#imagine if anyone from work found my blog I'm so sorry

[fazcinatingblog]

Also when Sophia was telling really guy about the lightbulbs he needed to change and putting the bins out, I was behind sophia but really guy saw me laughing so he's like "Laura's laughing" shhhhhh quiet

[bvidzsoo]

Love Me Like A Rockstar (13)

ー☆ Chapter 13: You Know Me Too Well

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: Song Mingi x female reader

ー☆ Warning: cursing, usage of the word 'bitch' ー☆ Word count: 6.5k ー☆ Genre: university!au, enemies to lovers!au, rockstar!au ー☆ Rating: sfw ー☆ Summary: Love. You wanted none of it. You had already been heartbroken very badly once, you didn't wish to go through that ever again. But the Universe works in intricate ways and, somehow, you found yourself webbed up in a local rockstar's life, Song Mingi. He was everything you expected him to be, yet nothing like you imagined him he would be. What happens when you find mutual understanding and have heartful conversations? Will he be able to break down your walls? Will you be able to chase away his darkness?

A/N: Well, well, lovelies...new chapter is up and maybe I'm kind of kicking my feet??? Who knows, we'll see what y'all think of this chapter hehe. Also, happy birthday to Song Mingi?! I actually didn't mean to post the new chapter today, but today was the only day I had enough time to write it sooo, yeah. Tmi, but MC's mother is exactly like my mom, so maybe I drew inspiration from real life lol, I love her to death but sometimes I really wish SHE DIDNT SPEAK lol. Also, I'm so obsessed with today's song for the chapter; I'm screaming, crying, throwing up over it LOL. Just a heads up, next chapter is the last like actual chapter of the series and then I decided to add an epilogue lol cue the sobbing. As per usual, listen to You Know Me Too Well before or while reading the chapter! I hope you enjoy and let me know through feedback hehe <3 Enjoy your weekends! divider

Taglist: @orshii @or5i @lovely-red2 @scarfac3 @juicy-red

@sunaswifes-blog @voicesinmyhead-rc @teez-the-time @maru-matt @kyeos4ng

@deathbyyeekies @chicksmoothie @mjlbn01 @xhexy @tmtxtf

@hwashiningstar @thatfavouritesong @ateez-atiny380 @xciiiomwliah @vixensss

@catchingskzzzs @tesssaurrr @ginger-mingi @mingisbbg

⟨Series M.list ↭ Previous Chapter⟩

♫Playlist♫

            Saturday (2:55 pm)

Me: mingi can we talk?

Saturday (8:30 pm)

Me: i am free whenever you say so just let me know and i’ll be there

            Sunday (9:15 am)

Me: we need to talk, mingi.

            Sunday (12:08 am)

Me: please hear me out im sorry

Monday (current time)

            “Do you think he’ll slam the door in my face?” The hallways were buzzing with life as I tried to veer my way around the crowd of students without running into anyone. Today, out of all days, I just so happened to have my last class of the day in a completely different building and at least a good five-minute walk away from the arts building.

“It’s what you’d deserve, to be fair, but—” The was a gasp on the other side of the phone and my eyebrows furrowed as Seulgi muttered something to someone, muffled, “sorry, Wooyoung almost dropped my mother’s favorite vase, I told him to take off that blindfold.”

Eyebrows furrowing even deeper, I abruptly stopped walking, making a girl give me a heated glare that I didn’t care for, “Why is he blindfolded? Wait! I actually don’t want to know.”

“We were playing hide and seek with his niece, you idiot, but I got bored and sneaked away when I saw you calling.” Seulgi’s voice was exasperated and I chuckled as I took off again, leaving the science major’s building as I nuzzled further into my thick scarf. Some days it was warmer, but most days it got really cold and I hated it. I couldn’t deal with the freezing weather, perhaps it was my biggest enemy after Jeong Yunho, “Anyways, as I was saying, you deserve to be ignored by Mingi, but knowing how big of a sucker he is for you, he’ll probably give in before you can utter a single word.”

My heart jumped at the thought as I gnawed on my bottom lip, cutting off the path as I hurried through the grass, uncaring that I was probably destroying the work of the gardener. Besides, the grass had barely just started growing out again, it would be fine, “You think so?”

“I know so.” I heard Wooyoung’s high-pitched voice shouting from the distance and my eyebrows furrowed as I realized Seulgi had probably put me on speaker. Now that was a bit awkward, “He’s an idiot, but he’s in love. Now that I come to think of it, you two are a lot alike, two idiots in love—”

“I believe your niece is looking for you, babe.” Seulgi cut her boyfriend off and I was thankful because I don’t think I could’ve handled hearing him say the words ‘in love’ again. That was scary, even just the thought of it. I was barely coming to terms with liking Mingi, but hearing the word love sort of made me want to turn back around and abandon my whole plan of trying to make peace between the two of us. And Seulgi knew this, thankfully, because she didn’t say anything about it again, “Are you on your way to his studio right now?”

I hummed and curled my fingers tighter around the thermos bottle, my nose cold from the weather as the arts building finally came into sight, “Yeah, three minutes and I’m there.”

“Good.” Seulgi sounded content and I sighed as I tried to ignore the dawning anxiety that tried to crawl through my body and make me abandon my well-thought-out plan. I had to do this. Seulgi and my mom were right, I couldn’t mess this up again. I liked Mingi, a lot. He is a good guy and I shouldn’t let my past and my fears dictate my life. Yes, Mingi is Yunho’s best friend, but Mingi isn’t like Yunho. Hopefully, “Update me later then, I love you Y/N, I hope you know that.”

I chuckled and nodded at the security guard as he was out of his cubicle, standing at the bottom of the steps, smoking his cigar, “I know, thank you for knocking some sense into me.”

“We’ll see about that later.” Her snort was amused and I shook my head as we said our goodbyes, the warmth of the building making me sigh out in relief as I entered through the front doors. I pocketed my phone and unwrapped my scarf from around my neck, greeting the familiar people I crossed paths with. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling nervous at all, after all, I didn’t know how Mingi would react. If he was anything like me, he wouldn’t forgive me so easily. Not when I’ve hurt him again and in the worst way possible.

As I ascended the marble stairs, I found stability in the thermos bottle clutched firmly in both of my hands now, its weight helping me to keep my determination and focus on going through with my own plan. When I woke this morning and went to take a quick shower, I was surprised to hear my mother’s singing and smell the delicious waft of pancakes, making my stomach growl loudly as I didn’t have dinner the night before. It seemed like my mother had taken a day off, grumbling something about her deserving a day to rest after she was almost choked out by one of her mentally ill patients. I couldn’t help but agree with her as we sat at the table in silence, enjoying our breakfast, that is until she cleared her throat loudly and stood up, fetching a mug and a cup from the counter next to the sink. I froze when I realized she was handing me the cup Mingi had designed with funny looking chicks on it, and I was even more confused when I realized it wasn’t coffee I was drinking, but hot chocolate.

“So, what are you going to do about that handsome fella?” I tried not to groan or regret the fact that I told her everything about Mingi. I took a tentative sip of the hot chocolate and realized it wasn’t hot before taking a bigger gulp as I enjoyed its sweet taste.

“I’ll talk to him today—”

“Great!” My mother didn’t even let me finish as she sprung up from her seat again to fetch something from a cupboard, “It’s amazing how strong our maternal intuition is, I swear my starlight, you should make some babies soon.”

“Mom.” I groaned as I watched her curiously as she took a blue thermos bottle from the cupboard and filled it with hot chocolate from the kettle, “We’ve had this discussion many times before, I’m not having children so young.”

“You’re not that young though.” She sent me a sheepish smile as my eyes widened, feigning hurt.

“I’m turning twenty-three?! How is that not young?” She cleared her throat as she sealed the thermos and walked back to the table to sit down.

“I’m just trying to inspire you, anyways,” She huffed and then placed the thermos on the table and pushed it towards me, “Bring this to him as peace offering, he’ll love it. Trust me.”

“I don’t think what Mingi needs right now is hot chocolate—”

“Finish your breakfast and shut up.” My mother didn’t let me finish as she cut off a thick part of the pancake with her fork and forced it inside my mouth, making me groan, “Mothers know best when it comes to stuff like this, be thankful I’m saving your relationship and be back before lunch. I’m ordering take out, and I certainly am not waiting for late your ass if I’m hungry.”

I knew fighting my mom was fruitless, so I just grumbled an okay as I tried to chew the pancake she had forced in my mouth, my cheeks all puffed out. My mother seemed content that I finally wasn’t talking back to her and I shook my head as I pulled the thermos bottle towards me, reminded of the time when Mingi had brought me tea knowing that I would be feeling probably a little sick after getting all soaked in the cold rain and harsh wind.

So, now, with Mingi’s clothes in my tote bag and the thermos filled with hot chocolate in my hands, I couldn’t help but feel optimistic despite the anxiety gripping at my thoughts. If my mother, Seulgi, and even Wooyoung—who knew Mingi like the back of his hand—were convinced that everything would work out just fine, then why would I not believe that? Sure, Mingi was probably still annoyed at me, but I didn’t think a few apologies and even more explanations couldn’t fix the issue at hand. All I had to do was be honest and come clean with my feelings and he’d probably do the same and then—that’s where anxiety stepped in. Then what? Was I ready to pursue a relationship? Did Mingi want to date me? Did I want to date him? Why did it have to be Jeong Yunho’s best friend I was into? Why could I not move past my fears and stop associating Mingi with everything I was wounded by, when he never once made me feel like Yunho did? I could dwell on these thoughts for an eternity, I fear, but I didn’t have that time right now. And to be fair, I didn’t want to think of such things right now because I could feel my determination wither the closer I got to the music majors’ floor, heartbeat loud in my ears.

I stopped at the end of the hallway and took a deep breath, eyes settling on the studio I knew now was used by Mingi only. Wooyoung was nice enough to tell me the number of his studio—not that I had forgotten since the last time I was here—and he also let me know that it was used by Mingi only, the teachers having granted him full access, even at hours when students were supposed to be at home. It seems so Mingi was a favorite amongst the teachers, and I could see why. He was diligent and hard-working; his lyrics were beautiful and nothing would stop him from fulfilling his dream of becoming a well-known rockstar. I couldn’t help but feel excited at the prospect of that, and hoped that I would be part of his journey, that he’d let me back into his life.

Steeling my nerves and trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I knew there was no turning back. I wanted to do this, I had to do this. I had to stop sabotaging myself, and so, I marched down the hallway towards Mingi’s studio with a newfound hope and determination. Which lasted about five seconds as I came face to face with Mingi’s studio door. There was a small window on it, which would let you know whether the room was occupied or not, and it was straight across the desk where he was sat at—with the blonde girl standing right next to him. And that should have been okay, because really, Mingi could talk to whoever and spend his time also with whoever he pleased. And it’s not like I didn’t have male friends—I didn’t, Seulgi was my only friend—it’s not like he couldn’t speak to one of his fans. After all, he’s made it clear she was nothing more than a fan he appreciated for helping spread the word about his band.

But then, why was her hand on his shoulder one second and the next second slowly trailing down the sleeve of his beige cardigan—which looked like it was messily stained with paint—and certainly the way my good disposal dissipated and was overtaken by blind jealousy and rage had nothing to do with the sudden possessiveness that shook me to my core. And perhaps the thing that bothered me the most wasn’t even her feeling up Mingi’s arm as she looked down at him with sultry eyes, perhaps it was the way Mingi leaned back in his chairs, legs spread wide, and smirk on his lips as he looked up at her with his sharp gaze, allowing her to touch him. Perhaps that’s what sent me over the edge as I barged inside the studio in the most unceremonious way, making the girl yelp in fright and Mingi flinch as his eyes widened.

『Baby, you're all that I want

I want you all to myself

Oh, but you know me too well』

And when I was angry—or panicking, or hurt—all rational thoughts flew out the window as I was led by nothing else but pure instinct and a shit ton of unclear and not so necessarily nice thoughts. Simpler put, I wasn’t thinking nor making sense, but I couldn’t care less as I glared at the both of them while I struggled to mask the fury licking at my veins. They were both looking at me wide eyed, as if I had caught them doing something I wasn’t supposed to, and that made me snap before I could think through how to proceed with this whole shitshow, “Get out.”

For a second, even I didn’t recognize my voice as it dropped a few octaves, fierce gaze set on the blonde girl as she paled, eyes scrambling between Mingi and me as, suddenly, Mingi seemed to snap out of whatever scare I had given him by slamming his door open and into the wall. God, I hope I haven’t actually damaged it, because I certainly didn’t have the money to pay for it right now. I couldn’t look at the blonde girl anymore, heart beating fast in my chest as Mingi and I made eye contact, his eyebrows set in a deep frown as he had a sneer on his face.

“Excuse me?” God, even her voice was annoying. I looked back at the blonde girl and raised my eyebrows at her mockingly.

“Are you deaf?” I chuckled, but it was humorless, “Do I need to repeat myself?”

She huffed, looking offended—rightfully so—and I gritted my teeth as I stepped inside the studio, making it pretty obvious that I wasn’t going anywhere before this bitch left. I tried not to see red as Mingi’s hands balled up into fists or the way the girl snickered, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“You’re the one that’s barged inside uninvited, sweetheart,” And if I could have, I would have ripped her blonde strands out, “this isn’t your fucking studio, so, shut up. Mingi wants me here, maybe you should leave.”

I bit my bottom lip to stop myself from laughing, somewhere deep in my mind realizing I looked absolutely psychotic and if Mingi didn’t hate me before, he certainly would hate me now. I wasn’t helping myself; I was making everything worse—just the usual, then. But this bitch wasn’t stopping me from getting what I came here for, and I hummed as my eyes fell on Mingi again, who’s jaw was clenching and unclenching. His sharp eyes were narrowed, but it seemed like he wasn’t saying anything anytime soon and that only pissed me off more.

“Sure,” I nodded and walked further inside, forcefully throwing my tote bag on the small couch against the wall on my left, making the contents of it spill out. I watched as both Mingi and the girl looked at the clothes, and Mingi’s expression flashed with something unreadable for a second, “Mingi wants you here.”

I suppose neither expected me not to stop until I reached the desk, coming up on Mingi’s left side as I slammed the thermos bottle—albeit too harshly—against the desk, a loud bang echoing in the room. Mingi’s eyebrows furrowed as I opened my mouth to tell the girl to leave again, but suddenly, he was up on his feet, staring me down. The height difference wasn’t that great between the two of us, but suddenly I felt small under his heated glare and sneer that seemed to settle on his lips, broad shoulders intimidating as he lowered his head just a little bit. He looked nothing like the Mingi I had gotten to know over the past few months, and it made my heart race as I realized I might not be able to reason with him today, “What the fuck is your problem, Y/N?! You tell her to get out when you barge in unwelcomed, and then start demanding for her to leave—”

I couldn’t even let him finish his sentence before I was firing back my argument, “Oh, what’s my fucking problem?! Maybe the fact that you lied to me?”

“About what?!” Mingi snapped, eyebrows furrowed as he took a step towards me, his body big enough to make the blonde girl not be seen behind him.

“Oh, be for real.” I scoffed and rolled my eyes, “You never show anyone your songs to? But you so conveniently let me listen to that unfinished song of yours and now look who else gets to listen to it? Her. If you’re so desperate to get laid, you should have—”

“I didn’t show her shit.” Mingi cut me off, voice shaking as his cheeks grew red from anger, probably. Mingi wasn’t a scary person, but he looked scary right now. There was no ounce of kindness in his expression nor tone, he looked cold and angry and like he hated me. I gulped and realized, once again, that I was digging myself deeper into the shithole I had created for myself, that I was hurting him again and again. This is not how things were supposed to go, “I only showed you. That unfinished song you’re talking about, only you know about it. Thanks for reminding me again why I shouldn’t deal with you anymore—”

“Stop it.” I snapped, eyebrows furrowing as I felt fear grip at my throat, making my voice sound shaky as Mingi’s expression went blank. I hated when he did that. I wanted to know what he was thinking about, I needed to see what he felt. I couldn’t do this if he withdrew himself, I couldn’t do this if I was the only one that would bare her heart to him. I was scared. He was pushing me away like Yunho had done, Mingi was abandoning me.

“Stop it?” If I wanted to cry when he laughed in my face mockingly, impassive smirk settling on his lips, I didn’t let it happen. I kept my composure, anger, hurt, desperation, yearning all mixing together as I found it harder and harder to breathe, “You want me to be nice to you after all the shit you said to me on Saturday? You want me to treat you like before after everything that’s happened? I can’t. You hurt me, made me feel like a fucking idiot, Y/N, you broke—I thought we were friends. I feel disrespected and played, and yet here you are again, acting like you have even an ounce of right to act the way you are right now, when it’s you who made it so fucking clear you want nothing to do with me anymore. Do you enjoy making others suffer? Do you want to see me on my fucking knees begging for your attention? I have enough self-respect to step back and move on with my life when someone so blatantly tells it to my face that I am nothing—”

“But you aren’t!” My tone raised without me meaning to as my heart continued to beat out of my chest so fast my ears started ringing. I felt tears prick at my eyes, but I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to victimize myself, I just wanted Mingi to understand I made a mistake, that I knew I did, and that I was trying to fix things. I didn’t want us to part ways, especially not like this, he made me realize this second that I didn’t want to lose him, “You aren’t nothing to me. I said those things because I’m scared. I don’t know how to navigate these feelings—”

“Save it, okay?” I was left gaping as Mingi shook his head, pushing his hands in the pockets of his light denim jeans, “I don’t want to hear whatever sob shit you have to say right now, I’m asking you kindly to leave before I call security and delete my number, like I have deleted yours.”

The silence that settled upon us was deafening and my eyebrows furrowed as a tear rolled down my cheek without warning, my chest rising and falling rapidly as I tried to find my breath. That hurt, it hurt more than anything before, it hurt more than when Yunho left me, broke my heart. Mingi meant so much more to me than Yunho ever did, and I bit my lower lip as Mingi seemed unaffected, expression blank and rather bored. Nothing was making sense anymore. I was scared, but I also felt ready to break free of the chains of the past, I wanted Mingi. And knowing all this, I didn’t want to hold back anymore, I didn’t want to consider my next words anymore. I just wanted to speak my mind freely.

“My ex-boyfriend is Jeong Yunho, your best friend.” Mingi had almost turned away from me, but he froze, head slowly turning back to face me once again, “We dated back in high school, many years ago, when we were still some headless and stupid teenagers. But he was the first boy I’ve ever loved and he fucking broke my heart, shattered into pieces with a bright smile on his lips. He promised me many things, and I was naïve, so I believed it all. And because I did, I ended up hurt beyond fixing and I’ve never trusted a man again. He was my first boyfriend and the center of my universe, yet he never cared enough about me to properly break up with me.

“Yunho talked about you all the time. Everything you liked, everything you hated, you were part of our daily conversations and I always wished to meet you, to see what was so great in you that had Yunho gushing all the time. I was jealous, so jealous that I became bitter. I started hating even the mention of your name, I selfishly wanted Yunho to myself, and you gone from his life. I couldn’t understand what was so great about you and why I wasn’t enough. I knew Yunho didn’t love me, but I wanted him to, so I made myself believe it, believe that I was worth more to him than you’ll ever be. And in the process, I stupidly made myself believe that he’d never leave me, that he was the one for me like he has said so many times before.

“He broke my heart so fucking bad that it took years until I could say his name or even see his face again. I am over him now, have been for a long time, but I can’t help still feel bitter about him. I can’t help but associate you with him at times. He made me defensive and untrusting of men, I couldn’t help but assume you’d be just like Yunho when I first met you, at least when I finally realized who you were. I felt so guilty, I tried to push you away but you wouldn’t fucking give up. You are everything yet nothing like Yunho and that scares me, because I want you, Mingi. But I’m scared you’ll abandon me like Yunho did, that you’ll fill my head with empty and pretty fantasies and then leave me alone with them, tearing my heart apart in the process. I want to open up, but I’m scared. I think, however, with you by my side, I’d be able to do that, to let my walls down.”

The silence that settled upon us, once again, was deafening and I gulped, heart racing and making me feel lightheaded as Mingi’s face had fallen, expression finally not as void as before. He looked shocked, but surprisingly, he didn’t look hurt nor like he would hate me for ever. It made me hopeful for a second, it made me sniff loudly and blink away the insisting tears from my eyes. He gulped and took a deep breath, making me stare in his eyes, hopeful and less scared, as he sighed and rubbed at his chin; a stubble was showing. Now that I come to think of it, he looks rather tired with bags under his eyes, and his platinum hair has a blue hue to it.

“I’m sorry he made you go through so much; I know it wasn’t easy.” Mingi’s tone finally lost the edge it had before, finally it wasn’t laced with so much anger, and it almost made me cry, “I kind of—I knew. Not exactly the whole thing, but I suppose I can say I had a feeling that there was history between you and Yunho. It was too obvious whenever I brought him up that you didn’t like him, at first I was confused, but then I suppose everything just clicked into place. The drawing of his eyes, the sweater you lent me and the fact that you gave it to me in the end—I’ve known since then that it was probably Yunho. I never said anything to him, not like that at least, I wanted you to come to me on your own, when you fully trusted me with the information. And I’m sorry, but he—he was an asshole back in high school, he was insecure and he played with everyone’s feelings, he was quite good at manipulating people around him. He’s mentioned dating you, but very few times, and by the time you had broken up I had all but forgotten about you, I suppose I wasn’t much better compared to him.

“But all of this isn’t my fault in the end, and while I completely understand your reasoning now and why you often acted the way you did, I’m sorry, but I can’t just let go of things and start anew. There’s just—too many things that have happened, emotions that you stirred up in me, and I just can’t do it, I—it’s not even about you and Yunho, I don’t give a fuck about it, it was ages ago and Yunho is a changed man and I know he’s long moved on. And you too, I believe you have, you seemed less bitter lately, but I just can’t. I can’t help but ask again, what do you want, YN?”

At least he wasn’t mad at me, but I did feel ashamed that I made him piece everything together on his own, that I wasn’t capable of telling him the truth myself. I have made mistakes, sure, but Mingi apparently didn’t hate me for them, “I just want to apologize, for everything.”

Mingi nodded and I watched in despair as that cold mask slipped back onto his face, expression void of any emotion once again. It made me want to grab his shoulders and shake them, force him to look deep into my eyes and just see everything I felt for him, “That’s fine, I accept your apology. If that’s all, you can leave—”

“But that’s not all!” I snapped, having had enough of being dismissed by him. I saw the way his jaw twitched, the way his eyebrows furrowed at my defiance, at my reluctance to leave just yet. I was being pathetic and a pain in the ass, but I had to make him understand that I was ready to leave all my fears behind for him, to learn how to be a better person next to him. I wanted to change, and I wanted it to happen with him by my side, with him guiding me and teaching me how to be more like him, and less like the shitty person I was for so long. I longed to be the way I was before meeting Yunho, a lot happier and a lot less broody and hateful of the beautiful things that surrounded me, “Mingi, I cannot stop thinking about you. I spend every waking moment when we’re apart wondering what you’re up to, what’s going through your mind, whether you’re okay or not. And I’ve been drawing you, since the first time I saw you, you’ve captured my attention, you’ve made me curious of who you were the longer we spent time together. I don’t want to be like this anymore, I don’t want to hurt you anymore and shut you out, I want to fix everything. I want to—I just want you, Mingi.”

There was a quiet scoff behind Mingi, but neither one of us reacted to it as our gazes bore into each other, my eyes glinting with yearning and his façade slowly breaking down as he released a shaky breath, “Mingi, I adore you.”

“Get out.” For a second, my body froze as I thought he was addressing me, but then, he whirled around and pointed towards the studio’s still open door, “Get out, now.”

And I just realized that the blonde girl had been witness to everything, and I couldn’t help but blanch in embarrassment as she made to interject, but I guess Mingi’s sharp eyes made her reconsider her choice as she huffed and then stormed out of the studio. My cheeks felt hot and I realized the clothes were making me sweaty, so as Mingi hurried towards the door to close it, I shrugged my jacket off and placed it neatly on the back of the sofa together with my thick scarf. And as I looked up, mouth dry as the door clicked shut and Mingi turned around, it felt like time stopped, like the world stopped moving. But Mingi was moving towards me, in nothing more than three steps he stood in front of me, and before I could even as much as try to reason with him or plead more to be forgiven, warm fingers dug into my cheeks and the wind was knocked from my lungs as his plush warm lips slammed against mine, making me gasp as my eyes remained wide open.

『Filthy impetuous soul

I wanna give it to you』

I thought he wouldn’t want anything to do with me, I thought he’d tell me that he needed time to forgive me completely and for us to work things out. But I couldn’t help shudder and feel ecstatic as I grabbed the collar of his shirt and cardigan, my eyes falling shut, as I pulled him closer to my body, savoring the kiss as if it was our first. But it wasn’t anything like that one, it wasn’t soft nor careful nor slow, it was hurried and desperate as Mingi pushed me backward, pressing me against the wall, right between the small space between the sofa and the desk. My arms circled his neck as he grabbed my nape with one big hand and pressed his other into the small of my back, making it arch as my fingers tangled into his soft hair, not pulling, just feeling the need to hold onto something, to keep myself grounded.

And much like the first time, our lips seemed to fit perfectly, and I tried not to keen when he sucked my bottom lip between his teeth, nibbling on the soft flesh, and I tried not to turn into a puddle when he hummed lowly against my lips as my fingers flexed in his hair. Perhaps I kissed him a bit harder and more aggressively as our pace quickened, my hand holding the side of his neck as Mingi pressed his body into mine until it felt like he was trying to forbid me even of the idea of escaping from his clutches, and I had no fucking intention of going anywhere, because in his arms I felt content and safe, and perhaps a bit too hot as goosebumps covered my arms the longer our lips moved hungrily against each other. And when I cupped his cheeks and perhaps held onto them a bit too firmly, his lips parted, and I ignored my lungs screaming for air as my tongue slipped past his parted mouth. I didn’t expect him to moan as our tongues tangled together, all wet and perhaps a little disgusting, but neither one of us cared about that.

I tried to stand on my tip toes for better access as Mingi’s ring clad fingers were suddenly running through my hair and tilting my head back, making my skin tingle where he held my hip firmly. I had been kissed by other people before, but neither felt like with Mingi, neither made me crave more and more and more. But our lungs could only go on so long without air, and I would’ve been embarrassed for the loud gasp I let out when we finally parted, if it wasn’t for Mingi diving straight for my neck and finding the sweet spot that made me putty in his arms. And I tried to ignore his deep grunts as my fingers got tangled in his platinum blonde strands as he pressed open mouthed and wet kisses against my neck, his arms around my hips pulling me into an embrace that had my pulse showing through the skin of my neck. My lips were tingling and my lungs actually hurt, but I couldn’t care less when Mingi finally pulled back and blinked his dark eyes open, pupils dilated and lips so swollen he almost made me chase after them once again.

『Oh, just to see what you'd do

'Cause I'm so drunk on you』

“What’s in the thermos?” His voice was raspier than usual, and it made me bite my bottom lip as my eyes searched his face, his falling on my lips instead.

“Hot chocolate, for peace making.” I answered, sounding a lot more breathless than I actually felt, and Mingi chuckled, the sound deep in his throat. I let my arms fall from his shoulders and instead circled them around his torso, trying to fight off the smile from my lips. Mingi didn’t look angry nor dismissive anymore, but I knew I wasn’t actually forgiven just yet. And that was only fair.

“This is peacemaking, not the hot chocolate.” And there it was, the mischievous glint in his eyes and the smug smirk on his lips as he squeezed my hips once and lowered his face until our lips brushed together, “Although I do appreciate the hot chocolate too.”

“Good, my mom was rather excited when she told me to give it to you.” I pressed a chaste kiss against Mingi’s lips before he could try and say anything, and he chuckled when I pulled away, eyes creasing and crooked front teeth showing.

“What are we now?” His voice was a mere whisper, not insecure nor scared, just wondering, “What do you want?”

I gulped, but decided to be honest. No more hiding my feelings and thoughts from him, “I don’t know just yet, and that’s why I need you to take the lead, but this—I want more of this, of you.”

“Good,” Mingi hummed, lips pursed as he kissed my cheek once before slowly releasing me from his warm embrace, “because I’ve been wanting more of you for fucking ages, doll.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle as suddenly I felt embarrassed and perhaps a little shy, but Mingi seemed to be unphased as he grabbed my tote bag and looked through it because his clothes were in it, “You can keep these, they looked better on you anyway. But you better not give them to Yunho if he ever happens to go over to your house—”

“Mingi.” I snapped mortified and pushed his arm as he dropped the tote bag and burst out laughing, giving me a cheeky smile.

“Want to hear the rest of the song I made for you?”

“For me?”

“Yeah, doll, for you.”

            By the time I managed to get home I might as well been on cloud nine and in so much ecstasy that one would think I was on drugs. Which, kind of felt like it after the day I have had—not that I’ve ever done any drugs. I failed to notice my mother’s silhouette in the window of our kitchen when I got out of Mingi’s car and, of course, that meant she saw him get out of his old Honda Prelude and jog after me to kiss me hard and leave me dizzy before he left. And all of that, of course, meant that by the time I unlocked the front door and stepped inside, my mother was leaning against the archway of the kitchen with the widest smirk I’ve ever seen on her face.

“So, did you have sex?”

My eyes widened in mortification and I struggled to step out of my boots and shrug off my jacket, “Mom!”

“So, you did, huh.” It wasn’t even a question, and suddenly running after Mingi’s car sounded a lot better than standing in front of my mother as she bit her bottom lip, giving me a wink.

“We didn’t!” I exclaimed, cheeks flushed a deep red as I cradled the tote bag to my chest, “He needs to take me out on a date first—many dates, actually.”

“Well, he better hurry up then cuz you’re glowing and you’re happy.” I froze at my mother’s words as she looked at me with a serene expression on her face, lips pulled into a small smile, forgetting all about her previous teasing, “He’s good for you, too good. I haven’t seen you so relaxed and happy since—since highschool.”

Since Yunho broke up with me.

“I know, and I will make sure I never hurt him again.” I told my mom and she hummed, looking down at her wristwatch.

“You missed lunch, by the way, so you’ll eat chicken tenders—”

“Again?!”

“Again, exactly. Go wash up before dinner.”

And I was out of her sight in no time, with a newfound rush in my system, skin tingling as I realized I craved to hold my pencil and my sketchbook in my hands. I couldn’t remember the last time I drew something for me and not because it was an assignment. And if hours later the sketch looked a lot like a familiar platinum blonde haired man with sharp eyes and a tall nose wearing blue jeans, a white t-shirt and a beige cardigan over it, accessories many and nails painted black, then I wouldn’t even deny it anymore. Perhaps he would love seeing my drawings. Perhaps I should finally show him.

Mings 🖤: date on wednesday? Me: but im paying this time Mings 🖤: so when we went to the pottery coffee shop it was a date wasnt it, doll Me: maybe it was maybe it wasnt Mings 🖤: no maybes this time

『Oh, but you know me too well

Oh, but you know me too well, well』

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[rc-writes]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐝

𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙨 | 𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙢

pairings: penelope garcia x platonic/bau!reader

based on: season 6, episode 4

warnings: use of pet names, nothing else that i’m aware of

a/n: guess who's not dead!?!? sorry for saying i might not update for a little while and then disappearing off the face of the planet, i promise i didn't mean too. i got caught up in updating my longer fanfics and then my first year of college so i was a bit too busy to write anything for this blog. but here i am back with a little penelope garcia blurb since i'm on a criminal minds rewatch journey! i can't yet confirm how much i'll be back on this account but i will sure try!

“What can I help you with, pumpkin?” Penelope Garcia’s voice sounded as you entered the small room. She had noticed that you were wearing an orange bracelet earlier on the plane and decided pumpkin was your designated nickname for as long as you wore it.

You didn’t respond back to Garcia’s question for a long moment. You seemed to be lost in a thought the second your eyes met her face when you entered. 

“Hey are you alright?” Garcia asked when she noticed your faraway, oddly soberly look.

Snapping out of your thoughts, shaking your head to come back to reality you finally spoke. “Sorry, sorry. I had a question related to something you said one of the family members had said to you. I wanted to hear exactly what they said about this specific thing. And I know JJ usually is the one who speaks to the families, but I know you’re now handling that. And so, I knew to come here to you for that information, but I think the information wires in my brain seem to have gotten mixed up and so I was expecting to see JJ's face when I entered the room.” Your eyes widen at the sudden thought that what you said might be misinterpreted. “Not that I’m not happy to see you. I promise that’s not the case, I love seeing you. I do, I do. It’s just-"

“Hey, hey. I understand you completely. You don’t have to worry about it.” Penelope stopped you’re rambling, reaching out for your hand, smiling. “Now I’m no Jennifer Jareau but I can do my best to help you with whatever you need.”

You grasped for her hand back, beginning to sniffle a little. You cursed yourself in your head for beginning to get all teary eyed and sniffling. You had been so good at trying not to all day so far.

Penelope immediately caught on to this and plucked a tissue from the box next to her computer and handed it to you.

You smiled softly, taking the tissue and using it to lightly dab around your eyes. “I know it’s silly to be upset with change considering this job is all about change.” You tried to add a laugh, but it sounded more like a muffled cry.

Garcia held onto your hand a little tighter, her own eyes beginning to get glossy. “Pumpkin don’t worry, it’s not silly. It’s completely normal to be upset about JJ suddenly not being here. We all miss her like crazy.”

“I know, I know." You shook her hand a little. "I know we all miss her and don’t know how to act without everyone on the team being here. It’s just that I seem to be the only one who can’t seem to hide it.” You shrug.

“Oh, you’re definitely not honey. Trust me. I’m not going to name names but you’re not the first to come searching for JJ and found me instead. I’d imagine if I was still blonde it would be all the more confusing.” Garcia joked, causing you both to laugh a little. “Now I won’t say who that was, but I can say I myself was just getting a bit weepy at our phenomenal liaison not being here just before you came in here. Trust me when I say JJ so totally downplayed how much work she put into this job.”

Penelope said this with a lighthearted tone, but you understand the implications of it. It really was a lot of work for one person to do. You now kind of felt bad about interrupting her with a question you could have asked anyone else she had told what the family had said.

“Garcia, if you need any help no one here is going to be upset. You’re doing more than you’re getting paid for and more than anyone should be required to do. I’m more than happy to take on some things from you or find someone who can if I can’t help.” You offered.

“No, no I’m alright. A little overwhelmed truth be told, but I’m handling it. And I’ve already gotten Kevin to help out when needed.” She smiled up at you.

You didn’t entirely believe the tech but decided to not push any further. “Alright but promise me you’ll ask for help if you need it.” 

“I pinky promise.” Garcia smiled, holding her pinky out. You happily reached out to seal the promise, laughing. The day the higher ups ever decided to transfer Miss Penelope "Tech Genius" Garcia from the BAU would be the day you were going to become an unsub someone would have to track down.

“Now what was the information that you needed, honey?”

[dervampireprince]

Hii Prince!

I wanted to ask why you started to post asmr roleplay audios, idk if you explained it in old post or on twitch lives, in that case I'm sorry to bother with the same question .

I really appreciate your work and it really helps me throughout hard times (especially this period)so thank you so so so much.

i have been asked this a lot on various places, though the only post about it i can find in my faq tag doesn't go into much detail and is years old so buckle up because this got long and i'm sorry if you wanted a shorter answer. i'm going to actually tag creators that inspired me and i'm sorry if that's annoying to those creators, but i want to be able to shout them out and link them in the hope that you guys go and check out their audios! they're really talented and really deserve the support!

when i was a teen i didn't really have any friends and i was mentally ill and didn't have anyone to turn too. i fixated on fictional characters for comfort, and the main one was loki from marvel. i can't remember how i came across @tomhiddlestonsoundalike but i did and honestly his audios really helped me a lot. not only did a crazy accurate impression of tom hiddleston's loki, but he had comfort audios for crying and panic attacks that i would listen to probably hundreds of times. i didn't know what asmr was and i never went searching to see if anyone did anything similar at that time, but these audios will always mean so much to me and while the creator of that blog went on to make audios on youtube and reddit, he hasn't been active in years on any of his accounts but i will always be so grateful for him providing me with a little light in the darkness.

cut to me being an adult at university and struggling once again with my mental health and sleeping and somehow youtube starts recommending me asmr. i get into sound effect tapping ones at first, and then find roleplays, and then find audio only roleplays of people doing impressions of different characters.

around the same time on tumblr i discovered @kinkradio and really enjoyed his guzma audios, and soon i was listening to every audio he put out regardless of if i was familiar with the fandom. he started voicing more characters that i already liked from marvel and the arcana and i found a new place of comfort, as well as discovering nsfw fandom audios for the first time. i still hadn't figured out i was trans yet, but these were the first audios i felt comfortable listening too and surprise it's because they're gender neutral and all the audios from other creators i'd listened too before were aimed at female listeners. being able to imagine myself as whatever when listening to k's audios was really helpful and comforting as i figured myself out and i still love listening to his audios now (and sidenote it's always a comfort after coming out as trans to find that creators who's work you love are supportive of trans people). k is still making audios and posts here as well as youtube and has a patreon with exclusive audios (as someone who's been a patreon member of his on and off over the years i can say it's well worth supporting, you won't be disappointed by the bonus audios on there) and i'd so recommend his works. honestly he's probably my biggest inspiration in voice acting, both from his acting and accents, and from his care he takes when approaching comfort audios.

another big inspiration of mine that i discovered around this time is @darkandtwistedasmr who unlike everyone else i'd been listening to so far, doesn't focus on voicing fandom characters but his own original characters. i adore so many of them (if i had to pick favourites i really love jaspar (for someone usually uncomfortable with alcohol boy i sure have been relistening to jaspar's audio every night for the last few days again /lh), prim, blue, soleil, the rainbow serpent, alden, seki, the shepard, currently still crying over the fallen angel and merman from this years halloweek... okay so i struggled limiting my favourites to a few and i'm sure i've missed some out). anyway, that's the first time i'd gotten invested in characters through just hearing their voices, and of course the art of all the talented artists, and it really made me realise how asmr and audios can be used to tell stories as much as any other medium. when i'm really struggling to calm down enough to be able to sleep, i often turn to twisted's audios. he's able to make each character distinct and unique, even if he's using the same accent they always sound like separate characters and i'm always so drawn into their stories. and the character designs are always so beautiful and it really inspires me to designs more of my own original characters. again twisted posts here and youtube and also has a patreon with sfw and nsfw audios and again as someone who's been in the patreon it's well worth it.

by this point i'd listened to a few other different voice actors on youtube who primarily made anime character audios and was always a little disappointed as i didn't watch much anime anymore and wanted to see characters from fandoms i enjoyed. i thought hey if others can do it, and i already like writing fanfic... maybe i could write scripts? and try and voice them? i bought my first microphone in 2018 with the intention of recording asmrs, i even wrote scripts for napstblook from undertale, sidon from legend of zelda, rouxls from deltarune and venom from marvel. i even recorded the napstablook one and made a youtube channel to put asmr on... but i never posted it. i was too scared. i hated the sound of my voice and didn't know why (spoilers, it was gender dysphoria). and so i just tucked the idea of doing asmr voice acting away in the back of my mind to maybe try again in the future.

in 2021 i was having to consider what i was doing with my work. i'd graduated with a degree in illustration in 2019 and then lockdown happened and i couldn't get a job. honestly university hadn't prepared or taught me how to get a job in the industry anyway. i still had my etsy shop i'd started in 2017 and kept that going, though could no longer work in person at artist alleys at comic cons due to lockdown and then my local cons never reopening after lockdown. etsy picked up during 2020 but by the end of 2021 it was going down. and i said to myself if i wasn't earning enough from etsy and my art by the end of 2022 i would have to just go out and get any job i could find, regardless of if it was in the art industry.

and then i watched this new show that just came out recently: arcane. i had latched onto viktor so tightly and had against my own will started vocal stimming by just talking in his accent to myself. and then i remembered about trying to make audios and do voice acting. and i thought you know this is really the last chance. if i want to be able to work from home i have to try everything. (at the time i wanted to work from home due to mental illness and how difficult i'd found it trying to work an in-person job in the past, at this point i hadn't developed my chronic hip/leg pain so i'm glad i set my sights on working from home before it became increasingly more difficult to go out to work. clearly i kinned viktor a little too close to the sun /j)

by this point i'd figured out i was a boy and been out as a trans man for years and while i did still have voice dysphoria, i figured i could learn to talk deeper and even edit my voice lower in post if needed (and indeed i did edit my voice deeper in post at first, but i'm proud to say now not all my audios have pitch editing as i've worked really hard on lowering my voice with t and every time someone points out how much deeper my voice sounds in audios now compared to ones from 2-3 years ago it makes me so happy). and i couldn't find anyone making audios for male listeners that were with fandom characters (apart from an occasional from kinkradio), and no fandom character audios for trans men, or trans people in general. i found it really hard to write and work with scripts, i couldn't predict how long it would take me to read one page, and i stumbled over my words too much when reading them. and then i thought hey i daydream all the time, i make up stories in my head all the time, can't i just... do that live and out loud? so i tried improvising and still improvise all of my audios.

i tried to be brave, posted some snippets here on tumblr where i was lucky enough to have already built up some following due to my nsfw writings. people were supportive and i finally started posting videos to that youtube channel i'd made years ago. started with only posting viktor audios and then expanded out into more characters. including getting to introduce you guys to some of my original characters.

what i wanted to achieve with making audios was to voice characters that were more obscure or that no one else had ever voiced just because i wanted to show my love for these characters, and to create an audio space that was a safe space and had audios focused on trans listeners and neurodivergency. as an autistic trans man, i wanted to be able to make the kind of audios i wished i could hear, and just hoped there were other people out there like me.

december 28th this year will mark 3 years since i posted that first arcane viktor asmr video on youtube. and i've gone from worrying about trying to find a job to this being my fulltime job. i still run my etsy shop, but the majority of my income is from my patreon where i post exclusive nsfw audios, and where my discord is that has gone from 5 to 200+ members and we chat and have watch parties and i love being in there. and i am so grateful to you guys, whether you are a patreon member or just watch my audios on youtube, however you show support means the world.

i couldn't have dreamed of this. i never planned on being a voice actor. but i did always dream of others caring about my original characters. and through starting out voicing fandom characters that people already knew, i was able to make original character audios and have people get to know my characters and sell merch?? of my ocs?? that people wanted to buy?? and did?? and people send me fanart they draw of them?? i have over 500 pieces of fanart that people have sent me?? (yes i save and treasure all of them, i have a fanart showcase slideshow that plays on my twitch starting soon, brb, and thanks for watching screens on stream). it's a dream come true and i honestly can't put into words how grateful i am.

i have some bigger plans a-brewing i hope you guys will enjoy. i really want to try and make more artwork of my original characters for my audios, and perhaps... try and make some more series of audios that have storylines, and maybe at least one of those won't have a listener character which i hope won't be off putting, it's more you're listening to a story happening between two characters that are voiced. i want to focus on working out backstories for characters, and finally giving you guys the long awaited names and designs for the villain and visiting king. and i'd love to make more new ocs more frequently, have more non-human looking ocs, and have more fun and detailed designs for my ocs.

that got long, i did warn you it would. but now the answer is actually written out for anyone curious. i hope again i haven't bothered any creators by tagging them, i just wanted to tag them so you guys can easily click on their names and see what wonderful things they create and voice! thank you so much anon for the kind words, i hope this all answered your question. /gen

[incorporealbombchelle]

The Wife Of A Close Friend

Daniel Cleaver × Fem! Reader (18+)

Synopsis: Part 2 - After successfully ruining (y/n)'s marriage to Mark Darcy, Daniel tries to make things right.

A/N: The events of Part 2 take place a few days after Part 1 (much better writing), which can be found in my blog's pinned post.

⚠️ TW: Raw P in V Penetration, Fingering, Mention of Cheating, Mild Daddy Kink, Alcohol Consumption (All Parties of Age), General Smut.

Daniel reached out via my work e-mail three days after Christmas with an invitation to dinner for an attempt at amends, and against my better judgement, I accepted. So here we are, at Le Gavroche, amending.

"So, (y/n)... how's Mr. Darcy then? Tad depressed, I'd imagine."

"I wouldn't know. He's still not taking my calls."

"Oh. Right...right. Tragic, that. I so hoped you two might work things out..."

"Hm. For some reason, I don't believe you." I smirk.

"Wasn't asking you to believe me. Listen, I-"

A waiter sets down two glasses and a chilled bottle before us and we simper up at him for breaking the awkward tension.

"Thanks," we patronize in unison and he flashes us an 'I'm not paid enough to deal with pricks like you' smile before turning to attend to another table.

Daniel pours our glasses and I take a long, much needed swig of the chardonnay he's ordered us, inhaling the notes as I do. It's tart, sweet...strong.

Closing my eyes, I sigh heavily before looking back up at him. He plays a good kicked puppy in a navy jacket and white button down, I'll give him that. Tonight however, I am determined not to fall for it... which is going to be a challenge if he keeps looking at me like he desperately needs something only I can provide.

My eyes snap down into my glass, as though its rapidly dwindling contents are of more interest or import than the gorgeous man sat pouting across from me.

"(y/n). I'm sorry. But I did mean what I said. I adore you. Obsess over you, Genuinely. Anyone could tell he wasn't satisfying to you, in any sense, you were so tense, so... twitchy."

"I strongly advise you not to act like you've done me any grand favors lately, Daniel."

"It does take two, you realize..."

I narrow my eyes at him. He's right and ultimately I should've slammed the door in his face, I should've hung up the phone at the sound of his voice, I should've done a lot of things... but I didn't. I picked up, I let him in, I fucked him... I loved it.

My cheeks burn and I bring the glass to my lips again, taking a quick gulp to finish it off.

"Hate you," I mumble under my breath, barely audible.

"you too,"

"Hm?"

"Hm?"

"Something-something you're so incredibly sorry for ruining my life?"

"Something like that..." a playful smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth.

"Y'know...the worst thing about it is you're actually right? I wasn't happy with Mark. But that doesn't excuse your interference. Or my response to it. At all."

"Oh no, obviously not, couldn't."

"Never."

"Ever."

I have to laugh at how thick we're laying it on and he joins me. God, we're a mess.

"Daniel?...Are we...terrible people?"

He takes a sip of his wine, pondering.

"Terrible is a stretch, flawed certainly, indulgent, but I don't think we're terrible... definitely didn't feel terrible when we ..." he murmurs and his lower lip catches between his teeth as he looks up at me. "Did it?"

I can't help but flash him a smile, internally kicking myself as I sip my wine.

"It... didn't, it was still in very bad form, though and we should be ashamed, being adulterers..."

"Well, good. We've established that I'm a very bad boy, you're a very bad girl, together we've done some very bad things, and we are both just so terribly sorry for being so. very. bad.

But answer me something, (y/n)."

"Hm?"

"Why did you agree to come here tonight? It couldn't have been just to hear hollow apologies and make empty assertions about the badness of it all and watch me sulk into a plate of overpriced scallops..."

"Mm, no that's pretty much it, actually... if you wouldn't mind having a cry though, that would make it a little more worth my while," I grin.

"Come on, (y/n). You come here looking sexy as all hell in another of these... microdresses of yours, I do know a tailored Dior trench when I see one... Jo Malone perfume... heels... either you are an extremely high end call girl in your off hours, or you came here with the intention of seducing someone. I'm not opposed to either, but for posterity; which is it?"

"Neither, unfortunately for you. I just like to dress for an occasion-"

"So dinner with me is an occasion, then?"

"You are insufferable-"

"I am just asking,"

"Better question, why'd you invite me here? Is this really about 'making amends', or did you just want to take me out?"

"I don't see why it can't be about both."

I feel my smile grow wider at his words and he is charming.

But he did destroy my marriage, ruin my life, tarnish my reputation... give me the best orgasm I've ever had... and I let him do those things. In a way, the weight of our actions are a shared cross to bear, and with new year's eve tomorrow... I'd rather not feel its weight so heavily.

"Daniel...If I were to take a chance on you... let you in... I'd expect and require you not to make a fool of me."

"I don't think there's a man in the world who could successfully make a fool of you."

"You came pretty close."

"I don't remember coming at all, actually," he smirks. A beat. "Anyways, what I meant to say is: thank you, (y/n), for being here tonight. Your forgiveness would mean the entire world to me, if you do ever find it in your heart to offer it."

His brow furrows, eyes big and innocent as they study my face, he does seem genuinely sorry and maybe people do change.

"No promises."

We feast, drink, laugh, exchange Christmas stories, and after dinner Daniel orders us a cab to his flat for a nightcap.

As we step out of the car, I feel myself stumble a bit and he catches me, arm snaking around my waist to usher me into the lobby. We make a way to the elevator and as he selects a floor, I lean back against the wall, letting my eyes close for a moment.

My body is flushed and warm, head fuzzy, mind whirring, and all I could ever want right now, is for him to touch me... to kiss me. Instead, he speaks.

"(y/n), I just want you to know, there's no pressure for us to do anything here, yeah? Just...drinks. Just conversation. No tricks, no dancing, no Carly Simon, you have my word."

"I know better than to take you at your word, Mr. Cleaver."

"And I know," he steps closer, tilting my head up for eye contact "that when a pretty girl like you calls me 'Mr. Cleaver', it isn't because you respect me..." He smirks down at me, leaning in slowly.

As we kiss, Daniel's hands find their way under my coat, under my dress, and-

bing!

His floor.

I watch him fumble with his keys a little as he unlocks the door for me, hand wandering to the small of my back as he guides me inside.

He flicks on the lights, helping me shed my coat as we meander in, and this place is gorgeous. Open concept, spacious, white tiled floors, suede couches, exposed brick, it's glass walled... and overlooks the whole of the city. As I stand at the window, swooned by the skyline, Daniel extends a glass of champagne to me and I take it.

"What are we toasting?" I sip, looking up at him.

"You, and your generous decision not to hate me forever."

"Well-"

"Your generous decision to very kindly pause your hatred of me for the evening?"

I nod and we clink glasses, sip and stare out at London for a moment. Somewhere down in those bustling streets, Mark is holed up in his office, sullen, filing our divorce paperwork. But I've decided that tonight, just for one night, in this stupidly expensive downtown high rise, for the first time in 5 years, I do not need to be concerned with the goings on of Mark Darcy.

I'm snapped back to reality as Daniel's arm wraps around my waist, pulling me closer as he finishes off his champagne. "So, contrary to what you've seen in movies, wistfully looking out the rain-pebbled window thinking about him will actually only make you feel worse, who knew?"

"I wasn't, I was just... admiring the view."

"Right. Come on Eleanor Rigby," he takes my glass and his own in hand, setting them down on the coffee table nearest the window. Daniel sweeps my legs out from under me and I let out a surprised squeal as he carries me, bridal style, into the bedroom, gently plopping me down onto the edge of his enormous bed.

I prop myself up on my elbows, confused. "Wh-"

"(y/n), I may be a posh twat with...ambiguous morals, doesn't mean I'll stand by idly and let you needlessly depress yourself over Mark-wanker-Darcy." He lifts a finger "Donnez-moi un instant, cherie."

Of course he speaks french and I watch him shed his belt, dress shirt and trousers, discarding all into a hamper in the corner of the room and tugging on a plain cotton t-shirt from his dresser. Daniel stands at the end of the bed before me. "Now then," he picks up one of my feet, working at the fastenings of my shoe, "let's get these dreadful contraptions off you..." he mumbles, popping the shoe off and tossing it aside before doing the same with the other.

"That's better. Stand for me, yeah?"

I slip off the end of the bed onto my feet before him and he steps closer, hands settling around my waist as he presses a kiss into my forehead. "Gorgeous,"

I feel one of his hands undoing the zipper of my dress and he helps me out of it, placing it on a hanger in the closet. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

Daniel's eyes meet mine and he lets out a heavy sigh. "I'm always nice to you. In fact, the last time we saw eachother, I believe I was extraordinarily kind to you..." his eyes flick down my frame for a moment and I watch him nip at his lower lip, brow furrowed as he opens up the dresser again, selecting a random rugby shirt and handing it to me. "There, pop that on and get in bed."

I do, and he's not far behind me, climbing under the covers and pulling me into his arms. Spooning. "I don't like seeing you in distress, (y/n)-"

"Pfft, yes you do-" I laugh.

"Well, sexually speaking, sure but... I just meant," he nuzzles into the hollow of my neck "I don't like seeing you unhappy," a peck "so, I'd like to do," his hand slips over my hip, fingetips ghosting cautiously over the front of my panties "everything in my power to please you, if you'll allow me?" He murmurs.

"I'd appreciate that, " I sigh.

"Would you?" He presses his body up against mine and he is hard. I gasp. "Daniel-"

"Mm?" he hums, "God I've misssed this, (y/n)...the way you feel..." He rubs slow, gentle circles into the front of my panties, I am wet and the friction is delicious as his other arm wraps around my torso, hand resting around my throat and squeezing just slightly.

I've missed him and I moan as he continues grinding against my ass, my core tensing as his grip on my neck tightens. "Those gorgeous little sounds you make..." He lets out a low groan and my mind goes foggy. Heat takes my body over as his fingertips finally find their way under the hem of my panties, gently exploring my folds, slowly gliding up and down the center of my vulva and another gasp escapes me as I rock against his fingers. He carefully dips them into me, curling upward, and I feel myself clench around them in response. The hand around my throat snakes under the hem of the shirt and comes to rest over one breast, lightly playing with a nipple and I need him. "D-Danielll?" I breathe

"Mhmm?"

"I need you t-to fuck mee, please...pleease..." I whine.

"And I will. But only because you ask so nicely..." he withdraws his fingers, giving them a quick taste before helping me shimmy freshly saturated panties down my legs, pushing his oversized shirt higher up my hips. "Turn over." I lay on my stomach and look back at him as he undresses, first goes the shirt... the boxer-briefs... he props my hips... de ja vu.

He's beautiful with swollen lips and disheveled hair, and I watch him align himself with me, eyes locking onto mine.

"Are you ready?"

I nod.

"Words, (y/n)."

"Yess, pleease-"

I gasp and he's inside me instantly. The dilation is intense as he sinks into me and I let out a small yelp.

"Come on, pretty girl... You can take it...Doing so well for me..." I watch Daniel bite his lip, letting out a low groan, and he allows me a moment to adjust to him before starting to move in and out of my center in long, steady strokes.

"Still tight as a fucking bow-string then, mm?" I hear him mutter under his breath.

"Not. For. Long."

I feel myself clench a couple times and seconds later he's ramming into me at a rapid pace, our bodies clapping against eachother as he holds my hips firmly in place. I feel fingers lace into my hair, he yanks my head back fiercely as he continues fucking me and I'm panting, close.

"Danielll?" I whine, tightening up.

"Yesss??"

"Daddyyy?"

"Mhmmm?"

"I-I'm gonna come!"

"Ohhh, oh fuck me-!"

Our orgasm is simultaneous, mind-blowing and Daniel buries his face in the crook of my neck as he finishes, hips slowing gradually.

"Hmm... that was fucking sensational...you. are. incredible. "

"Thank you-u" I stammer. He pulls out of me with a squelch and retrieves his t-shirt from the floor, first cleaning himself off, then placing it gingerly between my legs as I let my body go completely slack against the bed.

Daniel situates himself behind me so we're spooning again and pulls the covers up over us, arms wrapping tightly around me.

"Are you feeling any better, then?" He huffs, draping a leg over mine.

"Much..." I nod, trailing off. My mind is a haze and I feel my eyes start to close as Daniel presses a soft kiss into my temple.

[wumblr]

end of year music albums long post do NOT press "expand" if you don't love the color of the sky

albums i SAID were good that are making end of year lists

tierra "world wide" whack: this is more often making top 100 than top 50 and i think that's kind of unfair because out of anyone she took the largest strides toward, i don't know, making an album that makes it crystal clear what your whole deal is as a musician. i'm giving it album of year. the visible lighting rig and the track interludes really make me feel like i'm listening to tierra variety hour show, which is a thing that somebody should probably book her for

doechii alligator bites never heal: this one made several top tens! love to see a (former?) tumblr girlie go off, shoutout to whoever told me about her on here like fruitcake era. this is one of those albums that really gives you a picture of what succeeding in the music industry is like. and she makes it funny. every joke lands, some of which are like, doing a 0.4-second bit

magdalena bay imaginal disk: you already know and if you don't it's not too late

megan megan act ii: you already knew this was a contender for best of year before she released the second disk. which really seals the deal tbh. if we're going to talk about brat summer we have to talk about hot girl summer, but she's already moved on to hosting the anime awards and celebrity family feud while winning in court for being shot. this was an indie release, she is no longer on a label, only other person who pulled that off this year is tinashe

allie x girl with no face: i didn't think this was a 10/10 no-skip but it was very close, i did listen to it a lot and i think it's musically and conceptually her most cohesive album yet and she's been dropping such high-quality work for so long that she's well overdue for her moment. do not miss out on her back catalogue or the next one, she is one of the music industry's best self-producers and most unjustly well-kept secrets

jamie xx in waves: to be honest i'm still reeling from a "girl" samples video i watched this year, that track is 10 years old and i'm still putting it on playlists

tems born in the wild: I said it was good

beth gibbons lives outgrown: i said this is going to make multiple end of year lists and why are you guys, on the portishead audio post website, not getting in on this

fabiana palladino s/t: this is the vibe that vaporwave was trying to recapture

kelly lee owens dreamstate: i said this was my most anticipated of year and to be honest i found it kind of underwhelming. i'm trying to look at it as being purposefully thin so as to be more ephemeral, but none of the deep cuts come across as well as the advance singles did. that said she's another of the music industry's best self-produced and she's really never released a bad album. my expectations were too high and she had different ideas about where she wanted to go, which puts it in a category with bjork volta

albums i didn't say were good for various reasons but that are also making end of year lists

erika de casier (this WOULD HAVE been in my top 10. if i had HEARD ABOUT IT!!! blogging every day on the kpop website and nobody even tells me about erika de casier like what am i even clocking these hours for? hello?? she did a collab with newjeans that's why this is relevant but she's in copenhagen and it's R&B. so like, again, you guys should know that's up my alley, since i still won't shut up about snoh aalegra)

normani (i honestly forgot sorry, i liked it a lot and then never said anything about it)

ravyn lenae (i had her on best of 2022 and did not make a note of this one for whatever reason)

glorilla (idk i liked this album but she's been on the radio for years so i assume everybody already knows)

taylor swift (my man will be upset if i don't put this here)

charli xcx (brat #1 every end of year list. for more information, there was an explanation video produced by al jazeera)

billie eilish and kali uchis (top 2 most listened to cds in my car from when i had a car that had a cd player before its ignition switch died and i said "is $400 too much work for a $300 car?")

shygirl (i think i've put her on end of year lists once or twice but club shy released one track at a time and i think, like, multiple versions so i didn't keep up)

justice (did not grab me the way genesis did on a 501 jeans tv ad in 2007 and still does to this day. i do not understand how they've been doing the same thing for almost 20 years and their debut is still fresh and the new work isn't. i love consistency. i will never get tired of ltj bukem. but this one just did not do it for me)

st vincent (this one came out with a self-immolation album cover the same week aaron bushnell self-immolated, so i never actually listened to it but apparently everybody else is saying it's her best)

clairo, kaytranada, tyler the creator, kendrick (you know what i haven't actually listened to it yet but i knew about it i swear)

sabrina carpenter (to be honest i do not like her! apparently everybody else does, or is being bribed to say they do)

nala sinephro, mdou moctar, jack white (not my thing/not genres i know anything about but for people who do these are consistently mentioned)

ariana (boy is mine will always be a fondly remembered track for me bc my man played it when my ex went in to bother him at work. which to be fair he did apologize for doing later and i'm not like upset about it but that as a reaction really did confirm to me i was making the right choices. i would stan if she used imogen heap's mimu gloves more often, which is a criticism that people also can and should make about me if i'm being fully honest)

father john misty (hozier fans who don't like the church themed junk or bon iver fans who aren't all about the walden pond fantasy will LOVE that he's doing, like, some kind of witch thing. right? isn't that what he's doing? i swear i remember a hooded cloak or something. and apparently he's friends with aubrey plaza, which seems cool. but i've known about him for over 10 years and i can't say i've listened to any of his albums twice. sorry. i lived in portland i've had enough of lumberjacks who won't commit to being kinda effeminate)

mannequin pussy (eurovision winners? in 2024? man cmon. oh wait what they're from philadelphia? oh, my god, i've had them confused with maneskin this whole time. hmm! so they're both like, indistinct, derivative, and unremarkable...? hasn't rock music been dead since before disco demolition night...?)

remi wolf (i still think of her as "plagiarism controversy girl." sorry. i find that very hard to get past and i still don't even like nathy peluso for the same reason)

ice spice (i actually promised a mutual half-jokingly that i would never say anything about her ever again and i wanted to see how long i could actually do that. i kind of put her in the "plagiarism controversy girl" category with wolf and peluso but i do have to admit the album is good)

beyonce (i simply do not care for country music)

albums that are conspicuously absent from end of year lists (???) probably because music critics are grudgebearing jerks and they're still mad the beatles broke up. 80 years ago. in 1942. weak tbh

yoko (ohhh my god. oh my god. that was a soundcloud reupload of a 2001 album. now it all makes sense. those literally ALWAYS get me i never expect an old album to be reposted with a wrong release date. well anyway stream yoko not getting enough)

honey dijon dj-kicks (she really nailed classic genre dj in multiple genres. i mean this and the disco jukebox museum exhibit. see also jamie xx album, where she guests)

kimbra idols & vices (this one also released one track at a time but i kept up!! 10/10 no-skip it's injustice that somebody i used to know is STILL appearing in frankly mid remixes on the dancefloor and nobody seems to be remotely aware she's been releasing a solid gold album every ~2yrs ever since)

logic1000 mother (obsessed. listened to it for ages. nobody else nailed house. i'm giving it "album of year that isn't tierra whack." it's so good i thought it was from 2023 and apparently so did every other reviewer because i am NOT seeing it on any lists. which is fraud, libel by omission, stock manipulation, miscarriage of justice, tax evasion, etc etc)

peggy gou i hear you (well i was listening to this all summer but nobody dropped it on the dancefloor until like last week! why are we on the reposting olafur eliasson exhibit photographs website not doing more for this album? do not go into the peggy gou tag unless you would like to see heterosexual pornbots and zero gifs of the music videos)

tinashe quantum baby (what the hell. what THE HELL. this HAS TO be on some end of year lists!! i've been saying "this is my song" every time nasty comes on at the bar because the bassline is easily identifiable from the patio through a brick wall. track of year. again, it is a billboard-charting indie release. oh it did make vulture honorable mentions nevermind you can drag and drop this one to the first category. i GUESS. should be on MORE lists)

flo milli fine ho stay (man come onnnnn. come ON. how does this have glowing pitchfork and rolling stone reviews and no end of year lists)

lola young this wasn't meant for you anyway (her debut was probably the most promising i've heard in a long time, maybe y'all will figure it out in time for her third album...?)

nelly furtado 7 (i think we as a society should have paid more attention to comendador furtado's return. it actually did make my most listened list on deezer but i kind of forgot about it sorry)

albums that are on EVERY end of year list and even got some #1s, which i listened to once and didn't really "get," apparently because i didn't take the time to dive into the lore and also it's 2hrs long

cindy lee diamond jubilee. also an indie release. if i posted my albums on my website instead of distributing to streaming would you guys show up for me like this? because i'm not saying i'm doing that but i'm also not saying i'm not doing that. to be honest it really depends on whether i can get the vampire roadtrip album to come across, i've been in the R&D phase for several months. do i have to use javascript to add a button that lets you give me money and is a download link, or can i just do an honor system paypal button with free downloads? does github pages allow you to host audio? if i start using javascript, how hard is it to add a pageview counter or an actual audio player? does anybody want to join a "musicians who built their own website no squarespace" webring? we may never find out!

albums i forgot about and did not get my memory jogged by looking at lists

???

albums that were not released this year that i listened to a lot this year

amber mark, aluna, 187, cabezadenego/mbe/leyblack, priya ragu, little simz, deee-lite, jill scott, chaka khan

[yandere-yearnings]

I won't keep this up for very long, but I think I do owe it to all my mutuals, followers and those who'd just browse on occasion or who found a safe space in this blog.

My previous account under the same name disappeared about a week ago, and it was sudden enough that I'm sure some of you may have chalked it up to Tumblr deactivating it. In actuality, it was because I deleted it myself.

I haven't been in the best mental state as of recently, even before I first started the blog, but I thought things would get better over time. My intention isn't to turn this into a rant or vent, so I won't expand but, I think all the self-imposed pressure I was placing on myself to write, paired with other factors had just pushed me to the point of breaking. I had a panic attack, and didn't give myself the time to calm down and think things through after, when I had decided to just give up.

My biggest regret is not making at least one final post, because I know how jarring it can be to have someone there one second, and find out they're gone the next. I can't imagine the worry I put some of my friends on here through, nor can I ever apologise enough that I still won't feel guilty.

I have a habit of leaving abruptly like that when I'm overwhelmed. Every time I promise myself I won't do it again, I end up breaking it. At the very least, this time, I'll try and have realistic expectations of myself and take breaks when I need them instead of impulsively deleting weeks and months of time and effort.

It's ironic to me because I'm the type of person who saves every single thing I write just in case anything happens, but I didn't do that with most of the content that I had on this blog — because I wasn't expecting things to turn out this way. Some of my works are probably still floating around Tumblr thanks to reblogs, so if anyone sees anything and lets me know, it'd help me find them again. For the most part, I'll probably have to start over from scratch anyway.

Unfortunately, all my unanswered asks are also gone, and I had a lot of them. I'll try to put out things for the ones I can remember somewhat. If you've sent any in that I never came around to, you're free to send them in again if you still want a response.

This got lengthier than I anticipated, but I hope it was a sufficient enough explanation. I'm sincerely sorry for any distress or just negative feelings I may have caused. I'm sorry to my mutuals who I left without even trying to talk to. I'm sorry that I took away a safe space for some of my followers, because I used to get the sweetest messages about how my writing helped and how my ocs would make everything feel less lonely. I truly hope this can become a place like that again. I'm gonna try my absolute best.

[seffen]

What is your favourite art piece you made? Also do you have any tips on drawing I hope you have a good day. Also, thank you for answering my asks. Thank you for that :)

You're welcome, it's no problem for me. I'm sick and not working right now, so I have a lot of free time.

When it comes to drawing, I don't think I'm the right person to ask for that kind of advice, I intentionally break proportions to fit my vision and style. I also didn't study it anywhere, I'm self-taught, they wanted to take me to art school, but I didn't go there, maybe it was for nothing, but I don't regret it.So I may not have that much knowledge professionally. Mostly I learned by observation, sketching, sometimes even tracing some angles. And of course, a lot of drawing and a lot of repetition and mistakes.

Now I think I've found my style and I'm getting quite successful. Now I like to paint with strokes and silhouettes. I also paint with shading, which is cool too. I wanted to stop on the strokes in more detail, with them to draw quite easy, even you can not use layers if you are not afraid to make a mistake. do all quite simple, example below:

You use the big spots first, cut off the excess, cut off the main parts, and then finalize them. It's simple. The main thing at such drawing mentally always imagine where what is located. With dynamics it works the same way, but there it will be necessary to memorize more details what goes where and where it should be.

If we talk about hatching sketches, I draw intuitively here, I don't make any circles or drawings. Sometimes it can be a letdown, so you have to be more careful:

I should also confess that Overwatch has helped me a lot in drawing poses, I often spin characters there and visually memorize how they look from different angles.

I also have something to confess. I'm sorry.

And I realize you asked this first, but I think my favorite work of mine is Angels. I drew them with a lot of inspiration and I like them a lot. I realize that subscribers are the least interested in them since I started my blog with Cult, and I can't blame anyone for that:

https://www.tumblr.com/seffen/754228679256801280/i-sometimes-draw-for-myself-i-like-this?source=share

If you are interested in the work on the culture, it's probably the work I'll throw below:

https://www.tumblr.com/seffen/750655303210647552/so-i-did-what-i-wanted-i-understand-that-this?source=share

I like to create sort of "blueprints" that I can then rely on and where I can know exactly how they look to me.

[bitbybitwrites]

And yet, will be more than six sentences 😂. But saw this banner and wanted to use it at least once for this month!

OK . . I haven't done one of these in FOREVER. . so my deepest apologies and many thanks for all you lovely folks who keep tagging me for this and WIP Wednesdays: @thinkof-england, @softboynick, @taste-thewaste, @onthewaytosomewhere, @tinyarmedtrex

@wordsofhoneydew , @sophie1973 , @thesleepyskipper , @forabeatofadrum, @getmehighonmagic

@daisyishedwig , @annepi-blog, @porcelainmortal , @blueeyedgrlwrites ( and I hope I remembered everyone!)

1.) I've been struggling with finishing the latest chapter of my RWRB fic, Puppy Love. It's going through the editing process and should be up soon. You'll find a bit below.

2.) I also got sent a Pride themed Glee/Klaine ask for Ficlet Friday - which is now turning out a wee bit longer than a ficlet. And there will be a snippet of it below as well.

See it all under the cut!

1.) From Puppy Love - Chp 4. (RWRB fic)

With a smirk, Alex pulled Henry down to him, internally grateful to feel the other man straddle his legs as he sat in Alex's lap. While he ran his hands up and down Henry’s thighs, Alex found his brain slightly short circuiting as he imagined himself between them with less layers on than they had now. “Fuck,” Alex gasped as he continued stroking them. “Work out much?” he teased as he gripped Henry’s legs tighter. Henry grinned as he used his teeth to graze the edge of Alex’s jaw. “Horseback riding, actually. Used to do a lot of it back home. Even polo now and then.” “Didn’t peg you for a trust fund baby,” Alex poked fun once more. He shuddered as Henry found a particularly sensitive area on his neck and bit down. “Shut up, you cretin,” Henry growled before he took possession of Alex’s mouth again.

2.) From fire island follies (a klaine/glee themed ficlet friday prompt)

“Porcelain, Starchild, White Chocolate . . who are they?” he wondered aloud. “Well, me for one.” Blaine swiveled around on his stool to find a ridiculously good looking guy in the tiniest gold booty shorts that he had ever seen staring at him from behind the bar. “I . .I’m sorry . . what?” The bartender tossed a rainbow colored bar towel over his shoulder and plunked down a glass of water in front of Blaine.  “White Chocolate.  That’s me, I’m saying.” “That’s . . a, uh. .  . .a nice name . .” The blond grinned, the body glitter shining very noticeably off his abs.   Blaine seriously tried not to stare.  He did. “Stage name.  Used to have a partner called Dark Chocolate I worked with, but he went off and got him a boyfriend who didn’t like him writhing on stage with little ole me. Jake came up with the names.  He said we were both smooth and sweet and it kind of worked cause he was, well, you know, African American and I’m . . .” he gestured again toward his glitter encrusted abs. Blaine swallowed and really didn’t stare.  Really.  He really, really didn’t.

Besides the lovely folks listed above, I'm also tagging: @gleefulpoppet, @14carrotghoul, @myheartalivewrites, @itsmaybitheway, @hkvoyage,

@little-escapist, @madas-ahatters-world, @kirakiwiwrites, @spaceorphan18, @special-bc-ur-part-of-it ,

@kurtsascot , @cryscendo, @rockitmans, @lady-divine-writes, @lilinas

and open tag for anyone who wants to jump in!

[rum-and-shattered-dreams]

Engaging Encounter - Chapter 4 - A Simple Life

Going off schedule to post this now instead of next Friday because there's a hurricane coming and I don't know what next Friday will be like. At least it will already be posted by then this way.

Overall Summary:

In the months following Weirdmageddon, Ford reconciled with Stan while helping him with his lost memories but struggled to really reconnect with Fiddleford until Dipper and Mabel visited for their winter break. When Mabel found out they were once more than friends, she couldn’t help recruiting Stan and Dipper to help her play matchmaker again.

Chapter Summary:

Time marches on (AKA- MONTAGE!) Ford helps Fidds on a sort of day-to-day basis. Fidds helps Ford through a severe flare of his chronic pain/illness. Fiddleford gets creative in helping Ford talk about his good times in the multiverse That, in turn, helps Fidds with his own frustrations. Eventually the two work on forging a future together Also Fiddleford has a bit more success with a political campaign than he ever imagined.

Chapter Notes:

More Smut Supreme because why not.

Also more angst and fluff and sweet, cute stuff because I want them all to be happy, okay? ;)

This one contains a non-graphic depiction of Ford's digestive issues because I'm kind of tired of seeing things like that treated like a joke and wanted to write something that treats it with compassion.

This also includes the idea of Fiddleford becoming president (from the thing where Alex said he did in the GF universe.)

Sorry no art this time. Not sure if there will be but if there ever is, I'll post it on my tumblr

Overall Notes:

More feelings and characterization-heavy smut to follow Embarrassing Encounter

It references events from the Pleasant Encounters series but it isn't necessary to read those to understand this.)

The entirety of this is already written and new chapters will be posted on Friday evenings (EST).

Chapters one and two are Smut Lite (mostly feelings, bonding, and fluff)

Chapters three and four are Smutty Smut Smut.

Ford and Fiddleford do not know what labels they fall under but Stan mentions it might be sex-positive and on the aroace spectrum.

Dipper and Mabel understand sexual topics in this fic. They’re not involved in any but they’re not ignorant to them. It’s mentioned that their parents have already talked to them about it all in an appropriate way. Just sticking that warning here in case it bothers anyone if they understand what’s happening behind closed doors and joke about it in the way that 13-year-olds sometimes do.

(Going to reblog with the link so check the notes for this or just search for Snarkyhermit on AO3.)

Writing blog @shattereddreams-gravityfallsfics

[leahnardo-da-veggie]

More novel snippets!!

Smiling to myself, I got up from my seat and strolled out of the carriage. Pausing at the door, I turned back. They were still distracted. So I began my hunt for new garms. 

This time, I acted smart. Getting caught ‘borrowing’ clothes would be a disaster, especially given that I was certain Merida wanted an excuse to harm me. So I stayed away from the high-class areas, where security cameras watched snobs like hawks. Sure, the economy class coaches had less valuable loot, but practically anything was a step up over the nondescript hoodie and sweatpants I had on.

Indeed, as I approached the middle of the train, I found the perfect victim. She was a blonde, dolled up to the max, fake gold barrettes in her hair and thick mascara. The cane at her side, golden-handled and burdened with stickers, meant she wouldn't chase me if it went awry. Besides, her crop-top and miniskirt duo would look good on me, I decided. The green would set off my complexion, and if she had brought along her makeup (of course she would, what kind of girl wouldn't? Imagine if she'd accidentally smudged something en route.), I would finally be rid of my fashion disaster week. 

I sauntered up to her, smiling to myself while she chattered on obliviously. Just as I reached out with a spell, she turned and said, “Hii! We know you're a mind-mage! Don't bother trying to bully me into giving you anything!” Her voice was pitched in a squeal, with an edge of vicious amusement I hadn't previously noticed. 

I froze. Without even making a move on her, she had known what I was, and what my intentions were. Just what was she? A quick glance at her mind told me that I was in trouble. This kid was a spell-snapper, a mage specialising in countering magic, and a skilled one at that. Her thoughts swirled invitingly, like a shark's single fin poking out of the water, or a speculum waved like a magic wand. “Sorry,” I said, raising my hands. “I'll go bother someone else.”

“Don't do that,” one of her friends said, rising with deadly swiftness. An elemental mage, I knew. Lightning, perhaps? Something energy-based. “Why not take a seat? It's not often you find a professional pathomancer wandering around.”

Pathomancer? It took a moment to remember that she was using the scientific name for my kind of mage. I had only ever heard it spoken once before, when the doctors worked out just what I was. Reluctantly, I filled up the fourth seat in their cabin. 

“Great! I'm Frances! It's so nice to meet you!” The blonde grabbed my hand and shook it with enthusiasm. “A mind mage? That's so cool! You should show us some tricks!”

“I am Miriam. Miriam Jacett, to be specific,” the elemental mage said, settling back down. She was handsome rather than pretty, hawk-nosed and eagle-eyed. Her black hair was cut in a bob, and her slanted features belied a fierce intellect. 

“And I am Glenda,” the third member of their little trip added. I had not quite noticed her before, and- What had I been thinking of? The thought slipped my mind, and I found myself hanging onto the girl's next words. “It is nice to meet you, Luna.”

Taglist:

@coffeeangelinabox, @dorky-pals, @calliecwrites, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @shukei-jiwa

@thewingedbaron, @pluppsauthor, @cowboybrunch, @wylloblr, @possiblyeldritch @ramwritblr, @urnumber1star, @tragedycoded, @bigwipscholar, @ratedn

@vampirelover890, @possiblylisle, @illarian-rambling, @the-ellia-west

@finicky-felix, @evilgabe29, @glitched-dawn, @rivenantiqnerd, @dragonhoardesfandoms

@drchenquill, @everythingismadeofchaos, @owldwagitoutofyou, @dimitrakies, @beloveddawn-blog

@riveriafalll, @the-golden-comet, @rascaronii, @trippingpossum, @real-fragments

@xenascribbles, @unrepentantcheeseaddict

(Anyone else who wants to get added can tell me in the comments, pm me, or send me an ask about it!)

[twopoppies]

Hi Gina!

Please don't take this as shots fired against you (because you are one of the most supportive people in the fandom) but do you happen to know people who recs WIPs?

I know WIPs are generally stigmatised things for many people (like some people hate the wait, some people fear the story they invest their time and love into might not be finished).

I want to start writing, I have big plans, and I know that I would be able to start only with a WIP fic, but before that I want to put something down on the table, and support those writers who are in a very difficult situation writing and posting their fics as WIPs, who don't get the attention their work deserves.

With a little bit of help from friends and fandom in general, probably many of those stories could actually come to fruition and see their completion.

I see many people with WIPs or even with finished fics complain about barely getting people’s interaction, if any, for their stories. And it's genuinely sad to see some very talented people even giving up creating just because they don't get the positive feedback they so badly crave (and deserve).

Fandom could change in a positive way with even tiny steps like supporting all fics, (not expecting writers to give a finished story immediately just to ignore it completely once it's posted and let it be forgotten…) and also mainly leaving comments and stuff, interacting with content creators (including artists and writers too)

Sorry about my rambling. Back to my question, do you know blogs who also recommend works in progress?

Hi, sugar. I actually have never seen anyone focus on recommending WIPs. Maybe that's something you want to tackle. I'd imagine you're not the only one who'd like it.

As for the rest of your message, yes. I've been in this fandom for 11 years, and that dynamic has always been here. Content creators have been begging for reblogs for years. New writers and/or authors with a small following have always found it difficult to get eyes on their fics. I've tried a number of ways to help (I organized a fic promo squad of hundreds of blogs that were willing to repost fics, I've made several posts about how to get traction on your fics, etc.) I know other bloggers have hosted fic fests and offered other ideas. It's extremely frustrating. Believe me, I get it.

I'm open to any suggestions. And, as always, I'm happy to reblog people's fic posts if you send them to me.

[ask-commander-arild]

what was it like for you when you were first taken from your home and forced to work for the pigmasks? did they threaten you to join? im sorry, either way it must have been a hard time for you.

It... was very hard. It still is. I don't like to talk about it very much, but... I feel like if I don't get it out at some point, I might just explode. So, well... where do I even start..?

When I was 11 years old, just weeks before my 12th birthday, I... hmmm... I got up one morning, got dressed, got my backpack, got breakfast, and watched some tv. It was the same as every morning. The only difference... before I left, I... got into an argument, with my mamma. It's been so long now, I don't even remember why, but I can imagine I probably did something stupid. We both said some pretty... not great things to each other, and then I slammed the door and left in a huff. I didn't care what the consequences would be once I got home, that was a problem for future me, I was just going to go to school and worry about it later. But, then...

I was on my way to the bus stop... and I... it happened so fast, I didn't even have any time to react. There were three of them, they grabbed me and... it was a blur after that. Next thing I remember, I was in a place surrounded by men in lab coats and strange uniforms, and they explained who they were (which, you already know, evidently), and I... may have punched a few people out of fear. Unfortunately, one boy vs a group of trained soldiers doesn't exactly end well... After that, I... don't know... I remember being approached by a caped soldier in a white uniform. He said something like "Y'know kid, we could really use someone with that kinda attitude. A little discipline and I think you'll make a fine addition around here." or.. something along those lines...

The thought of that terrified me. I didn't want to join them, I didn't even want to be there. I just wanted to go home to my family. I tried refusing, but... they gave me two choices. Either join their ranks and become a soldier, or be brainwashed and made to forget everything. I feel stupid for it now, but... well, obviously, you know what I chose. Thus, I've spent the past few years right here, in the army, and as much as I wish I could say I've hated it, I really don't know if I'd have it any other way. Overall, the army has done some terrible things, and I have always hated that, but on the other hand, getting to know my brothers in arms and making such a deep connection with them has been one of the best experiences in my life. Even still....

From the moment I was taken, I have missed my family desperately. Letting my lillesøster play with my toys, even if I found her annoying. Playing games with my storebror, even if he found me annoying. Going fishing and camping with my pappa, even if I was a little afraid of him, haha. And my mamma... jeg savner henne så mye... As much as I've enjoyed the past few years, there's nothing I want more than to be in her arms again. But, even if I can go back now, would she... even want to see me? After the things I said to her? Does she even care that I'm gone now? What if she's happier now that she never has to see me again? I don't think I could ever go back and face her again. Especially now, being a chimera. What would she say if she saw me? She'd probably see me as some kind of monster. I can't go back...

Thanks for the question, friend...

(ooc: Ooooo, boy, this one was tough to write, in more ways than one. I teared up more than a couple times writing, tbh. I did have a lot of fun writing it, though. Even still, I'm not the most proud of it. I def think I could do better, but oh well. Also, this post has a lot of Norwegian, and thus a lot of google translate. I have no idea if it's grammatically correct, but I just hope it gets the point across. If anyone who's Norwegian somehow finds this blog, HELPPPP. Anywho, sorry for the long read, y'all. Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for the ask, Hal Pinkalliums!!)

[hooked-on-elvis]

Hello there! I am a fan of your blog and I appreciate the depth you provide when your posts include text. You are an eloquent writer and as an English major, I can appreciate that in anyone!

Anywho, I was wondering what is your favorite era of Elvis and why? Mine is 50s E, going back to ‘53 pre-fame. He was just a young man with stars in his eyes and music flowing through his veins. I loved his zeal for God and the Bible (especially as a Christ follower myself), his passion and work ethic, his devotion to his family, all those things. Many of those tenets remained with him at the time of his passing but unfortunately, I do believe he was a case of being swamped by his fame (as has happened to many big stars). From what I’ve read, I do believe he was on his way to reworking his life in ways that returned to his roots reminiscent of 50s E, where he was more free and relaxed in accordance with his fame.

That being said, ‘68 to 70s E has my heart when it comes to music. He accomplished the variety I believe he wanted from the start, and was fleshed out in his individuality. Heh, this was a book and a half…thank you for reading and I look forward to your response!

TCB and TLC! 💜⚡️

First of all: 🥹🥲 Thank you for your kind words and compliment, dear. I'm glad I can do some good enough work when talking about Elvis' career and life because I think as much zeal Elvis had for God, like you mentioned, not comparing him with God but I do have the same zeal for him. When friends like you compliment the things I share in my blog I like to think Elvis is somehow proud of the little things I do while researching his career and sharing what i found out in a the clearest way I find to even tho I'm still studying English just like you. I try to do the best I can, I take a lot of time writing and rewriting but even so sometimes I know I slip in my writing. Anyhow I'm very pleased to hear my flaws don't come in the way of what I'm aiming to do. Helping to spread information about Elvis' rich career and life story with the more people I can reach. Thank you for sharing your feelings with me. You have no idea how I feel honored.

I can relate to your feelings about Elvis in many ways but there isn't an easy answer from my part, friend. Sorry if I may ramble too much in my answer but here goes my thoughts/feelings:

We, Elvis fans, love all of his eras anyway but we all have our favorites so, being specific, I love late 60s and all about 70s Elvis the most, specially 70s Elvis, and that's because of his voice, which was so much deeper and intenser than when he was young (naturally and because he worked hard for it too), and because of his repertoire as a musician, the country songs specially — also because of his latter movies which are my favorites.

Back in early 60s Elvis' voice was pretty much matured already but his repertoire, even tho I love it, is not my favorite in comparison to the 50s and 70s ones. There's too many ballads in the early 60s and I prefer the country songs Elvis performed in the 50s and 70s the most, as I said. I can't deny his looks in the 70s has something to do with my favorite Elvis era too. Late 1970 to 1972/1973 in my favorite period of Elvis' appearance, but as for his personal life, the 70s is not my favorite Elvis era at all, as you can imagine and I think we all can agree on this.

The way he was emotionally damaged in the course of his career is something we cry about every day, as fans. The fame pressure, better saying the need-for-profit business pressure that was put on him, took some of his shine away even tho he still had plenty to give, and he did, until the end of his life. The misfortune to him was becoming a prisoner of his phenomenal fame, "swamped by his fame" as you put it, but he loved the fans, he loved performing, he loved the spotlight on him, he loved his work, loved music to no end, and that's something we can trust to comfort our fan hearts. Elvis had a pretty good life, not a perfect one, but he was happy despite the problems he faced, the problems of human life that each of us have to deal with at some point in each unique ways they are presented to us, periods of deep sadness, hopelessness, anxiety, and so on. Even tho we will keep continually fantasizing that EP had never went through such problems in his life, our precious boy. I always like to enhance this: Elvis was not a sad "old" man by the end of his life. He had days and days. Life was not that exciting as it was for him in the 50s but, even tho not fully satisfied with life and with his career (the things he felt it lacked for him to accomplish), he was happy, he was in good humor most times, and he made many, many, MANY people happy (as helped many too) until the last day of his life, as we know — he still does so now in afterlife… here we are as a living proof.

By the way, one of the things I love the most about 70s Elvis is the way, even tho in his soul he could be in deep sorrow at times, he always found a way to make people laugh, even at his own expenses with self-deprecating jokes, for example. It's funny how he did this. Elvis was a special soul.

And yeah, the way Elvis loved God and the way he was never shy to show it is one of my favorite things about him too. I love to think he conquered his 3 Grammy Awards for his gospel albums, even tho it's sad he never conquered one for his secular music ones. He was proud of praising the Lord with the talent he always spoke proudly He had given to him, and winning awards from it I think made him feel the Lord was happy with the way he lived his life.

So, I guess my definite - tho not very specific - response to your amazing question is: I love 50s Elvis the most concerning his personal satisfaction as a performer, and I love late 60s, specially 70s Elvis the most concerning his work. I love him most of all, and everything he did, in different levels.

I warned ya', my answer wouldn't come that easy but that's how I feel. It's not easy to explain but I guess you can understand a little how I feel about Elvis now.

Thanks for your question, dear, and for you taking your time reading my content and being so kind and generous in sharing your thoughts with me and being interested in my feelings as an Elvis fan like you. Thank you for sharing your feelings about him with me (with us all) too! I love how we share the same kind of perceptions about El.

All my love to you, dear. A big, warm hug. 💖

TCB and TLC!⚡️

[dervampireprince]

Same anon as in the chatbot ask!

I appreciate and admire your stance on AI; I’m working on a research project highlighting the harmful impacts of CAI and was really hoping you weren’t in support of the platform.

I’m frankly disturbed by how many creators I found bots scraped from with a quick scroll. I’m so sorry it happened to you, and equally sorry to have to bring it to your attention. I hope this is more of a one-off than a recurring issue.

Have a lovely evening, keep being cool :]

/gen /p

honestly it makes me feel almost violated.

i remember seeing a reddit thread where someone was like 'i joined a vtubers patreon and got in vc and said i use cai and they all told me i shouldn't use it' and all the comments were like 'theyre so toxic' 'they just dont understand' and guys... yes they probably did understand. if someone is making fun of you for being lonely or 'cringe' by using cai yeah they're being an asshole, but you are in the wrong for using cai. how do you think it generates writing and voices? by stealing the writing and voices from people.

i've seen cai users say the voice feature does 'feel' wrong as it's taking from real people, but none of them seem to know or want to acknowledge that the writing also steals from real people. generative writing like cai, chatbots, chatgpt, etc, have to get trained on something. and that something is real writing by non-consenting authors, ficwriters, journalists, anyone who writes anything online even someone's personal blog or tweets. even if you're making a chatbot for your own oc, and not someone else's character, the chats it generates your oc is taken from stolen writing.

as far as i can see there is no way to get my characters removed from cai. you can report voices being used without consent, but not writing.

this is what i found of my characters on cai, and it makes me really upset and uncomfotable.

they also took some of my art of ambrose and arden to use as the thumbnail and didn't credit me as the artist. even if they had credited me, i do not allow reposting of my art. also, no one in their lives has ever described arden as "smiley" (i'm not policing anyone's headcannons or imagination with that one, just pointing out something silly to lighten the mood so i don't have a complete meltdown).

yes i censored out the cai users name who made these chabots. please do not go and hunt them down, please do not go and find them or message them. especially as we don't know if they're a minor.

it seems to me a lot of minors use cai which is worrying as who knows what the chatbot could spit out regardless of safety measures they have in place. and i'm sorry anyone's so lonely they have to turn to cai only.. you don't have too. fanfic exists, rp communities exist, various online communities whether tumblr groups, discord servers, subreddits, are people still using amino? i mean if you're a minor you should be extra careful getting into online communities and talking to others online (and if you're a minor you shouldn't be following this blog) but like... imagination exists. try getting into creative writing?

idk when we did get so bored with imaginations we had to do this. you know what i did as as kid and there was no access to anything like this? i would copy and paste fanfics into microsoft word, find and replace one characters name with my own and boom you got yourself a self insert fic (note: these edited files were only ever kept on my pc, i never posted them anywhere). and there's soooooo many reader insert fics out there now, hell i literally make my own reader/listener inserts of my own characters, i'm not starving you for content out here. and i'm okay with people writing fanfic about my ocs or commissioning others to write you fanfics (my commissions aren't open).

thankfully i don't think my voice has been uploaded on there? i clicked the 'call' button to see what would happen and nothing did so i think that means there's no voice? or perhaps it doesn't work unless you make an account i don't know.

yeah sorry that became a longer rant. i don't know if more of my ocs are on cai, these are just the ones i found by searching my username in there. there could be other copies of my characters on there that don't credit me.

also a lot of character uploads use ai 'art' as their pictures which you know is also terrible and steals from artists.

and you're right, there's so many more characters taken from small creators and other VAs. i searched yuurivoice on there and got 50+ results of chatbots of his ocs AND ALSO OF HIM. please do not making cai's of real people that is so much worse than someone's oc, it's equally as bad on the stealing front but also so paraosocial. you do not know yuurivoice, you cannot get a bot to act like him as you do not know him or how he acts. watching a creators videos or streams does not mean you know anything about the real them, and especially does not mean you know them or are friends with them. found at least 5 for cardlin audios, some of his ocs and some of him. 6 for dark and twisted whispers ocs.

and if a creator gives you permission to make their oc into a chatbot... that doesn't make the chatbot okay. a creator can consent all you like, but the writers who's work was stolen to train that chatbot still didn't get to consent.

in the rare chance any cai user who's made chatbots of my characters on there sees this post: please delete them. please. you didn't get my consent for this. and you didn't get the consent of all the writers your chatbot was trained on. i don't think you're stupid or cringe for using cai, but you are contributing to generating ai content which is stealing from real humans and harming the environment.

[softxsuki]

Hello, I’m.. new to this. But reading your works have comforted me … I know you have a lot on your plate, and I hope all is going well for you!! If you,,have the chance,, I’ve kind of.. not been doing well. At all. Haha,, I’ve been extremely suicidal.. for at least the past year. Everything has since fell apart. I’m not sure if this counts, but..it feels urgent, to me..?

My grandmother died, I lost my job due to my health declining so rapidly I physically could not manage. I’ve since applied to so many jobs.. absolutely no luck and.. I even lost my home. Im living with someone else’s parents, and I’m a child scared to leave their room all over again. I can’t eat unless food is in front of me, none of my friends are… good, at comforting, to say the least… I have well over 1K due for medical bills, and no one will even take me for an interview, so I can’t even pay off little by little. Lol..I pretty much moved out at 17 and have been surviving by myself for 6 years now.

Im so tired of surviving.

If.. if you don’t mind.. honestly I don’t even know what kind of scenario this would count as…. Baji has been my biggest comfort character as of late, and I.. well, would you mind,, possibly writing a scenario.. of reader who’s spiraled so far into these thoughts, and in the midst of a panic attack, attempts to.. stop surviving, if you catch my drift..

I know this is very personal, and I’m sorry to dump on you.. if you’re unable, all is well! Thank u for taking time to read my pity story haha.. <3

Baji Helps Suicidal Reader

****Please proceed with caution if mentions of suicide will be more harmful to you than beneficial.*****

Pairing: Baji x Gn!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of hopelessness, suicide attempt, crying, not being able to find a job, losing your home

Genre: Hurt Comfort

Post-Type: Oneshot

Word Count: 1.7k

Summary: In which Baji shows up as soon as you attempt to take your own life.

[A/N: Hi darling, I'm so glad you found my blog and for feeling comfortable enough to bring your urgent request to me! I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling. Though I've felt similarly about the the whole job thing. Places these days won't even give people a chance to show what they could do. I graduated from College and couldn't find work immediately. I'm still struggling to find a job in my field even now. I have a job at a bookstore atm, but it took a long time for me to get it. I think when they timing is right though, things will work out for us. We really just need to wait for things to happen and keep working for them! But you're also going through a lot of other situations as well, so my words probably aren't that helpful, so I'll leave that to Baji. I'm here if you ever need anyone to talk to though. I've been through moments of hopelessness and feeling like leaving this world was my only option, but I'm proof that things will change. There will always be times when we fall, but we can always get back up again! Anyway, I'll shut up now and let you read. I hope it provides you with even just a tiny bit of comfort <3 i love you, hopefully we can talk again soon, you sound very sweet!

Side note: I wasn’t sure if you wanted something platonic or if you wanted to be Baji’s s/o so I left that kinda ambiguous. You could read it either way!

Baji impatiently taps his foot, sitting on his bike outside your place. Where were you?

You had texted him earlier asking him to pick you up since the people you were living with weren’t home and you just needed to get out for a while. He came rushing over as soon as he had a chance and texted you upon arriving, but you weren’t answering his texts–you weren’t even reading them. 

He knew all about your situation in life and had tried his best to be by your side and show you the support that you deserved to have. He wasn’t perfect though, at times it was hard for Baji to truly put himself in your shoes and understand what you were going through.

Now though, he was worried. Why had you texted so desperately that you needed to get out of the house? Why weren’t you answering his texts now?

He turns his engine off and hops off the bike, walking briskly to your front door.

“Y/N! I’m here,” He bangs on the door, hoping you were just distracted and forgot to check your phone to see his texts.

But he’s met with silence. 

“Y/N!” He tries again, panic settling in the pit of his stomach and he bangs harder on the door–something wasn’t right.

He brings his ear to the door hoping to hear any sign of life and that’s when he hears it, the running of water and sobs from the other side. Gathering whatever adrenaline had been building up in him, he rams into the door, which luckily flies open from the impact. The sound of your sobs grows louder the closer he gets to you. You were in the bathroom.

The door is only a crack open, but he races toward the noise, slamming the door fully open and takes in your state; puffy eyes as tears run from them not that he could distinguish your tears from the hot water that was pouring on you from the shower-head. You were sitting in the tub, soaking wet with a bottle of pills in your hands.

Your breathing was erratic as you struggled to open the bottle, but Baji is quick to act. He’s in the shower with you in a second, the burning water scalding his body even through his jacket, but he doesn’t care since it’s now not hitting you anymore. He snatches the pills from your hands, throwing them out the bathroom door and into the hallway where you can’t see them. In your state of panic, you start to flail around, seeing that bottle as your only escape from the mental pain you were experiencing. He finally turns the water off and hoists you up, your attempts to push him away and hit him futile. His adrenaline is still high as he lifts you from the tub with ease and onto the bathroom floor where he plops down next to you, out of breath.

You can’t seem to calm your breathing down as you clutch your chest, searching all around you with wild eyes, looking for a way out. Anything to end your suffering–anything. But then you feel strong arms wrap around you in a hug. You beat down on his back, trying your best to shake him off you. Let go of me, you think to yourself. Maybe you meant it in a different way, Let me go. Let me be free from this pain. But deep down, you wanted him to continue to hold you in place.

“Y/N please-” His voice cracks, making you go still in his arms. What were you doing?

“Please, I’m here. You’re not alone, I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere,” he cries, “So don’t leave me.”

The man who had nerves of steel was breaking right in front of you.

He held you tight, as if he was scared you’d just vanish between his fingers. 

What feels like hours passes by with you both still soaking wet on the floor, clinging to each other, but you slowly manage to calm your breathing and sobs thanks to Baji’s help. 

He had been silent the whole time, focusing on just making sure you wouldn’t try anything else while he was around.

“I’m sorry…” you finally say, resting your head on his shoulder, “I’m sorry you had to see me like this.”

He finally loosens his grip on you, but continues to hold you close, caressing your still damp hair, “Why?”

That was a great question. One you couldn’t answer in only a few minutes. Baji knew the basics of what you’d been through, but he didn’t know the turmoil of what you were going through internally–only externally.

“I’m just…tired. Tired of surviving, tired of suffering. I’m barely scraping by. Is this what life’s supposed to be like? I look around at all the happy faces. Everyone seems to be living the ideal life and I’m just here, so why should I bother to exist if I don’t matter.”

He takes in your words, thinking them over, probably repeating them over and over in his head.

“You matter,” he decides to say, “You matter so much. Even if you only matter to one person, isn’t that enough to keep trying? One person can eventually grow into two, and three, and so on.”

“Baji…you don’t know what it’s like. I’ve already tried for so long. It’s been six long years. I’ve tried to see the good in my situation for six years, and yet I only keep getting pushed farther and farther past my limit. I can’t find a job, and because I can’t find a job, I can’t pay off my debt. I’m living in a house that isn’t mine with people who aren’t my family. I’m alone,” you cry out.

By now you had freed yourself from Baji’s arms, but he reaches over and grabs your hand, squeezing it reassuringly, scared that you’d run away from him.

“But if you leave now how do you know that tomorrow won’t be the day that things change?” He asks you, “Look, I know I can’t ever fully understand what goes on through your mind or what you’ve been through up till this point, but you can’t know what your life will be like a few months from now–hell, not even a few days from now. Everything can change in a second, you just need to be around to experience it.”

He brings your hands to his lips, peppering tiny kisses to your knuckles.

“I love you, a lot Y/N. Too much to just let you leave like this. Let’s try focusing on today. Each day has its own troubles, so why should we think about the future and worry ourselves even more for problems we haven’t reached yet? We’ll cross those valleys when we get to them. Right now, I just want you to focus on yourself, getting back on your feet and in a better state of mind,” he tries to console you.

His words definitely reached you. Truth be told, you knew things could maybe change, but it was hard to move forward with such uncertainty. Why couldn’t you know what would happen with your life five years from now? 

“But what if things don’t change. I don’t want to live like this forever. I don’t want to suffer anymore,” you confess, hot tears running down your face.

Baji turns to face you, gently wiping your tears away.

“But what if they do? Don’t you want to stick around to find that out for yourself?” He asks.

You stop and think it over for a moment; a life where things finally turned around–you finally getting called in for an interview and getting a job, receiving an income and finally getting to pay your debts off. Having your own place where you felt comfortable and maybe starting a family of your own…yeah, that did sound nice. As impossible as that future sounded, it was something you craved.

“I guess I do,” you sigh, “Though I wish it could happen now.”

“I know. I wish it could happen now for you as well. I hate to see you suffer so much, but you’re not alone in this. I have your back. So let’s keep fighting okay? Together, let’s see it through till the end when things finally turn around for you.”

“Baji, you know I can’t just feel better overnight. I think I’ll be okay for today, but who’s to tell when I’ll spiral like this again.”

“Then I’ll be here to get you through it again.”

A wave of gratitude flew through you. You don’t know why Baji arrived on time when you were fully ready to leave this world a few minutes ago, but now you were thankful that he had stopped you. You didn’t want to hurt him or leave him alone, but you found a little ball of hope appearing in your heart. Though tiny, it was still present and you hoped it would continue to grow and become reality one day.

“I’ll try.”

“Good. Then shall we go? You said you wanted out of here for the day, right?” He goes right back to treating you like he usually would–something you were grateful for. You didn’t want him to walk on eggshells around you after witnessing you at your lowest moment.

“But we’re still wet,” you point-out, looking at his clothes that were still clinging to his body.

“The wind will dry us,” he heaves himself off the floor and holds a hand out to you, “Let’s go.”

You give him your hand as he helps you off the floor. What did you have to lose? At this point you didn’t care, you just needed to get your mind off everything.

Baji leads you out of the house, grabbing the bottle of pills on his way out and throwing them in his jacket pocket, making a mental note to discard them later. You walk past the open door with a lock that was now busted off the wall. You’d have to explain that to the people you lived with, but you’d face that problem when you got to it–just like Baji said. 

You hop on behind him on his motorbike as he passes you his helmet, making sure it’s securely on your head before he drives off. 

For just a moment, the wind seems to blow all the worries from your mind. With your arms wrapped tightly around Baji’s torso, you close your eyes and think of those better days he had spoken about.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to see if they could really happen…

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 2/15/2023