#im very ill at the moment but its been okay otherwise!

[newportangels]

Oh!! Happy Birthday, dear! 🍰💌🌸 I hope today is kind to you :) 💜

thank you sm lila!

[paper-mario-wiki]

I don't know if you've talked about this elsewhere already but was the break from streaming intentional and/or are you planning on returning to streaming some time in the foreseeable future? no pressure, I just miss your silly antics :o)

felt very burnt out from being someone who people are always lookin at all the time mostly! (and also a lot more reasons)

got a new job that pays just as well as streaming (which is enough to pay for rent in seattle with roommates, buy food for myself, and sometimes buy yet another japanese gamecube via online auction), and have been enjoying the feeling of not relying on anonymous teenagers and young adults who are just as poor as me on the internet for my income. It's something i was extremely grateful for, but it's not only a very infirm way to generate revenue on a reliable basis, but also i always felt an ever-present sense of guilt for it. like, instilling within other people who i know are in my tax bracket (one that is below the poverty line) the idea of "hey if you dont tip me for doing this free service, the quality of which is damningly subjective, I will be homeless. but no pressure haha" is something that i was never able to shake.

also like. performing is quite draining for me! the way i portray myself in my streams is EXTREMELY extroverted while, in my personal life, i prefer to spend 8 to 14 of my waking hours every day by myself in my room with my dog. i like the quiet, and i feel at peace most when i am not being perceived by other people.

lastly, i really dislike having inordinate levels of social power. for a several reasons. like, SEVERAL reasons. this is the longest section of this post.

8 years ago, i got way more famous than any 16 year old should ever be when i got tens of thousands of followers overnight for doing undertale shit. and i think it really fucked up my ability to make friends at a time where my only experience meeting new people was at school or at church, and i lived far enough out in the woods that i couldnt just go outside and hang out with the neighbors cuz the neighbors lived a mile away. my socializing skills in general are way more stilted than i'd prefer for someone my age. in private settings ive got my foot in my mouth a lot. and sometimes in public settings too! im sure if youve seen streams ive been on, youve seen plenty of "chase you really shouldnt have said that" moments. and youre probably right, i probably shouldnt have! my moment-to-moment gauge for what i should and shouldnt say is very slow to catch up cuz ive got like. advanced mental illnesses. like, im not joking when i say ive been formally diagnosed several times over by different doctors with shit ive never heard anybody ever talk about, online or otherwise.

i dont think that's an excuse to say heinous or cruel things by any means of course, but i also think that i should not rely on a job where there's constantly a microphone in my hand and an audience listening intently to what i say. im not at all pulling the "its okay that i say mean things because im mentawy iww" card. as a matter of fact i think it's not okay that i say them! and i feel very embarrassed when i do! the filter that separates "normal healthy thoughts" and "intrusive unhealthy thoughts" is thinner and more flimsy in my brain than in others.

ive only gotten this far because i surround myself with very smart, patient, and kind people, and by trying to be understanding and patient with others too. and ive begun apologizing to people a lot more. i dont like it when people are mad at me, and i dont like that for a long time i had professionally painted myself into a corner where im typically always the "heel" in comedy settings, because the "heel" is the guy everyone shits on all the time. i got this reputation not because i actively enjoy being mean, but because i learned to adapt to the aforementioned "clinically unreliable intrusive thoughts filter" by realizing i would say things that came across as mean, and in real time exaggerating that it into a character that people could shoot back at without feeling guilty while still having fun. theres nothing that ruins a good time quite like someone who is constantly apologizing for doing something wrong, and then continuing to do that wrong thing anyway. dont misunderstand, i absolutely adore dunking on weenies when everyone can get a good laugh out of it (like tumblr anons, who i think should be classified as prokariyotic invertebrates and not people (no offense)) but even though it's a joke it still feels very bad when that's expected of me when i walk into a room. because if i walk into a room, and everyone expects me to be an asshole, everyone is on the defensive before i say anything, and sometimes they take shots at me when im not trying to "play". even worse, if im a heel in a setting where it's expected of me and someone cant really keep up with "the bit" then that just means im being an asshole to someone who cant or doesnt have the energy to fight back. and not just any asshole, an asshole who has had nearly a decade of professional experience being a paid asshole.

if im being frank, i dont know if i'll come back in a full capacity. i might! im not ruling that out! and you'll probably still see me pop up in my friends streams, because i did LOVE what i did for a very long time! but after i took my "break" in december after being more stressed than ive ever been, and i knew it was no longer financially necessary for me to livestream, i had the thought "i will go back to streaming when i find within myself a desire to do so" and ya know what? i havent yet.

and DO NOT FUCKING BOTHER MY FRIENDS ABOUT THIS. if you post a fucking "hey have u heard what chase said" message in their chat or in their DMs or anything, im not joking when i say you are actively being the kind of person i changed my career to avoid! fuck you, for real! stop trying to interface with them to get some new piece of information or opinion about me you fucking weirdo! they'll talk about me if they want to, but going to someone who is doing their own thing and asking them to instead comment on someone else it is ALWAYS fucking annoying. if you want to think about me, do it by yourself! or ask me directly! or do it in the comment section of a video im in! or write a fanfiction about me and then throw it away!

but if ur not that kind of person then ur cool dont worry.

anywho! im sorry if this is a bummer to read. but that's the full skinny.

im still posting regularly on twitter (clown_depot)! and if i DO go live, either on my twitch channel or on a friend's stream, it will be posted there!

thanks for watching :^]

im not goin radio silent, im just gonna turn off the electric window that lets people see me for a while.

[laprimera]

alrighty so after some reflection and getting some outside stuff prioritized Im done some blog housework so I can get comfortable here again.

im still gonna continue my hiatus until november cause the rest of October still has a lot of rl appointments and stuff going on. ill be nuking my ask and drafts to get into maximum turtle plot overdrive and just start things clean, but here's the skinny under cut:

. Ive went and cleaned up my followers list. mostly of inactive blogs, non-mutual or blogs that haven't reached out or interacted at all. I use to think I liked a busier dash but I think trying to keep up with it had been giving me anxiety even if my muses weren't involved in anything plot wise. FOMO has been really killing my vibe more then anything and I need to cut that habit out.

you're a-okay to refollow though! I'll do the same. none of this was done out of malice or a personal dislike, and I get being so busy w/ life and personal plots that you cant interact with everyone in a convenient moment. but if you see this as an opportunity to reach out then by all means! that and I might've accidentally unfollowed one or two of you cause side-blog deal, clumbsy thumbs, and uuh, dont mind me realizing that later down the line-my bad!

. unless carefully plotted otherwise, anything outside my own canons, affiliated blogs/mains or plots is no longer canon to my own. any interaction or thread initiated towards my muses will default fall into my lore/verse unless vice versa or its plotted and etc etc. It's no longer just hanging there in the void so to speak. I need to feel more in control of my own narrative I think and trying to puzzle a lot of contradicting outside plots, dash events, etc has been mentally taxing when rp shouldn't be occupying so much space or anxiety to begin with lol.

this isn't to say everything thats happening in the dash or w/ other characters isn't important ofc! and I still want to participate; it'll just fall under a crack/non-canon tag. if things end up lining up p' well with whats going on here then I might take it into canon. This is p' much what I've been doing to begin with, it's just more concrete now and Im being more careful of what Im willing to accept now. Im ofc open to discussing stuff! DMs and disco for those who have it are open always even if I take a moment to get to it!

. Im no longer answering anon asks that are personal in some way, ie, around subject matters that aren't general headcanons asks or 'hey how do you feel about-' sorta deal. I dont feel comfortable taking it to public and while I understand having the fear of being identified, it's not fair if I'm the only one bearing the subject so to speak. If you want to talk to me through DMs you can either tell me your UN (no burners either) so I can bypass permissions here to chat or you can reach me at @shiny-miltank where my IMs are not barred to mutuals only. I don't bite really! and my discord is not public. tbh Im still very anxious about being on disco to begin w/ cause social anxiety flare ups. idk tumblr dms always seemed easier to chat until I know you on a personal basis-its just worked that way.

. making it more strict that you dont? put my geeta in place of plots, events, etc that I havent participated or plotted with, nor can you make assumptions for them based on said events. as slapped on every piece on my about/rules/pinned/etc shes heavily canon-divergent to begin with so no one knows her intentions/actions (save for me ofc) and wont act in what presumed canon-geeta would do or your own version so to speak. easy enough to slap me an IM for "is it okay to-", plotting, or just make a nebulous npc stand-in.

. things that havent changed are the use of my lore and headcanons into your own! I love seeing it integrated or adapted into other lore and seeing just how much it inspires and changes over time!

this all seems rigid but really it's just reiterating whats already in my rules and no one here has been a huge offender at all :' ) this is more for me to follow and I cant thank everyone enough for their patience and creativity for as long as I've been here. Im loosey goosey and go with the flow 90 out of 100 times.

this goes for the rest of my muses, which Ill probably clean up when Im back-but yeah! miss ya'll! hope you've been doin' good! the terrapagos plot will continue then and Ill resume reaching out and leaving details! hopefully in time for dlc ; >

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hey so i have a kind of issue ive been pondering over for a while. i currently identify as a trans man, but for a while i thought i might be genderfluid and identified the two possible "genders" i switched between. i gave them names, ill call them s and k here. s was my more feminine gender, i used to describe them as my "girl" gender but now it makes me kind of uncomfortable identifying even partly as a girl. for a while, s used he/she/it pronouns. k uses he/him pronouns and is strictly masculine presenting. sometimes, i will feel like a mix of both "genders" and to be honest, it confuses me because more often than not they feel very distinct and separate, but weirdly similar at the same time? because, well, i usually think theyre both still me. but recently ive been wondering if they really are both me? if that makes any sense at all. because ive been thinking that the two "genders" might not be genders at all but instead like, separate personalities? because my interests change sometimes slightly and sometimes drastically when my "gender" changes, or sometimes i feel conflicted on what i *should* be interested in, if that makes sense? like both hypothetical interests are there, sure, but i feel confused on which one im supposed to like at the moment. and now that im really thinking about this, and typing it out, i have a feeling i might have some kind of plurality?? but im also scared that im getting way ahead of myself and jumping to conclusions, because the "genders" or "personalities" or whatever they are, people maybe, arent always so clearly distinct from one another? because i feel like if they are separate personalities than they both come from a singular base personality maybe? and theres also the issue that if they are two separate personalities or people, than I don't know which one is the real me.

sorry if this was like, really confusing. i just would really like some input on what you think this could be. if its not too much trouble, i hope this could be answered quickly because it's something thats really bothering me but if thats too much stress or whatnot, like you have other asks to get to first, than i totally understand and no pressure! thank you in advance

Hi anon,

It's fairly possible that you could be plural given the experiences you described. It's common for people who don't realize they are systems to experience their plurality in terms of shifting their gender, name, and pronouns, as well as their interests, likes, and dislikes. It's possible that the shifts could be different parts fronting, and it's also possible that the blending between them could be chalked up to blurriness or being cocon. It's understandable that the idea you may be plural could be causing some unease or uncertainty, even as to who you are personally, and please know that you're not alone.

However, as a nonprofessional and as someone who doesn't know you personally, it's not my place to say for certain whether or not you are plural. This could be something to explore further with the guidance or mediation of a mental health professional such as a therapist, ideally one who specializes in dissociative disorders and/or LGBT+ experiences. A therapist, especially one with these concentrations, could help you figure out whether this is to do with gender or if there's something more going on.

Please know that it's okay to explore your identity and discover who you truly are. Identity is a complex and personal journey, it can often fluctuate, and it can take time to understand ourselves fully. Remember to practice self-care, being gentle and patient with yourself along the way. You deserve the space and time to embrace and understand all parts of yourself.

Best of luck in getting to the bottom of this. If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

oh, our discord is raihansofficialboywife if thats .. reassuring (?) for you. .. dont say anything about the username, i know its silly but its personal for us so just dont question it lmao . again i dont really have any interest in moving this over there but im.. sure youre well aware of that by now hm?

we have the inner voice thing, kind of. im not really sure if thats actually even what it really is, but we can talk to each other without saying anything outloud, headspace or otherwise. ("i think thats just telepathy" - luca .. true, but still lol..) admittedly sometimes i miss my old bodies, but i think the one i have now is pretty nice. i dont really have a solid form, i kind of change tiny things about my appearance constantly even when i dont mean to, but mostly i latch onto whatever im presenting as at the moment with my own things added, some of them are surprisingly consistent between forms, like my fucked up eye whcih is why i have the x as that eye in the little emoticon thingies (x_o <- those) .. i like having my own little typing related things that are specific to me because theyre tied to my personal appearance in headspace, its a nice special comfort. andrew does it too, he puts little bunny ears on the sides of all his kaomojis.

i could talk a lot about my headspace appearance, because i personally find it very interesting .. but i also am very much a narcissist (npd holder, along with.. just being incredibly self absorbed and otherwise narcissistic by definition even outside of the pd, hahah) so i personally find every little tidbit about myself to be utterly fascinating.

man thats fuckin awful, im sorry that shit happened to yall. like.. i cannot express enough how genuinely insane that is..? and excuse my language in referring to it.. just. lord. it still disturbs me to this day how malicious people can be for no real reason greater than for the sake of it. how i wish it was just humans but i suppose every being is unfortunately prone to that ill natured behaviour ..

thats a really crazy coincidence in all honesty лол. i forgot how exactly i started using it for myself, i think it started as an aesthetic thing to go along with an old layout of a blog i dont use anymore, and then i started using it as signoffs in asks and just.. got attached, and started using it for myself in general. we even use it for ourselves as a collective now, its been in our discord status and bio for like.. a month or two i think? maybe three. were really bad with time perception so i couldnt give a very good estimation if i tried.

🪷

No no it's okay, we don't need your discord but I am thankful you were at least open. While we are on discord far more frequently we should be talking where you're comfortable. Where both of us are comfortable.

And yes, I believe telepathy is very common in the headspace so I'm not too surprised it's not just us. It's funny too, because while we don't have a fucked up eye, we often feel like we do. It's so strange and I think almost like phantom feeling, like having a phantom limb except it's more of a phantom scar we can't explain. Of course we're not going to be dumb like those "trans-abled" people and fuck up our eye just because we think it would feel right, that's just stupid. (it's our left eye)

And yeah we know what you mean, having little things helps a lot. We have a hood with ears on it but it's got paws attached too. The ears are fixed upright but it's a black hood. Still, we love it and we're glad we have it.

We love our self absorbed alters /hj

No okay for some odd reason our brain tends to latch onto alters that tend to have more self-absorbed personalities. Does this go for all of our alters? of course not. But Edgar Valden, Bob Aken (Obake), Me and the multiple doubles we have of each. But then we also have our Andrew and Aesop doubles and they aren't self absorbed so much as they just prefer their space. It's so strange how our system works. Systems are fascinating tbh.

And yeah, it was just beyond fucked up. It was ridiculous and even when we tried to move someplace else they followed us over. It's just.. such drama. The idv fandom is really fucked up in general. Already a few servers we've come forward on have either been hostile towards us or have actually infantalized me. And I mean waving images of baby keys in my face level and "feeding me meat and rice."

Frankly our status will not hold that emoji forever. We actually.. have no clue why it's even still there lmao. We just put it there one day and never changed it. Time perception is hard fr.

[asakurahaos]

I was supposed to start seeing a new therapist today but couldnt go, so i was (again) going through all the things i should tell her when i do eventually go, and the thing that was last on that list was the fact that sometimes i just feel like pieces of me are just... resting? as in like stopping? falling away from me? idk how to properly explain it but ill try better when i talk to her. Anyways. The point was, i can feel pieces of me shutting down, and one time when i felt a piece 'go', i had the thought that i will fall asleep one time and just wont wake up bc ill completely shut down. And just now, i was thinking of that moment and trying to convince myself i cant rly sense things like that, that im just too obsessed w death, that its all in my head etc and opened youtube to take my mind off of it all...

Only to it to open to a short from a hospice nurse talking about people (not her patients & otherwise healthy ppl) who felt like they were going to die and did die soon after, with people in the comments talking abt their experiences w ppl close to them feeling the same thing i am feeling rn 🙃

One of them said their SIL felt like she always felt like she was going to die young, and thats what ive always felt too. Since i was abt 7 i felt that i was going to die at 33 (or early 30s in general). Im turning 30 in 4½ months. Ive always been super afraid of death, but now im feeling calm about it all.

Idk its all super weird to me cause like. I dont really mind dying but also i want to have some fun/happiness, but the thought of 'why does it matter when im going to die soon anyways' is stopping me. I have things i want to buy bc it would make me very happy to have them but i keep thinking, 'okay, but what will my family do w this after im gone? Im just gonna waste more money and leave them w things that will collect dust + be painful reminders of me, and i dont want to do that to them.'

I want to get rid of these thoughts. I want them gone. I want to live. I want to live longer than my 30s and i want to be healthy and happy and i want to enjoy life. Im so tired of this all. I want new experiences and new people in my life and to travel and visit my friends and family who live far away. I dont want to be paralyzed by the thoughts of death and 'why does it matter'. I want to refurnish my room - something ive always put off due to my 'close' death. I wish i could see my future, at least a glimpse of it, even if its really bad, just to know im still here.

[bluewormonastring]

My live reactions to season 2 (episode 4)

SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY KIDS READ AT UR OWN RISK

Y’all I’m so excited you have no idea but my sister said at least one of these episodes is sad so fuck me I guess

Oh shit getting right back into it

“Did u mean to do that?… was that on purpose?” Lmao stede ur goofy

No we don’t just banish people

Alright look I’m not a fan of Ed right now but ya can’t kill stedes boyfriend smh

Awww Izzy I love you

“AT LEAST HES STILL GOT BOTH LEGS” “YES- oh he can’t hear you he’s got no head… you’ve got a head though… which you should… look after”

Oh my poor izzy I love you you’re perfect and fuck anyone who says otherwise

“Your complimentary dinghy awaits you port side” “fuck off” “alright rude”

I DONT LIKE EVERYONE BEING MEAN TO ED AND I DONT LIKE THAT JIM AND OLU ARENT STANDING NEXT TO EACH OTHER

“Do you want your sammy?” *slaps it away* AWWW STEDE BABY U LOOK SO SAD

“You’re not a fucking mermaid” OH MY GOD OW MY HEART

When Ed went “here I go again” I naturally instantly went “ON MY OWN GOIN DOWN THE ONLY ROAD IVE EVER KNOWN” and then he said “on my own” and I lost my shit and then he said “goin down the only road I’ve ever known” and I lost my shit even more

OH MY GOD ITS THE FUCKING BUNNY

OMG TATTOO TOUR TATTOO TOUR THATS SO CUTE

OH MY GOD THE FUCKING BUNNY WHAT NO IS IT OKAY OH MY GOD

Oh my god is that one of the lesbians

Awww cute lil reunion

Buttons respectively what the fuck are you saying

OH MY GOD ITS ABT TO BE THE SHIPMATES FORMER SHIPMATES LINE

Anne Bonny ur so fine I love you

THE HANDSHAKE ICONIC

STOP THIS SCENE IS SO FUCKING GOOD LIKE IT WAS GOOD IN THE TRAILER BUT PHAHHAHAHA “Jesus Christ here we go… hi” “I wasn’t looking for you by the way I-“ “oh man I don’t care if you were” “you two know each other? What are the fuckin odds?” “Very high apparently” “shipmates” “former” “well you should both stay for dinner” “oh well I don’t wanna make HIM feel UNCOMFORTABLE” “him? Oh look you do whatever you want. You’re good at that.” “Oh well… I could… potentially… I could have dinner” “whatever” what a fucking scene

Cackling at the energy seeming off oh my god u all need therapy lucius being paranoid izzy screaming at the statue blackbeards crew having a cute little ptsd moment

Oh shit I forgot that all three of those are a result of Blackbeard

“They just need to be reminded that they have value, that this is a safe space” “they’re definitely planning something”

Cackling I love how they’re telling this story Ed is trying so hard to downplay it “well ACTUALLY I was planning on killing him myself” “more like relented”

“Well I got the crazy notion to shave it off. Immediately regretted it” STOP STEDES FACE

“For what it’s worth, I like your beard… the length” AWWWW STOPPPP

OH SHES BEEN STABBED

I LOVE THE LESBIANS YALL KINKY

Cackling at Ed and Stedes faces while the knife thing is happening

“You’ve gotta close your eyes cause it’s a surprise” “no fuck that we’re not too into surprises these days”

The absolute horror when they revealed the pinata and Lucius hiding the knife behind his back is so funny

Living for Ed smoking weed

ANNE NO MAAM

Kinda crushed that it was buttons who interrupted them

ANNE BONNY IF YOU FUCKING THROW UP ON HIM ILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU THATS SO GROSS

SHE POISONED HER WHAT THE FUCK

“So you all think we’re plotting against you” “yep. Yes. Yep which in hind sight maybe was inaccurate I don’t know you tell me”

“Are you saying this is like… a space… that is safe” “yeah babe”

Izzy lmfao ily

OH MY GOD HE FELL AND HES ARMY CRAWLING AWAY

I love how buttons is just… there

OH MY GOD ED FINDING OUT ABOUT MARY

Crying at the scene with him under the blanket

“I never expected a headbutt either but I received one” “Oh god yeah throw that back in my face why don’t you. Nice.” “I WILL ACTUALLY BECAUSE IT BLOODY WELL HURT” “GOOD IM GLAD IT FUCKIN HURT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO HURT THATS THE POINT OF HEADBUTTS” “alright”

OH MY GOD THE I LOVE SCENE AHH OH MY GOD

THE LESBIANS INTERRUPTING LMFAO ED LOOKS SO DONE W THEIR BULLSHIT

CACKLING I LOVE THIS DYNAMIC “YOUVE NOT EVEN GIVEN EACH OTHER A LITTLE HANDY” “A LITTLE TICKLE”

“He gave me a proper tonguing in the kitchen” lmao

I love stede and Ed’s faces after “it’s you who’s scared that you’re too old to go back to pirating”

I mean the cuckoo clock never really had a chance did it

And just like that Ed and stede are buddies again

Motherfucker set her house on fire lmao I love the lesbians pt 10000000

OH MY GOD THEM ALL WORKING TOGETHER TO MAKE IZZY A LEG AWW HES A DICK BUT HES THEIR DICK OH MY GOD HES CRYING BECAUSE NO ONES EVER BEEN THAT NICE TO HIM BEFORE

AWWWWW IVE MISSED THEIR CUTE LITTLE BANTER INTERRUPTING ESCH OTHER MOMENTS THAT ARE CLEARLY IMPROV THATS AMAZING

FUCK OFF BUTTONS IS ACTUALLY A BIRD PHAHAHAHAHA

“For the next unicorn” STOP IM SOBBING

Okay kids bye bye see you next time

My live reactions to season 2 (episode 1)

SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY KIDS READ AT UR OWN RISK

Holy shit I’m so excited

Oh my god

Oh my god

Oauxbwkxjwhz

LOVE THE BLACK SCREEN W A SHARP CUT TO THE BEACH 10/10

OMG WE GET THE STEDE AND IZZY BEACH SWORD NOW? SO SOON? YOU SPOIL ME OFMD

Omg he’s been stabbed this is for sure a dream sequence

STEDE THATS MURDER EVEN IF ITS JUST IN YOUR HEAD

“You absolute twa….” BEST DYING WORDS EVER ILY IZZY ALWAYS AND FOREVER

THE SLOW RUN TOWARDS EACH OTHER OMG

AND STEDES FACE AND HIS VOICE AND AWW BABY

AWWW THE WAY THEY CRASHED INTO EACH OTHER

“BABE” HA FOWIHXBWNA I WAS NOT PREPARED

“I KNEW YOUD FIND ME LOVE”

“Fuckin love the beard mate”

Oh we’ve started farting lovely

OH MY GOD I WASNT PREPARED FOR HOW ID FEEL WHEN IT CUT TO HIM WITH EVERYONE AWW MY BABIES IVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH

“Cant be worse than you moaning ‘Ed oh ed’ all night” ILY PETE

Iconic title screen as always

“DEAR ED” AHHHH

SPANISH JACKIE ILY

Instantly taking an interest in the Swede as we knew would happen but still iconic

Ugh I love Leslie jones did I mention I love Leslie jones

Nat looks so scared aww baby

I love wee John being security

And host stede aww baby

I live for black Pete dealing with working in customer service

And all of them tbh

Aww poor buttons he needs his ocean and Livy

I’m ngl for a second I was like “where’s Fred armisen- oh wait”

ITS THE I THINK OF YOU OFTEN LINE YESS

HELLO YES I ADORE IZZY HANDS HE CAN DO NO WRONG IDC WHAT YOU SAY IVE MISSED MY BABY BOY

Ahh the wedding

“Demon? *shakes head* I’m the fucking devil” AHH

Guys were only 6 minutes in and this post is already long as shit so buckle up (if ur actually reading it lmao my ass would be like nope too long”

THERES MY VICO HELLO VICO ILY AND MY JOEL FRY ILY BABIES

Ah yes ye olde put trauma in a box in lock it

Awww fang baby boy someone give him a hug find him Lucius

Omg it’s the “you dumped him” scene

“Did everyone get some cake” because he’s still our precious little angle

HE JUST SNORTED RHINO HORN IS THAT A THING WAS THAT A THING IN HISTORY HUH

NO ITS THIS SCENE I DONT WANNA WATCH MY BABY BE SAD

Yes hello I love Izzy hands I would protect him with my life little baby boy

Vico looks so done w his ass

Someone give my baby a hug

Ily fang

The tears in his eyes during “unhand me” aww Angel

AWW IZZY

CONNOTHAN O NONNATHAN WE LOVE YOU YOU PRECIOUS LITTLE BOY UR ABSOLUTE PERFECTION YOU ANGEL

I love the friendship Jim and that girl have

Oh shit Jackie

“BOO CAKES” JACKIE

Stede honey you’re not intimidating

“I know that guy we had breakfast together” “you’ll be having a lot of breakfastes together” “oh okay 🙂” ily Swede

HIM DOING AN ED IMPRESSION LMAO “could be. Could be mate.”

“You’re my hero” 😞😕🙂😏

Swede bein a cute lil double agent

AWW SWEDE “my time with Jackie has been the happiest of my life. Her love has helped me locate parts of myself I didn’t even know existed and reclaim others that I have long missed” ILY

“Tonight is my turn to perform the husbandly duties”

“That’s another toe” ED YOU STAY AWAY FROM HIM LEAVE MY BABY ALONE

“Who am I to you” aww Izzy Angel baby he’s accepting it OMG “I have love for you Edward” IZZY YOURE SAYING IT OUT LOUD IM SO PROUD OF YOU BUD

IZZY YOU DID NOT JUST SAY TALK IT THROUGH YOU HAD TO HAVE KNOWN THAT WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA

OMG AND THE SHIFT IN THE MUSIC AS SOON AS HE SAID IT

IZZY RUN

RUN MY BABY BOY RUN

“As a crew” OH EDDDDD

ED DONT POINT A GUN AT JIM

OR ANYONE ELSE

THAT INCLUDES YOURSELF EDWARD TEACH BORN ON A BEACH

“They think ya crazy” cackling his face omg

Go taika absolutely slaying this scene

The way the camera is all like jittery is so good

Jim’s like “beard” makes their chin look like… not caved in but idk like it looks like they have a rly bad overbite yk

“Everyone knows why” “I don’t. Enlighten me” “your feelings for stede fucking bon-“ *GUNSHOT* ARE U SHITTING ME EDWARD NO WE DO BOT SHOOT FRIENDS

OH MY GOD HE MADE FRENCHIE FIRST MATE HOLY SHIT

Oh my god Izzy my poor baby Izzy oh my god how dare you hurt my Izzy

LMAO SWEDE

“FUCK THOSE HAMMIES UP” LMAO

There’s like no way there’s actually anything valuable in that chest

WE GOT TO SEE HER TAKE A NOSE FOR THE NOSE JAR YESSS

OH SHIT INDIGO

“Now give me back my blue shit STEVE”

Susan’s hot

DONT HURT SWEDE

Oh good okay we’re cool

I feel like she’s lying tho

But for now we’re cool

AWW FANG

AWW JIM COMFORTING FANG

“WANNA HEAR THE STORY OF THE WOODEN BOY” AWW

Living for vico using they them for the puppet

“DO THE VOICE” AWW

OMG VICO THATS ICONIC

AWW YAY THEYRE LAUGHING NOW THOSE ARE MY BABIES YAY

Living for buttons reuniting with the ocean

Okay roll credits cheers yall see you next episode

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

Do you have a list of the songs in Sun and Moon’s “work playlist” from chapter 3? Pretty please?🥹

OH GEEZ okay so this is rlly not my strength and i didn't rlly have a specific list of songs in mind when i wrote that in, more just Vibes of what Sun n Moon might like in the context of that moment, so this is an ask i have been thinking probably way too hard over skjdfksjf

BUT. that being said, i CAN share a couple songs that jumped to mind when i was trying to imagine the Vibes of 'songs they might potentially enjoy', so,, theres that at least jdhfsjdjh

SONGS N LINKS BELOW TH CUT

okay so BIG DISCLAIMER i am rlly bad at this and this probably gonna say more abt my music taste than either of those himbos im very sorry (also all of them are love songs jkdfjshjdk im sorry)

SUN:

most of what I imagine for him is very happy n upbeat kinds of songs, or the kind you scream-sing along to on long roadtrips, and,, to be honest i can totally imagine him really liking Queen too sjfsjkdh

but a couple i was specifically thinking of when i wrote that scene? these two:

Puppy Princess, by hot freaks (YEAH IT'S AN EASY PICK IM A BASIC BITCH OKAY)

Tonight you belong to me, by Patience and Prudence (yeah this one is not really a dancing-to type and it's vaguely creepy but its saccharine on first glance and it suits him)

MOON:

okay first of all this man loves old songs, don't ask me why i think that i just do. he also loves jazz sorry i dont make the rules. otherwise im not sure what kinda vibes he'd enjoy? hozier comes to mind but i have absolutely no idea why im sorry i have no idea what im doing

what i was thinking of in that scene,, like okay ill admit it my brain was out to lunch or smthn idk

Fly Me to the Moon, by Frank Sinatra (I TOLD YOU IM BASIC AND DUMB OKAY IDK WHAT TO TELL YOU)

Put Your Head on My Shoulder, by Paul Anka (I AM. A BASIC BITCH. NO BRAINCELLS FOUND SORRY)

i think thats all i can come up that makes any sense??? god this is so nonsensical i have such weird tastes in music it's tainted the whole thing sdfjshjklfsk BUT if y'all have any songs you think vibe with them boys..........i would love to receive them in my inbox............ if ur up to it....... if u wanna................just sayin

ANYWAY thank u for the wonderful question!! im sorry i couldnt rlly deliver but i hope this kinda conveys what i was looking for hjhgjfhj

[georgiarts]

oh it’s been a bad bad day today but there’s the tiny moon

[single-malt-scotch]

have you been watching old sms episodes yet?

ha well. i watched some old season 3 just earlier... since i have one ep queued bc of some old post i made i looked a few episodes prior and watched those instead to jog my memory. i actually still need to rewatch the uhc sms videos too though.

its weird to say i have been like. hesitant? to watch old mindcrack. not in any bad reason but like. idk if its weird to say that i feel like if i get really back into watching old videos, then ill just be stuck in that time period... and that its weird to live in a bubble of that time and not watch anything new from them- since things have changed so much?

oh anon get ready for a wall of rambling sorry

the first thing i rewatched old mindcrack wise while getting into some hc videos for the first time was team canada's prank on guude's s3 house. but ive like.. barely touched anything since bc of my Weird Anxiety about getting real focused on old videos haha... ive watched loads of new stuff from bdubs, and etho. i mentioned before im not always super into this current day stuff either, and now as i sit down to watch a bit more of the old videos i am seeing such a disparity between them now to where its kinda really hitting me how much less im into the new videos (namely the hc ones bc i dont watch much else new things). my god. new videos are so fast paced.

i just watched over and hour of zisteau and kurt digging out a giant hole in the ground. very little talking (especially from kurt). some small talk but, otherwise... very slow hole digging. and saying its slow isnt an insult to these videos either bc man, it was a nice breather. i remember the moments in mindcrack where stuff would pick up- series of pranks, the bteam stuff, etc, could get 'faster paced' but otherwise it is not comparable to the stuff i see coming out now. and its kind of exhausting to watch the new stuff!! i have to pay attention to the whole episode because they speed up building, they cut out mining, they jump straight to where they fly, etc... other fancy stuff.

so now i really am sitting here like, oh. okay. maybe i will still prefer the old stuff..... which feels a little bad i guess. being stuck in the 2013 era of these ppl wouldnt be so bad if uhhh that wasnt almost 10 years ago, and the fact that barely anyways currently on tumblr cares about that era specifically lol. uh. to summarize, i will probably try to watch em more. gonna work past my guilt because i do miss those videos. my memory is so shit itll be like watching it for the first time (nearly).

[junisfics]

addressing this post — 06/08/21

tw: mentions of: eating disorders, "skinnyphobia", fatphobia, sexual assault, rape, racism.

note: it is very probable that i may add things onto this post as things progress, so please be patient with me. i'm going to open up my ask box to be open to criticism, but i will not be responding to any that aren't questions.

to provide context.

the origins of this post has come from an earlier thread found here. in this thread, said user created some sort of “blocklist” with a list of tagged users and what they’ve done wrong. in said post, it’s stated that i defend individuals who write noncon/dubcon, which is true. as a victim of sexual assault and rape i find rape fiction as a form of a way i gain my control back, but thats besides the point.

in response to this post, i created a list of things that ive also done that could be seen as problematic which you’ll be able to see if you scroll a little lower. in this list, i disclose a few things; some of which are sarcastic, and others which are not. it is my mistake that i did not include tone indicators to differentiate the sort.

i thought that it was okay to make a joke out of this situation, which i truly shouldnt have thought. my intention was to make the “victims” of that post feel better about their inclusion in it by joking about the subject. i didn’t intitally take this post as something serious, which is why i was so open about joking about it. i always saw block lists as something petty or something to joke about, which is why i joke about it.

racism.

(technically ethnicity, but mentions of me being white were also brought up)

in this list, i start with the fact that ive called my friend callie (who is mexican) a b*aner. which is a slur used against mexican people. i am mexican. im 75% mexican, as an estimate, for i do not know my full history due to the fact that im adopted. but also, even though i am mexican, i am decently white passing depending on context. on days where i straighten my hair, im white. but on days where i wear my hair naturally, its very hard to tell what race/ethnicity i am. 

as a mexican person, i have faced discrimination both societally and systematically for being mexican. obviously, since im white majority of the time, societal prejudice towards me isnt as great as systematic prejudice is. but there have been moments where i have been called slurs for my appearence (whether or not those slurs applied to me)

given the fact that i have been derogatorily called a b*aner, i believed that i had every right to say this word given the fact that it has been used against me, and because i have been mexican.

im so incredibly sorry if my use of the slur has brought hurt to anyone. although that was not my intention to hurt anyone, i realize that i have hurt people in the process and im incredibly sorry for doing so.

also, the fact that ive brought race/ethnicity up has been heavily brought into question. the only reason i included the fact that ive said “racist” things towards my friend callie was to show that i was being sarcastic with my following statement that im “skinnyphobic”

“skinnyphobia”

this was one of the situations where i am at fault for not using a tone indicator. i am completely aware that skinnyphobia does not exist, i am also completely aware that hurt that skinny people may feel in society is no where near the oppression fat people feel.

the reason i included this as a bullet point was because me and my friend group have a running joke about being “skinnyphobic” due to the amount of hate my fat friends have recieved from skinny girls both online and in their pasts. we all know that skinnyphobia isnt real. this is similar to how we also joke that we are “racist to white people”. we also know that racism towards white people does not exist, the same way that “skinnyphobia” does not exist. our joking about this was purely satirical and ironic.

i realize that ive hurt many of my fat AND skinny followers by the inclusion of this poor joke and im incredibly sorry for doing so. it is completely my fault for not including a tone indicator, but it is also my fault for thinking that this would be an okay joke to make.

fatphobia.

next in the list of things was my inclusion that i used to run a thinspo blog. a while ago, before i wrote fanfiction, this blog used to be a thinspo blog. i have been very open about the fact that i used to be very mentally ill, had a very bad eating disorder, and that this blog used to be a thinspo blog. since then, this blog has been completely wiped of all content including any sort of thinspo or pro eating disorder content.

i believed that it was okay to joke about the fact that i formerly used to run a thinspo blog because of the fact that ive changed so much since then. im absolutely embarassed of the person i used to be and how pro-ed i used to be as well. although i am still healing, and i still have trouble with my eating habits, i am in no way near as unhealthy or mentally ill as i was then.

it came to my attention through this post that someone who was fat was deeply offended by my joking about how i used to run a thinspo blog. i addressed it in that post, which you can read if you want to.

that post and my response was taken as a joke, i never intended my response to come off as a joke, it was completely genuine. i believed that i had every right to joke about my traumatic past given the fact that it was mine, but given that, i had failed to take into consideration on how my jokes about my past may effect other people.

i am terribly sorry if me joking about a thinspo blog offended you. eating disorders arent funny, thinspo blogs arent funny, and using my own experience with an eating disorder shouldnt be used as an excuse to joke about one.

also, on the topic of eating disorders, the eating disorder i specifically had (anorexia) is heavily centered around fatphobia. societal desires to be skinny, as well as my own desire to be found pretty in the eyes of other people, drew me to developing an eating disorder that caused me to be severly underweight.

in my past, i see how my desire to be skinny was fatphobic. i absolutely understand that and im so incredibly sorry if my experience has brought anyone pain or harm.

since that time when i had anorexia, ive healed immensely. ive learned to love and accept all bodies and all people. even though my actions in the past have had fatphobic intentions, i can gurantee that i am not fatphobic now. ive tried my best to be an active advocate against fatphobia, to speak out against the biases towards skinny people in fanfiction. 

i can claim everything i want, but claims can do nothing for you, and your opinion on me heavily relies on my actions. but my actions have shown otherwise, and in the process i have hurt many of my fat followers by the revelation of me previously owning a thinspo blog.

in the end, ive hurt many people today both intentionally and unintentionally and im truly sorry for my actions. i should have realized that my experiences with such topics should not be taken the same as others experiences, and my comfortability with jokes is not the same as others comfortability.

[matrose]

two tag games today!!! 💘🫂🌲 ill put them under the readmore in one post !

tagged by @lesbianhaleth for this one !! thank you! 💞💎🍃💚🌿❣️

five movies/shows

succession. very good show very excited for season 4 and to collectively go insane again with the dash...fun times..

everything everywhere all at once. movie of all time!!! i need to watch it twenty million times!!

ek ladki ko dekha toh aisa laga. movie of all time two!! ive watched it many times and cried everytime ❤️

in this corner of the world. yes this one makes me cry too of course. i only like movies that make me cry

okay. wintertime is coming up basically but not really but like. i saw this movie while i was scrolling through my list on netflix because i cant remember anything and i saw it and i had to put it because its everything... drei haselnüsse für aschenbrödel!!!! THE nostalgia movie. love the silly beautiful costumes and aschenbrödel was my first crush and the music means everything to me....wah

four songs

sooo difficult to choose just four!! ill go with... long lost - lord hurin. this song.... i feel understood ❣️

shouldve been me - mitski. ive been loving her new album and i especially love the. hm. i lack the right words. i dont even know the german word for the instrument (sound?) it seems!! the one at the beginning that reappears again and again!! argh! i love it a lot

boots worn through - shayfer james. i like this one a lot and i listened to it basically on repeat during any calm alone moment, usually in the evenings while the sun was setting, when we were camping, so i get a lot of nice feeling associations with this song!!

ships - wallners. very calming...like it a lot!

three essentials (excluding food, water, phone)

hmm my portable charger... i have nearly all my books on my phone and i love love taking pictures so i want it to stay on!!

i could say something like ID here but isnt that a bit boring... i have very little in my bag unless its a special occasion!! a pen then, id say. you always need a pen! or pencil or anything. marker. ill take it

actually one thing i do always have in my bag is those reusable fruit and vegetable nets you use to avoid plastic bags !! a nice cashier gave me some for free for no discernible reason and ive had them in my bag ever since in case i spontanously decide i need to buy carrots or kiwis 💚

two books

very very mean to only have two here. how can i choose. ill just put the two im currently actively reading which areee octavia e. butlers parable of the sower which i love very much and

the giant epub of all asoiaf books....!!!

one quote

not very good at memorizing quotes i fear... one thing that i marked and that stuck with me, is what lauren olamina in parable of the sower says about her younger half-brother keith: "I hated Keith at least as much as I loved him." its a difficult relationship and i cried reading about it, because it was well written and evocative and emotional and a tragedy, and also because i have a very complicated relationship with my own younger half-brother as well. i like this book a lot 💛

the second one!! tagged by @sunlighthairs thank youuu 🥰🌿💓🌿🌲🍃💚

relationship status: single but i fall in love with atleast one person per day

favorite color(s): blue means everything to me. yes this wavelenght of light IS special it is so special. to me and everyone else. its everywhere but sooo rare!! how funny!!! i also love green and it makes me so happy. just look at my header! all my favorite colors! 🏔

favorite food: i love anything with broccoli as long as its properly seasoned....at my grandmas birthday celebration they served broccoli without even SALT!! my cousin snuck into the kitchen for us and found some salt which saved it atleast a bit...otherwise i really enjoy roasted chestnuts but theyre expensive...very special snack. this reminds me that i need to go acorn collecting to try out the perhaps prehistoric acorn recipe we talked about in one of my archaeobotanical classes...it might be very good it might be very bad it might be very bland. hm!

song stuck in my head: misty mountains................... i am a one trick pony

last thing you googled: waldmistkäfer =^)

time: while typing this it is 23:33 (11:33 pm) but by the time i post it will be a bit later i suspect 🧐

dream trip: !!!! oh! oh!!!! unrealistically unethically grandiosely i would want to go to australia...i would have to take the plane and it would take forever and i think this is a long time dream because of 1) watching h2o just add water as a child 2) not being afraid of spiders and bugs and snakes since childhood which i prided myself in and as such wanted to go to the stereotypical dangerous animals place... realistically and ecologically conciously i would want to take the train to the mountains again to go on a long very long long looong hike. i miss the mountains so much and itll be sometime until i can see them again... oh i also want to go to britain to look at some caves theres some really good caves there . sorry these are three dream trips...!

last thing you read: i finished a chapter of parable of the sower just a few minutes ago =)

last book you enjoyed reading: well...see previous answer... i enjoy reading most books, even the really bad ones because i like to be a bit of a hater...

favorite thing to cook/bake: i love making almost anything!! i really enjoy cooking chicken korma/a vegan alternative with potato and spinach because i have so much fun blending the sauce!!!! otherwise i also love making any kinds of soup..pumpkin cauliflower broccoli pea potato. put it in the soup!!!!!

favorite craft to do in your free time: !!!!! thank god its specified to craft!! i really like drawing on my tablet but i love love painting on canvases though thats sadly much more expensive for each piece but i just love getting a little crazy with it. when i was 11 i accidentally put a huge black spot on the carpet because the black paint overtook me. and this is niche but i love organizing scavenger hunts !! last time i put a wax seal hid it in one of the old books my grandparents gave me and pretended i just wanted to look at the pictures with the kids when oh!! an old burned looking letter adressed to THEM fell out!! what a surprise what a coincidence! sadly they got so excited one of them ended up falling and badly scraping her knee but after that we continued and i think they had lost of fun ❣️ putting that all together and making up all the riddles for the steps was really really fun

most niche dislike: hm. cars? is that niche? i dont like cars and i usually dont like being in one unless my mom is driving and i dont like highways...

opinion on circuses: i havent ever been to a circus 🤔 as long as the artists are properly paid and theres no animals getting mistreated (elephants and tigers and the like should not be traveling with circuses in small cages...if you want to put on a little dog show or whatever go for it but leave the elephants out of it) i see no problems with them and theyre probably really fun !

do you have a sense of direction? i think yes... not super perfect but if ive walked a path before i can retrace it no problem and being able to see the sun always helps. not good with the stars though 💔⭐️

im too shy to tag anyone!!!! if youve read this far and havent done this youre officially tagged by me 🥰❣️

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Hi i hope you are well?

I've been thinking quite a bit about some of the topics youve been talking about lately but havent had the energy to formulate thoughts on them myself. But i think ill speak about some of them now in seperate asks.

1/2 Harry talking about feeling free. I definitely get the feeling too that its more about what he wants rather than something he has. I think its a bit of projection on my part too but in some ways i relate a little bit with Harry in how he navigates his worries/fears and in particular that "fetus" Harry worry of being worried about not wanting to care about what people think of him. Thats a big worry for me too except im not at the same level as him in that i dont have to worry about the amount of people he does. I see his lack of engagement on social media and think of my own slowly distancing myself from social media for the most part too (except tumblr and even here i prefer not to be perceived) but then i also see that my goal is not about being a global rockstar and Harrys is even if i feel i have in common this caring about what people think of me even as a lot of times ill be saying i dont care. I do i just want to convince myself i dont. Anyway that aside it is interesting how Harry manages and presents himself. And finally i dont know why in aiw the lines about "Harry youre no good alone...what kind of pills are you on" hit me even though i havent ever taken pills or had alcohol (for religious reasons not that i dont think its something i wouldn't have otherwise or that im saying is wrong. Ive read your posts talking about alcohol and drugs and i agree) and even though i know its not the first time hes talking about drugs or alcohol as a coping mechanism or relating to his melancholy (i guess?). But i dont know maybe it was just this general feeling of the word alone and relating it to my own worst moments. Okay thats all i have to say on this topic.

Thanks for your thoughts anon - I'll split them in half, because they're really interesting.

I do think the way people identify with Harry is particularly revealing, because often they identify with the aspects he shares least about himself.

The public image of Harry is pretty untouchable. He's successful and confident in so many ways, and presents this image of someone who is willing to be himself and doesn't care what people think.

The fact that he does care desperately about what people think, but still manages to convince people that he doesn't care, and also that he's very interested and engaged with them, is absolutely fascinating. I was talking about this with Jen and she said it's his superpower, and she's right.

Because most people who care desperately what people think, either give off a whiff of desperation that people are then very quick to pick up (obviously this is something that comes through from Lima quite a lot) or over compensate and appear aloof. Harry has all the advantages of being very attuned to what people want from him and at the same time concealing his own desire.

And I think this is very interesting to think about how Harry navigates the world, but it is also interesting when it comes to the process of identification. Because I think people who identify with Harry tend to sense and share that desire to please.

It also makes sense that the 'you're no good alone' line hits hard. One thing I find really interesting about the AiW video is the way it offers a slightly different interpretation to the song. Certainly the video suggests that he grows past 'Harry you're no good alone', because in the last part of the video he is a good alone. (Also although he's alone in the frame when he sings "Harry you're no good alone" when the camera moves there are people around him).

[simpsiren]

Summer’s promise

xiaojun x reader

description. Your final moment with xiaojun at the beachside before the two of you go your separate ways. Or perhaps not.

genre. FLUFF, a bit emotional but bear with me im emotional rn <\3

word count. 2.9k~

warnings. nonee

a/n. i actually had a plot to this but realise that its not that good so ill limit it to this! its a very short and direct plot so cjdndn either way i hope you’ll enjoyyy

It’s three in the morning. Xiaojun had his fingers interlocked with yours as your hands met unintentionally at the back. You lean back while Xiaojun had his body forward. You rest your head on his shoulder, snuggling up in the crook of his neck while you find a comfortable spot. Eventually you did, breathing in to take in his scent.

The cold breeze touches your skin. Sounds of the waves crashing against the rocks you and Xiaojun are sitting on. You allow your legs to dangle freely on the edge. The night sky really setting the tone and atmosphere right just for the two of you.

“I don’t want to leave.” You mutter, lips brushing against his skin ever so lightly.

“You have to, love. Get back to your life in the city.” Xiaojun breathes out. Once again he calls you by the nickname love. A nickname you have grown to get too comfortable with in the short span of three months during your stay here.

“You know I’ll miss you.” You look up at him, your action causing to tilt his head down. Your eyes meet. His gaze staring into yours. It just feel so right, so perfect. To have you with him on a chilly night. For once, time has frozen for the two of you. You take in the moment quickly before it fades away.

“I said we’ll meet some day, didn’t i?” Xiaojun brings his free hand up to tuck a few strands behind your ear, you feel his chest moving up and down calmly as he tilts his head, taking a moment to admire every inch of your face.

You scoff, the side of your lip lifting up into a small smirk. “Uhuh. But you said to let fate do that for us.” You blurt out.

“Yes I did. And if fate doesn’t want us to happen, I’ll fuck it and find my own way to you. I just thought it’ll be a beautiful way to meet each other again.”

“Sending postcards of the cities we’re in? I’ll be in another country, Dejun. Still can’t get used to the idea but I somewhat see the beauty in that.”

Xiaojun chuckles softly. Oh the chuckle. No matter how many times you’ve heard it, it really still makes you feel some type of way.

His hand slowly creeps down to your waist, pulling you in closer to him. You lift a hand, you didn’t know where to put it. You just want to touch him. Absentmindedly, it arrives at his hair, threading your fingers through his soft and fluffy locks. Maybe that’s why your hand went there. To feel it for one last time before you leave.

“I want to stay here. With you. With your run-down, aesthetically pleasing tiny bookstore. I want to have you reading me poems. Or any book, huddled up in one corner while you read till I fall asleep in your arms.”

You let out a gloomy sigh, making Xiaojun put on a frown. You frown back, leaning in to give a quick peck on his nose to make him smile. And it worked. As it always did. And as it always should.

“What’s the time duration of letting fate bring us together again?”

Xiaojun purses his lips into a thin line, the gears in his head turning immensely as he tries coming up with an answer. “That’s for fate to decide too.”

You furrow your eyes, skeptical at his answer. “This summer... Has been the best one yet for me.”

“I’m thankful I agreed to Lucas inviting me here. I wouldn’t have met you otherwise.” You let out. The two of you stare into the blankness ahead of you, admiring the sight of the moonlight reflecting on the sea, giving it a beautiful glow.

“Promise you won’t forget me? Whatever we did during this summer. Don’t forget a single detail.” You start off.

Xiaojun raises both his eyebrows, allowing you to continue.

“No matter how long it takes for us to see each other. No matter where our life takes us. Whatever that’s going to happen in the future. Promise me you won’t forget what we had here.”

Xiaojun leans in and places a loving kiss on the crown of your head. He stays there, prolonging the kiss.

“I promise. It’s not an empty one, don’t worry. Like I said, if fate won’t allow it, I’ll still find my way to you regardless.” Xiaojun reassures you, his lips still touching your hair. He finally pulls away, wrapping an arm around your shoulders while yours creep to wrap around his torso.

And that’s the last time you saw Xiaojun. You stayed there till five, knowing you have to go back and pack your things before leaving.

You thought about what he said. Fate. He keeps mentioning it. But to be honest, you didn’t believe in it. Anything can happen during the time the two of you are apart. How long will it take for fate to bring you two together? Will he even remember you by then?

He promised but again, anything can happen. You were unsure and uncertainty clouded your thoughts throughout. You were scared, but you had to trust him. You had to believe. Xiaojun will come back to you.

Four years. You’ve been waiting for four years. The only thing that reminds you of him is the ring bought you. Cheap, but holds a deep meaning you can barely hold onto anymore. Your fingers fiddled with the ring for a moment.

“_____!” Lucas calls out. You quickly put your hands down and clasp them behind your back. “Yeah?”

“My friend’s having a wedding this weekend. Was thinking of inviting you.” You pucker your lips, looking up to think before tilting your head back to Lucas, nodding your head.

“Sure, why not?” You reply with a light shrug.

“Don’t forget to bring a date.”

Your eyes narrows as you cock up a brow. “We need a date to a wedding?” You huff out, scoffing lightly after.

Lucas hums and nods his head eagerly. “Duh! Plus, the wedding will be at some grand place since he’s rich. Lucky him.” Lucas says boringly with a glare.

“Yeah. Pretty sure he got that money from illegal racing.” You let out a ‘tsk’, shaking your head and acting disappointed.

“Uh no it’s legal, dumb.” Lucas retorts. “Anyways just ask someone from your work place. Oh maybe that YangYang? You’re close with him, aren’t you?”

You bit the inside of your cheek. “Yeah.” You blurt out. Lucas smiles and walks towards you, placing a hand on your shoulder and patting it once. “I’ll text you the details.”

“You better keep your promise.” Yangyang bores you. The two of you are sitting down at a corner, watching the other people that were invited being social. Something the two of you have in common despite not relly liking each other that much.

You groan, placing your glass of alcohol on the table. “Yes, Yangyang. I’ll get you your damn cupcakes.” You growl. Yangyang chuckles, letting out a sigh after.

“Thanks.” He whispers. You let out a ‘tsk’ while throwing him a glare.

The two of you didn’t talk much. You had nothing to talk about either. It has just been comfortable silence between you two for the past two hours. You would heard bits and pieces of stranger’s conversation. That’s how bored you were.

You suddenly see Lucas running up to you, looking completely frantic. You shot up from your seat and catch Lucas in your arms. He stands up straight and catches his breathing. “He’s here.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Who? The groom?” You ask, tiptoeing to see across the crown if the groom has arrived. Lucas gapes his mouth open with furrowed eyes. “No, idiot!”

“I don’t know how, but he’s here. Your little beach boy.”

You give an even more skeptical look, making Lucas groan and grab your arms. “He’s fucking here after four years and you’re giving me that face?!”

“Yeah because I highly doubt you saw him. He’s literally countries away. I think you’re being delusional.”

Lucas shakes your body vigorously, making you scream and asking him to get off of you. He finally does, looking extremely frustrated with you. “Bitch I’m not kidding. He’s by the dessert area with some guys.”

You snort, laughing slightly after as the alcohol starts to seep into your weak system. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll believe it sure.”

“Is she already fucking drunk?” Lucas turns to YangYang, who was staring at a fixated spot in the venue till he was called. “She drank a bit yeah.” Lucas places a palm on his forehead.

“Chill, I didn’t drink. I’ll take care of her.” YangYang deadpans. Lucas lets out a disappointing sigh. “Well whatever. See you around man.” Lucas waves a lazy hand at YangYang. He didn’t even bother to wave back, turning his attention to you who had your body slouched forward while leaning against the table with your chin resting on the palm of your hand.

During the wedding, you weren’t paying attention to anything. The event, your surroundings. Nothing. Instead, you are constantly stealing a glass every time a waiter or waitress walks by. The moment they take your empty glass away, you take another one. Surprisingly, you got drunk . Very drunk. And very quickly as well.

You didn’t even know why you suddenly want to get drunk. You know yourself well enough to know that you would be dizzy by two drinks. You’re now on your fifth.

You stand up, wanting to go to the toilet. Losing your balance, you trip, causing YangYang to immediately hold you by your torso. You grab onto his arm, gulping before shaking your head. “I can go myself.”

“Where are you going?” Yangyang asks softly. “I need to pee.” You whine, pushing YangYang off you and slowly head there, clearly staggering and having YangYang help you along the way.

“Okay. I’ll be waiting outside. Don’t take too long.” YangYang shouts out while you go into the toilet, hands placed on the wall constantly throughout your trip in and out.

It didn’t take you long luckily. You thought you had to vomit but it turns out you didn’t.

“Oi. Xiao Dejun.” YangYang turns his head to you, his body leaning against the wall and folding his arms. He stands up straight, tilting his head and wondering if you’re referring to him.

You run up to him, wrapping your arms around your waist. You giggle for a moment before changing your expression to an angry one. YangYang wasn’t sure of how to react, he’s never seen you drunk before.

“Fuck you. It’s been four years. Where are you?” You whine, constantly punching on his chest with a balled fist. YangYang blinks his eyes in confusion while multiple eyes glance at you as they pass by thr toilet. YangYang clears his throat, lightly tapping your back as a signal to get off him. Obviously it’s not working.

“Dejun~ You little shit...” You mumble to yourself. You eventually allow your body to fall against YangYang’s, having him to catch you and hold you steadily while you dug your face into his chest.

“Get off her.” You suddenly hear a voice. You couldn’t make out where you’ve heard it from. It’s like the voice from a distant and clouded memory. You try squeezing your brain for information, constantly asking yourself where you’ve heard it before, but you blacked out almost immediately after hearing YangYang reply with a, “Who are you to tell me that?”

You wake up with your head banging, the world spinning as you have a bad headache. Wincing, you put your hands on your head, massaging to try reducing the pain. On top of you being a lightweight, you have terrible hangovers as well.

Fuck. You thought to yourself. It took awhile to get back to your senses, noticing how you’re in an unfamiliar place. Looking around, you’re on a bed. Large, comfortable and soft. The room looks plain, and you didn’t know where you are.

Did you have a one night stand last night?

As soon as the thought came to your mind, you look under the covers. You heave a sigh of relief, seeing that you still had your dress on.

You try getting out of bed, instantly plopping back down as your head starts to spin again. You whine, turning your body to the side as you dig your head into the pillow. You were so desperate in trying to do anything to stop it.

“Here’s some hangover soup.” You heard it again. The voice. The only thing you remembered from last night.

You hear the door open. Your eyes trail from the sheets, slowly but surely looking up to meet the gaze of him.

You squint your eyes. Your vision’s extremely blurry. Rubbing your eyes to get a clearer view, you are finally able to see the face in front of you. The sight makes you widen your eyes in shock. You move your body back quickly, your head hitting the headboard of the bed and making you wince in pain.

You hear him chuckle.

There’s no way.

“Dejun?” You mumble, eyes narrowed and brows furrowed in confusion.

He clicks his tongue, nodding. “Still a klutz after all these years.” You hear him say as he makes his way to you, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Wait. I’m not hallucinating? Fuck is it my hangover?” You scratch your head, still refusing to believe the sight in front of you is real.

After four years, he suddenly shows up with you in his bed. Xiaojun is here.

He lets out a quiet sigh. “I was at the wedding last night.” He explains, reaching out to put the soup on the side table before turning to you and crossing hus legs.

“How did you...”

“Some friend invited me.”

You kept silent, wanting to take a good look at his face. He still has it. His handsomeness. Sharp features that could kill like a knife. Hair perfectly wet, still jet black like how it was before. He didn’t change in terms of appearance. Or maybe perhaps to looks a thousand times better now that you’ve seen him after so long.

“How did you find me...?” You stutter. “Four years. It took your four fucking years.” You croak, suddenly letting your emotions fill your mind. You gulp and take in deep breaths, wanting to stop yourself from crying. Too late.

A single drop of tear rolls down your cheek. Your eyes welling up and about to overflow in seconds. Xiaojun wastes no time to pull you into his embrace, arms wrapping around you and holding you close.

This feeling. The comfort, the way he touches you. The feeling you get from this. It all comes back to you. It’s true that you remembered everything from last summer. But to have them resurface just from his single touch after being shoved deep in the back of the head.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I took so long, love.” The nickname. Another thing that makes you cry even more. You hug him tightly, hands gripping onto his black sweater as it slowly gets wet from your tears.

“How did you find me?” You ask again, looking up at him, indulging yourself in his eyes that look down on you filled with love and care.

Xiaojun frowns. “You sent me postcards from different cities. Every time I went there, you’d be gone and to another one. You don’t know how frustrating it was...”

You bit the inside of your cheek. Absentmindedly bringing your hand up from his waist and to his neck, drawing circles on it. “I traveled a lot. To get you off my mind. But I realise I always had to send you something. Something to hope that you’ll still remember be.”

“You said to let fate decide.”

Xiaojun lets out a low chuckle, one that makes a shiver being sent down your spine as you feel his chest moving from it.

“I waited for a year. But I couldn’t handle not seeing you. You didn’t start sending postcards till the second year. So I instantly started looking for you.”

His hand swiftly goes down to yours, his fingers trailing down your skin. Again, his touch, is everything to you. You suddenly feel alive. Even your headache went away miraculously.

“My ring...” Xiaojun mumbles under his breath, his thumb caressing it slowly. You hum. “I took it off for awhile actually. I didn’t think I’d see you again cause’ I thought... After our summer, we’d be nothing but ancient history.”

Xiaojun frowns deeply, making you pout. “Meanie. I told you I don’t keep empty promises.”

You lean in close to his face, so close that your noses were touching. “I’m sorry, I was scared. About the fact that three months wouldn’t mean anything to you.”

Xiaojun presses his forehead against yours gently, his action making you gulp while holding your hands and interlocking his fingers with yours.

“You mean a lot to me. The three months was short, yes. But the things we did there, you know I can never forget it.”

Xiaojun leans in more, this time to the point where his lips brushed yours while he speak.

You close your eyes for a moment. “I missed you.” You whisper, soft but sincere.

“I missed you more, love.”

[junghosunshine]

Shut In

pairing: Kim Taehyung X reader

word count: 4k+

summary: Without a place to stay after you are kicked out of your dorm amidst the Coronavirus outbreak, you have no choice but to stay with Kim Taehyung (the son of one of your moms friends whom you have never met). You worry that it will be awkward but you are pleasantly surprised by the bond you end up forming with the overly welcoming man.

warnings: Smut, Fluff, overprotective, slightly dom!tae, mentions of covid19 and quarantine, age gap (5 years), unprotected sex (please use protection guys) 

notes: This was written to calm me down while being stuck in my house in no way am I trying to offend anyone. Please go easy on me i’m sensitive :)

_______________________________________________________________________

You should probably be thankful that you have somewhere to stay during quarantine but at this particular moment you were dreading the next few weeks.

“Mom, why can’t I just stay in a hotel?” You asked over the phone. You knew you were being irrational and that this was much better than paying a hundred dollars a night (even if you would feel much more comfortable). Ever since your classes had been canceled, you had been living in the dorms at your college but they had begun to kick students out. Going to school overseas seemed like such a fun idea, and it probably would have been, but because you were in another country during the corona virus outbreak, there was no way you could get home especially with the travel restrictions. You had called your mom sobbing, worried that you would be homeless through the pandemic in a country you barely knew. Luckily, within an hour your mom had reached out to one of her friends who had a son living in Seoul and you suddenly had a place to stay. “Mom, that is going to be so weird. I don’t know him and now I’m going to live with him. Alone. For who knows how long?!”

“Y/N, I’m not paying money for you to stay in a hotel when there is a perfectly good, free place for you to stay. This is the only option.”

You gave in knowing your arguments were useless against this woman. You just wanted to go home and see your family and to be honest you were scared at how big this whole thing had become.

“Okay. Stay safe mom. Love you.”

“I love you too sweetie. Be careful and make sure you thank Taehyung for giving up his space.”

After you hung up with your mom you felt a bit empty. This much change in only a few days was a lot to take in and processing it all was near impossible. ‘Its going to be okay’ you told yourself.Your had mom told you that Taehyung was 24 and she had seen him a few times when he had just been born but didn’t know much about him other than that he apparently worked as a graphic designer for a popular art company. She had gone to college with his mom and they had been very close until mom moved to the US after college. Regardless of your mom’s connection, it felt awkward to be moving into some complete stranger’s space.

——————————————————————————————————————————

Pulling up the email your mom had sent you, you found the address to Taehyung’s house and his phone number. Sighing, you forced yourself to send him a text to let him know you were coming to his place.

To: XXX-XXX-XXXX

iMessage: Hi, this is Y/N… my mom just sent me your address. I should be there in about an hour. Thanks for letting me stay with you.

You put your phone back in your pocket and gathered you bags. Struggling to stand upright you wobbled out of your dorm and made your way to the subway.

Thanks to the virus the subway was not crowded and you had a place to rest all of your stuff. Once you sat down your phone vibrated and you pulled it out to see a response from Taehyung.

iMessage: Y/N, it is my pleasure! My mom told me to treat you well since you are her best friend’s daughter. Ill see you soon!

He was sweet. You felt yourself relax a bit. Maybe it wouldn’t be as awkward as you had thought it would be. You certainly hoped you were right otherwise this was going to be the most uncomfortable period of time you have ever experienced.

Once you were off the subway you lugged your bags up to the street level. Looking around your confidence wavered a bit. You had only been living in Korea for the last few months for college and while you went out a lot but you rarely ventured outside of the college area. The fact that there was no one outside made it even harder because you couldn’t ask anyone for directions. Oh no, there was no way you were going to find his building. You typed the address into Maps and attempted to both hold all of your stuff and navigate.

You were having very little luck and you were afraid your phone was going to die if you continued like this. As you stopped to calm yourself down, your phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Y/N?”

“Oh hi, is this Taehyung?”

“Yeah, Im just calling to make sure you’re okay. You said you’d be here in an hour two hours ago and my mom would kill me if anything happened to you.”

“Oh… Uh…” As much as you didn’t want to cry you couldn’t help yourself. It had been a long few days and the fact that you couldn’t even navigate was infuriating. “Im a little lost.” You managed to say through tears.

“Are there any restaurants or stores near you?” He asked. Looking around you found you were next to a pet store.

“There is pet store near me and I’m right across from a park.”

You heard shuffling from his end of the line. “Okay,” He said finally. “Wait there I’m coming to get you.”

——————————————————————————————————————————

Exhausted, you sank to the ground and rested your head on your knees. It was embarrassing that Taehyung had to go out of his way to find you before you had even met him. He probably thought you were incompetent. And it was even worse that there was an outbreak going on.

Only a few minutes had passed when a black Hyundai pulled up next to you. A guy got out and walked toward you.

“Y/N?” You looked up at him as he came to a stop above you. You nodded and embarrassed yourself by pouting a little. Something you did at home when you were sad or angry. You noticed immediately how striking he was with dark hair that fell into his eyes. He was distractingly handsome and as you stood up, you noticed, very tall as well. Taehyung smiled warmly and reached for your bags. “Go sit in the car, i'll load these in the back.” You complied grateful that he didn’t seem upset with you. He loaded your bags into the trunk and returned to the drivers seat.

“Im Tae by the way.” You took his extended hand.

“I am so sorry for inconveniencing you like this especially now. I promise i’ll make it up to you. I’m not usually this helpless.” Taehyung chuckled. “No problem. I’m glad I had an excuse to go out one last time before the lockdown.” You blushed at his kindness and were relieved when he began to drive.

Taehyung’s apartment was very clean and well decorated. You could immediately tell he was into art as his walls were covered in it. It was an open concept and the living room was only separated from the kitchen by a large kitchen island. He led you across the flat to a door on the far side, opening it to a small bedroom. It looked as if it had never been used and it smelled very clean. There was a large window overlooking the city and you gasped at how pretty it was.

“I’m glad I finally have someone here to use the guest bedroom. It was getting kinda lonely here.” It was shocking how welcoming he was considering you were dumped on him at the last possible moment.

“Thank you so much.” You walked in and he helped place your bags on the bed before leaving you to unpack.

That night, He made you dinner. It was so odd since it had been months since you’d eaten like a normal human. College life was certainly not luxurious. He waited for you to take the first bite and hum with pleasure before he was satisfied enough to eat.

“So, you were attending college here.”  He said. You nodded. “Yeah I’m in my second year at Yonsei. Er- was.”

“This virus is kinda fucking things up isn’t it?”

“Yeah, Im kinda pissed off that I can’t even see my family during it.” Taehyung nodded. “Well I’m lucky that you are keeping me company right now.” You coughed and he watched amusedly as you tried to cover up your awkwardness by taking a sip of water.

“How old are you?” He asked you. “Nineteen.” You replied. He smiled a secret smile before taking another bite of his food.

“Thank you so much for dinner.” You said when you had both finished. He shrugged like it was nothing. “Im happy to do it.”

You tried to help him with dishes but he insisted that you get some rest after your long day.

——————————————————————————————————————————

Usually you woke up around seven the morning so that you could get started on the day but with nothing to do, it seemed a bit unnecessary. Still, your internal clock was hard to reset so despite your empty schedule, you were up. You assumed that Taehyung was probably asleep so you made your way into the kitchen and put on some hot water for tea. This was a ritual of yours. That you had been taught by your mother.

Unconsciously you began humming and you didn’t notice that Taehyung had exited his bedroom or that he was standing shirtless at the kitchen island smiling as he watched you work. You looked cute with your little shorts and oversized t-shirt he was going to have a hard time not thinking about that all day. Turning, you let out a yelp when you saw him, spilling hot tea on your had and causing the mug to break on the ground.

Taehyung immediately rushed over to you and grabbed your wrist before you could pick up any of the pieces of ceramic. “Are you hurt?” The way he looked at you with so much concern made your cheeks flush.

“No, I’m fine, I just got a little surprised.” He chuckled and continued to hold your wrist “Sorry, I didn’t want to disturb you, you looked like you were meditating.”

You tried to pick up the pieces again but he stoped you. “I’ll get it, let’s treat your burn first.” He led you to the bathroom and sat you. on the edge of the tub. Rummaging through the medicine cabinet he found some gauze. You cringed a bit. “Taehyung, it’s not that serious, it’s just a little red that’s all.” Taehyung shook his head. “Better to be safe than sorry. Give me your hand.” You were a bit too happy to have him hold your hand as he ran it under cold water. He was so careful and the way he touched you made you want him to never stop. He dried your hand before wrapping it with gauze, clearly pleased with his work. “There!” He smiled. “Good as new.”

“Thank you.” You laughed and the two of you locked eyes. With him looking at you, you suddenly became hyper aware of his bare chest. He wasn’t super buff but he was lean and toned. He looked very strong and it was hard to look away but you made yourself.

For the next few days, you continued to get up early and make tea, careful not to drop it again.

It was getting really fucking hard for Taehyung to not look at you. It seemed like the only thing you owned were little shorts and huge ass t-shirts. Every time he saw you he wanted to push you against a wall and destroy you. Taehyung had take showers very frequently because of you.

——————————————————————————————————————————

Quarantine was not the most fun and besides meal time, you and Taehyung had not interacted very much. He was very sweet and funny but you were too shy to ask him to hang out.

He must have been going stir crazy too because eventually there was a knock on your door.

“Come in.” You said. Taehyung slowly opened the door. He was wearing sweats and a dark blue sweatshirt. It was annoying that he looked good in even the lumpiest clothes.

“Hey, Im really fucking bored out here can you come watch a movie with me.”

“Sure.” You followed him out to the living room “What movie?” “Im not sure.” He said sitting down. “What do you like to watch?”

You shrugged, to be honest you. Weren’t really a movie person. You. Spent a lot of time listening to music and reading but movies weren’t something you did too often. Being away from your family was making you a bit nostalgic and you recalled movies you watched with them.

“When I was little I really liked Howls Moving Castle.” Taehyung raised an eyebrow at you. “Out of every movie you want to watch a cartoon?” He asked.

“What?!” You giggled. “Howl was like my dream guy when I was younger.” You looked at him as earnestly as you could. “Please can we watch it. I really want to now.” He sighed dramatically but didn’t object.

Once it started you were immediately spellbound. You had forgotten how beautiful Miyazaki movies were. At one point without thinking you said “Howl kind of reminds me of you.” Taehyung looked at you but you were too entranced to notice. His eyes roamed the curves of your face and made their way down your neck, to your shoulder which was bare as your huge shirt slipped off of it. He cleared his throat and returned to watching the movie. There was no way he would let himself think about you. That wasn’t fair to you at all.

Yo had forgotten how sad and intense Miyazaki movies got and you hated when there was conflict in stories. A couple of times you reached out for tae’s arm and he let you. He hated how much he liked the feeling that you needed him there. After your fourth time grabbing onto him, He took your hand and laced his fingers through yours. He watched you register this and look at him. Your eyes were so big and innocent. God, he wanted to ruin you. You smiled at him and continued to watch the rest of the movie. He stopped himself from doing anything stupid. He couldn’t help but be a little disappointed when the film was over and you released his hand. “Thanks for watching with me.” He said. You nodded “Thanks for letting me choose the movie, I forgot how much I loved it.”

There was a silence as he looked at you in the now dark living room. You let him allowing yourself to observe him as well.

“Y/N.” Taehyung’s gaze was filled with a sudden intensity. It scared you a little.

“Yes?” Taehyung pulled you into his arms and buried his head in your hair breathing you in. “I would be so goddamn lonely if you weren’t here.” He said his voice a bit muffled. You were taken aback by his sudden affection that it took you a moment to return it. You gently wrapped your arms around his neck. He smelled so good it was hard for you to think about letting go. Lucky for you Taehyung didn’t. He stayed like that for a long time, so long that you fell asleep and then he fell asleep.

The next morning you woke up still wrapped around each other. He was observing you when you opened your eyes and grinned when he noticed you had woken up.

“Good morning.” You felt a bit awkward that you had ended up in this situation.

“Morning.” You replied avoiding is stare. Taehyung only released you when he was worried you’d be able to feel him. When you finally untangled your limbs from his, he rushed to the shower.

——————————————————————————————————————————

You had started to notice the Tae had become very touchy with you. Not that you were complaining, you loved it. You were definitely starting to develop a crush on him and as much as you hated to admit it you were definitely flirting with him. If you were cooking he would find ways to pass behind you and touch your waist. At the dinner table he began to sit next to you and would knock his knee against yours. He’d even started to put his arm around you when you watched movies which had become a very frequent thing. Regardless of how much you enjoyed his touches you decided not to put too much weight behind it. Tae was like an older brother and in this short time you had been living together, he looked after you. You refused to get his affection confused with attraction.

“Hey, my mom just sent an old picture of her and your mom in college.” Tae called from the living room. You ran out to see jumping on the couch next to him and looking over his shoulder.  You immediately recognize your mom which made you miss her a lot. The woman next to her in the picture looked like she had just stepped off a runway, you could see where Tae had gotten his good looks.

“Wow, She’s beautiful you look so much like her.” You said. He leaned back into your lab and looked up at you grinning. “Y/N, are you calling me beautiful?” You choked on the air. “No! Um, er- you are beautiful, but- I wasn’t..” Tae turned towards you and poked your nose. “You’re so cute.” You felt yourself turn completely red.

“Im not cute.” You mumbled, punching him in the shoulder.

“You are ridiculously cute. It’s almost too much.” You found yourself pouting again and you crossed your arms. Reached up and pulled your face towards him. “See? Thats cute. If you keep doing that I’m not going to be able to stop myself from doing bad things to you.”

You found yourself at a loss for words. Tae rand is thumb over your bottom lip before laughing. Anger overwhelmed you. “You’re an asshole!” You shoved him away from you. He continued to laugh “Oh yeah? Am I?” He tickled your side and you shrieked jumping off the couch and running away from him. He chased you around the apartment and when he caught up to you he threw you over his shoulder. “Tae!” You giggled. He threw you onto the couch and plopped down next to you. “Don’t deny who you are.”

“Shut up.”

——————————————————————————————————————————

Tae picked the movie tonight. It was the notebook and apparently he was a huge fan of Rachel McAdams. You didn’t blame him, she was very pretty but you did feel weirdly jealous. You noticed he didn’t put his arm around you like he normally did which kinda disappointed you. You wondered if he was mad at you which made it hard for you relax. You sat with your arms wrapped around your legs. In your head you started to go through everything you had done during the day that could have upset him but you weren’t finding anything he had seemed happy all day which is why it was weird that he wasn’t acting like he usually did. You were about to start crying until you felt him touching your thigh. He looked like he didn’t know he was doing it as he continued to watch the movie.You couldn’t focus at all, his touches felt so good and you closed your eyes accidentally sighing with pleasure. You felt his hand travel closer to the line of your shorts until they ghosted over your core. Taken aback you looked at tae, worried that he was unaware of what he was doing but he was looking right at you now, his eyes full of something dark and wild. He pulled you closer to him and applied more pressure which made you moan more and you leaned your head against his chest. His other hand caressed your head. “You are so pretty.” He mumbled. “You have no idea how much I want to ruin you.” As he rubbed harder you could feel yourself building up to something you bit your lip and felt your hips roll against his hand. “Do you like that?” Taehyung asked

“Mhmn.” Was the most you could say. “Do you want to come?” You nodded but tae wasn’t satisfied. “I asked if you want to come.” He said.

“Yes! I want to come!” You shouted and almost instantly you felt yourself reach the edge. He continued to move his hand against you as you shook. “Oh my god.”You exhaled. Once you came down from your high you couldn’t bare to look at him and kept your head buried in his shirt. He kissed your hair and then your forehead, your eyes cheeks, nose, before making his way to your lips. It was soft and too brief you almost felt like it hadn’t happened. But he didn’t offer anything more. He got off the couch and walked to the bathroom. You heard him start the shower and you fell asleep before he opened the door again.

——————————————————————————————————————————

It had been three days since whatever happened between you two had happened. You weren’t sure what to call it just as much as you weren’t sure what it meant. You were so confused and too afraid to ask him. Tae seemed just as goofy as he always was which was a relief though he didn’t touch you as much. In fact you had tried to hug him earlier and you could swear you saw him flinch. This was infuriating! He was the one who has initiated the whole thing and now he wasn’t even going to acknowledge it. There was no way you were letting him get away with this. If he was going to make you mad then you were going to mess with him.

“Hey Y/N I’m bored come play cards with me.”

You were sitting in your room reading. You smiled to yourself as you ignored his request.

“Y/N?” Again no response. You. Could hear him walking to your room. He stood in the doorway looking at you.

“Y/N, did you hear me?” You put on your most innocent face before looking at him. “No, did you call me?” He scratched his head clearly confused before sighing. “No, never mind.” You stuck your tongue out at him when he walked away.

When he made dinner that night you told him you had already eaten. “When?” He asked. You shrugged, “I had some crackers earlier and I’m full.”  You could tell that he was getting frustrated. But he still didn’t ask you what was going on.

You didn’t watch a movie that night but you hadn’t in three days so it wasn’t that weird. When  He closed his bedroom door you waited an hour before leaving your room and slipping into his. He was definitely asleep when you got under the covers. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and you were pleased when he moved to wrap his arms around you groaning into you.

——————————————————————————————————————————

In the morning he was not in the room and the door was opened. You got up and found him at the island waiting for you. You liked the way he looked in the morning his har disheveled hid voice incredibly deep.

“Y/N.” He spoke. You shivered at the way he said it. He was angry and it was very hot.

“Tae.” You responded. He shook his head at you and you went on pretending to be oblivious.

“Can you make me pancakes?” You asked sweetly. “‘Im, hungry.” You opened one of the cabinets and got a glass for water. Before you could open the fridge Tae moved grabbed you and pushed you against the counter placing a hand on either side of you.

“Y/N, why are you doing this to me?” Although you were a bit shocked you forced yourself to continue the act. “Doing what Tae, I just asked for pancakes.” Then he actually growled, leaning his head onto your shoulder. You felt blood rush to your core you were so turned on. “Goddamn it, Y/N. I keep convincing myself that this is a bad idea but you keep doing things that make me want to teach you a lesson.”

“Then teach me.” You say. He lifted his head from your shoulder and looked into your eyes. The darkness had returned and his eyes seemed heavy as he looked down at your lips. Suddenly he was devouring you. This kiss was nothing like the ghost one from before. This one felt like he was trying to suck all of the life out of you. And it was working. Your knees went weak and you had to hold onto his shoulders to help yourself stay upright. He slipped his tongue into your mouth and you moaned into him. He tasted so good and just as you felt like he was giving himself to you he pulled away. You whined. “Y/N, tell me what you want.” You rolled your eyes and he gripped your face with his hands. “Tell me what you want.”

“I want you.” He kissed you smiling against your mouth. “Where do you want me?”

“Everywhere.” You moved his hands to your breasts and he quickly lifted up your shirt to reveal your breasts.

“Holy fuck I can’t believe you slept next to me like this.” He moved his mouth down your neck before latching onto you nipple and sucking hard.

“Oh my god.” You ran your fingers though his hair. Tae slipped his fingers down to the waistline of your shorts and you let him pull them down along with your underwear. “Such a pretty little cunt.” He said before slapping it making you gasp. He turned you around and licked your folds your eyes rolling back. He began to suck on your clit and you lost it. “Fuck, oh my god! Yes!” Without warning tae pushed you to the ground and stood up you could see the bulge that had formed in his sweats. He placed your hand over it and rolled his head back while you massaged it. Then he pulled down his sweats to reveal a very large very erect cock. You swallowed and looked up at him. ‘Fuck, Y/N you have no idea how pure you look. I can’t wait to fucking ruin you.” Grabbing onto your hair he pushed his dick into your mouth. “Good girl.” He said gently. Tae watched as you tried not to choke on him. “You're doing so good.” He began to buck his hips into you and you gagged on him getting saliva all over his length. When you almost couldn’t take it he pulled out and picked you up placing you on the counter.

“Are you ready for me baby?” He asked and you nodded. He didn’t move. “I need an answer.”

“Yes, Please fuck me.” You beg. And then the pushed into you stretching you out so much you stoped breathing for a second. But as he pulled out you immediately wanted him back inside. Tae grabbed your neck. “I want you to look at me when I’m fucking you.” He pounded into you and when he thrusted at just the right angle your eyes started to water but you kept looking at him. “You feel so fucking good, Y/N. I’ve thought about this so much and you are even tighter than I expected.” The lack of oxygen was heightening your pleasure and you started to feel your orgasm coming on. “Im going to come!” You screamed. He pounded into you harder. “Not yet baby, Not until I say so.” You bit your lip in an effort to hold it back but your vision blurred and there was no stopping it. Tae kept thrusting as you rode it out and as you squeezed around him he reached his climax. He pulled out and his juices poured out of you. He wrapped his arms around you and hugged you for a long time. After some time he picked you up and carried you to the bathroom. He turned on the shower and pulled you inside. As the water ran he took your face in his hards and kissed you softly. He kissed your shoulders and your breasts. He knelt kissing your stomach, thighs, knees and feet. You grabbed his face and pulled him back up into your lips. He felt safe and secure. You let him wash your body and he let you wash his. Finally he stepped out of the shower and dried off before opening the bathroom door.

“Where are you going?” You asked him.

“To make you pancakes.”

[askteacupfollie]

Hanahaki Disease

For the last few days Camilla and cuphead had noticed that mugman was coughing a lot and had chest pains..

He would excuse himself and go to the bathroom where he would  vomit.. Red petals along with blood… He searched and from the symptoms he found out he had the hanahaki disease…

Hanahaki disease “those who suffer, their love is one sided” … Mugman loved camilla.. He didn’t know if she loved him back.. She’s been giving more attention to cuphead.. a few tears ran down his ocean blue eyes..

He laid down and cried himself to sleep..he didn’t want to die.. He loved her.. He didn’t want to leave his brother alone there were many things he wanted to do.. As he cried he fell asleep.. His tears on the pillow and some on his eyes.. Slowly running down his pale face. 

Cuphead and camilla grew concerned.. They were in the kitchen talking.. They heard mugman slam the door and coughing.. That tickling sensation in his neck was annoying.. Very.. Annoying.. He coughed.. How he wished that Camilla will confess her love to him and end the suffering…but…

No.. No.. He HAD TO SUFFER… Red gold petals fell on his hands. He coughed a little more than usual his chest hurt the coughing was so strong he could feel his lungs tremble he could feel the damned flowers tickling his neck and chest.. More petals fell upon his hands he  held his chest because it hurt..it..it..hurt…. The pain.. Unbearable.. And his heart? Broken. 

Cuphead and camilla who were listening.. flinched  everytime he coughed it sounded so painful and cuphead was sick of waiting he wanted to help yes.. He played it tough but deep down he loved his brother, he was caring not heartless .. He heard mugman coughing harder this time and Had enough.. 

Cuphead got up and told Camilla “stay here cam” he ascended the stairs and saw mugman leaving the bathroom..

Taking a closer look he saw his brother’s condition.. He was a mess.. when was the last time he had a good night sleep.. He had black circles under his eyes.. He was thinner.. Was he eating? Was he suffering and they were to blind to notice? Was he sick? What the actual heck was going on?! 

He took a deep breath and asked him

“Allright mugs.. That settles it.. Tell me.. Whats wrong..” he crossed  his hands in front of his chest and raising his eyebrow..

Mugman said nothing. 

Cuphead grew impatient with Mugman’s silence.. He patted his leg impatiently.. “Well?!” he tried again.. Again he was met with Mugman’s silence .. “ANSWER ME!” he yelled and mugman flinched.. 

Seeing this Cuphead’s angry expression became softer he walked closer and put his hand  on his brother’s shoulder and said “Talk to me mugs.. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.. What’s wrong..” his face no longer angry but sympathetic, soft, caring. 

Mugman looked at him  and sighed  “Come to my room.. And i will explain..” he walked in his bedroom..

Cuphead followed.. He had a feeling that something bad.. Was going to happen… His stomach clenched his heart heavy he felt a cold hand squeezing it! 

Mugman sat on bed holding a folder inside there was this illness.. He patted the spot next to him.. Cuphead reluctantly sat down and he saw mugman handing him the folder.. He took it and read it..

Hanahaki disease the sufferer will die if his love isn’t returned… In order to cure the hanahaki disease your love shall be returned.. If not the victim will die of suffocation.. Flowers will grew from his chest and crawl all the way up to the neck.. Suffocating the victim.. Another way is to remove them via surgery.. But.. All the love for this person will be gone… Nothing but hate and apathy will exist..

Cuphead stopped reading “is this a kind of prank.. Because.. If so.. I don’t like.. It.. Mugs..” he said he was shaking his hands trembling and sweating.. Mugman looked at him tears ran down his face.. “no.. Cups… It isn’t a prank..” He said and held his chest he coughed and red petals fell on his hands…

Cuphead was scared. No. Petrified.. Why? Was he coughing red roses petals…? Am… Am i gonna lose my little brother? No.. No..

No! NO NO NONONONO!!.. He had to be joking.. 

He ran and rubbed his back…he fell on his knees coughing harder more red petals fell.. 

“Mugs? Does camilla know?”

He shook his head no and said that he doesn’t know how to tell her.. He doesn’t even know if that will help..

Cuphead.. Held his tears… He hugged mugman and said “We will find a way don’t worry.. Stay here and have some good rest i will check on you later..” He helped him up and laid him on bed.. He covered him with a blanket and as soon as he mug touched the pillow he slept.. Cuphead held his tears “I WILL help you mugs” he closed the door quietly 

He left him and went to speak with Camilla…

Kai had come so when cuphead went to speak she had already gone.. she had left a note mugman knew…that.. His time… Wasn’t much…

For three days cuphead tried to speak to camilla… And failed… mugman’s pain deteriorated…

At some point they were eating… Mugman excused himself and left to the bathroom.. This time it was more painful.. Whole flowers fell from his mouth… His heart broken… Cuphead knew.. And he tried to tell her.. But she wouldn’t listen.. She would speak about Kai…! No matter how hard he tried to explain her.. She didn’t listen… 

It was night.. Mugman had sensed that his time was coming.. He sat with them ate some food as much as his weak body could. He saw Camilla “Hey..” he said weakly camilla stopped and look at him damn.. She was so busy with Kai she had left the boys.. Now that she paid closer attention he wasn’t looking so good… “hey” she said “im sorry mugs I’ve been busy..” he replied “its.. Its okay may I give you a hug?" 

"sure!” she opened her arms and he gently hugged her.. She felt something inside her as if something bad will happen hugging him she noticed that he had lost weight.. 

Mugman let go of her he caressed her cheek “Goodnight.. I… I love you.." 

He then hugged cuphead goodnight love you bro 

They went to sleep.

.. The next morning mugman didn’t appear he was always the first to get up.. Something told cuphead that something was wrong… Very.. Very.. Wrong.. He went to his room.. He knocked on the door.. no answer.."Mugman? You okay?” cup asked no answer  “MUGS OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR OTHERWISE I WON’T HESITATE TO BREAK IT!!"    again he tried to open the door but it was locked . He even used his shoulder and pushed /slammed the door  but With his shoulder.. But nothing Camilla grew concerned she  said.. "Mugs? You okay?please let us in" 

"Stay back Cam” He said and shoot the door opened..

There before them laid mugman a red rose coming out his mouth gold red blue and green petals were everywhere.. Blood was on his clothes.. He held a letter in his hands he had blood with it..

His expression of sadness. Tears were on his face.. He still had some senses…

Camilla… Lost the earth beneath her feet..

“What’s wrong? ” she asked 

“I’ve been wanting to tell you but you were so obsessed with Kai.. You forgot our existence… Cami… He has the hanahaki disease 

Those love is one sided are destined go die. Unless their love is returned.” he said   Mugman looked at them..he couldn’t breath..  His weak body would jerk as breathing became to difficult Cuphead felt sympathy.. He even tried to remove the flowers himself but that was impossible he was hurting him.. Mugman closed his eyes shut and squeezed them.. He winced and cuphead instantly stopped… He hugged him in his final moments camilla read the letter…

«Why don’t you love me Camilla? From the fist time I saw you i love you.. Camilla.. What did i do to you and you don’t love me.. Camilla… Im happy that cuphead doesn’t suffer the pain I suffer now… Camilla.. I could remove the flowers but my feelings for you will be gone as well.. I could never do it.. Even if its your fault.. I suffer… Even if you are to blame… I can’t blame you.. Even if I had to repeat this life or any other life  again I would still love you with all my heart.. Forgive me.. For all the times I hurt you please take care of Cuphead and Elder kettle for me.. Promise me all of you that no matter what happens you will stay strong .. I will love you… Always..» she noticed that the ink in some pages was blurry implying that he was crying there were some blood along with petals 

Camilla heard cuphead calling her name “Camilla? Please We don’t have much time!!” he yelled while shaking.. His tears ran down her face.. Mugman’s body soon relaxed blood along with petals were everywhere in the room he held his brother’s hand tighter more tears ran down their faces.. Mugman smiled.. Cuphead yelled  desperately “ CAMILLA?!?! DO SOMETHING DAMN IT!!!” that scream was enough to pull her out of her thoughts she crawled and cupped mugman’s face with her trembling hands and yelled no… Confessed 

“ I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MUGMAN I’M SORRY IM SORRY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! " 

Mugman had closed his eyes a few tears ran down his eyes .. NONONONONO her tears fell on the flower and his face… 

¡¡¡¡¡I DO LOVE YOU!!!!  

The flowers disappeared slowly he jerked while in the process .. The flowers were gone and he could breath again "GASP” he gasped. His chest moving fast as he breathed hungrily. It took some time to come around but he managed, he coughed and coughed his breathing became stable and… Cuphead hugged him… “DONT SCARE ME AGAIN YOU BASTARD!! Mugs hugged him back , then Camilla hugged him” Im sorry mugs it’s my fault… Im sorry don’t scare me again like this! “ she kissed him the liquid in his head foaming and white hearts came out of his straw like smoke she then kissed cuphead as an apology, he melted under the kiss as well his liquid foamed and hearts came out of his straw like smoke

They helped him get up there was a happy look on their faces "Im sorry” she said “it’s okay just please listen to us” mugman said she nodded “of course"  Cuphead offered "let’s clear up the mess and its a beautiful day outside let’s go and have a picnic” They nodded “that sounds great.. Um i will clean up the mess!” mugman said cuphead left to prepare the things they will need Camilla came as well to help cuphead.

“Im sorry i didn’t listen to you! ” she said “Im not that heartless yes i play it tough but.. I love him… He is my brother.. I can’t lose him Cam..” he said and with his sleeve he wiped away some tears.. “ I know.. Im sorry…!” she looked down “hey its okay he is alive now just listen to me the same way I and Mugs listen to you!” he said and she nodded

Mugman cleared the place changed clothes and was descended the stairs everything was ready they went to a mountain that was close to their home they played they danced, ate laid on the grass and seeing the clouds trying to guess what shape they are, they giggled and played in the river splashing each other cuphead lifted Camilla on his shoulders she playfully shrieked and dive into the water. They laughed Mugman and cuphead wrestled into the water and splashed each other then they picked flowers and made a crown Camilla did one with red flowers for cuphead and one with blue flowers for mugman the boys made flower crowns with colorful flowers and put it on her hair she put the one with the red flowers to cuphead and the other with the blue ones to mugman. They giggled. They all had a great time and they were happy!!

The End!

Hellooooooooo hehe one more fanfiction 💙💙💙💙💙💙sorry if this sucked! I hope you like it!! UωU 💕💕💖🤗 (🇬🇷) 

RESPONSE

Mod- jesus dude lol