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semi-imaginary-place · 3 months ago

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ffxv episode ignis, ardyn, dawn of the future

episode ignis: what awkward placement. this explains why ravus turned against niflhiem and the ring deal but it's got so many endgame spoilers and assumes players have played the ending. see this is an argument for why dlc is a bad thing it reminds (ha!) me of kh3 where games now days are designed to be incomplete and dlc is story mandatory so one game for the price of 2 but worse i actually prefer smt digital devil saga and persona 2's duology format which are each complete story arcs instead of this 93% 7% dlc deal. ff15 in general isn't the best (or the worst) at explaining what is going on so it's hard to follow why things are happening without this extra material. ffxv isn't even that bad the story is coherent without the dlc mostly, but it still bothers me. dod3 goes so much in the opposite direction it's funny it's not even a videogame anymore it's a multimedia project gotta rake in the cash.

anyways ignis is the devs favorite isn't he. alternate end is well done and i loved the lore but im not sure it should exist. first choices i dont think ignis would give up if it was for noct. if chosen ignis pays his life to surpass his limit and draw from the ring's power why isn't he dead. look i get that the crystal is a giant magic plot breaking plot device but there's got to be narrative limits. deus ex lunafreya. things went a little too well sure they got some ardyn-less free time but he's shown by the throne so he's out againwhy hasn't he killed ravus or something. which btw wow ravus is the one thing holding the universe together and the darkness from taking over should have tried harder to keep him alive huh (also this isn't how genomics and inheritance works like if every generation has 2 kids that's exponential number of oracle descendants). and why is noctis still alive did they just not destroy ardyn? if they didn't permanently end ardyn great job kicking the can down the road and passing over the super special chosen king, who knows if any one else in the future can do it. the main problem though as with any alternate route in any story is the risk of cheapening or downgrading the main story. mostly it just comes off as the writers being indecisive.

it feels like the writers are relying on lunafreya and the crystal to just be miracle workers and move the plot however they want. it also cheapens making the player choose between not using the ring and losing to ardyn, using some of the power at the cost of eyesight but that not being enough, and trading your life for the power to take down ardyn like it's suppose to be a hard choice but the writers take the consequences away

episode ardyn: i get that they're trying to do a whole oracle king romance parallel but well actually ffxv already has no respect for how ancestry and genomics actually work so why do i bother. oh aera is the og oracle. flueret and the oracles are her descendants but she was betrothed to ardyn and died so did she have kids before marriage or what is going on. really with the whole absorbing and (kinda) neutralizing the starscourge and healing people of it ardyn should have been the oracle and the ancestor of the flueret line and if they wanted to avoid the incest undertones just make it them not brothers so that caelum and flueret were political rival families both trying to get the throne. (except isn't tenebrae on another continent... eh it doesn't matter tenebrae being 200 mi closer to insomnia wouldn't have made a difference to the story). maybe it's the insomnia (ha!) but im liking this idea more and more like maybe the original prophecy wasn't a savior/warrior king so much as just a savior/fighter of darkness and so ardyn almost became the oracle king

yeah the writers have lost me i've stopped caring. the whole ardyn thing always felt messy like the want this embodiment of darkness and evil but they also want him to be tragic but they also want him to be noctis' foil but also luna's foil and the writers don't juggle all this narrative weight well, something has to give. Like somnus sucks but the narrative treats him as having divine providence and ultimately doing the right thing when no that was neutral at best. ffxv is so stuck in this binary of good and bad unwilling to truly transgress the boundary they have drawn between good light divine, and evil darkness taint. and then bahamut comes down and tells ardyn that his role is to bring darkness. and like what this is such a major reveal either it shouldn't be here at all or it should be in the main game. because this proves that the 6 aren't on humanity's side like much of the cast believes, bahamut isn't acting for the sake of humanity or the world they're acting to bring forth this prewritten script. i think this is my least favorite dlc, it's very messy writing wise.

skimming through the cancelled dlc and dawn of the future, the dlc since episode ignis seemed to have been veering off in a new direction probably best that it was cancelled because this new thematic direction would have been better tackled in a sequel or side game. in main ffxv the gods are distant and fate is a reassurance a comfort that one has purpose in life. where as the dlc episode ignis and ardyn are about the flipside of that how destiny and fate can also be a shackle, it's about defying the gods.

Like they wanted ardyn to be this kind self sacrificial healer but then dropped that character trait with no continuity like they could have made it that he had a savior complex and ego but that didn't come through or they could have made it about how he felt the people owed him and now feels betrayed by everyone but i didn't get that either. btw quarantine and prevention and vaccination are scientifically better than curing individuals when it comes to infectious diseases irl. so ardyn's characterization is someone who cares about the small scale and individual even when it's to the detriment of the greater whole, and that characterization got dropped. there's also how ardyn's turning evil only happened in the last like 30 years so his turn towards revenge narratively feels rushed it would have been nice seeing the daemonification and memory reading eating at him in stages. or i mean there was 2000 years could have had him conscious the whole time and stewing in misery turning over the same thoughts over and over reliving aera's death and having that drive him insane. oh yeah and bahamut pops up out of no where. bahamut is so plot breaking it begs the question why he didn't intervene in main game more.

dawn of the future great lunafreya is alive again. see this is the problem of having plot breaking super gods you cheapen their original deaths by making death meaningless. now that can be an interesting story in of itself but it contradicts xv main game's themes. this is also the luna ardyn show where as in maingame these two are barely secondary characters. noctis, gladio, ingis, and prompto are the main characters of ffxv butt they aren't plot important so don't show up here at all. all this definitely should have been a separate game. yeah all of this dc should have been a separate story imagine if we got lunafreya as the main character. like hey remember what i said earlier about ardyn absorbing miasma as a parallel to lunafreya? also wasn't the oracle bloodline holding back the darkness aka the apocaylse happened when ravus died well since the writers brought luna back shouldn't that change. i think the writers didn't think through killing luna. she's so lore important but she does nothing in main game. see they flip the script of noctis being the chosen king instead he just happened to be the dude around when ardyn woke up which is interesting but again very very different thematically from main game. wow the writers really went wild with this, kinda cool really good concepts but this and maingame are separate stories.

see fiction needs rules that's how you build tension when you throw the rules out the window things just become a mess with no stakes. which can be interesting and also very post modern absurd but that's not what's happening here. like so much emphasis was put on the cost the ring of lucii and king powers have. that regis is aging faster than he should that it took noctis 10 years to absorb the ring's half of the power and then to throw it out or how ardyn was showed to have daemonified pernamently with no way to cleanse the miasma and then haha jk there's no consequences because gentianta healed them! that's such an asspull you build up all these stakes only to say last minute that they don't matter. which again can be done for a thematic point like the writers could have really leaned into how humanity are just playthings and the gods have absolute power and decide the facts of the world (like yeah get meta and absurd with it kill luna 45 times and bring her back, nothing has meaning nothing matters!) but the writers didn't succeed in this and also this type of story is very difficult to tell.

thinking about this more and totally could have been a side game or compilation of episodes. Persona 2 did it where Eternal Punishment overwrote the ending of Innocent Sin and the two are rather tonally and thematically different.

#ffxv

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solardick · 5 months ago

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Lovely portent that was. A redwing’s mate guiding me to eye contact. The redwings themselves not being aggressive. Pretty, awkward, blond and slim.

Aside from that on the fallowing day. I give up at life. 40 years is too much. I suspect I’m not survive much longer. I don’t want to be alive anymore. I can’t do this anymore. I’m done. All there is is evil in life. I don’t want a part of it. Anymore. It only grows stronger. They wont leave me alone. There’s nothing to do. I hate life. I fucken hate. All it wants is to hurt me. 40’years is too much. Im done.

Go get my bottle of liquer. Throw the noose over door, step off the chair. Thats my future. Unconscious in a few long painful seconds. Dead in a few more.

If i cant develop and grow on my own fucken terms. Im not living at all. Keep my locked up in is mind raping prison. Im done.

Maybe my death will give a pause with hesitation in the next abuse victim they have an aim for.

And the cops are hareaing me with rheir pressence today. Again. Fun fun.

And blocking me out of xbox. On a roll with fucking with me today.

Lets go see if i can buy another fycken dictionairy. Cant even learn a new language without nazi cockskrs perverting with slut faget bs.

I dont care what i say anymore. Im goign to be fucked with either way. Km just an asshole who needs to be reminded how much im someones bitch everyday. Only been 40 straight fucken years. Its the reason im born. Theres no getting away from it. So fuck you amd uou and uou. The world decided yo make me its enemy the day i was born so fuck you too.

Neither am i able to buy an actual russian dictionary. Its only bilingual dictionaries. Which are all lackluster. So much for creating a russian tarot deck. Uh, i dont know why i still try and do stuff. Im not allowed doug. Anythign but doing this. Fuck you and fuck and you.

Should make another card of policemen, and crime mobs, raping men, hold billy clibs and knifes with severed cocks in their hands, laughing with a poor mother trying to protect her son. Replace waites gay death card with it. Half the victims smiling amd the other half crying.

And then people will be like. No, i don’t want to die. I want to live.

Maybe temperance fallowing will make a little more sense. The death card and gold. The italiano is better. Removal of all resources. Temperance becomes a mandatory. Instead of being thrown around from one incompatible place to the next, from one abusive place to the next, one supervised conditioning place after the next manipulative place. Constant cues of inevitability, this will happen. None of this, this may happen. I almost died three times in the last couple years. Then its the devil card. Being all like do it, do it. On the superficial retard level spoken by the lowcuning, who have no temperance themselves. To the narsicists and sadists. A constant line of attack that never ceases and hasn’t ceased in decades. Turning from the up front aggressive, to the back, side, friendly but, none of it is real. Everyones playing an act. No real genuine communication from anyone. The odd couple txts now and a -long -gain. The gain gets highlighted but its pronunciation is wrong. It’s not strong enough to count very high.

All sources of information, perverted. Conditioning, a veil to side track attention. Little prison cell made to fell like nothing is to blame and this is how it is. It’s destiny. У.

So much for ever learning how to act. Nope. You don’t get to. Wish i could act. Then id be a two-faced asshole. The french call them crosseur. Or somethign spelt like that. The french never did make me feel welcome.

And the only places that ever did. Had an agenda. That is currently still in play. Thats what now? 8 years stolen? On that scene alone. The whole homo agenda scheme, all part of the picture leading years in before hand. Best decision i ever made. Fuck you.

What’s next gonna hit me even harder? Im just a punching bag. Always was. My narcissist father thinks that kid of thing is funny. Used to talk about it all the time. How much he loved his punching bag.

Keeping an open dialogue to this. Intentionally. Aggravating, frustrating, shaming, while pleading temperance?

Fuck this prison cell. Get me out. Maybe id have somethign positive to say. Maybe they’d be no righteous belligerence in the face of outsode forces m that have not once stoped ever. For any amount of time on that entire line. Maybe my attention would phase out to soemthign else. Maybe id have a healthier mentality. Maybe id have aome someblamce of a life of my own creation. But no. Not allowed. Just this. This is where i belong. Being beaten on from above. Whoch isn t hard considering im in the gutter.

I choose to fuck death. Go back to where i came from, hell. Im not human. Never was.

The next card is the father given his son a gun. And the mother is sucking him off while he does it.

Go “Temperate” son.

Maybe, i wouldn’t be so kind to people. Helpful and generous. Even to the very people fucken with me. Like i’m not aware. I don’t have the strength left for that last one anymore.

No positivity is better than fake positivity or, hopeful positivity.

Looking at america from an outside perspective. Uou got the states alpha prick. And you got canada right besides him. His little bitch. Who can’t raise its voice and has to live by their alpha fag. And fallow his news. More than their own. And then you got mexico on the other side, his personal drug dealer that he keeps his guard up around. The Us the ultimate wife beater.

The oilers losed?! What?! No shit. It happened. Course they were going to lose. Their canadian in their own field. And they’re named after petroleum. Not going to give hype to pollution and carbon gases. Like the games are ‘t fixed to begin with. And with that all the fans and the beer drinking men lost some pride, again. Oh, no, the masculine spreading and hoping for toxic waste. You lose.

Where’s my boyfriend(s), i want to defy nature, and get fucked tonight. And then feel disgusted with myself and a shamed, so i desire more. Afterwards.

Tarot… whats the point of temperance. You meet the devil and you lose anyway. Fuck inhate tarot.

Shame on you for wanting the oilers to win. Go get shame fucked. Even though its just a name and has nothing to do with sport. But that diesnt matter to the magical world of rainbow land. Shining your true colours after being stormed through and through.

Think i need another covid injection.

Cheers to suffering for the rest of my life with no one. Just me and enemies. Cause i won’t do it. I don’t want to be alive anymore. 25 straight years of being beaten in and manipulated. Vicious circle. I was born in hell.

Wonder what being human feels like. ´ast thing i want is a life based on sex. Thats all the world is. Sex and abuse. Im done.

I’m done. Im not talking to or being friendly with anyone anymore. I tried. Tried for 30 years with my family. But that was a waste of life. All

Life does is try and rule over me and cause me harm. Àways did. Always will. Im

Done. I dotn want to be alive anymore.

Ok, its back to being a concrete game plan. Again. With this added pressure. It may just pull through.

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writing-loube · 1 year ago

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day two: apathy

i never wanted to grow up. i am shocked im still alive. i grew up thinking that this was the final year. hoping and praying and wishing that this was the final year. but it never happened i still kept growing still kept on living and i’ve come to the point that im fine with being here. but when you’ve thought from the age of 5 from a reoccurring nightmare that you were going to die every night up until the age of 12, it shapes you as a person. you treat death differently-you grieve differently.

ive been finding it difficult to grieve which, is a good thing, but it’s harder when your younger in both senses. when you first start to grieve it’s always a grandparent or childhood animal that dies, it’s how children learn what it’s like. but the people around me have grown up differently. Constantly reminded of terror, fearing for our lives in classrooms, a global plague. these aren’t normal. they are too me though. i’ve been grieving since i gained awareness to my existence. “Grief never wears the same face twice.” but when you’ve been grieving since the day you can remember about all the tragedies and people that have been lost, have you ever stopped? can grieve manifest differently if it’s never gone away? i believe that’s why i’ve become desensitized to everything. i grief for my empathy.

i know i have the ability to be empathetic, i’ve witnessed myself do it before. it’s getting harder, and harder to continue feeling for everyone and everything when i don’t have the strength to give that consideration to myself. i’d rather shut it down then have to constantly worry for everything else. i have anxiety and i’m not ashamed of that in the slightest, if anything it’s more of an annoyance getting that *ping! saying that my heart rate is at 160 again. i know i have to ability to grieve, and empathize. i just don’t have the mental capacity to anymore. instead i’ll get angry at whomever or whatever is responsible for the next tragedy, rather i stand in solidarity with them, then cry for them from the side. and that has to be enough. for my own sanity.

#writers on tumblr #poetry #original writing #original poem

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tiens-letters · 4 years ago

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Oohh another request haha. I love this thank you and i hope you like it :>

were the bruises to your heart worth it?

Childe angst

You mulled over your sister's words for the nth time today. Her voice playing on loop inside your head, drifting in and out of a mundane daydream.

"why are you still with him?" you wondered as well as to why you still stuck with Ajax, all these days in 3 years of being wit him. Perhaps it was devotion, it was love to persevere even in the wrath of crumbling times and yet why does your heart ache a little more these days he's been far from you.

The days when he would come home, wounded and tired you were there to nurse him back. Back then it was something you'd do out of care and worry, which was until these recent days where it felt as if it were a job you didnt want to do as he would shrug you off instead and locking himself in another room. You barely remember the time where you both shared a quiet night basking in each other's presence, with limbs in a tangle and your forehead upon his beating chest, it was almost none existent as the home you both had felt so utterly desolate, void of the homey ambience.

Youve endured a month of his uncalled behaviour, breaking you even further as things slipped from your grasp leaving you empty and in agony. There were times you'd silently let tears fall as he slept so soundly beside you, unbothered by your pain. He's become more and more as the harbinger you forgot him to be and not your darling lover Ajax.

He never noticed your puffy eyes, sunken cheeks and dwindling weight yet he noticed all the small mistakes youve made. Where one day, left you with a bruise on the arm due his snake like grip after blowing up on you right after he came home from a long journey to sumeru.

You left.

Childe came home earlier than expected, once again tired and nursing a few minor wounds on his body. All he wanted was your touch on his skin as you lulled him to sleep only that to his utter surprise that the house was empty. Perhaps you went out for an errand or for another pot of your favourite flower that you kept in the small garden at the back.

Not giving it too much thought, he lounged on the couch awaiting your return, eyelids soon drooping as the soft pillow coaxed him to sleep.

As the grandfather clock swings its pendulum, the sound echoing through the whole room signifying the arrival of midnight, an eerie sound waking Childe back to consciousness. Groggy from rising he scanned the room only to find it darker than before, if it werent for the nearby lamp he switched open, he swore he couldve been swallowed by the darkness.

Were you not home yet?

A dreadful feeling washed over him as your presence was nowhere around the house. He called out for you as he rushed through the halls, a sliver of hope vanishing every corner turned and every door opened led to nothing but misery.

You always leave a note as to where you are going and yet it was another one out of the many abnormalities in his home.

"Darling? Please i hope youre not playing with me!" he calls out to no one in particular, denying the fact of your existence gone with the wind. Your clothes were all intact and so does your other belongings. He thought of every possibility of what couldve befallen his lover, mostly gravitating towards the worst of the worst case scenarious and may the archons forbid, he would never recover from the blow.

"Where are you?!"

Then it dawned on him after much pondering and pulling his falling parts together. The things he did, the words he said it all came flooding through him like a rushing cold river, hitting him fair and square in the chest and came forth an otherworldly pain and regret. He gasps, almost suffocating by the weight of his sins and he wished he had died right then and there in atonement for his crimes.

Soon his vision became bleary as eyes misted over with tears that fell freely from his ocean eyes. He ruined it. Ruined you.

And yet he could not let you go.

Days seemed to pass by so fast that it had already been 5 months of liberation from Ajax's presence. You were slowly building yourself up once again, the temple that was torn down by a single crack, slowly being rebuilt brick by brick.

Your love for Ajax, even if it left quite the bruise to your heart, it was still there, lingering in the air and a part of you missed him so. You wondered how he would be doing, you wondered if he looked for you just as you did when he didnt come home on the date set, you wonder if he wept when he couldnt feel you next to him, just as you did 150 days ago. You wondered if he ever called your name all the while giving a lingering kiss to the painting that hung on the foyer. You wondered if what you both had, had any significance to him at all.

"Stop doing that." you jolted from where you sat, the book falling off your lap as you met your sister's stern glare from across the room.

"Stop doing what?"

"You are thinking about Tartaglia again. Its been over 5 months and that blundering fool never made an effort to find you much less apologize for what he did when you were still there." there was anger in her voice as she recounted the day you came to her door, teary eyed and just utterly torn. Never once did she felt like murdering someone so bad, especially when it had you, her only family involved.

"Im sorry, I-i just--"

"Hush now." she came over in her elegant strides to take you in her arms, the familiar scent of your mother's favorite perfume stayed on her like second skin and you were so grateful that you had her. You let yourself cry in her embrace in quiet comfort.

Childe never stopped.

Secretly searching for atleast a tiny clue of your whereabouts wore him down to the bone and yet he never gave up. How could he? Even if he thought he was so undeserving of you he still pushed on to right what wrong he's made. The details gathered had been insufficient to serve as a lead making Childe more desperate in his attempt to search for you. Nights were spent on scouring places and information seeking and his work, only done in the daytime. He never wasted a wink on sleep as it was an obstacle to getting closer to you and even when his body collapsed due to exhaustion of overworking all he could think was you.

The search has led a certain fatui informant who works for one of the harbingers. With a note slipped in secrecy on a specific time containing an address on the small parchment. It was all Childe needed to fuel his buried hope as he took off towards snezhenaya.

He never imagined he'd arrive right in front of the iron gates that encased the whole estate atop a mountain. The wind bellowed stronger than before as the snow rained harder upon the place. Luckily, he was born in this region and had survived throughout.

He wondered why you came here, to such a dreadful place but then again, anywhere was better than right by him.

Trying to push open the gates only to be repelled by cryo magic, burning through his gloves and into his skin, leaving fresh burns on his palms as he gasped in pain. Whoever lives here clearly didnt want anyone trespassing much less had a fancy for guests.

He was starting to grow cold as his energy was slowly being siphoned by days of travel, it would only take a matter of time before he passes out.

He calls out, hoping someone inside would hear him.

And you did, only that it seemed like the wind but the time you looked outside the library window, you saw a person outside the gates. The familiar ginger hair tousled with the wind and as you strained your ears to hear and that was when it filled your ears, Ajax's voice. Something you havent heard in quite a long time.

As quick as lightning you stood, half running half gliding through the halways and down the stairs, there was no coherent thought, only him. He was freezing outside the barrier and you pushed yourself more to reach him.

Your figure stepping out through the door was almost like a dream to him. Your name oh so longingly leaving his bluing lips.

"Ajax!" you were in time as you caught his figure which seemed lighter than before. He clung to you, legs desperately tryinf to hold him up. You were here, right in his arms, alive and warm.

"Im sorry. Im so sorry. Please I love you." he rambles on, like a mantra he apologizes over and over again, sobbing and stumbling on his words as he held you so achingly close "Forgive me. Forgive me..."

"Step away from him this instant." your sister, Signora hisses from behind you, just as you were about to coax Ajax she already had a cryo dagger aimed at his head

"Sister please!" you plead, your panic growing as you saw Ajax huffing in labored breaths "Let him come inside or he will freeze to death."

Signora sees the urgency in your eyes and the undying devotion you still hold for the man in your arms. She dematerializes the dagger with a wave of her hand.

"Fine but if I see tears in your eyes then dont you ever dare stop me from what Im going to do to him."

"Thank you sister." you smile at her as she steps backs inside the house and you follow in after her with Ajax leaning on you for support. Once inside, you had him lay on the couch by the fire after helping him out of his winter garments and replacing it for a knitted quilt.

"Im sorry." bloodshot ocean eyes looked at you with so much guilt and a love that you almost forgot "I-i im so so sorry."

"Lets talk about this after youve rested." this time you couldnt look at him, the ache in your heart throbs from the bruises it still nursed. You stood before falling further only for him to catch your shaking hand with his equally shaking one.

"Dont leave." he whimpers, the fear of abandonment increasing as he pleaded for you to stay. instead, you let go of his hand and placed yours instead over his eyes making him uncharacteristically shriek surprising you even more, making you think what other worldly pain he was experiencing as of the moment. "No! No No. Please Its dark."

Ajax cries as he thrashed around because he feared that if he sleeps he would go back to the nightmare of you not by his side and that would leave him all cold and alone just like in the past. he didnt want to go back there, not now when he's seen you. As much as he'd hate to admit, he was truly and utterly terrified but you had to let him rest and with the help of your vision he finally succumbed to a dreamless, peaceful sleep. Only that he calmed down did you notice how much he's lost, where your once sunken cheeks, puffy eyes and weight loss now transferred to him and it made you sick to your stomach. your lips found his forehead as you wished him a good rest, you left the room after bandaging his burned hands to gather yourself for when he finally came to his sensible self.

when you thought it was going to take a full day for him to wake up only to find him stumbling about in the living room calling your name on his lips like a broken record. you immediately rushed down and burst into the room to find him clutching his head and gasping breathlessly. he looked crazed until he caught sight of you standing by the door, a worried look on your face was when he finally came to. he ran to you, clung to you like it was the last day of the world to live and sighed into your welcoming smell.

"are you alright now?" you ask him as you part in arms width

"Hit me." he tells you in all seriousness in his worn out state

"W-what?" you were certain he was still out of it until he grabbed your hand in an attempt to hit himself to which you stopped immediately

"Hit me! Scream at me all you want. Call me words Ive called you. Ive broken you! Do you not see that?!" funny how he couldnt see himself, he who's become worse over the course of the months . his tone rose and fell until it was only a whisper above his panting

"Just dont abandon me." he shuts his eyes, steeling himself for your judgment until he felt your hands on his face again, making soothing circles on his cheek

"look at me Ajax." you coax him and he did and he could see assurance and the love for him still remained and he wanted to cry again but tears have long gone abandoned him and left him in such a regretful state, he truly didnt deserve you and you never deserved to be treated that way. "Youve hurt me yes and nothing can change that but I wasnt planning on you leaving you. I couldnt as I love you too much that I wouldnt imagine life without you but Ajax, the things you did to me, to us, was painful."

"I know and Im so sorry." he held himself from rambling as the pain in chest grew even more burdensome, something he would willingly carry as he vows to himself to never hurt you and if he did then he would tear himself down "I love you"

"and I to you Ajax. Just promise me that when you are having a hard time, let us talk it out and not result to screaming and painful banters."

"I promise darling. on my life and everything in this world. I vow to never cause you pain like I did and to only give you love and care that someone like you deserve."

there he was, your Ajax. He was home.

#genshin impact #genshin impact angst #genshin impact x reader #ajax #tartaglia #childe #childe angst #childe x reader #childe x reader angst #childe request #angst #haha yes pain #Spotify

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jaceyneedsabetterusername · 4 years ago

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Do You Trust Me?

Pairing: Arvin Russel x Reader

Summary: When Lenora finds out she’s pregnant and another girl turns up pregnant and murdered, Arvin and Y/N take matters into their own hands.

Warnings: Violence, Murder, Sexual Assualt, Teen Pregnancy, Cursing, Mentions of Rape, Bullying, Dark Religious Themes, Talk of Abortion DO NOT READ IF THESE BOTHER YOU (Very similar things to the movie)

Word Count: 7000

A/N: So Lenora doesn’t die in this but that part is instead replaced by the Reaster girl being found dead (I named her Jeanette... I didn’t remember if they gave her a first name)

A/N 2: I know I’m writing characters that exist already but like I feel like I’m going to Hell for writing this. Any other Christians feel that way about liking the movie?

___________________________________

Secrets were hard to keep in such a small town as Coal Creek. Everyone knew everyone and if one person saw something, the whole town knew about it by next morning. That’s why Lenora had kept her secrets with Reverend Teagarden from all except you. Other than Arvin, you were her only friend in the world. It felt nice to have another girl to talk to because as much as she loved her brother, it was nothing like having a sister. Though you weren’t related, just friends from school, it was the closest thing she had.

The two of you had bonded over the harassment from boys at school. Unlike Lenora, you had no problem dishing back threats and abuse. You were more like Arvin in that sense, not always terrified that the Lord was going to smite you for defending yourself. You and Arvin were close too because of it.

The day you two met, he’d gone to pick Lenora up from school one day to find the two of you cornered out back by Dinwoodie and his boys. They called Lenora ugly, as per their daily routine, and said they wouldn’t fuck her with a bag on a her head. Tommy Matheson had a paper bag held over her face, holding her down while she squirmed.

“There ain’t nothing alive that would willingly let you touch them, Dinwoodie!” You spat while Orville Buckman held you back, his arms wrapped around your body, keeping your arms . pinned to your side, “You’re a vile thing. Hell, I’m sure a dead pig wouldn’t let you fuck it.”

Dinwoodie spun around and blew a hard smack across your face, “Lenora here ain’t much different than that. But you on the other hand, I’d take you whether you wanted it or not. I like a girl with a dirty mouth. And lucky you, I won’t make you wear the bag.”

He fisted your hair and pulled your face close to him, trying to force a kiss from you but spat in his face, a massive drip of saliva landing in his eyes and smaller particles spewed across his lips. “You nasty bi-” Gene Dinwoodie reared back, ready to hit you again when suddenly Arvin came out of nowhere, sending a solid blow straight into Gene’s face, sending him flying to the ground with a crack.

Orville let you go to go after Arvin and Tommy did the same to Lenora. You ran over to her and pulled the bag from her head, seeing evidence of her silent tears all over her face. Once you saw she was okay though, you ran over to help Arvin, who had found himself dragged to the ground by the three boys. Lenora got up too, screaming for them to stop.

“Stop!” You yelled, pulling at Gene’s arms to try and get him to stop kicking Arvin. He shoved you back harshly by the chest but you caught yourself, returning with a sharp blow to his face with your locked fist.

The enraged boy smacked you even harder than before, sending your ass to the ground with thud that you knew would leave a bruise. Your hands and knees got skinned up as you skid slightly on the pavement. Lenora kept pulling on the boys too, begging them to stop but to no avail.

“Ha, sister fucker!” The three of them called out to Arvin before leaving the three of you alone.

“Are you okay?” You asked the boy that you hadn’t met before, who was curled up in a ball on the ground and holding his stomach. He groaned in response, trying to push himself up but requiring your assistance. “Thank you for what you did back there. I’m sorry this happened.”

He stretched, flinching at the slight movement. He sent a small nod towards you but then turned towards Lenora, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner, Lenora.” Words couldn’t describe the guilt he felt for allowing this to happen.

“It-it’s okay, Arvin. It wasn’t that bad this time. Y/N here took the brunt of it, unfortunately.” Lenora turned to you, “‘M sorry about that, by the way. You didn’t need to step in for me.”

You had stood up about the same time Arvin did, brushing as much of the dirt off your bleeding and scraped up knees as you could without flinching, “Those guys are ass holes, Lenora. I did need to.”

Lenora piped up, “Oh, um, Y/N, this is my brother Arvin. Arvin, this is Y/N. She just moved here.”

“It’s nice to meet ya.” You greeted the boy with a pained smile, your face hurting from the blows you’d just taken.

Arvin nodded, “You too.” He paused for a moment, “Can I give you a ride home? I don’t need them boys catching up with you again on the ride home. Besides, your face is getting mighty red. I might have something back at my house to keep it from bruising up too bad.”

You looked over at Lenora, sending her a questioning look, like asking if you could trust this boy who had just come to your rescue, which may have seemed like an odd inquiry to have since he just tried to take on the guys harassing you, but your encounters with boys in this town hadn’t gone all too well thus far. The girl looked unfazed though with almost a hint of excitement that you could possibly be going to her home.

“Um, yeah, I’d like that. Thank you.” You tucked a messy strand of hair behind your ear before looking back up at Arvin to see that he was already staring at you.

That was months ago. You’d gotten settled into Coal Creek by now and the abuse from Dinwoodie had stopped entirely after Arvin had gone full vigilante to beat the shit out of them all. Speaking of Arvin, the day he saved you and Lenora, he asked you on a date and the pair of you had been going steady ever since. If there was ever a couple to not be fucked with, the town had learned it was you two.

This weekend, you’d gone over to the Russel’s home for supper at their Grandma’s invitation. It was delicious, as usual, as that woman had the God-given ability to produce miracles in that kitchen. As you all finished up, Uncle Earskell asked Arvin to help with something upstairs so he left without a second thought to help his kin.

Lenora had been looking at you funny all night, as if trying to catch your eye. After helping Grandma (which she insisted you call her as well) clean up supper, Lenora pulled you off to the side, “Y/N, let’s go on a walk. I need to tell you something.”

The weight in her eyes told you how serious this was so you just nodded, “Yeah, yeah, of course. Let’s go.”

She grabbed a lantern on her way out the door and towards the barn. It was already dark, despite only being seven in the evening. Lenora led you out there and then closed the door before sitting on the hay. “So what is it?” You asked nervously. Normally, you would have made a joke but something told you that this wasn’t a joking matter. Anxiety buzzed all around her.

“Y’know the new pastor? Preston Teagarden?” Lenora began, wringing her hands together and beginning to hide under her long red hair.

You nodded, the question having an obvious answer as everyone, including your God fearing Mama and Aunt, went to church every Sunday. “What about ‘im?”

“Well… um… y’see. We… we had sex.” She whispered the last word like it was the dirtiest thing she could fathom saying.

Your eyes blew wide and your mouth dropped open, “You what?” You whispered back in shock.

“Shh!” She held her finger up to her lips, “He said that to bear yourself as God made his first children was to truly turn yourself to Him.”

You were having a difficult time processing this new information. Arvin and you had both agreed that there was something off about that new preacher since the first day you met him but you wouldn’t have guessed it was anything like this. “Lenora, that makes no sense. God sees everything. He’s already seen you in your birthday suit. He doesn’t need the preacher to see it too.”

Part of you felt bad for the way you were reacting, especially when you saw the way your best friend shrunk back a little in embarrassment. Clearly, he’d manipulated her into getting what he wanted, using her faith as a weapon for her sexual exploitation, but of course she didn’t see it like that because his words were specifically tailored to get her to believe him. Now as you said these things, though, it was becoming clearer to Lenora that she had been manipulated.

“That’s not all…” She continued.

You held her arm gently, “What is it?”

Her eyes got wide with fear, “You can’t tell anyone okay? You gotta promise.” Her hand covered yours, gripping tightly to ensure that you grasped the severity of the situation.

You swallowed hard, honestly scared by her reactions to whatever was happening. This wasn’t like sweet, simple, calm Lenora. Nonetheless, you nodded, “I promise.”

“I think I’m pregnant.”

You actually choked, “What? Are you sure?” This was bad. This was so bad.

Her eyes began to well up with guilty tears, “Yeah, I am. I was pretty sick a few weeks back. Couldn’t eat nothin’ cause I kept throwin’ up. And I haven’t had that time of the month in two months.”

“Two months, Lenora? Shit…” You whispered, leaning back against the hay. Even before moving to Coal Creek, you came from a small town in Pennsylvania where this had happened to a few girls. In fact, it wasn’t uncommon in that particular town. Your daddy had been a doctor before he died so you’d seen more than a few cases of teenage pregnancy. For Lenora, though, this was practically unheard of. Good Christian girls don’t have babies before marriage. “Did you tell ‘im?”

Lenora’s breath shook, “Yeah ‘nd he said I was crazy and delusional. Just imaginin’ things. Said we never did nothin’ in the car. Then he said that I had to get rid of the baby or I’d be branded as the town whore with a bastard son. Even said it’d kill Grandma from the shame of it all if anyone found out.”

“That is not true, Lenora. None of it. You’re not a whore and it would be best for everyone if that baby inside you was a bastard. That disgusting man isn’t fit to walk the Earth we live on, let alone be a father.” It felt like the blood was rushing through your veins with full force, internally panicking about the situation. This was a big deal and, unfortunately, you weren’t sure if Lenora was emotionally capable enough to handle it alone. She’d always been quiet and lonely and an easy target for cruel people. “Are you keepin’ it?”

Her breathing shuddered as if she’d started crying, “I can’t kill the baby inside me and go on livin’ with that. But I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared,Y/N.” Lenora threw her arms around you and you held her as her body rattled against yours.

“Shh, you got me, alright? Me and Arvin. And I’m sure Grandma wouldn’t be ashamed if she knew what Teagarden did to you.” You insisted but she shook her head.

“You must think I’m stupid for believin’ that man.” She sat up wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

“No! I do not think you’re stupid at all. That monster took advantage of you, told you things to make you believe that his dirty, lustful thoughts were vindicated by the Lord. And he’s going to fucking pay.” You were furious now as you began to stand up, unsure of exactly what you’d do but you knew you were gonna do it.

Lenora grabbed your arm and pulled you back down, “No! Wait! Please-”

“What’s going on here?” Arvin opened the door with a concerned face.

Both you and Lenora jumped at his sudden intrusion but were even more nervous about what he’d heard.

“How much did you hear?” Lenora asked her brother, rubbing her hands on her thighs.

He walked in and slammed the door shut behind him, kneeling down in front of you and his sister, “That someone took advantage of you and Y/N was gonna make ‘im pay. Now what happened? What’s going on?”

This was one of the things that you’d always loved about Arvin. He had this protective nature over what he loved, ready to do anything to keep his loved ones safe, whether that was his sister, his girlfriend, or his grandmother. His brown eyes held so much sincerity and understanding for his younger sister but also fear for what had been done to her.

When she didn’t respond right away, Arvin looked over to you with questioning desperate eyes but you chewed your lip, knowing that it wasn’t your secret to tell. Instead, you looked back over to Lenora sadly and nudged her slightly.

“C-can you say? Please? I don’t wanna say it again.” Lenora begged you quietly, avoiding eye contact with Arvin. Though you could never truly know she felt, you tried to understand all the emotions that must have been running through her.

Arvin met your eyes, begging you to tell him what had happened. “She’s pregnant. It’s that Reverend Teagarden’s baby. Said that he told her that the only way to get close to God was to show him her in the form of Adam and Eve. But now he’s saying that she’s delusional and that it’s not his.”

Arvin’s temper flamed inside his chest. That explained the Reverend’s intense sermon about delusion this last Sunday. Nobody did this to his sister and got away with it. “I’ll kill him. I’ll fucking ki-”

“Arvin please-” Lenora tried to calm him but it was a weak attempt, still trying to stay quiet so Grandma wouldn’t notice.

“No, I’ll end his life for what he did to you.”

You watched your boyfriend reel around, hands holding onto his hat. He was livid, understandably so.

Lenora wasn’t quite sure why she wanted to protect Preston Teagarden after what he’d done to her but she thinks it’s that she was more concerned for her brother. Besides, no matter what Teagarden had done, did he really deserve to die for it?

“We don’t have to hurt him,” You spoke to your boyfriend, “If she wants, she can just have the baby and we’ll help raise it.”

“But he said it’s not his and that I’ll just be considered some no-good whore. He said it’ll kill Grandma. I don’t want to kill Grandma.” She was almost crying again at the thought of their grandmother ending up six feet under because of the shame of having her as a granddaughter.

“He said that?!” Arvin nearly yelled.

“But what if he’s right?” Lenora thought out loud, “I couldn’t live with myself if I got rid of the baby but I can’t risk killing Grandma. Maybe it would be better if I were dead-”

“No!” You and Arvin both said firmly in unison. You held her hand tight and Arvin knelt down again.

He swiped his thumb comfortingly across the back of her hands, “Don’t you ever say that. We have both already lost too damn much to lose each other too, ya hear me?”

Lenora nodded, tears falling down her cheeks when she closed her eyes.

“Why can’t we just ruin him? You can have the baby and let everyone know what he did. Everyone will know that he’s the father and it’ll destroy his life.” Arvin suggested, all of the miserable ways this could end for the man twisting his heart in sadistic pleasure.

You shook your head though, “No, they won’t. It’s different for girls in small towns like this. Doesn’t matter what happened, you’re still the dirty no good whore, even if you were raped. The man is treated like a victim for even having the inkling of an accusation brought up.” After a few minutes, you suggested, “Why don’t we run off. We’ll all go to a new town, somewhere where nobody knows none of us. We’ll tell ‘em that your husband died in the war, leaving you with the baby. I’ll go with. I’ll help you raise it.”

She shook her head, “But what about Grandma and Uncle Earskell?” She did have a point. They were both getting on in age and would need more help than they already did.

You all sat in silence for a few moments, brainstorming ideas of what to do. Eventually, Arvin looked at his sister, “Don’t worry. We’ll figure something out.”

The three of you went back to the house for the rest of the night, knowing that everyone would be getting suspicious if you were out any longer.

The three of you kept the secret quiet, barely even speaking about it to each other. You’d been doing as much research on babies in the libraries at school, which earned you quite a few disapproving looks from people who assumed that you and Arvin were expecting. You were serious when you said that you had every intention of helping Lenora and so was Arvin.

Weeks had gone by with relatively no news. Well, that’s what the town thought at least. After finding out about what the Reverend had done to Lenora, Arvin had told you about his plan to watch him.

The pair of you had spent several afternoons staked out near the church, watching as he went to the place of worship and then left at night. But then you started noticing a frequent visitor. Jeanette Reaster. The pair would drive off to a little secluded field and, sure enough, Teagarden would have his way with her. Though you couldn’t hear what was said, it was clear that they’d been praying beforehand before she submitted to him fully. Now, you knew Jeanette Reaster and, much like Lenora, she was the last person you’d imagine having premarital sex for the fear of being struck down by God. Whatever this man had said to them must have been real convincing.

“Piece of shit…” Arvin leaned forward against the steering wheel of his car while you sat beside him. You both watched on as the Reverend laid the girl down and began his assault of falsely “holy” acts.

For respect of Jeanette, you both looked away during the actual act but when you saw her ride off, Teagarden got out of his car, a bunch of fabric in his hands and sniffed them as he watched her. “That fucking perv. How does nobody know about this?” You asked, disgusted. Reaster was a good girl. She didn’t deserve this abuse.

“We know about it.” Arvin said, putting the car in reverse, “And that’s enough.” Less than a week later, word got out that Jeanette Reaster had run off. Grandma had told Arvin and Lenora that her mother had said to her privately that Jeanette left a note saying that she was pregnant but the father refused to believe that he was the father. To spare her family the shame, she ran away and begged them to just say that they had no idea what had happened to her. That’s what her parents intended to do for their daughter’s sake but had entrusted Grandma with the secret just so they had somebody to talk to about it.

The day after she disappeared, they found her body on the side of the road just a few towns over. Nobody had any idea of what had happened except for you and Arvin. Both of you were convinced that Teagarden had murdered her to keep his secret from getting out.

The anger that was held between you and Arvin both was unparalleled. In part, you both felt partially responsible for her death. If only you’d said something, maybe you could have saved her. But neither of you even knew she was pregnant. That monster did to her exactly what he had probably planned to do to Lenora.

“We have to set things right.” Arvin said, sitting in his car one night with you in the woods, “That girl is dead and I can’t help but feel like it’s on me.” His head hung sadly, the weight of another death weighing on his heart.

You shifted sideways in the seat, your jeans rubbing against the vinyl car seats. You placed a hand gingerly on his cheek, “This is not your fault. This is the evil of a wicked man.”

“A girl is dead, Y/N. He got her pregnant and murdered her. He got Lenora pregnant and tried to convince her she was crazy. He’s taking advantage of innocent girls out here and then tying up the loose ends.” Arvin sat there, so much hurt behind his brown eyes. Then an idea dawned on him, “Do you trust me?”

The question took you off guard and it showed but you answered honestly, “Yes.”

Perhaps being quieter in church was for the best for this particular scenario. You’d never been as religious as the rest of your family or the rest of the town, for that matter. But this morning, you found yourself on your knees by your bedside. “Lord, please forgive the things that I am about to do. Please understand that I do this with the best intentions of protecting every other girl to cross paths with Preston Teagarden and to avenge the death of Jeanette Reaster. I pray that you please forgive Arvin as well as I know he is a man with nothing but good and love in his heart. In Jesus’ holy name, amen.”

Almost on cue, your mom knocked on the door to see you on your knees, “Arvin is out front waiting for you.” She announced with a warm smile, noticing your outfit, “You look nice, sweetie! Since when do you clean up all cute for that boy?” She teased, a loving smile on her face as you smoothed out your yellow dress that hung just below your knees. The sleeves were tight and went about halfway down your biceps. It was far from revealing with a neckline that stopped just below your collarbones but it still was tight enough to accentuate the shape of your concealed breasts. A brown belt was tied around your waist, showing off your figure.

“Yeah, well I figured that for once I might as well dress up and do something nice.” The lie slipped out smoothly despite the racing of your heart in your chest.

She pulled you in for a hug, “Well you tell Arvin that I want you back by nine tonight! I’ll be going over to Mrs. Hadderson’s for quilting today, just so you know, in case I’m not home when you get back.”

You picked up your bag and pulled her into a side hug, “Alright, Mama. Love you!” You hollered, running out the door. Arvin was dressed normally, just his blue jeans and t-shirt, but he still looked great as always.

When you slid into the passenger seat of his car, he perked up and looked over at you, “Not used to seeing you like this on any day but Sunday.” He attempted to joke but found it difficult considering what the two of you were planning on doing.

After driving a ways down the road, he asked, “Are you sure you want to be a part of this? Because I can drop you off with Lenora and I’ll take care of this myself.”

Looking over at him to see his eyes scanning your face for signs of hesitation, you placed your hand on his leg, “I’m not letting you do this alone.”

Not too deep down, Arvin felt terrible for allowing you to partake in this. Death had always seemed to follow him wherever he went; he didn’t want you to be stuck with the same curse. The two of you developed a plan but Arvin had created a backup just in case you decided you didn’t want to partake, not that he would blame you. He was terrified beyond belief himself but he’d decided that for the sake of every other girl in this town and any other one’s Teagarden had harmed in the past, he had to do this.

The only thing making him feel remotely at peace with your involvement was the fact that you weren’t actually doing the killing. You were the diversion, he was the trigger man. Arvin sighed, relenting to the fact that you were in on this, “Did you bring the rope?” He asked, eyes flicking over to you and your bag between glances at the road that moved beneath the wheels of his car.

You dug around in your little bag and pulled out a small length of rope, a weapon chosen for the lack of clean up. “Got it. You got the gun?”

Arvin pulled his denim jacket back just enough to show the handle of the Luger that once belonged to his father. This weapon was chosen for its reliability. Once you guys started, you had to finish otherwise he’d tell everyone.

Before you knew it, the tires were coming to a crunching halt on the rocky sideturn just around the corner from the church. A sudden wave of nausea came over you and you had to breathe deeply to settle it down. “You okay?” Arvin asked, reaching out for you.

You swallowed hard, “Yeah.” Sweat began to bead up on your brow as a million different images of what could happen in the next few minutes ran through your head.

Arvin watched as you zoned out on the dashboard and he knew exactly what was going on in your mind. It was the same inner conflict he’d had this morning before picking you up, when he first pocketed the gun. “Whatever happens today, I need you to know that I love you Y/N.”

You sucked a quick breath in. Neither of you had ever used the L-word before. Arvin was scared to because he’d lost so many people and the fewer people he loved, that fewer people he could lose. You had just never loved anyone romantically before and were too terrified that maybe you’d say it too early or think you felt it when you really didn’t. With Arvin, though, you knew it. “I love you too, Arvin.” You leaned forward and kissed him on the lips deeply, wanting nothing more than to stay against his skin for the rest of your lives. But, unfortunately, there was something you had to do first.

“Remember, just get him to bring you to the field. I will be there waiting. I won’t let anything happen to you, you hear?” Your faces were close together, so close your foreheads almost touched, as he went over the plan one last time, trying to make sure that you knew that you were safe as long as he was around.

“I know.” You gave him a small, reassuring smile, though it was far from a grin of actual happiness.

Arvin watched as you got out of the car, leaving the small bundle of rope behind, and walked down the dirt driveway to the church. You looked just like someone that pervert would fall head over heels for. There was an innocent sway to your hips and the way you held your bag close to your body screamed insecurity, but the kind of a young girl who doesn’t know how beautiful she is. The funny thing was that this wasn’t something totally out of character for you. Sure, you had a mouth and fist that could dish as much as it could take, and yeah, you and Arvin had been together for almost half a year, but there was still a youthful innocence to you. There was still a brightness in your eyes and a pep in your step, one that hadn’t been beat down by the tragedies of life yet. It was one of the things that Arvin found most attractive about you but it was also one of the things that Preston Teagard would as well.

The doors of the church were cracked open just slightly when you approached and you could see the Reverend sitting in the pews, reading his Bible, through the gap. Taking one less final deep breath, you pressed the door open and stepped in, the heels of your little white chucks padding against the hardwood. Teagard turned around at the sound, “Why, hello, there.” He greeted warmly. It disgusted you how this man could act no different after knowing what he’d just done but the worst monsters were human.

“Uh, hi there, Reverend. I’m sorry to bother but I just needed to talk to you about something.” You began, accentuated your Appalachian drawl while trying to make your voice sound as young and innocent as you could.

He patted the pew beside him, “Well, my child, you’ve come to the right place. That’s what I’m here for. Now, why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind?”

Skin crawling as you walked, you forced your feet to move towards the man and sit beside him. Right away, his arm stretched behind your shoulders as he sat uncomfortably close. At first, you avoided eye contact, “Well, um, you see, I’ve been… straying from the light and I really want to get right with God.”

This had to be the first truth you’d told anyone other than Arvin today. You felt too terrible lying in the presence of God so you’d found a way to genuinely get your feelings off your chest while still luring Teagarden into your trap.

He rubbed his chin and hummed, “The fact that you acknowledge this means you haven’t strayed too far. God always comes back to his flock, even to those little sheepies who’ve gone astray. Why don’t you tell me more.” He urged.

Your hands squeezed the strap of your bag tightly, “I… I have lustful thoughts sometimes.”

Preston was lucky he’d had a lot of practice concealing his emotions because he’d be lying if he said that those words didn’t stir something in him, “Now are these just thoughts or have you acted on them?”

“Oh, just thoughts, Reverend. I’ve never acted on any of them.” You reassured, finally meeting his eyes. They seemed to look at you with such understanding that you could see why Lenora and Jeanette had fallen for him.

He nodded in approval, “And who are these thoughts about?”

This was where you’d have to do a bit more lying, “I don’t really want to say.” You blushed bright red. You knew that Preston must have taken this as a sign that it was about him but it wasn’t. Your dirty thoughts never strayed from Arvin.

Preston looked away and then back down at you, “You’re going with that Russel boy, right?”

Silently, you nodded, not wanting to incriminate your boyfriend too much in this process of confession.

“Has he ever touched you?” Preston pressed, his body getting closer to yours inch by inch until your legs were nearly touching.

The red in your cheeks wasn’t part of the act anymore but genuine. You shook your head, “No, never.” You felt almost panicked at the question.

“Have you ever touched yourself to these thoughts?” His voice became slower, more cautious as his inquiries got riskier and riskier.

You found yourself unable to maintain eye contact with him anymore and looked back down at your shoes instead, just shaking your head, “No, I feel too weird. Like it’s a violation or somethin’.”

Preston looked away, as if considering something, before turning back to you, “Can I show you some place? I find it helps me feel closer to God when I feel like I’m goin’ astray. Perhaps I could help.”

Hook and sink. He’d fallen right into the trap. With a shy nod, you agreed sweetly, “Yeah, yeah, I’d like that. Is it far?”

Teagard shook his head, “Oh no, not too far at all. But I’ll drive so we don’t have to walk.”

Getting him to drive you to the spot was just as easy as you imagined it would be. With a quick glance in the rear view mirror, you noticed a car in the far distance behind you that you immediately recognized as Arvin following. Preston’s car came to a stop in the same field you’d seen him take Jeanette Reaster to a few weeks ago, facing the woods ahead.

It really was quite peaceful and would have been a pretty sight if you weren’t with a sexual predator. Again, his arm slid around your shoulders and you breathed in deeply, the intense sexual tension making you uncomfortable even though you had every intention of finishing him off before he even got a hand up your skirt.

“You said that Russel boy has never touched you. Have you ever shown him yourself?” The fact that this man had the nerve to ask you such questions disgusted you beyond belief but you kept up the facade.

“Like naked?” You clarified, seeing him nod, “No, not naked. We went to the lake one time so he saw me in my bathing suit then but that’s not exactly the same thing.”

Preston chuckled at your naivety, “No, no, not the same thing at all. You know how you’re supposed to save yourself for marriage to be right with the Lord. But there is nothing that brings you closer back to our heavenly father than to be as Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, the garden of pure paradise.”

“How is that so?” You cranked up the childlike inquisitive nature as you looked up at him with big doe eyes.

Preston had to fight the urge to take you here and now, looking at you like this, but he remained strong for the sake of the process. “They were made in his image. We all were but they were his original children. The pure, unaltered image of God himself, before the sin of man tainted it all. By showing yourself in your pure, unaltered image, you bring yourself closer to the light.”

Your brows furrowed, “But didn’t you just say that premarital sex is a sin?” This may have been jeopardizing your mission but you felt inclined to point out the hypocrisy before you offed the man.

He nodded, chest falling and rising with a heavy sigh, “It depends on who you’re with. I’m a man of God myself and I like to model myself after Jesus. I’d like to think that makes me an extension of His love and power and therefore an outlet for you to feel safe to do whatever you need to do in order to be right with Him.”

With a shaky breath, you bit your lip, “Alright. H-how do I-?”

Preston watched as you fiddled with the hem of your skirt and let his mind wander to what else those fingers might be good at. “First, let us pray.” He reached over and held your hand, “Lord, Y/N is showing herself to you. See her Lord, as you made her. She presents herself to you. Give her strength. Amen.”

“Amen.” You muttered after him, your fingers slowly going to unbutton your dress. This wasn’t how you’d imagined the first time a boy seeing you in your knickers going. In your mind, it had always been on a nice romantic evening with Arvin and a selfish part of you wanted it to stay that way but then you remembered why you were doing what you were doing and sucked down the reservations. At least you weren’t actually losing your virginity to the monster.

Nervous fingers fuddled with the button for just a moment too long and Teagarden twisted sideways, hands coming to cover yours, “May I?” He offered his assistance.

Your heart thumped so loud you could hear it but you nodded silently, letting your fingers fall onto your thighs. With deftly skilled fingers, he had your blouse unbuttoned before long and had pushed it off your shoulders. Your breath caught in your throat at this much exposure, your breasts just barely concealed under only the fabric of your bra. Lord, you prayed silently, please let this be over with quickly.

Your eyes slid closed, trying to imagine that it was Arvin touching you instead of Preston Teagarden but then the mere thought of comparing the two made you sick to your stomach. They were nothing alike.

A set of chapped lips kissed your forehead gently, then your cheek, and then, finally, your lips. At first, you drew back, but still kept your eyes closed, trying to mask the disgust with untouched hesitance. You forced your body to relax again and Preston took that as a cue to continue with what he was doing, his lips returning to yours.

Wasting no time, he’d crawled over you until your back was flush against the seat. You placed your hands awkwardly and haphazardly on Preston’s shoulder’s, trying to feign inexperienced confusion. You and Arvin may not have ever gone all the way, but you’d at least gone this far.

Preston’s lips moved down your neck and your breath got caught in your throat. As much as you hated it, he knew what he was doing. This man knew all the right buttons to push to make a nervous girl submit to his every desire and, though you were well aware of the game he was playing and had zero attraction to him, the physical reactions were almost impossible to stop. Your body shuddered when his stubble, something Arvin lacked, scratched the sensitive skin of your neck, sending a shiver down your spine. Your eyes were open wide now, just waiting for your boyfriend to finally show up and save you from this situation.

Arvin approached the car and slowly and quietly as he could. The windows were up so it wasn’t too big an issue as long as he wasn’t clanging metal but he figured he didn’t want to take any chances. When approached the driver’s window, his heart wrenched and he immediately regretted putting you in this position.

Preston was on top of you, his hands roaming all around your semi-exposed chest. He knew that you’d never been exposed like that to anyone before and he suddenly felt sick with himself for allowing the first time to be with anyone beside him, let alone Preston fucking Teagard.

He expected to have to psych himself up for the actual kill, to have to convince himself to do it but when you locked eyes with him, a silent plea to get the man off of you, it came unnervingly natural. With the rope already wrapped around both of his fists, Arvin reached for the handle and threw the door open, looping the rope around Preston’s neck and dragging him back out of the car. Preston’s eyes were wide with shock and fear, “What the fuck?!” He hollered in fear, the words turning to gagging and choking. His hands grasped at the rope but Arvin had it pulled too tightly.

Preston’s body was kicking against the grass but his neck and head were pressed against Arvin’s chest, who was kneeling in the field.

“You really thought you could get away with what you did to my Lenora? To that poor Reaster girl you murdered? And then I bet you were willing to do the same to her over there too, huh?” He seethed, notioning over to you with a flick of his chin.

The reverend tried to say something, anything to defend himself or get himself out of this situation but Arvin never let up so the words came out as disgustingly graphic chokes. You crawled out of the car, not knowing what you could do to help or secure the situation but feeling useless now.

In a few minutes time, his lips had turned blue and the thrashing of his body had stopped. Arvin finally let up and the body slump into the grass. He crawled back and away from the man who had only moments ago been all over you, touching you.

That was when he remembered that you were there still. He’d gotten so blinded by rage that he almost blacked out, caught up in the task at hand. But when he looked up, his heart began to beat again and he stood up, rushing to you, “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

Your face was pale and blank, almost as if you were in shock. Your top was still totally unbuttoned, white modest bra still exposed to the world but you didn’t look like you cared at all. If Arvin was being honest, this wasn’t how he’d pictured seeing you topless for the first time going. He always hoped it would be romantic and with more than enough time to compliment every inch of your perfect body. Instead, you looked scared and shocked and almost like you could be sick.

“Y/N?” He urged, coming stand between you and Preston’s body, attempting to break your view of it. He reached down and began to re-button your blouse for you.

“I’m fine,” You said flatly, only moving to look up at him, “Are you okay?”

With a glance down at his knuckles, the rope burn was clear to see, but Arvin had been through much worse, “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I’m so sorry that I let him do that. This whole idea was stupid and now-”

“No,” You interrupted, finally snapping out of your shocked state and bringing your hands up to rest on his, which were on your chest now, “He can’t hurt anyone anymore.”

Arvin didn’t actually feel remorse for killing the man. The only thing he wanted was to take you back home, or rather far away, where there weren’t any reminders of today’s events. He wanted to show you how special you were, how much he loved you, and how brave he thought you were for being willing to be Teagarden’s last victim for the better good of the world.

#the devil all the time #tdalt #tdalt fics #arvin russell #arvin russel x reader #arvin russel imagines #do you trust me?#dark fics #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland one shot #tom holland x reader

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zuffer-weird-girl · 3 years ago

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Red hair as roses, and turquoise eyes as orchids

"Dada look!" The bored and depressed blue eyes stood up from his lap to his 6 years old daughter, extending her tiny hands up high in the air.

"Be careful with what you're gonna do pretty doll." He manage to smirk a bit as she pouted, strands of red brushing against her forehead until a huge wave of flames of the colour blue danced around her hands until she jumped and a small prinkle of flames were throw in the air.

She laughed at the sign and clapped her hands in glee at her own little show as Dabi let out a chuckle at seeing the happines of his daughter... instead of him, Emika had the blessing of having a body that could tolerate the heat enough of his quirk that she inherited it from him. Your quirk itself being a huge help for the little girl to not have scars as her father's.

"Did you see Dada?! It was soooo huge and beautiful!!!" She ran towards him only to trip and thankfully landed on the brunette male's lap, giggling with a smile so bright that could've hury his eyes.

"Hmm. Almost like mine princess, im impressed." His hands carresed her chubby cheeks until he heard murmuring behind them.

Of course. Even with his disguise, that were people whose were going to mutter, say bad things... he lost count on how many times Emika had been bullied because her quirk was similiar with the most cruel and wanted villain....

And much to his dismay, Emika didn't take that... very well.

"WHAT ARE YOU WHISPERING ABOUT?! LEAVE US ALONE!" the little girl shouted and the adults only scoffed, picking up their kids and getting out of the park.

"You're going to scare off anyone with that attitude of yours princess." He muttered while carresing her red hair and picking her up as she scoffed.

"They cant say bad things about MY dada!" He smiled at the little girl and sighed.

"Yeah yeah, just lets get out of here before you burn things down."

"Thats something you would do!" She poked his scarred cheek. "Ne ne dada? We gonna visit mama right? I want to bring flowers to her this time!"

His eyes dropped at the ground as his feet carried them to the cemetery...

"We can arrange that."

"Mama was so pretty!!!" Emika squealed as Spinner and Toga showed her some photos as Dabi stared holes into their skulls.

Is not that he didn't wanted his daughter to forget or to not know about her mother... but it was painfull enough to have a father as a villain, now being a mother orphan was just more harder.

Emika couldn't go to school without being recognized as Dabi's daughter. So he brought himself the task to teach her things , being thankfull to his past self that he had studied enough.

"Yeah and she was strong as fuck too according to your dad there." Spinner grinned, showing a picture of you pinning down a hero on the middle of the street.

"Emika-chan, despite not meeting (Y/n) you look so much like her!" Toga beamed with a smile, fangs showing and the little girl giggling when Dabi just yanked her away from the two.

"Naaaaaa dada no bed time!" She squirmed as he carried her to now the comfortable room the league gotten ever since the incident with Shigaraki and Redestro.

"Dont complain or else Im going to take away your toy." He grumbled as the girl gasped and pouted at him much like you would do.

"You wouldn't!" She defies him with a cheeky smile although while settling down on the bed she shared with him.

"Try me." He smirked with a atched eyebrow making her laugh.

Some time passed and Dabi watched as the eyelids of Emika slowly dropped until she called him softly.

"This place we are now... we gonna stay or are the bad man breaking it and we have to move again?" His heart clenched.. she still had the memories when the league had captured that blonde kid and the heroes busted the bar...

With her own view, she saw the villains as the good and normal people despite Toga being a crazy assasin that loved drinking blood, Shigaraki a men that only wanted to destriy the world, Twice a bipolar man and the list goes on...

Emika saw the villains as good people, and the heroes as bad ones... after all, after she found out on her own that her mother died not because of childbirth, but because of a hero that accidentally killed her with a much too strong attack... and only because she wanted to protect the baby on her arms at that time.

So much blood dropped from his eyes... some even dropping on your lifeless body and on the crying baby he soon noticed that thankfully was alive.

He would never forget whem he craddled the baby on his arms and sobbed deyly as his child wailed at not having the warmth of her mother anymore.

Things were tough until they found the league of villains and had at peast a place to crash.

Emika was now soudly asleep as he sighed and brushed his hair.

"When the heroes come to us... I will make sure yoi stay outta of the mess Emika. But you will not like to know the truth about our origins..." he muttered as a scarred hand brushed her bangs and smirked when she nuzzled on his hand... reminding him of how you would nuzzle on him on cold nights...

"Time to sleep off huh? The more we sleep, the pess we have to face the reality." He muttered before laying down and bringing her close to his chest.

"Dada..." she whimpered as fat tears fell feom her turquoise eyes as she tremblingly holded the box of paper towels, helping him clean off the blood from his stapples as he took a final look on the mirror, his white hair finally at show for the first time in so many years.

"Hey," he crouched down and made his best to not wince "I'm fine. Daddy is used to this by now and-"

"bUT I'M NOT!" she yelled and punched his chest with her tiny fist as he frowned and holded her as she sobbed on his chest.

"...Is it true..?" He looked down at the tuff of red hair on his chest "That uncle Twice is not coming back..? That.. T-That grandpa did this to you..m that we are from the family of E-Endeavour?"

He frowned and wiped her tears away as she holded his wrist while sobbing at the loss of Twice, whose always played and made silly faces with her on spare times.

"Yeah... Im sorry for not telling you... but I thought that... Me and your mother actually decided that Emika (L/n) was better than puttingnon a fake and... well, not right name on yours."

"... which hero... killed... mama..?" His heart stopped... should he reaally tell her? She was only a baby of five years.. five fucking years... he was already damaged by society, but her was just a little flower growing...

"Princess.. I-"

"Who?!" She sobbed as his eyes dropped, a heavy sigh as he dinally sit down on the edge of the sofa as he put his hand on his face as the other helped her sit on his lap.

"... your grandpa."

Emika cried heraelf to sleep that night. Wailing that she hated the heroes, that she hated Endeavour, that she hated him for not telling her the truth for so long, that she hated having fo be a Todoroki.

Each word was a spike to his chest as he tried and eventually succeed on calming her down enough, from harsh sobs and eails to soft sniffles and the rest of the tears she had to sheed.

He hugged her just a bit tighter that night as one drop of blood fell from his eyes.

"I thought I could do it (Y/n)... I fucking promised you... but... fuck." He bited his bottom scarred lips to contain a whimper "Everything is just the worst now... why did you have to be so goddamn stubborn and risk your life dammit..."

"Is your fourth bowl of ice cream ya know?" Dabi muttered from his place on the miserable yet comfy apartment you two shared as you stared back at him with a spoonfull of your favorite ice cream on hand close to your mouth.

"I have the right. I'm pregnant. Leave me be." You made a show of putting the spoon on your mouth and moaning out loud as Dabi shooked his head in dismay before taking a place on your side ofbthe couxh before you two cringed at the sounds of the old mobile almost creaking.

"We need to got money to find a new couch." You muttered horrified, just apmost ending all of your money on baby supplies and clothes.

"Or I can just steal one." He smirked at the slight slap you gave to him.

"And have shitty heroes coming our way later? Nu uh mister... maybe just rob a bank though." You muttered before both of you chuckled as you laid your head on his shoulder as he subconsciously placed his hand on the sweel of your stomach and felt a kick already.

"She is going to be a daddy's girl. Im so sure of it." You giggled as he arched an eyebrow.

"How cam you say this already? We dont even know if it is a girl of a boy doll."

"I know is a girl. I just know it. And she has already a favorite parent." You carresed your belly just besides where Dabi's hand was layed on.

"You're exaggerating." He chuckled as he felt another kick "They are going to be a nasty oen though, they kick alot."

"She kicks a lot when your nearby or talking to her. Just like I said, a daddy's girl." You smiled sweetly at him and he never felt so happy...

He looked at your lips for a second as you narrowed your eyes playfully at him before your lips almost touched-

He woke up with a hand tapping on his cheek and soon saw his daughter looking down at him with a pout.

"Can we go walk?" She almost whimpered as he could only stare and slowly nod as he caught his disguise and a very own for her.

She clunged to the black bunny plushie as she walked with pinks connected to him as he stated down at her in worry until she gasped at a convenience store.

"Dada! Snickers!" She pointed as he smiled at seeing a bit of bright on her eyes once again.

"How about we get some, eh?" She nodded with a small smile and soon followed her dad inside.

While she waited for Dabi to get the snacks and pay for them, for once, she gasped when a purple haired boy at the same age as her bumped accidentaly to her making her plushie drop.

"Hey!" She called out with tears on her eyes, being emotionally damaged enough for those past days.

"I'm sorry." The boy said immediatly, kneeling and grabbing the plushie to hand it to her "Its yours?" He tilted his head as Emika grabbed immediatly.

"Of course it was! It was with me until you bunped on me!" Emika slowly dropped her tone of voice at seeing how the purple haired boy seemed genuily sorry as he aproached and bowed once again.

"Sorry, I just am here to grab some medice and a chocolate for my mom and dad. They're both sick and they dont know i went out so I needed to hurry." He smiled as Emika soon dropped slowly her guard down as she muttered.

"Is okay... is just that bunny is speacial to me."

"I can see why. Your mama gave it to you right." Her turquoise eyes widened as she frowned her eyebrows at the boy.

"Kinda of..?" She clinged to the toy "Why do you that?"

He closed his eyes with a tiny giggle.

"Well, she told me as soon as you started to tear up. She is always by your side aparently." Emika eyes darkned and she let go of one hand of the plushie to heat up her hand.

"Say that one more time. I dare you. My mama is not here." She almost cried until the purple boy touched her forehead with two fingers and soon she was not more in the grocery store, but in a blank space.

"HEY YOU!" she shouted "THIS IS NOT FUNNY LET OUT YOU FUCK-"

"Geez, daddy did not spare you of curse words then?" She froze and looked behind her and saw the sane woman Dabi showed photos of and was compared whenever she was laughing or making a trick on others.

She froze for a bit before silently tears started to fall and she hiccupped for a bit before dropping her bunny and running to you as you hugged her tightly.

"Mama! I cant believe-! Is you-! I-I-" she hicupped as you wiped her tears with your thumb and let some of your own fall.

"You're take so much of your dada im so happy... My little girl is just so beautiful..." you whispered as she sobbed while wiping her tears with her sleeve.

"D-Dada!" She gasped before smiling widely and grabbing your sleeve "Dada needs to see this! Mama he misses you a lot he need to see yo-"

"Im sorry princess..." you grabbed her cheek softly "I wanted to see your daddy just as much, but I cant...." her face fell a bit but soon nodded while playing with your fingers and hair.

"Mama? Why did you do it?" You hummed as she looked up hesitantly "Why did youbleave dad? Why... you took.. Endeavour attack..?" She asked sadly as you furrowed your eyebrows but soon closed your eyes and smiled.

"Emika... the day you were born was the day I was gone as well... but when I saw your grandpa recognizing me as a villain and blasted an attack close to where you were... I just had to. I had to protect the feuit of love that me and your father made..." you smiled sadly as she sniffed.

"But you arent with us..." she almost sobbed until you made her look up.

"Emika... Im so sorry for the loneliness you had to endure... the pain... that was the only dowside of the decision I made. My swest little girl..." you cuppex her cheek and wiped a tear "Thank you for letting me be your mother, and Touya for being your father..."

You touched your forehead with her as she noticed your body was slowly turning to tiny hints of lights and fireflies.

"Mama..?" She looked at you crying softly as you kissed her forehead.

"Emika, evertime you see a star in the dark sky it will be me watching over you and your dada... and please understand one thing," you got away from her as your hair floated majestically "Dying for you, was a noble sacrifice I did for love..."

She widened her eyes as she grabbed your hands as you giggled at her expression.

"Say to dada Im watching him too, and that loving him were the happier moments I spend... I love him and always will...after all, he is my canolli, dead or not, okay?"

The littpe girl gasped and looked at the place she was, the grocery store and the boy from earlier retracting his hand with a unsure littpe smile.

"It was your quirk... you... you made me talk with my mama." She says outstruck as the boy giggled but soon gasped at looking the time.

"I have to go! But I hope we meet again." He ran to the door with the bags before looking one more time behind to her "Call me Akira! See you soon Emika-chan!"

She stood there in complete shook before brushing her fingers on the tingling spot you had kissed on her forehead before smiling widely and giggling before knocking her daddy's leg as he grunted.

"Emika what the-"

"Mama is watching us!" She bounced up and down as he atood with a 'what the fuck' expression.

"What the hell Emika?" He grabbed the packs and carried her as he walked on the street.

"Mama said your name is Touya dada! Which I found strange at first but anyway! She kissed my forehead! Hugged me and said how much she loves me and you and is watching us! She is a star dada! A star!!"

His eyes widened. Emika didn't hear his speech to Endeavour. Emika didn't know his real name was Touya instead of Dabi as the league called him... so she was not imagining neither making things up.

"..so you saw mama?" She giggled and nodded while boucing on his arms. "... did she say something else?" He asked hopefully and she smiled widely as much as you would do.

"She said loving you was the most happier she got! And that your are her canolli forever!"

His steps faltered and almost that he dropped his daughter as his eyes widened... only you knew that god for saken nickname you gaved to him...

"Dada?" His daughter words and hands on his cheeks made him ho back to reality as he saw the blood on his little girl's fingers and worried expression "Are you crying..? Dada?"

"Heh..." he wiped with one thumb the blood before smilling at her and continuing walking "Nah. Must be one of my staples..." he stared up as his daughter rested her face on his neck. "Mama is a star then?"

"Ya.." she yawned "Watching us... I bet she is that one." The little girl pointed at the shiniest star on the sku as Dabi smiled...

"Yeah... I also bet on that one."

#dabi x reader #touya todoroki x reader #bnha villains x reader #bnha villains #bnha fanfictions #bnha fanfic #zuffer writings #dabi #touya todoroki #bnha oc

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kiwikipedia · 4 years ago

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Cin Drallig didn’t have Clones under his command. We know this, he wasn’t a General, he was the Battlemaster and head of the Temple Guard Security. But I propose an AU.

It starts with a small choice. After a long day of standing and doing quite literally nothing for hours on end, the Temple Guards who were on the day shift disperse into Coruscant. Technically not against the Jedi Way but going to get inebriated or just bar hopping for the fun of it— or worse, getting into the semi-illegal, underground, lower level fighting rings— wasn’t exactly something that the Jedi looked favorably upon.

But the Jedi Temple Guard get restless after standing still for so long, especially the newer Guards, and Cin pretends he doesn’t see when a group of his kids Guards come stumbling back in the early morning hours with credits won from a gambling match and wide grins.

Anyhow, like any other Jedi, the Guard do have friends among the rest of the Temple, so they know of the Clones and have obviously seen them when Jedi arrive and leave the temple with their Battalions, Companies, Platoons— you know, the usual. After a while, the Guards just... start showing up at 79s and interact with the Clones while there. Which is weird because, first of all, when dressed in civvie clothing, the Guard are practically unrecognizable as very few see their faces, but secondly these are just random Jedi coming up to Clones and buying them drinks, playing card games with them, or thanking them for their efforts on the Front.

Several ask for stories about the time on the Front because “We’re stuck on Coruscant and sure, the duty to protect the Temple is really important but we were all trained by Master Drallig beyond our own Padawan training. I’m pretty sure Master Drallig is just as restless as we are too” and they want to know about what they’re not allowed to go and see themselves. Of course, War is horrible, and more than one Guard is horrified about whats going on— especially when a certain Jedi’s battalion gets back Krell you bitc h im talking about you— and they all learn about the casualty numbers.

The Guard does talk in their free time, their masks have coms built into them— and Cin has an earpiece to keep in contact with the Guard as well. Though they seem to forget that he’s on their group link and they all start talking during shifts while they stand outside the doors or in the halls about the War and the Clones and, whoops, one of them lets it slip that they cant believe that the Clones are supposed to fight Darksiders without Lightsabers. Like sure, Blasters do damage, and certainly more than one Jedi has been gunned down ( “Rest in the Force, Master Di” is echoed through the link ) but really! Theres only so much their Armor can do for them! A lightsaber would cut through it like flimsi.

Cin, of course, startles them all by asking for confirmation that the Clones— who he had been told were all trained to be very skilled in combat— had no Saber training because remember, Cin and the Temple Guard knew very little about the Clones because they were told that “it’s not I mportant to tell you all, as you won’t be working with the Clones”

Once he has confirmation that no, the Clones didn’t have any Saber training and were expected to go up against Darksiders like Ventress and Dooku with just blasters and their bodies, he just sighs.

The next day he brings three of the Guard and also Bene with him down to the Barracks— and a shit ton of practice Sabers. And who else was there but the Clone Dad ™ we all know and love? That’s right, and guess who thinks training the Clones to use lightsabers is a great idea and “Well, now I wonder why I hadn’t thought of it first, Master Drallig”?

Plo fucking Koon.

So of course, the 104th is put through what the Padawans had called “Training Hell”— especially since the Clones don’t have years between deployments like the Initiates had before becoming padawans. The Six forms are taught, Cin brings in more of the Guard who have mastered their respective Forms and Bene has fun with the Boys ™ as well because she goes through katas with them, wipes the floor in practice duels with others, and now the Guard has to compete with the 104th (and Plo) spoiling Bene.

( ”You’re spoiling my Padawan, Master Koon” “[laughter] your padawan? I think you mean ours” “If that’s the case then our men should know not to spoil her so much. The Guard do a fantastic job on their own.” )

( This is, of course, without even bothering to ask the Council or the GAR’s higher ups, this is all on his and the Guard’s own actions— its easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. But hey, if Plo Koon was on board than Cin has a leg up if it get brought to the Council anyways. )

When the 104th leaves for the Front again, guess whose Clones are next— the 501st. This time the rumors are going around that the 104th is suddenly more vicious than before and the 501st is eager to know what happened while they were on shore-leave. They soon regret it, because Training Hell is— well— Hell. Anakin and Ahsoka have flashbacks to when they went through Training Hell and Bene laughs at them.

Slowly, each Clone battalion, platoon, company and so on are being trained by a near constant rotation of the Temple Guard, Bene, and Cin— and their own Jedi as well. A few knights that Cin personally trained— like Serra Keto— as well join in when they can. Cin puts in a request to go to Illum and gather more Kyber Crystals for more “training sabers” but half the Council who know and approve of Cin’s actions already know— the man’s planning on making at least a thousand lightsabers for the Vode to pass around.

The Temple Guard have a Lightsaber Building Night where they assemble the “training sabers” together and talk about their Clones because the Vode might have their Jedi Generals, but the Guard have claimed all of the ones they’ve trained as theirs too. Especially the Coruscant Guard.

Bene happily gives Fox, Thorn, Thire, Stone, and Hound their lightsabers first, having assembled all of them with Serra.

(And now for the angst)

It’s all well and good— the GAR starts gaining more ground, less Clones are dying.

And then Operation Knightfall and Order 66 hit.

The Jedi on the ground cannot possibly raise their sabers to these men that they helped train, cant possibly defend from blaster shots while also blocking lightsaber strikes that were taught under the Battlemaster’s strict teaching because he taught them to keep them alive—

And in the Temple?

Well, after Grand Inquisitor murdered all the Guard he could find, even after everything, those that remain are just horrified as they are forced into battle with their vode. Certainly, Cin’s job of protecting the Temple from the Clones is much harder than before, now that they’re armed with Lightsabers and it hurts because “by gods what have I done, I’ve given them the means to kill us all—” but also “I trained these men, they were like the Guard, like my sons—”

Instead of Vader, Cin’s murdered by six lightsaber wielding clones after a split second of faltering because gods he can’t.

And for a split second, when the sabers enter his body, the Clones behind them jolt awake— horrified as they realize that it’s Teacher Drallig on the other end, face twisted in pain as he falls and it’s little Bene’s choking gasps that are behind them as Vader strangles her to death.

But that split second is over too soon, and the Sabers are removed and the Clones move on— good soldiers follow orders, after all, and Teacher Drallig and Little Bene the Jedi Battlemaster and his student were just Traitors, after all. Good soldiers follow orders.

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vyladromeave · 4 years ago

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SHADOWKNIGHT HEADCANONS MASTERPOST

This is how Shadowknights work in my brain. It just is.

(Warning this is super long. like really long. its literally like 3k+ words im not kidding. i did include a couple pictures to help break up the text though. so. good luck.)

Becoming A Shadowknight

There is only one requirement for a person to become a shadowknight: they have to die. Anyone who dies has the potential to become a shadowknight. Whether they actually become one or not depends entirely on whether they would be of use to the Shadow Lord or not.

The Shadow Lord picks new knights from many factors, such as if they were an important person when they were alive, are already skilled in combat/magick, are generally vengeful, or have unfinished business making them more willing to follow the Shadow Lord’s will of destroying the Overworld and its inhabitants. (For this reason, ghosts have become less common in the Overworld, since many souls who would normally become ghosts when they die are recruited as new Shadow Knights instead.)

Not everyone who dies is able to become a Shadowknight. The Shadow Lord, especially without a physical form, is not strong enough to reach out to all dead souls. Souls that are more vengeful/angry in death are easier for the Shadow Lord to locate, and so are souls of those that die in the Nether. There are also specific rituals that can make it easier for Shadow Lord to reach out to a specific soul, but these are uncommon since they take a lot of time and effort to do successfully. Only very valuable potential Shadowknights get this kind of treatment. (This is what happened to Laurance.)

•

Shadowknights and Immortality

All Shadowknights are immortal, as in immune to aging. They can’t die of natural causes, and because of this they can hypothetically live forever. Some Shadowknights choose to take this to the next level, becoming virtually unkillable. This next stage is referred to as becoming a “full Shadowknight,” and can only be achieved when a Shadowknight kills a specific target.

This target will be different for each Shadowknight. The only requirements of this target are that it has to be someone the Shadowknight cared about during their life, and that the Shadow Lord is the one who picks the final target. (So if you were a guard of a village, even if you cared about someone else more, your target would probably still be the lord you were protecting, since the death of a lord would cause a lot more chaos.)

A Shadowknight who has reached this next level of immortality is virtually unkillable. Their physical body can be destroyed, but they will reform in the Nether in a new, identical body if this ever happens. (Their new, reformed body will be identical to the first one that they reform as, not identical to however they currently look. So if they lost a hand as a Shadowknight, died, and reformed, they would reform with their hand back. If they lost a hand before becoming a Shadowknight, they would always reform without that hand.)

This next level of immortality is the expectation for all Shadowknights to achieve, although not many of them do. Shadowknights who do not are often looked down upon, and may have to prove themselves more rigorously than other Full Shadowknights. Shadowknights who are not Full Shadowknights are often referred to as “Premature,” “New,” or “Lesser” Shadowknights.

However, besides being unkillable, becoming a Full Shadowknight has no extra benefits. It is very possible for a “Lesser” Shadowknight to be much more skilled or powerful than a Full Shadowknight, since becoming a Full Shadowknight doesn’t actually increase your strength at all.

A Shadowknight who can reform can still be killed under very specific circumstances. If a Shadowknight’s soul is destroyed, the Shadowknight is killed permanently. This can ONLY be achieved through magical means, and even then can be difficult to achieve.

•

Shadow Souls

Even when a killable Shadowknight dies, they don’t truly leave. When you become a Shadowknight, your soul is permanently bound to the Nether. A Shadowknight whose body has died becomes doomed to roam the Nether as a Shadow Soul for all eternity.

With no body or mind left, Shadow Souls lose themselves quickly. They lose little pieces of themself until there is nothing left but a mindless, vengeful soul. Even the strongest, most collected Shadowknight would lose themself as a Shadow Soul in a matter of days. They have no desires other than wanting to be alive and have a body again.

They have the ability to possess Shadowknights, although usually only ones who are newer or weaker. Most Shadow Souls are imprisoned in the jails of the Shadow Lord’s fortress to keep them from harassing and possessing Shadowknights.

(This possession is what happened to Alexis. A lot of weird, special circumstances had to be met for her to be possessed since she wasn’t (and still isn’t) a Shadow Knight.)

Even without possession, Shadow Souls can feed off the power and emotion of Shadowknights nearby. The most effective way to deal with a Shadow Soul is to use as little magic or power as possible, since they will feed and grow stronger on the excess, and can prevent abilities from being used by feeding off the energy that would be used to activate it. The Shadow Souls that are imprisoned in the Nether’s jails stop imprisoned Shadowknights from being able to use any of their Shadowknight abilities that might help them escape.

•

Consuming a Soul

Although it is done very rarely, a Shadowknight can consume another Shadowknight’s soul. This is INCREDIBLY taboo, since it can permanently kill a Shadowknight who has the ability to reform. This fear of permanent death ensures that any knight who consumes other Shadowknight souls will be killed, or treated as an enemy/exile if they can escape with their life.

Consuming a Shadowknight’s soul can give the Shadowknight a small, temporary boost in power, both magickally and physically. The more souls they consume, the more powerful they can become, and the longer this temporary boost will last.

Most Shadowknights will fight back against being consumed. Shadow Souls are easier targets. Full Shadowknights are much harder to consume since they are much more sentient/mindful/powerful/motivated by the will to reform, and often flee instead of being consumed. Also, their body must be destroyed before their soul can be consumed, which adds an extra step to the already tiring process.

•

Loss of Sentience

Some Shadowknights become nothing more than a puppet for the Shadow Lord, a creature with no thoughts or will of their own. This usually occurs immediately upon being reborn as a Shadowknight due to the trauma of the event, but can also occur over time in Shadowknights who have lost a sense of self or sense of purpose.

Some think that this happens because the soul of the Shadowknight tries to die or move on, but is unable to do so because of how it is bound to the Nether/the Shadowknight’s body. As a result, the knight is left with nothing but a mindless husk of their former self. Ultimately, there is no definite answer as to why this happens, although this is the most popular theory among Shadowknights.

Shadowknights who have lost their sentience can never regain it, presumably because parts of them have already passed on and do not wish to/are not able to return. A Shadowknight without their sentience has eyes that are permanently cloudy-looking and less reflective (like how eyes cloud over on death).

•

A Reformed Body

When a person dies and becomes a Shadowknight, the new body they reform into is not the actual body they died in. The grave of a person who became a Shadowknight would still have a body in it. The body they reform into is a near perfect replica of the one that died, but it doesn’t “feel” the same.

The only exception to this rule is if the Shadowknight died as a child, and their body wasn’t already fully grown. All Shadowknights have fully-grown bodies, regardless of what age they died as. This is simply because a fully-grown body is stronger and more fit to serve as a knight. This can be very disturbing to Shadowknights who died younger, since they have to adapt to a body that they can only vaguely identify as their own. (This is what happened to Vylad.)

•

A Sturdier Body

The body of a Shadowknight is different from the body of a human. All Shadowknights are naturally stronger, fastier, hardier, and heal quicker than the average human. They are literally made for the sole intention of being mass-killing soldiers, so it only makes sense that their new bodies reflect that.

When they heal, no scars are left behind. The only scars a Shadowknight will have are ones they obtained previously, before or on death. The only exceptions to this rule are if they lose a limb/eye/etc. If the Shadowknight is able to reform when they die, then their lost limb/eye/etc. will be back when they reform.

Any scars associated with the Shadowknight’s death might be a bit more prominent than a normal scar. They usually look bright red and angry, almost closer to an open wound.

All Shadowknights are completely immune to fire and heat. They can still feel fire and heat, but it doesn’t harm them. It can be a bit overwhelming to get used to at first, but most Shadowknights have to learn to grow used to it, since the Nether is like, 60% fire and lava. (Shadowknights actually take baths in lava in the Nether to stay clean, since there is no water.) (Also, technically they aren’t immune to fire on the INSIDE. If they like, ate fire, it would hurt pretty bad. Probably not as bad as it would hurt a normal human, but it would still hurt.)

Shadowknights don’t require the same things as humans do to live. A Shadowknight can survive without food, water, or sleep, and can go without these things longer before feeling any negative effects. However, a lack of these things can definitely make them weaker, and more miserable. Seeing as water cannot exist in the Nether, and nothing else naturally lives there, the lack of food and water is pretty agonizing for any Shadowknights stuck there.

Shadowknights aren’t completely exempt from natural human needs. They still need to breathe air, and they still need to keep their blood inside of them.

•

Natural Abilities

When a person becomes a Shadowknight, they gain new abilities. All Shadowknights have the ability to summon Shadow Armor. This armor is an integral part of a Shadowknight, and the form it takes is unique (but similar) for each knight. It’s a bit like porcupine spikes or pufferfish in that many Shadowknights will summon it instinctively when they believe they are in danger. It also summons instinctively while in the Nether. It’s fairly sturdy, but is better at protecting against physical attacks than magickal ones. Destroying the armor won’t hurt a knight, but it can tire them. Armor that is destroyed/damaged can be resummoned, but it takes a bit of time to fix.

All Shadowknights also have the ability to summon a Shadow Weapon. Shadowknights can only form weapons that they are familiar with. They can only form tools that would be used in combat, and can only summon one at a time. (You can’t have your bow and arrows AND a sword AND a shield all summoned at once. Shadow WEAPON. Singular. No plural. Pick One.) They can also change the form of the weapon in between summonings, and in combat. Quickly switching between weapons can take some practice to perfect/get used to. Similarly to the armor, destroying the weapon won’t hurt a knight. It also won’t tire them, since a Shadow Weapon isn’t as much of a “part” of a knight as the armor is. A destroyed/damaged Shadow Weapon can be resummoned, but it takes a bit of time to fix.

All Shadowknights have the ability to sense other Shadowknights by their aura, tell if the Shadowknight is fully immortal or not, and suppress their own Shadowknight aura from being detected/identified. This ability has to be practiced in order to become effective. A knight who neglects this ability may only be able to sense large groups, or only sense a knight that is extremely close by. They also might not be able to suppress their own aura at all. A knight who practices this ability can sense another knight from, at a maximum, 350-ish feet away. They could potentially identify a specific Shadowknight from their aura (and this becomes easier if they have spent a lot of time around this Shadowknight before.) They could also potentially suppress their own aura for hours at a time, with only a little effort. These are extremes, and most Shadowknights don’t perfect these abilities to this extent.

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Additional Abilities

Some Shadowknights gain new abilities in addition to the ones all Shadowknights gain by default. Oddly enough, Shadowknights who already have a preexisting magickal/witchcraft affinity are less likely to receive one of these abilities. Most gain only one from the following list, but very rarely can gain two. From most to least common, the list is as follows:

•Dimming lights - They can blend in easier into shadows by dimming the light around them. They can also dim or put out lights, or make any light less bright for a short amount of time. (This obviously doesn’t work on stuff like The Sun, but I do think that if you got really good at using this ability, you could maybe make the moon appear dark or the stars disappear for a bit. They wouldn’t ACTUALLY stop shining, it would just appear that they did, if that makes sense?) (Sasha is a notable Shadowknight with this ability.)

•Teleportation - They can only teleport to places they know exist, and they can’t teleport between dimensions. The further the location, and the more people they are teleporting, the more energy, effort, and concentration it takes. Most Shadowknights who can teleport aren’t able to do so while in the middle of combat because it takes too much concentration to do so. Hard to teleport while you are also trying not to get stabbed. Who would guess. (Vylad is a notable Shadowknight with this ability.)

•Shapeshifting - They can change their own appearance into another. If you get really good at using this ability, you could look like someone else entirely. However, normally this ability is just useful for changing clothes/hair color/disguises. Maintaining a shapeshift also takes focus/concentration, and normally can’t be maintained for very long periods of time depending on the complexity of the shapeshift. If you just changed your clothes, you could maintain it for a couple hours. If you look like another person entirely, probably 1-2 hours max. A shapeshift is also hard to maintain in battle for the same reason as teleportation. (Zenix is a notable Shadowknight with this ability.)

•Shadow Manipulation - They can create solid forms out of shadow, and manipulate these forms as they see fit. This is probably the most difficult ability to use, and also the most difficult to master. The larger/more complex this manipulation is, the harder it is to maintain. This ability is different from the Shadow Weapon in that it can’t really be sharp, and can’t form extremely defined/specific shapes. Shadow manipulation lends itself much better to blobs. (Gene is a notable Shadowknight with this ability.)

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Overwhelming Emotions

Shadowknight’s abilities strengthen when powered by emotion. For any Shadowknights who don’t care about the danger and destruction they cause, this is only a plus. For the rest, it is a curse. The link between emotion and power can be extremely overwhelming, making it much easier to get worked up and much harder to calm down. Death and destruction is a part of a Shadowknight’s nature, making these fits dangerous for anyone who dares to get in the Shadowknight’s way.

Because of this, there are two paths that a Shadowknight must choose between. Either they make the effort to suppress your emotions, cut off friendships, family, and other bonds. Or, they let their emotions control them entirely, weaponizing their existence and becoming a tool of pure chaos. Neither choice is very appealing.

•

Seeing Red

One of the most iconic and identifiable features of a Shadowknight is the eyes. Whenever using any of their abilities, wearing summoned Shadow Armor, or even feeling an emotion that is too strong, a Shadowknight’s eyes will glow red. Depending on the strength of their emotion or intensity of their action, this red can spread from their eyes to the skin around it.

•

The Nether

The Nether is the home of all Shadowknights, although not by choice. The Nether was never meant to be inhabited by anyone, which is clear from the lack of food, water, and habitable land present there. However, since the Shadow Lord is trapped in the Nether and not strong enough to leave, the Shadowknights he creates are bound to the Nether in strange ways. Shadowknights feel a natural draw to return to the Nether whenever they are away, and in extreme cases can even feel ill if they are gone for long periods of time. This urge is called The Calling. With time and practice, this urge can be suppressed, though it never completely fades.

On the other hand, Shadowknights are somewhat stronger in the Nether, both magickally and physically. Fighting a Shadowknight on home turf is generally a bad idea, and it’s best to fight them in the Overworld instead.

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Lost and Altered Memories

Although it isn’t inherently a part of becoming a Shadowknight, many knights find themselves without their memories from when they were alive, or unknowingly have had parts of their memories changed. This has become much more common among more recent Shadowknights. (Vylad and Zenix are some of the last notable Shadowknights to not have their memories altered.) This is largely because of Gene, the Shadow Lord’s most trusted knight. His magicks let him manipulate the memories of others, and the Shadow Lord encourages him to use his abilities to create a more willing army. Many knights who might’ve originally questioned the Shadow Lord and his goals have their memories altered so that they are more willing to follow the Shadow Lord, and kill in his name. (Sasha is a notable Shadowknight who this applies to.)

•

Thank you for reading!

Feel free to use any of these ideas in your own MCD fan-content, and if you have anything you would like to ask about/clarify, feel free to send me an ask or message!

#Minecraft Diaries #aphmau fanart #shadowknight #shadow knight #aphmau #Shad the destroyer #mcd #shadow lord #shadow soul #mcd meta #wrote like 90% on various nights at 2 am so if something makes literally no sense please let me know so i can fix it #injury tw #scar tw #body horror tw #<for the shadow souls bcs those things are terrifying. let me know if anything else should b tagged #long post #aikidoart

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hermit-god-au-pog · 3 years ago

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[OLD AND MAY BECOME NON-CANON LATER ON] Hermit-Gods and their Bio’s pt.2

Part 2 babyyyyy’s! 5 more hermit Bios done! Pog!

I hope you guys like these haha, any feedback is appreciated! Also, Joe and Cleo are in this and im still frightened by the fact both of them have tumblr lol But im 70% sure they’ll never find this place, if they do I hope they enjoy the au involving their characters lol!

All the bios under the cut

Xisuma- God of Masks/forms

Real Godly name?; TBD

Pronouns; They/them/Ze/Zem

Extra Domains?; n/a or TBD

Event(s) that would make them happy?; Honestly? A more chill masquerade ball. Probably starting early evening, the part goes on for a while, everyone has some sort of mask and fun or fancy outfit, and they have a big ol fun party. And later in the night, everyone gathers around, Xisuma puts on a little admin magic show and they probably have a little bond fire, everyone switching outfits with others to see what they’d look like, often causing shenanigans.

Myth?; He always wanted to make others happy, knowing the ones around him had hard lives. He had struggles of his own but he could tell others were less in control of their demons, so using voice changers, costumes, masks, anything, he tried to help the ones he so desperately wanted to laugh or smile. If he didn’t succeed, he tried again even harder. The day he got his dad to laugh and calm down while being in a fit of rage, was one of his happiest moments. Now after someone is able to make someone genuinely happy, laugh, or cheer up using a funny face, prop, or disguise, a little voice says.

What one would hear after? ‘Well isn’t that just splendid, it feels so nice to see them smile, doesn’t it?’

ZombieCleo- Goddess of Puppetry

Real Godly name?; TBD

Pronouns; She/Her/any

Extra Domains?; sculpting & necromancy

Event(s) that would make them happy?; People reacting to her armor stands in general. + She’ll ask for a little help and set on a full-on show in a makeshift theater using her armor stands and some magical help. Every hermit who isn’t helping gathers in the audience to watch the show and after marvel and gush over Cleo’s hard work and planning she did. Cause like it is truly amazing though.

Myth?; She wasn’t always so guarded and slightly ruthless. She once has faith in the world and who lived in it. But after her death and multiple witnesses’ not saying anything, she would soon grow cold. After waking up in a bed, she was met with the watcher symbol, to be told she was now a god, but instead of going out for revenge, she used her newfound power to manipulate and puppet the ones who had hurt her into ruining their own lives, sabotage themselves, and when they were at their lowest, she left them to deal with it themselves. After she let out her rage she went on to use her magic for good, using her power to lead people in the right directions in their life, help newly reanimated corpses(the sentient ones) to understand life and how to work with their new bodies. Now, whenever someone helps a sentient undead being or uses their bigger power to genuinely help others below them, they’ll hear a soft voice.

What one would hear after? ‘Yaknow, you could have done a really bad thing right there, but you did the opposite. Maybe there is more good in this world than we may think. You did good pal, you did good’

Joehills- God of Wisdom

Real Godly name?; TBD

Pronouns; he/him

Extra Domains?; glitched or unjust deaths

Event(s) that would make them happy?; Storytime. Either he or Ren will sit on a chair and the hermits will gather in front of them like they’re back in grade school to hear the stories. Sometimes it’ll be true, fiction, realistic fiction, or even myths or legends! Everyone gets snacks and drinks and get to listen to them reading

Myth?; He had a good life, and made an amazing friend, who he didn’t care was immortal and stronger than he was. And for years he lived his mortal lives surrounded by immortals, seeming to be blending in somehow. Probably due to his vast vocabulary and knowledge he had on hand at all times, and his desire to learn new things. But after an unfortunate death and soon revival, he learned to appreciate life so much more than he had. Now when someone is revived, comes close to death, or uses their knowledge to help keep them or someone else alive, they’ll hear a soft voice.

What one would hear after? ‘Life is such a precious thing, and you never know when you might lose it, it’s a fragile and random thing. Yet you’re here to see another day. Please treasure that feeling and keep your head up. It’s gonna be ok.’

Rendog- God of Fables&Legends

Real Godly name?; TBD

Pronouns; He/Him/ Any

Extra Domains?; Dogs

Event(s) that would make them happy?; The same as Joe’s actually, that makes him very happy + huge cuddle pile, doesn’t have to be the whole server just a big cuddle pile cause yes

Myth?; He grew up with a decent life, it had pros and cons. He became a god around the time he was a teen. Due to his current obsessions with the past and myths and legends, he had quite a lot of knowledge on hand. And when he noticed the signs of a previous legend coming to be, he was able to convince the ones he loved to leave the area. But he secretly stayed behind. Tho he died killing this legendary beast, his sacrifice was not in vain. Due to his sacrifice and such kind heart, he was brought back with unspeakable power. Though his life got so much more difficult after that moment, he never regretted a moment of it. Now when someone uses a legend or myth to solve a problem or save someone, they’ll hear a soft voice.

What one would hear after? ‘Great job Cyber-Dog! That was amazing what you just did, now why don’t you go out and learn a few more to keep in your back pocket~’

Welsknight- God of the knights/protectors

Real Godly name?; Elex

Pronouns; They/Them/Ze/Zem

Extra Domains?; Armor

Event(s) that would make them happy?; Big ol slumber party, kinda like bdubs but less extreme + Sparring matches + Concerts! They like to sing sea shanties to the hermits

Myth?; Actually being born in the medieval time, ze grew up and always wanted to be a knight, it was their dream for all their life. And when zey were old enough, their dream came true, zey had become a knight. And due to their strength and intelligence in training, they quickly rose in the ranks. One day, when the kingdom was attacked, Ze disobeyed orders and went to check on the princess to see her being attacked. Ze lost their life that day, but it was a worthy sacrifice, and the kingdom did not forget their sacrifice either. They had a statue dedicated after them and everything. When they were revived as a god, instead of going home, Zey decided to explore the world, see what else was out there and aims to protect others. Now when someone intends to sacrifice themselves for another/a group of people or swears on their life to protect someone or something, they’ll hear a soft voice.

What one would hear after? ‘That’s a mighty big promise you made. But in your heart, I can see what you say is true. There are ones watching over you, you are a worthy knight young one’

#hermit gods #HGAU bios #xisuma #zombiecleo #joe hills #rendog #welsknight #these were also a lot of fun #thinking of different myths/backstories is really fun #and a few hermits will slightly overlap #but thats ok #just explains why they'd get along a lot more than normal people!

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bakubitch-minusultra · 3 years ago

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Not Alone: Chapter Twelve

-> an apocalyptic series with bnha characters but without quirks because im the writer and i can do whatever the fuck i want :P

-> Word Count: 4.2k

-> Warnings: talk abt breeder farms, cooking/killing a bunny lol

-> Taglist: @5sosfckss @laudthingcat @zphilophobiaz

People pass by Y/n, becoming a sea of faces. All she could think was how she would get Mina back too. She would do anything to get Mina back. It seemed that it had become her centennial project. She wondered if she would ever just have the people who had become her new family all together, or would she die still looking for one.

“Where did they take her?” Y/n asked again. The huge boys hug and mess with each other’s hair. She wanted to shout but Bakugo saved her the trouble.

He looked around, “Where’s Mina?”

“Hunters got her two days ago. She went looking for Y/n and I heard her screaming at the edge of the field. I couldn’t run. They took her in a truck.”

“I’m so sorry Kirishima.”

He shook his head, “Y/n you went for food after you went for medicine to save me. None of this is your fault. We’ll get her back.” He looked at Bakugo and smiled. “I can’t believe you’re alive man.”

Bakugo ruffled Kirishima’s hair again, “You too shitty hair. You should have died a long time ago with your survival skills.”

Kirishima laughed, “Mina.”

“We need to get her back shitty hair.”

Kirishima nodded. Y/n couldn’t pretend that everything was warm and fuzzy.

She shoved him, “So how did you end up here? Why didn’t you stay at the farmhouse in the barn bunker?”

“I tried to go after them. I went over the hill and broke the branches like you told me. I knew you’d find me.” He shook his head at Bakugo. “She’s like a fucking terminator.”

Bakugo laughed, “I know.”

Kirishima fixed his hair, “Anyway, I came here yesterday. They all know you Bakugo.”

Bakugo shrugged, “I made friends at camp shitty hair.”

Y/n hated the way he called him shitty hair. She hated Bakugo in a horrid way. She wished he was at the breeder camp instead of Mina. Him and his girlfriend in the shorts. They have their mini reunion. She turned away and walked to the nearest small tent. She looked in the flap. A younger looking guy was asleep inside. Half his face was burnt. She walked from one small tent to the next, until she found one with a man with blond hair holding a pen and looking at a map that was spread across a table.

“Are you Monoma?” He nodded, but looked at Y/n suspiciously. “I need to know where the closest breeder camp is.”

He chuckled, “You aren’t thinking about volunteering are you? The food’s not that bad here.” She doesnt laugh, instead she looked at the map. She didn’t know how to read maps. She added it to the list of things her father should’ve taught her.

“My friend was taken. I need her back.”

He started laughing again, “What do you plan on doing?”

She looked up into his periwinkle blue eyes and stare him down, “I’m going to get her back.”

“Look, I get you’re upset but there is no getting them back. They go in and nine years later they get a nice house in the city. It’s not a baf gig. They get healthy food and a place to sleep. Your life here is harder.” She felt her face change. He put his hands up defensively, “Look we have bigger fish to fry than worry about one girl at a breeder farm.” He turned his back on her and looked at the wall of the tent where other maps were hung. She felt her fingers twitch. She wanted to pull an arrow. She left the tent disheartened and lost.

“Y/n where’d you go?”

She looked up at Bakugo and Kirishima walking toward her. She scrunched up her face and walked away from them both. She didn’t know how to be dramatic. She felt the need burning inside of her, but she didn’t physically know how to get angry without using her hands. She walked to a group of ladies who were standing around a fire.

She smiled sweetly and looked at the one who looked most like her mother did, “Hi.”

“Hi sweetie.” The rebellion people were nice.

“Do you know where the nearest breeder camp is?”

She frowned, “Yeah.” She looked over at a dark strawberry blonde who had a scar along her mouth, “Beth where was that camp that you all saw not far from here?”

“South east, over two small mountains and a ghost town. Used to be a place called Licoln there. Stay on the outskirts of that place.”

“Thanks so much.”

“You aren’t trying to go there, are you?”

Y/n shook her head, “No way. Just wanted to know where my friend went. Her nine years is almost up.”

The lady with the scar laughed bitterly, “Honey she aint coming back out here to shit in a ditch. She’ll get herself a nice place in the city. I hear they even got air conditioning again.”

A lady with a t-shirt with a big tongue on it laughed, “Oh girl, what I would do for air conditioning.” They all laughed and it made Y/n grin. She walked away from them and went back to the small tent. The man looked less than pleased to see that she was there.

“Really, you’re back again. Look I’m not sending a bunch of men to their death over some girl.”

“I’m not asking you for a thing. I just want to see the map.”

He held his arm out at the one on the table, “Have at it.” She looked at the compass on the map.

“Where are we?” He dropped a finger onto the map next to a blue line. She dragged her finger southeast to the place that said Licoln. She looked up at him, “Which way is south east from here?” He pointed to the back of the tent where the other maps were. He was blocking her view of them on purpose. “Thanks.” She started to walk in the direction he had told her.

Her quiver wasn’t very full. Normally she would make arrows once a month but she hadn’t had a chance in the last month. Nothing had been the way it would have been back at the cabin. She thought about the moment she stood at the door as Mina knocked outside of it. She remembered the regret. She saw Kirishima and Bakugo and started to walk faster. She didn’t know what to say, but running away from them seemed like a pretty good idea. Kirishima still has a limp, but they move quickly.

“Y/n wait up,” Kirishima shouted. She wanted to be alone. It figured the only boys she’s ever liked had to be friends. Her mom would have been proud. She too had a thing for friends.

Fingers bit into Y/n’s arm and spun her around.

Bakugo towered over her, “What are you doing?” He looked annoyed.

She pulled her arm away from him, “I’m going to find her.” She looked at Kirishima, “Stay here and get better. That leg isn’t going to heal with you walking around so much.” He looked hurt.

Bakugo grabbed her arm again, “Y/n we aren’t going to let you run off half cocked. We need a plan.” She felt angry, maybe it was because she liked them both or maybe it was because they’re not running after Mina, like she expected they would.

She glared at Kirishima, “When you fell in that holse she did the bravest thing I have ever seen anyone do. She told me that she didn’t care if I shot her but I had to come find you.”

He shook his head, “We need a plan.”

She pointed south, “There’s a three day hike, we can plan on the way.”

Bakugo’s grip on her arm tightened, “We’ll be down a mountain and in the woods alone with no resources when we find her. What plan can you come up with there?”

Y/n shook her head again, “I’ve made it this far without anyone.” She pulled her arm free and took a step back, “I don’t need either of you.” She felt something in her stomach. She should’ve grabbed food. She started her hike. She realized she not only had a plan but that she was starving. She heard their footsteps behind her.

“She’s really stubborn.” Kirishima tried to whisper, but Y/n could hear him.

“I noticed that. How’s the leg?” Y/n made a face but didn’t look back at them.

“Good. She did surgery on it. I don’t think I’ll ever win the Boston Marathon if it comes back in style.” Bakugo snorted, Y/n wanted to laugh, but she was pissed off.

“Mina been a handful?”

Kirishima laughed, “Oh my god. The year she started the road to womanhood was the beginning of the end. Oh my god it was so bad.”

Y/n felt her face flush with heat. She remembered getting her first period and cringed. She had thought she was dying for a few days. She had to read an encyclopedia on health in order to find the answers she had been looking for. She made rags and stayed indoors. She rubbed clary sage oil on her stomach for the cramping and put warm compresses on her stomach. It was the first thing she added to the list of things he should have told her about. Being twelve and alone in the forest was daunting. Bleeding every month for no reason was much worse.

She realized how far ahead of them she was when she came out of her daydream and couldn’t hear them. She looked back. They were laughing and walking like it was a stroll in the park. She glanced up in the trees to see the guard strategically placed. She knew they were still safe from the others but she couldn’t imagine laughing and joking and catching up the way they were.

She walked faster. She missed the silence and uncomplicated days of traveling with Hades. He would hunt and they would touch each other every now and again but neither of them needed to make a sound. She looked back at Kirishima and noticed the way he lumbered through the woods and let out a sigh. The bottom of the mountain led to a valley and she climbed a tree and sat on a sturdy branch.

“What do you see?”

“A highway. There’re cars on it, they’re burned.” It frightened Y/n. Scavengers were always nearest to the old remains. She stayed away from the remains.

“Do you see movement?”

She shook her head but narrowed her eyes to improve her vision. The infected had a way of not moving when you needed them to. The sun was going down and she wanted to scross the highway and be halfway up the next mountain before it’s completely dark. She climbed down the tree and tried not to look at either of the hulking men standing next to her.

She pulled an arrow and crouched low to the ground. She shut her mind off. She tried not to think when she was scared shitless.

She could hear Kirishima walking behind her, no doubt completely upright and picking his teeth with a piece of grass. Y/n decided to shoot him herself if he started to hum. The grass on the side of the highway was long. As she slipped through it the wind played with it, making it whisper. The birds here were not the kind who warn you of prey, they were scavengers. They wanted you to die.

The long grass swayed and played with her hair. Her heart was beating faster when her foot touched the gravel on the side of the highway.

She looked back at Bakugo and he nods. Kirishima’s lips curled into a smile. She couldn’t help but want to smile with him. She saw herself back at the cabin for the briefest of seconds. Images of her and him laying on the couch filled her mind. She smiled remembering the way they tried not to get caught staring at each other.

Her mind snapped back.

She closed her eyes and listened to the wind. There was no sound. She climbed out of the huge ditch and walked quickly and silently up onto the broken asphalt. It had started to crack from the weather and lack of care. Where her foot stepped first it crumbled. Her eyes scanned every inch of the deserted highway. Burned out cars sat staggered along the long straight road. The people caught in the traffic jams when the tidal waves were coming or the bombs were dropping to contain the sick. They fled from their vehicles. They left everything and ran. She remembered running.

She shook her head back to focusing. She slipped between an old burnt SUV and the skeleton of a small car. The hood of the car was lifted and the battery was gone. Not uncommon.

“Which way?” Kirishima asked louder than Y/n would’ve liked.

“Shhhh.”

The gravel on the other side was a welcomed sight. When her feet touched the grass she broke into a run. The bushes hit her in the face when she entered the forest. She ran until shesaw the tree she wanted. She climbed it and sat with her arrow pulled and at the ready. She scanned the highway and the ditch vigorously.

Kirishima was huffing and panting while he rested below the tree.

“Oh man you can run. Holy shit. I thought your leg was hurt. Whoa.”

“Kirishima.” Bakugo was back to being Business Bakugo. There was no fun with him, only survival. She didn’t take her eyes off the road. Nothing moved. She was about to climb down but she waited one more second. She saw the bushes across the move and pulled the arrow tighter. It looked like an animal but she couldn’t see clearly.

“I see something,” she said in a low voice.

“What?”

“Animal. Dog maybe.”

“Shit.” She looked down through the thick branches at Bakugo’s;ook and raised an eyebrow. “Trackers.”

He doesn’t finish the sentence and her eyes scanned across the highway again. The animal was gone. Nothing moved. She climbed down fast and turned to face the dense woods.

“That way.”

Kirishima looked pained, “Seriously? We’re going to run some more?”

She looked at him and nodded, “Think about what it’s like for Mina now. She’s terrified. She thinks the breeder camps are what we all think. She is waiting for her turn no doubt.”

He flinched, “Jesus Y/n. Easy on the visuals. She’s my friend for christ’s sake. I’m not bitching, my leg is just killing me.”

Y/n glared, “Is it bleeding?”

“No but it hurts.”

“Climb the tree and wait for us,” She handed him a water bottle from her belt. But Kirishima shook his head and looked at Bakugo who’s face was stoic

“Bakugo I’m not staying.”

Bakugo licked his lips and thought for a second, “You can’t hold us up.”

Kirishima rolled his eyes and sighed, “Let’s just go.”

Y/n held the water bottle out for one more second but he didn’t take her up on the offer. She turned and started to run. Her leg was sore and her stomach was empty. In her haste she never stocked up. Mina had been hard on her rules.

When the sun had started to set they were where Y/n wanted to be. Kirishima hadn’t complained and Bakugo was starting a small fire. She took her bow and found a nice quiet spot to sit and wait for something to make a sound.

The silence of the woods was alarming. She had never been in the woods here. She was exhausted but she stayed focused.

She heard the crunch of a stick and raised her arrow in the direction she heard it in. A large hare hopped over a branch and sniffed the wind. It’s ears twitched and Y/n knew that it had smelled her. She released the arrow, anticipating the hop it would do. The arrow slices through the neck of the rabbit. It tried to move for a second and then stopped. She gutted the hare where she killed it. She never brought it back with its guts. Leaving guts outside the cabin proved to be a mistake. She skinned it quickly with the skinning knife she kept and left the animal’sremains and carried the carcass to the fire.

She heard the cracking of wood when she got close. Bakugo was standing over the fire and Kirishima was sitting on a log next to him.

“So is there something between you two?” Bakugo asked but didn’t move his face.

Kirishima shrugged, “I don’t know. She’s a tough one to get to know. We kissed but it was a mistake.”

Bakugo looked at him and smiled, “I hear that. You remember the Laura Croft movies where Angelina Jolie was all hot and quiet but would kill anything that moved?”

Kirishima laughed, “Yeah. Exactly. Jesus, give her some pouty lips and bam. Laura Croft.”

Y/n felt her insides trembling. She didn’t remember the movies they were talking about. She couldn’t help but want to cry.

Bakugo laughed and shook his head, “But what a bitch though hey.”

She grabbed a rock from where she was standing and tossed it back a few yards. They couldn’t see her if she crouched.

“She’s back. Manners.” Bakugo spoke low and started poking the fire. She stood and walked from the bushes. She just wanted to throw the stupid hare down and leave them there, but her stomach was growling. She was exhausted. She would stay as long as it would take to eat and then she would be sleeping in a tree. Maybe if she was lucky she would fall in her sleep and wake up in hell.

Bakugo held out a small sack, “I have some potatoes from the camp and tinfoil.”

She nodded, “Okay.” She felt awkward. Kissing both of them was obviously bad, but having them call her a bitch after they kissed her was awful. Having Kirishima say it was a mistake was killing her. She couldn’t look him in the eyes. She walked around him and found a good stick to make a spit with.

She searched the ground around the fire until she found a good branch. She stripped the small branches and leaves from it. She smirked and shoved the stick into the open neck. She was imagining it was one of them.

“You’re a scary little thing.” She frowned at Kirishima who was watching her get the hare on the spit. “It’s a compliment.” She didn’t stop frowning. It didn’t feel like a complement. Even if it was, it wouldn’t stop the pain of the kiss being a mistake.

She built a spit with rocks and branches and twine from her backpack. Bakugo sliced the potatoes and laid them in the tinfoil. He placed them high on a rock with a flat surface in the fires circle of rocks.

Bakugo glanced at her, “So what’s to plan?”

“Get captured and free us both.” He laughed at Y/n. “I can do it.”

He shook his head, “I know you can, it's just funny that’s all. You’re willing to sacrifice yourself to save my friend?”

“She’s the only person I’ve met that I liked. Genuinely.” It was a stab at them both. Fuck them.

He raised his eyebrows, “Fair enough.” He looked hurt. The image of the girl in the short shorts didn’t leave her mind easily.

Kirishima looked hurt, “What am I, chopped liver?” Y/n smiled. She hated that she was smiling. She hated that he made her smile so easily. He grinned at her and she remembered his hands on her. She couldn’t stop staring at his lips. It made her feel sick.

Bakugo cleared his throat, “So how’ll you get captured?”

She shrugged, “Just act lost near the area.” She glanced at Kirishima who was still staring at her. His grin hadn’t left his face. She dug her stick in the dirt and drew a circle. She hit a rock and dirt went flying up at Kirishima’s face on his stump.

She laughed as he wipped his face clean, “Thanks.”

Bakugo laughed, “Stop being a baby.”

Kirishima shook the dirt out of his hair, “You did that on purpose.”

She put her hands up with the stick in them, “I didn’t, I swear.” She wish she had.

“I don’t think you shouldgo there, Y/n.”

She dug with the stick again, “I have to.” She didn’t say that she led them straight to Mina. She doesn’t say that it was all her fault. She didn’t have to. They all knew it was true. Bakugo turned the hare on the spit slowly. The smells were starting to make her stomach make noises she hadn’t heard since before she found the cabin.

Bakugo looked around, “When you get captured you need a way out.” He got up from the fire and muttered, “Kiri turn the hare.” He went to a tree and ripped off a branch. He sat next to Y/n on the log. The warmth of his body was touching her and it was setting her nerves on fire.

He bent down and drew a rectangle. In each of the corners he made small boxes, “There is a section that is for the women who are pregnant or about to be impregnated. This is probably where you'll go. Then this wing is for the younger girl who can't have babies yet. This is for the women with the babies. This is where the little girls are kept. Girls they raise to be breeders." He moved the stick to the other side and made a smaller box, "This is where the men are, if there are any men. Sometimes they don’t have any there." He cleared his throat nervously and drew an X in the middle but off to one side, "This is the fertility lab. This is where the lab coats and doctors and cleaners all stay. This is your only chance. They will have a dump somewhere near the clinic. The garbage goes every few days."

She frowned at him but Kirishima asked the question burning in her mind before she could, “Dude how do you know so much about the breeder farmer?”

Bakugo blushed in the firelight, “I lived there for a time.”

Kirishima raised an eyebrow, “As a cleaner or a doctor?” He laughed like he knew the answer.

Bakugo laughed, “I wish.”

Kirishim shook his head, “Nasty bro. Nasty.”

Y/n felt lost. She looked blankly at them both. Bakugo’s face looked like it was on fire.

“I was forced to um… donate.” Y/n didn’t understand what they were talking about.”

Kirishima started to make an odd motion with his fist, “He had to jerk his chiken for the big men.” She didn’t know what that meant but she nodded before they explained. Bakugo looked at her face and laughed.

Kirishima turned the hare, “So how many little Bakugo’s are running around?” Y/n felt her stomach drop. She understood. She felt judgment burn its way across her face.

“I wasn’t exactly in on the plans.”

Kirishima poked the hare, “How was life there?”

Bakugo snorted, “Thinking about signing up?”

Kirishima looked up, “Hey if there are three square meals a day and I get all the, um, reading material I need to deliver the goods, I’m in.”

The humor fell from Bakugo’s face. He almost twitched when he shook his head, “No. No three meals and material shitty hair. It’s more like milking a cow.”

Kirishima ignored the terror on his friend's face and grinned ear to ear, “Are there milk maids?”

Bakugo nodded, “Not the kind you’re thinking of. Mine was a guy named Dr. Stevie.”

Kirishima gagged, “Oh shit never mind.”

Bakugo looked down at the drawing again and chuckled, but Y/n could tell he was haunted by it.

“There’s no human contact Kirishima. It’s all done by machines, the girls and the boys. Anyway this section here has the surgeon’s clothes and boots. Change and climb into the garbage bin in the morning on a Tuesday or a Thursday or a Saturuday. The garbage comes around lunch and the best chance you have at not being noticed is then. They’ll be looking for you after lunch.”

Y/n felt sick thinking about the plan. She was not as strong as the look on her face suggests she is.

“I think it’s done,” Kirishima poked the hare.

Y/n shook her head, “Always over cook wild animals.”

Bakugo nudged her with his body, almost playfully, “You sure about this?”

She nodded and reached into the flames to turn the potatoes. The fire licked at her skin but she ignored it. It hurt. It was a warning of pain to come if she continued to stick her hands in the fire. Sitting between two men she couldn’t help but feel like it was appropriate.

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99adelheid99 · 4 years ago

Text

cool so since I’m procrastinating anyways on my school work im just going to write a character study on beast! dazai

because I re read it and im sad and asagiri just loves to make everyone suffer

so spoilers for the beast au

((BTW IM SO SORRY TUMBLR MOBILE ISN’T LETTING ME CUT THE POST TO A READ MORE SO IM GOING TO TRY TO DO IT ON MY PC AND HOPE IT WORKS IF IT DOESNT IM SO SORRY;;;; ))

asagiri has already decided to make dazai a tragic character and break our hearts once, but he decided to also rip them out and spit on it.

in the canon world, we see dazai struggle through depression. ever since he was young he found there was no value in living as he says to mori in the fifteen arc. he tries throughout his life desperately to understand just why humans strive to live, why they fight so hard for their lives and work hard to live life to the fullest.

it’s no different in the many other worlds The Book had created, and that lonely hole in his chest is probably much bigger.

as explained by dazai in the light novel, the power of The Book does not effect him because of his ability, since The Book itself is an ability, dazai naturally cancels it out. because of this, dazai can practically “read his own memories” from the canon world. so he knows everything that happens in the original universe, that goes for every single dazai in every single au. every single one.

this in itself is probably one of the saddest things. if people not understanding dazai didn’t hurt enough in the canon world, imagine how horrible it is that the beast! dazai had suffer with this knowledge alone, because as mentioned, it’s not wise for a lot of people to know about The Book since the world they reside in will become unstable, and have a chance of disappearing.

at the end of the light novel we also learn of dazai’s plan. why he captured gin, and why he wanted to bring akutagawa and atsushi together.

it was for odasaku.

because dazai has the memories from his “original” self, he remember odasaku. he remembers how he died, he remembers that they were best friends, he remembers how odasaku was the only person who understood dazai to his core, he remember how much odasaku means to him.

but odasaku of this world doesn’t remember it at all. because to him it never happened. there is only the beast world and the beast world alone.

this is where the angst hits (harder lol)

dazai figures out (at some time idk when) that this is the only universe that odasaku survives (im not sure how exactly, im assuming he can read the memories of the other dazais? Idk)

he remembers odasakus passionate of becoming a writer, he remembers odasakus determination not to kill just so he could write his own novel.

and because I really do believe dazai has a heart shrouded in all that darkness, dazai wants the best for odasaku, dazai wants to make it so odasaku can continue to survive and write his novel.

so dazai being dazai makes this extremely elaborate extra ass plan to make sure it happens.

dazai knows that this world has a chance of disappearing since every time something is written down in The Book in any other au (I think? I believe it can be any one of them not just the canon one) The Book doesn’t create it out of nothing exactly, but borrows from other worlds to create what is written in the book to reality.

dazai’s afraid that this world might cease to exist, and if it does odasaku won’t get to write his novel in this only universe he survives in, odasaku won’t he happy and dazai doesnt want that.

now extra ass osamu here uses a lot of cruel tactics to get to his end goal, and it isn’t right at all, but I still have to sympathize because its just so painful lmao

during akutagawa and atsushi’s final battle, dazai goes to the lupin bar where he meets odasaku for the first time in this world. I feel like dazai fought with himself a lot not to visit odasaku during this time, probably wanting to do nothing else but to run to his old friend that he missed so damn much. and I think he couldnt resist in the end, I think he desperately wanted to see him one last time because from the very beginning he knew his own fate.

one of the many (lol) things that hurts me during this meeting is how dazai immediately jumps happily into conversation with odasaku when he sees him, how he invites him quickly to sit down with him (in which odasaku does but doesn’t sit right next to him, which seemingly hurts dazai, ouch my heart) and how he picks up conversation that dazai would normally have with odasaku in the real world, asking him if anything interesting happened to him that day or telling him about new suicide methods he tried, which leaves odasaku heavily confused as he kind of awkwardly replies to each question.

now because the pov during this scene is in oda’s, we don’t get know exactly what dazai is thinking, but oda describes his posture and reactions well for us to take a guess of how hard it is for dazai to not have probably the most important person in his life not know or care about him.

dazai tightening his grip around his glass, or dazai looking like a happy child in one second to trying to compose his emotion with a small smile in the next, these reactions happen when odasaku keeps bringing up how he doesn’t know dazai and how confused he is. and dazai trying to hold onto something, someone, who made him so happy. trying to ignore the pain he feels and grasp on to the good memories he has but odasaku doesn’t.

and then there’s the part in the bar that asagiri decided to write because he’s a writer and like all authors, lowkey likes to see his audience suffer.

when dazai calls oda by his nickname odasaku once again trying to get him to understand him, the man replies:

“Don’t call me Odasaku. There is no reason of an enemy to call me that.”

yeah I cried

I cried a lot

dazai’s reaction didn’t help either.

The young man suddenly seemed to have trouble breathing…He fought against something invisible.

in this world, dazai probably mastered concealing his emotions (he does in like every world, but he’s much more grim in this one so) he put up this wall and put on a mask for everyone but odasaku, he let his wall down and odasaku didn’t acknowledge it, didn’t bring him some sort of comfort like he did in the canon universe. not intentionally of course, not because odasaku was cruel, but odasaku didn’t know dazai as anything else but his enemy. for all he knows, dazai could be trying to manipulate him.

theyre enemies. they could never be friends in this world. but dazai seems to still try, even a little.

in the end, they part ways. dazai putting on that mask once again, and acting like this whole meeting didn’t just destroy him. because it would be worth it in the end, odasaku would live, be happy, write his novel.

dazai would suffer, but that’s okay. odasaku hates dazai, but that’s okay.

because odasaku is alive. odasaku is happy. and to dazai that’s enough.

we get to the ending that no one wants to read because we’re already in pain and we know asagiri is waiting there with a shotgun to deliver the final blow.

dazai arrives after akutagawa and atsushi’s fight to reveal his reasoning behind his plan. how atsushi and aku have to work together protect The Book to make sure this world doesn’t disappear just for oda, and he mentions how no more then two people can know about the existence of The Book also for the protection and stability of their world.

atsushi decides to so some quick maths then, and realizes in horror that dazai has slowly made his way to the edge of the building.

he pleads with dazai to not do it, but theres obviously no stopping him.

and in that moment I believe for the first time in a long time dazai is truly content.

the hatred towards him is heavy, but it doesn’t matter to dazai because odasaku is safe. he completed his mission.

dazai planned all of this from the very beginning up to his death. now, arguably, despite dazai’s heartwarming end goal he was still an awful person. he was abusive and manipulate. he hurt and killed others to get what he wanted. he was not a good person

but he suffered so much for the sake of one person, he knew his ending wasn’t going to happy, but the end goal was enough. the end goal made it worth it.

osamu could never tell anyone about his pain, not even his best friend. he had to instead put on the mask of the cruel boss of the port mafia. people either had to hate him or fear him. no one could ever love him, no one could ever care for him. and osamu knew that. from the very beginning. asagiri truly wrote a tragic but beautiful character.

now if you’ll excuse me im going to go cry :)))

#i cried while writing this #im so sorry #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #bsd beast light novel #bsd beast #beast dazai #character analysis #oda sakunosuke #odasaku #bsd odasaku

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novannna · 4 years ago

Note

“Is that blood?” “Yes but that doesn’t matter right now, what does matter is-” “You are literally bleeding.” with novissa (bc I love them) por favor?✨

ahhh tysm for the ask rae!!! I haven't written them in a while and theyre so fun to write!!! i love them so much ahfagsdf

i dont even know how to summarize this, just novissa fluff ig??? im not really sure asdfhdf theyre just gay idiots in love takes place some time before the start of renegades. (nova and narcissa are together)

wc: 1553 ao3 link

Narcissa tapped her fingers against her leg impatiently. Nova was late. Nova, one of the most punctual people Narcissa knew, was late. It was probably fine. She was fine. She was Nova after all.

But Narcissa couldn’t help but feel a squeeze of panic in her throat. She just needed her girlfriend to be alright. She needed Nova in front of her, so she could look at her warm brown eyes, and know that they were both fine.

Fuck.

Narcissa could feel her breaths start to quicken, and her vision grow a bit hazy around the edges.

She tried to take deep breaths, and calm her rising heart rate.

“Nova is fine,” she muttered under her breath. “Completely alright, just a bit late. There was probably something blocking her path. Most people are late all the time. I’m sure that’s what happened.” Her words did little to quell the fear. Nova had never been late before.

She had even promised she would be there on time.

I’ll see you monday, 7 pm sharp, Nova had said. You know where? Narcissa had laughed, and pushed a strand of hair behind Nova’s ears. Of course I do. Good. I’ll see you then. Nova had kissed Narcissa’s lips, hesitantly at first, but then harder as they both sank into each other, desperate to stay away from reality. Don’t be late, Narcissa had said half heartedly as they drew away, aching for Nova’s familiar warmth again. Late? Nova had laughed. I wouldn’t dream of it! And then, with her typical Nova flair, she had swung over the side of the railing, and raced away into the night. And now, three days later, Nova wasn’t here. Narcissa looked at her watch, wishing it would say that she was early. 7:27

“Fuck,” Narcissa muttered. Almost half an hour, and Nova still wasn’t there. She’d been the slightest bit angry before, but now she was just scared. Scared for what could have happened to Nova. If she died, Narcissa would be the only one who cared. Nova didn’t have anyone else. No one else would miss her. So Narcissa loved her all the more, trying her best to make up for the Anarchist’s shortcomings. “Cissa!” A voice shouted, and Narcissa turned to see Nova, alive and healthy and safe Nova, running towards her, a bouquet of flowers clutched tight in her hands. Narcissa felt her heart jump around in her throat, the way it always did when she saw Nova. Nova with her short black hair, shot through with streaks of blue, Nova with her black eyeliner drawn to perfection (Like Honey insisted), Nova with a beat up leather jacket, looking like some teenage romcom love interest. But, despite how absolutely breathtaking Nova was, all Narcissa cared about was that she was safe and alive.

Nova was grinning, and she embraced Narcissa, hugging the girl tight to her while spinning her in a circle. Nova’s infectious joy sank into Narcissa. She couldn’t keep a smile off her face, even if she tried.

Nova cupped her hands around Narcissa’s face and pulled the taller girl down for a kiss.

Narcissa gladly obliged, practically melting under the contact.

Finally, Narcissa drew away, the simple motion taking all her effort. She could stay tangled in Nova’s lips forever and ever without complaining.

“You’re late,” Narcissa accused gently. Nova tucked her head, and nodded. “I’m so sorry, there was a problem, and I had to stay later than I thought. I know I’m terrible.” Nova scuffed a foot against the ground. “But, I did get you flowers. To make up for being such a horrible girlfriend.” She presented a small bouquet of forget-me-nots to Narcissa.

Narcissa lit up as she lifted the soft blue blooms to her face and inhaled deeply. “Thank you Nova, these are beautiful. And you aren’t a horrible girlfriend, you’re the best. I was just scared.”

Nova nodded, not needing to ask why. They both knew the reason.

“Well you don’t need to be now, because I’m here to protect you.”

“What makes you think I need protecting?” Narcissa protested. “Maybe I’ll be the one protecting you!”

Nova laughed, the rough sound sending waves of happiness through Narcissa. “I’d happily accept your protection. I know I would be in the best hands possible.” Her face sobered slightly. “I am really sorry for being late, I feel terrible. If it ever happens again, I’ll find some way to tell you. You shouldn’t have to-”

Narcissa cut her off mid sentence by stepping forwards and pushing Nova's hair off her neck, exposing a large bandage, stretching from her left shoulder, across her collarbone, and dipping out of sight into her shirt. The bandage was more red than white at this point though, from blood leaking through.

“Is that blood?” Narcissa asked, a familiar panic rising.

“Yes but that doesn’t matter right now, what does matter is-” Nova tried.

“You are literally bleeding.”

Nova’s small frame was stiff, ready to run. “There was an accident,” she said tightly. “Right before I left. Things got out of hand, and well- you know how they can be. I got caught in the middle of things, and well…” she gestured haplessly at the bandage.

Narcissa could feel her heart tearing at the pure hopelessness in Nova’s voice. The girl had gone through so much, and all the Anarchists had ever given her was trauma. Narcissa just wanted to hold on tight and never let her go back.

“I’m so sorry Nova,” Narcissa whispered.

Nova laughed quietly, trying to defuse the tension. “It’s fine. It wasn’t anyone’s fault really. Ingrid was just being a jerk, goading Honey, and Honey tried to shut Ingrid up by throwing her jewelry box at her. Unfortunately for me, I was just walking by, and Honey has spectacularly bad aim.”

Narcissa nodded. God, all she wanted was to have Nova get away from that place, but Nova was too damn set on revenge. She couldn’t see how much it was hurting her. Narcissa was afraid she wouldn’t realize until it was too late. And all Narcissa could do was watch. Once Nova had her mind set, there was no changing. No amount of sweet words and promises could stray Nova from her path of vengeance.

“You did a shit job of patching yourself up, Nova,” Narcissa said instead. “You’ve already bled through.”

��Yeah, well I was in a hurry to see my girlfriend,” Nova retorted. “I don’t suppose we could patch me up before continuing the evening?”

Narcissa laughed a little, and pressed a gentle kiss to Nova’s mouth. “I suppose. It’d do me no good if you bled out before we even ate dinner.”

“I suppose not. Seeing as you are the smart one between us, is there a chance you could fix me?”

“You’re plenty smart too, love. But yes, I can help you. For a price of course.” A smile danced over Narcissa’s lips.

“I’d expect nothing less from the grand daughter of a world renowned black market weapons dealer.” Nova smirked. “What’s the price?”

“Kisses, and moonlight walks, and as many piggy back rides as I want.”

Nova tipped her head back, laughing. The fading colors of sunset shine through the strands of her hair, illuminating her head.

“You drive a hard bargain, but I suppose I accept.” Nova brown eyes gleamed. “Do you require a down payment?” She stood on her tiptoes, her chin almost level with Narcissa’s.

“Nova, let me save you before we start making out!” Narcissa scolded, but without any force behind the words. Truth be told, all she wanted to do was lose herself in Nova, but she had other things to do first.

Specifically, stitch the large gash on her idiot girlfriend’s shoulder up.

Nova rolled her eyes. “So pushy.” She smiled up at Narcissa. “Fine, my savior. Where to?”

Narcissa laughed, and pulled a small blue flower out of her bouquet, and tucked it behind Nova’s ears. “There’s bandages at the library, as well as some other supplies. We’ll go there, and then you can carry me to the river, and we can look at the stars while making out.”

Nova grinned. “Sounds like a plan. But, you are taller than me, so shouldn’t you carry me.”

“Well, A, I have absolutely no strength at all, I live in a library, what did you expect, B, my terms for fixing you included piggy back rides, and C, I know you like carrying me, and showing off how strong you are.”

Nova grinned, and nodded. “Very true. I suppose I better start carrying you now!”

Narcissa’s eyes widened with realization. “Wait Nova, No!” she shrieked, but it was too late. Nova scooped her up, and tossed Narcissa over her shoulder in a fireman's carry. A flurry of petals fell to the ground. It was comical really, 4 foot 11 inches Nova, carrying 5 foot 7 inches Narcissa with ease.

“Nova, you’re injured!” Narcissa practically screamed. “Don’t you dare hurt yourself more!”

Nova simply laughed, and started walking towards the library, Narcissa still slung over her back, laughing.

Narcissa sighed, and gave up. Nova was too stubborn to argue with. “You’re an idiot,” she said.

Narcissa could imagine Nova’s lips curving up into a smile as she said, “I love you too.”

#asks #ask game #ask requests #rae tag #ty!#my writing #novissa #wlwrenegades #nova artino #narcissa cronin #renegades #archenemies #supernova #anarchists

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i-know-like-four-things · 4 years ago

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Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Supernatural Rating: Explicit Warnings: Rape/Non-Con Relationships: Destiel, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester/Original Male Character(s), Dean Winchester/Other(s) Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel, Charlie Bradbury, Jo Harvelle, Meg Masters, Sam Winchester Additional Tags: Modern AU, Sex Worker, Sex Worker Dean Winchester, Prostitute Dean Winchester, Anal Sex, Angst, Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Top Castiel (Supernatural), Bottom Dean Winchester Summary:  Dean is happy with his life as a hooker. He loves feeling the night air on his face every night, and he is good at his job. One day he meets Castiel, the handsomest man he’s ever seen with the ugliest car in the world, and everything changes. *** Hey y’all! I’m finally posting the fic I was talking about! Im really excited for this, so please let me know what you think!

 Dean felt alive tonight. It was a beautiful fall night in Kansas City, Kasas. The breeze was present enough that Dean didn’t feel like he was drowning in his own sweat, but it wasn’t enough to make him cold. Dean was wearing his favorite pair of shorts, – the jean ones that were obscenely short and tight – this little black tight mesh top, and these little black heeled boots. He felt hot, and like he could take the whole world by storm. 

Dean was leaning against the building talking to his girls.There were plenty of people working the street, but Dean, Hannah, Jo, and Charlie all stuck together. Dean and Charlie mostly worked regulars, – Charlie the chicks and Dean the gay dudes– while Hannah and Jo picked up most of the stragglers. That wasn’t to say that Dean didn’t leave with a stranger from time to time; he was the only male hooker this side of town. 

Dean was chatting with Charlie, trying to look sexy leaning against a building and laughing hysterically at something she had said, and failing miserably, when the ugliest car Dean had ever seen pulled up. Jo sauntered up to the golden continental, exaggerating the swish of her hips, and leaned in the passenger window, wiggling her booty a little bit. Dean could tell the moment Jo got rejected because she dropped the sexy dance and adopted some more practical behaviors, like bending at the knees instead of the waist. She tapped the side of the car and walked back to the group. “You’re up, Dean-o,” she announced. Dean pushed himself off of the wall he was leaning on and walked over to the car, throwing a wink over his shoulder at his friends. 

When Dean walked up to the ugly-ass car, he took up Jo’s original position, resting his forearms on the open window. He looked in and was stunned. The man sitting in the driver’s seat was absolutely breath-taking. He had this thick, dark hair that was sticking up every which way, and Dean couldn’t wait to get his fingers in it. Even sitting hunched over like the man was, Dean could tell the man was built like a ton of bricks. He had these big, elegant hands that were shakily rubbing up and down his thick thighs. His bright blue eyes kept flicking between Dean and the road in front of him, and he kept liking his plump, chapped lips. 

Dean looked a little longer that he normally would have before he spoke. When he finally found the air to form words, he said, “Hey handsome. Looking for some company?” It was a cheesy line and he knew it, but Dean didn’t really care. The man looked up at him hesitantly, meeting his eyes for a second before nodding. Dean opened the passenger side door and slid in. He buckled up and was busying himself with straightening his clothes, and he heard the man put the car in drive.

 “So,” Dean began as the man started driving off, “where to?”

 The man cleared his throat and said “My place,” and Dean just about died. Fuck, that man had a voice that was like wiskey and gravel and honey. If this guy got any sexier Dean’s soul might just leave his body and ascend to heaven without preamble. 

“Okay,” Dean most definitely did not squeak out, “my name’s Dean, by the way.”

 “Castiel,” the man growls by way of response.

 “Castiel, that’s a cool name. Mind if I call you Cas?” Dean asks. 

The man nodded and said nothing else. Dean suddenly feels awkward, and starts fidgeting with his hands. Dean never gets that way. If someone gives him a bad vibe then he can talk his way out of it, usually, and he can usually make conversation with everyone else, but this was different. Something about Cas was throwing Dean off his game; he felt like a teenager going on a date. And that was dumb because one, Dean was a professional, and two, he didn’t even know the guy or have any personal connection to him, so pre-date jitters shouldn’t be an issue. And yet, Dean’s mouth was as dry as the Sahara and his hands were sweating like crazy. 

The two men sat in silence for the rest of the short drive. Cas pulled into a middle-class neighborhood, and pulled his ugly car into the garage of a much prettier house. Cas shut off the car and closed the garage door before he got out, and Dean took that as his cue to do the same. 

Cas walked into the house, Dean on his heels, and they made their way to the kitchen. The house was a lot nicer on the inside than the outside. Every surface held expensive knick knacks and the walls were lined with framed artifacts. Some of the frames help pictures, and some held awards, while a couple had diplomas. There was not a speck of dust in sight, and Dean was very impressed.

 “Would you like something to drink?” Cas asked. 

“Sure, man,” Dean responded, wringing his hands. He still felt weirdly on-edge with this man. 

“So no offence, man,” Dean began, “but you’re a good-looking guy, and I imagine you don’t have any problem scoring. So why do you need me?” Cas handed him a glass of water.

 “Frankly, I don’t think that’s any of your business.” Dean raised his hands in an “I surrender” gesture and drank his water. When they were done, Cas walked off and Dean followed. They walked to what Dean assumed was the master bedroom. Cas stood off to one side and waited expectantly. 

“Okay, so I charge $150 an hour, anything fancy or not vanilla needs to be discussed beforehand, and we use Pretty Woman rules; no kissing on the lips. Sound good?”

Cas nodded at Dean’s terms, and went to get his wallet. He pulled out $150 in cash and handed it to Dean.  “I assume you want me to bottom?” Dean asked. Again, Cas nodded his head. Cas then started using his nimble fingers to unbutton his shirt. Dean put the cash in the back pocket of his shorts for the time being, and pulled off his top. He was working on the button of his shorts when he caught a glimpse of Cas. His shirt was discarded and he was working on his belt, but his chest is what Dean focused on. The man had well-sculpted pacts and a firm middle. He didn’t look like one of those ‘roided up, dehydrated male models, but he looked like he was carved from marble. His shoulders were thick and well-defined, and they drew Dean’s attention to the man’s perfectly sculpted neck. 

And now Dean was really confused. He was just starting to think that maybe Cas’ equipment was lacking, and that was why he needed to buy his pleasure, but then Cas pulled down his pants. He still had his boxer briefs on, but Dean could tell the man was hung. Dean shook himself out of his trance and continued to undress. He pulled off his boots, then his shorts, and lastly the little g-string he wore. Dean walked over to his shorts and grabbed a condom and a little packet of lube that he always kept in his back pocket. 

Dean was always prepared before the night began. He didn’t like to think of himself as a pessimist, but many of the guys he serviced were rough and inconsiderate, and he didn’t want to take chances. 

So Dean laid down on the bed and pulled out his plug that had a big plastic jewel at the end of it. He set the plug next to him on the bed, and he lubed his fingers up just a bit. He was pretty stretched out, but he made sure he could comfortably fit four fingers inside himself, just in case. When he was done, he propped himself up on his elbows and saw Cas looking at him. The man’s eyes were dark, and he had a feral edge to his gaze. If Dean wasn’t turned on by Cas’ physique, that look would have had him rock hard.  Dean didn’t like intimacy in these situations – he just wanted to get a good fuck and move on with his life – so he turned over onto his hands and knees, facing away from Cas. Cas also seemed like he wasn’t in the mood for pleasantries, because he grabbed Dean’s hips without preamble and lined his cock up with Dean’s entrance. Cas pushed in slowly but firmly, and stilled when he bottomed out.

Even though Dean was used to this, he still always took a moment at this point to catch his breath. It was easier when he was turned on, but he still always tried to center himself. Without warning, Cas started to slam in and out of Dean at a blinding pace. His hips slapped against Dean’s ass with every thrust, and for all of Dean’s efforts, he couldn’t breathe. Cas changed his angle slightly and he hit Dean’s prostate so hard that Dean cried out. Dean just sat there, panting and shaking after every one of Cas’ thrusts, only to be blown out of the water again and again. 

Cas reached up and grabbed Dean by the neck and shoved his face into the bed. Dean’s breaths were stifled with the bedspread, and between that, the pressure on the back of his neck and the brutal pounding he was taking, Dean was just about in subspace. Dean almost never went there, partially through sheer will, but this was just too good. 

As impossible as it seemed, Cas kept fucking harder and faster. Dean was limp at this point, just letting Cas do what he wants. He was so close; he could feel heat curling in his gut, and his toes following suit. “Cas,” he choked out, barely audible over Cas’ grunting, “I’m close.” In response, Cas picked up the pace yet again. With one adjustment of his hips, he nailed Dean’s prostate and Dean was flying over the edge. He moaned wantonly, spilling onto the comforter underneath him. As soon as the sensation passed, Dean collapsed under Cas’ weight. Cas just let him lay there, panting, and continued to chase his release.  After several minutes of Dean feeling blissfully full and overstimulated, Cas’ hips lost their rhythm. He jerked, grinded, and then he stilled. Cas fell on top of Dean. The two men laid there, catching their breaths and coming down from their respective highs.

 Eventually, Cas got off Dean. Dean heard him walk around, take the condom off, and throw it away. Dean laid there for just a moment longer, before he lifted himself off of the wet spot he had created.

 “Bathroom?” he asked horsley. Cas pointed to an adjoining room. Dean went in there and washed himself off. His head still felt foggy, and he was trying to make all his faculties work again, but he couldn’t seem to pull himself together. It wasn’t that he was complaining; he felt fucking great, it was just different than what he was used to. 

When Dean was done, he walked back to the bedroom to get dressed. He found Cas had removed the comforter, and was now laying underneath the sheets. Dean dressed quickly, and pulled some small bills out of his boot, where he kept them. Cas looked about as dead as Dean felt, and Dean didn’t see him moving any time soon. 

When Dean was finally dressed and ready to go, he turned to Cas. “You’re a pretty good lay,” he said, “let’s do this again sometime.” With that, Dean threw a wink over his shoulder and sauntered out of the room, scheduling an uber on his way out.

#supernatural #usertila #spnhellfire #spn #destiel #destiel fic #hooker!dean #dean winchester #Castiel #smut #angst #cameron black's reads #my writing

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