#in fact i wish I'd been allowed to end him myself

[thisisntreaver]

Personally as a Barry Hatch hater I wish i could have spared the woman that murdered him, shes my hero

[lanadelnegan]

Hi there! This is my first time doing an ask so I hope I'm doing it correctly! If you want to, can you do dead city Negan x female reader who is traveling with Maggie and she and Maggie had been friends even before Glenn and she used to be in Rick's group and Negan really liked her in the later seasons but never did anything about it until he was traveling with her and Maggie and then they end up talking and having sex? If you don't want to do this, just ignore!

are you kidding me? YES. I've been wanting to do dead city negan so I am so excited for this one. Hope you love it. xx

Knock Knock

DeadCity!Negan x Reader

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, dead city season 1 spoilers, vaginal sex (riding), hot hot hot smut.

"Knock knock.... I said.. knock knock." I glance around the corner to see Negan bashing a man's head through the glass windows.

"Butter." He answers himself. ".... Butter who? Well you butter get out your umbrellas cause it is about to goddamn rain." I watch from a distance as he slices the man's throat and blood sprays down from the second floor down.

He throws the man over the railing before turning back towards Maggie and me. I lock eyes with him and I... think I finally get him.

"Move! Go!" He quickly leads the three of us away from the chaos. Although my brain switches to survival mode, I'm still somehow hyper aware of the fact that Negan's hand doesn't leave my lower back the entire time we're running.

I've always been physically attracted to Negan, although I'd never admit that to anyone, especially Maggie. I've known Maggie longer than anyone from our group and I love her like a sister... And I loved Glenn like a brother.

The day we met Negan, our lives changed forever. I told myself I'd never fall for anyone, because I couldn't allow myself to ever go through the pain I had to watch Maggie go through... That we all had to go through. I try not to get attached to many people because my biggest fear is losing the people I love.

I don't forgive Negan, but watching what he did earlier.. I think I understand who he is now. His charisma is his weapon. And it works.

"....... y/n ...... "Y/n?!" I snap my head towards Maggie's voice. "Why are you staring at him like that?!" She whispers angrily at me.

I look back at Negan sleeping on the mattress on the floor next to us. We managed to escape and found a small abandoned space to allow us to rest for a bit. We - well, I.. offered to let Negan sleep first since he's refused to shut his eyes once since we got here two days ago.

And as I sit here staring at him, I can't help but think.. he trusts us to look after things while he sleeps. We could slit his throat right now, but he.. trusts us. And we're seriously turning him in to the Croat? I'd do anything to get Hershel back and I don't blame Maggie for what she's doing. But.. tricking him seems.. wrong. He agreed to help because he wanted to.. because he cares.. and we're using him. My stomach aches at the thought.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Maggie snaps again.

I glance at her before staring at the floor in front of me. There's no point in explaining my thoughts to her. Nothing is going to stop her plan, and I don't even know if I want her to stop the plan. I want Hershel back too. I just wish there was another way that didn't involve.. hurting him.

"I don't know what your problem is, y/n. But you've barely said a word since yesterday. Get it together. Remember the plan... I'm going to search the building to see our exit options. Stay here and keep your eyes on him.. since you don't seem to have a problem doing that."

I ignore her attitude and continue staring at the floor as she walks past me, leaving me in the quiet room with Negan.

When the door click shuts, Negan lets out a loud sigh and my eyes widen at him. His eyes are still shut but he finally speaks. "She's right, ya know?"

I stare at him, waiting for him to explain what he means. "You have been weird since yesterday. What's on your mind, girl?"

"Why would I tell you?"

He turns his eyes towards me, still laying on his back with his hand resting behind his head.

"When are you gonna drop the act, y/n?"

"What act?"

"The one where you pretend you don't want my dick."

I scoff and lean forward. "You can't be serious. The only one here who knows how to put on a show.. is you."

"And how is that exactly?"

I think about his little performance earlier. ".... You pretend you're some scary badass so that people will be scared of you. You put on these little shows so people think you're crazy and end up giving in to you."

He just laughs. "I don't have to pretend to be a badass, darlin'."

I roll my eyes, annoyed that he missed the point.

He eyes me curiously. "And so what if I put on a show? It works, don't it?" His grin stretches wider.

"Yeah, you did a great job traumatizing our entire community. Congrats, Negan."

His smirk slowly fades and he sits up on the mattress, his back leaning against the wall behind him.

"Y/n, how many times do I have say I'm sorry? I live with the guilt every goddamn day. Isn't that punishment enough?"

I scoff. "You could get down on your knees and beg and it still wouldn't be enough."

His eyebrows raise playfully at my suggestion but I ignore him.

"Look, Negan. I'm probably the only one in our group that has any empathy towards you. And I'm not proud to admit that. But the times we live in.. I know that people have to do things in order to survive. Not that what you did was okay, but.. I.. I get it now."

He just nods acceptingly, so I get up, my ass numb from sitting on the hard floor. I grab a granola bar out of my backpack and go sit next to him on the mattress.

"I'm sitting here because my ass hurts, not because I want to be next to you." I explain before taking a bite out of my granola bar. I offer him the rest and he accepts it. We sit in silence for a moment before we look at each other.

I can't help but study his face, noticing the gray hairs spread throughout his beard. He has more wrinkles around his eyes than the "old Negan" and it gives him a softer look than before. For a moment I let myself imagine what it would be like to be with him and forget all the bad he's done.

"What are you thinking about right now?" He deep voice is barely above a whisper and I don't miss the way his eyes quickly dart to my mouth.

Before I give myself time come to my senses, I lean forward and press my lips to his. I can tell he's caught off guard but he eventually kisses me back, allowing my tongue to slide past his lips. I moan softly into his mouth before pulling back just enough to look at him and observe his reaction. His hazel brown eyes are blown with lust as he waits for my next move.

I know this is wrong but that somehow makes me want him more. I crash my lips against his again, kissing him harder this time. He turns his body more towards mine and brings his hand to the back of my neck to deepen our kiss.

Before I get too carried away, I stand up, walking to the door and shoving a couch in front of it just in case Maggie comes back soon.

Fuck... Maggie. Guilt washes over me and I stand still, contemplating what the fuck I'm doing with my life.

This is the apocalypse. People do bad things.. unforgiveable things. That's just the world we live in. I give myself a mental pep talk and take my shirt off before I can change my mind. I slide my pants down and kick them to the side before walking back over to Negan.

I stand over him as he sits with his back against the wall and his legs stretched out in front of him.

He pats his lap and smirks up at me. "Have a seat, darlin'."

I sit down, straddling his lap with my knees on either side of him on the mattress. His large, rough hands grip my hips and he looks up at me. My lips find their way back to his again and I bring my hands up, cupping his face as I allow myself to get lost in the taste of his mouth.

He groans softly and I feel him grow underneath me. I break the kiss to look down between us and notice the large bulge in his pants.

"Your dick better be as big as you act like it is." I warn him while unbuttoning his pants. His hands remain glued to my hips and he smirks up at me, like he wants to see my face when I see his dick for the first time.

I unzip his pants and pull out his fully erect cock. He's long, heavy and thick in my hand and my mouth slightly drops open at the sight of it.

"See, darlin'? It wasn't an act." I can't tear my eyes away from it long enough to see his proud grin stretched across his handsome face.

I'm pretty sure my cheeks are just as red as the tip right now. While I'm admiring him, I feel his hand reach for my ass and squeeze before he slowly slips his fingers underneath my panties from behind. The tip of his middle finger finds my already soaked opening and he pushes his finger in me, causing me to moan while he chuckles darkly.

His finger slides out of me before he brings it up to his mouth, sucking my juices off. "God, baby." He moans at the taste, rolling his eyes back in his head dramatically. "You taste fucking amazing."

I blush at the sight of him tasting me and lift myself up over him until he's at my entrance. His hands are back on my hips as he guides me, looking down between us. He watches himself disappear inside of me and groans with satisfaction.

"Fuuuuck, baby. Look. At. That."

I slowly slide down on him before stopping half way.

"Come on doll, you can take more than that." He encourages me.

I try to sit all the way down on him but it hurts too bad. I've never had something in me so deep and there's still a good three more inches to go. I shake my head, "Negan.. I can't. It's too big."

He laughs and bends his knees, his feet resting on the mattress now, before thrusting up into me without warning. I gasp at the sudden pain.

"Just had to break the barrier, baby." He smiles up at me and I almost slap him before I realize I'm now able to slide down on his length all the way to his balls. I feel every inch of him pressed tightly against my inner walls. My arms wrap around his shoulders as I rock myself back and forth, trying my best to make room for him, but he fills the space inside of me completely.

He groans from the sensation and bites down on the skin between my neck and shoulder. I'm too caught up in how good this feels to worry about him leaving a mark on me.

My pussy pulses at how good he feels in me and he must feel it because he lets out another satisfied groan.

"Fuck darlin', if you squeeze me any tighter I'm not gonna be able to control myself."

I lean back a little, my arms still holding onto him and look into his eyes. I adjust, allowing myself to easily bounce up and down on his cock now. He slams my hips down on him roughly with each bounce and the feeling of his tip pushing against my cervix over and over causes my face to flush red and the butterflies in my stomach to travel south. My mouth is dropped open slightly as I stare at him, unable to even form a sound. I'm not a virgin by any means, but this feels like nothing I've ever experienced in my life.

He stares back at me grinning like he can hear my thoughts. "Let me hear you, baby. How good does daddy make you feel?"

"So. Fucking. Good. Oh my goddd." I bounce on him faster and moan loudly.

"That's it, baby." He grunts out. "Such a good fucking girl."

"Negan.. I'm-" I can't even finish my sentence before my orgasm catapults me into another dimension. He watches my face closely as I come apart around him.

The sound of walkers suddenly appear behind the door and I hear Maggie coming down the hall, stabbing them one by one.

"Oh fuck." My eyes widen as I look at him. I try to jump off him but he slams me back down on him.

"No way baby, you're finishing what you started."

I panic when I hear her get closer. "Negan!" I whisper yell at him. "Fuck.. just.. cum in me!"

This time his eyes widen at me.

"We don't have time to clean up!" I explain. "Cum in me. Now."

He thrusts up into a couple more times before his hips halt and I feel his dick pulsing inside me over and over. His head is dropped back against the wall as he cums and I watch him bite his bottom lip to suppress his moans.

I quickly jump off him and set a world record with how fast I throw my clothes on. Negan shoves himself back in his pants and zips them up. I move the couch from the doorway and fling the door open, helping Maggie finish off the rest of the walkers.

She looks at me annoyed while she shoves past me. "What the hell took you so long to come help?!"

I follow Maggie back into the room. She finds Negan laying on his back again with his eyes shut, like he never moved an inch before eyeing me suspiciously. Warm liquid suddenly pools uncomfortably in my underwear and I shrug at her, biting back a grin at the sight of Negan "sleeping."

He really is a good actor.

This was so fun to write. Thank you for the request!!!

[gales-wizard-wife]

Gale Confession One Shot

This takes place after Ketheric for a more slow burn confession.

I sat at the fire, a chalice of red wine in hand, sipping as I was lost in thought. The others had long fallen asleep and knowing even my trance would be unobtainable I offered to keep watch. Our battle with Ketheric had been weeks ago but even so everyone remained on edge. Numerous Githyanki squads had come for us in the name of Vlaakith and it felt as though we were still far from the end of our plight. That wasn’t what was on my mind, though, and as I took another sip, I wished desperately for the company of someone; Gale. I hadn’t been in love with him for long, although I'd found him charming from the first moment I’d pulled him from that rune all that time ago. 

But when Elminster had appeared with his orders from Mystra, I suddenly found myself cursing a goddess I had so long admired and followed. Now, I would fight her given the chance. To hear that she would send him on a suicide mission had made my blood run cold and I immediately shot down the notion that he could even allow himself to do such a thing for a goddess who had all but forsaken him. He hadn’t agreed, of course. In fact, he’d originally decided to go along with her plan. When the moment came, I begged him to reconsider. Whether it was my words, or perhaps a sudden appreciation for his life, he had decided not to sacrifice himself, to not blow up the orb within his chest to take down the Absolute. I felt at that moment as though I could breathe again. How much longer could I go without telling him the truth now that I knew the true extent of my feelings?

The sudden clearing of someone's throat took me out of my thoughts, causing me to jump. I clearly was not doing a good job of being look out. I looked up, shocked to find Gale standing before me. 

“Keena.” He smiled, causing my heart to flutter. 

“Gale.” I breathed, feeling nervous.

“Mind if I join you?”

"Not at all.” I moved over a bit, giving him extra space. He sat, his own chalice of wine in hand.

“I hope I didn’t wake you” I sighed, and he chuckled as he sat.

“Wake me? You were silent. Although, I hope I didn’t disturb your thoughts, you looked deep in them.” 

I blushed, turning my head and taking another sip.

We sat in silence, only the sounds of the crackling fire and nature to be heard.

“Are you alright?” He asked and as I turned my head our eyes met, leaving me without a voice for a moment.

“I am.” We stayed like that for a time, gazing at each other, before he spoke again.

“I was hoping for a moment like this with you, while the others are asleep. Could you spare me a moment of your time?” He looked nervous now which caused a deep pit of anxiety to form in my chest. 

         “Of course.” I said and he smiled at that and I blushed even further, and realized I was definitely embarrassing myself.

          “I often think of what would become of everyone, of the world, had I decided to blow myself up to destroy the Absolute. Would all of this be over?” My heart sank at that, something I had thought of more times than I cared to admit. I stayed silent, giving him the chance to speak.

          “But you stopped me, which if I'm being honest, surprised me.” My heart was suddenly in my throat.

          “I couldn't let you kill yourself. I…” I trailed off, unsure of how to finish my sentence.

          “Do you remember the first time we met?” He asked and I suddenly found myself grinning but didn't say anything, curious as to where this was going. “You managed to calm the rune with your own, quite impressive, magic and you pulled me out. A complete stranger, no less, and you saved me.” Where is this going?

           “I felt lucky to be saved. But to be saved by you…” I felt like I couldn't breath suddenly and forced myself to take another drink, I was on the verge of becoming drunk. I'd have to scold Astarion for giving me such a strong wine.

            “You were breathtaking.” I froze, my eyes moving back to him. The look he was giving me was wistful, his eyes alight in the glow of the warm fire.

            “I fell in love with you then.” he said and we were both silent, the fire feeling a little too warm now.

             “I've wanted to tell you for so long, Keena. But I couldn't find the words. Couldn't fight the fear of the possibility that you didn't feel the same.” I couldn't find the words to respond, he didn't seem to mind though as he continued, “I saw how you panicked when I nearly approached the Nether Brain myself, ready to sacrifice myself for the world, for you. And for a moment,” he paused, “for a moment I allowed myself to hope that you felt the same. That you loved me too. And I decided to live on the possibility that I could live for you. That hope was enough to keep me living a life that had lost meaning.” 

           “Gale.” I breathed and we locked eyes once more. With my free hand, I grabbed his, relishing the feeling of his skin against mine, something I had longed for. He looked at our hands and back at me, his eyes asking for more. I leaned in then, no longer able to control myself, and pressed my lips to his. He tasted of wine and the smoke of the fire and him. Suddenly, his arm was around my waist and he pulled me closer, deepening our kiss. It felt as though we were the only two people in faerun. After a moment, I pulled away, our foreheads pressed against each other and our breathing hard.

          “I love you too.” I whispered, not wanting to break our little bubble.

          He smiled, relief clear on his features.

          “Then all you have to do is say the words and I am yours, mind, body and soul.”

          “I'm yours.” I whispered once more and he kissed me again, deep and hungry, pouring all of his love into me.

[super-paper]

you don't have to respond to this if you don't want to, but--I saw you mentioning you felt stupid earlier and I'm going through the same feelings myself but I just wanted to say that your analysis of my hero academia was genuinely the best I'd ever seen after following the comic for almost an entire decade(I've been here since almost the beginning...). it's not your fault if the writing took a bizarre turn, you were correctly recognizing things about the story that was presented to you and I've really appreciated your presence ever since the first time I read one of your posts.

Thank you for your kind words, they really helped me feel better. I always enjoy reading your thoughts as well, so I hope you are able to feel better soon as well.

At any rate, I think I'm a bit calmer now-- At the risk of setting myself up for more heartbreak in two weeks, I really think there's no way for it not to be a fake out because Tenko dying sincerely is a failure on every level for so-so-so many characters and the story as a whole. Izuku wanted to redefine OFA as a power meant for saving not killing, yet OFA ends up killing Tenko anyway? We get a scene where the main villain literally mocks Tenko for having never been his own person and commands him to disappear, and he does?? Nana ultimately fails to save her family from AFO a third and final time??? The Yoichi expy is ultimately forced to die while tethered to his abuser and is never allowed to truly escape or live a life outside of AFO???? Spinner pushes himself to his absolute limit and Kurogiri sacrifices himself because they both want to save Tenko, and it ends up being all for nothing????? Toshinori never gets any resolution with his beloved mentor's sole remaining family and has to live with the pain of once again failing to save her legacy?????? Tenko wants to become a hero to the villains, to the LOV specifically, but dies while all of them are literally hanging on by a thread at this time???????? Gran Torino was right??????????? There's bittersweet endings and there's bleak endings, and this is absolutely bleak if true.

Like, I know death and rebirth are huge themes in MHA-- but this is a case where the overall build up and execution of the chapter has left much to be desired. Still, the fact that Tenko says the name "Shigaraki Tomura" in quotation marks in the raw text does lend to the idea that this is actually the death of his villain persona rather than the death of the individual-- my other big concern rn is how Tenko's rebirth will ultimately be executed, since he still asks Izuku to pass a message along to Spinner on his behalf. Like..... a resurrection that has him losing his memories of his life as Tomura, or reverting back to his young "untraumatized" self, obviously feels wrong for entirely different reasons-- but this is just speculation atp and I don't wanna get worked up over smthing that hasn't happened yet.

Tenko's ""death"" also shares explicit parallels to both Toshinori's and Katsuki's brushes with death, so I do think Hrkshi could make things come full circle in a satisfying way here-- if Tenko's death is the only one that actually sticks while the heroes are allowed to defy all odds and resurrect/be reborn as the best possible versions of themselves, then obviously there's no salvaging the story. But I wanna have faith.

(Side note: Tenko/Toshi/Katsuki's (and even Touya's) limbo scenes depict them as surrounded by light and "sharing" that infinite space with someone who sincerely wants them to live-- and these scenes are starkly contrasted with AFO's limbo scenes, where his moments before death all depict as him being surrounded by darkness while being mocked by the vestiges of his victims.)

Anyway!!! At my own peril, I'll be leaning hard into the "Tenko Shimura: Rising + quirk awakening + aura!might using his vestige and the remnants of OFA to fill in the gaps of the broken reconstruction quirk (thereby fulfilling Izuku's wish to turn OFA into a power that exists to save while also helping Tenko symbolically embrace that he has the power to do more than just destroy-- he can save the villains through creation, not destruction)" theories from this point forward.

[kianaisspiraling]

Wish we could turn back time to when things were still okay.

Wish Techno was still here, and I wish Wilbur wasn't a shitty person.

I miss when there were four SBI. Permanently stuck at 2/4 now.

I'd rather say 2/3, actually. Wilbur doesn't deserve to be there.

Fuck Wilbur. I hope nothing else falls apart, I may not watch this side of mcyt anymore, but every time something happens, another piece of my inner child dies.

Condolences to everyone who grieves for Techno, to everyone that Wilbur hurt, and to everyone who feels like their world is crumbling because of all of this.

I miss when the dsmp was my comfort space. Sometimes, I wish I never got into the dsmp at all because of how all the recent incidents have affected me, but I ultimately don't think I regret it. The good memories are now tainted by bad, but that doesn't mean there's no good to be found. You're allowed to feel sad that it's over and a big mess now, but remember to be happy for the good it gave you then. Not all is bad, and you are not alone. I hope everyone, no matter who they are, remembers that.

You're allowed to feel sad about missing Wilbur, but remember that the person you are missing is who you thought he was, not really him. Wilbur Soot was a facade, and behind it was William Gold, who is a horrible person. This isn't about him, though. It is about Shelby and everyone else that he hurt and manipulated. To all of his ex-friends and family. He won't truly apologize for what he did, but I'm sorry he did it. I'm sorry for supporting a liar, I hope to never make that mistake again, but you can never know anymore who's real. I'm sorry that I still hear his songs in my head, I wish I could hear something else.

I still don't really know what to do with myself, and that's okay. I need to remember that one day I will. This isn't the end, and this is ultimately an enlightenment. I'd rather know about it than not, even if it makes me feel gross. This is only the end for Wilbur, which makes me glad. It's also a new beginning for everyone he hurt. It doesn't feel okay now, but recovery doesn't start off good, nor is it linear. It may not be okay right now, and it will never always be okay, but it will be okay again one day. I'm not ready to let go yet, but I will anyway, because that's the first step to learning to be okay. I'm sorry to Shubble, and everyone he lied to, including his fans. None of them deserved that. The people that he built his career off of didn't deserve that.

I don't know how to end this. I don't know how I started this. I just need to put this somewhere, or I'm going to lose my mind. I know logically I shouldn't've been this attached to him, but that doesn't change the fact that I was and that it hurts. I don't know how to feel. I don't know what to do. All I know is fuck Wilbur and support Shelby and his other victims.

I hope you can have a good day/night despite all of this, but if not, that's okay. Remind yourself that you will have good days again. Just have to wait for them.

[jessidogg]

I'm sorry to say this, but your plead to leave Justin alone just perpetuates white male privilege.

1. He criticized Britney Spears, his ex, for her drinking problems when she was a) being forced to perform to be able to see her children, b) forced to get an IUD, c) being financially abused and defamated by her father and ex, and d) recovering from the mental and emotional trauma of being exploited as a child star. This is one of the main reasons he's being so heavily criticized now. It was not only hypocritical, he ended up doing something worse because Britney never drank and drove

2. OF COURSE the cops say he was perfectly polite. He's a rich white man. He had no reason to fear for his life, the cops probably weren't aggressive towards him at all. He also knew he'd be easily bailed out

3. It is EXTREMELY out of touch to attempt to brush what he did under the rug. My uncle was killed by a drunk driver and it left my aunt and cousins devastated and in a really bad way after his death. Drunk drivers have ruined lives for purely selfish reasons. Just because he voiced your favorite animated troll doesn't diminish that

4. He's a grown ass man. He doesn't need you coming to his aid. People are allowed to be mad at him for his reckless and careless behavior. All your PSA does is try to guilt people to stop criticizing him. That's shitty

Hello! I have read all three of your asks and I totally understand where you're coming from! I'm so sorry that your uncle was killed, that is really depressing and sad and I'm praying for your family still💕

One, I'd like to say that no, JT does not need me to come to his aid. I'm VOLUNTEERING to bc I like him. I don't need his permission to tell people to forgive him, that's stupid. It's totally alright to stand up for people, just bc he is an adult does not mean that I cannot stand up for someone.

Two, you are so right! Driving while drunk is a stupid thing to do, and like I said, I am very frustrated he did such a thing. Justin has done tons of things he regrets from his drinking problems, and I wish he would just stop. But addictions are hard to stop (I totally understand that bc I have been thru multiple myself) but I wish he would just try a bit harder.

But I am not brushing what he did "under the rug". I'm sure that I won't persuade you, and that's fine, but I was only saying that we shouldn't take advantage of this to hate him even more.

I am sick of people going "haha, he's a loser" as if just because he is a celebrity that gives him more reason not to sin. I am saying that him driving drunk is just as bad as anyone else driving drunk, and that being drunk in general is terrible but that also shouldn't be the reason we hate him.

Justin Timberlake would never hurt someone on purpose. We all know that. The fact that he could have hurt someone is terrifying, but it's reality and I realize that. The point is, he made a mistake, and mistake does not mean an "oopsie" in this case, it means a "he knew what he was doing and it was a terrible idea".

In my other post I did not phrase it very well, and I'm sorry about that. What I meant was, Justin did something wrong. I am a strong Christian, and I believe that every sin is just as bad as any other. The difference is, some can cause way worse consequences. Driving while drunk is way more dangerous than maybe lying to your parents. But my God tells me that one is not worse than the other.

Even for those not being a Christian, I think everyone should know that there should not be worse sins, and "okay" ones. Everyone deserves a chance. You should forgive everyone 70 times 7. Then do it all over again.

If a liar told a nasty lie about you and didn't apologize and kept going, but a murderer turned himself in and repented and stopped, would you still say the murderer is the worst person?

The fact that Justin won't try harder annoys me. But we should never put even more hate on him just because he's well-known. He is a human. He is just as bad at stuff as other people are.

Also, Justin Timberlake is a nice guy. The fact that he knew he was going to get released wasn't why he was nice, and being white and rich should have NOTHING to do with what the police say (I find it extremely weird for u to use that description). Justin has been known for being a sweet kind guy and he loves his fans, friends, and family. He has been seen in the middle of a concert stopping everything to make sure a fan who seemed in need of help was alright by ordering security over and asking if they're good. He does tons of stuff around his town just to help out. DudePerfect, one of the most popular trick shot YouTubers, are strong Christians and said that one of their favorite memories was playing golf with Justin Timberlake. There would be no reason for them to lie about that.

Justin should not have criticized Britney Spears about that. That is very confusing why he would, and maybe he was just trying to get her not to go the direction he did a few times, but idk, it is just really stupid. But again, humans in general are stupid. I bet u can name a bazillion times u criticized someone about doing something that you have done or ended up doing yourself.

NOT HIDING IT UNDER THE RUG OR SAYING IT'S RIGHT BECAUSE IT'S NOT, JUST SAYING THAT WE ALL DO THAT KIND OF STUFF

Gosh, I know I'm probably no getting my point across, here lemme try to say this in an easier way. Erm... Justin Timberlake is human. Humans sin. Okay. Sinning is not good at all. We all do it, however, intentionally, from lying to murdering. Big or small consequences can come from any of them. DWI is terrible. I hate when I hear about anyone doing that. You have a right to be angry, I am angry at Justin. But I hate how the already Justin haters are taking advantage of every thing he does and making him seem worse than he is. You can hate him, whatever, but you can't stand beside him everywhere he goes, paper and pen, and mark down his every sin, calling him "even worse than before" with every count. Being drunk is bad!!! Driving while drunk is bad!!! But we should feel sorry for him that he doesn't seem to be able to find an outlet in something else. And we shouldn't hold up his every action, dangerous or not, against him. If we all counted everyone's sins, we would all add up to the same amount of terrible that Justin Timberlake is. We are all dumb humans. We shouldn't hold up everything against each other. We don't know the whole story of anything. All we know is that he was driving drunk. He was probably stressed, trying to have a good time, other stuff. This doesn't make it right. But it should cause us to be more cautious about the situation. Most of the people who bully have things going on at home that is causing them to let out their anger on others. Not saying that's right, but we shouldn't call them "bad people" and basically say "he did this so we're more better than them." That may not be how you think of it, but it's what you're saying.

I really hope I am not making people feel guilty, that is the last thing I want. I just want people to understand my view. If I made anyone feel guilty or it seemed that way, I apologize, that's not how I meant it at all. I just didn't agree with stuff, and I wanted to say what I thought, just how you just sent me what you thought.

Hope I said this right. I may not have because I am bad at explaining things through type. I'm sorry if I offended anyone, I love you all and mean nothing rude. 💕💕❤❤💕💕❤❤💕💕

-Jessi

[kenobster]

Mostly to save myself some space on a post later, I'm gonna be anecdotal for a second and talk about my complicated feelings about Fox whump.

For context, I've actually enjoyed Fox whump on occasion. Recently, I even wrote a tiny bit of it. While I have not delved much into Fox fan creations (other than the fic This, too, was a gift, and my enjoyment this incredible fanart), I have, for a long time, been observing Fox fans & Fox spaces and noticing certain trends in the Fox & Corrie Guard fandom. Although Fox has about two minutes of screentime for the entirety of TCW (and never removes his helmet IIRC), fandom has expanded upon his character with an enormous amount of headcanon. To keep us all on the same page, I'd like to establish a baseline of my understanding of his character. For starters, people seem to characterize Fox as a good person but also (endearingly) a total trainwreck. He's someone who has made mistakes and done some not-so-great things, who huffs and haws and gripes and groans, but who eventually decides to do the right thing. Generally, Fox fans seem to agree that Palpatine is manipulative and abusive of him and the Corrie Guard, but they do tend to fall shy of acknowledging that Anakin was one of Palpatine's primary victims. In fact, despite the amount of attention Fox fans seem to devote to Obi-Wan (and Codywan as a ship), their headcanons leave Anakin mysteriously absent. At worst, the Fox fandom seems notoriously biased against Anakin and has characterized him in ways much worse than pre-O66 material actually shows him to be.

Normally, this kind of headcanoning wouldn't be an issue to me. As a writer of trashy noncon, I support the stance that every fan should be allowed to create, headcanon, and play as they wish in their fictional sandbox. In the case of Fox fanon, however, I have misgivings. These headcanons, characterizations, and portrayals of whump tend to usurp everything about Anakin's storyline and fill it with Fox instead. For a classic example, see this post's idea to put Fox in a situation practically identical to popular Darth Vader/Anakin fanlore. For another example, see this poll where Fox outscores everyone by a landslide on the matter of who deserves to kill Palpatine the most, a poll upon which Anakin doesn't even make the list. Additionally, see this popular post listing the top three characters who deserve to kill Palpatine, upon which Fox ranks No. 2 and Anakin isn't featured at all. That's Fox, a character with two minutes of screentime (much of which was spent killing Fives), versus Anakin, the protagonist of the PT and the character who actually killed Palpatine. Though only tangentially related, I've also seen fanart that paired a member of the Corrie Guard with Padme, Anakin's own wife! From where I'm standing, Fox and/or the Corrie Guard seems very much like a convenient substitute for the gaps made by tearing Anakin out of his own narrative.

In this sense, the existence of Fox fanon & whump is completely baffling to me. The PT and the OT (the most canonical of canon!) have already provided the exact character that Fox fans seem to crave. Anakin was the victim who was groomed, manipulated, and abused by Palpatine before and after Order 66. Anakin is the good person who made a terrible mistake, the one who huffs and haws and gripes and groans but does the right thing in the end. Anakin is a gift to those exact interests, and what did the Fox fandom do? They denied this gift so fiercely that they had to invent their own fanonical blorbo to take Anakin's place.

Time and time again, I've wondered what could possibly explain this. So far, my developing hypothesis does not bode well. Outside of fandom, society as a whole is currently cycling through another unmerciful and intolerant phase (i.e. cancel culture, purity culture, censorship, etc). It's true that people must face the consequences of their actions and that justice is incredibly important—but there's a fine line between justice and revenge, and an even finer line between preventative and punitive justice. Even the scummiest scum of the earth deserve to be treated humanely. For those who live in the United States, there's a reason the Bill of Rights contains the Eighth Amendment—the government's duty to protect its citizen from cruel and unusual punishment. The idea that it's morally acceptable to treat "evil people" (i.e. murderers, rapists, etc.) like dogshit while they are locked up and/or prevented from doing further harm is one core flavor of the the newest brand of purity culture, but this time it's being weaponized by extremists on the radical left.

Coupled with societal distate toward any villain perceived to be appealing to a young female audience (you know which villains I mean), this new brand of purity culture has invaded fandom spaces as well. In countless narratives, authors are denied or criticized for giving fictional villains redemption arcs. In countless posts, fans are denied or criticized for feeling sympathy toward the ways in which villains can be victims. In Star Wars specifically, a large portion of fandom refuses to acknowledge Anakin's suffering. They label him as evil from birth and/or puberty, and they feel little-to-no compassion for the ways in which he was abused and traumatized (see this post for further description of this subject). Some of fandom even demonizes people like me for not sharing their viewpoints.

It makes sense that people who have been swayed by this new wave of puritanical propaganda will attempt to nullify any morbid fascination they feel toward Palpatine's abuse of Anakin/Vader. Showing sympathy toward a child-killer could easily result in an uncomfortable level of cognitive dissonance, after all. Thus, my hypothesis is that fandom created a new blorbo to cope with their guilt-ridden interest in Anakin. They created a palatable blorbo. A blorbo who shares the same general vibes but has committed less atrocities and is, therefore, still "redeemable." A blorbo who, by virtue of being a fanon creation, is inaccessible to the misogynist disgust society holds toward well-known villains. In other words, I believe that Fox fanon sprung from people's inability to face their sympathy for Anakin—or rather their inability to face the fact that there is no simple answer to the overlap between villainy and victimhood. And now, because of that, we have Fox whump. We have Fox fans who are convinced that a character who shares many similar attributes was evil from birth and/or puberty.

Whether my hypothesis is true or false, I am well aware that there is nothing I can do about the existence of Fox fanon now. I have little interest in ridding the world of Fox fanon anyway... In actuality, I hope with all of my soul that my hypothesis is false. Why? Because if my hypothesis is true, then that's a problem. And it hasn't gone away. And it isn't going away. Regardless of whether we individually like Fox or not, I think it's incredibly important that we collectively reflect on this.

[ateez-himari]

Behind The Track ... Shadow ♪

🔓 Unlocked

‥ The track reflects a conflict happening within Himari's mind which grows along with her fame, showcasing that every piece of light has its dark counterpart that grows stronger the more it is pushed away.

‥ She has been rather open recently about mental challenges she has faced since the group's debut and putting those negative periods into songs is - in her opinion - a way to fight her internal battles. In this case being able to write about her 'shadow' is a way of unlocking a piece of herself which still needs healing, letting out the raging emotions out in a non-harmful way and allowing her to deal with it on her own terms.

‥ Despite being a vocalist she chose to rely heavily on rap throughout the song, using vocals solely for the chorus, as she felt it conveyed the distress behind the lyrics more accurately. Rapping is usually seen as something angry and aggressive, making it the ideal choice to express the raging emotions contained in the verses while vocals are viewed as more vulnerable which is why it is used in the chorus - which is no longer confrontational but desperate.

‥ When the members listened to the rough version there was a moment of silence after the song ended as they tried to process everything they had just learned about the maknae's struggles. Yoongi having gone through very similar experiences had to step out of the studio in order to calm his thoughts as seeing so much of himself in his younger sister scared him, mainly because he did not want the cycle to repeat itself with her.

‥ This track had been in the works for a while yet she chose to completely wipe the old lyrics as they had been created during a time where she still had a hard time accepting the more negative parts of herself - her shadow - and she wanted the story to show the full extent of her conflict's growth, not bring back the version of herself in its deepest state of fatigue.

📂 Notebook

‥ 'Shadow' This represents every negative part of herself that she wishes to push away, every hurtful memory, her deepest regrets and even things such as emotional or physical pain. It also embodies anger, grudges, greed, resentment, etc.

‥ 'I wanna be...' These desires for greatness not only demonstrate the dreamy mindset of wanting to have it all but also the desperation to be good enough, to not let the hopes of those who believe in her be in vain. With the industry's constant push for perfection she developed a fear of failure, beginning to have trouble admitting when something she did was the best that could have possibly been done within her abilities.

‥ 'I wondered everyday how far I'd go. I came to my senses and I find myself here' After leaving JYPE in favor of KQ her future became uncertain due to the amount of elimination risks that came with the survival show, instilling doubt in her mind every day about how long she could hold on to her spot. During that time she drowned herself in training - including learning new skills such as production and rap - which made every day that passed almost unnoticed so when she finally took a breath after being chosen, only then did she realize she had succeeded.

‥ 'Yeah, hmm, shadow at my feet. Look down, it's gotten even bigger. I run but the shadow follows, as dark as the light's intense' The fact that the shadow stands at her feet symbolizes the fact that she has kept it below her all this time, ignoring its very existence in hopes that the light - ATEEZ's success - would dissipate it. However once she truly pays attention to it, it has grown much bigger than anticipated and no matter how much she attempts to ignore it once more she realizes that there is no escaping what has been created by her own mind. 'As dark as the light's intense' refers to the fact that the group's success only strengthens that shadow due to more stress factors, more eyes on her, more grueling physical efforts, etc.

‥ 'I can leap in the air but also plunge, now I know.' Due to coming from a small company there was not much lower for the group to go hence she believed that the only thing they could so was rise yet as they did so, people began attempting to drag her down - making the manager wonder if keeping her was truly a good choice - and that was when she realized that despite the success they had achieved they also had a risk of all of that falling apart.

‥ 'Running away could be an option too, pause' A few months after debut she began getting a large amount of hate and realized that it was affecting the group's popularity growth, leading to her making the decision to leave. The 'pause' signifies the night her bandmates found out, during which they sat the girl down and did whatever they could to alter her choice.

‥ 'People say, there's splendor in that bright light. But my growing shadow swallows me and becomes a monster' The 'bright light' refers to fame which is something that most people find to be a wonderful thing and just as light creates shadows, fame creates negativity. The group was made to work harder the more successful they became which led to her sustaining multiple injuries from extensive practices or even performances during which she suffered from deep fatigue - essentially 'swallowing' her. Monsters are terrifying and seemingly unbeatable, which is how she felt going through her depressive episode.

‥ 'I rise, rise, I hate it.' ATEEZ saw a rapid ascent to popularity which still carries on to this day and although she is proud of this achievement, she claims to hate it in order to illustrate the heavy burdens that come with it.

‥ 'I pray, I pray, hoping to be okay' It has been stated before that she does not follow a religion - despite having a few spiritual beliefs - so the fact that there is willingness to pray to something she does not believe in shows the extent of her desperation. It felt so much as though she was running out of options that the only thing she could do was hope some higher power would be willing to help her.

‥ 'Please don't let me shine. Don't let me down, don't let me fly. Now I'm afraid' The words have nothing to do with one another, symbolizing the fact that in such a terrified and desperate state there are so many things running through her head that all she can do is beg desperately to be protected from what she is afraid of.

‥ 'The moment I face myself brought lowest. It so happens that I'm flying the highest.' The Fireworks era was the lowest point in her mental health following increased demands for her to be removed from the group as well as several personal side factors and it was a time during which her body was experiencing increased fatigue. At this time however ATEEZ was at a high point, filming the show 'Kingdom: Legendary War' and 'Stressor Things' all the while promoting their new album. A similar circumstance happened during the Guerilla era, during which people claimed she needed to train harder in order to reach the members' level of power - leading to severe impacts on her body including the inability to stand after the song was over.

‥ 'Try smiling, what are you hesitating for? Wasn't this the kind of thing you were hoping for? Or cry instead, what are you scared of? Wasn't this the kind of thing you'd been wanting?' Pushing herself to smile mainly refers to the fact that in front of cameras she refused to show her fatigue, going by most days believing that tomorrow everything would go back to normal - that these feelings eating away at her were temporary. Crying was also complicated around the members due to her refusal to burden them with whatever was happening in her mind - somewhat afraid that their reactions would be negative. Questioning herself about the fact that it was what she wanted is a form of self-criticism in which she is trying to find reasons around the shadow's existence, removing any validity the conflict in her mind has.

‥ 'All the things you wanted, you've got it all. So what's the problem? Just enjoy it. Or just let it go, no? Then run, or stop. Don't whine, just choose one or the other' A lot of the time Himari became conflicted with her own feelings, not understanding why there were times she seemed tired of her career as it was what many people dreamed of and it was what she sacrificed so much for. When tired thoughts made their way into her mind, she would scold herself with the same lines she had heard from 'fans'; 'How can you be depressed when you have everything ?'.

‥ 'That at times, your rest becomes your fall. Do you finally get it? That giving it your best effort every time is what it means to do your best' Having very high expectations for herself she would not rest until she got the choreography down to perfection, however over time - thanks to a lot of help from the members - she realized that sometimes there were things her body was not able to do or handle so simply doing things to the best of her abilities was enough.

‥ [Distortion following the second bridge] The sudden switch is a humanization of the shadow's voice, turning the song into a conversation between it and her consciousness rather than a monologue.

‥ 'Yeah I'm you, you are me, now do you know. Yeah you are me, I'm you, now you do know' The shadow is attempting to rationalize with her more conscious self in order to make her realize that the mind will only become more conflicted the longer the two parts stay as two separate entities. 'Now do you know' is an aggressive, somewhat arrogantly phrased question to show that while Himari attempted to build a new self comprised of nothing but light, the shadow always knew that both could not exist without one another.

‥ 'We are one body, sometimes we will clash. You can never break me off, this you must know' Both sides of her persona essentially share the same source, the same mind, which means there is never truly an escape from either and confusion in her own mind is inevitable, even so, no side can be destroyed. 'This you must know' conveys the urgency behind the need for reconciliation between the two parts for the sake of the healing of her mental health.

‥ 'Yeah you'll be at ease if you admit it too. Yeah succeed or fail, whichever way you flow. Yeah you can't escape, wherever you go' Once again these lines are from the shadow's point of view helping her realize that the darker parts of herself will always be here no matter what, inciting her to comes to terms with this fact in order to heal. In this she is essentially attempting to make her conscious self realize that recognizing she's hurt is the first step to getting better.

‥ 'We are you, we are me, this do you know' The final lyric being from her shadow counterpart symbolizes that the conflict has been put to rest, using the word 'we' to refer to both parts as one hence symbolizing the new coexistence between the pained and healing sides of herself.

[ananke-xiii]

Cas needs a win (or some PTOs really)

In "The Future" there's a really interesting line that I've overlooked in the past but that's actually pretty telling. Cas tells Dean the following:

"And I just wanted... I needed to come back here with a win for you. For myself".

The "for myself" is quite an important addition because I think that Cas has a tendency to hide his own personal desires, needs and ambitions behind Dean and the importance he places on his relationship with him ( famous examples such as "I'm doing this for you, Dean. I'm doing this because of you", "I gave everything for you. And this is what you give to me.", "I cared about the whole world because of you" come to mind).

Now of course in and of itself this is definitely not a negative thing, quite the opposite since Dean has indeed been a key factor in Cas' internal and external upheaval. What I'm trying to say is that this is the most obvious excuse for doing/wanting certain things and it allows Cas to get sort of a free pass instead of explicitly owning his wants and needs. By the way, Cas is not shifting the weight of what he thinks are his responsibilities intentionally on Dean, but I think he sort of lies to himself and uses the "I'm doing this for X reason but certainly not for myself" card as a coping mechanism against his complicated relationship with power and, more importantly, with powerlessness.

So when he says that he needs a win for Dean and then honestly adds that he needs the win for himself too, Cas is actually showing growth and vulnerability. Of course, this is something that Cas can only share with Dean and Dean only. When Kelvin praises him for his betrayal ("Committing to Joshua's plan, putting angelkind above the Winchesters. I mean, your reputation in Heaven is –") Cas is super quick to add that he's NOT doing it for his reputation but he's doing it for the Winchesters. Which is 100% true but what Cas is obviously omitting here is that he's doing it because he needs a win. And he needs it badly. But why?

I'm gonna come out here and say it: I don't see Cas as a strategist. Like not at all. And if he is, I think he's a very, very bad one. Here, I've said it. I think Cas is on the exact opposite end of what constitutes a good strategist because he's a reckless son of a bitch. He's exactly what strategists prepare for: he's the unpredictable, the wild card that can turn the fate of a battle in a matter of seconds and the good thing about that is exactly that you don't know what he'll do. He doesn't even know what he'll do. As a matter of fact I've alwasy found funny when in "The End" Cas calls 2014!Dean's plan "insouciant" or "reckless". Because these are the exact same adjectives I'd use to descrive Cas' plans or Cas in general for that matter.

Having said that, war is in Cas' DNA or whatever, in his grace perhaps. Therefore Cas is a wavelength of celestial intent that thrives on winning battles and fighting enemies. But there's also a streak of ambition and hubris in Cas in that he's the BAMF that goes against archangels, tries to find God by himself and doesn't shy away from The Darkness herself. One might say he has delusions of grandeur or perhaps he's a badass with a death wish.

I'd say all of the above. Because, to me, one of Cas' defining traits is that he keeps trying. He's always ready to raise the stakes and, regardless of what he says, he does have an inner confidence in himself, a secret voice that tells him that he can win. Perhaps, this is what makes him so charming to people, his aura of badass, tormented self-assurance.

In s12 Cas' confidence has taken a real blow, he's scraping the bottom of the barrel. Reasoning in terms of +1 win/-1 fail, the season opens with a fat, giant -1 for Cas since he wasn't able to keep Sam safe, aka he failed at the one thing Dean asked of him. He gets Dean back, though, so I'll count it as +1 for win. All in all, things seem to be okayish.

But they're not a-ah! Another -1 is on the horizon as we are reminded that Lucifer is still on the loose and Cas feels guilty over it and yada yada, the usual: I have to fix it because it's my responsibility. So far Cas's still not winning.

I gotta hand it to him, Cas showed real maturity when he admitted he could stall Lucifer for 3 minutes. Old Cas would've just gone in there guns a-blazing, no risk assessment and wing it. I'll give him a +1 for personal win. However, they don't catch Lucifer and everyone, and I mean everyone, disagrees with Dean when he calls their little fight a win("Well, we didn't catch Lucifer, but we did save the crowd, so I'm gonna call that a win). I agree with Dean but I'm the only one so I'm going to give a grand total of 0 because consensus wasn't reached.

Things escalate quickly from here on: -1 because Kelly escapes on Cas' watch, -1 because Dean and Sam get kidnapped and Cas can't find them, -1 because he can't even solve a vamp case, +1 because no Winchester dies but also - a fuckton of cosmic consequences as he kills Billie.

So to sum it up: Cas's still NOT winning. Like, at all.

We could hardly call "Lily Sunder has Some Regrets" a win. The episode ends on a hopeful note but Cas is totally pretending and performing for Dean's sake ("Let's drink, and hope we can find a better way" is such a glaring "he wouldn't fucking say that" for Cas that, to me, it's clear that he's just putting up a front for the brothers' benefit).

Things go from bad to worse in "Stuck in the Middle with You" which opens with a bleeding Cas who can't even walk properly and he's assisted by Mary while we hear this song in the background:

So come on baby walk with a winner

come on girl, walk with a winner

hey girl come on, swing along with me, there' so much to see

great big world for you and me

I love some good irony. All the more so since we know this time Cas is undoubtedly close to dying for realsies.

Cas dying: let's talk about it. I think it really stung for Cas that he was about to die at the hands of Ramiel, skewered like a fish by the lance of Michael (of all angels!), suffering horribly and possibly forced to watch his family get killed in front of his eyes while he can't do nothing but keep decaying and dying. Love confession aside for a moment, this was a low blow in all its possible meanings for poor Castiel. I think that even though he made it out that barn alive something inside of him was really hurt and broken by the modality of the events as they unfolded. He, an angel who had fought archangels and won, who just managed to confront Lucifer, was harpooned like a whale by a Prince of Hell and forced to die in a way that totally incapacitated his ability to protect his family (he couldn't even self-sacrifice, Cas' favorite dish, cause he was already SO done for). He hit rock bottom in terms of powerlessness.

So when in "Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell" along comes Kelvin I think what truly seduces Cas is not the promise to reunite with and be forgiven by his own family but the promise of power: "I don't. Look, I know you're working with the Winchesters. Sam and Dean -- their hearts are in the right place, but wouldn't it be better to have us waiting in the proverbial wings? All the power of Heaven behind you?". I think Cas really wants that power, he needs it because he needs a win.

Under this light, fetus!Jack lending Cas his power to kill another Prince of Hell in lieu of the one who almost got him killed is something way more interesting than the usual "he got brainwashed for the nth time". Yes, true, however, Cas saying " I've been so lost. I'm not lost anymore. And I know now that this child must be born with all of his power."is so much more revealing of his character if we consider that Cas finally got his win (he's not lost anymore) thanks to a borrowed power (he had Jack's power behind him, in the proverbial wings as Kelvin would say), borrowing power from other angels/souls being a thing that Cas does quite frequently on Supernatural, lol.

Cas gains his confidence back to the point that he's back to being reckless and insoucinat with it. While at the beginning of the season he was smart enough to be real and say he could only stall Lucifer for 3 minutes, now that he's got his big win he's so engrossed with it that he stupidly goes to Apocalypse World armed with a stupid angel blade thinking he can take Lucifer.

Cas needed a win, sure, but what he truly, truly needed were some fucking PTOs from constantly being on the battlefield. Because, at the end of the day, he sort of got his win but he also eventually got himself dead so what was the point?

I know that, on the surface, this view might seem to cast a bit of a dark shadow on Cas' personality but I find him so much more interesting when he's not portrayed as a puppy cute little doggie doing things just because he loves Dean. Of course he does, lol, but he's so much more than that and a lot of his character has clearly to do with power and how it corrupts and entices people or, well, beings in general, that I think it's worth exploring.

[circumlocutive]

I'm so sorry about this situation. If he was lying, that def shows he felt guilty about it and knew it'd hurt you. That by itself is a big no.

Though I do want to ask a question and I'm not trying to justify the behavior, especially the lying, and only you can know your own boundaries and what you've discussed explicitly with your partner.

But - if he didn't meet up with them in the end, is this significantly different than you posting horny images and encouraging horny messages, etc. on tumblr in terms of behavior? It doesn't sound like he was getting emotionally involved with anyone, just used grindr rather than tumblr to get the same thrill of sharing pics.

It sounds like you both wanted the validation of feeling sexy and getting off on being seen. Maybe it helps to make you feel less awful to think it was the same thrill he was getting? Just using grindr rather than tumblr.

IIRC he knew about your tumblr though so that's obviously very different. AND for you afaik it was just one sided, you weren't getting pics of other people. And ofc if you've caught him in one lie, it's hard to trust he's not lying about anything else.

Anyway again I don't say this to defend anything :( and I'm sorry this seems like it really sucks.

You bring up good points. He knew and was invited to participate in all my Tumblr stuff. He also explicitly didn't care about it, doesn't feel bothered by non exclusivity, doesn't feel need to place a boundary on it. But he knows it's different for me, it was a large part of our discussions in the spring, and at the time I was like hey, if this is a deal breaker and you need to be fully open no strings no control whatever, I can't do that. If you want to stay, I need you to be monogamously committed. It's ok we can amicably part of this is not what you want. And he told me that he wanted us more and it made more sense for where our relationship was. And with the apps while I was on the other coast, he chose to keep me out. I'd told him I wouldn't resent him for having desires or feelings, but I would for not sharing with me when he was tempted to act. By lying about what he was willing to do, he took my agency away, my ability to walk away from a situation I knew would only hurt me more.

What's worse to me is when I found out, I asked him hey are you sure there's nothing I need to know about? Something you've been hiding? And he said no over and over and kept acting like I was crazy.

Also yes i wasn't sexting with people (displaying myself where he could see me yes, publishing horny asks if I got them where he could see them yes, soliciting pics in return no, contacting old nearby hookups no).

I do understand impulse, I do understand validation seeking (though God I wish he wanted it from me, like I crave it from him and substitute with public anons), I do understand selfish or short sighted behavior. But I was contrite and owned my cheating in my prior relationship, and idk. That means something to me. To have the wrong doing denied, and the way he sought to pick at where I was wrong before apologizing... He got there but it felt too late

And then there's more context, like a history of financial dependence and violating my boundaries around money (promising specific rules of frugality in exchange for a large interest free loan, getting mad at me after the fact when I was displeased by violating terms I bothered to write out; not seriously endeavoring to save an emergency fund and allowing major $500+ expenses to fall on me whether I liked it or not bc it was either pay it or let him drown) or with drugs (taking weed and alcohol without asking, that is freely given if he asked; hiding ketamine use after I expressed concerns about him prioritizing it over finances etc).

And indifference or resentment in response to my pleas for intimacy, wanting the idea of others more than he wants the reality of me offering head or sex, cringing away from my attempts to be intimate if I initiate, generally being selfish in bed and uninterested in trying for my benefit.

Idk where I'm going with this. I'm not perfect either but I am surely feeling betrayed

[butterflyintochains]

Getting The Talk

Just a little TangerKarlsson thing, set roughly after 'Those Small Details' and 'Finding Out'. The team are incredibly protective over Tanger after all he's been through, so, upon learning of this supposed long term relationship he's been in. There is a step Erik must be put through before everyone moves forward.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erik is confused as hell right now, to put it lightly. He has no idea what Sid wanted him down at Cranberry for a day after the season ended. Things didn't go entirely to plan, but Erik has Kris, and that's all that matters. Kris, however, is probably in bed still, sleeping peacefully without him. Kris did briefly laugh and wish him luck when the text came, though. Still, Erik wanted to sleep in with his partner this morning, not have to drive down to the training rink for no good reason. He parks, huffs out an irritated breath, and heads inside. He first heads to the team's now cleared out dressing room. Dreading whatever is inside, he opens the doors, and enters the room, seeing basically half the team sitting at their stalls. ''Hi, guys, what can I do for you today?'' He asks happily.

Sid seems to be in business mode today, because all he says is. ''Take a seat, Erik.'' Oh, first names, this is serious. Erik could inquire further, but thinks better of it, and sits down at his stall. ''Okay, I'm sat, can I know why I've been pulled out of a warm bed at nine in the morning?''

Geno bluntly asks him. ''When did all this with Kris start?'' Okay... what the hell? Erik simply says. ''I've told you, Geno, the 2011 All Star Game, we agreed to be exclusive the following year. Why? Why is this important?''

Rusty asks, arms crossed over his chest. ''What about after our 2017 cup run? He was miserable, for a long time, too. What was that about?'' Ah, yes, his biggest sin in life, the 2017 fuck up of the millennium. ''I'm not proud of it, Rusty. I was angry we lost, took it out on the man I love, and we broke up. I hate myself for it still, I was a fucking idiot for it.''

PO, all but a son to them in spirit, asks. ''When did you two get back together, then?''

Erik allows himself a small smile, nostalgia for that night flooding in. ''Funny enough, the 2019 All Star game in San Jose. I guess the love was too strong, and we just... agreed to give things another go.'' Sid suddenly sits up straighter, looking thunderstruck. ''Wait, 2019? I was there! And, I found out about you two in january this year! How the hell did that slip by me?''

Erik chuckles, risking a jab at his new captain and brother-in-law. ''That's not our fault, Sid. We literally kissed in the bar that night, you were too busy talking to Flower and Nate to notice.'' Jeff asks, humoured by Sid's obliviousness. ''How did Flower know about you two so early?''

Geno remarks, examining his nails. ''Flower knows everything, Carts.'' That much is true, he is a goalie after all, and Kris' confidant. He's surprised Flower isn't here to grill him as well. Tristan pipes up, asking him. ''How serious is this thing between you and Kris?'' Erik furrows his brows. ''Tristan, we live together, we've been together longer than you've been in the NHL.''

Sid asks the big question, looking Erik in the eyes. ''What are your intentions towards Kris? Do you love him?''

Erik states, because this is as much a fact as grass being green. ''I love Kris more than anything in this world. I intend to make him happy, to support him, to stand by his side forever. I don't entirely know if I deserve him, but I love Kris. And, he loves me.'' Geno asks further. ''Would you ever hurt him again like you did back then?''

Erik shakes his head. ''No, I'd rather die than hurt him, Geno. I pushed him away once, I'm never doing that again.''

Sid nods. ''Good, he means the world to us, Erik. If anything happens to him, this entire thing falls apart. He's my brother, and I'll see no harm come to him.''

Erik swallows, throat dry from talking. ''He means the world to me too, Sid. Like I say, I'd rather die than do anything to hurt him.'' Finally, Marcus speaks up, asking. ''Has anyone ever tried to pull you away from him?''

Erik nods, that's not been exactly fun to navigate the last decade and a bit. ''Yeah, lots of people in this league. They tried, all of them failed. I'm his, he's mine, end of story.''

Sid remarks, chuckling a bit. ''Kris used to deal with that too, used to piss him off. He'd complain about being flirted with, always said he was taken, I never once thought he was taken by you.'' Well, who wouldn't flirt with Kris? Good to know most hockey players are switched on at least. ''That doesn't surprise me. I mean, look at him, y'know?''

A french-canadian voice from the doorway chimes in. ''Likewise, mon amour.'' The entire room looks to Kris, leaning against the doorway, hand on his hip, a massive smile on his face. Kris strides in, and sits at his stall next to Erik. It's only now that everyone can feel how powerful they are together, how deep this love runs. ''How did this all come to be, Kris?'' Rusty asks.

Kris shrugs, running his index finger down his nose. ''We were in practice, saw each other across the ice, and the rest is history.'' Erik laughs, nudging Kris on the shoulder. ''Then, this idiot does fastest skater backwards to impress me.''

Kris jokes, a very slight flush rising on his cheeks. ''You liked it, don't lie to me. Made Keith look stupid, I still won.''

Jeff asks them both. ''I still don't get it, why keep this a secret for so long?''

Kris says, indicating to Sid and Geno. ''They are why. We saw the media attention that Sid and Geno get, how public it all was, and we wanted none of that. We wanted to be Kris and Erik: the men. Not Letang and Karlsson: the players.''

Erik adds. ''That's what we still want, really, I'd have hated to live this last decade in a fishbowl.''

Geno nods, and agrees with them. ''The media hasn't been fun, that's for sure. I love you, Sid, but the press are dumb.'' Sid nods, they've got a point there. ''Yeah, I feel that too, G.''

Marcus asks Kris. ''How long had you been standing there?'' Kris says, grinning. ''Long enough. Kinda funny hearing you guys try to be intimidating, to be honest.''

Sid looks incredulous at the notion he isn't as intimidating as he'd like to be. ''What? You think I'm not intimidating enough?'' Kris cocks an eyebrow at his brother. ''Sid, last I looked, I lead us in penalty minutes this year.'' Everyone bursts out laughing.

Kris addresses the room as a whole. ''Look, boys, I know you love me. But, Erik and I are very happy together, we've been through a lot, long distance included. We're okay, we're settled, we're excited for what's to come.''

Geno asks, smiling when Erik takes Kris' hand in his own, and Kris rests his head on Erik's shoulder. ''Are you sure?'' Erik nods, and says, body now completely relaxed. ''We're sure.'' Sid looks at his best friend, usually so stoic, his body soft with comfort. They do fit together so well, and look so content together. ''Do you speak each other's languages?'' Sid asks, his Russian leaves a lot to be desired to be put lightly.

Erik nods. ''Yeah, I had Kris and Flower teach me french, I think I'm pretty good at it.''

Kris assures him. ''Your french is great, amour, trust me. Erik and Horny have taught me all the swedish I know.'' Erik says, lovingly praising him. ''You're the best student I've had, hjartat.''

Rusty asks, seeming a bit confused by that. ''Why? You two speak perfect english to each other.''

Kris simply states, lifting his head back up. ''That's what you do for the one you love, Rusty. Besides, we live between Montreal and Sweden in summer, so we need both.''

Geno asks Kris. ''So, that's why you and Horny stayed late after training all that time? He was teaching you swedish for Karl?'' Kris nods, smiling brightly. ''Wow.'' Geno says.

To make things even more surreal, Sully walks in, he must've known this meeting was happening today, because he just laughs. He's known the core for a decade now, and is deeply in tune with all their weird quirks. But, as if he's a father interrogating his child's significant other, he asks Erik and Kris. ''So, this is you two, then? I have two power couples to coach now?''

Kris nods, and says. ''Yeah, pretty much.'' Sully nods, and adds something to his phone. ''Good to know.'' He leaves after that.

After the little meeting is over, the assembled Penguins head to Kris and Erik's place for lunch together. They eat outside so as to enjoy the beautiful spring day. Kris is deep in conversation with Tristan, PO, Rusty, and Carts. Sid says to Erik. ''You know, grilling aside, I could not be happier for you two, you know? I've known Kris for so long, but I've never seen him more at peace.''

Erik smiles, and looks over to Kris again, they share a look. ''Thank you, Sid. It's not been easy for us, but here we are.'' Geno says, backing Sid up. ''You deserve each other, Karl.'' Erik nods, he doesn't say anything, just gives his concerned partner an assuring nod. They'll be okay, and now they know they've got the entire team behind them.

That night, Erik slumps down in bed next to Kris, and says. ''Y'know, that might just have been the weirdest day of my life since I got here.'' Kris laughs, plugging his phone in for the night, and taking one of his night time blood thinners. ''Wondered when that was coming, I was hoping for earlier in the year, but now was as good a time as any, I suppose.''

Erik shuts his bedside light off, and lies down, still pondering what the hell happened today. ''Was it like that when Sid and Geno got together?''

Kris lies down himself. ''Kinda, Mario took Geno aside for a talk, and Gonch did the same with Sid. It wasn't the whole team, though. All I remember was them both coming back looking exactly as you do now.''

Erik chuckles, wishing he was around for that, but it would've been before he was drafted if his math is correct. ''Good to know this is a family thing. Might get Hedman to give you the talk, actually.'' Kris laughs, and kisses Erik on the lips, running his fingers through Erik's growing hair. ''I look forward to that.''

They finally get to sleep together, one of the strangest days of their relationship finally over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just something short and sweet for this plot bunny that's been living in my head for a week or so now. With some slight references to some past events, and plenty of found family dynamics involved. My TangerKarlsson magnum opus will forever be 'Rival Captains In Love' but, i think this has been fun to write in a different way.

Anyway, enjoy!

necessary tag: @tylerpitlicktruther

[yanderes-galore]

Hi! Can I request Freddy Krueger from the original Nightmare on elm street? Maybe like a chase scenario in the reader’s dreams? Id also like to request from your recent prompts vol 1 #44: “your tongue is so sharp…wouldn’t it be a shame if I had to silence it?” (But only if it’s doable for you! ^^’)

I hope your day is going well! Much love and good wishes to you! ❤️

Yeah! Let's be honest, this version of Kruegar is one of the best ^^ Probably OOC, I am so sorry if it is.

Yandere! Freddy Krueger Prompt 44

"Your tongue is so sharp... wouldn't it be a shame if I had to silence it?"

Pairing: Romantic (Barely)

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Torture, Blood, Graphic descriptions, Removal of tongue, Insomnia, Wishes for death, Sadism, Mostly just for horror, Implied drug use.

It kept getting worse, you were never able to get a good night's sleep. Your dreams recently kept contorting into twisted realities of blood and steam. You always woke up, hyped on adrenaline before being more tired than before.

You blamed it on the recent murder cases within Springwood. The fear caused by the news must be affecting your dreams. It didn't help you always hallucinated due to the lack of sleep-

It felt like people whispered in your ear when no one was there. You even see silhouettes of a man with a bladed hand. It's just... sleep deprivation, that's all!

You tried to ignore it when said hallucinations talk to you...

The therapist you go to now keeps trying to give you sleep medication...

Yet you don't think it's safe to sleep.

In fact, the last time you tried to sleep, you were traumatized. The last time you slept you were sent to the boiler room again, met face to face with a man covered in burn scars. A sinister grin is on his face, bladed hand caressing your skin.

"I've been waiting for when you'd take a nap. Now the fun begins...!"

By the time you managed to wake yourself up, momentarily escaping his grasp, the damage was done. Your body was clawed... blood seeping into your clothes. These were not ordinary nightmares...

This was something supernatural.

From that point on, you refused to consider sleeping. You did whatever you could to fight such an urge. You abused whatever substance you could get your hands on....

In the end it was a futile effort, due to the mind shutting down during micro naps.

You were doomed since the moment he had his eyes on you.

"Finally gave in, did you? Thought you'd miss me~"

You could only run for so long. Even in a dream, it felt real enough to make you heave for breath due to your stamina. The boiler room was like a maze, trapping you in with a monster.

The end was inevitable. Like a cornered rabbit, you would find a dead end. Forced to accept your fate at the sharp hands of a killer.

One that seemed too real to be conjured from your mind.

"Is my little rabbit tired from running?"

You glare at him, looking for some other way of escape. Upon touching the boiler room's pipes, you yelp. Your hands are burned... was this even a dream?

"I'm not your rabbit..." You snarl. "I'd never be yours."

"What makes you so sure, (Y/N)?"

He knows your name....

"I'd never allow myself to be near anyone like you..." You seethe, anger from your lack of sleep soaking your words. "You've tortured me for the past few months... why would I roll over and comply to whatever you wish after that!?"

"If your life's on the line, it's surprising what you'd do."

The man in front of you spits back, looking irritated at your sudden rebellion... yet interested.

"My dear (Y/N)..."

You blink and the demon's right in front of you. You gasp, senses heightened due to your lack of sleep. He takes this to his advantage, holding your mouth open by your chin.

"Your tongue is so sharp... wouldn't it be a shame if I had to silence it?"

You struggle against him, still trying to fight back. You nearly gag when he reaches his hand into your mouth... pulling your tongue painfully tight into his view. You shake your head with your eyes wide in fear.

"Good, your fear is delightful. You're more obedient than you think.... Too bad it won't save your tongue."

He slowly drags his blades against the twitching muscle in his hand. You try to pull back, fighting him. Tears prick your eyes... which only fuels his sadistic desires.

"Oh, want to leave so soon? Fine then, have it your way, baby."

There's a sickening wet snap before you feel yourself fall to the floor. His blades are coated in your blood, a laugh leaving his lips at your condition. You barely registered what happened until blood pooled out of your mouth.

Something then slaps onto the ground, your shaking gaze shifting towards it.

Your tongue.

The madman removed your tongue as promised.

"Anymore complaints, (Y/N)?"

The demon watches you spit continuous blood onto the floor before lifting your chin up to look him in the eyes.

What did you do to deserve this?

You gurgle softly, unable to speak.

"Speak up, won't you?"

He leans back and laughs at your suffering before dragging you up to your feet.

"It's upsetting to not hear your screams... but at least you can't refuse what I have in store for you, baby...."

As if to mock you, he licks his lips. You're in too much shock to respond to his sadism. You only silently wonder if your suffering will end soon.

If you're lucky, maybe you'll bleed out...

Then you won't have to suffer through anymore of his desires.

[27petals]

Stretching SZN, an "almost there" Testimony...

I once said "tarot is not evil" and if you have been around, you may recall that I had a different type of "transparency session" to share when I said this. I have since learned that...perhaps it is.

Why? Because it is not of God.

I would *not* say that a person is inherently "evil" because they utilize tarot cards, HOWEVER, when you know better you do better. If you are Christian, you must leave those tools alone. The Word consistently says one should not even consult such mediums - but instead to Go STRAIGHT to GOD.

I wish I had known sooner... That I had chosen to pervert my gifts rather than to run to my Abba and ask Him to teach me how to execute them properly. I wish I could rewind and start by cultivating a sound mind and handling my most valued relationships with Him, rather than on my own. I had only thought I would meet Him in my dreams, when he would save me from a nightmare. I was not self-guided to a church or even a therapist. I'd thought I was going a bit crazy, but that I could handle it. I did not know how he would or could answer my questions and clear my mind - it was everywhere but on Him, so I ran where most of us tend to...the internet! BIG MISTAKE! >_<

God is not a fan of divination. Okay, this I knew. But not that I might be condemned - because in my mind, my heart was always pure! I wanted understanding, not to harm, curse or put spells on anyone. And of course, Jesus died for my sins! The truth is, you cannot be of the world AND of the Word simultaneously. Even more, you cannot be a God-fearing person who claims to love Jesus Christ AND a practitioner of pagan systems. For a time, I unwittingly practiced witchcraft despite claiming not to be a witch.

Please note that as I write through my testimony and prepare to express the details of my "stretching", I am in no way demonizing myself. I can attest to having learned much through this process and grasp that He knew what I would do before I did it. And while it may be disappointing as it may have set me back a bit, I'm STILL HERE for a reason or two. For one, here are other sisters and brothers out there who need to know that they can walk away from sin, in earnest repentance, and be born again, too.

When I leaned on my own understanding - before I began to read my bible and meet up with God for myself again (as an adult with much less innocence than my younger self), I misspoke about some things. I have since repented and still, may be led to release even more as He reveals new truths to me on a daily basis. I'm not sure what though, I hardly have anything left at this point. In fact, I have renounced many aspects of my former life over the past few months, even selling much of my beloved gold jewelry. It is both freeing and to be honest, a bit difficult.

Why? Because I can no longer rely on those things and people to save and comfort me. To cater to my ego and affirm my success. They are no longer part of me, so I can no longer benefit from them the same. We are no longer attached. They serve no purpose here. There is an apparent dissociation. I have been stripped. I am like a newborn, waiting for my Parent to do everything for me. To feed me, to clothe me, to clean me up and give me reasons to smile. Miss Independent doesn't always know how to deal with waiting - but I am dealing, and I am waiting.

To date, God has allowed me to attain all of the things that I have ever wanted (short of my own HOME and FAMILY - what has been my truest definition of success). And when I turned to Him, ironically, he has allowed for all of these things to fall away - or for me to release - and it wasn't always willingly, readily, or happily on my end. I have had so much to say and have been at a loss for words at the same time. Because pride... But trust...

I have had to learn to rely on God alone. And the community he has set aside for my new path.

This is where discernment comes into play. God doesn't say that we cannot have associates and love our families who are nonbelievers (in fact, He wants us to love everyone and show them who He is by our actions) - but when you step into certain spaces and change your life entirely - your walk and your talk are made different. Rejection and judgement in many old, familiar places (and sometimes even disdain and disrespect) is to be expected. Another wish I have had is that I'd known how to handle these things better before now. Although I maintain that I have told no lies, I acknowledge where some of what I said would eventually manifest or reveal itself without me having to preamble it. When I heard "speak child" I did not have the discernment to know when to shut up and standby - according to HIS will. Even Jesus sometimes chose to hold his tongue when approached by the enemy.

Now, I know to ask for the Holy Spirit to be with me in those tougher times; the times I cannot read so well. To guide and protect my words, as well as my actions. Because not everyone who presents themselves as a "friend" or a "confidant" or a "prophet" or a "Christian" is that. I learned quickly how often soothsayers and companions would be so open to allowing the enemy to use their vessels against God's children. Claiming to be the same but cut from an entirely different cloth. Don't let this go over your head.

Some days are hard, and others are extremely fulfilling. On some days, I do not eat properly and I'm not sure I can call it a fast. I fight my own addictions every day. I feed my spirit with His words and I cry a lot more regularly than I ever have - both happy and sad tears. I repent regularly too, for sins known and unknown, understanding that forgiveness and salvation come only through one entity - that is Jesus Christ.

With that, I implore you to read Colossians 2:8-10. Better yet...

As of this day, mid-July 2024:

I am without a permanent home, but I am not homeless - for I dwell in the House of the Lord. I am without employment or steady income, but I am not broke - for the Lord always provides. I am quite lonely and without many friends, but I am not alone - for the Lord is always with me. I attempt to live as a decent, Godly woman should, and I do not make plans anymore as I continue to fall short - for God's plan is mysterious and greater than any plan I could fathom. And I am THANKFUL for all of it.

I understand, see and hear more now than I did last year, but I don't KNOW much. I am a struggling baby in this universe. In this new life. And I pray I make it through.

Should you follow or stick around, you may expect:

new and different content here. Much of the old will remain as it may be essential to see as a growth factor. Eventually, it may fall away.

my Bible reviews and favorite scriptures and devotionals and other messages as the Lord sees fit.

to stretch out of the old and into the new body He has for you.

my consistent invitation for you to get close to Him with me. Tis the season.

[modern-day-bard]

Worth The Feeling

Content Warning: 18+

This story includes explicit smut, intimidation, and an age gap relationship (MC is 26, Javi is in his 40s). Minors, do not interact.

Chapter 7

Wait.

That is all I did this weekend. Wait and try and catch my breath. When I woke up on Saturday morning, I had all but convinced myself that Friday night had been a dream. But I could still feel his lips on my neck, and my wrists still tingled from his hands binding them together. Come Monday morning, I had now taken a total of three cold showers.

Lana had called Friday night, Saturday morning, and Saturday afternoon. It wasn't until she threatened to get the authorities involved that I called her back. I love Lana, and I tell her everything, but a part of me liked that this was just between Javi and me. Truthfully, I hadn't even had the opportunity to have any secrets from Lana. And I liked having a secret life for once. Even if I only kept the secret for about twenty-four hours.

I didn't give her all the details. The suspicious side of me wondered if he could sue me if he found out I had spilled all of our dirty laundry. Not that we had a lot of it. And I know Lana wouldn't tell, but we all work together. Surely it could get back to him somehow. In the end, I decided to tell her the facts, and leave out the dialogue during our kiss. The only person I wanted to confess my lust to was him.

That part had really been nagging at me. I confessed that I wanted him, and he said he felt the same way, and then he left. Kissed my forehead, and left. After I had my breathing back under control, I wondered if I had done something wrong. But I'd pushed that thought away as much as possible. I didn't want to be that person. As much as I was attracted to him, I wasn't going to let him make me question my confidence.

That is, until I stepped on to set.

It's not that I'm not acting confident, it's just that I can sense that I'm acting differently. Evidenced by the fact that I wore a dress today. Never in my life as a PA have I worn a dress to work. The amount of bending over and hustling we do just doesn't allow for it. But when I woke up today, and I remembered how good it felt to feel Javi's slacks against my bare legs, I pulled out this green wrap dress first thing.

I've now made it almost half the day without seeing him. Apparently over the weekend, Lloyd had some sort of epiphany and decided to shoot things in a different order than we'd scheduled. I don't think Lloyd understands that epiphanies are supposed to be rare. Now, the entire crew is in shambles. I've been assisting almost every department today, and by the time we get through with lunch, I'm starting to regret my choice of attire.

"Dwayne to Ava." My walkie croaks.

"Go for Ava," I say, out of breath from carrying several pounds of wiring almost a mile across set.

"Hi Ava, Gutierrez is asking for you in his trailer."

"Really?" I squeak, "I mean, did he say what I should bring him?" I tried to recover from my excitable first response.

"No, he didn't say. Just go check it out, would you? And then we're going to need you on soundstage one."

"Copy!" I hope he takes my excited tone as a frantic one. Today of all days, that wouldn't be surprising.

I take my time walking to his trailer. I wish I had seen him in the beginning of the day before everything got so hectic. I'm sure the chaos was written all over my face, and my dress was all wrinkled now. Even so, nothing would prevent me from knocking on his door.

"Come in!" I hear him call and my stomach lurches.

When I enter the trailer, I'm surprised to see another man standing next to Javi in front of the kitchenette. In my startled state, I blurt out, "Mr. Gutierrez!" as if it's him I'm surprised to see, in his own trailer, where I was called to meet him.

He looks amused. "Mr. Gutierrez? So formal, Ms. Cohen. I thought we were better acquainted than that," he takes a slow sip out of the mug in his right hand. "Ava, this is Jonah Elrod, my lawyer."

"Oh," I blink before holding out my hand, "Nice to meet you."

Jonah takes my hand, smiling, "Likewise." He must be early thirties or so, but his smile is a bit crooked, giving him more of a boyish charm. He is tall, with light brown hair slicked neatly back to match his suit. "Javi, I'll be in touch," Jonah turns to the table, picking up a messenger bag before moving toward the door. "Ava, it was good to meet you," he smiles another crooked smile.

"You too," I say, and then he is gone. The sound of the door clicking seems to echo in the room for a long time. It takes me a moment before I can look at Javi. After everything on Friday, the tension seems to pull these walls tighter around us.

"Hi," Javi laughs lightly, his voice filled with the suggestion that he is feeling the tension too.

"Hi," I smile at him, feeling shy. "Why were you meeting with your lawyer? Or, wait I'm sorry I probably shouldn't ask that."

"You can ask me anything," he leans against the wall, "But I'm a little worried about scaring you off."

I think on that for a moment. He doesn't elaborate, he just keeps watching my face change from confused, to more confused.

"Oh my god," realization hits, "You need me to sign an NDA. Was I supposed to do that before our date? I mean, before...Friday happened?"

Javi's eyes widen. "What?" He puts his coffee down on the table, moving closer to where I am by the door. "No. You don't need to sign an NDA. And that wouldn't be your responsibility, it would be mine."

I just nod, and Javi takes a breath before continuing.

"Look, I'm not trying to insinuate anything. I don't want you to think that I'm asking for your hand in marriage after one date. But with your career, I wanted to make sure all of our bases are covered." He waits, looking to my face for reassurance. Honestly, I feel a lot better just knowing that he didn't summon me here to legally commit to not talking to someone about our date after I definitely already talked to someone about our date.

"Basically, I wanted to ask Jonah about paparazzi rights. See if there would be any legal ramifications for someone if they were to post a photo of us together without your permission. I'm free game, I signed up for this. But you didn't," he takes another step closer to me, his eyes sincere, "I want to apologize, Ava. I shouldn't have done what I did out in the open where anyone could have been lurking with a camera."

After a brief pause, I ask, "So that's why you asked me here?"

Javi nods.

"And here I thought you were going to apologize for not coming in for a night cap."

Javi chuckles, visibly relieved. "If I recall correctly, you didn't invite me in for a night cap."

"Well, my apologies. I was...preoccupied." If the air was thick before, that comment just added about twenty metric tons of tension on top of it.

"Jonah seems like a nice guy," I feel dumb saying it, but I can't let my last comment hang out in the air any longer.

"He's pretty great. I'm thinking of getting rid of him, though." Javi takes another step toward me. Thanks to the general small scale of trailers, he's now close enough that I have to lift my head to look him in the eye.

"Why's that?"

"He totally checked you out when he was leaving."

I half-laugh, half-snort. "He most certainly did not."

Javi ignores my comment, reaching his hand out and taking the tie at the waist of my dress in his hand, twisting it around his fingers.

"Can't blame him. It's this dress..." his gaze flickers up to mine. Hopeful. Hopeful and heated. "It's a very good color on you."

"I might have..." my cheeks blaze with my omission, "I might have picked it with you in mind." Javi's expression grows possessive. "Is that so?"

"Mmhm."

Javi leans forward, bringing his lips to my ear. "Did you think about me while I was away?"

My breathing hitches. I nod slowly. His free hand moves to the other side of my waist.

"Tell me." His voice is low and commanding.

"I thought about you all weekend," My voice trembles with excitement.

"Mmm," he hums, placing a featherlight kiss to my neck. A shiver runs down my spine underneath his hand. "What exactly did you think about?"

Tentatively, I look up and meet his gaze. The look in his eyes shoots straight to my core. His lids are hooded, his deep brown eyes wanting. I place both of my hands on either side of his face and pull him down to me. I kiss him gently, trying to remind myself to breathe. He is gentle too, though now both of his hands are on my back, inching their way down toward the hem of my dress. Before I know it, we're moving backward. I don't open my eyes, but Javi's embrace spins me. We continue to step backward until I make contact with the table in the kitchenette. His hands travel to my thighs as he bends down slightly, lifting me just enough so that I'm sitting on the table. The movement breaks us apart, and he takes the opportunity to grab my chin. He leans in so close that his lips brush mine as he speaks.

"Use your words," I feel his other hand on my knee, his fingers lightly skirting up under my dress, "Tell me what you wanted then."

With his hand firmly on my chin, there is nowhere else to look as I say, "I wanted you to come upstairs."

"What else?" His hand continues up my thigh.

"I wanted you to help me out of my dress." I have no hope of hiding how quickly my chest is rising and falling.

"Mmhm. That one was a bit shorter. I think it stopped...Here," he cuts a line across my upper thigh with his finger, "Is that right?"

"No," my eyes flutter shut, "It was higher."

He chuckles, low and gravelly. He moves his grip from my chin to the back of my neck.

"Look at me, Ava."

And I do. I look at him even though my face is on fire and my hands are shaking. I feel so exposed and still so secure. There is not a trace of apprehension in my nervous system. Looking at Javi right now, I feel so bare, yet so protected.

"Tell me where to stop." He commands. I nod in response, open-mouthed and unable to speak.

Eyes boring into mine, his other hand still on my neck, securing me in my place, he continues to work his hand up my thigh. He stops in a few places, pinching gently, drawing slow circles in others. Then he reaches my hip bone, where the side of my thong rests. I mentally thank my past self for having the decency to pick something other than Hanes this morning.

He toys with the fabric, sliding his fingers through it and out of it. His gaze keeps questioning, waiting to see when I tell him to stop. But I don't plan on ever making that request. As he realizes this still isn't too far, he hooks his finger underneath the lace, and slides his finger along until it rests in between my legs. I gasp now that he's not simply touching my leg. And even that was far from simple.

His movements still at my gasp, anticipating resistance.

"I didn't t-tell you to stop." My attempt at a seductive tone is hindered by my excited stutter.

He gives me a small smile, his eyes moving to my lips.

It distracts me for a moment, so I don't realize right away that he has now slipped his hand completely between my thong and my sex. His middle finger swipes upward, quick and unexpected.

"Oh!" I gasp once more, placing my hands on the table beneath me to steady myself. I toss my head back as far as it will go with Javi's hand still securing me in place. He does the motion again, and I stifle a moan. He continues this, and I can hear the wetness pooling between my legs with each stroke. Wanting the strokes to grow harder, I wrap my legs around him, pulling him closer. But that makes him stop. I snap my head up, eyes wide with panic.

He chuckles again at my bewildered expression, before moving his thumb to my clit.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I'm not done with you yet." His calloused thumb starts to move in slow, delicious circles.

"My...god." I whisper, my legs starting to shake around his waist.

He leans forward, kissing my neck and collarbone as he continues. In between kisses, he says, "You said you'd never been kissed like that until the other night. What about this?" he gently bites underneath my ear, "Has anyone ever made you feel like this before?"

I bite my lip, shaking my head as I stifle another moan. My eyes are closed once again.

"I believe I asked you to use your words." He practically growls.

But I can't. I can't, I can't. It's too much. It feels too good. My hand flies up to his shoulder, grasping for support. I don't need to be steaded, rather I'm grasping at this feeling. I need more. His slow movements are driving me crazy.

"I want you to make me..." I don't even recognize my own voice.

"Keep talking."

"I want to–"

"Dwayne for Ava, Dwayne for Ava." My walkie stutters to life from its position around my waist. I had completely forgotten that it was there.

"Shit." I cry, "No."

But Javi's fingers had already left my thong, and he's now leaning his forehead against mine. "You need to answer it," he pants.

"I..." Don't want to? Can't believe how shitty this timing is? Can't believe how good I just felt?

"Ava, are you there?" I hear Dwayne's voice again, slightly more irritated. The heavenly feeling I was just experiencing had dulled the fact that today has been one of the more chaotic days on set. I take a deep breath, grabbing my walkie from my work belt that was now much higher on my waist than it had been when I entered the room.

"Go for Ava."

"Are you done with Gutierrez?"

Well Dwayne, I was close. Javi smirks at Dwayne's question, pulling away from me and leaning casually against the doorframe by the table. The table where I was still sprawled out on, flushed.

"Yes. What do you need?"

"You're needed on soundstage one, like I said before. We need as many hands as possible to get organized in here."

I push my hand toward the receiver to reply, but I gasp when I see Javi slide his fingers into his mouth and suck. The same fingers that had just been giving me so much pleasure. He hasn't taken his eyes off of me, and now I'm starting to think he relishes in this specific form of torture.

"Ava?" Dwayne is definitely irritated now.

"Copy. On my way." I secure the walkie back on my belt and scoot off the table, rearranging my dress so that there are hopefully no signs of anything nefarious happening in here.

"You're evil for that," I jab my hand in Javi's direction.

His eyes turn exceedingly innocent. "I mean I had to have one taste before you go."

My mouth falls open and I just shake my head. "I just...evil."

He just looks at me and shrugs, still leaning against the doorframe.

"See you soon, Ms. Cohen." He winks.

I let my wobbly legs guide me out of the trailer, back into the brilliant sun. It is very, very difficult to wipe this dumb smile off my face. A PA running around on a day like today with a ceaseless smile plastered was sure to raise some eyebrows. As I head toward the soundstage, I try to come up with a reason to drop it.

Unfortunately, I wouldn't have to wait long to find one.

Next Chapter

Previous Chapter

Series Masterlist

[blues-valentine]

A debated opinion but I wouldn’t mind if Can I Have This Dance is a full group song with each couple having their own part, preferentially during Homecoming/Prom because that would be so cute, that if Rina gets Right Here Right Now and I Just Wanna Be With You because it’s more meaningful since it fits their whole arc.

In fact, High School Musical 3 as the school production for the season Rina is a couple and Ricky is a senior is perfect. Look at those lyrics:

Everything about Rina has been about change.

Ricky's fear of change and Gina's life constantly changing so she dosn't allow herself to think too far ahead but Ricky is been her yes. So for Right Here Right Now, if Rina’s arc for S4 is like I predict it will with them feeling unsure about their future because is Ricky's last year at East High and now their whole public relationship with everyone inserting themselves into it then the lyrics fit just right: "I'd wish this moment was ours to own it and that it would never leave" and then with being afraid of the future and linking it to Gina’s speech about her life being all about maybe and holding onto the present and the journey: "Right here, I promise you somehow that tomorrow can wait for some other day to be, but right now there's you and me". Ricky’s senior year/decisions approaching: "We know it's coming and it's coming fast (but right now, there's you and me) so let's make every second last". And we back again with the theme of change: "A bend in the universe is gonna make everything in our whole world change (it's changing) and you know that where we are will never be the same". It’s prefect for a moment when they're feeling like nothing is going like they want it to because of their fame and time is running out.

Then there’s Just Wanna Be With You: "You know how life can be. It changes over night. It's sunny then raining but it's alright. A friend like you, always make it easy. I know that you get me every time. Through every up. Through every down. You know I'll always be around. Through anything you can count on me." I mean, "I thought we sort of got each other" is pretty self explanatory for them and it really highlights the rollercoaster that has been their journey though out all these four seasons.

Actually, I can see this song being sang by two different couples (the full song does), the first part for Ryan and Kelsey on the piano (could be Seblos) and Rina taking it off from where Troy and Gabriella start since it’s the part that fits their relationship and most of it till the end kind of like in the movie version (the rehearsal, not the actual show). I can see that song being Rina focused but with the other couples as backup.

And even Gabriella's solo Walk Away is so Gina coded and it mentions change. This song is when Gabriella had to leave East High earlier because she got an early admission into college. "I guess I should've known better to believe that my luck had changed. I let my heart and forever. Finally learn each other's name. I tell myself this time is different, no goodbyes 'cause I can bear to say it. I'll never survive the ones that's coming if I stay. Just walk away and don't look back 'cause if my heart breaks it's gonna hurt so bad. You know I'm strong but I can't take that." And I just remember Kristoff Lullaby: "You light the world for me. You live life fearlessly, braver than the braver of us do" and Ricky’s “Gina’s a fighter and she’ll come back for opening night” Like, Gina is Gabriella. I'm sorry, she's so her coded.

And we know there's only one person that can sing Scream and that's Ricky Bowen and the line: "Yeah, the clock's running down, hear the crowd getting loud. I'm consumed by the sound. Is it her? Is it love? Can the music ever be enough?" that's Ricky Bowen coded. I can imagine him singing this when he is feeling overwhelmed about having to make decisions about his future, about music, about having to be away from Gina. Josh would eat this bad.

CIHTD is aesthetically iconic but the lyrics can apply to every couple on the show so I wouldn’t mind that one being a group song with all the pairings together singing some parts because it would look pretty cute on a big scale dance. “A Night To Remember” needs to happen too. Like, it’s basically a need for them to do this.

[derekscorner]

Fated Rantings: Remnants Rambling

A Game Better Than It Has Right To Be

I recently finished what is my fourth romp through the Fate Series. It has been slow going due to life but truth be told I didn't want to rush either.

My go of Fate Grand Order is still ongoing, my first anime was Apocrypha, then I watched the 2006 Fate Stay Night, and now I've finished Samurai Remnant after 70+ hours.

Each of these has been good so far. I may hate gacha games but FGO has a solid initial story arc and it's Lost Belt 6 story is also great apparently. I'm not sure I'll get that far but I am determined to finish Solomon's villain arc.

While I'd rate Apocrypha a better anime than it's often given. I am still in shock from the sheer contrast of Astolfo in-story vs the internet osmosis he's become. While the 06 anime was decent for me I do admit I had already seen plenty of lore videos prior so I knew what was going on.

Then there's Samurai Remnant that is better than I expected. I tried it because I am a new Fate fan and Type-Moon doesn't localize things often. I'd argue it is my second favorite story so far falling just behind Apocrypha.

Imagine a Fate Stay Night remade in this style!

Game mechanics weren't perfect or without annoyance for me, I will admit. I feel like Iori gets knocked around far to easy and can be stun locked.

The barrier gauge among most enemies and bosses is honestly a pain and feels like it's padding a bit (until you hit max level anyway) and it is easy to get lost in the towns at first.

Yes you have a map but I did get annoyed more than once be slow traversal hazards or dead ends. Granted, this is an aggravation for extras.

When in-story it is all fine. There's story reasons or game mechanic reasons for why you will have to crawl around, sneak, and so on. It was very much an issue I gave myself for wanting to do every thing and search every corner.

Many other things that annoyed me at first quickly vanished later as I leveled up or filled out skill boards so I will not list them. It was a somewhat basic but unique (in ways) game play set up for what is essentially a visual novel.

I only mention it all because I think this game would be an amazing blueprint for other Fate games. I've already seen people hope for a Fate Stay Night remade in this game's image.

Whether it's a new route or just the old novel redone the hope is now there and I find myself agreeing with them. Samura/Remnant is a great prototype for taking visual novels that began Fate and turning them into a video game that can reach more people.

Story is where it Shines

I won't lie, I expected something 'okay' or "mid" as kids call it, but no. This story actually is rather good. Several characters have more going on than it initially appears and multiple runs are required.

You'll play this game 3 to 4 times if you want every ending or to finish ever digression mission. Something I highly recommend you do because you'll miss out on explanations for several plot points or character motivations.

Admittedly, there are several things that I didn't get answered despite my thorough go of the game. I completely missed the fact that Tsuchimikado's family can use divination for future sight. It was this very skill that allowed him to create the Waxing Moon Ritual.

The whole reason the ritual is flawed is due to him using imperfect foresight to orchestrate the event. The story tells you several times that the ritual is a sham compared to the Fuyuki Grail War but I don't remember it ever actually stating why.

The wish of Rogue Berserker was also something I missed in-game. I won't spoil who he is (or was?) but knowing his wish now makes his finale and leyline placement much more sensible.

Leyline you ask?

Ah yes, it's explained in-game but I'll spoil it here since it's not that much of one. Due to the rituals imperfection a number of extra servants are summoned to Edo.

They're "rogue" or stray servants who are bound to a leyline in the land. (A spot of particularly high mana essentially.) On top of the rogue servants a pseudo servant and ruler class servant are also summoned.

Of course, none of these extra heroes have much interest in the ritual. You can befriend them in the story but the actual war itself is carried out by the 7 actual servants and their masters.

As for the ruler, well, Gilgamesh really just proves why he never gets the role in the funniest way. He doesn't care about the false grail, he doesn't care about the half-assed ritual, and he doesn't care for his job as a ruler.

He literally fucks off, weebs out, and opens a store five houses down from yours early into the game. It is one of the funniest fucking things.

It's small things like this or Gilgamesh's antics that give the story life. I don't want my section above to paint the image of it being bad for some things going unexplained. It's entirely possible I missed the in-game explanation.

But do know that characters will sell this story too you more than the plot beats will.

The story itself, in terms of progression, is simple. Iori gets drug into the ritual like most Fate protagonists do. Many of the events triggered are usually by way of the other masters having an actual battle.

Iori is there, he's an active participant, but he mostly runs around seeking information or making allies while major events are kicked off by the magi or servants triggering them. The digressions show you a lot of these perspectives.

Iori isn't a fool or ignorant of magic, he's just not a man of status or means to pull the stunts many others cause. I would argue he "has no desire too" but that in of itself is a murky topic.

Overall, I do consider it a good thing because the story is character driven instead. So much so that I won't even dare to try and fit it all in a post. I'll let you discover that for yourself...except for Assassin.

Not a bad character by any means but he has a moment in the game mid way and to this very day I do not get why he does what he does. It's like they just did whatever they had to for that boss fight to happen...

I just find it a shame because his digressions are actually humorous. Many character interactions are funny at times. It's always the small things too, little scenes that you could miss if you rush.

Other Questions & Conclusions

To be honest there's more I could ramble on but it won't fit into one post and I do not feel like I can make more than two or three. One reason is due to me obviously missing details that I only learned later due to a video by Otakudaikun.

Another reason is due to the sheer number of characters. There's several I've only seen for the first time outside of FGO and do not feel like I can do them justice due to my lack of familiarity.

Others are so simple that I do not think they have much to be said. They're not bad for it they're just simple and true to their nature.

Such as Jeanne. I didn't even get into how disappointing it is for her personality to be muted. And make no mistake, this is Jeanne corrupted not FGO Jalter.

I didn't cover just how much Rogue Berserker hit me personally since I liked his legend as a child.

I'd need a whole post of it's own to talk about Rogue Rider and her antics. Sure you see a loli but by hell I know Amaterasu's lore in Fate, her nature, so I only get nervous seeing her grin. (though I do love her dynamic with Kaya)

Nor did I elaborate on how cool it is for the main servants (the ones paired with masters) to be legends from Japan or China. I actually learned a few interesting ones due to this writing decision.

There's the other endings as well but nothing is as deep as the 'Entreat the Darkness' ending imo. They're all decent though.

I even have this theory that Iori is the reason Musashi was summoned to t his timeline with no proof other than he wants to best his master and she wants a decent opponent.

What I will reiterate is that you should try this. It's a great place to start Fate and it's a good one to try if you already follow Fate.

Go give it a try, bye now~

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Other Fate related ramblings here: https://derekscorner.tumblr.com/tagged/fated-rantings