#imagine it not existing anywhere
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Kuroshitsuji book of circus ost is mostly gone from the youtube...
#what's next#shiki soundtrack???#this is devastating#a piece of me has been deleted from this world...#thank god a soldier has uploaded it on soundcloud#imagine it not existing anywhere#even as a cd#it's actually a terrifying thought#even on internet things don't live forever#we may not be able to hear our favorite music or see our favorite fanart ever again one day#wow
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just realized i forgot to make a page for sleight on my artfight, so i decided to update his ref while im at it
#for legal reasons clawronto canyada isnt actually mentioned anywhere in laikas comet and might not even be canon#im just having fun with the furth naming schemes.. and i lived in the GTA myself and i can see him being at home in the elgin#it has like a very fancy vibe but in an aged way yknow...??the kind of thing u imagine when u think of old magic tricks on stage heh#i also wanna get around to finalizing the design for his van bc i have some concepts down for a folding down stage. like a barbie camper#theres a forum called the skoolie where ppl post abt school bus modding to make em into travel campers and im using it for reference#i.. love this guys design so much i want more reasons to draw him for fun lol#my art#myart#oc#my oc#myoc#fur#furry#furry art#laikas comet oc#laikas comet#sleight#reference sheet#oc ref sheet#fan character#? sort of?? atp hes more like a guy who happens to exist on furth than a fan character to me. idk
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can i ask.how u guys practice ur creativity <3 how u practice ur imagination or like.. how u experiment with ur art, how u come to ideas and how u develop them.<3 pretty please <3
#smthing i have always struggled w.is feeling like i can only draw things that r handed 2 me.#as in.an idea or concept that already exists#chara or conflict that already exists.Scene that alr exists.#and i think it can be soo limiting bc when i have that sort of creative desire but nothing 2 reflect off of it#i feel like im unable to do anything/get anywhere bc im unable to do that mental legwork myself ykwim#like comic artists r SOOO JAW DROP INSPIRING TO MEE bc not only are u envisioning ur own sequences/situations#but u are able to imagine even the most MUNDANE interactions within those scenarios u know#like the transitory panels and the quiet moments and the every day stillness#and i feel like.its not even a poor attempt on my behalf its like.i cant Even attempt it.like my brain is soo empty#and soo static and noiseless that i am like gauhh......#i can practice lines all day long and practice colors and practice anatomy or Whatever bc its something concrete#and its in front of me and i can pry apart the physical technicalities until i understand it better#but my MIND???ABSTRACTION>? THOUGHTS .ough its so hard#and i really want to push past that but i dont know how and its so .. demoralizing to think that ill get there One Day but i feel#one million and two days away.and not making active process towards it.#i know the first step is to build ur visual library and i feel liek. idk i FEEL LIKEEE theres more 2 it that im missing#but also im depressed as hell n my job is killing my creative drive and the seasonal stuff isnt helping#so maybe i just need 2 give it time (true) but i also like.man i dont know. i want 2 do something w my hands#but everything ive been doing so far has felt soo .hard and fruitless and i definitely dont want 2 turn art into such a stressful thing#fruitless as in like.i dont get any personal satisfaction w it.idgaf abt monetization or algorithms or any of tht#but smtimes thats just what happens and i have 2 weather through and know ill be more equipped 4 this some other time#SAWRYYY IM ALWAYS GOING ON AND ONNN im nromal im normal<3 i just rly like art and it sucks balls whn it feels out of reach#sigh cry fart scroll.(:salute:)
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sometimes i scroll all the way over to that "news" section on my phone and see random articles recommended to me by google. today i was met with this article:
(you don't have to read it or give it any traction, it doesn't deserve that. it's simply here for context)
confused by the title, i was hooked into reading it. but the conclusion was simply, "My Lady Jane almost got as many renewal signatures as The Acolyte got, so the fans who did sign the petition are a vocal minority." and then went on to say this:
and i went "oh". these questions told me everything i needed to know about the author, he was a cis white guy. i scrolled to the end and sure enough, i was right. it really pisses me off when people are so entitled that they think something is just for them and should never branch out into appealing to other demographics. watching a cis white man protagonist in a movie or series never bothered me, why does it bother a cis white man when that situation is reversed, unless it comes down to bigotry?
forgotten what they are? the original trilogy was anti-war messaging and influenced heavily by a Japanese film, The Hidden Fortress. like frankly, shut the hell up. i'm so sorry that you got 7 (the new one making it 8) movies and ~7 series where a protagonist was a cis man who you could relate to. why is it so wrong to have media be "something for everyone" without the implicit reason being to alienate poc, lgbtq, or other minorities from your fandom.
yes, there is this almost weird corporate pandering where minorities get shoved in a role to be the "token", we generally don't like that shit either. we don't want half-baked representation. having a black woman protagonist just... being on the screen, is not "woke" corporate pandering!! what do you do if you pass a black woman on the street? scream, cry, throw a fit? i'm sorry to tell you that people exist?
i know this fandom is full of older white men, but i am continually surprised by the general narrow-mindedness and lack of media literacy that is so prevalent among them. when they willfully ignore the more progressive messaging of the original movies, it's like the alt-right manosphere space using The Matrix as a "stop being a societal sheep" metaphor when the directors and writers of the movie were two trans women who intended for the movie to be a metaphor for transformation. i won't say transness explicitly, because both of them were closeted at the time of making it and admit they only knew how to depict that in the form of their character, Switch, who was a trans allegory.
i for one was left with more questions than answers at the end of The Acolyte. i am a very lore-focused individual and tend to dissect things with the culmination of the information i know. but i did not hate the show. the characterization didn't have enough time to breathe for decisions to have felt earned, and just in general the pacing was quite fast. the newer concepts like heavily grey characters and Osha/Mae being the same person were very exciting to me, and i had hoped to learn more about Qimir in the next season. now i'll never get that chance.
if criticisms of the show stuck to the fast pacing or plot holes, we wouldn't be having this discussion. i like to think that one day these older fans will recognize the irony of their stances, but it might just be wishful thinking.
#sorry this is so long#i'm just so tired#“i'm not racist/homophobic/etc i just hate seeing that stuff in MY media”#stfu#the acolyte#qimir#osha aniseya#mae aniseya#one of my coworkers told me that Osha and Jecki's relationship bothered him and then he said something along the lines of#“oh well if her moms are gay then that means she's gay right?”#bro really thought once your family line is locked into the gay setting you can't go back#bisexual people don't exist wdym??#i was dumbfounded#imagine if the whole cast and show was whitewashed/straight#i doubt there would be anywhere near this much outrage#white men don't be racist challenge#level: star wars
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Ironic that I don’t know if I’ll even be able to get to the new Beetlejuice movie while it’s in theaters, considering I used to watch the original on a constant loop for comfort during some of the craziest years of my life, and I was probably one of the most obnoxious movie canon fans on the whole wide internet back then
🤷♀️
#oops baby#I guess babysitting exists???#but there are currently zero people i would trust my newborn with#and i can’t imagine relaxing anywhere without her in eyesight right now#at least not while she’s so very little#we might try bringing her to an early matinee in a few weeks#and just hope it’s empty or nobody will care if a baby cries briefly
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I swear to god there's a picture of the layout of seasoning city somewhere and I need it so badly right this second
#i will give whoever has it 1 (ONE!!!) real life dollar. just one.#you will not actually be getting that dollar#theres no way i imagined it but i cant find it anywhere#im going to have to resort to trying to figure out the map shown during the big cleanup arc with all the gang leaders on it#ok im looking at it rn and theres no way i can do that#if that picture doesnt actually exist im just gonna have go wing it#and it wasnt like the whole of seasoning city i think it was just like mobs house to salt middle and the surrounding area
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𝗚𝗮𝗹𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗻 𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗻𝘆 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗻𝗲𝗰𝗿𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗰𝘆. For him, the feeling of the latter—striking, palpable, entirely all-body—is addictive. It feels the most potent, singing through his body in a manner that thrills, and after calling down lightning in a flash of blue, its the fragrance of a storm that he's proud to wear. It makes his nerves feel alive. His every muscle feels wired. In a way, life's at its brightest when he plays with lightning, and mad in his eyes and wild in his hair, there's no element that comes close to besting it.
That said, however, it is necromancy that he's grown most adept in. Unfortunately, his relationship with it isn't half as kind as it is with lightning. Rotting from the inside, skin cracking nastily, Gale had grown desperate to control the orb. Because he's dying, he thought it best to study dying, poring himself endlessly in necromantic textbooks and experimenting (unsuccessfully) on his blight-gotten wounds. To note, necromancy itself isn't inherently evil. For example, it doesn't mean you support the raising of the dead. Rather, it's a study that's neutral just as any other, and as a study on forces from both death to life, Gale, with urgency, obsessively learned. With his year in solitude, it is feverishly that he took to necromancy. Somatically and verbally, his aptitude for the field is practically bar-none, and after Elminster helped tame the orb, the breadth of his studies comes to fruition. It isn't his favorite field, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't thoroughly enjoy it. It works well, anyway, considering his leaning for lightning; with necromancy chilling him, those violent bolts warm.
#HEADCANON.#I make it official. My Gale? Lightning and necromancy coded.#He smells like lightning and petrichor and wine and oud and parchment and#his blood tastes poisonous and rotting but BOGGED with the addictive tang of power#Gale taking to necromancy to try and undo what the orb was doing to him just makes sense to me#not that it ever got him anywhere but yknow.. a year all alone and wasting#makes you very very desperate.#this ties into my one headcanon where Gale was literally falling apart before he found out the only way to#calm the orb was to absorb magic. So imagine him studying necromancy desperately#as his nails took to rotting off or he started coughing up black blood#Lightning is what Gale loves. but his obsession toward necromancy was born out of necessity.#i just post mkre headcanons (mario vc) yahoo.#I know Gale is talented in magic but i have fun thinking all branches of magic are different#like art.#just cuz ur good at pencil art for example doesnt mean youre good at oil painting.#gale's the jerk that's good at every form of art in existence.
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ohh so itz one of Those days for me today huh.
#days where i ponder What if my friends and also literally everyone ever all Hated me due to the Valid reasons for hating me.#and then i spend so much time contemplating 1) what i would do if Everyone hated me and how i would explain myself in various situations an#places. what i would say how people would react what i would do in response etc. and then also 2) i contemplate and recontemplate my belief#over and over even tho i Know by now how i feel. because What if my opinion changes and i realize i was wrong before. and i finally arrive#at the perfect answer that feels Right and Good and True and which i could adequately explain to anyone and convince anyone of itz Rightnes#and Correctness. like thats not gonna happen thats not an answer that Exists can i chill out and focus on my classwork pleas.#i mean actually i have gotten some shit done. but i have More to do still. and i should work on more things instead of Contemplating and#Feeling bad over and over in ways i knooowwww will not lead me anywhere new. but what if they do!! what if i stop thinking about things and#then one day i would have had some realization if only id thought more but i didnt!#like come on. theres more productive things i can be doing with my time than going back and forth about this. pleaseee. this will not lead#to anything new can i Please do something useful and not bad-feeling with my time instead#but also i should not avoid uncomfortable thoughts just because they feel bad.. itz Important to be uncomfortable sometimes in order to gro#hhhhhhhhhhhh. this has been my brain all day whenever im not sufficiently distracting myself with conversation or school work.#imagining and running through scenarios of what would happen if various strangers and friends found out and disliked me for some things#is Not a good or productive use of my time rn. i need to focus on not failing any classes Please
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Me, attending the latest in a ridiculous number of funerals this year in the place of a childhood friend who couldn't be there, watching the lifeless body of an old lady who used to make me snacks in the kitchen when I was a kid be carted away forever while my friend's mother cries and tells me she's grateful I could be there because it felt like having the support of her own daughter, hugging her and talking reassuringly and not processing a single one of these emotions: ... I am going to write soooo much fanfiction about this
#''this'' being collective grief. because tbvh it's the main reason I haven't written very much this year (but will slowly start to)#I write to remind myself I am lucky. I keep telling myself this but even now when I feel awful I am so lucky#I am lucky that none of these funerals have involved very close family members or friends of mine#and I am lucky to be living in conditions with the space to write and space to grieve#and space to come together to mourn with dignity while people not that far away from me are not receiving the same privilege rn#I am lucky my dad was with me today and I spent the evening chatting with him on the terrace I am lucky he is alive I am lucky I am lucky#(apologies if this sounds like a robot malfunctioning lmao writing is just how I process things)#(and apparently I just don't seem to feel like I have the right to feel bad about any of this anywhere except my st@r trek blog hehe)#anyway. To stay on theme I shall say something about Trills :D#I imagine loss and grief must register very differently to them. very Non Linearly in the literal sense but also a highly abstract one#even I feel this massive sense of time warp between all these funerals; and this chest-crushing distance between me and my friends#how do Trills even exist#how do they wake up every day remembering all those friends and children and parents who loved them and they loved and are gone now#and still function#how does Ezri feel walking around with memories of parents that aren't hers (but were soooo much better than hers) taking care of her#does she feel comforted by them? does it feel like the people in those memories were always comforting HER specifically?#does it even matter who it belonged to originally if a memory is HERS now?#does Ezri mourn for any parents of past hosts more than she knows she will mourn for her own mother one day?#does having all this lived experience bring her reassuring amounts of perspective for a 20-something or just overwhelm her all the more?#idk; but I hope she learns to take comfort in her past hosts' memories of family eventually...#(...again. I am going to write sooooo much fan fiction about this lmao)#cw death
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wowee 😭
I'm in the process of answering the ASKS in order. I'm having a lot of fun so far! It keeps me motivated and helps get the juices going so I can actually work on proper art again.
I've also received some really nice tags on some of my posts, and I, um... You guys are too much. You're going to make this old bastard cry.
The amount of compassion I've received is astounding. GOD, what I'd give to have this kind of kindness earlier in my life. Maybe I wouldn't have turned out to be such a sour, black-hearted SoB.
It is true, though. BTW, I REALLY DO LIVE IN A DUMP. Please, for the love of GOD someone take me out of this TRASH ZONE. I hate that I relate to Spamton this way. HOLY #%^&.
WARNING: RAGE RANT BELOW
Do I mean a literal dump? UH, depends on who you ask. It's not MY junk, though, and that's the worst part. If it were mine, then at least I'd be able to toss it?!
Well, how should I put it? The house I live in has become a DUMP for everyone BUT me! All this stuff that's not mine, just DUMPED into this house. It's aggravating, and every time I want to get rid of this stuff, I get told, "That's not yours."
It's like #$%^ING HELL. You don't use it. You barely see it. WHY DO WE STILL HAVE IT. GET IT OUT. TOSS IT. Why can't I toss it? IT'S TRASH, AND YOU KNOW IT. I haven't been inside my garage in OVER A (*&)ING YEAR. A YEAR. There are NASTY Things in there I swear you need a HAZMAT SUIT. I AM not KIDDING [[tumblr]] IT IS THAT BAD. I am NOT making any of this up. EVERY DAY IS MISERY.
I've been advised by friends to just toss or sell things without anyone knowing, but you know, in a hoarder situation, it makes things worse!
Do you know how UTTERLY defeating this is? I WISH I could just throw it all in the [[REAL]] trash, but I can't without fearing my OWN stuff getting tossed. Oh yes, MY STUFF, that is worth THOUSANDS OF KROMER at this point. Stuff I take care of... Stuff that has value! I am a cOLLECTor, NOT A HOARDER! I have TREASURES! Hell, I get rid of them sometimes, too... TO OTHER COLLECTORS.
YOU WANT TO LUMP IT TOGETHER WITH THAT TRASH YOU PICKED UP FROM THE STREET? ARE YOU #$%^*ING @#($&ING ME RIGHT NOW. ARE YOU? ARE YOU?!
HAAAHEAHEAHEAHEAEHAAHEAHEA VERY $#**ING FUNNY. VERY........
UH. Haha... So yeah! That's my living situation. It's um.. PRETTY BAD!
I told my therapist all this crap and he said, "Goodness. There is a lot on your plate that's out of your control. The hoarding situation on your [[family's]] part is not helping."
OH, DON'T I KNOW IT.
Can I just get a legit BIG SHOT to get me the *&^# out. PLEASE? HEAVEN ARE YOU LISTENING? HAHAHAAH
#musings#positive mental attitude#rage post#thankful#I know the tags are contradicting#just go to read more and you'll see why AHAHEA#i hate my existence#sometimes#what I'd give to live in a NORMAL house#anywhere that I don't roam = hell#I'm not even going to bother describing all the other bad and gross things. Use your imagination on that one.
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The Daily Mail is full of shit always and I rarely give them clicks because they are nothing but clickbait but unfortunately this is an unintentionally hilarious bit of innuendo that made me chuckle 💀
Also: don’t believe anything they actually say they’re just comedians lmao
#their source: twitter fans lmao#does anyone even know where Taylor is? i thought the point of people’s anxiety was that she hasn’t been seen anywhere#wouldn’t have Travis been flying with his team anyway like how much time in the day would they have spent together were she there lol#(I’m not saying this to stoke the stalking I’m saying it to poke holes in the quote to show dm is terrible journalism lol)#in all seriousness i can’t imagine how frustrating it must be for the seedier corners of the internet to constantly question your motives#or the validity of your relationships#i know they’re mostly offline and avoid the noise as much as possible#but it just sucks that it exists and they have to block it out in the first place
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i declined that venice trip with one of my sisters right cause i think its way too out of my budget for now and i am going to be childless and rich as hell in the future anyways so i will go there eventually. Right. But now my other sister declared that she is taking me to wrocław and well taht would be a way different scope of costs but there is a certain divide between them on well A lot of things but one of them is competing for my love because i am the youngest and a star and the golden child by the mere fact of existing. And i unfortunately do get along WAYYYY better with the latter sister🥸
#and i feel weird accepting her proposal after i you knowwww. said no yo that other trip. i do not want to stremghten this divide#they grew up with one another they went to the same uni they lived together a bit past moving out and.#they fought A LOTTTTTTT and i am not involved by the virtue of not existing at that point or being like. 3. yeah.#but likeee this wont cost me almost 2k zł THAT I DO NOT HAVE and ive never been to wrocław or anywhere really. godddddddddd#also offtopic but i always get surprised by how many cities there are in the south like in general#and they have greater population than ours but they always feel like idk. such bumfuck nowhere type of places#ok i guess theres the mountains. fine#ive never been to the mountains can you imagine. my entire family comes from the mountains#but yeah its always like. our glorious nothingburger touristy lake town vs#idont even know i cant even make a joke about it i am just permamently salty that everyone online is from those places and never from#The Great North
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One of these days Imma write a Opla!Buggy/Anime!Buggy/reader fic. Not today but maybe one day
#what’s better than one buggy? TWO#imagine them both using their powers#hands and dicks could be anywhere#buggy the clown#they are both buggy but they are different enough to be able to exist at the same time in my mind#why choose between them when you can have both
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i love alternate universes where they only change a few small things here and there, because its mostly just funny quirks with the specific purpose of making a world thats almost-but-not-quite home, like changing the name of popular apps, or fashion or customary greetings, but my favourite has to be the decision to have a world where everyone writes on clear laminate sheets. aesthetically superb but practically horrid. 10/10 choice.
#i really love the look but genuinely it would suck so bad i cant fathom why this would exist anywhere ever#legibility issues across the board + so wasteful bc you cant do double-sided#unless theyre dry erase and you can reuse the pages?#in any case imagine trying to read a book. the fuck
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every time I see people hate on Barbara because apparently her whole character has been simplified to just be a love interest for dick because they like him and kori more, all I think is that audio thing where it’s like “you are a GIRL why are you hating like a MAN”
#oh my god imagine if I tagged this as starfire that would be honestly so petty and so annoying#but that’s what everyone does to barbara that would be so silly of me#you go on the Barbara Gordon tag on anywhere and it’s like 1% of people liking her and dick togrther 95% of people shitting on her because#they think kori is literally so much better then she is#and 4% is batfam posts or text posts where she’s there as the only sane one bc that’s what fanon has done to her#i love her and I absolutely love kori but omg pls stop being like insanely sexist to her#sorry i would die for Barbara Gordon i love her#and everyone literally gets the excuse of wishing her character never existed and how terrible she is and being incredibly misogynistic to#her bc of the killing joke when the killing joke was literally BUILT on how sexist the writer one#she was literally the only female in that whole thing and look what he did#but look how strong she was how it didn’t stop her how she persisted with oracle#she is literally the most important people to Batman as oracle and her being one of his most powerful assets#is insane because of how similar they are#how stubborn they are how angry they are and their moral compass and how shut off they are it’s literally insane#anyway babs is literally the best ever and all the haters literally make no sense 🫶���#barbara gordon#oracle#dc oracle#batgirl#laz.exe#dc
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Partly inspired by that possession post xD I mean, I was already playing with Technodrome!Donnie idea a lot xD
But seriously, it’s such an angst gold mine!! Technodrome particles that stayed in Donnie’s shell and fell dormant, so they weren’t detected by Donnie’s tech and their mystic nullifying powers didn’t allow mystic spells to detect them.
The brother is dead, the sister is locked away in human realm(no longer needed, a threat, an intruder) and the prime is locked away in prison dimenstion with all the dead technodromes and krangs.
Technodrome’s body and flash are destroyed... almost. The last bits gained some energy back and started merging with Donnie, not a conscious being, not really. A living machine that wants to be rebuilt. A machine that gained just a bit of sapience by merging with a very eager mind that sponges everything new, everything that Technodrome can offer.
They(it and he) find the bits of techndrome that are still salvageable. They build a new battle shell. They are more aware of themselves now, of who they are(of what halves they are made from), of what they want.
They are evolution. The progress can’t be stopped.
#rottmnt#Rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt donnie#rise donnie#rottmnt technodrome#it's just SO interesting to imagine what they would feel and think#in my head technodrome is more of a neutral being#*but still very dangerous. they were made by krang after all. it evolved in something more in time#they are machine they were made to destroy#but they also existed for thousands years and saw so many worlds#and this new mind gave them a new perspective#and they can give him everything he ever wanted#knowledge#power#possibilities#they are ecstatic together#they can reach so much more together#they can go anywhere they want#they can do anything they want#if only their new(old) brothers would understand
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