#imagine having that conversation with a coworker using your OTHER coworker's family as an example what to do/not do to

[ilions-end]

god the way everyone in mythology turn out to be more related than i thought. NIOBE WAS PELOPS' SISTER??

which means achilles to priam is like "so i have this boss, right? and his great aunt, alllll her kids were killed by the gods, and she still fed herself. i've killed WAY fewer of your kids than that, and you think you're doing WORSE than agamemnon's great aunt? come on"

[widowwaddles]

Don’t Go Baking My Heart - Part 2

Summary:  After a breakup, you decide to pack up your life and move to Westview. A  coworker recommends you join the local community's cooking class in  order to settle into the new town. It sounded like a great idea, you  could learn a new skill (that you desperately need) and meet new people.  However, nothing could have prepared you for the green-eyed beauty you  met during class. Maybe you'll end up leaving the class with more than  just a basic understanding of cooking.

A/N: This is my first time ever writing and I couldn’t have ever imagined that so many people would enjoy. I do have plans of continuing this as a series, I just ask that you remain patient as I get into the wing of things.  Thank you all for the support!!!!!

Masterlist

Part 3

--

Throughout the class, you felt very conflicted.

You have to admit that Wanda was a great teacher. You could practically feel her passion for cooking in the way her eyes shined as she explained each step. Even throwing personal stories from her past of cooking with her family and trying to teach her brother how to not start a fire the moment he entered the kitchen. These stories pulled laughter from everyone in the room, and the awkward air from your introduction was soon forgotten. Her enthusiasm for the craft was contagious and it spread to everyone. She was like a motivational speaker, with the ability to make anyone believe that they could cook a delicious meal, no matter their skill level. You had faith that you would actually be able to make something edible, even with Yelena as your sous chef.

After explaining each step, it was time to put what you learned into action. Wanda began walking around slowly, from station to station checking on everyone’s progress and providing assistance if needed. You aren’t too sure what drew her over to your station much quicker than the others but it may have been the “small” argument you got into with Yelena. Well…if small would include a slight yelling match followed by Yelena swinging a knife at you.

In your defense, you were only trying to help her follow the recipe exactly as Wanda had taught. You quickly learned that Yelena was more of the “screw what anyone tells me, I’ll do what feels right” type of person. While you admired type kind of attitude in other aspects of life, you wanted to impress Wanda during your first class. You tried to be nice about it and tell her what she was doing wrong. But all intentions of keeping the peace went out the window when the phrases “Why would I trust anything you say, you need the help more than I do” and  “I’m surprised you were even paying attention by how much you were drooling over Wanda”, left her mouth while Wanda was only at the station to the left of you. It became every man for himself and had Wanda not stepped in you were sure that you would have lost a finger or two.

Wanda decided it would be best to stand between the two of you until Yelena was no longer muttering angrily in Russian. Looking at what was completed so far, she thought it’d be best if she provided some assistance to salvage the dish (but using much nicer terms). Being in the middle also meant that Wanda had to reach between you and Yelena to grab the items she needed. She made casual conversation while she explained the steps again but every time you slightly felt her hand or body lean against you to grab something, you malfunctioned.

A Very Unfortunate Example :

After the incident earlier, Yelena has been banned from using knives without supervision. So when you volunteered to cut up the potatoes, Yelena decided to join as well, making a competition out of it.

“Okay, you need to dice the potatoes more, they’re a little too bulky,” Wanda says while holding your freshly cut potatoes in her hand.

“Ha, what an amateur” You hear a voice loudly say on the other side of Wanda. “What I said was true Y/n, you have no business commanding me around in the kitchen”.

“I wasn’t commanding, I was just-“ you started.

“Hey, when you’re making smaller cuts don’t hold the knife like that” Wanda interrupted, pulling your attention back to her. “Here, let me show you”

Wanda moves even closer to you and grabs your hand.

You felt a spark.  And then it happened.

It felt like your hand had disconnected from your body. As if this one touch had transformed it into a being with a mind of its own. Filled with infinite fantasies of you holding Wanda’s hand as you’re coming back from a date or holding her close at night as sleep welcomes your bodies. The rest of your body could only feel jealous at the lack of contact.

“Now it’s more stable and easier to cut. Do you feel the difference?”

You’re too far gone to even remember what she did with your hand or even notice the difference between the cuts. You just respond, with a slow nod.

(* What you didn’t know was that this interaction had also caught the attention of a certain Russian you had crossed. One who saw you for what you truly were, a walking gay disaster whenever Wanda’s around. And saw this opportunity as the best time to enact her revenge. She glances at you with a smirk *)

Your lack of a verbal response turns out to be the wrong one as her head quickly turns to you, eyes firm believing that you are simply ignoring her. She raises an eyebrow, facial expression practically demanding verbal confirmation that she has your attention.

“Uh y-yes,” you stutter out. “This really helped me a lot, Wanda”.

You quickly averted your eyes and grabbed another potato, getting straight to work.

You’d like to believe that she was too distracted with Yelena to notice that you had reverted to your old way of cutting.

—

You were seriously starting to regret every choice you’ve made that ended you on Yelena’s bad side for today. She suddenly decided that she needed every ingredient and tool that was nearest to your side. Even ones that didn’t make sense for this recipe like a spatula and cheese grater. You were getting suspicious that she was plotting new ways to murder you. That is until she specifically requested that Wanda be the only one to touch and hand them to her.

You had caught on to what she was doing but that couldn't save you from falling victim to her trap.

Here’s how the routine went until the dish was ready to be put into the oven: Yelena would say she needed something to add personality to the dish. Wanda would look at you softly as if asking for permission to move into your space with her eyes. You, internally thinking, she never has to ask to invade your space before blushing about the true implications of your words. The feeling of Wanda’s body brushing against yours snapped you out of whatever fantasy you were in. The further the item was the more she has to lean into you, causing you to stiffen unintentionally. You silently pray that she didn’t notice and things won’t be awkward after she pulls away. Yelena, watching the entire interaction, holds in her laughter as Wanda grabs and hands the item to her.

Wanda and Yelena had started a lively conversation, with you joining in and joking around. Whenever Yelena felt like you were having too much fun, she’d meet your eyes with a devious smile. This was the only warning you’d get, but no matter how much you tried to prepare for what comes next you were still…a disaster. The most embarrassing part was that you could never continue the conversation like normal whenever the routine had started and Yelena loved every moment of it. You could only hold your breath, hoping that this would wrap up just a little bit faster, before you could embarrass yourself even more.

It seems that some higher power decided to take pity on you. Wanda had gone back to her position in the front of the room, while the dishes were being baked. Everyone was talking amongst themselves, class practically over as you were waiting around for the oven timer. Yelena is droning on about something besides you, but only one person managed to capture your attention. Your eyes couldn’t help but watch Wanda, something about her draws you in.

You see her look down, the sudden buzzing in her pocket taking her by surprise. She pulls out her phone, and her eyes instantly widen as she reads the notifications that are quickly flooding her phone. Her hands start to slightly shake, as she anxiously reads the screen. She looks up quickly, glancing around the room hoping that her class would be too distracted to notice her sudden shift in mood. Her eyes shift from each side of the room, and when they reached your area you knew you had been caught.

The moment those green eyes locked on yours, you knew you were trapped - too afraid of what would happen the moment you looked away. It felt like time froze around you both, the longer you maintained eye contact. You felt like you were caught in an intense staring game, where blinking meant severing whatever connection you were sharing with the woman at this moment. Getting over the initial panic you felt in the beginning, you decided to get a good view of her face. Instantly, you could tell that whatever was going on, was a lot deeper than you had originally suspected moments ago. Her eyes shone with unshed tears, the sorrow in her expression feeling palpable. She no longer looked like the woman you had met earlier, exhaustion flooding her features. She looked weak and so close to falling apart. There’s nothing you wanted more than to erase that expression from her face, but you understood your role in her life. You were nothing but a stranger and in any other circumstance, you’re sure this side of her would have never been revealed to you. This wasn’t just a one-off instance of one text being her breaking point. You had a feeling she’s been putting up a strong front for a while now, and it was working well in the presence of others…until this moment.

So you did the only thing you could do. You offered a reassuring smile and hoped that your eyes communicated a sense of comfort. The same comfort she provided you when your mind threatened to trap you in your negative thoughts. The comfort has motivated you to keep going despite feeling overwhelmed with your new environment. The comfort that lets you know that you aren’t alone even in the face of a stranger. If she had the power to convey these feelings to you with just one look, you hoped to have even a third of that, as you stare back into hers. Your eyes are strong with conviction, and for a moment it seems to have worked. Wanda slightly softens, before a loud ringing snaps you both back to reality. The chicken pot pies were done, which officially signified the end of class.

As everyone’s attention turned towards the ovens in the back of the room, no one noticed Wanda had slipped out of the door. Well everyone except you, but you couldn’t dwell on it too long before Yelena began dragging you to the back. After the initial excitement of seeing the finished dishes had died down, everyone began packing up to leave. Wanda had since returned, face completely devoid of any emotion that would hint at her previous state of mind.

“Okay everyone,” Wanda says, effectively silencing all of the chatter in the room. “I’d like to thank you all for showing up, I know it’s been a while, but these classes wouldn’t exist without your support”. She smiles again, but it doesn’t hold the same feeling as it once had. Especially knowing the truth of what was hidden behind it. “You’re all free to go and I hope to see you soon”

And with that everyone began flooding out of the room.

___

Walking out of the building, you couldn’t help but feel satisfied with your day. This was the most social interaction you’ve had since moving here. Despite the moments of embarrassment in the beginning, you felt that by the end you were a lot more comfortable. Maybe the decision of moving here, despite being impulsive, was the right choice.

You said your goodbyes to Yelena before walking to your car. You couldn’t help but stare in awe as the sun began to set. The sky has never looked so large, it seemed endless. Small clouds littered the sky, yet the main attraction was the sun. The bright rays practically painted the sky orange. You’ve never seen such a beautiful view, being born and raised in the city. You never thought small towns had much to offer but at this moment, you were proven wrong.

You don’t remember how long you were standing there, so the sudden sound of a voice caused you to jump in surprise. You place your hand over your chest, heart beating fast, before turning your body to the source of the sound. A small laugh fills the air.

“I didn’t mean to scare you” Wanda’s grinning face welcomes you.

“You didn’t” you replied cooly, as if you weren’t about to have a heart attack a moment ago. “I was just admiring the view,” you say before turning your body toward the sunset again. “I’ve never seen anything like it”

“It’s easy to take for granted” Wanda sighs, turning her body as well.

“Wanda” you call out, contemplating whether you should bring up the moment you shared during class. “I know that you don’t know me well but…  I just want you to know…” you get out, not quite sure how to form your sentence, but hoping it sounds sincere. You’re both still facing the sunset, and you hope it stays that way, knowing there’s no way you’d be able to continue if she looked your way.

“You’ve helped me a lot today, more than you’d ever think. I haven’t met many people here outside of Yelena” You take a deep breath before you continue. “I just wanted to thank you again. Maybe I could treat you to coffee sometime. I’d just like to get to know you better outside of these classes” you rush out, voice slightly wavering towards the end.

Silence fills the air.

You closed your eyes and sighed, ready to take this as a sign of rejection.

Until you felt a sudden presence in front of you and soft hands grabbing yours.

“Y/n” Wanda calls out gently. “Open your eyes for me, please”.

Lulled by her voice, you open them and are immediately greeted with the smile you’d grown fond of. It didn’t look like the facade she had while dismissing her class. This was a real smile, with her eyes matching the tenderness she wanted to convey.

“I’d like to know you better as well” She squeezes your hands before bringing them up between you and leaning in closer. “And if you’re serious about this, then that means you have to stop thanking me so much” she jokes, lips curling back into a smile but her eyes never leaving yours.

“You have a deal, then” you grin back, before giving her hands a squeeze. “Can I get your number, so we can plan a day to meet up?” “Hmmm...” she says, tilting her head as if she was actually thinking about her decision. Your lips couldn’t help but form into a pout. This seems to speed up her decision, as she instantly begins reciting her number. You tried to hide your smirk as you saved her number, but by the groan and push to your arm, you knew she had seen everything.

After exchanging numbers, you decided to walk Wanda back to her car, like the gentlewoman you were. You opened the car door for her, and the conversation between you continued even as she sat down in her seat. Before you could bid your goodbyes, a loud ringing permeates the air. Wanda glances at the contact quickly before answering. You turned around, walking a few steps away to give her more privacy. You tried your best to tune out the conversation happening behind you, opting to hum your favorite song quietly to yourself. A heavy sigh cuts your mini concert short, and by the tone, you could tell something was wrong. Turning back to Wanda, you see her leaning forwards, with her elbows against her thighs and her hands covering her face,

Deciding to take a leap of faith, you walk closer to her, before crouching down. Both of Wanda’s legs were still hanging outside of the car, so you gently grasped her wrists before slowly moving up to her hands. When she didn’t stiffen or pull away, you took it as a sign to continue. Lacing your fingers with her own, you cradled her hands, before deciding to speak.

“Can I hug you, Wanda?” you asked, keeping your voice low. You felt her freeze and your hands suddenly became warm and wet. Hiccups began escaping her body. Believing that you were making things worse, you start to pull away, but before you could get too far her body crashes against you.

You don’t know how long you spent just holding her, but as the sobs wracked her body you promised to never let go. You knew that words were obsolete at this moment. There was nothing you could say to Wanda that would magically make the tears stop falling down her face. You could only hold her until her body stops shaking. You wrapped your arms around her tighter until you were practically supporting her weight with your body. She turns her head into your neck, breathing in your scent. It is at this moment, that she truly understands that she’s not alone. Even though the tears have since dried on her face and she was a lot calmer than before you didn’t move a muscle. You wanted her to be the one that pulls away first, you’d gladly keep her in your arms until she decided she was ready to go.

There weren’t any other words spoken between you two that night. When Wanda finally pulled away, your eyes connected. She pulled her hands up to hold your face, only communicating with glances. As you went to pull your hands back from where they had sat in her lap, she flinched. You brought your hands to her face, cupping her cheeks before leaning your forehead against hers. You both took a deep breath, each absorbing the person who was flooding their senses. You pulled away at the same time, with you offering a small smile as you prepared yourself to get up. Wanda returned one weakly before starting her car. She turned back towards you and nods. You nod back, and you lean in close, tucking the hair messily covering her eyes behind her ear. Your final farewell.

Returning to your apartment that night, you immediately threw your body into bed. You would have no problems going to bed tonight and just as the sleep completely pulled you under, a buzzing in your pocket alerts you. You lazily reach down, pulling out your phone. You read the notification before placing the phone on the pillow beside you.

You settle back into bed and close your eyes. A drowsy smile settles on your face and never leaves even as you enter your dream world.

Wanda:

Thank you

[interpretrai-25]

How the Stars Shape Your Relationships, Careers, and Big Decisions

Astrology often gets boxed into the realm of horoscopes, but its real power goes far beyond just predicting daily events. Whether or not you’re aware of it, astrology can influence many facets of your life—from the relationships you form to the career path you follow. 

Imagine using the stars not just for spiritual insight but for real-world decision-making. This blog post will explore how astrology subtly and powerfully shapes our everyday lives, influencing personal relationships, career choices, and major life decisions in ways that are both practical and deeply transformative.

How Does Astrology Affects Our Personal Connections

When it comes to relationships, astrology serves as a powerful tool to decode compatibility and deepen connections. At the heart of this cosmic matchmaking is your synastry—a comparison of two birth charts to see how the planets of one person interact with those of another. Love isn’t random; astrology reveals how energies between partners mesh or clash, offering a blueprint for understanding the emotional dynamics that define your relationships.

For example, if your Venus—the planet of love—is in a fire sign like Aries, you might be drawn to passionate, spontaneous relationships. However, someone with Venus in a grounded earth sign like Taurus may crave stability, loyalty, and physical affection. Understanding this fundamental difference can help you navigate relationship challenges, seeing where natural harmony exists and where work may be needed.

Astrology can also illuminate the emotional landscape of familial ties or friendships. The Moon, which governs our emotions and instinctual responses, plays a significant role in revealing how we relate to family members or close friends. A strong connection between two people’s Moon signs could indicate emotional understanding, while harsh aspects between them could point to emotional friction. But it’s not just about identifying compatibility—astrology can help us cultivate empathy for others, guiding us to create stronger, more fulfilling relationships.

Can I Check Whether My Career Suits Me According to Astrology?

In a world where many feel unfulfilled at work, astrology can offer a guide to discovering your strengths and passions. Your birth chart reveals insights into your life purpose and ambitions, helping you find success in your career.

One of the most important points in your chart for career exploration is the Midheaven (MC). It represents your public image, reputation, and highest aspirations. For example, if your Midheaven is in Leo, you may thrive in roles that allow you to shine, such as leadership, creative arts, or public relations. Conversely, an MC in Capricorn might indicate success in structured fields like finance, engineering, or corporate management. Understanding your Midheaven sign can help align your career choices with your innate strengths, making your work a source of fulfillment rather than just a paycheck.

In addition to the Midheaven, the positions of planets like Mercury (communication), Mars (action), and Jupiter (expansion) can provide insights into your professional approach. For instance, a strong Mercury in your chart might suggest success in writing, teaching, or public speaking, while a Mars-dominant placement could suit competitive or physical roles, like sales, sports, or surgery.

Astrology also sheds light on your work environment and relationships with colleagues. Your responses to authority, teamwork, and stress can be influenced by planetary placements, offering practical tips for improving workplace dynamics. So, the next time you wonder why you’re struggling to connect with a boss or coworker, take a look at the stars—they might have the answers you need.

Can We Use Astrology in Decision-Making?

Life is full of big decisions—whether it’s moving to a new city, changing careers, or starting a family. Astrology can serve as a helpful decision-making tool, offering guidance on timing that aligns with your personal cycles and planetary movements. Astrological transits—how current planetary positions interact with your birth chart—can offer clues about the best times to start new projects, make life changes, or handle challenges.

Take Saturn’s return, for example. This event occurs around ages 29-30 and again at 58-60, marking the end of a 29-year cycle. It’s often a time of deep personal reflection and transformation. Many people feel an urgent need to reassess their life goals, relationships, and career paths during this period, making it a pivotal moment for big decisions like marriage, career shifts, or moving.

On the other hand, Jupiter’s transits bring expansion, growth, and luck. When Jupiter aligns favorably with key planets in your chart, it can be the perfect time to take risks, whether that means starting a business, traveling, or pursuing higher education. The planetary energies create windows of opportunity, helping you make decisions with better timing.

Even day-to-day choices can benefit from astrological insight. For instance, Mercury retrograde—known for causing communication issues and technical glitches—may not be the ideal time to sign contracts or launch new projects. However, it’s great for revisiting past work and reflecting on what can be improved. By paying attention to these astrological cycles, you can align your actions with the natural flow of the universe, ensuring that your decisions are well-timed and supported by cosmic energy.

How Astrology Can Shape Daily Habits

Astrology doesn’t just guide big decisions; it also subtly influences everyday life in impactful ways. Your Moon sign, for instance, governs your emotional well-being and daily habits. If you have a Moon in a water sign like Pisces or Cancer, you might find peace in quiet, reflective activities like meditation, journaling, or spending time near water. On the other hand, someone with a Moon in an air sign like Gemini may feel more energized in social settings or mentally stimulating environments.

By understanding the rhythms of your astrological chart, you can create daily rituals that align with your natural energies. For example, exercise is often linked to Mars, the planet of physical activity and action, while Mercury, the planet of communication and thought, can guide you toward the most productive hours for deep focus. Knowing how these planetary energies affect you personally can help you structure your day in a way that supports both your well-being and your goals.

Astrology can even influence lifestyle choices, like the types of people you surround yourself with or the environments where you feel most comfortable. A strong earth influence in your chart may draw you to natural settings, minimalist designs, and stable, grounded friendships, while someone with a lot of fire energy might seek out dynamic, fast-paced environments and adventurous relationships.

By tuning into the wisdom of your astrological chart, you can make small adjustments to your daily habits, creating a routine that feels more in sync with who you are on a deeper level. 

Unlocking the Power of the Stars in Your Everyday Life

Astrology is not just a tool for predicting the future; it’s a rich, nuanced system that can enhance many aspects of your life—from relationships to career choices and even daily habits. By understanding the unique blueprint of your birth chart, you can harness the cosmic energy that influences your personal connections, professional growth, and decision-making processes. Whether you’re seeking deeper insight into a partnership, trying to find fulfilment in your work, or simply looking to create a daily routine that feels more in tune with who you are, astrology provides a roadmap for self-discovery and alignment.

Ready to take the next step in your journey? Explore your personalised astrological insights and gain real-time guidance with the Interpreter app. Whether you’re planning a major life decision or simply seeking to understand yourself better, the stars are here to guide you—start today!

[juichengfang]

Weekly Journals for COM100

Chapter 1 information that was just found out This chapter gives a full introduction to communication. It talks about communication styles, different types of communication settings, the unique aspects of social media, ways to use social media well, communication skills, and common myths about communication. This information has helped me learn more about the theory and practice of dialogue.

Even though this chapter goes over the basics of conversation, there are always more things to learn. I'm really interested in learning more about how different kinds of communication, like mass communication and group communication, work. In these kinds of situations, looking at case studies and real-world examples can help show the problems and methods of good communication. This chapter's look at how to talk to people could help friends, coworkers, or family members. They can bond better if they understand that speaking skills are relational, depend on the situation, and can be taught. Five tips for using social media wisely are also helpful for them because they teach people how to talk online in a responsible way. They can also get a better idea of the problems and limits of communication if they bust some common myths about it. Chapter2

Positive Influence: Imagine a helpful teacher who always gives it positive feedback, motivation, and praise for success. Their thoughts about the ability and skills may make it feel better about oneself. They could become more driven, more sure of oneself, and like them more.

But it can be bad if important people in the world often send that you mixed messages, put down your skills, or make it feel like inadequate. This kind of negative speech can lead to low self-esteem, self-doubt, and a bad idea of oneself.

2. Gender roles: Social standards about what men and women should do and how they should act can affect how people see themselves. Based on gender stereotypes, community norms may say what it means to be a "good" daughter, son, friend, student, spouse, etc. in terms of certain traits, responsibilities, or tasks.

What it can expect from family and community: Family or group values, habits, and customs can also affect how a person sees himself or herself. For example, some societies may say that a "good" person is someone who does well in school, listens to authority figures, or follows cultural rules.

3. Make sensible objectives: Set school goals that you can reach and that match with your abilities and hobbies.

Develop a growth mindset, which is the belief that one can get smarter and better at things by working hard and studying.

Set up good ways to study: Use strategies like active learning, managing time well, and asking for help when needed to.

Ask for help. They should be surrounded by colleagues, people it look up to, and other tools that motivate and help to succeed well in school.

4. Bust yourself of self-limiting beliefs: Recognize any negative thoughts it may have about the abilities or chances of success and disprove them.

Help when it's needed: To get past academic problems, ask teachers, mentors, or support services for tips and help.

Accept the capacity to bounce back from failures. Instead of seeing failures as sure signs of future success, look at them as chances to get better and learn.

Keep an even-keeled view: Don't be too sure of up or too down on oneself, and know that many things can affect how well it's true in school.   Chapter 3

1. Read books, stories, and blogs about other societies to learn more about them.

Watch movies or programs that look at different cultural points of view.

Go to concerts, shows, and other culture events.

Talk with people who come from other countries.

Use tools on the internet, like social media pages, groups, and websites that help people from different cultures talk to each other.

2. Find out about unfairness and power in society.

Think about the past, what happened, and the skills that may have.

Listen to people who have different thoughts and situations and learn from them.

Use the better to give a voice to groups that don't have one and work for social justice.

analyze one's biases and assumptions in a critical way on a regular basis.

3. Join a neighborhood, club, or group that has people of different races.

Attend cross-cultural classes, training, or events.

By working or taking part in community service projects, it can meet a wide range of people.

Visit different places or countries to learn about other cultures.

Listen carefully and talk to people nicely to learn about their thoughts and experiences.

4. Learn from people who are good at getting along with people from other countries.

Pay attention to both what people say and how they act to change what they say and talk to them if it's necessary to.

Actively listening can help to comprehend how people from different countries communicate and what they expect from yourself.

Recognize that people from other countries may have different ways of speaking and different ideas about what is important. Be kind and willing to listen.

Chapter 4

1. To me, speaking means "making the listener understand." The listener should instead focus on "understanding."

Listening on the move:

Look at the person speaking, listen carefully, and pay attention to what they say and how they say it.

Listening: Smiling, nodding, opening and friendly movements

To make sure you understand what the speaker is saying, summarize each piece. If not, ask questions.

Wait for the speaker to finish before you speak.

After you've heard the whole message, you should think about whether you want to speak or share your ideas. If you do, be truthful and kind.

2. Cultural awareness means being aware of and accepting differences in communication styles, norms, and values that come from different cultures. Be aware of possible language hurdles when talking to people who speak different languages, and try to be gentle and understanding.

Active Listening: Use active listening to really understand other people's thoughts, feelings, and wants. Don't make assumptions or generalizations based on how someone speaks or how they sound.

Empathy and empathy: Trying to understand the cultural, political, and social factors that shape someone's language and speaking style. Try to put yourself in their shoes and see the world as they do.

Learn about different languages, countries, and ways of talking to people, and try to understand them. Participate in cross-cultural conversation, learning a new language, or cultural immersion events to learn more and understand more.

Adaptability and flexibility: Being ready to change the way you talk to other people to meet their needs and desires. Be ready to learn and change your method based on what other people say and what you learn about the culture. Chapter 5

I chose to be in a new setting today so I could learn more about the idea of "active listening." Because I couldn't leave the house, I chose to sit in the garden, where I could see and hear familiar sounds and sights of nature. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths as I sit in my favorite pose. This lets me fully focus on what's happening right now. Even though it wasn't a real sound, I began to pay more attention to the voices of the people around me. I turned my attention to the listening surroundings and became more aware of small details that are often missed. As I walked, I could hear the buzzing of insects, the steady thud of rain on leaves, and a faint crunch of dirt under my feet. I was most surprised by how this hearing experience made me feel more focused and in the moment. In my daily life, I often get caught up in the distractions and noise of modern life. This listening experience shows how important it is to pay attention to your surroundings and listen with more care. It shows me that there is a lot to learn now and in the future if we stop, really listen, and let ourselves be fully in the moment. My goal is to use what I've learned from this to improve how I interact with other people every day. I also want to understand and respect more deeply the beauty and meaning of the sounds of nature and the surroundings. Overall, what I heard in my yard was a good lesson of how important it is to pay close attention to what's going on around us. It makes me want to put aside the annoying things that get in the way of enjoying the current moment.

Chapter 6

When I write in my book, I have time to think about how my nonverbal actions affect my interactions. Emotions can be shown through things other than words. I've noticed that my body language changes based on how I feel. When I'm happy, my eyes light up and I give a big smile. The way I look is open and friendly. When I'm upset, I slouch. I stop and turn around to look. I was lively when I was happy. I lean forward and talk with my hands because I'm excited. Twirling your hair and moving around are signs of nervousness. There may be some twitching in my face and voice. When I'm scared or worried, I tense my muscles, make a frown, or look more alert. Most of the time, these feelings show up as faster breathing or a stiff mouth. My loved ones, family, and friends usually understand what I mean when I don't say anything. They watched how I behaved and knew how I felt just by looking at me. My voice, body language, and face reactions show how I feel. My partner can tell I'm sad even before I say anything. They saw how my shoulders were hunched, my eyes were sad, and my voice was shaky. They could tell what I wasn't saying and made me feel encouraged and seen. I can also read the body language of people I care about. I can tell when a friend or family member is worried or excited by the way they move. This shows how our feelings are in sync and how close we are. When silent cues are read properly, it confirms how they feel and makes them feel like they are being heard. Even if they don't say anything, I can still help. This information helps us bond and talk to each other better. When I thought about how people communicate without words, I was reminded of the chance of an emotional link. Nonverbal cues give us clues about who we are and link what we say to how we feel. Getting people to accept and respond to these cues could improve emotional bonds, create sensitivity, and help people understand each other better. I'll keep watching what others and I do with our bodies. By responding to these signs, I may be able to strengthen relationships, help people, and build a place that respects feelings.

Chapter 7,8 I use a lot of different ways to show my friends and family that I care and respect them. By learning how people express love in their own way, I can tell them how I feel more clearly. If someone likes to talk about positive things, for example, I will try to tell them how much I love, appreciate, and support them through words of praise and encouragement. Thanks to this confirmation and support, they feel loved and valued. The act of giving is another way I show love to the people I care about. I show that I care about and am committed to the well-being of my loved ones by giving them help, lending a hand, or going above and beyond to help them. Simple things like cooking, running errands, or helping around the house can show love and care. Quality time is another way I show love that is very important to me. Spending quiet, important time with my loved ones brings us closer together and makes our relationships stronger. I think it's important for people to do things together, talk in depth, and share stories. I keep my ties strong by focusing on them and making room for good meetings. My love relationships are like what Knapp talks about in his lesson on relationships. The steps of coming together, which are called "initiation," "exploration," "reinforcement," "integration," and "bonding," show how our relationship grows naturally. Knowing about these steps makes it easier for me to deal with the different situations and problems that come up, which helps everyone grow and understand each other better. Brene Brown's TED talk and film about The Power of Vulnerability really spoke to me. Brown's thought-provoking talk shows how important it is for people in relationships to be open and honest, and how it helps people connect with each other. I want to use what I've learned to make my relationships a place where it's safe and okay to be vulnerable. I want to do this by being vulnerable myself and creating an environment where others feel comfortable opening up.

Chapter 9 First of all, working well with others in a group is important for many college assignments, such as group projects, speeches, and discussions. By working on their group communication skills, students can improve their ability to work together, share ideas, and reach goals as a group. Communication in a group is impossible without leadership. A good boss in a group can help people work together, keep track of their jobs, and talk to each other. This lesson taught me about the different ways and styles of leading. In the digital age we live in now, internet contact is becoming more and more common. This subject talks about the challenges and opportunities of speaking in an internet group. It shows how important clear communication, active involvement, and using technology to help people work together and get involved are. These skills are especially important now that so many college students learn online and work on group projects from far away. Conflict is an inevitable part of group relations, so knowing how to deal with and fix it is important for a group to work well and get along. The class looks at ways to solve conflicts, such as compromise, active listening, and sensitivity. Using these methods, college students can settle disagreements and fights within the group and make it a more positive and useful place to be. When it comes to communicating in a group, I've had both problems and successes. Through group projects and talks, I learned how important it is to listen actively, respect communication, and value different points of view.

Chapter 10

He cared a lot about everyone and working together, which was one of his most important lessons. Mandela understood how important it is to work together and how powerful it is to do so. He was able to bring together people from different cultures and racial backgrounds and give them a sense of purpose. His ability to bring people together around a common goal shows how important it is to work together to do amazing things. When it came to running the grid, Mandela was a great example of a team leader. He puts a lot of stress on giving people power, working as a team, and respecting each other. He also puts people and results first. Mandela was a good leader because he connected with his people and made them feel like they could trust him. He knows how important it is to put money into teams, help them grow and improve, and give them a sense of responsibility and control. Mandela showed many qualities of a revolutionary leader. First, he had a clear vision of a free and democratic South Africa, which he shared with others in a way that inspired and motivated them. His kindness, friendliness, and ability to clearly explain shared goals made people feel hopeful and inspired them to work for a better future. Mandela also had a lot of emotional intelligence and cared deeply about the problems and goals of the people he led. He worked hard to help his people get stronger and improve their standard of living because he truly cared about their well-being. In the end, Mandela's ability to lead was based on his honesty and morality. He has always done what he thought was right, even when it was hard or cost him personally. All things considered, Nelson Mandela's impact as a leader teaches us the importance of working together, the value of moral leadership, and the power of creative and moral leadership to change the world. Leaders in many different fields have been inspired by him to work together, give people power, and act with honesty and kindness.

 Chapter 11

I learned a lot in COM 100, and I've used the things I learned in all parts of my life. Active listening is a concept that has changed my relationships in a big way. I'm a better listener and speaker now that I know the stages of listening and how important it is to really hear and understand people. When I'm talking to someone, I pay full attention to the conversation at hand and try to listen actively. Because of this, my connections with other people have become deeper, and I feel like they back and understand me more. I can connect to the teamwork lesson because of how groups talk to each other. I got to work on a group project where we had to learn about each other's personalities, thoughts, and points of view. We can make teams work better by using the ideas of good communication, resolving conflicts, and sharing leadership. We've been successful while having a good working relationship because we listen to each other, accept different points of view, and look for common ground. I also thought it was interesting that we talked about how to be culturally competent. It made me think about my own cultural biases and made me want to learn more about other cultures and meet people from different backgrounds. Because of this, I know and understand more about many different cultures, and it has made me more open-minded and respectful in my interactions with other people. In general, the COM 100 course gave me a good foundation in how to communicate effectively and made me understand how important it is to connect with other people and work together. Through different projects and activities, I've been able to put what I've learned in class to real-world situations. This has helped me improve as a communicator in both my personal and work life.

[dianight]

Spoilers

Mouthwashing is very ambitious. For a story like this, a videogame would not be my first choice of medium. A short movie, most likely. But. The way it combines gameplay elements for added impact (Jimmy's complaints being the "quests" so far, as an example) shows the work to play with and not around the limitations of a videogame.

Outside the ecography(?) and centipede(?) chase I think general design is pretty good toward guiding the player, I just got stuck for a few minutes very unsure on how to proceed, could be me. Another minor gripe is that the ending sequence is way too long perhaps, but I understand it as a deliberate choice to showcase Jimmy's final breakdown.

From what I'd seen about it I assumed that there was a catch/twist to give the story some teeth, but not exactly like that. I expected it to have more jumpscares and chase sequences, like the start and ending ones. Pleasantly surprised, in the way someone expects to find a coin that fell in a crevice and pulls out a 50€ note.

I was onto Jimmy from the moment they mention the horse bullshit. It's so obvious to me that I have to assume it's not meant to be, if that makes sense. The way he talked to Anya and the way he talks to Curly is just so clear if you know that type of dude. What kinda blew my mind and make me double check was that Curly knew, he knew and did nothing? But on second thought, yeag. They do DO that, right? Have each others backs, call it a mistake, talk about "fixing it". But what about Anya?

If I put myself in her situation I am killing them both and then who knows how Daisuke and Swansea would react to it. Obviously she won't really, she didn't do it. But imagine a year with that type of dude as a coworker, with 8 months left after that. And he dares doom everyone because of it. Genuine piece of shit. Imagine how Anya feels, traumatized in several ways and having to rely on this vile human to feed Curly medication now that he's captain.

Extremely well done portrayal of that type of dude. I will be optimistic and say that it's the little things that make Jimmy so hateable. The way Anya is not even important to him, the way he uses Daisuke and the hatred for Swansea and Curly that he can't hide at all dripping on almost every conversation he has with them. Insecure, selfimportant, blind to his every fault rapist.

Curly is not any better, because the power dynamics that enable Jimmy to literally get away with it are reinforced by those in positions of power refusing to do anything at all. The realization that he knew was brutal. He's the captain, the Captain with a Capital C, the oh so great Captain at the top of the ladder, with nowhere else to climb... and yet he's all friendly with a rapist, a rapist he has the power to put down forever. We should obviously not ignore the everpresent threat of the pony express looming over him and "forcing" him to be measured, but one should be the first to step up when in a position of power. Prioritizing your own well being and ignoring what vile shit your friend did cannot be excused, no matter the consequences. Because as the game shows, not acting ALSO had terrible consequences.

I feel sorry for Daisuke. While they berate him for not being experienced, coming from a rich family and generally fucking up; he does try to help and it's not like he can do much better, given the circumstances. I feel like his character is the weakest. As it is, he is just a tragic victim and little else, almost no agency at all. Perhaps we could look at how more experienced or more ambitious coworkers will treat newcomers, perhaps it is a commentary on those dynamics. If it is, any deeper meaning that it might have must have flown over my head. Poor kid.

I'd like to think that initially Swansea kept the pod for Daisuke. There is a brief mention during his last speech, but once he knew about Jimmy perhaps he might have the idea of letting Anya be the one(?). One can hope. I really liked how genuine he was in the end, how everything he worked for, his wife and children still could not compare to how happy he was just drinking around. Poor dude, but make no mistake in how the game portrays all of the men's relationships to women. They all, in one way or another, make disparaging comments about women. All of them. Even Daisuke, fantasizing about drinking with women (and puking over himself); perhaps there was hope for him, perhaps it is yet another commentary on how misogyny is something that gets taught, and so a younger character will have those seeds there nurtured by the older men, eventually causing real harm (Jimmy) or perhaps just not valuing the women in your life (Curly, Swansea). Perhaps I'm just overthinking and there's no such thing there, a trick of the light.

I consider Mouthwashing to be a story about Anya, about the horrors of being a woman in a male dominated space. About having your experiences dismissed, about having your abilities devalued, about being harassed and mocked and being powerless about it, about not having anyone on your side when you need it the most. She was so strong too. There was no hope for her, of course. It is a story about how men will cover for each other, about how they will make it (but only them), about how in the end, even a crippled and barely alive man still has hope, however small. She was so strong... There is something ironic, and in this case I fear unintentional on the writers, about how she is such an important character and yet we get very little of her. Maybe I'm way off the mark here and it's not a story about her, maybe all I was talking about is at best incidental. But she is pivotal to the story, and her lens is by far the most horrifying. And we play as the deranged rapist and her buddy who didn't lift a finger, while she cries and has to take care of the man who never had her back. She was so strong...

Played Mouthwashing.

[nevermindirah]

Do you have any thoughts on the use of AAVE for Nile (or lack thereof) in TOG fanfiction? I've been reading some Book of Nile fic and some writers seem to write her as a Millennial™ (using words like "fave" and "woke") but never acknowledge her Blackness in her patterns of speech. I know we don't see her use as much AAVE in the films, but I would argue she's in situations where code-switching would be valued (first in a "professional" environment in the army, then around a group of non-Black strangers).

Hi anon! I have many thoughts on this and I'm honored you asked me! But I should start by saying I'm white and any thoughts Black fans and especially Black American fans have on this that they want to share would be beyond lovely. (I'm not gonna tag anybody bc that feels rude but please add onto this post if any of y'all see this and want to!)

The main reason I personally avoid AAVE for Nile in my own fics is because I'm not Black. But Nile-centric fics by Black writers tend to avoid using much of it too, at least from what I've noticed/understood, and my guess is it's largely for the reason you mention, that she's in situations that encourage code-switching.

In movie canon Nile is highly competent at tailoring her language to each situation she finds herself in. This fantastic linguistics analysis meta shows how skillfully Nile chooses her vocabulary and grammar to meet her goals with different conversation partners in different contexts. In comics canon Nile had a bunch of different civilian jobs before joining the Marines, so she would've had experience code-switching in the ways that made sense for all those different contexts as well as the Marines and her family and high school and wherever else she spent her time before we met her. And now she's spending her time with a handful of immortals none of whom are native English speakers and a fellow Black American but one with a Queen's English UK accent whose professional experience is in the CIA where high-status code-switching is often an absolute must for success or even survival.

Fics featuring Nile are charged with extrapolating from that to how it might show up in her use of language that she's coping with a traumatic separation from her family and her career and pretty much everything she's ever known and now she needs to be able to make herself understood to people who seem to care about her and each other but are super duper in crisis, three (soon to be four) of whom predate Modern English entirely and the only one who's anywhere near her contemporary she's not supposed to talk to for a century. All of these people are telling her that pretty much any contact with any mortals poses an existential threat to her and the rest of the group. How the FUCK is she supposed to cope with that, like, generally? And would it be a more effective way for her to cope if she talked to Andy Joe and Nicky using the speech patterns that she used to use with her mom and brother, to at least retain that part of her identity even if it means having to do a lot of explaining, or would it meet her needs better to prioritize Andy Joe and Nicky understanding what she means with her words over using the particular words and grammar forms she used with her family?

I've seen several fics, both Nile-centric / BoN and otherwise, explore this a little bit in how/whether Nile uses Millennial™ speak. It's often a theme in Nile texting Booker despite the exile because of the popular headcanon that he as The Tech Guy is the only other immortal who understands memes. But Nile's much-younger-than-Booker mom probably uses Boomer and/or Gen X memes and Andy has been adapting to new communication styles for forever as evidenced by her canon high level of fluency with standard-American-accented English.

Which brings us back to people avoiding AAVE because they're not Black and they don't want to make mistakes (or they're not Black and they don't want to get yelled at for making mistakes, though I think many people overestimate how much they'll get yelled at while underestimating how much these mistakes can hurt). I can imagine some Black fans hold back from using much AAVE in fic because they don't want to share in-group stuff with white people who are likely to then adopt and ruin it, as white people so often do with Black cultural stuff. Some links about this including a great Khadija Mbowe video. I'm saying this gently, anon, because you might not know: woke, an example you cited as Millennial™ speak, is AAVE, and that's gotten erased by so many white people appropriating it and using it incorrectly online.

And also there's the part where fandom is a hobby and you never know when you're reading a fic that's the very first thing someone's ever written outside of a school assignment. This cultural considerations of language shit takes a level of effort and skill that not everybody puts into every fic, or even could if they wanted to because they haven't had time to build their skills yet. It's definitely easier for non-Black fans to project our millennial feels onto Nile than to do the layers of research and self-reflection it requires to depict what Blackness might mean to Nile, and it's not surprising that often people sharing their hobby creations on the internet have gone the easier route. There's not even necessarily shame in doing what's easier. It's just frustrating and often hurtful when structural white supremacy means that 3-dimensional Black characters are rare in media and thoughtful explorations of them in fandom are seen by the majority of fans as not-easy to make and therefore Nile Freeman, the main character in The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood, has the least fic and meta and art made about her of our 5 main immortals.

I've been active in different fandoms off and on for twenty years and I barely managed to write 5,000 words about Sam Wilson across multiple different fics in the 7 years since I fell in love with him. There's an alchemy to which characters we connect with, and on top of that which characters we connect with in a way that causes us to create stuff about them. Something about Nile Freeman finally tipped me over the edge from a voracious reader to a voracious writer. It's not for me to judge which characters speak to other individuals to the level of creating content about them, but I do think it's important for us to notice, and then work to fight, the pattern where across this fandom as a whole Nile gets way less content, and way less depth in so much of the content that's in theory about her, than any of these other characters.

Anyway, back to language. My two long fics feature Nile with several Black friends — Copley and OCs and cameos from other media — but all of those characters except Alec Hardison from Leverage aren't American. It's very possible I'm guilty of stereotyping Black British speech patterns in I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore. I watched hours and hours of Black haircare YouTube videos in the research for that fic and I modeled my OCs' speech patterns on what I heard from some of those YouTubers as well as what I've heard people like John Boyega and Idris Elba saying in interviews, but the thing about doing your best is you still might fuck up.

I'm slowly making progress on my WIP where Nile and Sam Wilson are cousins, and what ways of talking with a family member might be authentic for Nile is a major question I need to figure out. For that, I'm largely modeling my writing choices on how I hear my Black friends and colleagues talking to each other. I haven't overheard colleagues talking in an office in a long-ass time, but back when that was a thing, I remember seeing a ton of nuance in the different ways many of my Black colleagues would talk to each other. Different people have different personalities! And backgrounds! And priorities! A few jobs ago my department was about 1/3 Black and we worked closely with Obama administration staff many of whom were Black and there was SO MUCH VARIETY in how Black people talked to each other, about work and workplace-appropriate personal stuff, where I and other white coworkers could hear. There are a few work friends in particular who I have in my head when I'm trying to imagine how Sam and Nile might talk to each other. From the outside looking in, God DAMN is shit complicated, intellectually and interpersonally and spiritually, for Black people who are devoting their professional lives to public service in the United States.

One more aspect of this that I have big thoughts on but I need to take extra care in talking about is the idea of acknowledging Nile's Blackness in her patterns of speech. There's no one right way to be Black, and Nile's a fictional character created by a white dude but there are plenty of real-life Black Americans who don't use much or even any AAVE, for reasons that are complicated because of white supremacy. (Highly highly recommend this video by Shanspeare on the harms of the Oreo stereotype.)

Something that's not the same but has enough similarity that I think it's worth talking about is my personal experience with authenticity and American Jewish speech patterns. My Jewish family members don't talk like they're in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, and I've known lots of people who do talk that way (or the millennial version of it), some of whom have questioned my Jewishness because I don't talk that way. That hurts me. Sometimes when another Jew tells me some shit like "I've never heard a Jew say y'all'd've," I can respond with "well now you have asshole, bless your Yankee-ass heart," because the myth of Dixie is a racist lie but I will totally call white Northerners Yankees when they're being shitty to me for being Southern, and this particular Jew fucking revels in using "bless your heart" with maximum polite aggression, especially with said Yankees. But sometimes I don't have it in me to say anything and it just quietly hurts having an important part of me disbelieved by someone who shares that important part of me. The sting isn't quite the same when non-Jews disbelieve or discount my Jewishness, but that hurts too.

Who counts as authentically Jewish is a messy in-group conversation and it doesn't really make sense to explain it all here. Who counts as authentically Jewish is a matter of legal status for immigration, citizenship, and civil rights in Israel, and it's my number 2 reason after horrific treatment of Palestinians that I'm antizionist. But outside that extremely high-stakes legal situation, it can just feel really shitty to not be recognized as One Of Us, especially by your own people.

It can also feel really shitty to be The Only One of Your Kind in a group, even if that group is an immortal chosen family who all loves each other dearly. Sometimes especially in a situation like that where you know those people love you but there are certain things they don't get about you and will never quite be able to. I'm definitely projecting at least a little bit of my "lonely Jew who will be alone again for yet another Jewish holiday" stuff onto Nile when at the end of I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore she's thinking about being the only Black immortal and moving away from the community she'd built with a mostly-Black group of mortals in that fic. Maybe that tracks, or maybe that's fucked up of me.

Basically, this got very long but it's complicated, writing about experiences that aren't your own takes skill which in turn takes time and practice to build, writing about experiences not your own that our society maligns can cause a lot of harm if done badly, it can also cause a lot of harm when a large enough portion of a fandom just decides to nope out of something that's difficult and risky because then there's just not much content about a character who deserves just a shit ton of loving and nuanced content, people are individuals and two people who come from the exact same cultural context might show that influence in all kinds of different ways, identity is complicated, language is complicated, writing is hard, and empathy and humility and doing our best aren't a guarantee of avoiding harm but they do go a long way in helping people create thoughtful content about a character as awesome and powerful and kind and messy and scared and curious and WORTHY as Nile Freeman.

[studyguidepro]

Why are Tenses Important in English Language? Know the Reason

You should always keep in mind that English is a chronological language. English speakers simply always need to know when some action or event took place. Chronology, or events and dates set in order of their happening, is expressed by English speakers through verb tenses. Each tense indicates the connection between two or more time periods or the exact time an activity occurred, which underlines the importance of English grammar tenses. They can be used to create different meanings from the same verbs and help to anchor the listener understand the meaning behind your story. Thus, English has a lot of verb tenses with some expressing a connection between two time periods whereas others indicate the exact timing of an activity. Further, the depth of the English tenses should never be underestimated. We can, indeed, express very different things when simply changing the tense; or even use tenses as rhetorical devices to stress whether we strongly believe a project "is going to succeed" or simply express that we "will see" if a project "will succeed".

Some languages do not put as much emphasis on tenses and the chronological order of events and actions. Instead, they stress (hierarchical) relationships between the people involved in the events and actions that are being described by the speaker/narrator. Japanese is one example for a language that puts much more emphasis on relationships. Thus, English learners whose first language is Japanese need to pay extra attention to the tenses in English and should work with visualization aids to move English tenses from the rather abstract realm of textbooks to a much more tangible and understandable medium. For example, why not take a wooden box and imagine that the past tenses need to placed within that box to symbolize how they describe events and actions that started and were completed in the past. This method works for tactile and visual learners alike.

If you’re still wondering why verb tenses are important, then let’s walk through the different types of tenses and how they can be used to effectively communicate with other people. After all, the goal of this post is to understand the important verb tenses that will help you in businesses and daily life.

Where does the word ‘tense’ come from?

Understanding where words come from will help you remember why they’re important. You can quickly recall the value of a verb tense by memorizing that it comes from the Latin word tempus, meaning time. With the English verb tense lists below, you’ll be able to quickly understand how to communicate about different events in time.

Four Main Types of Verb Tenses

Past Tense

Present Tense

Future Tense

Perfect Tense

Four Forms of Verb Tenses

Simple Progressive/Continuous

More About the Different Types of Verb Tenses

The four main types of verb tenses and two forms can be used in a variety of combinations to create unique meanings. With so many options, it can be hard to determine what type of verb tense to use at the appropriate time. Below, you’ll find definitions of the different verb tenses and examples to help you understand how these could be used in your daily life.

Simple Form Verb Tenses

You can think of simple verb tenses as the building block of all other forms. In English grammar, simple form verb tenses do not have an auxiliary verb in affirmative sentences, which you’ll find in other forms. Below, you’ll find examples of simple present, past, and future phrases that you can use in conversation.

Simple Present Tense – Definition & Examples

The present tense can be used in two ways: to express a recurring action and to represent a common belief. Below, you’ll find an example of how the present tense is used in each of these instances.

Example 1: The tallest buildings are on 42nd and E Street.

Example 2: On warm days, the students run home from the park.

Example 3: Plants process carbon dioxide through photosynthesis.

Simple Past Tense – Definition & Examples

If you’re talking with a friend or a coworker and you want to explain that you started and finished an activity in the past, then you’d want to use a simple past tense verb. Regular past tense verbs end with -ed, but you’ll also find irregular past tense verbs where the spelling of the root word changes.

Example 1: We jumped off the diving board and into the pool.

Example 2: We drove through the night to make it home after the party.

Simple Future Tense - Definition & Examples

In its simple form, the future tense signifies something that is going to happen in the future. You can identify or use the simple future tense by using will or shall (note: The latter is far less common than will). Aside from will and shall, you can also express the simple future tense with am, is, are + base verb + ing, going to, and the simple present.

Example 1: My team will finish the report on Friday.

Example 2: We’re going to the mall on Saturday to find new clothes before the concert.

Example 3: The race starts early in the morning before the sun rises.

Perfect Verb Tenses

Not all events are clearly situated within a time frame, which is to say that some events happen at an indefinite time. Do you remember the specific time you drank coffee today? Probably not, because it stretched out over an indefinite period of time in the past. Perfect verb forms also apply to past and future tenses, where an event took place before another or will be completed in the future before another action.

Present Perfect Tense - Definition & Example

Communicating events with indiscrete times can be tricky in English. The present perfect tense is supposed to make this easier. If you want to explain an event that happened at an indefinite time in the past or that began in the past and continues into the present, then I’ve put together a few examples below. These will help you understand the basic rule of the present perfect.

Example 1: My friends have seen the movie so many times, they lost count.

Example 2: People have gathered together to celebrate each other’s birthdays for hundreds, if not thousands, of years.

Past Perfect Tense - Definition & Example

If you’re talking about multiple events that happened in the past, then the past perfect tense will be useful for you. This verb tense allows you to discuss or write about an event that took place in the past, but before another past action.

Example 1: All the cars had parked alongside the road to watch the meteor shower.

Future Perfect Tense - Definition & Example

Just like you can discuss the relationship between two events in the past, you can also do so for those occurring in the future. The future perfect tense describes an event that will occur before another in the future. You can identify future perfect tense verbs because they’ll use the phrase, will have with a past participle.

Example 3: When I finally visit Japan, I will have traveled to every country.

Progressive Verb Tenses

If you want to signify something that is ongoing or discuss two events that overlapped in time, then the progressive verb tense is the best option to use. Both in writing and conversation, progressive forms help to show the duration of an event rather than just stating that it occurs, occurred, or will occur.

Present Progressive Tense - Definition & Examples

Often times, it’s useful to explain that an occurrence is happening at the same time of your explanation or writing. In English, the verb tense you would use to show that an action is happening at the same time of the explanation is called the present progressive form. Typically, speakers and writers use a verb ending in -ing alongside am, is, or are to create a present progressive form.

Example 1: The students are studying for their exams for the next few weeks.

Example 2: The children are eating their breakfast before our hike today.

Example 3: I am finding a way to go to the festival this year!

Past Progressive Tense - Definition & Example

Aside from using a progressive verb tense to show that an event is occurring at the time of the statement, they’re also used when talking about events that happened in the past. A past progressive tense can be used to show an action that was happening at the same time as another in the past. These past tense progressive verbs are typically used with was or were and also end in -ing.

Example 1: Our friends were eating breakfast at our house when we got the news our family just landed in Chicago for a surprise visit.

Example 2: I was sitting in the lobby when the clock struck midnight.

Future Progressive Tense - Definition & Example

Like the other forms, the future progressive tense also uses verbs that end in -ing along with will be/shall be, and am/is/are + going to be. This tense is most commonly used in conversation and when writing to describe a future event that will be ongoing.

Example 1: My friends will be spending some time with us next Saturday.

Example 2: I am going to be waiting for you in the lobby of the hotel.

Perfect Progressive Forms

Aside from showing an event at a certain period of time or the relationship between two past or future events, there is one more option you have when discussing the time between events. A perfect progressive form allows you to explain an event that happened in the past, is occurring in the present, and may occur in the future. In other words, you can use this when trying to explain a project you started last week but you won’t finish until the next.

Present Perfect Progressive Tense - Definition & Examples

When making project updates, or trying to explain when you’re going on vacation, you might need to use the present perfect progressive tense. This verb tense describes an event or action that started in the past, continues in the present, and may continue into the future. This form is created by using has or have been and a verb ending in -ing.

Example 1: For the past two weeks, the team members have been debating who will be the next team campaign leader.

Past Perfect Progressive Tense - Definition & Examples

If you’d like to communicate with depth, then you can use the past perfect progressive tense. Trust me, it sounds more complicated than it is in practice. Put simply, this verb tense gives you the ability to talk about a past action that was ongoing and completed before another past action occurred.

Example 1: We had been baking for the holidays when we heard our friends knock at the door.

Future Perfect Progressive Tense - Definition & Examples

Especially when talking business, the future perfect progressive tense is helpful for communicating with others. If you need to explain the expectations one or two quarters out, then you can do so by communicating or writing with this verb tense. The future perfect progressive tense describes an event in the future that is ongoing, but occurs before an arbitrarily specified time. You can create this form by using will have been and a verb ending in -ing.

Examples: By the end of the century, we will have been using the internet for over forty years.

There you go — now that you know the different types and forms of verb tenses you can start to practice communicating about time with people. Challenge yourself with one of these verb tenses a week to try to improve your fluency. At the end of the week, write down the different phrases you used and keep an ongoing journal to commit them to memory.

[allthecanadianpolitics]

Punch Up Collective

Upcoming Radical Events in Ottawa

Event Listings: Monday, September 27 – Sunday, October 3, 2021

This is the most recent compilation from the Radical Events Ottawa (REO) List. The REO List is a public announcement list for radical events, meetings, protests, and other activities in Ottawa, Ontario, on unceded Algonquin territory. The Punch Up Collective collects submissions and produces this curated weekly compilation of upcoming activities.

Due to COVID-19, we’ve expanded the list of events we would typically include to feature more online activities and actions, including some that are not specific solely to the Ottawa area. 

Would you like to see your event included in the next REO list? Submit it through this form by the Friday before! Find out more about our submission guidelines and how to subscribe or unsubscribe here.

CONTENTS

Possible Futures: Rad Frosh – September 24 – October 3

A Short History of Prisons Designated for Women – Tuesday, September 28, 6:00PM

National Day for Truth and Reconciliation/ Journée nationale de la vérité et de la réconciliation – Thursday, September 30, 8:30AM

Suffer the Little Children: Tamara Starblanket on genocide, Indigenous Nations & the Canadian State – Thursday, September 30, 7:00-8:30PM

Families of Sisters in Spirit Vigil 2021 ~ In Memory of Gladys Tolley ~ 20th anniversary – Monday, October 4, at 4:30PM

What does the murder of activist Mariano Abarca-México say about Canadian government accountability? – Tuesday, October 5, 3:00PM

DETAILS

1. Possible Futures: Rad Frosh – September 24 – October 3

Online

Hosted by: OPIRG Carleton, Graduate Students Association, Carleton Equity Services

What does it look like to radically re-imagine a world that is different from the one we live in, and how do we get there? 

Possible Futures: OPIRG Carleton Rad Frosh encourages incoming students, and community members to stretch our imaginations and conceptions of what is possible – hoping to ground the social and political actions of today in our goals for the future.

We are presenting over a week of programming, predominantly coming from the minds of community members and students. Join us for talks, workshops, and events from September 24th to October 3rd.

Talks and panels will be streamed live on Facebook and YouTube, and workshops will held on zoom. Ensure that you register for workshops using the Eventbrite link below:

https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/possible-futures-opirg-carleton-rad-frosh-tickets-170453456878

*OPIRG-Carleton works and operates on unceded and unsurrendered Algonquin/ Anishinaabe territory. However, we recognize that our online operation has expanded our reach and the land that our community extends to. We encourage you to find out on which land you have settled or arrived.

2. A Short History of Prisons Designated for Women – Tuesday, September 28, 6:00PM

Online

Hosted by The Simone de Beauvoir Institute and Nathalie Batraville

“A Short History of Prisons Designated for Women” with Johanne Wendy Bariteau

Online public lecture organized by Dr. Nathalie Batraville in the context of “WSDB498: Ending Sexual Violence” but open to all.

Register in advance for this meeting: https://concordia-ca.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZ0qc–qqTouEtGrTsXg-NbmMQ5zhetNQZKH

After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the meeting.

About Wendy:

Johanne Wendy Bariteau has a deep interest in and understanding of the criminal justice system, specifically the carceral system and its impacts on folks in federal prisons designated for women.

To that end she has worked for several organizations involved in supporting folks who are incarcerated and formerly incarcerated across Canada. In BC she was a board member of the West Coast Prison Legal Services and volunteered for BCCLA and is a member of the grassroots organizations Joint Effort, a women’s prisoner support group.

She also helps with Prisoner Justice Day Committee to organize public education events and Prison Justice Network. She is now the regional coordinator for Ontario and Québec at the Canadian Association of Elizabeth Fry societies. She is also involved with other organizations, for example Anti Carceral Group and the Abolition Coalition. Working in multiple regions has given her an appreciation for the federal carceral system and how it plays out in regional contexts.

She has been interacting with students at various universities where she has been asked to lecture on the carceral system. For example, she lectured for the faculty of law at the University of British Columbia, for the Women’s and Gender studies department at Capilano University, and for the criminology department at Kwantlen Polytechnic University. Her education and training contribute to he understanding of the criminal justice system: in July 2020 she completed her Gladue Report Writing certificate with Indigenous Perspectives Society and Royal Roads University; in August 2019 she completed her Paralegal Diploma.

3. National Day for Truth and Reconciliation/ Journée nationale de la vérité et de la réconciliation – Thursday, September 30, 8:30AM

Parliament Hill

Hosted by PSAC National Capital Region | Région de la capitale nationale de l’AFPC

September 30 is the National Day for Truth and Reconciliation, a new federal statutory holiday that came from one of the 94 Calls to Action by the Truth and Reconciliation Commission of Canada. For the past few years, it’s also been commemorated as Orange Shirt Day.

All federal public service workers and many workers in federally regulated sectors have the day off to provide an opportunity “to recognize and commemorate the legacy of residential schools. This may present itself as a day of quiet reflection or participation in a community event.”

PSAC-NCR is organizing a delegation to attend a ceremony at Parliament Hill, followed by a Spirit Walk to Confederation Park where there will be presentations, music, art, and more. Check out the details of the event here: https://remember-me-september-30.org/

We will meet up in the parking lot of PSAC (233 Gilmour) at 8:30 a.m. and depart at 8:45 a.m. to walk together to Parliament Hill for 9:00 a.m. We will also have a limited supply of orange shirts to give out in the parking lot so arrive early for a shirt! Limited parking space will be available. There are parking lots and street parking nearby. Event organizers have asked attendees to practice social distancing. Mask-wearing is mandatory and vaccinations are recommended in order to protect the safety of Elders and residential school survivors in attendance.

Don’t forget to dress for the weather and bring a water bottle!

Let’s make sure to kick off the first National Day for Truth and Reconciliation by bringing ourselves to the task and showing up, in whichever ways we can, to honour the survivors of residential schools, mourn the children who never made it home, and work towards truth and reconciliation not just this day but around the year.

Please share this event with family, friends, and your coworkers!

///

Le 30 septembre est la Journée nationale de la vérité et de la réconciliation, un nouveau jour de congé statutaire fédéral qui découle de l’un des 94 appels à l’action de la Commission de vérité et de réconciliation du Canada. Depuis quelques années, elle est aussi commémorée comme la journée de la chemise orange.

Tous les fonctionnaires fédéraux et de nombreux travailleuses et travailleurs des secteurs réglementés par le gouvernement fédéral ont droit à ce jour de congé afin d’avoir l’occasion de ” reconnaître et de commémorer les séquelles des pensionnats. Ils peuvent en profiter pour réfléchir calmement ou pour participer à un événement communautaire.”

L’AFPC-RCN organise une délégation qui assistera à une cérémonie sur la colline du Parlement, suivie d’une marche spirituelle jusqu’au parc de la Confédération où il y aura des présentations, de la musique, de l’art et plus encore. Consultez les détails de l’événement ici : https://remember-me-september-30.org/ (disponible en anglais seulement).

Nous nous rassemblerons dans le stationnement de l’AFPC (233, rue Gilmour) à 8 h 30 et partirons à 8 h 45 pour marcher ensemble jusqu’à la colline du Parlement à 9 h. Nous aurons également un nombre limité de t-shirts orange à distribuer dans le stationnement, alors arrivez tôt pour en obtenir un! Un nombre limité de places de stationnement sera disponible. Il y a des parcs de stationnement et du stationnement dans la rue à proximité.

Les organisateurs de l’événement ont demandé aux participants de pratiquer la distanciation sociale. Le port du masque est obligatoire et la vaccination est recommandée afin de protéger la sécurité des aînés et des survivants des pensionnats qui seront présents.

N’oubliez pas de vous habiller pour le temps et d’apporter une bouteille d’eau!

Assurons-nous de donner le coup d’envoi de la première Journée nationale de la vérité et de la réconciliation en nous mettant à la tâche et en nous montrant, de toutes les façons possibles, pour honorer les survivants des pensionnats, faire le deuil des enfants qui ne sont jamais rentrés chez eux et travailler à la vérité et à la réconciliation, non seulement ce jour-là mais tout au long de l’année.

Partagez cet événement avec vos proches et vos collègues de travail!

4. Suffer the Little Children: Tamara Starblanket on genocide, Indigenous Nations & the Canadian State – Thursday, September 30, 7:00-8:30PM

Online

Join us on Truth and Reconciliation Day for an online conversation with legal scholar Tamara Starblanket on genocide, Indigenous Nations and the Canadian state. Hosted by Ketty Nivyabandi, Secretary General of Amnesty International Canada (English speaking Branch), and Octopus Books.

LINK TO REGISTER: https://us06web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_oSE3Bv7HSYyAZbCiCU4QPg

ASL interpretation will be available. Participants are also invited to advise of any accessibility needs when they register. 

Many settler Canadians have expressed shock at the findings of ground penetrating radar at the sites of former residential schools across the country, which have revealed the remains of thousands of Indigenous children kidnapped by the colonial state from their homes and families and Nations. These horrifying “discoveries” are already known to Indigenous Nations attempting for years to get justice.

Justice as defined by the Canadian and international legal systems is far from adequate. Tamara Starblanket carefully prepared her master’s thesis on this issue, which became the book Suffer the Little Children: Genocide, Indigenous Nations, and the Canadian State (Clarity Press, 2018). Available from Octopus Books: https://octopusbooks.ca/shop?keyword=9780998694771

This powerful work turns the western legal system against itself despite the shortfalls of legal recourse that were founded in colonialism and imperialism. Yet, her work does demonstrate the Canadian state is culpable for genocide and violates international customary law. It explains in detail how the crime of genocide was conceptualized following World War 2 by the international community, how colonial countries, including Canada, sought to shield themselves against possible prosecution and sidestep the link between cultural genocide and colonialism.

Tamara Starblanket is Spider Woman, a Nehiyaw iskwew (Cree woman) from Ahtahkakoop First Nation in Treaty Six. Tamara holds an LLM (Master of Laws) from the University of Saskatchewan, and an LLB from the University of British Columbia. She is the Dean of Academics at Native Education College on the unceded lands of the xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Sḵwx̱wú7mesh (Squamish), Səl̓ílwətaʔ/Selilwitulh (Tsleil-Waututh) Nations or what is commonly referred to as Vancouver, BC. Starblanket is the recipient of the 2020 Nora and Ted Sterling Prize in Support of Controversy for her book Suffer the Little Children: Genocide, Indigenous Nations and the Canadian State.

More info: https://amnesty.ca/what-you-can-do/events/#event=67793783;instance=20210930190000

5. Families of Sisters in Spirit Vigil 2021 ~ In Memory of Gladys Tolley ~ 20th anniversary – Monday, October 4, at 4:30PM

Vincent Massey Park

Hosted by Families of Sisters in Spirit

Honor & remember all Missing/Murdered Indigenous WGT2S.

Honor & remember all Missing/Murdered Residential School Children.

20th Anniversary of Gladys Tolley – MOM 

In Memory of Aileen Joseph 

6. What does the murder of activist Mariano Abarca-México say about Canadian government accountability? – Tuesday, October 5, 3:00PM

Online

Hosted by MiningWatch Canada, Institute for Policy Studies, Projet Accompagnement Québec-Guatemala, GRITE UOttawa Territoires de l’extractivisme, and Canadian Foreign Policy Institute

ROUNDTABLE: Does the government have the right to deceive the public?

What does the murder of activist Mariano Abarca in Chiapas, México say about Canadian government accountability?

DATE: Tuesday, Oct 5, 2021

TIME: 12 pm PST / 3 pm EST

Platform: Zoom and Facebook live 

This event will be in English and Spanish; if you need interpretation REGISTER HERE (FOR FREE!): https://bit.ly/3hCLBbN

WITH:

Moderator: Bianca Mugyenyi, Director, Canadian Foreign Policy Institute 

First hour: Economic Diplomacy

* Representative of the Abarca family from Chicomuselo, Chiapas, Mexico

* Charis Kamphuis, Justice and Corporate Accountability Project

* Jen Moore, Global Economy Program, Institute for Policy Studies

* Nicholas Pope, Lawyer on the case, Hameed Law, Ottawa

Second hour: Approaches to Enforcement

Reflections of expert panel

* Ketty Nivyabandi, Secretary-General, Amnesty International Canada

* Representative of Canadian Lawyers for International Human Rights

* David Yazbek, Lawyer, Centre for Freedom of Expression

Reflections of Soledad García Muñoz, IACHR Special Rapporteur on Economic, Social, Cultural, and Environmental Rights

On November 27, 2009, Mariano Abarca was shot and killed in front of his family restaurant in Chicomuselo, Chiapas, in southern Mexico. Abarca had been a key leader in his community’s fight against the social and environmental impacts of a Canadian company’s mining operations. All of the suspects in his murder were connected to the Calgary-based company, Blackfire Exploration. There never has been a full, impartial investigation neither in Mexico nor in Canada.

This case has been brought to Canada because documents obtained through Access to Information show that the Canadian Embassy in Mexico supported Blackfire extensively in the lead up to and following the murder of Mariano Abarca. Embassy officials, the family’s lawyers argue, are implicated in his death. In February 2018, Canadian and Mexican organizations asked the Public Sector Integrity Commissioner (PSIC) to investigate the acts and omissions of the Canadian Embassy in Mexico that they believe contributed to putting Mr. Abarca’s life in danger.

The Commissioner refused to commence an investigation in April 2018, and the matter is now before the Federal Court of Appeal. The Federal Court upheld his decision, which is now before the Federal Court of Appeal. We are currently awaiting a hearing date, which could be announced at any time. This is the family’s final recourse to seek justice in Canada.

As such, this roundtable will discuss Canadian practice when it comes to embassies abroad and conflicts over Canadian mining operations, asking whether Mariano’s case is the pattern or an exception. We will also explore what policy Canadian officials should be expected to follow in such cases, and how Canada’s human rights obligations are fulfilled. Finally, do we have any way to hold public officials to account when things go wrong as they did for Mariano? And if not, what needs to change?

CO-SPONSORS:

– Amnesty International-Canada

– Americas Policy Group (APG)

– Canadian Foreign Policy Institute (CFPI)

– Canadian Network on Corporate Accountability (CNCA)

-Canadian Union of Public Employees (CUPE)

-Centre international de solidarité ouvrière (CISO)

– Committee for Human Rights in Latin America (CDHAL)

– Common Frontiers

– Human Rights Research and Education Centre – University of Ottawa

– Institute for Policy Studies (IPS) – Global Economy Program

– Interdisciplinary Research Group on the Territories of Extractivism (GRITE)

– Inter Pares

– KAIROS: Canadian Ecumenical Justice Initiatives

– Mining Justice Action Committee (MJAC)- Victoria

– MiningWatch Canada

– People’s Health Movement – Canada- Extractives working group

– Projet Accompagnement Québec-Guatemala (PAQG)

– Public Service Alliance of Canada (PSAC) Social Justice Fund – Rights Action

– Steelworkers Humanity Fund

Posted to punch up collective dot org

[csykora]

A thought about meaningful change

I don’t want to distract from the most recent thing Benn did. I’m going to be talking about several different things, and some might seem smaller than others: I know. I’m not saying that the newest thing isn’t important enough on its own or that everything’s on the same level. But I think patterns can be useful.

(I have also made myself sick with nerves a couple times so I’m posting this as is: sorry for typos, and while I’ll stand behind my ideas there may be some sentences that are a little long or awkwardly worded).

Back in 2015, Jame Benn and Tyler Seguin were doing a radio interview.

Some of you might be thinking, “You want to talk about THIS, AGAIN?” Yes. More of you are probably thinking, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Yeah, that’s what I want to talk about.

cw for discussions of sexual harassment, incest, homophobia, bullying, misogyny and transmisogyny, transphobia

So during this interview, one of the radio hosts asked Benn if he and his brother were ever road roommates. Benn said no, and the host commented that Henrik and Daniel Sedin probably roomed together.

“Well yeah…that’s the Sedins,” Seguin said.

“Who knows what else they do together?" Benn said. Everyone laughed.

“Seriously,” Seguin said.

"Dude, it's creepy," the radio hosts said, "In fact, it's a good example to future brothers in the NHL on how not to do things." Then they reassured Benn, “In no way am I implying that you have a Sedin-type vibe going about you.”

Benn and Seguin laughed. The conversation continued, calling the Sedins creepy for wearing similar facial hair, leaving nearby and spending too much time together.

When asked pointblank, “Are the Sedins weird?” Benn answered, “I don’t know. I can’t say.”

To finish the sentence he didn’t: he was implying that the Sedin brothers fuck each other.

Now, these were shock jockeys. They were almost certainly hoping Benn and Seguin would say something homophobic. That said, even shock jockeys pre-screen an interview. They’re not going to invite just anyone on the air and try this with them, because all it takes is someone saying, “I don’t know what you mean,” or “No, I actually respect Dan and Henke a lot as my colleagues” to ruin that set up. If a shock jockey thinks you’re a mark, you’ve probably said something off-air that made them think you’re a mark. And if they dug a pit in front of him, Benn is still the one who decided to stick his dick in it and make things overtly sexual.

After, the Stars stated that Benn had “reached out” the Sedins to apologize. Seguin did not reach out but was “included” in whatever Benn wrote or said. Neither of them gave a public explanation or apology. As far as I can tell the Sedins never commented on whether they received that message, what sort of apology it was, or whether they accepted it. Henrik Sedin’s only comment was, “I think it says more about them than it does about us.”

Ways that homophobia is working here:

-the idea that two men having any degree of physical or emotional closeness, even family members, is suspicious.

-Benn roomed with his brother. Course he did. The hosts spell out what he was afraid of: that the other men in the room might think he had the wrong vibe. He was so afraid of them thinking he had unmanly vulnerabilities like liking his own brother that he misrepresented the situation and pushed someone else forward.

-the idea that a man having any relationship to another man’s physical body or appearance, is suspicious.

Dressing or looking too similar to another man—which means you’ve paid attention to how another man’s body looks in order to copy him, like you’re trying to take ownership of his body, which = fucking him—is a really common accusation. Gay men are seen as lusting after and trying to copy other men’s real masculinity for themselves (but of course never quite succeeding). A man thinking that another man who he knows or suspects to be gay looks too similar to him, and so must have been watching and ‘copying’ him, is a common spark for homophobic attacks.

-the idea that any of this could have been a joke depends on the idea that two men having sex is wacky and unrealistic. Imagine if that happened, wouldn’t that be weird.

Now, someone might say, “It’s not that gay sex is wacky, it’s that the incest that is!” First, incest accounts for a lot of childhood sexual abuse, so I wouldn’t say it’s wacky either. And while it’s true that people can say awful things to different gender twins as well out of a combination of gender prejudices, in this case there were also homophobic ideas about men and masculinity at play.

Ways that power is working here:

-People forgot this fast. It was treated as settled because the Stars said it was settled. People gave “kudos” to Benn “doing the right thing” afterward, or for seeming to realize what was happening and not saying yes to the final question.

 I would argue that “I don’t know, I can’t say” is somehow a worse answer to a yes-or-no question, because it means that either you want to say yes but you’re scared of the consequences, or you sincerely don’t know what to say. All he had to do was say “No.” After he said “I don’t know,” Seguin continued and said, “They are weird.” If Benn had said, “No, actually they’ve been professional when I’ve worked with them and I won’t comment any more on their personal life,” Sequin might have noticed, and Benn might have encouraged him to change his behavior. Not saying “no” was a direct, demonstrable failure to show any kind of leadership.

-This counts as workplace sexual harassment. I’m not saying a case should have been pursued: that should have been at least partly up to the Sedins (although there should also be workplace rules about what is and isn’t acceptable without the victims having to ask for it). But that’s a word we can use for this, this could have been counted as that. Sexual harassment are actions based on a person’s gender, assigned sex, sexual activity, or other qualities related to sex, not just sexual attraction. I worry that often, conflicted feelings about putting people into the category of “Sexual Harasser” lead people to think that actions “aren’t bad enough” to be sexual harassment when they definitionally can be. In other lines of work, if you talk about your coworkers fucking their twins in the office, there are rules about that: at the very least, you’ll be getting a bunch of trainings and be moved to a part of the office where you won’t see them again.

In the NHL, it seems frighteningly clear that people don’t have recourse for sexual harassment. This was discussed and handled as a “childish insult”, not harassment against two coworkers/employees. Often, there’s a logic that something is just an insult, not a ‘real’ threat, because the person who did it couldn’t possibly be sexually attracted to the person they did it to.

-In 2015 Eric and Jordan Staal were living in identical houses outside Raleigh and ‘playing’ together every night. Seems super suspicious. Unless beefy Canadian boys’ behavior is normal, and European masculinity always has to be questioned as being softer-spoken, slimmer, more intellectual, scared of heavy hitting. There are a lot of reasons you might not call Eric Staal gay—maybe you know he’s bigger than you, more successful on Team Canada than you, more popular with the other Team Canada guys than you. Or maybe you just don’t look at him and think he could be gay. Or both. Eric is positioned so you’d have to punch up at him: Benn tried to position himself closer to that kind of social standing, by pushing someone else who already doesn’t quite fit in further out. This isn’t directly in the words, so I’m not all-out accusing them of xenophobia: what I mean is that it’s always worth asking if and how and why feminization is applied to Those Other People.

There’s the eating out thing. Which he sent to teammate Jason Demers, commenting “I feel like your (sic) the kind of guy who would”.

How misogyny is working here:

-the idea that this could have been funny or interesting or worth saying at all depends on the idea that vulvas are weird. Imagine if someone willing touched a cis woman with anything but their dick. Gosh.

-There’s no good explanation for what ‘the kind of guy who would’ was meant to mean. No one says, ‘Hey, do you do this widely mocked sex act? I don’t, but I think you would, and that’s cool and doesn’t affect your masculinity at all, bro, life is a rich tapestry.’

How power is working here:

-This counts as sexual harassment again. Even if asking a coworker (or really more like someone you shift-manage or who reports to you) ‘how do you fuck your partner?’ wasn’t, saying ‘you seem like you would do ___’ is. Again, I’m not saying that Demers has to feel that way about it, but he should have had options.

-Demers was also in a new relationship at the time, so this could be harassment to both him and his partner, who had no recourse when someone her partner has to work with/for comments on her body.

-I don’t think it was intended as sexual harassment. But there’s not really a nice explanation of what he meant to say. It seems like it was intended as an insult or a ‘warning’: ‘this is the way men are allowed and no allowed to be in our group, do you know your place?’

Around that time, the Stars shared a video of Benn, Seguin, and Valeri Nichushkin. Each were supposed to say a couple lines, including their name. Valeri pronounced his nickname ‘Vall’, with a native Russian accent, more like “Wall” in English. Each time Benn and Seguin laughed and questions him and the producer cut. After a couple takes Benn said, “I thought your name was ‘Val.’” 

Sequin physically turned away from Nichushkin and laughed. Nichushkin, not understanding the comment, and not laughing, turned to Benn for an explanation, but Benn only turned toward Seguin, both continuing to laugh.

It was part of a pattern of comments from observers: “If Tyler Seguin and Jamie Benn are having a laugh in the locker room, Nichushkin can only guess what’s so funny.” They themselves commented on how “His English is really not good at all…A lot of times we find him just sitting there.” “(In) normal conversations, he doesn’t really know what’s going on.”

I’ll give them credit—they said they felt pity and “try to help” too. I just can’t find any examples of them doing it, compared to teammates like Sharp or Spezza who can more concretely describe spending time with him.

Nichushkin chose to burn contract time in the KHL rather than Dallas before being bought out, expressing that he no longer felt like he “belonged in the NHL.” He felt that the Stars didn’t “trust” in him, was “nervous” in the locker room, and said his family worried for his mental health because of the culture.

“There is a bit of it because I want to be part of the conversation when someone says something,” Nichushkin said. “But I don’t have enough words I know so I can join in.”

-Is it the worst xenophobia in the world? Nah. It’s not free from xenophobia, when the only joke is that someone speaks differently than you. It’s not Benn joking about his own misunderstanding to invite Nichushkin in. I often point to Tripp Tracy, who asks players to teach him words in their language and then sets up jokes about his accent so they can deliver the punchline and laugh with him.

-Is it bullying? It kind of came off like it, to make a joke about someone you know can’t understand. At least it was unnecessary, and unkind. It’s just reminding someone they don’t belong.

-It’s unimpressive. It’s deflecting. Oh, he doesn’t know what’s going on? What did you do to tell to him? My family communicate through a mix of finger-signing, Scrabble tiles, and interpretive dance: I guarantee you, if you can’t communicate concepts like “we’re going to get dinner now, you’re welcome here, we’re having fun!”, you’re not trying. Which is fine, I guess, you don’t have to talk to people, unless it’s like, your job to work with your teammates.

Wanting to ban trans*feminine athletes from competition is based on a complete misunderstanding of math, medicine, and athletics; it’s unnecessary, unethical, and unkind.

It’s an unsurprising continuation of the ideas that there’s a line between men and women and transgressing it is suspicious, that women are gross, that people who are different are shocking and funny, that social pressure can and should be used to remind people who are different that they don’t belong.

It’s a fascist use of power, which I don’t say to mean that “He is A Fascist in every sense,” but that those beliesf express a desire and a comfort with using power to control other people’s bodies, and which bodies have access to certain spaces, to maintain “purity”.

I’m not saying that anyone should have looked at any of these things and easily decided in that moment, “That’s it, he’s shouldn’t have a platform or power over other players, he’s irredeemable.” You might look at a couple of them and think, “That’s not even a problem at all.” I’ll agree to disagree on some of them, but my point is about a pattern of how this dude uses the power he’s given.

I have a phrase, or more a series of words I sometimes yell when I’m talking about subjects like this—“STRUCK A TIM HORTONS.” I shout this in commemoration of the time that Ryan O’Reilly got drunk and drove his pickup into the wall of a small town Ontario Timmies.

“Struck a Tim Hortons” is a very good phrase to read in a police report. And, also, I’m an ACoA. I’ve experienced impaired driving, I’m terrified to shaking of it, and I know that other people have experienced much worse consequences. This isn’t a perfect metaphor (it’s not an example of prejudice or violence against a class of people, etc) but my point is that I try to hold it in my heart because that’s one case where I know what it’s like to really, really want something to just be NBD. Where part of me wants to just think it was a funny mistake so I don’t have to really think about the serious implications of it, and part of me super doesn’t. I have an instinct to resolve those feelings, to come down and decide that it’s either insignificant enough that I don’t have to think about it, or significant enough that I can hate him and then also stop thinking about it, and then I can have the relief of feeling just one feeling at a time.

I don’t think it’s bad to feel conflicted learning something about someone. I think it’s important.

But the problem is that if one thing isn’t significant enough, and we decide to keep thinking someone is fundamentally Good, we often toss that thing out. So when another thing happens, we only look at the new thing, trying to decide: is this enough? And that next thing might not be enough either. So we can go on and on, until you add up to a lot of things that have each done some harm, but none of them have been enough to change how we see and talk about someone.

Now I, personally, decided that the Timmies wasn’t so bad that ROR couldn’t ever make it up to me. But I didn’t decide to feel fine about it: I tried to just put a pin in how conflicted I felt. It’s been years, and over the years I think his actions have showed meaningful change. He hasn’t struck a Starbucks, a Dunkin, or even a Caribou. There’s a pattern.

I think a lot of people who don’t really like the things Benn says or does or believes have given him a lot of chances to make up for them, because they don’t want him to really mean those things. By which I really mean that I know there are a lot of women and queer fans who liked the guy. I get it (I don’t actually get it get it, but I mean I can try to understand people coming from a very different place than I do about him). 

I’ve read a lot of ways that people who are themselves vulnerable in our society try to empathize with him by imagining him as vulnerable too--he’s also experienced fatphobia, homophobia, he wasn’t expected to succeed, etc! I think that’s a wonderfully human instinct. But often I think people have more empathy for those experiences than he expresses for himself--he agrees that it was Bad to be fat and he’s Worked Hard to fit into the masculine norm, he agrees that it’s Bad to be close with another man and works to avoid it--and certainly more than he has showed in his actions toward others. If you’re going to say I hate him for saying that, I don’t--I want him and everyone in our society not to feel and do this shit!

I see a lot of people starting from the idea he is a good leader trying really hard to spin his choices as a smart strategy when he plays dumb with media, when he doesn’t give specific action plans or give public statements or apologies. (I actually agree with the first one, I think it is a strategy for him to avoid transparency and not do a part of his job that he doesn’t want to do.) It just…it seems like a lot of work to reach a pre-determined goal. It’s okay to like someone and for them to still not be good at their jobs! When I say I think a guy’s not a good leader, that’s not always the same as saying he’s a bad person. And if we keep on promoting a guy as a good leader because we like them regardless of their demonstrated leadership skills…that’s how we end up with a lot of shitty policies in the NHL.

Over the years he has consistently avoided stepping up to his captaincy and using his personal power to say things like, “No,” “Tyler, cut it out,” “This is what I’m going to do to fix a problem,” or “I believe in…” anything, really. 

I really, really want to ask people to be mad as hell and advocate for the NHL to improve its code of conduct and harassment processes. I do. But I’m also tired. I don’t think, if I did ask you that, it would work. I don’t have an argument for why you should be mad at someone who’s mad at my existence. I’m not trying. I just want to encourage you, if you’re feeling the tug of feelings and just want to be able to simplify someone’s behavior and love them in simple terms, to put a pin in the more complicated parts, and remember them the next time, and look for patterns.

[matoroshika]

I decided to take the personality tests for some Black Clover characters to see what they get, here are the results!

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⚖️🔹Marx: Logistician ISTJ-T (Practical and fact-minded individuals, who’s reliability cannot be doubted)🔹⚖️

“My observation is that whenever one person is found adequate to the discharge of a duty... it is worse executed by two persons, and scarcely done at all if three or more are employed therein.”

Logisticians don’t make many assumptions, preferring instead to analyze their surroundings, check their facts and arrive at practical courses of action. Logistician personalities are no-nonsense, and when they’ve made a decision, they will relay the facts necessary to achieve their goal, expecting others to grasp the situation immediately and take action. Logisticians have little tolerance for indecisiveness, but lose patience even more quickly if their chosen course is challenged with impractical theories, especially if they ignore key details – if challenges becomes time-consuming debates, Logisticians can become noticeably angry as deadlines tick nearer.

Logisticians have sharp, fact-based minds, and prefer autonomy and self-sufficiency to reliance on someone or something. Dependency on others is often seen by Logisticians as a weakness, and their passion for duty, dependability and impeccable personal integrity forbid falling into such a trap. When Logisticians say they are going to get something done, they do it, meeting their obligations no matter the personal cost, and they are baffled by people who don’t hold their own word in the same respect. Combining laziness and dishonesty is the quickest way to get on Logisticians’ bad side. Consequently, people with the Logistician personality type often prefer to work alone, or at least have their authority clearly established by hierarchy, where they can set and achieve their goals without debate or worry over other’s reliability.

Their defining characteristics of integrity, practical logic and tireless dedication to duty make Logisticians a vital core to many families, as well as organizations that uphold traditions, rules and standards, such as law offices, regulatory bodies and military. People with the Logistician personality type enjoy taking responsibility for their actions, and take pride in the work they do – when working towards a goal, Logisticians hold back none of their time and energy completing each relevant task with accuracy and patience.

Logisticians need to remember to take care of themselves – their stubborn dedication to stability and efficiency can compromise those goals in the long term as others lean ever-harder on them, creating an emotional strain that can go unexpressed for years, only finally coming out after it’s too late to fix. If they can find coworkers and spouses who genuinely appreciate and complement their qualities, who enjoy the brightness, clarity and dependability that they offer, Logisticians will find that their stabilizing role is a tremendously satisfying one, knowing that they are part of a system that works.

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👑🟡Julius: ENFP-A Campaigner (Enthusiastic, creative and sociable free spirits, who can always find a reason to smile.) 🟡👑

“It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for – and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.”

Campaigners are true free spirits – outgoing, openhearted, and open-minded. With their lively, upbeat approach to life, they stand out in any crowd. But even though they can be the life of the party, Campaigners don’t just care about having a good time. These personality types run deep – as does their longing for meaningful, emotional connections with other people.

Even in moments of fun, Campaigners want to connect emotionally with others. Few things matter more to these personality types than having genuine, heartfelt conversations with the people they cherish. Campaigners believe that everyone deserves to express their feelings, and their empathy and warmth create spaces where even the most timid spirits can feel comfortable opening up.

Friendly and outgoing, Campaigners are devoted to enriching their relationships and their social lives. But beneath their sociable, easygoing exteriors, they have rich, vibrant inner lives as well. Without a healthy dose of imagination, creativity, and curiosity, a Campaigner simply wouldn’t be a Campaigner. In their unique way, Campaigners can be quite introspective. They can’t help but ponder the deeper meaning and significance of life – even when they should be paying attention to something else. These personalities believe that everything – and everyone – is connected, and they live for the glimmers of insight that they can gain into these connections.

When something sparks their imagination, Campaigners can show an enthusiasm that is nothing short of infectious. These personalities radiate a positive energy that draws in other people, and Campaigners may find themselves being held up by their peers as a leader or guru. But once the initial bloom of inspiration wears off, Campaigners can struggle with self-discipline and consistency, losing steam on projects

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🌱⚪️William: Advocate INFJ-T (Quiet and mystical, yet very inspiring and tireless idealists.)⚪️🌱

“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.”

Advocates’ unique combination of personality traits makes them complex and quite versatile. For example, Advocates can speak with great passion and conviction, especially when standing up for their ideals. At other times, however, they may choose to be soft-spoken and understated, preferring to keep the peace rather than challenge others.

Advocates might find themselves feeling especially stressed in the face of conflict and criticism. These personalities tend to act with the best of intentions, and it can frustrate them when others don’t appreciate this. At times, even constructive criticism may feel deeply personal or hurtful to Advocates.

Advocates may be reserved, but they communicate in a way that is warm and sensitive. This emotional honesty and insight can make a powerful impression on the people around them. Advocates value deep, authentic relationships with others, and they tend to take great care with other people’s feelings. That said, these personalities also need to prioritize reconnecting with themselves. Advocates need to take some time alone now and then to decompress, recharge, and process their thoughts and feelings.

Advocates may see helping others as their purpose in life. They are troubled by injustice, and they typically care more about altruism than personal gain. As a result, Advocates tend to step in when they see someone facing unfairness or hardship. Many people with this personality type also aspire to fix society’s deeper problems, in the hope that unfairness and hardship can become things of the past.

Many Advocates feel compelled to find a mission for their lives. When they encounter inequity or unfairness, they tend to think, “How can I fix this?” They are well-suited to support a movement to right a wrong, no matter how big or small. Advocates just need to remember that while they’re busy taking care of the world, they need to take care of themselves too.

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🍺⚫️Yami: Entrepreneur ESTP-A (Smart, enthusiastic and very perceptive people, who truly enjoy living on the edge.)⚫️🍺

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.”

Entrepreneurs are the likeliest personality type to make a lifestyle of risky behavior. They live in the moment and dive into the action – they are the eye of the storm. They are forced to make critical decisions based on factual, immediate reality in a process of rapid-fire rational stimulus response. This makes school and other highly organized environments a challenge for Entrepreneurs. It certainly isn’t because they aren’t smart, and they can do well, but the regimented, lecturing approach of formal education is just so far from the hands-on learning that Entrepreneurs enjoy. It takes a great deal of maturity to see this process as a necessary means to an end, something that creates more exciting opportunities.

Also challenging is that to Entrepreneurs, it makes more sense to use their own moral compass than someone else’s. Rules were made to be broken. This is a sentiment few high school instructors or corporate supervisors are likely to share, and can earn Entrepreneur personalities a certain reputation. But if they minimize the trouble-making, harness their energy, and focus through the boring stuff, Entrepreneurs are a force to be reckoned with.

With perhaps the most perceptive, unfiltered view of any type, Entrepreneurs have a unique skill in noticing small changes. Whether a shift in facial expression, a new clothing style, or a broken habit, people with this personality type pick up on hidden thoughts and motives where most types would be lucky to pick up anything specific at all. Entrepreneurs use these observations immediately, calling out the change and asking questions, often with little regard for sensitivity. Entrepreneurs should remember that not everyone wants their secrets and decisions broadcast.

Entrepreneurs are full of passion and energy, complemented by a rational, if sometimes distracted, mind. Inspiring, convincing and colorful, they are natural group leaders, pulling everyone along the path less traveled, bringing life and excitement everywhere they go. Putting these qualities to a constructive and rewarding end is Entrepreneurs’ true challenge.

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If you want to read more about their personality types, or other personality types- the website is 16personalities.com ! I find it very amazing at how accurate these are!

[free--therapy]

What is Jealousy?

By Sarah Sheppard | Published on June 28, 2021

What Is Jealousy?

Jealousy is a complex emotion. It occurs when there’s a real or perceived threat to an interpersonal relationship. An individual may resent a third person for taking away or appearing to take away the affections of their loved one.

Feelings that typically accompany the emotion include resentment, anger, hostility, and bitterness.

Everyone experiences jealousy at some point in their lives, but the emotion can become unhealthy and negatively impact your relationships. It can range in intensity. When it’s severe, irrational jealousy can lead to distrust, paranoia, abuse, or even physical violence.

Characteristics

While it’s typically perceived as a negative emotion, it is natural to experience jealousy in a close relationship. You may feel suspicious jealousy or reactive jealousy. The former is based on perception and is often tied to low self-esteem and insecurity and the latter is based on situations that actually threaten the relationship, and is often tied to actions or situations that lead to or cause the betrayal of trust.

Jealousy can lead to other emotions or feelings. Psychiatrist Nereida Gonzalez-Berrios, MD, explains how jealousy can manifest in relationships:

Criticizing

Fault finding

Blaming

Feeling distrust

Being overprotective or suspicious

Acting obsessive

Experiencing a quick temper

Verbally abusing

Complications

In healthy doses, jealousy can serve as a reminder to cherish or prioritize a relationship. High degrees of jealousy, however, can impact the overall quality of a relationship.

When you’re experiencing jealousy, it can cause changes to your body. According to Dr. Gonzalez-Berrios, the following physical symptoms may occur when jealousy arises:

Stomach aches

Headaches

Chest pain

High blood pressure

Palpitation in extreme anxiety

Weight gain or loss

Insomnia or disturbances in sleep

Poor appetite

Weakened immunity

Jealousy can occur at any time, especially in situations that feel threatening, but the emotion can also build up over time, too.

Identifying Jealousy

Jealousy can be difficult to understand and process. Depending on the situation, you may feel embarrassed, threatened, insecure, or abandoned. You may choose to say something to your loved one, notifying them of your feelings, concerns or fears, or you may react more irrationally by yelling, taking away their phone, making demands, placing blame, accusing them of something that didn’t happen, or storming off.

Even if a real threat presents itself, jealousy can lead to extreme behaviors, especially if you’re feeling insecure about yourself or the relationship. For your own mental health, you’ll want to find healthy ways to handle your jealousy.

Causes

Various psychological and socioeconomic factors can contribute to jealousy. Depending on your personality and attachment style, you may be more prone to experiencing the emotion. High levels of interdependence in a relationship may increase your risk of jealousy, for instance.

Many situations can make you feel jealous. Some common ones include:

A partner spending significant time engaging with someone who feels threatening to the relationship

A new baby joins the family or a parent puts their attention on a sibling instead of you

A competitor (such as a sibling or coworker) appears to get ahead

You could feel jealous when a loved one spends a lot of their time hanging with a particular friend or talking at length with a coworker in front of you, or you could feel jealous when a partner acknowledges someone else's accomplishments but not yours, or a coworker gets a promotion and you don’t.

Types

While there are many forms of jealousy, there are two main categories: normal and abnormal jealousy. The six main types, described by Dr. Gonzalez-Berrios, are:

Rational Jealousy: When there is genuine, reasonable doubt, especially when you love a partner and fear losing them, rational jealousy can occur.

Family Jealousy: This typically occurs between family members, such as siblings. When a new baby is born, a sibling may feel jealous as the attention of the parents shifts to the new baby, for example.

Pathological Jealousy: This type of jealousy is irrational. Unhealthy feelings may result from an underlying mental health disorder such as anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or schizophrenia. Signs of pathological jealousy can include extreme insecurity, as well as a desire to control and manipulate.

Sexual Jealousy: When there is fear that a partner has been unfaithful and has engaged in physical infidelity, you may become suspicious.

Romantic Jealousy: This can result from a real or imagined threat to a romantic relationship, resulting in jealous thoughts or reactions.

Power Jealousy: This type of jealousy stems from personal insecurity. You may be jealous of someone who has what you want. When a coworker receives a promotion or a reward that you wish to receive, for example, you may become jealous.

Studies conducted on heterosexual romantic relationships found that men tend to feel jealous over a third party’s dominance and are more concerned about sexual infidelity, whereas women tend to feel jealous from a third party’s attractiveness and are more concerned about emotional infidelity.

Treatment

Jealousy is a normal human emotion, but abnormal jealousy can put you or others in danger. If you’re experiencing morbid jealousy, in which your thoughts, emotions, behaviors are irrational, extreme, or obsessive, then you may need treatment.

The most common treatment options include:

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)

Cognitive-analytic therapy (CAT)

Antipsychotics

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs)

Treatment will vary depending on the type of jealousy you’re experiencing and how it’s manifesting. Unaddressed abnormal jealousy can lead to distrust, paranoia, or abuse.

If you’re experiencing another underlying mental health condition, such as an anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or schizophrenia, then you’ll want to consult with a mental health professional to discuss tailored treatment options.

Coping

If you don’t learn to cope with jealousy, it can strain or hurt your relationships. If your jealousy is negatively impacting your mental health or your relationships, you should use Dr. Gonzalez-Berrios’s recommended coping mechanisms:

Confront your fears: Jealousy can stem from insecurity or poor self-image, which is why it’s so important to confront your fears. This could include fear of losing your partner or fear of failure. Once you recognize these fears, you can acknowledge and address them, as they are often the underlying cause of the jealousy.

Address your expectations: In any relationship, it’s important to develop a realistic expectation on how much time someone can spend with you. If they are unable to meet your expectations, try not to place blame. See if you can work together to set more reasonable expectations.

Practice gratitude: Remind yourself about all the beautiful things that life has given you, says Dr. Gonzalez-Berrios.

Be open and honest: Healthy relationships rely on strong communications. If jealousy is arising, Dr. Gonzalez-Berrios suggests having an open and honest conversation about how you’re feeling. “Try to resolve the misunderstandings with compassion and mutual trust."

Practice mindfulness: Negative emotions can affect your physical and mental health. When you’re feeling jealousy or another negative emotion, such as anger or resentment, try practicing mindfulness meditation.

To maintain healthy relationships, you’ll want to communicate your feelings, address expectations, and establish a foundation of mutual trust and understanding. If jealousy becomes a problem, then speaking with a mental health professional, such as a therapist can help.

READ THE ARTICLE HERE

[ldcu-12stem1-group5mil]

“On Becoming a Medium: Gen Z Individuals as Modern Communicators”

Facebook. Instagram. Twitter. YouTube. Google.

If you are au courant with technology, you may have used these at least once in your life.

The world is changing at a rapid pace. Modifications, transformations, and advancements in all fields are constantly happening around the world. For instance, a few decades ago, the words 'social media' and the 'internet' are still unknown. Nevertheless, these soon played pivotal roles in revolutionizing and modernizing the society that we know of nowadays. People likewise attune and habituate themselves to various changes, hereby adapting to the new and evolved manner of living and communicating with others. The youth in the 21st century is no different. Individuals who were born alongside this expeditious technological and scientific progression are collectively referred to as Gen Z, and they might become the prominent catalysts of change in this modern era.

What year were you born? If you were born after 1997, then you belong to Generation Z (Gen Z).

Generation Z, often shortened as Gen Z or iGeneration, is a demographic cohort for those who were born between the late 1990s and early 2010s, succeeding the Millennials. Despite labeling them to the last letter of the English alphabet, they contrarily have a lot of firsts compared to the previous generations. To name a few, they are considered the pioneering generation of digital natives; they can now reshape the power of technology for the betterment of themselves and others. Moreover, they are also the first generation that was raised in the era of smartphones and the internet. Since Generation Z was born together with the rise of digital technologies, they are more oriented and used to having widely available information anytime anywhere. According to Katie Young of GWI, it has been estimated that Gen Z typically spends around 3 hours and 38 minutes online, 50% higher than an average mobile user. Internet became a fundamental part of today’s society, and it is inherent to Gen Z as well. Their use of the internet on a daily basis has influenced their interactions and patterns of communication with others, both positively and negatively.

Having been accustomed to the technology we have nowadays, it is unquestionable that this generation is considered 'tech-savvy'. Come to think of it, they have not experienced a world without these technologies. They can quickly create documents, presentations, and journals with ease, especially with sufficient internet speed and fine gadgets, like laptops and phones. Additionally, they can share it with their friends, classmates, teachers, or coworkers, making it systematic and efficient. These increase their overall productivity and connectivity with one another, allowing them to multitask on various activities within a short period of time.

More than half of the internet users across the globe are under the age of 24. Additionally, this group of people tends to spend roughly 70 hours a week on their devices (Metafacts, 2018).

Whatever they want to learn, it's readily accessible for them to read and practice. This gears Gen Z towards excellence and discipline, and the earlier these are practiced, the better it is for the maturity and growth of an individual.

The integration of technology into the lives of Generation Z is indeed highly powerful. Before, millennials use SMS and voice calls to connect, and prior to the invention of any telecommunication device, mailing a letter is the only way of communicating with others from afar. Unlike the previous generations, online and digital communication through various social media applications has become the predominant means of communication among Gen Z individuals. It doesn't matter where they are, they are all connected virtually, may it be a virtual conference call or a simple text message. Moreover, as technology made its way to almost everything, collaboration with one another is a crucial aspect that Gen Z individuals would prefer to have. Using popular messaging applications like Messenger and Discord, many of them can keep in touch with one another and easily collaborate on projects, tasks, or any activities.

Over the recent years, communication among people has transformed and changed. Aside from the technological advancements, the way we communicate with others both digitally and personally is now different compared to the previous generations before us. We now commonly see abbreviations and slang in chat messages and comments online. This is often used in casual conversations among friends and family. However, this is also a piece of evidence on how our language adapts and evolves to the changes we create over time.

These are the most common slang and abbreviations used in social media. How many of these have you used?

Despite the rise of messaging apps and virtual calls, face-to-face or personal communication is still the widely preferred form of communication among Gen Z individuals.

With the frequent use of social media and the internet, Gen Z individuals tend to acquire a lot of ideas and information from others. YouTube and TikTok trends are great examples of this. As a result, they become more creative and imaginative when performing or doing something, especially when it strikes their interest. Besides, they can also create content to share with their audience. It may be for entertainment, education, information, and many more.

On top of that, Gen Z is also considered the most diverse generation, as they openly accept and embrace diversity and differences of everyone. No matter where you came from and what you define yourself, you are accepted by this generation. They are generally open-minded to the issues and taboos we commonly avoid to discuss. Moreover, they enthusiastically engage in various activities that support equality and transparency, and actively protest against racism, discrimination, hatred, and corruption which have long plagued our society. These actions, together with the rising influence of social media, may pave the way for the young generation’s voices to resonate around the world, making an impact to the society in the process.

Furthermore, these social media platforms gave them the chance to become more knowledgeable and updated on what is happening locally and internationally. They can be easily informed of any recent events by simply browsing the web or opening any social media app. Social media applications like Facebook and Twitter are the common avenues for this up to date information. However, remember that some of these may be false information, especially if the author or account who posted it is not a verified media outlet. Fact checking and verifying the sources of the articles seen in these platforms are easy and common ways to affirm their legitimacy.

Additionally, these social media applications also allow them to share their thoughts and comments regarding different posts, not to mention that may post something as well, provided that it is credible, verified, and factual. This consequently enriches their vocabulary and skills in writing, speaking, and debating, especially when involved in topics that are deemed controversial. As opposed to the millennials and previous generations, Gen Z is more open to voicing out their opinions, ideas, and thoughts to the world, candidly expressing their freedom of speech to everyone. 

They don’t want to continue being a follower, they want to lead. They want to make change.

Twitter and its tagline, "What's happening?", describing the purpose of the social media platform, to connect people and to allow them to share their thoughts with a public audience.

However, it is worth noting that knowing how to navigate the internet and media does not necessarily mean that you are already digitally literate. It is essential that as users of media and spreaders of information, we know what are the proper things to do online. Intently spreading disinformation is just plainly wrong, no matter what the reason is. It does not only cause confusion but also panic and hysteria, especially when that false information is an alarming threat to security and lives. In general, we need to be responsible and disciplined all the time. You may think it is harmless, but it may actually be harmful and damaging to others. Remember, think before you click.

Communication has always been an integral part of being a human. It is the sole reason why we progressed into the civilization that we live in right now. As we reach the digital age of our civilization, the new generation of digital natives, Generation Z, will soon become the contemporary modern communicators of this society. This generation is a vocal and active group that can be a great catalyst for change. Their fervent principles, philosophical beliefs, and prudent judgments may serve importance later on as the world progresses. However, to express these to the world, we need to become a good communicator — an effective and influential communicator. And to do that, we need to be genial, compassionate, and rational to others who wants to become a communicator as well. Let them speak and let them be heard. That way, you too will be heard by others.

Generation Z is a unique generation on its own, and with their power to become a powerful communicator, they can become a medium — a medium with a potential to spark change to the society we live in.

As digital natives and users of social media, we need to be responsible for using the technology given to us. Do not make it a place for false information and hatred. Instead, use it as a platform for various purposes that everyone can benefit, learn, and enjoy.

References:

Seymour, E. (2019). Gen Z: Born to be digital. Retrieved from https://www.voanews.com/a/student-union_gen-z-born-be-digital/6174519.html.

Rapacon, S. (2019). How Gen Z is redefining their world through technology. Retrieved from https://garage.hp.com/us/en/modern-life/generation-z-redefining-the-world.html.

NDMU. (2019). The evolution of communication across generations. Retrieved from https://online.ndm.edu/news/communication/evolution-of-communication/.

Belinne, J. (2019). Gen Z - The communication generation. Retrieved from https://community.naceweb.org/blogs/jamie-belinne/2019/07/23/gen-z-the-communication-generation.

Barcelon, B. (2010). The life of Generation Z. Retrieved from https://teenlife.blogs.pressdemocrat.com/10220/the-life-of-generation-z/.

Image & GIF Sources:

https://www.social-babies.com/post/2017/01/27/5-social-media-platforms-to-explore-in-2017

https://www.thedailybeast.com/generation-z-is-already-bored-by-the-internet

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https://gifer.com/en/gifs/syntax

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https://business.twitter.com/content/dam/business-twitter/basics/twitter-basics-2-tweetideas.gif

https://giphy.com/explore/online-safety

[queermediastudies]

Blue is, in fact, not only the Warmest Color, but her name is Emma - Alec Thomas

Blue is the Warmest Color is a 2013 film adaptation of a comic series of the same name, made by Julie Maroh in 2010. This film follows a French teenager named Adele, who is what seems to be very introverted and unsure of her place in the world. Adele dates a boy named Thomas at school, but when they eventually have sex for the first time, Adele is left unfulfilled by Thomas, realizing there might be more to her sexual identity than she knows, and decides to break off their relationship. Her openly gay best friend Valentin hears about her confusion, and decides to take her out to a men’s gay bar. Adele leaves Valentin and wanders off to a neighboring lesbian bar, where she ends up meeting Emma, the blue haired girl who is also a graduating art student. The two have resounding energy off one another almost immediately, and they become friends quickly. It isn’t long after that they kiss for the first time during a picnic, before they bloom into a full relationship with one another. Emma’s family is very welcoming of Adele’s presence and relationship, while Adele’s more conservative parents are told Emma is a tutor for Adele’s philosophy class at school.

The film fast forwards a few years, and we see Adele and Emma living together while they continue their jobs. While Adele finishes school and gets a job teaching at an elementary school, Emma tries to further her painting career by throwing parties to socialize among her art peers. It’s at one of these parties that we meet Lise, a pregnant old colleague of Emma’s. Emma makes fun of Adele’s current job choice, saying that her writing could do exceptionally well, and Adele asserts that she’s much happy with where she’s at now. It’s here where we see some disparities come to light, as it seems like Adele and Emma don’t share that much in common even anymore, and out of loneliness, Adele sleeps with a male coworker. Emma finds out about the affair, and subsequently and ferociously kicks Adele out, ending their relationship. 3 years pass before they end up meeting again, only to find out Emma is now in a relationship with Lise and has a family with Lise’s daughter, while Adele still cannot overcome her heartbreak. Adele expresses how in-love she is with Emma, and despite their strong connection, Emma declines, but tells Adele that she’ll always have an “infinite tenderness” in her heart for her. More time passes before we see the two convene one last time at one of Emma’s art exhibits, where the two meet, but don’t really connect. It’s clear that Emma would rather tend to all her patrons and guests at the party, so Adele congratulates her before quietly leaving the exhibit. The film ends. I argue this film is a generally a great depiction of a heart wrenching love tale between two women, which effectively explores themes of sexuality and queerness explicitly, in order to create a film that leaves audiences wanting more among an ambiguous ending.

This movie definitely connects with some of the talking points we’ve discussed in class. Probably one of the easiest examples we see coming to light is in one of the first scenes in the film, where Adele’s friend group displays some signs of heteronormativity. In the clip above, we see Thomas staring at Adele from afar, with Adele’s friends insisting they’re “so obviously into each other”. Adele then begins to tune out of the conversation as the rest of the group starts discussing other cute boys, while Adele remains silent, clearly uncomfortable to some degree. It’s clear here that Adele’s friend group is using heteronormativity in the sense that they believe Adele is straight, despite no context being added whether they’ve discussed this before. Seeing as how the rest of the film pans out, they clearly haven’t discussed this. “For queer theorists, sexuality is a complex array of signifiers, social codes and forces linked to institutional power which interact to shape the idea of normal or deviant, good or bad, and which has the function of including and excluding people,” (Andersson, 2002, p. 3). In this scene, Adele is unsure of her sexuality, but it is clear how it should be demonstrated among the institution of her school in the ways of heteronormativity. This environment excludes any notion of queerness existing normally, which is reinforced by Adele’s friend group. This becomes problematic for Adele, as it feels as though Adele is almost pressured into going out and sleeping with Thomas because of her friends' heteronormativity enacted upon her. She is then only left to be unfulfilled, simply because she wasn’t attracted to men it seems at this point.

The above clip happens once Emma and Adele start spending more time together, and Adele’s friend group at school seems to pay attention to this fact. They all begin to grill and question her about where she met this girl, only to find out it was at a gay bar. Her “friends” then start getting heated with Adele, begging her to “fess up” to being lesbian, and to “just admit it”, while another girl starts making remarks about how she doesn’t care if Adele is lesbian, but that she’s slept naked in her bed a few times and seen her checking out her ass, calling Adele a “whore”, and then asking the question “Does your bitch have a blue p---y?” before Adele starts to fight. While this is clearly homophobia, it’s carefully inserted into the film to show some of the general public’s opinion on gay or lesbian reception, those of which lines match pretty well with Adele’s parents ideals. You could compare this to a time where “homosexuals” were compared to Communists in the U.S. “Communists bore no identifying physical characteristics...Homosexuals too could escape detection...Because most people confronted with accusations of homosexuality during these witch-hunts quietly resigned, it is impossible to determine the number of careers and lives that were destroyed.” (Gross, 2001, p. 22). This scene almost plays out like an interrogation or a witch-hunt of Adele, which I think draws on some lines on queer folk having to “admit” their queerness publicly, while cisgender folk never have to admit their sexuality in the same way. This part especially demonstrates queerness in a real world lens. To me, this scene was put into the film in order to demonstrate the harsh world that queer folk often experience. It’s made for the audience to have a better understanding of Adele’s current position, and therefore allows the audience to become more compassionate with Adele’s struggles along her life, for simply choosing who she wants to love.

Another dominant theme we see arising out of this film is sexuality and pornography. That being said, I wouldn’t recommend watching this film with your parents in the same room, because boy, you would be in for a trip. The film’s graphic sex scenes are all pretty exposed for Adele and Emma, leaving almost literally nothing to the imagination of the audience. I think this is done in the film because it wants to show the raw and unfiltered bodies of the two lovers, and more obviously done to display queer love on screen. “Queer film study, then, understands cinematic sexualities as complex, multiple, overlapping, and historically nuanced, rather than immutably fixed...queer film study explores how and why the fluidity of all sexualities relates to the production and reception of cinema.” (Benshoff & Griffin, 2004, p. 2). We especially see this sexual fluidity occur within Adele, when she sleeps with Thomas at the beginning of the movie, along with her fling with a male coworker that ultimately ended her relationship with Emma. Adele’s sexuality isn’t ever exactly defined, which leaves it ambiguous to the audience, therefore showing that even Adele is still discovering what her sexuality is exactly. While the sex scenes are explicit, to me, I wouldn’t qualify them exactly as porn, because they are also increasingly dramatic with expression. In a way, if we didn’t have these scenes, I don’t know if the audience could even understand the level of obsession that Adele and Emma have for one another. It’s in these scenes that we get just a glimpse of what it means to love as humans, and how sex is one of many facets to deepen our love for one another. 

For myself, the above clip is one scene in particular where I think the movie doesn’t really hit the nail on the head. In the scene as discussed in the intro paragraph, it features Adele and Emma in a restaurant, a few years after they’ve broken up, with Adele confessing her deep love for Emma again. Emma declines Adele’s love, citing that she’s with someone else now, and thus leaves. Before Emma is able to do that however, there’s a pretty lengthy portion of the clip where the two begin to passionately make out with one another, even getting to literal third base blatantly happening at the dinner table. Don’t get me wrong, my issue isn’t at all with any of the pretty graphic sex scenes in the movie, but this one in particular stands out because it’s literally in public. Literally a waitress confirms an order for coffee before the scene starts, and then the camera even pans out at the end of the scene to witness two other customers dining a few tables away. I felt like this part ran into a few problems, since both Adele and Emma completely ignore everyone else in the room in order to sexually fulfill one another, which for me not only feels a bit insensitive to not only the other people in the restaurant, but a bit unrealistic and hypersexualized. I think this part is more damaging to queer identities, in the sense that the ideal is being pushed that when it comes to sex, they are completely unable to control themselves for their lust for one another. You also get a sense of the power of looking at these characters by the minor characters in this scene, which pins them as public interpretations of sexuality inside the restaurant unfairly. They are more than just the objects of lust being viewed upon by other customers and work staff, but this scene doesn’t help that argument whatsoever.

Much like most things in the movie, the ending is completely ambiguous. You see Adele walk off around a street corner, to supposedly never talk to Emma again. We see this love come together, fall apart, and have a smidge of possible recovery, only to be let down again. Shortly put, I wanted more out of this story, because it felt like it wasn’t over. Maybe the reason it ended was to show that things don’t always have a “Happily Ever After”, especially when it comes to real life. Overall, for myself as a cisgender white straight man, I think this film is great in terms of queer media exposure. I think white and straight people have been given too much in terms of amount of privilege, especially when it comes to roles in love stories in cinema. I was forced to be critical when it came to my analysis of this movie, simply because I wasn’t the identity featured in this movie. I had to interpret information from a queer lens, which made me more objective and honestly a bit uncomfortable - but in a good way. I was forced to feel and see the things these characters were experiencing, in the exact same exposed ways they were seeing them. In a way, I think that made me more drawn to the story, simply because I was experiencing something that I had never gotten the chance to see anywhere else. The fact that the entire film is in French plays a big role as well, as I noticed I was using a lot of nonverbal cues in order to determine how a character might feel at any point in time. To conclude, I think this movie does a mostly great job on representing queer identities in order to create a love story that is unequivocally matched to any other story you see. It hits on the realistic parts of life and love that humans experience, in order to show how rough love can truly be.

References

Andersson, Y. (2002). Queer Media? In E. Kingsepp (Ed.), Media Research in Progress. Stockholm: Stockholms University. 

Benshoff, H., & Griffin, S. (2004). Queer Cinema the Film Reader. New York, NY: Routledge. Taylor & Francis Group.

Gross, L. (2001). Up from Invisibility: Lesbians, Gay Men, and the Media in America. NEW YORK: Columbia University Press. doi:10.7312/gros11952

[ahardisons]

Do you discourse? I disagree with your interpretation of Hardison’s treatment in the ice man/gold digger (probs bc I relate a lot to him and like that they show he can make mistakes (by being “too much”) without people being angry or his family leaving). I think it’s realistic given his background and I think some of his work on maintaining everyone’s aliases/props/etc is (in addition to believing in the work/enjoying it/or being his language) a desire to show he’s useful which can lead to overcompensating. So, those episodes make me kinda uncomfortable but in the I’m looking in a mirror but it’s okay because his people still love him kind of way)

(Super agree on the tipping thing though- that’s the only character moment from the show that I feel doesn’t really fit. And apparently the writers may have put it in bc they were having a similar convo? I wish they’d given it to Parker instead bc I imagine she’s still learning about all the ways things are bad for “normal” people (and then she learns and starts tipping suspicious amounts) but I guess she always has a storyline in that ep?)

i do!! i will be tagging it as discourse though just in case people don’t want to see it lmao

but thank you for the message! i totally get your viewpoint and i agree for the most part about the overcompensation thing but personally not the reason - i.e. showing that he’s useful. just bc hardison knows he’s useful and hasn’t really shown any fear of being seen as someone who doesn’t do anything for the team/feel like he HAS to overcompensate? like he actually seems to be the one of the few who adjusted well to being alone in between season breaks if the crew has to step away from each other tbh.

(nate - 100% not fine being alone despite what he says

sophie - seems reasonably fine being alone but we all know that the crew is her only real family

eliot - also seems reasonably fine being alone but he also seems like the type to Do Something to distract from being alone which is why i think he’s always flashbacking into all the weird international shenanigans LMAO

parker - like nate, says she’s fine being alone but her entire character arc is discovering that she doesn’t have to be alone and that having a family isn’t a prison sentence)

rather, i think he overcompensates bc he wants to be The Best. it feels like it’s coming from a place of overconfidence rather than insecurity. he wants to run his own crew one day and be better than nate so he pulls out all the stops to show he can do it.

OH BUT OFF TRACK, YEAH! i think my main issue with gold and ice man is that these two episodes are one of the few episodes where hardison is the center of the plot. but unlike parker or eliot-centric episodes (or even sophie or nate), his episodes aren’t about growth or focused on character development. they’re about failure.

and there’s definitely an argument to be made that hardison has to experience hardship in order to overcome his fatal flaw but i’m not talking about making a mistake or being fallible (bc hardison has definitely made countless mistakes and has been vulnerable) but both his episodes end in abject failure.

it’d be different if his cons failed and he had to fix them on the spot (much like nate) so he could grow and learn how to navigate similar eventualities in the future, throughout the course of the episode. in that case, at least it could end in some kind of win. but for both episodes, that’s where it ends, failure.

mile high job is a good example of a (kind of) hardison-centric episode that highlights his failings but teaches him to learn from his mistakes and be better. he fucks up and almost blows the con right from the start bc he misses an important call time. the episode also highlights a lot of the flaws that he has (overconfidence, distractibility, being unreliable) but he gets better throughout the episode.

he identifies those negative traits and learns to either use or overcome them (overconfidence to trick people into believing he actually worked at a company for longer than a handful of hours; getting distracted by world of warcraft leads him to bonding with a coworker in one easy conversation, putting her on his side indefinitely; and overcoming that unreliability by pulling through at the end to save everyone on a falling plane) and it ends with a major win for him! i wanted THAT (but in a less of a high stakes situation as landing a plane BUT more emotionally gratifying) for his episodes so we could’ve seen him mature even further. and neither of these episodes had to end in a huge win tbh!

LAST THING: this is also the only time i actually like when nate pushes him to find solutions on his own bc it’s early enough that it makes sense that nate needs to teach him how to utilize his smarts efficiently. also i wish that both episodes were just better tools to see hardison as a Whole Realized Character with a past and his own motivations (WHY does he want to run his own crew outside of “help people”? WHO taught him everything he knew? WHERE is his family bc everyone else gets interstitial flashbacks that are funny but also reveal something about them as a person and how they interact with other people throughout their lives??? eliot and parker both have mentor figures, WHERE IS HARDISON’S!!!!).

BUT YEAH, thank you for giving me an excuse to ramble on for HOURS. also i’m like genuinely glad that you like the episodes and can enjoy them bc they are good episodes and funny and charming but i’m just stupidly overinvested in hardison and his character LMAO

(ALSO WTF YOU’RE COMPLETELY CORRECT, PARKER BEING THE ONE TO NOT TIP WOULD MAKE SO MUCH SENSE???? HOLY SHIT????? LIKE JUST A GENERAL “what? why would people do that? do they not just get paid?” and then she learns about minimum wage and how food service works sometimes get paid BELOW that on the basis that they POSSIBLY MAYBE IF PEOPLE FIND KINDNESS IN THEIR HEARTS get tipped in addition to their salary/hourly rate.)

[inkdheart17]

One thing I hate most is being judged, accused, and/or scolded without being confronted. I know the things I've done weren't always great, but i also know that I've never done anything so bad I would later regret it.

Yet, it seems that more and more people seem to think that my silence means I'm guilty. It definitely doesn't. If I decide not to speak of an event, then it's probably because I was the victim, and I'm still hurting.

The most recent big event that's causing a lot of issues for me is a falling out with a person I used to think of as a best friend. I had trusted this person with... Well, everything. I always went out of my way to help them feel comfortable about who they were and tried my best to boost their confidence. I felt that it was necessary, as a friend. I thought all friends did that to each other. Little did I know that very few did that to me.

I didn't need it as much, thankfully. I have my sister, who's my own personal hype man. My mom also supports me. We may be closer than most families i know, but my mom and I aren't close enough for me to come out to her. About anything, actually. Still, i trust her with most things. So, I never needed my friends to truly be there for me. Except once.

I had just broken up with my first and to this day only boyfriend. I had been extremely cautious on who I accepted to date because I was acutely aware of how toxic people could be. My own father and his family being a prime example of that. I had already given up on trying to date someone when I noticed my feelings for my ex. We went out and after the honeymoon phase, I began to notice how similar he was to my father. I became anxious. I tried to reach out and instead was cut off.

Many of the people around me don't know the details. Not sure if I want to share them anymore either. But I'm writing this to vent and hopefully help someone else that went through a similar experience.

You see, the break up didn't hurt so much because he left. It hurt because I lost so much because of him. I lost his family. Whom I had gotten very close with as he refused to ever visit my family. So, we only ever went to his place. I lost my friends, because some of them refused to interact with me after he left. And I lost my peace. My anxiety was once again in control and I was fighting hard to keep everything together once again.

This was the one time I begged for support from those around me, and I quickly found out who to cut off from my life.

At the time, I had moved in with friend A and coworker B, who was dating another guys friend of mine at the time, C. They all faked being supportive at first. Telling me I should just ignore my ex and forget everything. He was never worth my time. Things like that. I had actually called C the night my ex broke up with me. I thought of C as my brother and all I wanted was for my bro to come over and comfort me. He didn't. He had things to do early the next morning and was in bed with B. So, neither of them were going to be there for me. It was only A who kinda distracted me with a drive, but she was so quick to add venom into me. Almost as if she wanted me to hate my ex. Which I did for a while. But it wasn't until I spoke with my still best friend, J, that I found the support I needed.

While all this was happening, i was struggling to finish my final semester before graduated with two bachelor's degrees. You can imagine the kind of stress I was going through as I was also fighting with the University to keep my scholarships for one last semester so that I could graduate. The funny part is that J knew exactly how I behaved. He knew the difference between the times I kept our talks short because I was busy, and when I kept our talks short because I was in distress. He asked me to hang out with him for a day. A day he could've easily filled up with catching up on school work, or being with family, or even spending time with his girlfriend. I still feel very touched remembering how he decided to try and help me instead. All because I didn't react like usual.

He didn't push me to say anything, but my ex came up in conversation and I had to tell J that we weren't dating anymore. That then spiraled into how pressured I felt with school and how unsupportive my roommates and C were being. I told him how A would react aggressively when were alone. Straight up calling me a bitch for ignoring her when I had homework to finish, but would then cry and say I was the abuser as I had blocked her on everything whenever B and C were around.

I told him how I had turned to B in hopes of getting advice, as she shared a room with A and would probably know what was going on with A. Instead, B had told A about all the negative things I said in a fit of rage and never once mentioned how I did want to fix our relation, but A had really destroyed my trust in her and had (has) yet to apologize. I told him how my ex would ignore me on dates and would only pay attention when we were physical with each other. Which made me want more physical interactions despite my general apprehension due to past trauma. And how my ex unceremoniously texted me that he was done because I got mad he wouldn't pause his game for like 5 minutes just to hear me out during an anxiety attack.

J calmly took all this in and advised that I move out. Not back in with my parents, but that it may be inevitable for me at the time. Then he warned me not to bottle up my hatred for my ex cause it would make me hate men in general. And I tried not to, but that hatred started with my dad. So, when C blocked me out of the blue, with no confrontation what so ever, I lost all the trust I had left. I mean, if the guy I thought of as a brother would rather listen to two women who know nothing about me just cause he's dating one of them, then how low were my standards? Why was it so easy for me to get betrayed? It happened with A, it happened with B, it happened with C.... And now he's happening with another friend, D. Who has yet to respond to any of the text messages I've sent her and has now started to hang out with A.

I once again turned to J. Asking if it was normal to feel hurt when a friend was still friends with someone who hurt you. J agreed it was painful but that ultimately I had to remember that they were their own person and that they were going to make their own decisions on what relationships to keep.

I felt discouraged but knew he was right.

As I type this up, I've had to pause a few times to wipe away tears. I think they sting when you feel a bit if anger when crying. Not sure.

Anyways, all this is to say that you'll never be free of selfish assholes. You'll live with them, you'll work with them, you'll move in with them, you'll befriend them, and nothing I say will help prepare you for the pain you'll feel when they reveal their true colors and destroy some part of you. Still, you should never change because of them.

I've given up on dating and friends because of these new experiences topping old traumas. I've been groomed, molested, raped probably, psychologically and emotionally manipulated and abused, all before entering seventh grade. I can't remember my childhood thanks to dissociative amnesia. So, instinctively, I no longer trust humans. It's a lovely existence and despite having won this battle before, I'm looking at suicide once again and am having to remind myself that I've already been through hardships. That all will be fine again. It's just a matter of time now.

But, fighting suicide is almost impossible without help. Without support. So, if you find yourself stuck with toxic people, with selfish assholes, with treacherous friends, cut them out.

We don't need them. They're a cancer that feeds off your good intentions and then blame you when they've dried your soul. It'll hurt a lot at first, but eventually, all will feel better. You'll find peace again. Maybe you'll connect with an old friend who'll always be there for you, like I did with J. Perhaps your siblings will be your own hype man like mine is. Maybe your relationship with your parents will get better like mine is with my mom. You'll finally start feeling better about yourself and try things that cancer wanted to steal from you. I've just gotten through a job interview and hopefully I'll be working at the office I've been trying hard to get into some time next week. Perhaps you'll also take the next step in your career?

So, to by fellow disappointed-in-humanity victims, sometimes it takes swimming in shit before being able to relax in a healthy mind. Take off those rose tinted glasses. Harden your heart and cut out people you know are hurting you. Don't listen to them, and if they take others with them, know that they also aren't worth your effort.

I would much rather be alone than be with a friend who believes I abused another person without ever talking to be about it. That's a person who'd rather believe your abuser than try and figure out why you would ever dare hurt someone. You don't need them.

I probably should like a bitch. Trust me, I get it. I often feel like I'm too harsh and that I should just unblock people to settle things down again. But you know what? I was very complacent and unmotivated when I had the people I blocked on my life. And now that I cut them out? I'm taking my first steps to establishing a career here in my town. Which is arguably a very hard town to settle in as a non-retiree.

Free yourself. Cut them off before they bleed you out

[simschallenges]

Chinese Zodiac Legacy Challenge

(note: because the original poster has deactivated, i am reposting an archived version of the challenge rules retrieved with the wayback machine. all of the following text is a copy of the original post by @autumnalpixels.)

Thanks to the idea from an anon on tumblr, I’ve decided to make a second version of my zodiac challenge that focuses on the Chinese Zodiacs.

For those who don’t know, the Chinese Zodiacs are representative of an entire year, not a month. So, for example, I was born in 1997 and I am born in the year of the Ox. Twelve years in the future (2009) was the next year of the Ox. The zodiacs are similar in the way that they each have certain personalities and whatnot, but unlike the Western Zodiac, the Chinese Zodiac uses animals to represent each of the twelve main personalities, rather than planets.

As far as I’m aware, I don’t think this challenge has been made, and I’m thankful for the anon’s suggestion to make this! The original was really fun to make, and I hope that everyone enjoys this challenge as well. This is also going to be a 12-generation legacy, with each generation representing one of the different Chinese Zodiacs.

Side note: This legacy is not meant to misrepresent or offend anyone. The generations are being based off of descriptions of the zodiacs from this website. Feel free to read up more about each zodiac to get a better sense of your sim’s personality! I greatly encourage you to research the signs more because they are very interesting.

Starting out:

Feel free to make your founder however you’d like. Traits for each heir will be listed in their section, but their looks are up to you so feel free to get creative! You’ll start out like a traditional legacy on one of the 50x50 lots (or 64x64 if you’d like). Here is a link to Pinstar’s legacy rules.

General Challenge Rules:

Honestly this is the only way to fail the challenge, other than not producing an heir.

Generation One: Rat

“With strong intuition and quick response, those born in the year of the Rat always easily adapt themselves to a new environment. With rich imaginations and sharp observation, Rats can take advantage of various opportunities well. Rats have strong curiosity, so they tend to try their hands at anything, and they can deal with it skillfully. A lack of courage, as well as good command skills, Rats are not capable as leaders. Opportunistic and picky as Rats are, they do not have broad minds, but a narrow view. Rats are kind, but sometimes impolite to others. People of the Rat zodiac sign usually sleep late, for mice are nocturnal animals.”

You can say you’ve never really been the time of person to commit yourself to a certain thing. Whether it be a romance, a job, a hobby, whatever; point is, you get bogged down if you’re forced into doing the same thing too often. You are intelligent and talented, but you bore easily and like to learn and experience many things at once, despite how overwhelmed you get. You can be kind of insensitive sometimes and can come across as rude or that you think you are better than others, but in all reality you are a bit of a coward and are just shy and prefer to avoid confrontation. You’ve always wanted a family, but can you handle it?

Traits: Noncommittal, Genius, Loner Aspiration: Renaissance Sim Career: Due to your aspiration, you’ll be changing your job a lot, so you can pick.

Goals:

Complete your aspiration

Max four skills of your choice

Don’t get married, have at least two children with different partners.

Date around a lot, go on at least one date a week. Each date can be with the same person or different people, up to you!

Feel free to have a hobby that can make money (painting, writing, gardening); you won’t be making much money at the beginning of this generation due to needed to job hop

Generation Two: Ox

“Oxes are known for diligence, dependability, strength and determination. Having an honest nature, Oxes have a strong patriotism for their country, have ideals and ambitions for life, and attach importance to family and work. Having a desire to advance and great patience, Oxes can achieve their goals by consistent efforts. They are not influenced by others or the environment, but persist to do things in accordance with their ideas and capabilities. Before taking action, they will have a definite plan with detailed steps and add their strong faith and physical strength. So people of the Ox zodiac sign enjoy great success as a result. The most disadvantageous trait in Oxes is poor communication skills. They are not good at communicating with others, and even think it not worthwhile exchanging ideas with others. They are stubborn and stick to their own ways.”

Stubborn, persistent, overbearing. Many of your classmates would have described you that way, but you personally like the words ambitious, overachieving, and powerful to use for yourself. You can be a bit of a know it all and tend to stick to your beliefs, even when they’ve been proven wrong. However, you have grown to learn how to convince others to believe what you say (even bordering on manipulation at times). Outside of convincing people of things, however, you loathe conversing with others and would much rather spend time doing the things you enjoy, which includes working hard at your career. You grew up in a family that didn’t have the greatest time with careers, as your single parent had several careers throughout your childhood. You don’t want that. You want better for your children; to have enough money to see them succeed. But although you do truly love your children, you don’t get attached to others easily and they are no exception. You want them to succeed and do well, but you aren’t there for them when they need you because you are working. How will this affect the white picket fence family that you wanted?

Traits: Ambitious, Self-Assured, Loner Aspiration: Successful Lineage Career: Critic

Goals:

Complete your aspiration

Max your career (either branch)

Max the Logic skill and one creative skill (painting, cooking, guitar, whatever you’d like)

Get married at a young age to your high school sweetheart. Start having kids immediately, four in total. You don’t get along with your spouse and fight a lot, but you’re not allowed to divorce them. It would ruin your white picket fence fever dream.

Never become more than “friends” with your children (i.e. good or best friends).

Make your children do their homework every night and all school projects; children must have A’s in school before they can age up to teen.

Teens must have a job and at least a B grade in school before they can age up to YA.

Become good friends with all of your grandchildren.

Generation Three: Tiger

“People born in the year of the Tiger are brave, competitive, unpredictable, and self-confident. They are very charming and well-liked by others. But sometimes they are likely to be impetuous, irritable, and overindulged. With stubborn personalities and tough judgment, tigers work actively and boldly express themselves, and do things with a high-handed manner. They are authoritative and never go back on what they have said. With great confidence and indomitable fortitude, they can be competent leaders. They will not make preparations for anything, but they can handle anything that comes along.”    

Even though you don’t want to admit it, you grew up a lot like your parent. You’re stubborn and confident as well, but you tend to want to work with others and crave social interaction. You want to be the best, but not in the same way as your parents; you want to have it all: a good career, a loving spouse and children, and a great social life. You enjoy get togethers and parties, and you are very popular amongst your coworkers and friends. Some would even say you were the leader of the pack.

Traits: Outgoing, Self-Assured, Hot-headed Aspiration: Party Animal Career: Detective. Once you reach level five of the career, quit your job and become a politician.

Goals:

Complete your aspiration

Max the Politician Career

Have at least a silver medal on each kind of party

Get married, have a kid, then get remarried and have more kids (number is up to you.)

Have 1 BFF and three Good Friends

Be the leader of a club with eight sims and buy all of the Clothing and Decor perks, display them around your house

Generation Four: Rabbit

“Rabbits tend to be gentle, quiet, elegant, and alert; quick, skillful, kind, and patient; and particularly responsible. However, they might be superficial, stubborn, melancholy, and overly-discreet. Generally speaking, people who belong to the Rabbit zodiac sign have likable characters. When meeting trouble, Rabbits can handle it in an orderly way; when encountering tough difficulties they are never discouraged, but are persistent to seek solutions. So they eventually achieve enviable success. Rabbits are faithful to those around them, but reluctant to reveal their minds to others, and have a tendency to escape reality. They are too cautious and conservative, which means they miss good opportunities.”

If there was ballet, you would have done ballet since you were a child. You are graceful and calm, but you have your moments where your insecurities take over you and you can become a bit gloomy. You love the arts and are more of a homebody than your parent, and love spending hours reading and writing stories and poetry. You are generally a positive person and enjoy having a small group of friends that you can go get coffee with and discuss books, rather than attending parties. You can be a bit skittish, though, and you like the finer things in life. There’s a side of you that you hide from the people you know, however; you may just not be as sweet and innocent as you seem.

Traits: Bookworm, Gloomy, Materialistic Aspiration: Mansion Baron Career: Criminal

Goals:

Complete your aspiration

Max the your career (either branch)

Have two good friends

Marry and have five children with the same spouse

Do not let anyone find out about your career. If they do, you need to get rid of them. Threaten them, erase their memory (if you are an alien), or kill them off. No one can know who you truly are.

Buy something new (worth at least 500 simoleons) every week

Generation Five: Dragon

“Among Chinese zodiac animals, the Dragon is the sole imaginary animal. The Dragon is the most vital and powerful beast in the Chinese zodiac, although with an infamous reputation for being a hothead and possessing a sharp tongue. In ancient times, people thought that Dragons could control everything in the world with their character traits of dominance and ambition. Gifted with innate courage, tenacity and intelligence, dragons are enthusiastic and confident. They are not afraid of challenges, and willing to take risks. However, the dragon is sometimes regarded as aggressive, and angry dragons are not open to criticism. They don’t consider themselves irritating and arrogant. Instead of following tradition, they strive for a smooth future.”

Your parent made you sick. Being a criminal and being so materialistic was not how you wanted to be like, so you rebelled at a young age and, as a teen, ran away to start your life anew. The only things you took with you were a few photographs of you and your siblings, and some things of your parent’s that you could sell for cash. You can be a bit reckless and impulsive, and you don’t like thinking things through, tending to follow your gut rather than your brain. You want a big family like what you came from, but you were going to make the money to raise your kids honestly.

Traits: Hot-Headed, Good, Outgoing Aspiration: Big Happy Family Career: Retail Store Owner

Goals:

Complete your aspiration

Max the your career (either branch)

Max Charisma skill

Run away as a teen, starting over. (You don’t have to bring family photos with you, but you do have to bring the Knight of the Octagon Table and other things with you that you can sell. Do not sell the Knight of the Octagon Table.)

Cannot go to school except on Wednesdays and Thursdays. Must do homework every night, however, and remain at least a C grade in school.

Open a retail shop once a YA (can sell whatever you’d like)

Get married halfway through young adulthood to a friend from high school

Have four kids

Have a garden with at least four perfect Dragonfruit plants

Generation Six: Snake

“In Chinese culture, the Snake is the most enigmatic animal among the twelve zodiac animals. People born in a year of the Snake are supposed to be the most intuitive. Snakes tend to act according to their own judgments, even while remaining the most private and reticent. They are determined to accomplish their goals and hate to fail. Snakes represent the symbol of wisdom. They are intelligent and wise. They are good at communication but say little. Snakes are usually regarded as great thinkers. Snakes are materialistic and love keeping up with the Joneses. They love to posses the best of everything, but they have no patience for shopping. Snake people prefer to work alone, therefore they are easily stressed. If they seem unusually stressed, it is best to allow them their own space and time to return to normal.”

You grew up to be a very laid back and easygoing person. You love nature and you know the value of a dollar, which can sometimes lead you to being a bit frugal. You are also a bit of a hoarder and love collecting things, and if someone even brings up getting rid of something, you aren’t too pleased with them. You are seen by many as wise and intelligent, and you definitely are. You are in tune with yourself and the natural world around you. You are very mysterious and a private person however, so while people spill their problems out to you and you help them, you don’t tell anyone about yourself.

Traits: Vegetarian, Materialistic, Loves Outdoors Aspiration: The Curator Career: None

Goals:

Complete your aspiration

Max Wellness skill

Keep all of the plants from the last generation and expand the garden to include at least four perfect orchid plants

Do not hire any services; everything must be done by your sims. (Exception: babies can be sent to daycare while your sims are at work/school or on another lot.)

Complete any collection.

You must be BFFs and know all of your partner’s traits before you can be romantic with them.

Have two kids.

Generation Seven: Horse

“People born in a year of the Horse are extremely animated, active and energetic. Horses love to be in a crowd, and they can usually be seen on such occasions as concerts, theater performances, meetings, sporting events, and parties. With a deft sense of humor, Horses are masters of repartee. They love to take center stage and delight audiences everywhere. Sometimes, the Horse is a little self-centered, but it doesn’t mean that s/he can not be interested in others’ problems. Horses are really more cunning than intelligent, and that is probably why most Horse people lack real confidence.”

You were that kid in school. You know, the one obsessed with horses. Your favorite toy was a horse, and you carried it around with you everywhere. Eventually you grew out of this horse phase (thank god) but you still loved the roots that the past few generations had of living off the land and running a farm. You are energetic and fun to be around, and you love to joke around and make people laugh. You found out by the time that you were a teenager that the farm life wasn’t for you, and you decided to focus on something that you were good at: bringing joy to other people through witty jokes and karaoke fails. You love seeing others happy, but at what expense?

Traits: Goofball, Gloomy, Active Aspiration: Joke Star Career: Entertainer

Goals:

Complete your aspiration

Max your career (either branch)

Never get married, have a one night stand that results in pregnancy

You can have a live-in datemate, however, but you two can never actually get married

Write in a journal every night

Go jogging for an hour every day

Max comedy and charisma skills

Pass down your favorite horse toy to your only child

Generation Eight: Goat

“People born in a year of the Goat are generally believed to be gentle, mild-mannered, shy, stable, sympathetic, amicable, and brimming with a strong sense of kindheartedness and justice. They have very delicate thoughts, strong creativity, and perseverance, and acquire professional skills well. Although they look gentle on the surface, they are tough on the inside, always insisting on their own opinions in their minds. They have strong inner resilience and excellent defensive instincts. Though they prefer to be in groups, they do not want to be the center of  attention. They are reserved and quiet, most likely because they like spending  much time in their thoughts. Goats like to spend money on fashionable things that give them a first class appearance. Although goats enjoy spending money on the finer things in life, they are not snobbish.”

You are not a snob, per se, but you definitely have an eye for the expensive, lavish ways of life. You love to spoil your spouse and your children, and enjoy giving gifts. You just can’t help that you want to appear wealthy, even if you aren’t. You are kind-hearted and love volunteering with your family to make the world a better place.

Traits: Good, Creative, Art Lover Aspiration: Painter Extraordinaire Career: Painter

Goals:

Complete your aspiration

Max your career (either branch)

Become an art collector (have one room on the house dedicated for all of the pieces of art you’ve either made or bought)

Master Painting skill

Volunteer with your family once a week

Paint a portrait of your spouse and your children

Marry and have three kids

Generation Nine: Monkey

“People born in a year of the Monkey have magnetic personalities and are witty and intelligent. Personality traits like mischievousness, curiosity, and cleverness, make them very naughty. Monkeys are masters of practical jokes, because they like playing most of the time. Though they don’t have bad intentions, their pranks sometimes hurt the feelings of others. Monkeys are fast learners and crafty opportunists. They have many interests and need partners who are capable of stimulating them. While some like the eccentric nature of Monkeys, others don’t trust their sly, restless, and inquisitive nature. Although they are clever and creative, Monkeys can’t always exhibit their talents properly. They like to accept challenges and prefer urban life to rural.”

Traits: Goofball, Genius, Foodie Aspiration: Chief of Mischief Career: Tech Guru

Goals:

Complete your aspiration

Max your career (either branch)

Move to San Myshuno as a Young Adult (take the Knight of the Octagon Table statue with you)

Max the Programming, Mischief, and Handiness skills

Learn all of the new recipes from City Living

Earn the Spice Hound and Chopstick Master traits

Marry and have two children

Make sure all of your children learn all of the recipes you’ve learned

Generation Ten: Rooster

“People born in a year of the Rooster are very observant. Hardworking, resourceful, courageous, and talented, Roosters are very confident in themselves. Roosters are always active, amusing, and popular within a crowd. Roosters are talkative, outspoken, frank, open, honest, and loyal individuals. They like to be the center of attention and always appear attractive and beautiful. Roosters are happiest when they are surrounded by others, whether at a party or just a social gathering. They enjoy the spotlight and will exhibit their charm on any occasion. Roosters expect others to listen to them while they speak, and can become agitated if they don’t. Vain and boastful, Roosters like to brag about themselves and their accomplishments. Their behavior of continually seeking the unwavering attention of others annoys people around them at times.”

Traits: Self-Assured, Active, Dance Machine Aspiration: Vampire Family Career: Entertainer

Goals:

Complete your aspiration

Max your career (opposite branch from generation seven)

Make and run an athletic club, purchase all of the energized mood perks and the fitness skill perk

Max fitness and dancing skills

Become a vampire because you are obsessed with your eternal youth

Only have one biological child, but adopt twins

You can choose to get married or not

Generation Eleven: Dog

“Dogs are loyal and honest, amiable and kind, cautious and prudent. Due to having a strong sense of loyalty and sincerity, Dogs will do everything for the person who they think is most important. As Dogs are not good at communication, it is difficult for them to convey their thoughts to others. Therefore, Dogs tend to leave others with the impression that they have a stubborn personality. Born with a good nature, Dogs do not tend to be criminals or seek dishonest gains. They just need a quiet life and a good family and, therefore, forget the ugliness and evil on Earth. Dogs are always ready to help others and do not care about their own interests, but if they find themselves betrayed by cunning people they will feel shocked and hurt. When thrown into doubt, Dogs think the world is evil and complicated. Then they criticize sharply when giving comments on something, and infer all things are according to their pessimistic point of view.”

Traits: Bro, Good, Gloomy Aspiration: Soulmate Career: Athletic

Goals:

Complete your aspiration

Max your career

Fall in love with a human and cure your vampirism to be with them

Stay married to one person, no matter what

Own several dogs (Pets EP)

Have a “pack”, aka four to five friends that you can really trust

Be BFFs with your spouse

Have four kids

Generation Twelve: Pig

“Pigs are diligent, compassionate, and generous. They have great concentration: once they set a goal, they will devote all their energy to achieving it. Though Pigs rarely seek help from others, they will not refuse to give others a hand. Pigs never suspect trickery, so they are easily fooled. Generally speaking, Pigs are relatively calm when facing trouble. No matter how difficult the problems are Pigs encounter, they can handle things properly and carefully. They have a great sense of responsibility to finish what they are engaged in.”

Traits: Good, Glutton, Loves Outdoors Aspiration: Soulmate Career: Culinary

Goals:

Complete your aspiration

Max your career (either branch)

Have a garden with one of every plant (excluding plants from GTW and OR)

Max cooking, gourmet cooking, and baking skills

Host a gold level dinner party every Friday

Have a large amount of friends (at least three)

Never marry, but adopt one child

Oh wow, we’ve made it to the end of the challenge! I hope you enjoyed. Feel free to show me pictures or update me on your playthrough on this if you’d like (tumblr: autumnalpixels.tumblr.com/twitter: @absoluteking8). You can also use the hashtag #autumnalchinesezodiac so I can see your posts and reblog some of them!

If you have any questions or suggestions, feel free to tell me and I’ll take them into consideration. <3