#imagine the yeet glasses off and you see it

[4yourheartonly]

[jessthebaker]

By the Gods

This is for the gorgeous @beefrobeefcal 's Half Bricked, Wrong Time February Prompt Challenge!

I've never written for Oberyn before, this is barely titled, no beta, minimal editing, I don't know if it's crack or serious or both, but I'm yeeting this out into the world and running away again. Enjoy!

word count 1.6k

rating: Mature (duh, it's Oberyn)

“Oh, Seven, not again.” Oberyn mutters as he opens his email and sees a message from HR waiting for him. It’s right at the very top, with the little red exclamation marks to denote High Importance. Oberyn hates those exclamation marks. They only seem to turn up when he’s done something that he deems (personally) perfectly appropriate. But HR never seems to think so.

The head of HR is a man Oberyn loathes but can’t seem to get away from. Oberyn doesn’t hate his job, rather he quite likes it. He likes what he does and he’s good at it. But dealing with HR is another story.

The HR manager, Ty Lane, is an older man with a bad case of resting grump face. He constantly looked as if, if he wore glasses, he’d be glaring at you over the top of them. Quietly, Oberyn thinks Ty looks like an angry, elderly lion.

Oberyn sighs as he skims over the details of Ty’s email. Date, time, place, all the usual. Current infraction: ‘Inappropriate workplace relations’. What else was new? Oberyn has a feeling he knows which particular circumstance this one was referencing.

Last week he had been daydreaming at his desk when he noticed you walking past his cubicle. Of course he noticed you. He found you incredibly attractive; the way you walked, the confidence with which you moved, the defiance in your eyes that said “I’m here and if you don’t like it, fuck off.” Oberyn appreciated confidence.

You were fairly new in the office. He hadn’t seen you around before about last month, yet you had already made a name for yourself though with the quality of the work you turned in. The management were impressed with your quiet efficiency and the way you didn’t overtly call attention to yourself. But somehow you demanded respect and by the gods, you got it.

On this particular occasion, he couldn’t take his eyes off your ass. You’d caught him staring, given him a wink and a little extra swish of your hips as you passed.

So how could anybody reasonably blame Oberyn for admiring such a perfect specimen of a human ass? Yours was perfect. He had to get a better look. You had practically told him to look.

And yet, apparently someone blamed him for looking. Because now he has that damned email from Ty Lane sitting in his inbox, waiting for that Read Receipt, confirming his appearance at the next mandatory workplace training.

He clicks Accept with another sigh. Then he gathers his thoughts for the rest of his workday.

At the appointed day and time, Oberyn finds himself sitting in a half-circle made of uncomfortably straight-backed chairs with a few other co-workers who, he supposed, had been dobbed in for similar infractions as he was. And...you. Why in the Mother’s name were YOU in here too? Oberyn’s mind wandered as he let himself imagine the myriad reasons you might have been called into this awful torture session.

Mr Lane was droning through his PowerPoint presentation detailing all those things you were and weren’t supposed to do in the workplace. And all the things you were and weren’t supposed to do with your coworkers. And...was that...was that? Celine Dion’s voice singing as background music?

Where does my heart beat now? Where is the sound That only echoes through the night?

Oberyn is trying to pay attention, he really is. His mind wanders again. To you. You’re just so...sexy. Confident. So perfect. So sultry as you just go about your day. The unwitting reason he’s in this room in the first place. He tries to keep his eyes to himself, but he can’t resist glancing over at you for a peek. Fuck. You’re openly watching him, not even trying to be subtle. You give Oberyn a wink and flick your eyes forward again. Pretending to pay attention to Ty’s boring slideshow.

Next time Oberyn looks over to you, he’s ready. You’re looking at him again and this time, he drops you a wink of his own. He sees your cheeks darken slightly and your eyes flash momentarily.

Where does my heart beat now? I can't live without, without feeling it inside I've need someone to give my heart to

Oberyn’s imagination strolls off again at what you might be thinking about. He only comes back to himself as he hears someone saying his name. Mr Lane. It sounds as if it’s not the first time he’s said it. Shit.

Oberyn senses a dreadful feeling of his pants growing tight. And he feels the unmistakeable tingling of his cock making itself known.

I feel it getting stronger and stronger and stronger, yeah And I feel inside Hearts are made to last till the end of time

His cock is definitely growing harder and he can feel it pulsing to the beat of Celine’s song. Shit.

Ty is speaking now. “Mr Martell, would you join us to role-play out the scenario we’ve been discussing. Please come up to the front. Your partner will be --” and he said the worst possible choice for partner: your name.

Oberyn’s brain stops briefly. His cock is at full mast and he knows it’ll be visible through the soft linen pants he prefers to wear. There’s no way he should be standing up right now, in front of a room full of people at a fucking sexual harassment meeting of all times. With YOU.

He puts on his most sincere face and attempts sanity. “Mr Lane, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Ty’s eyes narrow. “Oberyn, you are here and participation is mandatory. Get up here.”

“Mr Lane….being reasonable, this isn’t something you really want me to do right now.”

“Martell. NOW.”

Oberyn sighs. “Alright. Just remember, this is what you wanted.”

He stands and walks to the space at the front of the room. Ty’s attention has turned to you now as you walk up to join Oberyn, so he misses seeing the obvious tent in Oberyn’s pants. As you and Oberyn reach the front together and turn to face your audience, a gasp breaks the silence and a few snorts erupt from those watching. Oberyn’s mouth half-lifts up in a smirk.

Ty is not having it.

“People, we are all adults and we are here for a reason. Settle down, please. You two,” He gestures to the two of you with an exasperated wave of his hand. “continue. Now.”

In the scenario you and Oberyn are attempting to recreate, one employee is making unwanted advances toward the co-worker. The other is supposed to be shutting it down and ending the interaction before reporting it to HR. Oberyn expected he would be taking the role of the unwanted aggressor, given his reputation, but you surprise him by immediately starting with that role. Forcing him to take the receiving role.

“Well, hell-oooo gorgeous, how have I never seen YOU around here before? Where have you been hiding this incredible body?” You step closer and riffle the collar of his shirt, which (as usual) was barely hanging on to his shoulders due to its missing top three buttons.

He’s stunned. He can’t tell if you’re just a very good actor, or if you’re being serious. He hopes it’s the latter. His cock desperately adds its vote for the latter too.

Ty is silently shooting daggers at Oberyn as he tries to catch up and deliver his expected lines. “uh, why, hello, I don’t really -”

You continue as if he hadn’t said a word, and take another step closer. “You know, it’s really a shame we don’t work in the same department. We could be spending a lot - more - time - together,” as your first two fingers walk down the front of his buttonband and pause just above his waistband.

Oberyn didn’t think it was possible but his cock is growing even harder. You’re up close in his space, he can smell the scent of your hair, and the gleam in your eyes is practically shouting at him to bed you. He’s so hard it aches. He can’t think straight. What have you done to him? He’s supposed to be the office rogue, but here you are practically fucking him with your eyes in front of a room full of people.

He takes a breath. Finds his control. Takes a step back and grasps your hand and gently moves it back down to your side.

He says the lines expected of him, “This is neither the time nor the place, and I’m afraid you are making me uncomfortable. Please stop.” His voice is serious, but his eyes are locked with yours in flirtatious challenge. His hand is still holding yours and he’s making no effort to let go now that the act is over.

You’ve both fallen silent, standing stock-still, your eyes are still locked onto each other. A frission passes between you and suddenly the tension ebbs as Ty’s voice floats out as if from a distance. “Finally, thank you. You may sit down now.”

You and Oberyn startle back to your senses with Ty’s voice. Your glance flickers down at Oberyn’s crotch and his cock jumps in response. Oberyn squeezes your hand with another smirk. You take the obvious invitation and practically drag Oberyn out the door by the hand. You’ve both bolted so quickly that the door slams and bangs back open, swaying with the breeze of your passing.

Ty stares after you, dumbfounded, while the remaining participants in the room are giggling and whispering amongst themselves.

Poor Mr Lane. He can’t decide whether to follow you both and start proceedings now, or let you get it out of your systems first. He shakes his head and shuffles his paperwork before sighing to himself, “fucking Martells.”

[valoisfulcanellideux]

Transcribed highlights from Pix and Zloy's "Chicken Block" series [Ep.1 & Ep.2]

Since I've been re-watching this hilarious series, I thought I'd transcribe some of the highlights, because these two are just so damn good together. Funny stuff from episodes 1 and 2 can be found behind the cut.

Ep.1

Zloy: [sings, to the melody of the 'Transformers' theme] "Log chicken. Chicken who's a log."

-

Zloy: "I'll need you to surround me in a pen with them [the chickens]. Don't worry, I'll blend in." [looks like this, so yeah... he will]

-

Pix: "I like the fact that you've just committed to your life in this new chicken commune now." Zloy: "Look, I have a boat. I can escape whenever I want." Pix: "That sounds like what somebody with Stockholm Syndrome would say." Zloy: "This is the prison of my own making!"

-

Zloy: "Hey! Hey, look! It's our first log that was pooped by a chicken!" Pix: "Nice! Can we call them organic now? Is that what we're allowed to—" Zloy: "Pixlriffs, ALL logs are organic." Pix: [laughs] "Responsibly farmed!" Zloy: "Show me… show me a single log that would not be an organic one." [giggles] Pix: "I wanna make some kind of, like, pithy remark about fossilised wood at this point, but I dunno." Zloy: "Fossilised wood would also be organic! Because guess what? It was still grown as wood. In a tree." Pix: [laughs] "This is a fair point. I concede."

-

Pix: "I can't tell if these logs inside this enclosure were pooped out by a chicken, or if they are just… logs that fell from this tree." Zloy: "I wanna say it's probably a community effort."

-

Zloy: "Oh! There's a skeleton! There's a skeleton! There's a skeleton! And it—" Pix: "Oh no…" [skeleton self-yeets off the one-block-wide bridge from the mob-spawning platform] Pix: [loses it] Zloy: "DID YOU SEE THAT?!" Pix: [loses it some more] "It just went! It was like 'Nope! Can't be bothered with you!' It saw you riding a chicken towards it, crown upon your head, glasses on your face, and decided, 'I'm not gonna mess with that guy'."

-

Pix: "One other thing I will always appreciate about Bedrock Edition over Java is the fact that the sky darkens around you when you're looking directly at the sun, because of how bright the sun should be. It's, like, the one lighting effect that actually makes sense in this version of the game." Zloy: "Also, the eyes don't start bleeding, but that's an… entirely different thing." Pix: "Yes. That's an add-on that I imagine people could make." Zloy: "You look up and there's the Rick and Morty sun, screaming."

-

Zloy: [to stream chat, as he looks at the assorted chickens] "Okay. Anyone want to give me a breeding pair?" [pause] Zloy: "Anyone who says 'Zloy and Pixlriffs' will be banned from every single channel on Twitch."

-

[Pix goes out toward the mob spawning platform with a sword] Zloy: "You don't have to wait between the swings." Pix: "I know, I know." Zloy: [giggles] "Hehe. Silly Java players! Hehehe!"

-

Ep.2

Pix: "I have coal!" Zloy: "YAY! Pix: "I have coal. Can make torch. Will make torch now."

-

Pix: [having farmed a bunch of wood] "The log chicken just gave me another log, as if to say, 'Why are you even bothering?' [addresses the chicken] I'm bothering 'cause you're not productive." Zloy: "Pick up the speed. Clench your… whatever muscles you're using." Pix: "Tighten your buttcheeks!" Zloy: "Yep. Push, lady. [pause] Don't actually push ladies."

-

Pix: "There is now a zombie with a gold hat who seems to be… okay, there are two of them; they seemed to have claimed the ship." Zloy: "They boarded the ship!" Pix: "We've been boarded." Zloy: "Oh noes." Pix: [grabs a sword] "I'm gonna go and defend us. I have lost the ability to sprint, though, so I'm not exactly charging into battle, but…" [walks toward the zombies] "GET OFF MY SHIP, YOU DINGUS!" Zloy: [giggles] Pix: "Oh hey, he dropped his hat! Yay! I have armour." Zloy: "You have a crown." Pix: "You have your crown, I have my crown." Zloy: "The matching attire." Pix: "It gives me Fire Protection 1, as if that's even an issue." Zloy: "MINE GIVES ME DIGNITY, DARN IT!" Pix: "I have no dignity."

-

Zloy: "Hey look! A spider." Pix: [laughs] "It's a string chicken." [they both laugh] Pix: "After a while everything on this map just becomes a chicken to me."

-

Pix: "I spawned with you in the cauldron. Which looks even more soupy now that it's filled with rainwater." Zloy: "Exactly! We're gonna be delicious!"

-

Pix: "Every time the honey dripping sound happens, I just feel like it's slime. I'm like, has a slime just spawned? Nope. It's just the scarecrow dripping."

-

Zloy: "I have, like, twenty dirt. Place it responsibly."

-

Pix: "Oh, a zombie villager! Haha, yeah!" Zloy: "WHAT? No way!" Pix: "Let's see what we can do about him." Zloy: "I mean, we have a boat." Pix: "Yeah, that is true. That is true." Zloy: "I already decided that his name is gonna be Grephew. Which is a very bad idea, because I can see there's another zombie inside of him. He probably will not survive." [Pix creeps out toward the zombie villager, who self-yeets off the bridge. Pix runs back again] Pix: "There's a tiny one! There's a tiny one behind him! He has a son! There was a child!" Zloy: "Grephew Junior! Yaaaaay! I… don't want to go near him. Okay, Grephew, son of a gun, you're making me do this. Here are full blocks to preserve you." Pix: "Oh man. It's super creepy that baby zombie villagers have the same sound as regular zombie villagers. It's like a child with an unnaturally deep voice." Zloy: "They just have a very deep voice, okay?"

-

[Zloy builds a shelter around Grephew, out of oak fences with an oak plank roof] Pix: [laughs] "He has a freaking abandoned mineshaft over the top of him now."

-

Zloy: "A skeleton on this platform. So… potentially bones. And I apologise, but also potentially getting boned, so…" Pix: "Yeaaah… 'bout that… I'm fine taking the risk. I have fire protection on my helmet." [I'm struggling to resist the innuendo on that one…] Zloy: "I also am fine with you taking the risk."

-

Zloy: [musing] "So, mycelium would be… a log and dirt, all right." Pix: "Consult the notes!" Zloy: "I have them on my lap. The entire whiteboard. It's not a big whiteboard. But it does obstruct my view so I don't see the keyboard and my own teacup. So there's a disaster waiting to happen." Zloy: [laughs; probably at a suggestion from stream chat] "Consult the book of armaments! Oh my god." Pix: [laughs] "Hold thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. Four shalt thou not count. Neither countest thou two. Unless, in counting two, thou proceedest to three." Zloy: "Are you still speaking English?" Pix: [laughs] "I'm just quoting Monty Python. Which is probably the most English you can speak." Zloy: "Are you still speaking English, or have you transcended into communicating only in Monty Python quotes?" Pix: "It's touch and go." Zloy: "Yeah."

-

Zloy: "This is the Grephew Island." Pix: "The Grefuge." Zloy: [cracks up] Pix: [laughs] "I'm sorry!" Zloy: [giggling] "That's going into the episode title. Like, you're ruining my SEO, but that's gonna be the episode title."

-

Pix: "We have four apples in the chest now. Which is nice. I'm still not eating any of them, because I enjoy chat freaking out about the fact that I have no health left." Zloy: "There is no reason to eat. Just DIE!" [they have Keep Inventory on] [long, awkward pause] Zloy: "There is so much political commentary in that one phrase I just said..."

-

Pix: [peers across at the spawning platform] "I keep looking at stuff over there and thinking, 'Is that a skeletal chicken?' and it turns out it's just, like, a sapling and I can't really see. Oh, yeah… ENHANCE!" Zloy: [laughs] "Crying out loud, I was waiting for you to remember that one. What do your elf eyes see, Pixlriffs?"

-

[Zloy is about to boat a chicken along a one-block-wide bridge] Pix: "Do you need a bit more space on the platform, or is that enough?" Zloy: "No, no. But I would appresh you taking out the spooder [spider]. I dragged a shulker this way, through the End, over the void, for thousands of blocks. [whispers] I think I can manage with a chicken. [pause] Mostly because the chicken is not actively trying to kill me."

-

Pix: "Oh my god! Phantoms have started to spawn, and they're skinless chickens!" Zloy: "WHAT?! NO!" Pix: "I DID NOT EXPECT THIS!" [both start laughing] Pix: "Yes! Oh, this map is good. This map is so good!"

-

[they kill a chicken-phantom] Pix: "Oh, it dropped feathers! What?" Zloy: "IT DROPPED RAW CHICKEN!" Pix: [absolutely loses it] "So phantoms are actually chickens?! What?! Oh, that's so good." Zloy: "They're regular chickens that came for vengeance!" Pix: [cracks up] "That's incredible." Zloy: "I just realised that they're gonna burn in the daylight and drop cooked chicken." Pix: "I mean, in theory. They could not do." Zloy: "Yeah, they couldn't." Pix: "But yeah, if they drop cooked chicken, that's like… actual genius." Pix: "Look at it dive. Look at it dive, like a graceful swa— [chicken-phantom bursts into flames] Nope, it is burning. Yes!" Zloy: [cracks up] Pix: "Self-cooking chicken!" Zloy: "Yes! We finally found the Kentucky Fried one!"

[wuzhere75]

Overendered headshots my beloved

Anyways more NPC's for the Alternate Dragonets AU

-Realgar (She/Her) is the Queen of the Skywings in this AU, the youngest daughter of Queen Scarlet, who she poisoned the night of her birthday along with her older sister Ruby a few months before the dragonets emerge.

-Going on with what I feel is a commonly accepted fan-theory, Realgar would have been the Skywing DoD inside the egg that Burn yeeted off the cliff at the start of book one. She has grown up with a secret obsession with the prophecy (the "it could have been me" complex).

-Specifically, she has an unhealthy romantic obsession with Shrike, the actual Skywing DoD (who is aro-ace). I imagine she is at first very friendly and offers aid to a directionless group of dragonets before turning against them when they refuse to work for her.

-I don't exactly know what her relationship with Burn is like (the war is still sort of going on, but their has been a lot of general chaos that has been created by the Pantalans just showing up).

-Just a problematic weirdo all around

-Spoonbill (also She/Her) is a Mudwing princess, a grand-daughter with several greats of Moorhen.

-She is Mole's love interest, though unlike Tarantula Hawk, I am very certain the two will end up together.

-The lotus she wears in her horns is made of glass. Its part of the golden vine thing you see on one of her horns.

-Another quick note she has an older sister or other relative who successfully challenged Moorhen for the throne in this AU.

[review-anon]

//Happy Valentine's Day to you all, and as a little treat, I've showing something that not only fits the day, but also its gonna be the first of a set of drawings for you all to welt your appetites over on this lull period, and its a fakemon! More specifically its a Paradox fakemon.

//So back in Pokemon Scarlet/Violet when the Indigo Disk was coming out, people were speculating what the origin of the Paradox Pokemon were and the most wildly held theory at the time was the idea that the Paradox Pokemon weren't actually prehistoric or futuristic Pokemon but inside created from the wishes and desires of Professors Sada and Turo due to their wishes to create a time machine. And this...had a lot of evidence behind it.

//Sadly Indigo Disk came out and revealed Terapagos as the ultimate Isekei Pokemon as it yeets pokemon from the Multiverse and that's how you get the Paradox Pokemon. But its still very vague if that's the case or if Dream/Wish Theory is still on.

//Now when I heard of this theory I thought "Hang on, a Pokemon that grants wishes and desires with no strings attached and has no limit? Where have I heard that one before." The first answer is Jirachi but that's lore based stuff, but the second answer is Divine Luck.

//So I went on this thought experiment where what if Utsuro had Terapagos as his partner Pokemon and Terapagos using its powers created Paradox partner Pokemon for the Children of Utsuro. And thus is the start of this mini series where I create fanmade Paradox Pokemon for each of the known Divine Luck users.

//And of course I start off with Akane Taira's partner Pokemon; Foxy Love. This is very clearly a Paradox Zoroark here since I wanted to go for a fox-like Pokemon for Akane, Ninetales was too Gen 1 pandering and I could go for Thievul, but since that's a Gen 8 Pokemon its too close to the current generation to get its own alternative form.

//Typing its Dark/Fairy which is a type only Grimsnarl has so its a very exlcusive typing to have. The way Paradox Pokemon work is that they gain a type if single typed, and if dual typed, it keeps one of its old typings and another one replaces it. And it has a brand new ability. Since this line of Paradox Pokemon is unlike the canon ones, the previous abilities don't make sense so I've given it and all of my fanmade Paradox Pokemon will have the same ability and that is Divine Luck! This is a crazy ability where the secondary effects of moves are guranteed to hit and the critical hit ratio is increased. Think of it like Serene Grace on crack and Super Luck rolled into one ability.

//Is it balanced? Probably not. But guess what? Pokemon has never been balanced so I don't really care. Miraidon, Zacian, Mega Rayquaza and Gen 1 Mewtwo all say hi.

//Stats are 80/112/55/145/55/123. Defences are weaker but it goes into making its glass cannon status even more apperant as it gets crazy Special Attack and Speed. I'm not hot on the VGC so I don't know how if this is good meta wise or not.

//And of course being a Paradox Pokemon its movepool is gonna be strange. Aside from Dark and Fairy moves like Moonblast and Dazzling Gleam, I suspect it to learn moves like Attract and Capitivate and even Alurring Voice. Tidy Up can be learnt and even Refresh. Why? Who knows.

//So as you can tell design wise, its matching a lot of Akane's colours and the red stuff is Divine Luck coursing though this Pokemon. This is gonna be a design feature on all Divine Paradox Pokemon but its more notable on Foxy Love since Akane DOES become the next Nexus of Divine Luck. I imagine this little one to be a cute Zorua at first which helped hide Akane with the line's illusion abilities and when Akane got free its illusions and work ethic helped Akane with her maid work. It wasn't until Akane fell to Despair that Foxy Love evolved into the form you see it as today.

//Yes I know Paradox Pokemon can't evolve but let me enjoy this one for immersion sake. The name was also came up with by Akane since children are not known for their creative names.

//And that's all for Foxy Love! I hope you enjoy this little picture and believe me the Voids and others will be on their way, just don't expect them to come so soon. I might release them as ways to make the wait for new content less agonising. Until then, have a good Valentine's Day!

//Shiny form is under the cut due to DTFA spoilers;

//Pink is obvious due to the association with love and since we know Divine Luck users can glow gold when using their powers for good...it makes a nice shiny colour.

[quarantinescarpet]

My quotes list from over the years

FRESHMAN

-“‘tis I the frenchiest fry.”

-“Someone’s stabbing me in the leg with a spork.”

-“I A DEMOCRAT OOPS”

-Spill the pony tea.

-How many geese would it take to bring down a full grown man?

-Point is, I love you both and I would 10/10 ride a motorbike

-“Apparently someone in Mr. Hopkins G block got scared of turkey noises.”

-“It’s like... it’s like a stupid game of Russian roulette Tetris with giant death machines”

-“I feel like you'd have a shrine to remember Spider-man, complete with candles and every single ‘mr stark I don't feel so good’ meme printed out.”

-“don’t ask me, I don’t know anything about the sex”

-“I WILL RIP YOUR DICK OFF”

-“What’s the difference between gay silence and regular silence?”

-“what yields a focus pencil? A patience tree?”

-“I might boogie on the desk so hard that the gum keeping it together gets unchewed and yeets back into the dimension it belongs in”

-“You smell like my fencing teacher”

-“sponsor a sponsor! Become a child”

-“Woof woof bitch, im a furry.”

-“yo to the hoe”

-“does my emoji still smell?”

SOPHOMORE

-“peter doesn't have a detachable head”

-“two thirds of me is wearing glasses”

-“You look like you have autism. Are you vaccinated?”

-“When did Haydar become friends with Emily?” “In hell”

-“I know you have something to do with Filbert”

-“Ayo beans check”

-“Who cares about beating the game‽ I’m a goose.”

-“You can’t make contact lenses out of cranberries”

-“cannabalism is for beans”

-“You know the party is lit when the epileptic kid starts doing the worm”

-“Imagine getting stabbed to the beastie boys”

-“I CANT TORTILLA MY CHOCOLATE MILK”

-“Pure drip”

-“The All Mighty King Tuggle Wuggle the Original... The 5th”

-“It’s a drink.” “Coal?” “I’m sorry who the heck is drinking coal??” “It’s heroin.”

-“Is climate change good or bad?”

-“I’ve had to keep her from stealing my toes for so long”

-“Apples are delicious, babies are not.”

-“It’s like I’m exfoliating my knuckle”

-“We are literally just birds.”

-“I’m slowly transitioning to emo. Today I’m wearing navy blue, tomorrow it will be black.”

-“Omg Aimee why are you such a try hard” “Oh my god Ava why are you orange?”

-“Wait what the fuck does crashing a funeral have to do with driving?”

-“Why are blonde people driving???”

-“That house looks like stephen king” “its super thicc?”

-“If you don’t do your homework, they are legally allowed to steal your cells”

-“Why would digging up graves be a problem we have to cover during a spa day??”

-“I would commit neck rape”

-“he looked at me and I looked at him and I was like ‘genocide’”

-“like Klaus, from Klaus”

-“SANKADANKA”

-“facism is also gender neutral”

-“I mean we all knew that the birds just wanted the body to be gone!”

JUNIOR

-“you know what they say in chemistry”

-“I got it from bed bath and behind you”

-“A two line poem. I see a frog. My heart: 💕❤️💓💗💕”

-“who needs a straw when you can suck it out the hole?”

-“I wish I could get neutered”

-“eggs are so well named”

-“You’re not a fandon? We don’t standon.”

-“If you’re horny just walk it off”

-“potatoes and molasses, there is inequality between the classes!”

-“save the tiddies”

-“I think I could explain socialism” “okay do it” *doesnt do it*

-“what part of no interruptions does Trump not get?” “The english part”

-“my knees how they crackle like rice crispies”

-“the planet is dying you fucking walnut”

-“do you think I’d be able to avoid conversion therapy?” ”no you look dumb as shit have fun at camp.”

-“the US military uses 738 billion dollars per year, and we can’t dunk the moon into the pacific ocean? Where are our priorities? Disgusting.”

-“I hope he dies on my birthday”

-“the doctor’s sewing you up and you’re like ‘harder daddy’ and they just leave you to bleed out on the floor.”

-“I don’t know what your parents do for a living” “I’d have to kill you if you found out” “oh he’s a conversion therapist?”

-“Peaning, pregnancy, protection.”

-“Being railed and math are two totally different things”

-“Aren’t all white people just german strokes?“

-“the pickles are tasty tonight, don’t you think?”

-"Gay people have feelings too! I mean those feelings aren't valid, but they have them!"

-“Grapefruit is the Wild Kratts of roblox”

-“My lungs are rejecting christianity”

-“Lettuce cereal”

-“get zooted”

-“why are they doin that to my boi Eric Snowblower???” “... do you mean Elric Stormbringer??” “Yes OMG hi futon”

-“Milk towel (sent with gentle effect)“

-“nose haemorrhoids”

-“my favourite colour is bitches”

-“THE LESBIAN FISH WHATS HER NAME”

-“You’ll have time to pull moose daddy”

-“The more you beat it the bigger it gets”

-“Were you wa today??”

-“oh uh slaves are now horses”

-“tarnsgender is a lifestyle”

-“not me misgendering my dishwasher”

-“Kiss! Kiss Kiss!”

-“its a regular human but you can open it up and take a shit inside of it” “like a kangaroo”

-“kiss kill marry, good piss boy, eric snowblower, michael”

-“if you don’t wanna strike the set, strike yourself.”

-“did you listen to waterparks in middle school or have you had sex?”

-“he said his pullout game is strong and he’s only used a condom six times” “tell him he needs the practice”

-“its a didney movie”

-“I already have a dick so I’m good with the foot sucking, thanks!”

-“I don’t misgender you cause you changed your pronouns I just misgender you cause you have pronouns”

-“made a joke and nobody laughed”

-“You’re a socialist gray shut up”

-“dont straddle my dog shes a child!”

-“chloe, kim, kendall, kourtney,,, the genders”

-“which constellation looks most like a dick”

-“I’m being intimate with my pudding. Only my pudding loves me.” “Yeah but it feels a little violated”

-“vending machine, easy bake oven, and ramen are the four food groups?”

-“mom I found your tinder”

-“doesnt this baby look like it would grow up to be hitler?”

-“anti smack”

-“I said no farting”

-“I’m at the point in this trip where I want to make out a little with every dog I see.”

-“I’m worried about your mom right now” “I’m worried about the dogs”

-“I’m going to start streaming” “awesome I’ll watch you! I’ll download Tinder”

-“jesus is coming are you clenching?” “Did you mean swallowing???”

-“Today when I said I had an image to show you and you came to look at my phone I wasn’t on Instagram yet and I was worried you were going to see that my last google search was what is a craisin”

-“My username is deep_seated_fear_of_geese”

-“Savour the flavour, uncle”

-“potential energy this, kinetic energy that, when will anyone start paying attention to the most important energy. dumb bitch energy”

-“Happy easter i guess i don’t know why the heck jesus likes eggs so much” “Jesus has an egg obsession” “And he has a bunny fursona””

-“Cause I’m kinky for color coding”

-“I’m going to name my child Brad. With a silent gh. Braghd”

-“Headcanon that Prince Philip died because he saw unsolicited feet pics“

-“I kin prince philip”

-“theres three genders: kailer, gay tyler, and regular tyler”

-“I swear to god they spent half of their budget making those titans asses so scrumptious”

-“Everything is terrible, can’t magnum dong, repressing my emotions”

-“Master has given dobby plan b. Dobby no longer needs the hanger”

-“I want someone to be just as obsessed with me as my social worker is”

-“You wanted to end the conversation so you decided to be homophobic.”

-“It is commonly thought that there are two types of people in this world, communists and pessimists.”

-“Glass half full glass half empty everyone shares the glass”

-“I thought it was about to be something sexual about slushees and I was like: 😃?“

-“Piss on, I know how to have sex.”

-“Sarah we’re making milf jokes wake up”

-“Its like im having a panic attack but I cant stop making kink jokes”

-“good old fashioned jesus?” “I said gay sex”

-“the straggot and the slurs”

-“grandpa has had way too much time without his meds”

-“You’re gonna find ur special someone bro ❤️ or someone to raw you idk what you’re into”

-“Do you wanna represent conversion therapy?”

-“Don’t punch me! I’ll get a boner”

-“I’m known to frequent elementary schools at night”

-“ever since I found out there were ants in baked beans” “WHY ARE THEY THERE? JUST BAKE THE BEANS!”

-"aaron burr shot hamilton which is kinda kinky and im not into that" "i guess he forgot to give him his safe word then huh"

-“we can’t make these jokes tomorrow people will think we’re fucking crazy” “nah man people will just think we’re FUCKING”

-“this 14 year old just looked me straight in the eyes and said drill me daddy-o”

-“they piss on you when they’re comfortable with you. Thats how it works”

-“are penguins fish or mammals?”

-“car washes are traumatising”

-“it’s okay gray has a 22 year old sugar daddy”

-“I get vored easily and yeehaw”

-“You get really stinky when jade honks for bill”

-“Jade needs a shit sleeve when she honks for bill can we go dunky now”

-“not the llama,,, the liQuid”

-“I’m allergic to jesus”

-“if you cant see stuff in your head how come you can vacuum?”

-“dont be a whore drink instead”

-“pain is temporary, existence is temporary, we’re all temporary”

-“I did not know veggie tales was religious”

-“you’re a sussy baka yes sorry now can we watch the video”

-“I assumed everyone in tech is gray”

-“skyrim wasn’t bad I just wanted fussy”

-“im not gonna get a shrodinger kink”

-“those crocs are bitchin”

-“you seem so put together” “it’s just the shoes”

-“capitalism is my sugar daddy”

-“when aang is riding someone do you think he says yip yip

-“Capitalism breeds innovation? How bout you breed this bussy”

Senior

-“Ollie: Can Jewish people eat the Lorax?

Jillian: Yeah. He is canonically a Nazi you know

Ollie: …Are you implying that nazis are kosher?

Jillian: Yeah how do you think we won the war dumbass”

-“I wanna get manhandled”

-“chryssy is SO thicc. Thats why benson loves her.”

-“are we still meeting autism?”

-“so what im hearing is you stole my prostate??”

-"Benson doesnt have a liver? What about her alcoholism problems!”

-“do [squirrels] have beaks or are they flat?”

-“ I feel like I’d fall into a pond.”

-“I didn’t come”

-“Cis piss”

-“YOU GRABBED HIS JICK?”

-“Everytime I come out as ace people send me all their ace stuff” “omg thats what I do for my italian friends”

-“I wanna be someones thyroid problem”

-“Yeah you could go to bobby about your skin cancer”

-“I feel really pregnant right now”

-“stomachs love diluted slim jims”

-“benson is a milf”

-“aj just gave birth to me” “how?” “teamwork”

-“the universe is nothing but a collection of corpses”

-“tight shaggy”

-“the moonwalking bear will come back to haunt you”

-“You forgot your jizz in the shop”

-“Please be a monster fucker”

-“Wipe the milk moustache off your face because I can’t talk to you”

-“the moonwalking bear will come back to haunt you”

-“You forgot your jizz in the shop”

-“Please be a monster fucker”

-“Wipe the milk mustache off your face because I can’t talk to you”

-“Mr. Hands is my safe-word”

Freshman pt 2

-“nah this isn’t true love this is smash or pass man”

-“the more swords the more smash”

-“virgin??? Like VIRGINIA??”

-“He’s really going ham on him”

[sciencestyled]

Reality? Augmented and Virtual? Pfft, Who Needs That? Just Strap On and Yeet into the Future of Art!

Ladies and gents, dudes and dudettes, gather 'round as we dive headfirst into the glittering, neon-drenched rabbit hole of Augmented Reality (AR) and Virtual Reality (VR) art. Now, I know what you're thinking: “Is this just another Professor Pop fever dream?” Well, buckle up, because we’re about to embark on a wild ride that makes Alice's Wonderland look like a Sunday stroll in the park.

First off, let's talk AR. Imagine if Snapchat filters and Instagram reels had a baby with the art world – a baby that grew up on a steady diet of electric Kool-Aid and superhero movies. AR is all about layering digital funkiness over our humdrum reality. Like, why settle for boring old real-world sculptures when you can whip out your phone and see a 3D model of a T-Rex playing a saxophone right in your living room? Yeet, indeed!

Take, for instance, the glorious insanity of AR installations. Picture this: you're waltzing through a park, minding your own business, when BAM! – you hold up your phone and suddenly you're surrounded by Van Gogh's Starry Night swirling around you. But wait, there's more! Tap your screen and now it's a mash-up with Kanye West’s face superimposed on the stars, each twinkling to the beat of "Gold Digger." AR takes traditional art, dunks it in a vat of pop culture references, and serves it up with a side of “OMG, what even is reality anymore?”

Now, let’s slide into the realm of VR. Oh boy, VR! The lovechild of The Matrix and every sci-fi movie ever, where you strap on those oversized goggles and suddenly you’re not just viewing art, you’re inside it. Yes, my friends, VR is the ultimate “choose your own adventure” book but with fewer words and more chances to walk into walls because you forgot you were in your mom’s basement.

Imagine stepping into a virtual gallery. You're no longer just a casual observer; you're Tony Stark flying through a museum of mind-bending creations. Here, a giant, pulsating jellyfish sculpture floats by. There, an interactive 3D model of a black hole swirls ominously, narrated by none other than Morgan Freeman because, obviously, his voice makes everything 1000% more epic. KA-POW!

Speaking of interactive, let's not forget about those VR art experiences that let you go full-on Bob Ross. Don your VR headset, grab your virtual paintbrush, and get ready to paint some “happy little trees” that you can literally walk around. Or, if you're feeling particularly avant-garde, why not create a VR masterpiece that involves neon cats riding on rainbows while quoting Shakespeare? "To yeet, or not to yeet," that is the question.

But wait, it gets wilder. Remember Pokémon GO? That was just the tip of the AR iceberg. Now, artists are creating mixed reality installations that blur the lines between the digital and the physical. Like, picture an art exhibit where you don AR glasses and suddenly the sculptures around you start talking. Not in a creepy, haunted-house way, but more like, “Hey, you look smashing today! Care to know my history?” It’s like Dora the Explorer meets Night at the Museum, but with a dash of Salvador Dalí.

And because we’re living in the age of TikTok and meme culture, these AR and VR art pieces are designed to be as shareable as possible. Snap a selfie with a digital Mona Lisa that dabs when you say “cheese,” or record a video of yourself dancing through a VR Salvador Dalí landscape, because if it didn’t go viral, did it even happen?

Now, here's the kicker: AR and VR art isn't just about creating mind-blowing visuals. It’s about making science meets art a reality. Literally. Imagine virtual galleries where you can explore interactive 3D models of scientific phenomena. Like, ever wanted to take a stroll through a human cell? Pop on your VR headset and shrink down to microscopic size, Ant-Man style, to wander through a nucleus and high-five some ribosomes. Or how about AR experiences where you can see the constellations mapped out in the night sky above you, complete with animated mythological creatures acting out their tales because plain old stargazing is so last century.

These techy art forms are also breaking down barriers, making art more accessible. You don’t need to travel to a far-off museum or shell out big bucks for an art show. Nope, just plop down on your couch, put on your VR headset, and voila! You’re at an exclusive art exhibit in Paris, sipping virtual champagne and nodding knowingly at pieces you pretend to understand. Très chic!

So, what does this all mean for the future? Will we all become digital art connoisseurs, navigating through a sea of virtual Picassos and AR Pollocks? Probably not. But we will have a heck of a lot of fun pretending. The fusion of AR and VR with art is like throwing a rave in the Louvre – it’s chaotic, exhilarating, and a little bit bonkers.

As we hurtle towards this techy art future, remember to keep your sense of humor intact. Whether you’re exploring a VR art space where kittens in space suits perform Hamlet or you're using AR to turn your living room into a disco with Andy Warhol lookalikes, the key is to embrace the absurdity. After all, if we can’t laugh at the idea of a digital Van Gogh quoting Snoop Dogg while floating above our heads, what’s the point?

So, dear students, go forth and dive into the fantastical world of AR and VR art. Strap on those headsets, fire up those apps, and prepare to be amazed, bemused, and probably a little bit confused. Just remember, when someone asks you what you did today, you can proudly say, “I explored the intersection of science and art in a mixed reality installation where Banksy’s graffiti danced to TikTok tunes.” And if they look at you like you're crazy, just smile knowingly and say, “It was lit.”

[arecipeforfeels]

Got high and decided I’m watching ca:tws so be ready for incoherence:

Marvel movies used to MEAN SOMETHING

They did however always live in the pocket of the military

I don’t care I would eat this movie if I could

They were so insane for it and they had to do civil war as the worlds worst no homo ever

HE DOESNT HAVE ANYONE AROUND THAT SHARES HIS EXPERIENCE COS HES LOST IN TIME

THE WHOLE MOVIE IS HIM BEING UNSUCCESSFULLY SET UP ON DATES

I hate everything

I also am not immune to an action sequence and some fun music….

Also it is very impressive how violent they can make these movies and completely get away with it if there’s no blood splatter

Bad guys r French, more at 10

I took a kickboxing class in like 2013 bc I thought black widow was hot and wanted to also be hot

(Sidenote, I also played basketball for five years bc of high school musical. I have never had an original thought in my life)

FIGHT SCENE NUMBER TWOOOOO

This is an iconic one cos it’s the one where he puts his shield on his back to fight for Even Footing (and also ON VA VOIR U WILL ALWAYS B FAMOUS)

people went so bonkers for that

Tag urself Im the giant harddrive

Okay goofiest admission ever: in this movie there’s a bunch of time spent in this one big building that’s supposedly located in dc. But it’s got this big giant atrium with a huge high steel and glass ceiling, and at some point during this movie someone hits it or crashes through it or shoots it. And every time I hear the words “glass ceiling” I think of this fuckin movie

CHEKHOVS ELEVATOR

“Wow yayyyyyyy war machiiiiiiime!! For sEcUriTy”

US Army wet dream while still trying to keep Cap there as a voice of reason

It’s a fascinating dichotomy

Air and spase! Museum (great night at the museum 3 reference)

Also I cannot believe he goes to his own fuckin exhibit

...actually upon reflection I too would go to my own exhibit

The endgame revisionism of him going back in time is soooooo stupid she does not exist to me

It’s such character assassination of everyone involved

(I don’t care, I say caringly, as I care deeply)

I also had (had??) a massive crush on Hailey atwell

Robert Redford is here

Weird joke about Algerians and the French

THERE IS AN ACTUAL COMPELLING CONVERSATION ABOUT PTSD

This movie is also a Chevy ad

Also I remember seeing the big SUVs in this movie and being like “damn those are tanks” they are also nothing compared to what’s out there now

This movie also feels so much more grounded in actual life

Like we talk abt all the CGI coming in later movies, this one feels gritty in comparison, on simply a mechanical level

Speed tour of dc

We have reached the civilian casualty stage of the movie

I can’t imagine how much money Samuel L Jackson has made off these movies

THE CAR FLIP SHOT W BUCKY IIIIIIIIII (editors note: this is where the coherence begins to go downhill. You can sense the trend)

god this movie

THE SHIELD CATCH IM EATING MY SHOES

Elevator scene lets fuckin goooooooooo

Let’s GOOOOOOOO

the tension build is so good

Everyone say thank u Steve rogers for breaking the glass ceiling

This movie is also an apple ad…2014

GUY WHO FULLY HITS ON STEVE AT THE APPLE STORE

Look the fuckin Natasha Steve bromance in this is lovely

Buddy comedy

I will say this was such a moment for the MCU, the hydra reveal

Esp cos like agents of shield was in its heyday etc etc

2014 sure was a time

This man [Toby Jones] has been so comically typecast forever

OPERATION PAPERCLIP CASUAL NAMEDROP

god

This is so fascinating to me Bc it’s like “Here is how we revisionize the United States’ history of interfering in coups etc etc it was bad guys in the government doing it etc etc”

“What we need to to is get back to the good government”

Sam Wilson the man that you are

Bucky shows up at any time in this fucking movie and I start barking

I am also always thinking of the “we shot him in ze legs” vine

This is my Roman Empire

“I knew him” oooouuuuugggHHHH

RIP Stan Lee

Bucky yeets a guy into a jet engine and by god does he look good doing it

This stupid movie (editors’s note: caught in a miasma of 2014)

[rzyraffek]

YANDERE THE MAN HUSH DUDE HEADCANONS BUT THE READER LOVES HIM BACK?? Btw they make tiktok vids together or share the same humour, They make vids about jokes or making funny vids by reacting or making someone read something & forcing to watch the vid with their reaction lol.

YANDERE the man (John) x reader

Headcanons, filming vids together or forcing each other to react to a weird video or doing weird funny stuff, if you want you can add anything else and yeah lol

Woah that is a long letter u wrote there

I LOVE THE IDEA OMG PLUS THEM PRANKING EACH OTHER omg BUT U FOROGR TO SAY WHAT PRONOUNS TO USE😭*exploes* gonna use she/her :) , there is some dialogue John is green and she is pimk

(Swf)(Request open)(TW:yandere,stalking,bulling people on tiktok)

Yandere silly dude from Hush (le josh) with as silly s/o

When he saw her first time he was sure that he will stalk her a little, spook her with some dead bodies, and kill her (his average sunday)

But after a while he kinda realised that he kinda likes her?? But he didnt pay mind to it(just yet) he still will try to commit crimes

He probably tried to stalk her while she was out in city but she bumped into him and he just 😳🧍 she probably started apologising while he tried to catch his breath.

And imagine if she decided that hes cute and invite him to some cafe. This guy went on mission to gather info to kill her, now He sits there drinking some tea and talks about some drama with her.

He will kinda find her funny, she seemed to have similar sense of humor like him. Then he decides to slow down his kill evil plan and gives her a chancs

His yandere type is defo "youre mine and only mine" but if she gets along with it, he is the biggest cuddle bug and shmol bean ever.

John wont tell her that he loves her (even if she is visably in love with him) and probably plan some evil kidnapind plan(super epic) So yeah he invites her to cute trip in forest total cute, then he ties her arms, then he yeets you in his car (he expects some sort of fight tbh) and drives you to his hause. While she just vibes to songs in radio.

"This is your hause now, try to escape and you wont be so happy" "cool, do you have wifi here" "🧍yea"

God zamn John prepared so hard!! Duble locks on doors, windows with super hard Glass, ect. He was prepared for game in cat and mouse and she just vibes on couch?

"I ordered pizza honey:)" "I cant eat it, I have ligma:(" "whats ligma" "😈 ligma bools"

Shes lucky he loves her because after limga joke he accualy regreted sparing her in first place

Also she would show him the most gen-z memes you can think of and record his reacion "Who is 🤨 among?"

He would blush like crazy when she wears his shirts, he will cuddle her a lot

He works out a lot, and eveytime after, he feels super strong and he just picks her up or play catch or just play-fight

'Damn babe somone just posted rat stealing whole bag of chips, wanna see?" *sees the video* "damn, so us"

He will say stuff like: slay, common W, most sane person in Ohio. This Type of stuff, im sorry if this bothers you

He will give headpats

If shes like tiktok famous and posts funni shit daily, she will try to inculde him. At first only as the guy holding camera or something. But later she will do stuff like "my bf reacting to my skincare routine!" Or "puting make up on my bf! (Not click bait) (he is shocked)"

I SWEAR TIKTOK COMMUTNITY IS THIRSTY THEY WILL SIMP OVER HER MAN

But if they dont mind its win-win because its free comments and likes (and in big scale it means money)

I wanted to post memes at the end but tumblr doesnt like so I prolly post meme right after posting it

Also reader sending him funny shit while he is 'at work' *she sends funny rat meme* "honey i litteraly shoot somone leg off wtf is that" "hehe funi rat"

He loves walks in forest, with hand holding ofc. Also He has ps5 and he will play with her some silly games

Overall 9/10: pros:you get free food, and u dont have to work, u get hugs 12/7. cons: u get kidnaped

I hope its up to ur standards, i made it a little long, john>>

[allofasudden00]

May I present to you, Imagine Julieta saying things! But its what my Mother has said when I show her Tiktoks.

*Shakes head when watching a cooking video* “See, he didn’t let his bread sit and that’s why it looks like that. *Disappointed sigh*

“Oh why is she dancing like that?” *Puts on glasses and squints her eyes* “Oh God that’s your sister.” *Takes off glasses and face palms.*

*A guy crashes during a bike trick* “Oh!” *grimaces but continues to watch the video without pausing* “Oh, I don’t like that.” 

*Rushes up with a smile* “Can you show me that animated chicken video, the one with the hat? I want to show it to your sisters!” 

*Hears a song and proceeds to tell facts about the band, its history, who the leads singer is married too, and when she listened to the band in highschool.* 

 *Shows video that is basically stupid gen-Z humor* “That’s... nice.” *Smiles awkwardly and turns back to looking at recipes on her computer* 

*Video where the person jokes about yeeting themselves off a bridge* “Do you need to talk?” *Proceeds to sit down with a cup of tea and lectures about how you are worth it* 

*Video of a guy talking, but he has a nice beard* “Oh he is handsome, where is he from?” *Puts glasses on and looks at the man without hearing a single word he says.* 

[bluepuppethidinginafilingcabinet]

here we go again y’all

guess what guys it’s time for another episode of puppet history and my good student note taking.

right off the bat. chains on the box. yelling about said box. suspicious box.

also i have a feeling that brian david gilbert being here to win isn’t gonna end well for him. sad.

shade being thrown at new york

i love a good defenestration

charles university is in fact a boring name.

i feel like the professor being so chill about ryan calling him a douchebag was odd

i would hate to be found dead in my bathrobe

yeet out the window indeed

yes ryan we do have a word for throwing people out windows

example window scares me

why’d the professor seem a little distraught about the idea of being thrown out the window. i feel like normally he’d just threaten right back. this is odd. i might just be paranoid.

classic too many popes problem

no i do not know the name of the most important czech religious reformer of the 15th century.

welp none of those options seem more obvious than the others

why are they making the professors head larger and larger. i’m scared.

i do think that this guy has some really good point

that was a good chip joke. 12/10

“oh, yeah you murdered someone, well pay me 50 bucks and you can still go to heaven” is the same energy as “oh, you murdered someone? you got 40 bucks?” from the keddie cabin episode of unsolved

so true ryan bergara. you did not successfully murder anyone. or have you?

i don’t think jesus wanted people to die martyrs.

i love a good ritz cracker

too many jans

so true professor. everyone is exactly as they seem.

i mean showing up to church armed is certainly a choice.

um professor. heh. yeah. that is wild. can’t imagine that happening. at all. nope.

i love just throwing a bunch of people out a window

example window is still scary

thud from behind the theatre. was that supposed to be suspicious or was it just strange.

agreed not enough kicking pits.

honestly ryan as president would not be the worst president the us has had. not by a long shot.

is that the isaac newton puppet???

horse noises horse noises???? that’s not right. also i thought she was also dead????

also did the horses go to limbo when they died? because they were alive. i have so many questions.

the ad was uhhh something else

why defenestration? because why not

i love being drowned impaled and crushed by a wheel

i don’t know what creatively gruesome way i’d want to go. maybe i’ll come back to this.

i suppose being hurled out a window could be embarrassing.

dude being thrown off a church’s steeple would suck so hard

catholic lion brunch sounds like a nice little sunday activity

THEY BEHEADED TWELVE PEOPLE???? THATS SO MUCH WORK

you know maybe defenestration was the only thing they knew

mayor tossed out window? meh.

yeah why would you kill the person then throw them out the window???

oh boy here we go again

ah yeah that hot new sound of broken glass

yeah keep destroying stuff. that’ll end well.

great. good. mock trials.

aw nice upstairs.

ah fuck

i really do not like the example window

taking the hats is rude but also very funny tbh

“we’ll soon see if his mary helps him out” a banger of a line

very impressive to survive that fall.

b for blunder.

OH NO NOT THE BEES AND THE BASKETBALLS. PROFESSOR THATS NOT THE JOKE. PLEASE.

they really fell into literal shit

why did the professor sound weird.

there does seem to be a lot of piles of shit just laying around

almost martyr is in fact a really useless title

yay another war! - said no one ever

i hope this war isn’t 80 years long

oh good it’s not

BUT WHERE IS MY C DOGS BUT DAMMIT

we’re back to bathroom guy

i highly doubt that’s the last defenestration ever

oh boy musical number time

not the window

oh yeah just an angry mob. it’s fine.

really appreciate the emoticons in the lyrics

ryan looks concerned in a different way than usual

banger as per usual shane, congrats.

oh oh boy oh no

THE ALGORITHM ACTUALLY EXISTS???????

also the professor be glitching

lmao not the soaring performance

the professor out here ignoring the algorithm

oh boy it’s the puppet crème again. it scares me. especially the spelling crème like that

ryan lost the auction against connie huh? fucking connie.

the professor’s little head tilting

also he’s failing to lie so hard

oh yay i love the weird little voice change. not uncomfy at all.

aw ryan drives him home

uh huh normal work. sure.

why are there jelly beans all over the fucking floor of the theatre

love a staring contest with the moon

oooo not the flashback

okay egg. egg hatching.

shane what are you up to. what’s going on. i have so many questions.

[soft-boi-eli]

Mcyts helping a trans masc after top surgry (part 2)

Tw:swearing, mentions of surgry, softness.

Karl

This sweet ass man.

You are just laying on your bed, well sitting really, when he came in.

He had a fuck ton of balloons. And a large box.

Karl seemed like a child on christmas.

Placing the balloons down he handed you the surprisingly light box.

He was gently bouncing as he waited for you to open it.

It shocked you how it even fit in the box.

It was a huge frog bed.

You realized with a pillow you would be able to sleep in it perfectly.

"I knew it was uncomfortable sleeping like that so I got something that should make it a bit more comfortable."-karl

You loved it.

Sadly you couldnt use it till those drains were out though.

He was right though that was definitely more comfortable then laying on a bed only.

He didnt think it through though. And got sad when he wasn't able to fully cuddle you.

But he found out that he could lay on your lap and legs.

You both enjoyed it.

Also he might be a bit squeamish when it came to your chest drains but he was helpful with them.

He helped you clean them and your wounds, he was very, very gentle.

He didnt want to hurt you.

"You know it's ok to do it a little harder. It wont hurt."-(y/n)

"But I dont want to hurt you. I know this doesn't hurt."-karl.

It was sweet. But got kinda annoying sometimes when he couldnt get something off. But he never got angry or frustrated. Just kept very gentle.

I imagine that when he was cleaning your new scars, Jimmy came to see if you got his balloons and if you doing good.

You two were in the living room bowl of warm soapy water, in a large plastic bowl, and karl gently wiping off all of the crust around the scars.

You fell asleep before karl finished and karl was finishing up when jimmy came in.

"Karl. They're alseep."-jimmy

"Yeah but this needs to be cleaned. It doesn't hurt them."-karl

Jimmy and karl literally just sat there till you woke up.

You thanked jimmy for the balloons and thanked karl for helping you clean those wounds.

Karl didnt mind though. Cause this sweet heart cares for you and just wants you to feel better and feel comfortable.

Quackity

He loves you and all but dont expect him to help with the surgical sight.

He'll do everything for you except clean your wounds and drain those drains.

He loves to hug you and kept you warm.

He would stream but you were always behing the green screen so no one would see you.

"Alex. Can you get me to book I left in the living room. I feel like shit still."-(y/n)

He was very quick to get it. And I mean he bolted out got it and brought it in the span of a minute. He gave you a light kiss on the forehead, and whispered.

"Anything for you mi amoir."-quackity.

You gave him a smile.

"Simp."-(y/n)

He gasped offended and looked at you.

"Well only for you though."-quackity.

I imagine as a get well gift quackity would get you something to remind you of him when he streams.

Large duck push.

He knew that his streams could last a long time so he decided it was best if you had a snuggle buddy to help you stay in position.

If the duck got dirty he was cleaned nearly immediately by quackity.

If the duck falls off the bed quackity gently yeets it onto the bed where you can reach.

He might of gotten jealous of the duck a few times. But he seemed to get over it when you went to hugging him instead. Sadly it wasnt that easy to but still none the less you gave him hugs too.

Dont neglect you quack boi.

He needs hugs like you do.

Give them to him. These are the only times you get cuddles. Other then that he is making food, getting you comfy, and fixing your pillows and shit like that.

He is now a maid.

Not sexually though. He just cleans the house, get you things you need, and makes food.

He is helpful.

Just not with the cleaning process of your wounds. And that's fine. He keeps you comfy and that's all that matters.

Also if your cold in the middle of hot ass summer and asking for more blankets he would look at you crazy. Like what the fuck?

But you have them lightly fluttered over you.

He wants you comfy. Even if that means you looking like your boiling alive in the middle of july.

If your happy he's happy. That's how it goes

Badboyhalo

Badboyhalo?

More like dadboyhalo.

He is not going to let you do anything.

Your surgical incisions? He's cleaning them.

Your drains? He's got you.

Your getting alot of soup and smoothies. He even joins in on your so called diet so you wont get jealous about what he has.

Rat is all over you. Sensing the pain you were having and cuddling you completely. Your laps is almost always taken by rat.

Badboyhalo doesn't really care if rat gets alot of attention by you. He just wants you to be comfortable.

But sometimes he gets sad that he cant fully lay with you.

But he enjoys just sitting with you and talking through the nights you cant really sleep.

He gets you a stuffed cat, you use it mainly as a pillow and sometimes hug it when bad is streaming.

"It reminded me of you when I saw it."-bad

Your heart melted.

He loved your reactions to the little sweet gesters he did. It brought him joy to know you were able to relax and trust him at this moment and time.

You get a free swearing pass. He knows you hurt really bad at times but he lightly says language when on stream.

You understood though. He had kids watching too.

You were grumpy one day, bad took rat because of a rat cam stream. And all you wanted was to be warmed up by something else then a blanket.

You were sittinging there looking at bad as he streamed.

You could technically get up and grab rat but he my tell you not to.

So you quietly patted your lap.

Rat immediately seemed to notice and run over to you, jumping onto the bed and laying in your lap.

You felt accomplished and tired so you fell asleep.

Rat leaving made the chat confused but bad explained that you were healing from a surgery.

Chat wished you a good recovery and told bad to go and comfort you. Even though you were asleep.

He tried to explain it but the donations kept yelling at him.

So he ended stream and laid next to you and rat.

This was comfortable.

Eret

Eret, they were a whole 'nother story.

This fabulous being is like a maid service in one.

They have two outfits they wore when you were upset.

A maid outfit and a butler outfit.

You just got home, you were in pain, sitting up and swaddled in blankets and Goose was trying to smother you at this point.

Eret was streaming and you were sitting there in the background, blankets, pain, and goose exsiting.

You didnt know eret was talking about you because you were falling asleep. Eret nor you expected what their followers did.

Her door was bombarded with packages addressed to you. Decorated with words about getting well soon, that they were proud of you, even some saying you were their rolemodle.

Eret decided to have a stream of you opening them.

Let's just say alot of them were food, candies, even foreign food and drinks. Someone made you a homemade blanket in the trans colors.

Best part about that blanket, it was heated.

You were using it immediately as you were freezing.

Eret just chuckled and rubbed your shoulder as you opened them.

Needless to say they are proud of you, happy that you were one huge step closer to who you were.

All they wanted was your happiness.

Niki

She's a sweetheart.

Need I say more?

Well I will because fuck you I can.

Constant cuddles, be it only her head in your lap, it is almost always happening.

When you have to take your pain meds she is instantly on it, do you want soup or a smoothie? You cant decide? She'll make it a surprise.

If you dont live with her then you're staying with her while you are recovering. She doesn't want you alone when you are in pain.

You'll be bedridden until she thinks you're okay.

If she deems you as not fit for doing something she's on it. Drop you glasses for reading/drawing/writing/typing. You bet your ass as soon as she heard that clack and you groan she's picked it up and it's on your lap.

Also makes sure you're good with streaming.

If you say your good with it that day it's a calm stream. There is no lore happening when you're healing everyone was fine with that due to the fact that niki would have to sit out and the lore was with her as well so that couldn't happen.

Will came to visit...

Saw you, took pity, and now you're stuck with two people showering you in affection and comfort.

You saw Wilbur as a brother. And wilbur saw you as his younger brother. So he literally felt the pain when he saw you wince.

Niki thought it was cute and comforted both of you.

Anyways she saw something before your surgery and decided that you needed it.

It would make you feel better.

It made you laugh.

You regretted laughing but loved the hoodie.

It fit so well and it was beautiful, you also were thinking about buying it one day because you could.

But niki beat you to it.

Wilbur didnt stop laughing.

I mean who blames him.

You literally just Yeeted your tits. And niki got you something that said yeet right on top of it.

It worked perfectly.

Also when niki's not cuddling you zuko is.

End of story, you're seriously stuck with cuddles no matter what. Be it from an animal or a human.

Wilbur wont cuddle you more of give you head pats.

Niki normally streamed with you there with her unless lore stream.

So when the second day after your surgery, she had streamed, and you weren't there her chat started asking questions. Wondering if you were good, if something happened.

That's when you raised from your dead sleep, zuko falling off your stomach, shirtless, just to go grab some sock as your toes felt like they would fall off.

Chat seemed relived but started questioning the binder and all that.

Niki explained that you got top surgery and that you were healing still.

"He's looking like he wants to die right now. Are you sure he's fully okay?"-dono

"Yeah I'm good. Just stubbed my toe as well."-you.

Niki was quick to rush over and help you back to the bed.

"Just sit down I'll get you your water hun."-niki

She was quick to fill your bottle up and place it next to you on the table next ot the bed.

She's such a big help not matter what honestly.

She loves you and will do anything for you.

I am sorry this took so long. Just had a very unstable mental state. Also sorry if they seem oc. I'm once more not on a good mental state and have been trying to work on this.

So yeah if I dont post in a bit I'm so sorry just stressing alot. Insomnia is kicking me so hard.

My grandma broke her foot, she's all good though.

And I have taken up most things in my house as I live with both my mother and grandmother still.

But yeah I apologize for the break just gonna try to let myself get better. It might take a bit. It might be quite short I dont know. I just need to get more sleep.

Eli is very tired now. Bye.

[shankss-magnificent-ass]

Imagine being the reptile catcher for the red haired pirates

The red force is docked at a desert island

You: *exploring a small ruin while the core crew is looking at some maps when you find a snake*

Rockstar: oh my god! That's a false Sand King Viper!

You: *grabs it below it's head* cool

Rockstar: *speechless*

You: *goes over to Shanks* look what I found!

Shanks: *turns his head to see a snake a foot from his face and he throws himself backwards* WHOA!

Benn: what the fuck (y/n)!

You: what I thought boys liked this sort of stuff? *Looks at the Snake*

Shanks: throw it away throw it away now!

You: but

Shanks: *Uses his captain voice and glares at you* THROW IT AWAY!

You: *yeets it* what's the big deal it's just a little snake?

Shanks: I can't stand reptiles

Benn: none of us can

You: why? They're virtually harmless?

Shanks: key word being virtually! Not totally.

You: okay, thought boys liked that sort of thing, but you don't, noted and won't do it again.

The red force is docked at a small tropical port

You: *sorting the ships map collection*

Shanks: *yells in panic on the other side of the boat*

You: *waits and listens for more yelling*

Benn, Yassop, and several other men: *start yelling as well*

You: *hears glass shatter some where on board the ship* I swear to the gods those sons a bitches better not have broken anything important or mine. *Goes to the galley where the noise is coming from*

Several crew members: *standing on a table*

Benn: *pushing yassop towards the sink*

Yassop: * holding a broom like a weapon*

Shanks: *squatting in the sink, wielding a ladle and pot lid in oven mit clad hands* I want that damn thing off my ship

Source of the noise: *a horny and scared lizard trying to run away from them*

You: *picks it up* what the hell are you guys doing?

Shanks: throw it off the ship throw it off my damn ship

You: but we're out at sea

Shanks: yes! Now get that scaley runt off my ship please

You: I'm not throwing it overboard

Few days later, the crew is hiking through a high altitude jungle to get some weird specific thing shanks wants

Shanks: we rest here for a few minutes *leans against a tree*

You: *goes over to him, hooks your fingers into the waist of his trousers, and pulls him towards yourself*

Shanks: *Feels the glide of your knuckles and the dull scraping of your ring along the skin of his pelvis making him gasp* what are you doing?

You: there's a leaf-tailed gecko on that tree

Shanks: *very flustered* oh, thank you

You: *walks off*

Benn: you alright?

Shanks: I... I think I'll go take a dip in the stream.

Yassop: but it's full of snow melt, it'll be freezing.

Shanks: I'm counting on it.

[spongebob-connoisseur]

Well... I mean I DID kind of have that maid dress in mind but at the same time I guess any maid dress would work??? Idk man, I don't know what I was expecting but what you drew in response to my ask was 10x better than what I was trying to put together as far as so thank you???

At the very least, seeing this made my day lol, so thank you for that as well - Maid!Slappy anon

Don't worry about it maid!slappy anon! I thought your ask was pretty funny and I'm glad it made you laugh! I couldn't stop laughing when I received it! It painted a very clear and distinct image in my head.

I know exactly what you were referencing but the way how sponge was humiliated by being forced to wear the maid dress for Squid ward wouldn't happen to Slappy. He's a weird little fuck who does things to deliberately make people uncomfortable. I imagine it must be hard to make HIM uncomfortable. Plus pretty frilly dress. It's more realistic that he would've worn it to grate on Nosferatu's nerves. He may be a vampire minion but deep down Nosferatu fears him.

Also realistically Nosferatu wouldn't audibly yell at him. Whenever Nosferatu starts yelling, one of those silent film text cards show up. Like this

I did have an alternate drawing in mind but too lazy to make it. Slappy giving Nosferatu the lemonade and nosferatu being so pissed that he yeets the glass at slappy and just narrowly misses him. The glass would smash into the wall right next to slappy's head. Slappy isn't hurt. He doesn't even flinch. In fact he would kinda look high so it would take a couple of seconds to register.

I know nosferatu would probably be way nicer to Slappy but I think its funny to imagine him being on the literal edge with slappy and close to snapping and killing Slappy :)

Anyways here's the last two drawings since you were so nice :>

Cat eared one is based off of when I first added Slappy to tomodachi life and my friend said "you only added him in so you can make him a cat boy maid". I wasn't but I did appreciate the suggestion and did it 👌

[onlycasuallyobsessed]

Imagine going over to a friend's house to see their new cat, and it's a brick with some dollar tree cat ears on it. You chuckle at first, thinking your friend is pulling one over you. But then you hear the brick meow, and it immediately yeets itself out of a window, shattering the glass and setting off a car alarm outside.

Your friend turns to you and says "he's pretty shy."

[zeetasposts]

Mitsuhide- The Blind Date

Fandom: Ikesen

Pairings: Mitsuhide x Reader

Genre: Modern Au

Warning: Alcohol

Words: 1800+

Comments: Eeeeep, guess what time it is???? Whooop Whooop! //dances around ❤❤❤😳🥺🥺😳❤🌈 This week gonna be funnnnn!

.*:・’ﾟ:｡.*:ﾟ･’ﾟﾟ:。’ .*:・’ﾟ:｡.*:ﾟ･’ﾟﾟ:。’･ﾟ｡.*:・’ﾟ: ｡.*:・’ﾟ:｡.*:ﾟ･’ﾟﾟ

How in the high heavens did Mitsuhide allow this to happen. Had he truly lost his mind—gone entirely insane— or perhaps he had been drugged, yes, for there was no other logical explanation as to why on earth he would humour his friends so.

Sitting on the high stool at the bar, he checked his phone, 8:53— he would give her seven more minutes and then he was going to yeet out— that way, at least he could tell the other that he ‘tried’. After all, that was all he promised his friends— that he would show up—nothing more, nothing less.

Tracing his finger along the rim of the whiskey glass, Mitsuhide contemplated the events that transpired leading to this rather unfortunate present day.

All his friends were either dating or married—tragic really��and for some or other reason, they felt the need to pry into his personal life. “Don’t you want to share your life with someone,” the mother of the group started, which inevitably only caused the rest of the group to latch onto the idea and turn the once serious board meeting into a game of matchmaking. It certainly didn’t help that he agreed to a blind date willingly— well semi willingly, anything to get them off his back— adding a condition of his own, that the mouse would have to agree to it from her side without intervention from theirs.

He was confident she would refuse, from the words of friends, she certainly sounded like someone of likewise thinking— a fellow workaholic with no time for dating. But she — to his great surprise— accepted.

It made no sense to him. What made even less sense was why his friends thought the two would click, as personalities and hobbies certainly didn't seem to gell well— at least not in his mind.

Not that any of that mattered as time was ticking away, and she had one more minute to show up before he would call it a night.

A myriad of texts illuminated his phone, and Mitsuhide could only release a dejected sigh from the latest of messages plaguing the group chat. “Be nice and behave yourself,” the mother hen had said.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t,” came the instigation from Masamune, followed by an array of winking faces and smirk emojis. Now you can only imagine the chaos that unleashed upon the group chat with each member laying their own little egg and nugget of wisdom.

“M-Mitsu?” a soft unsure voice spoke up from beside him, tapping him gently on the shoulder.

Switching his phone off, he plastered a snek-like smile across his features before turning his sharp eyes onto the unfortunate little victim of his company.

“My, you must be the little mouse I’ve heard so much about," came the sly words from his mouth as he gestured for you to take a seat beside him.

With a slight smile shot his way, you took up residence on the tall barstool, “In the flesh,” came your cheeky voice as you shrugged off your jacket and placed both elbows on the table to rest your chin upon your hands.

“And you must be the detective?” you quipped back.

Mitsuhide smiled at that, eyes taking on a mischievous glint as he leaned in closer to drop his voice to a dangerous whisper, “of sorts,” he quickly looked behind him — to add to the suspicion— before returning his attention to you, “and you, my dear, have unfortunately been set up and caught in the foxes trap.”

He kept your gaze in all seriousness.

He was sure you had heard the rumours of his interrogation methods, being no secret at all in the little town you occupied, people, unfortunately, liked to gossip — and whether the rumours of his wicked ways of getting information out of suspects had been spread intentionally or not, people tend to move with caution around him. It was, unfortunately, the nature of his job, and as such, led him down this long lonely road.

You narrowed your eyes at the man, silence befalling the pair of you as you held his gaze before responding in an equally intimidating voice, “have you now, or is it you who has been caught in my trap.”

After another pause, you threw your head back in a burst of laughter without a care in the world. 'He seems fun,' you thought, shooting a wink in the direction of the bartender in thanks for the whiskey on the rocks. You picked up the crystal glass and swirled the liquid around before taking a long sip. It had been a long day, so much so that you almost wanted to stand the poor man up, yet you came anyway, if only for a stiff drink to ease the tension of the day.

“So, Mr fox detective, sir, what’s wrong with you that your friends felt the need to set you up on a blind date, and with me of all people! Do they hate you or something?" you asked, tilting your head to the side in curiosity.

In the dimly lit bar, you gave Mitsuhide a quick once over— he was handsome, in a dangerous, mysterious kind of way. He reminded you of a creature of myths— a kitsune— with his white hair and golden eyes accompanied by that razor-sharp smile. Perhaps that is why the rumours surrounding him were all so believable to the simpletons of the town who had nothing better to do than gossip— cause heaven forbid they do actual work for a change. Relatively speaking, you had not paid the gossip much mind. Instead, you were in the business of judging a book for yourself and not by what others rated it as.

“I could ask the same of you, little one?” he returned the question back to you, resting his chin on his hands.

“Well, to put it simply, my friends don’t know the difference between being alone and being lonely,” you said with a sigh, taking another sip of the drink in front of you.

Mitsuhide nodded in response, long fingers tracing over his glass thoughtfully with a hum of acknowledgement as you continued. “I knew if I refused to come tonight, they would just pester me until I agreed, so, in the name of some peace and quiet, here I am,” you ended off with a laugh and shake of the head.

Perhaps that was not entirely true; sometimes, you wondered what it would be like to find love— to have company to attend the various friend’s weddings with— after all, you were forever the bridesmaid and never the bride.

On the other hand, he knew the struggles of meddling friends all too well, and of course, the endless headache that accompanied the refusal of their ‘help’. He lifted his glass towards you, features softening as eyes crinkled at the seams in a semi genuine smile, “to meddlesome friends.”

You smiled brightly at that, clinking your glass with his as a comfortable silence befell the two of you—it looks like you had more in common than just your workaholic ways.

After a couple of minutes had passed, both your phones lit up at the same time, with an array of nosy friends asking about the ongoing date. And the two of you couldn’t help but burst into laughter and shake your heads in unison, “Unbelievable,” you spoke, taking another sip, an idea forming in your head to get them off your case for a little while longer.

Mitsuhide raised a curious brow at you as you silently lifted your phone, scrolling between the apps before landing on the camera. You shot him a mischievous smile before throwing your arm around his shoulder to pull him closer to you, “What do you think they would say if we sent a selfie,” you said, looking into the camera smiling brightly as finger spammed the little circle capturing a dozen or so photos before Mitsuhide even had time to rebuff. You never did mind creating a bit of chaos, and what better way to do so than, god forbid, you actually hit it off with the man.

“I wonder,” was all he said with a sly smile, and to your surprise, Mitsuhide actually smiled in a handful of the ones captured.

You quickly edited the picture, posting it onto the group with a cheeky caption; however, before locking your phone once more, something in the image caught your attention—a little sticker on Mitsuhide’s trench coat lapel. Your brows furrowed as you zoomed in to inspect it before they lifted to the man beside you, to see it in person. With a curious smile and finger pointed out to the little fox sticker, you couldn’t help but ask, “What’s with the little fox?”

“It’s a long story, my dear,” he said with an air of mystery, but you persisted, leaning closer to get a better look.

“Well, I have time,” the words fell from your mouth, followed by another round of drinks ordered.

“You truly wish to know, little one?” he replied with glowing eyes. And that was the beginning of the end.

The origin story of the fox sticker led to another, that, then led to another and then another. Until a fun game started between the two of you— a story for a story— each new tale accompanied by a new round of drinks ordered.

It was now your turn to tell yet another exciting story, this time about your childhood of all things, however, time had quickly slipped away, and before you knew it, your eyelids started to grow heavy with sleep, words coming out slower and slower until finally your head fell and landed on Mistuhised shoulder.

“My, my little one, you should not let your guard down so easily with a man like me,” the tender words were spoken; it was one of those rare occasions Mitsihide dropped his foxlike mask and wore a genuine smile.

He looked over to see you sound asleep, and it seemed that his fingers moved to their own accord, reaching up to twirl a strand of your hair between his fingertips. After a moment or two, he shrugged off his trench coat and draped it over your shoulders to keep you warm and protected from the cold night’s chill.

“Come along, little mouse; I believe it is time for sleepy mice to go to bed.”

He then proceeded to gently hook his arm around your legs and waist, picking you up bridal style and cradling you to his chest.

“You truly are a troublesome little one, whatever shall I do with you,” he spoke fondly as he carefully loaded you into the passenger seat of his car before securing the seatbelt around you, while you, completely unstirred, remained fast asleep.

You awoke the next day in your own bed, splitting headache nagging at your temples as unfocused gaze locked onto a glass of water and aspirin left by your bedside. Sitting up, you wasted no time taking the hangover cure, memories of the previous night flooding your head.

“Shit shit shit shit,” you curse under your breath, throwing yourself back and covering your head with a pillow— how very uncool of you to just pass out in front of a stranger like that, never mind how unsafe.

Your phone buzzed on the bedside table beside you, cutting your groans of embarrassment and cringe short, replacing it instead with a broad smile upon reading the text from your mysterious date.