#in case someone has that tag blocked lmao
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HELP one of my players is making a goblin pc and i JUST realized the adventure im using has goblin baddies Immediately
#uh oh!!!#do i try to reskin goblins to smth else less ethically challenging for the very very firsr adventure???#do i leave it?????????#wait. funny third option.#i say these are oblins. absolutely no relation to goblins just a weird bit of linguistical coincidence. and change nothing else#ok yeah i got this panic over#marty martynates#dnd#in case someone has that tag blocked lmao
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AHHH when I saw your reblog about Luke's view of the brothers and how it goes against everything he was taught about I was DELIGHTED reading through it. It makes me wonder what if there was a situation where Luke has to confront his internal conflict head on? Like imagine a scenario where the person he looks up to (could be another angel) and they expressed their disdain towards the brothers to the point on acting ignorant on WHY they fell in the first place. Its also worth mentioning that Luke used to admire Lucifer even more so than Michael. Falling from grace is one of, if not the worse things that could happen to an angel. It's practically ingrained in his mind that he should avoid doing what the brothers did. But shouldn't an angels' job is to protect? Especially if its their family? Their own kin? It would be so interesting to see him actually having to question his own morals and values, but also depressing when you consider the fact he's still a child and he's forced to come to the realization that everything he believed upon could be a lie 🥲
Yessss!!!! Not to get theological here but I believe love in religion is bound with sacrifice and I feel like that's something Luke will struggle with the most because he is taught he is a creature seeping with boundless benevolence and the Celestial Realm is a place full of paradise but they are restricted by it. You have to act a certain way or you will disappoint everyone. If you go too far, you will fall. If he begins to doubt, will he lose everything? Is he not worthy of the love proclaimed to be offer to everyone and everything when he was acting out of love?
And I guess that's why Simeon tries to ush him away from the Celestial Realm to remove that pressure that he must sacrifice himself from living just to remain perfect in the eyes of others while also pointing out that either realms are not so terrible bad as it seems (Positive the devs are not thinking this deep but even Luke both in nb and obm! openly talks about how much more fun it is being around the others and in the Devildom, even if he is hesitant about it still)
There's so much potential here but it's shame we probably won't see stuff like this at all lol, it would be a nice introspection especially when it's coming from someone who is so in love being an angel and has been sheltered away
#simeon is on the level where he doesn't know what to feel about all of this#he's even more tired than lucifer who has been freed from his shackles#i guess apathetic is the right word??? but that sounds harsh lmao#so we have one angel who loves being an angel enough to sacrifice themselves blindly and another who is tired of being one imo#anyway thank you for taking the time to read my silly thoughts :'D#letters#iristiquess#obey me!#<-- just in case someone has the tag block
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TRICK OR TREAT!!!
fuck, i love this concept.
sour skittles + ghostface + the craft, pls 🤲🏻
(smut is always welcome, although i know that is highly dependent on whatever it is i just chose, lmao)
❀ Pairing: Vernon x afab reader
❀ Summary: Vernon has been one of your best friends for years. Shy, quiet and calm, he’s always been a steady rock for you. He has no idea you’re in love with him, but that’s neither here nor there. After a strange series of events on Halloween night, Vernon seems a little… different, and the new version of him both terrifies and thrills you.
❀ Word Count: 21,558
❀ Genre: Supernatural, Friends to Lovers, Thriller
❀ Type: Smut, Angst
❀ Rating: 18+ Minors are strictly prohibited from engaging in and reading this content. It contains explicit content and any minors discovered reading or engaging with this work will be blocked immediately.
❀ Warnings: Explicit language, recreational drinking and smoking, crude humor, some of the members of SVT are a bit of an asshole in this - it is not a reflection of how I think of them, mentions of occult practices, a NOT ACCURATE spirit summoning/ritual, mentions of a murder suicide case/event, mentions of murders, light mentions of blood, mentions of infidelity, catching someone in a sexual act (not the main couple), Vernon is a bit of an asshole at times, mentions of insecurities/confused feelings, I owe Chan and Mingyu an apology for how I wrote them, sexual tension, some angst, sexually explicit content including thigh riding, oral (f. receiving), nipple play, a lot of biting and scratching, choking/breath play, vaginal fingering, a lot of spit and cum mentioned, unprotected sex, references to sub space, Vernon takes a dom role but it is not explicitly established, Vernon gets a little bit possessive, calls reader a slut a total of one time, some light finger sucking, reader is at several points annoyed with the women in this fic which can come off a lil bitchy, general creepy scenes in woods and in some dark spooky places.
❀ Additional Content Warning: It is implied by the end of this fic that Vernon is possessed to some degree by a spirit in this. I make zero distinction as to whether it’s Vernon or the spirit calling the shots or if there is even a difference/distinction between the two, which poses the fair question of consent in parts of this that I do not address or provide nuance to. The lack of clarification is due to the POV of this fic being entirely from reader’s perspective and she doesn’t have a clue what’s going on until the very end, and thus we are unable to unpack to what degree this character is or is not himself. If that lack of nuance bothers you, that is valid but this is not the fic for you.
❀ A/N: This was supposed to be a drabble. This was supposed to be a drabble. THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A DRABBLE. Anyways, Jade my beloved you got Vernon + Friends to Lovers + Slasher and honestly it’s less slasher and more supernatural so I actually totally apologize but I leaned too far the other way I’m so sorry soifsdiofjdfiogj I love you love all the specific easer eggs for you and also show you to Jade because they specifically helped me write the Mingyu ‘graveyard smash’ line thanks bye
❀ A/N 2: Alternative summary for this fic is Hali repeatedly drags Chan because she loves him so much
❀ Reader Notes: This reader is never explicitly gendered as girl/she/her etc. so I have listed them as an afab reader.
❀ Disclaimer: Disclaimer: All members of Seventeen are faces and name claims for stories. Any scenarios or representations of the people and places mentioned in works are not representative of real-life scenarios. Moreover, none of my works accurately reflect, represent or take a stance on the nuances of Korean culture, cities, people etc. Seventeen members are not Seventeen culturally, intellectually, physically, or representationally in my stories, and should be considered name and face stand-ins for made up characters.
Main Masterlist ❀ Tag List Request Form ❀ Ask ❀ Haliween
Cool wind lifts the pages of your book, threatening to flip them over. You press your fingers flat to the page, fighting to keep them from flitting over and losing your place in the story. There’s not much daylight left in the sky as the afternoon dies to make way for the evening, but you’re eager to finish the chapter, craving to unravel the mystery you’ve been working your way through the past week.
Atmospheric sounds play in your headphones as you read. Your legs are crossed, book in your lap as you sit on the concrete wall separating the quad from one of the sidewalks on campus. Now that there’s a chill in the air, you crave being outside, finding the opportunity to sit wherever you can on campus to crack open a book before the sunlight finally fades.
Flipping the page, you only get a split second warning of the shout you hear through your headphones before something hits you in the back of the head. You yelp, dropping the book to the ground as your headphones clatter from your head to the grass from the impact.
Scowling, you swivel around to see Mingyu jogging over, his hand over his mouth as apologies start pouring out of him. A flush creeps up your neck as he approaches, his friends and fellow fraternity brothers watching from afar. Some of them are bent over cackling, the others have their hands on their head, visibly stressed from hitting you with their football.
Again.
“I am so sorry,” he pleads, running a hand through his sweaty hair. “Seungcheol threw wide.”
“Maybe play on a rec field, then?” You snap, sliding from the wall, picking up your headphones and book. You kick the football toward him, irritated. “There’s literally so many other places you can play. Don’t you have a yard at your little frat house?”
“It’s being used for float building for the Halloween parade.”
“Convenient.”
For the most part, Mingyu isn’t so bad. He’s a little loud and obnoxious, but he’s always nice and he does seem to mean it when he picks up the football and apologizes again. It’s more than a lot of his fraternity brothers would do, though it’s not much now that they’ve managed to hit you twice with the same ball.
Someone like Mingyu wouldn’t even pay attention to you if it weren’t for Vernon, though. As Mingyu retreats, the reason you’re even friends with Mingyu appears on the sidewalk, coming toward you with his hands in his pockets, hood pulled up on his head and headphones on. He lifts his chin in greeting to Mingyu, but Vernon’s brown eyes focus on you, his true destination.
Vernon pulls his hood and headphones down when he’s within a few feet, jerking his thumb at Mingyu. “What did he want?”
“He was apologizing for hitting me with the football. Again.”
“Again?”
“Yeah. They hit me earlier.”
Vernon hums, displeased. He doesn’t say much, instead turning to lean against the wall, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets again.
The last embers of sunlight hit his side profile, stunning you to momentarily silence. In a halo of fiery light, Vernon looks like a god. His light brown eyes turn burnished gold, reflecting the dying sun. His hair is spun copper, strands dancing in the breeze as he watches the world around him.
Not for the first time, you think that you understand why Helen of Troy inspired a thousand ships to come after her. Vernon’s face is the kind of thing you’ve read about in all of your mythologies and folktales for your Occult Studies major, so beautiful that it can’t be real.
If Vernon notices you staring, he doesn’t say anything. Instead, his eyes watch the other members of his fraternity play football, one of them crashing into someone on a lawn chair. He shakes his head and mutters under his breath, wearing his second-hand embarrassment silently as he watches them apologize for the millionth time.
Vernon is nothing like the rest of his fraternity. You’re still unsure why he even joined. It was something he had done his freshman year going into school, wanting to put himself out there and make friends.
He certainly looks the part - he’s handsome and in shape from playing soccer in highschool, and he’s got good fashion sense for a college student. But he’s quiet and a little awkward, unsure how to navigate conversations with most people who aren’t in his immediate circle of friends and shy to an almost crippling point.
It had taken Vernon seven weeks of being your lab partner before he finally spoke more than three sentences to you. For the longest time, you’d assumed it was because he thought you were beneath him. It wouldn’t have surprised you. Greek life on campus tended to stick with their own.
Now, you know it was because he didn’t know what to say or how to start a conversation. You’d only managed to get him to talk to you when he noticed a song by Frank Ocean bleeding from your headphones, piquing his interest.
Four years later, talking to Vernon is easy. Well, maybe not easy. You’ve got years of friendship between you now and you know what makes Vernon tick, but the butterflies you get when you’re around him and the way your heart swells when he does something so simple makes it a little harder.
Like now, as day fades to evening and the world is awash in purple and gold, and he’s looking at the watercolor sky like it's the most fascinating thing in the world, completely unaware that while he’s in awe of the sky, you’re in awe of him.
Vernon jerks forward, making you flinch. You have no idea what he’s doing until his hand is in front of you, smacking down the football that has been sent your direction again. You huff in frustration, watching as this time it’s Chan who jogs over to get it.
“Are you all fucking serious?” You demand. He slows his approach, eyes darting to Vernon as though looking for help from his friend. Vernon says nothing, bending over to pick up the football and toss it to Chan. “I should shove that football up your ass.”
“Maybe not the football,” Chan quips, catching it. He looks you up and down, head cocking to the side a little. His mouth lifts at the corner and there’s a glint in his dark eyes that makes you even angrier. “I’m open to other things, though?”
“You’re so gross.”
“What? You’re hot when you’re mad.”
“Go away, Chan!” You shriek, flustered and angry as you spin around to grab your things and storm off. You only get a few feet before realizing Vernon is still leaning on the wall. “Are you coming or not?”
He scrambles after you, nearly tripping over his own feet to catch up. Chan is snickering as he runs back toward where the others wait for him, yelling a trilling bye toward you and Vernon as you charge north toward the main campus parking lot.
“He’s so annoying,” you gripe, shoving your book in your bag. Vernon hums, noncommittal. You glance at him. “Nothing more to add?”
He lifts a shoulder. “It’s cause they think you’re hot, Lovecraft.”
You smile at the nickname, fondness sweeping through you. He’d started calling you Lovecraft your freshman year after learning about your major, deciding that it just fit. You like it - at least coming from Vernon, who understood Occult Studies was more than just spooky and magic and the metaphysical.
“They think anything with a set of tits and a hole to stick their dick in is hot. I’m sure a blowup doll would blow their fucking mind.”
Vernon’s mouth twitches at that. “You’d hate Chan’s room.”
“Don’t give me that visual!”
His laugh is warm. He bumps shoulders with yours, grinning at you as the two of you walk. You feel the telltale sign of your traitorous heart beating extra hard at his closeness, your gaze shooting to the floor as you try to hide any evidence of your feelings that might lurk on the surface of your expression.
Thankfully, Vernon never seems to notice. You’re glad that he doesn’t. You don’t think you’re very good at hiding how you feel, but he is equally bad at picking up on it, totally oblivious to the long stares and the way you fumble over your words when he gets too close.
Vernon has that effect on a lot of people. His proximity to being attractive has always outweighed his inability to make small talk among the female population on campus. The amount of times you’ve watched girls openly flirt with him and whisper about what it would take to get him to crack was insurmountable.
Autumn wind kicks up leaves at your feet. Neither one of you says anything as you walk, simply content to be together. It’s one of your favorite things about him, never feeling pressure to perform or to have conversation. Being with Vernon is just… easy. Natural, even.
The parking lot is slowly emptying as the rest of the late afternoon classes end. A few unlucky evening class students pull in, slamming their car doors and rushing off to their auditoriums. Vernon’s car is easy to find and you let yourself in, sliding into the passenger seat like it’s yours - it kind of is.
“Pizza?” he asks, engine humming to life.
“Please.” His lips twitch in a soft smile as he nods, flipping on the radio. You hum, leaning forward and turning up the volume. “I love this song.”
Vernon’s smile increases as you lean back, the sounds of Emotional Oranges filling the car. He rolls the windows down once he’s on the road proper, cool wind kissing your skin. You pull your feet up onto the seat, leaning toward the window as the fading twilight brushes past you.
Outside the car, the world smells like pine. You take a deep breath in, loving the way the October air feels just right. Fall is always your favorite time of year, and with the music playing in the background, wind in your hair and Vernon drumming on the wheel, you don’t think there could be anything better in the world.
Sal’s Pizzeria glows against the dark, a beacon of hunger and hope against the night. The giant pizza slice on the roof blinks rapidly, the neon a little bit broken. Gold light glows through the windows as you climb out the car, gravel crunching beneath your feet.
A bell chimes as the door opens and a group of students pour out, laughing and carrying boxes. Vernon catches the lip of the door and holds it open for you, gesturing you to enter first. The smell of bread and warm air hits you in the face, your lips curving as you tell the girl at the host stand two.
College students and local residents fill the restaurant. The hostess leads you to a booth in the corner, the vinyl seats creaking under you as you hop-slide your way in. She hands you the menus, her eyes lingering on Vernon as she does, lips twitching when she asks if there’s anything else you need. When he doesn’t answer, you shake your head, shooting her a thin-lipped smile.
She’s hesitant to leave but she does, casting one last look over her shoulder as she heads back to the stand. You look at Vernon too, studying him. He’s none the wiser, brown eyes scanning the menu even though you know he’s going to order the same thing.
When the server comes, Vernon does as expected: orders a diablo pizza with a side of fries. You shake your head a little, asking for the white feta pizza, handing over the sticky menus. When the server is gone, Vernon leans back in the seat, sipping his coke as he drinks you in, wordless.
You kick your feet up on his side of the booth next to him and he lets you, patting your ankle fondly when he sets his drink down. He has no idea how torturous that alone is, the simple comfort of his familiar touch enough to send your eyes averting across the room, trying to control your breathing.
“What are the favorites and least favorites this week?” he asks, balling up the paper his straw came in.
Favorites and least favorites is a game you like to play with him. It’s not so much of a game as it is a routine where you tell him your favorite piece of material from your classes and your least favorite. Most people dismiss your major as too peculiar for interest. No one knows what you’re supposed to do with Occult Studies but it fascinates you.
And Vernon, who has always had a keen interest in the goings on in your classes and homework.
“We’re in the psychology of the occult module.” He nods, eyes fixed on you. “Mostly covering the psychology of community as it relates to the occult. We have sections on covens, clans, actual cults, sects and more modern mass followings.”
“Hmm. So like… Twitter stans.”
You smile a bit. “Something like that. We covered the maenads in class today. Ever heard of them?” He shakes his head and you lean forward, elbows on the table. “They were women in Ancient Greece devoted to the god Dionysus and they were believed to be possessed by the god. They were said to have wild parties in the woods with one another where they’d do all manner of sordid things, all while under the influence.”
“A Friday night for Chan.”
“Exactly. A lot of historians call them crazy and speculate they were raving mad, but if I was a woman under the thumb of men in Ancient Greece…”
“Shit, I’d get fucking crazy in the woods with my friends too.”
“Exactly. It was more about reveling in female companionship and being unfettered from the male-dominated societal norms.”
The arrival of your dinner interrupts the conversation. Both of you lean backward, making room for the hot plates and Vernon’s basket of fries. You slide your feet down from his side of the booth, leaning to grab the red pepper flakes from the corner of the table. He grabs salt, immediately dusting his fries.
“Ugh, you could have at least let me have some first.” He looks up at you through his lashes, brows raised. “They’re already salted, Vernon.”
“Not enough.”
“You know, if you were haunted or possessed you’d never want the salt.” He gives a questioning hum. “Salt is used in purification rituals. It’s believed spirits hate it because it’s used in banishing spells and rituals. It’s why a line of salt keeps them out.”
“Good thing I’m hungry, not haunted.”
You snort, taking a piece of your pizza from the tray. “Speaking of haunted, are we going to your Halloween party this weekend?”
“My halloween party?”
“You are in the fraternity, Vernon. Yes, yours.”
He makes a face and tears into his pizza. You shake your head as he lets out a sound, huffing and tilting his head backward as he tries to deal with the too-hot food in his mouth burning him. “Ya,” he says around the slice. “I guess so.”
“What are you going to wear?” He raises a brow at you, swallowing down the hot bite. You pout, sagging in your seat. “Dude, you have to dress up. You can’t just go in a black shirt and a baseball hat.”
“Why not?” You kick him under the table and he winces, ducking down to rub at his shin. “Shit, fine. Okay, what do I go as?”
You grin, picking up your appropriately cooled pizza. ��Leave it to me.”
-
“This makeup itches,” Vernon mutters, looking up at you through long lashes. You hush him, putting the finishing touches on the black line down his mouth. “Couldn’t I have gone as something easier?”
“What is easier than black jeans and a jacket you already own, huh? Stop talking, I’m gonna fuck up this line and this makeup is perfect so far.”
It’s true. You’ve outdone yourself on turning Vernon’s face into a skull, taking inspiration from American Horror Story for the costume. Vernon is a low effort kind of person, so getting him into costume is a lot easier when all it requires are clothes he already owns and makeup that you have to do anyway.
Stepping away from him, you admire your handy work. His eyes are painted black, hollowed out for the skull. His dark hair is slicked back, the perfect skeleton. He looks… good. Painfully good, which makes you nervous and turn away quickly, heart flipping. You’re not sure what it says about you that Vernon staring at you while painted as a deadly skeleton makes your heart race but… it does.
“How do I look?”
“Terrifying,” you admit, turning back to him. “But good.”
He grins and if it were anyone else but Vernon, you’d be terrified. Maybe you did a little too good of a job.
“What are you again?”
“One of the witches from American Horror Story Coven. Close your eyes, I’m going to use setting spray.”
Darkness blankets the sky by the time you’re both scrambling down the steps and into an Uber. The driver does a double take when they see Vernon, eyes watching nervously in the rearview as you give him the address.
“That’s at a closed down gas station.”
“Yep,” you agree, leaning back into the seat.
The driver mutters something about fucking college kids and fucking holiday but otherwise says nothing about the questionable location. He doesn’t need to know that a mile from the abandoned gas station is also an abandoned farmhouse notorious for unsanctioned parties and being distinctly haunted.
Haunted isn’t your favorite thing in the world. You didn’t like to mess with ghosts, despite your area of study. You were infinitely more interested in the intersectionality of occult studies and modern culture and society and less enthused about the idea of drinking stale beer from a foamy tap in the middle of a murder house.
If the driver thinks there’s anything weird about other people being dropped off at the gas station - you’re sure he does - he says nothing, ignoring the two of you as you get out of the car and dive into the night air. Vernon is close behind as you take a few steps away from the car, eyeing the old gas station.
The windows have long since been broken and cracked, foggy with time. The stations are stripped of their labels and stickers, just white residue left behind and no pumps. A few people lounge around the building smoking, dressed in a variety of halloween costumes.
Nervous, you look up at Vernon. His smile is small and he juts his chin toward the dirt road that leads through the woods. Nodding, you both fall into step, sand and gravel crunching beneath your feet as you go. Vernon recognizes a few people associated with his fraternity and others, throwing a casual wave or a nod as you pass by people.
Music echoes down the road. It’s a little less foreboding in the dark trees when you can hear Michael Jackson’s thriller coming down the way and the dull roar of voices. The bend in the road straightens out, the line of trees giving way to flat land.
The farmhouse is pretty, even in old age. It’s two stories, glowing from within from all of the battery lanterns and lights being used to light the party. A generator roars somewhere behind the house, light flooding the yard where people mingle and crowd the kegs.
A chill slithers down your spine as you enter the yard, the broken gate doing a poor job at keeping trespassers out. Even with the lighting, shadows dance as you navigate through people, the strange anxiety crawling up your throat worsening as you near the house.
Vernon pulls the sleeve of your dress so that you’re closer to him, his fingers steady and calm as he leads you up the steps where you can clearly hear Mingyu’s howling laughter inside.
Bright light fills the house. As do a crush of people and beer pong tables, the abandoned home turned into a raucous display of drinking and debauchery. If you weren’t so distracted by the wave of people pushing you into Vernon’s arm, you might be impressed at how much you could forget the farm home was abandoned because someone had been murdered here.
“I need a drink,” Vernon announces, continuing to pull your arm after him as he plunges toward what used to be the kitchen.
It’s where you find Mingyu dressed as a lifeguard - and loudly yelling directions. He blows his whistle shrilly when he sees you and Vernon, pointing at the two of you and spitting the whistle out of his mouth to scream, “NOT WET ENOUGH!”
“What a weird way to offer drinks,” you mutter. Chan, who seems to be on lifeguard assistant duty - while dressed in a horrid felt dinosaur costume - scrambles to get you drinks, spilling rum as he tips it over into a cup. “No ice?”
“There’s not a fridge,” he pouts, shoving the cup in your hand. His eyes drink you in. “Are you a hot goth or?”
Instead of answering him, you roll your eyes and turn to Mingyu, who blows the whistle again. Both you and Vernon wince, the latter throwing back his drink to chug it all before thrusting the cup back at Chan. “That’s gonna get real tiring.”
Mingyu comes around the corner of the old island countertop, pumping his fists in the air to the music rattling through the house. “Vernon you look fucking sick!” He and Vernon do the little hand-clap-to-half-hug men do. Mingyu turns to look at you, eyes dark. “Are you like, a hot goth?”
Your smile is plastic as the whistle around Mingyu’s neck. “Sure.”
Mingyu, dancing and moving toward the living room, reaches out to you. “Come dance with me! This song fucks.”
“Decidedly not!”
“Go ahead, Lovecraft!” Vernon urges, pushing you toward the obnoxious lifeguard with a shit-eating grin as he imitates Mingyu’s voice. “This song fucks.”
Before you can chastise him for egging his fraternity brother on, Mingyu has you sucked into the dancing crowd, throwing his hands in the air as he swivels his way through the crowd. You try to knock back as much of the lukewarm drink as you can, cringing at the burn of cheap rum and not-iced coke.
Bodies pressed in. Mingyu is close to you, a hand going to your waist. You frown and look over your shoulder, eyes scanning for Vernon. You know he’s probably lingering on the edge of the crowd, watching you with a smirk over the rim of his cup as he watches Mingyu roll his hips toward you.
“Mingyu,” you snap, turning back to him when you don’t find Vernon. “It’s the Monster Mash, it doesn’t require grinding.”
“I mean, if you wanna graveyard smash…”
“You’re all insufferable! All of you!”
Still, you sway back and forth, trying to stomach finishing the rest of your horrid drink. It takes an effort, but shaking your head at Mingyu and judging him silently gets you most of the way through it until Soonyoung - dressed in the same tiger costume from last year - crashes through the crowd into the pair of you, thrilled when he realizes who it is he has slammed into.
“Hot goth!” he screams, pointing at your outfit. “Where is your other half?”
You don’t have to ask what Soonyoung means and both the drink and the accusation have you flushing. You shrug a shoulder, eyes surveying the party. Before either of you can find Vernon, Joshua appears at Soonyoung’s side, leaning to his ear to murmur something. Soongyoung’s face lights up and he grins at you, grabbing you by the wrist to yank you through the crowd.
“Hello?” you demand, pulling your wrist from his grip. “Have you heard of asking?”
“Come on, I want to show you something.”
“The last time I heard that was promptly followed by you showing me that stupid peach tattoo on your ass.”
“First of all, that tattoo is amazing.” He heads to the stairs, which you eye warily. “Second, Vernon is already upstairs, come on. You like weird ghost shit, you’ll like this.”
Without waiting for a reply, Soonyoung thunders up the stairs. You cringe, waiting for a foot to go through a dry plank and send him falling. It doesn’t happen, though. Tentatively, you creep up the stairs after him, eyes glued to each of the steps as you go.
It’s colder upstairs, the windows in the rooms open to the elements. You shiver, looking down the hall to Soonyoung heading into a bedroom. You tentatively follow him, stopping at the threshold of the doorway to survey the people inside.
Vernon is one of them, back pressed to the wall near the window, his eyes focused on his boots in front of him, hands tucked into his pockets. A girl next to him dressed as Red Riding Hood is leaning close, speaking to him rapidly. Nothing on his face indicates he’s listening. Then again, his expression is hard to read while painted as a skull, mystifying and dark as you follow Soonyoung down the hall.
Soonyoung goes straight toward a pile of things on the floor next to Seungcheol’s feet in the corner of the room. The president of Vernon’s fraternity pays Soonyoung no mind, eyes totally focused on the pretty fox in front of him, bottom lip tucked between his teeth.
Suddenly, the room feels too intimate for you, like everyone is a couple tucked away. You have half a mind to go back downstairs when Vernon looks up at you, dark eyes zeroing in. His face is ten times more intense with the skull paint, pinning you to the spot.
Everything dulls to the background for a second. You don’t dare breathe, too afraid to shatter the moment as he stares at you, unblinking. His eyes glitter in the darkness of the room, two amber pools reflecting the moonlight.
Joshua enters the room behind you, shattering the spell as you step out of his way. You turn back to Vernon, clearing your throat. He pulls a hand from his pocket, beckoning you over. Mouth dry, you obey, skittering over toward him quickly as you observe the materials that Soonyoung is sifting through in the corner. Candles. Matches. Salt. A bell.
“Soonyoung,” you say sharply, slowing your step. “Why do you have ritual materials?”
He looks up at you, his grin wide. “Told you that you’d like this.”
“What is this?” You turn back to Vernon, who shrugs one shoulder.
Hesitantly, you take the unoccupied space next to him, casting the girl at his side a cursory glance. She observes your costume. “Are you a hot goth?”
“Jesus Christ,” you mutter, head thunking against the wall as you watch Soonyoung stand, materials in hand. Vernon coughs next to you, trying to cover his laugh. You glare at him sidelong and he says nothing, but his skeleton mouth is screwed up in a smirk. “What is he doing?”
“No clue.”
Soonyoung walks over to the bedroom door, looking down the hallway before shutting it. You fight a shiver, disliking how quiet the room becomes, cut off from the rest of the world. The window near you is the only source of light, and the only one shut on the second level of the abandoned home.
“What time is it?” Soonyoung asks Joshua.
“11:45.”
“Perfect.” Soonyoung spins, eyes falling on you. “Want to talk to a ghost?”
All eyes turn to you in the room. You open and close your mouth, confused. “What?”
“Do you want to talk to a ghost? Like someone who died?”
Your eyes drift to the candle, bell and matches in Soonyoung’s hand. A tingle spreads over your skin and your spine stiffens. “Soonyoung that better not be to invite a spirit in.”
His grin grows. “Come on, you are the ghost major or whatever. You should be thrilled to do this.”
“Occult Studies. And that doesn’t mean I fuck with the unknown or make a mockery of the dead. We’ve been over this.”
“It’s basically the same thing, come on. You learn it all in class.”
“No.”
He pouts. “You’d be best at it, though. Rumor has it that when the veil is thinnest, you can talk to the spirit that haunts this house.”
“The murderer? Or the murdered?” Soonyoung shrugs. “I doubt either would be very happy a bunch of drunk college kids are trying to bother them. My answer is no.”
“Ugh. I was kind of counting on you doing it.”
“Do it yourself.”
“I don’t study ghost shit!”
“Occult! Studies!”
“Ghost shit,” Soonyoung assures the room confidently.
“I’ll do it,” Vernon sighs, pushing off the wall. “Leave her alone.”
Soonyoung’s eyes are alight as Vernon steps toward him. You reach out to grab his wrist, pulling him back. “Don’t.”
“It’s fine.”
“Vernon.”
His eyes are soft when he looks at you. As soft as the terrifying makeup allows, anyway. “It’s fine, Lovecraft. Let me. He’ll stop asking.”
“I’m right here.”
“We know,” you and Vernon say in unison. You feel warm, chewing the inside of your cheek before nodding. You drop his wrist and turn to Soonyoung, eyes hard. “Give me that, you’ll do it wrong. Tell me what the mythos is.”
“What math? You need math?”
“The story, Soonyoung. What is the fucking story of this house?”
“Right. Apparently some dude murdered his girlfriend in here and then hung himself in that closet.” He points to a door you didn’t see when you walked in, dark and far away from the window. “Legend says at midnight, ring the bell three times and step into the closet with a candle. If the candle blows out, the spirit is with you. If it doesn’t, it didn’t work.”
Grabbing the items from Soonyoung’s hand, you look at Vernon. “When you’re done, ring the bell three times again and say: Thank you, I dismiss thee. Go in peace.”
“Thank you,” Vernon repeats gently, taking the bell from your hand. “I dismiss thee. Go in peace.”
“Everyone else take candles,” you direct, voice rough with irritation. You glare at Soonyoung and Seungcheol in particular as you shove candles in their hands. “Stand in the four corners of the room. Did you bring sage, Soonyoung?”
“Bring what?”
“Of course not, why would you?” Everyone starts moving to the corner of the room, using matches to light their candles. The room feels unnaturally cold now, despite your long sleeves. Turning back to Vernon, you say, “It’s probably a stupid rumor.”
“Probably.”
“If your candle goes out, just ring the bell, say the words, and dismiss it.”
“Right.”
“You don’t have to do it, Vernon.”
His mouth kicks up at the corner. “I’m not worried, Lovecraft. You are.”
Letting out a breath, you give a laugh that’s only half-there. You are nervous. You don’t like the idea of inviting a spirit into Vernon’s space, and though Soonyoung’s little ritual doesn’t really sound right, you’re not going to correct him.
Still, you feel unsettled as you light your own candle and then Vernon’s. He cradles it in his hands as you escort him to the door. Tucked under your arm is the canister of salt. Crouching down, you pour the salt in a thick white light in front of the door, careful to ensure that there are no breaks and that it covers the entire entryway from corner to corner.
“Be careful when you step over it and when you open the door,” you instruct, standing up. The candle in your hand flickers unsteadily. “Don’t break the line. The idea is that if Soonyoung’s stupid summoning works, the spirit can’t get through the salt.”
“Banishing and all that,” Vernon recalls with a smile. Your heart flips. “I remember.”
“Come on, you only have a minute!” Soonyoung calls eagerly.
Shooting him a glare that silences him, you turn back to Vernon. “Ring the bell three times. Thank you, I dismiss thee. Go in peace.”
“Got it.”
Unsettled you shuffle back from the door a little bit. You don’t go to a corner of the room like you’ve asked everyone else, unwilling to totally leave him by himself. Heart hammering, you hold your candle in front of you, cradling the warmth like a second heart.
Vernon is unbothered. You can see it in the loose set of his shoulders and the way he sighs, already tired of Soonyoung’s antics. The party downstairs feels a million miles away as you watch Vernon stand in front of the closed closet door, looking up at it, unimpressed.
“It’s midnight,” Joshua whispers from the corner.
Vernon doesn’t make any sound that he’s heard Joshua, but he lifts the little bell in his hand. It’s a hand bell, the wood grip worn and cracked. You wonder where Soonyoung got it from, having half a mind to ask him when the first clear ring of the bell disrupts your thoughts.
The note sings through the air, your blood turning to ice in your veins. It feels like your pulse is throbbing in your neck as Vernon rings the bell hard a second time, the sound chasing the echo of the first. The third ring feels like a tremor in the air, warbling as Vernon quickly sets the bell on the floor, careful not to extinguish his candle flame.
You hold your breath when he sets his hand on the doorknob. No one makes a sound as he twists it open. He pulls on the door and it comes away with a silent swing. The darkness on the other side is gaping, like there’s no back to the closet, just a wide hole of nothing.
Vernon doesn’t seem to mind. He steps over the line of salt carefully until he’s in the middle of the closet, pivoting to face you. The orange flicker of his candle casts a haunting glow over his skull face. You swallow down a brief moment of fear before he winks and leans forward to pull the door shut.
For a long moment, there’s nothing. You feel your heart hammering in your chest, the thudthudthud so loud you swear everyone else in the room can hear it. No one moves, everyone fixated on the door. The silence is so piercing that your ears start to ring, the sound of the party completely unreachable over your mounting anxiety.
“Well?” Soonyoung whispers somewhere behind you. “I guess it didn’t work.”
Vernon begins pounding on the door. Someone screams behind you followed by a bunch of curses. You leap forward, heart in your throat as Vernon screams something unintelligible on the other side. You drop your candle, completely throwing caution to the wind as you grab the doorknob and twist.
It doesn’t move.
“Vernon?” you ask, voice spiking with fear. “Let go of the doorknob, let me turn it. Vernon!”
The pounding doesn’t stop. He is screaming in a way you’ve never heard before, his fists rattling the door against the frame. You shriek his name back, yanking at the door frantically, your panic mounting as he screams and-
When the door opens, you nearly fall backward with the force of it, stumbling over your feet. Soonyoung steadies you, to your surprise. You hadn’t realized he had left his corner of the room to help, his hand warm and firm.
Vernon stands on the other side of the door, mouth pressed in a firm line.
“You fucking asshole,” Soonyoung swears, throwing his unlit candle at Vernon. Vernon laughs, dodging it. “You fucking suck.”
“Yeah, well don’t ask me to do stupid shit.” Vernon steps out of the closet, eyes dropping to you. His mirth is edged with something sharp, a glint in his eyes that is wholly unfamiliar. “I was kidding.”
“You fucking asshole!” You screech at him, slamming your hands into his chest and knocking him back a little. He smirks and says nothing, letting you hit him a few times. “Why would you do that to me? What is wrong with you?”
“Sorry.”
“Yeah, you sound really fucking sorry.” Anger sours your mouth. Turns your words to poison. Your throat tightens up and you feel the telltale sign of tears, equal parts livid, embarrassed and offended that Vernon would do such a thing. “Fuck you, Vernon.”
Someone laughs awkwardly as you storm off. Vernon calls your name but you ignore him, bolting down the hall and down the stairs. The wood creaks uncertainty under your feet but you don’t care. You want to be anywhere but here, the hot lick of embarrassment burning your heels as you go.
You blow past Chan on your way out, his bleary eyes following you. “Nooo,” he whines. “Hot goth, come back to me!”
“Shut up, Chan!” You scream, slamming down the steps as you go.
People nearly dive out of your way, swiveling to watch the wake of your wrath as you leave the party. You ignore them, not wanting anyone to see the hot tears that spill over as you hit the dirt road, boots crunching.
It’s hard to tell what’s worse. The fact that Vernon had played a joke on you he knew you wouldn’t like, or the way you had panicked and lost all resolve to be the one in charge. Both feel awful, but the sting of Vernon’s joke is the sharper of the two, cutting you to the quick.
Vernon has never dared to do something like that in your entire friendship. You have no idea why he did it now. Was it because he had an audience? Was he drunk? Was he actually like the members of his fraternity he associated with?
You had no idea, which only made things worse. Above anyone else, you thought you knew Vernon best. But perhaps, you didn’t know Vernon at all, which was far worse than any sort of haunted spirit you could imagine.
-
The next morning, you don’t hear from Vernon. It makes your blood boil, a nasty feeling forming in the pit of your stomach as you put your phone on Do Not Disturb. You put on a big set of headphones, blaring music to keep you sane as you set about cleaning your apartment furiously.
It’s an okay distraction. The lull of clinical cleaning is nice and the music soothes the sting that nips at your heels like an incessant hound. When you run out of things to clean, though, you’re forced to face the fact that it’s nearly evening and Vernon still hasn’t said anything to you.
You don’t want to text him first. Your pride is wounded from the night before and you’re shocked he hasn’t apologized - he should apologize. The silence only makes you angrier, and with nothing left to clean in your apartment, you decide to think of all the things you’re going to say to him when he does finally reach out to you. Because you’re not saying anything first.
Vernon’s radio silence makes it nearly impossible to sleep. You toss and turn in bed, unable to get comfortable, checking your phone and social media. It’s difficult to remember the last time you went over twenty four hours without hearing from Vernon, and the realization forms a pit in your stomach.
Maybe the silence was good. Maybe you were too reliant on his friendship, the one constant that you had grown far too fond of. Maybe he was into that girl last night, making a show of you because he wanted to make her laugh or maybe he was just putting you in your place.
The insecurity wars with your logic that Vernon wouldn’t do that. He’s never had a history of that kind of behavior before, and though he might tease you on occasion, you have never been the butt of his jokes or the target of his humor.
Jokes like that aren’t even Vernon’s style. He doesn’t like cruelty, and that’s what pretending to be screaming for help was. It was cruel, and strange and it hurt.
What hurts more is the silence continuing into a second day. By the late afternoon, though, the hurt has morphed into something else. You sit on your couch, staring at the phone on your coffee table. Your pride was begging you not to text him, but your worry was starting to chip away at you.
Heaving a sigh, you pick up the phone. The tap of your nails against the glass screen is loud in your quiet apartment, the final rays of sun melting through the blinds while a candle burns on the counter.
[You 5:14 PM]: So are we not talking?
Setting the phone down, you immediately start making dinner. It doesn’t matter that you’re too early. You’re nervous waiting for his text back, which makes you feel ridiculous. Then you feel ridiculous for feeling ridiculous, validating yourself that it is totally okay to have feelings and be nervous.
“God,” you mutter under your breath. “I’m exhausting.”
By the time you’ve had dinner and watched a full episode of Alice in Borderland, Vernon has said nothing. Worry eats away at the lining of your stomach. You pause the show and pick up the phone again, dialing his number.
On the other side of the line, the phone rings. And rings. And rings.
You hang up when you get the automated voicemail, frowning. It’s all strange, and a nagging feeling tugs at your nervous system but you can’t put your finger on it.
Just as you set the dishes in the sink, your phone starts to ping. You’re grateful no one can see you in your apartment as you lurch to the phone, picking it up and unlocking it to see if it’s Vernon. It isn’t, but your heart starts to thud when your group chats with other friends and classmates in projects flood with the same rumor over and over.
A dead body had been found on campus.
Vernon doesn’t live on campus, but it doesn’t stop you from calling him again. And again. And again. When the voicemail turns on a fourth time, you seethe into the phone, fingers gripping it so hard it feels like it’ll break. “Call me back you fucking asshole! Someone died on campus and you’re not answering and I just need to know it’s not you. Fuck!”
Time passes and you get so desperate you do the one thing you didn’t want to do unless it was dire circumstances. You hit dial and bring your phone up to your ear, pinching the bridge of your nose to prepare yourself for when Mingyu answers the phone.
“Am I dreaming?” he says by way of greeting. “It was the life guard costume, right?”
“Mingyu, it wasn’t a costume. You were shirtless with board shorts.”
“But it worked, right?”
“Have you heard from Vernon?”
“Nah, why?”
“Like you haven’t seen him at all since the party?”
“Mmm. I don’t think so.” There’s a muffled sound on the phone like he’s trying to cover it when he yells, “Chan, have you seen that fuck head Vernon?” You wait impatiently, holding the phone further from your ear as Minguy yells. “Chan hasn’t seen him either.”
“Isn’t that weird? I haven’t been able to get a hold of him.”
“Nah, I mean we never really see him. Usually he’s with you.”
“Right. And he isn’t with me, I haven’t seen him since the party.”
“Well have you checked his apartment?” You hesitate. “Helloooo?”
“No.”
“Well. Do that. He’s probably sleeping or some shit, who knows.”
“Great. You were so helpful,” you deadpan.
Mingyu sounds genuinely happy when he says, “I’m so glad!”
You hang up the phone before he can say anything else.
Chewing your nail, you stare at the wall, mind racing. Mingyu has a point that it’s normal for them to never see Vernon. He is usually with you, or he’s solitary. There is little in between. He also has a point that most of the time if you were looking for Vernon, you’d just swing by his apartment.
The thought of seeing him again makes you want to curl in on yourself, but your concern weighs out. You get dressed and grab your keys, trying not to let your fear of what you might find there keep you from leaving.
Opening the door to your apartment, you get one foot out the door and then slam directly into Vernon. You reel backward, eyebrows shooting up as he steadies you by the elbow, equally surprised to see you as though he wasn’t at your doorstep.
“Easy there,” he greets, a half smile on his face.
Vernon looks totally normal. He definitely doesn’t look like he was murdered, and he’s dressed in his usual jeans, plain black shirt, and a backwards hat. For a second, you just stare at him, totally shocked and utterly relieved he isn’t dead.
Then, the anger comes.
You slam a hand into his chest, cursing at him. “Where?” Slap. “Have?” Slap. “You?” Slap. “Been?”
He takes the blows in stride. His chest is firm beneath your palm, heart beating steadily. Alive. And now that you’ve established he’s not dead, you feel so much anger ripple through you that you don’t let him answer before you’re pivoting on your foot and storming back into your apartment.
The sound of the door closing behind you followed by his shuffling as he takes his shoes off tells you he hasn’t left. A small part of you curls in satisfaction with the domesticity of his arrival, but it is blotted out by the hurt and rage at the surface of your emotions.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You demand. It isn’t as eloquent as your practiced rant, but it’s something. “You better explain yourself. And quickly.”
Vernon’s dark eyes connect with yours, simmering. You feel your heart lurch as he slinks over to the kitchen, never taking his gaze off you. The back of your neck tingles. Vernon never keeps this much eye contact and it’s both thrilling and unnerving.
“I want to apologize,” he murmurs, pitching his voice low. You watch with trepidation as he reaches out to gather your hand in his. He folds your fingers under his, pulling your hand to his chest. Your breath quickens, pulse throbbing as he cradles your fist to his chest, his heartbeat steady. “I fucked up. I wanted to fuck with Soonyoung but I did it at the expense of you, and for that I’m deeply sorry.”
Warmth spreads from his hand to yours. You don’t know what to make of the apology - it’s so unlike him. Vernon has no problem apologizing when he’s wrong, but he’s usually not so confident, so well spoken. You stare and stare, that pitless gaze of his pinned on you.
“I just…” You chew the inside of your cheek. “You really hurt my feelings, Vernon.” His hands tighten around yours and he tugs a little, pulling you closer. It’s harder to think when you’re this close, fingers wrapped in his. “You really scared me and then you vanished for nearly three days. Why did you do that?”
“I wasn’t feeling well and I slept most of the days away. Honestly.”
“You weren’t feeling well?”
He gives you a look. “I see the skepticism. I’m serious, I just… wasn’t myself. I tried to rest and I didn’t hear my phone and I’m sorry. Really.”
Vernon’s apology settles around you like a weight. You watch him, contemplating what to do next. He doesn’t look ill, his gold skin as flawless as ever, his rosy lips tucked under his teeth as he watches you, waiting. His heart thuds under your palm, his thumb absently brushing back and forth over the top of your hand.
Breathing becomes difficult. Vernon isn’t overly affectionate, but the way he presses your hand to his chest now sends you down a dangerous path. The desire for him bubbles just below your surface and you’re terrified it’ll boil over, exposing everything you’ve ever thought about him.
“Alright,” you say softly, pulling your hand from his. He lets you. “Don’t ever do something like that to me again. It was scary and I felt stupid. And I thought you were dead.”
“Why?”
Gesturing to the couch, the two of you plop down, seemingly back to normal. You’re still a little off kilter, but you report back to Vernon what your classmates had been saying. He grabs your remote and turns on the news, settling close enough to you that your thighs brush against one another. You shoot him a questioning look but he’s fixated on the TV, leaning forward to press his elbows into his knees.
The reporter on the news confirms the body of one of your fellow students had indeed been found on campus. Names and details were not yet available, but they were interviewing students about whether or not they felt safe on campus. By the second interview, Vernon was turning off the TV and leaning back.
“Freaky,” you murmur, tapping the arm of the couch. “Weird timing, right?”
“How so?”
“We just had a Halloween party in a weird murder house.”
Vernon goes silent. You turn to look at him, eyes searching. He stares at you, again the eye contact unsettling. Even though it feels like your Vernon sitting next to you, there is an edge to him that’s new. You don’t know what to do with it, shifting in your seat a little.
“Forget the murder house,” he says eventually, flicking his fingers in dismissal. “That party sucked and I’d rather forget it.”
“Yeah,” you murmur, eyeing him as he looks out the window. You swear he’s agitated, but you can’t pinpoint why. “Me too.”
-
Someone sitting down roughly next to you draws your attention away from your essay, barely audibly over the sound of Current Blue playing through your headphones. You raise a brow as Vernon slings his belongings on the table unceremoniously, uncaring how loud he is in the library.
You glance around, seeing that he’s attracted the attention of a few people at nearby tables, some scowling, others blushing. When you turn your gaze back to him, you see his mouth moving as he divests his bag of its contents, but you can’t hear him.
Pulling your headphones from your head, you ask, “What?”
“Can you help me with my organic chem assignment?”
“I hate chemistry.”
His mouth twitches as he opens his laptop. “Right, but you’re good at it. You’re the smartest person in school.”
Again, something nags at your instincts. You can’t pinpoint it, examining Vernon more closely. He looks totally normal, dressed in black jeans, a black shirt, and a jean jacket pulled over it. He’s without a hat today, his hair falling in messy strands over his brow as he sets up his area to study.
Sensing your gaze, he turns to look at you, eyebrow raised. “What?”
“You seem different.”
“Different how?” He types on his computer to start bringing up his chemistry homework. “Different as in going to fail organic chem without your help?”
“Oh shut up. I’m obviously going to help you.”
His mouth is wicked when he grins. “Good.”
When Vernon looks up at you, the world stops a little. His gaze today is fathomless, dark eyes smooth like the surface of a lake with no end. You tip into that gaze, letting yourself drown in it for a moment. Normally, Vernon would break eye contact by now, easily distracted or unrealizing that he’s got you stuck on him.
Now, he doesn’t do that. He looks right back at you. Heat crawls up your neck and your breaths quicken. For the first time since you’ve known him, Vernon looks at you like he knows everything inside your locked-tight heart.
You lick your lips and his gaze dips to your mouth. Inside your chest, your hummingbird heart hammers, threatening to break free. The corner of Vernon’s mouth tilts upward as his eyes meet yours again, and you watch, completely frozen, as he leans toward you.
Vernon is so close you can smell the spicy cologne on his skin. It’s heady and makes you dizzy, and you watch, totally lost as he wraps his hand around the leg of your chair and tugs hard. You yelp, startling a few people around you as he yanks your chair next to his, your thighs pressed together.
“What are you doing?” you whisper harshly at him, throwing an apologetic look at the people you’ve disturbed for a second time.
“How are you going to help me from over there?”
“You could have asked me to move my chair.”
The problem isn’t that he moved your chair. Not really. The problem is how close he is, leg pressed against yours and elbows touching as he shrugs and turns his computer screen toward you. The problem is how at ease he is with you nearly on top of him, his lazy smile making your thoughts tangle and your breath quicken.
This Vernon is still the one you’re used to but there’s something about him that keeps you on edge. Keeps you looking at him when his hand brushes against yours to grab a pen, or when he leans back and puts his arm across the back of your chair, idly playing with the hood of your jacket.
It’s almost like he’s flirting, and you spend half the time stumbling through his homework, barely able to assist him in a meaningful way because you’re busy decoding the subtle touches and the light teasing. You feel yourself blush more and look the other way to collect yourself more in the hour you help him than you have your entire friendship, unsure what’s happening or how to handle it.
Homework completed, Vernon stares off into the distance, his finger twisting in the string of your hoodie absently as you try to write the rest of your paper. It’s nearly impossible to concentrate like this, the intimacy more than you’re used to.
“You’re very distracting today,” you comment as you reference a text to the right of your screen. “Are you aware of that?”
He hums. “This is hardly a distraction. I could try harder, though.”
You cut a glance at him. He seems utterly serious, any sort of mirth nonexistent in his expression. There’s just that shadowed gaze, that spark of something right where you can’t reach it. You abruptly stand, surprising him as you knock his arm away from you and clear your throat.
“I need a different text. It’s downstairs, though.”
“I’ll come with you.” You raise your brows and he shrugs. “I’ve got nothing else to do.”
“Sure.”
Without another word, you pivot on your heel and nearly run for the far set of stairs that lead to the subterranean level of the library where all the old texts and books exist. Vernon follows you at a casual pace, still totally at ease despite the fact that you’re obviously unraveling.
You have no idea what his sudden interest in you is and it’s making you unspool, thoughts wild and racing as you reach the stairwell that leads down.
Damp air greets you as you start down the steps and it smells like wet carpet. You cringe, hating every time you have to come here. It’s always poorly lit and damp, not at all what one would expect from a library trying to keep books from molding. But no one really comes down here anyway, only the history majors and people like you, who require weird books long retired from the main shelves.
It’s eerie in the old stacks. There are lamps above head casting a burnt orange glow over the green, shag carpet but otherwise it’s nearly impossible to see in the shadowy parts of the room. You certainly could never read a book down here.
Vernon is silent behind you but you can feel him, his gaze burning into your back as you navigate toward the last set of rows. As you approach, you hear a sound, stopping you dead in your tracks. Vernon crashes into you, nearly knocking you over but his hands grab you, steadying you and holding you close to his chest.
For the first time today, you’re able to ignore his nearness in favor of straining your ears for the sound you heard, a small whimper, perhaps. You hear it again, distinctly human. Your heart starts to pound as you remember that just the day before there was a body found on campus, mind racing with thoughts as you stand rooted to the spot, Vernon pressed against you.
Craning your head, you look up at him. His expression is unreadable as he looks at you through long lashes, face shadowed. There’s a soft bang, like someone knocking something over. He looks over your head and back at you, shrugging his shoulder as if to say your choice.
Slowly, you move forward. Vernon keeps close, his heat radiating behind you like a furnace as you creep through the last few rows of shelving. As you near the third one, you stop and peer around the corner, eyes trying to adjust in the shitty lighting.
What you see has you snapping back around the stack, mouth dropping open. Vernon, curious, leans around you to peer around the stack. He raises his brows and steps backward, mouth pressed in a firm line to conceal his laugh.
In the next row over is a girl you vaguely recognize, naked from the waist down while someone who is very much not her boyfriend, pumps their fingers between her legs. Slapping Vernon’s chest you point toward the door, silently screaming at him to turn around and hightail it out of there.
Vernon, for a second, bites his lower lip and wags his eyebrows at you, suggestive. You glare and shove his chest. He goes easily, grinning at you playfully as he turns on his heel and heads back up to the main floor.
When you reach your table, you drop down in the chair, totally shocked. Vernon drops down next to you, laughing. “Listen, when the urge hits, I guess.”
“I guess,” you agree sharply, shaking your head. “That was not her boyfriend, though.”
“No shit?”
“Yeah. She’s dating some dude in Sigma whatever.”
Vernon’s gaze turns sharp and his eyes trail back toward the far side of the library, resting on the stairs. “Interesting.”
“Not really. That seems to happen a lot among you Greek lifers.”
“I would never do that.” The severity of his declaration has you looking up from your notebook. Vernon’s expression is cutting, his jaw flexing. “I would never participate in infidelity. Ever.”
“I didn’t mean you, Vernon.”
“I’m not like that.”
You soften a little, guilt tugging at you. So often you remember that Vernon isn’t like a lot of the people around him and grouping him in is unfair and insensitive.
“I know. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”
He nods once, turning from you to pack up his stuff. Somehow, you can’t help but feel like you’ve said the wrong thing.
-
“Oh shit,” Vernon mutters. You look up from where you’re flipping a grilled cheese in the pan. He holds his phone out to you from where he leans against his kitchen counter. “They found another body. Same MO or whatever as the first.”
“No way?”
Putting down the spatula, you grab his phone from him where he has the article pulled up. Sure enough, there’s been another murder on campus. Your eyes drink in the details, similar as before: student victim, stab wounds, message written on the wall.
“What is the Hello Darling Murder?” you ask, more to yourself than Vernon. “It’s linked here as a reference to these being copycat murders.” He says nothing. You read out loud, “The Hello Darling Murder is a case of a murder suicide that happened in the same town in 1979. It was the town’s first violent domestic crime in years, and drew national media attention for the gruesome crime scene in which a message had been written on the wall in blood.”
Vernon makes an amused sound. You look up at him sharply, staring. He has his arms crossed over his chest, staring at the floor with a mildly bemused expression. You kick him and he looks up at you. “What?”
“Why are you laughing? That’s not funny.”
“The way people sensationalize murder is weird.”
“I mean, I agree. But what is funny?”
“It’s not funny as in funny ha ha,” he clarifies. “It’s funny stupid. The media is going to sensationalize this and turn it into an entire thing.”
“Yeah, well. That’s their job.”
Off put by his dark mirth, you turn back to the article, reading further. You skip over the old murder, more interested in the details of the two new ones. Your heart seizes in your chest when you see the name and picture of the second victim, stomach roiling.
He sees your expression, pushing off the counter toward you, hands shooting your arms. “What? What’s wrong?”
In any other scenario, you’d be overwhelmed by the sudden care and affection. Now, you just turn the phone toward him, showing him the photo. “It’s that girl from the library. Her name was Sidney. She’s the one I told you was cheating on her boyfriend.”
Nothing registers in his face when he looks at the phone, his hands still resting on your arms lightly. He looks away from the screen and at you instead, a sharpness to his gaze that’s there so often you’re starting to grow used to it.
“You’re burning the grilled cheese, Lovecraft.”
-
Mosquitos nip at your skin as you walk down the narrow path between trees. You slap your hand against your neck again, muttering under your breath. Vernon chuckles next to you, keeping his pace even as you struggle to step over a fallen tree branch.
You hate the woods at night. It’s not your first time going to a bonfire deep in the woods off campus, but you don’t know why you keep coming back. Tripping over another branch, Vernon catches you by the arm and steadies you, stopping to make sure you’re okay before he lets go.
Scratch that. You do know why you keep coming back. For as long as you’ve been friends, you’ve been Vernon’s permanent plus one to all of his parties, formals and events, even if both of you hate going. It’s become a weird obligation to show up at things like this as a pair.
They aren’t always terrible, you have to admit. When Mingyu isn’t absolutely hammered, he’s mostly tolerable to be around. Soonyoung isn’t bad either, though you’re still pissed off at him for the Halloween party incident, unwilling to talk to him.
But nights like this where you have to trek out into the middle of the woods using your phone’s flashlight to navigate, you sort of loathe your unspoken oath to attend with Vernon.
Instead of focusing on the distaste and the inherent anxiety the shadows of the trees give you, you let Vernon help you slide down a ditch and climb up the other side. His fingers are firm on your wrist, not quite holding your hand but keeping you connected.
Your skin is warm and tingles when he lets go, deeming it safe enough to let you walk yourself. It’s easier to see now, too, the orange light of the massive bonfire casting a circle of orange glow that only grows as you near the party.
Party is perhaps too strong of a word for it. There can’t be more than twenty people in the small clearing surrounding the roaring fire the Soonyoung tends to, foldable chairs and coolers arranged in a circle. Chan is trying to roast a marshmallow and failing, the white snack immediately catching fire and singing in the heat of the fire.
Mingyu whistles when he sees you, catching your attention to wave you over to a pair of seats by him and Chan. You make your way there, navigating through groups of people clutching plastic cups and stepping over various sizes of coolers.
The heat from Soonyoung’s inferno is nearly unbearable, making you cringe back as he adds something that cracks and pops, sending bits of orange ash floating toward the sky.
“Jesus Christ, Soonyoung!” Seungcheol complains from his seat where a girl sits on his knee. “Enough, it’s fucking hot!”
“Sorry,” Soonyoung answers, sheepish.
Backing your chair away from the fire a little, you sit down and curl into the folding chair, accepting the drink Vernon hands you before moving his chair closer to yours and sitting down. A shiver ripples through you at the cool can in your hands. You crack the top and take a sip, trying to cool down from the blast of heat you’d taken while passing the fire.
Mingyu turns to you and Vernon as Chan pops a burned marshmallow in his mouth, the two of them immediately launching into discussions of the murders. You shift uncomfortably in your chair, listening as they recount the details in the news mixed with the rumors on campus.
So far, two bodies have been discovered and linked together. The authorities don’t want to call it a serial killer, attempting to avoid a media craze and inspiring the killer to go on a spree, but denying the murders are connected is impossible.
You’re unsure what the victims have in common. The first had been a male senior who was in the business track, discovered by the dorms near the lake on campus. The second had been the girl you’d seen in the library in her apartment off campus, and Sidney had been in the education track and a junior.
Neither of them were friends. You don’t go to a large university, but there are enough students that it’s normal to have a ton of people that you don’t know. From what anyone can tell, there was nothing the two victims had in common.
Except that they’d been murdered by someone who had left a bloody Hello Darling written at the crime scene.
A chill sweeps over you as Mingyu mentions the Hello Darling Murderer. It was the same story as before - a man had murdered his girlfriend in the 70s, a shocking and violent domestic crime that had unsettled the citizens and local university. He’d promptly killed himself after that, leaving only a bloody Hello Darling on the walls.
Authorities didn’t even know who the blood had belonged to - it took them so long to realize the couple was missing before they did a wellness check that by the time they investigated, they’d been dead a week.
Vernon snorts at that and mutters something about the ineptitude of law enforcement. You cut your eyes at him. Though you agree, Vernon is usually the last person to make degrading comments - or comment at all really.
Not for the first time in the last two weeks, you can’t help but sense that honed edge to him he has now. You’ve attributed it to him moving with more confidence, talking to people directly and making actual eye contact. You don’t know where the sudden swell in self-conviction has come from, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t look good on him.
Still, it’s got you a little uneasy, trying to adjust to this version of him.
The topic shifts to football and you find yourself tuning everyone out, sipping your cider and staring at the fire as it warms your feet. More people arrive and drag chairs up. Someone hauls a few kegs into the firelight, cheers going around the fire.
Vernon stands and holds his hand up for your empty can. You give it to him wordlessly and he heads to get you a refresh, tossing the trash into one of the trash bins.
Turning to Mingyu as he goes, you ask quietly, “Has he seemed different to you lately?”
“Who?”
“Steve Jobs,” you deadpan. “Vernon, obviously.”
“I don’t think so? He’s around a lot more lately and actually talks to us.” Mingyu pauses, thinking as he cocks his head to the side. “I mean, I guess that is kind of weird for him. He also actually goes to places with us now.”
“Exactly what I mean.”
“Hey! We are friends, you know?”
You hum uncertainty, your attention trailing back to Vernon. You observe him, noticing all the little details that are different. He stands a little bit straighter, inserts himself in conversations where he didn’t before.
Now, he stands near the keg, nodding along to something the girl next to him is saying. They’re standing close - you realize it’s the same girl from the Halloween party that had been talking to him, except this time, he’s talking back.
Vernon leans in close to her and says something, making her laugh. He bites his lower lip a little, watching her with half-lidded eyes. Your stomach turns a little, eyes glued as he brushes her arm when he reaches for the cup that Joshua hands him.
Turning away from them, you tune yourself into Chan’s conversation, needing a distraction. You try not to count the minutes until Vernon returns. When he does, the girl is with him. He drags a chair over so she can sit on the other side of him.
It’s close, their knees touching when he sits and hands her the drink he was holding for her. He turns and holds out your drink to you, which sloshes a little when you snatch the cup from his hand. He arches his brows but you say nothing, taking a large gulp and turning your back on him to ask Chan about football instead.
“You watch football?” Chan asks cryptically.
“Sure. Go Green Bay Ravens.”
He stares. “Packers. Green Bay Packers.”
“That’s what I said.”
“Hey, I’m not arguing with you. In fact, if you want to tell me what’s what more often-”
You scoff. “Shut up, Chan!”
Stuck between Vernon flirting with the girl next to him and Chan and Mingyu being - Chan and Mingyu - sours your mood. You try to lose yourself in your cup, going mute as you stare at the fire. Vernon hardly notices the shift in your mood, leaning in to the girl as they chat.
You can’t help but notice everything about them. It’s impossible not to see the way she leans into him, bumping shoulders when she laughs. He lets her, watching her with a gaze you can only describe as hungry. The grip on your cup tightens as he knocks their knees together when he shifts in his chair, leaving it pressed against hers.
It reminds you of the way he’d behaved in the library with you, brushing against you on purpose, making his words come out in a playful pur instead of what you’re used to, and seeing him do it with her now makes you snap.
You stand abruptly, drawing the attention of Chan and Mingyu but not who you want.
“I’m going for a walk.”
“Need company?” Chan offers. It seems genuine, but you give him a sharp no before you’re walking away, sticks snapping underneath your boots as you go.
Chill air licks your face as you get further from the fire. There are plenty of people dispersed throughout the general area, some people pulled far away for intimate conversations, others pulled away to pass a joint in a circle, the pungent smell chasing you as you pass them.
Away from the smoke and the noise, you feel like you can breathe a little more. You find a fallen tree, thick enough to sit on. You test your weight on it first before deciding it’s safe, swinging your leg to straddle it and look off into the dark trees.
There’s just enough light from the silver moon above your head and from the distant fire to feel safe. Wrapping your arms around your middle, you hug yourself and close your eyes, breathing in deep. The fire smoke isn’t strong here, the air clean and crisp.
Opening your eyes, you look at the sky. This far out in the country, you can see the stars. Out of habit, you start mapping out all the constellations you know, eyes tracing Orion the Hunter. You skip over to Andromeda, counting each star before moving to the east to spot Cassiopeia.
It reminds you of the time you taught Vernon all the different constellations. He’d been a silent and attentive listener, watching as you’d pointed them all out while sitting on a bench at the park. You’ve caught him drawing them more than once in his chemistry notebooks, little dots of perfect constellations memorized.
An ache you’re familiar with fills your chest. It’s the same ache you had when you realized you had feelings for him but didn’t want to tell him. The same ache you had when he’d hurt your feelings on Halloween. The same ache as when you’d seen him actually look back at someone who's interested in him, for once.
Crying seems silly, but suddenly you have the urge to, throat twisting as you stare at the sky and try to puzzle out the direction your friendship has gone since that night. As you sit on the tree, a prickling sense of awareness creeps up your spine, tugging at you.
Looking around, you see nothing. You can generally see in a good circumference, but the sudden instinct that something or someone is watching you drives you to get off the branch, hitting the ground with both feet to stride back toward the fire.
As you go, your foot gets stuck in a tangle of tree roots again, making you stumble. You curse, bending down through squinted eyes to untangle your foot. Your fingers are a little cold and shaking, anxiety creeping up slowly as you pull the weeds and roots away from your shoe.
Something snaps behind you. Your fingers freeze, head whipping around to look for the source of the noise. Again, you see nothing but your heart is hammering. You don’t dare to breathe, holding your breath as you strain your ears to hear anything else. There’s only crickets and an owl in the distance, no more snapping branches.
In that moment, it occurs to you that you’ve decided to wander out in the woods at night and alone after two recent murders. The stupidity of your actions land like a blow.
Turning back around, you wrench your shoe free and stand up, nearly colliding with Vernon who leans backward to avoid smacking into you as you shriek in surprise, stepping backward. Vernon’s hand darts out to grab you, catching you and tugging you forward into him before you can lose your balance fully.
Heart hammering, your fingers dig into his biceps, keeping yourself standing as you hiss, “What are you doing?”
“What do you mean what am I doing? You’re wandering out in the middle of the woods while there is an active serial killer in town.”
“Oh please, like you noticed.”
He frowns. You drop your hands and try to step away from him, eager to put some distance between you. Vernon’s grip on you tightens though, keeping you where you’re standing. “I’m here, I obviously noticed.” You snort derisively and his grip tightens a little. “Is there something you want to say?”
You open and close your mouth, scowling at him. He’s never so direct you’re unsure how to approach the question. So you try for a little bit of honesty. “I wasn’t having fun.”
“Okay, so let’s leave.”
“You look like you were having fun.”
Silence hangs in the air. Vernon’s face is indecipherable. Then, “Are you jealous?”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
Your response is so fast that it even sounds practiced and hollow to you. It’s hard not to wince, hoping that as always, he doesn’t see through your cellophane defense. Vernon’s touch drops from your biceps to your wrist, delicate. You’re afraid to look him in the eye, instead staring at the buttons on his jean jacket.
“I noticed you were gone.” His voice is gentle, a low purr. You dart a quick glance at him to see the intensity of his gaze. It makes you squirm, unsure how to respond. “I always notice when you’re gone.”
“Alright. Well.”
“I notice everything about you.”
The way he says it is a soft whisper. A promise, a suggestion. Again, it feels like Vernon has discovered your loose thread, tugging lightly on it. If he tugs again, you think you might unspool all the way, showing him everything you don’t want him to see.
It feels like he wants to, and that’s what scares you more. That suddenly he’s looking at you like he wants to see past the veneer of your words, like he’s ready to look inside. You hear the double meaning. It’s so terrifying that you look away from him, ready to hide.
“Don’t tease me,” you whisper.
“I’m not. If you’re not having fun, let’s go home. I came here with you.” He tugs your wrist. “Come on. You can’t be walking around out here alone with a killer on the loose, Lovecraft. I’ll be forced to fight them off.”
The tension fades. You let out a breath and laugh, looking at him skeptically. “Yeah? You’re going to fight for me?”
His grip on your wrist tightens. You wonder if he can feel the speed of your pulse under his thumb, the way it hammers when he smirks. “Yeah, I am.”
-
Sal’s Pizzeria isn’t your favorite place to do school work. It’s too loud and bright, the promise of food is way too distracting for you to focus for much longer than a few minutes at a time, and usually your fingers are too slippery with pizza grease to type properly.
You only have a narrow window to finish writing your paper before going to the bar for Jihoon’s birthday. You barely know him, but he’s someone Vernon is decently close enough too that you feel obligated to attend. More importantly, you’re finally almost done with your paper you’ve been working on for two weeks, eager to celebrate hitting submit.
“You know that dude who was killed first was a rotten cheater?”
The girls sitting behind you catch your attention. Your brows knit together and you turn your head a fraction to eavesdrop, eyes unfocusing on the words on your screen. There are four of them behind you that you don’t recognize but assume go to the same school as you, based on the attire and the backpacks.
“Yeah! Sam told me about that. Apparently he was sleeping around with a bunch of freshmen. Maybe his girlfriend found out and went all psycho killer on him?”
“Ew, how scummy. But what’s with the hello darling message shit? Can you say weird?”
“I know, right?”
Their words give you pause. The first victim had been someone known for his infidelity too? Turning back to your screen, you pull up your web browser and type in Hello Darling Murderer to the search. The original murder from the 70s hadn’t given you much thought beyond assuming someone was being a copycat, but now you feel something nagging at you. Something you’re missing.
All of the top stories are of the recent murders. You amend your search to the 70s and get older articles and links to podcasts covering the initial incident. Clicking on a story from a reputable journal, you start reading in detail about the first murder and his victim, skin prickling as you go.
As an Occult Studies major, a lot of people think you’re into murder mysteries. In truth, you’re not. They have little to do with what you study, and you’ve spent countless times telling people that occult and people obsessed with true crime are two totally different things. You have no idea why they’re lumped together so often, but on more than one occasion you’ve had to explain you’re not interested in serial killers or their stories.
Except now. Chewing the inside of your cheek, you unwind the story of Thomas Ellswater, who had apparently murdered his girlfriend at the time before promptly killing himself. The initial investigation hadn’t dug up much, assuming that it was a case of domestic violence gone as bad as it could.
But the journalist who had written the story had other details. Accounts from family friends that detailed Elsswater’s girlfriend, Maya, unhappy with their relationship. One even insinuated that she had been cheating on him for a long time, though with who, they were unsure.
Further down in the article, you stop. Read the paragraph again. Look at the picture of the house. A sickly chill coats your skin as you lean forward, taking in the details of the house. You’ve seen it before, though your memory of it at night surrounded by floodlights and full of drunk college students makes it almost unrecognizable when you see it on the screen.
Thomas Ellswater lived in the same house that you’d partied in on Halloween night, where Vernon had played that horrible prank in the closet. Thomas or Maya had been the haunting spirit Soonyoung had been attempting to summon.
And now someone was killing in the same exact style..
The server bringing you two trays of pizzas and a basket of fries breaks you from your trance. You close the article, a sick feeling in your stomach as you try to piece together the puzzle. Was it just a spurned lover who was paying homage to someone who related? Or was it a serial killer poking fun at the MO?
Vernon crashing into the seat across from you startles you. He gives you a grin, eyeing the pizza in front of him and rubbing his hands together. Rolling your eyes, you grab the red pepper flakes and salt, passing the latter over to him.
“So I learned something weird today,” you venture, pulling a slice of pizza from the tray.
“Tell me,” he answers over a mouthful of pizza, once again burning himself. You roll your eyes, shaking your red pepper onto your slice. “What is going on in the world of occult today?”
“Actually, not occult.” He gives you an appraising look, popping some fries into his mouth. “What, no salt today?”
He pauses, looking at the basket of fries. “Nah, I need to cut back on the sodium.”
“Good idea. Anyway, it’s about the murders.”
“Do tell.”
“The girls behind me said the first victim was known for cheating.”
“It’s college. Apparently there is a lot of that.”
“But remember that day we saw Sidney in the library? She was cheating too.”
“Right.” He rips into his pizza, gaze sharp as he looks at you. “So this town is full of a bunch of lowlife fucking cheaters.”
You flinch at his vehemence, leaning back in your seat. Vernon drops his gaze, tearing into his slice in silence. “Sorry,” he says after swallowing. “I’m hungry.”
“Right. As I was saying, I looked up that Hello Darling Murder.”
He pauses, gaze flicking to you. “And?”
“And it was ruled as a case of domestic violence gone wrong, but there were some people who think the Maya Caravalo was cheating on Thomas Ellswater, who killed her.”
“I’m sure cheating is the leading cause of crimes of passion.”
“In the house that we were in on Halloween.”
Vernon frowns. “Ah. Weird.”
He doesn’t elaborate. You watch him as he chews on more pizza, shoving fries into his mouth on occasion too. He seems totally at ease - and more normal than he’s been in weeks. You watch, mildly disgusted at the way college men eat.
“That’s all you have to say?” You ask. “Weird.”
“It is weird.”
“Kind of an insane coincidence.”
He becomes still, only his eyes moving as he settles his inky gaze on you. For a second, you can’t help but think he looks a bit like the cat who ate the canary, eyes glittering. “So tell me what theory is in that pretty head of yours, Lovecraft.”
Ignoring the way your heart leaps at him calling you pretty, you sigh, picking at the wooden table with a thumb nail. “I don’t really have one. I just think someone came across the original murder and thought I could write that at my crime scenes. I don’t study criminology, I can’t figure out motivation.”
“You’re the smartest person in school, Lovecraft. Try.”
“I guess… I don’t know. The new killer was probably cheated on recently, came across what happened in the 70s, and has been taking out their rage on other adulterers because they feel some sort of kinship with Thomas. Maybe like finishing his work or ridding the world of a common enemy.”
Vernon hums. “Maybe so. Do you think they deserve it?” You look at him sharply, mouth downturning. “The victims. Do you think they deserve to be killed for their infidelity?”
“I don’t know that anyone is deserving of murder.” You chew the inside of your cheek, watching Vernon’s face for any sign of what he’s thinking. He’s totally closed off, a blank canvas. “This is why I’m in Occult Studies and not law, Vernon.”
He gives a wolfish grin. “Touche. Come on, eat your pizza. We have a bar to go get drunk at.”
-
The bar in question is teeming with people. You’re immediately overwhelmed, squeezing your way between chairs, tables and people as you navigate to your group of friends. Vernon keeps you close, his arm encircling your waist as pulling you to him as you go.
He either ignores or doesn’t notice the sharp look you give him. Instead, he’s focused on keeping the two of you attached, shouldering his way through the crowd, the press of his fingers on your hip dizzying and steadying at the same time.
At the far back of the bar, an entire section of people associated with Vernon’s fraternity crowd from wall to wall. Vernon manages to get you onto a stool at the bar top, shouldering one of the pledges off the seat with a narrow-eyed look. You raise your brows at him and he winks, leaning his elbow on the bar top to order you both drinks.
Spinning to face him in the stool, you give him a quick once over. You’d been so engrossed in your murdery mystery findings at the pizzeria that you haven't really looked at him until now. He looks good, dressed simply in dark jeans and a dark, long sleeve shirt that shows how broad he is. Has he always been that broad?
Vernon catches you staring. “What are you looking at?”
“Nothing.”
He grins, accepting drinks from the bartender and sliding one over to you. You burn under the full weight of his attention as he pops his straw into his mouth. “Tell me.”
“You look nice tonight.”
“You look nice every night.”
“Oh shut up.”
“What?” he laughs. “I mean it.”
“Whatever.”
Spinning in the chair again, you place your back to the bar, facing the crowd to watch people. Vernon is content to stand next to you in silence, both of you sipping your drinks as you observe the people around you. Someone jostles him a little closer, his arm shifting to lay across the bartop along your back.
Heat creeps into your cheeks and you try to remain breathing normally. Vernon leaves his arm there, pressed against you but not exactly wrapped around you. There is a distinct difference, but this is still new. Still confusing.
People who recognize you both come up and say hi. You keep the conversation polite and short, especially when you see the girl who has lingered at the last two parties slink toward you, her eyes only for Vernon.
“Hi,” she yells over the crowd, totally ignoring you. “I didn’t expect to see you tonight!”
“Why wouldn’t you? I’m friends with Jihoon.”
The girl opens and closes her mouth, lips pursed at that. You sense the serrated edged to Vernon’s words, casting a glance his direction. He’s not looking at her, eyes instead scanning the crowd. Uninterested. Even you know she didn’t literally mean she wasn’t expecting to see him - it was just a conversation starter.
Using the opportunity to sip from your straw to hide your laughter, you have to admit you’re a little relieved to see Vernon missing social cues again. It’s more him, a Vernon that you're used to. Maybe a little meaner than usual, but this is closer.
“Right,” the girl says. Her eyes flicker to you for the first time. “It’s his birthday, right?”
“According to the giant sign in the corner and all the balloons, yes.”
Okay, maybe it’s not entirely normal Vernon. Usually he isn’t so callous. In this case, you don’t mind, watching as she tries to puzzle out how to keep the conversation going. Vernon decides for you, turning from her to press his mouth close to your ear.
“I’ll be right back,” he murmurs, breath hot against you. “I’m gonna greet Jihoon really quickly.”
All you can manage is a breathy, “Alright.”
Vernon finishes his drink and pushes off the bar, fingers dragging against you as he goes. He ignores the girl standing and watching, her eyes darting from you to him until he vanishes in the sea of bodies. Without Vernon there, she has nothing to do. She tilts her chin up, sucking up her pride and turns on her heel to walk a direction distinctly not the same way as Vernon.
Alone at the bar, you swivel in your seat to order you both another drink. You assume Vernon is drinking a whiskey coke, hoping that’s right as you flag down the bartender. While you wait, someone slips into the spot next to you. You turn, thinking Vernon’s already back only to find someone you definitely don’t know.
“Sorry,” he shouts over the loud voices and music. “Did not mean to get in your personal space, this spot was way smaller than I thought it was.”
“That’s okay! Getting a spot kind of sucks.”
“No kidding.” He grins at you, turning his attention back to trying to get anyone to take his drink order. “How long do you think it’ll take for them to notice me?”
“About seven years.”
“Yikes. I’m Seokmin, by the way.” You give him your name and he grins. “What brings you to this shit hole ass bar?”
“A friend of a friend's birthday. You?”
“A friend of a friend's birthday indeed.”
A bartender finally comes over to take Seokmin’s order. He leans forward to shout over the crowd, his shoulder knocking into yours. You don’t mind - he’s nice. He looks over at you, a question on his face. “You like tequila?”
“No!”
“Let me rephrase - want a shot of tequila?”
“She doesn’t.”
Vernon slides behind you, his palm pressed flat to your back. You startle, looking up at him in surprise. He isn’t looking at you, his eyes zeroed in on Seokmin. You slide Vernon’s drink toward him, eager to dispel the sudden tension thrumming through him.
“Whiskey and coke?”
He looks down, eyes rounding out a little as he softens. “Mhmm. Thank you.”
Drink in hand, Seokmin turns to you both and waves. “Y’all have a good night!”
When he’s gone, Vernon leans against the counter again, his tone flat as he says, “He was nice.”
“He was, but what do you sound bothered by it?”
“Maybe I am.”
“Why?”
He lifts a shoulder. Instead of answering you, he picks up the lime in his drink and squeezes it, stirring it with his straw before taking a long pull straight from the rim of the glass.
You nudge him. “I’m going to say this again: you’ve been different, lately.”
“Different how.”
“I don’t know. You talk more. You’re a lot more engaging. You’re a little…”
“A little what?”
“Cockier?” He hums, eyes dropping down to your mouth. “Like that,” you point out, voice a little weaker. “You do that now, and you didn’t used to.”
“I always did. I’m just a little more obvious about it now.”
Tension crackles between the two of you. Your mouth feels dry as you watch him, reading the minute expressions of his face. Finally, when you can’t unpuzzle him, you say, “I don’t know what you’re doing.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t tell if you’re coming onto me or if it’s some sort of game to you.” That makes him frown as he sips his drink again. Your fear and frustration clash, wrestling for dominance. “It makes things confusing.”
“Why didn’t you say so? I’m happy to clear things up.”
You grip your glass, trying to keep your fingers from quaking. This moment feels like it’s all or nothing. Vernon puts it out on the table so easily, leaving the option to you. Either you can ask for clarity, or keep playing this new game of cat and mouse. But you have to decide.
“I would appreciate it if you did,” you say eventually.
Vernon nods and finishes the rest of the drink. He sets the glass down before he leans forward, hand going to the underside of your chin to lightly tip your face upward with his knuckle so he can press the world’s most gentle kiss to your mouth.
You freeze. When he doesn’t pull away, lips soft and warm, you sigh into the kiss, eyes fluttering shut. He feels you relax, mouth curling in a smile against yours. He steps into your space without breaking the kiss, finding the space between your legs as his lips press firmer to yours.
Vernon smells like his cologne and something distinctly him. It makes you dizzy, and the way he tastes like whiskey and lime makes the room spin. When he pulls away from him, you feel like you’re going to fall from the stool, leaning toward him.
His hands grip your thighs, squeezing generously as he leans in and drags his mouth to your ear. “Does that clear things up?”
“Actually, no?”
His groan is throaty, turning into laughter as he buries his face in your neck. Your hands tentatively settle on his waist, a little hesitant. “I always said you were the smartest person at school, but maybe not.”
“Hey!”
“Come home with me.” He feels your delay, laughing. “Come home with me because I like you. Is that clearer? Because I want you to come home with me, and I don’t want anyone else here.”
Your heart goes bolting like a rabbit, running in circles. Vernon pulls away from you to study your face. You watch him for any sign that he’s kidding, that he doesn’t mean it. You find none. In its place, you only see honesty. Hunger. Fiery desire burning at the surface.
“Really?” Your question is small. Vulnerable. “Do you mean that?”
“I do.” He tugs on your thighs. “I’m not playing games with you. Come home with me - I’ll prove I’m serious about you. You are what I want. I just had to be sure.”
Lightheaded and heart slamming, you let Vernon pull you from the seat and lead you out of the bar.
-
Vernon’s apartment on the north side of town is a place you’ve been a million times. You recognize all the cars in the parking lot, and you know exactly what building and floor belongs to him. You even recognize his neighbors come in mat that you’ve always hated.
He catches you staring at it with distaste now, laughing as he shakes his head and inserts his keys. “You and that mat.”
One hand works the keys into the door while the other is stretched behind him, fingers linked with yours. Your hand is warm and your heart is still racing as he gets the door open, pulling you inside the dark of his home.
“They could be inviting anything in,” you assert, a little breathless as he pulls you to his chest. He kicks the door shut, the frame rattling as it slams. “You should never have a doormat that just welcomes whatever shows up at your door inside. You could end up with a vampire in your home.”
“A vampire, huh?” Vernon ducks his head towards your neck, lips skimming your throat. Your fingers twist in the hem of his shirt, eyes fluttering closed as his teeth scrape against your pulse point. “Sounds scary.”
“It is. There’s nothing to disprove that vampires exist.”
Vernon bites down and you whine, melting into him. His laugh vibrates through his chest as his tongue presses to the bite mark, soothing the pain. His mouth closes over the spot and he sucks gently, sending a shiver through your body.
“I promise the only thing biting you will be me.”
The full weight of his words hit you between the legs. You feel like putty in his hand as he navigates you to the island counter in his kitchen. He presses your back into it, careful not to jam you too harshly against the marble.
Heat licks through your stomach as Vernon steals your lips in a kiss. It’s different from the gentle one he gave you at the bar. This one drinks you in, pries you open and lets you spill out into him, all the feelings and bottled thoughts you have free for the taking.
You get lost in him, hands wrapping around his neck to pull him close, fingers sliding through his hair. He moans and you respond, curling your fingers to scrape your nails against his scalp. His hips twitch forward, pinning you between him in the counter as he sucks your bottom lip harshly.
“Be careful,” he warns, a hand drifting from your chin to your neck. He doesn’t wrap his fingers around your throat, but his hand rests there, heavy and wanting. “I’m trying to be gentle.”
You steal a kiss, nipping his bottom lip sharply. “Don’t be.”
His resounding groan makes you dizzy. His kisses become rough and heated, using his tongue as much as his teeth. He presses you hard into the countertop now, the marble digging into your back as he nearly folds you in half with the weight of his body.
It feels like the air has left the room. Vernon is the only thing you need to breathe in, fueled by the way his tongue licks into you, the gentle squeeze of his hand at the base of your throat. His fingers press against your pulse, not enough to cut off any airflow but enough to send a bolt of pleasure and thrill through you.
“You have no idea,” Vernon pants, pressing sloppy, wet kisses to your jawline. “How long I’ve waited to do this. I could have had you this entire fucking time, but I held myself back.”
His thumb presses under your jaw, angling your head to the side. With more access to your throat, he peppers you in bites and kisses, tongue soothing each sting. “I have wasted so much time,” he mutters, almost like he’s talking to himself. “Being a fucking coward.”
“Don’t say that,” you gasp as his other hand presses between your legs. The ache in your cunt is already throbbing, and he does nothing but make it worse by adding pressure but doing nothing more. “Please don’t tease me.”
“I’m not.” He pulls away from you. Before you can complain, he gives you a quick kiss, tugging you toward his room. “I shouldn’t have waited until I had a little… encouragement to do this. I’m going to give you everything you want, love.”
A quiver slithers down your spine at the shortened version of your nickname. The new endearment hits home when you see the way he looks at you, the want and desire more unrestrained than anything else you’ve ever seen on his expression.
Hand in yours, he pulls you into the bedroom, spinning you to sit you down on the edge of his bed. You look up at him through your lashes, admiring the shape of his face and the way you can just barely see his freckles in the soft glow from the nightlight in his bathroom as he slots himself between your knees.
“I’ll give you whatever you want,” Vernon whispers, voice like velvet. He slides a finger under your chin, tilting your gaze even higher as he watches you, eyes blown. “I’m entirely devoted to you and you only. You know that, right?”
Vernon’s thumb pulls at your bottom lip. You open your mouth on instinct and he growls low in his throat. He pushes his thumb past your swollen lips, pressing down on your tongue. You taste the lime from earlier and the hint of salt on his skin, closing your mouth as you suck gently.
“Fuck,” he swears, thumb pressing harder. “You really have been a little slut for me this entire time, huh?”
Hearing Vernon say it in that deep, whispered voice of his does something to you. There’s a note in his voice you’re unfamiliar with, a dangerous edge that you want to lean into and cut yourself on. So you nod, lashes fluttering as you bat them up at him.
“Yeah, thought so.” He pulls his thumb from your mouth, dragging it spit-slicked down your chin. “Lay back on the bed for me, love.”
You do so immediately, shuffling backward so that you can lean back. The sheets smell like him and you tilt your head to the side, nuzzling his comforter a little. You try to ground yourself, feeling a little staticky as he kneels on the bed, mattress dipping.
Vernon plants a knee between your legs, leaning forward to cage you in with a hand on either side of your head. His kiss is all consuming, any sense of delicacy gone. You let him devour you, your hands pulling at his belt loops to bring him closer.
He’s not close enough, never close enough.
Having him like this is everything you’ve ever wanted and more. He’s familiar, the scent of him and the warmth of his skin and the little sounds he makes but he’s also entirely new. He is rougher than you imagined, sharper than you thought. He drags his blunt nails over your collarbone as he pulls your shirt away from your neck, giving his mouth access to litter your skin with kisses.
Your hands slip under his shirt, curious as you press the pads of your fingers into his stomach. You feel the muscles flex and he hums low in his throat, enjoying your exploration as you slide your hands around the perfect taper of his waist to the small of his back.
Vernon slides his knee higher, pressing it directly to your clothed cunt. You twitch against him, a questioning sound leaving your lips as you breathe in sharply.
“Go ahead,” he mumbles against your chest, one pulling sharply at your shirt. You hear the seams rip and you don’t even care. “Take what you need, love.”
The rawness of his words fucks you up. You do as he says, rolling your hips against his thigh for any sort of pressure and friction. It helps relieve the tension a little, but not nearly enough. Your breathing turns ragged as he harshly bites and kisses his way to your bra.
Yanking hard, he rips the rest of your shirt. You let out a throaty laugh and he looks up at you, eyes like burning coals. “What’s so funny, hmm?”
“I did not expect you to be able to rip my shirt.”
“Oh?”
The dangerous note in his voice makes your hips stutter and stop. He runs the tip of his tongue around the soft curve of your chest, watching you all the while and fuck. If you’d realized that this was the type of Vernon you’d get, maybe you’d have been braver sooner. Because this Vernon is something else, confident and cocky and ravenous.
“Want me to rip this too?” He teases, teeth pulling at the cup of your bra. Your chest rises and falls as you try to catch your breath, a little overwhelmed. “Say the word.”
“Maybe salvage some of my clothing, Vernon.”
“Fine. I will not salvage you, though.”
You believe him. Nothing about the way Vernon peels your bra off of you is gentle. Nothing about the way his hand cups your breast, squeezing before he lowers his mouth to give a generous suck to your nipple feels like he has your survival in mind.
Squeezing your eyes shut, you let Vernon have his way. It feels like he’s peeling you open layer by layer, plucking every string connected to your pleasure that he can find.
His mouth is a weapon, tongue lazily circling your pert nipple until you’re whining and squirming under him. He laughs and drags his tongue to the other side of your chest, licking his way to your peak to tease you further.
“Shit,” you whisper, one hand leaving his back to tangle in his hair. You don’t know if you’re pulling him away or pushing him closer - maybe both. “Vernon.”
His teeth scrape your nipple and you whine. He shuts you up by closing his mouth around you, sucking sharply. When he pulls away with a loud pop, you let out a shaky breath.
“You can barely keep it together,” he observes. He placed closed mouth kisses on your stomach as he descends, pulling his knee from between your thighs. “What are you gonna do when I eat you out, huh?”
Flushed and embarrassed, you cover your face as his tongue licks the skin above your jeans. “Cat got your tongue, love?”
“You - you’re - ugh!”
He chuckles, popping the button of your jeans. “I’m ugh?”
“You know what I mean.”
Vernon tugs on your jeans. You try to lift your hips to help him, but your thighs are like jelly already, turning you useless. He coos at you, pressing a kiss to your hip gently. “I got you.”
Unsure if he means about your inability to get out your fucking pants or he understand what you mean, you let him peel them down the rest of the way. His hands skate up your calves, squeezing and firm as he sinks to his knees on the floor.
Bracing yourself, you brave a look between your legs where he presses your thighs open gently with his palms. Veronon’s eyes are on the apex of your thighs, entirely focused on where your underwear stick to your folds. He licks his lips, hand brushing up and down your thighs.
His gaze flickers to you. For a moment, the two of you just stare at one another. You feel overly exposed, naked from the waist up, cool air pebbling your spit-slicked chest. The weight of his gaze presses you down like a physical thing, but it’s comforting. Warm. Reassuring.
The air is charged between you as he keeps watching you while he drags a hand up and between your legs. He presses a thumb between your folds and you whimper, feeling the way he prods at your aching entrance, only the thin fabric keeping him out.
“Are you always this wet for me?” he asks, thumb slowly dragging up the damp patch to your clit. He digs in sharply, pressing firm enough that your pleasure spikes and your hips pop off the bed. He hisses at you and smacks your thigh, making you lower your ass to the bed again. “Everytime we were together, did you get like this?”
It takes effort to rasp, “Sometimes.”
Vernon hooks his thumb in the side of your pants, pulling. The fabric peels back achingly slow, cool air hitting your cunt and making you whine. He hums thoughtfully, placing the fabric to the side.
“Like what times?” he questions, blowing cool air against you. You thrash and he laughs, pinning you down by the hips. “I’m curious. Elaborate for me.”
“Umm.”
It’s the only word you can get out before he renders you speechless, the flat of his tongue sliding slowly up your pussy. You go boneless, breath stuck in your chest as his tongue lazily circles around your clit and drags back down. He repeats the motion, the slow-soft brush of his tongue driving you insane instantly.
“You’re not elaborating,” Vernon notes. He presses a kiss that is far too sweet for the moment to your bundle of nerves. “I wanna know all the times you were with me where you felt like this. Go on.”
“I don’t,” you breath catches when his tongue curls through your folds. He’s soft and slow as he licks you, a lazy smoothless to it that makes you see stars. “Know how to speak when you’re doing that.”
“Should I stop?”
“No.”
“Try,” he murmurs, dipping his tongue in your dripping entrance. “I want to know.”
Fuck. Trying to pull together any coherent thoughts is like wading through thick water. You’re distracted by the way Vernon’s mouth closes on you, sucking gently. He takes his time, fingers pressed into the meat of your thighs as he keeps you open, enjoying you fully.
“I - shit - I guess sometimes when we go out,” you manage. “I like when you wear your hat backwards.”
He flicks his tongue back and forth over your clit, making you clench, toes curling. His mouth is wet and warm, closing around your throbbing bundle and sucking gently. Your hips lift but his grip is firm, keeping his mouth to you.
When he pulls away, the suction is audible, a string of spit and arousal connecting his lips to your pussy. “Taste so fucking good,” he whispers. You think it’s more to himself than you, his tongue carving through you again. “Tell me more.”
“Halloween night. When you were in skull makeup.”
His tongue starts circling your clit again, the indirect stimulation driving you wild. Your hands tangle in the sheets, sweat slicking your skin as Vernon works to firmer motions. You realize he knows exactly how you like it, gentle to start, working you to firmer motions, a little hungrier.
It makes him all the more lethal, the way he can just figure you out like that. “Yeah?” he asks, sucking harshly against you. “Wanted me to fuck you like that?”
“God, yeah.”
“You should have asked. I’ll fuck you however you want.”
“Didn’t think you liked me.”
Vernon is too busy to answer, increasing the attention of his mouth. Your hands slide down to his, nails digging into the tops of his hands where he holds you. He lets go of your hips in favor of linking your fingers, pressing your clasped hands to the mattress.
His name drips from your mouth, eyes falling shut as you sink into the pleasure deep in your stomach. He makes little sounds of pleasure, grunting and groaning as his mouth becomes more fervent. You feel yourself toeing the edge of an orgasm, so so so close.
He can tell too. He finds a harsh rhythm, pulling you closer and closer to your high with each sharp suck of his lips. You twist in his grip, fingers squeezing his so hard you think you might break his hands. You don’t, feeling your breath catch and hold as you come hard, thighs squeezing as you writhe on the bed.
You draw in a ragged breath, desperate for air as he kisses your cunt once. Twice. His slick mouth presses against your thighs, teeth dragging against soft flesh as he mouths his way to your knee. He gives you a moment, letting you pant against the sheets.
Fabric sticks to your skin as you wiggle against the bed. He stands up, crawling up you again to find your mouth. You lean forward, catching him in an open-mouth kiss that is more tongue than anything, your taste heady in the heat of his mouth.
“Turn over on your stomach for me,” he groans. His hands squeeze your side as he gives you room to follow his direction. You do, but not without his help, your orgasm making you a little clumsy. “Can you get on your knees for me?”
“Maybe?”
“I’ll help you in a second.”
Instead of moving, you lay slumped on the bed, fully intending to let him do the work. You turn your head to watch him pull his shirt off, revealing firm, tan skin. Vernon is beautiful, the sleek lines of his body reminding you of a painting. He kicks off his jeans before shuffling back on the bed behind you, looking down and snorting.
“Didn’t want to move like I asked?” You shake your head. He pats your ass lightly. “Come on, darling. Help me get these panties off or I will rip them off.”
Huffing, you do as he says. He does lend you his strength hauling you up by the arm as you lean up on your knees. The room is cold, making you shiver but he presses your back to his chest, mouth dusting kisses over your shoulders.
Vernon’s fingers dance along your sides until he’s pulling your underwear the rest of the way down your thighs, helping you kick out of them. When he’s got you full naked, he presses your back to him, crowding your space as he angles your head to kiss you slowly. Fully.
Behind you, his cock presses firmly into your ass. You push back against him, putting pressure against his shaft. He hisses, biting your shoulder harshly.
“Careful,” he growls, teeth at your neck. “Or I won’t be very nice.”
“Want you, though.”
“You’ll have me when I say you can.”
One of his hands slides up to your neck, gripping your throat lightly. He pauses, leaning to catch your gaze. His eyes are round and soft. Honest. Open. “This okay?” He questions gently. He gives a little squeeze to indicate what he means. You nod eagerly, reaching a hand to close around his, making him press harder. “Fuck you’re perfect.”
You lean your head back against his chest as he holds you by the throat, one of your hands dropping to his elbow, the other reaching behind you to sink your fingers in his hair and tug. The sound he makes is feral, the hand he has placed on your waist dropping between your legs, fingers pressing between them.
“Oh,” you squeak, feeling his deft tough on your clit. His movements are aided by your earlier release, fingers circling smoothly as he squeezes your throat, thumb pressed perfectly, to make it just a little harder to breathe. “Shit.”
“Can you tell me a safe word? Not gonna go hard, just wanna know if it becomes too much.”
“Maenad.” He snorts and you huff. “I just wrote an essay on them, don’t start.”
He laughs, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. “Alright. Just please use it if it’s too much - any of it. If you can’t talk, pat my arm, alright? Just wanna do this right.”
You nod, so in love with him it takes all of you to stop yourself from blurting it.
Vernon shuffles behind you, letting you tilt forward a little. The hand between your legs leaves and he instead brings it behind you, prodding at your pussy with his fingers from behind. You let out a loud sound and you can almost feel his grin as he presses a finger into your heat.
He’s slow at first, the same way he was with his mouth. He explores what you like, testing the way his fingers drag against your walls combined with different grip strengths on your throat. You feel light headed. The room spins as he finds a rhythm that draws the most noises from you, that makes you clench down on his finger the most.
All of your weight is against the hand around your neck, barely able to hold yourself up as he presses another finger in. This time, his fingers prod right against that soft spot inside of you, making you see stars. He must realize he’s found it, because he starts finger fucking you in earnest.
The grip on your throat loosens a little, careful not to keep you short of breath for too long as he works your cunt with his hand. His lips find your shoulder, peppering you with light kisses that are delicate and butterfly soft in comparison to the way his fingers fuck into you.
“Vernon,” you whisper, only able to think of his name. “Vernon vernon vernon.”
“Doing so good, darling,” he whispers against your skin. He kisses his way to your ear, sucking the sensitive spot on your neck. “So fucking good for me.”
His words hit below the belt. You shudder in his hold, letting him drive you toward another release. You never imagined Vernon to be talkative in bed, but he is, his voice like velvet. Just like that. Perfect for me. There you go, come on.
Everything about him is perfect, driving you to mania. His grip on your throat tightens suddenly, sensing how close you are to your second peak. Your breath quickens until you can’t breathe, going mute against him as his fingers press hardly into that spot over and over and over.
A high-pitched ring winds in your ears. You hold and hold and hold and when Vernon lets go of your throat, a gust of air flooding your lungs, you shatter around his hand. You collapse backward against him, head knocking into his. You don’t even care, twitching and gasping against him as his hand stills.
For a few moments, you just lean against him like that, sweaty and lost and in a dream. Slowly, you become aware of his pounding heart against your back and the slick between your thighs. Vernon’s mouth is pressed to your shoulder, waiting patiently as you blink a few times, the room swimming into view.
“Hi,” he murmurs, watching you with shadowy eyes.
“Hi,” you croak, voice rough.
“Good?”
“Very.”
“Want to stop?”
“No. Unless you want to.”
His gaze darkens. “I don’t.”
“I want more. I can take more.”
He lifts his head and presses a sweet kiss to your temple. “You’re perfect for me. Do you know that?”
Reverent hands help you lay back against the pillows. Vernon touches you like you’re something delicate - not because he thinks you’re fragile, but because you’re something important to him. Valuable. You see it in the way he looks down at you, taking a moment to drink you in.
There’s something else there too. Something edged with a knife, a little wild. Covetous. There is something in the way Vernon grips your leg briefly, a language he’s trying to communicate to you with touch.
Mine, it says. Mine and no one else's.
With hooded eyes, you watch him peel his briefs off. Your eyes shoot to where his cock hangs heavy, beads of precum dripping at his tip. You reach a hand up toward him but he shakes his head, careful as he shuffles toward you.
“Later,” he promises. “I like touching you.”
“I want you to feel good.”
“You make me feel good. Seeing you unravel makes me feel good. I like seeing how much you enjoy me touching you.”
You can tell he means it. His lips are swollen and soft when he kisses you. You open your legs open for him, letting him settle between the softness of your thighs. Vernon runs the head of his cock through your messy fluids, earning a whine for you.
“Sensitive?” he asks against your lips, nose nudging yours. You nod and you feel him smile. “Sorry.”
“Feels good,” you assure him, pressing a kiss to his jaw. “Want more.”
“Greedy thing.”
“I’m Your greedy thing.”
Your words have the desired effect. You feel a shiver ripple through him, Vernon’s grip on your leg turning to iron as he opens you up wider. He presses his cock into your entrance slowly, pausing just as the tip pops in. You throb around him, whispering his name - begging him to keep going.
Vernon’s grin is sharp as he sinks in further, the slide tortuous and wonderful and so much as he finally finds home, hips pressed as far as he can go. He stays like that, tangling your tongue in a messy kiss as he sits there, fully seated in your heat. Your pussy spasms around him, pressed open to the max.
“Feels so good,” he whispers, dropping his forehead to yours. “I’m going to come embarrassingly fast.”
“So do it.” You wrap a leg around his waist, your hips tilting upward. Both of you moan at the angle change, so close to breaking. “I wanna see it.”
Instead of answering, he nods. He drags his hips backward slowly before slamming back in. He punches the breath out of your lungs with each slide home, the stroke slow but deep. Your head falls to the side, breaths rasping as he sets a steady, slow pace.
It feels good, your legs curling around him to keep you close, hands tangle in his hair to keep him tethered to you. His hair is damp with sweat, your fingers curled in the strands, tugging a little. He seems to like it, making a needy sound in his throat that has you grinning.
“Mine,” Vernon whispers to you, words muffled by your neck. “You are only mine, darling. You will only ever be mine. You were made for me. No one else.”
“No one else,” you agree.
His hips move faster, a little messier. You egg him on, legs squeeze, cunt spasming around him. He lets out a feral sound, driving himself further to his orgasm. He drags you with him, another swell reaching you. Vernon can tell, chasing it like a predator, pinning you down and slamming his cock into you until you’re melting around him again, vision blotted out.
Vernon comes to the sound of his name on your lips. His movements become sloppy until he can’t go anymore, holding himself above you, trembling. Carefully, he drops next to you, pulling his cock free. You feel your joint fluids run down your leg, but you’re too tired to care.
Reaching for him, your hand finds his chest. He wraps his fingers around yours, holding your palm to him, his heart thudding wildly under your touch.
“For you,” he mutters. “Only for you, darling.”
You fall asleep like that, hand pressed to his chest.
-
Waking up in Vernon’s bed is not new to you. You’ve fallen asleep numerous times at his apartment or stayed the night after going out, but you’ve always had the bed to yourself, Vernon opting to take the couch.
The bed is empty now, but still warm. You stretch as you roll over in his sheets, groaning as you feel the soreness between your legs and mostly everywhere else. Pressing your hand to your chest and shoulders, you feel all the tender places Vernon mapped his affection with tongue and teeth. It makes you smile fondly as you lay in bed alone for a minute, breathing in the scent of his room.
Slowly, you peel yourself from his bed. With an awkward waddle, you make it to the bathroom, flicking on the light. You shield your eyes at first, going about your morning routine and washing your face to try and feel human again.
On your way out, something catches your eye. You frown, walking back toward his laundry hamper where you see brass glinting in the light. You reach for it, pulling the bell from the tangle of his clothes. It has an old wooden handle with cracks, a little hand bell used for-
Well. Used the night of halloween. You have no idea why Vernon still has it, the memory of that night like poison in your mouth. You toss it back into the hamper on top of another shirt that catches your eye. It’s one of his dark green t-shirts, but the collar is stained dark brown.
Curious, you pull it out, shaking the shirt out in front of you. It’s mostly unmarked, save for the spatter of something dark brown and dried. You run your finger around the edge of it, puzzled. It looks like dried blood, but you can’t recall any injuries he’s suffered recently.
You take the shirt with you into his room, tossing it on his bed as you get dressed, stealing sweatpants and a hoodie. Grabbing the shirt again, you trail out toward the kitchen where Vernon is making breakfast, the smell of bacon crackling in the pan.
You grin, leaning against the doorframe for a second to watch him. He looks so at ease, flipping pieces of bacon while he sings to some seventies song you don’t know the name of.
Pushing off the wall, you head toward him. He catches you in his peripheral, turning his head and smiling at you. “Hello, Darling.”
The nickname gives you pause. You slow as you come around the corner of the counter, stopping completely as the endearment pricks you sharply on the back of your neck. Vernon goes back to flipping bacon, singing along a song you vaguely know, but don’t know why Vernon does. He’s never liked music from the 1970s, and-
Your ears start to ring. Several things occur to you at once.
The memory of Vernon screaming and banging his fists against the door, begging for help. You’d been so afraid that you ripped the door open, crashing through the line of salt.
Vernon, sharp and confident, the new edge to him as he interacts with people, a little harsher. A little darker.
Nah need to cut back on the sodium had said when you asked about the lack of salt on his fries.
The way he’d called you darling the night before, whispering it against your skin.
70s music that Vernon has never listened to since you’ve known him.
The bell sitting in the hamper used to call a spirit on Halloween.
In the house that belonged to the Hello Darling Murderer.
Brown stains - like blood - on his shirt.
Carefully, you learn toward the middle of the counter, watching Vernon like a prey skirts a predator. With trembling hands, you gently grab the salt from where it sits next to the pepper. You hold your breath, trying not to draw his attention as you unscrew the top of it, placing the metal lid on the shirt to keep it quiet.
With as silent steps as you can manage, you cross to the other side of the kitchen where you’re out of his line of sight. Tipping the salt over, you pour it across the tile from counter to fridge, eyes darting between the barrier of white and the man standing in the kitchen humming.
Your heart hammers.
Your hands shake.
Salt shaker empty, you set it on the counter and take a few steps back. It’s an unbroken line of salt, and though it doesn’t trap him in the kitchen, at least it’s there.
Vernon turns around with the pan of bacon. He sees you and his humming stops, cocking his head to the side. He notices the empty salt shaker. Frowns. Looks at you. Looks at the ground where you’ve drawn a line of salt.
For a second, he just stares at it. His eyes flick back up to you, warm and brown but narrowed.
“Why is there salt all over my floor?”
“Cross it.”
“Huh?”
“Step over the line of salt.”
Silence stretches between you. He remains standing in the kitchen, pan in hand, music playing in the background.
When Vernon doesn’t move, you can see everything so clearly.
Vernon hadn’t been joking when he slammed his hands on the door begging for help on Halloween. A sick feeling roils in your stomach as you remember the panicked screams, the way his fists hammered the door.
Your next words come out as a hiss. “Cross the line of salt, Vernon.”
He looks at the salt and purses his lips before sighing and setting the pan down on the stove. He tosses the rag from his shoulder and shakes his head, striding over to the white line you made against his tile. He stops in front of it, looking at you with his eyebrows raised as if to say really?
“Well, do it.”
Vernon looks down at the salt. Looks back up to you. Down at the salt.
And then he laughs.
“Fuck, you really are the smartest person in school.” He sighs heavily, a gaze darker than anything you’ve ever seen on his face as he stares at you. “You know I can’t cross that line of salt, darling.”
-
TAG LIST:
Tag list has not been used for this fic - there weren't enough character blocks left over for it because Tumblr sucks.
#vernon smut#chwe vernon smut#hansol smut#chwe hansol smut#vernon x reader#vernon fic#svt smut#svt fic#svt x you#vernon x you#svt x reader#haliween
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ONE STEP FORWARD, TWO STEPS BACK — I. SAE
warnings/tags: angst, hurt/a little bit of comfort, gn! reader, descriptions of physical symptoms of anxiety, ooc sae??, not proofread
summary: love is confusing. a part of you knows sae loved you; another part of you makes you question that. if both parts can't coexist, was your relationship worth fighting for?
wc: 2.3k
notes: this one was difficult to write man. i literally rewrote almost every paragraph dozens of times until i thought this entire thing was worth of being posted. while writing this i was literally biting my own fist out of frustration lmao.
»»——⍟——««
being a professional football player for sure brings a lot of things in your life: fame, money, awards, fans, haters, sponsors, you name it. but one thing that no one ever seems to talk about is the painful feeling inside someone’s entire body when under the extreme pressure—the shortness of breath, the rapid beating of the heart, the big knot on the throat, the tightening of the stomach, the burning sensation in the eyes due to increased blood circulation, and so on.
sae was used to those feelings. it was part of his life as an athlete—it was part of his life ever since he was a young boy, like when he had to get ready to leave his home country to live in another one, practically alone, without his family. for days, young itoshi sae felt in panic, nauseous and was disturbed by severe headaches.
it’s funny how emotions can make you physically sick, right?
of course, anyone can feel like this—it's completely normal and it’s what makes us humans. for a singer, those symptoms of sickness might happen mostly on the stage; for a baker, those nerves might happen mostly when getting ready the perfect wedding cake; for a writer, that anxiety might happen mostly when publishing a book, afraid of what people will think of it and if it will sell well.
for football players, those sensations are, most of the time, absorbed by their bodies and minds the moment they step on the field.
sae falls into this category.
then, at the end of the day, people can still live through situations that make them feel anxious outside of their professions—perhaps they have to get ready for a date; perhaps they got lost and can't find the right path to go home.
sae does not fall into this category. he is a rational man who avoids people and feelings not related to his career. he always knows what to do and what not to do.
but today, today is different. today sae itoshi is in the second category, and he might be stuck in there for a while, who knows.
sitting on the edge of the bed you both share, he inhales deeply as his hands make their way to grab said edges. the soft material of the bedspread under his fingers helped him cool down a little bit. so soft ♡. he exhaled after holding his breath for a few seconds.
he could hear your sobs.
you were sitting on the comfy sofa placed in the small, elegant balcony connected to your shared bedroom. although the curtains were blocking the outside view, the chilly, cold wind of the night would constantly move the brownish pink curtains to give the man the perfect—and heartbroken—sight of your figure in a curled up position, crying, with no sign of stopping so soon.
(brownish pink curtains… you wanted to buy those because it reminded you of sae's hair. of your boyfriend's hair. he could still hear your laugh when you suggested buying those.)
you too were in a psychological and physical distress; you too were in the second category—the difference, however, was that you have been in that same category for a while; meanwhile sae has only entered it today.
sae didn’t like the feeling of his sunken heart, of the big knot on his throat and of the tightening of his stomach’s walls when looking at you so miserable like that. and the worst part? he was the reason you were in that state.
in case you didn't understand yet, my dear reader, itoshi sae broke your heart once again and now your relationship is at a great risk of ending. by saying that sae has officially entered the "second category", we get the idea that said man is now anxious, scared, and physically sick with the thought of losing you—the anxiety that he only felt on the field and never in his personal life? he's feeling it right now.
and it’s only now that he understands how much he disappointed you ever since you two started dating. he remembers it all now: how he didn’t show any interest in your thoughts and hobbies (which is not true, he was just devoid of emotions but it still hurt you), how cold his responses could get, how he never denied that his career was the number one priority, the dry messages he sent you when you were excited, how mean he could be to other people even if you’d tell him how much you hated that attitude of his, how he would just gave you a gift after a fight instead of properly apologizing, how he stood up on you several times on a restaurant, all ready for him to arrive for your date, only to not appear because he preferred to stay late at practice and ended up forgetting the plans you both made…
the true—although not surprising at all—is, the oldest itoshi wasn’t good with feelings; he knew what to do and what not to do during matches, but when it came to human beings, he didn’t have an idea of what he should do or what to say—and let’s be honest, he didn't care about it either. sae did love you, though. the way he looks at you proves it; the marks he would leave on your body during nights so full of lust and romance that would be capable of shedding emotional tears from aphrodite’s eyes proved it; the way he'd roll his eyes and proceed to place soft kisses on your fingers when you complained of the water being too hot after finishing washing the dishes proved it.
the engagement ring he bought for you that is hidden in a safe place where you couldn’t find it proved it.
and now there might not be a day where he could put the ring around your finger and watch you giggle like a teenager in love.
his heart weighs heavier now, almost like it’s getting ready to be swallowed by the black hole formed on his stomach. fuck. he passes his hand through his reddish brown hair, tugging a few strands.
he got out of the bed and made his way to the door of the small balcony. there you were, still in a curled up position. your sobs have stopped already but a sniff or two could be heard.
“talk to me.” the genius didn’t know exactly what his tone was. tiredness? begging? regret? i-don’t-care-at-all-stop-acting-like-this? this man sure was confusing. there was no response, the only thing that could be heard were the sounds of the leaves of the trees moving with the wind, almost mocking, not sae, but you.
the way you rolled your eyes was unknown to him.
“seriously, y/n. head inside so we can talk—”
“fuck you, itoshi, leave me alone.” your intention wasn’t to be mean to him, you didn't think before speaking—it hurt both you and him—, but sometimes harsh words were better in specific times. this is a specific time, you should have shared your thoughts a long time ago. “you wanna talk now? you usually just buy me roses without saying anything.”
“i’m trying to fix things up.”
you turned your head to look at him, a sad smile on your lips. “and i appreciate it, really, but i’m just so fucking tired, sae.” your voice broke on the word “tired”. “and you just want to talk now because i said i was thinking of breaking up with you during our fight earlier? why, sae, why…” more tears were threatening to fall, voice still breaking.
teal colored eyes darkened. you were now looking at the view in front of you. you guys lived in a really peaceful neighborhood with big, expensive houses. the view was nothing special (a few trees, a few parked cars, a park near you), but it wasn't bad either. it's not like the view mattered as long as you lived with the love of your life.
even if said love of your life could sometimes be difficult to put up with.
you remember when you started dating him and met his younger brother, who had the audacity to say with a serious face that you would regret dating your boyfriend. although you now understand the point rin was trying to make, you didn't regret being with sae; you didn't regret anything at all. and if you were to be honest, you wanted to ignore the fight and just spend the night watching a movie or something, but you had to act like a mature adult and find a better solution.
were you, though, being a mature adult by giving that response to sae when he said he wanted to talk? you were genuinely confused.
sighting and while wiping your tears, you patted the uncopied place of the sofa beside you. "ok, let's talk. sit." the man did what you told and you moved away a few centimeters to give him more space. it was… silence. a mix of comfortable and uncomfortable silence.
without looking at you, sae rested his hand on top of yours, causing you to flinch a little by surprise, but paid no mind and let him interlock his fingers with yours, your thumb now caressing his pinky finger.
"what… what do you want to say?"
"were you telling the truth earlier?"
"about me breaking up with you?" a "mhm" was his answer. "yes, i was ." by the corner of your eye you noticed he stared at you after those words. your mind couldn't decipher what his thoughts were. "i don't like being stood up on a date two times in the same month, y'know?"
the man sighted. "i was busy with practice. and i literally warned you at a good time, you just got to the place too early."
you let out a chuckle in an ironic way. "you did warn me, yes, and i wouldn't mind if it was once or twice, but enough is enough, itoshi." it was the second time of the night—scratch that, it was the second time in your entire life that you called him by his surname. even when you were only friends, you would call him by his first name or by cute, silly nicknames. the second time the word itoshi came out of your mouth, it was full of venom; venom that seemed to wrap so tightly around his heart. "i know your career is extremely important to you. i understand that and i want to support you in any way, shape and form, however, things can't keep going like this."
"i see." the reddish brown haired man looked at both your hands still together. you didn't let go of him, you didn't want to and he didn't want it either. “i understand.”
he should say something more. something more profound, more romantic, capable of making you stay, but what can the prodigy do about it? sure, he'd be lying if he said he didn't want you to stay with him, but the decision was yours and he had to take it, whether he liked it or not; whether it’d left him heartbroken or not. besides, he now understands just how much he confused you with his true feelings. you both were tired of the constant kiss and make up.
just how sae could be an egoistic on the field, he could be also one on his private life (just ask literally anybody and they will confirm).
you let go of his fingers to turn your arm so that your palm was facing upwards, in contact with his, and you interlock your fingers again. “it’s not easy for me but… i feel like it’s the best choice.”
you spent a few seconds looking into each other's eyes, until sae leaned his forehead against yours and you did the same, with your eyes closed and enjoying the cold night breeze hitting your bodies, the breeze contrasting with the bittersweet heat formed in your hearts.
“so… is it decided…”
“yes… it is.” you were glad that he respected your decision and that you discussed the matter without further discussion. “i’ll still pack my things today. in the morning i’ll call a friend and ask them to stay at their house for a few days. then i’ll see how it goes.”
“hm.”
he offered to help you pack your bags, but you refused—him helping you would only make you more emotional and rethink your decision. that night, you and your now ex-boyfriend slept on the same bed, back to back.
»»——⍟——««
"hey,” it was now the next morning and you had just gotten ready to leave the house. sae called you before you had a chance to get out the door. “do not hesitate to call me if you need anything.”
a smile formed on your lips. now that you were changing your path in life, it seemed that you just lost a heavy weight on your shoulders. sae didn't like that, but again, he was in no position to make you stay. “ thank you sae, really. the same goes for you, though. and don’t overwork yourself.”
those words and the little chuckle that followed hurt sae like a bitch. you always told him to not work himself till exhaustion, yet he always ignored you…
“well… goodbye, itoshi.” before he’d answer, you stepped out of the door, closing it behind you.
as the sound of the engine of your friend’s car starting up reached his ears, he made his way to the bedroom, to reach out for the engagement ring he bought for you. he layed on the bed, hugging the tiny ring’s box, hot tears running silently down his cheeks to the pillow.
you were gone. you were officially gone.
»»——⍟——««
tagging: @izzylovestnbhd
thank you for reading. likes, reblogs and coments are appreciated ♡
#blue lock#blue lock x reader#bllk#bllk x reader#blue lock angst#bllk angst#sae x reader#sae itoshi x reader#itoshi sae x reader#sae angst#blue lock x you
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one more time idc i miss him
i miss kip sabian 😔
#okay im done now sorry#i will tag this one in case someone has his tag blocked for some reason lmao#but i still miss him so badly tho. why must aew keep hurting me like this 😔#kip sabian#my beloved#kip in a box#wrestling
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I feel like people are conflating continuing the joke with invading their privacy… like no one is stalking them or sneaking pictures or bothering their friends and family asking about them we’re just continuing their joke that they set up within our fandom space. Which is exactly as we should be doing imo
yeah exactly. like i think when outsiders dont understand that we are in on the bit that makes some sense, but when it's PHANNIES especially phannies who joined post coming out???? it seems strange.
oh i didnt really explain why this kinda behavior is homophobic as well. (disclaimer: me calling an action homophobic is not the same as me calling an individual homophobic.) a lot of ppl use pj and sophie as a direct comparison straight couple example. pj has only directly called sophie his girlfriend once, and it was in the context reading someone's poorly written article about him lmao. otherwise, its known that they met in uni, have lived together since then, have worked on nearly every kickthepj project together, and generally their on screen energy is really sweet and funny. they also have a cat together and call themselves a family. it's not a stretch to say they're together in the slightest. in fact, it is just natural to assume so.
BUT when dnp who are now publicly out, have been very open about how much they mean to each other, have lived together since dan was in uni, have worked on nearly every project together (even in solo projects the other would help out behind the scenes), have a clear on camera chemistry together, had co-parented a fish, a pigeon, and several houseplants and possibly plan to get a dog or other pet in the future... suddenly it's wrong to assume anything.
i understand the fear that may come from having been in the phandom since when they were closeted and it was much harder to talk about it without seeming like youre aligned with stalkers or ppl who harassed their families or dnp themselves to reveal more information, but thats not the case anymore, and ESPECIALLY if you discovered them post-gay, it's such a flimsy argument to say anyone is breaching privacy in that way.
now there are still some like unspoken basic decency and boundary rules. you probably shouldnt be @'ing them in your smutfics or even your pretty innocent theories about them being super duper in gay love. dnp themselves understand that if they aren't being @ tagged in something, it's probably not meant for them to see, and even acknowledged that in the twitter memes video. but us talking about it in our own spaces, especially on tumblr where they arent on as much but also on twitter BECAUSE THEY KNOW THAT THEYRE NOT MEANT TO SEE IT, is not the same as being like hey @/danielhowell @/amazingphil do you fuck nasty i gotta know if you fuck nasty. (but even if i were to do that, i feel like its very clearly a joke lmao)
so like just dont worry about it, if you still personally dont like seeing ppl talk abt this stuff regardless, you can mute and block people, you can blacklist tags, you can curate your own experience to fit your needs and you dont need to harass other people into suiting your needs.
#myrambles#sorry if it seems like im just repeating myself over and over#but like ppl shat on me when i talked abt it on twt and idk i just constantly feel the need to explain this shit#cuz i think some ppl (often younger) dont understand that ppl are just gonna post stuff you dont wanna see#and its up to you to curate your own experiences#and i dont even wanna try to argue about adult spaces vs minor spaces or whatever like i make it pretty clear that my own space is 18+#so if ur a minor and you hate the shit i post i actively beg you to block me and leave me aloneeeee shout out to the twt stalkersssss#idotp
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Dude, it feels like being in the flippin’ trenches being in the MJ fandom. From this account on this app that was taking over the MJ Tag and spreading so much misinformation to the point where I had to block her (She was using quotes from Shmuley, hinting that he could have been a predator, and he turned on Michael a few years ago I believe) to MJGuilters on TikTok making Pedo jokes at any positive Michael videos. Of course, the MJFam makes them wish they never said anything, being bombarded with truth and facts, but it never seems to be enough. Yes, there will be people who are just not educated and they take in what you tell them, but some others just won’t and call you names about be a “Pedo Lover” and whatnot. I do hope that one day, everyone will see and know that truth, but with streaming services allegedly saying that “the world isn’t ready for a positive Michael Jackson film” (according to one of MJ’s past bodyguards who took part in a documentary) I don’t think we’ll see that day. It hurts sometimes and when it does, I just feel like giving up and leaving it so I don’t have to hear any negative comments or jokes, and that’s the dark side of being a moonwalker/soldier of love. Defending him can be exhausting when it’s falling on deaf ears, but I know it’s our job to be here fighting for him when he’s not here himself.
Bestie I totally get how you feel. We are in the trenches day and night lol. I have a few thousand followers on here and a little over a year ago I was a well known MJ blogger and it got so bad that I was getting over 100 messages a day from people.
Like ppl would message either asking for evidence, asking me to explain a part of a legal case, some fan inquiries and whatnot but I was ALSO getting dozens of hate messages and harassment messages. My mutuals who are MJ fans can attest to it bc they witnessed how bad it was getting lol.
There was this one guilter troll in my inbox who would send like 50 or so anons DAILY for MONTHS straight harassing me about his cases. Of course, I fought back and we dished it out back and forth bc ain’t no way am I letting some dumb bitch slander my man lmao but the shit they would say was NUTS
Then my dad passed away so I had to step back from it bc I just couldn’t mentally handle it at the time. But idgaf I’m back lol and I’ll never stfu about defending MJ bc he’s innocent and idc what ANYONE says lol I will rip someone’s face off 😭 I had a whole reputation on here of being legit vicious 😭😭😭😭 my MJ followers would just send me posts to respond to cuz they knew I could shut a bitch up faster than them, it was so funny 🤣 ppl were fuckin scared of me fr cuz I’d bust into their shit and hit ‘em with every possible document they would mention proving them wrong so eventually they stopped messin w me cuz they were legit scared of my crazy ass
It can be exhausting tho trust me I totally get it. If you have to step away none of us will judge you. We have each other’s back and that’s why it’s important to have friends to talk to in this community. Lord knows my mjfam on here got me through some difficult times and I love all my MJ friends sm 💛
Just know that you aren’t alone in it and if no one else has you I GOT YOUUUUU and no matter what any stupid bitch says, MJ is INNOCENT and we have the proof on our side
#they wanna see him fall but he will never fucking FALL!!!!#michael jackson#mjinnocent#mjjinnocent#anon
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im really not having a lot of fun watching sams/laes anymore and it's just making me rather sad. so. this post is me yapping about that- under the cut in case someone doesnt wanna see it (and i have a tag to block if peeps dont wanna see my saltier/more discourse-ridden takes in general lmao)
tbch, i feel a bit bad about it. or not really Bad, just upset n' angry n' annoyed that im no longer getting as much joy out of watching the shows as i used to. it does a big hit to The Tism which normally clings onto these shows like a leech dhfssdfgd
i think i've made my opinions on the current arc blatantly clear to anyone who's seen me post about it before, but in case someone Hasn't, let it be known i do not like this arc. i hate it. i hate what they did to nexus/new moon, i hate how it's being handled, i hate how some of the other characters are being treated/are acting, i hate how the fandom has become so split over this arc that you almost have to pick a side and can only make friends on that side. i hate it.
anytime its a silly episode i have the gnawing thought of 'nexus is out there. perhaps being manipulated by dark sun or falling further into villainy, or something even worse.' in the back of my mind, so i can barely focus on the silly and just start thinking about nexus instead. and sometimes the silly episodes just bore me or contradict themselves or make me worried for the future. (ie, for the last one, some things that are nothing but silly jokes in the moment- such as frank- can later be considered legit serious and lore important things down the line, so i always have to keep my guard up a lil bit even around silly episodes. its rather exhausting).
and anytime its a lore ep im just not interested in it bc im more curious as to whats going on in other parts of the lore. ofc i mainly mean nexus, but im also curious about eclipse and what he's plotting. about the astrals, specifically lunar v taurus. i simply dont see the content i was hoping to see, and its been happening back-to back-to back-to back now on these two channels. so, it's starting to become unfun/boring for me.
not to mention that i just Miss the vibby games- i miss the video games very, very much and i am constantly angered at the higher ups for making the va's do more lore both because all this lore is grating and im also highkey worried for the va's. idk how stressful it must be to film lore for basically every day, but i'd bet its not the best thing in the world. i fear for even worse burn-out.
overall, this, to me, is just not a fun time in these two shows rn and im really thinking about just Ignoring this arc completely in my own canon and instead focus on past lore/silly videos. like i'll prolly still theorize about what's next and watch the eps just bc i like hearing their voices, but ive gotten past the "im angry at this for fun" phase and am more into the "im not angry anymore, just bored, sad, and disappointed with how things are turning out," phase.
i miss my wife, (sams/laes before this arc) tails. i miss her a lot
#yapping about smtn tag#the duck is seasoned. (salty)#tsams#the sun and moon show#tlaes#the lunar and earth show
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hello! welcome to my blog. click on the readmore to find out more about me (you know you want to)
🍄 my names and pronouns 🍄
my names are dee, beathan, silas and any abbreviations of silas (si, sile). mutuals can call me dorris alexander challenge. i use they/she pronouns, but i prefer masculine or neutral honorifics (sir, dude, mr, mx, gentleman, etc). you may call me 'my liege' if you desire
🌾 more about me 🌾
i'm white and british. at the moment i'm learning more about my scottish and irish heritage. i'm also autistic. my special interest is the nez perce war.
🌻 my interests 🌻
nature, celtic reconstructionist paganism, the wild west, medieval europe, codes and spying during ww2, the ancient egyptians, bison, small fluffy things, nature, hiking, folk music, scottish stuff, bbc and cbs ghosts, lord of the rings, animal crossing, horror novels, found footage stuff, space, plushies and the history of maize. as you can see, i am a very well-rounded individual.
🌿 dni and byf 🌿
dni: terfs, general homophobes and transphobes, racists, conspiracy theorists, anti-vaxxers, pro-lifers and zionists. ik that if anyone in that list really wants to interact with me then they will, but i promise you WILL get blocked.
byf: i do complain a lot lmao. i'm trying to escape from my family's conservative beliefs that i have believed for years. i'm very bitchy about it. also, i swear a lot, in case you haven't noticed
🌊 where else to find me 🌊
my ao3
my pinterest
my cohost
my spotify
i'm not really active on any of them but there ya go
🪻 sideblogs 🪻
@doodlebugs-and-doodleart, @heneversmiledagain, @suairceagsionadh, @the-days-of-49, @aesthetics-hypothetics, @pipistrelle-s, @wyncandel, @mus-rusticus, @be-ace-eat-cake, @moodboard-creator, @rosehips-and-autism
🦜 tags 🦜
i don't tag things regularly at all, so if you're looking for a reasonable tagging system here then you ain't getting it. however:
#dee rambles - all my own posts
#dee's history stuff - all history related posts, both my own and reblogs
⚠️ i don't censor anything, including tags. all tw's are tagged 'tw [x]'. this applies to all my blogs ⚠️
🦬 links and donations 🦬
donations:
links for palestine
palestine fundraiser (please donate to help families escape from gaza)
donate to the wampanoag langauge reclaimation project
important links:
more links for palestine
even more links for palestine (mostly not donations but resources to learn more about palestinian culture)
shop palestinian brands
stuff to do for thanksgiving (*definitely* not links to resources about decolonisation (it totally is btw))
what to do if someone has hypothermia
executive dysfunction tips
suicide helplines
debunking the lies your abusive parents told you
how to adult successfully
just nice things:
time is a flat circle
the sound of every forest in the world
if you're having a bad night
internet guide
bison (!!!!)
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Reminder: I won’t be tagging any kuro spoilers aside from the new monthly manga chapters.
If for some reason you are following me but don’t want to see stuff related to the new kuro anime, either bc you don’t want spoilers for it or just aren’t interested, you can blacklist the tag #book of weston as that’s the tag I’ve been using for all of the anime-related posts. That’s not the official tag so it won’t block other posts connected to the anime in case for some reason you just don’t wanna see mine lmao 🤣
Keep in mind that *may* catch some manga-only posts bc once I start using an anime tag for kuro i often stick with it for ease (I used to separate them but not anymore lol).
I also try to tag every post that may be construed as #sebaciel if I feel like it may make someone uncomfortable who doesn’t like the ship so it’ll get filtered. If it’s ambiguous or the artist has asked not to use that tag then I won’t.
On the other hand, if you’re here and don’t want to see any post that IS NOT kuro related, you can blacklist #not kuro. I’ll admit I don’t tag EVERY single non-related post that way (sometimes i’m too tired), but I would say I tag about 90% at least.
If you ever have questions about my tagging system, you’re free to ask any time, even on anon.
I tag for myself mostly bc I get twitchy if I am not organized, but I don’t mind using certain tags if you’re reasonable about your requests and not a dick. ;)
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m*thers
every time my mom is due to come back to CO, in the weeks leading up to her return, she's effervescent and effusive. secretly, my mom hates coming back to CO. don't know why, doesn't really matter. but instead of saying this from the outset, she conceals it until like 3 days before her flight out, or 1 day into her actual visit home.
then she picks fights. usually with us (me+my sister), her sister, or one or her friends. it's always over something trivial.
last time, i wanted to take her to my favorite brunch spot. my treat because her husband always treats me to nice dinners when i visit them. i told her 1000x it was my treat. the morning came that i had reservations for and i reminded her. she replied, "I DONT HAVE INFINITE MONEY TO SPEND TREATING YOU TO NICE MEALS!!!!"
three things: i said a thousand fucking times it would be my treat. none of the money in her account is actually hers because she hasn't worked in 5 years; it's her husband's. i had already bought dinner/breakfast/tickets to meow wolf/all of our ubers/her beer supply/food for home at that point.
i get testy and say that i was planning on treating us all and that her response was very hostile and unnecessary, especially when i have made it clear that i do not expect her to pay.
that was the final straw for her. she told me i was a bitch, selfish, "a mean daughter" (lmao. just lmao), that i had ruined her trip, that i made it so she never wanted to visit me again. she kicked me out of her airbnb and cut her trip short by 3 days.
THIS TIME, she tagged her (hotheaded, idiotic) sister in a photo on FB of them in california a year ago. her sister is trying to get disability and felt the photo may be harmful to her case. her sister, my aunt, is also insane and blows things way out of proportion — called my mom screaming at her, accusing her of sabotaging her case, etc, demanding she delete the photo. my mom deletes the photo. THEN she and her sister get into a three day back-and-forth via text and FB messenger about how the other is a cunt, accusing one another of playing the victim, digging up buried hatchets to swing them at each other, just going full scorched earth.
they block each other on everything. my mom says she doesn't plan to see my aunt when she comes home. i say yeah, probably a good idea, and at least she can't contact you now either.
a day passes. my mom unblocks her to continue arguing. she cannot leave it the fuck alone. she cannot refrain from continuing to stir the pot.
then she calls me crying because she wants to cancel her whole trip. because she "can't take it". i say what. she says YOUR AUNT!!!!!!! i say, didn't you already block her on everything and decide not to see her? you have to cancel your entire trip over someone who can't contact you who you weren't going to visit anyway? like there is 0 reason for this. also it isn't even "her trip", it's a trip her husband wanted to take so he could go to a football game with his childhood best friend. so she's making him eat shit on airline/airbnb cancellation fees and the tickets he has are going to waste because she can't stop being a fucking 11 year old about shit.
like talk about cutting your nose off to spite your face. i cannot imagine being married to this woman. it was unbearable being raised by her and at least now i get to choose my level of contact/involvement. but he works from home, she never leaves the house, and all she does is drink all day and pick fucking fights on facebook and feel sorry for herself. like sometimes when i hang with my stepdad i can barely recognize the light or spark in his eyes bc he's so deep in her darkness with 0 way out. he's isolated. he's trapped inside with her. i just feel bad.
i also feel a little relieved bc she's not coming home lol and i'd been dreading it the entire time. but now we all have to put on a fucking play about how she's not insane at all and it's actually totally reasonable to pick fights with people over stupid shit to goad them into being upset with you so you can feel justified about cancelling your plans and continuing to fester in your home bent over your ipad instead of getting fresh air, touching grass, seeing the people who still call themselves your friends.
idk it's just nuts. she is fully delusional.
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Writing Positivity Tag!!!
Wasn't tagged, but again saw this game and loved it.
What do you take pride in with your own writing?
Hmmm... probably the plots. Because I really like the ideas and concepts I come up with. I mean, the Bruce Wayne writes fanfic au? I'm still blown away by it.
Did you have any big inspirations from another writeblr? Who and how?
Ughhhhhh. I have so many. But the biggest ones? @cygnusdoesthings because of her, i'm still writing right now. Cuz the comments she put on My School’s Local Mafia Boss and then the recordings was what made me really, truly, well and fully realize that there were actual people who were saying all those stuff behind the comments. And also she has helped me a whole lot through so much.
@tristicorde cuz i go to her every time i feel low about my writing or about posting something and she always - always - knows the right things to say. Thats because the things she says are just facts. Not reassurances made up for the sole purpose of reassuring, but facts that reassure me. Also, her descriptive style of writing is something i strive to achieve 😭
@wakkoroni It's because of Vibes that I have as many crackfics as i do now (wips and posted). We have such a time and vibe just spouting out shitposts to each other in conversations, as well as incorrect quotes and hypotheses and hcs about the batfam, it is impossible to spend even 5 minutes with her and not get inspired to write or create something.
@sardonic-sprite because the first real fic i wrote (Ya Dun Fucked Up) was inspired by her Harbor. Her fics are the ultimate comfort, the ultimate hurt, the ultimate angst, the ultimate crack, and the ultimate family bonding. If you don't at least appreciate them, you don't appreciate anything.
That was a long answer. Anyways, moving on! (oh, special mention @uncertainwallflower cuz she helped me get past a very incredibly super-awful severe case of writer's block once)
What are you most proud of in your current WIP?
LMAO. WHICH WIP? 🤣
K the main one i'm focusing on rn is the tim gets kidnapped fic co-written with Vibey. And two things i'm most proud of in there are: a) how well mine and vibey's ideas just meld into each other b) the sheer amount of angst sprinkled throughout the fic. It's awesome. I love it.
What is your idea of a perfect day of writing?
Uhhh. I have chocolate milk or boba. I'm sitting at my desk instead of the beanbag cuz the desk is actually clear for once. I'm hyperfocusing as i write and don't notice the time pass by and don't have any pressuring due dates for school and everyone at home is sleeping and the sun is sending its rays through my window and shining on my hair making it go the cool brown color i love as i'm tip-tapping away at my computer. It happened once. I was writing the angstiest thing i had ever written at the time and was shaking. It was glorious.
What’s your big goal with writing?
That I never treat it like a chore. Ig thats more of a wish than a goal.
Then ig a goal would be to make it mean as much to someone else as it does to me. Or for people to just have a blast and let go of their worries and take a break as they read my stuff. But the goal that will never leave is to improve. I take one thing and work on it one by one until it's to my satisfaction. Currently, i'm working on describing settings.
No pressure tags: @uncertainwallflower @cygnusdoesthings @sardonic-sprite @wakkoroni @tristicorde @foursixtwonineoh-pieces-of-lego @blightwritesfic @pevensiechase
#quotidian convos#quotidian writes#tag game#writer tag game#writer positivity#writer positivity tag game#writing positivity#writerblr
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As author or as gif maker, have you ever got a comment that stayed in your head? Either positively or negative? (Have you ever received a mean comment?)
Very little stays in my head, first and foremost - I've often joked that if I'm not actively doing something, the inside of my head is like an empty elevator.
What I enjoy about this ask is the emphasis on asking about negative comment - I like the slight disbelief that anyone could ever be mean to me. Whether you meant that or not, it's very funny to me.
Yes, I've had mean comments over the years, but not a huge amount and I do put that down to mainly staying out of main fandom spaces. I've met plenty of people I adore through fandom spaces, but I'm way too awkward a person to do anything but hang out on the periphery - little I've created has ever attracted any interest or attention whatsoever, so I've never been of particular interest to anyone trying to be mean for clout.
That said, specifically about my writing and gifs: writing-wise, I've had one or two comments that have stuck with me over the years - one from my English teacher telling me I wasn't any good at writing (both academic and creative, woop!) and I then went on to fail those exams, another from a dear friend who told me I needed to learn grammar if I was going to write (gleefully disregarded, but appreciated in hindsight), and for some insane reason there's still a comment that haunts me at very weird points in my life about someone telling me off in the comments of a Teen Wolf fic I wrote years ago because I think I'd made a character both a shortstop and a cleanup hitter and that wasn't ever likely to be the case. I still haven't fixed it, and they weren't rude about it at all, but that comment does just float into my head occasionally.
On the flip side, I occasionally get AO3 comments that turn me into a puddle of jelly because people get bloody poetic at me sometimes. I treasure every single comment I get on a fic, but there were two commenters when I first started writing SandRay who wrote comments half the length of my works and I often go back and read those. Ao3 users hroncynning and schiannath, you know not what you've done but your words have impacted me more than mine have you, I guarantee.
Gif-wise, I can't say I've had anyone be mean about my gifs, specifically - at least, not that I'm aware? I did have one person being shady as fuck at me about my alt texts and captions, but they got summarily blocked. I've had at least three people thank me in their tags for "bothering" to do alt texts (wild considering how unhinged mine can get), so that makes up for the one person who sucked.
Someone did inbox me today to tell me my OFTS/Ray sets are coloured prettily (was that you?? Lmao. Two anons in two days is unprecedented on this blog), which is a lovely thing to say.
I also still very often think of this post, which someone submitted to a Teen Wolf fandom confessions blog. That post is 10 years old and still absolutely floors me. I hope the person who submitted it is living well.
#this got long. saaaw-reee.#i'm vaguely concerned this comes across as NOBODY HAS EVER BEEN MEAN TO ME IN MY LIFE CUS I'M THE BEST#or me saying i'm in some way too good for fandm spaces?? which is not the case#i'm just a freak and always have been#i think i got most of my i'm-involved-in-fandom out of the way back on LJ#anyway this was an interesting and unintentionally funny ask to randomly get yesterday#thank u anon it made me think about nice things#anonymous#ask post#so it is decreed#i also got an anon a couple days ago asking for a gifset which is really exciting#i'm nearly done with that soooo maybe i'll post that tonight or tomorrow morning \o/#but 3 non spam asks in a week? whaaaaaaaatttt look at me ma i'm famous
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RE: the 'this fc has this disability therefore the character must' weirdness.
as a both mentally, cognitively and physically disabled person i really am over that sentiment. i act to escape from my illnesses (most of the time at least.) and really like. . . unless its just impossible to separate someone from their disability then why limit them? same for similar things like 'queer people must only play characters who match their identity' its just so weird to me since acting is meant to let people look beyond their limits. i'd love to study if there's any connection between that and the chronically online idea that everything must revolve around activism. the idea that if you are part of a marginalized community, you must live and breathe activism. its a tiring and horrid idea.
anyway people like shouting out weird af ideas online and i've found in the past few weeks that the internet is even weirder once you start disconnecting from it. lol.
(you don't have to publish this i just had thoughts i had to blurt out.)
i don't have much to add as i already spit my thoughts out both in the comments of the og anon and the tags, but i thought everyone could gain something out of reading this. unplug. stop being weird if you genuinely have ideas like the one anon was complaining about. people are not the characters they play.
also, as a tiny aside, because i have received anons about this before and have even had to block some rph blogs about it? poc people can be from """predominantly white / western countries""" ( using these words INCREDIBLY loosely ofc-- it more reflects people's own racism / ignorance as they don't think white / 'passing' people have culture of their own which is. lmao. go outside ) and are NOT ALWAYS ingrained in their og culture. it can be as much to do with geography as it can be race / faith, etc. case and point: my older fc for pete is indian but is from britain. stop putting them / their culture on weird asf pedestals through celebrities that may / may not even engage with the culture / faith / suffer the mental health problems their characters do and vice versa. it's ACTING. get over it.
stop. being. weird.
#out tbt.#( this is the ONLY thing im gonna say regarding fc choice and whatnot#bc tbh?#I DONT HAVE SHIT TO JUSTIFY#but because i *know* some weirdos are crawling around my blog courtesy of last night?#I AM NOT WRITING A.LEX W.OLFF#PETER DOESNT HAVE TO HAVE TOURETTES. NOR BE J.EWISH#H#ES A CHARACTER! HE'S A FICTIONAL CHARACTER PLAYED BY ALEX WHOM I AM NOT WRITING!!! )
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TWST CH 7 Theory from an ENG ONLY loser
I feel so dumb. I felt like I just discovered the lost city of Atlantis, yet I'm almost certain this went noticed by like, everybody, so here, watch me make a fool of out of myself presenting this theory like I just discovered the Pyramids of Giza in the year 2022.
This is more just realizing that the events of CH 7 might have all been in front of us and (as far as I know) no one has brought this up since the game has started (this could've change now since I'm sure others have noticed this now that CH 7 is out in JP servers and I have a shit ton of tags blocked lmao).
I'm not gonna really add a bunch of commentary. Imma just let the images do most of the talking.
The shape of the chandelier as well as how the light tapers unnaturally very deliberately invokes the image of the sword, especially with that strong cross shape. It could just be a reference as most things in TWST are, or foreshadowing someone (perhaps Silver) putting an end to Malleus's OB via plunging his magic pen/sword into Malleus. I doubt they'll kill off Malleus (lmao that would be funny to kill off one of their most popular characters) so I take this all metaphorically, maybe literally, but only with Malleus leaving the battle fine in the end.
If this ends up being the case, imma be so mad I didn't realize this piece of foreshadowing earlier.
#twisted wonderland#twst#twisted wonderland malleus#twst chapter 7#twst theory#twst chapter 7 spoilers#book 7 spoilers#book 7#diasomnia#twst spoilers
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I finished reading Migration 17.6 of Worm.
Aw, man, Marissa has a narcissist for a mother. I know she said that she misses her, but missing narcissists is just asking for trouble. And Marissa may be away from home, but one good thing about that is the fact she's away from her narcissist mom. Where's her dad?
Did Noelle get her intestines removed yet? What did her short surgery involve? And there was talk of her needing a colostomy bag. I hate hearing about those things. Needing one of them sounds horrific. I wouldn't be able to handle it. Also, Wildbow uses "No'" instead of "No" when the characters are referring to Noelle by her nickname. I dislike that. When I first read No' I thought it was a typo. Wildbow shouldn't have included that apostrophe. It confuses things. Nicknames don't need apostrophes after them if they're not being used to show possession. You wouldn't write the nickname for a guy named Jackson as Jack'. The apostrophe is unneeded.
Also, I am 17 arcs in, and Wildbow still uses that confusing dialogue format, where it's not always clear which character is speaking and a dialogue tag would clear up the confusion. Like, he would have a line of non-dialogue, and then a line of dialogue without a dialogue tag, making it hard to know which character is speaking. And another issue I have with his dialogue formatting is when he breaks up a long speech in various blocks of dialogue, as if two characters are speaking, when it's actually one.
I still miss Taylor.
I don't like the reveal that Worm is set in an alternate world than ours. Yeah, I know it's superhero fiction, but it bothers me that things like 9/11 and one-dollar bills don't exist in Taylor's world. It makes Worm feel less real. Makes the Travelers' home dimension feels like the "real" world that I live in, where 9/11 did happen and one-dollar bills exist. And I actually hate fiction involving alternate worlds, but funnily enough, I haven't been reminded of that while reading Worm.
People in the comments sections keep being surprised that the Travelers are surprised that they were brought into a different world, saying how they should have known because of the fact that the Simurgh doesn't exist in their world. Honestly, that can be chalked up to the Travelers assuming the Simurgh came into their world and not the other way around. I think if this situation happened to a group of friends in real life, they would assume the angel monster lady teleported into their world. No one wants to believe that they got transported to another dimension, away from their home, family, and friends. The denial would hit hard. And I really hate how some readers seem irritated at the Travelers for being shocked that they got forced into a different universe. Plus, I would assume dimension-hopping was one of the Simurgh's abilities, or that she might have stolen a device that allows her to do that. I would assume she got transported into my world and not the other way around.
While reading this chapter, I thought the Travelers were going to stay at the hotel that Krouse and Marissa found. Also, she implied that she's seventeen. How old is she in the present day?
I feel bad for that Case 53 woman that got burned alive in the other chapter. I still don't know if she or those other 53s she was with are murderers, but I felt some sympathy after learning that they were 53s and not a bunch of random monsters who had been that way since birth. They were technically human, and they weren't always "monsters". Also, I'm not even sure if those Case 53s at the restaurant were even killing people.
That DDID measures sound extremely stressful. I would lose my mind from having to do all of that for ten months.
Cody needs to chill out. Everything he says to Krouse is full of hostility. I wouldn't be surprised if Cody tries to murder him. LMAO at Cody telling Krouse he is incapable of love. Krouse is a jerk, but he doesn't seem like someone who is incapable of love. Cody needs to meet characters like Jack Slash and Lung if he thinks that Krouse is incapable of love.
Krouse says this, "But it feels silly to complain when we have bigger problems and other people are hurting more."
I hate the fallacy of private privation. Just because others have it "worse", that doesn't mean you can't complain about your problems. The people in my family support this fallacy, though, and they make me so mad whenever they use that fallacy with me. Yet I hear them complaining about things all the time. If the person with the worst life possible is the only one who can complain, why are YOU complaining? Such hypocrisy.
And another thing about this fallacy is the fact that people deal with their problems in their own ways. Someone in the same situation as you might feel less sad about it than you do. A person you believe has a bad life might see themselves as having a great life, or a life that isn't too bad, despite you thinking that they have a terrible life. There are depressed rich people and happy poor people. Remember that.
I hate it when people feel guilty for complaining about their problems when "others have it worse". I knew about someone who was living a pretty crappy life, and they were feeling that guilt. It's ridiculous. Some suffering people don't even think they're allowed to complain, because of that terrible fallacy. And many times when I was depressed or in a really awful mood and needed some comforting, my family would use that fallacy against me, making everything worse. It was awful. Simply put, screw the fallacy of relative privation. And I really wish I wasn't the only person I know who hates that fallacy and doesn't use it against people. Ultimately, it makes everything worse.
Gotta get back on-topic.
Krouse using his power for the first time was pretty cool. And he really screwed everything up by giving Noelle half of that vial. I do like how his love for Noelle gives him some character depth. Before this arc, the guy seemed like a complete 100% jerk with no redeeming qualities. I still hate how he treated Taylor though before all of this. The other Travelers were pretty awful to her too, and awful to everyone else outside of their stupid group. I hate that.
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