#important to you than life itself. yeah we're calling them Friends. and they were so right for that

[chiisana-lion]

THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME OF THE ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTFUL MESS AIKATSU ANIME IS . god. i love telling my friends something rly insane abt an anime girl and they'll ask "where are they from" and it'll always be the sparkly girl idol promo anime

ASDJKAJKSGDJKHGDHA RIGHT ITS ALWAYS. the cute sparkly idol anime isnt it (i have watched like two or three maybe) but aikatsu stars specifically absolutely ramps up the drama its soo everything to me. yeah sorry that cute new protagonist? yeah we put her through the horrors. yeah she can sing really really well sometimes even though she's technically behind everyone else in terms of skill at the moment. yeah sorry she collapses and loses her voice afterwards each time. yeah if she keeps this up she might never sing again. sorry again

[caramel1mochi]

One Hazy Winter [Iso x F! Reader] [End]

[ Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 ]

Genre: Angst, fluff ‎ 

Words: 3k ‎ 

Synopsis: One winter before his disappearance, you told your boyfriend Yu about a question you’ve had for so long; one even he could hardly respond to. It took many more hopeless winters for you to finally have your answer.‎ 

Note: Please don't copy or steal my work and pass it off as your own! If you'd like to use one of my headcanons or something, I'd love it if you tagged or asked.

We're done with Iso!! As per the vote, I'm moving on to Yoru once everything's ready. And man is he as painful to write as I remember haha

‎

。+❤ฺ·。❤ฺ·。+❤ฺ· +❤·。❤ฺ·。+❤ฺ·

Spring, present day.

ㅤㅤ

It took you a long while to decide on whether that was one of the worst or best months of your life.

On one hand, you came back with a quarter of the harvest you were supposed to get, and you had to wait for a while until your lemon trees would bear fruit once more. That, and working with only thirteen lemons turned out to be much more difficult than you thought when it comes to baking.

And on the other hand, it was fun attempting to come up with workarounds with Ying. That, and you woke up the next morning with a new sensation that wrapped around you like a clingy lover. And it wasn't anything like the miserable pessimism you hauled around, or like the apathy that…

No, no. It was apathy. 

But a more positive kind of apathy. One that beckoned you to come to terms with many dilemmas in your mind. One of them being that winter was just... winter. A season. And like every other season, it had its ups and downs. It wasn't some omnipresent being out to get you, or whatever.

And quite frankly, this apathy was the best feeling you've ever had in a long... well, in your entire life. You woke up looking forward to the day, with a desire to actually get things going.

And that's exactly what you did.

You spent the past three months selling those plants back in your apartment at that nursery, you made friends with that lady who recommended you do such a thing, and now you were back at Yu’s house to check in on your growing orange trees. Heck, Yu’s neighbours even started greeting you whenever you came by.

They definitely saw you carrying the baskets of fruit and wanted some. Maybe you should use this wealthy neighbourhood to your advantage, you mused.

ㅤ

Ying called you earlier and mentioned discussing the state of her café with you since she had ‘more important matters to get to’. And you didn’t really mind, despite still being a mere barista, but she said she’d discuss the details by afternoon… But the location? Yeah, she promised she’d get back to you on that after she’d decided.

You moved down the short corridor, your eyes taking a moment to adjust to the strong rays that poured through the windows of the doors. The darkness around you did not help ease the pain of such a bright light. But even then, you wrapped your free hand around the handle and forced the door open, allowing the brightness to finally balance itself out.

You noticed something yellow out of the corner of your eye. And you would’ve dismissed it if you hadn’t turned to look at what it was. It was… inside the basket. There was one Meyer lemon, probably from that harvest months ago that the two of you missed. It kind of made sense that you’d forget it. You haven’t really visited this house after that day, not with the ongoing streak of snowstorms. And, you know, Ying’s persistence on keeping you safe.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the buzzing of a nearby mosquito. And immediately, you dropped the watering can and crushed the bug, instantly killing it. Now that you considered it, the one good thing about winter was the lack of annoying insects. That, and the fact it helped plants rejuvenate after a harvest, and that it kept earth’s temperature in check, and… 

No, nevermind. You didn’t want to be warming up to winter. Pun intended.

You moved back towards your growing orange trees and observed their shape for a moment. And like the row of lemon trees right behind them, they looked as otherworldly as they were. The white flowers on it looked even prettier under the sunlight’s strong glare. Much prettier than in the winter, but they both had their charm. Super photogenic.

Just as you grabbed the watering can up from the ground, your phone vibrated with an embarrassingly loud ringtone, and you pulled it out of your pocket only to discover that Ying was calling. At the worst time as well, you thought as you answered and held up the device to your ear.

ㅤ

"Hi."

ㅤ

"Y/N, I've decided!"

ㅤ

Her voice took you by surprise more than the ensemble of loud chirping birds around you.

ㅤ

"Decided?"

ㅤ

"We're going to meet up on the bridge. Do you remember it?"

ㅤ

You kept the phone held up against your ear with your shoulder, grabbing one branch and gently pushing it aside so that the water from your can could reach every crevice of the tree.

ㅤ

"The bridge...?"

ㅤ

"Yes! I was told it looks ethereal in the spring, and it truly does! Ah, and it's closer to the train station than I thought. We can use it as a landmark for when we leave. What do you think?"

ㅤ

You continued watering in silence for a moment. It looks ethereal in the spring? Who the heck told her that?

Whatever, it wasn’t your job to question everything.

ㅤ

"That can work. When do I come by?"

ㅤ

"Actually, I'm already here."

ㅤ

You immediately stopped watering.

ㅤ

"Already? Ying, the least you could've done was give me a heads up."

ㅤ

“I’m sorry, but I have something scheduled for sundown! I’ll see you there, okay? I promise you, it’ll be worth it!”

ㅤ

She closed the call before you could retort.

She was probably going to promote you or straight up just hand you the café. What with how busy she was starting to get and how much she disappeared, it wouldn’t surprise you if it turned out to be actually that. You didn’t really mind taking control of the café, now that you thought about it… Oh, but the idea of dealing with your co-workers’ minute problems sounded like pure torture.

You sighed and continued watering your plants in silence, quickening your pace so that you’d be able to make it to her in time.

ㅤ

ㅤ

It took you a while, but eventually, you made it. And the only guidance you used was the pitter patter of the children’s feet as they ran around and cackled, alongside the melodic chirping of the birds. The bus left a trail of smoke as it sped off, but this one mild inconvenience was immediately drowned out by the sight before you.

Ying was right, the place looked like paradise on Earth now that it was spring.

The waters were crystal clear, the trees were full of life and the grass on the ground vibrated with an enigmatic amount of cheerfulness. Almost like they were harmoniously swaying to a tune you couldn’t hear. Had someone taken a picture of this place, you would’ve convinced yourself it was just editing and that there was no way Earth would look like this.

But it did, you mused as you approached the bridge.

It didn’t take long for you to arrive at a comfortable spot and rest your arms on the warm railing. Thankfully, despite your short height, the railings weren’t too tall and your loose clothes allowed you maximum flexibility to peer through to catch a glimpse of the waters. Short enough for you to be able to comfortably lean on it, but not so short children could fall down.

Your eyes were firmly fixated on the lake. And for the first time in so long, you felt... content.

You still didn't know what your goal in life was. You still didn't know why you should keep going, among many other questions like that. But all you knew was that the path your life headed in... Well, you didn’t want to change anything about it.

What would tomorrow look like? You pondered with a fond smile, holding up the Meyer lemon just above the lake and allowing the sun's light to shine in on it. And it beamed. It beamed with celestial beauty unfathomable to the human mind. 

This was your harvest.

You put down the lemon with an even wider smile and stared at the lake instead, the fish that swam by. Tomorrow sounded amazing, now that you thought about it.

And you looked forward to it.

ㅤ

"Y/N?"

ㅤ

A soft voice promptly came up from behind you. You sighed and stuffed the lemon back into your pockets, before turning around to meet her gaze.

ㅤ

"What took you so long? I thought you were in a hurry–"

ㅤ

The moment you locked gazes with a familiar pair of lilac eyes, your breathing hitched, and time stood still. 

It took a moment to comprehend that this person wasn’t Ying. It wasn’t Ying at all. It was… You felt your heart drop as you rapidly looked the figure up and down.

Broad shoulders, purple eyes, black hair, tall stature…

It was Yu. He stood only a few feet away from you; and he donned a meticulously designed hoodie with collars tall enough to conceal the lower portion of his face. One you had never seen before.

The words were lodged in your throat. Scratch that, no, your mind went completely blank, and the world felt like it started breaking apart.

ㅤ

“Yu…”

ㅤ

"Y/N, I..." He took a step forward, the floorboards audibly creaking under his weight. "I'm so sorry."

ㅤ

His voice had a sombre undertone. Slight and drowned out by the mirth that surrounded the both of you, but it was still telling. It was one that successfully let you know that he drowned in regret, all without saying a single word.

And yet, you still weren't sure how to feel about this. Sad? Happy? Furious? The second option was the most obvious one in your mind, but for the love of God, you just couldn’t form a single thought in your head. Heck, you couldn’t even comprehend the situation in general. All you knew was that Yu was here. And that was… No, wrong wasn’t the word.

His hand gently clasped your shoulder, and a familiar warmth landed alongside it.

ㅤ

"I'm sorry it took so long, but I- I was caught up in so many things, and it all just..."

ㅤ

He then pulled you into a hug. Your cheek slammed against his chest, the impact only cushioned by his thick hoodie.

ㅤ

"I missed you."

ㅤ

You didn't react.

For a few seconds, you stood there with a stiff posture as you stared into space, unsure whether you should return the hug or just stay silent and not do anything. This whole situation felt unreal. It felt like one of those hyper realistic dreams your brain would conjure up whenever it decided it wanted to escape your pitiful life, but that sprinkle of hope always scattered the moment you woke up. But it wasn't. In fact, he stood right there, the familiar scent of lemons taking over your nostrils on account of how close he was.

Yu was here… He was present. He came back.

Though you shut your eyes as hard as you could, tears still formed against your will, and they were quick to stream down your cheeks.

ㅤ

"Where..." you started, "Where were you...?"

ㅤ

You weakly pulled away, but Yu still kept you in his grip. And you immediately took this chance to observe him all over again despite your incredibly blurry vision. It was as if those years had never passed given his features. He still had that same enchanting face, and those pretty lilac eyes that always tore away at your stress with just one glance.

ㅤ

"After all this time..."

ㅤ

You held his cheek and caressed it. His pale skin yielded under your touch, and the palm of your hand outlined the sharp structure of his jaw. The softness of his skin, the flicker of vulnerability in his eyes juxtaposed to his stony expression… All of it was all so familiar.

ㅤ

"Why did you leave me, Yu?"

ㅤ

"I'm– I'm sorry, Y/N. It wasn't my choice. If I could take it all back, I would–"

ㅤ

"Why did you leave me?!"

ㅤ

You burst into tears and clutched his hoodie, burying your head in his chest.

ㅤ

"I thought you were dead! I– I thought that– I thought... I thought I lost you...!"

ㅤ

Out of pure instinct, Yu was quick to bring you closer and tightly hold you in his arms.

ㅤ

"I'm here, I'm here, okay? Nobody's dead."

ㅤ

"I thought you died, Yu! I thought you were dead, I– thought you were..."

ㅤ

Your sobs and nonsensical babbles continued. It was all the same repetitive questions about his well being, and more specifically, how you thought he was dead. Each sentence you managed to complete felt like another blade plunging his heart, only further drowning him in guilt.

And unfortunately for him, the only thing Yu knew to do in this situation was hold you and gently caress your back.

ㅤ

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I– I should've explained it all from the beginning. But I... didn't want to lose you if I ever did."

ㅤ

He knew how stupidly soft you made him. How he'd stutter when speaking to you, and how wide his smile had gotten when you two first hugged, your arms squishing his thick white hoodie just to reach his form. The same hoodie he spent hours washing blood off of the night before.

Maybe he should've told you.

ㅤ

"I thought you were dead, I– I thought... that gun, you–"

ㅤ

Though you followed these loosely strung sentences with a curse, one specific word successfully pierced his bubble.

ㅤ

"Gun? What gun?"

ㅤ

This question seemed to bring you back as well. You pulled away, and just the sight of your red cheeks and shimmering eyes, aching with raw emotion, all of it was enough for him to understand how much this impacted you.

ㅤ

"I saw that gun. N– next to that medallion." You furrowed your brow, the sun sharply highlighting your tear-stricken face. "Is that it? Are you in a gang, Yu? Is that what you couldn't tell me?!"

ㅤ

"No! I– I wasn't in a gang, Y/N. It's..."

ㅤ

Yu's gaze fell. Unintentionally, he instead eyed your trembling hands.

He couldn’t hide this anymore, could he?

ㅤ

"I– I'm... Look, as unbelievable as this sounds, I– I was a… I was a hitman."

ㅤ

"...You were what? A hitman?!"

ㅤ

"Yeah. I… That’s the truth."

ㅤ

You narrowed your eyes. It really was unbelievable. How could someone like him be capable of killing someone? No, not someone, but people? And for a job?! You would’ve labelled him a liar if it weren’t for that blasted gun.

Then, a name popped up in your mind, one that seemed to support this idea.

ㅤ

"Iso...?"

ㅤ

He went blank for a moment.

ㅤ

"...That's, uh, no, that's a code name. I switched to a profession less... suffocating. That's what they call me now."

ㅤ

"Ying was in on this?"

ㅤ

Yu's face blanched. But quickly, he held your hand and firmly kept it in your grip.

ㅤ

"She was my only way of knowing you were alive! There wasn't any– Y/N, look, none of this should've happened, I know I should've been honest from the beginning, but I didn't want you to leave if I ever told you!” His eyes darted elsewhere. “Ying wasn’t happy when she found out, but I–"

ㅤ

"I’m not like her! I never would've gone anywhere! You could've been the devil and I still would've stayed because I wouldn’t have kept going if you weren’t there!” You furrowed your brow. ”But that's not the case anymore. I still love you, but I know what I deserve, Yu. I know I deserve a relationship that isn't... one-sided..."

ㅤ

You suddenly choked on your words. Yet, he was quick to respond when he could.

ㅤ

"But we can have that, Y/N! We can start anew, no more secrets. Nothing between us, okay? Nothing but the truth. Just, please..." he squeezed your trembling hand, "give me one more chance. I promise I'll make you the happiest woman on Earth."

ㅤ

Tears began to flow once more, tracing the same path as the ones that had dried out mere seconds ago.

For a moment, your eyes slammed shut, and you used this pause to both catch your breath and comprehend the situation. It was hard to make a decision. Sure, you were unbelievably mad at everything. At Ying, at Yu, at the world, and especially those people who held Yu hostage, if his words were to be believed.

But, Hitman…? It sounded so unbelievable. Yu was just way too kind and pacifistic to commit murder. It sounded impossible.

Almost mechanically, You rested your head on his chest, lying limp as he wrapped his arms around you. The lack of aversion on your side registered as permission for him to hold you. Not that he still didn't remain incredibly cautious.

ㅤ

"Happiest woman on Earth..." 

ㅤ

You muttered ponderously to yourself. You were already happy. But you knew you’d be happier with him. Even after everything that happened, you missed having him by your side again. You missed his curious little questions about things you considered mundane, and that endearing look of realisation as you explained it to him…

Then, a smile lifted your lips.

ㅤ

"I missed you, Yu." You hugged him back. "From now on, you’ll be honest with me. About everything."

ㅤ

Being this close to him, you felt the jump in his palpitations as he registered these words.

ㅤ

"I will! I will. I promise."

ㅤ

You closed your eyes, allowing the familiar scent of lemons to enter your nostrils and put your mind at ease once more. The two of you stayed like this for a second. It felt like this embrace’s sole purpose was to make up for how much you two missed each other. Of course, he knew he would’ve lost a bit of his sanity had he not known about your whereabouts, but he also knew that saying that probably… Maybe it’s best to keep quiet. Thank God for Ying’s updates…

Then, his eyes shot open at the mention of the healer.

ㅤ

“Hey, let’s go home. I have so much to tell you.”

ㅤ

You pulled away and wiped your cheek once more, noticing the eagerness etched on his features. You nodded.

ㅤ

“I’d like that.”

ㅤ

With that, he held your hand and helped you stand up, and the two of you began walking away from the bridge. His thumb promptly began tracing the lines on your palm all on its own. And of course, you couldn’t help but wistfully smile at this familiar

Despite everything, you couldn’t truly hate this man, no matter how much you knew you had to. You just wanted to know how this gentle giant was supposedly a hitman.

You rested your head on his shoulder as you moved.

[into-crazy]

Derry’s Secret Pt. 1

Pennywise x Female Reader series

Important !! For all my Joker followers !! If you do not wish to come across any of my or reblogged Pennywise content, then please feel free to block the 'penny posted' tag. Thank you♡

This first part of this series will involve a child since we're dealing with a child eating clown, and they are only interactions. The setting takes place in Derry in the year of 2016 and so forth. I've written this from a young woman’s perspective as I’m in my early twenties, so I wrote it accordingly. Though you’re more than welcome to perceive it as your own age and such.

Warnings- mature language, violence, Pennywise attacks a child, dark themes, ages 18+

Future parts can be found RIGHT HERE and through the "Derry's Secret" tag🎈

You have lived in Derry for a little over 6 months. Which was enough time for you to get settled into your current home and job. You also didn't have to worry about being completely alone- as your good friend, Gabby, had already resided here a few months prior to your move. She was the one that persuaded you to move here, since she knew you needed a change in your life. And with a small town like Derry, it was perfect. It's got a timeless feel to it, the weather is usually nice, and it's secluded from the rest of the buzzing world. Though despite the town's bad reputation, you've never seemed to have any issues or problems.

Seated in a local café, you're having a drink with your friend and her boyfriend Brian. Mind drifting deep into various thoughts as you stare down at your beverage. Starting to wonder how your life has changed since you've been here.

"Y/n!" Gabby's voice breaks through your subconscious mind. "Hey, you good?" She waves her hand in front of your face from across the table.

"Huh.. " You blink back into reality. "Oh yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking about how stressful it's been at the call center lately." You lightly groan as you rub the right side of your temple.

She laughs. "I could see that. You were really staring down hard there."

"Yeah, I've had a lot of calls this week. And the majority of them involved unhappy customers that weren't very pleasant. It's a little overwhelming, but nothing I couldn't handle."

She shrugs, "it was a tough week. But hey, you got through it. Try not to stress about it too much."

Truth be told you were pretty much used to the busy work time. Working as a customer service representative for a credit card company, it was always teeming with phone calls. Often times with many of these calls you have to deal with rude customers. Luckily the work itself wasn't hard enough to have much of an impact. The work's pretty simple and the pay is good, so there isn't much more for you to complain about.

"I know. Luckily I've got you, and my nice little replenishment right here." You joke taking a sip of your drink.

"Amen to that, uh!" Brian chimes in, kissing his girlfriend on the cheek.

She playfully shoves him away. "Yeah, yeah," she continues, "so hey, about that place you're renting.."

You steadily raise a brow, already knowing where this conversation is heading.

"Oh come on!" She pleads. "You're still welcome to move in with me if you'd like. My place is very spacious and you would pay less rent. Think about all the stuff you could buy with all that extra money."

Shaking your head, you laugh, "not this again. No thanks, Gabby. I'm content with having my own living space."

She pouts at your response, seeing that you've rejected her offer more than a dozen times. "Alright then, fine. I respect your decision and I give up on asking. Just know that you are welcome to at anytime."

Could she really be done trying to persuade you? Well about damn time. If there's one thing Gabby can be, it's stubborn to the max. But you love her for that. Plus, it's not that you would hate to be her roommate. You just need to have your own space because you value your privacy.

Brian sees the opportunity and speaks up, "well, since it's a firm no from her, then maybe we could get a place together hun." He winks at her before laughing with you.

"Oh sure, you'd love that huh?" She tells him with a puckish smile. "I can barely stand you enough as is."

You nearly choke on your drink from laughing at her comment. Their playful banter is always amusing to you.

He puts his arm around her. "Ah, you love me."

"Bet your lucky ass I do." She mocks at him, then refocuses her attention towards you. "Speaking of living spaces, we still having movie night over at your place?"

You nod, "yeah, of course. Bring a horror movie. I'm in the mood for something scary tonight."

She sips her drink and tries to think of a movie. "Something scary.. hm, alright I got a few."

Brian scoffs, "Gabs trying to get you to move out, yet she still wants to stay the night at your place."

"Hey-" she objects, "my place is a mess right now! Plus, my neighbors upstairs are always too loud."

And yet, here she was trying to convince you to move in with her. The last time you stayed the night at her apartment, the couple that live directly above her had gotten into a huge argument. Voices were raised and doors were slammed. Fighting so loud that the whole complex could hear all of the details as they practically advertised their business. Now, it probably wouldn't have been such a big deal had it not been 2 o'clock in the morning..

You check the time on your phone, it's nearly 3 pm. Which means it's time to get a move on your Saturday errands. A little late, that is.

"Alright guys, I'm gonna head out." You stand up gathering your belongings.

"Okay miss scary," Gabby replies as you give her a quick hug. "I'll see you at your place later."

"See you later. Bye Brian." You wave them both before leaving the coffeehouse.

~~

Roughly a couple hours later, you're making your way home. Grocery tote in hand, casually walking on the sidewalk. Most of the houses here are quite worn and spaced farther apart. In fact, most of Derry is still pretty old. Of course, the stores and businesses here are kept up to date when it comes to their products and technology. But as far as the architecture of the buildings, apparently not much has changed. Along with new additions added recently, so the town is a good mix of modern and old-fashioned. It's a taste you could quite appreciate.

Concentrated on your phone, a bold colored object comes into your side view. Looking up, you spy a red balloon floating down the street past you. It's just.. hovering by. Not even ascending up or coming down. Like it's strictly following a horizontal path.

Well that's quite odd.

Suddenly, the balloon bursts with a loud pop at the sound of a sharp scream.

"Shit!" You blurt out clutching your chest.

Quickly, you search in the direction from which the sound came. A few yards off to the left, you spot what looks to be a little girl by a storm drain. Thrown back with her feet to the opening, frantically kicking while calling for help.

Without any hesitation, you dart over in that direction as fast as you could.

"HELP! SOMEONE PLEASE H-HELP!" She pleads trying to get away from the drain, it seems like she's being tugged in. "HELP!"

Nearing her, you drop your tote and bag on the ground. "Hey! Are you oka-" your words of aid are immediately cut off by the view before you. There is a large, clawed arm reaching out of the opening. It's latched onto the child's foot and trying to drag her into the drain. "Oh my god!" You plead, taking ahold of the girl's hand which she reaches out to you.

You manage to keep her from being pulled any further, but the sharp claw won't let her go. Gripped tightly around her ankle, it wasn't like anything you'd ever seen before. Long and beastly. Like something straight from a horror film.

"NO, NO, NOO!" Broken cries pour from her lips as she thrashes her legs.

"Let her go!" You demand the faceless attacker while struggling to break her free. A deep growl came from inside, responding to your presence. "What the hell-" you gasp. That noise, it was so inhuman. Growing desperate, you grab onto the appendage, trying to release it's iron grip. "I SAID LET HER GO!"

Finally it gave, deciding to release her foot. The sudden force sends you flying back with the child. Landing hard on your backside as she buries her face into your shoulder and clings to you. You secure her tightly into your arms and stand, looking back into the opening.

It's completely dark, aside from the piercing red eyes staring right back at you! An angry gaze burning through your own. Your hold on the young girl tightens, eyes widening in horror. Even though you are in a shocked state, you stand your ground and stare right back. Then, a high pitched chuckle vibrates within the drain. Echoing through before fading out along with the fiery orbs. Once it's gone, you try to process what you'd just seen.

"I've got you, there there." You comfort the frightened child, and probably even yourself. "It's okay. I got you."

What the fuck was that thing?

You pace a couple feet away from the sight before attempting to put her down. But she doesn't want to let you go, only hugging you tighter while shaking her head and muttering a bunch a trembling no's. Eventually, with a few comforting pats, her hold eases and you carefully set her down. She's still shaking, the poor girl. "Hey, it's alright. You're safe. It's gone now." You reassure her as you wipe away her tear streams.

"No, no-" she weeps, "he's gonna get me!"

He?

You attempt to calm her. "No one is going to hurt you. They're gone." Gently taking ahold of her trembling hands, you wait for her breathing to slow down. "No one. Understand?"

She sniffles, glancing back towards the drain. "O-okay."

Not convinced with her answer, you turn her back, "you sure?" She nods her head, a little more certain this time. "Good. Now let me take a look at that foot." Leaning down, you examine her ankle. There are scratch marks and some light bruising from where it gripped on. Her sparkly princess sneaker is shredded up, just barley walkable. "Does it hurt?"

"A little bit."

"Would you like me to walk you home?" You offer gathering your items from the ground. Why even ask? After what had just happened, there's no way you'd let her go by herself.

"Yes please," she replies softly.

"Alright, lead the way." She takes ahold of your hand and escorts you along. "So.. what's your name?" You ask walking alongside her.

"Kimberly."

"Nice to meet you Kimberly, my name is y/n. How old are you?"

"Seven. I'm in second grade." She says proudly, holding up two fingers.

"Wow, second grade? Super cool! You know you're very brave." She stays silent, gazing down on the concrete. Whatever that thing was back there scared her really bad. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She shakes her head no. She winces, and there’s a slight limp with every step she takes on her injured leg.

"That's okay. You don't have to." You assure, avoid wanting to further upset her. At the same time, you're curious as to what she saw down there. Whatever it was, it could not have been human. Especially with those glowing eyes and monstrous claws. Unless it was a person in a very realistic and convincing costume. But then what about the bizarre sounds they made?

"He was a clown." Kimberly breaks the silence.

"A clown?"

She nods.

"What did he look like?"

"Scary," she thinks, "he was big. Tall and fluffy. I thought he was my f-friend."

"Why did you think he was your friend?"

"Because he wasn't scary at first. He was funny and nice to me. I think his name was.. Very Wise? He said he would give me popcorn and take me to the circus. My mommy tells me not to follow strangers, I told him no."

There wasn't a circus in Derry that you knew of. However telling by the utter confusion in her recollection, and with how she seemed so certain, you realize she must be telling the truth. To her own knowledge, anyway. 

Having stopped there, it wasn't hard for you to guess what had happened next. "And then he grabbed you?"

She pouts, "mhm, I-I think he wanted to eat me."

The whole thing made you sick to your stomach. Not even wanting to imagine what would have happened to this poor, sweet girl if you hadn't been walking by. It also was crazy how no one else had heard her cries for help. The commotion was loud enough to draw attention from the nearby houses, and yet it didn't. No one came out to help, heck nobody even came out afterwards to check or see if everything was alright. It made you a little angry, but alas you bit down on your tongue before continuing the conversation with Kimberly.

"Let me tell you, I love clowns. But he doesn't sound like the kind of clown that I would like."

"You wouldn't," she agrees. "You're really nice."

"Well Kimberly, I don't think that Very Wise will be bothering you any time soon." You recite coming up to her house. Moments after knocking, a woman you assumed to be her mother answers the door.

The woman gasps, "Kimberly! What happened!?" She embraces her daughter, looking to you both for an immediate answer.

"She was attacked by something in the drain," you explain. "I'm sorry, I didn't get a good look at what it was before it fled."

"It's true mommy! She helped me get away from the clown I told you about." Kimberly claims, throwing you off guard.

Wait, she's seen it more than once!?

Her mother quickly quiets her down, "Oh, you and your imagination. It looks like you were attacked by an animal. Must have been a dog from the looks of it. But thank goodness you're okay. I told you not to go out and play too far, didn't I?" Kimberly frowns at her mother's words of disbelief. "And thank you for bringing her home safe, dear." The woman praises you before turning back to the her daughter. "Sweetheart, thank the nice young lady and come inside."

"Thank you y/n," the girl smiles giving you a hug.

"No need, I'm just glad you're safe. Good night." You call before they head inside.

You're still puzzled with the idea that Kimberly has previously encountered the clown being before. It's even more strange how she's warned her mother, yet the woman seemed to have brushed it off as nothing! Especially after an apparent attack like such. It doesn't feel right. What kind of a mother would ignore something like that?

Sighing deeply, you're just glad that it is over with. Letting it go as you head home. Have you got an insane story to tell Gabby later.

End of Part 1.

[banavalope]

Really apropos of nothing - from your perspective, anyway - but I do wish it were. Easier? Less open for exploitation? For artists to be able to explore the concept of shared / collaborative universes more often in the pursuit of creating original art.

(more discussion of topic under cut in the event no one cares lol)

I'll note first that I'm having a different conversation here than the ad nauseam one about an artist's right to own and profit off their intellectual property. We do not disagree on this point, I am staunchly in favor, always, of independent artists staking claim on what is theirs and protecting themselves with ownership and copyright. What I'm against is corporate abuse of this protection, because literally what do they need it for, they are billionaires. Eat my ass, my life has only been made worse learning that Disney tried to fucking copyright the names Thor and Loki. So, let's digress.

I'm coming at this from a background of having grown up on adoptables RPG forums circa Gaiaonline, it was a large portion of my internet community life; the concept of an adoptables RPG is tangentially related to shared universes. They have similar DNA: a collection of people all flocking to a concept and, through communal effort, build the canon together. It's non-commital, it's more than just you and some friends creating a story, it's a little like an open RPG except you get to keep whatever you made up if you decide you're jumping ship from Gaia to Deviantart because let's say you got into a weird internet fight once with a 22 year old over a PNG you paid fake money for, and have decided you really just don't need that kind of drama in your life now that you've turned 17.

Where they differ is in the most important aspect of one being open source by permission, and the other by design.

Collaborative works like Orion's Arm, or SCP for a more mainstream example, are fascinating examples of what I mean. The dedication to building open source fictional backdrops anyone can use for anything, for profit or not, that nobody can solely own. Of course, I feel like these examples exist so perfectly because the sci-fi genre has itself always been this way. D&D is also this way. Those are nice points of inspirational reference, but they're only two genres. Very specific genres, at that.

Because you have to sometimes consider, there exist people who want to write, or want to create, who are likely very good at these things, but struggle to come up with an """""original""""" idea within their topic of interest. Maybe their interest is so niche it's impossible to separate it from the original point of inspiration (see: every time someone calls out typing quirks as homestuck derivative) Alternatively are the people good at coming up with a multitude of ideas based on one topic, but no good at stringing them together into some kind of cohesive idea, or maybe just lack the motivation to do it. Not everything has to be a thing, sometimes you just want to share an idea in a way that matters without it being your magnum opus. Yeah, you could post them into the screaming void of the social media abyss, though it's hardly a satisfying compromise.

Imagine the work that could be created if there were genres upon genres of open source worldbuilding projects, and the safety of knowing the idea you're riffing off of hurts no one to use, as being riffed off of is its intended purpose for existing. Nobody owns it! We all agreed to that at the start! Go nuts! Sell it, if you want to!

"You're just describing fandom AU", yes, dear reader, astute observation. Shared universes are, to me, the natural evolution of a fandom. Instead of only joking about how, after a point, an AU is just an original story, or a certain amount of headcanons creates a whole new character, you take that joke to its logical conclusion. Maybe it goes under recognized as the next step up because we're all so focused on making fun of people for it, but to say so risks sounding spicy.

Anyway, I love collaborative storytelling, I love shared universes and open source material, so much so that I want to bake it into my own art projects. I want there to be more free art created and curated by independent artists, ensuring struggling independent artists who can't afford to be free are able to make their living. I want art to be more accessible beyond just access to products. I have exhausted the SCP wiki, and hunger.

[civildisorderstream]

The Wizard Game Fallout

I haven't really mentioned it here, but we're past the point of organizing any sort of boycott over the dumb wizard game that just came out, whether it be an attempt to kneecap the success or just show some solidarity. We're in the phase now where we have to talk about how people reacted to the whole thing. And spoilers, almost everyone scored an F in my book.

I've gone into this on my Twitter account (that's still somehow up) and even moreso on Twitch, but the group of people I'm most disappointed with is streamers. Not because they refused to participate in the boycott - it's how they declined. While there were some mild-mannered attempts to not participate that got met with harassment and resulted in harsher pushback on the part of streamers, there were some streamers who right out the gate were hostile. Because they are adult children, whose need to play a toy and get seen doing it was way more important in their heads than so much as considering what people were asking them to do for like a year prior to the game's launch.

Yes, a year. One of the details people are fucking up in all of this is suggesting the boycott demand "came out of nowhere." No, it didn't - people have been talking about it since the game was announced. If you didn't notice, it's because you don't have trans people in your life or community, or you're just so dedicated to being "apolitical" (which is in itself being political). The demand got louder near release date, because duh, and while some of it was hostile in language a lot of it wasn't.

But that hasn't stopped streamers from regarding it all as being the same. Mild-mannered, "this really hurt, I thought you were on my side" messaging from trans people has been met with streamers putting them in the same category as the dipshits who sent death threats. It's nowhere near the same, and streamers are going for an increasing amount of time not pointing out they recognize that difference and giving positive credit to the people who were advocating for solidarity nicely. There's also streamers ignoring that sockpuppet accounts were making things worse and were meant to turn people against activists, and... sadly it worked. There are people so dedicated to defending their "oshis" that they're adopting right-wing rhetoric when talking about the situation.

So... yeah. Any streamer who says they're a friend to LGBTQ people but is spending their time not helping them, and allowing their communities to get poisoned with right-wing talking points like calling people "woke" - y'all aren't friends to LGBTQ people.

[followerofmercy]

Actually I'm not done. I'm gonna say that I really like the direction the story took regarding Childe and Imma be a lil salty about fandom:

One, the same thing I say every time the Mare Jivaari doesn't show up and the upside down statue of the seven was considered a huge abandoned plothole and any number of things that weren't wrapped up nicely when we expected them to be:

This story is huge and it isn't done. We got Guizhong lore two real life years after she was last relevant. We got a Kaeya hangout at the end of Sumeru. This cast is huge, and some characters get put aside for a while before they get the spotlight again. Some admittedly do get overlooked (Kujou Sara I'm so sorry you deserve better and so did Signora) but, idk, I think the characters are actually really well done. I literally would not continue playing this game otherwise. The suspense of a story that isn't finished is two thirds of the appeal of this kind of game to me, and the other third is that, for the most part, characters are compelling and have novel's worth of story.

I am Childe's no 1 fan and I like to think I'm pretty good at media analysis. I think it was well written for his character specifically given a few things:

It's further evidence that he will hurt himself for his obsessions. He had a group of three homies who legitimately cared about him, and this whale was more important to him than they were. Much like how he didn't say bye to Teucer, he didn't say bye to them. He had Actual Friends, and he abandoned them in favor of his goals - goals that he then spent a month in Foul Legacy form nearly getting himself killed for.

This story is also another example of him getting completely fucked over as a tool/afterthought for other people. Skirk is awful. Childe keeps admiring and loving people that don't care about him. Yes, that did happen. Yes, it's terrible. It's supposed to be. It's the running theme every time he's onscreen and I think his story will eventually culminate in him being his own master. (Also Foçalors and Arlecchino used him this time around too, but he's indifferent to one and actively dislikes the other lmao)

Now, this is huge: he achieved his goal. He got to fight that fucking whale that's been haunting him every since he fell in that goddamn hole. I think we're glossing over how huge that is for him. I think this was the single biggest moment for him as a person. Like, yeah, from an outsider pov this patch kinda sucked for him but I think he just had the literal best moment of his life. He is now free to pursue other things, and I think he's about to have a serious moment where he has to decide whether he wants to keep being Skirk/Pierro/Arlecchino/Tsaritsa/Pulcinella's pawn, or if he wants to be his own man.

In that same vein, people's perception of him has changed. He is no longer "the annoying Harbinger causing problems." He's the HERO OF FONTAINE, and not just that, but the mostly normal human man that fought an interstellar monster for a month, and LIVED. No, he didn't kill it himself, but he's said before that winning a fight isn't the important part. It's the fight itself. He got his hero moment and I think his redemption arc is about to kick off.

That said, I really really really would've rather had an opportunity to say bye to him, check on him, literally anything lol. I think it's fair to be a annoyed that Traveler didn't say anything more than calling him a war buddy, but tbf the country flooded, the onscreen suicide count increased again, etc etc. A lot was going on and honestly, I think antagonizing Skirk would possibly end in Childe getting hurt more than just trusting her to do... something, with him.

I would've rather given his Vision back ourselves but I do think it makes sense to give it to Arlecchino, because Arlecchino is trustworthy now. Family is the only thing that's important to her, and I think she would keep her word for our and the Hearthling's sakes if not for Childe's. I'm holding out that he might be back around sooner rather than later, kinda like how Scaramouche got put in the cellar for a patch or two while he healed before he got to be the other onscreen suicide lmao.

Also. We still don't have an explanation for why his Vision was fucking up. That's not bad writing, IT'S AN INCOMPLETE STORY. I'm hoping it gets answered within two years but I'm confident that it will be answered.

Overall, I think it's totally fair to say "I did not like this," or even "This is not the most effective angle to take," but calling it bad writing and/or cheap is... incorrect lmao

Just finished archon quest. Childe and Skirk commentary:

Good God Skirk is so much worse of a person than I expected. I love her.

Most people I know hate her and I think a lot of it is because one, her design is too vtuber and not enough monster, which, fair, even if I don't 100% agree, and two, we were all kinda hoping for Childe to have his Abyssal Found Family and not the person probably single-handedly responsible for most of the things wrong with him. She is awful. She outright says that the reason Childe thought she wasn't very chatty was because he was too weak for her to bother carrying a conversation with him. A literal teenager.

The yeet wasn't funny. I don't think it was intended to be. She sounded bored the entire time, as if this man didn't just spend a MONTH IN SOUP FIGHTING A WORLD-ENDING MONSTER FROM SPACE with a delusion that's killing him.

Meeting Skirk has given me a whole new respect for Childe. He turned out this well DESPITE her?! He views that as a role model, and his biggest problem is seeing himself as a tool instead of a person?? This kid's incredible.

I'm choosing to view Skirk and Childe's relationship as Mom /neg, not because she's particularly motherly towards him even in a shitty abusive way, but because she was uniquely poised to Fuck Him Up how only a mother can. She's responsible for his life. She's everything he ever wanted to be. He's been chasing her approval ever since he fell in that hole, and he's never gonna get it. This kid needs better friends.

(Though, on the other hand, if Foul is anything like Rhinedottir, Skirk probably comes by it honestly? Skirk's awful but she might actually not be the worst case scenario)

This archon quest has completely changed how I think of both Childe and Furina and I'm losing my mind. This is going up with fullmetal alchemist as some of my alltime favorite media.

[beautifulterriblequeen]

The Thief and the Tinker, Part 3: I See Fire

part 2

Part 3

Viren: Well how do you suggest we get him out?

Claudia: *grins, brandishes marshmallow on toasting fork* Unharmed is just another kind of harmed

Viren: Claudia no

Claudia: Claudia YES

I See Fire

Angst rating: 9/10

Viren is clever enough not to take the Silvergrove on alone, no matter how badly he wants Ethari to make him a magic key. Aaravos could be cooking in that pod for a while longer, but Viren still has a trustworthy and badass ally at his side.

Oh yeah, it's Claudia Time again!

Claudia is a powerful and imaginative dark mage, and she has the tainted Sun staff. So, you're the magefam, and you've made it to Xadia, to the edges of the Moonshadow Forest. And all you need to do to get the power of your dreams is to threaten one soft craftsman. But how do you find one specific Moonshadow elf in a hidden Moonshadow village somewhere in the middle of a giant spooky magical forest?

You burn him out.

Credit once again to@random-fandom-ramble for reminding me of this forest fire headcanon, because it fits so well. and so I don't get all the blame for this one, lol

Because see, that's not ordinary fire. Oh, no. That's dark magic fire. We've seen that before. It leaves permanent scars. Remember Sol Regem's eyes?

That's going to be the landscape when Claudia's fire gets through with the Moonshadow elves' home. Where I live on the US West Coast, they name forest fires, and if they combine, they get called complexes. So maybe we can name this fire the Dark Tragedy Complex? Because I do have to wonder... you could start a dark magic forest fire easily with a tainted Sun staff, but how do you put it out?

Two things are going to happen if these events should unfold. One is angsty. The other is also angsty but then amazing.

Firstly, Viren is going to get what he wants. He'll find Ethari, whose tree burned down :(. He'll show him the coins, and he'll offer a trade. Build what he wants and make it work, and Ethari can have his family back, uncoined and free.

And Ethari will say yes.

He'll say yes no matter what anyone else tries to persuade him to do, and I hope they do try, because see: Ethari has to make it look good. He has to make it look like he's all in on Viren's plan, to Viren. Even if that means turning his back on his people in their time of greatest need.

Secondly, the Moonshadow elves are going to be collectively homeless and bereft, hungry, injured, terrified, angry. They will have nowhere to go. They will be a people without a home. And no one else in Xadia will help them. Maybe they're too terrified to hide Ethari's people in case doing so brings Viren down on them, too. We've seen how ordinary elves flee in terror from dark magic. Maybe they're all fighting other issues, too. Viren knows all about stretching resources too far during times of crisis. Whatever the case, there will be no welcome anywhere in Xadia for the Moonshadow elves of the Moonshadow Forest.

But here's where it gets amazing. Because one hand will reach out. One small hand, from across the border. Good King Ezran will stand up on the seat of his throne and say, "You can stay here. I have forests. You're tired, you're hungry. You need medicine. Let me help."

And I'm gonna cry like a little baby.

How many cycles does this break, how many circles does it complete? Moonshadow elves used to live in Katolis before the border was created. When humans were under threat of total annihilation, the Moonshadow leader's daughter spoke up and asked for mercy. That mercy came in the form of land reassignment, and the Moonshadow elves had to give up their ancestral home, their Nexus, and travel east across the new Border. But that mercy got paired with justice, and the life-loving Moon Druids probably had to swear some kind of blood promise to keep an eye on the humans forevermore, and to kill any individuals who got out of hand, as if their sins were the Moonshadows' responsibility now.

That's got to breed a little resentment, a little superiority. "Look what we sacrificed for you, and this is how you act. Ungrateful." And maybe that was partially Luna Tenebris's goal: to hold to her vision of justice, she had to make the elves who shared her arcanum feel a little resentment. Moonshadows love life, but we can't have them being too soft to keep Xadia safe from dark mages, now, can we? I will never stop cackling over dragon politics okay, never

But the Moonshadow elves never figured on King Ezran. A soft boy who refused to let his father's assassination harden his heart, because every life is genuinely important to him. I've seen headcanons for Ezran getting the Sun, Earth, Ocean, and Stars arcanum. How about Moon, too? Because this is very Ethari of him, and if these stories of Viren's plan and the Moonshadow elves' displacement were actually to happen in tandem, the contrast between Ezran's soft choice and Ethari's hard one would be mindblowing.

Ezran completes the circle by inviting the Moonshadow elves to return to Katolis, to their ancestral home. They left long ago, paying the price for an act of mercy, but they were welcomed back by the mercy of humans, repaid after a thousand years, repaid in the face of tragedy. Tragedy on all sides. Tragedy Ezran wants to stop from happening, by being brave and caring and soft, and by being the first to break this thousand-year cycle between Katolis and the Moonshadow elves.

Rayla is his friend. And these are her people. It won't matter what they've done, only that they need help in a time of great desperation. And of course he'll help them. He's Ezran, and he's Katolis's greatest treasure.

Oh, what's that you say? Inviting the Moonshadow elves to settle in Katolis again would make it easier for Rayla to live with Callum in the future? Oh gosh, how about that? What a deal. *smug matchmaker noises*

And once the Moonshadow elves understand that they're safe and begin to trust Ezran--which could happen very quickly, because saving a Moonshadow elf's life when you didn't need to is a really fast way to prove you're trustworthy--maybe Ezran will be encouraged to take the next step toward peace, and eventually other elves and dragons will come to meet together to talk it over. And Ez will offer them jelly tarts, which they will love.

Back to Ethari, because we're not done with him yet. Ethari is soft, but he isn't weak. He won't be a willing pawn for Viren. He loves Runaan to the point of invention, and his devotion is more constant than the moon itself. He'll agree to do what Viren says, and he'll be Very Sad. But his spirit is in no way broken. Viren bribing him with the coins containing his family will only have the opposite effect. It'll give Ethari something to fight for.

We could get Focused Chaos Ethari. We could get Angery Trickster Ethari. We could get Rules, What Rules? Ethari. Let him try to steal the coins, try to break them, try to kill Viren, and be stymied at every turn, until he settles and seems cowed. And then all he does is craft his way out of the problem. What if we are gifted with Iron Man Ethari, who pretends to build a fake Key for Viren, but meanwhile he's really building a coinbuster with whatever he can get his hands on - primal stones, magically imbued gemstones, stolen artifacts, his own arcanum, his own reputation as the Master Craftsman of the Silvergrove. He'll use almost- almost - anything, to stop Viren and free his family.

Ethari may have to choose between those two things, though. And he's a hero, deep down, just like his family, just like his daughter. If he has to choose, he'll choose to stop Viren and save Xadia. He'll pay the same price as his family has if he must.

He'd let Viren think he was motivated purely by wanting his family back, but Ethari is far too steeped in the illusion and sacrifice for that to be all there is to his motives. It's a so-close-and-yet-so-far thing, how he and Viren almost embody the same ideals. Almost. Ethari would take one look at Viren, who just burnt down his whole Forest, he'd see the biggest threat in Xadia, and he'd say anything to get a chance to stop this juggernaut of destruction from getting his hands on whatever that ultimate power really is, locked behind that missing key. If he has to abandon his people and bawl his eyes out to convince Viren he's in, then he will.

And Viren wouldn't make it easy for him. He knows clever when he sees it. He went through all this trouble to persuade Ethari to work with him. He would need to keep Ethari as off-balance as possible to ensure that he keeps working as he should.

Angsty jewelry, anyone: Viren giving Ethari his husband in pendant form to remind him what he's working for, when Viren and Ethari both know full well that only dark magic can open the hellcoins. Ethari wearing another pendant of his love, except it's not a metaphor this time. It's literally his love, in a coin around his neck.

Viren would know that Ethari would have to stay close to Viren of his own free will if he ever hoped to free Runaan. And making people bind themselves to you is a big power flex. Remember that TDP stream future-season teaser note about Bait being in a creepy restraint in a future season?

This card is written on in all-caps, so that really could be "Bait" or "bait," or--knowing this show--both. Viren's been using Runaan as bait for Ethari all along. Putting his coin in a dark magic pendant casing for Ethari to wear would be a great parallel for that. Oh god. Oh man.

Maybe he'll stab the coin's scary casing right through that circle on Ethari's chest, right over his heart, make that Iron Man reference really obvious. Ethari also losing his shirt at some point, for angsty Viren-related reasons? It's more likely than you think. I mean... Ethari is literally involved in both forms of forging at this point. Shirt's gotta come off for uhhhh work reasons. And because he's hot. Because of all the forging. I mean how else are we finally going to discover what his markings look like

I mentioned that I liked god-tier villains, right? Yeah, this is amazing. I haven't wanted to die and ascend over an idea for quite a while, but Ethari vs Viren in a drawn-out battle of wills would kill me in the best way. Especially since, while it looks like they're essentially fighting for who gets Runaan, they're truly fighting a much larger battle with much higher stakes. They're fighting for the future itself. It's an epic struggle between the Narrative of Strength and the Narrative of Love. And we've seen what happens, over and over, when the Narrative of Strength gets to call the shots.

On a meta note: If Runaan and Ethari's story arc isn't a love letter from one trauma survivor to another, and on a broader scope to all survivors who see it, I don't know what is. Sometimes life just chews us up and spits us out and we can't stop it and it breaks us. But sometimes we can reach out and grasp the chance to help each other, even after that, even when it hurts a lot, because we know what it means to be loved, and to love, and to want a safer future for each other and for people we'll never meet. The future is worth standing together for, helping each other back up for, fighting side by side for, even if you can't see how it'll end, or even how to begin. We are stronger together, and sometimes we need to fight for our "together" before we can fight for anything else. And that's worth it, every time.

This is glorious, it's beautiful, it's tragic, it's amazing, it makes me want to dance, it makes me want to scream into the void, it makes me want to slap someone with a semi truck. No, someone specific, don't worry, and he super deserves it.

Because Ethari is going to win. He was always going to win. He's soft, and he's clever, and he hasn't forgotten what love means. It's what he's fighting for. Not power, not control. Love. He doesn't want to dictate Runaan's future, or anyone else's. He just wants his husband--and everyone else--to have one at all.

So he's going to win.

What beating Viren looks like, I can't guess yet. TDP is no stranger to angst, so there will probably be a high cost involved in thwarting the dark mage. Maybe not everyone can be rescued from the coins. Maybe Ethari will lose his life, or his soul, or his vision, or something else really angsty. Viren could even kill him and resurrect him as a smoky craftsman, or a zombie craftsman, or something equally biddable but horrible. The only thing I'm sure of is that Ethari would never willingly make a working Key of Aaravos Ethari as long as there's a chance Viren could possess it. But I do believe that if he gets the right opportunity while he's busy saving the world from Viren's dark intentions, he'll break his husband's hellcoin open somehow and set him free, even if he has to smile at the devil to do it.

part 4

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

CHOOSE

Alexander “Tig” Trager x Reader

Word Count: 2k

Thanks to my lovely beta reader @chibsytelford 💘

Author comments: First part of Choose. I hope you all enjoy. Gif isn't mine, credits to the author.

Tag list: @starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​@sassymox @whyisgmora @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x ✨ (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

“So, what about (Y/N) and you?” Bobby asks sipping from his beer.

“What about what?”

“Ar'ya alrede' ‘official’”? Chibs adds while Jax, Juice and Happy leans above the table with a naughty smile drawn on their lips, palming the picnic table and making some noise.

“She's just a groupie, man”.

You can't hear Tig chuckling, because of the sound your heart does by breaking itself is louder.

“A groupie?” Jax's voice sounds confused, raising a blonde eyebrow as the palms stops.

“Yeah, you know. She's not one of those bitches that come here to eat us. But she's not my girl either. We just have fun”.

“You just have fun?” Juice asks incredulous, shaking his head just for a moment.

“Yeah, man! I must say I have eaten a lot of pussies, but, shit! Hers is a fucking delight. And she doesn' have any contagious disease, that's an important plus too”.

“If she was my mom, I would pull out your eyes”. The scratchy voice of Happy appears from nowhere, somewhat disappointed. “And I would eat them”.

“What the fuck?”

“Brother, that girl really lose her shit for you”. Bobby says, because it's something pretty obvious. “And you can say whatever you wan', but you're strained to the bone for that sassy girl”.

Tig's laughs flood the main yard, before drinking his beer.

“Man, you call her when we're ridin'. And her house it's the first stop when you come back”. Juice assures placing his forearms over the table.

“Yea', and you also have clothes in her house, and she in yours”. Jax hit the wood with his knuckles, watching the look on his face trying to hide how right they are.

“Oh! And remember that time (Y/N) told us that Tig brought breakfast at bed”. Ratboy palms Happy chest breaking into laughter, joying the talk, sitting by his side.

“We didn't even know you cook, brother”.

“C'mon, shut up!”

“And tha time ya brought ha' flowers”. Chibs points at Tig with pursed lips joking on him.

“Yeah, that was pretty romantic”. Jax continues with the jokes, making him feel angrier.

“I said she's just a fuckin' groupie. We fuck when I want. That's all”. Trager finishes the conversation, upset of their brothers teasing him about you.

Sitting on the sofa under the closest open window to them, you rest an empty beer on your lap. With your eyes on it and an incessant pain growing in your chest, lash after lash, you don't even know who the fuck are you. Then, the last year has been a lie. All those times he said he loved you, they were a lie. All those times he said he missed you, they were a lie. All those times he said you he didn't want a life without you, they were a lie. Like many others. Yes, he never asked you to be his girlfriend, but you didn't know he had to do it to make it ‘official’. You thought it was implicit in the fact that you really look like a couple. Not like Tara and Jax, but somewhat like. And it's confusing look back and seeing all the shit he did for you and all the shit you did for him, only to hear that your a clean pussy to put his cock in whenever he needs it. No feelings. No compromise. No nothing. Just sex.

You take off the black high-heels, holding them by the strips, leaving away the beer. Getting up and putting on well the dress you bought for him, feeling stupid on one of these garments, you walk barefoot towards the exit door at the end of the hallway' dorms. Your car is parked there. Safe from the Sons' of other subsidiaries and their non expected fights just for fun. The only thing you want to do is drive your way back home and hide in your bed of the shame you're feeling, after listening him talking like that about you with his friends.

“Brother, listen”. Jax sits on the nearest stool at the bar. “I lost Tara for fourteen years, don' commit my mistake”.

Tig has another shot, ripping his throat as he cleans his mouth with the back of the left hand.

“I was fuckin' scared of seeing that I was in love with her. We do all this shit that has our families in a continuous danger, but I don' regret about what I feel for my wife”. He defends the point of view he's trying to make him understand. “She's a good girl and you look focused since you met. Think about it”.

The other man doesn't say anything with the blue eyes placed on some bottles in front of him.

“You ok?” Tara's voice pushes you to reality.

You shake your head somewhat confused, raising your gaze towards her.

“I've been standing there for the last five minutes, without you noticing it”. She chuckles, closing the door behind her back to have a sit at the desk, having a quick look of the medical records on it. “Too much work?”

“I wish… It's been a quiet day and I need to distract myself”.

“It's everything okay? Didn' Tig like the dress?”

By the look on your face, putting away your eyes, Tara knows something isn't going well. You leave a heavy sigh, closing your eyes just to contain a wild tear.

“I'm just a… pussy for him”.

“What the hell…? Don't tell that, (Y/N). Maybe he's not the most romantic man on earth, but he loves you”.

“Yes, that what I thought”. Laughing somewhat bittersweet, you put your arms above the table. “Last night I heard him talking with the guys. Telling them I'm just a groupie to fuck when he needs it”.

The woman snorts resting her back on the chair, rubbing her eyes with both hands.

“The only difference between those... bitches he used to fuck and me, it's that I don't have HIV”.

“Maybe he was dru—”.

“I never heard Jax talk about you, as Tig talked about me, when he's drunk”. You reiterate shrugging your shoulders. “He just… told me all that bullshit about love and a family and a future to suck his cock. And I was so fuckin' stupid that I believed him…”

“I'm sorry, sweetheart”.

“Yeah, I'm too”. You answer getting up and taking off the medical gown to hang it on the coat rack. “I'm done with my meetings. Could you tell Marcia I wasn't feeling okay and I went home?”

“Yes, sure. Don't worry about it”.

All his stuff is already on a plastic bag. His clothes, his motorbike' things for when he travels… Everything. It was painful collect them all, with his smell flooding your room while you were keeping them. Placing it over the table in the kitchen, you sit there just waiting for him to come. You didn't call him, but even if he lied to you, you know something about him. So, when he didn't find you last night, he probably went first to the hospital by morning. And proving that you're right, the roar of his engine comes closer as he reaches your house. Crossing the back door in front of you, he takes off the helmet putting inside it the leather gloves and the sunglasses.

“Your boss told me you weren' feeling ok, what's up?” He asks truly worried, or at least seems like. Leaning forward he tries to kiss you, but you pull away your face without any words.

Now he's confused as fuck, getting up finding the bag on the table. Opening it with his forefinger to have a quick look twisting the neck just for a second, the blue eyes go straight you.

“What's that?”

“Your things. I want you to leave”.

“The fuck is wrong with you?” He demands making some gesture with both hands, as you get up of the chair.

“I'm not the one who lied every time I said ‘I love you’!” You push him away when he tries to take a step next to you, with all the pain concentrated on it.

“The fuck does it means? I didn' fuckin' lie to you”.

“Yeah, that's what you tell me in the meantime you tell your friends I'm just a clean pussy!”

“Who told you about that…?” He snorts cross-armed, supporting his waist against the counter.

“Nobody! I fuckin' hear you, Trager!” You scream totally mad, throwing him the plastic bag. “I just… fuckin' thought that someday you really would want to have a family... Shit, I'm so fucking stupid I feel so sorry for myself…”

“Sunshine, list—”.

“Go fuck yourself!” You push him away again, as he tries to grab your wrists, stirring under his grip. “You're a fucking dickhead!”

“Calm fuckin' down and listen!” He shouts at you for first time since you know him. Your heart stop, as your body does. Not because you're afraid, but because it's enough for you.

“I don' wanna see you anymore… Leave me alone”. You almost beg to him, shutting up some sobs stuck in your throat and your gaze away from the man.

He just nods in silence knowing that you are not going to come to your senses right now. So he grabs his things with anger, before throwing your house's keys on the table. Only when he disappear from the kitchen is when you break in tears. You had too much contained in your heart and you can't help but cry louder than never. Sometimes you have had fantasies about living together, having some free days and getting lost on the road, with nobody close to bother you. Sometimes you also have had fantasize of a kid running through your house calling him “daddy”. But it was just that. A year full of lies and a bunch of fantasies.

“What's that?” Bobby asks behinds the bar lifting up an eyebrow.

Tig throws the bag to the nearest wall, furious with himself and the way he has fucked up. His heart is beating fast, having a sit on a stool and grabbing a bottle of whisky to drink from it. There's no music in the clubhouse, just silence, so his guilty becomes louder of what he said. All those words dancing around him once and again.

“Clothes?” Juice asks taking the bag to open it confused.

“(Y/N) heard me last night”. He answers with his eyes getting reddened, trying to hold in the tears.

“I would have rip off your chest with a knife wetted on vinegar and salt”. Happy says without losing sight of the tip of the pool stick. After hit the white one, he raises his eyes towards him. “Later I would have pissed on you. Be thankful she kept your things in a bag”.

Jax looks at the ex-nomad not knowing why he's surprised about his threats. Walking close to Tig, with both hands inside the pockets, he supports a forearm against the bar.

“Now, what?” The president asks, lifting his chin in a simple gesture.

“Now nothing. I already lost her for being a fuckin' asshole. That's all”.

“Yeah, brotha, ya said fuckin' mean thengs bout ha'”. Chibs palms his back a little bit harder, making him spit the whisky in his mouth.

“Even if we were jokin'... Fuck man…” Jax shakes his head sighing, having a quick look of the Sons' faces. “Wan'me to talk with her?”

“No. I will… try to fix it”. He coughs by clearing his throat after the hit, having another sip.

“One year enduring your bullshit…” Bobby clicks his tongue, leaning above the bar. “I thinks it's fuckin' obvious what you should do, Tiggy”.

“Yes”. Juice, Chibs and Jax said in unison.

“That's the only way to fix it. And if you don' think so, then leave her alone”. In moments like that, Tig sees how much Jax looks like his father, with all those advices and wise words. “She's not a warm pussy, she's a woman who didn' care you're mentally fucked and who didn' care about what you do with the club”.

“I know…”

“Then, choose”. Palming the wooden bar, Jax finishes the conversation as if it was a table-business to Samcro.

[jjk-anime-horray]

Meetings and Misfortune

Dazai Osamu x reader x Oda Sakunosuke

Series Summary: While Dazai finally gets over the death of his friend and moves on with his life, he has to watch him unnaturally return into the would, and now he has to watch him turn twisted and into everything he hated in a way.

Chapter Summary: Dazai finally reveals to the agency the situation they are dealing with, but their important meeting is interrupted by a public incident.

Trigger Warnings: Emotional trauma, mentions of extreme violence, mentions of emotional distress, mentions of illegal activities, and strong language.

Previous Chapter: Needed Connections

"Dazai, so you are saying that the usual agency's level of vigilance may not be against your undead associate if they choose to attack us, and the new unknown group radicals I presume." Voiced the president in his authority laced tone after Dazai finished explaining to the agency the new situation they are in.

"Not maybe, will not be, everyone should travel in at least teams of two, the unknown group we do not have any information on, other than the fact that they can raise the dead an control them, whether it's one person with the ability or one person with a necromancy ability and another one with a mind control ability, I have no idea. We do know that we could very possibly see more revived assassins in the coming times until we find the ability user or whatever is resurrecting them."

"Alright, everyone pay attention!" The president doomed, but mostly at Ranpo eating snacks in the corner. "I am going to make it official that everyone stay in a group of two or more at all times for everyone's safety for the time being, the groupings will vary from day to day based on daily assignments, but it's going to be a new rule that you cannot leave the building unless you have a partner with you. Dazai and (Y/N), shift your investigation to work on finding the new radical group, everyone is dismissed."

With that everyone rushed to go to various activities and investigations, but not without an eerie uncertainty that wasn't present before. Whatever it was is was definantly keeping you on edge, and you had a feeling that something it wasn't going to go ideally today at all, but you didn't know why, the classic hunch.

"Hey Daz, do you have any ideas where to start with looking for this new group, I have one, but it's something neither of us are going to like."

"If you mean anything other than asking the port mafia if they've had any rival groups show up than no, but it's quite the possibility that we could ask mutual-boom...... Did you hear that (Y/N)?"

"Yeah I did.....Do you know where that came from? It was kind of faint so maybe it was someone dropping something like a BUZZ BUZZ...wait a second Yosano just texted me."

Check the news. Was all that flashed on your phone's screen, and now you're curious so you check the news app, but the headline was far from pleasant.

BOMB SET OFf BY UNKOWN ROBBER GROUP AT BANK TO ESCAPE, MORE DETAILS TO ARRIVE SHORTLY.

"Oh shit, Dazai I know where we're heading next."

-----

"Well this is definantly not what I wanted to do today." He said staring at an computer, occasionally making a little clinking sound.

"You never want to do anything Dazai." You said as you were going through they bank's filing system.

The two of you were currently going through the bank's resources to find out what exactly the robber's stole. When you got to the crime scene it was blatantly obvious that this was not the usual heist considering that once you got there the two of you were told that no alarms were set off during the thieves stealing process. Meaning that they got in undetected. What was even weirder is that no money was actually stolen. The current bank you were at also offered an high-end, state of the art security vault to filthy rich buyers, with that being said the robbers most likely didn't use the bomb to escape, but to get into the vault instead.

So, the two of you were figuring out what they stole because clearly they went through a lot of trouble to get to it, and it had to be something more than just high value considering that the vault looked completely full, and all the items currently resting in it were family heirloom jewelry, paintings, and almost virtually anything a rich person would want to keep safe.

But, due to the bank's privacy policy there is not master list of all of the items in there, instead they kept in portfolios of the buyer's, so they two of you had to cross check every item in there until you figured out what was missing. While Dazai was checking the security footage, you were checking the items.

"Do you see anything on the security feed that hints to who these guys are?"

"Unfortunately the group of three were smart enough to have their faces completely covered, so the answer to that would be no. Also unfortunately there is no feed useable after the bomb was set off, but given the fact that they didn't bring any bags with them means that they stole something that could fit in their pockets. Maybe like a flash drive or something."

"Actually not a flash drive." Is all you said to cause your partner to turn around, then you elaborated. "It was a key, but unfortunately the buyer paid the bank extra money to keep their name anonymous, so we don't have any leads from that."

"Well, we know what the key looks like or do we not?"

"Yeah, there's a picture right here." You hand him the file containing all the information given about this key.

Unlike most keys it has two heads meaning that it's meant to unlock two different things. They key itself is made out of silver, engraved with some sort of writing all over it but you don't recognize it. It's also tarnished, meaning that it's probably very old along with pretty beaten up.

"It's kinda funky looking, wonder if someone shoved it down my throat it would kill me or not." With that you give your partner a classic glare. "Or not."

"Uh huh, that's what I thought, it does say that key was previously owned by a private collector, while it doesn't say their name, it does say their gallery if you could even call it that is 'Baroque.'

"Wait.....that's the auction that a bunch of filthy rich people go to quarterly, and some of the port mafia go there as well, but how are we going to even get in it's by invite only. We definantly not on the list, and last time I checked it's in about a little less than a week, do you have a miraculous plan. We could always steal someones invite....."

"We aren't going to steal anything! I have a plan, but it's stupid, and it would be a miracle if it worked."

"What might that be?"

"Ask Chuuya to see if he's willing to take me as his plus one."

At this point in time Dazai was the one staring at you, but not in they death glare way, in the way like did you literally just say that to my face sort of way.

"I'm so betrayed (Y/N)."

"Well do you have any better ideas?"

Truth be told he didn't, and he knew that his rival did have an invite because he saw him go to that auction in the past. He knew if he asked he would most definantly be killed in a matter of seconds, but you actually had a slim chance of actually convincing the short red head to help you, even if it's only temporary.

"Do you have any tips before I go Daz?"

"If you want the annoyance to actually give you a chance, you should bring some high-end wine as a bargaining chip."

While nodding in agreement, you stood up, and rushed to find the port executive. Walking into what would most likely become a complete disaster, but it's the only shot you got.

[greaterlandscapes]

My Dean Blunt Rotation aka High Fidelity Left A Bad Taste in My Mouth

For the past 2 to 3 months, my listening habits were teetering to an end; mostly via burnout by spontaneously listening to local artists daily and less likely of a musical discovery drought, whereas my interests of a certain artist or genre hasn't found its, sort of, "eureka", moment per se. I've been feeling less enthusiastic over the things i listen to since my friends have gradually lost their flare when it comes to discovering/exploring untapped parts of the music realm. Thus, in return, my enthusiasm not being reciprocated. It leaves an empty feeling from someone who has been yearning social interaction, may it be media being latched on the topic - it's a feeling that's been guilt-tripping me ever since I was stranded in the other end of the metro. I feel closed off, exposed to the crippling loneliness the lockdown has punished us: a defacto solitary confinement in a national level. Our act of staying online is also an act of staying alive outside.

To be fair though, it's a valid move to not boomerang compliments/gripes over an art you haven't consumed due to someone's autonomy. Your able body being to consume the art you wish to finish with free time is a luxury in of itself. The art is then failed to serve its purpose to reach its goal: You have squiggly lines heading straight to oblivion rather than swirling in the earlobes of a wandering cyber nomad. We, eventually, need to find something that could help us exit, rather than escape, from capital. We, in return, do not shut ourselves from the outside. Instead, we then tend to avoid the stress of protocols and outdoor fascism; Not avoid the indoor liberalism that is eating us alive and online. It's a capital punishment we never knew we signed up for ever since the onslaught of the virus and the state. Art for art's sake is nonexistent now, always has been, it seizes to ever since we went inside. Feeding off of a holographic meatloaf coming from a glowing screen. We have a real-life Karen acting as a nightlight in our rooms.

The COVID lockdown made us listen to music — both for better, for worse. For one, it made us pass most days. You could say the same for any sort of media: film, mixed media art, or whatever pre-Covid activity that sprung up during our time in isolation. For music, however, there was an uptick of new listeners that made others Wheel-of-Fortune the fuck out of their music discoveries in sites like RateYourMusic, Bandcamp, or even Sophie's Floorboard. We've continued to expand and became more open change of opinions and be less of a jackass towards someone else's opinions. On second thought, our opinions have been catalogued, leaving more notes than actual footprints of our previous listens. Our new discoveries made new bands and re-emerging bands, bands who faded to obscurity, crawl back in the surface with newfound interest from younger listeners (ie Panchiko, Jai Paul, and Dean Blunt) and this glowing, previously unseen and unexpected overwhelming support from fans of departed artists (ie SOPHIE, MF DOOM)

For the other, we've hogged gratuitous amounts of media, resulting into losing our primary direction as to how we want to consume our media based on the preconceived notions of what we want in our art. There is goodness in becoming directionless when you think about it, but there comes a cost to our identity as music listeners. Instead, we end up widening our tangents, falling in endless rabbit holes, having zero chances to emerge from the surface. In fact, i refuse to call it a "rabbit hole" instead i'd rather call it a "pipeline" of sorts — transitioning casual music fans into a full on, different, unique versions of themselves that would define them when laws and protocols have eased in the outside world. Our act of staying online has either made most of us break our character or enliven our past selves. The music pipeline is now more apparent, stretching the norms of what was once alienated by a silent majority, but now accepted as an acceptable form of expression. The more music we are exposed to has made casual listeners stranged out or react in ways that our personality have betrayed us or deemed not as acceptable to them. Still, not changing anything that was prominent pre-pandemic. Liberal cop behavior is stronger, now more dangerous than it ever was once perceived by the outside world.

HIGH FIDELITY? NO, THANK YOU.

Imagine a situation inside of a record, pre-pandemic of course, where you do not feel like lifting a record out from the shelf, instead, you window shop just for the sake of windowshopping. Capital and media made us think that going to record shops is a semi-productive activity. The age of discovery has died ever since High Fidelity romanticized and normalized the incelage of horny record diggers. Does this movie age well, yeah sure it does, for old 90s nerds at least. But did it translate well over in the past 20 or more years of events and tragedies that unfolded in pre-9/11 America? No it didn't. It was an age of free expression, only liberals would dream of whenever they take a sip of Guinness beer in their favorite dive bar.

Mind you, over a couple of months ago, it was my only chance in seeing why this movie was the talk of the town back when it was released. There's music, yeah, and attractive leading leadies, yeah, it has everything a 90s kid would love to salivate and drop their gonads over while they watch this movie. I obviously did not live to see the movie on opening day but i could imagine the scent that came out of that movie theater with attendees donning windbreakers and The Who shirts with popcorn dressing stains on their plastic cups. If there was a Filipino counterpart to this movie, i'd bet corporate champions Eraserheads and Rivermaya would soundtrack their music over and have either Tado or have Boy 2 Quizon, but i sense it to age like milk more than it could age like fine wine due to the senseless jokes one can execute in a Cubao or Cartimar record store.

John Cusack is obviously the incel in question here: a damaged, vengeful ex who constantly fails to live his partner's expectations and weaponizes his personality over the situations that has nothing to do with his interests. I spent the entire time being absolutely disgusted over the spineless responses of John Cusack's leading character. The movie then treads on flashbacks with John Cusack's failed relationships and what he could do to move on from each and one of them. If i could stand a SONA for 3 hours then I can't stand John Cusack being the dull entry point to incel, making more reasons why you should hate record store clerks who don't give an iota of shits to someone's inviting rapport. High Fidelity is opium for massive music circle jerks who can't take a single breathe of fresh air or a single quota of touching grass. There's more targeting weak and inferior guys and hot women who dump dumb overconfident dudebros more than the actual "music recs" in the entire movie. The more I think about this movie, the more I realize how our personality is in line towards Dick, the record store being unmercifully dunked on by the movie's two leading characters. He's an angel in the world of cynical bastards, witnessing both demons pitchforking record store customers in the ass while they're purchasing the latest Sonic Youth album.

I believe that Jack Black, the dark horse of High Fidelity, has a pleasing personality more than an irritating demeanor due to this behavior in the record store. In fact, outside of the record store, Jack Black doesn't seem to take the business is your pleasure act pretty seriously. Unlike John Cusack's character he brought his obsession over involving a record in an important memory/point of his life. There is so much stuff that has happened outside of the record store, so much for Rolling Stone and NME being the bible of music at the time, endlessly christening and shilling artists that believe to become the second coming of the Beatles. The music references here however are treated as fluff than it is a mechanism that would drive the senseless plot forward. If anything, there are events pointed out in the event that doesn't have anything to do with the life of the characters.

If anything, this movie did a great job at capturing the feeling of music bros being dumped on the wayside by a mature set of characters and how their current conditions aren't perfumed by the studios' liking of having to Cinderella story the shit out of a bunch of normal record store owners. The reality is in the reaction of one's social capital being invaded and we're here to witness how those reactions panned out in 2021. This is a villainous depiction of music nerds being the salt of the earth, the bane of all media discussion, still reflective of the insufferable salt of cyberspace found in music forums like 4chan and RYM. High Fidelity is a pipeline of 90s musicology, a dreaded fever dream of an owner waiting for the decade to end, trends ossifying and re-emerged by the hands of nostalgia-savvy individuals. It was, at its time, every music-movie nerd's excuse equivalent of Scott Pilgrim VS. The World. There are memories worth remembering and cherishing, and this movie isn't one of them.

DEAN BLUNT, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

In the past two weeks I've been fancying myself into sitting down and listening to different projects from the ever elusive, UK-based sound artist Dean Blunt. The first time i chanced upon his music wasn't too long ago - albeit a recent one in the time of COVID - was when I randomly stumbled upon his records at a Spotify recommendations section under John Maus (yeah lol i know the implications whenever his name is mentioned) - but then i was enamored by his online presence so quickly I put everything down and dedicated an hour or two researching about this man's music.

Other than the fact that his album "The Redeemer" wasn't the best record to start off in journeying through his discography: ending up disgusted and borderline bored even and I was more likely to lambast this record's aimless, pretentious art-pop inflections. By the end of the day, it was a preference long solidified by his undying fanbase. According to his hardcore fans, the music isn't really music, evaluating it as a free form of sound art, rather than sticking to a structured and conventional cues; the genre is nullified by most analysts of the arts. The growing interest of the general public towards Dean Blunt's pranks and antics have long appealed to my tastes as a chaotic neutral individual. Pranks that are well executed to piss off UK gallery connoisseurs and entertain ironic attendees who'd shit on the art piece rather than participate in it.

More of the resources I've found about Dean Blunt online: numerous aliases and collaborations that lasted around almost 2 decades. The most notable of all them, at least for my money, are either Hype Williams, a duo consisting of Dean and frequent collaborator Inga Copeland, and Babyfather, an art performance parodizing the pirate radio culture in the UK. I have not delved enough in Blunt's body of work to evaluate everything and what i could synthesize from it. For now, I enjoyed it as a form of entertainment. Well, color me impressed because Dean Blunt isn't clowning around, he, in fact, makes blissful and transcendental music from left to right.

Dean Blunt was the only few artists that made me want to binge on their discography. His movements in his music has attracted this pesky listener who thinks that being mysterious is a plus. I mean, look at me who thinks The Paul Institute, Panchiko, and Burial are the greatest artists that have walked the face of the earth.

The most I've enjoyed from Dean Blunt's discography are his mixtapes and collaborations: preferably his Soul Fire and ZUSHI, both of which were packaged as B-sides or supplemental releases rather than major releases such as the Babyfather project or the Black Metal releases. His knack for blurring the lines between genres still fascinate me as of this writing, and it continues to amaze me how he doesn't seize to compromise his art, he's here to prove a point and it sells quite well despite the lack of direction in his music. Blunt's music has more aggressive and hazy texture than the hollow, wide, soulless structure of art-pop/hypnagogic pop released today. He creates terrains from the rubble of his country's current shortcomings. The music overlaps the actual intentions with abstract concepts, becoming deconstructed down the line. In Babyfather, noise music coincides with Blunt's amateurish rapping. In Black Metal, Blunt isolates himself along with the assisted skeletal guitar playing. Both projects throwing all tropes in a vaccum alongside Blunt, who he himself would sought to become a personification of a musical void.

--

(Excerpt from the Babyfather album review in TinyMixtapes)

--

Dean Blunt is an entity that wishes to become one person, but no, this isn't a figure in a specific art form; this isn't Banksy, this isn't Bob Ong, this is made by one person, clearly it is if you listen closely, and it's been entrancing me ever since his presence was felt on the horizons of the internet. Dean Blunt, what the actual fuck.

[theseagull16]

Warning the following content includes swearing ideas of suicide attempted suicide and depression and anxiety and mental illness detailed graphic descriptions and sexual references and criminal acts which could be upsetting to some viewers viewers discretion advised before reading the rest of this post remember this is all of my own oc is not official and I don't know how to make it if it's even possible anyone knows please comment but for now is this is my personal SCP but other Scps mentioned are real as in official

At present day Dizzy has requested out of the blue for an interview it's noted that is SCP has often refused any interviews that is requested to her and any interviews normally that she participates in are immutable, lies or just plain out ignored. But Dizzy has come to researchers and bargains an interview for the deal of being allowed to visit SCP 1508 in private for an hour at least site director... has agreed to the interview and taking Dizzy bargain so long as she doesn't cause any harm at all, any sign of aggression or sines of excitemen stress to anyone during the interview any signs of escape interview and her deal will be off. Dizzy has to where when juring outside of her containment high Dennsery expense gloves to avoid causing inorganic objects to be affected with poison table and area around Dizzy is not to be approached by interviewer or touched juring interview because that would trigger the response of the poston to exploding and causing the effect to happen. Interview Dizzy being green interviewer is in blue

Begin log

Instant silence

You know we could come closer I won't bite, l said I won't hurt anyone and you're standing in the middle of the room on a chair looking like an idiot might as well come closer to the table.

I would but you're leaning your elbows on the table causing your so-called "poison" to infected it and if I touched any object infected with dos green veins I end up suffering norva and diarrhea for the next good 62 hours

sigh what's the point of having these gloves on when everything is already infected with this stuff, there's on point keeping them on

She throws the gloves into a nearby bin

I don't think you're allowed to do that

Err fuck like who's going to care anyway, not like I'm using them anyway

Still if you don't coporate this interview will be over

then herey up and say some God them questions

Alright why a sudden desire to communicate. Until say yesterday you refuse to take any interviews flipping off, telling to f*** off or any other offensive language to anyone who comes near you with the idea of doing any experiments or interviews. And in unlucky situations sometimes you even vandalised there cars, objects rooms, or just make them sick

(A laugh could be heard in a slight giggle) what can I say they deserved it

To you maybe

They do deserve it Dizzy slams her fists onto the table

Calm remember

Yeah I know stay calm or no interview blah you're probably going to ask me about that later in the questions and to answer your question about why I suddenly have the urge to talk to you bush bags I have my reasons but I don't think that's important the only thing your little Foundation fides important is I share my knowledge I ceep carefully to myself so if you want to know anything just ask you're stupid question you had on your mind since the day you started working and found out about me now then I can get on with my day

So long as it ends with you visiting SCP- 1508.

If you mean by Joe which is his name by the way then yes yes I do

Which moves on to the next question why do you dislike when we call you by your designated numbers instead of your name

AAA Dizzy Flores her head back laughing before continuing in a mocking manner you supposed to be smart but still asked me simple easy questions. What to get my opinion it's kind of obvious I don't like being called that because I'm not your property is the degrading and I have a name so I don't see why not use it. it's supposed to be respectful to use somebody's name and I don't see being called at number is very respectful it's why anything or anyone in here that doesn't have a name I give a name

Is that why you break into other SCP containment rooms.

At first usually I just go into the room for entertainment in the form of a conversation or to hopefully make a new friend like and Joe, know any other SCP but then after I get to know them better and I found out they have no identities and some of them are also as miserable as s***. So I give them a name to have an identity with the name.

why do you have the urge to break into other SCP containment for your own entertainment can't use ask for something to keep you entertained

No it's more than just entertainment is the opportunity to travel, explore, marvel and brighten up the day of different objects and people that can usually only be found in fantasy amazing and every experience is almost always something new you can't put a price on that or replicated is not same and it kind of pisses everyone off, so it's an added bonus for me ahah.

Next question are you aware of your other a anomalous traits other than your main one

Do you mean other than the fact that I didn't take a s*** in literally over 60 years, I haven't cough, sneeze, or felt anything other than normal for decades that I don't even need the shower when just for entertainment and It turned the water green with my poison, and that anything that comes on to me like bacteria that is harmful gust slides off my body and clothing and every part of me, that I can't feel actual fear other than shock seeing it's a negative emotion or the fact that I can't be affected by medication even with a positive effect and life vitals machines don't actually work from me yeah I kinda have notice

What's your opinion on the SCP held here at the site and throughout the foundation hard to pinpoint your exact your opinion on SCP even when observing other SCP is hard to get your exact opinion your reaction are randoms to say the least

Actually that kind of a hard one Doc, my reaction is random because it's really depending on what happens when I go in there I don't really know what to expect I just go with the flow and see what goes on in there really it's kinda going into a room blindfolded almost and as for my opinion for other SCP some of them I actually I'm glad they're stuck in here seeing that they will probably kill the whole god damn universe if they ever got out and others I feel sorry and also disgusted by the foundation for keeping it here it's not their fault and they're not even dangerous they just a little different that's all that star eyed girls she just want to get out but you won't let her shame on you

She which you have named galaxy never put any request for ever mentioned for going outside

That's because he is scared if you would just sedate her like other in here

She wouldn't be scared if people not mentioning names didn't tell exactly what people do in here to SCP when they are to Wiley

yeah put the blame on me why not it's not like he has brains to figure it out by yourself you really underestimated SCP that's another reason I find the foundation disgusting we're not objects or least not all of us

Moving on

Hurry up

Do you anything about the laxatives in the tea of dr ....

Maybe

now let's get to the source of this conversation in the first place, why the sudden urge to visit SCP- 1504 usually if you just want to see him you preferably or duo not encouraged method break into his containment and settings free usually or vice versa why now you deciding to go for more for the less catastrophic method of visiting

Like I said before I have my reasons

Oh really

What are you getting at is this a double course because if it's a double course I will

Don't worry we can't even double cross you know negative effect remember

We did some research on your friend Joe as you call him and surprisingly we discovered that today is his birthday and it so happens since was contained every year on his birthday he seems to be more miserable year after year it's also happened you demanded an interview you might despise us but we are intelligent we kind of put the dots together you might as well admit it

.... Alright fine I admit it I ordered this interview in hoping to get privileges of allowing me to visit him on his birthday he is miserable is sad seeing the only companion you probably have around here for who knows how long I stop counting decades ago just drink and get high on his birthday and not even happy it's a miserable sort of way in a sense of will depression and years getting older nothing to getting better for him even after me even just visiting him in his cell still miserable tied up in there but not even a single birthday cake or compliment from anyone other than me to make him feel better even though I know you don't even notice so I decided to take the long short by getting this party

That quite admirable actually your friend is not getting on well with his birthday so you decided to do something sweet for him, don't think from your records of time we let you two be together you'll probably get a reward like an extra radio but a party station I don't know

Worth a try

And what happens if it fails

I guess you'll be another miserable year then

Never realised that your friends up with SCP 1504 this toxic

Personally I think that comment is bullshit.

What makes you think that don't you notice you encourage each other to drink, smoke, commit crimes, and vandalism even notice once a couple of years back that you and "Joe" somehow managed to make a secret meff lab and using it to experiment with different a SCP for fun in the basement of site 91

Hahaha I'm surprised you idiots didn't notice that earlier we somehow managed to drug up at least 6 SCP before anyone noticed and even then it was by accident when they were clean out the old basement Dizzy throws back in her seat laughing AH AH

You think it's funny to drug up SCP some of them are people you know

Bravo and in only took you experimenting on them and somebody else who having needles jabbed into them who are not scientists to say it

Regardless don't you recognise that what you and 1504 are doing is cruel and reckless

Hypocrite!!

You know what I mean

sure on the surface it sounds ridiculous and somewhat crazy and be honest we kind of are it a way but before you see anything is my explanation when you were immune to heam itself we kind of lose the will to be careful in a way and when no negative effect can be brought on to you you also lose more of that desire to hold back in a sense it doesn't mean that your conscience has been affected it does means you're a terrible person a little bit bad but deep down good people or at least I'm a good person and the people we "druged up" as you called it they were all willing to do it and some of those people even asked for those hi all of the SCPS we did it were objects creatures that were animals in a way and people who asked or couldn't get any worse if we give it to them see the records none of those SCP if you don't believe me none of them were harmed at the a little bit delirious and tired after a while but fine we're not monsters we don't do it to hurt them in the way we do it to make them feel better what do you think people take drugs in the first place to make them forget about the horrible things in life it's not good to them and it temporary but what else can I get around here some of them they even steal it from us check the records again if we didn't do it together we probably would have done it in any other scenario and as for encouraging each other for doing thinks like I said when your immune due to lose any sense of dread do it we drink and smoke but in a way is nothing other than like drinking water or leads to me and as for Joe he gets drunk and high but in the end of the day it doesn't kill him it just get a headache I only do it the keep company if I do stop him you just do it anyway so really I I don't do it nothing bad will happen we are not normal people plush employees in the foundation actually bought some of the meth we made before they were probably discovered

OK how much other scenarios like the time you and Joe still Dr.... car and drove it through a SCP portal to another dimension into a abandoned waste dump full of scrap metal that goes on for miles not only did you also kidnap a mtif soldier and through in the back of your car but you also crashed the place and then crashed the car all the time when you and Joe escaped he loading some rich women and you beated her with cricket bat and then stole her money another terrible time when you were transported to another complete by plane with a couple of other SCP they decided to be better if you travel in an like normal people instead of in an enclosure and you're scps friends including Joe before you even entered the plane you used a plank placed on a rod on the floor to hit Dr clef in the balls

Slight giggles

you turned a man into a crying wimp on the floor clutching his groinedon in the plane when a Stuart found out you were french he greeted you in French you shouted back to him vous pouvez sucer le Dr Clef glorifié boules meurtries enflées Stanley Joe got drunk and you filmed it he passed out and then insulted and walked around the whole plane during the entire flight and when you came down you did the same thing you did to Dr clef only to Dr bright even though he tried to avoid it

Ok as for the car bit I was upset about my miserable life and so was joe slightly drunk and felt like we both needed something to cheer each other we saw the car out and I know Dr.... loves that car sweat to God I think I was him kissed it. I got pissed seeing Dr.... is a go for nothing jerk he puts D class into danger for no reason that's like any other people and just like any other person I would want to punish him I told this to Joe well you know what he had the idea of and there was a testing with SCP-093 dimension portal nearby so you can guess what happens next we hijack the car with some bottles of whiskey from some security officer and a camera, Dr.... was me in the car and I flip him off you should have seen the look on his face it was priceless and so we just drove straight through the portal like nothing and mtif trucks was chasing us it was absolute thrill and never felt so alive. And I didn't give a care of anything. The car was faster than them one of the sodger somehow managed to get up to us much have been in the back we didn't notice he was out match I paralyzed him and then we throw him in the back he was a jerk anyway so I don't care Anyway when the gas run out we watching the sunset tuke pictures of the car each other and us settings to the top of the car drnking whiskey having a blast gust two friends hanging out so we have no blame it was f****** awesome then the mtif scod fade us got the guy out of the truck and tode us back the car getting distorted was a actsdet nothing to do with us when we got back one of the crans for the portal fell

Ok

As for the incident in the plane Dr clef had it coming for the looongest time just ask any female SCP or researcher I did them a favour. That'll teach him a lesson to make smart ass remarks not so tough when reality

I'll be lying to say your not a little bit right there

The flight attendant mug and I wasn't it really in a good mood since I hate the foundation ice auto be a good time to that's really good friends was making some interesting memory videos and making them all upset. The woman incident was when me and Joe escape once we needed money and there was no banks nearby but a horrible rich woman don't feel sorry for her, we only steel off people that really deserved it well I do Joe don't I make him do it because I don't want him stealing off innocence the lady was a rich scamp who treated the poor folk like trust and Roberts said she was in the black market and even sleep with one of the old judges to get off from stealing charity money from orphans she deserved what she got, we beat up a little not anything fatal just enough to make her ugly then stole some money we broke into her house and use my powers to give us so blisters on her feet to just to make sure that the hit one kill her. And Joe hit her in the back with a bat

Why do you feel like you can use your powers to punish the ones who avoid the justice system in some ways

I have to power to make people suffer I might as well use it tell me if you had a chance to save someone or just stand whilst they be killed you would obviously choose them it's similar to how when I see somebody doing harm I can't just stand there I have to make them pay for it I believe everyone gets what they deserve eventually even if not in life they will get it in hell but it's too late because they're dead so I make sure they get the punishment before the dead to know what they did was wrong

when ever you brings us this or just someone annoys you and you played a prank on them you never killed them no matter how bad things they did are

because if I killed them I will be as bad as the people I call monsters I might have lost a lot of things but I would never ever in any circumstances lose my homity and dignity by being a hypocrite and committing what I believe is the worst thing a person can do to a person bring death and personally I don't really see this as a punishment when it comes to my own suffering I feed as a way out but obviously I'm immortal so that will never happened

When you first came to this Foundation was very suicidal it seemed to approve over the time I'm are you still suicidal

Sort moment of silence

Not as before to say I'm not completely suicide that would be lying kind of faded almost as the decades went through I see it as a sort of sideeffect being a model eventually your pain blur's into the conscience of your mind and your personality over take it because nobody get the live as long as me and I have pretty of distracted seeing as Foundation always bring something new that helps friends I made since helped but to say I'm cured completely nope some days is worse than others sometimes. but if there was a better option to be free for my depression I will take it of course but I'm glad I'm better than before you wouldn't believe how dark that mindset is

Has therapy helped

Yes definitely but is not just therapy I find everything helps me in some ways when it comes to friends to talk to even strangers people to listen to it that matter to get it off your chest helps a lot.

Speaking of your oh so "lovely" friends let's talk about them apart from Joe you made a couple of them over the years some more favourable than others let's talk about them less start with your closest friend and the reason why this interview is taking place in the first place Joe

Well you already know his life from his file as an SCP there's not really much to say about him apart from the fact what is he really like because unlike the rest of you I actually know for fact what he's saying or doing hints why we're so close friends

and hints why you 2 can get away with things like robbing people only two days ago you somehow managed to borrow 50 quid out of the wallet of Dr....

And we spent it on a magic coffee dispenser to trick somebody into drinking bin water just for fun

Nmmmm

But Joe and I kind of need each other he's the first to person to really understand me a fellow SCP you became my friend somebody who knows what it feels like to be lonely and is suffer for a good majority of time in fact I could say he suffers more than me even.I had are you still have a human connection or more reality until he met me he was suicidal depressed and nobody had any idea of it or even he had a blue tick knowledge you should have seen his face when you first realise he finally found somebody to connect to you and don't leave me feel worse that he couldn't give me a hug you know that's why he's in the streets that could because the amount of fluid is Santa's lack of escape makes a mad the let us be with each other and in close proximity because if he doesn't have a human connection now he goes nuts and once he was so this before escape from the mental pain he grabbed me by the solders and end of catching severe case of schizophrenia but also seeing him like that screaming bagging blood everywhere for the 62 hours is painful to watchbut we help with turning away we keep eachother company we have each other's backs we stop each other from going crazy I can feel my world go up if you don't want them with him because he doesn't care what I am he's not here to study he's really the only person that really gives a damn for me anymore and maybe is just because he's desperate for company but it's genuine at least

What about other people But 1st oof Did you ever fall in love

No, if you'd read my record, you would know that my anomalous ability makes people unable to be sexually interested in me, including able to feel any romantic feelings towards me which really sucks because nobody can ever fall in love with me which really sucks because I didn't have a boyfriend before all of this which really fuckin' sucks

Ok let's go back to some other questions then what are some of the other friends like scp-507

Honestly he's a nice guy but we and close friends sometimes gets nervous to are idea of fun mostly pranking people not into that sort of stuff sometimes me and Joe would sneak into his room he's pretty good at using computers

Explain

don't worry we just asked him let us see some videos that we are banned on watching well Joe's banned from watching is's nothing that bad and it's not like we scanned anything light drinker doe sometimes we will go to the roof to drink and being nice we invited him to come with us if you refused he would wosh out after half a bottle

Is that even allowed

Ah F*** them

What about jonesy the half cat you seem to be close to jonesy cat

I love jonesy his sweet and cute be honest he Sims more Joe friend seeing that I can't pet him but he's not afraid of me I can always play with him I told him tricks too

What tricks

I taught him to attack on command he wrecked Dr.... face it was hilarious. Moment of silence come on it was funny he only had a scratch

Moving on how about something different about Dr bright and agent Rocky Jones.

Temporary silence

Are you alright

Yes.

I believe rocky was the first person you ever encountered after your condition so to say happened if I believed correctly you two became close friends over the years even after his hair ternd completely grey you use to joke about that and he'd take time to come to see you and often joke about it until he's unfortunate demise unfortunately turned out to be by Dr bright

Rocky was a good man he was sent to like the other mtif soldier he went to the foundation for the sole reason of wanting to help others and protect others he never shot any human and never ever killed anyone even go against orders to save people including civilians and to avoid death casualties

he still experienced poison first time and leaving the second time he cut off his own hand to avoid getting infected again

Ok f*** off that was by accident and so was the second time you can't go 50 years without hitting an accident even if it's twice the actor of him cutting his arm off surprised me he did it so quickly and so swiftly I still feel sorry for him no matter how many times I see his prosthetic arm and no matter how many times he said to me it was ok I couldn't forgive myself for it but he never blame to me I don't know why but you never blam with me I'm Grace's for that

Unfortunately Dr Jack fight thought it would be a good test subject to a SCP due to the lack of D class and he was close to retirement he killed him with an axe and then experimented on his parts with SCP....

Anger: dat no good whatever he is didn't deserve to kill an innocent man and get away with it no matter how high he's clearance I wanted revenge I wanted to bury rocky picked up what's left of him in the acid bath and bury him of cause acid has no effect on me he's a skeleton but still l made sure he had a proper funeral with me Joe, some classes who are kind of nice and some scientists to also didn't like what bight did and missed rocky but he was the closest thing to a funeral I can get And then plotted my plan it was quite easy wait until it's dark nobody around other than the D classes, SCP and Joe distracted him than the clobbered him over the head well Joe bib then we tied him up to a cargo trolley and use my powers to give him a nail fungus I wanted the real pain to be more brutal than anything I have and then we'll come up he said crossword threaten even gloated and I stuck them over the face for that I told him he was going to suffer he said didn't care he's suffered before but I doubt he'd ever suffer like he did there and you could tell him his face he knew he was f***** when he realised what was coming to him a pit full of angry D classes who all had a bone to pick with him and some SCP who are also hated his guts and so didn't take the D classes we tied him up to the trolley made sure he'd couldn't escape and through him into the pit you should have heard him screaming begging for his released and even asking for help but no he was going to suffer just how rocky did .... 10 times worse the fact that I use my powers against him meaning that he wouldn't die butter suffer for round a good 10 hours it's more worse than poison because it's gets revenger gardens Joe and I just sat there watching with show during beer with him and some cigarettes it was the most relaxing thing I ever did for revents in the morning when everyone came and they put them out he's so scared of me after that's incident and it should be

And what you hate doctor bright so much

He's a prick

Oh really because your friend the plague doctor says otherwise

f*** you the plague doctor is not my friend I met him once when I escaped and he escaped in the same time and I found him by chance I only stayed with him after that to stop him from killing more people I didn't stop him from turning the bodies into what the plague doctor called the pestilence and the curd because they're already dead but he is scared of me he felt poison my poison and he's petrified of me

True when we asked about you in an interview with him he did say he was petrified to you but he also said you hate Dr bright to because you envy him you envy everything about him that he's in a SCP and he has the freedom that you can only wish for freedom to see your family the freedom to feel love freedom to have friends without restrictions to socialise and don't need to worry about making somebody have cancer just by giving them a hug and how he's anomalous ability doesn't seem to affect him that much and you hate when he says he feels upset due to his SCP status saying that because you're the only one who understands to suffering through and SCP you haven't seen your family in their decades you didn't even get to go to your parents funeral when font out you escaped to see the graves of the died of natural causes when MTF squad found are you are weeping at the graves they let you stay there a few minutes and then you went by your own recalled you carried on crying 4 weeks after that and as three siblings you don't even know what they look like no picture of them you have nothing

That plague doctor is wise I will give him that destrudo why am I a nice SCP but I'm stuck in here but all just constrictions that any other SCP has but Dr bright probably the worst person and most dumbest person I ever met is allowed almost get away with everything is not fair and that's for the real reason I hate him he says he understands and is sad because of his predicament of being a immortal he doesn't because I'm immortal to his immortality has no chains attached to it it's it's just sad to say just like that me there's always a catch I could just walk out of here with nobody stopping me but the catch is there's always a catch there's nothing for me out there there's no hatred there's no love there's no nothing what's the point of being a immortal if you can't enjoy it the only thing I bring is sickness and sadness I have to worry about giving people cancer just buy hugging them people are scared of me because of my ability and it should be but I feel miserable Dr bright is able to enjoy his life and he dares feels upset because of his predicament he should be god damn lucky he doesn't need to worry about it I didn't himself I have to worry about not only in myself my mental health but also others are not only hurt

is that why you stay here your numbers ability does prevent us from stopping you leaving

Yes

I see

it's also the reason whenever he says he understands pain the SCP feel the pain that he brings other people I make sure he's truly feels pain and he gets punished for his wrong doing

Now can I have my our with Joe

we'll have to see but that there's a lot of checklist to go through they might be even the couple of days who knows weeks until your permission has been approved

Ash I knew I wouldn't be getting to see Joe today but ok have a backup plan I went to Joe cell and talk to him before I came here if getting is interview fails there's always plan b this is breaks out and we go to the roof to enjoy ourselves and private for an hour

What

Gjvd

Rumbling noises lights Go out

Note lights went out due to SCP 1504 sneaking into the control room and the stopping the lights dizzy then escape through her miss form through the ventilation system and the two met on the roof after SCP 1504 took couple of bottles of beer from dr.... office the two stage on the roof remaining hour on deck chairs that SCP 1504 stole from a supply closetthe towards the sunset together was drinking beers a small recording managed to be caught before cameras went off of the two on the roof

SCP 1504 is blue and dizzy is green

So how was the interview

you no it was emotional but at least I got to see you too old friends

to old friends

the two then sheared and continue watching the sunset

End log

[omoi-no-hoka]

Hey! I saw your blog today and I love it very much!! I see you're an open person so, I also have a question: HOW does one survive studying japanese at uni?? I'm in my first year and only my second (online haha) semester and we started out with Minna no nihongo 1 but we're supposed to finish Minna 2 by the end of this semester, same with Basic Kanji book 1 in the first sem and now Basic Kanji Book 2, all while also learning mostly of Japan's history and others in this semester. Exams will kill me

Hello! I’m glad you’re enjoying my blog! I am open to a fault lol. Let me recount my meandering journey through uni, illustrating my feelings through gifs of Noel Fielding because he is my celebrity crush.

Uni is such a difficult time for so many people, trying to figure out who you are now and who you want to be later. It wasn’t until my senior year that I realized what I wanted to do. I started writing out my university experience and it got super long, so allow me to just summarize my “Lessons Learned” here and you can read the rest if you want to know all the dirty deets lol. I double-majored in Japanese and English, so I think that my experience can perhaps be useful to people who are majoring in things other than Japanese as well. 

Hard-Learned Lessons from Uni

Do not choose a course of study because it is “practical.” Choose it because it is something you love. Seriously. Nothing is more important than this point. Do not choose a major because “I’ll make a lot of money” or “My parents are telling me this is good for me.” 

If you are learning multiple languages at once, you must give your brain time to organize what you learned from one language lesson before moving on to the next. You can do this by waiting a couple hours between lessons, getting up and walking around, studying one language in different space from the other, etc. Otherwise, it all becomes a terrible mess in your head.

It’s okay not to know what you want your career to be. It’s okay not to have a specific plan. Life works out one way or the other.

I know how expensive uni can be. (It’s been six years since I graduated and I’m still making hefty loan payments.) But don’t feel like you have to take a full courseload every single semester and graduated asap, particularly if the classes are hard and/or you are working. I took the maximum credit hours allowed every semester on top of working RIDICULOUS hours and it nearly killed me at one point. I’m not kidding. 

It is not unusual to have an identity crisis and/or mental breakdown. Take care of yourself. Know when you are nearing breaking point. Seek out the help of professionals. Most universities have psychiatrists and therapists that will see you very cheaply. 

Surround yourself with good people and look out for each other. 

Do not rely on substances to ease your suffering because sometimes the remedy becomes the malady. Not saying you should avoid all parties or anything square like that, but just don’t be one of those people that parties every night and gets in over their head. 

Let me preface this by stating that I’m an American, and our universities are stupid because they force us to take a ton of “general education” courses that are irrelevant to our majors, and many students spend their first couple years taking only a couple courses related to their majors and minors, and try to focus on getting those stupid gen eds out of the way. 

Year 1: Oh Shit, This Is Harder Than I Thought It Would Be

I come from a town of less than 2600 people. Our high school prepared its students for the following career paths:

joining the military (boys only)

becoming a farmer (boys only)

welding, carpentry, or other practical jobs (boys only)

becoming a housewife (girls only)

So basically I coasted through high school never having to study anything because it was one great big joke, only I thought I was like super duper smart because I was in the top five of my graduating class of 48. LOLLLLLLLLL

I entered university as a German major, Japanese minor. (Japanese was not offered as a major at my uni). I had never studied German previously, but I studied Spanish and French in high school and I just had this feeling that German and Japanese were the languages for me. 

The first semester, I had Japanese 101 and German 101 back to back, in the EXACT SAME CLASSROOM. I can’t stress enough how much of a mindfuck it was to go from thinking about Japanese for 50 minutes, having a 10 minute break, and then trying to switch your brain to German. IN THE SAME ROOM. It actually gave me headaches to try and make that mental jump. Managed to pull through the year with A’s in both, but German was much more of a challenge to me than Japanese. Which was really unexpected. 

I also flunked several gen eds because I didn’t give a shit about them and skipped them and got placed on academic probation and was nearly kicked out of uni because of my poor grades

Basically, I was such a weeb that I had watched enough anime with subtitles and sung along to enough anime songs that I had absorbed about 90% of the first year’s worth of Japanese vocab and grammar through osmosis. I really did have the power of God and anime on my side.

Year 2: The Year of the Mid-Midlife Crisis and Mental Breakdown

There really is no gif that will encapsulate the level of turmoil I went through that year. I looked really hard for one, trust me.

It became apparent very quickly that I could not keep up with German. I ended up dropping it early in the first semester, which meant I had to choose a new major. Thinking of what would be practical to pair with a Japanese minor, I went for International Business for a semester, took Accounting, and realized that I HATE The Man, corporate bullshit, and also numbers as a concept.

All I knew at this point was that I liked Japanese but couldn’t make it a major. I also knew I didn’t want to transfer universities. So I kept taking gen eds, just barely passing them because to this day I cannot bring myself to put effort into something I do not care about, and also taking more classes related to my Japanese minor. It was the Japanese classes that saved my GPA and kept me from getting kicked out of uni.

At the same time, I took a creative writing course because that’s been a hobby of mine since elementary school, and I kinda thought about an English major, but then was like, “Eww I don’t wanna be forced to read books I don’t give a shit about. And also, what will I do with that degree?”

Also, at the same time, I was working full time, and often getting stuck working from 2 pm to 7 am (Yes, 15-hour shifts, because the overnight dude would call in sick last minute and I’d be begged to cover his shift), and then dragging myself to classes and drooling on the desks because I’d fall asleep.

Also also, I started to have possible hallucinations? To this day I don’t know what was going on, but either I was legitimately going crazy, or there was a demon following me around and being quite rude to me, making light fixtures fall and shatter inches from my head, throwing papers around my room, opening and closing doors, turning lights off and on, coming to me in dreams and doing some really, really traumatic things to me in them, and just standing in corners staring at me at all hours of the night. Had me so scared that towards the end of the school year I was waiting to sleep until sunrise, when it would go away. And no, I was not using any mind-altering substances of any sort. Not even going out and getting drunk. 

So, yeah. Year Two was a hard one that I can’t believe I pushed through. Probably the darkest year of my life, I’d say. What got me through it? An unhealthy amount of energy drinks, friends, and my love of Japanese. Also Aerosmith.

Do I still see that demon? No. He vanished when the school year ended and I moved out of the dorms. Do I believe in the supernatural? Yes, to an extent. Do I think that what I was seeing was actually a demon? I honestly don’t know. I have had actual supernatural experiences verified by multiple witnesses, and a few years before Year 2, several friends and myself had seen an entity similar to what was following me around. But this one in Year 2 only did things when I was alone. So it could have all been in my head, and I will never know. 

Since then, I have been diagnosed with general anxiety and also a form of insomnia that keeps me from sleeping through the night, and I know that my anxiety manifests itself in psychosomatic ways. In other words, my mind will take my anxiety and turn it into a physical symptom that feels real in every way, but is actually not occurring. So far it’s manifested as: sensitivity to sunlight, the symptoms of a stroke or heart attack, half of my face going numb, and headaches in my left eye. Once I realize that the symptom is just my anxiety, I can force myself to ignore and overcome it. But then my anxiety finds a new form to manifest, and the cycle repeats a few months later. It could be that my stress caused me to see this demon for a while.

Should I have consulted a psychiatrist and gotten help? YEP. If you find yourself struggling like that, seek help please. 💕

Year 3: Adrift But Afloat

I moved out of the dorms and into an apartment with my best friend, a Japanese girl I met in the dorms freshman year. I will call her Setsuko. Setsuko is basically the reason I graduated uni. She memorized my class schedules and took copies of exam dates, woke me up, forced me to go classes instead of skipping, forced me to go to the library and study with her, and cooked me dinner most days since she didn’t have to work like I did. I can’t express enough how much she did to improve my life outside of school and work, and how much that improved my mental health. She also acclimated me to lots of subtle things about Japanese culture just by living with her, and this helped me later when I moved to Japan. Thank you, Setsuko. 一生の恩人。

I was still doing those bullshit 15-hour overnight shifts way more than I should have, and also had the maximum courseload.

The Japanese classes got a lot more difficult in Year 3. But I loved them. They were the only classes I never skipped. I took more classes towards the minor like Buddhist Philosophy and Japanese History, which I really enjoyed. While polishing off more gen eds, I thought over what to do with my major. 

My family and friends all told me that I should become an English teacher. I had always been good at words and at explaining things. But I didn’t really like the idea of being a high school teacher. I became an English major, though, because I knew that I didn’t hate English. Took grammar classes and HOLY SHIT did I hit my stride.

I realized that I didn’t like English lit. I liked linguistics. So I focused heavily on all grammar and linguistics courses, taking the bare minimum of literature courses required for the major. My GPA improved substantially. 

Yet I still was consumed with this nagging fear. It was Year 3 and I still had no fucking idea what I wanted to do when I graduated.

Year 4: Clarity At The 11th Hour

Urged on by my “Don’t you dare get one of those stupid arts degrees that won’t get you a paycheck” parents, I decided that the most “practical” degree would not be “English,” but “English Education.” I began taking the English Ed classes with linguistics, grammar, and second language acquisition classes. The goal was to become a qualified English high school teacher who could also do ESL (since I had Spanish and Japanese under my belt more or less). 

At the same time, I entered into Independent Study for Japanese with two other students. We were tasked with reading Izu no Odoriko, a classic short story. Independent study was its own beast. It required a lot more concentration and work on my part, obviously. But because Japanese was my first and foremost passion, I centered my efforts on those courses, and then on the others.

The process of getting certified to be an English teacher was lengthy and expensive in my state. This meant my graduation would be further prolonged, and I was worried about money, because I was already about $50,000 in debt at the time, despite working those fucking overnight shifts all the time that were eating me alive.

Then, during the summer vacation when my 4th year ended, I got a scholarship and went to Japan to study abroad. Education majors had the option to study abroad in several countries, and as luck would have it, one of them was Japan, and it was Setsuko’s HOMETOWN! The study abroad program itself was the first month of summer vacation, and Setsuko said, “Okay, just come stay at my house for the rest of summer vacation!”

Never have I said “yes” quicker in my entire life.

On the train headed from Sapporo to the town where I would be actually staying during my studies, I looked at the lush rice paddies and mountains in the distance and my entire heart just hummed with this “This is where you’re meant to be.” I knew then and there that I would move to Japan upon graduation.

What would I do there? Well, teach English, obviously.

My three months in Japan effectively aligned my entire life. My path had materialized before me. It was a roughly hacked, hard-to-see path through thick underbrush, but I could see it nonetheless. 

Year 5: Let’s Hurry It Up, I’m Ready To Live

Come Year 5, all of my Japanese classmates that had been with me since freshman year were gone and I was alone. My professor taught me Classical Japanese through independent study, and it was the must grueling course I took my entire five years there. But I found it invaluable and am eternally grateful to him for teaching me, because you see Classical Japanese a lot more than you’d think you would in everyday life. Particularly in formal settings. 

I still wanted to get certified to teach English in American high schools, because while I knew I wanted to go to Japan for now, I didn’t know if I wanted to spend my entire life there and I wanted a solid job opportunity when I came back to the states at some point.

However, the more education courses I took, the more I saw that the American education system was just as full of red-tape and The Man’s bullshit as corporate America, something else I rebuke with every fiber of my being. I also realized I’d need to take a 6th year of university, and that just wasn’t financially feasible for me. So I switched to a plain old English major with a heavy focus on linguistics and second language acquisition, and continued classical Japanese. 

I took the remaining 3 gen eds online in the summer, graduated, popped up to Chicago to do a month-long intensive course to get the CELTA (Certificate in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages issued by Cambridge.) It’s the most widely accepted and revered certification for teaching English as a foreign language.

So in the span of five years, I graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in English with a focus in linguistics and SLA, and what is technically a major in Japanese Studies. 40 credit hours were required for a major, and I completed 42 credit hours tied to my minor, so while it isn’t listed on my diploma as a major, I did the coursework. I also got a CELTA Pass B, which only 20% of applicants achieve and never expires. The grand total for all of this was roughly $100,000 USD in loans.

Post-Graduation

The week I came back to my hometown from Chicago with my CELTA in hand, I packed my suitcases, threw a going-away party, and then flew to Sapporo, where I began my first job after uni, teaching English to children aged 0-18 at a private English conversation school. I did that for three years before changing careers and becoming a Japanese-English translator/interpreter for a global company. 

So how useful have my choices during university proven to be?

I’m sure I don’t have to explain that studying Japanese helps me tons with translating Japanese to English or living in Japan lol

Studying English grammar, linguistics, sociolinguistics, and second language acquisition has allowed me to recognize minute nuances that can make the difference between a successful and unsuccessful business negotiation when interpretation is necessary.

My background in education also means that I know how to present information clearly, concisely, and in a way that engages the audience. I am known as “The PowerPoint Pro” at work lol. 

I also have a keen eye for performance evaluation, behavior analysis, and improvement action plans. 

I offered English conversation lessons to coworkers for over a year, and now that is being done in other branches across the company! (Well, they were before COVID haha.) 

I DO NOT RECOMMEND WORKING THE HOURS I WORKED WHILE IN SCHOOL. My grades suffered and I wish I had worked less and focused more on classes. However, by working 15-hour shifts and doing full days of classes, I developed a very good tolerance for overtime, which comes in handy in the Japanese workplace. Just last month I had three 15 hour days in the same week. Sweet, sweet overtime pay. 

All of these facets have culminated in me earning a pretty nice promotion to 正社員 seishain back in February, which means I get nice benefits and basically my job is guaranteed until I die or the company goes under.

Should I decide to return to America someday, I will probably not go into the education field. Too much red tape. I will likely continue translation/interpretation for companies, because it isn’t too difficult and pays well. Though ideally I’d love to just make a living sharing cool information about Japanese and stuff, and maybe writing those stories that are bouncing around in my head when I should be working haha.

Do I think the debt is worth it?

Well, I don’t think I had any other option than to take out those loans. I didn’t have the means to learn the things I wanted to learn unless I went to university. 

Unless Japanese work visa requirements have changed, you are required to have a bachelor’s degree in order to obtain my sub-type of work-visa, so I needed a degree of some kind no matter what. 

Frankly, if I hadn’t gone to that university and met my best friend Setsuko, I don’t think I’d be where I am right now, living the life I am now. So just having met her is worth any price to me. 

Paying off all the loans is daunting, especially when yen is weak to the dollar. There were months I had to ask my parents for help, especially early on. But now I’ve got multiple loans paid off, my salary has increased, and the “omg i have money and no supervision so I can buy whatever I want” idiocy has mostly gone away. But I did get a super sweet pair of blindingly silver Converses a couple days ago that I definitely didn’t need

Do I have any regrets regarding my time at university?

I still regret dropping Old English for a stupid English Ed class. Seriously, how cool would that have been? But I still have the textbook, workbook, and I contacted the professor last week and she was kind enough to send me a syllabus. God bless her. So now I’m working on that bit by bit, which is fun.

I wish I hadn’t been such a cocky, naive idiot my first year. Thinking I could just “show up for tests” was the stupidest thing. It messed up my GPA, and my parents forbade me from retaking classes so I couldn’t go back and fix my mistakes. I think I graduated with a 3.4 overall GPA out of 4, but my English major GPA was 3.9 and my Japanese GPA was 4.0. So it’s pretty frustrating to have those gen eds and my dumbfuckery mar my transcript like that.

I really didn’t party at all. Most all of my friends were straight-laced Japanese exchange students, and I was also working ridiculous hours so I just didn’t really have the time. A part of me feels like I missed out on that part of the college experience.

Recently I’ve been putting more effort into improving my creative writing by reading a lot of books on the subject. Not a small part of me wishes that I had gone with a Creative Writing major instead of English major, because I still would have studied all the grammar and linguistics. Then again, I do believe that creative writing can be self-taught.

I wish I hadn’t worked as much as I did. There were a lot of times I couldn’t complete assignments or I missed lectures because I was just so drained. It wasn’t even good money.

Well...I did not intend for this post to become as long as it has. I’ve been cooped up in my apartment with nothing but two goldfish for company for over a month now and I think I’m a bit stir-crazy. Thank you to anyone and everyone who bothered to read all of this and become my therapist for a bit haha. Love you all. Stay safe and well. 💖

[outcast-thingz]

Pairing: Nonbinary (Yuki) x Male (Thomas) Two random characters I came up with (once again thank you @red-riot-rat for the names)

Summary: What do you do when the most important person in your life to you gets cheated on? Taking them camping and have the closest time either of you have ever had of course. And maybe.. just maybe confess your crush?

Warnings: fluff, casual cussing, mahbe some angst.., did I mention fluff

Inspiration:

Whispering Wishes

       "He what!?" Yuki's nostrils flared as listens to his friend's recent woes, "first that jealous good for nothing breaks your heart and now this idiot stands up a stud like you?! You really shouldn't waste your eyes on jealous guys, fuck that noise" 

"Yuki, I'm okay really they were just some stupid guys." Thomas's weary voice came through the phone that Yuki put on speaker.

"You're right sweetness, they are stupid guys. However, one of them is a stupid guy you loved and spent three years with and the other is an asshole who stood you up last night." Forcing themself to take a deep breath Yuki calms. "Okay, okay… I got chu~" their voice became soft and sweet like the gentle strumming of a ukulele. "Pack yourself a bag Thomas. Make sure you got enough clothes for at LEAST three or four days, oh and don't forget swimming trunks!" They smile as they start to pack.

"Wha..what for?" Thomas sniffled.Yuki sighed, 

"Listen, it's clear to me you need a pick-me-up, I'll be there in twenty five" 

"I-.. okay, Yuki." The phone call ends.

       Within ten minutes Yuki packed clothes, snacks, drinks, and camping stuff into his pickup truck. Truthfully most of it was pre-packed since Yuki planned on surprising Thomas with a camping trip anyways.

"I hate that this happened to him but at least I have an excuse to see him now." They told themself. The pickup truck roars upon the key being turned. "I know precious," Yuki patted the dashboard, "you get your wish today. We're going on a road trip." They roll out and spend the next fifteen minutes driving to Thomas's place. 

       *knock, knock, na-na-knock, knock knock* Yuki played their knuckles on Thomas's door. 

He opens the door and greeted them, "Ba, da-da da da, da Da… Hello Yuki." It hurt Yuki to see bags under his best friend's eyes. Self guilt cloaked itself with a luke-warm smile and pulled on the strings around Yuki's heart. Without missing a beat they wrapped their arms around Thomas. "I-... I" his lips tremble, "Please Yuki. I don't want to cry right now," he held back the river that rammed against the damn he built. He could feel the care from a dear friend chipping its way at his damn; if yuki kept this up much longer Thomas was bound to cry and wasn't sure he'd ever stop. Yuki sighed and back from the hug allowing their hands to slip down his arms. They curled Thomas's fingers holding them gently.

"Sorry, I guess you could say I like to push my luck." Yuki jokes. Thomas surprised both of them when he giggled. Yuki smiled, "are you all packed?" He nodded, "Good. I'll get the bags and then you can take my hand, lets take a drive!" They insisted. Soon enough the two left hand in hand.

       This is something Yuki was waiting for, 

'I've been living in the future; hoping I would see you sooner' they thought to themself. Every so often Thomas offers to drive but every time Yuki would shake their head, "we may have the gps but you don't know where we're going, it's a surprise. So, I want you riding shotgun." After a few minutes of silence Thomas sighs. "What's up, buttercup?" They ask and place their free hand on Thomas's closest hand. He holds his best friend's hand with both of his.

"Yuki, why-... why do you choose to stay my friend?" He hesitates as if he is afraid of the answer. Yuki frowns internally, it hurts them to know some jerk got under their best friend's skin.

'Oh Thomas… he still has a hold on you. Nothing can change the fact that in my eyes you are the love of my life.' They smile and gently squeezes Thomas's hands.

"Becuse, I knew when I got one right," Yuki turns their head, "what'da'ya say we fall in love for the night and forget in the mornin?" They turn back to the road. The two of them laugh since it seems like Yuki was joking.

"I'll make you a different deal, how about get some music going? I'm being a total party pooper so Play me a song that you like; you can bet I'll know every line!" Thomas challenges and Yuki accepts. They watch Thomas from the corner of their eye. After a few song pass Yuki could see Thomas relax more and truly enjoy the ride. It made Yuki happy to see the love of their life forgetting about their pain and feeling free again.

'I'm the [person] that your boy hoped that you would avoid; don't waste your time on jealous guys; fuck that noise! Thats right you asshole, I know how to make him forget all about you. But I know better than to ever call [him] mine… I suppose by taking Thomas away from people like this doesn't make me any better than the jealous ex..'

       After spending half the day driving the giggling duo reaches their destination.

"A camping area?" Thomas moves his lips to one side as he furrows his brows.

"Mhmm!" Yuki nods and gets out of the car, "Not just any camping area, the one-"

"The one we met at, yeah, I recognize it now. You're family was set up in the camping area by the river next to ours." Thomas reflects as he stares at the familiar surroundings. A spark of joy lights in his eyes once again. He walks over to his best friend and hugs them, "Thank you, Yuki. You're amazing." 

"Nope, you're amazing. If it wasn't for you coming on the camping trip I would have left with my mom"

"You're just saying that-" Thomas stops abruptly. Yuki had pulled themself away from the hug, and placed their hands on either side of his face. Determination, that was all Thomas could see.

"No. I'm not." Yuki states, "before you getting along with others was hard for me but you took time to know me, understand me. I lo-... I love our friendship." 

'I'm and Idiot! Why don't I just confess my undying love right now!?... stupid' 

For a moment Thomas was stunned. Soon enough he was laughing, leaving Yuki puzzled.

"And I thought I was the grateful one. I think you've changed life for me just as much as I've changed life for you. I'm not sure what I would do without you Yuki." He takes their hands off his face and wraps his arms around Yuki. There it was again, that bittersweet feeling; they loved him so damn much but knew they could never have them.

       Thomas and Yuki spend a few days out camping. They hike the surrounding area, jump in the freezing river, regret it and warm up by the fire, and just talk themselves to sleep. Each day was filled with smile Yuki loved to see, the laugh they love to hear, scent of pine needles and campfires they loved to smell, as well as, the gentle boops and forehead kisses they loved to feel.

*late at night on the trip's last night*

       "No! No don't apologize for that!" Yuki frantically waved their arms dismissively, "I love when you talk that nerdy shit!" He chuckles as Yuki just stare at those eyes that are lit with passion. They could stare at that forever. Thomas sighs and looks back at the clear sky

"We're in our twenties talking talking thirty's shit!" He jokes. Yuki copies his moves,

"Yeah but think about it.. with all that you know about astrology, even if we just do it as a side business we'll be makin' money but we're savin' it! Cause talking shit is cheap and we talk a lot of it!" they joke back.

Thomas promptly rises from his chair and marches over to his best friend. 

"You better take that back!" A wild grin graced his face, "Astrology is not shit! You take it back!" They raise a brow daringly with a smirk they couldn't help but show.

"Oh yeah and what are you gonna do about it? ~Tommy Bear~" they tease.

"That's it!!" Thomas proclaims before staring a tickle attack.

"AHH! NO HAHA NN-NO! HAHAH" Yuki playfully cries out between laughs. 'You won't stay with me I know; but your can have your way with me till you go.' 

"Okay. Okay. I take it back!" They manage to say. Thomas stops tickling and gives Yuki a peck on the for head.

"An apology for tickling too much." He states.

"But that doesn't make any sense!" Yuki giggles. The man just shakes their head and sits on Yuki's lap. "Thomas wh-"

"Shhhh" he places a finger on their lips, "pillows don't talk." He leaves his head to the side, resting it atop Yuki's shoulder. "Although I did here some sing." He mutters.

Once again Yuki giggles, they couldn't get over how adorable the love of their life was.

'If all your kisses turn to bruises, then I'm a warning.' A twang upon their heart as they reminded all the forehead kisses they had been given. It was like someone flicking a bruise with a metal glove on. 

       "Let's fall in love for the night, and forget in then morning," They sing as they wrap their arms securely around their best friend and childhood crush, "Play me a song that you like you can bet I'll know every line… cause I'm the [person] that your boy hoped you avoid." They glance down to see Thomas already fast asleep. Still they continue, "Don't waste your time on jealous guys, fuck.. that.. nooiise…. I know better, I know better" they trail off into a hum 'I love you Thomas with every part of me but... I know better than to eevvver.. call you-oo miiine~..' Yuki gave Thomas a gentle kiss on his cheek before whispering as quietly as possible, "I love you, forever and always Thomas…" He stirs a bit in his sleep but nevertheless stays asleep. "Heh heh~" Yuki chuckles and leans their head against his quickly falling asleep.

The end

Taglist: @gayfanficanonymous @wow-she-a-h0e-for-aran (if you want to br added to the tag list let me know)

[scullyeffect]

my conversation (through voice message) trying to get my friend out of an MLM

me: I'm really worried this is an MLM even though you say it's not. Are you sure?

friend: Hi, so it's actually called 'affiliate marketing'! If you watch the webclass it explains more in detail but our sales just go over and down the line. Not all the way up to a top human who gets all the money and we do all the work. It's okay to be skeptical. We've all been brought up to believe 'if it looks too good to be true it is', but I've got lots of videos from others in the business and my own personal testimony to prove that we are who we say we are. If you're interested just go watch the webclass.

me: So, it's kind of like the affiliate links?

friend: Yeah, it's exactly like that! And if all you do is purchase that's where it ends but there's an option in it where you can be on my team to distribute.

friend: And so where it's different from MLM/Pyramid Scheme bullshit is that we have a compensation plan that's patented, so no other company can use this. And basically our sales go over and down, like, you...and you create a line, basically. There's no pyramid, no stacking. So what that entails is also we have ranks, and ranks are really important. So, if I sell to my friend Danielle, and Danielle sells a bunch more than I do, or promotes the business really well, or is better at building a team than me, she could rank up higher than me, and then she could make more money than me even though she's below me.

me: *that is literally just a whack pyramid scheme*

friend: So, it's an 8-point payout system, so basically think of a pie chart with eight pieces. If you're a certain level, so if you're a 1A, you just get the A commission, just one piece. But there are obviously ranks that are hella higher than that, like if you're a 4A, you get four pieces. Say you're a 6A, and your 4A sells a machine, and they get their four points of commission, Enagic (the company) only pays out eight points, so even though you're a 6A, you're going to receive four. That's why we're not multilevel.

me: *oh my god that's still multilevel*

friend: I don't know if that was clarifying enough! If not definitely watch this little webclass she's so informative. *sends link*

me: *is doing extensive research about all this shit and doesn't click link*

friend: Also, it's not scary, the only thing that this link does is link you to me, for if you were to join or affiliate. And it only links you to me for three months. So if for any reason within the three months you want to pursue someone else within this business, that's allowed. So there's nothing permanent or scary about this, it doesn't take your card info or anything. Completely free.

me: *doesn't click link*

me: Do you get a steady income with this company, or is it a side hustle?

friend: So for right now it's a side hustle, but I did quit my second job because of it.

me: *SCREAMS*

friend: You do get steady income once you build your team up to the point where they're doing well, but it's a lot of energy exchange and putting time into these people and into your business. And obviously way down the line, like my friend Amelia started Breakaway Movement and she's been doing it for two years, and she's just achieved the rank of 6A2-3, and this is where your steady income starts. SO she got a $30,000 bonus, and she gets $5,000 a month for life, which is super cool because she can pass that residual income on to her kids. And this is on top from the commissions she's already receiving. So that can happen, but you have to work your butt off.

friend: For example, my first sale, I'll make anywhere from $700 to over $1,000, and that's only for one person. I have friends who started last month and have already made $8,000, granted they've had entrepreneurial experience, but it is something that can happen if you allow yourself to receive it.

me: *pulling my hair out and wanting to scream JESUS CHRIST THIS IS A PYRAMID SCHEME YOU DUMMY*

me instead: So like just to be clear I’m 100% just saying this because I care about you, like I know for everyone who’s skeptical about something there are five people who are gonna contradict me and that’s fine I’m just offering my opinion. But I have two red flags about this stuff and I really am just doing it to look out for you.

me: *gently launches into a long bio/chem/physiology diatribe about how alkaline water really just violates BASIC laws of chem/phys and reasons people get results from this stuff is because they think it's so good for them so they drink MORE of it, and water is great for you so your body is like YUM and of COURSE your skin gets better, you lose weight, you feel healthier, YOU'RE DRINKING WATER. Your body is DESIGNED to hustle itself to keep internal pH between 7.3-7.4 and alkaline water won't hurt you but it doesn't really do much. But in developed nations buying a $4,000 water filter system is just...not...worth it.*

me: And I also found something about Breakaway online that I think you should see, but I'm doing this as a friend and feel free to disregard everything I'm saying.

me: *sends screenshot of a subreddit of people exposing the girl who started Breakaway because she USED to be in an MLM with the same company but basically just...in a shady way recreated the same scheme with herself at the top? (link if you want)*

friend: I know you're not trying to like, fight me on any of this and you're doing it as a friend, but we actually have doctors and scientists talking about this since it is actually a Medical Grade Machine. I don't have all of that info, because it kind of flies over my head, but I know people who know about that stuff.

me: *WHY WOULD YOU SELL SOMETHING THAT CLAIMS TO AFFECT PEOPLE'S HEALTH WITHOUT KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE SELLING I*

friend: If you want some more scientific information, I could maybe find someone who could help explain it to you. I just read a story recently on our message boards about a girl with a bunch of chronic illnesses who was healed from it, and her husband is a science teacher.

me: *rolling eyes, maybe it'll clear up my bad case of epilepsy*

friend: And as for the MLM comments, as a human on the inside who sees everything this company has to offer, this just isn't an MLM...by definition. But we're about network marketing and affiliate lines, totally not MLM.

friend: *goes off about how there's a HUGE difference between alkaline water and alkalized water*

me: *god i don't care about the water i only said all that to not directly say THIS IS A SCAM YOU'RE IN AN MLM DON'T QUIT YOUR JOB FOR THIS*

me instead: Okay well I'm sure you know more than me because you're more involved! I just skeptical of any type of networking where you have to like go down any sort of line or there's anyone at the top and it's about climbing.

friend: Our platform is super centered on genuine personal connection, like I don't go door to door, I just post my content (she's a YouTuber) and try to make a team and just...I can't think of the words...

friend: To just have this team and platform that's pure. I don't want their money. I want to help them change their life and be their mentor, if that makes sense.

friend: I totally understand your skepticism, but it's not about climbing on top of people or anything, it's just climbing in rank.

me: *christ am i actually trying to teach someone the definition of a word here*

friend: But if you have that mindset, maybe just...sales aren't your calling in life, which is 100% perfect for your journey and your life. But I hold the view that money is energy, and if you want to watch my friend Amelia, when she got her bonus she gave away $15,000 just because she could. These aren't evil people.

me: *she SAID she gave it away in a YOUTUBE VIDEO. give me receipts. also at the moment sales are my life i'm whoring myself out to 5 different colleges*

me instead: Wow, that's amazing!

friend: *sends me a link explaining alkalized water, source is the site from her company*

me: *leaves the chat*

[distrackles]

Resistance: Part 1

Dean Winchester x OFC

MASTERLIST

Despise /verb/: feel contempt or a deep repugnance for.

- B o -

This was so normal for us, me and Riley sitting at a bar at the end of a "hard" day. She'll continuously drink while I sit and have a few beers, neither of us ever get a buzz anymore. Bartenders almost without out fail will hit on her, and she'll most likely bring them back to the room we're staying at while I sit in the car, or even at the bar if her fling takes place in the vehicle itself. I never get mad and she always offers me a free pass the next morning to do the same to her one day, but I don't use it.

"Are you sure you're cool with this?" She asks me, as the guy she's been hitting on grabs his coat.

I nod. "Riley, honestly I don't care, it's your car anyway, try and text me if he turns out to be into anything weird. " She rolls her eyes, and downs her last drink.

"You want me to let you know just so you can get some of that, I know you're into some weird shit." Laughing, she stands up, as my middle finger shoots up. I mean anyone can enjoy a little weird, but I'm not gonna be fuel to her flame. She heads out with the guy and I pretend to busy myself reading the label on the full bottle of  beer in front of me. I usually do this until the bartender asks me if I'm alright, and then when I nod he gives me another bottle. This time I'm doing it because the guy on a stool away from me is glancing not so discretely at me every few seconds, and I don't feel like talking to anyone tonight.

"If you're gonna pretend to read that at least move your eyes a little." The guy says and my eyes flick up before I turn my head to look at him, familiar. "It would make it a little more believable."

" Maybe you wouldn't have noticed if you weren't staring so hard. " I bite back and he smiles. My hand is wet from condensation on the bottle, it's lost its chill as I drink from it. Thinking this man is gonna stop talking to me and just move on to annoy someone else was the first mistake I made. The second was when I actually acknowledged the fact that he had now moved to the stool where Riley was sitting.

"Is she your sister?" He asks, I roll my eyes. "I'm Dean, by the way." Dean Winchester, I think, of course he is. My silence gives him a moment to take another drink from his glass before he licks his lips.

"Hm, I expected Dean Winchester to be a little," I look him over for emphasis. "More intimidating." And then I smile slightly. His smirk made it obvious he wasn't the least bit offended by that, taking it more as a game.

"Should I know you?" Are his next words and I shake my head because it isn't likely, me and Riley keep to ourselves. Then again, he's a Winchester.

"Bo Shoemaker." And then I mentally curse myself because when the hell do I ever give my real last name. It's like that one rule totally left my mind. Dean's face seems to recognize it and he's just processing it, almost as if he'd be embarrassed if he said anything wrong.

"Shoemaker, as in-"

"Yeah, exactly." I cut in because I don't wanna hear his name out loud.

"So that girl, Riley Duncan I'm guessing?" I nod at that. "Bobby always says me and my brother-"

"That we're just like you and Sam, yeah I know and it's ridiculous." Once again he's cut off. "Look I should go, we gotta head out early tomorrow and it's my turn to drive." Liar.

Before Dean can say anything else I stand up, leave money, and walk out before conversation can go any further. I have no clue where I'm gonna go but honestly anything is better than having to discuss personal life. The spot our car was in is now empty, looking around at the last three cars left in the lot shows just how late it is. I scuff my boots against the pavement as I take short walks across the small area I'm given. My hands are shoved into my jacket pockets, and my breath fogs up the air in front of me. It's fucking freezing out here and I'm the coward that walked out just so I didn't have to face the truth. Dean wasn't innocent, but his curiosity was and all I had to do was say I didn't want to talk about it, of course he would have understood. I sit down on the curb of the sidewalk in front of the building, knowing Riley, I would be here a while.

His keys jingle as he approaches my side , and his booted feet crunch against some leaves when he steps off the curb to sit on it.

"I don't really want to talk about it. " I mumble, picking at the thread in my jeans. Dean doesn't say anything for a while, he only extends his legs in front of him.

"Yeah I get it, you need a ride anywhere?" He asks, looking at me.

"How long have they been gone?" I question, considering that it felt like ages since Riley had left me. Dean simply just shows me his wrist and the watch tells me it's been about an hour of me sitting out here.

"Yeah, the motel down the road." I answer his question and stand up at the same time as him. I can tell which car is gonna be his but I still wait for him to make the first move towards it before getting in the passenger side. We take the short drive to the motel, I thank him for the ride and get out as soon as I can.

"Hey, " I look back at him as he stands in the open doorway of his car. "What're you two in town for anyway."

"Not gonna let you steal our hunt Winchester." I smirk towards him and keep walking to our room. Giving the door a few knocks just to be safe, and hearing only the TV playing some ridiculously fake action film gives me the clear to go inside. Riley is on her bed, staring blankly at the screen. When she sees me the TV gets turned off, and her eyes close, she had been waiting for me to come back before she could comfortably fall asleep. The blankets are extremely thin, and my old shirt and shorts don't do much justice for any extra warmth. My eyes close, but I never fall asleep, as always.

.

The next morning we were up early, much to Riley's protest, in our smartest clothes, as we speak to some of the victim's family and friends. The guy's sister and roommate didn't have much information for us when I looked at the notes I took. I look up for just a second to acknowledge the waitress before looking back at my papers, the lady sets the plates down, it's mostly Riley's food anyway.

"Come on, take a break." She says with her mouth already full of pancake.

"We're missing so much yet I feel like it's right in front of our face." Dropping my pen, I replace it with my coffee mug and drink the rest of it.

" We'll figure it out." She assures and when I finally give her a real look her eyes are pointed in a direction outside. I turn my gaze to match hers and see her focus is on the Winchesters. I knew this would happen, I just had hoped I was wrong. What else would practically the most well known hunters be doing in a small town like this.

"Damn it, they're gonna take our hunt. " I groan.

"They can try, we were here first and I bet you got more of a lead anyway. " I go to argue because I know of Sam's records, and he's good at what he does when it comes to research, but Riley's chugging a cup of coffee and walking out the door before I can speak. Leaving a bit of money on the table and rushing to pack all my things up, I follow after her.

"Listen, what we had was great last night but that doesn't mean you can follow me." Is Riley's opening line towards Sam when I get out there, Dean laughs and Sam half smiles shaking his head. They're probably coming from where we just were based on the suits they're in. I finally reach her side and fix the strap of my bag on my shoulder. The boys look at me for a second before looking back at Riley who isn't done talking yet.

"This hunt is ours so don't even think about meddling in on us. "

"Hey, what's wrong with a little help?" Dean says with that smirk I already despise.

"We don't need help." I snap back at him. But then I get confused when Riley doesn't back me up.

"Bo, we could use some help, you said yourself that you didn't have enough, they might have what we're missing" She speaks quietly to me and I'm pissed because she's absolutely right and I still don't want their help.

"We're heading back to where we're staying, you guys can come with us and we'll see if we can piece anything together." Sam offers, the quiet conversation Riley was having with my ear probably wasn't too secret being we're only a few feet away.

"Yeah that's good, Sam come with me." And with that me and Dean are left standing there as Sam and Riley get in her car and drive off to the place. Dean goes to the passenger side of his car and opens the door for me, my eyebrows rise and he just shrugs. I get in the car with a huff and he shuts the door before getting in the drivers side and starting her up. The car ride is similar to last nights with no talking until we get to the motel they've been staying at.

The rest of the day and the late hours of the night are spent with me and Sam "geeking out" together, as Riley called it. Her and Dean just sat back and looked up anything we asked for. After all of us had gone through our fifth round of coffee Riley had called it a night and went to our room and an hour after that Sam headed to bed. I packed up my things roughly just to transport them to our room so I could continue working.

"Goodnight." Dean says when I try to leave without saying anything to him. I hardly glance over my shoulder and give a slight nod and a mumble before slipping out of the room and into ours.

-

"Bo, I don't see why it's so important to you that we do this on our own." Riley complains as I am trying to convince her to leave before we can meet up with the boys. Call me selfish, but I am feeling pretty confident that we have all the information we need after last night with Sam. Instead of answering her, I just start throwing her clothes that somehow managed to explode out of her bag within a night. I hear her groan and then go into the bathroom to get her other things. I slip out of the motel room to go load up the car with our duffel bags. Just as I shut the back car door, I look up to see Dean looking right back at me. What the hell? Why was he always around.

"What?" I ask, the question comes out a little more snarky than I intended. At first I had thought that I would get off easy when he just simply shook his head.

"Well, I definitely was comparing you more to Sam this whole time, but you and me seem to have some things in common too." He says with a sort of surprised tone. I roll my eyes, because the last thing I want is to be compared to Dean Winchester.

" I prefer to work alone too, just me and Sam." He finishes. I nod and decide to end this conversation as soon as I can.

"You should understand that it isn't personal then?" He nods at my comment this time. "Anyways, let's face it, we'll most likely cross paths again won't we? Hopefully it'll be a while" Dean laughs at that and heads back into his room. Riley comes out shortly after and we get in her car and head off to undergo the action of this hunt.

[thefreshfinds]

TOSO:

While TOSO's conscious ways are deemed as priceless, one can expect his overrall sound to be cheaper by the dozen! His range of topics (if measured) are off the scale. Nevertheless, he's fresh to death goddamnit!

In an instant the MC could be speaking on how we're robots in our modern society, "From the fact since I was young, I was raised to be a slave/Go to school, study math, beatings if my grades were bad. When all I really want to do is play some ball or write some raps../Hoping I can talk some real sh-t into all these little kids/What you're learning is from within. F-ck the system that was built. 'Cause real authority only comes after someones just been killed/True will is all it takes, turn yourself into a great." (Cant Stop Me). Then, TOSO can speak on how he's got varieties when it comes to his kush & women, "Have sex with b-tches in all 50 states/High everytime & it all feels the same/Yeah it's insane, rollin' them plain/ Quarter with me everywhere I go." (Fish Scale) or "When I do shows, f-ck h-es/Get checks (So Outstanding). However, it all comes down to the cadence he decides to use.

With this in mind, he says "The combination of meaning, cadence, flow & word choice is what makes for a good verse. A perfect verse will roll off your tongue perfectly without loosing breath. People should be able to understand your words & the flow you choose. Essentially your voice should be like another instrument on the beat." And so TOSO does his diligence to make a song for every mood.

On the other hand — the flow he chooses is stopped short. Simply, to keep a listener hung up on his choice of rhyme schemes. Yet TOSO's pride runs deep on creating #1 hits. 
"I love thinking about & creating new songs. But I love recording them even more." TOSO adds "Recording a song is like game-time to me. When I’m in the booth I know that all my practice has come down to that moment. I know whatever I do from that point on will be on record forever." All these components help TOSO to reach all audiences. At most, it's really unbiased.

Griginally from the suburbs of Lincoln, Rhode Island — TOSO is an independent hip hop artist who now resides in Los Angeles, California. Fond of his hometown's cheap rates, TOSO loves the fact that all of his friends & family are back there. But maybe (just maybe) they'll move to The Golden State? "Ever since moving to L.A I’ve realized how much more expensive things are in the West compared to the East Coast." he goes on to say "I’m sure if any of them had a chance to move to California they would in a heart beat."

Raised by parents who are migrants from Nigeria, he also has 1 older sister. In his earliest years, TOSO was involved in sports. However at 6 years old, he was involved a life threatening car accident that left him with a huge scar above his right eye. By college TOSO was playing Division 1 college basketball. Then he began taking music seriously & put his basketball career on halt to pursue it further.

Throughout the years he's loved writing. He would even write essays & create stories from his imagination. But TOSO took it further in middle school with song lyrics in middle school (which came naturally). He recalls his first time rapping in front of people in the 5th grade. It then followed with a couple of his friends asking him to freestyle for them. By high school TOSO was writing song lyrics to instrumentals. Then the MC found out quickly that he had a talent for making music; but was still serious about playing basketball & going to the NBA. So he decided to keep music as a hobby. Fast forward to TOSO's sophomore year of college when he had an apartment with some friends & basketball teammates. Suddenly TOSO had an ephiphany. For the long haul, TOSO wanted to start making music. "My teammates, Parris Massey, was also into making music & had a microphone set up in his room. Soon after moving in together, I would hang out with him whenever he recorded songs. During that summer Wiz Khalifa dropped “Kush & Orange Juice”, which had a huge influence on my life. I went from being a serious athlete to becoming a pot head musician. Most people saw this as a bad turn in my life, but I knew that If I worked hard I could turn my situation into a positive one." says TOSO.

Since then TOSO has been perfecting his craft & working on becoming the greatest rapper that’s ever lived. Ultimately his love for making music & hearing himself drove him to take it seriously. "I loved the reaction I got out of people when they heard my music. I loved the adrenaline that I felt after getting off stage at my first performance. I love the satisfaction of perfecting a song that I’ve heard in my head." A carefree being, TOSO keeps in mind that time is his to own! While he follows his intuition, he strays away from unneccesary drama. "In my music my message is that there’s no right or wrong way to live life." says TOSO "Enjoy your time as much as you can while you are here, effect the world the way you want to effect the world & let everything else play it’s part."

Likewise his music allows him to be honest & show people it’s ok to feel all sorts of emotions. It's very unpredictable. "Sometimes I’ll go through 500 beats in a day & only find 6 that I like. But usually out of those 6 I’ll be able to make a couple hit records." adds TOSO "After finding the beats comes the fun part. Writing song lyrics makes me feel as good as I use to feel when I played basketball. Coming up with a catchy metaphor is like hitting a nice jump-shot. Sometimes I’ll write a clever lines and get so excited about it that I scream out in joy. I love thinking about & creating new songs, and I love recording them even more." TOSO even says that writing lyrical verses & harmonizing are his biggest strengths. For him, writing lyrics & harmoninzing are like solving math equations. Harmonizing comes from his soul & he usually has no control over what harmony he uses because the different instrumentals dictate them. "Staking different melodies & harmonies are my favorite."

As artist, TOSO believes that they've got it all wrong. When it comes down to it, he says that in today's generation encouraging words, likes, shares, & attendance to shows are considered support. However artists expect their family & friends to do these things without hesitation. Honestly though, they are not required to. "Support comes from true fans who like you & your music. Make better music & present yourself a better way. The support will come." In addition TOSO wishes the current era would start a union that gathered all their fans & moved them in a positive direction. Fans need to get educated on the laws of their state & about banks. It's best to start a credit union. 

For all the upcoming artist — TOSO advises you to make clear-cut music & videos. Along with this, he encourages you to perform at any show they can & to network. Yet the most important piece is to know your worth.

Expect the interchangable MC to drop an album real soon. In his words, he's been working on his debut album titled “The Prophecy”for the past 3 years. It consist of his best work yet & has been the most difficult project he's ever worked on. "I feel like Jay-Z or J-Cole when they dropped their first album. Although I’m releasing it fully independent." TOSO goes on to say "I believe the music speaks for itself. Each song has a different vibe but the cohesive unit sounds like one sound. The best parts of the album are the instrumentals & the lyrics."

Moreover it took him 2 years to pick the beats on this album. "Each day I would go through over 100 beats & probably only wrote to 4 of them. Then after I had 20 songs written I would narrow it down to 3. I would repeat that until I had 15 songs. In the end I narrowed it down to 13 songs for the album. These are all my best songs and probably better than most the songs you hear on the radio. I plan to release this album this summer, but the date is still pending." 

Before the album TOSO will be releasing a single from the album called “The Best”. He says that this song is very uplifting & melodic. It's guaranteed to give everyone a good vibe. TOSO will also be releasing some tracks that didn’t make it on the album. "Even though they are not good enough to be on the album, I think they are still worthy enough to share with my fans." he says. The first release is titled “Can’t Stop Me” and can be heard HERE: https://song.link/i/1460102483w

By: Natalee Gilbert

LINK(s):

1. SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/therealtoso

2. Instagram: @therealtoso

3. YouTube: www.youtube.com/TheRealToso

4. Facebook: www.facebook.com/TheRealToso