost every episode Eric somehow makes a mess in his relationships with Donna, then makes it worse and near the end of the episodes wins back her heart. Eric even cared for Donna throughout Season 4 when they broke up and when she ran away to California. Later he proved his love to Donna in the beginning of season 5 when he went to California to bring her back. Later that season he proposes to Donna with the idea of a secret marriage which later became known to everyone. Eric later breaks off the engagement in fear that he is holding Donna back and that she will leave him. He later comes back to talk to Donna in the middle of the night and she decides to forgive him and they just return to a regular relationship. When Eric left to Africa in the end of season 7 he and Donna grew apart. He came back in the series finale and the two shared a kiss. Eric made peace with her and the two got back together at the end of the series.

Being the show's main character for the first seven seasons, Eric appears in many storylines. The show opens with Eric, a scrawny, socially awkward 16-year-old, dealing with his ever-evident and growing crush on the girl next door, Donna Pinciotti. During this time, Eric obtains the signature 1969 Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser and takes it out of town, despite his father's warnings not to. This, evidently, impresses Donna and leads to the pair's first kiss. The next episode, Eric's Birthday set on March 5, 1976 (originally making him born in 1959), sees the pair dealing with their kiss as well as Eric's long-awaited 17th birthday. As the series progresses, Eric's friends' influence over him begins to surface as he finds himself arrested due to Kelso being caught driving a stolen car while he was a passenger, due to an earlier ban on his Vista Cruiser. Eric and Donna soon share a first date, but all goes awry as Donna becomes intoxicated due to a mix-up with the drink order, causing an awkward and uncomfortable experience for Eric. During the high school prom, the two decide to rent a nearby motel room for after, though ultimately decide not to engage in intercourse after receiving the attention of fellow students. Coinciding with the beginning of his relationship with Donna, Eric must deal with killing his grandmother when he screamed at her, sharing a rare bonding moment with his father Red, and his best friend Hyde's abandonment. It is Eric who ultimately decides that Hyde should move in with them. Season 2's episode, "Halloween" revealed that it was Eric who causes Hyde's downward spiral to rebellious stoner due to Eric framing Hyde for the destruction of a classmates school work. The pair end up in an argument, but all is resolved as they choose to forget it ever happened. Eric is suspended from school for smoking on school property after taking the blame but is allowed to return to school when the truth is later revealed. He also received his first steady job from his father at PriceMart and Donna and Eric lose their virginity to each other at Midge and Bob's renewal wedding vows. Throughout season three, the pair's relationship holds a steady foundation despite Eric's constant awkward antics, such as accidental sexism and pantsing Donna. However, things take a turn for the worse as Eric's offer for a promise ring is rejected by Donna and he decides that if she doesn't see a future with him they should break up. Despite it being his decision, this leads him to spiral into depression, dreaming at one point what it would be like if he had never dated Donna. He is angered on several occasions as Donna deals with their breakup and the downfall of her parents' marriage by acting insultingly toward him, even publishing in the school's newspaper a story that parallels their relationship. He is also resentful of her relationship with Michael Kelso's older brother Casey, who is offensive and smug. When Donna begins acting out due to Casey's influence, Eric becomes concerned but refuses to take her back the evening Casey breaks up with her. Regretting it instantly, Eric goes to find her to once again reconcile, and learns that she and Michael have taken off for California where they spend the remainder of the summer. Despite his parents foreboding, Eric takes off after Donna and they reconcile instantly and continue their relationship. Later, Eric contemplates in front of his friends the idea of proposing to Donna, something they all instantly point out the idiocy. However, the two do get engaged as he proposes, somewhat awkwardly, atop the water tower. After taking the SAT's he realizes he got the lowest score of the group, even getting a worse score than Kelso,[9] prompting him to work harder in order to marry Donna. Eric also thinks hard about his future, choosing to move to Madison with Donna. In the fifth season, Eric and Donna become engaged, despite widespread discouragement (and anger, in the case of Red). Eric caused Red to have a heart attack as a result. However, they refuse to call off the engagement and remain engaged until the end of the sixth season. Eventually, they both begin to experience pre-wedding jitters and Eric, acting upon these feelings, skips his wedding rehearsal. He then returns in the next episode and Donna forgives him. After spending much of 1978–79 lazing around, Eric eventually decides he needs to do something with his life. This prompts many attempts to find a long-term career. It is not until a conversation with friends that he realizes his passion is in teaching. However, Red has spent Eric's college money on his muffler shop, but the guidance counselor at Eric's former high school offers him the choice of a fully paid education if he first spends a year teaching in Africa. Eric accepts, much to his mother and Donna's dismay. After a few weeks of preparation and receiving the cold treatment from Kitty and Donna, Eric packs his bags and prepares to leave. With the blessing from Red and forgiveness from his mother and Donna, he drives off with the Vista Cruiser to a hearty farewell. Eric's family includes his doting mother, Kitty Forman, who has impending separation anxiety and menopause, his crabby father, Red Forman, who is a strict Korean War military veteran, and his older sister, Laurie Forman, who is a promiscuous blonde who uses her looks to get what she wants. Eric's best friend, Steven Hyde, who was essentially abandoned by his parents, later becomes his foster brother. Eric was the show's protagonist from seasons one through seven until he was written out due to Grace's departure from the series. However, despite Eric's absence, he is mentioned at least once in all 22 episodes of season eight. He makes a brief cameo appearance in the final episode titled "That '70s Finale." Due to Eric's departure from the show at the beginning of its eighth season, Eric was no longer the central focus of the show, though his character was still heavily used to influence elements of it, and he's mentioned in every episode of the season. Picking up a month after the seventh season's finale, Eric is revealed to have successfully become accustomed to his job teaching in Africa. As Donna's relationship with a new character Randy begins to intensify, it becomes apparent that Eric has broken up with her yet again. Eric returns home on New Year's Eve to reconcile with Donna, welcome the new year in with his friends and continue his teaching career.

A nice guy at heart, Eric is a stereotypical nerd/geek, scrawny and somewhat clumsy. He is not at all athletic and shows little interest in sports. He is a smart-aleck teenager with a lightning-fast wit and a sarcastic and deadpan sense of humor. He also lights "incense" with his friends in his basement. Eric is also known to screw things up a lot, which is parodied throughout the series. Eric is often picked on for his slight stature and other characters have likened him to "Opie" (for the character Opie Taylor, from The Andy Griffith Show), and Archie Andrews. Other unfortunate nicknames include "Foreplay" (by Casey Kelso), "Foreskin" (by Donna), "Zitty Stardust" (in reference to him being unable to take a zit-free yearbook photo), "Scrawny Little Neighbor Boy" (by Hyde), and "Dumbass" (by Red). His girlfriend Donna is physically stronger, smarter and larger than he is, a fact which is cause for many jokes by all who know them. Donna is seen beating everyone individually on more than one occasion. Though physically weak, Eric can show a surprising amount of courage and even physical power when necessary. When incensed enough, he will stand up to anyone, including his father and during these moments he can be surprisingly eloquent. He stood up to Red when he was troubled about Kitty's apparent pregnancy and told him to be a man for her. He also stands up to both of his parents in his insistence on marrying Donna, despite their repeated attempts to stop him. He threatens Casey Kelso with serious injury if he hurt Donna and even defended his father by punching another teenager (David Milbank) who had informed him that Red will eventually lose his job at the auto parts plant. He also beat a Green Bay Packers fan up during a game, after the fan (along with Red) repeatedly insult Eric for wearing a Chicago Bears jersey; however, Eric turns to violence only when the fan insults Red for telling him to stop arguing once the game was over, as Red only saw the argument as being appropriate banter between opposing fans during the game. This made Red proud enough to remark that his son had the "Forman Rage." Eric's best friend is rebel Steven Hyde. When Hyde's mother leaves town at the end of the first season, Eric tries to persuade his parents to do something about his best friend's living conditions and thus Hyde is invited to live with the Formans, which he does for most of the series. When Red is quick to throw Hyde out after an arrest for drug possession, Eric attempts to help him by proving Red's hypocrisy. Of his group of friends, Eric seemed to dislike Jackie the most in the beginning, though as the series progresses, they develop a friendship. Throughout, the two have a clear "frenemy" relationship. They demonstrate their annoyance with each other, but show compassion for each other many times, and through it all, are close. At the series' beginning, Jackie admits to trusting and liking Eric, confiding in him that she might be pregnant. In "The Pill," for example, she says to Eric's surprise, "Look, I've always been able to trust you—and, god, you are such a nice guy." Later in the episode, once Kelso threatens to break up with Jackie, Eric yells at him, having developed protective feelings towards her. This proves that their burning of each other throughout the show is only for laughs and friendly bickering, as none of their hostility is ever serious. Eric is consistent in ignoring Jackie as an object of sexual desire, but this changes in "What Is and What Should Never Be" where Hyde helps Eric realize that Jackie is "hot." After this, Eric has shown to have a sexual attraction to her, as shown in many episodes. Jackie is, at times, demeaning towards Eric due to his effeminate qualities, dorkiness and physical weakness. They have been known to occasionally help each other out. In the episode "Jackie's Cheese Squeeze," Eric admits that they are "friends," as long as they don't refer to each other as such in public, and in the season seven finale, Jackie calls Eric from Chicago and admits that she's always cared for him, and that he was always very special to her. Eric is a well-known fan of science fiction, such as Star Trek and especially Star Wars, in which he compares himself to Luke Skywalker. He is also known to have a large, beloved collection of G.I. Joe. He listens to artists such as Led Zeppelin, KISS, Aerosmith, Pink Floyd, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Deep Purple, Queen, Styx and Rush. He is also a Beatles fan and has been known to liken his group of friends to them, accusing Jackie of "breaking up the band" with her romantic entanglements with Kelso and Hyde (calling her Yoko, in reference to Yoko Ono). It is also hinted that he is both a Batman and Spider-Man fan, having Spider-Man bed sheets and a considerable number of comic books, most of them bearing the Marvel Comics logo with the titular character on the covers. When he fights a fan at the Packers game, he tells Red that he learned his moves from Spider-Man; coincidentally, Topher Grace starred as Eddie Brock, a character who obtains powers very similar to Spider-Man, thus transforming him into the monstrous Venom in Spider-Man 3 in 2007. Eric has had many typical teenage jobs over the series. He has worked at Fatso Burger, PriceMart, a dog food factory and as a waiter at the Holiday Hotel. In the beginning of the series, Red vehemently opposes Eric's attempts to get a job during the second season citing that it would interfere with his schoolwork and make it harder for him to get into a good college located far away. Kitty supports Red by saying Eric's job is being her "precious little baby boy." When Eric announces his marriage proposal to Red and Kitty, Red fires him from his job at PriceMart so he couldn't make the money to get married. Kitty costs him a potential job at a bank for the same reason. Red and Kitty even go so far as to revoke their offer to pay for Eric's college tuition in a final act of desperation to put a stop to the wedding but are unsuccessful. In season seven, Eric is ridiculed by his father when he takes a year off from school and work to contemplate his future and enjoy being lazy. Eric takes pleasure in the contempt Red has for this decision. Eric is usually very supportive of his friends, even though it is very rarely reciprocated. On several occasions, when the group find themselves in a predicament as the result of a prank gone awry or some other unforeseen circumstance, the rest of the group would take off, leaving Eric to absorb the brunt of the trouble, after which the group (mainly Hyde) would hassle and tease Eric for getting into trouble (as in "Stolen Car," "Eric Gets Suspended," "Eric's Hot Cousin" and "Rip This Joint"). This has much to do with Eric's trusting nature and indicates that what he lacks in physical strength and courage, he more than makes up for in strength of character. Eric however, has been known to get his revenge on his backstabbing friends from time to time, such as when Kelso took the group on a "dine-and-dash" without telling them and the group eventually abandoning Donna and Eric at the restaurant. Eric and Donna get their revenge by serving a batch of brownies which they referred to as "special" brownies. However, in this case, the "special" ingredient that Eric and Donna include is a chocolate-flavored laxative. This was a particular problem for Fez, whose girlfriend had arrived to make amends with him, just as he was running for the bathroom. At times, however, Eric's friends will come to his aid when he's truly at the end of his rope. However, Eric is also quick to stand up for himself whenever he feels he has been wronged by his friends' actions. Eric is also quite stubborn, which has on several occasions brings bad luck to himself. For example, when Donna calls from California and when Kitty tries to tell him, Eric refuses to even listen to his mother and (when he finds out the call) later scolds her for not telling him. Also, when Hyde is about to get kicked out of the Forman's house for his drug use, Eric tells Red that he also does drugs (despite Donna telling him not to), only to find out that Hyde is allowed to stay. Another prime example is during his first break-up with Donna: he refuses to see the signs that she is hesitant to say they will always be together, even when Hyde tries to explain it to him, and when faced with the truth chooses to end the relationship rather than accept Donna is not ready. (However, he would later on acknowledge it was unfair for him to pressure Donna.)

Eric's relationship with his parents is characterized by his attempts to prove to them that he is mature and independent. Eric's father, Red, is a notorious authoritarian and often refers to Eric as "dumbass" and "boy". He frequently threatens "to put his foot in Eric's ass". Red finds Eric lacking the qualities which he feels a grown man should possess, including physical strength, sportsmanship, and interest in manly pursuits, like hunting and fishing. Despite the fact that Red's strict parenting often prevents intimate father-son moments, Red truly cares for his son. On rare occasions, Red displays genuine fatherly love such as in "That Wresting Show" and "Street Fighting Man", as well as when he learns that Eric is a good hunter and chose not to shoot a deer because he didn't want to. Oddly, Eric is, in many ways, a younger version of his father. Both display a dry sense of humor and tend to be the sanest people in their circle of friends. Eric's mother, Kitty, typically supports Eric against the wishes of her husband and she often scolds Red for being too hard on him. However, she also does not consider Eric to be a man and often refers to him as her "precious little baby boy." Eric appreciates his mom's support but her overblown displays of affection often leave him feeling embarrassed. At times, Kitty's love for Eric borders on Hitchcockian. His mother is often insecure about being replaced by Donna as the woman in Eric's life. Their rivalry is played up in many episodes (often comically, but sometimes to the point of it being problematic). In theory, she's okay with a sexual relationship between Donna and Eric (even pressing the two to discuss it with her); however, in reality, she goes into a depression after learning that Eric and Donna had sex and considers Donna a harlot who has stolen her baby boy away from her. Eric reassured Kitty that he would always need her because, "[Red]'s going to be riding [his] ass for the rest of [his] life". When Eric tells his parents about his plan to spend a year teaching in Africa, his mother is less than thrilled. This is most notably and comically presented when, the morning after his announcement, Kitty fixes everyone at the breakfast table a smiley-face breakfast with eggs and bacon and then hands Eric a plain pancake and says, "nothing smiling up at you, nothing". Even with a couple of days before his departure, Kitty reveals that she hid mailed notifications that Eric must receive certain vaccinations before he can leave. Eric protests his mom's actions but she still tries to dissuade him, stating that the needles used for the vaccinations are "as big as sausages" and "will hurt a lot." In the episode "Eric's Birthday," the gang is acutely aware that Kitty has planned a surprise party for Eric, despite her claims to the contrary. This annoys Eric because he believes that surprise parties are for kids, which indicates that Kitty won't accept the fact that he is becoming a man. However, throughout the episode "Magic Bus," Eric expects Kitty to throw him a surprise party even though she and the gang constantly tell him that there is no surprise party. He becomes upset when he realizes that his mother is telling the truth. After Eric disobeys his parents' orders not to go forward with his plans to marry Donna, Red finally deems Eric a man and offers his blessing while a devastated Kitty turns on Red for allowing her "precious baby boy" to get married. Though Eric and Donna call off the wedding, they decide to move, which causes Kitty even more grief. She's even less pleased when she learns that Red is fine with it. Eric's relationship with his older sister, Laurie, is based on mutual ridicule and contempt. Eric repeatedly mocks Laurie for being a whore while she chides him for being weak and less favored by their father. On several occasions, Eric and Laurie have tolerated each other and have even shown a brother-sister bond. When Eric saw his parents having sex, Laurie tried to comfort him, which included hugging him and stroking his hand. In the middle of a fight between the two, Hyde tried to break it up, and the two teamed up on him, complimenting each other's insults. Eric once even defended Laurie from Red. After discovering that Laurie moved out and was living with a man, Red, having been forced to face reality about his daughter's behavior and reputation, attempted to alienate her. Sympathizing with her, Eric attempted to defend Laurie, saying that Red was being too hard on her. Laurie once told Eric and Donna to move away after they got married and even cried during her apology. Eric tasted the tear and, having deemed it legitimate, replied "I have a sister!" and hugged her. Laurie appeared to have turned a new leaf but soon regressed to her old habits of mean-spirited and lascivious behavior.

Donna Marie Pinciotti is a main character on FOX comedy That '70s Show. She is portrayed by Laura Prepon. Donna was born on February 13, 1960 to Bob Pinciotti and Midge Pinciotti. Donna is an intelligent, witty, red-haired (she later changed to blonde after her marriage to Eric was called off), tall (5'10), rather strong, athletic teenager with feminist ideals, who is outwardly confident and strong, sometimes to the point of coming across as arrogant or self-righteous, though usually laid back and easy going. She calls upon these personal qualities to deal with her personal issues, such as the shaky relationship between her father and mother, Midge & Bob Pinciotti, who had her when they were still in high school. However, she has some difficulty expressing her feminine side, for fear that displaying traditional feminine traits will serve as a betrayal of her feminism. She dons skirts and dresses for special occasions, but mostly wears jeans and pants in her day to day life. Donna has grown up one of the guys, hanging out with Kelso, Eric and Hyde since she was very young. She comes across as laid back, but is not afraid to give out to the guys when they are being idiots or sexist. She enjoys hanging out with the guys, but has outside interests such as writing poetry and short stories, and dreams of living in New York as a writer or a DJ one day. These dreams often clash with Eric's conservative views of what marriage is and what kind of future he wants for him and Donna, which is why they break up at one point. Hyde understands this, while Eric at first refuses to acknowledge their differences. Donna's job as a radio DJ, to Eric, takes priority over their relationship, as Donna blows off their dates. While Donna genuinely feels she is right to do this, as she is following her dreams of becoming a music journalist, her actions provoke a bad response in the normally even-keeled Eric, who feels Donna is not taking him and their relationship seriously. Eric breaks up with Donna when she returns his promise ring and much awkwardness ensued over rights to the basement and trying to get along while exploring new romances. Donna is bemused at just how many girls are interested in Eric and happily mocks his attempts at finding a new girlfriend, although when some of them work, she does not take it quite as well and later confesses it hurt her when Eric started dating.Her mother Midge leaving her father and moving to California, followed by her father's relationship with Joanne Stupac, does not help matters. Donna starts dating Casey Kelso, Kelso's older brother. Though flaky and rather older than her, Donna considers Casey a real winner of a boyfriend, seeming to her good natured, laid back, and easy going. Donna feels she is hit the jackpot with Casey and everyone else agrees – except Eric, who sees Casey for what he is: an oversexed frat boy who just wants to date Donna until he is bored. Eric tries to warn Donna but she ignores him. When Kitty and Eric witness Donna drunk in the middle of a school day at the Hub with Casey, Kitty rallies Red and Bob to bring an end to relationship with Eric awkwardly overseeing the proceedings while Hyde, Kelso, Jackie and Fez listen from the kitchen. Donna is more than ready and willing to fight for Casey, who she thinks loves her, but Casey is not ready or willing to fight for her and he readily agrees to break up with her when Red puts the pressure on. Casey lazily says that Donna is a great girl and fun to hang out with, but he stated the relationship has gotten to be too much of a hassle. The realizations of her own over-confidence, poor judgement and being dumped in front of the people who means the most to her come as quite a shock to Donna, who regards herself as an ideal feminist, but who had fallen for the exact kind of jerk she always swore she had never look twice at. Hurt, humiliated and heartbroken, Donna turns to the one person she thinks still truly cares for her - old boyfriend Eric Forman. Eric offers his sympathy, but when a shaken up, crying Donna tells him she wants to be his girlfriend again, Eric refuses believing that she did not really want him for who he is but simply wanted a way to feel better about herself and would most likely dump him when someone better came along. A tearful Donna pleaded with him to take her back but he refused to be her "second choice". Was he just a rebound? Unable to handle being rejected by her first love, an emotionally-wrecked Donna fled Point Place for California, where she crashed with her mother and tried to sort out her feelings. She decided she truly did love Eric and tried to call him but could not get hold of him; she suspected he no longer wanted her and moved on to another girlfriend and became rather depressed. But then, to her delight, Eric showed up in California looking for her, and the two reunited and returned to Point Place. Shortly after their return, Bob punishes Donna's disappearance without a word by transferring her to Catholic school for her senior year, which Donna despised, to put some distance between her and Eric. This only furthers the Romeo & Juliet aspect of Eric going to California for Donna, in their relationship and Eric ignores the objections of their friends and proposes to Donna at the Water Tower and she accepts. Once Red and Kitty find out about the engagement, they are shocked, Kitty in particular, who claims that Donna is trying to snatch her "baby" away from her. Despite enduring a great deal of flack from Red (far more than usual) Red eventually accepts his son had become a man and gave them his blessing. Donna and Eric prepare to leave Point Place after graduation to attend college in Madison. However, just as they were packing their stuff in the Vista Cruiser, Fez and Laurie announced their marriage. Red was so shocked he had a heart attack, and as a result Eric had to stay in Point Place and help support the family. Donna also gave up going to college in Madison so that she could stay with Eric. Eventually though, their wedding fell through at the end of season 6 when Eric, worried that marrying Donna would eventually leave him because this is not the life she wanted, did not to show up for their rehearsal.When Eric leaves for Africa, Eric and Donna are still together. However, Donna tells her friends that Eric had broken up with her, when Fez and Jackie suspect that she is cheating on Eric with the new guy, Randy. Donna tells them that Eric broke up with her three weeks earlier. There were hints leading up to the breakup when Eric called Kitty but not Donna, even though she was awake at 4AM waiting for him to call her. Also, when Donna was at the Formans' for Red & Kitty's 25th anniversary, Eric called his parents and Kitty gave the phone to Donna, but Eric spoke to her only briefly before bailing out, claiming he had to "go teach". Eric and her shared a kiss after he returned to Point Place for New Years Eve. Before this, she dated Randy after the break up with Eric, and then realized her relationship with Randy would interfere with her plans of seeing the world, and a possibility that she was still in love with Eric so she broke it off. Eric and Donna two got back together and get married in the future. Donna is last seen running upstairs to the living room in an effort not to call Red a "Dumbass". Hyde and Donna are in many ways a great match, which is displayed in their close friendship throughout the series – Donna talks to Hyde when her parents have problems, and leans on Hyde when Eric ditches her before their wedding. Hyde feels they would make a great romantic match as well, but Donna chooses Eric, which is later argued to be the right choice in Eric's subconscious by his guardian angel (which could be construed as the show shutting down any notion of Hyde and Donna for good). Hyde is very sweet in his pursuit of Donna at first, even having Kitty teach him how to dance so he can dance with Donna. Later, while Donna shows obvious interest in Eric, she also makes her disinterest in Hyde's blatant advances clear. Hyde and Donna are very similar: Both do not display vulnerable emotions often, although their good hearts often betray their sentiments, they are laid back, very intelligent and very direct and honest with their friends. The major difference, however, is that Donna comes from a stable, loving home, while Steven does not and even so, Donna needs the stability of Eric's parents when hers act immaturely and neglect to provide Donna with a 'normal' home life. Eric and Donna have been next door neighbors ever since they were children. When Donna first moved in and first met Eric, she punched him in the stomach for looking at her funny. It was at that moment that Eric fell madly in love with Donna. They later became the best of friends and hung out with each other all the time. Eric's love for Donna continued on and on, but he didn't admit his love for her until they were 16 in 1976, when Eric Forman takes his car out of town when explicitly told not to, and impresses Donna who decides to give him their first kiss. They don't start going out immediately, but take their relationship slowly, unsure how to show their interest in each other and getting advice from their friends on how to act now that their relationship has changed. When the gang goes to a disco, Eric doesn't dance with Donna, but later admits that he hates disco and went because he likes her, which is the first time he tells Donna how he feels about her. They go on to discover many firsts together, like making out at the drive-in and what it means to be exclusive as teenagers, when Eric kisses another girl.Meanwhile, Hyde is still competing for Donna's affections and they both give her Christmas gifts, while Donna in turn, give both the guys Christmas gifts, although she signals her interest in Eric by giving him the watch he wears for the remainder of the show, while she gives Hyde socks. They go on their first date on Valentine's Day and during the date, Donna unexpectedly becomes intoxicated, which only makes the experience more uncomfortable than it should have been, for Eric especially, as he wanted to give her his class ring. Despite Hyde showing up and professing his feelings for Donna one last time, Donna chooses Eric. Their relationship becomes very public when Bob accidentally finds out that Midge put Donna on the pill, then Kitty and Red find out, although Eric and Donna aren't sleeping together. They go to the prom together and consider sleeping together for the first time, but feel that the timing is off. Eric at times gets insecure about how the world views their relationship, as he himself has trouble seeing his own worth and value. This comes to the fore when a guy Eric hates hits on Donna, and when they go to a disco but only Donna is let in at first and Eric is the last to be let in. Eric is also continually insecure about Donna falling for Hyde, noticeably when Donna's parents start fighting and she suffers from it, confiding in Hyde instead of Eric.Eric and Donna's relationship gradually grows and Donna confesses to Eric that she loves him, only for him to respond that he loves cake. Eric gets his act together after many attempts and tells Donna that he loves her as well. After Donna's parents renew their vows, Donna expresses to Eric that he was the inspiration for her vows and they have sex for the first time. Eric believing he has brought Donna much disappointment by, "Being lame in the sack", is reassured by Donna that sex can only get better from their first time. Their relationship appears to only have become stronger, yet it gradually starts falling apart, when Donna becomes more serious about her work as a DJ at WFPP, which irritates Eric as Donna is very content focusing on her job. Eric feels that she isn't taking their relationship or him seriously, as she would blow off dates to work. Donna tries to make Eric see how important her job is to her, and that, regardless of all the rock stars she may encounter, she is mad at him for not trusting that she is faithful to him. A lot of their strain in this time stems from Eric's continued insecurity that he's never going to be 'good enough' for Donna or who she really wants to be with later in life. This was already evident when David Milbank hit on Donna and she berated Eric for not trusting her. Eric tries to hold on by giving her a promise ring and Donna returns it to him saying she can't make those kinds of promises, which breaks Eric's heart and he ends their relationship, breaking Donna's heart. Eric and Donna stay separated, but manage to figure out a way to stay friends. This is shown when Eric goes to pick up Donna to go to the prom, but stays with her while there are tornado warnings in their town. Donna develops a romantic interest in Casey Kelso (Kelso's older brother), which everyone but Eric (and later Michael) seems to approve of. When Casey and Donna break up, Donna runs to Eric to be consoled only for Eric to tell her he wasn't going to be a rebound for her. Distraught, Donna chooses to run away to California with Michael (who on the other hand is running away from Jackie). Eric realizes how much of a mistake he made after talking with his parents and leaves to find Donna, deciding to lay on her bed until she returns, only to find out later she ran away to California with Kelso. Eric goes to California at the end of summer to tell Donna how much he loves her and that he wants to be with her and they reconcile. Eric decided that he wanted something big for him and Donna and he decided to propose to her on the Water Tower. Their engagement was disapproved by many especially Eric's father Red, who felt Eric wasn't being wise. Eric took Red's cruel punishment and received his blessing for doing so. Eric and Donna decided to move to Madison to start their life together and want to do so but are held back after Red suffers a heart attack. Donna is still moving away to college, but stays until the last bus to spend Eric's 18th birthday with him. But she proves that she can't leave him because it is too much of an adjustment to her life. Donna and Eric go through premarital counseling because of their pregnancy scare and this is where they decide to stop having sex until they are married. Eric and Donna go through all the premarital events like wedding shopping and even Eric destroying Donna's wedding dress. As the day approaches, Eric begins to have second thoughts after a dream he has. When it was time for the wedding rehearsal, Eric was a no show only to leave Donna in anger. He comes back to explain his cold feet and Donna explains her cold feet as well.Donna and Eric remain together even after their called off wedding. In the end of Season 7, Eric moves to Africa to teach kids in order to pursue his dream of helping people. Jackie appoints herself as Donna's best friend early on, often giving her advice that sounds superficial and useless but often turns out to be unnervingly true (example: Eric would never want Donna to be his girlfriend if she kept beating him at everything, especially sports). The haughty Jackie genuinely thinks that she is better looking than Donna and that Donna is in general not attractive, interesting or popular--yet still thinks Donna could do better than Eric. Though they are as different as night and day, Donna eventually accepts Jackie and decides to keep an eye on her and keep her out of trouble, since Jackie does not always show the best common sense, but eventually around early season two the two become best friends.

Donna's relationship with next-door neighbor Eric Forman is often the main focus of the series. However, it is tumultuous at times, having suffered two break-ups during the show's run. Despite this, Eric and Donna often act as the "parents" of the group, being mature and responsible when their friends are not, for example in episodes like "Dine and Dash". Another episode that illustrates their parenthood of the group is when they have just broken up and Eric takes them all out and returns late. He and Donna engage in an argument because Eric gives Fez ice cream and Donna is angry because he wouldn't be hungry for dinner. When Fez is going to be deported, she and Eric become upset because "their" Fez is leaving. Eric is sometimes threatened by his feeling inferior to her, especially during the third season, when she gets a job as a disc jockey. Donna and Eric lose their virginity to each other in the beginning of season two, after many failed attempts. Their sexual activity is revealed in a very humiliating manner, when a policeman catches them having sex in the back of Eric's car and takes them back to his parents home, where Red forces Donna to tell her parents or else he would tell them. In the beginning of the series, Hyde is also interested in Donna along with Eric. Donna makes her choice clear, however, when she blows off her "study date" with Hyde to hang out with Eric. Even after the relationship between Eric and Donna is established, for a short time Donna usually goes to Hyde when she feels unsure about her relationship and needs to talk about it. In such circumstances, Hyde usually refers to her as the "hot neighbor girl" and Eric as the "scrawny little neighbor boy", or some variation of these. Though a romantic relationship between Donna and Hyde is never established, Hyde initially likes Donna and would have been interested in her if Eric had not kissed her first (as stated in the episode "It's a Wonderful Life"). Hyde still tries to win Donna in the beginning when she and Eric aren't together. There are even some comments by Fez during that season that mock Hyde over these failed attempts. When the group goes to Jackie's father's cabin for a ski trip, Hyde decides to kiss Donna and is slapped for his efforts, ending his infatuation but not their close friendship. Hyde never shows any significant interest in Donna again. Toward the end of season three, Donna's job as a disc jockey is taking priority over her relationship with Eric, causing her to cancel their dates. While Donna genuinely feels that she is right to do this and is simply following her goals through to their logical conclusion with wanting to be a writer and a newswoman, her actions provoke a bad response in the normally even-keeled Eric, who feels that Donna is not taking him and/or their relationship seriously. Unable to resolve the conflict, Eric breaks up with her in the third season finale "The Promise Ring". Throughout season four, much awkwardness ensues over rights to the basement and trying to find new relationships. Donna is a bit annoyed at just how many girls are interested in Eric and happily mocks him when his attempts at finding a new girlfriend backfires. When she finds out he dated another while they were apart (he kept it a secret), she is absolutely furious, believing he cheated on her. During the fourth season, Donna begins dating Casey Kelso (Luke Wilson), Michael Kelso's older brother. Even though he is flaky, a few years older than she is and against Donna's feminist beliefs, Donna thinks Casey is the perfect boyfriend, since he seems to be sensitive, good-natured, laid-back and easy-going. Eric sees Casey for what he is: an oversexed frat boy who just wants to sleep with Donna and move on to the next girl. Eric tries to warn Donna but she ignores him and he then threatens to hurt Casey if he hurts Donna. Donna ends up skipping school to get drunk with Casey. When Eric and Kitty witness this, they (along with Red and Bob) decide to intervene. In an animated discussion in the Formans' living room, Casey dumps Donna, deciding that his relationship with her is not worth the hassle, and admitting that he never loved her. The realization of her own overconfidence, poor judgment and being dumped in front of the people who meant the most to her come as a shock to Donna, who regards herself as an ideal feminist, since she had fallen for the type of man she always swore she would never be with. Hurt, humiliated and heartbroken, Donna turns to Eric, who offers his sympathy. When a shaken-up, crying Donna tells him she wants to be with him again, he refuses, believing that she does not really want him for who he is, but simply wants a way to feel better about herself and would most likely dump him when someone better came along. A tearful Donna pleads with him to take her back but he refuses to be her "second choice". Eric is unwavering in his decision, until his father and mother point out to him that he is being an idiot. Even Kitty, who normally dotes on him, calls him a "dumb ass". Unable to handle being rejected by her first love, an emotionally wrecked Donna flees Point Place for California, where she lives with her mother and tries to sort out her feelings. She decides she truly does love Eric and tries to call him but can't get hold of him; she suspects he no longer wants her and has moved on to another girl, leaving her rather depressed. But then, to her delight, Eric shows up in California looking for her, and the two very romantically reunite and return to Point Place. When Donna comes home from California, the normally easy-going Bob sends her to a Catholic school as punishment, an act that Donna deeply resents and hates for the remainder of the school year. This occasion also gave the writers/creators an opportunity to change Donna's common "lumberjack" attire as she now wore, for a few episodes, the school's uniform consisting of a plaid skirt, a white shirt and long white knee-high socks. Her new looks also provide openings for jokes from the boys about Donna's sexiness, which underlies their views of her throughout the series, no matter what type of attire she is wearing. In season five, Eric ignores the objections of their friends and proposes to her at the water tower, which Donna accepts. Once Red and Kitty find out about the engagement, they are shocked. Kitty in particular, reacts badly, claiming that Donna is trying to snatch her "baby" away from her. Despite enduring a great deal of flak (mostly from Red), Eric stays loyal to Donna and their marriage plans. Because of this, Red accepts that his son has become a man and gives them his blessing. Donna and Eric prepare to leave Point Place together and go to college in Madison. However, just as they are packing their stuff in the Vista Cruiser, Fez and Laurie announce their marriage so Fez can stay in the country after graduation. Red is so shocked at this, he has a heart attack. As a result, Eric decides to stay in Point Place and help support the family. Donna ends up putting off going to college in Madison so that she can stay with Eric. Eventually, their wedding plans fall through at the end of season six when Eric, worried that marrying Donna would hold her back, fails to show up for their rehearsal. After Eric's departure from the show between seasons seven and eight, it is assumed that they still keep the relationship intact. However, Donna tells her friends that Eric has broken up with her in the eighth-season episode "Long Away", when Fez and Jackie suspect that she is cheating on Eric with the new cast character, Randy (Josh Meyers). Donna tells them that Eric did this three weeks earlier. There were hints leading up to the breakup when Eric calls Kitty but not Donna, even though she is awake at 4AM waiting for him to call her. Also, when Donna is at the Foremans' for Red and Kitty's 25th anniversary, Eric calls his parents and Kitty gives the phone to Donna, but Eric speaks to her only briefly before hanging up, claiming he has to "go to class".Donna then begins dating Randy, seemingly without regard for her long-standing relationship with Eric. However, she ends the relationship when she realizes that things with Randy are moving too fast, and that she is using him as a substitute for Eric. This is further evidenced when Kitty catches Randy and Donna kissing in Eric's bedroom, and she accuses Donna of replacing Eric with Randy, departing from her usual rivalry with Donna over being the main woman in Eric's life.In the final episode, Eric returns to Point Place for the New Year and he and Donna kiss. They end up getting back together again at the end of the series and the end of the 1970s. Donna resides in the fictional Wisconsin town of Point Place, where she lives with her parents, Midge and Bob Pinciotti. Early in the series, her younger sister, 14-year-old Tina (played by Amanda Fuller), appears in the episode "Eric's Burger Job"[1] but is never seen again, nor do other characters mention her after the first season. At the end of the season 2 episode "Vanstock", this is made fun of when a narrator asks "Whatever happened to Midge's other daughter, Tina?" Donna also has an older sister, Valerie Pinciotti ("Eric's Birthday"). She is apparently in college as revealed by Midge. As Eric is turning 17, Midge shows Kitty a book of poems that helped her "when Valerie went off to school". These are examples of "Chuck Cunningham Syndrome" (see Happy Days). An intelligent, witty teenager with feminist ideals, Donna is outwardly confident and strong, at times to the point of coming across as arrogant, self-righteous, and overconfident. She calls upon these personal qualities to deal with her personal issues, such as her parents' shaky relationship and the revelation that they conceived her while in high school. She believes that she's had it the hardest out of the group until Hyde is revealed to have faced most of these problems and not once complained. The characteristics and physical appearance of Donna Pinciotti were actually based on a girl who grew up in the same neighborhood as Mark Brazil in Dunkirk, NY. Donna actually dated Hyde and never was with Eric, AKA Mark Brazil. Though despite her overly confident attitude, she herself has her own insecurities such as her big feet, her parents' screwed up marriage and her trust in her relationship with Eric. A prime example of this is in the episode "Eric's Panties". Eric has an attractive girl as his lab partner who has a reputation of being a slut. At first, Donna doesn't really care but she finds panties in his car and genuinely believes that Eric cheated on her. She shows a completely insecure side of herself and is more than prepared to hurt him. They are later revealed to be Midge's panties from when she and Bob had sex in Eric's car. She has some difficulty expressing her feminine side, because she views traditional feminine traits as restraining and outdated. She dislikes skirts, makeup, and dresses, and insists on wearing jeans at all times, but she will dress nice for special occasions and tried "being pretty" for her prom and for a trip to a nightclub, where the bouncer judged her "foxy". As another exception, after her wedding with Eric was called off, she decides to change her looks and dyes her hair blonde. Jackie Burkhart repeatedly calls Donna a "lumberjack" and a "giant", due to her penchant for plaid shirts and her tall stature. She even described Donna by saying "She's nice and all, but she kinda dresses like a trucker". She also teases Donna for her gargantuan feet, calling her "bigfoot" and saying things like Donna's shoes are big enough for Jackie to fit her own shoes into. Nonetheless, Donna still considers herself feminine, at times becoming insulted when people overlook it. When Kitty Forman needed two people with a "feminine touch" to decorate for Hyde's birthday party, she chose Jackie and Fez. An angry Donna wanted to "kick her ass" for that, insisting "What the hell? I'm feminine! Damn it, why can't anybody freakin' see that?!" This suggests that while Donna takes pride in her feminist beliefs, she still considers herself feminine, and simply doesn't want to restrict herself to "girly" activities. In several episodes, she is flattered at being perceived as an object of desire, especially when she becomes "Hot Donna" at a radio station. Jackie appoints herself as Donna's best friend in the early seasons, often giving her advice that sounds superficial and useless, but often turns out to be unnervingly true. For example, in the "Battle of the Sexists" episode, Jackie states to Donna that, "Eric would never want her (Donna) to be his girlfriend if she kept beating him at everything, especially sports". Jackie genuinely thinks that she's better looking than Donna, ever since their first meeting in junior high and that Donna is generally not attractive or interesting, yet still thinks Donna could do better than Eric. When angry or annoyed at Donna, Jackie will often refer to her as a "giant" or "Amazon"; when Donna goes blonde, she calls her "blonde tardo". Despite their differences, Donna eventually accepts Jackie and decides to keep an eye on her and keep her out of trouble, since Jackie doesn't always show the best common sense, and on more than one occasion, Donna has ridiculed Jackie for her stupidity and small stature, calling her a "midget" or "mosquito". All five of the boys have harbored sexual feelings toward Donna. In addition to Eric, three of the others attempted to sleep with her (Kelso attempts to seduce her after going to roller disco, Hyde at Jackie's ski cabin and Fez impersonating Eric in a Storm Trooper outfit; none of these attempts are successful) and four have romantic interest in her (Eric, Hyde, Casey and Randy). Despite many of the guys' obvious attraction to her, she only dated two of the main characters, with Jackie having the most boyfriends within the main cast. Donna is with Eric for six seasons, and she is hoping they could have been together, but as she says herself: "It was all Eric's fault for taking that stupid job."

Jacqueline Beulah “Jackie” Burkhart is a main character on the FOX comedy That '70s Show. She is portrayed by Mila Kunis. Jackie was born September 24, 1960 to Jack Burkhart and Pamela Burkhart. Jackie is the self-absorbed, snobby, rich girl and girlfriend of Kelso, Hyde, and then Fez. She is introduced in the pilot episode primarily as Michael Kelso's girlfriend. She likes to give advice which often sounds typically thoughtless and superficial, but turns out to be occasionally correct. She is rich, spoiled, conceited, and irritating, and is never really invited into the circle of friends--but believes she has a VIP pass into the group because she is dating Kelso, who is a member. Despite these characteristics, Jackie is popular at school, and has been voted Most Popular and Best Legs, and was the runner-up Snow Queen. She is also something of a Chatterbox, rambling on about things that no one has any interest in. She often is shown thwarting the affinity with others in the group due to her self-absorbed persona. While she can be very manipulating, she is shown to have her serious moments and be very kind. Jackie is also known to be very insecure about herself as when she dated Hyde, every time he made a comment about another lady she immediately became insecure about herself and demanded him to call that lady ugly. She is also insecure about having stuffed animals which later Laurie later teases her about.After her breakup with Kelso in Season 2, Jackie keeps hanging out in Eric's basement, a sign that her status has grown. These gradual changes make her character develop a defined character arc. However, she still heavily keeps part of her valley girl persona intact and she still looks at herself as the personification of what a woman should be. Even though by the last episode she has only kissed four people on-screen, she is made to sound like a slut. In the last circle Fez tells Eric, "I have kissed Jacqueline Burkhart" to which Hyde replies, "So has everybody else", although he may just have been referring to those in the circle, even though Eric has not kissed her at all during the show run. Also in another episode Donna mentions she got a job by "tying her shirt up in one of those sexy knots", to which Hyde mentions, "Jackie does that. We never pay to get into Six Flags!" She also like to dress in revealing clothes to show off her figure. During the first season, Jackie is in her sophomore year of high school, making her approximately 15 years old. She appoints herself Donna Pinciotti's best friend. Due to her extreme haughtiness, Jackie believes Donna is unattractive compared to herself, and also kinda boring - but as she states in numerous episodes, she believes Donna could do much better than Eric (though in the Season 7 finale, Jackie reveals that she has always cared for Eric as a friend, as Jackie calls to talk to Eric specifically for the first time ever). Despite their extremely different personalities, Donna decides to play big sister to Jackie and often tries to look out for her when she feels Jackie is making a mistake, more often than not due to her lack of common sense. Sometimes Jackie is the voice of reason for Donna, as evidenced in the Season 2 episode Kiss Of Death, the same episode in which Jackie realized that Kelso was cheating on her. After her father was sent to prison in the middle of Season 5, she moved in with Donna and the two became best friends. Jackie has mostly an acquaintanceship with Eric, though she has teased a close friendship several times. Eric is the only male friend out of the core four guys Jackie has not dated/kissed. She once told Eric she considered him a best friend and nice guy and he was the first person she revealed to that she was under the impression she was pregnant. She also called Eric before he left for Africa saying she was sorry she could not be there to say good-bye in person and she always thought he was a close friend. Although she is the favorite of Red's, Eric dislikes her, and makes no attempt to hide this. They became even less fond of each other when Eric blackmailed her (for kissing the cheese guy), and Eric continued to dislike her. They did have their moments, such as when Eric convinces Jackie she is right for Kelso (ironically, they break up soon after), and when he stands up to comfort her after she ends her relationship with Kelso. Jackie, according to Eric, makes fun of "us (he and Donna), fat girls, or me". During the course of the series, Jackie becomes an integral part of the "gang" and is considered a friend in her own right, as opposed to because of who she is with.Jackie also has a friendship with Red. Early on, Red remarked she was the favorite of Eric's friends (even though she is not Eric's friend) for her ability to hold a flashlight on a car. Jackie has run crying to Mr. Foreman's arms no less than three times, all of which he objected to. Red finds Jackie as annoying as everyone else, but does sometimes takes her side in arguments. However, in light of Red's doting relationship with Laurie and his tendency to side with Donna over Eric, and also how much he cares and tries keeping Kitty happy, it could be argued that he simply has a soft spot for women. In the beginning, Jackie is dating Michael Kelso, an attractive, but dim-witted, partyboy. The two lost their virginity to each other after Kelso and his friends got out of jail for riding in a car that was mistaken for being stolen. Jackie gets on Kelso's friends' nerves on a daily basis and Kelso repeatedly said that he was going to break up with her. But Jackie beat him to it and broke up with him after catching him kissing Pam Macy. However, they got back together in the very same episode. Jackie later broke up with Kelso again after a pregnancy scare, but they got back together later at the Junior Prom. The two's relationship is somewhat of a contrast to Eric and Donna's mostly steady union. The main difference between their relationships is that Jackie and Kelso's relationship was mainly based on mutual obsession and physical attraction while Eric and Donna's relationship was based on mutual differences of ideals and sexual attraction.In Season 2, Kelso began an affair with Eric's promiscuous sister, Laurie, about which Jackie eventually found out and subsequently broke up with him again. Following his subsequent breakup with Laurie, Jackie decided to test Kelso to see if they should get back together, which they did. Kelso remained loyal to Jackie after that and stayed with her throughout Season 4. However, when Kelso began to neglect Jackie as a result of his joining a modeling agency, she was caught by Eric kissing her boss Todd. Kelso eventually found out, and went to ambush Jackie's boss. However, Jackie's boss was a blackbelt and easily beat Kelso up. This event results in a period of discovery for Jackie and Kelso; Kelso realizes he cheated because Jackie always insulted him and made him feel bad about himself. For this, he felt very insecure and angry about it but could not do a thing about it because he never wished to break a woman's heart. Although, when he had said that he was going to break up with her, he had actually meant it and was going to it, but her impulsive and demanding attitude forced him to put his plans on hold. This, combined with Jackie always insulting him, caused him to cheat on her. As a result, he broke up with her because he felt he could not be with someone who made him feel like that. It did not last, as they got back together shortly after.Then in the Season 4 finale, Jackie asked Kelso to marry her, but Kelso freaked out and left for California with Donna. When he returned in the beginning of Season 5 he found out that Jackie had moved on to Hyde, which made him extremely jealous, and he spent the majority of the season trying to get her back. By the beginning of Season 6 however, Kelso had claimed to be over Jackie and was fine with just being friends with her. At the end of Season 7 however, Kelso drives Jackie to Chicago after her break-up with Hyde. He is later seen entering Jackie's hotel room in only a towel, making a comment implying he and Jackie were about to sleep together. Hyde soon shows up, however, and Kelso ran off nude. In Season 8, he considered marrying Jackie, claiming that he did still love her, before he was offered a job in Chicago, but Fez had already told her about his proposal, which made him feel he should do so, but she turned him down when he asked at Red and Kitty's anniversary, much to his own pleasure. Jackie and Steven Hyde were, from the beginning of the show, polar opposites and even enemies. While Jackie was girly, rich, and shallow, Hyde was lower in social class and a rebel in the group. They strongly disliked each other during the first seasons, but Hyde began helping Jackie after her break-up with Kelso in Season 2. This eventually led to a phase in which Jackie was infatuated with Hyde, but her feelings gradually faded and it was not until Season 5, when Kelso was in California, that their romance really began. After watching too much of The Price is Right, the two began making out. At first they did not want to admit that they were dating, but finally gave in. They dated for the most part of Season 5, but Hyde's jealousy caused him to cheat and they broke up. Jackie's relationship with Hyde caused her to be less self-absorbed, making her more likeable to the rest of the gang, and caused them to truly consider her a part of the group. At the beginning of Season 6, Kelso and Hyde were in competition to get Jackie back, because they both still loved her. She decided she needs time to think about it, and left them both hanging, but chose Hyde in the end. Their relationship went on for two more seasons, until Jackie was offered a job in Chicago. She went to Hyde and told him that she would stay if he gave her any indication they would eventually get married. Hyde did not have an answer, but when he did, she was already gone. Or so he thought. Jackie had no way out of Point Place, so in one last attempt to get an answer out of the man she said "meant everything in the world to her", she went over to the basement. Hiding his hurt and anger that she had "left" him, Hyde told her to have a good trip. But merely an episode later, Hyde had decided he was going to get her back. He hit a snag, however: during his conversation with Jackie, Kelso walked into the hotel room with a towel around his waist and a bucket of ice in his hands, making a comment that implied he and Jackie were about to have sex. Although Kelso frequently makes sexual comments to every female on the show, including Jackie and Donna, Hyde believed the two really were about to engage in sex, and drove off to Las Vegas. When he came back to Point Place, in the first episode of season 8 he discovered he had married a stripper, Samantha, which effectively ended his and Jackie's relationship. They still remained close friends, but their friendship resembled their frenemy relationship seen in the first two seasons as Hyde would often tease her and talk down on their past romance. This behaviour resembled their animosity in the first two seasons and completely disregarded the character and relationship growth these two had gone through. Throughout Season 8, Jackie remained single. Kelso proposed to her. While she admitted she loved and thought of Kelso as her soulmate, she refused. At the end of the season, Jackie realized Fez had all the qualities she was looking for in a man and they kiss in the finale. But at first when Jackie realized she loved him he said no to her because he thought it only would last for a week and then she would go to another guy. The words he said were "I don't want to be your sloppy third". And the episode after that, Andrew came from the north side of the same island as Fez and he decided to move back to his home country, so as to never have to see Jackie again. Despite this, they get together in the second to last episode of Season 8, but they did not kiss until the last episode, atop the water tower.

Jackie is a self-centered, spoiled, vain member of a wealthy family. She is generally insensitive to the needs and feelings of others, although regarded by many as attractive and fashionable. She is one of the program's most conceited characters, and she can behave quite selfishly. She looks down upon those of lower status in her school and has been said to treat them unfairly, and on the occasions she has treated them with respect, she has not continued to do so for very long or only did it knowing that she could be rewarded for behaving in such a manner, such as when she ran for the title of "Snow Queen" but was utterly disappointed when she loses the election. For the most part, Jackie only cares about herself, and fashion is one of the few other things that she is concerned about. She believes herself to be very beautiful and appealing and has been involved in romantic relationships with Michael Kelso, Steven Hyde, and Fez at different points in the series. She starts to change when she starts dating Hyde and by doing so, becomes cemented as a member of the group. Even after her break up with Hyde, they remained good friends and she continued hanging around. She also becomes less shallow and cares about others. In the season 8 episode "Fun It", it is revealed she has had coulrophobia (an irrational fear of clowns) since her seventh birthday party. Jackie's friendships tend to be complicated. While people might be endeared to her good heart and her triumphs over major life upheavals, her habit of being condescending to others keeps them at a distance.Although she frequently criticizes Donna's dress, physique and feminism, she repeatedly calls herself Donna's best friend. Even though she thinks Donna is boring and unattractive when compared to herself, she believes Donna could do much better than Eric. Despite their extremely different personalities, Donna serves as Jackie's de facto big sister and often tries to look out for her when she feels Jackie is making a mistake, more often than not due to lack of common sense. After her father is sent to prison in the middle of season five, Jackie moves in with the Pinciottis after the Formans learn that she has secretly been living with Hyde in his basement room. Jackie is also defensive of Donna; she displays this often by insulting or kicking Eric for doing something stupid, for example Eric makes a sexist comment so Jackie kicks him in the shin in the episode "Won't Get Fooled Again". Although both girls often tease one another they show genuine friendship. In the episode "Squeeze Box" Donna shows how much she trusts Jackie when she runs in to talk about Eric. Jackie also demonstrates her level of care for Donna when she helps pay for Donna's wedding ring in the episode "No Quarter".Of the group, Jackie and Eric seemed to dislike each other the most in the beginning, though as the series progresses, they develop a friendship. She is more like a sister to him in comparison to his own sister, Laurie. Throughout the series, the two have a clear "frenemy" relationship. They demonstrate their annoyance with each other, but show compassion for each other many times, and through it all, are close. In the beginning of the series, Jackie admits to trusting and liking Eric, confiding in him that she might be pregnant. In "The Pill", for example, she says to Eric's surprise, "Look, I've always been able to trust you—and, God, you are such a nice guy." Later in the episode, once Kelso threatens to break up with Jackie, Eric yells at him, having developed protective feelings towards her. This proves that their burning of each other throughout the show is only for laughs and friendly bickering, as none of their hostility is ever serious. Eric is consistent in ignoring Jackie as an object of sexual desire, but this changes in "What Is and What Should Never Be" where Hyde helps Eric realize that Jackie is "hot". After this, Eric has shown to have a sexual attraction to her, as shown in many episodes. Jackie is sometimes demeaning towards Eric, as she is to almost everyone, mostly due to his dorkiness and lack of physical prowess. They occasionally help each other out. In the episode "Jackie's Cheese Squeeze", Eric admits that they are "friends", as long as they don't refer to each other as such in public, and in the season seven finale, Jackie calls Eric from Chicago and admits that she's always cared for him and that he was always very special to her. Early on, Red remarks she was the favorite of Eric's friends for her ability to hold a flashlight on a car. Jackie has run crying into Red's arms no fewer than three times, all of which left him baffled and uncomfortable. Red finds Jackie as annoying as everyone else, but she still loves him because he's the closest thing she has to a father.

When the show premieres, Jackie is dating Michael Kelso, a good-looking, brainless goofball. She decides to finally lose her virginity to him when he is released from jail after being mistakenly arrested for driving a stolen car. Jackie gets on Kelso's friends' nerves on a daily basis and Kelso repeatedly says that he is going to break up with her. However, in the first season it is Jackie who ends the relationship – twice. First, after Kelso is caught kissing Pam Macy (they get back together in the very same episode) and again after a pregnancy scare. However, admitting that they miss each other, they get back together at the Junior Prom. In season 2, Kelso is seduced by Eric's promiscuous and manipulative sister, Laurie, who later on begins a physical affair with him. Later in the season, Jackie eventually discovers his repeated infidelities and breaks up with him without realizing that Kelso has told Laurie that he is done with her since he only loves Jackie. After this breakup she is openly hostile to Kelso and many things clearly remain unfinished between them. She often insults him in front of his friends to get his attention and just for the sake of bringing him up. By season 3, she does eventually warm up to him. Following Kelso's breakup with Laurie, Kelso apologizes to Jackie for cheating on her because now he knows how it feels to be cheated on as Laurie cheated on him, except he states that what happened to him and Jackie was different because they were actually really in love. After this, Jackie begins to notice that Kelso has matured somehow, so Jackie devises a series of "tests" for Kelso to see if they should reconcile. He passes her tests and they get back together. Kelso remains loyal to Jackie after that and stays with her throughout season four, and they enjoy a happier, more loving relationship. However, towards the end of season 4, Jackie's father tells her that if she stays with Kelso, he will cut her off financially. She ends up choosing Kelso, and gets a job. Later, Kelso begins to spend less time with Jackie as a result of his joining a modeling agency and she is caught kissing her boss by Eric. This event spurs a period of discovery for Jackie and Kelso. After reading Cosmopolitan, Kelso realizes that the reason he cheated on Jackie with Laurie was because Jackie has always bossed him around and made him feel bad about himself. Following this revelation, he breaks up with her (true to form, the breakup doesn't stick and they reunite one episode later). In the season four finale, Jackie and Kelso both agree that they don't want to stay broken up. So, Jackie has Kelso choose to kiss any girl at The Hub to make things even between them and they can move on and be together again. Kelso surprises Jackie when he pretends to look around the room, but ends up choosing to kiss her. Jackie decides that it's time for Kelso to really choose her. Without warning, she brings up marriage to Kelso and decides that they're getting married. Kelso, feeling overwhelmed, runs away to California. When he returns in the beginning of season five, he (along with the others) is horrified to learn that she has begun dating Hyde. Jackie continues to date Hyde for most of the season, but when Kelso introduces Annette to the gang, Jackie finds herself clearly jealous and tells Donna that Michael is still supposed to pine over her. Later in the episode, she claims to not be jealous anymore, but the moment she sees Annette kissing Kelso, she screams, "Get off my boyfriend!" For the rest of the season, Kelso is clearly not over Jackie and doesn't realize that he's indirectly trying to win her back. Towards the end of season five, as Jackie comforts Kelso, he states that no one understands him like she does. In the finale, Kelso and Hyde make Jackie choose between the two of them and she chooses herself. By the beginning of season six, Kelso claims that he is happy and genuinely enjoying their new friendship. He spends the rest of the season trying to move on with his life, joins the police academy and impregnates a girl named Brooke and spends the rest of season 6 and 7 taking care of the baby. Towards the end of season seven, however, Kelso drives Jackie to Chicago after her break-up with Hyde, and Jackie asks him to spend some time with her before he leaves. He is later seen entering Jackie's hotel room in only a towel, implying that he and Jackie were about to sleep together, but runs off nude into the night when he sees that Hyde has come to the hotel to get Jackie back. In the beginning of season eight, with Hyde married to a stripper, Jackie figures out her own life. Kelso considers marrying Jackie and states that the happiest time of his life was with Jackie and claims he still loves her. When Fez tells Jackie what Kelso intends, she considers the proposal and decides that if he asks, she will accept. However, he gets offered a job out of town and realizes he can move on with his life, but Fez reveals to him that he has already told Jackie of the proposal. Kelso grows angry, and states that he loves Jackie and that he knows in the future, they will be together, but now is not the right time, but since Fez has implied that Kelso will lose all of his chances with Jackie if he doesn't propose now, Kelso ends up proposing at Red and Kitty's anniversary party, though, she turns him down giving practically the same reasons as Kelso, which is that she loves him, but he has a lot of maturing to do and she has her own life to figure out so now is not the right time for them yet. They both feel an unexpected relief, and end on good terms. Jackie and Steven Hyde are, from the beginning of the show, polar opposites and even enemies. She is disgusted by his poverty and crass behavior, he scorns her superficiality and materialism. They strongly dislike each other during the first season, but begin to form a bond when Hyde helps Jackie cope with her breakup with Kelso in season two. This leads to a brief period in which Jackie is infatuated with Hyde, but her feelings gradually fade. It isn't until season five, when Kelso is in California, that their romance begins. After watching The Price Is Right together all summer, the two begin making out every time they have a moment alone. When their friends discover the relationship, they each insist that they are not dating and that it is purely physical, but finally give in and admit that what they have goes deeper than just sex. They date for most of season five until Jackie sees Kelso kissing Annette and yells "Get off my boyfriend!" Hyde reacts angrily to this and grows suspicious of Jackie. When he sees Jackie holding Kelso in her arms, knowing Jackie and Kelso's long history and on-off relationship, Hyde assumes that something must be going on between her and Kelso again. Despite her pleas that she was only comforting him and that nothing untoward happened, he doesn't believe her and he takes revenge by spending the night with another woman. When he realizes that Jackie has been telling the truth, he confesses his infidelity. A heartbroken Jackie ends the relationship immediately. In the beginning of season six, Kelso and Hyde are in competition to get Jackie back because they both still love her. She decides she needs time to think about it, leaving them to wait and agonize, but chooses Hyde in the end. Their relationship goes on until Jackie is offered a job in Chicago. She is torn between her relationship and her professional ambition, but tells Hyde that she will stay if he can gives her the merest hope that they will eventually get married. Hyde has no immediate answer, and when he finally decides, he is upset to realize that she has already gone (or so he thinks). Jackie has no way out of Point Place, and in a final attempt to get an answer out of Hyde, she goes to the basement. Hiding his hurt and anger that she "left" him, Hyde tells her to have a good trip. Hyde decides he still wants her, and goes to her Chicago hotel to persuade her to take him back. During his conversation with Jackie, Kelso walks into the hotel room with a towel around his waist and a bucket of ice in his hands and implying that he and Jackie were about to have sex. Hyde goes to Las Vegas. When he comes back to Point Place, he has impulsively married a stripper named Samantha and she follows him back to Wisconsin. This effectively ends his and Jackie's relationship. Throughout season eight, Jackie remains single. She and Hyde, no longer together, have since remained good friends. However, their behavior regresses to how it was in the earlier seasons. Fez tells Jackie that Kelso intends to propose to her, and she decides that she will accept, but after considering it, she turns him down claiming that though she loves Kelso, he still has a lot of maturing to do, and now is not the time for them to be together. Feeling that she is in a low point in her life, Jackie decides to find someone that would be perfect for her and writes out a list of what she wants in a man. She is surprised to find out that Fez matches everything on the list. She denies this at first, but quickly comes around to the idea and decides to wait for Fez to come to her. Fez, however, is clueless of her attraction to him and is instead seeing other women at the time, which makes it hard for her. Jackie then chooses to go to him. She kisses him and asks if they can be together because he is the one good thing in her life right now, but Fez turns her down, feeling that she is treating him as a last resort, citing how she has already dated both Kelso and Hyde. Jackie then goes to the bathroom and cries, but immediately after vows revenge on Fez. She flushes his toothbrush, microwaves his lotion, and ruins his car with graffiti. To get back at Jackie, Fez dyes her hair green, and says that now she is ugly on the outside like she is on the inside. Hurt by Fez's words, Jackie decides to move out. However, she later learns through one of his friends that he loves her and wishes that he had never said those things. They eventually reconcile and in the final episode, Fez and Jackie finally get together and kiss atop the water tower.

Steven James Hyde III is a main character on FOX comedy That '70s Show. He is portrayed by Danny Masterson. Steven was born November 28, 1959 as the illegitimate son of William Barnett and Edna Hyde, legal son of Bud Hyde, and the foster son of Red and Kitty Forman. Hyde represents the adolescent of the seventies that was suspicious of government and organizations. In the first couple of episodes of the first season, Hyde was comparatively less intelligent than in later episodes and more "street smart". However, Hyde quickly falls into the role of the intelligent "tough guy". His intelligence is often undermined by his refusal to apply himself, but he is one of the smarter members, if not the smartest member, of the group. Hyde was actually a child prodigy, and might have gone on to do great things if not for a frame-up in elementary school where he was blamed for destroying a classmate's science project, which Eric had actually done. Hyde, like Eric, has a witty, blunt, and sarcastic sense of humor. He does not seem to take things seriously, but as the series progresses, the compassion, gratitude and love he has for those around him is evident. Hyde's advice is often sought by the members of the group because of his tendency to see things as they are, but his cynicism and his pleasure in seeing a good "burn" sometimes leads him to give his more gullible friends bad advice on purpose to watch their plans end in disaster for his own entertainment. Regarding more serious matters, Hyde shows compassion and empathy and gives his friends very good advice, showing he has a good sense of virtue. He gives the money he makes at the Fotohut to Red and Kitty to help them pay the bills. It is evidenced thus that Hyde has a sense of propriety and responsibility to rival that of his friend Eric's, yet is not proud of it as he is more accustomed to his stoner lifestyle. At the beginning of the first season, Hyde does not care for anyone around him and would much rather spend his time alone. He felt this way probably as a result of his father leaving him as a child and his substance-abusing, negligent mother. After the Formans take him in, and Eric and Hyde are considered brothers, he shows love and gratitude for the Formans and the rest of the group. When he moved in with Eric, he also did several chores around the house to show his gratitude. While Hyde enjoys his reputation as "the bad influence", there is some evidence throughout the show that some of Hyde's behavior had been influenced by his environment. His mother's own drug and police record is referenced throughout the course of the show. In one of the later episodes, Hyde is seen trying to give up pot and takes up exercising and cooking to get away from the habit, but it was his friends who actually pulled him back in, refusing to let him "ruin his life". Hyde despises authority. His displays of rebellion include smoking marijuana and cigarettes, drinking beer, and a devout interest in conspiracy theories. Though he may seem sarcastic and careless, as well as manipulative at times, over the course of the series a more mellow side of Hyde reveals itself through his show of gratitude towards the Formans for taking him in after his mother abandoned him, and his treatment of his significant others in his few relationships. Hyde almost always refers to and addresses his parents by their first names (Edna, Bud) or their initials (William Barnett). This practice of naming parents and other adults was frequently considered taboo in the 1970s, especially when addressing one directly. Eric Forman seems to have picked up a little from this practice, naming his parents when talking to others but not usually when addressing them directly. In contrast to this practice, Hyde usually refers to Kitty as "Mrs. Forman", but usually calls Red by his name, probably since it is a nickname (his real name is Reginald). Hyde holds a great deal of respect for Red and Kitty. His gratitude for them adopting him is very evident, and he tries his best to make them proud. One example of his respect for them is when he was arrested for possession of marijuana, Red was completely ready to throw him out of the house. While Kitty and Eric tried to persuade him not to, Hyde did not because he did not question Red's judgment. Though visibly disgusted with this decision, he simply replied that if Red does not believe that he is good enough to live in his house, or if they do not believe that he is positively influencing the group, then he will leave immediately without question. He was even about to leave peacefully until Red agreed to allow him to stay. Another example is when he is the only one to remember Kitty's birthday. Hyde is highly critical of organized religion. He tells an Episcopalian girl that she believes in "the exact opposite of what [he] believe[s] in". Also, in "Holy Crap!", he claims he does not go to church because it would make him a hypocrite. He specifically states, "While I respect the Judeo-Christian ethic, as well as the eastern philosophies and, of course, the teachings of Mohammed, I find that organized religion has corrupted those beliefs to justify countless atrocities throughout history. Were I to attend church, I'd be a hypocrite". Despite the fact that Hyde mentions God such as stating his hair was a gift from God in "Eric's Hot Cousin", he does not express any sort of religious affiliation.In contrast to the sensitive New-Age men prevalent in the 1970s, Hyde is very traditionally masculine, much like Red Forman. He does not voice or show his emotions often, a notable exception being when he has to tell Jackie he cheated on her in season 5, and other occurrences throughout their relationship. He does fake his emotions sometimes, like crying, but ends up sticking his tongue out and spitting. He does not worry about romantic relationships and women the way Kelso, Eric, and Fez do; he considers himself too "tough" and strong for that type of behavior. He generally acts as though he does not care for anyone, perhaps as a defensive mechanism; however, it is shown during the course of the series that he does care deeply about his friends and the Formans. He also shows compassion throughout the series, sometimes taking responsibility for other people's behavior, such as when Jackie gets caught by the police with marijuana, and when Eric breaks the television screen with a bowling ball. He was there for Jackie when Kelso cheated on her, for Donna when Eric broke his engagement with her, and when Fez was locked in a closet by a group of jocks, he told Fez to "come get him" if they bother him again. By the end of the series, the viewer is shown that although Hyde is not perfect, his morals and intelligence make him a good person. It's shown that Hyde is a deep person with good morals because he cherishes his friendships more than worldly or materialistic possessions. After Hyde's mother abandoned him, Hyde was forced to live on his own in his mother's house. Since he was so poor, he was going to sell the house and live on the streets. After Kitty and Eric saw how miserable Hyde was in the house, they persuaded Red to make his living arrangements better by asking Hyde to move in with them. In the episode "Hyde Moves In", Hyde moves in, but since there are no extra bedrooms in the house, he sleeps in the storage room in the basement on a military cot from Red's days in the war. Hyde finds a job working at the Fotohut for his burn-out boss, Leo, in order to pay his way for the generosity the Forman's show him. After Eric's departure to Africa, Hyde became more of the main character due to his relationship with Eric's parents (his foster parents) and marriage to Samantha. Hyde's best friend, and later foster-brother, is the nice, geeky Eric Forman The two share probably the closest friendship out of the group, shown by how they care and rely on each other and each others' advice. Eric and Hyde met in 1968 at age 9 when Eric asked Hyde to walk him home because he was scared of Donna, because she had punched him.Back then, Eric called Hyde, Steven. But Hyde told him that he goes by his last name Hyde. The two apparently hung out after Eric's mom forced the two to take a bath together. Hyde often calls Eric by his last name though has called him by his first name on rare occasions. Hyde developed a fairly close relationship with Eric's dad, Red Forman, who admired his toughness, lack of showing emotions, and traditional masculinity, all qualities his son Eric lacks. Red became the closest Hyde ever had to a real father after he moved in with the Formans. Red does occasionally feel that Hyde can be a bad influence on Eric, particularly due to his frequent marijuana use, and briefly kicked him out when Hyde was arrested. However, Red has shown more respect for Hyde than his own son, due to Eric's smart-mouth, inability to play sports, and lack of quality work habits.Red even offered a job at his muffler shop to Hyde and not Eric. Red and Hyde occasionally have a one-on-one man talk with each other, a famous one being in the episode "Hyde's Birthday" where Red opposes to Hyde's idea to move out when he was 18. Red states that if Hyde moves out, he is either going to end up at a dead-end job, or go to prison. Red also tells Hyde not to tell Eric about their talk, as Red will make Eric move out when he is 18. Hyde normally does what Red tells him and does not talk back to him, because he knows how much Red respects him. Hyde found a job working at the Foto Hut with his burned-out hippie boss Leo (Tommy Chong). Leo and Hyde created a friendship early on in Hyde's employment to the Foto Hut. In a season 2 episode, Hyde stated he never had a dad, and Leo stated that he never had a son. (Later in the series, however, Leo states that he does have a son.) Leo requests Hyde to be his father, and the two end up having a father/son relationship. In the episode "Magic Bus", Leo thinks of Hyde as the son he never had. Ironically enough, during his tenure in the Foto Hut, he was the more responsible worker between himself and Leo, even telling his own boss off for not doing his job. In season 5, Leo mysteriously disappeared from Point Place, leaving behind a note for Hyde that explains that he was only supposed to be in Point Place for a short while, but ended up staying for 6 years. Hyde was greatly upset by this, but Leo had left him some "film" and Hyde was okay. Hyde and Leo's friendship resumed when Leo returned to the series near the end of Season 7. Steven Hyde had a rough childhood. His step-father, Bud had abandoned him at a young age. Steven continued to be upset with him for years until he finally reconnected with him in season 3. In season 1, Hyde was abandoned by his mother, Edna Hyde who only appeared in the episode Career Day, and was heard in three others. Hyde and his mother generally do love each other but always argued worse than other families. In the end, Edna generally does love Hyde and admits that she was never a good mother. She apparently knew about Hyde's illegal doings, because it is hinted that she is the one that gave him his fake ID to buy beer. Hyde later discovers that Bud is not his real father and was somewhat surprised. Kitty discovers that Bud is not Hyde's real father. Hyde meets his father, William Barnett, who is a black man, making Hyde biracial. Hyde was mildly surprised but got around to it, as to him it explained a lot (his afro, his coolness, and suspicion of the man). He was also delighted to see he picked up some of his father's traits about conspiracy theories. There was brief tension since William believed he needed something from but they overcame it and went out for a drink. After that father and son got along better with the latter giving Hyde a job at his record store.Hyde later meets his half-sister, Angie, who one day dreamed of owning her own record company, but ends up working alongside WB in Madison. Hyde says that he knew Angie "wasn't right" ever since he heard her say that she was a math major. There was a 36,584/1 chance that Hyde's family would be black. Hyde and his sister had problems because she wanted to take over the business while he paid it no mind and had Jackie step in. Despite this, they got along better with Hyde even trying to defend her from being hurt after she started dating Kelso which left Angie touched as she really felt she had a brother. Much later, Hyde gave his blessing for them to date. Early on in the series, he was rarely interested in getting into a serious relationship, and was very cynical about the idea, as portrayed in some of his quips such as "Dating is prostitution, only you do not always get what you pay for". However, as the series progressed, he enjoyed a number of relationships. It was mentioned that his only girlfriend ended up leaving him for his uncle, and when Hyde and Fez make fun of Kelso for being "whipped" by Jackie, Kelso points out that he is the only one "getting any". Friends since childhood, Hyde had always liked Donna, a lot for her physical attributes. He had and still admires her femininity, masculinity, intelligence, and charm.When he noticed Donna was starting to have a thing for Eric in '76, he and him played mind games and verbally insulted each other to win over Donna, despite Hyde initially encouraging Eric to make his move on her.Eventually Donna chose her intuition and urge and went with Eric after Hyde was moving too fast (ex. kissing her unexpectedly) and Hyde not seeming like her ideal boyfriend, with Hyde quickly moving on from pursuing her, although he does compliment her looks and personality in micro and subtle ways at times, no matter if she is present or not. Donna still really loves Hyde as a good friend, wanting the best for him as she believes under his hard exterior, he is a good person deserving of love and happiness. Hyde also really loves Donna as a good friend and wants the best for her. In Season 5, he became paired with Jackie Burkhart. There is foreshadowing of their relationship throughout the series, most prominently at the Forman's Veteran's Day BBQ in Season 3, where Jackie's date Chip calls her a bitch behind her back. Hyde responds by punching Chip in the face, knocking him out. Later that day, after talking to Mrs. Forman, Hyde takes Jackie out for their first date which leads to their first kiss. Hyde also took Jackie to his junior prom in the first season, and he is the one Jackie goes to for comfort when she and Kelso encounter problems in their relationship, prompting him to ask, "Why does she always come to me?" Despite initially loathing Jackie for all that she represents (she is spoiled, shallow, and rich), he has his first real romantic relationship of the series with her. In the beginning of season 5, Hyde and Jackie both say that they are not together, it is just a meaningless fling. Hyde and Jackie's relationship was a very typical 'opposites attract' set up. Hyde tells Eric that he simply ignores Jackie's constant complaining and bossiness and focuses on how "hot" she is instead, although he does become more mature and caring as their relationship progresses. They came together during the summer between Seasons 4 and 5 when they found themselves bored with watching The Price Is Right. The relationship gradually grows into a surprisingly strong one, considering their past conflicts. However, they went through trouble when Hyde mistakenly perceives her to be cheating on him with Kelso. In response, he cheated on her. He sincerely apologizes, but Jackie ends the relationship. He even tells her that he loves her, something he has not said to anyone. The separation is brief, however, and they get back together at the beginning of Season 6. They remain together until midway through Season 7, when Jackie becomes insecure about their relationship and asks Hyde if he can see a future with her. His response, "I don't know", breaks them up briefly, but they reconcile after only a few weeks apart. However, when Jackie is offered a job in Chicago, Hyde allows her to leave. In the very next episode, however, he decides to follow her and propose. In the middle of Hyde and Jackie's conversation, Kelso walks into the room in only a towel, carrying a bucket of ice and making a comment implying he and Jackie were about to have sex. Although Kelso frequently makes sexual comments to every female on the show, including Jackie and Donna, Hyde once again believes the two really were about to engage in sex, and drives off to Las Vegas. Hyde wears an afro and sideburns, and his sunglasses, which he is almost always seen in. He regularly sports jeans, was once failed in PE for refusing to wear shorts, and also has many band t-shirts, which include: Santana, Judas Priest, Eric Clapton, AC/DC, KISS, Led Zeppelin, Jimmy Page, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Pink Floyd, The Beatles, Black Sabbath, Jethro Tull, Jimi Hendrix, The Doors, The Rolling Stones, Ted Nugent, Rush, Aerosmith, John Lee Hooker, The Allman Brothers Band, Blue Öyster Cult, Sex Pistols, Ramones, The Who, and the Grateful Dead. Contrasting with his tough guy exterior, Hyde was once caught on videotape dancing to Frank Sinatra singing. Additionally, following his first breakup with Jackie, he happened to hear B. J. Thomas' "(Hey Won't You Play) Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song" and became a fan of country music. Hyde along with these many bands holds a passionate love of Led Zeppelin, the group he wears most frequently, and when once questioned by his father as to why he wears said shirts he replies "If god didn't want me to wear them so much he wouldn't have made them rock so hard". He also noted that he likes to watch Little House on the Prairie, because it "reminds him of a simpler time". He dislikes the music of Pat Boone, Styx (although he did tap his foot to their music), ABBA, Peter Frampton, Andy Gibb, and Little River Band. In fact, he once even broke up with a girl because she liked the Little River Band.

Hyde is abandoned by his mother, Edna (Katey Sagal), who only appears in three episodes, two of which feature only her screaming voice calling from inside Hyde's house. His stepfather, Bud (Robert Hays), had left some years earlier when he got back together with Edna but they didn't tell Hyde of their whereabouts. A half brother was mentioned once in a Season 8 episode, though not much is known about him. Hyde's best friend, and later foster-brother, is the nice, geeky Eric Forman. The two share probably the closest friendship out of the group, shown by how they care and rely on one another and one another's advice. When Hyde's mother leaves town at the end of the first season, Eric tries to persuade his parents to do something about his best friend's living conditions and thus Hyde is invited to live with the Formans, which Hyde does from season one until the series' end. He is adopted into the Forman family, and lives in the basement of their house. Since there are no extra bedrooms, he sleeps in a small storage room on a cot. When Red kicks Hyde out after an arrest for drug possession, Eric attempts to come to his rescue. Hyde found a job working at the Foto Hut with his burned-out hippie boss Leo (Tommy Chong). Hyde and Leo become good friends until Leo suddenly leaves town because he remembered that he was only supposed to stay in Point Place for a short time, yet stayed for eight years, leaving his family behind. During his tenure in the Foto Hut, he was the more responsible worker between himself and Leo, even telling his own boss off for not doing his job. Hyde and Leo's friendship resumes when Leo returns near the end of Season 7. He gives the money he makes to Red and Kitty to help them pay the bills. It is evident that Hyde has a sense of propriety and responsibility to rival that of his friend Eric's, yet is not proud of it as he is more accustomed to his stoner lifestyle. Hyde develops a fairly close relationship with Eric's dad, Red Forman, who admires his toughness, lack of showing emotions and traditional masculinity, a quality his son Eric lacks. Red becomes the closest Hyde has to a real father after he moves in with the Formans. Red does occasionally feel that Hyde can be a bad influence on Eric, particularly due to his frequent marijuana use, and briefly kicks him out when Hyde is arrested. However, he is often shown to have a deeper respect for Hyde over his own son and occasionally prefers Hyde over him (such as when he offers Hyde a job at his new muffler shop instead of Eric). In the season 6 finale, Kitty discovers that Bud is not Hyde's real father. Subsequently, Hyde meets his biological father, William Barnett (Tim Reid), who is an African American, making Hyde biracial. He later meets his half-sister, Angie Barnett who dreams of one day running her own store, but ends up working alongside Hyde in their father's store. After Eric's departure to Africa, Hyde's conflicts were front and center in the series, mostly due to his relationship with Eric's parents (his foster parents) and his short marriage to Samantha. He experiences conflict with Kelso, who he punches for attempting to sleep with Jackie in Chicago. He also struggles to maintain civility with Jackie and manage his career. Later in the final season, Hyde receives a letter from his father, William Barnett telling him that he is selling his chain of record stores. Hyde, angry at the vague letter, fears that he won't be able to continue the career he loves. This drives him to actually quit "the circle" (although he returns to it by episode's end) Later, Barnett shows up to Hyde's record store to tell him that he sold every store except for the one in Point Place and has granted him sole ownership of the last remaining Grooves. Hyde ends the series as the owner and manager of his Grooves record store. Hyde is a rebellious, distant, wise-cracking boy with no respect for authority and often makes it his main priority to defy as many policies or rules as possible, and seems to take pride in his own disobedience. He is tough, highly intelligent, supremely insensitive and seldom feels compassion for others, and often will make a sarcastic remark rather than show sympathy for somebody who is suffering. In fact, Hyde is easily the most intelligent member of the gang despite his bad upbringing and poor grades in school. It is revealed in the Halloween special that Hyde's reputation is first sabotaged in elementary school, when Eric Forman ruins another student's diorama and Hyde receives the blame, and has since then maintained a reputation as a troublemaker and rebel. Although he rebels against school and other educational activities, he is generally smart, as in the episode "The Crunge", Hyde scores second lowest among the gang, but does better than Eric without textbooks and without applying himself. When other members of the gang need advice, Hyde is usually the only one who gives them real advice. Also, Hyde is physically the strongest (and presumably the best fighter) in the group, although on multiple occasions Hyde has backed down from an aggressive Eric and rarely ever lashes out on Eric the same way he does with Fez and Kelso. On many occasions throughout the show, Hyde beats up Kelso for various reasons, and he is easily stronger than Fez, Eric and even Donna.

Michael Christopher Kelso is a main character on FOX comedy That '70s Show. He is portrayed by Ashton Kutcher. Michael was born on August 28, 1959 to John Kelso. Tall and lanky, he is the dim-witted pretty-boy of the group, coasting through life on his good looks. His behavior is very much in line with a stereotypical oversexed lunkhead. Michael has surprised many by scoring higher on a test than some of his other friends, leading some to believe that perhaps Michael is not dumb, but just naive.Michael is the oldest of the gang, having failed the first grade for his "refusal" to write in cursive and accidental murder of the class bunny. He has been lying about his age ever since. On a trip to potential colleges he claimed that he had been dropped on his head as a child. Michael is one of 7 siblings, including his older brother, Casey, at least two other brothers and a sister (whom Hyde says is an uggo; a term used by Hyde to describe someone who he does not deem attractive, which is somewhat ironic as Michael is constantly referred to as handsome, along with his brother Casey). Michael's interests mainly include watching cartoons, having sex, smoking marijuana, playing with "Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots", toy dinosaurs, dreaming of becoming an astronaut, and incessantly boasting of his God-like complexion. Apart from acting incredibly stupid, Michael is also known to be quite sensitive. Michael is shown in a flashback as a 13-year-old, stating that he is lost all interest in school and academic aspirations, suggesting that he was not always as dumb as people believe him to be. Michael enjoys a good "burn", a painful humiliation to someone. He screams "Burn!" anytime anyone says a burn.Kelso appears to enjoy the music of Led Zeppelin, Foghat, Pink Floyd, Molly Hatchet, Aerosmith, David Bowie, Todd Rundgren, and Peter Frampton. Some of his secrets include being a fan of Styx and having a crush on Jackie Kennedy. Kelso loves dogs. In "Eric's Naughty No-No" he cuddles in the Foremans driveway with five dogs at once. Earlier in the episode he was confessing stuff to Jackie, one of the things which was that one time they were about to fool around and he said that he had washed his hands but he had just finished playing with six dogs. In "Holy Craps!" he is excited that the Petersons have just gotten a new dog, and encourages the gang to go with him to check it out. Michael has a long time relationship with Jackie, played by Mila Kunis, a popular and self-centered cheerleader (coincidentally Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis are married in real life). The two lost their virginity to each other after Michael and his friends got out of jail for riding in a car that was mistaken for being stolen. Jackie gets on Michael's friends nerves on a daily basis and Michael repeatedly said that he was going to break up with her. But Jackie beat him to it and broke up with him after a pregnancy scare. They got back together later. Michael loves a good burn as much as the next guy, even when the burn is at his expense, but generally he does not mean to severely hurt someone, which he often does but most of the time he hurts people by means of accident rather than on purpose. It is revealed on That70sShow.com that the astrological sign of both Michael and Jackie is Virgo. Michael has an affair with Eric's sister Laurie, which leads to Michael and Jackie breaking up again in Season 2. During the next season they get back together after Jackie devises a series of tests to see if Kelso has matured. But at the end of Season 4 Jackie wants to get married and a freaked out Kelso bails on Jackie and helps Donna Pinciotti run away to California. When they return in Season 5 Michael finds out Jackie has moved on and is now romantically involved with Steven Hyde. He tries to deal with it but can not and after Hyde cheats on Jackie, he thinks he has a shot but Hyde wants Jackie back too and fights with him over her. After discovering in Season 6 that Jackie chooses Hyde who will not take her back, Michael decides to help get them back together, and wishes them the best. In the Season 6 a plot-line was added that made Michael the father of a baby girl (conceived in a bathroom at a Molly Hatchet concert) with Brooke Rockwell. In Season 7, he gets involved with Hyde's sister Angie but she breaks up with him after she is transferred to another job (which he gets angry about, although he was going to break up with her anyways). In Season 8, Kelso leaves Point Place, but before he does, he proposes to Jackie and she rejects him (which he is delighted about). It is hinted however that Jackie would have said yes if Fez had not told her first, because she had always loved Kelso and thought of him as her soulmate. He then tricks the gang in the circle into thinking that he was leaving, but was really leaving the next day. Kelso is kicked off the force, making him happily accept a better job as a security guard for a Chicago playboy bunny club from the sleazy owner who is played by guest star Bruce Willis. He returns for New Years Eve and jumps off the water tower with Fez and Hyde (Fez and Hyde try to trick him but Michael's brilliant mind outsmarts their trick, although he then willingly jumps off the water tower anyway for the new decade). He then joins the last circle and calls Red a dumbass. He is also the last character to be seen as the show ends, grabbing the stupid helmet, as he makes his way up the basement stairs to call Red a "dumbass".

Kelso was first introduced in "That 70s Pilot" as Eric Forman's lesser-intelligent, loudly obnoxious friend who is dating a preppy, younger student Jackie Burkhart. But later during the season the couple goes through multiple breakups. Much to his friends' annoyance, he frequently claims to be breaking up with Jackie but does not go through with it, in hopes she'll 'put out' eventually (but instead, Jackie breaks up with him first). Because of her, he misses out on a Todd Rundgren concert, instead spending the evening making out in the back of the Vista Cruiser. As the series progresses, it is later revealed that Michael cheats on his girlfriend (most notably with Pam Macy and Eric’s sister Laurie). At one point, Jackie finds out and banned Kelso from coming to her ski trip, though Michael still attempts to find a way there. Kelso also unwittingly gets his friends into trouble after driving them around in an apparently stolen car. They were arrested, though Eric's connections with his father got them out of trouble. Eventually, Kelso loses his virginity to Jackie, though they go through a scare that she may be pregnant, which turns out to be a false alarm. Eventually, Kelso purchases a van which becomes the main focus of his secondary story during seasons 2 and 3. On one occasion, Jackie wishes to decorate the van resulting in it becoming temporarily covered in stuffed animals, though all were removed soon after. The van becomes the gang's main source of transportation on long distance journeys, such as Van Stock and to the Ice Shack. However, it ultimately meets its fate when it sinks to the bottom of a river. Like Eric, Kelso buys his girlfriend Jackie a promise ring to show how important the relationship is to him. However, while Jackie is overjoyed with her ring, Donna becomes unsure of her future with Eric, causing Eric to break up with her. The fourth-season premiere episode sees Eric envisioning a possible future with Donna, a woman he has not actually met. In this future, Kelso and Jackie have broken up once again only to consistently re-kindle their relationship for a one-night stand every time they reunite. Kelso also spends most of that season attempting to pry Eric from his depression, though ultimately chooses Fun Land over Eric in the second episode, only to get lost and brought back by a concerned mother. The mother, however, kicks him out of her car after he threatens her children following their insults to him, causing Kelso to walk home. Kelso is also elected for Snow King at the snow prom much to Jackie's disapproval. Class Picture is a flash-back episode revealing how each of the gang members met. Kelso and Eric's meeting is not explained thoroughly, though it is presumed they simply met in first grade. However, Forman's first impression of Kelso is remembered as Kelso showing up at the door without pants. After a quick reminder, Kelso exclaimed 'My pants!!' before rushing home. It is also revealed he is the only male member of the gang not to have seen Donna's breasts, though she allows him to see them after. Kelso later invented a day which he named 'Prank Day' where he attempts to prank his friends as many times as possible. During the Season 4 finale, Jackie misleadingly believes that Kelso is proposing to her, causing him to decide to run off to California. After meeting up with Donna, who had recently been humiliated by her then boyfriend and Kelso's brother, Casey, they both take off. When Kelso returns at the beginning of Season 5, he finds out that Jackie has moved on to Hyde, which makes him extremely jealous and he spends the majority of the season trying to get her back. Eventually, Kelso claims to be over Jackie and renews his friendship with Hyde, and begins a relationship with Annette (Jessica Simpson), a girl he had a short relationship with in California. Jackie, in the same manner as Kelso had, becomes jealous and even goes so far as to yell, "Get off my boyfriend!" when she sees Kelso and Annette kissing. Kelso responded positively to this and began to make a big show of it. Annette leaves him at the school dance, telling him he isn't over Jackie, and Kelso soon realizes that Annette is right. So when Jackie breaks up with Hyde, Kelso does all he can to win her over, even competing with Hyde at some point. However, when Jackie chooses Hyde over him, he respects her decision and even helps to bring the two together again. From then on, Kelso and Jackie share a relationship as friends. In Season 6, Kelso is the focus of a major plot twist in which he accidentally impregnates a girl named Brooke in a bathroom at a Molly Hatchet concert. Brooke initially does not want Kelso in the baby's life, much to Kelso's relief. However, a pep-talk from Donna causes him to change his mind as he attempts to prove to Brooke he can be a father. In the seventh season, Betsy Kelso, is born. Brooke leaves for Chicago, giving Kelso permission to see Betsy whenever he can. Kelso becomes a policeman, albeit a bumbling one. He attempts to take his job seriously by growing a moustache and calling himself "Mike," and even going as far as flushing Hyde's marijuana stash down the toilet (in The Circle), but he quickly reverts when Hyde and Fez shave his moustache and made the moustache resemble the moustache Adolf Hitler was famous for. He eventually sets the police academy on fire using a flare gun, but even before then, had broken into the academy and gets his supervisor's squad car stolen by Hyde & Fez. At the end of Season 7, Kelso drives Jackie to Chicago after her break-up with Hyde. When Hyde follows her there to propose, he finds Kelso naked, wrapped in a towel, making a comment implying that he and Jackie were about to have sex. Although Kelso frequently makes sexual comments to every female on the show, including Jackie and Donna, Hyde believes the two really were about to engage in sex, and drives off to Las Vegas, effectively ending his relationship with Jackie. Ashton Kutcher did not renew his contract for the eighth and final season of the series but he appeared in a recurring guest role in the first four episodes of season 8 in order to bring closure to the character. The series begins with Kelso avoiding Hyde after he catches him about to have sex with Jackie in a motel room. When Hyde finally catches Kelso, he punches him in the face and then decides to resume their friendship. With this storyline resolved and the end of Hyde and Jackie's relationship, Kelso resumes his police work duties. However, when Randy and Fez decide to throw a bachelor party for Hyde after his marriage to a stripper, Kelso is fired due to misuse of police equipment and unprofessional behavior. This causes Kelso to wonder what he has going for him and decides that Jackie is the one for him all along. He decides to propose to Jackie, seeing as she was the one he has always loved. He later rethinks this decision, deciding against it after a job offer is given to him. However, Fez had already told Jackie about his plans. Feeling pressured to do something, and scared that he might lose all his future chances with Jackie, he attempts to propose, albeit with a balloon (which is how Jackie wants to be proposed to), at the Forman's anniversary, but Jackie says no, much to Kelso's relief. They both decide they have a lot of maturing to do, many things to take care of in their own lives and, even though they both admit to loving each other, agree that it is not the right time to get married. He then joins his friends for one final circle before his departure. Kelso does not appear in succeeding episodes, although he is occasionally referenced by the remaining characters. He returns, though, in the series finale to welcome in the New Year with his friends, much to their pleasure.

Among Kelso's most famous personality traits are conceit and sheer stupidity, performing a great number of idiocies on a regular daily basis. Despite his stupid nature, he shows moments of shining intellect, demonstrating the ability to do fast mathematical division and fixing Red's Pong machine. During a flashback scene, it is implied that Kelso used to be a bookish, motivated student until Hyde introduced him and Eric to marijuana when they were in junior high. Throughout the series, Kelso has made a large quantity of moronic quotes and performed many dimwitted blunders, and possesses numerous infantile qualities such as enjoying Christmas specials deemed childish by his peers and fussing when something is preventing him from viewing them. It also been hinted Kelso loves dogs. Like the other teenage male central characters of the series, Kelso also possesses an abundance of "horny" personality traits and appears especially fond of the idea of having sexual relations and the willingness to spoil his virginity results in the impregnation of a librarian named Brooke and the birth of a little girl named Betsy toward the end of the series. He fancies himself as quite attractive and capable of winning the affections of women such as Jackie Burkhart, with whom he has shared an on-again/off-again relationship throughout the course of the series. Kelso also likes bands such as Led Zeppelin, Foghat, Deep Purple, Aerosmith, KISS, Ted Nugent, Pink Floyd, AC/DC, The Rolling Stones, The Who and Molly Hatchet. It is revealed in the Halloween special that Kelso is a year older than the other teenagers due to being held back a year in the first grade, which angers Hyde knowing that all along Kelso is legally allowed to purchase beer for the teenagers. It is clear from Jackie and Kelso's relationship that Kelso definitely is not the one wearing the pants in his relationships; he is easily manipulated (Laurie pointed this out once and called him a "tool") and never fulfills his promise of breaking up with his girlfriend, although later it may simply be because he is afraid to break a woman's heart.[48] When he dates Annette in Season 5, he even remarks "It's good to be under someone's thumb again!" with a grin, suggesting he prefers his women to be controlling. After uttering this line, Fez asks him, "What did your mother do to you?" which Kelso answers with a stupid grin. In the Season 2 episode "Kelso's Serenade," he says, "I wish Jackie was still controlling me, I love being on a short leash." Kelso often remarks that he has an entire future planned out for him. He says this several times in the third and fourth season. This was apparently a way to convince others he was mature, but his friends viewed it as boastful and annoying. Kelso's only plan was to coast through his life on his good looks, and when he believes this might not happen, he greatly overreacts. He also has fallen off the water tower every year since Jr. High, a fact either explaining or explained by his idiocy. Kelso is naive and simple-minded compared to his other friends. Also, Fez describes him as being delicate and sensitive. However, as the series progresses, a slight growth and maturity can be seen in his character. It is revealed in the episode "Over the Hills and Far Away" that the origins of his stupidity was because he was dropped on his head as a kid. (which easily upsets him because everyone else had the grace to never mention it).

Fez is a main character on FOX teen comedy That '70s Show. He is portrayed by Wilmer Valderrama. Fez was born August 4, 1960. One of the shows running gags is that no one knows what country Fez is from. Fez is merely the phonetic version of the acronym FES: Foreign Exchange Student. His friends know his true name (the audience does not because when he says his name the high school bell is ringing), It is very long and he says the first five K's are silent. His friends say they are not going to remember it, as seen in a flashback episode so they decide to call him Fes(z) but Kelso suggested that they call him "Captain Poo-Face". What Valderrama was actually saying was the first names of the main actors who appear in the show. It was rumored that his mother and his true native homeland would be revealed in the series finale, but all were proved false. He once said he had Latin pride, which led Red to believe he was Latin. Fez retorted "No, only my pride is". He once said that he could speak Dutch in a job interview, and viewed this as "his strongest point". Also, Fez once claimed his country has never fought a war. In another episode, however, he alludes to the fact that his country "won the war" against Britain. In Stolen Car he referred to his country as "The beautiful island of-" but was interrupted. The last two indicate that he may be Indonesian. In another episode he tells the gang that his ancestors were not Mayan. Fez refuses to ever mention what country he is from.Another running gag for Fez in the show is his accent and slight lisp. Fez also tries to constantly pick up women flirting constantly with Donna, Jackie and even Laurie on a regular basis and he fails miserably every time. Fez's hormones and pervert like instincts always get the better of him and he resort to hiding in a closet like a pervert watching Donna and Eric having sex and has been caught on at least two occasions. Eric and Fez are pretty good friends, playing burns on each other, playfighting like the rest of the guys do, and complimenting each other friendly. Eric is especially helpful in keeping the peace following Red's heart attack over Laurie & Fez's marrying, to help Fez not get deported. Kitty Forman is basically the mother Fez never had. Very supportive, nurturing, smothering, and kind to him, Fez and Kitty have a very tight-knit relationship. Fez loves Kitty's upbeat and strong personality along with her protection of him while Kitty loves Fez's innocence, independence, happy go lucky, sensitive, and somewhat intellectual personality.Their relationship does take a bump in the road however towards the end of the series where Fez shouts to Kitty "You're not my mother!", exclaiming displeasure and disobedience in Kitty's demand for Fez to stop having one night stands. Kitty was very upset and disappointed over the whole ordeal and reminisced over their best moments as she was quiet for a while, which was unusual, especially for Red. Fez later apologized and the duo rekindled with open arms. Hyde and Fez start out by sharing the commonality of being more aware of how to romance girls than Eric and Kelso, while also being the competition to the latter two guys respective girlfriends, Donna and Jackie. Especially around Kelso, Fez and Hyde always share knowing looks and appreciate each other's burns where Kelso is oblivious. They also take to defend each other to the group or protect each other, such as when Eric and Donna post break-up fight over rights to the gang and Fez gets caught in the crossfire, or Fez attacking Kelso when the latter flushes their 'bag' stating that Kelso broke Hyde. Fez is also arguably the only guy not scared of standing up to Hyde and speaking his truth in the face of Hyde's potential retribution. However, this is one of Fez's common traits. The two start out as rivals for Jackie's affections, although she isn't ready to admit that she'd rather be with Fez until years later. Where Kelso is a complete schmuck when it comes to Jackie, and also cheats on her, Fez is suave, a great dancer and a romantic. Fez also tells Kelso straight up what he thinks of him and the two eventually bond over not being able to win Jackie (after Jackie and Kelso break up) and become close friends, although the two do have their moments, such as Kelso often looking down on Fez because he is a foreigner and Fez looking down on Kelso because of his ignorance. The friends have a secret somewhat man crush on each other but will never act on it. In the first half of the series, Fez longingly pined for Jackie Burkhart, worshiping her like a queen (although he was often just as annoyed by her as the other gang). Jackie either failed to realize his love for her or did not act upon it because he was too weird . They did share a kiss in one episode when he mistakenly thought Jackie was opening up to him. They shared another kiss when pretending to be dating to help Jackie keep her job. Michael Kelso, Jackie's boyfriend, quickly socked him in the face. Jackie revealed to her friend Donna that she did enjoy his display of affection. Other times that Jackie has shown a small interest in Fez include the time when he wowed her with his dancing moves at a Disco and when he helped her win at a Roller Disco contest.Jackie got drunk to celebrate her win and hit on Fez. After battling with his light and dark side (shown as two shrunken Fezs on each of his shoulders dressed as Batman and The Riddler), he decided to be a gentleman and not take advantage of her. The two did go on a date when Jackie broke up with Kelso, but Fez was let down when he realised that Jackie had not yet gotten over Kelso. He was also disgusted that she was engorging herself with food.Towards the end of the series, she finally realizes her feelings for him and kisses him but he rejects her. Jackie later sought revenge after being hurt Fez turned her down because of his assumption that she only wanted him because he was "a third base" to Hyde and Kelso. After Jackie's revenge's destruction is done, Fez gets even by ruining her hair and reminding her of all her previous rejections to him and calls her an awful person for hurting her actions. After brief tensions, he realizes his error but is turned away with this failure, he tries to go back to his country. Though after she is persuaded by his friend, she comes to see she genuinely likes him and stops him from leaving. In the Season 8 episode before the finale, the two finally confessed their feelings and become boyfriend and girlfriend.

#archie andrews #betty cooper #veronica lodge #jughead jones #reggie mantle #kevin keller #riverdale #that 70's show

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tomasorban · 6 years ago

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THE ZODIAC: LIBRA THE SCALES

Date of Rulership: 22nd September-23rd October; Polarity: Positive, male; Quality: Cardinal; Ruling planet: Venus; Element: Air; Body part: Back, kidneys, and ovaries; Colour: All shades of blue; Gemstone: Sapphire, jade; Metal: Copper or bronze.

Libra is probably the first sign in which we see a comprehensive exploration of the concept of duality and a conciliation of opposing forces like order and chaos, activity and passivity, truth and falsehood, equality and inequality, and so forth. The sign is primarily concerned with this conflicting relationship and interaction between opposites because it inherently understands that opposing forces in the universe facilitate the fruition of equilibrium. Sadly, this is one theme that more often than not eludes all other archetypes standing along the wheel of heaven. With Libra, we begin to acquire a much deeper understanding of the cosmos as an inhabited space of conscious and superconscious extensions and examine questions such as whether or not two things or people can co-habit the same space and partake in symbiosis. If so, can the two be synchronized in such a way as to foster the allusion that the two are actually one? Can two people or things of variant compositions and teleological hardware be made to step, skip, or even march to the same rhythm? According to Libra, such affiliations can be successfully developed and maintained otherwise the world would lapse into a lapsarian state of war and disarray. The psychological and social friction caused by the everlasting battle between thoughts of yes and no and the actions of give and take mediate compromised experiences from which more than a single person learns and grows. Hence, what we find with the Libran formative force is that it is always juggling with two or more conflicting viewpoints and attempting to harmonize them in such a way as to leave the minds from whence they originated mutually satisfied. When this process of unanimity works it has the power to transmute base matter to gold. Alternatively failure to make peace between them results in negative consequences like alienation, disenchantment, and self-destruction.

“As ye make your bed, so shall ye sleep in it,” says Libra in a stern voice. “Many of the preceding inhabitants of the zodiac–Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, and Virgo–see me as being rather cold, distant and impersonal. I can come across that way, especially when my superego Osiris springs into action. Would you like to know what Osiris tells me every night as I’m drifting off to sleep? He says that everything that exists on the physical, mental, or spiritual planes is subject to the cosmic law of cause and effect. For every action there is a reaction, and for everything that is pushed there will be something pulled away. He also says that irrespective of class, gender, distinction, social rank or privilege, every individual in possession of a soul is born into this world with a dowry. If he or she utilizes this dowry to the best of his or her ability whilst remaining faithfully orientated towards justice and truth, life usually materializes as sympathetic and kind. If, though, egotistic gratification becomes the reason for one to commit social misconduct and misbehaviour, the universe will react by drawing the noose around his or her personal freedom and squeeze the life out of him or her, bit by bit.

On the whole, I think listening to these short lectures on moral and social codes has made me a much better entity. Furthermore, I’m much more apt and skilful at weeding out liars, swindlers, bullies and cowards than I used to be, and can easily detect any irruptions of emotion, cunning justifications and intellectual arguments generated to obstruct pathways to the truth. Don’t you dare think that I’m not a merciful power; there’s plenty of compassion and empathy in me. I can understand how someone’s personal circumstances might compel them to commit a crime against another or humanity as a whole, but that in no way diminishes my belief that violation of another’s rights or social transgression should be punished accordingly.

In any case, I’m a social animal and need to be around people, especially those that share similar interests and are composed of the same moral clay as myself. I feel that people should be treated respectfully at all times; courteous interactions and social etiquette are a must! I cope well with most things, vent occasionally, and can be exceptionally understanding and tolerant of others’ vices. I’m happy to say that unlike many of my co-stars on the zodiacal band, I do fight fairly and respectfully. I also see nothing wrong with looking after oneself. Much can be discerned about one’s personality and character from grooming and personal hygiene. Like attracts like; if I want to attract the beautiful to myself, I too must make an effort to look beautiful. I care what likeminded others think of me; more often than not, looking good steadfast earns their approval so I’m all for it!”

Libra is a sign that is intimately linked to cerebral processes which have governed the evolution of human consciousness and the historic induction of a civilized life based on social parameters, moral codes and conventions. Thus it would be more than appropriate to declare that Libra is a faithful advocate for the acknowledgment of interpersonal relationships between two committed people regardless of race or gender. There is something of the sacred and divine in the love that exists between two committed individuals, and in Libra’s eyes these partnerships should be acknowledged, endorsed and held in the highest honour by all citizens unified under the umbrella of culture. The inclination towards convention is not to say that Libra is narrow-minded, bigoted, or totalitarian in any way, shape, or form–far from it! Libra respects and recognizes all unions of matrimony regardless of the dynamic and nature of the partnership whilst at the same time expressing preference for monogamistic lifestyles. It is not opposed to polygamy, but does not wish to revel in it itself. Libra is a firm believer in the adage that “everyone is born equal” and does not believe in gender-specific roles, colours, or any other qualities quantified and standardized by Western culture in that way.

With respect to its personal life, the Libran psyche can go on forgiving the mistakes and wrongdoings of significant others until it begins to feel a sense of hopelessness. When this threshold is reached, Libra can become cold-hearted, detached and mercilessly unyielding. It should also be mentioned that Librans can be quite charming and seductive and often enjoy flirting more than the sexual encounter itself. They are brilliant schemers and diplomats and will never act on impulse. For a Libran, deliberation is more appealing than immediacy and long-term goals and effects are far more important than fleeting and momentary pleasures. Libra is a cardinal energy and cannot stay inert for too long without becoming restless. Nevertheless it needs intermittent breaks between prolonged periods of activity to diffuse tension and excess stress otherwise its mental health can become afflicted.

There are two symbols associated with the zodiacal sign of Libra. The first, a set of scales, is the only inert object to exemplify a zodiacal sign in the Western zodiac as well as the perfect exoteric expression of Libra’s rudimentary quality–balance. All ancient civilizations, from the Indians and Persians to the Hellenes and Babylonians stood united in attributing to the seventh sign concepts which enabled the universal derivation of order from primordial chaos. The Romans attributed special significance to this sign because the foundation stone of Rome and thus of Italian self-determination was laid on October 4th, a date which falls under the mediation of the Libran house. In ancient Egypt, Libra was inexplicably connected to the concept of maat, a word used to denote the providential state of order, truth, balance and justice and personified as an Egyptian goddess with an ostrich feather strapped to her headdress. In ancient Egyptian society it was widely held that maat had been inaugurated by the gods at the moment of creation and was supposed to be upheld by the pharaoh, the living incarnation of Horus, through temple construction and the enactment of ritual. A surviving body of ancient Egyptian literature coined Instructive or Wisdom Literature illuminates just how vital justice, ethical standards and social etiquette were to the lives of the ancient Egyptians but especially to their eschatological practices and beliefs. Maat played a pivotal role in day-to-day undertakings but it played an even bigger role in the psychostasia, the judgement that was thought to occur following the death of an individual and determined whether or not he or she would continue to exist in an alternate dimension known as the Amenti. According to instructional texts connected to the moral code, any expression of disorder, envy, deceit, rebellion against established authority, laziness, injustice, and ingratitude were crimes against maat and set the individual soul upon the road which led to punishment, an eternal state of non-existence.

The second symbol is an astrological shorthand for the zodiacal sign utilized by astrologers in the creation of astrological charts and looks like a yoke. Interestingly, the ancient Greeks called Libra “Zygos” which essentially means “yoke”. An even more striking parallel exists between this pictogram and the ancient Egyptian hieroglyph used to denote akhet, the horizon or place of the rising and setting sun. In ancient Egypt the just mentioned word was originally used as an ideogram for “horizon” and “mountain of light” until the Ptolemaic Period when Hellenistic culture introduced Chaldean astrology to Egypt and connected the latter with the seventh house of the zodiac. From that moment onwards the word akhet was also a synonym for Libra and was appropriate given that the appearance of the full moon in this sign signals a return of the solar orb to the vernal equinox that might be interpreted as a tipping of the scales in the opposite direction and a reinstatement of universal balance.

In retrospect, both astrological sign and shorthand recall positive elementary and cardinal traits belonging to Libra–tenderness, tranquillity, fondness, orderliness, and sophistication. Dispassion, impartiality, relaxation, and sporadic inertia are also indigenous to its psychic make-up, a notion consistent with a lull in agricultural movement during the transient period of its government. The sign thrives when polar opposites coexist in a state of harmony but any psychological or physiological affliction can throw the scales off balance and result in protean temperaments and wild mood swings. The propensity of this sign to discern both sides of an argument and equate, measure, and quantify all possible trajectories before rationalizing a final judgement marks it as the personal abode of diplomats, judges, governments, and law-makers.

#astrology #zodiac #astropsychology #psychology #consciousness #libra

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buzzdixonwriter · 6 years ago

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White American Evangelical Christians And Their Tribal God

Someone asked me what Christians were afraid of, and as a practicing Christian I said, “Based on our behavior, the thing we fear most is living a Christ-like life.”

Now, this is true for all of us who profess to follow Jesus -- not a one of us claims we’ve got it right, and those among us who come closest would be the first to loudly proclaim they are miserable failures at it and have to work even harder.

But by the same measure there are some who fall far, far short but -- as is always the case -- think they’re living exactly the sort of life God wants ‘em to live.

The Dunning-Kruger effect describes them to a T: People mistakenly thinking they are better than they are.

To quote Charles Bukowski: “The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”

Before that, Bertrand Russell said: “The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wise people so full of doubts.”

Socrates is quoted even earlier: “I am wiser than this man, for neither of us appears to know anything great and good; but he fancies he knows something, although he knows nothing; whereas I, as I do not know anything, so I do not fancy I do. In this trifling particular, then, I appear to be wiser than he, because I do not fancy I know what I do not know.”

The main circuit running through the spine of white American evangelical Christianity is white supremacy.

Not all white American evangelical Christians are hateful, hurtful bigots -- far too many are, but not all.

But it’s impossible to think of any who don’t believe deep in their heart of hearts that the country wouldn’t be a better place if only white people were running it, or that the world wouldn’t improve if they started aping America.

They will allow a token few a place on the podium or at the table, but the white folks want to be in charge and they want to make all the decisions, such as who gets to live where, who can go to what schools, how fairly laws shall be enforced, etc., etc., and of course, etc.

Most of them aren’t bad people and they’ll send money to foreign missionaries and they’ll even tolerate the family member who marries outside their race, but…

…they want to be on top of the societal heap.

While the earliest white settlers to North America brought their own prejudices with them, truth be told it was the absentee landlords and local gentry who most ardently promulgated white supremacy.

Most whites coming to North America from the British Isles were scraped from the bottom of his majesty’s debtor’s prisons and work farms, or religious bigots who lost a civil war and sought new territory where they could exercise their prejudices freely.

While the French and Dutch colonial traders tried to deal fairly with the native people, Anglo and Scots-Irish colonists regarded them as untrustworthy savages who should be driven as far away from “civilized” (read white) society as possible.

The big cash crops of North America could only be grown in what we now refer to as the American South, in a climate that killed off Anglo and Scots-Irish colonials at a prodigious rate.

Since whites could not work the plantations economically, the owners imported enslaved labor from Africa. To soothe the resentments of poor whites, the plantation owners encouraged feelings of white supremacy: “I may be poor, but at least I ain’t black!”

To one degree or another that poison pill has stayed stuck in the back of America’s throat ever since.

As America became an independent nation, the plantation owners sought to expand their political and economic power over the rest of the country.

That meant expanding westward -- and driving out or eradicating the native people who fled there.

It meant coming up with justifications for this genocide.

It meant coming up with justifications for enslaving African-Americans, and not merely enslaving them but guaranteeing that even if they somehow obtained freedom, they would never be equal in status to the poorest whites.

White American evangelical Christians bristle when they’re accused of clinging to their guns and god for comfort, but truth be told they bristle because they know it is true.

When abolitionists began making headway in American politics -- and make no mistake, these were not starry-eyed egalitarians but merely less hateful white supremacists – the rich plantation owners first resisted by sponsoring professors and pastors who pushed white supremacy: The professors proclaiming Darwin proved whites were more highly evolved, and hence superior to blacks; the pastors preaching that the Bible ordained whites should rule over blacks (and while they were at it, men over women as well).

It was a false gospel as anyone who actually bothered to read the Beatitudes could see, but it was a comforting false gospel, telling downtrodden poor whites and anxious middle class whites who feared a loss of status that they were better, they were superior to the black and the red and the brown and the yellow.

They fought -- and lost.

And even while losing conjured up a new false gospel, the myth of the lost cause.

And while that myth took root in the American South, it soon spread its insidious tendrils throughout the nation, tell poor and working class and middle class whites that an evil, overreaching federal government had forced the war of the just, peace loving lily white South for its own insidious reasons.

And doors were slammed in the faces of African-Americans and Latin Americans and native Americans and the immigrants arriving from the east to build our railroads and dig our mines.

As time marched on, it became impossible to hold back demands for justice among the poor of any color, and among the oppressed non-whites in particular.

The rich white oligarchy changed tactics but not strategy.

They attacked labor unions in order to keep whites and blacks from banding together for their common economic and social good.

They attacked all forms of social programs, promoting fundamentalist religious beliefs that said the churches should be the center point for charity and good works in the community.

The churches went along with this, of course; the rich doled their money out wisely.

Despite their efforts, the rapidly changing world forced itself into white complacency.

Minorities and women began moving into the workplace in large numbers.

Civil rights were spreading slowly but surely.

Again the rich attacked progressive ideas, branding them as “socialist” or “communist” and using the boogey-man of Marx’ anti-religious sentiment to tell white evangelical America that they would be deprived of their churches, deprived of their status, deprived of their privilege as white people if the government was allowed to continue its civil rights programs.

And again, the churches responded by attacking progressive ideals and reinforcing white prejudices.

But they couldn’t keep non-whites and women from demanding and obtaining their basic civil rights.

Kinda hard to deny ‘em when they’re written into the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution.

(And once again, no illusions here; the founding fathers thought those rights would only apply to white men such as themselves who owned property, but they had enough integrity to leave the back door unlatched so others in the future could come in and share the bounty.)

As minorities and women and gays began moving into the public sphere, white evangelical Christians began moving out.

Oh, they had their reasons, they cited Bible chapter and verse, but they cherry-picked their verses, ignoring the repeated calls for Christians to love one another without judgment, to be generous to a fault to those in need, to shun wealth and prestige and be servants of the down trodden (who in most cases had been down trodden by those very evangelicals).

White American evangelicals retreated from the public sphere. “Our kids ain’t going to school with no *****! We’ll send ‘em to a Christian school -- hell, we’ll homeschool ‘em!”

And bit by bit, step by step they created a separate white culture…

…but in doing so they needed to abandon the Christianity of Jesus and embrace a new god.

That god -- ‘scuse me, idol -- they constructed to worship is a false-god, a god cast in their own image: Petty. Ugly. Limited. Stupid.

Tribal.

A god who rewards his chosen with wealth and power and prestige over others

A god who effective bars others from joining his chosen

A god who wages war on those opposed to him

A god who packs prisons

A god who blocks hospital doors

A god who shuns the desperate

A god who starves the destitute

A god who turns orphanages into slave labor camps

A god who requires no real repentance

A god who demands incessant worship and affirmation

A god who lets his followers off scot free, but inflicts harsh judgment on others

A god indistinguishable from a cruel, capricious, vindictive abusive father

…a god, in other words, just like them.

Small wonder they worship Donald Trump so blindly.

There is a book that is almost never read in America today, a book that pretty well defines the kind of person who is a white American evangelical Christian: Babbitt by Sinclair Lewis

It isn’t exactly banned, but they sure don’t teach it.

It’s a pretty damning indictment of white American evangelical Christians.

Lewis thought he was writing about the bourgeoisie and in truth he was.

It’s just that in this country, bourgeoisie = white American evangelical Christian.

Babbitt should be our new prophetic work, a book warning us about what we have become, reminding us that there is a better way, but it’s not the way found through mindless consumerism and hucksterism.

Babbitt is the white American evangelical Christian god exposed as a naked emperor.

Small wonder many white American evangelical Christians shun the Bible and embrace ///Atlas Shrugged/// as their new holy book.

You cannot serve both Christ and Ayn Rand.

#Trump #evil #morals #ethics #Christianity #religion #organized religion #bigotry #Evangelical #white supremacy #politics

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o-craven-canto · 3 years ago

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The (somewhat condensed) biography of the average dictator, from the opening chapter of The Dictators (Jules Archer, 1967), which condenses together the biographies of eighteen 20th-century autocrats (Lenin, Stalin, Khruschev, Mussolini, Ataturk, Chiang, Mao, Trujillo, Batista, Castro, Duvalier, Salazar, Hitler, Franco, Sukarno, Tito, Peron, Nasser), eight of whom were still in power during writing.

1934 August 29. Joseph Fralini is born in a mud hut in Bulvakia. His parents are half-breed peasants in a country where the people are wretchedly poor. Bulvakia is ruled by a corrupt Parliament of aristocrats under King Alfredo IV.

1950 January 14. Extremely bright, Joseph wins a scholarship to study for the priesthood in the Bulvakian Orthodox Church. Reading Marxist books in secret, however, turns him against the church. At nineteen he leaves the monastery to take a law clerk's job at beggarly pay.

1958 August 7. He becomes a student and disciple of Alexander Lenovar, a great liberal lawyer and crusader for social reform. The corrupt royalist regime tolerates Lenovar's criticism as simply token opposition.

1962 May 1. May Day. Encouraged by Lenovar, Fralini leads a demonstration against the government. The King's troops attack the crowd. One hundred twelve persons are killed. Fralini is arrested and flung into jail.

June 4. A small group of admirers bribes a guard and helps Fralini escape to Karteg, center of the peasant protest movement. He organizes his followers into an armed band. July 10. With their ranks swelled by recruits, Fralini leads them in raids on large feudal estates. They seize arms, kill aristocrats, and dynamite some mansions. July 21. Bulvakian Army forces, led by Genera Misha La Grande, surround Karteg at midnight. Trapped, Fralini and his aides are arrested and jailed again. September 16. Accused of leading the dynamite raids of July, Fralini cries to a crowded courtroom, "I not only admit it - I am proud of it! My followers and I will never stop figting until Bulvakia is free of tyranny!" September 19. He is exiled from Bulvakia. He escapes the deaht sentence only because the government fears making a martyr of him and inflaming popular discontent. October 30. Alexander Lenovar feels the time is ripe for a liberal opposition movement. He begins to build the Bulvakian People's Party in secret.

1963 March 4. Disguised by a beard, Fralini steals back into Bulvakia with a forged passport and a new name - Casmir. He joins Lenovar, who needs funds for the party. April 11. Casmir leaves for the south of Bulvakia with a small band of "men of action" like kimself, to begin a series of daring bank and mail-train robberies. October 2. With plenty of money on hand, Casmir begins building a strong Party organization in southern Bulvakia. November 10. On signal from Lenovar, he leads a peasant uprising against some big plantations. The landowners are driven out of the province.

1964 January 19. Casmir divides up the land among the peasant and sets up village cooperatives. February 3. Fearing full-scale revolution, the King's ministers advise an old trick - uniting the country behind the government by warning of athreat of invasion from tiny Pogary to the west. Propaganda broadcasts begin. March 8. Bulvakian forces are mobilized for war. March 19. In the Party's paper, The People's Voice, Lenovar denounces the government for trying to drag the Bulvakian people into an imperialist war of aggression. May 21. Lenovar and Casmir clash violently over tactics. Casmir wants to call for a week of uprisings to stop war preparations. Lenovar refuses, afraid this would give Parliament a pretext for using the Army to crush the Bulvakian People's Party and censor The People's Voice. Reports seep out that the two men are not speaking to each other. August 7. Casmir is expelled from the Party. November 16. A new paper appears, The Bulvakian Masses. It calls upon the nation's workers to support a war on Pogary, pointing out that revolution thrives in wartime. Publisher and editor of the new paper is Casmir. November 25. Lenovar denounces him as a traitor to the working-class movement, and accuses him of having made a deal with the government. Where, otherwise, did Casmir suddenly get the money to publish an expensive new paper?

1965 January 1. Casmir leads a mass pro-war demonstration to the steps of Parliament. January 2. The Bulvakian Parliament votes unanimously to declare war on Pogary. The King signs a proclamation. May 12. Casmir volunteers for the infantry. July 18. Wounded, saving two soldiers under fire, he is decorated for bravery. Accepts promotion to corporal, but refuses officer's commission. "I came from the common people," his paper quotes him as saying, "and I shall always stay one of them - in war and in peace!" October 3. Pogary sues for peace. December 8. Casmir returns to edit his paper.

1966 February 12. Bulvakian People's Party directs a nationwide demonstration against the government. There is postwar chaos - no jobs, a scarcity of food, inflation, a housing shortage. New thousands join the Party. March 2. A delegation of aristocrats, rich manufacturers, and land barons calls on Casmir in secret. They offer to pay for and equip a private army of veterans, with Casmir as their general, if he will crush the Bulvakian People's Party. His reward: a seat in Parliament. June 20. Lenovar directs an uprising against the King. June 21. Huge crowds take over public buildings in the name of the new Republic of Bulvakia. The Army is torn by indecision. Some troops go over to the people, some fight them. Civil war rages for almost a week. June 28. Casmir double-crosses his backers by offering Lenovar the support of eight thousand troops he controls, in exchange for appointment as second in Party command. Lenovar agrees. June 30. The revolution triumphs. The King flees abroad. July 1. Parliament dissolves. Lenovar fills its empty seats with members of the Party. July 2. Huge victory celebrations all over Bulvakia. July 26. In a lightning move, Casmir suddenly ousts Lenovar from leadership of the Republic, placing him under arrest for treason. The charge against Lenovar is "fostering a cult of personality" - seeking personal power. July 28. After a carefully arranged demonstration in his behalf, Casmir appears in Parliament. Stooges hail him as "Casmir the Incorruptible". He promises the new Republic shall become "a great paradise for Bulvakian workers, peasants, and patriots." Members are compelled to rise and swear an oath to defend the life of their new leader. August 13. In a surprise move, Lenovar's supporters in Parliament propose and win a vote for national elections. August 14. Casmir dissolves Parliament as "a nest of traitors," and has all the doors bolted shut. August 20. Lenovar is given a secret trial and sent into exile. There is a tacit understanding among Bulvakian revolutionary leaders that the penalty for losing a struggle for power should be exile, rather than execution. September 1. The nation's controlled press begins a chorus of praise for "Casmirism" - the new movement which is going to "rebuild Bulvakian society." September 10. Casmir ousts General La Grande, taking over control of the Army as Generalissimo. Some high officers opposed to him are exiled. Those he needs are bribed with opportunities for graft and plunder. To purchase the loyalty of the troops, he raises the Army's pay. October 1. His first Five-Year Plan begins. To change Bulvakia from an agrarian to an industrial nation, he asks the people to work long hours for low pay. Their patriotic sacrifice will build the factories and heavy machinery that the nation needs. Casmir promises they will be rewarded by a better life in just a few years. October 10. He puts every corporation, labor union, and municipal and social organization under his control. Companies to which he awards government contracts pay him "executive dividends," deposited for him in bank accounts overseas. November 3. Begins nationwide program of building roads, dredging harbors, digging irrigation ditches. Issues strict orders that all trains must run exactly on time. New public buildings, stadiums, and statues are built in the capital. When the State Treasurer complains that the government has no money left, Casmir snaps, "Print more!" November 21. New posters everywhere educate the people in "the new culture of Casmirism." They must wear shoes in public. All streets must be kept clean. Fingernails must not be dirty. "Bulvakians - be worthy of the Generalissimo!" December 3. General La Grande leads a desperate counter-revolution with a small force. He is swiftly defeated. December 7. La Grande is reported a "suicide" in jail.

1967 January 15. "Night of the Long Knives." Forty Party officials are murdered in their beds after midnight, as Casmir purges all he suspects of unreliable loyalty, or as dangerous rivals for power. March 6. He forms the Casmirist Youth Corps. Black-uniformed youths of ten to sixteen are to be given knives, taught Party slogans, used to break strikes. Medals will reward those who report parents for "unpatriotic" remarks. Corps motto: "Believe, Obey, Fight - for the Generalissimo!" May 7. First elections of the Republic. Voters have a choice of voting for or against Casmir as President. There are no other candidates. He wins a "sweeping victory." June 10. Denied loans from abroad, Bulvakia's shaky economy begins to collapse. Banks and businesses shut down; workers are thrown out of jobs; food piles up unmarketed and unsold. Spontaneous riots break out in the cities. June 20. Casmir broadcasts a thundering accusation against "the real cause of Bulvakia's troubles - the traitorous Jens of the world, who hate us and want to see us starve to death!" He orders a pogrom against Bulvakia's Jens. June 21. Jens are stoned, tortured, and burned alive. June 30. Casmir gives the people another scapegoat - the Lenovariks. "Any worker who talks against the government, or against the President-Generalissimo - he is a Lenovarik traitor!" Secret police make thousands of arrests. August 1. Casmir wins a fifteen-million-dollar loan from the great Federal States by convincing them Bulvakia is in danger of being overthrown by Chipanese revolutionaries operating in Bulvakia. There are exactly seven Chipanese in Bulvakia, but the Federal States doesn't know that. August 8. By instigating worker riots, Casmir takes over and nationalizes eighty million dollars' worth of foreign-owned factories. He sells some secretly to Bulvakian tycoons. September 20. Treasury full once more, Casmir orders government stores to sell black bread and rice wine at low prices to peasants and workers to allay unrest. September 27. Nations whose investments have been confiscated stop trading with Bulvakia. October 18. To convince the people all is well, Casmir puts on great public spectacles. Huge crowds flock to see these shows and circuses. Often the pressure of the crowd is so great that people are crushed to death. December 23. Casmir elevates Bulvakian Orthodox Church to position of a state religion; all other religions are forbidden. The High Patriarch calls Casimir "a great patriot and a devout servant of the Lord". December 27. Treasures warns economic boycott is bankrupting Bulvakia. Factories shutting down, unemployment spreading; farmers with unsold crops forming angry mobs.

1968 January 31. Civil war breaks out in neighboring Gerfrancia. February 8. Casmir declares war on northern Gerfrancia, hoping war will avert a domestic crisis, and a wartime economy will provide jobs. He also hopes for victor's spoils. February 10. High Patriarch blesses his "holy crusade". February 21. Lenovar returns secretly from exile. March 26. Draftees revolt against being sent to intervene in Gerfrancia's civil war. Some officers shot. April 5. Anti-war demonstrations break out all over Bulvakia, led by supporters of Lenovar. April 12. Troops and workers join in a mass attack on government buildings. Their revolution succeeds. May 4. Casmir flees the country in disguise. May 8. He arrives in Pogary, which has offered him asylum. He will live here in exile on the fortune banked for him while he was Generalissimo of Bulvakia. The fortune is estimated at between eight and fifteen million dollars.

#history #books #dictators

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itwas50yearsagotoday · 4 years ago

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3/19/21: It was 50 years ago today, March 19th, 1971, Jethro Tull released their fourth album ‘Aqualung’. Holy shit, this is a biggun... the title track and ‘Locomotive Breath’ are the cornerstones of any respectable Classic Dinosaur Rock station... I mean, c’mon... just listen to that riff!.. everyone knows it (ok every white guy above the age of... 35?). Anyway, why in the hell is this band NOT in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?? I mean that initial riff alone... it’s like ‘Smoke on the Water’ or ‘Whole Lotta Love’... NOPE! Not in the Hall. I have suspicions (I may have said this before) that the shunning of Tull (which let’s face it, is the shunning of band-master Ian Anderson) has everything to do with the Grammy Awards awarding the first Heavy Metal Grammy to Jethro Tull in 19-freakin’-89 for an album they released in 1987 (’Crest of a Knave’... ehh??), as opposed to Metallica’s ‘...And Justice For All’ and Jane’s Addiction’s ‘Nothing Shocking’ (although the latter is hardly Heavy Metal either)... I bet there’s some industry folks associated both with the Grammys and the R&R HOF that are holding Tull back just because they’re still embarrassed 32 years later by their ridiculous pick. It’s the only explanation I can think of... I mean they let in Bon Jovi for fuck-sakes (not to mention Yes and Rush, maybe Tull’s closest relatives in the HOF). Oh my... that is quite an aside... let’s get back to this awesome record. Okay, it’s actually just a touch overrated... I still think ‘Stand Up’ is better, but this is certainly considered the band’s commercial and critical peak... oddly the title track with the crazy riff... you know, about a homeless guy who is a bit too lustful for young girls... did not make the Top 40 (was not released as a single)... and yet, it is sooooo well-known... just goes to show the power of FM radio in the 1970s... obviously the same can be applied to Zeppelin, and other Rock dinosaurs (I mean that in a good way). Anyway, ‘Aqualung’ is awesome, and I would venture to say it is usually the first favorite song of most casual Jethro Tull listeners... if you have at least heard of Jethro Tull, you know ‘Aqualung’ (and maybe ‘Bungle in the Jungle’ too!). Awesome multi-part song, would fit on many a hard rock or prog rock album of the era, but Anderson makes it Tull with his voice, lyrics and of course ROCKFLUTE. The album is somewhat of a concept album, as many of the songs are about God and religion, and not it a nice way... although the title track really isn’t... but the second track certainly is: ‘Cross-Eyed Mary’, with our friend Aqualung making a cameo... and then you have ‘My God’, ‘Hymn 43′, ‘Wind Up’, and probably more... ‘My God’ is a bit much, but ‘Hymn 43′ is a cool song, hard rocking with piano... ‘Cross-Eyed Mary’ is awesome too. I mean if you can’t tolerate Hard Rock riffs mixed with flute, you’re gonna be disappointed. And then we get to maybe the album’s twin to ‘Aqualung’ in power and fame... the onomatopoeic (I had to look up that spelling) ‘Locomotive Breath’... it really does chug along once it gets going... probably the hardest rocking Tull gets (at least in this era). ‘Wind Up’ is a decent album-ender, but maybe a hair too long for it’s own good... and maybe a bit self-indulgent on Anderson’s part, as the middle hard parts outshine the softer intro and outro... too much explanation of things as Ian sees it, and it gets tiring on multiple listens. Oh yes, and I forgot that I very much like ‘Mother Goose’ now even though I didn’t used to... that song is about as close as Tull musically gets to their true Elizabethan-Folkie cousins, the Fairport Convention... it could be background music in a D&D session... a journey both lovely and rugged. Anyway, this is a giant album of the era, and it should be respected. If you’ve not at least heard it all the way through once, you are truly missing out.

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kashmiresims · 7 years ago

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Breaking Out

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The sound of running water gradually broke through Leona’s slumber and roused her from where she lay. It had been less than an ideal sleep, sharing a room with an arrogant, yet somewhat generous pop singer who occasionally snored.

She had tossed and turned, not comfortable sleeping in the sequin dress she had worn at the concert the evening before and she did not want to remove it because of the previously mentioned singer sharing the room.

She opened her eyes and felt hair in her face, realizing that hers had escaped the confines of the braid it had been styled into. Her curls had never been obedient and now they were frizzy, and billowing around her face and shoulders freely.

She heard the water stop and pinpointed that it was coming from the bathroom. She needed to use one but she wasn’t about to barge in on Edric King in the shower. That was certainly most likely what he was doing in there based on the auditory clues.

It so happened she didn’t have to barge into the bathroom because the singer came sauntering out in a bathrobe that wasn’t secured and so exposed her to a view of him in his boxer briefs.

She sat up quickly and admonished him, “Have some decency!”

“I’m decent enough. What? You’ve never seen a killer set of abs before?” he teased at seeing the struck look on her face and gestured at himself. She’d seen better abs than his recently and on a guy that was way more tolerable. However, she didn’t voice that and instead lifted her lip in a half growl of annoyance before getting out of bed and pulling her shoes on.

“What are you smirking at?” Leona snapped when she looked up after buckling the final strap. She really felt yucky; she needed a shower. She needed to get into her own room.

Edric pulled open a drawer from stand the hotel phone was setting on and picked something up from inside it. She couldn't make out what it was at first--a credit card? He approached her and held it out, “I think you'll be needing this.”

She saw what it was and tensed with angry confusion, “Why do you have this?”

It was her hotel key card.

“I wanted to make sure you were the type of person not to lose your head in an unfavorable situation, so I instructed the spa hostess to remove it from your possession. You handled yourself pretty well, so consider yourself worthy of being my back up singer.”

Leona snatched the hotel key from his hand with a pure scowl, “You are such a...”

“Talented singer?”

“No, a...”

“Handsome devil?”

“Devil is one way to put it,” she growled and before he could get another quip out or do anything else completely insane, she marched past him and out of his room.

What a complete idiot! Did he think he was being eccentric? Because it wasn't cute or quirky, or even remotely amusing—it was just annoying. What other 'tests’ would he put her through just to entertain himself at the expense of her discomfort? She had, unfortunately, already signed the contract but had been so concerned with getting that position full-time that she hadn't considered what type of person she's be working with for the next four years.

She called for the elevator by pressing the down button and flipped the hotel card in her hand over, and over, trying to calm her mind from the surge of anger she was feeling for being tested like that.

There was no avoiding Edric moving forward, she would have to work with him and see him daily. She wondering if she could talk to Luke about this and have him get Edric under control, after all, Luke was the manager. How hard was it to manage Edric? Maybe Caroline would know what to do if that failed. Caroline had to deal with Edric’s antics day-in and day-out, being his personal assistant.

Leona stepped onto the elevator and punched in her floor number. She wondered if her friends were awake or had even worried about her?

“Try again,” Illyana suggested.

“I've tried calling like ten times. Her phone is off—it goes straight to voicemail,” Alarie said dialing Leona’s number for the umpteenth time on her cell. The familiar error noise followed by a mechanical voiced message sounded yet again.

“Or its dead. Or she's dead,” Illyana slumped forward with pure devastation written on her face.

“Plumbobs, you are so over dramatic. I'm sure she's fine. She probably just had a wild night is all and ended up somewhere else. She'll turn up sooner or later.”

Alarie seemed to be unconcerned but the worried look on her face told Illyana otherwise.

Illyana knotted her brows with concern, “Hopefully sooner rather than later.”

Illyana had been quite jumpy ever since they ran off the casino floor last night. She worried that any minute that jerk, Tony, would barge in, having hunted her down for punching him in the mouth. Not that he didn't deserve it but he held some significant power in the casino, that she was sure of. Thank goodness Leona had booked the hotel room so neither Illyana nor Alarie could be tracked down to a room by their own names.

Illyana was anxious for Leona's return so they could get the hell outta Pandora and back to their normal lives. There had certainly been enough excitement for her in one weekend.

They heard the distinctive click of the mechanical lock on the door give way and directed their attention toward it. Illyana tensed and crossed her arms. Alarie did the same.

Sure enough, their stray friend walked into the room, and a wave of relief fell over them to know she was okay.

“And where have you been young lady?” Alarie teased in a motherly voice which was amusing since Alarie was more likely of the three to act irresponsibly.

Leona looked slightly embarrassed and exasperated, as if she had a tale to tell.

“I'm so sorry! My phone died, and I couldn't find my room key,” Leona began as she walked further into the suite. She was a mess, her dress was wrinkled, makeup rubbed off, and her hair was a tangle of curls. She looked like she had a long night of hard partying.

“How was the concert?”

Leona took a moment to get the gears in her brain moving, to get out of their angry cloud--thinking back to that time, before she blurted, “It was completely awesome! It was a sold out show and they cheered so loud...well probably more for Edric but I at least pretended it was for me and guys...I got the full time position!”

“Wow!”

“No kidding?”

They both exclaimed at the news. They, of course were thrilled for her but at the same time, they both thought it was all so sudden.

“So then what happened afterward?” Alarie prompted for more juicy news. She practically thrived off eventful stories or gossip from those she knew.

“There was an after party at this club downtown. I got to know Edric's entourage a bit more and we all danced the night away. It was so fun! Also got lots of free drinks!”

If there was one thing Alarie and Illyana had on common, it was their love of free drinks.

“Nice!” Alarie raised her hand and Leona met it with a high-five.

“So where did you end up sleeping?” Illyana wondered.

“Well...I...” Leona began but was interrupted by knocking on the suite's door. She went over to answer it since she was closest. It couldn't have been room service yet. Check out time was 11:00 and it was barely past 8 a.m.

“Hey there Miss Arithmetic,” Edric stood in front of her. He wasn't in his underwear anymore but a sleek red shirt, unbuttoned at the chest, and he was wearing his sunglasses again. He was holding out her purse to her, “You left this in my room.”

Seeing him sent her anger surging back to the forefront of her mind; she crossed her arms and nearly spat, “Did you steal anything else from it? My ID, or phone perhaps?”

“Nah, I only get other people to steal stuff out of your purse, remember?” he teased but she didn't fund it amusing. She looked into it and found her important effects in tact.

“Satisfied?” Edric asked, his voice dripping with faux sultriness. He was so strange, and she disliked it immensely. Who was the real Edric? Would she ever know? He changed his mood and demeanor so often and she'd only properly met him yesterday!

“Thanks,” Leona said, but her tone wasn't indicative of gratitude. She shut the door on him and set her purse on the desk behind her. She left out a frustrated breath and then noticed Illyana and Alarie were staring at her in shock.

“What?”

“You spent the night with Edric King??” Alarie knotted her brows in disbelief.

“Yeah, what's the big deal?” Leona didn't understand the sudden chilly attitude. They had just high-fived not even a minute ago.

Alarie's expression fell into offense, “What about Antoine? Does he mean nothing to you?”

“Whoa, whoa whoa...I didn't sleep with Edric!” Leona set the record straight. Alarie looked doubtful and Illyana just stood behind her with that same initial look of shock on her face. Leona couldn’t believe they didn’t trust her word, “You don't believe me??”

“Uh, you're the ambitious one here. What wouldn't you do to come out top?” Alarie bit out which sent Leona into a deep glower.

“As opposed to you with no ambition whatsoever?”

It was Alarie's turn to glower, but she ignored that insult and said, “You're deflecting.”

“You'd think I'd actually get into bed with that creep to further my career?”

“You've pulled something like this before. Remember the Mayor's ball?”

Alarie was referring to when they were in high school and Leona had broken her commitment to sing in their band in order to have a spot to sing at the prestigious Mayor's Ball. She nearly lost Illyana's friendship over that incident.

“Yeah, and I learned my lesson. Illyana you don't actually believe I would do something like this to achieve my dreams, do you?” Leona looked toward her other friend for back up.

Illyana shook her head and replied faintly, “I don't know.”

She'd like to believe that Leona didn't participate in any shenanigans with the handsome pop star in order to boost her chances at breaking into the industry, but the truth was Leona was fiercely ambitious, sometimes even blinded by it and Illyana couldn't know for sure.

“Unbelievable!” Leona threw her hands up.

“Can we stop talking about this and please get ready to go? If you both don't stop, the drive back is going to be really awkward,” Illyana suggested uncomfortably. She didn't care whether Leona did it or not but then again, Antoine wasn't her brother. Illyana made her way back to her room to get dressed. She just wanted to get out of there, now that they had Leona back.

Leona frowned with narrowed eyes, seeing neither of them would fully believe her and said in an even tone, “Go ahead without me. I'll be riding Edric King's tour bus to West Clayton.”

“Apparently you like riding a lot of things of Edric King's,” Alarie accused.

“Oh my plumbob! Shut your mouth! I haven't done nearly anything as bad as you. I didn't touch Edric but you would in a heartbeat for a free drink and the thrill. You have nothing else going for you and you're just jealous of my success!”

Illyana felt numb as she watched her two best friends start to scream insults at each other.

It may have seemed highly contradictory that Alarie was getting so worked up at thinking Leona had been with another man when all she had done this weekend was push Illyana towards hooking up with any strange man that would have her. However, Alarie was a big supporter of her brother and Leona together. She had to be, with Leona's father as a strong voice of dissent about that relationship.

Alarie had never seen Antoine as happy as when he was with Leona. She wanted her brother to be happy and she thought Leona was happy with him too. He had practically jumped at the chance to see her again, even canceling his last speaking event to come into town to be there when Alarie had tipped him off on where exactly Leona would be. In her eyes, she had set them up to finally be together again and now Leona had ruined it.

“Stop fighting!” Illyana shouted in a sharp demand and her two friends stopped mid-insult to stare at her, “Let’s just get packed and leave.”

Leona arched an eyebrow and said, “Why are you so eager to leave?”

“She punched a mafioso in the mouth when he put his greasy hands on her,” Alarie answered before Illyana could tell her to shut up.

Leona's other eyebrow popped high rendering her face in surprise, wondering what exactly happened last night while they were apart. It seemed like they couldn't keep Illyana out of trouble.

“Really? The mafia—as in the syndicate?” she then asked doubtfully. The syndicates had been eradicated; everyone knew that.

Illyana shrugged, “I have no idea. Alarie is just making it sound more exciting than it actually was.”

Alarie crossed her arms but didn't deny it. So, Illyana clarified.

“He was coming on strong and didn't take no for an answer He happened to have a lot of money and someone referred to him a 'boss'--so I figure we should get outta Pandora as fast as possible before I get held for assault.”

“Do what you need to, but leave me out of it. I'm taking a shower and then I'm leaving for West Clayton,” Leona stated, while tossing her messy hair and brushed past them both to go to her room where she had left her luggage. She should probably find a way to return the dress they gave her for the show.

She pulled the curtains closed and wiggled out of the sequined dress, still furious that her own best friends thought that her ambition equated to desperation. Well, she hoped they felt foolish when she was a headliner, recording her own hits, and jetting around the world to perform them because that was the path she had put herself on now, and she wasn't going to sleep with anyone to get it!

She was regretful, however, that she wouldn't be back in Kashmire in time to help Antoine look for apartments because she had been looking forward to spending more time with him. He would understand though, he had a demanding job himself and knew Leona's goals were her priority. Sometimes she figured Antoine knew her better than anyone else, even Alarie and Illyana, even her own father.

She picked up her phone out of her purse, intending to text him the news, and then made a curse under her breath because it was still dead.

Illyana hadn't showered. She just twisted her hair into a braid and didn't understand why Alarie was putting on more make up since they didn't have anyone to impress. It was just a six hour drive in a desert. Leona and Alarie had gone from shouting insults to ignoring each other completely. However instead of worrying about how they were ever going to make up, Illyana was still uneasy about consequences yet to be foreseen regarding Tony.

His smile haunted her thoughts. The way he did it, even after she had popped him in the mouth was so damn unnerving. She would have figured he'd be angry. What did that smile indicate?

“Can we leave yet?” Illyana called as she hiked her backpack over her shoulders and slipped her sunglasses on. She was asking Alarie, who stood in the main room with her make up spread across the counter and was looking into the mirror behind the TV, since Leona was using the bathroom. They refused to even share a space together.

“Fine, fine,” Alarie said and brushed an applicator over her eyelid then threw it into her make up bag and gathered all her products in after it. She stuffed it into her duffel bag and then slid her messenger bag over her shoulder, “I'm ready.”

Illyana wanted to say something to Leona to let them know they were leaving but couldn't think of how to do it the current situation. Leona was being stand offish and probably wouldn't acknowledge it anyhow.

So instead, Illyana sighed and gave a nod toward the door and they quietly left the room.

After packing up the back of her Jeep, Illyana paused at the driver's side door and looked at Alarie, who was waiting for her to unlock the passenger side.

“What?”

“Shouldn't we say goodbye? I mean...we won't see Leona for awhile if she's going on a concert tour.”

“She wouldn't care. She doesn't even care who she hurts as long as she gets famous,” Alarie snapped, “Besides, she didn't say goodbye to us. Just get in and start it up.”

But then out of the hotel Leona emerged, rolling her luggage behind her, freshly showered, wearing her blue shades, a floral dress that ended at her thighs—she looked just as a famous singer would.

And as she walked past them toward the tour bus, she didn't say word to them—just as a famous singer wouldn't.

#ts2 #sims 2 #kashmiresims #NOV arc #my shots #sims 2 story

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ninjoots · 7 years ago

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Opposing Sides AU

this is garbage im sorry

Everybody starts their morning differently.

Pastor Aaron Burr starts his morning with a prayer before getting out of bed and starting his day.

Charles Lee starts his morning by shutting his laptop off and getting two hours of sleep because he didn’t bother sleeping like a normal person.

Thomas Jefferson usually starts his morning being woken up by a frightened worker before shooting them dead and marching to the showers.

Pastor Aaron Burr gets in a button up shirt and some clean jeans before walking to the bathroom to put a bit of mascara on.

Charles Lee is still sleeping.

Thomas Jefferson gets in the showers and with one glare sends all of his workers finishing up and scrambling out of there.

Pastor Aaron Burr feeds his kitty, Marvin, before getting in the car and driving to starbucks for a coffee.

Charles Lee… is still sleeping.

Thomas Jefferson gets out of the shower and goes back to his quarters to change into a suit and tie. The usual magenta suit and white tie still brings a smile to his face when he looks in the mirror.

Pastor Aaron Burr gets to the Starbucks drive through only for a soccer mom with three or four kids to zoom in front of him and take his spot in the line of cars. He sighs and checks his wallet to see if he can pay for her. Once he knows he can he goes inside to do so.

Charles Lee is now half awake and making ramen in a cup. He walks downstairs to his store and looks out the window to see people waiting for it to open. Lee smiles and points at the closed sign before going back to his noodles. He laughs maniacally.

Thomas Jefferson goes to office to see what they’ll be doing today. With a long sigh he looks over the building plans for their new building and he wonders how he’s going to win the church and shop building over for his plans.

Aaron ends up getting coffee spilled over his church clothes, but rather than lashing out, he offers to pay for the person that the drink was going to. The waitress gives him a weird look but he still pays for it.

Lee opens the store of many wonders and lets the customers inside. He’s still in his pajamas, but any regulars would know not to ask or judge him for it. Last people that did were thrown out. Literally.

Thomas gets his stuff together, calls James up, and asks if he would like to go to church with him. James laughed for three minutes straight at the request but managed to get a yes out and said he would meet him at the Starbucks.

Aaron was leaving the Starbucks the same time Thomas was walking into it. They made a split second of eye contact. Thomas gave the short man a scowl while Aaron gave him a smile and held the door open for him. He made a mental note to give a little prayer that the man would have a good day.

Lee gets in a shitty argument with the church band next door about the fact that they’re playing too loud and he can’t hear himself think. As great as it is that they play current christian music rather than homilies and hymns, it’s loud as fuck.

Thomas gets in the car with James and they argue about why he needs that specific building site and Thomas defends that it’s in the lower part of New York and far away from the police departments.

That morning around ten am, Aaron walks into the church with his Starbucks and the coffee stain still on his shirt. He has a plan to talk about in the message today, because it’s rather fitting with what he was going to talk about. When he walks in he sees the band all standing near the back of the worship room and he sighs. Aaron walks to the front and makes sure he has what he needs. Tablet, bible, pencil, his sense of humor for whatever happens, and his tolerance for crying babies.

“Could we- No, shut up- Could you play a little quieter? Just a bit quieter? Please? Most of my customers are abusive, alcoholic, old men that want a tattoo about Trump or some shit like that and christian rock about following Jesus doesn’t appeal.” Lee explained, laughing a little through his sentence. He was leaning through the window connecting their two buildings, still smiling through the argument. The lead singer for the church band that morning, Samuel Seabury, was giving him the coldest glare Lee had ever seen.

Aaron sighed, “Good morning, Mr.Lee! I told you we’re trying to make the wall a bit more soundproof. Still need to work on it for a few more weeks or so. Would you like to join us this morning instead of listening from the window?”

Lee’s face turned a little pink before arguing, “I don’t listen through the window, Pastor Burr.”

“Pastor Burr was my father,” Aaron smiled, “Call me Pastor Aaron, Mr.Lee.”

“I’ll do that when you start calling me Lee or Charles.” With that Lee shut the window and got back to work on fixing the tanning bed. Why hire an engineer when you could fix it yourself with a little bit of elbow grease? Aaron sighed and went to the other side of the worship room to practice the message a little. The band tuned their instruments and practiced their songs, trying not to lash out at Seabury every time he scolded them for messing up.

Aaron closed his eyes and folded his hands. He began to pray, a usual thing he did before the church doors opened. He prayed for himself, all of the people here, the band, the man at starbucks, the workers at starbucks, for God, Lee, and finally his darling Theo who was hanging with her friends. Once that was over the doors opened and people began flooding in for church. The church wasn’t very big, but definitely got a lot of people. The church was a friendly accepting place of everybody, and considering the lead pastor was bisexual was pretty amazing. A lot of the LGBT and POC community went to the church for acceptance. Aaron loved it more than anything.

The church had been bought and build and brought up by Aaron’s father. But he died before being able to do anything with the building. Aaron decided to take up the job of being the lead pastor and it paid off really well. Sure, the money wasn’t as much as he wanted, but he was doing what God wanted him to. That was all he could ask.

Fast forward to half an hour later, Aaron is on stage giving the message, telling a little joke about how his morning went. He was basically talking about being the christian you should be, showing God through your actions and words, and loving others as God loves you rather than treating others as you treat yourself. As he was looking at everybody he noticed a familiar face in the seats and smiled to himself. The man from starbucks was sitting in the chairs, leaning forward and listening with a not bored expression. Aaron smiled a little at him and gave him a subtle wink before continuing on with the message.

Thomas’ face turned a light pinkish red and he slouched a little, clutching his sleeves. Why would he wink at him? Why would he even smile at him like that? Thomas let out a shaky breath and continued listening, brushing it off as nothing.

Charles was by the window. He had opened it right when Aaron started talking and was listening to the man talk. Aaron’s voice had a beautiful tone to it and swayed and danced into Lee’s ears. It made him smile and put him in a good mood, so yeah he listened. Lee would never be a christian, those days were over for him. But he still loved listening to Aaron talk. Charles realized a long time ago that he could still be a good person and live a happy life without listening to every single rule in the bible. He treated others kindly and was friendly and a comedian, but would never talk or listen to gospel. Lee only listened to Aaron for the little things. His smile when he went onto a topic he liked, the little laughs here and there, the way he walked a little when talking, addressing the people and not the crowd.

Thomas was more focusing on the way Aaron talked and acted and walked than the actual message. He was pretty sure James noticed this because he started snickering quietly and nudged Thomas. When Jefferson looked at his friend he was only met with suggestive teasing and Jefferson rolled his eyes, looking back at Aaron. This service felt like it was going on forever, and it made him incredibly bored. So analyzing the pastor and everything about him seemed like a wonderful pass time.

Once it was all finally over and Aaron was getting his stuff together James sighed and began walking to the exit. Thomas told him to start the car and wait while he talked with the pastor about the building. He walked up to him with a smile and Aaron politely smiled back. “I don’t know if you recognize me but you were at the starbucks this morning?” Aaron questioned, shaking his hand. Thomas nodded.

“Sorry about the look I gave you, it was a bit of a rough morning. I’m sure that you understand though.” Thomas teased, gesturing to his shirt. Aaron laughed and Thomas found himself laughing a little too. This man’s happiness and innocence was much too infectious for him to take. Thomas decided to cut to the chase, but Aaron started talking again.

Aaron spoke, “Listen, I’m in a bit of a hurry to get home to my daughter. It was nice talking to you Mr…?”

Thomas answered, “Mr.Thomas Jefferson. I just wanted to talk to you privately about some things if that would be alright. Maybe over some coffee tomorrow? Noon at Starbucks?” Aaron nodded in agreement and waved goodbye before grabbing his things and leaving the church. Thomas watched him go, biting his lip a little. The pastor wasn’t that bad of a looker, and he heard rumor around the gossiping single ladies in church that he was bisexual. Thomas made a mental note that if he couldn’t get the church he could play a fun little game of love to win it over.

Lee watched the stranger like a hawk, muttering insults under his breath. The man was tall with a beautiful smile and beautiful skin and a beautiful everything. He was wearing a suit and was extremely persuasive, Charles could tell by his eyes. Lee had met men like this, the kind that do anything and everything and anyone and everyone to get what they want. The stranger had his eyes on the pastor. Charles huffed and slammed the window shut. He went over to his large amount of flowers and began putting a bouquet together, picking all the right colors to signal a nice message of “Fuck off the pastor’s ass is mine you bitch as southerner fuck”.

Thomas heard the window slam shut and frowned. He also needed the building next door, which just so happened to be Lee’s building. If the man was a bit more angry and stone cold than he had been told, this wouldn’t be so easy. Thomas decided to focus on one thing at a time and left the church. Tomorrow he would meet with the pastor and buy the church from him and then he would get Lee’s building next. Simple and easy.

Pastor Aaron Burr went home to his darling Theo and helped her with her science project for school. They spent the rest of the day together and talked about how their days went. Theo stuck to her father like glue and loved him dearly, and Aaron loved having his Theo around. At the end of the day he crawled into bed and couldn’t help but think about Lee, the stupid soundproof wall he was going to have to make, and Thomas Jefferson.

Charles Lee continued working the store, a little fucking pissed off but still keeping a smile for customers. He sold food, gave tattoos, restocked the store, put money in the register, and managed to not throw another fit about the church band. The end of the day he shouted into his pillow and argued with himself about Thomas Jefferson and the man’s intentions with Pastor Burr.

Thomas Jefferson went back to the base and had subway for lunch, still thinking about he way Aaron winked at him. It brought an embarrassing blush to his face, and he murdered two of his workers for mentioning it in front of the other workers. Alas, he continued daydreaming and blushing and smiling to himself about the pastor. Thomas let the sinful thoughts flood into his head a little, and soon enough he was rushing to the showers.

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cattlegroup0-blog · 5 years ago

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The Lost Produce Exchange - 2 Broadway

A postcard view from the turn of the last century. Where the statue sits in Bowling Green a fountain now plays.

A small, easily overlooked notice appeared in the Real Estate Record on October 16, 1875: The Committee on Rooms and Fixtures of the New York Produce Exchange are prepared to receive offers of property suitable for a site for a new Exchange building. Property offered must be located south of Maiden lane, and should comprise not less than eight lots of ground. Founded in 1861, the Produce Exchange was growing tremendously, both in the products it handled and its membership. A newspaper explained "Outside of the legitimate operations in bread-stuffs and provisions, the speculative trading of the Exchange is confined chiefly to the wheat pit" and a pamphlet boasted "It controls the export grain trade of the country, and is in every way a prominent and respected body." It was not until April 28, 1880 that the State Legislature enacted a bill to "facilitate the erection of a new building by the New York Produce Exchange," and seven months later approved the 150-by-300-foot site at the "southwest corner of Broadway and Beaver street" extending to the northwest corner of Marketfield Street. It was a well-chosen site, facing Bowling Green park. The open swatch of green would not only afford unhindered views of the new building, but offer cooling breezes off the harbor. (One member, Isaac Honig, mentioned to the Real Estate Record in June 1882 that the current building "is open to the serious objections of bad ventilation.") Architect George Browne Post received the commission to design the structure. He estimated the cost at $2 million--around $50.7 million today. Construction began on May 1, 1881 and would take three years to complete. In order to support the foundations of the massive structure 15,000 New England pine and spruce pilings were driven into the bedrock. And to create the vast, cavernous trading room, Post used an innovative construction technique--wrought iron framing. The Produce Exchange would be the first building in the world to combine an iron frame with masonry in its construction. The cornerstone was laid on June 6, 1882. It bore the inscription "Equity" in bronze letters. Construction of the Produce Exchange building was a monumental project. There were 2,000 windows, 1,000 doors, 15 miles of iron girders, and 12 million bricks. It would encompass 7.5 acres of floor space. As the building neared completion, Post's cost estimate had fallen short. On October 19, 1883 The New York Times reported that the members of the Produce Exchange would be meeting to discuss "providing funds for the completion of the new Exchange building according to the plans of the architect. One of the members thinks that about $150,000 will be wanted." As it turned out, the total cost, including land and furniture, came to $3,178,645, just under $84 million today. Post's commercial take on Italian Renaissance was clad in red brick and trimmed in terra cotta. The regimented tripartate design of the main structure featured rows of arched openings, those of the middle section rising four floors. Above the cornice, almost unnoticed, perched a diminutive arcade. To the rear of the structure, facing Marketfield Street, was a 225-foot tall campanile, or tower from which stunning view of the harbor and lower Manhattan could be had.

Even before the doors were opened the critic from the Real Estate Record & Builders' Guide pounced. On November 17, 1883 he described the building as a "box" which was "so long that in spite of its being nine or ten stories high, it looks squat, and then another box, very tall and narrow, is set up alongside of it. Two boxes are no less boxy than one, and the Produce Exchange, though an impressive feature in the view of lower New York by its mass, has no other impressiveness." The critic then took aim at the campanile. "With a good outline detail which is only tolerable may pass very well, while no force or grace of detail can redeem a building which has no general form." Not every critic agreed. The Metropolitan Holiday Supplement called it a "handsome, solid structure," and said "Of the modern Renaissance in style, the general effect is imposing, and imparts the idea of strength and permanence." And if that were not praise enough, it continued, "From any standpoint the Produce Exchange is unsurpassed by any structure of its kind in the world."

The still-surviving houses on the right would be razed for the New York Customs House in 1899. Harper's Weekly, July 1886 (copyright expired)

Post's use of iron framing was not the only example of up-to-date technology. The Produce Exchange was electrically lit and had hydraulic elevators. Speaking tubes communicated with each office. The tower was illuminated at night, an early example of a practice commonplace today. On April 10, 1884 The New York Times reported on the plans for the opening celebrations on May 6. Farewell exercises in the old building would be held at 11:00 a.m., followed by a procession to the new which would be headed by "members of the Exchange over 45 years of age." Two bands had been hired for the occasion. At 2:30 that afternoon a "steamboat excursion" in the harbor "will be one of the features of the celebration," reported The Times. Technically, however, the Exchange would open the evening before. "It has been decided to hold a ladies' reception in the new building on the evening of Monday, May 5, upon which occasion it is expected that there will be dancing in the great board-room." Although there were 3,000 members and each was allowed three tickets, there was little concern for overcrowding that night. The Times said "The great size of the building will undoubtedly prevent an uncomfortable crush upon this festive occasion." Called "arena-like" by the Metropolitan Holiday Supplement, the trading room on the second floor was 220 by 144 feet and rose 60 feet to a stained glass ceiling. The largest trading space in the world, it encompassed 3,000 square feet. The New York Times described it on May 4, 1884: Its smooth, white walls are agreeably relieved by the cherry wainscoting and door casings. The huge skylight overhead is of bright colored glasses and the 23 well proportioned windows which give light and air to the apartment are in graceful harmony with both the interior and exterior decoration. The morning after the event the newspaper wrote "As early as 7:30 o'clock it was impossible to get seats in the elevated road on the west side. Ladies and gentlemen in evening dress were crowding in at every station, and the brakemen, who were as full of ignorance as usual, were speechless with wonder. At the same time more carriages were rolling down Broadway than were ever seen on an opera night." Eventually members settled into their new home. The trading room was a hub of activity, viewed by visitors from the "massive gallery with ornamental facing" which ran along the northern wall. Off the trading room were the library and executive offices. Membership in the Produce Exchange was not all business with no pleasure. On the night of the building's opening the 40 members of the New-York Produce Exchange Glee Club had its own celebration with a dinner at Clark's on 23rd Street. And in July that year the Produce Exchange baseball club was organized. Trading gave way to merriment every December 31. On January 1, 1885 The New York Times wrote "Several hundred ladies looked down from the broad gallery in the Produce Exchange upon a merry scene yesterday afternoon. The floor of the immense board room was well filled with men and boys, all of whom entered into the enjoyment of the New Year's jollification without reserve." The Seventh Regiment Band was there to play "popular airs" (including the "Produce Exchange March") after trading came to a close at 2:30. The members were entertained by an exhibition of fancy bicycle riding, "some graceful roller skating," and a tug-of-war and a sack race among the boy messengers.

This turn-of-the-century postcard clearly shows the campanile with its four clocks. The janitor's apartment was in the tower.

The innate racism of the 19th century was reflected in other activities that afternoon. "There was a walking match by colored employes of the Exchange," noted the article. "The remaining features of the entertainment included a wrestling match, negro minstrelsy, the Lorello brothers, and jig dancing." Members of the Exchange did not always act gentlemanly, as one would expect. In the spring of 1885 relations between two traders of opposing firms, Alpheus Geer and Archibald Montgomery, had "lately been rather strained," according to The New York Times on April 17. The newspaper reported that on the previous morning Geer entered the trading room just as Montgomery was about to make a bid. "Pushing his way through the crowd, he finally got behind Montgomery, and just as he was raising his voice to shout out a price, Geer jammed his hat over his face." The astonished Montgomery turned to his laughing adversary, and did the same to him. It ended in a "Sullivan style" battle of fisticuffs on the trading floor. To gauge the quality of the grain being traded, balls of dough were produced for examination. Dough balls routinely turned into missiles and repeatedly the governing board of the Produce Exchange chastised members for dough ball fights. Notices were nailed to the walls of the trading floor prohibiting the practice. But on June 19, 1885 the targets of the sticky projectiles were not fellow members. The Times reported the following day that "Some of the members of the Produce Exchange succeeded yesterday in bringing discredit upon that organization and almost succeeded in inciting a small riot." Members of the 12th, 69th, and 71st Regiments were in Bowling Green park awaiting the arrival of two French ships. It was a hot day and the uniformed soldiers "began to show signs of impatience." To get some air, several members of the Exchange were sitting on the second story cornice. At around 1:00 "intermittent showers of dough balls, grain, and apple cores fell from the Produce Exchange windows upon the heads of the soldiers." Despite protests from the militiamen, the barrage continued until one of them "pointed his musket up at the windows from which the annoying missiles were thrown and threatened to shoot." More than an hour later the Exchange members were still engaging in their boyish prank. Finally the 69th Regiment broke ranks and charged the main entrance. They were stopped by a platoon of police officers. Seeing that trouble was imminent, the officer in charge sent between 20 and 30 police officers into the building to convince the brokers to "cease their insulting fusillade." Almost unbelievably, "Some of the members of the Exchange denounced the entrance of the policemen into their trading room as an unwarrantable intrusion," according to a newspaper. Upon hearing of the matter Major Duffy of the 69th stormed into the Exchange and met with D. A. Eldridge, Chairman of the Floor Committee. Getting little satisfaction he left warning "I cannot be responsible for what my men will do if these outrages are continued." Pressure from outside the Exchange forced the managers to rethink their cavalier response to the incident. An official apology was given and a search for the perpetrators "engaged in the dough throwing," as worded in The Times on June 23, was begun. The guilty parties were eventually named and repudiated. The tradition of New Year's celebrations on the trading room floor continued year after year, as did the occasional fist fight and never-ending dough ball battles. The schoolboy mentality of some member resulted in a new diversion in the fall of 1889. On October 26 The Times reported "Dough tossing has reached such a stage of perfection on the Produce Exchange that improvised ball games with umbrellas or canes for bats and past puddings for balls are of hourly occurrence on the floor."

The trading room was decorated with banners, pennants and a large American flag suspended below the stained glass ceiling when this photo was taken. from the collection of the New-York Historical Society.

A proposal to enlarge the Produce Exchange had been made as early as 1888; but title to the adjoining property was not acquired until 1900, and construction on the enlargement not begun until 1904. It resulted in the block of Marketfield Street to the south being built upon. The members' attentions were turned to more serious matters following the Financial Panic of 1907. The economic depression, of course, affected trading; but it also left thousands of New Yorkers without basic needs. The Exchange ended its frivolous New Year's Eve celebrations on the floor and replaced them with events for the needy. On December 30, 1908 The New York Times reported "The Produce Exchange will repeat this year the entertainment which it provided on New Year's Eve last year for the poor children and families of lower Manhattan." There was a band, a vaudeville show, and vocal music. But most importantly, "After the entertainment the presents will be distributed, consisting of about 1,000 baskets for boys, 1,000 baskets for girls, and 700 family baskets containing a New Year's dinner." The tradition continued at least through 1910. World War I also brought gravity to the Exchange. Cities like New York prepared for the conceivable invasion by enemy forces. On March 30, 1917 the members elected to form a unit of the Home Defense League to cooperate with the New York Police Department. About 100 volunteers were organized and drills were held twice a week on the trading room floor. The Times noted "One of the members has offered to buy a machine gun for the unit if permission can be obtained from the city authorities."

The men of the Produce Exchange in uniform on the floor. New-York Tribune, July 8, 1917 (copyright expired)

A scare occurred on June 6, 1929 after a discarded cigarette smoldered in one of the telephone booths on the second floor before finally sparking a fire at around 10 p.m. It spread along the row of booths. William C. Riker, one of the seven night clerks who worked after trading hours noticed smoke and turned in the fire alarm. The blaze took an hour to extinguish and a part of one wall had to be ripped away. The fire's location along the row of telephones resulted in severe damage to the Exchange's communications. Squads of repairmen worked the following day to replace 159 pairs of telephone wires and 32 Western Union lines. In the fall of 1930 talk of demolishing the old building was discussed. According to The Times on September 23, "A planning board appointed by the Exchange is now working with architects, real estate brokers and financiers to determine the best means for improving the site." Although the building was still adequate for the purposes of the Exchange, the valuable plot was a tempting inducement. It may have been the ongoing Great Depression, however, that stalled plans. It was not until February 13, 1957 that demolition plans were announced. Uris Brothers told reporters that the razing "will be followed by construction on that site of a 30-story, 1,300,000 square foot, air-conditioned office building." Emery Roth & Sons had already completed the drawings.

Emory Roth & Sons released this rendering. The New York Times February 14, 1957

Source: http://daytoninmanhattan.blogspot.com/2019/04/the-lost-produce-exchange-2-broadway.html

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preserving-ferretbrain · 6 years ago

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The Reading Canary: Chaos Sucking

by Robinson L

Sunday, 29 March 2015

Robinson L tears into the second and third books of Patrick Ness' "Chaos Walking" trilogy

Uh-oh! This is in the Axis of Awful...~

Patrick Ness began the Chaos Walking trilogy with The Knife of Never Letting Go, which our esteemed editor reviewed here. I can't be bothered to give a synopsis, so please read the review if you need filling in on the particulars of New World, the characters, Noise, etc.

I don't have much to add to Kyra's assessment of Knife, except that the phonetic spelling coupled with the first person narration really, really bugged me.

Anyway, Ness followed up Knife with book two, The Ask and the Answer, and rounded out the trilogy with book three, Monsters of Men. Since my primary issues with the two books are very different, I'm going to structure my analysis differently for each one. I'm also going to spoil the hell out of both of them, but I won't claim to do anywhere near as good a job of spoiling them as Patrick Ness did by writing the blasted things.

The Ask and the Answer

At the end of

The Knife of Never Letting Go

, Todd and Viola arrived in Haven only to find it taken over by Mayor Prentiss. The Mayor arranges for Viola to receive treatment at a local medical facility, but hides her location from Todd, making further contact with her contingent upon Todd's cooperation. Todd reluctantly goes to work for the Mayor, at first to assure Viola's safety, but as time goes on he begins to identify more and more with the role, even as the things he does grow more and more horrific.

After a brief convalescence, Viola escapes Haven (by now renamed New Prentisstown) and joins the Answer, a partisan group led by the head healer, Mistress Coyle. Though repulsed by the Answer's terrorist bombings in Haven/New Prentisstown, Viola throws her lot in with them to resist the Mayor's tyranny.

There's actually a lot of promise to this book, and Ness works that potential to a certain amount of success. This is simultaneously the book's biggest strength and its ultimate downfall. First off, let's look at what Ness is doing right before we examine how and where it all goes wrong.

Themes and Style

(Warning: The following section contains possibly triggering content in brief discussions of domestic violence, violence against women, and political terror)

It has happened throughout history: peoples who go to war tend to become mirror images of their enemy[1]

The tendency of two sides in an armed conflict to grow increasingly similar in the atrocities they commit against each other is one of the major themes Patrick Ness explores in

The Ask and the Answer

. Every attack by the Answer provokes Mayor Prentiss to implement another crackdown and increasingly draconian methods of social control … which in turn provokes the Answer to even greater acts of terrorism.

The other major theme Ness tackles in this book is corruption, how good people become party to political oppression, torture, murder, even wholesale massacres. By throwing in with Mayor Prentiss, Todd quickly finds himself on a very slippery slope, with each barely excusable but apparently necessary infraction leading to another, slightly less conscionable one. By the end of the novel, Todd has put a group of the local sentient species (Spackle) to work in a concentration camp, branded them with metal bands, branded the human women left in Haven/New Prentisstown as potential allies of the Answer, and helped torture women suspected—on no real evidence—of collaborating with the Answer

[2]

. He hates his job at every step of the process, but he's just about able to convince himself of the necessity of each step, helped along by classic apologist rhetoric courtesy of the Mayor, such as “Surely truly loyal women would be happy to make such small sacrifices to protect law and order” (I paraphrase, but that's the gist of his argument).

Judith L. Herman, author of

Trauma and Recovery

, makes the point that in cases of both domestic abuse and political kidnappings, perpetrators employ intermittent acts of kindness and “gifts” as part of the process of breaking their victims. Ness neatly illustrates this principle early on, with the Mayor using just such an application of strategic mercy to gain first Todd's cooperation, and then the people of Haven's.

The narrative in this book is split between Todd and Viola—fortunately, Viola's narration can actually spell, which significantly cuts down on the reading problem I encountered in the previous book. Even Todd's portions have gone down from literally painful to just occasionally irritating, either because Ness has eased off on the “creative” spelling or just because I've grown desensitized to it.

So to sum up: the book has good, well-observed discourse which deals with important contemporary issues, and even the spelling has upgraded to “tolerable.” And I couldn't effing stand it.

Presentation

My first major problem with

The Ask and the Answer

is that Ness employs all the grace and subtlety of an industrial sledgehammer in putting his points across. By page 100, even a functionally brain dead reader will understand how the Mayor is shaping Haven/New Prentisstown into a police state and shaping Todd into a model enforcer, how Mistress Coyle is just as bad as Mayor Prentiss, and how each atrocity by the one provokes a bigger atrocity by the other. Ness has made all his points crystal clear, but he takes the following 415 pages to beat them even further into the reader's skull, just to make sure. I can appreciate the points he's making, and under other circumstances would applaud him for making them, but I resent being bludgeoned by them.

My second major problem is that the themes Ness is playing with pretty much necessitate his main characters (especially Todd) acting absolutely horrible for 90% of the book—and spending most of the remaining 10% passive victims of forces beyond their control. As a reader, I can just about understand Todd's actions, but I still find them incredibly alienating. Perhaps there are authors who can write a good person who spends the majority of the story doing exactly what the reader desperately wants them not to do and still have it be engaging and not off-putting—if so, Patrick Ness is not among their number.

Part of the issue, I suspect, is that I came into the novel expecting an action adventure story with a dystopian setting, like Scott Westerfeld's

Uglies

or Suzanne Collins'

Hunger Games

. The latter two work as action adventure stories by carefully balancing out the dystopia's horror: even

The Hunger Games

at its grimdarkest, understands there are some places it must not go, so it doesn't. Ness dives recklessly into that dystopian horror, but still insists on retaining the action adventure elements: good wins over evil, the heroes emerge scarred but not permanently damaged, and no matter how badly they behave they never cross the

Moral Event Horizon

. The two styles clash horribly, and if there was any hope of Ness pulling off the “Todd becomes police state enforcer” scenario, making the series also an action adventure story drives the last nail into its coffin.

I'd probably have given up on the book early on, but the last damnable thing about Ness is that he's so masterful when it comes to tension that one can't stop reading—in that highly manipulative, almost drug-addicted mindset: “I don't want to keep doing this but it's so hard to make myself stop.” As it was, I frequently had to take a break from reading to cuss out Ness for feeding me this dreck.

The book has other problems. Early on, Ness introduces

two

young women who manage to feel like essentially the same character despite taking diametrically opposed reactions to Viola's arrival (one becomes instant Best Friends Forever while the other despises Viola and only helps her out of principle) and serve the exact same function in the story: get fridged in order to prompt Viola to action. Is it any less skeevy when a female character is fridged to further another female character's story instead of a male's? Somehow I doubt it.

At the climax of the novel, Mayor Prentiss also kills his son Davy, because Ness was worried he might be getting too subtle. Davy, of course, was in the middle of an awakening process and had almost become human, and his murder, along with sending the melodrama up to eleven (yet again), cut short a potentially interesting and enjoyable character arc. Looking at it that way, I suppose Davy had to go before he brought up the novel's enjoyment factor.

Davy's death is arguably the emotional high point of the book, but here Ness' “creative” spelling comes back to bite him in the arse. We have Todd the narrator standing over Davy's body, listening with tears in his eyes to the other's dying confession, and casually mentions hearing an “explozhun” in the distance. At that point, any pathos Ness had managed to achieve evaporated in a puff of abject silliness, and the whole scene instantaneously degenerated into unintentional hilarity. I'm given to understand, the technical term for this is “bathos,” or, if you're a fan of TV Tropes, “Narm.”

Final Thoughts

As one last method of annoying me, Ness spends the bulk of the book having Viola and Todd questioning each other's motivations for working for a despot and throwing in with terrorists respectively, and questioning each other's loyalty into the bargain. This ties into the theme of enemies in wartime becoming mirror images—with each side treating the other's atrocities as unforgivably monstrous while excusing its own atrocities as regrettably necessary. And it is equally alienating.

It also bears the distinction of playing to the cliché romance trope of misunderstandings cropping up between the lovers to cast doubt on their respective commitment. In other words: insufferable from two directions at once.

Nothing could make up for the excruciating alienation of the first 450+ pages, but I have to admit the ending, where Todd and Viola reconcile, agree to save each other like they always do, and proceed to lay a righteous smackdown on the Mayor is both sweet and greatly satisfying. Not good enough to be cathartic, but probably the best Ness could realistically have managed at that point.

In terms of sheer unreadability,

The Ask and the Answer

is the worst book of the trilogy, though it does have hands-down the best climax. It's probably the worst book in most other ways, too, but its awfulness is spread out over a space of 515 pages. There's no one moment where the reader stops, and—after double- and triple-checking to make sure that yes, they really did read something that abominably wrongheaded—says, “You know, I was with you more or less up to this point, but this part right here ruins it all.” For that, we shall have to look elsewhere …

Monsters of Men

In the final installment of the trilogy, Todd releases Mayor Prentiss to fight off a vicious attack by the Spackle. Meanwhile, a scout ship containing Viola's friends Simone and Bradley arrives on New World to prepare the way for the colony ships. Todd and Viola forge a reluctant alliance between the Mayor, Mistress Coyle, and the two scouts to protect the humans from the Spackle, and eventually secure peace. Naturally, this proves a difficult task, and divisions among the three groups constantly threaten to ruin the whole process.

What I Liked

I found

Monsters of Men

exponentially less excruciating than

The Knife of Never Letting Go

and

The Ask and the Answer

. There is some amount of the protagonists (especially Todd) doing bad/incompetent stuff when they should know better, but unlike in the previous book there's a lot of other things going on, most of which aren't nearly so alienating.

I scored this from the library on audio, obliterating any concerns over spelling, although I did catch the guy narrating for Todd's pronunciation of “reckernize” a couple times. Listening to the audiobook may also have helped with the difficult bits, as they went by quicker and with less active participation on my part.

The three narrators all do a terrific job. Nick Podehl (Todd) took a little while to grow on me, probably because he does such a swell job of nailing down Todd's voice, and spelling aside, Todd's narrative voice is definitely an acquired taste. He does a fantastic Mayor Prentiss, though. I'd always imagined Prentiss speaking with an affably evil, faintly patronizing tone; Podehl's Prentiss is straight-forward and conversational, which arguably works even better.

Angel Dawe (Viola), apart from narrating like a pro, has a thoroughly lovely voice. The pleasure of listening to her is only marred towards the middle, when Viola develops an infection, and her dialogue is interrupted with constant fits of coughing.

Rounding out the cast is MacLeod Andrews narrating for the Return, a Spackle whom Todd saved in the previous book, and the only survivor of the Mayor's massacre. Andrews plays his role well, adopting a faintly unworldly voice which conveys the character's alien nature quite well.

For the last installment in a series with such a propensity for mowing down supporting characters,

Monsters of Men

actually has a fairly low body count among the characters we're supposed to sympathize with, and many of the most likable supporting characters do, in fact, survive. Moreover, I can think of three specific scenes where I was sure Ness was setting up to kill off Bradley, Lee, and Angharad respectively, and in the end none of those things happened. I find it kind of nice when an author can fake me out that way.

The last compliment I'm going to hand out is for the world-building. The Spackle are still a bit more human than the sci-fi hardliner in me would prefer, but Ness does a fabulous job of fleshing out their society. For instance, they refer to themselves collectively as the Land, and their leader is the Sky. This confused me at first, trying to differentiate between people and geographic markers, but then the Sky refers to the time of the first war, when “we were a different Land under a different Sky”—which is beautifully poetic if you ask me.

What I Disliked

You remember what I said about a surprisingly low bodycount? Well of course, Ness had to balance that out somehow, and being Ness, his solution naturally rates approximately 80 MegaBrooks on the

predictability scale

. No points for guessing that the only semi-reasonable authority figure in this book dies, only to be replaced by one of our young protagonists.

And while Ness aptly demonstrates how warfare is always the product of some combination of misunderstanding, misinformation, prejudice, paranoia, and demagoguery, sometimes he seems to be saying that it can still be necessary. Many people will agree with Ness on this point, but I don't and it bugs me. A lot. If warfare is predicated on lies and behavior which is the height of iniquity in all other circumstances—then surely there are other ways to find solutions to the issues warfare is supposed to resolve.

Then there's all the bollocks about leaders and followers. As might be expected from the villain of the piece, Mayor Prentiss has a very elitist view of human nature, insisting that most human beings deep down really want to be led—people like himself and Todd and Viola and a few others are the exceptions, the ones born to lead instead of follow. This is how he's able to control large groups of men through their Noise, and how Todd occasionally does the same to one or two at a time. Even after he's semi-reformed, Mayor Prentiss still believes a benevolent dictator who shapes the people's will through their Noise is the best kind of leader.

The problem is that the text bears him out on this point. With a rare handful of exceptions, the people of New World really do behave like sheep, unquestioningly throwing their support behind one charismatic leader or another. The only amount of independent thinking they ever display is deciding which charismatic leader to align with. In short, they behave

exactly

like the born followers the Mayor describes. Sure, controlling them through Noise is bad, but controlling them through demagoguery is only bad if it's evil people like the Mayor and Mistress Coyle doing it.

Speaking of the Mayor, though, Ness actually does something very interesting with him during the middle third of the book. With the help of the scouts—Simone and Bradley—Todd and Viola force the Mayor to help them try to make peace with the Spackle. Nobody trusts him, of course, and Mistress Coyle vehemently insists that he must be up to something.

But Mayor Prentiss really does seem to be helping out and genuinely seeking peace. After a while he starts talking of having been “redeemed.”

[3]

Todd doubts this, and a couple times tells the Mayor flat-out “yer not redeemable,” but with a little less conviction each time. It gets to the point where Todd chooses to save the Mayor's life over Simone's.

There comes a time when the main characters have got all their problems pretty much sorted out. They've made peace with the Spackle, with the fate of Mayor Prentiss being the only major sticking point; the political situation among the humans has died down—Prentiss is still around, but the colonists will be able to deal with him when they arrive in a few weeks; Viola has recovered, Todd has a new father figure; all-in-all, things are looking up.

The interesting thing would be to stop there; Ness has things approximately where he wants them anyway, and sorting out the remaining loose ends will entail some tough decisions with no easy answers. It leaves us with the question of the Mayor, the terrible ghoul built up over the course of the first two books, now redeemed like Darth Vader, and inconveniently alive following his redemption, unlike Darth Vader. What is his place in society now? What manner of punishment will the Spackle and human communities impose upon him for his atrocities? How much punishment

should

they impose? How will he reconcile those atrocities with his own conscience?

Well yes, Ness

could

do that. Or he could have Mayor Prentiss yell out “Surprise! I really was evil along! And now I'm going to restart the war and try to get every single human being on this planet killed off in glorious battle! Muahahahahahahaha!” and have Todd and Viola et al. reply “Ahhh! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!” and proceed to stop him, though only after a dully predictable climax involving a forest fire, a flood, and retreading territory Ness has already covered amply over the course of the book. Which is precisely what he does.

As a humanist, I reject the notion that any human being is beyond redemption, so I admit I'm biased. But that objection aside, having the Mayor prove a villain in the end is exponentially less interesting from a narrative perspective. The previous two books built up Mayor Prentiss as horrifyingly powerful and completely devoid of redeeming virtues. Fair enough, I could name a couple billion such villains from literature, and Ness does a better job than many of making his villain believable and threatening. Such characters exist to be righteously killed off in one fashion or another, and they're deliberately kept unsympathetic so the reader can cheer unreservedly when they get their fatal comeuppance.

However, when an author deliberately raises the question “is this villain redeemable?” there are only two ways things can go. Option #1 “No,” tells the reader absolutely nothing, does nothing to enhance the story, and goes nowhere. It's the worst kind of lampshade hanging: drawing attention to a stock trope while simultaneously playing that trope by the numbers and completely failing to do anything new or interesting with it. Option #2: “Yes,” on the other hand, leads immediately to the question “What then?” This opens up a vast field of questions and possibilities to explore, as illustrated above.

So, of course, Ness goes for Option #1. He does throw me a halfhearted bone by having the Mayor magnanimously commit suicide to spare Todd from murdering him. I'll admit that's better than nothing, but it still comes directly after the Mayor's own acknowledgment that he's “not redeemable,” and,

as our esteemed editor has pointed out

, having a character make amends immediately before nobly sacrificing their life is a lot easier than having them live with the consequences. In short, it's a cop-out.

The big climactic conflagration set off by the Mayor's return to form is tediously predictable. The Spackle turn against the humans again, but their leader comes around just in the nick of time to stop hostilities from flaring up again. Both Spackle and human characters have to relearn the lessons they spent the last four hundred effing pages learning in the first place.

[4]

Todd, Viola, and the other named characters run around putting out fires. Lots of characters whom we neither know nor care about die in the ensuing fire and flood, and Haven gets destroyed and it makes no difference. Todd and the Mayor have a showdown that—apart from taking place on a beach instead of Haven city hall—is a recycle of their battle at the end of

The Ask and the Answer

, bringing nothing new to the table.

For decades, action-adventure readers have been conditioned to expect a big, apocalyptic climax and final clash of good and evil, and to have a villain who's thoroughly evil, although the option of one last altruistic gesture immediately before they die has grown increasingly popular in the last ten or twenty years. It would've made for a much more original story to have the surprise twist be that the plot ends at the point where the characters had things mostly worked out anyway, with no big catastrophes or confrontations, leaving Todd and Viola et al. with the thorny question of what to do with a reformed but still troublesome Mayor Prentiss. And yes, that is counter-factual criticism but frankly, I'm beyond caring.

All this was irritating, but it was hardly unexpected. Indeed, as I've just explained, it would've been surprising if Ness

hadn't

thrown all that stuff in, cheap and annoying as it was. Unfortunately, there's more. Much more.

Minority Warrior

The following section covers aspects of the book which gave me pause. While they don't offend me personally, I suspect they might offend others—notably those who don't share my privilege—and I feel it behooves me to give fair warning.

Many people have objected to the fact that, in Ness' universe, human men have Noise but human women do not. Towards the end of

Monsters of Men

one character says that women probably do have Noise, and they have to figure out how to access it. At no point does Ness ever explain why Noise manifests so radically differently in women as opposed to men, and one is forced to assume it must be because women and men are so fundamentally different as to be practically two separate species. Which, um, they aren't.

When Bradley begins manifesting Noise, it quickly transpires that, big surprise, he has the hots for Simone, who for whatever reason isn't interested. Lee also has a hopeless crush on Viola, as if you hadn't figured that out long since. Ness uses their conditions to explore unrequited love, just as he's previously used the Noise to explore frustrated erotic desire.

The thing is, the only characters depicted as experiencing unrequited love are male. The only characters depicted as experiencing erotic desire are male. Viola desires Todd emotionally, and he reciprocates, and I think there's a brief allusion to Todd thinking about her sexually, but no hint that Viola might have such thoughts for herself.

It smells faintly of Nice Guy Syndrome, as does Viola's conversation with Simone, encouraging the other woman to give Bradley a chance because “he's a good man.” Maybe I'm paranoid or getting off on playing More Feminist Than Thou or both, but I think it may be telling that Ness has Viola appeal to Simone in terms of a rational assessment of his good character, rather than his desirability as a boyfriend or lover.

And getting back to that low body count among the sympathetic characters, arguably the most prominent sympathetic character to die in the book is Simone herself. Simone is the leader of the two-person scouting party; strong and competent and resourceful and pretty damn cool. And the thing is, once both she and Mistress Coyle are dead, the only female character of any importance to the story is Viola. Next runner up is Todd's

horse

for heaven's sake. Contrast this with the six prominent, sympathetic male characters who also survive to the end. Bit of a gap, there.

I've also seen Ness criticized for failing to consider homosexuality in the earlier books. In

Monsters of Men

, two of the most prominent sympathetic characters had same-sex Love Interests—both of whom were fridged earlier in the series, so I'm not sure Ness is scoring many points there, either.

Text Bomb

Getting back to the climax, the Mayor throws himself into the sea and dies, and Todd and Viola share a joyful embrace on the shore, knowing that whatever happens now, everything is going to be okay. And then the Return shows up and semi-accidentally kills Todd.

Excuse me, my melodrameter just overheated again.

…

Okay, that's better. My first thought on reading this was that it had to be the single most gratuitous bit of sensationalism Ness has ever written, and keep in mind this is

Patrick Ness

we're talking about.

Then he launched into a tortuously drawn out

[5]

scene between Viola and the Return. Like the rest of the series, it's all overblown and takes five times longer than it ought to in a mishandled attempt to enhance tension. But for all that, there's some decent character development for both Viola and the Return, and it does serve to underline many of the trilogy's themes. It even manages to tie in Todd's murder of a helpless Spackle fisher in

Knife

—the Return absorbed Todd's guilt for that act through his Noise, and now he bears a similar guilt for a similar murder.

Not that any of this was strictly necessary. Ness had already explored those themes quite satisfactorily, and Viola's and the Return's character development basically amounted to relearning lessons they'd already learned. The sequence added nothing new, but it did sharpen the recycled material.

Yes, it was inane and drawn-out and dumbed-down and more melodramatic than Russell T Davies on steroids, acid, and meth all at the same time, but coming out of the sequence I grudgingly admitted that it was more than just Patrick Ness indulging in yet more cheap sensationalism.

… And then he pulled a J. K. Rowling. Turns out, Todd's alive.

What the f***?

What the f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***?

Over on my livejournal, I coined the term “Text Bomb” to denote a development so unexpected and so ridiculous or awful or both that the reader's brain initially rejects it as impossible. In those terms, Todd's resurrection at the end of

Monsters of Men

is a Thermonuclear grade Text Bomb.

Mere words cannot describe the head-banging inanity of this move, but I'm damn well going to make them try.

I believe a number of people found Harry's resurrection in

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

a cheap cop-out, but in my view, Todd's is much, much worse. My reason is that Rowling had long since squandered any thematic coherence she might once have had. Harry's death and resurrection are equally meaningless because there are no themes to

Deathly Hallows

, just Stuff Happening.

Whereas Patrick Ness knows how to carry a theme. Sure, he's hamfisted and his repertoire consists almost entirely of cheap tricks, but as Dan pointed out somewhere in the

Girl Books for Girls series

(I believe it was Part Four) the thing about cheap tricks is that they do work. It's the crassest, basest way to say what you have to say, but it gets the job done.

Harry's return in

Deathly Hallows

has no thematic consequences—it's just Rowling wanking. Todd's return in

Monsters of Men

goes back and nukes all the thematic and character development Ness poured into the preceding scene. The whole thing—the emotional high point of the book, and probably the series—instantly implodes when the linchpin which gave it its driving force (Todd's death) is pulled away. In that one moment, the entire trilogy lapses into farce.

Admittedly, Ness puts together a pretty good excuse for why Todd seemed dead without actually dying, but this does nothing to address the thematic mess Todd's return leaves in its wake. If Ness really felt he needed to include all that development for Viola and the Return he should have had the guts to give his scenario the conclusion it demanded and have Todd stay dead. If he truly couldn't bear to kill off his protagonist, then, as I've already pointed out, it would've been perfectly plausible from a thematic perspective to cut the action off after the Mayor's defeat and not raised the prospect of killing his protagonist in the first place.

Ness chose neither option; he went ahead and wrecked his own discourse instead.

The Canary Says

The Ask and the Answer

is an excruciating read, constantly alienating the reader and dragging out its points

ad nauseam

Monsters of Men

is enjoyable if occasionally irritating, but its ending—when compared to the quality of the rest of the book—is one of the worst affronts to good literature ever published.

Maybe I'm being too harsh with Ness. He's obviously trying to be sophisticated and engage with some pretty complex ideas. In my view he sabotages himself by his heavy reliance on repetition and on sensationalism and grandstanding, but perhaps I give him too little credit. I found

The Ask and the Answer

just shy of unreadable, but people who are less bothered by protagonists doing wrong will probably have an easier time of it. And while the conclusion to

Monsters of Men

is a narrative travesty, people without my peculiar sensibilities may find it highly enjoyable despite its technical failings. If I really liked Todd rather than feeling mostly indifferent towards him, I'd probably cheer his resurrection even though it undermines everything Ness was trying to say.

Maybe I'm being too harsh with Ness, but I don't care.

I'm not here to be fair, I'm here to be judgmental

, and these books got right up my nose. My advice: stay away.

[1]

Nonviolence: 25 Lessons from the History of a Dangerous Idea

, by Mark Kurlansky.

[2]

The Mayor's method of interrogation is essentially waterboarding, and it is unambiguously treated and referred to as torture.

[3]

Granted, he attributes this to Todd's influence as if he were some sort of secular effing Messiah, which I didn't much appreciate.

[4]

Having to learn the same lesson over and over again is realistic, and I expect it's possible to depict this process in narrative fiction without being incredibly fecking annoying, but the task is beyond Patrick Ness' abilities.

[5]

What did you expect? Short and to the point?Themes:

Reading Canary

Books

Sci-fi / Fantasy

Young Adult / Children

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https://ronanwills.wordpress.com/

at 19:51 on 2015-03-30I was initially kind of surprised to see this in the axis of awful, but then I read your actual post and thought back to my own experiences with the books and it's perhaps not that surprising.

I read The Knife of Never Letting Go more than six years ago, loved it and ran out to buy the other two. But I found The Ask and The Answer's relentless pacing and breathless prose so exhausting I felt like I had to take a break before tackling Monsters of Men.

That break kept getting longer and longer, and now the book is sitting on a shelf in my room, unread. Now that I know where the story ultimately goes, I'm kind of glad I didn't bother.

I'm willing to bet that if I went back and reread the first two books I'd probably be far less taken with them- it's been long enough that my tastes have changed significantly, and at the time I was young enough that "it turns out that both sides are just as bad as each other" still felt interesting and somewhat revelatory. When the same theme comes up in fiction now (the example that comes to mind immediately is Bioshock Infinite) I find it trite and not at all useful or worth saying.

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https://thatcharacterdies.wordpress.com/

at 01:07 on 2015-04-02On the subject of making a story about how both sides are committing terrible acts without making your protagonists monsters or completely passive- I think perhaps the best way is the noir approach. In other words, have your protagonist be basically decent, but caught up in the world of powers far beyond them, and thus unable to enact more than a little change. A good example of this would be John le Carre- take The Spy Who Came in from the Cold. Lemas is more or less trying to be an okay person, but his attempts can't compare to the ruthlessness of the powers he's caught between. Of course, there's a reason le Carre tends to have downbeat endings, and noirs tend to be bittersweet or downers.

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https://francessmithsite.wordpress.com/

at 21:53 on 2016-02-19

Is it any less skeevy when a female character is fridged to further another female character's story instead of a male's? Somehow I doubt it.

I'm going to have to disagree with you there. I can see what you're getting at, but I don't think it's useful or even possible for a work of fiction to treat every character as equally valuable, for want of a better word, and everyone's story as equally important. Any attempt to try is likely to result in a shapeless, bloated mess. You have to decide whose story it is, and then you have to render everyone whose story it isn't subordinate to the person whose story it is.

To take the example that you've given, it sounds like the two young women are introduced solely for the purpose of getting killed later on in order to motivate Viola. And, to be honest, that sounds perfectly reasonable to me. If he had introduced them, developed them over several volumes, brought you to care about them and then killed them off in a perfunctory manner like poor Lian Harper then that would be something to complain about, to be sure, but I've always felt the real problem with fridging was not that it kills women but that in doing so it disrespects both the characters, the care and attention that other artists have put into them, and the love that they have inspired in the fans. None of which applies when the victim is a redshirt, and all of which conversely can apply when the character dies in a thematically valid conclusion to their character arc (looking at you, Adrian Tchaikovsky).

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Robinson L

at 22:30 on 2016-02-19Okay, good point about the difference between killing off an established, long-running character to motivate another character as opposed to killing off a walk-on. (I may be misremembering here, but I thought I heard somewhere that the original Woman in a Refrigerator was always intended to die to motivate her boyfriend - the Green Lantern - to do something or other, but was still given a good whack of development so that the reader would feel her loss along with him.)

I'm not entirely convinced, but no counter-arguments immediately spring to mind. If somebody else wants to take up the argument, I may or may not agree with them, but I'll let the point stand for now.

I mean, it can also be skeevy if a) female guest and walk-on characters are frequently stuffed in the fridge to motivate the main characters, or b) the tone of the piece gives the implication that this death is especially tragic or heinous because the victim is female, but these aren't always the case.

That said, introducing a character, and developing them just enough to make the reader mildly invested in them as such, and then killing them off to motivate a main character is often a cheap-shot. In this case, from what I remember, there were plenty of other potential motivations for Viola to take the actions she takes. (Another case in point:

The Night of the Doctor

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capnjay21 · 8 years ago

Text

the importance of being idle, 11/12

A/N: another delayed update, but this time not as long as the last which I'm pleased with! we're very near the end now folks, just remember to clap your hands and believe and it'll all work out in the end. ;) as always, thank you so much to all the comments and kudos I've received so far, it means the absolute world! so, enjoy!

Rating: M

Catch up on AO3

the importance of being idle get-out-of-my-apartment-(no-really-get-out)-you’re-hot-but-I-got-shit-to-do rock ‘n roll AU. Captain Swan.

“Well that’s what they get for having a goddamn brawl in the middle of your house.”

Truthfully, Emma didn’t even see who threw the first punch, the entire altercation was a blur. All she knew was one moment Malcolm had been gloating about something, spewing some crass comment about her or Tina and the next moment he was flying backwards, crashing into some antique coffee table and sending it in pieces to the floor. Killian and Tina had both been standing over him, and in all honesty she was sure it could’ve been either of them — or perhaps in an unprecedented show of synchronicity from the oft-bickering pair, they’d hit him in unison.

The following ten minutes were manic; Blackbeard and Isaac had jumped forward to defend their fallen bandmate and even Robin had been pulled into the fray. Emma had tried to step in and stop things from escalating too badly, but she’d received a swift elbow straight to her nose which sent her reeling backwards. It was hardly clean fighting, it was clumsy and involved a lot of grabbing and fumbling, and by the time Jefferson and August came sprinting from the other room there was only Killian and Blackbeard left rolling around on the ground to be separated.

That was over an hour ago. Since then, the injured parties had been marched into a private room full of executives who’d been attending the party, only Jefferson exempted for reasons that appeared unclear to Emma, and the rest of the guests had been sent home.

“It’s seen worse,” the bassist said, mumbling more into the trash bag he’d brought from the kitchen than to her, “the house, I mean.”

“Still,” she said, before pinching the bridge of her nose and testing to see if it was throbbing any less. “I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t start it.”

“No, but I wasn’t much help finishing it.” She bent down to pick a couple of pieces of splintered wood. “This wasn’t worth anything, was it?”

Jefferson shrugged, offering a rueful smile. “Nothing I can’t come up with myself.”

Guilt and unease both roiled in Emma’s gut, warring for which could make her feel worse; nothing about that private meeting felt particularly promising, and the Jolly Rogers’ place on the tour was already a fluke. Starting, or even just participating, in a fight in Jefferson’s house was hardly the gracious thanks they should be giving their hosts, smarmy as they were. In a tour full of unpleasant surprises, this appeared to be just the latest in a long line.

An unpleasant surprise of his own, Neal had slinked off somewhere else the moment any sort of formal executive had entered the scene, likely slightly fearful one of them might recognise him or call his father, or worse. That didn’t stop the spike of irritation Emma felt towards him — it was his fault Blackbeard’s Revenge had known about Killian and Milah, undoubtedly something he’d let slip in an attempt to curry some favour with the band. Or perhaps he’d just wanted somebody to vent to about the apparent frustrations he’d been harbouring over the situation. Whichever it was, she was pissed and she at least felt like she had a right to be.

Emma carried her own garbage bag around the room, picking up discarded bottles and cans and dropping them in without ceremony. It was only as she was clearing the surface of a dresser that she came across a few scattered photo frames, apparently of the same girl at various ages. There was one of her perched on shoulders that were clearly Jefferson’s, his face lit up in a wide smile.

She turned her head to look at the other man beginning to sweep some glass. “She yours?”

Jefferson looked up, eyes seeking what she was pointing to before nodding mutely.

“My daughter, Grace.” He answered her question before she could even give voice to it. “She stays with her grandparents while I,” he waved a hand around absently, “tour.”

Emma hummed quietly to herself. “Don’t you miss her?”

The corner of his mouth quirked upwards sadly. “Endlessly.”

Jefferson had always seemed like something of an odd one out when it came to the members of Blackbeard’s Revenge — by far the most tolerable, yet easily the one Emma saw the least. He seemed to bear no interest in the petty rivalry that existed between the two bands since the tour started, his only concern every time she saw him had been playing the music then returning to the bus. Before that moment she hadn’t any idea he even had a daughter. Compared to the others he was hugely private, and not for the first time Emma wondered how he’d managed to fall in with slimeballs like Blackbeard and his two cronies. Whatever it was, he kept himself isolated.

They cleared the rest of the room in an easy silence; Emma wasn’t feeling particularly chatty and she imagined Jefferson was the same, glancing through the hallway at the door to the office to see if either of the bands had emerged yet.

Just as she looked up for what had to be the tenth time in as many minutes, the door suddenly flew open, crashing against the adjacent wall as it groaned on its hinges. Emma jumped, then watched as Killian shot out like a bullet, quickly pursued by Robin and August who were apparently trying to assuage his ire. Tina followed a little bit after, and Emma noticed the pack of ice she had pressed against her knuckles — none of them had emerged unscathed, after all.

Before Emma could even ask the question, Tina was shaking her head bitterly.

“We’re off the tour.”

It took a moment for Emma to even process the words.

“What?”

Jefferson chose that moment to loudly tie up the trash bag he had been using to clear up the room, before lifting it and making a swift exit. Emma thought she might have caught a sympathetic look while he was on his way out, but then she could’ve easily imagined it.

It took a few seconds for Tina to compose herself enough to respond to Emma’s concern.

“Apparently we’re volatile. Unpredictable. Too much of a risk for New England and Gold Records, in any case.” She grunted something incomprehensible, all but hurling the ice pack to the ground in frustration. Emma, totally unsure of what to say, merely watched. “We blew, it Emma.”

When she finally looked up, Emma thought she could spot a sheen of moisture in front of her usually sharp eyes.

“We blew it.”

***

The atmosphere on the bus was even worse.

As opposed to every evening they’d spent playing cards or swapping stories or putting on impromptu photoshoots, the Jolly Rogers merely lay on their own bunks in silence. Something heavy hung over the entire cabin, a thing that overwhelmed like disappointment or shame, and Emma had no idea what to tell them. She still didn’t know what exactly went on in that room and Tina hadn’t been particularly forthcoming with information, all she could do was let the total despondency of the situation wash over her.

They had come so far, against all the odds stacked against them. Blackbeard and his cronies had always held all the cards; all they’d needed was to bait the smaller band into an altercation and get them thrown out. Why, though, Emma couldn’t say. Some twisted power struggle that only they were playing, most likely. Now they all had to suffer for it.

“This is my fault,” a voice rumbled quietly from beneath her bunk. Emma didn’t think she’d ever heard Killian sound so small. “I’m sorry.”

The silence that followed was deafening, potentially even accusatory. They were friends, would always be incredibly close, but Emma could sense them all trying their hardest not to blame Killian or Tina for the lost opportunity — tricky as it was. She had lived in Storybrooke for years now, had watched musicians wither and fade while they waited for a chance like touring with Blackbeard’s Revenge to come along. Luck was it happening just the once; impossibility the twice.

“You weren’t the only one in there, Killian,” Tina pointed out gently. “I don’t even know which of us hit Pan first.”

“He deserved it.” Robin’s response was firm, resolute.

“Just a shame it screwed up our chances in the process,” August sighed, and there was a murmur of agreement.

Emma couldn’t stand it, these people she’d come to consider her close companions just giving up. So while she was still a firm believer that hope speeches were much more Mary Margaret’s territory, she couldn’t just let this all go without fighting for it.

“Gold Records aren’t the only label out there, you know.”

“But I don’t imagine he’ll make our lives easy. Nor will the press after all this comes out.”

“Are you kidding? You knocked the living daylights out of the drummer for Blackbeard’s Revenge, what could possibly be more badass than that?” She could almost hear the cogs whirring as the others considered this a little more carefully. “And besides, I’ve been at these gigs — I know the people who have been listening to you, who’ve bought your EP and are no doubt enjoying it right now. You don’t need goddamn Blackbeard, or any of his crap.”

“Don’t we?” Killian muttered bitterly from the bunk below.

Emma chose that moment to lean over the side. “God, you miserable lot, of course you don’t! It's a fact that people are gonna try and tell you what you can do and who you should be for as long as you guys are in this business. You’ve just gotta punch back, alright? Punch back and say ‘no, this is who we are’. And what you are is incredible musicians who are gonna go so far, screw the rest.”

“We do already have the punching thing down,” August said amusedly as he finally looked at her from across the cabin, and Emma’s heart surged with warmth.

“I hate to be the one to tell you, of all people, that there aren’t any fairy godmothers in this world." At her remark August laughed loudly, and threw a pair of his socks at her. “But there aren’t. And none of you need them.”

“Emma’s right,” Robin rallied behind her as he sat up. “So what if things aren’t going as planned — we were always going to release on album on the back of the national exposure, and we have that, don’t we? Let’s go back to Storybrooke and just get straight back to it.”

Tina let out a crow of agreement and, buoyed by their enrgy, Emma suddenly dove for the folder she kept at the end of her bunk, before slipping down the ladder and pulling her boots on.

“Where are you going?” asked August.

“To give Blackbeard his photos and get my damn paycheck.”

There was no chance Emma would be staying without them — not now that they were a team. Mary Margaret had encouraged her to take this opportunity based on the ways it could advance her own career, but it was so much more than that after the last month with them. To a smattering of cheers from the Jolly Rogers, she dropped out of the bus and into the starry night, eyeing up where the other vehicle was parked across the lot.

“Swan, wait,” after a moment Killian landed beside her. “I’ll come with you.”

She was going to tell him she could handle it by herself, but found her tongue tied at the immediate sight of him. He'd been so distant since way before that night's concert, and she'd spent the entire time avoiding him at Jefferson's party. The melody of Lavender Rose still thumped through her, and she was also somewhat struck by the knowledge that, however indirectly, she must have led to Killian losing his temper at Malcolm. The moments leading up to the first crash of glass had long since flown from her memory in the wake of the events that had followed, but she distinctly remembered her name coming out of Pan's mouth. Not to mention he had already been pretty wired, desperate to talk to her about the song he had performed just a few hours ago to six thousand people in Connecticut. All of that seemed like such a long time ago.

So instead of protesting she simply nodded, allowing him to follow her there. His company would always be a reassurance to her.

Killian easily fell into step beside her, but just before she reached the bus she felt him reach out and gently tug at her upper arm.

“Thank you,” he said quickly, as if she wouldn’t let him get the words out if he wasn't, “for what you said in there. I needed that.”

His eyes, electric blue in the darkness that surrounded them, darted between hers, searching. For what, she wasn’t sure. But for just one second she found herself desperate to be able to observe whatever it was that he saw in her, whatever it was that made him stand up in front of thousands of strangers and declare his feelings for her, whatever it was that made Tina trust her with Killian’s heart, whatever it was that kept him kind, and generous, and warm, that made him want to stay when so many others had walked away. Just once, she wanted to see it. Then maybe she could trust it.

“I meant it,” she said firmly, meeting his gaze and hoping he might, in turn, be able to see just a modicum of the regard she held for him. Something in her must have shown it, because he broke out into a heartfelt grin, running his hand down her arm until he could squeeze her hand.

He swayed forward, and for a moment Emma thought he was going to kiss her, but he swung back at the last momebr. She ignored the surge of disappointment immediately.

Killian let go of her hand. “Give them hell.”

Emma smirked, before turning to knock loudly on the door to the bus. After a few moments, it hissed open and she clambered up into it. One glance behind her confirmed Killian would not be joining her, but she didn’t blame him. It’d suit everybody if the two groups didn’t come into contact at all until the Jolly Rogers were firmly on the road home.

Everything Emma had thought might be true about the other bus was immediately confirmed upon her entering — it was far more spacious than the one provided for her and the others, kitted out with a full recording studio towards the front complete with fitted microphones and already set up permanent amplifiers. The beds were wider with curtains they could draw across to create a little more privacy, and everywhere she looked there were smooth surfaces, polished marble and plush comforts for any and every desire the occupants may have.

The members of Blackbeard’s Revenge were lounging at the back of the bus in a sort of makeshift seating area, a few cream sofas that sat around the kitchenette (complete with stove as well as microwave and sink). At her approach they stopped whatever they were talking about and watched her with interest, and if she wasn't mistaken the trace of smugness she had come to expect looked far more amplified than normal. To her delight, however, Pan was sporting a deep, purple bruise along the shell of his cheek that he was pressing a pack of ice to — but even that wasn’t enough to stop him looking as smarmy as she had become accustomed.

“Miss Swan,” Blackbeard boomed from his spot on the sofa, tuning the strings of his guitar. “I presume you’ve heard the good news?”

Emma ground her teeth together, but refused to rise to it.

“Here,” she said, and tossed the folder so that it landed onto the coffee table in the middle. Isaac immediately reached forward to open it. “You’ve got enough, and they’re good. I want my money.”

Charles blinked. “But we’re only halfway through the tour, my dear.”

“You’ve got Baelfire,” his pseudonym tasted bitter on her tongue, wrong. The life he had created without her. “You don’t need two photographers.”

“And what, pray, do you expect us to do once we get to New York and he leaves us for good?”

Emma shrugged. “Why should I care?”

“Those Rolly Jogers have made you so entitled, Emma.” Isaac tutted as he looked through the photos. “They’re nice, I’ll give you that. But you can’t honestly expect us to pay you for a three-month tour when you haven’t even been with us for half of it?”

“Look,” she snapped, “you don’t like me and I don’t like you. Just give me what’ll cover this past month and I’ll be out of your hair. Hell, you can pay me for half if it’ll make you feel any better.”

Blackbeard tutted loudly, leaning forward in his seat and carefully placing his guitar against the wall.

“No, no,” he said, clicking his tongue, and watching her with a wicked expression. “That won’t do at all. You signed a contract, my dear, a contract to be with us until October. I’m sure you remember that any breach of contract will incur a substantial termination fee — one I am almost certain you wouldn't wish to bring down upon yourself.”

Emma froze, trying to wrack her brains back to the contract Smee had set in front of her when she’d first agreed to the whole business; she’d never been one for going over every detail, a sign first think later sort of girl, and at the time she’d convinced herself three months were such a short time to be away. Even if there was a termination fee and she had known about it, the chances were that the Emma before stepping on that bus couldn’t imagine any scenario in which she’d be leaving after such a short time. Back then, she’d thought Killian Jones was going to be her biggest problem. She couldn’t have known how utterly wrong she would be.

“You can’t be serious,” she settled for saying, hoping to be calling a bluff.

“I assure you, I have never been more serious in my life.”

“How much is the termination fee?”

Charles Blackbeard didn’t miss a beat. “Five-thousand dollars.”

Five-thousand?

There was no way she could cover it. She and Mary Margaret had never exactly been well off, not with Emma’s meagre earnings at Granny’s and occasional pull from a piece in the Mirror, and as a local elementary school teacher her roommate was hardly rolling in it either.

“So of course you’re welcome to go home with the Jolly Rogers, darling. Shall I have an invoice sent to your address?”

Emma’s fists clenched at her sides, more than ready to give a repeat performance of earlier that night, but if the self-satisfied smirk on Blackbeard’s face was any indication, he knew he had her in the palm of his hand. Although she didn’t reply, kept her jaw resolutely shut, Charles must have seen something in her expression that alerted him to her decision — the only choice she could really make.

“Good. Well,” he brushed down his coat, removing some imaginary lint and made himself comfortable on the sofa again. “First thing tomorrow we’ll move all of your stuff over to our bus, how about that? At least then you’ll get to enjoy the rest of your tour in style.”

Emma snatched the folder back from where Isaac had left it on the table, before storming out of the bus.

***

The next morning, Emma watched from the edge of the parking lot as gear was transferred between the two buses. Members of the crew worked tirelessly to make sure none of Blackbeard’s Revenge’s equipment wound up going home with the Jolly Rogers accidentally, and Emma sat on the sidewalk with her own small suitcase and camera bag as she waited to be summoned to her new residence. The whole business left a rotten taste on the edge of her tongue, like smoke from a fire that refused to be put out. Of course the Jolly Rogers had been horrified that she was being made to stay, none moreso than Killian, and it had taken a long time to talk them down from doing anything about it — they were in enough trouble as it was, the last thing they needed to do was make it worse. Like adding something helpful like a legitimate assault allegation to it.

She couldn’t imagine doing this tour without them. Without August reading her fairy-tales from across the aisle, without Robin’s steadying stories about his son, that life experience that Emma was sure she would never have, hell, even without Tina and her sharp eyes and caustic wit keeping everybody in line.

And without Killian.

Without Killian and his light, his boisterous humour, that sense of knowing exactly when to buoy her up or leave her alone, his stupid post-its with dumbass messages. Without Killian and the song he had written just for her.

Emma sighed heavily, letting her chin rest forward on her knees. She would miss him. It had been a long road admitting that, and she could still remember him posing the question to her that night in her apartment when it all went wrong.

Will you miss me?

Of course she sodding would.

There was the scratch of shoes upon gravel, then somebody was moving to sit beside her. For a fleeting moment she thought it might be Killian, but found herself disappointed when she caught the familiar scent of Neal’s cologne instead. It was the first time he’d crawled out of whatever rock he’d hidden under after the fight, and Emma couldn’t help the immediate spike of revulsion she felt at his being near. Logically, she knew he didn’t cause the fight. Nobody made Killian or Tina swing their fists, it was their mistake and they would own that, but that didn’t help her wanting somebody else to blame.

“I heard about what happened,” he said, and for his part he did sound genuinely sympathetic. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

Neal scratched at the back of his neck doubtfully. “I mean…”

“Not all your fault,” she corrected. “It was a dick move to tell Blackbeard about Killian and Milah.”

“It was a dick move for him to do it.”

“Neal,” Emma warned.

He held up his hands. “You’re right, sorry. It was a dick move, and I don’t know why I did it. Vanity, probably. I’m a human being and he humiliated me and it felt good to get back at him.”

She sighed, finally allowing herself to look at him. “At least you’re honest.”

For a few minutes more they sat there in silence, and surprisingly Emma felt the calmest in his presence she had been since that first moment he had appeared in New Hampshire. Gone was the tumult he usually left in his wake, the twisted sensation of rage and regret broiling around in her gut — all that was left was nothing. Nothing at all. Even if it didn’t feel altogether like a totally positive thing, she couldn’t imagine anything being worse than the last couple weeks and the meagre explanations and diversions all pulling the floor out from under her.

“I could stay,” Neal said suddenly. Emma gave him a blank look as she turned back to him. “Past New York, I mean. I’ve been counting down the days but I could stay longer — if Blackbeard needs a photographer.”

Longer on the tour with one of Gold Records’ most popular groups could only mean a greater chance of crossing paths with Gold himself. “What about your father?”

Neal shrugged. “I’ll have to face him sometime. He already knows my pseudonym, my entire career. May as well get it over with now if it’ll help you out.” He shifted his trainers on the gravel underfoot, dropping his gaze. “I know you want to leave with the Jolly Rogers.”

Emma bit her lip, looking back at where the crew were loading the final pieces of equipment they’d retrieved from the Jolly Rogers’ bus, while her four friends and Smee looked on. Killian threw a glance over his shoulder and caught her eye, gesturing for her to join them with a barely perceptible nod of his head.

“That’s… a nice offer,” she said, something wistful in her demeanour as she stood. “But I don’t think Blackbeard and his goons would make it that easy. They just want to make everyone they can miserable, and this is the best way for them to do it.” Neal followed her to his feet, lips parted as if he wanted to say something else. Emma cut him off before he could. “I’ll see you at the next show.”

Emma picked up her bag and trudged over to where the Jolly Rogers were standing, apparently all set and ready to hit the road.

“I can’t believe you’re not coming with us,” Tina muttered, with a little more ferocity than was necessary as she glared at the bigger bus.

It felt like it only really hit her then that they would be saying goodbye.

There was no way of knowing for sure if the four of them would still be in Storybrooke by the time she returned. As Killian himself had told her, the town was more like a stop along the way than a final destination, and Emma had no doubt that the band would be moving as quickly as they could — capitalising on the national exposure while it still counted, attempting to secure a record deal before any potentially bad press could be leaked. They had a lot of work to do, and they couldn’t afford to waste any more time. Not if they wanted to get anywhere close to what they were aiming for in the first place.

“I guess it does kinda suck. Although, living without Robin slamming the bathroom door in the middle of every night?" She shot the man a teasing grin. "Can only be an improvement."

He stepped forward enveloped her in a tight hug. “I’ll miss you too, Emma. Don’t let them boss you around.”

Before she could respond Tina had quickly pulled her into her arms. “But if you have too much fun without me I’ll be pretty pissed off.”

Emma smiled into her shoulder. “I wouldn’t dare.”

Tina drew back, eyeing Emma for what appeared to be an open affection for the first time — she let herself enjoy it. She’d never been a tearful goodbye sort of person, not when goodbyes had been all too common in her life and tears shed over her all too rare, but the idea of it lurked at the edge of her mind once August stepped forward.

“So,” he said, keeping his hands held firmly behind his bag, concealing something from view.

“So,” she echoed. She could feel her heart start to thud, a tug in the centre of her chest when she thought about saying goodbye to this person who had become so much to her in such a short time. The first chance she got she would goddamn end Blackbeard and all of their Revenge.

August brought his hands forward to reveal what he’d been holding; the old story book they had spent many a night reading from, the one with the beautiful illustrations and the Snow White who preferred the bow and arrow to the pretty dresses. Emma liked her a lot.

“I wanted to leave this with you,” August continued, that knowing smile pulling at the corner of his mouth, the one that promised of secrets to be told. “A little forget-me-not, if you will.”

“Couldn’t if I tried,” Emma countered, mirroring his grin. Only instead of taking it, she lightly pushed the book back towards his chest. “But keep it, please. I know how much this means to you — and I don’t need it.”

His eyebrows jumped to his hairline with amusement. “Oh no?”

Emma shrugged, trying to appear as nonchalant as possible. “I don’t need the fairy-tales. I think I’m already on my way to believing I can make my own destiny.”

August’s smile could have lit up three blocks.

“Good,” he said, pulling her close, “good.”

Emma allowed herself a strong intake of breath, of the leather of his jacket and the scent of freshly carved wood and tried to commit it all to memory. She didn’t want to forget a thing.

She traded a handshake with Smee and promised to try and catch up with him for updates on the band’s progress as soon as possible, but before long she was running out of ways to put off her final goodbye. Killian hovered, shifting from one foot to another in a show of what she interpreted as despondent frustration, both patiently and impatiently waiting for her to get to him. Eventually she turned, her steady gaze assuring him he had her full attention, but apparently whatever he had been eager to say died on his tongue.

“Swan,” he merely got out. “I, uh…”

In a particularly conspicuous attempt at being inconspicuous, he chanced a glance over his shoulder where the others were still watching. Evidently it jolted them into action, as in moments Tina was ushering them all onto the bus in order to afford them some privacy, and Emma was grateful. For what she wanted to say she could do without the added audience.

Killian was still struggling for words, and eventually let his gaze drop to the ground with an amused laugh. “Throw a man a rope here, Swan. I really don’t know what to say.”

Emma couldn’t quite muster enough levity to laugh with him; it was all such a mess. An incomprehensible bundle of emotions that left her only, really, wanting to beg him to stay. No more and no less. She didn't want to watch him go.

“I wanted to thank you, Killian,” she started, begging for her words to remain steady. “For getting me on this crazy train to start with. It’s been…” She shrugged, searching for any adjective that would fit and not finding one. “Great. Really.”

He waved a dismissive hand, a frown drawing his eyebrows together. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s something,” Emma insisted. He didn’t have to come back for her; he didn’t have to enter Granny’s that day and invite her down to the Warehouses for a private concert, he didn’t have to encourage her to join their tour, he didn’t have to try and cheer her up when it was clear she was feeling low, let her confide in him and do the same with her, listen to her closely when she spoke and make her feel more a part of something than she had in years. He didn’t have to do all that, but he had done it. He had let her graciously into his life, and even his heart.

Speaking of which.

“And Lavender Rose?” Killian perked up as she mentioned it, eyes immediately searching for some answer in her own. Emma could only smile gently. “I loved it. Thank you.”

Killian’s hand found hers, bringing it to his mouth so he could press a light kiss into it, and Emma resisted the urge to sigh. The entire time he kept his eyes on hers, a level of scrutiny there that she found herself meeting stroke for stroke. He smiled then, something soft and rueful.

“There’s not a day will go by I won’t think of you.”

She willed her answering grin to not be as watery as she was sure it must be.

“Good.”

Stretching only slightly on her tiptoes, Emma leant forward to press her lips to his cheek and let them linger there. Desperate to remember the feel of the scruff underneath, the scent of the sea and rusted nylon, she took her time before backing away. By the time she did so, Killian’s expression was all warmth and an almost childish joy. He raised one eyebrow in the fashion of a challenge she had seen him utter on more than one occasion, and it had heat spreading out within her to the tips of her fingers.

“I’ll see you on the other side?” It was more like a promise than a request.

Emma smirked. “You bet.” As if she would let him do anything else.

Before he pulled away entirely he kissed her cheek in turn, squeezing her hand one last time before moving past her and up into the bus without a backwards glance.

And not fifteen minutes later, as she watched the bus slowly recede into the pale light of the morning, Emma resigned herself to another couple months of hellish work and worse company.

(She should’ve known better than to doubt Killian Jones.)

#jay writes #cs fic #cs ff #cs #captain swan #cs crew #ouat #emma swan #killian jones #cs au #chapter 11!!!!#penultimate chapter!!!!#I know there was a pree long wait for this one #but we're nearly at the end folks <3 hopefully you can forgive me!#the importance of being idle #enjoy guys!

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highkingquotes · 5 years ago

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Porter Garnett, The Grove Plays of the Bohemian Club: St. Patrick at Tara, 1918

Footnote 1: “Now it was a custom of the High Kings to hold a great celebration, called the Feast of Tara, to which the under-kings were invited. It was an opportunity for discussing the common affairs of the realm” — Bury, p. 112.

Page 9: In the year 432 A.D., the news spread over Ireland that a band of missionaries from continental Europe had landed to preach the gospel of Christianity, headed by a Briton, named Patricius or Patrick, who had been consecrated a bishop for that purpose in Gaul. The Christian religion was already known in the southern Province of Munster through British slaves and captives in war, and in the previous year a certain Palladius had been designated by Pope Celestine for the correction of the Pelagian heresy among them, but he had died in Leinster shortly after arriving upon his mission. At the news of the landing of Patrick, the High King of all Ireland, has summoned the kings or chiefs of the kingdoms of Ireland to meet at the holy Hill of Tara in the Meath to consider the way in which the Christian missionaries should be received.

The condition of Ireland in 432 was a condition of tribal warfare. It was true that each of the provinces recognized a sort of supreme chief or king, and that these kings generally elected at this time as high king or ardrigh, the King of the Meath, the central province, in which the sacred Hill of Tara was situated. But the powers of the high king were very limited, and he presided, rather than ruled over Ireland. Occasionally the kings all met at Tara to discuss national questions, but the decisions taken by the council were not binding, and the high king or ardrigh had no power to enforce them. Such a council has been called to discuss the preaching of St. Patrick, and this is the moment chosen for the action of the grove play." The Hill of Tara was surrounded by temporary booths and each king of a province arrived, attended by a large body of retainers. The ardrigh, King of Meath, presided and prepared the meeting place and the necessary banquets. The ruins of the old banqueting hall, the only permanent building at Tara, are still to be seen.

Page 14: The King of Meath in the grove play represents the love of Ireland, a nation; he appears as an old man with white hair and beard; his druid chants the praises of Ireland in “The Song of Erin,” and he himself shows a passionate love for her and her past and her heroes of old time. His opposition to Patrick’s preaching lies in its rejection of her ancestral faith, in its renunciation of her ancestral heroes and it is to convince him that Patrick raise the ghost of Cuchulainn. The historic Laogaire, son of Niall of the Nine Hostages, and contemporary of St. Patrick, was King of Meath and High King or ardrigh of all Ireland from 425 A.D. to 463 A.D. During his reign the Senchus Mor, or code of Irish laws, was drawn up, and many councils are recorded to have taken place at Tara. He showed himself tolerant to Christianity, which was embraced by many of his relatives, but he himself ruffed to be converted and remained faithful to his ancestral religion. Many legends are told of his interviews with St. Patrick and of his obstinate paganism. He fought many wars with Leinster, not always with success, and was killed during one of them in 463, just two years after the death of St. Patrick.

Page 17: The sun rises and the music of an Irish march is heard. Then five processions enter by different entrances; first, the King and Brehon of Leinster in their saffron color robes, with a druid in white and their retainers in light blue; they take their seats to the right of the stage; another blare of the march, and the King and Brehon of Munster, with another druid, enter with their retainers in dark blue; they take their place to the left of the stage; another blare of the march and the Connaught procession enters, clad in dark red, and they take their place to the right of the High King’s throne; another blare of the march and the Ulster procession enters, clad in bright red, and take their place to the left of the High King’s throne; the march rises in intensity and the old High King enters with his brehon and his druid and his retainers in green, and takes his seat in the center of the stage.

Page 18: The music ceases, and the High King signs to his brehon to open the matter, which all have assembled to discuss, when the steward rushes forward and interrupts him with the news that the edict against fire has been infringed and that a red blaze has been seen on the horizon. The Kings of Oriel and Connaught demand the immediate punishment of the offender, though from different standpoints; the Kings of Munster and Leinster counsel mildness and delay, though from different standpoints; the High King accepts this counsel and sends his steward with twelve men, namely, the four servants and two chosen from the retainers of each of the other four kings, to bring the offender before the council. As they go up the hillside, the fire flares up for a last moment.

Page 19: At this moment the “Pange Lingua” is heard from the hilltop, and at the top of the hillside is seen a procession approaching. It is led by a crucifer bearing a cross; he is followed by Patrick in his episcopal robes, and by night missionaries chanting the processional; and after them come the steward of the High King with the twelve men, who had been sent to bring the offender who had lighted the forbidden fire. Those on the stage watch the procession.

When Patrick and his followers reach the stage, the steward declares that he has brought the offender who had lit the forbidden fire. Patrick explains the circumstances, describes his early slave life in Ireland, expounds his mission, and expresses his longing to see Ireland Christian. He is interrupted on all sides, when the High King rises, declares the council adjourned, and announces that the whole matter will be discussed after the usual feast and revels. The kings and their retainers retire to the music of the Irish march in the reverse order from that in which they entered; Patrick looks sadly after them. The missionaries again chant the “Pange Lingua,” and leave the stage, escorted by the steward. The stage darkens and an intermezzo is played by the orchestra.

The second episode begins with the entrance of the retainers of the kings, noisy, exhilarated, and partially intoxicated. The Brehon of Muster leads in a drinking song which is followed by the dancing of an Irish jig. Enter the kings themselves from the banquet. The King of Connaught is quarrelsomely drunk; the King of Munster mellow with liquor; the King of Leinster has drunk enough to loosen his tongue; the King of Ulster is sober and looks cynically on the noisy scene, while his druid is sober and indignant; the old High King takes his seat, looking sadly at the spectacle of such riotous behavior, but yet sympathetically at the joyous nature of the scene. The tumult is hushed; the drunken King of Munster falls into a drunken sleep; and, by the High King’s orders, Patrick and his missionaries are introduced by one entrance, under escort of the steward, and the chieftain, the victim of Care, under the escort of the Brehon of Leinster, by another.

Page 20: The High King presides with dignity. The chieftain is at his entrance utterly indifferent to Patrick, but he gradually becomes absorbed in his words and approaches closer to him.

The High King calls on Patrick to speak. Patrick speaks. As he speaks of the universal character of Christendom and the greatness of Rome, the King of Leinster interrupts and praises the individualism and the political and social freedom of the Irish Celts. Then as Patrick speaks of the sobriety of Christianity, the Brehon of Munster interrupts with the praise of liquor, as “gods’ good creature;” Patrick catches his tone and playfully promises to drive all the snakes out of Ireland, since the snakes are largely the result of the drunkard’s fuddled brain. Then Patrick speaks of the virtues of Christianity and of his God as the God of Peace. The King of Connaught brutally interrupts and shouts his praise of fighting and vice. Then Patrick attacks druidism and the Druid of Oriel opposes Patrick’s teaching as unpatriotic and sacrilegious. The chieftain, victim of Care, is attracted by an allusion to immortality and comes up close to Patrick. Then the High King, in solemn words, speaks of the ancestral heroes of Ireland, and asks if they, even the great Cuchulzinn, are damned because they were not Christians. To this argument Patrick replies with dignity; he calls on God to aid him; his missionaries chant; Patrick prays aloud; he waves his arm; and the spirit of Cuchulainn appears.

Page 21: Suddenly, angry at the attitude of the council and its rallying to Patrick’s side, the Druid of Oriel dash at Patrick with his dagger drawn and strikes at him; but the chieftain, victim of Care, springs to save Patrick and receives the blow. As he sinks to the ground, he asks for a further proof of the truth of the religion he has just embraced; the kings of Leinster and Oriel hold him up, and Patrick waves his arm thrice toward the hillside, where a great white cross appears. The missionaries chant the “Veni Creator”; the crowd all fall upon their knees, except the High King and the druids; even the King of Munster is awakened and flops on his knees; even the King of Connaught is awed; the forest is illuminated behind the cross; the music indicates the victory of the Christian chant over the music of the opening Irish march; Patrick raise his hand in blessing over the dying victim of Care, who slowly sinks back dead. Page 23: CAST OF CHARACTERS. THE HIGH KING (King of Meath): Mr. Frank P. Deering. ….. THE STEWARD OF THE HIGH KING: MR. W.H. Robinson. Page 25: SCENE I. At the foot of the Hill of Tara, in the Meath, Ireland. Preparation has been made for the Council of the Kings, which has been called upon the news of the landing of Bishop Patrick. There are five thrones for the Kings of Oriel in Ulster, Munster, Leinster, Connaught, and Meath. The throne of the King of Meath, who is Ardrigh or High King of all Ireland, is in the center; to the right, the throne of the Kings of Oriel and Munster; to the left, the thrones of the Kings of Connaught and Leinster. The gray of dawn. [The Steward of the High King enters and with him four Servants, carrying fresh brush.

Page 26: FIRST SERVANT: Why meets the council at this present time? THE STEWARD: The news arrived not many months ago Of foreign wizards landing on this shore, Attacking the beliefs of former days, Disturbing with strange words the minds of men Who worship as their fathers did of old, And working wonders, which surpass in skill, In miracle and in prophetic truth, All that our druids do. This the High King, Learning from many sources, felt to be So great a menace to our Irish faith, That he sent forth his summons through the land To all the kings of Ireland to come here, During the sacred season of Beltane, To the old accustomed council place of kings, The holy hill of Tara, to decide, What steps to take against the wizards, who Have dared deny old Ireland’s cherished gods. Page 27: SECOND SERVANT: By what name, sir, are these foul wizards called? THE STEWARD: I know not; but the leader of the band, A British slave, who broke his bonds and fled, Once kept the flocks of sheep of old Miliucc. He on returning caused the flames to fall From heaven by magic to consume the hall Of his old master and destroy it all. But cease this idle talking; get to work — Give the last touches to the council place — Remove the branches and the leaves that fell During the night; make fair the thrones of kings. For days I’ve labored with unceasing toil That all things shall be fit and proper for This morning’s council. The first streaks of dawn Show in the east. As I cam through the camps, I heard the din among the followers Of Ireland’s kings, for each is trying hard To outshine the others, and I deem it wise In the High King to limit close the force That each might bring to council; else, no doubt, Unequal strength might tempt from words to blows. All night I watched in darkness, for the law Of Beltane’s feast is strict, that none shall light On pain of death a fire upon this night. [While the Steward is speaking, the Servants are busied in removing the litter of branches and leaves. Page 29: FIRST SERVANT (climbing to the High King’s seat, and clearing it of leaves) This, then, must be the seat of Laogaire, High King of Ireland, our most gracious lord, Since it o’erlooks the rest, and he presides In ireland’s councils. SECOND SERVANT (aiding him): But he is also King of the Meath, our middle kingdom famed, Which touches all the others, and itself Is heart of Ireland, for its bounds include This holy Hill of Tara where we pray. THE STEWARD: Yes, make all fit for good King Laogaire, High King of Ireland, valiant, wise, and just, Who ne’er forgives an injury, yet holds Rein on his passions; whose reverend age Makes the more youthful listen, and whose fame Makes them obey; who living well the old Yet lends his ear when novel tales are told. [Red flame flashes up on the hillside. THIRD SERVANT: Master! the flame! FOURTH SERVANT: Look how it flashes bright! Page 30: THE STEWARD: What mans this fire on Beltan’s sacred night? The law is known. The punishment is death. All night I watched in darkness for the dawn, Despite official duties pressing me. [The flame flares up again. It seems to come from Slaney, just across The valley, and some stranger must have lit A blazing bonfire, for no son of Meath Could have ignored the law. [The flame dies down. Now it dies down — I must at once to the High King repair And tell him of this sacrilegious fire. For from the other scarpment of the hill The light could not be seen. (moving as though to leave) But ’tis too late; I hear the tramp of footsteps coming near. (returning) So I must wait until the chiefs are set And in full council tell this fearful crime And breach of Beltane’s laws. Stand ye right here, While I prepare to marshal forth the kings. Page 32: MEN OF ULSTER (singing): We, the valiant sons of Ulster, From our hills have come; From the cold, bleak winds of Ulster, From our northern home. Where the ancient gods are loved now, As they were of old, And the Red Branch legends tell how Men were brave and bold. [The High King’s procession enters. Twelve retainers in green march first, in the same quick step as the others, singing, and are followed by the High King, walking very slowly and bowing to the other kings, closely supported by his Brehon and Druid. MEN OF MEATH (singing) We are men to central Ireland, Middle Meath our home; Dwelling in the heart of Ireland All the land’s our home. Here old Ireland’s life we cherish ‘Neath our holy hill; Here all wrath and discords perish; Ireland a nation still! [All talk their seats, group round the five thrones. THE HIGH KING: Welcome to Tara! Now the hour has come When we in solemn council must resolve What steps to take to save old Ireland’s faith. Page 33: THE DRUIDS: The day is propitious, the auguries are fair. THE BREHON OF MEATH: The Council is opened — [The Steward comes forward, raises his hand, checks the Brehon of Meath in the very act of speaking, attracts all eyes, creates silence by his gestures, and addresses the High King. THE STEWARD: Hear me, my lords Ye chiefs and priests of Ireland. As the dawn Showed in the east this day, and as we set The place for this great meeting, forth there flashed Bright flames from Slaney right across the sky, Reddening the heavens and startling all who saw. Whether by mortal or immortal hands The fire was lit, I know not, but the law Of Beltane’s sacred feast by act of man Or act of god was broken, and I deem It was my duty to acquaint ye all With this strange portent ‘ere the council met. Page 34: THE DRUID OF ORIEL: What says the prophecy, that from of old Forbids the lighting of the wonted fires On Beltane’s feast, until the sacred flame Is started with due rites by holy priest? Whenever starts a fire on spring’s first morn, Not lit by druid’s hand, Not fed by druid’s breath, Not blessed by druid’s prayer, The ancient faith of Ireland will give way, The druid faith, before the doctrines new Of the new god, who lit the fated flame. Therefore, the druids made the sacred law To save their faith from peril, that the man Who lights such fire shall surely die the death. My mind misgives me that the fatal day For Ireland’s druid faith has dawned at last, And that the British preacher, whose onset Upon our faith has caused this council here, Makes thus his challenge to our trembling fear. But we invoke the law. [He turns to the King of Oriel and then to The High King. My chief and I, Druid and King of Oriel, demand The instant punishment of death upon The sacrilegious lighter of the fire Of which the Steward tells us. Page 35: THE HIGH KING. I grant the justice of the druids’ plaint; The law has been infringed; I, like Connaught, Hold close by ancient usage; but I yield To Leinster’s plea for judgment, slow and sure. Give order, breton, for the bringing here At once, without delay, of all who shared In breaking Beltane’s law on this spring morn. Page 36: THE BREHON OF MEATH (to the Steward) Go toward Slaney, where the fire was seen, Taking twelve men, of whom four of thine own And two selected from each chieftain’s train. Find and bring straight before the council here, Without permitting e’en the least delay, All who have broken the most sacred law By lighting fires upon the Beltane feast. [The Steward selects his men, four of his own, the fours servants who were with him in the opening scene, takes two from the retainers of each of the four kings, and, marshaling them, bows to the High King and goes up the hillside; the rest watch them; the light flares up for the last time. While the Steward is selecting the retainers and marching up the hillside with them, the Brehon of Connaught is still showing his indignation at the slurs cast upon the “savage west.” He rises from his seat to protest. Page 37: THE HIGH KING: Brehon, the time has come now to discuss The matter which has led me here to call The chiefs of Ireland. Open thou the cause. Page 38: THE BREHON OF MEATH: Kings, brehons, druids, all, give ear, And hearken to the words that I shall say: Upon the coast of Ireland late there came A former slave, of British birth, who fled From bondage more than twenty years ago. He now returns, and, working magic spells And showing wonders, has bewitched men’s minds So that they doubt the gods of olden time. Hearing these tidings, wise King Laogaire, Remembering prophecies of ancient days, And fearing for the life of druid faith, Resolved to summon here a council great, Such as is won’t to meet at solemn feasts To settle matters of the common weal. The High King deems it well all should agree To face this peril with united strength. Full well he knows that Irishmen hold fast Their fathers’ faith, but also well he knows Concerted action only can be had After due consultation and debate. So now he asks your counsel, one and all, To lure this British wizard to his fall. THE KING OF LEINSTER: The High King knows that Irish chiefs are free, And able to take care of their own lands; His petty realm of Meath, as all men know, Exists by my forbearance, and my septs, The valiant men of Leinster, oft have shown That Loagaire is king in name alone Over all Ireland — [The men of Meath spring from their seats with indignation, but are quieted by the High King. Page 40: THE KING OF ORIEL (Slowly and with emphasis) It seems, High King, we have forgot the cause That brought us all to Tara. And, alas! The usual brawling threatens Ireland’s peace, And Ireland’s factions ruin Ireland’s hopes. We never work together, yet the times Are evil, and the danger now is great That the one thing that knits all Irish hearts, Our fathers’ faith, may now be torn and lost. I reverence the gods, and I believe The druids are the mouthpieces of heaven, Who know the past and future, and whose prayers Turn the wrath from us, that would surely fall But for the old accustomed sacrifice. So I would bid you hear the sacred words Of the most learned druid of them all, Whose pious life and reverent countenance Have won the allegiance of all Ulster men. Page 42: THE KING OF LEINSTER: Who’s this intruder? By his garb a chief, With mind distraught, a victim of great grief. THE BREHON OF MEATH (after whispering to the High King) Who art thou, man of sorrow? Who art thou, Victim of Care? The High King fain would know Thy purpose and thy aim in coming here, Where Ireland’s chiefs are met on Tara’s hill? THE CHIEFTAIN (rousing himself and looking round) The High King! Ireland’s chief’s and Tara’s hill! What! These are men with eyes to see and hearts To suffer! They shall hear my wingèd words, And, while I rend their breasts with my sad tale, Perchance I shall find solace in my own. Page 43: THE HIGH KING: Speak, chieftain; Ireland’s council is prepared To listen to the tale thou hast to tell. THE KING OF LEISTER (coming down and placing a hand on the Chieftain’s shoulder): High King, I recognize this man at last, A happier, braver chief there never lived Till care and sorrow came across his path. Page 45: THE HIGH KING: And this was done in Ireland. Such a crime Pollutes the very ears of those that hear. THE KING OF MUNSTER: Give him to drink; let him forget his woes. [The Brehon of Munster goes to the Chieftain with the cup; the Chieftain gently repulses him. THE CHIEFTAIN: Forgetfulness cannot be thus attained. Page 47: THE CHIEFTAIN: What! Can my king have done this thing? My old, my trusted friend, with whom I played In childhood’s days — who honored me — and her! I’ll tear his life from out his grinning soul! Let me have vengeance. [The Chieftain rushes at the King of Connaught with his knife drawn; the latter continues to grin sardonically; the Chieftain rush up the steps of his throne; the Brehon of Connaught receives the blow and is wounded, but he throws himself on the Chieftain and saves his king. The Chieftain is secured; at a sign from the High King, the King of Leinster takes charge of the Chieftain, and some of the men of Leinster headed by the Brehon of Leinster, bustle him off the stage. As the excitement subsides the first notes are heard from the top of the hill, and Patrick appears with his process, consisting of the escort under the Steward, the Crucifer and eight missionaries. The crowd below turns and looks at the descending procession; the followers of Patrick chant the first there verses of the Easter hymn, the “Pange Lingua.” When the procession reaches the foot of the hill, Patrick, his Crucifer and the eight missionaries, come forward into the open space before the throne while the rest of the escort falls back. THE STEWARD: This is the man, High King, who lit the fire. We found him making a strange sacrifice, Clad in strange raiment, with these followers, Chanting strange incantations, and we brought Him hither straightway, as the order ran. Page 49: THE KING OF CONNAUGHT (interrupting): A slave escaped from me! Give him to me, High King, I’ll deal with him. Page 51: PATRICK: The law I knew; the prophecy likewise. And, since I come to drive the demons forth And break the druid power, I challenged thus Their ancient custom, and defied their wrath. It happened further that this morning was The Easter morn, and on this holy day We Christians celebrate the paschal feast Which Christ, our Lord, founded before His death. In the full robes a Christian bishop wears I did mine office; as the fire I lit, A little flame, it shot up to the skies And reddened all the heavens, thus showing all The challenge I intend to issue forth. And now, High King, most mighty Laogaire, Son of great Niall, I am eager to contend With all the druids, and to show that Christ, My Master dear, who died upon the cross, Has sent me here to save your souls from hell. Give me the chance to prove my God is truth. Page 53: THE HIGH KING: Welcome are guests to Tara’s banquet hall. Steward, take charge of Patrick and his band. Music, strike up! we’ll march to our repast. [The retainers sing the Chorus of Retreat. CHORUS: Let us march with joy and singing, Revel high to hold; Let us keep the hillside ringing, As was done of old; For all Ireland’s life we cherish,’Neath our holy hill; Now may wrath and discord perish! Ireland a nation still! [The five processions march off in the same direction, singing; the High King closing the march. As the kings pass Patrick they read him with anger, contempt, interest, sympathy or dignity, according to their respective characters. As the music dies away, Patrick turns to his followers, the Cross is raised, the first verse of the “Pange Lingua” is chanted, and the missionaries are led away by the Steward. Page 54: SCENE II. The same as Scene I. The evening of the same day. [The Steward of the High King, the four servants and the retainers of the High King enter bearing torches. THE STEWARD: Now that the fast is o’er, the revels closed, The chiefs will soon return, and I must go To bring forth Patrick and his followers To plead their cause before the Irish kings. (to the Servants) Arrange the torches so that all may see, And make the evening seem as bright as day. [The retainers arrange torches and light braziers. The Steward goes out. Noise heard without. Page 57: FIRST SERVANT: A dance! A dance! What’s song without a dance! SECOND SERVANT: As Ireland has her songs, she has her dances, Unrivaled in their merriment and grace. Come, let the best among you dance for us. [Eight young men — two each from Munster, Ulster, Connaught and Leinster — step forward and begin to dance. When the music ends and during the applause that follows, the High King entry with the Brehon and Druid of Meath, conducted by the Steward. He smiles at the scene and goes to his seat. The retainers settle to their places. THE BREHON OF MEATH (raising his voice): The time for revelry has now expired. The High King bids that silence be proclaimed. [There is a gradual settling down of the crowd under the urging of the Steward. The King of Munster and the King of Connaught fall into drunken sleep. But after their drinking, dancing and revealing, the retains cannot entirely settle down at once. The High King begs our sacred singer here, Druid of Erin, now to sing the song, Which cheers the hearts of loyal Irishmen More than the utterances of drunken joy. Page 59: CHORUS: ’Tis Erin, dear Erin, etc. [While the last chorus is being sung, the Steward, who has left during the song, returns conducting Patrick and his followers, who take up a position in the center of the space before the throes, the Crucifer holding up the cross. At the same time, the Brehon of Leinster brings in the Chieftain, who seats himself moodily below the King of Leinster, alternately glancing fiercely at the King of Connaught and brooding in melancholy fashion. The council settles itself. Patrick faces the High King. THE BREHON OF MEATH: Now we will listen to the argument Made to us by this former British slave. (to Patrick) The High King bids you speak, but bids you fear How you insult belief in holy things. The druids here will quick refute your words, Unless you prove the truth of what you say. Page 64: THE HIGH KING: But, Patrick, is this fearful fate prescribed For those, who never had the chance to hear Your teaching, for the little unborn babes, Like those of Fochland, whose sweet memory Made you come hither, or for those of old, Who lived and died in the druidic faith, Our fathers and the heroes of the past? Page 65: PATRICK (troubled): Most High King, son of Niall, great Laogaire I know not how to answer. I’m unskilled And quite unlearned, so I leave to God The solving of such problems as you set. I know that God is mighty and is just And do not fear to leave to Him the fate Of those who have not heard His blessed word. THE HIGH KING. I cannot leave my question. You must tell The answer. Could I bear to be in heaven, The heaven of Christians, while my father lay In torture of such flames as you describe Burn in the Christian hell, or would I choose To spend eternity in any place, Where great Cuchulainn, Ireland’s hero fame, Is not revered? Answer that question straight! Page 66: PATRICK: Appear Cuchulainn, appear, appear, In such guise as thou livedst upon this earth, [Music is heard and the apparition of Cuchulzinn, in ghostly gray apparel with a long lance in his hand, comes mysteriously into view. The King of Munster is terrified, as are the retains of all the Kings; the Druids are unembarrassed; the King of Connaught grins; the King of Leinster smiles skeptically; the King of Oriel is interested; the High King rises from his seat; the Chieftain, who has now come up to Patrick, does not look at the Apparition, but gazes into Patrick’s ecstatic face. PATRICK (triumphantly): Praise God for all His mercies. (to the Apparition:) Who art thou? THE APPARITION: I was Cuchulainn. God sent me here. THE HIGH KING: Art thou indeed Cuchulainn, dead long since, And passed into the spirit world? THE APPARITION: I am. Page 67: PATRICK (slowly): Spirit of eld, the High King, Laogaire, Will not believe in God the Father’s love, Nor in His Son, nor in the Holy Ghost, And will not hear my word, until he knows Whither thy spirit fled upon thy death, For he desires to be where thou dost rule. Page 68: PATRICK: Oh, tell the king, Oh! tell King Laogaire, tell all within The hearing of thy voice, that God is good And does but seek the soul of men to save. Tell him to look for mercy and to pray That they may meet at other in the heaven Thou mayest not enter. THE APPARTION (to the High King): Listen, thou, to me And save thy soul from death by heeding well The message of the servant loved of God, The Bishop Patrick. [The Apparition vanishes and there is silence for a moment.] Page 70: PATRICK: Forgive, that thou mayst truly be forgiven; Forgive thine enemies. THE CHIEFTAIN: Yes, all except The King of Connaught, I cannot forgive The King of Connaught. PATRICK: Look, my son, upon The cross, and think what Christ had to forgive. [The Chieftain grows weaker, and is supported with difficulty by the Kings of Oriel and Leinster; the High King comes down from his seat with his Druid and Brehon. The King of Connaught comes down closely surrounded by his retainers, fearing violence. THE CHIEFTAIN: Him also I forgive… But I lose strength. My eyes are growing dim. I cannot se The cross of Christ. Page 71: PATRICK (deeply moved): This, my first convert, gives his life for me, And can I not a miracle perform To aid his dying sight? If God could bring A ghost from hell, at my beseeching Him, Will He not listen to my prayers again, And set the symbol of salvation high Upon the Hill of Tara, as a sign That God has come to Ireland to remain And make this favored land the Isle of Saints. [Patrick blesses the Chieftain, then falls on his knees, and looks ecstatically up the hillside. The “Veni Creator” begins, the torches go out and a great whit cross appears far up the hillside; all rcpt the High King and the five Druids fall on their knees; the Chieftain staggers to his feet, sees the cross and falls back dead. As the “Veni Creator” finally closes, the followers of Patrick carry out the body of the Chieftain. The music ends, the cross disappears and the hillside is illumine as all slowly withdraw.

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