#in a way where i try to establish a boundary and tell someone why something is such an issue im told it's actually me who's the problem

[fuckingkbitty]

.

[artsninspo]

FORGIVELESS - IV - YOU DON'T MIND SECOND FIDDLE, THAT'S WHY YOU A BITCH 🎻

« previous part

➨ rio's library - good girl nbc

「 ✦ full library & archive ✦ 」

IV - YOU DON'T MIND SECOND FIDDLE, THAT'S WHY YOU A BITCH 🎻

Pairing: Rio (Good Girls) X Reader

Word Count: ~2.4K

Warning: Messy, mature themes & 🌶️ implied, a bit of a domestic situation.

Summary: The rendezvous with Rio continue causing James to spiral. only women are better cheaters. Rio proposes something outside of his previous boundaries. Japan is revealed while you get to keep your secret about Rio a little longer.

Sitting in front of the mirror pleased with your makeup you go over excuses in your head. You’ve set up the perfect situation. You’ve overheard James whispering and arguing on the phone. Japan’s been blowing his line up. You already know your husband is suspicious of you but everyday you care a little less. Your own indiscretions with Rio let you know how much work it is to be dishonest. Chasing the highs of being a well off young professional has your husband thinking too much of himself and now he’s paying with his eroding marriage. It’s Rio who’s been consistent for a man who doesn’t think he's the relationship type. Looking yourself, you smile, feeling sexy. It’s become a familiar feeling again with Rio.  Heading downstairs you find James sitting on the couch which is a rarity for a Friday night. Usually he has some more important plans than spending time with you.

“Where are you going?” He asks.

“Friends bachelorette” you smile.

“Which friend?” he asks.

“Marlène from yoga, I was invited.” you tell him.

“Marlène” he says trying to register the name. “I can drive you there and pick you up” he offers.

“No need babe, I don’t drink” you remind him.

“How late?” he asks.

“Maybe 2 or 3 the latest” you tell him.

“Okay, maybe we should keep a calendar so we can keep up with each other's schedules. In case I want to surprise you” he suggests.

“Sure, I’ll see you in a bit” you smile waving.

“Hold up, we were invited to the wedding?” He asks standing as he makes his way over to you.

“I declined the invite. I know how busy you get.” You respond. 

“Next time, ask me first. I love you and I want to do what it takes to make you happy. I know it’s been hard since the move but I’m here and I’m in this and I miss you.” He says. All it took was some distance for him to shape up and pay attention.

“Ok” you nod pecking his lips and when he deepens the kiss, it's all wrong. The passion isn’t there, or if it is it doesn’t mix well with his lies and betrayal. You’re relieved when he pulls away. Your heart isn’t racing, there's no tingles or butterflies. Your heart settles a little knowing the sun has set on your marriage. You force a smile heading out to the car. Standing there James is struck with panic, sure now more than ever he’s losing you.

Heading out you meet a new group of friends at one of Rio’s clubs. It’s a bachelorette party. You remember yours. You’d been too young to be considered someone’s wife and so excited to do whatever James asked of you. It’s bittersweet memories. Had you known then what you know now you wouldn't have walked down the aisle. A cheater, a liar, a coward and your husband. Mentally you decide to file the next time you have some free time or at least get the papers. Once the liquor starts flowing between the girls you call Rio as planned. The thrill is still there, it’s how you're making it through this tough time. Reclaiming your agency as a woman. Rejecting the treatment you once settled for. Doing James just as bad. It’s dark when Rio rolls up to the back entrance of his establishment. It's only been fifteen minutes since you made the call, he gets out his G-Wagon matching it in all black. His hands go into the pockets of his black denim jacket as he waits against the passenger door. You dont waste any time heading to him. His smile is the same as always as his eyes look you over in appreciation. Rio never misses the details. Stepping aside he opens the door helping you into the truck. 

“You good?” He asks and you nod as he pulls off. 

“You?” You ask.

“Mhm” he nods. The silence is comfortable and Rio keeps a hand on your thigh possessively as he drives to his place. You notice he’s not here with you and somewhere else in his thoughts when he passes the exit to his place.

“Rio, you missed the exit” you tell him.

“I’m taking you to my place” he mutters looking over at you. You swallow feeling the new reality between you has changed. You're no longer on quicksand, you're in it. You don't respond feeling comfortable with the decision. You place your hand over his on your thigh.

“I gotta go out of town for a few days,” he says, breaking the silence.

“How long is a few days” you ask.

“Three, I was hoping you could come with me,” Rio says, shocking you. It’s what had been on his mind. If he left it would give James the opportunity to slither his way back into your good graces and probably lead to a reconciliation. Something Rio didn't want to even entertain the possibility of for his own selfish reasons, among the principal of things.

“Come with you?” you ask.

“That’s what I said, what I fuck you so good you cant hear now?” he remarks and you hit him playfully.

“Shut up” you laugh.

“You coming or what?” he asks and you look him over.

“Where are you heading?” you ask.

“Mexico for my cousin's wedding. I have a plus one” Rio says casually.

“I would love to but with all I have going on it’s not the right time” you sigh.

Rio’s nostrils flare in frustration “So what?”

You sigh, “Rio, leaving the country to be your date looks bad.”

“Fuck everyone who would question you after you say he stepped out” Rio snaps.

“Rio you’re being unreasonable” you respond.

“What about me gives off reasonable?” he responds and you smile. He’s right from day one he’s been a handful.

“Rio” you start.

“Tell him whatever he needs to hear, then bring your ass to Mexico with me.” he demands like it's not even a question.

“You want me held up in your room like a sex slave for a few days” You scoff.

“Shit the roleplaying might get you off” he shrugs still upset that you aren't jumping up and down like most women. Rio doesn't like having to compete for your time with the ego of a man that doesnt deserve you even a little.

“You’re being an ass” you smile, rolling your eyes at him playfully. He comes in for a kiss and your phone rings. You look at the caller ID and see it’s James. Rio sighs and you follow suit. You let it ring out but he calls again. After the third ring Rio turns on his sound system to mimic the club before hitting the answer.

“James?” You say.

“What time are you getting home? It's after one” he says.

“I don’t know I’m having fun” you lie.

“I’ll come meet you” he offers.

“No, go out with your friends. Don’t wait up.” You shout.

“No, I miss you and I want to make love to my wife tonight.” The thought alone is off putting. When your eyes re-open from the disgusted shudder you find Rio watching you pissed.

“Sorry I can’t hear you, I’ll see you in a bit. Bye!” You shout hanging up.

“You’re gonna have to tell him you know,” Rio says.

“I’m not ready to play pretend with my family or his. It’ll take time away from you and I'm having fun.” You explain knowing how it’ll work. Women were expected to be distraught, hurt or psychotic after infidelity from their husbands. Your callously orchestrated revenge will be vilified and used as justification for his indiscretions in the beginning. You’ll be burned at the stake for not lying down and taking disrespect.

“Think he’s shitting himself now? When he knows you know and sees you riding around with me, me taking you out treating you right. Then what?” Rio says onto your lips kissing you. The thought of James getting his just due is desert for the both of you. Your moans are audible as his lips kiss you down your neck. His hands hold you there firmly.

“Are you listening?” He asks.

“Yes” you nod.

“Good” his voice softens his dark eyes holding yours.

“He doesn’t get to touch you, doesn’t get to sleep beside you, doesn’t get to see you undressed, nothing. His time’s up mama.” His words are slow and deliberate. He’s placed his claim. His possession is all in his eyes. “Handle it, Love, or I will” he warns, incapable of sharing. You don’t even make it to the bathroom. Rio has his way with you on the couch talking you through it. He fights for control over what he’s feeling and channels all his jealousy and possessiveness into making you feel good enough to want him. Enough to forget about the feelings of a man that did not consider yours or upkeep his vows. You spend the night christening his home and the morning is everything you hoped morning’s with James would be like in this new city. Slow and full of comfortable silences based on quality time. Rio typically did not talk too much, not needing to but today was different. He wanted to put an end to Jame’s hold on you. To James being a two timing fuck waling around like he owns the world. He wanted James to pay for blowing up your life. By the time you leave Rio’s place it’s 9am. That’s how little fucks you have left to give. You don’t expect James to be waiting at the house when you arrive but he’s sitting in the living room fuming mad. His eyes go to your rings first. When they are located he calms down just a touch.

“Where the fuck have you been!” He snaps through gritted teeth, standing and closing the distance and sniffing you like a dog. It’s how you should treat him.

“Don’t talk to me like that!” You shout triggered.

“You’re not walking out of this house again to go anywhere without me. Matter of fact, give me your phone!” He snaps grabbing your purse from your arm. He finds your phone unlocking it with Face ID and going through it. Instead of fighting him you go for his phone on the island knowing you’re in the clear. You search to find the messages have degraded into arguing instead of steamy exchanges. The blue flame between James and his mistress has faded into contention with him trying to be more present in his marriage. It’s against everything the mistress wants to hear. Little miss Japan is pulling out the stops. Her revised attempts at luring your husband away from you flip a switch. You clear the counter throwing two vases at him in succession. He fails to duck away from the first one hitting him in the chest. The other douses him with water before shattering on the ground.

“I should’ve known you were cheating!” you scream, snapping him out of his rage. Fear flashes in his expression. “All the accusations! Neglect, no sex, it was all here” you snap holding up his phone. Tears well as you release the secret you’ve been keeping in for the past few weeks. You send the phone flying at him too. The device hits him in the chest and you snatch yours from him. “That’s how you’d let some women speak about me and talk to you. You dirty low down fuck!” You add feeling your hands and face heat from the rage.

“Baby” he panics “It was a mistake.”

“Don’t call me baby, matter of fact don't call me anything! Don’t call me!” You cry getting your keys and heading out. “Japan, Japan, Japan, whole time Japan is a fucking woman that you’re seeing!” you continue your tirade.

“Y/N!” He snaps. “I’m sorry. I can explain, listen to me.” His words mean nothing and you keep on heading to your car. He grabs you violently.

“I said I’m sorry!” he asserts with a mixture of anger and panic.

“You are and I’m done with you” you pull away but he grabs you. You try to free yourself but he’s too strong. You struggle against him as you and him exchange unheard feelings at a high volume. He wins the struggle.

“I said I’m sorry! I made a mistake but I love you!” He shouts, shaking you and your heart races as you see all the threads you’ve been picking at are loose. You want to stick the nail in the coffin but you don't. Instead you look at him with all the hate you feel for the predicament his actions have created. 

“I hate you and you’ll regret it I promise” you snap, turning to face him as you open the garage. Fear turns from panic to rage again at your threat. He grabs your arm unlike ever before. “Get out my face and let me go. Go be where you’ve been with her.” you snap pushing him off. 

“Don’t walk away from me and don’t threaten me!” He snaps as you get to your car. Before you get in he grabs your hood, yanking you back.

“What’s going on here?” An officer interrupts. Just the way his eyes fall on you it’s clear he’s been sent by Rio. James steps back and you readjust your neckline.

“I’m trying to leave and he won’t let me” you speak frankly. You hear James gasp in shock at your betrayal.

.

“She’s my wife. Officer I just want to speak with her” James says. You look him over and see he’s all wet. It definitely looks like a domestic dispute.

“Do you want to speak with him?” the officer asks you.

“No” you respond and the officer opens your car door. You get in.

“Y/N!” James shouts.

“Keeping her here against her will with force is something I can charge you with” the officer informs your asshole soon to be ex-husband.

“It’s a marital disagreement,” James says, trying to turn on the charm. It doesn’t work on the officer who gives him a final glare before walking out with you. 

“Stay put” he snaps at James. “Are you alright?” he asks and you nod, adjusting your sweater and clothes. 

“Yes”

“Did he hit you?”

“No officer he didn’t” you confess honestly.

“Go see Rio” the cop whispers before closing the car door. You’re a little startled at how perceptive you are and pull out of the driveway to head to Rio’s place. You find him pissed and pacing. His eyes go to your stretched out collar but he keeps his thoughts to himself offering you comfort and a hug. He ignores his phone ringing and you ignore yours until James stops calling and it’s your mom. you already know. James is in damage control mode.

Thanks for reading my loves, theres more mess to come - I promise. Keep on, liking, commenting and sending over ideas. I hope those of you who send some in liked seeing them integrated in the story. What was your favorite part?

» next part

TAGS:

@meadows5 @wnbweasley @becauseimher @ariiaeltheedonn @woahthatshitfat @miniaturehideoutmentality

[graysturns]

𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕙𝕖 | 𝕞.𝕤.

3.7k+ words

note: this had me crying! please listen to will he by joji on repeat to feel what i felt okay? okay love u guys bye

warnings: toxic relationship, weed use, alcohol consumption, p in v (unprotected), oral (fem recieving).

lightly proofread

⠈⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄

“you need to fucking relax. you get so worked up over nothing and now you’re bitching and whining at me over something that has nothing to do with me!” matt yells in my direction while sifting through his hamper.

“do you really think that’s okay? some girl whispering in your ear like that? it’s obvious she had an ulterior motive. and that way she put her hand on your chest, you didn’t even try to stop her! and now you won’t tell me what she was say-“

“why can’t you drop this? it was loud and i couldn’t hear her so she leaned into me. what the fuck was i supposed to do?” he interrupts.

“i don’t know, maybe establish a boundary? you always do this. it’s like i don’t matter to you. behind closed doors it’s ‘i love you baby, i can’t live without you, you’re my whole life’, it’s like i’m dating two different people!” i mock him.

“you’re such a fucking simp when it’s the two of us but god forbid another person is around. you forget i exist!” i continue.

“you already know i don’t like pda. no one needs to know the personal details of our relationship. i’m sorry you feel that way but that’s just how i am. you’re always trying to change me.” he huffs before throwing a hoodie down on his bed.

“matt, i’m not trying to change you. i just need to know that you love me. it hurts me that you’re so indifferent towards me at times. i need to know you feel the same way i do.” i choke out, tears forming in my eyes.

suddenly, his phone buzzes. i barely see the instagram message notification before he quickly grabs it and shoves it back in his pocket.

he lowers his head before bringing a hand up to his mouth, starting to bite his nails.

“what was that?” i stare back at him.

“it was nothing.”

“so, why are you being fucking weird?”

“i’m not being weird.”

“fuck this.” i grab my bag from his chair and walk to the door of his bedroom.

“where are you going?”

“matthew, i can’t be with you. i need — no i deserve — someone who loves me the way i should be loved. it feels like i embarrass you. you think i haven’t seen the models you follow? you’re so weird about your phone these days and i don’t have the energy to ignore it anymore. i’m not enough for you, but there’s probably someone out there praying for someone like me, someone who would kiss the ground i walk on, and appreciate me for who i am. you’re not him, but i’m going to find him. have a good fucking life matt.”

he stands at the foot of the bed, arms limp and slack-jawed.

i raise my eyebrows at him, awaiting some sort of response, but he rolls his eyes before turning around, focusing on his laundry once again.

“leave then, ungrateful bitch!” he scoffs as i slam the door behind me.

-two months later-

my head is pounding from the loud music blaring all around me and the amount of shots I’ve taken, which i’ve now lost track of. i feel like shit but i need something, anything to keep my mind off matt.

a pair of hands grabs my waist as i’m dancing and leads me toward their groin. normally i’d turn around and berate the man who felt like he had the right to put his hands on me, but i really need some fucking attention.

i don’t even turn to look at him before i press my back against his chest and move my hips in circles.

i can feel him move my hair to the side and start to kiss up my neck.

gross.

i continue to move against him, focusing on the music playing loudly. i feel high and drunk at the same time and everything is so fuzzy. i feel like nothing matters anymore. i’m so numb.

i turn around and face the man. he’s tall and blonde, with blue eyes just like matt’s.

“do you wanna get out of here?” i blurt out without a second thought.

he smirks before taking my hand and leading me out the door.

matt’s pov

i lean out my window, one hand tightly gripping the sill while my other brings the joint back up to my lips, sucking the thin white smoke. i exhale through my nostrils, shutting my eyes tightly.

thirty minutes ago, a mutual friend of ours posted a snap story of her downing shots. there were multiple men all around her, watching her drown herself in liquor. she wore a tight little dress that showed off all my favorite parts of her. my blood boiled at the thought of them ravishing her with their eyes.

that particular friend group is notorious for bar-hopping, and leaving behind whoever isn’t paying attention. i can’t stand the thought of her being stranded there, unaware of her surroundings, vulnerable and an easy target for anyone waiting to take advantage of her.

i press my palms into my eyes, trying to push the thought of her away.

she isn’t my problem anymore.

a sharp sizzling noise brings my hands back down when i notice one strand of my hair is smoking, the joint still between my pointer and middle finger.

“fuck.” i press the joint into the small ashtray she made me, when we went on a date to the pottery studio.

“fuck!” i yell out the window, wanting to throw the small ceramic out onto the street, but i can’t.

i’m such an idiot. she’s the only thing i’ve ever cared about, and now she’s out there, probably fucking someone new. but there’s nothing i can do about it, she isn’t mine anymore.

i stand up and shut the window, grabbing a hoodie from the chair and throwing it on before heading out to my car.

the drive is short and quiet. i pull up to the outside of her apartment building and park underneath a tree, far enough away to remain unnoticed but close enough to watch.

about twenty minutes pass by, and my nails are bitten to nubs, when a silver car pulls into the spot right in front of her door. i watch as she stumbles out, dragging some tall, frat-boyish idiot out behind her. she sloppily waves goodbye at the car as it zooms away.

i feel my ears heat up as she stumbles in to her apartment, bringing him inside with her.

it takes everything in me not to bust in there and rip him off of her. my mind runs wild thinking of what he could be doing to her in there.

reader’s pov

we exit the car and i wave goodbye to the nice man who dropped us off. i fumble with my keys a little before going inside.

“welcome to my home!” i throw my hands up and giggle.

“wow, it’s very.. cute.” he stands with his hands in his pockets, looking around at the stuffed animals on my couch.

i grab his hand and lead him up the stairs to my bedroom. “i don’t normally do this, but i just need to fuck and you seem like the kinda guy whose down.. for that kinda thing.” i slur my words as we enter my bedroom.

“yeah i’m so down, i think you’re really hot.” he chuckles before eyeing me up and down.

i roll my eyes internally before slipping my dress off and kicking it aside.

“okay let’s do it!” i clasp my hands together and giggle softly.

he smirks before pushing me onto the bed. “what a little slut, giving it up for a guy you just met at the club, and you’re not even wearing underwear, i love it.” he bites his lip before getting down on his knees.

he places a kiss on my navel before harshly sucking on my clit, with no warning.

i yelp out in pain, and not the good kind.

i can’t stop thinking of matt, how good he is at this, how i miss his tongue on my skin.

he begins to lick my outer folds, before slamming a finger into my cervix.

“fuck!”

“what’s wrong?” he looks at me bewildered.

“i’m not even wet, dude? have you ever eaten pussy in your life?”

he nods quickly before traveling up to my breast, and massages it slowly before biting down harshly on my left nipple.

“ow! oh my god, what is happening to me right now?” i blurt out.

matt was always so gentle.

he has a sad look in his eyes, and i begin to feel sorry for him.

“no, look, i’m sorry. come here,” i gesture at him to get on the bed and hover over me.

“i have lube on the nightstand, it’s okay,” i reach over and grab it, pumping some on my hand before spreading it around my clit and folds.

he pulls his shirt and pants off, before pulling his cock out and teasing the head on me, still in his boxers.

i look down and see them bunched around his knees and get the biggest ick.

before he enters me, i stop him with a hand on his chest.

“i’m not on birth control, you need a condom.” i lie to his face.

i always let matt finish inside me.

he smirks at me again, “that’s okay, i can pull out.”

“okay, no. i’m sorry this isn’t working out.” i roll out from under him and open my bedroom door.

“i think you should go.” i lower my gaze.

“no i can do better! i promise!” he pleads.

“get the fuck out man! now! go! go! leave!”

he quickly grabs his things and pulls up his boxers before tripping.

oh my god. i’ve never been so disgusted in my life. i cover my face in embarrassment.

matt would never give me this much second-hand embarrassment.

he stands, knees shaking and running down the stairs with his clothes bunched up in his arms. the door slams and i let out a sigh.

i feel disgusting.

after crying on my bed for a good five minutes, i look in the mirror and see a splotchy, nude mess. there’s mascara on my cheeks and my hair is a birds nest atop my head.

i need a shower.

in the bathroom, i turn the shower on high heat and step underneath the running water.

i wash my hair and face, then proceed to scrub my skin raw everywhere he touched me. my skin is red and burning by the time i exit the shower but i can still feel his grimy hands on me.

with a plush towel, i pat myself down before wrapping my hair up and going back into my bedroom to blow dry my hair.

halfway through, i hear my phone ding from the nightstand, where i had hooked it up to charge. i slowly walk over and peek at the screen.

it’s matt.

matt’s pov

my knuckles turn white from the grip i’ve got on the steering wheel. the windows are down, allowing the cool air to come in, helping me control my breathing.

a door slams and i jerk my head in the direction of her apartment. i chuckle slightly at the scene before me.

the same man, is now outside, standing in his underwear with all his belongings bundled up under his arm. not even five minutes after he had gone inside. his cheeks burn a bright red as he drops everything to quickly get dressed.

that bad, huh?

i snap a picture quickly and try to keep myself from laughing out loud.

this may be her first time trying to get back out there, but i can’t imagine how difficult it’d be for her to allow a man back in her bed after she’s had me.

i roll my windows up so i can watch him without being noticed. he’s scrambling to do something on his phone, shaking and crying.

how pathetic.

i can’t imagine how she’s feeling, probably sad, angry, maybe even missing me.

i decide to wait another twenty minutes. in the meantime, the mystery man is sat up against the wall crying into his hands.

finally, a car comes and he practically jumps in. they drive away pretty quickly.

i pull my phone out and shoot her a quick text. i miss her so bad, and i think she may be upset enough to actually hear me out.

thirty seconds pass and her name is on my screen, vibrating.

i slowly slide the answer button before bringing it up to my ear.

“hey baby,” i breathe out.

“uh.. hey,” she whispers.

“can we talk?”

“yeah i think that would be good.. can you come over now?”

“i’m already outside, sweetheart” i chuckle before pulling my key from the ignition.

reader’s pov

my heart is beating out of my chest.

he’s outside.

how long has he been out there?

did he see him?

fuck.

fuck!

there’s a small knock at the door, i quickly grab my robe from the hook of my bedroom door and slide it on, then run down the stairs.

i open the door to see matt, with his hair all fluffy and stubble on his jaw.

“hi matty,” i let out meekly, opening the door wider to let him in.

he smiles and follows me inside, shutting the door before grabbing my wrist and pulling me into a tight hug.

i feel my body relax into his warm plush hoodie, letting go of all the stress built up inside me. i wrap my legs around his waist and he carries me to the couch, covered in all the stuffies he had bought me. he takes a seat, and leans his head on my shoulder, exhaling softly into my neck. i twist my body so i’m on my side, laying between his legs, my head in the spot where his neck and shoulder meet, his hold on me still firm.

“baby,” he rubs small circles on my thigh.

“hm?” i look up at him through my lashes.

“i’m sorry. for everything. i took you for granted, and i shouldn’t have. you mean the world to me.” he sighs.

“you did. you hurt me a lot matt.”

“that girl, she was flirting with me and she kept messaging me, but nothing ever happened, i ignored all her messages but she wouldn’t sto-“

“i don’t want to talk about her right now, please.” tears threaten to spill over.

“i know, i know, i’m sorry. i just really need you to know i was never unloyal. i was just in a rough spot and i took it out on you. i didn’t know how to handle my emotions.”

i nod softly.

“and i’m sorry for calling you those names. and cursing at you. i hate myself for disrespecting you. these last two months have been absolute hell for me. i can’t get you out of my head, sweetheart.”

i nod again.

“i’m sorry for not showing you off, you’re the most beautiful woman on this planet, and i hate the thought of anyone looking at what’s mine and-and trying to pick you apart to get to me. i like keeping you my secret, that way you’re safe from the world around us.”

i raise an eyebrow at him.

“but that doesn’t mean i’m not going to do it. you’re worth so much more than you know to me. you deserve to be showered with love and adoration. you deserve everything, baby.”

i sit up slightly. “what does this mean, matt?”

he runs a hand through his fluffy hair before resting it on my hip. “it means i want to be with you, i can’t stand the thought of you being with anyone else. i’m ready to be the man you need me to be, if you’ll let me.” he looks at me with hopeful, bloodshot eyes.

i lean in and kiss him softly, resting my hand on his jaw.

he kisses me back with urgency before i pull away.

a tear slips down his face, breaking my heart into a million pieces.

“matty no,” i cry out and swipe it away, kissing him again.

“i love you. i need you back, please. if i need to get on my knees right here, i will.”

“please don’t get on your knees, you’re gonna make me cry.” i give him a small smile before curling up in his chest.

he wraps his arms around me and kisses my head. “can we go to bed, please?”

“of course,” i stand, grabbing his hand and pulling him up from his spot on the couch, leading him up the stairs.

he takes a seat on the edge of the bed, grabbing my hips and pressing his head against my abdomen, kissing me sweetly over my robe.

i bend down to his level and press my forehead against his, our noses touching.

“matt, i love you more than anything.” i whisper into his lips.

he grabs me and places me on his lap, so i’m straddling him, before he kisses me passionately.

“i missed this, so so much.” he sighs.

he lies back and kisses me with so much love, i feel my heart pounding through my chest.

i undo the tie at the front of the robe and start to pull it off my shoulders, leaving me bare.

“no, we don’t have to, i don’t want to make you feel pressured.” he grabs a hold of my elbow.

“no matt, i need this, please.” i plead at him with my eyes.

“you don’t have to ask me again, sweetheart,” he smiles before kissing my nose and flips us over, so i’m on my back.

he travels down to the valley of my breasts, leaving sweet, tender kisses along the way, then, a kiss on each of my hardened nipples. he takes the left one in his mouth and sucks softly while his free hand caresses the other, circling my nipple with his thumb.

he’s so gentle.

he focuses his mouth on the other for a minute, before traveling down to my glistening bundle of nerves.

“you’re so wet for me already, baby,” he gasps before running a finger up to my clit, collecting my arousal on his fingertip.

he pops it in his mouth, his eyes rolling back at the taste of me. i clench my legs together in desperation.

running his hand along the hem of his hoodie, he pulls it off, along with his sweatpants and boxers. his cock springs up, and i’m so happy to see him.

matt lies on his stomach, propped up by his elbows, before diving his face into my throbbing cunt.

he teases by moving his tongue in circles around the clit, then lays his tongue flat, making me shake uncontrollably under his touch.

oh, how i missed that tongue.

i squeeze his head with my thighs from the pleasure he’s giving me and he chuckles, his hot breath tickling my clit. he starts to place soft kitten licks on my sensitive spot before running a finger around the ‘u’ shape of my entrance, then slowly pushing it in.

i let out a loud moan. “matt! i need you please,”

“patience baby, i’m just getting started.” he starts to fuck my hole with his tongue, and i let out a scream.

“i can’t, i can’t wait!” i sit up and grab his hand, pulling him up towards me.

he smiles cheekily then positions himself at my entrance, teasing me up and down. i grab the back of his head and press our foreheads together, kissing him roughly.

“fuck me matt, i need you to fuck me.” i pull my knees up to my chest, opening my legs wide for him to enter.

first, he puts the tip in, and pulls it back out. then he thrusts forward, agonizingly slow.

his face contorts in pleasure, as if it were his first time.

then he picks up the pace, swinging his hips against me, groaning and praising my body.

i’m clawing at his back, desperate for his cock to go further inside me.

“matty please, deeper,” i whine.

“patience baby, patience.” he rolls his hips, causing me to let out a long string of curses.

i start to buck up my hips, wanting more.

“i said be patient baby. fuck,” he flips me around and pulls my hips up, so my face is buried in the pillows, before ramming into me from behind. i let out another scream, this time muffled by the pillows.

he grabs onto my hair and pulls my head back, slamming into me over and over again. i can feel the tip deep inside me, rearranging and disrupting whatever organs in its way.

the sounds of his groans and skin slapping make me feel fuzzy and light, i can feel my orgasm creeping up on me.

“matt, i’m gonna-“

“i know sweetheart, hold it for me, i’m almost there.” he bring his hand down to where we meet and rubs circles around my clit, causing me to clench around him.

my legs start to shake uncontrollably as i finish on his dick, and his thrusts slow down as he fills me up with cum.

matt came inside me. and it felt so good.

he pulls out and watches intently as it drips down my leg, then reaches over to the nightstand to grab a tissue. he wipes up my leg and around my pussy and throws the tissue at the waste bin in the corner, then falls beside me, pulling me into his arms.

he pulls the comforter out from underneath us and covers me, then reaches over to turn the lamp off. i snuggle into him, nuzzling my face into his neck.

“i’m so happy you’re back, i was dying without you.” i whisper into his neck.

“believe me, i know.” he kisses my head.

i close my eyes and start to drift off before he asks, “who was that guy that left here, crying?”

i widen my mouth in embarrassment. “fuck matt, you know about that?”

“yeah, i was uh, gathering up the courage to talk to you, and i saw him there. who was he?” he trails off.

“he was nobody. a disappointment, a distraction.”

“did you fuck him? before we uh, you know?” he asks with sad eyes.

i kiss him sweetly. “no baby, all he did was remind me how much i needed you.”

he sighs in satisfaction and pulls me closer. “i’m never letting you go again.”

⠈⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄

this is probably my favorite thing. i love it. hope you guys love it too 🤍

comment on this post to be added to my tag list! :)

tags??:

@imwetforyourmom @anonymouslyachrisgirl @junnniiieee07

[thats-a-mood-gabriella]

Okay. I kinda want to walk through what I think is happening in each of their heads during the conversation. For my own sake, mainly, but who knows, maybe someone else will find it useful. Spoilers ahead, obviously. (Also fair warning that this is long and I expect nobody to actually read it; this is mostly for me.)

So let's establish first where they are when Blitz arrives.

Blitz hates himself. He's on the path to healing after making up with Fizz, but it is a very long road ahead. So if you can imagine it as a spectrum where "hates self" and "loves self" are on opposite ends, maybe he's not all the way at the hates self end anymore, but he's still pretty darn far over that way. So Blitz is arriving thinking he's unlovable, that he makes everyone's lives worse, and that Stolas is possibly getting bored of him. We also know from his half of the duet that he genuinely looks forward to these full moon nights and likes their arrangement. Makes sense. It provides him with the comfort of what he thinks is the closest he can get to an actual relationship where all he has to give is something he knows that he can and that he's good at (sex). He wants to keep the arrangement going. Yes, for a way to earth, but also for Stolas. This, in Blitz's mind, is the only way he gets to keep him.

Stolas is likely unmedicated for his depression, since this show doesn't show us things like him being out of his pills as just a throwaway joke; it's important. Anyone who has ever had depression knows that it just loves to remind you of the worst things about yourself, most of which aren't even true. It tells you that you're worthless and unlovable. We can see this in the way he's covered everyone but Octavia in the artworks in his home, mirroring Blitz scribbling himself out of photos. He's been in a dark place. But Stolas is also being so brave, ready to ask Blitz to love him anyway. To choose him of his own free will, the way it should've always been. His depression is making it hard, but he's going out on the limb anyway and hoping Blitz will catch him.

"I need it back...permanently."

Blitz starts panicking. He reacts like a puppy that's been told it's a bad dog. He starts promising that he can be good, he can do better. He can fuck Stolas like nobody else can.

Stolas rebuffs the advance and this is interesting to me-- Blitz slips into his dom persona a little, trying to regain control of the situation. He calls Stolas "bitch" and pushes his legs apart, lowers his voice to be seductive. And it alllllllmost works, just for a second, as Stolas blushes and starts to fall under the spell of it all. But then he gets himself back under control and reasserts this new boundary.

Blitz immediately drops the act and starts to beg with genuine distress, tears in his eyes even, and up until this point, I won't argue with you if you try to tell me that it's all about the grimoire. I disagree, but I'll let you get away with telling yourself that. Right up until this point.

Because this is when Stolas holds out the crystal and everything changes.

Their fucking leitmotif or whatever you call it, I don't know music terms, it starts playing, changing from the dramatic, ominous music before. Blitz starts inspecting the crystal like he doesn't believe it's real.

Let's be clear: he knows what an Asmodean crystal is and what it does. He's seen them before at least twice, both in 2x05. So it's not that he's in disbelief or confusion about what it does or that it exists. It's that Stolas is giving it to him that's taking him aback.

"You no longer need my grimoire." "Whaaaat?"

Because all Blitz is hearing is "you don't need me now. I can be rid of you without guilt."

"I don't understand. Why are you giving me this? Am I not fucking you good enough? Because I can always do better."

Let's take a second to pretend we're in a world where Blitz has zero feelings for Stolas. That this has always just been about getting to earth. In that world, Blitz never says this line. In that world, Blitz splits right here. He has the crystal in his hands. He knows what it does. He is officially 100% free at this point.

But we don't live in that universe and this line proves it. Blitz thinks he's being cast aside and instead of seeing it as his chance at freedom from Stolas, he's begging to be kept.

I can do better. Don't throw me away.

"I care...very deeply for you. And I have for some time."

This is the face Blitz makes after that. The entire time Stolas is talking, he keeps looking between Stolas and the crystal while making this face, like he literally can't process what is happening. Of all the things he expected to happen tonight, this wasn't even on the list. And remember: Blitz hates himself. Blitz genuinely believes he is unlovable.

Have you ever experienced something so surreal that it's almost like you left your body during it? Like your brain literally couldn't process that this was happening to you, so it's almost like you dissociate to the point that you feel like you're watching it happen to someone else? Because things like this don't happen! Not to you. These are things you see on TV or hear happening to other people. But to YOU? There's no way it's real.

"You don't have to stay here with me."

He looks ALARMED. Scared. The thought that he's about to lose Stolas genuinely startles him. He doesn't want what he thinks is happening. He doesn't want to be cast aside. If his choice is this or the chains, he'd rather the chains.

But. That's not the choice he's being presented. Because Stolas adds,

"But I want you to."

And Blitz's brain, his traumatized, mentally ill brain...just can not process that. No one wants to keep him. He's a commodity to be bought and sold and has been since his father sold him to Paimon as a child (which, by the way, I'm fairly convinced he thinks was Stolas's idea, not Paimon's). Maybe even before.

So his defense mechanisms kick in from this point on. Default to what's comfortable. It must be a sex thing! There's no way Stolas means this, so it's gotta be some weird roleplay. Well, he can do that! He can swoon and say he loves him (and if that hits a little too close to the truth, then fuck you, no it doesn't) and it's fine because this is fake. This can't be real, because things like this don't happen to someone as "worthless" as Blitz believes himself to be.

Blitz is trying to protect his own heart here, but what Stolas is hearing is rejection. Blitz playing it off as a joke must mean that Stolas is a joke for ever thinking Blitz could love him back. And why would he? Stolas doesn't see himself as lovable, either. One of his earliest memories is of Blitz "using" him to steal from the palace, never knowing that Blitz was only doing so on his father's orders, just as Blitz probably doesn't know that he was bought on Paimon's order, not Stolas's. He's a commodity, too.

Stolas's depression immediately puts him in a place where he can't see past his own pain and self-loathing. Blitz not immediately jumping into his arms must mean that all the worst things he thinks about himself are true. Blitz sees him as the monster he fears he is.

So he pulls himself together and starts to walk. And again, Blitz could leave here if he didn't care.

But the strangest thing happens. Blitz realizes that Stolas meant it. He even asks,

"Wait, you were being serious? Hold on, Stolas. What the fuck?"

He's trying to talk it out. He's trying to have the conversation. He's hurt and confused and in disbelief but he's not running from this. He's not letting Stolas walk away from him because he wants Stolas, and he's actively trying to keep him. They have to talk this through, and Blitz of all people is the one trying to pull Stolas back into the conversation.

"The fact that you couldn't believe that I could have these feelings about you, the fact that your first instinct is that it's always about sex, that's enough to know what this is."

See, what we have to remember is that Stolas doesn't have all the information we do. He hasn't seen the crossed out pictures, he didn't witness the flashback to the fire that killed Blitz's mom. Stolas hasn't watched Blitz cry himself to sleep or drink himself into a stupor after what he perceived as a public rejection at Ozzie's. Neither of them have all the information about each other that we, the audience do.

So when Stolas, who doesn't know that Blitz hates himself and thinks himself unlovable, hears that Blitz thinks there's no way that Stolas could love him, what Stolas hears is "you, Stolas, are an unlovable monster in my eyes."

It just confirms all the worst things Stolas thinks about himself. It's a literal, "it's not you, it's me," situation, but Stolas can't see that because he doesn't have all the information.

And here's what's even more interesting. Blitz doesn't think it's over like Stolas does. He's not rejecting Stolas.

"Fuck you, Stolas. You spring this feelings bullshit on me, are you fucking kidding? Can I get a fucking minute to think after everything you put me through, you pompous, rich, asshole?"

This is Blitz saying that this is all very unexpected for him, but he's not saying no. He's saying "give me a minute, let me think. Don't take my first reaction in the way that you are. I was surprised. I was in disbelief. Give me a fucking minute to PROCESS."

But by this point, it's too late. Stolas's self-loathing has taken the driver's seat in his brain and all he can hear is that Blitz hates him, that he is unlovable, that he's a monster, that he's all the things he feared were true, and the person telling him that is the person he cared (second) most for in the entire world.

Blitz's defense mechanism is fight. Stolas's is flight. And so when Blitz unloads on him like that, Blitz is trying, in his own messed up way, to have the conversation. To work this out. To be honest for once and see if they can get somewhere now that the dam has been broken. While Stolas...his instinct is to flee. And since he's the one with the magic portals, guess what happens?

"I didn't realize you think so low of me."

You can tell by Blitz's reaction that he realizes they're not having the conversation he thinks they are. He realizes in that instant that Stolas isn't going to yell back with him. They're not going to scream at each other until they get it all out of their systems and reach a catharsis. He's hurt Stolas, maybe in a way that they can't come back from, and he immediately shifts his demeanor.

"Stolas, wait. I'm so--"

And then it's over. He's been kicked out of the palace. Thrown aside, just like he feared he would be.

And each of them are left feeling like the other thinks they're a monster, because neither of them realize that the only person who thinks they're a monster is themself.

I gotta go lie down, jfc.

[bird-inacage]

Only Friends: Sand's Reaction to Ray VS Boeing

I know some people will be annoyed that Sand wasn't more forceful in telling Boeing to leave him alone. In my opinion, this isn't really surprising. Sand's biggest strength and weakness is his kindness. He'll make concessions for people, even those who hurt him. Ray is a prime example. Why would his ex be any different?

Boeing's Dubious Intentions

It's glaringly obvious just how uncomfortable, stiff and exasperated Sand's body language is during their second exchange. This is someone he shared his ultimate dreams and passions with, which must have made the betrayal even more devastating. We still don't have the full context as to how this all went down, but I'm sure Sand hasn't forgotten that Boeing chose to leave him. Compared to their first re-encounter where Sand appears rattled and somewhat flustered, here he seems to display a more resolute lack of patience, possibly after reminding himself of Boeing's true colours.

This doesn't erase the fact that Sand had feelings for him once, cared about him once. Sand didn't choose to end the relationship, Boeing did. So there would have been unresolved feelings that Sand had to process alone in the aftermath. For Boeing to have the audacity to swan back in rightly warrants a less than lukewarm response.

Even so, Sand shows Boeing an incredible amount of grace when he certainly doesn't have to. He tries to calmly but firmly ward Boeing off. "State your business". "Just forget it. I don't think I'll go." "Just friendship. That I can give you." He makes it very clear that Boeing can find him at the bar but nowhere else. He's trying to establish a distinct boundary, which Boeing swiftly disregards.

Sand's Unease: Where Past & Present Collide

The way Sand is reacting says to me he desperately doesn't want Ray involved. He seems eager to keep him well away from Boeing. Sand could have chosen not to mention his ex's sudden reappearance, but decides to be upfront with Ray about it. I think Sand's turmoil is a sign of worry over what Boeing may do, rather than an indication of indecisiveness over his own feelings. The reason I say this is because Sand doesn't show any warmth, residual affection or happiness in seeing Boeing again. He looks mostly wary, unnerved even.

I can also see why Sand would try to refrain from openly displaying his feelings for Ray in Boeing's presence. If he exhibits just how much he cares about Ray, whose to say whether Boeing may pull another stunt like he did with Mew/Top and try to pursue Ray instead just to be messy. The way Sand looks at Boeing is laden with suspicion and uneasiness, particularly when Ray is around. This is really noticeable when Boeing first addresses Ray - Sand's whole demeanour gets much colder and standoffish.

We don't know precisely what Sand is afraid of - that Boeing may target any ill will at Ray? Or that Ray may be affected by his ex flaunting details about their history which could cause jealousy? Things are going really well between Ray and Sand right now but it's possible Boeing could try to stir up a misunderstanding or create conflict between them.

Ray's Protectiveness: "Deal with him or I'll do it."

Ray knows better than ever what Sand is like. He's all too aware of just how painfully kind and caring his boyfriend can be, often to his own detriment. Boeing is keen to exploit this very fact by trying to appear imploring towards Sand, "You never yell at me." Ray is also acutely familiar with how Sand struggles to say no to those he cares about.

Whilst Ray observes angrily, I like to think this comes from a place of being mad for Sand more than anything. If he's seen their entire interaction play out, he'll notice that Sand has not once initiated physical contact with Boeing. He doesn't shirk him off, but he certainly doesn't respond either. He keeps his arms firmly planted at his sides, and yet Boeing keeps trying his luck. Something about the way Boeing behaves with Sand feels like he treats him as a plaything - someone he used to have wrapped around his finger. Perhaps he thinks that the power he used to have over Sand still remains.

Sand's expressions also feel loaded with shame, as if he's repeatedly chiding himself for being foolish enough to love someone like Boeing, who so cruelly tossed him aside. That somehow he feels partly to blame. Maybe this is a Sand he doesn't want Ray to see. Yet here Ray is, on the side-lines, taking all this in.

From their very first interaction, Boeing is trying to undermine Ray. You can see Ray's growth as he doesn't confront or make a fuss, but chooses to respect Sand's wishes and instead stays quietly hidden to keep watch. He looks to Sand for confirmation he'll be okay on his own before leaving. Though he can detect something isn't right, he allows Sand the opportunity to handle this first.

As soon as he sees Boeing trying to cross a line, he steps in. He's not going to permit Boeing trying to drag Sand off somewhere alone, he'd rather keep the enemy directly under his nose.

What I'm hoping to see in Episode 12 is protective Ray to come out full force. I've said this before but the entire series has been Sand looking after Ray. Whereas this would be a great opportunity for Ray to look out for Sand, and to teach Boeing a lesson at the same time.

That eye contact in the last scene was so loaded. Ray's gaze is a silent threat- 'That's my man you're looking at, don't get used to it. If you're really stupid enough to try anything on my watch, I'll tear your neck out.' Don't ever underestimate Ray, he's small but feisty.

[cosmicobubisi]

Cosmic's Malleyuu Whump vs Flufftober: Day 31

making amends / Make a Wish

Simultaneously posted to AO3 here.

"If you could make a wish for anything in the world, what would you wish for?"

As was so often the case nowadays, Yuu and Tsunotaro were walking through some of the crumbling buildings of Night Raven's campus, just the two of them.

At this hour, most of the lights were off. It made Yuu feel as though the two of them were at the brink of the world’s consciousness, and though it was isolating, it was also somewhat comforting to be alone with Tsunotaro.

Comforting... wasn't the right word.

Comfort could not describe the feeling that had begun to poke Yuu more and more nowadays.

It bloomed like a flower around Tsunotaro, drinking up his rainlike praise with zest.

Like the bud of a delicate flower, their feelings were similarly veritable to be bruised or snapped if the winds blew too sharply.

This is why Yuu refused to investigate the felling any further, afraid if they nudged it too hard, it would die.

Tsunotaro was just so hard to read. On the best of days, he was an open book, generous with the stories he chose to share with Yuu.

On the worst, he was sly, often bordering on duplicitous. He seemed to want to catch Yuu in a trap were they contradicted themselves, the only apparent reason for why being because he could.

"What would I wish for...?" he mused gently.

"Yep! Anything you want! Just one, though," they said, a goofy smile on their face.

It was such a simple question, perhaps even a frivolous one, but Yuu found their own sort of pleasure in drawing the mundane from the magnificent.

"Hmmm. What are the bounds of this wish?" he asked.

"I dunno. You can't wish for more wishes, I guess."

"How many laws of nature am I allowed to break?"

"Uhhh... just tell me your wish!" exclaimed Yuu.

He shook his head. "I don't have one. I was trying to establish the boundaries so I would have more Ideas."

Yuu sighed, laughing just a little at the end.

"What about you?" he inquired. "Do you have a wish you'd like to share?"

A wave of thrill rose up from Yuu's stomach to their spine at the words.

"I think... I think I'd want a way to make my soulmate stay with me forever."

They winced as Tsunotaro laughed.

"What a simple notion," he said, as his chortles died down. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to laugh at you. It's very romantic, is all."

Yuu's brow furrowed, stamping out their hurt feelings.

"I guess," they said, trying to suck the venom out of his words with their nonchalant words.

"It's simply..." Tsunotaro trailed off, gesturing with his hands in the night air. "I cannot imagine finding any one person so alluring, that that's what I'd wish for before anything else."

"Really?" said Yuu, surprised. It wasn't their own feelings they were thinking of- Tsunotaro always gave off such a princely, dare they say romantic, air.

But Yuu wasn't blind enough to think of him as a prince on a white horse in silver armor. No, Tsunotaro was a man of shadows, who loved dearly but sparingly.

"That kind of love," he continued. "It's dangerous, or at least that's my impression."

Yuu hummed. He did have a point.

"But isn't there something so romantic about that?" they insisted, not able to let it go. "Loving someone so hard you lose yourself, being unable to tell where you end and where they begin? I mean, people go their whole lives never finding their soulmate."

Yuu smiled to themselves. "I'd rather have my soulmate and face all the problems in the world, than be able to sidestep a few alone."

Tsunotaro gave them a curious glance out of the corner of his eye.

"There isn't," he replied. "Not to me, anyway."

"A person like that?"

"A feeling so strong that could make me supersede all logic like that," he explained.

His face darkened.

"That kind of love is fleeting. Hoping for it to last longer than a moment would be like catching a wild bird in a cage. It will either fly away or die of despair."

Yuu pursed their lips. "That's pretty grim."

"Ah. I apologize."

"It's ok," they said quickly, wanting to smooth over the situation.

"I see the appeal, but I suppose I'd simply rather live untouched, never knowing a love so deep so it could never leave a hole in my heart."

"I get that."

"But you'd still want that, then? Your wish would be a powerful love, even if it were fleeting?"

"I do," said Yuu with a swell of confidence. "Even just a moment of pure love like that is better than a whole life without it, right? Comparatively?"

Tsunotaro looked off to the side.

"I'd rather not," he reiterated. "I'd rather live in ignorance, and never fear losing what I never had."

They walked in silence, and Yuu sensed they'd upset him with their choice of topic.

"Hey," they said. "What'd you think about the magift game this last weekend?"

--

Encircled in fire, the courtyard burned brightly as Yuu stood in its center.

The smoke was turning the sky an odd color, and the flames cast the serene garden in a macabre light, and it morphed the shadows on Malleus's face, framing him in a grim, desperate way.

At least, that;s what Yuu thought, from what they could see. Their vision wasn't doing so good these days.

The circles under Malleus's eyes were deepened by the grotesque light, and he kept a loose hold on his staff as he held his other hand up in surrender.

"Please," he said, defeated. "Let us discuss this."

"We. Have. Talked." spat Yuu, clipping the end of each word to ensure they'd be emphasized. "You have talked."

"Yes," he conceded readily, head bobbing in agreement. "I have spoken, more than my fair share. That is why I want to listen now."

Yuu said nothing, trying to amp up the intensity of their glare.

He was talking to them like they were a wild animal to be herded. His words were laced with sugary sweetness, trying to get them to swallow the bitter medicine of his words.

"I remember," he said. "I remember what you said back then. About a great love."

It took a few moments for Yuu to remember the conversation. Their walks felt like they were a lifetime ago now.

Why bring that up now, though?

"I see now. I see the value in such a thing," he said, a pleading undercurrent entering his voice.

Yuu remained unmoved.

It was what they wanted to hear, but too little, and far too late.

Their lack of reaction must have confused him as to their receptiveness of his words, because he took a step forward.

Yuu instantly took one too, flashing their weapon, and Malleus took two backwards.

His surrendering stance had reasserted itself, and he kept his hand up.

A stray bit of something tickled Yuu's bad eye, and they reflexively tried to blink it away before remembering that made it worse.

Instead, they reached up to wipe away the copious amount of blood dripping from their wounded eye, hoping this time, it would be the last.

They couldn't quite get it clean enough to see out of, no matter how much they cleaned, and when they dragged their sleeve below where they thought their eyes was, Yuu ended up tugging at something that sent more blood rushing down their face.

The sight made Malleus cringe in disgust, or pity, or something.

It was some victory.

"I want that," he said again, a tremor in his voice. "Please."

Yuu stayed still, and the intimidation tactic worked.

"Between us, you were the only one who wanted to fight for love. Allow me to fight for you. Let me make our few moments last a lifetime's worth of happiness."

Something ran down Yuu's cheek, and they brushed it away.

It would have been romantic, had it been a tear shedding, but Yuu knew that was unlikely, with the tangy smell of blood so close to their nose.

"Isn't it worth it? To taste at the fountain of love, even if you could never drink again?" he said, giving his voice a stamp of triumph.

Yuu was fed up with this. Malleus's hopeless prattling, in an attempt to extend their own life by even a few minutes, had worn out the last shreds of Yuu's patience.

He had no right to do this now. They felt a bit angry, but mostly, hearing what they'd wanted to hear for so long just hollowed them out.

"I'd honestly rather die," they said flatly.

Yuu raised the gun, and pulled back the hammer.

[theamityelf]

Speaking of underrated Yandere characters... what about Makoto? What would he be like as a Yandere? Can we even yan-ify the lad? I imagine the amount of power he has as Ultimate Hope (if this is post-everything) could be wielded in a real scary fashion... but at the same time, Makoto has so little malice in his body I'm really struggling to think of actual harmful yan-yan activities he could do that wouldn't just make me want to pinch his cheeks and go, "You're adorable!" ....Maybe that's a skill issue on my side, though. Since I find everything Makoto does to be babygirl

OKAY, let's do this. 🤩

As you've kind of observed, this needs to be divided into Pre-Tragedy Yandere Makoto vs. Post-THH Yandere Makoto. (There's a gap in there, between the Tragedy and the end of THH, because anything he does as a yandere while locked in Hope's Peak would be less interesting and so I'm ignoring that time period.)

I'm trying to keep this as in-character as possible, so I should say, before I begin, that it's also possible to go a "Makoto's canon personality is a front to cover his creepy yandere side" route, instead. That just wasn't my choice for this post. There are a lot of ways to go with this, and I'm kind of zeroing in on one interpretation.

(You can read this as x Reader; the best canon character to use as the darling for this is probably Hajime or some other non-Ultimate character.)

Pre-Tragedy Yandere Makoto: The yandere side doesn't kick in until they're in an established relationship. Makoto is pretty great at pining and having unrequited feelings for people; pre-Tragedy, I'm willing to say there's a generous off-ramp where the person doesn't return Makoto's feelings and nothing comes of it.

Pre-Tragedy Yandere Makoto, the trap only closes if he starts to date the person or get close to them in a way that is understood to be romantic, at which point his behavior is...extremely considerate. Or I should say, extremely thoughtful; considerate implies there are robust boundaries.

It's like, he's constantly giving his darling things they'll like, or things that remind him of them.

He of course doesn't announce to his classmates that he's dating someone; they notice the change in indirect ways (since he still doesn't talk about himself or his life that much). They notice he's often in a noticeably good mood, and he's often going above and beyond to accommodate his darling's needs. (The more true this is, the worse it'll be later.)

If his darling likes a certain musician, he's finding a way to get them sold-out concert tickets. (Maybe it's Ibuki's old group, and he has to do her homework for a week to get her to call them to get him tickets.) If his darling is home sick from school, he's making sure he has their notes for the day and doing favors for Teruteru to get them some soup and just generally, the vibe is, "Wow, Makoto really likes this person; he's going all out. They're so lucky. He's so great."

So, if the person ever tries to break up, some of Makoto's less scrupulous friends are going to be a serious obstacle.

Something like, Byakuya ordering them to take Makoto back, like, "His birthday is coming up, I didn't know what to get him, so I bought the bank that owns your house. Take him back, or I'll evict you."

Kyoko doesn't blackmail them, but she does some standard detective-ish stalking, enough to be like (if it's Hajime), "I wondered why you would break up with him, but then I found this [Kamukura Project signup sheet]. Needless to say, I think he'd like to know that the reason wasn't anything to do with him. I'll be taking this with me."

Mondo not explicitly threatening them but cornering them and asking a bunch of questions. "So, what gives? There's no way he fvckin' cheated; he was practically doodling your name in hearts 'n sh!t. So what's the problem?" (And Fuyuhiko might pull a similar thing. Makoto makes a lot of friends.)

If his darling tells him what his friends are doing on his behalf, he'll just smile sheepishly like, "Oh, sorry about that," and do nothing to stop them. He didn't tell them to do any of it, because he doesn't have to, and he kind of knows that and lowkey uses it.

Post-THH Yandere Makoto: Post-THH, the opt-out isn't there; if he's spending enough time with someone to develop feelings for them, his friends notice the change in his mood and that's pretty much a wrap, whether they start dating or not. "You can't leave. I haven't seen him this happy since before the killing game." "With everything the world is taking from him, he deserves one thing."

In either case, he's a very persuasive yandere. It's easy to explain away any clinginess or off behavior he shows. Anything he does personally (as in, not via being-sad-around-his-friends), he does for a reason. His yandere self is a weird parody of normalcy, where keeping tabs on the person he loves makes sense for a lot of reasons that seem obvious when he says them in that simple, innocent way, but he'll look away shyly if the person he loves were to take their shirt off.

Anything he can't explain away, he'll just apologize for. He's a really easy person to get along with. He adapts to people very well, and he has molded himself around his darling.

He catches them in a lie– even just a normal lie, like exaggerating what time they got back to their room after school, work, or whatever else –and gladly accepts any reasoning for it, and it always seems like he's the one being taken advantage of, because he's always so eager to accept his darling's excuses, but hey, why were you able to point out the lies in the first place, Makoto? And why did you?

Example:

"Yeah, sorry I didn't answer your text. I didn't get out of my study group until, like, 9pm, and by that point I was just too exhausted to check my phone."

"Really? That's weird. Chihiro told me you got out at about 5:45. And I heard that you were scrolling Instagram on your way to your room."

"...Yeah...Well I just...I accidentally checked my texts during study group, so by the time I got out, everything was marked as read and I forgot to text back."

"I figured it was something like that. No hard feelings! It's not like it was an emergency or anything. Hey, I got you something from the school store...!"

[soleminisanction]

So. What actually happened between Secret and Spoiler?

The meat of this story goes down in Young Justice (1998) #30.

Taking place sometime shortly after the YJ crew returns from their adventures in space with Doiby Dickles, the story proper opens with a scene of Steph trying to follow Tim home to find out his identity and getting caught to establish that tension in their current dynamic for anyone who wasn't also reading Robin at the time.

As a refresher, when they decided to date (which was a couple of publishing years back at this point, during the events leading up to No Man's Land) Tim had tried to talk Steph out of it because he couldn't tell her his secret identity and he didn't think that was fair. Steph had responded with, quote, "I don't care about any of that, Robin. I just want to be with you." But she'd recently decided she wasn't happy with that arrangement after all and had been sneaking around trying to learn his identity behind his back.

This issue is very cathartic to me because it's one of the only times she's called out for violating her boyfriend's privacy, which starts here:

Couple of things to make note of here: Greta's not attacking Steph. We'd previously seen what it looks like when she uses her billowing clouds of angry smoke to attack (against Harm and the Pointmen, for example), and that's not what's happening here, she's just really pissed off. Steph is the one who escalates the whole thing to violence with that kick.

And while there is an element of jealousy here -- Secret did follow Robin home to get a look at his girlfriend -- the thing that's set her off isn't seeing Steph with Robin, it's learning of and seeing her self-centered justifications for her plans to continue trying to violate his boundaries. Which, it should also be noted, is something that Secret could do much more easily, but chooses not to. So it probably just pisses her off even more to learn that her crush is dating someone who'd disrespect him like that.

So they take it outside.

Where Greta, despite her anger, is almost certainly holding back because... yeah, let's face it, Steph doesn't actually stand a chance in this match-up. She has no powers, she hasn't even trained with Cass at this point; I don't know where she got that grenade but she's otherwise working with like a red belt in strip mall aikido and a bunch of gear she probably bought out of the back of a magazine. Secret is a sentient hellportal, a conduit between the realms of the living and the dead. She's pissed off, but she's still mostly focused on calling Steph out with her words rather than physically harming her.

Which Steph responds to with, again, a grenade and... this:

Why yes, that sword does come out of nowhere for a single panel and then vanishes into the ether, never to be explained or mentioned again. I find that hilarious. I suspect the script just said "Spoiler cuts the power lines" and left Todd Nauck to figure out how that worked.

But uh, speaking of how that worked -- in Greta's defense for how she'll behave later on in this post, Steph just clearly tried to kill her first. Like. I assume that any grenade a Bat is carrying around isn't so high-powered that it's actually going to hurt somebody if thrown at them directly so for all my joking I'll give her a pass for that, but the power lines?

Steph, of course, has no way of knowing that electricity is Greta's weakness, let alone that it's a trauma trigger for her. But she also has no way of knowing that Greta isn't an average metahuman teenager who would just, y'know, die from being hit with several hundred to several thousand volts of electricity. Which is part of a trend in Steph's characterization -- she's always had a tendency to make rash, dangerous decisions like this and only consider the ramifications after the consequences smack her in the face.

And once again, this is Steph's escalation; Greta only lets loose after Steph tries to low-key murder her. But I did say in my previous post that she was explicitly trying not to kill Steph here, right? That's because she's not:

"Oh," she says, directly to Steph's face. "I'm not going to kill you, but you're going to wish I had!"

The issue ends with Tim giving the girls a lecture about trust that... honestly, doesn't actually make much sense, but it's only there to set up the bullshit Bruce would soon pull in Robin to wrap up the whole Steph-and-Tim's-secret-identity subplot.

Instead, I'll just take this moment to point out that these two pages are the only part that anyone besides Steph and Greta themselves actually saw: Steph, overpowered and running like bugger all while a furious Greta hunted her down. Tim and Red Tornado don't have any other context for this encounter, and anyone else hearing about it would have even less.

We should also probably address the question of whether Greta was actually trying to hurt Steph here and: no, I don't think she was. Not physically, anyway. I think when she tells Reddy that she "just wanted to scare" Steph, she was telling the truth. Which, mind you, means she was going to dump her into a terrifying hell dimension and give her a repeated taste of her own mortality. But it wouldn't have hurt her; it didn't hurt the gang when they teleported through it in issue 19. And, frankly, between this issue and the shit Steph pulls over the course of the Robin issues around this subplot... I think she deserved it.

I never said I wasn't a hater.

Now, to be fair, Steph has no way to know this. She doesn't know Greta, and she doesn't have a reason to think kindly of her. And like I mentioned, it's an important part of Greta's storyarc that her powers and her connection to death makes her friends suspicious of her, and that suspicion sadly drives her to Darksied.

Which is why I'm inclined to think that their next encounters, brief as they are, are deliberately framed. First in issue 50:

And then in issue 54, during the storyline where Secret has allied herself with Darksied:

This leads into Greta basically eating Steph for reasons that don't actually have to do with their conflict -- she's already eaten the D.E.O., ie, the people who held her prisoner, and would continue to eat, it's implied, everyone on Earth except the members of Young Justice, saving them for last as we come to climax of the story. That probably counts as "trying to kill Steph" so technically speaking Greta has tried to kill Steph once, it just wasn't the time everybody thinks about or in a jealous rage. It wasn't personal at all, she was just part of a checklist.

The important bit I wanted to focus on was Steph and Tim's descriptions of their past encounter, and the fact that Greta calls it an exaggeration. With that context, I'm inclined to think that "almost killed me in a jealous rage" is the way that Steph framed their story to other people, not necessarily because she was trying to manipulate anybody, but because that's how she, Stephanie, internalized and interpreted the event.

Because Steph, demonstrably, doesn't think she was doing anything wrong. If she wants something, like her boyfriend's secret identity, or whatever, she will come up with excuses and justifications why she should get to have it ("He's testing me! He wants me to figure it out!" etc.) and no one can change her mind. So it's inconceivable to her that this person who clearly has a crush on her boyfriend would actually be mad at her for the reason they say they're mad at her; clearly, to her, Secret was jealous, and therefore Secret must have been the aggressor. Plus, she was big and scary and Steph (to be fair) had no way of knowing that Greta was mostly just having trouble keeping her emotions under control.

And because nobody else saw what went down between them, people were more inclined to believe Steph's story over Greta's, partially because Greta was clearly the overpowering victor when Red Tornado and Robin arrived on the scene, and partially because Greta's powers mean people, even her friends, tend to be suspicious of her, which is a key point in her personal, rather tragic storyarc.

---

So, to summarize, because I know this has gotten rambly: Greta followed Steph home to investigate her and was angered by her violating Robin's privacy. Steph escalated their dispute into violence, and then further into attacks that could be perceived as lethal until she bit off more than she could chew. Robin and Red Tornado, arriving at the tail end of the fight, only saw the much more powerful Secret overwhelming normal human Spoiler and were therefore more inclined to believe Steph's version of the story which, naturally, framed her as the victim and Greta as the aggressor, when it was in actuality a more even fight fueled by anger rather than jealousy.

[dhmis-autism]

TALK ABOUT DAD DOG DUO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEEEE THEYRE MY FAVES

Okaaay I’ll talk about them! I’ll knock out about three or so things about their relationship that I've noticed that I like about it. Because they are my faves also as well. I mean, look at them!

First, and I’ve seen a post on this before (where I have NO IDEA I’ve BEEN LOOKING) so it’s not my original idea but I love pointing it out; how Duck takes care of YG physically.

First one to rush to get the first aid kit in Jobs, careful enough with Warren extraction in Friendship to not hurt YG, and some could argue that swapping his old rusty  batteries out the first time in Electricity is a form of first aid. There’s also smaller stuff like how based off the flashback in Death, YG clearly trusts Duck enough with things like this to ask for his help.

Second would be the fact that I think their relationship is fairer than a lot of people think. Lots of people seem to have this idea that Duck is sort of a weird parental/authority figure over YG or that their relationship is just Duck constantly berating this guy who thinks the world of him. I’m going to break down why I think both of those points are untrue, and why I think their relationship is closer to equal.

YG clearly feels comfortable enough around Duck to draw boundaries with him. Example that immediately comes to mind, for me, is when Duck is trying to get the other two to leave with him in Family and Yellow straight up just turns him down. Like, if he doesn’t want to do something or go somewhere with him, he won’t.

Also, weirdly enough, the fight in Friendship solidifies more of them being on a equal playing field to me. Like Duck starts it verbally, but YG both makes it physical and immediately tells Duck not to insult him. Which, IMO, you wouldn’t do to someone you totally idolized/a parental figure. YG barely reacts when his own dad pushes him in Family, so I think if he saw Duck as a parental figure he definitely wouldn’t fight back the way he we see him do in Friendship.

Third I’m going to end with cute things about them that I’ve noticed. Starting with of course! Little moments in Death that are sweet like…

YG holding all of Ducks ties during Big Day

Duck ironing white socks in Big Day when we NEVER see him wear socks. YOU KNOW WHO DOES WEAR WHITE SOCKS THOUGH

YG sitting on Ducks bed while he mourns him

The flashback during Memories where Duck yells at him to GET OFF implying that Yellow makes himself comfy in Ducks bed often enough to make Duck annoyed

Their shared interest in music :]

The way they both bob their heads agreeingly in Transport when Red Guy is cycling through driving instruction tapes, implying they both understand the lessons LOL

Of course I have to bring up the (you have diabetes/ maybe your blood sugar is low, let me get you a snack thing) which makes me cry a lil bit. Both because of what it implies about them offscreen AND because as I’ve established in a previous post, when his batteries are Charged, YG’s memory is NOTABLY horrible. And despite that … somehow the diabetes thing was important enough for him to remember <:3

Anyways fav fav fav duo I LOVE them with all my heart. ❤❤❤❤❤

[an-exasperated-hades-kid]

Ranking pjo ships cause why not :

1.Percebeth: 9.5/10

They're so cute, and I loved watching their relationship develop through out the percy jackson series like they have the I don't like you to ig we're friends now to besties who have obvious crushes on each other to lovers like this is the only slow burn that didn't make me wanna pull out hair. I love that these two would do anything for each other and are mostly supportive of each other and the seaweed brain and wise girl nicknames that went from insults to terms of endearment and I also love that they're not afraid to call each other our on their bs like I've seen stuff where percy doesn't say shit to annabeth and like have we Been reading the same books cause in MoA and HoH percy stands up for what he believes and even before that he doesn't bend to annabeths will and wishes like in botl and literally all the time in tlt like bro stands up for himself and expresses his opinions and so does annabeth and I love that ?? It's a balanced relationship in which there are years of getting to know each other and then getting together like they are bffs before lovers

But it has some issues, tho like they're wayyyy too codependent on each other which isn't that healthy but this is my opinion and I could be wrong

2. Solangelo: 8.75/10

I love them ok they're so cute like they're all about balance , acceptance, and understanding which is something nico needs in his life he doesn't need someone who'll worship him or sugarcoat stuff for him he needs someone who will be real with him about stuff like will has always been real towards nico and he has always taken care of nico wether you like it or not. Nico has always had issues that people are creeped out by him and afraid of him and will is someone who has never been afraid of nico and has treated him normally like he jokes with him and isn't walking on eggshells around him and makes him realize that not everyone hates that he can find a home in chb and nico says this tsats and even before that you can tell how nico feels and is extremely supportive of him and reminds nico that he's safe and is extremely understanding of nico . In tsats, we see that they complete each, like nico is the warrior and will is the healer, and both roles are important like nico protects will from physical harm and will patches up nicos wounds and protects him from mental and emotional harm. It also shows that no one is perfect, like Will isn't always able to understand nico so he asks for advice and this shows that trying is the best you can do for someone you love , trying to understand them and support them . They also have alot of potential in general as we've only seen them in their honeymoon stage and their developing stage we haven't gotten the established stage and sure tsats isn't perfect in the adventurous sense but the point of this book was to show healing , moving on and making peace with stuff and it did that pretty well .

The only bad points about it is that one scene in boo which shows that will had good intentions but bad execution in expressing his pov and I want them to talk about it cause what he said wasn't nice and it was quite rude ik he didn't intend it but still it was not OK . Next, I want nico to set up boundaries for himself because Will isn't a mind reader and can not know what to not do unless he's told . I want rick to tell us more about Will as a person like we know more now, but still I want rick to flesh out as a character even further

3. Jasiper: 6.5/10

They weren't well developed, and it was kinda forced by hera even tho I know that at one point they truly loved each other but it wasn't well executed and they were bad as showing it I honestly wish that they had more time to understand themselves and then into a relationship like it would have been much better that way yk

4. Frazel : 8/10

They're cute together, they make each other happy they're comfortable around each other and they trust each other hence they're a good ship

I don't see why the age gap thing is a problem because it's just 3 years and where I'm from, that's a pretty normal age gap between lovers like my grandparents have a 10 year age gap but they're happy and love each other but ill add it since some people see it as problematic. They're underdeveloped and kinda rushed, and whole I get that they knew each other before SoN but still

5. Caleo : 4/10

It came outta nowhere dude like they were together for 2 chapters and then kiss kiss fall in love like wth 🤦‍♀️ but they have potential to be good ship ig I'm being generous with 4 because of that also the age gap thing isn't a problem because mentally and physically calypso is like 15-16 but if you see it chronologically calypso is older than apollo who is 4 thousand five hundred years old and that's 🚔🚨👈😄

6. Valgrace : 7/10

So so much potential they would have been soo cute and the most un problematic 🤧

7. Percico : 3/10

No, just no percy literally strangled nico when he was 12 even though he knew that nico didn't mean to betray him and honestly just wanted to know about his mom which percy should have understood because his mom means the world to him and it was clear that nico didn't expect hades to double cross him and percy had a right to be mad but strangling nico is too far . Bro also implied that nico doesn't belong in chb at the end of botl, and bro was silent during the negotiation of whether to save nico or to let him suffocate inside a jar which un excusable he also kept giving nico responsibilities like dealing with hades's wrath which could result in death during tlo and then the whole doors of death thing when nico was extremely weak. so yeah, no, they'd be toxic asf oh and I forgot mention percy never apologized for anything and never thanked him ( from what I remember, it's been a min since I read tlo ) also nico had a case of hero worship crush on him which would make a power imbalance in that relationship soooo

8. Jasico : 5/10

I see them as bros and so does rick and it's written in a way that people would see them as friends like it's clear that nico doesn't like jason like that and in tsats it's said that he missed the feeling of Jason's protective arms around him because he trusts jason and if he was to say something about Reynas hug it would be the same thing or even hazels hugs because that's how he sees them In a platonic/ familial way ( not saying that jason is his brother here ) and he also said something like a part of him died when jason died and that's because he cared about jason like he was his 1st actual friend and he felt him die so this is understandable he's allowed to grieve his friend and miss him . Also, jason is kinda unfortunately dead 😕 😔 so it's outta the question. And if he ended up with jason the whole I can belong thing wouldn't happen because it was will who made him realize that he can have a place in chb jason tired to tell him that but nico didn't really believe him . But hey, I understand the jasico shippers and respect the ship. I don't ship it, and I never will, but I can see why people like it because jason does care about nico and nico cares about jason .

Wait, I think it's canon that nico heard the sevens debate on whether he should be saved or not in his dreams, and if it is canon, then nico saw jason vote for him to die in a jar sooo

9. Jercy : 6/10

I don't ship it ship it but it's a fun thing to think about. It's my crack ship, but I could not see it happen in Canon at all

10. Pipebeth : 6/10

Annabeth was definitely pipers queer awakening, but same as jercy, it's my crack ship

11. Reyna with anyone is not my thing because rick said she's aro/ace, but if you ship theyna or jayna, you're cool because her sexuality isn't confirmed in the books, so you can interpret it in anyway you want

12 . Nico x any girl is ew because he's gay it's confrimed in the books and multiple times by rick himself and if you ship him with any female gtfo

13. Valdangelo : 2/10

I don't know how leo views nico now, but when we do get his pov, he always has something bad or rude to say about him and as much as I love leo it makes me wanna hit him

I'm sorry for the typos and mistakes. I still don't have my glasses, and if I'm wrong about something, please correct me

[shadesoflsk]

Hi Ruby! I’m asking for #66 for the drabble game, a Leon x reader drabble, choose which ever Leon you want surprise me. Thank you hun 🩶🫶

hi nic !! I don't know why I had such a hard time deciding what I'd write for this one.😭 At first I thought I should write something fluffly but I had no ideas. But ultimately I decided to write something I've never done before so...... friends with benefits it is! This is angsty because I live for it hehe 😼 (Btw, I had damnation Leon in mind.) Thank care <333

66. “The only thing I want is you.” summary: fwb leon kennedy x gn reader, implied sexual settings but nothing explicit, angst, mentions of alcohol. wc: 1.0k

Generally speaking, time for Leon was borrowed. His stay on earth was merely a passing-through journey —or at least he thought so. Funnily enough, when he tried his best to stay stoic and indifferent to relationships, you appeared in his life. 

He wanted to compare you with the sun casting its light on a gloomy and depressive day. Yet, your whole existence was a thorn in his side, but he couldn’t blame you. As ridiculous as it sounds, the problem was him.

It all started as a simple friendship, you two shared things in common and therefore it helped to settle down into something deeper, but still nothing too intimate to get scared of. Ultimately, both of you found yourselves tangled in a friends with benefits relationship.

Rules were established and boundaries were set. Neither of you had any troubles when you decided to engage in this situationship. For him, it was a perfect opportunity to let off some steam, you were just one call away and he could lose himself in the warmth of your body and bed.

And you? Well, nights with him didn’t sound so bad.

Leon is a man of few words, you’ve always known that. At first, nights were spent with nothing more than grunts and moans that almost sounded like heavy whispers. Even the lights were turned off in an attempt not to see you as the light washed over his and your body. He was following the rules just fine.

However, the fine line between friendship and love started getting blurry and Leon couldn’t distinguish them. At first, you brushed it off as Leon simply forgetting the rules. After sex, one of you needed to leave the apartment —depending on where they were. To Leon, the act of sleeping next to someone was way more intimate than fucking. Weird, you thought. But then again, rules are rules.

Nevertheless, he started bending those rules as he wished. If you were more honest with him —more straightforward, you might have told him off when he asked you to stay longer. Just to chat, like friends do, right?

But you weren't.

As you lay there, exposed to the cold of his room with nothing more than a thin blanket to surround your body, he tells you about his missions and his wishes. Conversations that used to be so common when you were just friends, nothing more.

But now, everything was different and you couldn’t let him drown into something you didn’t want to involve yourself with. Besides, having a tipsy Leon who was letting his emotions flow so easily wasn’t something ideal. 

“Do you want some more wine? I could pour you so–”

“The only thing I want is you.”

There was no trace of his usual teasing and flirty tone he would use whenever you got in the mood. Behind the words he spoke, there were hidden years of solitude and yearning to feel loved. 

And those same blue orbs that hold so many memories of being a puppet lock with yours as he watches how your face falls for a second, before returning to your resting face.

“You don’t mean it.” You say with no ounce of doubt, asserting the fact that he shouldn’t have said that. Not now, not ever.

“Yes, I know what we decided but maybe we could just try and—”

“Leon, I’m not asking you nor bargaining a possibility. You don’t mean it.” There is no room for feelings or confessions at this very moment. Your words reach a conclusion before Leon can even form his thoughts. 

“That night we agreed to this. No feelings, no strings attached.” You reach for the clothes that were previously scattered, an obvious proof of what your agreement with Leon was. “I should’ve stopped the first time you asked me to stay longer.” 

Leon silently observes you as you quickly throw on your clothes and fix your hair. His heart aches knowing that he just dropped a bomb that was destined to detonate. And now, he’s just a bystander of your imminent leaving. 

And he knows that it’s selfish of him to even utter those words, he never deceived you nor did he want to. His statement couldn’t be more stupid, he was the mastermind of this dynamic but he was the first one to fall. 

“Look at me.” You break the silence as you stand in front of him, he has remained seated on the bed as you were getting ready to leave. And now even looking at you brings him a wave of embarrassment and a hint of humiliation. 

“You’re amazing. I’m glad to call you a friend even if we just… yeah.” You sigh in frustration as you predict this may as well be the last time you can be genuine with him. After his attempt at confessing, you don’t know how you can fix the relationship. Having sex was something, falling in love was out of the picture.

“But neither of us is ready for a relationship.” You grant him a gentle touch, brushing away a strand of hair that fell on his forehead. “I can’t be with someone who doesn’t even know if he will survive whenever he goes on missions.”

The knife that was already stabbed into his heart twisted and sank deeper. And when it bled, he thought he deserved it. He fell into the spiderweb of emotions and love but he couldn’t escape from this evident ending. You wouldn’t —even if you reciprocate his feelings— be in a relationship with him.

“Sorry…” You too are players of the same game. And, as it ends, there was no point in following the rules. So, you lean closer and place a kiss on his forehead, letting your lips linger there for a few seconds as if trying to memorize how it feels.

Ironically, you had shared many nights losing each other in the name of stress relief. Nonetheless, the gentleness of this one kiss brings a hint of intimacy that has your soul hurting as you pull away.

And swiftly as a draught of air, you disappear from his room and from his sight. In a state of dullness, he accepts his destiny. Loneliness, once again, fills his heart and body.

[the-perfect-wagnerite-again]

I have a categorical imperative question. I read some Kant in undergrad but do not retain much. My question is; does the categorical imperative account for specificities? As in, is lying, for example, acceptable under specific circumstances because under those circumstances the most ethic action would always be lying (say by omission)?Or is it more of a blanket concept, such that even though I feel it’s the right thing to (more or less) lie and tell an acutely dying man that he will “be alright”, and that this is the correct action under this circumstance, is it still morally wrong because I am lying?

Not sure if this illustrates what I mean properly. Would love an explanation to scaffold my meagre understanding. Please recommend any useful Kant texts that you’d consider readable for someone undergoing intensive study in an entirely separate discipline, too (I mean that I don’t have a whole lot of time to dedicate to personal reading). I’d love to learn more but have some difficulty knowing where to start.

The short answer is: no, the moral law is immutable and absolute.

The thing to understand about Kantian deontology, and the thing that gives most people the most trouble with accepting it, is that it makes absolutely zero room for conditionals. Kant was not trying to derive moral rules based on sentiment or hypotheticals, he wanted to derive a moral LAW from the principles of his metaphysical system. A law is universal, regardless of circumstance.

It's difficult to explain why this moral law is such without getting into the specifics of Kantian metaphysics, because the two are deeply interconnected, but I can give a few brief comments to summarize Kant's first Critique:

We live in a phenomenal reality full of objects that we perceive and cognize through our rational faculties (this is the world of science and matter).

Our capacity to understand this world is predicated on the subjective unity of our self-consciousness (Kant called this the fundamental unity of apperception). If we had no self-awareness, and no awareness of our self-awareness, we would have no knowledge of the world.

The Self, therefore, is simultaneously an object in the world (we interact with other people every day) and a subject transcendental TO the world (you are not the object of your own experience - you are the vector through which experience is possible).

This becomes more clear as we consider freedom and free will, which directly contradicts the deterministic laws of nature upon which science is possible. We are both determined objects of nature AND self-determined subjects of free will. This contradiction cannot be rationalized away, because it extends beyond the limits of our cognition, and yet we still know it to be the case.

This leaves the Self as the isolated viewpoint of experience. When we try to experience the Self, we simply shift our perspective, in much the same way that we cannot isolate the boundaries of our field of vision without changing it. The question of morality then becomes: what is the way in which I should interface with the Other, that which is the "Not Me" but still possesses that same agency and self-determination as Me?

This cannot be a conditional hypothetical, because those change with the tastes of the person and their desires. Anybody can determine arbitrary rules of conduct (and indeed, the constantly evolving landscape of moral norms proves this), but it's something quite different to derive a moral law that is universally applicable in all cases. This is the categorical imperative, which has three formulations:

Act in such a way that the maxim of your action (the will informing it) should be established as a universal law.

Treat other rational beings (including yourself) always as ends in themselves, and never as means only.

From the following two, it follows that the will of every rational being must be regarded as though it were a universally legislating will.

The end result of this is an almost common-sensical notion of fairness and justice, a sentiment we all know personally when we are honest about our interpersonal relationships. The "golden rule," as we call it, has had a nearly permanent presence in the moral discourses of all sufficiently civilized societies throughout recorded human history specifically for this reason. When we lie or cheat or steal, we know it to be wrong on a level more fundamental than arbitrary rules or regulations of society: we are violating an imperative that impels us to act with the same sense of duty to others that we would expect from them. This is why even white lies feel "off," because in the process of sparing our interlocutor the pain of the truth, we are denying them their right to full agency as a rational subject. We treat them as a means instead of as an end in themselves. The autonomous will, the truly moral agent, therefore consists of the agent that identifies the moral law within themselves and intentionally acts in accordance to it by virtue of their freedom. Willing oneself to obey the moral law IS freedom, because in doing so we release ourselves from the cage of desires, appetites, and incentives that would otherwise inform and inhibit our practical reason.

Obviously this is a prescriptive system and not a descriptive one, because human beings do not behave in this way. We are fallen creatures, we lie and cheat and steal where we can afford it, and we make excuses to rationalize our own moral failures in the face of scrutiny. But in that rationalization, we vindicate the categorical imperative, because it is only when we know we have violated it that we feel compelled to make excuses for ourselves (I only lied because X, I cheated because I deserve Y, if Z didn't happen then I wouldn't have to steal, etc).

As for readings on Kant, I advise you stay away from Kant himself. His work is an incredibly complex analysis of thought, and that makes it impenetrable for those who lack either the means or time to commit to him. Instead, I offer these recommendations to introductory texts on Kant, which are sadly insufficient as a substitute but good as a supplement:

"Kant and German Idealism," from The Story of Philosophy, by Will Durant (audio version available on youtube, highly recommended)

Kant: A Very Short Introduction, by Roger Scruton

Introductory Lectures by Dan Robinson, a personal hero of mine, found on youtube or here:

Let me know if you have any more questions, I absolutely love talking about this stuff

[mdhwrites]

how do you know a character is too far gone to be redeemed? I know it's partially based on the work itself and what rules it establishes, for one work blowing up planets is something you can work hard on redeeming yourself from and another will have small scale bullying be considered murder and how much we sympathize with the character committing the acts but I know it's more complicated than that. How far is too far?

So you essentially pointed out the problem with even asking this question. Whether a redemption works or not is entirely context dependent, even down to the person viewing it. Like if one person believes in excuses X, Y, and Z for redemptions but another only believes in A, B, and C then these two people are going to have vastly different opinions on what too far is. One might be that any murderer is irredeemable. One might make it that you cannot be redeemed if you kill innocents. Another might have it be that it's only once you do it with malice.

So... What does an author do about this? Well for me, I think the question is less "What line is crossed where they can't be redeemed?" and more "Where is the line where I'm writing someone who is nuanced to someone who is a caricature for this setting?" So long as evil is not all they are, redemption to someone is likely to be possible and you can breadcrumb the way to that redemption. Once you have someone who kicks a child over, takes their candy and lights them on fire while gleefully laughing, you have probably dropped any pretense. Even Unikitty, a show who's boundaries are almost non-existent, has Master Frown still do mostly things that are annoying instead of actively cruel so that he is still redeemable because genuine cruelty might be where that's starting to go too far, even as he laughs in glee at making people, well... Frown.

In a romantic story, it'd be the moment when a character fakes the fact that one of the love interests is cheating on the other because they are doing something anyone would know is wrong and would only be done by someone with zero human empathy. In a martial art's movie, it's the asshole who pulls a gun during what is supposed to be a fair fight. It's the mafia stooge who targets family. Stuff that any sane, normal human being would feel revulsion at even the act of doing it... They do it without caring. If they feel remorse, are pressured to do it, etc. like that, or even did it long ago but have changed since then, they can still be redeemed but when you have them, in the present, without a second thought, perform actions that anyone would tell them they're a monster for... Yeah, no one in your setting is going to let them be redeemed short of a heroic sacrifice.

Because that last line is the important one. What can a character get away with before the people in the setting themselves would consider them some sort of monster? Because your story is playing by its own setting, logic and ideals and so the irredeemable characters in that story have to actively go against those, not just our modern ideas of right and wrong because, you know... Fiction. It's not our world.

And as a writer, that's what you need to focus on. If you want to redeem a character, you have to make it so that whatever they did CAN be forgiven in story. The act they commit to try and make up for what they did before has to somehow be equal or even bigger than what they did previously. This is also why there is a point at which death is the only way for them to make up for what they did because they have been so horrendous by the rules of the story that only the ultimate sacrifice can even attempt to balance the scales.

So long story short: Don't worry about what your audience will find acceptable. Remember that for a redemption to work, it must be believable in universe and that will shift between stories, or even between chapters, and that that's what's important. Those are the people the character wronged after all, not the reader. See you next tale.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[lostcauses-noregrets]

A few words about trolling and harassment

I've had quite a lot of asks recently about how to deal with trolling, hate and negativity in fandom. There are too many to answer individually, so I hope you don't mind me answering like this.

Sadly trolling and hate is nothing new, it's always been a feature of fandom, and the Eruri fandom is no exception. Because the Eruri fandom has quite visible and popular artists and writers, I think it tends to attracts more trolls than you might expect for such a small fandom. It's also noticeable that incidents of hate and trolling always increase when the whole fandom becomes more active in the run up to anime season releases. Trolling can happen at any time though, sometimes it's a single sorry individual with no life, too much time on their hands, and no imagination to do anything more creative.

Being targeted by trolls can be understandably upsetting and I know that some people get really anxious and upset by the low level ship hate that buzzes around in the background. So how to deal with it? It might sound trite but the best thing to do with trolls is ignore them. Trolls are desperate for your attention, so don't give it to them. I know that's easier said than done though so my advice is that if you can't resist responding, do so with humour. Trolls rarely appreciate being laughed at. I have a strict policy of ignoring all the anon hate I get here on tumblr, but occasionally I get an ask that is too hilarious not to share, so I post it on twitter for everyone to point and laugh at.

Dealing with disingenuous fans can be a bit tricker, as it's not always easy to tell when someone is arguing a point in good faith or if it's bait and they're just trying to start shit. Like trolls, bait is best ignored. Don't let them hook you in and don't argue back, it's not worth wasting your time trying to change their mind. You won't. Just walk away. Spend your precious time on something that you enjoy instead, like reading your favourite fanfic, or creating something new for your fandom. And whatever you do, don't engage with ship hate and ship wars. Leave others to enjoy their ship, and you focus on enjoying your own. Shipping isn't a competition; it's not something you can win or lose. If people are bringing negativity and hate into the tags block them, and curate your timeline to minimise their visibility.

If you find that trolling, harassment and fandom discourse is making you really anxious and upset then you need to disengage. It's vitally important to establish your own boundaries and to stick by them. Don't hang out in spaces where there are people who will upset you, block and report obvious trolls, and mute anyone who brings negativity into your fandom spaces, even if they're from your own side of the fandom. Don't feel that you have to engage with the fandom at large. The best advice I've ever heard is that fandom is best enjoyed with a small group of like minded weirdos who you can share your kinks and headcanons with and who you can bitch to in private. Its sound advice and it's worked for me for years.

Way back in 2018, my friend and fellow Eruri fan @valisi-clark did a fascinating survey of why people send Anon hate. The anonymous responses they got were really eye opening. if you're interested you can read the whole thing here: Anonymous Hate Survey.

I can also highly recommend this beautiful post from @ladymacbethsspot with solid practical advice on how to deal with all kinds of bullying and harassment.

I hope this helps folk to navigate fandom's stormy waters. If anyone needs to get anything off their chest, my ask box is always open. I can't respond to every ask I get, but I do read them all.

[typellblog]

Oh Mighty Typell, do you have thoughts on the fanservice in Monogatari? Your essay on Tsubasa Family made me get the Tsukihi panties conversation, where previously I had sped through the book at that point because it weirded me out. The Hachikuji stuff and the Karen teeth brushing are parts I just can't figure out an explanation for

So first and foremost one does have to admit that this is the author's completely undisguised fetish

Bearing in mind that this is just a normal part of Monogatari's narrative that forms part of the appeal for some readers, that likely forms part of the appeal for the writer, and that these facts provide the majority of the impetus for its inclusion-

We discover that the writer nonetheless knows what he's doing, and matches the fanservice to the kind of story he's trying to tell overall.

Sometimes this leads to a fanservice scene that people embrace as deeply meaningful - take for example in Hitagi Crab where she undresses and how the sensual way this is described contrasts deeply with how her attempted rape in the past is depicted. The fanservice emphasises Hitagi's agency, but also her vulnerability, in a way that avoids coming off as tasteless. But did she really need to strip to convey this? Well, probably not.

Sometimes this leads to fanservice that people struggle to explain - I would say that the stuff in Nadeko Snake is pretty high up in terms of pointlessness, being the most excessive arc in Bake despite not really having much to say. We can relate how Nadeko's body is displayed to some themes of the arc, how it characterises her as someone who dislikes being perceived. But did it need to be bloomers and a school swimsuit specifically? No, lol.

As for the examples you mentioned, the consistency and depth of Koyomi's assaults upon Mayoi prove somewhat intractable to most, but consider how their first interaction wasn't sexual in nature but just a fight. I think both the physicality and rudeness of it are important. The rudeness is an element of Koyomi's characterisation as someone who can often violate boundaries in the pursuit of helping people, while the physicality relates to Hachikuji's ghostly nature and inability to normally interact with others. There's a reason why she seems to welcome Koyomi's usual greeting after it becomes an established routine. But did he really need to grope her breasts? Well, no.

Karen's teeth frustrates me more and more over time because of how disconnected from the overall narrative it seems, but of course on a basic level we can still make something of it. Karen changes her appearance with Tsukihi's clothes, and in doing so forces Koyomi to re-evaluate his perception of her. Their casual intimacy (as represented by the deeply familial symbol of the toothbrush) is complicated by sexual desire (need I remind the reader that this forms the main appeal of incest porn) and results in, idk. Koyomi seeing her as more adult? Like I said it feels frustratingly disconnected from the rest of what's going on but at the same time it does inevitably orient itself around Koyomi's relationship with his sisters - the fact that it's deeply character-driven adds to the appeal.

I'm sure more work could be done here, especially with the context of the rest of the series that I haven't looked at too deeply yet, but one warning I want to give is that you shouldn't approach this with the object of explaining the fanservice away. The fact that it is sexual in nature can be deeply necessary to what it is saying, or, like in Mayoi's case, it could be easily substituted with play-fighting.

Point being, the fact that it icks you out might lead you to assigning it more weight than it was ever conceived with.

[caught-in-a-seesaw-stigma]

Peripheral, Part 11

Peripheral, Part 11

Pairings: OT7 x reader; Taehyung x Jimin; Yoongi x reader

Series Summary:  An unfortunate accident leaves Kim Namjoon with amnesia, and Big Hit, BTS, ARMY, and the entire world are desperate to help him regain his memories and knowledge. Fortunately, a new genetics company has successfully created a system to alter our brains into human databases which can help someone regain knowledge and memories through a simple input/output exchange. Can this new invention give us back our beloved leader? 

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut

Warnings: NSFW 18+ ONLY: sexual shenanigans, mxm, handjob, sexual tension, Jimin's seductive gaze (always a warning), rimming, panic attacks

As the early morning rays of sunshine increased, golden light flooded Seokjin’s room, but nothing could compare to the giddy giggles emanating from Kim Seokjin himself. He and Namjoon were texting each other relentlessly, but it was time for Namjoon to get some sleep before his next physical therapy session. With a sigh and a series of hilarious gifs, Seokjin bid his best friend good night and he curled up into his pillow, clutching his RJ plushie out of habit, body listlessly craving some other comfort that the small stuffed animal couldn’t provide. 

Knock, Knock, Knock

Seokjin lifted his head from the pillow and huffed out a whine before trudging over to the door. Trying to rub the exhaustion from his eyes, he opened the door to reveal Hoseok at his doorstep, freshly showered and dressed in a sleek black tracksuit. 

“Hoseokie?” Seokjin grumbled. “Why are you up so early?”

“Well, good morning to you too, hyung,” Hoseok chirped. “I was about to make breakfast for everyone, so I came to ask you what you would like so I can bring it to your room.”

Seokjin’s shoulders sagged slightly as he remembered his promise to Bang PD to stay in his room. He sighed deeply before giving Hoseok a warm smile. 

“I’m not actually hungry right now, Hobi,” Seokjin replied. “But thank you for offering. I didn’t sleep well last night, so I think I’m going to catch up on sleep. Can you wake me up later for lunch though?”

“Of course, hyung,” Hoseok assured him. “Are you sure you’re ok? Do you need to talk or something?”

“No. I think I’m ok.” Seokjin’s foot rubbed a path on the floor, and he found he couldn't meet Hoseok’s eyes. “I just need to get some sleep. I’ll see you later, Hobi.”

Hoseok nodded. “Ok, get some rest. I’ll come check on you later.”

Seokjin’s door closed and Jungkook’s opened a moment later. Hoseok signaled to Jungkook that Seokjin was still sleeping, so they quietly made their way to the kitchen. 

“Is everyone still asleep, Hobi-hyung?” Jungkook asked, voice hushed. “Do you need me to wake them up?”

“Not yet, Kookie,” Hoseok replied while pulling out pots and pans as quietly as he could. “We’re going to make breakfast first and then you can go wake them up. Sound good?”

“Ok, hyung,” Jungkook agreed. “Just let me know what you need me to do.”

While Hoseok and Jungkook scrambled around the kitchen for ingredients and cooking utensils, Taehyung was scanning the disheveled room while Jimin snored sweetly beside him. The events of the previous night were playing on a loop in his head and he was conflicted by the newly established boundaries set by everyone. He rubbed his eyes gently to shake out the last vestiges of sleep clinging onto him and slipped out of bed and into the bathroom. Every action he took was laden with a mixture of relief, guilt, anxiety, and hope. His emotions were swimming in contradictions. 

Where do we go from here? How is this supposed to work? Did I do the right thing? Did we fuck up our friendship? What do we tell the others? What if the fans find out? How are we supposed to hide this? Do we have to hide it? Should I be ashamed? Is he ashamed? Will we still be able to share a room after this?

Quickly spiraling into a cataclysmic head space, Taehyung slid out of bed and paced. Most of the time, he would just dive head first into the chaos, but this situation with Jimin felt too delicate. One wrong move could trigger something disastrous. 

Is it worth the risk of losing my soulmate? Have we crossed some sort of line? What will the others think? 

Taehyung tried to shake the thoughts out of his head, but they simply swirled and settled back into disjointed thoughts and feelings. Unable to shake his distress, he decided to fixate on a more manageable problem: what to wear for the day. His proximity to Jimin was obviously affecting his ability to think, so he needed to find a nice quiet space for self reflection and elected to get dressed in the bathroom. He was pulling on a button down shirt as he heard the bathroom door open. 

“Hey, Tae,” Jimin called out sleepily. “Jungkookie texted me and said breakfast will be ready in a bit.”

Jimin caught a glimpse of Taehyung’s bare chest in the mirror and froze in his tracks. A broad expanse of honeyed skin was exposed between the edges of his blue shirt and Jimin licked his lips hungrily when he and Taehyung locked eyes in the mirror. Jimin’s lips pulled into a smirk and every trace of slumber melted away.

“Already getting dressed, Tae-Tae?” Jimin purred seductively, wrapping his arms around his soulmate's waist. “What a shame.”

“Jimin, I think we should probably talk,” Taehyung suggested meekly, trying not to let the other’s touch distract him and failing miserably. “We did say we were going to talk in the morning, and it’s morning now.”

“We did,” Jimin sighed sweetly. “But I still feel like I’m partially asleep and you look like a dream come to life. Maybe morning hasn’t officially arrived yet? Should I turn back the moon and sun to get a few more moments with you?”

Jimin stepped closer behind Taehyung, till their upper bodies pressed against each other, Taehyung shuddered as Jimin began nuzzling into his shoulder like a sleepy kitten while unbuckling his belt and slipping his hand into Taehyung’s loose pants. 

“But Minnie,” Taehyung gasped. “We should really-”

Taehyung moaned softly as Jimin’s hand deftly stroked him. All thoughts of meaningful conversation faded into the background. Every ounce of fear, uncertainty, and anxiety was pushed aside and replaced by hunger. 

“We can talk later,” Jimin promised between kisses. “I promise.”

“Ok,” Taehyung gulped, trying to make his words sound less desperate. “I’m going to hold you to that.”

Jimin chuckled as he squeezed Taehyung’s hardened length once more and then helped him lower his pants and underwear to the ground. 

“Let’s see if I can fuck you against this mirror, Tae,” Jimin suggested mischievously. “But leave that shirt on. This blue looks incredible on you.” 

Taehyung’s eyes fluttered closed as Jimin dropped to his knees behind him. Tears prickled along Taehyung’s waterline with each swipe of Jimin’s tongue, but Taehyung could not decipher whether his tears were from frustration or pleasure. His thoughts grasped desperately for understanding, but the thick cloud of lust in his brain kept everything obscured. One last thought crossed his mind as he felt Jimin’s tongue prodding at his entrance.

Please…I don’t want to lose him. 

—---------------------------------

Down the hall, slowly emerging from the steamy bathroom, Y/N and Yoongi were feeling very domestic as they prepared for the day. Y/N’s strength increased overnight and she was finally able to walk without assistance. Yoongi began blow drying his hair while Y/N completed her morning skincare routine at her vanity table. 

Yoongi was still replaying images from last night’s dreams in his head: a world where he and Y/N shared the ultimate connection. Sure, he would have his relationships with his brothers and with his family, but Y/N would be something more, something different.

A soulmate, perhaps?

Yoongi chuckled quietly at the thought. He often teased Jimin and Taehyung for their use of the term, but in this instance, it felt right. 

Besides, not all soulmates are born. Some are made. 

“Hey, Yoongi,” Y/N interrupted his thoughts. “Jungkook messaged us. He and Hobi are fixing breakfast for everyone. Should we help?”

“Are you feeling up to it?” Yoongi asked. “You are looking a lot better than yesterday, but I don’t want you to push yourself too hard.”

“I think I’m ok,” Y/N assured him. “Besides, after breakfast, I need to have a video meeting with Bang about Seokjin. I will feel better once I get some food in me.”

Yoongi nodded and started cleaning up. Once he was done, Y/N was finishing up at her vanity and sweeping her hair up into a high ponytail. Yoongi took a moment to appreciate her refreshed appearance and silently thanked an unknown deity for her recovery.  His heart ached when he remembered her pallid complexion, her eyebrows furrowed in pain, and the slick sheen of fever breaking across her body. 

Let her health continue to improve. I want nothing but the best for her. She is precious to me. 

“Ready, Yoongi?” Y/N asked while slipping on her shoes.

Yoongi walked over, pressing their foreheads together and stealing a kiss.. His lips lingered for a moment before pulling away and Yoongi grinned at the flush of pink spreading over her radiant cheeks. 

“Let’s eat, sweetheart,” Yoongi said while nudging her nose playfully. “My babygirl needs her strength before she leaves me to work.”

Y/N giggled, rolling her eyes before opening the door into the hallway. The two lovebirds walked down the hallway hand in hand, completely missing the muffled moans emanating under the door from Jimin and Taehyung’s room. 

It’s going to be a good day. I just know it is. 

—----------------------------

Hoseok looked across the table at everyone enjoying the breakfast he and Jungkook prepared, and he wasn’t even letting Taehyung and Jimin’s tardiness bother him. 

Jimin is notoriously late. I guess he’s rubbing off on Taehyung now. Oh well. 

Jungkook offered Y/N another helping of omurice, Yoongi fixed Taehyung another bowl of miso soup, and Jimin poured Yoongi another cup of coffee. The conversation was lively and the mood in their home was finally feeling somewhat normal. Without realizing it, Hoseok’s lips spread into a smile filled with contentment. 

“Hobi,” Y/N grinned. “What are you thinking about? It has to be something good to make you smile like that.”

“Yeah, hyung,” prodded Jimin, nudging his foot under the table. “Tell us. We want to smile like that too.”

“Oh, it’s nothing really,” Hoseok replied dreamily. “Just enjoying our very normal drama free meal. Things got a little crazy for a bit, so I’m just happy that they’re finally settling down.”

Hoseok’s words rang true. With all of the uncertainty they faced over the last week, it was somewhat comforting to experience a little sense of normalcy. Jungkook smiled softly, but it slowly fell into a small pout.  Taehyung was the first to notice the shift in the maknae’s mood, and he placed his hand on Jungkook’s shoulder to comfort his obvious distress. 

“What’s wrong, Jungkookie?” Taehyung asked. “What are you thinking about?”

“I just wish we could have everyone here,” Jungkook pouted. “You know, like Jin-hyung and Namoon-hyung. They should be here with us.”

“They will be,” Hoseok promised as he took one of Jungkook’s hands. “Y/N is doing everything she can to help us, Jungkookie. Don’t worry. It will be ok.”

Jungkook’s eyes watered as he nodded at Hoseok and Y/N reached across the table to take Jungkook’s other hand into her own. Jimin saw that Jungkook’s tears were only increasing, so he jumped out of his seat to wrap his arms around his sniffling little brother. 

“Thank you,” Jungkook choked out. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost any of you. I just want everyone to get better.”

“We know, sweetie,” Y/N soothed. “Don’t you worry about any of that. I promised that I would help, didn’t I?”

Jungkook nodded and squeezed her hand a little tighter. Taehyung continued to rub Jungkook’s shoulder and Jimin ruffled his hair a little to try and pull a smile out of him. Yoongi reached over with a clean napkin to dab at Jungkook’s tear-stained cheeks. Jungkook took one more shaky breath before speaking. 

“We all have to do better,” Jungkook pleaded. “Y/N and Namjoon need our help. We have to make sure she stays safe so Namjoon can come back to us. You all need to promise to do better.”

“We will, Jungkook-ah,” Yoongi assured him. “We are all going to work together to make sure Y/N and Namjoon have everything they need. Now, stop crying before you make the cinnamon toast all soggy.”

They all broke out into a raucous fit of laughter at Yoongi’s comment, even Jungkook had to giggle along with them. They all finished up their breakfast and Y/N excused herself to prepare for her meeting with Bang PD. While the younger ones cleaned up the kitchen, Yoongi flopped onto one of the couches and started scrolling through his notifications. One particular email captured his attention. 

“Hobi-ah,” Yoongi called. “Did you read the email that Bang PD sent us this morning? The one about a mixtape?”

“Yeah, I read that,” Hoseok responded. “I don’t know whose mixtape he’s talking about: yours or mine. He did ask us to meet with him after lunch.”

“Well, then I guess I better get ready,” Yoongi groaned. “Give me like 30 minutes and meet me in the garage. We’re taking your car this time.”

“Ah, fine,” Hoseok conceded while rolling his eyes. “I swear, we spill one bag of Skittles and suddenly, you’re banishing everyone from your car.”

“My vehicle, my rules,” Yoongi shrugged. “See you in a bit!”

Yoongi wandered off to his room and Hoseok shook his head in amusement. Jungkook stepped forward wearing a small pout on his face. 

“Sorry about the Skittles, hyung,” Jungkook apologized cutely. “That was my fault.”

“Don’t worry about it, Kookie,” Hoseok sighed. “Yoongi is just a drama queen.”

“Are we all going to the office later, hyung?” Jimin queried from the sink. “Do we all need to get ready?”

“No, it’s just me and Yoongi,” Hoseok explained. “You three will need to stay here and keep Y/N company and someone will need to make sure Jin stays in his room.”

“When can Jin-hyung come out of his room?” Taehyung pondered aloud. “Is he grounded?”

“Sort of,” Hoseok replied. “Bang PD is meeting with Y/N-ah to figure out what to do about that. Until then, he’s supposed to stay in his room.”

“We got this, Hobi-hyung,” Jungkook announced. “Don’t worry about it. We will make sure both Y/N and Jin-hyung are well fed and taken care of.”

Hoseok smiled at Jungkook’s enthusiasm and patted him on the shoulder. Jimin and Taehyung stood up straight and saluted Hoseok comically. His smile bubbled over into chuckles as he saluted them in return. 

“Ok, I’m trusting all of you,” Hoseok reminded them. “Please don’t do anything stupid while we’re gone.”

Hoseok got ready for his meeting, while The maknaes continued to clean up the kitchen while discussing plans for their day with Y/N and Jungkook. While the hyungs were either away or grounded, the maknae would have another chance to spend more time with Y/N, assuming she didn’t already have other plans. Jungkook grabbed a broom and started sweeping up the kitchen, already with the mindset that a clean house would make a happy house. 

If only it was that simple. 

—---------------------------------

Y/N took a deep breath before knocking on Seokjin’s door, knowing that the upcoming conversation was going to be a little rocky. After she and Bang discussed the current status of the already scheduled therapy sessions, they devised a supplemental plan to curb Seokjin’s impulsivity. 

I just hope he’s receptive to this therapy. Impulses are involuntary. Changing them is difficult, even for a seasoned therapist. 

All of her additional studies in psychology and counseling were working overtime with this assignment, and she was thankful that she at least had some preparation for handling delicate situations such as these. As long as Seokjin was receptive to her practices, then everything should go smoothly. 

Well, let’s get this over with. 

Y/N knocked on Seokjin’s door and adjusted the strap of her laptop bag. Seokjin’s voice roared from behind the door. 

“Yah, Jungkook,” Seokjin growled. “I already said no! I don’t want snacks, I don’t need anything to drink, and I have everything I need in here. Just leave me alone already!”

The door swung open violently and an irritated Seokjin stopped mid-rant to gawk.

“Y/N-ah,” Seokjin sputtered nervously. “I am sorry for yelling, I thought you were someone else. While I’m at it, I should probably apologize for more than that. Please forgive me for behaving so stupidly and putting you in danger and endangering Namjoon’s therapy and-”

“Seokjin!” Y/N raised her voice, stopping Seokijin’s rambling. “Please calm down, I’m not here for your apologies. I’m here to talk to you. Can I please come in?”

Seokjin nodded and quickly scrambled to tidy his room. In his boredom, he’d thrown things around the room and tried to reorganize his closet. He was still midway through the reorganization, so the room was a little chaotic. After piling some clothes on the bed, Seokjin cleared the futon and offered Y/N a seat while he rearranged the pillows and plushies between them. 

Y/N eyed the plushy border of stuffed alpacas in between her and Seokjin and she smiled warmly at him. Seokjin found it incredibly difficult to meet her probing gaze. 

“Jin, lindo,” Y/N began softly. “I’m not mad at you. There is no need to build an RJ barrier between us. We just need to talk about some things.”

Seokjin lifted a rather large RJ stuffie and hugged it to his chest in a futile attempt to quiet his racing heart. His lips were drawn into a small pout and he still couldn’t look Y/N in the eye. Y/N pushed the plushies aside and moved closer to Seokjin, placing a hand on his knee and squeezing softly. 

“Hey, it’s ok to be upset,” Y/N assured him. “It just shows that you know that what you did was wrong. I put these restrictions on everyone for Namjoon’s safety and your own. This therapy is very delicate work, and it’s very important that we all take this seriously.”

“I know, princesa,” Seokjin murmured sadly. “I promise I wasn’t trying to undermine your authority or ruin the therapy preparations. I just didn’t read the warnings very well. I was angry when you first got here and I treated you horribly and I’m so sorry for that.”

“I appreciate that, Jinnie,” Y/N continued. “But all choices have consequences, and it’s time to face yours.”

Seokjin nodded and took a deep breath to shake off the shuddering anxiety crawling across his shoulder blades. He took both of Y/N’s hands and brought them to his lips to press gentle kisses across her knuckles. Once he was ready to face her, lifted his face to meet her gentle gaze. 

“I am ready to accept my punishment,” Seokjin proclaimed. “Whatever it may be.”

“Well, it’s not exactly a punishment that you need,” Y/N explained. “I discussed the matter with Bang and he suggested that you and I schedule some one on one therapy sessions to work on your impulse control. They will be a little intense, but it will help you gain a little self-control in the long run.”

“I can do that,” Seokjin agreed. “Am I still grounded?”

“No, you’re fine to roam about as you please,” Y/N giggled. “Bang told me about what happened with Namjoon, so we’re going to be lenient on you. However, you are going to be the point person when it comes to Namjoon’s reintegration into the dormitory. Since the two of you are already communicating and you will be sharing a bathroom, it seems only logical that you assist Namjoon once he arrives. I will also require your assistance for Namjoon’s first therapy session.”

“What?!” Seokjin croaked. “You want me there, like in the room with the two of you?”

“Yes, of course,” Y/N confirmed. “Namjoon and I will need a mediator to make sure the procedure sticks. You are the connection between us. I will need your help to acclimate Namjoon to the therapy sessions.”

Seokjin’s jaw refused to close as he went over the visuals of Y/N’s proposal in his head. Seokjin and his brothers dabbled in their own avenues of sexual exploration, but it was rare for them to engage in activities together. Sure, they swapped stories, but they weren’t in the habit of sharing the same space at the same time. Y/N’s appearance in their lives certainly turned that around quickly. 

I’m sure the maknae got up to some mischief while we were out last night. That look on Jungkook’s face earlier told me everything I needed to know. What has this little minx done to us? 

After shaking the last ounce of shock creeping across his perfect features, Seokjin gulped loudly and looked back at Y/N, who was giving him absolutely no clue about how she was feeling about the concept of the three of them together.

Can she even sync with two people at once?

Rather than question her methods, Seokjin took a deep breath and nodded his head in her direction. Y/N smiled at his compliance and squeezed his hand briefly to soothe his nerves. 

“Thank you for agreeing to those terms, Jinnie,” Y/N praised him. “It really will be easier to help Namjoon if you’re there to help us. Just please promise me that you will follow all of my instructions exactly. Transactions get a little tricky when more than one person is involved. I will need to take special precautions so that only one of you is participating in a transaction at a time.”

“Sure,” Seokjin agreed. “I will do whatever you need me to do, I promise.”

“Good,” Y/N grinned. “Your impulse control training will definitely come in handy when that time comes, so prepare yourself for that. I still have some things to fix in my system before I start any more transactions, so let’s aim for tomorrow evening for your first session, ok?”

“That sounds fine,” Seokjin nodded. “But are you sure you’ll be ok by then? I heard about what happened to you while I was gone. Will you be able to fix whatever went wrong?”

“Don’t you worry, Jin-lindo,” Y/N replied while squeezing one of Seokjin’s cheeks. “I will be fully operational by tomorrow morning. I just have to make some adjustments and allow the system to update overnight. Everything will be fine, I promise.”

Seokjin’s eyes misted over and he pulled Y/N in for a hug, burrowing his nose into her hair and releasing a shaky exhale. 

“That’s good to hear,” Seokjin responded. “I felt terrible when the guys told me what happened. It never occurred to me that I would be putting you in danger by leaving. I should have been here to take care of you, mi corazon.”

Y/N rubbed Seokjin’s back while he sniffled lightly against her temple. Once it seemed like he was calm, Y/N reached up and took his face into her hands, reaching up with her thumbs to wipe away a few stray tears. 

“You’re here now and that’s all that matters,” Y/N assured him. “For now, just focus on what you need to do before Namjoon gets here.”

“Speaking of which,” Seokjin grinned while pulling away. “How about we send Namjoon-ah a selca of you and I together? He has been asking a lot of questions about you. It would be nice to share a picture of you before he arrives.”

“I think that will be ok,” Y/N agreed. “Maybe tomorrow, we can schedule a video call with him before we start your therapy? Just so I can introduce myself.”

“Absolutely,” Seokjin exclaimed. “You’ll love Namjoonie, he really is the best.”

Seokjin maneuvered Y/N against his chest and pulled an RJ headband onto her head. The shameless action prompted Y/N to grin and shake her head, which gave Seokjin the perfect opportunity to snap a selfie of them. Seokjin was making a ridiculous face behind Y/N. Jin could only hope it would make Namjoon smile.

“Ok, fine, you can send that one,” Y/N decided. “But only if you send a good pic of us as well. Namjoon needs to see my actual face, not this silly one.”

“Yah, fine,” Seokjin chuckled. “Go ahead, get yourself all fixed up for the camera, princesa.”

Y/N took off the RJ headband and fluffed out her hair a bit so that it felt more presentable. Snuggling back against Seokjin’s chest, she leaned her head against his chin and smiled.

“Ok, Jinnie,” Y/N announced. “Whenever you’re ready.”

The resulting photo had his heart fluttering and his lips curling into a soft smile. He wrapped his arms around Y/N and kissed her cheek. 

“We look good together,” Seokjin commented aloud. “Look at that gorgeous smile.”

“Awww,” Y/N smiled. “Thank you, Jin-Jin. You look quite handsome as well.”

“I know,” Seokjin smirked. “That’s who I was talking about.”

Y/N’s smile fell dramatically and she stood up in a huff, but Seokjin pulled her back onto his lap before she could escape. 

“I’m kidding, Y/N-ah,” Seokjin chuckled. “You look radiant, mi corazon. Almost good enough to eat.”

“Almost?” Y/N huffed. “Gee, thanks. I could do with some teeth marks”

“Well, I’m not in the habit of eating my meals while they’re still wrapped,” Seokjin said before planting a kiss on Y/N’s exposed neck. “But just say the word, mi corazon, and I will start unwrapping.”

Y/N shivered as Seokjin suckled at the skin just below her ear, his fingers toying with the edge of her shirt. Y/N allowed herself a few seconds of reckless passion and then shook the temptation away, remembering her responsibilities. 

“As amazing as that sounds, Jinnie, I can’t right now,” Y/N whined. “There are still repairs to be done today, and I’m still recovering. Let’s put this on hold until tomorrow, yeah?”

“Of course, mi corazon,” Seokjin purred. “Anything for you.”

Seokjin tugged at her earlobe playfully before planting one more kiss on her cheek and patting her thighs in response. Y/N sagged into Seokjin’s grasp and sighed out in frustration. 

I just got them into the swing of these therapy sessions and now, I’m keeping them all at bay. I’m probably giving the poor guys whiplash. 

“Don’t you worry, princesa,” Seokjin reassured her. “Take care of whatever you need to do first. Your health is more important than my desire for you. Besides, I will have plenty of time to spend with you now that I have those extra therapy sessions.”

“Yeah, you will,” Y/N smirked before standing up and stretching. “Speaking of which, I need to go prepare everything for tonight’s repair session. Feel free to go out into the common areas and hang out. Yoongi and Hoseok left to meet with Bang PD, but the maknae should be around.”

Seokjin hopped up and wrapped his arms around Y/N’s waist and lifted her off the ground a few inches before setting her feet back down. 

“Thank you for my freedom, mi corazon,” Seokjin mused. “I feel like a new man. Speaking of which, do you know what prisoners use to call each other?”

“No,” Y/N said. “What?”

“Cell phones,” Seokjin cackled while waving his phone in front of her. “Oh, man, I need to send that one to Namjoon-ah.”

Seokjin quickly typed out a message to Namjoon and also sent over the selfies of himself and Y/N. As he typed, Y/N took a moment to enjoy the boyish glee spreading across his face. 

I know that youthful glow is just for show, but sometimes, he needs to be reminded that he’s an adult. 

“Jinnie, please remember to be careful,” Y/N reminded him. “Bang and I are allowing you to stay in contact with Namjoon, but the others don’t know about that. It needs to stay a secret, at least until Namjoon successfully transitions over to life in the dormitory. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I promise I will be careful,” Seokjin nodded. “Not just for Namjoon, but also for you. I don’t want to disappoint you again.”

Y/N booped Seokjin on the nose and stepped up to press a chaste kiss on his pouty lips. She pulled his hand toward the door and he gladly followed. He walked her all the way to her door, trying his best to make up for his previous indiscretion. Once he wandered into the kitchen, he leaned on the counter and took a deep breath and smiled. The kitchen was clean, he was free of his prison, and he was in the mood to cook. 

DING!

Another smile bloomed on Seokjin’s face as another message from Namjoon popped up on his phone. He opened his messages, but he didn’t get to read them because Jungkook stepped into the living room looking freshly showered. 

“HYUNG!” Jungkook screeched. “Did they let you out? Are you finally free?!”

Seokjin skillfully slipped his phone into his pocket and struck a power pose for Jungkook before losing his composure and giggling. 

“That’s right, Jungkookie,” Seokjin announced. “Your favorite big brother is back and here to stay. Did you miss me?”

“Eh, not really,” Jungkook deadpanned. “I didn’t really notice a difference.”

Seokjin’s ears flooded crimson and he started berating his youngest brother while throwing pillows at him in retaliation. Jungkook effortlessly caught the pillows and tossed them back onto the couches. 

“Jin-hyung, chill,” Jungkook giggled. “You want to play video games with me until Taehyung and Jimin get back from their showers? We wanted to clean up after we cleaned the kitchen. Aren’t you proud of us? We left everything just the way you like it.”

Seokjin’s fiery temper faded and he gave an appreciative look at the spotless kitchen. He had to admit that seeing the love and care that his brothers put into something he loves made his heart sing with pride. 

I taught them so well. 

“You know what, Jungkook-ah,” Seokjin sighed. “I would love to play video games with you. I was going to cook something, but it looks too nice to mess up right now. Thank you for taking such good care of my kitchen.”

“Of course, Jin-hyung,” Jungkook grinned proudly. “I learned from the best.”

Seokjin waited for another sarcastic jab at his ego, but Jungkook’s bunny smile was genuine. For a brief moment, all of the shadowy sadness he felt earlier dissipated. Seokjin stepped forward and pulled Jungkook into a quick hug and gestured toward the living room. After choosing yet another game from Y/N’s massive collection, the two of them sat down together on the couch and exchanged fiendish grins. 

“Prepare to get your ass handed to you, Jungkookie,” Seokjin threatened. “Let your hyung show you how it’s done.”

“Whatever you say, hyung,” Jungkook grinned. “Whatever you say.”

The opening video game theme blared through the speakers, and the two opponents settled in for an epic battle. Down the hall, behind closed doors, a different battle was raging between another set of opponents. 

—--------------------

“No more, Minnie,” Taehyung wheezed. “I don’t think I can go again.”

Jimin collapsed onto the bed beside Taehyung and giggled as the dopamine flooded his brain. They tried to shower separately, but Jimin became impatient when Taehyung was taking too long in their shared bathroom. An interrupted shower evolved into another steamy lovemaking session that ended with them ruining their fresh sheets once again. 

“Wow, Taehyungie,” Jimin breathed out with a smile. “I don’t think I will ever get enough of you. I literally get hard just thinking about you. Your hands, your hair, your chest, your ass, your lips, I just want to touch all of it all the time. I think you’re my new addiction.”

“Oh yeah?” Taehyung huffed out a laugh. “What was the last one?”

“Getting tattoos with Jungkookie,” Jimin informed him. “I still love it, but not nearly as much as he does.”

Silence settled over the room as the scent of arousal and pleasure evaporated just as quickly. Taehyung’s brain booted up once again with the same error message from before.

SYSTEM ERROR. RELATIONSHIP DOES NOT COMPUTE. PLEASE DEFINE NEW PARAMETERS. 

“So,” Jimin sighed airily. “Now what? I’d say let’s take another shower, but we both saw how that ended last time.”

Jimin’s giggles prickled unpleasantly under Taehyung’s skin and he shifted uneasily on the bed. Things between him and Jimin were progressing without abandon and there was a growing fear that he’d done something wrong. 

This happened too fast, right? I should have waited until I knew we were both ready. I don’t know if I can do this anymore. What’s going to happen to me and Jimin? I can’t lose my soulmate and my best friend? What am I supposed to do now?

As the panic flooded his veins, Taehyung’s shallow breaths were causing slight vibrations on the mattress. Jimin wrongly assumed that Taehyung was giggling with him, so he was clueless that anything might be amiss. 

“I’m going to fill the bathtub,” Jimin offered. “I think a nice hot bath will be just the thing we need. What do you think, Tae-Tae?”

Taehyung could only close his eyes and nod slightly, but that was enough of a response for Jimin. He slid off the ruined bed and made his way into the bathroom. As soon as the sound of running water filtered into the bedroom, Taehyung snapped. 

He crawled off the bed and threw on a pair of loose pants and a crumpled t-shirt before seeking out his pair of slides from under the bed. Taehyung could hear Jimin humming some unknown tune while pulling bath supplies out of the cabinets. 

“Tae, which bath bomb do you think we should use?” Jimin called out from the bathroom. “I have this avocado one and I also have this cute little astronaut.”

With his anxiety spiking dangerously, Taehyung backed away to the door and quietly slipped out into the hallway. He needed to find a place to hide so he could get his anxiety under control. He could hear Jungkook and Seokjin yelling at each other over the sounds of a video game in the living room. His only other option was to seek refuge in Y/N’s room at the end of the hall. 

Shit! I forgot my phone. 

Taehyung took a few moments to contemplate whether his phone was worth going back into the room for but ultimately decided against it. 

Too risky, gotta hide!

He expeditiously crept down the hallway to Y/N’s room and knocked softly. He kept his eyes on his own bedroom door down the hall just in case Jimin decided to come out looking for him. Fortunately, Y/N came to his rescue and opened her door. 

“Oh, hi, Tae,” Y/N chirped cheerily. “What’s up, buttercup?”

“Can I hide in your room for a while?” Taehyung blurted out hastily. “I’m having some issues with Jimin and I need a place to think.” 

Y/N blinked at Taehyung in confusion and then stepped aside to usher him into her room. Taehyung made a beeline for the vanity chair and slumped into the plush cushions with his head in his hands. He was on the verge of a panic attack and Y/N could clearly see the signs of anxiety floating on the surface. He was pulling at his hair, practically hyperventilating, and fidgeting nervously as he tried to calm himself down. Y/N stepped forward and tried to figure out how she could help. 

“Tae?” Y/N asked softly. “What’s going on, sweetheart? Talk to me.”

She didn’t want to touch him right away, even if she was just trying to comfort him through his distress. Y/N hovered over Taehyung’s crumpled form and spoke to him in soft, soothing tones. 

“I don’t know what happened,” Y/N continued. “But right now, I just want you to focus on your breathing, ok, Tae? Is it ok if I touch you, sweetheart?”

Taehyung nodded violently and tried to pull air into his lungs, although his inhales were shaky and stuttering. Y/N’s hand gently soothed his back with small comforting circles and soft massaging touches along his shoulders. Taehyung’s breathing eventually slowed and his body lost the urge to combust. Once he felt like he had a better grip on his body, he sat up and turned his weary gaze to Y/N. 

Y/N’s heart broke at the sight of Taehyung’s tear stained cheeks and red-rimmed eyes. She wanted to banish whatever was troubling this precious man and make sure he didn’t have another panic induced episode on her watch. Y/N took Taehyung’s face in her palms and pressed her forehead against his with a sigh. Taehyung whined softly as he felt Y/N’s forehead move away, but it morphed into a whimper when he felt Y/N’s lips press against his furrowed brow. 

“OK, that’s better, isn’t it, honey?” Y/N cooed. “Wanna talk about it? You know I’m always here for you.”

Taehyung lifted his tear-filled eyes to meet Y/N’s concerned face and the wells of his distress bubbled over and began streaking down his cheeks. He tried to speak, but the only noise escaping from his trembling lips were hiccups. 

Knock, Knock, Knock

“Noona,” called Jimin from the other side of the door. “Is Tae in there? I can’t find him.”

Taehyung’s pupils dilated in fear and he started backing away from the door frantically, pulling away from the comfort of Y/N’s hands in the process. Y/N stood up and looked at the door before gesturing to Taehyung to hide in her bathroom. He nodded once and disappeared into the darkened en suite while Y/N walked over to her bedroom door to speak with Jimin. 

Whatever this is, it has to be about Jimin. Poor Tae. 

Y/N answered the door and found Jimin’s half naked form on the other side.  Dressed only in a pair of grey sweatpants, Jimin looked incredibly worried as his eyes quickly scanned the room in search of Taehyung. 

“Hi, Noona, “ chirped Jimin. “Have you seen Taehyung? We were going to shower, but he disappeared.”

“We, huh?” Y/N quirked. “Trying to save water now, Jiminie?”

“Kinda,” Jimin chuckled. “We were, uh, having fun? You know, like we were last night? Anyway, we really needed a shower and he just dipped out without saying anything to me. I’m worried about him.”

“I see,” Y/N nodded. “Well, I can tell you that, yes, he is in here, but I don’t think he’s in the mood to talk to you right now.”

“What? Why?” Jimin exclaimed. “Did I do something wrong? Tae!”

Y/N prevented Jimin from rushing into her room and gave him a stern look. Jimin’s elevated concern dimmed and he lowered his head in submission. Jimin’s eyes misted over as he wistfully looked over Y/N’s shoulder, his eyes searching for his soulmate.

“I fucked this up already, didn’t I?” Jimin murmured sadly. “He kept asking to talk and I just kept seducing him. Is he mad at me?

“I’m not sure, Minnie,” Y/N sighed. “He hasn’t said much, but I can tell he’s going to need a little time, ok? I promise that I will sit down with both of you to talk this out as soon as he’s ready. Until then, I think it’s best if he stays here so I can help him.”

“I didn’t mean to upset him, Noona,” Jimin whined. “I would never intentionally hurt him. You have to believe me. I was just enjoying our time together so much, I didn’t want it to end. Please tell Tae that I’m sorry. I promise to do whatever he needs me to do to make this right.”

Y/N could hear the desperation mounting in Jimin’s words and she stepped forward to wrap her arms around him. His whole body shivered and he began trembling uncontrollably. Short, clipped inhales filled Y/N’s ears and she started rubbing his back to soothe the quakes rumbling through his delicate frame. 

“What did I do wrong, Noona?” Jimin whimpered. “I promised him everything was going to be ok, and it feels like I broke that promise already. What am I supposed to do?”

Jimin’s whimpers devolved into sobs and Y/N could tell this whole situation was going to be one big hot mess. She sighed and gave Jimin a hearty squeeze before pulling back and wiping the tears from his cheeks. Jimin’s eyes were already puffy and red, and his lips were trembling vigorously. 

Oh, Jimin. 

“Minnie, sweetheart, it’s going to be ok,” Y/N assured him. “Let me walk you back to your room. You should finish taking your shower and then maybe take a little nap. I will talk to Taehyung and see if I can get him talking again, yeah? Once he’s ready, we’ll come over to your room and have a nice little group session, ok?”

Jimin’s precious fingers curled around Y/N’s shirt and he stood up a little taller and nodded slightly. Y/N maneuvered him away from her door and down the hall with very little resistance. Whatever was currently plaguing his thoughts was keeping him distracted enough to be manhandled. When they reached his bedroom door, Y/N pulled Jimin’s forehead down for a kiss and then she caressed his flushed cheeks.

“We’ll see you in a bit, ok?” Y/N reminded him. “Don’t worry, Jiminie. We will figure out a way to fix this. I promise.”

“Pinky promise?” Jimin asked cutely, offering his little pinky to her. 

Y/N smiled and linked her pinky around Jimin’s. They were the same size. 

“Pinky promise,” Y/N grinned. “Now, go take your shower. I will text you before we come over, ok?”

Jimin smiled sadly and nodded at her words before slipping into his bedroom. Y/N sighed out and then quickly made her way back to her bedroom, locking the door behind her. When she entered the dark bathroom, she couldn’t make out Taehyung’s form among any of the familiar shadows. 

“Tae?” Y/N called out. “Are you still in here?”

A soft whine echoed from inside the bathroom and Y/N could just barely distinguish a subtle lump undulating in the bathtub. She walked over and found Taehyung curled into a ball in the empty soaking tub. He’d pulled her bathrobe and a towel on top of himself in an attempt to hide from Jimin should he come looking for him. Y/N threw down another towel onto the floor and kneeled beside the bathtub. As she leaned over his huddled form, she noticed that Taehyung was shivering and sniffling with a few hiccups interrupting his shaky breaths. She waited a few moments for Taehyung to show his face, but he remained hidden in fear. 

“It’s ok, Tae-Tae,” Y/N soothed. “Go ahead and let it out. I will be right here when you’re ready.”

They remained in darkness as Y/N began humming a tune softly. Her soft voice floated in the space between them as Taehyung allowed his body to process the sudden panic attack. Taehyung’s mind latched onto the melody Y/N hummed and he focused on a good counter melody. He needed to think of something innocuous in order to get his brain back in good working order. As his musical synapses came back online, Taehyung felt his body inching away from despair bit by bit. He just needed to concentrate on Y/N’s voice. 

Everything’s going to be ok. Y/N will be able to help me. If she can’t, then who?

The atmosphere within the bathroom grew lighter with each passing moment, and the world beyond Y/N’s door waited, albeit impatiently, for them to emerge.

Author's Note: I just realized how much time has passed since I last updated. I honestly don't even know if anyone is still reading this. A bucketful of thanks to my Goguma @xxxille-girlxxx for always being my little emo cheerleader and to my Marshmallow Cream Puff @li-main for encouragement and reassurance. I will try my best to continue this story, if not for myself, then for the invisible audience that I believe still exists somewhere in Tumblrland.

PREVIOUS CHAPTER - NEXT CHAPTER

PERIPHERAL MASTERLIST

CAUGHT-IN-A-SEESAW-STIGMA'S MASTERLIST