#imma try to do better
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also guys, don’t me afraid to shoot me a lil ask wondering/reminding me about other works i do… i know i tend to bounce around so it’ll help me get back on track instead of forgetting/starting a new project out of nowhere *cough* Father Charlie *cough*
#xani-speaks#father charlie mayhew x reader#bnha x reader#xani writes: know no evil#odysseus x calypso!reader#xani writes: i love robot#fics#one shots are everywhere tbh#I swear this doesn’t happen (read: it does)#ngl I’ve been badly organized for as long as I could remember#alarms/schedules just don’t cut it; I end up just pressing ignore and get on with my day 😭😭#imma try to do better#procrastination
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I haven't thought much about Jonathan Sims for long enough that I kinda feel like I've started thinking about him a little more divorced of the emotional attachment I might have had once. Because I just saw a post lamenting his slow descent into inhumanity and losing his identity, becoming the archivist rather than Jonathan Sims, losing his friends, his house, everything he loves.
But is that true? That put upon head archivist persona he had in the beginning, was that really him? The way I see it, real life has already leached him of any identity he might have had, he didn't really have friends, Tim and Sasha clearly weren't, as we saw in their season 5 recording. He chose to make them his subordinates over beib friends, pushed away Georgie, he became so desperate for approval that he agreed to take a job he clearly has no idea how to do, let his stress over it isolate him from everyone around him, had a desperate need to assert himself in the beginning of every recording as 'head archivist of the Magnus institute london'. Forget about even having a home, he often slept in his office for heaven's sake.
The way I see it, this story is about him finding himself, finding the perfect place for himself in this already doomed world that was already strangling him and everyone around him. He became the Archivist, no longer needing to connect himself to some godforsaken capitalistic institute to identify himself. found his role, he enjoyed its power, even admitted to it. He found love. He found purpose in trying to save the world. In the end he was surrounded with the friends he made along the way (as friendly as they could be under the circumstances). He was finally allowed to make real choices, have true responsibility over himself and not be some tired corporate worker, part of a tired pointless system. Sure his choices weren't that great, and getting there was through outside manipulation and his own ignorance and he had to suffer immensely and pay an awful price of what we like to call his "humanity" but he Became and found what we all look for - his calling.
"It's still me" he says in the last episode. Because he is. He lost nothing and gained everything. Even dying in his lover's arms.
Forget about being human. In the end Jon achieves apotheosis and truly becomes Jonathan Sims
#i should relisten i feel like im talking out of my ass here lol#tma#the magnus archives#jonathan sims#honestly im happy for jon good for him. i wish i could find apotheosis in my career#i feel in recent months ive become way more sympathetic to selfishness and so called inhumanity than i used to.#this world is leeching the concept of 'good' from me#its such an entitled concept of course you can be 'good' when the world makes it easy for you.#no dilemas or choises. root for the underdog and for so called 'justice'. okay bitch. imma focus on what and who i love now#this world be damned. which it already is whether i try to do better or not.#sorry rant over
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Fuck it the second I get my iPad back and my period ends I’m just doing my own sketchbook week (it’s the exact same as normal sketchbook week but it’s a week later and the universe stops trying to kill me)
#I cannot. do an entry today because#and this is going to sound so pathetic LMAO#I do not have the strength in my fingers to draw on my phone#and I can’t hold the thought required ?? like it makes me focus on the pain too much#and I can’t sit at my desk to draw on paper#because pain#and I can’t write because to write I need silence and when there’s silence all I can focus on is the pain#it is not my week!!!#I’m hoping my iPad will be back by the end of this week though#and then I want to go back and do the prompts the next week#because I had so many ideas!#so yeah it won’t be official hashtag branded sketchbook week but imma try and do it anyways#textpost#blethering#sketchbook week 2024#will still try and participate this week if I’m feeling better before it ends though!#but I won’t be able to the prompts to the best of my ability regardless#so I want to try again when my old is better and I actually can lol
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I wish Zanes suits had less grey in them, I just think it blends in too much…on the other hand,,
I WILL be making Zanes climbing suit sleeveless
#like the fishnets look like he got his thighs out and about#or patterns#whatever they are#i know what they was trying to do#but imma do it better#ninjago#zane julien#ninjago zane
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This is something my friend and I like to call School Bullshit (Basically just School Doodles)
The next two are lyrics from Karma by AJR
LEADER DEVIN WON'T LEAVE MY BRAIN
#imma go night night#I'm so tired#i might try to do more comics with this ending if people are interested#i need to get better at making and formatting comics anyway#i also want to try and do lore stuf for Reg and Right's past#thsc#the henry stickmin collection#henry stickmin collection#art#traditional art#thsc oc#devin copperbottom(thscoc)#carter miller(thscoc)#thsc reginald copperbottom#reginald copperbottom#thsc rhm#henry stickmin rhm#rhm#thsc right hand man#right hand man
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Part 2 of the homecorp crossover and Roxy has entered the arena! Roxy takes the place of Benjamin/Hokma, so old woman REAL!!
#homestuck#lobotomy corporation#roxy lalonde#mom lalonde#tfw ur bestie thinks u would do better as a robot instead#im on a roll with this stuff! imma try n do rose!binah next n then the tiphereth finally bc idk who else to do?#half a thought of doing john as chesed and jane as hod but its all up in the air
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#thanks for the dm dana sjfdhsjdfs#genuinely like all the fatigue of the past few months hit all at once this morning and when im overly stressed my mental health#gets bad. like really really bad#it was nice 2 laugh abt something ridiculous ajkhjkdfsdh#fnaf#spacie scribbles#at first this was gonna be springtrap talking 2 me but it makes more sense if its you lmaoksjdfkslfdj#i dont remember what your sona looks like forgive me 😭#and i didnt wanna dig something up for this shitpost so#i shuld learn 2 draw gore so that when i feel really bad like this i can draw characters getting hurt#genuinely think that would make me feel better#well. ig ik what imma be spending the rest of tonight doing#imagine being such a pathetic old decrepit creature that a couple plastic balls are all it takes ta destroy you#i could beat his ass. its canonically possible for me ta beat his ass#i wouldnt even hafta try that hard#buddy. you're DONE#also his hips.....#damn#thighs are a weakness of mine like dude.#look at his shit bro. this is fucking ludicrous#the way his stance is#auuugh#sickening
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today, cupimon prays for your happiness too.
#digimon#cupimon#oc:elise#made myself draw more personal oc art when not working on comms haha#tbh the motivation behind this was a moment of weakness. like. wanting people to tell you you have done well and everything will be ok#but i also want to heal others that way. it's complicated. the world only seems to get harsher and harsher#holy or angel type digis are good picks for such and cupimon are adorable#imma be realistic this is a pretty tough time to be alive. let's not even try to compare with past eras or the like#the truth is so many of us are struggling so friggin hard we don't even know it anymore bc it's become so routine to our life#but it's honestly? really twisted? if you think of it that way. we're so used to suffering in life. it's so sad.#can only hope things get better someway. somehow. may good news even a little arrives to each of yall this week#btw really sorry folks. after the ai fiasco this site has gotten itself into i'm gonna post even lower res version for my newer works jic#artists writers creatives. do stay safe. keep yourselves and your work safe as much as you can#do what you need to do regardless it matters to you or not ok!#png
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Im scared ngl. I don't know what to do. I'm hugging you all right now
#i know i said im not the biggest fan of venting and stuff but i really need to get that off my chest im sorry#i hope everyone is doing okay because im scared for myself and everyone#i wanna lay down and not talk but i have school today and i have to present somethiiiinngggg >:[#im probably gonna take a quick break working on art requests to make some other art to feel a little better#im sorry yall#vent post#vent#apologetically rambling#everyone be sure to take deep breaths drinknwater eat something and take a minute for yourself(ill also do this myself)#its good to take a minute#if you need a break take a break#i hope everyones day is filed with at least a bit of positivity <3#imma try and make some silly posts to make yall and myself smile :]#sorry i get anxious easily :<
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hate the fact that in order to get better at a thing, you actually have to DO the thing. outrageous. you're telling me i can't just wake up one day and magically be perfect at The Thing, i gotta put in the work first? awful
#throwing my hands in the air#this post was sponsored by me cringing over my own drafts#i'm trying to get better at written speech#because no matter what i do it always feels stiff to me#writing ten paragraphs of scenery and internal monologue and feelings? no problem#three lines of characters TALKING? bye imma see myself out#mumbling 'i am cringe but i am free' through clenched teeth#i assume it's because i'm not writing in my native language but still... why is it hard. learning curve my beloathed ;u;#lale.txt
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{ Just got back into the swing of writing again on another blog only to find out my grandma is in the hospital for heart issues. First it was my grandpa and now it's my grandma. I'm honestly starting to believe that things really can just keep getting worse instead of better cause nothing ever seems to get better over here. }
#tw; negative#tw; vent#{ Everything just wants to jump on top of me today. }#{ 'Don't worry! Things will get better!' Yeah I don't think so. }#{ It's been one thing after the other lately and honestly? It makes me not wanna do anything anymore. }#{ Catch me throwing myself off a cliff because what else can I do? }#{ Don't mind me trying to cover my irritation with humor. }#{ It's a habit. }#{ And any anons who wanna try to be rude about this or tell me to shut the fuck up- }#{ Y'all couldn't be further from my mind. Like... I don't care about your existence. }#{ You could catch on fire and I would not care because you're clearly a piece of shit anyway so burn. }#{ No skin off my back and I will literally tell you that. }#{ Trust me when I say that I can be ten times more cruel than you can. }#{ I just don't show it here on Tumblr. }#{ But yeah. Regardless... Imma turn your mouth off anyway so if you have something to say to mommy- You can say it to her face. }#✠ [ ' ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ʟᴇᴀᴅs ʙᴇʜɪɴᴅ ᴄʟᴏsᴇᴅ ᴅᴏᴏʀs. ' ] - ✡ ᴏᴜ��� ᴏғ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ✡
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Kingdom of Ash Chapter 20 …
oh my gods chapter 20…
I am dead inside.
And somehow dying more per chapter.
Ow. THE NIGHTMARE DREAM SEQUENCE
"Do you know the story of the queen who walked through worlds?"
Seated on the mossy carpet of an ancient glen, one hand toying with the small white flowers strewn across it, Aelin shook her head.
In the towering oaks that formed a lattice over the clearing, small stars blinked and shimmered, as if they'd been snared by the branches themselves. Beyond them, bathing the forest with light bright enough to see by, a full moon had risen. All around them, faint, lilting singing floated on the warm summer air.
"It is a sad story," her aunt said, one corner of her red-painted mouth curling upward as she leaned back on her seat carved into a granite boulder. Her usual place, while they had these lessons, these long, peaceful chats deep into the balmy summer nights. "And an old one."
Aelin lifted an eyebrow. "Aren't I a little old for faerie stories?" She'd indeed just celebrated her twentieth birthday three days ago, in another clearing not too far from here. Half of Doranelle had come, it had seemed, and yet her mate had found a way to sneak her from the revelry. All the way to a secluded pool in the forest's heart. Her face still warmed to think of that moonlit swim, what Rowan had made her feel, how he'd worshipped her in the sun-warmed water.
Mate. The word was still a surprise. As it had been to arrive here at spring's end and see him beside her aunt's throne and simply know. And in the months since, their courting ... Aelin indeed blushed at the thought of it. What they'd done in that forest pool had been the culmination of those months. And an unleashing. The mating marks on her neck— and on Rowan's-proved it. She would not be returning to Terrasen alone when autumn arrived.
"No one is too old for faerie stories," her aunt said, faint smile growing. "And as you are part faerie yourself, I would think you'd have some interest in them."
Aelin smiled back, bowing her head. "Fair enough, Aunt."
Aunt wasn't entirely accurate, not with generations and millennia separating them, but it was the only thing the queen had suggested Aelin call her.
Maeve settled further into her seat. "Long ago, when the world was new, when there were no human kingdoms, when no wars had marred the earth, a young queen was born."
Aelin folded her legs beneath her, angling her head.
"She did not know she was a queen. Amongst her people, power was not inherited, but simply born. And as she grew, her strength rose with her. She found the land she dwelled in to be too small for that power. Too dark and cold and grim. She had gifts similar to many wielded by her kind, but she had been given more, her power a sharper, more intricate weapon-enough that she was different. Her people saw that power and bowed to it, and she ruled them.
"Word spread of her gifts, and three kings came to seek her hand. To form an alliance between their throne and the one she had built for herself, small as it might have been. For a time, she thought it would be the newness, the challenge that she had always craved. The three kings were brothers, each mighty in his own right, their power vast and terrifying. She picked the eldest among them, not for any particular skill or grace, but for his countless libraries. What she might learn in his lands, what she might do with her power ... It was that knowledge she craved, not the king himself."
A strange story. Aelin's brows rose, but her aunt continued on.
"So they were wed, and she left her small territory to join him in his castle. For a time, she was contented, both by her husband and the knowledge his home offered her. He and his two brothers were conquerors, and spent much of their time away, leashing new lands to their shared throne. She did not mind, not when it gave her freedom to learn as she would. But her husband's libraries contained knowledge even he did not realize was held within. Lore and wisdom from worlds long since turned to dust. She learned that there were indeed other worlds. Not the dark, blasted realm in which they lived, but worlds beyond that, living atop one another and never realizing it. Worlds where the sun was not a watery trickle through the ash-clouds, but a golden stream of warmth. Worlds where green existed. She had never heard of such a color. Green. Nor had she heard of blue-not the shade of sky that was described. She could not so much as picture it."
Aelin frowned. "A pitiful existence."
Maeve nodded grimly. "It was. And the more she read about these other worlds, where long-dead wayfarers had once roamed, the more she wanted to see them. To know the kiss of the sun on her face. To hear the morning songs of sparrows, the crying of gulls over the sea. The sea that, too, was foreign to her. An endless sprawl of water, with its own moods and hidden depths. All they had in her lands were shallow, murky lakes and half-dried streams. So while her husband and his two brothers were off waging yet another war, she began to ponder how she might find a way into one of those worlds. How she might leave."
"Is such a thing even possible?" Something nagged at her, as if it might indeed be true, but perhaps that was one of her own mother's tales, or even Marion's, tugging on her memory.
Maeve nodded. "It was. Using the very language of existence itself, doors might be opened, however briefly, between worlds. It was forbidden, outlawed long before her husband and his brothers were born. Once the last of the ancient wayfarers had died out, the paths between realms were sealed, their methods of world-walking lost with them. Or so all had thought. But deep in her husband's private library, she found the old spells. She began with small experiments. First, she opened a door to the realm of resting, to find one of those wayfarers and ask her how it was properly done." A knowing smile. "The wayfarer refused to tell her. So the queen began to teach herself. Opening and closing doors long since forgotten or sealed. Peering deep into the workings of the cosmos. Her own world became a cage. She grew tired of her husband's warring, his casual cruelty. And when he went away to war once again, the queen gathered her closest handmaidens, opened a door to a new world, and left the one she'd been born into."
"She left?" Aelin blurted. "She she just left her own world? Permanently?"
"It had never been her world, not really. She had been born to rule others."
"Where did she go?"
That smile grew a bit. "To a fair, lovely world. Where there was no war, no darkness. Not like that in which she had been born. She was made a queen there, too. Was able to hide herself within a new body so that none could know what she was beneath, so that even her own husband would not recognize her."
"Did he ever find her again?"
"No, though he looked. Found out all she'd learned, and taught it to himself and his brothers. They tore apart world after world to find her. And when they arrived at the world where she had made her new home, they did not know her. Even as they went to war, she did not reveal herself. She won, and two of the kings, her husband included, were banished back to their own world. The third remained trapped, his power nearly broken. He crawled off into the depths of the earth, and the victorious queen spent her long, long existence preparing for his return, preparing her people for it. For the three kings had gone beyond her methods of world-walking. They had found a way to permanently open a gate between worlds, and had made three keys to do so. To wield those keys was to control all worlds, to have the power of eternity in the palm of your hand. She wished to find them, only so she might possess the strength to banish any enemies, banish her husband's youngest brother back to his realm. To protect her new, lovely world. It was all she ever wanted: to dwell in peace, without the shadow of her past hunting her."
From far away, that ghost of memory pushed. As if she'd forgotten to douse a flame left burning in her room. "And did the queen find the keys?"
Maeve's smile turned sad. "Do you think she did, Aelin?"
Aelin considered. So many of their chats, their lessons in this glen, held deeper puzzles, questions for her to work through, to help her when she one day took her throne, Rowan at her side.
As if she'd summoned him, the pine-and-snow scent of her mate filled the clearing. A rustle of wings, and there he was, perched in hawk form on one of the towering oaks. Her warrior-prince.
She smiled toward him, as she had for weeks now, when he'd come to escort her back to her rooms in the river palace. It was during those walks from forest to mist-shrouded city that she had come to know him, love him. More than she had ever loved anything.
Aelin again faced her aunt. "The queen was clever, and ambitious. I would think she could do anything, even find the keys."
"So you would believe. And yet they eluded her."
"Where did they go?"
Maeve's dark stare unwaveringly held hers.
"Where do you think they went?"
Aelin opened her mouth. "I think —
She blinked. Paused
Maeve's smile returned, soft and kind. As her aunt had been to her from the start. "Where do you think the keys are, Aelin?"
She opened her mouth once more. And again halted.
Like an invisible chain yanked her back. Silenced her.
Chain—a chain. She glanced down at her hands, her wrists. As if expecting them to be there.
She had never felt a shackle's bite in her life. And yet she stared at the empty place on her wrist where she could have sworn there was a scar. Only smooth, sun-kissed skin remained.
"If this world were at risk, if those three terrible kings threatened to destroy it, where would you go to find the keys?" Aelin looked up at her aunt.
Another world. There was another world Like a fragment of a dream, there was another world, and in it, she had a wrist with a scar on it. Had scars all over.
And her mate, perched overhead ... He had a tattoo down his face and neck and arm in that world. A sad story—his tattoo told a sad, awful story. About loss. Loss caused by a dark queen.
"Where are the keys hidden, Aelin?" That placid, loving smile remained on
Maeve's face. And yet ...
And yet.
"No," Aelin breathed
Something slithered in the depths of her aunt's stare. "No what?"
This wasn't her existence, her life. This place, these blissful months learning in Doranelle, finding her mate—Blood and sand and crashing waves.
"No."
Her voice was a thunderclap through the peaceful glen.
Aelin bared her teeth, fingers curling in the moss.
Maeve let out a soft laugh. Rowan flapped from the branches to land on the queen's upraised arm.
He didn't so much as fight it when she wrapped her thin white hands around his neck. And snapped it. Aelin screamed. Screamed, clutching at her chest, at the shredding mating bond—
She screamed again. Screamed at her ruined arm, the unscarred skin, screamed at the lingering echo of the severed mating bond.
"Do you know what pains me most, Aelin?" Maeve's words were soft as a lover's. "It's that you believe I'm the villain in this."
Whenever that had been. If it had even happened at all.
"I have no doubt that your mate or Elena or even Brannon himself filled your head with lies about what I'll do with the keys." Maeve ran a hand over the stone lip of the altar, right through her splattered blood and shards of bone. "I meant what I said. I like this world. I do not wish to destroy it. Only improve it. Imagine a realm where there is no hunger, no pain. Isn't that what you and your cohorts are fighting for? A better world?"
The words were a mockery. A mockery of what she'd promised so many. What she had promised Terrasen, and still owed it.
Aelin tried not to shift against the chains, against her broken arms, against the tight pressure pushing on her skin from the inside. A rising intensity along her bones, in her head. little more, every day.
Maeve heaved a small sigh. "I know what you think of me, Fire-Bringer. What you assume. But there are some truths that cannot be shared. Even for the keys." Yet the growing strain cracking within her, smothering the pain ... perhaps worse. Maeve cupped her cheek over the mask.
"The Queen Who Was Promised. I wish to save you from that sacrifice, offered up by a headstrong girl." A soft laugh. "I'd even let you have Rowan. The two of you here, together. While you and I work to save this world."
The words were lies. She knew it, though she couldn't quite remember where one truth ended and the lie began. If her mate had belonged to another before her. Been given away. Or had that been the nightmare?
Gods, the pressure in her body. Her blood.
You do not yield.
"You can feel it, even now," Maeve went on. "The urge of your body to say yes." Aelin opened her eyes, and confusion must have glittered there, because Maeve smiled. "Do you know what being encased in iron does to a magic-wielder? You wouldn't feel it immediately, but as time goes on ... your magic needs release, Aelin. That pressure is your magic screaming it wants you to come free of these chains and release the strain. Your very blood tells you to heed me."
Truth. Not the submission part, but the deepening pressure she knew would be worse than any pain from burnout. She'd felt it once, when plunging as far into her power as she'd ever gone.
That would be nothing compared to this.
"I am leaving for a few days," Maeve said.
Aelin stilled.
Maeve shook her head in a mockery of disappointment.
Fenrys sat by the wall, concern bright in his eyes as he blinked. Are you all right?
She blinked twice. No.
No, she was not anywhere near to all right.
Maeve had been waiting for this, waiting for this pressure to begin, worse than anything Cairn might do. And with the collar Maeve now went to personally retrieve … She couldn't let herself contemplate it. A more horrific form of slavery, one she might never escape, never be able to fight.
Not a breaking of the Fire-Bringer, but an erasure.
To take all she was, power and knowledge, and rip it from her. To have her trapped inside while she witnessed her own voice yield the location of the Wyrdkeys. Swear the blood oath to Maeve. Wholly submit to her.
Fenrys blinked four times. I am here, I am with you.
She answered in kind. I am here, I am with you.
Her magic surged, seeking a way out, filling the gaps between her breath and bones. She couldn't find room for it, couldn't do anything to soothe it.
You do not yield.
She focused on the words. On her mother's voice. Perhaps the magic would devour her from the inside before Maeve returned.
But she did not know how she'd endure it.
Endure another few days of this, let alone the next hour. To ease the strain, just a fraction ...
She shut down the thoughts that snaked into her mind. Her own or Maeve's, she didn't care.
Fenrys blinked again, the same message over and over. I am here, I am with you.
Aelin closed her eyes, praying for oblivion.
"Get up." A mockery of words she'd once heard.
#Chapter 20#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Aelin Ashryver Galathynius#Maeve#first read#no spoilers please#read along with me as we cry#Fenrys#Rowaelin#Rowan Whitethorn#more notes in the tags KoA spoilers in both tag and post purple for quotes pink for highlights on readings cause the dreamnightmare sequenc#more than Chaol more than Sam more than anything it was Rowan#The Queen who walked between worlds bad move to say the whole evil plan at once... what's the tale for? who? — it never works#The Queen Who Was Promised. I wish to save you from that sacrifice offered up by headstrong girl.#Not real. That had not been real. Rowan was alive he was alive real or not real#she had to try & use what she wants most peace & home & family &Ro the words she mocks the color science Terrasen Green and Kingdom’s of As#No shackle scars even with the wreckage. In this world this place she did not have scars either. — ROWAN SCARS GONE😭#Do you know what pains me most Aelin? Maeve's words were soft as a lover's. It's that you believe I'm the villain in this.#screamed at the lingering echo of the severed mating bond — if Maeve could make Rowan think Lyria was his mate… then just how bad is it#when she makes Aelin think he’s gone? it’s like Feyre in W&R… but worse… oh this is awful#A better world? The words were a mockery. A mockery of what she'd promised so many.#No. again. no. she said it for the first time… Maeve would rather fight a demon than an Aelin that’s how strong she is…& the power bubbling#Whenever that had been. If it had even happened at all. — making her think nothing had happened to the box#I'd even let you have Rowan. The two of you here together. While you and I work to save this world.#If her mate had belonged to another before her. Been given away. Or had that been the nightmare?#As if once she'd acknowledged it it wouldn't be ignored. Or contained.#Not a breaking of the Fire-Bringer but an erasure. To take all she was power and knowledge and rip it from her.#NEVER GO TO A SECONDARY LOCATION#DONT YOU DARE USE FENRYS AGAINST HER ROWAN HURRY IMMA LOSE IT AGHH WTF SKSKSJDOWAPKS
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my one lunch break is my one break and this is the coworker that was "helping" me in my class yesterday. And by help I mean she sat and a chair and left me to do everything by myself
#on the plus side my director said my classroom management skills were getting better#which is true but because I have to do everything alone#yes I'm using my one lunch break to bitch but I love bitching#I live to bitch and bitch to live#introverts y'all have spent the last 30 years or so bragging about how you don't like to socialize#WE GET IT! MESSAGE RECIEVED! NO ONE ASKS YOU TO DO ANYTHING WITH THEM BECAUSE YOU MADE A PERSONALITY OUT OF NOT WANTING TO DO THINGS!#today's not my day to begin with#I got my paycheck and got my money orders to pay my rent come to find out my landlord won't take my money unless I pay him a $75 late fee#girl I have $16 left in my bank account and that $16 is supposed to somehow feed me for two weeks#this can't be the same paycheck my coworkers is raising multiple kids with#are their partners secretly doctors or oilmen and they don't want flex in my face#what is going on#now I got to text my sister and ask her for $75 and hope she have it#and imma have to pay June's rent late but at least I'll have my teacher supplement payment on that check so I'll be alright#but times are hard and I hate asking for money on here in general#but I really hate asking when I'm whining about my bullshit and people are trying to escape a literal genocide
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one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t
#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap#bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU#lol idk why my head is so bad today#the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it#i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do#oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse#sorry guys needed to rant#the inadequacy was strong today#something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like#i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me.#and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but#my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m#missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids#who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me#for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just—#sorry#that felt good actually#idk what came over me#imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags#sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh#okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is
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I’m still reeling from the impact Helene left around here. I didn’t want to think the rumors and stuff were true, but hearing it from people I know and trust irl and seeing footage of stuff around areas I’m familiar with has left me devastated and extremely upset about everything.
It hit me hard once the rain stopped and I went into town. It hit me even harder once my internet and cell service stabilized and I saw all the news.
I’m really struggling to process stuff right now. I probably will be for a long time until some normalcy gets restored around here. I count myself blessed Helene didn’t hurt me or my loved ones, but it hurt my community and is continuing to do so and that’s just not okay at all.
I’m burnt out about the news but can’t escape it cause it’s here in my neighborhood happening and being discussed and updated daily. I hope people stop wishing ill on folks. It’s awful and it sickens me the responses I’ve seen from the media and the web from some people.
Just stop.
We’re hurting and it doesn’t matter how prepared you think we were, it was unavoidable. Where do you suggest people should’ve gone when even the highest mountain couldn’t avoid the flooding? I’m lucky to have a decent internet signal on the best days where I live. Imagine everyone else around me who doesn’t have any connection to the world except though maybe radio or a landline?
It’s not like we’re stupid. Just stop assuming things. What we need is help, aid, and general support and awareness.
I don’t mean to monologue here. I’m still grieving over the devastation and that takes time.
I’m just so sick of seeing people acting like they know better about the disaster. It’s way way more intricate than you think.
#hurricane helene#appalachia#life update#I’m not doing so hot atm#I’ll be better once some normalcy occurs#it’s kind of stifled my already limited motivation atm#imma eventually get back into a groove here#but for now I’m just trying to keep moving forward#won’t get political on here#but damn did this disaster start some shit#y’all are welcome to message me here or whatevs#I don’t bite#just dealing with some heavy stuff rn#also just yeah…#not trying to start fights#not up to debate either#like I know the topics#I’m here living it#so not gonna argue#but feel free to just reach out to people?#yeah#imma shut up now#it late#shut up sky
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[comic description: 3 panels of chibi Mori talking to the audience. Panel1: Heya Everybody! I hope you've been well. The past few months have been crazy over here. Panel2: This hiatus went on for so much longer than I thought it would. (Mori is scratching their head & has a sweat drop of shame) Panel3: Mori the Webcomic comes back next week! End of comic description]
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