#immediately incorporating this into my lexicon

[postmodernbisexual]

I am shitting. I am pissing. I am standing over a warm bubble bath cradling a toaster and sobbing, chanting g-d’s secret name and praying that there is indeed a hell.

[echthr0s]

just saw the phrase "wax onanistic" (in the same vein as "wax poetic" etc) and I'm 💀💀💀

[vulcanhello]

[onespookygoblin]

incorporating "Insha’allah it will die out before then." into my lexicon immediately

[jellybeanium124]

accidentally dm'd @in-a-slanted-outhouse "oof moof" and I intend to incorporate that into my lexicon immediately

[roboticchibitan]

Does anyone have easy access to that post that was like "the horrors are never ending, but so are the delights" because I took one look at that post and immediately incorporated it into my lexicon. Delights are the opposite of horrors now. And they're never ending, it's true. Just the way it is. Anyway I would like a screenshot of that post to keep.

[marislittlethings]

immediately incorporating this into my personal lexicon

I love it when people use "shrimp" to mean "beyond the human range". like "shrimp colors" but applied to other things. "shrimp emotions" "shrimp sounds" "shrimp morality", as if shrimp are living some kind of transcendent existence that humans can never comprehend

[serene-quill]

I just read something that referred to gender reveal parties as "junk alerts" and guess what I'm immediately incorporating into my personal lexicon?!?!!

[gidianthe]

obsessed w the union mandated yuri break post i incorporated that into my lexicon immediately

[outofgloom]

An update: The Matoran Dictionary, 3rd Edition

It has been a while since I posted anything conlang-related here, but I know that the Bionicle fandom survives in this place. Even though this blog has been relatively uneventful on the surface, I have actually been hard at work on the project that has developed, in my mind, into what I’m calling the 3rd Edition of the Matoran Dictionary.

If you read “3rd Edition of the Matoran Dictionary” and thought “what are you talking about” or “wait, where’s the 2nd Edition?”, then follow this link for many minutes or hours of reading about an incredibly niche part of the already very niche BIONICLE fandom.

For now, here is an explanation of what the Matoran Dictionary 3e project looks like:

On the world of Spherus Magna, many millennia have come and gone. Under the auspices of the Annoxtan Institute of Languages and Cultures, a team of linguists, historians, archaeologists, and agoropologists has been assembled, funded by grants from the educational initiatives of the System Adherency, to produce the definitive work on the ancient languages and dialects of the Mata System.

(a) 3e is a complete reimagining of the etymologies of the names/terms that exist within Generation 1 of BIONICLE. It aligns with the version of the Matoric Language that I have lately released (see here).

(b) 3e shares some features with 2e, but in general it is a separate work. Whereas 2e was written by a linguistics undergrad in the margins of lecture notes, 3e is written by the wizened future version of that linguistics undergrad, now typing on a keyboard, and with a somewhat better grasp of how this language thing works.

(c) these etymologies incorporate a large amount of work on dialects and language variants within the world of BIONICLE, both the world of the Matoran Universe and the world of Spherus Magna. The final version of 3e will include an explanation of these dialects and their interrelations. In particular, you will find many references to the other major work of BIONICLE conlanging I have undertaken, the Etymological Dictionary of the Agori Language, given that the languages of the MU are partly derived from the language of the Agori.

(d) many of the entries for name/place/item-designations will include  encyclopedic information fleshing out how that name originated, its dialectal provenance, and any other relevant lore. You may find some interesting tidbits included in these portions of the entries.

Although the project will not be fully complete any time soon, it has reached a stage of development where I feel good about showing some parts of it off. It is my intention to release some drafts of separate portions of 3e in the near future (names of Kanohi, names of locations, for example), so that people can get a taste of what it looks like.

For now, here is a description of the major languages & dialects that will be referenced. I’ve put all of this in a Google Doc as well, if you don’t want to read it on Tumblr: link here!

BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF DIALECTS

Proto-Matoric (PMtc.): The theoretical earliest form of the Matoran Language, artificially constructed by the Great Beings and preloaded into the base programming of Matoran units within the Mata System. Consists of a finite-but-expandable lexicon and a small set of recursive combinatorial operations. Forms in Proto-Matoric are unattested (marked with *), being reconstructed by comparison amongst descendant dialects within the Mata System and within the Agoric language family (Old Agoric and descendants). The lexical stems of PMtc. are, in large part, selected from forms existing in historical variants of Agoric utilized by the Great Beings: Proto-Agoric (PAgc.), early Old Agoric (eOAgc.), and Praetar Agoric (Prtc.).

Archaic Matoric (AMtc.): The earliest attested form of the Matoran Language, immediate descendant of Proto-Matoric (PMtc.). The label AMtc. is more precisely a cover-term for a range of linguistic variants manifesting across a wide geographic area and time-depth in the early Mata System. Variation in AMtc. is the result of the process by which the abstract internal forms of the base linguistic system (represented by PMtc.) were externalized and articulated by individuals within populations. A variety of additional lexical items were “transplanted” from Old Agoric (OAgc.) as a result of some contact (likely unintended by the Great Beings) between AMtc.-speaking populations and users of OAgc. in the pre-launch period. All major dialects and dialect groups are descended from AMtc., except where noted.

Inscribed Archaic Matoric (IAM): Forms attested in early inscriptions left by the Great Beings in areas such as the Bohrok Nests of the Cranial Region, the chambers of the Mangaia, Valmaia, and elsewhere. Inscribed Archaic Matoric represents a variant of language somewhere between Proto-Matoric and Archaic Matoric, and the inscriptions themselves show evidence of orthographic conventions and abbreviations utilized by the Great Beings.

North Matoric (NMtc.): Primary dialect of Metru Nui and associated areas. The dialect is comparatively conservative, preserving many aspects of Archaic Matoric, while also incorporating innovated forms from other dialects, and has the status of a lingua franca within the Cranial, Acromial, and Superventral regions (“far north”, “upper northern”).

Metru Matoric (MMtc.): Descendant of North Matoric; cover-term for the diverse dialects originating in the subregions of the city of Metru Nui. The most notable representative of Metru Matoric is the Le-Matoran dialect of “Chutespeak”.

North Insular Matoric (NIsl.): Regional dialect-group of the individual islands and island chains of the Superventral (“upper northern”) region (excluding the Northern Continent), somewhat localized toward the Dextral Lateral (“northwest”); historically associated with the ancient Kingdom of Kalmah.

North Continental Matoric (NCtl.): Primary dialect of the Northern Continent (excluding the Tren Krom Peninsula), covering the (Medial) Superventral (“northern”, “upper northern”) regions; historically associated with the ancient Kingdom of Pridak.

Tren Krom Peninsular Matoric (TKP): A dialect of the Northern Continent, originating in the Tren Krom Peninsula region. The dialect exhibits features of both Northern Continental Matoric (NCtl.) and southern dialects (likely as a result of influence by the Makuta in the post-Matoran Civil War period).

South Insular Matoric (SIsl.): Regional dialect-group of the individual islands and island chains of the Ventral (“southern”) region (excluding the Southern Continent); exhibits many instances of contact with South Continental Matoric (SCtl.) and northern dialects, esp. North Insular Matoric (NIsl.).

South Continental Matoric (SCtl.): Primary dialect of the Southern Continent, covering the full Ventral and Sub-/Inferioventral (“southern”, “far south”) regions; historically associated with the ancient kingdoms of Mantax and Carapar, as well as with the Makuta Collective and its associates.

Far South Regional Matoric (FSRg.): Regional dialect-group of the individual islands and island chains of the Subventral (“lower southern”) region; historically associated with the ancient Kingdom of Carapar.

Austral Matoric (AuMtc.): Regional dialect-group of the individual islands and island chains of the Sinestral Brachial (“eastern corridor”) region; historically associated with the ancient kingdom of Takadox.

Occidental Matoric (OcMtc.): Regional dialect-group of the individual islands and island chains of the Dextral Brachial (“western corridor”) region; historically associated with the ancient domain of Artakha.

Archaic Aquatic Matoric (AAqc.): The earliest attested form of the Aquatic Matoric dialect, coeval with (and possibly derived from) Archaic Matoric (AMtc.). The label AAqc. is more precisely a cover-term for a range of linguistic variants manifesting amongst the various aquatic and amphibious species in the early Mata System.

Aquatic Matoric (Aqc.): Primary dialect associated with species inhabiting the undersea regions of the universe, esp. localized in the Superventral (“upper northern”) region; historically associated with the ancient Kingdom of Ehlek.

Proto-Agoric (PAgc.): A reconstructed stage of the Agoric branch of the Spherus Magnan Language, also labelled Deep-Proto-Agoric; the deep-time ancestor of Old Agoric (OAgc.). Forms in PAgc. are listed as unattested (marked with *). This form of language was utilized in work by the Great Beings (such as the construction of the Proto-Matoric language) even though it had not been spoken by populations on Spherus Magna for anywhere from 300 to 900 millennia before the Shattering (400-1000k). It has been speculated that the Great Beings’ access to and subsequent use of Proto-Agoric was a result of their development of technologies allowing psychometric and transtemporal perception.

Old Agoric (OAgc.): A widespread dialect functioning as a lingua franca across a wide area of Spherus Magna in the period preceding the Shattering, spoken by both the Great Beings (in addition to their use of Proto-Agoric) and their associates. A variety of lexical items were “transplanted” from OAgc. as a result of some contact (likely unintended by the Great Beings) between populations speaking Archaic Matoric and users of OAgc. in the pre-launch period. The dialects of Common Agoric (CAgc.), West Agoric (WAgc.) and North Agoric (NAgc.) descend from OAgc. in the post-Shattering period.

ABBREVIATIONS KEY:

Proto-Matoric (PMtc.), Archaic Matoric (AMtc.), Inscribed Archaic Matoric (IAM), North Matoric (NMtc.), Metru Matoric (MMtc.), Ga-Metru Matoric (GaMtc.), Le-Metru Matoric (LeMtc., “Chutespeak”), Onu-Metru Matoric (OnMtc.), Po-Metru Matoric (PoMtc.), Ta-Metru Matoric (TaMtc.), North Insular Matoric (NIsl.), North Continental Matoric (NCtl.), Tren Krom Peninsula (TKP), South Insular Matoric (SIsl.), South Continental Matoric (SCtl.), Far South Regional Matoric (FSRg.), Austral Matoric (AuMtc.), Occidental Matoric (OcMtc.), Archaic Aquatic Matoric (AAqc.), Aquatic Matoric (Aqc.), Proto-Agoric (PAgc.), Old Agoric (OAgc.).

[inquisitiveheretic]

new favorite phrase i will be incorporating this into my daily lexicon immediately

[bocceclub]

Ariahd backstory part 1

First we need a lexicon because hooo boy I did not realize how many made up words there are in this thing. Also before that I should probably explain that Ariahd is a character from my Mediterranean-analog high fantasy setting. He’s one of my oldest ocs (and probably the one I’m most attached to), having come into being when I was going through my Earthsea/Dragonriders of Pern/Inkheart Trilogy phase in middle school. Wow I just dated myself. Anyway here’s the lexicon.

Issadai: The planet where all this shit takes place. Its name means “everything that is”

Mysska: Largest continent on Issadai, has a large sea in the middle of it called the Mysskaean Sea.

Mysskaean: Region of Mysska surrounding the Mysskaean Sea. Roughly equivalent to earth’s Mediterranean region in regards to climate and cultures that inhabit it.

Dymaexei: A large, mountainous peninsula that juts out into the Mysskaean Sea. Home to a dozen or more city-states, split into east and west by the Razka Mountains.

Dymae: The people of Dymaexei, also used as an adjective to describe anything originating in Dymaexei

Yianlai Empire: A vast empire that encompasses most of the Mysskaean. It was founded by the Yianlai, a culture of horsemen from the deserts of southeastern Mysska.

Eshtar-Neph: A loose alliance of maritime cities along the eastern coast of the Mysskaean Sea, all that remains of the late Eshtari Empire. Made up of three distinct cultural groups: the Eshtari, the Nephiri, and the Ossuans

Mages: Magic-users who draw power only from their own life-force. Most people of Issadai can work magecraft to some degree.

Sorcerers: Magic-users who draw power from their surroundings. It takes training and dedication to become an accomplished sorcerer. The Yianlai consider sorcery blasphemous, as it is believed to invite possession by evil spirits.

Warlocks: A culturally specific type of sorcerer; they served as priests and mystics in the ancient religion of the north, which incorporated dragon-worship.

Walking One: A chimera produced by the fusion of a human and dragon soul--essentially a dragon in a human body. Revered as living gods in the ancient northern cultures.

Okay now that you’re up to speed here’s Ariahd’s backstory

The Yianlai believe dragons are the offspring of the god of choas, their goddess Valena's greatest enemy. When the Yianlai Empire invaded and conquered the north, their dragon-hunters began killing off the high dragons, until there was only one small population left in the Razka Mountains of Dymaexei. A warlock from the city-state of Leknos stumbled upon an orphaned clutch of high dragon eggs in the high mountains. The mother had been killed by dragon-hunters while defending her nest. Although luckily the eggs had remained hidden from the hunters, they had gone without being warmed by the mother for so long that, despite the warlocks’ attempts to save them, all but one of the developing dragonets died in their eggs. Ariahd, the only one of his broodmates to survive, was carefully nurtured to hatching by the warlocks. He formed a fast connection with Enos, the young daughter of the head warlock, who helped her father care for him after he hatched. As he grew they became close friends, communicating by writing, since as a dragon Ariahd had no ability to form human-like speech. He and Enos altered the Dymae alphabet into cruder forms that would be easier for him to scratch into the dirt with his claws, and even invented pictograms, creating their own shorthand script.

The imperial occupation of Dymaexei meant that Ariahd’s existence had to be kept a secret. Because of this, he grew up very sheltered, unable to venture beyond the high walls of the monastery, his only knowledge of the outside world coming from stories told by the warlocks, and the travelers’ accounts that Enos found in the library and read aloud to him. The two would occasionally sneak out to fly in the mountains surrounding the city, careful to stay under cover of darkness.

While his earlier years were happy enough, as he grew older he began to become aware of the fact that he was likely one of the last of his kind, which effected him deeply. Over the years, as Enos joined the order’s ranks as a novitiate and then as a fully fledged warlock, Ariahd also came to envy her freedom and the ease with which her human form allowed her to move through the world. The warlocks began teaching her how to create the intricate murals they used as meditation guides, and she often practiced drawing the forms when she and Ariahd were together. Whenever she wasn’t around he would try over and over to draw like she did, but no matter how much he practiced, with his beast’s forelegs he could only manage crude scratches. As she grew older and learned magic of increasing difficulty and complexity, her formidable skill with sorcery was also a source of jealousy for him. He knew he had it in him to be just as powerful, but his dragon’s form was ill-suited to working the complex rituals of human sorcery.

Years passed, and as Ariahd neared thirty years old--still a child in dragon years--he became increasingly restless; as Enos’ duties within the order kept her occupied, he took to wandering the mountains alone, straying further and further from the monastery each time. On one such flight, unbeknownst to him he was spotted by imperial troops. Soon imperial inquisitors were dispatched to Leknos, with orders to dispose of Ariahd and execute the warlocks both for practicing sorcery, a heresy, and for sheltering a dragon. The monastery was attacked, and in an act of rash bravery Ariahd flew out to try to confront the attackers directly. He managed to kill a number of imperial troops but was mortally wounded himself; the distraction he provided allowed a large number of the order, including Enos, to escape into the mountains with the preserved dragon souls. 

The remaining warlocks dragged the dying Ariahd back behind the safety of the monastery walls. Desperate, in agony, and afraid, he begged them to preserve his soul in a vessel to keep him from truly dying. The warlocks agreed. After performing the ritual, they hid Ariahd’s soul vessel in the relic vault, which was located deep in the maze of catacombs carved into the massive rock bluff the monastery sat on. They resealed the relic vault, then committed ritual suicide rather than be tortured and executed by the inquisitors.

Ariahd's soul laid dormant, trapped in its vessel in the vault as the years went by. Fifty years later, it was discovered by a Nephiri sorcerer, Yupal. On the run from inquisitors, she had fled across the Mysskaean Sea to Dymaexei and settled in Leknos thirteen years before, where she took up a new identity, married a Leknosian man, and had a daughter, Lys. When Lys was thirteen, the Great Plague struck the Mysskaean. After ravaging coastal Dymaexei, it reached Leknos, carried by those fleeing the ports, whose streets were littered with the dead and dying. In no time it began running its way through the city; Yupal and her family fell ill, and her husband succumbed to the Plague, leaving her and their daughter alone and close to death. Desperate to save Lys’ life, she broke into the relic vault in the monastery, hoping she'd be able to find something there to heal her. She sensed the strong magic emanating from Ariahd's soul vessel, and stole it. By the time she had returned home, Lys had died. In desperation she attempted to use necromancy to channel Ariahd's life force to resurrect her child, but accidentally opened a conduit that allowed his soul to enter the girl’s body and fuse with her soul, creating the last Walking One.

 Ariahd was taken to the monastery’s infirmary, where the monks were doing their best to heal the gravely ill. For days he lay in a deep sleep, as the two souls within his body fused into one, and the monks caring for him feared he would die. Finally, he awoke. Unable to speak or write with his new hands, he had no way of telling the monks who he was or what had happened. At a loss, the monks asked Phare, a senior monk and accomplished healer, to attend to him. She had been a novitiate before the inquisitors’ attack on the monastery and the warlocks’ extermination, and when she used magic to examine Ariahd’s soul she realized immediately what he was. Phare informed the monks, and they made the decision to take him in (along with countless other children orphaned by the Plague), and began teaching him to be human.

[deadendtabletop]

A SYSTEM AGNOSTIC MAGIC ITEMS POST

Gemstone of renewal Considered to be a true source of immortality, the gemstone keeps the user alive by fusing with their being. As long as the gemstone remains fused to the user, they will immediately be revived by any trauma but will not regenerate any lost limbs, prevent their aging, cure diseases, purge poisons or help them recover to full health. In the event that the wielder's body is atomized, the gemstone will keep the user alive and somehow aware, until its effects are undone by an appropriately powerful magical effect. The black hand of Aver Null When Aver-Null, high deathspeaker, perished on his final battle, his body was paraded across the length and breadth of the kingdom, where his body was picked apart by the pious and the overly zealous that came to view it. These body parts were gradually incorporated into a number of magical workings and items, leaving just his blackened hand as the last remaining vestige of his mortal remains. Magical users that wish to invoke the powers of the hand of Aver Null can break away a finger to bring a single powerful necromantic effect into being or use them to incorporate into a suitably powerful artifact. At this time, its little finger and its nails are missing, presumably having already been used by an industrious adept. Ever-Hammer This blacksmith’s hammer allows the user to create masterwork armour and weapons, even if they have never worked metal before. The catch? Once they start they cannot stop. Ever. After claiming the lives of its first few users the hammer was hidden away, to prevent further loss of life. However it was eventually uncovered and put to use once again. However this time its owner is a cruel slave master, who forces disobedient or otherwise useless slaves to use it, to milk as much possible profit out of them before they inevitably perish. The blade encarmine Despite its name, the blade encarmine is not in itself a weapon but instead an intelligent curse that infects its wielder's blood. When the blad encarmine wishes to assist its user, its shoots out of the wielder's body, taking the shape of a magical weapon that is appropriate to their situation which can harm even magiacally augmented creatures or otherworldly beings. This harms the wielder considerably and could tear older wounds. The blade, however, is also affected by its host's emotions while possessing a sort of intelligence and could lash out at someone that draws the host's ire or even attack a friend that attempts to remove it. In the event of the wielder's death, the blade can renaimate the body for a limited time, until it can infect a new host. Navel of Worlds A small grey pebble, looks like nothing really. Is much heavier than it appears. It can be used once a year to open up a portal to another plane of existence, and must then be given to a stranger on that plane for it to work again next year. The portal will be open for anyone of the opener’s choosing, until the next dawn. The Aeon Vambrace An ancient artifact of immense power, the Aeon Vambrace offers complete invlulnerability to its wearer's forearms and them alone, leaving the rest of the body susceptible to harm. This aspect has caused the rumor of an Aeon set of armor to exist, which makes the wearer functionally invincible and grants them a number of extraordinary powers as well. While there is no truth to these rumors, seekers of the set will often try to steal or gain ownership of the Vambraces, hoping that this will somehow unearth the remaining parts of the artifact. Amulet of Roses Created by an ancient order of assassins against a group of vampiric tyrants, the Amulet of Roses makes the user's blood and fluids highly caustic to any undead being. Prolonged use of the Amulet can cause the wearer to "flower", with rose-like growths blossoming over wounds, up to roots sprouting from their heels, rooting them to the spot. Any wearer that dies while wearing it will explosively blossom into a rose bush, the blossoms and wood of which repel the undead. The candle of dawn Seemingly mundane, the candle of dawn burns with a different magical fire depending on the spoken command word: The first causes a blade of silvery flame to whip out of the wick, grievously harming creatures of the night and the undead. The second command word causes the candle to shed an ord of bluish light that repels demonic and otherworldly entities. The third command word causes the candle to release a burst of golden light, instantly undoing any nearby illusions. Any use significantly consumes the wax of the candle, which is irreplaceable. Some say that it is the last remaining part of an ancient safegard against the Night Court, but those warnings go largely unheeded. Folly Intelligence-eating invaders from another plane of existence, the Folly disguise themselves as magical items of considerable power and appear to be so at first glance. Wearers that wield of use the Folly become absolutely convinved that these items are the real deal and will rationalize why an effect may have failed in any way possible, except by blaming the Folly itself. The effect persists until the Folly has turned he user into a helpless bumbling idiot, at which point it leads its weilder to a convenient position and consumes them, fueling their transformation to their next form to lure a new victim. Logovos An ancient Elvish long bow, said to be the first bow of the summer court. The wood is always blooming with small flowers and smells of long summer day. Legend says the wielder of the bow has the right to challenge for the seat of summer and rule the court. A Vorpal Sword named Pookie The last word to remain from the deadly lexicon of a forgotten civilization, Pookie is an intelligent sword reprusposed from an enchanted executioner's axe. While the sword remains as lethal as ever, with the ability to even cut through magical barriers with minimal effort, it is very much embarassed of its name (which it is compelled to utter when asked) and will avoid speaking unless circumstances force it to. Bagful of heads Used by necromancers to complete spells requiring skulls, or other parts of a humanoid head. Works like a Bag of Holding, in that the user can request a specific part of the head, and heads will not rot while inside the bag. Bagful of Heads will not be able to be used by anyone without an Evil alignment, and will use teeth at the opening of the bag to bite hands of non-Evil PCs attempting to use the Bagful of Heads. Heads must be furnished to the bag by the Evil PC, if a particular type of humanoid head is needed. Also useful for bounty hunters. Holds up to 50 regular sized human-type heads, or 10 Giant-sized heads. Bag remains the weight of one human head, no matter how full. If the bag becomes empty, a new head must be provided in 24 hrs, or the empty Bagful of Heads will attempt to eat the owner's head in one yawning bite once per hour until a new head is found for the bag. Signet Ring of Chaos Intended for use by michievous individuals or agents of Chaos, the signet ring will always create the illusion of the user possessing a rank that will more effectively allow them to spread dissent. When used to seal a document, the seal will not only produce an almost perfect replica of the intended seal but will alter the sealed document for maximum discord. These effects remain in place as long as the signet ring is worn and persist even after the wielder has perished. When a new wielder tries the ring, the events 'reshuffle', making them excellent choices for destroying historical or other records. These effects are beyond the agent's control however and may shift, often putting their own lives or missions at risk in the process. Collapsible Hive karak of Tammaz was an eccentric even amoungst enchanters. This however was one of his great breakthroughs. It is a golden figurine of a bee, about 4 inches long and immaculately detailed. When a woman who has had children wipes the figurines eyes with honey, it comes alive and multiplies into thousands of copies of itself, made of golden light. In the next hour, they will make a beehive that is about 20 feet tall and 50 feet wide from golden light and local materials. The person who activated the bee, anyone she touches on the eyes with honey, and any of her family or lovers will be welcomed and protected by the magical bee constructs, and fed a nourishing but sickly sweet honey. Anyone else who comes near will be viciously attacked. The next day the bees will industriously take the hive apart, and return bact to the initial figurine. The Reaper’s Mask A featurless sheet mask that covers the entirety of the wearer's face, the Reaper's Mask allows them to converse with the dead and interact with ghotly presences, as long as the user makes sure to dip the Reaper's Mask in blood regularly. However, the Mask attracts predators from the afterlife as well as overly ambitious necromancers, not to mention the original Reaper, who doesn;t appreciate the fact that their mask has been misplaced. Picky the Lockpick A lockpick once wielded by a legendary thief, picky instantly undoes any lock with minimal effort, up to and including magical locks, arcane barriers or metaphorical locks, like repressed memories or past lives. However, Picky ocassionally requires venting by its wielder. Failure to do so results in an explosive lockpick that undoes any kind of binding, attunements or containment measures within a very large area with possibly catastrophic results. Wizard burger Made of real ancient wizard (supposedly). The pickles humm and crackle, and the cheese whispers. When consumed, gain 100 temporary hit points, +12 to AC, and a faint onion aroma. Spell fades after four hours, and the eater of said burger gains poisoned status for another four hours. This can not be removed my magical means. If a non-wizard eats it, nothing happens.

Horn of doom or glory (1 remaining charge)     The horn was a gift from a god saddened by the deaths in a battle. It has been coveted by armies in dire situations snd changed the fate of many great events. When one blows the horn, the mightiest member of the opposition is magically compelled to enter into a duel with the user. No one else will have the strength to intervene. The winner of this duel turns the entire coflict in their favour, and the god curses the losers. The losing side's strength flees them. Their morale breaks. They become lambs to the slaughter. The scarlet standard Once the shroud of a child-king, whose mother attempted to resurrect in defiance of the gods, after he was tragically slain in his very first battle, the scarlet standard has the power to restore the dead to life but at the risk of incurring the gods' wrath. Any dead person wrapped with the standard will return to the land of the living but will be plagued by vermin, find that the earth they step upon is blighted or inexplicably drive those he meets into fits of rage. However, they will find that they are far more capable of placating the undead or the damned, who will consider them kindred spirits, of sorts. While this does not alter the resurrected person's character, it may very well cause them to cross paths with previously friendly and more pious champions they might have thought as friends. The forgotten prince's crown The most prized possession in the Beggar Lord's hoard, the Forgotten Prince's Crown allows the wearer to assume the form of a noble warrior, his name and deeds lost to history and time. While wearing the crown, the wearer is whisked away to a pocket realm, where their body is mended of its ails and wounds and they are pampered by beutiful otherworldly presences. While in the pocket dimension, they assume the role of the forgotten prince, walking in a perfectly sculted body and speaking with a voice that commands even the bests of the field into submission. They are returned back home the next day and while their wounds remain healed, their chronic ailments return within the next few hours, the experience lingering in their minds during the weeks it takes the crown to recharge. Archbeatous, the Geomancers Warhammer An enchanted menhir infused with a trapped elemental, Archbeatous guards the entrance to the Sepulchre of the Old One, smashing any grave robbers or cultist that venture to close to the UR-god. During the centuries, archbeatous has picked up a number of songs and can be heard humming a jig while smashing invaders to bits. A small cult of roving strongmen have also gathered around the Archbeatous, which enjoys the company as they use it to measure their strength against each other. Pickled Seer This seer that has been pickled can be consumed for temporary ability to see A) into the future B) a remote location or person or C) a person’s or object’s past. Bardoon's Instant Transposer This small silver box with engraved with caterpillar and butterfly imagery looks like it would only hold an item no larger than a fist, however the enchantment allows it to hold much more, similar to a bag of holding. unlike a bag of holding though, this item allows you to imprint an object using a command word, thereafter any objects you put in the box should they be made of the same materials, will be transposed into the shape of the imprinted object, for example, if one imprints a longsword to the boxes memory and then tosses in some steel wood and leather, they would be able to pull an exact replica of the imprinted object. Morgan’s Perilous Oddity The item always remains hidden, either obscured by a veil, stashed away in a box or hidden inside a bag. While in this state, the item is impossible to describe. Those exposed to the item are unwilling to do so and any attempts to divine its nature or specifics always result in failure. Exposing the item to another living, intelligent being always results in an extreme, catastrophic reaction: some fall to their knees at the sight of it, while others will go berserk and attempt to destroy it or the wielder. There appears ot be no connecting thread or means to deinfe what results in these reactions. After having been exposed, the item will obscure itself once again, inside another container or via other means. Book of the Mother A book of children’s stories and nursery rhymes that when read aloud to a small child at dusk will cause the child to be comforted and sleep soundly. The child is also bound to the reader for ever and will be at a disadvantage to disobey requests made by the reader until the enchantment is broken.

[absurdly-useful]

Fruit fly fandoms. The show and hype live for around ten days before they die.

I'll go ahead and incorporate that into my lexicon immediately.

One thing about the WGA Strike is that Onion article was kinda right. Hollywood shot themselves in the foot with their current standard of cancelling every show people like to produce more and more short-term novelty.

It’s not like we have tons of shows ending on cliffhangers waiting for season six anymore. Due to their greed, they’ve personally taken long-term viewer investment outside and shot it and now they can’t count on it for negotiating power. What are viewers going to be mad about missing out on? The Twilight reboot? Another Star Wars spin-off? Several promising pilot seasons on Netflix with great representation that were already produced and cancelled before they aired and would’ve been even if the strike hadn’t happened?

[tlbodine]

What Measure is a Gothic?

Genre definitions are slippery things, prone to moving and changing to meet the needs of a growing body of work and the common usage of the folks who like to talk about things. This can lead to confusion as terms start to get thrown out that nobody’s really defining, creating a lot of “I know it when I see it” spots on the lexicon. 

I feel like Gothic is in that spot now. 

When you call something “Southwest Gothic” or “Canadian Gothic” or “Urban Gothic” or whatever else, that immediately evokes a kind of aesthetic or sensibility and all of us can maybe kind of see what it is that you mean by it but...what the hell is gothic, anyway? 

The Origins of Gothic Literature 

The first book categorized as a gothic is The Castle of Otranto by Horace Walpole. But you’re probably more familiar with later gothic and gothic-inspired tales such as Wuthering Heights or The Fall of the House of Usher. 

You can follow the historical development of the Gothic over at Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gothic_fiction 

Here’s a part I think is key: 

The name Gothic refers to the (pseudo)-medieval buildings, emulating Gothic architecture, in which many of these stories take place.

Gothic literature is defined first and foremost by its setting, and the aesthetic qualities therein. 

Characteristics of Gothic Fiction 

Loosely speaking, a Gothic is characterized by: 

A heavy focus on setting-as-character; stories where the setting is an integral part of the plotline 

Brooding, atmospheric writing with a focus on description (as necessary for bringing that setting to life) 

Flirtation with the supernatural (that may or may not have a mundane explanation) 

A sense of opulence and decay -- ie, a place that was once great and powerful but has since fallen into ruin 

We see these same characteristics popping up in Southern Gothic -- see the works of William Faulkner or V.C. Andrews, for example (or read up here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Southern_Gothic) 

Southern Gothic has a political bite to it, often criticizing the culture of the Deep South, but all of the ingredients are there: The crumbling old plantations, the old money, the magical realism, the moral and literal decay of towns and their townfolk. 

So You Want to Write a Gothic...

Not all gothics are horror, of course, but I think the modern sense of them tends to lean that way. If they’re not straight horror, modern gothics at least flirt with horrible and horrific things. The earliest Gothics were often Romanticized, looking back on the past with rose-colored lenses, but I think the general sense for the last couple centuries has been more cynical of the past. 

But if you distill it down to its barest essentials, you’ll find that you can make anything into a Gothic. Here are the steps: 

Choose a specific setting, ideally one that used to be powerful or wealthy but isn’t anymore 

Identify the key qualities that make that setting unique and build up rich atmospheric details in the writing incorporating those specific qualities 

Give that setting some inherent magic or superstition that’s woven into the fabric of local culture 

Populate your setting with characters who have been intimately shaped (and possibly warped) by that place 

Introduce an outsider character who sees this place from a different angle and can be disturbed by the way everybody else views the place as normal. 

I think you’ll find, with a bit of thinking and exploration of history, that all manner of things can get the Gothic treatment -- from old manors on the moors to Route 66 ghost-towns. 

And, yes, by my guidelines, the movie Cars absolutely qualifies as a Gothic. Make of that what you will. 

[identybeautynet]

Every Kardashian Explains Exactly How They Lost Weight Over the Years

Every Kardashian Explains Exactly How They Lost Weight Over the Years The Kardashians are truly the epitome of the term "household name." The family's makeup, aesthetic, attire, and physiques have spawned fan accounts, clothing lines, workout apps, blogs, and billion-dollar beauty empires. Of course, the reality stars are privileged in terms of their access to money, physical trainers, private chefs, etc. But they've also been very vocal with their fans throughout the years about their various healthy eating habits, how they stay fit, and even how they've lost weight—and kept it off. Read on to learn some of the Kardashians' top weight loss philosophies. But, since nutrition and health aren't always "one size fits all," be mindful of immediately incorporating any of these tips into your dietary lexicon. For more, check out these 200 Best Weight Loss Tips. Dimitrios Kambouris / Staff / Getty Images All of the Kardashian women swear by drinking boatloads of water, and for good reason. Staying hydrated has a ton of benefits, some of which include aiding in digestion and weight loss, and helping you to feel fuller throughout the day. In a recent Instagram story, Khloe Kardashian posted about what she adds to her water to make drinking it even more enjoyable: "… fresh ginger, fresh mint leaves, cucumber, lemon, and oranges…I was going to stop there, but I did add a couple of grapefruit slices. So happy hydrating!" Related: Sign up for our newsletter for the latest healthy eating advice. Jamie McCarthy / Staff / Getty Images The Kardashians love to drink tea—either hot or iced—as evidenced by multiple interviews. Scientific study after study has shown that tea is healthful in general, and can also help boost weight loss. Kourtney Kardashian even waxes poetic about the beverage in this Poosh post, noting that "green tea is the grassy and fresh ritualistic elixir of the ages." She also shares her favorite apple tea recipe here. Related: This Is The #1 Best Tea to Drink fupp/Bauer-Griffin / Contributor / Getty Images The reality stars seem to be very committed to starting their day with a healthy breakfast—especially if it can be a rich, nutritional smoothie. Kourtney's site Poosh shares her favorite recipe: An avocado smoothie that swaps honey for dates—to account for sweetness—which also adds a boost of fiber. Related: The 25 Best-Ever Weight Loss Smoothies Dave Kotinsky / Getty Images This goes without saying, but exercise is a huge component of the Kardashians' health and wellness regimen. They all have trainers and often work out up to five days per week—sometimes even twice a day! Khloe recently told People that exercise is "a stress reliever" that gives her the "little oomph" that she needs to get through the day. "I don't care about the scale. I feel energized and I'm ready to chase my daughter." David M. Benett / Getty Images The Kardashians swear by eating both protein and fiber at mealtime, which are healthy diet staples that fill you up, keep you satiated, and help build strong muscles. Kim Kardashian shared in a 202o Tweet that some of her go-to choices are: "oatmeal and vegan sausage for breakfast, vegan tacos are my fave for lunch! Salads are good too!" Related: The Best Essential Foods to Eat for Weight Loss. Presley Ann / Getty Images Over the years, Kim has tried diet after diet—from Atkins to keto to plant-based—and has reported back to inform her followers how each one has worked for her. Naturally, some have worked better for her than others, as is the case for everyone who's testing out a new way of eating. That's why it's important to listen to your body and note how it's reacting to the foods you're eating. Ari Perilstein / Getty Images The Kardashians know what they love when it comes to food, but are up for finding healthier alternatives. For instance, in a 2018 tweet, Kourtney espoused swapping out soda for kombucha—a great idea! Related: 40 Food Swaps That Cut Thousands of Calories Getty Images / Stringer In her book, Strong Looks Better Naked, Khloe notes: "You're not allowing yourself to enjoy the food you love, and it will only make you want it that much more. Make smart lifestyle changes, one baby step at a time." Meaning: If she wants that pizza, she's going to go ahead and have it! That's part of having a healthy and balanced diet. JC Olivera / Getty Images As everyone knows, you can be eating well and staying active, but if you're really stressed, that can take its toll on your weight. With their busy schedules, the Kardashians know the importance of taking care of themselves psychologically, mentally, and emotionally, as well as physically. Frazer Harrison / Staff Research shows that getting adequate sleep is integral to healthy living and crucial for weight loss. As this study notes, not getting  enough quality Z's can lead to you consuming more food. (Here's some helpful advice for improving your sleeping habits.) For more, check out 40 Best and Worst Foods to Eat Before Sleep. Read the full article