#in SOME respects they're very well crafted. this does not in any way mean it was impossible for anything about them to have been done better

[anghraine]

Today's unhinged "good God I hate how much extreme generosity I'm expected to extend to the Peter Jackson films by people who make wildly bad faith arguments about things I like" rant:

I am very deeply tired of people insisting with zero evidence that of course the LOTR films are imperfect, but the difficulties of adapting LOTR are such that it wasn't possible for them to be better than they were—in, apparently, any respect. They just couldn't be done better, at all, because it was so hard to make something watchable at all.

This is always just like ... really? Really?? Just what prevented them from making better decisions about anything? What exactly made casting every actor of color as barely differentiated villainous hordes in the twenty-first century so necessary and unavoidable? The glamorization and vast expansions of battle scenes and insertion of "heroic" war crimes was the highest film as a medium could aspire to in the early 2000s because of what insuperable force?

What made it impossible to give Arwen a coherent character arc? The films could not have been made without the underlying assumption that most of the cast are NPCs who will only do the right thing, when they will, if prodded or manipulated or influenced by main characters? In what way is this an inevitability of adaptation or film that simply couldn't have been conceptualized differently, much less better?

There is zero explanation or justification for why any of this stuff (or the myriad other flaws) had to be that way and couldn't have been done better in any way at any point. It's just stated that the films that exist must be the best films that could have existed because they're the ones that do exist and are popular. QED.

That doesn't make any sense, though, and it doesn't convince anyone who doesn't already agree. The idea that they could not have been better in any way (including their worst quality, which again, is the extremely racist casting), that some force was preventing not only the actual filmmakers but any filmmakers that could possibly exist from doing anything better just seems patently absurd.

You can like them and respect what they did achieve without demanding that everyone buy into a baseless and irrational argument that their pop culture success means nothing about them could possibly have been done any better. Look, I was in my mid to late teens at the time. I remember the early 2000s quite well. It wasn't now, but we are not talking about an age so divorced from our own that any of these things were somehow fundamental to the media landscape.

There are ways in which the LOTR films were very good that were essential to their popularity then and now. This does not require anyone to accept that it was literally impossible for them to be better than they are or that some defense is required against every criticism of them ever.

I am not, incidentally, talking about removing Bombadil, an entirely understandable and defensible decision that the film defenders in my notes somehow always feel the need to bring up. I know that changes had to be made, that adaptation is not a word for word transcription, that it would always be a difficult text to adapt, that structurally minor elements had to go, that they are cinematically beautiful films that a lot of work and love went into. I know this. EVERYONE knows this, because for the last 20 years it's been impossible to criticize anything about them without being reminded. Their accomplishments, and their existence, do not mean that any choice made by the filmmakers must definitionally have been the right call and could not possibly have been better in any way.

[jacebeleren]

It bothers me so much that the only transfem rep in mtg cards is this like. Soldier military woman, like 'ooh look at this guy's we made a trans woman who's a part of a war machine' fantastic thank you magic very original

=========

Okay.

First of all, there is no "our" interpretation of the text. My thoughts are my own, and your thoughts are your own. Some of our thoughts might align, but I will not allow you to speak for me.

Second, I am sorry you feel so disappointed in the current state of transgender representation in Magic. I understand your concerns and I think they're valid concerns.

Third, your concerns being valid does not mean I agree with what you have to say, though. Don't come into my inbox complaining unless you're ready for me to honestly respond. Respectfully, your approach to these concerns makes it clear to me that you don't actually understand what you're talking about.

It's apparent that you follow me or have at least seen many of my posts. You appear to respect my opinions / analysis (at least regarding Jace and Tezzeret). So listen to me when I say this:

What constitutes 'good' representation is context-dependent, and it's not something you alone get to decide.

Yes, Alesha is a "soldier military woman", as you said. I understand that you have this complaint because you believe this makes Alesha an example of the stereotype that trans women are violent. But context matters. What you're failing to consider is the fact that she comes from the Mardu Horde, a faction on Tarkir inspired by the Mongol hordes of real-world history. In this context, Alesha isn't presented as violent because she's a trans woman. She's violent because she literally comes from a warrior clan based on one of the greatest military forces in human history. And honestly, with Magic being a combat-centric game, she's not any more violent than any non-Mardu Legends, either.

Do you seriously think a story about a trans woman fighting to proudly declare her trans identity in her culture and later becoming the accomplished and well-respected leader of her clan is bad representation? Does the fact that she's a warrior really outweigh the rest of the lovingly crafted trans narrative they created for her, to you?

It's fine if you feel that way. You don't have to like Alesha or her story. But just because something wasn't made for your taste doesn't mean it's bad writing / bad representation.

Anyway, I highly recommend you read Alesha's story, "The Truth of Names", since it seems like you haven't read it yet. It's a fantastic story-- the most beloved short story in all of Magic, actually. It was the most-read article on the entire Magic website for like 5 years, according to WOTC.

And if you're interested in learning more about transfem characters in Magic who aren't Alesha, I recommend you read about Xantcha, who first appears in the novel "Planeswalker".

Next, I need to make things clear about Ashiok.

Ashiok was never intended to be nonbinary representation. Ashiok was created to be a mysterious, unknowable villain. What makes Ashiok special is that we are not mean to know anything about Ashiok. We do not know Ashiok's species or plane of origin, for example. Another part of that element of mystery is not knowing Ashiok's gender, or how Ashiok identifies. Ashiok's original style guide from Theros explicitly instructs people to not use any pronouns for Ashiok at all (which I still follow because old habits are hard to break.) Official Magic sources did not begin to use they/them pronouns for Ashiok until 2022, in the story "A Garden of Flesh" (another excellent story, BTW.) And they only started using they/them for Ashiok because it is really hard to write a story where the character is mentioned that many times without pronouns.

All this to say: Ashiok as intentional nonbinary representation is certainly not the narrative WOTC is pushing.

Yes, there are many fans of Ashiok who interpret Ashiok as nonbinary, but those are their thoughts and you need not concern yourself with that, if it bothers you so.

As for Niko, it's weird that you say they're "non-existent" in Magic story when 2 of the 5 side stories ("Know Which Way the Wind is Blowing" and "Aim Through the Target") in their debut set Kaldheim were entirely focused on Niko. They're also a starring main character in 15 of the 25 issues of the BOOM! Studios Magic comics.

I'm glad you like my analysis of Jace and Tezzeret as transgender characters. Thank you for that, genuinely. But I want you to understand that the reason I have these interpretations is because I love Magic Story. And more importantly, I actually read it. I love Magic Story, and I have so much respect for the Magic Narrative team and the work they do.

What most people don't understand is that the Magic Narrative Team is in fact very careful and very loving in their approach to queer representation. You may not know this about me, but I'm friends with A LOT of people who formerly or currently work on Magic / Magic Story. Knowing these people personally, I know for a fact that the Magic creative Team does not create queer characters for "diversity points". They're not just checking boxes. The Magic creative team creates queer characters because the Magic creative team is full of queer people and allies who want to tell stories that reflect their own + fans' experiences. And they have to constantly fight to include more / better queer representation in Magic. They want good queer representation in Magic just as much as we do.

Am I going to defend everything they do? No! Are they perfect? No! They are just people. They make mistakes and they have blind spots. For example, in my essay about my analysis of Jace as a trans man, I explain that the reason my interpretation means so much to me is because there is currently zero meaningful representation for trans men in Magic canon. There are zero transgender male characters in Magic canon who have names. That's a HUGE blind spot considering the number of canon trans characters! That's something that disappoints and upsets me.

I'm not afraid to criticize Magic Story, and I do so very often. But I am critical of Magic story because I love it. My criticism does not equal hatred or unhappiness.

Sorry to hear that their efforts at including better trans representation in Magic would piss you off. I'm sorry that you've given up.

Lastly, I think Liliana is cis, but that's just my headcanon.

[triviareads]

ARC Review of Triple Sec by TJ Alexander

Rating: 4.5/5 Heat Level: 4/5 Publication Date: June 4th

Premise:

A queer, polyamorous romance; Mel is a bartender at one of New York's top cocktail bars. She has an instant connection with Bebe, one of her customers who is also married to Kade. She's surprised when Bebe asks her out on a date, but slowly falls for not only Bebe, but Kade.

My review:

This book was tender, sexy, and more than anything, it felt so real to me. All three main characters are Grown Adults in their thirties who have their respective pasts, failed relationships, and hang-ups— and reading them connect and fall in love was such a joy. I think with the rise of terms like "harem romance" or "reverse harems" (both of which I take issue with; "harem" has a specific cultural connotation that I feel the romance community has misappropriated) and "why choose" romances, some romance readers have somewhat misguided expectations for what *all* poly romances should be like (and some literally aren't calling it what it is, polyamorous) , and this book did a lovely job of portraying one polycule and all the dynamics within it.

Mel and Bebe have an instant connection from the moment they meet at Mel's bar. The attraction is SIZZLING and Bebe is so classy (!!) in the way she hits on Mel, I was like, genuinely shook. I'm glad Mel isn't automatically outraged that a married woman is flirting with her, and she doesn't jump to any conclusions (though she does hypothesize into the void with another queer friend in an open relationship). Ultimately, Bebe and Kade tell Mel pretty early on that they're poly, and that Bebe would like to see Mel.

Enter their relationship contract that outlines how Mel, Bebe, and Kade interact. I thought it was really cute the way the contract was formatted in the book, so every time the rules of their relationship change, the old parts are crossed out and the new parts are added in.

And the rules do change, to be clear. There are three parts in this book and each part focuses on a different facet of the relationship with them ultimately deciding they would all like to be together (as opposed to Bebe, and then both Kade and Bebe seeing Mel individually). Kade and Mel's relationship is initially tinged with a lot of foot-in-the-mouth moments. The good thing about the contract is, it provides boundaries but they're just super awkward with one another until they have the opportunity to bond without Bebe, and all bets are off. And honestly, Kade has my heart— they're deadpan and somewhat blunt but as you get to know them better along with Mel (this is a single-person POV book— do I think it would have benefitted from all 3 POVs? Maybe, but I don't feel like I missed any important context), you see they're an absolute sweetheart— an artist who feels deeply but keeps that side hidden. There are a couple instances where Kade is misgendered and we see the misconceptions people harbor about non-binary people, and I thought it was interesting to read not only how they, but also their love interest (Mel) deals with it.

I realize I haven't talked a lot about the actual plot— the cocktail making competition and Mel's job at the bar— but I thought both were written with so much love for the craft and respect for service workers.

The sex:

Super hot, super well-written. It's always fun to read the individual and group dynamics because they're so unique. Bebe is an out-and-proud pillow princess, and I kinda love that she was able to coax out a "mean", more selfish side of Mel, who is usually more of a giver in real life. Kade is a service top and this book answers the question what happened when a top and a service top get together— the answer does involve cum-eating. Also, the last sex scene in the book? Fabulous. Excellent. There are strap-ons. There's face-sitting. I have no notes.

Overall:

I really enjoyed this book! @tjalexandernyc wrote a banger, and the payoff of seeing three very different individuals connect, fall in love and make space for each other is absolutely worth it, and I'd recommend this to any romance reader.

This ARC was provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

[heretherebedork]

So since we’ve established wedding impossible sucks and treats the most vulnerable characters terribly, what are some recent shows where you feel the opposite? Shows that you think treated the characters with the dignity and care they deserved? Personally I think love for love’s sake did an amazing job. I didn’t really have any expectations going into it but I was blown away by how amazingly it the narrative was crafted. I think the storytelling was incredible and really hit all the right emotional beats. I also binged let’s talk about chu this weekend and haven’t stopped thinking about it. I honestly actually enjoyed everyone in the show and was invested in everyone’s stories, but I especially loved the BL plot. It felt so well handled and mature and I loved how the ending was clear that despite Yueh going to jail, the show explicitly showed that Yusen and him seem determined to make their relationship work. It felt like a really lovely full circle moment for each character and their relationship. I didn’t go into that one with any expectations either and was also very satisfied with the show.

I mean, Love for Love's sake did a fantastic job of handling grief and depression and what it means to find the way to love yourself and I loved that, how loving yourself was a strength and needed and how much loving other people could help you learn to love yourself and how much love was healing. Absolutely A+.

Let's Talk About Chu was good and the relationship work was good as well but I can't say it was my favorite in those terms because I never got the depth I wanted into the formation of their relationship but it did show how much they're willing to work for this relationship. It was good, though.

I didn't love Cooking Crush overall but they did handle the parental issues with respect and honored that sometimes relationships change and grow even without fixing everything. I had plenty of problems with the show but that was not of them.

What Did You Eat Yesterday? is an amazing exploration of an adult couple and of people coming to terms with their own sexuality and growing together and becoming better people because of their love and what it means to keep growing even after you're an adult. It's truly great and mature.

La Pluie is imperfect but is also an amazing exploration of what it means when you try to rely on fate but also what it means when you are so focused on fate that you need to deny it entirely or when you try to let little things guide you rather than looking at the bigger picture and it really does treat all of those ideas beautifully. Not quite the same but similar.

Not a BL but Oh No! Here Comes Trouble is a beautiful and poignant and amazing story about living and grief and moving past without ever forgetting but finding ways to forgive yourself for choices that accidentally hurt the people you loved and about growing past grief and it's just beautiful.

That's the short list, at least for me, of shows that are at least a bit more recent and really do get into more and deeper issues.

I mean, there's also The Eighth Sense but that's not super recent just really, really good and delves into trauma and pain and loss and grief and depression and what happens as you begin to heal and grow.

[misslavenderlady]

Hello!! First off I just wanna say that I adore your blog! Especially your Daddy Dwayne stuff 🥰 (we all are weak for Daddy Dwayne). So I was wondering, what do you think Marko would be like as a dad? I've seen stuff about Dwayne and Paul but never Marko and now I'm truly curious lol.

Thank you love!

This is my first ask I've gotten, and getting it from someone whose writing I admire so much is a real honor. So thank you! 🥺💕

I'd love to share my thoughts! I hope this is well received and I'd love to give more of my HCs for the boys in the future!

Marko as a dad 💚

Everyone kind of underestimates Marko's potential as a parent. He's often seen as the wild, unpredictable one, so when the idea of him having kids comes up, there's a sense of doubt.

But to everyone's surprise, the best qualities in Marko shine through when he learns he's going to be a father. He's always been so loyal, doting and ready to be there for his friends, and he'd do the same for his child in a heartbeat. And that also applies to the situation BEFORE they're born.

Anything his partner needs or wants, they'll get with no questions asks. Have a very specific food craving? He'll have it ready in mere minutes. Can't get comfortable? He'll make the coziest nest you've ever seen. Need some supplies for the baby? He's got bags and bags of food, clothes, diapers, and anything else you need. Just don't expect him to actually buy the stuff. He's still a little thief at heart.

When his child is born, he's immediately in love. Like he would 1000% walk into the sunlight for his kid, even if they're only a few minutes old. He soothes them so sweetly and promises to keep them safe.

While it's very sweet, he's also a bit territorial with his child. Even with his own friends he's hesitant to let them hold the baby. After his fears are settled, Marko will let the others have turns spending time with the little one.

Only family and friends are allowed near his kid. If Marko doesn't like you, you're NOT getting near them.

The others tease that he's more of a guard dog than a dad. But with time and trust, Marko learns not to hover so much.

Despite being protective, he's definitely a fun dad!! He's the kind of parent that thinks kids should enjoy playing in the dirt, going on adventures and taking some risks.

He's also quite creative, so if his kid likes coloring books or arts and crafts, he's right by their side, making something special together.

Is definitely the parent that saves every single piece of art their kids make in school. Does he need to hold onto every stick figure drawing his child makes? No. Is he gonna do it anyway? YES.

If his kid is into sports, he's their biggest fan. Since they're vampires, his kid only plays during nighttime. No matter what it is, he's on the sidelines, cheering the loudest!

Is big on teaching his child to care for animals. He shows off his pet pigeons to them and let's them know how to handle the birds with care.

Definitely on board with getting his kid a pet. Dog, cat, bird, fish, it doesn't matter. Whatever makes them happy.

Another thing he's surprisingly great at is teaching his child valuable lessons. Like "treat others the way you want to be treated" or "it's okay to cry if you're feeling sad". Even his friends are surprised to see him act so wise.

PRIDE DAD🏳️‍🌈

YOU BET YOUR ASS HE'D BE THE COOL DAD THAT TAKES HIS KID TO A PRIDE EVENT. No cops at pride, just the Lost Boys.

He'd teach his child about the different flags and what they all mean, encourage them to learn more about the community, and to be respectful of everyone's identity and pronouns.

Fashion icon

What I mean is that he's definitely getting his kid a jacket of their own, and sewing on any patch they want. Maybe he'd even teach them how to sew as well.

He'd also encourage his kid to express themselves however they want with fashion. He's been around so long that he doesn't worry or care about stuff like who wears pink and who wears blue. So he's supportive no matter what.

Same goes for haircuts and makeup!

Now don't get me wrong, he's definitely a sweet kind of dad. But he's still a wild child at heart, and he's letting that rub off on his own baby.

He teaches his child how nazis deserve to be punched in the face, that cops aren't your friends and that privileged people in power try to keep down those who are poor, POC, or a part of the LGBTQ+ community.

In a way, Marko encourages his child to be a vigilante of some sort. Taking down those who think they can mistreat those who don't deserve it.

If his kid gets into a fight, he's either tagging in to help or defending them so they don't get in trouble.

When teaching his kid how to use their powers, he's encouraging them to be ruthless with their kills. Leave no survivors and enjoy your meal.

He also does a bit of combat training. Deep down, he's terrified that someone is going to hurt his baby, even if they've got powers to defend themselves. He just wants to do whatever he can to keep them safe.

Marko isn't the best with discipline. He loves trouble-making and being a bit chaotic, so unfortunately, his partner will have to be the "strict" one.

However, if his kid does something where they're potentially in danger, THEN he'll give them a serious talking to.

"I told you not to go with strangers! You could have gotten hurt! I was worried sick!"

He's worried about his baby.

Oh yeah, God help anyone who hurts his baby. They WILL die, and it will be painfully slow.

Now I personally HC him as being Italian and also Jewish (in honor of Alex Winter's faith). DISCLAIMER: I'm not Jewish myself. However, I believe whatever important teachings or stories he wants to share with his child would be done in great detail. He'd share details about his heritage and culture, teaching his child Italian and Hebrew as best as he can.

((Side note: If anyone out there does in fact practice Judaism, I would love to get your thoughts on how Marko would relate to it. I want to be as respectful as possible and learn whatever I can!))

Overall, Marko is an amazing father. He's devoted to his baby every step of the way. He's not perfect, but what parent is?

Would be referred to as "Avi" by his kid. (meaning 'My father' in Hebrew)

Favorite nickname for his kid would be "Bambino/a" (meaning 'little child' or 'baby' in Italian)

I hope I did Marko justice!! Thank you again!

[agentnico]

The Fall Guy (2024) review

Reynolds is Free Guy. Gosling is Fall Guy. These Ryans are just such guys!!

Plot: After leaving the business one year earlier, battle-scarred stuntman Colt Seavers springs back into action when the star of a big studio movie suddenly disappears. As the mystery surrounding the missing actor deepens, Colt soon finds himself ensnared in a sinister plot that pushes him to the edge of a fall more dangerous than any stunt.

Ryan Gosling needs to do more comedies. Whether he’s the charming womaniser in Crazy, Stupid, Love, a bumbling private eye in The Nice Guys, a Wall Street snob in The Big Short or finding his inner Kenergy in Barbie, the dude’s got jokes. Not taking away anything from his stoic tortured turns in Drive and Blade Runner 2049, but I’m really enjoying this current Gosling trend of embracing the funny guy persona, as he’s easily a bonafide comedic star. His new studio vehicle The Fall Guy is yet another breezy, light-hearted entertainment given life by Gosling and co-star’s Emily Blunt’s wry comic timing.

Coming to us from director David Leitch, who’s had great success with action films the likes of John Wick and Bullet Train, he delivers here a true love-letter to the craft of stuntmen, with the crazy risks they take and how much work goes behind creating that spectacular action shot that is then seemlessly enjoyed by audiences on the big screen. And there are truly some incredible stunts showcased throughout this movie, and most of it being fully practical with only the smallest amount of CGI used. Its top notch action, with flawless camera work and some great cinematography that pays respect and also pokes fun at certain filmmaking techniques and cliches with a certain memorable sequence involving a very well choreographed split-screen scene. This boosted by a great soundtrack that includes a solid dose of Taylor Swift, I mean it’s perfect early summer blockbuster fun.

The plot is suitably nonsense (as fitting given its 1980s TV origins). Don't think too hard about it. If you ponder questions such as: what about the other witnesses? Can you recover from a broken back to that extent in 18 months? Would he have reported a crime that he was being framed for? When he goes through real windscreens, falls long distances onto hard surfaces, etc., how does he not break any bones? And so on.... well, it will spoil your fun. You can really easily knit-pick the hell out of this movie, but I’m sorry, I’m too busy listening to Ryan Gosling throwing one liners like “I’m gonna beat the shit out of him” multiple times to care for any logic or narrative prowess.

Speaking of Gosling, him and Blunt are the primary reason to see The Fall Guy. These two are both hilarious with their timing and delivery, however more-so they share this incredible chemistry that reminded me a lot of romantic comedies of the early 2000s, and it was truly delightful seeing a real rom-com that’s actually good in 2024! Honestly, even in moments of no dialogue, just when they're looking at each other, you'll know well enough they’re holding back so hard to not just snog the living skin off one another. Like these two want to bang. People were freaking over Glen Powell and Sydney Sweeney last year, well they can move over as Gosling and Blunt are now the new power couple! My apologies to their real life partners John Krasinski and Eva Mendes.

Look, The Fall Guy is in no way a masterpiece, but it’s super enjoyable and such a delightful watch where everyone is having a fantastic time. Shout out to other cast members Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Hannah Waddingham and Winston Duke all on top form. If you want an easy watch and a perfect date movie - you know what to do. As for me, I just really need Ryan Gosling to play a cool, down-bad simp every year in order to live.

Overall score: 7/10

[bloxbomber-guezz]

Guezz

name: Guezz

birthday: june 24 (as reference to account creation date)

pronouns: he / him

aro/ace

face style: kaomoji / emoticon, ( unknown font, black ink )

Guezz is, my first Roblox avatar, which I named this account after.

ironically for a guest impersonator, guezz is loud and expressive. guezz is also very reckless, loud, stubborn and energetic. he seems to be constantly going on adventures so he can spend as little time at his own home as possible.

some people may find guezz annoying due to his tendency just walk up to random people and infodump about his hobbies, or his tendencies to quickly pick petty fights and sometimes violent fights with anyone who dare insults or harrasses his friends.

guezz does not have many friends so he thinks his friends are the best things in the world, and he can be a bit too defensive of them, even when speaking up for his friends makes his friends uncomfortable.

however, guezz is slowly learning how to become a better friend over time.

He is learning how to improve on his manners and being more considerate as guezz hangs out with nubzie and their family more.

guezz loves to pretend to be things he is not, as he isn't a real wizard either. guezz explores caves and mountains. guezz enjoys collecting rocks, crafting bombs and decorating the bombs.

guezz's face is 2d and emoticon-bound. this means guezz's facial expressions are restricted to expressing in text based emoticon or kaomoji. guezz's spit, tears, blood and sweat share the same black, inky colour as the text on his face.

i like to think his name is a very poor spelling of the name "jess" but it can also be pronounced as "guess".

hatless guezz.

guezz's hair is usually hidden completely when he is wearing his hat.

guezz's hair colour is a red, that matches the "ROBLOX" banner on his torso. his fluffy hair is usually tied up into a ponytail.

the shape of guezz's hair style is inspired by bomb fuses and cartoon explosion bubbles.

stub limbed guezz

i often draw guezz's scarf at inconsistent sizes for fun.

the scarf is loose around the neck and rather large.

ink drawing guezz.

i imagine the green "gem" on his hat functioning like a headlamp.

the wizard hat guezz wears is actually a mining helmet that he decorated.

marker guezz holding a bomb.

guezz prefers to use lit fuse explosives as weapons.

mspaint guezz with his best buddy, nubzie.

guezz always hangs out at nubzie's house and never the other way around.

nubzie's family are very happy and accepting of nubzie's new friend since they're normally afraid of strangers and rarely makes any new friends.

nubzie is a bit more quiet in comparison to guezz.

nubzie is respectful and naturally likes be very well behaved and polite on their own, but is very shy and clings towards their own family instead of try to make new friends.

like a younger sibling, nubzie looks up to guezz and can be influenced by guezz's reckless actions and can partake in them.

nubzie is trying to learn how to be more independent.

nubzie enjoys camping, carving, and tree climbing.

nubzie seems to attend some of outdoor program similar to kiss scouts and really believes in respecting their code of conduct.

they like to wear matching exploring outfits with guezz.

mountain climbing

nubzie and guezz ingame.

pixel art of sticks, guezz and nubzie.

sticks is another friend of guezz. sticks is around the same age as guezz.

sticks is a frail, nervous half of a robloxian being held in place by a singular bandaid.

due to missing half of his original body, sticks is often seen by others as a zombie.

guezz and nubzie are glad to accept sticks despite his body being horribly mutilated from injury.

sticks is glad to stick by his friend's side despite not always agreeing with guezz's reckless behaviour.

sticks is the most cautious member of the friend trio and tries to keep his buddies out of danger.

sticks usually daydreams about pursuing random talents and hobbies, and shares what he's learned with his friends.

doodles of the trio.

guezz has a fear of drowning because in older versions of roblox, hats still affected player mass ingame.

player avatars with a heavier combination of hats sank like cement when trying to swim in water terrain. these avatars also struggled to surface and exit the water.

guezz was one of my avatars that had those issues.

[barbie-movie-confessions]

i personally love the memeification of barbie movies. it keeps them somewhat relevant in pop culture when they wouldn't be otherwise, and even though they're special to me im very well aware there's a lot to make fun of in them

Or maybe they’re still relevant because many of them are actually very good movies.

I’m pretty sure the reason that anon doesn’t like the memeification of Barbie movies is because the internet as a whole has this sort of imbalance between the “ironic” fans who make fun and fans that no-joke love Barbie movies as they are. The Shrek franchise is a good comparison. Shrek 1 & 2 are actually really good films, but the franchise as a whole has been memeified so badly that sometimes it’s hard to find people talking about it in a serious manner.

A lot of Barbie’s films are genuinely good. There are things we can criticize or make fun of, of course, as with all media. But I also understand Anon’s frustration with wanting to see them treated with more respect. I think it’s that imbalance I mentioned. People who like Barbie movies the way want to interact with people who feel that same way. 

But unlike Disney, DreamWorks, or even lesser-liked animation studios like Illumination, Barbie’s films are not taken seriously by people who aren’t already fans. Yes, Barbie movies are 70min toy commercials, but so are a lot of Disney movies. Barbie movies sometimes have ridiculous or confusing plots, so does Blue Sky or Illumination. At the same time, though, it’s clear that tons of Barbie movies are crafted with the same care that one would give to any other animation studio. Many have beautifully developed romances, animation that holds up surprisingly well, unique worlds, humor appropriate for kids that also makes adults laugh, etc.

And another part of it is how others react to non-sarcastic fans. Ever heard of the term “Disney Adult”? While some people use it to describe themselves, a lot of others use it as a way to make fun of adults who still like Disney. Barbie fans may not have their own term like that, but just liking anything related to Barbie, not even just the movies, as an adult often gets you judged. I’ve had film bros breathe down my neck before about how I need to watch some “real” movies. It’s embarrassing and mean.

Sorry for this long reply. I just really don’t agree with the idea that without the “meme culture” Barbie movies would be considered irrelevant. And honestly, even if they are irrelevant in the grand scheme of animation, or movies as a whole, does that really matter? Plenty of “relevant” movies these days have boring plots, utilize the same actors over and over, or simply recycle stuff from the past. Relevancy doesn’t automatically mean better.

I do appreciate your point of view. Like I said before, there are in fact things you can criticize or make fun of with Barbie movies, even if they take up half your lifeforce like me. I just happen to agree with that other Anon about their overall perception.

- Erika

[thistleking]

Fëanorion Spouse OC: Curufin's Wife/Celebrimbor's Mother

First up we’ve got Sartissë Falassendil, called Ardemmacto. Her names are in reference to her personality and interests. Sartissë is her amilessë, meaning “one who is steadfast, trusty, loyal”, and Falassendil is her ataressë and means “friend/lover of the wave-beaten shore”. Neither really suited her though, and so she goes by the epessë she earned as a young adult! Ardemmacto means “one who creates pictures/images of Arda”. She’s a cartographer/oceanographer. I couldn't find the specific job title but she makes sea charts!

As you can probably guess, Ardemmacto is Telerin! The initial idea for her was more Jenny’s than mine, but we developed all of these characters through conversations so ultimately she’s ours. We were discussing Quenya-Sindarin name translation and Jenny brought up the one (bad) draft where Celebrimbor was Telerin, and how that still influenced the published Silm because the form of silver used in his name “Telpe” is specifically Telerin Quenya! Noldorin Quenya would have been Tyelpe. This got the ball rolling on my favourite kind of Silm speculation: how can we make things just a little bit worse? Being half-Teler gives Celebrimbor something in common with his Arafinwion cousins as additional motivation for disowning his father’s family, and makes the kinslaying at Alqualondë very literal. So!! Curufin marries a Telerin woman, how the hell do we fit this into canon?

Well, first we had to work out what kind of person he would marry. Like all of Finwë’s descendants, Curufin has - to put it politely - a very strong personality, and the only options are really someone who can match him or someone who folds like wet cardboard, and the latter isn’t any fun at all. Ardemmacto has a keen sense of justice/fairness, and a proclivity towards action. She's very passionate and very stubborn and very kind—very "I will make you get better if I have to drag you kicking and screaming to it." They’re a couple who are similar in personality but have completely different interests, though she’s definitely more empathetic than her husband. Ardemmacto’s family aren’t noble, and they don’t hold any social power. She’s from a town just a bit outside of Alqualonde (I still haven’t named it, but that doesn’t really matter lmao), and is utterly exhausted by the political maneuvering inherent to living in Tirion. She's someone who can challenge Curufin in everyday life, without setting off any kind of inferiority complex because she's not challenging him in his own craft or like, questioning his social position and setting off his middle child syndrome.

They meet as kids. Curufin wanders off to sulk on a rock during a family trip to visit Arafinwë’s family, he’s the equivalent of 12ish and does not want to hang out with his brothers and cousins. Ardemmacto walks up to him like "Hi you're in my way. I’m trying to draw a map of the beach and I need to draw the rock you're on." Then they're shitty tweens at each other for a bit. They become best friends over the weeks of that visit, and the subsequent trips over the following decades. It’s a lot of infodumping about their respective interests, dunking each other in the surf, and some mutual light antagonism. Ardemmacto likes Curufin for his charisma and dedication to the things he loves, whether that’s his craft or the people he cares about! He likes her for similar reasons and that she doesn’t give a shit that he’s a prince or Fëanor’s son. Like, she knows who he is, but emotionally he’s just her friend Curufin.

Like any good friends-to-lovers story they gotta have an oh moment. Ardemmacto’s is on her first visit to Tirion. They’re young adults by this point, over a century old and most of the way through their apprenticeships. She wants some new surveying gear and goes up to Curufin and puts in an order. Now I gotta go on a tangent about my interpretation of social classes in pre-Darkening Tirion, namely that there isn’t much distinction between people! Aman is a post-scarcity utopia, people aren’t competing for resources or exploiting the labour of others. Finwë became king because people like him, he’s good at organizing people and resolving conflicts when they don’t involve him personally. But, with all this said, there is still some social faux pas for commissioning work from the royal family when there’s plenty of craftspeople around who are just as capable of making what you need. Unless you’re related to them or are Ingwë or Olwë, you wouldn’t go to Fëanor or his kids for something you could get from someone else.

Ardemmacto? Not only is she not related to the royal family or anyone of social capital in Tirion, she's a nobody from Alqualonde, and she walks right up to Curufin and commissions him and he drops whatever he's doing to fill her order. She doesn’t even realize that this is weird until other people start side-eying her for presuming to request work from the grandson of the High King. At which point she has a little breakdown about how her best friend is actually a Very Important Person, and not only does he choose to spend his time with her, he’s dedicated enough to their friendship to set aside his work for her whims. Then she realizes that she loves him.

Curufin, of course, has been in love with her for years and has been too scared to say anything because she’s his best friend, his only friend who doesn’t compare him to his family or care that he’s of the house of Finwë, and What If He Fucks That Up.

They end up in a stalemate of mutual pining, neither of them wanting to shift the suddenly precarious balance of their relationship. However!!! Ardemmacto knows next to no-one in Tirion. She's gonna stay with Curufin and his family, they had already decided on this plan back when she first said she would be visiting. Curufin picks up that Ardemmacto is behaving differently, but he thinks that it’s because she's in a new city and not only has to navigate Noldorin society, but she has to do it as the guest of the royal house. Meanwhile she IS acting weird but it’s because she's having a crisis over realizing that her best friend is hot and that she's going to be living with him for a few weeks.

Thankfully, living with Curufin means living with his parents and most of his siblings, which means that relatives can meddle. We haven’t decided on who, but one of his brothers is gonna work out what’s going on and tell Curufin. He has his own mini-crisis and then resolves to confess his feelings on the day Ardemmacto leaves - so that she isn’t stuck in his house if it goes badly. She’s initially disbelieving, because he hasn’t been acting any differently, then he’s like, “what do you think me doing everything you tell me to do means?” “That you’re a pushover?” “NO!! I’VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU SINCE WE WERE KIDS” and then they have an argument about him not confessing earlier because she’s about to leave, they don’t get the opportunity to be together in the same place.

Their courtship is long-distance and very brief. They’re young to marry by Valinorian standards, but not crazy young, equivalent to early 20s. In a choice that surprises Tirion high society, but not his immediate family, Curufin moves to Ardemmacto’s hometown. I’m gonna try to keep this short and so I can save it for a post about him specifically, but I think Curufin is a genuinely very talented and charismatic guy in his own right, it’s just that everyone just expects that of him because of who he’s related to. It’s very hard to be confident in your own abilities if no one’s gassing you up! He prefers the relative anonymity of small town life, where he’s considered on his own merits. His work is also far more mobile than hers is, for all that a forge is in one location and surveying necessitates travel. Ardemmacto needs to be on the ocean to pursue her craft, while Curufin can establish a forge anywhere.

Celebrimbor is born eventually. I don’t have anything specific to say about his childhood? He’s spoiled by all his grandparents, his parents love him deeply, he’s one of the very few Noldor who knows how to sail a boat.

Things can’t stay good forever, this is the Silmarillion after all. Melkor is released from the Halls of Mandos, conflict starts brewing in Tirion, and even with their physical distance, Curufin and Ardemmacto are drawn into it by their family. When Fëanor is exiled to Formenos, Ardemmacto chooses to follow her husband and father-in-law. She doesn’t want to separate her family, especially after having experienced it before while courting! Furthermore, Curufin had moved to be with her and her parents; giving up the ocean for a few years so that he can be with his family is fair play. It’s more interesting to me if they had a very healthy, loving relationship right up until everything blows up in their faces.

Then the Darkening, and Finwë is murdered by Melkor-now-Morgoth, and Fëanor starts agitating to follow him across the ocean to Beleriand. Ardemmacto is on board with this plan. She was swayed enough by Morgoth’s anti-Valar rumours that she’s got a bone to pick with them for “abandoning” the Sindar. It’s also a point of pride that she followed Curufin into exile when none of the other women who married into the family did. She’s resolved to follow him anywhere. She does fight with Curufin over bringing Celebrimbor into danger, but that doesn't dissuade her from coming; better he have two parents to protect him than one. (It doesn't matter that he's nearly of age: he's still her baby.)

Ardemmacto gets a front row seat for Fëanor’s failed negotiations with Olwë, and only begins to have some mild reservations about the plan to steal the ships. She pushes it aside though, it's still for a good cause, after all. They're going to aid the Sindar, who—now that Morgoth has been revealed to be unchanged and unrepentant—must be having a Bad Time right about now, and isn't it fair for the Telerin fleet to aid Elwë's people?

Then swords are drawn. And she stops before the docks, and turns to find her son who has been lost in the confusion, in the dark, as the streets of her people’s home grow wet with blood.

She tells Curufin and Celebrimbor she wants to turn back, after that—after the Kinslaying—that she will not sail on the ships her people were murdered for, and she asks Celebrimbor to come home with her. She gives him the night to decide which of his parents he will choose, wanting him to have as much time to consider as they can give, refusing to force him to make that decision on the spot when emotions are running high.

And then in the night, Curufin is awoken by his father, who tells him to wake his family, but Curufin leaves his wife asleep and hurries Celebrimbor into the boat still half-asleep before he really understands what's going on. It's only as they're already sailing that Celebrimbor wakes up enough to realize that the choice he fell asleep still wrestling with was taken away from him, and he didn't even get to say goodbye.

Ardemmacto considers turning back, speaking to Eärwen to see what she intends to do, as another woman of the Teleri who married into the Noldor only to see her own people slaughtered in the streets, but ultimately decides fuck that. Curufin does not get to have the last word this time, though she does renounce him (not knowing that someday her son will renounce his father for yet another betrayal of her kin). She resolves to cross the Grinding Ice and make her son say to her face that he would rather stand by his father through betrayal after betrayal than stay with her.

She sticks with the Arafinwion followers at first, keeping her head down, not drawing attention to herself. Her cousins-in-law are also (part-)Teleri who are crossing the Helcaraxë mostly out of spite and have extremely conflicted feelings about this whole thing now, but Finrod proves himself in some way, becoming co-leader of the Exiles crossing the ice alongside Fingolfin himself, and Ardemmacto joins his inner circle. As far as she's concerned, he has earned her trust and loyalty in his own right, and when they reach Beleriand and she finds her son, regardless of what Celebrimbor says, she intends to return to follow Finrod wherever he will go.

Of course, our parameters for this headcanon come back into play here. Things need to stay canon-compliant, or else the puzzle of fitting as much detail into the gaps of the Silm as we can becomes writing over it, and we both get the most fun out of threading that needle. Ardemmacto would be too important to leave out of the histories if she was present for the First Age. Instead, she dies in the Battle of the Lammoth, saving Finrod's life. He’s the one who breaks the news to Curufin, who adds the guilt and grief of destroying his relationship and Ardemmacto’s death onto the massive pile of it that he already had.

Ardemmacto is reembodied just before the first casualties of the War of Wrath die. Between missing the fleet, and her original exile, she’s forbidden from joining the fighting. She had avoided Curufin in the Halls, and continues to avoid any reminders of her husband in her new life. Some of the survivors of Nargothrond - or maybe some of the dead in the Halls - told her that Celebrimbor disowned himself, and she’s proud of him for that! She moves to Alqualondë, throws herself into her craft and what rebuilding still remains. Numenor is a point of interest for her! That’s a whole new island, the currents and ocean floor are completely different! She’s busy! She’s fine! She’s holding out hope that she’ll be able to reunite with her son, and she’s got a knife picked out to wave in Curufin’s face if he ever approaches her!

Then Celebrimbor dies. Horribly. At the hands of a Maia.

Ardemmacto tries petitioning the Valar to send an army to help. They tell her no, they’re trying not to sink another continent, to which she’s like “oh so a continent is too much but you’re fine with Eregion being razed? Is that not big enough to matter?” and they go “look, this is in no way your fault, but you really don’t understand the scale of destruction involved here” and she’s like “WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE LET ME GO FIGHT THE FIRST TIME!” She drops the petition on the day that she catches herself contemplating whether she could get away with sailing as far as Numenor openly and then secretly from there to Middle-Earth. Even though it would be her own boat this time, no plan that involves sailing a boat to Middle-Earth in defiance of the Valar is one that Ardemmacto’s comfortable with.

She’s there for Celebrimbor when he leaves the Halls, and they are able to rebuild their relationship. She doesn’t take Curufin back. If they had been able to reunite in Beleriand and he was able to explain how rushed the final theft of the boats was and does a lot of grovelling, then she might have forgiven him. Ardemmacto was there to see how the First Kinslaying escalated from theft to mass murder; a panicked choice made in the dark is something she could understand. But after Nargothrond and Doriath? No way in hell.

[innuendostudios]

Thoughts on: Criterion's Neo-Noir Collection

I have written up all 26 films* in the Criterion Channel's Neo-Noir Collection.

Legend: rw - rewatch; a movie I had seen before going through the collection dnrw - did not rewatch; if a movie met two criteria (a. I had seen it within the last 18 months, b. I actively dislike it) I wrote it up from memory.

* in September, Brick leaves the Criterion Channel and is replaced in the collection with Michael Mann's Thief. May add it to the list when that happens.

Note: These are very "what was on my mind after watching." No effort has been made to avoid spoilers, nor to make the plot clear for anyone who hasn't seen the movies in question. Decide for yourself if that's interesting to you.

Cotton Comes to Harlem I feel utterly unequipped to asses this movie. This and Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song the following year are regularly cited as the progenitors of the blaxploitation genre. (This is arguably unfair, since both were made by Black men and dealt much more substantively with race than the white-directed films that followed them.) Its heroes are a couple of Black cops who are treated with suspicion both by their white colleagues and by the Black community they're meant to police. I'm not 100% clear on whether they're the good guys? I mean, I think they are. But the community's suspicion of them seems, I dunno... well-founded? They are working for The Man. And there's interesting discussion to the had there - is the the problem that the law is carried out by racists, or is the law itself racist? Can Black cops make anything better? But it feels like the film stacks the deck in Gravedigger and Coffin Ed's favor; the local Black church is run by a conman, the Back-to-Africa movement is, itself, a con, and the local Black Power movement is treated as an obstacle. Black cops really are the only force for justice here. Movie portrays Harlem itself as a warm, thriving, cultured community, but the people that make up that community are disloyal and easily fooled. Felt, to me, like the message was "just because they're cops doesn't mean they don't have Black soul," which, nowadays, we would call copaganda. But, then, do I know what I'm talking about? Do I know how much this played into or off of or against stereotypes from 1970? Was this a radical departure I don't have the context to appreciate? Is there substance I'm too white and too many decades removed to pick up on? Am I wildly overthinking this? I dunno. Seems like everyone involved was having a lot of fun, at least. That bit is contagious.

Across 110th Street And here's the other side of the "race film" equation. Another movie set in Harlem with a Black cop pulled between the police, the criminals, and the public, but this time the film is made by white people. I like it both more and less. Pro: this time the difficult position of Black cop who's treated with suspicion by both white cops and Black Harlemites is interrogated. Con: the Black cop has basically no personality other than "honest cop." Pro: the racism of the police force is explicit and systemic, as opposed to comically ineffectual. Con: the movie is shaped around a racist white cop who beats the shit out of Black people but slowly forms a bond with his Black partner. Pro: the Black criminal at the heart of the movie talks openly about how the white world has stacked the deck against him, and he's soulful and relateable. Con: so of course he dies in the end, because the only way privileged people know to sympathetize with minorities is to make them tragic (see also: The Boys in the Band, Philadelphia, and Brokeback Mountain for gay men). Additional con: this time Harlem is portrayed as a hellhole. Barely any of the community is even seen. At least the shot at the end, where the criminal realizes he's going to die and throws the bag of money off a roof and into a playground so the Black kids can pick it up before the cops reclaim it was powerful. But overall... yech. Cotton Comes to Harlem felt like it wasn't for me; this feels like it was 100% for me and I respect it less for that.

The Long Goodbye (rw) The shaggiest dog. Like much Altman, more compelling than good, but very compelling. Raymond Chandler's story is now set in the 1970's, but Philip Marlowe is the same Philip Marlowe of the 1930's. I get the sense there was always something inherently sad about Marlowe. Classic noir always portrayed its detectives as strong-willed men living on the border between the straightlaced world and its seedy underbelly, crossing back and forth freely but belonging to neither. But Chandler stresses the loneliness of it - or, at least, the people who've adapted Chandler do. Marlowe is a decent man in an indecent world, sorting things out, refusing to profit from misery, but unable to set anything truly right. Being a man out of step is here literalized by putting him forty years from the era where he belongs. His hardboiled internal monologue is now the incessant mutterings of the weird guy across the street who never stops smoking. Like I said: compelling! Kael's observation was spot on: everyone in the movie knows more about the mystery than he does, but he's the only one who cares. The mystery is pretty threadbare - Marlowe doesn't detect so much as end up in places and have people explain things to him. But I've seen it two or three times now, and it does linger.

Chinatown (rw) I confess I've always been impressed by Chinatown more than I've liked it. Its story structure is impeccable, its atmosphere is gorgeous, its noirish fatalism is raw and real, its deconstruction of the noir hero is well-observed, and it's full of clever detective tricks (the pocket watches, the tail light, the ruler). I've just never connected with it. Maybe it's a little too perfectly crafted. (I feel similar about Miller's Crossing.) And I've always been ambivalent about the ending. In Towne's original ending, Evelyn shoots Noah Cross dead and get arrested, and neither she nor Jake can tell the truth of why she did it, so she goes to jail for murder and her daughter is in the wind. Polansky proposed the ending that exists now, where Evelyn just dies, Cross wins, and Jake walks away devastated. It communicates the same thing: Jake's attempt to get smart and play all the sides off each other instead of just helping Evelyn escape blows up in his face at the expense of the woman he cares about and any sense of real justice. And it does this more dramatically and efficiently than Towne's original ending. But it also treats Evelyn as narratively disposable, and hands the daughter over to the man who raped Evelyn and murdered her husband. It makes the women suffer more to punch up the ending. But can I honestly say that Towne's ending is the better one? It is thematically equal, dramatically inferior, but would distract me less. Not sure what the calculus comes out to there. Maybe there should be a third option. Anyway! A perfect little contraption. Belongs under a glass dome.

Night Moves (rw) Ah yeah, the good shit. This is my quintessential 70's noir. This is three movies in a row about detectives. Thing is, the classic era wasn't as chockablock with hardboiled detectives as we think; most of those movies starred criminals, cops, and boring dudes seduced to the darkness by a pair of legs. Gumshoes just left the strongest impressions. (The genre is said to begin with Maltese Falcon and end with Touch of Evil, after all.) So when the post-Code 70's decided to pick the genre back up while picking it apart, it makes sense that they went for the 'tecs first. The Long Goodbye dragged the 30's detective into the 70's, and Chinatown went back to the 30's with a 70's sensibility. But Night Moves was about detecting in the Watergate era, and how that changed the archetype. Harry Moseby is the detective so obsessed with finding the truth that he might just ruin his life looking for it, like the straight story will somehow fix everything that's broken, like it'll bring back a murdered teenager and repair his marriage and give him a reason to forgive the woman who fucked him just to distract him from some smuggling. When he's got time to kill, he takes out a little, magnetic chess set and recreates a famous old game, where three knight moves (get it?) would have led to a beautiful checkmate had the player just seen it. He keeps going, self-destructing, because he can't stand the idea that the perfect move is there if he can just find it. And, no matter how much we see it destroy him, we, the audience, want him to keep going; we expect a satisfying resolution to the mystery. That's what we need from a detective picture; one character flat-out compares Harry to Sam Spade. But what if the truth is just... Watergate? Just some prick ruining things for selfish reasons? Nothing grand, nothing satisfying. Nothing could be more noir, or more neo-, than that.

Farewell, My Lovely Sometimes the only thing that makes a noir neo- is that it's in color and all the blood, tits, and racism from the books they're based on get put back in. This second stab at Chandler is competant but not much more than that. Mitchum works as Philip Marlowe, but Chandler's dialogue feels off here, like lines that worked on the page don't work aloud, even though they did when Bogie said them. I'll chalk it up to workmanlike but uninspired direction. (Dang this looks bland so soon after Chinatown.) Moose Malloy is a great character, and perfectly cast. (Wasn't sure at first, but it's true.) Some other interesting cats show up and vanish - the tough brothel madam based on Brenda Allen comes to mind, though she's treated with oddly more disdain than most of the other hoods and is dispatched quicker. In general, the more overt racism and misogyny doesn't seem to do anything except make the movie "edgier" than earlier attempts at the same material, and it reads kinda try-hard. But it mostly holds together. *shrug*

The Killing of a Chinese Bookie (dnrw) Didn't care for this at all. Can't tell if the script was treated as a jumping-off point or if the dialogue is 100% improvised, but it just drags on forever and is never that interesting. Keeps treating us to scenes from the strip club like they're the opera scenes in Amadeus, and, whatever, I don't expect burlesque to be Mozart, but Cosmo keeps saying they're an artful, classy joint, and I keep waiting for the show to be more than cheap, lazy camp. How do you make gratuitious nudity boring? Mind you, none of this is bad as a rule - I love digressions and can enjoy good sleaze, and it's clear the filmmakers care about what they're making. They just did not sell it in a way I wanted to buy. Can't remember what edit I watched; I hope it was the 135 minute one, because I cannot imagine there being a longer edit out there.

The American Friend (dnrw) It's weird that this is Patricia Highsmith, right? That Dennis Hopper is playing Tom Ripley? In a cowboy hat? I gather that Minghella's version wasn't true to the source, but I do love that movie, and this is a long, long way from that. This Mr. Ripley isn't even particularly talented! Anyway, this has one really great sequence, where a regular guy has been coerced by crooks into murdering someone on a train platform, and, when the moment comes to shoot, he doesn't. And what follows is a prolonged sequence of an amateur trying to surreptitiously tail a guy across a train station and onto another train, and all the while you're not sure... is he going to do it? is he going to chicken out? is he going to do it so badly he gets caught? It's hard not to put yourself in the protagonist's shoes, wondering how you would handle the situation, whether you could do it, whether you could act on impulse before your conscience could catch up with you. It drags on a long while and this time it's a good thing. Didn't much like the rest of the movie, it's shapeless and often kind of corny, and the central plot hook is contrived. (It's also very weird that this is the only Wim Wenders I've seen.) But, hey, I got one excellent sequence, not gonna complain.

The Big Sleep Unlike the 1946 film, I can follow the plot of this Big Sleep. But, also unlike the 1946 version, this one isn't any damn fun. Mitchum is back as Marlowe (this is three Marlowes in five years, btw), and this time it's set in the 70's and in England, for some reason. I don't find this offensive, but neither do I see what it accomplishes? Most of the cast is still American. (Hi Jimmy!) Still holds together, but even less well than Farewell, My Lovely. But I do find it interesting that the neo-noir era keeps returning to Chandler while it's pretty much left Hammet behind (inasmuch as someone whose genes are spread wide through the whole genre can be left behind). Spade and the Continental Op, straightshooting tough guys who come out on top in the end, seem antiquated in the (post-)modern era. But Marlowe's goodness being out of sync with the world around him only seems more poignant the further you take him from his own time. Nowadays you can really only do Hammett as pastiche, but I sense that you could still play Chandler straight.

Eyes of Laura Mars The most De Palma movie I've seen not made by De Palma, complete with POV shots, paranormal hoodoo, and fixation with sex, death, and whether images of such are art or exploitation (or both). Laura Mars takes photographs of naked women in violent tableux, and has gotten quite famous doing so, but is it damaging to women? The movie has more than a superficial engagement with this topic, but only slightly more than superficial. Kept imagining a movie that is about 30% less serial killer story and 30% more art conversations. (But, then, I have an art degree and have never murdered anyone, so.) Like, museums are full of Biblical paintings full of nude women and slaughter, sometimes both at once, and they're called masterpieces. Most all of them were painted by men on commission from other men. Now Laura Mars makes similar images in modern trappings, and has models made of flesh and blood rather than paint, and it's scandalous? Why is it only controversial once women are getting paid for it? On the other hand, is this just the master's tools? Is she subverting or challenging the male gaze, or just profiting off of it? Or is a woman profiting off of it, itself, a subversion? Is it subversive enough to account for how it commodifies female bodies? These questions are pretty clearly relevant to the movie itself, and the movies in general, especially after the fall of the Hays Code when people were really unrestrained with the blood and boobies. And, heck, the lead is played by the star of Bonnie and Clyde! All this is to say: I wish the movie were as interested in these questions as I am. What's there is a mildly diverting B-picture. There's one great bit where Laura's seeing through the killer's eyes (that's the hook, she gets visions from the murderer's POV; no, this is never explained) and he's RIGHT BEHIND HER, so there's a chase where she charges across an empty room only able to see her own fleeing self from ten feet behind. That was pretty great! And her first kiss with the detective (because you could see a mile away that the detective and the woman he's supposed to protect are gonna fall in love) is immediately followed by the two freaking out about how nonsensical it is for them to fall in love with each other, because she's literally mourning multiple deaths and he's being wildly unprofessional, and then they go back to making out. That bit was great, too. The rest... enh.

The Onion Field What starts off as a seemingly not-that-noirish cops-vs-crooks procedural turns into an agonizingly protracted look at the legal system, with the ultimate argument that the very idea of the law ever resulting in justice is a lie. Hoo! I have to say, I'm impressed. There's a scene where a lawyer - whom I'm not sure is even named, he's like the seventh of thirteen we've met - literally quits the law over how long this court case about two guys shooting a cop has taken. He says the cop who was murdered has been forgotten, his partner has never gotten to move on because the case has lasted eight years, nothing has been accomplished, and they should let the two criminals walk and jail all the judges and lawyers instead. It's awesome! The script is loaded with digressions and unnecessary details, just the way I like it. Can't say I'm impressed with the execution. Nothing is wrong, exactly, but the performances all seem a tad melodramatic or a tad uninspired. Camerawork is, again, purely functional. It's no masterpiece. But that second half worked for me. (And it's Ted Danson's first movie! He did great.)

Body Heat (rw) Let's say up front that this is a handsomely-made movie. Probably the best looking thing on the list since Night Moves. Nothing I've seen better captures the swelter of an East Coast heatwave, or the lusty feeling of being too hot to bang and going at it regardless. Kathleen Turner sells the hell out of a femme fatale. There are a lot of good lines and good performances (Ted Danson is back and having the time of his life). I want to get all that out of the way, because this is a movie heavily modeled after Double Indemnity, and I wanted to discuss its merits before I get into why inviting that comparison doesn't help the movie out. In a lot of ways, it's the same rules as the Robert Mitchum Marlowe movies - do Double Indemnity but amp up the sex and violence. And, to a degree it works. (At least, the sex does, dunno that Double Indemnity was crying out for explosions.) But the plot is amped as well, and gets downright silly. Yeah, Mrs. Dietrichson seduces Walter Neff so he'll off her husband, but Neff clocks that pretty early and goes along with it anyway. Everything beyond that is two people keeping too big a secret and slowly turning on each other. But here? For the twists to work Matty has to be, from frame one, playing four-dimensional chess on the order of Senator Palpatine, and its about as plausible. (Exactly how did she know, after she rebuffed Ned, he would figure out her local bar and go looking for her at the exact hour she was there?) It's already kind of weird to be using the spider woman trope in 1981, but to make her MORE sexually conniving and mercenary than she was in the 40's is... not great. As lurid trash, it's pretty fun for a while, but some noir stuff can't just be updated, it needs to be subverted or it doesn't justify its existence.

Blow Out Brian De Palma has two categories of movie: he's got his mainstream, director-for-hire fare, where his voice is either reigned in or indulged in isolated sequences that don't always jive with the rest fo the film, and then there's his Brian De Palma movies. My mistake, it seems, is having seen several for-hires from throughout his career - The Untouchables (fine enough), Carlito's Way (ditto, but less), Mission: Impossible (enh) - but had only seen De Palma-ass movies from his late period (Femme Fatale and The Black Dahlia, both of which I think are garbage). All this to say: Blow Out was my first classic-era De Palma, and holy fucking shit dudes. This was (with caveats) my absolute and entire jam. I said I could enjoy good sleaze, and this is good friggin' sleaze. (Though far short of De Palma at his sleaziest, mercifully.) The splitscreens, the diopter shots, the canted angles, how does he make so many shlocky things work?! John Travolta's sound tech goes out to get fresh wind fx for the movie he's working on, and we get this wonderful sequence of visuals following sounds as he turns his attention and his microphone to various noises - a couple on a walk, a frog, an owl, a buzzing street lamp. Later, as he listens back to the footage, the same sequence plays again, but this time from his POV; we're seeing his memory as guided by the same sequence of sounds, now recreated with different shots, as he moves his pencil in the air mimicking the microphone. When he mixes and edits sounds, we hear the literal soundtrack of the movie we are watching get mixed and edited by the person on screen. And as he tries to unravel a murder mystery, he uses what's at hand: magnetic tape, flatbed editors, an animation camera to turn still photos from the crime scene into a film and sync it with the audio he recorded; it's forensics using only the tools of the editing room. As someone who's spent some time in college editing rooms, this is a hoot and a half. Loses a bit of steam as it goes on and the film nerd stuff gives way to a more traditional thriller, but rallies for a sound-tech-centered final setpiece, which steadily builds to such madcap heights you can feel the air thinning, before oddly cutting its own tension and then trying to build it back up again. It doesn't work as well the second time. But then, that shot right after the climax? Damn. Conflicted on how the movie treats the female lead. I get why feminist film theorists are so divided on De Palma. His stuff is full of things feminists (rightly) criticize, full of women getting naked when they're not getting stabbed, but he also clearly finds women fascinating and has them do empowered and unexpected things, and there are many feminist reads of his movies. Call it a mixed bag. But even when he's doing tropey shit, he explores the tropes in unexpected ways. Definitely the best movie so far that I hadn't already seen.

Cutter's Way (rw) Alex Cutter is pitched to us as an obnoxious-but-sympathetic son of a bitch, and, you know, two out of three ain't bad. Watched this during my 2020 neo-noir kick and considered skipping it this time because I really didn't enjoy it. Found it a little more compelling this go around, while being reminded of why my feelings were room temp before. Thematically, I'm onboard: it's about a guy, Cutter, getting it in his head that he's found a murderer and needs to bring him to justice, and his friend, Bone, who intermittently helps him because he feels bad that Cutter lost his arm, leg, and eye in Nam and he also feels guilty for being in love with Cutter's wife. The question of whether the guy they're trying to bring down actually did it is intentionally undefined, and arguably unimportant; they've got personal reasons to see this through. Postmodern and noirish, fixated with the inability to ever fully know the truth of anything, but starring people so broken by society that they're desperate for certainty. (Pretty obvious parallels to Vietnam.) Cutter's a drunk and kind of an asshole, but understandably so. Bone's shiftlessness is the other response to a lack of meaning in the world, to the point where making a decision, any decision, feels like character growth, even if it's maybe killing a guy whose guilt is entirely theoretical. So, yeah, I'm down with all of this! A- in outline form. It's just that Cutter is so uninterestingly unpleasant and no one else on screen is compelling enough to make up for it. His drunken windups are tedious and his sanctimonious speeches about what the war was like are, well, true and accurate but also obviously manipulative. It's two hours with two miserable people, and I think Cutter's constant chatter is supposed to be the comic relief but it's a little too accurate to drunken rambling, which isn't funny if you're not also drunk. He's just tedious, irritating, and periodically racist. Pass.

Blood Simple (rw) I'm pretty cool on the Coens - there are things I've liked, even loved, in every Coen film I've seen, but I always come away dissatisfied. For a while, I kept going to their movies because I was sure eventually I'd love one without qualification. No Country for Old Men came close, the first two acts being master classes in sustained tension. But then the third act is all about denying closure: the protagonist is murdered offscreen, the villain's motives are never explained, and it ends with an existentialist speech about the unfathomable cruelty of the world. And it just doesn't land for me. The archness of the Coen's dialogue, the fussiness of their set design, the kinda-intimate, kinda-awkward, kinda-funny closeness of the camera's singles, it cannot sell me on a devastating meditation about meaninglessness. It's only ever sold me on the Coens' own cleverness. And that archness, that distancing, has typified every one of their movies I've come close to loving. Which is a long-ass preamble to saying, holy heck, I was not prepared for their very first movie to be the one I'd been looking for! I watched it last year and it remains true on rewatch: Blood Simple works like gangbusters. It's kind of Double Indemnity (again) but played as a comedy of errors, minus the comedy: two people romantically involved feeling their trust unravel after a murder. And I think the first thing that works for me is that utter lack of comedy. It's loaded with the Coens' trademark ironies - mostly dramatic in this case - but it's all played straight. Unlike the usual lead/femme fatale relationship, where distrust brews as the movie goes on, the audience knows the two main characters can trust each other. There are no secret duplicitous motives waiting to be revealed. The audience also know why they don't trust each other. (And it's all communicated wordlessly, btw: a character enters a scene and we know, based on the information that character has, how it looks to them and what suspicions it would arouse, even as we know the truth of it). The second thing that works is, weirdly, that the characters aren't very interesting?! Ray and Abby have almost no characterization. Outside of a general likability, they are blank slates. This is a weakness in most films, but, given the agonizingly long, wordless sequences where they dispose of bodies or hide from gunfire, you're left thinking not "what will Ray/Abby do in this scenario," because Ray and Abby are relatively elemental and undefined, but "what would I do in this scenario?" Which creates an exquisite tension but also, weirdly, creates more empathy than I feel for the Coens' usual cast of personalities. It's supposed to work the other way around! Truly enjoyable throughout but absolutely wonderful in the suspenseful-as-hell climax. Good shit right here.

Body Double The thing about erotic thrillers is everything that matters is in the name. Is it thrilling? Is it erotic? Good; all else is secondary. De Palma set out to make the most lurid, voyeuristic, horny, violent, shocking, steamy movie he could come up with, and its success was not strictly dependent on the lead's acting ability or the verisimilitude of the plot. But what are we, the modern audience, to make of it once 37 years have passed and, by today's standards, the eroticism is quite tame and the twists are no longer shocking? Then we're left with a nonsensical riff on Vertigo, a specularization of women that is very hard to justify, and lead actor made of pulped wood. De Palma's obsessions don't cohere into anything more this time; the bits stolen from Hitchcock aren't repurposed to new ends, it really is just Hitch with more tits and less brains. (I mean, I still haven't seen Vertigo, but I feel 100% confident in that statement.) The diopter shots and rear-projections this time look cheap (literally so, apparently; this had 1/3 the budget of Blow Out). There are some mildly interesting setpieces, but nothing compared to Travolta's auditory reconstructions or car chase where he tries to tail a subway train from street level even if it means driving through a frickin parade like an inverted French Connection, goddamn Blow Out was a good movie! Anyway. Melanie Griffith seems to be having fun, at least. I guess I had a little as well, but it was, at best, diverting, and a real letdown.

The Hit Surprised by how much I enjoyed this one. Terrance Stamp flips on the mob and spends ten years living a life of ease in Spain, waiting for the day they find and kill him. Movie kicks off when they do find him, and what follows is a ramshackle road movie as John Hurt and a young Tim Roth attempt to drive him to Paris so they can shoot him in front of his old boss. Stamp is magnetic. He's spent a decade reading philosophy and seems utterly prepared for death, so he spends the trip humming, philosophizing, and being friendly with his captors when he's not winding them up. It remains unclear to the end whether the discord he sews between Roth and Hurt is part of some larger plan of escape or just for shits and giggles. There's also a decent amount of plot for a movie that's not terribly plot-driven - just about every part of the kidnapping has tiny hitches the kidnappers aren't prepared for, and each has film-long repercussions, drawing the cops closer and somehow sticking Laura del Sol in their backseat. The ongoing questions are when Stamp will die, whether del Sol will die, and whether Roth will be able to pull the trigger. In the end, it's actually a meditation on ethics and mortality, but in a quiet and often funny way. It's not going to go down as one of my new favs, but it was a nice way to spend a couple hours.

Trouble in Mind (dnrw) I fucking hated this movie. It's been many months since I watched it, do I remember what I hated most? Was it the bit where a couple of country bumpkins who've come to the city walk into a diner and Mr. Bumpkin clocks that the one Black guy in the back as obviously a criminal despite never having seen him before? Was it the part where Kris Kristofferson won't stop hounding Mrs. Bumpkin no matter how many times she demands to be left alone, and it's played as romantic because obviously he knows what she needs better than she does? Or is it the part where Mr. Bumpkin reluctantly takes a job from the Obvious Criminal (who is, in fact, a criminal, and the only named Black character in the movie if I remember correctly, draw your own conclusions) and, within a week, has become a full-blown hood, which is exemplified by a lot, like, a lot of queer-coding? The answer to all three questions is yes. It's also fucking boring. Even out-of-drag Divine's performance as the villain can't save it.

Manhunter 'sfine? I've still never seen Silence of the Lambs, nor any of the Hopkins Lecter movies, nor, indeed, any full episode of the show. So the unheimlich others get seeing Brian Cox play Hannibal didn't come into play. Cox does a good job with him, but he's barely there. Shame, cuz he's the most interesting part of the movie. Honestly, there's a lot of interesting stuff that's barely there. Will Graham being a guy who gets into the heads of serial killers is explored well enough, and Mann knows how to direct a police procedural such that it's both contemplative and propulsive. But all the other themes it points at? Will's fear that he understands murderers a little too well? Hannibal trying to nudge him towards becoming one? Whatever dance Hannibal and Tooth Fairy are doing? What Tooth Fairy's deal is, anyway? (Why does he wear fake teeth and bite things? Why is he fixated on the red dragon? Does the bit where he says "Francis is gone forever" mean he has DID?) None of it goes anywhere or amounts to anything. I mean, it's certainly more interesting with this stuff than without, but it has that feel of a book that's been pared of its interesting bits to fit the runtime (or, alternately, pulp that's been sloppily elevated). I still haven't made my mind up on Mann's cold, precise camera work, but at least it gives me something to look at. It's fine! This is fine.

Mona Lisa (rw) Gave this one another shot. Bob Hoskins is wonderful as a hood out of his depth in classy places, quick to anger but just as quick to let anger go (the opening sequence where he's screaming on his ex-wife's doorstep, hurling trash cans at her house, and one minute later thrilled to see his old car, is pretty nice). And Cathy Tyson's working girl is a subtler kind of fascinating, exuding a mixture of coldness and kindness. It's just... this is ultimately a story about how heartbreaking it is when the girl you like is gay, right? It's Weezer's Pink Triangle: The Movie. It's not homophobic, exactly - Simone isn't demonized for being a lesbian - but it's still, like, "man, this straight white guy's pain is so much more interesting than the Black queer sex worker's." And when he's yelling "you woulda done it!" at the end, I can't tell if we're supposed to agree with him. Seems pretty clear that she wouldn'ta done it, at least not without there being some reveal about her character that doesn't happen, but I don't think the ending works if we don't agree with him, so... I'm like 70% sure the movie does Simone dirty there. For the first half, their growing relationship feels genuine and natural, and, honestly, the story being about a real bond that unfortunately means different things to each party could work if it didn't end with a gun and a sock in the jaw. Shape feels jagged as well; what feels like the end of the second act or so turns out to be the climax. And some of the symbolism is... well, ok, Simone gives George money to buy more appropriate clothes for hanging out in high end hotels, and he gets a tan leather jacket and a Hawaiian shirt, and their first proper bonding moment is when she takes him out for actual clothes. For the rest of the movie he is rocking double-breasted suits (not sure I agree with the striped tie, but it was the eighties, whaddya gonna do?). Then, in the second half, she sends him off looking for her old streetwalker friend, and now he looks completely out of place in the strip clubs and bordellos. So far so good. But then they have this run-in where her old pimp pulls a knife and cuts George's arm, so, with his nice shirt torn and it not safe going home (I guess?) he starts wearing the Hawaiian shirt again. So around the time he's starting to realize he doesn't really belong in Simone's world or the lowlife world he came from anymore, he's running around with the classy double-breasted suit jacket over the garish Hawaiian shirt, and, yeah, bit on the nose guys. Anyway, it has good bits, I just feel like a movie that asks me to feel for the guy punching a gay, Black woman in the face needs to work harder to earn it. Bit of wasted talent.

The Bedroom Window Starts well. Man starts an affair with his boss' wife, their first night together she witnesses an attempted murder from his window, she worries going to the police will reveal the affair to her husband, so the man reports her testimony to the cops claiming he's the one who saw it. Young Isabelle Huppert is the perfect woman for a guy to risk his career on a crush over, and Young Steve Guttenberg is the perfect balance of affability and amorality. And it flows great - picks just the right media to res. So then he's talking to the cops, telling them what she told him, and they ask questions he forgot to ask her - was the perp's jacket a blazer or a windbreaker? - and he has to guess. Then he gets called into the police lineup, and one guy matches her description really well, but is it just because he's wearing his red hair the way she described it? He can't be sure, doesn't finger any of them. He finds out the cops were pretty certain about one of the guys, so he follows the one he thinks it was around, looking for more evidence, and another girl is attacked right outside a bar he knows the redhead was at. Now he's certain! But he shows the boss' wife the guy and she's not certain, and she reminds him they don't even know if the guy he followed is the same guy the police suspected! And as he feeds more evidence to the cops, he has to lie more, because he can't exactly say he was tailing the guy around the city. So, I'm all in now. Maybe it's because I'd so recently rewatched Night Moves and Cutter's Way, but this seems like another story about uncertainty. He's really certain about the guy because it fits narratively, and we, the audience, feel the same. But he's not actually a witness, he doesn't have actual evidence, he's fitting bits and pieces together like a conspiracy theorist. He's fixating on what he wants to be true. Sign me up! But then it turns out he's 100% correct about who the killer is but his lies are found out and now the cops think he's the killer and I realize, oh, no, this movie isn't nearly as smart as I thought it was. Egg on my face! What transpires for the remaining half of the runtime is goofy as hell, and someone with shlockier sensibilities could have made a meal of it, but Hanson, despite being a Corman protege, takes this silliness seriously in the all wrong ways. Next!

Homicide (rw? I think I saw most of this on TV one time) Homicide centers around the conflicted loyalties of a Jewish cop. It opens with the Jewish cop and his white gentile partner taking over a case with a Black perp from some Black FBI agents. The media is making a big thing about the racial implications of the mostly white cops chasing down a Black man in a Black neighborhood. And inside of 15 minutes the FBI agent is calling the lead a k*ke and the gentile cop is calling the FBI agent a f****t and there's all kinds of invective for Black people. The film is announcing its intentions out the gate: this movie is about race. But the issue here is David Mamet doesn't care about race as anything other than a dramatic device. He's the Ubisoft of filmmakers, having no coherent perspective on social issues but expecting accolades for even bringing them up. Mamet is Jewish (though lead actor Joe Mantegna definitely is not) but what is his position on the Jewish diaspora? The whole deal is Mantegna gets stuck with a petty homicide case instead of the big one they just pinched from the Feds, where a Jewish candy shop owner gets shot in what looks like a stickup. Her family tries to appeal to his Jewishness to get him to take the case seriously, and, after giving them the brush-off for a long time, finally starts following through out of guilt, finding bits and pieces of what may or may not be a conspiracy, with Zionist gun runners and underground neo-Nazis. But, again: all of these are just dramatic devices. Mantegna's Jewishness (those words will never not sound ridiculous together) has always been a liability for him as a cop (we are told, not shown), and taking the case seriously is a reclamation of identity. The Jews he finds community with sold tommyguns to revolutionaries during the founding of Israel. These Jews end up blackmailing him to get a document from the evidence room. So: what is the film's position on placing stock in one's Jewish identity? What is its position on Israel? What is its opinion on Palestine? Because all three come up! And the answer is: Mamet doesn't care. You can read it a lot of different ways. Someone with more context and more patience than me could probably deduce what the de facto message is, the way Chris Franklin deduced the de facto message of Far Cry V despite the game's efforts not to have one, but I'm not going to. Mantegna's attempt to reconnect with his Jewishness gets his partner killed, gets the guy he was supposed to bring in alive shot dead, gets him possibly permanent injuries, gets him on camera blowing up a store that's a front for white nationalists, and all for nothing because the "clues" he found (pretty much exclusively by coincidence) were unconnected nothings. The problem is either his Jewishness, or his lifelong failure to connect with his Jewishness until late in life. Mamet doesn't give a shit. (Like, Mamet canonically doesn't give a shit: he is on record saying social context is meaningless, characters only exist to serve the plot, and there are no deeper meanings in fiction.) Mamet's ping-pong dialogue is fun, as always, and there are some neat ideas and characters, but it's all in service of a big nothing that needed to be a something to work.

Swoon So much I could talk about, let's keep it to the most interesting bits. Hommes Fatales: a thing about classic noir that it was fascinated by the marginal but had to keep it in the margins. Liberated women, queer-coded killers, Black jazz players, broke thieves; they were the main event, they were what audiences wanted to see, they were what made the movies fun. But the ending always had to reassert straightlaced straight, white, middle-class male society as unshakeable. White supremacist capitalist patriarchy demanded, both ideologically and via the Hays Code, that anyone outside these norms be punished, reformed, or dead by the movie's end. The only way to make them the heroes was to play their deaths for tragedy. It is unsurprising that neo-noir would take the queer-coded villains and make them the protagonists. Implicature: This is the story of Leopold and Loeb, murderers famous for being queer, and what's interesting is how the queerness in the first half exists entirely outside of language. Like, it's kind of amazing for a movie from 1992 to be this gay - we watch Nathan and Dickie kiss, undress, masturbate, fuck; hell, they wear wedding rings when they're alone together. But it's never verbalized. Sex is referred to as "your reward" or "what you wanted" or "best time." Dickie says he's going to have "the girls over," and it turns out "the girls" are a bunch of drag queens, but this is never acknowledged. Nathan at one point lists off a bunch of famous men - Oscar Wild, E.M. Forster, Frederick the Great - but, though the commonality between them is obvious (they were all gay), it's left the the audience to recognize it. When their queerness is finally verbalized in the second half, it's first in the language of pathology - a psychiatrist describing their "perversions" and "misuse" of their "organs" before the court, which has to be cleared of women because it's so inappropriate - and then with slurs from the man who murders Dickie in jail (a murder which is written off with no investigation because the victim is a gay prisoner instead of a L&L's victim, a child of a wealthy family). I don't know if I'd have noticed this if I hadn't read Chip Delany describing his experience as a gay man in the 50's existing almost entirely outside of language, the only language at the time being that of heteronormativity. Murder as Love Story: L&L exchange sex as payment for the other commiting crimes; it's foreplay. Their statements to the police where they disagree over who's to blame is a lover's quarrel. Their sentencing is a marriage. Nathan performs his own funeral rites over Dickie's body after he dies on the operating table. They are, in their way, together til death did they part. This is the relationship they can have. That it does all this without romanticizing the murder itself or valorizing L&L as humans is frankly incredible.

Suture (rw) The pitch: at the funeral for his father, wealthy Vincent Towers meets his long lost half brother Clay Arlington. It is implied Clay is a child from out of wedlock, possibly an affair; no one knows Vincent has a half-brother but him and Clay. Vincent invites Clay out to his fancy-ass home in Arizona. Thing is, Vincent is suspected (correctly) by the police of having murdered his father, and, due to a striking family resemblence, he's brought Clay to his home to fake his own death. He finagles Clay into wearing his clothes and driving his car, and then blows the car up and flees the state, leaving the cops to think him dead. Thing is, Clay survives, but with amnesia. The doctors tell him he's Vincent, and he has no reason to disagree. Any discrepancy in the way he looks is dismissed as the result of reconstructive surgery after the explosion. So Clay Arlington resumes Vincent Towers' life, without knowing Clay Arlington even exists. The twist: Clay and Vincent are both white, but Vincent is played by Michael Harris, a white actor, and Clay is played by Dennis Haysbert, a Black actor. "Ian, if there's just the two of them, how do you know it's not Harris playing a Black character?" Glad you asked! It is most explicitly obvious during a scene where Vincent/Clay's surgeon-cum-girlfriend essentially bringing up phrenology to explain how Vincent/Clay couldn't possibly have murdered his father, describing straight hair, thin lips, and a Greco-Roman nose Haysbert very clearly doesn't have. But, let's be honest: we knew well beforehand that the rich-as-fuck asshole living in a huge, modern house and living it up in Arizona high society was white. Though Clay is, canonically, white, he lives an poor and underprivileged life common to Black men in America. Though the film's title officially refers to the many stitches holding Vincent/Clay's face together after the accident, "suture" is a film theory term, referring to the way a film audience gets wrapped up - sutured - in the world of the movie, choosing to forget the outside world and pretend the story is real. The usage is ironic, because the audience cannot be sutured in; we cannot, and are not expected to, suspend our disbelief that Clay is white. We are deliberately distanced. Consequently this is a movie to be thought about, not to to be felt. It has the shape of a Hitchcockian thriller but it can't evoke the emotions of one. You can see the scaffolding - "ah, yes, this is the part of a thriller where one man hides while another stalks him with a gun, clever." I feel ill-suited to comment on what the filmmakers are saying about race. I could venture a guess about the ending, where the psychiatrist, the only one who knows the truth about Clay, says he can never truly be happy living the lie of being Vincent Towers, while we see photographs of Clay/Vincent seemingly living an extremely happy life: society says white men simply belong at the top more than Black men do, but, if the roles could be reversed, the latter would slot in seamlessly. Maybe??? Of all the movies in this collection, this is the one I'd most want to read an essay on (followed by Swoon).

The Last Seduction (dnrw) No, no, no, I am not rewataching this piece of shit movie.

Brick (rw) Here's my weird contention: Brick is in color and in widescreen, but, besides that? There's nothing neo- about this noir. There's no swearing except "hell." (I always thought Tug said "goddamn" at one point but, no, he's calling The Pin "gothed-up.") There's a lot of discussion of sex, but always through implication, and the only deleted scene is the one that removed ambiguity about what Brendan and Laura get up to after kissing. There's nothing postmodern or subversive - yes, the hook is it's set in high school, but the big twist is that it takes this very seriously. It mines it for jokes, yes, but the drama is authentic. In fact, making the gumshoe a high school student, his jadedness an obvious front, still too young to be as hard as he tries to be, just makes the drama hit harder. Sam Spade if Sam Spade were allowed to cry. I've always found it an interesting counterpoint to The Good German, a movie that fastidiously mimics the aesthetics of classic noir - down to even using period-appropriate sound recording - but is wholly neo- in construction. Brick could get approved by the Hays Code. Its vibe, its plot about a detective playing a bunch of criminals against each other, even its slang ("bulls," "yegg," "flopped") are all taken directly from Hammett. It's not even stealing from noir, it's stealing from what noir stole from! It's a perfect curtain call for the collection: the final film is both the most contemporary and the most classic. It's also - but for the strong case you could make for Night Moves - the best movie on the list. It's even more appropriate for me, personally: this was where it all started for me and noir. I saw this in theaters when it came out and loved it. It was probably my favorite movie for some time. It gave me a taste for pulpy crime movies which I only, years later, realized were neo-noir. This is why I looked into Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang and In Bruges. I've seen it more times than any film on this list, by a factor of at least 3. It's why I will always adore Rian Johnson and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. It's the best-looking half-million-dollar movie I've ever seen. (Indie filmmakers, take fucking notes.) I even did a script analysis of this, and, yes, it follows the formula, but so tightly and with so much style. Did you notice that he says several of the sequence tensions out loud? ("I just want to find her." "Show of hands.") I notice new things each time I see it - this time it was how "brushing Brendan's hair out of his face" is Em's move, making him look more like he does in the flashback, and how Laura does the same to him as she's seducing him, in the moment when he misses Em the hardest. It isn't perfect. It's recreated noir so faithfully that the Innocent Girl dies, the Femme Fatale uses intimacy as a weapon, and none of the women ever appear in a scene together. 1940's gender politics maybe don't need to be revisited. They say be critical of the media you love, and it applies here most of all: it is a real criticism of something I love immensely.

[beautifulterriblequeen]

Trickster: an Ethari theory

I've had yea many Ethari headcanons, and I hope I live to have yea many more. Most of them are probably wrong, or incomplete at best. But boy are they fun.

I love to wonder what Ethari will really be like in canon when we get to know him for more than 3 minutes, but whoever he really is on his own, he will have an effect on Runaan , Rayla, and everyone who loves him, because they love him.

The first headcanon I can remember having for "Tinker" was that he could be like Leonardo da Vinci: a genius, creative, surrounded by beautiful ideas given shape by his hands, but also capable of creating deadly weapons, enchantments, and devices with equal beauty, and perhaps not really seeing where the line between them was. It was fun, but Ethari has ended up far softer than my headcanon, and I love and support him in his softness!

After a nice string of Ethari headcanons, this year I've started poking at the Trickster archetype and seeing if it applies to him. And I think it absolutely does!

Tricksters often seem like Chaos. But they're not. They're just Difference. "Chaos" is subjective. Like the "divergent" in "neurodivergent." Who says? Divergent from what, exactly? Perspective matters, and Tricksters have a very broad take on things which allows them to think outside any box people might try to invite them into.

My enjoyment of Loki has brought all kinds of ideas to my dash with the arrival of the Loki show. I've got a copy of the Edda, and I highlighted the hell out of it a couple of years ago as I searched for the roots of Loki's origin story. (It's truly fascinating reading and the symbolic language hidden inside their poetry is dazzlingly amazing and I'm super using it sometime just so you know)

Loki is a Trickster, and he's far from alone in myth and legend. Anansi, Coyote, and Sun Wukong are some you may have heard of. Aaravos is another, of course. Tricksters can be called upon to lend aid and wisdom when the rules don't have an answer for some extraordinary circumstance which the Trickster's people find themselves in. But that's not because they are truly outside the rule of order. They are actually a part of it. They are the catch-all for when the everyday ordinary rules fail people, and something "unthinkable"--in the literal sense--might just hold the answer.

This post crossed my dash today, and something finally clicked in my head, and all of this coalesced from what felt like separate places. But they're not separate, not anymore! Serotonin, baby. It's basically upped my headcanon to a full-blown theory.

What caught my eye was an answer to why Ethari's clothing is so determinedly asymmetrical, compared to Runaan's specifically, but Moonshadows in general. It's because of this:

Long protective sleeves below patterns on shoulders. A high collar paired with a bright and noticeable swoop around the neck. Fine detailing and graceful taste. Asymmetrical tunic point on the left, below broad strappy leather. Knee high boots with stylish protective gaiters.

And let's not forget the curling horns! In some comics, Loki has a broken horn. So does Ethari.

Yes, there is a lot of similarity here, but I'm not focused so much on the visuals as the reason they were chosen. Feel free to consider other aspects of Ethari's personality and how they might be similar to certain parts of Loki's. I did! But I wouldn't be me if I didn't go deeper than that.

My favorite book in the universe (so far) is Lois McMaster Bujold's The Curse of Chalion, and one of the many reasons why is because of her pantheon. It holds five gods, represented by a hand: Father, Mother, Son, Daughter, and Bastard. The first four all have their roles and places. The Bastard--the thumb--inherits everything else. He is the god of all things that do not belong to any other gods, and that includes self-sacrificing vengeance and queerness. He is a Trickster, and his influence on Cazaril's life is far deeper than at first glance. Chaos has its place. It belongs, and so do the Tricksters who engender it. God, I love this book. Please read it if you haven't. Bujold's work is amazing.

If you've seen or read any version of MDZS/Untamed, you know that Wei WuXian is a trickster. Competent and badass in battle, but playful and teasing to the point where sometimes even he isn't sure what he truly wants, he can bring a massive amount of power and focus when he wants to. It's always a matter of "but is it important to me?"

I love WWX so much. The Trickster vibe is very apparent in his character, and in a way you just don't get in Western media. We see him on his own, and we see him with family and loved ones. And he's always feeling something so intensely! He's driven by his emotions, for good or ill. He vibes with chaos, and he will create it if it doesn't exist yet. But he will also create family from nothing, and that's something you don't see enough of! WWX is a Trickster with an emotional preference for joy.

In TDP, Ethari doesn't have a lot of lore yet. It's being Moonshadowed because spoilers for future seasons, and I respect that. The longer the wait for S4, the more ideas I will just amuse myself with in the meantime--and yeah, this is one of them, so what? :))) But we do know a little about him.

He loves music. He loves to read. He leaves his mark on things in swirly form. He works very hard, even through headaches, because what he's doing is that important to him, even though he would much rather be making jewelry. He loves taking the time to polish rough stones into brilliant jewels, and he adores big pretty flowers and had them at his wedding.

Ethari has a temper, but he also loves puns. The weapons he crafts are exquisite: "light, elegant, strong, and clever." And he knew darn well that Runaan was trying to flirt with him, but why return a sentiment he may or may not feel yet when he can play with the overly earnest assassin just a little bit first?

Okay, just... A "simple craftsman" deciding that it's going to be fun to toy for a bit with a broody assassin's feelings? Would you risk that? Ethari got balls the size of the moon, and a brain to match. When he has to make weaponry, he does not half-ass it. Ethari's stabby creations nearly have a life of their own. His creations are literally called "trick weapons." This elf is a lot, okay. And it's possible that he doesn't even know how "a lot" he is. Yet.

We're meeting Ethari after he's found something that is, in fact, genuinely important to him: Runaan, and Rayla, and Laindrin too. Ethari has found a relatively stable place to settle and find a role to adopt. I say adopt, though, because making weaponry for his loved ones is not what he grew up wanting to do. It's what he had to do to keep them safe, once he found a place to bestow his heart.

But in the show, Ethari has lost his family, one by one. First Lain and Tiadrin, ghosted. Then Runaan, supposedly fallen on his mission. Then Rayla, ghosted for abandoning Runaan. He and Rayla have reconnected now, but the rest of his family is still out of his reach. If Rayla has indeed told him, by S4, what she learned at the Moonhenge in TTM, then Ethari may parallel Rayla's journey to seek answers. But even if he doesn't know yet, and gets pulled into some other story arc first, we will be seeing Ethari without his family.

Remember the ATLA episode "Zuko Alone"? Consider: "Ethari Alone."

Ethari has chosen, for love, to fit himself into a box that wasn't of his own making. And now that box has broken. His family doesn't need him to be their craftsman anymore. Perhaps others will need him to be other things to them. Or perhaps he will know that his family does need him, but to be far more than just a maker of pretty swords. A rescuer, perhaps. A healer, a guide? An avenger?

A trickster. Capable of taking many shapes, because he understands them all. Ethari works with form and function. If he needs to transform himself, he will.

That's what Tricksters do. It's delightfully queer and delightfully neurodivergent. Ancient peoples accepted and revered the different among them and actively sought their help with things they themselves struggled with.

Tricksters are Difference. Sometimes that manifests as chaos, sometimes as genius. But if you do not love and appreciate your chaos, it will absolutely turn on you. Wei Wuxian did. Loki certainly has, many times. Perhaps Aaravos is doing so as well.

I cannot wait to see what Ethari does with his difference. I have something very specific that I hope he goes and breaks.

All this from a picture of Tom Hiddleston in his Avengers 1 Loki costume? Yeah. Because Ethari was designed to wear asymmetrical clothing, in a Moonshadow culture that prides itself on balance. Sure, there are some other Moonshadows who wear this or that asymmetrical item, and I do love to see it. But Ethari has the most asymmetrical lines of them all. The meta glee I feel knowing that Moonshadow elves are designed to hold many layers of meaning in their appearances--that the writers, creators, and character designers just flexed with them--is truly a delight.

Ethari is asymmetrical. The full and practical application of that is a glass casket, and I hope it becomes a gift that keeps on giving, because boy do I want to keep receiving it. But right now, I'm genuinely seeing evidence of the Trickster archetype in him. And I really hope it gets to come out and play.

[reachfolk]

If you're still doing asks bestie,,, 3, 13 and 14 for the twins? And maybe Isobel if you're feeling up to it!! I adore them

do the twins have any kind of crafting skills that aren’t in-game?

answering for both the twins together for this one bc they're both musicians!! we all know robin's a thief and has some pretty nimble fingers bc of it, so he also took very well to instruments like the piano and lute. marci on the other hand is a trained singer (fun fact: while i was describing her voice in the fic, the song that i listened to on repeat was i wonder lol). the two will often put on little performances if they ever have some guests over. unlike with most things their mother pushed them into though, they do actually really enjoy music!

does isobel have any kind of crafting skills that aren’t in-game?

art!! when she was in karthwasten, she loved to gather rocks and paint on them, and she kept them in a little box under her bed or even lined them along the karth river. she also painted bones if she ever went hunting with her parents. her favorite piece was a deer skull she skinned and cleaned herself, then painted flowers all along the surface. whenever she was in markarth, she convinced ursula to let her stand on her shoulders so she could reach high up the walls and paint their clan's symbol. she still paints to this day, though she mostly keeps it to pottery and canvas.

do your oc's have any particular rivalry or mutual dislike with any npc?

i MEAN the obvious answer is thonar and thongvor for sure. they weren't too thrilled to welcome a bunch of reachfolk into the silver-blood family, and they see isobel and her kids all as a sort of threat to the empire they've built. rivalry is a very weak word to describe it though.

robin is ready to throw down with a ton of people honestly, especially rich and/or noble people that have their heads shoved up their asses. maven black-briar, elenwen, erikur, siddgeir, etc. are the ones that come to mind right off the bat. they're stuck up, entitled, and altogether shitty people. he's definitely stolen from them plenty of times, pulled countless pranks on them, and done just about everything he can think of to get in their way. he's been caught a few times, and it doesn't escape their notice that something always happens to go wrong when he's around, so they all dislike him in equal measure.

for marceline, she might occasionally get roped into robin's antics, but generally she keeps to herself, so she flies under people's radar quite a bit. she definitely has a lot of people she like... side-eyes though, and they're usually just about anyone who's an ass to robin. people make it very clear when they look down on him as the screw-up in the family, and she hates those people a LOT.

as for isobel, she generally tries to not get on anyone's bad side, so i'd say there isn't anyone specific that stands out to her as being a rival. but she definitely doesn't like a lot of the people she has to engage with, including the people i listed above for robin. they're all very condescending to her about her parenting and some of them are pretty clearly prejudiced against her people, but she just tries to be polite in the face of it all.

how well-liked is robin? what is his reputation, if he's well-known? is he simply liked/disliked, or is he respected but feared, or personally liked but not taken seriously, etc? do major factions consider him an important player?

robin is not very well liked, and he's pretty well aware of it. for the most part, it's people he doesn't like that don't like him back (for the same reasons i mentioned above), so he can't be too upset by it, but given the fact that that's the majority of his social circle, it does sting. he likes to make friends with the less fortunate people around the cities he visits (beggars and thieves and what have you, thanks nocturnal) and he generally gets on well with them, but there's definitely this underlying sense that he'll never understand their struggles, so a lot of them dislike him for the privilege he was born with. in general, his reputation is very much "the bad kid in the family / the black sheep." as for major factions, he gets pretty deeply involved in the reachfolk uprising later on in the story!!

how well-liked is marceline? what is her reputation, if she's well-known? is she simply liked/disliked, or is she respected but feared, or personally liked but not taken seriously, etc? do major factions consider her an important player?

marceline puts on a facade of a very quiet, introverted, polite girl, so most people buy into it. i guess you could say she's well-liked in her station, if a bit muted and hard to read. she very rarely shows any aspects of her personality, so people don't have much to say about her. she's definitely known, given her family's status, but she manages to fly under the radar pretty easily. she... does a complete 180 on this by the end of the story lmao, girlie gets her glo up moment <3 in terms of which factions consider her a major player, she also ends up playing a big role in the uprising.

how well-liked is isobel? what is her reputation, if she's well-known? is she simply liked/disliked, or is she respected but feared, or personally liked but not taken seriously, etc? do major factions consider her an important player?

isobel's reputation is something she's very, very hyper-aware of. she carefully curated this image of herself as strong but not threatening, elegant but not delicate, confident but not stuck up. if it sounds like it'd drive someone insane, that's bc it would <3 for the most part, she's successful in building this reputation. most people in her social circle quite like her, save for a few of the least savory of the bunch. having said that, there are definitely some rumors she's desperately trying to quash that she bewitched her husband or something to gain social status. she's the talk of a lot of unpleasant gossip.

[stonesparrow]

You seem like the right person to go to for some thoughtful meta analysis

Here's something that has bothered me for ages - the lack of cultural info for Ishigami Village (and the Petrification Kingdom but that's a whole post on its own)

I can accept that they haven't made their own writing system. Ok, fine, cool. But they have art cause the one kid is a really good artist! Where is the art??? And music? Humans love making noise, so even if they hadn't heard someone of Lillian's caliber before they should've at least heard music before (the lithophone would've been such a fun one to incorporate - like "haha they have a stone instrument in the stone world! Aren't we clever?"). It showed them hitting a drum to signify the beginning of the grand bout, but it would've been so cool to hear the music they had developed and to see if any of the influences of the 21st century remained.

Also what's with the ropes they wear? (other than perhaps being a clever indicator to show who is from the 21st century and who is from Ishigami village) And why didn't Senku get a rope when he became their leader? They could've made it so cool and significant!

I just feel like all we know about their culture is that they're all named after rocks, minerals, and metals (which is very cool! But I want More)

What are your thoughts?

Hummm cultural development for Ishigami Village?

I feel like music is definitely important in the village - I believe there’s a quote from one of the novels where Byakuya tells Lillian that he’s prioritizing oral traditions instead of written language so that they can preserve modern Japanese or something (which I personally think is a little sketchier than simply handwaving the whole “language didn’t change for 3,700 years” thing. Language can undergo a huge shift in a few centuries, let alone a few millenia. I wouldn’t be able to speak Elizabethan English very well at least)

The Hundred Stories is as close as you can get to a sort of sacred “text” in the village, and in Soyuz’ flashback on Treasure Island it’s revealed that Soyuz’ mother was selected as the Head’s wife for her incredible memory, so that Soyuz could learn the Hundred Stories. Besides the role of the priestess/prince??? to learn the stories and preserve them for the next Stories holder, Ruri was known to tell the Stories to the villagers as well, since they know the story of Momotarou and Speaker the Bee.

We know a good number of the Stories were about survival, and some are apparently long enough that they take hours to recite in their entirety. A few were hints for Senku, but then what does that leave for the rest? Byakuya wanted to preserve the knowledge of Japan, so would they perhaps be other kinds of fairy tales? Songs, folklore, history...mathematics? There’s apparently a filler tale called “G1 Grand Prix,” and one about comedy. There might even be stories about things that the old world had phrased in really simple ways like... electricity being “captured lightning” or “houses that touched the sky.”

I’d hazard a guess that music could easily be integrated into the telling of the Hundred Stories - some of them might even be told in song or with a rhythmic cadence. Ishigami Village hadn’t progressed to forging metal until Senku showed up, so they’d be slightly limited for instruments. Basic string and percussion instruments would be easy though, and perhaps things like wooden flutes.

Aww now I’m imagining that one of the Hundred Stories was like, advice to children to stay close to home and it was to the tune of a lullaby that Byakuya would hum to a baby Senku to calm him down.

I’m a little at a loss for a logical reason why everyone would be named after rocks and minerals. Setting aside the obvious pun with “Stone God Village,” names in all cultures are often derived from occupations or symbolic of characteristics or natural beauty. Plus the fact that the villagers have no tradition of family names or actually using many of the minerals complicates it somewhat (and the 6 person gene pool which is conveniently handwaved). Perhaps some people long ago were really into the stones and minerals story in the Hundred Stories and started naming their kids after them, since many minerals are described as beautiful or strong and tough.

The ropes...hmm. Many of the villagers wear them around the neck, or if not that then around the waist, plus some in the hair. Plus Kohaku apparently has a hairtie that’s separate from her hair rope, which means they’re accessories rather than anything practical. There’s not a real difference in the way ropes are worn according to gender or age either. Sagara getting a rope collar to symbolize being a part of the village might hint that it does mean something to them though? Perhaps when a new child is old enough that it won’t be a choking hazard they’re given their rope to symbolize being officially recognized as a citizen? As for Senku I guess Boichi just didn’t feel like adding more to his design, but I could see him tying one around his waist if he had one.

As far as clothing goes there’s also the stone shoes and blue/green colors in clothing, though Magma has a black outfit and Ruri’s is purple. It seems like it’d be pretty labor intensive to find plants and create all those richly colored dyes though. (also handwaved, but they gotta come from somewhere and I don’t know what would be available in southern Japan 3700 years in the future). It seems weird to me that Kaseki was sort of an outcast for enjoying craftsmanship as a kid - after all, crafting is one of the most valuable skills in a society and there had to have been craftsmen before him.

Evidently there’s no fabric since Yuzuriha had to explain what a loom was. Still, you could do a lot of artistic things with leatherwork. And agreed, I believe painting is a thing, perhaps there’s illustrations to go with the 100 Stories?

We do know that the villagers have a strong tie with water and fishing, and use single outrigger boats for fishing. It would make sense then that the ocean would have particular significance to them - perhaps they might even personify it or treat it as something to be respected. Fish is the main food, but culinary traditions could also rise from the forageables around the village, nuts and berries and the like.

They have a holiday called Stone Day on Senku’s birthday (aww Byakuya), though we don’t know how that’s celebrated. Though it does mean that the modern Gregorian calendar was preserved, so there has to be some kind of timekeeping being done, perhaps with a sundial structure like Stonehenge? Or some sort of drawn calendar with symbols even. They also have a tradition of watching the sunrise on the first day of a new year.

[miceenscene]

What was your writing process with the first SoPDoE story? For example, did you have a general concept for the story outlined ahead of writing it, or did you write first and see where it took you? Or maybe your process was totally different--I'd love to know any of your experience and process that you're willing to share!

Did you learn anything while writing it that may help other writers in terms of writing a longfic, improving craft, etc?

I'm going to go ahead and put this beneath a cut because I can already tell it's going to be long. :P also SoPDoE spoiler warning?

SoPDoE began as a spite fic. I read (well, started reading) a different shakarian arranged marriage au and found myself frustrated that the plot wasn't being handled the way I wanted it to be--which is really the best way to begin a story because it means you have an Opinion. The first chapter just sprang forth fully formed [their parallel "Absolutely Not" answers and Garrus' "With all due respect, what the fuck?" and Shepard just verbally bitch-slapping in their first interaction]. And then major pathways became clear very quickly. I knew that the Council was going to break them up quite early on in the writing. I knew that Galena dying would be a major catalyst to push them together. But some things came later, like the whole Garrus starting a Pier Earth Imports for Shepard plot-line came. And a whole slew of kissing scenes had to be removed/reworded because their relationship arc wasn't making sense for the drama I wanted in act III. (I did save those scenes, btw. they're in a doc called Kissing Graveyard XD)

There's this concept you've probably already come across of plotters vs. pant-sers. Aka writers who plot out their whole stories before beginning writing and writers who just jump into the story without anything planned more than the next sentence. If I had to pick, I'm definitely in the plotters, but realistically, I'm in both. I like knowing where the general flow of the story is going, even if I'm not sure how to get there or what getting there will actually look like. For SoPDoE, I always knew that Garrus & Shepard would finish the story Together, but the exact details of Together changed over time as the story progressed. (At one point Garrus & Shep were duo spectres, till I realized that would make no sense for a turian who just turned his back on the whole Hierarchy.) And that's really the best way to do things, at least in my opinion. You have your heading so you have momentum, but you also aren't so driven that you can't stop and smell the roses along the journey.

I think the biggest thing that SoPDoE taught me was how much work goes into writing a whole-ass novel. Knowing that makes me feel better about starting wip's that I eventually abandon, because I know that the idea wasn't worth the effort. It's a good way to grant myself permission to move on and find the next idea that actually Is worth the effort.

The other thing SoPDoE taught me was how to keep myself engaged in a story. People write for all different reasons and when I began I don't think I knew what mine was. I know now. SoPDoE was catharsis for me. Garrus was my self-insert in this fic, especially through the Galena plot line as I am also losing a parent to a long drawn-out terminal illness that will one day take a sudden turn for the end. This is what they mean when they say Write What You Know. But besides catharsis, SoPDoE and all of my writing really are performance. I love having an audience beyond just my wonderful readers. I have a close circle of friends who see my stuff before anyone else does. I trust their opinion, their critique; I strive to surprise them, to delight them, to make them bust into my DM's in a frothing rage. They've taught me so much about writing, and they are who I write for when I can't write for myself. If you can figure out what type of carrot will keep you plodding along the path of writing, you'll be leagues ahead of so many.

As far as improving craft, the best advice I can give is to write. You gotta write. Better to write a full page of utter garbage than to not write anything at all. Even the garbage will teach you something.

[nootnewt]

Hello! If you're still accepting headcanon requests, could you please write some headcanons about Bofur, Fili and Kili falling in love with a tomboy, or generally more masculine/androgynous Human woman? And like she's come to live in Erebor (in a Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies AU) to learn blacksmithing and crafting and they're just amazed because they've always heard of Human Women acting all feminine and stuff, but here's one dressing like a man and not caring about femininity? Thanks so much!

I can certainly give it a shot! I’ve never had a request like this so forgive me if it’s not the best! <3 If you would like headcanons, drabbles, or one shots for any characters as well, ask away! Requests are open!

Bofur:

-Out of the company, Bofur is easily the most accepting of the revelation that you are not like the atypical women that they have come across or heard of. In fact, he’s rather intrigued that you don’t adorn a gown or a slip as most women do, nor do you turn down tasks that the men would usually do.

-He does not hesitate to strike up conversations about craftsmanship or smithing with you once he hears that you are interested in such and he often tells the tales of the things made in Erebor. He likes seeing such bright expressions on your face. It also helps that there is a common interest between you.

-At one point, Bofur offers to teach you how to whittle small crafts out of wood as it is a good start for craftsmanship. He often uses these ‘lessons’ as an excuse to get to know more about you.

-You can bet Bofur would be incredibly thrilled to hear you intend to stay in Erebor and he is the absolute first to offer to mentor you in crafting and blacksmith--even if he may not be the best suited for it.

-Bofur is well aware that he is whipped (in love) and though he is often not one to hold his tongue, when it comes to confessing or showing his affections, he gets rather shy and tongue-twisted.

-The lessons in crafting and smithing are well worth it though, as he gets to spend more time with you and thus garners the courage to share his affections.

-His first gift to you is a scarf much like his own that he personally knit and crafted in colors similar to that of his own, but meshed with colors that suited you as well. It is shortly after that he asks to court you.

Kili:

-Like Bofur, Kili is incredibly accepting of who you are and he quite likes that he doesn’t have to feel like he’s stepping on toes or bothering you by his very extrovert and unyielding personality.

-You make him feel like he can be himself. That’s one of the very first things he realizes he likes about you; you are uncaring of what others think and are just yourself.

-He’s not as much of a craftsman as his kin are as he’s more of a warrior than anything, but he does know the basics. He likes to show off to you by nocking and fletching arrows for his bow--which he proudly announces to you that he crafted himself.

-Kili, often impressed by your skills and willingness to learn, is always eager to express such. He could just be in passing and he’d find some way to slip in a praise.

-He knows that smithing can be a bit hazardous without the right attire, especially for a human, so you can bet he offers up his own clothes until you can have some of your own made (he’s also very into you and has no complaints in letting you borrow his own clothes, even if it’s just a tunic). He likes it.

-Kili is really not shy at all, so it probably doesn’t come as a surprise when he confesses his affections and asks to court you. He’s never met anyone like you and he doesn’t want to lose you.

Fili:

-It is not secret that women are incredibly scarce in the dwarf race, so they are very well protected and looked after--kept a secret even. Fili, heir to the throne of Erebor, while still respectful, sometimes struggles to separate tradition from you.

-Often, he’ll insist on helping you do something even if you don’t need it because he’s been raised that way. He means well, really.

-It takes a little while for him to put traditions aside (and rewire his brain), but once he really gets to know you, he finds that he likes that your not some simple maiden and he’s actually quite interested in what you aspire to do in Erebor.

-Hearing that you intend to take up craftsmanship or smithing, Fili is all about it. Most of his favored weapons were crafted and forged by himself and he even offers to show you how to make your own if it’s ever an interest of yours.

-Fili would also try and convince you to spar with him with said weapons because he’s a warrior and like crafting is of interest to you, fighting is of interest to him. He also likes that it gives him a reason to spend more time with you and also not have to worry about offending your honor. (Other dwarves don’t think it is right of him to spar a woman)

-Fili would most definitely confess his attraction while forging weapons or sparring in a passing comment or something nonchalant. He would present you with a well-crafted dagger that he made himself and ask to court you.

I hope this is alright for a first! I had a super busy week and I’ve been working on this late at night to try and get it out so hopefully it’s to your liking! I love these three so much so I was nervous I wouldn’t do them justice aha

Tag: @washed-up-warlock

[sweetlittlemessenger]

So I made a story based on MBTI's INFP cognitive functions.

---

This story takes place in a girl's human mind, which is more known in this universe as the Psyche Realm. It tells about the Infsman(inferior function), Terratora of the INFP Squad and her encounter of the four additional CFs who mysteriously appeared in their Realm.

---

♡ Sirene's POV

◇ Terratora's POV

The legends displayed above will tell you who's currently telling the story. If a "♡" is displayed, the story is told in Sirene's perspective and if it's a "◇", then it's in Terratora's perspective

Now with that said let's get on with the story!

♡♡♡

Ever since I saw that door I've been wondering what lies behind it, what shadows hide inside...

I was just doing my daily rounds in the Archives of Snow, finishing overviews of my Host's past memories that I hope she would find relief in. I was carrying a stack load of them when my foot bumped into something that would seem to have felt to be some kind of glass object. I looked down to confirm that it was indeed glass, a glass bottle; full of stars.

"Uuuuuugh, Netaaa!!" I groaned in frustration, I swear our Auxman has no sense of organizing whatsoever, not to mention scatter-brained. She has a habit of taking her so-called projects with her while she works and leaves them behind almost everywhere. I attempted to pick it up when I forgot that I was carrying a stack of memories, making me lost my balance and the pages and books of memories flew and scattered everywhere. One of the memory books glided towards the bottle, making it roll away.

"Hey, come back!" I shouted, not bothering to clean up the scattered memories and proceeded to chase the runaway joke-of-a-craft down the long ass aisle. The bottle's straight-line escape came to a close when it reached the very back of the entire Archives. Finally, I picked up the bottle and looked up. After a quick observation I realized that I have found a door. It was a purplish black color with jet black elegant iron frames. Strange... I have walked the Archives' floors several times and never have I seen a door like this. Filled with curiosity, my hand reached for the door's handle only to be halted by a shout.

"My Tertsman!" a voice called, I turned around to see my Infsman, Terratora running towards me.

"Terra?" I asked, "what are you doing here?"

"I was suppose to inform you about the recently finished tasks, but it seems you have found... their door. You musn't go in there my Tertsman. "

Terratora caught my attention on her emphasis on the word 'their'

"What do you mean 'their?'" I asked

"Behind this door..." she paused for a long second, as if she hesitated to answer, "lies four unannounced Neuronites, if they are even considered one"

This left me pondering and confused, "Four more Neuronites... how? There are already four members in our squad, how could there be four more?"

Terratora didn't answer, but rather, she looked down stayed silent

I continued to ask here more questions "And more importantly, when and how was there a door here?"

She sighed, "I think it's time... that I told to you about the Shadow Squad."

◇◇◇

It was just like any other day. The Domsman guiding the host, the Auxman constantly inventing new inventions (honestly at this point I wonder if her brain ever goes empty), my Tertsman collecting memories, and me, the Infsman, organizing, checking and crossing out finished tasks, that is...if there were. I was currently in the Mental Notes section of the Archives of Snow, doing my daily task when I heard something, or rather... someone.

"Um, excuse me miss." it called, the voice awfully sounding just like the Domsman

'Lady Fi?' I thought, turning around to see if my assumption was correct, it was not. Instead of the pink brown-haired lady in a golden crown-like headband standing before me, was a strawberry blonde woman with bright green eyes wearing a sleeveless dark magenta top with a grecian neckline, dark forest green capri pants embroidered with a pink roses design towards the pant's cuffs, dark purple ankle strap pumps and a translucent pink blazer. What caught my attention were her bright purple Neuro Transmitters.

"Hello there," she waved, " I couldn't help but notice that you're in a little pickle right there, do you need any help?" she said with a smile, though it didn't seem to meet her eyes.

I decided to play along

"Oh, uh... thank you." I answered

The lady then went beside me and spread her arms out, to which I responded by giving her some of the papers I was currently carrying. "Oh how rude of me, I forgot to introduce myself!" she said, "I'm Fenessa, and you are?"

"Terratora." I responded, but didn't bother to make eye contact and continued with my current work, "Infsman of the INFP Squad, I am responsible for organizing the Host's concepts and tasks and as well as checking and marking tasks that are finished."

"Wow, sounds like a tough job!" Fenessa said in amazement, "and you're doing this all by yourself? Where are your other members of your squad, surely there's like a lot you."

"They're..." I hesitated to give her an answer,"in their respective places, doing their respective jobs. There are only four of us, myself included, most of the time we are too preoccupied with our current tasks to help another member."

Why did I hesitate?

"Seriously? Wow that sucks." she commented.

A long moment of silence passed as the two of us continued organizing. I began to ponder on what just happened...

Firryn said that the squad was already at a maximum capacity of four members, and therefore no additional Neuronite was expected to appear.

But why was there another Neuronite?

Where did Fenessa come from?

And why are her Neuro Transmitters purple?

"Soooooo..." Fenessa spoke up, breaking my train of thought, "mind telling me about your Squad, you know, the members, what they do here, what they're like?"

"The squad?" I looked at her for a second then back to the shelves, "Well, there's Firryn the Domsman, she is the leader of the squad and guides our Host in judgement and decision making based on their inner values. Then there's the Auxman, Netalia, she assists the Domsman in her job by helping her stay open minded on certain view points when making judgement. Third is my Tertsman, Sirene, she is in charge of the memory department, mainly to provide relief to the Host, using the memories that the Host hold dear, and lastly is me, the Infsman."

"I see," Fenessa said, as she placed one of the papers to their respective shelves "Judging by how she lets you work all alone here, does she ever acknowledges the efforts you've put into organizing all of these tasks?"

I looked down and thought deeply on what Fenessa said. Lady Fi actually never did once give a glance on how I managed the tasks I was asked to organize.

"No?" Fenessa questioned, "Well that's a shame...Hey! How about I help you by joining your squad?"

My head perked up from the offer, "What?"

"Think of it, us working together in organizing these tasks. It will double the work speed and cut down half the time, oh, and I can also help in contributing on how you guys as a team can work more efficiently and in harmony. So, whaddaya say?" Fenessa reached out her hand with a smile, waiting for me to accept her deal.

The way she looked at me... the way she smiled sent a chill down my axon. Something didn't felt right, it was as if she was trying to manipulate me.

"Thank you, but I have to decline. You see, the squad only allows four members and we have already reached the maximum capacity." I said with a firm tone.

"Aww that's too bad," She said sadly, still smiling

it looked forced

"Oh well, I' ll still be here whenever you need me," she said, putting the last stack of papers on to the shelves, "it was nice meeting you, Terratora. See you around!" she waved and turned around, walking away.

See you around? Wait... is she implying on staying here in the Archives?!

"Wait, you can't just--" and before I knew it, she was out of sight. This was bad, a new Neuronite appeared and was now roaming inside the Archives. It was at that moment, I knew had to report of this event.

The following day, I planned to report this to Sirene, but she was currently preoccupied in digging up "lost" memories that was was found deep in the Archives, so I had no choice but to report to the Auxman. I approached the door of the Auxman's room and knocked a few times.

"Who is it?" a tired voice called from inside the room.

"Terratora, ma'am" I answered.

The door opened to reveal a tired-looking Netalia, and sweet saya she looked like shit, her hair was a mess and she had bags under her eyes. "Ey, Terra! What can I do for you?" she asked

Looking at her current state I asked her with concern "Ma'am, if i may ask, how long have you been wake?"

"Uuuuuuuuh..." the Auxman scratched her head, "36 hours?"

...what do the humans call this significant short period of event again? Ah yes, a "bruh moment." This was definitely a "bruh moment."

"Uh I see..." I muttered as I fixed my posture and went back to the matter at hand, "Well I have something that I must report to you, privately." I firmly informed.

"Oh, sure come in." Netalia said, stepping aside and letting me in her room. Her room was steam-punk themed, giving off a nice afterthought of the 1800's European Industrial Revolution. The walls had real functioning turning copper and gold gears and for the floor was a glossy gold iron-parquet flooring, but there was just one problem. Like her messy appearance, Netalia's room was an absolute mess. Different inventions and papers stacked carelessly in every corner, some papers were scattered across the floor, crumpled. Her work desk was no different. "So," Netalia said, yawning as she sat on her wooden antique chair, leaning forward "what did you want to talk about?"

"There is a new Neuronite that is roaming around the Archives of Snow."

Netalia's expression turned serious, "What?" she asked, her eyes widened a little.

I explained to her of my encounter with Fenessa, explained her appearance and behavior. Netalia began to be in deep thought, trying to process the information she had received. That's when I heard her mutter, "I can't be... Shadow Functions...here?"

"Shadow Functions?" I asked

"Nah, I'm sure you just saw it through a memory book" she said waving her hand, denying my claim of seeing a new Neuronite.

"Ma'am, you are aware of what the Shadow Functions are, right?"

"Yeah, the rumored Neuronites who linger inside a host's pysche realm and cause chaos, but you don't have to worry, it's just a rumor."

"Ma'am, I saw that Neuronite yesterday and interacted with me. If what I saw yesterday was a Shadow Function, there is no doubt that there could be other Shadow Functions roaming around the Psyche Realm as well--"

"First of all, you don't know that," Netalia interrupted, "second, there is no evidence to confirm the existance of the Shadow Functions."

"Ma'am, does my eyewitness testimony not count as an evidence?"

The Auxman thought hard for a moment, "Hm, good point, it does have some credibility, however, because you were the only witness, it does not have enough reliability."

"But ma'am--"

"That's enough Terra," Netalia said in a serious and authoritative voice and stood up from her chair, "this conversation is over."

"Netalia--"

"Terratora, I am warning you--"

"Could you, for once, please listen--"

"ENOUGH WITH THE BULLSHIT TERRA, SHADOW FUNCTIONS DON'T. FUCKING. EXIST!"

I stepped back, staying silent. Netalia gasped, realizing what she had done, she rubbed her temples with her fingers and let out a heavy, tired sigh "I'm sorry...I shouldn't have lashed out on you like that."

"It's ok...I understand" I truly did, Netalia was sleep deprived so it wasn't a surprise she would snap

"Just...don't bring up that topic again ok?"

"Yes ma'am..."

"Good, now if you have nothing else to report, you are dismissed." Netalia said as I walked out of the room.

Great, looks like I'll have to take care of this roaming Neuronite myself.

Not long after that incident, a new Neuronite appeared while I was in the Archives. A redheaded lady with bright green eyes wearing a sun hat, dark bluegreen off shoulder dress decorated with glitter at the hem, and some sandals. She called herself Niema, her choice of words are beyond my understanding, not to mention her unsettling insights of the future. What was most disturbing was how her presence is still felt in Archives from time to time despite not being present in sight.

Fast forward to several days later and another Neuronite appeared. this time by the same of Selly, and just like Niema, she was a redhead with bright green eyes. Her hair was styled into a ponytail, she wore a hazel wood yellow shirt that was tied into a knot, a black wristband on her right wrist, dark mute teal ripped denim shorts, and maroon high-top sneakers with bluish white accents. My encounter with this Neuronite can be summarized into one word: Impulsive. Chasing her across the entire archives, Selly was so fast and hyper that could barely keep up with her. Her curiosity in trying to open certain books of memories without permission gave me a headache.

...

Nothing could have prepared me for the fourth Neuronite. Unlike the previous three, she did nothing but stare at the distance, she was a strawberry blonde with green eyes like Fenessa. Her hair styled into a braid resting on her left shoulder, she wore round glasses with upper half rims framed with icy blue frames, a dark purple hooded shawl with a navy blue short-sleeve sweater underneath, mute blue ripped jeans and maroon sneakers. I did not see her make any movement other than her adjusting her glasses every once in a while. I could sense strong negative energy radiating off of her, the essence very similar to Ti essence.

I had to find out their place of origin, there was no way they just appeared out of thin air. I decided to start with the Archives of Snow, since that's where I found the first Neuronite. I searched every section and corner and found nothing, until I went to the very back of the entire archives. There I saw a door of purplish black color with jet black elegant iron frames. I didn't hesitate to think twice that this was the door they came from, I know this because me and Sirene frequently come to the Archives and never was there a door here.

Following day I requested Netalia to make me a lock. I had to lie to her saying Sirene requested me to get a lock from her, to which Netalia shrugged and gave me the item with two set of keys to go along with it. I rushed back to the Archives to install the lock, but when it came in contact with the handle, it disintegrated...

♡♡♡

"And ever since that day, I've been guarding this door in secret." Terra concluded

"Shadow Functions..." I said shivering at the thought, "I never I'd see the day these Neuronites merging into our Host's Psyche Realm." I looked up at the door and back to Terra, "do you know what lies behind this door?"

Terra shook her head "No, my Tertsman, I have not set foot in whatever is behind the door, not even once."

"I see...why didn't you tell me about this?" I asked her

"I feared that you would give me the same conclusion, since the existance of Shadow Functions is just a rumor." Terra explained, making me remember that Neta snapped at her.

"Terra," I looked at her in the eye, "you know very well that I would never raise my voice at you, so don't ever hesitate to come to me if something is not right, clear?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Good." I nodded

"My Tertsman, if I may ask," Terra spoke up

"Yes?" I replied, giving her permission to speak

"Will you promise me to keep this door a secret?"

This put me in my train of thought, should I really keep this a secret? Not sharing this information with the Domsman or Auxman could get me in trouble, but then again, Firryn is too closeminded to confirm this info and Neta is too preoccupied already with her millions of garbage ideas and concepts, and with that, I nodded my head, "You have my word."

"Thank you," Terra said, relieved "Now, I saw several memories scattered across the floor of aisle 8-20."

"Oh, that. I was carrying a stack of memories, when I ran into this thing." I said showing her the bottle of stars.

"Ah" was all she had to say, understanding what happened while showing a hint of annoyance on her face.

"Since you're here now, mind helping clean up?" I asked

"Of course." Terra complied as we both turned around to walk to the messy aisle

As we walked I turned my head around to look at the door one last time, the door's mysterious appearance led me to so many questions yet to be answered.

Ever since I saw that door I've been wondering what lies behind it, what shadows hide inside...