#in fact i think it is comfortably sex-repulsed asexual

[debtsunpaid]

what's really interesting to me is that in some ways, the demon constantine is the more emotionally intelligent of the two? motherfucker had time to think about life and humanity and himself in hell, freed from all inhibitions; it's a maverick entity, being a golem, so he had no duties, no hang-ups, no problems to solve. it had all the space and time that john never did to contemplate and explore his own identity, and i think it found a lot about itself and the ways it differs fundamentally from his creator. the ways he wants to further separate himself from its creator.

like yes, he wants to steal john's place on earth and usurp his life, but because it thinks it could do his life better than he ever could, not because it envies him. he's like the hell version of the golden boy: believing itself to be a well of untapped potential that's actually been cultivated, studied, and culled into something better-defined than john's ever done for himself.

[gabessquishytum]

Hob thinking Dream is asexual because he never dates or shows interest in anyone, meanwhile Dream has been in love with Hob for 20 years. 😭😭

- 🚒

I love this because like. Hob could totally not be wrong! Maybe Dream IS ace. But he's still been in love with Hob for 20 years... and Hob is a himbo who may have completely understood how asexuality works.

Look, when he first learned about ace people, he didn't really get it. Hob is very much allo and finds it a little difficult to understand. But he had a friend in his university's pride group who was ace, and they explained it to him. The thing is, they were very much asexual in a sex repulsed, only interested in platonic relationship kind of way. And Hob never got the memo that not all ace people feel like that.

And Hob really really cares about Dream, who has been his best friend since high school, so he wants to respect and be fully supportive of any way that Dream may feel or identify. Having applied his own form of logic and decided that Dream must be ace, he does everything he can to respect his friend. And that means... not bringing up the fact that Hob loves him and really really wants to have a lot of nasty sex with him. Cause Dream would obviously not want that. Right?

Now. Hob is not entirely wrong. Dream does identify somewhere within the spectrum of asexuality. He thinks he might be demisexual, but he's never actually talked about it. What he does know is that there is only one person in the world that he wants to date and do sex things with, and that's Hob. Unfortunately he assumes that Hob (who screws pretty much anything with a pulse but has never tried to screw Dream) must not be attracted to him.

They're both their own brand of stupid, basically.

How does this ultimately resolve? They end up going to a local Pride event together. Hob sees a tent with the ace flag and heads over - he is a Supportive Friend. He's hoping they might be selling pins or flags or something. Instead, he ends up seeing a poster which briefly highlights a number of identifies which fall under the umbrella of asexuality. By the time Dream finds him, Hob is having a small crisis, being comforted by one of the volunteers, who is also gently explaining to him that yes, some ace people like relationships and sex.

All of this means that after 20 years of knowing each other, Hob and Dream finally have to have a conversation about what they both want. The volunteer hands them some condoms, just in case, but both silly boys are more interested in gazing into each other's eyes adoringly!

And they may be using the condoms later... But Hob doesn't really mind. He'll take Dream any way he can get him, forever. No taking it back <333

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for setting a boundary on a Minecraft server that I didn’t want to interact with one of the admins after he quit my partner’s dnd campaign?

I (20, nonbinary) was on a lgbtq+ discord and had become friends with a trans guy (henceforth referred to as A) who was a minor. This was easy to forget as he made raunchy jokes, got drunk and high on call, and I have horrible memory issues (so I often opt to just remember people’s names and topics I should avoid around them via making little notes.)

We would very often end up in a vc together with others from the server, including our respective partners, chilling, playing games, sharing fun things we found. (His partner will henceforth be referred to as B, and mine as C) (I had known his partner before from another server and was happy to see them getting along then eventually getting together)

(C especially would always give advice like “if you’re drinking, make sure to eat/get some carbs, drinking on an empty stomach is bad!” Because they love researching medical effects to make their writing and worldbuilding feel more realistic)

There were a handful of incidents where I believe I was the asshole

I loved showing off games and musicals to people, and this has the unfortunate effect of sometimes unintentionally saying words that anger people.

Incident 1) I was playing a game and mindlessly saying location names- and I got a dm- I pause to glance at it- and I got a message saying “hey remember [redacted] is A’s deadname and he’s uncomfortable that you keep saying it”. I pause, make a mental note of “but. It. Wasn’t directed at him?” Then continue playing, dodging saying the name for the rest of my time showing the game.

Incident 2) I was showing off a musical I like- and there’s a cute scene where a character suggests a name for another character, saying that they don’t need it anymore, and it just so happened to be A’s deadname again.

Incident 3) I was playing Sea of Thieves solo- and struggling. I’d been hit by lightning, and now was being attacked by a shark. A and B were making fun of the fact I had slipped into an accent out of sheer panic so I (enraged and not thinking at all) said “I’ll name the damn shark after you, fillet and gut it!” (A really likes sharks. I also like sharks but apparently not as much as him)

(I apologized for this on call later, saying that I was emotional and mad, and if I’d been thinking I wouldn’t have said that. I also apologized for the previous incident about the deadname)

A and B had also joined C’s dnd campaign alongside another one of our mutual friends, D (who did not leave the campaign, but that’s not important right now). I have reason to believe C told the others they couldn’t be either of the two classes I said my character thought they were, but I don’t know. Things went great (or so I thought) we got some plot trails (one connected to the race of my character, one being D’s character’s family) and everything seemed fine- A was flirting with a lot of the enemies and NPCS (C found the character arts via google images and unfortunately ‘attractive’ seems to be a main character design commonality)

Then one day, I woke up to check the campaign discord because of a ping and noticed both A and B had left the server and there was no new messages- confused, I hopped into call with C- who explained that A had dropped a long list of accusations about Myself and C, essentially insulting us and accusing us of things like ‘sending NSFW things to kids’, ‘acting like the victim’, ‘naming a character A’s deadname’, ‘DM favouritism’, and a whole bunch of other things. I was- shocked.

(A also apparently messaged D and said something like “sorry for ending the campaign like that, if you want to use your character you can always write with me!” And got angry when D said they didn’t leave the campaign.)

(C is also a generally sex-repulsed Asexual. They were forcing themself to become more comfortable with it because of A’s raunchy jokes)

This was followed by some harassment from A and B.

A tried publicly calling out C on social media (which C had only used to make a single post sharing something they had made for someone’s art/design) for “sending nsfw things to minors” and on another platform for “being a fake ass bitch”, as well as both of them heckling a new haircut I’d been nervous but excited to try and get for years and just figured out how to ask for (responses such as “omg no ew why would you do that”), as well as A saying “no I don’t” a picture I shared of C and I going to see a musical together with the caption “you wish you were here!” (All were shared and reacted to publicly on the discord server)

(To be fair about the haircut- the stylist had cut part of it a little too short and it made my face look especially chubby)

This is where I start to feel less like the asshole

So I went on the discord for the Minecraft server and said “hey, I don’t feel comfortable interacting with A after the allegations they’ve been making”. A immediately got defensive and angry about me saying “allegations” and kicked me from the discord before I could defend myself (and C).

I explained the situation to the admin of the server we’d met on, who also owned the Minecraft server, and apologized to them that they had to moderate. Both A and I lost our mod privileges on the discord, and I also found out A had been given multiple “cease and desist”s for… saying/sharing vulgar/nearly nsfw things on the discord before. And they did it again. The reason they were never banned or kicked was that the admin had made it in hopes that A would make friends.

Now. To a part that still horrifies me.

A legitimately found out C’s mom’s number, and called her to insist that C sent NSFW things to minors. (C suspects that they got it from a time C called the police out of genuine concern for A who hadn’t responded to any messages in around a day)

C also told me that the most they had sent A was like. Attractive anime guys from the first page of google images because C really liked big anime man chests. A apparently sent C full on p*rn once.

The problem is- I feel like I was the asshole- even though most of the “incidents” were accidents because I try to not remember someone’s deadname because- it’s? Not their name anymore? And it didn’t help that I genuinely do not remember being told it was their deadname until after incident 1.

Was I the Asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[veren-cos]

Hi!! How are you?? :)

I'm not sure if you're still up for taking requests, but I'm gonna try anyway!

This is actually the first time I've gotten myself to read Stardew Valley stuff, I was looking for content and came across one of your posts (the comforting after a rough day one) and I just couldn't help but keep reading. I love the few I've read so far honestly!!

I have a very specific topic in mind for the bachelors that you could use for headcanons; it would involve the farmer being asexual, the bachelors' reaction to that knowledge and how they'd act towards the farmer from that point on in their relationship (already dating), since I know that some people actually feel weird about it after finding out (needless to say that I'm in fact ace myself)

You can decline the request if you're not open to that at the moment but most importantly if the topic makes you uncomfortable in any kind of way, I'll understand and accept it right away :)

I'm a really awkward person so since I don't really know what else to say, thank you so much (even for reading this) and keep up the good work!! <3

Coming out as asexual to the bachelors

These are assuming you are already in a (relatively new) relationship.

These are also more for sex repulsed aces. Not really a tw, but Alex's section is a little more angsty than the rest?

Sam

• Would not have heard of asexuality at all.

• He honestly gets confused for a second and thinks that you didn't like him at all.

• But once you explain that you just don't want the sexual aspect of a relationship, he is actually pretty chill about it.

• He wasn't expecting anything to happen with you for a while because you'd just started dating.

• So it really took the pressure off of him because he was really nervous.

• Nothing really changes with him! He would probably just show you a lot of nonsexual physical affection. Like a lot more than before.

• There is no pressure to go any further. I could honestly see this guy being ace himself, but regardless he loves you.

Sebastian

• Sebastian would probably be like. One of maybe 3 Bachelors who have heard of asexuality.

• And he would by no means have any problems with it!

• He would just love on you by sososoo many cuddles.

• He likes being intimate with you physically, and doesn't want to pressure you at all.

• He understands that you definitely still like him, you just don't feel the sexual attraction or want to have sex.

• Like Sam, I could see Sebastian being ace. He just wants to be with you, in whatever ways you want to be with him. <3

Alex

• Okay so I love Alex. And I like to think of him as accepting. But he basically canonically has internalized homophobia.

• I don't think he would of even heard of asexuality.

• It truly depends on how much character development he has had.

• So basically. He would either be like chill about it, or break up with you (and not because he doesn't like you! That's important!)

•

• If he was chill, I think the relationship would progress just as normal!

• He would just hold your hand, and give you so many kisses.

• He would try and learn ways to show you affection without crossing your boundaries.

•

• But if his character hasn't developed, I could see him breaking up with you. And it's not because he wouldn't like you anymore. Please don't get him wrong, he really likes you.

• He just seems like the kind of guy where sex would be the epitome of intimacy. I don't think he would know what to do, and he doesn't want to pressure you.

• If he hasn't had character development, he would want to go back to just being friends. He wouldn't know how to express how he feels about you in a non sexual way.

• Alex would, however, much come to regret that. So once he has a grasp on his own emotional needs and learns more about emotional intimacy, give a relationship with him another try. He will be great :)

Harvey

• Harvey!!

• Harvey would be so respectful.

• He probably wouldn't have heard of it before? Not in like a sexuality way anyways. Maybe like in the science way tho. So he can guess.

• He wouldn't want to push you, and he hadn't made any sexual advances in the first place so it's not like there would be any backtracking.

• He loves you for who you are, not what you can do for him.

• Once you explain what it is, or for your specifically what it is, he just hugs you and tells you he loves you.

• Harvey is a sweetie.

Shane

• Shane wouldn't care.

• It's your business lol

• I couldn't see him being ace himself, but I could see him having a really low sex drive.

• Depression can often decrease a sex drive if ya didn't know 🤠

• Soo yeah, it wouldn't be a big deal to him :)

• He, like Sebastian, would just give you a lot more cuddles instead! Shane just likes to be close to you

Elliott

• Elliott would be so amazing with it?

• He just wants to love you the way you want to be loved. And if that means never having sex? He us okay with that.

• He was already the king of nonsexual intimacy.

• He would love taking baths with you, washing your hair, etc.

• He wants to make sure you know he loves you, and is incredible respectful of your boundaries and sexuality.

An* To my ace readers ilysm!! Aroace-spec identities are so underrepresented. So I was so happy to write about it! I love giving fiction for underrepresented subjects. Hope you enjoyed!

And to you who requested thjs, ty! I'm glad you like my writing, that means a lot to me :) I'm always open for requests, they just take me a while- so feel free to send more if you'd like :3

If something about this fic is iffy or weird, please let me know. I'm not ace (I don't think? But that's a different topic lol) so I don't know if I wrote things right. I'm mostly iffy about Alex's response. So if you have a suggestion please do lmk. 🤠👍

Masterlist

[azulcrescent]

Hi! I'm aroace, here's my experience (mandatory caveat that no-one's experiences are universal).

I currently have two friends who I Love (platonically). They are extremely important to me, and when I think of my future, they're always there. I have friends who I am just friendly with, but these two are special. For me, if I imagine traditionally romantic gestures (holding hands, kissing, getting married) about my friends, I feel positive and comfortable with the idea. But the second I try to imagine it in a romantic context, I feel awkward and mildly repulsed.

Some aro people are comfortable with doing romantic things in a romantic context, with an understanding with their partner/s that their personal feelings are platonic/not romantic.

Some aro people are extremely uncomfortable with any kind of romantic action and with any kind of romantic feelings, being romance-repulsed, similarly to sex-repulsed asexuals.

Aromantic allosexual people may have sex with their friends, with one night stands, or others, and while some may find sex an inherently romantic gesture, others will feel it is completely detached from romance and be completely comfortable with it.

Queer-platonic relationships (or QPRs) are relationships that fall outside of the platonic/romantic/familial trinary. They are almost impossible to define outside of that, because they vary so greatly between each one. If an aromantic person has a set life partner/s, they may define it as a QPR, and their partner as their queer-platonic partner (QPP), if they want a label besides 'friend', 'boy/girlfriend', and 'partner'.

Importantly, while it is tempting to just switch out romantic relationships/feelings with platonic ones, some aro people are 'loveless' and reject the idea/feelings of love entirely, not just romantic, but platonic and familial as well. I am not actually as well-versed with this idea as I would like to be, but as I've seen it explained, it's just a rejection of the idea of love. For some, it's a protest against the fact that we are often defined by our relationships (you can imagine why an aro person would feel uncomfortable by someone claiming that relationships are necessary to be human), some have it kinda like a trauma response, with having had bad experiences in the past with relationships and choosing to avoid relationships in future. Nothing wrong with either, totally up to the person! @gender-koolaid has some more stuff on lovelessness if you're curious.

Sorry for the infodump, I hope this is helpful! (love the comic btw <3)

Thank you so much for the super detailed write up! It's super informative and it'll take a while for me to digest but this will be very useful for me in writing aro people in the future! ^^ And i'm glad you like the comic!

[heartless-aro]

Reminder that just because a character isn’t explicitly referred to as aspec doesn’t mean that it isn’t harmful to the aspec community when the character is written in a way that implicitly ties their cruelty or their violence or their evil acts to their disinterest in romance, sex, or other forms of relationships. Dexter Morgan may have never been called aromantic or asexual in-text, but when I came out as aro ace to my family, I still got a reaction of “Oh, so like the main character from Dexter! He doesn’t have interest in those sort of relationships either, because he’s a serial killer.”

J.K. Rowling may have never called Voldemort aromantic, but she did directly tie his evil acts and his choice to be a genocidal monster to the fact that he cannot feel love. People have told me that this wasn’t arophobic of her at all, because “his inability to love is psychopathy, not aromanticism!” Ableism against people with personality disorders aside, this doesn’t actually change the fact that Rowling’s writing, specifically her characterization of Voldemort, is deeply arophobic. When I read the Harry Potter series as a kid, it made me feel broken and dirty, and I remember realizing abruptly that this writer whose work I had gotten so invested in would likely have seen a part of me—which I didn’t yet have the words to describe but which was a core part of my being—as something evil, immoral, and shameful.

Anyway, a character doesn’t have to identify as aromantic or as asexual to be written in a way that’s arophobic and/or acephobic. Discussions of aro coding and ace coding are often relegated to the realm of headcanons, and that can make it feel almost like we aren’t “allowed” to call out arophobia and acephobia in mainstream media. This character who kicks puppies and commits genocide every other Tuesday due to being incapable of love isn’t really aromantic, right? That’s just a headcanon. But even without our words being used to describe these characters, we are still harmed by the existence of characters who are evil because they don’t love or who are just too evil and gross for the writers to feel comfortable imagining them in a sexual or romantic relationship (We don’t want to think about Dark Lord Puppy Kicker kissing someone or having SEX! Ew! He’s far too repulsive to be thought of in such a light. Let’s just imply he doesn’t care for such things.). This rant is a bit messy and disorganized because I’m very tired, but hopefully y’all get what I’m trying to say.

[lixxen]

I haven't seen many things so far talking about Charlie being autistic and how autistic people view sexuality and gender (I'm also really late to the party and on S8). It's gotten me thinking

Because how Charlie acts in the show, is very much reminiscent of how a lot of autistic people do interact with gender and sexuality. He does genuinely seem uninterested and low-key repulsed towards sex or other types of contact like that. So I interpreted him as asexual, but specifically biromantic graysexual. The kind that doesn't really want sex/seek it out because it isn't a need. But will in fact do it, especially to fit in

But also, he seems to have a different viewpoint on gender. He seems to be comfortable in his own skin, but the concept of him being a guy seems to be a little more fluid. I know he has stated somewhere in the show that his female name would be Joyce. Which I find so interesting for a choice of name tbh. I don't interpret him as wanting to be a woman, or to be trans, but more of a fact that he views it differently and more fluidly. So I feel like he would have days where he wouldn't mind being referred to as a girl and to be called Joyce. But then other days he would be more bothered by it if you did because he isn't interpreting himself that way that day. If that makes sense? Because as an autistic person, I understand how he seemingly interacts with gender in the show

Bro seems comfortable in his body but like.... Gender isn't a big deal and is chill. He isn't trans. Just... Himself, which is fluid and whatever he feels. Some days he feels like the name Joyce is a better fit than Charlie and that they or she kinda fits the mood. But he also feels at home with he/him and Charlie. Y'know?? Trying to connect to ur brain via Bluetooth with my autism powers so you get me

[lesbians4lottienat]

water down what i’d call being grateful - lottienat

—

“Lottie leans back down and catches Nat in a bruising kiss, causing the shorter girl to shiver. Okay, so they were making out. No big deal; they’d done it before, and Nat had enjoyed it. She wanted the intimacy of it all. Making out didn’t mean it had to lead to what she dreaded most. But then, Lottie pulls away slightly and moves to kiss Nat on her collarbones—Nat’s breath hitches.

No. No, no, no.

Nat takes a calming breath. A shiver runs down her spine as Lottie’s teeth lightly graze her neck. Bad. She knew where this was leading. Bile rises from the back of her throat.”

or

Nat struggles with telling her girlfriend, Lottie, about her asexual identity.

—

college/no-crash/modern au. transfeminine travis martinez. childhood best friends travis & natalie. supportive best friend travis. mentions of sex cuz it’s about asexuality…like one (1) sex joke too. biromantic asexual nat & lesbian lottie. hurt/comfort. mentions of non-supportive partners & parents.

think that’s all the important stuff! lmk if i should add anything else :P

—

Nat had always had a…strange relationship with sex, to say the least. From the moment she learned about it, she felt an overwhelming rush of disgust and a subconscious feeling of pain. Whenever she brought this up, however, the adults in her life would simply laugh and tell her it was normal and that, eventually, she’d be over these feelings. What she felt was a phase due to her still being too young to understand.

Now, Nat realized what a load of bullshit that was. No matter how hard she initially tried to pretend it was, it wasn't a phase. Pretending that she just ‘wasn’t ready yet’ just resulted in her having a lot of terrible sex. Though, to be fair, to Nat, all sex was terrible sex. Simply put, she was a sex-repulsed asexual, and pretending was hurting more than it was helping. Every time she forced herself to sleep with a partner, whether they be a boy or a girl, it always just went wrong. She would end up crying or feeling nauseous. One time, after sleeping with a particularly pushy guy, she actually did end up vomiting. They never spoke about it, but they broke up two weeks later.

After that awful experience, she realized that maybe something was different about her than other people. So, after countless hours of researching sexuality blogs and articles, she finally concluded that she was, in fact, asexual. She mainly kept it to herself, though. She didn’t want to deal with annoying, invasive questions or stupid thoughts from people who had no right to say anything about her private life. She didn’t even tell her closest friends. If the subject were to come up, she wouldn’t hide it, but she felt it wasn’t particularly anyone else’s business, either.

However, this proved to be a problem when she started dating one of her best friends, Lottie Matthews. You see, Lottie was super accepting of many things, but Nat feared this would finally be the dealbreaker that scared her away.

“Nat, come on,” Travis groaned, “You’re gonna have to tell her eventually.” Currently, the two sat in Travis’ dorm having the same conversation they always did when asexuality was the topic. Travis was one of the only people she had told she was asexual. She had actually helped her discover it, sending her a bunch of helpful articles when Nat was initially researching. “She’s not gonna care, dude.”

“But what if she does?” Nat asks, voice wavering slightly. This catches Travis off guard, and she leans forward to place a supportive hand on Nat’s shoulder. “Then she’s an asshole, Nat. And you deserve better.”

Nat swallows nervously. Then, in a small voice, she says, “I just don’t want to lose her…”

“You won’t, Nat. Lottie’s cool. She’s always been there for you, and you for her. This isn’t gonna matter, I promise.”

Nat nods slowly, eventually agreeing with Travis’ words. “Now,” the taller girl starts, “Get ready to have your ass handed to you in Mario Kart.”

“In your dreams, Martinez,” Nat says with a smile.

And so, it was decided. Nat would tell Lottie about her actual sexual orientation. Now came the questions of how and when, but she supposed it could wait until after she beat Travis at Mario Kart.

—

Nat sighed, combing a hand through her shaggy blonde hair. The roots were growing in, and for once, she was considering keeping it instead of re-bleaching it. She hummed as she looked in the mirror. Travis would be glad she wouldn’t have to help Nat dye her hair again. They accidentally dyed the poor girl’s hands the last time they tried.

She was attempting to think of the perfect way to come out to her girlfriend as she worked on a lab report for one of her classes. She sat on her and Lottie’s bed, typing and pondering. She was so deep in thought she almost didn't notice Lottie creep into the room quietly. Lottie stretches, then leans in, gently kisses Nat’s neck, right where she knows she’s ticklish, and causes the blonde to giggle.

“Lotts, what are you doing?”

“Kissing my beautiful girlfriend, of course,” Lottie responds before peppering Nat’s neck with feather-light kisses. The attack causes an outburst of sudden laughter, and soon, Lottie’s on top of Nat, straddling her hips and tickling her sides. Lottie must feel merciful today because she stops relatively quickly; she stays seated on top of Nat, however. She looks down at her longingly, a fond smile on her face.

“Your laughter is my favorite sound.”

Nat snorts.

“Okay, loser.”

“Hey! I was being romantic!”

“Sounded like you were being a loser to me.”

Lottie glares playfully at Nat, who simply sticks out her tongue in response.

Here’s where it all went wrong. Lottie leans back down and catches Nat in a bruising kiss, causing the shorter girl to shiver. Okay, so they were making out. No big deal; they’d done it before, and Nat had enjoyed it. She wanted the intimacy of it all. Making out didn’t mean it had to lead to what she dreaded most. But then, Lottie pulls away slightly and moves to kiss Nat on her collarbones—Nat’s breath hitches.

No. No, no, no.

Nat takes a calming breath. A shiver runs down her spine as Lottie’s teeth lightly graze her neck. Bad. She knew where this was leading. Bile rises from the back of her throat.

“Lottie- Lottie stop!”

Lottie pulls up immediately, looking at Nat with wide, concerned eyes. Nat tries to wriggle away, but Lottie’s still on her. Lottie notices her discomfort and quickly gets off. Nat recoils almost instantly, curling into herself protectively. She’s hyperventilating, eyes focusing everywhere but Lottie.

“Hey, Nat, are you okay? I- I’m sorry if I went too far. We- we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to-.”

However, Nat doesn’t hear the rest of her rambling as she’s already run out the door, her computer and unfinished classwork long forgotten.

—

nat: travis

nat: travis

nat: travis seriously this is important

trav: what’s wrong??

nat: im such an idiot travis

nat: lottie kissed my neck and i freaked out

trav: you’re not an idiot nat

trav: did she get mad at you?

nat: i don’t know

nat: i ran

nat: im such an idiot

trav: you’re not an idiot, youre just scared

trav: where are you right now???

trav: are you safe?

nat: im outside

nat: i think i’m by your dorm

nat: can i crash at yours?

trav: of course

trav: do you still have that spare key?

nat: yeah

trav: okay ill be there in a bit, gonna grab some food

trav: chinese sound okay?

nat: yes please

—

Lottie paces back and forth, surely wearing a hole through the wooden floorboards with how much she’s been walking on them. Her phone rings and rings, but it is sent to voicemail again. Nat isn’t picking up. She fights the urge to throw her phone at the wall in frustration and concern.

She wasn’t sure what had gone wrong. One moment, she and Nat were laughing together, and the next, Nat was running away with tears in her eyes. She felt awful for not picking up on Nat's discomfort sooner. She brought her girlfriend to tears and made her run away. What kind of girlfriend did that? A bad one, she bitterly thinks to herself.

She takes a deep breath before opening her messages and texting Nat a quick message to apologize.

—

lotts <3: hey nat, i’m really sorry i didn't realize you were uncomfortable sooner. i really didn't mean to scare you, but im sooo so so so sorry that i did. If there's any way i can make it up to you, please let me know. Also, if you could tell me you’re somewhere safe, I would appreciate it. I love you, and im so sorry.

read by nat <3 at 7:54 PM.

—

Lottie frowned at the read receipt and the lack of a response. She groaned, throwing her head into her hands, before grabbing her phone once again and texting some friends.

—

lottie: is nat at your place?? I just want to make sure she's safe.

travis: yeah, she’s probably gonna spend the night

lottie: okay, thank you

—

lottie started a chat with taissa, jackie, shauna, and van

lottie: guys i need your help really, really badly

van: what's poppin lotts!!!

van changed their name to vanvan

jackie changed their name to jax

jax: what’s up girlypop!

taissa: Are you alright? Did something happen, Lott?

lottie: i think i royally fucked up

vanvan: oh so is now not the time to assign our usual nicknames?

lottie: no

lottie: its not

shauna: what happened?

lottie: you know how we were talking about nat not getting hints when i tried to show her i was ready to take the next step in our relationship?

lottie: well i tried being more forward and i think i really freaked her out. i stopped as soon as i saw how uncomfortable she was but she ran away crying and now i dont know what to do

lottie: what if she hates me?

taissa: Where did she go? Did you try to talk to her?

lottie: i called a bunch but she wouldn’t answer

lottie: i texted travis though and she says that nat’s over there and is probably staying the night

lottie: so i at least know she’s safe

jax: oh shit

vanvan: well, you stopped, thats the important thing

vanvan: i don’t think she’s going to hate you

shauna: you guys just have to talk it out and maybe come up with a better way of communicating when you're uncomfortable with something

lottie: im such an asshole

jax: hey!! no!!

jax: you stopped when you noticed! that’s not asshole behavior!! you just didn't realize!!!

vanvan: ^

taissa: It'll be okay, Lottie. You just have to give her time.

lottie: i hope you’re right

—

Lottie lay in bed with a pit in her stomach, cradling one of Nat’s favorite sweaters in her arms. She couldn’t sleep without the familiar scent of her girlfriend, after all. Whenever her phone chimed, she would sit up immediately to check it, but it was never Nat.

—

Travis sighed, rubbing at her eyes. She was sitting on her couch, the remains of her and Nat’s food stowed in the fridge. Nat lay with her head in Travis’ lap while the two watched a cartoon from when they were younger. This was a routine they had formed in their adolescence. Whenever Travis’ parents were on her ass for not being “man enough,” or Nat’s mom was drinking herself to death, the two would find a secluded park to hang out and smoke in. Nat was sober now, so they switched to watching dumb cartoons and making fun of them. Now, here they were; they had escaped from shitty small-town Wiskayok after all, no matter what assholes called them burnouts in their teenage years.

“Nat?”

Nat doesn’t respond, staying exceptionally still. Travis is only convinced she's still awake because of her sporadic and uneven breathing. She’s still highly shaken up.

“Nat, I know you’re awake.”

Nat groans, pretending to awaken. She is forever committed to her shitty acting. Travis huffs in laughter.

“What do you need, Trav?” she asks, although her voice wavers and her body is still shaking. Travis frowns and sighs.

“We have to talk about it, Nat.”

Nat tenses further.

“We don’t.”

“Yes, we do. Don’t you want a plan for what you say to Lottie?”

“That’s if she’ll even have me after my little stunt,” Nat mutters, and Travis pinches her. She flies up from her place on her lap and punches Travis in the shoulder a bit harsher than intended.

“Dude! Ow!”

“Stop acting like your concerns and wants aren't important! The last time I checked, your relationship with Lottie has two people in it. It’s not all about her!”

Nat glares, although she knows Travis is right.

“Seriously, dude, if she’s an asshole about something as insignificant as you not having sex, then she’s not worth it!”

“Don’t talk about her like that. She’s not…she’s not an asshole-”

“I know that! And you do, too. So stop thinking about everything that has gone wrong with other people, and focus on how you want to tell her!”

Nat sighs. She nods, tears stinging her eyes. Travis notices, looking for something to lighten up the mood that she’s created.

“... plus, she has a hand, right? She can, like, take care of it herself-”

“Shut the fuck up!” Nat laughs, her face flushing. She swats Travis repeatedly, the taller girl snickering at the red look Nat has to her.

“Okay! Okay, ow, okay! How are you gonna do this?”

Nat pauses, thinking deeply. The two spend the rest of the night brainstorming.

—

nat <3: can you meet me at the park near our place? the one that’s down the street.

read by lotts <3 at 4:32 AM.

message hearted by lotts <3 at 4:33 AM.

lotts <3: omw

—

Lottie almost didn’t check her phone when she was finally falling asleep, but something in her gut told her it was important. She was forever glad that she checked it, as, this time, it really was Nat.

She hurriedly pulled on a hoodie, grabbed Nat’s favorite sweater in case she didn’t have one, and waited in the cool night air at the park for a while, then rushed out the door. In her rush, she almost forgot her keys but quickly remembered that walking around the streets at four in the morning was perhaps not the greatest idea. Driving it was, then.

She clambered into her car, driving much faster than the speed limit to get to the park, which was rather unnecessary, as the park was only five minutes away.

Upon her arrival, she parked her car and stepped out into the chilly air. Shivering, she took out her phone’s flashlight and began looking around. Over on the swings, she saw a familiar head of shaggy blonde hair. Her heart fluttered in affection and anxiety. She walked over hastily, sitting in the swing beside Nat, who looked up upon hearing footsteps.

“Hey,” Nat breathed out. It would appear that she was wearing one of Travis’ jackets. Lottie fought back the jealousy creeping up inside of her.

“Hey,” she greeted, sounding unsure of herself. Nat still hadn’t looked at her yet. It filled Lottie with undeniable dread. She began to stutter another apology, hoping to show Nat it was a mistake. The shorter girl cut her off before she had the chance, however.

“I-”

“Wait. I have something to tell you.”

Lottie opened and closed her mouth a few times. She nodded simply before remembering that Nat couldn’t see her, as she was still avoiding looking directly at Lottie.

“Okay,” Lottie eventually said, sounding confused but urging her girlfriend to go on.

“I…I got scared. And I ran.”

“You did,” Lottie agreed, although her tone was nowhere near angered or upset. Instead, it was simply full of concern and care.

“Sex is like that for me. I…I don’t like it. It just makes me feel…scared. And small. And, like, I’m going to be sick.”

Lottie stared at her girlfriend, somewhat surprised. This was the first time she had heard anything about any of this. Usually, Nat didn’t understand her advances or would tell her she wasn’t ready when the conversation came up.

“I’m asexual, Lottie. I don’t like sex, and I never will,” Nat sniffled, and it was now that Lottie realized that she wasn’t looking at her because she was ashamed and had been crying.

“Nat-”

“I understand if…if that's a dealbreaker,” Nat started, “I just hope I can still be in your life, and-”

“Nat, hey, look at me?” Lottie asked, trying to coax her love into listening to her. Nat paused, slowly looking up and glancing at Lottie. She was smiling at Nat, which, okay, being honest? Nat didn't expect that, but it was a welcome surprise. Lottie extended her hand towards Nat, who carefully interlocked their fingers. Lottie gently circled her thumb over Nat’s, bringing the blonde’s knuckles to her face so she could kiss them.

“I love you,” Lottie started. Nat was preparing for the ‘but…’ statement, yet it never came.

Lottie placed a gentle kiss on Nat’s hand once more.

“I love you because you’re you, not in spite of it. I love how sweet and caring you are. I love how funny you are. I love everything about you, even the things I don’t know yet. I love you for so much more than your body, my love. I’m sorry I ever made you feel like this would be a reason for me to leave you,” Lottie passionately stated, staring into Nat’s eyes during the whole speech.

“I-”

“I love you. And that’s not going to change, alright?”

Nat nodded slowly, tears leaking from her eyes. She kicked her feet awkwardly while holding onto Lottie’s hand. They stayed like this for a while before Nat spoke again.

“It…it wasn’t you. Not really. I just…I’ve tried to tell other partners this before, and it's never gone well…”

Lottie looks at her sadly, surprise written all over her face. She suddenly stands from her swing, almost pulling Nat over. She sends her an apologetic smile and steps in front of her. Gently, she pulls Nat towards her, and Nat obliges, getting off the set. Lottie quickly hugs Nat while they both stand, gently kissing the crown of her head.

“Their loss,” she mumbled, peppering kisses over Nat’s face, and Nat could swear she would cry again. Eventually, Lottie leads her to the car, offering to drive her back to their apartment if she’s ready. Nat agrees, although first she declares she has something to do. She walks back to the playset and knocks three times on the slide. Travis slides down and out of it, hair mussed from the static inside of the plastic tube.

“Wha-”

“Travis is the only other one who knows,” Nat explains. She drove me here to tell you, but, uhm, she didn't wanna leave me alone at the park this late or, uh, early in the morning.”

Lottie nodded slowly. Travis waved at her with a faint smile and misty eyes. It's clear she’d heard everything and was extremely happy for her friend. She’s about to leave when Lottie remembers the jacket.

“Oh, wait!”

Travis turns to look at her, confused. Lottie rushes to her car and grabs Nat’s sweater, handing it to the blonde.

“Here. I brought it in case you didn't have a jacket.”

Nat gratefully accepts, handing Travis’ jacket back to the taller girl. Nat starts walking towards the car. Before Travis can leave, Lottie grabs her by the wrist.

“Thank you,” she says, “For being there for my love.”

With a smile and a nod, Lottie walks back to her car. While they both buckle, a comfortable silence falls upon them. They are exhausted, and when they get home, they collapse onto their shared bed and spend the rest of the night wrapped in one another’s embrace. Before they fall asleep, however, Nat shares what's been on her mind lately.

“Lotts?” She asks, and Lottie hums in acknowledgment. She’s threading her fingers through Nat’s hair, and Nat’s so comfortable she could fall asleep, but she has one last thing to discuss.

“How am I gonna tell everyone else?”

“...do you want to?”

Nat pauses, thinking.

“Yes. I just don’t want it to get to a point where something bad happens, and I run again.”

Lottie nods thoughtfully at that.

“How about tomorrow? Can you send a simple text to everyone? It doesn’t have to be anything grand, just informative.”

“Won’t it seem a little out of nowhere, though?”

“Not to Shauna, Jackie, Tai, and Van. I sorta panic texted them when you left.”

Nat’s heart drops.

“What did you tell them?”

“Just that I was worried I had scared you—nothing more, promise. I would never share anything you didn't want me to.”

Nat exhales, relieved. She buries her face in Lottie’s neck and kisses it softly.

“Why just them?” she asked, curiosity peaked now that she didn't have to worry about being outed.

“Well, I doubt Laura Lee would want to know about her friends’ sex lives, and Misty is just…Misty. She’s great; she just might accidentally slip up and mention something that would embarrass the both of us.”

“True,” Nat laughs, her eyelids growing heavier by the second. They fall back into a comfortable silence before Nat eventually hears a silent snore from Lottie. She chuckles to herself, closing her eyes and snuggling closer to Lottie.

“Goodnight, Lotts.”

—

BONUS

—

the girls that are gays & theys

8:07 AM

natalat: hey

natalat: i wanted to tell u guys something

laura lee!!: Good morning, Natalie! What’s on your mind? :^)

mist!!: Morning!!

natalat: i know everyone else is probably asleep, but i just wanted to tell u all that im ace

natalat: asexual

message hearted by laura lee!! and mist!! at 8:08 AM.

natalat: no sex

natalat: sex bad

natalat: i told lottie last night

natalat: and i just wanted to tell u all

natalat: because ur important to me or whatever

message hearted by laura lee!! at 8:09 AM.

laura lee!!: That’s wonderful, Natalie! Thank you for telling us!

mist!!: Cool! Glad you feel safe enough to tell us :D

2 messages hearted by natalat at 8:10 AM

9:12 AM

jax: OMG

jax: CONGRATSSSS

jax: HAPPY NO SEXING TO U

natalat: bro

jax: what!!

shaun uh: perhaps not the best way to say that, jax.

shaun uh: anyways, good for you, nat :]

tai: Jackie.

jax: cmonnnn it was funny!

natalat: i actually agree for once

tai: Anyways

tai: We’re all very happy for you, Nat.

natalat: thanks, guys :P

vanvan: guys it's so early what are you all yapping about!!!

natalat: my sexuality, or lack thereof

vanvan: huh

vanvan: ok read through the messages so i get it now YAYYYYY NAT

vanvan: love you loser !!!

natalat: you’re the loser here, palmer

natalat: love u too tho <3

—

as always, reblogs and comments are much appreciated!! take care my lovelies <3

[aroace-ventplace]

I'm seriously wondering if I'm aroace, and the thought terrifies me. I'm scared of being alone forever. Because I want a connection like romance, but something just icks me about romance itself. Sex is definitely off the table, but I'm also wondering if that's partly because of the fact that I'm trans and don't feel comfortable in this body. But being aro scares me even more because I don't want to be alone forever, and I just. Don't know what to think.

the feeling you're describing, of desiring romance in theory but not in practice, is a sentiment i've seen a lot in aspec spaces. sorting out those personal questions of "is finding a romantic partner a genuine desire of mine, or just an echo of what society says i should do? what actually appeals to me about the concept of partnering, and how would that relationship need to look for me to get what i actually want out of it? how do i deal long-term with the fact that this world just isn't built for nonpartnering people?" has been difficult for many of us, and is a lifelong process for some people. i don't have any easy answers for you; all i can do is say that many, many people also struggle with the things you've described. personally, i'm now at the point where i see my aromanticism as something to be celebrated rather than dreaded - we're all outsiders in a world made for two, and that's metal as hell <2

non-graphic discussion of sex and dysphoria under the cut, just in case people want to avoid it:

i'm a trans man with pretty severe all-around dysphoria - top, bottom, height, voice, you name it. i've been transitioning for three years and i've been dysphoric for many more. the way my dysphoria intersects with my asexuality and aromanticism is nebulous at best: there's definitely a connection, but it's very hard to determine exactly how far it goes. here's some questions i've asked myself:

am i uncomfortable with romantic relationships because i'm afraid the other person will view and treat me like a girl? (yes - but when i think about being in a relationship as a man, or any other gender, i still feel repulsed by the idea.)

am i uncomfortable with the idea of having sex because i'm uncomfortable with my own genitalia? (yes - but when i think about theoretically getting bottom surgery and having sex, i still feel repulsed: relatively less so, but still very strongly repulsed.)

would my discomfort be resolved if i were to be in a t4t relationship, where i know the other person sees me as my preferred gender? (well... i would feel more comfortable, but i don't think it would resolve that fundamental repulsion. even when i'm around other trans people, i can usually tell that my relationship to sex and romance is not the same as theirs.)

transitioning changes some people's relationship to sex, and doesn't change others - "t will make you horny and gay" is a pretty common half-joking anecdote among transmascs, and transfems have anecdotes about estrogen/progesterone doing the exact opposite for them. personally speaking... nope, i didn't turn horny and gay! well, mostly. my libido did increase, but in practical terms, it's had no impact on my orientation; i consider myself just as aroace as i was 10 years ago. what i'm getting at here is that it's different for everybody - transness and transition can affect sexuality in complicated ways, but there's never any guarantee that your experience will be the same as anybody else's. whatever your personal relationship to dysphoria, transition, and sexuality is, i hope you can eventually reach a point where you feel comfortable with yourself!

[arabriddler]

( Set after they met at the first time at the back of the Batmobile while being taken to Arkham. )

part 1

Oswald knows Edward could break out of Arkham in a day if he wanted to. It would be easy for him, and his tooth-gap and dimpled smile would be front and center on The Gotham Gazette, but he’s still here, a week later, because Oswald made him. 

Oswald was… smart, resourceful. He can make people do whatever he wants. He’s smart like that, and what he needed to overtake Gotham was this smart guy whose intricate mind can shake the ground. Edward was smart, smart in the way that his brain overpowers him. It’s all over his place, he’s a mess, a tornado, and Oswald knows how to … control him, gather up all these pieces and guide them. No one understood how powerful a tool Edward Nygma is, except him.

It was easy to control Edward. First of all, the man had deep hunger for riddles, for mysteries. Oswald needed him drawn to him, make himself the mystery. Give him little pieces of information just to hook his thoughts. Like a fish, and it worked like a charm, Edward grew obsessed with him.

Then came, love. Oswald knows from his experience how powerful love is, and how weak it can make you. It’s a double edged sword he knew how to use. Edward wasn’t just obsessed with him, he was enamored. A love sick puppy right at his feet. Oswald fed that love, a little crease of the cheek, a lingering gaze, plenty of praise, and some strictness. Edward needed control, it’s another thing he hungered for, and Oswald gave him just that. Ordered him around subtly, praised him plenty. 

It was all perfect, all according to plan, but Edward didn’t fail to surprise him. they’d often stay up late talking and talking. Oswald never had such an intellectual conversation with anyone else, and he enjoyed it. Edward wasn’t bad company. The most surprising thing happened when Oswald offered … ‘physical’ services. He didn’t like them, never did, but he was familiar enough with the idea. It’s alright he’s black out during it and then forget all about it, wash his skin over and over. It was a tool, just like everything else. *

Except, Ed refused, firmly. Oswald understood that his looks aren’t… desirable, but he can be convincing. Yet, Ed was firm. 

“ This is going too fast. I need time.” **

Which…  Oswald didn’t mind that, it was a relief, and they settled to cuddle in bed, helping each other through nightmares and anxiety. 

(next part)

notes:

* -> he doesn’t realize it yet, but he’s asexual. He thought his… sex-repulsion due to it never being meaningful, never being true or born out of love. When he’s in an actual relationship he’d be able to think about that, realize that he still doesn’t like it. Whether it’s because he always associated it with survival or just simple repulsion, he doesn’t know, but doesn’t change the fact that he’s asexual. ** -> Ed is demisexual. He doesn’t feel comfortable performing sex unless he built a strong relationship first. His relationship with Oswald is still new, overwhelming and fresh. He’s got lots to build up.

[goodluckclove]

tw for drugs and sex mentions

yo clove not writing related but do you think it's normal to have not tried recreational drugs by 15 and not particularly want to find them? I've seen people making fun of people for it, along with not having sex which is also concerning to me as a sex-repulsed aroace person (caedosexual and demialterous/aroflux). I'm really anxious about stuff like this so I'd love ur opinion if you're comfortable answering stuff like this, I trust you a lot and you seem like a smart and knowledgeable adult so if you say it's fine I'll probably stop worrying

Hey man if you want to get real let's get real. I won't get too descriptive, but I do agree some people may need the tw so I'll put this under a Read More. Generally my answer is that younger people have a warped view of what warrants maturity and adulthood and a lot of the stuff that they think represents being a Cool Grown Up is actually not meant to be that profoundly world-changing in my opinion. This is especially true for all the stuff that is designed to spike your dopamine, unless in cases where it's being used medicinally (and even then it's case-by-case on if it's really medicinal).

Let's get into it!

So first off let me say the three big things that make me kind of biased to talk about stuff like this.

I am an alloromantic, sex-repulsed asexual

I am an addict

I am a child of addicts

I'll tackle sex first just to get it out of the way, and because I think it'll be easier to answer. Teenagers are one of the most brutal species on the goddamned planet (second only to middle schoolers and that sludge in Chernobyl that kills you immediately if you look at it), and I know for a fact they'll find a way to make fun of you for anything. I didn't know I was asexual in high school. I was an out lesbian at the time - I actually came out on our school broadcast for a GSA ad that ended up playing at least twice a month all year. People were more...too into it, which is also bad.

Mean Teens might say some dumb shit. That sucks, but you'll live. There will be way more Mean Teens that have an opinion on your sex life than there will be Asshole Adults. Like way more. I am open about being an asexual marriage and the worst I get is like "what if you want kids" which - you know - you can shut that down quick.

What matters is what you think about yourself, and the cool truth is that if you go through your whole life never wanting to have sex your life will be very close to unchanged in the grand scheme of things. I'll probably never want to eat a whole olive, and Riley thinks that's crazy because they love olives. But we will both see the same amount of sunsets and cool birds, and we were both eat roughly the amount of yummy snacks and have the same amount of adventures.

I've had sex. Ladies. No, seriously though - it's fine. It's okay. I remember yearning for it for years (I was actually wanting intimacy oops), and when it finally happened I was like oh. that's it? okay. There was a point when my girlfriend at the time actually entered me and I was immediately confused because I had no idea what she was trying to do. I remember I furrowed my brow like I was trying to understand Improv Jazz.

I laughed. i did laugh. That is not great for two people having sex for the first time.

Anyways, I had a few sexual partners and just kind of assumed they were all bad at sex or I was doing something wrong for some reason. Then I met Riley and they were openly ace, and something just clicked in me. I'm still aesthetically and sensually attracted to them (I use sensually in terms that aren't sexual), but there's really no pressure there and we aren't worried about it. And it's awesome.

If someone makes you feel weird about not having sex or a romantic attraction to people then you should feel a little bad for them, because that seems like a thing that a person would only do if they had very little else going on in their lives. That's some bland-ass khaki shit.

Onto intoxicants! So before I moved to Portland I lived in San Jose, California, and shortly after weed was legalized my parents had me start smoking with them - I was 18 - and I ended up being heavily addicted for about three years. This is a divisive thing to say because I know there's some argument about whether or not weed can even be addictive. Let me just say right now, I'm not about to have that argument. I detoxed for about three weeks and I genuinely thought I was dying. Like, I said my "last words" to my mother when she came to check on me. It was rough.

I am not anti-weed. I know it can be an amazing tool for people with certain medical conditions. And if you don't have a history of addiction, it's probably fine to smoke a bowl or a joint every so often and just have that be the end of it. I mean, it's so easy to find now.

Weed is fun, though. That's kind of the reason why it developed it's own culture and persona. The same can be said with alcohol. People definitely have opinions on IPAs. But if someone is so invested in what is essentially little more than an economic industry, that they feel the need to judge you for - spending your money on other stuff? That's piss wizard shit.

Weed is fun, yes, but it is expensive. If someone says they have cheap weed it's probably shit and you need to smoke a lot, or they got it through means that aren't great. And going out to bars also gets costly quick. I still go sometimes, but I limit myself to one fun cocktail.

You can also still go to bars if you want - when you're older, I mean. They can be a good place to meet people and see shows. A lot of them have cool non-alcoholic options - I like when there's a kombucha on tap - or they even have mocktails that are still cool mixed drinks with no alcohol. But they all have Coke or whatever.

There's literally a bar by my house that I go to and I only order the French fries and a Coke. Nobody cares. Getting drunk can be fun if you're in the right situation, but I don't consider it worth the hangover. Getting high can also be fun in the right situation, but edibles taste like trash and if you smoke you're essentially a smoker and that's it's own stigma. What's the alternative - vaping?

Oh my god, vaping? Come on. I have friends that vape and you know how many of them only do it because they're addicted? All of them. Shit sucks. I don't judge them, but I can see them cringe every time they have to hit it.

Also don't let people talk to you about that Delta-8/9 shit. Yeah, it's stronger. Yeah, it's unregulated. But like - it's unregulated and we have no goddamned clue what it'll do in the long run.

Getting high is fun because you don't have to exist in the world for a while and that's great, but it ultimately doesn't solve anything. When I'd smoke a bunch of weed and sativa alone in my bedroom (Hey don't do that! Bad idea! Really bad! My parents knew I was doing this and they allowed it because they are bad people!), I'd giggle and fuck around and eat a lot of snacks, but the next morning all the shit I was trying to escape was still there. Only difference was that now I had to go out and drop another 60 bucks on an eighth to get me through the next two weeks.

A lot of people want to have sex and get drunk or high so they can think of something else other than their current situation for like fifteen minutes to six hours. if you don't want to do either of that, and you're not going absolutely insane, that seems pretty cool. I can cite all the studies that say that a lot of that kind of stuff can actually stunt your development if you get into it too early (Or at all, really), but you don't need me to do that. You know that's the case. I knew that and I still OD'd on weed twice before the age of 21.

You're good, man. It's not a culture when you do that this young, it's a coping skill. And if you found a different one that's going to be way better for you in the long run. You can still have fun and make friends, you can even still have a partner in life if you find that's something you want. Your life is might seem limited in a few ways - but it's actually far more open in many, many other ones.

I don't mind questions like these all, by the way. Thanks for trusting me!

[genderqueerdykes]

can we get some positivity for sex repulsed ace trans girls who are so tired of seeing thirst posts on our dash and feeling out of place with more sexually open queer friends

absolutely!

it's okay and good to be sex repulsed and ace if you're a trans girl. there's so much more to you than just what your body has to offer. you are a complex person who deserves to share the company of people who want to spend time with you in ways that you enjoy, and feel comfortable with. you walk a very unique path in life, which can lead to a lot of interesting experiences and stories, and people owe it to themselves to take the time and listen to them and respect who you are and how you've gotten to where you at now

just like any other type of girl, you deserve to be seen as a person outside of your body. you do not have to be viewed sexually if you do not want to, even though society loves to make women feel obligated to be sexy. there are many ways to be a woman, and sexuality is an optional part of all of those. there are so many aspects of your personality and life that deserve attention

to the trans girls who were ace before they started transitioning, to the girls who lost their libido or genital functioning & find asexuality more comfortable after starting HRT, to the girls with erectile dysfunction, to the girls who just don't like being viewed that way, to the girls who have other things in life that bring them joy, to the neurodivergent girls who don't know if they understand those feelings, to the girls with trauma and PTSD who can't think about it or don't want to, to the girls with anxiety, to the girls who just wanna be seen as a person first, you are loved, and you are amazing

while it's okay and in fact very good to be attracted to trans women, it's also extremely important to respect the needs of sex repulsed & ace trans girls who don't want to have those kinds of thoughts applied to them. all trans girls are worth your time and respect. we deserve to be cared for on a personal level

hope that helps a little bit, i know things can get raunchy on this site, lol. stay safe out there!

[yourlakebed]

okay, I'm a little bit scared to post this, but I think I finally have the right words to write a concise and clear post about my thoughts on asexuality (although the topic is still complicated).

upd: well, at least it was planned as concise...

let's start with what a huge number of people stumble over. if we put the term 'sex-repulsed' into google, the first article on the link will tell us that:

"'sex-repulsed' typically refers to people on the asexual spectrum who experience some form of sex repulsion. Some ace-spec or a-spec individuals may be repulsed by the idea of sexual activity or any sexual situation.

The term indicates that a-spec person experiences sex repulsion meaning they find sexual activity disgusting or repulsive. Some people are repulsed by the thought of engaging in sex altogether, while others may be disgusted by some sexual activity but not all.."

though it is not entirely wrong, articles like these that make a direct correlation between aversion to sex and asexuality do a lot of damage to the perception of asexuality. cause what if I told you that asexuality is not an umbrella term for "people who don't have sex/who hate sex"?

asexuality is about the absence of sexual attraction. it's not even about a lack of libido - there are a huge number of asexual people with a high libido. i.e., we can't even say it's about "people who don't want sex." no, because

it's as simple as that - it's about people who do not feel sexual attraction.

It took me a long time to explain how exactly this works even to myself and now, it seems, I finally got it (the final straw was actually Good Omens, with its incredible representation of asexual characters (yes, I'm talking about Azi and Crowley, and no, I'm not in any way dissing other headcanons for labeling them differently, and even more so - I don't see why these headcanons have to clash)).

so I came up with pretty simple example - comparison to food/hunger. it may be a dangerous one because sex, unlike food, is not a "basic human need", [despite the claims of some men who justify sexual violence by referring to their "basic need for sex/reproduction🤡"].

but anyway, this is how this food analogy works:

imagine you're a creature that doesn't need to eat at all. therefore you never feel hungry - you simply do not have such a function as being hungry. you were made that way. you can try food if you're interested or you can not. let's say you tried it, but it was.. well, it was okay, but not that you would do that every day. and suddenly you tried pancakes with raspberry jam, and you really liked them, and now you eat pancakes because you like the taste. and you think, "well, if I liked the pancakes so much, then maybe I'll search and find another one"...

and so your journey continues, and sometimes you find some new "dishes" that you like... or maybe you don't find them and move on. that, my friends, what asexuality is like!

I have asexual friends who love bdsm and are into the kink culture, because for them it is like a delicacy or some exotic dish. there are friends who simply don't care and don't want to try anything. I have friends who are curious and plan on trying to find their "raspberry jam pancakes". there are those who long ago found their comfortable "dish" and eat only that one. there are those who like the way one particular person cooks, and like the smell when you sit and watch that person cook, and like the very fact that that person cooks for you.

and people who are disgusted by sex, or even the very idea of ​​it (sex-repulsed people) are most often people who have a certain trauma that has nothing to do with asexuality. and the combination of these two terms standing beside each other creates a terrible stigma around asexuality.

I am infinitely grateful to everyone who read this, because this is a very important topic for me personally🖤🤍💜

[aroaceconfessions]

Having friends that are ace/aro like you can be an incredibly reassuring experience, but I think nothing beats being out to other queer friends and watching the ways they can be supportive of your identity. My best friend is bi, and he's a very openly horny person, and while to most people that seems like it would clash awfully with me being a sex repulsed asexual most of the time, i think its very sweet that we find comfort in each other. He respects my boundaries at times where not even I am thinking about it, and he makes little jokes about how theres other types of attraction besides sexual whenever i start doubting my identity. The fact that he remembers my identity at all when Ive only mentioned it in passing makes me happier than I can express through words. Besides my sister, he was the only other person hyping me up when I got my aroace flag in the mail. Too bad he lives in another continent, or i would go over to his house to annoy him on a daily basis

Submitted July 6, 2023

[enbyleighlines]

Ikesoren 18 and 20

Oooooh, a couple of spicy questions! I’m going to put them under a readmore, for anyone uncomfortable with risqué subject matter

18. Do they ever engage in PDA, and if so, to what extent?

Very rarely! Ike and Soren are both very private individuals, nor do they like drawing attention onto themselves. The most they might do is brief, platonic touches, such as Ike patting Soren on the shoulder, or Soren nudging Ike to get his attention. In fact, that probably doesn’t even qualify as PDA to most people. But for Ike and Soren, it absolutely does.

On even rarer occasions, if they think they’re completely alone, Ike might sneak a quick kiss. The thrill of maybe getting caught excites Ike. But Soren would be mortified if that were actually the case.

The only time I can see them engaging in proper PDA would be if Soren was tipsy. I can see him as a very clingy drunk, clutching onto Ike’s arm like a koala, and or even just tucking himself underneath Ike’s arm so he can leech off of his big boyfriend’s body heat. He’s terribly touch-starved, and I think that since he normally suppresses that part of him, it would come out full force if his inhibitions were ever lowered.

20. What is their dynamic like in the bedroom?

Oooh, where to begin…

I could probably go into way too much detail about their dynamics in the bedroom, but I’ll try to keep things as succinct as possible.

First off, I hc Ike as being on the ace spectrum, and while most of the time he is sex-neutral, at times he will vacillate to one of the other ends of the spectrum. In other words, he can be super into sex, or he can be vaguely repulsed by it.

Soren, on the other hand, is not on the asexual spectrum, and he has a fairly average libido for a young man of his age. So when it comes to initiating bedroom activities, Soren tends to take the lead.

(This does take a while, though. Soren is not initially comfortable expressing his needs and desires.)

During the actual deed, Soren relies on Ike to take the lead. While Ike would be happy as either the dominant or submissive partner, Soren is more set in his preferences. And his preference is that he wants to submit to Ike.

In terms of modern terminology, Soren tends to vacillate between a service sub and a power bottom, depending on where his confidence level is at. Whereas Ike is mostly a service top.

And yes, they do occasionally disagree over who gets to service the other first.

So it’s somewhat of an odd dynamic, in which Soren expects Ike to lead, but Ike also relies on Soren to tell him what he wants. However, it works for them. Both of them are getting what they want: Ike wants to make Soren feel good, and Soren wants to feel like he belongs to Ike.

Thanks for the ask!! I really appreciate it.

[shinagawa-division]

Happy Pride Month!

Happy Pride Month! Be safe and have fun celebrating! You matter and who you love and who/what you identify matters too, you are completely and wholeheartedly valid. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💖

In celebration, I decided to redo the romantic and sexual orientation of CodeX! I had to do quite bit of soul searching and research but I finally feel like this is the most accurate results I could come up with. Enjoy!

— Ritsuko

Aromantic Asexual (Sex-Repulsed)

Again, not much to say, things have not changed for Ritsuko regarding romantic and sexual orientation, she still doesn’t have an interest in romantic relationships (even finds them time consuming and boring) and has not changed her mind about sex aside from finding it completely useless outside of reproduction purposes, she is completely fine with her orientation and will confirm to be so.

However, during her younger years, she was a bit more open with herself and was willing to try it out just to see how it feels and to actually say that she does indeed have the experience. She had only slept with one person though, an odd fellow with pink hair and the most vibrant red eyes, she didn’t knew his name at the time but there was something about him that made the thought of sleeping with him not completely revolting. The one night would go on to change her life significantly and was the catalyst of what would become her three most treasured projects.

— Miho

Biromantic Demisexual

There has not been a significant change to Miho’s orientation aside from the fact that she leans even more towards men when thinking about a potential partner whether that be for a relationship or sex, however, that’s not to say that she doesn’t appreciate women and what they can provide in a relationship, but if she had to choose, she’d go with a man.

However, in her teenage years, Miho used to experiment with her sexuality, mainly as a form of rebellion against her parents. She even had a secret girlfriend for a while before her parents found out and forced her to break it off. Nowadays, Miho doesn’t think about sex all that much, she’s much too busy growing her ever rising business empire and ensuring her family’s legacy, she’d need to know the person for a long time and knows for absolute sure that she can trust them with her intimate side.

— Sumire

Panromantic Asexual (Sex-Positive)

In the past, despite having a clue on what she felt comfortable with, Sumire still had her doubts but now she’s completely sure that a person’s gender doesn’t matter to her in terms of pursuing a relationship as long as a genuine connection can be formed and she absolutely knows that she loves them and that they love her for her. That’s the main thing, if someone can look past “The Anarchist” and see and love “Sumire Shinomiya” then you’ve completely got her hooked.

Sumire did not think much of sex before and even know it’s still not a huge priority to her but recently she’s gotten more comfortable and receptive to the idea, she’s gained a more positive view on sex and is more than open to try it if her partner was interested. Though she’s still getting used to touch and intimacy so she’d like it if they would talk it through first and go at her pace.

Of course, the only person she’d want to do all the aforementioned stuff with is Jiro Yamada of Ikebukuro. Sumire is completely in love and devoted to him and strives to be a better girlfriend with each day so the thought of being with anyone else just does not compute with her, if not outright disgusts her completely.