#imagine being a freelancer for a goddess

[displayheartcode]

lucy is a route-witch. lockwood and george are cryptozoologists. not much is different in this fusion with mcguire's sparrow hill road/incryptid books.

another niche fusion!

[breathingmotherearth]

Fig Tree

By Mike Shanahan

17 January 2017 BBC Earth

Over 2,000 years ago, an important tree had one of its branches removed on the order of Indian emperor Ashoka the Great. It was under this very tree that the Buddha is said to have attained enlightenment. Ashoka bestowed kingship on the branch, and planted it in a thick-rimmed solid gold vase.

He then took the branch over mountains and down the Ganges River to the Bay of Bengal. There, his daughter carried it aboard a ship and sailed for Sri Lanka to present it to the king. Ashoka loved the plant so much that he shed tears as he watched it leave.

This story, from the epic poem The Mahavamsa, is about a kind of fig tree scientists call Ficus Religiosa. True to its name, an unbroken line of devotion towards it stretches back to thousands of years before Ashoka's time.

But F. Religiosa is not alone. It is just one of more than 750 fig species. No other plants have held such sway over human imagination. They feature in every major religion and have influenced kings and queens, scientists and soldiers. They played roles in human evolution and the dawn of civilization. These trees have not only witnessed history; they have shaped it. If we play it right, they could even enrich our future.

Most flowering plants display their blooms for all to see, but the Ficus species hide them away inside their hollow figs. And while most plants bury their roots underground, the strangler figs and their kin show them off.

They can even smother and kill giant trees, growing into colossal forms.

Take Ashoka the Great's F. religiosa. Buddhists, Hindus and Jains have revered this species for more than two millennia. The same tree featured in battle hymns sung by the Vedic people 3,500 years ago. And, 1,500 years earlier, it appeared in the myths and art of the Indus Valley Civilization.

Elsewhere in Asia — indeed across the tropics and subtropics — cultures have adopted fig trees as symbols of power and places of prayer. These figs feature in creation stories, folklore and fertility rites. The champion is the Indian banyan (Ficus benghalensis), a tree so big it can resemble a small forest from afar.

Banyans grow so large because the roots they drop from their branches can merge into stout pillars as thick as English oak trees. These false trunks support the banyan's huge branches, enabling them to grow longer and send down even more roots.

One banyan in Uttar Pradesh is said to be immortal. Another in Gujarat is said to have grown from a twig used as a toothbrush. A third is believed to have sprung up where a woman threw herself onto her husband's burning funeral pyre and died. That tree, in Andhra Pradesh, can shelter 20,000 people.

The first Europeans to enjoy a banyan's shade were Alexander the Great and his soldiers, who arrived in India in 326 BCE. Their tales of this tree soon reached the Greek philosopher Theophrastus, the founder of modern botany. He had been studying the edible fig, Ficus Carica.

Each Ficus species has its own wasp pollinator.

Theophrastus had noticed tiny insects entering or emerging from figs. Their story would turn out to be one of the most astounding in all of biology. More than 2,000 years would pass before scientists realized that each Ficus species has its own wasp pollinator, while some even have two. Likewise, each fig-wasp species can only lay its eggs in the flowers of its partner figs.

This relationship began more than 80 million years ago and has shaped the world ever since. Ficus species must produce figs year-round to ensure their pollinator wasps survive. This is great news for fruit-eating animals that would otherwise struggle to find food for much of the year. Indeed, figs sustain more species of wildlife than any other kinds of fruit.

More than 1,200 species eat figs, including one-tenth of all the world's birds, nearly all known fruit-bats and dozens of species of primates, dispersing their seeds as they do so. Ecologists therefore call figs "keystone resources". Like the keystone of a bridge, if figs disappeared everything else could come crashing down.

Figs do not only nourish animals. The year-round presence of ripe figs would have helped sustain our early human ancestors.

High-energy figs may have helped our ancestors to develop bigger brains. There is also a theory that suggests our hands evolved as tools for assessing which figs are soft, and therefore sweet and rich in energy. While the first humans benefitted from fig biology, their descendants mastered it. Ficus species are among the first plants people domesticated, several thousand years ago.

Farmers even trained monkeys to climb trees and harvest them

The ancient Egyptians seized upon a species called Ficus Sycomorus, whose pollinator wasp was either locally extinct or had never arrived. By rights, this species should not have yielded a single ripe fig. But through a stroke of luck or genius, farmers worked out that they could trick the tree into ripening its figs by gashing them with a blade. Before long, the figs were a mainstay of Egyptian agriculture. Farmers even trained monkeys to climb trees and harvest them.

Egypt's fig trees fed both bellies and beliefs. The Pharaohs took dried figs to their graves in order to sustain their souls on their journey into the afterlife. They believed the mother goddess Hathor would emerge from a mythic fig tree to welcome them into heaven. 

To the north and east, the Egyptian fig's sweeter cousin, F. Carica, became an important food to several other ancient civilizations. The Sumerian King Urukagina wrote about them nearly 5,000 years ago. King Nebuchadnezzar II had them planted in the hanging gardens of Babylon. King Solomon of Israel praised them in song. The ancient Greeks and Romans said figs were heaven-sent. Their allure can perhaps be explained by another crucial point. Aside from being sweet and tasty, they are also packed with fibre,vitamins and minerals. These nutritional benefits have long been known. "Figs are restorative," wrote 1st-century Roman philosopher Pliny the Elder, "and the best food that can be taken by those who are brought low by long sickness."

A famous example of the healing power of figs appears in the Bible. Hezekiah, King of Judah, was "sick even to death" with a plague of boils but recovered after his servants applied a paste of crushed figs to his skin.

These chimps may have been self-medicating

The healing power of fig species is not limited to their fruit. Medicines developed over millennia by people throughout the tropics make use of their bark, leaves, roots and latex.

The use of fig trees as living medicine cabinets may even pre-date the origin of our species. Our closest living relatives, chimpanzees, also appear to turn to these trees for their curative powers, suggesting our common ancestor with them did too.

Researchers working in Uganda occasionally observed chimps eating unusual foods, such as the bark and leaves of wild fig trees. These chimps may have been self-medicating, the researchers concluded. And for good reason, tests show that compounds in the fig leaves and bark are effective against bacteria, parasites and tumours. 

Fig trees have not only helped civilizations and cultures rise. They have also watched them fall, and have even helped to hide their ruins. For instance, the great cities of the Indus Valley Civilization boomed between 3300 and 1500 BCE, but they were lost to history until 1827, when a deserter on the run from the East India Company called Charles Masson arrived there. The fig trees helped forests return and overwhelm the abandoned buildings Giant Strangler trees dominated the landscape. Ruins poked out of mysterious mounds. Local people told Masson they were relics of a society that collapsed after some divine intervention corrected the "lusts and crimes of the sovereign". In fact, it was a prolonged drought that brought down the Indus Valley Civilization Strangler figs also replaced drought-stricken people at the Mayan pyramids at Tikal in Guatemala, and the Khmer temples of Angkor Wat in Cambodia. In each case, the fig trees helped forests return and overwhelm the abandoned buildings.

 Their seeds germinated in cracks in the stonework. Their roots ripped masonry apart and crushed walls with their weight. Their figs attracted animals that in turn dispersed seeds of dozens of other tree species. And so, the forest reclaimed these sites. This power has also been observed on volcanoes like Krakatoa, whose 1883 eruption purged the island of all life. Fig trees that recolonized the bare lava were instrumental in encouraging forest to form anew. Across the tropics scientists are now replicating this effect, planting fig trees to accelerate rainforest regeneration in areas where trees have been lost due to logging. All this means fig trees can provide hope for a future with a changing climate.

Fig trees could also help us adapt to extreme conditions.

In north-east India, people encourage fig roots to cross rivers, enlace and thicken to form robust bridges, saving lives in monsoon rains. In Ethiopia, fig trees are helping farmers adapt to drought by providing vital shade to crops and fodder to goats. These two approaches can also be applied elsewhere.

In all, fig trees can help us limit climate change, protect biodiversity and improve livelihoods, as long as we continue to plant and protect these trees, as humankind has done for millennia.

Many cultures around the world developed taboos against felling fig trees. Unfortunately today, these beliefs are fading from memory. We would do well to revive them.

Their long history serves as a reminder that we are the ones who are recent arrivals on an Earth in an 80-million-year-long Age of Ficus. Our future will be more secure if we put these trees in our plans.

Mike Shanahan is a freelance writer with a doctorate in rainforest ecology. His new book about fig trees is out now (published in the UK as Ladders to Heaven and in North America as Gods, Wasps and Stranglers).

[alaratezel]

Alara Tezel

27

Self Employed (yikes, read the bio to be shook) 

Gender: female

Pronouns: she/her

Face Claim: hande erçel

Length of stay in Charming: life long

+creative, +mischievous, +observant -sassy, -disobedient, -fiery

triggers: kinky shizz, death, loss, delinquent crime 

✱ middle child, sister to ayda and aleyna ✱ arguably the wild one, she’s been the same since she could walk and talk ✱ growing up in charming was an experience in itself but her parents always made sure she knew her turkish roots ✱ she’s fluent in english, turkish, spanish and french ✱ it’s extremely rare she’ll showcase just how smart she is, mainly because she doesn’t care much for it ✱ she always hated school, bunked off at least once a week, always in trouble for sassing teachers  ✱ she was a handful, to say the least. and hey, she still is, so at least she’s consistent ✱ however, since her mom died, she tries a little harder to hide her wilder antics from her father, if only for the sake of his health. she doesn’t purposely want to be trouble for him ✱ she’s creative, multi-talented when it comes to art. sketches, paintings, craft, you name it she could probably get it done ✱ she has a daring habit of spray painting murals on the sides of buildings in the dead of night and chuckling when she sees people noticing them when she walks past. she likes that nobody knows it’s her - though she imagines her sisters have a good idea she’s behind it  ✱ so yes, she’s a little secretive and no, it doesn’t stop there... yikes, here we go ✱ she attended college, got herself a degree in art and began to work as a freelancer ✱ completing requests, getting paid to draw or paint, etc. etc.  ✱ but it wasn’t enough. so at 23, three hours deep in a drunk conversation with her main bitch, they began to google ways to make money  ✱ the result? the next day, she’s what we would call a sugar baby ✱ $500 just for a selfie and a kind message? heck yeah, you best believe she was into it ✱ she’s had the same “sugar daddy” for the last 3 years, ( steven ) though others did come and go. she dropped any one who seemed creepy ( standard. ) this man doesn’t ask a lot of her in terms of explicit photos, but she doesn’t typically mind when he does. he takes care of her and respects her, and hey, he’s only 45 and actually, hot as hell ✱ he lives six hours away but once a month, flies out to see her. he’ll buy her a new outfit and take her to dinner. he supports her art, often making requests she knows he doesn’t really need, but he says it’s to decorate his company walls, or gift clients. whatever, more money for her  ✱ sweet deal, right? oh, it gets better. attending a confrense with him last year, he and two business partners began to stray from shop talk and more towards kink talk. it surprised her to learn that they were very aware of the dynamic between her and him, even more surprised when they asked her if she’d ever considered... dum dum dum, wait for it... ✱ being a dominatrix. what? no way, she said, at first. until they began to explain that there is a market out there for men who don’t actually want anything sexual. that caught her attention. okay, give it a trial run, what’s the harm? ✱ using her savings and help from steven, she bought her first appartment in charming. steven rents out a home near where he lives and once every two months, she flies out to spend the week there.  ✱ what happens while she’s there? her first client as a dominatrix, and all he wants from her? is to be bossed around, told to clean up, to tend to anything she desires. so ya girl literally gets paid to be treated like a goddess. and no, she doesn’t do anything sexual for him. ✱ she’ll spend five days in the apartment with him and then he leaves and she spends the rest with steven. shopping, talking, enjoying his company. she’s aware how odd and even creepy it would sound to others, but she actually enjoys the connection she has with him. she’s calm in his presence, something she usually isn’t at home. ✱ not to mention, she’s not sassy or rude with him & really likes it when they sit and talk and have intellectual conversations. the man’s just lonely and doesn’t have the time to commit to any real love type of relationship, so if you ask her? she’s doing a good deed *shrug emoji* ✱ okay so, whilst she’s not ashamed of doing these things, the only one who knows is her best friend. as far as everyone else, including her family is concerned, she makes her money selling her art, she leaves town for the week to attend arty conventions and sell her stock. what they don’t know can’t harm them, right? ✱ back home is where she’s her real self, she doesn’t filter herself for anyone and yes, she can be very blunt and come across rude sometimes but she’s actually quite friendly once you scratch the surface ✱ she’s playful and she can be very dramatic, for sure ✱ tiktok queen has her blue tick  ✱ she hates to be mushy and has a dead ass resting bitch face ✱ she loves her sisters and her dad and expresses her love for them in her own unique way that they’re deffo used to by now  ✱ another thing they don’t know is that she’s been struggling mentally since their mom passed away. she hides it well and bottles everything up until it comes out in a big outburst that never ends well for anyone ✱ in all honesty? she’s kind of a lonely soul, but she’s not met anyone she wants to commit too ✱ okay i’ma stop rambling now

connections:

✱ friends ✱ best bitches ✱ frenemies ✱ someone she doesn’t get along with ✱ friends with benefits ✱ an old flame ✱ someone who isn’t scared to get into some trouble with her and be reckless ✱ anything else?? 

[mandalorian-bitch]

Behind the scenes

The Mandalorian Modern AU.

Pairing: The Mandalorian x fem!reader

Summary: You are a photographer and a cosplay convention worker. Nothing really interesting happens at these events, but this one... this one brings different feelings when you met that man wearing a glowing helmet.

Warnings: none.

A/N: Well, it is my very first time writing some mandalorian stuff. I'm sorry if it's a little too long and boring, I promise it will get better with time. I actually saw a mandalorian cosplayer at a convention I've worked last year so somethings here may be real. Since English isn't my mother language you may found some grammar errors while reading and if you do, please, let me know so I can fix it :). Hope you enjoy this!

----------------------

You always liked cosplay, it was never a secret. In the beginning your parents thought it was just a hobby, then they told you it was madness and a total loss of time spending months organizing an event and then more hours strolling with a camera in your hand. But then they understood that it makes you happy, in your way of being happy.

It is almost a relief, both for you and for anyone who participates of these events, being who you really are. The vast majority awaits a whole year for the convention, it's like one of the few places where you can act according to your strange taste for space wars or romance about vampires. Or more recent, the k-pop fans. Once a year, you are not the weird nerd who sits alone at lunch break. Everyone there is in the same boat to suffer bullying from elementary school to college, even at work, but there we all are the same.

Cosplayers carry a little bit of each character with them, and they seem to do the magic of movie superheroes as they enter a dark alley like civilians and get out of there in extravagant fantasies. Their look changes, so as their physiognomy, all insecurities, low self-esteem, anxiety and the many social issues that plague most of us simply stays outside the event. People stop them while walking around the event, asking for pictures in character poses, and most of the time it's you who takes the pictures. In addition, you help them to wear the clothes and everything, like a staff. It does not pay much, but it already helps until something better comes up. You graduated at Design school about two years ago and has been a difficult time for professionals in this area, now that anyone downloads Photoshop and some more templates ready for small companies and many of them prefer to pay less for it. Still, you have good friends and they always designate you for some freelance that pays enough to insure yourself for a month or two, until something new appears. Being a photographer helps too, since being at an event full of people wanting good photos already yields a few hundred in your Paypal account. Most cosplayers look quite eccentric, in fact, and barely speak. When they speak, they do not leave the character in a scary, but funny way at the same time. Leaving insecurities without becoming one asshole is very difficult in these cases, but some are nice people. Like a guy who always brings his girlfriend to the event and every year they wear a different cosplay couple. This year, he was Han Solo and she was Princess Leia.

“Hey, (y/n)! Can you take a picture of us?” the boy approached, smiling, holding his girlfriend's hand.

“Sure!” You adjusted the focus of the camera the moment an armoured guy passed behind them.

You have seen that model of armour, of course. There is no way to forget Boba Fett's armour. You didn't know much about the culture involved, but remembered that there was some race or creed and thought it was cool. You could imagine the work he must have done to assemble each piece of this armour. It was silver, with very good details, as if he really was using steel and had been fighting against a dragon or something like.

Anyway, it caught your attention.

The couple moved closer to look at the photo and a second of you looking at the camera, still a little fascinated by the figure, was enough to lose the sight of him when you looked behind them again. Curious. You showed the photo to them while still looking around, looking for the armoured man who walked so calmly a few seconds ago.

“Thank you!” The girl smiled, looking at the photo. When she noticed the figure glossy in the background, her eyes sparkled. “Woow! Is this a Boba Fett or what?!”

“I thought the same thing! But I don't think it's exactly Boba.” You smiled, putting a lock of hair behind your ear. “If you guys find him, say that I want to take some pictures, something for… the event.” They waved and kept walking.

When you thought you saw the helmet strolling through the crowd again, Greef Karga, your supervisor touches your shoulder and makes your attention turn to him.

“(Y/n), I need you to help with some troubles in the dressing room, silly thing but they need someone with experience in dealing with those dickheads” He sighed. Greef, a black guy over fifty years. He also wore a dark blue shirt with the logo of the event as you did and had a moustache. He was like a second father to you, and always supported the event and even got you some freelances.

“Alright.”

The problem in the dressing room was between two women, one using a blonde wing and the other, using a long, red wing. The ‘blonde’ one swore that the redhead had stolen her blue eyeliner and the redhead, in addition to denying it, swore even in her mother’s name that the blonde one had stolen her Lancôme foundation. Nothing that had never happened before, but it was certainly something that should not spread out through the corridors.

“This red bitch steals my eyeliner! This is absurd, is there no security in this place? Cameras?” said the blonde, her wig gave an extra head on her size. Her makeup half-finished and still wearing only the pants of what would be her cosplay.

“Not here, because you change clothes in here.” You started, in a calm voice. Saying ‘please, calm down’ isn’t the better thing to say to someone who’s clearly not at the mood to calm down. The best thing is to transmit this through your voice and the way you look. “Have you looked calmly in the bags? Maybe near the mirrors?”

“I already showed all my things to this bitch and she keeps accusing me!” The redhead spoke between her teeth, her blue eyes burning in anger. She was wearing a 20 centimeters high heels and a white dress that make her look like a Greek goddess.

You started looking around, but to no avail, while they keep yelling to each other. It was better to find at least one of the things before they started to fight with the wooden swords they brought, if so things were going to get really worse. The anime songs playing in the background didn't help much and more and more cosplayers approached to ask what was going on.

There was nothing more hateful than kneeling on that floor, full of fantasy remains, hair - some wigs, others were real hair - feathers and scattered glitter. But still you got on your knees and started looking as fast as you could, touching under the various suitcases left on the floor and asking for permission where you were crawling. Until you look under one of the dressing room mirrors, the ones with the lights around, and see a clear bottle. The damn foundation must have fallen and the redhead, so worried about something else, didn't notice. The bottom of the bottle had “Kayla” written with red nail polish.

“Who's Kayla?” You asked.

The redhead looked down and her face fell into an expression that seemed a mixture of shame and joy at finding the base.

“See it? I said I didn't stole anything!” The blonde said, sighing and looking to you “How cool, she got the damn foundation back. But where's my eyeliner?!”

“Is that an eyeliner?” a modulated voice echoed behind you.

Slowly, you stood up and looked back to face the armoured man. He was pointing to the blonde, but not actually to her. It was something at her. You were very impressed with the voice, the helmet must have some technology stuff that could make his voice sound this way and it's amazing. Not every cosplayer pay attention to this detail when wearing a character that wears a helmet. It looks like there’s no difference, but it actually does.

Here are you again wondering about the “silver Boba Fett” (that’s how you decided to call him in your mind until remember what character he’s wearing).

“Can I?” he asked and after receiving a nod from the blonde, he approached her carefully.

You, Kayla and two other cosplayers were watching the scene. Lightly, he removed something caught between her huge hairstyle, without ruining the whole thing.

“Here you got.” He gently said with a smooth chuckle in the end.

“T-thank you". It was almost a whisper. She received the eyeliner and looked down.

“You’re welcome.”

“Apparently it was with you all the time.” You said, shrugging your shoulders and making a ‘I told you to look calmly to things, girl’ face.

They were both embarrassed, but at least they had stopped accusing each other and cursing in every possible way.

“I think it's everything okay now, right?” You asked and they just waved, without looking at each other. “Well, good luck in the competition, girls!”

“Sorry for the uproar...” Kayla looked at your little badge, with an expression still a little embarrassed.“(Y/n), thanks for your time.”

You smiled in a corner as you looked for the armoured man. “and you-"

He was no longer there. You stared at the place where he should have been, and for a few seconds you looked around, but to no avail. It was funny to still look for him, even though he is just a stranger with a very good cosplay with whom you would like to exchange a couple of words, take some pictures, maybe have a coffee...

After leaving the room, a cosplayer dressed as Geralt of Rivia approached.

A guy of almost two meters, in full costume and holding the saddlebag with both swords, looked like a wall standing in front of him.

“Hi, uh... I wanted to register for the contest, can you help me with this, (y/n)? - His voice was deep, but it didn't seem to have anything to do with the character, as he sounded naturally strong and calm. After a while in this environment, you learn to differentiate.

“Ah, yes, I'll take you there!”

---

You stepped away from the crowded areas a bit and went close to the backstage, texting other co-workers to see if anyone needed any help somewhere. There always was, but no one answered in a while, so you got a sandwich in the cafeteria and leaned close to the staff room to eat where the crowd didn't seem to notice you. Behind a big event, a lot happens. A lot of things go wrong, but also every little thing that works, each small problem solved without causing curious eyes, was a big good thing to the convention. The work was simple, in general, and you didn't have much to worry about except the public's entertainment and mainly: Don't annoy cosplayers. They suck at observing and praising good things, but are quick to see any loose wire on the wall to complain about the risk of electric shock on social media. Of course not all of them were like this but still, there are always a dozen assholes to ruin your year-long job in a few minutes by typing 280 characters on Twitter.

But the armoured guy... He seemed to be oblivious to the two types mentioned. You didn't see him in the dressing room, when you had to go there, or at the event's photo studio. There was always a glimpse of the shiny helmet standing out from everyone, and you always gave a silly little smile when he waved that helmet to you. And it's very important to remember the helmet, because you haven't seen it without it all day. And you have been curious, curious to ask several silly questions.

Did he not eat all day? Worse, didn't he drink water?! You finished the sandwich with that feeling that you should see if he ate just to see if he would agree to go to the cafeteria with you later. But of course you got busy sometimes, so there’s no way to be a stalker.

“(Y/n)??? HEY!” Greef waved his arms in front of your face, as if he wanted to wake you up from something, but you weren't sleeping-

Oh.

“Oh, sorry, Greef. I got distracted” You hugged yourself awkwardly.

He shook his head in disapproval and opened the employees’ room door to show you something.

“Well, there are some boxes to carry to the warehouse, back there.” he pointed to the other side of the place. At least you wouldn't have to go through the crowd, you could go behind the stage and then through the sides.

An easy work, however, there is always something heavy to do. You agreed and saw the image of Greef Karga getting lost among the nerds he hated so much, precisely because he was one of them since the 1980s. You faced the three boxes, probably full of cables and other production's stuff and ran your hand through your hair to arrange it in a high bun, so it wouldn't disturb you.

You carried each box out of the room and stacked the three outside, closing the door. Okay, you can do it.

Can't you?

Carrying all three at once would save time and of course it was unreliable to take one at a time, leaving it alone and being stolen, who knows? You bend down to try to load them, but it was kind of obvious that it wouldn't work. You try again and even let out a few grunts, but it still doesn't work. The crowd in front of you remains like a cluster of ants that have something better to do and by the rules you should never accept help from anyone but your co-workers.

“Alright.” You sigh and take out your cell phone, texting your closest colleagues.

Nobody answered, nor even read. In half an hour you should be on stage as a good staff and help the cosplay competition.

"That sounds heavy," again, the modulated voice caught your attention.

The helmet's T-visor focused on your eyes, you could feel it.

“Yeah... I don't know if they do this to me because it's my first year at this convention, I had worked in many other but-" a sigh comes out of your lips and he analyses you carefully, with his hands at his sides. “You don't even have to hear that, I shouldn't complain about these things with a-“

You stop when you were going to say something wrong, at least for the situation.

“With a strange nerd wearing an armour and a toy gun around his waist?” His metallic voice sounded serious, but in such a serious way that it was funny.

You kind of laughed, looking around.

“It was just a joke, I guess” he added and then laughed too.

His laugh send a heat to your heart.

“I didn't want to-, I don't even know which character you are, you know... I'm sorry for that, but I really have to start carrying this.” You try to change the subject.

“Would you... would you like some help there, (y/n)?”

The way he says your name behind this half-robot, half-Iron Man effect, sent a shiver down your spine. I wasn't the first stranger to say your name, of course, you carry a damn name tag on your chest. And you would love to accept help, but you shouldn't accept it or someone could see it and then you would lose the next two days of the convention by being fired.

“I thank you, really, but if someone see-"

“No one will see, I can walk behind the stage.” he pointed to the dark part where only employees pass from time to time.

“I can't, really” You smiled in a corner and held the first box in your arms, when an idea came to your mind and you looked to him. “Actually, you can help me...”

He approached the boxes and you put a hand on the path, almost touching the breastplate of the armor. He looked at you, probably confused under the helmet.

“You stay here and watch the two boxes while I take this one. So you help me and no one notices.”

“Okay, I can do this.” His voice sounded amused and you could feel his grin behind the helmet.

“You stay, okay?” You straightened the box in your arms and started walking. “Keep your beautiful armor right where. Don't move"

He laughed and raised his arms as if surrendering. So you kept walking to the dark part of the stage, walking slowly. Halfway there, you thought that you being followed by someone, but it was just an employee passing by quickly without looking at you.

When you arrived at the warehouse door, you turned your back to push this and went in that way with the box still in your arms. Walking around the warehouse was a little difficult with the amount of boxes lying on the floor, especiallyin low light, so you took a look at the box label to find out on which shelf you should leave it. Leaving the box in place, you turned to go back and gave a surprise look when you saw the two other boxes at the door, with a handwritten note on top of these.

“It is a mandalorian armor :) - D.”

A silly little smile formed on your lips and you kept the note.

Of course the most sensible thing to do, having just a few minutes until the competition, was to organize the boxes. After doing this, the first thing that comes to mind is looking for the guy with the helmet in the place where you supposedly left.

But there was no sign of him.

---

After touring the rest of the event trying to find the mandalorian, you gave up. Maybe he got tired of walking around with the costume, or him got too hot to stand with this or he simply had something better to do.

You just sat next to the stage, in the last hope of seeing you going to the cosplay competition in the shiny armor he wore. Each person who walked to the stage caught your attention, but none looked like a mandalorian, and neither they wore a similar armor.

After all, why was it so important? Armor guys comes and goes, it's not the first crazy person who incorporates too much the character to mess with you feelings. It's just a helmet fetish or something like that. There was once a guy who was cosplaying Halo's Masterchief; also had the red Power Ranger, and a black one, and pink ranger too... One time or another you would find him, or find a Boba Fett, who knows? There is still two days of event to find out.

Still, it was funny to remember how he disappears in the crowd, like he didn't really wanted to be noticed. But why the hell he wouldn't want to be? Himself chose to wear armor and come to a cosplay event, and walk around with all that bounty hunter's way around the place pulling out the eyes and whispers from all the nerds girls - and some guys too. And even though perfect in what he set out to do, apparently he doesn't want to be seen. And well, he kind of helped you solve two problems on the same day.

“And to close with a golden key, we will receive with a round of applause the our Witcher, Geralt of Rivia!” the female voice that announced each cosplayer made the thoughts stop a little while you enjoyed the perfect cosplay that paraded on stage.

The colorful lights danced as the cosplayer walked and shook his swords, even put some sound effects behind to bring a little more magic at the moment. Everything in the place became magical, in fact, the very energy that cosplayers exuded behind the stage was full of adrenaline and a touch of anxiety. But still, it was a very good energy. They felt alive to be there, to show that they trained and decorated each step of the character and that they could show it in front of the almost four thousand strangers without fear.

And when you looked at the audience, there he was, standing still and calm as he was all day. You wondered why he didn't sign up for the parade, and why he would still be there if so. The figure shone on the stage lights, with his hands on the bottom of his belly, and looked around like a security camera. It was funny, until he stopped and seemed to be staring directly to you, but not in a totally scary way.

Okay, a bit scary.

The audience went crazy with the cosplayers' performances on stage, you caught yourself with a open mouth now and then. Everyone clapped by the end of the parade and dispersed for a few moments, until the time the result would be announced. This take about 5 minutes at most, so you had to be quick and organize the awards together with Greef and one more intern, Rose. She was always so kind and very friendly to you, so that was easy to get everything prepared in a few minutes and you get up to the stage and gave the woman who presented the competition, so you could run to your comfortable spot behind the stage.

“Well guys,” she started saying in the microphone, looking for the paper on her hands. “It seems like we have our very first two finalists of our cosplay competition today!”

Everyone in the crowd clapped and yelled in excitement, but for the thousand time when you searched for the mandalorian he just disappeared. Well, in the end, he's not the ‘to be found’ type, but the ‘to find you'. So you had an idea.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Thanks for reading! :)

[canyousevmyheavydirtysoul]

Her. (B. Urie x Reader)

For: @Beebolover12 on Wattpad.

Request: I was thinking maybe a stalker type fic, except Brendon keeps finding challenges in the way of making Y/N his.

-

Brendon stood outside of the corner coffee shop, far enough to the side of the building so that he wasn’t visible to all of the impatient patrons inside the store, but still close enough that he could keep his unwavering gaze steeled on her.

Her – the one who had the face of an angel and the presence of a goddess. Her – the one who had captivated him from the very moment he first laid eyes on her. Her – the freelance photographer whose choice to lend her services to a wedding planning company said a lot more about her than she knew.

Her – the one who would hardly ever say more than one sentence to him, but who had undisputedly, wholly captivated every fibre of his being.

In the best – and worst – possible way.

His ears pricked up at the sound of the barista calling out her name, and his hands went to readjust his cap as his eyes searched the room for her, remaining focused on her frame as she weaved her way to the front counter.

With her right hand pressing her cellphone to her ear, she reached for her beverage with her left hand, mouthing a word of thanks to the employee who’d prepared it. The use of her non-dominant hand resulted in a weaker grip on the takeaway cup, and the coffee almost slipped out of her grasp.

Through the window, Brendon could see her lipstick-covered lips part as a small gasp slipped past them, and he shut his eyes for just a second as he imagined what it sounded like.

He reopened his eyes right in time to see her breathe out a sigh of relief at having caught the cup with only minor spillage occurring, and he, too, exhaled.

Careful, (Y/N), he mentally cautioned her. Coffee stains are a bitch to get out; I’d hate for you to spill some on those jeans. They look so good on you.

Coffee in hand, she turned and headed for the exit. There was a slight swagger in the way she walked, and Brendon couldn’t help himself but to steal a glance at her butt.

Oh, and you know it, too. You really shouldn’t tease, (Y/N). It’s not nice.

Watching her end her call before pushing her palm against the door and exiting the shop, he tilted his head down to hide his face from her line of sight and waited a bit – so as to create some distance between them – before proceeding to follow her.

As they treaded down the sidewalk, Brendon kept his frame slouched and his head tilted, allowing people to overtake him and fill up the empty space between him and her – all for the sake of remaining unnoticed. Not that he had to make much of an effort – it was New York on a Monday morning, after all; no one was going to pay any mind to a random guy wearing a baseball cap and trailing behind a girl on the sidewalk.

Especially when there were approximately ten other guys around him doing the exact same thing.

They continued walking for five more minutes before the subway entrance finally came into view. But, instead of turning and walking down the steps like she’d do every morning, she continued on, walking well past the entrance and further down the block.

Brendon’s forehead creased as he confusedly pondered over why she had suddenly deviated from her daily routine, however his confusion was quickly replaced with realisation (and a mild tinge of anger) as he spotted the silver Audi idling in a parking bay along the side of the street.

He doubled-back, reducing his pace to ‘barely-even-moving’, as he watched her climb into the passenger seat of the flashy vehicle. She leaned over to greet the driver, planting a kiss on his lips; Brendon involuntarily clenched his fists.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a glint from inside the car. Averting his gaze from her for a moment, he recognized the source to be the splintering watch adorning her companion’s wrist.

Brendon resisted the urge to roll his eyes. This guy was way too over the top – a typical narcissistic businessman with too much money, which he used to buy showy cars and million-dollar watches and overseas vacation homes, all to overcorrect for his total lack of personality and the shitty way in which he treats women.

You’re still with this guy? Come on, (Y/N). We both know you’re better than that.

Brendon gritted his teeth as he watched the car carry her away, before stepping forward and raising a hand to hail a cab.

But don’t worry, you’ll see the light soon enough.

I’ll make sure of it.

Part 2 in process…

_______________________________

Thank you for reading x

 Taglist:

@darknessdancing

@raversam

@username-number-01834

@untilyouburnallofthewitches

@underscoredarcy

@justawriterinprogress

@anotherwriterinprogress

@sheridans-dynamos

[mountphoenixrp]

We have a new citizen in Mount Phoenix:

                               Doyle Quillian, who is known by no other name;                                                       a 25 year old son of Brigit.                                           He is a pathologist at Asclepius General                                            and a medical specialist for the  MPPD.

FC NAME/GROUP: kim doyoung / nct, nct-127 CHARACTER NAME: doyle quillian AGE/DATE OF BIRTH: 1st February, 1994 (25 years old) PLACE OF BIRTH: Dublin, Ireland OCCUPATION: pathologist at Asclepius General (full time), forensics (medical specialist for the police – on call for murders only), freelance comic book artist, poet and painter, sometimes teaches self-defence classes DEFINING FEATURES: He was often described as having piercing eyes and an infesting smile. He does look serious most of the times, mainly because he is concentrated, but also because his vision is quite bad (he does wear glasses, but not always). He has a birthmark on his hipbone in the shape of a flower because of his mother, and he has the phrase ‘qui tacet consentit’ (lat. silence gives consent) tattooed very small in his handwriting on the inside of his left middle finger.

PERSONALITY: Doyle is simply fascinating. From the way he talks to people, to the way he makes them feel. Even if they are just his little experiment, he offers them something they all crave for deep inside: attention. He is a master of words, and his honest and sharp tongue hits right where it should, when it should. However, he is quite distant, and does not let people know him. He is the type of person who would answer to ‘how are you’ with ‘but how are you’. The less people know about him, the better, because he is very private. Still, somehow, you cannot dislike him, even if he hurts you. He has the alluring charm of a cult leader, and strategy of a psychopath. He distrusts everyone, so it is natural for him to get suspicious and research people. His philosophy tells him that only dead men do not lie.

HISTORY: The Celtic goddess Brigit praises herself in being for the most part driven by her good nature. But it is in the nature of mankind – no exclusion to gods here – to get a little feisty, maybe a little adventurous once in a while. Still, she did not betray her oath to her father – never to bear children, for she was to help other women bear children. The oath never said anything about creating her own children. So she tried, for years and years. She made her first one out of metal, but he did not survive long enough to tell his tale. She tried again, made him out of twigs, but he could not speak so he chose to die. For centuries she tried to forge a child, for she could create none.

It takes two to give life.

He was a wealthy Korean man, who insisted that he was not vile. Perhaps his sweet smile, and kind face betrayed the women who adored him so. He had something for naivety, and those eighteen year olds were perfect for his experiments. Money buys immunity. So when they found the girls, one by one, mutilated, and unrecognisable, they did not think to blame him. They captured another, one that was not innocent, but no murderer. He escaped, and never looked back. Still, there was no denying that he was absolutely beautiful. And handsome people surely deserve to be forgiven for their sins, right?

Brigit forgave him. Whether it was because of the suffocating feeling of love or because of need is unknown. He liked her, very much so. He wanted to make her his, so infatuated he was. He fantasied about bathing in her sweet, virgin blood. But his carnal desire was not fulfilled. Brigit collected his seed, and transformed him. Now, legends can be wrong, or misguiding. The most reliable source talks about a plant, whose scent is so disgusting, it attracts maggots and flies. Yes, it does smell like rotten flesh. And he was transformed into one of those flowers, but what do we know anyways?

With her human seed, and her incredible talent, Brigit managed to forge a child, her first son. He was frail, and she feared he would die in her arms like the others. But he was a fighter. He survived, and they lived together for years. The story could end here, but stories rarely have a happy ending. The boy grew up as handsome as his father, and as talented as his mother. At the age of three, he composed a three verse poem about the frogs on their porch. At the age of five, he inked the tree in their garden on a scroll. At the age of eight, he broke a wooden plaque with his bare hands, and won a strength contest at school. And at the age of ten, he showed an incredible interest and talent in healing, tending small animals and later larger ones. It would have all been wonderful, if Brigit would have not gifted him with one more thing. The seed of a murderer.

His urges were easy to control at first. He never wanted to hurt animals, so tending to their wounds and helping them die has not raised any unwanted needs. And do not get him wrong, he really did try to control himself. But the lure of blood – you cannot understand, not unless you feel it. It started when he was fifteen, and was entering puberty – hormones moving all over. Most teens are motivated to do wrong things because of something so normal it is almost boring. He was unfortunate enough to witness a car crash. Most people would shy away from such experiences, some never really recovering, some would remember them forever and fear cars as a result. But he was not most people. He watched, fascinated as the blood dripped. It flowed and reached his feet, soaking his sneakers. It felt like a force was speaking to him, calling him. He fell on his knees, in the blood. His pants got soaked, his eyes closed, he felt it. A shudder of pleasure, no, it was much more. It was like he has been blind until now, like he has not had water in weeks. And suddenly he could see, and his thirst was no longer there. The authorities thought he fainted out of shock, and he was forced to go to therapy until they assured his mother there was nothing wrong.

Brigit knew better. She feared her secret would be uncovered, and her benevolent father will punish her for creating a monster. But she could not kill him. She just could not. So with her powers of healing, she tried to heal him. She left, made herself gone. Soon, the boy forgot her. Whether he wanted to or not, it is unknown. The only thing he remembers is a head of orange hair leaving, walking towards the sunset. He painted the exact image a thousand times, yet he never found his answer. He was sent to an orphanage, where he grew up until he turned eighteen. He worked very hard to get into college, and chose to study medicine. Well aware that he is special, he used his powers to help the less fortunate.

The story is not over yet.

Doyle, the name he chose for himself, is a part time night crawler – or in modern terms, killer. The chances of getting caught are so low, he is confident he will keep his hobby for years, and years. To drop all gruesome details, just imagine a trail of bodies everywhere he goes, and unsolved cases, or solved cases – under his assistance. Despite his thirst for blood, he kept his moral self in check. He killed out of necessity, so he targeted bad people. Or those he considered to be immoral. Paedophiles, thieves, abusers, rapists, and the like. He hunted them, and tortured them. There is no reason to cut the life of sinners short.

Eventually, he followed a group of friends to Mount Phoenix. Knowing they are special like he is, and with the promise of a better Neverland, he joined them on their one week journey to this mysterious place. And when he got there, he decided that he will never leave. The chaos never ends on Phoenix, and he is there to entertain it.

PANTHEON: Celtic CHILD OF: Brigit POWERS: Doyle is incredibly talented, and is lucky enough to succeed at everything he touches. He is an asset to solving murders, because he can read the dead better than anyone. He is an incredible fighter, martial arts run in his blood but he is not practicing. However, if there were a fight, he could easily face almost any enemy. He is an artist, in every sense of the word. Sometimes dreaming of a better reality, perhaps. He writes poetry in his free time, and blessed by his mother, his source of inspiration seems to never run short. STRENGTHS: talented in medicine, arts, and martial arts WEAKNESSES: has an uncontrollable thirst for blood and violence; he is mentally unstable and antisocial (despite not showing it) – he tends to isolate himself; his luck depends on circumstances, he is not a supernaturally lucky person and things can go wrong and he could be discovered; his emotions do not always work right, most of the times he cannot feel anything (sociopath tendencies); he could lose control of himself if he murders the wrong person – cannot mentally handle guilt

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Do you have a Patreon or something where people can donate to you? You're the goddess of the fandom and I'd love to help you start a Steph's Dream House™ fund!

(referencing this whinge-fest here)

Oh!! Nonny!!! That’s so very very kind of you! *gross sobbing*

Seriously, I’m actually crying.

I don’t actually have a Patreon, mainly because what would I do for it (I’ve thought about doing exclusive writing and art for it, but I just… have a problem with getting stuff done on time)? That and my self esteem is such shit that I’m essentially “no one would sponsor me anyway, everyone hates me”, so yeah. And I’m not sure how it would work with me being a Canadian. Can Canadians use Patreon? I can’t find anything at all in their FAQ. *shrugs* There would be different tax laws and all that junk, I would imagine.

If the interest was ever there besides just the one person (you, Nonny :P), I maybe would consider it.

Anyway, in leu of a Patreon, I do have a very-little-advertised Ko.Fi you can donate to if you desire; it’s hooked up to my Paypal (which you can donate to directly here; either way Paypal still takes a cut of it). There’s a button on my main page, which is almost the same colour as my background, so it’s tough to see, LOL.

I dunno, I guess I just feel bad asking for money, is all. But in all seriousness, THANK YOU, should you decide to donate. Honestly, I really do need the spare change, which for REAL is actually going into my Savings account for a future home. I occasionally dip into my Paypal donations to pay once a year for my domain, but that’s about it. The rest gets transferred to my bank account. 

I’m also a freelance artist (I take commissions) and a graphic designer. So if you need a business card, I can do that too, LOL, if you want something in return for your payment. DM me if y’all are interested :)

[bentchcreates]

Promdi Heart by #romanceclass Goddesses (heehee)

This came in a wonderful time as I had been having bad bouts of homesickness and what better way to travel the Philippines on a budget than to read stories set in them!

While I consider all six authors to be #romanceclass superstars, two of them I’ve had the chance to read only for the first time in this anthology collection. Because the stories are short (I want them all to be longerrrr!), I’ll be reviewing the stories on their own first, and then the whole collection after. Here we go!

1.       Only the Beginning – C.P. Santi

I love the use of Visayan words in the narration and dialogue. (probably because this this the only Filipino dialect I can understand aside from the national language! XD)

As with other CPSanti books, the inclusion of architectural details/jargon is wonderfully done, it doesn’t take away from the romance.

Alon is my spirit animal! Especially that part where he tells Andi, “Dai, don’t you think it’s a sign?”

Scooter-riding MC + Dimpled LI = <3

Text/Chat parts (plus THAT joke! XD). I was a bit wary when a chapter started doing this because it’s too “youth-speak” for me (not that I’m that old!), and past experiences with this type of story-telling tended to get too corny and cringe-y for me. This, however, was okay for me, especially when Martin started the knock-knock joke (to which, I imagined Andi rolling her eyes as she replied) and ended with Andi’s own joke! It made both of them more endearing to me.

This quote: “Happiness is a choice. Happiness is something that doesn’t just happen. It’s something that you grab on to with both hands.” I forget this sometimes, and this is probably why I need to read romance often, so I’m reminded that I have a choice.

2.       Letters to a Boy – Ines Bautista-Yao

90’s old-school snail mail got me so bad! It inspired me to send mail to friends I still knew addresses of.

This story perfectly reflected how relationships could work despite the constraints of space and time. And I’m talking about both Tin-tin and Annette’s friendship and Tin-tin and Nicolas’ romance. ;)

Horseback riding is <3!

Parents! I will forever love characters that take care of their parents!

Biggest turn-on for me is this story’s depiction of MC’s affection’s unrequited beginnings but when the tide turns, Tin-tin doesn’t foolishly fall head-on to the man he’d been pining for. She makes him work for it, and work for it he does!

Tin-tin and Nicolas’ years-long slow-burn love story set the solid foundation for the HEA towards the end!

P.S. the mention of Carrie, the white girl, inadvertently reminded me of that totally unrelated other girl who burned her entire school gym and killed hundreds of people when she was bathed in pig’s blood. Ehe.

3.       Drummer Boy – Chris Mariano

Tall, muscly musicians are my weakness. Argh

The brother’s bestfriend trope is not that unfamiliar to me, but this took me on a wild ride especially at that part where the big brother actually landed a deserving punch to his best friend somewhere along the way.

I love that Reina is a woman of agency, not just in what she wants her guy to be/to do, but in all aspects of her life, as well. She acknowledges how uncomfortable her relationship with Ben might be for her Kuya, but she doesn’t let that get in the way of what her heart is telling her.

I live for the grand gesture in this one!

Chris’ descriptions of all the festivities cemented Ati-Atihan on my list of “Things to Experience Before I turn 40”!

4.       One Certain Day – Jay E. Tria

Very relatable and nostalgic for me because our family’s big on All Saints’/All Souls’ Day celebrations. It never turned as romantic as this, though. Sayang. Heehee.

I also relate to finding old classmates recently and noting how everyone looks different, yet not-so-different, at the same time.

I love that bit about naming children ‘as if with a purpose’

‘Kiligs’ everytime Son comes back to Hagonoy, especially that part where he hands Alice an unfinished song! Eeeeee!

I also love that Alice took charge of her destiny at some point. No more waiting for the guy who’s taking forever to make a move, my god.

There is heartbreak somewhere in here, but it’s done in a mature and realistic way, and it doesn’t ruin anything for me. It makes it even more special, tbh.

5.       Once Upon A Bully – Georgette S. Gonzales

Homecoming stories are near and dear my heart, especially since I’ve been away from home for too long!

Hunky-dunky LI! <3

The Vigan experience here is special because the characters reminisce the Vigan they grew up in and the Vigan now. It perfectly captured one’s love for home that many of us take for granted.

Bridgette’s “the more you hate…” trope is on point!

Bagnettttttttttt!!!!!

6.       Back to the Stars – Agay Llanera

Another homecoming story! YASS!

The scene where Wency’s mother mentions “biskwit” tugged several heartstrings for me. I always feel for remembering the places you grew up in, but I feel MOAR for the people you grew up with!

Wency is sweet AF! His full name is funny to me, but the meaning behind it, and his sisters’ names, makes it extra special.

Leah’s changed attitude after being a City Girl for so long is dealt with realistically. It’s not a bad thing for me, it’s normal. But a sort of redemption in the end made me super happt for her. :)

I ship Leah + Wency so harddd! I mean, Leah Gurl, andami mong choices! Haha!

So there, my review for the individual stories. Hehe. For the whole anthology, my only request is for the authors to expand these stories! I’m very invested in all the characters at this point and I don’t want to part with them just yet! Haha!

Congrats, ladies! And thank you for doing this. My love for the Philippines had been reinforced with these stories and I hope other readers would find our wonderful side of the world as romantic as it is. :)

5 of 5 Stars.

Blurb:

Take a quick tour of the Philippines with six hometown love stories. Visit Jimenez, Misamis Occidental where a priest might just set you up with a man whose dimples are to die for. Visit Silay, Negros Occidental and get on a horse alongside hunky, hazel-eyed Negrense royalty. Visit Kalibo, Aklan and find yourself in the arms of a cute drummer boy who just happens to be your kuya's BFF. Visit Hagonoy, Bulacan and spend All Saint's Day next to a distracting boy who promises to write you a song. Visit Vigan, Ilocos Sur and meet the hot man you used to bully when he was a shy, scrawny boy. Visit Pundaquit, Zambales and find love in a bronzed fisherman whose eyes hold depths you'll want to explore.

Buy Links:

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Promdi-Heart-Hometown-Love-Stories-ebook/dp/B06XY73Q4T/

Print Book Order Form (PH Only): http://bit.ly/promdiheartbook

About the Authors:

C. P. Santi is a Filipina author based in Tokyo, Japan. She is a wife to an engineer / indie songwriter and a full-time mom to two energetic boys. She loves cooking and baking, and enjoys feeding people, gorging on chocolate, watching J-doramas, belting it out in the karaoke box, and running around the house playing tickle tag. She also loves dreaming up stories about the people she meets.

In another life, she is also an architect and academic.

Ines Bautista-Yao is the former editor-in-chief of Candy and K-Zone magazines and a former high school and college English and Literature teacher. She is also a wife and mom and blogs about the many challenges and joys of motherhood at theeverydayprojectblog.com. She also posts story spirals on her author blog: http://theeverydayprojectblog.com/inesbautistayao-author/ You can find her on Instagram and Twitter: @inesbyao, through email: writeme@inesbyao.com, her website: inesbautistayao.com, or Facebook: www.facebook.com/inesbautistayao

Cover (Story) Girl is Chris Mariano's first published romance work, but her speculative fiction and poetry have appeared in Fully Booked's Philippine Graphic/Fiction Awards Prose Anthology, Philippine Speculative Fiction Volume 7, TAYO Literary Magazine, and Ideomancer. When she's not writing, she supports Eskritoryo Pilipinas, an organization that encourages kids to appreciate Filipino literature and culture. She divides her time between Manila and Aklan.

Jay E. Tria is inspired by daydreams, celebrity crushes, a childhood fascination of Japanese drama and manga, and an incessant itch to travel. She writes contemporary young adult and new adult romance. Sometimes, paranormal fantasy too. Visit her website www.jayetria.com. Email: jayetria@gmail.com Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Wattpad: jayetria

Georgette S. Gonzales began writing novels as romance author Edith Joaquin of My Special Valentine Tagalog (Filipino) Romance pocketbooks, published by Bookware Publishing Corp. She started writing in English and self-pubbing works in the middle of 2015. Gette works best at night, is also an editor, a public/media relations consultant, loves to cook pasta dishes and to eat caramel cake.

Agay Llanera is a freelance writer for television and video, and a published writer of children's books based in Manila, Philippines. Get in touch with her through the following: http://agayisagirl.blogspot.com https://www.facebook.com/AgayLlanera https://twitter.com/agayskee

[theo-westenberger]

What Does it Mean to Have Religion?

Contributed by Julie Krzanowski, February 2017

As I write this, I listen to an old prayer from my childhood. It sounds, transliterated, like “hineh matov uma nayim,” although I am unsure how it translates. The melody is familiar, reminds me of blue carpet and pews that squeaked, a rabbi who towered over me, his dark curls falling around his face and my own voice, shaking in front of the synagogue. It reminds me, too, of the community I felt there once, now almost a decade ago. In dreams it fades, in music it awakens.

Somerville, Massachusetts. 2015.  

I sit on the floor of my best friend’s basement apartment. Her friends are circled around the kitchen, people I somehow haven’t seen in years. Plates lay across the table in the opposite room, along with the remains of pancakes and mimosas. Someone asks me a question I can’t remember. Before I can respond, another voice interjects, “You’re not really Jewish though. You’re like me, a bad jew.” I laugh, although I am unsure what I am laughing at. What does it mean to be a bad jew?

Dover, New Hampshire. 2006.

Krista Tippett always starts her podcast, On Being, by asking about the interviewee’s spiritual or religious upbringing. When I think of my own, I think of the gauzy pink dress I wore to my bat mitzvah, how my rabbi made challah without a recipe in the kitchen of our temple, showing me how to knead the dough. I think of the members of the congregation that were old enough to remember what I was taught in school. I think, too, of music, of voices, of Hannukah parties and the smell of latkes, my friends around me. When does your upbringing stop? Where does it begin?

Yom Kippur. New Hampshire & Massachusetts, 2006-2017.

I keep my Yom Kippur traditions to myself, leaving my house full of roommates to sit alone in parks. I write and pray on grasses or on balconies of dorms, in Boston Common or my own backyard. I try to spend the majority of Yom Kippur outside. I believe it is easier to think about renewal this way, to reflect on the year behind me, and to believe in something good in the year ahead.

Cambridge, Massachusetts. 2014.

In my college classes, we never speak about religion as something we might have. I am internally skeptical of the students who are Orthodox jews, not understanding how religion can be all-consuming. In online groups or in liberal discourse, religion is looked down upon. Atheism or agnosticism is the pinnacle of human understanding; a belief in God is just not as evolved.

In a room full of feminists, I couldn’t admit that I had grown up with a God who was always male in my mind. I couldn’t admit that, still, I have a hard time using female pronouns with such an entity, or formulating a gender-neutral version of God in my mind. I have a hard time, really, seeing God as anything.

We often look at religion as man-made, or man-formed. We look at God as something humans made up. What we fail to see is that we make up most of our lives--the stories we tell ourselves and others, what we choose to see and believe about the world, who we surround ourselves with. We form our lives in our waking moments, with all our choices. How is a belief in God different from these choices? How is forming a religion, or a religious belief, any more beneficial or harmful than choosing to be around certain people, media, cities, or attitudes?

Goshen, Connecticut. 2016.

I go to bed before the election results are finalized, but we know what’s coming. My partner joins me later, sometime in the middle of the morning. We fall into each other. Days later, swastikas appear on the schools I used to teach at in Boston, symbols on my newsfeed that I thought I would never have to see. What does it mean to be a Jew?

I start researching, winding my way to Judaica sections of bookstores. I read old prayers, listen to them on Youtube, all the while trying to find the ones that I remember. In the vibrating voices of people I have never met, I remember the reverence I felt when I was a child, the sound of singing around me, of belonging, of community. Here, in the middle of nowhere, I put my headphones in and close my eyes. I don’t know if I want to find my future or my past.

Stoneham, Massachusetts. 2016.

I share Marge Piercy’s Rosh Hashanah poem with my senior students in my AP Lit class. I read it aloud at least three times, for three different sections of students. I explain to them that the holiday is the Jewish new year. We dissect the poem: “I repent better in the waning/season when the blood/runs swiftly and all creatures/ look keenly about them/ for quickening danger. Then I study the rockface of my life.”

What does the rockface of my life look like? What does it mean to have religion? Eight days later, I take off a Wednesday for Yom Kippur. I send my mother the poem.

Atlanta, Georgia. 2016.

While in the botanical gardens, my friend and I pause to look at the earth goddess, huge and towering above us. In the pond in front of her open hands float Chihuly figures, twisted glass on dark water. I imagine it looks beautiful at night, lit up from below. As we meander our way through the paths, large, swooping bridges over us and scarecrows in the trees, we discuss how religion begins. Is a belief in God inherent, something you are born with? Can you ever just choose to believe in him? (And there is the male pronoun again, quick and automatic). My friend compares a belief in religion to an exercise regime: you have to start it to see the results, but once you see them, you keep going. But do you start exercising because you believe the results will come? Or because someone tells you they do, and you say, Okay, Why Not?

Hartford, CT. 2017.

Does religion start with belief, or with ritual? I have always thought a belief in God was beautiful, but I am not sure what that means anymore.

This is still something I am struggling with, because I have a hard time committing to any ritual, and I’m not sure religion must involve a set ritual at a certain time of day anyways. I don’t really know what religion consists of, and how it fits into my life. But I love, at least, that I am finally asking the questions I want to ask, that I am acknowledging my confusion, my possible beliefs, and my convictions that religion and academics, religion and progressiveness, don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

In all that has happened in the last year, religion, or Judaism, has given me at least one gift. It has reminded me that life does continue, that my life is a staircase and I am finally beginning to see more than the step in front of me. It reminds me that time stretches, folds, and loops back to meet us. It reminds me of the expanse of years that lie before me, ones that will bring clarity, precision, life, beauty.

Julie Krzanowski is an English teacher and freelance writer living in Hartford, CT.

[theherblifeblog]

Let's Get Stoned and Zoned with These Suggestions

Leighana Martindale

It’s a weird time where we all have a lot of time to kill! While some of us still have to go to work [You are a hero if this is you!! - thank you!] most of us are slowly starting to lose our minds.

And while there a bunch of amazing ways for us to stimulate our brains during this time, sometimes we just want to get stoned and zone out. So this list is for you if you’re looking for something to help you forget about the state of the world.

6 Netflix Shows to Binge:

Tiger King

This show is absolutely insane and I almost feel like Netflix was sitting on this waiting for us all to be home! This show includes murder, drugs, hillbillies, and a whole lot of big cats! I promise you your mind will be blown and you’ll definitely have a ton of wtf?! Moments during this series.

via GIPHY

Grace and Frankie

This is probably one of, if not my all-time favorite shows. Frankie is by far my favorite television character. Her let loose, fuck it, yet be peaceful attitude is the most relatable and literal goals for when I grow up. Follow along with Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda as their husbands leave them to get married to each other.

via GIPHY

Charmed

The power of three is definitely a power not to be messed with. These badass sister witches fight demons and all different kinds of evil in this nostalgic 90s tv show. Definitely recommend if you’re into mystical types of TV shows - nothing too realistic or violent though, so safe to watch!

via GIPHY

Gilmore Girls

Ahh yes, the mother-daughter duo that we all want to be. Another nostalgic tv show, step back in time with Gilmore girls and even the year in the life Netflix series they did.

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Love is Blind

Normally I am not one for reality tv and definitely not one to recommend it but this experiment was so addicting to watch! The premise is that people meet in these pods so you never see the person, only talk to them - the end goal being to fall in love and get married! It’s crazy, Smoke a joint and watch it, you’ll be into it.

via GIPHY

Shine On

Causing a range of emotions, this show is so well done and so badass. Reese Witherspoon meets with different badass women from different sectors of work and talks with them about their jobs and social constructs. You will probably cry, and it’ll probably be during the episode with p!nk.

11 Instagram Accounts to Follow

The following accounts are our faves and we think you might like them too!

@xeniaadonts

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A Sunday well spent 🥺🥰❤️ what has everybody been doing today?

A post shared by Xenia Adonts (@xeniaadonts) on Apr 5, 2020 at 10:59am PDT

@realfunwow

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A post shared by daren thomas magee (@realfunwow) on Mar 30, 2020 at 7:20am PDT

@savinamonet

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✨ True Goddess vibes today! ✨ #goddessvibesonly #cannabiscollage #weedart #savinamonet

A post shared by Freelance Cannabis Designer (@savinamonet) on Feb 27, 2020 at 1:35pm PST

@smokeladyjays

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Rule #299: Be a bad bitch, be whatever you want✨ #smokeladyjays . . . . . . . . . . #portland #joints #jays #jointpacks #prerolls #cbg #cbd #thc #pdx #portlandoregon #oregon #supportwomen #neonsign #badbitch #cannabis #hemp #cannabiscreative

A post shared by @ smokeladyjays on Mar 11, 2020 at 6:01pm PDT

@the_herblife

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0 days without sarcasm ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ Model @iamcatjay Photography @just_callme_t T-shirt @shopherblife

A post shared by The Her(b) Life (@the_herblife) on Aug 1, 2019 at 10:11am PDT

@mysticmamma

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*NEW MOON* in SAGITTARIUS 11/26/19 After plunging the depths we rise! Those of us who gave up the ghost are resurrecting from the funeral pyre. Sagittarius brings us a passionate impulse to radically burst forth in a new direction, to cast off our clothing and shackles, and let our arrows fly. And while there’s a real wind that can lift us to higher ground, we can temper our impulses with a grounded strategic vision to expand in the ways our Soul has deeply desired. It’s the result of genuine healing which allows us to be brave hearts, ready to face whatever challenges may arise, because we are coming from our authentic truth. That is the freedom net that Sagittarius casts forth, as the light breaks upon the horizon… ::: PAT LILES says : “our horizons expand : Axis Mundi : allow love and connection to all beings be the guiding force : release where we have felt wounded in love and respect : acceleration and evolution: differentiating from the dominant culture : deep in our dream-creating essence : welcome in what awaits us after our lengthy surrender of the old” : PAM YOUNGHANS: “tune our thoughts to the right vibrations in order to attract the right results : AND being open to the Will of the Cosmos” : APRIL ELLIOT KENT: “Envisioning something that hasn’t existed before : ignore nay-sayers : resist the urge to imitate others : keep dreaming bigger dreams for ourselves, and for our world” : ELLIAS LONSDALE: “something extraordinary is happening : liberated to conceive the inconceivable and to renew your tangled and damaged roots in the old wise woman way that never ages and always works” ::: Full download >mysticmamma.com ARTbyme #MYSTICMAMMA > “EROS ARROW” (Edited) Limited Edition Prints in shop ↠🖤

A post shared by MYSTIC MAMMA (@mysticmamma) on Nov 25, 2019 at 8:22am PST

@comfortablefields

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Checking every flower until I find me🖤

A post shared by Sabrina Bosco (@comfortablefields) on Feb 9, 2020 at 9:51am PST

@_kallenmikel

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Today is the last day of my buy two get one special. Buy two prints get one free (even when you use the code stayhealthy for 35% off). Dm or email me which print you’d like added to your order.

A post shared by Kallen Mikel Art (@_kallenmikel) on Apr 6, 2020 at 7:13am PDT

@futureearth

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I just want to be able to tell my kids I did everything I could.

A post shared by steph & max 🌏 (@futureearth) on Mar 23, 2020 at 8:32am PDT

@kimmietorgerson

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i'm viewing this time as our opportunity to reconnect with ourselves and the people and place that gives us life (ahem, planet earth). life has been stripped back for the majority of the world. we've lost access to daily distractions. we're forced to isolate. some of us are really, really sick. some of us don't have the privilege to stay at home. yet all of us are going through this together. how are you treating others during this time? have you reached out and checked in? are you checking in with yourself? if you have access, are you engaging with nature? have we all thought about how our earth gives and gives and gives, how humans take and take and take? are you observing how this whole thing has interrupted your typical daily consumption?

A post shared by kimmie torgerson (@kimmietorgerson) on Mar 22, 2020 at 11:39am PDT

@highvibecurator

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It’s all in the details baby, what are you manifesting? #dailyaffirmations #dailymotivationalquotes

A post shared by High(er) Vibrations (@highvibecurator) on Mar 22, 2020 at 11:17am PDT

Strains to Puff Puff on:

- GDP

Granddaddy Purple is one of my favorite Indica cultivars. With deep purple notes and a strongly sweet and earthly aroma, it’s hard not to enjoy this strain and its one that’s been around for years.

- Hindu Kush

Another amazing Indica, and one with an international fan base, Hindu kush has that deep piney smell with strong notes of caryophyllene.

- Orange Cookies

This delicious strain not only has notes of sweet orange but that pungy gasoline smell that a lot of the cookies family is infamous for.

- Sour Tangie

Of course a true favorite, sour tangie is a delicious cross of tangie x sour diesel giving you that sweet orange with a sour chem flavor that is strong! If you’re lucky enough to get some bud from the highly sought after genetics - which comes from true NY sour diesel genetics, then you should count your blessings and use a hemp-wick!

[p.s.: smoking with Hemp-wick helps you taste the true terpene profile of a flower instead of burning those flavors with butane]

- Do-si-dos

A huge hit in cannabis markets across the world lately, do-si-dos has a strong and pleasant aroma to it and is apart of the cookies family. Do-si-dos genetics are og kush x girl scout cookies so you can imagine how tasty it truly is.

- Helen Back

This strain has such a good terpene profile and beautiful bud structure, especially when you are getting high noon cult’s cut of it! Their genetics and the love they put into their bud’s are amazing! Helen back is an animal cookies cross and one I would highly recommend seeking out!

[argorpg-blog]

CONGRATULATIONS and welcome to the crew of the Argo II, IZZIE! The Gods have spoken: welcome aboard AGAPI, known as JOSEFINA ROMERO, with a faceclaim of KELSEY MERRITT. Please take a look at our checklist, and send in your account in the next 24 hours.

ADMIN NOTES: Agapi had a lot of competition, which made choosing a suitable character near impossible. We went back and forth between the apps, but eventually, Izzie, you won us over with your portrayal of Agapi. Josefine is passionate, burdened, and you really managed to capture her free spirit. We really loved the little sprinkles of history throughout your application, and you had so many little one-liners that just blew us away (Don’t you remember, daughter of love? You once wanted a life like this, too.) Well done!

NAME/ALIAS: Izzie

AGE, TIMEZONE, PRONOUNS: 22, PST, she/hers

ACTIVITY & EXTRAS: Currently juggling an internship and freelancing, but I’ll be able to post replies at least once or twice a week. Ideally, I’d get on around every other day. I’ll be pretty active OOC for anything else, and I’ll be around most of the time for any plotting and chatting! So I guess around a 7/10 for activity.

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED SKELETON: Agapi

CHARACTER NAME: Josefina Magdalena Romero

AGE & GENDER: 271 ( immortally 22 ) & cis female

FACECLAIM: Kelsey Merritt, Nadine Lustre, Liza Soberano

BIOGRAPHY:

I. Trinidad Romero is trouble, so the rumors go, the wildest of the mayor’s three daughters. Mothers attempt to keep their sons from falling for her, and wives hold their husbands closer as if it would be her fault if she is pursued, but she has no need of barrio men when she loves a god.

Not that she knows he is one.

All she knows is that stories of lands beyond Ilocos fall from his lips, and that he does not care she is bold and defiant and careless. That it does not matter to him she does not want to run a house and bear responsibility like her mother does and her sisters will. She loves him because he lets her be who she is, and she loves him even when he leaves, abandoning her and the baby in her belly to the sharp thorns of scandal.  

II. Death takes Trinidad as her daughter enters the world. Josefina has a nose like her mother’s, and her aunt hopes she will grow just as beautiful but nowhere near as bold. Doña Emelda decides that her niece will not answer for Trinidad’s transgressions, and that she will be raised properly so that her life might turn out better than her mother’s.

Unfortunately for Emelda, Josefina grows to be almost as beautiful and twice as bold. She makes up for it with magnetic charm and easy grace, and she is a clever child with her younger cousins under her thumb while she chases after her older ones. The foundation of her life is a happy one—she learns to sing and to play piano when they can get her to sit still, and she is bursting full of stories no one knows the origin of. As the years pass, she makes many friends and admirers among her peers. She enchants her elders so they forgive her faults just like they did with her mother, and she becomes so loved that they all might forget how she came to be.

III.  Her father first comes to her in a dream.

Or, at least, she thinks it is a dream, for the only God she knows is the one she asks for blessings at dinner, the one she worships every Sunday with a lace veil draped over her bowed head.

But who is to say gods like him, other gods, do not exist? Did not her ancestors believe they walked among deities, that diwata lived in mountains and the moon and girls turned into flowers? They believed until the Spanish told them not to, until conquistadors and priests brought God with them and crushed the tales of old beneath their righteous feet. And the world is wide, much wider than she knows. Who is to say her father is not really who he claims to be?

( And it would make sense her proud, enthralling mother would ensnare a god. There are many stories and falsehoods about the brightest of the Romero sisters, but this dreamworld with its ethereal man and suspension of reality, this is the truth. )

Eros does not visit her often, but she can tell he is proud of her, of how freely she loves though her heart is broken again and again and her world whispers she is sinning. To love without abandon. To love with disregard for consequence. Is that not the essence of who he is?

IV. Ang ganda naman, murmurs the wind like an omen, carrying the thoughts of the townspeople. How pretty she is. How like her mother. How many hearts she will break.

But what about her heart? Is it not a fragile thing, too?

V. She loves a boy whose heart belongs to their country more than to her, who comes to her in fleeting moments when time bids him so. But he does not, will not, root himself to her, even for all her honey-sweet words and tender touches. Even for the power she infuses into all she does for him so he may laugh for her. What good is being a god’s daughter if she cannot enchant him more than the idea of change? Of freedom? How can she when she wishes for the same? They are both fighting losing battles, and her heart breaks when he leaves her, death close at his heels and a false promise on his lips—

She swears not to love again, though she knows this is a falser promise than his.

She loves a girl who she kisses under starlight because day will not let them be anything other than cherished friends. She does not even have to do anything at all to get the girl to look at her, does not have to pull at invisible strings. And she loves her more for it, loves her until she cannot, until the girl is promised to another and Josefina must plaster a fake smile on her face and spit out fake well-wishes. Until they can no longer pretend they live where girls can love girls without fearing danger for their souls and star-crossed lovers are not fated to be forced apart by the end of the story—

She swears not to love again, though she knows sorrow will not stop her heart from bleeding.

A man loves her and she does not love him as much back, feelings fading as stone is worn away by rain until she might no longer love him at all. He plies her with flattery and gifts and grand declarations, but they are not enough for the girl who has loved too much.

For this is what she wonders: Does he love her for who she is or for her father’s blood running through her veins, casting a spell that pulls others into her orbit when she smiles and holds their gaze? Or have the lines blurred, the spell broken, yet he is still enamored all the same? She does not know, but she knows his touch feels more like damnation than salvation, like four walls closing in rather than wide open space. I will have you until the end of time, he says, and it is poetic. Death do us part. But her life is hers and hers alone, and she knows she cannot stay—

She does not love again. She shuts her heart closed to be free.

VII. You ungrateful girl, Emelda hisses as they watch the smitten man leave for the umpteenth time. Josefina hopes it is the last. See, here is a man throwing himself at you, a rich man who would give you all you desire and keep you happy. It’s a good match. You’re lucky he loves you.  

Yet Josefina is not happy. And he cannot give her what she desires, for she wants freedom that he will not give. That his love will not give, and not any love after that because all her loves take too much of her even when she should know better. Love, exhilarating, maddening thing that it is, leaves her both voracious and spent.

But she cannot tell anyone this, for who will listen to reckless, passionate girls who do nothing but disappoint? Who defy all that’s expected of good, virtuous girls? She prays and she prays for someone to hear her, rosary beads smooth under her fingers. It is not God or saints or the Virgin who answer her, but a moon goddess with a bow and a promise: Give up love and you will be free. Give up these earthly ties and you will not be buried in the ground.

( Hearing the call of Artemis and her hunters now, Josefina imagines this is how the rebel she once loved must have felt when he could not keep from reaching for the horizon even when he was held back. )

Her father visits her again, the anger and disappointment etched onto his face matching her aunt’s, but somehow it is worse. Shards of guilt cut at her, but why must she feel guilty for wanting to be happy? You are lucky to love, he tells her. Lucky to be loved. Love is everything you are. A bitter laugh rises in her throat. She should be so lucky if love’s tangled web only ensnares her and another.

Even if she is his daughter, Eros does not care if love brings her joy or leaves her heartbroken, for love is both beautiful and ugly, both fleeting and steadfast. It has the power to uplift and destroy. It is the essence of who he is. And who are you, daughter of love, to dare defy that?

Oh, but she dares. Just as her mother dared to love a man—a god—she was never supposed to, Josefina dares to choose a life she was never meant to have. It breaks her heart to turn her back on her father, but she does.

If this is what she must do to snip this lovespun web, then this is what she will do.

( She hopes her mother is watching her from wherever she is, be it Heaven or the Underworld or elsewhere. Are you, at least, proud of me? )

VIII. The first time she sees snow a smile as bright as day breaks across her face.

Her bird of a heart swoops and soars, freed from its cage of expectation. When she tastes the cool melt of snowflakes on her tongue, she thinks for not the first time since she has become a hunter: This is what it means to be free. Sometimes, she wonders what would have happened if she had not turned her back on all she knew and all she loved. What if she had married that rich man with his beautiful house and beautiful words? She would have been rich, too, but might have grown bored. Perhaps he would have sought a mistress, like so many men she knew did, and torn her heart out in the process. And what if she married a poorer man who offered little but his heart? Would she be happy then, or would she still want for material things and a better life? And what if she grew again not to love a man at all? The secret of it might grow too painful to bear. What if, what if, what if—

She comes to the same conclusion every single time: Different fates, but prisons all the same. Ilocos and heartbreak would be all she knew, but now— the world is so full of wonder love can never give her.

It has not even been a decade since she has taken the oath of Artemis, and perhaps this is why immortality has not weighed on her like some of her sisters. Perhaps this is why it is still so easy for her to scorn love for the poison she believes it is, for the trouble it has brought her more than joy. But even when decades pass and the world changes, she is unwavering. Even when her favorite hunter, Beatriz, falls in love with a boy with a tender heart and skin like mahogany. Her love for this boy might be so valuable a jewel that she would risk Artemis’ wrath for it, but Josefina isn’t convinced it’s worth it.

Or so she tells herself.

Because when she visits them decades later and they are old while she is young, she sees how much they care for each other. How much love is passed between them in the cooking of a meal, a few words, or the entwining of hands. And it hits her like an arrow. This could have been her. This would have been her.

Don’t you remember, daughter of love? You once wanted a life like this, too.

IX. She has seen her country break free from the conqueror’s grasp only to come under the hands of another and another until finally, they have the freedom she sought herself centuries ago. So many lives have touched her soul; so many lives leave this world while she remains. So many wars she’s seen, and so much violence and treachery and vengeance. There is blood on her hands, but she would rather have that than her own ichor spilled onto the weapon of another.

But amidst the suffering and tragedy is good in the world, in how people love each other in so many ways more than the one she took an oath not to, in their laughter and triumph and kindness. It is this good she wants to protect, so when she is called to join this quest, she doesn’t hesitate. She has seen enemies come together to fight before, and she can only hope history repeats itself this time.

( Let us play a game: What is worse, the depth of darkness in humanity or the malicious hunger of a waking Earth goddess? )

FATAL FLAW/DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC:

She loves wholly and passionately without regard for consequence until it is too late. It’s only later that she sees she’s spent too much on herself on someone who does not care as much as they should, or that someone who loved her too much and she did not love as much back sacrificed too much of themselves for a capricious girl whose eye was turned somewhere else. Naturally, neither make for very good post-break-up relationships, but they won’t kill her. Her heart has broken again and again, but it is still beating, and it will still beat until she gives herself into a love that will lead her to death. Love can be fatal if she wants to die for someone she loves, and she would walk through fire for someone she’d give all of herself to. But as a huntress sworn off love, that can’t happen, right?

EXTRAS

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Headcanons:

Knows several languages and dialects, including Tagalog, Spanish, Ilocano, Bicol, Visayan, English, Greek, Latin, Mandarin and Cantonese Chinese, Italian, and French. She’s got a lot of time to learn languages.

Likes singing, dancing, and playing the piano.

Is constantly fascinated by technology. Doesn’t always keep up. Likes playing Animal Crossing. Has to have memes explained to her.

Has an unplaceable accent. Doesn’t really use slang. Probably texts with good grammar and proper capitalization.

She’s always been clever, and she’s been quenching her thirst for knowledge with a variety of subjects: linguistics, politics, the arts, strategy.

When she’s not in battle or hunting, she likes favors comfort and simplicity in her clothing. If we look at trends now, she’s a big fan of culottes. Likes long skirts, flowing dresses, and linen blouses and pants. Detests jeans and tight-fitting dresses. Tends to dress modestly without really making a conscious effort, as this is simply what she knows best and is comfortable with, but doesn’t care about the clothing choices of others. The only items of jewelry she owns are a necklace from her mother and a bracelet from her aunt.

Camp Half-Blood is her second home. Her first home is with Artemis and her fellow hunters, of course, but CHB offers a sense of stability. It’s nice, being around demigods. It makes her understand herself a little better even if she’s gotten centuries to get to know herself. Other than the archery range, her favorite place is the beach. The strawberry fields are a close second.

Personality:

Her impetuous nature has been tempered by time, and she no longer wears her heart on her sleeve like she did before ( or at least, not as much ), instead coming off as lot more composed with a thread of vivacious youth running through her. Endlessly curious and finds how society is always changing fascinating. Things have come so far since she was born, and she’s glad for it.

There’s still some of that passion she was so known for before she took the oath of Artemis, and she’s quick to jump to the defense of her sisters, friends, and those who cannot defend themselves. She would say family, as well, but she’s lost track of her descendants long ago. Hates injustice of any kind. Advocate for fighting your oppressors and the patriarchy.

For the most part, she’s outgoing and amiable, always eager to meet someone new or venture into the unknown, but there seems to be a wall put up between her and others. She’s always afraid to get too close to someone in fear she’ll inevitably lose them, whether because of distance or death, or that she won’t be able to keep from finally falling in love after all these years. You might not notice it at first, as she’s perfected the art of casual friendliness and guileless smiles, but there’s something withdrawn about her. There’s a reason she’s not keen on accepting the help of others aside from her fellow hunters, and it’s not because she’s unappreciative.

In moments she keeps to herself, she grows weary—as if the weight of all the time in the world is too heavy and all she’d like to do is get rid of it. But that comes at too high a cost, so she swallows it down and carries on.

aesthetic: a smooth bow held in capable hands. the rosy glow of sunrise. dark hair tumbling down shoulders like a river. lace embroidery. the sweet taste of ripe mango. words rolling off your tongue like a song. faded pages of worn sheet music. an ache you can’t place, or perhaps are too afraid to.

Plots/Arcs:

I. Not only did she face pressure from her father, but also her family and the society she left behind. If she married, it would be to a man, and even better if it was a rich man. A poor man would only result in disapproval and hardship even with the promise of happiness. Josefina might fall in love as easily as a bird taking flight and as wholly as a person possibly can ( it runs in her blood, after all ), but what’s the point of loving when you aren’t even allowed to love who you want to? In 1769, the year she turned 22, she thought it was easier to just run away from love than dealing with the pressures of it. Her options were either to join a nunnery or join Artemis, and honestly, becoming a hunter with promises of immortality, sisters-in-arms, and endless travel sounded much more enticing than pledging her mortal life to God.

But now, nearly 300 years later, with a much freer world with looser morals, as her aunt, God bless her soul, would have put it, Josefina notices it’s much easier now to love who you want to. There are difficulties all the same, but still not as constricting as she once knew it. This is all to say that, in her opinion, if she wanted to fall in love, this is the century to do it. But she can’t! Because she’s a huntress and pledged not to ever! I would love for her to grapple with that choice she made so many years ago because she thought it was right, and now she’s wondering if she’d been wrong, or she’s only beginning to second-guess herself because of all the time that’s passed. And maybe she could fall in love along the way at the threat of possibly ruining her life and losing the hunters and her immortality. ( She’d really like to not be turned into an animal. )

II. Her first love died when she was 16, executed along with the rest of the rebels during the Silang Rebellion; she learned grief at an early age. This comes into play with her connection with Apatheia, who she treats kindly if only because others rarely do, but still keeps her distance. Maybe eventually, she could close that distance. Could bring herself to ask what’s happened to that boy she loved so long ago, along with everyone else she ever loved or couldn’t bring herself to. Maybe that would bring some closure to her, or maybe it would let loose a river of grief she wouldn’t know how to stop. I’m here for internal turmoil.

III. Here she is, thrown on a boat without one of her sisters in sight. Instead, she has thirteen other demigods for company, and half of them detest each other. Makes for great team-building. It’s been a long time since it’s been like this—she’s pretty much always had the company of her fellow hunters. I think she’d adjust well enough, but maybe this would allow her to question herself more without constantly being around the whole “you never fall in love” thing. Is freeing herself from love really freedom? Should she have fought for both instead? Was she brave for cutting off her father and everything he stood for, or was she really just a coward, running from her problems?

I think it’d also be a good opportunity to make deeper friendships, because while I’m sure she’s friends with other demigods, I don’t think she’s as close to them as she could be because she has her sisters-in-arms and doesn’t really think she needs to go any deeper. ( They’ll all leave her, anyway. ) But I want at least someone to break down that wall she has. Get her to open up, see that people are worth trusting and depending on even if it might not be forever. Maybe even be friends with a Roman.

[connecticut-seo-adwords]

The ladies who made SEO great

I remember it like it was yesterday.The year was 2000 and

I was invited to speak at the Dallas Browse Engine Techniques conference. Back then, SES wasn't the huge, three-day monstrosity it is today. Think of an actually big room with a bunch of roundtables. Yeah, that was the conference.I was speaking

with Jill Whalen on writing for online search engine-- and kid, was I anxious! I have a clear memory of stating a quiet prayer before we started our session. I was that stressed! Back then, I didn't understand lots of ladies in SEO (and the ones I did know about were faithful subscribers/commentators in I-Search, the main discussion list for our market.) I keep in mind meeting Barbara Coll during SES Dallas. I also met Shari Thurow. It seemed like the majority of the SEO crowd back then were men.My, how times have changed.Today, females rock the SEO world. When I go to conferences, the gender ratio is 50/50-- and lots of more females are leading business and hold some quite nice power positions. It's a fantastic thing to see.This post (and there will be a follow-up, too) features the

females who made SEO terrific. These wise females remained in the trenches back at the start and be worthy of to be commemorated. They have actually unselfishly led conversation lists, constructed resources, and helped set best practices. I am happy to call a lot of them my close friends.Get to understand these women and certainly follow them on Twitter. They have a lot to share and teach you.Thank you, girls

. You inspire me every day.Kim Krause Berg-- Kim started developing websites in 1995 and within a year introduced her own SEO/Usability consulting company, Cre8pc.

Her remarkable client list consists of Geico, USC Info Innovation Program, and the Discovery Channel-- Travel. Kim is a regular contributor to Online search engine Land, developing articles from effective marketing and web style to why blending use and SEO really matters. Follow Kim at @kim_cre8pc. Christine Churchill-- Hands down, Christine is one of the nicest folks in SEO. Aspresident of KeyRelevance, Christine has well over a years of experience in the online marketing world. She has actually marketed cruise lines

and hotels, steel foundries, schools, ecommerce websites-- the list goes on! A widely known market speaker, Christine has appeared at Browse Marketing Expo, Online Search Engine Techniques, High Ranking Seminars, and is a regular factor to industry publications consisting of SearchDay, Browse Engine Guide and more. Follow Christine at @ChrisChurchill. Barbara Coll-- An early advocate of web marketing, Barbara started WebMama in 1996 due to the fact that she"didn't think people understood the worth of search generated visitor traffic." From there, she rapidly ended up beinga recognizedleading specialist in Online search engine Marketing. As the founding President and Chairperson of the Board of the Browse Engine Marketing Expert Organization( SEMPO), Barbara has helped to increase awareness and promote the worth of online search engine marketing worldwide. Follow Barbara at @webmama. Debra Mastaler-- With a diverse background-- including 15 years' marketing Anheuser-Busch and operating a naturalfood and clothes directory-- Debra transitioned to being the link goddess we understand and love today. As President of Alliance-Link, Debra trains Fortune 500 companies

and top SEO firmson link building best practices. Among her many distinctions, Debra was featured amongst Browse Marketing Requirement Publication's 2011"Ladies of Web Marketing"and voted among Level 343's Leading SEO Women of 2011. Debra is likewise an included visitor speaker at SES conferences and SMX expo's. She is a writer for Online search engine Land and Online Search Engine Guide, and blogs at her own website, Link Spiel. Follow Debra at @debramastaler. Susan O'Neil-- As CEO and Creator of Website Promotion, Susan developed a digital marketing company in 1998, long before the online marketing explosion. Website Publicity has an remarkable list of clientsthat consist of Green Mountain Coffee Roasters, and Lindt Swiss Chocolatiers, USA. She likewise co-authored Maximize Website Traffic, among the first books on SEO ever published. Follow Susan at @suejon. Jessie Stricchiola-- One of the founding board members of the esteemed Search Engine Marketing Specialist Company, SEMPO, Jessie has actually been" toying around" with search engines because 1997. The Principal at Alchemist Media-- which is regularly ranked by B2B Publication as one of the Top 100 Browse Marketing Companies-- Jessie originated the charge against PPC click fraud and has actually been included in The Wall Street Journal, Inc. Magazine, and NPR. She co-authored the book, The Art of SEO, and works as a litigation consultant onweb associated problems. Follow Jessie @ltstricchi(secured account). Laura Thieme-- A 15-year veteran of SEO, Pay Per Click, and website/keyword conversions, Laura is the CEOof Bizwatch Browse Analytics and owner of Bizresearch, which she started in 1997. She is a frequent speaker at SMX conferences, and has actually been featured inthe New York Times,Internet Retailer, TechNewsWorld and Search Engine Enjoy. A popular Google Analyticsguru, Laura was called as a professional witness in a case including hallmark and metatags. Follow Laura @bizwatchlaura. Shari Thurow-- Shari was the very first lady-- person-- who made individuals think of"search engine friendly sites,"and has actually beendeveloping websites considering that 1995. Today, she's a regular speaker at market conferences(in truth, I had the enjoyment of consulting with her during SMX West in March)and a regular contributor to Online search engine Land. Shari has been included in many publications, including the New York Times, USA Today, Wi r ed, and PC World. Her search-usability site, Omni Marketing Interactive, offers fantastic resources. Shari is the author of Online search engine Visibility and co-author of Where Search Fulfills Web Usability. Follow Shari at @sharithurow (protected account). Dana Todd -- Understood for her imaginative hair color(presently a dazzling jeweltone purple), Dana has more than 17 years experience in digital marketing and is valued for her smart, no-nonsense speaking style. She's likewise a past chairwoman for SEMPO after serving on their board. Today, she's Senior V.P. of Marketing and New Service and V.P. of Perfomance Development at Performics, and a desired industry speaker. Dana has been included in the Wall Street

Journal, Service Week, and The Street. Follow Dana at @danatodd. Amanda Watlington-- Amanda is one super-smart lady. Her impressive resume consists of dealing with 3m, Sharp Electronics, Mercedes Benz and Washington Mutual. She's also a respected author, and has authored scads of articles and 2 books including Company Blog sites: A Practical Guide( co-authored with Bill Ives.)Her site, Searching for Earnings, says all of it-- she's helping companies build long-lasting lucrative relationships with their customers. Follow Amanda at @amandaw. Jill Whalen-- JillandI began our SEO conference

journey together and we were company partners for quite a few years(who keeps in mind the RankWrite newsletter?) Today, Jill is the CEO of High Rankings and has been in SEO considering that1995. She is a prolific author and contributes frequently to Online search engine Land and Talent Zoo. She also runs the High Rankings Newsletter, which has about five million followers( OK, not 5 million-- but she has a lot!)Follow Jill at @jillwhalen. And if

you 'd indulge me as the blog editor( Laura Crest ), I want to add a first-generation, initial SEO lady who has taught me all I understand about SEO, and who has generously-- often patiently-- mentored and motivated me each and every step of the method my SEO copywriting career ... Heather Lloyd-Martin-- Referred to as" Firecracker"to some of her SEO good friends, Heather is a widely-recognized professional, speaker, and SEO authority who has spread the SEO copywriting word around the world. She established the SEO Copywriting Certification training program, was profiled in the book Internet marketing Heroes, and is the instant past-chair of the DMA's Browse Engine Marketing Council. Just this year, she was voted as one of Level 343's Top Females of SEO, 2012. Heather is President and CEO of SuccessWorks, and can be found online here, at SEO Copywriting. Follow Heather at @heatherlloyd. Stay tuned! Next week we'll broaden our list of ladies who have actually helped form the SEO industry(and made it fantastic!)with the second wave of SEO Women to honor.(So if it appears that we have actually forgotten someone, it's most likely that she'll be featured in Part 2). In the meantime, our sincere thankfulness to these SEO "old guard"( a.k.a.,"initial gangsta ")women for constructing the SEO industry, blazing the proverbial path, and directing the rest people! You rock! Wish to dramatically increase your income as a freelance copywriter? Think about getting your certification in SEO Copywriting, taught by the widely-recognized leader of the SEO industry, Heather Lloyd-Martin. Her trainingis the just online SEO Copywriting Training Program individually endorsed by SEOPros.org. Check into it and make 2012 the year you turn your biz around!

Source

http://seocopywriting.com/the-women-who-made-seo-great/

[cstesttaken]

The women who made SEO great

I remember it like it was yesterday.

The year was 2000 and I was invited to speak at the Dallas Search Engine Strategies conference. Back then, SES wasn’t the huge, three-day monstrosity it is today. In fact, imagine a really big room with a bunch of roundtables. Yeah, that was the conference.

I was speaking with Jill Whalen on writing for search engines – and boy, was I nervous! I have a clear memory of saying a silent prayer before we started our session. I was that stressed out! 🙂

Back then, I didn’t know many women in SEO (and the ones I did know about were faithful subscribers/commentators in I-Search, the main discussion list for our industry.) I remember meeting Barbara Coll during SES Dallas. I also met Shari Thurow. But it seemed like the majority of the SEO crowd back then were men.

My, how times have changed.

Today, women rock the SEO world. When I go to conferences, the gender ratio is 50/50 – and many more women are leading companies and hold some pretty nice power positions. It’s a wonderful thing to see.

This post (and there will be a follow-up, too) features the women who made SEO great. These smart females were in the trenches back at the beginning and deserve to be celebrated. They have unselfishly led discussion lists, built resources, and helped set best practices. I am proud to call many of them my close friends.

Get to know these women and definitely follow them on Twitter. They have a lot to share and teach you.

Thank you, ladies. You inspire me every day.

Kim Krause Berg– Kim began designing websites in 1995 and within a year launched her own SEO/Usability consulting business, Cre8pc. Her impressive client list includes Geico, USC Information Technology Program, and the Discovery Channel – Travel. Kim is a frequent contributor to Search Engine Land, creating articles from successful marketing and web design to why blending usability and SEO really matters. Follow Kim at @kim_cre8pc.

Christine Churchill  – Hands down, Christine is one of the nicest folks in SEO. As president of KeyRelevance, Christine has well over a decade of experience in the online marketing world. She has marketed cruise lines and hotels, steel foundries, schools, ecommerce sites – the list goes on!  A well-known industry speaker, Christine has appeared at Search Marketing Expo, Search Engine Strategies, High Ranking Seminars, and is a regular contributor to industry publications including SearchDay, Search Engine Guide and more. Follow Christine at @ChrisChurchill.

Barbara Coll – An early advocate of web marketing, Barbara started WebMama in 1996 because she “didn’t think people understood the value of search generated visitor traffic.” From there, she quickly became a recognized leading expert in Search Engine Marketing. As the founding President and Chairperson of the Board of the Search Engine Marketing Professional Organization (SEMPO), Barbara has helped to increase awareness and promote the value of search engine marketing worldwide. Follow Barbara at @webmama.

Debra Mastaler – With a diverse background – including 15 years’ marketing Anheuser-Busch and operating an organic food and clothing directory – Debra transitioned to being the link goddess we know and love today. As President of Alliance-Link, Debra trains Fortune 500 companies and top SEO firms on link building best practices. Among her many accolades, Debra was featured among Search Marketing Standard Magazine’s 2011 “Women of Internet Marketing” and voted one of Level 343’s Top SEO Women of 2011. Debra is also a featured guest speaker at SES conferences and SMX expo’s. She is a columnist for Search Engine Land and Search Engine Guide, and blogs at her own site, Link Spiel. Follow Debra at @debramastaler.

Susan O’Neil – As CEO and Founder of Website Publicity, Susan established a digital marketing agency in 1998, long before the internet marketing explosion. Website Publicity has an impressive list of clients that include Green Mountain Coffee Roasters, and Lindt Swiss Chocolatiers, USA. She also co-authored Maximize Website Traffic, one of the first books on SEO ever published. Follow Susan at @suejon.

Jessie Stricchiola – One of the founding board members of the esteemed Search Engine Marketing Professional Organization, SEMPO, Jessie has been “toying around” with search engines since 1997. The Principal at Alchemist Media – which is consistently ranked by B2B Magazine as one of the Top 100 Search Marketing Companies – Jessie pioneered the charge against PPC click fraud and has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Inc. Magazine, and NPR.  She co-authored the book, The Art of SEO, and serves as a litigation consultant on internet related issues. Follow Jessie @ltstricchi (protected account).

Laura Thieme – A 15-year veteran of SEO, PPC, and website/keyword conversions, Laura is the CEO of  Bizwatch Search Analytics and owner of Bizresearch, which she started in 1997. She is a frequent speaker at SMX conferences, and has been featured in the New York Times, Internet Retailer, TechNewsWorld and Search Engine Watch. A renowned Google Analytics guru, Laura was called as an expert witness in a case involving trademark and metatags. Follow Laura @bizwatchlaura.

Shari Thurow – Shari was the first woman – person – who made people think about “search engine friendly websites,” and has been designing sites since 1995.  Today, she’s a frequent speaker at industry conferences (in fact, I had the pleasure of speaking with her during SMX West in March) and a regular contributor to Search Engine Land. Shari has been featured in many publications, including the New York Times, USA Today, Wired, and PC World. Her search-usability site, Omni Marketing Interactive, offers fantastic resources. Shari is the author of Search Engine Visibility and co-author of Where Search Meets Web Usability. Follow Shari at @sharithurow (protected account).

Dana Todd – Known for her creative hair color (currently a brilliant jewel tone purple), Dana has over 17 years experience in digital marketing and is appreciated for her intelligent, no-nonsense speaking style. She’s also a past chairwoman for SEMPO after serving on their board. Today, she’s Senior V.P. of Marketing and New Business and V.P. of Perfomance Innovation at Performics, and a sought-after industry speaker. Dana has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Business Week, and The Street. Follow Dana at @danatodd.

Amanda Watlington –  Amanda is one super-smart woman. Her impressive resume includes working with 3m, Sharp Electronics, Mercedes Benz and Washington Mutual. She’s also a prolific writer, and has authored scads of articles and two books including Business Blogs: A Practical Guide (co-authored with Bill Ives.) Her site, Searching for Profit, says it all – she’s helping companies build long-term profitable relationships with their clients. Follow Amanda at @amandaw.

Jill Whalen – Jill and I started our SEO conference journey together and we were business partners for quite a few years (who remembers the RankWrite newsletter?) Today, Jill is the CEO of High Rankings and has been in SEO since 1995. She is a prolific writer and contributes regularly to Search Engine Land and Talent Zoo. She also runs the High Rankings Newsletter, which has about five million followers (OK, not five million – but she has a lot!)  Follow Jill at @jillwhalen.

And if you’d indulge me as the blog editor (Laura Crest), I’d like to add a first-generation, original SEO woman who has taught me all I know about SEO, and who has generously – oftentimes patiently – mentored and encouraged me each and every step of the way in my SEO copywriting career…

Heather Lloyd-Martin – Known as “Firecracker” to some of her SEO friends, Heather is a widely-recognized expert, speaker, and SEO authority who has spread the SEO copywriting word around the world. She developed the SEO Copywriting Certification training program, was profiled in the book Online Marketing Heroes, and is the immediate past-chair of the DMA’s Search Engine Marketing Council. Just this year, she was voted as one of Level 343’s Top Women of SEO, 2012. Heather is President and CEO of SuccessWorks, and can be found online here, at SEO Copywriting. Follow Heather at @heatherlloyd.

Stay tuned! Next week we’ll expand our list of women who’ve helped shape the SEO industry (and made it great!) with the second wave of SEO Women to honor. (So if it seems that we’ve forgotten someone, it’s very likely that she’ll be featured in Part 2).

In the meantime, our sincere gratitude to these SEO “old guard” (a.k.a., “original gangsta”) women for building the SEO industry, blazing the proverbial trail, and guiding the rest of us! You rock! 🙂

Want to dramatically increase your income as a freelance copywriter? Consider getting your certification in SEO Copywriting, taught by the widely-recognized pioneer of the SEO industry, Heather Lloyd-Martin. Her training is the only online SEO Copywriting Training Program independently endorsed by SEOPros.org. Check into it and make 2012 the year you turn your biz around!

Source

http://seocopywriting.com/the-women-who-made-seo-great/

[theo-westenberger]

My Experience as an Anonymous Egg Donor

Contributed by Jennifer L. Carolin, May 2017

My decade long obsession with egg donation was initiated by my own experience donating my eggs to a fertility clinic. I found the application through an ad on Craigslist. “Artistic types wanted” it advertised, under freelance gigs, and the rabbit hole lay at my feet. A lovely website, a collage of pinks and peaches, flowers, healthy pregnant women and smiling babies, led me to the donor application button, and from there I proceeded to list, in no fewer than twenty-five pages, my  height, weight, eye color, skin color, hair color, medical history and physical attributes. As well as that of my family members on both sides of the family, all the way back to my great-grandparents. I called my mother, 

“What was great grandma’s hair color before it was blue?” I asked. 

“What are you doing now?” she replied.

Image courtesy the artist

The donation process was the most intensely one sided job application I’ve ever undertaken. Professions aren’t supposed to ask overtly for your dreams and aspirations, your five and ten-year plan for the future, your childhood experience or family dynamic, or if you plan on raising your own family. Here, however, it was all laid out in short answer essay form.I found myself second guessing my responses. Would I be more attractive if I professed a desire to have my own children? Or was my independent nature a bigger turn on? It was an online dating profile and psychological evaluation all rolled up into one. Later came the actual evaluation with a psychiatrist on the Upper West Side, an hour of awkward professions of philanthropic intent tempered by the assumption that yes, I had answered the ad because I needed the money. 

 I saved the needles. To donate is to undertake an incredible commitment of time and responsibility, and the amount of medical paraphernalia that I had begun to accumulate was astounding. In the talks I’ve given about donating, I’ve brought the needles and vials with me and explained the process of mixing and injecting, as it was explained to me by the nurses. The injections are intramuscular, morning and evening, in the stomach, and I videotaped the ritual and documented the resulting bruising, bloating, and breast swelling. Every other day I visited the clinic for bloodwork and an ultrasound, my first, in which I watched the black dots on the screen grow in size. The doctor was incredibly kind, he remembered small details about my life and asked me about my interests. I looked at pictures on the wall of smiling babies and wondered about my own eggs, fertilized, implanted, brought to term and born by a woman I would never meet.

 I donated five times. With between 12 and 18 eggs harvested during each retrieval, a modest estimate places the number donated for potential fertilization at 60. Naturally, I was curious as to what my contribution to the child’s genetic makeup would be. Being the “artistic” type, I started drawing their portraits, melding my DNA with the DNA of the potential father —a reversal of the online dating game I had participated in with my eggs. I rolled the dice with race, ethnicity, height, weight, build, athletic and artistic inclinations, eye and hair color, and temperament. Working with a master printer, I translated the portraits into etchings, lithography and silkscreen prints. The printed image has allowed for an exploration of variations on the original. I altered each image by hand to provide for a new portrait, while maintaining familial similarity among sets.

 I also wrote letters to the portraits, elaborations on the short answer essays I had composed for the application; brief, warm, personal anecdotes to ghosts. I had always checked the box on the application allowing the child to contact me upon adulthood, and I saw no reason why a letter expressing interest in that life should not be a part of the time capsule of this project. I thought of the work I was doing as a time capsule because it captured a moment in time in which I was imagining the life that might result. My approximations will exist as truth until the time capsule is opened, figuratively, by contact with the young adult, and then the project will take its place as the fiction it always was.

 The clinic’s expectation of discretion irked me endlessly, because I had so many questions. Camaraderie among donors was certainly discouraged, we sat side by side in the waiting room, flipping through fashion magazines, and yet we never spoke to each other. What attracts women to these sites? Why make the choice to donate? What does the exhaustive nature of the application contribute to the experience of the donation? Do the reasons for donating ever cease to be worth the physical and mental sacrifices the process demands? Finally, donors, do you wonder, as I did? Do you look at the faces of the children with their nannies on the upper east side, and look for a resemblance? 

 The anonymity of the recipient has been an even greater test on my psyche, more so than the exhaustive application, and more so than the physical commitment of the injections. Cloaked in secrecy were these goddesses of wealth and position, of whom the clinic encouraged the image of ultimate maternal beneficence. On the day of my retrieval, groggy from the sedative and sore from the procedure, eager to go home and crawl into bed, I was made to wait in the examining room, as my recipient had come into the clinic unannounced and was occupying the reception area. It was entirely taboo that we should pass each other casually. 

 Several years after donating, I organized a panel discussion to coincide with an exhibition of these portraits. The panel gathered together experts and other donors, creating a platform for discussion and giving voice to an undiscussed topic. 

 Visit the project here

The First Communion. Image courtesy the artist.  

Jenny Carolin received her MFA in Painting from Syracuse University, and her BFA from the Columbus College of Art and Design.  Carolin’s strong technical training in the traditions of painting and drawing are paired a performance art practice and self-deprecating humor which focuses on characters acting out questions of identity and gender roles. Carolin is a co-founder of the Mudhouse Residency in Agios Ioannis, Crete, and the Director of Shoestring Press Studio in Brooklyn, New York.