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makeste · 3 years

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BnHA 323: “I Don’t Know How to Explain to You That You Should Care About Other People”

Previously on BnHA: Kacchan was all, “Izuku, I’m sorry.” Bakugou Stans were all, “[sobs for a week straight and tearfully awards him the Nobel Prize for character development].” Deku was all, “[faints in Kacchan’s arms].” Iida was all, “[trying to decide if Ochako genuinely tried to kill him a few minutes ago].” Horikoshi was all, “NO TIME FOR HUGS WE MUST GET BACK TO UA.” The civilians holed up at U.A. were all, “WE TOOK A VOTE AND DECIDED THAT WE’RE ALL GOING TO BE JERKS ABOUT THIS AND MAKE A BIG FUSS ABOUT YOU LETTING DEKU BACK INTO THE SCHOOL.” Deku was all “[stands there looking like he expected nothing less and breaking my heart more and more with each passing moment].” Ochako was all, “that does it, looks like I’m gonna have to do something about this... next chapter, that is.”

Today on BnHA: Flashback!Rat Principal is all “I just want you all to know that I spent nine million dollars turning U.A. into a giant Battleship-style grid that can burrow underground and zoom around in a giant subway maze because Horikoshi lacks a grounded understanding of both civil engineering and economics.” Back in the present day, Jeanist is all, “EVERYONE TAKE HEED, MY COMRADES AND I HAVE DEEMED IT EXPEDIENT TO CONVEY THIS AUSPICIOUS YOUTH BACK TO THIS STRONGHOLD. WE ANTICIPATE THAT WE MAY DEPEND UPON YOUR GOODWILL AND ACQUIESCENCE TO THESE TERMS.” The civilians were all, “NO.” Ochako was all, “EMPATHY, MOTHERFUCKERS, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!” The civilians were all, “oh shit.” Anyway so Ochako is a giant badass, but I’m a little worried that she’s going to get struck by lightning. Please come down from there.

so before we start this chapter, I would just like to apologize for having not posted the ch 321 recap yet, and would like to reassure everyone, and especially Iida who is staring at me with Sad Wobbly Guilt Trip Eyes, that I will get to that as soon as I can

OMG FLASHBACK??

yes please Horikoshi please show us more of class 1-A and their Deku intervention strategy jam sessions

oh dear

Iida you are too pure and good for this cruel world. [sprays the U.A. civilians with a water bottle] NO. BAD CIVILIANS! NO OSTRACIZING SCARED AND EXHAUSTED CHILDREN IN THE HOUSE

EXCUSE ME RAT PRINCIPAL WHAT’S WITH THESE MIXED MESSAGES

???

RAT PRINCIPAL: he’s free to return to us at any time!!

ALSO RAT PRINCIPAL: but it’s too risky for him to return to us

?? ??????? ?????????????????????

so now he’s going on about how strong the U.A. Barrier is, and how it’s comparable to the defensive capabilities of Tartarus. this would have sounded a lot more impressive before chapter 297 lol

OH!!!! HELLO, WHAT’S THIS!!!

A TIMELY CALLBACK TO A CERTAIN MYSTERIOUS EVENT WHICH HASN’T BEEN REFERENCED SINCE USJ? [U.A. TRAITOR MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

so now Rat Principal says he upgraded U.A.’s security systems with his own “modifications”, whatever the fuck that means. I mean look, I’ve been saying for a long time now that U.A. is the best place for everyone to hole up, don’t get me wrong. but that was mostly on account of there not being any other practical alternatives. but you’re making it sound like you figured out a way to actually make it Decay-proof or some wild shit like that

-- hold up, DID YOU ADD A FORCE FIELD. DID YOU TRICK THIS SCHOOL OUT WAKANDA-STYLE YOU CRAZY MARSUPIAL. HOLY SHIT. because that would actually be perfect

LMAO

WHAT KIND OF GALAXY BRAIN BULLSHIT. “NAH THERE’S NO NEED FOR A FORCE FIELD, LET’S JUST PUT WHEELS ON IT”

oh okay so the whole campus is basically capable of burrowing itself underground. that’s insane lol I wonder how they pulled that off. probably got poor Cementoss working overtime

blah blah blah so basically the entire campus is split into a grid and each section of the grid is capable of its own independent movement. lol this is just the Merone Base from KHR. you thought no one would notice this casual plagiarism ten years after the fact, but YOU UNDERESTIMATED YOUR AUDIENCE, HORIKOSHI

“joke’s on you imma just lampshade it” WELL ALL RIGHT THEN

“look at me I’m so fucking self-aware” fucking swear to god. I can’t believe this man is my favorite mangaka of all time smdh

“excuse me, I wasn’t finished describing all the rest of this bullshit yet,” Rat Principal breaks in impatiently. “we also added a steel wall all around the underground of the campus that’s 3000 steel plates thick. that’s fifteen fucking meters of solid fucking steel just fyi. and if anyone fucks around with any part of it the defense system will activate immediately! and also all of the plates are independently motorized, whatever the fuck that means!! in conclusion you’re gonna need a fucking tower crane to suspend all of your disbelief by the time I’m through with this paragraph”

“also Shiketsu is almost as reinforced as U.A. but not quite because we still had to make sure we were better.” but of course. and apparently the two schools are connected via a secret tunnel as Hagakure mentioned earlier

LSDKFJLSDKJFLK

“WAIT WHAT” LMAO YOU HEARD HIM, NOW INASA CAN VISIT YOU BOTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE WEIRD DREAM HE HAD. GOD BLESS YOU HORIKOSHI

(ETA: moment of appreciation for Shouto and Katsuki having the same thought at the same time and making Knowing Eye Contact and saying the exact same thing out loud in perfect unison like the best friends they are. what a blessed day.)

so Tokoyami is all “but wait if you engineered all this shit all the way back during the Band arc how did you even know that Tomura’s quirk awakening would become a thing, Horikoshi -- uh, I mean, Principal Nezu”

and Rat Principal is all “lol idk”

“basically I just woke up one morning and was all ‘say, you know what this school really needs? a fifteen-meter-thick underground steel wall, and the ability to break up into little pieces that individually zoom around wherever the fuck they want.’ jesus christ. lol if money and common sense were apparently no obstacle why didn’t you just teleport U.A. to the fucking moon or something. maybe I should shut up before I given him any ideas

dsfaelkjldkjgl

you heard it here first, folks, all of this cost a grand total of nine million U.S. dollars. well technically it cost “more than” nine million dollars. never has that distinction been more important lmao. are we sure this barrier was really made of steel and not cardboard? who the hell sold it to them, Ea-Nasir??

this is my favorite manga series of all time. yes I am ashamed

“in conclusion please do your best to reach Deku-kun” SO WHAT WAS ALL THAT NONSENSE ABOUT IT BEING TOO RISKY THEN. anyway thank you for this super informative and edifying flashback, Horikoshi. I will cherish it always. I don’t even want to read another translation of this absurdity lmao, there’s something special about it just the way it is. pretty sure Horikoshi just had a cracked out fever dream one night and transferred it to the pages of the manga verbatim

anyway so back to the unruly mob

not their finest moment. please excuse me while I cover poor Deku’s ears and give him a good shoosh pap

oh wow the parents are out here too

is Mitsuki trying to hold Inko back?? that’s the last thing this fandom needs right now is more Mitsuki discourse fffwlkjs. and even Jiroudad, scientifically proven to be the best dad in all of BnHA, is just standing there silently looking vaguely unhappy. way to rise to the moment you guys

MONOMA

so this settles it for me that Aizawa is not at UA. I know a lot of people have been wondering about his whereabouts, and if I had to wager a guess it would be that something happened with Shirakumo/Kurogiri. I can’t think of anything else -- even the loss of an eye and a limb -- that would keep him from his kids at a time like this

anyway but this is excellent Monoma content right here though. I love that he apparently adopted Eri after a single interaction with her. also WHERE IS SHINSOU DAMMIT. THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW

and Kouta’s there too looking like he wants to run over to Deku but Ragdoll won’t let him :/

it’s gotta be pretty upsetting for him to see his hero like this and not having anyone stand up for him. [taps megaphone] IS THIS THING ON. OKAY YEAH IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING. AHEM. PAGING URARAKA OCHAKO. GONNA NEED YOU TO GET OVER HERE ALREADY AND MAKE THAT BIG DRAMATIC SPEECH WHICH YOU ARE CLEARLY DYING TO MAKE. IF YOU DON’T DO IT SOON I’M GONNA HAVE TO STEP IN, AND YOU REALLY DON’T WANT ME TO DO THAT SINCE MY SPEECH WILL NOT BE VERY GOOD OR INSPIRING, AND WILL PROBABLY JUST CONSIST OF “HELLO, YOU ARE ALL STUPID, PLEASE SHUT UP AND GO AWAY”

so now Mic is telling them to calm down. at least someone’s speaking up here, geez

OH MY GOD

MY MAN JEANIST OUT HERE DOING WHAT HE DOES BEST: MAKING EVERYONE FEEL GUILTY AND JUDGED

OH MY GOD HE IS GIVING SUCH A LONG AND BORING SPEECH LMAO IS YOUR STRATEGY TO PUT THEM ALL TO SLEEP OR WHAT

truly in awe of this man’s ability to take messages which could easily be conveyed in ELI5-speak, and stubbornly convert them into incomprehensible language the likes of which you need a graduate degree in order to understand

“hey guys, so originally our plan was to use Deku as bait for the villains, but that didn’t really work and also we realized it was kinda dumb and was probably gonna get him killed, so we brought him back here instead.” was that really so hard, Jeanist. also are we all really just gonna sit back here and watch Jeanist take full credit for Bakugou’s plan just like that lmao

(ETA:

WHERE DID ENDEAVOR GO AND WHO IS THIS DIABOLICAL MASTER OF DISGUISE. lol I genuinely didn’t notice this because I was too busy digging through thesauruses trying to rewrite Jeanist’s speech; many thanks to @class1akids for pointing it out and making my day immeasurably better. take it easy there Dick Tracy.)

“anyway so please stop being dicks and let him fucking rest so he can save all your ungrateful asses” what an impassioned and inspiring plea. time to see if the masses will listen to reason

narrator: they did not listen to reason

oh my god finally Ochako is doing something. YEAH OCHAKO WOOOO SHOW THEM HOW IT’S DONE

hmm

this entire chapter is truly and utterly nonsensical to me lol

(ETA: on my second readthrough I’m fucking dying at how she stole the megaphone right out of Mic’s hand lmao. and how Kacchan is all “fuck yeah nothing I appreciate more than some quality fucking larceny.”)

oh I see she was jumping on top of the main building so as to scream down at them all more impressively

“ANYWAY DEKU IS PRETTY COOL ACTUALLY, YOU GUYS ARE JUST MEAN” couldn’t have said it better myself Ochako

lol uh

gotta say I did not have “Ochako reveals the secret of OFA to the entire U.A. Citizen Clown Parade” on my bingo card for this week. it’s a bold strategy cotton let’s see if it pays off

SDLFKJSL

“NO, SERIOUSLY, HAVE YOU LOOKED AT HIM YOU GUYS. YOU THINK HE LIKES RUNNING AROUND DRESSED LIKE A RUSTED OIL DRUM?? HE DID THAT FOR YOU YOU UNGRATEFUL SLOBS”

so she is basically explaining the entire Deku Angst arc to them and explaining what a good and selfless protagonist Deku is, YES, PREACH

OMG IT’S THE GIGANTIC FOX LADY

not to insinuate anything, but what exactly were you doing standing out here with the hysterical mob, Gigantic Fox Lady? you’re better than that

-- KACCHAN SIGHTING!!

sdlkfjl. thanks for weighing in with that helpful and important observation. where have you been for the last five minutes. were you asleep. was it Jeanist’s speech

never mind, now he’s yelling at the civilians so I instantly forgive him

THE FUTURE NUMBER ONE HERO, EVERYONE. THANK YOU, THANK YOU. HE’LL BE HERE ALL WEEK

“anyway so I’m just going to end the chapter here” lmao seventeen pages truly do go by so fast. at least he didn’t try to force in a cliffhanger at the end this time. dare I say, growth

so I guess the civilians are either gonna have a Kamino and/or Fukuoka-esque moment where they remember how to be decent people and apologize to this poor young man, or else they’ll remain unpersuaded, and so Kacchan will have to knock a few of their heads around until they become more inclined to be reasonable. either option is fine by me lol

#bnha 323 #uraraka ochako #rat principal #class 1-a #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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maddiviner · 4 years

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You all need to stop assuming that all pagan and magical spaces online are safe.

I think folks should stop posting long personal stories asking for advice on pagan forums, groups, and that sort of thing. Even Facebook groups. Especially Facebook groups, actually.

Don’t get me wrong. When I see these posts, nine times out of ten I want to help. I usually even try to help to the best of my ability. I’m not saying it’s “cringe” to post that kind of thing, or that it annoys me.

I’m just saying it’s not always safe, and you can save yourself a lot of trouble by just taking the same story to close friends privately and asking for advice, or seeing a therapist.

I realize not everyone has a good support network, but I do think posting about your problems in extreme detail online may well make those problems much, much worse.

It’s never good to bottle things up. I realize that. But talking to strangers who may be hostile can compound an existing situation very quickly. Often, you could end up wishing you’d just kept silent about it.

I’ve seen it happen over and over.

A girl on an empath group on Facebook posted a brief comment asking about how to cut ties with someone she has feelings for. She wanted to do this because she was married, and didn’t want to continue having feelings and betraying her partner.

This ended with a member of the group in question immediately going to the original poster’s profile and messaging everyone they could to “warn” them that the girl was “having an affair,” even though nothing in the post suggested that. I’m not sure what happened after that, but I hope it wasn’t too terrible for the girl.

Another person posted in another group that she was recovering from an abortion and wanted to know if there were any remedies to help her recover from what was a painful experience for her.

This ended with an anti-abortion witch hunting down her employer’s information and telling her boss that she’d had an abortion. Luckily, in that case, the person’s employer just ignored the messages, but it could have gone very differently.

Realize that not all witches or pagans are benevolent.

People will hurt others for spite, due to their petty hang ups, and just for no reason at all. If you dump a bunch of your personal information and problems online, you’re taking a big risk.

I’m not blaming anyone for posting that kind of thing, not saying they deserve it for making those kinds of posts. I’m only cautioning that it can be dangerous to post like that.

I wish people would be more careful. When these situations develop, I do my best online to be a positive influence, but all it really takes is a few bad apples.

You’ll find many groups, servers, forums, sites, whatever that seems to be full of cheerful, kind pagans, but there’s almost always a few snakes in the grass. Those snakes make all the difference, often in just a few short hours.

Please note again that I’m not saying these posts are annoying, “cringe,” or anything like that. I just worry about people who post them because it’s a huge risk they’ve taken.

Often, the risk is unnecessary.

I understand, of course, that folks will sometimes post about being in dire straits and link to a PayPal account or something. I’m 100% cool with that and have, in the past, helped boost or donate to that kind of thing.

Posts asking for financial help usually doesn’t end badly, and I don’t think it’s quite the same as completely spilling your guts about a sensitive situation. In that case, though, I still recommend people be careful.

And, another note? When you see these posts (the kind where people really spill their guts) realize that you de facto don’t know the entire situation. Any action you take will reflect your preconceptions much more than it will reflect the situation.

If someone’s asking for, say a cord-cutting spell, by all means, supply it. If someone needs help hexing their abuser, go for it. But don’t go digging and get unduly involved. Kind words go a long way.

Still, the situation is not yours to “fix” beyond offering advice.

If someone posts that, for example, their spouse is beating their child, yes, by all means contact CPS, and encourage the poster to do so as well. Similarly, teach people new spells to help themselves too, like a cord-cutting ritual to get rid of unwanted attraction.

But don’t insert yourself smack-dab into the middle when you’re definitely not aware of the whole story or who you might put at risk.

Part of the reason it’s risky to post these things rests in the fact that onlookers don’t know the whole situation. You might end up making yourself look really bad, even if you’ve not done anything wrong.

People will jump to the most convenient conclusion that reinforces their own beliefs. Or, someone might be having a bad day and just looking for a target. I’m not necessarily talking about a curse or hex target, but that can, of course, happen too.

Stay safe! Seek support, but don’t take unnecessary risks!

#witchblr #witch #witchcraft #magic #pagan #community #tw abortion #tw abuse #discourse #eliza.txt #facebook #drama

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turtleedovee · 3 years

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Life Has a Funny Way of Working Out

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Chapter 2

Word Count: 3,111

Warnings: Cursing, abuse, angst, small descriptions of blood and bruises, shouting, breaking things (that’s about it but if you guys have anything else i’ll gladly add it to the list)

A/N: this is my first bucky fic ahh! idk if i’ve ever posted any fanfics on this blog before which is crazy. i was thinking of making a side blog but whatever it works here. this is gonna be a series of sorts. maybe three chapters, 4? we’ll see. reader is a female and has powers oOoOoo. i’ll post this on AO3 as well so check out my account on there too! i’ll reblog this post with the ao3 link once i publish it on there if you wanna leave kudos or see my other work 👀but anyways i’m done talking, i hope you enjoy! (not my gif)

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!”

You sighed at your boyfriend’s anger and frustration, you didn’t blame him of course, you had just told him you wanted to break up.

“Please just calm down and let’s talk about this-” You tapped the table lightly, signaling him to just take a seat because he wouldn’t stop pacing back and forth.

“No, I’m not gonna sit down, what the hell? Why are you doing this to me?” He ran his hand down his face; you were really hoping this wouldn’t turn into some big thing but life has a funny way of working out.

“We talked about this. You are constantly complaining about me not being around enough because you just want to hang out with me, which is sweet of you, but after thinking about it, I am not what you need right now, I can’t be an attentive girlfriend right now and you know why.” You tried to reason with him but he was still standing up, all jittery. You really did think about this long and hard; he was always upset about you being away on missions constantly but you had warned him about that the first time you both went on a date.

“Yeah, yeah whatever you save the fucking world, then why did you decide to put me through this if you knew you weren’t gonna be around.” He accused you.

“Wow.” You were starting to get upset, standing up you started defending yourself. “I told you what we were in for if we started dating, you told me you didn’t care and wanted to be with me either way. So you knew this was going to be difficult, now I’m giving you an out. You can go be with someone who will be there for you alright? I can’t be that for you and I’m sorry.” He scoffed and turned away from you, after a couple of seconds of silence he turned around and looked at you in shock.

“Oh my god.”

You shook your head confused. “What?”

“You’ve been cheating on me.”

“What!?” Now it was your turn to shout. You could not believe how and where he drew his conclusion.

“No yeah, yeah!” He shouted as if he was trying to convince himself of this. “You constantly hang around this boy’s clubs all the time and what? I’m supposed to believe you’re just going on missions?” He said stepping forward.

You scoffed, honestly amazed as to how he was trying to blame this on you. “Yes! I am away trying not to die constantly to save the world your ass is living in.” You shouted, you clenched your fist so angry as to how this was the same guy who brought you flowers after you came back from your first mission while you two were a couple.

“Oh so now this is my fault.” He waved his arms around, exasperated. “Honestly how am I supposed to believe you.”

“You’re supposed to believe me because I wouldn’t lie to you. Because we’re in a relationship, isn’t that what it’s all about? Trust? I can not believe we are having this conversation right now.” You stepped closer now, just tired of this whole evening.

“Well if you didn’t want to have this conversation maybe you shouldn’t have decided to dump me.” He yelled and then did the most childish thing you could think of: he punched your wall and made a hole in the column right next to the kitchen.

Now you were angry, mainly because you were going to have to pay to have that fixed, or else your landlady would never let you hear the end of it, but also because he was acting like a child. “I decided to end this relationship because I couldn’t be the girlfriend you wanted me to be. You are constantly bitching and moaning that I don’t give you enough attention while I’m out there busting my ass working tirelessly day and night trying to oh I don’t know, save the damn world you live in and you decide to just complain about how you don’t have anyone to watch a movie with you? Honestly dating you had been like having a second job, fuck you-” Suddenly he turned around and swung at you.

Not a slap, it was a punch. He hit you with his right hand and hit the left side of your face, you’ve always been told to expect punches and hits, hell, one of the first rules you learned was to always protect the face. But no training could ever prepare you for the person that you cared for most would decide to swing at you.

The impact was enough to turn you around and almost cause you to fall but the couch was on your right-hand side so as your body motioned to the right you instinctively reached out for the couch and balanced yourself.

You reached out to touch the spot where he hit and realized he broke some skin. As you removed your hand from the side of your face you realized that there was a little bit of blood. You didn’t look at him, trying to compose yourself and not explode.

Just breathe. Just breathe.

You should’ve used your powers

You reacted too slowly

Your powers could’ve stopped him

You should’ve broken up with him in public

He wouldn’t hit you in front of random strangers like he did now… right?

A million and one things ran through your head but finally, after an excruciating 5 seconds of silence, you spoke quietly. “Get out.”

He looked at you as if he was confused as to what you meant by that, but still, he did not move.

“I said get out. Now.” You turned to him, stared him dead in the eye, and pointed to the door. “We’re done. I want you to leave and never speak to me again.”

He shook his head and began to talk, “Babe, c’mon you know I didn’t mean it.” He started walking closer to you and reached out for your arm, but you were ready this time.

You lurched your arm forward and up, lifting the now terrified man in the air, he knew about your powers and what they could do, but you promised to never use them on him; now those promises meant nothing to you.

“I told you to leave. You refuse to listen so here is how this is going to go,” You tilted your head slightly to the right and lifted him up higher, he tried moving his arms but your powers kept them to the side of his body, “you are going to leave. I don’t ever want to see you again, don’t look for me, don’t talk to me, do not even breathe the same fucking air as me. And if I ever see you in my line of sight again, I will not hesitate to end you. Are we clear?” He just stayed there staring at you. “Oh, and I almost forgot.” Using your free hand you motioned it up and to the side, two keys coming out of his pocket and landing in your hand. It was the spare keys you gave him when you first moved to the apartment so that way he could wait for you until you got home. “I’ll be needing these back, thank you.” Putting them away safely in your pocket, now ensuring he won’t be able to get into your apartment complex again. “Now leave.” Once again using your free hand you waved and the door began to open inwards revealing the empty hall. You moved your hand that held him in place towards it and launched him forward, his back hitting the wall. The last thing you saw was him starting to get up but you didn’t give him much of a chance to do anything else until waved for the door to close. Finally letting out the breath that you didn’t realize you were holding in, you ran for the door and double-locked it; turning around and resting your back against the door breathing heavily, you stayed there trying to wrap your head around what just happened.

This man was stubborn as hell and you hated him for that. He stayed at your door for god knows how long, occasionally weeping and saying he was sorry for what he did, begging you to let him back inside to talk it out, to bangs on the door and screams shouting things at you whether calling you a “slut” or saying that he straight-up hated you. You were starting to regret asking Fury to find you a complex that had no other tenants on the same floor because you knew by now someone would’ve heard and called to complain, but since the complex was four stories and you were in the building furthest from the staircase, no one could hear anything.

————————————————————————

He checked his phone for the third time in the last 5 minutes

Sent 1 hour ago

Shit…

He turned off his phone and threw his head back sighing. His partner now getting annoyed.

“Look man, don’t worry about it maybe she got just forgot or something,” Sam spoke, looking at Bucky who’s stare stayed unwavering at the ceiling.

“I don’t like it, Sam, she said she would text us once she finished breaking up with that douche bag.” Checking his phone once more, all that stared back was the 4 texts he had sent back to back constantly checking in. You had told him not to call but part of him itched to just hit the dial button and make sure you were okay.

“She’ll call us when she’s ready to talk, so just give her some space.” Sam tried to ease his nerves, but Bucky knew something was off, he felt it in his gut. It wasn’t like you to just not leave a message in case nothing happened.

“I’m gonna go check on her.” Bucky began to get up from the couch.

“Buck-” Sam warned.

“She said she was gonna text us once she finished dumping that guy, that was 3 hours ago and we haven’t heard anything from her. If it’s nothing then I’ll come back.” Bucky grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. Sam only shook his head knowing he couldn’t stop him now.

“Fine, but be careful alright. If this guy is still there by the time you come I don’t think he’ll be very happy to see you.” Sam chuckled a little.

But Bucky rolled his eyes and headed out.

————————————————————————

He arrived at your apartment complex in a little under 15 minutes, trying really hard not to break any traffic laws. But it didn’t matter after what felt like forever he looked at the building now shrouded in darkness since the sun had set less than half an hour ago. He tried looking for your window to see any signs of people in there, not getting very far he decided to go up to your door and knock.

This building was not the most secure in the world. The front gate that led to every tenant space was left open so getting in was a breeze. After climbing a few sets of stairs he finally reached your door. The first thing he noticed was the dent on the wall that wasn’t there the last time he came to visit. He tried looking under the door to see any movement but all he saw was something dark standing in front of the door. But didn’t hear anyone speaking; so he just decided to knock quietly hoping you would answer and explain how you were just fine and how everything had gone well.

————————————————————————

Today couldn’t have been any worse

You heard another knock.

Dear fucking god can he not quit

It had been nearly 5 minutes since you heard the last knock and wanted to look to see if he was finally gone but something in your body told you not to move. You have never been this paralyzed in fear. You had gone through worse things before in your life as an Avenger but those guys were bad, they meant to do harm and had no reason to give you any false sense of security, but he did.

Knock knock knock

You couldn’t take it anymore. He had been at the door for over an hour and you just wanted to be left alone, so you got up created a ball of pure energy in your hand made solely out of anger, just ready to blast the ever-living shit out of him.

You began to open the door and started to wind your hand back ready to launch the ball of energy in his face, “I thought I told you to leave me the fu-”

“Woah Woah Woah-!” You heard a voice say, and when you actually looked at who it was you realized it wasn’t your now ex.

“Bucky?” You asked in disbelief, still ready to launch your hand forward at any second. He held his gloved hands above him to cover his face from being blasted right off. “What’re you doing here?”

“I came to check up on you. You weren’t answering your messages so I got worried.” He said, slowly lowering his hands.

You followed his movement lowering your own raised hand and dispelled the energy ball, fading away just like your anger.

You sighed in relief. “Oh,” you started realizing that he could probably see the mark on your face so you slowly rested the left side of your face on the door, slightly flinching at the contact, not expecting it to hurt as much, you hoped Bucky didn’t notice. “Well, uh, everything is fine.” You told him, giving a small smile.

He tried looking inside, “You sure?”

“Yes I am very sure, it all went smoothly.” You knew lying was going to get you nowhere with him, he was pretty perceptive.

“Okay, so you wouldn’t mind letting me in?” He pressed on, he knew he was getting nowhere standing outside the door, while you were inside desperately trying to hide something.

Your eyes widened ever so slightly, trying not to alert him of anything going wrong, but you knew if you told him he couldn’t come in he would suspect something and the last thing you wanted was for this to turn into something worse than it already was.

“Of course, come on in.” You opened the door gesturing to come in, already regretting your decision.

“So, who were you trying to blast?” Bucky asked as you let him in, he examined the living room, nothing seemed too out of the ordinary. Your beige couch was slightly slanted forward but other than that everything else seemed to be in place, he did notice however, you having your back towards him, not making eye contact.

“Hmm?” You asked slightly distracted. “Oh, uh my neighbor’s kids, you know they keep running up and down the stairs and hallway.” You said, hoping he believed you, though you wouldn’t even believe your own lie given how shaky your voice was getting,

You cleared your throat, “Want some tea? I’m gonna make some right now.” Hoping a distraction would get you through this.

“No thank you I’m good, so uh, what did he say when you decided to break it off with him?” Bucky asked.

You weren’t ready to discuss this now, but what choice did you have, you could tell he was getting suspicious about something, so you just had to convince him it was nothing.

“Oh you know, he was upset obviously, but what’re you going to do.” You tried sounding nonchalant about the whole thing, you talked all the while putting water in the kettle and put it on the stove to boil. “He was upset but understood why I did it, and then uh, left.”

“Really? Just like that?”

“Mhmm.” You spoke, the kettle starting to scream a little, grabbing your mug.

“So, if he just up and left without any struggle… then who made this hole in the wall?” Bucky asked as he tapped the wall with his knuckle.

Your fingers slipped and you dropped your mug, first hitting the counter then smashing into pieces on the floor, the screams of the kettle now almost piercing.

“Shit.” You whispered, for dropping the mug and completely forgetting about the hole he made right before he hit you.

“Woah, hey are you okay?” Bucky turned around and saw you on your knees trying to pick up the broken pieces of the mug you had just dropped.

You were at your tipping point. Everything felt like it was unraveling all at once, you tried picking up the broken pieces of the mug, hardly noticing your tears trickling down and hitting the floor.

Bucky turned off the stove to stop the screaming and went up to you, gently putting his hand on your back. “Hey don’t worry about it okay? It’s just a mug you didn’t mean to drop it.”

“No… no no no, I wasn’t careful enough, I should’ve been nicer and more careful, this is all my fault.” You muttered to yourself.

Bucky was starting to think that you weren’t talking about your mug. “Hey, look at me.” He spoke softly and gently lifted your chin and that’s when he first noticed the little bit of dried up blood that was on your left cheek and saw a bruise forming. “Oh god-”

You hated how he stared at you: pity, it was written in his eyes, you really didn’t want anybody to find out, especially him. Most of all, you were embarrassed, embarrassed with everything that happened and how you handled it all.

“I’m sorry.” Was all you could say, trying really hard not to break down crying, but it got harder the longer you stayed there on the floor staring at the shattered mug.

“Hey it’s okay, come here.” He wrapped you in a tight hug and that was all it took to get you to release the fear, anger, and sadness that you’ve had bottled up for the last few hours.

And there you two were, sitting on the floor of your kitchen, silently crying into Bucky’s shoulder gently gripping his jacket to steady yourself. Bucky just stared at the shattered mug, a mixture of relief and sadness filling his head; glad he went to check up on you but angry and upset that you have been put through something that dick had caused, and he intended to make his sorry ass pay.

#bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x female reader #avengers #mcu #sam wilson #bucky barnes x you

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officialgritty · 4 years

Text

Sometimes I ask myself

How much could the NHL handle? What would they do if I, Zoe, had the opportunity to become a GM of my own team?

Another short essay by officialgritty. Here is the masterlist, it would be best to read them in order!

The Drafting Process

First of all, I’ll only accept picks for even numbers besides 7, 13 and 69. Odd numbers can choke.

I hate public speaking so I would nominate my assistant (still have not decided on one so feel free to send your applications into my DMs) to call out our picks. It’s probably the smartest decision considering I mumble a lot and have an accent so no ones names would be pronounced correctly anyway.

Personally I would like to draft one (1) beer league player. I think they could really get the team riled up, maybe even rack up some decent penalties for other teams by instigating.

“The Vermont Villains would like to select... big boy INSERT NAME.” - Assistant

“The Vermont Villains would like to select... string bean INSERT NAME.” - Assistant

“The Vermont Villains would like to select... sorry the mic cut out, after this can we have an intermission? I’m starving. Oh, we pick twinkle toes INSERT NAME.” - Me

General Rules / Other

There are no Capricorn’s to be allowed within management or on the team besides me. I was going to say, “I’m sorry I don’t make the rules,” but I quite literally do.

I am banning Crosby and MacKinnon from ever joining the team. In fact, when they visit for games the staff will ‘decorate’ a stall for them in particular.

I will be starting a petition for teams to be allowed 5 non-forfeit forfeits, meaning you get 5 chances to say, “No I don’t want to play that team today.” Both teams get no points though. It’s almost like a mental health day and I think that's neat.

The Team

(art via @chaos-hockey, please check out their account!)

The Vermont Villains are based in Vermont obviously, because there’s not a whole lot happening there. What even is Vermont for?

The team slogan is one everyone should be familiar with:

“No whole body, no murder.”

Our team intro song as players step out onto the ice is Be Prepared from The Lion King.

Our goal horn is someone sneezing, the audience will be sprayed with a light mist of sea water for effect.

Our team song played when we win will be Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked by Cage the Elephant.

As for team rivals, we have @chaos-hockey‘s creation the Insert Team Heres. They seem so sweet, I think the Villains would have a great time messing with them. I also believe we would have some beef with the Penguins, I don’t really have a reason for it, I just feel it deep in my gut. Maybe they get their knickers in a twist because we keep stealing their good stuff idk.

Mascot

The mascot wears a neon ski mask that changes based on the team’s choice in jersey. His name is Monday, because he’s always creeping up on you and causing mayhem through the grandstands. He has a water pistol attached to a tool belt, what's the tool belt for? No one ever truly knows until it’s too late.

Gritty and Monday would get along like a house on fire.

Uniform

(art via @chaos-hockey, please check out their account!)

You may notice the presence of three jersey’s and think to yourself, “Oh there's a home, away and an alternate.” Wrong. We have two home jerseys and an alternate.

On Wednesday’s we wear pink. Seriously. This jersey is only to be worn on Wednesday games.

All of the jerseys have players names written on the back but it’s only in a script font so it’s hard to read. Announcers will be confused, players will be confused but fans won’t be because they are used to it by now.

All of their numbers are written out in Roman numerals.

Each season the team colours change (besides pink Wednesdays). Why? Because I don’t like commitment. We would make hella money on limited time merch too.

Speaking of merch, every player will need to design a pair of crocs for fans to purchase as merch. This is not limited to the players, management must also participate. Yes, you can buy the George from Statistics crocs. I really just want my own crocs and to not be judged for it.

“I’ll take one of the Zoe crocs please!” - A fan

Now we can’t limit the uniform just to the team, I’ll show up to games rocking a power suit Michelle Obama inauguration style. Always in the same colour as the team jersey for that night. Yes, we are implying that I am Gritty.

“I want them to fear me but also want to fuck me.” - Me

(art via @chaos-hockey, please check out their account!)

For all working, team socks must be worn when entering the practise and game facilities. A sock check will be conducted at security. We will not let anyone in if they are not wearing Team Socks™️

(art via @chaos-hockey, please check out their account!)

You may be wondering about the away jersey still but don’t fret. We get to the arena early and steal the other team’s clothes. Some end up in their suits, some in their away jerseys and some are left shirtless. Whatever we can or cannot find before puck drop.

Arena

The arena won’t be boring that's for sure.

Out the front we have a massive V sign, just like how you see a McDonald’s sign from so far away, you’ll know when you get close to the arena.

Instead of stairs, each seating section has a harness that you get hooked up to for when you want to change levels. And each time that you want to get down, there’s a swirly slide.

Music played will be my favourite mashups from the YouTube account William Maranci to psych out competitors. Here is a link to one of my personal favourites:

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Obviously the team will need to listen to these before they are played for the first time to desensitise them. This will be done at the monthly team Disco.

During the intermission, all the lights in the main area will be turned off. Unofficial nap time my friends.

The menu consists of mutton, bagels on a stick, your choice of charcuterie board, fairy bread and fairy floss. For drinks you can either have carrot juice, Corona beer (we have a brand deal with them) or black tea with no milk.

In conclusion, it’s a good thing that I don’t have a lot of money and/or power, the NHL would hate me because they ain’t me and I have too many good ideas in my brain.

Thank you so sticking through it for this long, here’s all my love and affection 😘🥰❤️

Once again a big thank you to @chaos-hockey for bringing my ideas to fruition. Also thank you to Mik for encouraging this whole concept in our messages ❤️

Here is a part 2!

Tagging some of my mutuals/favourite accounts (please don't feel pressured to interact with this if it isn't your thing, I won't be offended):

@scheifefe @nikolajehlers @kempe @bowenbyram @d00dlebob @travisgermy @ifiwasshawnmendesidslapmyself @dmonchld @kiedhara @sortagaysortahigh @matthewthotchuk @babytkachuks @bricksatlandyswindow @canadianheaters @youngbeezersmixtape @pitoftrash @perpetually-anxious @kspitehockey

Sorry if I’ve forgotten anyone, I didn’t want to tag every single person I follow 💀

#no one got tagged :(#I will be doing school with my phone on mute so when I come back to this I EXPECT chaotic responses and chaotic responses only #I really have no idea what to tag this so I guess that’s it #let’s just hope it doesn’t flop anyway #the Vermont Villains #nhl #hockey #z does other stuff

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barren-heart · 4 years

Text

If you’re Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins, or Jared Padalecki.

STOP.

Read this post.

Dear J2M,

This is an open letter for you three written by a couple of unhappy passionate fans.

We write this to you because we know at least one of you has a secret Stan account and creeps on the destiel hashtag from time to time. Don’t lie. (Ahem. Misha Collins. Looking at you, Sir.)

With the subtle hints and possibility of a revival, us here at BarrenHeart (Bee and Jay) have some thoughts on what we think a reboot/continuation/revival would look like if it was done well.

Note: we don’t speak for the whole fandom(obviously). And we don’t even speak for all of the Cas/destiel fans. This is from our observation of the fandom after 15x18 and the finale, plus our own opinions.

Here are our demands suggestions for the potential revival.

--Castiel--

First things first. Castiel is brought back.

And by that, we mean he is either shown to be rescued from the empty, Jack rescues him from the empty, or by some other means, that man is not left there to suffer for all of eternity.

Castiel is a lead character.

Not a guest star, not “and Misha Collins.” No. Misha Collins gets to be in every d*mn episode. He is an equal lead alongside Dean and Sam. Which leads into the next point.

Castiel gets his own storyline.

It can be connected to Dean in some way, but he needs his own arc, y’all. Don't care what that is, but he IS his own character. So, some form of personal growth or whatever needs to happen. He is a badass and deserves a good storyline. Also…

Give this M-- F-- (mother father) his wings back!

Yes, he died without ever having his wings return to their full power. Like? We know he was nerfed so he wouldn't overpower Sam and Dean. Prove to us that he can be a fully powered badass and still work alongside Sam and Dean. No need to get rid of that.

Human!Cas does not mean pathetic Cas.

There is a divide on whether Castiel should stay an angel. Personally, we like human Cas. However, human Cas was shafted in the series. If you make him human in any way, shape, or form, he’s gonna still have to be a badass. Don’t whimp him!

He can be a good hunter/pretend FBI agent just like Sam and Dean!

So, make him one! Let him do more cases. On his own. With other people. With Sam. With Dean. He can fight without powers, too.

Give him love!

For the love of freaking Jack, let that man know he is loved by people. Not even mentioning anything romantic, he still needs platonic love y’all. Let Sam say it, let Jack say it. Let anyone in his family tell him that he is loved. Not once in this series did Cas hear that anyone loved him. So, fix it!

New style, anyone?

Cas needs other clothes! Please now. The black trenchcoat we never saw in-show? Boss. Cas in a black leather jacket? Coolness. Hunter plaid? Do it.

Confession Resolution

Speaking of love, come to some conclusion please about him and Dean. Give a resolution somehow, somewhere. We personally don’t really care how it’s done, but there needs to be something said here. You cannot just drop a confession there and just leave like it never happened. So, talk about it.

Adding this, I swear, if this is bros only, you WILL lose Cas fans. So, think about what you’re doing.

--Sam--

Sam is important!

Now, personally we have a soft spot for Sam. His character arc in Season 1-5 was great. Demon blood, powerful Sam was amazing. So, don’t sideline Sam. Seriously. We are gonna say in an unpopular way (as if this post isn’t already unpopular to some), but Sam got sidelined real hard in the last few seasons of the show. Now, was that what Jared wanted? Don’t know. But, Sam needs his own storyline too that isn’t just revolved around Dean. Figure it out.

Witch!Sam

Speaking of which, let this man be powerful. Sam is best when he has powers. Sorry but also not. He has been given all of Rowena’s (who is arguably the best witch around) spell books and decides to not really do much with it? No. He’s becoming a BAMF witch. Full-out, no word spells and shit. End point.

Sam in Charge

He’s not just a baby brother. He’s a grown man. Give him room to grow. Allow him to be a leader. Let him lead a group of hunters, witches, a whole team of people! He’s strong on his own, too. He's a big boy. Prove it.

He should fall in love.

Like, get married and all that. It’s a part of his arc, so keep it there. No blurry wife, my god! Personally it should be Eileen. She’s a badass. They also have a lot in common! Holy hell. They make a good team. So, keep that suggestion in mind.

Let him have the hero’s journey.

We want a good ending that shows growth for this character! He saw himself as a freak with powers, so…maybe he can use his powers now in a way that in empowering instead? Let him have an ending that doesn't just return to the beginning. Let him have gone through all of this changed for the better.

Don't be creepy.

Still keep the brotherly bond with Dean, but don’t make it weird, y’all. Don’t. Please.

Sam as a dad.

He can have a kid. But, Dean Jr? Eh. You might want to reconsider some other (Bobby) possibilities.

--Dean--

Now, with Dean, I wanna make this clear.

DO NOT K word THIS MAN.

This man here has dealt with unbelievable trauma, suicidal thoughts and even almost died by suicide in the show (okay, it was for another reason, but still!) He dies way too many times in this show. It’s not new anymore. Perhaps, when the show was newer, death might have been a bittersweet ending. But, now. It’s tarnished. It happened too much and the message of “carry on” got tainted to mean “there is only peace when you die.” That’s not okay.

Resolve his issues!

He has so much pain and trauma. Let him seek help. Let your audience know that it’s okay to process these emotions. Let him heal. He deserves it.

Dean’s internal struggles

This is piggybacking a little off of point two, but Dean has a lot of things he needs to figure out. We feel like his journey is more internal. While processing his trauma, he needs to learn that it's okay to be himself. This could include things about himself that he feels ashamed of or scared to admit. Things he may have repressed or suppressed over time. No more hiding who he is or brushing it off or making jokes. Be your true self, Dean. It's time.

Dean’s still important, of course

That said, Dean should still be integral to the overall narrative of the plot. Of course he's gonna go head to head with the Big Bad of the season/limited series, but he really should focus on what's inside first before he can take this monster down.

The Bro bond

No more dependent/unhealthy bond with Sam. Of course they are family and brothers, and will always be close. That's perfectly fine. However, its important to note that Dean was Sam’s mom/Dad most of his whole life. And, well, that never came to a resolution. Please let Dean resolve this issue. Sam is grown and older now, and even though Dean will always feel protective of him as his Big brother, Dean shouldn't feel like his life only revolves around taking care of Sam. There is more to Dean and his life.

Dean is complex

Also, Dean is not only about cars, burgers, and pie. It's like some of the writers forgot this. There are so many things/interests of Dean’s that are really cool and add to the complexity of his character. Keep those things.

He needs to resolve his issue with Jack.

He never said sorry to the kid. Not once after telling Sam that Jack wasn't family. He needs to tell Jack he is loved.

Speaking of which, Dean needs to tell Cas he loves him.

Okay. Who knows if you will make destiel reciprocal at this point.

Do we think Dean would have reciprocated based on context clues and what we have seen in the show? Yes.

Do we think this love is romantic? Yes.

Do we think you'll actually fully make it canon in a reboot/continuation? Eh.

Regardless, Dean loves Cas, so make it known.

Other demands considerations.

‘The found family’ needs to not be forgotten.

All the friends that were made along the way need to be included. What happened with Garth was great, actually. Do more of that. And by that, we mean include Jody and Donna. What are the girls doing now? Wayward sisters anyone? Bring Kevin back. Don't leave him to roam the earth all along like that. Either make him human again like Eileen or send him to rest in Heaven.

Where’s Eileen?

Hello??? Where? Tell us she made it back.

Claire

No idea if you can get Kathryn Newton back, but it would be cool at least for one episode. Please. Kaia? Resolve her storyline.

Also, Charlie.

Wtf happened? That was not resolved. We love Felicia Day. Charlie’s friendship with Dean is amazing. She deserves a few episodes.

Crowley!

Seriously. What happened to Mark was super disappointing. You gotta bring him back. His death wasn't great. Bring him back and give him his damn line already!

Jack!

I'm not fully on the Baby!Jack train, but he does deserve a normal life. He's three years old technically. He had no normal life whatsoever. He deserves that. So, give him that.

More Rowena please!

That's it. She's awesome.

Have a wedding.

No, really. Someone's gotta get married. Our pick: Sam and Eileen. Charlie is also a good contender for having a wedding with her partner, too. So there. Weddings are happy. We want a happy ending.

I will reiterate. Team free will lives. That's it.

Okay. Now, moving on to the next part of this. The elephant in the room. The thing a lot of us actually want from this, but frankly, we aren't sure if you'll do it.

Explicit Destiel.

If you've read this far J2M, then you're probably wondering when this was going to be addressed. So, here are the stipulations on destiel.

Go big or go home.

Yep. We said it. Make it explicit, full out, no ambiguity.

Honestly, you might be thinking what you could do to make it explicitly canon? Well, since there were tons of people who still think Cas’ love confession was just a platonic exchange between two bros (like wtf? How?), you're gonna have to spell it out for people.

But, some things that we may perceive as romantic, some people may not.

--Like, holding hands could be considered platonic between two men to some people.

--Cheek kissing could also be considered platonic to some people.

Not to say we need Jensen and Misha doing full on *** scenes to prove anything, but something more than a hand hold. Okay? Okay.

What we’re saying is basically, you're gonna have to kiss. On the lips. Yep.

So...I guess you'll have to figure out how you want to do that.

On when to make it canon:

You can decide if it makes sense to make it canon towards the beginning or towards the end. Honestly, there could be an argument for either. If it's made canon earlier, you could prove there can be a relationship alongside the main storyline. If you wait until the end, you'll leave fans wondering if you'll actually do it. But, the kiss being the major event of the finale could be worth it. Whichever you do, remember there are upsides and downsides to both.

Other other considerations:

Just realize who your fanbase is now. We’ve grown and changed. Like Becky, your fans have gone through a huge change in what they want from the show. Is the fandom all on the same page? Nope. Will they ever be? No.

You will not please everyone. That's a given. But, a lot of fans want to see the show wrap up in a better way than what we got. Destiel fans aside, the finale was not great overall. There are plenty of negative finale reviews that have nothing to do with destiel.

On top of that, society is changing. Slowly. The attitudes in regards to lgbtq media is quite different than before. You have the chance to make history. Really. If you make this canon, that will be a part of your legacy. You'll hit the news. I mean, 15x18 wasn't even the finale and it trended #1 that day.

We suggest that if you do decide to make it canon, it’s meaningful and you take the time to do it right.

So, consider your fans. Consider the part of the fandom that trended your show over the election. Consider the fans that trended a fictional wedding on Valentine's Day. Consider Misha/Cas fans who felt slighted. Consider your LGBTQA + fans. Just, think about what the reboot could achieve. What it could mean to a lot of people.

As always, we just want happiness and peace when we are done.

Thanks for reading Misha J2M.

Sincerely,

Bee 🐝 and Jay 🐦

#supernatural #destiel #castiel #spn #deancas #dean x castiel #misha collins

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css1992 · 3 years

Text

Guilty Pleasure

[Porn AU]

Summary: Peter and Beck used to be a power couple in the porn industry, but after Beck dumps him, Peter is forced to start over. With no money, no family and nowhere to go, he doesn’t have much choice other than to keep doing porn, so he joins Just4Fans to get back on his feet and then one day he gets a very generous tip from someone under the username of YKWIM.

All the warnings listed on Part I apply.

Read on AO3

Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV / Part V / Part VI / Part VII / Part VIII / Part IX / Part X / Part XI / Epilogue

-x-

The last couple of weeks of May flew by, soon June arrived and with it even more sunny days and warmer temperatures. Peter couldn’t help but think that his life fell apart in the winter, and as summer approached, it was slowly getting back on track. He was able to save a decent amount of money every month, his apartment was coming together – he even had a dinner table and chairs by the second week of June –, he was taking on more responsibility at BFF way quicker than expected and he was happier, in general.

He felt comfortable enough to make plans again – with the steady money he was making, he might be able to give up porn in a couple of years and he would still be eligible to apply for some of BFF’s grants and scholarships, meaning he may be able to go to college at 23, after all. Money would be tight for a while, but it was doable. He could always work part-time to supplement his income as well.

Summer also brought some unexpected good news. On a random Thursday morning, he was bombarded with messages on Twitter and Instagram from people asking where they could find his videos now that Beck’s channel was down. He was confused at first, but when he went to check, the channel wasn’t there, it had disappeared from the site.

He gasped. For a total of five seconds, his mind went wild, his heart raced, and his eyes watered. For those five seconds, he felt a mixture of happiness, relief and confusion, knowing those videos weren’t out there anymore, couldn’t be found, couldn’t be seen, couldn’t be remembered. But it was only for five blissful seconds. When his brain turned back on and the first rush of excitement died down, he realized that probably wouldn’t last.

That had happened before, when they first started posting. People mass reported the videos and the channel until they got taken down, because Peter looked very young at eighteen. They had to send a picture of his ID to the website for check several times, it was months before it stopped happening once and for all. Peter assumed Beck was posting videos of his new boyfriend, who he knew looked very young, so it was probably just a misunderstanding and only a matter of time until he got the channel – and the videos – back up.

Still, he allowed himself to count that as a win and couldn’t help but feeling giddy all day, to the point where everybody noticed his good mood – Ned, MJ, people at BFF and Tony.

Tony, who didn’t disappear. As days and nights and weeks went by, Peter stopped waiting for it to happen.

“Someone is awfully cheery today.” The older man grinned at him from the driver’s side that night, as Peter sang along to Ed Sheeran, because it was his turn to choose the playlist. Tony had picked him up from BFF and they were heading to his place for a quiet night in.

“It’s a good day, Tony.” He shot back after the chorus of Put it All on Me and the older man beamed, the corners of his eyes crinkling up.

“It sure is, kitten.” He turned up the volume and Peter sang even louder, causing Tony to burst out laughing.

At some point, he realized life was a little less complicated than he gave it credit for. He realized that if he actually gave things the precise amount of thought they deserved, not everything felt like the end of the world. The minute he decided to just let things happen the way they were supposed to happen, without overthinking every detail, life got so much easier.

He decided not to make the thing with Tony a big deal. Sure, when he thought about it for more than two minutes, it seemed like a huge fucking deal, he was basically dating Tony Stark, one of the richest men in the world, Iron Man himself, the man who had literately saved half the universe from extinction not even two years earlier. So, yes, that seemed like a big fucking deal, but–

But.

To him, he was just Tony. This charming guy who texted him daily to ask about his day and crack acid jokes about his business associates. This kind guy who sent him chocolates when he was feeling down and cooked him dinner every weekend and made sure to e-mail him easy and healthy recipes so he wouldn’t starve to death. This gentle guy who called him beautiful and touched him with such care that he forgot how many hands had left bruises on his skin before.

When he forgot everything Tony was supposed to be and just focused on everything that he was to him, what they had seemed so simple and pure.

He stopped worrying about labels, too. In the beginning, he kept stressing about what they had, what was expected of him, what he expected of Tony, but eventually, he decided none of that mattered. They made each other feel good, they made each other happy, they made each other better, all in all, whatever label he could put on their relationship wouldn’t make any difference, so he let it go.

Weeks later, Peter heard Beck had managed to get the channel back up, only for it to get taken down again in a few hours, then his Instagram and Twitter also disappeared. He wasn’t too surprised, and if he was honest with himself, it was fun imagining Beck losing his mind as he tried to fix it. After all, every day the channel was down, he was losing money. And his social media, specially his Twitter account, was where he promoted his content to thousands of followers, so losing that meant losing money as well, and if there was one thing Peter knew Beck loved, it was money.

He wondered what the fuck the man had done to piss people off like that, it was clearly a coordinated attack, but he wasn’t curious enough to try and find out what happened. He would rather watch from a distance, rejoicing in the satisfaction it gave him to imagine that maybe, just maybe, one of those days Beck wouldn’t be able to get the channel back up and would have to start from scratch, like Peter did. And maybe then he wouldn’t re-upload his videos – that part was a little harder to believe, but who knew, stranger things had happened.

When June came to an end, Peter was surprised with a notification from Tony on Just4Fans. He had almost forgot the man was still subscribed to his account there, they obviously never chatted on the app anymore, and when he opened the notification, his blood ran cold in his veins.

It was a tip.

A hundred thousand dollars tip.

He couldn’t fucking believe it. A tip? For what, a job well done? It wasn’t like Peter was – what did that even mean? Was Tony trying to say something with that, send some kind of message?

He decided not to call him right away, he was too – upset. The older man was picking him up later that evening for dinner, so he decided to wait. Whatever he had to say to him, he wanted to hear it in person. He wanted him to look in his eyes and tell him he thought he was his fucking wh–

“What is the meaning of this?” He asked as soon he got in his car, avoiding the kiss that came his way. Tony blinked in surprise, trying to understand why he got a phone shoved in his face instead of a kiss, and then he finally saw what that was all about.

“Oh, that–“ But before he could answer anything, Peter interrupted.

“I told you I’m not – Tony, why would you – this is so insulting!” He was honestly at a loss for words. They had been seeing each other for almost two months by then, things were going great, they met every week, they made apple pie together, for God’s sake, had he misunderstood all the signs?

“My God, Peter, that’s not that, I just thought – I mean, I’m a billionaire, you know this is pocket change for me, right?” Peter gasped, shocked, and Tony’s eyes widened when he fumbled with the door handle. “Wait! I didn’t mean – Jesus, okay, hold on a second, please!” Tony reached over him to shut the door before Peter could get out of the car. The young man turned to look at him with tears in his eyes and Tony looked incredulous when he leaned back and ran a hand through his hair. “Don’t just assume the worst, have I given you any reason for that?” He sounded hurt, which made Peter gulp. He took a few calming breaths and shook his head slowly.

“No,” he whispered, dropping his gaze.

“Ok, good.” He actually sounded relieved at that. “I am a billionaire, Peter, and this is pocket change for me, which means –“ he raised his voice a little, predicting a reaction from him that didn’t come, “I didn’t realize this would be such a big deal. For me, it’s like giving you, I don’t know, flowers. I didn’t mean this as a payment for whatever you think this is, I just thought this would be a good help. You’re starting your life now, you have that list of yours that you don’t let me see, you’re saving up money, you have your plans for college, I just meant to help. I mean, if we weren’t together, I would have tipped you every month, so I thought –“

“But we are together, Tony, I –“ he was a little calmer then, because that was, in fact, a reasonable explanation and he shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. “Look, I appreciate the gesture, but next time you mean to give me flowers, just give me flowers! I believe you have the best intentions at heart, but it’s just weird for me. I don’t want this to be about money. I just – don’t want that, okay?”

He gazed at the older man as he gaped at him, mouth opening and closing, but no sound came out for a while.

“I just thought – I mean, people usually –“ It was unusual to see Tony speechless like that, but the man shook his head and looked back at him, almost embarrassed. “I just want to help you.”

“Are you kidding me?” Peter poked him in the arm, trying to lighten up the mood in the car. “You’re teaching me how to cook. Yesterday I made an omelet and I only burned one side, I’m getting good at this. That’s a big help.”

Tony didn’t laugh at his joke, like he usually did, he just gazed at him with an unreadable expression, before leaning in to kiss him, which Peter gladly reciprocated.

“I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable,” he whispered, then, resting his forehead against his.

“And I’m sorry I was rude. It won’t happen again,” he promised, and he meant it.

After that night, he removed Tony from his Just4Fans, which came as a blow to the older man, who pouted and whined for about a week, only stopping when Peter showed up at his place one Saturday wearing Iron Man lingerie under his clothes – it was supposed to be a joke, but it worked surprisingly well for Tony.

By July, it became impossible to keep sneaking around Ned and MJ, as the dates became more frequent. Peter decided to tell them that he had met someone online and that they were getting to know each other. He told them it was nothing serious yet and if it became serious, they would meet him.

He did have to throw in a few lies to get them off his back – he definitely had to lie about Tony’s age to avoid certain comparisons, but he would cross that bridge when he got to it, if he ever got to it. He wasn’t sure if or when he was going to tell them the whole truth, but for the time being, he felt more comfortable keeping that relationship to himself.

He and Tony didn’t go out much, but when they did, it was always to fancy and discreet restaurants with private rooms; Tony was, after all, a celebrity for all intents and purposes, and at if the press got a whiff of them there would be no secret left to keep.

But staying in with Tony was far from boring. They cooked together and the older man taught him all of his grandmother’s secret recipes – Peter could never replicate them by himself at home, but it was still fun trying. They spent almost all of their time down in the workshop, though, where Tony had him do menial tasks, like screwing bolts or reaching for a part inside an Iron Man suit. He said his tiny hands were useful for his projects.

He knew he wasn’t really that useful, but he loved when Tony included him and asked for his help, even though he didn’t really need it. He was fascinated by everything the older man taught him in those moments and in turn Tony always looked proud and pleased when Peter put his lessons to use.

He didn’t mind keeping him company when Tony was focused on projects he couldn’t help with, he stayed there anyway, reading a book or watching TV on the tiny couch – Tony kept saying he was going to get a bigger one, but he didn’t believe it, he knew the older man enjoyed the fact that the only way they could fit comfortably on it was if Peter was lying half on top of him.

So after several weeks, they established a little routine of their own. Since Tony had a busy schedule and Peter was still trying to keep Ned and MJ somewhat in the dark, they didn’t meet that often on week days, but they always talked on the phone before bed. On Thursdays, Tony picked him up after his shift at BFF and he spent the night at his place. They had breakfast together on Fridays and then they met again every Saturday after lunch, and finally Tony dropped him back off home every Sunday evening, so he could have dinner with his friends.

In August, for the first time in his life, Peter had two birthday celebrations. One with his friends, when the three of them went bar-hopping and he got home so hammered he had absolutely no idea how they managed to climb the stairs, and another with Tony, when he decorated the workshop with balloons and put party hats on Dum-E and U.

“Surprise!” He yelled lamely, throwing confetti at Peter when they stepped into the workshop. The younger man laughed, delighted, as Tony hurried to the kitchenette and came back with something in his hands. “I know it doesn’t look good, but I promise it tastes good. Probably.” When Peter looked down, he noticed it was a large chocolate cake with ‘Happy Birthday, kitten’ written on it in bright pink icing. It looked so ugly, but it was so beautiful at the same time. “What did I do now?” Tony frowned, face falling.

He blinked a few times and when he touched his cheeks, he realized he was crying.

“I’m sorry, I’m just – really happy.” He grinned, pulling the older man’s face to give him a kiss. “Thank you.”

It was late October when Tony told him he had to go on a trip to China for two weeks, and even though it wasn’t his first work trip since they started dating, five months earlier, it would be by far the longest one since then, so it was kind of a big deal. Still, he didn’t expect to feel so affected, but on the days leading up to it he was so upset he couldn’t hide it.

They spent their last Sunday together wrapped up in each other doing absolutely nothing. They slept in, Tony brought Peter breakfast in bed, which was rewarded with a lazy and sloppy blow job, and they spent all day in bed, only getting up for essentials, like food and water. They didn’t even turn on the TV, they didn’t even talk much. They just held each other and exchanged slow, tender kisses until their bodies were too warm to stay under the sheets.

Tony ran a bath for them and got in the tub – it was big enough for eight people, but Peter made a point to sit in his lap, clinging to him like a koala. He felt Tony’s arms encircle him gently, as he rested his chin on top of his head.

“I’ll be home before you even have time to miss me, kitten.” He whispered, and those were the first words either of them had said in at least a few hours.

Peter didn’t tell him that was impossible since he already missed him, instead he just held him even tighter.

After the bath water went cold, they climbed out of the tub and Tony insisted on drying him, before dressing him in one of his own T-shirts, even though Peter had a multitude of spare clothes in his closet. He sat in bed, watching Tony pack a huge suitcase that reminded him just how long he would be gone for. He sulked a little – just a little – and that earned him a little kiss on his forehead, which was enough to undo the frown between his brows.

Finally, in the evening, Tony parked his car in front of Peter’s building, turning to look at him with an almost pained smile, before leaning in for a kiss.

“I’m gonna miss you,” Peter whispered against his mouth and felt when Tony’s lips stretched into a small smile. He pulled away a little, just enough to look into his eyes, and cupped his chin in his hand.

“I’ll miss you too, but I won’t be long, ok? It’s just a few days.” He pecked Peter’s lips one more time for good measure and the younger man nodded.

“Call me if you have time.”

“Of course, kitten, every day.” He leaned in for another kiss, this one longer than the previous, and Peter’s heart fluttered. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out, containing the urge to say those three words that had been trapped in the back of his throat for weeks.

“Have a safe trip. Let me know when you land.”

“I will, baby.”

Peter got out of the car and waved, watching as it disappeared down the street. He sighed and his heart ached, he already missed Tony and it had only been a few seconds, how was he going to survive fifteen whole days? It seemed impossible. It was crazy to think how far they had come since March, when they talked for the first time. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

He turned to go inside, but froze in place when he heard a familiar voice.

“So that’s why you’ve been ignoring me, huh? How rude.” He turned slowly to the left, only to be met with Beck’s cocky, arrogant smile, just a few feet away from him. “I tried calling, I tried texting, you’ve blocked me everywhere, I can’t even e-mail you anymore, it appears.” Beck walked slowly and leaned against the rails of the stairs to Peter’s building and the younger man curled his hands in fists, trying to control the urge to just run. “Long time no see, Petey-pie.”

He was paralyzed, muscles rigid, but to his own surprise, it wasn’t fear that he felt, or sadness. It was pure anger.

“I wonder why,” he answered quietly, but firmly. Beck’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline, before the smile was back in place. “How did you find me?” He demanded, because Beck had never cared to ask where Peter was going to stay after he kicked him out, so how in the hell would he know where to find him?

“Wasn’t easy, I have been following you on Instagram, some of your morning run routes seemed familiar, so I–”

“You stalked me?” He frowned, taking a step closer to the other man, who looked at Peter with indignation and hurt. He shook his head, softened those baby blue eyes and placed one hand over his chest, right above where his heart would have been if he had one.

“I just wanted to see you, is all.” He shrugged, dropping his gaze to stare at his own feet, and Peter wanted to roll his eyes. It was so weird watching his whole act now that the spell had been lifted.

“What do you want?” He asked, making the older man’s head snap back up, a little surprised by his cold tone.

“I just told you, I wanted to see you. I missed you.” He took a few steps towards Peter, who in turn walked backwards to keep his distance

“You missed me?” He scoffed, shaking his head. “Where’s your new boy-toy, you put him away so you could come play with me?” He cocked his head to the side and, for a moment, he could see the shock crossing his features.

“Pete… Why are you acting like this, it’s like I don’t even know you anymore...” His voice broke and he looked away, pretending to wipe away a tear. He wondered how the hell he used to fall for that.

“You don’t, Quentin. I’m not a lost little boy anymore, you should go back to your boyfriend. Or is he smarter than me and dumped you already? Is that what this is all about?” He narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest, and Beck’s mouth hung open like he couldn’t believe his words.

“I made a mistake, Pete. After so many years, I took you for granted, I couldn’t see what I saw the first time I met you. I couldn’t see how beautiful you were, how caring and loving you were, how loyal and reliable and – I don’t know, I was blind. I was so stupid, I shouldn’t have left you.” His eyes were wide, earnest, shining with unshed tears. His face was open, even his body language screamed honesty. Suddenly, he didn’t feel so bad about falling for his act – Beck was good. “Don’t you miss me, baby? Don’t you miss us?”

Peter snorted, shaking his head, he couldn’t believe the nerve of that man.

“You made a mistake, huh? So you dumped your new boy, right? If I were to go home with you right now, he wouldn’t be there, waiting for you, like a fucking plan B, in case this doesn’t go your way. Right?” It was his turn to take a few steps towards the older man. “Like I was your plan B while you waited for him to turn 18?”

“Peter, c’mon–“

“Is he there, Beck? Just answer me that. Come on, if he’s not, I’ll take you back right now, we can go home together.” He insisted, looking into the older man’s eyes, but he didn’t say anything, he just sighed. “Of course he is. If I said yes, what would you do? Tell him to pack his things in the middle of the night and leave? Would you keep all the money he’s made you and tell him to fuck off? Would you leave him broke and lonely and fucking lost in this world? Would you tell him that he wasn’t good enough and dispose of him like he’s fucking garbage?” His voice grew louder and louder, and when he came to himself, he noticed he was in Beck’s face, their chests almost touching, so he took a step back. “So to answer your question, Quentin, no, I don’t fucking miss you. You fucking ruined me!”

“I saved you!” And just like that, the good guy act was gone. His whole demeanor changed, the soft baby blues widened, his mouth was set in a sneer, he puffed out his chest to intimidate him, but Peter stood his ground. “Don’t pretend you don’t remember who you were before me. You were a fucking loser! An orphan, no family, no friends, no future! I took you in, I took care of you, I gave you a profession – don’t fucking roll your eyes, what the fuck are you doing now, huh? Rocket science? ‘Cause it seems to me like you’re still doing porn, and now you’re clearly branching out into prostitution, would you look at that!”

“You have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about!” He placed his hands on the man’s chest and pushed him away when he got too fucking close for comfort. He held his breath when he realized what he had done, afraid of the man’s reaction, but he just kept his distance.

“You know what? Fuck you, Peter. I was wrong about you, I thought I knew who you were, I thought I missed you, but you’re just a disgusting fucking whore, after all. You’re a dirty little bitch in heat who likes to get this loose hole of yours fucked by old perverts, I don’t know why I’m surprised, I mean, that’s why I dumped you, you were enjoying those videos a little bit too much for my taste. You weren’t even satisfied with two cocks up your ass, one in your mouth and a line of men waiting to fuck you. You disgust me.” He started walking away, and Peter wanted to say something, he wanted to yell at him and defend himself, he wanted to tell him he didn’t fucking enjoy it, he wanted to tell him that it was all his fault, he threw him to the lions, he let those men fucking–

Fuck!

He rushed inside the building and ran upstairs, eyes clouded with tears. He tripped and fell knees first on the steps, but he didn’t even feel pain, he just got up and kept going, kept running, trying to put as much distance between him and Beck as he could, even though it was irrational. Beck was gone, he walked away, he left him, he left him again, he wasn’t coming back–

“Ned?!” He knocked urgently on his friends’ door. He didn’t have his spare key, it was upstairs in his own apartment, but he couldn’t trust himself to go all the way up there and down again without having a full on panic attack. “MJ?! Are you guys home?!” He was really trying not to sound too desperate, he didn’t want to scare them, but it was hard controlling his emotions when his heart was hammering against his chest and he couldn’t fucking breathe.

“Peter?” It was MJ who yanked the door open. She had a towel wrapped around her torso, her hair was wet, and Peter felt guilty, but she took one look at him and quickly pulled him into a hug. “My God, Peter...” She whispered into his hair when he started sobbing uncontrollably on her naked shoulder. “Come on in, c’mon.” He heard the door closing behind him, but he didn’t let go of her, he felt like if he did, he wouldn’t be able to hold himself together.

He wanted to tell her not to worry, that she should go finish her shower and change, but he really, really needed her right then. She sat down on the couch, pulling him with her and he promptly laid down, burying his face in her legs. He couldn’t stop crying and sobbing and no matter how many times she asked him what was wrong, sounding increasingly more worried, he couldn’t get his feelings under control enough to give her any answer.

He was there for what felt like hours, when at some point someone lifted him from MJ’s lap and enveloped him in such a tight hug he couldn’t breath for a second, but he sighed in relief, it was right what he needed. Ned’s arms felt like home, it calmed him down almost instantly – his voice whispering that it was fine, everything was going to be okay helped a lot, too.

“I hate him, I hate him so fucking much,” he mumbled into his shoulder, God knew how much time later, and his friend just hummed, patting his back. “I hate that he made a mess of me and I let him.” He couldn’t hold back more tears when he said that, because it was true, it was so fucking true. He let Beck do whatever he wanted to him, he let him ruin his dreams, his future, his fucking personality, until he was nothing but a shell of what he used to be.

“I know, Peter, I know,” Ned soothed him, rubbing his back, even though he probably had no idea what he was talking about. “It’s okay now. You’re okay. It’s over”

“I made tea.” MJ’s quiet voice sounded somewhere from his right and when he turned to look at her, she was already dressed, wet hair up in a bun, with a mug in her hands, which she extended to him. He accepted it but didn’t dare to take a sip, he was positive that if he did, he would throw up, his stomach was all kinds of fucked up at that moment. “Peter, what happened? Did Star – uh, did your boyfriend do something? Did he hurt? ‘Cause I swear to God–” Just the mention of Tony being the cause of his distress made him sick, so he cut her off.

“Beck was here.” He sniffed, looking at the mug to avoid their eyes when he heard both of them gasping.

“Beck? Beck was here? Fucking Beck?” MJ screeched and he nodded.

“He was waiting for me outside.” He rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to gather enough energy to have that conversation.

“What did he want?” Ned asked calmly, while MJ paced the floor, furious.

“I don’t know...” He shrugged, wrecking his brain to try and figure out what his motive was. “His channel got taken down a few weeks ago and he couldn’t get it back up. I heard he had to start over.” He hadn’t been watching that closely, but he knew something was wrong, even his Twitter and Instagram accounts kept getting taken down almost monthly, it was impossible he was making any money over the past few months. “He said he wanted to get back together, probably because he thinks us making up would be a big hit or whatever. I said no, of course. He didn’t like the answer.”

“Did he hurt you?!” MJ strode back to him until she was standing right in front of him, looking into his eyes. He was almost intimidated by her.

“No, he just… Said some pretty shitty things, is all,” he answered sheepishly, because he hated that that man could still make a mess of him with just a few hurtful words.

“Oh, dude. He’s just mad he’s lost control over you. Whatever he said, he just wanted to hurt you, it doesn’t mean anything.” Ned placed an arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer, and Peter rested his head against his, sighing.

“I know. He was always like that, you know,” he whispered, as flashes of memories crossed his mind. “When I didn’t bend to his wishes, when I didn’t do things his way, he fucking–“ He squeezed his eyes shut, furious, because he had fallen for that again. “He tries to charm me and when it doesn’t work, he attacks me. But the thing is, he really knows what to say to destroy me. It just sucks. But it’s fine. I just need a moment, I’ll be fine.” He sat up straight and looked both of his friends in the eyes.

“Yes, you will. You most certainly will.” Ned patted his shoulder one last time, getting up from the couch. “Why don’t you lie down for a second, huh? I’m making dinner, I’ll even try one of those recipes your mystery boyfriend taught you.” Just the mention of Tony made him breathe a little easier, even though he wouldn’t be able to see him for a while.

“Okay.” He nodded, smiling softly. MJ took Ned’s place on the couch and he lay down, placing his head on her legs, as she ran her fingers through his hair. He sighed contently and closed his eyes, feeling exhausted. He was close to drifting off when he heard Ned gasp.

“Oh my God,” He breathed quietly from the kitchen and both Peter and MJ looked at him curiously from over the back of the couch.

“What?” She didn’t look too worried, but Peter was concerned about how pale he was.

“Ned, what’s wrong?” He frowned, watching Ned’s horrified expression looking at his phone like it was a murder scene. He raised his eyes and gulped.

“Peter is trending on Twitter,” he whispered, after a while.

“What?!” They both hurried over to the kitchen counter, and the first thing Peter saw when he looked at his phone was a picture of him and Tony in his car, kissing. As Ned scrolled down, more pictures showed up, but not only that, clips of his old videos were all over Twitter, people knew his full name, his real name, and they were making all sorts of comments. Iron Man, Tony Stark, Peter Parker, sex worker, prostitute and porn were trending.

The room was completely silent for a whole minute, before MJ turned on the TV.

“… appear that Tony Stark, former CEO of Stark Industries and retired Avenger, was seen kissing a young man in his car earlier this evening. The person in the pictures seems to be one Peter Parker, a twenty-one year old porn actor, who is also said to work as a prostitute…”

Peter’s heart sank to the bottom of his stomach, his vision blurred and he felt bile rising in his throat. He took a deep breath and got up from the couch, ears ringing, as he rushed to the front door. He heard his friends yelling something, but he couldn’t make out their words, and he just couldn’t deal with all that right then and there.

“I, uhm, I gotta go,” he called from over his shoulder, slamming the door shut on his way out.

As he ran upstairs, vision blurred by tears and chest hurting, begging for oxygen, he couldn’t help but remember his life fell apart in the winter. And fall would be over soon.

-x-

So... It appears that someone has lost the ability to write short chapters...

Anyways, only three more chapters to go! 🥳

Tag list (please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed from the list): @sadachmesarthim @iamnotparticularlyproud @staticwhispersinthedark @bluestarker @ whyisthisathingcb

#starker #peter parker x tony stark

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flor3nces · 4 years

Text

interested | noah schnapp x fem!reader

i know i haven’t written anything in a while lolol and i’m sorry for that! i just haven’t had any inspiration for anything but luckily this idea popped into my head while i was watching minecraft videos. i don’t watch stranger things but i’m a huge simp for noah so. i’m sorry if your name is sophie just change the name if it is. i haven’t seen many noah imagines on here but then again he’s a minor and i wouldn’t want to read smut about a minor for gods sake. if this is disrespectful or anything please tell me and i’ll take it down. i might never write for him ever again but who knows. if i do ever write for him again, just know it will not contain any smut whatsoever. he’s 15 and i refuse to write about a 15 year old having sex. that’s gross.

“hey guys! how are you? i hope you’re doing well!” sophie said as she finally got her phone set up. you were sitting in beside her as you watched comments flood on.

many of the people that looked up to her knew who you were. she had tagged you in a couple of pictures but your account was private as you didn’t want them digging into your private life.

you didn’t even accept her other influencer friends not wanting to be associated with them. it wasn’t that you didn’t like them or anything but you didn’t really like the vibe they were always giving you.

“oh hey noah!”

you were playing subway surfers not really paying attention to her or her live. “y/n, look noah schnapp’s on here!”

you have heard about him. you weren’t a fan of stranger things, like at all. you didn’t watch it as you saw clips of it and it just didn’t peak your interest. however, sophie loved the show and would always try and get you to watch it. but it never worked.

“i didn’t know you were friends with him.” you say as you put your phone having died in the game. “well now you know.” she said as she smiled.

you sent a smile to all the people watching before getting up to get a snack. “you want something?” sophie shook her head.

when you entered the room again, sophie was talking to someone. “did you end the live already?”

“no, i’m still on. i guested noah, stupid head.”

you stick your tongue out at her and sit beside her. you turn on the tv and watch whatever was on not really having interest in your friends conversation.

“hi y/n.”

you didn’t hear the voice as you were very focused on what was happening in the show. sophie noticed and nudged you a bit.

“what.” you grumble as you didn’t want to miss what was happening. “noah said hi don’t be rude.”

you resist the urge to roll your eyes and grab sophie’s phone. “hi noah.” you held the phone at an angle that you liked, not wanting to look bad in front of thousands of people.

noah let a smile take over his face when he saw you. he’d never tell sophie this but he’s had a thing for you ever since he stalked sophie’s account when they first became friends.

he was scrolling through her pictures when he came across a picture of you. it was birthday post she had posted pictures of you in front of your birthday cake.

you looked utterly beautiful in the photo. a huge smile on your face as you had spent the day with your friends and family.

he requested to follow you but wasn’t accepted. he had remained requested for quite a while. he just thought you didn’t want to do anything with him. but when he asked sophie about it she had told him that she never checks her follow request as she didn’t want “famous” people following her.

noah couldn’t help but feel his heart sink just a bit when he realized that she may never talk to him.

“hey! how are you?”

he slightly cringed at his voice. he had a deep voice but right now it was really high pitched. it only ever happens when he’s nervous or excited. right about now he was nervous.

you let a small laugh. “i’m good actually. how are you? i’ve heard that you’re pretty famous.”

“that’s great! i’m doing okay,

i wouldn’t say i’m famous though.”

yours and sophie’s laugh could be heard. “are you kidding?” sophie asked as she moved her head into frame, eyeing noah.

“yeah. aren’t you part of like one of the biggest shows right now?”

noah couldn’t help but let out a laugh at your words. “yeah i guess you could say that.”

“well, i’m going to let you go back to talking to soph. it was nice talking to you!”

noah tried to hide his disappointment as your face was gone from the screen. “wait!”

sophie looked at noah before handing the phone back to you. “could you accept my request? i’d like to talk to you more.”

this was it. he was finally shooting his shot. well, not technically but it was a start. you couldn’t help but let a confused look take over your face before smiling. “sure.”

and with that you gave the phone back to sophie. she sent you a look before talking to noah.

he couldn’t help but wonder if your answer was sarcastic or if you actually meant it. he had come to the conclusion that he’d just have to wait and see if she accepted him.

after sophie ended the live, she eagerly turned to you. “oh my god! he totally has the hots for you.” you pause the show and look at her confused.

“what? no he doesn’t. he was just being nice, soph.”

your friend rolled her eyes at you. she couldn’t believe how oblivious you could be sometimes.

“how did you miss the way he looked at you! literally when i turned the camera around to your face his whole face like lit up!”

you open your mouth to say something only for it to shut when sophie started speaking again.

“he doesn’t even know you that well and he’s already fallen for you. i mean, who wouldn’t though you are literally so gorgeous!”

“soph, you’ve got to stop overthinking these things. he was just being nice.”

“sure. accept his request! come on.”

you quickly grab your phone and unlock it. tapping the instagram app, you’re immediately met with a picture of gracie abraham. you can’t help but smile seeing that she had just released her album and like the photo.

you click on the follow request and you finally see all the people who want to get into you account. “accept my friends y/n!” sophie says as she sees all her friends wanting to follow her. “no, i told you i don’t want them following me.”

searching noah’s username in the small search bar that instagram has so you don’t have to scroll through all the accounts just to find one.

you’re met with a bunch of fanpages for him and have to scroll a bit but eventually find his account. you press accept and follow him back.

not even a second later a message pops up on your screen.

Noah Schnapp®

hey :)

#noah schnapp #noah schnapp imagine #noah schnapp oneshot #noah schanpp fluff #stranger things #stranger things cast #imagines #fiction #writers #celebrities #noah schnapp x reader #noah schnapp drabble #noah schnapp fanfic #please dont let this flop #tell me if this is like disrespectful or anything #please #i worte this late at night #dont let this flop #lmfao it already flopped

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tundrainafrica · 4 years

Text

Title: Hacker

Summary:

"Education has reached a new frontier. Given the pandemic and the need to continue educating the youth, many companies have started developing ways to eliminate distractions in the online classroom. Eduguardian is an MDM solution designed to support our educators and guardians in their mission to create the optimal learning environment for children."

Brookland starts using Mobile Device Management solutions for the student's devices and Alex naively tries to find a way to bypass it.

Written for the SpyFest fic exchange, Dec 2020

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Prompt:

"Alex is noticed as having a lot of potential (be it while he's on a mission or just going home from school but is paying a lot of attention to his surroundings and gets noticed by some criminals - not the ones he's investigating- or by some other intelligence agency; either way, they don't recognise him as a spy) and someone tries to recruit him. MI6 isn't exactly happy with the whole ordeal, especially when Alex gives the offer some serious consideration (or he doesn't, it's up to you. MI6 is still pissed)."

Notes: I am so sorry I took way too many liberties with this hahahah. I hope it's still recognizable? An attempt at crack. (Do people actually follow me for Alex Rider content?)

When Brooklands got into the trend of holding both online and in-classroom classes, Alex was out on a mission.

In fact, he didn’t even notice that most of his classmates were joining him when he was doing modules his teacher so kindly sent him. Probably because his downtime to actually look at those modules consisted of those times in a helicopter minutes before he was to skydive and land onto the roof of another military headquarters.

The change was gradual but it was there. Alex though, having had too many things running through his head never did notice it. That is until he opened one of his devices during class to see the browser Safari was blocked on his iPad.

Your school has not provisioned this as a Class App. Please contact your school administrator if you believe this is a mistake.

“What the hell is this?” Alex whispered, mostly to himself.

“Oh yeah, it’s blocked. You have to use the Eduguardian browser now,” Tom answered from next to him. He reached out over Alex’s shoulder and clicked on something on the lower screen of Alex’s ipad, a green app with a badge on it

“What? Why?”

“Yeah, something about ‘educational technology being the new frontier’ and ‘having to protect children in an online setting’…”

With Tom’s mannerisms, Alex could almost imagine the speech drilled into his classmates heads while he was away. He didn’t have to imagine for too long though. An ad of Eduguardian was one of the few things they were at least allowed to access during class. For some reason, Alex found himself more interested in the ad than in the actual class.

Education has reached a new frontier. Given the pandemic and the need to continue educating the youth, many companies have started developing ways to eliminate distractions in the online classroom.

Eduguardian is an MDM solution to support our educators and guardians form a better environment for your children.

MDM?

“Eyes up.” And just like that, before Alex could even figure out the implications of an MDM, his screen froze then locked and he was left with nothing better to do than listen to his teacher.

The teacher flashed the questions on the board. “Pop quiz everyone!”

A link was sent to his iPad. It opened up to a google form with one essay question History was generally one of the easiest subjects to google.

How were peasants in western Europe similar to serfs in Russia? How were they different?

It was an essay so at least they were given time and space to research. Or so that was what Alex thought. Having been a student for many years, and for a long one year, having been a student who was constantly behind. Alex had built very efficient methods for research.

As Alex opened up wikipedia, he soon found out what cruel reality.

“They blocked Wikipedia?”

“Apparently, starting with wikipedia is lazy research.” Tom answered softly back, looking not at all convinced with the school’s strategy.

For the first time since his first mission, Alex was not happy to be back at school.

Hacker

“It doesn’t end there… When you get home, your parents have control of the gadget. They can set curfews, set up restrictions. This invention is fucking crazy,” Tom ranted as they made their way home that afternoon.

For Tom it was. Alex was sure though Jack wouldn’t be too strict about it. She never was. She was more like a sister than a parent to him after all.

All hopes of a normal day though were dashed when he came home to find Jack as confused as he was. “Brooklands never told me about anything like that.”

“You’re kidding...” That was a declarative statement. Alex did not want to even want to plant the possibility that maybe, just maybe she knew nothing about it. “Every student has to have an assigned guardian... “ Alex watched as Jack’s eyes widened in what could have been realization. As she did, Alex was starting to understand what she meant, having stumbled upon the same conclusion.

Hacker

“Alex, you have to understand, MDM is the new frontier. With the internet, we can’t just have kids running around watching porn or war movies without supervision.”

“This is a bunch of horseshit. You’re infringing on my right to privacy.”

“You’re acting like we have never done this before Alex. Besides, it’s not like we’re watching what you’re doing 24/7. Just enough to keep you safe… and your content age appropriate.”

Mrs. Jones’s justification had Alex rolling his eyes. He had checked his web filtering settings that afternoon to see that all violent Youtube channels and subreddits had been blocked. Keywords like blood, guns and suicide have also been filtered out. But you’re so ready to drop me at the line of fire when convenient. He would have wanted to say. By then though, Mrs. Jones was looking back at her paperwork and Alex knew any argument would have been futile.

Any argument towards Jones at least. Alex still had allies among MI6.

“Smithers, how much do you know about this MDM thing?” Alex asked as soon as he closed the door behind him. He was aware that the walls were soundproof and he made little effort to regulate his voice, having wasted too much of his patience talking to Mrs. Jones. He had twenty other things to say more insulting to ‘horseshit’ after all.

“Well, it’s all the rage now but it’s nothing new. MI6 has been using mobile device management systems since before to watch their employees.”

“Why does MI6 have to be the one assigned to ‘parent’ my school account?”

Smithers shrugged. “They are your legal guardians.” The man had a face about him, as if he didn’t want to be involved. Alex knew Smithers had a soft spot for him and he just had to use it to his advantage.

For a few more moments they were silent. Alex though continued to stare at Smithers, widening his eyes a bit and twisting his mouth into a little pout, or maybe a face of disappointment. All he intended to show though was a little bit of hopelessness and awareness of the unfairness of his situation.

It may have worked. It may have not worked. It was enough for Smithers to let out a big sigh, bring out a USB and connect it into his computer. Within minutes, he placed it on the table, gesturing for Alex to take it. “Don’t you dare tell Mrs. Jones about this.”

Hacker

It was a quick install virtual desktop interface.

It was a straightforward solution to the MDM that ravaged his iPad and within minutes of installation and booting it up, Alex finally had access to whatever else prepubescent boys usually preferred to search up privately.

Through the VDI at least. Alex noted. That virtual desktop had become Alex’s one stop shop for blocked content for both days at school and nights at home.

When in school, Alex already had a disadvantage when taking pop quizzes and for once he actually felt that MI6, or at least Smithers, was doing their part to undo the damage of missed classes. He had finished one of his quizzes for literature thirty minutes before the class ended because of the quick access he had had to sparknotes using the VDI Smither’s had given him.

“Alex, what the hell---” Tom whispered. Or it was a little too loud to be a whisper for a very paranoid and guilty Alex. He quickly pushed at Tom’s chair so the boy beside him would lose his balance and distract him. That gave Alex enough time to close his VDI and pretend to struggle as he reviewed his already completed worksheet.

Tom didn’t buy it. “Alex, you know something we don’t.” He had whispered to him soon after students started to file out of the classroom.

Tom was his best friend in Brookland. Within a few minutes of listening to Tom’s outrageous theories and rants, Alex finally caved in and requested for Tom’s USB. Within a day, he had copied that file to Tom’s USB and the latter had it installed on his laptop, just in time for their next exam.

Tom looking a little too relaxed for the next exam was what set off alarms for the whole class. Tom had a secret he didn’t want to share and somehow the class knew. No one just became above average overnight. Especially someone like Tom.

Alex was approached a few days after he had given Tom a copy of the file. It was when he had passed by the toilet which was reserved for things other than conventional uses of the toilet, did he run into someone who reeked of whatever they smoked inside.

“I have a business proposition for you,” he said, a whiff of smoke following suit.

Hacker

A week passed and suddenly everyone was finishing their exams thirty minutes earlier. The teachers had attributed it to the effects of a good MDM. Alex’s wallet was a little heavier so he wasn’t complaining.

That was until he found a black sedan in front of his home with a man in a suit and a quick message from Mrs. Jones.

The ride to Mrs. Jones office was been silent, save for a terse “go in!” as soon as he arrived in front of her office. He heard venom in that voice and was sure she was at least trying to be polite but was probably seething.

Mrs. Jones did not waste any time. “MDMs are an important part of national security Alex.”

“Yes. I’m aware of that.”

“Then what am I hearing about a mass production of VDIs packaged externally.”

Alex shouldn’t have been surprised that she found out about it. He found cold chill brush through him as she pointed it out. “Where did you hear that?”

“We had to investigate the suddenly very impressive results of the students in quizzes over a three week period. And they traced it to one school, Brookland.” Mrs. Jones glared at him accusingly. “You can’t just hack into MDMs!”

Alex brought his hands up defensively. “Why do you suddenly think it’s me?”

“Alex, no boy your age just suddenly stops watching porn for a month."

A week later, all devices were wiped and all USBs ceased. The damage had been done.

At least Alex got to keep the money.

#alex rider fanfiction #alex rider #tom harris #tulip jones #derek smithers #an attempt at crack

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illfoandillfie · 4 years

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ok sorry but how many people do yall think rog has ever slept with cos i’m guessing four figures no lie

okay, i don’t normally respond to messages like this because, frankly, i dont really feel like its my place to speculate on roger’s sex life. Theres a difference between writing a fiction story with a character named after and inspired by him and discussing his actual personal life which i have no real knowledge about. What he gets up to in his free time is between him and the women he does it with. but i didn’t really feel able to ignore this one. please don’t take this as me telling you off or shutting you down or anything like that. If you want to speculate about roger’s body count thats up to you, go nuts with it. and i love when you guys message me and I don’t want to discourage you from feeling like you can talk to me or just send me your random thoughts or whatever about any subject. But I feel like I need to address why I disagree with this sentiment. Also so I can ask ya’ll to please stop asking me questions like this.

So firstly, just to get this out of the way. 1000 is a lot. even 100 is a lot. I think if rog had slept with 1000+ people he’d have a least a few illegitimate kids and probably would have been checked into rehab for sex addiction (not to mention STIs and such because lbr people in the 70s specifically probs werent the most careful especially if drugs were involved). I mean even if we were going to say Rog got lucky with a different woman after every show we wouldn’t reach 1000. According to google, Queen played around 700 shows in their entire career. If we add shows played by The Cross thats only another 67 odd shows (according to wikipedia).

now, i think there are 3 things that contribute to this idea of roger as especially promiscuous. 1. His attitude/demeanour/general way he sells himself. 2. the generally held conceptions about rock stars and rock star behaviour. and 3. what i’m going to call fandom dumbassery (but i mean that with a lot of love)

So lets start with the man himself. Roger Taylor is loud and opinionated and not particularly humble. He knows he’s talented and attractive though for at least some time he was a little self-conscious about how feminine he looked. He’s always up for a laugh, likes to party and has admitted to enjoying his drink and his women. He’s had kids with two different women, who’s relationships “overlapped”, and is currently married to a third. At least that’s the perception we can gleam from his interviews, behind the scenes videos, and other public appearances.

It’s easy to see how that image leads to accusations of being a womaniser and a cheater and basically a bit of a slut lmao. But here’s the thing. I think Roger, in part, markets himself that way. The thing is, if you look at his solo songs and the relationships he currently has with his kids and their mothers, and things other people have said about him/his relationships over the years, I think it’s fair to say he also has a bit of a romantic streak maybe? idk if thats the best way of describing it...he’s self confessed to not being a fan of marriage and the like but he’s not opposed to writing and singing love songs and seems to believe in ~love~ as a concept/power. He certainly cares deeply for those closest to him. Whether or not that translates to an agreement with monogamy I can’t say for certain. It’s hard to draw conclusions here because a lot of what we know of his personal life was fed to us through magazines and news paper gossip column articles and they were never looking for the truth, they were looking for scandal and sensationalism.

For instance the whole thing with the overlapping relationships. I think most people who have read anything about roger and dom and debbie realise that it’s not as cut and dry as “he was cheating with debbie and left dom for her” even though that was the story being sold by the press at the time. The reality (or at least the version closer to reality since obviously no one outside of them and whoever they were closest with knows all the nitty gritty details) is that rog and dom had already split when they got married. it was a marriage of convenience to make sure her and the kids would be looked after financially etc even after he’d moved out. So while it looked to the public like he married one chick and 30 odd days later was spotted with another, there really wasn’t anything untoward happening. I’m not saying he never had casual hookups or one night stands and i’m not saying he never cheated, but I do think some of it’s been exaggerated, whether by him to encourage the rock star perception or by newspaper/magazine articles.

Now, obviously, we have stories of rog, particularly in the late 60s and into the 70s, being with multiple women. There’s that bit in the Interview with a Queen “Groupie” (which is a fantastic read and i defs recommend checking it out if you havent already) where she talks about roger being a chick magnet and says that, at the time, it was pretty common to sleep about. But, she also says she didnt notice him doing it more or less than anyone else and seemed to mostly be with Jo (his girlfriend at the time). This is the same Jo that got a mention in the Queen in 3D book (”i think we all had the feeling that these two were together for life, but it was not to be”). Conversely, we have that quote (which i cannot find rn but i’ll link it when i do) about roger sometimes having one girl upstairs while another waited in the garage for them to be finished. I think it was about Rog in the mid-late 60s in Truro but whatever. Obviously he wasn’t anywhere near celibate and it’s likely was sleeping with people outside of his relationship(s). But one has to assume that as he got older those kinds of antics stopped happening, at least as frequently.

There is one potential story that I remember reading somewhere along the way about Roger cheating on Debbie while she was pregnant. But, take that with a grain of salt because I can’t find the article again and also I think it was from like The Sun or something equally as rubbish. The press was notoriously always printing mean shit about the boys and that might have been another thing they published to create scandal. Even so, if we assume it’s legit that is still only 1 story. Not to throw him under the bus but Brian is the one with multiple confirmed affairs, who literally wrote songs about it all. So why is Roger the one with sleazy reputation?

This is where my second and third points come in. There is a pervasive idea about what it means to be a rock star. The whole trashing hotel rooms, sleeping with groupies, passing out drunk every night thing. And I’m sure that Queen was like that to an extent. I think it’s pretty common knowledge that all of them got up to shit on the road. Between innuendo laden interviews and songs, videos and accounts of their parties, stories CT has put online, and other stories like the one of Roger bringing out lines of coke as dessert when he was having dinner with motley crue. They definitely embraced the rock and roll lifestyle. And I think with Roger’s personality being what it is, it’s easy to link him to those traditional rock star tropes and say it was all true all the time. I also think Roger has done nothing to counter those beliefs. He’s been open about how he wanted to be a rock star since the minute he picked up a guitar, he’s labelled himself as a great lay in magazines, he’s joked about girls pulling their tits out over dinner in interviews (though he said he didnt take her home), he’s written songs like One Night Stand and Dirty Mind and Airheads which explicitly mention his preference for women and alcohol. I think it’s fair to say he’s kind of encouraged that view of himself. Whether it was just a side effect of being part of such a well known band and having such a boisterous demeanour/personality, or whether it was intentional as a version of promotion i don’t know. maybe a mix of them? I mean I’m sure it didn’t hurt sales and stuff. it’s the whole guys want to be him, girls want to be with him thing, right? Maybe that’s just me being cynical though lmao.

Anyway, the fandom brain has taken all of that and compressed it into memes and jokes about rog being the band slut. Which i’m not complaining about, lord knows i’ve made the same jokes and reblogged the same posts and used those tropes in my fics. They’re funny and lend themselves to interesting fic concepts. Plus, i think roger is the sort of person who would probably laugh about most of it. But it’s an idea that keeps feeding into itself through fandom, perpetuating what is probably a misguided view of his personal life.

Again, I am sure he’s had his fair share of fun and I’m not trying to make out that he was always perfect or whatever, but I don’t think he’s been with as many women as the popular discourse would imply and I certainly don’t think he’s in the 4 digit numbers.

#i7558vjvug #please god dont let this start anything #im just here to write smut and have a good time

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demoisverysexy · 3 years

Text

What is Truth?: A Faltering Mormon Epistemology

So this is my church talk from this past week. I had a lot of fun writing it, so I thought I'd share it here. Do be warned that this is like, full of theology, philosophy, and Christian and Mormon stuff. So if that's not your cup of tea, get out while you still can! But I can say that my takes on religion might be out of the box enough for some people to maybe consider staying longer than the might normally. I hope you enjoy it, or at least can tolerate that I'm posting it. :3

One of my favorite exchanges in all of scripture takes place in John 18. Here, Jesus has been betrayed by Judas, Peter has denied knowing him, and his other disciples have fled, leaving him to be arrested and mocked by the religious leaders of the day. And then, he has this strange conversation with the Roman governor, Pilate:

33 Then Pilate entered into the judgment hall again, and called Jesus, and said unto him, Art thou the King of the Jews?

34 Jesus answered him, Sayest thou this thing of thyself, or did others tell it thee of me?

35 Pilate answered, Am I a Jew? Thine own nation and the chief priests have delivered thee unto me: what hast thou done?

36 Jesus answered, My kingdom is not of this world: if my kingdom were of this world, then would my servants fight, that I should not be delivered to the Jews: but now is my kingdom not from hence.

37 Pilate therefore said unto him, Art thou a king then? Jesus answered, Thou sayest that I am a king. To this end was I born, and for this cause came I into the world, that I should bear witness unto the truth. Every one that is of the truth heareth my voice.

38 Pilate saith unto him, What is truth? … (John 18:33-38)

In this exchange, Jesus articulates brilliantly the difference between how his kingdom operates, and how the nations and kingdoms of the world operate. While the nations of the world legitimize themselves through violence, Christ’s kingdom is legitimized and sustained by truth, and those who seek and witness it. While the nations of the world are marked by division, anyone who is of the truth is a follower of Christ.

Pilate’s reaction to Christ is telling, I think. He doesn’t know what to make of him. Pilate lives in a world of the rulers and the ruled, the conquerors and the conquered. In short, he lives in a world where winning is everything. The kind of world that Jesus posits is incompatible with- incomprehensible to, even - the world in which Pilate lives. In Pilate’s question, “What is truth?” I think there lies a deep, abiding cynical skepticism of the truth Jesus offers. Or any truth, for that matter.

But what is truth? Even if Pilate’s question was delivered cynically, it’s still important to ask. Countless philosophers and theologians throughout the ages have had different ideas on that. In the medieval era, the common idea that truth was centered primarily on God, and his Word in the Bible is the key to accessing his truth. Then came the renaissance, and people began to use human reason and observation to discover truths, which gave birth to science as we know it today. Other philosophers thought truth was reached through competing ideas being synthesized, or that there was no single viewpoint capable of describing every possible truth. I think each of these views has something unique to add to the discussion on what truth is, and - much to the chagrin of anyone who knows me well - I will talk about them at length with anyone unfortunate enough to be within earshot.

For this talk, though, I’m going to focus on what truth does. I think that understanding how truth works is essential to understanding what it is, and how to find it. More though, I think looking at truth in this way can help us know how to better hear the voice of Christ, and understand what he is trying to tell us. To help with this, I will be focusing on something of a look at a case study: the events leading up to Joseph Smith’s First Vision.

Joseph Smith grew up during the Second Great Awakening, a time of great religious upheaval. Lots of religious groups were springing up, all passionate in their love for Christ and the pursuit of the truth. But that passion, sadly, quickly turned into strife. As Joseph puts it in Joseph Smith History,

For, notwithstanding the great love which the converts to these different faiths expressed at the time of their conversion, and the great zeal manifested by the respective clergy, who were active in getting up and promoting this extraordinary scene of religious feeling, in order to have everybody converted, as they were pleased to call it, let them join what sect they pleased; yet when the converts began to file off, some to one party and some to another, it was seen that the seemingly good feelings of both the priests and the converts were more pretended than real; for a scene of great confusion and bad feeling ensued—priest contending against priest, and convert against convert; so that all their good feelings one for another, if they ever had any, were entirely lost in a strife of words and a contest about opinions. (JSH 1:6)

These people, in their pursuit for truth, turned against each other, filled with anger and hatred for each other. Each one of them was so convinced of their rightness, and so convinced that the simple fact of having the Correct Information was sufficient to satisfy their own Righteousness, that anyone who did not have enough of the Correct Information was less righteous, and therefore less worthy. And what they were arguing about was the message of Christ’s love! In using the fact of Christ’s love for us as a weapon, they, as Paul puts it, “changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator,” (Rom. 1:25).

And because of the anger, contention, and confusion caused by the dissonance between truth and hatred, Joseph couldn’t find the truth. In his words,

...so great were the confusion and strife among the different denominations, that it was impossible for a person young as I was, and so unacquainted with men and things, to come to any certain conclusion who was right and who was wrong. (JSH 1:8)

Whatever these people were doing, it wasn’t spreading messages of truth. Divorced from love, and tethered to anger, hate and disgust, these believers of all backgrounds were incapable of listening to one another, learning from each other, and finding the truth. Worse, their strife made it hard for other seekers of truth to find it themselves.

If strife, hatred, and disgust cause truth to flee to the nearest exit, then I think that it is safe to assume that when love is present, so too is truth. Where there is truth, there is love, and where love resides, so too does truth. This leads me to one of the defining aspects of what truth does: It causes love to increase. To find truth, we must have love, and once found, truth increases the amount of love we have. Paul puts this beautifully in Ephesians 3, where he describes his wish for the saints in Ephesus:

That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. (Eph 3:17-19)

Grounded in love, we are more capable of seeing the truth. And seeing the truth, we come to know of the love of Christ, and are thus filled with “the fulness of God.” And as John puts it, “God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him,” (1 Jn 4:16). To be rooted in the love is to be rooted in God, and it is only rooted in love that truth can be found.

This love is not thoughtless, and it is not blind, however. If it was, it would be incapable of seeing the truth. The love of which Paul and John are speaking of here is the love that Christ has for us: a love that functions as a form of deep understanding. Animated by the desire to see things as themselves, this understanding makes love possible, by helping us to know how best to address the needs of those around us. I think this understanding of love might help us understand how central to Christ’s atonement was his experience of our suffering, pain and sin. As Alma puts it,

And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance… (Alma 7:11-13)

On Alma’s account, Christ’s embodied understanding of us was - and is - central to the love and mercy he offers us. Without it, the miracle of his atonement would not be possible.

Understanding and truth as Christ does is central to loving as he does. And loving as Christ does - loving all, even our enemies, radically, fully, and unconditionally - is central to holding truth. More, in loving our enemies, we become more capable of seeing and understanding the truth. Adam S. Miller, my favorite Mormon theologian, puts this idea brilliantly in his book, Future Mormon:

Even sinners love those who love them. Even sinners love those who repeat what they want to hear and confirm what they already know. But such love is thoughtless. Those who hold the truth and are fearless in it will be marked by their confidence that every truth can be thought again-indeed, must be thought again-from the position of the enemy. Their confidence in this extension of the truth will be rooted in God’s promise that the truth must rise on the evil and the good, it must rain down on both the just and the unjust. All truths, in order to be truths, must be thinkable from the position of the enemy. All truths must be thinkable as an act of love for the enemy (71-72).

What if we, as Christ advises, “turn the other cheek?” What if we turn to see what our enemies are looking at? What if we were to try to see what we, from our limited perspectives, are missing? Animated by love, we are humble and fearless enough to know that we do not know everything. We recognize that we are all too shortsighted to know all that we must know, and that it is only through “the least of these, [our] brethren,” that we can hope to more fully see the truth, and in so doing, be filled with the love of God.

I admit now, that this is not really about truth. Or if it is, it is only about truth as much as it is about love. Love is really the central point: Without love, there is no truth. More, as Paul puts it:

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not [love], I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not [love], I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not [love], it profiteth me nothing. (1 Cor 13:1-3)

Absent love, knowledge, power, faith, and miracles are nothing. More, without love, we are nothing. Goodness, knowledge, miracles, and faith only gain their power as such through love., and it is only through love that we can be fully ourselves.

[Love] suffereth long, and is kind; [love] envieth not; [love] vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. [Love] never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. (1 Cor 13:4-8)

Animated by love, filled to the brim, we will have everything we need to seek after the truth: humility, patience, joy in the truth, hope, endurance (all traits that the best scientists, philosophers, and other professional truth-seekers share). Even if we don’t have a full understanding of the truth (which is a sure bet), and even if we are wrong (which is also probably the case), if we have love, we can’t go wrong.

For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, [love], these three; but the greatest of these is [love]. (1 Cor 13:9-13)

If God is to be believed (and I think we should trust him on this, at the very least), there are “many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God,” that are yet to be revealed (Articles of Faith 1:9). There is so much we don’t know: Things that others have learned but we haven’t figured out yet, things that we’re just on the cusp of figuring out, things that we can’t even begin to comprehend. In the meantime, we must be ready for it. And it is only through love, the greatest and most important virtue, which never faileth, that we can be ready for the challenging truths that God sends our way.

In our own pursuit of truth, if we are guided by love, we will have all the tools we need to find the truth. Alma, talking about faith, outlines how this process plays out in our lives:

Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me. Now behold, would not this increase your faith? I say unto you, Yea; nevertheless it hath not grown up to a perfect knowledge. (Alma 32:28 -29)

Growth isn’t always pleasant. It often hurts quite a bit, to grow physically or as a person. But filled with love for God and the truth, we will be able to tell that the swelling we feel within us is enlarging our souls, and making room within us for an increase of love. Once we give place in our hearts for the truth, even if we do not have a perfect knowledge, we will be filled with the sweetness of the truth, which will in turn fill us with love. Truth fills us with love, and love makes us seek out the truth, hungry for more.

Joseph Smith, when he was seeking for the truth, discovered another resource to find the truth: God himself. In his studies of the scriptures, he stumbled upon one scripture that stuck out to him in particular: 1 John 1:5. “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” If our own faltering ability to love is not enough to help us find the truths we cannot see, then God, in his infinite mercy and love for us, is more than happy to provide what we lack. This truth of God’s love and willingness to provide to his children shocks Joseph. He has tasted of this truth, and he becomes hungry for more. As he puts it,

Never did any passage of scripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine. It seemed to enter with great force into every feeling of my heart. I reflected on it again and again, knowing that if any person needed wisdom from God, I did; for how to act I did not know, and unless I could get more wisdom than I then had, I would never know; (JSH 1: 12)

But Joseph did know what to do. He had just enough love and truth in him now to know what he needed to do next. And once he did that, the truth and love he received was beyond anything he could previously imagine. That is a story for another time (though I’m pretty confident you all know how that story ends), but I think that this moment shows how the life of a truth seeker appears: as a constant hungering for truth, which in turn leads to an increase in love and understanding, which, once again, leads us to seek more truth. And so it goes.

Returning to the exchange between Pilate and Jesus, I think it’s safe to say that while we might understand truth a little better, we still don’t have an answer to Pilate’s question. But we understand something Pilate doesn’t I think: The truth that the Christ was talking about: “To this end was I born, and for this cause came I into the world, that I should bear witness unto the truth. Every one that is of the truth heareth my voice.” The truth that Jesus is speaking of is the truth of his love for us, and by extension, his Father’s love for us. Knowledge fails us, prophecies fail us, our loved ones will fail us, even we will fail ourselves. But God and his love will never fail us. Trusting in his love for us, and loving him in turn, we will be filled with the sweetness of the truths he offers, and a sight clear enough and a heart big enough to seek out the truth ourselves. And when we fail to love, and miss the truth, God and Christ, in their great love for us, will fill us all the more with their love and truth. And thus filled with love, we will have the courage to embrace whatever truths God sends our way.

#religion #theology #mormonism #christianity #philosophy #queerstake

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captain-kelli · 5 years

Text

can i preach?

I’ve done my absolute best to stay quiet (which is entirely out of the ordinary for me) because I’m still new to this community. I didn’t want to make waves. Ruffle feathers. Rock the boat. Whatever other fucking metaphor that you can think of to say that I kept my mouth shut in order to please others.

That stops right now.

In staying quiet this week, I’ve been able to listen to both sides of the argument, look at pretty hard evidence, and come to my own conclusions based off of what I’ve learned. Here’s what I know - two things happened that caused harm to this community.

1. Plagiarism

Hopefully, by now, we can all agree that taking someone else’s work and presenting it as your own is wrong. Real people are behind these screens spending time crafting stories for you to read. When you take their words, it’s theft. Plagiarism is a pretty big fucking deal. Things that it is not:

An accident

A mistake

Insignificant drama

2. The Response

Apologizing for the choice is a great way to start making amends, but an apology is just words unless followed up with action. Learning that the apology was made only after the entire affair was made public is problematic. Only removing two of the plagiarized pieces and not the rest is problematic. Not giving credit to the original authors is problematic. Arguing with people who are rightly angry over the offense is problematic. When you’ve done something wrong and then tried to cover it up, you don’t get to control the emotional response.

And I understand wanting to support a friend. I do. It’s valiant and noble. But do you know what else friends do for one another? Call each other out on their bullshit. I can tell you right this minute, I have several friends on this site alone that would hold me to account if I ever did something like this. I would want them to. I believe they would do it lovingly, ask what led me to make a choice like this, and help me move forward. But they would never excuse my actions. And they shouldn’t.

Give the people here time to process and work through their feelings. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing, but it’s not owed. Your path there might look different from someone else’s and that’s okay.

So how do we, as a community, move forward?

My man, Jay-Z, said it best when he said “we change people through conversation, not through censorship.”

I believe there is a distinct difference in toxicity/bullying and addressing a widespread problem across an entire community. It is possible to be outraged over something awful and do so without being mean. I know because I’ve seen several people on here do it.

Plagiarism should be talked about.

Public debate can be healthy. It’s how we learn from one another and hold each other to a higher standard. It’s when we don’t talk through our problems that we become angry and bitter. And I can promise you this - bitterness will prompt brilliant writers to leave this space or keep them from creating anything at all.

That’s not what we want.

How do we get writers to stay?

We start by creating a place that’s welcoming. We have to support each other, be kind to one another. Just some quick ideas off the top of my head to help you out with that:

Engage with content you like. Like, reblog, comment, send a nice ask. Let the author know you’ve enjoyed the thing they created. It’s nice.

If you’re going to send in an anonymous ask, think twice about your words. Remember that there is a very real person about to read your message. Is what you’re about to say kind? Is it true? Is it necessary? If it’s not, don’t send it.

Be purposeful about interacting with smaller blogs. Writing and sharing work is terrifying when you’re new at it so even one interaction is enough to give that author a boost in confidence.

This is a community. Participate in it. Reach out and make new friends. Elevate the conversation beyond the shallowness.

If you’re reading this and have ever struggled to find a place in this community, know that you have a friend in me. I’m literally the most outgoing person ever, I love meeting new people. It would be my absolute pleasure to get to know you and support you.

Just be good to one another, fam.

#fandom discourse #support writers #youngmoneymilla

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randomoranges · 3 years

Text

it’s like one idea and two blurbies. also the joke is we never get to read about the date ha ha

i guess this is like the conclusion to the whole kate and ét thing. ish.

Date Night 20XX

“So, I have a question,” Étienne typed out and hit sent. He’d been texting with Edward for a good half hour now and there had had been something he’d been itching to ask his boyfriend for a while. He wiped his hands on his pants, feeling ridiculous for suddenly being nervous, but – this was an unusual question and he was both parts excited and nervous for Edward’s potential answer.

“Sure, go ahead,” Edward’s answer read.

Étienne took a deep breath and steadied his nerves. Of all the things he’d ever asked Edward, this was tame in comparison to some past questions, but – still.

“I know you sometimes go out as Kate – like for fun and I know Calvin’s taken Kate out before – so, I was wondering – well, I’d like to take Kate out. One day. It doesn’t have to be on my next visit! And I totally get if it’s some exclusive thing you – Kate does with Calvin and I respect that, but yeah, I’d like to take Kate out at some point. Just – to a restaurant or something. Spend an evening together – or brunch or – something. But – I’d like to go out. In public. With Kate.”

There was an extremely long wait before Edward’s next reply.

Étienne’s nerves went on frenzy and he tried his very best not to freak out. He told himself that no, he had not just scared Edward away and that no, his boyfriend hadn’t just been insulted by what he’d just asked him. Edward was two time zones away. He had a life. Things he did. Maybe his phone had died. Maybe he’d gotten a call. Maybe he’d gotten distracted. Maybe he’d received a parcel. Maybe a hot guy had shown up to strip for him.

“Maybe you’re over thinking this,” He told himself. Out loud. Like a normal person.

His phone buzzed.

He nearly dropped it in his haste to open it up to read the new message.

“Oh darling,” The first message read and Étienne’s stomach sank – this couldn’t be good. Edward was probably trying to let him down easy – trying to spare his feelings and such. Then again, Edward seldom ever called him darling.

“I would absolutely be tickled pink if you took me out on a date.” The other message read.

Étienne blinked to make sure he’d read correctly. He even took off his glasses to make sure they were clean.

“Kate??” He asked, just to be sure he hadn’t missed anything. This was new. In fact – all of this was still very new. He’d been going to see the shows, as many as he could, whenever he was in town and Kate was performing. He’d been – good about it, really. He and Edward had talked long and hard about this and he’d been doing his best to show that he was supportive and to make up for being a right old jerk in the past. They were moving past that and enjoying this new normal. It was a new chapter and he absolutely loved where this was going and genuinely enjoyed going to watch the performances.

“Hello darling,” She answered him back quickly, “It’s good to hear from you.”

“It’s always a pleasure! So it would be okay? You wouldn’t mind going out with me?”

“Not at all; I was starting to think I would need to be forward and ask you myself! But I’m ever so pleased you’ve taken the initiative. I would love to! In fact, if you felt up to it, we can go out on your next visit.”

“Really?” The last thing Étienne wanted to do was to misinterpret her message and find himself in an awkward situation where Kate would feel pressured into doing something she didn’t want to. They had time. Lots of it. They could wait. Do this on a different occasion. No rush.

“Absolutely. Did you have anything specific in mind?”

“Well – sort of. I really would like to take you out to dinner, but I’m open to other suggestions if you don’t want to do that. I’m also open to restaurant suggestions, even though I have done my research, but you do know the area better. And, you can drive, if we’re going by truck or whatever, but you are absolutely not paying.”

Étienne kept an active list of restaurants Edward had casually mentioned wanting to go to and he and Calvin actually exchanged on other such pertinent information. Of course, the list wasn’t as thorough as his own list of Montreal locations, but he had a fair amount of places he knew Edward liked and that Edward would like going to. He just hoped the overlap would apply for Kate as well.

Kate sent him a string of emojis from one that rolled its eyes to one that cried while laughing, “Somehow, I’m not surprised, but that sounds lovely. You can make reservations for whichever night you please, but do let me know, so I can make sure to be ready on the right day! And if you need any other suggestions, I’ll be more than happy to give you some.”

“Sounds good!”He felt giddy. He had an actual date with Kate! He was already looking forward to it. Not that he hadn’t before, but his excitement had suddenly shot up.

“It’s a date then <3”

“It absolutely is <3”

Étienne made sure to make their reservations over the weekend of his visit. It gave them both ample time to settle in around each other and catch up and if ever Edward wanted to back out for whatever reason, it gave him a chance to do so. That last thing he wanted was for this to turn into a disaster. This was another big step for the both of them and even if he knew it wouldn’t be perfect, he wanted it to go over smoothly.

On the day of the actual date, Étienne found himself to be actually nervous, which he thought was funny in its own way. He could count on one hand the number of times he’d been nervous for a date and he wondered what that meant. He was giddy, also, since this would be the first time he’d be going out with Kate. It would be different from a show and different from the post-show evenings they’d spent together, when Kate had lingered for a while longer.

But, if anything, Edward had also seemed a little nervous and that had reassured him. In fact, his boyfriend had shooed him out of the bedroom what felt like hours ago in order to get ready and Étienne had taken the spare guestroom to change as well. Being ready, he took to the living room and sat himself on the couch, trying to distract himself while he waited for his date.

He was busy twiddling on his phone, refreshing a page on one of his social media accounts, when he heard footsteps approaching him. He quickly put his phone away and looked up, only to have his breath catch in his throat. Kate stood in front of him, in a gorgeous evening dress that complimented her complexion nicely. It was deep mauve, with delicate patterned flowers that went throughout and the a-line dress flared out at the hips and worked wonders with Kate’s body.

Étienne found himself standing and wiping his hands on his trousers, as he took a step forward towards her. “You look stunning,” He murmured, slightly breathless at the sight of her. She flushed, pleased, and swatted his chest playfully.

“You charmer,” She said, “Can you help me clasp my necklace? I’m afraid I’ll ruin my nails.”

Étienne nodded and followed her back to the bedroom, where Kate’s necklace was waiting on the dresser. Étienne prayed for steady hands as he looped the chain around her neck, while she held up her hair for him. He managed to get it clasped on the second try and then watched as the pendant hung around her neck. It really did bring the ensemble together, as he caught their reflection in the mirror and paused to appreciate the sight.

“We make a lovely pair,” He said as he placed a careful arm around her waist. Kate leaned into him and Étienne couldn’t help but smile, his eyes still on both their reflections, who smiled back at him.

“Don’t we?” She asked, grinning, before she turned to look at him and pecked his cheek. Étienne was surprised by the gesture, but couldn’t help but laugh, pleased by her boldness.

She laughed when she noticed the faint lipstick stain on his cheek, “Oh, this gives me an idea,” She said as she reached over for her rouge and powder, “Would you mind?” She asked as she held up a brush.

Étienne hesitated for a moment. He’d been – reacquainting himself with makeup again; nail polish and mascara – sometimes even eye shadow and eye liner, but it had always been at home, very rarely when he went out. But this was an important night, after all and he wanted to look good for Kate. He nodded, finally, figuring this was a big night and a big step they were taking together – he might as well go the extra mile.

Kate looked pleased as punch as she rummaged for a shade that would look good on him. Her movement was sure and her strokes gentle as she worked her magic on Étienne. She checked in with him every so often to make sure he was all right, but every time he assured her that this was fine. In the end, she settled for something soft. She added a bit of lip-gloss for effect, subtle shiny eye shadow and called it a success. “There,” She said as she stood back and took in her work, “I think we’re ready to go.” She added with a reassuring smile.

Étienne spared himself a glance and had to admit that he liked the way he looked – the way they both looked. He also liked the fact that it had been Kate who had added these finishing touches to him. “Yeah, I think so; shall we?” He asked and offered her his arm. She gladly accepted it and after putting on their shoes, they headed out for their date.

FIN

#pc: montreal #pc: edmonton #edward murphy #étienne maisonneuve #kk the magnificent #pc: kk the supreme #fic #projocanondoko

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heavenlysan · 5 years

Text

Cruel Love 8

Words: 3,7k

Chapters:

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

(Y/N's POV)

He was the last man I was expecting to see at my door, what is he even doing here? He shouldn't be seen around here. I open the door and I quickly drag him inside.

"Are you insane?" I exasperatedly yell. Dylan was standing there with a pizza in his hands and confused for suddenly getting scolded.

"Well hello to you as well dear" He makes himself at home and gets directly to the kitchen "I know we're not supposed to be in touch but I think we seriously need to talk and I brought pizza because you always said to never show up at your place without food"

"I can't share details with you about the case you already know that" I sit at the table right in front of him.

"It's not necessarily about the case I just think something wrong is happening" He moves his bangs exposing his forehead he has a big bruise, what the hell happened? "You know how I called you and asked you about a paper?"

"Yes, but how is that connected with your bruise? What happened to you?" He starts eating a piece of pizza, why is he so calmed?

"I told you I was going to clean your apartment while you're staying here for God knows how long right?" I nod. "When I got to your apartment everything was a mess and I thought well Y/N isn't always precisely clean so it wasn't a big surprise and then since everything was triggering my perfectionistic ass I cleaned first and then later I searched for that paper, when I finally found it"

"Dylan just go to the point" I shrug playfully.

"I'm getting there, I found the paper and I left it on top your couch so I could just take out the trash go back to get the paper and then leave but that's where it got weird"

"How?"

"While I was taking out the trash I got beat up" His smile disappears. "You know how I always think positive before jumping to conclusions so I thought well Y/N doesn't live in the most secure neighbourhood so maybe someone confused me with someone, but then it got weirder. When I went back inside your apartment the paper wasn't there anymore"

I rest on my chair, not understanding what is happening right now.

"And I wanted to know exactly how close were you able to get with that man, what was his name Choi San?"

"So what you're saying is that you think it was him?" He nods and I chuckle without realizing. "How could this possible be him? For several reasons first my last case has nothing to do with him, he doesn't know you, he doesn't know I lived there and last why would he need that paper?"

"Listen I just have a big hypothesis, but first does he like you?" I keep quite genuinely not knowing how to answer that after all San only said I think I like you but didn't confirm it "Okay that silence confirms it he likes you, listen here I go he most likely found out about you being a detective but he likes you so he is just gonna pretend nothing happened to keep seeing you, but he is a jealous possessive man and just wants you all for himself and mistook our friendship with something else and beat me up and stole my paper just to mess more with me" This time I laugh loudly, hysterically.

"Ah I was having a bad day but thank you for making me laugh like that" But he doesn't laugh "There's a lot of not clicking stuff in your hypothesis first of all I don't think San is that type of man if he had found out that I'm a detective he would've killed me without hesitation. And I'll tell you why but you better keep it to yourself because I'm not supposed to be sharing stuff about the case with anyone but Irene"

"Who am I even gonna share it with? My dog? Just keep talking"

"One of his friends told me something about San, I don't remember his exact words but something about how he thought the whole relationships thing was over for San so It's been on my mind that probably he went through some bad stuff with women or was I don't know maybe betrayed and now he probably has a hard time trusting people so" I take a pause to finally get a bite "if he takes betrayal like a stab in the heart I don't think I would be alive if he knew the truth"

"And how did you manage to make him open up"

"I got lucky I guess, besides I don't really see him as a possessive man because.." I look up from my plate when I realise I was about to unveil San's recent crimes. "He doesn't have that vibe"

"Okay then maybe I'm a bad detective and I read everything wrong, but just be careful with this man the FBI sent you with zero undercover training"

"I think you're the one who should be careful, just connect the dots Dylan, you are looking for a murderer who kills people every year on the same day, when you arrived at my apartment everything was a mess like someone was desperately looking for something, the paper, the important clue to the case and then you got beat up and suddenly the biggest clue disappears. I think they know you're looking for them"

"Now I know why they didn't want me to go in your place you're a better detective than I am" He laughs despite all the things I said of the possibility of the murderer knowing his moves.

"You are the one who trained me does that mean the student surpassed the master?" He chuckles "But I'm being serious please be careful out there I don't want you dead"

"I'll be fine, you better than anyone else knows how tough it's our job we're always in danger but we keep going" He looks at me tilting his head a little bit "Being out of that office helped you a lot you look… alive"

I almost choke on my pizza "Are you saying I looked dead before?"

"No there's just something different about you, you needed some fresh air I guess"

Dylan stayed for the rest of the afternoon, we didn't really keep talking about each other's cases, he just rambled on about random things that crossed his mind. Talking with him has always been so easy and funny while working he made work less stressful. And this time it definitely felt refreshing talking with someone from my real life with no yelling like the times I talk with Irene.

The night came before we even noticed.

"Just call a taxi this street isn't really crowded and not many taxis pass around here you'll be waiting outside in the dark and the cold for too long" I said with a worried voice.

"It's okay mom, I can walk a few blocks and then take the bus no big deal" He smiles and rolls his eyes.

I cringe at him calling me mom, but I've always been protective when it comes to Dylan, my only friend "Did you even hear a word about my whole tedtalk of taking care? Or it went in one ear and out the other?"

"No, it didn't I promise I'll be careful and look behind my back wherever I go" He raises his pinky and locks it with mine.

"A pinky promise, really?" I cringe even more but he's always like this. He then smiles and waves goodbye.

I close the door and I can't help but feel worried about him, even if we got the conclusion of San not being the one who beat him up there's still someone out there who did it, who knows his moves and where I lived. If I could only remember what was on that paper but it's been quite a long time since I read all the things I compiled about all the people killed and all of the suspects.

I sit on the floor in front of the couch, there's this feeling inside of me like a pain or a knot in my heart, that makes me… sad? like a presentiment like some bad shit is gonna happen soon and it worries me, I don't want more bad things happening in my life I'm over it I already went through a lot of bad stuff I deserve a break.

I bury my hands on my pockets and I feel a tiny paper I take it out and it's San's phone number with a message

Princess I know you're mad at me but if you need me for anything don't hesitate to message me or call me whatever you prefer I'll be there as soon as I can.

When did he even put his phone number inside my pocket? A brilliant idea crosses my mind. I have his phone number, with that I can hack his phone in its entirety. Most people have their bank accounts linked to their phones so payments can be ten times easier. This way I can not only have access to his phone but all the payments he makes, all the phone calls he makes and know everything he's involved in.

Last time Irene forgot her laptop here, in just a matter of minutes I have it connected and ready to get in his phone, hacking has never been hard for me. I type all the codes I need to get inside I do everything correctly and perfectly and I finally have access to his phone. I stare blankly at the screen in front of me. Nothing. There's nothing in there no bank accounts, no contacts, nada. It's probably a new phone to communicate just with me, he really is smart and careful with everything he does.

Frustrated I go to bed and try to sleep, I've had enough of this day I feel like I'm doing everything wrong. And I can't help but feel useless normally I'm efficient in the way I do my job but right now I feel like I haven't moved forward at all.

…

"Do you really think that attractive and rich man likes you? Wake up Y/N now that he knows everything about you, he sees you with pity you're just part of a charity, his good action of the day. Be smarter for once in your life" That man yells right in front of my face "You're still ugly and useless, he just wanted to have sex and he got it and now he's just going to desapear" For once I try to speak back but I can't it feels like my words drown in my mouth and can't be released "What? you want to speak? Are you gonna be a bad girl? Just remember that nobody can hear you" He starts approaching me untying his red tie trying to touch me.

"No!" I wake up tearing up, shaking and completely covered in sweat. I thought the nightmares had ceased but I guess I was wrong. I get up to get a glass of water still trembling. In moments like this I really hate being all alone. I glance at the clock 6am when did I even sleep that much? A hard and desperate knock on the door startles me and makes me accidentally drop my glass of water.

"Y/N open the door it's me, Irene" She yells. But why is she here way earlier than she said she will? And knocking like that. I open the door and there she is but to my surprise she isn't alone she's with two cops by her side.

"What are you doing here so early I still don't have any updates"

"I ordered you to be a prostitute not a full time criminal" She pushes me hard against the wall handcuffing me "Y/N you're under arrest for the brutal murder of Oliver Miller"

"Who the fuck is that?" I try to resist but the cops interfere.

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in court. You have the right to talk to a lawyer for advice before we ask you any questions"

"Get off me I didn't do shit" I yell and I kick but it's useless they're not hearing a word I say.

"You have the right to have a lawyer with you during questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be appointed for you before any questioning if you wish. If you decide to answer questions now without a lawyer present, you have the right to stop answering at any time."

I try to run but it's all in vain, I don't even know who that man was, this has to be a big misunderstanding. They push me into the car handcuffed and barefoot. I know exactly how this works even if I speak and demand explanations, they see me as the criminal right now and they won't speak back to me and I'll just be wasting breath. I have to keep quiet till we get to the department to have an interrogation.

"Killing a man, I really don't know what was crossing your mind" Irene says without looking at me, using her sleeve to clear the fog accumulating on her window.

I know she's doing that on purpose to make me talk about it but whatever I say right now will be used against me later on. I won't fall in her trap.

We get to the station and I feel sick and cold, this just can't be real. I don't even know the man they're talking about. Irene is sitting next to me without saying a word.

"Get her ready for interrogation, the mother's victim is still in the room, she's gonna have to wait a few minutes" I recognise that man it's a detective but from a different department than mine I've seen him a few times but I don't remember his name.

I see a lot of faces passing by in front of me some familiar some unknown but this time it's different right now I'm seen as the criminal, as the guilty one and all the people passing in front of me look at me with a disgusted expression on their faces

"wasn't she a detective?"

"I saw it coming to be honest"

"but she's so young"

"I always thought she looked like a weirdo and a little suspicious"

I hear people murmuring things about me and I can't help but feel sad. I am innocent. But none of them stop to see the facts.

"You, come here we have some questions for you" Irene stands too "She has to come alone, we already have a lawyer for her" The detective from earlier says.

I go to the interrogation room I've been in charge of interrogation before but it's been just a couple of times. There's another man in the room my lawyer I assume.

"Miss y/n this is your lawyer Mr. Thompson and I'm detective Jones" He sits in front of me I'm really nervous and I just want to scream of frustration because I shouldn't be here but I have to look normal and calmed "We're aware of the case you're involved in right now, but miss you have to know that you're not above the law, why did you tortured and killed Oliver Miller?"

I keep quiet for a moment, I have to think this through and not just answer out of frustration.

"We have evidence of your previous actions against this man, it's footage of a security camera across the street from your apartment" He hands me a computer and now everything makes sense, it's the man who was harassing the other day. But this video shows what I couldn't remember, turns out this man not only said nasty things to me but he dared to touch my butt and I was right I punched him more than I remembered.

I know I didn't kill him but San… His words hit me like a thunder. Leave her alone or I promise I'll kill you. Oh God San why…

"That's you in the video isn't it?"

"It is me I just didn't know his name"

"It's obvious that my client was defending herself as you can see in the evidence Oliver Miller sexualy harassed my client" My lawyer says showing back the screen to detective Jones.

"Yes and that's why she had reasons to kill him, is that why you did it?" He yells and stomps his hands on the table. He's trying to intimate me and get me to confess out of pressure and fear.

"I did had an altercation with Oliver Miller but that was, like my lawyer just said self defense against a sexual predator and that was it I didn't see him again after that"

"The thing is miss, we don't have more footage after that little fight, did you delete it? We know how good you are at hacking" That's a good argument actually. But it's bullshit.

"No I didn't hack anything I don't have my computer with me in my new apartment"

"Really? Because we sent people to check your new apartment and there's a laptop in there and you know what we found? You were hacking something before the police showed up"

"My client said she doesn't have her computer with her in this new apartment" My lawyer replies.

"Yes my lawyer is right I don't have my computer, that laptop is not mine is Irene's, my supervisor"

"What were you hacking then?" This detective I swear… I know he's just doing his job but still.

"That was part of the case I'm working on right now and according with my contract I'm not supposed to share details about it with anyone but Irene" He looks at me exasperatedly, he knows I'm a detective and he knows getting me to confess out of pressure is not gonna work with me. He leaves me alone with my lawyer for a moment.

"Miss Y/N you need to tell me the truth so I can have good arguments did you kill that man?" My lawyer asks while opening his briefcase to get a little notebook.

"No I didn't, I swear"

He leaves the room as well. In my opinion I think I did pretty good. In a certain angle I lied, I don't remember beating that man that much or him touching my butt. But if I had mentioned it they would've imprisoned me immediately if I didn't remember beating that man they're going to think I don't remember killing him as well.

I also could've used Dylan as a witness, he saw me the whole afternoon till the night fell but they could punish him as we're not supposed to have contact. And last I could've blamed San on the spot so easily, but… I couldn't. Before throwing him to the FBI I want to speak to him directly.

Irene enters the room I thought she had left already.

"I got an agreement" She says as she sits in front of me.

"What is it?" I reply

"Mr Miller was found in front of his building his body stayed in the rain for too long and that erased every trail of the murderer. Since you're the only suspect the mom of the victim demands a punishment" She looks at me more serious than she ever looked "You're not going to jail, but you're gonna lose your credibility as a detective and after you're done with your undercover mission you're going to be fired since this brings a bad image to your department"

"You're crazy" I say shaking my head this just can't be happening right now.

"Careful with the way you talk to me I managed to get this agreement but if you don't want it we can send you to jail" She angrily gets up and stands in front of me.

I don't want to cry specially here, I hate crying in front of others. But this is so unfair. "Why should I keep going with the case, you can do it on your own then"

"It doesn't work like that you signed a contract" She sits again "The mother of the victim will think that you went to jail and for that she doesn't have to see you around the neighbourhood so you're gonna have to leave that apartment"

"Does that mean I can go back to my old apartment?" I discreetly wipe my tears away.

"No and the FBI can't get you another one, stay in the car we gave you for awhile"

This time I slam my hands on the table and she jumps startled for my sudden action "So I'm not only gonna lose my job but you also want me to be fucking homeless?"

She nods "Is that or going to jail, it's your choice"

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